#10hrs of travel here i come

[mitsuyeaah]

PRETTY THINGS

RAN HAITANI x f! reader

“if someone were to warn me that this was gonna happen, that you would walk into my life and ruin it, i would still let you.”

cw: cheater! ran, toxic relationship, slight angst, smut, nsfw (mdni), edging, unprotected sex, oral, cheating, degradation, pet names (baby, princess), swearing

word count: 3.2k

a/n: i wrote this in 10hrs and enjoyed it, hope you guys enjoy as much while reading it! © divider: honeypuppixels

He promised. Ran Haitani promised to you that he’d never do it again. Of course you knew it was all a lie, just a pretty little lie that had you believing he was actually going to change for the better.

What a foolish thought.

There he sat in front of you, his collarbones peppered with red and purple bruises, not from fighting. Ran didn’t even bother hiding it from you, the least he could’ve done was to button his white polo all the way up and seal those marks that didn’t belong to you—love bites that never came from you—at least that way it would be out of sight and out of mind. Like it always was.

Your eyes were boring holes onto his lower neck, thinking that staring at them hard enough would make them completely disappear from your thoughts and your sight. But it didn’t. It was still there, freshly painted due to its vibrant colour.

“Was she as good as you thought?” your eyes travelled up to meet his amethyst ones. It held everything but regret. The short-haired man across from you furrowed his brows and he looked at you like you were some kind of freak, like you had just told him the most outrageous fact to ever exist.

Ah, here comes the gaslighting, you thought.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about?… Are you going to eat that?” He dropped the topic faster than the speed of light and pointed his fork at the tasty dessert sitting on a plate, untouched. Mont blanc, his favourite.

You closed your eyes, letting out a deep sigh before shaking your head and pushing the small plate towards your boyfriend. “Ran, please. Can we just talk this out? I know you’ve been cheating on me.” Again, you wanted to add but figured it wouldn’t even make a difference.

You already knew what was going to come out of his mouth next, you always did. It was like some kind of routine at this point and you were getting tired. Tired of it all.

“I’m sorry I won’t do it again. You know you’re the only one I love, right?” he replied like he’d been practising the line since this morning. Ran didn’t even bother looking at you, he was too focused on the delicious treat in front of him, eagerly digging into it and savouring every bite.

The first time he said those words to you, you believed it. The second time he did, you swore you were going to leave if he did it again. But you didn’t leave by the third time. Now, you’ve lost count but you couldn’t blame this all on Ran. You had the liberty to leave him and walk out of his life to never return again.

But you didn’t.

You didn’t know if it was because of the failed relationships you’ve had in the past or simply the luxuries of life that Ran was able to provide you. And he provided splendidly. Ran was a man of his words, you tell him you want something? You’ll get it the next day. A big box that sat on your shared bed, topped with a red ribbon.

You always got what you wanted with him. Apparently, this didn’t apply when asking for his faithfulness and for the sake of your relationship.

The first few months were completely different with Ran, he treated you like you were the only thing that mattered to him, he looked at you like you were this precious jewel that he somehow managed to get his hands on.

He didn’t only shower you with gifts but with love as well but things changed as your relationship progressed and you didn’t know what happened to him.

Maybe it was also because Ran knew that you would never leave him. He was too good to be broken up with and you hated it because it was true. No other relationships in the past could provide you with luxuries this well, and they also weren't any different from Ran, you caught your past boyfriends with other women too.

So you thought, if I’m going to be with a cheater then why not a rich one?

At the very least, Ran provided endlessly unlike the other men you had in the past. Plus, the pleasure he gave you was… unforgettable. It was different. It felt like there was actually some kind of love laced with it despite him barely showing you any.

You knew you deserved better than to be treated like someone with no feelings but the hold Ran had on you was tight.

“Do you want Saint Laurent? We can drop by after this.”

You hated yourself for being so easy, you hated how easily he can buy back your love with pretty things and just the simple swipe of his card. It felt dirty and disrespectful to yourself but deep down you liked his materialistic approach. You always had a keen eye for the luxuries and something in you just couldn’t resist them.

Sighing, you looked away and tightly nodded. Ran smirked to himself, once again he was reassured that you weren’t going anywhere any time soon.

“I forgot to tell you, Rindou is hosting at our club tonight, did you want to go? He’d been working on some new mixes so I think he’d appreciate us being there.” he looked at you, waiting for you to meet his gaze but you never did as you nodded again.

—

A sea of bodies moved to the beat of the music blasting from the speakers, strobe lights occasionally illuminating their dancing bodies. The club was packed, as you expected, after all, it was Rindou who was DJing tonight’s club that he and Ran owned. He was good at what he did, that's why people kept coming back for more.

You and Ran sat in one of the VIP booths which had a nice view of Rindou manning the controller up on the stage, he clearly enjoyed what he did and looked so passionate up there. A small smile formed on your lips, you felt proud of him, it felt like watching a little brother grow up.

“I’ll go get us drinks.” Ran leaned close to your ear, speaking louder due to the blasting music. You nodded at your boyfriend, you didn’t need to tell him what you wanted, he already knew.

Your eyes trailed Ran’s tall figure as he strategically made his way through the crowd, some of them greeting him. Clubs weren’t really your thing but your boyfriend was very fond of the nightlife, to the point where he and his younger brother built a club. It was truly amazing.

Your fingers tapped against your lap to the beat of the music as you waited for Ran to come back with your drinks. You were about to pull your phone out from your new Saint Laurent purse to distract yourself from waiting until someone sat next to you, their arm resting on the backrest behind you and legs crossing.

You knew it wasn’t Ran.

“We’ve met before.” It wasn’t a question, it was a fact.

You turned your head to the man sitting dangerously close to you, his slightly long white hair painted in different colours as the lights inside the club bounced around, changing hues, he wore his signature hanafuda earrings which danced with every movement. His lilac eyes held your uninterested gaze, the glint in them showing slight amusement.

“Izana.” you acknowledged the man before turning to the dancing crowd, trying to spot your amethyst haired boyfriend. Where the fuck was he? You thought. Izana was Ran and Rindou’s friend, you figured he was also here to support the younger Haitani.

He tilted his head to the side, earrings swaying with the movement, “Where’s Ran? Did he abandon you?” his voice was laced with amusement and it took all your willpower not to physically roll your eyes at him. “He’s just getting us drinks…” you sighed, crossing your arms over your chest. You didn’t miss the way Izana glanced down at your chest before meeting your gaze again.

Izana rested his chin on the hand that lay on the backrest, giving you a saccharine smile, “Hmm, then why do I see his arm around a pretty stranger? That doesn’t look like ‘getting drinks’ to me.” he teased, placing his hands in the air for make-shift quotation marks.

He almost laughed at the way your brows shot up and your head snapping back to the crowd to look for your boyfriend. You saw his familiar tall figure and signature streaked purple hair, he was indeed with another woman and was getting too comfortable for your liking. You didn’t like how his hand snaked down her back, resting just above her ass.

The fucking audacity.

You were about to get up from the leather seat, anger and disappointment bubbling up but Izana swiftly grabbed your wrist, “Why don’t you come play with me instead?” you looked back at Ran, who was still conversing with the woman and back at Izana, giving you an expectant gaze.

Sighing, you slowly sat back down, earning a sly smirk from the man next to you. Two can play at this game, you thought. If Ran wasn’t going to learn to drop his bad habits then you would just have to give him the taste of his own medicine.

“Good girl.” Izana purred, the grip on your wrist slid down to your exposed leg and encased your inner thigh, his pinky dangerously close to the apex of your legs. You sucked in a breath at his brazenness, your breaths becoming shallow as he started massaging your inner thigh, “You know… I’ve always been fond of you since your boyfriend introduced us to each other. Sucks that he got to you first.”

Izana’s hand started running up and down your inner thighs, each time getting closer and closer to your panties, “Always wondered how sweet you taste. Ran, that lucky bastard.” he chuckled against your ear, hot breath fanning down the side of your neck, earning a small whine from you.

Before Izana could escalate the situation further, he was stopped by a sudden loud voice, “What the fuck are you doing to my girlfriend?!” Ran angrily set the drinks down on the table in front of you and pulled his friend by the collar. You tried to get Ran to let go of the shorter man but your pleas fell deaf to his ears.

Izana met Ran’s cold stare, challenging it with a smirk on his lips before putting his palms up in defeat. Your boyfriend forcefully shoved Izana away and watched him leave before turning to you, “I leave you for how many minutes and you’re already slutting yourself out for my friends.”

You narrowed your eyes at him, standing up to challenge him but Ran towered over your figure, looking down at you, “And? You were practically eye fucking that woman down there! You told me you wouldn’t do it anymore, Ran.” you pointed at the general direction of where your boyfriend previously was, not backing down despite his looming figure.

“I’m so fucking tired of this! Don’t be surprised if I leave you for Izana.” you rolled your eyes, trying to get past him but your attempt was halted as he grabbed your wrist.

Ran let out an unamused laugh, “You think that’s a threat to me? Baby, I know you’d never leave me. I think we both know that. Izana cannot and never will give you as much as I do.” he stepped closer to you, removing strands of stray hair from your face.

“I’m taking you home. Clearly you’ve forgotten who you belong to.”

—

Ran was merciless.

He put you in several different positions that had your eyes rolling back and lungs screaming out for him but never did he let you cum once. How cruel. The two of you didn’t even reach your shared bedroom before you started sucking each other’s face since Ran was restless on the drive home.

There was an evident tent in his pants as he manoeuvred the car which made him shift uncomfortably against the smooth leather seat. One hand gripped the steering wheel while the other was stuffed into your cunt, his slender fingers already pleasuring you. His middle and ring finger relentlessly thrusting in and out while occasionally rubbing your clit with his palm.

Of course he never let you cum then.

“Ah—fuck! Please, Ran!” your nails scraped against the marbled countertop of your kitchen as you braced yourself with your arms, head bowing forward in pleasure as your boyfriend slipped his long cock inside your cunt once again. Tears were rolling down your cheeks—some already dried—as your body was engulfed in pleasure, again.

He was so mean. Ran fucked you until you were almost cumming before pulling out and changing your position, leaving you clenching around nothing but pure disappointment.

“Hm? Please w-what, baby?” he let out a raspy chuckle against your ear, bare chest pressing against your back. Ran sped up his thrusts which caused your shaky arms give out against the cold marble surface, you were now chest flat against the countertop, arms splayed on either side of you, he used your bent torso as a leverage by circling one hand on your nape and thrusting even deeper.

You swore you could feel him in your throat.

Your moans became higher and louder as Ran pressed his chest to your back again, while reaching for a leg, and propping it on the countertop allowing him to reach even deeper, which you didn’t even know was possible until tonight. He supported your leg with one hand while the other snaked up to your hand, lacing his fingers with yours, his palm making contact with the back of your hand.

You bit your lip, whining at how deep he was inside you, your forehead making contact with the cold marbled surface, you slightly felt the friction on your forehead as you bounced forward due to Ran’s unrelentless pounding but you couldn’t care less, he was giving it to you so good and you were taking it so well.

Skin slapping and squelching sounds filled the whole house along with erotic sounds that Ran pulled from you, the tension hung thick in the air as you were nearing your high.

“Please let me—mhm! Let me cum, please baby.”

Ran breathily laughed at your desperation to cum around his cock but he wasn’t done with you. He was going to break the stubborn walls of your attitude until you knew who you belonged to.

“I’ll think about it. Fuck!” he gasped, burying his face into your hair, occasionally sucking and licking at your nape.

You clenched around his length, vision slowly turning white and head spinning from pleasure, you were about to cum. Ran knew you were close with the way your breaths came out very shallow and with a slight moan at the end, he also didn’t miss the way your cunt gripped his cock like a vice which had him clenching his teeth, eyes slightly rolling back.

With that, Ran pulled out once again, earning a desperate cry from you.

“Who do you belong to? Me or Izana?” he stayed pressed against your back, while he panted the question into your ear, his hot breath making you shiver and giving you goosebumps.

You were too fucked out to even reply. Your mind housed only one thing, to cum. So when he asked you the question, you couldn’t properly get a response out no matter how much you tried. You stayed panting against the countertop, condensation forming from your repeated shallow breaths.

“I asked a question, slut.” he forcefully shoved two fingers into your cunt which earned a whine from you. “Y-you! Only you, Ran.” you sobbed, you just wanted to chase your own high.

Ran positioned his dick to your entrance and entered in one thrust, causing you to curse out loud, “That’s right you belong to me and only me. You wanna know why? Cause I’m the only one who can dick you down this good.” He started thrusting, immediately returning to the previous pace he’d set before, balls harshly slapping against you.

“I know you’d never fucking leave me because you’ll always come back for this expensive dick. Such a whore for my dick and all the things I buy you, huh?” he laughed. You couldn’t even reply to any of his mockery at this point, all you wanted to do was cum so you just nodded at everything he said, giving him occasional ‘yesses’.

Ran’s hips didn’t falter once which immediately brought you close again, a fresh set of tears rolling down your wet cheeks, “Ran, baby, I’m cumming. Please let me cum.” you whispered, voice hoarse and throat sore from all the screams he forcefully pulled from you earlier.

“Fuck! Cum for me princess. Cum for this dick that you love so much.” he groaned against your neck, he was also nearing his climax. The way your walls clenched down on his dick had him rolling his eyes to the back of his head.

You came with a loud moan, hands balling into fists against the marbled surface and toes curling, pleasure engulfing your whole body. A familiar intense sensation shot up your spine which caused your legs to shake and back to arch against Ran’s torso.

Ran bit the skin on your shoulder, cock buried deep inside as his hips stilled right against your ass, he clenched his hands around your hand and the leg that he was holding up, knees almost buckling from the intense pleasure he felt as hot thick ropes of cum shot inside you, making you shiver.

He rode out your orgasm by quickly pulling out and getting on his knees to attach his mouth to your exposed cunt, earning a surprised yelp from you. Ran lapped up all your juices before sucking at your clit, his tongue rubbing tight circles on it which had you practically pushing him away due to overstimulation.

Your boyfriend got up from his knees, legs slightly shaking as he pulled you towards him, wrapping his arms around your front and burying his face in your hair, “I love you.” he whispered.

He didn’t mean that.

You knew he didn’t mean those three words. But you closed your eyes and convinced yourself that he did, even if it was just this moment because you still love him despite what he’s openly done.

And it was foolish. You knew that but you couldn’t bring yourself to leave him.

Maybe someday you’ll be free from your clouded senses and finally leave Ran but as of now, you remain indifferent.

You were young and blinded by the pretty things he had to offer, things you’ve never seen before and if you were to meet him again for the first time, you’d welcome him with open arms and let him ruin your life.

After all, there wasn’t quite anyone like him.

© mitsuyeaah

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

hello readers. AITA for visiting a friend in another country before visiting a different friend in a different (neighboring, but still a good 7-10hr trip) country?

some context: friend 1 and i have been online friends for over a decade. by reasons of circumstance- they're a few years older than me so they could travel easier, their family is more affluent whereas mine couldn't shell out ~1k for an overseas flight until i was able to make that money myself as an adult, they had already graduated college and could travel easier than when i was still in college and could not (summer was technically an option but friend 1 hates hot weather and getting sweaty, so they always wanted to meet up in colder months, which limited my schedule)- the four times we've been able to hang out in person, they came to visit me instead of vice versa. the 4th time was a couple years ago, and they purchased tickets at the start of that year (2022). however, at the same start of that year, i got involved in a new community and met a lot of amazing people, especially friend 2, who quickly became one of my best friends in a short amount of time. it was just one of those instant connections, y'know?

anyway. fast forward about six months. since friend 1 was already coming here towards the end of 2022, and there was no refunding those tickets, friend 2 and i wound up making plans to see each other. but they couldn't easily afford the plane fare, so i decided to go visit them in their home country instead. part of the reason i never had done so with friend 1 before was bc i just wasn't mentally ready to be so far from family, in a different country, by myself - i had a lot of anxiety about such a long trip. i still had some now, but after going through covid and such, i changed a decent amount as a person, and wasn't quite as anxious anymore. i had also moved out, so i was more used to being away from family by then.

the trip with friend 2 wasn't going to happen until 2023. when friend 1 came to visit, however, they found out about the trip (by apparently looking through my likes on twitter, where friend 2 had made a post about it) and completely broke down. i had been trying to figure out a way to tell them, but had a feeling that any method would result in this exact reaction, so i had put it off, until i was unfortunately proven correct.

further context: friend 1 and i have never been great at honest communication. this is a fault of both of ours, but i feel like i am able to admit it more honestly, apologize/own up to it, and try and make changes. we met young and immature, and the majority of our talk over the years has been superficial, solely about fantasy characters. when i got too busy in college, and my time/interest in characters declined, i felt more and more like our relationship wasn't as fulfilling. i was afraid to bring this up because on two separate occasions in the past, when i mentioned hanging out with other friends (and in one if the situations, which was an online game, i invited friend 1 to join us) i was immediately ghosted by friend 1 for a few days. so i stopped feeling able to bring up any plans with friends going forward, for fear they wouldn't take it well. i made up excuses and lies when i DID hang out with other people to explain away my absence (we were used to talking daily, but it felt like an obligation after a time, as they'd always ask why i wasn't online for a day). obvs, none of this is healthy, but it led to how i (mis)handled the current situation.

friend 1 found out, we had a lot of difficult talks on a trip that was supposed to be fun, and throughout the remainder of the trip i basically felt watched for whenever i was on my phone - lots of passive aggressive comments dropped about how "they wouldn't use social media on a trip like this, bc they could just do that at home". i was accused of being in love with friend 2, bc why else would i wanna go visit them so soon into a friendship, of not wanting friend 1 to even be here, of "holding something that happened years ago" over them (the ghosting) when i tried to explain why i didn't tell them. (i don't hold the situations themselves against them anymore, but it's had a profound interaction on how i conduct myself in relationships now). they said that they wanted to be my first international experience, which i get, but in my mind, it's two completely different countries, and they were already coming to visit before these plans were even made. they also made it clear they didn't care about the circumstances, friend 1 just wanted to be "my first" no matter what i said. i felt/still feel like that's too controlling, basically asking me not to go hang out with friend 2 bc i didn't adhere to their timetable for it first.

i had an amazing time with friend 2, and it was just an overall more comfortable experience. i still feel like i owe friend 1 a visit, even though i don't see a long future for our dying friendship (and even, if i'm being very honest with myself, i don't want to go visit them). personally, i'm fine with this - we've just grown into different people imo. but they don't have many friends, and had a couple rough ghostings from previous friends of their own, so i feel guilty about wanting to call it quits on ours, which again i know they won't take well. i just don't think we're compatible anymore, but even so, this whole situation has continued to eat at me even though it's been nearly a year now. i keep wondering if i really am in the wrong here, if i wasn't as considerate as i should have been, if i shouldn't be so blase about ending a decade+ friendship.

so, AITA for visiting friend 2 in their country before friend 1?

[chiefbeifongcanrailme]

Director's cut for Laws of Physics pls??

*Cracks knuckles* I'm finally getting to this. Every time I started typing this, I'd get overwhelmed but just how much I have to say and by this point, I've been putting it off for way too long.

It all started because of the Avatar Sunken Ships Week 2021 event that prompted me to write a modern AU. Before this, I had honestly never considered it mostly because I'd grown tired of the amount of modernization we see in books and media today. There's always a text conversation or internet stalking and somewhere, the appeal of the Avatar universe had to be the absence of these things. So when a modern AU was kinda thrust on me, I decided to have fun with it, until I realized, it was thoroughly self-indulgent and it way more fun than I imagined.

At the time, I was in grad school, in love with one of my professors- but obviously, nothing could happen there. As a kid, when in school, I was sooo nosy about my teachers' personal lives. Taking both those two aspect of me together, I decided to go with a university setup- that way I'm only writing adults- I don't think I care to write kids- no offense to anyone.

So, coming to Laws of Physics I thoroughly enjoyed writing it. Clearly, I had a lot more to write and establish in the very first chapter, but I ended up speeding through the foundation and gave it my best. Most of the comments I received implored me to consider writing another chapter to it. And while I often get comments like that, I learnt that not all fics should get a second chapter (wink, wink, nudge, nudge- if you know which one), however, some, like It's Time to Make Time did so well.

And then, one day I was in lab during a 10hr experiment and I had no music or anything to keep me occupied, so my brain travelled to Linumi land- more specifically, the outline to Laws of Physics. So, while I sat there, isolating cells from the very tissues I harvested, I decided Hiroshi Sato should be a part of this as Lin's ex and manifestation of daddy issues. That Asami and Mako could make a great background pair.

That I could have each and every single character from canon "play" whatever character I wanted them too- a fictionalized version of sorts of themselves.

The rest pretty much wrote itself. I wanted to spend more time on Bumi and Lin's relationship because that's where the fun is- the sneaking around and the drama. And because of this, I ended up writing Physical Laws too, a little prequel to my modern AU.

Without spoiling too much, so far, we have learnt some about both their pasts. Bumi used to be married, and Lin used to be in a relationship (another secret relationship) with a much older man with whom she almost had a baby with. Bumi has a very loving family and an adorable pet bunny, Bumju, while Lin, doesn't have a great relationship with her family. If I have Mako in the fic, he obviously has a big crush on Lin- it's not something I can help. Asami kinda joined the fic by herself, I never asked her to and then obviously Hiroshi's her dad so I was like omg DRAMA, get in here girlie. Would you like a Mako on the side?

Since it's Lin x Bumi, the fic often takes goofy turns and cooky romantics but that helps balance out the drama which as of now, isn't heavy, but may dip in that territory soon.

I look forward to getting out the whole story soon.

Thank you for the ask!

Fanfic Writer: Director's Cut

[blightbear]

3, 5, 15, 40 for mori'na and solas <3

hiiii, thank you for asking!! <3

relationship asks

3. What is their love language?

I think quality time definitely, they both enjoy others company and just having someone to bounce their ideas off of. But also small looks and touches. A look across the main hall, a brush of the pinky for reassurance. They have a lot of small tells (they’re failing spectacularly at keeping their relationship mostly under wraps).

5. What is something they like to do together?

Sit in silence together but where they’re both doing their own thing. They’ll often sit in Mo’s chambers while she rifles through and fills out reports and he’ll either be reading or sketching in a book mostly of her. Sometimes they’ll make little quips like Mo being baffled by Orlesian customs or talk about their upcoming travels. Or Solas would help with Elven vocabulary and in turn Mori’na will provide him with a sign for some of the words. They just like being in one another’s company.

15. How do they comfort one another when the other is upset?

Mori’na usually keeps a distance, giving Solas space to reach out to her. Will usually leave those frilly cakes he loves on his desk or a salve she made that helps with sleeping and then with a little note. That usually gets him to open up a bit more and Mo offers a hug in comfort.

Solas…I would say it’s awkward for him at first, his company for thousands of years were spirits and they don’t have shifting emotions like the living do. He’s been learning though. He’s come to offer his council, yet he’s learned that she gets more angry if he offers ‘solutions’ so he rather just sits there listening and allowing her to vent. She’ll usually figure it out mid vent, but if not then he’ll ask if he can offer his opinion.

He’ll also draw her a hot both during a rather stressful day. Josie had slipped in a little tidbit during a reports conversation about Mo mentioning it at some point or another. She even slipped him a recipe for a bath salt concoction that includes scent information that she’s secretly been asking her. He’ll imbue some magic in the water to make it stay warm. Mo tries very hard to get him to stay but he’s the face of self control and leaves her be he’s really not she can see how red the tips of his ears get when she asks and the fluster in his voice

40. What is a song that reminds you of the OCs' relationship?

I have a multitude of songs for them several playlists with one of them being over 10hrs long so here’s a few recent ones that make me think of them (with a short explanation because I’ll take any chance to explain my reasoning lol)

Lovesick by Laufey

“When the gold rays fell on your skin / And my hair got caught in the wind / The choir sang a melancholic hymn”

This makes me think near the beginning of their romantic relationship, right after the Fade kiss, and the nostalgia surrounding it when they look back. It can be read from both perspectives, both of them going mad over it. A melancholic hymn because Solas knows it can’t last.

Love You Anyway by The Marias

“Maybe, I may never find the words to say / Wait another lifetime so that I could stay / I know that you've always been in love with me / But I know that you've also had to watch me leave”

Maybe in another life. That’s all.

Skeleton Key by Flower Face

“Did it break your heart / Or did you see it coming? / Led to the edge of the world with the sun in my eyes / When I'm back in that dream / And I'm running forever / I wake up with your hands on my lungs for the rest of my life”

They’ll never be rid of each other, both of them haunted, both of them with hands on their lungs never letting them forget that the love was there.

[dailynumget]

July 11, 2023.

Dear Dermy,

I ended up staying at a motel, which is twice the amount of my travel fare. Either that or no sleep. It's weird sleeping at a motel alone. It was an okay room. Cheapest one for 10hrs. It has airconditioning and free toiletries. It smelled like smoke though, so I have to get accustomed to the smell.

Woke up after 4 hours and almost didn't sleep until it was 2 hours left. Shower was good at least. I haven't had warm bath in a while. I wanna stay more but my rent time is up.

People are looking at me weird because I'm alone. But I'm used to it by now.

I still have several hours before I go to work. So I went to the nearby mall to eat but didn't see anything that I liked.

Went to a better mall which is really huge. Almost got lost, but knowing me, I get lost all the time. I then arrived to a ramen place that I haven't eaten in a while.

Those are braised pork and this is probably the best ramen yet. Sadly, all I could ever think about is sharing it with you. I wish I could've. It was a waste because I can't finish it at all. I'm already used to eating a small portion.

Hitched a ride with a workmate in his motorcycle on the way to work. And here we are today. Working as always.

I wish there would come a time that we could share the best ramen this world could ever offer. I miss you.

Love,

Numget.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[bonvoyagenoona]

Hellohello! I am back from yet another week of traveling & a few days of being sick. 😅 I've been meaning to write you since I came back from work but haven't been feeling well since, but now I'm feeling good enough, I am here!

I definitely thought I had read everything you had put up until I decided to re-read The Road To You. I had almost 10hrs of flying to do in one day & thought it would be good to bring with me, but then I realized! I had not finished reading this one the first time! Not quite sure how that happened but I remember up to Taehyung's beginning & then nothing else. Thank goodness the flight was practically empty, cuz ma'am you had me crying! I had a colleague sitting across the aisle & there I was trying to cry as silently as possible!!

Now, nothing much happens in my life. In contrast with a busy career, my personal life is honestly so dull. And yet, reading your work makes me feel seen. I guess that's how art works right? I see bits and pieces of me in your characters, may it be MC or Yoongi in the way he wants more. One day, when I get my thoughts organized, I would love to write about how your work makes me feel. Thank you again for coming with me this time. 😊

Ahhhh Ruru! I'm so glad to hear from you! Are you feeling better? Since our last messages, when I've thought of airports, I've thought of you, and I thought of you when I heard about some recent snowstorms and canceled flights. Are you well? I'm hoping you're home and cozy!

Thank you for bringing The Road to You with you! I hope the tears were good tears. And I completely relate. Work can engulf so much of our lives. It's a huge part of my life right now, which makes me a little sad because I've been aching to write more. Work can demand so much time and effort. And the scale of your work! Look at you globetrotting, flights as if they were daily commutes! So I'm very grateful when you invite me to travel with you, and we can explore our inner lives together. These inner lives might be rich in a different way, but they're so rich and vivid and real.

Yoongi, in the way he wants more... I don't know if you relate to this in particular, but it's something I've been grappling with myself. What do relationships look like? What does life look like? Especially now, when we have so much more. A lot of personal stuff regarding love and life went into that Yoongi chapter. Thank you for seeing it and hearing it, and thanks again for feeling the feels with me!

Whether we're talking roads or skies or life, it's very nice to have a travel buddy 💜 Wishing you all the best, and sending you smiles!

[kuratoki]

Distance 07

Annyeong~! Its been a HOT MINUTE since I’ve last updated and I’m sorry to everyone who’s checked in to see how I’ve been doing and such >< Life got REALLY hectic over the last three months....you see...I may have gotten MARRIED!! Oppa and I have been together for a long time and this past summer we finally tied the knot!

Leading up to that, I was also working 6 days a week with 10hr days and working on my YT channel so I was stretching myself wayyyyy too thin to really think about posting ><. But that does not mean I forgot about Distance!! I was actually working on it during my downtime to try to complete it so I could start posting again but it was only this past week that I finally got the editing done so over the course of the next few days, please enjoy the next few parts of Distance. If you’re new and checking things out, you can find the Masterlist and all the other parts here.

Once again~ I’m so sorry for being gone for so long and I’ll try to be more active in the future ><

There wasn’t a day Jeno didn’t regret not making things official with you sooner. What he also didn’t expect was his soon to be ex best friend to act on his feelings towards you either. Now a whole continent away with a ten hour time difference, will the two of you survive the distance and all the obstacles that come with?

Genre: Fluff, Angst

Pairing: Ballerina OC x Dancer Jeno

Words: 4322

Warnings: Cavity eating Fluff :x

~Tag List: @mikachu-28​ @peachykrystal​ @jenoleeaesthetic

The next morning, the two of you were woken up by both your cellphones ringing simultaneously. 

“If it’s Jaemin I swear to gjgksd.” Jeno said muffling his face into his pillow and hit the reject button only for his phone to ring once more.

“Its seven in the morning, what could you possibly want?” you grumbled into the receiver after you opted to answer it instead of let it go to voicemail. 

“We’re on our way down and we’ll be there in two hours.” Renjun said, sounding more awake than usual, “Everyones skipping classes today since it’s Friday. Jaemin and Soonyoung are driving.” 

“But its so early.” you whined as you heard Jeno grunt in agreement next to you, “See even Jeno agrees.” you heard Jeno mumble again, “He says to  tell Jaemin to stop calling him.” 

“Jaemin is not going to stop calling him till he answers” Renjun stated as you heard laughter in the background, “And we’re in different cars. I’m with Soonyoung, Yukhei, Yeeun and YangYang. Everyone else is in Jaemins car.” 

“Fine, we’ll meet at our place first and decide what to do after.” you said stretching as you felt Jeno let out a high pitch squeak from his pillow and you felt his hand reach for your leg, “See you soon.” and without waiting for a goodbye, you hung up and rolled over to your companion as you felt him envelope you in his arms and nuzzle your cheek. “What’s wrong with you now?” you asked as you heard him giggle slightly. Now that was something you never heard.

“You told Renjun that you’d meet at our place.” he whispered in your ear and you rolled your eyes, turning in his arms as he readjusted so his hand rested on your waist.

“Why are you such a big puppy?” you asked curiously as he shrugged, leaning down to rub his nose against yours.

“A puppy only for you.” he confessed with a sigh, “You know how I am around everyone else.” 

“An introverted pain in the ass?” you asked with a smirk and Jeno raised his eyebrows and raised one of his hands in a warning, wiggling his fingers for emphasis.

“Final answer?” he asked in warning as you gave him an innocent look. 

Quickly rolling away and getting out of bed, Jeno barely caught your answer.

“Final answer!” you said quickly, running out the door towards your bathroom, leaving Jeno there to contemplate what you said. 

Jeno sat up quickly and threw a playful glare towards the open door, “Y/N!!!!!!” he yelled but only got a muffled answer that he couldn’t even make out. He was actually hoping to sleep some more but with you awake now, there was no point. Running a hand through his hair, he yawned, reached for his glasses and looked around the room with a smile. He was glad that you approved of the decor and how there were mixtures of the two of you throughout the space.

At first he wanted to do a his and hers theme but he also liked having your stuff mixed with his. It made the room look homier, there were more pictures of your adventures, some of your clothes that Jeno had taken from your home hung next to his in separate closets. He had done this all himself and with some decoration help from the girls but he wanted to make this place special for the both of you.

Some would question why he decided to settle down so early, he was young, good looking and was in a good place. He knew he could have any girl he wanted (well maybe except Hana), but he had tried picturing a life without you and he didn’t like it. He tried picturing you with someone else and even the thought of Jisung still slightly aggravated him. He was selfish and wanted you for himself because no one understood him more. Did he love you? Somewhere deep down maybe and in time the words would come out but right now, he was just content being in your presence. You were his best friend, his travel buddy, his everything. 

Reaching over to his nightstand, he took out a jewelry box and looked towards the door. Should he? It’d been on his mind for quite sometime and judging by how you reacted the night before to him making his place yours as well, he was sure he’d receive the same reaction. 

“Staring at your bed won’t make it make itself you know.” you said from the door and Jeno looked up to see you freshened up in leggings and one of his button downs that looked like a dress on you. Walking over and sitting next to him, you ran your hand through his bed head.  “Hello...Earth to Jeno Lee…I swear Renjun was right about the aliens switching you from an alternate universe. You haven’t been yourself lately.” you said, poking the side of his head and he turned to look at you with a playful glare which you returned with an innocent smile.

“You look good in my clothes.” he commented and you looked down at the light blue shirt, “But you do know you have clothes here too right?” 

“Yours smell like you though.” you said grinning and laid down next to him on the bed, using his open arm as a head rest. You let out a content sigh as you felt your muscles relax, “I don’t know why, but with all the stress from the show...Jisung...this is the first time I feel...content.” you said feeling Jeno’s fingers tap lightly on your stomach as he hummed, rolling over so he was hovering over you before sitting up straight. 

“I want to give you something.” he said as you craned your neck to look up at him with a raised eye brow

“What is it?” you asked and he placed the small box on your stomach.

“Open it.” he said and you reached forward but he slid the box further down your body, giving you a playful smile. 

“Jeno Lee” you growled as he continued to move the box, before finally settling on your abdomen. 

Finally getting a hold of the box, Jeno let go of your legs and helped you sit up but made sure your legs were still thrown over his. You looked at him curiously as he urged you to open the box and ever so slowly, your fingers lifted the wooden cover and just by the feel of it, you knew whatever it was, was expensive. 

“Jeno you did not…” you said and gasped as you finally saw what it was. Inside the box was a chain and two intertwined rings on it. You recognized one of the rings as his Representative Rings he got back when you were at the same dance academy. He had given it to you as a birthday present and told you to hold on to it since he wasn’t big on wearing rings back then. He said it messed with his dancing and you couldn’t figure out what he meant but accepted the gift anyways. The other ring on the chain you couldn’t recognize.

“That’s my NCT Junior Club ring.” Jeno explained as you fingered the silverband, “Everyone who enters the club gets one with their name engraved into it and the year they joined. You get a nicer band when you become a senior. The rumor is that if a member gifts their significant other with their junior ring, then they’re bound to be life partners.” 

You turned the ring so you could see the inside and right there was Jeno’s full name and the year he entered but there was also something else engraved next to it and you gasped.

~Forever my Soulmate~ Y/N 2020

“Jeno Lee..” you gasped softly and felt him wrap an arm around you, burying his face into your hair.

“Be with me.” he muttered and you almost didn’t hear him, “I don’t want you to go back to Europe knowing that Jisung is there and that he might make another move...At least...if you say yes, I’ll have a reason to beat him up if he does..” 

Pulling away from him you slapped his chest, “How many times do I have to tell you that violence solves nothing?” 

“And how many times am I going to remind you how hurt Jaemin was when you punched him?” he asked laughing as you shoved him slightly but obviously he was not moved, instead pulling you closer, “But what do you say..? Can we finally put a label on whatever we have now? Can I actually call you my girlfriend and not best friend?” he asked, his voice full of hope, “Not that we need a label or anything, it’s just that Jaemin and everyone else always bugs us and I know we agreed to go at our own pace but I really really want to call you my girlfriend.” he rambled and your hand on his cheek stopped him and the two of you shared a peaceful moment of silence.

“Put it on for me?” you ask, handing him the box and Jeno grinned, leaning over to kiss your forehead knowing that it was your way of answering his question. Taking the necklace out of the box, you held up your hair as he fastened the clasp around your neck before bringing you into his arms and snuggling his face into your cheek as the two of you laid down once more

“Best day ever.” he murmured, peppering your face with small kisses, making you giggle as you wrapped your arms around him, “You don’t think it’s too fast do you?” he asked, “I mean, we’re just getting to know each other again…” 

“You did ask me to move in with you last night.” You deadpanned, “I would think that we’re going backwards.” 

“It just felt like the right time.” Jeno reasoned and you snorted thinking of the reality of the situation.

“We’re eighteen, both with at least two pieces of property under our names, have pretty much settled down and are lucky enough to have a future secured for us. We’re not your typical teenagers.” you stated and Jeno chuckled.

“Yea, but we were never considered normal in anyone's eyes anyways so why start now?” he asked and you couldn’t help but agree with him as you shared a comfortable silence before he got up, bringing you with him. “I should get ready. Jaemin normally scrapes off ten to twenty minutes of time if he’s had his hell drink.” 

“He’s going to die of a caffeine overdose someday.” You commented, making your new boyfriend chuckle. Straightening out the shirt, you reached for one of your belts you saw in the closet and wrapped it around your waist. “When did I give you permission to raid my closet?” 

“Talk to me after you return all twenty hoodies that I thought went MISSING.” he called over his shoulder as he walked out of the room.

The first group to arrive was Soonyoung, Renjun, Yukhei, Yeeun and YangYang. Jaemin had offered to pick up breakfast for everybody and was a few minutes behind. The two of you met them at the elevator and Yeeun was the first to embrace you before anyone else.

“Y/N!!!” she squealed, making you laugh before you were pulled away into Yukhei’s arms.

“Jeno took off with you so quickly yesterday that we didn’t even get to greet each other.” he said kissing your cheek and you pulled away to face the other three and waved while Jeno greeted Yeeun and Yukhei with the same enthusiasm, maybe even more. 

“Hey guys.” you said to Soonyoung and Renjun who both gave you hugs and you turned to the last person,  “Sorry we didn’t get to meet formally last night. I’m Y/N.” you said holding out your hand.

YangYang grinned and shook your hand, “It’s nice to meet you. Everyone has only said good things, especially Jeno over there.” he nodded towards the trio who were walking further into the space, joined by Soonyoung and Renjun.

“Yea…” you said, turning back to look at the blonde boy you could call yours, “Don’t believe everything he says, he tends to stretch the truth.” you said scratching the back of your neck awkwardly and motioned for him to follow you, “Do you want a tour?” 

“Sure.” he said as you started to lead him through the apartment while everyone else lounged around. Jeno said he had to step out quickly but would be back before Jaemin got there.

After leading him upstairs, YangYang really got to look at the apartment as a whole. It was larger than most and he’d never seen an apartment like this in Korea before. There were floor to ceiling windows throughout the apartment, including the upstairs portion. It was a unique design and was definitely custom made, looking at you as you waved at Yeeun below, “The design of the place is so unique, I’ve never seen anything like it. Does your family own it?”

“Oh no. I don’t own property in this city.” you said shaking your head, “This is Jeno’s place.” 

 “You mean Jeno’s parents?” YangYang clarified, confused and you shook your head again.

“Jeno’s parents were the developers of this building which is why this specific apartment has a unique design. It’s two apartments designed as one.” you explained, “His parents gifted it to him when he turned eighteen.” 

“Shit really? So this place is all Jeno’s?” he asked looking around and you giggled, used to newcomers reactions, “how does he afford to maintain the place?” 

“He pays the bills and his family takes care of the people who maintain it when he isn’t here. Cleaners come once a week and they even stock the fridge if we give them enough warning but we rarely do. We tend to eat out or buy or own groceries on our way here anyways.” you explained and YangYang seemed surprised. 

“So Jeno owns this whole place.” he said and you nodded, “And his parents gave it to him when he was eighteen?” you nodded again.

“We spent a lot of weekends here growing up and the occasional spring break.” you said, “he spent a lot of time here after he learned how to drive and his parents just thought it made sense.” 

‘Just how much money does he have?’  YangYang asked himself and you continued the tour and YangYang continued to look around in awe. He paid extra attention to the photos scattered around the apartment. Mostly of you and Jeno growing up and in a tropical country or in a dance studio and birthday parties. There were many pictures of Jaemin as well and a few of Hana and this person he’d never seen before. 

“And that’s pretty much it.” you said as you ended in the kitchen, “Feel free to help yourself to whatever you want, the fridge is stocked with a few drinks and snacks and so is the pantry.”

Around the same time, Jeno casually walked into the apartment with a bouquet, bypassing you and YangYang and straight into the bedroom before coming back out empty handed. 

“Where did you go?” you asked as he came to stand with the two of you and greeted YangYang. 

“Jaemin asked me for a favor at the last minute and I had to pick something up.” he answered, “I actually saw them pulling into the parking garage so they should be here any minute.” 

“I cannot believe this place is yours.” YangYang said as he and Jeno made their way into the kitchen as you went to sit with Renjun. 

“It’s ours.” Jeno said nodding towards the couch where Renjun was inspecting your new pieces of jewelry, holding in his chuckle when Renjun let out a very audible gasp which gained the attention of Yukhei and Yeeun who were now hovering over you with looks of interest. “I asked her to move in with me yesterday.” 

“Woah, already?” YangYang gasped as Jeno shrugged, handing him a drink, “Don’t you feel like it’s a bit early? We heard that the two of you started connecting only in the last few months.”

“Felt like the right time.” he answered and chuckled when he saw Yeeun engulf you in a big hug while Yukhei ruffled your hair, giving you a large smile, “It’s a long story but we have too much history for us not to try and honestly, she’s the only one I can see myself settling down with.”

YangYang wondered why he felt a sense of deja vu as he listened to Jenos story when he heard the chime of the elevator signalling that the rest of the group arrived. 

“Took you guys long enough.” Yukhei called as Jaemin and the others walked in with various bags of food and you got up to help Hana with the few bags in her hands. 

“The order got held up.” Hana explained as the two of you hugged each other and she smirked seeing your necklace, “Nice piece of jewelry you got there girl, is it new?” she whispered as you giggled.  Jeno had confessed that both Hana and Jaemin were in on his little surprise since it was Jaemin who had hooked him up with the person who combined the rings and Hana had found the box on the kitchen counter when she and Jaemin went to hang out at his house. She had found it cute and promised that she wouldn’t tell you about it. You were surprised that she had managed to keep a secret for that long. 

“You should ask your boyfriend. I’m sure he can hook you up.” you said shooting her a wink before going to greet Chenle and the others who were with Jeno and YangYang. Once you were within arms reach, Jeno had brought you to his side and Chenle looked between the two of you suspiciously. 

“So did Jeno finally grow some balls and ask you out?” he asked out of the blue and suddenly you were holding your boyfriend back from wringing the Chinese boys neck while you, YangYang and Xiaojun laughed. 

“Wait so you mean you weren’t together already?” Xiaojun asked surprised, from what he’d heard about your relationship, he assumed that the two of you had already been together for a while now.

“I’ve been away for a long time and we’re still kind of reconnecting.” you explained, meeting the other boys eyes, “we’re official as of this morning.” 

“That’s cute.” YangYang commented as Tzuyu rolled her eyes.

She still couldn’t understand why someone as perfect as Jeno would date someone as plain Jane like you. He deserved someone better, someone who would compliment him in terms of looks and skill. Granted, she had only seen you dance once and thought that it was nothing special. She still refused to acknowledge the look of love from Jeno’s eyes that he only directed towards you. 

“Yep, proud neighbours for fourteen years.” you said and motioning to the food, “I’m sure you guys are hungry after that long drive. Make yourselves at home and if you need anything, let us know.” 

“Thanks. Do you mind if we look around after? I’ve never seen a design like this before.” Xiaojun said with a smile as his eyes met yours, you felt the arm around your waist tighten as you smiled back.

“Sure, Jeno can give you the tour.” you said grinning up at said person who looked down at you with a raised eyebrow, “We’ll figure out our plans for the day after.” 

Pulling away, you made your way over to Jaemin and Hana, squeezing yourself between the couple 

The three of you along with Renjun updated each other on the happenings between the two Continents. Hana once again apologized for not talking to Jisung sooner and you brushed her off. You considered Jisung one of your closest friends and no one could have predicted that he’d make a move on you, especially after knowing that you belonged to Jeno. 

“Have you and Jeno talked about it?” Hana asked and you shrugged. 

“Kind of? He asked if I’d talked to him since the incident but Mia and Chan took away Jisungs phone since he has to focus on training camp. Obviously we get the occasional updates but from what we’ve heard, he’s one of the top 3 in his group.” you explained and Renjun nodded in agreement. 

“He just needed to focus on one thing. You could tell that whenever he had a bad day he’d always run to you but without you there, he’s pouring his soul into his dance because he thinks it’s all he has.” Renjun added, “I’m very impressed. We won’t be seeing him till we get back to Europe for rehearsals but thats only when we drop in.” 

“Where would Jeno be when he starts?” Jaemin asked and you grimaced.

“Jisungs class. He’s one of the nominees for captain of the new competition team if he makes it through and the students in that group are top tier. He’ll be spending a lot of time observing the group to make decisions.” Renjun answered chuckling and looked at you, “You guys need to get your bull shit together cause once rehearsals start, it’s half a year of responsibilities and thats for all of us. Jeno and Jisung are going to be around each other a lot in a few weeks and I’d rather not have the first fight of the season be over you.”

Jaemin examined your new piece of neck jewelry with a smirk. 

“Well by the looks of it, Y/N and Jeno got their shit together.” he commented, toying with your necklace, “What did you think about the bracelets?” 

Silence fell among the group as you looked at one another and Jaemin looked like a deer caught in headlights. 

“Bracelets?” you asked, looking at Jaemin with a raised eyebrow and he shook his head quickly, realizing that he had spoiled a surprise and Hana gasped.

Turning to the kitchen where Jeno was conversing with Yang Yang and Kun who had shown up with Sicheng and Yuta he could feel your demeanour change as you made eye contact and his eyes shot to Jaemin who looked guilty.

He then realized that his best friend had ruined his surprise that he’d kept from both you and Hana who had only known about the necklace. 

“Wait so there are bracelets?” Hana asked, looking at you and Jeno sighed shaking his head. 

“Later, after I teach Jaemin how to keep his mouth shut” he said, wrapping his arms around you from behind the couch, throwing a glare at his best friend as everyone gathered around with plates of food, “First, what’s the plan today? Everyone kind of showed up a lot earlier then we were expecting.”

“What were YOU two going to be doing till dinner?” Jaemin asked in a teasing tone and Jeno smacked him on the back of the head.

“Not spoiling other peoples surprises, thats for sure.” Jeno said with a glare as Jaemin looked at him innocently, “I have to spend a few hours reviewing audition tapes and work with Soonyoung on who to call back for the first two schools we’re going to.”

“Y/N and I were planning on going to the studio for a bit to work on a routine and condition. Anyones welcome to join us if they’d like.” Renjun said and you nodded in agreement.

“I kind of just want to chill out till dinner.” Yukhei said, “Is it cool if we hang out here?” 

“Whatever you guys want.” Jeno said, “The rooms upstairs are all vacant, assuming you plan to stay the weekend. Jaemin and Hana can have Y/N’s old room and theres three more for you guys to choose from.”

“Do you not mind?” Xiaojun asked and Jeno shrugged looking at you and you shrugged right back. 

“Of course not. We kind of expected this.” you answered with a giggle, “Anyways, if you guys want to head to the studio with us, we’re gonna leave in ten.” 

In the end, Xiaojun, YangYang, Yuta, Sicheng, Jaemin and Hana decided to go with you while the rest stayed back. At first you were wary about leaving Tzuyu alone at your apartment with your boyfriend. It’s not that you didn’t trust him or anything, but Yeeun had shared with you an interesting fact that made you skeptical about her innocent image.

As you walked by the bathroom to your old bedroom, you heard voices coming from inside and you realized that it was Tzuyu and Xiaojun and it sounded like they were arguing? From what you could pick up, Tzuyu was upset that both he and YangYang were going to the dance studio with you and Renjun and Xiaojun kept telling her that she could come too. Apparently Tzuyu didn’t want to be around you and you could clearly hear Xiaojun scoff, telling her that its her problem. You felt someone wrap an arm around you and you held in your gasp, looking up to see Jeno looking at you with curious eyes.

Holding a finger to your lips, you motioned towards the closed bathroom door where the voices were still coming. This time, Tzuyu sounded upset while Xiaojun sounded frustrated.

“You were the one who dumped me Tzuyu, not the other way around. We could’ve had what the two of them do but you decided to screw it all up when you dumped me for someone who has zero interest in you. They’re cool people and you can’t tell me who to and not to be friends with anymore.” Xiaojuns voice boomed through the door.

[marvelousb]

7.10.21

Back again, baby is napping only momentarily I’m sure. I need to vent today about several things so this post might be very scattered and as always, full of fussy baby pauses... 

To start, my in laws came over today, which is par for the course I suppose when you have a new baby... my husband told them to wash their hands when they came in as little guy hasn’t had any shots yet and I’m slightly a germaphobe. It’s also the thing to do... They also smoke so I find it just common courtesy to wash your hands. Well, they said no and he didn’t push the issue, so they just didn’t wash their hands. He and I argued about it after they left and he’s now turned it into me ‘always needing an issue with his family’ when my main goal is just the safety of our little guy. (Fussy baby pause). If you’re thinking “you could’ve pushed it yourself whine ass” you’re right... but I don’t want to be “that mom” or “that daughter in law” who is always coming after them about this or that. We have these rules in place for a reason and my family follows them without issue, so I guess I just wish they had taken the thirty seconds to wash their hands. That’s all. 

Next on my list of complaints, this fucking biostatistics course. I’m not sure if any of you are math wizards out there but if you are, I’m calling on you to send magic to me so I don’t fail this course. I’m sitting RIGHT below passing right now but we still have three assignments that need to be graded (and two to be completed on my part)... The final is due on Sunday at 11:59pm and I haven’t even started. It’s currently Saturday, 3:15pm. I dread the assignment. I dread this course. I’d simply retake it next term but this teacher also teaches the next one that’s available so it’s really no change. 

And finally, my last major complaint (it’s a long one)... I’m stuck. I don’t know how to explain it really, but I feel that I’m just a mom now and not so much a wife or a friend, just a mom. That’s my job and my only focus, being a mother and I suppose trying to be a housewife. I’ve left the house once myself without the baby and it was a fucking disaster. My husband literally called me crying a few hours into my absence saying he didn’t know what to do... and for a new mom, having your husband cry and hearing your fussy baby over the phone, it sent me into all sorts of anxious thoughts. My husband would certainly never hurt the baby... but I do understand why there is always a risk of shaken baby syndrome when parents are sleep deprived, frustrated, and cannot soothe baby at all. So, since that night (I had tried to go to work) I haven’t returned to work and haven’t left the house without little one in tow. I love spending 95% of my time with him, really, but I wish I felt that I had the freedom to leave as my husband does. He goes to work for 9-10hrs/day, goes to see his friends and run errands and things alone... and I’m just here, with a baby, 20/24 hours in each day... and that’s just a rough guess. It’s probably 22-23 most days. I get a break usually to shower and sometimes to eat dinner, usually not both in the same day, but it has happened. I miss seeing my friends. I miss my old freedoms. I fucking MISS adult interaction that’s not paused repeatedly by a fussy baby and doesn’t just consist of snapchat and messenger exchanges... Even spending my whole day with another person, I just feel so alone.  I think that’s everything, now to the things I’m feeling gracious about so I don’t  feel like a negative prick.

I’ve lost a majority (and then some I think) of my baby weight. I’m trying to be body neutral and just be happy with where I’m at day to day, but I sometimes fixate on what clothes do and don’t fix me, it’s a work in progress. 

My stats class is almost done and I suppose even if I fail it, at least it’s over and I maybe learned a few things. 

I’m in a positive psychology course so once biostats is over I’ll be able to spend more time focusing on that (hopefully) and I think it’s really interesting.. 

I was offered a new job, in hospice, for $35/hr which is the most I’ve ever been offered without being a traveling nurse or working with an agency. I’m not sure when my start date is, but hopefully soon so I can get back to some parts of the ‘pre mom’ me. 

I found a reputable daycare for the little guy that is supposed to open up in August or September, they’re moving to a brand new building but we have a spot reserved. This will also cut back on the time that my husband has to care for the baby alone while I’m at work, just on the weekends since daycare is closed. I think that’s all for now. There’s always much more to be grateful for and I’m not blind to the many blessings I have, just needing to get some things off of my chest today. 

[xpagaduanx]

A BLOG IN CREATIVE NON-FICTION 2020

                                               SYMPOSIUM 2019

The symposium of General Pantaleon Garcia Senior High School is rarely to happen, it’s either once a year or within that months. The symposium talks about the reasons and why you are still living in this world no matter what happens in our life we still have a choice to do in our life. The symposium talks about life itself, our purpose, reasons, and the goodness of our life, we may have a problem in our life and struggles that we face everyday, our own family or friends that we feel embarrassed at some point of our lives, but we as a human it happens for real. Furthermore we end up suicidal thoughts and the worst is killing ourselves, I think this generation we need to act fast because depression might trigger a lot of things for instance suicidal thoughts, hurting yourself or the people that surrounds you. Then this organization called “Kabataan Iwas Droga Movement” or for short term (Kid Movement) is a non- profit organization based on cavite, the main purpose of that group I think is to Enlighten our generation that no matter what happens in our life we should not stop but to think and act that you will become successful person someday. “KID MOVEMENT” taught us to become the best version of ourselves and to the society this organization not just talk about the bad effects of drugs and how will affect your life and not just a simple symposium but the essence of how you think and act to a particular situation. God provides everything that you can imagine to your life, not just me but us. Kid movement is all about accepting God your savior in life, God gives us courage, protection anything that you can imagine. When you have a problem speak to God, when your in doubt speak to God and everything will be fine as long as you have God in your  life and accepting it. To this end the symposium taught me and us, that no matter what happens in life just keep pushing, everyday is another day that you will have to appreciate because you have a purpose in life that no matter what it takes, as long as you have God you are protected. For this end the symposium makes me have a value.

                                         CYCLING IS IN MY BLOOD

Cycling gives you freedom from anything just cycle it out! I started my cycling journey when I was 16 years old,that year was 2016 my dad bought me a bicyle because I really want to ride a bike, and at that time my birthday was coming also at a young age I learn to ride a bike. I remember when I was a child my first ever bicycle was bought by my tito ed and that was the day I learn I remember that he push me towards the road and luckily I able to balance it at that time, as the day pass by every morning I rode my bike, and practice it at that time, I remember also my sibling rode my bike and I see them on the street and I get angry I rushed to go outside and complaining why you are riding my own bike, I was selfish at that time because I only see it for myself, also I was child at that time as the day pass by I start gaining some confidence to rode a mountain bike. My childhood friend has a Mountain Bike at that time, and I tried to borrow it because it looks so cool and interesting in my eyes, my friends bike is more taller and its big that’s why I like. When I tried it I feel I nervous but in the first try I got it because my first bike is just like the same you all need to master the balance when you are riding a bike , when I tried it it feels good because I cannot believe im actually riding it. Year’s pass by I stop riding a bike because I don’t have one at that time and almost year im not actually riding a bike I miss a lot riding a bike. Lately I thought I need to buy a bike because it was my childhood companion it takes a month before my dad bought me, and luckily it was my 16years old birthday, and surely he will buy me one as a gift, I tried looking and doing some online research about some brand in bikes, there is so many wonderful bike there and expensive too, as the month passed by my dad bought one in Cartimar and famous for bikeshops around manila I feel nervous and excited because I actually riding a bike again for almost a year im not riding a bike, the bike looks is cool and I like the color and brand, and most of all the performance of the bike is also good after that im actually a biker, I started riding first with my dad because he also bought one that month after and started riding with me. Riding my bike gives me freedom from anything it gives a calm mood and a healthy physical aspects, I ride more with my bike and going places to places that I actually never done, to this end cycling gives me freedom and relaxation when I ride it to places and that’s why it is in my blood. 

                                 REACTION TO PERSONAL NARRATIVE

                                  MY REACTION TO LALAINE CELEBRE

Lalaine’s mom said that “She deserved this punishment” I laugh at that part because it seems that her mom picking at lalaine like a joke, because lalaine is going to enrolled at General Pantaleon Garcia Senior High School. Lalaines mom is the best! Because mother knows best and I believe to that saying because look at lalaine now she mention that she became a Responsible student, be friends with anyone and have a confidence to speak at front, she basically get out of that comfort zones, in lalaines previous school looks like she’s on a chilling side but when she got to enrolled in pantaleon things got work out, she became good at something and I think that’s the best part is to see someone grow and grow at some point of their lives, because you never  know when you meet someone be nice always, because you only see the success not the struggles of that person. To end this reaction applaused for lalaine and his character she became good at something.

                                           FACIAL RECOGNITION

                                         CARBON, FLORIAN MAY

     Carbon Florian May, I called him Carbs for short she was my classmate since Grade 11 I know him pretty much anything that’s why I pick him as a facial recognition topic. Florian carbon it’s not just about beauty outside but also inside that I like to him. Carbon  eyes is like a glazing stars that shines within the night and entrance to her wonderful soul. Her smile makes your day brighter than yesterday, and lastly her whole character that shines within inside and outside. That’s carbon my wonderful friend and good too, in terms of friendship and companion I would like to flex her chubby face, that’s why I use the cringe one so we basically think that beautiful face are always seen in outside but not, its always inside that lives within that.

                                        LITERARY JOURNALISM

Tokyo- Japan

Fourth person dies after being taken to a hospital that coronavirus continue to spread in cruise ship in japan, local media reported on Tuesday February 25.

Public media and other, said the victim was man in mid eighties, Yomiuri Shimbun saying the man had tested positive for the new Novel Coranavirus and died of pneumonia.

The World Health Organization respond to confirm the incident

Three more Japanese, died because of Ncov,after becoming sick on the ship. Two more confirm to have the new coronavirus, the health ministry declined to report on the following cases in Novel Coronavirus.

                                                TESTIMONIO

My family is all good at time when I was a child we go outside and have a dinner or light night trip dad was drinking at that time because he loves it to release his problem and straight it out but time passes by and we rarely do anything like we did before things got out change and we need to accept the fact that we don’t do this again because of dad been drinking all night long, I doubt myself at that time because how will I manage this kind of situation how I will act to it, but you know problems in our life, we don’t need to stay at I must move on I said in my mind, because if you stack to that you have a depression at some point of my lives so I started to make a change. I started doing small things that will end up on big things I started to manage my stress also I will tell my dad not to drink too much I started to hang out with my friends and basically to show an improvement to myself that I know it will last. I see myself before as a chill guy but now things have changed I value little things, I accept my flaws and insecurities right away, so to this end realized things that I don’t do before, I need to improve and move on unto problems and just go.

                                      VIGAN PHILIPPINES (TRAVELOGUE)

    Vigan is the oldest and coolest place I’ve ever been there are a lot of nice people and food too. We go there last february and I must day it’s the best feeling when you go there with your father, it’s a bonding time with him, ilocos sur also is my province and vigan is only a kilometer in there when you are going in there of course if you are in manila a bus trip will do. We go in ilocos for a 10hrs travel time from manila, a must say it’s sitting pretty on the bus, but you will enjoy a lot because you will see a lot of trees and scenery by the highway. After we arrive in ilocos, it’s quite cold rather than manila, but I still enjoy the nice people in there and also food, here we go we go to vigan for about an hours, so we arrive there I think afternoon and there are a lot of people in there and cobblestones there and houses too nice food and pictorial sights thatn we enjoy a lot, I recommend anyone to got there because it’s UNESCO world heritage site, that I sure you will enjoy a lot, vigan is spectacular for what I expect for, and indeed it’s fantastic.

“IN MY LIFE” (AUTOBIOGRAPHY)

Wesley Matthew Manansala Pagaduan

           October 26, 2001 the day when I was born on this wonderful world, my name

Inspired on the actor “Wesley Snipes” an american actor and the Matthew came from the

Bible. When I was a child, I was raise by parents and I must say it’s the best feeling when your parents raise you. When I was a child, my most memorable moments are playing with your friends and nothing compares to that, also the memorable one is i have a bike

that made my childhood awesome, as the day goes by my life changes when I was stepping into adolescence the fear and shyness comes in, because the surroudings change and the environment that made me feel inside a box. When the days passes by becoming a teenager its hard but its worth than you think cause your passion will enhance new people you will meet and lot of things that happens in your life, when we move to cavite new opportunities and new life begins, because in cavite we have a new house that I feel super welcome, to the point that iam excited about a new chapter of my life, new people,  new classmates, and new environment that I feel excited about. Cavite is the new city, there are lot of establishments and new food to taste from, that I really like in cavite, today in the present day, I thanks God for the everyday blessings in my life the another day that I have a courage to do tasks regularly, and I realize that “The two most important days of your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why.” Mark Twain

Hyacinth Kate Villegas Villanueva (BIOGRAPHY)

    Hyacinth Kate or Kate as her close friends and family call her is a 17-year-old girl, born on the 14th day of March year 2002 in Muntinlupa City, Alabang. She has one older sister, Gabrielle Amanda Villanueva who's in her 2nd year of college at Adamson University. Her parents are Joahanna Villegas Villanueva and Edmundo Crisostomo Villanueva who both works at The Bank of the Philippine Islands.

At age one, her family moved to Imus City, Cavite and is still residing there up until now. Growing up, she used to go to Bicol which is her mother's home town and in Bayanan, Muntinlupa which is her father's home town for vacation.

At age three, her parents decided to let her experience schooling at a daycare in Muntinlupa city, but things don't always agree with her. She wasn't ready for schooling yet, so her grandfather dropped her out. Now, she is a Grade 11 Humanities and Social Sciences (HumSS) student at Del Pilar Academy. She plans to take Broadcasting Communication in College. Ever since she was a child, she wanted to become a lawyer but fear is conquering her which made her thought twice and decided to open up for other opportunities. In her 10th grade, she was introduced to Radio Broadcasting. She joined the Division of School Press Conference (DSPC) in the Radio Broadcasting field. Her team did not win but she took this loss as an inspiration to open up new opportunities and to decide what she wants to become.

Aside from broadcasting, Kate's passion is music. As a child, her father opened her eyes to music. She listens to music every time. Her preferred genre is more on the alternative rock side. She sings and always dreamt of learning how to play instruments. But never succeeded because she thinks she lacks time on learning.

As of now, she is looking forward to accomplishing all her responsibilities not only to herself, her studies, her family and friends but also to her community happily and willingly. She expects that she's not the only one who's going to be successful in the future but also her family and friends.

[seanhakuba]

Part 1 - To Japan

I’d known it was coming but it crept upon me real fast. Here’s what Japan and the associated travel arrangements have been like so far.

My Japanese experience started early, and this was before I had even boarded the plane. As I sat at the gate (way too early, I might add), a Japanese man sat himself at the mini grand piano situated near the entrance to the gate lounge. He played a number of songs, but most notably two core pieces Spirited Away, an incredible anime film from years ago. It was wonderful, whimsical and also about the only music I would have wanted to hear as midnight approached. I then realised two things:

1. The Japanese man was in fact a very talented young Japanese boy travelling with his mother, and;

2. I should wear my glasses more often.

I met my 10hr friend when I sat down on the plane. His name was Dante, and he was going to go work on a ski field too. The whole thing sounded a little odd, but not enough so that I think the 19 year old will end up as a victim of human trafficking. The flight was good though - I slept on and off, watched two halves of different movies and chatted to Dante. So, I would say, thanks to Japan Airlines, that I was ‘humanely trafficked’.

What I realised as I went through customs was that a vast majority of Japanese people have a more solid grasp of the English language than the vast majority of Australians, are much more likely to help, and are less likely to call you a ‘dumb cunt’.

As I attempted to pass through customs, I was ushered off to a side room. I was initially concerned that they might be getting their long rubber gloves ready, but it was actually just to sign a couple of pieces of paper and be handed my temporary residency card, so I had puckered my butt for nothing. My upcoming Yelp review will reflect my disappointment.

I was greeted at the gate by a Japanese man, which is probably about what you’d expect when arriving in Japan. He was dressed in a smart suit, which truly highlighted, in my mind, how much of a hot piece of garbage I actually was at the time. He had my name on a card ready for me, and while I’m not sure if I recognised the name or if my brain had latched onto the only non-Japanese writing it could find, but the system worked and we walked to his taxi bus.

I have to assume that my Japanese isn’t at a high enough level to allow me to read my driver’s name, as it seemed to be written in more complex lettering. I also have to assume that his name is not ‘Takushi’ which is Japanese for ‘sound it out if you haven’t got the joke’.

That said, he had pronounced my name as ‘Seen’ when I had arrived, so either he had issues pronouncing my name or he was practicing ghosting irl.

I must be exhausted. I put a movie on as soon as I got in the taxi. If Jason Statham fighting a giant shark can’t keep me awake enough to also take in the sights of Tokyo from a passenger seat, then I don’t know what will.

I passed out as the taxi was slipping along the highways of Tokyo, and was confused when I awoke to find myself surrounded by seemingly unending mountainous hills. Having spent so much time in Melbourne, I had completely forgotten that the wold was not actually flat - in that regard. I woke up in the mountains somewhere (Saikoji/Uenohara) for a rest stop. 5 hours to go. I ordered some food through a screen at the insistence of a nice Japanese lady. I had no idea what I had just ordered, but it had been reasonably tasty! So, as long as I could withhold from projectile defecating in this nice man’s taxi, I was calling it a win.

He spoke briefly to the other passenger in Japanese before addressing me with a cheerful ‘One more stop!’

As we climbed further and further away from Tokyo, it started to get colder, snow started to appear on the peaks that surround the snaking valleys and then, out of nowhere, I realised that hoo boy we must be about due for another rest stop and I shouldn’t have been drinking so much water in the bus.

Japanese money doesn’t feel real. I felt like I just bought a bottle of water with Monopoly money - you know, if Monopoly money had coins and important Japanese people on them and was less likely to cause a riot after a family dinner.

Another rest stop. The trope of Japan being more wild and eccentric than the rest of the world rings reasonably true to certain extent, though it is also true that theirs is a rich and complex culture; soaked in generation after generation of respect and tradition through thousands of years, blended with the present and ever-evolving technological age in which Japan sits highly regarded as a powerhouse of ingenuity and invention by the rest of the world.

So yeah, I used one of those cool Japanese toilets with the magic dials, seat-warmer, calming music and the jet of water that shoots up your ass because at this point paper is just an archaic concept being hold onto by the western world.

But yeah, pretty good.

I also made it to Hakuba. More on that later.

All in all, whilst I had not received a full body cavity search at the airport, spending nearly twenty-four hours in transit still left me feeling like I had -

exhausted, vulnerable and with a REALLY sore butt.

[nyruratchet]

Time...

“...Why you punish me?”

So, I explained last time the situation regarding the creation of my music...monetarily. But let me explain and expand on how my time is utilized on a monthly basis.

If I haven’t made it clear, I hate my job. But here’s the thing, it’s flexible (for the most part), has benefits: (insurance, free-ish air travel, scheduled pay increases). Cons: passengers are allowed to treat crew like shit, always working with new people (that you may not mesh well with), anyone you try establishing a relationship with has pre-conceived notions/little to no faith you will ever be around, pay SUCKS until you get REALLY senior (7+), and...more, but I digress. But that flexible schedule, albeit limited, has afforded me the ability to work on music; until it doesn't. 

See, I was getting “comfortable” in my work situation a few years ago until certain a situation beyond my control forced me into deep debt, bad credit, and deeper depression. In order to fix all of this, money is needed. How do u get money? Work more. More work leads to more depression and sometimes health issues. So, I’ve been stuck in this seamlessly endless cycle of paycheck to paycheck living. And my desire and NEED to work on my music has not helped it (as explained in the previous blog post). Every time I get a bit more money, it goes to my craft. 

See, after you put all that money into creating art, you have to then put it OUT there. And in the case of a performer, you need to do live performances. That is a whole other situation in itself. There are lots avenues to get live performance experience. Open mics, concert showcases, live cabaret/karaoke bars, etc. Guess what THEY ALL COST MONEY. But not only money, LOTS of excess time is involved. 

This past spring, I was dragged into a showcase by my producer friend (who I’m partially in love with but he’s straight...but that’s another story). In order to do a showcase, you have to apply for acceptance. Applications involve you submitting current work and having a worthy social media following (which you have had to spend constant time building). Once you fill out the application, send the files and info, PAY your entry fee ($25) and receive your acceptance, you then have to sell tickets. Yes, how do they get people to come to the showcase? By having YOU bring them. And if you cannot find people to buy your tickets, all of those tickets come out of YOUR pocket. So, I was given 25 tickets to sell (last minute mind you); 25 tickets to sell at $20 bucks each. So, if I don't sell them, I owe the company $500 dollars. Yup, that’s correct. In order for me to perform my original content on their stage, I needed to make sure they got their $525 and help them get people in the venue so that they buy drinks at the bar (which we were given ZERO drink tickets for). Now before stepping on stage, you don’t get a sound check. So, you show up early before everyone to check in and simply check they have your correct music file(s) then wait...and wait...and wait. But your music has to be edited within their restrictions (this means more studio time. Remember, studio time =more $$...just making sure ur following me. Too many times you’ll hear big recording artists talking about how they have just sat in studios for hours creating a song from scratch. Yeah, only if you are signed to major label is this a thing! But anyway...back to the showcase.) 

Needless to say, I did everything I needed to. But I had some help since I asked to do this last minute and told them UP FRONT they would have had to get that unsold ticket money from me in blood. I landed from working a redeye the day before, got a nap in, did my vocal exercises in my car on my way to New Jersey, checked in and sat there. Since some people didn't show up on TIME, I was abruptly grabbed from drinking my whiskey at the bar and told “YOU’RE ON NEXT!”  Being the seasoned professional that I am, took that shot to the head, said “Actually, that’s not my slot...but ok, I’m ready.” NO SOUND CHECK, NEVER given TIME on the stage beforehand...I went on. Sung my ass off with a standing ovation from the judges. Then, went back to drinking with my friends who were in shock because they had never heard me really sing live. Then I had sit for HOURS while mediocre “rappers” and “singers” rapped over pre-recordings of their own vocals. Finally, they were ready to announce the winners. I won that sucker.

But what did I win? ...A promise to be put into another show... *DICK FACE*  No money to recoup what I just spent getting to this moment. No free promotion on social media to help me and my art. NO, some bullshit. So, I took the experience fore what it was and cut my losses. I got some exposure and was able to test out an unreleased song...but besides that. Nothing but wasted time and effort. I left there feeling somewhere between elation and disappointment. Not to mention, I was exhausted; I had done all this after working my full time job, and had to work again the next day. So all I had time to do was drive home and sleep. 

“Like a wave bashing into the shore...

Since this, I have had some money issues and mental health issues, so I have just barely been able to work on music. On my days off, I have to sleep and get back in the groove of being a real person instead of a redeye zombie. Then when I’m feeling slightly normal, I’m back to work...it is a vicious, irritating, restraining cycle. I’ve tried working shorter flights so I’m home more; nope, the pairings (schedules) for those flights work you in a way that leaves you feeling raped. My company will build a pairing with a duty time of 27hrs and only pay you for 15-17 of those hours. DOESN’T MAKE SENSE. Then on top of that, your rest time at the hotel is set to 11hrs...WTF?? 

Let me explain this for those of you with normal jobs. On these pairings, you are schedule to work a number of flights each day. So, 3 day pairing means you work 3-4 flights each day and have 2 layovers. Now lets say FLIGHT time is 1.5-2.5 hrs each (8-12hrs). Then you land from your final flight for day one. We’re usually delayed at our carrier...honestly, rarely on time. So, you have minimum rest at 11hrs. BUT, before you can leave the aircraft we have to get all passengers off the plane, CLEAN the seats, wait on our shuttle which is probably late if your pilots are sucky human beings and haven’t called ahead to make sure they’re there (Pilots aren’t required to clean; just us lowly peasants). So, by the time you get to the hotel, down to 10hrs. If you get there and rooms are ready, great. IF NOT, another 20-30 min or longer. But, lets say you’re down to 9.5hrs now. Get to your room. Hopefully your key works, air/heat works, no one is already in you room (yes...it happens all the time), room already cleaned, no bed bugs, and you aren’t by a noisy ice machine/elevator. You then have to shower and eat. Let’s say you get all that done in an hour. You now have 8.5 hrs to sleep...BUT WAIT, the van is scheduled to pick you up from the hotel 45 min to an hour before you are supposed to report at the airport and you need to be dressed and ready to make that van. So instead of 8.5hrs, you actually have 7hrs at best to sleep and pop outta bed, get dressed and properly ready to do the shit show all over again; all the while, knowing they are really only paying you for the time you spend on the aircraft, AFTER THE DOOR IS CLOSED AND THE BRAKE IS RELEASED. Time before like boarding, checks, delays? nope...no pay. Just us waisting our fucking time. Literally.

Why, is this? cuz everyone does it is the answer. That is how all airlines do it, so you have no leg to stand on. Got a union, the company retaliates like a reprimanded toddler. Now as I said before, once you get to be a super senior in your company and can choose what you want to work, when you want to work, in the position you want to work, getting $40/hr at base hours and a crazy amount for premium (overtime) hour, etc. the job is GOLDEN. (Unless that company gets purchased/merged.) But for a young person/flight attendant in debt, living in NYC, with a high cost of living, life ain’t fun. I tried living in New Jersey for a lower cost; that came with its own issues. I’ve taken out loans, became a hermit to save money, worked holidays, etc. Dug my hole deeper is what I did. And I’m pretty good at setting goals and managing my time and getting things DONE. But for some fucking reason, life is not working in my favor. This job is not working for me. I see younger people coming up behind me doing LITTLE to no work, getting musical accolades with trash “music” (I know, matter of opinion...but really. C’mon now), young white/latino/asian twinks shaking their ass for anything that breathes and getting rich men to pay their bills or marry them, all the while telling me they just want my BBC or other racist BS like that (Yes, I have receipts) and I’m just like WTF AM I DOING WRONG?! Have I spent my time stupidly? 

And the most recent shit that really hurt my feelings: If any of you remember (to the three of you reading this lol), a few months ago I posted about help getting into bartending. Well, I had actually asked a friend in person before that about bartending and if he knew any directors who could do a music video. This “friend” told me “no, not really”. Didn’t know anything about that, he just does movies and short films (which I’ve donated to his kickstarters for btw...) but no one who he thinks does music videos. THEN, I asked this same “FRIEND” how much he would charge to be IN a music video, as I had a song (the one I won the showcase with) that he would be perfect for as it deals with subject matter he rallies for. I wanted to help his career out in turn by help my video out, because I’m ugly and having beautiful actors in my video would be a better sell (as again, I need this song to make money. He then tells me me, he’s not sure how much he would charge for that. SEVERAL MONTHS LATER...this bitch releases a music VIDEO to his NEW SINGLE about a SIMILAR SUBJECT!! Without promotion, he gets instant 2.2k hits on the video on youtube. MIND YOU, he would always be shy to sing around me and I told him, “you need to give yourself more credit. You have a beautiful voice.” Meanwhile, I’m asking for some knowledge from him, and he wouldn’t help me with ANYTHING. I have NEVER asked for a hand out. Just tell me where the door is, I will get in even if I have to pick the lock. But he not only pretended he didn’t know where the door was, he was holding the keys, had lock picks on the side and duplicates to share; But, for whatever reason...didn’t want to share that with me. Even though, I was going to include him in MY art without any thought and was willing to pay. Now, I have some thoughts on why he did this. But seeing as I’m on the verge of tears, I’ll end on that note.

...You wash away my dreams.”

[rebeccabunchesofoats]

I'm going to put this out there as a weird prediction for the show.

I think Rebecca's endgame is going to be Jason.

Now ....HERE ME OUT

She first met Jason in "I'm Going on a Date with Josh's Friend!" in Season 1 after Heather set her up on a tinder date. She was awkward. He was confused. She left him blue balled and that was it. He was never mentioned again.

But this season he has been mentioned twice (maybe three? This is all off the top of my head rn). Once when Rebecca was starting to get back in the dating game after prison and then this past episode where they're actually on a date.

In the episode where rebecca and Valencia travel to NY to see her mom for the award, Rebecca is all excited to move on officially as a healthy individual. She's putting the whole truth out there and not hiding what she's done anymore. Jason swipes whatever direction is a "yes" and she remembers him and texts him. The show seems to show their texts rather positive and something we should be excited about with Rebecca until he cancels at the last minute. The show tries to play that oh she was too honest, but if that's true why is he back-back?

I get the theme right now is her exes are all there and she has to face them and Jason kinda counts, but does he?

Like Jason knows so much about Rebecca— it was all on her profile in explicit detail and maybe the cancellation before wasn't a stand up but true cancellation. (In honesty can't remember the wording of his cancel text (it's 2am hussh), so bare with me and be nice pls). He did end up going on a date with her, a genuine one, but with obvious notions that both parties are down to play after. It showed them talking briefly ad enjoying a full meal not bar drinks. Rebecca's sexual frustration being the main focus of her plot with the episode.

Valencia herself even points out how comfortable they seem, and how they seem facinated by each other's quirks, like him pooping in the trashcan. He even sent a photo and Rebecca wasn't turned away. Rebecca explained in gory detail what was combusting in her vagina and he was cool about it, probably not feeling as thrown out of the house. They seem to have an honest relationship going on, opening up personally (though not emotionally yet).

In the end Jason comes over and they seem to be well rounded. They were gonna do some kinky stuff; they found a happy medium until the exes appeared and Jason seemed intimidated and startled, thus leaving. Rebecca's clearly upset at the intrusion, wondering what everyone wanted to tell her, and Jason's departure.

Now could it all be sexual frustration sadness at not getting laid ? Maybe. There's a high possibility actually.

Jason is a minor character. There's never any press about him and fans don't seem to talk about him from what I observe. So maybe this post is all hogwash. Or maybe the show is expressing through Jason how comfortable Rebecca is and happy in herself at making her own choices, while also displaying by it being Jason that you can go back to something that didn't end on the right note and make it work as still new and fresh.

Or maybe we'll never see Jason again and I'm over reaching cuz it's 2 am and I worked a 10hr shift today.

Thoughts?

[spirits-n-giggles]

Fuck the U.S.

Not only are we lacking the time to do thus, but do you know how fucking EXPENSIVE it is to travel? I make $10 a fucking hour. I barely have money to pay bills, let alone go to a different country. For most of us American's, it is considered a luxury to just drive your car to the next state, and I have to be careful with that because my car has over 100,000 miles on it and if my car is out my whole life is out. It's 800 miles from where where I grew up as a child from Texas to where I am now in Oklahoma, I don't have the car to travel like that. Hell, this past October year was my first time seeing my childhood home since I was 11 and that was considered a BIG trip for me.

My mother and I have to split everything down the middle for us to survive in the house we live in. I work in childcare one week, and a part time nanny the next - then I rotate again. My mom also has 2 jobs, one for Walmart and one for Uber/Lyft. Even with the monthly retirement checks from my dead dad doesn't cover it all, and my mom is due to retire soon, and when the time comes for her retirement, she will have to decide whether or not she should trade my dad's retirement for hers, or to keep working the rest of her life so she can continue continue get ANY kind of government help. She has health insurance, only because she pays a premium for Walmart to help her, and if she quite the curse that is Walmart, then she will lose EVERYTHING including her health insurance. I am not so lucky. In the state of Oklahoma, I (a person that makes $10hr every other week) apparently make too much money to apply for "affordable" insurance, so I get to pay over $300 a month should I choose to pay any type of self worth on my life.

And I am considered middle class here.

I am in NO WAY a bad case. I have it great here in America compared to the thousands that I see sleeping under bridges in my city every single day and night. But even here in the "great" state of Oklahoma, they have stated taxing homeless people saying that they need a fucking PERMIT to beg for money or else they get locked up.

Fuck the U.S. -oh wait... we already are.

[12rabbits1trenchcoat]

Rules: Answer 21 questions and tag 21 people you want to get to know better.

tagged by @velociraptortilla

Nickname: ive had a LOT of em. mostly rn its just "grey," tho im somewhat secretly really picky about who im comfortable using it and when

Height: 5'5" or 166cm. :/

Last Movie I saw: Captain Marvel, tho im probably gonna rewatch Treasure Planet soon bc ive been really feelin it lately

Favorite Artists: not sure what type of art this means but uhhhhh on here its lanternist, princecanary, nappotuna, elentori, and several several more but those are the first that come to mind

Song stuck in my head: this one orchestral version of MGMT's Kids i heard on 8tracks at like 1am last night Changed My Life. also ive had Nuno Leão's Portuguese cover of Camila Cabello's I Have Questions stuckin my head for a few days, now. look it up on youtube, it's good

Do I get asks: not really

Other blogs: i made another one for my survey but since ive got all the responces i need and the survey is now closed, the blog is of little use to me. side note: the survey was a success! thanks again to everyone who participated or helped spread it around! im working on the paper now. everything should be done around mid-April

Following: 543, tho a lot of those are inactive now

Amount of sleep: rare good night is 8hrs, weekends are 4 or 5 hrs, average weeknight is 6 or 7 hrs.

Lucky Number: i go based on the number's vibe at the time more than anything, but 6 and 7 are usually safe bets. a lot of single digit numbers are meaningful to me, actually. really 3 thru 7 and also 9. 12 is good. 21 and 23 are good in different ways. hm. i guess the best answer is 7, thats might be my favorite. bright red.

What I’m wearing: still morning here, so im in bed in my pajamas. loose baggy pajama pants and an old black t-shirt.

Dream job: i start my first year of university in the fall. i'll be majoring in mechanical engineering. in a perfect world, i'd go on to get a masters in robotics. i want to be wherever innovation takes me. i want to make robots, yeah, but i also want to apply robotics to other areas. and i kinda wanna do a little of everything else, too. martial arts, swordsmanship, storytelling, writing, drawing, international travel, fluency in other languages, a jack of all trades.

Favorite food: honestly put a runny egg yolk over it and it's intantly ten times better

Dream trip: i l o v e big cities, so seeing new york never gets old. i wanna see tokyo. id like to learn Japanese and actually live for a while in Japan to work and study in one of the world centers of robotics innovation. also it just sounds nice.

Play any instruments: i used to be one hell of an oboist, but oboes are expensive, so now that im not in a band anymore, i dont have access to one. i play a bit of guitar, just whatever ive taught myself over the years messing w the one sitting on my room

Languages: I'm only fluent in English. I took two years of German and I retain what I learn, so I don't speak any usually but I'm not half bad at hearing/reading and understanding it. I know only the very very beginnings of ASL, just enough to get by, really. I'm slowly learning more from webinars in my spare time

Random fact: im perming my virgin hair today bc why not i guess

Describe yourself as aesthetic things: battered knuckles, scattered papers, ink covered skin, freckles, lighting a match, the first breath in after 10hrs of binding, mounds of yarn, dark stains on a thin blade, the not quite uncomfortable heat of the sun on your back, running in the rain

i doubt i can list 21 people w/o tumblr mobile crashing, so if any followers wanna do this, I Hereby Tag You Specifically

if you do it, please @ me so i can see!

[fcwkia38773988-blog]

Car Obstacle Increases To 35 Even More Cities

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