#15x18 redo

[vaicomcas]

One More Bitter Cas Girl Vent Fic

I fulfilled my promise in my tags and wrote a ficlet to incorporate my own version of Castiel's "confession" for a redo of 15x18. (I did change it a bit to fit the story) Because I can't stand how that confession took everything good Castiel ever did and gave all the credit to Dean Winchester.

This is not a proper fic; it's badly written, it's pure self-indulgence, it's contrived and doesn't make too much sense, but it's my truth. You've been warned.

CW: subverting 15x18. hostile to Dean Winchester. Does not have a happy ending. Cas still sacrificed himself, but at least he was the hero who saved the world and Jack.

This can be considered a companion piece to my other bitter Cas girl vent fic The Miracle that is an alternate explanation of 15x20.

synopsis:

In shock and disillusion from Dean's betrayal Amara let herself be absorbed into Chuck, but in the last moment, she realized she wanted to be free and could use the darkness of the Empty to power herself. If was too late but she transmitted the message to the next celestiel being which happened to be Cas.

Cas used Dean's attack of Billie as opportunity to draw Billie out of her library to the bunker, where Chuck killed Billie. Then Cas summoned the Empty, knowing that Amara could use the Empty to bury Chuck forever. His happiness came from: he let go of his self-hate and asserted his own worth to Dean; he knew that his action would lead to a world without Chuck where Jack will be free.

The Truth

scene 1 is from 15x17 Unity. The other 2 are from 15x18 Despair. Lines from the show are in italics.

---------------------------------------------

Amara

“Sam and Dean, they are using Jack to destroy us.”

Amara knew then already.  But she still didn’t want to believe it.

“No, but…Dean can’t hurt me.”

Chuck looked at his sister with pity.

“No, but he could send you to the meat grinder with a wink and a smile.”

Amara was stunned. 

Dean lied to her.  Dean had looked her in the eye with such sincerity, and told her he could never hurt her.

She had cared about Dean.  She had cared about the world.  She was willing to put her own eternal life on the line to fight God.

Her love meant nothing, less than nothing.  It was turned into a weapon against both her brother and herself.  A disposable weapon at that.

Amara was surprised that it wasn’t anger she felt.  It was exhaustion. Everything in sight exhausted her.  The mildewed walls.  The dented shelves.  The dim lights. 

Every sensation in this world that she had cherished, now felt like an assault on her being.  An ugly, cold, hateful assault that came at her relentlessly.

She was the darkness.  Darkness at the beginning of time.  Darkness without end.  She longed for that all-encompassing darkness now. Away from this ugly deceitful world.

But there was no going back.  She had allowed herself to be entangled with her omnipotent twin.  She had been betrayed, and now she was trapped. 

Chuck said words about balance, about a fresh start.  But she didn’t bother listening. 

When Chuck smiled at her and held out his hand, Amara took it.  And let herself be absorbed into her brother.  What else was left for her?

Yet, in the millisecond before their hands touched, a spark of self-preservation broke through her disillusionment.  No, this was not what she wanted.

 Too late, she realized how she could find her strength.  How she could find her peace.  How she could become herself once again. 

Not how, but where.

She didn’t have time to act with her powerful brother right there.  But in the last microsecond of the last millisecond, she sent out a cloaked message to the nearest celestial being capable of receiving it.

“Take me to eternal darkness, and there will be peace for all of us.”

The nearest celestial being was right next door. 

Castiel didn’t have time to wonder what the message meant.  At that moment, he was preoccupied with Jack’s agony, as cracks of light spread on the Nephilim's face. Then the next moment, his father burst through the door, one eye glowing silver, one eye glowing black.

A sickening realization hit Castiel.  God was so powerful, he was capable of consuming his sister, his equal.  Billie’s plan was never going to work.  They could never have killed God using Jack, using anything that was part of this world, part of God’s creation. 

-----------------

2. Jack

“How are you feeling? You’ve been quiet.”

Cas looked at Jack while they leaned on the Impala, waiting for Sam and Dean.

“How long have you been waiting to ask me that?” 

Jack was expecting it.  He could tell Cas was worried in the few hours of relative peace since he was brought back from the Empty.  Not that Cas showed it.  But Jack could feel it the whole time.

Jack could always feel how Castiel was feeling, even when he was soulless.  Even now, when he had lost his powers.

At his question, Castiel lowered his head and chuckled at himself.  A wave of affection radiated out, as if he was proud of Jack for seeing through him. 

For some reason, it made tears well up in Jack’s eyes.

Jack wanted to confess.  He wanted Cas to know that his pride and affection were misplaced.

“I was ready to die, and I wanted to. For Sam, for Dean, for the world. I wanted to make things right. And now... I don't know why I'm even here.”

Jack’s words hit Castiel like a tsunami of pain.  

Castiel knew this feeling all too well.   He knew what it was like to feel worthless and hopeless.  He had made peace with it.  He thought he deserved it.

With an agonizing horror that pierced his very core, he recognized that Jack had been in the same hell.  It broke Castiel’s heart.  He could never make peace with that. He never will.

He steeled himself to conceal his sorrow.  He turned to Jack, reaching out with his grace, his mind, his voice.  He spoke urgently and forcefully.

“Jack, you never needed absolution from Sam or Dean, or from me.  We don’t care about you because you are useful or because you fit into some grand design.  We care about you because you are you.”

Jack felt Castiel’s wings wrapped around him in the etheric plane, the way Cas embraced him so many times before. He heard Castiel’s heartbeat, sure and strong.  He saw Castiel’s wavelengths, gently illuminating the world for him. 

With his father next to him, he realized, he didn’t want to die.

Jack let his tears fall.  “God, the Empty, Billie…everyone is so mad at us.  There is nothing I can do to protect us.  I am scared.”

Cas put a consoling hand on Jack’s shoulder, not knowing what more to say.  Jack shouldn’t be trying to protect them.  He was supposed to protect Jack. 

How could he do that?  How could he stop the most powerful forces in this universe?  How could they protect Jack from God when they were all part of God’s creation?

Suddenly Castiel’s eyes lit up. Not everything was God’s creation.

He remembered Amara’s message.  “Take me to eternal darkness, and there will be peace for all of us.”  He understood it.

It didn’t matter that he was an insignificant cog of his father’s machinations. It didn’t matter that his power had been failing him.  It didn’t matter that he no longer had any celestial allies left.  There was still something he could do.  And he had to do something, to keep Jack from every kind of harm.  It was his promise.  It would be his happiness.

----------------

3. Cas

The sigil glowed on the door of room 7B.  Death was pounding on the other side of the door.

“She’s gonna get through that door, she’s gonna kill you, then she’s gonna kill me.”  Dean despaired in utter defeat, seeing no way out.

“No.” Castiel said calmly.  “That is not going to happen.  I will not let that happen.”

“Com’on, Cas.”  Dean groaned.  “You need to accept reality.”

Castiel smiled.  “Billie is exactly where I want her.  She is weakened, dying, and you have drawn her away from the library which is a source of her power.”

“I drew her away?  What the hell are you talking about?”

“I knew you’d want to kill Billie.  I knew you didn’t stand a chance, and would have to retreat. And Billie would follow you to the bunker.”

Dean’s face turned stony.  Cas made screwed-up plans behind his back, yet again.  

“You planned this? You are using me as bait?  What’s wrong with you?”

“Dean, I didn’t tell you because I couldn’t risk Billie sensing your thoughts.  I would never endanger you.  Billie can’t kill you.  Chuck-my father- wouldn’t allow it.   I know him, Dean.  You and Sam were always the only ones he was obsessed with.  He still wants you to be his story.  He will always want that.  Billie plotted to kill him.  And now she is trying to kill you.  Chuck wouldn’t let it stand.”

The building shook violently.  The banging on the door stopped.  It sounded like a storm was raging outside the dungeon. 

Castiel heard Billie grunting.  He saw the sigil on the door flickering.  He could feel two cosmic entities clashing.  Their blows sent shock waves pounding on his true form.  He didn’t waver.

“Chuck is here.  He and Death are engaged in battle.”

“And that’s your plan?”  Dean’s shock turned into incredulity, then anger.  “It’s not enough we got one cosmic big bad gunning after us, you want two?”

“I want them to fight each other.”

“That’s a stupid plan!  Whoever wins, they are coming for us next!”

“They will.  And whoever that is, I will destroy them.”

Dean sighed.  “Cas.  You are really losing it.  Even back when you had the power of the purgatory souls inside you, you could never have taken on Death or God.  Now…”

Cas smiled again.  “Now I am just a broken angel with barely any power left.  I know, Dean.”

Cas casted his eyes down, as if preparing a confession.  To accomplish what he has set out to do, he needed to set himself free.

 He returned his gaze to Dean, light of the truth shining in his blue eyes. 

“Dean, I know how you see me. You think I am impulsive, misguided, the reason why things go wrong.  You think I try to be the good guy, but I failed more often than I succeeded.  You think I am only strong when I fight by your side, as your blunt weapon.  I am not. Everything I have ever done, the good and the bad, I did for love.  I raised you and Sam from perdition for love.  I led my angel armies for love. And I made a deal with the Empty for love.”

Dean stared at him, dumbfounded.  “What are you talking about?”.

“When Jack was dying, I made the deal to save him.  The price was my life.  When I experience a moment of true happiness, the Empty would be summoned, and it would take me forever.  The Empty that is eternal darkness.  The Empty that was not created by God, and could be used against him.”  

Outside, Cas could hear Billie gasping and wheezing.   Despite the claim of the original Death that in the end he would reap God, this Death had been weakened.  God was about to destroy Billie.  He didn’t have much time left.

He no longer paid attention to Dean.  His eyes glowed softly as he prayed to Jack.  He could feel Jack’s grace responding to him across the etheric plane. 

“Jack, remember what I said to you earlier.  You don’t need anybody’s absolution, you don’t need anybody’s approval.  With or without a soul, with or without power, you always just wanted to do good. Jack, you ARE good, and you are important. Don't let anybody tell you otherwise.”

There.  He felt it.  Jack believed him.  Although still faint, a wave of hope reverberated in Jack’s soul. That hope amplified in Castiel’s grace, endlessly, triumphantly.

Death has been destroyed.  God will be next.  Evil will rot in the Empty.  A new day is coming for heaven and earth. It will be Jack’s world, finally and truly.

Jack will be free. The whole world will be free.

The door exploded.  Chuck walked in, smiling smugly. But it was too late for him.

Happiness flooded Castiel's grace. His wings rose with joy and reverence, saluting the new world to come.

Pools of amorphous black goo seeped in through the ceiling and formed a swirling portal.

The black tendrils hissed and spread, enveloping Castiel and Chuck.

Inside Chuck, Amara sighed with relief. Darkness. Eternal darkness. Its incomparable power was coursing through her now.   She took control. "Let's go home, brother."

Cas smiled, head held high. He prayed one last time.

"I love you, Jack."

[pray4jensen]

honestly this whole experience being a deancas shipper over the last two weeks has felt exactly like how the episode title kept changing from truth to despair to truth to despair to truth (spanish edition)

like i’m happy, i’m sad, i’m happy, i’m sad, i’m happy, i’m sad, i’m ha—going to lose my fucking mind 

[castiel-stark]

CW trying to give us Destiel...

[monstermoviedean]

“so it goes,” marianas trench (cover)

[darkshrimpemotions]

I’ve done it, y’all! I’ve figured out how to recolor/edit SPN screencaps from the later seasons to more closely resemble the early seasons’ lighting. This is my first finished one. I definitely plan to do more.

Any requests? Send me an ask! I can’t guarantee I can do everything (though I’d honestly like to just recolor the entirety of the show starting from season 7 onward), but I’ll do as many as is feasible in my off-work hours.

[spn-season-16-chronicles]

SPNews

16th October 2021

The highest of highs and the lowest of lows. That's the shortest description of the 2nd day of Denver Con

Jensen's, Misha's and J2's panels took place. Starting point was strong with everyone fawning over Jensen and Misha. And the photo ops. And their interactions

Fanfom delighted to see Misha and Jensen interact after over a year of no content. They reportedly fake-almost-kiss during their talks inbetween photo ops

Jensen says there were lots of rewrites done to 15x20 even before covid. Says that Dean dying alwayd was the endgame. Says he had to fight for Dean to die standing up and proud and not cradled by Sam. Mentions the death scene was paiful and awful - not only for Jensen and Jared but also for the crew. Says some of them had to leave because they felt attached to the characters as well. Reveals that he didn't mourn Dean because Dean is part of him and always will be. He also teases the return of supernatural. Says that he believes it's stay around for years to come in some shape or form - whether it'll be a friends-style reunion or spin-off or a movie or a redo in 3 years or all the above. Asked whether Jack being a girl would influence the story says no and mention that there bever was a discussion if Jack identifies as a boy. And then adds stupid not well-thought joke and makes fandom mad

Misha briefly joins the panel and they talk.. Stuff. For a while. They talk covid ofc

Misha talks rater interesting stuff. Says that the 2nd season of Bridgewater podcast is coming. Thinks that Cas' favourite place in heaven would be at the back of the impala, or in the bunker. And wherever exactly cas is in heaven - he is content. Says the confession scene was his favourite out of the whole series. And that he misses all the mischiefs they were engaging in during the shooting. The running late panel gets ended at the worst possible moment - while fan is waiting for an answer to very emotionally charged question - by Jensen's and Jared's appearience.

Jensen and Jared are rumoured to be arguing inbetween photo ops

Majority of J2 panel runs smoothly. Asked if they liked the finale Jared says "they both died" indicating rather not positive feelings regarding 15x20. Jensen praises Misha's performance in 15x18. But shit hits the fan with the very last question. Asked about just queer. Those two white men malfunction. Spewing just vile, stupid shit unfit to consumption. Or print for that matter. But they bend over themselves. Jared outright denies that Cas confession was romantic. Because "basically Cas is just built differently". Jensen is not alot better, starting off strong with "Dean didn't realise till confession" but then after being interrupted by jared just shrugs through majority of his ramble. And then finishes with "it's up to interpretation" classic.

What will happen tomorrow

[deanwasalwaysbi]

Jensen talked about a 6 episode Reboot

What if they just pulled a Roseanne -  The last two episodes NEVER HAPPENED and the 6 episode epilogue mini season commences at the end of 15x18.  

TBH I’d be happy with just a 15x20 redo. Season 4 started with an unseen angelic assault on hell.   Now get ready for the human or multidimensional assault on the Empty.  Anyway it’s going to be a good comic book series one day. 

[omniscientoranges]

Dirty Valentine - Richard Siken // 15x18 Despair

actually pretty redo of this because I was bored

[steveyockey]

15x18 and 3x10. Cas’ speech cuts to the core of everything dean thinks about himself which is epitomised in 3x10. His speech even directly references the line “daddy’s blunt instrument” from demon!dean’s speech in 3x10.

close but not exactly the project — I’m looking for episodes whose narrative as a whole seem to echo/redo/comment on earlier episodes. the confession speech is a great piece of writing in part for exactly what you point out! it has all sorts of cool resonances with older episodes, 3.10, 4.22, and 12.12 most definitely! but I’m looking at the arc more than any individual lines