#1968 Pam

[ludmilachaibemachado]

Jim Morrison making Pamela Courson “levitate”(1968)🌺🌺🌺

Via @therockarchive on Instagram🌺

[undergroundrockpress]

"Mother of Voices" - Psychedelic Art by Pam Coultes.

(from"The Seed", Vol. 2, No. 2 - Feb., 1968).

[fredandrieu]

Jean-Yves Mitton Ombrax n° 26 10 mars 1968

[littlequeenies]

Pam Courson backstage 29th June 1968 Community Concourse, San Diego.

Photo by Trullee Fike.

[justforbooks]

Roy Ayers

Jazz-soul vibraphonist and band leader best known for his laid-back summer track Everybody Loves the Sunshine

When Ruby Ayers, a piano teacher, took her five-year-old son Roy to a concert by the Lionel Hampton Big Band in California in 1945, the boy showed so much enthusiasm for the performance that Hampton presented him with his pair of vibe mallets. Roy Ayers, who has died aged 84, would go on to blaze a trail as a vibraphonist, composer, singer and producer.

A genre-bending pioneer of hard bop, funk, neo-soul and acid jazz, Ayers was most famous for his feel-good track Everybody Loves the Sunshine, from the 1976 album of the same name.

He said that the song was recorded at Electric Lady Studios in New York on, naturally, a warm summer’s day. Among those who feature are Debbie Darby (credited as “Chicas”) on vocals and Philip Woo on piano, electric piano and synthesizer. Woo explained that Ayers did not like to work from charts or scores, with the song based around a single chord that the band in the studio then developed.

While it was never released as a single, Everybody Loves the Sunshine’s warm, jazz-soul sound has won it numerous admirers over the past 50 years. As well as being sampled hundreds of times, by artists including Dr Dre and Mary J Blige, the track has also been covered by musicians ranging from D’Angelo to Jamie Cullen.

Perhaps the sheer simplicity of the song’s structure explains its appeal to such a variety of musicians. The hazy chords set up a steady state condition that allows the performer room for manoeuvre. D’Angelo covered the song in sweaty desire; Cullen’s Live in Ibiza version is as light and moreish as your favourite ice-cream; the Robert Glasper Experiment cover is edgy, an exercise in deconstruction. Other notable versions include the electronica-infused track from the DJ Cam Quartet and the modern jazz take of trumpeter Takuya Kuroda.

Ayers was born in the South Park (later South Central) district of Los Angeles, and grew up on Vermont Avenue amid the widely admired Central Avenue jazz scene during the 1940s and 50s, which attracted luminaries such as Eric Dolphy and Charles Mingus. His father, Roy Ayers Sr, worked as a parking attendant and played the trombone. His mother, Ruby, was a piano player and teacher.

He attended Thomas Jefferson high school, sang in the church choir, and played steel guitar and piano in a local band called the Latin Lyrics. He studied music theory at Los Angeles City College, but left before completing his studies to tour as a vibraphone – or vibes – sideman.

His first album, West Coast Vibes (1963), was produced by the British jazz musician and journalist Leonard Feather. He then teamed up with the flautist Herbie Mann, who produced the “groove” based sound of Virgo Vibes (1967) and Stoned Soul Picnic (1968).

Relocating to New York at the start of the 1970s, Ayers formed the jazz-funk ensemble Roy Ayers Ubiquity, recruiting a roster of around 14 musicians. At this time he composed and performed the soundtrack for the blaxploitation film Coffy (1973), starring Pam Grier as a vigilante nurse. The Everybody Loves the Sunshine album was released under the Ubiquity rubric, reaching No 51 on the US Billboard charts, but making no impact on the UK charts.

His 1978 single Get On Up, Get On Down, however, reached No 41 in the UK. He also scored chart success with Don’t Stop the Feeling (1979), which got to No 32 on the US RnB chart and 56 in the UK. The track was featured on the album No Stranger to Love, whose title track was sampled separately by MF Doom and Jill Scott.

Ayers was a regular performer at Ronnie Scott’s jazz club in London during the 80s and his shows there were captured on live albums. Other live recordings include Live at the Montreux Jazz Festival (1972) and Live from West Port Jazz Festival Hamburg (1999). Ayers played at the Glastonbury festival five times, with his last appearance there in 2019.

A tour of Nigeria with Fela Kuti in 1979, and a resulting album, Music of Many Colours (1980), was just one of many fruitful collaborations. Ayers also performed on Whitney Houston’s Love Will Save the Day (1988); with Rick James on Double Trouble (1992); and with Tyler, the Creator on Cherry Bomb (2015).

A soul-funk album, Roy Ayers JID002 (2020), was the brainchild of the producers Adrian Younge and Ali Shaheed Muhammad. The latter was a member of the hip-hop group A Tribe Called Quest, who had sampled Ayers’ Running Away on their track Descriptions of a Fool (1989), and Roy Ayers Ubiquity’s 1974 song Feel Like Makin’ Love on Keep It Rollin’, from their 1993 Midnight Marauders album.

Ayers also collaborated with Erykah Badu on the singer’s second album, Mama’s Gun (2000). The pair recorded a new version of Everybody Loves the Sunshine for what would be Ayers’ final studio album, Mahogany Vibe (2004).

“If I didn’t have music I wouldn’t even want to be here,” Ayers told the Los Angeles Times. “It’s like an escape when there is no escape.”

Ayers married Argerie in 1973. She survives him, as do their children, Mtume and Ayana, a son, Nabil, from a relationship with Louise Braufman, and a granddaughter.

🔔 Roy Edward Ayers Jr, musician and band leader, born 10 September 1940; died 4 March 2025

Daily inspiration. Discover more photos at Just for Books…?

[gatheringbones]

[“When house hunting a few days earlier, two landlords had turned her away on account of her kids. One had said, “We’re pretty strict here. We don’t allow no loud nothing.” The other had told Pam it was against the law for him to put so many children in a two-bedroom apartment, which was the most Pam and Ned could afford. When talking to landlords, Pam had begun subtracting children from her family. She was beginning to wonder what was most responsible for keeping them homeless: her drug conviction from several years back, the fact that Ned was on the run and had no proof of income, their eviction record, their poverty, or their children.

Children caused landlords headache. Fearing street violence, many parents in crime-ridden neighborhoods kept their children locked inside. Children cooped up in small apartments used the curtains for superhero capes; flushed toys down the toilet; and drove up the water bill. They could test positive for lead poisoning, which could bring a pricey abatement order. They could come under the supervision of Child Protective Services, whose caseworkers inspected families’ apartments for unsanitary or dangerous code violations. Teenagers could attract the attention of the police.

It was an old tradition: landlords barring children from their properties. In the competitive postwar housing market of the late 1940s, landlords regularly turned away families with children and evicted tenants who got pregnant. This was evident in letters mothers wrote when applying for public housing. “At present,” one wrote, “I am living in an unheated attic room with a one-year-old baby….Everywhere I go the landlords don’t want children. I also have a ten-year-old boy….I can’t keep him with me because the landlady objects to children. Is there any way that you can help me to get an unfurnished room, apartment, or even an old barn?…I can’t go on living like this because I am on the verge of doing something desperate.” Another mother wrote, “My children are now sick and losing weight….I have tried, begged, and pleaded for a place but [it’s] always ‘too late’ or ‘sorry, no children.’ ” Another wrote, “The lady where I am rooming put two of my children out about three weeks ago and don’t want me to let them come back….If I could get a garage I would take it.”

When Congress passed the Fair Housing Act in 1968, it did not consider families with children a protected class, allowing landlords to continue openly turning them away or evicting them. Some placed costly restrictions on large families, charging “children-damage deposits” in addition to standard rental fees. One Washington, DC, development required tenants with no children to put down a $150 security deposit but charged families with children a $450 deposit plus a monthly surcharge of $50 per child.5 In 1980, HUD commissioned a nationwide study to assess the magnitude of the problem and found that only 1 in 4 rental units was available to families without restrictions. Eight years later, Congress finally outlawed housing discrimination against children and families, but as Pam found out, the practice remained widespread. Families with children were turned away in as many as 7 in 10 housing searches.”]

matthew desmond, from evicted: poverty and profit in the american city, 2016

[diabolus1exmachina]

Plymouth GTX Concept  (1 of 1)

This is the only 1972 Plymouth GTX you’re ever likely to see because it’s the only one that was made. And it wasn’t made by Plymouth, it was made by Gary and Pam Beineke using formerly top secret images from the Chrysler archives. The Plymouth GTX is a muscle car that was produced by the Plymouth division of Chrysler Corporation from 1967 to 1971. It was introduced as a high-performance version of the popular Plymouth Belvedere and was marketed as a “gentleman’s muscle car” with good performance, but with a more luxurious interior and smoother ride than some of its more hard-edged counterparts. When it was introduced the GTX was available in two-door hardtop and convertible body styles and was powered by a 440 cubic inch V8 engine that produced 375 horsepower. It also featured heavy-duty suspension, power brakes, and a floor-mounted four-speed manual transmission as standard equipment.In 1968, the GTX received a facelift and a new optional engine – the legendary 426 cubic inch Hemi V8 that produced 425 horsepower. The Hemi was claimed to be the most powerful engine available in any American production car at the time, and it gave the GTX serious street cred among muscle car enthusiasts.Over the next few years, the GTX continued to evolve with various engine and styling updates. In 1969, the car received a new front-end design and a new optional engine – the 440 Six Pack, which featured three two-barrel carburetors and produced 390 horsepower.In 1970, the GTX received a completely new body style and a revised engine lineup that included the 440 Six Pack and the 426 Hemi, which was now rated at 425 horsepower.

Sadly by the early-1970s it became clear that the muscle car era was coming to an end, and by 1971, rising insurance rates and tightening emissions regulations had taken their toll on the high-performance car market in the United States.

For 1972 the GTX name was relegated to what was essentially only an option package, called the Road Runner GTX. Any Road Runner that was ordered with the 440 V8 received Road Runner GTX badging, and this continued until the model was phased out in 1974, in the dark shadows of the 1973 Oil Crisis.

There were rumors of a potential comeback for the GTX in the late 1990s however a production car never materialized.

The car you see here is the only one of its kind in the world, it’s a 1972 Plymouth GTX but as mentioned further up, it wasn’t actually built by the Chrysler Corporation. Each year the husband and wife team of Gary and Pam Beineke build one car. And not just any car, but a car that previously existed only in the Chrysler archives. They find original drawings and images of planned models that never made it into production, and then they painstakingly build the car themselves. Interestingly this work isn’t their full time job. Gary is an attorney and a registered contractor, and Pam is a registered nurse who works in the operating room. They call the series of cars that they have built “What If’s” – and they do it all on nights and weekends while holding down full time jobs.

The couple first came across the planned 1972 Plymouth GTX when looking over the uncovered archive items discovered by Steve Juliano. This car was designed by John Herlitz and it was far from just a stying exercise, multiple full scale models were made and it did seem for a time as though it would be the successor to the 1971 Plymouth GTX.

Sadly it was not to be. The perfect storm of increasing emissions restrictions and crash safety regulation combined with soaring insurance premiums on muscle cars resulted in demand dropping significantly by the early 1970s.By the time of the 1973 Oil Crisis, with its sky high gasoline prices, automakers were already focusing on smaller and more fuel efficient vehicles. The GTX name did live on for a short time, as part of the aforementioned Road Runner GTX package on 440 V8 equipped cars, but it was killed off as a free standing model after 1971.

Gary and Pam Beineke took it upon themselves to right this wrong. They sourced a 1971 Road Runner and set to work creating the car that Herlitz had designed all those years ago in the late 1960s. They poured over the images of the long destroyed models, and they were able to discuss their work with Herlitz her offered them guidance on what the production ’72 GTX would have looked like.

[frances73]

18 and 19!

hiiiii

18. fav actor?? martin scorsese robert de niro, just because i've watched so many of his films but i also will always watch a shitty pam grier movie from da 70s and love mia farrow's cringe ass acting in the films i've seen of hers

19. movey so bad good?? secret ceremony (1968?) was not very good but i liked it too much, also copkiller is kind of a classic in this genre lolol

[the-reconstructor]

The White Album has always been a controversial album in the Beatles' canon. While some (rightly) hail it as a masterpiece, an album greater than all of its flaws, some are dissatisfied enough with it to suggest that it would have been a better, stronger record had it been confined to a single LP.

I've long disagreed with that stance, and recently managed to finish a project I'd been working on for a long time. What if the White Album was a TRIPLE album?

Single album theorists and their custom tracklists be damned, what if they had used every single song they wrote in 1968 on the album? An even more expansive and insane version of this already massive album. Here's what I ended up with, as seen in a blog post over at The Reconstructor:

THE BEATLES - A DOLL'S HOUSE (1968)

Back in the U.S.S.R. (The White Album) Dear Prudence (The White Album) Glass Onion (The White Album) Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da (Anthology 3) Wild Honey Pie (The White Album) The Continuing Story of Bungalow Bill (The White Album) While My Guitar Gently Weeps (The White Album) Happiness is a Warm Gun (The White Album) Martha My Dear (The White Album) I'm So Tired (The White Album) Piggies (The White Album) Blackbird (The White Album) Rocky Raccoon (The White Album) Don't Pass Me By (Anthology 3) Why Don't We Do It in the Road? (The White Album) I Will (The White Album) Julia (The White Album) Revolution (Past Masters) Circles (The White Album) Maxwell's Silver Hammer (Abbey Road) Child of Nature (The White Album) Teddy Boy (McCartney) What's the New Mary Jane? (Anthology 3) Look at Me (Plastic Ono Band) The Long and Winding Road (Anthology 3) Sour Milk Sea (The White Album) Let it Be (Let it Be) Mean Mr. Mustard (Abbey Road) Polythene Pam (Abbey Road) Junk (McCartney) Not Guilty (The White Album) Hey Jude (Past Masters) Birthday (The White Album) Yer Blues (The White Album) Mother Nature's Son (The White Album) Everybody's Got Something to Hide (The White Album) Sexy Sadie (The White Album) Helter Skelter (The White Album) Long, Long, Long (The White Album) Revolution 1 (The White Album) Honey Pie (The White Album) Savoy Truffle (The White Album) Cry Baby Cry (The White Album) Revolution 9 (The White Album) Good Night (The White Album)

[littlequeenies]

Jim Morrison and Pam are being playful at the opening of 'The Beard' at the Warner Playhouse, California, January 24, 1968. Back to camera is Judy Courson, Pam's sister. (Photo by Max Miller/Fotos International/Getty Images)

Scans from Italian magazine F, 5th November 2014.

[rastronomicals]

8:23 PM EDT March 24, 2024:

Beatles - "Polythene Pam (Kinfauns Home Demo)" From the album Anthology 3 (October 28, 1996)

Last song scrobbled from iTunes at Last.fm

Capitol's attempt at beating the bootleggers. Seven songs recorded by the Beatles at home sessions recorded at Kinfauns, George Harrison's home in Surrey, in May of 1968, were included on Anthology 3. Those 7, and 20 more from the same sessions, had long been available on bootlegs.

[jedivoodoochile]

Jim Morrison & Pam's sister Judy Courson at the Warner Playhouse in Los Angeles, 1968.

[ludmilachaibemachado]

Jim Morrison & Pamela Courson, 1968🌺🌺🌺

Via @sixtiesdaily on Instagram🌺

[soulmusicsongs]

Harmonica Soul in 13 tracks

Harmonica Soul. I found 13 funky tracks featuring the harmonica.

Children Of Today - Chairmen Of The Board (In Session, 1970)

Don't Press Your Luck Woman - Jimmy Reed (Soulin' 1967)

Everlasting Love - Pam Bowie (He’s All I Need / Everlasting Love, 1969)

Every Time I Feel The Spirit - Alice McClarity (One Life, 1968)

Goodie Train - Cleo Page ‎(Leaving Mississippi, 1979)

In The Evening - Big Joe Turner (Turns On The Blues, 1970)

Mailman - Homesick James (Home Sweet Homesick James, 1975)

Onukpa Swapo - Bokoor Band (Bokoor Band, 1978)

Saint James Infirmary - Shelley Fisher (I’ll Leave You (Girl) (For Somebody New) / Saint James Infirmary, 1970)

Straighten Up Baby - Smokey Wilson (Blowin’ Smoke, 1977)

Summertime - George Smith (The Avalon Boogaloo / Summertime, 1966)

Way Back Home - Gladys McFadden & The Loving Sisters (Gospel Soul, 1978)

You Can Be Replaced - Little Sonny (Hard Goin' Up, 1973)

More Harmonica Soul

Harmonica Soul in 16 tracks

Harmonica Solo by Stevie Wonder

Harmonica Soul in 12 tracks

Harmonica Funk in 12 tracks

Funky Harmonica Tracks

Funky Harmonica Top 10

Funky Harmonica

Harmonica Solo by Stevie Wonder

[claudia1829things]

Favorite Costume Movie and Television Productions Set During CHRISTMAS

Below is a list of my favorite costume movie and television productions set during the Christmas holidays. The list is in chronological order:

FAVORITE COSTUME MOVIE AND TELEVISION PRODUCTIONS SET DURING CHRISTMAS

1. "Three Godfathers" (1936) - Richard Boleslawski directed this seventh movie adaptation of Peter B. Kyne's 1913 novel about three bank robbers who become godfathers to a newborn child of a dying mother, after robbing a bank in 19th century Arizona. The movie starred Chester Morris, Lewis Stone and Walter Brennan.

2. "The Lion in the Winter" (1968) - Peter O'Toole and Oscar winner Katherine Hepburn starred in this movie adaptation of James Goldman's 1966 Broadway play about the personal and political conflicts of Henry II of England, his wife Eleanor of Aquitaine, their children and guests during Christmas 1183. Directed by Anthony Harvey, the movie co-starred Anthony Hopkins, Timothy Dalton, John Castle and Nigel Terry.

3. "A Christmas Story" (1983) - Melinda Dillon, Darren McGavin, and Peter Billingsley starred in this acclaimed adaptation of Jean Shepherd's 1966 book, "In God We Trust: All Others Pay Cash". Bob Clark directed.

4. "A Christmas Carol" (1984) - George C. Scott starred as Ebenezer Scrooge in this television adaptation of Charles Dickens' 1843 novella. The television movie was directed by Clive Donner.

5. "Hercule Poirot's Christmas" (1994-1995) - David Suchet starred as Hercule Poirot in this television adaptation of Agatha Christie's 1938 novel in which the Belgian detective investigates the murder of a multi-millionaire during the Christmas holiday. Directed by Edward Bennett, Philip Jackson co-starred.

6. "Nero Wolfe - (1.07) "Christmas Party" (2001) - Maury Chaykin and Timothy Hutton starred in this adaptation of Rex Stout's 1957 novella, "The Christmas-Party Murder", about detective Nero Wolfe and his assistant Archie Goodwin's investigation of wealthy furniture designer's murder at a Christmas party. Holly Dale directed.

7. "4.50 From Paddington aka What Mrs. McGillicuddy Saw" (2004) - Geraldine McEwan starred in this television adaptation of Agatha Christie's 1957 novel about Miss Jane Marple's investigation of a murder briefly witnessed by an old friend aboard a train. Directed by Andy Wilson, the television movie co-starred John Hannah, Pam Ferris and David Warner.

8. "The Last Tycoon - (1.06) "A Brady-American Christmas" (2017) - This holiday episode was featured in the television adaptation of F. Scott Fitzgerald's 1941 unfinished novel about 1930s Hollywood. Created by Billy Ray, the television series starred Matt Bomer, Lily Collins and Kelsey Grammer.

9. "The Man Who Invented Christmas" (2017) - Dan Stevens starred as Charles Dickens in this movie adaption of Les Standiford's 2008 book about the author's creation of his 1843 novella, "A Christmas Carol". The movie was directed by Bharat Nalluri.

10. "Victoria" - (2.09) "Comfort and Joy" - This holiday episode aired as finale for Season Two of the ITV series, "VICTORIA", which re-counted Queen Victoria's early years on the throne, between 1837 and 1851. Created by Daisy Goodwin, the series starred Jenna Coleman and Tom Hughes as Queen Victoria and Prince Albert.

[heidixhunter]

i don't like your perfect crime, how you laugh when you lie. but i got smarter, i got harder in the nick of time. honey, i rose up from the dead; i do it all the time. i got a list of names, and yours is in red, underlined. i check it once, then i check it twice. oh, look what you made me do.

basics.

name: heidi jean hunter. pronunciation: hi-dee. jeen. hunt-er. meaning: heidi: nobility. jean: god is gracious. birthday: november 3rd. scorpio. age: twenty-eight. pronouns: she + her. sexuality: lesbian. siblings: august cole hunter (26). cora margaret hunter (23). jude seth hunter (20). eloise birdie hunter (18). parents: remy hunter (father). mabel hunter nèe armstrong. other family: hunter and armstrong extended family. languages: english. current residence: london.

wizard fun.

hogwarts house: none. year of graduation: 1968. occupation: in home hospice nurse. pet: betta fish named boo. blood status: muggle. species: human. affiliation: PAM.

appearance.

height: 5’7” hair color: black. eye color: dark brown. typical hair style: short scrunched, afro-like curls. fashion style: stripes. color blocking. mom jeans. mom shorts. converse. slouched shirts. jackets. sleeping in underwear. distinguishing features: her hair. her hair is so big because it’s full of secrets.

personality.

positive traits: + leader + loving + steadfast. negative traits: - obsessive - skeptic - worry-wart. negative/positive: stirs the pot.

quick facts.

oldest of five siblings.

family always was an still is her heart.

two of her siblings, august and cora, have disappeared.

began as a nurse in a hospital. she since switched to in home hospice because she has more control over her schedule and keep up with pam needs.

in denial that there is actually magic. she only care they were a group that caused destruction.

was stella's right hand before she died. since then, the changes in happening within pam are pissing heidi off. she's to the point where she doesn't see any kind of talk changing anything. there should be action.

has a drug routine of pot and xanax to keep her emotions pushed away. she doesn't want to feel because of all the losses the magical world caused her in one night.

theme song.

look what you made me do. taylor swift. spotify to come.

headcanons.

to come.

bio.

born into a normal muggle family heidi jean hunter would always be more than normal. it was obvious she was meant for great things. she was always curious. reached milestones early. she easily played with the neighborhood kids and never missed a day of school. her parents remy and mabel, were proud as they watched her bloom. she was not only caring and lovable she was fiercely loyal.

heidi's family filled her whole heart. the four siblings came one after another: august, cora, jude and eloise joined the hunter clan. heidi grew more and more confident in herself which she extended to the little ones. she wanted to be a good example. she secretly loved when they would scrape their knees or elbows because she could tend to them. band-aids were precious toys to her. and ace bandages were a golden treasure. it was obvious where life would take her. once she completed secondary school, heidi began her journey to become a nurse. before she knew it she had graduated top of her class and became a realized her dream.

heidi quickly got the reputation for the nurse who treated her patients like family, no matter how long her time with them. all she ever wanted to do in life was in front of her. between the hospital and her family, heidi was always on her toes and always winning.

it had been a late night at the hospital. upon leaving, heidi went to the local watering hole where she was very well known. her laugh, the music blaring, small dance moves, hugs that squeezed out any uneasiness and shared drinks with bar buddies were reasons she loved the place. she could decompress. but that all changed in the snap of a finger. the winning ended like that.

shattered and broken glass wasn't only on the floor but also embedded in the skin of the people she called friends. she had injuries herself but needed to take care of the people who got the worst of it: the ones in front of the bar directly next to the windows and bricks. heidi jumped up and ran outside to see two figures standing there one minute and gone in a flash. heidi ignored what she saw – it was something stress induced. she returned to try life saving measures of those around her but so many wonderful humans were gone. they weren't given the opportunity to live -- and for what? loss number one.

she didn’t want to leave those she cared about lying across the floor or struggling to move but she had to check on her family. she looked around the room and whispered “i’m sorry” before leaving, the strained music still playing.

when she got to her parents’ home, heidi discovered their street had been affected but the damage was fairly minimal. the two youngest siblings, jude and eloise, had been staying with their parents at the time. the four of them were in the clear. but what about august and and cora? heidi didn’t know where they were. her heartbreak quickly went to anger. she wanted to scream but a flowing river of emotions meant nothing could come out aside from grinding teeth, clenched fits and tightened muscles. losses two and three.

what heidi saw the night of terror was all wrong. the two figures disappeared in a flash. she didn't hear gunshots. or see a wrecking ball. she didn't hear anything familiar, but the building was utterly destroyed. her scientific mind couldn't understand a "magical world” but whoever they were, heidi would not accept their actions.

when pam was created heidi was first in line to sign up. stella held herself in the perfect way and heidi looked up to her. stella was someone who saw that words in a newspaper weren’t going to fix anything. fixing this issue would take more: more action, more ruthlessness and even more blurring the lines of morality. seeing as she took to stella so fervently it took no time for heidi to become her second in command.

but then stella was killed – loss number four. somehow mona — fucking mona — took the group from heidi’s hands. she hated and resented it and wanted stella back (or anyone with half a brain). why not leave? someone had to stir the pot and remind them of what brought them there in the first place. heidi wouldn’t let them forget that stella was killed for standing up for what they all claimed to believe in. if that wasn’t a reason to keep fighting, she didn’t know what was. she was determined to bring people back around to see what monsters were among them. heidi wouldn't let a "wizarding" community ruin their lives anymore than they already had. she worked to be active and bold.

to deal with the pain of those she’d lost – including pam, loss number five – she began smoking pot and popping xanax to dull her emotions. if she felt it too much, she would crack into a million pieces. as time went on so did her high. it followed her like a ghost; followed like the ghosts of all lost.

this was heidi's life now. for better or worse, this was it. she still wanted to help others and make a difference, but she wasn’t the heidi she once recognized in the mirror. her desires hadn’t changed but life had. regardless she told herself, “come hell or high water i’ll make everything right again.”