#10. season 4 / if you go down this road it’ll never end

[mrf34r]

I made this!! I like it!! It is Simple and Nice 

cw: eye strain / flashing lights 

slight spoilers, if you know what to look for as a spoiler??? 

[mrf34r]

link fixed

ok but props to martin wallström in this scene because there are positively NO excess movements in this entire shot? his arms don’t move any further after they stop. every action seems calculated and practiced. rehearsed, even.

[dustedmagazine]

Dust Volume 7, Number 5

Sarah Louise

A week or two before this Dust’s deadline, we got our first tour announcement by email in more than a year. It was the first of deluge, as live music looks to be coming back with a vengeance starting this summer and really picking up steam around September. Meanwhile, we celebrate our newly vaxxed (or for our Canadian correspondents half-vaxxed) status with tentative steps outside. Your editor had her first beer at a brew pub in mid-May, and it was stupendous. Also stupendous, the onslaught of new music, which has, if anything, accelerated. This month, contributors include all the regulars plus a few new people: Jennifer Kelly, Bill Meyer, Patrick Masterson, Ray Garraty, Tim Clarke, Andrew Forell, Ian Mathers, Bryon Hayes, Jonathan Shaw and Chris Liberato. Happy spring, happy normal and happy listening!

Amulets — Blooming (The Flenser)

Blooming by AMULETS

Like a lot of us, Portland-based noise artist Randall Taylor discovered the solace of long walks during the pandemic. His work, which has always used tape degradation to explore the intersection of time, loss and technology, shifted to incorporate another source of decay: the natural world. So, in opening salvo, “Blooming,” alongside blistering onslaughts of eroded guitar sound, it is possible to hear the sounds of a fertile garden — birds, insects, air movement. You can nearly smell the flowers and feel the sunshine on your skin. “The New Normal” explores sounds of creaking, friction-y word and metal, alongside pristine chimes of synthetic tone. It is uneasy, with skittering string-like squeaks and swoops, but also deeply meditative; it shifts from moment to moment from anxiety to provisional acceptance, much as we all did last year, staring out our windows. Overall, the tone is elegiac, gorgeous, but Randall does not hesitate to introduce dissonance. “Heaviest Weight” thunders with frayed bass tones, a weight and a threat in their subliminal pulse. The contrast between that ominous sound and purer, clearer layers of melody, makes for unsettling listening—are we at war or peace, happy or sad, agitated or calm? And yet, perhaps that’s the point, that the past year has been swirl of feelings, boredom alongside anxiety, hope lighting the corners of our listlessness, the smell of flowers pleasing but faintly reminiscent of funerals. Blooming decocts this mix into sound.

Jennifer Kelly

 Astute Palate — S-T (Petty Bunco)

Astute Palate by Astute Palate

Astute Palate is a hastily assembled group of rockers summoned to support David Nance in Philly on a date when he couldn’t bring the David Nance Band. Participants included Richie Records proprietor Richie Charles, Lantern’s Emily Robb, Writhing Squares/Purling Hiss/all around Philadelphia regular Daniel Provenzano on bass and, of course, Nance himself, all huddled together in Robb’s recording studio for a weekend together. None of this origin story does justice, however, to the pure liquid fire of this one-off musical collaboration, dominated by Nance’s viscous, distorted blues-inflected guitar wail, but knocked sideways by brute force drumming, wild hypnotic bass lines and the ritual incantation of Nance (and later Robb) singing. The long “Stall Out” does anything but, rampaging free-range in unbridled Crazy Horse/Allmans-style abandon for close to ten minutes without a single sputter. “A Little Proof” is somehow simultaneously heavier and more country, spinning out the soul-blues jams like a younger, unrulier cousin to MC5. “Treadin’ Schuylkill” gives Provenzano the spotlight, opening with a growling bass solo soon joined by heavy psych guitars (a nod, perhaps, to the illustrious locals in Bardo Pond). If Nance et. al. can pull stuff this fine out in a stray road warrior weekend, what are the rest of you doing with your lives?

Jennifer Kelly

 Axis: Sova — Fractal (God?)

Fractal - EP by Axis: Sova

Axis: Sova is a combo of three Chicago guys plus one drum machine, which had already been inactive for two or three seasons before the initial COVID lockdown. This digital EP is their way of clearing up some business that could no longer remain undone. The title tune, “Fractal USA,” is a remake of a song from the early days, when the “band” was Brett Sova’s solo project, to full-on, no your pants aren’t tight enough rock band. They just needed you to know about the evolution, you see, so go ahead, do some scissor kicks and gurn while they windmill away; you have enough money saved up from not seeing live music to pay the inevitable chiropractor bill. “Caramel” hypothesizes that a Cluster song that’s played twice as loud and twice as long is twice as good; not sure if I agree, but it’s still not bad at all. Maybe you got a little weird after a few months of putting on your best mask for your daily trip to see if the stimulus check was in the mailbox? The Brenda Ray-meets-Old Black mash up, “(Don’t Wanna Have That) Dream,” is proof that while you were alone, you weren’t alone. If you’ve made it this far, you don’t need to have the fourth track described, so let’s just say that it’s longer.

Bill Meyer

Mattie Barbier — Three Spaces (self-released)

three spaces by mattie barbier

While perhaps best known as half of the trombone-centric new music duo RAGE Thormbones, Mattie Barbier is a member of several other combos and a sonic researcher under their own name. Three Spaces, which is a single, album-length sound file, has the air of experimentation about it. “What do I do,” one can imagine Barbier asking themself, “when I can’t play with other people?” Make music at home, and out of what’s at home, is the obvious answer. But doing isn’t the only point here; the outcome also matters, and while what Barbier has accomplished with Three Spaces sounds quite different from the RAGE Thormbones live experience, it registers quite strongly. Barbier has combined long tones and melodic fragments played on euphonium, trombone and reed organ, that were recorded both inside and outside of their home. Carefully layered, the source material combines into a sound rather like a bell’s toll, which over the course of nearly 39 minutes swells and recedes, but never quite decays; it ends with an imposed rather than natural fade-out. The sound is as deep as it is expansive, inviting the listener to let themselves fall ever father into its realm.

Bill Meyer

 Beneath — On Tilt EP (Hemlock Recordings)

On Tilt EP by Beneath

One of the more pleasant surprises this year is the resuscitation of Untold’s Hemlock Recordings imprint. A vital voice in the post-dubstep fracas at the turn of the ‘10s thanks to releases from Hessle Audio’s Pearson Sound (when he was still Ramadanman) and Pangaea, James Blake, FaltyDL and Hodge to name but a handful, the label went dormant following a Ploy 12” in 2017 before the surprise announcement of Londoner Beneath’s On Tilt, which sounds every bit the sensible alliance in practice it looks on paper: These are low-end rumblers with irregular rhythms and spare melodic tics that worm their way into your brain in the best bone-humming fashion (see “Shambling” or “Lesser Circulation” for a good example). Who knows how long the return will last, but for a certain stripe of DMZ-damaged devotee and pretty much no one else, it’ll feel good to have some Hemlock in your life again. Tilt back, pour in.

Patrick Masterson

 Black Spirit— El Sueño De La Razón Produce Monstruos (Infinite Night Records)

More metal comes from South America than Spain, but these Europeans clear the high bar set by Latin America scenesters. The album’s title states that it was inspired by “El Sueño De La Razón Produce Monstruos.” That can testify both to lasting influence of Goya’s art and to the laziness of the current culture which seeks inspiration only from the most popular pictorial art of the past. The track “Ignorance and The Grotesque” perfectly captures the whole mood of the disc: it balances ignorant speeds, undecipherable vocals and grotesque parts with piano interludes and doom-ish atmosphere. It would be better without the grotesque, but that’s probably part of the baggage.

Ray Garraty

 Burial + Blackdown — Shock Power of Love EP (Keysound Recordings)

Shock Power of Love EP by Burial

You might worry, occasionally, that Burial was becoming a victim of diminishing returns. Here, as ever, he uses a narrow palette to create tracks that few can emulate. However, even though the music has its rewards, it doesn’t clear the very high bar that his previous work has set. Thus “Dark Gethsemane” rides a 4/4 beat, angelic murmurs, vinyl crackle and a tightly ratcheted build that morphs into a sermon led by the repeated invocation “We must shock this nation with the power of love.” As his vocal samples become more explicit, the mystery of his music fades. This is all promise and no real resolution. “Space Cadet’ likewise sounds both gorgeous and minor with its soul gospel refrain “Take Me Higher” over an old-school jungle beat. At six plus minutes it would have been enough. It continues another three with an almost cartoonish second movement that lacks the subtlety that characterizes Burial’s best work.

Andrew Forell 

  Colleen — The Tunnel and the Clearing (Thrill Jockey)

The Tunnel and the Clearing by Colleen

While COVID messed with most people’s lives, it was both an endgame and an opportunity for Cécile Schott, the Frenchwoman who records under the name Colleen. She was just coming out of a series of health and personal dislocations, which resulted in her being newly healthy but alone in a new town just as the lockdown came down. Clearly, this was not a time for half measures, so she selected an entirely new instrumental set-up and settled in to make a record that reflected what she��d been through. Out went the viola da gamba and melodica that have figured prominently on her last few albums; in came a Moog synthesizer, a Yamaha organ, a tape echo and a drum machine.  

Colleen’s voice, of course, remains the same. Airy and precise, her delivery doesn’t match the gravity of the experiences her songs describe. But that sense of remove is, perhaps, a reflection of one of adversity’s lessons; if you don’t stay stuck, you can wind up somewhere quite different. Between the keyboards’ cycling melodies and the drum machine’s fizzy beats, the music on The Tunnel and the Clearing imparts a sense of motion that carries her light voice along for the ride, dropping painful sentiments and letting them fall behind.

Bill Meyer  

 Current Joys — Voyager (Secretly Canadian)

Nick Rattigan has been releasing music under the name Current Joys since 2013, and Voyager is his latest offering. It’s a dramatic and often brilliant collection of songs, bringing to mind the urgent rhythmic drive of Spoon, the dour grandeur of The Cure and the unapologetic emotional heft of Bright Eyes or early Arcade Fire. On Voyager’s standout, “American Honey,” a simple strummed backing and Rattigan’s vocal delivery are potent enough, but it’s the string section that proves devastating, cycling around for multiple punches to the gut. While more stripped-back songs such as “Big Star” and “The Spirit or the Curse” offer some respite along the way, Voyager does prove a little unwieldy. With 16 tracks clocking in at nearly an hour, the album’s execution doesn’t quite live up to its ambition. The wonky tom-tom rhythms of “Breaking the Waves” are more distracting than interesting; a serviceable cover of Rowland S. Howard’s “Shivers” feels more like an acknowledgment of influence than a striking interpretation; and the combined six minutes of the two-part instrumental title track may have worked better as shorter interludes. Nevertheless, plenty of Voyager’s tracks demonstrate Rattigan’s knack for a raw, emotive indie-rock tune.

Tim Clarke

 Ducks Ltd — Get Bleak EP (Carpark Records)

Toronto duo Ducks Ltd celebrates signing to Carpark with an expanded re-release of their 2018 debut EP Get Bleak. The pair — Tom Mcgreevy on vocals, rhythm and bass guitars and Evan Lewis on lead guitar — bonded over a shared love of 1980s indie bands. Their intricately constructed guitar interplay carries the DNA of Postcard and C86 over meaty bass lines that evoke Mighty Mighty as much as Orange Juice and McCarthy. The sprightly music belies the miserablism of the lyrics that focus on FOMO, poor decisions, screen induced isolation, the corrosive impact of gentrification and gig economies. Mcgreevy and Lewis don’t wallow, however. Their jaunty jangle is a paean to the joys of jumping about and singing along with those new favorite songs that suddenly mean everything and will stick with you long after the world’s shit slopes your shoulders.

Andrew Forell

 Field Music — Flat White Moon (Memphis Industries)

It’s easy to take Field Music for granted. Since 2005, the Brewis brothers have been making smartly composed and tightly executed guitar pop with obvious debts to The Beatles and XTC, and all their albums have fallen somewhere along the continuum from good to great (my personal favorites are 2010’s Measure and 2012’s Plumb). Album number eight, Flat White Moon, features the usual balance between Peter’s more pensive, bittersweet numbers with greater focus on piano and strings, such as “Orion From the Street” and “When You Last Heard From Linda,” and David’s funkier, more staccato cuts, such as “No Pressure” and “I’m the One Who Wants to Be With You.” Twelve songs, 40 minutes, tunes for days — what’s not to love? If you’ve yet to get acquainted with Field Music, Flat White Moon is as good an introduction as any.

Tim Clarke 

 Gabby Fluke-Mogul/Jacob Felix Heule/Kanoko Nishi-Smith — Non-Dweller (Humbler)

non-dweller by gabby fluke-mogul, Jacob Felix Heule, & Kanoko Nishi-Smith

With Non-Dweller, we have a trio of Bay-Area improvisers who certainly do not reside in one place for very long. There is an agitated freneticism about their interactions here, the performers acting like electrons seeking to release energy and break out of orbit. Each player brings a unique collection of timbres to the party with their implement of choice. Heule is a percussionist by trade yet focuses on extended techniques — mainly friction-based — as he wrests an unholy wail from the maw of his bass drum. Fluke-Mogul’s violin sways between tone generator and noise source. Nishi-Smith is a classically trained pianist who here is bowing and plucking the koto, or Japanese zither. The trio spend most of their time in sparring mode, their energies unleashed with synchrony as if in an elaborate dance. It is clear they have collaborated before. Heule and Nishi-Smith have been at it for over a decade; Fluke-Mogul joined the party in 2019. The most gorgeous moments happen when all three players are focused on friction: Heule slides across his drum, Fluke-Mogul soars with their violin and Nishi-Smith gracefully bows her koto. The energy is focused and particles collide, creating waves of tone. The players wrestle intensity into submission, and the ensuing sonorities are unmissable.

Bryon Hayes

 FMB DZ — War Zone (Fast Money Boyz \ EMPIRE)

Ever since FMB DZ got shot and moved out of Detroit, he has continued to release angry music. (He may not be more productive after the assault, but he’s certainly not less so.) War Zone is his latest effort, along with The Gift 3 and Ape Season, and DZ is back in his paranoiac mode and ready for vengeance. That’s hardly unusual in this type of music but DZ stands out because he’s a bit angrier, a bit more pressing and a bit more gifted than the next man. He doesn’t outdo himself in this tape, but rather mostly follows the blueprint of Ape Season. The standout track is “Spin Again.”

Ray Garraty

 Ian M Fraser — Berserk (Superpang)

Berserk by Ian M Fraser

Ian M Fraser is kind enough to provide details about how he created and edited Berserk, although relatively few listeners are going to really know what “nonlinear feedback systems and waveset synthesis” are, let alone “sensormonitor primitives auditory perception software”. And fewer still will be able to focus on what that might mean while Berserk is actually playing, because the output of those programs and systems is immediately, viscerally clear. If a computer were actually capable of going rabid, feral, well, berserk, the human mind might imagine it sounds something like this. Over four shorter tracks and the relatively epic 8:26 of “The Cannibal,” Fraser either coaxes or allows (or both) his tools into the equivalent of something like what someone who knew very little about both genres might imagine is like a power electronics act playing free jazz or vice versa. It is absolutely viscerally thrilling (albeit probably easier to repeat at this length of 16 minutes than, say, 50) and will do the track the next time you feel like your brain needs a good hard scrub.

Ian Mathers 

  Human Failure — Crown on the Head of a King of Mud (Sentient Ruin Laboratories)

Crown on the Head of a King of Mud by Human Failure

It’s tough to figure out if the band’s name is meant specifically to apply to D. Cornejo (sole member of Human Failure) or to the general field of human failure, which grows ever more capacious. Whatever the intent, Human Failure makes thoroughly unlovable music, pitched somewhere on the continuum that runs from the primitivist death metal to stenchcore to harsh noise. This reviewer is especially fond (yep, somehow that’s the only word for it) of the title track of this 10” record: “Crown on the Head of a King of Mud” sloughs and slogs along for two minutes, sort of like one of the ripest zombies in Romero’s Day of the Dead (1985), wandering about and slowly falling to pieces in Florida’s tumid heat. Just as that last bit of flesh is poised to slide from bone, the song unexpectedly breaks into a run. Where is it going? What’s the rush? No one knows. Things eventually bottom out into “Disassembling Morality,” a static-and-distortion laden electronic interlude that might squeak and spark for a bit too long — but then “Your Hope Is a Noose” shambles into the frame. That zombie seems to have found some equally noisome and truculent friends. They djent and pogo around for a while, and the song has a lot more fun than seems called for by the band name. Cornejo might be pissed off by the myriad manmade disasters and outright catastrophes that burden the earthball (he’s sure angry as heck about something…). But the record ends up being sort of successful, if deafening, grinding, growling stench is on the agenda. All things considered, why wouldn’t it be?

Jonathan Shaw

 Insub Meta Orchestra — Ten / Sync (Insub)

Ten / Sync by INSUB META ORCHESTRA

Ten / Sync was recorded in September, 2020; not exactly lockdown time, but certainly not out of the pandemic woods. It’s no small task to keep any 50-strong orchestra going, let alone one devoted to experimental music. So, if you already have one, then having it perform during a pandemic is just another challenge among many. So, the Swiss-based orchestra assembled three groups of musicians, numbering 31 in all, and assembled their contributions during post-production. While this did not provide the social experience that IMO’s gatherings usually impart to participants, an outcome that just isn’t the same seems awfully representative of the time, right? And since one Insub Meta Orchestra subspeciality is making music that sounds like it was performed by many fewer players than were actually present, this collection of sustained chords concealing tiny actions and apparently disassembled passages is actually very representative of the ensemble’s music.

Bill Meyer

Amirtha Kidambi & Matteo Liberatore — Neutral Love (Astral Editions)

Neutral Love by Amirtha Kidambi & Matteo Liberatore

With her own group, the Elder Ones, and in Mary Halvorson’s Code Girl, singer Amirtha Kidambi shows how far you can take a song while still giving the meanings of words and the boundaries of form their dues. But Neutral Love, like her two tapes with Lea Bertucci, explores the territory outside the tower of song. The main structures for this improvised encounter with electric guitarist Matteo Liberatore seem to be a shared agreement to exclude certain options. Song form and overt displays of chops are right out; the patient manipulation of sounds is where it’s at. Liberatore opts mostly for swelling and subsiding resonations, while Kidambi spends a lot of time finding out what’s hiding at the back of her throat, drawing it out, and then tying it into elaborate shapes. Patient and eerie, these four tracks find a place adjacent to Charalambides at their most abstract, and make it their own.

Bill Meyer

 Kosmodemonic — Liminal Light (Transylvanian Recordings)

KOSMODEMONIC - LIMINAL LIGHT by KOSMODEMONIC

NYC outfit Kosmodemonic is among the recent wave of metal bands attempting to effect an organic-sounding synthesis of numerous subgenres: a slurry of sludge, a bit of black metal, a dose of doom, and a hit or two of the lysergic. When it works — as it does on a number of tracks on the band’s long new cassette Liminal Light — it’s an exciting sound. Songs like “Moirai” and “Broken Crown” manage to couple tuneful riffs, dirty tone and a muscular bottom end in ways that feel thumping, groovy and pretty weird. You’ll want to bump your butt around even as you’re looking for something to break. But the tape is pretty long, and the further afield Kosmodemonic gets from that mid-tempo groove, the more middling (and sometimes muddled) the material sounds. “With Majesty” can’t quite find its rhythmic footing in its more technical passages, and the song’s sludgier sections feel like compromises, rather than interesting maneuvers. But the record begins and finishes with really strong songs. Both “Drown in Drone” and “Unnaming Unlearning” embrace scale, letting their big riffs rip. When “Unnaming Unlearning” slips into complex sections of blackened and distorted dissonance, the drama surges. Formal experiment and manipulation of mood fold into each other. The song gets interesting, even as it’s reaching for a peak. And then it ends, suddenly, violently. It’s pretty good. Your impulse is to flip the tape and hear it again, which is just what Kosmodemonic wants you to do. Well played, dudes.

Jonathan Shaw

 Sarah Louise — Earth Bow (Self-Released)

Earth Bow by Sarah Louise

Asheville-based songwriter Sarah Louise wants to be your personal nature interpreter. The titles of her recordings, from her debut Field Guide through Deeper Woods and Nighttime Birds and Morning Stars are like planetary signposts pointing to a more intimate relationship with our planet as a living organism. With each successive release, her music has also become more and more organic sounding, culminating with Earth Bow, in which Louise herself is arms deep in humus, communing with birds and insects. Recordings of creation feature prominently; katydids, spring peeper frogs, a creek and various birds are credited as providing additional singing, augmenting the artist’s own mellifluous voice. For a recording in which the track titles and lyrics are focused on nature and Louise’s experiences therein, there are a lot of digital elements. Her 12-string guitar is prominent in places, but synths are everywhere: in the background, bouncing around like shooting stars, and mimicking the various fauna that they accompany. Yet the earthly and the machine-made are not juxtaposed, they are blended. The vocals, which center the recordings, tie both elements together nicely. Earth Bow is a tasty concoction, in which a variety of ingredients are married in botanical bliss.

Bryon Hayes

 Le Mav — “Supersonic (Feat. Tay Iwar)” (Immaculate Taste)

Nigeria’s alté scene has been bubbling for a couple of years now on the backs of guys like Odunsi (The Engine) and Santi, and Gabriel Obi bka Le Mav is no stranger to the fray, having produced Santi’s “Sparky,” Aylø and a recurring favorite of his, singer Tay Iwar. The two have already collaborated at length (for songs off Iwar’s debut album Gemini in 2019, as well as the entirety of last year’s Gold EP), so the comfort level here is established. It shows: Iwar’s smooth-as vocals match Le Mav’s breezy piano descent and gentle rhythmic shuffle in an easygoing song that matches anything you might hear coming from Miguel, Frank Ocean or the Sun-El Musician orbit. “If it feels right, touch the sky,” Iwar suggests early on. Well, don’t mind if I do.

Patrick Masterson

 Sugar Minott — “I Remember Mama” (Emotional Rescue)

I Remember Mama by Sugar Minott

At some point after Lincoln Barrington Minott had left Kingston and his early dancehall and lovers rock legacy with Studio One and Black Roots behind for cooler climates and the old world of London, he ran into producer Steve Parr at the Wackies offices. Story goes that the two decided to start up Sound Design Studio with the intent to record and mix for ads, film and music — but scant evidence of this idea exists beyond “I Remember Mama,” released on 7” and 12” in 1985 and reissued for the first time since via Stuart Leath and his long-trusted Emotional Rescue imprint. Parr does most of the work on the recording (Andy MacDonald shines on tenor sax and Paul Uden guitar in the original credits), but it’s all about the sweetness Sugar brings to the table: With backing from two accomplished performers in their own right, Janette Sewell and Shola Phillips, Minott’s naturally relaxed delivery shines through on this. “Sound Design” is a dubbier instrumental version that retains Sewell’s and Phillips’ vocals, and Dan Tyler (half of Idjut Boys) provides an even spacier, handclap-laden 11-minute remix, but while both variants are excellent, the boogie of the original is unassailable. Look for the vinyl to hit in July.

Patrick Masterson

 Jessica Ackerley — Morning/mourning (Cacophonous Revival)

Morning/mourning by Jessica Ackerley

It makes sense that Wendy Eisenberg wrote the liner notes to Morning/mourning, since they and Jessica Ackerley are bound by a shared commitment to string-craft. Both have a deep idiomatic foundation in jazz guitar, but neither is willing to be confined by what they’ve learned. In the case of Morning/mourning, that means that patiently paced ruminations upon Derek Bailey-like harmonics sit side by side with frantic but rigorously scripted forays that sound a bit like Jim Hall might if he input the contents of his French press intravenously. This album’s nine tracks observe passings and new beginnings, since Ackerley pulled the recording together while in quarantine, shortly before leaving Manhattan for Honolulu, and titled some of them in tribute to a pair of guitar teachers who were taken by 2020. But in their attention to tone, harmony, velocity and structure, these pieces, like Eisenberg’s records, speak as much to intellect as to emotion.

Bill Meyer

 Nadja & Disrotted — Split (Roman Numeral Records)

It makes a certain kind of sense for Nadja and Disrotted to tackle a split together; although both bands traffic in a particularly foreboding strain of doom metal, they also share a weird sort of comfort. There’s a sense more of horrible things happening around you than to you, like you’re in the eye of the storm or maybe in a bathysphere plunged to crushing depths. There is a precision to the menace, a measured quality to the noise. And they get there when they get there; as Dusted’s Jonathan Shaw pointed out in his review of Disrotted’s Cryongenics, “Pace seems to be the point.” This excellent split doesn’t shy away from these commonalities while still highlighting the distinct timbres of each act, with Nadja settling into and then returning to one of their indelibly titanic bass riffs throughout the 19-minute “From the Lips of a Ghost in the Shadow of a Unicorn's Dream” and Disrotted somehow conjuring the feeling of a massive structure corroding and collapsing on the 15-minute “Pastures for the Benighted”. When the latter slams to a half, one last hit echoing away, the listener may find themselves feeling equally relieved the onslaught is over and kind of missing both sides’ pulverizing embrace.

Ian Mathers 

 Nasimiyu — POTIONS (Figureight)

P O T I O N S by nasimiYu

Nasimiyu’s songs bounce and shimmy with complex rhythms, her background as a dancer and percussionist for Kabells and Sharkmuffin coming through in the intricate interplay of handclaps, breathy beat-boxing, rattling metal implements, all manner of drums and, not least, her lithe, twining vocal lines. “Watercolor” blossoms out of a burst of choral “la”s, each note allowed to flower briefly before behind cut off with a knife-edge; these are organic sounds shaped with mechanical precision. Against this background, Nasimiyu herself enters, her voice fluttery and syncopated, a bit like Neneh Cherry. The mix is full of separate elements, the backing vocals, a synthesizer working as a bass, handclaps, Nasimiyu’s singing, but the song remains light and translucent. “Feelings,” sings Nasimiyu, “I am in my feelings,” and so, for a moment, are we. Nasimiyu is half Kenyan and half Scandinavian-American, and you can hear a bit of East Africa in the surging sweetness of choral singing on “Immigrant Hustle.” But there’s a post-modern gloss over everything, as the singer brings in sonic elements from jazz, electronica, dance, pop and afro-beat. Yet however many layers are added, the sound remains bright and clear, a bead curtain of musical sensation whose elements click faintly as they brush together, but remain essentially separate.

Jennifer Kelly

 Carlos Niño & Friends — More Energy Fields, Current (International Anthem)

More Energy Fields, Current by Carlos Niño & Friends

Multi-instrumentalist and producer Carlos Niño latest album which straddles and largely crosses the line between spiritual jazz and new age ambience features friends from both worlds including Shabaka Hutchings, Jamael Dean, Dntel and Laraaji. Niño, who plays percussion and synthesizer, edited, mixed and produced the album from recordings made in 2019 and 2020 in a variety of settings. The results are largely low-key soundscapes designed to assist meditation on the fields and current of the title. Much evocation of the natural world, chiming eastern influenced percussion and layers of acoustic and synthetic keys that are lovely but tend to lull. It is the slightly disruptive reeds that prick the ears here, Aaron Hall’s plangent tenor on “Now the background is foreground,” Devin Daniels’ alto phrasing on “Together” and Hutchings’ expressive duet with Dean on “Please, wake up.”

Andrew Forell 

 Shane Parish — Disintegrated Satellites (Bandcamp subscription)

Disintegrated Satellites EP by Shane Parish

The normally ultra-productive Shane Parish didn’t put out a lot of music in 2020, and none of what did come out was recorded that year. It turns out that he was busy giving guitar lessons via zoom and moving from North Carolina to Georgia, but we’re well into a new year and he’s back in Bandcamp. This three tune EP doesn’t declare a new direction, of which Parish has had many, so much as an integration of his interests in American folk music and far Eastern tonalities. Simultaneously familiar and alien, but above all propulsive, it serves notice that the time for reflection has passed.

Bill Meyer 

 Séketxe — “Caixão de Luxo” (Chasing Dreams)

The thing that gets your attention about Séketxe is… well, everything: how many of them there are (i.e., how you can’t really tell who’s in the group and who isn’t), how they’re all propellant, a musical bottle rocket bursting out of your speakers, confrontationally in your face on camera — and how much fun it looks like they’re having. Somewhere out there beyond the reaches of kuduro and Mystikal lie the Angolan barks and rasps of this youthful sextet, who trade verses (and a soothing harmony drizzled right across the madness at around 1:40) among one another over an Eddy Tussa sample on a beat by producer about town Smash Midas. What are they on about? My Portuguese is nonexistent, let alone my Luandan slang, but even I can tell that title translates to “luxury casket.” Anyway, it’s bonkers and if you’re looking for a jolt your morning joe doesn’t deliver anymore, Séketxe oughta do it. You’ll never catch me thanking an algorithm, but I guess it’s true the maths can serve it up right every once in a while. Séketxe is the proof.

Patrick Masterson 

 Tōth — You and Me and Everything (Northern Spy)

You And Me And Everything by Tōth

The title of Alex Toth’s solo debut, Practice Magic and Seek Professional Help When Necessary, alludes to his belief in music as therapy — that there’s an alchemy in the process, yet one that can’t necessarily be depended on to pull you out of an emotional hole when that hole gets too deep. On his new album, You and Me and Everything, all of his recent personal struggles are out in the open. There’s the tale of when he was so fucked up he couldn’t play trumpet at a family funeral (“Turnaround (Cocaine Song)”); there’s leaning on songwriting as a means to process the pain of heartbreak (“Guitars are Better Than Synthesizers for Writing Through Hard Times”); and there’s his ongoing battle with anxiety (“Butterflies”). While such heavy emotional terrain could prove hard-going, Toth approaches everything with a playfulness, a lightness of touch and a gentle haze to the production. Plus, he gets a helping hand from Jenn Wasner (Wye Oak, Flock of Dimes), who lends backing vocals to standout “Daffadowndilly,” which taps into the woozy gorgeousness of prime Robert Wyatt.

Tim Clarke 

 Mara Winter — Rise, follow (Discreet Editions)

Rise, follow by Mara Winter

For people with busy performance schedules, 2020 posed a problem; how do you stay busy and creative when you can’t do what you usually do? Mara Winter, an American-born, Swiss-based flute player who specializes in Renaissance-era repertoire and instruments, used it to forge a new creative identity. In partnership with experimental composer and multi-instrumentalist Clara de Asís, she began exploring the commonalities between early, composed music and contemporary approaches and developed a platform to disseminate documents of that research into the world. Rise, follow, the inaugural release of Discreet Editions, is an hour-long piece for two Renaissance-style bass flutes played by Winter and Johanna Bartz. The two musicians played long, overlapping tones with contrast attacks, pushing on until they grew so tired from hefting those woodwinds that they just couldn’t play anymore. Effectively the performance unit is a trio, since the two musicians had to accommodate or collaborate with the reverberant acoustics of Basel’s Kartäuserkirche. The church’s echo threw sounds back at the player, turning pure tones into blurred timbres. While the instrumentation is antique, the ideas about sound combination and endurance have more to do with Morton Feldman, Phill Niblock and Aíne O’Dwyer. The result is music that is simultaneously meditative and as heavy as a bench-pressing competition.

Bill Meyer

 Wurld Series — What’s Growing (Melted Ice Cream)

What's Growing by Wurld Series

Some reviewers of What’s Growing, the second album by New Zealand’s Wurld Series, have managed to avoid making Pavement comparisons, but it’s hard to fathom their restraint. Brief opener “Harvester” feels like you’re being dropped mid-solo into a random Wowee Zowee track; the guitar tone on lead single “Nap Gate,” on the other hand, sounds like it's nicked straight from Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain. And while singer/guitarist Luke Towart doesn’t attempt to match Malkmus’ flamboyance in the vocal delivery department, their voices and wry lyrical observations bear a distinct resemblance to one another. “Caught beneath a dull blade / What a mess that would make” he sings on “Distant Business” before the song reaches its finale where guitar solos blast off from atop other guitar solos in an array of complementary textures. But besides being a ridiculously fun guitar pop record, What’s Growing is also threaded through with a British psych folk vibe replete with Mellotron flute — and the two styles blend seamlessly together thanks to Towart’s partner in crime, producer/drummer Brian Feary (Salad Boys, Dance Asthmatics). So, whether you're looking for a great summer indie rock record or you’ve ever wondered what the Fab Five from Stockton might’ve sounded like if they’d stuck to short songs and had more flutes, this one’s for you.

Chris Liberato

[bluesey-182]

We Have To Stop Meeting Like This - Chapter 13

1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10 / 11 / 12 / ao3

it’s been a very long time, but at last,,, here’s an update. also, the end of this chapter gets NSFW so i will not be tagging anyone in this post, i will however continue to tag everyone that has asked to be tagged in the next chapter.

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Jude was tuning out every noise around her in statistics class. The professor, a young man barely out of university himself, looking thoroughly hungover that morning, had divided them up into small groups for some group project, though what that project was Jude had no idea. She kept trying to convince herself to pay attention but her mind was elsewhere. Absentmindedly, she tapped her pencil against the palm of her hand while her feet tapped a different beat under the desk. When she woke up that morning she had considered staying home, given what day it was and the emotions it tended to bring up, but her tenuous grade in this class had ultimately made the decision for her.

“June?” One of her classmates asked, waving his hand in front of her face to get her attention. “Are you even listening?”

She considered biting his hand but settled for swatting it out of her face. “My name is Jude.”

The idiot kept talking but movement at the door in the front of the classroom caught her eye. The door was propped open, the professor unaware given he was facedown on his desk, and standing there, looking like a cruel prince from a wicked storybook, was Cardan. His black jeans ended into his untied high top converse, his matte-black shirt with silky designs on it was unbuttoned at the top and rolled up at the sleeves, and his hair was a glorious mess. He had put on gold eyeliner that morning and Jude felt her stomach tighten pleasantly. As she stared, he finally found her sitting in the back of the room and gave her a wicked smile before indicating with a wave that she should come out into the hallway with him. She made a face that hopefully conveyed that he was an imbecile for expecting her to leave class when there was still half an hour left, and in return he made a face that dared her to do it anyway.

“Well then Jude you still didn’t answer my question,” her classmate continued, ignoring the conversation happening between her and Cardan spoken solely with their faces.

She really wanted to punch this guy. Another look at Cardan showed an amused smile as he eyed the classmate sitting next to her, a knowing look in his eyes that Jude was probably going to murder him in the next minute. 

Maybe the universe had sent Cardan to save this kid's miserable life from her ending it.

“Actually,” Jude said as she scooped her notebook and pen into her backpack, “I have to go, um,” Cardan was laughing silently to himself and it was very distracting, “go water my…. goldfish,” she finished absentmindedly before bolting towards the door. Her professor, popping a handful of ibuprofen into his mouth, didn’t seem to notice.

Once out in the hall, Cardan let the door slide closed behind them before taking her face in his hands and giving her a gentle kiss that made her heart soar. 

“Hey, you,” he said after taking the smallest step away.

“I was in class, what do you want?”

“From the looks of it, you were about to commit a felony on some poor, unexpecting dimwit. I am merely saving you from your least favorite class and, possibly, prison.”

“I can’t afford to fail this class, Cardan,” Jude said with no real heat.

“I’ll help you with the homework.” Jude glared at him, knowing how much of a pain in the ass he was when he “helped” her with her homework. “So why are you dragging me out of class?” 

Cardan’s face lit up like he had almost forgotten and then he started patting down all his pockets while mumbling to himself. Finally he pulled a folded piece of paper from his back pocket and presented it to her like a magician would present a flower. “Because, my dear, I have a very important question for you.”

Feeling confused, Jude took the paper from his open palm and unfolded it. It was almost entirely blank except for the question “do you like me?” with two boxes to check yes or no. Jude rolled her eyes. “You’re absolutely ridiculous.” With a flourish, Cardan produced a pen from his same back pocket and blinked at her innocently. “I’m not answering.” At her words Cardan gave her a sad face that was entirely fake. With a huff, Jude snatched the pen from his hand and checked the box next to yes.

“You make me swoon, Jude,” Cardan teased.

“You really interrupted my class for this?”

“What? Oh, no, I interrupted your class because a little birdy told me,” he sidled up and smoothly pulled her into him, “that today is your birthday.”

Jude’s mood soured ever so slightly. “What little birdy?”

“Mm,” Cardan hummed as he kissed her neck. Goosebumps rose all over her body.

“Nice try,” she said, placing a hand on his chest and gently pushing him and his lips a safe distance away from her. “What little birdy, Cardan.”

He relented, “Your sister.”

“You’ve been talking to Taryn?” Instead of answering her question, Cardan gave Jude a withering look. “Oh. Right. You’re friends with Vivi. But so what if it’s my birthday? I don’t really celebrate.”

“So I was told,” Cardan said lightly as he took her hand in his and started guiding her towards the back exit of the building. “Which is exactly why I’m snatching you out of class to spend the day with me.”

“That sounds more like a birthday treat for you, not me.”

“You wound me Jude, you really do. But I promise I’ll make it worthwhile for you as well.”

It was a surprisingly warm day for mid-November. They were driving with the windows down, Jude’s hand hanging out the window and lazily surfing the breeze, Cardan singing out of time with the music playing on the radio. Despite the depression Jude’s birthday tended to bring on, a wave of peace washed over her as she turned her head to look at Cardan. Instead of wearing his sunglasses to block the bright sun, he was currently using them as a headband to keep his floppy hair out of his face while he drove, though it wasn’t proving to be very effective. The wind swept his hair about and every so often a piece of it would slap him in the face.

“So where are we going?” Jude asked for the fifth time since they had gotten into the car. They had driven out of town and were now on a country road full of trees displaying the last of their leaves before winter washed the world of color. Instead of answering Jude’s question, Cardan gave her a lopsided grin in response and took her hand in his free one. 

“It wouldn’t be a surprise if I told you, now would it?” Cardan finally said after Jude released a long, drawn out breath.

“I hate surprises,” she mumbled. 

“It’ll be fun,” Cardan insisted.

“I hate you.”

“Liar.”

“Miscreant.”

“Bully.”

“Baby.”

“Yes, darling?” Cardan replied.

“No, I was calling you a baby,” explained Jude. The smirk Cardan tried to suppress showed that Jude had walked right into that one. 

“I do so love it when you call me pet names,” Cardan continued. “Makes me feel all warm and gooey inside. Like a pie left out in the sun.”

“You shouldn’t leave pies out in the sun, birds will eat them.”

“Well I am such a goddamn snack…” Cardan trailed off as Jude began to laugh.

“Says you.”

“Darling, have you seen this ass?”

“Alright,” Jude laughed, “if you’re a snack what does that make me?”

“A four-course meal,” Cardan said as if that were obvious. “Now, if you will direct your attention to your right you will see we have arrived at our destination. Please do not feed the animals and remember the rules of being out in nature: leave no trace and take no prisoners. Sunscreen will not be provided and if a bear attacks you’re on your own.”

Jude looked out the window as Cardan pulled into a mostly empty dirt parking lot in front of a state park. Trees obscured the view beyond the opening of the main path, some of the autumnal colored leaves still clinging to their branches. Stepping out of the car, Jude was greeted by a kind of calming quiet one never got in civilization. The air smelled cleaner than Jude thought should be possible and the shining sun chased away any chills that the season tried to bring on. Birds that hadn’t yet made their migration sang from the trees, different melodies coalescing into a symphony of sounds.

It was beautiful.

The sound of a trunk door closing turned Jude’s attention to where Cardan had just pulled a basket from the trunk of his car. He watched her with a small smile and bright eyes as she took in their surroundings.

“If you brought me out here to murder me,” Jude joked, “I must say I approve of the scenery.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, clearly I brought you out here to paint you nude in nature like a faerie queen.”

“Are you saying you’ll be painting in the nude, or I’ll be nude in the painting?”

With a chuckle, Cardan tapped Jude on the tip of her nose and smiled brightly. “I like the way you think. Perhaps both. Or perhaps we’ll skip the painting entirely and just get naked. Shall we?” Cardan indicated the path with a flourish and they began walking hand in hand through the tree lined path.

“I think we should skip,” Cardan observed. “We don’t skip nearly enough as adults.”

“Skipping implies levity, and how can one be joyous when they’re drowning in college debt?”

“You really know how to ruin my fun, Jude. You can be quite cruel. And yet… I find it turns me on.”

Jude rolled her eyes. Something Cardan had said earlier had just begun to register in her mind. “Hey, what the fuck does leave no trace and take no prisoners mean?”

“What?”

“When we first got here,” Jude explained, “You said ‘leave no trace and take no prisoners.’”

“Oh, right. Leave no trace means that you should leave things how you find it, stay on the trail, yada yada yada.”

“I’m not familiar with ‘yada yada yada.’”

“Hush, my darling,” tutted Cardan before continuing with his explanation. “And ‘take no prisoners’ means that you don’t take anything out of nature. Like a pretty rock or a dead squirrel or a mushroom that has the potential to be psychedelic.” 

“Yes, those are precisely the trinkets I want as souvenirs,” Jude teased. Cardan only shrugged his shoulders and melted her heart with his smile.

“This way,” he said, gently leading her down a narrower path. After almost thirty minutes of walking they emerged into a clearing of grass overlooking a small waterfall flowing down a face of rocks and a pool of water surrounded by blue flowers. Mesmerized, Jude crept up to the bank of forget-me-nots and stared at her reflection mirrored in the pool of water. All sound seemed to be muffled in the little clearing, the perfect circle of grass separating the forest from the little pond. It felt magical and Jude stole a glance at Cardan. 

“How did you find this place?” She asked.

Instead of answering, Cardan set down the basket in his arms and pulled a checkered blanket from its depths. He placed the folded blanket over one arm like a tea towel and held his finger to his face in imitation of a mustache. “Will the lady be dining alone today?” He asked in a horrible french accent.

“Yes. Yes, she will.”

“I’m afraid I must insist on joining you.”

“Mmm. No thanks.”

Cardan laughed and it was warmer than sunlight. “Will you let me join you if I promise never to talk in that accent again?”

Jude pretended to consider this for a moment. “I suppose,” she dragged out, running her eyes along the length of his body. “You would make for rather handsome company.”

With a grin, Cardan whipped open the blanket and laid it out on the grass with a bit of theatrics, indicating with a slight bow and an extended hand that Jude should sit. After joining her on the blanket, Cardan opened the basket once again and peered inside.

“I hope you like the concept of food more than actually eating it because I forgot to actually pack any,” he said seriously. 

“Cardan!”

“I’m joking, I’m joking!” He held his hands up in surrender and laughed as Jude attempted to toss a nearby leaf in his face. “Let’s see what we’ve actually got in here, shall we?” And so he proceeded to produce fresh bread, soft cheeses, fancy meats, a variety of fruits, and chocolate pastries from the basket. After laying out their feast, he then pulled plastic plates, two cups, and a bottle of grape juice from the bottom of the picnic basket.

“Why grape juice?” Jude asked with a laugh.

“Because, darling, I have to drive and I know you’re not big on alcohol. But I still wanted to stick to the spirit of things, hence the grape juice instead of wine.”

“You really thought of everything.”

“Yes, well,” Cardan released a labored breath, faking humility, “I am rather thoughtful.”

Jude rolled her eyes and leaned in to catch Cardan’s mouth with her own. The kiss finally shut him up and he cradled the sides of her face in his hands, gently tugging her closer until she was nearly in his lap. He deepened the kiss, turning it from something soft to something desperate as Jude ran her hands through his hair. She caught his bottom lip between her teeth and bit down, causing him to release a shaky breath into her mouth. Cardan’s hands slid down to grip her hips and pull her into his lap so she was straddling him as they continued to kiss until they were breathless. Jude knew if she didn’t stop now, they really would both end up naked like Cardan had claimed. Reluctantly, she drew back to look at him. His eyes, already nearly black to begin with, seemed even darker. She felt something pull deep in her abdomen at the sight of him. Maybe…? No, she resolved, not in public. Giving him one last kiss, Jude withdrew back to her spot on the blanket, Cardan’s hand reaching out to her with a look of desperation on his face. Lord help her, he was giving her those puppy dog eyes. 

With a laugh, she playfully swatted his hand away and said, “Later.”

As if to prove her point, the sounds of a family walking nearby with their giggling kids and barking dog drifted into their little nook.

Cardan sighed. “I suppose you’re right. Wouldn’t want to shock that poor family by ravaging each other right here in this very romantic alcove.”

After they finished eating, they ended up taking off their shoes and rolling up their pant legs to dangle their feet in the water. A frog croaked somewhere along the banks and birds flew to the water before darting away again. Beside her, Cardan laid back in the grass with his eyes closed.

“How did you even find this place?” Jude asked again softly.

Cardan opened his eyes and fixed them on Jude. “Sometimes I need to get away.”

“So you run to the woods?” Jude teased.

“Yes, obviously,” Cardan huffed as he sat up and nudged her with his shoulder. “Haven’t you ever wanted to become a forest cryptid after running away from society?”

Jude laughed. “No, I can’t say that I have.”

“You should try it sometime. Wailing in the woods is very cathartic.”

By the time they left the park, the sun was beginning to set. They had accidentally fallen asleep while staring up at the clouds and only woke up when Jude began drooling on Cardan’s stomach and he had woken up with a small shriek thinking there was a spider crawling on him. 

The car ride was pleasantly quiet, Jude’s head blissfully free of worries, Cardan’s thumb tracing circles along the back of her hand on the console between them. Jude had to admit it was a good birthday.

As if he could hear her thoughts, Cardan broke the silence. “Why don’t you celebrate your birthday?” The question was hesitant, leaving Jude the space to ignore it should she not want to share this little tidbit of her life. But after everything she’d already shared with Cardan, it seemed silly to hide this. Honestly, it was something she’d bottled up for so many years that she found the prospect of sharing it to be like lifting a weight off her chest.

“It makes me sad,” she replied barely above a whisper. “I miss my parents. Madoc always did something for our birthday but it wasn’t the same, you know? I miss the way my mom would squeeze us in her arms after we blew out the candles, and how my dad would try to take a picture but end up blinding us or himself with the flash. My mom loved those prank candles that would keep relighting after you blew them out and Taryn would shriek and I’d laugh and my dad would say I was going to be an arsonist if I didn’t get my fascination with fire under control.”

Cardan gave her hand a reassuring squeeze. “They sound wonderful,” he said very quietly.

“They were.” Jude wiped a stray tear off her face and stared out the window as they lapsed back into silence.

From her back pocket, Jude’s phone started screaming it's ringtone at her, making her jump hard enough to bash her elbow into the car door. “Sonofabi--,” she exclaimed as she dug the phone from her jeans and answered it right before it went to voicemail. “Hello?”

“Where the fuck are you?” Vivi’s frantic voice filtered through the phone.

“What? Why, what’s going on?” Panic was starting to build in Jude’s chest and she saw her same fear reflected in Cardan’s gaze as he looked to her for what she needed from him.

“It’s your birthday!” Vivi said, like this explained everything. The worry in Jude’s chest dissolved into irritation.

“So?” 

“So?!” Vivi repeated. “So Taryn and I are already at Madoc’s for your birthday dinner and you’re nowhere to be found.”

“Oh fuck. Fuck! I totally forgot!” 

“Obviously! Look, I’ll try to stall until you get here. Taryn brought Locke so you might as well bring Cardan too. Get here as fast as you can, dumbass.” With that, Vivi hung up.

Jude turned to Cardan, where he was looking at her expectantly.  “We have to go to my dad’s.”

They barely made it through the front door before Vivi was upon them like a hyena. “Thank god you’re here, Madoc is starting to throw a fit.”

As if summoned by the mention of his name, Madoc stepped into the foyer and gave Jude a withering look. “Why aren’t you dressed?” He barked.

Jude was fairly certain her clothes hadn’t fallen off, leaving her standing in the doorway naked, but she still looked down at herself in assessment. She was very clearly dressed. 

“Never mind, some of your old dresses are still in your room, you must get changed before the guests arrive.” He took in Cardan’s attire and made a face like he had just drank spoiled milk. “I suppose you’ll do.”

Jude was feeling a little lost. “Guests?”

“Yes, Jude, guests. This is, afterall, a birthday party. I don’t want you embarrassing me in front of all our family friends and associates, so I suggest you go change out of that ratty sweater before everyone arrives.” Without waiting for a reply, Madoc left the room in the same storm he had entered it with.

“Guests?” Jude asked again, this time directing her attention at Vivi.

Vivi shrugged. “Oh you know dear old dad, he’ll turn everything into a business affair given half the chance. Now go get dressed so I don’t have to bury you on your birthday.”

Jude's childhood bedroom was sparse. Most of her things had been moved to her apartment after leaving Madoc’s, but there were a few things left behind: a bed, a handful of stuffed animals, an old dresser that was long but low with an attached mirror, and a bookcase with children's books still lining it's shelves. It was this last one that Cardan drifted to as Jude shut the door behind her. She drifted to her closet and the few dresses that remained there.

"Alice in Wonderland?" He said, taking a collectors edition off the top shelf. "This was my favorite book as a kid."

"You can have it," Jude said as she walked out of the closet in her chosen dress for the night and leaned against the nightstand after zipping the back up the rest of the way. Cardan raised his eyebrows at her over his shoulder and set the book down on the bed.

"It's your birthday," he purred, coming up to her and running his hands along her hips before shifting them so they were pressed squarely against his. He easily lifted her up and set her down on the dresser for him to settle between her knees. Jude felt her breath catch. "I'm supposed to be the one giving you a gift." 

"Is the gift sex?" Jude breathed as Cardan ran his lips along her throat. 

He chuckled against her collarbone, and lord help her, she felt hot all over. 

"No," he said, his voice low and undeniably sexy. "But the option's always on the table."

He continued to leave a trail of hot kisses along her skin as her almost feverish body continued to get hotter. Cardan was driving her crazy, and if the smile he pressed into her pulse point was any indication, he knew it to.

"God, this dress, Jude…"

"What? Don't like it?" She managed, looking down at the midnight blue fabric that hugged her curves nicely before pooling loosely just above her knees.

"I like you in it, that's for sure. But I'd also like you without it right about now." Cardan's fingers were gently running up the sides of her thighs. 

"Then take it off," she whispered in his ear.

His fingers came to the hem of her underwear and she shimmied out of them as he gently tugged them down. Then his hands were right where she wanted them, teasing her, exploring her, all while he continued to kiss every available inch of her skin. She gasped and, without fully meaning too, dug her nails into Cardan's shoulder as he inserted a finger. He was going too damn slow. She wanted more more more more.

"Cardan," she moaned. He smiled against her skin once more and added another finger. "Fuck, Cardan."

His strokes were reverent, like he was worshipping her. With his free hand he slid the strap of her dress off her right shoulder. Then her left. Her dress pooled around her waist on the dresser and his mouth found her breasts.

More more more more.

"This is all I've been able to think about since we kissed earlier," he said against her mouth.

"Yeah?" 

"Jude…"

She kissed him, the kiss getting more and more desperate as his fingers continued to stroke her. His rhythm was slowly dissolving as his own desire drove him just as crazy. He wanted her just as much as she wanted him, and she wanted him bad.

"Do you have a condom?" She asked around her panting.

"Would you hate me if I said I've been carrying one since the first time we had sex?" 

Jude's laugh was low and sultry. "No, I wouldn't hate you. If anything I'd say thank god."

His fingers found a particularly sensitive spot and she bit her lip to contain the last half of a yelp that tore through her. She could feel her hips rocking against him even though she wasn't consciously doing it. When she looked down, she could see cardan hard and straining against his tight jeans.

"Get the condom," she pleaded.

Much to her disappointment, Cardan withdrew the hand inside her to remove his wallet from his back pocket in order withdraw a condom and shuck off his pants. His mouth found hers in a desperate series of kisses as he slid the condom on and then his hands were on her again and oh she was losing her mind. 

"Cardan?"

"Hmm?"

"The bed."

He backed up and sat down on the edge of the bed. Jude hopped off the dresser, her dress falling the rest of the way off her body to collect in a pool at her feet. Steadily, she walked over to Cardan, aware of his gaze taking in every inch of her exposed skin. His eyes seemed to gleam.

"God you're so fucking beautiful," he said. 

Jude settled into his lap. He was looking up at her in a way that made her stomach tumble even more as he leaned back and braced himself with a hand against the mattress behind him. His other hand cradled Jude against his body. And then, finally, he slid into her.

"Oh, fuck," he whispered as Jude began rocking her hips. His hands grabbed hold of her waist, he buried his head against her chest, and his breath came in short, hot gasps as Jude rode him. 

When he began to move his hips beneath her, Jude let out a cry of pleasure, which drew a chuckle out of cardan.

"As much as I love to hear your moans, you might want to try to be quiet, darling," he purred in that way that made Jude want to do very unholy things to him. 

Her mind was struggling for words as she shoved at his chest to push his back against the mattress. Finally, she managed, "Fuck you, Greenbriar."

"I think you already are."

"Then fuck me."

With a laugh he bucked his hips and she threw her head back in pleasure, Cardan's fingers trailing her exposed throat before sliding into her hair. His free hand had a firm hold on her hips as he rocked his and oh my god she was nearing the edge of a cliff. His teeth grazed her collarbone before finding her nipple, his hand slid in the small space between them and began running circles on her and oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck…

Jude fell off that cliff with a cry as Cardan fell with her.

Trying to catch her breath, Jude collapsed on top of Cardan. Beneath her cheek his chest rose and fell as fast as hers, his heartbeat going a mile a minute. Jude didn't mind the sweat sticking to his skin, or how her own sweaty skin made their stomachs stick together. She just laid with her head on his chest, legs still around his hips, and closed her eyes as his fingers stroked her back, her hair, tucking a stray strand behind her ear. Jude decided she could live in this moment forever. Being held by Cardan after being loved by him, slowly beginning to doze off as she breathed in the scent of his skin, enveloped in the warmth of it.

"Jude," he said gently.

"Hmm?"

"We should probably make ourselves decent and go back downstairs before someone comes looking for us." This elicited a groan of a different variety than moments before from Jude. Cardan gave a soft laugh and pressed his lips against her sweaty forehead. 

"Come on, Jude. I'd rather not get caught having sex with you by your dad."

"But you're not having sex with me anymore," she teased. This made Cardan smile wickedly. Before she could think about the wisdom behind her own taunt, Cardan had them flipped over so he was on top of her. 

"You're right, my sweet villain," he purred, "but I can still drive you crazy." His fingers grazed down her stomach, millimeters away from where she was once again hot all over, before he pulled away from her and started pulling on his pants.

"I really fucking hate you sometimes, you know that?" Jude said.

With a laugh, Cardan buckled his pants and leaned over the bed so he was propped over Jude again. "Come on," he said, helping her sit up. "We can pick up where we left off once we get back to your apartment." 

That didn't seem soon enough. But Cardan was handing her her dress and she grumpily slipped it on. After both using the bathroom attached to her room, she led the way to her bedroom door and was about to pull it open when Cardan's hand stopped her. Gently, so gently, he spun her around and pressed her back against the door. He kissed her, once, and then he was pulling open the door, his fingers interlocking with hers, and they were going back downstairs.

The party passed in a blur. The guests were there more for Madoc than for Jude and Taryn and the twins seemed to orbit on different axises. Jude saw Taryn in passing but never stopped to talk, and Vivi tried to split her time between the two of them while making sure they both knew how much it irritated her. Throughout the night, Cardan stole kisses in secluded places. The empty kitchen, a corner in the hallway, behind a potted plant by the tables overflowing with food. On the back patio with the stars shining down on them. Jude cherished every kiss, every touch, and felt herself fall a little more each time.

“Happy birthday, Jude,” Cardan whispered against her skin as he settled an opal necklace around her throat.

[potahun]

“Wo Men De Ge” Archery competition /translation

Translation of some of the archery bits in this special edition of Ep.11 of Season 1, because it was hilarious at the time and this week’s episode in S2 made me a nostalgic bastard on main again. Starts from approx. 1:52 onwards and ends around 14:39.

MC Lin Hai welcomes Na Ying back, who makes her entrance by singing a song from Fei Yuqing. Lin Hai notes that Ayanga isn’t there yet (he was on the plane), so he would pair up with Fei Yuqing in Ayanga’s stead. 

The order of performance in the Episode is to be decided via one round of archery and one round of draws.

MC: So let’s do it like this. The youngest ones here are our Shen Shen and our Yi Qiao. Therefore, you two have the right to decide. You can pick your opponents. 

ZS: I’ve already decided about my opponent. I believe everyone here knows the theory of Tian Ji’s strategy for horse-racing. The weakest *designates himself* should pick the strongest....teacher Hua Jian.

ZHJ: !! *sings while shaking ZS’s hand* You look deeply at me~

ZS: *sings in the same tune* Last time you overtook me by a whole lap~ (at kart racing)

MC (to ZS): So your picking teacher Hua Jian today, is it for revenge?

ZS: I’m....helping everyone to get rid of the strongest first. *laughs*

ZHJ: He fell for it.

MC: Then, Yi Qiao, he took your master away. What about you?

YQ: I think...how about teacher Keqin? 

LKQ: *waves hi*

YQ: I think he’s pretty strong too, so I want to have a match.

LKQ: I’m good at a lot of sports....except archery.

MC: Then, the next one will be interesting: Xiao Zhan. You pick. Do you want to go against me or Xiao Ge? Your pick.

XZ: Then I’ll pick....Teacher Fei. (FYQ: Ey. Alright.)

NY (to XZ): Yes. Elder brother (Fei Yuqing), he’s got hyperopia.  (FYQ: Aayy *laughs* XZ: !!!!!!!!) He won’t be able to do it. It’ll all be blurry -- he’ll just see a pile of circles. No problem! He won’t shoot accurately. 

MC: Alright. Then, Na Jie, I’ll accompany you. Alright? 

First group up: Zhou Hua Jian vs Zhou Shen (Zhou-Zhou shooting)

Everyone shouts encouragements from the back of the room, while Zhou Hua Jian prepares to shoot. His first arrow scores a 5.

ZS: Wooow~

YQ: Not bad!

MC, singing: Aaaaahh Fifth Ring~ (Everyone laughs)  (T/N: It’s a famous song about Beijing’s ring roads that was a bit of a gag, called the 5th Ring Road Song)

ZHJ, pretending to be dissatisfied: The wind is too strong! Can someone turn off the aircon? 

Meanwhile, Zhou Shen struggles to even nock the arrow. 

ZS, laughing: Aiya...my arrow keeps on falling... (LKQ, watching him from behind: *snorts* Aiyo ya.)

After much struggle, Zhou Shen shoots a 0. Li Keqin stands up:

LKQ: OK OK! OK! OK! It’s better than I imagined! It’s better than your driving!!

Zhou Shen turns around to laugh back at him. Meanwhile, Zhou Hua Jian shoots his 2nd arrow...which also turns out to be a 0. 

NY: Ohh, which one is that?

ZHJ: No, no. That fell outside the target.

LKQ, standing up again: Zhou Shen! You can do it!

ZS, shouting towards the back of the room:  I THINK I CHOSE THE RIGHT PERSON. *cackles soundlessly*

ZHJ: You insult me! *laughs*

ZS: I’ve never participated in such a fair competition!! (ZHJ bursts out laughing)

FYQ: This arrow is an important one. 

LKQ (to ZS): A bit higher! A bit higher!

Zhou Shen shoots a 5. Much wow-ing and clapping ensues.

ZHJ, giving him a high-five: Whoaaa!! You’re too much, you! You’re too much! (ZS laughs)

XZ: Whoa, fate changed with just one arrow...!

ZS (to the back of the room): THE SCORES ARE VERY EVENLY MATCHED. *laughs impishly*

ZHJ: Alright alright. I’ve been too generous! I can’t let you win anymore.

ZS, leaning towards him: You certainly talk big. *cackles impishly* 

ZHJ, preparing to shoot: Whooa. OK! Here I go.

ZS, teasing him: It’s off, it’s off. A bit lower. It’s off, it’s off, it’s off...

Zhou Hua Jian shoots another 0 (it actually turns out Zhou Shen was right, it was way too high). 

ZHJ, laughing (to ZS): No matter where you shoot, you’ve won now. (ZS makes a face) What’s that expression for?? 

ZS: If I shoot above yours, I’ve lost. (ZHJ laughs)

Zhou Shen finally shoots his 3rd arrow. It’s a 3. Zhou Shen won against Zhou Hua Jian by 3 points.

ZS (to the others): Who would have thought I’d win on the account of the person I picked? *laughs*

Second group: Li Keqin vs Jiang Yi Qiao.

LKQ (to the others): I’ll tell you, I saw it earlier on TV, everything else is unimportant -- the most important thing is the mouth. *does a big-lipped fish expression*

ZHJ: Alright then, let’s have a look at how his mouth is doing.

Li Keqin actually does the thing with his mouth and shoots a very stable 7. Xiao Zhan proceeds to imitate the pose in an attempt to learn. Meanwhile, Jiang Yi Qiao is struggling.

YQ: Hold on, I’m shaking a little....

LKQ, laughing: Your mouth has to be like this. *does the fish lips again*

Yi Qiao tries it, shoots 3 arrows back-to-back and gets 0, 2, and 0 points respectively. Zhou Hua Jian and Zhou Shen are both dying at the back of the room.

ZHJ, standing up: You guys should check! *points at Yi Qiao’s last arrow on the wall* I’m sure a fly just died over there.

Meanwhile, Li Keqin shoots a 5 and a 4. Qin Shen Shen leads for the moment being, with 24 vs 7 points. 

ZS, clapping and welcoming LKQ back: Awesome, awesome, awesome.

LKQ: Ehhh, it’s all thanks to youuu.

Third Group: Lin Hai (standing in for Ayanga) vs. Na Ying.

Na Ying goes first.

NY: Eh. *winces as she shoots a 0 point on the wall* Eh...

XZ: It’s okay, it’s okay!

ZHJ, pointing at XZ: Yeah, it’s okay, there’s him going behind you, there’s still him.

ZS: It’s okay, there’s still Xiao Zhan!

XZ: What if they all go off-track? *laughs*

Na Ying shoots her other arrows and they’re all 0s. 

ZHJ, laughing: Hey, they’re all way up there!

Na Ying’s arrows:

LKQ: Great aim. All 3 arrows are around the same area... (ZHJ: If you move the whole target upwards, she’d be smack in the middle. )

For some reason, Na Ying nocks another arrow and slowly turns it towards MC Lin Hai.

ZHJ, from the back of the room: Na Jie, don’t direct your arrow at him.

MC, finally noticing the danger: Eh?! *jumps back and laughs nervously* Um...uh?

NY, smiling sweetly but in a vaguely threatening manner: Hehe. What I mean to say is...you’re up against someone old, so....

MC, reassuring but backing up slowly: No, no, no, I’ve got it. I’ve got it.

NY, still vaguely threatening: You get me, right...?

MC, with his arrow nocked (to NY): I know. *turns his head towards her* I’ll just shoot while looking at you.

MC Lin Hai shoots a 10 (full score) while looking at Na Ying. The whole room loses it, Zhou Hua Jian most of all. 

MC, half-collapsed and laughing (to NY): I...I was really looking at you just now! I just--

NY, in equal disbelief: My God!! You’re playing this hand against me...? That’s really too good!! Seriously...what’s the expression again, this is like playing the pig to eat the tiger!! Aiyoo.... (MC: I didn’t...!)

XZ: Is that a 10?? (ZS: Yeah it is.) *has a mental breakdown*

NY (to XZ): He went straight for that yellow eye! (XZ: He’s too good!)

MC Lin Hai shoots a 3 this time and takes a few timid steps backwards, backing away from Na Ying.

NY: That’s still very good. That’s still very good...

ZS, yelling into his hands: Lin Hai, have mercy! (XZ: Have mercy!!)

MC (to the others): I’m just building some foundation for Xiao Ge.

FYQ, with utmost comfort: First place confirmed~ (The others laugh)

MC Lin Hai’s last arrow is a 5. Fei Yuqing claps for him, while Na Ying makes a small salute, fist against palm. MC Lin Hai returns the salute.

NY (to MC): That was really cool. (MC Lin Hai bows)

Last group: Xiao Zhan vs Fei Yuqing

Before they start, Lin Hai realises that Xiao Zhan has some prior experience with archery because he did it in the Untamed/CQL. Na Ying proceeds to add to Fei Yuqing that he probably won’t win, because Xiao Zhan has the basics down. Xiao Zhan protests he was only playing around at the time. 

His first arrow is nonetheless an 8. Everyone cheers. 

FYQ, smiling: It’s starting.

Xiao Zhan gets a 6 in the meantime. Fei Yuqing casually gets ready to shoot; he’s not even holding his arrow the standard way.

LKQ, quietly: Xiao Ge is probably gonna be really good.

MC: Xiao Ge, you can do it!

Fei Yuqing lets off his arrow and shoots a 10, while the whole room collectively loses it. 

Everyone: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LKQ, excitedly (to ZHJ): I JUST SAID THAT! I JUST SAID THAT!

ZHJ (back to LKQ): YOU JUST SAID THAT!! 

ZS, looking like his soul’s been sucked out: Wooho ho ho.....A 10.......!

Fei Yuqing proceeds to engage in his own brand of celebratory dance:

FYQ (to the others): Hey, this wasn’t a fluke...! *does a cute silent giggle*

XZ, feeling pressured again: Na Jie...!!

Xiao Zhan shoots his last arrow and gets a 4. 

NY: Good. Good. Good, good. (to FYQ) We’re already at this stage, actually, so you can just use your usual state of mind.

While Fei Yuqing prepares to shoot his 2nd arrow, Na Ying starts to sing one of his old songs to distract him, and he ends up getting a 0.

FYQ: Aiya. (the others fall down laughing behind him) Who sang that? Who sang that?

ZHJ (to NY): It’s definitely you who distracted him!

FYQ: Who sang “Nan Ping Wan Zhong”? *turns back around and prepares to shoot* I can’t let my guard down...

NY: Come on, I’ll do another song. “Yi Jian Mei |One Trim of Plum Blossom”. *starts singing with Zhou Shen*

Fei Yuqing gets a 0 again. Everyone collapses in laughter, while Fei Yuqing laughs helplessly. Xiao Zhan bows to him. 

MC (to NY): The song you’re singing, are you sure it’s not “One Arrow’s Gone?” (T/N: Also “Yi Jian Mei”, but with a different intonation)

Fei Yuqing finally returns to the table, laughing:

FYQ (to NY): The more you sing, the further away from the centre I get! 

NY, apologetic and laughing at the same time: Elder brother...Elder brother, I’m sorry...! Elder brother, let me tell you, I’m part of those who are a little mean in variety shows.

FYQ, singing the tune of a famous song: You’ve wounded me~ (NY, singing together with him: And yet just laugh it off~!)

[imagineredwood]

Part 1   Part 2   Part 3   Part 4   Part 5    Part 6    Part 7    Part 8   Part 9       Part 10    Part 11  Part 12   Part 13   Part 14  Part 15  Part 16   Part 17  Part 18   Part 19 

Pairing: EZ Reyes x Camila (OC)

Warnings: None 

Word count: 2.5k

***There are two people in the tagglist that I cannot tag for the life of me. I know the names are right but they just won’t show for me to tag ��***

Translations: “Siempre bella.” – Always beautiful.  “Siempre mía.” – Always mine.

Camila huffed quietly to herself as she looked down at the books on the floor of the aisle, tossed down without a care by someone that couldn’t be bothered to put them back or at the very least, give it back to her so she could restock them. She leaned down and picked up the books, looking over them to make sure they weren’t damaged. The third one caught her eye, a sci-fi novel that seemed like something EZ would be into reading. She walked back to the front desk and placed the one by her purse, the others going into the bin to be stocked after closing. 

She had accepted Mr. Salvatore’s offer about becoming manager and was starting to settle into the role. Keeping the holds on books in order, re-ordering books as necessary, keeping up to date with securing the latest releases. Sometimes though she still found herself slipping back into her old role, simply wandering the aisles to make sure everything was orderly and neat. It was Friday and she had been in the role of manager all week. Though she was happy with the promotion, she couldn’t deny that the extra responsibility came with extra work though of a different kind, and she was looking forward to the weekend. Mr. Salvatore had agreed that she would be the acting manager and he would simply step in to cover for her on the weekends, allowing her to enjoy them. Running her hands over the front of her blouse, she gave a smile as two women walked in, going to the café area and placing their order.

She looked around trying to find something else that needed to be done, something else that needed to be cleaned and she came up empty, rapping her nails against the countertop. EZ had promised her that he would be taking her out for dinner tonight, no doubt to spend time with her after Marcus’ vow renewal had gone south. They hadn’t spent as much time together this week as they normally did, her busy with her new position and EZ busy with whatever he did with the club. Tonight, though they had made it a point to make sure that they spend time together, just the two of them and Camila was more than looking forward to it.

Camila looked up as the bell on the door rang. In walked Angel, all smiles as he made his way over to Camila behind the front desk. He opened his arms up wide, motioning to her as a grand gesture.

“Look at miss jefa, working at the desk.”

Camila shook her head with a laugh and walked around to the other side, wrapping her arms around Angel’s middle as he threw his around her shoulders. They embrace for a moment before letting go, the two leaning against the desk.

“So,”

Camila cocked her head to the side, wondering what he was referring to.

“So.”

With a shake of his head, Angel eyed her.

“How’re things with baby bro?”

His tone was questioning, wanting to know if things had worked out and if she was still upset. She gave a shrug.

“They’re fine.”

Angel tilted his head and looked at her with pursed lips, clearly not buying her response. She laughed and held her hands up.

“I’m serious. Everything’s cool. We talked, I got my feelings off of my chest and we’re good now. He knows it was rude and swore to never do it again. We’re good.”

Angel’s face relaxed and so did his shoulders, nodding in acceptance of her answer.

“I talked to him, told him what a dick he was that night.”

“He’s just a people pleaser.”

“Yeah well, sometimes he focuses on pleasing the wrong people.”

Camila didn’t have anything to say to that, knowing that Angel’s comment seemed to be true. He had known his brother far longer than she had and she knew that no matter how close she and EZ had gotten, Angel was likely speaking from experience that she couldn’t negate. Changing the subject, she reached over and tapped the back of her hand against his chest with a smile.

“What do you say about coming to the house this Sunday if you aren’t busy. Figured we could cook breakfast together.”

Angel nodded, eyes shining.

“You bringin’ pops over again?”

“Nope. Just you, me, and EZ.”

She saw him hesitate for a moment before smiling anyway.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to, I just thought maybe-“

“No, no. I’ll be there.”

They both grinned and Angel stood back up straight, slapping his hand on the tabletop once.

“Well, I’m gonna head out. I’ll see you Sunday, Chiquita.”

He reached forward with his right hand and grabbed the back of her head, pulling her toward him and kissing the top of her head. Camila smiled gently at the show of brotherly affection and nodded as he stepped away from her, walking backward to the door as she watched.

“Excuse me, miss?”

Turning back around, Camila smiled as she faced a customer, answering her questions about their new poetry selection.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

“You look beautiful.”

Camila looked down at herself. White tank top, blue jeans, and her Cortez. She looked back up at him with a smile and a laugh.

“I always look like this.”

EZ nodded, that charming grin on his lips as he looked at her.

“I know.”

He took three steps toward her, stopping as he ended up toe to toe. He reached and took her chin in his fingers, lifting her face slightly as his eyes raked over her every feature.

“Siempre bella.”

He accentuated the sentence with a kiss to her lips.

“Siempre mía.”

Camila blushed slightly under both his gaze and words, pushing her head down slightly so she could kiss the fingers that had held her chin. He sighed happily and pulled away, walking back toward her front door as she followed. She locked up the door behind her while EZ made his way out to the bike. He climbed on and began strapping on his helmet as she walked over to him. He gave a crooked smile.

“Let’s take the bike.”

Camila eyed him and the machine, apprehension visible on her face.

“What if I throw you off balance?”

“You won’t. You just gotta stay real close to me. Press yourself against my back, hold on tight, move with me.”

It was her turn to grin now, a small smirk playing at the corner of her lips.

“I mean, it sounds like a good time.”

EZ chuckled and gave his head a shake, holding another helmet out to her.

“Come on, it’ll be fun. I’ll go slow, take side roads.”

He could see her ready to agree, just a little hesitance left and he let his smile retreat a bit, his look more serious as he locked eyes with her.

“Would I ask you to do something if I thought you would get hurt?”

Camila shook her head then, a strand of hair falling into her face. Her eyes were soft and she stepped up to the bike, their eyes still on each other.

“No.”

EZ gave a nod.

“That’s right. Never.”

His words sold her, and she took the helmet from his hands, placing it onto her head and doing the strap. She climbed onto the bike behind him with ease, settling against him but not close enough. EZ reached back and wrapped his fingers around her knees, gently pulling her closer to him. Her chest was now against his back, her thighs on either side of his hips and he couldn’t hide his smile as her arms snaked themselves around his middle, her hands pressing against his tummy as she held him.

“You good?”

“I’m good.”

EZ started the Harley and soon enough they were pulling out of her driveway, the California sun warming their skin. EZ rode much slower than normal, feeling her tense arms around him slowly relax. He smiled to himself and kept riding, taking back roads and longer routes. He wanted to spend more time with her like this where it was just them, the feeling of her so close. At some point, she had relaxed entirely, her chin resting against his shoulder as she watched the buildings and traffic pass. Before long, EZ was pulling into the parking lot of the restaurant and they were hopping off the bike, Camila all smiles as she pulled off the helmet and handed it back over to EZ. His smile mirrored hers as he looked at her exhilarated face.

“Have fun?”

She nodded enthusiastically and he laughed, hanging both helmets on each handlebar before reaching over and smoothing down a couple of stray strands of her hair that were out of place. Her smile stayed as he reached down to grab onto her hand, both walking into the diner. They went to the back and sat down in a booth, EZ facing the door as he always did, wanting to always see what was happening around him. He had offered to take Camila out somewhere nice, somewhere fancy to make up for his neglect of her at El Padrino’s event, but she had declined, asking to go to her favorite diner instead. He’d relented eventually and now here they were, the diner that served the absolute best bacon burgers and French toast, in Camila’s opinion. A waitress came over to hand then menu’s Camila shaking her head with a smile as she sat forward on the booth, hands resting on the seat beside her in anticipation.

“Oh, I don’t need one, thank you. I already know what I want.”

The older woman smiled in return and faced toward EZ holding a menu for him as well.

“And you, do you need a minute?”

EZ shook his head politely.

“No ma’am, I’m ready.”

The waitress tucked the menus back into the rack to the side and pulled out her notepad and pen, ready to jot down their orders. EZ ordered for them both.

“She’ll get a bacon cheeseburger, no tomatoes with the seasoned fries,”

He glanced at Camila just in case he had gotten something wrong but she nodded, smiling at both him and the woman.

“And I’ll have uh, the same but with onion rings. Both with coke.”

The waitress finished writing down their order and then turned away from them, the two lovebirds now alone at the table. EZ clasped his hands together on top of the table as he looked at Camila.

“So, how’s work jefa?”

Camila giggled and shook her head.

“You and Angel keep calling me that like I own the place. I’m just the manager.”

At that EZ shook his head.

“You aren’t ‘just’ anything. You’re a hard worker that’s passionate about what you do, and people see that. Sal sees that. You’ve been a benefit to that bookstore and you’re only going to become more and more valuable once they see how good you are.”

Camila nodded at his words but looked down at the table, a lopsided grin tugging at her lips.

“It ain’t that serious, EZ.”

Reaching across the table, he took her hand in his and held it, eyes locked with hers as she looked up at him.

“It is that serious. You’re young and passionate and smart. That’s what a place like Sal’s needs to keep going and stay at the top. Think about how many people have worked there and passed through and Sal never made them manager, but he picked you didn’t he?”

Camila nodded and so did EZ.

“There’s a reason for that.”

Her eyes twinkled as he spoke to her, pride and love in his voice and she pulled her his hand up to her lips, kissing his knuckles.

“You’re my biggest fan.”

EZ nodded with a prideful smile.

“The biggest. Except for like, my dad. He’s probably your number one fan, actually.”

They both shared a laugh and Camila looked out the window of the diner back to EZ’s bike before returning her gaze to him.

“Well, I’m very thankful.”

EZ’s eyes twinkled as he looked at her, the waitress coming back with their food on a tray.

“So are we.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

“Ayyyy!”

Camila smiled as Gilly called out, arms raised in the air as she walked towards the bar in the clubhouse, EZ behind her and shutting the door. He placed his beer down on the bar top and stood from his stool, taking her into his arms as she came up to him. He hugged her tightly and lifted her off the ground, a cackle coming from her. EZ grinned as he came up, loving to see her having fun with the people that had become his family. There was a slight pang of worry that hit him then.

What would happen if the club ever found out the truth about why he had joined? What if they found out about his deal and not only was he kicked to the curb or worse, she would lose the family she had learned to love as well.

He swallowed around a suddenly dry throat and pushed a smile again, choosing not to let the moment be tainted by his worries. He watched as she made her way around the bar, giving hugs and kisses to Taza, Bishop, and Tranq as if they were tíos she had known all her life. They regarded her with a warmth that made his heart swell and he stood there, stuck in his own head. His life had changed so much in the last year, he could barely keep up sometimes. Everything had been a complete roller coaster for the last 8 years, more time low than high and now it seemed that his luck was finally turning around. He was blessed with freedom, with the ability to be back with his big brother and father, to get a second chance at life and now he was blessed with Cam. A woman that loved and nurtured him while not taking any of his shit either and he was beyond grateful for the way things had started to look up for him.

To the side, Angel watched him, a small smile coming to his lips as he looked at the one worn by his baby bro. He’d been through a lot in the last decade and while there were still feelings of resentment that Angel harbored for his brother from their childhood, they couldn’t be overpowered by the feeling he got seeing EZ happy. To see him happy made him happy and he looked away from EZ to find that Camila had said all her other hellos and had gotten to him, at last. Her smile beamed as she looked at him and he mirrored her, the corners of his eyes crinkling as he tugged her into his chest, one arm holding her in a gentle chokehold as her laugh rang out and bled into the sound of music, laughter and family. 

Tag list: @caramara3   @lostgirl219 @mrsjaxtellerfan   @actuallyazriel   @vannabanana1995   @unnecessarypineapplesstuff  @thegreat-annamaria @negansdirtygirl22 @svintsandghosts @piccasoe @tobesurroundedbysplendidthings @jadert15  @lovejn29

[fandomrewrites]

Season 1, Episode 4: Magic Bullet

Hi my lovely readers! I hope you all enjoy this chapter. Personally, it’s one of my favorites. As always constructive criticism is appreciated. Enjoy!

Season 1, Episode 4: Magic Bullet

Pairings: Scott McCall x Twin Sister, Lydia Martin x Best Friend, Nate Wilson (OC) x Reader

Warnings: Gunshot wound, usual Teen Wolf things

Word Count: 2,972

Season 1 Masterlist

I quickly got up at the sound of my alarm, startled by how loud it was. I reached over shutting it off and relaxing back into my pillows in order to control my racing heartbeat. After a few minutes, I stood up and started pulling clothes out of my closet to get ready for school. I grabbed black mom jeans, a yellow tank top, a sheer black sort sleeve top, and black vans.

As I was walking downstairs I got a text from Lydia saying she couldn’t pick me up this morning because she would be running late. As soon as Scott walked down the stairs I spoke up, “Is Stiles picking you up today?”

“Yeah, why?”

“I need a ride. Lydia can’t make it today.” He nodded and not too long after we headed out the door towards Stiles’ jeep.

As soon as we got in the car Scott told us that Derek isn’t the alpha meaning that there is another, more dangerous werewolf in Beacon Hills and we have no clue who it is.

When that was established Stiles broke the silence by asking, “Did the Alpha kill the bus driver?”

“I don’t know,” Scott sighed.

Stiles pauses and thinks for a moment then asks another questions, “Does Allison’s dad know about the Alpha?”

“Stiles, how is Scott supposed to know?” I rolled my eyes. We just made it to the school and we all got out of the car. I separated from the boys heading to my locker, letting my mind wander to the unknown Alpha.

*_*_*_*_*_*

After class, I was in the hallway with Lydia and Allison talking about Scott going to study at Allison’s tonight. “Just studying never ends with just studying,” I say as I lean against the lockers.

Lydia then continues, “It’s like getting into a hot tub. Somebody eventually cops a feels.” I snorted.

“So what are you two saying?”

“We’re saying make sure he covers up.” Lydia gives Allison a glance.

When Allison looks confused I continue, “Ya know? Wrap it before you tap it? Don’t be sill, protect your willie? I can go on.”

Lydia has a smirk on her face as Allison says, “No thanks. And seriously, after one date?”

“Well don’t be a total prude. You have to give him a little taste.” Lydia says.

“How much is a little taste?”

“Oh, God. You really like him, don’t you?”

“Well, there’s something different about him.” You have no idea. “When I first got here I had this plan: no boyfriends until college. I move too often. But when I met him, he was different. I can’t explain it.”

“Well, he really likes you too. I’m his twin, I should know.” I winked at her.

Lydia starts talking before Allison could reply, “I’ll tell you what to do. When’s he coming over?”

“Right after school.”

As if on cue, the bell rings and our classmates start pouring out of their last classes. “Sorry ladies, I gotta go. Have fun Allison, but don’t get pregnant, I’m too you to be an aunt.” I wiggle my eyebrows then head out the door.

As I walk out the building a hand grabs my arm, I look over and follow the hand up to a very sick looking Derek. “What are you doing here? You look like shit!”

Derek glares, “Where’s your brother?”

“I don’t know,” I look up, glancing around and spot Stiles in his jeep puling out of his spot. I drag Derek over making Stiles slam on his breaks in shock, quickly getting out of his car. That’s when Scott notices the commotion and makes his way over. 

Before Stiles or Scott can say anything Derek gasps out, “I was shot.”

I’m practically holding Derek up at this point and I am struggling under his weight. Scott grabs his other arm helping me carry Derek. “Why aren’t you healing?” He asks.

“I can’t. It was a different kind of bullet.”

Scott then releases a breath, “Wait a second. That’s why she meant when she said 48 hours.”

Derek’s eyes then started glowing blue and he sucks in a breath, clearly in a lot of pain. “What are you doing? Stop that.” Scott says when he sees what is happening.

I reach over and whack the back of Scott’s head, “What is wrong with you? He wouldn’t be doing that if he could control it. Derek’s not an idiot!”

Students start blaring their horns as some step out of their cars, annoyed by the hold-up. “We have to get him in the car.” I breathe out, still struggling under his weight.

“Him? My jeep? No way.”

I quickly give Stiles a death stare as he reluctantly agrees. As soon as he is in the passenger seat Stiles gets in the driver’s side. I look at Derek and awkwardly apologize as I go to climb over him so I can get in the back seat.

Before we can take off Derek stops Scott, “I need you to find the same kind of bullet. I have to know what they used.”

“How am I supposed to do that?”

“She’s an Argent. She’s with them...”

“Why should I help you?”

“Scott!” I scold as I stick my head in between the two front seats and glare at my brother.

“Because you need me,” Derek says.

“Fine. I’ll try. Now get him out of here.”

*_*_*_*_*_*

Sitting in the car with Stiles and Derek I quickly text Scott, Did you find it yet? I keep glancing at Derek. He looks like he’s getting worse and it’s making me nervous. My phone beeps alerting me of a text, “Scott says he needs more time.”

Stiles sighs then looks over to Derek who is clutching his arm in pain, “Try not to bleed out on my seats. We’re almost there.”

“Almost where?” Derek questions as I knit my eyebrows together.

“Your house.” Stiles deadpans.

“No. You can’t take me there.”

“I can’t take you to your house?”

“Not when I can’t protect myself.”

“You know, that actually makes sense.” I nod my head thoughtfully as Stiles glares at me in the rear view mirror. He quickly hits the brakes and looks at Derek, “What happens if Scott doesn’t find your magic bullet? Are you dying?”

“Not yet. I have a last resort.” Derek then pulls up his sleeve revealing the gunshot wound. It has stopped bleeding but the veins surrounding it are dark making the wound look disgusting. I scrunch my face up and look away from the wound.

“What is that?” Stiles asks, also looking disgusted, “Is that contagious? Maybe you should just get out.” I reach over to punch Stiles in the arm and he quickly backs away from me throwing a glare over his shoulder.

Derek then weakly spoke up, “Start the car. Now.”

“I don’t think you should be giving orders the way you look. In fact, I think if I wanted to, I could probably drag your werewolf ass out to the middle of the road and leave you for dead.”

My mouth hung open at Stiles’ words. I get that Derek isn’t the nicest person to deal with but he could be a lot worse considering my brother, Stiles, and I got him arrested. Plus he has told Scott more about being a werewolf then Stiles and I ever could.

I went to punch Stiles again but before I could Derek spoke up, “Start the car or I’m going to rip your throat out with my teeth.”

“Ha.” Derek quickly glanced at me but then focused back on Stiles staring at him until he started the car.

*_*_*_*_*_*

As we start moving again I lean back in the seat and text Scott for a second time, Derek is not looking good. When he doesn’t answer after 10 minutes I text again, call me. After another few minutes, Scott finally calls me. “Finally! What are we supposed to do with him?”

“Take him somewhere. Anywhere.”

“Oh of course. Just let me bring him home. He can hide in my closet.” I roll my eyes waiting for Scott to answer. Stiles rips the phone from my grasp as I open my mouth to protest. Only for him to hold his hand up as he talks to Scott, “He’s starting to smell.”

I can just make out Scott’s voice through the phone, “Like what?”

“Like death.” Stiles scrunches his face up as he looks at Derek’s wound. Derek then glares at Stiles and I give him my best bitch face.

“Okay. Take him to the animal clinic.”

“What about your boss?”

“He’s gone by now. (Y/N) knows where the spare key is.”

Stiles turns to Derek, “You’re not going to believe where he’s telling me to take you.”

Without answering Derek yanks the phone out of Stiles’ hand, “Did you find it?”

The phone is now farther away from me so I can’t hear what Scott says but soon Derek continues, “You don’t find it, I’m dead,” there was a quick pause. “Then think about this, the Alpha called you out against your will. He’s going to do it again. And next time you either kill him or you get killed. You need me. Find the bullet.”

Derek hangs up and hands the phone back to me. Stiles then takes a breath as he starts the jeep back up and heads to the animal clinic.

*_*_*_*_*_*

Stiles parks outside of the animal clinic and I quickly find the hidden key to unlock the door. Once we are inside the examining room I got a text from Scott. I look up at Derek, “Does northern blue monkshood mean anything to you?”

When the words leave my mouth Derek opens his eyes and sighs, “It’s a rare form of Wolfsbane. He has to bring me the bullet.”

I quickly text Scott telling him as Stiles asks, “Why?”

Derek replies rather bluntly, “Because, without it, I’m dead.”

After I heard those words and saw how bad Derek was looking I quickly sent out another text, need you here now.

I looked up from my phone, pacing back and forth waiting for Scott to either show up or text me back. Derek slowly pulled his shirt off and despite his gross wound I couldn’t help looking at his abs.

He was definitely fit and I was trying really hard to focus on anything but his defined stomach. So instead I swallowed and looked at his wound to check just how bad it had gotten.

The veins branch out from open sores while the rest of his arm has turned yellow. The minute Stiles saw the wound words tumbled out of his mouth, “Well, that doesn’t look like anything some Echinacea and a good night’s sleep couldn’t take care of.”

I rolled my eyes as Derek replied, his voice strained, “When the infection reaches my heart, it’ll kill me.”

“Positivity just isn’t in your vocabulary, is it?”

“Please Stiles, I wouldn’t be positive either if I was on my deathbed.”

Derek gave me a glare as I mumbled out a quick apology. He then pushed himself off from leaning against the container and started speaking. “If he doesn’t get here with the bullet in time, last resort.”

“Which is?” Stiles asks as I throw the blue-eyed werewolf a questioning look.

Derek is digging through drawers as he speaks then finally stops at one and pulls out an electric bone saw. “You’re going to cut off my arm.”

*_*_*_*_*_*

Stiles and I stand shocked as Derek walks over to the examination table and puts the saw down. Derek then begins tying a tourniquet around his infected arm as Stiles asks, “What if you bleed to death?”

I keep glancing between the two guys standing in front of me, trying not to panic. “It’ll heal. If it works.” Derek instantly replies, still trying to tie the tourniquet.

I slowly make my way over to him and help him tie it as he looks up at me shocked that I was helping. Stiles then starts talking again, I don’t know if I can do this.”

As I finish the tourniquet Derek speaks up, “Why not?”

“Because of the cutting through flesh, the sawing of the bone, and especially the blood.”

I bite my lip in thought as Derek questions Stiles, “You faint at the sight of blood?”

“No. But I might at the sight of a chopped off arm.”

Derek threateningly steps closer to Stiles, “How about this: either you cut off my arm or I rip off your head.”

I look between the two guys praying that Scott arrives soon. “I’m not buying your threats anymore.”

I gulp as Derek grabs Stiles’ collar before I can say anything Stiles speaks up, clearly nervous, “Okay, bought, sold, I’ll do it, I’ll do it.”

Derek then releases him as he starts to gasping, choking and coughing. I rush over to him to help him stand up straight but before I can grab his arm he hunches over and starts throwing up ink black liquid.

“Holy God, what the hell is that?” Stiles gasped out back away. 

“My body... trying... to heal.” Derek is still hunched over and trying to breathe as he speaks. I put my hand on his back and slowly start rubbing between his shoulder blades. He looks up, “We have to do this now.”

I help him stand up properly to the best of my ability and bring him towards the table in the center of the room. Stiles mumbles an “Oh God” as he grabs the saw and I hold onto Derek’s injured arm.

I cringe as Stiles turns the blade on, I see him close his eyes as he slowly brings the saw down towards Derek’s arm. Before it reaches Scott bursts through the door, “What the hell are you doing?”

Stiles and I sigh in relief as he answers for both of us. “You just prevented a lifetime of nightmares.” I nod in agreement still standing beside Derek.

“Did you get it?” Derek looks around me. I move slightly to the side as Scott hands the bullet to Derek.

“What are you going to do with it?” I question.

Derek starts to answer but before a complete sentence leaves his mouth he collapses to the floor, the bullet dropping and rolling away.

“Shit,” I crouch on the floor beside Derek shaking his shoulder and trying to get him to wake up. Stiles goes to his other side and tries to help me while Scott goes after the bullet.

“He’s not waking up!” Stiles panics as I quietly whisper, “C’mon Derek. Don’t die on us.”

When Scott calls out that he has the bullet Stiles takes a breath, “Please don’t kill me for this.” He then pulls his arm back and punches Derek in the face with as much force as possible. 

Derek’s eyes flutter open as Stiles staggers backward away from me and the werewolf. Stiles is cradling his hand in pain when Derek speaks up, “Give it to me.”

Scott once again gives Derek the bullet as I help him to his feet. He then stands at the table and cracks the tip open and pulls out a lighter from his pocket. He holds the flame to the contents inside and sparks fly up as bits of wolfsbane light aflame.

He then puts the smoldering ashes into his hand and grinds it into his gunshot wound, wincing as he does. Derek drops back to his knees, I grab his arm to slow his fall. With one hand on his arm and the other on his back, Derek opens his mouth revealing his sharpened fangs.

I suck in a breath but refuse to back away until I know he’s alright. “(Y/N),” I hear Scott warn but I stay still.

Dogs in the kennel are barking like crazy and rattling the cages. Before I can ask Derek if he is okay, he tilts his head back one more time and lets out an ear-piercing howl of agony.

I wince and tilt my head away. As soon as the howl begins, it ends and Derek falls against me, too tired to sit up on his own. The open sores close within seconds, returning to normal. It’s deathly quiet for three seconds, then Stiles pipes up, “That. Was. Awesome.”

Slowly Derek’s eyes blink open, he leans away from me and pushes himself off the floor. I slowly stand up after him keeping my hands out just in case he falls again.

“Are you okay?” I wearily ask.

Derek glances at me then looks towards the boys, “Except for the agonizing pain.”

“I’m guessing the ability to use sarcasm is a sign of good health.” Stiles states.

I slowly allow my hands to drop to my sides as Derek pulls his shirt back on. He seems to be ignoring my concerned gaze.

Scott speaks up, “We saved your life. That means you’re going to leave us alone. And if you don’t I go back to Allison’s dad and tell him everything-”.

Before he can continue Derek cuts him off, “You’re going to trust them? You think they can help you?”

“Why not? They’re a lot freaking nicer than you are.”

“I can show you exactly how nice they are.”

Scott shares a questioning look between Stiles and myself, I shrug in response. “What do you mean?” Scott finally asks.

Derek and Scott leave as Stiles sighs and brings me home.

I think about waiting up for Scott but decide against it, he’ll tell me what Derek showed him tomorrow. And with that thought, I head to bed for the night.

[vampire-in-a-trench-coat]

Fanfiction Q&A

In reply to @bloodycastielblasckwings66

A Drop in the Ocean (AO3)

Q: Is the baby really a girl?

Yes, it is! An adorable, lucky little girl who'll have the two most protective, loving fathers in the world. 💕

Q: Are you going to name the baby soon?

Dean and Cas will start talking about baby names soon, but it'll take them a while to actually choose one. I, however, already have a name picked out; I'm just not 100% set on it yet. I might change it, if I find one I like better.

I can tell you one thing for certain, though: the baby will not be named Mary, or Grace.

Q: Are we done with season 10 and are now on season 11 in A Drop in the Ocean?

Nope! Season 10 officially ends on chapter 32, and then on 33, we'll be in season 11. Just a heads up, though: I'll be mixing 11, 12 and 13 a lot from that point on, with some details from 14 and 15 sprinkled around later down the road, so we won't be following the show's timeline as closely as we've been following with season 10. I'm changing things up a bit, and adding a few storylines of my own 😉

Q: Is Rowena going to use the attack spell again in season 12?

You mean the attack dog spell? And in season 11, right?

Rowena will use the attack dog spell on Cas in the beginning of season 11 (meaning, in chapter 33), so he'll have to deal with that for a few chapters, on top of... well, something else that I don't want to talk about here, because of spoilers. All I can say is that it's something that didn't happen in canon. 😉

Q: Is Dagon going to be in A Drop in the Ocean?

Yes, she will. And so will Kelly Kline. 😉

Q: Can you make some fanart of Juliet, and of what Dean saw in chapter 29?

Well, I've never actually made fanart before... I can draw, by the way, and I like to think I'm fairly good at it, especially when it comes to drawing animals (I absolutely love drawing dragons), and I have been toying with the ideia of trying to draw something for Game of Survival for a while (Dean's and Cas' wolves, I mean), so maybe I could try my luck with Juliet, too... I don't know haha, I'll think about it!

But hey! How about an absolutely gorgeous Juliet fanart that the lovely @undoubtedly-gay drew for me a while ago? You can check that out right here! 💕

Game of Survival (AO3)

Q: Is Sam ever going to try to find Dean in Game of Survival?

Yes, he will! That's actually gonna be a really big thing further down the road, and I'm so, so excited for that part of the story! I've even written a few drafts for it that I probably won't even use, just because I can't wait to actually get to that part.

It's still gonna take a while until we finally get there, though, because there are some things that need to happen with both Dean and Sam separately, and I want each of them to be in a very specific place mentally when they finally meet again, but it will happen! At some point, Sam will find out that Dean's alive, and he will go looking for him.

And when they meet again... well, it won't be all roses and rainbows. I can tell you that for certain. 😉

Others

Q: Can you write a fallen angel Dean fanfic (Destiel Mpreg AU) or a Dean/Lucifer where he's named Seraphiel or Jensen or something?

I actually remember reading a fic about Dean being Lucifer at some point, or maybe just a fallen angel; I can't remember. That was like, 4 years ago, maybe? I just know that I was super into that idea at the time. I'm not sure if I'd write a story about it, though... I just have way too many stories already. 🙈

Seriously, this is what I'm working on right now, apart from the four WIPs that I have posted on AO3 and Coming Home (which will be posted soon):

I'm currently toying with an angel!Dean fic where Jack decided to turn Dean into an angel after he died in 15x20, but I'm not sure if it's going anywhere. I've always been fascinated with the idea of Dean becoming an angel, and I feel like 15x20 kinda provided me with the perfect opportunity for it.

I'm also playing around with a fic where Dean becomes Death, because I just love that idea, but I don't know if that'll go anywhere, either.

I'm considering writing a one shot or short fic to try and fix 15x20, but keeping the premise of Dean dying and everything, just... trying to salvage that episode, I guess? With Dean meeting Cas in heaven and Sam not marrying some faceless, blurry extra or wearing a cheap party wig because, ya know, nobody wants to see that again. Maybe with Dean meeting some people in Heaven? I'm not sure if I'll actually write that one, but I'm thinking about it.

Or maybe I'll write one where Dean doesn't die because of course if Cas was already alive by that point, he would not simply let Dean die a slow, painful death in a random barn in the middle of nowhere during a ridiculous vamp hunt. Maybe I'll write both? I really don't know.

And finally, I also have a modern day, human!Destiel AU that I've been working on for over two years now that I'm hoping to post someday, so... yeah, I have way too many of WIPs right now. 🤣

I hope I answered everything! 💕

~ Vamps ♥️

[mrf34r]

every time micros.oft asks me to link my accounts together or change the way i access my account, i feel the deus group’s hot moist breath against the back of my neck

[tslasvegas]

Episode 3: “UGH just rename Luxor to Loser” - Xavier

Well... that takes care of the Timmy problem... Love Timmy... Just didn’t know how our dynamic would be cus he was runner-up to the last survivor game I played which I won. Hm... Well...

That went well. There's nothing like a live video tribal to get people together. and stephen didn't react too badly. but i know now he won't work with me moving forward

I’m sorry I’m terrible at confessionals... So things are going well, I think we have a decent tribe but it is too soon to tell. I’m not a huge fan of creative challenges, at least from my previous game, I guess we will see how that goes. Most of the guys seem nice, still trying to feel everyone out.`

A 4-2 vote off is interesting. Someone is on the bottom for sure. Also, this next challenge is a creative challenge and when I do these solo I usually do really well. Hopefully I can channel that energy into a win for us here because two tribes are going to tribal. We’ll be down to 17 after this, so I’m not sure if we’d go into a tribe swap yet? Maybe 2 tribes of 8 with one person sitting out? 

Oh hot dang, two tribes are going to tribal next time. Probably going to be us :( now it is time to make alliance chats!

....five seconds later

I suspect that after this double vote out that there will be a tribe swap. I hope I end up with Mo and Jaiden at least.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/17NPxKO_TKgqjNqsaWlbmlL0jgU36Aygi/view?usp=drivesdk

I really like this challenge. I feel confident about it but at the same time nervous that 2 tribes will be going to tribal. I really hope my tribe wins this one since I still don't know how the tribe feels about me. Wish me luck guys!

My tribe is not going to win this immunity challenge. Our nightclub is due just hours away and we have little nothing done. I am going to have to scramble soon.....I did nothing to help my tribe with the challenge, so if it is me that goes, I would understand 

....five seconds later

Honestly, I want to keep Jaiden and Mo around because I feel closer with them than anyone else. I want to keep Kailyn around because she seems to make time for challenges. Everyone else I am okay with going home, Ben hasn't really done anything soooooo maybe him? Oof

If we lose, then it's 2/3rds my fault and 1/3 Stephen. We better not be on the chopping block if we do lose. This is a two person Tribe as of now. Bobby Jon and Stephenie.

...five seconds later

UGH just rename Luxor to Loser

Second we lose Ben finally responded to my pm’s..... hm..... alright....

Y’all rlly won with a PowerPoint SKDJDJSKLALALL

Some of these guys have an excuse for not giving input into the challenge. Some do not. If I go home because some americans could be bothered doing some base level discussion, ill be annoyed. If I go home because a tribe threw a challenge because they thought id be an easy vote, ill be pissed.

All that hard work that went into this challenge really paid off! We scored the best and don’t have to attend tribal!! Which is absolutely exciting! Andrew told me he wanted to work together which is rad. Livingston and I want to work together which is radder. And Joey and i want to work together which is raddest. I haven’t spoken too much with Jeff lately even though we talked quite a bit early on. Pat and I speak occasionally. Stephanie and I didn’t really speak at all until recently but we’ve gotten into a good groove the last few days. I’m feeling pretty good about this game so far. I hope there’s no tribal swap or anything right away.

So when I get my chip total I'm gonna update Keegan. He is currently at a soap making class but I want him to know I am serious about working with him in this game and I think this is a good gesture. - keegan has let me know he has 4 chips and is willing to pool them over to me when we have enough so that we can unlock the store. I let him know I am okay with doing the same thing to him, whichever. But yes this is looking HOT for me. - "what's in the store?" | all i can really assume is advantages. we need 10 chips to unlock it. This is very similar to the Unnamed Season but the betting cap gives us more control. At this point, I don't think anyone can mathematically unlock without pooling chips. Keegan and I just need 1 more chip between us. Let's just hope we aren't separated by a swap or some shit. I am hoping for a bit more time on this amazing tribe to get that set up so I have a good idea of what the store holds.

Some of these guys have an excuse for not giving input into the challenge. Some do not. If I go home because some americans could be bothered doing some base level discussion, ill be annoyed. If I go home because a tribe threw a challenge because they thought id be an easy vote, ill be pissed.

We lost again!?!?!?!?!??! I am so surprised? Nah I'm kidding, but I don't care. I don't blame our team for losing because 3/5 of us were panicking because our president could be a cheetoh. I'm voting Stephen tonight, I hope the others follow suit. It SHOULD be simple, but 9 hours is a long time for Survivor; and if he knows it's him then might run around and create some chaos - which would be funny.

Rachael (love her she’s probably who I’m closest with along with DeNara and Kailyn) is not being subtle about the fact that she either has a pre-existing friendship with Ben or is currently aligned with Ben. Because Ben, from my knowledge has not been social with anyone, nor has he been super active and in our alliance chat with Kailyn, Rachael seems uncomfortable with the fact that Ben is said to be the vote and is saying she would prefer someone else to go. But like c’mon you can’t deny he hasn’t been social, and even if I had a friendship with somebody before a game, if they aren’t active I’m voting them out. Also I lied to my tribe a couple times this round because I’m lazy.

UGH. We LOST the challenge!!! And it wasn't even close *grumbles angrily* But it's okay. I'm gonna have to work my pussy out to this entire tribe to make them keep me around! I feel pretty good about this, I believe the target is leaning towards Ben but we'll have to wait and see. I don't think it's possible rn but I'm hoping for a swap soon so I can feel a little more re-energized in this game because my tribe has been super quiet lately... I think people will try to move the vote around so I'm going to use my current lack of employment as an opportunity to make myself stay alive on this tribe lmao

These guys are being super boring and either Jake is dumber than i thought, or shadier than i gave him credit for. Xavier might be trying to play me but regardless its doubtful ill stay. John seems to have the most chance of winning out of these four as hes not overplaying. Kevin hasnt spoken to me since the colin vote and it pisses me off that I might be going home after being one of two people that worked on the challenge when kevin was taken off the chopping block immediately for playing jeopardy. i hate this tribe.

....five seconds later

Johns out, Jake too by the sound of it. Time for plan B, which never works but might as well try. Fake idol time.

Oof well the uhh, “obvious friend group” has picked their target and it just so happens to be the only person I’ve made an actual alliance with :/ Poor DeNara. I really didn’t want to have to vote her off this early if I didn’t have to and then the worst part is she didn’t even hear it from me. Nobody is even mentioning game right now and Rachael is acting legitimately surprised to me when I came to her saying “okay this is an easier vote than I thought”.. even tho Ben claimed he had already talked to her..?? Idk man I must’ve done something wrong along the way but these people LEGITIMATELY don’t talk to me. My instant reaction is leaning towards being bitter but bitterness doesn’t really get me anywhere :/ I feel kinda.. out of it rn emotionally just because of everything else I have going on so if I seem more reserved tonight at tribal than usual, that’s why. I just hope that I’m not still stuck on that damn mountain rolling my dumbass rock back up only to get knocked back down again. I’m remaining optimistic for the future.. let’s keep winning some challenges mmkay

Okay good news, I shouldn't be leaving. But that being said DeNara, you have goT TO PULL. YOURSELF. TOGETHER. She's packing her bags and from my knowledge she's going to be fine tonight. Hopefully it'll be Ben who's going but DeNara giving up like this isn't helPING. 

....five seconds later

Also I am in two alliances which is cool I guess.

Oops....... and now I'm controlling this vote I think :) It feels good. I don't know what my plan is !! I'm lying to everyone. I basically put myself in a position to be the 4th person in both votes and I love it so much. I keep telling ppl I'm an emotional mess and I think I'll milk that because SOMEONE is going to get betrayed tonight... love that for me. Rachael, Nik, and Ben want to vote out DeNara Mo, Kailyn, and DeNara want to vote out Ben And tbh I would prefer Rachael or Nik!! Since neither of those things are happening I guess it's up to me to decide which way I wanna swing... I hate/love myself for this. I think there are good cases for both people to leave, because I think that getting rid of DeNara strengthens bonds I never had with Rachael and co. while getting rid of Ben just makes me their enemy. Honestly I am starting to lean towards getting rid of DeNara for that sole purpose alone. It'll be messy for sure. Ben provides NOTHING to the game right now and I hate the fact that he announced in his intro that he's just here to backstab people... but villains don't win unless they're sitting next to another villain. He's the goat to me and Rachael right now, but pretty homos like me always win xx I might regret this decision down the road but HOPEFULLY whichever side I take will pay me back in protection down the line. I think I have the charm to smooth shit over w Kailyn and Mo but its up for determination. I think that I have the finesse to beat Rachael in a vote, too, but I don't want to put her back up against the wall just yet..... ;) Anyways... I hope this isn't my last confessional. I wasn't having fun until I found my place. Let's get it on.

It is me or Ben tonight. Guess we will find out who...

[storytime-hoe]

Tough Love Ch.13

Pairing: Daryl Dixon x O/C

Summary: Story picks up during season three as the group goes into Woodbury to rescue Glenn and Maggie from the Governor. However, they pick up another prisoner of Woodbury, Emma (O/C). She is a thief who fears friendships after her hard losses. She stays on the move, studying communities from afar and then robbing them blind. She has stayed alive this way for a while until the Governor catches her in the act. Now she finds herself with the group from the prison in a mission to kill the Governor for what he has done to her. She plans on stealing supplies from the prison group after the Governor is killed, but she might be growing a little too close to the groups members, especially one man in particular: Daryl Dixon.

Warnings: Slow burn, language, usual twd violence, mentions of abuse/rape

Authors Note: Woah. I did not expect to be away for this long but if you do care about my excuse this time it was that I was going through some shit. I moved to college extremely far from home and it was a lot for me to take in. It’s a new environment and I don’t have any friends as of right now so I was in a dark state of mind. I still am struggling, but I am trying to force myself to get into routine again and to be a normal human being who knows how to smile and act like an adult. It’s rough.

Anyway, I am so sorry to leave that last chapter off on a cliffhanger like that. I am going to have the next few chapters up within the week (probably three days apart from one another) so do not worry about me disappearing again. But I live in a different time zone so it’ll be a little different from when I usually post, just a heads up.

That all being said, this chapter is a hot mess per usual, and I am sorry if some of it is contradictory or a confusing. I wrote it very rushed and I am not proud of that but please stay with me it’ll all get good soon. 

Previously: Ch.1       Ch.2       Ch.3       Ch.4     Ch.5      Ch.6     Ch.7       Ch.8       Ch.9       Ch.10          Ch.11        Ch.12

Tears had started to rim the edges of my eyes. The dead were clawing at the balcony's supports, but I couldn't do anything about it, despite Sasha and Glenn screaming at me to get inside the building and off of the collapsing platform. Their words were muffled out by the screams of the dead. 

I stared out in front of me like a statue, my world crashing down around me much like the first half of the balcony went crashing down.

My feet flew out from under me from the collision, but I was able to grasp the windowsill and clutch onto the building before the rest of the balcony went down on top on the Walkers. My chest heaved with the grief that was swirling around inside of me. With my mind a jumbled mess and motivation to live now out the door, my arms were quick to start aching as I held on to the window. They wouldn't be able to hold my dangling body forever and it didn't look like there was any other option except down into the filthy hands that would tear me limb from limb.

I wanted to open up the window, but it only opened from inside so I would have to shatter it, which is a lot harder than they make it look in the movies. A window is one tough bitch. No amount of pounding on it with the butt of my gun was breaking it; it didn't even leave a scratch.

With every swing I took at the window I felt my hopes dwindling away. I gasped out a desperate cry and the tears came flowing. This was the end. I not only made it my end, but Daryl's too, and possibly Sasha's and Glenn's if they couldn't get out of this mess.

A dark sadness washed over me. My arms were giving out. I felt my fingers sliding down the windowsill, the hungry cries of the Walkers getting louder, lulling me to them like sirens of the sea. It wouldn't be the peaceful death that I dreamed for at night. I didn't earn a peaceful death. I deserved to be ripped apart, just like Daryl had been, just like my brother had been.

I squeezed my eyes shut and took a deep breath, readying myself to let go of the window and have the fate that everyone I loved always ended with. This was it. My time had come. After all the shit I went through; after surviving months at Woodbury. This was how I went down. I really was pathetic.

Before my fingers could slip from the ledge, a hand shot out from the window and grabbed my wrist so tightly that I yelped at the pain. When the collar of my shirt started to be pulled on, my first instinct was to fight whoever this was. My eyes shot open, and I writhed in the grasp of whoever had me. I figured it couldn't be anyone good, considering I thought my group mates were either dead or no where near me to be of any help, but I froze when I was yanked up high enough to lock eyes with a pair of squinted blue ones.

"C'mon! Le's go!" Daryl gravelly yelled at me, trying to shake me from my shocked state, his glare on me was the same one that he’d given me ever since our last argument. "Stop fuckin' aroun'," he growled at me while clutching at my form still half dangling out the window.

In any other circumstance I would have rolled my eyes. Stop fucking around? Really? Like I wanted to be in this situation for the shits and giggles? However, I refrained from saying anything, I was honestly too relieved to see him alive to form sentences. My brain was turning to putty at the sight of him and all human functions were shutting down in me.

Daryl yanked me the rest of the way inside the building with much effort, considering I wasn't being much help. I looked like an idiot gawking at him from the floor as he wrapped his arms around me to lift me to my feet. I held onto his arms like a lifeline, trying desperately to swallow down all the emotions that were itching to burst out of me.

I couldn't fucking believe he was back. He was here, in front of me, breathing and alive. I was so undoubtedly joyful to see him here again that I wanted to hug onto him and never let go, despite how mean and pushy he had been towards me the past few days. 

I ran my hands up his arms to his shoulders and eventually down his chest, trying to convince myself that he was actually here and not some sick dream or hallucination.

"Emma," he started, trying to get my attention, but my eyes darted wildly to every part of him. "Em," he said more urgently, grabbing my hands in his with a rough shake and forcing me to look into his eyes again. He was still a little cold towards me, but his eyes held a much softer look now as he spoke. "I'm 'ere, it's me. Okay? We gotta get outta 'ere."

I stared at him with watery eyes. He was right. I needed to get my shit together before I did get us killed, but my mind was just so cloudy that I couldn't think straight if I tried.

Daryl obviously didn't have time for me to snap back to reality as he gripped my wrist in his coarse hand  and pulled me down a flight of stairs and out the back door.

I wasn't the type of person to freeze up in situations, but right now I was acting like a fucking child. My mind was in a haze; panic about Sasha and Glenn and Daryl and me hit me like a brick wall and it was all too much. I couldn't think to help Daryl figure out how the hell we were going to get out of this. I couldn't force myself to be the strong leader that I always tried being. It was like I was turning into a complete fucking different person all because I was spooked by Daryl's short disappearance.

Damn, did I have it bad for him or what?

"Get on." Daryl tugged on my arm roughly and pushed me to get on his motorcycle that he had hidden under some brush. Once I was seated on the bike he took my hands and placed them on the handlebars. "Listen," he commanded, making my eyes shoot to his at the urgency in his voice. If I couldn’t form my own thoughts right now then I would gladly do whatever he wanted me to do. "Ya gotta lead half of 'em that a'way. I gotta get Sasha and Glenn out, can't take em all at once."

My eyes widened as his words registered in my head. He expected me to ride this thing by myself? And with a hoard of Walkers on my tail at that?

 "I don't know how to fucking ride this thing," I shouted at him, feeling a part of my usual stubborn self returning.

He rolled his eyes and started it up for me. "Of course you fucking don't," he grumbled to himself. "This is the break. This makes it go."

I furrowed my brow at his condescending tone.

"Em, you'll be fine. It's like riding a bicycle with less work. I'll meet ya at the main road where we left the car. Loose 'em 'fore then."

Before I could even argue that there was no way in hell this was going to be as easy as riding a bicycle, he was running off in the opposite direction, leaving me alone with a herd charging at me.

How did he have so much confidence that I could succeed in this? He saw how I was right now, I could barely make my own two feet work let alone drive a fucking vehicle. Maybe he just didn’t care if I got overwhelmed by the Walkers, because either way it would be the distraction he needed.  

My grip tightened on the handles and I gulped as the Walkers were nearing me. I was going to do this because everyone was depending on me. And I was going to live out of spite, because Daryl fucking Dixon was not getting rid of me that easily.

Sure, Daryl might be trying to hate my guts after our last screaming match at the prison, but we both knew he can’t stay that way forever. Most of the time, Daryl and I can't fucking stand each other, even before the night that he declared he was going to stop giving a shit about me, but we are attracted like magnets and there was nothing we could do to fix that. I would always come back to him, no matter how shitty he might make me feel after an argument. And I had a feeling it was the same for him.

Ever since I met him we were arguing and fighting against the intimate tension we have around each other. I think that might be why we are always disagreeing, because we just don't want to be on the same page. It scared me, that was for sure, knowing that there was someone that I was so compatible with. I have been pushing all the feelings that I had away and was in such denial that there was any kind of spark between us. But after thinking that I had lost Daryl forever? There could be no denying it anymore. I was falling hard for the stupid redneck. And I was done denying that, whether he was or not. 

I had been driving the motorcycle shakily for a while as I thought out everything. My hands were so sweaty on the bars that I would have to wipe them on my jeans every now and again. My heart rate was sky high the entire time I was on the damn bike, my legs shaking. I couldn't wait to get off of the fucking thing, so I lead my half of the herd away rather quickly and ditched them in no time.

Coming down the road in a zigzag because I could barely driving the fucking motorcycle, I caught sight of Daryl sitting on the side of the road with Glenn and Sash by his side. I praised whatever God would hear me. This nightmare was coming to an end and we could go back to the prison all in one piece.

Daryl stood up as I shakily drove the motorcycle up to him and hopped off of it. I more like fell off the bike, but Daryl's hands were there supporting me in a second. Seeing him alive made me so happy that I could have kissed him right then and there. But me being me I did the opposite.

I pulled my arm out of his steadying hold and reeled it back. I swung my fist at him, coming in solid contact with his arm. Hard.

He was startled and confused, taking a step back from me while he rubbed at his arm. I saw him getting ready to open his mouth and rip me a new one for hitting him, but I didn't give him the chance to speak. 

"Don't you ever tell me to drive that fucking deathtrap again," I yelled.

He blinked at me before realizing that I was talking about his motorcycle, then the biggest fucking grin slowly spread across his face. 

I wanted to stay mad, but if I’m honest I was just glad to see him with an expression that wasn’t full of hate for me. And maybe finally he had moved passed being angry at me and even if he didn’t like me the way that I liked him, we could at least go back to being normal fucking friend again. 

Yeah, that wouldn’t be so bad. 

***

Taglist:

@daryldixonandfrogs @jodiereedus22 @xchrisxevansx

[pendragony]

What the South Downs are like

Look, GO fanfic writers. I love you and you make life worth living, but I need to tell you some stuff. I live on the edge of the South Downs. It’s not all rock and crab grass and bleak stretches of windswept sand. Let me tell you what it’s like.

1. The local beaches are NOT sandy. They are shingle. They are the kind of beaches Crowley likens walking through the church to. They hurt your feet. There are also sometimes areas of black, barnacle-covered shelves of rock that stick out of the water, housing rock pools and pain for people who walk on them. You might find shells (mostly mussels and cockles) and bits of driftwood, but you’ll also find fossils (which regularly break off the cliffs in rock falls), seaweed, bits of old fishing nets and floats, loads and loads of herring gulls who will steal your ice cream, and these long wooden fences that run perpendicular to the coastline from the top of the beach into the sea (in a vain attempt to slow coastal drift) which are called groynes. Yes, really. Some beaches now have massive piles of granite boulders in order to counteract coastal drift. The sea is not clear and is rarely blue. It’s usually a cloudy greyish greenish blueish colour, and it’s a rare treat to be able to spot a shoal of mackerels or a porpoise.

2. In summer, we have heatwaves that feel hellish to us but would make people from other countries laugh. The rest of the time the beach tends to be chilly, because it’s always windier than inland. The air is humid year round. It’s usually about warm enough to swim from mid May till September, but you get the occasional hardy soul swimming outside those months. People go sailing, but not surfing.

3. Most coastal towns are a bit shabby and down at heel, with amusement arcades, chip shops and cafes being a common thread between them. Some are ancient fishing towns.

4. Seaside terminology in British English: it’s “the beach”, not “the shore”; “the seaside” far more often than “the coast”; “the sea”, NEVER “the ocean”, sometimes “the Channel” (the sea in question being the English Channel), never “the water”. (If people want to do stuff on “the water”, I assume firstly that they mean a river or possibly lake, and secondly that they’re foreign.)

5. On to the actual Downs. These are big hills. My American husband was shocked when he first saw them because he thought they were mountains. They aren’t (he comes from somewhere relatively flat), but they’re a good hike. They form a long, rolling ridge between the inland countryside and the sea. They’re made of chalk and flint, they’re covered in grass meadowland, rambling (hiking) trails and farmland. They are less inhabited than the surrounding Sussex countryside. You’ll find grazing animals; fields - mostly of barley, wheat, oats and oilseed rape; archaeological sites, ancient walkways and barrows; the occasional chalk figure; people walking, biking, horse riding and very occasionally even conducting Druidic rituals!

6. On that basis, please note that wherever Aziraphale and Crowley end up living almost certainly has a rural farmland type character and is definitely not a bleak, rugged headland. It’ll be archetypal English postcard territory in one of the counties that claims to be the ‘garden of England’. Think thatched roof and roses round the door, rolling hills, big old trees and a winding country lane that people down from London speed along like absolute menaces. They probably don’t have many near neighbours and are at least ten miles from the nearest town. Ten miles along ancient, narrow English roads is further than it sounds to someone from a younger country with straighter roads.

7. Broadly speaking, small towns in Sussex tend to be posh and full of old bookshops, tea rooms, antique shops, boundless history and teenagers desperate to leave. Big towns each have their own character. In terms of size, in my experience, most big towns in the UK are similar to smaller American cities, while American small towns are usually equivalent to what I would call a village, or even a hamlet.

8. Most cottages in England are built from brick or local stone (Sussex sandstone being very likely), but wooden clapboard is more common in Sussex than most parts of the country, because the south gets enough sun to occasionally dry out a little. Still unusual, though, because of deathwatch beetle, woodworm, damp and dry rot.

9. We have four distinct seasons, but rain can happen in any of them. If there’s snow in the winter, it’ll be the wet kind that easily turns to slush and ice, preventing travel because no one is prepared for it. In summer, the Downs get plenty of storms coming over from France, as well as taking the brunt of heatwaves. But generally speaking, if you paint a picture of the Downs, you will be using lots of bright blue for the sky, shades of green for the grass and woods, golden yellow for fields of corn* and hay bales, and perhaps some white for the chalk cliffs (think Dover). It looks like a postcard.

10. Retirement to the South Downs conjures up something chintzy and domestic for people who like the finer things in life but want to be left in peace to potter about harmlessly in a place that everyone agrees is utterly lovely.

*Corn, in traditional British usage going back centuries, denotes the local grain crop (eg barley, wheat, rye, oats) as opposed to maize, which used to be very rare here but is gaining in popularity.

(PS Sorry for the appalling formatting, Tumblr is weird.)

[xanth-the-wizard]

Random Mountain Encounters (1d100)

(More Random Encounters on Tuesdays! If you like my work, consider supporting me by leaving a tip at my Ko-Fi Page! Image credit: x)

An interesting challenge, but overall I think a successful one! Here are my Random Mountain Encounters (#1-5). Try them out in your campaign and let me know how it goes! Check out all my Other Encounters! See you next week for Desert Encounters!

[1] A metal shack shimmers in the light, inside you discover a hideaway for Ice Gnome Guards. They are playing cards and are willing to make bets with anybody [2] It is migration season, thousands of goats are making their way up the mountain. To pass through them is truly a foolish task [3] The remains of an abandoned city lies quietly in a valley between two great mountains. Evidence for the city’s collapse is not well hidden and perhaps even a bit devious in nature [4] Rumors say at the very top of the mountain lies a golden egg. Yes you heard me right, an egg made of gold. I don’t know who laid it so don’t ask! [5] Friendly Stone Golems patrol the mountains in order to help smaller beings climb to the top. They cannot speak and often throw giant boulders for fun. This can be lead to serious misunderstandings of course [6] All of the mountain peaks are covered in snow, all but one. The odd one out is home to a dormant volcano that is home to a civilization of merfolk. Yeah, I don’t understand it either [7] Birds in these cliffs have grown to the size of lions due to their lack of competition when it comes to hunting prey. They are intelligent and offer wisdom or mockery depending on their mood [8] You discover the cavern of a ghoulish green furred beast that is plotting to attack a nearby town and ruin their festival. This information is easy to discover as there are plans strewn about all over the place [9] Nearby two Ancient Dragons loudly argue over a borrowed book completely unaware of your party’s existence [10] There is a dimensional rift cracking through the stone of the mountain range, gravity occasionally reverses, spontaneous magic effects occur, and otherworldly beings appear without warning [11] A dedicated chef and their protégé are hunting a Yeti. The meat is said to be a delicacy. The chef will offer a grand reward to the party if they choose to assist them. Perhaps you may even be invited to dine with the Monarch who ordered it [12] You discover bodies encased in ice scattered around the path. Was this an accident or an attack? Better be careful either way [13] KABOOM! An explosion in the distance as two high level adventurers duke it out. Have them inspire your players or potentially even guide them [14] A ski resort operates on a hidden slope, it is run by Goblins who desire rare metals [15] Hidden among the sparse trees and shrubbery are large ice cocoons freshly opened [16] Shit! A near fatal slip leads to the discovery of an abandoned mineshaft within a deep ravine [17] Harpies. Just some classic Harpy encounters. They want to either eat the party or eat their rations [18] The mouth of a cavern sings sweetly, it’s quiet but insistent and impossible to ignore. Choose a random player, they are hypnotized by the sound [19] After a long night’s rest the party discover they have been separated mysteriously [20] A lone monk sits peacefully atop of the peaks. They claim to have mastered the art of reversing time [21] Howling can be heard every few hours. The source of this terrifying scream can be traced to a Dragonborn Barbarian who refuses to wear a shirt. They believe shouting into the heavens will bring them closer to the spirit of the planet [22] Due to a magical accident hundreds of years ago the mountains radiate elemental energy. Random combustion is not uncommon and neither are Elementals [23] An infectious fungus is spreading across the mountain peaks. If it is not stopped, it will grow to cover the entire range and beyond [24] Broom race season has just begun! Witches and Wizards are flying all around the place without any concern for nature or the party. Watch out for Fireballs! [25] Awoken from sleep, an eager creature excitedly attempts to pass on words of wisdom to travelers. They get a little too excited and start panicking when trying to deliver their speech [26] In the middle of the night a bear has dug into the party’s packs and has stolen the most hilarious item possible. Be it drugs or someone’s underwear. Perhaps both? Fuck, please let it be both [27] Animated objects have escaped from a neglectful master and have built a small but pitiful society. Surely a new home would suit them better [28] Buried deep within the mountain lies an army of undead, your players happen upon this after a small collapse [29] Shattered statues of gold litter the snow, neglected by time. They appear to be adventurers rumored to have gone missing a few months before [30] These alps are home to unpredictable creatures known as Shadows. They are seemingly intelligent but often attack without warning. Your party discovers a village [31] A powerful spirit guardian visits the party and attempts to lead them to their destination. They either take on the form of a four headed deer or a small white fox [32] It’s finally time. Choose one of your players at random, their bag is actually a Mimic. They’ve been keeping quiet for quite some time, but decide it’s finally time to make their escape [33] Atop the highest peak is a pool of clean spring water. Rumors say that those who drink from it will find their true love within a week. It is a well sought after ingredient for potion making [34] Atop the highest peak is a pool of black liquid. Rumors say that those who drink from it have visions of the future. It is a well sought after ingredient for potion making [35] Medicinal herbs grow all around the sierra, they are believed to be able to cure any illness. But they are guarded by poisonous ants who use it to feed their queen [36] Every few weeks a strange light emanates from the mountains in the dead of night [37] Abandoned minecart rails run through entire range and can offer a quicker, but more dangerous, way to travel [38] A stoic Troll lives near the base of the mountain, they know where the party needs to go to finish their quest. But they will only give directions if they can make the beast laugh. They haven’t laughed in almost a century (This can either be really difficult or really easy to achieve) [39] Tireless exploration has lead your party to the cave of a horrendous beast. Describe it in the most haunting and visceral way possible. That way, when they discover it’s a Pokémon they will probably threaten to fire you as their Dungeon Master but it’ll be so worth it [40] Nomadic Bards offer a detour through the mountains. They claim to know a, “Secret Tunnel” [41] Explorers stumble out of a crypt, at first glance they seem to be wounded but the truth is much worse… [42] Intricate traps litter the mountainside to the point of it being ridiculous! The trappers are actually really enthusiastic Cryptid Hunters [43] Shield surfing you say? The God of shield surfing challenges the party to a race offering valuable treasure if they win [44] Within the mountain is a dwarven forge and after a serious accident molten metals begin exploding out from the natural vents and caves. Watch your step! [45] At the base of the mountain lies a restaurant known as, “The Lost Souls Cafe.” It is run by disguised demon lords who love to gamble souls for rare rewards. The bartender quietly warns all who enter to leave before it is too late [46] Beautiful crystals line hard to reach cliffs. If your players are fortunate enough to collect some they will unfortunately discover it begins growing on exposed skin [47] A giant demon known as the Nurikabe blocks the path, it is nearly impossible to pass without employing magic or trickery [48] Rock insects have infested the entire range. Their camouflage allows them to be nearly invisible, watch your step of face their wrath [49] Wounded and dying of exposure, a warrior lies slumped in a pile of snow. She is incredibly strong and is hunting a Warlock who they have sworn to kill. Or perhaps, the person they are hunting is a villain your party has met before [50] Strong winds threaten to force the party off the side of the mountain. Is it the wrath of nature or perhaps a supernatural entity? [51] A squadron of patrolling Samurai ride upon Velociraptors. They are not friendly [52] One of the player’s voices echoes loudly in the valley. The strange thing is, the voice echoes even without any words being spoken [53] The mountains are alive and have large wounds. If the party isn’t careful they may they will face deadly consequences. But the opposite is also true, if the party are able to heal the wounds the mountains may help them on their journey [54] Fairies dance around a roaring waterfall. They act friendly and offer to heal the party, but beware.. They like to trick people into taking leaps of faith [55] Numerous quarries line the mountain range. Villages are littered throughout, all of them are hanging upside down like stalactites [56] A never ending fire burns within a crater. Travelers often come here to collect the flame [57] The only effective means of travel is a long winding road that forces the party to walk in a single file line. It is not much of an issue until something decides to attack [58] Deep within the blizzarding alps a lone peak is laced with flames. It is home to an ancient Dragon and a Sorcerer who worships and protects their master [59] Roll for which player who is going to be kidnapped by a Giant. Have fun! [60] A range of glass mountains shine brilliantly in the light. They were discovered a few days before replacing a large portion of the western coast. Their reason for existing is unknown [61] ZAP! A young spunky witch has accidentally shrunk the party. In a panic she puts them in a pocket dimension within her walking dresser companion. Surely things will be fine, right? [62] Out of nowhere bump into an invisible object. While trying to investigate they may discover a door that leads to an abandoned magical college. Rare magical treasure can be found within but something seems to have made this place their new home… [63] Clouds swirl around the peak, they are dense and have an almost unnatural appearance to them, as if they were stairs leading up to the heavens [64] Avalanche! The party are now trapped in a monster’s den. For a more dramatic challenge, all but one player is unconscious [65] A sickly looking child is wandering alone in the cold, they speak incoherent gibberish. If the party help this child and let them travel along, after reaching a safe destination they will reveal themselves as a spirit of the mountain, rewarding the party with blessings or treasure [66] The mountain pass is long but not too difficult to traverse. However, this specific path is looping over and over again without end [67] Flail Snails emerge from the mountain. They are dangerous but can be easily tamed [68] A meteor blasts through the summit, the debris rains down upon the party. It is quite deadly if they are hit. The crater is smoking and is home to a new mysterious plant [69] Hidden above are small hornet’s nests, be careful not to disturb them for the main hive is home to giant hornets who are not afraid of fighting [70] Within the rubble of a destroyed altar rests a tome with the title, “Hand of Fate” [71] Broken down on the road, a snobby noble offers to pay the party a large sum of money to help the noble and their servants to an important meeting. It takes place in a week and is important in solving interspecies relations [72] Smoke blows up from a dozen chimneys atop a bizarrely shaped house. It is home to a shy alchemist who collects rare materials from the alps [73] While climbing the mountain, the hard rocky surface suddenly begins cracking and weakening as the surface has turned into chocolate [74] Clockwork animals occupy the area. They act like regular animals… All except for Archimedes the glitchy owl. A loud creature that claims to have been created by a space demon [75] Civilians are traveling all throughout the mountain pass. With all of their belongings they venture toward a developing city in the valley. It’s a great/safe place to make new connections [76] Civilians are traveling all throughout the mountain pass. They claim it is a great land of opportunity and wealth, but something much more sinister is afoot [77] Select a random Goosebumps book, this is the new monster/obstacle the players must face [78] Spider webbing covers the entrance to a cave. Within the webs a sign reads, “Fortune readings in exchange for beautiful cups or tankards.” Sounds trustworthy enough [79] You discover a hamlet constructed out of trash and broken tools. Aloft in this pile of garbage, a Goblin’s eye cracks open. “Come have a look. One gob’s trash is another gob’s treasure.” They are a bit of con-gob so be quite careful [80] A camp of miners ask your party to sit down and join them for drinks. They are fascinated by the life of adventure your party leads [81] Poisonous mist swirls around the sierra, be careful not to lose consciousness while it seeps through your skin [82] Built into the side of the jagged stone, a Monk Temple sits peacefully amidst the storm [83] Bound to the mountain, a hellish warrior slaughters anyone who enters their domain. They are horrendously powerful and would wipe out any unsuspecting low-level party [84] Hosting a prestigious singing competition, a Purple Dragon with a tie and top hat invites all to watch this once in a lifetime event. Gods, Spirits, Giants, Beholders, etc.. are all participants [85] A campfire burns brightly on the side of the road, no one is around. Food is roasting, bottles left unopened, treasure left untouched. Do you search for those who set up this camp or take it for yourselves? [86] The party stumbles upon a murder scene and are framed for the crime by corrupt guards who came to investigate the death of a famous hero. The situation seems far too convenient [87] Frozen in ice a monstrous beast is slowly thawing, it’s power is equal to that of a Tarrasque but it does have the dumbest name in the world [88] Mimics as large as houses, disguised as, you guessed it. Houses. They lie in wait, hidden in plain sight among other buildings of an abandoned city. A storm is brewing and the party needs to take shelter. Hopefully they don’t wander into the wrong house [89] Introduce a new or reoccurring cult from your campaign. One of the members is infusing with a demon and will become a powerful antagonist that will continue to be a problem for the players in the campaign [90] The world’s worst rogue has been stalking the party. They want to kill the party or go on an adventure. The choice is yours, but they HAVE to be lovable. A new child to adopt [91] “Oi! You’ve come fer blood, haven’t you?” You are handed a flyer for a Colosseum nearby [92] A misguided entrepreneur has built their new Fast Food restaurant on a summit. They got the place for cheap but business is… Not ideal [93] Throw a Legend of Zelda boss at the players! Some suggestions: Bongo Bongo, Volvagia, Stallord, Stone Talus, Lynel [94] Struck with lightning, an unlucky party member’s eyes begin to glow as they have gained newfound powers. They’ve been selected by a powerful deity to carry out a prophecy [95] A deserted alchemy lab wanders the wilderness, it is sentient and left without a purpose [96] Thrown from the top of the mountain, a wooden chest filled with cursed magic items has been disposed of, never to be found again. Well until you rolled this random encounter [97] The party meets a high level party of badasses. They are kind of jerks and act as secondary antagonists on this journey up or through the range [98] Treasure map! No tricks, no traps. Just some sick loot [99] Let’s try out a traditional encounter. Find a cool monster (preferably displaced) and let the party fight it or perhaps help calm it down and lead it somewhere safe [100] Hidden away from the rest of the world, an observatory keeps track of planetary movement, stars, and unusual phenomenon. The observatory is run by a secret organization that watches over the world. Grand secrets reside within the somber halls

[almaasi]

reaction post typed while watching SPN 14x17 “Game Night”

this was not 45 minutes of Dean playing Twister with Cas :/

04:22pm

if this isn’t 45 minutes of team free will 2.0 having a happy time in the bunker with all their alive hunter friends and family, playing board games, everyone whistling and whooping when cas takes off his coat to play twister with dean, i will be sorely disappointed

HOWEVER

/checks

it’s meredith glynn

so maybe it won’t be the pure, fun, gay plotless fantasy that i have in mind, but it’ll probably be well-written and emotional, which is aaaalmost as good

-

04:30

DEAN’S PLAYING MOUSETRAP 

OKAY 

OKAY

OKAY

-

04:31

[distant “soN OF A BITCH”]

yeah mousetrap is like that

we have one exactly the same, it’s from the 60s or something, it sometimes functions but mostly doesn’t

when the ball hops into the bucket and rolls down the slope, that’s my favourite part

-

04:37

WHY ARE THEY HAVING GAME NIGHT and drama WITHOUT CAS

WHERE IS CAS

WHERE IS CAS

THIS IS TOO MUCH

-

04:38

ahhh thank you ms glynn for immediately answering my question

she knew!!! she knew the only question everyone would be asking at that exact moment when nobody mentioned cas is WHERE IS CAS

and then she’s like “here have some cas”

thank

-

04:39

i want a gag reel of danneel and misha trying to do this scene

we don’t have anywhere near enough content of them together, interacting

-

04:41

cas getting earrings for anael/sister jo is so intriguing to me and i really like it for some reason

“lightly cursed”

jsdfd

-

04:43

paused and screenshotted because in this exact moment she looks uncannily like my doctor

-

04:45

jo: the winchesters don’t know you’re here, do they?

cas: “why do you say that?”

jo: “i don’t know, just a general reek of ill-conceived lone wolf desperation”

i love this script, danneel’s delivery, and also describing cas as a lone wolf, i find that both attractive and accurate... kinda makes me feel better about the fact he disappears for weeks at a time, i guess it’s just a personality trait of his that he likes being alone after socialising a lot

-

04:50

mary: “i can be... closed off... hard”

dean: “yeah? :) that’s where i get it from”

aw yeah cuties talking about their feelings

-

04:51

while dean and mary talk, i think the music is that soft piano theme they use when dean and sam are having emotions, and i’m not 100% on that because i haven’t heard it in AGES, like maybe two seasons, unless i just missed it

either way it just makes me think of all the times they DIDN’T use that music with dean and cas

at least not since season 4 or 5 (sic), this music definitely reminds me more of that era than the recent eras

-

04:57

cas in that big silver pickup truck

i wonder what dean thinks of all his car choices

-

05:00

YEEEAH SAMMY SMUSH HIS STUPID FACE

-

05:03

mary telling sam she’s proud of him eyyyyyyyyyyy <3

edit: IN HINDSIGHT THESE “LAST WORDS” INTERACTIONS WITH SAM AND DEAN HURT WAY MORE. now i’m really worried about her gdi ;A;

-

05:04

the doll cas blows dust off reminds me of that weird lil doll danneel keeps in her and jensen’s house

-

05:08

laughing because how is nick even close to being jack’s father

jack is biologically the president and the presidential aide’s/first lady?’s son

and team free will are his nurturing dads, who did the actual job of parenting

lucifer is his angel father since he was possessing the president

but like

nick is the body lucifer wore, was nowhere near the president, wasn’t a vessel at the time, hasn’t physically been allowed to be near jack in all the time jack’s existed, has had almost no interaction with him, and is also a douchebag murderer

family don’t end with blood and all, sure

but like

no

-

05:18

jo/anael: “look, i just stepped in a rat, so”

oh god that reminds me of--

*trigger warning: very gross, animal death*

reminds me of that time my cat brought in a mouse and ate half and then because it was dark i stepped on it in a bare foot and skinned it with my foot and it was cold and horrible

also that time i stepped on a spider, also in bare feet, and it crunched

and that time i stepped on a lizard but it was fine and it was SQUISHY

-

05:21

i went back a bit and anael throws the doll, first it says “ma-ma~?” and then it hits the pile and goes “mhmhj!!” and that’s both cute and upsetting

-

05:24

OH MY GOD IT’S LIKE THE SAMULET BUT DIFFERENT

cute lil horned skull, i want one. seriously it’s adorable, i don’t think it’s meant to be adorable but it is

-

05:34

rock hit sammy’s face and i cringed

-

05:37

of all the wounds to the head

finally one actually did some damage

feels weird but right that dean called an ambulance like real people

edit: what did he tell the EMTs though, now sam is all healed up

-

05:40

beautiful and terrifying

-

05:41

nick: “make me strong again, make me you”

he’s gonna die isn’t he

-

05:43

dean: “count with me”

sam” “you always put me first”

noo sam !!!!

-

and then the cut from sam, dead, to nick, dead

oh gdjfgdjg help dhfgdf

-

05:47

mary: “you need help, we’ll help you”

oh now i’m worried about mary

jack you better not hurt her

-

05:48

black screen

jack’s whisper “mary”

oh no

-

05:48

THIS WAS SO MUCH

AND IT WAS GREAT BUT IT WAS SO MUCH

I KNOW I SAID TWISTER BUT THIS WAS NOT THE KIND OF TWISTER I ENVISIONED

I MEANT PHYSICAL NOT EMOTIONAL THANK YOU VERY MUCH

i have no thoughts

i can’t think, i’m just

........maryy..........

i freaking loved anael, and i loved how cas interacted with her, he’s comfortable and knows her well and is just aware of her strengths and fears and likes and needs, and anael knows him just as well, well enough that she knew his real motivations for trying to contact god

i love that this was all about jack, but i also hate it because oh no our sweet baby nougat boy is a chocolate cake now

i love how much love the winchesters have for him, how they’re not even questioning whether he belongs there or not, even when lucifer and nick are trying to claim kinship. team free will are his three dads and everyone knows it

i adored seeing mary again, it feels like it’s been ages. and i hope dearly she’s okay at the end of this, we’ve all had enough of fridging and she doesn’t deserve that to happen to her again, none of us want that

meredith glynn writes good female characters with relatable positive and negative traits and i am so pleased to see that!! i do kind of think anael was the best part of this episode, and she was written so much better here than in the previous season. that stuff she and cas talked about, her doing everything for money vs. her trying to fix suffering, but also clearly enjoying the money along the way, that was my favourite part of the episode

i think my least favourite part was the fact it was basically two stories, cas doing stuff for jack, and then dean and sam and mary doing stuff for jack. i know it’ll match up later, but i disliked the lack of contact there. at least on screen, cas wasn’t informed about all the drama the others were going through, and like anael said, they didn’t know where cas was or what he was doing.

and also given this all happened apparently around the same time, and the episodes’ air dates (maybe) coincides with when they’re set, where WAS cas two weeks ago when he left dean and the bunker and dean said he left early in the morning? i assume he was going to meet anael, but how much time passed between then and this? idk

i loved that cas picked up earrings for anael though. and knew enough about them to know they were valuable. either he’s an jewellery expert or a geologist, or dean or sam are, and all of those possibilities thrill me

didn’t like sam getting hurt but the wORST PART was jack’s downfall here

oh no

dean’s relief after sam was healed, where he had to step back and turn around, that was... something. no matter how many times he almost loses the people he loves, it never gets easier for him, and it never will

damn that rock from the middle of the road that probably shouldn’t have been there

but also. how much of lucifer’s personality was just nick? because he’s basically the same person without lucifer. i’m really curious who lucifer is, because we don’t really know, do we? i mean, actions aside, the quirks of his speech and personality were seemingly all nick’s. (i think when sam was in the white suit, that was non-nick lucifer, except that was in an alternate timeline so who even knows.)

one more thing. a tip for the non-anxiety-ridden, non-autistic people out there. when a person is stumbling away from you with their hands over their ears/eyes/head, muttering about wanting the conversation to stop or the noise to stop or for you to go away, please, under no circumstances, go after them and yell at them and grab them

not saying jack should’ve done whatever he did, but mary definitely reacted in the worst possible way to a panic/anxiety attack, especially when jack is clearly dangerous to other people, not just himself

anyway. 06:21pm.

10/10, but would not recommend unless someone really wanted their heart ripped out

would have preferred dean playing mousetrap for 45 minutes and cas coming home early to find everyone had the correct amount of soul, and then letting dean teach him how to play twister, actual twister, not this twisted goddamn fuckery directed at my stupid emotions like this actually turned out to be

[anotheruserwithnoname]

A Jenna Coleman DVD/Blu-ray library

About a year or so ago, I did a quick survey of Jenna’s film and TV work and its availability on home video. With the recent UK release of Victoria S3 and questions over whether there might be a DVD release of this week’s National Theatre Live broadcast of All My Sons, I thought I’d do an updated version. (I’m generally focusing on physical releases - I’m aware some shows unavailable on DVD or Blu-ray may well be available on streaming - though if I know about legal online availability I’ll mention it.)

A text break first as this will be a bit lengthy. (And corrections are always welcome if I goof anything here.)

Summer Holiday: As I was compiling this list I noticed that this has been added to her IMDb listing. This is dated 1998 and is the title of a play Jenna appeared in when she was about 10. An IMDb listing implies that a video has been released, but I know nothing of this. IMDb is also notorious for including dubious listings. I’ve looked around and general consensus is this video does not exist or maybe there’s a snippet someone shot from the audience and somebody decided to make an IMDb listing for it.

Emmerdale: There’s been no DVD release of Jenna’s era on Emmerdale. With about 140 episodes featuring her, it would need to be a very big box set. ITV Hub streams the show, but only recent episodes it seems. I’ve also seen a reference to BritBox but I don’t know if the 2005-2009 era is included.

Waterloo Road: Jenna was featured in Series 5, which has been released to DVD in the UK. For the rest of the world (and those who didn’t get the DVDs), the production company behind the series has made the entire series - including Jenna’s arc - officially available for free on YouTube. (Episodes are edited to remove opening and closing credits, however.) Her first episode can be found here.

Maria’s Story: Around the time she was on Waterloo, Jenna made a PSA for a an organization dedicated to addressing cruelty to children. She performed a dramatic reading of a survivor’s letter and it’s heart-wrenching. The IMDb lists her as the executive producer but I don’t know if that’s accurate. Being just a PSA it’s not on DVD anywhere, but you can view it on Youtube here. This one slipped by many fans because some of the posts don’t mention Jenna (who is uncredited in the video) and the one place she was mentioned, they misspelled her name.

Imaginary Forces: During her year in America, Jenna filmed a role in a Jacobs Ladder-esque horror short that has, as of 2019, never been released. All we have is the trailer which was posted to YouTube in I think 2010. That original post appears to no longer exist (or it didn’t show up on a search anyway), but the trailer was reposted by a fan account for one of the actors about 6 years ago. You can hear Jenna’s early attempt at an American accent and she appears on screen for about one second.

Unknown pilot episode: Jenna auditioned for a large number of TV shows during her time in America. Some of these auditions have circulated on YouTube. According to an interview she did film a pilot for a sitcom in which she played an Australian character. I’ve looked around for a few years and have not found any indication as to the title of the production or anything else. It has never been broadcast, at any rate. But it’s always possible it might turn up somewhere. Maybe in a box set alongside Imaginary Forces. LOL

Captain America: The First Avenger: The Marvel Cinematic Universe classic is obviously widely available and is undoubtedly the biggest-seller of anything on this list. I believe that, for a while, Jenna technically had the biggest box office take of any former companion because of her cameo in this movie, until Karen Gillan joined the MCU as Nebula. Natalie Dormer also has a cameo.

Titanic: The 2012 miniseries has been released to both DVD and Blu-ray worldwide. In Canada it also seems to get rebroadcast quite a lot on cable. There were several Titanic productions in 2012; this is the 4-episode one with Jenna and Perdita Weeks (and Jenna’s picture is on the DVD cover too!)

Room at the Top: The original broadcast of this two-part adaptation of the novel (previously filmed in the 1950s), originally scheduled for 2011, was delayed a year due to rights issues (ending up with it airing around the time Jenna debuted as Oswin Oswald). These same rights issues are presumably the reason behind the fact there has never been a home video release anywhere. Amazon’s streaming service apparently has it available in the UK only. The BBC website once had it available for streaming (again only in the UK) but it’s not available. No idea of its Britbox status.

Dancing on the Edge: This five-episode minseries has been released worldwide on DVD and Blu-ray, though it might be a bit hard to find now. I assume it’s on streaming somewhere. This is the one that also features Tom Hughes, though he shares no scenes with Jenna.

Doctor Who: Obviously, Jenna’s era in the series is available widely both in physical and streaming formats, though some of the spin-off work she did for the 50th such as the Five(ish) Doctors Reboot and The Ultimate Guide might be a bit harder to track down. In Canada, for example, the only way to see these was on a bonus disc in a Matt Smith Era box set. I don’t know if they’ve been put on streaming. Likewise I’ve never bothered to look to see if any of the minisodes she made (especially Clara and the TARDIS), available on the DVDs and Blu-rays, are on streaming.

Death Comes to Pemberley: Widely available on DVD and Blu-ray. However the North American release put out by PBS stresses that it’s the UK version. That implies that (much like Victoria) the US broadcast was different in some way. I’ve never seen the PBS edit so I don’t know if there is actually a difference.

Me Before You: Widely available on DVD and Blu-ray, which also feature a rare appearance of Jenna in a gag reel.

Victoria: All 3 seasons are out on DVD and Blu-ray in Europe and North America. The North American release features the ITV edit, and thus does not include the additional scenes featured in the longer PBS broadcasts (it also often omits some of the special features like commentaries in the UK release). I’m hoping that, when Victoria finishes its run, somebody will release a box set that includes the extra footage for the benefit of UK fans and for those who watched the PBS version. There are some very nice sequences featuring Jenna that are technically missing. I hear mixed messages as to whether the PBS streaming service features the Masterpiece edits or ITV.

Thunderbirds Are Go: Jenna did a guest voice in the second season premiere of the CGI remake of the Gerry Anderson classic, again doing an American accent. The season has been released on DVD in the UK and elsewhere but not in North America. As far as streaming goes, it appears to belong to Amazon. 

The Cry: The miniseries has been released on DVD in the UK and Australia, but at present is not available in North America due to Sundance Now holding the streaming rights. There’s no indication as to if or when we’ll get a physical release here. My guess is probably not until Sundance Now has exclusivity for at least a year.

National Theatre Live: All My Sons: During his recent radio interview with Jenna, Graham Norton brought up the idea of All My Sons getting a DVD release. Jenna couldn’t answer, however National Theatre Live’s website states that they don’t do DVD releases and there are no NTL releases other than a documentary marking an anniversary listed on Amazon.co.uk. All My Sons would have been recorded because NTL’s website is already listing encore broadcasts for next February in the United States so it’ll probably get filed in some archive.

Inside No. 9: Jenna has a guest role in the upcoming 5th series of this comedy show. The series does get a DVD release in the UK, but not in North America where once again we’ll be restricted to seeing it on streaming (via Britbox, apparently).

[emmaleems]

Migration Patterns || Emma-Lee M. 

1. The bird flies in and takes a seat at the head of the table.  You seem peckish, I say. It must have been a long trip here. Please go on without me.  But the bird doesn’t speak. Her feathers blend together on her neck into her chest into her soft stomach and we only see the final product. The coloring of her whole. The way she all blends in with all.

2. The horizon aches on the edge of the world. The sun kindles its will alongside it. We follow at a distance and watch it torch the sky as we fly in old circles. These flight patterns take us far from here and tell us home is the soar itself. The coast is far below and the formation strikes a deal with the breeze. Please don’t go against the wind, let it take you where it needs to go.

3. On that years-ago trip I thought about lists, and I thought about words, and all the ones I could say so I didn’t have to mean them.  The best way to fill up a list is to number things. For example, count the highway markers and the road signs. Tally the clouds in the sky or give name to each of the stars. For this to work, you should blot them out as you go, color them over with the dark space around them.  By the time you’re done, you’ll think you might be ready to tell the truth. Quiet will whisper you are wrong, and there in that handmade darkness, that once-truth will be swallowed by the sound of the shadows themselves.           It’ll still be a nice idea though, something sweet, wine-stained breath and chewed-up tongue and all.  

4. These flight patterns change. There’s weather to consider, those who fly alongside you. The ones who lead and the ones who trail. The flying is the only constant. There is sunlight sometimes, more often rain, where the ground beneath comes and goes. The horizon dips and reaches. The clouds breathe in and out. We are all just reeling towards an end.

5. Calling it a list isn’t quite right. I’m sorry, I must have messed up in the dark. There was no list. It might have been a map, and I didn’t see until after we left that we had no end in mind.

6. At the halfway point in this migration we will stutter and in our take-a-breather free-fall, tell me about the way you felt your way home. Talk to me about magnetism and how these bodies find the places they need to be. At the halfway point, let’s rearrange to face the new moon. We can find the shadow and know it’s there, take that old light and turn it into a truth of its own. A truth, which is a lie, because it doesn’t tell you everything. I know this tall-tale by heart, but go ahead and tell me anyway. When the ground reappears, we can beat and beat and beat and beat ourselves to continue on our way.

7. In the shape we’ve made on this solo group journey, leave the metaphors at face value and tell me what you really mean. We are hurtling towards an end undefined. Repeat the facts: Here I am, head of the V. These wings are beating against the current, following a path unseen and unmade. This is an exhaustion so tangible it decays my teeth and chews me up. It breaks my jaw. It draws me back and down. Blink back on track, tilt your head. Repeat the facts: This migration never ends. There is no home. There is only the space between topsoil and the heights that we’ve built by hand and by feather, by fallen-from-grace force of will. Here I am again, the last one flying at the back of the V, hurtling towards an end undefined.

8. I got it all wrong again. Funny, right? On that old trip, I really filled my list with pictures. There were salmon swimming downstream and turtles on their backs in the sun.  These aren’t pictures, even. They aren’t even portraits of myself. They can be just that. That image we built can just be an image. This poem can just be a poem.

9. It seems as if things have died before us. I see a season’s worth of casualties underneath the naked trees, and I know just how those empty bodies lie even when the coastline bleeds into a spring I only recognize by the fish that jump below us and the other flocks that pass our own— with whom we streamline while the landscape seeps into color, brilliant and bright for the moment we overlap, as we take our turns reaching for something we have all only heard of— as did the dead things that have given way,  carcasses littered below the path we’re on, so we migrate for them, bloat and bones aside— their memories, I have no right to, or so I have been told.

10. When we make the journey back again we will remember, like we do every time, how there is no going back, there is only another journey, time moving forward, our bodies heading south not just for the winter, but for always and forever, and when the trek comes time to be again we have already chosen to forget, and we will move forward, and we will follow our bodies, and there will be no destination, only things we have learned, and things we must let go, and there is a place wherein those overlap and it is there I lay down those things I’ve learned, and it is there I choose to leave them, and it is there that Hope lies, that what I put down will stay there, and it is there I will find myself again.

11. We land from our migration and are sore. We land and are too hot and too cold. We land and are alone.

12. The bird at the head of the table looks me in the eye. Her eyes are sharp and her colors are blind, an all-at-once and piece-by-piece affair. About that meal, I admit. I seem to have lost my appetite. I think it disappeared somewhere along the coast, it must have been carved up by each edge. Taken by the sea or left behind in the sand. The bird stretches her wings wide, all the way out, so she frames the table. It is covered with things I thought I had lost along the way. She is beautiful like this, open and free, her colors cascading into camouflage that hides only the line between should i’s and i am’s And I tell her again about my appetite, but I couldn’t get her to listen. I couldn’t get her to understand that these migrations are instinct itself, a force unbidden, and that I am sorry I can’t stomach what’s been laid out before me. I want you to share this with me, is all she says, and so we sit. We hold in this tender silence. We wait for the other to dig in.