#2. they both have traits that can easily be turned toxic

[scarletiswailing347]

bruh wtf is going on with princezam and delilahdied

on one hand delilah is accusing zam of being abusive and trying to ruin delilahs career and on the other hand delilah is being accused of being abusive and a doxxer meanwhile zam is radio silent

[moonlit-escape]

ive finally caved. im making a silly stupid self-insert oc so here are some of my notes on

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ | Ori Lunedust

✧ only lightly canon divergent (because i am a coward)

✧ nonbinary. they/them

✧ short. like, hella short. like 4'10 short (maybe i shld give them an extra 2 inches, but im not that nice to someone who is supposed to be a caricature of me.)

✧ chin-length hair. soft and swishy. galaxy colored (mix of my old primary mc skin's hair and my current hair length)

✧ wears glasses on occasion (when they forget their contacts, really. which can be often)

✧ has normal ear piercings and a nose piercing

✧ no stagnant sense of style or aesthetic. they just like wearing whatever they feel like

✧ favourite things include: sushi, the color blue, weird shit no one thinks about, cartoons, space, and things that people make (art wise)

✧ part meif'wa, part werewolf, but looks like neither (my mum is a cat person. and my dad prefers dogs)

✧ yet, they still have the traits and behaviors of both (abnormal strength and agility, comfort in sitting where they shouldn't be, fascination with sticks and toys, deeper understanding of body language, affection can be won with food, chocolate intolerance, get that fucking window open or so help me irene-)

✧ 2 older half-brothers. one meif'wa, one neither (didn't inherit the gene. both are ma's kids)

✧ started a junior in pdh (was homeschooled for practically their entire schooling career up until that point)

✧ carried a different plushie around in their bag to school every day. for emotional support

✧ very large collection of plushies

✧ a very creative person. always looking for some way to create something and give substance to their emotions (art, music, jewelry, you name it)

✧ greatly prefer literally any other form of communication and self-expression apart from actual speaking words

✧ had art class and was always sneaking glances at the trio, even outside of class (and taking -3 dmg to their self-esteem each time bc they felt like a creep)

✧ horrible at making friends. just the worst. (social anxiety and isolation did not help) but, very good at keeping them

✧ have two best friends they love and treasure more than anything, even if they are far apart

✧ WILDLY independent. like toxically. would rather starve to death on the chain than ask for someone to help them open the lock (sooo, they'd need some pretty stubbornly caring people to take them in. or, someone they can stubbornly care about)

✧ hopeless romantic. emphasis on the hopeless part (romcoms are top tier and sweet cuddly romance makes them weak)

✧ somehow both terrified of getting in trouble yet also always looking to push the rules (had two separate uniforms for school and wld mix n match the parts depending on how they wanted to dress that day, snuck in snacks or dr. pepper into class, wore headphones to play music constantly)

✧ used to rollerskate to school every day and back. would rollerskate everywhere in town if they were allowed

✧ in senior year, they were a target for recruiting into the shadow knights because of their "potential" in how they bent the rules and seemed easily malleable into a troublemaker due to their quiet and unopinionated demeanor. they turned the two down of course, but still sort of kept an eye on them, because. well, they thought they were probably decent kids at heart. and when the two were framed that year for the cafeteria incident, they didn't really think twice about helping them out

✧ now present day they live with two roommates, one of them including Kai. they've lived with their roommates for a few years now and yet, they're still only acquaintances at best with them (i live like this chat.)

✧ that doesn't mean the household dynamic is a complete mess, though. whenever there's a problem or something to let the others know about, they leave out colorful sticky notes to communicate it (it's hard to know when they'll next see them anyway, and even then, they forget about it easy or they just can't get the words going)

✧ has a deep sense of alienation, and a lack of belonging anywhere. their sense of identity is very loose, (are they human? meif'wa? werewolf? or none of the above at all?) so they have a lot of different styles and interests with things like merchandise, accessories, and keychains and pins. which helps them to show off their personality, figure out what communities they feel like they belong in, and sort of just have a more tangible way to ground their sense of self (this does not totally work. unsurprisingly. but their mountain of interests does make for a good distraction)

[tumblingxelian]

Hey @rachelsshowerthoughts

I figured this might work better than submissions given who or whatever is fucking with your comp. Anyway I think recalled the submission details I sent in, at least two, I hope it was only two ><

1: Aware AU Abuse is the same as canon

What I mean here is that I think it would be structurally integral for the AU to not 'worsen' what was shown on screen. At least, not until the kids actions start causing their parents to react, develop, grow worse, ETC. Thus, anything that is demonstrated needs a canon basis, with the main shift being in the kids perspective on it and the writers framing.

So Gabriel still thinks he is making decisions for Adrien's benefit, still says all he does is for his family & will still hug Adrien after an Akuma home invasion. He''ll also still attack his school, isolate him, and put him in danger & be entirely unaware of the cognizant dissonance.

The same would be true for Nathalie, she can justify Gabriel letting his first Akuma loose in Adrien's school, perhaps even hoping to scare Adrien into staying home because "Obviously" Gabriel has full control, "Obviously" this is for Adrien's benefit, "Obviously" this is the right call.

Does that make sense?

Amusingly/sadly in this regard Chloe's parents are very easy to work with because of their Akuma. See, we know how a loved one is usually treated during Akuma attacks. They usually get a lesser degree of or insulation from what's done to others. Or are the target but in a misguided & warped attempt to help them.

Sabrina, Jean & Caline all show normal Akuma traits when it comes to Chloe, and Caline particularly stands out but:

Sabrina: The first time she just pranked, and bothered Chloe, it was all things considered extremely mild. The second time was full "I want to help but am an Akuma so I am unhinged" way.

Jean: He was angry at being fired, but it still manifested n a desire to have people get along with Chloe &have her be nicer.

Caline: Even though she'd been explicitly hurt by Chloe avoided her entirely & instead went and attacked Andre. Then she used the fact she had "Taken care of your father" as an invitation for Chloe to come find her. Like she perceived him as a threat to her.

Her parents on the other hand...

Audrey tries to murder Chloe on sight. Then keeps defaulting to murdering her with Chloe having to justify her continued existence each time until she couldn't & was killed.

Andre turns the powerful and willful Audrey into a needy hanger on, who exists to have easily met needs & praises. He had similar intents on Chloe. Demonstrating how regardless of what he says, the relationships he has are all about him at the end of the day.

Even if Akuma are exaggerations, that still means Audrey at a minimum feels NOTHING for Chloe & would kill her like she killed everyone else the moment she had the power to do so. Meanwhile it still shows how Andre conflates both of them in his head and how all his relationships are toxic and selfish.

I feel these factors would also be analyzed and picked up on more by the kids cos again, shift in perspective.

2: This line from a recent fic I wrote is one I am still very proud of:

"I know... I'm sorry," he murmured, a gentle hand on her shoulder, his next words bathed in almost palpable self-loathing. "You know, I always thought you and your dad were... Good, I thought you guys really loved and admired each other." That drew a shrill little laugh from her even as the taste on her tongue was bile, "I’m- I’m sorry Adrien but that… That was never true.” He squeezed her shoulder and she found more words spilling out unbidden. “I like Sabrina, I love you, I even admired Ladybug and my mother. A part of me still does, even if neither look at me anymore, if they ever really did." Adrien leaned against her, just a little and Chloe bumped shoulders with him before pulling back and adding. "I don't have a dad, or even a father, I have a 'daddy', it's very different you see. Though hah, now I don't even have that and I... I don't think there's a way to fix it… Any of it."

[myragewillend]

Speaking of first love.

For stupid reasons, I ended up going through old chatlogs with my first girlfriend. I was shocked at how I sounded, how angry I was all the time, how easily I lashed out at her. Granted, all these conversations were 1-2 years into our relationship, 1-2 years of constant lying and betrayals and feeling completely broken from the lack of trust in her, yet feeling forced to stay out of responsibility for her happiness. And I clearly remember how easily she lashed out at me too, how quickly she could tell me she hated me, how I'd have to endure hours of screaming, crying and cussing until she'd calm down enough to have a normal conversation. I remember how she continued knowingly to trigger my deepest insecurities, how I never felt like she even saw the pain I was in from what she'd do to me. I remember how tied down and controlled I'd felt, how I got blamed for everything, how suffocating and yet lonely that relationship was. She didn't treat me well. But I didn't treat her well either. My pain and paranoia and personal issues turned me into a bitter, angry, controlling partner, always testing her, wanting to "make" her trustworthy through demands and control, while passive-agressively seeking out problems in every word she spoke. I was so toxic to her too. We both had such deep-seated issues and brought out the worst in each other.

I felt ashamed reading some of my responses to her. I hate the person I became through staying with her. I hated feeling mad all the time. It's a stark difference with how I was in the beginning of the relationship, as my behavior was directly the result of her betrayals while refusing to let me end things between us, so I just bitterly endured it (as she did the same with my anger). As much as I can understand where it came from, and how she bears responsibility for the situation as well, it doesn't justify it. I don't want to be that person. That's not me at all.

Now I can look back and see how incredibly much I've changed, how hard I must've truly worked to get here. I've outgrown all those toxic traits, left them behind in the past along with the people that taught them to me. I've dealt with my personal issues. I feel so much calmer now, so much more at ease with myself and the world around me. That is all I can do, in order to forgive myself for my younger self.

But I wish now I could apologize to her, too. Let her know that I too finally can see what hurt I've caused her, offer a sincere apology without any expectations of forgiveness. After all these years, I'd still like to have that final conversation with her; say 'sorry' to each other, wish each other the very best in life, shake hands on it. Tell her I forgive her. A final moment of closure.

[vndersons]

【Ａｎｇｅｌａ Ｍａｒｉｅ Ａｎｄｅｒｓｏｎ】

triggers: Divorce, teen pregnancy

Basics

Age: 17 Birthdate: August 13th   Zodiac: Leo Hometown: Manhattan, New York Sexuality: Hetrosexual

Traits

Negative: Over Protective, Brazen, Insecure, Head-Strong, Vain Positive: Beguiling, Nurturing, Outgoing

Aesthetics

HALF EMPTY CUPS OF COFFEE, LIPSTICK KISSES ON MIRRORS, DIAMOND NECKLACES, TOY CARS STUFFED IN POCKETS, PRESTIGE MAKEUPS AND PERFUMES

Appearance

Height: 5 foot 2 inches Weight: 105 lbs Build: Slim Tattoos: a dolphin on her hipbone Scars & birth marks: none Attire: Plaid skirts, Ralph Lauren button downs, bodycon dresses, high heels

BIO;

Eli and Anna have been inseparable from birth. Quite literally. The twins have always shared a special bond with each other thought they could never be more different.

Anna was graced with the beauty, grace, and athleticism, while Eli got the awkwardness, goofiness, and anxiety.

The best way to describe Anna is a Ice Queen Bee. Popular because of her beauty, style, natural charisma, and money but not because of actually being likeable. More often then not she can cut deep with her words. and isn't afraid to throw a fist despite her size.

Mainly, her rough and tough bitch exterior is a front to keep others from hurting her further.

Growing up she was raised mostly by nannies rather then her parents, major record label execs.

Her whole life, Anna has fought to catch her parents' attention, only truly managing to get it when she acted out.

Due to the toxic relationship and constant pressure from her mother to be just a little closer to perfect, Anna developed some pretty warped and negative views of herself especially when it comes to her body image.

In middle school her parents' tumultuous relationship finally came to an end, both Anna and Eli voiced their wish to stay with their father and in New York. But when it came down to it, their father didn't want them. So the two were stuck with their mother and forced to move to New Jersey.

Being new wasn't difficult for Anna, she fell in with the popular crowd easily due to her beauty and money. And it wasn't long until she was doing everything you'd expect the most popular girl in school to do.

Anna was a cheerleader along with co-captain of the girl's soccer team.

But when she was 15 Anna got pregnant, and her mother being catholic refused to let Anna have any other choice other then to keep the baby and raise it. Though she too is getting help from nannies, at the instance of her mother so she can finish school, Anna is a much more hands on mother then her own ever was. Her son is her pride and joy, even if he was conceived by the biggest deadbeat Wiskayok had ever seen.

The week away in Seattle was going to be hard on the young mother, but after all it was only going to be a week. So leaving her son in the hands of a mother she hated, Anna begrudgingly boarded the plane with her twin brother in tow for yearbook pictures.

Now after the crash, Anna finds herself struggling immensely with the longing for her pride and joy. Leaning on her brother often for support. Still, the blonde is determined to make it home to her son. She will do whatever it takes so survive and see him one more time. And no one will get in her way.

SCHOOL REPUTATION ;

Biggest Accomplishment: Having a beautiful baby boy Cumulative GPA: 3.25 Favorite Class: Broadcasting Least Favorite Class: English Elective of Choice: Digital Media Senior Parking Spot Decoration: Anna painted THIS but someone turned it into THIS

[thatsexcpisces]

Astrology observations pt. 6

- Aquarius risings come across as very dry and people tend to interpret this as if they’re mad or don’t like someone but that’s just how they are 💀For example, I tell my Aquarius rising friends something interesting that happened to me expecting a big reaction from them (my leo moon lol) and they just reply with like “oh cool🙂” and I take it personally but it’s just they’re personality lol

- I know I’ve probably mentioned this before, but Venusian placements (esp Taurus/Libra moon/mercury) can be really fake friends. This mostly goes for underdeveloped Venusian placements. Once they get envious of something their friend has that they don’t, they turn bitchy and fake with them for no reason even if their friend is a nice person and didn’t do anything wrong

- Having someone’s mercury or sun in your 12th house in synastry can be an indicator that they lie/hide things from you and probably even talk behind your back

- I’ve noticed that people who meet people who’s rising sign is their sun sign, get easily jealous of them. It’s probably because the rising sign person naturally embodies the energy and traits that the sun person has to work harder for to try and express. For example: a Libra sun may be jealous of a Libra rising person because the libra rising automatically represents the positive Libra qualities and draws attention meanwhile the sun person wants to achieve that.

- cancer placements always complain about people being unable to read their mind and know how they feel/what they want when they never expressed themselves in the first place 🤦‍♀️

- Virgo moons 🤝 giving their unsolicited opinion when no one asked

Also Virgo moons 🤝 trying to refrain from saying “I told you so” after someone didn’t take their advice

- Chiron/Pluto in the 4th house can indicate that your family has a lot of dark secrets that they’ve kept from you and that you’ve found out/will find out as you get older

- Venus-Neptune harsh aspects (square/opposite/conjunction) sometimes cant differentiate real love from toxic and unhealthy love

- Neptune-moon aspects, especially harsh ones (square/opposite), have issues seeing people for who they really are. They always wear rose-colored glasses and try to see the good in everyone when they’re blind to someone manipulating and playing them right in front of their face

- Fixed moons would rather jump off a cliff than apologize first or admit they were wrong lmao

- Most people just automatically consider Leo placements the attention-seekers of the zodiac but imo, it can be Capricorns because their negative outlooks and pessimistic tendencies to complain about all the shit that happens to them and that they go through is a subconscious way to make people pity and feel bad for them to draw attention

- Mars in Pisces are terrifying when they’re upset. You’ll never expect it, they will just throw a whole performance on you at the most random time

- good luck trying to win an argument with a Sagittarius mercury. They are BLUNT and MALICIOUS. They won’t have any issues airing all your issues out and calling you out on your bs to the point where you wanna crawl into a hole and die lol

- Capricorn’s are Leo’s are always drawn towards each other for some reason. I see a lot of best friend duos with these 2 signs.

- sun-Pluto aspects have trouble deciding whether they want to be perceived as mysterious and hidden or the center of attention for everyone to see (same goes for having Scorpio and Leo in the big 3)

- mercury square mars in synastry is a tough aspect to have because you two have difficulty understanding each other and misunderstandings are very common. You 2 probably also have a very different love language and can get into arguments easily

- most children usually either have the same sun sign as one of their parents or they have their sun sign in the sign of their parent’s moon sign (or vice versa: child has moon sign as their parent’s sun sign) (or both even have the same moon sign)

- 9th house stelliums have probably been called intelligent at a very young age or people considered them to be mature at a young age

- Venus/sun&mercury in the 10th house people are usually popular or popular amongst their community or their ingroups (leader energy)

- Mars square sun people come off as aggressive and arrogant at first impression

- Scorpio moons can have a very toxic way of showing love/loving people whether it’s their friends or romantic partner. They often show their love in confusing and maybe even bipolar/aggressive ways that the people around them perceive to be as mean or as if they don’t love them but the truth is the Scorpio moon cares very deeply for those people they just have trouble expressing it because their intense sequences of emotions

- Aries Venus love HARD. They are the definition of falling in love at first sight. Once they’re interested in you, good luck trying to get them away or some time alone to yourself . They are clingy asf

- Capricorn moons care so much about what other people think about them

- having your Lilith in the 5th house can mean that you were never able to experience or live out your dream hobbies and creative side as a child. You were forced to grow up too quick and didn’t have a real childhood where you got to spend time enjoying the little things and pleasures

[signedeclipse]

Frequently Asked Questions

Hello!! Ive had a lot of questions recently via dms and inbox that I felt I could address publically for anyone who has the same concerns! This will be added to my pinned so that you can easily find it!

I recommending looking this over before submitting a request, as it might help clear some things <3

SIgned, Eclipse

What characters do you write for?

Almost all of them! I can make a list if you really want, but im familiar with both manga and anime, as well as fanbooks and extra media characters!

I even do 'lesser seen' characters including every lower moon,

What characters don't you write for?

Any characters that are just parents, characters that weren't named, and thats it!

Characters I only write platonically include; Naho, Sumi, Kiyo, Rui, Senjuro, both Ubuyashiki twins, all Kamado siblings, and Kotetsu.

Characters I only write romantically or less include; Nezuko and Aoi

Characters I age up (18+) for NSFW include; Kamaboko squad (including Genya and Kanao), Gyutaro, Daki, Murata, Muichiro and Sabito.

I may be missing a few, but overall my decision is based off the characters overall maturity in the manga. Every aged up character will display adult characteristics and nothing less.

Do you take NSFW requests?

I do! In fact, NSFW is one of my largest talents when it comes to writing, so please don't be shy to request it! You must be 18 or older to do so.

Dont be afraid it include kinks, too! The only kinks I won't write for is vore, toilet stuff, violence/extreme pain, non-con (cnc is okay), zoophilia and pedophilia/age play.

Ive written for lots of extremes, including hyper-parts and tentacles, so trust me when I say I can handle it.

Do you have any limits?

When it comes to writing, I really don't enjoy writing the reader being in a toxic or abusive relationship with the character. I wont write anything where the character harms the reader purposefully unless its for an event.

That being said, the reader can be harmed by others in the story (including strangers, parents, ex-lovers or other characters) and even killed, but I will never let it be the love interest unless accidentally.

What can I say, im a comfort writer, I just want readers to have something nice and fluffy to read! But ill still write angst and breakups, dw ;]

Can you do a part 2, 3 etc...?

Yes! I usually do my best to leave a oneshot open to being continued. If a oneshot is popular enough, ill even turn it into a series. Just request you'd like another part and i'll get to it!

Rarely I may feel something cannot be continued, if this is the case I will tell you, and ask you what you'd like to see happen next instead <3

How many characters can be made per request?

It depends! For oneshots, Ill do as many as you want with a reasonable limit, like all the hashira x reader or upper moons x reader.

For headcanons, I do a max of 3. However, you can have up to 5 if it is the kamaboko squad (zenitsu, inosuke, tanjiro, kanao, and genya), Upper moons, lower moons (or a mix of those two), and hashira! For groups that have more than 5, you can pick which or let me choose.

I also do headcanons with 1 character, and it ends up being a little more specific and fleshed out.

Trios, as in character x reader x character count as 1 character.

What blog tags to you use

There are only a few! But the unique trait is they all contain 'eclipse' and end in 'z' instead of 's'

#eclipse talkz - For any posts where I am answering an ask that isnt a request, or where I am just talking outside of writing.

#eclipse thoughtz - For my headcanon option where I give my opinion and there is no x reader portion.

#eclipse recommendz - For writing that is not mine that I really enjoy and think my readers would like.

#eclipse retweetz - For anything else that isnt mine but I just really want to share, its just a reblog! I call it retweetz because it was a mistake when I made it!

#eclipse gamez - For ask games and other things readers can interact with differently.

#eclipse goalz - For events and milestones!

[seventeenlovesthree]

Taishiro for 002 and Koushiro Izumi for 003

Alriiiiiight, I know I'm super predictable here, huh? 002 | Taishirou

When I started shipping them: I actually don't remember when exactly it started, but they haven't been my first Digimon ship, that's for sure. I think I maaaay have started shipping them in my later teens, upon watching the OG 01 in Japanese for the first time and couldn't unsee it anymore, though I obviously hadn't been as invested in them at the time.

My thoughts: Oooof, where do I even begin, I mean, I have probably written at least twenty meta posts about them so far, since I simply cannot shut up about how much I adore this dynamic.They go so much further than the tropes they're initially based on make you believe - it's not just brawns/brains, introverted extrovert/extroverted introvert, best friends to lovers and so on... It's also the unconditional trust and support, the way they complement and (potentially) get the best out of each other, thinking so incredibly highly of each other (without being fully able to convey that properly, which leads to a lot of frustration on my behalf, but more on that later down the line). Heck, there might even be some kind of starcrossed theme going on between them even without taking reincarnation theory into account. You just... Have the one who probably would never have gotten out of his shell as easily as he eventually did without the other, supporting him in every way he can... And the other one who actually manages to let his guard down towards him once trauma hits. They just make me go soft and I wouldn't want it any other way.

What makes me happy about them: Lots of things, actually, but mainly the complementing aspect I mentioned above, turning them into partners in crime. Plus, all the times they invade each other's personal space without even noticing or caring. The way they can affect each other in ways others can't do - even if it sometimes takes a loooot of fanfiction to elaborate on that.

What makes me sad about them: Apart from the fact that they're both nuts? That they actually don't realize how good they are for each other. And that opening up towards each other more would do both of them good. It's an ongoing theme, Koushirou basically begs Taichi to be honest with and rely on him - and you can bet, the boy would get a lot of weight off his shoulders if he finally opened up towards Taichi himself. It's frustrating. Especially when you take the subtext of them growing somewhat apart in certain parts of the series, when there are other parts that basically make them look married... Like, you know Koushirou would go to hell and back for Taichi and Taichi, on the flipside, would always sacrifice himself in order not to let the people most precious to him get hurt. So... Please talk to each other for once.

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: The cheating AND the toxic/misogynist seme/uke portrayal. Yes, Koushirou is shorter and more slender than Taichi, yes, I have written entire meta posts about him having a lot of traits that may make him more effeminate at times and I enjoy seeing him turn into a blushing, stuttering mess as much as everyone else, but he's not a helpless, passive wallflower.

Things I look for in fanfic: All the cheese. All the pining. Give me a hundred chapters of them being too stupid to realize their feelings - or actually knowing about them but being too stupid to act on them. I need my happy ends though. Give me all the mutual healing. Them actually TALKING to each other. All the softness, please. Show me how they’d die for each other in all the different timelines.

My wishlist: 1.) An Our War Game sequel with them as adults, actually portraying them as still being friends/becoming close friends again (bonus points for Koushirou talking about his adoption to Taichi) 2.) Similarly to 1, a sequel post epilogue that shows them working together, because, dude their careers are 100% compatible, come on. I don't need confirmation on them being together/married/whatever, I just want to see them maintaining their bond. 3.) A reboot sequel in which they continue being partners in crime like they're supposed to be.

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: Oh, that's easy, my favourite second choice for Taichi will always be Sora, and my second favourite choice for Koushirou will always be Hikari. Team Light until the very end. I'll also always root for a poly Taikoura relationship, but shhh.

My happily ever after for them: If I was able to spin the wishlist further, I'd love to see them working together to ensure a symbiosis between the real and the Digital World, while also living and raising their two kids together. Domestic bliss after they've managed to talk to each other and work on their traumas together. Domestic bliss, man.

003 | Koushirou Izumi

How I feel about this character: Again, where do I even begin without writing the 7362728th novel about why I love and adore this boy so much? He has been my first favourite Digimon character ever when I was 9 years old - and now, more than twenty years later, I find myself coming back to him becoming my current comfort character. I love and adore how layered he is; people are quick to just call him a "nerd" and "infodump boy", but he is so much more than that, being a hands-on problem and riddle solver that would go to hell and back for the people he cares about, despite getting lost in the things he researches about to the point of neglecting his own needs while trying not to think about the trauma that has haunted him for years, not having known who he is, where he comes from, unsure how to approach and understand others and himself... But eventually, he is a very kind, very emotional kid who loves his family, partner and friends, who enjoys to teach and ramble, supporting wherever, however and whenever he can, a mentor and connecter. He has his issues and problems, but he's always trying his best. Yes, I may project onto him a lot at times, but that also shows me what a great job the writers did in making him human.

Any/all the people I ship romantically with this character: As mentioned above, Taichi will always be the one for him in my eyes, the absolute Digimon OTP. Second choice, as implied, is Hikari, hands down. (Honorary mention goes to Sora - I have grown very fond of platonic!Koura, but romantic!Koura has become quite exciting to me as well - and, drum roll, Menoa. I could definitely see this becoming a thing and I'm weirdly intrigued by it, even if I rather enjoy than actually ship it.)

My favorite non-romantic relationship for this character: All of Team Light is absolutely delightful on a platonic level, so Taichi (best friends for life, work partners in crime), Sora (fashion buddy) and Hikari (research/photography buddy) being his closest friends will always be wonderful to me - even if canon makes it hard to maintain that sometimes. And while it really feels like he will become more of a background supporter, mainly talking to the majority of the cast through electronic devices, I actually enjoy all (potential) bonds he has with the other characters; Platonic!Koumi for example is absolutely amazing in my eyes (internet buddies), him and Yamato have actually been implied to have grown rather close in Kizuna (and the PSP game also hints at them being very compatible). Jyou and Takeru tried very hard to get through to him in Tri, so that makes me believe that they're having quite the connection as well. Him and Miyako hacking the entire world is always a fun concept, Iori will still see him as a great mentor and I reeeeally wish we would have seen more of him and Ken being amazing geniuses together.

My unpopular opinion about this character: I don't like the extreme nerd/geek stereotype people assign to him - he obviously can be one, but people writing him to be absolutely incapable of social interaction while being a horny idiot might be something I have to blame Tri for. And I absolutely dislike the tendency in fandom to give him the shortest end of the stick in friend/ship groups. Not sure if that's an unpopular opinion though?

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: I wanted to see him talk to anybody about his adoption that wasn't Tentomon. Tri absolutely tried to make the others get through to him, but he literally didn't let them. It was his goal to get closer to others, become less formal at the end of 01 - and 02 did a great job at portraying him as mentor and teacher to others. But in the end, Tentomon has always been the only one who sees him breaking down. So in case the Kizuna scenario will happen to him as well one day - who's gonna catch him then? I absolutely don't want that for him, but heck, let him cry in front of his friends once, please.

Favorite friendship for this character: Still Taichi, but all of what I've written above about the other Chosen Children applies!

My crossover ship: I actually can't think of one right now, even though I'm pretty sure once you mention one or another character from another fandom, I might go "Ooooh, that could be interesting!"

[notallthosewho-wanderarelost]

From @mayedays:

Curious about your tags. What about Demon in the Wood did you like so much? And why do you have a love-hate relationship with TGT?

First off, I have to ask- is your username an October Daye reference?!

Sorry this took me so long to get to! I’m going to answer the second part first so I can end on a positive note.

Fair warning, you’ve unlocked a thing I rant about a lot.

There are a lot of reasons I have a love-hate relationship with The Grisha Trilogy. I really love almost all of the characters, I love the concept for the world and how unique so much of it is, and the world-building is generally great. A lot of the things about the world that felt incomplete or off and didn’t make sense to me in TGT got explained in more depth in King of Scars, which really fixed most of the problems I had with the world-building! There are still places where it has holes that bug me, but it’s overall so interesting and unique. (And it’s not over, so those holes might still get filled in!) The whole cast of characters is just fantastic, I love them all very much. There are just so many interesting characters in this universe! I could easily sit here and list characters and why I love them, but we’d be here all day and this post is going to be long enough so I’m not going to do that, haha.

As for why I hate it, it mostly comes down to a couple of big things: the completely mangled Russian- that absolutely didn’t have to be mangled since Leigh Bardugo says outright on her website that she could have gotten a Russian translator but just refused to- and the way that the plot takes away all agency from Alina so that she spends almost all of the series reacting instead of acting. It makes her seem boring and plain in a Bella Swan-type of way, when she’s actually a great character who just gets bulldozed by the plot over and over. There’s a similar problem for Mal, except that for him it gets compounded by the fact that he has no other personality traits aside from “loves Alina” and “embodies all toxic YA love interest tropes,” so he winds up seeming like a complete non-entity as a character. The show improved on this so much though. I absolutely have to give them credit for that. They did a great job both in making Mal a three dimensional and likable character, and in giving both Alina and Mal agency and letting them make their own choices. It really went a long way in letting them be three dimensional characters instead of pieces who got moved by thee plot, which was such an improvement.

To go back to the Russian language thing, my mother immigrated to the US from the Soviet Union, so I grew up speaking both English and Russian as a kid. I think this is called being a heritage speaker? So I’m not a native speaker, but Russian also isn’t exactly a second language for me. But it’s still extremely jarring to see near-nonsensical Russian in this book when it would have taken only a tiny bit of effort to make it correct! For example, the Ravkan part of the epic “I am not ruined, I am ruination” quote isn’t grammatically correct at all, and it sends me out of the story every time I read it... but one time I decided to see if I could make it grammatically correct, and it took me maybe 10 minutes with the help of Google Translate. A native speaker would’ve been able to do it faster and without Google Translate. It also took me several weeks of thinking about it to figure out where the word “otkazats’ya” came from, and that’s because 1. It’s actually a verb, not a noun (and it’s written slightly differently than how it’s pronounced, which made it harder for me personally to figure out since as a non-native speaker I’m not used to the quirks of written Russian) 2. It doesn’t mean “abandoned” like the book says, it’s more along the lines of “to politely refuse.” But it also would’ve been so easy to turn into a noun! You just change the word ending to make it a noun: make it “otkazat’niye,” which would translate to something like “the refused.” Easy fix!

Another thing is the last names not being gendered correctly- I understand why Leigh Bardugo may not have wanted to use patronymics, which is fine, it is a fantasy world so it doesn’t need to be an exact replica of real-life Russia- but why on earth not make Alina’s last name Starkova instead of Starkov, and Aleksander’s Morozov instead of Morozova? Baghra’s last name is correct, Aleksander and Ilya’s aren’t because Morozova is the female form. It’s not that complicated.

The fact that there’s a minor character whose name literally just means “hello” (Privyet) is also stupefying to me. It’s not like she ran out of names to use! Especially since she treats names and nicknames/diminutives as basically separate names, when they’re not.

...while we’re on the subject of names, as far as I can tell Mal’s first name is gibberish and obviously just an excuse to call him “Mal.” I don’t even know how to start fixing that, but a native speaker probably would.

The Grisha orders only ever being used in plural is also pretty jarring but again would’ve been a quick fix- “Corporalki” for multiple Healers/Heartrenders, “Corporalnik” for one male, “Corporalka” for one female, and then it’s the exact same endings for the other orders.

Obviously writing a fantasy world gives some leeway with language, but quite a lot of Ravkan isn’t her using Russian words in different ways or changing them in a way that makes sense, it’s just straight-up grammatically incorrect, poorly-used Russian. The few language changes that I feel made sense are things like having everyone drink kvas instead of vodka to make things feel more fantasy-like (kvas is a real drink, though I think it’s not alcoholic? But it’s what people always drink in Russian fairy tales) and changing “kaftan” to “kefta” so as not to evoke the 70s for readers who are going to be primarily American. Those are in line with what you’d expect to see in a fantasy, whereas using a verb as a noun, having incorrectly gendered last names, using only plurals, and using gibberish Russian when she could’ve easily NOT done that is just the author mangling a real-life language for no reason, and extremely jarring to anyone who speaks Russian.

Now, as for why I like Demon in the Wood so much- that’s actually a bit of a hard question to answer! I think it’s partly for character reasons- the Darkling is a fascinating character, and it’s really cool to get a glimpse into his childhood and see why he started down the path he did. The story really makes you feel for him. He’s an outcast among outcasts, and all he wants is the chance to live a life that doesn’t consist of running and hiding. He’s a kid who goes through something horrible and has to do something horrible to survive, and you can really understand why he fights so hard for power and stability for Grisha in TGT, even though by then he’s lost sight of who he’s really fighting for. Basically, Demon in the Wood made me go “OH MY GOSH, the Darkling is Grisha Magneto!” which is a really awesome character concept/parallel.

You also get to see a younger Baghra in Demon in the Wood, and she’s an equally fascinating character. She gets much more dimension in this story, and it really made me appreciate her a lot.

I think the other reason Demon in the Wood resonated for me is that it shows you just how bad things were for Grisha before the Darkling founded the Second Army. A bit of a tangent here, but I’m Jewish, so when I was reading TGT a question I kept wondering about was “where is the Jewish analogue in Ravka?” Turns out, Leigh Bardugo herself is Jewish, and she once said in an interview that while there aren’t meant to be any direct analogues to real-life peoples in the Grishaverse, there are a lot of parallels, and the Grisha themselves are the “Jews” of the Grishaverse. Which makes a lot of sense when you think about how Grisha in TGT are both looked down and considered elite at the same time. (I’m not going to go into it here, but this is historically how people have looked at Jews. All those antisemitic conspiracy theories about how Jews secretly run the world, etc.) Anyway, the Grisha village in Demon in the Wood and what happens during the story, and the way non-Grisha people are described to feel about Grisha in the story reminds me very much of what I know about Jewish history and how people have historically treated Jews. My thought about the Darkling being Grisha Magneto occurred to me way before I read that Leigh Bardugo interview, but everything about this clicks into place so neatly- it’s really well-done. She says in the interview that she did a ton of historical research for TGT, in addition to some previous knowledge that she talks about, so I have a feeling all these parallels are on purpose. Demon in the Wood is just a really interesting read because it lets you see how things were like for Grisha prior to the Second Army, and it shows you why the Darkling went down the path that he did. It’s essentially the inciting incident for everything he goes on to do, and it’s fascinating to put in context with everything he does in TGT.

Here’s a link to an article that talks about Judaism in Shadow and Bone and has lots of excerpts from the interview of Leigh’s I mentioned. It also links to that interview if you want to read it in full.

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket, SE03, Ep1

I’m here! The final season continues from where se02 oddly left, right in the middle of a conversation! XD.

-Tohru’s crushed heart (scarf): Excellent symbolism!

Tohru, burdened with trying to lift the curse of teen & adult sohmas, is now also troubled by trying to help Arisa’s romantic life is sad for akito! Too much for compassionate selfless tohru. Unable to help, protect & erase the pain, tohru crumbles. Freezes. Her white scarf (heart) flies away, gets crushed by cars & becomes dirty. But here comes a boy ( who thinks himself a monster) picks it up, cleans & returns it back. He thinks nothing of his deed. nothing heroic abt saving a scarf, really. But do we need to be heroes to save others? kyo saves tohru by being kyo. Not the zodiac cat & not the menacing monster. Her heart is saved by him, shown much care & returned back. Mind you, the heart (scarf) is not brand new after the delima. It’s not very clean after being crushed, some marks remain, but these are marks of growth!!! you walk away after hardships carrying minor scars of victory. This scene solidify kyo’s role in tohru’s life as an equal companion. Not a heroic prince charming. It is the little things he does that shows who he is. kyo isn’t abt big soft words, he doesn't say the best things. he is a man of action. His care, love & compassion comes so very easily & naturally to him thro actions. This is what yuki meant by saying he’s jealous of kyo. Yuki over thinks his steps & doubt everything before he acts. Kyo acts spontaneously then doubts himself later. He saves the scarf (heart) then tells her directly to buy another one if she feels it’s not clean. He failed to see how this trivial action meant the world to tohru. Tohru smiles lively cuz her heart is back to her.

Why is the scarf scene so important? (aka furuba’s best usage of symbolism yet!)

It symbolizes tohru’s toxic flaw that she must overcome! It represents tohru’s tormented heart over other ppl’s pain with severe neglect to her own problems & issues. Arisa’s love life shouldn’t be tohru’s delima, nor Akito’s complex or Kureno’s or the damned curse. Tohru toxically chooses to bear other burdens’ until they crush her.

Hana can’t come to save tohru from pain each time tohru indulges in it. Tohru must realize her own flaw & grow up beyond this toxic type of kindness. Feel & help others, but don’t use them to escape your pain & don’t indulge in their own struggles & neglect yourself. There is a reason hana’s knowing of tohru’s pain is thro “magical” waves, to symbolize that this can’t become a norm, not real. You can’t depend on magic to grow. I love that!

The white scarf bearing smudges of the tires even after kyo washed it shows that kyo’s love & care can’t magically heal all tohru’s pain. It parallels kyo’s words from se01, ep,24 when he said tohru didn’t heal all his pain, but he feels better simply cuz she stayed by his side. Tohru now is feeling better cuz kyo chose was there for her. Love doesn’t magically heal you, kids! But it sure puts you on the path! Also, this once again adds more depth to the (tohru/kyo) equal give & take dynamics.

This scene deconstruct the image of Tohru represented as an angelic mother throughout 2 seasons. Instead, It paints her as a real flawed girl with much need for growth. Exactly, like how we have learned by now that kyo isn’t a horrible monster nor a prince charming saving the day, but a flawed boy with much need for growth. However, these two push each other forward in a subtle way through daily situations! Excellent writing!!

-Kureno. (aka. who tohru should never become):

The harmful kindness: Kureno is someone who hurts himself & hurt many others (akito, arisa, shigure, & consequently the rest of the zodiacs) by giving the harmful types of kindness to akito, by completely erasing his own needs, desires & living for the sake of someone who would be far better without him. Kureno is who tohru might have become if she selflessly continues fighting solely for the sohma’s sake & trying to break the curse while ignoring her own life. She’ll become as miserable as kureno & the zodiacs will become dependable on her.

The destructive pity: Kureno pities this tormented child (akito) & chooses to stay with her until her tears dry. This pity is destructive cuz it is done while he wishes to be miles away with Arisa & it encourages akito to stay as she is. Look, a child whose mom hates her deserves pity. But an adult woman needs to learn to build relationships based on mutual affection & respect. This talk of pity reminds me of kyo & kagura. Kagura pitied the cat zodiac. The relationship was doomed cuz kyo refuses pity. It doesn’t matter if her pity turned into love later. Kyo doesn’t want that from her or anyone. There is NO equality there. We know tohru came to love kyo for all the times he was there for her & all the times he pushed her to improve, to complain, to want things! she said so in se01, ep, 24. But we also know that young baby tohru pitied the cat when her mom told her the zodiacs story. what if kyo thinks tohru’s affection is pity???? that’s a big NO for him & for every person. I really want tohru to be as far from any kurno’s traits as possible!!!

-Akito, the pitiful woman:

Akito was born a girl, forced to be raised as a boy by her mother’s demands? where is the father?? she was hated by her mother. why? she also hates her mom. (hate your child & they’ll hated you). So, akito is doomed by her mom. Akito tries to prove that she’s loved by the zodiac “she specified the male zodiacs” interesting! we saw how she hates both Isuzu & kisa & doesn’t give a damn abt kagura. This woman, forced to pose as a man, actually desires to be treated as a woman. As for the other zodiacs:

No worries abt hatori leaving cuz he’s 24/7 attending to her health.

Ayame makes tea exclusively for her & hatori.

she thinks Ritsu is too timid to attempt leaving.

Hiro’s a baby, momiji is hated cuz she can’t break him.

Kyo is destined to be locked. but Why she cares abt the cat anyway?? She publicly hates him & feels disgusted by him.

She used to control yuki but can’t anymore.

she uses intimacy to bound those who “can” leave her the most: kurno! & shigure? she sleeps next to shigure in the valentine ep. hatori remarked: don’t let akito catch cold. We saw the sexually charged rage in se02, ep10. So, she isn’t faithful to kureno. They don’t have a relationship. She doesn’t even have a relationship with shigure, either. to her, sex is a tool to tie them both to her?

It is ironic that the person who said she despises woman & accuses Isuzu of seducing hatori is herself seducing others. Except, tragically, kureno isn’t with her for herself, but cuz he pities her. We saw her slapping & embracing him. Next scene; her bare shoulders & his unbuttoned shirt clearly implies they got intimate which is what akito does to feel secure in kureno not leaving her. Kureno is not even interested in her despite submitting to her advances, needs & orders. He does it out of pity. Truly the most tragic form of physical affection: sex for pity. wow... how tragically pitiful is the abusive ruler of the zodiacs who looms over them & demands respect & eternal bonds. How can she find someone who’ll love her for herself, if she doesn’t learn to show good sides of her? Yuki wasn’t loved for who he is in school, but for being the “prince”, he showed his real character & got himself true friends & soon a lover!!!  Kyo, was feared & pitied for turning into a “monster”, but once he showed his kind & harmless self, he got himself true friends & a girl who loves him for his actual personality! Who will love akito for who she is if she only shows a spoiled child, horrible family head or a pitiful woman? What does shigure love in her? he doesn’t seem to pity her nor pamper her much, does he?  perhaps we’ll know more abt the real akito later.

Side notes:

Akito’s mom reminded me of kyo’s dad. Abused children, who are hated by their parents, don’t let go of the hurt easily. they’ll always try to either get their approval, show them they were worthy of their love, or they’re NOTHING like their parents think they are. eg: Kyo’s biological father’s hate has destroyed kyo. Kyo have kazuma & tohru & he still wonder why they love him. It took kyo 17 years to actually promise to call kazuma "dad” one day in se01 finale. You need time to heal the wounds inflected by the ones who should love you the most. Being loved by others doesn’t magically heal you! You need to take few steps forward.

Isuzu is Ren’s clone! finally understanding why the severe hate from akito towards Isuzu. I’ll wait for more Ren/Akito content before analyzing their relationship.

Ren is so sexy. ngl, the scene of the zodiacs touching her belly after she just *conceived* akito is so creepy~ ew! 

Hana picked up tohru first before kyo, cuz this show isn’t exclusive for romantic love as much as it isn’t exclusive for friendship. There is balance. 

Tohru needs her own future, so does Arisa & hana! Learn to accept the limit of what you can do as a friend, tohru.. forever loving furuba for steering away from “friends stay together forever~yay” anime trope! Furuba is abt independent & individual adult life! building your own future! Epic writing!

Forever fascinated by how much the little small ordinary daily life things has really built kyo-tohru love! It feels so real & very uniquely built! Excellent writing!

Arisa is stuck with an adult man trapping himself in the most unnecessary love triangle. Kureno’s cage is self made, no curse. A very sheltered boy/man not living in the real world. Only two options for kureno if he continues this path: he’ll hurt akito, or akito will hurt him. We know the answer from the trailer, don’t we?

Arisa letting go of kuron is growth! Let go & live, girl!

There is a subtle theme of learning to let go in furuba~

Yuki is the biggest kyoru shipper!

Tohru intentionally hitting kyo with scarf’s pon-pon is my fave side of her! intentional flirting shows change from her little girl’s good girl attitude to her own type of a feisty woman! after all, she’s nearly 18!

The way the camera moved when kyo spotted the scarf was so good!

The director is obsessed with flying!! did he work on attack on titans? cuz the Ren-akito flying fight reminded me of Titan Eren strangling Titan Annie in AOT se01 finale! but chibi version! XD. I’m sorry for akito’s pain, but I was distracted by laughing! XD

look, if you plan to dramatize a situation, know your budget & your skills. Obviously, the director knew the scene is badly done, hence, the wide far away, dim lit shot to hide as much as it can. Couldn’t he do without it? let akito strangle her to the ground without flying!

oh well~these over-the-top shots are now a furuba trade mark~ just praying they stick with one weird shot per season.

[wielderofmysteries]

Jace Beleren, Masculinity, and the Trans Experience

(This post is a Twitter thread I wrote in response to a Goblin Lore podcast episode called “Jace Beleren and Toxic Masculinity”.)

I feel I have a unique perspective on this topic as a trans man. Trans man Jace isn't my headcanon, but it's an interpretation I love. He's my favorite character of all time, and as a trans man, I feel like reading Jace's flaws as toxic masculinity isn't quite right.

There are several "pillars" of toxic masculinity that Jace doesn't have. He doesn't have the self-destructive emotional repression, worship of sex and violence, or desire to subjugate women and his peers that men who experience toxic masculinity have.

Even BEFORE Ixalan, Jace was an example of many positive masculine traits. He was curious and emotionally open. He wrongly believed he could make decisions for others, but he cared for people, wanted to protect them, and couldn't sit idly by when he knew people were in danger.

In Agents of Artifice, he financially provided for Kallist and Liliana, and in Magic Story invited the Gatewatch to live in his home. Jace wanted to heal Garruk, tried to stop his rampage and had a Hedron implanted in Garruk's shoulder to relieve the effects of the curse.

"I don't want to hurt you, Garruk."

"Lucky for me, I don't feel the same way."

"Garruk, this is not a fair fight. You've suffered enough. Please. Come with me."

[...]

Jace stood in thought. Garruk held him by the throat, could end his life in an eye blink, had already proven he was immune to Jace's illusions. Garruk laughed again. If Garruk was open to having friends, then Jace might have been a good one.

"You win," said Jace. "We will leave you alone. I will not seek you out. But please, if you change your mind, come find us on Ravnica. Something is still not right here. We can help you."

In "Revelation at the Eye" Jace tells Ugin that Zendikar isn't a puzzle to be solved, and that it didn't matter if killing the Eldrazi has consequences, there are real people on Zendikar fighting for their lives and he needs to help them.

"Zendikar isn't a puzzle to be solved," said Jace. "It's a place. It's somebody's home. And those people are out there, right now, fighting for their world and wondering if anybody's going to help them kill what's killing them."

He showed scenes of suffering, then—of families mourning the lost, of landscapes ravaged by Ulamog, of even the skies and seas teeming with the Eldrazi menace.

Ugin cocked his head. The hedron architecture of the chamber seemed to melt and flow, became a pattern of tessellating dragons mocking him from the walls.

"So certain," said Ugin, "and so young."

Ral Zarek tried to kill Jace and ruined his relationship with his close friend Emmara, but in "Project Lightning Bug", Jace forgives him. Jace is honest about his feelings with Ral even after Ral was openly rude to him.

"I don't remember home," Beleren said quietly, unbidden.

"What?"

"You talked about growing up in Ravnica. A lot of my memories from my childhood are gone. Chopped up in my head into a few impressions. Most of what I remember begins here, on Ravnica. I'll never have roots here the way you do, and I admit I'm off to other planes a lot. But I think of myself as Ravnican to the core, too."

In Kaladesh block he wanted Chandra to be able to confide in him, and didn't want to stay home when he heard she could be in trouble. He used his mind magic to help Nissa sleep when she had a sensory overload in the busy city.

Nissa looked up. Jace and Gideon were exchanging a look. Both glanced at her.

They stood as one.

Jace turned toward the coat room. "I'll head to Kaladesh. It should be easy for me to—"

Lavinia appeared in his path, one hand resting on the pommel her sword. "Again?" she said, in a weary, disappointed tone.

He frowned up at her. "You can't expect me to sit here and do paperwork!"

Across the streets, beyond the barricades, the Consulate's panharmonicons are still blaring "The Gremlin's Wedding March" at us on infinite repeat at double speed. They left them on all night, and after the moon set Nissa started crying, hands clamped over her ears.

[...]

Jace sat down with her. They talked a minute and his eyes flashed. She curled up in a big potted plant and didn't wake up until the sun fell on her.

But what does being a man mean to Jace Beleren? Well, take a look at his feelings towards Gideon. Jace saw Gideon as the male ideal. I think Jace admires (and is envious of) the way Gideon is a representation of positive masculinity.

Eyes widened, jaws set. They understood their task, he was certain of that. But were they actually prepared to perform it?

What would Gideon say?

Jace smiled. Of course.

"For Zendikar," he said, raising one fist in the air. It felt thin to him, lacking Gideon's armored fist, his baritone war cry, his iron conviction.

None of that mattered. The soldiers shouted as one voice, holding their weapons aloft.

"For Zendikar!"

Gideon is not violent or hypersexual. He's kind, not afraid to ask for help, a defender rather than an aggressor. The pillars of toxic masculinity are absent in both Jace and Gideon. So why does Gideon's mere presence make Jace insecure? I think that insecurity is dysphoria.

I'm only 5 feet tall. People treat me like a kid, think I need help, and certainly don't see me as a man because I'm very small. It feels bad knowing my looks don't inspire others or make them feel safe like big tall guys can.

Gideon is super tall, muscular, conventionally attractive. He's charismatic and a natural leader. Gideon's like a human lighthouse. Jace is average height, out-of-shape, often pale and sickly, and his telepathy makes people automatically distrust him.

It's easy to see why people follow Gideon's lead so easily rather than Jace's. As a trans man, I personally related to Jace's insecurity. He feels inadequate compared to Gideon.

"I'd rather stand," said Gideon.

Jace stood up. It was an error. He still had to crane his neck to look Gideon in the eye, and now the size difference between them was glaringly obvious. He hated feeling small. Hated it.

Jace wanting to lead the Gatewatch didn't come from a desire to dominate others and be an ~alpha male~, but from a desire for people to believe in him. What Jace really wants is to prove to himself and others that he's competent and that he can be trusted.

This vision appeared whenever the man was struggling at a task.

[...]

"Listen, you aren't really suited to this task. Let me handle it." The vision's voice was gruff but friendly.

It came off as condescending.

The man was annoyed.

"I can do it myself."

The hallucination sighed. "You and I both know you're not suited to this. Let me handle it, you go philosophize on the other end of the beach."

"I said I can do it myself." The man let his irritation reach his voice.

"No, you can't. I call the shots and execute, you stand to the side. That's how this works."

The man responded by throwing his hook at the hallucination. It went straight through the figure's eye and landed behind him on the sand.

The time he spends with Vraska is so good for him! I loved that [the podcasts hosts] talked about how he was finally happy to follow someone else's lead! He didn't need to be a leader, he needed someone to trust him. She respected and loved him and thought he was incredible for who he is.

Vraska looked him in the eye. "You're incredible. You know that, right?"

Jace returned her smile and felt his cheeks warming. "I do my best."

"Well, your best is incredible," Vraska said, turning toward the central tower and approaching a large gate on what appeared to be its back side.

Liliana never told Jace he was incredible.

Liliana would have scoffed. She would have made a dismissive joke, rolled her eyes, and called him a show-off. She would not bother to talk to him for days. She would consume the body of a demon with a crocodile's jaws and laugh over the sound of its flesh tearing off. She would do all sorts of things, but she would never call him incredible.

It was important for Jace to get that validation. Now he's not insecure about his appearance. It's not that he finally developed into someone who was caring. He was caring all along, but he was held back by insecurity about how others perceive him. He learned to love himself.

Despite all his good qualities and deeds he still felt insecure because it wasn't easy to visually see him as a "strong man". I think it's important to acknowledge positive masculinity even when the man in question isn't attractive or charismatic, and even if he makes mistakes.

As a trans person, Jace's experience reminded me of the struggle to "pass". It's frightening how easily insecurity can turn into toxic masculinity when you feel different from "real men". If you don't look the part, some people will just never acknowledge you.

Next to 'perfect' guys like Gideon, it's easy to see our own perceived weaknesses and shortcomings. Easy to feel resentment for it. But from this struggle comes the strive to be better men, to be confident in ourselves, and comfortable in our bodies.

There's SO much I wanted to talk about, like how Jace's trauma shaped his need for control, how the IRL gamer guys he was created to represent actually hate him, how he's a male victim of abuse by a female partner, etc but this thread is already terribly long.

TLDR; I think toxic masculinity as a reading of Jace is missing some perspective. The trans perspective. Not all insecurity men experience is toxic masculinity. Sorry I totally should have waited until part 2 was out, but I couldn't stop thinking about that episode.

There's a lack of trans men's voices in... basically everything, and this is something I think we should definitely be included in. I'm so grateful for the Vorthos community opening these kinds of discussions. Super excited for part 2 of the podcast!

[cadykeus-clay]

Would you mind sharing your thoughts about vex and Beau being cross campaign foils?

so!!!! first things first: apologies for taking weeks to answer this, finals + having adhd sometimes makes my brain turn to mush and forget every ask ive ever recieved. second of all, i’m assuming you sent me this bc of what i said in my vm vs. m9 how they view the world meta. and i’ll be real with you. i have exactly 0 memory of what was going through my head when i wrote that line, so i am simply going to type out a bunch of thoughts that i have on the similarities and differences between beau and vex and i hope that lives up to what you were expecting jsdflksjdksld

I'll detail some specifics in a moment, but overall, I think beau and vex share a very similar kind of trauma of exclusion in their formative years, that's caused them to have a lot of similar traits that manifest in different ways - for vex, she maintains control through her material posessions and beau finds an emotional control in her asshole-ness. I've broken this down into 5 points on which I think comparing the two really emphasizes that claim:

1. daddy issues: both beau and vex have awful no good terrible very bad dads. both syldor and thoreau can suck my ass. they both raised their kids with little love and impossible-to-meet expectations, alientating them and leaving them with lifelong feelings of inferiority and unbelonging. If beau and vex were to meet, i think they would have a very friendly toast to shitty dads, and then have a good drunk vent about it an hour later.

but, at the same time, the actual minutae of their trauma and the ways it manifests are nearly polar opposites. syldor wanted nothing to do with vex, or else wanted her to somehow become a full elf. her issue was that she would never be able to belong, despite her desire to, and as she grew up it lead to her being overly protective and even possessive of the people she found who DID accept her as she was. 

With beau, rather than exclusion, her father created an environment of toxic inclusion. He created a role for beau to belong in, disregarding her distate for actually fulfilling it. And, as such, she ended up making herself into someone who could have no expectations and pushed away anyone who tried to set them up for her. In the end, they both came to love themselves by abandoning the woman their father wanted them to be but for vex it was the laying down of an impossible dream and for beau it was the picking up of a mantle she had feared to wear.

2. brothers: now, on the topic of family, I also think its really interesting how their interactions with their brothers play out. We've got vex and vax, tied at the hip til the very end and then some; and then we've got beau and TJ - decades apart and with beau barely acknolwedging TJ's existence. But, even that distance between beau and TJ didn't stop her caring for him when they actually met. She gave him lucky Jade, and she entertained the idea of kidnapping him to get him away from her stinko dad. 

And I'd espeically like to talk about what she said outside the hag's hut - "I think Luc and TJ could be best friends", in comparison to the way Vex reacted when Vax told her was going to Zephrah with Keyleth for the year break. There's an aspect to the way they interact with their brothers that lets them slip back into those bad habits they formed growing up (NOT that i'm claiming vex and vax were like toxic for each other. but even good relationships can have unhealthy moments). 

With Beau, when she offers to give her happiness so TJ can grow up safe, she's trying to take on the role she's ""supposed"" to fill - the big sister, the protector - because she failed to fill the one her father set out. And with Vex, when she grows jealous of Vax, it's because she's afraid that his leaving with keyleth is a sign that she no longer belongs in his inner circle, and she falls back on that childish, desperate desire to do anything to be accepted unconditionally. 

3. romance: spoilers for 5 or so most recent m9 eps (115-120)  if you haven't watched them ahead!!!! at this point, both vex and beau have an endgame romance - percy and yasha respectively. Obviously as the m9's campaign is still playing out, that could change, but like. yasha wrote her a love letter and they're officially going on a date so i'm counting that as at least endgame-track rather than just random flirting. What's interesting to me is that they both seem to flip between the SAME roles between their (in-game) general perception and their actual pursual of romance. 

Vex gets characterized as a pretty big flirt, right? She's got the winks, the casual "darling". She's flashed grog her boobs on multiple instances with little prompting. Beau, similarly, has easily the most game out of anyone in the m9. She's slept with two guest characters and at least one more npc in the events of the game. Caleb made her a fuck mirror in her room in the mansion. And yet, in both of their actual romantic endeavors, they became the shy, uncertain type. 

Vex only confessed her feelings when Percy was laying dead before her, and not an hour of game play before percy kissed her in the woods, she had a talk with vax about how she was pretty sure he didn't like her that way and she didn't want to pursue it. Beau, similarly, spent a very long time convinced that yasha wasn't looking for love after zuala, especially not in anyone like her, asked everyone in the party if they thought yasha ACTUALLY liked her, just to be safe, and then still terrified to ask her out after recieving a literal love letter. I'd argue this shift comes from that same sense of unbelonging - they're very good at pretending they fit a role but doubt their actual right to take it when the opportunity is presented. This time, the role is the lover rather than the daughter.

4. authority: Both vex and beau grew up shunned by the upper crust of society, and grew to mistrust those kinds of people. And yet, both of their arcs result in them assuming such a position. Vex, thrown out of high society gets her place as a baronness, and Beau, running from leadership of her father's business ends up a top member of the Cobalt Soul. There's not a lot here, but I find it interesting how both of their stories involve them shedding their baggage regarding authority and power and assuming it in a way that they feel comfortable in - invitation by someone she trusts for vex, and a promise of freedom of will and control for beau.

5. their deadliest sins: this is the point at which their similarities culminate and transform to a fundamental difference. despite everything they share - shitty childhoods, the small piece of family that's still good, flirtiness masking shy love, and a mistrust of those in power - vex and beau are such different characters because of their biggest vices. Vex, both in game and out, is "the greedy one". She's stingy with money, she haggles for everything, she mourns the loss of physical objects. Beau is "the mean one". She cares little for people's feelings if they're not in her immediate circle, she focuses on her tough guy image, she laughs at things she knows she shouldn't. 

And, over the course of the campaign, as they find unconditional acceptance, they grow away from these traits (I won't say they grow out of them) because they heal from the things causing these vices to begin with. I've always been vocal about vex's greed being a manifestation of her class insecurity, and beau's asshole-ness stemming from her fear of being forced back into another position of complacency. And I stand by that now - all the similarities in their backstories are what tally up to these different women.

Despite her careful tally of party funds and her reflexive bargaining, vex is not cruel. she is not angry on her own behalf. She saves two boys from the market in the city of brass at great personal cost, she relinquishes an entire dragon's hoard to the devastated city of Westruun, she took the time to save a baby bear from a cage when she could have just cut and run after escaping her own. She's the first one most people go to when they need a shoulder to cry on, and she's devastated when they don't (thinkin about when Scanlan left). She carved "forgiveness" into the bow she stole from a man after killing him by proclaiming how much she loved someone, because she knew anger had no place in her heart.

And Beau, Beau is a bitch and she's harsh, but she doesn't hoard or protect like vex did. she spends her money without much of a second thought. She pitches in to help her friends buy a ton of glowsticks, and she loves to indulge in material desires like drink and good food and the nicer inn room. She's a member of an organization that's about making knowledge public rather than guarding it. And, though this may be controversial, I think her position with bowlgate of "its not our problem what cali wants to do with it", her long-standing mistrust of their alliance with the bright queen and  and more recently with the tomb takers of "i want to go in and talk, rather than assuming they're antagonistic, even if it puts us at a disadvantage" are both examples of this non-possessiveness too - she has no need or desire to get involved in controlling what other people are doing.

so, i guess the general conclusion here is: vex struggles to let go of things, of money, of people. beau struggles to let herself be known in case she gets wrongly interpreted again. they both fight feelings of inadequacy, they both fight the feelings of not belonging, of 'doing it wrong', they fight the perception of them as shitty people because of the shells they hide in despite their absolute hearts of gold.  but at the end of the day, vex's story is one of having to lay down what could never be hers so she can carry what is, and beau's story is one of allowing herself to be known so a place can be made for her.

[serendipitybutterfly]

Hoseok in Love and Relationships Tarot Reading

*These general readings are meant to be just that, very general. How a person acts in a relationship will be dependent on many factors and most people are likely to act differently depending on who they're with to some degree or another in any kind of relationship, romantic or not. This is just a light, general overview with a focus on the members core personality traits / tendencies when it comes to romance.

So... As is sometimes the case, the cards, rather than showing me a timeless general sense of how Hobi is when it comes to love and romance like I wanted... Showed me instead a very present image of his relationship to love and romance and... Unfortunately there are some things he needs to work on in order to get what he wants out of that department. But let's start from the top.

The tarot paints a very clear picture of where Hobi is at right now with this... The 4 of swords and 2 of cups paired tell me quite plainly... This boy loves to daydream about love. He'll probably lie down in bed listening to music and fantasise about his ideal relationship on a regular basis... And yet very rarely ever acts on this desire for love.

The reason for that lies in a deep anxiety and fear surrounding romantic love as seen with the 9 of swords and 5 of swords reversed... I'm seeing this quite clearly as a fear of being betrayed or cheated on rather than say, just worrying about being discovered dating by paparazzi or fans.

This is very likely due to past experiences he's had in love as with the ace of pentacles reversed and King of cups reversed I'm seeing that this is the area of his life in which he considers himself quite unlucky... And there's a kind of resigned energy to this too which just feels really sad and wrong for him...

Problem is... He isn't helping himself with his tendencies and preferences here... If we look at the archetype cards I pulled there's a great sense of conflicting energy... Look I just need to say it plainly... Hobi likes bad girls and he needs to stop! I'm not just saying he likes the 'baddie', very sexy or edgy types... Yeah, that kind of look or aesthetic does attract him, but that's not the issue, the issue is that what I'm seeing is that he has a tendency to be attracted to people who aren't very nice, people who want him for the wrong (materialistic) reasons, who treat him badly.

This seems to be some kind of strange opposites attract kind of thing because, in total contrast to his 'type', he himself seems so clean and pure energetically... There's this innocent, childlike desire in him to see the good in people despite outward appearances or what most people think or assume about people who are different... I also think he has that thing where he thinks he can change someone with a lot of issues for the better with 'love'...

The next problem though is that because he goes after problematic love interests, he then gets extra stressed and worried about what they're going to do... If they're being faithful, if they're telling the truth... It brings out a paranoid side of him and the toxic relationship would naturally unravel from there... Not a good situation overall.

What the oracle cards I pulled are telling me is that a lot of these tendencies may well be due to karma from past lives that he needs to work out through romantic relationships in this life... I do think that his major romantic relationship/s in this life will be with a karmic partner or partners, people he needs to learn to heal with and grow with... So it might not be the easiest road in romance for him overall but he has the the potential, if he becomes aware of these traits and lessons to be learnt, to have extremely intense, passionate and loving relationships... He just needs to do some inner work first... Figure out why he wants to go after a bad girl and turn her good... That old chestnut.

I also see from these cards that there's an interesting dichotomy wherein he can both seem very distant to his love interest (seemingly much more focused on his own career and goals than the relationship... Because his passion for his work is so intense) and yet, he will stubbornly cling to the sad remnants of this relationship far past the expiry date when things go south... Clinging to things that aren't good for him when it's obvious that it's time to let go is a big lesson here. As is learning to go after the right people rather than seeking out dark energy in love when he himself is so light... It feels almost like seeking out the pain he's afraid of...

So yeah... Like I said... The energy here is not as much an overall timeless energy like I was going for with these readings... It largely does feel very grounded in present energy to me, as if it's what he's been contemplating in this area of late, although I do think the message about his karmic relationships will be the case for him in this life... It's probably the reason he feels like he's unlucky in this area; because romantic relationships tend not to come easily to him. Well... I say if that's the case, quote some Shakespeare, 'the course of true love never did run smooth'... And do the inner work to get rid of that fear and anxiety and desire to seek out energy that drains and punishes... It's not easy, but the rewards for doing that inner work will be in meeting a partner that matches the vibration he raises himself to. It might take longer but he will spare himself some pain.

[andrewmoocow]

Steven Universe Alternate Future chapter 14: A Fusion Too Far (originally published on April 19, 2021)

AN: Well, time to get this big elephant out of the room before we move onto the big Part 2 finale. I'll be honest, I was kind of disappointed we didn't get any closure on Jasper and Lapis's relationship and that they'd turn into Vegeta and Goku respectively. But then again, I'm here to fix this myself, so here we go.

Synopsis: Steven helps Lapis and Jasper try to make up for the past.

Cast:

Zach Callison as Steven

Jennifer Paz as Lapis, Zuli, Diopside

Kimberly Brooks as Jasper, Cherry Quartz

Estelle as Garnet

Amy Sedaris as Teal Zircon, Diopside

Ian Jones Quartey as Snowflake Obsidian

Auli'I Cravalho as Orange Spodumene

Featuring Esmé Bianco as Malachite

--

"Okay Gems, Steven left me in charge of his interpretive dance class since he left, so I'm gonna need you all to work hard for him." Lapis ordered a class made up of Zuli, Cherry Quartz, Teal Zircon, Snowflake Obsidian, and Orange Spodumene while she set down a boombox and tightened the sweatband around her head. "Are we clear?"

"Yes ma'am!" the class of Gems shouted with a salute.

"Ooh, this is gonna be so much fun!" Zuli muttered cheerfully.

"I know, right?" Teal Zircon replied just as eagerly.

"Are we ready?" Lapis asked rhetorically as she switched on some music. "A five, six, seven, eight!"

"Same as it ever was, same as it ever was. Same as it ever was, same as it ever was." The stereo began playing as the class began copying Lapis's moves. When she twirled left, they twirled with her. When she jumped up and landed while pumping her fist in the air, they jumped up too. "Same as it ever was, same as it ever was. Same as it ever was, same as it ever was."

"I'm having so much fun!" TZ exclaimed excitedly as the class began freestyling, but her gem began glowing without her knowing.

"Me too!" Zuli replied as her gem began glowing as well. Suddenly, as the two stood dancing back to back, they transformed into a large mass of light and then, into a massive fusion bearing traits from both Gems. Unlike an average fusion, this one was a lot more deformed due to the accident that caused it.

"Uh, guys?" the fusion of Zuli and Teal boomed nervously as the rest of the class gazed in shock at her. "A little help here?"

"Uh oh, we got another fusion accident." Snowflake declared worriedly.

"I'll go get Amethyst and Pearl, hopefully they'll know what to do." Orange Spodumene stated as she raced to get help.

Lapis was just as stunned at the sight as her students, but for far different reasons than the rest. A Lapis fusing with another Gem that results in a big problem? That seemed all too familiar to her. "Uh, you know what? Class dismissed."

"Wait, Lapis!" Cherry Quartz cried out as their teacher flew away. "What about TZ and Zuli?!"

"Amethyst and Pearl got this covered!" Lapis called back to Cherry. "I just need to settle some problems of my own."

As Lapis continued flying, the fusion of Teal and Zuli continued standing there, contemplating what just happened. "So, anyone want to ask me what the weather is like from up here?"

--

"Now just breathe in, and out." Garnet instructed Steven as they took a private yoga class at the tower. "Let these troubled thoughts know that you won't let them take you over."

"Don't let them take over, don't let them take over." Steven repeated to himself while shutting his eyes, but he did let one thought take over as he heard someone land behind him. "Lapis?"

"Hey Steven, hey Garnet." Lapis greeted the two Gems.

"Did class end early for you?" Garnet asked the waterbender as she got up to face Lapis.

"Yeah, but there was a little problem." Lapis answered. "Teal Zircon and 2F8D accidentally fused during class, which really reminded me of a certain incident."

"You came to us because that reminded you of Malachite, right?" Steven asked. "You know, I've already made a mental note to get you and Jasper to make up for what happened while you were fused."

"I like that you want to help them amend for the past," Garnet smiled to Steven. "But I feel they won't forgive each other, since their time as Malachite was torture for both of them."

"Yeah, remember?" Lapis reminded Steven. "Jasper tormented me because I forced her to stay fused with me, but then I tormented her because she tormented me, and it was all one big cycle of abuse and toxicity until we were separated. I feel like if I really want to move on, I need to make up for at least some of my past actions."

"I know, no need to remind me of stuff I already know." Steven said. "But I still feel you two can make up somehow!"

--

"Absolutely not." Jasper declared angrily as Steven and Lapis stood before her in the forest later that day.

"Garnet warned you." Lapis cautioned Steven out of the corner of her mouth, but he didn't listen.

"Aw come on Jasper, Lapis really wants to apologize for torturing you while you two were fused as Malachite!" Steven begged Jasper to listen to him.

"Oh really?" Jasper raised an eyebrow in disgust. "The way I see it, I came out as far more stable once you freed me from her!" she bragged. "But I think a bit of my attitude may have rubbed off on the brat here. I mean, what has she done since we de-fused?"

"That's a bit personal." Lapis replied in shock at Jasper's accusations. "Also, YOU came out a little more stable? The first time we met since the island, you were begging on your knees to fuse with me again AND you started hunting down corrupted Gems just to get that feeling, which led to you getting corrupted yourself!"

"I think that's enough of this kind of back and forth for right now!" Steven got between the two Gems. "Why don't we try some trust exercises, like an icebreaker?"

"An icebreaker?" Jasper replied in confusion. "Well, there sure isn't any ice around here."

"No, it's not that kind of icebreaker." Lapis corrected her ex-fusion partner. "It's like you ask people questions to try and get to know them better. I'll start." She then cleared her throat. "What do you like to do in your free time?"

"Training, brooding, terminating all kinds of Earthlings that try to invade my territory." Jasper responded. "What about you?"

"A lot of stuff." Lapis replied. "I really like making meep morps, collecting leaves, dancing-"

"What on Earth is a meep morp?" Jasper interrupted Lapis. "Sounds like some dumb human ritual."

"It's what she and Peridot call art." Steven informed the larger Gem. "Now Lapis, please continue."

"Gladly." Lapis said. "I also love watching this show with Peridot called Camp Pining Hearts. It's a Great North drama set in a summer camp where all the campers compete against each other in Color Wars."

"Sounds dumb, kind of like you." Jasper rudely declared, which got Lapis mad.

"Now you see here you big lug!" Lapis yelled. "Camp Pining Hearts is good-natured, cheesy dramatic fun! Well, except for Season 5, that was utter garbage."

"Kind of like your attempts to try and "make up" with me." Jasper replied in air quotes.

"Okay, maybe icebreakers aren't working very well but hey," Steven interrupted the bickering pair. "Why don't we try something different, like trust falls?"

"What's that?" Lapis and Jasper asked in unison.

--

Steven would soon answer that question by having Jasper stand with her back facing towards the edge of a cliff, with Lapis spreading her arms out down below. "It's exactly what it sounds like." Steven explained. "One of you has to fall over and put their trust in the other person to catch them."

"Yeah, I don't buy this." Jasper snarled as she turned around to face Steven and Lapis from above. "I could easily crush her, as much as I really want to."

"For once, I think I'm gonna side with Jasper on this one." Lapis agreed with the larger Gem, making herself sick to her stomach. "I never thought I'd say that."

"Okay, change of plans." Steven suggested. "Lapis falls and Jasper has to catch her, sound good?"

"That makes more sense." Lapis obliged and flew up to the cliff while Jasper dropped down to meet Steven.

"Okay, now close your eyes Lapis, and let Jasper catch you." Steven commanded the ocean Gem.

"Alright then." Lapis replied as she shut her eyes. "Are you still standing there Jasper?"

"Yes, yes I am." Jasper responded with her arms spread out. "Now fall already!"

Lapis did as she was told and leaned off the edge of the cliff, allowing herself to start falling to the ground. But when she came close to returning to solid earth, Jasper casually moved out of the way, letting Lapis instead fall back first onto the grass.

"Jasper!" Steven scolded the bigger Gem.

"What, you never said how to catch her." Jasper grinned nervously, and Steven returned it with an irritated glare. Lapis just facepalmed as she got up off the ground.

--

"Okay, let's try another team building exercise." Steven stated while walking Jasper and Lapis through the forest. "Here's the deal, one of you has to wear a blindfold and walk through the woods while the other one has to give instructions." He opened up his jacket and pulled out some cloth to serve as a blindfold. "Now who wants to go first?"

"Give me that." Jasper ordered as she snatched the cloth from Steven's hand and tried to wrap it around her head. Unfortunately for Jasper, the knot she tried to make wasn't very good. "Come on, stay on my head you stupid Earth material!"

"Guess that means I'll have to tell her what to do." Lapis realized while Steven tied the blindfold around Jasper's head for her. "For once."

"Okay, are you ready guys?" Steven asked the pair as he finished tying a tight knot on the blindfold.

"Uh, yes." Lapis nervously said.

"Uh, where are you two?" Jasper asked while facing away from Steven and Lapis. "I can clearly hear you, but I can't see you. What kind of torture device is this?!"

"I can see you're already getting the hang of this." Lapis grinned snarkily. "Okay, first, you gotta walk towards those trees over there." She pointed over to a group of trees lined up nearby. "Got that?"

"What trees? All I see is white!" Jasper barked before Steven put his hands on her hips and guided her towards the trees.

"Okay, next, follow the trees until you hear rushing water." Lapis grinned mischievously while Jasper did as she told and she and Steven followed her. "I can see you're getting warmer."

"And I have a bad feeling about this." Jasper muttered while following the sound of racing water. The source of the sound came from a nearby raging river, and Jasper was about to fall over before Lapis gave her next command.

"Okay, stop!" Lapis ordered, telling the big quartz to halt in her tracks before she gave one last order. "Now that we found the source of the rushing water, jump in."

"I don't know where this is going, but if you say so." Jasper obliged and jumped into the river, but she realized too late what she got herself into. "What is this?!" Jasper yelled as she ripped the blindfold off her face and realized she was drifting down the stream. "Lapis, you tricked me! I'll get you for this!"

"Lapis!" Steven scolded Lapis, who just replied with a shrug.

"I punched her sky high and she turned out fine." Lapis responded. "She can survive this." Despite her protests, a disappointed glare from Steven forced Lapis to fly up and race after Jasper to save her from the river.

--

"If this is payback for letting you fall, I understand why but this is totally disproportionate!" Jasper yelled as the force of the river continued carrying her throughout the forest. "Um, can anyone please help me?"

Jasper's prayers were soon answered, though not in the way she wanted. Lapis soared over the drifting Gem and prepared to pick her up with the river water, but Jasper instead grabbed her by the hand and pulled her down. "Oh no, you don't! You started this, and now you're coming with me!"

"I was only trying to help you!" Lapis yelled crossly. "Though Steven forced me to do it, but still!"

"You help me?" Jasper said before she let out a loud cackle. "Maybe when I get shattered!" The big Gem kept on laughing much to Lapis's irritation, but she was soon cut off when she realized the river was going to lead to a waterfall. "Uh oh.

"Don't tell me, we're going to go over a waterfall." Lapis deadpanned.

"Indeed." Jasper confirmed just as deadpan.

"Sharp rocks at the bottom?" Lapis then asked.

"No, unfortunately."

"Doesn't matter, bring it on."

And just like that, the bickering pair put aside their differences and came together screaming as they went over the waterfall.

--

As soon as Lapis and Jasper got out of the mountainside lake that the waterfall led to, Steven stood there with his arms crossed and crossly tapping his foot. "You two are unbelievable!" he chastised the two. "I just want you to forgive each other for Malachite and at least be friendlier to each other! Is that too much to ask?!"

"Steven, you have to learn that sometimes, even when two enemies become friends," Lapis said to Steven. "there's no chance they'll instantly treat the horrible things they did to each other in the past like someone stole forty cakes or something."

"I concur." Jasper nodded.

"See, another thing you two can agree on." Steven nodded in exasperation. "How about this? You say at least one nice thing about each other, and that's it. Understand?"

"Okay, if it makes you chill out a bit." Lapis shivered at Steven's current behavior and turned to Jasper. "Well, I'll give you this Jasper. You may not have wanted to do all those activities, but at least you didn't just give up on them."

"Kind of like how you never gave up on treating me like trash." Jasper harangued in reply, stunning Steven and Lapis. "Just look at you Lapis. Even years after we split, you keep on refusing to treat me with kindness."

"What kindness?" Lapis growled. "You never treated me like that, so what makes you think-"

"LET ME FINISH!" Jasper boomed. "You abused me, and what do you get? A nice life with that Peridot, being a member of the Crystal Gems and living at that stupid Little Homeworld! Meanwhile, I've spent my entire life neglected and tortured on this worthless planet, yet you get off scot-free for all the horrendous things you've done! Let's face it, you may think everything's all okay, but I'm still the only one who's seen you for the monster you are."

Throughout Jasper's furious lecture, Steven stood there in shock at how nothing had been going his way today. All he wanted to do was help two enemies become friends, but nothing had worked. And as Jasper kept on accusing Lapis, he slowly began to turn pink until finally, he snapped. "ENOUGH!"

"Again?!" Jasper yelled at the sight of Steven turning pink again.

"This is new!" Lapis exclaimed.

"I just wanted you to make friends, but neither of you are listening to me!" Steven yelled as the force of his tantrum knocked the two Gems off their feet and back into the lake. "Why can't anything go the way I wanted to FOR ONCE?!"

With a single stomp of his foot, Steven almost caused an earthquake, and the mountain above them began to violently shake until it resulted in a rockslide. As he came back to his senses, Steven realized just how bad he had made things. "Oh no!"

"Steven!" Lapis cried out and tried racing to rescue Steven, but Jasper held her back.

"Leave the kid, he can survive this!" Jasper discouraged Lapis from saving her friend.

"But he's one of my best friends, and your Diamond!" Lapis replied. "You wouldn't want to see him get hurt too, right?"

"Correction, Pink Diamond is my Diamond." Jasper admonished snootily. "That right there is just her son who thinks he can walk around making people do what he wants just because of his lineage."

"But still, you wouldn't want Pink to die again, right?" Lapis said when she got an idea. "Wait a minute! Let's fuse!"

"You're joking, right?" Jasper said in utter disbelief.

"We got no other choice, please!" Lapis begged her ex-fusion partner while reaching her hand out. "Come on, just say yes!"

Lapis was right, they did have no other option, though Jasper believed she was making things up just to make Steven happy. But regardless, Lapis did make a good argument.

"Fine." Jasper finally relented and took the blue Gem's smaller hand. "But we are never doing this again, capiche?"

"You got it." Lapis obliged before she was twirled around and caught by Jasper in a dip, and then they started glowing as their forms began to merge.

--

"Of course something horrible happens when I try to do good." Steven admitted in defeat as the rockslide began to get closer. He didn't even try thinking of escaping or protecting himself, believing that this was to be his fate. "Lapis, Jasper, everyone. I'm sorry."

Just then, a massive turquoise figure with two sets of arms, one dainty pair and one burly, came flying from the lake and landed in front of Steven. He could see that on her back was Lapis's gem and when the Gem turned to face him, she had Jasper's gem on her face. The more graceful hands picked Steven up while the bigger hands got to work on forcing the rockslide back with a seemingly infinite series of massive punches. "RAAAAAAAHHHHHH!"

"Lapis?!" Steven gasped at what he was seeing. "Jasper?!"

"Yes, it's us!" Malachite said. Unlike the last time Steven saw the fusion of Jasper and Lapis, she instead had a British accent of sorts. However, Lapis's softer tone could be heard until she suddenly switched to Jasper's rougher tone. "Now keep quiet while you're being saved!"

Steven did indeed stay quiet as Malachite held him in one pair of hands while the other pair finished punching the last of the rocks away. "Are you okay?" she asked.

"I'm fine." Steven panted nervously.

"Good, let's go home." Malachite smiled, when her head suddenly twitched and Jasper started taking control of the fusion. "Seriously, how did he not try to run or protect himself?!"

"Really ruining the mood here!" Lapis's side of Malachite argued as she began to fly away from the lake.

--

The two halves of Malachite's personality kept on arguing while she flew Steven back to Jasper's cave, until they finally touched down and de-fused.

"I still can't believe it!" Steven exclaimed happily. "You guys fused, and neither of you was forced to do so!"

"Well to be fair, Lapis kind of forced me to fuse with her because she kept convincing me you were her Diamond, like everyone else does." Jasper said as she decided to return to her cave.

"But still, it was nice to have something to work together on, right?" Lapis said.

"Okay, I'll admit, it was nice to have a common goal for once." Jasper agreed. "Look, like you said, the past can never be forgotten. But I think that might be a good first step."

"Yeah." Lapis replied.

"Well, guess we should be going now." Steven said while he and Lapis prepared to leave. "See you again soon Jasper."

"Whatever." Jasper groaned while fully retreating into her cave.

"So, how was it?" Steven asked Lapis while they walked back to Little Homeschool.

"It was real weird at first, especially when we became Malachite again." Lapis admitted. "Even though we still were fighting for control, I think we may have made a breakthrough on Jasper. Who knows, maybe you're right and we could become friends one day."

"Yeah, who knows." Steven sighed happily until he came to a realization. "Hey, speaking of fusions, how are Zuli and TZ doing right now?"

--

"Uh, still need a little help here." The fusion of Zuli and Teal Zircon, now dubbed Diopside by the other Gems, called out while everyone gathered to gaze at the new fusion. "Is there any way to turn this off?"

--

I have a feeling this chapter is going to divide people, but I feel like it was finally time to deliver a reconciliation that was as in-character for both Lapis and Jasper as I could, and give us a slightly more stable Malachite that was more Two-Face than monstrous depiction of a toxic relationship. Speaking of which, did you know malachites become less toxic when sealed? But enough talk, next chapter is the beginning of Part 2's big finale, and I am so excited to finally focus more on a certain Rutile and her Topaz.

[kzspbrak]

Montgomery De La Cruz Masterpost

Before I start his, I want to warn for spoilers obviously, and also say that I do not condone what Monty did to many of the characters, and he is by no means a good person—and I will not be trying to argue that. However, I will be analysing his character to the best of my abilities and show how he is one of the most complex the show has to offer. I’d also like to say that if I’ve missed anything or anyone disagrees with anything I’ve said, please add it below or carry this on!!

I also might carry this on if I realise I forgot anything or have any new ideas, this will probably be quite messy too—so apologies in advance.

Abuse

It is made very apparent to us that Monty is abused throughout the show as a whole. His dad beats him to the point where he has to run away relatively frequently to hide from his dad. We also see in season 3 that his dad is exceptionally homophobic, which comes in more later.

Some of the effects physical abuse can have on a person include behaviour issues, criminal behaviour, depression, drug and alcohol problems, issues at school, and anxiety. Montgomery shows that he has many of these traits—even if it’s just minor, showing us that the abuse he has received for his whole life is what shaped him into the monster he can be.

Parallels with Justin

The physical abuse also draws some heavy parallels with Justin, especially when you look at the two’s friendships with Bryce. Both boys felt the need to protect Bryce until the end and heavily depended on him (even in season 3 we see Justin still have communication with Bryce). Their friendships with Bryce are also similar because of how little Bryce needs them in return, and how easily he drops them both.

It is very clear that Justin is jealous of Bryce throughout season one—we see him walk around his house and get extremely upset over his seemingly perfect family life and home environment. We don’t get this with Monty, but the already drawn parallels can suggest that he felt the same, or even stronger towards Bryce. The abuse that both Justin and Monty receive at home is what draws them to Bryce, he was their protection, their only family and the one person they thought they could trust. This, as we know, leads Justin to lie to Jessica about Bryce raping her to protect Bryce, and we see Monty go even further to protect him throughout season 2 as he threatens and torments the people testifying against Bryce.

Sexuality and Self Hatred

Internalised Homophobia

The root of Monty’s internalised homophobia is his dad, and then isn’t helped by the toxic masculinity and homophobic attitudes his friends also hold. Many people, that I’ve seen, are unhappy that they made Montgomery gay, because it takes away from or redeems what he did. If you pay attention to the little screen time he’s given in the previous two seasons, it isn’t that difficult to work out. He is the very realistic homophobic bully that’s actually gay. It’s sadly a common thing, and anything but a simple redemption arc. Montgomery’s whole character is rooted in hatred—hatred towards himself and his desires, his peers for being happy and comfortable with themselves, his dad and family life, and at the people trying to take away the one person ‘protecting’ him. The root of this hatred is shown to be internalised homophobia in season 3.

The internalised homophobia he has also shows through somewhat anxious behaviour at times, as well as violent outbursts. For example him getting worked up in the car with Bryce, worried that Winston would speak up after taking the money—Bryce just sees that as him not wanting the police to get involved, but as the audience we know it’s about something much more terrifying to Monty.

Winston

Montgomery’s first interaction with Winston also links into his self hatred. He gives into his desires/urges and has Winston suck his dick, again I’ve seen people say that this scene was bad—and Monty was a bad person for the way he treated Winston. I disagree, if you watch the scene Winston is going along with the situation, and shows no signs of being uncomfortable. Monty, however, is very obviously mad at himself for giving in—and later lashes out on Winston as a way to cope with it.

Later on in the series, after Bryce is done with Monty for good, and calls him a coward, Monty runs into Winston again—this time he’s nice to him, and they enjoy the weekend together. You could say that in a way, Bryce calling him a coward is what lead him to go through with seeing Winston again, Montgomery obviously knew he was gay—he was just scared of it and hated himself because of it. He knew he was a coward, and tried to get over the internalised homophobia.

“You can be whatever you want to be.” / “No, I can’t.”

This line really stuck with me, and I think is because of how many things it could mean. It sums up Monty as a character in a sense.

You could interpret it as him wanting to be happy in who he is as a gay man, but knowing he won’t allow himself to be, or his friends and family won’t. It could mean that he doesn’t want to be gay, but he has to except that he is. Or it could go a lot deeper, Montgomery wants to be happy, have a family, have his friend back, be with winston, not be with winston—so many things, and in reality he knows he can’t have any of them.

There is also the context of him raping Tyler, he knows he did it and he also knows that Bryce knows, so he’s probably already aware that Tyler will come forward at one point.

I personally like to interpret the line, after talking about it with a few friends, as him wanting to be happy in who he is. He knows he’s gay, he knows that he likes winston to some extent, and he knows that his family and friends would disown him if they found out. He wants to have everything he doesn’t that Bryce and everyone else seems to have, but knows that it’s impossible. He wants to not be a coward, essentially, he doesn’t want to be the coward who followed Bryce, got beat by his dad his entire life, the coward who was always so scared of himself.

Friendships

Bryce Walker

I’ve already established how dependant Monty was on Bryce, however there is a lot more too it. Monty’s dependence on Bryce also turns into a form of admiration for his friend (and with the new context of his sexuality, could be interpreted as repressed feelings as well). This, as I’ve said, leads Monty to harass and threaten those on the tapes by either physically harming them or anonymously threatening them. Bryce didn’t know Monty did any of that, and when he finds out is disgusted with his friend. He ends their friendship, as he didn’t need the friendship nearly as much as Montgomery did, which leaves Monty devastated and angry. This is also what partially pushes him to later assault Tyler.

“If I sell out Bryce or lie, either way, my whole life falls apart. I got no one else on my side. I can't run home. That team's my home. Going to playoffs, winning state, being an athlete, that's not about fun for me. It's about survival. It's all I got. It's everything. So you wanna shoot me? Shoot me.”

This quote shows us everything about his and Bryce’s relationship—he has no one else. Bryce is the only person he truly feels like he can trust and will therefore do anything to protect him.

Scott, Justin, Charlie and Alex

All of these people are former friends (Alex less so, but pretty much the same anaylisis applies to them all). Before and during the tapes/before it was revealed Bryce was a rapist, he had a group. He had his place as a jock and his family, so as these friends slowly leave him as things go on, Monty’s circle becomes smaller and smaller—pushing him to protect Bryce even more.

Tyler Down

When most people think of Montgomery, they think of what he did to Tyler. I think it’s fair to say that he didn’t rape Tyler purely down to just being a monster. Him and Bryce contrast extremely in this situation, Bryce raped the girls he did because he felt entitled to them, he was so used to getting anything and everything he had little regard for anyone, causing him to do monstrous things.

Montgomery raping Tyler had nothing to do with sex or entitlement however, and he even refused to see it as rape throughout the 3rd season (probably down to having to accept that meant he had sexual contact with Tyler, consensual or not.)

And I’d like to clarify, I’m not here to justify what he did or say that he’s a good guy despite it. What he did obviously requires being an awful person—however, I would like to break down what made him the monster he was.

The abuse didn’t help, violence was all he knew, and as the show carried on he got more and more violent with his peers, as his dad presumably did with him. It is also made clear to us as the viewers that football is all Monty had: he was failing classes, had no support from anyone and couldn’t do anything with his life after high school. So, Tyler taking away football from him caused him to snap, and then Bryce ending their friendship due to being disgusted by Monty’s attempts to protect him only added to the fuel.

I personally, despite believing the rape was necessary for the plot and to show male sexual assault also happens, don’t believe Montgomery should’ve been the one to do it. It makes perfect sense to a degree, especially when you see him refusing to call it what it is in season 3, but I wish they had either kept the scene the same but stopped at the mop bit (and maybe have one of the other boys do it to Tyler after Monty left), or show it in a different way.

Montgomery was always an awful person, but he was capable of redemption, and I think seeing him change and accept himself as he started to towards the end of season 3 is an equally important story to show.

However, he did rape Tyler, and despite being his decision and completely his fault, you have to look at what pushed him to do it. It has a weird parallel to Tyler almost shooting up the school, except Montgomery didn’t have anyone to stop him and help him recover like Tyler did.

Conclusion and what I think should’ve happened with his character

I know that many people will disagree with me on this, because in some ways Montgomery is worse than Bryce. But I would argue that he is just as much a victim as Tyler. They are both filled with self hatred, and both turned to extreme violence to try to make themselves feel better, but ultimately Tyler had support where monty didn’t. Rape and shooting up a school are obviously very different things, and the crimes show the difference between the two characters. Montgomery took all his self hatred and put it on one person, and did the worst thing he could to that person, whereas Tyler projected his everywhere, and was prepared to do a far more damaging crime because of that.

Personally, if I could rewrite Monty’s story I would have him not rape Tyler, despite not being out of character, I think there were better ways to do it. The scene could’ve been the exact same except stop when Monty grabbed the mop, either because he realised it would be rape and he didn’t want to be any type of sexual with other man, or because he’s a ‘coward’ and couldn’t follow through with it.

I think his developments in the third season should’ve remained the same, and instead of having him framed as the murderer at the end, maybe he was a suspect throughout the show? And the audience is convinced it was either him or clay. Monty didn’t have an alibi because he was with winston, and refused to admit that’s where he was because he still refused to accept he was gay, and didn’t want anyone else to find out.

I know this doesn’t count as character analysis, and is much closer to fan fiction. However, I do believe that the homophobic bully who’s actually gay is an important trope. Many people see it was offensive and bad representation, which I get, but the trope can be done well. And example of a poorly done homophobic gay character is Adam in Sex Education, I think it would’ve been fine as long as he didn’t bully Eric specifically because he had feelings for him. That’s why I don’t see Monty’s gayness as a bad thing, because it’s not like he bullied Winston for being gay the previous two seasons, he acted generally homophobic (to an extreme in some cases) because he was petrified someone would find out about his secrets.

In conclusion, they could’ve done far better with Montgomery as a character, and I am disappointed in how they ended his story—but it was predictable from the start and still makes sense with the plot. I do wish that the general audience would look at his character with even a sliver of the sympathy they have for every other character. You have to remember that no one in 13rw is an innocent or good person—they have all done awful things. Should monty be forgiven for raping Tyler? Of course not, but should Alex be forgiven for killing Bryce? Should Tyler be forgiven for almost shooting up the school? Should Ani be forgiven for lying and framing Monty as a murderer? Should Justin be forgiven for lying to Jessica? Should any of them be forgiven for any of the crimes they committed?

[kirliancamera1]

Rede Vamp Brazil (https://redevampirica.com) interviews Elena Alice Fossi of Kirlian Camera (English text attached hereunder) 🔥🔥🔥

Question 1: Be very welcome to AcessoRedeVamp, it's a true honor to realize this interview with you Elena Alice! You are a great singer and more every time we see you on stage your performance transmits great emotion and this electrifies all of us! You tell a real story with your performance and this is amazing and rare these days! At the same time, we perceive an expressive revolt against an old world and its stagnant postures. How have you handled 2020?

*** EAF – First of all, I wanna thank you for your words. Being able to communicate with the people who follow us is the most important thing to me. Singing becomes ephemeral if doesn't convey a message. Also for this reason I consider that the stage is the base of a musician, so you can imagine how I miss it. In this sense, it can be said that the category we belong to is very unlucky, not only because it's forced not to work, but rather 'cause concerts are pure lifeblood for a musician's soul. In any case, both Angelo and I can't stand self-pity people, so we immediately jumped into new musical projects, putting top concentration on composition. At any rate, we couldn't be simple observers of an event on this scale, so right from the beginning we tried to dig deep, looking for, and comparing news, data, statistics, whether they came from mainstream channels or from alternative sources. In Italy, for example, the economy has been torn to pieces and furthermore, the same politicians who mourn the dead on TV... cut so many funds for health facilities for a long time, so they may be considered taking part in such a mess. This situation has created a real drama, especially for families who have lost their loved ones without even having a chance to say goodbye one last time. But, it's also true that the worldwide exploitation of this pandemic has given us, we citizens, an opportunity to wake up. No need to use words such as anarchy or rebellion to understand that the old world is showing all kinds of holes. "Divide et impera" is the motto of several governments, so we citizens must not fall into the trap of making war on each other, each nonsense comes up! This is the time to show ourselves united. And, most of all, it’s time not to turn ourselves into servile dogs of a “Power” becoming more and more antidemocratic.

Question 2: Do you feel that the marks left by the year 2020 will bring some effective changes to this "abstraction" called humanity? Will there be a "new normal" or will we just return to an average 2019 when this whole pandemic passes?

*** EAF - If I’d been told about what we have experienced for almost one year, I’d have thought it was a joke, bullshit. But unluckily this is not the case. Such an event has brought much grief and is ruining the economic system of many nations, as already said. But in addition to the injury, here it comes the insult from the absurd and chaotic dictates imposed on us. I'll give you some examples of what's happening here in Italy. “Don't go out after 10 pm”. While people keep on getting sick or even dying, here comes the policeman with a ticket 'cause you left home for a goddam moment. I have this picture on my mind, of a person in pajamas, carrying the garbage bag full of stinking mussel shells at less than one hundred meters from home in a totally deserted night. At that point a flash on him. It’s the police who writes a ticket to that dangerous criminal. And then, for everyone's sake, the Christmas mass was moved from the usual midnight to 8 pm. How the hell can you think it's not a mockery? And... the last “gag”! Before Christmas, our Minister of technological innovation made an appeal to telephone companies so that video calls were free on Christmas days... But what year does she live in? But... is she not able to understand that in Italy almost everyone has either unlimited gigas or wifi? Nothing changes if the telephone companies for a couple of days give us video calls because we already use free services such as Whatsapp, Skype, Zoom, Telegram, and so on and so forth... Ok, in a vain attempt to avoid death, they are putting us in an induced coma! Seriously, all this offends our intelligence! And, when you realize you are inside a joke, you don't like to discover you're the main character, do you?! So, to answer your question, I couldn't foresee how a post-covid society will be reshaped, but the severe weakening that now is burdening us will have some major impact, no doubt. Currently, most folks are obsessed with fear, so are unable to reflect on the consequences of unconstitutional actions such as those foolishly propagated by many States. Furthermore, the pharma companies, the giants of the online shopping industry and many other powerful satanic puppet masters who are used to appear as philanthropists are ready to get their hands on everything, well pleased with the next “big reset”. So, after the pandemic, things will change a lot! For sure, from a human point of view, the feelings will be devitalized.

Question 3: Hologram Moon is a great name! Evokes conspirations like what really is the moon and this strangeness opens a vast creative field to find answers or even new questions... please tell us a bit more about this album, his name, songs...

*** EAF - "Fake is your face" is one of the phrases that most resonate in me when I sing "Holograms", or when in “Lost Islands” the old world said “Goodbye”! It's as if you had to face a new reset, as if you discovered everything you've always believed is swept away in an instant. There's the awareness that in the face of a new and suffocating truth, when the sky collapses, only true love can resist and guide you. In this sense, the final track of the album, “Travellers’ Testament” is a real stone on my heart, as it describes a fantastic journey to a planet. The astronaut is now impatient to fulfill his dream, but he will never arrive on that planet. The landing will take place on a space station. The moon landing's been questioned over and over again and certain evidence of the fact's inconsistency eventually seems credible. But we cannot say what reality is in any scientific way, especially when we're already prepared to believe a reassuring source. This is a simple starting point to embark on our history. More than finding answers, our sacred duty is to open the door to new questions, ask doubts, not take anything for granted. “Hologram Moon” is a purely poetic vision, but also a way to question everything. The mind can atrophy very easily. Habit, for example, can be complicit in this and the so-called comfort zone can be just complicit as well. The hypnosis that we suffer every day without realizing it, also grinding so many and bad TV shows, and so on... So, let's remain thinking and dreaming! This is a message from us.

Question 4: How was the experience of working with Covenant's Eskil Simonsson on the beautiful "Sky Collapse"?

*** EAF - We had come across Covenant several times before doing this collaboration; on festival occasions, in the dressing rooms... But it was a chaotic situation, so... we gave each other a fleeting smile, a kind greeting, but nothing more. Then, when Angelo and I wrote “Sky Collapse”, we immediately thought that a deep and sincere voice like Eskil's would add something precious to the song. Even before recording the two-voice song, we met at a charity festival. We had called him as a guest just to sing this song together, which was yet unreleased. He made himself available immediately. It was a nice gift for us and when the moment came, I think that on stage you could feel my strong emotion all the way down the hall!

Question 5: Well, I think now we will have our fan moment! Let's talk about some Kirlian Camera songs that our DJs and the audience of the REDE VAMP love it? Do I speak the name and may you tell a little about the meanings, influences, or a curious story?

*** EAF ***

>>> NIGHTGLORY. It refers to the triumph of the night, perhaps as a momentary spiritual retreat. I'm talking about that precious moment that regenerates your very existence into yourself. The music of this song was born in a symphonic form, very different from how Nightglory was then arranged. This is a song and an album that has been appreciated by many people only after some time, partly because of a promotion that described the album as the most commercial in our history, which is absolutely harmful and misleading. Invisible Front and Eclipse were even more listenable, for example... Sometimes words spoil your work. It would be better to listen to music only, ignoring its promotional presentation. Fortunately, Nightglory has recovered over time till becoming one of the most requested live songs of ours.

>>> BLACK AUGUST. In this song there are various hints coming out from a dark moment in my life, I mean a period that risked devouring me. Wounds that take time to heal. Sky Collapse can be considered the final act of that period, even if the music of the two songs sounds very different, as you know. Black August blends various stylistic dimensions in a single “body of music”, so many didn't know how to label it at the time, as it effectively goes running free, out of the box. A very atypical song that has gained some actual success despite its distinction, which has also brought us closer to fans of dark metal and so-called electronica.

>>> HELLFIRE. I chose this piece to add an echo to the dark period I was talking about above, in order to exorcise all that negativity, so we went to deal with a theme showing gospel traits but containing some demonic references in the lyrics. Then I didn't know THE 8th PRESIDENT was waiting for us at the SCARLET GATE OF TOXIC DAYBREAK, with his COLD PILLS! A wordplay whoever is following us will understand!

>>> K-PAX. I wrote this piece in a night when everything seemed dreamy and I almost didn't realize where I was anymore. No, I wasn't under the influence of drugs or alcohol, but all my memories were mixing in tremendous chaos that needed to reinvent itself and turn into an immaterial fog, in a light but lost dream. Angelo literally translated the music and melodies I had written on the staff, giving both them and my voice the perfect terms to guide the journey. In fact, it's not a complete and static text, but a sequence of dreamy and painful phrases at the same time. I felt that Angelo listened to me attentively since he knew how to translate my notes so perfectly into written sentences as if he were sending me back into my music. It was magical and at K-Pax Angelo and I discovered the other life of ourselves, bringing to light so many breathtaking emotions and it was just the departure, after the suffocating mists of Still Air, an album we love, and the crepuscular decadence of Stalingrad Valkyrie.

Question 6: There is a cover of Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd from Kirlian Camera that is a true work of art. The Mad World cover performed by Spectra Paris is fascinating. Are there more covers from other bands that you would like to record?

*** EAF - Well yes, there are ideas, but we prefer to evaluate which are the best. Meanwhile, I tried to produce a version of a Johnny Cash song and I made Angelo interpret it: I really like the result. It may be used by Stalingrad Valkyrie.

Question 7: I love your lyrics! What can't Elena be missing when creating new lyrics or musical arrangements? Are there any poetry, films, books, comic books, or other influences?

*** EAF - Mostly everything happens unconsciously. You don't know how many times I realize why I wrote a certain phrase only after a song was released! But I can say that my imagination works mostly by processing images. So, the movies are very helpful in this. Similarly, Angelo and I tap into imagery that could be part of the quantum physics new era, where multiverse and multidimensionality are both playing an important role. This world appears like a really tiny thing when compared to everything else.

Question 8: Elena, I read in an older interview about a "Young Ladies Homicide Club" I found an undeniable reference to the films Noir and the figure of the characters called "Vamp" and all the charm and spectral magnetism ... but I was a little curious. .. what is this "Young Ladies Homicide Club"?

*** EAF - Let's say I imagined an unreal club created by apparently dead or so to say "disappeared" models in order to get rid of fashion people who were acting a bit too naughty! The work to clean up that world wouldn't be lacking, as, after all, it happens in all professional areas. As for myself goes, I gladly opted in a flash and without second thoughts for singing and making music, leaving everything behind, buying a couple of synths and a decent microphone, which I then enriched with various electronic devilry, kicking away possible easy money, foolish nights, cocaine, heroin, stereotyped relationships, and absurdly worshipped wines! Every so often I like to play with the ridiculous and grotesque ghosts of some fashion designers, photographers, and evil spirits, then going to recreate noir stories in which everything happens. I also drew some digital comics with a noir-glam flavor, a few years ago... It was a fun pastime, while with Kirlian Camera I'd been exploring deeper and more fundamental universes.

Question 9: Is there more news on the way for the incredible Spectra Paris and also for Stalingrad Valkyrie? May you talk a bit more about them?

*** EAF - Stalingrad Valkyrie is a project I am very fond of, in a special way. So I insisted on getting it back to life after a period of hibernation which lasted too much in my opinion. "Martyrium Europae", the most recent album, proved me right, even if it’s not a commercial project. Well, it seems our listeners have appreciated the attempt to combine different musical sources in a unique style, certainly linked to the more symphonic and dramatic Kirlian Camera pages, but also quite free to express itself on his own, trying to avoid the most standard patterns of neofolk, progressive and industrial, without on the other hand completely ignoring their now distant origins. So, in its small way, the new album turned out to be a success and I'd really like this project to keep on living with further fresh ideas. We're currently working on a new chapter that will be released on vinyl and some digitals, which contains previously unreleased songs and versions.

Question 10: Elena, our Rede Vamp is a platform about Cultural Vamp and Vampires production ... and there is a question that our interviewees never escape. Is there a character or perhaps a vampire story that you never forgot?

*** EAF - Needless to say the vampire who most impressed me over time can't be anyone other than... Angelo Bergamini!!! Not many know that Angelo was the leading actor in a short film entitled "Himre Bakai", shot in the late nineties or so, directed by Antonio Bocchi, the later owner of the dark-electronic project Lux Anodyca and author of detective books. I don't think the film is regularly available or downloadable at the moment, but I know it was also screened at the time in various festivals and reviews, also getting some good feedback! Angelo (Himre) and Antonio told me that one day the film "will see the light ”, but at the moment... he lies in the dark, by the book, of course!!!

Question 11: Elena, thank you so much for your time and generosity! You and Kirlian Camera have many fans on our events and radio shows, please leave a special message for our audience! Are there plans for a new gig in Brazil after all this pandemic?

*** EAF - While it's true that we've never been able to play in Brazil so far, I'm sure your Land is actually right for us, 'cause I can feel that's full of feeling and passion, so we'd love to perform for you very much, 'cause in spite of the fact it's so far away, I feel a deep affinity and a certain familiarity with your world. And while we wait, confident that sooner or later we'll succeed in our aim, I wanna greet all those who had the kindness to listen to me, with a quote from the American scientist and politician Benjamin Franklin: "Those who would give up essential Liberty, to purchase a little temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety."