#2: i want to disconnect her from my ex

[aperture-1nc]

character creation so good then boom. you have to actually make a backstory for a character

[plasticfangtastic]

Dairy Girl

A Homelander X F! Reader fanfic

A/N: I am still working on my other projects but I just wanted to write something fun and light to get me back into writing. I hope y'all enjoy this short little piece, btw i aint got no kids so i have very little idea how milk banks work, this will be a 2 or 3 part story.

Synopsis: In order to provide a constant supply of fresh breastmilk for Vought’s number one hero, Vought has had to get quite nifty in order to prevent this secret desire out the press and the public– you have unfortunately discovered the truth.

Tags: Stockholm Syndrome, abusive dynamic, Homelander being Homelander, dub-con, dark, mild smut, breastfeeding kink, kidnapping, child-death mention tw, cheating tw, set in s4 but canon nothing, slow burn.

Word Count: 3K

Part 1– Heifer

Such a small box, smaller than a shoe box, just big enough to fit its contents with enough space for his ghost to move. You stared at the small box as its buried in the family plot… you never thought of visiting this place to ever bury the last shred of happiness you had left, his body was born weak, so small you wonder if you’d given birth to a child or a chick, 2 months ago you had come home to find your now ex in bed with his ex, he had turned this betrayal on its head and blamed you for it, something about your lack of desire lately, about how your pregnancy had given him amounts of pressures he'd never agreed with, talking endlessly about his needs and how much you’d ignored him.

Whoever this man was, you didn’t recognize him.

Time blurred into nothing but disconnected colors and shapes, all you know was that the stress and anguish lead to this.

A box under soil.

Days passed and in your empty apartment, surrounded by all the stuff you bought you stood in front of the sink, throwing a bottle of fresh milk down the drain feeling tremendous guilt, the doctor said you would dry out soon enough but your breast had swollen so much your bras no longer fit– even the spare ones you bought just in case they’ve grown a size too big from what you expected, you booked an appointment with your doctor hoping they could give you whatever cocktail of drugs to dry you out and save you from the pressure and pain in your chest, it had been nothing but a passing message from a worried neighbor who had stop by to give you some mail that had been sent to them by accident when she mentioned her daughter-in-law had donated her excess milk after her little one refused to latch, she gave you the name of the charity and after much thinking you gave in, you lost your baby but there was some woman out there who could end up experiencing your same grief if their baby starved to death, yours simply born too small and weak to hold your finger for very long.

It felt good, you met the women running the charity and even some of the faces of the women you helped, as you delivered your frozen packs to the women’s clinic where the charity operated, it helped you heal, it gave your pain purpose, but as the months faded behind you a part of you worried about how much you keep producing, less than before but still too much, yet you keep going knowing it would end soon enough. 

Perhaps somebody in the clinic or the charity had dropped your information to these people but you'd received some mail regarding some research trials Vought International was running and how they needed some donors to drop fresh samples, in their pamphlet they offered to pay a decent amount--your divorce had been costly plus having to move to a new place and breaking your previous lease had left your bank account quite dry, this was cheap money, you had given your milk for free, you looked at the few pouches you had collected for next week's drop you saw a wonderful opportunity to make some quick cash.

You went to the Vought Clinic and saw a few other women filling up forms, reading old magazines or dilly-dallying on their phones until some nurse called their numbers, you filled the medical form, waited less than half an hour before your number was called, brought into a small bleach scented room, the nurse read your form and told you she would take a blood sample, a doctor came in, reciting whatever script he’d been given about what this project was, giving you big words you had no interest in, this was about providing better milk formulas closer to natural milk than anything currently in the market apparently, thanking you for your donation, he looked at your form smiling as he saw your inked words.

“You're still producing 4 months after…” The doctor handed you a disinfecting wipe and a freshly steamed breast pump in a silver tray– we just need two samples, please press the alarm to let us know you’d finished, then follow Nurse Potts to the front counter to sort out your payment.”

It had been an awkward experience, but there you were 300 dollars richer, you probably should’ve read those papers a bit closer before signing but money was money and you were told to come back if you could.

You did it a couple times for 2 months, much like a man donating sperm for pocket money or plasma to pay the rent.

That was the first mistake, you headed home and woke up the morning after wishing you had stayed out for an extra hour or two, perhaps caved in to your friends pressures and tried going back to dating (after all your ex was whoring himself all across the lower east side without moral qualms) or hookups so you would had gone to a different address, maybe you should had taken a taxi instead of taking the train and walking home.

Regardless you woke in some strange empty room, the only thing beside your person was a pair of pale pink hospital gowns, grippy socks, clean underwear and a pair of thick large towels, you screamed and banged on the door for an ungodly amount of time but nobody ever came, you stayed alone in that room for what could have been 12 hours or more… maybe less… who knew it was all too much, suddenly a sharp sound cut into the silence a note had been slid under the door, you rushed to the note.

It was instructions, they wanted you wearing their clean clothes, you could not leave the room unless you did so, and as much as you hated the idea, you wanted to get out so badly, you knew if you wanted to escape your only chance came in knowing your surroundings, you begrudgingly and tearfully changed, waiting until anything changed– the doors hissed opened, a woman in a sharp cream coloured suit stood there with clipboard and an armed guard, at the sight of the heavy looking gun– you froze.

Then you took the first step towards hell.

You knew the following things: You lived in some basement area– there were no windows, only elevators. You weren’t alone, there were other women here and they made sure to keep your interactions at minimum no doubt to keep all of you submissive and not getting any ideas, sometimes familiar faces will fade and you could only speculate nightmares. Lastly… your purpose, the reason you were trapped here in the first place was… to lactate.

A plucky little thing that stayed optimistic despite your shared horror called herself a ‘Heifer’ she wasn’t wrong… you lived in a small cell where everything had sat on top of each other feed to keep fat and producing milk much like a cow, whoever developed this diet knew of all the ingredients known to help production, and you knew there were putting something else in the food for your breast begun to feel uncomfortable, for a little while you thought you could fight it by starving yourself, then two men with guns came into the room and told you to eat or else.

The time you spend outside this microflat hong-kong style cell was in the milking room and the shower room, you were ordered to stay clean and quiet, at least in the milking room you had some television and could spend time with the other women, but they keep you isolated, you could do very little, sometimes music would play and a book would be dropped with your food but your happiness wasn’t priority, you had to fill a quota.

After a couple weeks of this you simply accepted defeat, too many guns… not enough spaces to run, and nothing to come home to… a man that wanted to sue you for more feeling as if the judge had been unfair, a pestering family who acted as if they had been the only ones who experience loss, an empty cot you still hadn’t gotten rid off and piles and piles of bills, in this quiet cool room you had spend endless hours thinking, you didn’t love your job, you had been distant from most of your friends and you could only imagine that they assumed you had run away or killed yourself after what happened nobody could blame you.

Existing for the sake of existing until you could figure out what to do next.

“Good Evening… I’m glad you’re eating so well” The lady you met the first day said as the door hissed open, she watched you like a hawk as you process this sudden interruption, clutching at your paper thin blanket, you looked at the floral fabric in her arms and the clipboard under her arm– I need you to sign this before you’re allowed upstairs”

“Am I being let out?” You said anxiously, no way it could be that easy you thought.

The lady let her smile waiver, looking at the unseen guard then at her wrist watch as she handed you the clipboard.

“Your performance might determine how soon you'll be release…”

“You assume I won’t go to the police…”

“That wouldn’t be wise Miss L/N but we assure you that you’ll be sufficiently compensated for the inconvenience.”

You wanted to yell, but a voice in the back of your head thought of this but nothing but pageantry, you were dead either way, but perhaps this could be your opportunity to escape, whatever they wanted to do now meant being outside of these buried walls, you signed the sheet without thinking, briefly considered stabbing the bitch in the eye but is likely they would turn you into swiss cheese before you even took a step too close, she took the paperwork from your hands and in change handed you a long sleeved dressed straight out of the mormon section in target, she closed the door and you dressed up.

The halls looked so odd when you didn’t wear your prison clothes, the other few doors housed sleeping and bored girls, your plucky friend hidden behind one of them, the new girl hidden behind one of them and the girl you seen before in the milking room once hid behind one of them.

They took you to an elevator– it was old box, if you had to guess by the button’s design maybe built in the late or mid 70s, you never left their side until the elevator closed before them, the box moved slowly, a dingy silver box with low honey coloured lights, so dim… and you were alone, as the light chime as it went up you felt your entire being sink into your stomach, your heart beating so fast you were sure you were gonna have a heart attack before the doors opened once again, swallowing dry spit, your eyes opened so wide it hurt.

Quiet… it was so quiet when the doors opened, you expected something else, something menacing… something frightening– not an old house, an old house in the middle of some evergreen forest, everything screams old, untouched, museum like, like it's meant to present this idea that somebody lives here but not really, despite it being an elevator hidden behind a bookcase, you take a few cautious steps, your naked feet bury in the plush carpet, there’s bird singing outside and the sun is so bright and warm it hurts your eyes, the cool tones gone and this feels like a bad dream, pinching yourself but you’re awake, tragically awake, a weird wiry smile creeps on your lips, an almost laugh escapes your lips before you can feel tears burning your eyes.

“Hello…?” You ask and you don’t know why.

As you venture into the living room, hands firm against the tacky dark pink wallpaper, you found old floral couches that matched the drapes and despite how old school it was it had a charm to it.

Then you saw him.

Perusing the VHS collection filled the entire bookcase on the wall, just rows and rows of VHS boxes, some plastic and some cardboard, the TV boxy and just as antiquated but who cared— he was there.

You ran before you even realized you done it, crashing into him with desperation, tears staining your cheeks and you could barely breath as you tried so hard to speak.

“Homelander please help me!! I’ve been kidnapped!! Please!!” You cried, pulling on his suit– please!!”

Those endlessly blue eyes more poison dart hide than veronica flower bush the more they stared at you calmly, his lips into a thin smile and his hand thad taken your wrist inflicting just enough force to keep you firmly in his grip… to show you how he wasn’t an ordinary man, he looked at you as your tears changed meaning as if you were the most unfortunate creature he’d ever seen, his lips parted just enough to show those sharp canines that had looked so charming in sidewalk posters, now you could sense their presence squeezing at your jugular.

“You are so much prettier in person, Y/N.” His voice is disturbingly soft and calm, intimately quiet as he takes a whiff of your neck, moving you to make it easier, his free hand creeped towards your hip– I was so glad when I saw your picture and you weren’t hideous.”

Trembling against him, a nonexistent cold draft blew against you, your whole body shivering and covered in goosebumps.

His eyes fixated in your breast, mouth agape as his tongue dared to lick his lip, watching you like a starved man at a las vegas buffet, his hand slithering upwards, you know where this is leading, you can’t stop crying but you can’t scream either, you're just there as his hand avoids your breasts and creeps towards your back and presses your bodies together.

“I’m so glad you signed that sheet, I was getting sad endlessly waiting for one of you to agree to the deal” He says quietly, you stare at him and you realize you should’ve actually read that stupid sheet– why so scared? I ain’t gonna bite.” He bites the air as a joke and you could tell that that single bite could have torn your finger off cleanly.

His eyes shift to your clinging fingers that stayed so stiff against his padded suit, you stopped squeezing at him now they rested limp against him.

“Let’s watch a movie…” 

It’s an awkward dance concluding in sitting down on a couch, its surprisingly soft and you’re sinking on the cushion while your mind dissolved in the sky, the coffee table had a humbled spread of snacks, pizza and milkshakes, not once did you notice, you stared at him clutching at your dress as he picked something out of the shelve, watching as his hand worked the VHS player, the clicks and whirling all you could focus on. He sat beside you as the speakers began to play the included trailers, he took the drink urging you to do the same with a menacing look, filling you with incomplete thoughts as you obeyed.

Malt vanilla marinated in your tongue, you had a terrible thought.

‘Milk’ 

You were there to provide milk… to whom? Why just milk? You thought they would sell your body or your organs, experiment on you but… they wanted your milk, but who was buying it? Who was drinking it? Where did it go? You stared at the pretty blond whose arm kept your shoulders still, you saw the news– you’d known he had a child and who knows with whom but his kid was old enough to not need it… was it for him? You thought… thinking of it as ridiculous until you remember how 20 minutes ago  he was staring at your tits as if he was malnourished, you looked at his lips pursing as he took a long sip of his milkshake and wonder if that was milk… from a cow… not a heifer like you.

Homelander smiled at you.

“I don’t like ‘The mothman prophecy’ , never been a Richard Gere fan” he said casually.

“He was really good in ‘Pretty Woman’ . This one is okay…” You looked at the screen your voice so stiff– what’s going on…? Mr. Homelander… I…"

“Shhh… watch the movie” He leaned against you resting his head on your shoulder– you tasted the best… every batch perfection– such delicate custardy taste… So this is what we are gonna do… I’ll keep you in this floor so you’re not so bored ."

You swear he’s purring as he rubs himself against you marking you as much as he was making himself comfortable.

“There’s cameras everywhere… The glass is bulletproof, doors won’t open without a fob and code, and there’s no phones or internet, but if you do manage to get out of here just be aware I’ll know.” He said such terrible things as if it was nothing– if you tried to off yourself there will be 3 armed guards and nurses here in less than a minute but if you behave I promise you– you’ll be allowed out, but only if you gain my trust.” He looks up at you as you focus on those thin lips of his– there’s no kitchen but your meals will be delivered… if you want anything just tell the camera over there.”

He pointed at the corner tucked in between two VHS tapes was a small camera.

“I like you Y/N you're cute… you’ll behave for me, right?”

You nodded, too afraid to disagree.

“Now… let’s finish the movie… I actually like this part”

You stared at the pizza box, you could at least tell that the pizza was from an american restaurant, which made you feel safe ‘Select Pizza and Grill” said in the box and you knew you were somewhere in Pennsylvania, far from your apartment in Clinton Hill.

You looked at your boobs feeling his piercing gaze on them, you started drawing lines connecting weird things together, back when you were donating your milk, girls joked about people buying for medicinal and fetish purposes, this spelled itself out for you.

Maybe you could get out of here… but you had to do something weird… but as you heard the birds outside and the warm light peeked into the room, you realized maybe you could leave… no you’ll leave, you’ll go back home and you would find a way to ruin this man and those bastards beneath you, you’ll get them out too, so you took one courageous breath and forced a smile on your dried lips.

“You really liked it?”

“Huh?”

“My milk…” You mumbled– you know I never tasted it myself but am glad to get a review.”

“It’s really tasty” he bites his lip.

Your hand plays with one of the buttons on the dress.

“It hurts a bit… I usually get asked to pump around this time… dunno if you know this but it's a bit painful when they get this swollen.”

The look in his eyes told you everything you needed to know and as you leaned away from him pulling on buttons with slightly trembling fingers, you watched him follow your movements like a snake chasing prey.

“Would you help me out, mister superhero?” Is not flirty but is slightly playful and you’re surprised that you can lie that well, he’s so shameless as he shakes his head enthusiastically, mouth opening for you– please don’t bite.”

He gasps as you let him see all that he’d wanted from the get go, why he put you in that box, why you ended up in this place for.

His body was lighter than you thought as he sunk against you-- eyes closed, body limp against yours, he made the softest sounds it put you at ease somehow, for a moment you saw a very small being latched on your chest, you’d only experienced it once before, and it was seared into your mind as a painful yet tender memory, so you close your eyes dreaming of a fantasy far removed from this peculiar reality, half lid eyes found a man so blissed out your lips curved, this was unbelievable, the world most famous supe keeping you hostage just so you could indulged him.

But you knew now… that this was your way out.

[ennn]

Guys, Agatha and Rio fighting because of Billy is OKAY

Because it’s not really about Billy. It’s about them. Billy’s just the immediate problem, the catalyst for a fight that’s been brewing since the first episode.

Now I know there’s been more focus on Billy lately, the same way Wandavision at times focused on Monica and her hero origin story – but Billy's story is here because of what it tells us about Agatha – who's projecting hard on the boy (see my other meta post on their relationship).

And this development isn't a twist. The situation between two has always been tense (in ways good and bad). And it looks like these two messy bitches are basically making their relationship problems everyone’s problem.

Let’s look at what the text’s been telling us, shall we?

GIF credit to michaun

There’s animosity between Agatha and Rio that’s unresolved

As sexy their fight in episode one was (and boy was it), there’s certainly anger and resentment between the two, or at least the easily combustible grounds for it. Now we have an idea of why Agatha is mad at Rio (Nicky) although we're less clear about what Agatha did to piss Rio off: was it just Agatha running away or was it something specific she did?

Regardless I don't think Rio is kidding when making threats of bodily harm.

GIF credit: sersi

And neither does Agatha. But she knows all too well how quickly Rio caves to her pouty flirting (and let’s be honest Rio knows too), and basically manages to get a reprieve from her exe’s retribution in episode 1.

GIF credit: marril96

The agreement: They’ll continue fighting it out once Agatha gets her powers back.

We know this is a serious threat on the backburner because you can hear Agatha muttering about how "she's unstoppable" at the start of episode 2 while planning to flee.

More obviously, Agatha touches on it again in episode 4, asking for Rio to hold off on her violence until she finishes the Road, and they can hang out like old times: “Maybe the Road is like Switzerland…”

GIF credit daisjohnson

I absolutely get how it can be confusing because these two clearly still care for each other and are still attracted to each other, with lots of yearning looks across episode 4 and 5. As Schaeffer puts it, the muscle memory of that love is still there, feelings are still there. They were in love and there is still love between them.

But they never worked through what tore them apart in the first place.

And you can see this when Rio gently and firmly reminds Agatha that Billy isn't her son – that Nicky is really gone, and Rio still did the thing that Agatha hates her for.

Agatha closes herself off and runs, and Rio feels her scar tear open again.

Notably, Rio isn't sorry for doing her job. Her heartfelt confession – possibly the most emotionally vulnerable she can be – isn't an apology. She didn't want to hurt Agatha, but she couldn't do what Agatha wanted either. There's a disconnect there.

Chaotic vs Lawful: Billy is basically the new Nicky

Now we know Nicky was the reason they first separated. And it’s still a theory but I think there's a good chance of Rio wanting Billy dead because he probably should be. Billy Maximoff, born from The Hex, "broke the rules" to survive and some piece of Billy Kaplan still lives on despite a fatal car crash.

And that's partly why Agatha is hardcore-projecting on Billy, Agatha "I did not break the rules, they simply bent to my power" Harkness has always been a rule-breaker. That's what started her path to become the infamous witch-killer.

Not to mention Agatha is a shameless survivor. She'll certainly cheat or take shortcuts if she can get away with it. See episode 3:

GIF credit: daisjohnsons

Rio, by contrast, follows certain rules – which Agatha taunts her for — "You can't kill me, it's not allowed" – and she has a job she has to do, even if she doesn't want to. There’s a clash here of value systems as well.

To be fair, at this point Rio's motivations aren't entirely clear. It's possible Rio just wants more dead witches, or she gets impatient and angry and decides to go at that emotional vulnerability as a way of hurting her (“You’re vulnerable.” “Only physically.”)

Either way, Rio taking away a boy that Agatha now considers hers (even if only with a massive amount of projecting) after Agatha’s freshly reliving and processing the absolute devastation of Nicky's death. That is sure to bring things to an open conflict.

And these two (in their own way) are so dramatic.

Change and Growth

There are other factors as well, in terms of Agatha’s character arc and journey, which I’ve talked about in my other meta post on these two being star-crossed lovers.

It's a tragic, complicated story with these two. It’s about them, it’s about more than them.

[dreamauri]

hii!! i love your writing and i have an idea. toto wolff’s daughter used to date max but they broke up (bc yk mercedes and redbull rivalry) and she starts dating a footballer (it can be anyone that you want but i was thinking mason mount), but out of nowhere they break up and he shares in a podcast idk that shes still in love with her ex, max. id love to see how this would end 🫶🏻

┊𝗕𝗟𝗔𝗖𝗞 𝗢𝗨𝗧 𝗗𝗔𝗬𝗦 ┇︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦˚₊   ┇ . 🌿 :: pairing — ( max verstappen x fem! wolff! reader ) ┇ . 🫧 :: ⁠genre — ( angst )  ┇ . 🌿 :: ⁠word count — ( 2, 104 )  ╰ 🫧  :: ⁠ content warning — ( X )

★ ☆ This was from like august, im so sorry its so late. ik the annon said anson mount, but i dont really know his personality that well, so you can just imagine any person you want ig ━━━━━

( main master list | more of max verstappen ) ( requests )

2021

Everything was so blurry. You could see the illumination coming from your phone, little blurry grey and blue texts. You couldn't feel your body, ragged, unsteady breaths falling to and from your lungs.

"Block him. And delete his number. I don't want you to go out with him or be seen with him ever again." Your father's strong voice was the only sound in the room. You looked up at him with pleading eyes, but he wouldn't even look at you, rubbing his eyes as he sat on the bed of your hotel room.

Too many things were happening at once. This wasn't fair. This was wrong. "Aber papa." [but dad] "My words are final, Y/N." He spoke with such authority and strictness, you hated it when he was like that with you. Looking back down at you phone, you saw the 'seen' under the last bubble of text you sent.

Panic shot through you like a sharp arrow, hurt climbing through you. Scrambling quickly, you block the number and delete the contact. You couldn't bare to see the reaction or the reply. And you stood like that for a few minutes, the world falling apart as Toto talked. But you weren't listening. And you didn't want to listen. You didn't want to hear his voice.

And before you were to even realize it, you'd smashed the phone against the wall.

You tore the Mercedes shirt off your body, replaced it with a random sweater, stomping around the room, collecting your things. "What are you doing?" Toto stood up, watching you stuff you belongings in your bag. He held your wrist to stop you but you only yanked your arm back, shouting something at him, anything at him.

Toto was defiantly taken aback. He's never seen his little girl like this. Eyes red with tears, yet so angry. He never even thought he'd hear such hurtful words from you either. No father ever wants to hear 'i hate you' from their daughter, and it hurt right in his chest. You shoved the Mercedes shirt in chest, zipping up your bag and headed straight for the door.

"My love—" "Ich bin keine tochter von dir." [I'm no daughter of yours] Was the last thing he heard from you before the door was slammed shut.

★ ☆ ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

2023

The Las Vegas GP had truly ruined the city. Max couldn't even have a nice drive from his hotel to the circuit in peace. The traffic was heavy and the honking was loud. At this point if max could, he'd just dump the car in any corner and walk the few kilometres himself. But he couldn't. And this added another reason as to why he hated this Grand Prix so much.

Try something else, he told himself. Disconnect. Max turned on the radio flipping through the channels every two seconds when his ear caught something. His stomach was flipped upside down and he was pretty sure he felt like his lungs would explode.

"You broke up with Y/N L/N recently." "Yeah, I have." "But she was such a nice girl." "She is. She really is. She wasn't clingy or needy. Like the perfect amount." "And beautiful as well." "Very beautiful, if you get what i mean." The men on the podcast laughed. Max felt him self frown. How dare they talk about you like this was some sort of goldy locks story.

"Yeah, She's perfect and all. But she's really hung up on her ex. You didn't even have to ask her, you could just look at her and tell that she wanted something else. I'm not going to say names, but the guy really fucked her up."

fucked her up? Max felt his heart skip a beat, or even more likely, it stopped beating at all. He turned the radio off quickly, gripping the steering wheel till his knuckles bled white. Of course he had fucked you up, no wonder things went the way they did. They shouldn't have went that way. He should've never gotten his rival team's boss' daughter to fall for him.

No! What was Max thinking? The months he spent with you were the best things that have ever happened to him. It wasn't his fault. How would he know the Mercedes and Red Bull relationship would grow so bitter. How would he knew you'd be caught in the cross fire. He spends one winter break with you and then it all rips to shreds.

Was that why you changed your Last name? So he wouldn't find you? Must've been since it did work in your favour.

Y/N L/N.

★ ☆ ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Y/N L/N, Max thought as he typed the name into google. Your face was the first thing to pop up and Max had to hold down a gulp.

You definitely grew up. The playful and bubbly aura to the girl had almost completely dissipated, leaving a quiet and mature woman who looked very serious and uninterested, with a defiantly much more womanly body, enough to get you on the cover of vogue.

"You okay, mate?" Max looked up seeing Checo. They were gonna do the opening ceremony at any moment and the world champion did not look like he was in his head. Max quickly swiped off the tab and shrugged. "Nothing, just some drama." The blond waved it off, tucking the phone in his pocket.

The teams were being announced, starting with HAAS all the way up in the constructor ranking. "I never took you for a person to be interested in drama and stuff." Well, Checo was correct: Max wasn't into that kind of thing. He just happened to stalk his ex by accident since he couldn't get the thought of her out of his head.

★ ☆ ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

"You lied to me." You huffed, stuffing your hands in your pockets, refusing to take a step further. "I didn't lie to you, technically. I just didn't tell you." Your friend shrugged, hooking her arm with yours and forcefully pulling you along while you tried to resist. "I don't want to be here, you tricked me." "I did."

It was certainly a sight. Lady gaga dragging Y/N L/N at the paddock of the Las Vegas GP. "The cars dont bite, N/N." "Yeah! That's because I'll be the one biting you!" The woman quickly let go of you at the threat. You went to walk out only to find people looking at you with exited and confused eyes. The exit was now too far.

With a dissatisfied sigh, you held out your hand and Lady Gaga took it, continuing to pull you along. "Today's just the race. So we'll watch. We'll wave the flag and then we'll leave." "I'm not waving the flag." "I'll do it."

You folded your arms, watching from the bottom of the grid on the side as the drivers arrived on the grid. The cars were lined up with car #16 and #1 on the top row, thankfully far away from you. Thankfully, the Mercedes were also far enough as well. You definitely wouldn't stand out in some non-flashy hoodie and shorts. You would've dressed better if you knew you were going to end up being forced into this.

People didn't really notice you at all, more concentrated on the drivers and celebrities. But they soon did notice you, a celebrity being pointed at by a driver. 'No way' Danny ric mouthed, face bright with surprise, a wide smile and arched eyebrows. He waved you over, and waved even harder when you shook your head in decline. You didn't want to appear rude. So you stood to his side, side hugging him as he rambled on about how much you missed. And you listened. You couldn't hate danny. he was like a big brother since f1 was practically your life.

"You should've told me you were coming, ya know." "I didn't even know I was coming." You chuckled, looking around.

FUCK! you looked away quickly, cutting the eye contact with Max short. Bad idea. Very bad idea. You thought, heart hammering in your chest.

"He still loves you." "Huh?" You looked up at Daniel confused. "Max." "no no." you shook your head. "He does." "he doesn't." "He was searching you up." You paused. "I saw it, your name on google." "That's called stalking—" "But he still thinks of you." "good point . . ." "You should think about it, considering how things ended. I think you should at least be on the same page." ". . . thank you danny."

★ ☆ ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

"Oh shit." You looked at gaga confused. "Hold this for a second, something's in my eye." She handed you the chequered flag, more like shoved it into your chest while she went to fix her eyelash.

"A little faster." Your hurried, hearing the cars come around turn 17. But gaga took a step back continuing to try and fix her issue. With a huff, you stepped forward, leaning your body on the railing, waving the flag just in time for Max who crossed first.

When all the cars finished the last lap you finally took a step back, flexing your wrist tiredly from doing all these Xs. You turned to see Gaga smiling at you, her eyelashes long forgotten because there wasn't an issue all along.

"You suck." You grumbled, and she laughed taking the flag from you. And just like that, finally you were able to get out of there. The crowds were too busy watching the podium ceremony to see you exit and leave through the parking lot.

You plopped in your car, turning on the engine. You couldn't bring yourself to drive out though. The excuse would be that the engine was still not warm enough. But really, you didn't want to leave behind those blue eyes again. they deserve an explanation for what they read that night two and a half years ago. But it's not like max would know you're waiting for him, or find you if that's the case. How would he know you're waiting for him in your car?

Well however he knew, he knew. The passenger door was opened and the Dutch man sat in the seat next you. You didn't even realize he had been looking for you throughout the whole parking lot, hoping to see you again. You've been looking down at your hands for goodness knows how long. You only looked up one you heard him cup his hands together and blow into them.

You cleared your throat, turning the seat warmer on for him. He must've gotten used to the warm Monaco weather for a cold city like this. The two of you sat in silence for a couple minutes. You didn't dare to look back at him, because you knew he was looking at you. And if you looked at him, who knows what would happen next because for sure you're still fucking dying to kiss him.

"Max, I'm sorry." / "Y/N, I'm sorry."

The two of you froze, looking at each other. "You go first." Max nodded.

You took in a deep breath, trying to collect your thoughts. "I didn't mean to end things that way." and i didn't want it to end, you wanted to add but opted to leave that out. "Torger barged in my room and told me to end it right then and there. I didn't really have a say in anything." You sighed deeply, scratching the back of your neck. A moment of silence dawned in the car until Max spoke again.

"That explains the spelling mistakes." he chuckled lightly, opening his phone and scrolling through until he found your message chat. You could see the 'ts pver' and 'domt tezt or tqlj to me wver afqin' messages at the bottom. an un received message holding the words 'wait what?' 'baby whats going on' you never saw these messages, you'd blocked him by then.

"We should've talked." You admitted. "In person- discussed things. This wasn't fair to you . . . I really am sorry. I should've never let someone take control of me like that. I ended up hurting you."

". . . I always thought you hated me." You sprung up eyes wide as you turned to him. "No no. Never." You shook your head. You weren't even over him. "I don't hate you, I never did, Max. You're too amazing and important to me for that." You didn't even realize the words coming out of your mouth.

The words that led the blond to cup the back of your neck and pull you into a kiss. A kiss he'd been waiting almost 3 years for.

[wingzie]

The Life of a Jikooker, Online and Offline

Sometime last year I revealed my real first name on Twitter. Though I am known more prominently as “Wingzie”, a name given to me by a good friend of mine, I wanted to add a bit more of a human touch to my account. It was a reminder that, even if I spend a rather large amount of time making posts, I also have a life away from the screen. There's been a few occasions when my army life and personal life have become interlinked.

I am lucky enough to have made wonderful friends since becoming Army. Thus, I will always say that your fandom experience and enjoyment will depend on who you interact with and what you engage with. It's because of these friends that I have been to South Korea or gone to Olle in London for BTS’ tenth anniversary. I've explored new local places or exchanged gifts. It's also because of these friends that I felt safe enough to talk about Jikook in my first ever group chat in 2019. I feel a certain love and connection between us, online and offline, that I don't think many others will understand. 

However, there is a certain loneliness in being a jikooker. I have been unfairly judged or dismissed just for talking about them. Either individually or as a unit. It calls into question why this is. I personally do not see myself as a shipper. The definition of a shipper is that you WANT them to be together and that is not the case with me or many other jikookers at all. The definition of shipping has changed so much that we are seen as bad people just for talking about them, when we are just talking about their moments together.

In the last few months or so I have experienced more of an Army life outside of Twitter. I have been to various offline events and spoken to so many and I couldn’t help but notice two things: 1) Jikookers have a terrible reputation

2) People are scared to talk about them as a unit compared to others. The first part can be somewhat understandable and it’s why I never bother fighting. It brings negative attention to them, when we should be boosting them instead. All they see are people just attacking each other and it is sadly true that a small number of Jikookers are Tae antis. I have left a few group chats because of that or because of ex-jikookers hating on Jimin or Jungkook. However, there are also a huge number of us that DON'T behave this way and it depends on what you focus on.

At a previous event I bumped into a local Tae bias. She clearly knew who I was and was under the impression that I hated Tae. I soon proved her wrong but I guess this is where some of the problems lie: There are a lot of focus on stereotypes, without giving us the chance to prove otherwise. I have also been to events where Army have cited misinformation and they needed to be corrected. I am aware that not everyone has my memory, but they were so callous about their comments that I was shocked. There was a huge disconnect between reality and what they were thinking and it is so important to check sources. Especially when BTS' history and ours is so rich and can be easily accessible in this social media age. 

Being scared to talk about Jikook is something that will always confuse me. I joined a BTS Discord and left shortly afterwards when I realized that they had a channel for every until apart from Jikook. I also went to an event shortly after the “You can handle it” Weverse Live and the group I was with mentioned every single part of that Live, apart from when Jimin was in the comments. They also said some things about Jungkook that made me feel really uncomfortable and they ignored what I was trying to say. They saw him as a puppet, for their own desires, rather than his own person. And I think that is also something I have seen on the increase lately. It should be allowed and in fact encouraged to talk about them as a unit without being shamed for mentioning them together. Ignoring them doesn't help either.

I am Jimin and Jungkook biased, but the definition of having a bias itself has also changed. You cannot say you have a bias now without automatically saying “but I love all of them”, when that should go without saying. I have seen this change since Mots:7 and it emphasises how much the fandom definitions have changed and how it has also shaped our communities. I have been to other events where I am sadly seen as an anti, once they find out my Twitter ID. My account includes all members, I just happen to post about Jikook and their moments most of all and there is nothing wrong with that. Ultimately, I wrote this without any clear message or goal in sight. I just wanted to express what I have experienced and my feelings about it. I will always cherish the memories I have with those that are closest to me and our beautiful conversations about BTS or Jikook. I just wish others did the same and understood what this community is actually about, online and offiline. My account will always be a safe place for all the members and I refuse to be villainized for talking about Jikook at the same time.  Much Love Wingzie/Becca

[williamswifey]

PLS A PART TWO TO THE BELLA YOU JUST POSTED. IT IS SO GORGEOUS. OH MY GOD

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐒 𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐈𝐓 𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐒 - 𝐁𝐄𝐋𝐋𝐀 𝐑𝐀𝐌𝐒𝐄𝐘

part one ; the exit

masterlist

pairing ; bella ramsey x fem!reader

summary ; your ex bella had texted you after months of no contact. you knew what you were getting yourself back into as soon as you replied.

content warnings ; slightly toxic dynamic, angst with a happy ending, bella is still sort of an asshole but working on it

a/n ; hi lovelies <3 im absolutely honored at how much love part one got, i knew i had to get a part 2 up asap 😩 i hope this ending is satisfactory !!

‘hey.’

your face paled as you read the text on your screen. was this some kind of joke? was your phone company fucking with you?

your heart rate soared as you looked at the words on the screen. should you respond? should you leave them waiting? you didn’t know how to react, and your palms were growing sweaty as you felt your chest tighten.

“what’s wrong?” heather’s voice rang out cautiously, “you’ve got this…look on your face.”

“bella just texted me.” you replied, voice void of emotion.

“oh, shit.” came her softened reply.

oh shit was right.

you spent the entire afternoon staring at the text. you were tempted to reply immediately, but you didn’t want to seem desperate.

you were barely able to get any work done, you were thankful that it had been a slow day with barely any customers. you didn’t have it in you too deal with anyone else today, as you stressed and stressed over the text message.

a part of you—the smarter part, knew the best idea would be to not reply at all. you didn’t like that idea very much.

you took a deep breath, and opening the text.

‘hi :)’ you typed out, before deleting. too flirty, not enough anger.

‘what the fuck do you want?’ you typed out seconds later, before deleting the text entirely. definitely don’t send that.

‘hey.’ you message parroted theirs, but you deleted it again. what if it was too boring and they didn’t reply?

‘who’s this?’ you wanted to send out of spite.

you weren’t above being petty, but that just felt plain mean.

a part of you wanted to call them, to hear their voice again. your missed the sound of their voice, even if you only heard it for a few seconds before your call disconnected.

that idea was the worst of all.

you sighed as you flopped against your sheets, a deep sigh rumbling out from your chest.

anxieties began to rush in your mind. what if bella texted the wrong person? what if they were drunk? what if it was a prank?

you stilled your shaking hands, sending a simply ‘hi.’ as you threw your phone across the room.

you didn’t expect your phone to buzz seconds later, the sound amplifying from the pile of clothes it had fallen into when you tossed it aside.

you walked over to your phone, unlocking it.

“it’s been a while. how are you?”

jesus. so it wasn’t the wrong person, nor was it a drunken text.

‘fine. u?’

you tried to keep your text brief, debating whether or not to continue the conversation. you knew that being in touch with bella again would only lead to more heartache, but you couldn’t ignore the thrill you felt in your stomach at the chime of their texts.

‘do u still live near our old apt?”

bella’s text made you furrow your eyebrows, as you quickly sent a reply. the term ‘our apartment’ made you feel sick to your stomach.

‘i live about two hours away. why?’

your heart raced as bella’s text bubbles appeared.

‘i’m in the area for a press conference. was wondering if you wanted to grab lunch.’

fuck.

your heart raced as you read the message over and over. what did they want? were they just looking for closure, or did they want you back?

for the next few hours, you struggled with your emotions. you couldn’t decide whether it was a good idea to meet them or to leave things as they were. in the end, bella was your weakness—they always had been.

‘sure. when?’

bella was quick with their response, even though you had left them on read for a solid three hours and forty-five minutes.

‘tomorrow afternoon. come to our spot, my treat.’

your heart raced. ‘our spot.’ you and bella had found a small italian restaurant a few years back, with food that was to die for. it wasn’t well known, and it was your secret.

‘okay.’

***

you had barely slept all night. you were awake just past 9am, you had a two hour drive to make to get to the restaurant.

you showered and changed, putting on a light floral dress, your hair natural and flowy. you would pretend you didn’t put extra time into your appearance, but you knew it was a lie.

when you approached the restaurant, your heart felt like it was about to beat out of your chest. you were a few minutes late—due to traffic, and while you should’ve felt apologetic, you felt bella deserved it for being an asshole.

you walked into the restaurant, fiddling with your necklace. bella spotted you immediately, flagging you down as they called your name.

“over here,” they called, as you nearly knocked yourself to the ground from how fast you spun around.

bella was sitting in a booth, smiling at you as they gestured for you to sit across from them.

bella looked…different. a little taller, much more confident. their style had changed, and you hated to admit how good they looked.

you wanted to run out of the restaurant, your intuition told you this was a bad idea. but the heart wants what it wants.

you sauntered over to them, plastering on a smile that you hoped didn’t look too painful as you slid into the booth across from bella.

“you look stunning as always,” bella commented, a small smile on their face.

you had to remember they were just being polite as you fought back the blush on your cheeks. you thanked them, drinking a large gulp of your water, feeling the cool liquid trickle down your throat.

it was soothing, and it took your mind off bella, who was staring thoughtfully at you from the other side of the booth.

neither of you wanted to start the conversation you knew had to take place, so instead, it was silent.

you noticed they tried not to be on their phone, eyes darting all around the restaurant. you wondered if nostalgia was hitting them the way it was hitting you.

you remembered going here with bella at least once a week when you were dating, making a night out of it. it was your favorite day of the week.

now, the restaurant seemed to have lost its magic. it didn’t feel like home, not like it used to. you wondered if it had been simply being with bella that made the place so magical all those months ago.

“so, how are you?” bella asked, picking at their nails.

“i’m okay,” you replied, voice a little breathy. your heart hadn’t stopped its somersaults in your chest since you arrived, “and yourself?”

bella began to update you on their life. it was painful, seeing how much they had accomplished without you. your heart ached at the twinkle in their eyes, the excitement in their tone. the way they made you feel hadn’t changed.

it was easy to talk to bella, you forgot how much they made you feel like you belonged. it was like old friends catching up, not missing a beat. it felt like nothing had changed…but deep down you knew that everything was different.

bella was like an addicting drug. so easy to go back to…so hard to let go of. you remembered why you put up with their bullshit for so long—because they were bella and you were you.

when the waiter came, bella listed off both of your orders without a second thought, like second nature.

perhaps they noticed you slight glare as the waiter walked away, causing them to speak up.

“oh, sorry,” they said, “is that not your order anymore?”

you sighed, shaking your head.

“it’s not that, bella,” you began. their brown eyes glanced your way, and you felt suffocated under their dreamy gaze.

“it’s just—what are we doing here? i mean, you’ve been doing your own thing and i’ve been doing mine. why all the sudden did you decide to reach out?”

bella was quiet for a moment, fiddling with their rings as they cleared their throat.

“i’m sorry,” they said, catching you off guard, “for what i did. i was a selfish asshole, and i know i hurt you.”

you wanted to say it was okay, but you’d be lying.

“thank you for the apology, i appreciate it,” you decided to reply instead.

you hated how it was between you two. it should’ve been easy—it was easy…when you two were pretending that nothing had changed. the two of you had always fit together, like two pieces of a puzzle.

now that you were tackling what had gone wrong, the atmosphere didn’t feel quite as comfortable.

“i don’t want things to be like this anymore. i miss you.” bella said.

six months ago, it was everything you wanted to hear. but now, the words that rolled off their tongue settled bitterly in your stomach.

“did you think all you had to do was say you’re sorry and i’d come running back?” you spat, “plus, don’t you have a girlfriend?” you asked.

bella looked at you with furrowed eyebrows. they opened your mouth to reply, then shut it again after a few seconds out of pure confusion.

“no?”

bella looked at you as they tilted your head. what about everything you saw?

“you don’t?” you asked in confusion.

“last i checked, i’ve been single single we broke up,” bella now seemed just as confused.

“but, your instagram and the news headlines—”

“you’ve been stalking my instagram?” bella asked, a slight teasing tone in their voice as your face went red.

“i—” you tried to defend yourself, but the words died in your throat.

“i’m just messing with you,” bella said, the atmosphere balancing on the line of tense and airy, “if you’re talking about amara…she’s just a co-star. news and headlines just like to gossip.”

“oh.” you felt stupid for bringing it up. you hated how bella could manipulate your emotions so easily, for better or for worse.

they knew it too, it’s not like they were that stupid.

you felt bella’s hand brush against yours, bringing your attention back to them.

“i’ve had a lot of time to think. no one compares to you.” bella spoke, and you didn’t know how to react.

you wanted to slap them, kiss them, scream at them, and cry, all at the same time.

“you put me through hell, you know?” you said sadly, fiddling with your necklace yet again, “i was there for you. before your career took off, when you needed a shoulder to cry on.“

“i’ve beat myself up everyday for what i did. there’s no excuse. i was new to all the fame—all the interviews. i wanted to leave my old life behind—so that’s exactly what i did. i was shitty. i owe an apology for everyone i’ve wronged, but especially you.”

bella looked down guiltily.

“i can’t take back what i did,” they said slowly, “but i’d like to try.”

you licked your lips, noticing the sincerity in their voice.

their eyes were doe-eyed, lips puffy from biting down on them.

you knew you should walk away, prevent the inevitable hurt you’d go through again when bella got bored. but for now, you picked your poison. you’d take the happiness for now, a fair exchange for the pain you’d feel later.

you tried to shush the voice of insecurity in the back of your mind. for now, bella was yours, and you were theirs. they looked at you the same way they did when you first started dating, all giddy and love struck.

you laced your hands with bella’s, a smile growing on your face.

“yeah,” you agreed, as bella shifted in their seat hopefully.

“i’d like that.”

[aprivateplace7]

PSA: Why I Am Boycotting Kpop (& how)

So. I love kpop. Its been a big part of my life for a few years now. But I'm boycotting. Why?

Well to put it simply, its because of the 🍉Palestine genocide🍉 *A lot* of these k-entertainment companies are directly & indirectly supporting Zionism/Israel, including monetarily.

Like most, I think, I only found out about this whole thing in Oct '23, so its now that I'm choosing to boycott in hopes of helping.

This is NOT an "attack" on anyone. Not a certain group, not even a certain label.

I am boycotting *everyone* personally. Officially, the popular boycott is the big 3 & HYBE. However I know that another company, Kakao Ent is also a huge Zionist offender (also I just saw that they invest in a blockchain too...? So yeah, ew). So to make it easier for myself, I am boycotting all of kpop.

I also have no issue w/ the artists themselves. I do not do this out of any hate/fan wars. I am not assuming/accusing them of being Zionists. I know, they are celebs but they work for the company. They have to obey their bosses, so while I would like more of the artists to openly speak in support of Palestine, I am not holding it against them.

Its just that, any $ the artist makes, goes straight to the company. & I don't like what these companies are doing w/ my $.

(Btw, it rly is about the companies. So for ex HYBE America has the artist Ariana Grande. I am boycotting her too, its just that I've never been a huge fan. I rly, rly like kpop. So that is why I am focusing on it. Its meaningless to say u are boycotting something that you never bought/consumed in the 1st place)

And just to note; I don't want to hear anything about "keeping politics out of kpop". These companies are *not* disconnected from the issue. & saying that "I'm not Palestinian so its not my problem" is extremely cruel.

Links & more info below-

Twt thread [X]

For Stays [X]

Twt link 2 [X]

Twt thread about Starbucks (TLDR; Not the same as McDonalds aka not directly contributing to Zionism, but they are still anti-union & treat their workers shitty, so still boycott) [X]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you also want to stop/reduce streaming, here is how I'm doing it

I'm not saying that u have to completely stop interacting w/ ur fav artists. I'm not. I'm just trying to minimize my interactions w/ official content, like streaming, videos ect.

So the 1st thing; Get comfortable w/ sketchy looking websites & piracy!!!

Like I know, now that everything is readily available on (monetized) platforms, its hard to make the switch! Its hard to even know where to start. But there still are a lot of tools out there to do it.

Here are the basic things-

"yewtu . be"

*** (edit: the website shows .com, but the actual address is .in) "ilkpop . in"

(remove spaces, I'm not putting links bc that is how u get illict sites taken down, i think...)

Google drive

The app "Musicolet" (for mobile listening)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There is this website "yewtu . be" that you can use to watch yt vids w/out adding to the views/ad revenue. I've only used it on desktop, so idk how well it works on mobile. Sorry. Btw, sometimes it can not work, but it has options to switch the source to one that works. I have not tried making an acc, so idk how secure that is, but just using it to watch things seems ok.

As for streaming/downloading mp3, there is another website "ilkpop . in" it has most official releases. U can stream right from the site, or download mp3.

When downloading (I did this all on desktop btw) I would recommend the extension "TabBlock", it prevents opening any new tabs. So u do have to toggle it on/off.

So I downloaded the songs as mp3 files from that website, uploaded them to my Google drive & then downloaded them to my phone from there. These files surprisingly don't take a lot of room, I have currently 471 songs that are only 1.63 GB

The app I'm using to listen on mobile is Musicolet. 1st time using it for about a month & I like it. Its free, it plays local downloaded files, so no need for internet & most importantly it will continue to play the songs while the screen is off. For free. W/ no ads. U can also still make playlists. It has more settings & customization stuff.

This is based on my personal experience, so I use desktop (windows) & android devices. This is all I know. Don't be too scared about the looks of the sites. I haven't gotten any viruses, but u might wanna make sure u have installed an antivirus. The one I use is Avast, the free version is ok. It does have a subscription & ads but its not too annoying.

[garbinge]

Soft Spot

Carmy Berzatto & Platonic!Reader Richie Jerimovich x Reader (Platonic here but pining) Mikey Berzatto & Platonic!Reader

Day 13 from these April Prompts: “I have a soft spot for plants.” 

Summary: Reader gets back home from visiting Carmy in NYC after fleeing her abusive ex. After feeling trauma and just empty and lost, she goes back to The Original Beef. A place that has some of her favorite people, the place she least expected to bring her comfort in the middle of darkness. 

Continuation from this fic. You don’t have to read to understand this but it helps build the character dynamics out!

A/N: This is one of my favorite little universe’s I’ve created in a while.   

Word Count: 3.0k words

Warnings: All my fics are 18+ regardless of content. Angst. Mentions of abuse and bruises. Angst. Threats. Trauma. Death. Guns. 

The Bear Taglist: @drabbles-mc​ @justreblogginfics​ 

Other fics from this universe

Standing outside The Beef in the middle of a Chicago winter brought back a similar memory to you standing outside The French Laundry. Cold. In more ways than one. Physically, sure. Winter months in both states were brutally freezing. But after everything you had just been through, it felt emotionally cold. You had wondered how you could get back to how things used to be when everything was different now. You thought it would be easy, that’s why you went to New York. But Carmy was different. It could’ve been the day he was having, or days, but coming straight off a flight from fleeing your ex’s house in a less than ideal state was making it foggy for you to see that. 

Carmy offered you a smile and a wave, his hug was half assed, one armed and less than a couple seconds. He did seem somewhat excited to see you, though, that healed you a bit. Overall, he was out of it, for someone who was so attentive to detail he was missing every cry for help you were letting out. Now, to be fair, you didn’t exactly come out and say it. You were struggling, but you weren’t stupid. Carmy flipped a switch. As you sat across from each other at 3AM in some shitty cafe after his kitchen shift at Noma sipping the shitty coffee you saw it in his eyes before he said anything. You asked about home, he mentioned something along the lines of not knowing much and not caring much. 

He noticed the bruise on your arm when you took your coat off. There was concern there, but you lied. It wasn’t your initial plan. Originally, you had planned to go out with him, hit the big apple together like you used to terrorize Chicago. If you had written down an itinerary it would have been something like 1. get drunk 2. Find some place that served alcohol into the early morning 3. Get more drunk 4. Have Carmy show you the best cheap food near his place. 5. Drink shitty coffee to attempt to sober up before the sun rose 6. Tell him about what happened. 

Only one of those things happened. And it was half assed. There was no alcohol in your system, so the shitty coffee was extra shitty. It made Carmy asking about the bruise even more painful. You don’t even remember the lie you told him, but you remember he believed it with no questions. That might’ve hurt the most. Not because you wanted him to care or because you needed him to handle it for you but because you saw how disconnected from it all he was. 

That leads you to feel frozen in front of The Beef, 3 days and two flights later. There was a worry that you would be met with the same distance that Carmy met you with earlier this week. If that was the case, you’d push ahead but you couldn’t help but think it’d change something in you permanently. 

You walked in, the intensity of the kitchen hit you immediately, it brought some sort of life to you, chippering you up a bit. 

“What d’ya got?” Richie’s voice was like music to your ears. His head was down as he wrote on the guest check. 

“One beef, hot and sweet, extra sauce. And a cup of your shitty cappuccino, please. 4 extra shots of espresso.” You waited with your hands in your coat pocket, a smile on your face knowing Richie would recognize that.

His head lifted up, his eyes meeting yours. It was that moment that you felt the most nervous. This was the moment that was gonna define how you handled everything moving forward. The pit in your stomach disappeared as the smile grew on his face. 

“One shitty cappuccino, 4 extra shots!” Richie yelled out, still not taking his eyes off you. 

The announcement of your order brought someone through the kitchen door quicker than you could imagine. 

“Tell me that’s not our girl!” Mikey’s voice was loud and exhilarated. If his smile wasn’t bringing out the best parts of your personality, the eagerness in his walk to embrace you was. He was in front of you, arms wide in seconds. His navy blue beef t-shirt smelled like giardiniera, meat, garlic, and week old cologne but it might have been the best thing you’ve ever smelled. It smelt like home. Your body collapsed into his hug, his arms wrapping around you like they were pulling you out from drowning in rapid waters. 

He picked up on it immediately, he tightened his grip on you a little more and placed a light kiss to the top of your head to offer you some sort of comfort. “What’s up, kid?” 

“It’s just really good to be home.” Your head moved in a nod as he cradled it. Mikey was like your own big brother, you had known him since you were 7, you spent a majority of your life at the Berzatto house. He teased you, he yelled at you, he stood up for you, he took you and Carmy to school, he got you both a shared graduation gift, he was a big part of your life. 

After a few seconds, you let go of him, careful to wipe your couple stray tears in a way that was inconspicuous to everyone around. 

“What the fuck are you doin’ back home?” Richie’s voice cut through as he moved to greet you. His cheek moved against yours as he kissed the air, the italian kiss was his go-to welcome, the irony in the fact that he had no drop of italian blood in him. 

“Things just–” you paused thinking of what it is you wanted to say. Even with all the nerves you had built up to just enter the restaurant there wasn’t a single second you spent thinking about what you planned to say. “They, uh–” Your head shook in protest of the sentence you were going to say. “I think I’m gonna be home for a while.” You nodded, finally agreeing with yourself on what to say. “Things just didn’t work out in Minneapolis.” 

“Well, yea, it’s fuckin’ Minneapolis.” Mikey quickly jumped in to save you from whatever the fuck was going on in your head. He wasn’t going to ask you, or pry it out of you. He knew you were an open book and when or if you were ready you’d talk about whatever you wanted. 

Your eyes closed as you laughed, finally letting yourself relax and just be back. 

“You’re tellin’ me, the town population was so fuckin’ small they had no town drunk so I made it my goal to fill that position.” 

The both of them laughed at your joke, “no, but seriously my bowling score is fucking immaculate.” 

Mikey threw his arm over you and brought you over to the counter and tapped on the stool for you to sit. “Ibra! One beef, hot and sweet, drench that shit!” His voice carried through the entire restaurant and kitchen. 

“On it, Mikey!” Ibra walked by the service hatch and yelled your name at the same octave. That’s when you heard Tina’s voice and then soon after her face popped up in the service hatch, followed by Gary, and the entire kitchen, everyone of them thrilled to see you after months away. 

“Bowling score?” Richie frowned as he placed a cup of black coffee in front of you. “I’m not making you that fancy Starbucks shit.” 

A scoff left your mouth as you sipped the black coffee. A face of approval came across your face as you sipped it. “Not bad.” Your eyebrows raised. “And yea, bowling score, it was the only thing to do out there. I’m surprised the population isn’t stupid high because besides bowling the only other option for entertainment is fuckin’.” 

Richie looked like he was waiting for you to finish your sentence, like you were using fuckin’ as a descriptor verse a verb. 

“No Richie, she means intercourse.” Mikey teased as he hopped up on the counter. 

“Sexual relations.” You added another equivalent of the word. 

“Mating!” Mikey pointed at you with the pen he normally kept behind his ear, hype that he had thought of another one. 

Your mouth moved from side to side as you thought quickly to respond back, like it was a new game between the two of you to play. “Oh! Oh!” The stool rattled as you jumped up and down eager to share your word. “Looooovemaaaaakingggg” You enunciated each syllable in the word, rolling your body to mock it even more. 

“Fornication.” Mikey smirked like a teenage boy as his head nodded in approval of the word. 

“Alright, I get it, fuck you.” Richie grabbed your coffee mug and finished off the black liquid in a way to get back at you. 

“Fuck you or like fuuuucccckkkkk you?” Your body rolled again to mock the man. It was hard to hold your laugh in, and the minute Mikey let out a hyena howl at your mockery you burst into the same giggles. 

“You two are children.” He was retreating back to the kitchen, an excuse to stop getting teased but also to grab your food. 

“Hey, I gotta go.” Mikey looked at the clock and jumped down from the counter. He grabbed his jacket that was hanging on the coat rack in the seated part of the restaurant. “You think you could do me a favor?” He stopped for a minute in front of you, jacket half on, like he had just remembered something. “Sugar brought this stupid fuckin’ plant over here for good luck or some shit a while ago, I don’t know. I barely water it, and I was thinkin’” He moved to the window and grabbed the plant with one hand, placing it on the counter before his hands grabbed the corners as he leaned on it. “I was thinkin’ maybe you could take it home.” 

You stared at the plant and then back at Mikey. He knew you were about to argue it. 

“Hey” His hands lifted up. “Just passin’ the fuckin’ luck around.” He placed a kiss on top of your head, similar to the one he greeted you with. “Alright, I’m outtie, but relax, stay here as long as you want, eat whatever you want, hang in the back, hang in the front,” Mikey waved his hand around before bringing it down to grip yours as they rested on the countertop. “I’m serious. You’re home here.” 

“Thanks Mikey.” You nodded, he offered your hand one more squeeze before yelling out his goodbyes and leaving. 

“Here.” Richie slide the foiled wrapped sandwich in front of you. “I had Ibra put french fries on the sandwich cause I know that’s how you like to eat that shit.” Richie was making himself busy with the soda machine, his way of trying to be nonchalant with you. 

Your lips curled slightly in gratitude. “Thanks Richie.” Standing up, you grabbed the plant in one hand, and sandwich in the other and turned to leave. Just 15 minutes here had brought you the comfort you needed. 

And in seconds it was completely gone. 

Frozen. Your feet were stuck, unable to move. The cold air from the open door hit your face and instead of knocking you out of whatever was happening, it just solidified it more. 

“Hey.” His voice was cold but his breath was hot and the fact you could feel it meant he was too close in proximity to you. “Figured you’d come home. Thought I’d drop by to see how you were since you left so suddenly.” 

Your ex being inside The Beef was the last thing you’d expected, but then you felt your reaction to it and that was actually more surprising. Back in Minneanapolis, where you had moved in with him 6 months ago, your responses were the opposite. Never holding out, you yelled, fought back, and then left.

No response. The feeling was comparable to feeling like a kid again, wishing you could just shut your eyes and disappear into a fantasy world. But when you reopened your eyes he was still there. 

“Man, whatever.” He rolled his eyes and as he did so they landed on the two items in your hand. He slammed them both out of your grip, the sound of the foil splattering on the ground happened first, shortly followed by the sound of the planter shattering. You looked down at the mess that unfolded at your feet. The dirt from the greenery buried them but they might as well have been planted into the cement. You caught a look at your hands which were shaking, this wasn’t you. You weren’t scared. You didn’t feel like this. You grew up alone, in Chicago. That should have been scary. Not this. 

“You’re gonna get the fuck outta my restaurant.” Richie was suddenly to your right and slightly in front of you. “I’m not gonna count to 5 like we’re in fuckin elementary school.” This was when you realized he had a gun in his hand. “You’re either gonna get the fuck out or I’m gonna shoot you in your nuts.” He turned his head and his gun when he said that. “It’s your choice, motherfucker. I’m the one with 6 witnesses to testify that you came in here and threatened one of my customers.” 

With a quick glance over your shoulder, you saw the entire kitchen staring through the serving hatch, your stare moved back to Richie, it was a shock that your eyes hadn’t fallen out of your head with how wide they were, but you were grateful because your hands were still shaking and the practicality of all of that was not ideal. The insanity that in this moment, that was the thought in your head currently. The practicality of your eyes falling out of your head. It was a good distraction, thinking about how you’d have to clean them from the dirt, letting your mind take you on this wild ride for what was likely less than a second before you were back in the real time moment in front of you. 

Your ex was moving backwards with his hands up, his steps too nonchalant for your liking but at least he was listening to Richie. He puckered up his lips as he reached the door, throwing you a smooch and a nod. Besides that it was so silent in the restaurant which is why it became immediately known that Richie had pulled the hammer back on the gun, loading the chamber with the bullet. 

In the next second, he was gone. The feeling in your feet came back almost right away and the feeling of being cold was whisked away by feeling intensely hot. You ripped your jacket off and threw it on the stool and bent down in a frantic attempt to clean up the mess. 

“Go back to your shit! We’re all good!” Richie called back to the kitchen before squatting down to help you clean. 

“Ay, ay, it’s okay.” Richie tried his best to calm you down. His towel was now in your hands as you gathered the dirt into a more concise pile ignoring his comments. His hand gripping yours felt like a jolt of lightning to your head. 

“Don’t fuckin’ touch me!” The grip he had on you was so light which made you yanking your arm back easy and super over exaggerated. 

“Woah,” Richie showed surrender as his eyebrows moved up in shock rather than in a frown. You fell into a sitting position on the floor, having your arms catch the tiny fall which is when Richie saw it. 

The bruise was a little less than a week old and it was a large dark purple splotch with yellow edges as it began to heal. The discolored mark on your skin was burning as Richie stared at it, his thoughts going through the process of understanding pretty much everything. Why you left Minneapolis, who that guy was, what he was doing.

“Did he fuckin’ do that to you?” He asked in a whisper. It was probably the quietest she had ever heard Richie speak. There was also a little grumble in his tone, maybe it was instinctual, maybe it was pure anger just boiling up inside of him. 

“Richie.” You said his name like it was a full sentence. There was so much being said with one word. If he didn’t get the point then, he did after the next word out of your mouth. “Please.” 

He nodded, taking a second before he stood up and was out of your eyesight. You assumed he went to blow off steam, maybe he didn’t listen to you at all and went after the guy, but within seconds, he was back in front of you, holding you a hand broom and more towels. 

He tossed you the towels as he swept up the dirt. Both of you cleaned in silence, throwing out the pieces of broken ceramic. At one point, Richie had thrown the ‘lucky’ plant into a to-go container, letting it sit next to you both as you cleaned. 

“Thanks.” You offered up another one word delivery. Richie paused his movements of mopping the floor with the cloth to look at you. “You know, for pointing the gun and everything.” His stare at you was like he had no idea what you were talking about. “For scaring the dickhead away with the gun, Richie. Thank you.” You repeated in a more obvious manner. 

“Oh yea, well,” There was a brief delay in his words, he was trying to think of what to say, his eyes were no longer on you and he was looking around the floor like he was going to find the answer there. Which ironically, he did. The lucky plant sat straight up in the tall clear to go container as Richie’s eyes fixated on it. 

“What can I say? I have a soft spot for plants.” 

[tobiasdrake]

YES! Digimon Adventure 02, my favorite *starts rubbing hand together* i'm going to be so obnoxious.

Anyway since you're done with Adventure could you rank the Chosen Children up to now? I'm really interested in hearing your thoughts.

Let's see. Chosen Children from Most Favorite to Least Favorite, since I don't actually have any I dislike.

1 - Tachikawa Mimi. I'm sure there are no surprises about that one. Mimi's job is to be the relatable everykid. The one who acts the most like what an actual real-life ten-year-old thrown into this situation would act like. She cries, she screams, she wants to go home.

But she still pulls it together and has a lot to contribute all the same.

All of the kids do a great job of being relatable, honestly. But Mimi has the most interesting journey to me,

2 - Kido "Joe" Jou. You know, as a kid, I adored Yamato so much. He would have been my #2. But as an adult, I can't help but appreciate how hard Jou-senpai worked at the mostly thankless job of trying to be responsible for these kids.

He's just as scared and confused and lost as they are, and in the beginning the burden of responsibility weighs so heavily on him that it nearly breaks him. But he rises to the challenge. Even after they decide Taichi is officially team leader, Jou is always looking out for them, always trying to guide them as their senpai nonetheless.

Jou giving his life to save Takeru is my favorite Crest activation of the lot.

3 - Ishida "Matt" Yamato. He's still up there, just not as high as Jou. Yamato is the most damaged of the Chosen Children at the start, though it may not be immediately obvious. He comes into the series with more baggage than anyone. He's already carrying his parents' divorce on his back and emotionally spiraling down a defensive rabbit-hole before we even know his name.

Yamato isn't capable of being a selfish person, and that much is on display left and right. His kneejerk reactions are almost always for the betterment of the group. He can't help himself but to care about everyone else. But he's so messed up that he thinks that's a character flaw. Who he is and who he wants to be are miles apart, and who he wants to be kinda sucks so that's a good thing.

4 - Takenouchi Sora. Sora's carrying some damage on her heart as well. She's similar to Yamato, in that there's a stark disconnect in her character. Not who she is vs. who she wants to be, but rather who she is vs. who she thinks she has to be.

I love how much attention her dynamic with her mom gets in the Vamdemon arc. Sora has the most interesting and dramatic home situation out of any of the kids.

But it does feel like the show starts to de-emphasize her over time, particularly in the Dark Masters arc where Sora routinely has to be protected or saved and rarely gets to be the one who looks cool. Whether she's propping up Takeru, Hikari, or Yamato, Sora often ends up taking a backseat as the series draws closer to its conclusion.

5 - Takaishi "T.K." Takeru. I didn't actually like T.K. as a kid. He just seemed like an annoying little kid. But that's because of the dub downplaying his growth and his strength. Ironically, Takeru is probably the one of the original seven who already has his shit together the most from the start.

He's innocent, naive, and abhors violence, but he's not a helpless baby either. Takeru is resourceful, strong-willed, and contributes as much as anyone to the children's survival. Which is, itself, a key factor in Yamato's arc as much as his own.

6 - Yagami "Kari" Hikari. Hikari suffers tremendously from entering the series so late. She has very limited opportunities to shine, something that 02 will help her with.

She makes good use of what she gets and has a lot of great moments nonetheless. Granted, she's a little bit deus ex machina-ey, but she's literally the Light of the Eight Gods so we can forgive her for that.

7 - Izumi "Izzy" Koushiro. He made my kid cry.

No, I jest. Koushiro's in a rough spot where, as the computer nerd of the group in the Digital World, he has to try and walk a tightrope between "Koushiro OP plz nerf" and "It feels like Koushiro should be doing more."

It's not a tightrope he walks easily. He gets off to an interesting start as he's building out his understanding of the Digital World. But that kinda reaches a head at Etemon's pyramid and after that he just starts leaning on stuff Gennai gives him.

Once the setting is well-established, we don't get to see him do cool things like writing a program that will display a holographic map of Etemon's pyramid in physical space anymore. Gennai gives him all of his tools going forward and he just... sorta becomes the Pokedex.

8 - Yagami Taichi. He yelled at my kid for grieving dead friends.

That's less of a jest. More generally, Taichi has a lot of good points. He's the one who keeps his eye on the ball during the Dark Masters arc and keeps pushing forward while Mimi, Jou, and Yamato are having their respective crises. He's usually the guy you want to lean on in a crisis.

But wow, can Taichi be insufferable at times pre-development. He's reckless, self-centered, occasionally sexist, and utterly insensitive to the thoughts and feelings of others.

Taichi is a wild card. You never really know if you're gonna get "gets everyone caught by Etemon because he thought it'd be funny to cause trouble" Taichi or "pulls this team back together after they split up" Taichi.

Though meeting Homeostasis near the end and hearing the background of their adventure seems to do wonders for Taichi putting all of this to rest and becoming an emotionally stronger leader.

[heavyhitterheaux]

You Better Call Becky With the Good Hair Part 2

Synopsis: You and Jack have now been divorced for 10 years because of you catching him cheating. The two of you get a lot more than you bargained for when someone sees an article on the internet mentioning the divorce and why it happened. Can you two overcome your past?

Pairing: Ex-Husband!Jack Harlow x Ex-Wife!Reader

Original request by: my treacherous twin @harlowsbby 😘💕

Read Part 1 First

Please Do Not Repost My Content Anywhere

“LeLe! You have ten minutes to get down here before I leave you! You’re going to make us both late!” You yell up the steps to your eleven year old daughter.

The second child that you had by Jack.

And you didn’t think there was going to be another one because of him cheating on you, but you found out right before you were able to file for divorce.

You cried for two weeks when you had found out and they definitely were not happy tears. It didn’t really hit you until you were once again holding a baby girl in your arms after being in labor for six hours.

When you originally told Jack, he obviously wanted to make it work between the two of you, but you just weren’t having it. You filed for divorce when you weren’t even two months into your pregnancy. You admit that it did add another layer of stress, but you wanted to cut as many ties as you could that held you to Jack.

But two ties that will be with you forever were your two daughters.

Even though you were upset about finding out that you were pregnant for a second time, once you saw those chubby cheeks and brown eyes you fell in love with the thought of having another mini me besides Amiyah.

He made his bed and now it was time for him to lie in it.

You happened to find out all of the information about his little fling, Rebecca Davis and couldn’t understand for the life of you what she had that you didn’t.

Until you realized,

She didn’t have a damn thing on you and your ex-husband had just been stupid.

After he got caught, he cut off all contact with her.

Or at least that’s what he told you.

“Coming mom!”

You were waiting by the door with your keys in your right hand with her lunch that you packed for her in the other.

Your oldest Amiyah lived with Jack full-time.

You admit that when she originally asked you two years ago when she was twelve that she wanted to live with him and if you were okay with it, your heart shattered. She was your little mini-me and had obviously been attached to your side since she was born. 

There was no way in the world that you would keep your children from seeing their father and vice versa.

Of course you didn’t mention to her why it seemed like there was such a disconnect between you two when at one time it was the complete opposite.

She did her best not to mention it because she noticed that despite being divorced, the two of you did still have a soft spot for one another. 

Amiyah was a daddy’s girl and there was no way of getting around it. You knew she loved you obviously, but being around Jack was top tier and you knew deep down that it hurt her being away from him for long periods of time.

It hurt you too and it had been hurting you for the past ten years. 

She was now 14 and just recently started high school and she came over every weekend and she made sure to facetime you and talk to you every day.

You knew in the back of your mind that it was only a matter of time before she found out why her parents weren’t together anymore and you were dreading it. She was getting to that age and getting more mature and knew that she was bound to ask sooner or later. 

“I’m here, I’m here!” Aaliyah said coming down the steps with her book bag and jacket in her hand.

“Mm hmm, you were up again weren’t you?” You asked while handing her the lunch you made for her as she started to make her way to the car.

“I have a history test! I want to do good on it mom!”

“I heard Netflix, but I’ll let it slide, come on.”

It was around noon and you were hanging up some new designs in your boutique when you suddenly got a call from Amiyah.

This instantly made you nervous seeing as it was school hours and she knew better than to be on her phone unless it was an emergency.

“MiMi? Are you okay?” You blurted out as you quickly sat down.

“Mommy, can you come and get me?” She only called you mommy when she was upset so you knew that this had to be a big deal.

“Bub, what’s wrong? Did something happen? Are you hurt?”

“No, just please.” She pleaded with you and you could tell that she was now crying.

“Okay, I’m coming.”

You slipped your phone in your back pocket and made your way over to where Luna and Lav were.

You opened your boutique soon after the whole cheating ordeal and Luna and Lav help you to run it on a daily basis. Homebase was in Louisville, but you had stores in New York, Miami, Atlanta, D.C, L.A., and you were working on getting one in Houston. 

“Something’s wrong with MiMi. She won’t tell me over the phone so I’m going to go get her.”

“Why didn’t she call her big ass forehead father?” Lav asked before Luna looked at her and rolled her eyes.

“I don’t know. She sounded really upset. Maybe it’s a girl thing and she needed me.”

“Well we’ll be here and we have everything covered.”

You said a quick thank you before hopping into your range rover and speeding to the high school.

When Amiyah slipped into the passenger seat, her eyes were filled with tears and you could tell that there were dry tears covering her cheeks.

“What happened MiMi?” You asked, concerned while looking at her. All she did was shake her head.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me right now. I want you to take your time and tell me when you’re ready. But for now, how about we have lunch and get our nails done?” You said while trying to wipe her tears away.

“Okay.” She quietly said before you started driving in the direction of the nearest chick-fil-a. That would always make her feel better and Jack would sometimes joke about him feeling some type of way seeing as she liked that better than KFC.

The radio was on a low volume as you were weaving through the Louisville traffic when you could see that she was looking at you.

“Mimi?”

“Thanks for coming to get me.”

“Of course. Anything for you, you’re my baby. You know that. Was your dad busy?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t call him. And Aaliyah is your baby.”

“Aaliyah is my youngest baby while you’re my oldest baby. Amiyah, let him know that you’re with me. I don’t want him to go up there when school is over and be looking for you.”

“Can you do it, please? I don’t want to talk to him.” You suddenly got a confused look on your face. In fourteen years, this was a first. 

“Baby girl, what is going on? There has never been a time when you turned down talking to your dad.”

“And I want to stay with you for the rest of the week.”

“Amiyah Margaret Harlow, you have me nervous.” You responded while pulling into a parking space.

“Please, I just… I’m mad at him.”

“Sweetheart, you have to tell him that and tell him why. How do you expect to fix things if you don’t talk about them? We taught you that.”

“I’m not ready to talk to him.”

“Okay… just… I’ll text him. Let’s just get our food.” You said while turning off the car and opening the door.

You then sent Jack a quick text so that he wouldn’t be worried and be looking for her later

You- I have Amiyah. She called me crying and asked for me to pick her up from school which I did. But she won’t tell me what’s wrong. Did something happen between the two of you recently?

Jack- Not that I can think of. She was fine this morning when I dropped her off at school.

You- She also said that she wanted to stay with me for the rest of the week and that she was mad at you. I told her that she needed to tell you this and not me.

Jack- Mad at me for what? Literally nothing out of the ordinary happened

You- I don’t know, but you need to call her later and fix this because she was crying crocodile tears when I got her earlier.

Jack- Well you focus on Amiyah and I can pick up Aaliyah. When I drop her off, I’ll talk to her.

You- Okay

“You know what you want, Mimi?”

“My usual, please.”

“You got it.”

After having lunch with you and getting a mani and pedi done, you could tell that she was still upset, but she tried not to let it show.

It was nearing 3:45 and you knew that Jack would be coming with your youngest soon and tried one more time to get information out of your oldest.

“Mimi, are you ready to talk now?” You quietly asked and turned down the television in order to hear her response.

“Um, I guess.”

“What is going on between you and your dad and why don’t you want to talk to him?”

After you asked that question, tears started to form in her eyes again and you quickly went and sat next to her and hugged her.

“Because he ruined our family.”

“What? Amiyah, we just grew apart….”

“Mommy stop making excuses. Daddy cheated on you with a lady named Rebecca and that’s why you two divorced. This is his fault why we aren’t all under one roof. And I noticed that you’re still sad all the time. You don’t date anyone and neither does he. I just want the two of you back together.”

Well, shit.

“Amiyah….”

Before you could respond to her, the doorbell rang and you hopped up to answer it.

And of course you were then face to face with your ex-husband and a bouncing bubbly Aaliyah who was sipping on a slushie from 711. She was going to be bouncing off the walls until bedtime and made a mental note to kill Jack later for that since he let her get the largest size. 

“Sorry, mommy! Forgot my key again!” She said as she stepped past you and smiled. She looked to the living room to see her older sister and she was upset and quickly went to give her a hug. You admired their relationship and how close that they were.

You then turned back to Jack and he was now looking at you concerned.

“Umm, first off, hi.” You said, trying to come to terms with what Amiyah just told you.

“Hey, you okay? Where’s Mimi?” Jack asked, trying to step past you, but you quickly pulled him back.

“She knows.” You whisper and Jack looked at you confused.

“Knows what?”

“Why we aren’t together anymore and she is upset with you.”

“How did she even find out?” Jack muttered and his heartrate had now sped up.

“It is all over the internet, Jackman if you know where to look. We did our best with trying to shield her, but there’s only so much that we can do. That’s what comes with having a father whose famous.”

“Fuck.” Jack quietly muttered and you had no idea what to even do at this point.

You then noticed how Jack’s eyes went wide and you turned around to see Amiyah giving him a death glare.

“You are such a hypocrite! You tell me not to settle when it comes to boyfriends after I got cheated on and that I deserve the best when you were out here cheating on your wife!”

“Amiyah, baby….” Jack said, pleading with her. 

“No! How could you do that to her and do that to us? Now we have to split our time between two houses, have two of every holiday all because of what you did! You weren’t thinking of us at all!”

“Amiyah! Do not raise your voice at your father!”

“Mom, how can you still take up for him after what he did to you and to us?”

“At the end of the day, he is still your father and you need to respect that.”

You suddenly heard slurping and you looked to your left to see Aaliyah looking on with wide eyes.

“Um, so can we have pizza for dinner? And daddy? I know that lady you cheated on mommy with definitely wasn’t as pretty as she is.”

—-

You had finally convinced Amiyah to talk to Jack while you went and entertained your youngest child upstairs in her room to give them two some privacy.

They were both in the living room sitting next to each other while Amiyah had her arms crossed.

“Amiyah?”

“Yes?”

“I’m sorry that you found out from the internet and not from me about what happened. I regret what I did every single day and I’m holding out hope that one day your mom will forgive me and take me back. I admit I was wrong and that instead of working through our problems in our marriage, I just wanted a distraction from it all and that’s what I did. I still remember the look on your mom’s face when she found out and my heart breaks every time that I think about it. I told you not to settle for less because I meant it. I guess that was my karma. Me cheating on your mom and then you getting cheated on. I never thought that I would see you in that position and the fact that I know I wouldn’t want that to happen to my daughter so why would I do that to someone else’s daughter? Been ten years since it was finalized and I still get on myself about it every day.”

“She still cries from time to time about it. I know she doesn’t think I know, but I do. I heard her talking to Aunt Lav the other day and I heard her say as much as she hates what you did that she misses you.”

“And I have no one to blame but myself for it.”

“I think she would take you back if you asked her.”

"I highly doubt it. She barely accepts the gifts that I give her for her birthday every year. And besides, it's been ten years."

That's when the wheels in Amiyah's head began turning to try and come up with a plan to get her parents back together.

“It’s been ten years, but neither of you ever dated anyone else. That counts for something. Right?”

—

Amiyah had been planning what she wanted to do for the two of you for about a week now, but she knew that she was going to have to have help. And what better people to help her than the two people who were covering up her father’s cheating ways?

Uncle Urban and Uncle Sunni.

Amiyah- Uncle Urban and Uncle Sunni we miss you. Can you pick me and Lele up from school today?

Aaliyah- Yes! Pretty pleaseeee you owe us a lunch date

Urban- anything for my girls. I'll make sure Uncle Sunni isn't late this time either

Sunni- That was ONE time 

Amiyah- One time too many smh

Amiyah had let both of you know that their uncles would be coming to get them and that they didn’t need to worry about picking up either of them from school. You decided to treat yourself and get your hair done since there was no need to rush to get either of them.

They had all finished eating and Amiyah had her arms crossed and was eyeing both of her uncles as they both looked at her confused while Aaliyah was looking at the dessert menu.

Amiyah nudged her and she knew it was game time.

"You two okay?" Sunni asked concerned while trying to figure out what was happening.

"We know what you two did and the both of you are going to help us fix it."

"What did we do?" Urban curiously asked.

"Not tell our mother that our father was cheating on her which led to their divorce."

Urban went pale

Sunni was trying not to choke on his drink 

Aaliyah was just following in her big sister's footsteps.

"They're both miserable and we want to see them back together. Well I’ve actually never seen them together since it happened when she was pregnant with me.” Aaliyah added while pointing to the picture of the molten chocolate lava dessert and scooting it towards Urban. 

"Girls this really isn't our business to intervene with this. Your parents…"

"Not intervening eleven years ago is why we're where we are now. Obviously daddy is at fault. However, you two turned a blind eye and hurt my mom in the process and it's the fact that she still cries about it to this very day. I want my entire family back under one roof." Amiyah added and the two of them knew that the girls were not about to let this go. 

“So, what exactly did you two have in mind since it doesn’t look like we’re getting out of this one.” Sunni muttered while looking at Urban. 

“First, we have to get them to spend more time with each other. I don’t know how, but I’ll make it happen. And once that happens, I want to recreate their first date that they had at Vincenzo’s.”

“Are we actually doing it at the restaurant or?”

“No, in mommy’s backyard and the two of you are responsible for setting it up while we keep them distracted. It helps that Aaliyah is with her and I’m with dad.”

“And what if this doesn’t work?” Urban asked nervous about the answer that his goddaughter was going to give him.

“It has to, because I don’t have a plan B.”

“If it doesn’t, I’ll just start crying. Usually they both fold when that happens.” Aaliyah said while digging into her dessert.

“Mom is going to kill you. You have been eating sugar nonstop all week.”

“She won’t know if you don’t tell her.”

“She’ll be able to tell because you’ll be bouncing off the walls until you go to sleep.”

“Okay so when are we starting to execute this plan?”

“Now.”

—

“Daddy, this is pretty. Do you think mom would like it? You should buy it for her.” Amiyah said while she was out with her dad to get some new shoes that she wanted and saw a necklace that had you written all over it.

“She would probably like it.” Jack answered her while shrugging and admiring the necklace at the same time.

“So buy it for her.”

“Mimi, we talked about this.”

“You have to try. I know you still want to be with her and that she wants to be with you. It’s like you’ve given up!”

“I appreciate what you’re trying to do, baby girl, but she made her intentions very clear when she told me she wanted to divorce me.”

“No offense, daddy but that was 100% your fault.”

“I-...”

“Tell her how sorry you are!”

“Don’t you think I’ve already tried that? I still give her gifts on her birthday every year, still get her flowers periodically and even give her gifts on what was supposed to be our anniversary. Let it go, Amiyah.”

“But what if I don’t want to?”

“You doing this might make her more upset in the end and that’s the last thing that I want. Did you think about that?”

“Well, no. I just want to see both of you happy and right now I feel like I’m watching a very sad episode of those soap operas that grandma likes.”

“I know, but promise me you’ll stop. It’s just…”

“It’s just what? You don’t have a secret child do you?”

“AMIYAH MARGARET!”

“What?!? I was just asking!”

“It’s nothing, now let it go and stay out of grown folks business. Your mom is the only person that I've ever gotten pregnant.”

“But you two are my business. You’re my parents.”

“You definitely got that attitude from her. It has Y/N written all over it.”

Amiyah was now back to square one with her plan, but she wasn’t giving up. She instructed her baby sister to tell their mother that she missed the two of them and to invite them over for a movie night.

“MOM, PLEASE?!”

“You’ll see your dad this weekend. You can’t wait until then?” You asked while scrolling through your phone on door dash, not wanting to cook anything for the two of you tonight.

“No! I miss him and I want to see him now!” She whined and you couldn’t for the life of you figure out what was going on between the both of your daughters lately. 

“Come on, let's facetime him.”

“That’s not good enough!”

“Aaliyah, what in the world is going on with you and why are you almost twelve years old having a full blown temper tantrum?”

“I just miss daddy. I just… I never got to experience having both of you under one roof and Amiyah did. It’s just not fair.”

All you did was sigh. 

You couldn’t even be mad at her about that one.

“Okay, baby. Let’s facetime him and ask him and Amiyah to come over for movie night if he isn’t doing anything. Sound like a plan?”

“Yes.” She answered while sniffling and laid her head in your lap while you began to call him.

He picked up immediately. 

“What’s wrong? You have that look on your face.”

“Your youngest misses you and wants you to come over for movie night if you and Amiyah aren’t doing anything.”

“Let me talk to daddy! Hand me the phone please!” Aaliyah said while popping up from your lap and you quickly handed her the phone. 

“Daddy!”

“Yes, baby girl. How are you?”

“I miss you so can you and Mimi come over so we can have pizza and watch movies?”

“I miss you too, but you know that it’s a school night, right?” Jack asked while eyeing her. One thing that the two of you always prioritized was them doing well in school. 

Her smile immediately turned into a pout.

“Yes, but…”

“I’ll tell you what. Is all your homework done?”

“Yes! And I already finished studying for my test at the end of the week.”

“I expect an A on it.”

“It’s my best subject. Of course I’ll get an A.”

“Okay, we’ll be over there soon. Hand the phone back to your mom.”

“Okay!”

Aaliyah handed you back your phone and proceeded to go upstairs to her room.

“What in the world is going on with your daughters lately?” You asked while eyeing him.

“Oh, so they’re my daughters now?” Jack answered, noticing that you were wearing your favorite pair of earrings that he had bought you almost 13 years ago. 

It’s been years since he saw you wear them. 

“Yes, because they act just like you.”

“Mimi got that attitude from you. Let’s be clear about that.”

“Okay, now that I agree with but, Aaliyah was literally having a full blown temper tantrum until I called you. She hasn’t done that since she was six.”

“I wonder why.”

“She… she did say that she felt some type of way because Amiyah got to experience having two parents under one roof and she didn’t.”

“Oh. I can imagine that’s hard on her.”

“Yeah, but um.. You two can come over when you’re ready.”

“I’ll pick up pizza for us. Be there soon.”

“Okay.”

“IS THAT MOM?!” You heard Amiyah yell in the background before she proceeded to grab Jack’s phone without waiting for an answer.

“Hi my baby. It’s me.”

“I got an A on my science project!”

“Was that the one that I helped you with?”

“Yes, because all daddy can help me with is music class.”

“HEY! I HEARD THAT!”

“I got my brains from mom! We all know this!”

“Give your dad some credit, he’s smart too when he wants to be.”

“Y/N! Outta pocket!” Jack exclaimed and all you did was laugh.

“Hurry up and get here you two.”

“Aaliyah, baby, not again!” Jack exclaimed as she decided that she wanted to watch Encanto.

“But it’s my favorite and the two of you used to sing the songs to me when I was younger!”

“That’s all you ever pick! Do something else!” Amiyah said while stuffing her face with pizza.

“Fine, Encanto, the sing along version.”

“AALIYAH!”

“Okay fine! Princess and the Frog!”

“Now we’re talking!” Amiyah answered since that was her favorite Disney movie. The two of them purposely sat next to each other and spread out across the couch so that you and Jack had no choice but to sit next to each other too.

After the movie had gone off, you had mercy on your youngest child and let her watch Encanto next, before the girls knew it, the two of you were sleeping with Jack’s arm wrapped around you and your head was on his chest.

“Mimi, take a picture. We’re going to need this later.”

"They look so cute!"

You woke up by the sound of your two daughters and it seemed like they were arguing.

“No, Aaliyah! Not like that! Here let me help you!”

“But I can do it!”

“You’re going to drop it because it’s too heavy. You carry that and I’ll get this. Come on before they wake up.”

You were startled to find that you were in fact cuddled up against your ex-husband with your head on his chest and his arm wrapped around you and it was light outside.

“Good morning parents!” Amiyah exclaimed while setting a tray of food down in front of the two of you.

“What time is it?” Jack asked with his eyes still closed.

“Umm 9.”

“Wait a minute! You two should be in school!” Jack said, fully alert and looking at the two of them. Aaliyah noticed that his arm was still wrapped around you and smiled to herself.

“Umm, you see what had happened was…”

“Amiyah Margaret!”

“We forgot to set our alarms! We can stay home and have a family day, right?!” She asked hopeful.

“Just this once.”

“Good, because I have an entire day planned out for us.”

You and Jack immediately groaned.

“She got that from you.” Jack whispered and you immediately laughed.

“Did not, that is definitely all you.”

—

Over the next two months, you and Jack had been spending more and more time with each other and the girls as a family and reality was starting to hit you with how much you missed him.

You were now looking at your wedding album pictures with you and Jack and trying not to cry. It was two in the morning and you couldn’t sleep. 

Aaliyah got up to go to the bathroom and saw your bedroom light on and knocked on the door.

“Mommy, can I come in? Are you okay?”

“Yeah, baby, come in.” You answered her while quickly wiping away your tears so she wouldn’t see you.

“Why aren’t you asleep?”

“I saw your light on when I went to the bathroom. What are you looking at?” She curiously asked and knew that there was no use in hiding from her.

“My wedding pictures.”

“I’ve never seen them before!”

“You want to see them? Come here.” You said and patted the space next to you and she immediately hopped up.

You turned all the way to the beginning and she was mesmerized.

“You look so pretty and… so happy.”

“I was. I definitely was.”

“Daddy looks so handsome and so excited to marry you.”

“It was an amazing day. We were actually scared that it was going to rain, since it had rained all week, but on the day of the wedding it didn’t.”

“Oh, Uncle Urban always had long hair, I see.”

“He has for the most part and he was your daddy’s best man.”

“And there’s Uncle Sunni next to him.”

“I want to show you this one, I think you’ll like it.”

You turned to the picture that showed you and Jack laying next to one another. You were looking into the camera, but Jack’s eyes were focused on you. Your youngest was already a hopeless romantic so you knew that she would love it.

“Mommy?”

“Yeah, bub?”

“Daddy still looks at you like that when you aren’t paying attention.” 

It was now time for the final part of the plan and Amiyah and Aaliyah were responsible for getting both you and Jack to the backyard by 7 pm.

School had let out last week for the summer and the girls had requested that they had dinner with their parents in the backyard because of how nice it was outside.

Aaliyah was currently trying to get you to put on a dress that was similar to what you had worn on your first date with Jack while Amiyah was trying to do the same thing for him.

“You should definitely wear this one.” Aaliyah said while going into your closet and picking the dress off of the rack.

“Umm, why? It’s just going to be us, your sister, and your dad. I would usually wear that when going out to dinner, not staying in.”

“But it would look so pretty and do your hair how you had it last week. Daddy loves when you wear it like that.”

“Aaliyah, what are you up to?” You curiously asked because the last part of her statement threw you off. Since when did she notice that Jack liked your hair like that and why did she care?

“Nothing, just want you to dress up. You haven’t done it in a while and I know how happy it makes you. I’m going to wear my dress that’s similar to this one. Can you put my hair in a high ponytail when I’m ready?”

“Sure baby. Go get ready because they’ll be here soon.”

You took a quick shower and moisturized with your lavender lotion to help calm you down.

Were you actually nervous to be around your ex-husband?

You were staring at the dress that Aaliyah had laid out for you on your bed debating on whether you were going to put it on or not.

A sigh escaped from your lips as you slipped it on along with a pair of your white sandals and proceeded to sit at your vanity to start to do your hair and make up. You were thinking how you had worn it last week and then you suddenly had a realization.

The style was similar to the one that you wore on your wedding day.

As you were finishing up, Aaliyah came into your room wearing a dress similar to yours like she promised, except hers was a light purple.

“Are you ready? Amiyah text me that they’re on their way.”

“Just about, now let me do your hair for you.”

After you finished doing her hair for her, she ran down the steps as she heard the doorbell in order to answer it while you were still trying to calm your nerves.

“MOMMY! COME ON! WE’RE HUNGRY!” You heard Amiyah yell from downstairs and decided that it was now or never.

You walked downstairs to see Jack also dressed up in a similar outfit that he wore on your first date and simply eyed your daughters who had the biggest smiles on their faces.

“I-... they made you dress up too?” You asked while looking at him and took everything in you to not hop on him right then and there.

You were done with not being honest with yourself. 

You missed your ex-husband. 

“Amiyah wouldn’t let me leave the house until I did. She actually made me change my outfit because I was wearing something else before.”

“Well, you look nice.”

Actually he looked fine as fuck, but you didn’t want to say that in front of the girls. 

“And so do you. Love when you do your hair like that.”

“I told you, mommy!” Aaliyah whispered to you and you simply smiled.

“Okay, now that we’re all here, follow us.”

“What in the world are you two up to?” Jack asked as both of you followed them to the backyard where you saw Sunni and Urban also dressed up.

“Welcome to Vincezo’s de la Harlow! Your servers tonight will be Uncle Sunni and Uncle Urban! We have a four-course meal ready for you! Have a seat at the table and we’ll bring out your drinks. We know daddy doesn’t drink alcohol, so I hope sparkling water is okay.”

Both of your jaws were on the floor.

“Go on! Don’t just stand there, sit down!” Amiyah said while smiling at her parents.

The two of you walked over to the table and Jack pulled out your chair for you before going to sit across from you.

“Uhhh Urban, Sunni? What did my daughters threaten you with to make you do this?” You asked while looking over at both of them.

“Uh, nothing. They just wanted our help.” Urban answered you while trying not to mention the fact that they knew that he and Sunni had known about Jack’s cheating ways and didn’t say anything to you. 

“You seriously recreated our first date?” Jack asked while looking around at the decorations around the backyard.

“This was all them, they came up with the plan and simply asked for our help.” Sunni added while shrugging.

Amiyah came and sat two glasses filled with sparkling water in front of each of you before Urban and Sunni went back in the house which you assumed was to get the food.

“When in the world did they have time to do this? This was happening in my backyard and I literally heard nothing.”

“They probably did it while you were at the boutique earlier.”

Just then Sunni placed a plate of fried mozzarella between the two of you.

Same thing that you had on your first date.

“Wait, Sunni did you actually make this or?”

“Y/N, come on. Since when do I cook? This actually is from Vincenzo’s so the two of you won’t be poisoned by my lack of cooking skills.”

“I was just curious.” You said while holding up your hands in defense. 

When Sunni walked away, it left the two of you alone.

It wasn’t an awkward silence, but you were wishing that Jack would say something.

“I now see that they’ve been planning this for months.”

“Planning what?”

“They want us back together. Did you notice that they’ve been wanting to spend more time with us? I think this is the most time we’ve spent together since before we were divorced.” Jack said while reaching for another piece of fried mozzarella. 

“And the time where Aaliyah had a temper tantrum because she missed you? Movie night? Then probably purposely not setting their alarms to spend the day with us? It makes sense.”

“Aaliyah told me that you showed her our wedding pictures not too long ago.”

“I did. And that was actually the first time that I’ve looked at them in ten years.”

“I would’ve thought that you would have put it in a place where you knew that you would forget about them.”

“Why? Why would I do that?”

“Don’t you regret marrying me?”

“No, not even for a second. That thought has NEVER crossed my mind. Besides giving me my two beautiful girls, I’m still very thankful to have been married to you.”

“That feels good to hear you say.”

“Despite what happened and why it ended, there should be no doubt in your mind how much I love you and how much I care about you still. That just doesn’t go away overnight.”

“And apparently it doesn’t go away in ten years either. But we’ve done a good job with co-parenting them.”

“I agree.”

“Wait, did you say you love me and care about me? Like present tense?” Jack asked suddenly, having a realization of what you had just said.

You simply nodded.

“You do not know how hard it was for me to file for divorce. I found out that I was pregnant and my mind was on overdrive. At that time, I didn’t think that I would regret it.”

“How do you feel about it now?”

“Before Aaliyah came in and saw the wedding pictures, I was looking at them and crying and thinking to myself where did I go wrong to have you cheat on me?”

“No, absolutely not. You didn’t do anything wrong. Don’t ever think that. I was just so wrapped up in focusing on myself, I forgot what was really important and that was you. I regret doing that every single day. All I ever wanted was for you to find somewhere in your heart to forgive me for treating you like that.”

“But I have forgiven you. I forgave you a long time ago because it was not doing me any good to hold onto that hurt. The best thing for me was to move on.”

“But you haven’t moved on, neither of us have.”

“Because I knew deep down that I couldn’t imagine myself being married to anyone else.”

After the two of you had finished dessert, you were simply looking up at the stars that were covering the sky and sighed to yourself.

“I have to ask…” You heard Jack say and you looked over at him to give him your full attention.

“Ask, what?”

“Could we maybe go out on an actual date? Without our girls around? You said that you forgave me for what I did, so I’m asking for a second chance.”

Taglist:

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[thowawayuntilfurthernotice]

So you're just gonna flat out ignore any evidence that doesn't suit your narrative. Such as the painfully obvious fact that the older videos had more time to accumulate views, such as the season 1 premier that has twice as many views as the season 2 premier because it was around for TWICE as long? Or that Exes and Oohs and Unhappy campers are quickly catching up to the Circus in terms of views?

Okay cool, thanks for letting me know that you're just a stubborn contrarian who's got their head crammed so far up their own ass that they're completely disconnected from reality.

What evidence? You pulled a bunch of fake statistics out of your ass and acted like that was the ultimate "gotcha."

Also, I'm the one who's disconnected from reality? That's funny coming from someone who is going out of their way to rabidly defend an internet show from online strangers.

Let me let you in on a little secret, I don't give a shit if you're a fan of Viv and her shows, you can yell at me all you want, my opinions aren't changing.

It's funny, I've seen so many people talk shit about popular shows online (I mean let's face it, that's pretty much 99% of the internet these days.) but none of those people come close to getting as much hate as Viv's critics.

I swear, I can write an entire book that details my frustrations with the Star Wars sequel trilogy, and everyone would just shrug that off. But the second I criticize Viv and her shows, the fans will come out of the woodwork in droves to send me hate.

Don't you ever get tired? I mean, if you enjoy Helluva Boss, then why should it matter what I think?

[cheap-jumpscare]

ranting abt being kanade yoisaki.... if ur uncomfy with doubles, scroll away !!!!!!!1

raghhhhh i need white hair and my hair needs 2 be straight n long...... sighs. i already have blue eyes n im already extremely pale so thumbs up but ugh. i shld be skinnier too and that is related :|

i cant tell if im fickin or not but i rlly do wish i looked like. me? ive even always ACTED like me. im just. Kanade Yoisaki. this is the one "just like me fr.." character that's been CONSISTENT.

i was watching a video essay my meowtual Vriska made and SIGHS yeah. its >here< btw pls watch it. very good art and a very cool survey !!

^ but in relation to that I had a mini realization sorta. if i am a kanade fictionkin then i AM just Kanade. there would be no seperation between me and Kanade Yoisaki. if i AM fictionkind then I wouldn't be a "kanade kinnie" id BE kanade. just like how Vriska's whole video is about how fickind tend to suppress their identity to be more palatable. its just so hard to figure out if i AM fickindddd :|

and even then i dont feel like id be exactly like 'canon' me. id be different. id have several traits and such that i always have said I 'headcanon' Kanade with. maybe thats just me bein a bit Sillymode but urghfghg.

im just like i am in the game. i dont go outside regularly because the sun hurts my eyes, bright lights in general suck (though this may just be because my eyes are a lighter color- qwant it its weird), im very serious about music and i do believe it CAN save people, im not very good at personal hygiene and yet inexplicably im considered ~generally~ attractive by, at the very least, my parents. I've mentioned all that before, though. Plus preferring online school.

another thing i want to say bc i feel like it. everytime i see anyone else who's also a character i Am (ex, someone else who's Kanade) i dont ever get bothered. bc my brain rationalizes it through 'multiverse theory.' TL;DR 'doubles' dont bother me because i believe in infinite alternate realities and that if someone else is also kanade then they're just a kanade from an alternate reality. does that make sense?

i still feel a disconnect between the kanade in prosekai and myself- the kanade i am. enough to where i can refer to her in the 3rd person comfortably. im not the same as her. there's differences, I can feel them. ill just refer to Kanade in the game as 'canon!kana'/'canon!me' because that's easiest;

the biggest difference between us is that, well, canon!me is human. she also isn't explicitly trans in any direction, and is also a hard worker. all of that is stuff that doesnt apply. im trans- im queer in every sense of the word. every inch of my identity is a little weird, a little 'out of the norm.' No part of me can be easily described to a lot of people. I do know, thankfully, that people in the real world can be accepting. My Nana supports xenogenders and she's in her early 70s. Granted, I am her main source of information on neurodivergency and queer identity, but I'm able to unbiasedly explain terms and gently guide her in the right direction. I would feel safe in admitting I am not human, and do not like physically being so. I'm lazy- admittedly due to depressive symptoms, but I do not like work. I generally just hate having to do physical activity- even just in-general work. The reason I'm almost-failing all of my classes in highschool is because I hate working for more than a few minutes at a time, especially consecutively.

Of course, I will say I am not a person who really experiences delusions. That isn't to say those who do are lesser or that I'm better- it's just a simple fact. I specify that because this is the 'piss on the poor' website. I can seperate my physical body right now as I physically am from my possible fictionkinnity- at this current moment I am (at the very least biologically) not a shapeshifter like I often call myself. I am human, I am biologically a perisex female, etc. I don't like to see myself like that. I am Uta, yes. But Uta isn't a human. Uta is Kanade Yoisaki. Uta is a shapeshifter. In some way or another, I am nonhuman- or otherwise 'different.' I always have been.

idk. im just kanade. i dont properly know what i mean by it, other than. well. I Am Kanade. and that's really all there is to it.lon

[andromedasummer]

Over a third of the way through The Whispering Skull heres my current thoughts

- If I were Lockwood and Lucy I would be a little bit mad about George missing the whole "area theyre searching was an execution ground for criminals" thing but also I feel like it's the first clear sign we get that something is off with George. Like hes burnt out. Hes tired. Hes just a teenager. They all are and theyre working adult jobs and literally dont have the capacity or past experience to communicate with one another. Very realistic for teenagers.

- I love Kipps so much I love how full of himself he is I love how pathetic he comes across even when he gets the upper hand I cannot wait to see him and his team get cut down to size.

- That being said I would have thrown down then and there had I been struck with a Mag Flare like that. better ways to go about ghosts, its dangerous as shit, badly damaged L&C's clothes and perfectly shows that the Fitts agency arent really trained in a people-first way. The way they put pressure on their teams to secure a source above all and encourage hostility towards other agents.... Super telling about management and an early warning sign to me. Esp with what we know happens to Ned Shaw (which i'll have a lot to say about later when it happens) and Kat, Bobby and Kipps v trauma.

- I liked Joplin a lot when I read the books as a kid + my reread 2 years back but now... idk. Too reckless, esp with how he treats ghosts when in the company of teenagers and children. Hate how comfortable all the adults in this world are about putting children at risk. They really treat them as a resource or rather than anything else.

- The skull is such a fucking shit stirrer which again makes so much damn sense when you learn hes a teenager whose been stuck with no one to talk to in a jar for like a hundred+ years. Of course you're trying to push apart Lockwood and Lucy. You are a fucked up ex-cultist teenage boy who finally found someone to talk to and are perpetually stuck in your teenage brain and hormones. You are So Jealous.

- Lucy, George and Lockwoods argument about the Georges recklessness and then The Skull seeding distrust again drives home my point about communication but also Christ these kids need more friends. Their entire childhood and teen years are stripped from them. They have no family to talk to or guide them. No non-work friends their age to vent to. Immense trauma and no one to help them through it.

- Jonathan Stroud give me a follow up series following the team in their mid twenties coping with having their lives dedicated to a job they literally cannot do anymore and the repercussions of no education and no safety nets for agents once they reach adulthood. What do they do? Where do they work? Where do they go? How do they afford to live? What happens to agents who only built relationships with coworkers they cant even face because of trauma? Agents disconnected with their families? Nightwatch kids whose education was ruined because their days were spent recovering from their shifts? I need to know.

- Okay back to the book the ghost cult stuff hits so much harder in a post-covid world. I was there getting harassed by anti vaxxers when they invaded parliament for a month and it ended in violence. of course in times of fear people become vulnerable to misinformation. You Are Not Immune To Cults. Or Propaganda. Again, spin-off following the people who try to fight those who profit off of peoples fear and build wealth and followings off of it. Theres so much interesting stuff in this world I want to explore.

- Kipps and Lockwoods teams having to work together bcos of Barnes is so good. I love Kipps team so much I love seeing them

- Kat Godwin is autistic and I know this. Because I am Autistic. Also she comes off as someone who has shut down to everything around her because, again. trauma of her work. at 16 theres no way she hasnt been through something similar to Lucy or Lockwood. I'm sad we see less of her after book three. same with Bobby.

- Now I want to write a hyper empathetic autistic lucy/low empathy autistic kat fic where they both realize they have a lot in common with their Talents and work and bond it doesnt even have to be romantic i just want to see more of Kat

- A LSO i need lucy to have more female friends for the love of god i understand this is your pick me phase of your teens but it makes me so sad to see your internalized misogyny even though it ABSOLUTELY makes sense for her character and is so common for teen girls like her but the way she talks about sensitives and every other female operative she meets. girl. who are you trying to impress rn. you dont need to.

- Ned Shaw getting the shit kicked out of him by Lockwood DESERVED.

- I love this little nightwatch boy who helps the team with all my heart. what is his name. my son. hes such a little cunt.

- FLO TIME FLO TIME i am so excited to see Flo you people DO NOT UNDERSTAND shes so fucking cool mudlarkers are so fucking cool fuck you if you hate flo this is a flo bones appreciation zone

- obligatory "i miss holly" comment even though. she hasnt been introduced yet and wont be until the next book. i love gay people okay.

- Anyway I'm enjoying this a lot I said TWS isnt my fav book (mostly the stuff later on in the book isn't as compelling to me) but this stuff at the start rules. I didn't expect to write so much. Im having so much fun.

[callahanisms]

Girls Like Me Pretend (We Don't Cry)

word count: 2.4k words

alternative link: 🕷️🕸️🫀

synopsis: it's been six months after the events of spiderverse. spider-ling is finally readjusting well to the massive shift in her canon. she believes she's ready to move on, until she sees a familiar face at work.

part 2 | part 3 | part 4

My name is Emma Charoensuk-Hua. And for the past six years, I’ve been the one and only Spider-Ling. My life has been quite complicated. Found out my father was a Master of the Mystic Arts when I was 15. And also that we have like a family feud with this other family for over a millennia. I became a Master of the Mystic Arts and embraced my, supposed, destiny as a sorceress and became Doctor Strange’s apprentice, after the death of my father. He wasn’t around a lot, but I still cared for him. Of course, everything has to go wrong in that my ex decides to try to sacrifice my whole universe so his patron could conquer the multiverse. And I tapped into my Inner Power when I wasn’t ready. It was going to kill me, so Doctor Strange did the only thing he could do: take it out. I came out magicless and wandered around life, obsessed with my coursework. Well, not entirely magicless. I’m still able to do spells, study magic. I just can’t perform anything complicated. And I’m disconnected from my ancestors. So that…sucks. Then of course, the story goes as is. Get bitten by a radioactive spider at 21, learn about heroism, with great power comes great responsibility, yada, yada, yada. So yeah, I became Spider-Ling. Pissed off lots of politicians, do some mutual aid on the weekends. I also got my degrees and a PhD. And I work at OSCORP as a researcher. Oh! I got married! Then divorced. I don’t wanna talk about it. Who ever does? I’ve lost people, lost things along the way. But I’m Spider-Ling because apparently, that’s what the universe wanted from me.

Manhattan — Earth-728

Her hand slammed down hard on the alarm clock, causing it to break. She sat up, hair messy, and rubbed her eyes. “Fuck…” Emma would need to go buy a new alarm clock on the way back or during her lunch break. She slowly crawls out of bed and shuffles to the bathroom where she does her morning routine before getting dressed. Checking that she had everything in her work bag, she leaves her apartment and heads straight to the local bakery to buy herself a steamed bun. The conversation she has with the cashier is brief since she was in a rush to get to work. Once out, Emma checks her phone and the traffic. “Trains are down. Guess I have to find another way around the city.”

She’s mastered the art of changing into her suit by now, able to do it in a quick and easy manner. With her mask on, bag strapped, and bun steaming hot, Spider-Ling takes to the city early in the morning. Besides, swinging around this early was also good for a small morning patrol where she would catch up with some people if she had time. But there was also nothing like starting a morning by flying through the city while eating her bun. There was a certain freedom that came with it, though she tried hard not to swing every single morning. She reached the OSCORP building faster than she ever could on the train and fell into an empty alleyway to change out of her suit and back into her work clothes. She discards the bag her bun was in into the garbage and walks into OSCORP, swiping in. “Morning Emma.” Chester, the security guard, says. “Got a busy day?”

“It’s always busy at OSCORP.” She salutes him as she gets on the escalator. The geneticist makes her way to the elevator and presses down on the 55 button. When the elevator stops and the doors open, she leaves and is met immediately with her supervisor.

“Ah! Emma!” Cynthia pushes up her glasses. “Just in time! There’s coffee and bagels in the conference room. Get your ass in a seat.”

Emma didn’t question it. It was common for them to have meetings anyways. So she went straight to the conference room and sat down next to Shin. “Had a good weekend?” He asks.

She grabs a plain bagel and bites into it. The bun was delicious but that definitely was not enough to sustain her for the rest of the day, especially if she was going to patrol and do her Spider-Ling duties. “Busy. Like usual.” She says, hand covering her mouth while she chews. “What did you do?”

“Had dinner with a friend. Went on a date. Was not so great. Nothing really is better than—”

“Shin, let it go. It didn’t work out and that’s alright.”

“You just don’t like my uncle.”

“Your uncle is a Japanese nationalist. I’m Taiwanese. Put the pieces together yourself.” Emma takes another bite as Cynthia walks in.

“Okay. Happy Monday everyone.” The entire subdivision groaned. “Yeah, yeah. I get it. So before we do a debriefing for what corporate wants us to do for the week, some introductions are in order.” Everyone looks at each other curiously, while Emma continues to eat her bagel. “I’d like to introduce everyone to our newest member of the division. He just transferred from our branch in Mexico City and worked at Alchemax for six years before joining the better company. So, here is Dr. Miguel O’Hara!”

Emma felt herself almost choke on her bagel seeing who walked in. Her Spider Sense went off like crazy, even if the man who had walked into the conference room meant no harm. He posed no threat to her and yet, her anxiety spiked through the roof of the OSCORP building. “Hi everyone.” Miguel smiles widely, eyes sparkling a little. “I look forward to working with you all.” When his eyes travel to her, Emma feels as if he’s looking into her soul. It was…so strange to see Miguel in her dimension. She didn’t even know her dimension had a Miguel. Did the other Miguel know? He looked so different. He was just as big as the Miguel she knew but his posture was a little more slouched. His eyes were warm and brown and he lacked bags under his eyes. It appeared as if his life was put together and he didn’t cause a whole universe to collapse. She also took in his outfit: a blue button down, tan slacks, dark brown Oxfords, and a white lab coat. She could see his OSCORP I.D. card, attached to the standard blue lanyard with white font. He didn’t look like he worked at OSCORP. Then again, they all dressed like that during their first week until Cynthia told them she didn’t care and to only dress formally when corporate came to observe them.

“Emma will show you around once we’re done with the meeting.” Cynthia begins her debriefing on the week’s activities.

Once the meeting is wrapped up, Emma leaves the room and rushes to her office, setting her things down and finishing her bagel. Her Spider Sense goes off again and she turns around, grabbing the nearest thing to throw (in this case, her pen holder). “Whoa! Lo siento.” Miguel holds his hands up in surrender. “Did I scare you?”

She sighs, setting the pen holder down. Her Spider Sense continues to tingle. “Sorry. Rough morning.”

“No worries.” He smiles, putting his hands down. “You have, like, a sixth sense or something? Your back was turned and I don’t think I made too much noise.”

“Ummm…I guess you can say that.” She pulls out her headphones from her bag and sets it on her desk. “I can, um, give you that tour now?”

“That would be awesome.” His smile is so bright that it kind of hurts her eyes. He looks so…happy. And innocent, in comparison to the other Miguel.

Emma shows him around the floor, taking him to the lab and even telling him where the good printers are (not on their floor). It’s a quick tour and she debriefs him about some of the stuff they’ve been working on. She doesn’t notice the little look of admiration in his eyes. She spoke eloquently and carried herself with confidence, even if she looked a little worn out. (Then again, everyone did) His eyes may have wandered a little further down than necessary. But he was subtle and he wasn’t going to lie about her appearance. After the tour, Emma returns to her office. She puts her headphones on and begins working, writing on the reports and editing some of the papers with her name attached to it. She makes her edits and occasionally leaves her office to grab something to drink.

From his cubicle, Miguel watches her. He glances her way, seeing how hard she was working and moves his gaze elsewhere when she glances at him. Of course, his staring doesn’t go unnoticed by the man sitting next to him. “You might want to dial back on the ogling. We have work to do.” Shin crosses his arms as he leans against the cubicle.

“Is she going out with anyone?” He looks up at his colleague.

“Are you thinking about asking her out?” He scoffs. “You shouldn’t. She’s such a workaholic.”

“So…that’s a yes then?”

“What? No! I mean, yes. She’s single…I think.”

“You sound like you have dated her.”

“I mean, we did date for a bit.” Shin sounds smug.

“But you guys aren’t together. So that means it didn’t work.” Miguel has a small smile on his face, thinking about the fact that he could date her right now. Technically. He didn’t really know Shin. So it wasn’t really breaking bro code.

“I wouldn’t say it didn’t work. She just doesn’t like my uncle.”

“Are you Japanese?”

“...Yes. I don’t see why that matters.”

“And what’s her ethnicity?”

“Taiwanese. And Thai.”

Miguel raises his eyebrows. “I think it spells itself out.”

Shin was baffled. Too baffled to speak actually. He just returns to his cubicle and continues working. About an hour or two passes and the new transfer finally stops admiring the woman in the office from a distance and actually does his work. But he soon found that he needed to make copies of something. Miguel quickly found out that the copier on their floor doesn’t work. But he should’ve remembered that from the tour earlier today. It did make for a great excuse to visit her though!

Emma’s Spider Sense tingles a little and she looks away from her computer. She sees Miguel’s hand against the glass, which meant he had knocked. Or was knocking to get her attention. She beckons him inside and slides her headphones down to her neck, pausing the music. “M-Miguel. What can I, um, do for you?”

“I was hoping you could show me where to print? Well, I need to make copies and the copier isn’t working.” He smiles.

“Come on.” She puts her computer to sleep and leads him to the elevator, tapping her ID against the scanner and pressing the button with the floor number five above them.

“Why are we going to the 60th floor?”

“They have the best paper and the ink is always available. It’s because that’s where, like, the upper echelon of OSCORP office employees work.”

“You know quite a bit. Have any friends up there?”

“Used to. She got transferred to a…different division. Elsewhere in the world.” She sighs.

It’s awkward for a moment before Miguel asks her a question. “How long have you worked at OSCORP?”

“Do I count the time I worked as an intern?”

“I guess. Does it add much?”

“Only a year. I’ve been working here since…god, since I was twenty-one. So six years?”

“That’s a long time, especially for someone of your age.”

“I am pretty old.”

Miguel laughs. “You’re nowhere near old.”

“Why? Are you like way older?”

“I’m only thirty-two.”

“That’s not bad. You’re only five years older than me.” Emma exits the elevator with Miguel when they arrive at the desired floor. “How long have you been working at OSCORP?”

“Three years, give or take. I spent my twenties with Alchemax instead. I’m the one that developed an alternative and cheaper medication to Sickle Cell.”

“Oh. Alchemax.” She lets out a small nervous laugh. He pouted on the inside seeing her not react to his little brag.

“Have you heard of it?”

“Of course I have.” She opens the printing room with her keys and turns on the light. Miguel closes the door behind them as she fires up the printer and copy machine. “They’re our biggest competitor. And they rejected my many job proposals because I was overqualified.” She scoffs.

“Soft spot?” He asks while copying his papers.

“Guess you can say that.”

Miguel spends the rest of the time observing her. Even if she was standing idly by, waiting for him to finish. Their silence is comforting, a little bit. He enjoyed the silence. On the other hand, Emma wasn’t used to it. She was still on edge, her Spider Sense tingling in the back of her mind. It wasn’t Miguel. There wasn’t any danger. So why did it feel like she was in danger? When he is done, the two of them return to their floor and return to work. After another hour, their lunch break hits. Miguel quickly packs up so he could try to catch Emma for lunch. Except he doesn’t find her in the office. He feels a little disappointed, walking to the elevator. His face brightens upon seeing her in the elevator. Except she has her headphones on and is looking at her phone. He runs to the elevator, trying to beat the doors, but they close and the elevator descends.

Miguel returns to the office, having eaten a good meal. Halal food was really good and it reminded him of home, going to street vendors and buying his lunch from local people. He even stopped by a modern Mexican joint and bought some horchata. ($8 for a large was…too expensive) It tasted alright and he knew he could make a better one at home. When he gets to his cubicle, he sees a flash of red pass by Emma’s office window. He’s only read about the superheroes that protect New York City. But the red blur had him presuming it was the smaller and more experienced hero: Spider-Ling. About five minutes after that, Emma emerges from the elevator, headphones on. She was busy eating an empanada, and stopped in her tracks when she was approached by Miguel. “I missed you earlier.” He says.

She pulls down her headphones. “Sorry. Had to rush out. I was busy during my lunch break so I only got something small.” She presents him with the bag. “I’m already full though.”

“Are you sure?”

“Mhm.” She nods. “Wait…do you like olives in your empanadas or no?” He shrugs. She gives him her last empanada. “They’re pretty good.”

“You’re going to have to tell me where I can get these.”

Emma laughs nervously. “We’ll see.”

[sequinsmile-x]

Oizys - Part 2

Part 1

He never brought it up unless she did, small details emerging every now and again, usually after nightmares she would have once let him believe were about a cold floor in Boston, not the lumpy ground of the woods in Utah more than half a lifetime ago.

-x-

Hi friends!

This was only ever supposed to be a one shot, but I had an idea for a follow up and in classic Vic fashion it would not leave me alone so here we are. You definitely need to read part 1 for this to make sense!

I would like to dedicate this to @sapphoe-sun, who allows me to torment her with fics like this at my will. I'd apologise, but we both know I absolutely would not mean it <3

-x-

Words: 4.5k

Warnings: Troubled teen industry, implied/referenced abuse (nothing different to what would be mentioned in canon), trauma/PTSD

Read over on Ao3, or below the cut

Emily smiles as she gets out of the car, something in her chest easing as she walks towards Jess’s front door, excitement at seeing her children for the first time in a few days flooding through her system. Whilst she didn’t work for the BAU anymore, a decision she and Aaron had made a few months ago, she still helped out with cases when the team needed her. They’d spent the last few days in Ohio, the distance between her and her children feeling like she was on a different continent not just a couple of states away, and she was excited to be home. 

Around rounds the car and places his arm around her shoulders. He drops a kiss on the top of her head as they step onto Jess’s porch and Emily rings the doorbell. 

“I was thinking we should go to the zoo this weekend?” He says, and Emily tilts her head to look at him, “Vi loves the polar bear, Jack loves the lions. It’s one of the few places we can keep them both entertained.” 

Emily chuckles and nods, “That sounds like a good idea,” she says, the thought of an uninterrupted day with her family making warmth buzz in her veins, “We may have to carry Vi away from the polar bear though, she thinks he’s her best friend.” 

He laughs but any further conversation is cut off as Jess’s front door opens and he watches as something close to surprise flashes across his ex-sister-in-laws face, causing concern to spark in his stomach. 

“Oh, hi,” Jess says, leaning against the doorframe, smiling as she looks at Emily, “If you’re here for the kids they aren’t here,” she says, and both of their smiles slip from their faces, “Your mom came to get them a couple of hours ago, she said she wanted to take them for dinner and she’d let you know.” 

Any relief Emily had felt as they approached the house was now gone, her chest tighter by the second, “No,” she says, disconnecting herself from Aaron as she digs through her purse for her phone, her stomach twisting when she sees she has no new notifications, no texts or missed calls, “She didn’t call.” 

Anxiety spreads through her veins like wildfire, destroying everything in its wake as her brain fills with worse-case scenarios that she knows are ridiculous but she can’t shake off, all of them finding places to hide in her lungs making it impossible for her to take a deep breath. She hated her mother having the kids by herself even when it was a planned thing, every minute an eternity until she saw her children again, but this was worse. The thought that she had no idea where they were enough to make her choke. She sees flashes of the wilderness as she blinks, a familiar chill she’d never been able to shake crawling up her spine, its hand wrapping around her throat. 

She’s brought back to the moment by Aaron’s palm on her lower back, his warmth reaching her even through the material of her shirt, and she snaps out of it. She fixes a smile on her face, one she hopes the other woman can’t see through and clears her throat. Despite her panic, she knows Jess has no idea, that she doesn’t know the depth of Emily’s issues with her mother, and all she would have seen was a grandmother fresh back from an assignment in Europe who wanted to spend time with her grandchildren. 

“She must have just forgotten, We all know how Vi and Jack can talk anyone's ear off,” she says, grateful that by some miracle her voice doesn’t shake. She looks up at Aaron, “We should just go to my mother’s they are probably there by now.”

She turns and walks away without saying goodbye to Jess, something Aaron covers up with a comment she barely hears about how it had been a long few days and that she was tired before he says goodbye for the both of them. Emily is already in the car, her seatbelt fastened and her thumbnail in between her teeth, when Aaron opens the driver's door and climbs in next to her. 

The tension in the car is palpable, the air thick with everything she wants to scream but can’t. It had been eight months since the case that had made her accidentally admit her deepest secret to him and the team, a shared experience with an unsub that had briefly knocked down one of the walls she’d built when she was young. Aaron had been nothing but understanding since then. He agreed to not to her mother about it despite the fact Emily could so clearly see that he wanted to protect her from something that happened years before they had even met. He never brought it up unless she did, small details emerging every now and again, usually after nightmares she would have once let him believe were about a cold floor in Boston, not the lumpy ground of the woods in Utah more than half a lifetime ago. She wishes she’d told him years ago. That she’d set free the part of herself she’d locked up so tightly long before she had, his comfort and his warmth the balm she should have known she needed. 

She can feel his gaze burning into the left side of her face as she purposely stares forward, sure that if she looked at him she’d burst into tears.

“Em-”

“Can we just go?” She asks, cutting him off, her voice harsher than she means it to be. She sighs and places her hand on his knee, squeezing tightly in a silent apology, “Please?” 

There’s a beat of silence and for a moment she worries he’s going to argue with her, but then she hears the click of the key in the ignition followed by the start of the engine. He links one hand with hers and she holds on tightly, needing the connection she still wasn’t entirely sure how to ask for even after all this time. Affection he always seemed to know she needed before she did, always waiting at the sidelines ready to hand it out without being prompted. 

They drive to her mother’s in silence, the only sound the repeated attempts of Emily trying to call her, the phone going to voicemail each time before she hung up without leaving a message before trying again. 

Aaron holds her hand the entire way.

___

“Where the fuck are they?” Emily asks, her arms tight over her chest as they stand in her mother’s driveway after being told by her housekeeper that she wasn’t home yet and that the kids hadn’t been over at all.

“Have you tried calling her again?” Aaron asks, doing everything he can to keep calm himself despite his own anxiety rising. He needed to stay level-headed, something that Emily usually did herself, but the kids were, and always had been, her Achilles heel. The chink in her armour that made a woman who had faced death without blinking the nervous wreck in front of him. 

“I haven’t fucking stopped trying, Aaron,” she shouts, her jaw tight as she grinds her teeth, “How does she not know that she can’t just take them somewhere? Who the fuck does she think she is just disappearing with them?” 

Aaron knows that there isn’t an answer to that, and that whilst there was likely an explanation for all of this, no matter how flimsy, which Elizabeth would deem as a reason. He doesn’t say it though as he watches his wife pace back and forth in front of the house she had once lived in, her nerves shot as she tortures herself with scenarios he knows he won’t be able to talk her out of. The only thing that would calm her down would be seeing Jack and Violet.

He’s about to risk his career by abusing all of the systems he has access to, his phone in his hand to call Penelope to ask her to put out an APB on Elizabeth, when he hears the familiar churn of the front gate. He turns at the same time as Emily and the relief he feels is palpable when he watches Elizabeth’s car pull into the driveway. 

Emily swears she doesn’t have control of her body as she walks towards the car, her legs shaking underneath her as her mother’s driver gets out of the car and opens the back door, lifting Jack out and onto the ground. She takes a breath so deep that it hurts, catching on every rib as she sucks it in when she sees Elizabeth climb out of the car, Violet already in her arms from where she’d removed her from the car seat. She turns away for a moment so the kids can’t see her, and she tries to catch her breath as she wipes her cheeks, pushing away tears of relief that had escaped past her lashline. 

“Mom, Dad!”

She blows out a breath before she turns back to face them as Jack calls for them and she smiles widely, wearing it like a mask, as she crouches down as he runs over. She wraps her arms tightly around him and kisses the side of his head, the smell of his shampoo calming her down.

“Hi honey,” she says, pulling back to look at him, “I missed you.” 

“I missed you too,” he replies, squeezing her once more before he untangles himself from her to hug Aaron. Emily briefly watches the two of them together, before she’s distracted by her daughter. 

“Mama!”

She looks over at her two-year-old and beams, purposely ignoring her mother as she takes Violet from her and pulls her into her arms.

“Hi sweet girl, Mama missed you,” she says, placing repeated kisses against her little girl’s dark hair, “Mama missed you so much.” 

“Grandma took us for pizza,” Jack says, his voice full of excitement, and Emily looks at her mother, her eyes cold whilst neither of her children are looking at her.

“That was nice of her,” Emily says carefully, her eyes locked with Elizabeth’s as she makes her feelings clear despite her choice of words.

“It’s been a while since I’ve seen them so I thought I’d surprise them,” Elizabeth says, and Emily has to suppress a bitter chuckle, creating a lump in her chest that hurts, and she shakes her head. 

“It was a surprise for everyone,” Emily mutters, and Aaron steps closer to her, his hand on her back as he takes Violet from her, kissing the toddler's forehead as he says hello and settles her on the ground simultaneously. 

“Jack,” he says, turning to look at his son, “Take your sister and get in the car,” he pulls his phone out of his pocket, “You can play music on here or watch some of those videos she likes on YouTube if you want.” 

Jack looks back and forth between them, his eyes flicking from Emily and Elizabeth who were in a silent standoff, and Aaron who was still looking at him, and he nods. He reaches out for Violet's hand and starts to lead her to the car. 

“Come on Lettie,” he says, using the nickname only he used for his little sister, “That means the grown-ups have to talk.” 

Violet, mercifully unaware of the awkwardness her brother had picked up on, follows gladly, always happy to be wherever Jack was. The three adults wait until they hear the car door open and then close again, the silence that follows the slam of the door loud and uncomfortable. 

“Where the hell were you?” Emily asks, her anger barely restrained now the anxiety was gone and she knew her children were safe, “You can’t just take them somewhere without telling us.” 

Elizabeth sighs, “I told Jessica where we were going.” 

“I am their mother,” Emily grits out, her hands tight around her arms as she crosses them over her chest, her nails digging in through her shirt, “You need to tell me where they are. Via a phone call, or a text at least.” 

“Emily, you’re being dramatic-”

“I tried to call you,” she says, cutting Elizabeth off, “Dozens of times. Why didn’t you answer your fucking phone?”

If Elizabeth wants to reprimand her for her language she doesn’t, instead she sighs, shaking her head at what she clearly still thinks are dramatics from her daughter. 

“You know what I’m like with my phone, and I thought we’d be here before you.” 

Emily laughs bitterly, well aware of Aaron standing just behind her, “That’s not good enough.” 

Elizabeth crosses her arms over her chest, defensive in a way Emily doesn’t think she deserves to be, “You’re acting like you don’t trust me with them.” 

Emily scoffs, “That’s because I don’t,” she seethes through her teeth, keeping as quiet as she can despite her fury because she knows Jack and Violet are in the car and that no matter how loudly Jack played music on Aaron’s phone, they’d still be able to hear them, “I don’t trust you with them.”

Elizabeth visibly deflates, her arms dropping to her sides, and it only stokes the fire in Emily’s belly. Her mother’s surprise an accelerant to her anger, because the fact she was shocked, that she couldn’t think of one reason why Emily wouldn’t trust her, hurts more than she cares to admit even to herself. 

Anger had always been easier than acknowledging how much power her mother still had over her even now. 

“Emily-”

“Why would I trust you?” She cuts her mother off before she can say anything, not interested in hearing any of it, “I was taken from this house in the middle of the night when I was 16 years old,” she says, pointing at the place she had never quite been able to call home, “I woke up terrified to two men standing at the end of my bed and I thought ‘if I can get Mom’s attention this will be ok,’” she hates how her voice cracks, and she hears Aaron take another step closer to her, “But then I saw you standing at the door, watching it happen.” 

It hangs between them for a moment, the weeks that neither of them had ever spoken about, and she watches as Elizabeth looks past her, her eyes clearly fixed on Aaron, before she looks back at Emily. 

“That was for your own good,” Elizabeth replies carefully, “You were out of control.”

“I was a child. And don’t for one second pretend it was done for anything other than protecting your reputation.” 

If those weeks in the woods had taught Emily anything, it was that she had made the right call not telling her mother that she was pregnant the year before. She knew that her ability to make her own choices would have been pulled out from under her and she would have been sent away. Forced to live in hiding under a shelter built by shame and her mother’s disappointment until she returned 9 months later without a baby, doomed to live as if nothing had happened. 

She hoped that if, god forbid, something similar happened to Violet in the future she would come straight to her. That her daughter would know she was a safe space and always would be, and that she’d hold her hand through it all no matter what her decision would be. 

“Emily,” Elizabeth says, as if speaking to a child, “Why don’t we go inside and talk?” 

“Why?” She asks, “So the neighbours don’t hear? So no one else finds out you send your kid to a behavioural camp when all she wanted was for you to love her,” she says, purposely making her voice louder towards the end of the sentence. “I slept outside for weeks in a crappy tent full of holes and a sleeping bag that was probably older than I was,” she says, wiping a tear away furiously from her cheek, her knuckle rough against her skin, “We were barely allowed to eat. What did I do that deserved that?” 

Elizabeth doesn’t flinch and Emily hates that she can’t tell if thats because she already knew or because she was just so good at never showing how she really felt. She wants to see a reaction across her mother’s face. She wants to see horror, or sadness or guilt. Anything other than the same expression that had always made her want to scream. 

“You were drinking, partying, getting up to all sorts with who knows-”

“I was a teenage girl,” she says, chuckling humourlessly, “It doesn’t take being a profiler to know that all I wanted was your fucking attention,” she feels the fight drain from her and turns to look at Aaron, almost colliding with his chest he was so close now, “Let’s go home.” 

“Emily, you can’t just walk away,” Elizabeth calls after her. 

“Yes I can,” she replies, not even looking back, “I’m done.” 

“You are not a child-”

“Do you want to know what I thought when I didn’t know where you and the kids were?” Emily asks sharply, turning to look at her mother and taking a step back towards her. She waits until Elizabeth nods, and she shakes her head, “I thought you’d taken them somewhere like that.”

This time, horror does sweep over Elizabeth’s face, and jealousy that makes Emily feel guilty swoops through her belly. 

“Emily,” Elizabeth says, shaking her head, “I would never do that to them.” 

She feels something snap inside of her, any control she had over her emotions is gone in an instant. Everything she’d thought ever since those long weeks in the Utah wilderness coming out as she shouts at her mother. 

“Then why did you do it to me?” 

Her words echo around them, the accusation wrapped up as a question rippling outwards in a way Emily isn’t sure will ever stop. She finally tears her gaze away from Elizabeth’s and briefly looks at Aaron before she walks away, the car door opening and shutting quickly. 

Aaron looks up at his mother-in-law and has to remember every promise he has ever made to his wife to stop himself from saying something. He’d stayed silent throughout the argument, well aware that as much as he wanted to intervene Emily did not need him to protect her. She needed him to love her, to comfort her, and that is exactly what he intended to do. 

He stares at Elizabeth, his eyes stern as he stands in place a beat too long before he turns in silence to walk the short distance to the car. When he climbs in Emily is just settling back into her seat after clipping Violet into her car seat in the back and the only sound is a song playing on his phone that was still in Jack’s hand. He starts the car, and drives away, the gate still open from when Elizabeth and the kids had arrived. 

Emily reaches out for his hand and he takes it, squeezing her fingers together in a silent promise that everything would be ok.

___

It’s bedtime before they have a moment alone. 

If he hadn’t known Emily as long as he had, or hadn’t seen her ability to keep up appearances so many times first-hand, he would have been taken aback at how normal she had acted all evening. The switch between baring her scars to her mother outside the house where it had all begun, to helping their kids with homework and bath time with a smile on her face when they could home, was almost jarring. She laughed with Jack as he tried to teach her how to play one of his video games, the little boy unaware that Emily was already very good at it, but acting as if she wasn’t for a moment of mother-son bonding. She paced back and forth in Violet’s bedroom, the toddler half asleep against her shoulder as she demanded another lullaby, her mother’s singing voice one of the few things that could get her to sleep ever since she was a newborn.

He’d always been impressed with his wife’s ability to compartmentalise, even back when she was just a member of his team, but tonight it made him sad. His awareness of where it came from, that it was one of the things she shared with her mother, the woman who had let her down so spectacularly, a kick to the gut. 

They are both sat up in their bed, the door slightly ajar for when Violet inevitably joined them in the night, and their backs against the headboard before Emily says anything. 

“I don’t…I don’t know how to fix this,” she says, her focus on her hands as she rubbed cream into them, something she insisted on doing every evening, “I don’t know if I want to fix this.” 

He turns to look at her, his eyes lingering on her side profile, every bit as breathtaking as she was the day they met and more. She sometimes lamented getting older, her nose scrunched up as she looked at herself critically in the mirror. He thought, and made a point of telling her, that she had never looked more beautiful. Every change to her body, every laugh line on her face, a reminder of the life they shared together. 

He wondered if she hated getting older, if she rubbed cream into her hands that supposedly slowed down ageing, because there was part of her that worried she’d turn into her mother. Something he knows simply isn’t possible. 

“It’s not up to you,” he says, reaching out and tucking her hair behind her ear, smiling softly when she turns to look at him, “I think the ball is firmly in her court, sweetheart.” 

She nods, humming softly before she leans into his side. She sighs as she wraps his arm around her shoulders, his comfort enveloping her in the way she needed it to. 

“She’ll never apologise,” she muses, reaching out for one of his hands, half smiling when she doesn’t miss how he grimaces at the feel of her slippery skin but holds on to her anyway, “Even if she realises what she did was wrong she won’t…and I guess I have to find a way to be ok with that if I want to continue to have a relationship with her.” 

He wants to tell her that they never have to speak to her mother again if she doesn’t want to, but he knows it won’t achieve anything tonight. 

“Well,” he says, hooking his finger under her chin and making her look at him, “you don’t have to  be ok with it tonight. Or even tomorrow,” he leans in and stamps a kiss against her lips, “Or the day after that.”

She chuckles softly, and kisses him once more before pulling away, “Or the day after that?” 

“We can take this at whatever pace you want,” he assures her, “We’ll figure out what you want to do and go from there.” 

She smiles at him, her eyes shining with tears she doesn’t want to shed and she rests her forehead against his for a moment, “I love you.” 

“I love you too,” he says, cupping the back of her head, “Now we should try and get some sleep, we’ll have a little monster in our bed in the early hours of the morning demanding your attention.” 

She chuckles but lightly slaps his chest as they lay down, “Don’t call our daughter a little monster,” she says, and his only response is to pull her into his arms. She curls around his side, seeking out the warmth she would have once thought didn’t exist as she settles down, her head on his shoulder, “The kids love her.” 

He sighs and runs his hand up and down her back, his fingers catching on the notches of her spine, “I know they do,” he says, kissing the top of her head, “And I know whatever you end up deciding will be the right thing.”

She scoffs, unsure how he could be so sure when she felt so adrift, his love for her the liferaft she was desperately clinging onto. “How do you know that?” 

“Because you love them, and you’re the best mom on the planet,” he says, holding her impossibly closer when the praise makes her tense in his arms just like it always did, “You always put them first.” 

She hides her smile into his t-shirt, her eyes closed as she tries to hold off tears. It’s all she’d ever wanted - to be the mother she had craved when she was a kid herself, and she liked to think that’s exactly what she was. She was the one both Jack and Violet sought out when they were sick or upset, just like their father did, and she was the one they both came to when they needed help. She hoped that would continue, that it would change from helping them with homework or opening up a new toy to helping with problems with friends at school and their first love and heartbreak. She always wanted to be the first person they called, that they’d know she would always be there ready and waiting. 

“Let's get some sleep,” she whispers, already being lulled into relaxation by her husband’s hand dragging up and down her back as the exhaustion of the day finally takes over. 

“Love you, sweetheart,” he says, his lips against the top of her head as she gets heavier against him. 

“You too,” she mumbles, her words slurring together. 

He’s still awake, keeping a vigil over Emily, her soft snores filling the room, when Violet sneaks in several hours later, her eyes bleary and her hair a mess as she drags her toy polar bear behind her. If the toddler realises he’s awake she doesn’t acknowledge him, instead walking around the bed and climbing onto it, crawling to her mother’s side. She’s barely laid a hand on her, her tiny fists grasping at her mother’s t-shirt when Emily stirs, turning to face Violet with her eyes half open. 

“Hi Vi,” she mumbles as the little girl lays down next to her, curling up in her mother’s already waiting embrace.

“Mama,” the toddler mutters, already mostly asleep again now she was in Emily’s arms. 

Aaron watches the whole thing with amusement as his wife starts snoring again and he's not sure she was ever fully awake. He settles onto his side and wraps his arms around the two of them, finally allowing himself to drift off to sleep, safe in the knowledge that whatever happened next, they’d all be ok because they had each other. 

-x-

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[ash-and-books]

Rating: 2/5

Book Blurb:

Every ten years in the strange little town of Lennon, California, one person is chosen to return from the dead…

Wilson Moss entered the town’s top-secret contest in the hopes of resurrecting her ex-best friend Annie LeBlanc, but that doesn’t mean she thought she’d actually win. Now Annie’s back and Wil’s ecstatic—does it even really matter that Annie ghosted her a year before she died…?

But like any contest, there are rules, and the town’s resurrected dead can only return for thirty days. When Wil discovers a loophole that means Annie might be able to stay for good, she’s desperate to keep her alive. The potential key? Their third best friend, Ryan. Forget the fact that Ryan openly hates them both, or that she and Wilson have barely spoken since that awkward time they kissed. Wil can put it aside for one month; she just needs to stop thinking about it first.

Because Wil has one summer to permanently put an end to her loneliness—it’s that, or lose her only friends…again. But along the way, she might have to face some difficult truths about Annie’s past and their friendship that, so far, she’s left buried.

Review:

What if you had the chance to bring back someone from the dead for 30 days... and you just happen to bring back your ex best friend who ditched you? Every 10 years in the strange little town of Lennon, CA, there is a contest for one person to bring back one person of their choosing back from the dead for 30 days. Wilson entered her town's contest in hopes of resurrecting her ex-best friend Annie LeBlanc. She never thought she'd win... and when she does Wil cant wait to have her back despite Annie ditching her for a year before she died. Wil is determined to find a loophole to get Annie to stay for good and she needs their other best friend, Ryan, to help. Yet the fact is that Ryan hates them both and she and Wil have barely spoken since the kissed. Ryan and Annie hate each other and can barely stand to be in the same room in each other and the more Wil tries to force them to fix their friendship the more neither wants no part of it. Wil is determined to get both her friends back... but that means facing the difficult truths about Annie's past and their friendship. Can she save her friendship before she's left completely alone? This book had an interesting premise and I liked the idea that for 30 days you could try and fix a relationship or get more time with someone... however I did not enjoy Wil at all. Wil is so insecure and aggravating as a person and honestly I would have ditched her as a friend too and would have been pretty mad if she forced me back for 30 days. Wil grated at my nerves and the more she tried to force her friends to be her friends again was just kind of annoying. Her friends clearly had their own problems and had clearly made decisions that laid out both their reasons for why they did what they did. Like girl, you're telling me you couldn't have made new friends for yourself? While it was a cute idea and the whole lesson of learning to let go and grieve is nice, I honestly just felt so disconnected to the characters and found myself not enjoying the story. While this isn't for me if you like complicated friend dynamics and drama, give this book a go!

Release Date: June 4,2024

Publication/Blog: Ash and Books (ash-and-books.tumblr.com)

*Thanks Netgalley and St. Martin's Press | Wednesday Books for sending me an arc in exchange for an honest review*