#100 twisted pebbles upon ye

[drtrig]

HI this is @walnutcookie on his main im here to ask PLEASE oh my god ive been able to distract every single toon except pebble. i can distract rangeds i can distract multiple twisteds of different speeds i can do every main except pebble. how do you do it i need to know i need to be goated for my friends

OO OKAY...

first off to distract him you need to not have the other twisteds on you (so its best to always have a backup distractor just in case), you also need the basic distracting trinkets and no lag (but i think thats a bit obvious hdfdfsj)

you need to distract him around islands of these shapes

pebble has a weird thing where whenever he needs to take a sharp turn hell have a roughly 1 second delay before facing you directly which slows him down quite a bit

im bad at explaining it but heres a video of it happening

ALSO make sure your island isnt too short/big or that youre not going to fast or else pebbles pathfinding will make him go the other way and jumpscare you face to face (speaking from experience unfortunately)

if youre not confident in your turns or if the island youre using is long then dont hesitate to sprint because better safe than sorry

although keep in mind that you cannot outwalk pebble during panic mode due to the extra speed twisteds get, even while using this technique, so try to have good communication with your teammates so you can know when to start sprinting (im pretty sure four star movement speed distractors cannot outrun pebble during panic mode, so its best to get him off you before that happens)

and thats pretty much it!! today is a pebble day so im sure youll have plenty time to practice lol, if youre having trouble then ill be glad to help!! i sweeaaar im nice char

theres also another technique when playing as pebble which is to shift tap and use the same technique four star movement speed toons use when distracting toodles which deeply pains me please stop doing that whats wrong with you peopl

[prettyyyboyluke]

Kick Back

continuation of this ! hope you enjoy :) 

~ 

the night took a turn. instead of calum having y/n between his legs on the counter, they finally moved to her room. y/n triple checked that her brother was asleep and with him being as intoxicated as he was,  there was no way he was waking up any time soon. she closed and locked her door, just incase tyler were to wake up. y/n’s stomach was doing flips with thoughts about calum. 

once she was finally settled with everything, she walked towards calum and he took her wrists while he was sitting on the bed, then setting her on top of his lap. he tucked a piece of hair behind her ears so he could look into her eyes with the amount of light that was coming from her lamp. 

“you sure you’re okay with this?” calum asked, wanting to know that y/n is 100% comfortable. she nods before a meek “yes” left her mouth. he smiled and brought her lips down to his again, being able to hold her closer than he was able to before. their tongues slipped into each others mouth, gently wrestling with the other. calum pulled away and began to pepper kisses on her neck, sucking small marks onto her neck. 

y/n pulled at the hair of calum’s neck to bring him away, “not too dark. my brother will know it was you.” she said. 

“smart girl.” he smirked and went to continue kissing her neck. 

calum’s hands migrated up her sweatshirt, his cold hands causing a shiver to run through y/n’s spine. he tweaked with each of her nipples, making them pebble to their fullest potential. y/n took it upon herself to move his right hand down to the inside of her shorts, feeling the moisture in her panties grow. calum lightly traced the outline of her panties before dipping his fingers inside and tracing her bare skin. 

once his fingers were finally rubbing her clit in generous circles, y/n heard herself panting. she began to rock her hips against calum’s fingers, wanting more pressure. “fuck, calum, i want more,” she breathed, throwing her head back. calum complied and gave her two of his fingers inside her walls. she immediately gasped once they were knuckle deep. calum wishes he took her shorts off before she sat in his lap so he could see how wet she was. 

y/n’s hips rocked and rocked against calum’s fingers so she could get to her high quicker. “please, calum, i’m so close.” she whined, moving faster. 

“yeah? you wanna cum for me?” he egged her on, moving his fingers faster. she nodded her head and let calum bring her to the brink of pleasure. her bottom lip was between her teeth, biting down on it hard that there would be some type of bruise on it. her hands were gripping hard onto calum’s shoulders, stabilizing her on his lap so she wouldn’t fall due to the tingling sensation she was feeling. 

once y/n felt her toes curl and her eyes squeeze shut, she let out the longest moan her breath would allow her. “please, don’t stop, don’t stop!” her grip on calum’s shoulders got harder. digging her nails into his shirt, definitely giving him some type of scratch on his skin. calum rode out her orgasm for her as long as she could take it, and after, she was a panting mess. sweat was built up on her forehead, abdomen, and her thighs. 

calum brought his fingers up to his mouth before he sucked her taste off of him. he just barely noticed y/n getting off of his lap and onto her knees. the sweatshirt that was sticking to her was taken off and thrown across the room, her shorts coming next, so she was just kneeling in front of him in just her panties. she began taking his belt off, giving him the clear hint that she wanted to pleasure him now. calum helped her out and removed his jeans as quickly as he could. 

y/n wrapped her small hand around his length, giving him a few pumps before taking his tip into her mouth. calum threw his head back in pleasure when she began to suck. y/n took as much of him down her throat as she could before she began to gag. spit dribbled out the sides of her mouth and down to her chin. calum was in awe at how innocent, but dirty, she looked on her knees. her eyes were wide, hair messy, and her mouth full of his cock. 

she continued to swirl her tongue around his whole length, looking up at calum while she did so. “fuck, you’re doing so well, pretty girl.” he moaned, watching as his cock disappeared into her mouth. y/n felt him twitch in her mouth, and he instincts told her to keep going, but calum quickly pulled her off of him. “as much as i love having your mouth wrapped around my cock, i’d rather have it somewhere else right now.” he breathed. 

y/n smiled and got off of her knees, going right back into his lap. calum grabbed the underside of her thighs and flipped them over so her back was on the bed and he was hovering over her. y/n gladly took her panties off and spread her legs open for calum and he wanted to drool at how pretty she looked. she was biting down on her pointer finger, excited that she finally got to have calum how she imagined so many times. calum brought the tip of his cock right to her entrance, ready to slip into the wet paradise like he had imagined. 

as soon as he slid himself in, they both moaned. calum found his rhythm fairly quick, his hips snapping up towards y/n, causing her to move up and down on the bed as he thrusted. calum grabbed onto the head board to stabilize himself so he could continue this pace. when y/n looked up at him, seeing his arms above her and how his face was matching hers in pleasure, she couldn’t help but moan again. 

“tell me how it feels, y/n. i want to hear you.” calum rasped. 

y/n tried to form a sentence, but anything that tried coming out of her mouth was cut off when she felt calum speed up. she’s in a constant state of euphoria, not being able to think about anything other than the big, thick, long cock poisoning in and out of her wet, pink walls. “oh, fuck, calum.” she could feel another orgasm approach. 

“so fucking wet.” calum speeds up, making y/n move up and down faster on the bed. “hear that? hear how wet your pussy is?” the squelching noise of her soaking flesh is very prominent, making her face flush and gasp into the air. “are you always this wet when you think about me? i bet you do when you touch yourself, right? can’t help but think about how i’d fuck your tight, little cunt when you’re alone in your room?” 

y/n nods shamelessly, trying her best to keep her legs back. calum’s moving so fast that her breath hitches and she just lets her legs go where they please. his cock is coated in her arousal, moaning into her neck about how wet she is. calum knows he’s close, but he’s holding off as much as he can so y/n cums before him. and he’s hard, so hard that it hurts, and he thinks if he speeds up anymore, he’ll be cumming in the next few minutes. 

“calum, i’m… oh, please, i’m so close.” he changes his grip onto her hips so that he can move her to his own accord. her legs are wrapped tightly around his waist because she knows if she tries to close them that he’ll just slap them open again. 

“you’re close, baby?” he pounds on, rolling his eyes into the back of head when he feels her muscles clench around him. “gonna cum for me? gonna be a good girl and show me how good it feels?”

“yes!” she screams into her bicep, her puffy lips brushing the damp skin, and not even bothering to be quiet anymore as she feels her orgasm like a lightning bolt travel through her. “oh fuck, oh fuck!” calum moves his hands again so he can intertwine their hands together. he’s still maintaining to fuck her and work her through her orgasm. and it’s a strong one; one of the strongest she’s ever felt, and she can’t help but raise her hips slightly. her mouth is dry, her thighs are sore, and she knows her voice will be cracking tomorrow too. 

and now it’s calum’s turn. he lowers his mouth to her’s, whispering how good she feels around him, squeezing him so well. that does it for him, quickly having to pull out, shooting onto her stomach and chest and there’s so much he can feel the sticky white substance coat his cock. 

calum’s a heavy heap on top of y/n’s body. they both look into each others eyes while their breathing comes down. y/n still letting out small whimpers and moving her hips to chase the smallest bit of her orgasm that’s fading away. she leans up and gives calum a gentle kiss on his lips. once calum finally calms down, he goes to grab a wet was cloth to clean up his mess he left on y/n. 

y/n laid back, her eyes closed as she felt the warm cloth clean her body. once they were both cleaned up, to an extent of course, calum grabbed her ankles and moved her to the end of the bed. he knows he just fucked her, but he desperately wants a taste of her. calum and y/n knew she was sensitive, she was so pink and even the slight breeze in the air was making her thighs tremble. 

“you just have to relax for me, pretty girl.” calum whispered, peppering kisses all over her thighs. she nods and lays back down. calum takes his time with y/n, wanting this third orgasm to be more intense than the last two. so, he wastes no time in spreading his tongue all over her cunt. y/n wasn’t quite ready for the sensation, but she gladly embraced it. 

calum just licked away at her clit, moving down to her still dripping hole a few times just to bring his tongue back up to her clit and sucking more harshly than the previous time. y/n was twisting the sheets so much, she was sure that they would either have ripped or will just be extremely wrinkled. calum would give her encouraging words so he could hear her moans and whines more and more. 

“calum, please, i want it so bad!” she whined, finally looking down at him. calum nuzzled his face further into her cunt, making sure to get her where she wanted to be desperately. “yes! yes! just like that, oh fuck!” she moaned loudly. one of her hands were gripping at her breast, kneading it to give herself a little extra pleasure. 

“so pretty,” calum mumbled against her flesh. y/n saw stars, her body feeling like jell-o as this orgasm was a lot stronger than the last. “atta girl,” calum drug out.  y/n was trying to run away from calum’s mouth, but he wouldn’t let her until she let out every last moan and whimper she had left in her. and once all he heard was breathing, he took his mouth off of her. 

her legs were uncontrollably shaking, her body drenched in sweat. calum went to hover over her again, giving her a very deep and passionate kiss. he laid beside her, tracing her arm with shapes until she finally caught her breath. y/n turned towards to calum, her eyes threatening to close, but she kept them open as best she could. 

they carried out a small conversation until y/n fell asleep in his arms with a smile on her lips.  

[purple-fireflies]

finds a streetlight (steps out of the shade)

lutteo oneshot that I made because it was stuck in my head.

Prompt: “You threw pebbles at my window to get my attention, you might as well quote Romeo and Juliet”

Luna tosses and turns in her bed. It’s dark outside, and god knows she won’t be able to concentrate the next day.

Maybe Nina will let her cheat just a tad.

She flips over her pillow and tries to close her eyes and just get some sleep.

Has the ceiling always been this interesting?

Sleep won’t beckon her, and she doesn’t want to be beckoned. The dreams only confuse her.

But there’s also that small, eensy detail that requires the human body to have rest in order for it to function.

After maybe 20 minutes, Luna decides screw it, and gets up from her bed, staring at the script her teacher had imposed on her and Matteo.

Matteo.

With his annoying little smirk and comments that confuse her to no end, and that nickname.

Luna feels so weird around Matteo. Her palms sweat, her stomach does weird things to her, his eyes do weird things to her.

Luna tries to uncloud her mind (as if that ever works) and focus on the script.

The weird syntax and different connotations of the words make her confused, but she understands the basic gist of it.

The stupid, basic gist of it.

They barely know each other and they’re doing all this crap for what?

If Shakespeare wanted to warn teenagers against love, he did a great job of it.

Luna sits in her bed, and she feels a yawn overcoming her, and thinks finally.

But some incessant noise keeps on pattering her window.

Thunk.

Thunk.

Thunk.

Luna gets tired of it eventually and opens the window.

Brown curls meticulously placed and chocolate eyes she’s so used to seeing look up at her.

“If you’re looking for Àmbar, she’s on the other side of the house!” Luna yells down at him.

He may as well be quoting Romeo and Juliet, with all the lovesick drama and throwing the pebbles, Luna thinks bitterly, some weird twisting in her gut.

It’s perfectly within Matteo’s and Àmbar’s rights to do whatever they want to.

They are dating, after all.

So why does it make Luna so mad?

She doesn’t have much time to dwell on it, because the incessant throwing is persistent, so she opens her window once again.

“I’m here for you, Chica Delivery!” He yells.

What the hell does he mean by that?

“What do you mean by that?”

“Come down and maybe you’ll find out!” He yells back, in typical Chico Fresa form.

Luna internally groans. She’ll get in trouble, no doubt about it. The rational, sane part of her brain is yelling at her, to not do this.

But Luna’s not a rational person. She’s a dreamer, an optimist. And this is Matteo. For all of his egotism, and idiocy, he’d never do anything too stupid.

“I need ten minutes!” She yells again, and the grin he sends her, even though he’s so far down, makes her heart do things that it should not be doing.

She switches out her PJs and pulls on a coat, trying to be as quiet and non-accident prone as possible.

━━━━━━━☆☆━━━━━━━

“Chico Fresa you better have dragged me out here for a good goddamn reason,” Luna grumbles, upon seeing Matteo’s smug smirk.

There are many ways she’d like to get rid of it.

Matteo smiles like he knows what he’s thinking about.

“Remember the rink we were talking about?” He asks her.

He better have not woken her up for that.

“Yes?”

“They’re letting me go in before opening because my dad did the owner a favor once, and you know, I thought you’d like to come with,” He replies.

In this light, with his tone and that bashful look on his face, Luna finds it hard to link this Matteo to the King of the Rink.

She likes sweet Matteo more.

“Matteo, I’d love to but I left my—”

“Skates? Relax, Luna, you think I’d forget the most important piece of the puzzle? Me?”

Aaaaaaand he’s back.

“Sorry if I don’t trust your decision making 100%,”

“They have skates for rental. So, you ready?”

She should say no. She should say no and go home. She should tell Matteo he’s being idiotic and impulsive.

She says yes.

━━━━━━━☆☆━━━━━━━

Skating with Matteo feels like flying. Not just skating itself, but the way he looks at her. The smiles, the shared looks, the synchronicity, everything. It makes her feel like she’s walking on air.

They stop after both of them tire. Luna laughs upon seeing Matteo’s relieved expression.

“And here I thought you didn’t get tired,”

He scowls.

“I don’t. And if you tell anyone, Lunita, it will be hell on Earth.”

Hearing Lunita come from Matteo’s mouth makes Luna wince.

“Don’t call me Lunita and you have a deal.”

“Sounds good,” Matteo says, staring at the sky.

“You okay, Chico Fresa?” Luna asks, softly, as to not break this weird limbo that they have going on.

Matteo looks at her with something she can’t identify.

With something that makes her feel things that she shouldn’t be feeling.

Not for someone who’s taken.

Not for this playboy.

Not Matteo.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” He finally says, and the tension that was thick in the air dissipates.

Luna’s not sure if she imagined it or not.

“Come on, I’ll walk you home, don’t want to get you in trouble or anything,” He mutters, lacing his fingers through hers.

As if it was second nature.

This is too much for Luna to process, especially at 2 AM.

But when he sends her a knowing look and a wink the next day at school, Luna knows she’s far gone.

[sometimesrosy]

Idk if it has to do with anything, but The 100 anaconda/snakes biting each other’s tails made me think of the cover to the book inside the book The Neverending Story. There are two snakes biting each other’s tails on the cover, forming an oval. An oval likely an infinity symbol, The *Neverending* Story. Do you think the book could’ve had any influence on JR, even if only the title The *Neverending Story*? I think he’s hinting at something that never ends, is infinite. But what is it? 🤔

I think it’s time. 

And it has to do with the anomaly, yes. That may be the thing that allows time to connect back. I’m guessing that the anomaly stone which has been there for eons might actually be something that our heroes placed there. eons ago. This COULD be how Clarke and Bellamy sacrifice themselves, as they go back in time to set it. Because it needs to be there so they can jar the cycle they are stuck on into a new path. So they can break the cycle. 

The infinity symbol is a circle twisted back upon itself. The ouroboros. The snake swallowing it’s own tail. A neverending story. I don’t know enough about that book/movie to know if it has a direct influence, or if they are both influenced by the older idea. 

So maybe it is time in an infinite loop which may be why JR said it wasn’t time travel, because that’s not QUITE time travel where you can just go back and forth willynilly. 

There have been multiple references to time being a circle and the way to the future is through the past. Yes. I think these are easter eggs and foreshadowing. 

But then again. What if it’s love?

I do believe that this show, in its essence, is about love, all kinds of love, romantic love, familial love, platonic love, love for humanity... and how love can make you do horrible things but also how it can save you. Love is not pure, perhaps, but what if its infinite, keeping us going past death, time and space??? maybe.

Another possibility is that happiness is infinite. Or rather “circular” as evidenced from this instagram from the 100 writers quite a while ago. This feels to me not so much a PLOT point as a mood or feeling or possibly theme that the writers are including in their story. It started, imo, with Marper. Which means, I imagine this being part of our goal for our heroes in general and Bellarke in specific.

These are the lyrics to Happiness Runs 

Little pebble upon the sandNow you're lying here in my handHow many yearsHave you been here?

Little human upon the sandFrom where I'm lyingHere in your handYou to me are but a passing breeze

The sun will always, shine where you standDepending in which landYou may find yourselfNow you have my blessing, go your way

Happiness runs in a circular motionThought is like a little boat upon the seaEverybody is a part of everything anywayYou can have everything if you let yourself be

Happiness runs, happiness runsHappiness runs, happiness runsHappiness runs, happiness runsHappiness runs, happiness runs

Happiness runs in a circular motionThought is like a little boat upon the seaEverybody is a part of everything anywayYou can have everything if you let yourself be

From here it gets a little repetitive, or ‘circular’ if you prefer, so I’ll put it below the jump. There is only one different stanza, where they says “Why? Because.” and repeat that for a bit.

Happiness runs, happiness runsHappiness runs, happiness runsHappiness runs, happiness runsHappiness runs, happiness runs

Happiness runs in a circular motionThought is like a little boat upon the seaEverybody is a part of everything anywayYou can have everything if you let yourself be

Happiness runs, happiness runsHappiness runs, happiness runsHappiness runs, happiness runsHappiness runs, happiness runs

Why? BecauseWhy? BecauseWhy? BecauseWhy? Because

Happiness runs in a circular motionThought is like a little boat upon the seaEverybody is a part of everything anywayYou can have everything if you let yourself be

You can have everything if you let yourself beYou can have everything if you let yourself beYou can have everything if you let yourself beYou can have everything if you let yourself be

You can have everything if you let yourself beYou can have everything if you let yourself beYou can have everything if you let yourself beYou can have everything if you let yourself be

You can have everything if you let yourself beYou can have everything if you let yourself beYou can have everything if you let yourself beYou can have everything if you let yourself beYou can have everything if you let yourself be

[tabletoptrinketsbyjj]

Trinkets, Worthless, 7: These trinket are garbage plain and simple. They would be termed vendor trash or junk loot in video games. They aren’t touched by stray magic or mystery as with regular trinkets, aren’t made from valuable materials and aren’t particularly useful even if they aren’t damaged.

A wheel of blue cheese that's been dyed red.

A black burlap satchel containing five burned and charred wooden coins.

A small pouch of cinnamon dust.

An inverted monkey skull dusted with traces of silver and gold shavings.

A bouquet of dried belladonna flowers that have an odd smell to them

An empty copper scroll tube with a broken wax seal.

A stuffed falcon, tattered with age, with black onyx eyes.

A battered goblin skull

A pewter thimble

A rusty handsaw

---Keep reading for 90 more trinkets.

---Note: The previous 10 items are repeated for easier rolling on a d100.

A wheel of blue cheese that's been dyed red.

A black burlap satchel containing five burned and charred wooden coins.

A small pouch of cinnamon dust.

An inverted monkey skull dusted with traces of silver and gold shavings.

A bouquet of dried belladonna flowers that have an odd smell to them

An empty copper scroll tube with a broken wax seal.

A stuffed falcon, tattered with age, with black onyx eyes.

A battered goblin skull

A pewter thimble

A rusty handsaw

A bright red hooded cape sized for a child, spattered with dried blood.

An unused paintbrush made of horsehair and pinewood.

A low, three-legged stool topped by an uncomfortable brass seat

A finger lengthed decorative pewter fish with green colored glass eyes.

A burlap sack packed with straw and a dozen chicken eggs that have been hollowed out and filled with white flour.

A small brown glass jar sealed with wax and with a gray dust inside. A white label is affixed to the jar, and reads: “Zombie Dust” in a shaky script.

A hand-fan of clipped, black-dyed harpy feathers bound with copper wire. The dark feathers still smell as foul as the beasts they were taken from

A thick leather satchel containing 100 clay marbles, equally divided into four different Random Colours of 25 marbles each.

A wooden tube containing sheet music for a popular folk song adapting it to tablature which requires a three-handed (All of them left) mandolin player

A crude wand made from a goblin’s femur and set with a cracked jet stone lashed to the bone with sinew.

A brown and red flecked egg, the size of a loaf of bread, that gives off a rancid scent.

A set of six quill nibs used for scroll making.

A set of dentures made from old wood that smells horribly and has small hunks of what is hopefully food stuck between the teeth.

A shrunken goblin head

A pair of tarnished steel tweezers

A small vial of cheap cologne

A pair of steel tweezers made to fit the hands of a large creature.

A burlap bag containing a gold sifter and a pound of pyrite (Fool’s gold) nuggets.

A small sack with two dozen unused corks of various sizes and shapes.

An old wooden bucket full of mismatched spoons.

A sealed letter that refuses to open

A sealed, empty glass vial that can't be opened and will never break

A one-gallon cask of pickled eels.

A thrice-folded sheet of paper with incomplete punchlines to six knock-knock jokes.

A ratty burlap pouch containing nine small stones, each a slightly different shade of blue.

A small scrap of paper, upon which is written, “Do you like me? YES or NO?”

A key ring with three small keys looped on it labeled, “This one,” “That one,” and “The other one.”

A brand new, but tragically empty, wallet.

A weather worn wooden board, inscribed with patterns which make it clear that it was once used for a game whose rules have long since been lost to time.

A woodcutter's axe that refuses to cut anything but wood.

A child’s puppet which is normal in all respects, except for the third eye on its forehead.

A small granite pebble which registers faintly as magical, but which is otherwise wholly unremarkable.

A large wood chip which acts as a magnet, despite its non-metallic nature.

A large wire and glass spectacle, designed for a creature possessed of only a single eye in the middle of their head.

A pair of six-fingered gloves, along with a single matching seven-fingered glove. The set is made of supple black leather, and stitched with white thread.

A dismembered skeletal hand clutching an unopened letter. If the seal is broken and the message read, it warns its would-be recipient to guard against an eminent betrayal.

A monogrammed handkerchief with a set of initials you do not recognize

A morbid shopping list consisting of random body parts with hints as to what evil concoctions the parts are needed for.

A small unlabeled brown glass bottle with a reddish liquid inside.

A smooth oval shaped rock with the word “Family” chiseled into it in a fine script.

A faded 2’x4’ watercolor painting of a young couple in old world wedding attire, set in a pewter frame.

A white food-prep apron that fits over the neck at the front and ties around the waist at the back. It looks like it has seen heavy use but has been repeatedly cleaned with lye soap and only has minor stains.

A pair of thick knit, heat proof mittens used by cooks to handle hot objects. The cuffs go half way up wearer’s forearms and can handle extremely hot metals and ceramics without issue.

A pair of child sized pink wool mittens with a cat face design on the back of each. They are strung together at the wrists by wool cord.

A pair of dried and preserved human hands, sewn together and made to be worn as a pair of earmuffs.

A mummified troglodyte's hand

Half of an iron holy symbol of Bane, the evil deity of tyranny and war.

A small burlap pouch filled with various animal teeth

A painted lute missing its strings

A bloodstained map of the local area.

A coin purse containing a pair of jade earplugs

A small stoppered vial of clear glass that cannot be uncorked. The vial is empty

A bit of slime in a jar. When the jar is opened, the slime tries it's hardest to stay as deep in the jar as it can and wise PCs feels as though they shouldn't touch it.

A brass locket containing a picture of an unrecognizable child.

A barely fathomable map of an infinite labyrinth that is all but illegible and seems to loop back on itself in several instances.

An unfinished nude drawing of a man with an eye patch.

A deflated leather ball.

A pamphlet preaching the glories of “Nameless: The Double Faced Gnome”.

A crude sketch of a goblin entitled “Leonard”.

A half built wooden sled.

A pouch of various dried mushrooms. It's probably not wise to consume them without proper identification first.

A statuette of a goblin made from a coprolite.

A wand sized for a kobold made of glued together chicken bones

A wooden scroll tube containing a deed to a large bridge in a fairly populated area as well as the consent of the king to collect tolls from pedestrians. The deed is an obvious forgery only an absolute imbecile would believe that it's genuine.

A cabbage that cannot be eaten. It can be torn apart or destroyed but no part of it can be chewed or swallowed.

A gold-painted rock that resembles a gold nugget but would never pass as one.

A defective red boomerang that never returns to the person who throws it.

A deed to a large castle and the five acres of land around it. The deed is an obvious forgery and none of the PC's are sure if the place even exists in the first place

A cork that has a faint aroma of orange.

A single large mushroom that smells of butterscotch and rot.

A battered scabbard that smells strongly of old cheese.

A rusty speculum.

A broken lute covered in bloodstains.

A old dagger that has rusted into its sheath and cannot be removed.

A empty miser's coinpurse whose drawstrings can only be untied by a particularly dexterous PC.

A child's wooden sword, with the names of several children carved into the side. It is completely covered blood stains which vary in age.

A pewter spoon that (According to the initials on it) was owned by a rich but miserly landlord of a nearby city. If the gossip you’ve heard about him is true, it’s likely that after it went missing he started eating his soup with a fork rather than buy a new spoon.

A jar containing an alchemical salve that is labeled "Apply to soles once per week." However, the salve has solidified into a waxy mass.

A folded paper frog that when unfolded, can be read the uplifting message: “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single hop.”

A bracelet braided from the ligaments of an unknown creature, with a single charm carved from a humanoid tooth.

A piece of torn linen cloth worn soft by someone else's fingers. Up close there are obvious marks where embroidery has been picked away.

A small glass jar with a gilt-painted image of a minor goddess of a Random Domain. The container is empty except for a waxy residue at the mouth of the jar.

A small glass file, intended for the care of nails, claws or talons.

A string of rough, red beads that smell faintly of cinnamon.

A carved bone portrait of a famous pirate. The enamel has worn thin over the years.

A small doll who someone thought it would be a good idea to carve its head from an apple. The face is brown, dry and wizened.

A wolf-hair paintbrush that's perfect for calligraphy, though the binding is coming loose.

A walnut-sized terracotta jar containing traces of red makeup.

A used brass chamber pot in which has been hidden three pieces of uncut rose quartz.

Talisman of Ultimate Entropic Destruction: An iron amulet displaying the twisted face of a snarling demon, that when activated will utterly destroy the entire universe... in 15 billion years. There is no way to speed up this process.

[humanlighthouse]

Because I’ve been asked countless times to make a list like this, here are my Poe Recommandations™:

For when you want to read something so beautiful you wanna cry: 

- Eleonora (fluff, description porn), for that kinda lines “And now, too, a voluminous cloud, which we had long watched in the regions of Hesper, floated out thence, all gorgeous in crimson and gold, and settling in peace above us, sank, day by day, lower and lower, until its edges rested upon the tops of the mountains, turning all their dimness into magnificence, and shutting us up, as if forever, within a magic prison-house of grandeur and of glory.”

- The Domain of Arnheim (pure unashamed description porn) for this line especially : “This basin was of great depth, but so transparent was the water that the bottom, which seemed to consist of a thick mass of small round alabaster pebbles, was distinctly visible by glimpses—that is to say, whenever the eye could permit itself not to see, far down in the inverted heaven, the duplicate blooming of the hills.”

- Landor’s Cottage, which is supposed to go with Arnheim.

- The Island of the Fay, and Morning on the Wissahiccon, both super short and super beautiful. 

- Ligeia, because it’s the most beautiful description of a woman ever written and it’s like four pages long and yet still leaves you wanting more. I swear, you would marry her yourself by the end of it. Ligeia is my queen (also she’s named after a siren from Greek mythology and I love it!)

- The Bells (it’s a poem), because you can actually HEAR THEM

For when you wanna shiver from both terror and poetry: 

- The Masque of the Red Death (cw: gore, death (duh)), for its introduction, I won’t spoil it here but I’ve read it hundreds of times and I still get major chills every time. 

- William Wilson (cw: death, also it’s super gay and my favorite Poe story ever) : “I fled in vain. My evil destiny pursued me as if in exultation, and proved, indeed, that the exercise of its mysterious dominion had as yet only begun. [...] Where, in truth, had I not bitter cause to curse him within my heart? From his inscrutable tyranny did I at length flee, panic-stricken, as from a pestilence; and to the very ends of the earth I fled in vain.” (yeah I wasn’t kidding with the gay overtones)

- The Pit and the Pendulum. Spanish Inquisition! Pits! Rats! Giant swinging pendulums! Torture! Fun! A plot twist! 

- Berenice, a true Horror Classic (cw for serious body horror)

- The Raven. I shouldn’t even have to write this, but yeah, it’s amazing. (but it’s the only time he ever mentions a raven, why are people so obsessed with this?? he mentions cats a million times but no, we got stuck on the ravens)

For when you want Maximum Drama:

-The Assignation. They have ZERO CHILL. Also the description of both are awesome but the description of the guy is majorly gay. 

- The Oblong Box, again, I won’t spoil anything but it’s really good. 

- The Tell-Tale Heart, which is probably the best written Poe story of all. The pacing is simply perfect. 

For when you want to hate the world a little less: 

- The Thousand and Second Tale of Scheherazade (yes, it’s the actual title). It’s written as a tale, except Scheherazade explains the wonders of the world as if they were magic stuff and it’s so nice. 

For when you want to laugh (yes, really!): 

- The Cask of Amontillado. The Mason joke will never fail to be funny. 

- X-ing a Paragraph. He writes a whole fucking story for the sake of a pun, and that is dedication. He also wrote somewhere that a pun was good in the measure in which it makes you want to punch the one who delivers it, the dude understood. 

- The Philosophy of Furniture. He wrote an actual essay on how he thinks a room should be furnished and it’s accidental comedy gold. He is just so dramatic about everything (”The abomination of flowers, or representations of well known objects of any kind should never be endured within the limits of Christendom.”  See also: “Its leading feature is glitter—and in that one word how much of all that is detestable do we express! Flickering, unquiet lights are sometimes pleasing—to children and idiots always so—but in the embellishment of a room they should be scrupulously avoided.”)

- Lines on Joe Locke. It’s a super short poem but it’s his second best dig at someone ever and it’s hilarious. 

For when you want something weird but great: 

- The Man of the Crowd. Nothing actually happens but it’s so good?? I always see “Nighthawks” by Hopper when I read it, and since it’s one of my favorite paintings, I’m completely okay with it.

- Hop-Frog. The ending is still one of the most satisfying he ever wrote. 

Do NOT read these though: 

- The Narrative of Arthur Gordon Pym. Pym’s stupidity will make you want to punch something. Also, it’s full of Coleridge references and weirdly racist stuff. It’s bad. And long. So it’s like... doubly bad. If you want some actually good Coleridge re-telling, A Descent into the Maelström is great. 

- Eureka. I did my master’s thesis on it and I STILL have no idea where he’s going with it. It’s long. It’s weird. It’s surprisingly religious. It had diagrams and equations. (but if you feel up to reading 100+ pages of religiousy science, by all means, it has some pretty visionnary stuff. He talks about evolution 11 years before Darwin, he talks about the atomic bomb one whole century before it happened, and he is officially the first person to mention what is now called “Obler’s Paradox”  (aka why is the sky dark if there are so many stars?). Yes, Eddie-boy was a proper genius. Actually, Eureka is really good, just not as a first contact with Poe?) 

And the best thing is that ALL OF THESE ARE AVAILABLE FOR FREE ONLINE (check Wikisource) so now go forth and read some Poe my darlings!

(Oh, and for those of you who can/wanna/do read French, the French translations are, for the most part, done by Baudelaire himself, and they are. just. so good. The Domain of Arnheim is especially breathtaking in the French version.)