#17soi

[fypchan]

@starsonice Tune in! @Investors_Group #StarsOnIce presented by @LindtCanada 2017 airs Jan 2 at 8PM local (8:30 NT) on @CBC with @KurtBrowning @elvisstojko @Pchiddy @tessavirtue & @ScottMoir @J_Butt @kaetlyn_23 @gabby_daleman @mhjd_85 & @Rad85E and @IlyushechkinaL & @DylanMoscovitch! #SOI17

[dezessetesois]

THE FIVE MINUTES OF A LIFELONG PANIC ATTACK the sun sets as bright as the last day of spring should be and the lake is not clean but it still looks so beautiful. i have my favorite people with me, but i still do not feel full. i am not a child. i have traveled seventeen times around the sun now; a know-it-all that does not know a single thing, an exhausted mind that has so much to say but such short knowledge on how to express it, i am volatile and i do not invite oblivion to the coffeetable. i am not a scared little girl, i do not need your ice cream cones of explanations or compliments on how i ride my bike, i do not need your looks nor do i need your attention. i told myself i was strong enough while running as fast as i could to escape something that was stuck inside my own head. i told myself i was more than just a terrified brain, but i keep replaying it in my head as if i was nothing but the moment i realized i weight more than i can carry. i went from a heavy skeleton to wind and shaking hands. why is everyone coming for me? why do i wish for death but fear it? i am the best at self destructive behaviour, but i am also the best at running away from anything that can potentially kill me which is, at least in my head, everything that surrounds my existence. i am seventeen and i am sitting beside this beautiful lake, and i don’t know enough letters to form a word, and my body does not respond. and i am a thousand things, and i am nothing at all, and why is my body not responding? i want to run. and i need to run. and i’ve been running for seventeen years now, and i weep for each time i traveled around the sun, while it sets like a beautiful afternoon of spring, and i am reminded that i am still alive.

[cowumbo-uwu]

What theme di you choose for your blog?

i honestly dont remember the name and i’m not even sure the original creator is still on tumblr. esp since i had to add new code to fix the infinite scroll issue.

but here’s a link to the code for the theme anon:https://justpaste.it/17soi

[dezessetesois]

MY MIND IS A MACHINERY 1. i lost the book i used to write my letters on. it was a small, pretty book, with the handwriting of desperation and the cover of a Brazilian painting. i wrote the very first page with a trembling hand after waking up from an explosion; the alcohol in my blood burning up every bit of my body, carving those nails down my skin to stop myself from calling a man that had nothing to do with the situation. it was july 31st. or at least i think it was. 2. this is something i know for a fact: the last time i saw all those people was on a friday 02h35am, and a thousand of lights blinking in front of my eyes. me, wearing the only dress i've got on my closet them, dancing away the night to forget things they are still not sure it happened, because none of them know what i know. 3. none of them see through eyes made of glass; none of them have a memory box made of steel. surely, none of them know what is like to make movies out of tragedy scenes; to play the same song until the player combusts (it never does), overanalyzing every voice in the back and not being allowed to sing to the chorus because your hands get on your neck faster than the song hits the 1:20 mark, and when it does hit, your lungs are too out of air to let you sing it. 4. there is something wrong about this. well, what would you think? a girl with a sharp teeth and a bottle of water that contains everything but water inside; a girl who is sick of the man asking her about the brown eyed boy who went away, taking long sips while staring at the blue wall across the room, breathing deeply to hear whatever he has to say to her next. 5. death is a subtle, treacherous thing. it has stuck up with me longer than any of my best friends, invading my consciousness and bringing everything i have left to the ground with me; pretending not to notice the girl shrinking to her bones, trying not to get caught by everything that screams "left behind", knowing that facing the void means facing mortality and that the way back is uncertain. 6. maybe that is the reason why i am the first one to raise a voice and the last one to leave the room. i mean, they always told me i was built on fire. 7. if it's about ahead and behind, there is too much movement and there is the quietness of an invisible cage built by my own hands. i don't feel safe in neither of them. 8. i am no van gogh, my mind is a machinery, and i am drowning in my own chaos.

anna luisa golino (17sois)

[fypchan]

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