#2023 voyage

[seraphim-soulmate]

for some reason anytime I tell someone here that I became a caregiver for my grandmother during the pandemic, and I still am today because her health declined, they say something along the lines of "oh that's such a special/beautiful experience, I'm so glad you both have each other I'm sure that means a lot"... like ... what? did you not hear the part where I'm a disabled 22 year old who finally received a life-long diagnosis of chronic pain and have been taking care of a 90 year old since I was like 20, at least ? idk the way they phrase it makes it sound like 1) a choice I voluntarily made and 2) that it's an easy or pleasant task. Maybe they don't understand what I mean by "caretaking" so I ALSO say that I accompanied her to the hospital when she fell and made the decision to move her to an assisted living facility and at no point do they say what I would expect, which is "that's such a difficult situation for you to have to handle, I'm so sorry that your grandmother is struggling and that you've become her caretaker at such a young age".

Is this polite american speak that people are doing to me? Am I not explaining the situation clearly enough? Are people really afraid of death? Do they not want to assume that it's a gruelling experience despite some of them having lived through it themselves so they say that it's "so beautiful" and "such a kind/caring thing to do". like no. it isn't. no one else stepped up to do it and I wasn't going to leave my grandmother to rot while she became less and less capable of caring for herself.

[corrodedbisexual]

This is officially my new favorite reaction image.

[fanofspooky]

Scream King - David Dastmalchian

[misterparadigm]

In honor of Star Trek Day, here is the collection of my cast pieces so far! I've got The Original Series, The Next Generation, Deep Space Nine, Voyager, and Lower Decks.

[2014federalbudget]

Eurovision 2023: Iceland awards Australia 12 Points

[robosexualunderground]

Happy Threshold Day! I commemorated this iconic Voyager moment in stained glass.

[leopardom]

now this is eurovision

x

[okmcintyre]

Seven in Picard + 'janeway vibes'

[aerialworms-art]

Trektober Day 20, now in technicolor!

*gripping your shoulders* You ever just think about how they find each other in every universe. You ever think about that. I do.

(Please click for quality! ID under cut)

[Image ID: A digitally coloured drawing of Jim Kirk, Spock, and Bones as seen in Star Trek: The Voyage Home. They are all older than in the Original Series. Spock is wearing his white Vulcan robe and no shoes. Jim is wearing his maroon suit, and Bones is wearing his beige and brown jumpsuit. His cravat is untucked from his neckline and the ends are floating. Both Jim and Bones' trousers are flared and they're wearing simple boots.

Spock and Bones are floating against a starry backdrop, connected to each other and Jim by thin threads attached to each of their wrists. Both of their threads connecting them to Jim are floating, relaxed and looping. However, Bones has grabbed the thread connecting him to Spock and is hunched over, attempting to chew through it. Spock is watching this with detached curiosity. His posture is more relaxed and his left arm is being pulled towards Bones because Bones is pulling on the thread.

Jim is standing in the middle, feet edging over the border of the drawing. His hands are on his hips, and he is looking up despairingly at his soulmates, saying "Can't you two just get along? Please?"

Above the drawing is written "Trektober" and "Day 20 - Soulmates" Below it is written "@aerialworms" and "Spocktober"./End ID]

[his-argentite]

Here's some reaction pics to use (eurovision edition)

[talesfromthecrypts]

I do not fear you!

You will.

The Last Voyage of the Demeter (2023) dir. André Øvredal

[seraphim-soulmate]

a good shave can actually be something so personal...

[just-a-donut-who-reads]

[see-arcane]

DRACULA IS BACKULA BABEYYY

[farleighlover]

₊⊹ “i always want you when i’m coming down.”

| farleigh start x fem!reader

w.c: 3.6k

a/n: happy readings! @firemenenthusiast

— / part three. (masterlist here.)

you sat on your bed with your notebook in your lap as you drummed your pencil against your head. it was nearing summer, where all the exams and everything were coming to play. textbooks and textbooks were laid out in front of you while you flipped and underlined each part you thought could be important. when you actually looked at what you were doing, you had the whole paragraph underlined.

you groaned, putting your head in your hands. this didn’t make sense. you reached over to grab your phone to text farleigh for help before you stopped yourself. what the fuck were you doing? you haven’t spoken to farleigh for over four fucking weeks and now you were going to text him about the restoration period?

you remembered how farleigh used to tutor and help you when you didn’t understand the assignment. always an arm's reach away and most times, that was literal. he was always in your dorm and soon people used to joke about how he spent more time in your dorm than his own. you tried to make yourself not miss what you two had, but you couldn’t keep lying to yourself. you missed how when you asked for help, he would wrap you up and sit you in his lap, making you flush against him before asking what you needed help with.

you snapped back with your phone buzzing. you flipped your phone with a message from your best friend, ruby, asking if you wanted to walk to class together. you glanced up at the ticking clock on your wall, taking a second before realizing that your class was starting remotely soon and almost everything from your backpack was emptied all over your dorm. you quickly yanked off the bed, sending "sure!!" before rushing all over to get everything packed and a little bit neater. you can never leave your dorm messy. it was a habit you got from farleigh. you could be leaving in a rush but he’ll grab you by the back of the shirt and drag you back to your desk with that clicking of his tongue.

“baby, i mean this the sweetest way ever, but have you seen your desk? i mean, there are pens everywhere! surely you don’t need these out all at once!” farleigh kissed your head before he just started cleaning it for you. “you should always try to keep minimal things on your desk. it also helps to not distract you.” you glared at how he stacked your notebooks perfectly by size, then getting a post note and writing “clean your space!!!” and posting it in the center to remind you.

he leaned back, stared and scratched his head before slightly nudging a notebook to the left. farleigh took a second or two to admire his work before leaning down to your level with that sly grin of his and saying, "that’s how you do it.”

you rolled your eyes and scoffed. “can i go now?” he hummed before finally answering, “yes.” you grabbed your notebooks and pens quickly before stuffing them in your bag and running out the door, leaving the desk and his glorious neat positions of each item out of place and all over. as soon as you got home, he hit you in the back of the head then kissed your forehead as a small apology before making you clean your mess and not allowing you do anything else before finishing. he rambled about how it was very tempting to just grab you back into your dorm and make you clean it all over again.

and now here you are, a year after that and still cleaning after each study. you could never get it as neat as farleigh though.

it was just a whirlpool that you couldn’t escape from. while cleaning, you realized how much you’ve been written by him, and how much you depended on him. when farleigh first cheated on you, you made him take everything he owned out of your dorm. and when he left, the first thought you had was, “where the fuck are all my jackets?”

correction, “where the fuck are all farleigh’s jackets?”

you shuddered as you snapped back to reality and tried to think of something else. you grabbed everything you needed, threw it in your bag, and slipped on your brown tortoise loafers that had been collecting dust before rushing out the door.

you met with ruby at a bench. she was trying to read the last pages of this book for class. you tapped her on the shoulder, making her flinch harshly and yelp. you forgot she gets scared easily.

“christ, maybe wave hello next time?” ruby picked up her book, flicking the dirt off it. “i’ve tried that before. you still get scared.” you sighed, making her huff. “whatever.”

you heard a familiar laugh. farleigh start. he mumbled something to his so-called “friends” next to him before calling out, “nice shoes!” to you sarcastically and laughing away. you shot him a glare before the gears in your head turned and realized what he said. you immediately shot down to your shoes, noticing that they were the shoes farleigh gave you. fuck, that’s why they felt a little tight.

you groaned and lolled your head back. by this point, ruby realized what was happening.

“oh my gosh. girl, you cannot be making these mistakes! here, we can swap shoes—“ you swatted her idea. “no no, it’s fine, we need to get to class. i can deal with this later. let’s hurry up.” you took her hand and took off to class.

you sat in your dorm room alone after ruby didn’t answer back to your plans. which was odd because she always answered instantly and it wasn’t even that late. you check the clock that’s ticking on your wall. it was only eight.

you groan and lay down on your bed, not knowing what to do. it was irritating, to say the least. you sat up, looking for something to distract you. there, the loafers gleamed in the light. bingo. you were going to give back farleigh those shoes as a final fuck you. if he thinks your shoes are nice, he can have them!

maybe you should think of a cooler punchline.

you got up, threw on one of your jackets, and picked the right shoes before grabbing the loafers and leaving.

you stormed up to farleigh’s door, still remembering the steps and the path to get there. when you went up to the door and raised your hand to knock, you heard something.

see, hearing moaning coming from farleigh’s dorm was a frequent occurrence that everybody was aware of, but not when the speaking, or slash, begging was a voice that sounded familiar. you looked around quickly, hoping nobody was around before you leaned in your ear to the door to hear more clearly.

first off, you can tell it was farleigh and someone having sex. not him doing something stupid. and second of all, that whine in her voice? that’s fucking ruby. farleigh, was fucking, ruby. you were in absolute disbelief. you knew ruby liked farleigh, but not this much!

in pure hatred, you pounded on the door and heard all movement stop. you grind your teeth. “ruby, i will fucking kick down this door if i need to! get the fuck out of that dorm, you coward!” you yelled at the door. people are probably thinking you’re going mental, but you didn’t care.

you heard some scrambling before ruby peaked her head out the door. she scanned the halls before facing you. “…i wasn’t doing anything.”

you almost laughed. “right. you totally weren’t doing something. i know farleigh has an issue about staying quiet.” ruby giggled a little. she always took everything as a light joke. “i’m going to knock that smile off your face. where’s farleigh?”

she immediately dropped her smile before glancing around in the dorm room. “uhm…” ruby looked back at you. “he’s… busy.”

you groaned and rolled your eyes. “of course he’s busy! god, ruby, you are so stupid!” she scoffed. “well fuck you! listen, i didn’t care about you breaking up with farleigh, i did this whole distancing thing just so i could get closer! so you go do whatever you want to do!” and she ended it by slamming the door in your face. you opened your mouth to say something before just giving up and killing yourself inside. your best friend, ruby, just had sex with your ex and here you are, still holding the loafers that was supposed to be your final “fuck you.”

goddamnit. you huffed and just left the loafers there before walking back to your dorm. fuck this.

staring at the ceiling above with no lights is weary. and also depressing. you tried to not think about everything that was happening around you and how fucked up things were getting. farleigh was a good guy and now, the chance of you and him getting back together is closer to zero.

was the love of your life gone? was that it? maybe you were overdramatizing the situation, but it sure felt like it. two years went down the drain. now what were you supposed to do? every moment you two spent together, just everything was gone.

you needed to sleep.

in the morning, you felt like mush. you’re barely there, just trying to put pieces of you together to feel real. why are breakups such a hard thing to get over? you didn’t have anybody now. it was pathetic, really. you didn’t know how to feel. anger, despair, just everything.

you took a deep breath, finally deciding to get over it. that’s all you could do. you got ready for the day and tried to make yourself feel better by saying those stupid mantras before leaving your dorm.

the day felt off. everybody was looking at you. now, your “relationship” just got more messed up. fuck ruby and her whole “making him jealous” idea. she probably spread the word and twisted it into something more than it was. that bitch.

in english, ruby didn’t sit next to you. she sat next to farleigh, the row below you. sometimes they would peck or do stupid stuff like touching his hair, which he would take her hand and kiss it before putting her hand to herself. it baffled you. farleigh only let you play with his hair religiously. it was an interesting sight to see.

a girl bumped into you. no deal. until she muttered in your ear, “jerk.”

jerk? you shot your head back at her, but she was already walking away. what the fuck was happening? you glanced around, confused. some people saw your gaze and immediately started whispering to their left and right.

you sat there, puzzled. you were racking your brain. why would they be mad at you? ruby is the one who shouted about using you for your ex.

you tried to gain the confidence to ask the girl next to you. you hesitated and the professor walked in while telling everybody to shut up for the lesson. goddamnit.

near the end of the class, you were falling behind on notes. you hated how fast this professor wrote and talked. always erasing, writing, and too much at once. it was the first period and you’re already tired of hearing. by the time you finished your notes, the girl next to you was already gone. actually, most of the students were gone. of course. you searched the room swiftly and instead of finding the girl, you saw farleigh and ruby making out. you never wanted to say “get a room” as loudly as possible. you huffed and gathered everything before leaving the room.

you rushed in the halls, trying to get away from that whole mess. who did she think she was? you kept thinking of the whole situation, not paying attention, and accidentally bumping into felix. he caught you in his arms, “christ, sorry!” when felix got a glimpse of who you actually were, his demeanor changed. “oh, hey.”

“felix! i’m so sorry, i’ll be on my way—“ you took a step away before getting an idea. “felix, are people saying rumors about me?”

he scoffed. “rumors? like, yesterday you told ruby to go kill herself and her friend found her chugging down pills in the bathroom? that rumor?”

you stared, jaw dropped. “she said what?” ruby made that up about you? why would she lie about something that serious? at the same time, you had your answer. ruby was stupid. she panicked and she tried to come up with something to make her the victim, like always.

felix raised a brow at you. “are you just playing dumb or what?” you shook your head, “felix, i never said anything like that. she got with farleigh and planned it out when i confronted her!” you groaned, putting your head in your hands. it was all so overwhelming. you were tired of all of it.

felix could tell that you were about to lose it. “hey hey, it’s okay. i believe you.” his tone softening. he hesitantly raises his hands to hug you, not knowing if you would allow him, but you instantly hugged back. knowing that someone was there for you took a massive weight off your shoulders that you didn’t even know was there.

“thank you felix,” you say quietly, still hugging him. you saw farleigh and ruby in the corner of your eye but you didn’t care. it made you feel better that you knew you had somebody who believed and cared. after a moment, you both pulled away before thanking him once more and going different ways.

evening again. the time when you had nothing to do. you were spread out on your bed, just staring at the ceiling. usually, farleigh and you would go to parties, hangouts, or the pub to waste time.

the pub. that was a thing you could go by yourself. “drink away your problems”, they say.

it wasn’t a bad idea. it would be good to go out and get some fresh air before getting totally wasted and passing out. at least you wouldn’t be thinking about your life and farleigh. you sighed, sitting up and stretching before getting your jacket, shoes, and money as you headed out.

walking felt good. the breeze hitting your skin right, and it wasn’t too heavy that it just pushed you away and blinded you with your hair, or just yourself in that matter. that description felt deep in your heart.

you arrive there, getting struck with the loud chatter and the drunken woo’s and cheers for when someone chugged down another beer.

you sat at the bar, just ordering something small. you then realized that farleigh’s booth was right behind you. it was almost impossible not to hear them and interrupt your thoughts. you cursed yourself for going to the bar the same time as them, but they are always here every day so you can’t escape them.

you took a glance at the table. ruby was sitting there on farleigh’s lap, acting like a pure dumbass, and… was that your black dress?

ruby saw you and matched glances with you. she shot you that coy smirk, saying mentally to you something along the lines of, “how could you be so stupid?” it was a little true though, you have been so caught up in everything that you just can’t pay much attention anymore. but still, she can’t be one to speak.

you rolled your eyes, not going any further with her. you took sips of your drink, zoning out every once in a while with your thoughts. but something made you snap back to reality.

“freak!”

you knew that voice. it was farleigh. you shot back immediately, and everyone started to boo you. you can never escape from this hellhole.

in that moment, all the anger and the rage you had pent up in your body just broke out. you immediately grabbed your drink and marched over there, before spilling it all over farleigh and ruby. that was your final "fuck you."

the whole bar went quiet, only ruby’s gasps hung heavy in the air. farleigh stared at you, and he didn’t look angry. he looked… just upset. a sense of yearning and disbelief written on his face. but ruby on the other hand, slammed her fists on the table, she was fuming. “you want to play like that?!” she stood up, shuffling to you before almost punching you!

“are you mental?! you’re the bitch who made up those death threats!” people gasped and sat there stunned. ruby stared at you, just livid. her brows were furrowed, this evil glint in her eyes. she started throwing heavy punches at you out of nowhere while screaming things like, “you bastard! you fucking cunt!” you blocked her punches fairly easy, just backing up steps by steps. truly pathetic.

but something snapped in farleigh. he stood up and abruptly grabbed you by the arm before dragging you out the door, his eyes hard and cold.

you scoffed and blinked a few times in disbelief. “why would you—“

“listen, i don’t want anything to do with you, okay? move the fuck on. i’m sick— i’m sick of this bullshit! i’m sick of you!” farleigh exclaimed. “just leave me and her alone. it’s not that hard.”

you glared. the anger in the world just all ready to lash out at him, until he said this.

“i don’t even know what your problem is. i don’t fucking love you anymore, okay? i’m with ruby now, whether you like it or not.” he spat, lighting a cigarette.

the rest of his words tuned out of your ears. he didn’t love you anymore? that couldn’t be true. it rang in your ears. he didn’t love you anymore? two years. two years just down the drain. and now, he’s with your ex-best friend. it made no sense. how did you get here? this was the man who begged you to come back. every voicemail saved on your phone. and now, he's telling you that every stepping stone, every argument you forgave each other for, was all a lie? that was total bullshit. it had to be. 

“are you even listening to me?! god, just fucking realize that we were never meant to be. we were never meant to last. so leave me alone and get the fuck over it.” farleigh emphasized each word as he towered over you, anger etched in each and every word.

you stood there, not knowing what to say. you stared into his eyes, looking for some sense of remorse or sympathy, but nothing was there. it’s like the man you knew just disappeared and was replaced for this selfish and stupid thing! it felt… just unbelievable. you always knew that you and farleigh weren't the best together, but you were still each other's part. you both fit in some way. you both changed your pieces to be together. to stand together. and all for what? the sweetest man you ever knew, the man you tried hardest for, is the boy who is standing in front of you, yelling at you and expressing the only thing he could say out loud. his anger. were you supposed to feel pity? were you supposed to feel ruined? angry? annoyed? what would say to everybody? that they were right and the relationship would come back to stab you in the heart?

questions topped questions. why would he act like this? tears slipped down your cheeks. this isn't the one you knew. the one you loved. the one you promised that it would last forever. the one who promised you that it would last forever. maybe you were selfish. maybe you were supposed to let it go. but how could you? it didn't feel right to. you were immature to feel like you could hold on to the pieces and shards of your relationship that could just cut you all over again. but you couldn't just throw them away. every piece tipped closer to the image and the feeling that was once there. to feel the warmth and comfort of what you already knew. and maybe you would never admit to yourself, but it was obvious you still wanted him. to be with him. if you could, you would keep that flame lit. the colors conjoining and dancing around, traveling through the wind, and learning. maybe your flame was out of control. maybe it was too much for someone or something to handle. but you still wouldn't blow it out, because you never could. you could never bring yourself to get rid of something that had such a grip on you or to see the damage of what a small thing sprouted to be. and in some shape and form, farleigh was single-handedly the best thing you had. to experience the love everybody was feral to find. if only you just didn't experience it with a stupid man. a stupid, stupid man.

but farleigh kept the flame small. in moments together, he was the one to keep it alive and well. you both not being together blew the flame to spread out of control. you couldn't keep it together, you needed him to help you, no matter how hurt it felt to say.

farleigh groaned and lolled his head back. “freak.” he called out before walking back to the front of the bar, where ruby was standing there, waiting for him. she smiled smugly before intertwining her hand with farleigh’s and walking back in.

you stood there. left alone. maybe it was time to burn out the flame.

..taglist: @fuckshitslover @themoonchildwhofell @khxna @flipsconhelado @nataliesfirefly @inglourious-imagines

[allieconfyart]

How it started ⏩ How it ended