#2) hell yeah mackerel

[lunar-tone]

16 Era Soukoku short story.

It was a cold, storming winter night when Chuuya was startled awake from a loud banging on his apartment door. He blearily looked around, an empty wine bottle from earlier that evening still in his hand and his t.v playing some French drama show that he could barely even follow.

The banging on his door returned and Chuuya grumbled, getting up and rubbing the tiredness from his eyes "Yeah yeah I'm coming!"

Looking at the clock, The numbers showed it was 2:30 in the morning. Chuuya scowled, grumbling. He opened the door, already talking "This better be fucking- Holy shit! Dazai!?"

Standing at his door was his partner, Dazai. Dazai was shivering, a blanket curled around his shoulders and over his usual work attire, and snow could be seen melting into the fabric. The brunette gave a weak smile, lips blue from cold "H-H-Hey C-C-Chibi!"

The poor boy couldn't even speak properly from how hard he was shivering. Chuuya scowled, pulling Dazai into his apartment. "What the hell Shitty Dazai? Why the fuck are you freezing to death on my doorstep!?"

Dazai simply shrugged and let himself be plopped down infront of Chuuya's electric fireplace, unconsciously leaning into the warm air it was emitting "N-No heating in a sh-shipping container C-Chibi. Heater c-can only do s-s-so much"

Chuuya scowled, internally cursing the fact that Dazai lived in a shipping container. It was below fucking 30 C°! The ginger is surprised Dazai is even still awake. "Fucking hell dude, why didn't you come here sooner? Or stay at a hotel while the storm goes through? You could have fucking died! Fuck you still might-"

Chuuya busied around the other, grabbing soft blankets and heating pads, debating if he should make some hot chocolate before saying fuck it and walking to the kitchen to make some. Dazai shrugged "T-Thought I could do i-it. N-N-Never had a problem b-before. W-Why? You worried a-about me C-Chibiko~?"

Chuuya scowled, smacking Dazai upside the head as he set down the hot chocolate infront of the other "Fucking hell- is it so wrong of me to show a little empathy for your sorry ass? Besides I don't want to have to clean up your dead body!"

Dazai laughed lightly, stopping suddenly as he broke into multiple sneezes. When he finally stopped he looked at Chuuya with a pathetic expression "Chuuuuyyyaaaaaa!"

Chuuya rolled his eyes "Drink the hot chocolate mackerel, and stay near the heat. I won't have you dying in my apartment and staining my floors!"

Dazai grinned, slowly feeling the ever prominent cold fade away. He would never admit it, but having Chuuya fuss over him and worry made a warm feeling spread through his chest that he didn't quite know how to describe. "Fiiiine! Put something interesting on though hat rack! I don't speak French!"

Chuuya rolled his eyes, grabbing his t.v remote and searching for something stupid to put on. Settling on some sci-fi action movie, Chuuya stood up and stretched "Fuck I'm tired and my head hurts. I'm taking some medicine and going to bed, don't die while I'm asleep Bandage waster!"

Dazai pouted "But I'm still cold and wet!"

Chuuya groaned, walking into his bedroom without replying. Dazai pouted even more, flopping backwards and whining "Chuuuyyyaaaaa!"

Suddenly Chuuya was back in his field of vision, holding out a pile of pajamas to him with a few bandage rolls on top. "You know where the bathroom is. Take a shower and then go to sleep, Mackerel. We do have work to do tomorrow after all"

"Awww how sweet of my dog to bring his master clothes!" Dazai grunted as he was kicked in the side, snickering as Chuuya walked off grumbling under his breath. As the gingers bedroom door closed and locked, Dazai looked at the pajamas. They were in his size surprisingly, a black silk button up and blue silk bottoms. How Chuuya knew his skin was sensitive to cotton fabrics he doesn't know, but it warmed his heart none the less.

The next morning, the two never spoke about what happened, but Chuuya did shove a key to his apartment into the others hand and said to take the spare bedroom, so Dazai assumed that was Chuuya's way of asking him to move in. Despite the teasing, Dazai quickly moved his clothes and meager belongings into the spare room and made himself at home. Neither mentioned the warm feelings in their chest and how quickly they adjusted to having the other in their personal space. It didn't matter either way. They were content.

[sky-drgn]

Remember Us - The Original Ending

Genre: Fluff with a hurt (sorry not sorry Kunikida) Ship: Chuuya x Dazai (Soukoku) Words: 1,065 Note: This is the original ending! Do remember, I'm writing a new ending!! There is a reason for that! However the poll said to post this one and the new one... SO! Here is the original! Think of it as something to hold you over until the new (hopefully better) ending is done! Despite my editing, there still might be grammar/spelling mistakes. Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Ending 1 - Ending 2

Chuuya worked from home with Dazai either lying or sitting in his lap. That depended on if he worked in the living room or the office he made himself while Dazai was gone. 

“Chibi..”

“What’s up Mackerel?” 

“I’m thinking about rejoining the Mafia. It’s not like I remember too much of what happened there anyway.”

Chuuya stopped functioning for a second hearing that. “Never in any lifetime am I letting that happen. What made you think that’s a good idea?”

“I’d get to spend more time with Chibi, and if something like this happened again we’d still be together.”

“Hey, I already told ya it wasn’t your fault this happened. Even if we were together, we have no way of knowing if you’d have remembered anything.”

“I remembered them… How could I not have remembered you? I’m with Chuuya every day. I love you so much. How-” 

“Hey! Osamu. It isn’t your fault. You’re never joining the mafia again. You’re here now and that’s what matters. I knew you’d remember eventually. One way or another, I knew it.” Chuuya lied.

“You’re too good for me, Slug.” 

“No, it’s just the opposite, you stupid Mackerel.” 

That wasn’t the last conversation they had about Dazai rejoining the Mafia. Each time Chuuya denied the idea. Both tried to make sure they understood what the other was saying.

Not even a week later work had to continue as normal. Or as normal as work could be when the Port Mafia and the ADA had to work together. On top of Dazai not seeing his co-workers in close to three weeks. 

Yeah, Chuuya expects this to be a mess.

And a mess it was.

The two organizations met on neutral grounds. This way if something did break out, one side wouldn’t have the upper hand. Chuuya and Dazai were the last to arrive thanks to the younger. Although you could hear them before you could see them.

“Let go of me you stupid Mackerel.” They could hear Chuuya yell.

While no one could hear what Dazai undoubtedly whined back, they did hear Chuuya yell: “Fine! Happy now? Now go over to your shitty coworkers.” 

“Much better! Thanks, Chibi!” Dazai said, with an obnoxiously loud kiss on his cheek. Both organizations just stared at the two since they were now both visible and Dazai was within earshot.

Fukuzawa and Mori - the boss of the Port Mafia - decided on their own, that for the time being that scene would be ignored. They do have more pressing matters to worry about.

Dazai’s co-workers, on the other hand, were not on the same page as their President. Dazai received a harsh glare from Kunikida and confused looks from everyone else as he took his place just behind and next to Fukuzawa. 

Chuuya’s co-workers were more professional, opting to play twenty questions after the meeting was officially over. So they were only slightly more professional than Dazai’s. 

Back at the agency’s office, Dazai was cornered almost immediately by Yosano, effectively putting space between Kunikida and Dazai. No one knew if she was protecting Dazai from Kunikida or Kunikida from Dazai. (If anyone in the office had to guess, it was Dazai from Kunikida.) 

“What the hell was that?”

“What was what, Yosano?” 

“You know exactly what I’m talking about Dazai. At the meeting. You showing up late hanging all over a Port Mafia Executive.” 

“Oh, that! I got more memories back. Chuuya and I are married. If I annoy my Chibi enough he’ll let me wear his hat for the rest of the day.” Only Chuuya knows it’s because Dazai will miss him. “And before you ask, we eloped in France just after our eighteenth birthdays, but we started dating at sixteen.”

“Don’t you think you should have told us that before you lost your memory?” Kunikida asked, adjusting his glasses.

“I suppose I could have after the alliance was finalized. Didn’t really cross either of our minds. No one knew before today. No one. It was safer that way.” Dazai shrugged. “If you need him to sign any papers for the employee records, I’m sure he’ll grumble about it next time he’s here.”

No one brought up the date that was supposed to happen. 

The office was quiet as everyone did their assigned work - even Dazai.

Back in Port Mafia headquarters, Chuuya was unable to answer the question of his coworkers as he was called up to Mori’s office. Everyone knew they would get the answers later.

“That was quite the display you put on at the meeting.” 

“You know how Dazai is. He enjoys making a scene.” 

“Yes, I suppose, he would. Tell me, how long have you two been together.”

“Almost seven years, married for five of them. This, of course, doesn’t affect my loyalty to the organization. Had it I would have left with him after you had his friend killed.” An effective way to say Chuuya has no intentions of betraying the organization, and in turn Mori, while not partially being Mori’s fan anymore. For some years now. With Mori never knowing the wiser. “Especially when you could have just assigned Dazai to that case. Having him cancel the enemy’s ability and then killing him would have been an effective way to keep a valuable pawn. After smoking Sakaguchi out as a mole, of course.” 

“I see, that is quite the plan. I’m not quite sure it would have worked how you expect it though. You’re dismissed.” 

“We wouldn’t exactly know that now would we, it’s a bit late to find out,” Chuuya added before he left the office to meet up with the rest of his coworkers. Answer their questions. 

Hours later the happily married couple was reunited in the safety of their home. Comfortable clothes with fluffy blankets surrounding them. Chuuya’s hand runs through Dazai's hair while Dazai nuzzles Chuuya’s neck, holding him tight. 

“‘Samu.” 

“Hm?”

“Let’s go back to Paris for our anniversary.” 

“That’s in two weeks, and we still have a joint job to do. When are we leaving?”

“The second the job is over. Remind everyone why Double Black is the best, even on different sides.”

“I’ll let the President know. I’m going to do some overtime work to make up for what I missed. I’ll probably be home before Chuuya anyway, but I’ll let you know.” 

“I love you Osamu.” 

“I love Chuuya more.”

BSD Master List - Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Ending 2

[confusedpandabear]

for prompts,, can we get some jealous!haru back up in here (please)?

AH forgot to post this with your question, sorry anon. I hope you like it!

HaruGou: Drabbles By Confused Panda Bear Chapter 38: No Idea About Me & You Read it below or on AO3.

Kou doesn’t want anyone to know about them yet, and Haru gets it. 

It’s not like she wants to keep them a secret, she just wants to keep it a secret from Rin, because it’s better to wait until the right moment, she says—to break the news to him gently—preferably over a Zoom call when he’s fucked off back to Australia, where he can’t hurt anyone unless he gets on a plane to Japan or swims across the Pacific ocean.

At first, Haru’s cool with it. Whatever. Their business is no one else’s business, and he’s not one for public displays of affection, nor has any form of social media that requires him to update his status to ‘in a relationship’ anyway.

But sometimes, he thinks that maybe they should come clean for convenience’s sake—and, selfishly, for his own sanity—because it sure as hell would make his life a lot easier than it was right now.

Kou is pretty, he’s known that since they were kids, but now she’s fucking hot, so much so that it was almost guaranteed that she’d be the sole recipient of male attention everywhere she went and it drives him near enough insane.

“Matsuoka Gou isn’t dating anyone, is she? If not I'd like to tap that,” Idiot #1 says as they’re lining up next to him with their lunch trays, and Haru wants to take his own and smack him around the head with it. 

“As far as I know, she isn’t,” Idiot #2 replies. “Kouji asked her out the other week. She said she isn’t seeing anyone, but she’s not that interested in dating right now,” and Haru’s jaw hurts from gritting his teeth too hard. 

Yeah, fuck Kouji, whoever the hell he is.

He has half a mind to track the guy down and tell him that he has Kou’s underwear in his pocket from when he had her bent over the clubroom table earlier that day.

But it’s not random members of the public that Kou is so concerned about—she mostly doesn’t want their friends to know just yet, in case one of them happens to slip up in front of her brother too.

Not long after they got together, she starts a part-time job at Yamazaki Sousuke’s family restaurant, because her mother's a single parent and Rin’s continent-hopping isn’t cheap.

Haru finds himself eating there most days she worked because…the food is good? He supposed? Even though they don’t serve mackerel but Kou is always telling him he needs to eat all of his food groups anyway. 

He’s there with the guys getting a late lunch and there’s another set of Idiots on the table opposite theirs, psyching each other up to hit on the new waitress and he’s livid but he can’t really do anything about it.

“God, she’s so cute.”

“Yeah, I come here at least once a week just to look at her.”

“I’m gonna ask for her number.”

“Go for it, man!”

Kou emerges from the kitchen, balancing two plates on her arm and another in the other hand and is heading towards their table. 

The one bold enough to dare breathe in her presence notices and starts messing with his hair.

“Okay, one beef-culet meal with rice and two chicken curries,” Kou smiles as she sets the steaming dishes down in front of them. “Anything else I can get you?”

“Maybe the pretty waitress’ phone number?” Head Idiot says and Haru slams his cutlery down onto the table.

Seriously?

Right in front of his salad?!

He’s out of his seat and crossing over to theirs before he can think it through.

There’s a dark and ominous shadow looming over his face.

“Hey. I think you should leave the waitress alone and concentrate on eating your food.”

Idiot stands and squares up to him, and Haru is pleased that he’s at least a couple of inches shorter than he is.

“And who the hell are you?”

“I’m her boyfriend,” Haru says bluntly, and Idiot and his merry band of other Idiots look so crestfallen that he relishes in their sunken expressions.

Meanwhile, the entire restaurant has fallen silent, save Nagisa slapping Makoto on the arm and whispering: “I told you so!” and Makoto sighing and handing him a 2000 yen bill. 

(He’s also pretty sure Sousuke behind the bar is texting Rin, but they’ll have to deal with that later).

The following week, they have a joint practice at Samezuka, and thankfully Rin isn’t there by order of Ai who has barricaded him in his room. 

Kou is on the pool deck trying to have a purely professional conversation with their captain, whose intentions—at least from where Haru is standing—are quite clearly unprofessional in comparison. 

“So, what are your plans after this?” he asks, confirming this theory. “Wanna go get something to eat together?”

Kou’s smile dampens a bit but then it comes back, bright and proud and reaching all the way to her ears.

“Sorry,” she says, “I have a boyfriend,” and Haru smirks. 

Damn fucking right she does. 

[girlcraft2003]

You know something? I think it's pretty cool that Valve is so encouraging of fan works. You could open steam to find a half life 2 mod called Dr. kleiner's Discount Mackerel Extravaganza and Valve's just like hell yeah bro go off

Honestly though. I did hear about them taking down a source 2 port of TF2 but I mostly think it’s bc of copyright concerns??

[intertexts]

roswell I need you to know im thinking SO HARD about the asks in my inbbox right now but also I have my weekly keeper talk in...... *checks watch* Ten Minutes so I'm afraid if I go into a nhw fugue I will talk a little bit too in detail about diet prep (cutting up fish) and scare some small children. lmao. me in the kitchen like *cuts a mackerel in half* wow this happened to my friend william wisp once. we are so fucking cooked dude. I'm rotating everything in my mind so fast rn. I cannot WAIT to read pact I'm gonna go so insane over pact i think

AHAHAHAHAAA really delighted by the mental image here. hell yeah dude go tell ur kids about Fish and Creatures and also Cutting Up Fish nhw posting is ur little bowl of seeds on the end of the stick. to mix metaphors. anyway GODDDD DUDE me TOO it feels so good to be properly blitzing nhw in my brain microwave again it's been a couple days!!!!!! fuck man it's so joever for us!!!!! when u start pact im also gonna start the other otherverse wildbow serial (pale) that my sibling has been trying to get me 2 read for years. im so excited. ALSO ALSO ALSO i think ashe DOES remember his breaker state in the way u remember ur dreams. weird and strange and only parts of it and leaves a bad terrible taste in ur mouth & yr skin crawling for days & ur not sure if it was real or not sometimes.!!!

[the-blueberry-sage]

I am also not a child of r/196, but I'm happy to participate!

1. Name: prefer not to say my real one ;) y'all can call me Blue if you want, or anything else idk

2. Pronouns & gender: Any pronouns, you decide! I've been gender confused for months but I believe I'm agender at this point in time

3. Sexuality: Aromantic and Asexual

4. Country: Norway

5. Top 5 fandoms: bit outta my depths here. I mostly drift around the internet without stepping too deep into like more than maybe 1 fandom at a time. I can tell you stuff I like tho, since im more likely to like fan content of it. Zelda stuff is my current main thing. Spyro, Brawlhalla, i used to really like Harry Potter but idk how to feel about it since it's really hard to separate what I used to like from the Fuckery of Queen Terf... ... Puss in Boots is really good! I keep getting Persona content in my feed and, while I've never played any of the games, a lot of that fanart is really nice! So keep that coming lol

6. What is your most forbidden snack: cat toe bean.

7. Would you pet a bug: If it's big enough that I wouldn't need to worry about crushing it, chill enough that I wouldn't need to worry about it crushing me, and not overly slimy, yeah sure

8. Share a weird fact/story about yourself with the class: My skin can't handle saltwater. I get all sore and itchy. I don't know why, I'm not allergic to salt or anything. I think it's just the crystals messing something up. So yeah, sensitive skin means I can't swim in the sea... at least not without regretting it...

9. What does the color blue taste like: blueberries...

10. What's the most beautiful thing you've ever seen: Probably this

Not the most spectacular thing exactly, but something about this shattered piece of coast really mesmerized me. Idk, I like nature and the photo, good as it is, doesn't do it justice :/

11. Stupidest thing you've ever done: When I was a child, my dumbass child brain for some reason decided we were gonna make "the most lethal concoction." So I mixed water with basically anything and everything potentially poisonous I could find, which included stuff from every bottle I could find in both the bathroom and washing room. That would be mostly perfumes from my mom, but also a whole lot of cleaning products. So I might have made mustard gas... At least I was somehow aware enough to mix it all outside...

12. Stupidest thing you've heard/seen someone else do/say: Old friend I hadn't seen in like 5 years casually admits he doesn't believe in covid... this was in 2021... Haven't heard from him since

13. Hyperfixation song: Hysteria by Spiritbox

14. Is there any meaning behind your profile picture and/or username: My pfp is my cat. His name is Leo, he is 13 years old. I love him!

My username is a bit of a story. Basically there's this tiny island barely off the coast not too far away from where I live. It's connected to the mainland at low tide and it's cone-shaped. It's steep hill everywhere but the very top. The entire thing is a forest and absolutely covered in blueberries. So yeah, I went in and returned about an hour later with a bucket full of berries, scraped up to hell and back and fucking covered in moss, grass, twigs and other foresty artifacts. The Blueberry Sage returns with great gifts... We made jam. It was good. I'm not going back lol

15. Dream career as a child: Carpenter. I don't know why.

16. Dream career as an adult: Artist. I do know why

17. Thoughts on cilantro: I don't taste soap. I can eat it. I am worthy!

18. Have you been banned form a location? No. I am good boy

19. What is your cursed food combination? So in Norway it seems around half of people I've mentioned this to think it's normal while the other half think I'm mad. I'm curious what the rest of the world will think. We have a thing called "makrell i tomat" basically boxed mackerel in tomato sause. Take that on a slice of bred with way to much mayonnaise on it. Delicious. Kinda healthy. But I do feel like a gremlin eating this

20. Trans rights: Yes. Now.

I'll tag a few people too I guess, but I'm locked into this post now and I don't wanna type this all up again, so I can't check who has already been tagged elsewhere or who is relevant to tag lol. Sorry about that @junpei-iori-ace-defective @theearthmagicguy @charyou-tree @supersexyghotmew95

“I just came from r/196” ask game

Saw another post. I think I should invite y'all to one of our longstanding traditions. Answer the questions then tag 10 (or more) people. I'll go first.

Name? Frankie

Pronouns and gender? he/they/it, transmasc

Sexuality? Lesbian

Country? USA

Top 5 fandoms? Bungou Stray Dogs, Cosmere, All for the Game, Fundiesnark (not a series but I'm too deep in it to not consider it a fandom), .....the tornado fandom? (they're my special interest)

What is your Most forbidden snack? The preserved bones at the Atlanta Bodies Exhibition. They looked so crunchy...

Would you pet a bug? If it's big enough, it is pettable.

Share a weird fact/story about yourself with the class. I like to drive around rural areas and photograph old, sometimes abandoned locations in the dead of night. I have been literally chased out of towns by foot and by car on two separate occasions. The second time this happened, "See You Again" by Miley Cyrus came up on shuffle and that's the soundtrack my friend and I tore out of town to. Also every "guy" I've dated except for my most recent ex (who has big egg energy) is a lesbian now.

What does the color blue taste like? Creme brulee

What is the most beautiful thing you've ever seen? The appalachian mountains of Tennessee in the middle of summer. There's kudzu everywhere. On the backroads, there were several old, dilapidated Baptist churches barely hanging to the side of the mountain. I wonder how many of them were still in use.

What is the stupidest thing you've ever done? Short version: my friend's house almost got broken into by this dude who'd been stalking us for months while we were home alone. Instead of calling the cops, we decided to confront him with a bow and arrow (me), a hatchet, and a baseball bat (him). The plan was that if it went badly, we would simply throw his corpse into one of the many lakes in the neighborhood and let the alligators eat his remains (this was Florida). Why? Because we were afraid of having our home-alone privileges revoked. Luckily for us all, the guy fucked off and we never saw him again.

Stupidest thing you've seen/heard someone else do/say? My ex thought that Jackalopes were real. Also, a nurse I was doing rotations with apparently thought that "Witness Protection" was for Jehovah's Witnesses.

Hyperfixation song? Young Enough + Bleach by Charly Bliss

Is there any meaning behind your profile picture and/or username? Profile pic; I'm transmasc and I'm currently obsessed with TriStamp. Username; It was my fake internet name when I was like 13. I won't change it because I want my mutuals to recognize me, and because I do have a viral post associated with this name.

Dream career as a child? Doctor (funnily enough I'm now in nursing school)

Dream career as an adult? Professional Jester. Not a comedian. I just want to be some weird little guy who dresses silly and you can hire me to roast your boss at work parties.

Thoughts on cilantro? Delicious

Have you ever been banned from a location and if so, why? I honestly can't remember? Probably... but in recent memory I've mainly banned people from places.

What is your cursed food combination? Pineapple on a hotdog with grilled onions. It Slaps.

Trans rights? TRANS RIGHTS

Tagging: @rocket-mankoi @mostlymarco @atleast8courics @jazzlike39 @gemsweater72 @limbobilbo @ameliaaltare @redcrane112 @theoneofwhomisblue @twinkenjoyer @theultimatecarp and anyone else who wants to jump on

[twstarchives]

2-3・What Fishing Is About

         ♡—Dwarfs’ Mine - Lakeside—♡

Jack: Alright. We got our bait ready, so let’s try casting our lines now.

Deuce: Right!

(Plunk!)

Deuce: ...I’m not getting a reaction.

Jack: It’s not going to be that easy. Fishing is all about waiting patiently.

At least, that’s how it was when I would go fishing for smelts back in my hometown.

Deuce: Hmm, so that’s how this works...

Jack: Oh? Deuce, looks like a couple fish are coming up to your line.

Deuce: You’re right! Now I just need to wait for them to bite—

Grim: Oiii! Deuce, Jack~!

(Slosh! Slosh!)

Deuce: Ah! The fish...

Jack: Grr... Grim, our prey escaped ‘cause of you!

Grim: H-Hmph! You guys are just bad at fishing!

           SELECTION

Option 1: How many have you caught so far?

Deuce: ...Right now, zero.

Option 2: How are you guys doing?

Deuce: We haven’t gotten anything yet... We just started.

Deuce: Grim, stay quiet, okay?

Grim: If I have to... Alright.

But are you really gonna catch any fish just by sitting around waiting?

I think you should move your line around like an actual fish.

Hand me a rod! I’ll show you how to do it.

Look! Do it like this and it’ll be easy-peazy—

(Slosh! Slosh!)

Grim: Oh. The fish got away...

Deuce & Jack: GRIM!!

Grim: Wh-What? I was just trying to help... Huh?

Oi, look at the lake! There’s a huge shadow in the water!

Deuce: That’s a fish... right? It’s coming closer.

That’s big enough to feed everyone in the track and field club. Jack, we gotta catch that one!

Jack: Y-Yeah... But don’t you think it’s a little too big?

(Blub blub...)

Deuce: I-It’s coming to the surface...?

(SPLASH!!)

Everyone: !?!?!?

Floyd: Huh? Mackerel and Sea Urchin... and Baby Seal and Shrimpy are here too. What’re you guys doing?

Deuce: L-Leech!? What are you doing here?

Floyd: The challenge? I got hungry so I have to.

But using a fishing line and waiting is so lame. It’s way easier to jump in the lake and catch the fish yourself.

...Oh, right. I was in the middle of hunting for prey. See ya.

(Splash!!)

Grim: There he goes...

Jack: You could do that...?

Deuce: We keep on getting interrupted! I’m going to catch the next one for sure!

(Splosh!!)

Deuce: The hell, what is it this time!?

Jack: Looks like someone threw a rock from somewhere.

Look! There!

Deuce: ...A fairy?

I don’t know what they’re saying, but I can tell they’re making fun of us.

I’m fed up with all these interruptions. Jack, let’s beat ‘em up!

Jack: Yeah!

NEXT TIME: Episode 2-4

[claynatanga]

till we meet again | iwaoi

iwaoi hanahaki disease au!!

oikawa caught the hanahaki disease as he slowly discovers his love for iwaizumi. while in the middle of a late night call with one another, oikawa started coughing up petals and blood. iwaizumi, who thought that oikawa was just sick brushed it off as him just having a bad cough. later on, iwaizumi had figured out while visiting oikawa one day, that it was not just a bad cough that night that they were having a late night call. it was the hanahaki disease, that he did not believe in had happened to his very best friend. the friend that he grew up with.

will oikawa be getting the surgery and live a sad, unlovable life, or will he suffer his last weeks seeing his best friend fall in love with the manager of seijoh?

!! cw, read before continuing !! : major character death, heavy angst, mentions of blood, potential character death, cursing, hallucinations, mix of lower case and upper case, incorrect punctuations

word count : 4.6k

oikawa huffed, fishing out his phone from his pockets as he impatiently waited for his friend to answer his messages. he was waiting at the front of the school gates, he remembered he promised to iwaizumi that he would wait for him in front of the school gates so they could walk to class together, but it seems that he was running a bit late.

he was waiting for roughly 15 minutes, his legs starting to give up on him for standing so long. he groaned, moving to get his phone from his pockets again to call iwaizumi, but stopped when he saw a figure walking in the distance.

his eyes lit up, head snapping in iwaizumi's direction to wave and greet him. iwaizumi rolled his eyes, but raised a hand and waved back. oikawa was about to call out to iwaizumi, but the words fell short on his tongue as he watched seijoh's volleyball team manager approach iwaizumi. his huge grin had calmed down to a tight lipped smile, a smile that won't reach his eyes no matter how he tries as he watched them interact.

they chat for a few minutes, slowly making their way to oikawa.

by the time they're reach him, his smile had fully went and gone. his eyes didn't shine as they did earlier as he turned away from them and faced the school, the cracks of the walls seemingly much more interesting than whatever they were talking about.

oikawa started staring off to space, not being able to hear anything around him as he got lost in his own mind.

"oh, oikawa-san! i didn't see you there!" oikawa snapped out of his trance. where was he again? he let his eyes wander for a short while as they landed on the girl in front of him. oh. right. school.

"yeah haha hi" he awkwardly muttered, subconsciously letting his hand rest on the back of his neck.

iwaizumi and the manager chatted for a few more minutes, before they finally said their goodbyes and walked away from each other.

'finally, i was getting bored' oikawa thought monotonously, looking back to iwaizumi who had hearts in his eyes.

oikawa furrowed his eyebrows. what's so special about a girl? i mean, he gets it if it's his mom, or sister, or cousin but? he doesnt get it if they're just a schoolmate.

oikawa heaved a small cough, covering his mouth with his hand as he did so. when he lifted his hand back up there was a pink petal. it looked like a hydrangea petal. he remembered a small conversation that he and iwaizumi had a few years back.

"hey iwa-chan, what's your favorite flower?"

"ha? what, are you gonna get me flowers for my grave or something? i'm not dead yet loserkawa"

"what- no i'm not! i'm just asking because i'm curious! jeez mean iwa-chan." oikawa frowned, rubbing the spot where iwaizumi had hit him

iwaizumi thought for a bit, looking up at the ceiling as he does so.

"well, i suppose i like hydrangea flowers"

"the pink one?" oikawa tilted his head to the side, i curious glint in his eyes.

iwaizumi confirmed that by nodding. 

he wondered where the petal came from. did it fall from a tree? he shrugged it off, nudging iwaizumi's arm as he started walking towards the school. iwaizumi blinked, shaking off his trance, his head snapped towards oikawa, a pink tint to his cheeks. 

"oi! what was that for, shittykawa?!"

oikawa laughed, starting to jog towards the school doors.

"i can see the hearts in your eyes whenever you talk to manager-chan. you like her, don't you, iwa-chan??" oikawa teased as he saw the irk mark on iwaizumi's head grow. he didn't like admitting it, or even acknowledging it, but he knew that iwaizumi, did in fact like their volleyball teams manager. he has talked about her a few times, mentioned her name that even oikawa didn't have the time or care to even remember of.

his smile faltered once more. but when he saw iwaizumi coming at him full charge his grin went back, starting to run away from the devil like iwaizumi.

"damn you shittykawa i told you not to say that outloud!!" oikawa laughed, a little squeak coming out of the end as he tries to escape iwaizumi.

ah, what a peaceful life it is. 

a few weeks later, exams was just right around the corner, pulling at every students heads and giving them a headache. oikawa was no different.

although he did seem smart, which he was, he just wasn't keen in a few subjects.

luckily, iwaizumi liked the subjects oikawa loathed, so he asked if iwaizumi could help him in those subjects, exchanging agedashi tofu or grilled mackerel pike for the help.

iwaizumi agreed, acting all grumpy as oikawa called him through discord.

"yahoo iwa-chan!" iwaizumi grumbled a small greeting, oikawa hearing a bit of shuffling and pages turning.

oikawa chuckled.

"oi, what are you laughing at?"

"it's just the way you act all grumpy about teaching me, but i know you love teaching me cause i'm just so irresistible, arent i iwa-chan?"

"yeah, so irresistibly annoying"

"hey! mean iwa-chan!" oikawa huffed, taking out his notebooks from his bag.

he heard iwaizumi chuckle through his headset, and he smiled.

"so what do you not understand in ap history?"

"uhm, everything?"

"tch, expected from a dumbass like you"

"hey! rude! i'm not a dumbass!" oikawa coughed. petals flowing through his mouth. what was happening?

"oh come on, just admit it loserkawa" iwaizumi chuckled. iwaizumi continued to look through his notebook, not minding how oikawa was coughing so much.

"oi, 'kawa, drink some water dumbass!" iwaizumi half muttered, trying to focus on reading the contents of his notebook.

when the coughing continued, iwaizumi frowned, furrowing his eyebrows and looking up from his notebook to stare at his computer.

"hey, shittykawa, are you okay?" iwaizumi's voice was laced with concern for his friend, as he closed his notebook and placed it on his study table.

there were a few more coughs, before oikawa weakly answered;

"i'll be alright iwa-chan, don't worry."

"are you sure? you're coughing pretty bad."

"yeah, i think i just caught a cold."

"well, alright then... if something happens to you tell me immediately, if you don't i'll beat you up."

oikawa let out a small chuckle.

"i'll make sure of that iwa-chan."

now, in any other situation, that would have made oikawa's heart flutter, and his stomach burst with butterflies, but in this situation, he didn't think he could feel that at the moment. his head was aching, not because of studying, hell, he hasn't even started studying yet, but because of coughing so much in a short amount of time.

his throat felt dry, sticky with blood and itchy from small thorns. his study desk was littered with small petals of hydrangea flowers, a few thorns sticking out. his eyes felt droopy and tired all of a sudden, as if he was ready to pass out.

he shook his head.

'i can study tomorrow early in the morning' he thought to himself as he grabbed a bottle of water from his study desk. he drank a few gulps, his face scrunching up in pain as he felt the thorns scratch at his throat.

"hey, iwa-chan, is it fine if we just study tomorrow early in the morning? i'm feeling kinda tired now"

"wha- i dont think you haven't even studie-"

"yes? okay, thank you iwa-chan. i'll see you tomorrow" oikawa hurriedly left the call, as to avoid any questions or remarks from iwaizumi.

a few seconds later, a faint, calm ding ringed through his room. he peeled his eyes open to look at his computer.

iwa-chan! ʕ￫ᴥ￩ʔ (sent at 12:52 AM, February 25th)

[oi, get some rest. you don't need to study early in the morning, just try to remember what you can and write it down. drink water before you go to bed lazykawa. goodnight.]

the message read. oikawa smiled faintly, glancing at his dirty study desk.

"i'll sleep in a bit. for now, i have to clean this mess.." oikawa muttered, standing up and scooping the petals in his arms. this is going to be a pain.

by the time the exam days have ended, oikawa was exhausted. there were bags under his eyes, and his coughing was getting worse. iwaizumi didn't show it, but he worried for his friend.

"oi, oikawa! have you eaten yet?" oikawa stopped in his tracks, his head slowly turning to iwaizumi.

"uhm, no? why? is it lunch yet?"

"dumbass, what do you mean 'is it lunch yet'?! didnt you hear the bell ring?" oikawa blinked. the bell rung?

oikawa squinted his eyes and slowly shook his head.

iwaizumi sighed. 'how much sleep has this dumbass been getting? 2 hours?' he thought, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"sorry iwaizumi. i just have not been feeling well these past few days." oikawa smiled up at him tiredly.

iwaizumi was stunned. 'iwaizumi?' he thought, surprised. the name almost felt foreign to hear, even though it was the name he was born with, the name that almost everyone has called him with.

it felt weird to hear, because oikawa had only called him that when they first met. iwaizumi furrowed his eyebrows.

"iwaizumi?" he parroted his thoughts, looking oikawa in the eyes as if he could see right through him.

"what, isn't that your name?"

"well, it is, but....you never call me iwaizumi. it's always iwa-chan or something" iwaizumi had muttered, tapping his knuckles on oikawa's shared table. oikawa smiled.

"aweeee, is iwa-chan sad that i don't call him iwa-chan anymore?" oikawa chuckled, lazily hooking his head on his hand to rest for as he gazed up at iwaizumi.

"wha- are you dumb?! i was just worried about you, you asshole!" iwaizumi raged, snapping at oikawa.

oikawa let out a weak, hearty laugh. 

“yeah, i know."

it had been 2 long weeks. the petals have grown to be half of the hydrangea, the thorns bigger than before, and there started to be much more blood then the first few times he'd cough up petals. iwaizumi had been checking on oikawa almost everyday, sending him messages, calls, and voice mails. all that iwaizumi knew of oikawa's situation was that oikawa was getting sicker as the days went.

he felt like his brain was rotting, slowly turning to nothing but dust.

oikawa had have this happen happen to him before, the feeling of waves of tiredness constantly crashing down his body, his brain felt like it was melting, his legs felt like jelly, his head spinning, making his head hurt like hell.

he scratched at his throat, and hissed when he itched it for a moment too long. his room was a mess. petals scattered around with the occasional blood, and a few thorns stuck to some of the petals.

oikawa sighed. he hasn't had the energy to clean his room for a couple weeks, always feeling so nauseous and heavy whenever he got home from school. oikawa groaned, moving to lay down on his side to try and get some sleep before he started coughing up again. maybe he could get some rest before he-

the doorbell rang.

oikawa froze.

and his blood ran cold.

fuck.

he slowly sat up, gripping the futon in between his hands until his knuckles turned white. he looked around his room, seeing the mess of everything.

he let out a small groan, praying, begging to whoever was up there that it was just a delivery guy that his mom had sent to give him food.

when he got up from his futon, muttering barely even a whisper; "coming" as the doorbell impatiently rang a second time, dragging his feet to his front door, and peeking through the peep hole.

he wanted the ground to swallow him up whole.

standing there, in all of his glory, outside in casual wear was iwaizumi, holding on to a steaming plastic bag of his favorite milk bread that was bought in the small corner store in the neighborhood oikawa lived in.

"ugh, what is taking that lazykawa so long to answer the door" he heard iwaizumi mutter, before he moved to ring the doorbell once more, the sound ringing throughout his house.

oikawa froze in his place, a small blush climbing to his cheeks. he shook off the feelings and lightly patted his cheeks, calming his racing heart down before he made a move to turn the knob of the door.

when the door opened, he peeked outside, looking up at iwaizumi, then down to what he was holding, then back up at iwaizumi. this continued on for a few seconds, iwaizumi slowly growing on an irk mark as it pressed on.

"oi! aren't you gonna let me inside?!" iwaizumi questioned, his patience growing thin. he noticed oikawa froze to stare up at him, then slowly look back at his house, then quickly looking back up at iwaizumi.

"what, you got a fuck buddy hiding in there? tell them that i don't care and that to leave, you're sick"

"pfft-" he heard oikawa chuckle, before he looked back up at iwaizumi with an amused glint in his eyes, his cheeks tinted a rosy pink from the joke that iwaizumi made.

they stared at each other for a few minutes, a small smile playing at their lips.

"so are they gone now? can i come in? come on i don't want my ass to freeze here"

"pfft, iwa-chan, come on, you of all people should know that i don't have a fuck buddy cause i'm not that type of person."

"yea, yea, i know, but what's taking you so long to let me in anyway? your food is getting cold." oikawa stared at the plastic bag in his friend's hands, the steam slowly clearing. oikawa frowned, then lead his eyes away from the bag to stare up back at his friends eyes.

"my house is a mess."

"and? so is mine. we've both seen each others house and we know it's similar to a pigsty." even when iwaizumi made a joke, oikawa didn't laugh, or even crack a smile. a frown still tugged on the setter's lips, which made iwaizumi sport on a frown too.

"it can't be that bad, i'm sure my place is dirtier than yours anyway. just let me in, i don't want your food to be cold when you eat it." with a hesitant glance to his house and back at iwaizumi, oikawa slowly opened the door, stepping aside to let his visitor in.

iwaizumi took off his shoes, placing them neatly to the side while he placed the plastic bag beside him on the floor so he could work on his shoes. once he stood up to his full height, he picked up the plastic bag and took a quick look around the house.

"it isn't that bad, what do you mean it's a mess?"

"i meant my room. i haven't cleaned it ever since i got sick" iwaizumi nodded, going to the kitchen to place the bag of food on the kitchen counter. oikawa happily hopped to the bag, muttering a small "thank you" and "itadakimasu" before biting into the bread. a satisfied hum left him buzzing, already grabbing a second one to munch on.

iwaizumi lingered his stare on oikawa for a second too long, a small smile gracing his lips before he turned away and gazed at the hallway leading to the bathroom and oikawa's room.

the door to oikawa's room was opened wide, and while oikawa was busy chomping down the food that iwaizumi had bought him, iwaizumi made his way to oikawa's room, intending to close the door, but when he got there, a small, pink, almost white petal greeted him just outside of oikawa's room, a few, maybe 6, was scattered outside of oikawa's room.

iwaizumi raised an eyebrow. flower petals? outside oikawa's room? he wondered. when he crouched to pick them up and throw them away, blood was next to the petals. iwaizumi's eyes widened.

blood? who's blood?

his eyes trailed, following the blood which lead straight to oikawa's room. the room was lit up, which made it easier to see. in oikawa's room, scattered petals, thick thorns, some dangerously thin you can barely see them, and blood. some blood on his sheets, on the floor, his study desk.

oikawa peeked a head out of the kitchen to check where iwaizumi had gone to, and when he saw him just outside his room, staring straight at him with wide eyes and a pale face, that he knew right then and there, that iwaizumi hajime had known. 

they sat in thick silence in oikawa's living room, sipping on the warm tea that iwaizumi had made for the both of them. oikawa wondered when was the last time he had drank tea. it soothed his throat, and calmed his nerves. but not calm enough.

he heaved a cough deep in his chest and covered his mouth with his hand, catching the petals, thorns, and blood on his hand.

oikawa winced as he opened his hand, staring down at his hand that was full of thorny, bloodied, petals.

iwaizumi watched his expression with a frown, and turned his gaze to look at his friend's hand. he furrowed his eyebrows. iwaizumi knew that oikawa was a total love sick person, dreaming about having a girlfriend, possibly a boyfriend before high school ended. he stood from his seat and went to the bathroom to throw away the petals and wash his hands. when he came back, they sat in silence once again.

oikawa traced the rim of the cup with his finger, staring into the contents of the cup with an emotion that iwaizumi could not pin down. iwaizumi stared into his own cup, looking at his reflection as he blinked back the tears that was daring him to spill.

iwaizumi sighed.

"so how long"

"....which one?"

"how long since you've known."

"maybe a month or two ago."

".....how long?"

"......2 weeks tops"

iwaizumi grimaced. thats so little time.

"get surgery"

"no"

"why?"

"i'd rather die loving the person i fell in love with rather than dying a pitiful, long, unlovable death, iwa-chan."

he was right there.

"who is it?"

"you'll get mad if i tell you who."

"i wont"

"next time"

iwaizumi grimaced once more. when is 'next time'? when he's 6 feet under?

iwaizumi gazed up at his friend with glassy eyes, while oikawa just stared bitterly at his cup. iwaizumi looked back down, clasping his hands together.

"alright. next time it is."

iwaizumi stared longingly at the smiling picture of oikawa atop his coffin, tears brimming his eyes as he stared longer.

he averted his gaze to the ground, tears rolling down his cheeks and dropping down to the floor.

he promised oikawa that he wouldn't cry in his funeral, and instead make embarrassing jokes about him, and when oikawa laughed, saying it would piss his family off, iwaizumi couldn't care less. he wanted to make oikawa's funeral light hearted, the way he wants it to be. but he himself can't even mutter up a single word, trying to choke up his sobs as he covered his mouth with his hand.

he could imagine oikawa laughing at him in wherever he ended up in, saying that he sounded so cocky and sure of himself when he uttered bullshit to his face about his funeral as they planned it in their heads, but now he's just a crying mess, the funeral that he and oikawa planned the night before he died long forgotten as his chest tightened up, and his eyes blurred the colors and details of the world.

iwaizumi was tapped on his shoulder by his team mate, catching his attention as he looked up with fat tears rolling down his cheeks like waterfalls.

"i-iwaizumi-san... it's your turn to speak." kindaichi mumbled, holding back tears of his own. iwaizumi let his eyes wander to the front as he nodded numbly to kindaichi's words. he didn't want to speak. his throat closed up, and his hands became clammy, his heart beating out of his chest, head spinning as a headache rolled in.

he looked back down to the ground, and clenched his fist. he made his way to the front, dragging his feet behind him as he tried to collect his thoughts and words to make a speech.

once he was there, he stared. with a troubled, and lost expression, iwaizumi started speaking.

"hey, iwa-chan?"

"hm?" iwaizumi hummed, playing with the strands of oikawa's hair.

"remember when you asked me who it was?"

"yeah. are you going to tell me now?" iwaizumi questioned, grabbing oikawa's hand and playing with his fingers.

"well, you might get mad."

"i get mad at everything you do, tooru."

"so you're going to get mad when i say that i got the hanahaki disease because of you?" oikawa questioned his friend, grasping at iwaizumi's hand and holding it in his.

iwaizumi froze.

he tightened his grip on oikawa's hand.

"well,"

iwaizumi started off, hesitant in picking his words

"i cant....get mad at you for having feelings." oikawa brought their interlocked hands to his lips. iwaizumi could feel oikawa smile against his hand as he placed a chaste kiss on the exposed skin.

"why not?"

iwaizumi stayed silent, carefully watching oikawa's movements.

when oikawa turned his head to look at iwaizumi, his cheeks flared pink.

"w-what the hell are you staring at, iwa-chan?" oikawa fumbled, squeezing iwaizumi's hand. iwaizumi squeezed back as a response.

"ugh, i hate you so much" iwaizumi grumbled, holding oikawa's head in place as he planted a barely there kiss on top of his forehead.

iwaizumi didn't know why, but a memory of him and oikawa laying down on the couch, limbs tangled together in a mess had played while he was speaking.

if oikawa was here to see iwaizumi's little speech he'd laugh his stupid laugh that iwaizumi had grown accustomed to, finding comfort in his little wheezes and squeaks whenever he laughed. he would laugh at iwaizumi's sappy speech, telling him to cheer up because they're going to get his favorite food later after this is finished.

iwaizumi just bitterly chuckled at that thought.

'if'

'if is such a dumb word.' iwaizumi thought, folding his hands in front of himself as he went back to his spot before.

he thought, he could feel oikawa's presence by his side. he thought he could see oikawa's smile as he side hugged iwaizumi. he thought he could hear his low chuckle as he made a small joke about how ugly iwaizumi looked while he was crying. he thought he got a glimpse of oikawa's dumb brown hair that always looked to be in great condition no matter what. he thought he could feel him.

he thought.

.....

iwaizumi hated it here. it felt suffocating. felt like everyone was hogging up all the oxygen and leaving none for him.

so he left early.

he walked down the street, lifelessness showing clearly in his eyes. the people walking around him bumped into him, some not bothering to say sorry, some even yelling at him but he could care less.

he pulled his scarf closer to his nose, burying his head deeper into the folds of the soft cotton. he weakly huffed, eyes searching the busy street of cars for something. was it oikawa he was searching? he didn't know either.

his eyes lingered on a street lamp before wandering again, slowly blinking. eyes stopping dead on a figure in the middle of the street.

"iwa-chan!" oikawa waved, smiling brightly at iwaizumi.

iwaizumi's eyes lit up, his feet moving on its own.

he choked down a sob as he walked towards oikawa.

walking turned to jogging.

and jogging turned to running.

"shittykawa, what are you doing there! you'll get hit!" iwaizumi let out a cracked chuckle, finally a few inches away from him. he reached out to him, but oikawa dodged, laughing as he ran away from iwaizumi.

"come catch me if you can, iwa-chan!" oikawa challenged, running towards the other end of the street.

iwaizumi's eyes dilated. no, he couldn't lose oikawa again.

"t-tooru wait, no, please, don't leave me again!" iwaizumi desperately called, running after oikawa. the said person laughed giddily, turning to iwaizumi and opening his arms.

"come home iwa-chan! i miss you" oikawa managed a smile, his eyes shining brightly as iwaizumi stared into them.

"home...haha...sure, tooru." iwaizumi panted, hanging his arms around oikawa's waist.

oikawa placed his chin atop iwaizumi's head and wrapped his arms around iwaizumi's shoulders, shielding his sight from the incoming truck.

"yeah. you're home now, hajime."

ah, how cruel life is.

[the-starless-sky]

cozmez x Akan Yatsura / “FAMILY” voice drama track 1

Zen: Sorry for suddenly asking you to do a job even though you’re busy preparing for the live, Kanata-kun.

Kanata: No... I need money too, after all.

Iori: Aight, here ya go, payment for the job. Added in a bonus, too.

Kanata: Thanks.

Iori: Ah, yeah, I saw yer stage the other day. The one against BAE.

Zen: It was brilliant! I was moved. The track that felt like it’s swooping down on you, the profound lyrics... You two’s desire turned into fierce vibes, and pressed into my heart!!

Kanata: Yeah.

Zen: You guys weren’t bad during the Opening Show, but now you were like different people altogether! It’s like, you were giving your all... and you looked like you’re really having fun!

Kanata: Having fun...?

Zen: Yeah! You had a good expression, Kanata-kun!

Kanata: Oh, really.

Iori: ‘Sup with that thin reaction~?

Kanata: It doesn’t matter how good if we lose, after all.

Zen: There’s no such thingーー

Kanata: We get no money if we lose, we ain’t doing it for fun.

Iori: ‘s good to have ambitions, I like that kinda dazzle.

Kanata: Thanks.

Iori: Yer next opponent is us, Akan Yatsura. Haha, seem like it’d be an interestin’ match!

Kanata: Suiseki-san, I have one thing I want to ask you...

Iori: What’s it? Say it.

Kanata: Your team... Akan Yatsura’s other members, do they know about this?

Iori: Whatcha mean by “this”?

Kanata: That you’re collecting metals behind the scenes. Using people like me, doing business you can’t talk about to others. [1]

Zen: You...!

Iori: Ooh, how unusual.

Kanata: Huh?

Iori: Askin’ stuff about other people... I thought ya ain’t interested in anyone but yer lil’ bro.

Kanata: I didn’t meanーー

Iori: No reason to tell ‘em stuff they don’t ‘ave to know.

Kanata: ...!

Iori: Rest assured, they know nothin’.

Kanata: Is that so.

Zen: That’s why, you don’t have to worry during our match, too! Let’s ignore our standings and collide with all of our strength!

Kanata: “Stuff they don’t ‘ave to know”, you said... well yeah, of course you won’t tell them a thing.

Zen: Huh?

Kanata: The end for people who keeps using phantometals, that is.

Zen: That’s...!

Kanata: “Team is family”... saying stuff like “family”, but not telling them the important things... only showing the good stuff, you’re just deceiving and using them idiots, huh?

Zen: You’re wrong! They’re fully aware of the metal’s risks andーー

Kanata: Nobody can stop the erosion once it’s started. You’ll melt, and get swallowed by the metal - do they know this too?

Zen: ...!

Kanata: Suiseki-san... that name of yours, it’s the name of the ex-boss who were killed in the attack incident, right?

Iori: What’s that? Yanno it well, don’tcha?

Kanata: I looked it up, you know? ‘Cause I don’t like getting used one-sidedly.

Iori: Ooh~? The lil’ rat in my control’s be playin’ detective and tryna threaten the Suiseki Iori, that it?

Kanata: Stop screwin’ around...

Iori: Ha?

Kanata: Suiseki-san... you inherited a name and now you feel like you’re family? If you’re a family... if you guys think you’re a real family, then why do you let them do stuff that’ll whittle their own life? Families share everything, however dirty or painful it is. There ain’t a need for secrets! No need for secrecy! If it’s to protect another’s life, then your own life don’t matter! That’s what a “family” is, ain’t it!?

Iori: Are ya... tellin’ yerself that?

Kanata: Ha?

Iori: Both ‘a us keep secrets from our family, don’t we? Did ya tell yer lil’ bro about this business? About the metal...

Kanata: ...!

Iori:  “No reason to tell ‘em stuff they don’t ‘ave to know”, ain’t we the same?

Kanata: Don’t lump me with you! I do it to protect Nayuta!! Unlike you guys who do it to conveniently use them!

Zen: You...!! You’re crossing the line!!

Kanata: The next match!

Iori & Zen: ?

Kanata: We’ll absolutely win. There’s no way we’ll lose to a mock family like you!

Iori & Zen: ...

Kanata: Nayuta and I... we’ll hammer into you all that cozmez’s the most terrific.

(Kanata walks away.)

Iori: Haha, “mock family”, huh. He said something clever. Sounds extreme delicious if you put it an oden! [2]

Zen: Waka!

Iori: Hey. You’re s’posed to laugh just now!

Zen: ...! I’m sorry, but...! There will come a time one day that Kanata-kun will have to see the reality... the truth. For that reason, Waka purposefully collected metals...

Iori: It’s fine. ’s a child who’ve been hurt terribly by dirty adults up ‘til now. Well, that ‘stray cat’ kinda part of him made me can’t ignore him, though.

Zen: Sigh. We’re not a charity, you know? 

Iori: I know that~! ‘s why, we’ll win the live. We’ll seize the 10 billion without fail. Rest assured! Plus, on that case too... I’ll settle it without fail. [3]

Zen: Yes.

Iori: Well then, I’ll be goin�� out for a while.

Zen: To where?

Iori: A secret, s-e-c-r-e-t!

Zen: ...

Iori: What’s with tha’ face? Haha, don’tcha worry. ‘S minor business, minor business.

(Iori walks away.)

Iori: See ya!

Zen: ...Minor business, he said... Sigh. Waka, if it’s for you, I intend to do any job, whatever it is.   Even so, why are you always, by yourself... Sigh. “Family”, huh...

_

(Sound of train passing through.)

(Kanata opens the door.)

Kanata: I’m home.

Nayuta: Oh, welcome home, Kanata.

Kanata: How are you feeling, Nayuta? Your fever?

Nayuta: Mm, I’m fine already. Anyways, where’d you go? When I woke up, you’re gone.

Kanata: Sorry, just doing a minor business. In return, here.

(Kanata opens a plastic bag.)

Nayuta: Huh? It’s Raimen-tei!

Kanata: You’re hungry, aren’t you? Let’s eat before it gets cold. Chuuka-don and gomoku yakisoba [4]. Which one you want?

Nayuta: You choose, Kanata.

Kanata: I’m fine with whichever. Get what you want, Nayuta.

Nayuta: ...No.

Kanata: Huh?

Nayuta: Kanata is always like that. You always put me first.

Kanata: What’s up, suddenly?

Nayuta: I don’t like stuff like that. Kanata, you have to take care of yourself more. Kanata, you always think of me first. But even I want to put Kanata first, too.

Kanata: Huh?

Nayuta: That’s why, today, you choose, Kanata.

Kanata: Sigh. Fine. Then, I’ll get the yakisobaーno, let’s share it half and half. Then we can eat both, right?

Nayuta: You’re right, but...

Kanata: “Sharing everything is what a family is”, right?

_

Kanata: Aah, it was good! We’re full now, so, let’s sleep.

Nayuta: Kanata.

Kanata: Huh?

Nayuta: There’s something that’s always been on my mind...

Kanata: What?

Nayuta: I don’t think we can continue being like this.

Kanata: Ha?

Nayuta: Um... I think it’s better for Kanata to go out more. It’s better for you to widen your world.

Kanata: You... what are you saying, suddenly?

Nayuta: I understood from our battle with BAE the other day... because Kanata was different. 

Kanata: Me? Ha, which part? I’m just as usualーー

Nayuta: No, you were different. You were... you were way, way better than the usual Kanata.

Kanata: ...!

Nayuta: I think... it’s probably because of the thing with BAE. After that, Kanata started making the track with amazing vigor, right?

Kanata: That’s... I just didn’t want to lose against those naive guys, that’s all.

Nayuta: That day’s stage... I felt it. That our music have a way amazing future. That meeting changed Kanata. I felt it, you do too, don’t you?

Kanata: ...!

Nayuta: You can’t keep being closed off like this. If we stay only in our world... one day, we’ll reach our limits.

Kanata: Don’t say stupid things! Weren’t we always the best!? Nayuta and I - what else do we need!?

Nayuta: Other people.

Kanata: ...!

Nayuta: Other people’s music. Other people’s passion. Hope. Desire. That’s what will make you stronger, Kanata.

Kanata: ...

Nayuta: That’s why, Kanata. Go out more. Meet other people. If you do, cozmez can go to greater heights.

Kanata: Then, Nayuta, you too. With meーー

Nayuta: I’m not going.

Kanata: Why!?

Nayuta: You understand, don’t you? I can’t go.

Kanata: What are youーー

Nayuta: You have to go by yourself, Kanata.

Kanata: Ha?

Nayuta: Kanata, for yourself.

Kanata: ...!

(Sound of train passing through.)

Kanata: Stop screwing around... STOP SCREWING AROUND!!

(Kanata kicks some stuff.)

Kanata: What the hell are you on about!? “Go by yourself”!? Don’t screw with me!!

Nayuta: ...

Kanata: We were always together... we did everything with only the two of us, didn’t we!? When we got hit by shitty adults, when we ran away from the orphanage...!! Hungry, frozen, when we live by drinking muddy water...!!

Nayuta: Yeah... Kanata always protected me.

Kanata: I’m fine if I only have you, Nayuta!! Other people’s music, passion, who the hell cares about that!? I don’t ー we don’t need it! I always told you, don’t I!? If we’re together, we’re the strongest...!!

Nayuta: Kanata...

Kanata: Don’t... leave me alone... I... it’s enough if I only have Nayuta...

Nayuta: Kanata... I’m the same. I want to make Kanata happy. Because you’re my number one... I want to make you happy even if it costs me my life.

(Kanata cries.)

Nayuta: Don’t cry, Kanata... I’m sorry... There’s nothing else I can do...

(Sound of train passing.)

_

(Reo bangs on the door.)

Reo: Satsuki-chan!! Hey, get a grip!! Until when are you going to be in the toilet!? Make it fast, Satsuki-chan!! Are you pooping!? Hey, are you pooping!!?

(Satsuki opens the door.)

Satsuki: I’m not pooping, you shitty brat!!

Reo: Waahhh, stinky!!! You really were pooping!!

Satsuki: Shut up!! You just have to pinch your nose and get in!!

Zen: Hey! Be good and use the toilet in order! Jeez, even though we’re about to eat.

(Hokusai puts plates and chopsticks on the table.)

Hokusai: I’m done putting the plates and chopsticks on the table... What should I do next...?

Zen: Thank you, Hokusai! Then, please get the usual out.

Hokusai: Okay.

Iori: Yawn... Oh, smells good. 

Zen: Today’s miso-shiru is Waka’s favorite, potato miso-shiru!

Iori: Ooh, ‘s merry! Ooh... dried horse mackerel, spinach ohitashi, hijiki, and tamagoyaki, huh... [5] Good work as usual.

Zen: Not at all. A healthy mind dwell in a healthy body! Eating is important, after all!

Iori: Haha, yer right, but..

Hokusai: Zen. Strawberry, banana, and yoghurt... which one?

Iori: Eatin’ protein as dessert’s kindaーー

Zen: Ah! Waka, in place of closing tea, would you like the matcha flavor?

Iori: No... yeah.

_

Iori: Alright!

Satsuki & Reo: Let’s dig in!!

Hokusai: Let’s eat.

(Sound of door bell ringing.)

Iori: Huh? Who is it at this time?

Zen: Is it some kind of a salesperson?

(Door bell keeps ringing.)

Satsuki: So noisy!

(Satsuki stands up.)

Satsuki: Zen-nii, I’ll drive them away quick!

(Door bell keeps ringing.)

Satsuki: Oi, you’re bein’ noisy so early in the morning!! Get aーー

(Satsuki opens the door.)

Satsuki: ...!? Eh!?

Reo: Hey, did you reject them properly?

Hokusai: Satsuki.

Satsuki: Ah, no... when I opened the door, he’s standing in the foyer...

Reo: Huh? You, have I seen you somewhere...?

Hokusai: cozmez’s... Kanata...?

Iori: Huh? What’s upーー Ha...?

Zen: Kanata-kun... why are you here?

Kanata: I told you that I’ve investigated the Suiseki group, didn’t I? I know, at least, that this is the only house left after the group collapsed.

Satsuki: Oi, how dare you speak informally to Zen-nii!? Rather, Zen-nii, do you know him?

Zen: No, uh...

Iori: And? What business d’ya have, suddenly bargin’ in to other people’s house?

Kanata: Suiseki-san... I want to speak one-on-one with you.

Reo: Whaーdid you come to pick a fight!?

Satsuki: Aight, I’ll fight you, get out!

Hokusai: Fighting is not good...

Iori: Haha. That’s how it is. Everyone here’s my family. Don’t hold back, say anything ya want. Or... are ya scared in front of everyone ya can’t talk?

Kanata: Such a thing...

Zen: Judging from your state... something serious happened, didn’t it? If there’s anything we can do for you, then please.

Kanata: Um, yesterday... I’m sorry.

Iori: Huh.

Kanata: I’ll apologize for yesterday. That’s why, Nayuta... please, look for Nayuta...!

Notes

[1] As in illegal, dark dealings.

[2] It’s a play on words. “Modoki” means “mock” or “-pseudo”. I think he’s punning it with “ganmodoki”, a type of dish. From Wikipedia: “Ganmodoki is a fried tofu fritter made with vegetables, such as carrots, lotus roots and burdock. It may also contain egg. Ganmodoki means pseudo-goose This is because ganmodoki is said to taste like goose”. You can also put it in an oden.

[3] He’s not talking in his fake accent...

[4]  From Wikipedia: Chuuka-don is a bowl of rice with stir-fried vegetables, onions, mushrooms, and thin slices of meat on top. From japanfoodaddict.com: Gomoku Yakisoba is crispy, grilled noodles with vegetables, pork, and seafood, in a hearty, thick sauce.

[5] Ohitashi:  boiled greens in bonito-flavored soy sauce; hijiki:  dark edible seaweed usually sold in dried black strips; tamagoyaki: fried egg.

[amber-tortoiseshell]

Additional propaganda from the tags:

#BLUE MACKEREL TABBY SWEEP PLS#FOR TARO#black dilute tabby

#BLUE MACKEREL TABBY SWEEEEP

#SOMEONE ELSE SUBMITTED DAVE#LMAO#I LOVE THAT#VOTE DAVE Y’ALL

#vote blotched!!#he is so pretty#the contrast and shape of the pattern is so good

#VOTE FOR MY FRIEND’S CAT DAVE!!!!!! HE’S SO SPECIAL!!!!!!

#BLUE MACKEREL TABBY SWEEP#look at this face and tell me he doesn't deserve to win#bear tag

#HELL YEAH BLUE TABBIES THATS WHAT MY BABY IS!!

#I’ve had so many cats with option 1#currently I have 2

#vote for blue mackerel since that’s the closest thing to my gray boy <3

#DAVE DAVE DAVE

#GREY TABBY SWEEP

#BLUE BLUE BLUE BLUE

#nooo dont let blue cats dies like this :((((#the blotched tabby is very sweet but why other onez ourple??? do they know??????

#BLUE MACKEREL TABBY#DO IT FOR TARO#FOR MEEEE

#I can tell people are voting without scrolling to the bottom of the post

#go blotched tabby!

Black blotched tabby with white

Genotype: A_ B_ C_ D_ __ E_ ii kk mcmc oo/o- spsp titi wsw Wb_ wb'wb'

Submitter: @philtrashnumber666

Propaganda:

Blotched is the most beautiful pattern ♡

Blue mackerel tabby

Submitter: @catboymettaton, @kjmellow

Genotype: A_ B_ C_ dd dmdm E_ ii kk Mc_ oo/o- spsp titi ww Wb_ wb'wb'

Synonym submissions: Blue/gray mackerel tabby, purple

Propaganda:

includes the purple (and blue) variety (from this post):

[crow-lyn]

Something about us(Chapter 4) soukoku

https://archiveofourown.org/works/27504406/chapters/67256563

Man-Eater (Part 1)

Dazai P.O.V

“I know, so do I”

Those words itched at the back of my brain, God, I can’t get it out of my head, I could barely even get some decent sleep because of him. 

Cheeky bastard. I chuckled

There’s no point on thinking about it if it’s just going to confuse me. I grabbed my smartphone from under my pillow and decided to call Oda for advice on what to do.

I called him two times no answer?. I decided to give up he's probable sleeping still I mean it's still only 4:00AM, I put my smartphone back down on my bed and headed to the bathroom. 

It was nothing out of the ordinary just plain white floor tiles a cracked mirror and medication capsule on the sink counter, I started brushing my hair until I heard

the phone ring!

I frantically ran back to my room and picked up the phone "Hello, do you need something" voice yearning with ecstatic as I gripped the phone tightly

"You tell me, you're the one who called first?" the older man's voice sounded as if he hasn't slept in the last four days? "You ok Oda, you sound hella tired?"

The man sighed "Of course I am you woke me up on a Saturday in the middle of the night?" 

I felt kinda bad I mean he teaches a bunch of annoying high schoolers throughout the week and this was one of his only off days, I should've thought of that

"Sorry, I'll call back later in the day" my voice ringed with guilt "No need" the gruff older man said "I can't go back to bed now, so tell me why did you call me again?"

I heisted for a moment, why did I even call him? I pondered deeply in though. I was so caught up in thought that I couldn't overhear Oda calling out my name in confusion

"Osamu!"

The man practically yelled out "Oh sorry about that" I almost dropped the phone out of realization whenever he yelled, but who was he to blame I was kinda blanking out when I was the one to call him in the first place

 "I called because I wanted to talk to you privately" that was slightly the truth, I did want to see him to get the other man out of my mind but this works too.

"Fine, we'll meet at the usually spot"

"Yes, thank you very much" I tried containing my joy but it really wasn't working, it's been awhile since just the two of us have hanged out so might as well make the most of it.

I took care of all the essentials like taking a bath and brushing my teeth and now I was ready to go but before I left I looked myself up and down at the mirror 

"Damn I look nice" I winked at myself while fingerguned myself while I walked out of my small apartment. _________________________________________________________________________

I meet up with Oda at the usual café we attended "Well don't you look damper?"

"Don't I always look damper?" I retorted sharply with my hand on my chest acting if what the man said was the harshest thing in the world

"Whatever you say drama queen" he ruffled my hair making it look messier than it already was"Hey this took me awhile to do"I said in defense trying to fix the mess he made.

We finally sat down and took our orders. He obviously ordered a raspberry black tea while I just went with a pure black coffee, I didn't really like it but I also didn't really hate it either

We talked about our week and whatnot until Oda realized that I was avoiding the elephant in the room "So what did you need to talk about so desperately?" 

the man swirled his drink left and right gently while his eyes drifted at the view in the windows.

"I like someone" I darted my eyes somewhere else not really knowing how he was going to react

Oda face stopped looking at the window at slightly shifted it facing me eyes widened 

"Thee Dazai Osamu likes someone, never in my years would I think that you could say something like that?"

"Oh stop it!" I hid my face in my arms "This is why I don't tell you things!" my skin reddened by the minute "Oh hush, so tell me what do they look like?"

God, I wished I didn't tell him, he was just going to tease me about it later 

"They're short, cute and easy to tease, oh and whenever I tease them their hand go into fist and their face reddens like red pepper it's so adorable I have to show you one day"

"My, My you must really like them to talk that highly of them"the silly man jested at me "Why don't you ask them out" Oda advised

"I did think about asking them out on a date if you must know, but apart of me feels like they're going to say no though?"

Oda raised up from his seat as he flicked my forehead "OW!" I winced in pain "What the hell was that for?" I hissed

 "Dazai, there're no women in this world that would say no to a man like you. Even you know that!"

But the person I want isn't a man I wanted to say but instead I just went with a soft "Your right"

"So...?" Oda said

"So what?" I replied oblivious. He flicked my forehead again "OW, Assho-" he cut me off "Your not leaving here until you ask them out ok" from the tone of his voice I knew he wasn't joking about it

"Fine, fine" I waved the man off as he left the café.

I sat in my seat for a good 30minutes until I mustered up the courage to text chuuya

Mackerel: hey u up?

Of course he's up you idiot i'ts like 2 in the morning I thought

Slug: yeah, you need smth?

Mackerel: want to go on a date tomorrow?

He didn't answer for a while, god this was stupid why did I even take oda advi-

Slug: sure, where thou?

He said yes he actually said YES!, maybe there is a god up there

Mackerel: it's a surprised, we'll meet up at the park near your house

Slug: sure, see u then~

Words couldn't explain how happy I was I fist pumped the air profusely, 

people around looked at me weirdly but that didn't matter I got a date I hummed in my head. 

After calming down a little I realized something what would I even wear though on a date?.

[luminara]

Soukoku

A Love Like War by psychncislover (37,883 - ongoing)

The city of Yokohama was maintained by two Mafia Families. When an enemy targets the Nakahara Family, they find their only hopes lies in an alliance... with their greatest enemy, the Tsushima Family. But their help comes with a price - a marriage between the two heirs! Will both sides survive not only this enemy, but each other?

Only Human by TheGeatCatsby (62,143 - complete)

Shortly after the defeat of Mimic, Dazai Osamu leaves the Port Mafia. Wanting to take advantage of the situation, the government sends Nakahara Chuuya to gain his trust.

carve your love into my skin by Dont_Wake_The_Writer (64,820 - ongoing)

Chuuya looks underneath Dazai's bandages without his permission. What he finds underneath changes everything.

can the city forgive by erytheia (27,658 - ongoing)

Chuuya knows he’s so so close, fingertips just barely brushing the possibilities between them. But Dazai’s the one calling the shots again, and he’s yanking it away, out of Chuuya’s grasp, taking absolute control before Chuuya even knows he’s given it up. Every single facet of their relationship is one-sided, both of them too blind and too stubborn to stop for a second and consider what’s on the other side of the wall between them before they try to tear their way through it.

A Dandy In The Underworld by idontevenlogic (72,606 - ongoing)

Dazai presented the white candle with one hand and stretched his other hand out towards Chuuya. “My life to defend until your bitter end! Through the fire and iron of Hell, I order you to walk with me! I name you—”

Dazai’s eyes fluttered open as a tired smile spread across his lips at the sight of Chuuya’s impossibly stormy eyes widening with the realization of what specific spell the executive was performing. Nearly falling, the Wellspring altered his course in an attempt to flee from the range of the spell, but the power of the sigil’s pull had already latched onto him like a noose and began to pull him back towards Dazai, despite his wounded hollering and ceaseless writhing.

“—I name you, Nakahara Chuuya, my familiar!”

* * *

Or: Nakahara Chuuya returns to Yokohama and is forced into aiding the Port Mafia in helping them capture a mysterious, dangerous hacker from a checkered past. Along the way, he has to adjust to his new life as the familiar to the most infamous warlock in all of Yokohama: the one and only Dazai Osamu.

of bells, coffees, and love in between by KyuBaisu (40,398 - complete)

Chuuya just wants to eat with his sister, but he ends up wearing a gown, make-up, and high-heels in a fake wedding.

Dazai just wants to see the girl from the advertisement he did years ago, the girl with the ginger hair, blue eyes, and a never disappearing annoyed expression.

A Collision of Fates by dgalerab (83,603 - complete)

Dazai Osamu has always known his fate - to become the vessel of the Hollow God, a god hellbent on reuniting with Its lover, the Tainted God, and wreaking havoc on the world.

But that doesn't mean he can't try going on a last ditch effort of a quest trying to stop it from happening.

hide the truth by writingfromtheshadows (24,611 - complete)

When Chuuya wakes up in the middle of an ongoing fight without any memory of how he got there or what happened to him, he ends up turning to someone saved as 'bandage-waster' in his phone. Somehow, it just feels like the right decision.

Gifted by TheGreatCatsby (28,863 - ongoing)

The government's experiments with genetics to induce "gifts" in children is a well-kept secret. Dazai is sent to infiltrate one of the facilities and gather information. He is assigned to be the nurse of one of the facility's oldest and most successful experiments.

Message Received by hellosweetie17 (26,579 - ongoing)

Late for work, Chuuya collides with a stranger on the sidewalk. A stranger who happens to be annoying, frustrating, flirtatious, and even worse—gorgeous. Thanks to a tricky sleight of hand, their encounter leads to Chuuya texting the wrong number.

Dazai Osamu begrudgingly finds happiness (It's a long road) by BlueFlameSakura (34,810 - ongoing)

Dazai Osamu had never even dreamt  about this happening to him, not even his worst nightmares could compare to this. To being married off to some stupid alpha prince as a mockery of a peace offering.

North- and South-Yokohama had been at war for several centuries now, and as much as the brunette would like a bit more of the tranquility peace between their nations would provide, couldn't it have been done with someone else? Or in another few decades?

Well, apparently not.

How to Hornswoggle Death by SecretlyACatLady (20,544 - ongoing)

This wasn't what Chuuya had in mind when he hoped for a big haul. ----- In which Chuuya is a fisherman with an adventurous past and Dazai is a merman who tries to bully Chuuya into killing him.

keep you alive, set you on fire by flyby (23,574 - complete)

Dazai steps out in a dress and heels for a mission, since the gown won't fit Yosano. He's only supposed to spend an hour or so leading their targets on a dance around a charity gala, but the unexpected arrival of a certain Port Mafia Executive threatens to disrupt all his plans. And when he and Chuuya find themselves finally face to face, they end up entwined in a tense game of mutual provocation...

bad enough for you by Maristella (28,555 - complete)

There are two reasons why Chuuya tolerates Dazai: 1.) The god inside Chuuya hates him; 2.) Chuuya definitely hates the god more than the stinking demon mackerel.

Or, alternatively, that one time Dazai and Chuuya swaps abilities, and Arahabaki was never the same.

360 degrees by setosdarkness (11,060 - complete)

Chuuya gets cursed by an Ability that forces him to eternally live out his biggest regret. Unlike the other victims who end up killing themselves or hurting others, Chuuya goes into a coma.

For his biggest regret is—

[groundhog day AU with a twist, where Chuuya relives the day Dazai leaves the Port Mafia over and over and over and over]

black /// reciprocity set by setosdarkness (3,363 - complete)

Soulmate AU where your soulmate mark will only appear on your skin once you’ve fallen in love with your soulmate.

Chuuya has Dazai’s name on his neck while Dazai’s skin is bare of any names.

partners by setosdarkness (27,746 - ongoing)

Chuuya realizes that he’s been married to Dazai since they’re 15: The Fic.

Featuring: wedding fairs, faked marriage registries, angry calls to newspaper agencies for unsolvable crosswords, fake leather couches, love epiphanies and falling in love, not necessarily in that order.

This Way Lies Madness by setosdarkness (41,338 - ongoing)

It’s supposed to be simple. Go in, hand over the questionnaires, wait a few minutes, take the answered questionnaires, get the fuck out. Chuuya should have known, with his shitty luck, that nothing’s ever going to be simple for him.

(—the one where Chuuya inadvertently catches the attention of quite possibly the worst serial killer in history, Dazai) (—police-trainee!Chuuya, inmate!Dazai)

our hearts steeped in hate by setosdarkness (10,202 - ongoing)

Needing to kiss your soulmate to stay alive sounds romantic in context, but absolutely shitty in reality if you’re bound to someone you despise with all your heart and soul.

The act of being human by purplesan (31,457 - complete)

‘This is Chuuya Nakahara, your new caretaker.’ his mother stated. Dazai’s eyes only widened in shock.

‘A robot?’

‘Kind of a degrading term, but yes; a robot.’

Dazai’s glaring only intensified. ‘I don’t need some pathetic excuse of a toy as a caretaker. No one can replace Odasaku anyway. Couldn't you have gotten me a pet instead?’

Chuuya didn’t seem to be affected by Dazai’s insults, which only showed how very non-human he actually was.

‘Stop behaving like a spoiled brat! We could have sent you to a clinic the moment you decided to behave like this, but instead we spent a lot of money on getting you this expensive solution.’

‘You could have spent more money on getting protection for Odasaku.’

(In which all 7 year-old Dazai really wants is to get back Odasaku, but gets Chuuya instead. Though in the end, perhaps the hatrack isn't all that terrible)

chuuya is red hot and dazai is so not by toriosaurus (12,040 - complete)

Dazai couldn't wrap his brain around it. How could the student population think that Chuuya Nakahara was more attractive than him? And, alright, sure, maybe professors shouldn't get caught up in petty drama. But to Dazai, this wasn't just drama. This was war. A war in which he was not going to lose.

The wooing art by holdinglucy (20,940 - complete)

The one where Dazai ended up with more tattoos than he intended to. Or:

Dazai's attempts at wooing the very hot, very dangerous tattoo artist he's just met.

Wrapped up in You by quinnlocke (100,935 - complete)

Chuuya just wants to get through his day as a reptile expert, but there's a bandaged lunatic in his reptile house trying to get murdered by his snakes.

Saving the man's life is a courtesy, taking him home is just asking for trouble.

still still still by toriosaurus (112,578 - complete)

Finally, Chuuya eloquently said, “I don’t want to date you.” Dazai huffed. “Yeah, well, I’m not too thrilled at the idea of having a crazy rockstar boyfriend. But you got us into this mess, you need to help us get out of it.” Had Dazai gone insane? Nakahara Chuuya and Dazai Osamu, dating? Had Chuuya not made it clear through the dozens of direct and indirect meetings that he despised Dazai with every fiber in his body.

Featuring: drunk tweets, falling in love, horrendous song writing, cheesy interviews, learning how to "fake it," and Chuuya getting over the headache that is Dazai. Not necessarily in that order.

where your loyalties lie by writingfromtheshadows (163,126 - complete)

Loyalty is the foundation of the yakuza code, something that was drilled into Chuuya at an early age. However, his lessons did not cover how to manage a political marriage with his organization's oldest rival.

color theory by setosdarkness (2,469 - complete)

Soulmate AU where your heart glows whenever you’re with your soulmate. The color of the glow depends on your feelings for them.

(the one where Chuuya and Dazai make sure to wear layers and layers of clothes and/or bandages just so they can hide their feelings.)

A Heat of Convenience /// A Mark of Inconvenience by dgalerab (19,902 - complete)

PART 1: Yosano won't give Dazai suppressants unless he can prove he's having a healthy amount of heats. Dazai tries to outsmart her. He fails. Chuuya picks up the slack.

PART 2: Dazai gets used to his new arrangement with Chuuya as his heat partner by forcing Chuuya to claim him. It works both better and worse than he expected.

centrifugal/centripetal by TopHat69 (154,138 - ongoing)

[No Summary Available] A/B/O Dynamics

A Catspaw in the Wolf Court by dgalerab (58,357 - complete)

Prince Dazai, a single werecat in a court of wolves, is to be married off to Prince Chuuya, a fox in the kingdom that accepts everyone. He's given one instruction: bring back a defector to the wolves and topple Chuuya's kingdom from the inside.

Things, of course, get more complicated than that.

Counting the Days by Neiro Gin (Neiroa) (23,575 - complete)

How will a certain bandage-wearing ex-Mafioso detective react to hearing that his former partner-who-is-definitely-not-more-than-that has…

…a girlfriend?

“He has been all lovey-dovey with her ever since they came back together!”

“No way! How could any girl fall for that short hat rack?”

“I heard she’s glued to him every single minute of the day. He seems to really like her as well! I’ve never seen him so sweet to anybody!”

“Even if—and that’s a BIG if—she loves him, he’s not the type to just fall in love after only knowing someone for a short amount of time.”

“She’s French.”

“…”

“D-Dazai-san? Dazai-san?!”

Countdown by setosdarkness (31,175 - ongoing)

Eternally-single Chuuya is dared by his friends to date someone. Chuuya eventually agrees, but adds a condition: if the guy he chooses breaks up with him within 10 days, it will suffice as proof that Chuuya’s not meant for dating and therefore his friends will stop nagging at him about his non-existent lovelife.

Thinking that it’s an easy win, Chuuya chooses to date Dazai, his asshole childhood friend who’s known to be a serial womanizer.

Chuuya... is very wrong.

don't you ever tame your demons by writingfromtheshadows (108,592 - complete)

Every year, a handful of children are born with the ability to command supernatural powers. Thousands of dollars and dozens of trained specialists are tasked with identifying, tracking down, and labeling each one as Deviant. Once identified, they have no rights other than those that are permitted to them, and disobedience is a crime punishable by death.

Chuuya has never known a life outside of the routine he's forced to follow, but when the boss of Yokohama's Port Mafia offers him a chance of freedom, Chuuya is not prepared for the rebellion he's stumbling into.

Chuuya Nakahara and the Falling Camelia by Anonymous (12,628 - ongoing)

A new year begins at Hogwarts, and between a nervous wreck of a first year Chuuya met over the summer managing to become Akutagawa's arch enemy upon their first meeting, a pair of second year's younger sisters' complicating things, and leftover tension with Tachihara, Chuuya is in for a hectic term.

Things take a turn for the worse, however when there are rumors about a man eating were tiger, Dementors -- unspeakable creatures who bring back horrible memories and can steal your very soul -- surrounding Hogwarts as wardens and watchmen, and a murderer breaks out of Azkaban, a high security prison in the wizarding world.

Especially when that murderer is dead set on getting his hands on Dazai.

Chuuya Nakahara and the Chambers of Draconia by Anonymous (51,820 - complete)

After a first year full of questions, Chuuya barely gets a moment to breathe before his second year proves the last to be gentle in comparison. With tension among friends and the looming threat of an unknown danger, he'll need all of the clues he can get -- not just for the safety of the school, but for the strength of his friendships.

Madder Aubrieta by hypermoyashi (21,790 - ongoing)

Flowers bloomed, rain fell, and the whims of nature dictated all. This was the status quo that Chuuya knew, and it was a surprisingly delicate order. Change came in the form of a mysterious man he found, woken from an ageless sleep by none other than Chuuya himself.

Margin of Error /// Scale of Success by izanyas (31,416 - complete)

PART 1: After a failed assassination attempt on his person, Dazai finds himself recovering in an unfamiliar place: a hospital where criminals abound, staff and patients alike, and Dazai's own doctor is a little too attractive.

PART 2: Dazai makes due on his promise. Chuuya has to revise his.

[coffeeandcasefiles-blog]

“Keep an Eye on the Skies” - Who Called Gary Sudbrink?

"You’re being impersonated by the other voice.”

--

Gary Sudbrink was an Air Force Captain working as a pharmacist in San Antonio, Texas. In February 1993, Gary planned a surprise trip to visit his friends and family in his hometown of Long Island, NY. 

At his parent’s house, Gary made a phone call to his long-time friend, Mike. Gary expressed that he was back in Long Island and looked forward to making plans to see Mike. Mike, on the other hand, was very confused. 

Mike expressed to Gary that they had already spoken the day before, and that Gary had told him that he had just flown in to Laguardia Airport, and that they would not be able to get together as Gary was coming down with a cold. Gary, equally confused, told Mike that he had flown into JFK, not Laguardia, and that he was perfectly healthy. The two friends did not make plans to see each other. 

During this phone call, a beeping noise indicated that a call was waiting on the other line. Gary picked up, and began to record the call when a deep, strange, mechanical voice greeted him. 

 RECORDING OF CALL #1

GARY: I’ll tell you who it is.

VOICE: Hello?

GARY: Yeah. Do you want to speak to him?

VOICE: Is Gary Sud–Sudbrink there?

GARY: Yeah, who’s this? Steven? Are you playing games with me or what?

GARY: Huh? Steven if you’re playing games here, I’m going to kick your ass.

VOICE: So how long are you going to be back from Texas?

GARY: Huh?

VOICE: You’re being impersonated by the other voice.

GARY: Yeah this is you Steven—you idiot. You’re pissing me off. Jerk. I’m gonna get you on…let’s see what it says. Review. One new call. Out of area? Is Steven out of the area?

VOICE (interrupts): How long are you going to be back from Texas?

GARY: Wait, say that again.

VOICE: You’re being impersonated by the other voice.

GARY: Wait, hold on. Is Steven out of the calling area or what?

MOM: How do I know?

GARY: What do you mean, you don’t know? He’s in Queens.

DAD: Well who are you talking to?

GARY: I don’t know who the f*** I’m talking to…

VOICE (interrupts): Hello?

MOM: Hello?

VOICE: Is Gary Sud–Sudbrink there?

MOM: Who is this?

GARY (in background): Let me talk to him.

MOM: Somebody sounds like a robot.

GARY: Hello?

VOICE: How long are you going to be back from Texas?

GARY: What was that again, sir?

VOICE: You’re being impersonated by the other voice.

GARY (to family): Oh be quiet—else, eh? Sorry, will you say that again?

GARY: Hello? I’m being impersonated by what voice?

VOICE: Hello?

GARY: Yeah. Hello?

VOICE: Is Gary Sud–Sudbrink there?

GARY: Yeah, hold on a second.

MOM: Who is that?

GARY: It’s Steven. Okay. Yeah what is your question? I’ll answer it.

DAD (in background): …a strange voice.

VOICE: So how long are you going to be back from Texas?

GARY: How long–

VOICE (interrupts): You’re being impersonated by the other voice.

GARY: Right. When am I coming back? Is that your question?

VOICE (quieter voice): Sudbrink there?

DAD (in background): What’s a matter with you?

GARY: Okay there was a break, hold on. You wanna know when I’m coming back to Texas. Uh, is that your question?

VOICE: So how long are you going to be back from Texas?

GARY: How long am I going to be back from Texas…

VOICE (interrupts): You’re being impersonated by the other voice.

GARY (talking overtop): …that question doesn’t even make any sense.

GARY: Okay. I’ll be coming back eventually. Um…I can’t tell you when. You should know that question—the answer to the question because you seem to know more about me than I do. You know what I’m saying?

DAD: Are you a…intergalactic…uh…person?

GARY: Are you a space alien?

DAD: Sounds like he hung up.

GARY: I can’t believe this.

DAD: It’s—he hung up Gary.

GARY: See if he comes back.

DAD: Alright, I’ll hang up.

(Dial tone.)

GARY: Jesus Christ. Oh my God man. I’m calling Mike back.

(Two beeps on the dial pad.)

Gary suspected that his younger brother, Steven, was simply playing a prank on him. Steven was never considered a prankster, but this seemed like it could be the only explanation for the oddity that was taking place. 

Only a few minutes later, the phone rang again. 

RECORDING OF CALL #2

GARY: What is your question?

(Unidentified beep)

GARY: Yes, uh speaking.

VOICE: Is this Gary Sudbrink?

GARY: Yes.

GARY: Could I answer any questions for you?

VOICE: Are you back from Texas–ss?

GARY: I’m not back yet. No.

VOICE: How long are you going to be back from Texas?

GARY: Let me answer…first you tell me—where are you calling from?

VOICE: Is this Gary Sudbrink?

GARY: Yeah. Why don’t you tell me where you’re calling from?

VOICE: Who is this?

GARY: What do you mean who is this? You should know who it is. It’s me, Gary.

GARY: Uhhh… Wait, let me…let me ask you this question. Where are you calling from?

GARY: Okay, I’ll be back—

VOICE (interrupts): Keep an eye on the skies.

GARY: Excuse me?

VOICE: Near Orion.

GARY: I can’t hear too well.

VOICE: The full moon.

GARY: Yeah there’s a full moon out, that’s true.

(Sound of someone hanging up on the other line.)

GARY: Could you identify yourself?

GARY: Identify yourself.

DAD: Ask him what’s the purpose of the call.

GARY: Why are you calling me?

VOICE (interrupts): Keep an eye on the skies.

GARY: Excuse me?

VOICE: Near Orion.

GARY: I cannot hear too well.

DAD: Get on the other phone, it’s better.

GARY: Hold on, let me switch phones.

(Sound of other phone being picked up.)

GARY: Okay. Okay hold on. Now who are you?

VOICE: Keep an eye on the skies.

GARY: Keep an eye on the sky he said.

DAD: Keep an eye on the sky?

GARY: Yeah.

VOICE: Orion.

DAD: Ask him can I talk to him–

GARY: …shhh…shhh…

DAD: I had a sighting already–

GARY: …okay, hold on. Say that…repeat that again?

GARY: Please repeat?

VOICE: Keep an eye on the skies.

GARY: Okay.

VOICE: Near Orion.

GARY: Near Orion.

DAD: Holy Mackerel. Tonight or this a when—

VOICE (interrupts): The full moon.

GARY: The full moon.

DAD (in background): They talk…they hung up…

VOICE: Show double of you.

DAD (in background): Keep an eye on the sky near Orion…

GARY: Repeat?

DAD: Tell him I’d like to talk to him.

GARY: Okay…repeat…repeat last word?

(Static on the telephone line.)

GARY: I’m hearing static.

DAD: Tell him I’d like to talk to him.

(Sound of caller disconnecting.)

GARY: He hung up.

DAD: He hung up?

GARY: Hello?

It is understood that Gary’s father is a UFO-believer, and he talks of a UFO-sighting he once had with Gary’s uncle. 

Later that same night, a 3rd phone call came in. 

RECORDING OF CALL #3

GARY: Okay. Yeah, it’s taking time for him to talk. Who is this?

(Sound of someone picking up the other line.)

GARY: Steven, I’m gonna—this is not funny you know.

VOICE (barely audible): Who is this?

DAD: Brian, it’s not Steven.

GARY: What do you mean Brian?

DAD: I mean, uh…Gary.

GARY: How do I know it’s not Steven?

DAD: It’s not Steven.

DAD: Hello? I had a, uh…UFO experience in West Virginia, which you probably know. And I know that you’re inter…uh…an intergalactic person.

VOICE (unintelligible)

DAD: Can you speak a little louder? Sir? Can you speak a little louder?

VOICE: (unintelligible)

DAD: Louder?

GARY: Let me speak to him, Dad. I guess, I don’t know…

DAD: Okay I’ll hang up so you can talk to him. He wants to talk to you.

GARY: Okay.

(Sound of the other line hanging up.)

GARY: Hello? Can I help you?

VOICE (louder than before): Hello?

GARY: Yes.

VOICE: Is Gary Sudbrink there?

GARY: Yes, that’s me.

VOICE (fainter again): Here is Gary Sudbrink.

GARY: Yes, could you please identify yourself?

GARY: Identify—

VOICE (faint, interrupts): Are you back from Texas–ss?

GARY: Yeah I’m back. I’m in Texas right now.

(Sound of Gary’s dad in the background.)

GARY: Well, he asked me a question.

VOICE: (unintelligible, possibly “How are long are you?”)

GARY: No I’m in New York right now. You know that. Why are you asking me such a question?

DAD (in background): …Assuming he’s going to call back three times in a row, what are you going to do?

VOICE: Is this Gary Sudbrink?

GARY: Yes. Steven if this is you, I’m…I swear to God I’m gonna be pissed.

(Sound of Gary’s dad in the background.)

VOICE: Who is this?

GARY: Huh?

(Static on the line.)

DAD (in background): It’s not Steven.

GARY: I’m trying to listen to him. Who are…excuse me?

DAD (in background): You keep playing games with Steven and it’s not Steven—

MOM (in background): Well, shut the hell up.

(Intense static on the line.)

GARY: Okay. Eventually I’ll be back from Texas. Could you speak more? Please speak more.

(Intense static on the line.)

VOICE (barely audible): …eye on the skies…

GARY: I guess it’s not Steven. I believe it because I’m getting static.

DAD: Steven would not leave three times.

GARY: Let…let me go on this phone because I could never hear on this phone. Hold on.

(Sound of the other telephone line picked up, followed by a quick beep.)

GARY: Okay. Okay, please speak. Hello?

VOICE (louder than before, but still soft): Keep an eye on the skies.

(Sound of writing or scratching, followed by another quick beep.)

GARY: Okay, should I go out right now?

VOICE (interrupts): Orion.

GARY: Right now?

VOICE: The full moon.

GARY: Okay, see…I’m not sure where Orion is now, but we’ll go outside.

VOICE: Show double from you.

GARY: It will show double from me?

(Static on the line.)

GARY: Repeat that again?

(Static on the line.)

(Caller hangs up.)

(Gary hangs up.)

Gary and his family were beginning to get uneasy at this point. Gary told his father of a strange occurrence that had taken place at the airport on his trip back home. A man apparently had approached Gary with a clipboard and asked him questions in a fast, but friendly, tone. What was his name, did he live in Texas, where was he going? Gary brushed the man off and assumed he was just taking a survey. However, when he boarded the plane, a different man sat beside him and bombarded Gary with the same questions as the other man. Before Gary could get a word in, a flight attendant approached the man and told him he was in the wrong seat.

Gary did not see either of these men when departing the plane. 

 The next day, a fourth and final call came in.

RECORDING OF CALL #4

VOICE (with more reverb and echo): Is Gary Sudbrink there?

GARY: Yes, this is me. Can I speak to…can I ask why—

VOICE: Is Gary Sudbrink there?

GARY: Yes, can I ask why you’re calling?

(Static on the line.)

GARY: Can I please ask—

VOICE: Is this Gary Sudbrink?

GARY: Yes, this is.

VOICE: Gary Sudbrink.

GARY: Yes, that is me.

(Static on the line.)

VOICE: We come. To be within this planet

GARY: Say that again?

VOICE: In this planet.

GARY: Leave?

(Unknown sounds.)

VOICE: We come.

GARY: I’m standing right here.

VOICE: To be within this planet.

GARY: Is this a joke or what?

(A whirring sound on the line.)

VOICE: To visit the many. To be contacted. As the same. With you.

(Sound of door being shut in the background.)

GARY: Umm…

(Static and whirring sound on the line.)

GARY: I have to think about that. I’d like to see you—

VOICE (interrupts): To visit the many. To be contacted. As the same. With you.

UNCLE: Hey, let me tell you something. I’ve been listening to you. And I’ve had contacts with you.

VOICE: Beware. Government interference.

GARY: Government interference?

(Static on the line.)

VOICE (faint): You—

GARY: You have? Please explain what type of interference.

(Whirring sound on the line.)

VOICE: Beware.

GARY: Okay.

VOICE: Government interference. Visitations to be disrupted by them.

(Strange unidentified sound on the line.)

VOICE: (…unintelligible, faint…) …appears. The sun will rise on…dark side of moon. World. Know.

UNCLE: The sun will rise…

VOICE: (…unintelligible…)

UNCLE: ..on the dark side of the moon?

GARY: Okay, umm…

VOICE (very low…unintelligible…maybe “on the moon”)

GARY: What branch of the government?

(Intense static on the line.)

VOICE (very low): Show double from you.

(Intense static on the line.)

GARY: What uhh…what should I do?

(Intense static on the line.)

VOICE: Beware. Government interference. Visitations to be disrupted by them.

GARY: Okay. Is that good for me or bad?

(Caller disconnects the call.)

GARY: They hung up.

Dad (in background): So, did you get…?

UNCLE: Yes. Uh.

This was the last time they heard from the unknown caller. Since this event took place, nobody has ever admitted to making the phone calls or knows of the origin. 

Who called Gary Sudbrink, and why?

--

[pearlescnnt-blog]

splatoon 2 stages ranked on how good a place they would be to take your s/o to

kelp dome: i mean if your lover likes plants okay 6/10

makomart: 10/10. grocery shopping is great.

albacore hotel: the pool looks fun, 7/10

the reef: the reef is a great place and it looks amazing, 9/10

wahoo world: 10/10 do i need to say more

inkblot art academy: 6/10, looks nice ig

walleye warehouse: no

arowana mall: another shopping center? 8/10

starfish mainstage: if theres a concert, hell yeah

manta maria: 9.75/10... op likes ships

snapper canal: its a boring map 3/10

blackbelly skatepark: 7/10 id hurt myself there

piranha pit: 5/10. i have mixed feelings on this stage.

port mackerel: 2/10. bad stage

skipper pavillion: 10/10. at night? 1000/10. i love this Aesthetic...

[shadowreaper2814-blog]

Yo what's up guys it's Shadow Reaper and it would seem I have forgotten to tell you guys what does block was gonna do about so I'm sorry. Well seeing as Sun City is a inland beach I don't know if that's the right word but that's what I'm gonna call it..I'm gonna blog about the bitch in this one so let's get to it.

Picture this, it's summer it's hot and your tanning on the beach. Eating yummy ice-cream and slush puppies oh and don't forget the iconic candy floss. Beautiful white shores as far as the eye can see. WRONG! If you live in South Africa anyway, because chances are your parents probably drag you off to Durban beach. And let me tell you something that is the one place you don't want to be during December vacation. There is no such thing as white sandy beaches as far as the eye can see. Only a sea of people and sand filled with nasty band at tissues. Don't even think about a nice dip in the sea because there will probably not be enough room. Look I'm not dissing the sea vacation because I love the ocean as much as the next girl. But I refused to go to Durban beach during December or actually any major holiday, because it's too crowded. Don't get me wrong I'm not a snob I just a very claustrophobic person, and as far as I know cluster phobia and water does not go well together. It's kind of funny of how I've been talking about summer at the beach, considering I haven't been on the beach during summer in years. My family usually go to the beach during winter which is kind of ironic cold and swimming doesn't really go well together. But that's where you're wrong if you go to the right beach during winter it's amazing! That amazing beach my family takes me too when we're going on our sea vacations during winter is in Mozambique. Yeah you read that right I said Mozambique. Now you might be asking yourself aren't you guys running the risk of Malaria and many weird ass diseases. Malaria probably yes but there is such a thing as mosquito repellent people. And you just monitor yourself when you get back to make sure you don't get malaria it's as easy as that. But in any way back on topic.

Ah yes Mozambique, unlike many South Africans me and my family usually go there during this June school holidays. Which means we go there during winter. So when 2 in Mozambique is the equivalent of Summer in South Africa in my opinion and anyway. Vs the people that go there during December vacation will "die" of heat exhaustion. I remember someone telling me this thing I don't know if it's true but if it is done I kind of think it's Hella hot Mozambique during December. Ok so that person told me that the Mozambican people come to South Africa during summer to get away from the heat. Once again I don't know if that's true but if it is done hell I don't wanna go to Mozambique during December. I don't do so good with the heat. So go and during winter is actually to me the perfect time to go because the weather is nice it's not too hard so you don't wanna stay indoors all the time.

My family and I used to go to the specific place in Mozambique called Tofo, and we use to stay at this amazing place called Turtle Cove which is just one of the most awesome resorts/camping grounds I've been to. Sadly now we go to a different place that's just as amazing it's called Morrungulo. But it's amazing Nonetheless and I will post a few pictures of me doodling and picking up shells on the beach. And unlike Durban beach this place doesn't have a sea of people, it just has the natural ocean. Ok so there may not be ice cream, slush puppies or candy floss available in Mozambique, I guess that's ok considering you get this amazing natural bitch with no people on it so it's a good trade-off.

Don't even get me started on the fresh fish. During my most recent visit to Mozambique my family and I were camping and there's some coconut trees which is quite dangerous. But hey what is life without a bit of danger? So every morning this guy would come to the camping grounds and ask us if we would like some fish. And depending on your answer he would bring you what you needed. Let me just tell you every afternoon he brought us fish that was freshly caught that afternoon, and it was absolutely amazing. So this "fish guy" would clean and cut up the fish for you so you don't even need to trouble yourself with that. And this "fish guy" brought my family and me various types of ocean foods. We ate a lot of Couta which apparently is also known as narrow-barred Spanish mackerel, prawns as well as some yummy calamari which was fresh out of the ocean. I guess this also makes me lucky because my mum's a chef and knows how to cook it just right. Shout out to you Mum you're an amazing chef.

I'm not even gonna get started on the local restaurants because I'm gonna go on for too long about how amazing their cooking is. Let's just say some of the best chicken I've ever eaten. Oh and let's not forget the local cool drink with so much artificial coloring it will make go on a sugar high, higher than the highest sugar high youth ever been on.  and this amazing cool drink is called Sparletta Morango, which is actually strawberries Sparletta. If your adult reading this limit your child to one a day trust me on this. This stuff is putting it getting a sugar High like faster than you can snap your fingers. But that doesn't mean that it isn't good so that your kids have some. Another good one for the adults just add a little bit of local rum to this and it makes the best R&R seal ever have

But hey guys if you ever get the chance go to Mozambique and enjoy yourself but don't be an ass hole. Because it's still a different country respect the laws. Just because you're not in your own country anymore doesn't mean the laws of the other country does not apply to you, because they do!

So my next blog will obviously be about food specifically my favorite food. Ok guys that's all from you for this time.

As always I hope you guys enjoyed.

Until next time and remember, always be yourself unless you can be a Fox, then always be a Fox.

[anime-dub-transcripts]

Hetalia: The World Twinkle Episode #2: Let's Eat Military Rations! Transcript

This episode has military rations.

Italy: Nom! Mmah…

Germany: Hm? Japan, what is that on top of your rice?

Japan: Ah. This is my delicious canned beef.

Italy: What? You’re eating canned beef? I’m eating canned beef too!

Germany: Why are you having to eat that today? I expected more pasta.

Japan: Either way, it’s Italian, so it’s bound to be delicious.

Italy: Uhah?

(Germany, Japan: Oh?)

{Caption: Italy}

Italy: I’m sure they use normal yummy beef for these, but it tastes like the cow flesh was in some weird chemical reaction at the manufacturing factory.

{Caption: ?}

Italy: Ohah, our military canned food tastes like maggots might have been eating it, but not in a good way!

Germany: Italy, would you like some chocolate?

(Italy: Ohuahuahuah…)

Italy: Yeah…nom!

Japan: Would you like delicious canned mackerel?

Italy: Yeah…nom! This is molto bene.

(Molto bene: Very good → Italian)

{Caption: Japan}

Japan: My Yamato-ni beef is delicious too.

{Text on can: Yamato-ni}

Italy: Grazie!

(Grazie!: Thank you! → Italian)

Italy: Ahnom…once upon a time, you weren’t supposed to think your food was tasty or that would be considered a big sin; talk about a living hell!

Japan: What?! Delicious was forbidden?!

{Caption: Culture shock!!}

Japan: But why? Delicious things are wonderful!

{Caption: Live broadcasting}

Italy: That’s what I said!

Demon #1: Wow! They just went old-school reminiscing on us. I remember those days.

{Text on sign: Hell}

Demon #2: Back then, I was completely overflowing with all those people, which forced us to work 24/7. Talk about a living hell, but literal!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

{Text on tin: Japan}

Japan: Mr. Germany, look. I made these based on the biscuits you taught me how to make that one time.

Germany: Really? Mein recipe?

(Mein: Mine → German)

Japan: I tweaked it a little and made it for our military. It’s hardtack; I don’t know if you’ll like it.

Italy: Wowww! I wish I could have seen Germany teaching you how to cook!

Germany: Nein.

(Nein: No → German)

Italy: I wanna try some hardtack!

Japan: All right, but it may taste plain.

Germany: Well, food on the battlefield is usually plain.

Italy: That’s true!

{Text on tube: Vegemite}

Italy: Hey, you can use this stuff. This is called vegemite; Australia dropped it.

{Caption: [Vegemite] Australia’s ultimate weapon food}

Germany: ITALY, YOU CAN EAT ANYTHING BUT THAT! IT WILL BE TOO MUCH FOR YOU TO HANDLE!

(Italy: Ahhhhh…)

Britain: Boing!

Italy: Hardtack is lighter and easy to eat.

Germany: Ja.

(Ja: Yes → German)

Japan: So this is vegemite, huh?

Italy: Yeahhh…

{Caption #1: UK}

{Caption #2: Talk, talk, talk…}

{Caption #3: Spying}

Britain: Mm…what the bollocks do they look so happy for?

Narrator: Since they had to carry their food around with them during the war, both the Allies and Axis Powers tried to develop food whose quality wouldn’t change in harsh environments, such as deserts and the tropics.

{Caption #1: Germany}

{Caption #2: Potatoes}

Germany: We have potatoes, but how to cook them?

{Caption #1: Konpeito candy!!}

Japan: Konpeito…

{Caption #2: Canned salmon!!}

Japan: …salmon…

{Caption #3: Hardtack!!}

Japan: …hardtack!

Italy: Let’s just put everything in a can!

America: Dude, I know we thought this whole canned food might still be good, but so far, everything tastes like we’re licking the wrinkles out of a buffalo’s salty satchel.

Britain: My body rejects it and tears are coming out of my eyes all on their own; probably not our smartest endeavor.

{Caption #1: Nuts left in a desert}

{Caption #2: Canned meat left in the tropics for three years}

{Caption #3: Chocolate left under a blazing sun for five days}

{Caption #4: Bottled food left in a dark place for 40 years}

{Caption #5: Canned food left at room temperature for 60 years}

{Caption: More food to test}

America: We’re almost done, we can do it! The last food is the fruitcake stored in Colonel Taylor’s basement for over 100-ish years!

Britain: ARE YOU TAKING A PISS, AMERICA?! AFTER ALL THE NASTINESS WE PUT IN OUR BODIES, WHY SAVE THE WORST FOR LAST?! I DON’T THINK WE CAN DIGEST FOOD THAT OLD!

America, Britain: Nom!

{Caption #1: Munch, munch}

{Caption #2: Ha ha ha}

{Caption #3: Crunch, crunch}

Britain: Oh! It’s edible.

America: Yep, not bad.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

{Caption #1: Current Field Rations}

{Caption #2: [Germany] Germans have traditionally eaten potatoes on the battlefield since they were Prussia. Even now, potatoes remain a staple}

{Caption #3: [Italy] They eat canned pasta and risotto, and even have machines that can make gelato anywhere}

{Caption #4: [Japan] Their meals are well balanced, with many kinds of canned rice and main dishes like curry, meat, and vegetables}

Italy, Germany, Japan: Hetalia!

America: Our field rations are freaking awesome!

Britain: Granted, we are on the battlefield, but do you think you’ll be okay eating all that?

(America: Nom!)

America: What? This is normal.

{Caption #1: Canned burger}

Britain: There is nothing normal about that amount!

{Caption #2: Chocolate}

{Caption #3: Cola}

{Caption #4: Coffee}

{Caption #5: Gum}

{Caption #6: Canned bread}

{Caption #7: Canned beef}

Britain: Nom! God bless it!

{Caption: Modest}

Voice: Modest!

America: Hm? Em…

{Caption: Unsavory aura}

Britain: To be perfectly honest, I’m getting tired of eating biscuits and oatmeal every bloody day.

America: Britain, bro, wanna try some of mine? Dig in, dude!

Britain: Oh, are you sure about that?

America: Duh!

Britain: Thank you!

America: First, whatcha gonna give me?

Britain: I don’t want it then! Rude!

{Caption: Smirk, smirk}

America: So why don’t you let go?

Italy [talking to the audience]: America won’t do much for you unless he gets something in return!

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{Caption #1: Current Field Rations}

{Caption #2: [England] Their food has improved since WW2, and it tastes good now. But a lot of things such as packaging are done sloppily so it makes you wonder about their food}

{Caption #3: [America] They have popular restaurant food, such as steaks and hamburgers. Also childhood favorites like chocolate and candy. The food made of mushy beans has a flavor that’s hard to describe}

{Caption #4: [Scandinavia] Scandinavian field rations have lots of high-calorie foods! The highest is 7500 calories! If it wasn’t cold and they weren’t active, this would definitely make them fat}

Britain, America, Finland: Hetalia!

Britain: Sluurrrpp!

America: There’s, like, a crap ton of German soldiers around here. We need to be careful.

{Caption: Twinkle, twinkle}

America: The hell, man? Why’re you swillin’ tea like a fairy princess?

Britain: Actually, you ninny, it’s a gentleman’s habit to have tea every day to set time.

{Caption: Pleasant Engy}

Britain: Try a cup and enjoy the moment.

(Voice: Pleasant energy!)

America: I drink coffee, not tea!

Britain: Whether on the battlefield or simply drinking tea at home, having a lovely strong cuppa always makes me feel gentlemanly and oh-so-calm.

Germany: Hm…

Britain: One cannot call themselves an adult until they can appreciate a good tea.

America: So that tea you’re drinking doesn’t have some sort of special escape plan in it, does it?

Italy [talking to the audience]: Classic! Guess what? While enjoying their tea time, they got surrounded by the enemy before they realized it! Yay!