#10k of that is for my car
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#request#userbox#I am about 14k in credit card debt#10k of that is for my car#jirai#jirai girl#jirai kei#jiraiblr#jiraikei#landmine girl#landmine kei#landmine type#landmineblr#pien kei
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imagine: you get your memories back after years of amnesia to find out your whole species is dead and earth doesn’t exist anymore. that the only thing left of your culture is your weird ex and his busted honda civic that barely even works that he stole from the government when he was 13. And he’s been taking members of an alien species for trips in his honda civic and they’re all like “woah it’s so cool” and you get upset because it’s NOT COOL it’s a honda civic, the turn signals don’t even work “wow it can go up hills” yeah OF COURSE IT CAN GO UP HILLS EVERY CAR COULD DO THAT. but they’ve never seen a car before so everything it does is the coolest thing ever. And your ex’s only tool is a fucking screwdriver which is somehow also cool to this dumbass alien species even though it’s a fucking screwdriver so you just look like an idiot screaming about how none of this is even cool it’s actually really shitty but your whole planet is gone so you can’t even prove it but also you’ve had a constant drumming sounding in your head since you were 10 slowly driving you insane. I would become evil too.
#This metaphor might have gotten away from me#Whatever#the master#thoschei#doctor who#tardis#the doctor#Companion: wow it can actually fully reverse and go backwards!#The master: *seething bc EVERY CAR CAN DO THAT*#I would be so mad if the only thing left of my culture was my ex and his terrible car#That he doesn’t even have a license to drive#Tensimm#J watches drwho#I really wanna draw this but I don’t have any artistic ability due to there being no apples in my brain#Plus your ex kinda wants to fuck the car#P-14a#10k#15k
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JUSTICE ⊹ posters FIRE
#justiceedit#userlydia#usermeeks#maddielook#markstrongs#justice#justice band#musicedit#*gfx#*edits#*justicecovers#xavier de rosnay#gaspard augé#woman 2016#was going to do two car ads but realised i don't know enough about cars to lie that much on two#the way i started making these before i got distracted by my hyperdrama criterion boxed set side quest#all i learnt was that justice invested $10k on repairing that car for the mv and sold it for $5k
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a center is offering to pay me 1000k a month for a year (10k in total, PRIOR to working for them) if i work for them for a year and a half afterwards. idk bc at first i wanted to pursue my studies but do i wanna struggle for two years again with money and public transportation
#also im passing my driving lessons so ideally id have a car before september#the 10k would help greatly ngl#the job is also okay tbh and i do like the team ive done many internships there#well. idk what to do
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#you know you hear stories about other people's parents giving them money as they're starting up life in a new place#and then there's mine who asked me to send money to pay for car insurance for my car that im no longer using at home#that car is already fully paid for and being used by the whole family while im away#my friend sold her car and her parents gave her €10k#and people wonder why i look happier after i moved away to europe#i used to burn myself to the ground to keep them happy#asian family really is.... something else#chrmz.txt
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growing up you always hear “never buy a new car it’s a scam” but nobody ever prepares you for the “10 year old used car with 45k miles on it costs $16k”
#like. at this point. why not just get a brand new car. since i’m gonna have to take out a >$10k loan to buy a car anyways#nahh my budget is a hard $20k or less and i can’t get a new car for that lol#personal
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damn. my SUV gets over 20mpg in town when there's no traffic and I don't hit any red lights. for comparison my in-town MPG is usually around 12-14mpg. I really miss my old car that got 30mpg though :( I spend so much money on gas
#the only reason i have an SUV in the first place is bc my mom said she would pay the leftover $1300 for it if I got it and I needed the help#except it wasn't really ''help'' she was paying me back for a couple of years of claiming me and my kid on her taxes#which made me unable to claim him myself#since I live at her address & i'm disabled it's pretty easy to do that especially since I always procrastinate on my taxes like a mf#she's gotten over 10k from us at this point#so yeah it was either take the 1300 from my mom or i had to find something in worse condition for only 3k#her logic was that I would be safer in a bigger car so that's why she wanted me to have it. that is untrue unfortunately#it's not all bad. i've been able to help out so many people w my SUV. i've gotten paid for helping 4 different people move this year#.bdo
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Follow up on my post about ORV nearly killing me in real life (got into a car accident and had to buy a new car bc of ORV).
Proof of full recovery!! Ran my first 10k ever the other day!
I even went out drinking the night before!! And somehow had the energy to stay out till midnight after the run. (AND post a completely unhinged story on AO3 in between it all).
#I asked my physio if I was ok to run that the day before#and she was like#Have you ever even ran 10k?#I said - longest I've ever ran was 5k and I started two weeks ago (while still recovering from the car accident)#SHE DID NOT GIVE ME A PROPER REPLY BACK SHE HAD LOW FAITH AAAAAAA#but I made it#I lived#orv#do I question my sanity sometimes#yes
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U know what's really fucked up? Thru no fault of your own getting hit by another driver, having ur car totalled, being offered a settlement that ultimately is a loss for u, and then being told that u might owe money bc auto shop fees and tow truck expenses.
Like what the fuck. What the actual fuck.
#so my 10k in savings that i used to buy a car 8 months ago? goodbye#i have had a very shit couple weeks#text
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Tumblr objectum nation send me good vibes that everything regarding my car will end up okay
#should add: me and Lawrence (this car) have never like... gotten along too well#idk the chemistry i had w Miles (old car) is just not even remotely present w Lawrence#regardless: i dont want him to be totaled and im really financially stressed#car repairs and body work is EXTREMELY expensive these days. idk what his ACV is but the repairs could easily surpass 10k...#...if anything is mechanically wrong. the body work is probably gonna be 4k minimum#and ofc i was hit by an uninsured motorist and my deductible waiver for UIMs was declined by default 🙃#so I'm uh! going through it! and driving is genuinely scary for me right now#im borrowing my roommate's car but im just on edge any time someone gets too close to me#i was rear ended at a stop light... i was stopped waiting for green and got slammed into by the other driver going ~35 mph#anyway uhh dealing with car accident stuff for multiple hours each day while also balancing my 48 hour work weeks and college stuff is rough#and that's not even getting into comign up with my $2500 deductible or (if Lawrence is totaled) trying to buy a new car#like im physically okay as of right now. it's been a couple days and no whiplash etc symptoms have popped up#but just. ugh. why me.
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I really want a new car but godddd I don't want to make PAYMENTS
#my car is fine. its FINE. it just keeps giving me little problems and i have major vehicle anxiety so i just want something reliable#BUT ALSO. i NEED it to look nice. like omg.#worst thing in the world is parking in my work parking garage - me with my pollen covered sun eaten paint chipped car#and then being surrounded by all the nice shiny expensive ATTORNEY/JUDGE CARS.... EMBARRASSING#and my friends car has this bird view parking camera thing... NUTTTTTT I WANT IT SO BAD ??????#ive decided im gonna put away 3k in savings to go towards a down payment but i can only put 200 every paycheck and i get paid ONCE A MONTH😭#i need to find 10k on the ground#any car girlies on here? gimme recs lmao
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Oh, so I got tired very quickly with doing this and gave up actually looking, but I took pictures of all the magazines my grandma has, and there's around 22 of them, and just guessing $50 a year each, 50x20 makes for $1000 a year being spent on magazines... and she doesn't even read most of them
Get tired of my family, you know?
#and yet I'm bad with money for scrounging every cent I had to spend $10k paying off a $400 a month car loan for my mom#Only have money now cause I've been holding on to those stimi checks all this time
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I think that anon belied a common misconception among many well-meaning people, too, that is actually worth addressing, wrt my donation posts: I DONT usually get money from strangers, and I DONT put those posts up with any expectations at all! Sometimes they don't work! Sometimes we get nothing for weeks on end, or just $5 here and there, and we go a month without everything that we need, and we make do with what we can find anyway.
But the thing is, when I do put up a post and I ask for money, I'm NOT asking strangers. I have a TON of connections near & far that I talk to online. I'm putting out a call to all of my friends, giving them an update, and saying, "hey if any of you is better off right now, we could use a hand!" often my friends are no better off than me, and they can't help. that's fine! Its hard times for everyone! that's why I know they don't begrudge me for asking.
In fact, a lot of my friends send me money WITHOUT me asking!! one of my IRL friends has learned to recognize when I need more help and I'm playing it down. They gave me $60 just recently, after I waffled for hours about taking their money, and finally told them I could get by the rest of the week on $30-50. Another friend, someone I've known since we were toddlers, sent me $80 out of the blue several months ago just bc she missed us and was thinking of us, and she had a little extra. Last time we talked to her, I mentioned how our food stamps got cut, & we'd be out for another week. She venmo'd me $30 labeled "pizza tears" before we even got off the phone (which I think was hilarious fwiw). A different friend recently heard that Bel and I wanted to go on a date to taco bell, and when I said we could do it for under $20, she gave me $50 and said "make sure you get the cinnabons!!!" Another friend bought me winter boots and socks this year as soon as i said i didnt have any- THE best, warmest, cosiest socks I've ever owned. Last year, one (1) of my tumblr mutuals covered my ENTIRE cost of post-op care for top surgery. I said "I'll probably need $$$" and they covered all of it! That same person has bought me groceries, meds, and gas on many other occasions, too. All of these people are folks I've known for years either thru tumblr or IRL.
Very occasionally, it's a newer mutual or even a stranger. One time, when I was still on Twitter and very early in my transition, I said something about how gender affirming my old high school Chuck Taylor's were and how I missed them so. My mutual from another COUNTRY immediately sent me $60 for gender affirming Chuck Taylor's. I haven't spoken to that person since Twitter went south, sadly. If youre still out there, I named my shoes after you, Bergamot & Jones, and I think of you every time I step outside. Another time, a guy who wasn't even my mutual sent me a bunch of binders and boxers for free. Sometimes even my old coworkers from my mall days pop up out of the woodwork and send me 20 bucks or something.
I have more stories like this. Not even just about money. Like that guy who saw me pop a flat tire in the mall parking lot and insisted on changing it for me.
I actually also never feel guilty about asking for what I need, or accepting it, and you shouldn't either. I don't like this idea that you need to grovel and be exactly This self-flagellating and full of hatred and remorse to ride and earn one (1) morsel of kindness. What do I look like, a Catholic? You dont have to apologize for wanting to stay alive. You didn't ask to be born, and you weren't the one that put a price on living!
You know what I do instead? Pay it forward. Yes, I ebeg often, yet I, too, will sometimes send $5, $10, $30 to people I care about whenever we wind up with a little extra. You can't save money as a poor person anyway, it doesn't work, so why cling to my last few pennies when someone else could use it right now? I've watched Bel give away his last $5 to a different homeless person twice since we've been living in the car. One time we stayed and had dinner with the guy and his dog. He was a hitchhiker named Ray and he was SO interesting to talk to.
There are studies that show that the most generous people when it comes to donating are NOT the people with the most money. It's the poorest ppl in the community who have been or are in your shoes, and who know how you feel, who pitch in when you need it most. Hence the community $20. The idea that panhandlers are expecting something from well-off strangers who can't empathize with us is like... kinda silly lmao, we know most of those ppl hate our fucking guts and want us dead, actually. (Are rich ppl really just that threatened by the idea of sharing that they see someone going "help please (generally speaking)!" And they immediately go "ugh, ME????? How dare you ask ME specifically for MY hard earned money?????" Idk it kinda tracks.)
I also use a jovial tone in a lot of my posts because I have to ask for help a lot, and it gets tiring to everyone to constantly hear "I'm soooo sorry for being such a needy piece of GARBAGE, AGAIN, I really hate that i have to do this, but..." because that's just The Friend Who Is Apogizing For Breathing. That doesn't feel good to hear any more than it does to say, no one likes that. And yes SOME people DO want you to feel that way about needing help- but its not going to be the people who will help you, I promise you that. Also, think about what you're saying when you talk about yourself like that. Why are you garbage? Because the cost of living is too high? Because your boss doesn't pay you a living wage? Because your landlord wrings you dry? Because you can't afford your meds or food? How is any of that actually about you at all? How does being hungry and wanting to live make you garbage???
Deeply unfortunately, you also tend to get more attention with a chipper tone and a preemtive "thank you" instead of an "oh God oh God oh God I'm so sorry I'm so fucking sorry, fuck!!!!" I also won't imply urgency where there isn't any. Sometimes we DO need money asap and it's like, we'll literally be stranded in the woods with no food if we don't get it. But other times, we need money, but like, we have time to figure it out. I save the urgency for the times I really need it.
Instead I focus on the positive: I DO have a lot of friends who care about me, all over, and even strangers who care about me, too! Those people have been keeping my ass alive for YEARS! They shouldn't have to do that! I shoudlnt have to beg to continue to use my own organs! But also, how cool are my friends for being the realest commies I know??? They're not going to just let me die out here. Why would I be sad about that? Why would I feel bad about people caring about me and wanting to see me pull through? Why would I apologize for proving that the human loving spirit is in fact alive and well? In the times when there IS less urgency, I think it's just nicer to my friends to make a lighter hearted post once in a while- you know, for the ones constantly seeing this stuff and helping me out. I think it's nice to acknowledge them in a positive way, instead of always being like "god im do sorry that im STILL BREATHING, i know you guys HATE that!!!"
Like. Idk if this is making sense. Remember that post where the person was telling their partner, "I'm just so worried that you'll think I'm stupid and want me to shut up," and their partner said, "Thats kind of mean, I wish you wouldn't think of me that way"? It's like that. If your friends and mutuals wanted you to shut up and die and feel guilty for living, they wouldn't be sharing your posts or donating to you, and it's kind of... mean? To get off on that foot. It's like we expect people to only help us begrudgingly. Thats not true at all! Donation posts are optional. Most people who reply to them do so because they're in a position to help and they WANT to, because it makes them feel good.
It's thanks to my friends that I am still alive to make all these delightful posts for them to read. They want me to stay alive because they like having me around. So i try to continue to be that presence in exchange for their love and suppport, and yes, i will incorporate that into my posts asking for help, especially if its a less time-sensitive ask. Idk like, re-framing a situation and focusing on the positive is a basic coping skill from many types of therapy and I hate to say this but it really is good for you. (Also fwiw I try to always say "thank you" to every individual who sends me money, each and every time. Sometimes they don't let me send messages back thru the pay apps, and sometimes I forget, but I try to every time.)
Plus, damn near EVERYONE needs help right now! Poverty and income inequality and chronic houslessness and chronic ILLNESS are all at ALL TIME HIGHS. Pre-covid 25% of the population was disabled. I wonder what it will look like next time we get a handle on those numbers?
So just to be clear, again: I don't expect donations to pull us out of poverty! If that were realistic, it would have already happened, ive been doing this for a decade. I don't expect strangers to have a stake in our situation, either. All either of us want is to be able to keep living our lives as best as we can for as long as we can- and a lot of our friends, and other people, DO sympathize with that. That's a point of pride for the community I've chosen for myself. I refuse to feel guilty about surrounding myself with caring, wonderful people who actually read my posts. That sounds like a pretty big win for me actually lmao.
AND I refuse to feel guilty and self-deprecating over circumstances that are out of my control and don't actually weigh on my character whatsoever. Being disabled isn't a character flaw. Being unemployable bc of my symptoms isn't something that's "wrong" with ME. Being homeless during an ALL TIME RECORD HIGH of homelessness ISNT something thats "wrong" with "me," and it's not something I would want anyone else to feel guilty over, either! These things don't determine who I am as a person or the impact I have on the people around me. Clearly I continue to have a positive impact and be a good friend, or asking my friends for help wouldnt be keeping me alive. I simply don't have enough followers to get that much money from strangers lol. And I have more followers than a lot of people (around 1500 currently).
So yeah, this is to everyone else who's ever felt horrifically guilty for asking for help online or otherwise: even if you dont have a lot of connections and you ARE asking for help from strangers, needing one another isnt a character flaw! The people who care will WANT to help anyway, period. It makes people feel good to know they can help. And yes it does make people feel better to hear a "thank you! we are still alive and happy to be here!" Over a "fuck God I'm so sorry I'm still alive and burdening you all so with my high cost of breathing!!!!" I'm so sorry that you have to have a body! Me, too, bud. It's rough, but it's gonna be ok.
Anyway needing help is morally neutral. Now im just thinking about the way the upper class has poor people at each other's throats for the perceived "selfishness" of needing help- because in a world where you are constantly burnt out from work, and the value of a dollar is so horribly out of proportion to the effort it takes to earn, sharing that hard-won effort with anyone else does sometimes feel like too much. Im thinking about the way hoarding wealth & resources & keeping them behind paywalls is seen not only as morally superior but a sign of objective intelligence and life skills, vs how the way sharing is construed as foolishness, the way needing help to stay alive is construed as greed, while the upper class that literally stays healthy and youthful and thrives on the blood, sweat and tears of the lower class gets to pat themselves on the back for being morally superior, individualist, and "not needing anyone." Kinda makes me sick when I put it like that!
Anyway. Again, needing help is morally neutral, especially in this economy, and I refuse to hate myself for circumstances that aren't my fault and for having people in my life who are invested in me and want to see me pull through. Everyone deserves friends like that, and I hope you find them.
#me#homelessness#disability stuff#long post#car living#in case you missed the context#i had put out a donation post w a lighter tone. the one w the kitty gif on it#and this anon was like soo mad that i was 'trying to be funny and cute' instead of begging desperately#but ive been wanting to make this post for a while anyway just bc so many people do this#the whole oh my god im so fuckint sorry i have to do this again im so sorry to besmirch your dash and darken your doorstep etc etc#im sorry but i really feel like the ONLY people who WANT to hear that#are ppl like my anon who spend 0% of their time helping anyone ever#and most of their time saying shit like '97% of poor people have refrigerators' type shit#(real thing from fox news a few yrs back icymi. like poor people arent THAT poor. see. refrigerators!)#the only type of person who wants to see you self-flagellate for needing help getting meds#is someone who doesnt think anyone should ever have help getting meds.#wow i couldve just said that and instead heres a 10k word essay rofl.#anyway!!!!!
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I just got a part-time curriculum and instructional coach position
#kite rambles#so now I get to put my foot back into the educational door#AND cut the time I'm dealing with customers and that pharmacist#full-time would obviously be the ideal but foot in door foot in door#yeah I'm gonna have to figure out how to divide the time up BUT#I was told it's a job on the teacher union salary schedule#so with my previous years and master's degree I'd be getting .5fte of 61k#so 30k! for 20 hours! that means that over the course of a year I'll be making 10k more than full time at the pharmacy#so I'll actually be able to save money! and not worry about rent! and maybe even get a new car when Gwen finally kicks the bucket!#so exciting!#how do I tell the pharmacy that I have a new part-time job :thonk:
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Wait something weird appears to be happening in tags hang on. Testing.
#i’ve grown the world’s heaviest cucumber – it weighs 30lbs and is so big because of my secret formula#i bought a car on facebook marketplace but now i’ve been left £4#i scooped $30million lotto jackpot but won’t stop playing – i’ve got long list of purchases i’m going to blow cash on#i’ve been kicked out of my home despite being promised it would be mine – now i’m facing massive bill after court battle#i shot to fame on my big fat gypsy wedding & made £10k a time as page 3 girl – but i’ve quit it for a very normal job#apollonia llewellyn risks instagram ban flashing bum on bed as fans say ‘you’re the most beautiful woman i’ve ever seen’#i bought an ev and regret it – i’ve lost so much money… the price of my motor is falling and no one wants to insure it#okay. test over. where the fuck are these tags coming from???#i typed in ‘i’ve’ and all of these just. came up#it doesn’t appear to be happening with any other words that i’m testing. wtf#they look like they’re weird clickbaity article titles????
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Deadass why would you turn a conversation of where to get winter tires into a you screaming at me about wasting money and turning it into a competition about how many car accidents we've both been in
#i SLID into a FUCKING SEMI TRUCK YOU FUCK#wasting money#like i havent spent over 10k on car repairs over the years from accidents alone#im still getting them but now i am just doing it without advice from YOU#my car is being held together with zip ties. literally.
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