#13 Things Fast Food Does to Your Body

[ausetkmt]

1/13

Packs on the Pounds -

Fast food is convenient and cheap, but you pay a bigger price in the long run. Those burgers, fries, and shakes usually have more fat, calories, and highly processed carbs than your body needs in one meal. This can quickly lead to weight gain and obesity if you eat it often.

2/13

Harms Your Heart

Sodium makes fast food taste better and keeps it from spoiling. But just one bacon cheeseburger can contain your recommended daily value for sodium. That’s the amount of a nutrient experts suggest getting every day. Too much sodium raises your blood pressure and damages your blood vessels. It also raises your risk for heart failure, heart attack, and stroke.

3/13

Spikes Blood Sugar

Bagels, buns, and breaded foods are high in processed carbs your body breaks down into sugar. As blood sugar levels rise, your body pumps out insulin to level things out. Over time, these constant sugar spikes can wear out your pancreas (the organ that makes insulin). This keeps blood sugar levels high, triggering type 2 diabetes.

4/13

Opens the Door to Digestive Issues

Fast food may taste good, but you may not feel well once it hits your system. High-sodium foods (fries, anyone?) can temporarily trigger bloat. Couple that with low amounts of dietary fiber, and your digestive tract gets backed up. This can lead to constipation that puts you at risk for hemorrhoids, hernias, and diverticulitis.

5/13

Affects Your Mood

What you eat and drink can impact how you feel mentally and physically. Fast food lacks the vitamins, minerals, and other nutrients your body needs to boost your mood. Research suggests fast and processed foods you buy at the store may be linked to a higher risk of depression.

6/13

Makes You Tired

When a bunch of processed carbs hit your system, your blood sugar rises quickly, then drops just as fast. This can make you feel tired. If you grab a sugary coffee drink to wake up, the cycle starts all over again.

7/13

Could Impact Your Fertility

Phthalates, synthetic chemicals that dissolve materials and make plastics durable, are in everything from toys to fast food. Recent studies have linked phthalates with fertility issues and higher risks of learning and behavioral disorders in children.

8/13

Changes Your Bathroom Habits

Because it’s highly processed, fast food -- especially the kind that’s fried or creamy -- can be hard to digest. If your body can’t break it down, it lands in your colon and turns into fatty acids that spark diarrhea.

9/13

Invites Dental Disease

The high levels of carbs and sugar in fast food, including sodas, raises the amount of acids in your mouth. These wear down the enamel on your teeth and boosts your risk of cavities, tooth decay, and gum disease.

10/13

Wears Out Your Bones and Joints

Excess weight and obesity caused by fast food puts extra pressure on your joints, especially your hips and knees. This makes you more likely to get fractures in the bones around your joints.

11/13

Raises Your Risk for Respiratory Issues

One fried chicken dinner won’t affect the way you breathe. But too much fast food can lead to extra weight that increases your risk of asthma, especially in women. More research is needed to know exactly why, but early studies show that fat tissue leads to inflammation that may affect your lungs.

12/13

Causes Skin Outbreaks

Fast food is full of ingredients that don’t play well with your skin. Sugar can lower collagen levels and lead to signs of early aging, like wrinkles. Salt drains moisture from your skin, but it helps your body keep the water that causes bags under your eyes. High amounts of saturated fats trigger hormones that play a role in acne.

13/13

Affects Your Memory

Experts think saturated and trans fats tell your body to make plaques in the brain. These cause dementia and raise your risk of Alzheimer’s disease three times more than those who don’t eat fast food.

[zewik7]

Whats your fat story? like waht made you want to get so big and fat?

Okay buckle up because it’s REALLY effed up as a story.

BE WARNED!! THIS IS A REALLY LONG POST!!

I was JUST 4 years old when, in the solitude of my little bedroom, i played pretend within myself in my toddler crib: i was a little piggy and was destined to be fattened up.

Flash forward: i was 7, i was playing pretend still with that setting, and weighed myself before drinking as much water i could, and weighing myself after that too. I enjoyed seeing the little numbers on the scale go up so fast.

Flash forward: it was early 2000 years, i was 10 and a bit chubby, and the social fashion and new norm was being thin, too thin, so thin you could see ribs. I was regularly called fat, lardass, fatass, even tho i was of normal corporature. I was always angry about this, i didn’t felt fat!

Flash forward: i was 12 and EVERYONE called me fat because i developed early and already had big tits. The rest of my body was thin, i could feel the inter-ribs space with my fingers, but for the culture fo the time i was FAT. I started doing A LOT of sports, like swimming half week and karate the other half week, and that made me bulky, not thin at all. Fat-related bullying intensified at the point that at 13 years old i requested to my mother if i could go to a nutritionist for becoming thinner. She complied, but i got so stressed from the bullying, too much sport and trying on the top of this to be the best in my class, that i actually gained weight… the “wrong” kind of weight. The FAT weight.

I was 14 when i put my fingers on the minimal curve of my belly, the littlest pouch of fat i had when i was like 7 and never again, and pushed and squeezed it. And i loved it. I searched on google, in my mother tongue (italian): “what does it means if i like being fat?”. And it found a single 100ish people forum on BHM and BBW in italian, and i spent a week reading it, watching the SFW photos, i even requested access by registration to the forum.

And THERE. THERE i asked the fundamental question: “everyone i know wants to be thin… but i like being fat. I’d like to be fatter, even. I am wrong? Am i a bad person for feeling like this?”.

And response, gentle and welcoming and kind, was immediately: “no, you’re not a bad person for wanting to decide for your own body in your own way. You’re little for now, but one day you’ll get to choose for yourself what to do about it”.

But i was 14. And any 14yo ever existed believes they know everything in the world.

So i started using my allowance. Normally i’d store it in a box under my bed until i really wanted something (at the time i already spent like 200€ for an ipod touch, but i still had a decent sum remaining), but now i planned and invested my money in my fattening.

I started buying food on the way from home to school and returning, every place selling food knew me by name for the end of the school year. And i packed kgs like my body was so thirsty for them!!

In just two years (2!!) i went from 14 yo per 55 kg (155 cm height) to 16 yo per 115 kg (160 cm height).

I bumped into things with my body because i wasn’t used to being so large! And i was so effing soft!!! I loved it!!!

It was… interesting, from an external point of view, for sure.

My parents couldn’t wrap their minds around HOW i doubled in weight in just two years, for example.

And of course they had to stop me.

They stopped giving me allowance, reprised making me do sports (this time, swimming and modern dance), put me on a strict diet… but I LONGED for that freedom, that big quantities of food and sugary carbonated drinks, even the fatigue and short breath from running briefly… but more than anything… i hated i was losing my physical softness.

In other two years, from 16 to 18, i went from 115 kg to 75 kg.

Then my mother died and she left me some money, so i could go away from home (never loved that other parent too much) in 2015 and start my TRUE gaining.

Since then, I gained more than 125 kg (280 lbs).

[tijanatasmaric11]

— 1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

4. Are you easy to get along with?

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

15. What good thing happened this summer?

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

19. Do you like bubble baths?

20. Do you like your neighbors?

21. What are you bad habits?

22. Where would you like to travel?

23. Do you have trust issues?

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

26. What do you do when you wake up?

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

30. Do you ever want to get married?

31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

33. Spell your name with your chin.

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

40. What do you want to do after high school?

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

43. Do you smile at strangers?

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

46. What are you paranoid about?

47. Have you ever been high?

48. Have you ever been drunk?

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

53. Favourite makeup brand?

54. Favourite store?

55. Favourite blog?

56. Favourite colour?

57. Favourite food?

58. Last thing you ate?

59. First thing you ate this morning?

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

62. Been arrested? For what?

63. Ever been in love?

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

65. Are you hungry right now?

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

67. Facebook or Twitter?

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

69. Are you watching tv right now?

70. Names of your bestfriends?

71. Craving something? What?

72. What colour are your towels?

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

75. Favourite animal?

76. What colour is your underwear?

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

80. What colour pants?

81. Favourite tv show?

82. Favourite movie?

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

87. First person you talked to today?

88. Last person you talked to today?

89. Name a person you hate?

90. Name a person you love?

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

92. In a fight with someone?

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

95. Last movie you watched?

96. Favourite actress?

97. Favourite actor?

98. Do you tan a lot?

99. Have any pets?

100. How are you feeling?

101. Do you type fast?

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

103. Can you spell well?

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

108. What should you be doing?

109. Is something irritating you right now?

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

111. Do you have trust issues?

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

113. What was your childhood nickname?

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

115. Do you play the Wii?

116. Are you listening to music right now?

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

118. Do you like Chinese food?

119. Favourite book?

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

121. Are you mean?

122. Is cheating ever okay?

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

125. Do you believe in true love?

126. Are you currently bored?

127. What makes you happy?

128. Would you change your name?

129. What your zodiac sign?

130. Do you like subway?

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

134. Can you count to one million?

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

137. How tall are you?

138. Curly or Straight hair?

139. Brunette or Blonde?

140. Summer or Winter?

141. Night or Day?

142. Favourite month?

143. Are you a vegetarian?

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

145. Tea or Coffee?

146. Was today a good day?

147. Mars or Snickers?

148. What’s your favourite quote?

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

[thatonewatching]

My creepypasta/marble hornets head canons (SFW)

Hoodie/Brian

Black coffee No cologne Picks at his skin or taps his foot Likes big dogs but feeds the stray cats Scar going down his chest from a fight w/ Masky Good friends with E.J. Likes kids, and wishes he could have them Won't have kids because of his line of work Closed off Selective mutism Anger issues but relatively calm Insomniac Scary dog privilege Hates being a proxy Refuses to take his mask off around the others Keeps camera on him at all times Loves literature Very smart Limited interests Majored in literature Sarcastic Low self esteem Listens to punk rock Hopeless romantic Speaks another language (Russian probably) Mature but can be petty Fatherly Plays piano Is very skilled at playing piano Cannot cook to save his fucking life Can sew Wakes up so damn early Lanky bitch Has no taste in fashion or decor Apartment is practically empty Honest Chews a lot of gum

Masky Stubborn Chubby Hairy motherfucker Intimidating Pours milk before cereal Will now refuse cheesecake (y'all ruined it) Black coffee favorite food is grilled cheese and tomato soup Basic bitch Loves AC/DC Classic rock Aerosexual Good at math Petty Strongly opinionated Bad at reading Needs glasses but refuses to get them Anger issues Can't cook

Toby

Clingy Manipulative attachment issues Likes chocolate milk Pyro Diet consists of milk, energy drinks, and random chips and snacks he can find Underweight but scarily strong Doesn't like spicy food Drools Nightmares Sleep paralysis Panic attacks Loves rodents Hates waking up early but he does because of his job Restless Draws on himself Lots of self-inflicted marks (IYKWIM) Ambidextrous Pyro Thinks about Lyra a lot Bites his nails when no one's around because he has to pull his mask down Listens to Mindless Self Indulgence, My Chemical Romance,  Get Scared, Avril Lavigne, Theory of a dead man, Paramore, Sleeping with Sirens, Crown the Empire, Linkin Park, System of a Down, Panic! At the Disco, Melanie Martinez, Green Day, Black Veil Brides, Arctic Monkeys, McCafferty, Mother Mother, Fall Out Boy, Pierce the Veil, Falling in Reverse, Bring Me the Horizon, Three Days Grace, Korn, Slipknot, etc. (I had to) Hums to himself Dyslexic Likes abandoned areas Very fast when running Great aim Band T-shirts Taps foot Energy drinks

Eyeless Jack

Gentle giant Doesn't like being called "Eyeless Jack" Goes by E.J or Jack Loud breather in his mask, completely silent without Doesn't take his mask off unless he's alone Sweet Scared of himself Goes through heat Trust issues Good fashion but can't wear most clothes because of his size Has Brian sew/adjust/make him clothes for money or whatever Honest Has seen every single Disney movie Hums and sings along to the songs Fatherly Slender's second favorite Mature Scars Human food tastes bad to him Only drinks water Can and will pierce your body if you ask Misses icecream

Jeff

Energy drinks and soda cans all over his room Band T-shirts Emo Slender's favorite Plays with Ben (gaming) Sore loser Likes to burn things Caffeine addiction Stupid teenager shit 13 (in my hc) Ribs are visible Pierced body; nipples, ears, cartilage, nose Fights with everyone Dyes his hair regularly

Not Proofread

[amazingphanisnotonfire]

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

4. Are you easy to get along with?

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

15. What good thing happened this summer?

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

19. Do you like bubble baths?

20. Do you like your neighbors?

21. What are you bad habits?

22. Where would you like to travel?

23. Do you have trust issues?

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

26. What do you do when you wake up?

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

30. Do you ever want to get married?

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

33. Spell your name with your chin.

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

40. What do you want to do after high school?

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

43. Do you smile at strangers?

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

46. What are you paranoid about?

47. Have you ever been high?

48. Have you ever been drunk?

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

53. Favourite makeup brand?

54. Favourite store?

55. Favourite blog?

56. Favourite colour?

57. Favourite food?

58. Last thing you ate?

59. First thing you ate this morning?

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

62. Been arrested? For what?

63. Ever been in love?

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

65. Are you hungry right now?

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

67. Facebook or Twitter?

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

69. Are you watching tv right now?

70. Names of your bestfriends?

71. Craving something? What?

72. What colour are your towels?

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

75. Favourite animal?

76. What colour is your underwear?

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

80. What colour pants?

81. Favourite tv show?

82. Favourite movie?

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

87. First person you talked to today?

88. Last person you talked to today?

89. Name a person you hate?

90. Name a person you love?

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

92. In a fight with someone?

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

95. Last movie you watched?

96. Favourite actress?

97. Favourite actor?

98. Do you tan a lot?

99. Have any pets?

100. How are you feeling?

101. Do you type fast?

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

103. Can you spell well?

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

108. What should you be doing?

109. Is something irritating you right now?

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

111. Do you have trust issues?

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

113. What was your childhood nickname?

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

115. Do you play the Wii?

116. Are you listening to music right now?

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

118. Do you like Chinese food?

119. Favourite book?

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

121. Are you mean?

122. Is cheating ever okay?

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

125. Do you believe in true love?

126. Are you currently bored?

127. What makes you happy?

128. Would you change your name?

129. What your zodiac sign?

130. Do you like subway?

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

134. Can you count to one million?

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

137. How tall are you?

138. Curly or Straight hair?

139. Brunette or Blonde?

140. Summer or Winter?

141. Night or Day?

142. Favourite month?

143. Are you a vegetarian?

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

145. Tea or Coffee?

146. Was today a good day?

147. Mars or Snickers?

148. What’s your favourite quote?

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?  (via tchitsnathan)

Comment a number and I’ll answer!!

[coffeedepressionsoup]

Somebody Does Love | MYG - They Meet Again

Pairing - Yoongi x F!reader

Summary - "What is grief, if not love persevering?" Two people are in love but that is not enough because sometimes loving requires courage. This is the one where fate plays games and Sammy plays Cupid. Part 3 of Somebody Does Love.

Series Masterlist

Genre - fluff, strangers to lovers, eventual smut and angst

Word count - 2.2k

Warnings - lil swearing, SMOKING IS INJURIOUS TO HEALTH! nothing else I can think of

Ratings - 13+

Taglist: @majiiisstuff @starlighttaek8 @yoongrace @proudnoona

A/N - I have been in some of the worst times folks. Slipped back into depression. Lost people. Learnt lessons. Still very much in love with our honey boy though. The day I wrote this was one of the very bad days and I am typing this note through my hazy glasses because of these bloody tears. Excuse the typos, and grammar errors. Do not have the energy to proofread. Please be kind. Do like, comment and reblog. Thank you! Here goes nothing.

What was he thinking? Just how drunk was he? Why is he considering going? It’s just a jacket. He has dozens of those. Yoongi nervously bounced his legs as the rest of his body sat very still on the dressing room chair. Two different brushes - no one brush and a sponge - were being lightly tapped against his face now and a pair of hands were insistently tugging at his half-wet hair trying to style it. This was the last look for a magazine cover shoot. Even as he stared straight into the mirror, he thought back to a small cat and their rescuer. 

The next hour and forty minutes passed agonisingly slow. As soon as the director announced wrap, Yoongi was up and halfway out of the satin shirt he was in. By the time he reached the dressing room, he discarded it completely. Soojin, his manager, rushed in after him and asked as he shut the door, “You are really going?”

Yoongi placed the rings and earrings he had taken off on Soojin’s extended hands and nodded as he put his own t-shirt on.

“It is too public, Yoongi-ah…” the older gentleman tried to reason one last time as he saw the other scrub his face hastily off with a few makeup removal wipes.

“How will they know?” the rapper turned around, now having completed his outfit with a cap, a sunglass and a mask.

“They know you by the shape of your head and the size of your shoulder. You really want to risk it?”

“I am not risking anything. You are driving me there,” Yoongi said with a smirk evident in his tone. 

Soojin was left looking at the open door of the dressing room that now had the stylist and a couple of other members of the crew walk in. He handed over the jewellery he was holding from earlier, bid goodbye and jogged off to his car. 

---------------------------------------------------------

You were sat at the cafe sipping on your second latte of the evening. Tapping on your screen to check the time, you let out a yawn. 6:53. Well, maybe you could excuse an hour’s delay. Weekend traffic. Maybe he overslept? As much as you were grateful to Yong-ho, you were also hoping to see his face today. There are not many things you know about him. He has a deep, soothing voice. He smells nice. He is rich enough to casually wear designer jackets. He is kind, helpful and polite. Thoughtful. He is also quite patient. And his eyes. His eyes were beautiful. Solemn but with a shine that could make someone comfortable. 

Comfortable. Why did a stranger you met for half an hour register as comfortable to you? Your phone chimed. A message from Sammy. - Done yet? “Still waiting” - Wtf

- I don’t think he will show up then - I told you it’s a perfect fit for me

- Let me keep it

You chuckled at the series of messages.

“I will wait till 7:30”

- Then meet me directly at Hajoon’s place

- I will put out food for Ash

“Thanks, man. See ya soon” You closed the chat and smiled down at your wallpaper. Ash fast asleep on Woolfie’s back. The kitten and the dog had gotten along exceptionally well. After Woolfie peed on the kitchen floor when baby Ash hissed at him from Sammy’s lap on the first night, there had been no major issues. Ash had tried once to drink from the dog’s bowl the next day and had fallen into it. You fetched her out and dried her up with a hand towel, and the rest of it, Woolfie had licked clean. That night was the first time they napped together.

---------------------------------------------------------

Yoongi sat on the floor near the sofa where Yijeong and Hoseok were playing FC24. Hoseok was leading by 3 goals. Yijeong almost threw his controller at him in frustration, as the rest of the small group around them chuckled and watched the game progress. 

Yoongi also stared at the screen but his mind wandered far away from the game and his friends. His hands absent-mindedly tugged at the inseam of his jeans. 

As Soojin pulled up in front of the cafe earlier that evening, he could feel the sweat drip down his spine inside the air-conditioned car. He stared for a few seconds at the road in front of the car before turning his head towards the cafe you had agreed to meet at. As if it was an attempt to allow himself to catch a breath and just appear cool, just in his own head. A failed attempt at that. 

Even though he turned to look at the cafe from his car seat, he had not expected you to sit right at the window from where he was parked not even 4 whole metres away. Thankfully you were facing sideways, staring at something inside the cafe that Yoongi could not see. If only you were to turn towards the window to your left, your line of vision would directly collide with the tinted window of Yoongi’s car. 

Soojin coughed lightly from beside him. Yoongi only blinked a couple of times before he shut his slightly agape mouth and swallowed the breath that he didn’t know was stuck at his throat. He saw your face move down towards the table, presumably where your phone was. Phone. Why didn’t he exchange numbers back then? He knows why. Well, he could have given Soojin’s number at least. They could arrange for a more discreet pickup. 

Fuck the pickup. Yoongi had half forgotten that this meeting was about picking up the jacket he had lent you to wrap the rescued kitten in. Sure, that was the reason he gave Soojin that morning when he said he had to make a stop after the shoot. But for the whole weekend, his head had been clouded with your face. And your cooing voice at the kitten. And your bright smile as you introduced yourself. And the smell of your perfume and/or your shampoo that encircled you.

Looking forward to Sunday evening, he felt a tightness in his chest and stomach that could have been mistaken for trapped gas. But he knew this feeling all too well. It was anticipation. He has felt it for years ahead of each show or some big live interviews. He would also feel it once for someone he used to date. But that is what is odd. 

Sunday evening was not a date. Hell, he even felt creeped out by the fact that his feelings mirrored something akin to what he would feel like in anticipation of dates. Of course, it wasn’t even his intention to turn a simple transaction meeting into a date. But he had also not expected the sleepless nights that followed meeting you. And the half-written lyrics of a song on his phone. Nor did he expect the feeling of missing somebody he had exchanged less than 20 lines of dialogue with. 

When you had asked how to return his jacket, he almost wanted to say that you didn’t need to. Luckily, even within the first second, his mind deemed it too off-handed of a statement to make and he saw the cafe logo in his peripheral vision. Before he started overthinking and/or asked to exchange numbers, he pointed at the cafe and said, “How about we meet at that cafe on Sunday evening?”

And there he was. Outside the cafe. On Sunday evening. Almost having a panic attack in the safe confines of his car.

He could walk out of the car and into the cafe. He could walk up to you and say hello. He could make small talk for a couple of minutes. He could take back his jacket and thank you politely. He could then walk back out. 

He could. But he didn’t want to.

He did not want to make small talk with you. He wanted to know how you were doing. How your days have been. If you have spent the three nights just as sleeplessly. He also wanted to know how the kitten was doing. How the two of you were getting along. If you had any other pets. If yes, how many. If all of them were getting along. If the pets had another parent. He wanted to ask you so many things and he wanted to hear you say so much.

The cafe was not at its busiest. Even from where Yoongi was, he could see a few empty tables. He drew in a deep breath and placed his fingers lightly on the door, preparing to open it. 

It was at that very moment that you turned to your left, looking out of the cafe through the window you were sitting next to. You glanced down momentarily at what presumably again was your phone and looked back out the window. 6:18. You looked at people milling around the street outside the cafe. 

But to Yoongi, you were looking right at where he was. The concept of his tinted glass windows disappeared from his comprehension as he (seemingly) held your gaze and fluttered one of his hands over Soojin’s arm, urging him to drive off. Alert as ever, the elder man started driving promptly. Yoongi “held” your gaze for as long as he could till he bumped his head against the car window, closing his eyes, inhaling and exhaling in quick succession trying to even his breathing.

He slowly slumped back down against the passenger seat of the car and unclenched the hand that he did not realise until now was clamping down on one of his knees. He stared ahead at the Sunday evening Seoul traffic, shivering a little from feeling some of his sweat dry up. Soojin turned to him at the next red light and said, “Don’t worry, Joon will understand.”

Nothing more was said in the whole car ride up to his friend’s place. Soojin dropped him off and went back to drop the car off at Yoongi’s building before heading to his own place. Yoongi had planned to drive back home with Hobi. They lived in the same building after all. 

Joon will understand. Joon will understand?Joon will not even know that the jacket he gifted his hyung last year was missing unless Yoongi told him so.

He wasn’t thinking about Joon. Nor was he thinking about the jacket. Of course, he wasn’t.

He was thinking about your slightly impatient gaze. A loose bun sitting lightly at the nape of your neck. Your hands that you briefly rested your face on. Your face. You. He was thinking about you. Like he had for more than the past two days. 

He was thinking about where you were now. What you were doing. What you were thinking. What you decided to do with the jacket. If you threw it at a random trash or kept it with you. If you were cursing him. If you were complaining about him to a friend. 

He felt a cramp in his stomach that is usually indicative of nervous diarrhoea. He felt like a dick. For having stood you up, yes. But he was also disappointed at having chickened out. Maybe if he had not waited in his car at all, it would have gone over smoothly. Maybe if you hadn’t looked out at him (his general direction) he would not have freaked out. He tried to tell himself that it was too crowded. He was too tired. And not a coward because of his stupid, random, huge ass crush on Y/N Y/LN. Someone he only met for half an hour. And spent almost all of it watching her bond with a stray kitten by her side.

He looked up as he felt a slight kick on his back. He realised he was staring at a static screen and that his friends had all gathered over the pizzas that had now arrived. He had not noticed when even though he was the closest to the door. He got up and was making his way towards the rest of the group when the doorbell rang.

Yoongi stopped and turned around. He was the closest to the door after all. None of the others seemed to bother reacting to it anyway. He walked to the door and froze as he saw the person on the ring machine. He knew he was supposed to press a single button to unlock the door. He knew which button it was. But his head and his hands refused to cooperate. He stood frozen for a couple of seconds, staring at the screen in front of him, until the bell rang again.

Yoongi thought he heard this ring in a more muffled way as if it was coming from far away. 

It wasn’t until the third ring that someone else left the group, half a slice of pizza stuffed in his mouth and half in his hand walked towards the door, that Yoongi could hear everything normally again. 

“Must be Y/N,” Hajoon called out, patting Yoongi on the back, and reaching over his shoulder to open the door.

After the small beep, you walked in, almost bumping into someone’s chest.

[strawberry-skies-xx]

13, 20, & 22 for the fic asks! fic i choose for 22, of course, that fucked up girl <3 and the mori dazai fic w the matcha tea....both fics have me by. CHOKEHOLD

*walks in 2 days late w iced coffee* that reblog spree on your blog is bc i couldn't find the og post btw and i had the (naive) hope you didn't reblog shit at the speed i did

13. Do you prefer writing multi-chapter fics or single-part fics? Do you prefer reading multi-chapter fics or single-part fics?

i prefer reading AND writing multi-chapter fics, bc its so much fun to explore stuff. however. The Horrors. i can dream about writing a multi-chapter fic all i want but it doesnt mean ill ever finish it (rest in piece my fleabag fyozai fic that's infamous on my bsd server bc i never shut up about it. also the fyozai betrayal AU fic. pensive emoji.)

20. Which fic have you put the most work into? Which fic have you put the least work into?

you make miette search through 84 published works for this...

the fic i'd say i've done the most research on is this one (mafia Dazai training Akutagawa) but the fic i've put the most work into being really good and me liking it has to be this one. its not BSD, but its a character study of a guy from another fandom and his interest in death and passive suicidality. i spent 3 days postponing every single other obligation other than food and just sat in bed writing this. 4th day i did nothing but chores and then i didnt write anything else for a week lol

least work is hard bc i have a philosophy that i can do whatever i want forever so i Will just write something in an hour and post it with no research, all pure self-indulgence. but i'll use a fic i should have done research on: this one. i really should've planned that out better. idk if anyone still follows me for httyd or has read that fic of mine but i do plan on rewriting it someday

22. Have you used any symbolism in [insert fic]? What does it represent?

OH boy.

so. fucked-up girl fic actually doesn't Have much real symbolism, only a couple remarks on my headcanons for various things.

today he had to eat an apple whole because he could not pick up a knife-

this one is easy, referencing dazai's suicidality and the fact he is trying. just a slight reference to him actively changing/being unable to do something, and also his issues with food.

He starts targeting.

Dazai is very, very still.

Atsushi backtracks so fast that he stumbles over his words, forgetting entirely Dazai’s contradictory explanations,

little things about dazai's manipulation in everything. boy can't admit shit. he's very roundabout with admitting anything close to himself (why i hc fyodor is so good for him, because they can trade those vague references back and forth and understand each other) and a trait i assign to him is saying vulnerable things in as few words as possible. he doesn't explain stuff.

Dazai’s body aches, and he turns, walks over to his desk, sits down. His clothes constrict.

gender issues but also, as mentioned in my comment on your fic, i hc dazai just hates his body. he has to shower with the lights off sometimes, can get dressed without looking at himself once. he very much dislikes perceiving the fact he has a body.

The ADA thinks that they’re dating. Him and Yosano. 

not symbolism or a hc but this was the premise of the entire fic. the agency thinking dazai and yosano were dating when really dazai just had severe gender envy

“Zai.”

little hc! yosano specifically uses this nickname for dazai when affectionate. atsushi and kunikida don't use any actual nicknames derived from his name; chuuya uses this nickname sometimes; ranpo uses this nickname somewhere between chuuya and yosano bc ranpo is putting in the least effort to get his attention lol

The conclusion is obvious. Dazai should explain that’s not what he means, but he can’t get his mouth to work to speak honestly. 

this whole conversation was the biggest indicator of dazai being unable to elaborate/saying things in as few words as possible. he's not a pathological liar, i just think sometimes it is physically painful to have to elaborate vulnerable things verbally for him. e.g. "it's because you're a woman" and yosano having to debate the fact dazai could be going after her, dazai Knowing what kind of conclusion she'd jump to immediately As a woman, and yet he just cannot explain it further because it is vulnerability. HENCE why i like him and fyodor, because fyodor can make those kinds of connections as quick as dazai can.

"Women are really pretty~”

not a hc or symbolism but. Boy why do you talk about women so much and yet date none of them. almost actively make yourself undesirable to them. Sir. My guy. i know what you are

“There’s a word for it?”

special lil hc i have. the mafia is very open and accepting because they simply have bigger priorities than who's kissing who. mori simply does not give a shit if his agents are consorting or if his lead agent goes from a girl to a guy. he won't provide monetary support and unless it's physically disabling he won't make exceptions to rules, but if he's told that someone's pronouns have changed or whatever he'll go "cool" and change the name/pronouns in all of the system, start using them, and be done with it. his only concern is performance and as far as he cares, sex and gender are irrelevant. (on that note, harrassment isn't tolerated because why are you harrassing them for being gay when you can harrass them for the multiple enemies they didn't kill last mission. cmon now.)

this also comes with the caveat that the kids raised in the mafia aren't really educated on it. they're taught normal class subjects, e.g. math, english, etc. and they're taught mafia protocol, and they're allowed to get their own reading material, but the mafia puts in as much effort to teach them about queer people as they do to teach them about heterosexual people. (they do get sex ed tho, which is basic as ever, and which dazai is a whole menace during)

and dazai, obviously, would not really be that interested in either to read about. being brought in so young, i think he was never really taught bias against queer people, so when he had the revelation that he liked chuuya he was just kinda. oh ok. and when he has the feelings about his body that he doesn't like it, he has much bigger priorities (namely the quickest way to die) than figuring out whatever the hell that is.

so it ends up that dazai just kinda is queer and has no idea what it is. he knows he hates his body and he knows he likes chuuya, probably has some surface level knowledge of gay/bi/lesbian/etc. but otherwise no, he's never sought out specifically to figure out the terms for what he's feeling. he actually really hates perceiving himself in any way lol

He still looks like himself,

this little bit: he hates perceiving himself in any way, but he still wants to be him. he doesn't want to change his name or his reputation or whatever else, he doesn't want to be a different person. he just wants to be a dazai that he likes.

It would look wrong be inconvenient for him, and take so much effort. Just… so much. So much that he can’t handle. Managing himself is hard regularly - adding on this, whatever it is, would be biting off more than he could chew. 

there's a river called de nile-

dazai is denying the fact he thinks being a woman would look wrong because of his years of being in a masculine body like he is, hence the calluses mention. but he also is right, that he wouldn't be able to upkeep it. he has to be in a better spot/it has to be something very slow and gradual for him to be able to keep it up long enough to maintain a desirable appearance. he's sorta using it as an excuse to not do it but also he just doesn't want to put in that much effort into it.

now for the matcha fic!

Very big hc and symbolism for this fic: Dazai's ability.

it is an ability nullifier, and i stand by the idea that abilities have some kind of effect on their user and are somewhat sentient. Atsushi's tiger, for one, is not only a transformation but the shape of the ability inside him, and Kyouka's Demon Snow is a whole being as the ability itself.

so for Dazai, he described it once as an "anti-ability." which. what the hell. whump beams him.

i have the hc that Dazai's ability makes him cold because most ability users can feel their ability hummign beneath their skin. most abilities are warm, alive, and it's like a constant low electric current or adrenaline rushing through them, as omnipresent as a heartbeat or breath. just a fact of being alive is that feeling. so then: when Dazai nullifies other people's ability, they can Feel the absence of it, they can feel very empty and very cold. when Dazai is the host of that nullification ability, it's just that electric warmth reversed. an icy cold, all the time, because NLH is a black hole as opposed to a sun. (all my metaphors relate NLH more to an icy lake, but that's the dichotomy)

i don't ascribe Dazai's emptiness entirely to NLH, but i do think it contributes and that he has a complex about the relationship between his own issues with emotion, empathy, and the fact NLH lives inside him.

and that cold gets much worse whenever Dazai actually does nullify an ability depending on how strong it is/how much is being used at the time, therefore the remark about him making a science on how bad it'll affect him, and that scene about him being overwhelmed by nullifying Chuuya's ability; he miscalculated, and was caught off guard by NLH activating so strongly, esp given his injuries and physical weakness already in that moment

and another little HC: Dazai's hinted to have been in an even worse place before Mori and abilities are said to be activated from trauma. so i like to hc Dazai's ability as activating from the result of being tortured with abilities, from a deep desire to stop the torture, also in some kind of lab setting. and from there, Dazai escaped, and Mori got this very damaged child.

so then, through the matcha fic, Dazai latches onto it because the warmth of the tea chases away the cold of NLH.

another thread through this fic: Mori and Dazai's relationship. i think Mori was trying to keep Dazai alive as an asset to the mafia, and that he never... regretted? bringing him in as much as wished Dazai had never shown up at his doorstep in the first place, because Mori sees the value of his skills way too much to regret using them. but Mori also knows kids aren't supposed to do what Dazai is doing. and he also sees the emptiness in Dazai and all his general issues. so it's this very messy tangle of like. Mori can't care for him like a father because, yknow, mafia boss and Mori himself also has manipulation and control issues, but also he's much fonder of him than most others, even Chuuya. no one else would have been able to get away with all the shenanigans Dazai inflicts on him (that kid bullies mori so hard. it's very comical). Mori is simultaneously training him and raising him in a life-or-death environment for them both and it's so messy.

“I’ll make us all some hot tea!��� Atsushi raises an eyebrow, skeptical. “Are you sure you won’t… burn the Agency down, Dazai?”

little note here: i think dazai curates an image of incompetency specifically because of his competency in the mafia. obviously everyone there knows he's actually competent, but he hides just how competent he is. partially to get up to his own shenanigans hiding his mafia connections and whatever else, but also partially because he doesn't want to be known as something like the demon prodigy again.

when it's serious, they know he can hold his own (prison arc) but otherwise. he is faking so much incompetency.

“I’ll make a deal - if you manage to make matcha tea as well as I do, I can get you your own expensive set for the holidays~”

ok listen. listen. the slap that dazai gave atsushi lives rent free in my mind because of the moment of hesitation just before it. everyone villainizes dazai for slapping atsushi while entirely ignoring the brief hesitation just before it.

dazai was both trained (as an agent) and raised (as a teenager) by mori. and oda was not a very good dad either. he doesn't have the best role model, for one. but he's also very self-aware when he's older and i think he can separate "father" mori and "mafia boss" mori in his actions. he knows when mori was trying to raise him and he knows when mori was trying to train him.

now. now guess what dazai is to atsushi. a trainer. and dazai is still taking the place of someone older and more experienced teaching atsushi not only combat skills but also life skills/growing-up skills. and we all saw how dazai got with akutagawa; that was an environment conducive to that kind of treatment, where that was being encouraged.

now the agency doesn't condone physical violence and dazai knows that. and he is very clearly trying to be a good person like oda asked him to. so, with that moment of hesitation, he clearly did not want to slap atsushi. but someone else's post words this better: he got complacent at the agency, forgot mori's ruthlessness, and with the threat against atsushi and release of Q he remembered he couldn't be so complacent and began to slip back into the old mafia thinking as a way to survive.

and with atsushi breaking down and not listening to him, the agency threatened by mori and Q, a threat that made even dazai flinch, i hc he got overwhelmed, knew there was one method that got guaranteed results, knew the agency didn't condone it, but was overwhelmed enough that he just. lashed out in a way he knew guaranteed would work, and would get atsushi to listen to him.

so . very long rant just to say that i think dazai is fighting, a bit, to balance his experience of being trained-and-raised, with him training-and-raising atsushi, but he knows the difference clearly between the two and so he'll cherrypick actions like the deal mori made with the matcha tea.

deep breath. it's been like an hour and a half. jfc. anyway there's your answers hsfdbhsdf i have many many thoughts on dazai

ty for asking!

[written-with-clouds]

Monstober Day 10: Dragon (Yungi)

Day 10/13

Summary: Mingi never expected to fall for a dragon

CW: None

not beta read

Series Masterlist

This was it. Mingi’s last moments of freedom before being sacrificed to the dragon that haunts his town. Clad in his white tunic and brown trousers, he shared tearful goodbyes with his parents before climbing into the rickety old boat that would slowly drift him towards his fate. 

A roar startles Mingi and he jerks, the boat rocking slightly. In the sky, high above him, is a mighty golden dragon. Its large wings cut through the clouds as it descends slowly, making several wide circles. Mingi watches, his heart beating wildly, as the dragon gets closer and closer. The beast's large talons grip either side of the small boat and before Mingi can process how large the dragon is up close, the boat is being lifted from the water. 

Mingi screams, tightly closing his eyes and gripping onto the wooden boat for dear life as he is taken high into the sky. He can feel mist hit his face as they break through the clouds and up this high, it’s a little hard to breathe. Whether from the adrenaline leaving his body, or the lack of oxygen flowing into his lungs, it isn’t long before Mingi’s eyes drift shut and he falls asleep.

Yunho hovers over the ground, gently setting the boat onto the stone before landing himself. His bones crunch and shift as he transforms back to his humanoid form. His new bride is still fast asleep when he turns to look at him and so Yunho scoops him up and carries him to his… no, their bed. He gently sets his bride down and covers him with a blanket of fur for warmth. 

Yunho sits on the edge of the bed, watching his bride snuggle further into the furs, and smiles. He traces the back of his knuckles against his bride’s cheek and jaw bone, noticing a small beauty mark under his eye. His eyes take in the sight of long lashes fanning over sculpted cheeks, a strong nose that leads to plush, pink lips parted slightly in sleep. 

Yunho likes this bride.

Mingi wakes up slowly, his ears picking up little sounds around him before he can will his eyes to open. When he finally manages to peel his eyelids back, he stares up at a stone ceiling. Orange hues dance on the stone as a fire crackles within the fireplace on the opposite wall from Mingi. 

He sits up in the large bed and does a self evaluation. Shirt still on? Check. Pants still on? Also check. Any soreness in places he wouldn’t normally be sore in? No. 

“That’s promising,” Mingi says out loud, to himself. 

The sound of a door opening grabs his attention, his eyes darting to a large wooden door as it slowly opens and reveals… the most beautiful man Mingi has ever seen. Well, man-dragon. The man has short warm golden brown hair that falls into his chocolate colored eyes. Horns in that same golden color sprout from his hairline and curl back. Shimmering golden scales litter his cheeks like clumps of stars. More scales cover his forearms like vambraces, blending into the skin of his hands. His fingertips and claw-like nails are dusted black, as if he had been playing in the soot of the fireplace. 

He’s tall too, taking up most of the doorway with just his body. Mingi can just make out the tops of two wings behind the man-dragon. 

“You’re awake.. how did you sleep?” The man asks, striding into the room and sitting on the edge of the bed. 

“Um.. I slept fine…” Mingi stutters. The man grabs Mingi’s hand, lifting it from where it rests in his lap. He brings the hand up to his lips and places a gentle kiss against Mingi’s knuckles. 

“I’m glad to hear that…” the man smiles brightly. “My name is Yunho… May I have the pleasure of knowing yours?” 

Mingi swallows the lump in his throat. “My n-name is Mingi..” 

“A beautiful name, for a beautiful man.”

Life with Yunho isn’t horrible. In fact, Mingi has never been happier. Yunho charishes him and respects him for who Mingi is. He goes out of his way to get things for Mingi, he makes Mingi’s favorite foods and even takes him flying on dragon back. Flying with Yunho is like nothing Mingi has ever experienced, once he figured out how to adjust his breathing so that he doesn’t pass out again. It’s freeing, to be above the clouds. And on colder nights, when the chill cuts through even the thickest of blankets, Yunho will pull Mingi against his chest and wrap his wings around him. On warmer days, they fly to a breezy field and Mingi reads his favorite books to Yunho as the dragon dozes on Mingi’s lap or runs his hands through the human’s hair.

To say that they had fallen in love was an understatement.

The one and only problem was how isolating it felt. Sure, Mingi had Yunho, but he missed his friends and family. He wished for them to meet Yunho and love him the way he does. When Mingi had first asked to travel back to town, Yunho had said no. Later confessing that he was afraid that Mingi would run. But now, after Mingi had shown Yunho time and time again that he would return to the dragon and proven his deep love for him, Yunho agreed. 

They landed in a meadow on the outskirts of town, Yunho telling Mingi to go on ahead and that he would find him shortly. Mingi smiled at Yunho, his eyes crinkling in the corners, and kissed him goodbye.

The reunion with his parents is tearful.

“I can’t believe it! My boy.. My darling boy is home!” His mother cries against him. Mingi wraps his arms around her, lifting her and spinning her around happily. He sets her down and she cups his face with her hands, “I’m never letting you out of my sight again.”

Mingi’s smile falters slightly, “Ma.. I’m not staying…”

“What do you mean?” She asks, her smiling dropping completely. ‘You can’t seriously be considering going back to the beast.” 

“He isn’t a beast mom… He’s actually really sweet, he cares for me” 

Mingi’s mom shakes her head, “It’s put a spell on you, hasn’t it?” she accuses. 

“No.. he hasn’t. Ma-”

“I won’t hear it, Mingi. You are staying here and we’ll get the spell thing taken care of.”

Two weeks. 

Mingi has been locked in his parents home like a prisoner for two weeks.The window in his bedroom is barred from the outside, courtesy of his father, and his parents alternate sleeping on the couch to prevent him from sneaking out the front door at night. For the first week, his parents call every priest, witch, warlock, and shaman they can to 'cure' him of the spell they believe Yunho placed on him, but after countless 'failed' attempts, his parents resign themselves to 'waiting it out'.

He spends his days pleading with his parents to let him go, that Yunho is a good guy and if only they would meet him they would know that too. Every plea falls on deaf ears and dismissals. His nights are spent staring out the barred window at the night sky, searching for the silhouette of his dragon… of Yunho. If he isn’t watching the sky, he’s crying silent tears until he can’t keep his eyes open for a second longer. 

Mingi dreams of Yunho. Of his smile, his laugh, his eyes. Of their time together and how he’d still be with the dragon if only he hadn’t asked to visit his family. He dreams of a future he’ll likely never know, a future with Yunho.

On the eve of Mingi’s third week trapped, Mingi spots something in the woods. No, not something… Someone. 

Mingi shimmies his window open the little amount it can and calls out. “Yunho! Yunho, I'm here!” His dragon doesn’t respond verbally, but his head snaps in Mingi’s direction and then suddenly, Yunho is running. 

Mingi watches as Yunho rounds the side of his house. Mingi steps out into the living room just as the front door splinters from Yunho kicking it in. He barely registers his mother’s yelling as the rest of the world falls away, leaving just him and Yunho. 

Yunho is panting wildly and his eyes are dark. His body is tense but visibly relaxes when he realizes that Mingi is unharmed. Mingi’s feet are moving on their own, taking long strides towards Yunho. The dragon meets him halfway, wrapping his arms around Mingi protectively. 

“I thought i’d never see you again,” Mingi cries into Yunho’s chest. 

“There isn’t a place on this earth they could hide you that I wouldn’t find,” Yunho says into Mingi’s hair. 

Mingi lifts his head, looking at Yunho, “Take me home, Yunho.”

Series Masterlist

[koukiyoarchives]

「 ✦ oc questions ๋࣭ ⭑

01・what kind of music does your oc listen to? who are their favorite musicians? (bonus - if you know it, what's they're all time favorite song?)

02・what are some implied things about your oc that aren't confirmed in canon? are they actually true or only implied? (bonus - do you think this would be a popular headcanon among fans of the character?)

03・what are a few random, insignificant facts about your oc? (any fact that isn't based on any story-driven information, but rather facts that add to the "human essence" of the character to make them feel more "realistic.")

04・does you oc have an significant scars anywhere on their body? if yes, where are they and how did the get them?

05・what color do you most associate with your oc and why?

06・if you could only pick one song lyric to describe your oc, what song lyric would you choose? (bonus - explain the context of your lyrical interpretation with the oc.)

07・what is your ocs full name? what does their name mean? (bonus - if you had a specific reason, why did you choose this name for them?)

08・does your oc play any instruments? what do they play and how did they learn? (bonus - rate, out of 10, their skill on every instrument they play.)

09・if your oc could change one thing about their physical appearance, what would they change and why? (bonus - if you want to do it, feel free to create a design for the character where they look exactly how they would want to look.)

10・what is the worst thing you oc has ever done without having a good or valid reason to do it? (for example, any violence done in self defense or them killing an awful person doesn't count. it must be something they've done that isn't justifiable in any way, even if it's a small thing like petty theft even though they could easily afford to pay for what they stole, etc.)

11・if you had to fan cast any celebrity as your oc, who would you choose and why?

12・what was your oc's first kiss like? (bonus - if it was with another one of your or someone else's oc, say who it was with.)

13・what is one crack ship with your oc that you actually think is really cute? (this excludes any ships that have ever been canon, even if they are no longer together. this only includes ships that are fairly random where the two characters have never interacted romantically.)

14・what would your ocs favorite fast food place? what would be their usual order? (bonus - what fountain drink would they normally get with their food?)

15・what is your ocs happiest childhood memory?

[shamebats]

(Told him how I felt somehow in puberty I failed to accept the different body girls got then, while boys keep their same childhood body through life.)

CW: discussion of eating disorders, dysphoria, body issues.

Back to reading Lou Sullivan's diaries and this is one of the things I really can relate to. I couldn't really identify the source of my discomfort with puberty as it was happening. I wanted to keep the body I had. I didn't want it to change except when it came to building muscle. I wanted strong arms, shoulders and abs. I developed disordered, obsessive eating and exercise habits because the idea of my body changing was something I instinctually wanted to avoid. I wasn't aware of it at the time but looking back, it does make sense.

I remember reading a book about a girl with an eating disorder (bulimia) while mine (orthorexia) was at its worst and just not seeing myself in her at all because I wasn't interested in fitting into smaller clothes, I didn't cut out foods, I didn't do trendy fad diets or eat sad salads instead of more filling foods, I just wanted to "optimize" my diet, hit my "macros" and to be strong and muscular, not small and weak. So of course I was confident I didn't have an ED. I didn't want to lose weight, I just wanted to keep the body I had at 13 for the rest of my life. That's different and understandable. Obviously.

"Who is at risk for orthorexia?

When it comes to orthorexia specifically, healthy, active men may be at particular risk. That's in part because men are more likely to diet for health reasons rather than as a way to lose weight, according to one study. Guys who want to eat clean to achieve optimal athletic performance may be more prone to obsessing over things like nutritional information and ingredient labels."

My ED went unnoticed because I didn't experience it in the way girls commonly did. There was a lot of raising awareness around anorexia and bulimia when I was a teen, but I didn't even hear the term orthorexia until way later in my life. Nobody worried about the young sporty teen trying to eat more protein to gain muscle. Because it plays directly into healthism and fatphobia.

Do you think a single doctor ever told me that exercising 5-6 times a week and obsessively reading food labels, weighing my food and calorie counting was not good for me? Or that I was supposed to gain weight as I got older? Nope. Because technically I never fell into the underweight category of the bullshit BMI scale and physically, I was stronger and fitter than my peers. The picture of health to most people.

I've been trying to get back into exercising, because it does help my mental health and being muscular and less "soft" lessens my dysphoria, but it's been hard for me to not fall back into old disordered patterns. Just because I know the source of my body issues now, doesn't mean that I'm immune. I have to be conscious of my ED, but it's so fucking hard to be neutral about your body when it's fucking wrong. It's not the fat I've gained since I've stopped calorie counting that's the problem, it's that it's in the wrong places. It's the big hips, thighs and breasts that came with it.

The allure of weight-loss and muscle gains is always there, a little demon whispering in my ear that if I pushed myself more, ate less, started fasting again and got back to the weight I was before, the dysphoria would go away. But truth is, it'd only be overshadowed by my ED. I know this. It's still hard.

[threetoryuu]

starting recovery, a little recap...

alright so um this is kinda weird to me bcs i have never used tumblr b4 but i wanted to have a blog–like place to post this ( will b cross posted on twt ).

im going to be blogging my experience while in recovery , explain why did i decide to recover and what are my struggles and day to day life.

why did i decide to recover ? dates and stats.

okay first of all i want to establish something for every1 considering ( or getting forced to ) recover. recovery means recovering from the twisted concept of your issue with food , NOT from your weight. being bmi 23 or bmi 13 doesnt define if you can or cant , should or shouldnt recover. everyone deserves to recover , no matter their weight.

with that clarified , i ' ll procede to say my stats at the moment i started considering recovery ( 10 / 10 / 24 )

height: 159cm / 5'2ft weight: 41.5kg / 91.4lbs bmi: 16.4 body fat %: 10.9

during those days i felt so horrible because i wanted SO BAD to b at least 38kg / 83lbs by my bday ( 10 / 16 ) and i was just gaining and losing the same 2kg / 4.4lbs during aug – oct.

then i decided to restrict for real which , of course , just led me to binge at nights. yet , i was decided to be at least 38kg by my bday so i started fasting 20+ hours daily. this just made me b on some weird loop of “ maintaining ”

by the time i decided trying to recover ( 10 / 14 ) i gained 0.1kg / 0.22lbs but my bf % went from 10.9 up to 11.1 and , while i know it is not that much , it still triggered me sm. i knew that those 100g i gained were utterly from fat and i felt disgusted.

at that moment i just KNEW i didnt want to be like that on my own birthday. my moms bday was the day after and i couldnt say no to food at all bcs my mom told me “ its my birthday , i want to see you eat something ”

that broke my heart. literally. so i decided to give it a try.

other thing that also kinda pushed me to try recovery was my health — aside from the obvious discomfort an ed entails. i was diagnosed with endometriosis since early september so my period was WAY HORRIBLE with both a bad nutrition and genetic illness.

so yeah. you could say i was kinda forced to recover at that point.

when did i actually start trying ?

it was a day before my bday — the 15th of october. i even tweeted abt it.

i was so scared but determined to stick to it like for REAL this time. locking in , if u will. so i started with the real thing : planning how to achieve it and not die trying.

so , here it is. my ( hopefully ) easy to follow five–steps plan.

the calories and quantity are irrelevant.

eat what i want to eat.

avoid weighting daily.

think long term.

priorities should be defined.

i kinda feel like this blog is too long for a first blog so im cutting off here 😭 next blog will be a detailed explanation about my plan and current stats.

i dunno if this would reach someone who needs it but i hope it does.

you are never alone , theres always someone caring for you. if you feel like have no friends , lemme be one. if you need to feel cared and loved , lemme provide that feeling for you.

a failed attempt at recovery is not a lose. it is normal and completely valid to relapse. but just as you can relapse a hundred times , you can also recover one hundred and one.

have trust in you because i do <3

[x-angel-dust-x]

I'm bored🤗

1. which eating disorder(s) do you have? Anorexia Binge/Purge Subtype, that turned into fullblown bulimia the last year or two.

2. when did you develop your eating disorder? When I was 11, summer before 6th grade. I realized I accidentally lost weight and got taller, making me lose my childish pudge and look decent. Went on a diet with my mom and got into her diet books, never looked back.


3. are you currently in recovery? Not anymore.


4. honestly, do you want to recover? Yes and no. I just want to be beautiful. I'll do whatever it takes. If that's a healthy weight, I'll deal with the number, but currently it doesn't look like it's swinging that way.


5. how are you doing today? My college canceled class because of the snow!


6. 5 safe foods? Green peppers, carrots, salad, popcorn, popsicles.


7. 5 fear foods? Pizza, pastries, chocolate, cheese, chips


8. do you count calories? I stopped for a bit but I'm back on it


9. what is your max calorie limit? 500 cal. 1000 if I'm having dinner with roommates but only 2x a week.


10. what is your height? 172 cm/,5'8"


11. what is your ultimate goal weight? 119lb, or 129 if Im working out a lot. I don't want to lose my muscle tone. I like being strong af.


12. are you trying to lose weight? Extremely


13. have you ever been called “fat”? Yes


14. have you ever been called “too thin”? Yes and it's amazing


15. what is your current goal weight? 129lb/119lb


16. what was your highest weight? 237.5lb


17. what was your lowest weight? 134lb


18. do you wish you were back at your lowest weight? YES.


19. does your family know about your eating disorder? Yes but I look healthy right now so they aren't worried

20. do your friends know about your eating disorder? My roommate does but no one else


21. do you wish you didn’t have an eating disorder? Of course I do. But it makes for a great distraction from other trauma.


22. have any “free foods”? Veggies like carrots, green peppers, cucumbers I don't calorie count if I have them plain. I don't count olive oil and avocados either since they're good fats and I don't want to scare myself away from eating them.


23. how often do you weigh yourself? About twice a day, morning and night.


24. thinspo or bonespo? Sometimes I have trouble telling the difference but usually Thinspo I think


25. biggest problem area on your body? My calves and face. They're HUGE.


26. favourite part of your body? My veiny hands, my tummy, my butt, my collarbones


27. what kind of results do you want to see? I want a thigh gap so badly, skinny arms that show my muscle, narrow face, tiny waist, easy to fit in an extra small with no squeezing, size 28 jeans and 2 in women's, the validation of judgement, etc.


28. do you purge? Not every day but I do.


29. do you take laxatives? No but I've considered it


30. how often do you purge? Every few days when I binge


31. do you binge? Like a starving man

.
32. how long have you fasted for? A week or two. But I was on drugs to be fair.


33. who’s your biggest thinspiration? Winona Rider in Girl Interupted. This hot butch girl on tiktok.

.
34. favourite eating disorder movie/show/documentary? Starving in Suburbia


35. favourite thinspo picture? The one that's my background photo.


36. can you post a photo of yourself/your body?


37. how does your eating disorder affect your life? I hate socializing and won't have sex


38. what is your BMI? It's like 24 right now 💀


39. do you follow a diet? The A.I.T Diet (Ana in Training)


40. least favourite part about your eating disorder? My massive fluctuation in weight makes me feel out of control. I can't enjoy normal things whether I eat them or not.


41. has your eating disorder ruined any relationships? no, I don't date


42. do you have a “guilty pleasure” food? Chocolate and fast food, I have to keep away from it


43. meanspo or sweetspo? Sweetspo, meanspo just makes me binge and hate myself. Taking care of myself and doing self care makes me want to be healthy.


44. does anyone else in your life have an eating disorder? A girl in my class and my mom


45. ever been inpatient? Every day of my life


46. ever been outpatient? No


47. ever been in residential care? No


48. ever been in a psych ward? Yes


49. are you currently in therapy? No


50. what did you eat today? Binged on Pizza, then stopped and had some popcorn and veggies with dip as a midnight snack


51. are you scared about the holidays? No, it's February and nobody cares about me lol


52. are your family/friends supportive? They literally don't care lol


53. have any other mental illnesses? Massive PTSD is my worst diagnosis, then bipolar 2, then generalized anxiety disorder.


54. looking for ana buddies? YES PLEASE but only long term anas who've lost weight, no beginners pls


55. what is your current weight? 155 lb

[ludrii-shenanigins]

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

4. Are you easy to get along with?

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

15. What good thing happened this summer?

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

19. Do you like bubble baths?

20. Do you like your neighbors?

21. What are you bad habits?

22. Where would you like to travel?

23. Do you have trust issues?

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

26. What do you do when you wake up?

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

30. Do you ever want to get married?

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

33. Spell your name with your chin.

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

40. What do you want to do after high school?

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

43. Do you smile at strangers?

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

46. What are you paranoid about?

47. Have you ever been high?

48. Have you ever been drunk?

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

53. Favourite makeup brand?

54. Favourite store?

55. Favourite blog?

56. Favourite colour?

57. Favourite food?

58. Last thing you ate?

59. First thing you ate this morning?

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

62. Been arrested? For what?

63. Ever been in love?

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

65. Are you hungry right now?

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

67. Facebook or Twitter?

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

69. Are you watching tv right now?

70. Names of your bestfriends?

71. Craving something? What?

72. What colour are your towels?

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

75. Favourite animal?

76. What colour is your underwear?

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

80. What colour pants?

81. Favourite tv show?

82. Favourite movie?

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

87. First person you talked to today?

88. Last person you talked to today?

89. Name a person you hate?

90. Name a person you love?

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

92. In a fight with someone?

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

95. Last movie you watched?

96. Favourite actress?

97. Favourite actor?

98. Do you tan a lot?

99. Have any pets?

100. How are you feeling?

101. Do you type fast?

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

103. Can you spell well?

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

108. What should you be doing?

109. Is something irritating you right now?

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

111. Do you have trust issues?

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

113. What was your childhood nickname?

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

115. Do you play the Wii?

116. Are you listening to music right now?

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

118. Do you like Chinese food?

119. Favourite book?

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

121. Are you mean?

122. Is cheating ever okay?

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

125. Do you believe in true love?

126. Are you currently bored?

127. What makes you happy?

128. Would you change your name?

129. What your zodiac sign?

130. Do you like subway?

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

134. Can you count to one million?

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

137. How tall are you?

138. Curly or Straight hair?

139. Brunette or Blonde?

140. Summer or Winter?

141. Night or Day?

142. Favourite month?

143. Are you a vegetarian?

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

145. Tea or Coffee?

146. Was today a good day?

147. Mars or Snickers?

148. What’s your favourite quote?

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?  (via tchitsnathan)

Fuck you (affectively🥰)

JESUS ARE YOU SERIOUS XDDDDDDD thanks lmao

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? My girlfriend 😌 (Yeah I got one now lol, tho I don't really talk about it so yea)

2. Are you outgoing or shy? Shy all the way lmao you will NOT get me to talk to people xD online it's a tiny bit better but still shy lolz

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? My girlfriend 😌 tho my real life friends too, we didn't hang out in way too long

4. Are you easy to get along with? Idk? xDDDD

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? Yeahh I'd like to believe so Update: I asked and she said yes, so you got it conformed lol

6. What kind of people are you attracted to? Attracted? I don't do that lol I don't have such weaknesses Although if we were speaking aesthetically.. I found myself liking feminine people, if they are not too skinny And monsters lmao

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? Hope so since I am in one rn lol Not romantic one cuz screw that crap but yea

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? Considering I'm sorta genderfluid that's a difficult question xDD so idk, but not too many are on my mind besides my friends and such anyways so yuppers

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? YES very much so xD

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? My girlfriend 😌

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? "aww thank you lol"

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? Was a bit difficult to choose but these are prolly my top My Way by SIAMÉS (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z9ZlS7i2Xvc) ADHD by Silent Child (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LgPEyGlUQH8) The Code by Nemo (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0JqxpaJot2E) Jenny by Studio Killers (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2gzrqjl7on4) DON'T TRY by HEALTH (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DN1qM4f8_J0)

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? Depends what people and if my hair is freshly washed, but usually yea

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? In luck definitely, in mircales sorta

15. What good thing happened this summer? I overcame my fears and booked a plane ticket to my girlfriend so we met in real life for the first time. Good times

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? ........ yee the idea of it kinda makes me uncomfortable sometimes so I'd have to be in the right headspace, but yee

17. Do you think there is life on other planets? yeah, there gotta, maybe not as we know it but the universe is WAY too big for it to be completely devoid of it

18. Do you still talk to your first crush? Jokes on you, I never had a crush 😎 I don't have such weaknesses

19. Do you like bubble baths? I don't really remember taking one lol

20. Do you like your neighbors? One of them not really, the others are pretty nice yea

21. What are you bad habits? uhhh hehehe Overthinking, procrastinating, eating way too much or way too little, letting myself snap at people if I am too overwhelmed, staying up too late, refusing to listen to others even if they mean well if I think I know better, ....

22. Where would you like to travel? The Netherlands! For absolutely no reason lmao I also wanna get outside of Europe eventually, though not sure where exactly, maybe some fun island?

23. Do you have trust issues? yeahhh, always ready to be abandoned or backstabed..

24. Favorite part of your daily routine? Breakfast ig xD I don't really like my routine lmao

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? Oh, ya know, the little wiggly guys on my chest and gonna be honest, the reproductive system gives me the ick too

26. What do you do when you wake up? Procrastinate in bed on my phone, regret it, go get breakfast xD

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? I don't really know honestly

28. Who are you most comfortable around? My girlfriend 😌

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? Jokes on you, I don't have exes 😎

30. Do you ever want to get married? I don't know xDD I have mixed feelings on the topic

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail? yuppers, just barely long enough lol

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? NONE, GEEZ, NONE PLEASE

33. Spell your name with your chin. l;uidfxrtii

34. Do you play sports? What sports? Thanks to my uni wanting me to have PE, I do table tennis now Out of my free will I used to do archery and belly dancing, but I don't have time for it now

35. Would you rather live without TV or music? TV, don't watch it anyways lmao

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? I don't think I have, no If I enjoy someone's company I usually tell them, I try to be straightforward with that thing

37. What do you say during awkward silences? I usually stay silent and stare xD

38. Describe your dream girl/guy? I don't really have that lol

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? Don't have a specific one, I honestly barely shop xD

40. What do you want to do after high school? I already finished high school and am in uni 😩

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? If they wanna get better, then yes. Otherwise it's just giving a second bullet to someone who missed you the first time

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? That I'm extremely unconfortable or too nervous to speak xD

43. Do you smile at strangers? Not really, unless they do something nice for me

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? I always wanted to go to space so there

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? Shame

46. What are you paranoid about? Everything

47. Have you ever been high? nope, and not planning

48. Have you ever been drunk? not really

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? I think so but I can't recall anything rn

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? Grey

51. Ever wished you were someone else? Kind of, but not anyone specifically. Just different, devoid of some of my qualities I hate

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? My anxiety. DELETE THAT CRAP PLEASE

53. Favourite makeup brand? I don't wear makeup xD

54. Favourite store? None really lol I barely shop

55. Favourite blog? Mine 😌 (Though I must say I really like this one called Drowninnoodles, it has lots of really cool art on it)

56. Favourite colour? Pinkish red

57. Favourite food? Ah! Too many Most of them are some sort of sweets though xD pancakes, ice cream, chocolate, cake, you name it

58. Last thing you ate? Chicken soup :}

59. First thing you ate this morning? This Czech pie thing called bábovka

60. Ever won a competition? For what? Never won one, but I got 3rd place in a belly dancing competition, and I think I got some good places in archery competitions as well but idk what kind anymore

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? Nope, I was an angel

62. Been arrested? For what? Does in monopoly count?

63. Ever been in love? Eh, skipping this one, too complicated

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? *sigh* let's not. If you really wanna know shoot me a dm lol

65. Are you hungry right now? Nope

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? Well, look, I barely have any real life friends, and we don't hang out anymore due to time constraints, so at this point it's hard to tell lmao

67. Facebook or Twitter? neither 😎

68. Twitter or Tumblr? Tumblrrrrr

69. Are you watching tv right now? Nope

70. Names of your bestfriends? Spekkie, Azura, Bastet, Noodle (if ya allow me, I'd love to call you my bestie)

71. Craving something? What? A frigin BREAK, a big HUG from my one and only, plenty of ATTENTION, loads of MONEY

72. What colour are your towels? The one I'm using rn is pristine white, the rest is pretty much anything lol

72. How many pillows do you sleep with? 1 under my head, 3 by the wall so I don't kick it

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? yass, many

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? UHHH too many lmao, at least a 100 I think

75. Favourite animal? The secretary bird!

76. What colour is your underwear? bruh not telling the internet that

77. Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolateeee

78. Favourite ice cream flavour? Chocolateeee I also really like lemon and mint chocolate chip though

79. What colour shirt are you wearing? White with red sleeves

80. What colour pants? Blue

81. Favourite tv show? House of Anubis ig lol, currently watching it and it can get cheesy af but it's fun, gets me to think of different things when I'm stressed

82. Favourite movie? UHHHH don't do this to me pls I'm gonna say How To Train Your Dragon (the first one specifically, I don't really care about the sequels), loved it as a kid and it got a special place in my heart

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? I don't even know what that is xD

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? Same as previous questions lol

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? hmmmmmmm Nemo, I think, though Dory is also very fun been a while since I watched it xD

87. First person you talked to today? My mom

88. Last person you talked to today? My girlfriend, lol, we were on a vc together as I answered these xDD

89. Name a person you hate? billionaires

90. Name a person you love? Girlfrennnnnnn also my frens

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? BILLIONAIRES and whoever runs this stupid country

92. In a fight with someone? Like rn? I'm not, no xD

93. How many sweatpants do you have? Plenty lol, it's all I ever wear at home xD

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? way too many

95. Last movie you watched? Half of this random Barbie movie that my girlfriend had me watch for the sillies

96. Favourite actress? Can't say I have one..?

97. Favourite actor? Same as previous

98. Do you tan a lot? Do I what?

99. Have any pets? Yuh, a dog called Charlie and a cat name Leon

100. How are you feeling? A bit conflicted, many things going on rn, but kinda chilling

101. Do you type fast? Yeah, multiple people told me it's scary xD

102. Do you regret anything from your past? Many things, but I try to get over it and move on

103. Can you spell well? Depends, I try to but I misspell a lot due to speed

104. Do you miss anyone from your past? hmmmm I don't know? I don't really feel like I actively miss anyone

105. Ever been to a bonfire party? Idk what that is so I don't think so xD

106. Ever broken someone’s heart? I don't know??? Not that I'm aware of

107. Have you ever been on a horse? Yeah, as a kid

108. What should you be doing? Sleeping xD

109. Is something irritating you right now? Me having to go to school by the end of the weekend

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? I suppose? Sorta

111. Do you have trust issues? I feel like I answered this question before xD

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? You're never gonna guess this My girlfriend 😌

113. What was your childhood nickname? .. crybaby

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? Yeah, multiple times

115. Do you play the Wii? nope

116. Are you listening to music right now? yessss

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? yess!!

118. Do you like Chinese food? no

119. Favourite book? uhhh none right now, but when I was younger I really liked Eragon

120. Are you afraid of the dark? no, I like it actually, it's cozy

121. Are you mean? When I'm irritated, yeah, but I try not to be otherwise

122. Is cheating ever okay? When it comes to stupid rules and stuff, I guess so yeah

123. Can you keep white shoes clean? Usually

124. Do you believe in love at first sight? No

125. Do you believe in true love? What even is that

126. Are you currently bored? Not too much actually, got plenty questions to answer xD

127. What makes you happy? Loads of things! Listening to music, playing games, drawing, attention my beloved, waking up a bit earlier on the weekends and knowing I can sleep in, hanging out with my friends, roleplaying, just chilling and listening to the birds singing as winds blows in my hair, looking at the stars late at night and let the vastness of space consume me fully.. And oh, did I mention my girlfriend? xD

128. Would you change your name? Prolly yeah, don't really like it

129. What your zodiac sign? Leo

130. Do you like subway? Like metro? It's pretty cool, but it can get really loud and crowded so that's not fun

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? If we ignore the gender difficulty again, rejoice? Someone likes me hell yeah, also would be weird if my best friend didn't like me xD wouldn't really be my best friend then huh

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? didn't I answer this before? xD

133. Favourite lyrics right now? damn it, this one's hard I'm just gonna hit you with the "we'll live like spoiled royalty, lovers, and partners in crime"

134. Can you count to one million? Theoretically yeah, but not gonna do it

135. Dumbest lie you ever told? I don't remember xD

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? CLOSED

137. How tall are you? 155 cm (I know I know I'm a midget)

138. Curly or Straight hair? Like preference? Curly ig

139. Brunette or Blonde? Brunette I suppose

140. Summer or Winter? I prefer summer

141. Night or Day? Night

142. Favourite month? uhhh, ig July? School ends, summer vacation starts, easy

143. Are you a vegetarian? Nope, though I do try to limit how much meat I eat cuz I eat a bit too much of it imo xD

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? Dark, definitely

145. Tea or Coffee? Tea, I don't like coffee

146. Was today a good day? Pretty much yeah, not the greatest but it was good

147. Mars or Snickers? Never had Mars so I'm going with Snickers

148. What’s your favourite quote? Hmmm Not sure but one I like comes to mind "If the crown fits, wear it"

149. Do you believe in ghosts? To some degree, yeh

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?  (via tchitsnathan) It's empty xD Not like it matters much cuz the book is in Czech lmao

There we go, finally THIS TOOK SO LONG EVERYBODY WENT TO BED ALREADY

[ed-recovery-affirmations]

A reminder/vent/plea for advice:

Eat meals frequently!! This is something I need to get tattooed on me. Because my ED consisted of a lot of long fasts broken by binges I think my mind and body learned that it is normal to eat nothing for 13 hours and then eat 70% of my daily calories in less than an hour. I think the appetite suppressant quality of my Vyvanse and my vaping addiction are exacerbating this problem. Not to mention I get so wrapped up in certain things that I completely forget I need to eat. But the body is not meant to go 12 waking hours without fuel. I think because I end up eating enough (maybe too much) when I do eventually eat, I convince myself that my feelings of faintness, brain fog, irritability, nausea [ALL OF THIS IS HUNGER] can’t be due to lack of food all day. “How can I be so hungry that I can’t move??? I ate a whole bag of Doritos and 5 low-fat cheese sticks 16 hours ago!!”. That isn’t how the body works!

I desperately wish I was able to just force myself to cook and eat meals throughout the day but I have yet to find a way to make it stick!

Has anyone else experienced something similar? Does anyone have any recommendations?

Thank you so much <3

I absolutely feel this, because I very much forgot to eat when I started Strattera. Those ADHD meds just take away all hunger cues. You could be starving and your body just…doesn’t feel anything. I also had a moment where I went all day without eating wondering why I felt so crappy. After I had a late-night snack that brought me near- instant relief, I was like “ohhh.”

Some things you can try: cook big meals in bulk and portion them out in your fridge and freezer so that they’re easy to access and prepare when you’re rushing! This especially works with soups, stews, curries, rice/quinoa bowls, pizza. Do the same with snacks - make it easy. Keep portions of fresh fruit/snackable veggies, granola bars, peanut butter crackers, snack packs of nuts or chips - whatever you can buy or prep in bulk and store easily. ADHD does not go away magically just because you have meds - work WITH your brain, not against it!

On a related note, set timed reminders on your phone so that you remember to EAT the meals and snacks! “Check in with my body” alarms might be good too. If Vyvanse makes it hard to eat intuitively by checking in with your stomach, practicing tuning in to your other body cues might help.

(Buying frozen meals can help if you are too busy/struggling to find the executive function to cook.)

You can’t punish yourself out of having ADHD. Might as well work with your brain instead!

[angelfoodcake222]

@cow-stealin-gal, here's some answers to that list of questions you mentioned. You weren't kidding when you said this was a lot of questions. It took me a good hunk of the week to answer them all. Whew!

1. "What's the lie your character says most often?" The usual ones: "I'm/it's fine" "I'm/it's okay" "That doesn't hurt" "I'm peachy keen" etc.

2. "How loosely or strictly do they use the word 'friend'?" she uses terms like "My friend", "My dearest friend", or "My beloved friend" as her relationships evolve, in that order. The first one comes when she is comfortable in TADC.

3. "How often do they show their genuine emotions to others versus just the audience knowing?" She shows her more tender, caring side to the main cast, but the audience sees the beast lurking just beneath the sugary surface...

4. "What's a hobby they used to have that they miss?" See Question 38 below. Thank you :3

5. "Can they cry on command? If so, what do they think about to make it happen?"

6. "What's their favorite [insert anything] (I picked food & clothes) that they've never recommended to anyone before?"

7. "What would you (mun [???]) yell in the middle of a crowd to find them? What would their best friend and/or romantic partner yell?"

8. "How loose is their use of the phrase 'I love you'?" Boa-Constrictor-catching-its-prey loose. Though she never verbally says those three words in that order or anything similar to it, she prefers showing it rather than saying it. Gift-giving & Words of Affirmation are her specialties. Sometimes she is physical though this is sparce.

9. "Do they give tough love or gentle love most often? Which do they prefer to receive?" She is a kind, compassionate soul, but adaptive to an uncanny degree. That being said, her type of 'love' varies from character to character with other elements like the immediate environment/scene/situation, etc. at play.

10. "What fact do they excitedly tell everyone about at every opportunity?" How fast rabbits are & what bugs are the cutest.

11. "If someone was impersonating them, what would friends/family ask or do to tell the difference?" Have a brief scene written specially for this question! >:3

"Do you think you baby us too much?"

"People do not need to be coddled & babied 24/7. Though it is a nice occurrence to happen when you need it to keep your sanity, too much could do just as much harm as not doing it at all. With that out of the way, dearies-." She snatches the smug double by the arms, ears sharpening like downcast horns. Deep & demonic, her voice reverberates through the double's body to dominate any chance of retaliation. "Who the bloody f@ck do you think you are, messing with my friends, you low-budget, dollar-store wonton!?"

Violence censored by a Cain & Bubble-themed 'Technical Difficulties' screen blocks the scene.

12. "What's something that makes them laugh every single time? Be specific!" Really bad jokes. Dad Jokes, puns, & dark humor, mainly.

13. "When do they fake a smile? How often?" She smiles much like Jax but not for the same reasons. She does this smile quite often to try cheering up anyone who may need it. Jax is the exception as he angers her very well.

14. "How do they put out a candle?" When in a good mood, she'll cup her hand behind the flame & blow air with a soft whistle sound. When upset or wishing to look imposing, she'll pinch it out, no finger lick, nothing. Only pinches while holding eye contact with whoever she's attempting to intimidate. The candle (probably) isn't the only thing she would extinguish in this way when put to scale.

15. "What's the most obvious difference between their behavior at home, at work, at school, with friends, and when they're alone?" Publicly, she is a caring, nurturing, understanding, healing influence who is an ambivert. Privately, she is a candle down to her wick's end & ready to bring virtual hellfire upon this plain of childcore-coded torment. Being conducive to everyone's mental & emotional betterment is her sanity's glue & staples at this point.

16. "What kinds of people do they have arguments with in their head?"

17. "What do they notice first in the mirror versus what most people first notice looking at them?"

(18). "Who do they love truly, 100% unconditionally (if anyone)?" Insufficient information on the writer's part. This question will be answered later when the story is more developed.

19. "What would they do if stuck in a room with the person they've been avoiding?"

Option A) Makes peace as best as she can.

Option B) stays silent & keeps her distance (physically, verbally, emotionally, mentally).

Option C) If the first two fail, time to boss up & whoop a blockhead into rubble.

The last one is once in a Blue Moon but can happen if the person she's been avoiding completely ignores her very visible attempts at peace on purpose. If it's out of worry, she returns to Opt A.

20. "Who do they like as a person but hate their work? Vice versa, whose work do they like but don't like the person?" Jax & Cain, for the first half. She loves how laidback Jax is & his impish ways are amusing at times, but she hates when he's malicious & uncaring to the others. She doesn't care about her well-being, only about others, so this is the kindling of her internal conflict. Cain, though charming & charismatic, seemingly caring for his 'cast/friends/coworkers', tends to be a little too much for even her. The unpermitted touching makes this worst. She is not a fan of his activities as they do not entice much brain power to solve & often leaves the crew in danger routinely. Lady loves a good brain scratching when it's safe.

The second half is herself. See, she feels a little guilty about inadvertently putting herself out there as the main maternal figure within the cast when Ragatha was there long before her. Even though she is happy to help everyone reach self-betterment, Ragatha included, she cannot stop the shame from reaching her heart.

21. "What common etiquette do they disagree with? Do they still follow it?" Handshaking. Not everyone is comfortable with physical contact like her so she tries not to do this. She will do this if the person is insistent about it.

22. "What is an example of a simple activity that most people do/can do that scares your character?" Acrobatics & yoga. She isn't too big on heights &/or things that scream "possible body horror" to her.

23. "What do they feel guilty for that the other person(s) doesn't/don't even remember?" How she tried to avoid them when she originally blipped into existence under the digital big top.

24. "Did they take a cookie from the cookie jar? What kind of cookie was it?" No, but if she did it would be a shortbread cookie with raspberry preserves on top.

25. "What subject/topic do they know a lot about that's completely useless to the direct plot?" The amount of rabbit/hare/bunny breeds there are currently & the fun facts for each & every single one of them.

26. "How would they respond to being fired by a good boss?" Takes it on the chin like a champ but is crumbling on the inside.

27. "What's the worst gift they ever received? How did they respond?" Glitter trap from Jax. Cain was going to clean her off with the snap of his fingers but stopped when she started laughing merrily & heartedly. "I love fine glitter! Thank you, Jax!" She actually hates glitter of all kinds, fine or chunky, shaped or not. She only did this to damper Jax's malicious smirk. She let Cain clean the rest of the surroundings but wore that glitter for months just to prove a point. Yes, she's motherly & kind, but she has her peeves & limits. Jax pushes all of it.

28. "What do they tell people they want? What do they actually want?" To help everyone be their best selves. She wants to be the shoulder(s) to cry into, for the crying person's sanity & hers.

29. "How do they respond when someone doesn't believe them?" Understanding. She isn't everyone's container of favored beverage & she knows it. If the situation is too bad for her to be this way, she will get snippy with the person if that person is rude or ignores her words.

30. "When they make a mistake and feel bad, does the guilt differ when it's personal versus when it's professional?" This varies. Bigger the issue/mistake, the worst the emotions & vice versa. She's trying her best though.

31. "When do they feel the most guilt? How do they respond to it?" Whenever someone comes to her for advice or comfort instead of Ragatha. She helps them with whatever they're asking with the usual bonus (if desired by the asker) to bring Ragatha's second opinion into play for possibly better results. Ragatha herself comes to her occasionally to talk over subjects they share interests in.

32. "If they committed one petty crime/misdemeanor, what would it be? Why?" Jaywalking & motor vehicle offenses. Jaywalking because she is not fond of crowded routes &/or places period. Motor Vehicle Offenses (Speeding & running traffic lights) because girlie has no head for speed management & has poor vision at a distance.

34. "How do they greet someone they like/love?" All the warm, soft, cozy vocals you could think of. Hugs are optional. She is careful to note what the liked character does & doesn't like to do.

33. "How do they greet someone they dislike/hate?" Very formally. No warmth, no softness. Cold, hard tones through & through until the person catches on to her behavior. What the character does next determines her behavior onwards. Physical contact is at the negative numbers as is her normally kind adaptability.

35. "What is the smallest, morally questionable choice they've made?" Tricking Jax into a box filled with Gloinks as punishment for his mean actions. Due to her respecting the Gloink Queen unlike any other, aside from Kinger, the Queen granted her leadership of some lesser Gloinks to carry out Jax's retribution. Both were pleased with his annoyance & anger.

36. "Who do they keep in their life for professional gain? Is it for malicious intent?" Nobody & nope. She is stuck in the circus & takes care of everyone, even Jax (occasionally & sneakily). This is more like maternal intent for most.

37. "What's a secret they haven't told serious romantic partners and don't plan to tell?" Sadomaso to the bone. More on the 'Sado-' than the '-maso', but she has a motherly reputation to uphold.

38. "What hobby are they good at in private, but bad at in front of others? Why?" Domestic chores; baking, cooking, laundry, & so on. What good are such activities if there is zero need for them?

39. "Would they rather be invited to an event to feel included or be excluded from an event if they were not genuinely wanted there?" A bit of both. She loves feeling included & welcomed but if she isn't wanted then that's okay. She'll just take a long walk around the grounds or retire to her room. Now, if the invitation is verbally delivered with wholehearted want, she'll attend solely for that one person's contentment. If she is in a position where not one person likes her, she'll shrug. "Don't let me spoil your merriment, dearies. I'll be off now."

40. "How do they respond to a loose handshake? What goes through their head?" Put simply, she's worried & confused. "Is this person well? Am I grabbing/shaking too hard? Maybe they don't like being touched & are just doing this for etiquette's sake? I'll make a note of this & find better-tailored ways to interact with them if they'll grant me their friendship at any level."

41. What phrases, pronunciations, or mannerisms did they pick up from someone / somewhere else?

42. If invited to a TED Talk, what topic would they present on? What would the title of their presentation be?

43. What do they commonly misinterpret because of their own upbringing / environment / biases? How do they respond when realizing the misunderstanding?

44. What language would be easiest for them to learn? Why?

45. What's something unimportant / frivolous that they hate passionately?

46. Are they a listener or a talker? If they're a listener, what makes them talk? If they're a talker, what makes them listen?

47. "Who have they forgotten about that remembers them very well?" Her family back in the real world. In her defense, nobody remembers anything of their past lives when in the circus.

48. Who would they say 'yes' to if invited to do something they abhorred / strongly didn't want to do?

49. Would they eat something they find gross to be polite?

50. What belief / moral / personality trait do they stand by that you (mun [???]) personally don't agree with?

[montauk-koolaid]

Here's week 3 of poem class with Scarlet King stuff prompts. I technically on week 4 but... somehow each week I want to share the poems less then the last. It makes the last week look tame and good in comparison. And I mean this is terms of content not how good the poem is at being a poem.

So this week was about Death and I went with the first time someone experiences death and the last time someone experiences death. I did this with Francis/Clef... okay well all of A-major.

~~~

This does deal with Montauk House and Lily so I put it below the Keep Reading (Also gore and unsettling descriptions)

~~~

Brood Guarded Murder

A young lad with friends at his side

A dare from a forest girl, a best friend

“Push him over the bridge and see him wet”

It was all in fun you told yourself

During the season of low water

They walked on the wall looming over the edge

All it took was a push and down they fell

Their head hit the exposed rock in the shallows

A crack in their skull and blood leaked out.

Flowed down the stream.

You stood there in shock and froze into place

Your heart beat fast and your hand over your mouth

The girl of the wood grabbed your arm and you ran

Adults never found out it was you

Who sent them to their death

You felt some crack within yourself

In the morning when you where 13

Your dad never seemed to move from the couch

For over a month

You were out most of the day

That you just thought he was tired

And he shouldn’t be disturbed

You were running out of food

Whispering than shouting

No response

You grabbed his should cold and stiff

Prey him over to his back

A large hole existed filled with maggots and flies

Eaten by rats

Barfing on the ground and stepping away.

Could you have done this?

Use your power to make him sleep for a whole month?

Your best friend came over and helped you to grab your stuff

And then you ran, ran just like from the bridge

To this day you still don’t know what killed your father

But you are sure it was you

The crack deepened

It was not long before you picked a job

A militaristic occult hellbent on killing

Monster, anomalies, witches

Things like you, a Type Green, reality bender

You fumble over and over

Until one cold day in London

You take a shot with your issued rifle

Right through the head

Body fell from the building to the ground

Peering down the edge to the mess below

Nauseous came but there was nothing to fight back down

You’re getting use to this

You felt your crack shatter

Your best friend wasn't what they seemed

Cruel, manipulative, heartless

She made you a killer each step of the way

To make a brood guard

To protect creatures other worldly

Had beat you down to crawl into oneself

Your skin bleeds and your nose broken

You held your shotgun shaky in hand

With a deep breath and steady eye

Trigger was pulled with a bang

Thud on the ground and it was over

Is it over?

Tears streamed down your face

Your heart is ached

A new crack added itself to your cobweb of trauma

Daughter screams and reality returns

You have bigger problems right now don't you

A new place and new face

Shotgun laying off smoke

Human painted on the wall and floor

You stand unfazed above the corpse

Death still follows you

As if you know anything else

First in your new work, your new home

You no longer felt a crack

It felt like nothing

With a smile still plastered on your face

You walk away, someone will come talking soon

At the end you looked above you

Seven spears, Seven heroes, seven wounds

Fall of a king of suffering and fear

The one who commanded your fate

The reason for you position as a killer

Lifeless body and everyone cheered

You sat there, a hole in your chest

Few brood you barely raised came together

To sit around you

With a smile of weakness, a whispers of pride

The last death you will see fades with your eyes