#2010s lightning storm

[arrayed-in-purple]

𝐁𝐥𝐮𝐞 𝐑𝐮𝐢𝐧 (𝟐𝟎𝟏𝟑)

𝐃𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐨𝐫: 𝐉𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐦𝐲 𝐒𝐚𝐮𝐥𝐧𝐢𝐞𝐫

(OC)

[wiimotion]

09-01-2013

[jrueships]

Close up on the guy on his laptop in the stands whose name I should know and forget but Emmy immediately said “he’s checking jrueships dot tumblr dot com”

HWHELP 😭😭😭‼️‼️‼️ THE JRUESHIPS DOT TUMBLR DOT COM IS IN THE STANDS@!!!!!!!

[incorrect-mtg]

Flavor Text Highlights - Magic 2010

<- Previous Set | Next Set ->

Cool - Goblin Chieftain

“We are goblinkind, heirs to the mountain empires of chieftains past. Rest is death to us, and arson is our call to war.”

Funny - Disentomb

“Stop complaining. You can rest when you’re dead. Oh—sorry.” —Liliana Vess

Funny - Canyon Minotaur

“We’ll scale these cliffs, traverse Brittle Bridge, and then fight our way down the volcanic slopes on the other side.” “Isn’t the shortest route through the canyon?” “Yes.” “So shouldn’t we—” “No.”

Emotional - Lightning Bolt

The sparkmage shrieked, calling on the rage of the storms of his youth. To his surprise, the sky responded with a fierce energy he’d never thought to see again.

<- Previous Set | Next Set ->

[pipartuuli]

Since I was mentioning how much I love the song, I wanted to do a mini-dissection of "Could This Be The End" from Brendon Small's Galaktikon II! I know there are some different interpretations of the lyrics and perspectives of who's singing what, so I'm throwing mine into the arena!

Key:

Salacia/The Tribunal in green

Dethklok in red

The Storm/The Army of the Doomstar in Orange

Narrator/Muse/Third Person in blue

Thoughts in italics

(NOTE: This dissection inherently relies on Galaktikon II being a continuation of Metalocalypse. I know it's "not" [wink wink] because of all the AS shit that happened in the 2010s but like... let's be real. This is Metalocalypse.)

We got The Storm* coming in now

And they’re almost in range

And we’re cloaked in white silence

In the valley of the Falcon’s rage**

[This one is from the perspective of the Tribunal/Salacia, lying in wait in the arctic snow with Falconback. It’s likely they already have Dethklok captured and strapped into Falconback by this point.

* “The Storm” here refers to The Army of the Doomstar (the fans) as indicated in G2’s version of the call-to-action “Song of Salvation” equivalent, “Become the Storm”, and as sung from the perspective of The Whale Prophet/Goddess in “The Ocean Galaktik” in which she says they are the elements (rain, stardust, etc.)

** I believe the lyrics on Genius have this listed as “range”, but I don’t think Brendon rhymed “range” with “range”. I just don’t. Fight me if you want, but Genius is just wrong.]

(But we wait)

Gotta wait for the first wave

(Breach the gate)

And you can see the Storm is closer now

(Thunder blast)

It’s a lightning infestation

(Light the match)

And we’ll kick ‘em where they stand

[This one is a back and forth between Salacia’s minions (in parentheses) and Salacia giving them orders – he’s using his very classic “we must wait” line here! At the end of this section, with the “light the match” line, that’s probably where Falconback is started up.]

Could this be the end?

Time is terminated

Could this be the end?

[This one is Dethklok, likely beginning to feel the fear as Falconback is whirring to life with them in it. They’re out of time.]

 

(Punch the code)

Now we get the Falcon flying now

(Lock and load)

The Star is getting nearer

(Spin the wheel)

It’s a coffin for them all

(Make them kneel)

Submit or begone!

[Another back and forth between Salacia and his minions. The Doomstar is reaching its zenith and Falconback is really starting to centrifuge!]

Whoa-oh-oh-whoa

(Whoa Whoa-oa-oa)

[Dethklok, now REALLY getting scared, almost mournful. Specifically, I think this is Skwisgaar and Toki. Their vocals layered is similar to how their guitar tracks are layered.]

I can’t see you

I can’t break through

Surprise – me too

It’s down to you

[Still Dethklok – they’re trying to break free of Falconback, but no luck. I believe each of these lines is being sung by different band members. I have SUPER loose reasoning, and this is more what’s in my heart than being from any real evidence in the song, but here we go:

- I can’t see you (Pickles – by process of elimination; see the rest)

- I can’t break through (Skwisgaar – I swear I can hear a very subtle “s” at the end of that can’t(s)…)

- Surprise – me too (Toki – just… seems like a Toki thing to say, and the slight vibrato in the ‘whoa!’ kind of reminds me of how Brendon did his vocals in DSR.)

- It’s down to you (I’m very torn between this being Murderface or Nathan. I think it makes the most sense from the perspective of the story for this to be Murderface pleading with Nathan that everything rests on him – because everything in Metalocalypse ALWAYS rests on Nathan, and that’s what we see in AOTD with Nathan throwing himself into the beam to disrupt Falconback. HOWEVER, the next line in the song REALLY songs like it has a lisp in it, which would perhaps make this Nathan instead pleading with Murderface? Which I like – the band saves Murderface, and Murderface saves the band! Perhaps this is his “throwing a snowball at Salacia” moment?? Either interpretation is valid; I waffle back and forth all the time.]

Yea-ea-eah, we are the dust* from stars now

Yea-ea-eah, we know we own the light

Yea-ea-eah, we break** the atmosphere now

Yea-ea-eah, the end is in our sights!

[*Okay, THIS is where I swear I can hear a lisp – it sounds like “duscht”, which would be a callback to “My Name Is Murder” in which he says “you’ll burn to duscht”. This is why I think the previous section has Nathan telling Murderface to save them.

**I think Genius says this word is “bring”, but “break” makes more sense to me. Either or.

Dethklok again here! The “we know we own the light” implies that they’ve managed to wrest back the Dethlights for themselves – or at least they’re fighting back to do so! I’m not sure if all of them are freed at this point, but there’s hope in this verse. Falconback is starting to crumble, or it’s not siphoning off the Doomstar’s Dethlights like Salacia had hoped it would. Dethklok is fighting back.]

Whoa-oh-oh-whoa

(Whoa Whoa-oa-oa)

[Dethklok again. Toki and Skwisgaar at first, but more voices join in on this one – it’s all of them.]

The centrifuge is spinning

And the Star draws its path

The five choose to sacrifice

This darkened magnetized wrath

And the demon is descending

Closer to its host

The metal core keeps spinning

While the Storm holds the coast

[I think this is the first section we get from the Army of the Doomstar’s perspective! They’re watching Dethklok in Falconback from their spot along the shoreline where they’ve arrived to battle Salacia’s army. They’re trying to reach Dethklok.]

Whoa-oah, leave their souls!

We were always meant to go

Whoa-oah, let it be

One last strike with our sword!

See* them call the light

We must die but we lived our lives

[*Genius has this listed as “save”, but I think it’s “see” – the Army is watching Dethklok struggling to take the Dethlights back from Salacia. Unlike in AoTD, they don’t break out of Falconback in G2 – they simply siphon away the Dethlights for their own use by using the Army as a conduit – an amplifier.

Another one from the perspective of the Army, and I think specifically the first four lines are Offdensen! He knows the fans are worried about Dethklok in peril, but he’s reassuring everyone that everyone present is carrying out the roles that they are destined to carry out. Dethklok are sacrificing themselves for the planet, and now it’s the Army’s turn to do the same. The final two lines with the layered vocals are from the perspective of the entire Army. They’re ready to die for Dethklok – and for Earth. This is the “open hand” scene – they’re letting the Dethlights pass through them. There are so many more of them than there are of Salacia’s army that they’re quickly overpowering Falconback.]

Could this be the end? (Yeah)

Could this be the end? (Whoa-oa)

Could this be the end?

[Dethklok again – it has to be terrifying to be filled with the Dethlights. AoTD showed us it doesn’t exactly FEEL great, so maybe they really do feel like they’re ripping apart and burning alive as the lights fill them and Falconback begins to buckle under their power.]

Falcon screams

Mechanics melting white

The demon Star moves closer

Shooting flaming bloody light

[I think this is from the perspective of a general “narrator”, or “muse” – this is a third party description of what’s happening. Falconback can’t handle the Dethlights as Dethklok powers up – it’s starting to melt. The Doomstar is at its zenith now. The Army of the Doomstar is filled with light, directing it all to Dethklok.]

The Lights of Deth

Have built to their strength

The pentagram of power

Keeps the demon away

[Salacia can’t take hold of the Dethlights for himself because of the POWER OF FRIENDSHIP!]

The Star and the planet

And the universe quake

The Storm builds in fury

Crushing death in its wake

[Dethklok and the Army are winning. Salacia’s army has fallen.]

We left ourselves behind

And we looked within

We know that we must die

But for now – we live!

[Back to Dethklok – this is their victory cry! As Falconback completely crumbles and Salacia is vaporized by the Dethlights, Dethklok are flung free. They reached with their open hand to their friends, family, and fans, and because of it, they were victorious. They trusted and loved, and because of it, they lived.

And this is where my hot takes come in.

I know a lot of people take this part of the song to mean that Dethklok have shed their mortal flesh and become full-fledged gods, but I don’t think that aligns with the message of Metalocalypse. Metalocalypse is about the strength and power normal, mortal humans can have when they band together and show each other love and compassion (hand versus fist, do it all for my brother, etc.) I think this last line here is very literal – Dethklok was ready to die, and because they're just regular ol' humans, one day they will. Hell, they've come closer to death than a LOT of people MANY times. But today isn't that day. For now, they live.]

Alright! (x4)

WE LIVE!

[This is everyone left alive – Dethklok and the Army, all of them alike – celebrating. They’ve taken back their planet! I love how calm and simple the music becomes during the “alright”s after the mounting pressure and cacophony of the previous verses. You can really get a sense of Dethklok standing there in the snow, terrified and confused as all hell about what’s just happened, looking up to see the Army of the Doomstar rushing towards them full of wild excitement, Nathan pumping his fist into the air as in the final moment of AoTD to give that one last “WE LIVE!” It’s got such a celebratory feel!]

Could this be the end? (x4)

[Dethklok again. Unlike the other times this is sung in the song, here it’s being asked to mean “is the evil really gone? Is it all over?” They’re in disbelief, after everything they’ve been through, that five pampered idiot rockstars like them – along with the Army – really managed to pull off saving the entire world from the apocalypse.]

...

Anyway, uh, I banged this out after several consecutive nights of not enough sleep and after downing WAY too much caffeine, so apologies for any incoherencies or mistakes. I just... I just love this song so much. :3

[cleolinda]

Varney the Vampire: Chapter 1

[I originally posted a shorter recap of this chapter on Livejournal, on December 7, 2010. If you'd like to just read the original, less serious version of the recap, that's here.]

[Content note: I'll talk about this a bit later, but, heads up: this opening chapter describes an assault that’s more vivid than I remembered. That's the second half of the recap.]

I'm not actually going to rewrite all my Varney posts like this, but I'd like to talk not just about the way James Malcolm Rymer wrote the chapter, but also the way I recapped it 12+ years ago.

First off, I don't think I gave Rymer enough credit for the atmosphere of the opening; maybe I just appreciate it more after struggling through some of the filler chapters. I did give him some credit, noting that there are 900 words of gothic effectiveness before anything actually happens—I'll quote the very beginning at some length so you can get a feel for what the next 230+ chapters are like:

The solemn tones of an old cathedral clock have announced midnight -- the air is thick and heavy -- a strange, death-like stillness pervades all nature. Like the ominous calm which precedes some more than usually terrific outbreak of the elements, they seem to have paused even in their ordinary fluctuations, to gather a terrific strength for the great effort. A faint peal of thunder now comes from far off. Like a signal gun for the battle of the winds to begin, it appeared to awaken them from their lethargy, and one awful, warring hurricane swept over a whole city, producing more devastation in the four or five minutes it lasted, than would a half century of ordinary phenomena.

It was as if some giant had blown upon some toy town, and scattered many of the buildings before the hot blast of his terrific breath; for as suddenly as that blast of wind had come did it cease, and all was as still and calm as before.

Sleepers awakened, and thought that what they had heard must be the confused chimera of a dream. They trembled and turned to sleep again.

I summarized this as:

The lightning! The thunder! Ominous calm! The buildings scatter like toy houses! O THE STORMY STORMINESS OF THE STORM. And then the hail starts up, at which point I started laughing, because… hail. Sexy, sexy, stormy hail. Oh the hailiness of the hail, the stormy sexy chunks of ice hailing on your head, yea, unto a mild concussion. In conclusion: hail.

I had some interesting expectations here about gothic atmosphere, or perhaps just the vampire genre itself, necessarily being "sexy." You do see some eroticism in a vampire story like "La Morte amoreuse" (1836), but—remember how I mentioned the cottage industry built on Polidori's "The Vampyre," which ultimately results in Varney the Vampire as a sort of parody? There's no Erotic Biting in any of that. Biting of any nature happens off-page in "The Vampyre," and to my knowledge, Ruthven doesn't manage to bite anyone in spinoffs like The Bride of the Isles. At the time Varney was first published (1845-1847), I don't know if people were expecting scenes like—well, what's about to happen next.

Enter Flora:

And now we meet Our Heroine, Flora Bannerworth, an aptly-named maiden who is "young and beautiful as a spring morning," bare shoulder, sculpted ivory bosom, teeth of pearl, moaning in her sleep, a flood of loosed tresses, so on and so forth. Wind, rain, sexy hail, 600 words, FLASH OF LIGHTNING! SHRIEK!

Okay, I clearly expected the heroine to be eroticized, and I was at least right about that:

The bed in that old chamber is occupied. A creature formed in all fashions of loveliness lies in a half sleep upon that ancient couch -- a girl young and beautiful as a spring morning. Her long hair has escaped from its confinement and streams over the blackened coverings of the bedstead; she has been restless in her sleep, for the clothing of the bed is in much confusion. One arm is over her head, the other hangs nearly off the side of the bed near to which she lies. A neck and bosom that would have formed a study for the rarest sculptor that ever Providence gave genius to, were half disclosed. [...]

Oh, what a world of witchery was in that mouth, slightly parted, and exhibiting within the pearly teeth that glistened even in the faint light that came from that bay window. How sweetly the long silken eyelashes lay upon the cheek. Now she moves, and one shoulder is entirely visible -- whiter, fairer than the spotless clothing of the bed on which she lies, is the smooth skin of that fair creature, just budding into womanhood, and in that transition state which presents to us all the charms of the girl -- almost of the child, with the more matured beauty and gentleness of advancing years.

Y'all.

I had read a lot of Victorian literature by 2010—took graduate classes, even—and was too jaded to be as fazed by this quasi-Lolita mess as I maybe should have been. I remember reading this and thinking, "Yeah, that's standard. Goes on a bit, though."

Having established Flora Bannerworth, Victorian Lolita (she's the only person with any sense for several chapters, don't hold it against her), the story starts to ramp up. Flora sees "a figure tall and gaunt, endeavouring from the outside to unclasp the window" in the next flash of lightning. She's not sure what she really saw; it turns out that the literary point of the hail is that she can't tell if the sound she's hearing is ice raining down on her gothic mansion or vampire fingernails trying to claw the window open. And like, who thinks "Obviously, a vampire is trying to get in"? She saw it so clearly, and yet, storm, darkness, hail, she could just as easily explain it away—how did Ann Radcliffe differentiate terror from horror? Basically, terror is the dreadful lead-up and horror is the shocking revelation? So we switch here from the horror of OH SHIT VAMPIRE AT THE WINDOW back to the dread of waiting to find out what it really was.

Around this point in the original post, I pointed out that there are four elements you might see in a vampire story: the Appearance of the Vampire; the Attack of the Vampire; the Victim's Consumptive Suffering; and the eventual Destruction of the Vampire. You see these pretty reliably in Dracula, for example; you see them subverted in Interview with the Vampire, where the vampire is eventually destroyed by fellow vampires, but then it turns out he wasn't, and he goes on to be vampire king and see Jesus and mess around with the Devil and Atlantis is involved, idk I didn't keep up with those books after the one with the body-thieving. In this particular chapter of Varney, we get the first two elements, and they are honestly very effective: "Frozen with horror!" I said. "Heart beating wildly! The strange reddish light from a burning mill in the distance! The vampyre's nails clattering against the glass as it seeks to open the latch! She tries to scream but cannot to move, but cannot! Her cries for help are but hoarse whispers that no one can hear!" And then:

(I want you to remember Lord Ruthven's "dead grey eyes" here:)

The figure turns half round, and the light falls upon its face. It is perfectly white perfectly bloodless. The eyes look like polished tin; the lips are drawn back, and the principal feature next to those dreadful eyes is the teeth the fearful looking teeth projecting like those of some wild animal, hideously, glaringly white, and fang-like.

(Sidebar: This is apparently the first appearance of the word "fang" in vampire literature.)

It approaches the bed with a strange, gliding movement. It clashes together the long nails that literally appear to hang from the finger ends. No sound comes from its lips. [...] The glance of a serpent could not have produced a greater effect upon her than did the fixed gaze of those awful, metallic-looking eyes that were bent down on her face. Crouching down so that the gigantic height was lost, and the horrible, protruding white face was the most prominent object, came on the figure. What was it? what did it want there? what made it look so hideous so unlike an inhabitant of the earth, and yet be on it?

Here I am, making a very good point while being gleefully insensitive:

Panting, repulsion, heaving bosoms, etc. And then begins the slow agony of Flora oozing across the bed in her attempt to escape. Hair streaming (slowly) across the pillows, covers dragging (slowly) behind her, until she gets one foot (slowly) onto the floor. This is one of the few times the paid-per-word aspect works in Varney's favor—it has the endless creep of a nightmare, so let's take a moment to bask in a brief ray of quality. Undaunted by effective writing, the vampyre reaches her and drags her by the hair back onto the bed; "Heaven granted her then power" to scream her head off. And thus follows the most awesome sentence I have yet seen in gothic literature:

With a plunge he seizes her neck in his fang-like teeth a gush of blood, and a hideous sucking noise follows. The girl has swooned, and the vampyre is at his hideous repast!

My Hideous Repast is totally the name of my new goth band.

And that was the end of my commentary on the chapter.

I'm torn here because I do think the writing in general is entertainingly overblown, and I do think "my hideous repast" is funny in the abstract. But what I don't understand—not to bring the room down, but I feel like it should be pointed out: when I started recapping Varney the Vampire back in 2010, I completely missed the fact that this opening scene is describing a sexual(ized) assault. Some readers might be really, really uncomfortable with this scene. Why did I not see this?

I came here to have fun and that would not have been fun?

I was approaching the serial from the assumption that it's silly and melodramatic, so anything that happened also would be?

This cover illustration did not exactly set me up to take it seriously?

I was so used to the ravishment fantasies of gothic/vampire media that it didn't strike me as something unpleasant or unusual to read?

It was 2010 and we didn't necessarily question problematic angles as thoroughly as we do now, even though I was already critiquing Twilight in 2008 so that's kind of a bullshit excuse?

I still think the melodramatic writing is pretty funny in places and I'm not sure how I feel about myself for that?

I think at least some of my reaction actually does come from writing about Twilight from 2008 onwards. It was a vampire story that had a marked lack of Erotic Biting scenes, to the point where director Catherine Hardwicke had to add one to the movie: Bella's fainting-couch fantasy of Edward as a classically gothic vampire, which apparently involves shoe-polish hair.

The mood 15 years ago (!) was, some people loved a twinkling repressed sparklepire insisting he mustn't touch his high-school ladylove, he mustn't! but he must!!, and other people were big mad about it. Reading Varney, it felt refreshing to go back to a "traditional" story and say, see, there is bloodshed and it's not sparklewashed and tame, that is what real vampiring looks like. And somewhere along the way, I think I lost sight of the fact that Twilight, for all its many faults, at least involves someone who enthusiastically consents to being bitten. Like, Bella as would-be victim consents when Edward doesn't; the big tension of the series is that Bella is always throwing herself at a hungry vampire who keeps running away from her.

Hey, you might say, in the midst of a cultural moment when everyone’s going wild over the bizarrely chaste story of a teenage girl and her guilt-ridden goody-two-shoes vampire boyfriend,

remember when vampires were actually scary and forced themselves on their victims?

wait what do you mean that's not great

By “not great,” I don’t mean that vampire villains are Problematic™ and should be banned from fiction. I'm saying, that's the point, that it's villainous to force a vampire bite on someone; that's what the horror of the situation is about. That said, one of the unique holds that vampires have on audiences is the moment when “force” becomes ambiguous—ambiguous for the characters, but when we consent, as readers and viewers, to seek out that ambiguity. Like, I’m here for vampires because of that, the psychodrama is the whole point for me; it’s not because I like watching people get chewed on. That ambiguity holds an audience-proxy tension between “I don’t want this” and “but I do want this.”

Case in point, Dracula attacking Mina in the original text: Mina is horrified to find that she’s compelled to submit despite herself (“strangely enough, I did not want to hinder him”), although that scene is heavily weighted towards “I don’t want this”—towards horror. A story like “Carmilla” has Laura feeling confused, conflicted, unsure of what’s even been happening behind the veil of her dreams: Do I want this? What am I even wanting? “Whatever it might be, my soul acquiesced in it”: more of a balance between want and not-want. Whereas Bella immediately wants to be bitten, end of, and spends three books chasing a vampire who is agog at how little she cares for her own life. It's... some kind of tension, for sure.

Thousands of words have been written about how this tension is tied to societal sexual repression, of course. And as the decades went on, as sexual mores loosened throughout the twentieth century and beyond, writers and filmmakers started saying, “Oh, the vampire’s bite is enjoyable and it doesn’t turn you immediately into a vampire, have fun.” (The U.S. seems to be moving politically back towards repression, which makes me wonder how vampire media might change soon.) And this is why Twilight feels like a metaphor for literal chastity: there are immediate consequences for being so much as nicked by a fang, and so all the eroticism is dialed down to teenage makeouts.

And so, in 2010, I was so busy enjoying the literary contrast between Twilight and a book where vampires actually bite people that I lost sight of the fact that what happens to Flora is a particularly cruel and vivid assault. I mean, getting dragged by her hair, Jesus Christ, why was I not more disturbed by that?

What this then makes me ask, though, is how did readers in 1847 take this?

Who was this written for?

Readers who would identify most with Varney—attacking Flora, which is awful, but the action as written is extremely callous?

Readers who would identify most with Flora—being attacked, which suggests a "horror is a safe roller coaster" framing?

Readers who wouldn't really identify with either of them, but instead might picture it as a stage play?

Given that Polidori's Lord Ruthven set off a "vampire craze" onstage, I lean towards the third option. It takes a certain bystander detachment to read this scene and not think of its reality—to empathize—at all. And my "lmao this is so silly" is, in fact, a form of detachment. But all three of those options are possible, all at once.

So: is this opening chapter intended to be funny? (Subsequent chapters are far more intentionally humorous, and I had doubled back to recap this after reading ahead.) Are we meant to laugh, or is the outdated style only unintentionally funny now?

Is it satirizing earlier vampire literature/theater on purpose?

Is humor a way of making it easier to read a scene like this?

Is it not a good thing, really to make a scene of assault "easier to read"?

Did I, a reader who would identify with Flora, need it to be easier to read?

Is it okay to have multiple, conflicting reactions to something?

The only answer I have is "Yes," to that last question. And the only thing I know to do with conflicting feelings about media is to accept them and say, as a data point: here they are. There’s a level to this first chapter that I completely did not grasp 12-13 years ago, when I was 30+ entire years old, and I'm still not sure why that is.

I do think Varney the Vampire is frequently pretty funny; weirdly, the subsequent chapters read like a parody of Dracula if everyone in Dracula except one (1) heroine was completely useless, 50 years before that book was even written. Flora might be the victim in this chapter, but she is not the butt of the jokes. But I guess what we need to think about is—if this book is meant to be parody, why is it funny, who is it making fun of at any given point, and what purpose does that serve?

At this point, the antiquated style is what’s funny to me, and I’m making fun of Rymer. Did Rymer intend his readers to find the opening chapter funny? Maybe not: I think he intended it, certainly, to be titillating, even exploitative—and I was aware of that, but maybe not enough.

We'll resume with Varney trying to get over a garden wall. It will be a shorter, lighter post.

[kyistell]

@nohappinessinthisworld Alright I finally did it, NJ headcanons. I had fun doing these

New Jersey-

Refuses to try Poutine, says that it’s just Disco Fries but worse

Suffers every summer, he can deal with the heat but he doesn’t like it

Never fully understood why murder was so bad until around the 90s when some good friends of his got murdered

He doesn’t like hurting the OG13 since he considers them apart of his family, so whenever he does it’s a complete tonal shift for about a week

He doesn’t actually smell all to bad, just like a normal guy, but he can make it worse however it only affects the states

He REALLY hates rain storms, whether it’s tropical or a hurricane or just a storm with lightning he HATES it, he’s actually gotten a lot better since the 2010s since before he would just have a panic attack the entire time (York helped a lot with this)

His hair gets frosted tips whenever there’s snow sticking in the state, if it’s a lot of snow his face will get way paler, his cheeks blueish and his freckles look like snowflakes

“Jersey if you stab Colorado with your skate blade again I’m tellin yer Ma” -Mass every single time there’s a hockey game between NJ and CO

Was inducted into a knitting club by his friend who worked at the library, all the old ladies in the club are very nice and have helped Jersey get as good at knitting as he is now

While he has had a lot of hobbies over the years, he only has a few active ones, such as knitting and cooking and garden/farm stuff (hockey doesn’t count because it’s a lifestyle not a hobby, his words)

Is not a fan of the Nintendo Switch, only owns one because what else is he going to do? Transfer games onto the DS illegally? (yes but that’s besides the point)

Oh he has horns and a tail alright, but he doesn’t have them always, he can just hide them and whatnot so most of the states don’t actually know that he does, only the OG13 know because oh boy did he have horrible control over it as a young child

Was very confused when he found out that the other states don’t have family’s, that they just spawned out of nowhere, in his mind it shouldn’t be possible but it is (“You can’t just CREATE mass like that, just because magic exists doesn’t mean you can just IGNORE SCIENCE!!!!”)

While he cooks a TON at the StateHouse, he actually tends to eat out when at home, support local diners oh and Wawa and QuickCheck

Was very obsessed with demon magic and stuff during the pandemic in the StateHouse, listen he was bored and curious, it was stupid but fun

[gallifreyangrumbling]

All Doctor Who Title Sequences: 1963-2023 | Doctor Who

Butterfly wings (1963-1967)

Howlround (1967-1969)

Suspiria (1970-1973)

Diamonds I: Vortex (1973-1974)

Diamonds II: TARDIS (1974-1980)

Starfield: Original/Fade In (1980-1981)

Starfield: Original/Slide In (1981-1984)

Starfield: Brighter/Flash In (1984-1985)

Starfield: Brighter/Flash In/Remix (1986)

Sylver & Ice (1987-1989)

"The TV Movie" (1996)

Past & Future: Orchestral/Plain Logo (2005-2006)

Past & Future: Orchestral/Firey Logo (2006-2007)

Past & Future: Rock Mix/Firey Logo (2007-2010)

Lightning storm: TARDIS Logo (2010-2011)

Lightning storm: Themed Logos (2012)

Swirl! Whoosh! Zaap! Zip! (2012-2013)

Time is spiralling (2014-2017)

Gloopy (2018-2022)

Diamonds III: Clouds (2023- )

[media-please]

How did they all end up in the TV show?

So there’s a lot of detail to it because I can’t be casual about anything ever, but here’s the basics:

80s: Crab only remembers a lightning storm passing over the studio whilst filming Episode 3.

90s: Sandman found a black and white TV that only played the show (which got cancelled years ago). It turned itself on at about 3am, and that’s the last thing he recalls.

2000s: Donnie, an urban explorer, broke into the original studio that America’s Suitehearts was recorded in. He tried to leave through the front door but found himself in a different world entirely.

2010s: Benzedrine became somewhat obsessed with the show- it was still releasing episodes, but research showed that no one was creating it. After searching for years for Episode 3, it was mailed to his address on VHS. He didn’t even get to see the title screen before he was transported.

Now, none of them particularly remember who they were before the TV show, but they remember they’re not supposed to be there…

[chynandri]

Hi, it's the anon from the other day!! I also can't believe we're getting new Marianas Trench music in 2024, but Haven was even better than I could have expected lol. The album was inspired by Josh's parenthood journey! Lightning and Thunder is about when he found out he was gonna be a parent, and the verse at 1:25 on Nights Like These is about when his son was born :D You're also right that Haven contains an Ever After reference (7:01 is the four note motif of Ever After!!). I really loved the callbacks this time, they were blended into the songs so well 😭 The Ever After reference transition into A Normal Life is soooo good 😭😭

Also just one more thing I wanted to mention as a fellow Masterpiece Theatre fan 😭 During the bridge of Worlds Collide with the "If I burn out" lyrics, there are actually background vocals with lyrics from Cross My Heart ("Cross my heart / I hope to die")!! Double Masterpiece Theatre references!!!! Not to mention, the "This is where the worlds collide / This is just a part that I" lyrics right near the end of that section are suspiciously close to Masterpiece Theatre's repeated "This is just a part I portray"... Literally worlds colliding. I felt like I was gonna bounce off the walls when I heard it for the first time 😭 Sorry for the writing so much!!

Ohhhh thank you for that background info, it's interesting listening to the album again with the context of becoming a parent... I get the impression that across the albums Josh has struggled with fame, substance abuse, relationships, mental health and probably even more but this album sounds rather optimistic despite the storm that keeps being mentioned - so I feel happy for him!

The callbacks and all the songs having similar sounds/genres as everything they've done previously (but like still doing something different especially with the rock opera style songs they're so good at) does transport me back to the 2010s honestly. The use of synth (?) in some of the songs gives me more of that retro/nostalgia vibe too.

Ah I love when bands do a medley of their songs (one of the reasons I love Fall Out Boy lol) because didn't the Masterpiece Theatre songs also combine the lyrics of songs on the album? Worlds Collide was like pure fanservice fr. I love that 'this is just a part I portray' was cut off and interrupted in the song. Instead of life being a theatre performance perhaps now you can live authentically - despite mental illness and things about you that make you different than 'normal' (which is what these songs are about to me personally). The last line of the album being the extremely powerful long note on 'life' really emphasizes this hope and will to live. Much to think about... Marianas Trench your mind...

[life-of-a-dinosaur]

Current On Rotation: 04/11/23

"Starfall" by Salem

I'm about ten years late to the SALEM witch house movement, but whatever I am always late. I have had this song and the insane music video of them chasing storms across Oklahoma on repeat for the past 24 hours. It's shot beautifully and the slow subtle beat of the song and their mumbled words fit perfectly against the backdrop of a darkening sky lit up only by streaks of lightning and eventually them running towards a building cyclone of dust.

I dug so deep in the internet yesterday that I watched a 45 minute fan sourced documentary on youtube called SALEM: Midwest Side Story by Project Lund that chronicled the band. A brilliant fan sourced doc by someone who so obviously loved the band and their music very much. (Seriously the doc is wall to wall packed with their music.)

They didn't hide or sugar coat anything, especially John Holland and Jack Donoghue's terrifying addictions over the years of friendship and collaboration. It was disturbing and like watching the opioid epidemic of the early 2010's play out between two skinny best friends as they traveled from Chicago down to the deep bayous of Louisiana. Which as beautiful as the bayous are, they hold a deep kind of intensity and isolation that can lead many down an even darker path. Or like Julia Fox said about her photography book shot there, aptly titled PTSD, "Bayou culture is kind of nuts because it's almost tribal...People love to get fucked up. I think it makes the time go by faster."

But this song has pulled me into a trance and it's hard not to go on and on about how ahead of the music game SALEM were sounding like Soundcloud rappers half a decade before those like BONES and lil peep even existed. It's also hard to see these talented musicians haunted by their own self destructive tendencies.

But their music and impact will live on as I close my eyes and find myself fading away into the storm right along with them. No wonder Julia Fox fell in love with John Holland, I think I'm falling in love with their music as I type this .

"The stars gonna fall every night I see a stranger look in your eyes I know that we've only just met But I don't want to see you cry."

Happy Spinz Everyone! <3 <3 <3

[beni75]

Photos and texts: @eric_treece

1-. Lightning shots have been pretty elusive this year for me! Need another year like 2010 and storm like this one near Peyton, Colorado

2-. Lightning south of Brewster, Kansas, in May 2006

3-. Lightning streaks across we the sky near Charlevoix, Michigan in Sept. 2013

4-. Lightning strikes a tree about 1-2 mile away on July 3, 2015 near the town of Elbert, Colorado

5-. Lightning striking near Simla, Colorado

6-. Lightning striking near Spring Valley Ranch golf course clubhouse near Elizabeth, Colorado

7-. Lightning. Storm off of Chicago in the summer of 2012

8-. Mammatus clouds at sunse on a supercell storm near Grand Is, Nebraska in May 2004

9-. Mammatus clouds hang over the windmills near Ramah, Colorado. June 2013

10-. Monsoon storm at sunset on july 3, 2015 east of Pueblo, Colorado

11-. Moonsoon season is almost upon us in Colorado

12-. One of my favorite lightning shots that I have captured while out sailing! This one taken last summer on Lake Michigan

13-. One of the most beautifully structured Supercell Storms I have ever witnessed in Winona, Kansas

14-. Rain of Fire monsson storm near Elizabeth, Colorado in August 2010

15-. Run like Hell! Horace, Kansas. July 19, 2015

16-. Severe warned storm north of Matheson, Colorado on June 4, 2015

17-. Simla, Colorado on june 4, 2015

18-. Stormy skies in Elbert County, Colorado. June 2015

19-. supercell storm approaching an old farmstead near Lydia, Kansas on July 19, 2015

20-. The little storm that couldn't! Western, Kansas in may 2012

21-. The only time I could get into position to get 2 of the tornadoes of the Simla, Colorado

22-. There is an incredible feeling when you get on that one magical storm that gives you the opportunity to shoot lightning like this!

23-. This beautiful little rope tornado spawned from a supercell storm near Akron, Colorado in may 2014

24-. Throwback to about this time last year as this awesome anvil crawler lightning bolt shot across the sky in Burns Harbor, Indiana!

25-. Tornado south of Simla. Colorado June 4, 2015

26-. Union Pacific 1823 southbound near Limon, Colorado, in june with a SVR Warnerd thunderstorm on its heels!

27-. Without a doubt this is the most popular picture I have ever taken. Union Pacific 7698 speeds past with a supercell storm on its heels on may 19, 2014

28-. Yesterday was a beautiful day at Rocky Mountain National Park. Colorado

29-. Lightning on a foggy night near Milwaukee, Wisconsin on April 12, 2014

30-. Lightning on May 23, 2011. North f Kingfisher, Oklahoma!

[linzerj]

Me realizing I haven't actually posted any new art of my OCs in almost 2 years-

Anyway I'm entering Liz in the @smallartistocbracket ! Here's a quick masterpost:

Its the girl! Elizabeth "Liz" Turner was my first OC, made almost 13 years ago at this point? (2010 was some of the first art I did of her wow...) She's undergone lots of design changes and backstory updates/edits. Originally a Danny Phantom and Teen Titans crossover OC, Liz currently exists in a weird limbo state of me trying to figure out how she and her friends' stories can work in a totally separate universe. She and my other OCs were designed as a hero team, so im kinda just... trying my best to figure them out at this point lol.

Most of her backstory is unchanged - she and her parents were all victims of a terrible car crash. But while her parents passed on, Liz got stuck behind as a ghost. As she tries to figure out what to do with herself now, Liz discovers her electic-based powers; meets a gargoyle named Violet, two super-powered girls named Carmen and Brianna, and normal-girl-who-accidentally-got-roped-into-their-problems Laella; and becomes the emotional backbone of their little hero team. But don't let her cheery outward personality fool you - its all a cover for her PTSD from the accident and losing her parents and old life. She does such a good job she even convinces herself she's fine for a long time, but she does eventually recognize it's all a mask and seeks some professional therapy.

(AAAHHH tumblr why didn't you save the rest of this - heck. I'll try and add back what tumblr has lost...)

Liz, being a ghost, kind of... doesn't age. And cant die. And so.... she has. A bit of an existential crisis as time goes on, and her friends start passing on...

(Left: young, optimistic Liz, about 5 years after dying, and 4 years after she met all her friends. She'd be about 23-24, if she were alive. Right: older, tired Liz, about 100 or more years later.)

Liz is notorious for using her ghostly powers for pranks when she's younger. But invisibility, intangibility, and flight make for a great combo for spooking people - with harmless intentions of course!

But her main power is electricity, or lightning - because her ghost 'core' is electric-based, due to the environment (stormy conditions) when she died. She can generate small static shocks or devastating lightning bolts - she can act as a lightning rod, redirect or absorb electricity, make ball lightning or a lightning wall-shield - and she can even act as an AED in an emergency, after learning finer control.

(Fun fact: her hero name was originally Storm. Because in 2010 I had somehow not seen X-Men, and didn't know about Storm... currently, she has no hero name, as I haven't yet thought of a new one.)

I definitely had more, but can't recall what tumblr deleted ... so, here's some more pics of Liz! And links to the spotify playlists I made for her too.)

[theramblinghockeydude]

What is your passion in life?

What are you passionate about in life? What really gets you going and makes you happy, no matter what? Here are 3 things I have been passionate about in life and why.

Rock hunting. I know that sounds odd, how can one be passionate about...rocks. That is a good question, and maybe I can't fully answer that, but I just know that from a young age, I have loved rock hunting. I think what started me down that road as a young boy was the fascination with how many different types of rocks there are and what caused them to be so different. The thrill of going out and finding something that is just so cool looking was great as a young boy and let me tell you, that feeling never left as an adult. When rock hunting as a young boy most of my cool finds are either some variety of quartz or a nice piece of granite. I had no clue most of the time what the rock actually was back in those days, I just knew that it looked cool. When I got older and was able to venture out further and to different places, I was able to see more of what was out there. The trip in 2010 to SD was great, some of the agates I found were super cool. When my sister and I pulled into the first area we decided to try there was nothing but rocks as far as the eye could see. I mean, I could have spent the entire day at that area and still not covered everything I would have liked to. Another cool time I remember was when my sister had just got done taking some pictures at the horse corral area of Little Missouri State Park, beautiful wooden patio overlooking the badlands. We were driving back on a gravel road and I asked her to stop at this weathered away hillside to see what was there. Ended up finding some cool shale with a green mineral growing out of it. I wasn't sure what the mineral was, but it sure did look cool. This reminds me of driving back from the SD Badlands and stopping at a weathered away hillside to do some hunting and find some fantastic rocks there. One was a pretty decent sized agate that my friend thought looked like a dinosaur head. I always wanted to cut that rock open to see what it looked lik inside. The other part of rock hunting that I loved was the peace it brought me. Getting out on a beautiful day and just being alone with my thoughts was always nice. There was no stress, no anxiety, none of that existed in the rock hunting world, I could simply exist and be in the moment.

Photography was another passion of mine for many years. Again, it was all about getting out and finding something new and exciting to capture. A beautiful sunrise or sunset. Storm clouds rolling in. What kind of wildlife are you going to see. I remember the first time I came across a Ruddy Duck with it's baby blue colored beak, I thought that was so cool. The first male Wood Duck I saw in Oak Park with it's amazing colors. Male pheasants, although extremely beautiful, were a pain in my ass as they were very hard to photograph and took a ton of patience to get a good clean shot of. The first time I saw a moose and was able to get shot of it, I still remember that evening like it was yesterday. I was out and about in the Carpio area taking photo's of a storm. I had gotten some really good shots including some with a nice rainbow, and I came around this corner by a farm house and in the tree line I saw a big animal. At first I thought it might be a horse, but further investigation told me I had just found my first moose. I couldn't stop the car and roll down my window to get a shot quick enough. I had to calm myself a bit so as not to scare it away. One of my other favorite moments was taking in the scenic loop at Lake Darling and seeing something orange in the trees. I stopped and backed up, zoomed into the trees and saw an Oriole. Again, so excited, couldn't get the shot fast enough. My first time capturing lightning...gosh that was so cool. I was old fashioned in my approach to lightning, I enjoyed just sitting and taking shot after shot in hopes of capturing something cool. That first night I sat on my balcony and just kept shooting in hopes of getting a good lightning shot, and I was did indeed. I felt like Tom Hanks in Cast Away when he finally made fire.

Definitely a couple of passions in my life that I miss being able to do.

A passion that I found a bit too late in life was meteorology. Had I known earlier I definitely would have went to college for it. This one snuck up on me. I was scared of storms as a young man and hated them for much of early life because a Sunday storm meant no races at Nodak and that pissed me off. I don't know, sometime after I graduated college I just became fascinated by storms. I remember when I really felt it was night there was a storm that was brewing West of me and so I jumped in the car and headed West. I ended up chasing that storm was, gosh, I would say close to 100 miles. It was so thrilling and the clouds were so cool and the lightning and everything involved, just so much excitement, awe and wonder. I never did get a photo of a tornado, which bums out to this day, but I did see a few in my time. I remember being at my grandparents home and there was a tornado West of town out by Wal-Mart so I got in the car and drove out that way. I remember cresting a hill and getting my first view of the tornado, man, that was so cool. It had perfect structure to it. I drove out a bit further and parked in a lot a bit East of where the tornado had been and was lucky enough to see a few more funnel clouds form that day from the spot. I never stopped having a healthy fear and respect for storms, but for some reason I was able to push that aside to get out and see them first hand as much as possible. Oh yeah, the time I was watching from my balcony as the clouds above were just nasty looking and mean, and then off in the distance I saw a big dust cloud that came rolling by, probably no more than 200 feet in front of my balcony. That was pretty sweet. I would have loved to have studied storms for a living.

This brings me to my my greatest passion...hockey. UND hockey specifically. That is where it all started and that is where my hockey heart will always lie. I mean, the NHL is great, and Vegas is great and I love watching the games, and them winning the Cup last year was so very cool, especially since I was able to fully enjoy it, but UND hockey has always been and will always be my greatest passion. The season started tonight with an exhibition game against Manitoba, and, gosh, it was a great game. 10-0 final. Shots were something like 59-6. Granted, Manitoba is not a great team, but you still have to go out and make the plays in those games and the boys did that in spades. Jackson Blake, good lord, that guy is talented. Carolina Hurricanes fans, he might be a good one for you in a couple of years. Jayden Perron looked really good, especially for a freshmen in his first college game, again, looking at you Hurricanes fans. They came out fast and quick and never let up off the gas, which was nice to see as they have had a tendency in the past to start slow, and then ease up in those games, leading to some bad habits. I am trying to temper my excitement though as, again, just an exhibition game and the coming weeks will give us a much clearer vision of what this team is as we face some tough competition coming up. #3 Minnesota and then #1 Boston on their home ice. By the time conference play rolls around this team will be battle tested and we should know a lot more of where they truly are, but for tonight, I am going to be excited.

The message being, we all need passions in our life, things that make us truly happy and allow us to escape life for a while and just enjoy being alive. No stress. No anxiety. Just simply being in the moment and happy.

[blaiddfailcam]

I'M FINALLY HOME

This was the most absurd trip for a wedding I've ever taken, but it was worth it in the end to see one of my best friend's beaming face as they turned to face the guests during such an important moment in their life. I'm not usually one for tradition, but I'll be damned if I can't keep a promise, lol.

[Needlessly verbose description of this completely fucked journey below.]

To paint a picture of how petulently fate tried to keep me and my sister from making the trip, I was supposed to have left on a train at ~10:00am Saturday morning to arrive at the destination ~6:00, an hour or so before the welcome reception. My train was canceled due to "wiring issues."

I contacted my sister, who already had a flight booked out of Philadelphia, but her arrival would be somewhere around 8:00pm, at the tail end of the ceremony. We caught a bus to the airport at 3:30pm, then waited at our gate until the time of our departure, ~6:30pm. Mind you, this was only supposed to be about a half-hour flight.

A storm rolled in. Our flight was delayed another hour.

The storm raged on. Every lightning strike necessitated another 15-minute wait before anyone could board. It was evident we weren't making it to the welcome reception, lol.

At around 8:00pm, the storm had subsided. But, it turns out the plane at the gate wasn't ours. More precisely, it was intended for another destination entirely, and because it couldn't lift off, our plane had no way of entering the gate to let us board. When it finally departed, we were left waiting in uncertainty whether another would arrive, as the next plane was flying in from Canada. There was talk that the flight might be delayed to the following morning—the day of the ceremony.

No sooner than 10:30pm, a plane arrived to carry us the 30 minutes to our destination. Mind you, I'd never flown before, so my anxiety was through the roof as it was, and the delay certainly didn't help, lol. All I could think during the flight was, "My rotten luck is what will bring this plane crashing down." It was a relatively turbulent flight through the clouds. Seeing nothing but reflected flashes of the plane's lights off the rushing clouds as I sat in utter darkness was a hell of a first flight experience.

Soon enough, we made touchdown, but keeping with the trend of tardiness that plagued our trip, we were stuck on the plane a few more minutes, as the airport receiving us was shortstaffed and we had no marshalls to guide the plane to the gate, lmao. The clock struck midnight as we made our way to the baggage carousel.

An hour and a half later, we barely managed to nab an Uber to our hotel. We checked in at almost 2:00am. My sister hadn't slept in over 24 hours.

The day of the ceremony was mercifully sunny, despite calls for rain. Naturally, we had trouble finding an Uber to our destination, and upon arrival at a sprawling, labyrinthine nature park, we realized we had no idea where to locate the blue cedar the ceremony was to be held under. We were offered vague directions, and hastened on our way at 12:54pm.

The ceremony would begin at 1:00.

In shorter a time than expected (the guide told us it was a 10-minute walk), we scrambled up a hill and spotted the ceremony gathering. Everyone was already standing. We made our way over quickly and quietly, and thankfully there were two empty seats on the side closest to our approach, which we took as soon as my friend and their bride reached the cedar tree. Their back was to us, so they hadn't noticed how deftly we had slipped into the crowd.

It was such a cute ceremony! Very gay, 10/10. Don't tell anyone, but the three of us met on Tumblr in 2010 over EarthBound memes. We'd visited each other a few times before, even if we only sparingly get a chance to communicate these days. To see them married in person after all these years was so fucking wholesome. Sorry, it all made me regress into 2010-speak. :')

It wasn't until toward the end of the ceremony that the brides faced the guests of honor. The smile they flashed upon seeing us there, half-dead from our successful misadventure made all my stress from the journey completely melt away. Later, at the reception, they told us that seeing us there had made their entire ceremony.

I still need to message them now that we've made it home. I'm just glad we could be there to witness it all, even if I am dead-tired and have work tomorrow morning.

Sorry if this was sappy of me, lol. I try to avoid blurting slam-poetry posts, but a wedding kind of deserves one.

[vv2321]

Jeff Seid Bio

Jeff Seid Bio

From the tender tendrils of youth, Jeff's heart danced to the rhythm of athletic pursuits, weaving a tapestry of passion through soccer, basketball, and football fields. But like a phoenix rising from the ashes, it was at the tender age of 16 that his path intersected with the realm of bodybuilding, casting an irrevocable spell upon his soul.

Within the hallowed halls of high school, Jeff seized the iron weights and, in a harmonious symphony of grunts and determination, fell irrevocably in love with the art of weightlifting. Day by day, hour by hour, he sculpted his physique, immersing himself in the sacred temple of the gymnasium, unravelling the mysteries of training and nourishment. His sweat-drenched toil bore fruit as he blossomed into a prodigious force, snatching victories at bodybuilding competitions even before donning the graduation cap.

The ensuing years saw Jeff's meteoric rise as a formidable figure in bodybuilding. Like a young titan striding upon Olympus, he etched his name among the pantheon of luminaries. In 2010, Jeff seized the Teen National Bodybuilding Championships. This conquest crowned him the supreme victor in the Teenage Division, an accolade that would forever be etched upon the annals of his triumphs. The embers of his ambition were stoked, casting an inferno within his being, propelling him forward on his relentless quest for greatness.

Yet, beyond bodybuilding, Jeff's luminescence radiates upon the entrepreneurial landscape and the vast realm of social media. A revered beacon, he attracts over 3 million followers on Instagram, weaving a tapestry of inspiration and urging souls to embrace the path of vitality and wellness. Harnessing his entrepreneurial spirit, he has birthed a realm of supplements, clothing, and fitness equipment, breathing life into a thriving empire that transcends mere muscle and embraces the ethos of a holistic lifestyle.

Jeff has encountered his share of storms like all beacons illuminating the world. In 2015, amidst the raging controversy, a fellow bodybuilder hurled a lightning bolt of steroid accusations. Standing tall as an oak amidst the storm, Jeff vehemently denied these claims. Nevertheless, the fallout cast shadows upon his path, stripping away specific sponsorships and leaving him to navigate the storm with unwavering resilience.

Undeterred by the raging winds of adversity, Jeff emerged from the storm unscathed, his spirit unyielding. He stands today, an epitome of inspiration for countless souls traversing the globe, yearning to sculpt their destinies through the crucible of health and fitness. With unwavering dedication, relentless toil, and an unquenchable passion for bodybuilding, he has etched his name in the sky of success, transcending mere mortal boundaries.

As the tapestry of time unfolds, Jeff Seid shall continue to inscribe his indomitable legacy upon the world, each stride a resounding proclamation of his unwavering spirit. The realm of bodybuilding, entrepreneurship, and beyond shall bear witness to the radiant brilliance of this extraordinary individual, a luminous testament to the power of dreams forged in iron and harnessed by unyielding will.

Jeff Seid Age

Born on the radiant day of June 12, 1994, Jeff entered this world, bestowing the gift of his presence upon it. With time, the sands of the hourglass have carried him through the tapestry of life, gracing him with the wisdom and experiences that accompany 28 revolutions around the sun.

Jeff Seid Height, Weight & Physical Appearance

Jeff's towering presence commands attention, standing at an impressive height of 6 feet 0 inches (183 cm), a testament to his physical stature. His robust frame, weighing between 205 and 215 pounds (88.5 to 93.0 kg), exudes strength and power.

The magnificence of Jeff's physique transcends mere description, as his sculpted form embodies the epitome of definition and toning. His low body fat percentage unveils a canvas of intricately chiselled musculature. A broad expanse of shoulders beckons admiration, while his chest, etched with precision, speaks volumes of his dedication. His well-defined abs invoke a sense of wonderment, a testament to countless hours spent pursuing physical perfection.

Gaze upon his arms and be captivated by the artistry that adorns them. Muscular and meticulously carved, his biceps and triceps silently testify to his unwavering commitment. The symphony of his physique resonates with harmony and proportion, captivating the discerning eye and earning him a rightful place among the champions of bodybuilding.

Beyond the realm of his physical attributes, Jeff possesses a charismatic allure that transcends the tangible. A classic embodiment of the "pretty boy" aesthetic, his chiselled facial features testify to his captivating presence. Meticulously groomed hair crowns his countenance, enhancing his charismatic appeal.

Jeff Seid's Net Worth

Jeff's resplendent journey extends beyond the stage of fierce competition. He has ascended the virtual realm, harnessing the power of technology to transcend boundaries and become a revered online trainer and fitness influencer. Through his digital presence, he has captivated the hearts and minds of countless individuals, sharing his expertise and inspiring them to embrace a life of strength and wellness.

Jeff's prowess lies in his triumphs as a competitor and influencer, and his extraordinary physique has set him apart from his peers. Admiring eyes have marvelled at his chiselled form, a testament to his unyielding discipline and relentless pursuit of physical excellence. The such remarkable distinction has not only garnered him admiration but has also translated into substantial financial success. Throughout his illustrious career in the fitness industry, Jeff has amassed an estimated fortune of $1.5 million, a testament to the value placed upon his exceptional talent and undeniable charisma.