#100talberts sally

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Monday birthdays: Sally (Teen), Xavion (Child).

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We don’t celebrate birthdays in this home, but happy birthday Sally!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now you’re old enough to start being more productive in the garden!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How wonderful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Today, I want to give an update on our buddy systems!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Even though our Debbie is not-so-little and almost ready to marry out, she still has her wards!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Her final buddies are Opal and Ulrike!!!!!!!!!!! Which is just perfect, because they both love to hang out in the rec room anyways!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (a/n: Debbie was assigned other kids but she swapped them for Opal and Ulrike, Christina just didn’t notice)

Debbie used to have Rory, but when I went to take the picture I realized he already became a Child!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Time sure flies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When Debbie marries out, Louise will be a teen, so Louise will inherit Opal and Ulrike!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Next up: my sweet and wonderful Holy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She looks after Nicole, Sally, and Theodore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Of course, Holy is usually in the garden, so Nicole takes the most care of Theodore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don’t mind, because as of late Holy has acquired another buddy... Ida!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :( Ida needs to be taught how to be a proper and gentle woman of God, which is Holy’s new task!!!!!!!!!!

Speaking of Ida... I decided to help nurture her innate feminine sense of responsibility and motherhood by giving her the most buddies!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ida is in charge of Louise, Petunia, Valerie, and Wyatt!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Of course, Petunia is quite a handful and Wyatt is still young enough to need his mommy, so I help her out there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Men are incapable of caring for or nurturing children, so they aren’t “buddies” in a traditional sense, but Elijah and Mark deserve an honorable mention!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Elijah is trying SO hard to help Mark catch up in school and it just warms my heart!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! In fact, I’ve heard Mark slip up and call Elijah “dad”!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They don’t like to talk about it - oh, men and their stoicism!!!!!!!!!!!!

Baby X isn’t here yet, but when they are my special and precious little blessing will be Holy’s buddy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Only the best for my baby :D

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And now, a post about the Godly arrows that are still in my quiver!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Up first is Deborah, my new oldest-at-home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She’s such a wonderfully creative and pious girl, if a bit dreary!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’ve been struggling for years to get her to choose joy, and PTL soon it will be her future husband’s problem!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And who is her not-so-in-the-distant future husband? Alex Reinhardt, a creative and serious young man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They’re very good at saving their first touches for marriage - even insisting on no premarital eye contact!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As you can see in the picture, they’ve come close, but they swear their eye contact virginities remain unsullied!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Next are the triplets!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Elijah, my oldest boy, is such a Godly intellectual!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He and Jeb are like two peas in a pod, always playing chess and discussing the depths of the Bible!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Unfortunately, Elijah is single!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :( Although I’ve introduced him to many Godly young women, none of them meet his (frankly, EXTREME!!!!!!!) standards!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Pray for him!!!!!!!!

My second triplet boy is Flynn!!!!!!!!!!!!! Flynn has many Jesus-loving friends and is the light of every party!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He has a passion for bringing family-friendly, God honoring comedy back to TV and plans on becoming a professional comedian!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Next to him is his girlfriend, Teresa Lange!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They’ve agreed that light touches, like shoulder bumps, are acceptable but the heavy touches like kissing will be saved for marriage!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The last triplet is Gregory!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Between the “chair incident” in his boyhood, the time he wanted to wear bunny pajamas, and his lifelong love of cats (a very feminine delight), it’s obvious the Devil is fighting to turn him to the gay homo lifestyle!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Naturally, I was very concerned that he would never find a wife!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But then I heard that a strange yet church-going and pious family, the Morrows, were looking to arrange a marriage between their daughter and a Jesus-loving man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hopped on the chance immediately, and now Gregory is ENGAGED to a special mystery Morrow ;) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! To ensure ultimate purity, the Morrows believe a man and woman shouldn’t even MEET until they’re at the altar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How quirky!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The Morrows have a lovely selection of daughters, aside from that foul Zilla, and I would be happy to welcome any of them to the family!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (a/n: this isn’t qUaRkY foreshadowing; it’s not Zilla)

Sweet and wonderful Holy (not Holly!!!!!!!!) isn’t old enough for boys juuuust yet, so she stays at home with her beloved Mama and helps me with the garden!!!!!!!!!!! She has a Godly gift for flower arranging, just like ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As a mother, I love all my kids equally, but Holy and Sally are secretly my favorites ;) (a/n: not the secret she thinks it is)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Next is wonderful Ida!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She’s not afraid to get down and dirty in the garden, weeding and watering no matter the weather!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The only flaw she has is her foul temper!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ida is much too argumentative and strong-willed for a young lady!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Holy and I do our best to set a good example of quiet and submissive femininity, but it’s been tough!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Pray that He works His magic in her heart so she can be a gentle and feminine wife one day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Johnny is my youngest Teen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Even though he’s barely a teenager, he’s already making plans about how he’ll win his future wife one day!!!!!!!!!! Not only is he a ladies man, he’s also preparing for the competition before it starts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wonderful Keith is my oldest Child!!!!!!!!!!!!! He’s a good boy that quietly sits out of the way - a mama’s dream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sweet Louise is a darling little girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She loves to play outside with her sisters - so wholesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Men don’t have the nurturing instinct of unconditional love that a mother does, so unfortunately Jeb hasn’t been very fond of poor Mark!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! While many boys aren’t very school-inclined, Mark finds himself especially bad at it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’ve had Elijah take over teaching duty and told him to tutor Mark, but Mark continues to struggle!!!!!!!!!! I’ve suggested that God’s glorious plan for Mark is likely the army or some other respectable athletic pursuit, but Jeb won’t be moved!!!!!!!!!!!! I pray that Mark stops struggling so Jeb can learn to love him :( :( :(

Next up is sweet little Nicole!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This miracle is the baby I was pregnant with over vacation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love to joke that all the vacation pictures we took inspired her own love of the camera!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just know that, one day, she’ll have her own photo wall of all her own God-given miracles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Who knows - maybe she’ll even marry a photographer and get a few tips from her man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Opal is another sweet arrow in the quiver!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Although she hardly knew Bethany, she certainly took on her love of knitting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Opal is also a sociable little girl and loves to play with her family, so she and Louise are good friends!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All women are overemotional and irrational, but Petunia takes it to the extreme!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She has horrible countenance, and I hope to train it out of her by the time she’s a Teen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She has a particular affection for the animals, our dog Duke especially, so I’ve been trying to use them to help her learn to obey, sit, and fetch!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Pray it works!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Little Quintus only just Aged Up, but he’s already becoming quite the wise guy!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m so glad to know Jeb will have a son to hang out with after Elijah moves out (a/n: fuck the other boys ig)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And now we have my littlest littles!!!!!!! Rory a Toddler, but he’s going to become a big boy soon!!!!!!!!!!!!! Until then, I’ll treasure every toddler hug I can get!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It feels like just yesterday that I was WONDERFULLY BLESSED with not just a daughter, but an S daughter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sweet little Sally is named after her grandma, and she takes after grandma AND mama with her love of being outside in the garden!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As a woman, there’s no greater joy than helping the little blessing God gave me learn about His glorious creation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It saddens and shocks me beyond belief that, if I were not a holy woman, I might have MURDEROUSLY SLAUGHTERED my sweet little joy in my belly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ladies, before you commit the most heinous sin of all, look at Sally!!!!!!!!!!!! Would you take out a gun and shoot her as she stands?!?!?!??!?!!?!?!!! Of course not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So why would it be ok to take away her precious, tiny life before she had legs to stand on?!?!?!?!??!?!??!!! GOD, I thank You every day for sending Sally to a Godly mama that loves and protects her like no other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <3 <3 <3

After Sally is Theodore :)

After Theodore is Ulrike :)

aaand my youngest Toddler, Valerie :)

(a/n: hard to talk about your kids when you stop raising them at this point :/ she only knows what the older kids are like because she interviewed them before making the post)

Next up: my infant baby, Wyatt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You might think he’s my youngest, but he’s NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BABY X is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It’s only been a few hours (a/n: Sim time, so like a few weeks of real time) since I got that positive test, but I already love and cherish them like no other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not just because they’re another blessing from the Lord, but because this baby is NUMBER 50!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That’s right - I’m the PROUD MOTHER of 50 children, and once Baby X is Earthside we’ll throw a HUGE celebration!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We’d celebrate now, but we want the baby in the pictures without my skin and clothes in the way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Of course, this won’t mean I’m done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Only God can decide when my womb will be closed, so if He is willing then I’ll get to have Babies Y, Z, A, and more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! God bless!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Aaron may be Barney’s favorite grandchild, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t make time for the other boys!!!! While Aaron and Xavier went on a hike together, Barney taught Elijah the joys of woodworking!!!! Elijah is taking to it well, and soon enough he’ll be able to make wooden creations of his own!!! PTL for blessing these men with such masculine talents!!!

Of course, that doesn’t mean feminine talents and bonding should go unrecognized!!!! Sally Jo and Ida could spend all day telling each other jokes!!!! I would rather they didn’t - some of Sally Jo’s jokes can be a little too rowdy for a proper lady!! But as long as Ida doesn’t turn into a rambunctious scamp, everything should be okay!!

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That night, we all enjoyed the campfire as a big, happy family!!!!

Jeb’s parents were very... affectionate, but it served as an example of what a Godly marriage looks like!!!!!! Barney and Sally Jo saved their firsts for each other, which strengthened their bond!!! I’m joyous that my children get to see a real life example of the goodness that comes from following His plan!!!

I allowed Gregory to join us despite his outburst at dinner!!! The opportunity to roast marshmallows and learn from his elders comes so rarely, I wouldn’t want him to miss it over something as silly as a chair!!!! (Of course, it’s extremely important that Gregory learns to stay away from pinks and butterflies, but I can teach him that lesson without depriving him of his grandparents!!!)

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Wisdom truly comes with age!!!! Even though she only had seven children and has a scantily dressed husband, Sally Jo was a fountain of wisdom!!! We spent hours talking about child-raising, wifely duties, and how to glorify Him as a woman!!! I didn’t necessarily agree with everything she said, but I left the conversation feeling more enlightened!!!

I wasn’t the only one learning the wisdom of the elderly!!! Barney spends time with all of his grandsons, of course, but he and Aaron clicked like two peas in a pod!!! The two are inseparable and Aaron tells me Barney is a wonderful role model on how to be a strong man of God!!!!

Jeb’s parents are such wonderful children of God, and I’m glad my own children got to meet and learn from them!!! Amen!!!

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Jeb may be at work most days, but as the man he is still the head of the house!!! I’m proud to say that my boys understand this very well!!! Aaron had a request, and he brought it straight to Jeb in the morning: he wants us to go camping!!!

Jeb is far from an outdoorsy man, so he didn’t want to go at all!! But he doesn’t see that as a reason to stop everyone else from having fun!!! Of course, the kids and I need a man to guide and lead us, so Jeb asked his father if he would like to go instead!!! Barney was only too happy to agree to take his grandkids (and me!!!) out to Granite Falls for a week!! He’s getting closer to meeting the Lord every day, so it’s important that he bonds with all his grandkids before he leaves for Heaven!!!!

We took this wonderful picture after we arrived!!! From left to right: Elijah (red), Xavier (gray), Flynn (white), Barney Senior, Gregory (purple), John Junior (teal),  Aaron (blue), Bethany (green), Keith (yellow), Sally Jo, Clara (red), Winona (yellow), Louise (brown), Deborah (gray), me, Holy (white), Veronica (orange), and Ida (pink)!!

Of course, one of us ladies had to stay behind to look after Jeb, the pets, and our home!!! It couldn’t be me, because I have to look after the toddlers, so it had to be one of my four teenage daughters!!! I thought they would have to fight over it, but Yvette and Zinnia were quick to offer themselves!!! Yvette abhorred the thought of camping and Zinnia was extremely worried about the cats!!! I told Zinnia Yvette would take good care of them, but she insisted anyways!! What a nurturing heart she has!!!

PTL for arranging this, and I look forward to a Godly week reconnecting with His Earth and the family He gave us!!! Amen!!!

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Vacations are no excuse to be lazy!!! A woman has many jobs, and one of the most important ones is making sure a hot breakfast is on the table when her men wake up!!!! Ladies, your men expect and deserve a stress-free vacation, and making sure he doesn’t wait for food is crucial!!!! That’s  why me, my mother in love, and a few of my sweet daughters woke up before dawn!!! If we slept in like the men, breakfast would have been a disaster!!! PTL for blessing me with such diligent daughters!!! Amen!!!!

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The boys may have domain over the grill, but us ladies have domain over the kitchen!!! When the sun started setting, a small group of us girls worked on making dinner with the fish our boys caught!!!! This is the natural, harmonious roles of men and women as designated by Him, and it works perfectly!!!!

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At noon, a very special surprise arrived... my parents!!! Jeb and I are from Brindleton Bay, so now we’re close enough to our parents that they’ll all be making an appearance this Christfest!!! Jeb’s parents won’t appear for another hour or two, but they promised to be here!!!

When little Mary was born, I prayed and prayed that she could one day meet her namesake!! God, in all of His glory, has finally answered my prayers!!! I couldn’t possibly be happier as I watch my mother, Mary Elizabeth, meet her junior Mary Nicole!!! God truly is good!!! Amen!!!

It was absolutely lovely to just sit around and chat!!! I do wish Ann and Betty could have been there, but as wives and mothers they have certain obligations!!

Yes - mothers!! Betty gave birth on this most holy day and I couldn’t be prouder!! Their names are Noelle and Carol - how absolutely lovely!!! I’m so glad God blessed Betty with two girls right away - they’ll be a big help when Betty has a group of little ones of her own L.O.L.!!!

Around 1pm, we heard someone blasting Christian country music!! The children don’t know what it means, but Jeb and I sure do!! Barney and Sally Jo Talbert have arrived!! And unlike my parents, who arrived with quiet grace, Jeb’s parents arrived while attracting as much attention as possible!! Now the Christfest party can start!!!!

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(a/n: TW for homophobia. TL;DR at the end.)

As the eldest child still at home, Christian has the “honor” of sitting between his grandparents.

“-then the doctor tells me I need pills for this hip! That’s why I don’t go to doctors: they’re all quacks serving Big Pharma! The only medicine I need is the good word of Jesus! So I tore him a new one and threw my pocket bible at his head! Amen!” Sally Jo says, slapping the couch for emphasis.

Mary Tidwell nods. “I understand just perfectly! That reminds me of what Dr. Lothario - a fiendish man, switched doctors immediately - that is, the other day he was saying...”

Christian wants to groan, but he knows it would piss Christina off. He grabs his phone and sees four texts, one from “Church Chicken” (miss u xo) and three from “Sim-Fil-A” (merry christmas) (christfest?) (merry jesusbirth). Thankfully, his grandmothers are too busy squinting at a bible verse about medicine to invade his privacy.

He quickly sends out (merry jesusbirth loser) and (see u soon bb xo love u) as responses. He confuses the texts, because of course he does, and soon his phone is vibrating madly with new texts.

“I say! What’s going on over there?” Mary Tidwell cranes her neck towards him.

“Nothing! Just testing out a few notification features,” Christian says, frantically blocking all notifications from the Messages app.

“I don’t like the sound of that, boy! First your girl shorts, and now your fancy phone witchcraft! Jeb, I thought I raised you to know how to make men of your boys!” Barney barks.

“I do raise my boys!” Jebidah glares at his father.

“Which triplet am I?” Glenn calls.

“Not Irene! Now shut up and keep your nose out of this!” Jebidiah points at him.

“Then why is your boy like this?! Next thing you know, he’ll be insulting women and kissing men! Is that what you want?!” Barney gestures wildly.

“I’m straight! In fact, not only am I straight, I’m also heterosexual!” Christian says.

“Mooom! Christian said a bad word!” Mary Talbert shrieks, yanking her mother’s skirt. Behind her, a shocked Naomi covers Quentin’s ears.

“Bad word?! Why are you teaching your children that heterosexuality is bad?!” Mary Tidwell demands.

“No, sex is the bad-” Christina says, but is interrupted by Mary Talbert’s horrified gasp.

“Mommy... you said the bad word!” Mary Talbert starts crying.

It’s days like these Christina starts to wonder if Heaven is really worth this.

Barney stands up and stomps his feet. “Shut up! Jebidiah, what do you have to say for yourself?!”

Jebidiah stands up and gestures angrily. “Listen here! I raised Christian to be a strong, God-fearing straight man, and he is! I won’t have you trashing my son just because you think his clothes are ugly and hate new technology!”

“Ok, wow, this is a look-” Christian begins, but Christina shushes him.

Jebidiah, who is too wrapped up in his own rant to notice Christian said anything, continues on. “It’s Christmas, for Christ’s sake! How can you call yourself a Godly man while insulting a brother in Christ over his neon shorts?! As long as he isn’t in feminine or homosexual clothes, he can wear what he likes!”

“Can I wear pants, then?!” Julie asks eagerly.

“Absolutely not! God create pants for men and men alone! Remember Deuteronomy 22:5 and 1 Timothy 2:9! If you wore Christian’s shorts, young men would stumble and you would become unworthy of God’s love! God wants women to be modest and quiet, so shut up and keep your skirt on!” Jebidiah tells her.

“All of you, shut your yams!” Sally Jo stands up. “Jeb’s right! We’re here to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ, not criticize each other! Do any of you really think God is smiling on us right now? Everybody here is modestly dressed, God loving, and heterosexual! That’s all He wants for us! So sit down, clamp your gabs, and let our strong, masculine headships read from the bible!”

(TL;DR: Christian is secretly texting Tyrell and a girl, Jeb’s father accuses Christian of being girly and doing phone witchcraft, Jeb defends Christian but still doesn’t know which triplet is which, Julie wants to wear pants but Jeb tells her to be a ~Godly woman~ and shut the fuck up.)

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(no POV)

“Bless my eyes! I see God’s been keeping your womb full!” Sally Jo says, picking up the nearest toddler. “And aren’t they just cuter than pumpkins?! Is this little Quincey?”

"Quinten,” Christian corrects, wrongly.

“We have another little blessing due any day now!” Christina waddles her way through her children to show off her large stomach.

Sally Jo whistles. “You sure do! Can I feel?”

“This little one will be my twentieth!” Christina announces.

“Twenty?” Mary Tidwell asks. "It’s not as many as Joy had at your age, but I’m sure the Lord had His reasons for making you less fertile.”

Christina presses her lips together. “Mmm!"

“If this isn’t a lot, I’d hate to know how many kids Joy had!” Sally Jo laughs.

“Twenty-three,” Mary Tidwell answers proudly. “If I recall correctly, at the wedding I believe you said you weren’t quiverfull, Mrs. Talbert?”

“Aw, no! I didn’t want to spend my whole life pregnant!” Sally Jo grins. “It just wasn’t His plan for me, see. But it sure is His plan for your Christina!”

Before Mary Tidwell could reply, Christina starts screaming. She’s in labor and this bitch of a baby couldn’t wait.

After a lot of screaming, a panicked last minute call to the midwife, six adults pushing Christina around, and two toddlers shitting themselves, Christina gives birth.

She names the baby Tannenbaum, after one of the few Christfest carols that don’t ~jingle the devil’s bells~.