#20 is a huge number and i can't count

[watery-melon-baller]

ive been fuckin gaslit by google again lads

[marsmaximoff]

🎄; 25th of december ❄︎⋆˚⊹☃︎

content warning: fem!reader. pure fluff. many curses. reader is 20 and calls him “dym” as a short name, he calls her “love, darling and my love”. they’re dating. let me know if i missed something.

word count: 732 ❣️

author’s note: i wasn’t planning on posting anything for Christmas, but i got this idea and i had to write it. so, i apologize if the quality is not that good, as i usually spend days on my writings while this was all done on a matter of hours. also, english is my third language, so i’m sorry for the mistakes. constructive criticism is welcomed as always. thank you so much for the support on my last post, and merry christmas everybody! 🤍 happy hanukkah, kwanzaa, diwali or any other celebrations too 🫶🏻 and if you don’t celebrate anything, have a happy end of the year ✨ p.s.: god im in love with dmitri and almost no one is posting anything, i’ll probably post more of him. anyways, enjoy!! <3

the silk grazes my fingertips as i stretch my arm. i tentatively palm the bed looking for some warmth, for him. but the sheets and pillows are the only things left around me.

the screen of my phone clears up as i blink. 11:28 a.m. with a bit more of focus, the notifications slowly reveal themselves and my eyes travel through them searching for his name. nothing. he’d have texted me if something had requested his presence back at the office. although, he couldn’t have business to deal with on Christmas, right? not this soon, at least.

the pearly white snow greets me through the window making me stand up with a smile. how gorgeous. i make my way to the kitchen to grab something to drink while knotting my robe, and the shiny decor welcomes me effusively. i don’t realize at first, but a big and unfamiliar shadow catches my attention from the corner of my eye while i open the carton of juice.

“holy fuck. dym?”

our christmas tree, stunning as always, lays now almost drowned in presents. in fact, the stack is such, that i can’t even make out the floor for a good four-five steps. some light chuckles behind my back fill the room with the warmth i’ve been craving since i woke up. “beautiful, isn’t it?”

i turn around to dmitri sitting on the couch, staring at me with a huge grin. as if that number of gifts was the most normal sight in the world. “what the hell?” “you’ve had me waiting, darling. did you sleep good?” he asks affectionately.

“what are you, on your Santa Claus era?” i say looking at the presents again. he grants me that laugh that i adore so much as i try to give them a quick count, but after the twentieth, it starts to feel simply bonkers. they’re not even small ‘little treats’, oh no. there’s large boxes and bags everywhere.

“seriously, are you giving gifts to your whole fucking building? or is every one of your men getting one?”

“wrong. and. wrong” he says proudly, and once he’s in front of me, he just smiles. there are obvious love and joy in his eyes, which sends a cute fluttery feeling to my heart. “dmitri-“ his lips seal my words with a gentle kiss. “merry christmas, love”. a sparkle makes space on his gaze that could so easily compete with the star of the tree itself. wait. oh. oh. there’s no way.

his hands take mine and softly walk me towards the swimming pool of gifts. then, he sits close by and points at them with his head. “come on, darling. you’ve had me feeling all impatient”. he looks so excited. so cheerful. but i can’t help the slight guilt that takes over me. “dym, you’re crazy. tell me these are not only for me. you can’t- god do you even have an idea of how many there are?!” “40”. he doesn’t even take a single second to think about it. seriously, what the actual fuck? “two for every christmas i couldn’t spoil you in” this has to be a damn dream. “we’ve been friends since school!” i say grinning. “but we weren’t dating. so it doesn’t count. i wanted to make it special.” “you really didn’t have to” i refute. “i wanted to. please don’t make me wait anymore i need to see your reactions”. with a final glance, i turn around and grab the first one. “ohhh you’ll love that one!”

how can he be so cute? he wasn’t wrong, tho. it was a special edition of one of my favorite books. during the next hours, i go one by one, filling the room with gasps, yells, curses and many “oh my good”s and “thank you so much”s.

by the end of it, i’ve got clothes, books, headphones, plushies, a phone, jewelry, plane tickets, merchandising, signed stuff from famous people i love, and the cherry on top; a new car.

“you are mad. i love you so much but you’re mad” i say hugging him still shocked. “madly in love with you, you mean” he answers pulling back. “you liked them, then?” “loved them” he gives me another kiss, longer this time. “good. merry christmas, my love. i love you” he adds.

he can only hope i’ll love the ring just as much.

[cdelphiki]

Nightwing Cover Cross Stitch

I made a cross stitch pattern based on the cover of Nightwing #78 art by Bruno Redondo.

It's a full coverage piece, but you could skip the pale blue background if you wanted. It's a large piece, 200 by 307 stitches. How large yours will be will depend on what size stitches you do. If you do 11 count (11 stitches per inch) it will be 18.2 x 28 inches. If you do 26 count, it would be 7.7 x 12 inches. Always add about 5 inches to both measurements so you have plenty of space around your piece. You don't want the fabric to unravel and ruin your project. You can cut the fabric down after you're done if you don't like having a lot of excess.

The threads I use are all in DMC, the numbers from most used to least used are 310, 995, 3756, 3842, 437, 996, 162, 3843, 738, 739, 435, and 801. Estimates for how many skeins you need are listed on both the PDF and in the excel file.

Here's the PDF file, it's printable with a chart broken up into 20 pages. (Yes, it's huge!)

And here is the Excel file, since I built it in Excel. If the colors and symbols I picked out don't work for you for whatever reason, you can edit them in excel. My instructions inside it are meant for working with it inside Microsoft Excel, I have no idea how to use google sheets so I can't help you there. You can download the file from this link and then open it up in Excel.

Also, in the excel file, I have four workbooks. The first is the chart with a grid, broken into the 20 panels I used to make the PDF. The second is the high contrast chart without a grid, the third is the graph in the colors of the suggested thread, and the fourth is all the thread information.

If anyone ends up making this, I would LOVE to see process pictures! I started mine yesterday, and I'm so excited about it. This is the first time I've ever sat down and written up one of my patterns to share, so I hope everything is easy to follow. Let me know if you have any questions!

[hammed-burger08]

| Selcouth | Chapter one: space station |

Platonic! Yandere! alien x reader

Warnings: Yandere behaviour, violence, death

Summary: While recovering a space capsule your astronaut team discovers an intelligent life form that seems to be a little too attached to you.

Word count: 1,246

Chapters: | one | two | three | four |

A/n: Hey! This is my first ever story that I have posted to tumblr, please go easy on it. Anyway thank you for reading <3

~

“Datalog: entry number 1

Our team of astronauts has finally made it near the orbit of Grannus. Hopefully, the capsule containing the samples taken from Grannus arrives soon. I have a feeling that—" Just as you were about to end your data entry, your favorite person on board interjects.

"Hey, whatcha doing?" You turn around, jumping a little while doing so.

"Oh hey, David! You scared me." David is one of the two people you are currently stationed with inside of the White Sparrow, working as a pilot. He is the only person on this ship you actually enjoy having a conversation with, which isn't saying much, but you really do appreciate having him near you.

"My bad, girly," David replies with a disingenuous tone, laughing a little while he says it. This is one of the reasons why you absolutely love having him around; he always makes you laugh even if it's at the expense of you being teased—which it often is. Not to mention, David is a gorgeous man. You don't feel any attraction to him, but you can admit that he is beautiful. David is a brunette with brown eyes, tan skin, and huge muscles. And by huge muscles, you mean HUGE muscles; seriously, you've seen the man pick up 300 pounds of equipment like it's nothing.

"What's with the new addition of data logs?" David releases his hold from your shoulder, giving you a curious look.

"I want to document everything about this trip, seeing as we could make a huge scientific breakthrough."

"Understandable, however, don't you think you could use other methods of documenting like, um, I don't know, typing on a computer?" With a curious look shifting to an awkward one, David rubs the back of his neck.

"I mean, I have no issue with the data logs, it's just that if the wicked witch of the west heard that, she would flip her shit," he says, trying to explain his last statement.

"Wicked witch of the west? You mean Isla?" Isla was the other person on the ship, working as the technician. Both of you disliked her; however, David disliked her much less than you. It's not like you hated the woman—in fact, you respected her—it's just that she would often belittle you for your attitude (she hated everyone with a positive outlook on life). She was the kind of person to go out of her way and look for any reason to yell at you. You could literally just be sitting there, and she would pull something out of thin air to throw at your face.

"Yes, as if that wasn't obvious already."

"Bro, you can't say that! What if she hears you? I don't wanna be turned into a frog because of your dumbness!"

“Im too pretty to be a frog” you hear David mutter.

"You're so full of yourself," you huff, rolling your eyes.

"Anyway, we should probably get to working before she gets on us." Sighing, David begins to make his way out of the living quarters and into his stationed area.

"Right." You follow him until you inevitably part ways, you going to the medical/research side of the space station and David going to the control room.

It's only 20 minutes later when you hear the devil herself start to lose her temper with you.

"What do you think you're doing!" Isla loudly exclaims. You literally were not doing anything; in fact, you were just passing through her station.

"Nothing."

"If it's nothing, then why do I see you tampering with my things?" You're starting to believe this woman is actually delusional.

"What are you talking about?"

"I can very clearly see you destroying my things," she says with an attitude as if you just dropped a bomb on her work station.

"I literally have not touched anything," giving her a dumbfounded look, you turn to start making your way back to your station.

"Whatever, just leave. If I find out that any of my things are missing, I'm reporting you." Did she literally just tell you to leave even though you were already doing so? Did she actually just accuse you of stealing her things? What is her problem?

"Whatever you say, man." Not wanting to pick a fight, you quicken your pace and make your leave. Despite Isla's horrible personality and overall attitude, she was a very beautiful woman. Isla is a thin, tall brunette with striking blue eyes. She has tan skin and an award-winning smile.

While leaving, you catch a look at one of Isla's monitors. It shows a red blinking dot rapidly approaching the station. You see her turn and give you a look as if you caused it. You were about to question what it was, but you quickly didn't. You already know questioning her won't do you any good, so you go to David. David explains that it's the capsule you and your team have been trying to get your hands on for the past 2 months.

"Datalog: entry number 2

According to our radars, the capsule is headed off track and is rapidly heading towards our location. Isla is currently getting the space station ready to accommodate the capsule." Ending the data log, you look over to Isla's annoyed face. She clearly didn't enjoy you having data logs, but she will just have to deal with it. Slowly, the capsule docks at the end of the space station, locking in place and securing itself on board.

"Great work out there, Isla!" you exclaim, giving her a thumbs up. Isla just stared at you with a bored expression.

"…" You sat there for a good ten seconds waiting for any type of response from Isla, just to get nothing.

"Fantastic job out there, Isla! I knew we could count on you!" David shouts while walking through the door.

"Thank you, David." Wooowwwwww, she really told him thank you even though you basically said the same thing. It's obvious who the favorite is.

Making your way up to the capsule, you begin to unlatch the door. Stepping through the capsule, you look around at the samples the robot on Grannus collected.

"What do we have here?" you say, paying close attention to a certain glass box. It looked like it was moving.

"No fucking way! Oh my god! No fucking way!!!" You shout, running towards the box, missing the nasty look Isla was giving you.

"What is that thing?" Isla says, sounding absolutely disgusted.

"I have no idea," you answer, feeling as though you were on cloud nine. You quickly begin to pick the box up and set it on a table that didn't have anything else on it. The creature in the box was not like anything you have ever seen before. In the middle of its body (?) there seemed to be a closed lily-looking shape that was white. Going out from the middle of the creature, there were four central appendages, all reaching a span of about 21 centimeters. Connecting those appendages was an almost translucent film of cloth-like membrane. In fact, all of the creature seemed to be made of cloth.

"Should we contact the people back on Earth?" you question.

"Yeah, but the signal won't reach them for another 2 weeks," David answered after not speaking for a while.

"I'll get to that right now because whatever that thing is freaks me out," Isla says, walking out of the capsule looking as though she was going to puke.

"Your loss," you mutter.

[demon-country]

One thing I think people tend to forget is that, due to how short the episodes are and how few there have been despite the large time frame that's been covered so far, we know very little about the lives of any of the characters. Including Blitz, who is the main character. We've only seen a handful of interactions between Stolas and Blitz and even fewer solo scenes regarding how they feel about their relationship, and they're all important because they set up future plot points, but they're not in depth and thus are functionally taken out of context. We can only speculate about stuff like some of the memory fragments in All 2 U or the exact content of the many phone calls between Blitz and Stolas, using deductive reasoning to figure out what makes the most sense given the clues we have.

There's so much that the writers are forced to only drop hints and subtext about, because they simply do not have the time to explore things more if they don't want to drag the show out forever, so people who don't pay close enough attention or who don't want to acknowledge the romantic feelings between Blitz and Stolas end up saying that things went too fast. It's like, guys, you know they've been interacting for over 20 months, right? Surely you can't think the few minutes of them we've seen on screen is indicative of their entire relationship, right??? It only seems fast now because it was really important to show the rapid paradigm shift that happened as a result of the crystal exchange.

And while we're at it, this is what bothers me so much when people say Stolas probably doesn't know Moxxie and Millie's names. Stolas has, by Blitz's own admission in Oops, been interacting with him on social media and calling Blitz on the regular to ask about his day for about a year and a half, if we don't count the months where they didn't talk after Ozzie's. And note that even though this is part of his rant about how Stolas is only using him for sex, Blitz doesn't mention phone sex, he only says that Stolas calls to ask about his day - meaning that they must actually end up talking about what Blitz has been up to fairly often. When put into that context, do you honestly think that Blitz has somehow never once mentioned Moxxie and Millie by name?

Moxxie, Millie, and especially Loona are very important to Blitz and Stolas would undoubtedly remember their names for that reason alone, but they're also a huge part of his everyday life so they're gonna come up in conversation pretty often, both on social media and anytime Blitz indulged Stolas and talked about his day. Blitz has probably ranted about something Moxxie did fairly often during his phone calls with Stolas, and where Moxxie is mentioned so too will Millie inevitably be brought up. And you know Blitz wouldn't miss an opportunity to gush about how perfect and amazing Loona is. All of which we can infer due to the fact that Blitz does all of those things many times in a variety of settings over the course of the series.

The assumption that he doesn't know their names is ultimately based solely on the belief that, because Stolas has certain unconscious racial and class biases, he must not care about any imp other than Blitz, to the point where he'd have had to intentionally ignore and forget every mention of their names to not know them by this point. Stolas has a lot of shit he needs to unlearn and has said/done a number of harmful, demeaning things to imps (including to Moxxie and Millie in Loo Loo Land), but this is not one of them.

[orcboxer]

listen 20 years ago i was happy and now i'm not so as far as i'm concerned yeah the world is getting worse

I grew up in a hyperreligious, hyperconservative family and church that was constantly convinced that we were living in The End Times and the future always looked bleak and every new problem was The Worst Things Have Ever Been and we were all miserable all the time. And when you believe without question that Things Are Always Getting Worse, that implies Things Were Better In The Past. And that's like, a cornerstone of right wing ideology. On the big picture, if you can't conceive of a better future, you won't bother trying to make one, and that makes you easier to control.

Now I can't speak to your personal life, of course, and I'll admit my life is better now than it was 20 years ago (I left the church, came out as gay, started treatment for my mental health, all that jazz). But I can tell you that the quality of life of the average human has improved, and things are, overall, largely improving on many different levels globally.

Over the past century, globally speaking, the average lifespan has increased, infant mortality has decreased, poverty has greatly decreased, education has become way more accessible, voter inequality has decreased, water quality has increased, food availability has greatly increased, access to healthcare has increased -- I could go on. You'd actually be really surprised how much better things have gotten. Every person I've "quizzed" on it has greatly underestimated the quantity of statistical improvement. It's like we're all conditioned to assume the worst.

It's easy to fixate on all the problems, and it doesn't help when that's all anyone ever talks about. But that's why it's so important to keep things in perspective. If a headline is like "525 billion tons of pollution is in the ocean" you just see a big number and assume it's bad, but you have no frame of reference for it so you're really just going on vibes. You gotta ask like. How much pollution was there last year? What is being counted as pollution? How did they arrive at this number? What initiatives are being taken to remove pollution? So on and so forth.

We are constantly flooded with hyperbolic doomerism and while there absolutely are very real problems that need urgent action (like climate change), it is also completely unhelpful to anyone for us to burn ourselves out trying to be The Correct Amount Of Upset about all the problems in the world all the time. You can't fix everything, you have limits, but there are things you can help with. Do those things and let yourself feel good about it. And let yourself actually appreciate the work that other people have done to make the world a better place. So many people whose names will never grace history books have paved the way for you to do your thing, and it's a damn shame all that work goes underappreciated by most folks.

Learn to question negative statements. If someone says "The world is getting worse" you should be asking, "By what metric?" And then you should be asking, "How can we improve those numbers?" I swear to god it makes a huge difference for your mental health.

[hellfirexwhore]

Forget What You've Heard E.M.

Line cook!Eddie Munson x Bartender!Reader

Sorry it took so long between posts! I've been working all day every day so it's busy over here. I hope you enjoy! 

I do not give permission for my work to be copied / posted as original work on any platform.

Your favorite co-worker's flirty nature is your favorite part of the workday, but is it genuine? Someone is feeding you lies just as your patrons are being fed mozzarella sticks and Eddie is determined to convince you he's not just playing games with your heart.

Misunderstanding, hurt/comfort, fluff, cursing, an asshole named Dylan (We all know one), use of Y/N

Wordcount 4.7k

You smile to yourself as you count up the tips you've made so far. Bartending has done wonders for your wallet, and it's totally worth it if you can look over the long hours on your feet, creeps trying to get into your pants, and going home smelling like sour mix and sweat. You just moved to Hawkins 6 months ago and since living on your own is expensive, you serve beers and shake cocktails at the karaoke bar downtown to make a living. It's easy work and you're good at it, but there's just one issue; your favorite co-worker is a huge distraction. Eddie is the cutest damn line cook you've ever seen with his curly hair always tied into a low bun and his smile that you're sure could cure a number of diseases, but those things don't make it easy to do your job efficiently. It's nearly impossible to grab a platter of nachos from the window without him throwing out a wink and calling you sweetheart, telling you you're doing a good job, or even sliding a basket of fries to you with a finger to his lips as a way of saying "Don't tell on me, honey." 

Tonight is no different. Eddie has been a total menace all night, flashing you that flirty smile, keeping you from your work with his corny pick-up lines that he insists will get him a date with you one day, making conversation, and giving you extra sides of ranch without making you ring them in first like the kitchen manager does. The second you walked into the back to set your bag down after arriving, he told you your hair looked absolutely ravishing even though it's just thrown into a clip like always, making you blush like crazy. It took nearly 20 minutes to get the scarlet red tint to leave your cheeks, and though you tried your hardest to hide it, Eddie sure as hell noticed, leaving a smile on his face throughout the busy evening.

"Hey sweetheart, I've got those wings for the bar top ready for you." You hear from behind you, snapping you out of your thoughts. You smile to yourself at the nickname and put the glass you've just finished washing upside down on the drying mat. 

You turn around to an always grinning Eddie leaning his elbows on the stainless steel of the mini counter under the window to the back of house and holding the ticket in between his index and middle digits. You take the slip of paper out of his hand slowly, letting your fingers touch for a moment before stabbing it through the small metal spike to your right. Every once in a while, you like to indulge in his flirtatiousness, though it makes you nervous. Eddie's fun, he's nice, and dishing back what he gives to you every day isn't hurting anyone. "Thank you, Eddie."

"Any time, sugar." He replies, winking and turning to grab a new ticket and drop an order of potato skins in the fryer. You shake your head, smiling from ear to ear, turning to serve the hot plate to one of your regulars. 

The rest of the shift goes great. Your tips are higher than you had planned, nobody had to be thrown out for fighting, and you got to hear a wonderful rendition of "My Heart Will Go On" sang by a very intoxicated older gentleman during the karaoke session. As you clean up the bar for the night, as always, you can't stop thinking about Eddie. You think tonight might actually be the night you ask him to hang out with you outside of work, though he's invited you to go get some late night pizza before, playfully pouting when you have to decline, telling him that you're exhausted and have to go back to the bar to open the next day. You've wanted to say yes, but Eddie makes you nervous. You're feeling bold tonight though, and you're optimistic. 

Unbeknownst to you, Eddie is in the kitchen cleaning the fryers, taking out the trash, and scrubbing the floors absentmindedly, almost like he's in auto-pilot because he can't get you out of his head. He wants so badly to ask you out, but he's tried that and you don't seem interested. He realizes you probably just flirt with him for fun, a harmless workplace friendship with some winks and pet names sprinkled in, but over the past four months, he's developed a serious crush on you. 

There's just something about you that makes you so different from everyone he's ever dated or been interested in. He doesn't feel like he has to change who he is for you. There's nothing better for Eddie's ego than how easy it is to make you smile, and goddammit what a beautiful smile it is. Every time you look at him through your lashes, blushing at something stupid he's said, Eddie feels like he could lift the entire building up with one hand and not even break a sweat. He fears he's in too deep at this point, the innocent flirting leading to him finding himself thinking about you even once he's gone home for the night. 

"Hey Eddie boy, I think you missed a spot." Eddie rolls his eyes at the irritating voice coming at him from his left. Dylan is one of the most insufferable people he's ever met and of course, he has the honor of working beside him at least 3 nights out of the week. 

Eddie doesn't turn his attention to Dylan, just continues wiping down the steel counter top. "Bite me, jackass." 

"Wow, someone's sassy today, huh? What, you didn't get enough attention from your little bartender tonight?" He smarmily replies, a disgustingly annoying grin on his face. Dylan, to Eddie's dismay, has picked up on the little "situation" between you two, making a joke of it every chance he can in an attempt to piss him off. 

Eddie laughs humorlessly, throwing his rag down and turning to the bane of his existence, crossing his arms over his chest. "Dude shut the fuck up."

"Hey look man, I get it! I'm just saying it's embarrassing watching you stare at her like a fucking creep all day. She does look pretty smokin' in those jeans though, so I don't blame you. Hey maybe I'll ask her out tonight, see if I can get some tail. Think she'll give up the goods?" He's smirking while Eddie's blood is raising in temperature. He can practically feel smoke coming out of his ears hearing this sorry excuse for a man speaking about you like you're just a piece of ass and not the sweet, funny, beautiful person you are. 

"I swear to God, I'll bust your teeth in." Eddie seethes, trying to keep his cool, at least while you're in the building. You're blissfully unaware of their hatred for one another and the last thing he needs is for you to see him throwing his fist into Dylan's face for talking about you. That wouldn't be very "innocent flirtationship" of him. 

"Guys! Come on, finish cleaning and knock it off. I don't have the energy for your cat fights tonight." The kitchen manager huffs, stepping between the two of them with a severely annoyed look on his face. Wordlessly, Eddie takes one more look at Dylan, picks his rag back up, and continues his task of degreasing all of the surfaces. He wants to get it over with and be able to clock in time to catch you before you leave and walk you to your car.

Dylan, the vindictive man he is, takes the opportunity to make his way through the swinging kitchen door and into the main bar area while Eddie isn't paying attention. You look up, expecting to find Eddie standing there, but confused when it's the guy you barely speak to heading in your direction.

"Hey Y/N, you do good tonight?" He asks, leaning against the bar. You smile politely, still wrist deep in soapy water from washing the bar glasses and beer mugs. 

"Yeah, better than I expected actually. Did you need something?" You ask, not rudely, but assuming he came for something specific seeing as he's never made small talk with you before.

Dylan takes a breath and rests his elbows on the hard wood of the bar top, shaking his head like he's trying to think of how to tell you what he sauntered up to you for. You begin to dry your hands, getting a little nervous thinking that maybe the manager had sent him up here to tell you something you've done wrong. You're still relatively new and you've never gotten in trouble here before, but you can't think of anything else he would need to say to you. "Look, I know you and Munson are friends, and I see the way you look at him. You like him, and before you deny it, just listen to me." 

Your heart starts to race. Did he tell Eddie? Did Eddie say something to him? How are you going to face him when apparently other people are picking up on this? Are you this obvious? You can't take it anymore so you nod, waiting for more information as you toy with your hands. 

"You seem sweet, okay and I don't want to see someone like you hurt by someone like him. Eddie and I are cool, but this is what he does. he flirts with the new ones, takes them home, and never speaks to them again. When another newbie comes in, he starts it all over again. I just thought you should know since I'm sure you're a genuinely nice person and I'm certain Eddie is taking advantage of that." Your heart drops at his words. You feared you were being played with, but you didn't want to believe it. You fell for Eddie's charms, and now it's time to face the harsh reality that you had completely misunderstood this whole situation and made yourself look like an idiot in front of everyone. 

"Um, wow. Well thanks for telling me, I appreciate it. I'm gonna finish up here and head out. Have a good rest of your night." You say, rushing through so you don't tear up mid-sentence. Dylan nods, not saying another word but offering a sympathetic smile before turning on his heel and going back through the door he came. You pull the plug to the dish sink, gather your signed receipts to shove into the drawer, and give the glazed wood one last wipe down. You hear Eddie say your name through the window but you act like you can't hear him. 

This whole thing could have been avoided if you wouldn't have fallen for the good looks and quirks of the fuzzy-headed, wild-eyed line cook. You never should have caught feelings in the workplace; that's like rule number 001 in the service industry. Never, under any circumstances, canoodle with your co-workers. You thought maybe this was an exception but now here you are, proven wrong. 

Heading through the swinging door to the kitchen, you avoid eye contact with everyone, especially Eddie, as you walk straight to the back to gather your things. You feel humiliated and giving Eddie the satisfaction of seeing you upset is out of the question so the sooner you can get out of the building, the better. You give quiet goodbyes to the managers and make a quick escape, or you at least try to before a hand reaches out to hold your forearm. 

"Hey, wait for me. I'll walk you to your car." Eddie says softly, giving you a soft smile. You can't bear to look him in the eyes, so you gently pull away, shaking your head. 

"It's fine Eddie, thanks though." You reply, turning to finally leave. Eddie watches as you throw your bag strap onto your shoulder and hurriedly make your way to the exit. Hurt washes over him and he's more confused than when he learned what a tampon is in middle school. He furrows his brow and slumps his shoulders, going back to his final task before he can leave for the night. He doubts you're still going to be in the parking lot by the time he can get out there, but his heart is racing like he might have a shot at catching you before you leave. 

Did he say something? Did his flirting finally make you uncomfortable tonight? He racks his brain trying to come up with some sort of reason why you would be upset with him. Normally, he would suggest that maybe you're just tired but even when you're on the verge of falling asleep where you stand, you can still manage to give him a sleepy smile and a breathy laugh at another one of his terrible jokes. Maybe he took it too far. Maybe he weirded you out or gave you the wrong idea. It wouldn't be the first time he's scared someone off.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You continue to go to work as normal, doing your best to not entertain anything Eddie had to say. The more distance you can create between the two of you, the less likely you'll get hurt. The time for stepping away from him to protect your feelings ended long ago but now it's time to do some damage control before you get worse. You get attached to people, and unfortunately that includes the bad people too. 

You thought long and hard about whether or not you actually believed Dylan. I mean it's his first time actually talking to you and he breaks the news to you that Eddie just wanted to get into your pants? Why would he care? After going back and forth with yourself over it for your entire day off, you don't know what to think but what you do know is that if they really are friends and if Dylan actually does care, then the safe bet is to just stay away. If he's telling the truth and you ignore that to continue growing your feelings for Eddie, you're in for a world of hurt and that's just not something you can deal with right now. 

You're not mean to Eddie when you work now; you just treat him like everyone else. You say "please" and "thank you", you ring in your extra sauces when you need them, you greet him just like you greet every other cook, and you don't flirt or bat your lashes at him anymore. Eventually, he is going to ask why but until he does, you can't bring yourself to ask him about it. It's humiliating and if he does have bad intentions, he's not going to be honest about it anyway so what's the point in starting that conversation? 

Eddie is trying everything. These past few days have been hell for him and he's grasping at straws. He offers to make you fries, you tell him, "Thank you, but I'm not hungry." He tries to ask you about your day, you apologize and say you're busy. He tries to catch you before you leave at night, but you practically sprint for the door the second you're finished with your side work. 

He watches through the window as you smile at your last patron of the night, desperately wishing that smile was for him. You haven't paid him any mind in 3 days and it's driving him crazy. It might be a little better if he actually knew what he did, but he's completely clueless. The awkward interactions are eating away at Eddie, and he knows if he doesn't say something soon, he'll explode. He starts his cleaning and breaking down the line as quickly as possible in an attempt to finish before you do so you don't run away from him again like you have been. If he doesn't get this straightened out, he doesn't know what he'll do. 

Your last tab is cashed out and you begin your cleaning, causing Eddie to pick up his pace. He knows it'll take you 20 minutes max now that you and him aren't chatting throughout to slow you down. As long as nobody gets in his way, he's determined to finally be able to talk to you tonight. Not playful banter, no pick up lines, just a real conversation. The sooner he gets back into your good graces, the better. 

"Trouble in paradise?" Eddie turns to see Dylan smirking with his arms across his chest. So much for nobody getting in his way. 

Eddie laughs humorlessly and goes back to his work. "Fuck off, dude." 

"Look man I'm just saying it seems like there's a little riff between the lovebirds lately. I wonder what happened, hm?" Dylan replies, his tone condescending as ever, doing his best to get a rise out of Eddie. To his dismay, it's working. 

"You don't know shit." Eddie mumbles, wringing out a sanitizer rag, his fingers already becoming little prunes extended from his hands from the extensive cleaning. 

"I don't know about that one, Ed. We had a really riveting conversation, seriously it was interesting, and I'm sure I know a little more than you think." This stops Eddie in his tracks. He breathes hard through his nose and turns on his heel, grabbing Dylan by his shirt and shoving him against the wall. 

"What the fuck did you say to her? Huh? Are you the reason she won't fucking talk to me? What the hell is wrong with you, you jealous son of a bitch?!" Eddie shouts. The manager on duty is already trying to break the two of them up and you hear the commotion from the front, peering your head into the window to see what the hell is going on. 

"Ooh Munson is mad! I just told her exactly what you're up to, that's all." Dylan says, calm as ever, a disgusting smile on his face. "Punching me won't undo it, so go ahead." 

"Enough! I swear to god, I will kick you both out." Eddie reluctantly loosens his grip on the boy's clothing, only pulling away completely when he's certain the risk of getting fired isn't worth hitting Dylan, even though the want to is overwhelming. 

 Eddie looks to you, his heart breaking at the disappointed look on your face. He decides this ends now. He has no idea what filth and lies have been planted in your head, but he needs to fix it and fast. He gives one last scowl to the man he was just threatening, and backs up, walking out of the kitchen door. 

He approaches the bar and you freeze. You don't know what you're supposed to say or do, so you do and say nothing. He has a soft look on his face, one very different than the one he was wearing in the kitchen just a minute prior. It's almost as if his rock hard persona turns to cotton candy when he's in your presence, and if you ask Eddie, that's exactly how that works. 

"Look, I know you don't want to talk to me and I'm still not entirely sure why, but please wait for me. Please talk to me, let me figure out what the hell happened, and let me fix it." He pleads. You think it over quickly, trying to figure out of this is something you even want to get into right now. You question his motives, still confused as ever. Helpless, you nod and see the relief wash over his entire body, giving you the same feeling as when you're in the middle of a horrific thunderstorm, and in an instant, the sun comes out of the dark clouds. Whether this conversation leaves you feeling like a sunny summer day or it leads to another crack of thunder, you're unsure but you have half an hour before you find out. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You sit there at the bar having finished your closing work, waiting for Eddie to finish his. Against your better judgement, you're happy to talk to him again but nothing can stop the knot in your stomach from growing tighter. All you wanted to do today was make some money, go home, cook dinner, take a bath, and watch a movie in bed but now, you're sitting here, anxiety building up in your body like a tower of mix-matched Lego pieces. 

You're taken out of your thoughts when Eddie exits the kitchen and walks toward you, not looking any less nervous than he did earlier in the evening. "Hey, sorry I took so long." 

"It's okay." You say quietly, standing up from the bar stool and pulling the strap of your backpack up onto your shoulder. "Do you want to talk outside?" 

Eddie nods, giving you a tight smile. He leads you out of the front door and around to the side of the building to the employee parking lot, not saying a word just yet. the silence is broken by the flick of your lighter, illuminating the tip of a cigarette freshly placed in your mouth, inhaling the smoke and feeling the tiniest amount of tension wash away. 

You lean against your car waiting for him to speak, still not really sure what you're supposed to say. He's the one that needed to defend himself, he's the one who wanted this conversation to happen. 

"Look, I don't know what Dylan told you but I can assure you it was a lie." He starts. He's fidgeting with his fingers, avoiding eye contact. He's lost every ounce of confidence he once had when he's on the other side of the wall passing you a basket of chicken tenders. 

"If you don't know what he said, then how would you know that?" You reply, taking another drag of your cigarette. You're hoping he's being genuine and not just defensive right off the bat, but if someone is lying about you, you'd feel defensive too. Everything is still fuzzy and figuring out this mess is like putting the pieces of a clear puzzle together.

"Because he fucking hates me. He does shit just to piss me off." Eddie shakes his head, pulling his own pack of cigarettes out of his pocket, lighting one between his lush lips. 

"Why would he hate you, Eddie? What did you do?" You don't mean to point blame at him but he had to have done something to make someone hate him to the point of making up a lie to make you ignore him for days.

"When I first started, he thought I was flirting with this girl he had a thing for, and she got a crush on me. She didn't want to hang out with him anymore and he thought I just swooped in and stole her. I didn't even like her like that but since then, he's made it his job to make my life a living hell when he's here. That includes fucking this-" Eddie gestures his hand between the both of you, "-up for me." 

"He told me you're fucking with me." You say, suddenly fixing your eyes on your sneakers. You almost shudder thinking back at the way your heart dropped to your stomach when Dylan first spoke to you. "Said you flirt with the new ones to get into their pants and then move on to the next one." 

Eddie's eyes widen, looking like he's a child being told Santa isn't real. The genuine look of shock is very convincing, and you're close to dropping every allegation from that expression alone. "Jesus Christ. Y/N, I promise that's not what's going on here." 

"How can I know that for sure? I felt like an idiot after he told me that. I was humiliated thinking I fell for some sleazy game you were playing." You're trying not to tear up. You can feel the thickness in your throat as you speak, hoping Eddie doesn't pick up on it. Six months of growing feelings for someone isn't something to fuck around about, and you might have taken this more seriously than it was intended, but when you're in that close of proximity with someone for that long, itching for the other to make a move, it's hard to not be heartbroken when something happens to it. 

"Sweetheart, I flirt with you because I like you. At first, it was just fun and I thought you were cute, but now I have a big, fat, stupid crush on you and I think about you all the time. I don't ask you to hang out with me after work so I can take you to my van and get your clothes off. I ask you to hang out with me because I like the way you make me feel." Eddie responds, making eye contact with you finally, searching your eyes for any trace of doubt. He wants you to know how serious he is. This isn't just a fling for him, much like it never was for you. You had a feeling this could turn into something special, though it goes against everything people tell you about workplace relationships. 

"And what would that feeling be?" You inquire, not breaking the contact between his chocolate pools and your own, finding a boldness in yourself that you didn't know existed. 

"You make me feel like I'm the coolest guy in the world. You laugh at my stupid jokes, you compliment me, you're interested in what I have to say.." He trails off with a fond smile on his face. There's a softness about him that balances out the roughness of his edges, endearing you even further. He reaches out to grab your soft hand with his rough one. "I really fucking like you." 

"I really like you too. I was going to ask you out the night Dylan dropped a bomb on me." You admit, rubbing your thumb over the skin of his hand. 

"That motherfucker." Eddie shakes his head, getting angry all over again at the fact that he finally had his chance and it got ruined for him in an instant. "I'm going to kick his ass." 

You pull your hand out of his and smack him lightly on the chest. "No, you can't get fired! Who will I talk to all day?"

"You've been doing just fine not talking to anyone." Eddie jokes, raising his eyebrows and bringing his cigarette to his lips, inhaling the smoke that seems to make this whole thing easier. After having a sick stomach for hours, he skipped his smoke breaks, partially leading to his angry outburst.

"Yeah and it was miserable! Do you know how much I hated having to go through my shift without hearing you call me sweetheart?" You laugh, a sound Eddie missed, even for just three days. 

He smiles down at you, dazzling as always. You missing him as much as he missed you is actively washing away his worries one by one like a salty body of water washing away a structurally questionable sandcastle. "I won't deprive you anymore." 

"I appreciate that." You grin, taking his hand back into yours. 

"Does that mean you believe me? You can ask anyone, I'm serious. I talk about you all the time. The guys make fun of me for my "heart eyes" the entire time you're here. Ask Adam, Levi, Grant, Brandon-" 

"Okay, okay." You cut off his adorable rambling. "Yes, I believe you."

Eddie breathes a sigh of relief. You can see his shoulders relax, his jaw loosen, and his posture seems straighter. "Good because I mean it. I'm sorry this was such a mess for you. Hopefully I can make up for it?"

"And how do you plan to do that, Munson?" You tease, giving him the flirty look he had been wishing to see from you again. He can't take his eyes off of the way you look at him through your thick lashes. 

He moves closer to you subtly, moving slowly so he can relish in the moment. "Can I start with that date?" 

"You sure can." You say just above a whisper. You're lost in his eyes once again, but this time, it's not just playful. There's a brand new feeling getting introduced here and it blows your mind that it was first kindled in a greasy kitchen. 

As long as Eddie is here, things are easy. You have your flirty boy back and being at work is a little easier again. With Eddie right behind you serving up winks and pet names just as often as he serves up appetizers, going home smelling like beer and deep fried cheese is worth it. 

[putschki1969]

Hi Sarah! Hope you are well! I will be in Japan on January 15th, so i can't lose the incredibile opportunity to go to the concert. I waited for the general lottery hoping that it would be aviable on the international e+ stite, but unfortunatley it seems it is not the case.

I tryed with sos japan but they are not answering me, and with bridge but they told me they are full or requests and so can't help me.

I would appreciate it very much if you can suggest me something to get these tickets. Thank you!

Hello there!

I am so sorry for the late reply. You sent this while I was travelling last week so I didn't notice the new message in my inbox. I am happy to hear that you will be in Japan next January. Of course you'd want to use that opportunity to attend the Kalafina, I totally understand.

However, I am afraid we are already at a point where it's pretty tricky to get tickets.

Ticket sales are scheduled for the following dates: ■Wakana/KEIKO Fan Club Advanced Lottery October 10, 2024, 11:00 - October 20, 23:59 ■Hikaru X (formerly Twitter) Advanced Lottery October 25, 11:00 - November 4, 23:59 ■General Ticket Lottery November 9, 11:00 - November 11, 23:59 ■General Sale November 16, 10:00 -

We have gone through all the ticketing stages and it appears like there are no more tickets left on the e+ general sale. This is actually quite surprising since I didn't expect the concert to be sold out so quickly. The venue is huge and judging from everyone's dismissive reactions on Twitter, I had assumed that not many people were actually planning to attend. Guess the mood on Twitter didn't reflect the high demand of the general public.

From what I could tell, almost everyone who applied for the Wakana/KEIKO fan club ticket lotteries won a ticket so they must have had a lot of tickets available for those. A majority of all fan club members seems to have made use of that preliminary lottery because for the subsequent Hikaru lottery, there were quite a few people who didn't manage to win a ticket. The same applies to the general lottery. I saw several tweets of people being sad that they didn't win anything during that. Unfortunately, the general lottery period was very short so it would have been necessary to contact SOSJapan or a similar service very early in advance to figure out what you needed.

The general sale was over super quickly too so there are currently no official options available.

They might have plans to offer some left-over tickets on the overseas e+ site but they haven't announced anything yet in that regard. Knowing Space Craft, they will totally ignore Kalafina's overseas fanbase so I wouldn't count on that....

I know that a lot of tickets were bought by shady resellers who are now offering them for crazy prices on some random sites but for one, that's illegal so I wouldn't recommend going down that route and two, it would be a real hassle for a foreigner to even get their hands on one of those resold tickets so meh, not the best idea.

Your best bet right now is to ask around in fandom spaces and see if anyone got spare tickets. The good news is that many people applied for more than one ticket (myself included). The bad news is that most of those people will already have found someone to give their extra tickets to (myself included).

I will ask here on this blog and see if anyone can offer a spare ticket to you. If there's no one, you will have to ask around on other sites. You should probably check out the cantaperme forum or a number of different Kalafina Facebook communities and a post on Twitter can't hurt either (although you'll have to tag everything properly so the post reaches a good amount of people).

【Request】 Kalafina Anniversary Ticket

Does anyone still have a spare ticket for the upcoming Kalafina Anniversary Live? If you do, please contact me or @red------moon directly. Thank you!

【Update】 Spare Ticket Found

Great news! @hadi-sama has some spare tickets and is offering them to fellow loyal fans who are still in need of one. Thank you so much for your swift reply! @red------moon, please be sure to contact either me or him ASAP to figure out all the details. Thank you!

[todorokistheories]

Endeavor Is One Of My Favorite Characters

I don't agree with his redemption from a viewer standpoint but heres the thing no one seems to realize.

It's really realistic.

tw: discussion of abuse, toxic masculinity, it's the todorokis what do you expect

I can't count how many middle aged men I've seen realize that what they were told about being a man their entire lives was false. They never learned to mature, sit with their feelings, and all they were left with was this anger they never learned how to control.

Now let me make this clear. I am IN NO WAY defending his actions.

Old, prideful, misogynistic men all bought into this idea of power and authority. They think they're better than everyone else because if they aren't, they have nothing.

Sometimes they wake up, realize that all they've done is hurt people.

These men have a breaking point, some reach it on their deathbed, some find it in themselves to change before their children are born.

Or, for example, Bakugou was taught by the ppl around him that he was what everyone wanted to be.

Difference is... he grew up. Endeavor didn't.

Endeavor had great success in his 20s, a loving wife who was bought specially for him, the public's awe, and his first ever prodigy who was going to be even more special than him. He was in the best position he would ever be in his whole life. He peaked.

That's why All Might's success messed with him so much.

He was at the highest point of his life and career and he STILL wasn't good enough to become number one.

For a man who only has his pride, that's a huge ego crusher. Unlike Bakugou, he never sat with this. He became obsessed, deciding that if he couldn't be the best then he'd train his kids so that they were. That way he was still worth something. Because all of his worth was tied to his success.

It didn't matter what stood in his way, because he had two choices: succeed, or admit to himself that he was a failure.

For men who bought into toxic masculinity, yeah that wasn't an option.

And then his worst failure happened. Touya burned.

He died and suddenly those voices that told Enji that he was a failure grew loud enough for him to lash out at everyone who might even hint that they agree. Unfortunately, Rei was in the forefront of that. Every comment about their children turned into a criticism that his ego couldn't handle. It was a personal attack.

And then his second failure happened. Shouto burned.

Suddenly, the shame was too much to handle. So, he sent away the person who was constantly reminding him of his inadequacies: Rei. He sent her away to never see the light of day again because he couldn't face it.

He locked everything away and threw away the key, shutting down Shouto and choosing to see his son as an object and a means to an end. Because he's special, remember? He's better than everyone. He is worth something because he's special.

Then Touya, who he shoved all of this generational trauma onto, turned out to be alive. Not only is he alive, he's the antithesis of what Enji fought his whole life to be.

Suddenly, he couldn't hide anymore. The whole world knew he was a fraud. He's forced to face the jealousy, the embarrassment, the shame, and the feeling of worthlessness that he ruined his life to run away from in the first place.

His career, gone. Image, gone. Youth, gone. His life is over and all he is left with is the shards of a family he broke years ago.

So he embraces it. He accepts the blame for the first time in his life.

And it changes for the better. He can't undo it. He can't fix what he hurt. And he can't truly repair anything. But he can try and that's worth something even if he's not.

This is something that happens in real life. And no one is expected to forgive these people for the harm they've caused. But understanding it is the first step to not repeating it. So yeah, I fucking hate Endeavor but goddamn he's well written.

Horikoshi wrote something very accurate to the experiences thousands of people have and I appreciate that. It's needed in media. There's many things he's done with the Todoroki family that I do not agree with, but the premise of Endeavor's redemption is one that rings true.

[namleeea]

"always by your side"

Pairing: Mason Mount x Fem!reader

Sumary: Your boyfriend Mason picks you up after your hard workday and comforts you!

Word count: 785

Author's note: I haven't written anything in such a long time...it upset me, but I can't help it...sometimes I'm a lazy snail, sorry. So! here we have...another fluff. What did you expect from me? And I'm a huge hurt/comfort fan yes...hope you enjoy this!

•••

The thin sole of the sneaker allows you to feel every stone under your feet when you go out into the street. Your work day just ended, so you decided to sit outside to clear your head, which looked like it was about to explode. It's been one of the toughest days in the last few weeks and you're mentally and physically exhausted. Legs ache from constant movement, eyes red and tired. You sigh heavily, sit down on a bench near the building of your place of work and take out your phone, almost automatically clicking on a familiar number. You were dying to talk to him.

“Hi babe. How are you?” Your favorite voice is heard on the phone. Mason was smiling. Obviously, he was in a good mood. At some point, you even managed to regret that you called, because you didn't want to spoil his mood.

“Hey” Your hoarse exhausted voice alerted your boyfriend. “Something happened?”

“I'm just...a little tired. It was a hard day, so much work” You tried to grin so your voice wouldn't sound so upset, but it didn't work out well.

“Y/n baby, do you want me to pick you up from work today?” A lump stood in your throat, you almost cried from impotence. You buried your head in your knees and smiled brokenly before answering Mason.

“I’m sorry. I would really like to say no so as not to burden you, but I'm really so tired and I wanna see you so much Mase”

“It's alright, love, you have nothing to apologize for. Have you finished yet?”

“Yes, I'm going to change now”

“Ok, I just finished too, so I'm getting in the car and I'll be there soon”

“Mase”

“Yea babe?”

“I love you” You whispered as if it were the most intimate thing in the world. His immediate response made you smile despite your exhaustion and drooping mood. “And I love you too, Y/n. I’ll be there soon!”

Mason drives up in 20 minutes, and when you get out and see his car in the parking lot, your whole body relaxes, as if throwing huge stones from your shoulders. He gets out to meet you and you fall into his arms, inhaling his scent.

"Hey, love" He kisses your temple and giggles when you poke your face into his chest. "I missed you so much Mase" You whispered.

"That's why I'm here, love. And I missed you too. So much" He fixing your hair, while talking. You never cease to wonder how he manages to put so much tenderness into every gesture towards you. And you loved it in him so much. "Are you feeling better?"

"Not really. Today was total chaos. Everyone ran back and forth, shouting at each other. I know it's stressful for everyone, because we're running out of time, but I'm just tired" You felt your eyes fill with tears again, and your voice trembled. "I don’t know, my head is such a mess right now, my thoughts are confused, I don’t even understand what I’m saying now" You tried to cover your face with your hands, but Mason intercepted them to look into your eyes.

"Hey, baby, listen to me" He gently took your face in his hands. "Y/n you're doing great. Really. You did so much work, I saw it everyday, i saw your passion, your attempts. And I'm so proud of you, love. The strongest woman I've ever known" He said with bright smile, and you smiled back. His sincere words meant so much to you, that's why you were so touched and couldn't hold back your tears.

"Thank you. Do you know how much I needed to hear that?" Mason helps you slowly wipe the tears from your cheeks.

"I'm always there to remind you how wonderful you are" He kisses you deeply and tenderly and you can swear that you feel love in every cell of your body. "Let's go home yeah?" You nod and sit in the front seat, immediately noticing a cup from your favorite coffee shop. "Mase, what is this?"

"Ice raf with salt caramel for my special one" He passes the cup to you and with a big smile you take it from his hands, taking a long sip.

"Thank yooouu"

"I see you feel much better now, huh?"

"Yes, and it's all thanks to you"

"I love you, baby. And I'm always here for you" He kisses your hand and you finally melt. All the negativity after a terrible and difficult working day is left behind, now there is only you, Mason and your remaining wonderful evening, which you'll spend in each other's hugs.

"So...home?"

"Yes, let's go home, Mase"

[jokeroutsubs]

Nace Jordan for Slovenian online journal Aleteia

From performing at Ritem srca (Rhythm of the Heart) to Eurovision: "I value honesty the most"

03.06.2023

Interview with Nace Jordan, bassist of Joker Out

"Thank you, don't count on us..." This is a segment of their currently hottest song Carpe diem, taken out of context. Two weeks ago at Eurovision we were counting on them quite a lot. Despite finishing 21st they did not let us down, as we got to witness an energetic, playful and colourful musical delicacy.

We are glad you managed to take some time for Aleteia during the exciting post-Eurovision events. The youngest member of Joker Out according to length of service, and the wisest according to age, the likeable bassist Nace Jordan.

Congratulations for your wonderful Eurovision performance. Have you gone deaf due to the crowds that have excitedly welcomed you yet?

(laughter) We haven't gone deaf, but the reactions were very nice. We heard that people in Slovenia were watching and loudly cheering for us, especially during the semi-finals performance. All of this is very 'extra'.

Did anything disappoint you in Liverpool?

I can't say we were disappointed about anything. Maybe I would mention that they were promising us 'crazy' parties, which take place during Eurovision. They were great, but not as special as we were promised.

How long has it taken for the adrenaline to calm down after Eurovision?

Personally, I have not yet managed to recover from it all. All together it was very mentally and physically exhausting, but because of our love for music, we managed to pull through.

When coming home, was it difficult to switch from a huge event, where everything is about you, and come into a familiar, calm environment and simply go to the store?

We are lucky enough that since coming home from Great Britain, we have had so many things happen that we haven't yet had any time to lead a normal life, even to go to the store to buy something.

Currently we are positioned on various European charts. (Author's note: On the day of the interview (interview posted 03/06/2023) the group is fourth on the Spotify Global Viral chart; the only fellow Eurovision contestants above them are Finnish representative Käärijä and Swedish representative Loreen. Overall they have surpassed the 1,500,000 monthly listeners on Spotify. Source: evrovizija.com.)

Marvelous!

All of this feels unreal and nice and it gives us a lot of energy. In addition, many are beckoning us to concerts abroad. The dreams of each musician are to once spread from the narrow area of Ex-Yugoslavia to the markets all across Europe. We decided that we will risk it, since the people want to hear us. We announced a concert in Dublin which we will perform with our Irish Eurovision friends. Let me say that the concert was sold out in 20 minutes. These are truly 'insane' numbers, which are not letting us catch our breaths after Liverpool.

The excitement of the crowds does not surprise us. When and how did the members of the group even meet?

Bojan Cvjetićanin and Kris Guštin met at a performance in secondary school, where Kris was the reporter of the school newspaper. After a while, Bojan invited Kris and Jan Peteh into the band. After a while Jure Maček joined, and last year myself as well.

You came into the band last, yet it seems as though you've been with the boys since their beginnings in 2016.

That's right.

Nace, we have already managed to observe you well on stage. We see that you're all smiles, brave and energetic. How would you describe yourself?

Really? (laughter) I would describe myself as silent and smiley. Due to me being the oldest member of the band (Author's note: Nace is 28, the ages of the other members vary between 23 and 24), I have noticed that I have a different view of things than the other members of the band.

So the age gap is noticeable?

I think so.

In short, describe the other members of the band.

Bojan is intuitive, Maček playful, Guštin serious. And I can't describe Jan in any other way than saying that he is a pure artist.

Do you have other occupations, not connected to music?

I can speak for the entire band when I say that no one does anything besides music. Well, Bojan may occasionally appear in a commercial or two. (laughter)

What is the atmosphere among you? Do you trust and help each other?

No doubt, without it we couldn't have handled the pressure of Eurovision. Everything was easier because there were five of us. If someone was feeling down, the others noticed right away and gave him some space. Or offered him to talk - whatever he needed in that moment.

I liked it how you said at the press conference in Liverpool that you wouldn't consume alcohol before the performance. I have also noticed that you know how to express yourself in interviews. And we can't forget the fact that you sang in Slovene at Eurovision. Do you think it's important to maintain our language?

The fact that we sang in Slovene at Eurovision should say it all. We love Slovene and we find it the most appropriate for expressing ourselves, both in songs and conversation.

In the song Carpe diem, among other things, you sing about how you are against hate. How do you, as Nace Jordan, take steps toward a kinder society?

Let me correct that the song itself is not only against hatred, but it also talks about how we have to seize each day and look at the bright side. We ourselves are the only ones who have control over the fact that we wake up in the morning and make the best of the day. Personally, I make a person's day by smiling at them and consequently giving them a good feeling.

During your concerts, unexpected things are bound to happen. Would you let us in on any such event?

Not everything is of public nature. But I can mention that recently we had a concert in Umag. It took us a very long time to find the entrance to the concert hall. Luckily, we managed to find it right before the concert. We were really close to missing our own performance. (laughter)

Nace, Joker Out is not the first band in which you played. In the past you have collaborated with many Slovene performers, you are a member of Diamanti ('Diamonds' - the RTV house band) who take care of the musical accompaniment for the show 'V petek zvečer' ('On Friday Evening' - a show on Slovene national TV).

I don't know how much longer, sadly time is tight.

Your friends mention that you're a real-life 'jukebox', as you still remember the melodies of all the 200 songs that you performed during your times on the cruise ship.

That's true.

How was it, playing on a large ship away from shore?

When others went to study, I went to play on the ship. At that moment I chose to dedicate my life to music. This was one of the nicest and best decisions I've ever made. The half year spent on the cruise ship shaped me into the musician I am today. Living on a ship with so many people was a real school of interpersonal relations.

Was the music you performed always according to your taste?

Of course not, amongst the less favoured were for example German hit songs. (laughter)

I can't not mention that you were a member of the accompanying band at 'Ritem srca' ('Rhythm of the Heart' - festival of modern Christian music) and at the concert of 'Radio Ognjišče' ('Radio Fireplace' - a Christian Catholic radio in Slovenia). What is your memory of that experience?

I was looking forward to performing at Ritem srca this year as well. But sadly we had concerts and practice with Joker Out, so it wasn't possible. Ritem srca is one of the more pleasant festivals in Slovenia and I do not have a single bad experience with it. All participants were not only kind but also in good spirits and energetic. That is exactly what the world needs, it's 'carpe diem' in principle.

Who is the best performer of spiritual rhythmic music according to you?

I can mention Matej Šoklič, who I know personally. And Franci Rotar. Franci is a real 'character'. Every time I meet him he brightens and improves my day.

Speaking of spiritual music... Have you had to give up something that did not align with your personal beliefs during your musical career?

I avoid politics.

At the moment, Joker Out are a role model for many youths. What do you admire in a person?

It may sound cliché, but I appreciate honesty the most, both a frank critique and praise. With time I forget that I'm good at something, so it feels really nice when someone reminds me of it.

~

Translation cr.: @beeoftheanxieties

[melonteee]

sometimes in your vid essays when you briefly diverge into the topic of powerscaling and such I find it hilarious in regards to One Piece specifically because that series is so allergic to that kind of discussion. like as someone who's well-versed in regards to How Powerscaling Works, OP straight up does not give numbers the way other series do and if you go to any powerscaling type wiki/website their OP pages are in fact just born from a million assumptions. One Piece will have a dude say "Im Big Dick McGee" and do one insanely cool thing that has everyone freaking out and powerscalers will be pulling their hair out because *they can't quantify that shit* and have to make a million assumptions as to how strong OP characters really are.

And i feel like Oda has the same mindset because he introduced the doriki system as an actual Power Scale System in water seven and then threw it the hell away mid arc with no reference to it ever again and YET because it's the single point of actual in-series power measuring youll find forums today still using it to make 15 more follow-up assumptions for characters in the current canon. no one can handle the silly goofines of this whole thing and thats not even counting how OP powerlevel discussions become lore discussions too bc how are they going to account for everyone being superhuman due to their planet being far more massive and thus having stronger gravity.

its so hilarious no other shonen could ever resist not introducing a consistent powerscaling system for 2+ decades

EXACTLY DFGHJKDF this is why I've been SAYING you can call One Piece a battle shonen all you want, because there ARE battles in it, but Oda so CLEARLY puts narrative over ANY sort of power system. Every time someone asks Oda any battle relevant question, he always answers with some bullshit JHKFGD like "how far can Luffy stretch?? oh about 20 gum gums" LIKE HHHH he so clearly DOESN'T care to stick to any strict power system. I mean the most recent huge fight was a TOM AND JERRY inspired fight for god's sake, Gear 5 throws any and all power scaling conversations out the window for all we know Gear 5 can do fucking ANYTHING.

I've literally seen One Piece guys and Dragonball guys fighting about whether Gear 5 could beat Goku, and it's like, mother fucker for all we know Gear 5 could just bugs bunny a kamehameha back at him JDFHGKD like we literally do not know the scale of Gear 5. Hell we don't know the scale of MOST characters in One Piece. I was SO confused as to why the term 'admiral level' was a thing cause we've barely seen the admirals...do anything?? Like yeah Akainu can turn into magma and whatever, but what else??? Why is this term even a thing if we haven't even seen the scale of what any of these guys can do JKFGDFGD I will admit I have a much more plot/narrative driven head but I truly cannot understand how One Piece power scalers get any of their arguments or data hhhhhh

[drdemonprince]

For the kink thing. As an Autistic person, I was restrained sometimes in elementary school, possibly early middle school because I was forced to put up with the classroom environment for the convenience of the school systems I've been in instead of being allowed to just go outside and not put up with people inside. It's hilarious to me that people try to defend restraining above all else instead of as like, a last resort in genuine emergencies where a kid could hurt another, because I ended up developing kink and fetishes around it that I've still got in my late 20s. Could you imagine the pandemonium over restraint defenders having to contend with defending the sexual side of restraint. Where there's adults giving kids all sorts of sexual fantasies and urges just so they can write on a sheet of paper about who threw tea into what harbor as a precursor to a revolutionary war? Especially when there's alternatives like just letting the kid read the textbook alone outside or something? Sorry if mentioning this interaction between adults and kids is uncomfortable but that's literally what happened to me. I honestly have no idea if that restraint can be defined as csa or if what happened to me counts as that, maybe that got normalized for me. You're a mental health expert you'd probably know.

Thank you so much for sharing about this anon. Before I respond let me clarify that I'm not the mental health expert, I'm a dude with a research PhD who's been in enough academic psychological spaces to recognize that most of what gets passed around as knowledge in our field are just pre-existing cultural biases with fancy scientific terms slapped on top of them.

What you experienced was abuse and coercion, and whether we deem that as sexual or not doesn't necessarily make a difference in terms of how bad and violating that it is. We also can't know for sure whether your kink came from this abuse, but that doesn't change the wrongness of the abuse or of how violating it must feel to enjoy sex that always harkens back to your abuse. You had a traumatic experience that has lingering effects, including being reminded of your abuse during sex, and that tells us all we need to know -- that you were hugely violated and that the violation lingers and affects how safe you feel in your body especially during sex.

Talking about the origins of fetishes is always tricky and fraught, some people in the kink world find that conversation endlessly fascinating, and others reject the importance of it entirely, but I think regardless of where one stands on that issue, it is useful for abuse survivors to be able to talk about how they have eroticized their mistreatment and the complex messy feelings that they have about that. not everyone gets a fetish from abuse, but for those of us who do experience a linkage, talking about it feels really important.

And when it comes to that dynamic, you certainly are not alone. I tend to think that much of my fetish for psychological coercion and mind control is strongly linked to growing up in an emotionally and psychologically repressive environment. Being expected to not only behave but to think and feel in a very narrow range of acceptable ways did a real number on me. as did being (forgive the term) groomed to serve as my parents' sole emotional companion and confidant. i didnt under go official ABA but i was conditioned to comply. and my body, the tricky little fucker that it is, has coped with that history by eroticizing it.

I'm actually really grateful to my body for having made lemonade out of this lemon. I could feel ashamed that my early experiences 'broke' me into only finding controlling and manipulative interactions arousing. and I could meet this need in an indirect, internally conflicted way, say by only dating people who actually are abusive because they're the only ones who really get me fired up enough to sexually respond. And I did do that, until my mid twenties. and it was very damaging to me, but not because what i desired sexually was bad. but because i was ashamed and i wasn't treating myself with respect, and those things are bad.

What works far better for me is being open about my fantasies and finding consenting adults with whom to play them out, and to educate myself on how to go about fulfilling them in a safer way. Or I can at least inform myself of the risks and the rewards and make reasoned decisions about them. that's good too.

That's all a long aside though. let's talk about you. I fucking hate that our educational system prizes compliance above learning. You're absolutely right, you could have just read a book about class subjects out in the grass far away from anybody and it's awful that instead you were locked into an overwhelming room and then physically restrained when you couldn't cope with it.

That kind of shit can really fray a person's relationship to their body and their notions of consent and that DOES affect their sexual relationships no matter what. ABA therapy grooms kids for being abused and for staying silent when they are sexually assaulted.

it can be a wonderful thing that your body coped with that lemon by making you the lemonade of a restraint kink, if you want it to be. But you're not any less enlightened or healed or whatever if you don't want to engage with that or if it's too triggering to. It makes sense that recognizing that your sexuality is linked to your abuse makes you feel gross and weird.

For me, what works is engaging with the kinks that scratch that powerful itch, and then engaging in aftercare, and not bothering myself with ideas about my fantasies making me broken or being ashamed of them or what have you. But from where you're sitting, you obviously have every right to be angry that perhaps your abuse was what saddled you with this kink, and that regardless of whereever the kink came from, your abuse means that enjoying the kind of sex you like is also linked to something horrible that happened to you.

I wish that we could have real, open conversations about this with the child restraint defenders and the child abuse apologists and every supporter of ABA. I would love to see their skin crawl with the realization that the abuse they put children through is so harrowing and world-shifting that some kids brains have to erect entire psychosexual defenses around them in order to cope. i get why you want to really throw that in their faces and make them feel as horrified as they always deserve to feel about advocating for this stuff.

But their reaction of horror would come with the implication that having a kink or a fetish is some kind of pathology, and obviously that's not an idea we buy into around here. it's not good for any queer people or disabled people to really make that claim. And in reality, the people you might want to share that information with, in a spirit of righteous indignation, would not actually be moved or persuaded by it. because they never cared about intellectual consistency or the consent of kids ever in the first place.

thanks again for the message, I'm sure it will bring a lot of self recognition to more people than you'll even realize.

[bwobgames]

Previous First

"Coffee, finally"

"Man, I can't believe it's over"

"That's understandable, we basically spent the whole night on panic mode"

"I know! And now we are supposed to go back and worry about normal stuff?

This is like when I was a kid and thought quicksand would be a big problem in my day to day life

What do you mean I don't have to think about time resetting maniacs anymore??"

"I mean, who would believe it?"

"That's true.

All of us are going to trauma bond so much"

"I can see that.

I'm glad we got friends out of it, at least.

That's how difficult it is to make friends as an adult, you need at least one stabbing for a dnd group"

"Been there, been there"

The house explodes again, the bomb squad is waiting on firefighters and the police.

The body was found and covered

They all agreed it was an attempted mass murder gone wrong

"... So, how do you feel?"

"Like a very used rope that will snap at the lightest weight"

"I feel like my skin is not as resistant as it used to be, like whatever happened took parts of me that I'll never get back"

"...Yeah, I understand"

"Not to be pessimistic, but part of me feels like I will never leave this place

Even though it's destroyed, even if they tear it down and build a starbucks on top

I think I'll still be here

A ghost of me"

Oliver Beebo recently started believing in ghosts

The supernatural and psychological type

"My dreams are going to get so weird now"

"Hey, I told you, didn't I? I have great contacts in the mental health department"

"Is that why you're so put together still?"

"I am nowhere near put together, I'm just great at acting like I do"

"I think someone called it masking?"

"Comes with the job"

"I'm sure"

Marigold approaches

"Hello! I wanted you two to know that we will take care of everything legal, but we do need you to testify, so if I could have your numbers for further contact?"

"Oh, of course"

"Also, the now renamed family Iraola cordially invites you to any and all holidays and game nights"

"Oh, nice! Does this involve card games?"

"If you ask Owen, he will immediately challenge you to some kind of battle on his multiple card game sets"

"I will bring only my best for such opponent"

"Uh, miss Marigold Iraola?"

"Yes?"

"When should we concrete the legal agreement to pass you the company?"

".... What?"

"You are the one who should have it. It's only fair"

He gives Oliver a look

"... really? But you used so much money!"

"Well, I wouldn't mind a, let's say, monetary compensation for my efforts both here and there"

"I don't think 'efforts' is the right word for your work at the company, Nadia would throttle you for saying that"

"Did it go broke."

"Uh. I don't know"

"...Alright, that's fine. I'll fix it and get you two with psychological compensation, medical compensation, and, well, compensation for the detective work"

"I have been in worse situations and been paid 20 dollars. This is the best thing that could happen to my wallet"

They interchange phone numbers and are put on the "Clock haters" groupchat

Vivi immediately floods his phone with cat memes

He answers with a thumbs up emoji

"... I feel like I should do something"

"It better not be stand up. Your ankle is lumpy and weird"

"No, no. I mean...

When I was at the other house, I promised to let a bit of beard grow, to, yknow, commemorate my survival, I guess.

Maybe I should let my hair grow? Would it look to unkept?"

"If you let someone else cut it, then you could look fine"

"But my money"

"I'll get it for you, im curious too.

Although, now we have these huge gashes on our faces, doesn't that count?"

"No, They weren't made intentionally.

...Maybe a tattoo?"

"Oh yeah! That's a good idea! I'll take you to my usual parlor"

"You have tattoos?"

"Yeah, but it's too cold to show you right now"

"Where will you go after this, by the way. Back to the capital?"

"No, I'm going to be too tired in the way there, I'll just stay the night at my hotel"

"Oh... well... y'know..."

"I don't live that far, well, I live in the region center, but that's way closer to here than the capital so, uh..."

"You could, you know, stay over if you want"

"... And do what?"

"Uh, do you like boardgames?"

"I supposed so"

"I really doubt we would have the energy to do anything else more, um, physically taxing"

"That's fair. I'll crash at your place then.

We could go sightseeing after, or just play video games inside"

"Yeah, and cook a nice breakfast, get some groceries maybe"

"Go to a park, get ice cream, play with your cat...

It would be nice, I'd like that.

A life like that"

"Ah, but I'm taking you to my apartment as well. You will meet the real city life, Coast Boy. "

"Oh, you city people with your underground trains and expensive international snacks"

"Haha, just the best for the capital!"

Silence hangs over them

"... I'm still scared"

"Of the future?"

"Yeah.

Will it ever go away?"

"... I don't know, I'll help you though.

I'll get you a planner. You can be like those instagram girls with a very strict planner"

"... Yeah, I guess.

Sorry, my mood is all over the place"

"I don't blame you"

"I mean, I don't even know what am I going to do after this. I'm basically out of a job"

"Well, what are your options?"

"I could go back to crime. Maybe hacking or something with medicaments, that could be fun."

"No, I'll get you"

"I know, but you'll do it lovingly"

"I guess I could go back to do something security related. It's boring, though."

"I heard my local chuck e cheese is hiring security guards"

"I am not applying as a night security guard in a building with animatronics."

"That's oddly specific"

"I still could be your detective assistant, I can use Excel, you know"

"You overestimate how much I'm paid"

"Or I could be literally anything else, but for now, I'll be on vacation"

"Yeah, me too"

"I'm thinking of taking cases of more haunted houses"

"... Are you out of your mind"

"I know how to stop them, and I wouldn't be going blind like these last two. I could even find a way to do it without entering them"

"Please stop risking your life. The detective life is already dangerous enough"

"I'm the house killer, the home terror"

"Sure, sure

Maybe I should be your bodyguard"

"Again, you overestimate how much I can afford"

They drink their drinks in silence

They can't help but feel slight sadness at it all

But time doesn't stop

"Ángel! Ángel look!"

"Huh?"

"The light, the sunrise is starting!"

It is 8:00 am

The sun is coming out

A cold breeze passes through them

The chatter of everyone quiets down

The sun is back

A new day has started

It always will

A collective melancholy passes through all of them

The eternal night is over

What now?

The future is waiting

They are alive

They will live another day

As many as they can

"We'll be alright

Not all of the time, but we will.

I'm going back home, finally

I've lost so much

And gained as well

I'm full of conflicting feelings that my subconscious will have a blast using

I'm scared too

But I'll be brave

Just to see another sunrise like this

With people that I love

We'll be alright

The future is full of chances"

A new day is born

And they watch it together

Hand in hand.

Thanks for playing

[x-angel-dust-x]

I'm bored🤗

1. which eating disorder(s) do you have? Anorexia Binge/Purge Subtype, that turned into fullblown bulimia the last year or two.

2. when did you develop your eating disorder? When I was 11, summer before 6th grade. I realized I accidentally lost weight and got taller, making me lose my childish pudge and look decent. Went on a diet with my mom and got into her diet books, never looked back.


3. are you currently in recovery? Not anymore.


4. honestly, do you want to recover? Yes and no. I just want to be beautiful. I'll do whatever it takes. If that's a healthy weight, I'll deal with the number, but currently it doesn't look like it's swinging that way.


5. how are you doing today? My college canceled class because of the snow!


6. 5 safe foods? Green peppers, carrots, salad, popcorn, popsicles.


7. 5 fear foods? Pizza, pastries, chocolate, cheese, chips


8. do you count calories? I stopped for a bit but I'm back on it


9. what is your max calorie limit? 500 cal. 1000 if I'm having dinner with roommates but only 2x a week.


10. what is your height? 172 cm/,5'8"


11. what is your ultimate goal weight? 119lb, or 129 if Im working out a lot. I don't want to lose my muscle tone. I like being strong af.


12. are you trying to lose weight? Extremely


13. have you ever been called “fat”? Yes


14. have you ever been called “too thin”? Yes and it's amazing


15. what is your current goal weight? 129lb/119lb


16. what was your highest weight? 237.5lb


17. what was your lowest weight? 134lb


18. do you wish you were back at your lowest weight? YES.


19. does your family know about your eating disorder? Yes but I look healthy right now so they aren't worried

20. do your friends know about your eating disorder? My roommate does but no one else


21. do you wish you didn’t have an eating disorder? Of course I do. But it makes for a great distraction from other trauma.


22. have any “free foods”? Veggies like carrots, green peppers, cucumbers I don't calorie count if I have them plain. I don't count olive oil and avocados either since they're good fats and I don't want to scare myself away from eating them.


23. how often do you weigh yourself? About twice a day, morning and night.


24. thinspo or bonespo? Sometimes I have trouble telling the difference but usually Thinspo I think


25. biggest problem area on your body? My calves and face. They're HUGE.


26. favourite part of your body? My veiny hands, my tummy, my butt, my collarbones


27. what kind of results do you want to see? I want a thigh gap so badly, skinny arms that show my muscle, narrow face, tiny waist, easy to fit in an extra small with no squeezing, size 28 jeans and 2 in women's, the validation of judgement, etc.


28. do you purge? Not every day but I do.


29. do you take laxatives? No but I've considered it


30. how often do you purge? Every few days when I binge


31. do you binge? Like a starving man

.
32. how long have you fasted for? A week or two. But I was on drugs to be fair.


33. who’s your biggest thinspiration? Winona Rider in Girl Interupted. This hot butch girl on tiktok.

.
34. favourite eating disorder movie/show/documentary? Starving in Suburbia


35. favourite thinspo picture? The one that's my background photo.


36. can you post a photo of yourself/your body?


37. how does your eating disorder affect your life? I hate socializing and won't have sex


38. what is your BMI? It's like 24 right now 💀


39. do you follow a diet? The A.I.T Diet (Ana in Training)


40. least favourite part about your eating disorder? My massive fluctuation in weight makes me feel out of control. I can't enjoy normal things whether I eat them or not.


41. has your eating disorder ruined any relationships? no, I don't date


42. do you have a “guilty pleasure” food? Chocolate and fast food, I have to keep away from it


43. meanspo or sweetspo? Sweetspo, meanspo just makes me binge and hate myself. Taking care of myself and doing self care makes me want to be healthy.


44. does anyone else in your life have an eating disorder? A girl in my class and my mom


45. ever been inpatient? Every day of my life


46. ever been outpatient? No


47. ever been in residential care? No


48. ever been in a psych ward? Yes


49. are you currently in therapy? No


50. what did you eat today? Binged on Pizza, then stopped and had some popcorn and veggies with dip as a midnight snack


51. are you scared about the holidays? No, it's February and nobody cares about me lol


52. are your family/friends supportive? They literally don't care lol


53. have any other mental illnesses? Massive PTSD is my worst diagnosis, then bipolar 2, then generalized anxiety disorder.


54. looking for ana buddies? YES PLEASE but only long term anas who've lost weight, no beginners pls


55. what is your current weight? 155 lb

[insipid-drivel]

This is why we shouldn't use night vision CCTV in the swamp

As is probably well established by now, I live in a swamp that's in the same region as a lot of Bigfoot sightings. I've grown up in this wilderness my whole life, seen and experienced a whole lot of weird crap that is filed away in the "Hey, don't worry about it," part of my brain with the rest of The Horrors.

My mom also did most of her growing up here, but more in the woodlands and plural spaces around housing developments and cities. Basically, where you're more likely to encounter a homeless person or a pigeon in the underbrush than a cryptid or some cool wildlife.

I grew up so deep in these forests and swamps I stay the hell inside after dark and live in blissful ignorance of what goes on outside my bedroom window every night. Some shit I've seen looking in at me. Sometimes it's animals (which was how I found out a storm had knocked over our neighbor's horse fence one night - I suddenly had a Welsh pony pull up to my bedroom window like it was a Wendy's) - sometimes it's just eyes in the shadows that may or may not speak, who cares? Definitely not my little brother's girlfriend who confirmed she sees them too whenever she's here and goes out after dark for a cigarette and runs inside panicked every time they appear. Let's not dwell on it. Moving on.

My mom decided, after becoming thrilled with the huge amount of bird and squirrel traffic I get with my small seed-and-pollinator garden outside of my bedroom window, to set up a motion-activated night vision camera pointed at my feeders to see what may visit in the dark.

Fully-bragging here, but I pretty much have every single species of native bird (and a couple of fucking starlings) that isn't a raptor visit my garden every day. Yesterday I completed my Pokedex when a family of quail came visiting. It's not weird for there to be 15-20+ birds in my garden at once with at least 5 or more individual unique species eating and (mostly) getting along (which some of us could learn from by example, starlings).

I made the tactical decision to bite my tongue about the camera, because this morning, I found I actually wanted to see some of the footage.

Everything was fine when I woke up this morning; my feeders were still rapidly being depleted of birdseed I spend too much of my disability checks on so I can delight my cat and feel like I'm taking care of some of my local wildlife. I use a small trough that I fill will feed for squirrels and the occasional deer that usually takes a couple of days for the locals to empty.

This morning, after having just ROUNDED OFF the ground-trough-feeder with a fresh supply of food the day before, I found the trough completely clean and empty, and dragged several feet away from where I usually leave it. So I asked my mom if she'd review the camera footage, figuring it was probably the same derpy yearling buck with slightly wonky baby-antlers that I've seen eating out of it before.

Nope.

Just a mom with kids to feed. My mom was appalled at the number of them (one of the ways I know she's still domesticated), but I quietly approved and told her that it was probably a mother raccoon and her adolescent babies. I've seen raccoons raising up to 5 kits at a time in places where food is plentiful and the predator count is relatively low. I let my mom know it's totally fine; that the ground feeder is there to feed the nocturnal as well as the diurnal.

The morning quiets down for a few minutes, and I get ready to snooze to the birdsong outside. My mom is still on her phone, half-birdwatching at the foot of my bed, half-scrolling through clips of footage from the rest of that night (which usually is just moths and a stray cat or two setting the camera off), and that's when I heard what I like to wearily call the "There's A Cryptid On My CCTV Gasp".

Look. If you set up cameras in a place like this, you're GOING to see weird shit you can't explain. Part of why I like living out here is because only other people that understand this also live out here. My neighbors and I are all out of our fucking minds, but that's why The Swamp embraces us. If you don't have the psychiatric diagnostic equivalent of a ghost pepper in your brain, you probably won't do well out here. The Swamp is nature's Void: If you gaze long into it, it will gaze back into you. My System of alter personalities smile like idiots and wave into the Void while some of them full-on make out in front of the Void with reckless abandon.

My mom just stammers at first, and and then is like, "I... don't know what that is? It looks like a cat? But I've NEVER seen a cat that big..." Ironically ignoring my cat, who I rescued as a tiny "standard size" kitten from a shelter and found out the hard way that she's actually very much a Maine Coon.

My mom, shaken, shows me the best still she could get from the clip the camera took of The Creature:

She's pale, and visibly unnerved as she brings me her phone with the actual clip of this animal in it. Of course the footage is shittier than when we just had raccoons out there. Didn't you read what I just wrote? The Swamp will not abide your attempts to spoil its fuckery.

But I nevertheless watched this 2-3 second clip of this animal walking by the ground feeder. It's about the size of a medium dog, has no tail, and walks with a very feline gait. My mom is practically freaking out at this point, her voice actually trembling when she keeps asking me "What do you think it is?"

There's a long, heavy silence as I replay the clip a couple more times, just watching this thing move and confirming that, indeed, it's too big to be a domestic cat, but too small to be a mountain lion, and has no discernible tail.

"Mother, it's a bobcat."

"That can't be!"

>therewere5raccoonsthereandit'sabobcatgoodlordmom.mp4

So I pulled up a google search and showed her:

"Oh."