#2.) I’ve been waiting to make this jokes for ACTUAL MONTHS

[lottaham]

His weed? I roll that. His heart? I hold that. His back? I got that. His spouse? I am that. My role? I play that. We're happy? They hate that.

[sofiawritesstuff]

Platonic

part 3

summary: When Lando's "playboy" image is setting a bad reputation for him. He's turns to the person he trust most in this world for help.

pairing: landonorris x bestfriend!reader

warnings: none (i don't think)

part 2

It wasn’t uncommon for you to be late to plans, actually you had gotten used to it spending most of your time with Lando.

You ran through the paddock, running past as much people as you could without being rude and within two minutes you had finally reached the meeting point.

Slowing down to a fast walk you came out onto the terrace in hospitality, noticing the girls straight away as they waved you over.

“Well we’ve only been waiting ten minutes, I think that’s a new record time” Kika jokes as you sit at the table “Sorry, I was watching Lando in media, he’s just finishing up in the garage now and then filming stuff with Oscar”

“How is Lando?” Carmen asks “I seen his interview after free practice this morning”

“I tried talking to him about it but he really didn’t want to. I’m going to try when we get home”

“It’s sad that he just sees all these negative this about himself” Alex smiles sympathetically across the table

“I know, every time I tell him he just doesn’t see what I see” you sigh, running your fingers through your hair

“What’s wrong?” Carmen asks “Nothing” you shake your head “We can tell by the look on your face something is wrong, come on tell us” she encourages, putting a hand on your shoulder

“If I tell you something, can you promise that it stays between us. Like you can’t tell Charles, George or Pierre” you whisper looking around you

“We promise, what’s going on?” Kika asks leaning closer

“A few days ago, Lando came to me. He told me that recently McLaren have been told that Lando’s image outside of Formula One makes the team look really bad, Zak said that he needs to fix his “playboy” image. So they wanted Lando to go into a PR relationship, Lando refused and Zak told him that he needs to for the team. Every single girl they showed Lando he said no. So Zak told him that if by a miracle, he can find someone that is willing to help Lando and be in a relationship for a few months then that’s who he can’t fake a relationship with”

“So Lando came to you” Alex nods understanding “You’re basically already dating, it shouldn’t be too hard” Kika jokes

“It wouldn’t be hard if I didn’t have actual feelings for Lando”

The girls look at you with wide eyes, they never thought they would see the day where you actually admit it.

“When did you come to this realisation?” Carmen asks

“You know how I used to date that guy from my office?”

“The one that none of us liked? Yeah I remember” Kika laughs

“Well after we broke up, Lando was comforting me, we were lying in his bed watching a movie. It wasn’t until I woke up in the middle of the night and we were cuddling that I realised how safe I felt when I was with him and everything he did to comfort me. David wouldn’t have known any of that stuff”

“You need to tell him” Kika says excitedly “I can’t”

“Why not?” Alex asks

“Because if I tell him now, it wouldn’t be fair. I’ve w him so many times and now to switch up my feelings would be like playing with his”

“Have you ever thought that maybe you have always felt this way but you’re just now realising it? I mean you guys have been friends since you were like five?” Carmen asks “You know how he feels about you, so why don’t you just tell him?”

“I can’t bring myself to do it, if it didn’t work out I can’t risk losing what i already have with Lando. He means too much to me to loose him”

“So you think being in a PR relationship will fix that?” Kika asks seriously

“It will be the closest thing that I get to a relationship with him, guys I need honest opinions on this”

“Well I think you’re being stupid” Kika says bluntly “Kika!” Carmen scoffs “What? Would you me be honest or would you rather I lie to you? she asks turning her attention to you

“Honest”

“Well it’s a stupid decision if you want to continue with a PR relationship. You think that admitting your feelings and being in an actual relationship would go wrong. Doing this only to have a feeling on what could be will only give you the chance to make up stuff that could go wrong, whereas if you were in an actual relationship with him you could progress rather than having a countdown to when it’s over”

“I agree with Kika” Alex smiles taking your hand “You are thinking that it could be the worst thing when it could be the best”

“Thank guys, now enough about me. What’s been happening with you guys?”

“So how was meeting up with the girls?” Lando asks with a smile, swinging your hands back and forth as you walked

“We talked. A lot” you nod “Anything interesting?” he pries “Just how we can resolve problems” you shrug

“Any problems I could help with?”

“Nothing that we both can’t resolve” you smiles “Now tell me what you film today” you jump up and down excitedly “Nope, nuh uh. You’ll need to find out like everyone else” he laughs stopping in his tracks

“Come on I hate when you do this” you groan turning to face him “Yeah well that’s why I do it” he smiles, putting his hands under your shirt “Your hands are cold”

“Exactly” he laughs, tickling you “No! No!” you squeal trying to run away “I don’t know where you’re trying running to, I have the keys to the apartment”

“Im going home to England!”

“No you’re not!” he laughs picking you up and throwing over his shoulder “You’re never leaving me” he says calming walking with you over his shoulder

“I wouldn’t dream of it”

part 4

TAGS

@harrysdimple05 @ironmaiden1313

[fqlling4it]

we can’t be friends (wait for your love) part 2 | max verstappen x best friend! reader

yourusername

liked by lilymhe, francisca.cgomez, and others

yourusername much needed rest and relaxation over the break (with some extra special family time)

view all 2,832 comments

user732 posting for the first time in months after dropping THAT song is diabolical

↳ user82 her saying she’ll wait for his love is actually kinda insane because i’d be groveling on my knees if she showed the slightest bit of interest in me

lilymhe oh my beautiful, beautiful girl

↳ yourusername love you lily <3

user81 i know that second single’s gonna hit like crack

↳ user4 praying everyday for her to release again

georgerussell63 pops finally made the gram?

↳ yourusername took lots and lots of convincing for me to be able to post this georgie

francolapinto muuyyyy linda 😘

↳ yourusername i’m a little too old for you sweetheart

christianhorner make sure to tell that boy of yours thank you for winning you the bear

↳ yourusername papa, this is not how instagram works…. everyone can see this

user63 christian outing his daughter about having a boyfriend was not on my 2024 bingo card 😭

↳ user33 diabolical move on his part, but now i’m nosy and wanna know who

francisca.cgomes i’ve missed you, come by soon ☹️💔

↳ yourusername will be over as soon as possible

yourusername added to their story!

[caption 1: night out with my girl! francisca.cgomes]

[caption 2: always third wheeling these two pierregasly francisca.cgomes]

view story replies

francisca.cgomes you could’ve brought him with you bubs

↳ it’s still new, didn’t want to force him into something he might not be comfortable with… he only met pops because of work

user72 y/n’s so me, always third wheeling my friend and her boyfriend </3

user44 two pretty girls omg

carlossainz55 could’ve invited me hermosa, would’ve been a nice double date

↳ next time then, just wasn’t sure if you were ready to officially officially meet my friends <3

alexandrasaintmleux no boyfriend appearance?

↳ keeping it low key… wasn’t sure if he was ready to meet everyone as my boyfriend yet

francisca.cgomes added to their story!

[caption 1: picked up alex and forced pierre to be our photographer]

[caption 2: when she gets a text back so she has to set her phone down and scream]

carlossainz55 glad i have that effect on her, tell her to answer me though </3

↳ still screaming, will text you back when she’s done

user44 literally me when i get a text from my man 🧍‍♀️

user81 three baddies in one picture 🧎‍♀️‍➡️

maxverstappen1 who was she texting???

↳ it’s none of your business max, stop meddling

incoming messages from max!

carlossainz55

liked by charles_leclerc, yourusername and others

carlossainz55 what a great way to end a three week break, love spending time with mi sol. ¡vamos vegas!

view all 4,822 comments

user72 y/n in the likes, my yncarlos truthers RISE!

↳ user63 so delusional oh my god

yourusername viva las vegas!

↳ carlossainz55 viva las vegas!

charles_leclerc sad to be out last triple header as teammates brother, i’ll be keeping you around

↳ carlossainz55 gonna miss you hermano, we’ll race hard for ferrari

user65 can’t believe it’s carlos’ last few races in a ferrari 💔

↳ user55 and if i say perez is out so the redbull seat is open and carlos goes to redbull and franco stays at williams 😁

↳ user65 delusion at its finest

maxverstappen1 ready to go in vegas 🙌

↳ carlossainz55 see you there

user23 you know who else went golfing with lily during the break? y/n!

↳ user61 that doesn’t mean y/n was there when carlos was with lily and alex, you sound delusional

yourusername added to their story!

[caption 1: the only professional ever took me golfing lilymhe]

[caption 2: he got jealous, so my man took me golfing too (:]

view story replies

user732 man???? i thought maybe your dad was joking… oh my god

user61 hmmm… interesting…. is that perhaps carlos sainz? who wore that same outfit in the pictures he posted on his insta… suspicious 🤨

carlossainz55 i was not jealous hermosa.. just wanted you to remember how good i am at golf

↳ oh of course amor, you just wanted to show off your golfing skills… so what if i post a picture of us when i announce my new song? are you okay with that?

carlossainz55 sounds amazing hermosa, i’ll post you too.. wanna show off my girl

lilymhe oh you two are so cute

↳ you missed it!!!! when we went to go find my ball he told me he loves me… i melted on the spot lils, he’s so sweet 🥲🥰

christianhorner oh baby, i hope you’re having a wonderful break. tell carlos to stop by hospitality on media day, we’ve got some things to discuss

↳ thank you papa! i’ll make sure to remind him

user81 oh that’s so cute

user94 lily and y/n >>>>>

user01 the fit though

maxverstappen1 is that who i think it is?? you’re with carlos??

↳ please max, it’s none of your business… can’t you just be happy for me?

maxverstappen1 i am happy for you schatje, i hope he treats you well

↳ so well! i love him max… so so much

user344 imagine being max and fumbling the baddest bitch and almost losing your championship to someone with three race wins

yourusername

liked by carlossainz55, maxverstappen1 and others

yourusername dinner dates with my man <3 (new song eternal sunshine out friday!)

view all 3,328 comments

user61 I KNEW IT I KNEW IT AND I GOT CALLED DELUSIONAL FOR SAYING IT

carlossainz55 bonitaaa

carlossainz55 hermosa 😍😍😍

carlossainz55 te amo mi sol

↳ yourusername te amo guapo

lilymhe and the cutest couple award goes to… carlos and y/n

↳ yourusername ahhhh i love you lily <3

alexandrasaintmleux oh you two are just the cutest

↳ yourusername thank you alex, love you <3

maxverstappen1 so happy for the two of you, congratulations!

↳ yourusername thank you max, it truly means a lot

user743 ok but they’re so cute together

user392 newest ferrari wag but only for three race weekends ☹️

↳ user16 you act like she’s dying, they’re just moving teams

christianhorner so happy for you baby! i love you princess ❤️

↳ yourusername thank you papa, i love you too. make sure to tell geri we’ll visit soon <3

carlossainz55 added to their story!

[caption 1: paddock days with my girl]

[caption 2: a win in vegas with the best company]

f1

liked by carlossainz55, yourusername and others

f1 carlos sainz to join oracle redbull racing for the 2025 season after sergio perez retires! franco colapinto will take sainz’s seat at williams for the 2025 season

view all 10,382 comments

carlossainz55 so so grateful for this opportunity!

user55 i literally predicted this ????

↳ yourusername please predict carlos winning wdc 2025, thanks girlie 🥰🙏

user23 so so happy for him!

user82 oh this is amazing news!

maxverstappen1 can’t wait to be teammates mate!

↳ carlossainz55 so excited to be teammates again hermano

charles_leclerc happy for you brother!

↳ carlossainz55 thank you charles, double date with the girls soon!

user44 oh wow

christianhorner excited for next year! wcc is ours! work hard boys!

yourusername added to their story!

[caption 1: eternal sunshine out now 🌞]

[caption 2: my eternal sunshine ☀️ carlossainz55]

[starkwlkr]

annoying little brothers | f1

female driver x f1 drivers (platonic) (same age as daniel so 33)

part 2 part 3

Y/N L/N BEING THE FUNNIEST DRIVER ON THE GRID

The video starts of with a press conference from the United States Grand Prix. Y/n was seated with Charles, Pierre, Daniel and Sebastian her being in the middle of all the men who she considered her brothers.

She was listening to all the questions the men were receiving from how they thought they were going to do, how’s the team doing, etc. But when a reported finally asked her a question, she completely blanked.

“Sorry, I was just thinking about my son. We were supposed to get breakfast together and he hasn’t texted me back. I haven’t seen Lando all day.” Y/‘ said making the drivers and reporters laugh.

“When did you adopt Lando? I wasn’t aware.” Daniel played along.

“2019. He was actually lost when I met him. It was during the Australian Grand Prix, his first f1 race. I found him and we did the Melbourne walk together and I’ve just kind of adopted ever since. So if any of you bully my son, I’m coming after you.” Y/n explained.

“He’s probably texting you right now saying ‘stop embarrassing me, mom!’” Sebastian went on.

“Wait, he’s over there!” Pierre spotted the Brit rushing towards their direction.

“He’s alive!” Charles cheered.

Finally, Lando arrived to their interview area with a box from a a bakery in his hand. “Sorry, I have to drop this off. We’ll get breakfast tomorrow. I got you pastries.” Lando gave Y/n the box and a hug then he was off since he was late for his interview.

“You’ve raised your son well.” The reporter joked.

“That was all me, I needed no help.”

The next clip was a fan video from 2021. Y/n had just finished her date with a guy and now she was signing autographs and taking photos with a group of girls. The girls had just finished their meals at a restaurant when they spotted the f1 driver leaving with a guy. The politely asked for a photo, which y/n was more than glad to take. Her date stepped aside to give them a moment.

“Sorry to interrupt your date.” A girl apologized for her and all her friends.

“Nothing to be sorry about, honey. I’m actually nervous because I don’t know how the date went. I’m horrible at first dates so this is kinda making me less stressed.” Y/n admitted. The girls laughed as y/n signed a girls phone case.

“Has he met Lando?” Another girl asked knowing how close y/n and lando are.

“Not yet. I’m afraid that Lando might scare him off. Everyone on the grid might, especially seb. He will definitely give him one of those ‘treat her right or I will run you over’ speeches.” Y/n signed another phone case.

“Does he knows you’re famous?”

“Oh god, no! I told him I was unemployed and that a sugar daddy was giving me money. I’m surprised he still agreed to come on this date with me.” Y/n chuckled.

Months later, the guy ended up being y/n’s boyfriend. He even attended the British Grand Prix where he finally met Lando, who was actually the one to tell him to treat y/n right or he would run him over.

The next clip started off with the intro to grill the grid. The challenge was to guess the driver’s numbers, something that y/n was semi confident about.

“So we start off with my man, Danny, number three.” She wrote down on her clipboard. “Four, my son, Lando. Also ever since I met Lando I’ve been seeing the number four quite often. It’s scary actually. Can’t decide if Lando put a curse on me or not.”

“Would he do that?”

“He shouldn’t,” y/n raised her voice slightly. “Anyways, next is … oh! Seb! I don’t know why I couldn’t think of him right away. Then we have latifi at number six then kimi at seven.” She continued writing down the names.

“Nine ….Mazepin.” She fought the urge to roll her eyes since her and the driver were never on good terms.

“Ten, my favorite frenchie well one of, we treat everyone nice here, gasly.” Y/n winked at the camera. “Eleven, the mexican minister of defense, Perez. And then we have me! Thirteen!”

“Do you think Lando got your number right?”

“I don’t doubt him ever.”

“Thirteen, my mother! Everyone better get that right.” Lando pointed at the camera menacingly.

“Fourteen, Alonzo. Sixteen, Leclerc Charles. Eighteen, stroll and twenty two!” Y/n sang the number in the tune of taylor swift’s song. “Yuki! Thirty one, Esteban, my other frenchie. Thirty three, max does he have a middle name verstappen.”

“Have you noticed that you haven’t gotten any wrong yet?”

“I’m just the best, that’s why.” Y/n laughed. “Forty four, the seven time world champion, sir lewis hamilton. Fourty seven, mick mick mick. I love to say his name.”

Y/n had completely forgotten she had to be writing the names down. She was having too much fun.

“Fifty five, carlos smooth operator sainz jr. sixty three, the man with two first names, russell george.” Y/n said as she looked down at the numbers on the paper.

“Do you know his middle name?”

Y/n gasped. “Is it another first name?”

“I believe it’s William.”

“Three names!? It sounds so british.” Y/n chuckled. “Um, seventy seven valtteri, right?” Y/n saw the interviewer nod. “I was getting worried my streak would be broken. And ninety nine, antonio!”

“You got all of them!” Everyone in the room cheered.

“Did anyone else get them all?” Y/n asked.

“Daniel did.”

“Of course. He’s good with numbers.”

The next clip was from the same grill the grid video but it was a blooper. Lando had arrived right as y/n finished filming and handed her a water bottle.

“Did you get my number?” Lando asked curiously.

“Yeah, ninety five, right? Cause you’re a McQueen fan.” Y/n teased as she grabbed the bottle from lando’s hand.

“Yeah, you remembered!” Lando played along “how did she really do?” He asked.

“She got them all right.”

“Really? I’ve got a smart mother!” Lando high fived the woman.

“It’s because I’ve got a photographic memory.” Y/n nodded with the most serious face on.

“Do you really?” Lando asked. He was surprised to hear that.

“No, I just love to lie.”

The next clip started with Daniel and Lando standing next to boards with their 2022 rankings. As predicted, Daniel and Lando’s part of the interview was mostly filled with them drawing over each other’s pictures.

Daniel them knocked over Lando’s rankings to the ground. “That’s how I feel.”

“That was the worst timing ever. Y/n is walking this way.” Lando told Daniel, who immediately picked up the board.

“Are those your rankings?” Y/n asked as she approached the duo. She then noticed that the setup and quickly apologized to the camera man. “Sorry, I’m just curious now.”

“Are you proud of me?” Lando asked, standing next to her and throwing his arm over her shoulder.

“When am I not? Wait, except that time you pushed me into my birthday cake.” Y/n pinched his side. “Can I see the pen?” She asked the guys, Lando gave her his.

“She’s adding to our masterpieces. This piece will be worth millions years from now.” Daniel said.

Y/n then scribbled little stars around Lando’s head and then signed it at the top. “Actually you both look great in your pictures. Did they use photoshop?”

“Excuse me, this is all natural.”

“Y/n! Hi, hello. What’s going on here?” Martin brundle asked the woman as she walked with her mom and pr manager, Lucy.

“Martin! It’s been a while, nothing much. How are you?” Y/n hugged the former racing driver. “This is my mom, she’s been wanting to meet you.”

“Mrs. l/n, hello. Welcome, how are you?” Martin greeted the older woman.

“Great. I’m here supporting my girl. It’s been a wonderful weekend.” Y/n’s mom smiled.

“Are you aware that you have a grandson that drives for McLaren?” Martin asked making all three ladies laugh.

“Yes, Lando is a very lovely young man.”

“How does it feel to have a daughter and grandson in f1?” Martin asked in a serious tone.

“Amazing. I’m super proud of both of them.”

“Thank you ladies for your time. Have a wonderful day.” Martin smiled at them, but before he could leave, y/n gave him a hug goodbye.

“Take care, Martin!” Y/n waved to the man and left with her mom and Lucy.

“She wins everything. Give her all the trophies. Everything is hers.” Martin said to the camera.

The final clip was consisted of y/n after a race getting interviewed.

“Do you often see your father?” Someone asked from the back.

“No, actually we’re just good friends.”

“What’s your opinion on the president of the United States?” Asked the same person.

“I don’t think about him.”

“What’s going on between max verstappen and lewis hamilton?”

“I don’t know, I just work here.”

[okaylikeschaewon]

Photographer: Part 2

IU, ~5k words, smut, male reader, author's note at end with update

“The only one.”

“I’m not sure I believe you.”

“Do you not trust me?” IU scoffed, crossing her arms and legs, the sass palpable as if she were filming a drama in her own home.

“It’s not that I don’t trust you,” you replied. “I just know you love watching them squirm.”

“You’re making it sound like I’m such an evil person,” she whined. “I make it worth their while, don’t I?”

“Hey I’m not complaining, I was in that exact situation only like a month ago and loved every second of it.”

“And look how far you’ve come, you’ve become so audacious,” she replied, licking her lips at that last word. “But I sorta miss when you were a stuttering mess.”

“I can pretend to be awestruck again if it’ll make you feel better,” you joked, sitting down next to her and wrapping your arm around her shoulder.

“You’re IU! B-B-But you’re IU!” she teased, lips curled into a sly smile.

She began to giggle as your hand dropped off her shoulder, tickling her ribs playfully.

Her smile was pretty, but her laugh was to die for.

“Okay stop!” she gasped, falling over onto her back.

“Apologize,” you demanded, leaning over her body, locking her in place.

She looked up at you with that mischievous grin - the one she flashed so often lately - on her face.

“No.”

Commotion broke out as you began relentlessly tickling her again, both of your hands toying with her sides. You couldn’t help but join in on the laughter as her shrieks filled the room; It was impossible to not smile.

“Please!” she wheezed, completely out of breath.

“Say it.”

“I’m sorry,” she gasped for air as you finally let up, giving her a chance to catch her breath. “I could get you in… so much trouble… for that.”

“Tell them and then I’ll tell everyone about how you’ve been taking my di-”

“See what I mean, audacious,” she cut you off while smirking up at you.

“I’ve learned from you,” you replied, leaning forward and giving her a short kiss on the mouth. “Take whatever I want, whenever I want it.”

“Strictly speaking, you’re still under that NDA,” IU threatened casually.

“Don’t worry, I wouldn’t actually dare tell anyone about this,” you replied, running your hand through her hair. “I’m a gentleman.”

“Well I hope you’ll be enough of a gentleman to pardon me for just a bit,” IU said while gently pushing you off her. “I do actually have to get back to work at some point.”

“Has it really already been an hour?” you asked, sitting up on the couch, freeing IU from her prison.

“Hour and fifteen,” IU laughed while collecting her discarded clothes from around the room.

“Wait, just one last thing,” you requested, reaching forward and pulling her hand towards you.

She walked up right in front of you, looking down at you with a puzzled expression. Before she could ask what you wanted, you leaned your face forward between her legs and planted your lips against her bare thigh. You left a long, wet kiss on her skin before looking up at her.

“You’re IU.”

She rolled her eyes before bursting out laughing.

—

“Do you think we’ll ever be able to go out instead of ordering in?”

IU bit her lip nervously, looking at you with a face full of remorse.

“Does it bother you?”

“Not particularly, but I do sometimes wonder if it would really be that big of a deal,” you speculated, taking a bite of sweet potato. “What do you think?”

“I’m just…” she hesitated, poking at her food. “The thing is, I really like what we have going on. I don’t want to risk ruining it.”

“Ruining it?”

“It’s more like, I know how some fans can be,” she clarified. “I’m scared some of the more dedicated ones might… you know…”

“Understandable,” you said quietly, taking a piece of fish between your chopsticks.

“That’s not what you wanted to hear.”

“Don’t worry about it,” you reassured her, placing your hand on top of hers. “It makes sense, I agree that we should keep whatever this is more private.”

“Whatever this is…” she mumbled.

The two of you made silent eye contact, forgetting about the dinner spread across the table. You stared into her soft, marble-like eyes, getting lost in her gaze. She was special, you just knew she was special, and you were afraid to lose her. Despite the nervousness, it felt like the right time to ask.

“What exactly is this?”

Silence. An hour of it - or realistically probably just a few seconds - your world stopped. Ever since you had the pleasure of working with IU, you couldn’t stop thinking about her. The two of you would meet almost daily, unless her schedule kept her too busy; the days you didn’t meet, you would still text. You felt like you really knew her.

“I don’t really know,” she answered softly.

“Neither do I,” you said before awkwardly poking at your food, suddenly regretting asking the question. “I’m sorry, didn’t mean to ruin the mood.”

“Don’t,” IU responded sternly. “I may not know exactly what this is, but there’s nothing to apologize for.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You…” she let out a puff of air from her nose before chuckling. “I’m fine with letting things run their course and just seeing what happens if you are.”

“Yeah, that works for me,” you smiled back.

She let out a relieved sigh before finally taking a bite of food.

“If you really want,” she said after swallowing, her tone changing entirely. “Pick a restaurant, I can book the whole thing for us.”

“Do you have any idea how hot that was?”

“Not exactly my intention.”

“Yet, here we are.”

“So what is it,” IU smirked, pushing her plate to the side and planting her elbows on the table, leaning forward with her face in her hands, like a flower blooming. “What are you in the mood for?”

“You know what I’m really in the mood for.”

“I want to hear it,” she purred.

“I’m looking right at it,” you answered, pushing your plate to the side as well.

“Don’t you ever get tired of that one?” she smirked, leaning back in her chair. “You get it all the time.”

“No, never,” you replied while walking around the table in front of her, leaning forward in front of her face with your hands on her arm rests, trapping her in place. “Never.”

“You know you got me in trouble earlier,” IU whined frivolously. “They said I was late.”

“Aren’t you like their princess, who cares?”

“I’m not a princess.”

“Can the amazing IU even get in trouble? Is it even possible?”

“I can!” she protested, unintentionally becoming the most adorable girl on the planet as her sharp eyes contrasted the subtle pout of her lips. “I still have responsibilities, you know, I don’t just show up, take a couple of pictures and leave.”

“Hurtful,” you laughed, standing up straight. You pushed her hair back behind her ear, stroking it softly, admiring the light makeup she was sporting tonight, her charmingly elegant look. That sweet, genuine smile she wore as she looked up at you with her natural innocence - the innocence that hid her true intentions. “You shouldn’t be late, it’s not very responsible of you.”

“I know,” she replied softly, keeping her gaze locked on you, only breaking eye contact for a brief moment to peek at your crotch.

“So the princess learned her lesson?”

“Need I remind you about why I was late?” her expression switched to annoyance. “And I’m not a princess.”

“I would love a reminder,” you smirked, reaching forward to slip the strap of her nightgown off her shoulder.

“You’ll never get one if you keep calling me a princess,” she hissed angrily - yet she made no attempt to stop you as you slipped the other strap off.

“You’re right, you’re not a princess,” you said calmly. “You’re more beautiful than a princess.”

To your lovely surprise, this got her flustered. Flattery almost never worked on her - she was too used to hearing it. Yet her soft features, glowing with a gentle blush, showcased her beauty wonderfully. She looked stunning tonight, just like she did every other night, the perfect visual.

“Tell me more about your responsibilities,” you continued, stepping even closer towards her, easing the thin fabric down until it just barely covered her chest.

“It’s my responsibility to make sure my staff is happy working with me,” she said as she rubbed her hand up and down your crotch, outlining your shaft with her fingers.

“Last I checked, I work for you from time to time,” you said back. “How exactly do you keep them happy?”

“It would be easier if I just show you,” she said while tugging at the drawstring of your pants. “If I have your permission.”

“You’re allowed to do whatever you want,” you answered, holding her hair out of her face as she began slowly easing down your pants. “Isn’t that how this works?”

“That’s exactly how this works,” she mumbled as she pulled down your clothes, freeing your cock from its modesty. “I love how you’re always so excited to see me.”

“Yeah, after all-” you gasped sharply as her tongue made contact with your shaft. “Who wouldn’t be? You’re IU.”

Her lips curled up as her eyes squinted just a bit while she slowly, painfully slowly, ran her tongue up your cock. You took the opportunity to slide your hand down her gown, taking her soft nipples between your fingers, playing with her body with utter freedom.

She reached your tip with her mouth, the way she looked at you. Overwhelming would be an apt description, her eyes managed to be so delicate yet full of ferocity. Confidence, allure, she just knew how to make you lose your mind by doing the most subtle actions, descriptions just couldn’t do her beauty justice.

Your tip was getting all of her attention now as she swirled her tongue, an expert with her mouth, round and round. Her soft lips pressed against your cock, leaving gentle kisses all over the tip while that unbreakable eye contact kept you fixated on her pretty face.

Kiss after kiss, not caring at all about the little bit precum already leaking. She just kept kissing your tip until she was finally satisfied, giving your hole a few gentle prods with her tongue before moving down your shaft, planting her lips on each and every section of your length.

The eye contact never broke. Not once. The most you got was a subtle squint when you would pinch down with your fingers. Even as her lips made it down to your balls, your cock resting on her face, she still kept her gaze on you.

“You’re beautiful,” you muttered, taking one hand out of her top and running your fingers through her soft hair.

Gently, she ran her tongue up your shaft, the blush on her cheeks confirming she heard your comment. Without even lifting her tongue off your cock, she opened her lips wide and slipped the tip into the warmth of her mouth. As she slowly moved down your cock, eyes still locked on yours, the excessive wetness of her mouth began coating your entire cock.

She sucked you off with utmost enthusiasm, repeatedly sending impulses up your spine. One hand was on the table in a feeble attempt to hold yourself up, while your other hand was holding back her hair. With how beautiful IU was, you didn’t want to miss it for a second.

The difficult part, however, was ignoring the haziness in your eyes. The softness of her mouth around your cock was desensitizing your entire body. For the next couple of minutes, it felt like your cock was the only part of your body that existed, and it lived happily halfway down IU’s throat.

It became too much for you. The urge took over - you needed her. You pulled your hips back, letting your cock escape IU’s lips before immediately pulling her up off the chair. Before she could even react, you had picked her up by her thighs and carried her over to the couches behind the dining table.

“Wow, do you have any idea how hot that was?” IU gasped as her back hit the cushions.

“Exactly what I intended,” you replied with a smile.

The smile on your lips was immediately pressed against IU’s mouth as you leaned forward over her. With your tongue down her throat, you yanked her little nightgown down and cupped her small breasts between your fingers as her legs wrapped around your waist.

Your throbbing cock was pressed against her underwear as the soft dress bunched up at her waist, exposing her soft thighs. You began rubbing your cock against the thin chiffon between her legs, her wetness being felt through the thin fabric.

Soon, both of your hands had abandoned her chest and made their way down her body. You had two handfuls of her soft thighs pressed between your fingers while your lips continued their gentle massage against IU’s mouth. She was intoxicating.

It was difficult to stop kissing her, near impossible at this point. Until she took the short instant that your lips parted with hers, while you took a quick breath, to speak words directly into your face.

“Hurry up and take me,” she whispered, closing her eyes and leaning her head back.

After a sharp inhale, you reached a hand between her legs, pulling her soaked underwear to the side and pressing your cock against her bare, warm, wet folds. Her body welcomed you, silently begging for you to enter.

Before you plunged your cock into her warm embrace, you leaned your mouth forward into the crevice of IU’s neck that she was presenting to you. Her gorgeous scent filled your senses as your mouth began kissing her smooth skin, right before you entered her pussy.

The warmth and tightness around your cock was nothing compared to the satisfaction of the moan that hit your ears. You began aggressively kissing her neck, holding your cock about halfway deep into her pussy, relishing in each and every noise leaving IU’s lips each time your cock moved slightly.

Once she had a few seconds to adjust, you rested your face on her clavicle, using your hands to support your body as your hips started to move back and forth. She kept moaning, more pragmatically now, enjoying the sensation. It was like she had become an instrument, one that you magically knew how to play.

Sex with IU was insane. The girl was so unbelievably expressive, it was impossible to not feel like a king around her. You could happily watch her scrunched up face while you fucked her gently for the rest of your lift - it was utterly enthralling.

“I’m going to cum,” you moaned quietly, keeping the pace of your hips. “You’re going to make me cum.”

“Mhmm,” IU moaned back.

“Where?”

“Anywhere!” she cried out, shocking you with the sudden intensity, scrunching her face up even harder.

Her hands grabbed her dress, scrunching it up into what resembled a tiny ribbon just below her breasts, exposing her toned stomach. Her knuckles went white with how hard she was gripping the cloth.

Only now did you become acutely aware of how tight her pussy was becoming. It felt divine, but it also meant it was impossible for you to hold back any longer. You suddenly hit the point of no return, the tension building up all around your crotch. You were mere seconds away from exploding inside her, but the desire to paint her abs somehow prevailed.

Without hesitation, you pulled out and began stroking your cock over her body. The same instant that your tip left her pussy, a beam of white launched all the way up her body, leaving a streak of white across her stomach.

IU, finally opening her eyes, licked the back of her hand clean of the cum that splattered on it before intently watching your cock unload into her stomach. Her deep breaths were making the lake of cum spill over onto the couch - a problem for later. She smiled softly at you while rubbing her pussy with one hand slowly as your cock dripped the last bit of cum onto her belly.

However, you weren’t done yet. Swiftly, you moved back and shoved your face between IU’s spread legs. Her sudden shriek transformed into a moan halfway as your tongue began making circles around her clit. You were aggressive, making sure she felt every movement.

The hand she was pleasuring herself with had grabbed your hair, and you could feel her fingers digging into your scalp. Her other hand was interlocked with yours as you reached up to grab it, squeezing tightly. Your tongue was working overtime trying to get IU back to her climax.

Based on how her thighs began to press against your head, you figured it was working. You began sucking on her clit while bringing your free hand up and inserting two fingers into her pussy.

“Just like that,” she groaned softly. “I’m close.”

Her taste was intoxicating. You simply could not get enough. She began to leak profusely, filling your mouth to the point of her wetness coating your chin; you didn’t care one bit. All that mattered was making her feel good.

She began to hyperventilate, arching her back as her pussy leaked all over your lips and hand. You could feel her pussy squeezing your fingers, convulsing each time your tongue lapped at her clit. It was inevitable now - she was going to cum.

Licking and sucking, you went a bit longer, keeping your mouth open now to try accommodating the mess she was making. After just a short few moments later, you felt a small spurt of liquid hit the back of your throat accompanied by a very loud shriek coming from IU.

“Oh fuck!” she shouted, letting go of your hand and letting her whole body convulse in pleasure.

She had also let go of your hair at this point, simply leaning back on the couch and enjoying the moment. You leaned back slightly, watching her writhe and ride her orgasm out as your two fingers gently thrusted into her pussy. You brought your second hand up towards her clit, rubbing light circles while you watched her.

Her orgasm went on for a while, and you enjoyed every second of it just as much as she did. When she finally began to calm down, you slowly withdrew your fingers and leaned over her body. The two of you kissed again, IU’s eyes closed once again.

After the kiss, you simply lay on top of her body, feeling each breath she took. The two of you were a mess, but that was the least of your worries. You just wanted to hold her, feel her warmth, feel her lungs inhale and exhale. For a few minutes, the two of you simply lay there in each other’s embrace, silence broken only by the gentle breaths IU was taking.

“What’s your plan for tomorrow?” you asked, gently breaking the silence.

“I have a short photoshoot in the morning, and then I’m free.”

“Photoshoot? I don’t remember hearing about this.”

“There’s going to be another photographer,” IU answered quietly.

You sat up and looked at her as she tried to avoid your gaze.

“You’ve had plenty of photographers other than me since we started this thing,” you said cautiously. “But why does it seem like there’s something bothering you this time?”

“It’s… complicated,” IU began to explain.

“I believed you when you said you stopped,” you chuckled. “I’m not actually worried about another photographer working with you.”

“We have history.”

“What kind of history?” you asked hesitantly, starting to get worried by how she was acting.

She looked up into your eyes with a pained expression.

“Are you really going to make me say it?”

“No,” you replied softly before moving over on the couch until you were right next to her. You wrapped your arms around her before continuing. “It doesn’t matter what you did.”

“He’s going to be the first photographer since I met you who knows about…” IU stammered, her arms latching onto your back. “What if he…”

“You can say no,” you interjected firmly, squeezing her small body tightly. You held onto her until she stopped sobbing, until her body stopped trembling, before letting go of her and looking into her face. “You’re not that type of girl,” you said softly as you wiped her face.

“What is wrong with me!” she shouted dramatically, tilting her head back to try and hold her tears in. “This was so much easier before…”

“Before what?” you asked while moving closer to her.

IU gazed deep into your eyes, her own sparkling with the remnants of her tears. She inched her face forward - it felt like she was taking an eternity - until her lips were as close to yours as they could physically be without touching.

“Before you,” she whispered before pressing forward.

—

It was impossible to stop thinking about it. You decided to work from home, IU’s home, because she refused to let you leave last night - not that you wanted to leave anyway. It would be fine under normal circumstances, but it did make it extremely difficult to stop thinking about her.

After accepting work was not an option today, you decided to just slack off on your laptop - something most employees already did when they worked from home. Time ticked away slowly as you spent the day switching between shows and YouTube videos. Luckily, IU’s home was painfully comfortable, there really were no complaints to be had.

Eventually boredom, or perhaps guilt, kicked in, and you decided to give work another shot. By some divine intervention, you managed to forget about the unforgettable girl for just a little bit and you actually got some editing done.

Taking the pictures was only a small part of your job, most of the time you were busy editing and compiling the best shots into sets for clients. As you sifted through picture after picture, you were once again reminded of how nice working with IU was. Working with someone as talented as her just made things so much easier, you didn’t have to delete hundreds - if not thousands - of ‘bad’ pictures; It wasn’t easy taking a ‘bad’ picture of IU.

Endless scrolling eventually took a toll on your mind, and you felt yourself slowly start to doze off. IU was partially to blame again: Why was every piece of furniture in her home so comfortable? It did, however, end up making your extracurricular activities with her quite fun. With all the options available in her home, the two of you rarely ended up doing much in her bed other than actually sleeping.

Your mind casually thought of all the chairs, couches, tables, rugs, and a number of other more unorthodox places the two of you have enjoyed the last month together. As you sank into her couch, you didn’t even have the energy to put your laptop on the coffee table before you fell into a state of bliss.

That state of bliss, however, was completely shattered when you woke up to the gentle sounds of sobbing on the couch next to you. Out of all the ways IU has woken you up previously, this was by far the worst.

“IU?” you croaked as your eyes furiously blinked open, trying to find the source of the crying next to you. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m a fucking slut.”

“Hey!” you quickly rushed to her side, pulling her into your embrace. “Why would you say that?”

“It’s true,” she cried, her eyes coating your shoulder. “Everyone knows it, everyone’s thinking it.”

“No they’re not,” you said firmly.

“You probably also think I’m a slut,” she sobbed, her arms falling limply to her sides.

“No I don’t!” you insisted as you pulled back, holding her shoulders, staring into her face. She still had the professional makeup from the photo shoot on, and you just now noticed how beautiful she was at this moment despite the crying. “What did he do?”

She shook her head, her lip quivering, tears building up in her eyes again.

“I’m not mad, I just need to know what happened,” you said, trying your best to control your voice.

“Nothing happened,” she said sniffled. “I didn’t do anything with him.”

You tilted your head in confusion.

“I told you, I’m not mad, just tell me what happened.”

“See, even you assume I’m just a fucking slut!” IU shattered into tears, putting her hands over her face and crying.

“What? No!” you let go of her shoulders, trying to make sense of what was going on. “Please, I believe you, just help me understand.”

She took a minute, one that felt like an hour, before lowering her hands and looking at you.

“He…” she stammered, scrunching her face up in an attempt to hold back her tears.

“Take your time,” you reassured her, reaching forward and grabbing her hands. “I’m not going anywhere, take as long as you need.”

She inhaled deeply, exhaling slowly, rubbing her cheek against her shoulder before speaking again.

“The photoshoot… after we finished, he…” she struggled until you gave her hands an encouraging squeeze. “He came into my dressing room after.”

You held your tongue, letting her say her whole piece before asking questions despite the burning rage that was filling your insides.

“He expected me to just… he walked right up to me and lowered his pants,” IU choked, taking a short moment to recompose herself. “The way he looked at me, he just expected me to…”

“Did he do anything else?” you asked gently but firmly.

“No,” she shook her head, lip trembling again but no tears fell this time. “I told him I don’t do that anymore.”

“And that was the end of it?”

She nodded slowly, looking at you as if she expected something, reassurance, comfort, it wasn’t clear.

“You’re not a slut,” you said directly. “Even if you did what he wanted, it still wouldn’t have made you… can we stop using that word?”

“Do you not believe me?” her eyes began to well up.

Without hesitation, you lunged forward and pulled her into your embrace again.

“Of course I believe you,” you mumbled into her shoulder while rubbing her back. “I trust you completely.”

“Then why does it feel like you still think I did something,” she sniffled against your shoulder.

“I don’t think you did something,” you replied. “I only meant even if you did, it wouldn’t matter.”

“There is no ‘if you did’ about it!” she shouted as the tears streamed down her face. “I told you already, you are the only one I want. I don’t do that stuff anymore.”

“I know,” you whispered into her shoulder.

“Do you still want…” she sniffled before stopping.

“Want what?” you asked, letting go of her.

“This.”

“You mean, us?”

She nodded solemnly.

“Of course I still want this,” you answered firmly. “We agreed to see where things go, is that not what you want anymore?”

“I’m… no,” she responded. “I’m tired of waiting and seeing.”

“You mean…”

“We both want the same thing, why make it harder than it needs to be?” she continued. “I’m ready if you are.”

“IU, are you sure?”

“Exclusive. You. Me.”

It felt like a weight had been launched off your chest, a weight you weren’t even aware of before. You could feel the palpitations in your chest, suddenly your heart wasn’t working properly. IU wanted to make this official?

“I’m ready.”

---

AN:

IT HAS BEEN A VERY LONG TIME. No, this was not initially intended to be a Christmas release, but hey Merry Christmas to those who celebrate! This chapter ended up being a tiny bit shorter than my normal, but that's because I decided I like this story and want to continue it for just a little bit longer (maybe 5 parts total?) and this was a nice ending spot. I sorta have a plan for how I want to end this series, so we'll see if we get there.

Anyway, figured I'd update a bit on what's going on with me. There's a really good chance that this will bite me in the butt, however, I plan to upload somewhere between 2-5 updates in my other stories within the next week or two. THIS IS TENTATIVE, NO PROMISES.

Life is busy, I am borderline retired as a writer now, but like I said previously: I will still try to write when I have time and motivation. Updates, after the optimistic 2-5 I mentioned above, will continue to be extremely sporadic. For those of you who truly enjoy my writing, I'm sorry that there will be long delays. For those of you who don't really care for my writing... why are you still reading this?

Same deal as before, I'd love feedback! I'll admit, I won't be able to put as much time and effort as I used to, but I still want to improve. Let me know what you liked or disliked! I didn't really proofread or reread this chapter nearly as much as I normally do, honestly I just missed the thrill of uploading a piece of writing. Hopefully you guys understand and will forgive any silly mistakes!

[commandershepardvasfuckit]

An Arranged Marriage, part 12

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11

M!troll x f!reader

1.2k words

(Also, ask box is always open, I am literally always vibrating out of my skin to talk about this man)

--------

Sometime ago Zen’jan had stopped purring and seemed to be entirely asleep on your lap. You kept combing out his hair as long as you could, stopping only when you could not reach anymore because how he was laying back. It was a marvel just how much hair he was shedding, your lap was covered in green hairs and you had amassed quite a pile next to you as you cleaned out the comb.

With his head tilted on your lap one of his ears was sticking up, much longer and pointier than an elf’s, and you could not help tracing your finger along the edge. Midway up his ear there was a sizable tear and numerous nicks all up and down the sides. He sighed in his sleep while you played with his ear, maybe one day you would get up the courage to do things like that when he was awake too.

He seemed happy, a strange realization you had as you watched him doze. Sure he had smiled and joked with you a bit in the last month, but this was different, this was actual genuine happiness.

And it was weird to realize you were pretty happy too. For the first time in your life you were able to go where you wanted and do what you wanted. You had free reign to roam the city without being dogged by attendants chaperoning you around and deciding where you were allowed. You could go where you wanted, talk to who you wanted, just do what you wanted.

Maybe what was the most weird was without a doubt you knew Zen cared about you. You were not sure if you could call it love, from either of you, but he truly did everything he could to take care of you.

Your hand drifted from his ear back to his hair, he was shedding much less now as you ran your fingers through it. It was the dense, thick second layer to his hair seemed to be what was mainly shedding, then there were the longer strands that laid on top and gave his hair its length. You found yourself just absentmindedly playing with his hair while you got lost in your thoughts.

“Having fun?”

Startled, you looked down to see Zen looking back up at you smiling.

“You do not have to wait until I fall asleep to touch me you know” he continued.

“How long have you been awake?” you asked.

“Since you were touching my ear”.

“And you didn’t say anything?”

“No, it felt nice and I figured you would stop if you knew I was awake”

He was right. You were not sure why but you still felt embarrassed by it.

“Are you getting hungry? I did not mean to fall asleep again, so by now you must be starving” he asked.

“Yeah, I don’t think I’ve eaten since breakfast yesterday”.

“Would you prefer to stay home and rest, or would you like to come with me?” he asked.

You thought about it for a moment, part of you just wanted to wrap up in blankets and stay in the warmth and safety of your home, the other part of you did not like the idea of being left alone.

“I’ll come with you” you decided.

The two of you walked the streets of the market quarter of the city, Zen close enough to be brushing against you at all times. It seemed he was making up for lost time now that you were comfortable with him touching you.

He happily let you lead the way to any food stalls that caught your attention and translated for you so you could ask questions about any foods you were not familiar with. It was a nice change just to walk around with him eating street food and chatting, sure you were still exhausted, but this was a good distraction.

“You just let me know where you want to go and what you want to do” he said and gave your shoulder a squeeze.

You yelped, your shoulder stung and felt raw when he touched it.

“I am so sorry, did I grab you too hard?” he asked, panicked by your reaction.

“No, no it’s not that, just stings” you said.

“Let me see” carefully he tugged the collar of your shirt aside to check on your shoulder, “How did you not feel this before, look”

You looked at the top of your shoulder, your skin was bright red and angry and stung where his fingers accidentally grazed it. The redness continued down the top part of your arm.

“From the sun yesterday, since your shoulders and arms were not really covered” he said, “We can get something for it on the way home”.

The two of you continued your walk, Zen insisting on buying all sorts of sweets and snacks for later. He paused in front of a small shop before ducking inside with you in tow. Herbs and plants overflowed from shelves and hung from the ceiling and an older troll woman sat behind the counter.

She called out in the troll language to the two of you and you smiled politely, not knowing what she said.

Zen however immediately launched into an animated conversation. You smiled while you watched him, he was much livelier speaking his own language, gesturing with his hands and emoting. You loved listening to him speak even if you did not know what he was saying, he always seemed happier using his language versus his stiff common.

The two of you left the shop with a small jar of something and made your way home.

“May I?” he asked as the two of you sat together at home on the bed. He was holding the little jar from the shop and gesturing to your shoulder.

You tugged the edge of your collar aside and Zen quickly got to applying whatever was in the jar. It was cold against your skin, but did help take the sting away. Gently he continued, moving on to your other shoulder and both arms. It was nice a nice feeling as he sat behind you, the quiet sort of intimacy of just helping someone.

You leaned back against him, resting your back on his chest and he lowered his head down on top of yours. You reached up and offered him some of the pastry you had been eating, though instead he planted a few soft kisses along the inside of your wrist, his gentle show of affection made your heart flutter a bit.

“Are you happy, Zen?” you asked.

“I am” his lips were still against your wrist as he spoke, “Are you?”

You thought about it again. You were in a city where you did not speak the language, your husband followed the lord of shadows and you were still avoiding unpacking your feelings about that, and in the last month you really had only made one friend. But you were happy, more than anything you were free.

“I am” you said.

“Good” he nuzzled the top of your head, “Do I still need to sleep on the floor?” he teased.

You turned sideways a bit and buried your face into his chest, “No, I think I really liked sleeping together earlier” you could not look at him while you admitted it.

“I am happy that you feel comfortable with me now”

You could hear his soft purr as he spoke.

Part 13

[thiccschief]

Coach's Big Secret, Pt. 1

Part one of three.

This story idea popped into my head the other day, can't wait to write the second part! As always let me know what y'all think!

Contains rapid male weight gain, sexual themes, bloating. Slight inflation themes, but mostly weight gain.

After practice, the team slowly leaves the locker room as they get dressed and head home. Coach asked you to stay after and discuss some things with him, so you hit the showers to kill some time and then return to the locker room. Now the only one left, you begin to get dressed. As you squeeze into your pants, you pray that Coach will finally let you cut after this bulk he’s had you on.

Since the college rugby season started a month or so ago, Coach has had you on an intense bulking diet. Or at least, that’s what he calls it. To you it feels like more of a dirty bulk… Regardless, you went from about 220 pounds at the start to about 240 pounds on your 6’ frame. Your belly and love handles have become noticeable in your shirts, as well as your pecs which are starting to look a little more like tits, which the other guys on the team have been teasing you about relentlessly. Hopefully, you think, Coach is going to tell me I can start focusing on turning this into muscle.

As you manage to squeeze into your tee (which barely conceals your pudgy belly) Coach Johnson walks in the locker room. At 40, Coach Johnson is a handsome man who is 6 '2 " with a bit of a dad bod. He’s always been a likeable and easy to get along with coach, but can still make the boys on the team fall in line when he needs to.

“Hey champ! Great work out there today.” Coach says, as he walks up to you. “Thanks for waiting for me, I had to wrap some things up.”

“No problem, Coach!” you reply. You notice his eyes dart quickly to your belly and then back up. “What did you want to discuss with me? Am I doing okay on the team?”

“Of course! Sorry bud, I didn't want you to think that at all. I actually wanted to tell you I’m proud of your results! It looks like you’re following my diet guidelines well!” He makes a gesture toward your body.

“I’ve been trying, for sure” you reply. “I know you want what’s best for me and the team. I was wondering, though, how much do you want me to keep bulking before I can start the cut? I feel like I’m starting to get a little fat…”

Coach quickly interjects “Not at all, champ! It may seem unconventional, but you’re on the road to becoming a star athlete! You’ve gotta trust me on this one. You wouldn’t wanna let down me and the team, would you?”

“No sir…”

“Good. Now, back to what I was going to ask you. As a congratulations on your progress, I wanted to see if you would want to try that new buffet in town? They’re doing a special with unlimited barbeque! You can get your protein in, and then some. My treat!” Coach says this with his usual enthusiasm, and you feel like you can’t say no.

“Thanks Coach! Sounds great!”

“Good, let’s head out then! I’m starving.” Coach says this with his usual friendly smile, but you feel like he’s more enthusiastic about this than normal. Maybe he really is just hungry.

You follow Coach out to his pickup truck and climb in the passenger seat, and he starts driving. You chat with him about the team and the game coming up next weekend. Once the two of you arrive, you find a table then set out for the buffet. Coach was right… this grand opening special is no joke! There’s brisket, pork, chicken, you name it. And not to mention the sides. You’re a sucker for some good mac and cheese, and this looks like the good stuff…

After pursuing the buffet, you return to the table to find Coach already seated with a modest portion of brisket and veggies on his plate. In stark contrast to his, your plate is piled high with a barbecue sandwich, more meat, some veggies, a massive serving of mac and cheese, and some pecan pie to top it off.

“Damn, son. It’s a good thing this place has big plates! You’ve got quite the appetite tonight.” Coach says with some hearty laughter. “Glad to see you’ve taken my diet to heart.”

You can feel your face growing red with embarrassment as you sit down and begin eating. “Yeah, I feel like I get a lot hungrier now… gotta get those calories in if I want to build some muscle I guess!” You reply with nervous laughter.

“That’s right! Well, let's eat!” Coach says and begins eating his own meal, occasionally glancing at your plate as if monitoring your progress.

You both make small talk about rugby as you eat… or at least Coach does. You’re doing a little less speaking as your mouth is near constantly full of food. As if coming out of a trance, you finally near the end of your meal, and attempt to stifle a burp as you realize how full you actually are. “Shit, coach… I think my eyes may have been a little bigger than my stomach tonight…” you laugh nervously as Coach grins at you.

“C’mon big guy! Can’t let that go to waste! Besides, you need the calories for building muscle, remember?”

“I… yeah… I’ll try…” You stammer as you pick the fork back up and force yourself to finish off your plate. Finally done, you lean back in the booth and put your hands on your full belly. “Damn, *burp* I’m stuffed… that was so much food…”

“And you took it like the champion you are!” Coach says, grinning still. “You know, I think you have what it takes…”

“Huh?” You’re almost too full to focus on what he’s talking about. “Have what it takes for what?”

“I’ve been working on a new way to provide nutrition for athletes trying to bulk up. I haven’t tried it out yet, but I think it would be a great addition to your regimen. You’re clearly committed to doing what it takes for the team. It’s the first of its kind so it’s a little difficult to explain… I think it would be easier to take you to my house and show you.” Coach is speaking in a low tone as if he doesn’t want to expose his new invention.

“I uh… ok Coach… I trust you.” Still nearly too full to function, Coach offers to help you out of the booth and you two make your way to his truck. As he climbs in the driver’s seat you catch a glimpse of what looks like a boner in his khakis, but it’s hard to tell in the dimly lit parking lot.

Coach lives on a large property on the outskirts of your small town. Once you two arrive, he pulls his truck to the back of the lot to what looks like a large garage/workshop building. He guides you inside the side door, and cuts on the lights.

“Here she is! It may not look like much, but this thing is going to transform the way we look at nutrition!” Coach, beaming with pride and excitement, gestures to what looks like a large steel tank labeled “Mass Plus” to the side of the large room. Next to the tank is what appears to be a long, black garden hose. The center of the room is cleared, and there are miscellaneous tools and equipment along the walls.

“Y’know Coach, I never thought of you as the mad scientist type…” you say, trying to process the scene.

Coach laughs and replies “Never judge a book by its cover, son! So the first part is simple. I’ve been working hard to develop a formula that instantly provides results and helps athletes bulk up. The second part is… well… shall we say, outside the box? You see, in order for this formula to be most effective, it has to be absorbed straight into your digestive system. Which means it has to enter the body through… atypical means.”

“Respectfully, Coach, are you saying it has to go up your ass!?” You reply, bewildered. This has to be a fucked up dream…

“Always direct to the point! Yes, it has to be taken like that. But think about it, is it really the craziest thing you’ve heard someone do for their physique? And besides, this is completely between you and I. What happens here won’t be shared with anyone. Now, you trust me, right? This will be great for your performance on the field. It’ll take your bulk to a whole new level!” Coach walks over to the hose reel and picks up what looks like a… buttplug… shaped nozzle at the end of the hose.

While completely shocked by everything happening so fast, there is a part of you that is, for some reason, curious to try this out… Besides, Coach is always looking out for you and has your best interests in mind! He hasn’t steered you wrong yet!

While holding the nozzle, Coach walks over and picks up a bottle of lube and begins applying it to the nozzle.

“Alright champ, go ahead and drop your pants for me, and come over here to the middle of the room. Don’t be shy, it’s not like I haven’t seen all of you in the locker room already.”

Your heart racing with apprehension and curiosity, you follow Coach’s instructions. He walks up behind you and you feel his gentle yet strong hand between your shoulder blades, signaling you to bend over. You close your eyes and brace for impact, then feel the cold, large nozzle slide into your ass. You can’t help but let out a small yelp as you feel it enter.

“Just breathe, big guy. You’re doing great.” Coach says in a low tone. “Almost there…”

You feel it finally stop moving as Coach instructs you to stand back up straight.

“Damn that thing is… huge…” you say, trying not to reveal how good it actually felt.

“We’re just getting started, champ! Alright, step two…” Coach says as he grabs a remote.

You hear a beep as Coach fiddles with the remote and suddenly you feel the nozzle expand in your ass as if it’s being inflated. You can’t help but let out a small moan as it touches your prostate then stops.

“This formula is incredibly potent, can’t risk any of it leaking…” Coach says with a mischievous glint in his eye. “Alright, time for the main event! I’ll go easy on you to start.”

You hear another beep, and hear what sounds like a pump in the large tank come to life. After a few seconds, you feel a warm liquid entering you from the nozzle.

“Oh shit… I can feel it…” you say softly, transfixed by the sensation.

“Good! We’ll keep it on low for now. Also- due to male anatomy, this will likely also cause some level of arousal. Don’t be embarrassed, just go with the flow, okay big guy?” Coach says gently, as he quickly glances at your now rock hard cock.

While this is embarrassing, there’s no way to hide it now… “Yes sir…” you reply, meekly.

“Oh, I almost forgot one more thing!” Coach says as he walks to one of the corners of the room, and returns with a full length mirror on wheels. “This way you can watch the magic happen!”

Looking in the mirror, you can already see some of the effects of the experimental solution. Your already tight shirt is beginning to ride up as your belly fills with the creamy liquid. But your pecs also look… bigger? You turn to the side and realize your thighs and ass are also ever so slightly thicker as well!

“Coach! I think this is making me… fatter? Is that supposed to happen?”

“Don’t worry about it, champ. It’s all part of the bulk, remember? Besides… I think we both know you like it.” Coach has that devious grin again, as he walks up and playfully pokes your jiggly belly.

“W-what… are you talking… about?” You stammer, completely flustered, the machine still pumping creamy mass gainer into you.

“Well… your teammates and I were talking about how it seems like whenever they tease you about how much of a fatboy you’re becoming… you always get hard. Don’t you?” Coach says, giving your dick a playful squeeze.

Mortified and bright red with embarrassment, you know there’s no way of denying this one…

“And… what if I were to tell you… I think it’s hot too? Seeing you turn into a lardass, that is.” Coach says in a low tone, giving your belly a hard smack and watching as it shakes in recoil. “Watching you put on weight over the past month… and seeing you struggle to keep up with the team at practice… I gotta say, bud, it really gets me going.” Coach pulls off his shirt and tosses it on the floor, revealing his hairy chest. “So, I’ll level with you. That tank right there? It’s not quite a normal mass gainer recipe. It’s mainly your standard heavy cream. With a few… additives… to make it work quicker.”

“I… it’s… what…” Everything is happening so fast, you can barely formulate a sentence. But it’s true, you do want this. And from Coach… it just makes it even more arousing.

“Shh… just enjoy it, big guy. Alright, I think that’s enough of the beginner setting. Let’s see you REALLY pack on some pounds!” Coach presses another button on the remote and you can feel the flow of cream intensify.

Part two is here.

[venomwrites]

I’d love to see a Caitvi fic that explores Vi’s trauma. Maybe her time in stillwater or the events of s2

Warnings: Season 2, Act 2 spoilers. Takes place pre-act 3. Mentions Stillwater trauma, panic attacks and injuries.

“I thought you might be here.”

The rasp of Caitlyn’s voice makes her insides twist, even though Vi clings desperately to the idea that it’s the least of what Caitlyn deserves. The Kiramman banners are hanging all around them like some sick joke. Vi knows she’s ripped these ones in particular down several times. She wants to do it again. 

She can’t stand seeing the Kiramman Crest dangling near Vander’s face. 

“Someone kept tearing down the banners here and setting them on fire,” Caitlyn continues. 

“Couldn’t take the hint then, can’t take it now,” Vi says, clinging to the dull ache of her anger to turn around. Caitlyn’s wrapped herself in a blanket to hide her face, “you forget your dictator cloak?”

Caitlyn immediately looks offended which is borderline funny, considering she looks more like a drowned rat than a dictator or even an Enforcer. She looks like a dumb Topsider. Like everything Vi wanted her to be these past months. Something in Vi curls in shame at the thought but she beats it back. This is how it is. 

“We need to get inside,” she says. 

“I’m good, thanks,” Vi retorts, turning back to the statute. 

She’d heard rumors of it when she was in Stillwater. People protected it, it was where you went after a long night so your friends could scrape you off the sidewalk. It was safe. If you found Vander, you were safe. The thought makes her throat burn as she tries to shove out the sound of that roar. 

She doesn’t even hear Caitlyn coming until her hand lands on her shoulder. 

When she twists to strike back Caitlyn’s other hand is there, easily blocking her. Anger ignites at the insulting ease of it. She doesn’t even fully think before she cracks her head into Caitlyn’s arrogant cheek. Whoever’s trained Caitlyn is good because she doesn’t reel back, she turns and twists and Vi has to sink to keep her feet on the ground. Her chest aches as it tears but she doesn’t give a shit. She’s had worse.

“Hey!” There’s a loud clap of a voice that makes them both freeze, “no fighting at Vander’s Statute!”

Caitlyn’s touch burns worse than her chest. Vi rips herself free and staggers back. The big hulking guy looks at her and his face contorts in confusion before it settles on a glare Vi would love to knock off. He folds his arms and waits to see what she’s going to do.

“Yeah we’re done,” Vi snarls.

“The rules—“

“I know the fucking rules! Fuck off!” 

“Melting bitch.”

Vi starts after him. Forget Caitlyn, forget the statute, it’s going to feel great to beat him until her knuckles split. And then beat the bag at home. Until she’s too exhausted to think straight and the ghosts can’t find her. It’ll be so fucking great. 

“Vi,” Caitlyn’s face swims in front of her like it always does when she’s about to make a good decision. 

“Move, fucking buzzkill,” she says, waiting for it to turn into someone else. 

Except Caitlyn doesn’t, she just clucks her tongue in a way that only actual Caitlyn manages to do. Vi realizes the guy is gone. It’s just her, Caitlyn and the stupid statute. There’s no fighting here but she can’t quite stop herself from jumping up, grabbing one of those stupid banners and yanking it down so it falls on top of Caitlyn’s stupid head. 

“That’s a great use of your time,” Caitlyn scolds, yanking the banner down, “you’re bleeding again.”

“Like I give a shit,” Vi snaps. 

“Well, I do,” Caitlyn says like it’s somehow easy to say that. Like that undoes the past months and all the shit that came before that.

“Well sucks to be you,” Vi snarls, “I’ve been down here for months. Wasn’t a problem for you then. So go back to the safe house or wherever you’re going and fuck off.”

Caitlyn doesn’t retort and Vi wishes she would. Vi knows how to fight. She’s good at fighting—at all of it. Including getting her ass kicked. She doesn’t want to be standing out here in the rain with Caitlyn and hear her sorry attempt at amends. She keeps staring at Vander’s statute and thinks abut his letter to Silco. About how things could have been so much different. 

Caitlyn is still there when she turns around. 

“Where’s the stupid safe house?”

She hates asking but her head is starting to swim. Caitlyn gives her a look and then turns. Thankfully not saying anything as she leads them down several alleyways. If it had been months ago Vi would have been mildly impressed. Now it just pisses her off. Caitlyn gets them indoors and discards her cloak as Vi tries to get her head to catch up with her feet. 

“You’re burning up,” Caitlyn mutters. 

“I’m fine,” Vi says, wishing her voice didn’t sound so breathless, “it’s just a cold—“ Caitlyn slaps her hand on the back of her forehead and fuck that feels good, “m’fine.”

Maybe if she’s agreeable Caitlyn will keep her perfect hand there. Just for a moment. But life’s not fair so it goes away leaving Vi reeling. A different hand presses against her chest and the ocean threatens to swallow her again. They’re going to hold her down, hold her against the chair—

“Vi,” Caitlyn’s face swims into view as the hand shifts to grip her shoulder, “we’re going to go to bed.”

“Don’t tempt me,” she says. 

Caitlyn rolls her eyes and Vi stays conscious just long enough to see the concern in them.

Next thing she knows, she wakes to the soft sound of sobbing. 

Vi pries an eye open to see Caitlyn sitting in the chair, face buried in her hands and shoulders shaking. She’s weeping in a way that feels like someone’s reached into Vi’s insides and knotted them. She tries to tell her to stop but her sandpaper mouth won’t let her form words. Just a thready sound that makes everything hurt worse.

“Vi?”

Well it’s fucking effective at least. 

Caitlyn ineffectively wipes her face and then one hand is under her neck and another is tipping water down her throat. She gently lays he head back and it makes that funny thing happen to Vi’s insides again. Caitlyn peers at her anxiously, which would be adorable if it wasn’t so fucking weird. Vi’s used to curling up in a dark hole when she’s sick, not having someone tipping water down her throat. 

The next time she opens her eyes she’s much clearer in the head. Caitlyn is by the table laying out things and jumps up when she sees Vi is awake. 

“That for me?”

“Yes, for your chest.”

Vi can’t stand the idea of laying down and makes her way over to where Caitlyn is standing.

Catilyn opens the bottle of antiseptic and it smells like safety. 

Caitlyn glances up at her and then immediately goes back to her chest. It stings like that shit always does but that’s a small price to pay. She barely hears Caitlyn mutter a swear with her still raspy throat, but it’s enough to make her glance down to see her eyes are full of tears. Again. 

“It’s not that bad,” Vi says, wishing she would stop, “this is nothing.”

Caitlyn drops the antiseptic like she’s been struck and gets up. 

“This is weird, even for you,” Vi says slowly, “Cupcake?” She tries. 

“I had to wave that bottle under your nose to get you to calm down,” Caitlyn says, “and I realized—“ she looks like she might be sick, “the infirmary was the only place that was safe for you.”

Vi’s mouth goes dry at the accusation and the truth. Caitlyn’s a crack shot and makes stupid choices and Vi’s been reminding herself how much she fucking sucks for the past few months. But Caitlyn figured out so much without even setting foot down here. She’s smart. In the same way Powder is, though Vi knows she’d get slapped by both of them for even thinking it. Smart in a way that Vi has never fully been able to comprehend. Though she’s got no problem comprehending how much she hates the look on Caitlyn’s face. 

“It’s in the past,” she says.

“Don’t—“

“Don’t what?” she demands, “talk about this with you? What do we have to say? You’re the one in charge here, you’ve got everything from Stillwater,” Caitlyn turns away. It’s a cold, awful feeling that Caitlyn probably now knows more about her time in Stillwater than even Vi does, “there’s nothing to talk about,” and because Caitlyn opens her mouth Vi throws in, “nothing to talk about with you.”

It’s not like it’s the first time she’s patched herself up. Sure as hell won’t be the last. But it’s easier to focus on this than Caitlyn’s beautiful, stupid face. It’s just the first wrap that’s the hardest. And the weird trouble she’s having focusing isn’t making it any easier. When hands touch the bandages she has to remember the smell of antiseptic to remind herself she’s safe. 

“Hold still,” Caitlyn says, “this will be faster if I do it.”

Vi wishes she wasn’t right. But she stands still as Caitlyn winds the bandages around her chest. She tries not to touch her but it’s bandages and skin. Every time her nails brush her, Vi feels pinpricks. Like getting tattooed all over again. She can’t even imagine what the state of her tattoo is. She starts when Caitlyn brings the bandages over her shoulder. 

“What are you—“

“They won’t stay otherwise,” she says and Vi wishes she didn’t have a point. 

Even though she’s angry, it doesn’t feel bad to have Caitlyn behind her wrapping her up. It feels so not-bad that she almost starts talking when she feels her pull away. It’s for the best, the farther Caitlyn is away the less it’ll hurt when this inevitably happens again. 

“Here,” Caitlyn appears in front of her with a handful of cloth.

“What’s this?”

“A shirt.”

“I’m good,” Vi says.

Even red eyed and snot nosed, Caitlyn manages to look prim and offended at her refusal. 

“You cannot walk around wearing bandages for a shirt.”

“No,” Vi says, clinging to the spark of anger Caitlyn is so fucking good at igniting in her chest “you can’t tell me what to do.”

“You’re being ridiculous. You cannot shoot down everything I say because I am the one saying it,” Caitlyn says hotly and Vi wishes she would shut off that brilliant brain of hers for five seconds and let her have the win, “just wear the stupid shirt!”

“Make me!”

“You sound like a child!” Caitlyn erupts and there’s something viciously triumphant about managing to piss her off finally. 

“Well you killed enough of them to know!” 

“And who helped me?!” 

The next thing Vi knows they’re both on the ground. She’s straddling Caitlyn with her stupid precious shirt balled in one fist and the other is buried into the wood next to Caitlyn’s eye. Of course there’s already drops of blood on Caitlyn’s cheek but Vi knows it’s her own. She can barely feel the burning of her chest wound anymore through the fire in her veins. 

“Do it!” Caitlyn barks.

Gods Vi wants to. Caitlyn wants her to. She deserves it, she fucking does. But that thing in Vi’s chest that sounds like Vander and his regrets is screaming. And she just—she fucking can’t. Angry horror paints Caitlyn’s face when she drops her shirt and suddenly Vi finds herself on her back, Caitlyn on top of her panting. She looks down at her limp hands and a strangled, frustrated noice that Vi’s never heard comes out. 

“Come on damn you! Do it!” 

Caitlyn’s desperation is more cutting than anything Vi could have imagined. In her mind, Caitlyn is always laughing and towering over her. Always just out of reach of any punch she might throw. And every fucking time she throws one and her fist hits air or someone else, she feels something sickeningly close to relief. No, relief is the word for it, it’s what she feels with her fist aching from the wood instead of Caitlyn’s soft skin. Caitlyn makes a wordless, wounded noise of disappointment and goes to shove off her. 

And Vi doesn’t let her. 

For a moment Caitlyn looks hopeful Vi’s going to hit her but then she realizes she’s just not going to let her go. Yeah Caitlyn’s got her fancy Noxian training but she has yet to learn the thing that saved Vi’s life more times than she’s proud to admit. Dead weight. Her ear rings when Caitlyn yells again and she has just enough in her to clap her hand over her mouth. 

“You’re going to get us both killed,” she mutters and that at least kind of shuts Caitlyn up. 

“Get off me,” Caitlyn spits. 

“Not until you calm down,” Vi snaps. Caitlyn bucks and tries to shift her off but it’s useless. Finally she stops struggling and just lays there panting, “there, was that so hard?”

“You’re unbelievable,” Caitlyn spits, pushing herself up. 

“I’m not the one who was just begging to get punched,” Vi counters. 

“How am I supposed to make this right if you won’t even punch me?” Caitlyn demands. 

“You’re asking me?” Vi demands incredulously. Caitlyn rolls her eyes and it might be the first funny thing Vi’s heard in a long time. She doesn’t fully mean to laugh but she can’t quite help herself at the idea of Caitlyn asking her for advice on making things right, “you might as well ask me for dinner party advice.” 

That gets at least a slight smile out of Caitlyn and for some reason, that makes her laugh harder. Vi knows it’s not that funny but it actually is. Tear-inducing funny, actually, if the wetness from her eyes is any indication. And the way she can’t quite catch her breath. 

“I mean, I couldn’t even make things right with Powder and that was like the one thing that kept me going,” she says, “Powder found me. After all that—can you believe it? Isn’t that just the funniest fucking—“ 

Actually it’s so funny she might be sick. 

She thought she was off the ocean. 

“Vi,” Caitlyn’s voice swims to her from somewhere far away. Her fingertips are more calloused now as they brush under her cheekbones. It’s a lifeline, though it’s probably going to cut her hands open. But she grabs it, feeling air back in her lungs as long as she follows the breathing she can feel, “that’s it, come on, another one.” The smell of the infirmary hits her nose, she’s safe. Right, she’s safe, “that’s it.”

When she’s aware again Caitlyn is crouched in front of her, one hand on her cheek and the other with the bottle of antiseptic shoved under her nose. Vi jerks back and Caitlyn lets her. Right, they’re in the safe house. And she’s managed to rip open her chest again. The red matches the hair she sees swimming in her gaze.

“What happened to my hair?” 

Caitlyn seems to sag with relief but bristles under her accusatory glare. 

“Did you—“

“No!” Caitlyn says, “you didn’t dye it properly. It washed out.”

“Shit,” is all she can think to say, “hey I ‘dyed it properly’, the stuff was just crap. Fucking bartering.”

“Why didn’t you wait until you had money to do it properly?”

The anger almost ignites but it’s a dull, angry spark instead of the inferno that’s comforted her. Of course Caitlyn would think she was changing her look because of some reason like that. Probably what everyone thought.

“Everyone was looking for a red headed Enforcer,” she says. Caitlyn stares at her, “did that not occur to you when you left me there?”

“No, God—“ Vi braces for more explanations and excuses. Maybe those will get the anger going and they can get back to rolling around on the floor, “I wasn’t thinking of anything,” Caitlyn looks queasy, “I was out of my mind.”

The anger’s not coming and the weariness is also back. It’s comfortable on the floor though, so she doesn’t try to move. Her fingers turn over the antiseptic bottle. It’s weird to think it’s the first time she’s ever held something that smells so comforting. It blows her mind to think how many bottles they probably went through. And even then wounds were underrated. 

“Not anymore.”

Shit, Vi realizes she must have said some of it aloud. She glances over at Caitlyn who is staring down at her hands. 

“What—“

“I ordered all prisoners to be treated promptly for everything,” she says and Vi can’t quite believe her ears, “I forbid anyone from using the bottom levels.”

The mention of them makes Vi’s breath catch. She focuses on the bottle, only the bottle and shoves those memories where they belong. She can usually keep herself out of the cell but she’s bad at keeping herself out of the hallway. And the jeering voices as she was dragged there over and over again. The idea of that corridor being silent is unfathomable. 

“You shut it down?” She says, not believing her ears, “why?”

“No-one belonged down there,” she says. Vi still finds it hard to wrap her head around what she’s saying, “Except Dr. Reveck.” 

The name makes Vi want to vomit. She doesn’t want to think about him or what he did to Vander. How Vander got from Vander to that—that thing. Because if she thinks about it, then she starts to feel like she’s going to cry. And she can’t fucking do that right now. 

“Good,” she says, scrubbing her face. She looks down at her chest, “can you—“

“Yes, yes of course.”

Caitlyn looks almost relieved at having something to do. Vi feels so spent, she knows she shouldn’t but she lets herself focus only on where Caitlyn’s hands brush her skin. Caitlyn’s too focused on what she’s doing anyway to notice. It feels—almost nice. Maybe she can just have this moment. Before she’s sure everything’s going to go to shit again. 

“Pass me the shirt,” she says finally. 

Caitlyn lets out a shaky breath and hands her the fabric. It was definitely cleaner however long ago that was, but it works. Of course it’s expensive, soft and feels nice against the skin. Vi wants to rally against it but it feels nice. And Caitlyn looks so fucking sad. So she just gives her a nod of thanks. 

“Let me see your throat.” 

Caitlyn’s head whips towards her. Vi rolls her eyes at the surprise on her face and motions when she opens her mouth. Caitlyn looks around as though struggling with the decision but ultimately relents. She walks over slowly and sits in font of her, reaching up and undoing the cravat band with a wince she thinks she hides. 

The bruises are spectacular, even by Vi’s standards. 

“Robo fingers did a number on you,” she says. Caitlyn shrugs as Vi gets up and over to the icebox. There’s little in there but there’s enough for her to toss some into a spare towel. She can see the objection on Caitlyn’s face.

“I’m—“

“It’ll make this all better,” she challenges.

Caitlyn goes red but takes the ice. Vi goes to the cabinets. 

“You’re going to use that a lot, aren’t you?” Caitlyn asks quietly. 

“Only when you’re being stupid,” Vi says. 

“I am—“

“I said being, not that you are,” she replies, “that’s what makes it so frustrating. Here.”

Caitlyn stares at the spoon of honey. Vi gives it a wiggle and Caitlyn huffs but takes it, putting the syrup into her mouth. Vi knows shit about taking care of people, but something feels not awful about Caitlyn sitting there with the spoon hanging out of her lips and the ice pack pressed to her neck. 

Despite everything she doesn’t want to see Caitlyn hurt. 

It’s an odd comfort but the truth of it seeps into her bones. Like a pulse. Like the thing Vander always used to say. Protect the family. Protect. For so long the only things Vi had to protect were herself and the hope that Powder was out there somewhere. Everything has gone upside down and then somehow back to that again and now to whatever this is. 

“The antiseptic thing was smart,” she says. She hears Caitlyn suck in a breath, “I don’t want to fight right now,” she looks around, “I’m—I’m going to Vander’s statue again.”

The air feels nice as she climbs up. It’s not raining anymore, just overcast. It’s almost nice. Vi hesitates for a moment and then realizes she’s waiting to hear if the door is going to open behind her. It’s so stupid. She shoves her hands into her pockets and glances around for landmarks before heading back out. Waiting was so stupid. 

Though not nearly as stupid as the relief she feels when she hears Caitlyn’s stumbling feet. 

“You still navigate this place like a Topsider.” 

“Shut up. It’s the blanket.” 

Vi can’t help the snort at the threadbare blanket Caitlyn’s using as a cloak. There’s a twitch of Caitlyn’s lips in response before she shakes her head and tightens the knot. It’d be safer for her to be back in the safe house. Or for Vi to be there with her. 

But they press on anyway and somehow, Vi thinks, the road ahead seems less daunting then it did a moment ago. 

The statute is harder to see in the daylight. But Vi forces herself to look. It’s hard to think that Vander is laying twisted somewhere far away. It makes this statute feel wrong somehow. And also right. Vi doesn’t understand if this is how she is supposed to remember him or should it be the beast below who recognized her. Who turned into that snarling, lava thing that roared and screamed and makes her head spin to think about it. 

The ripping sounds draws her attention. 

There would be something funny about this situation if it wasn’t so weird. Caitlyn doesn’t need to jump nearly as high to get the banner and rip it down. Vi watches as she yanks it down and balls it up. Now it looks like Vander is just tilting his head up, not looking at Caitlyn’s banner. 

“Thanks,” Vi says. Caitlyn nods, “they’re not as bad—“

“They’re horrible,” Caitlyn says, “I didn’t want them,” she elaborate, something mournful in her tone. 

“We’ll get them down,” Vi says. 

Caitlyn looks at her with surprise and Vi shrugs. Sure it might make more sense to keep lines drawn. But it’s one of the first things she’s said that she doesn’t want to immediately take back. Caitlyn opens her mouth and then closes it, nodding before Vi can prod an answer out of her. 

“Thank you.” 

“Don’t—“

Vi shuts up when she realizes it wasn’t her Caitlyn was talking to. She has no idea where Caitlyn got a candle from. Vi thinks for a moment that seeing fire near him is going to cripple her, but it doesn’t. It’s not the fire he died in. It’s like the fire he used to light their home. Or his pipe. No-one around here knows what happened except them. She watches as Caitlyn lights the candle and puts it near his feet, stepping back and lowering her head. 

Because Caitlyn met him. 

The realization brings her to the ground. All the shit that happened and the second Vi said she was there to protect her dad, Caitlyn was on board. When Caitlyn got those bruises she was protecting her dad. They met and somehow that means more to Vi than she can put into words. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean—“

“No,” she cuts her off and tries to wipe her face away, “it’s nice. It’s—“ she doesn’t know how to say what she wants, “at least you got to meet him.”

“I’m so glad I did,” Caitlyn says and the sincerity in her voice unlocks something deep and yawning in her chest. 

“He wasn’t a monster.”

“I know,” Caitlyn assures her.

“They’re going to find him and think--“ she gasps, “Cait—“

“It’s alright,” Caitlyn’s voice is steady as she touches her face, “we’ll find him first.”

“But—“

“We’ll go back,” she says, “I’ll send out search parties and we’ll find him.”

“It’s too late—“ Vi starts, shaking her head. 

Something hardens across Caitlyn’s face and before Vi can stop her she shoves back her hood, sticks her fingers in her lip and lets out the loudest whistle Vi’s ever heard. Immediately two Enforcers are running at them and practically trip over themselves at the sight. 

“General Kiramman!” They both immediately salute. 

“We need immediate transportation topside,” she says, blocking Vi from them as she tries to scrape together something resembling control.

“Yes, General.”

“And assemble two garrisons for immediate dispatch,” she glances around, “and see these banners are removed from this square.”

There’s more Enforcers coming. Caitlyn can’t hide her forever. Vi looks up at Vander and his hope and the candle Caitlyn’s left. She finds her feet and steps besides Caitlyn. The confused look the Enforces give shouldn’t bug her nearly as much as it does. 

“General? What about her?”

“I’m with her,” Vi says.

Caitlyn stares at her for a moment and things seem to go soft and quiet. Again, Vi finds the words easier to say than she expects. They feel right. Even though she’s got snot coming out of her nose and Caitlyn is standing there making a blanket look like a fashion statement. Caitlyn ducks her head and then her eyes narrow. 

“What are you all staring at? You have your orders! Let’s move!”

So Vi lifts one foot and, with Caitlyn by her side, she moves. 

[cosyvelvetorchid]

Not quite sure how to go beyond the setup for this. Probably Buck 1.0 era, maybe later. Could really use more actual dialog.

Buck, Hen and Chimney are out drinking, Bucks been getting hit in a lot at calls as usual but it’s really ramped up. Somehow Buck decides he’s a little bit bored by the chase, they’ve had a few drinks, Chimney jokingly, mostly, bets Buck he can’t get a guys number. Always up for the challenge, Buck accepts. chimney spots a familiar face and decided to double his entertainment and ups the ante that he gets to pick the guy. Jokes on him - he doesn’t know Tommy is gay, Hen does. Hen just stifles a laugh and watched the 2 fools.

Basically Buck starts off just looking to win a bet but ends up leaving in Tommy’s arm, blowing kisses at Chimney and Hen, and Chimney spilling his beer all over himself.

Sorry for the delay in getting to this. Thanks for sending it 🩶

***

Buck gave a polite smile to the tall redhead. “Thank you, uh.. but I’m not, uh, I’m not dating right now “

“You break a girls heart.” She replied, jutting out her bottom lip for effect.

“Sorry. Nice to meet you.” He nodded and made his way back to the table where Chimney and Hen were waiting.

“Are you sick?” Hen asked, placing the back of her hand to Bucks forehead.

“What? No. Why?” He gently swatted her hand away.

“Because that’s the 4th woman who’s hit on you tonight that you’ve turned down.” She told him. He sighed.

“I know, it’s just.. I dunno. I’m just bored of the chase I guess. I mean, it’s the same game every-time: we talk, I make a joke, she smiles, we both laugh, our shoulders touch, there’s a moment, I lean in a little closer, she doesn’t resist.. one drink, two compliments later and we end up in bed together having totally meaningless sex.” Buck complained, to which Chim couldn’t understand.

“Yeah that sounds awful.” He replied.

“I’m just saying I want, I need, something different. To get off the hamster wheel, ya know.”

“You could always date a guy.” Chimney suggested. Buck looked at him with a raised brow. “Well you said you wanted something different.”

“I love women. I’ve always loved women.” Buck told him.

“True. Plus you couldn’t get a guys number anyway.” Chim said sipping his beer.

“Uh, I could get anyone’s number.” Buck argued if a little arrogantly. But he absolutely could be charming as hell when he wanted to be, and he had had plenty of men hit on him over the years.

“Wanna make that a bet, Buckeroo!” Chim asked.

“What’s the bet?”

“You get a guys number. I’ll do your hose maintenance checks for a month.” He said.

Buck scoffed. “Easy.”

Chimney caught sight of a familiar face stood at the bar and smirked, deciding to make it more interesting. “But I get to pick the guy.”

Buck raised an eyebrow again. “Who do you have in mind?”

“That guy.” He pointed with his beer bottle to the tall, muscular man at the bar. Buck looked over the the man with deep cleft in his chin. There was something about a cleft that always intrigued him. Sometimes he found himself wondering what it would feel like to put his pinky into one.

“Alright. Prepare for boring hose maintenance, Chim.” He downed the last of his bottle and walked over to the bar.

“Chim?” Hen questioned

“Yeah?” He answered watching Buck walk across the bar.

“Why did you pick Tommy?”

“Because he’s the straightest man in the room. No way Buck will get his number.” He laughed. Hen looked at him with incredulity. “What?” Hen opened her mouth to speak but thought against it.

What Chimney didn’t know was that just before Tommy had left the 118 he’d come out to her. She decided not to say anything to Chim because she didn’t know if Tommys sexuality was public knowledge yet and didn’t want to out him to anybody else, even if it was her best friend.

“Nothing.” She replied, leaning back in her seat to watch Buck.

Buck found his heart rate increasing as he got closer to the man. He stood next to him, eyeing the bottle he had in his hand trying to think of an opener.

“Hey, uh.. what’s that beer like?”

The man’s eyes met Bucks and blinked in surprise for a moment at the dirty blonde in front of him.

“You thinking of changing things up?” He asked.

“I mean I’m happy with what I usually drink, but, I want to keep my options fluid. Have some fun .”

Tommy laughed. “You need to raise your bar, kid.” He smiled and Buck found his stomach doing a weird swoop thing. He dipped his head and looked up at the man. Tommy couldn’t help but smile at the adorable man in front of him.

The man’s smile was soft and honest and Buck felt a surge of guilt. He felt like he was tricking the guy and that wasn’t fair on him.

“Okay, full disclosure, this is my first time flirting with a guy. Don’t look, but my friend Chimney bet me that I couldn’t get a man’s number.” Buck admitted. A look of familiarity came across Tommys face.

“Chimney? You mean Howie?”

“Yeah! Wait you know him?” Buck asked in surprise.

“Know him? He saved my life.” Bucks eyebrows raised in surprise and Tommy explained. “Back when I was at the 118. Big methane leak. He carried me out of the building.”

“Wait, I remember him telling that story.” Buck said remembering.

“Tommy, by the way.” He held out his hand.

“Evan.” Buck shook his hand and held longer than he usually would. Tommy looked down at their joined hands then back up to Buck who blushed and released his grip.

“So, Evan. I think you’ve been had.” Buck looked confused. “I’m gay.” He said plainly.

“Oh.” Buck, for an unidentifiable reason, felt a feeling of relief at hearing that.

“Is that a problem?” Tommy asked.

“What? No! I-I’m an ally. Every year I put a rainbow on my instagram.” He said excitedly.

“Good to know.” Tommy said. “So what do you get if you win the bet?”

“Chim does my hose maintenance checks for a month.”

“Interesting.” Tommy responded before finishing the last of his beer. “Well, Evan. If we’re giving full disclosure - I think you’re adorable. So I’m going to help you win the bet.” Buck found he had to make a little more effort to breath.

“Yeah?”

“Is Howie watching you?” He asked keeping his face towards the bar. Buck subtly looked across at Hen and Chim.

“Yeah. They’re still watching.”

“Good. Hand me your phone.” Buck pulled his phone from his pocket and unlocked it, handing it to Tommy.

“I am going to put my number in your phone. Then, just to mess with him, you’re going to take my arm and walk out of the bar with me. That okay?” He said handing Buck his phone back. Buck felt a whoosh of butterflies come alive in his stomach.

“Y-yeah. That’s o-okay.”

“Good.” Tommy replied taking a step away from the bar. “You ready?” He asked and Buck nodded. He slid his arm around Tommy’s, turning his head to meet the eyes of Hen and Chim. For extra measure he winked and blew them a kiss. Hen had a knowing smile on her face while Chims mouth was agape having no idea how the hell Buck had managed to win the bet.

Ten minutes later Bucks entire world was being flipped upside down by Tommy’s tongue grazing softly along his own as Tommy had him pressed against the door of his car.

[stardew-shitposterino]

The Bachelors and how they’d react if you asked them to start a family

Same old same old. This post is inspired by @babiebom 's post about the bachelor/ettes and how many kids they’d have :3 I’m not really a person who is too keen on children and being a housewife, but I can’t deny that the thought of a picture perfect family does warm my heart, girlies. Enjoy 💅🏻🍼

Some answers are gender specific. I hope to anyone playing the game as a same sex couple that you can look past that 🙏🏻

Sam:

-he’d be boots the house down in total shock

-don’t get it twisted, he is ecstatic, but damn he didn’t expect it to be this soon

-of course he is excited about every life stage of his potential little ones, but he can’t wait to have someone he can teach how to skate

-„really? A-and you’re not joking or anything? RAD!“

-maybe he is a bit too excited as he‘s definitely ripping his pants off his body as soon as the message sunk in

-„Oh you didn’t mean we should start it right now? Sorry my bad 😅“

Sebastian:

-he is happy but can’t really show it

-anxiety is kicking hard rn

-it’s not that he doesn’t want this, but he has so many worries, after all he had lived through himself

-he definitely needs some time to think about this

-„Y/N, I’d really love to have this with you one day, but please give me time to adjust to this. It’s a lot for me to process.“

-he will eventually open up about it and you agree on not rushing things. If you’re an opposite sex couple, you agree on starting a family once you’re pregnant. No planning, just living and if it happens, it happens (it probably happened after like 2 months after you had the talk lol)

Elliott:

-„Heavens, Love! What wonderful news. I’ve been waiting for this moment. This will be the start of our legacy!“ (excuse me bruuuhh this is how I imagine him talk lol)

-he had heart-shaped eyes if you haven’t noticed

-as much as he loves the romance and allure of being a childless couple with a world to their feet, he can’t kick the idea of being a wholesome dad raising a curious child with his wonderful partner

-he emphasises on not rushing things as he doesn’t want you to feel pressure. He knows how stressful your job is so he doesn’t want you to feel overwhelmed though you proposed that idea first

-you can bet your ass you went to bed after that talk 👀 WHO SAID THAT 🤨

Harvey:

-he is a blushy mess thank you and amen

-he‘s so anxious but also so excited

-no way you actually proposed this to him. He actually accepted his fate as a childless bachelor

-but here he is, finally getting the happy little family he always wanted

-but it isn’t smooth sailing with him, oh no. You can bet your ass he has to calculate everything through before he feels comfortable enough starting to bring this wish to reality

-you know, you earn a shit ton of money but he is anxious ok. He needs to KNOW the child won’t end up homeless with nothing to wear once it’s here

-“Oh this is all so new and, I-I don’t even know how to say it without it sounding wrong. I just can’t grasp that this is happening. Pinch me so I know I’m not dreaming”

-you didn’t sleep with each other that day but a make-out sess was in it. A wholesome one to say the least. This man is wholesome in my books 📕

Shane:

-the only thing missing here is that he fainted and fell to the floor after you popped the question

-say WHAT NOW?!

-no way. He probably heard it wrong. You didn’t just ask HIM to have YOUR children… no wait the other way around. This is what that question did to his brain lol

-or generally having kids together. He isn’t opposed to adopting because he fears the kids will inherit his messed up brain so taking in kids that are in need of a nice, welcoming home doesn’t sound bad either

-but no wait wait back to the topic; he’s a MESS

-he always wanted children and a family in general, the very boring ass white picket fence fantasy is what he longed for but kind of accepted that it’s something he cannot have. Well guess what…HE CAN

-“wait…did you- and you mean with me? Or is there someone else I should know about? Ok sorry bad joke. But you mean it?! Really? A little sibling for Jas🥹”

-just know this burly man started crying a river of joy tears. But once the tears dried and it kicked in 👀

-“ok if we want this to work out we gotta get to business 😎”

Alex:

-like Shane, he waited for this moment

-just he isn’t anxious like some of the others, he straight up jumps for joy lol

-“BABE NO WAY! I’ve been waiting for this!”

-he is a happy crier tho. Expect him to cry a little but in a good way

-but also expect him to propose the question of having a lot more kids in the future. He wants a football team of kids. But the amount is still negotiable of course (you gave him the “spouse stare” which made him go down a notch lol)

- he will babble about what gender the first kid might be, what he’d do with them depending on it and how he’d get them the smallest grid ball jerseys you’ll ever see because “LOOK THEY ARE SO TINY”

-like some of the others, he might be a bit too eager to start the baby project. Even if you can’t conceive yourself, he will live out that fantasy. You prepared yourself for this because it was very much predictable lol

[softshrimpy]

How To Woo A Hot Principal

Chapter 1/?: Step 1- Shameless Flirting

Summary: Working at the weathervane was exactly what you needed. The routine, the people, your co-worked. It certainly helped that a certain tall, blonde, fucking gorgeous woman happened to frequent the cafe. Now some may call hopelessly flirting with your customers inappropriate behavior.

But truly, when it came it Larissa Weems, who could blame you?

I’m just in love with Larissa Weems and a silly bitch. I hope you enjoy ✨🦐

Chapter 2

Cross posted to AO3 Here

HTWAHP Masterlist

——————————————————————————

“Just because I like older women does not mean I’m a homewrecker.”

“Huh, interesting.”

“You’re telling me you’ve known me for three months now and this whole time you thought I was out here waiting to ruin a marriage?”

“In my defence-“

“I can’t believe this, I thought we were friends Kingston. Now I have to rethink everything.” You sighed, dramatically.

“You’re the most dramatic person I’ve ever met.” He chuckles.

You slap him with your cloth, scoffing at his comment before going back to cleaning the coffee machine.

You had been in Jericho for a total of three and a half months. It was a quaint little town, a bit hyper-focused on their pilgrim ancestry but not the worst small town you’d experienced. You had been working at the Weathervane since you’d arrived, enjoying the routine it provided and the socializing. That was where you had met James Kingston (A British man disguised as a regular person in your professional opinion. I mean what kind of name is James Kingston anyway?). The two of you had become fast friends, partly due to the work you did and partly because he found you hilarious and you found him tolerable. (this is a lie, you love him dearly.)

Working as a barista meant you got to know most of the residents of Jericho quite quickly. Some you found infinitely more interesting than others.

“Oh look its your lady crush.” James comments, wheezing when you whip around from what you were doing to stare out the window.

“Shut up, I just- I respect a woman in power that’s all.”

“Oh I’m sure its all respect in that filthy brain of yours when you think of her.”

“Fuck off.” You laughed, hurrying to the register when you saw her coming through the door.

“Good morning miss Weems.” You greeted, doing your best to shut your heart up and give her a relatively normal smile.

“How many times have I told you to call me Larissa darling.” She smiles, much to the chagrin of your heart-calming plans.

“She’s a bit slow this one.” James jokes, earning him a swift kick on the shin.

“Your usual, Larissa?” You ask.

She nods, chuckling at the two of you before moving to sit at one of the booths. Larissa came around often enough, usually in the mornings, you assumed before the academy day officially started. Sometimes she’d come around after dropping one of the students at Dr Kinbotts. You lived for the times she stopped by, almost always kicking James off the register if he was stationed there just to talk to her. So yes, you had a massive crush on the woman. But honestly? Who could blame you? She was a goddess among you mere mortals and you were simply relishing in her heavenly presence when you could.

Christ, you were a useless gay.

You finished making her usual, quickly doodling a small flower next to her name before taking it to her. You place it down on the table with a flourish, bowing dramatically.

“Your coffee my fair lady.”

She chuckles, shaking her head at your antics before standing, coffee in hand.

“Thank you, y/n. You always make my mornings delightful.” She hums, squeezing your arm as she leaves.

You watch as she goes, a dreamy smile on your face, before proudly strutting back behind the counter. James giggles at you earning him yet another smack with the towel.

The rest of your day is pretty mundane. Dr Kinbott stops by at around 12 for her usual. The sheriff comes around and gets an Americano to go (You suspect he’s actually just checking on Tyler.) Throughout the day you’re giddy thanks to Larissa. You often find yourself daydreaming about what it would be like to see her more often. You think perhaps you might actually implode if she were to ever have more than a two-minute conversation with you. You finish up the day with Tyler, letting him leave before closing up. All in all, a regular day in Jericho.

You were working your regular Saturday shift when Larissa arrived, looking rather upset. She placed her order and sat down at a booth, pulling out her laptop and getting to work. You made sure to put a little extra sugar in her coffee and grabbed one of the choc chip cookies before bringing it to her. You placed it down on her table, earning a mumbled thanks as she picked up the coffee. It took her a moment to notice the cookie, but when she did she glanced up at you questioningly.

“It’s on the house. You look like you’re having a shitty day so I thought you could use a little something to make your day a bit better.” You smiled, clasping your hands behind your back.

“You really are too kind to me,” she mumbled, taking a sip of her coffee.

“Pffft, Nah. You deserve it.” You brushed her off. You took a moment before speaking again. “I know we don’t know each other that well but uh if you want to talk I’m here. And I can give brilliant commentary, no advice though, I’d probably encourage murder or something equally illegal.”

She laughs, covering her mouth with her hand. You think her laugh might be one of your favourite sounds.

“That’s very sweet, but aren’t you busy with your work?” she asks.

At that, you throw your apron off and over your shoulder and sit down across from her.

“Galpin’s pretty competent, plus he owes me one anyway. So spill.”

She considers you for a moment, before heaving a sigh.

“The academy is receiving a new student next week.” She starts. “Which under usual circumstances would be fantastic, however, this student happens to be the daughter of… an ex-paramour of mine.” She mumbles, almost drawing in on herself.

“Did they do something awful that made you break up with them?” you ask.

“No actually, uh she broke up with me…for the man that is now her husband.”

You stare at her for a moment, mouth agape.

“You’re telling me someone chose to walk away from you? But you’re- I mean you’re gorgeous and smart and- was she blind?? Was she dumb?? I mean obviously, she was but… what.”

She chuckles at your outburst, cheeks flushing slightly.

“Yes, well, they seem very happy together. And I’m sure she’ll rub that in my face in some offhand way. And she’ll make jokes about me marrying my job because ‘no one else would want me’ which I-I mean it’s not- that’s not why I’m so devoted to the school!”

“She sounds like a bitch.” You comment, “I can throw hot coffee at her if that’ll make you feel better?”

“You’re very sweet but that’s assault darling.”

“I’d literally kill a man for you no questions asked, assault is nothing.”

She chuckles, swatting at your arm before sighing again and dropping her head into her hands.

“Well, look, I don’t know who your ex is, the stupid bitch, but you have become a talented, successful, absolutely gorgeous woman. So, no matter what happened between you or what she does whenever you see her, know that she’s just a jealous, silly old hag who could never be half as brilliant as you are.”

She stares at you at that, her eyes bright. You wait for her to say something, feeling yourself get more nervous the longer she stays silent. You play with your fingers, thinking perhaps you went too far and have now fucked any and all chances of having even a friendship with this gorgeous woman.

You stand up, pull your apron back on and do your best not to overthink every word you’ve said.

“Uhm, sorry, have-have a great day Larissa.” You mumble turning to walk away.

Suddenly she grabs your wrist, stopping you and turning you around. She stands up, towering over you. She looks down at you, a dazzling smile on her face. And then, by the gods, she bends down and presses a kiss to your cheek, and hot fucking damn you almost spontaneously combust on the spot. You stare up at her, awestruck and definitely blushing madly.

“Thank you, y/n” she smiles. “I don’t know what I would do without you.”

And with that, she squeezes your wrist, giving you a dazzling smile and leasing the coffee shop. You watch after her like a lovesick puppy, heart racing.

You’re absolutely whipped for this woman.

Larissa didn’t come around for the next few days. But you knew she was a busy woman, she had things to do. You definitely weren’t considering changing your name and fleeing the country thinking she now didn’t want to see your face again after what you said and her thanking you was just because she felt awkward. Definitely not.

You found yourself glancing out the window every five minutes or perking up whenever the bell above the door would ring, only to deflate when it wasn’t Larissa walking in. You were busy wiping down one of the tables when James appeared at your side.

“My bestie in Christ, you know I love you, but you currently look like an abandoned puppy.”

“I do not,” you scoff.

“Sure, sure... Oh hey, Larissa!”

You whip around faster than you’ve ever moved in your life, coming face to face with an empty doorway. You scowl as you hear James wheeze next to you.

“Don’t forget we work with hot coffee. And accidents happen, Kingston.”

He laughs at your threat, patting your shoulder as he heads back to the counter. You continue working for a while before James pipes up again.

“Oh damn. Good morning miss Weems.”

“That’s it, give me the boiling water I’m giving you the wicked witch of the west treatment.”

“Now why would you be burning your friend at the mention of my name?” a velvet voice speaks from behind you.

You spin around on the spot, gaping at the woman behind you. There she stands, all tall and gorgeous and dreamy. You feel yourself blushing as you try to stand straighter and lean on the table you were cleaning. Unfortunately, you did such a great job that you slip and all but fall on your ass. You’re tempted once again to throw boiling water on James as he cackles at you. Larissa, the kind goddess she is, rushes over and offers you a hand.

When she pulls you up you realize you greatly underestimated how close she would be as you’re now toe to toe with her, staring up at her, cheeks aflame. She smiles down at you, her hand still holding yours as her other arm settles on your waist. You’re barely breathing at this point and then she has the audacity to flash you the cutest smile.

You take your chance to take her in up close, knowing you’ll probably never get this close to the goddess ever again. You notice the crow’s feet at the edge of her eyes and the slight bags under them she tried to hide with makeup. You also notice she smells absolutely fucking divine, you can’t quite pinpoint what it is but it suits her so well. You know you’re staring and you should stop, but you can’t help it.

“You should be more careful, sweetheart.” She murmurs, her eyes sparkling. “I wouldn’t want my favourite barista getting hurt.”

You’re still gaping at her, your brain turned to mush at the way she spoke, low and velvety. You open your mouth to speak but can’t seem to find anything clever to say, for once. Something she takes full advantage of.

“What’s wrong darling? Cat got your tongue?” she whispers, and oh god is she getting closer? She looks closer.

You’re startled back into the waking world when James accidentally drops something, the loud clanging making you jump back from the woman in front of you, heart racing and body flushed. Larissa drops her hands from their hold on you, stepping back slightly. You internally whimper at the loss of her touch and then immediately internally scold yourself for being so uselessly gay.

“So uh, how-how has everything been? I haven’t uh seen you around lately.” You commented, sliding behind the counter and getting started on her drink.

“It’s certainly been an eventful few days, to say the least.“ she sighed, leaning onto the counter.

“Well, you were dearly missed at our humble café.” You remark, placing her drink in front of her.

She chuckles at that taking a sip of her drink before letting out a relaxed sigh.

“God I could’ve used this yesterday.”

“The drink or my riveting conversation?” you joke.

“Perhaps both.” She hums.

“Well, I mean we could always deliver to your office on the days you can’t get here.” James offers, grinning at you.

“Oh no, I wouldn’t want to cause any trouble-” Larissa starts.

“It wouldn’t be any trouble at all. Isn’t that right?” he comments elbowing you suggestively.

“Oh! No of course it would- I would be honoured- I mean it would be my pleasure Larissa really.” You manage, giddy at the prospect of delivering her coffee every day.

“Really you don’t have to go through any extra fuss for me we have coffee at Nevermore so I-“

“You’re worth the fuss though.” You say, and then immediately want to shoot yourself for speaking aloud.

Silence falls between the three of you, Larissa looking shocked, James at a loss and you mentally preparing what to put on your tombstone. It’s a while before Larissa speaks.

“Well, when you put it like that how can I say no hm?”

“So, I get to deliver you coffee every day?” you grin, tapping the counter a few times in excitement.

“If that’s what you want, sweetheart. You can bring it to my office, I’ll expect you before nine.” She hums, turning to leave.

“Yes ma’am! I won’t let you down” you respond, giving her a mock salute.

She chuckles, waving at you and waits a fucking second did she just fucking wink at you?? Oh, Jesus on skates your life just keeps getting better and better. As soon as she’s outside and gone from view you all but squeal, throwing yourself at James.

[starsofjewels]

hello idk if you're requests are currently open right now, but could you possibly do another gregor c fic or one shot???(maybe one were he and reader have children or something idk i just need more gregor, especially from you!!!)

Haunted Keeps and Squirrel Bones

Gregor Clegane x Lady Clegane! Reader (feat. the Clegane boys)

CONTENT: Language, possible HOTD spoliers (regarding Aemond), mentions of hunting animals + animal bones, ghosts, a medieval man's interpretation of the menstrual cycle, Greggie C is his own warning.

Word count: 3.1k

(If you want to consider this a Part 2/ Epilogue to Yellow Wedding, by all means do. But if you're good I'll write a delicious size kink fic for Smuttober. Only if you're good.)_

· · ────── ·𖥸· ────── · ·

I actually had this written and ready about a week ago, but we can pretend it's fresh for you...

Hello beautiful, gorgeous, god-given anon,

yes, my requests are 100% open, request as much as you like! (but check my request condition page first please :))

Thank you so much for giving me an anon post to attach this fic to, so I look like a very good, very proper writer with many, many followers. Here's to more Greggie C requests.

· · ────── ·𖥸· ────── · ·

CONTEXT- In my little fantasy land, Lady Clegane and Gregor have three sons together- Ronan (approx 6/7), Finnegan 'Finny' (approx 5/6) and Baby (a baby, go figure). Ronan likes making the kitchen cats race each other, and Finny likes stories about old battles. Yes, they are both shockingly normal for having Greggie C as a father. Someone let me know if they want more about Ronan and Finny. :)

Your life is sweet, and comfortable. The world of a lady with no particular noble standing, and an infamous husband. You have no expectations in the court, to the Lannisters, or to anyone but yourself and the town you control whilst Gregor is away. 

Clegane Keep is merely a small patch of land in the Westerlands, or in Westeros at all. In the grand, vast world of your Kingdom and your country, it is nothing. And yet it thrives like no other. The food is plentiful, the children run wild in the streets, and your little town’s only downfall is that it is constantly steeped in the hushed stories of Gregor’s violence. Everyone knows someone who their ruling lord has murdered in cold blood, and yet none of them say anything. The Mountain is a fearsome guard dog, enough to ward off any potential threat from the surrounding areas. 

You are watching your boys play when he tells you, splashing each other with water from the troughs. It is hardly clean, you think, but they are having fun, and so you shan’t complain. You are sitting on the other side of the field with their lunch, and their baby brother in your arms, most comfortable with the arrangement. 

Gregor sits beside you, helping himself to the picnic, no matter how much you slap his hands away. If it weren’t for his enormous size, and the jewels around your neck and fingers, you could pass for any common family, enjoying a sunny day. 

“I’ve been called up again.”

Something inside of you sighs, knowing precisely what this means. Another fortnight, more months of waiting up each night for a man you know may not return. Not that you suspect he wouldn’t, Gregor has often joked that he would beat the Stranger when He came for him. And you do not doubt his words. So, you school your face, and respond as neutrally as you can,

“Where to?”

“Harrenhal.”

That makes you turn your head, unable to hide your displeasure at the mention of the place. Every child in Westeros has heard of Harrenhal, and its spirits. It is the place where riches turn to ruin, jewels to mud, and princes to skeletons. Daemon, Aemond, Rhaegar, a Martell, the list of princes who call the area around that haunted keep their gravesite is almost insurmountable. Their ghosts haunt it alongside those of the vengeant Children of the Forest since an ironborn king had made it his pleasure to cut sacred forest. The largest castle in Westeros, and the one place you think even your Mountain may be powerless. After all, there is nothing that can withstand death, or the dead. Not even the mountains.

“Absolutely not.”

Gregor lets out a huff, probably expecting your initial refusal. He lifts up the jewels from your neck, inspecting them in the sunlight,

“He’s offering double the last time, and there’s enough space you can come with the littluns, if you wanted to…”

One of your sons topples over the other one, causing both to fall to the ground. You can hear their laughter from across the field.

“Why in Seven Hells would I want to bring the children to a pile of haunted stones?”

His big hands find their way to your hips, pulling you closer to him, the baby in your arms squalls slightly at the movement,

“It’ll toughen them up, seeing a ghost or two. Besides, can’t live without my sweet wife’s cunny, can I?”

The noise that comes from you is halfway between a scoff and a laugh.

“What, you mean showing me off to all of your men, and the ghosts?”

“Aye, and the ghosts.”

You sigh, and lean back, staring up at the bright sky. It seems more and more likely that you will be attending the haunted keep. Gregor usually manages to get his way somehow.

“Fine.” 

Your husband looks mildly surprised that you’ve agreed so quickly.

“Fine, but the moment anything slightly ghostly happens I am taking the boys up to my father’s halls.”

He had forgotten you were from the Riverlands originally, that the keep you grew up in sat upon the Blue Fork. You were right, of course, your father’s castle was no more than a day or two away from Harrenhal, by boat and horse.

“Whatever.” He was never going to give you a proper response. He reaches for more of the sliced gammon, and you smack his hand, nothing more than a tap on your husband’s great stature.

“You should take them up to see your mam when we get there.” Gregor leans down to face his infant son, patting the boy’s head, “hasn’t seen the baby yet, has she?”

“Or she could come down to us, if she wanted.”

“Aye, that too.”

The keep is colder and wetter and darker than any book or song could describe it as. The place feels haunted, even without any of the gossip. Things move themselves in the night, shifting just noticeably, the wind howls through gaps in its ruined stones. There is no warmth or comfort in this cold, black place, even despite the fires lit in nearly every corner. You are shoved, unceremoniously, into one area of the keep. The boys are given toys and books to keep themselves entertained, but they are not much in the mood for playing, too used to the bright days down in the Westerlands. Even the baby, with no responsibilities other than to exist, is unsettled, he refuses to sleep, or play, or laugh. You have only the amount of milk he guzzles down, and the fat tears which roll down his face, to convince you that he is still your son. But the money is already coming through, and already it is more than you have ever seen. So you must find ways to entertain yourself, and your sons.

The town is as depressing as the keep. Harrentown has never been known for much excitement, even the whores look grey-faced, not even pretending to appear young and vibrant like their southern counterparts. 

Ronan is jumping in the lake, trying to scare the little fish that stay by the shallow end. You doubt he will freeze, with how hot his blood runs, a gift from his father’s line.

“Mummy- Mummy, you’re not listening!” Finny sits beside you, flicking through a book on the area’s history. He does not understand most of the words, but he knows enough to make his way through it. 

“Mummy- They pulled the sword out of his face, and they got the dragon out too- But they threw him back!”

You nod, slightly, the story of Aemond One-Eye has been an obsession of both your boys since you gave him that book. Ronan has heard the discussion from the sea line, you know this as he sneaks up to you, with a look upon his face that you can tell means he is going to ask for some wild favour.

“Mummy? Can we go and look for Aemond One-Eye’s bones?”

Your brow furrows, and you stare in mild confusion. They have looked for squirrels and rabbits in traps, and spent days stalking out small birds around their home, but a full, human, skeleton has never much been on their register.

“Ronan, why would you want to look for bones?”

“Sell them.”

You glance from boy to boy. Finny, who you consider your more sensible child, has jumped up, leaving his book at an illustration of Daemon Targaryen striking his nephew from the sky, and you know you have been defeated.

“Aye, alright. But no going in the water, and stay where I can see you.”

Ronan grabs his brother’s hands, pulling him away from you, you watch them start to leave,

“And I get a cut of any money you make, seeing as I’m letting you search.”

“... That’s fair.”

Once again, you are left alone with the baby, on the shores of the Gods Eye. You can see them jump over the hills and dig through the sand, and you are certain at one point you watch Finny put a fistful of sandy dirt into his mouth. You don’t think you will mention that. 

They come back to you, squeaking and screaming, Ronan grasping something you hope is not a human bone, Targaryen or not.

It is covered in dirt and sand, and presented to you like a fine prize by two, beaming boys.

“Erm- It’s certainly… Interesting.”

The bone probably comes from a squirrel, or some other small, furry creature. It is definitely not human, and for that you are semi-thankful. But the boys are convinced. 

You let them take it home, as well as a handful of interesting pebbles. If it will keep them occupied for long enough to stop complaining about the cold, you are willing to indulge it.

The boys keep it by their beds, and you are near certain that they talk to it occasionally. 

But that does not disturb you. What makes you slightly wary of the keep, is that the boys claim it is talking back. Not the bone itself, no, bones cannot speak, of course. They appear in your bedroom at night, complaining of the whispers through the corridors, and they can hardly sleep because of it. They like scary stories, ghost stories, they assure you, but the tales they pick out from these night-time phantoms are beyond what they consider disturbing. Gregor brings them back to bed for you. 

It is late, late enough that you should be abed already, but there is nothing that can convince you to sleep. Your husband is out, for whatever reason, and the boys have been put to bed particularly reluctantly. 

Something feels wrong, perhaps the temperature has dropped again, or a storm is coming. That, or the ghosts have gotten to you.

You sigh, and go back to your sewing, ignoring how concerningly similar the wind sounds to human voice. 

There is someone in the doorway. You cannot tell who, given the dim light, but you see the break in light between their legs, and the definitive shape of a head above it, but they come from nowhere. You think it to be a man, given the build, but you cannot particularly tell. All you see is its shadow, and a sapphire light in place of one eye. It tilts what you think is its head, not daring to venture closer toward you. Instead, it turns back on itself, marching down the hall. It takes barely a minute for your boys to run, screaming, from their bedchamber, you are surprised the babe is not awoken.

“There was a real ghost, Mummy!” 

Finny is beyond words, huddled and shivering to one side of you. It is Revan who takes responsibility for recounting their ghostly experience.

You want to dismiss their fears as something else. A bad dream, the excitement of battles long finished. But, you do not.

“I saw him, loves. I believe it.”

Two children stay huddled to your side long into the night. One who refuses to pick up the book he had so dearly loved nights before, and the other trying desperately to be seen as strong, but who yelps at each click of the floorboard, or scuttle from a creature travelling through the walls. They do not need nor want stories, or song, or toys to entertain themselves with. All they need is their mother.

Gregor comes in close to sunrise. Finny is long asleep, Ronan is uncomfortably awake, you don’t even think that he notices your husband coming in, despite the large shadow he casts. He is filthy, and exhausted, a day of acts you don’t ask nor even think about. Still, he gives you your kiss, and leans down to your older boy,

“Why aren’t they in bed?”

You look up slightly,

“Ghosts.”

He slumps himself into the chair beside you, which you are mildly surprised holds the weight, and groans.

“Ghosts, that’s all I hear about. The men see ghosts, the prisoners see ghosts, the fucking dogs see ghosts. And now my boys see them too.”

“I saw one.”

The noise he makes is somewhere between another tired sigh, and a scoff.

“How do you know it’s not your woman’s business?”

You throw a cushion at him for that, which he catches with ease. You realise quickly he’s semi-serious, he’s never known much about women.

“My monthly does not cause ghost sightings, you absolute fool.”

Eventually, he stands up, cracking his bones as he does,

“Gods, I need a fucking sleep. Come on, I want something warm to hold.”

Gregor picks up Finny, the boy’s limp, sleepy body bouncing like a little fish in his father’s enormous grasp. You watch him pile Ronan on top, fitting both children comfortably into his arms. The man turns around, leans down slightly, and you wrap your arms around his neck, lifted up into the air in an uncomfortable piggyback. If the boys were awake, and suitably not terrified, they would squeal and squeak with delight at this show of strength. 

Your sons are plopped, with an incredible lack of ceremony, into your bed. As you move to tuck them in, Gregor stops you, turning back and thumping down the hall. The scrape of wood makes your brow furrow, until your husband appears again with one of the boy’s beds, carrying the thing as though it weighs nothing. It is out beside the windows on the other end of the room, and your boys are put into the one bed, too exhausted to care, and happy to be in Mummy’s bedroom. The babe is still asleep, neither knowing nor caring about his brothers’ stay in the room. 

Finally, the man gets into bed, and is permitted rest.

“Fucking hells, the things I do for them kids.”

Your hands find his chest, and he kisses your hair. 

“You’re lucky they have your looks. Wouldn’t be dragging in a bed if they were big brutes.”

You give something of a smile, by now too tired to care. But there is no need for words, not now. 

“Did you actually see a ghost or did you just want the littluns in here tonight?”

“Oh, feck off.”

In the morning, you wake to find Ronan and Finny in place of Gregor, as you would most mornings, the bed dragged back to their own room. You dress Finny, and the babe, and bring them down for their breakfast. Nothing is said about the previous night. 

“Mummy?”

“Aye, Ronan?”

The boy looks up from his porridge, rubbing his eyes slightly,

“Can we put the bone back? I thought maybe it was the ghost’s favourite toy and he wants it back. Like when Finny took my favourite knight.”

You are oddly surprised by his little boy logic. It seems such an intelligent observation for such a little child.

“Do you know something, Ronan? That’s an excellent idea. I thought we could leave some offerings around the keep as well, like we do for the gods.”

“So they know we want to be friends?”

You look at him, slightly strangely.

“Of course, Ronan, so they know we want to be friends.”

The trek back down to the Gods Eye is a solemn procedure. The babe is on your back, Finny is trailing behind, and Ronan has wrapped the bone in one of your handkerchiefs, carrying his spade in the other hand. 

He insists on burying it himself. Back into the wet, marshy sand of the shores. When the wind turns just right, you catch glimpses of him speaking to it. An apology, it sounds like. When he is finished, the two of them spend a little while splashing in the water, and throwing rocks at fish, thankfully missing. You are already haunted by human ghosts, the thought of fish ghosts is slightly too much to handle.

Flowers which grow in the fields of Harrenhal are oddly similar to the place itself. Sad, and wet, and mildly depressing. Still, you pick out the best ones, with no help from your sons, who instead tear out patches of wildgrass and push each other down the hills, returning somewhat to their normal, pre-Harrenhal states.

They do help you tie the posies, with blue and yellow ribbons. Finny is particularly excited to attach little stones to each of them, which you find quite an odd thing to be excited about, but you shan’t question it. 

The men look at your boys strangely as they run around the yard, putting little bunches of flowers and unlit candles in door and window frames. Of course, one look from Gregor shuts them up. 

They have never asked to pray before, but they pray that night. Not to gods, but to the ghosts of Harrenhal, asking them to be nice, and not haunt them, and all of the other things which concern little children.

Finny goes to bed with no complaint, tucked up with a song and a story of the Battle of the Trident. It takes his brother slightly longer, needing more convincing. You light him a candle and put it above the fireplace, light scares off the ghosts, you tell him, and he believes it. 

The morning comes with no ghosts, no small children in your bed, and a Mountain stealing your side of the blankets. You sigh, sitting up and kissing his face; he groans in response, wrapping his arms tighter around you. When you finally escape his clutches, you find the babe with a silver rattle, which he is particularly happy about, a sapphire ring beside him. Large, and ornate, and certainly real. 

“Who bought the ring?”

Gregor is still partially asleep, he moans,

“How should I know? The ghosts did.”

Something in you tells you he might be right. 

There are gifts for the boys as well. A book of Targaryen heroes for Finny, with his name already written in the front cover, and a whistle formed from bone for the older one. Gregor gets nothing, but the affection from your boys, as you pretend that he is the one who has found such pretty presents. He, naturally, sucks up the attention. 

When you finally leave Harrenhal, there is a sense of normalcy. The boys say they will miss the place, miss the ghosts. They love the Riverlands now, apparently, and they do not want to leave. 

This ends the moment you get back to Clegane Keep, when they leave their ghostly presents, rush to the kitchens, and return carrying a cat each, which they then insist on racing. Harrenhal becomes a distant memory, which no one speaks of, and a beautiful, sapphire, ring lives in your jewellery box. One day, if Gregor gives you a daughter, you decide you shall give it to her, and hope her brothers do not scare her with stories of a haunted keep, and the ghost they befriended. 

[starcrossedxwriter]

I’m curious have Els and Michael ever done GQs couple quiz? I was just watching them, and I got to wondering about them. Lol 😂, cause Travis and Kylie’s was an absolute mess, but I loved Teyana Taylor and Iman and of course Nip & LL.

I loveeeeeee GQ's couple's quizzes, they are hilarious. They 100% have done it! And here's my attempt cause in my mind, they give a more relatable and fun Ciara and Russell (if you saw their's?) LOL Thanks, Anon!

***

“Hey this is Michael B. Jordan.”

“And Charlotte Elsbeth Jordan, and we are playing GQ’s Couple Quiz.” 

“You ready?” He asked, his hand resting on her thigh. 

“Born ready, I’ll start.” Charlotte lifted up the questions to make sure he couldn’t see them. Little did GQ know, they had a wager going on who knew the other the best and Charlotte was not about to lose. “Ok, this is a soft ball starter, when’s my birthday and what’s my sign?” 

Michael rolled his eyes, “May 4, which makes you a…” he paused. Charlotte knew he had to think about that one because Michael could care less about Zodiac signs and astrology. “I’m 95% sure that’s a Taurus so I’m gonna go with my gut on that one.” 

“Yea, I’m a Taurus… a textbook one too.” 

“I don’t know what that means, Els.” 

“I’ll explain it to you later. Aight, that’s two points for you cause that was two questions. Oh this’s a good one. What’s my dream travel destination?” 

“The Maldives.” He answered quickly. 

“Yep. You know I’m waiting for you to plan that right?” She asked with the sweetest smile that made Michael want to abandon the interview and take her there right then. “I kinda thought that would be our baby moon but no such luck.” 

Michael chuckled and shook his head. “You know I thought about it?” 

Charlotte's jaw dropped. “So where's my proper baby moon at?? Because I haven't to sink a single toe in the sand of the Maldives." Her tone was one of playful confusion. "Wait til he tells y'all where he took me to instead of the Maldives??"

Michael bowed his head as his shoulders shook with laughter. "It's gonna sound bad in comparison BUT I didn't think it was safe to go that far and her doc didn't agree. So we went to a gorgeous resort in Cabo." He raised his hands in surrender. "You already had my nerves shot for those 9 months, wasn't gonna add to that."

She let out a cackling laugh. “I had your nerves shot and you were getting on mine so glad we didn’t add that stress to it. Cabo was a lot of fun though.” 

“Yea it was. Babymoon #2, Maldives - I promise."

Little did she know, Michael already had it planned for her upcoming birthday.

"Well that means I'm never going, I guess," she mumbled. Michael had routinely been talking her ear off about having another baby, as if two rambunctious twin boys were not more than enough for them. But he desperately wanted a baby girl.

"That's a conversation for later but But don’t worry, Maldives are comin’. I promise.” Charlotte did a little happy dance in her seat. “Aight, next question.” 

“What’s a hobby of mine that most people wouldn’t know?” 

“You love to bake. And my training regime hates it,” he joked. 

“Yes! I would’ve also taken crocheting but I haven’t done that in a while. Oh this one is hard. What was the first musical I performed as a lead in?” 

“Ok I gotta work it backward in my mind.” 

“Actually, I’ll give you a bonus if you answer that one and name all the shows I’ve been the lead in.” 

“Okkkkkk. Most recent was The Lighthouse, got my baby her first Tony, of which I know there’ll be more. Before you left New York, you were the lead in Chicago. Then you were in the company of a couple shows. At Juilliard, you were the lead in Oklahoma, one of the few freshman to get a lead in a spring production,” Charlotte did a mini bow to the camera as she laughed. “But you were the lead in every spring show every year so Oklahoma, Funny Girl, Rent, and Kinky Boots. But your fist lead role was senior year as Cinderella in your high school production.” 

“Damnnnnnn…” They shared a high five. “That deserves hella points cause that’s hard as hell. I’ll give you two for that one. What am I scared of?” 

“Spiders and scary movies. Pretty sure if I ever did a horror movie, that’s the one premiere you wouldn’t go to.”

“Correct, you’d be on your own buddy. Ummm, oh this is a good one, what’s my favorite food? You’ve had this question before though.” 

He laughed. “And I learned that it wasn’t my bolognese - utterly heartbroken by that by the way - but it’s still pizza. All the girl eats is pizza.” 

“Correct. Oh this’s hilarious,” she laughed. “Who is my celebrity crush?” 

“Mannnn..." Michael grunted at the mere premise of the question. "Well, obviously me but I will say you went into a deep fan girl space the time you met Denzel and George Clooney.” 

“I mean every woman watching would revert to their 16 year old fan girl self in the presence of those two. But correct. Denzel is actually a friend now, we have him and Paulette over for dinner a lot so I’ve chilled out significantly. Um who’s my favorite actor?” 

“Me.” 

“He’s a bit conceded,” she joked to the camera. “Bonus point if you get whose number two on that list?” 

“Mahershala Ali.” 

“Good job. But you’re number 1 all day, baby.” 

“Oh I wasn’t worried about that at all.” 

“Ok, last one, what’s my favorite sleeping position?” 

“When I sleep like draped across your chest.” 

Charlotte made a buzzer noise and shook her head. “The question was MY favorite, not yours.” 

“That ain’t your favorite too??” 

“Absolutely not,” she doubled over in laughter at the pure look of offense on his face. “I’m sorry, baby but like when you’re at your Adonis or Killmonger weight, you are hella heavy. My side of the bed is basically also his.”

“It’s been 6 years, why you ain’t say shit?” Michael was genuinely surprised. 

Charlotte shrugged. “Cause you sleep best that way and I like that it makes you happy.” Her tone signaled that she was not simply saying that for the cameras but she actually meant it.

“That’s really sweet, babe. So what’s your favorite?” 

“Umm when we’re traveling and apart, I sleep on my stomach with like one leg half out of the covers… and in the middle of the bed so I can like sprawl out.”

“Noted. Ok how’d I do, baby?” 

“11 points… that was pretty good! Pretty sure I’m not gonna do as good but let’s see.” 

“Aight. Oh ok, how many movies have I been in?” 

Charlotte’s mouth fell open. “Ok that’s not fair! Did you pay someone to write these questions?? That’s hella hard. Um… are we counting the ones where you were just a cameo?” 

“Why not and I’ll give you a bonus if you name the first movie I was lead in?” 

“Ok if we’re counting cameos, I’m 95% sure it’s 20 or 21. And your first lead was Fruitvale Station, though you could make a case for Chronicle but that was more of an ensemble cast so I would go with Fruitvale.” 

“Damn you’re good! I don’t even know the number exactly but 20 sounds right so you get both points.”

Charlotte wiped her hand across her forehead and said “Whew. Cause it wasn’t looking good for me for a sec.” 

“What’s my least favorite food?” 

Charlotte laughed. “You have a visceral, and do mean, visceral hatred for Brussels sprouts.” 

“Correct. Hate them so much. Umm in the similar vein, what’s my ideal cheat meal when I’m training?” 

Charlotte smiled. “Whew, ok you got a lot but I feel like it depends on where we are? Like when we’re in Philly, it’s a cheesesteak, easy. But when we’re in New York, it's pizza from Prince St. and those cookies from that bakery in Lower Manhattan… can’t remember the name. And honestly, when we’re home, you love a huge breakfast spread and anything with carbs. Oh and donuts from that spot in downtown.” 

“Damn Els! You get two points for that. Very spot on. Umm how do you know when I’m mad at you?” 

Charlotte laughed. “Well, we don’t really argue much but when you’re upset it’s fairly easy to tell cause you call me Charlotte, which he literally never does any other time.” 

“Correct. What’s my biggest pet peeve that you do?” 

Charlotte grimaced. “Umm when I don’t take my health or safety seriously… or as serious as you would want me to. That causes like 95% of the rare arguments we do have.” 

“Yep. Oh this one is kinda hard because I don’t think you can ever remember the date. What day did I propose?” 

Charlotte leaned into the arm of her chair. “Oof that is hard. Well the world thinks we got engaged in June around the Tonys cause that’s the first time I wore my ring in public. But fun fact everyone, we got engaged in March. That week was a blur of you know… trauma and near death experiences,” she chuckled, her joke falling flat with her husband. “It’s been six years, we still can’t joke about it??” 

“Nah we can’t.” 

“Well, I’m the one that almost croaked so I feel like I can joke about it a little,” she argued with a smile. “But anywhoooo, you proposed on March 5. Wait, no! March 6 because it was like 2 am the Thursday after the premiere of the show on our balcony in New York. Best night of my life.” 

He leaned forward and kissed her hand and winked at her, causing her to blush. 

“Good job. What do I consider to be our first date?” 

She chuckled. “Ok well we have different opinions on this but you consider our first date to be that steakhouse we went to after filming one night in Philly. But I consider our first date to be our actual first date, that art walk in the summer. I don’t think I ever learned why you think Philly was our first date?” 

Michael merely shrugged nonchalantly. “Cause that night made me fall in love with you. From that date forward, my heart was yours. The art walk was just when you finally caught up,” he winked at her, shaking her knee a bit. 

“You never told me that. Stop saying these sweet things and making me want to cry,” she moaned, wiping away a stray tear. 

“She cries at basically everything,” Michael fake whispered to the camera causing Charlotte to playfully scoff. 

“Next question!” 

“What’s my favorite nickname to call you? Bonus question if you tell me which of the ones you call me is my favorite?” 

“Your favorite to call me is honey bee but you call me Els the most, which I love. And umm I don’t know the second one, everyone in the family calls you Bakari so I doubt that’s it. And baby is so basic? I call you ‘love’ a lot but I don’t know… you tell me.” 

“I really like it when you call me ‘Kari.” 

In her utter confusion, for a moment, Charlotte forgot they were surrounded by cameras. “That can’t be right,” she laughed. “I called you that like once in our entire relationship when we wer-“ she stopped herself mid-sentence as she realized he was teasing her and she was about to put alllllll their business on front street. “I really hate you, you know that right?” 

He actually almost fell out of his seat in laughter as Charlotte shook her head and covered her face with her cards in embarrassment. 

Her mind floated back to once years ago when Michael made her squirt for the first time. He had been fucking her so hard and for so long she could barely formulate thoughts, let alone sentences. And as he demanded she scream his name over and over again, she shortened it to Kari out of pure necessity because she could barely say more than a syllable at a time. He teased her relentlessly afterward. 

“Impossible.” He winked at her. “Ok let’s get this back on track. Who’s my favorite athlete?” 

“Forever and always , Kobe.” 

“Right. What’s my favorite thing to cook?” 

“Bolognese… and you got good at some other homemade pasta sauces like pesto during the pandemic that you still like to do.” 

“Right. Aight, last one, oh this is a good one, what has been my favorite role and movie I’ve played in my career?” 

Charlotte mused for a moment. “Oof that is actually hard. I mean the easy answer is Adonis because you’ve spent the longest with him and I think you’ve valued watching your own career and who you are growing and evolving along with him? And you know, you got me outta that deal which is pretty great.” She joked. “But I think Killmonger and Black Panther will always hold a special place in your heart. Not just because of Chad but because that role was a stretch in terms of who he was and the darkness in him. He challenged you in a lot of new ways as an actor, I think And because of the cultural significance of that movie and the bond it created with Ryan and the entire cast. I’ve never seen you or quite frankly any cast with as close of a bond with each other as you all do. I mean I’ve watched you do 100 press tours and that was the first one you were genuinely sad to have end. And you know, while I would love to see Killmonger back, I think even if you never get the chance to pick that character up again, I think the experience of that character will stick with you forever.” 

She rubbed his arm gently as she spoke. 

“Yea you get a point for that. Not sure which of those I would choose either but the reasoning for both is super spot on. I think that’s, you know, what I value most about those two roles and projects specifically. Those are definitely the top two. Good job, baby girl. “That’s it! Who won??” Michael immediately inquired of the producer behind the camera. 

“You actually tied so you both win.” 

They leaned in and kissed each other. “Good job, baby. I guess we both have to pay up.” 

“Fine by me,” Charlotte winked at him. 

“Wanna tell us what you all wagered?” the producer asked. 

The couple laughed and shook their heads. “Nope, nice try though.”  

Michael winked at his wife before the producer yelled cut.

***

Thanks for the ask!! I love these so much lol

[togrowoldinv]

12 Alarm

Natasha Romanoff x Female Reader

Your firefighter wife gifts you a special calendar she made for you

Note: Firefighter Natasha is back! Cause she’s so hot and strong hehe. This one is super fun. Thanks to everyone who helped me with this idea. Enjoy!

Natasha Romanoff Masterlist 1, Natasha Romanoff Masterlist 2, Main Masterlist

“Do you think she’s going to like it?” Natasha asks her coworker, Carol, as she helps her take some photos.

“A hot firefighter calendar from her wife? Yeah I think so,” Carol answers with a laugh. Nat laughs too. “Especially the photos you take when I leave.”

“Yeah, you’re right. Get out of here,” Nat playfully says. Carol smirks and walks outside the door to stand guard.

Natasha wouldn’t want any of her other coworkers knowing what she’s doing in here. It’s been a long running joke between the two of you that Nat was hot enough for one of those firefighter calendars. Little did you know she was in the process of making one just for you.

She takes her time to pose for each month, some with more clothes on then others, and feels satisfied with her gift. It’s a few days after Christmas when she finally gives it to you.

You were with family and this was definitely a more in private gift. So as soon as you settle back home Nat comes to the living room with a gift in hand.

“I’ve got one more gift for you, sweetheart,” Nat says.

“Oh?” You pat the spot next to you on the couch and she sits close. Her hand immediately goes to your thigh as she hands you the gift. “Thanks babe.” You kiss her cheek and she grins.

As you start to open the gift, your eyes go wide at the peaks of it you get. The whole thing is unwrapped and you feel yourself already heating up.

“Natasha! Is this? Babe!”

“I know we always joke about it, but I thought maybe you’d like to actually have one,” Natasha explains. She seems a little nervous, but her worries fade as you immediately open it to the first month.

“Holy shit,” you can hardly speak as you look at the photo.

Natasha is wearing her full uniform and leaning against a fire truck. Even with the jacket, pants, shirt, hat, and boots you are drooling at the sight of your wife.

“It gets better, you know. January is just the beginning,” Natasha says with a kneeling smile. She’s sitting somehow even closer to you and her arm is wrapped around your shoulders.

You turn the page to February. Natasha wasn’t kidding about it getting better. For this month, Natasha has her jacket opened with no under shirt on. Her abs show through the opening as your eyes fall on her lack of pants. She’s wearing only lacy panties. A rose stem is held between her teeth as she smiles at the camera.

“You like it?” She asks. She was nervous about this one.

“I wish I was that rose.”

“Hmm, we can make that happen,” Natasha says. She starts kissing your neck with fervency.

“Babe, wait. Let me look at the rest of this.” You don’t want her to stop, but you’re itching to see the rest of the calendar.

She relents and you then turn to March. Natasha is manspreading on the step of the truck with her T-shirt sleeves rolled up over her strong biceps. She’s flexing as she makes a serious but sexy look at the camera. Her hands on her knees makes your jaw hang open. She knows her muscles and her hands are a weakness of yours.

“You’ve been looking at this one a while,” Natasha remarks. You look at her and have to blink hard to come back to reality. “Keep going, baby.”

April makes you lose your composure completely. Natasha is wearing only a sports bra, her helmet, and pants. Water from the hose is coming from behind her and sticking to her toned skin.

“April showers, right?” Nat asks.

“This is- wow.” You have no other words to say in the moment. Natasha takes the initiative to move the calendar to the next month.

For May, she’s wearing only her pants and suspenders. They cover her nipples but leave most of her breasts available for you to see. There’s an axe thrown over shoulder.

“I would- um- I would like to see you in this exact uniform please,” you find yourself rambling.

“I can do that, honey. Only for you.” The low rasp of her voice makes you squirm.

You turn to the next page. It’s an action shot of Natasha. Well, an action shot of sorts. She’s wearing a tank top and her pants as she slides down the fireman’s pole. The way her arms flex as she holds on makes your mouth water. The tank top is low cut.

“That one was fun to take. I definitely almost fell a few times,” Natasha says with a laugh.

“I can only imagine.”

Next comes July. You did not expect to see Natasha wearing a red bikini with her helmet on and holding a fire hose, but god you’re so happy to see it. Especially since it’s the same bikini she wore last summer when the two of you spent the day by the pool soaking up the sun and each others touches.

“This next one is going to blow your mind,” Natasha smirks.

“Oh yeah? I’m pretty sure my mind got blown with January’s photo,” you joke.

“Just turn and see.”

You’re not disappointed as you turn the page and see Natasha standing there fully clothed with a black cat in her arms. It’s a cat that you know roams around the firehouse. Nat claims she doesn’t love her, but she does.

“You’re so cute!” You tell her.

“I thought you’d appreciate a breather. Also, you love that damn cat,” Natasha explains.

“You love her too. Little Liho.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” Nat kisses your cheek.

“Come on September,” you say as you turn the page.

You see Nat’s back muscles flex as she stands with an axe draped over her shoulders. Her hands hold it up, so her arms are flexed too. You’ve seen her back muscles before, but never so flexed like this.

“We need to move some furniture topless or something because wow,” you say.

Natasha laughs at how you are so clearly in deep for her.

October makes you laugh as you see Nat in a sexy firefighter costume that she definitely got from a Halloween store.

“You’ve been planning this a long time, huh?”

“Very long. Also, look how impractical that uniform is. I’d immediately get burnt if I wore that on a call.”

You chuckle at her cute ramble.

For November, Nat is standing at the oven with an apron on. Her T-shirt sleeves are again rolled up so you can see her muscles. You can tell from the angle that she’s only wearing panties on her lower half.

“And for the grand finale,” Natasha says as she turns to the final page.

This time Nat is completely nude but she covers herself. Her lower half is blocked by a helmet while a hose drapes across her breasts, blocking them from your view.

“Damn, I wanted to see all of you,” you say.

“Well,” Natasha smirks. She takes the calendar from your hands and sets it on the coffee table. She pulls you into her lap. “I think we can make that happen.”

Natasha kisses you fiercely as her tongue enters your mouth quickly.

“Hmm, wait babe,” you stop her.

“You want me to put on my uniform, don’t you?” She reads your mind.

“Please?”

“Anything for you, my love,” Nat says. She leaves you with one more kiss before she disappears into the bedroom.

You take the calendar and follow after her. Best gift ever.

Tag List: @gracebutnotgraceful @i-wished-for-you-too @wandasbb @be-missed @likefirenrain @hehehehannahthings @mythosphere-x @readings-stuff @xxxtwilightaxelxxx @madamevirgo @milfloverslut @mrswidowjohansson @alotofpockets @ggrangerdanger @maia-lightwoood @xxromanoffxx @peanutbutterprincess @karmasgxrl @picnicmic @wandaslittlewhore @exhaustedfangirl @when-wolves-howl @natashalovers @sammi1642 @jujuu23 @the-night-owl-blr @strangegardentaco @avatarsnips @romanoffswoman @natashasilverfox @imthenatynat @sayah13 @rach2602 @cordyandbilliehavemyheart @lovelyy-moonlight @huitzilinthebudgie3 @juicyy444 @youralphawolf72 @btay3115 @red1culous @lenam07 @randomwriter1021 @rightwereyouleftme @natismywife @dumb-fawkin-bitch @natashaswife4125 @karsonromanoff @bookfrog242 @theprinceofmarvel

[wcamino-confessions]

hi, seraphronos/v01d4l_n0x here (yes the real one /silly) probably this doesn't look the most professional considering I literally just retired but I've been frustrated about certain things that happened whilst I was on the team and I've never really had the change to vent it all out. and yes I know this isn't really relevant anymore but I just needed to rant a little little disclaimer: my time on the lt apart from this situation was great!! loved it on there and I loved working with everyone else frfr !! so this is not intended to slander them at all this is mostly about the helper anon here, so to clarify for anyone unaware: void-anons is not me. they are a blog made to purposely impersonate me, and no I don't know who they are. I have my suspicions, but I'd rather not risk falsely accusing someone considering that's literally what happened to me lol. also this is mostly about me and my experiences so I'm not speaking from the team as a whole here so to start: literally fuck you helper anon. not cool man 👎. you didn't have to make the blog look like mine and could have made it completely anonymous but no you really just had to drag me into it (which im assuming was because im not the most active in chats so it was easier to make it seem like it was mine cause there would be no one to back me and my actions up). also I'll forever be annoyed at the rui aesthetic. like that is literally my guy ☹️. I understand you had frustrations about how things were handled and yeah I get it, but you really did not have to drag me into it??? and then joke about me getting demoted afterwards and act proud of the fact you did???? again just really not cool boooo 🍅🍅🍅. I hope both sides of your pillow are warm tbh I really do not like you my second point: the chats after I returned. yes guys I did read up. I definitely get why the other helpers were frustrated as was I but I felt some of the comments were kinda personal about me?? like I saw the point about how I wasn't close with the other team members show up a few times and like?? that isn't really about the confession that's about me 👎. and just to add on yes I'm aware this was like 8-9 months ago now, and most people part of that discussion have now retired third (and probably final point): the team as a whole on the issue. First of all, it took 2 days of constant bumping and sending proof I don't own the account just to get back on the team. 2 days I was waiting to see if they'd actually believe me. if it was me I honestly would have admitted it, but the fact it isn't and that it's completely out of my control is the worst feeling. little note here but I did really appreciate the members of the lt who sent me pms apologising/asking if there's anything they could do, thank you guys, love u /p. but the fact still stands that they haven't been demoted, and I have pushed for any updates/information that I was allowed to know, but I just kept getting told that 'we're working on it'. I know it's a difficult situation but it really just came across to me like nothing was actually being done. extra few little notes here but the fact that the first confession mentioned how they were on a burner account then proceeded to make it look like it was mine?? why would i do that?? also why was I immediately demoted without being given the option to explain anything first. I feel the actions from the team were very rushed and whilst I do understand it was quite a unique situation, I feel like the steps taken weren't completely thought through. to add to this though I'm glad I did get an explanation in ufc not too long back. I appreciate the transparency /gen. last note from me but I'd like to add the reason that I have so much to say here was because I felt as if I was being shut down at certain points. naturally, this was brought up in casual helper chats more than once and so I'd rant a little, but I had to hold myself back in case of anything.

I did proofread this a little but it is long so pls ignore any mistakes 🙏

[lizzie-is-here]

bucky barnes oneshot

the white cat

bucky barnes x fem!reader

a late night stop at the animal shelter, a truck, and a dinner date

a/n: not bucky’s cat being named after the place he died 💀 anyway sorry i’ve disappeared i got busy lmao. BUT. i have an idea for a new series based entirely off a winterguard show i was told ab this year by dupont manual so we’ll see if it goes anywhere 👀

the white cat pt. 2

Working at an animal shelter had its benefits.

For all the sad stories you often had, you also got to save pets, watch them get healthier, and most of the time, go to a loving home.

Plus, every so often, a very attractive customer would come in, and, seeing as you are the only employee constantly in the so-called “meeting room” for potential adoptees, you would help them.

Today was one of those days. Or, rather, nights.

Technically, you were closed. Everyone else had left earlier and you’d stayed to clean up. You were sweeping up fur and treats, listening to the radio as you worked.

The man outside the window showed up around 8:56.

Normally, you’d be creeped out. A woman, alone, while a man stared at her through a window? It’s the plot of, like, every Scream movie.

But you recognized this man. He’d been showing up the past few days, not to ogle you, but to ask questions about the cats you had, what he’d need to buy, what kind of care they needed.

You’ve only seen him, never actually talked to him, but he seems sweet. A bit shy, very nervous.

“Hi.” You wave and the man looks behind him before pointing at himself. Laughing, you nod. “Yes, you.”

Setting down a cup of pens, you unlock and open the door for him.

“Sorry about coming in so late. Are you guys even open?” He fiddles with his glove-covered hands, turned a bit awkwardly so his left side is further away.

You shrug, not wanting to scare him off. “We can be. What can I help you with?”

He scratches at the back of his neck before pointing towards the back. “Can I get a cat?” He pauses before barreling on. “I’ve done all the research, got all the stuff set up back at my apartment, and honestly…”

He trails off a bit. “I think it’d help with some… stuff.”

You understand. Plenty of people need company, and you could confidently say that animals provided plenty of that.

“No problem,” you smile. “Come with me.”

Leading him back, you don’t comment on the fact that he makes no noise when he walks, or how a soft, pleasant whirring like quiet machinery has reached your ears.

The meeting room has a few beanbag chairs, a table, and cat and dog toys scattered around. The mystery man sits cross-legged on the floor, looking up at you with eyes that make you think he might be the puppy.

He looks around, a little lost. “So, what do I…”

You pick up where he leaves off. “Are you looking for anything particular?”

He shakes his head, and some of that shyness seems to shake away too.

“No, I trust your judgment.” He smiles. You ignore the warmth in your cheeks and whisk away to the back, looking into the kennels until you find what you’re looking for.

A young cat, only a few months old. Just came in last week. Every time that man has come in, she’s been excited.

“Alpine, sweetie, c’mere.” You gently coax her into your waiting arms, cradling the white fluff as you head back to the room.

It’s impossible to miss how his eyes light up when he sees you, even more so when he spies the cat.

You sit across from him, so close your knees touch, and pass off Alpine.

“She’s so small,” he whispers, almost reverently. You chuckle, watching her climb unceremoniously into his lap.

“She likes you. Been trying to see you all week.” His eyes are still fixated on the little white blob that contrasts his jacket. “Her name’s Alpine, unless you wanna change it?”

He pauses, laughs a bit like there’s some inside joke there, and shakes his head. “No- no, Alpine’s perfect.”

A few minutes later, he’s filling out the paperwork and making small talk when you finally notice his name and age.

James Buchanan Barnes, age 106.

The ex-Winter Soldier. The Howling Commando. The Fallen Sergeant.

He notices you mentally smacking yourself and holds out his right hand.

“Hi, I’m Bucky. Sorry I didn’t say anything earlier,” he chuckles.

You wave a hand. “Don’t worry about it. Sorry if I made you feel weird.”

Bucky shakes his head and readjusts Alpine. Steeling his nerves, he gives you his best smile and finally does the second thing he was hoping to achieve tonight.

“No, no, you didn’t make me feel weird at all. In fact-“ He meets your curious gaze. “-I was wondering if you like to go out sometime?”

You can feel the blush you know he can see, but manage to respond anyway.

“Yeah, I’d really like that, actually.”

Apparently, he isn’t expecting you to say yes so quickly, and pauses for a bit.

“I- Uh, what’s a good time?”

You gesture around. “I get off work tomorrow at 7:30?”

“I’ll be here.”

The two of you enjoy the moment, Alpine purring softly in Bucky’s arms. It’s perfect.

Until a car horn honks from outside. Heading out, you see a truck with three other people in it.

Three other Avengers, to be exact.

“Thought you’d never be done!” Sam Wilson jokes from the driver’s seat. From the passenger’s, Natasha Romanoff waves while Steve Rogers opens the back door for the soldier next to you.

Bucky rolls his eyes.

“I’m sorry, they’re being stupid,” he grumbles. “But, I’ve only got a motorcycle, so I needed some help.”

“It’s cute that they came along,” you say. “Still on for tomorrow?”

He laughs and gestures to the truck. “If those heathens haven’t scared you away, then yes. Absolutely.”

“I’ll see you then?”

“See you then, doll.”