#1. they pointed out the relation between our two costumes

[nosolaceofastraightanswer]

my unintentional u!ben hargreeves cosplay ✌️

happy halloween everyone!! ☂️

[felassan]

Dragon Age development insights and highlights from Bioware: Stories and Secrets from 25 Years of Game Development

Some really tasty factoids here.

Cut for length.

Dragon Age: Origins

The continent of Thedas was at one point going to be named Pelledia, a name initially floated by James Ohlen

“Qunari” was a temporary name that ended up unintentionally sticking, much like “Thedas”

Mary Kirby wrote the Landsmeet. To this day, nobody understands how it works, except possibly her. If she’s “really really drunk” she can explain how it works. There’s as many words in it as Sten’s entire conversations put together

Concept art for Thedosian art - as in in-world art - draws heavily on Renaissance-era portraiture, the Art Nouveau movement, religious styles and media like stained glass, and favorite pieces from the golden age of illustrations in the early 20th century

Andrastianism in-world (art-wise) is depicted in wildly different methods depending on who in-world made the art in question. “One religion, 3 different lenses”. There’s the Chantry take, the Orlesian take and the Fereldan take; each with its own different interpretations, different mediums and different stories

The stained glass images were drawn by Nick Thornborrow for DAI, to decorate religious spaces in that game “and beyond”

irl Viking art influenced Ferelden

Greek and Italian art influenced Orlais

The book also had other insights into and anecdotes from the development of DAO, but I’ve transcribed them recently as they’re essentially the stories DG has recently been relating on the awesome Summerfall Studios DAO playthrough Twitch streams. (On those streams he provides dev commentary while Liam Esler plays through DA. The ones with DG are currently once every two weeks. Check them out! Here’s a calendar where you can check when the next one is) Instead of repeating myself I’ll just provide the link to the first transcript. From there you can navigate to the subsequent parts. Note these streams are ongoing. At this point I will also point you to a related post which is cliff notes of the Dragon Age chapter in Jason Schreier’s book Blood Sweat and Pixels.

Dragon Age II

DAO had the longest development period in BioWare history. In contrast DA2 had the shortest

Initially DA2 was going to be an expansion to DAO. A few months in EA said “Yeah, expansions like these don’t sell very well, so let’s make it a sequel.” So it suddenly became DA2 and they had to make it even bigger, although they still only had 1.5 years of time in which to do this

Production of DA2 officially lasted only 9 months, and at the time the team was still supporting live content for DAO! They finished development that January after the design team crunched all the way through the holiday period that year. Then it went to cert 9 times

The limited time they had is why the story takes place mostly in and around 1 city, and over 7 years (so it was temporal, rather than over physical distance, because a more expansive world would have taken more irl time to make)

They had no time to review even the main plot. Mike Laidlaw pitched the idea of 3 stories taking place at different points in the PC’s life, tied together by Varric’s recollections of events. DG rolled with this and made 1 presentation on the idea. This presentation was then approved and off they went

As they were writing DG realized that there was going to be no oversight and that everything was going to be a ‘first draft’. “Because nobody had time.” He sat down with the writers and said “Look, here’s the conditions we’re working under. A lot of what we’re putting out is gonna be raw. We’re not going to get the editing we need. We’re not going to get the kind of iteration we need. So I’m going to trust you all to do your best work.”

Looking back, DG has mixed feelings on DA2. “A lot of corners were cut. The public perception was that it was smaller than DAO. That’s a sin on its own.”

Despite this he thinks DA2 has some of the best writing in the series, especially character-wise. The DA2 chars are his favorite

The pace with which production progressed may in some ways have helped. “When we do a lot of revision, we often file away [as in buff off] some of the good writing as well. Somehow DA2′s whirlwind process resulted in some really good writing”

The pace meant chars landed on the writers in various stages of completion. For example Isabela was fairly defined due to appearing in DAO. In contrast Varric at the start was just that single piece of widely-shown concept art

Varric was conceived as a storyteller not a fighter. His skills are talking and bullshitting. Hence the question became, so what does this guy do in combat? The direction was to make him as different as possible to Oghren, so not a warrior. He couldn’t be a dual-wielding rogue in order to differentiate him from Bela. But you can’t really picture this guy with a bow. “For a dwarf, it would probably be a crossbow. We didn’t have crossbows, or we only had crossbows for the darkspawn. And they were part of the models. We didn’t have a separate crossbow that was equip-able by the chars. They had to like, crop one off a darkspawn and remodel it. And that became Bianca” (quote: Mary Kirby)

“Dwarven mages are exceedingly rare.” [???]

If DAO was a classic fantasy painting, DA2 was a screenshot from a Kurosawa film or a northern Renaissance painting. (Here Matt Rhodes was commenting on art style)

John Epler: “In any one of our games, there’s a 95% chance that if you turn the camera away from what it’s looking at, you’ll see all kinds of janky stuff. The moment we know the camera is no longer facing someone, we no longer care what happens to them. We will teleport people around. We will jump people around. We will literally have someone walk off screen and then we will shift them 1000 meters down, because we’re fixing some bug.” John also talked about this camera stuff in a recent charity Twitch stream for Gamers For Groceries. There’s a writeup of that stream here

Designing Kirkwall pushed concept artists to the limits of visual storytelling, because it has a long history that they wanted to be present. It was once the hub of Tevinter’s slave empire, so it needed to look brutal and harsh, but it also then needed to feel reclaimed, evolved, and with elements of contemporary Free Marches culture

The initial plan was for DA titles to be distinguished by subtitles not numbers, so that each experience could stand on its own rather than feel like a sequel or continuation. (My note: New PCs in each entry make sense then when you consider this and other factoids we know like how DA is the story of the world not of any one PC). Later, DA2′s name was made DA2 in a bid to more clearly connect the game to its predecessor. For DAI they returned to the original naming convention. (My note: so I’d reckon they’d be continuing the subtitle naming convention for DA4)

DA2 was initially code-named “Nug Storm”, strictly internally

The Cancelled DA2 Expansion - Exalted March

This was a precursor to DAI

It was meant to bridge the gap between DA2 and DAI

It focused on the fallout from Kirkwall’s explosion, with Cory serving as the villain

Meredith’s red lyrium statue was basically going to infest Kirkwall and it would end up [with what would end up] the red templars taking over Kirkwall and essentially being Cory’s army

To stop him Hawke would have recruited various factions, including Bela’s Felicisima Armada and the Qunari at Estwatch, forcing Hawke to split loyalties and risk relationships in the process

It was meant to bring DA2′s story to an end and end in Varric’s death. DG was very happy with this because all of DA2 is Varric’s tale. The expansion was supposed to start at the moment Cassandra’s interrogation of him ended in the present. “And we finished off the story with Varric having this heroic death.” It tied things up and would have broken many fan hearts, something BioWare writers notoriously enjoy. But between a transition to the new Frostbite engine and the scope of DAI, the decision was made to cancel EM, work any hard-to-lose concepts into DAI, and in the process save Varric’s life. DG has talked about the Varric dying thing before

Concept art for EM explored new areas previously not depicted in the DA universe, with costumes that reflected next steps for familiar chars. Varric was going to war, what would he have worn? With Anders, if he survived DA2, the plan was to present a redeemed Warden

A char that vaguely resembled Sera in DAI was first concepted for EM. This fact was mentioned near this concept art (see the female elf) and this concept art of Bethany with the blond bob

The writers sketched out plans to end it with Hawke having the option to marry their LI. This included alternate ceremonies for party members like Bethany and Sebastian if the player opted not to wed. There was even a wedding dress made for Hawke. This asset made it into DAI (Sera and Cullen’s weddings in Trespasser). The dress can also be seen in DAI during an ambient NPC wedding after completing a chain of war table missions

The destruction of a Chantry was explored in concept art as it might have happened in EM. This idea ended up carrying over to the beginning of DAI. (My note: Lol, the idea that DA2 could have had 2 Chantries being destroyed in it 😆)

World of Thedas

Sheryl Chee and Mary Kirby started with “a disgusting little dish called fluffy mackerel pudding”. In the middle of DAO’s busy dev period one of them (they can’t remember who) found a recipe online for this, scanned in from a 70s cookbook. “I don’t understand why it was fluffy. Why would you want fluffy mackerel pudding?” MK says. “We loved it so much we included it in a DAO codex.”

This led them to create more food for Thedas, full recipes included, like a Fereldan turnip and barley stew from MK and SC’s Starkhaven fish and egg pie. The fish pie became Sebastian’s favorite. “To me it made sense for it to be fish pie because a lot of the Free Marches are on the coast”, SC says, “It was something that was popular in medieval times, so I thought, let’s make a fish pie! I looked at medieval recipes and I concocted a fish pie which I fed to my partner, and he was like ‘This is not terrible’”

For WoT the whole studio was asked to contribute family recipes which might have a place in Thedas. SC adapted these to fit in one Thedosian culture or another, including a beloved banana bread that localization producer Melanie Fleming would regularly bake to keep the DA team motivated. “Melanie’s banana bread got us through Inquisition”

DAI

It says part of DAI takes place in or near the border with Nevarra [???]

This game was aimed to be bigger than DA2 and even DAO in every conceivable way

The first hour had to do a lot of heavy lifting, tying together the events of DAO and DA2 while introducing a new PC, new followers etc in the aftermath of the big attack. DG rewrote it 7 times then Lukas Kristjanson did 2 more passes

DG: “Our problem is always that our endings are so important, but we leave them to last, when we have no time. I kept pushing on DAI: ‘Can we work on the ending now? Can we work on the ending now? Can we do it early on?’ Because I knew exactly what it was going to be. But despite the fact that it kept getting scheduled, whenever the schedule started falling behind, it kept getting pushed back... so, of course, it got left til last again.”

“The reveal of the story’s real antagonist, Solas, a follower until the end, when he betrayed the player”. “Solas’ story remains a main thread in Inquisition’s long-awaited follow-up” [these aren’t DG quotes, just bits of general text]

Over the course of development they had 8 full-time writers and 4 editors working on it. Other writers joined later to help wrangle what ended up being close to 1 million words of dialogue and unspoken text. While many teams moved to a more open concept style of work for DAI, the writers remained tucked away in their own room, a choice DG says was necessary, given how much they talked. All the talking had a purpose ofc as if someone hit a bump or wall in their writing they would open the problem up to the room

As writing on a project like DAI progresses, the writers grow punchier and weirder things make it into the game. This is especially the case towards the end of a project (they get tired, burned out)

Banter and codexes require less ‘buy-in’ (DG has talked about this concept a few times on the Twitch streams) from other designers. DG liked to leave banter for last as a reward because it was fun. Banter begins as lists of topics for 2 followers to discuss. These may progress over time or be one off exchanges. One banter script can balloon to well over 10k words. “The banter was always huge because we were always like, laughing, and really at that point, our fields of fucks were rather barren, so we would just do whatever”

The bog unicorn happened pretty much by accident. It was designed by Matt Rhodes and was one of his fav things to design. They needed horse variations and he had already designed an undead variant which was a bog mummy [bog body]. irl these are preserved in a much different way to traditional mummies. When someone dies in a bog their skin turns black and raisin-like. The examples we know of tend to have bright red hair for whatever reason. It’s a very striking look and MR wanted to do a horse version of this as he thought it’d be neat. 5 mins before the review meeting for it he had a big ‘Aha!’ moment, quickly looked up a rusty old Viking sword, and photoshopped it through its skull like that was how it died. “And I was like, ‘I just made a unicorn. Alright, in it goes!’” It got approved. “So we built the thing. It fit. It told a little story”

With the irl Inquisition longsword, one of the objects they tested its cleaving ability on was a plush version of Leliana’s nug Schmooples

The concept art team explored a wide variety of visuals for the Inquisitor’s signature mark. It needed to look powerful and raw but couldn’t look like a horrific wound. In some cases, as cool as the idea looked on paper, they just weren’t technically feasible, especially as they had to be able to fit on any number of different bodies

Bug report: “Endlessly spawning mounts! At one point during development, Inquisitors could summon a new horse every time they whistled, allowing them to amass a near infinite number of eager steeds that faithfully followed them across Thedas. “You could go charging across levels and they’d all gallop behind you,” Jen Cheverie says, “It was beautiful.” Trotting into town became an epic horse siege as a tidal wave of mounts enveloped the streets. Jen called it her Army of Ponies”

The giants came from DA Week, an internal period when devs can pursue different individual creative projects that in some way benefit DA. They also had a board game from one of these that they were going to put in but they didn’t have time. It’s referenced though. It was dwarven chess

Josie’s outfit is made of gold silk and patterned velvet, with leather at her waist. She carries “an ornate ledger” and she has “an ornamented collar sitting around her neck, finished by a brilliant red ruby, like a drop of Antivan wine in a sunbeam”

Iron Bull’s armor is leather. His loose pantaloons and leather boots give him agility to charge

On DAI in particular, concept artists took special care to make sure costumes would be realistic, at least in a practical ‘this obeys the laws of physics and textiles’ sense. “While on Inquisition, we thought about cosplay from a concept art perspective. Given how incredible a lot of [cosplays] are, I now am not worried about them. In fact in some cases in the future I want to throw them curveballs like, ‘All right, you clever bastards. Let’s see if you can do this!’”

2 geese that nested on the office building and had chicks were named Ganders and Arishonk (it wasn’t known who was the mom or the dad). Other possible names were Carver Honke, Bethany Honke, Urdnot Pecks, Quackwall, Cassandra Pentagoose, the Iron Bill, Shepbird, Garroose, Admiral Quackett, Scout Honking, HChick-47 and Darth Malgoose

Bug report: “The surprising adventures of Ser Noodles!” DAI was the first time the series had a mount feature, meaning this had a lot of bugs. A lot of the teams’ favorite bugs were to do with the mounts. There was a period of time where the Inquisitor’s horse seemed to lose all bone and muscle in its legs. They had a week or so where all quadruped legs were broken. It was a bit noticeable in things like nugs and other small beasties but the horse was insanely obvious. “The first time we summoned the horse [for this] and started running around, the entire QA exploration room just exploded with laughter.” Its legs flapped around like cooked fettucine, leading testers to lovingly nickname it Ser Noodles. At galloping speeds the legs almost looked like helicopter blades, especially when footage was set to classic pieces such as Wagner’s Flight of the Valkyries

For DAI the artists were asked questions like “What would Morrigan wear to a formal ball? Can Cassandra pull off a jaunty hat?”

On DAI storyboarding became the norm. John Epler: “Cinematic design for the longest time was the Wild West. It was ‘here’s a bunch of content, now do it however you want’, which resulted in some successes and some failures.” Storyboarding gave designers a consistent visual blueprint based on ideas from designers, writers and concept artists

Quote from a storyboard by Nick Thornborrow (the Inquisitor going into the party at the end of basegame sequence): “Until Corypheus revealed himself they could not see the single hand behind the chaos. A magister and a darkspawn combined. The ultimate evil. So evil. Eviler than puppy-killers and egg farts combined.”

A general note on concept art:

In the early stages of any project, before the concept artists are aware of any writing, they like to just draw what they think cool story moments could be. It’s not unusual for the team to then be inspired by these and fold them into the game as the project progresses

– From Bioware: Stories and Secrets from 25 Years of Game Development

[thermodynamic-comedian]

papa saltarian headcanons.

(for context on this au, see this post. btw i'm gonna be using the tag "papa saltarian au" for posts about this lol.)

1. dynamic with the nameless ghouls

starting off, i don't think the ghouls would change, so i'm going into this headcanon with the era 4 ghouls in mind.

since saltarian isn't even vaguely related to the emeritus bloodline, he has some trouble trusting the ghouls, since they're not intrinsically tied to his presence and could leave or betray him at any time. this is why i feel like at first, he'd be a lot more formal with the ghouls than the other papas, not really interacting with them on stage, overall coming off as cold and distant. so the ghouls start to pull away a little, losing a lot of their stage antics and routines, and instead just stay at their respective spaces on the stage.

but suddenly, saltarian starts to warm up to them. no one can really figure out what changed his attitude (a lot of things contributed, but really, it was seeing swiss fall off the stage and still continue playing that sparked sudden respect for the ghouls in saltarian).

since then, a new dynamic has been developing between him and the ghouls: it starts out as saltarian making sure they're okay if something seems off with a specific ghoul.

then, slowly, they start developing their own routines:

during cirrus' keytar solo in mummy dust, saltarian starts gesturing for the crowd to cheer her on more.

for the backing vocals in moac, him and swiss do this thing where they hold each others' mics to each others' mouths, so the song pretty much becomes their duet.

sometimes aether sneaks up behind him and pretends to bite him in the neck. at first he just reluctantly let it happen, but eventually he started actively playing along with it ('because the fans love it' he reasoned to himself), stretching his neck out and rolling his eyes back dramatically, as if fainting.

2. stage presence

we've seen how being papa affects someone's personality. i mean, it transformed awkward shy little cardinal copia into papa emeritus iv.

but saltarian is a very serious man. so serious, in fact, that sister imperator eventually has to tell him that people just respond better to the natural flamboyance and energy of the emeritus bloodline compared to his excessive professionalism. luckily, he takes the hint.

his performances finally start developing into a new kind of show. his body language becomes much more dramatic, though unlike our dear copia, saltarian goes out of his way to move slowly on stage, as if trying to make every step resonate with the audience.

alright, now for some of his solo stage antics and routines:

saltarian's really good at addressing his audience, making them feel like every song is a direct message to them and them only. this obviously comes out the most when he's ciriceing someone.

once he gets fully comfortable with the audience, he starts talking in between songs. just little comments, thanking everyone for being there to hear the dark lord's message, that sort of stuff.

but at some point, after every performance of a seven inches of satanic panic song, he suddenly starts casually telling stories from era 0 of ghost. nobody really knows why he does it (they're convinced it's either just to embarrass nihil and imperator, or because he's genuinely reminicing about the good old days), but hey, free lore, am i right?-

remember what i said about him moving really slowly on stage on purpose? yea well sometimes he'll also make one or two really fast, sudden movements, just to try and stratle the audience.

3. costume??

papa saltarian probably wouldn't have proper papal make-up, since he's only acting as papa until the actual papa v is found, but i still think he'd wear a decent amount of eye-liner, if just to make his facial expressions more noticeable. also wears ghross (ghost cross) earrings, just because the symbol makes for some sickass earrings in my opinion.

now, for his actual outfit, well- currently i'm thinking he'd wear something relatively plain, but fancy. maybe like an almost gothic version of his regular black suit with some extra silk, maybe leather.

4. the music

all i'm gonna say is.

and that's about it.

[honyakuninakunaru]

A Ceremony of Blessings, Tales, and Starlight // Mithra SSR Card Story

CHAPTER 1

(Mithra's room)

Mithra: "So, what are you two here for?"

Akira: "We came to invite you to the 'Ceremony of Blessings, Tales, and Starlight'!"

Mithra: "To what bony dressing...?"

Rutile: "No, no, it's 'Ceremony of Blessings, Tales, and Starlight'."

Mithra: "And what is that?"

Akira: "It's a ritual passed down between a Sage and their wizards. Snow and White discovered it in some ancient tome. Though I'm not sure how true it is, it says that if the ceremony takes place somewhere related to a certain wizard, the Sage can deepen their bond with them. Especially if it's during a time when someone tends to receive a lot of blessings, like birthdays, for example..."

Rutile: "Furthermore, it can strenghten one's magic, health, and luck! It's a ceremony that seems to promise nothing but good things. Since it's your birthday soon, how about giving it a try, Mister Mithra?"

Mithra: "Absolutely not. There's no gage that it will work even if I put the time and effort into it, is there? Besides, the only thing I'm vexed by at present is the inability to sleep, and even then, all I have to do is ask to hold Master Sage's hand."

Akira: "That's true, but..."

Rutile: "But, it's not like you can hold their hand all day, every day, can you? They can't accompany you on every mission either. You know, Mitile participated in the same ceremony a while ago. He said he felt like he could use his magic a little better."

Mithra: "Is that so."

Akira: "Though the effects seem to vary from wizard to wizard, there's a chance it could work for your affliction. We'll take care of the arrangements, and you just have to turn up on the appointed day... So, what do you think?"

Mithra: "... What have I gotten myself into."

Akira: "Is that a yes?"

Rutile: "Oh, how wonderful! Thank you, Mister Mithra!"

Akira: "Thank you, really. We'll tell you the time and date later!"

Rutile: "Do look forward to it, alright?"

Mithra: "... Huh? What was... Oh, well, whatever."

CHAPTER 2

(Manor lounge)

Rutile: "So, for the ceremony, we will need special garments, three people whom Mister Mithra has some sort of relationship with, and a word of blessing from you, Master Sage."

Akira: "Snow and White said they'll prepare the costumes, so we need to think of the blessings..."

Oz: "....."

Akira: "...Um, if possible, we would really appreciate it if you could help us, Oz."

We happened to bump into Oz just as we had come into the lounge. He more or less scowled when Rutile held him off and asked for help with something related to Mithra, but after I asked him as well, he decided to stay.

Rutile: "Since we'll be thinking of blessings, we should think of something Mister Mithra would be happy to be told."

Akira: "Yep. If we want to express our gratitude, we should think of the things we find great about him, as well as his strong points."

Rutile: "Mister Mithra has a lot of good points! He's tall, strong, good-looking, a little absent-minded, but kind nonetheless."

Oz: "...You find he is... kind?"

Rutile: "Mhm."

Oz: "...Kind...?"

Akira: ("We have blessings from Rutile and Oz, but who should the third person be... They don't get along that well, and choosing people is difficult... But, since the situation calls for it...")

(Approaching footsteps)

Bradley: "Whatcha guys doin'?"

Bradley, who happened to be passing by, looked back and forth between Oz and Rutile, and upon reading the things Rutile had written down, a frown showed up on his face.

Bradley: "...No, but for real, what the hell are ya doin'?"

Akira: "You see..."

—————

Bradley: "Yer gonna... bless Mithra?"

Akira: "Could you help us out, please? You've known Mithra for a long time, haven't you?"

Bradley: "Don' be ridiculous. Is there even anythin' to bless 'im with?"

Oz: "I'll have to agree. Regardless of your request, there really is nothing I can think of that I want to say to him."

Akira: ("It was a tall order after all, wasn't it...")

Just as my shoulders had slumped in dismay, a lightbulb seemed to have appeared above Bradley's head.

Bradley: "... Hold on. Now that I think 'bout it, there was somethin' I wanted to tell 'im back in the day but never got the chance to."

Rutile: "Which is?"

Bradley: "The absolute rapture I felt the first time I met 'im. My chest was throbbin' with infatuation that only someone as overwhelming as him could ever invoke. I jus' had this spontaneous need to devote a whole poem to 'im, y'know. Though I don' really feel like he deserves it with how much of a mamma's boys he's become lately. But lettin' it get swept under the rug would be a waste, too. ...Aight, gimme that pen and paper. Jus' so y'know, I'm doin' this outta respect for myself, got it?"

Rutile: "A poem sounds absolutely lovely! Master Oz, how about we turn our blessings into one as well?"

Oz: ".....Come again?"

Rutile: "Let's put our feelings into words the way we feel them in our hearts! I'm sure it's going to turn out wonderfully."

Oz: "...A poem..."

Each of them grabbed a pen and began writing in excitement, exhilaration and bafflement respectively. 

CHAPTER 3

(Lake of Death)

Several days later, we headed over to the Lake of Death for the ceremony.

Mithra: "This is absolutely aggravating... Can we go home now?"

Akira: "W-We just came here... We'll go once the ceremony is complete."

Mithra had lost all instigation, evidently because he had forgotten about the ceremony altogether. Coming here and putting on the garments seemed to have been a great bother to him as well. Even now, he was sullenly scratching his elbow as he laid in an old wooden boat.

Akira: "(We have to finish the ceremony before he gets up and leaves for real...) Then, let's begin. Mithra, close your eyes."

Mithra: "Please make it quick."

To be honest, I would've preferred if he was standing up, but since I can't afford to ask for that now, I simply put my hand over Mithra's chest.

(Angelic choir)

Akira: "I'll start with Rutile's blessing... 'Your eyes are like a forest at twilight - serene, enchanting, and mysterious. You may be moody, whimsical and a little gruff, but you're our hero all the same. Precisely because of this bond we share, I want to become a source of happiness for you. I hope that you will continue to take care of us.'"

Akira: "The second one is from Oz... 'The colour of a flambeau lingering amidst a snowstorm. Those who have fallen before you have no way of telling whether it's your hair or a mirage at Heaven's door. You're an unfathomable and vicious man, just like Death itself.'"

Akira: "Next one is from Bradley... 'I shall never forget the way the blood in my entire body rushed on that fateful day an' at that place. You are like a sovereign domineering their domain with force an' fear. One day I'm gonna take ya down for sure, so dontcha dare disappoint me till then.'"

Akira: "And lastly, I would like to tell you that I feel at ease every day because I know you're here with us at the manor. Even though I'm aware living here must be a lot for you. I'm going to keep relying on you in the future. And with that, I wish you a happy birthday."

After conveying the last of our blessings, my palm gradually became warm. Mithra's eyes fluttered open.

Akira: "Well, how do you feel?"

Mithra: "..... You aren't possibly calling Oz's words a blessing, are you? I feel like I've been hexed or something."

Akira: "No, you were blessed, not cursed."

Mithra: "If you so insist... Though they sounded more like poems to me, but I suppose that's just how blessings are."

Mithra slowly got up as he clenched and unclenched his hand, rolled his shoulders, and rolled his neck.

Mithra: <Arthim>

Moments after Mithra cast his spell, one of the far-away mountains burst forth, crumbling to the ground.

Akira: "W-What are you doing!?"

Mithra: "I'm testing whether my magic has gotten stronger or not. And, I'm afraid it hasn't."

Akira: "Yes, and I'm afraid you shouldn't be destroying nature so recklessly... It's gotten pretty late, so let's go home and rest. If the ceremony has affected your injury, you might be able to sleep well tonight. And if it hasn't, I'll stay with you until you fall asleep."

Mithra: "Of course you will. Especially after forcing me to go through all this ritual business. Though I will admit it did turn out as you had predicted, and now, I can freely experiment with my powers. So, which mountain do you want me to blow up next? I'll let you choose."

Akira: "...I’m sorry?"

Mithra: "Oh, the one over there seems to be the tallest. I suppose it will do. <Arth—...>"

I promptly grabbed Mithra's hand to stop him from chanting his spell. The moment I did so, Mithra's entire body went limp and he collapsed as if he had just run out of batteries.

(Thump)

Akira: "M-Mithra!? What ha—"

Mithra: "..... Zzz..."

Akira: "..... He's... sleeping...?"

It's unusual for him to fall asleep so soundly right away, especially with how much his insomnia has been affecting him all this time. I catch myself gazing at the way his eyelashes fall comfortably on his face.

Akira: ("Did the ceremony... work? I honestly can't tell, but...")

Thankfully, even though he had fallen asleep, the spell Mithra had cast to keep us unaffected by the freezing windstorm was still holding on.

Akira: "How are we going to get him back home...?"

While pondering what to do, I glanced at Mithra's sleeping face; it seemed somehow softer and calmer than usual.

Mithra: "..... Zzz."

Finding myself at sixes and sevens unable to wake him up, I continued to gaze at the Lake of Death in all of its serenity.

A Present From Everyone // Card Episode Story

(Mithra's room)

Akira: "Is that... One of Rutile's drawings? Over there on the wall."

Mithra: "Yes. It's a portrait of me, apparently. He said that although he had offered me his blessings, he hadn't given me a present. He told me he had drawn it 'on the long side' because of how tall I am, but no matter how I look at it, it looks more like some wretched wooden stick rather than a portrait. However, it felt like an amulet of sorts, so I decided to hang it on the wall."

Akira: "Ahaha. I'm sure that would make Rutile very happy."

Mithra: "He's a little overbearing, I must say. I bet he's the reason Oz gave me a gift as well."

Akira: "Wait, even Oz gave you something!?"

Mithra: "He treated me when we were drinking at the bar. With a lot, and I mean a lot, of reluctance, though. It was weird, you know. I didn't feel like thanking him, but he wasn't dying to talk to me either. Everything about it was simply off."

Akira: ("Sounds like quite the situation...")

Mithra: "Oh, and then Bradley barged in all of a sudden and shot me with his rifle. He said we ought to celebrate my birthday with a shoot-out."

Akira: "That's one dangerous way to celebrate..."

Mithra: "You think? I personally like how predictable and typical he is. Naturally, I beat the living daylights out of him." 

[captainpikeachu]

John Walker: a study in story framing, character archetype, established canon details, and audience manipulation

There’s been a ton of discourse surrounding the character of John Walker, everyone has a lot of opinions. But having read many articles, posts, tweets, and watched reaction channels and video essays, I have found a common theme among them: a fundamental misunderstanding of the character due to the story framing.

In fact, the character of John Walker that exists in fandom discussions is more of a projection of what people think he is and what people want him to stand in for rather than the actual canonically established character that exists in the story of The Falcon and The Winter Soldier. This is why I have decided to write this post along with an episode-by-episode breakdown, because I think John Walker the character has been completely eclipsed by John Walker the symbol, lost underneath the iconography that he’s been associated with and not really given a fair look as an individual person.

I should make it clear upfront; it is not my intention with this to tell people how they should feel about a character. Whether you agree with my points or not doesn’t really matter. My hope is that this at the very least provides you with a different perspective on the character and his motivations. Maybe have you consider him in a new way.

So, let’s start from the beginning.

--------------------------------

EPISODE 1

Story framing is important, it effects our perspective as an audience, and it is deliberately controlled by the writers and filmmakers to manipulate certain emotions and impressions out of us. The Falcon and The Winter Soldier expertly does this from the very beginning by framing John Walker immediately as someone whom we should not want.

Because the music is mournful and ominous despite the celebratory occasion shown on TV.

Because Sarah is upset.

Because Sam has his fists clenched and is unhappy and suspicious, and then closes his eyes in upset.

Because when dialogues like this is delivered, the show is purposefully playing into real life iconography and feelings that already raises our hackles.

Because Sam retired the shield and the hero position, so when someone else seemingly carelessly and casually steps in waving like a propaganda piece with a gun on his hip, and a grey flag symbol that looks so close to the thin blue line flag used by cops, there is something unsettling to us even if we didn’t consciously pick up on it, we just know that it goes against what we want and what our main protagonist wants. 

Because this strange person in a Cap costume winking looks like a jerk. We didn’t ask for this. 

As it’s always said, first impressions are important. How someone first perceives you decides how someone might judge anything that you do. If someone thinks you’re an arrogant jerk, then anything you do will be colored by that impression and they will never think well of your intentions. But if their first impression of you is kind and caring, then any mistakes you made is automatically given leeway because your intentions would be well considered. And in one fell swoop, the show firmly planted into the minds of every single person watching that John Walker is an arrogant jerk espousing propaganda no one wants and everything he does is automatically suspect and questionable. 

In fact, they even go the extra step to make that very clear by how the cast credits is used. Notice the difference between the image of Walker in Episode 1 and Episode 2-6?

The red mark over his eyes, blocking him from us, not only feels foreboding, it feels as if it’s warning us. 

So, when I say that John Walker was from the beginning set up to fail, it’s because he was, the story intended for it to be. We have to hate, question, suspect, and think the worst of Walker in order for Sam’s eventual reclaiming of the shield to mean anything or have that emotional catharsis. Because nobody wants to see Sam take the shield from a nice dude, it would be bittersweet or even mean, but if the story tells us that this guy is someone we can dislike or hate right off the bat because there is something vaguely “bad” about him, then we would root for Sam to take that shield.

There is a reason we don’t get Walker’s perspective at all in his introduction. He’s just this stranger we’ve been programmed as an audience to hate. We are not treated to Walker waiting to go outside and feeling nervous, or Walker doubting himself or perhaps even not wanting to take up the shield at first when it was given to him. The purposeful lack of his perspective is done so we only feel the weight of emotions from the Wilsons being upset, because we must relate to the protagonists.

Walker is not the hero of this story, he’s not the protagonist of this story, if he was, then the story would have framed his unveiling as Captain America in a completely different way, and we would have been treated to a sympathetic look at what he was feeling about taking on the shield, we would have had an inside look at his mindset before he walked out there and looked into that camera and winked. But because we the audience lack that important context that was deliberately kept away from us, our views on Walker formed and solidified without it, and then we all stewed on those feelings for a whole week. 

By the time Episode 2 rolled around to open with Walker’s perspective, the damage was already done, it was too late, because people had already made up their mind about what kind of a person he was, and even those who might have given him a chance was just waiting for the other shoe to drop. 

The show had very clearly made sure that John Walker was always going to have an uphill battle in the eyes of the fans, however fairly or unfairly. And that deliberate and purposeful removal of his perspective and context would be the key to how the character will be misread. Because the reality is, Walker hasn’t even done anything wrong yet and people have already made assumptions just because of one wink, just because of his mere presence. There was no objective consideration that Walker winked because he understood having to put on a cheerful public facade, no consideration that he could have been told to play along nicely for the cameras and directed to look there and wink, no consideration that he didn’t ask for this job but was ordered to do so and is as much a “victim” of the government as Sam. Because the show had already used every trick in the book to make us feel bad and ominous about his presence, the audience would automatically assume the worst.

CLICK THIS LINK TO CONTINUE TO EPISODE TWO AND THE REST OF THIS 219 PAGES AND OVER 28K WORDS ANALYSIS

[variousqueerthings]

Daniel LaRusso: A Queer Feminine Fairytale Analysis Part 1 of 3

Disclaimers and trigger warnings: 

1. These fairytales are European, although there’s often overlap in themes globally. I know European fairytales better, which is essentially the reason I’m not going to branch out too far. I opted to also stick to Western movies so as not to narrow things down, but also in particular “waves hand towards all of Ghibli” amongst many others. There’s a reason the guys in Ghibli are so gender.

2. TW for discussions of rape culture and rape fantasies

EDIT: FUCK I’M A GOBLIN CHILD! FORGOT TO PUT A MASSIVE MASSIVE THANK YOU TO @mimsyaf​ WHO HAS BEEN THE NICEST, KINDEST EDITOR ON THESE THOUGHTS AND CONTRIBUTED SO MUCH TO THEM AND GENERALLY IS A WONDERFUL PERSON!

Part 2

Part 3

1. Introduction

I recently wrote a little thing, which was about Daniel as a fairytale protagonist – specifically one that goes through some of the kinds of transformations that are often associated with female protagonists of fairytales.

I used quotes from Red Riding Hood, Labyrinth, Buffy The Vampire Slayer, and Dracula, which, as an aside – the overlap between fairytales, horror, and fantasy and the ways each of those genres delve into very deep, basic questions of humanity and the world is something that will always make me feral. I will be generally sticking with fairytales though. Also I am very excited about some of those Labyrinth concepts going around!

I’m going to use “feminine” and “masculine” in both gendered (as in relating specifically to people) and non-gendered (as in relating to codes) ways throughout this, depending on context.

To be binary for a moment, because sample-sizes of other genders are low, women are usually able to fall into either feminine or masculine arcs, although sometimes the masculine-coded woman can become a “not like the other girls” stereotype and the feminine-coded woman a shallow cliché – in both cases they’re also under more scrutiny and judgement, so it’s always worth asking “is this character not working for me because of the writing or because I have ingrained biases? (Both?)”

Men don’t often get feminine-coded arcs. Because. Probably a mix of biases and bigotry. But there are some that seem to have slipped beneath the shuttered fence of “Sufficient Narrative Testosterone,” and Daniel LaRusso is one of them.

2. Some Dude Comparisons (Men Doing Manly Action-Hero Things like being trans symbolism and loving your girlfriend… seriously those things are hella manly, I wish we saw more of that onscreen…)

a. Neo

Much like Neo The Matrix, whose journey is filled with transgender subtext and specifically and repeatedly references Alice In Wonderland, Daniel doesn’t go through quite the kind of hero's journey usually associated with Yer Standard Male Hero, especially the type found in the 80s/90s.

Neo is my favourite comparison, because of the purposefulness of his journey as a trans narrative and the use of Alice. But I’m sure there are other non-traditional male heroes out there (but are they trans tho? Please tell me, I want trans action heroes).

Neo “passes” as a socially acceptable man, but online goes by a different name - the name he prefers to be known by - feels like there’s something inherently wrong about the world around him and his body’s place in that society, and then gets taken down the rabbit hole (with his consent, although without really “knowing” what he’s consenting to) to discover that it’s the world that’s wrong - not him. And by accessing this truth he can literally make his body do and become whatever he wants it to.

Yay. (The message of the Matrix is actually that trans people can fly).

Neo is – kind of like Daniel – a strange character for Very Cis Straight Guys to imprint on. He spends most of the first movie unsure about what’s going on, out of his depth, and often getting beaten up. He is compared to Alice several times and at the end he dies. He loses. He has to be woken up with true love’s kiss, in a fun little Sleeping Beauty/Snow White twist. Yes, after that he can fly, but before that he’s getting dead-named and hate-crimed by The Most Obvious Stand-In For Normativity, Agent Smith, and being carried by people far more physically capable than he is (people who also fall outside of normative existence).

Trinity and Neo in The Matrix. The fact that a lot of the time neither of them is gendered is something. Literally brought to life by true love’s kiss.

I’m not about to argue that Daniel LaRusso is purposefully written along these same thought processes, so much as the luck of the way he was written, cast, directed, acted, and costumed all came together in the right way. And this is even more obvious when compared to That Other Underdog Fite Movie That Was By The Same Director as Karate Kid.

b. Rocky

The interesting thing about Rocky is that he is (despite being a male action icon) also not written as a Traditionally Masculine person. Large portions of Rocky – and subsequent Rocky films – are his fear and insecurity about fighting vs his inability to apply his skills to another piece of work and wanting to do right by his girlfriend (and future wife), Adrian. The fighting is most often pushed onto him against his will.

Much like in Karate Kid there is barely any fighting in Rocky I. Most of it is dedicated to how much Rocky loves Adrian and the two of them getting together. The fight is – again like in Karate Kid – a necessary violence, rather than a glorified one (within the plot, obviously watching any movie like this is also partly about the badassness of some element of the violence – whether stamina or the crane kick, it’s all about not backing down against a more powerful opponent).

Rocky is played by Sylvester Stallone. He’s tough, he’s already a fighter (albeit in the movie not a great one yet), he’s taking the fight for cash – so although he’s also soft-spoken and sweet, you’re aware of the fact that he’s got those traits that’d make a male audience go “Hell Yeah, A Man,” or whatever it is a male audience does watching movies like that… cis straight men imprinting on oiled muscle men sure is a strange phenomenon, why do you wanna watch a boxing match? So you can watch toned guys groaning and grappling with each other? Because you want to feel like A Man by allowing yourself to touch the skin of other men?

Apollo and Rocky in Rocky III. This sequence also includes prolonged shots of their crotches as they run. Sylvester Stallone directed this. This was intentional. Bros.

Daniel LaRusso is not built like that. But that doesn’t really have to matter. Being smallish and probably more likely to be described as “pretty” than handsome, and not having a toxic masculine bone in his body does not a feminine archetype make. It just makes a compelling (and pretty) underdog. 

c. Daniel

So where does the main difference really lie? Between Rocky and Daniel? Well, Rocky has the plot in his hands – Daniel, largely, does not. Rocky is acting. Daniel is reacting or being pushed into situations by others. Just like our boy Neo. Just like Alice in Wonderland, Cinderella, Snow White ��� just like some of the women in some contemporary(ish) fairytale films like Buttercup (Princess Bride), Dorothy (Wizard of Oz), or Sarah (Labyrinth).

This isn’t a necessary negative about stories about girls and women, so much as looking at what it is girls and women in fairytales have/don’t have, what they want, and how they’re going to get it. It’s about power (lack of), sexuality (repressed, then liberated), men, and crossing some taboo lines. It’s also about queerness.

3. The Karate Kid Part One: Leaving Home

Daniel LaRusso is a poor, skinny, shortish kid (played by a skinny, shortish twenty-two-year old) who doesn’t fit in after having been taken away from the home he was familiar with against his will. Not every male protagonist in a fairytale leaves of his own will, and not every female protagonist leaves under duress – Red Riding Hood, for example, seems perfectly happy to enter the forest. However generally a hero is “striking out to make his fortune,” and generally a heroine is fleeing or making a bargain or being married off or waiting for help to arrive. She is often stuck (and even Red Riding Hood requires saving at some point).

Daniel then encounters a beautiful, lovely girl on the beach, puts on a red hoodie (red is significant), is beaten up by a large, attractive bully, loses what little clout he may have had with his new friends, and generally has a mostly miserable time until he befriends and is saved by Mr Miyagi. To do a little Cinderella comparison: Miyagi is the fairy godmother who pushes Daniel to go to the ball in disguise as well, and that disguise falls to pieces as he’s running away.

Then Daniel asks for help, Miyagi gets him enrolled in a Karate Tournament, and starts teaching him. Daniel wins the tournament and gets the girl, the end.

While Daniel has chutzpah and is a wonderful character, none of the big events are initiated by him, except for the initial going to the forest/beach (and within all of these events Daniel absolutely makes choices – I’m not saying he’s passive): Lucille takes them to California, Miyagi pushes him to go to the dance, Miyagi again decides to enroll him in the tournament and trains him, and only because Kreese doesn’t allow for any other option, Ali is the one who more often than not approaches Daniel, and even their first encounter is pushed by Daniel’s friends.

Daniel really is at a dance/ball in disguise and receives a flower from a girl who recognises him through said disguise, it’s unbearable! It’s adorable! I get it Ali, I fucking get it!

Daniel’s main journey within this – apart from not getting killed by karate thugs (love u Johnny <3) and kissing Ali – is to learn from Miyagi. He’s not necessarily a full-on feminine fairytale archetype at this point, although there are fun things to pull out of it, mainly in the context of later films and Cobra Kai: the subtext of karate and how that builds throughout all the stories, the red clothes, the themes of obsession, his being targeted by boys whose masculinity is more than a little bit toxic and based on shame… more on all that coming up.

He doesn’t technically get a home until they build him a room at Miyagi’s place, but he definitely leaves the woods at the end of this one, trophy lifted in the air after being handed to him by a tearful Johnny and all.

And then they made a sequel.

4. The Karate Kid Part Two: Not Out Of The Woods Yet

Daniel’s won the competition, Kreese chokes out Johnny for daring to lose and cry, more life-lessons are given (for man without forgiveness in heart…) and Daniel and Ali break-up off-screen, confirming that TKK1 was not really about the girl after all, which, despite Daniel and Kumiko having wonderful chemistry, is also an ongoing theme. Daniel enters the screen in The Most Baby-Blue Outfit seen since Tiana’s dress in Princess and the Frog? Or that dress in Enchanted? Maybe Cinderella’s (technically silver, but later depicted as blue)? 

(Sidenote: At everyone who says Sam ought to wear a callback to that suit,  you are correct and sexy).

Surprise, Miyagi’s building him a room.

Double-surprise, Miyagi needs to go to Okinawa.

Triple surprise, Daniel reveals he’s going with him, because he’s his son dammit.

The Karate Kid Part Two is maybe the least Daniel-LaRusso-Feminine-Fairytale-Protagonist of the three, because it’s not really his movie. Daniel runs around with Kumiko (aka the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen), continues to be The Best Non-Toxic Boy a middle-aged Okinawan karate master could ask for, lands himself another Built Karate Rival (twice is just a coincidence, right? Right?), and eventually doesn’t die while wearing red again – twice: When Chozen almost strangles him to death at the Miyagi dojo and then during the final fight. The Saving Of The Girl (both the little girl in the storm and Kumiko) actually puts him in a more traditional masculine space than the previous movie did, even if the main theme of the film is about compassion and kindness and by the end, once more the boy whose masculinity is built on rockhard abs and matchsticks is on his knees. Daniel just has that power over big boys. It’s called kick/punch them in the face hard enough that they see stars.

There’s an aside to be made here about how much Daniel really is an observer in other peoples stories in this, although he is the factor that sends both Chozen and Kumiko into completely different directions in life (Chozen and Kumiko main characters when?) Anyway he comes out of it presumably okay, despite being almost killed. Maybe a few therapy sessions and he’ll get over it. Too bad Terry Silver is lurking around the corner…

5. The Karate Kid Part Three: The Big Bad Wolf

Alright people have written Words about the third movie. It’s fascinating. It’s odd. It’s eye-straining. It’s like olives – you’re either fully onboard the madness or it’s too off-putting for you (or you’re like. Eh, don’t see what all the fuss is about either way...). It’s basically a non-consensual secret BDSM relationship between a guy in his thirties (played by a Very Tall twenty-seven year old Thomas Ian Griffith) and a 17/18 year old (played by a shorter twenty-eight year old Ralph Macchio).

Also recently we got more information on Mr. Griffith’s input on the uh… vibes of the film. Apparently it wasn’t just The Sweetness of Ralph Macchio’s face, the screenplay (whatever that amounted to in the first place – release the script!), the soundtrack, the direction to not tone it down under any circumstances, the fact that Macchio categorically refused to play a romance between himself and an actress who was sixteen, no: it was also TIG coming up with fun ways to torture Daniel’s character and suggesting these to the director. Clearly everyone has fun hurting Mr Macchio (including Mr Macchio).

The point is that aaallll of that amounts to that Intense Homoerotic Dubiously-Consented-To D/s subtext that haunts the movie and gives a lot of fun stuff to play with. It’s also a film that – if we’re analysing Daniel along feminine-coded fairytale lines recontextualises his role in this universe.

The Fairytale goes topsy-turvy. Through the looking glass. Enter Big Bad Wolf stage right. Karate is a metaphor for Daniel’s bisexual awakening. 

“Oh, when will an attractive man touch me in ways that aren’t about hurting me?” he asks after two movies of being hurt by boys with rippling muscles. “Why do men continue to notice me only to hit me? Do you think wearing red is making me too noticeable? Anyway, Mr Silver looked really good in his gi today.” 

Daniel’s diary must be a trip.

[bronyinabottle]

MY LITTLE PONY: A NEW GENERATION (G5 Movie) THOUGHTS

It’s finally here. The beginning of Generation 5. Though before I get into the movie in some detail I’m going to reiterate one more time what G5 means for my content and a non-spoilery summary of the movie.

Again, I will say that the movie nor will the G5 series coming later have much of an effect at all on any of my blogs. The revelation in Secrets of the Dragon’s Tear that life itself is also magic means that a world that implied to have no magic for years would mean the extinction of all life (Perhaps resulting in the wasteland we saw in the Season 5 finale). There may be something I’ll probably do at some point on a certain different blog. But even then, that may likely be a one-time thing and probably come around the time the series is starting to air.

That said, just because I’m continuing with mainly G4 content doesn’t mean I disapprove of G5. In fact, my non-spoilers thoughts on the movie is I think it is a good start for this new generation. There are questions I have that I’m not sure will be answered (Though many of those questions are the same ones I had in my Trailer/Preliminary thoughts) quickly enough. But the movie is structured well enough, in fact it’s probably a better movie as a whole compared to any of the movies G4 had (The 2017 movie, Rainbow Roadtrip, and all 4 Equestria Girls movies). As the 2017 movie was fun, but it jumped around a lot, sometimes scenes transitioning too fast. And while Rainbow Roadtrip may have been this on purpose, the entirely slice-of-life story taking up a long length… made it something of a less interesting plot to follow. It feels like some of that special could of been cut to at least a two-parter length and keep the same beats they hit. And while i have a soft spot for the 3rd and 4th Equestria Girls movies, I’ll always say a full-length pony adventure feels better suited for what I want to see out of MLP then spin-off movies with high school movie cliches and weird pony/human world shenanigans.

So movie-wise I’m not a G4 purist. It’ll take some time to see how Gen 5 compares to Friendship is Magic when we get to the series. As I feel it’d take a lot for it to surpass G4 in my mind. But I’m going to try to be as fair as possible and judge on it’s own merits. The implied connection to G4 by referring to G4 being ancient Equestria is going to naturally get the staff and hasbro pressured by fans to tell us what happened in-between the generations. Because that’s the trap they put the writers in when they made it so they want to try to say it’s in the same universe. That’s the double-edged sword Hasbro chose to have, trying to appease the G4 fanbase and keep at least some of them around. But at the cost of questions both nitpicky (Such as character design being inconsistent) or actual honest questions that need to be known (Why did magic disappear, and what happened to the Alicorns) for some of us to truly see this as the same Equestria.

After the break, I’ll have more spoilery thoughts

Even for a brief moment, it was nice seeing the Mane 6 and 2D animation. The former because of course those are the ponies many of us that saw all of G4 loved. And the latter, because while the animation wasn’t bad in this movie. I’m one of those who’d prefer to have 2D animation in an animated film. As in most cases aside from Pixar, it’s just a strong preference of mine. If this had the animation of the 2017 MLP movie but otherwise everything else was generally the same here, I feel that would of have been great.

I wish they didn’t have to have Sunny’s dad die off-screen, as he seems like he could of been a compelling character. And not to mention if perhaps he has any connection the “ancient” days in any fashion. But *sigh* I get it, it’s an old trope where part of the character’s offscreen growth is not having their parent(/s) around.

On a side note there’s quite a few times during the beginning of the movie that somewhat foreshadow what happens to Sunny later. 3 times where she had a fake horn and wings on her. Once in the flashback, then 2 separate times when she’s doing her protest where she has her own costumed wings and horn. As well as the helmet and mechanical wings.

Also, there’s no way around it. Some of the discussions this movie are going to get quite political. (Namely one part of Sunny’s song that could be seen as having a double meaning of a jab at Trumpsts regarding “Building your wall”) From the very premise in the early times, we know that the inspiration for the story was last year’s Black Lives Matter protests. Which honestly, I do support the message they’re going for. Having an anti-racism message to tell kids from the very beginning and making a focus on it is important when in G4 it only got briefly touched upon in Bridle Gossip and the Heath’s Warming Eve play. Although it certainly rose up to some form of prominence with Season 8 and onward. Still, while you can argue if G4 executed the anti-racism message well. it does come with something of a problem that the series finale left Equestria in the least divided it’s ever been.

And personally, I feel it’s a terrible interpretation of time to say “Well, it’s a realistic take. Racism has existed for years in our world. Same should go for the ponies” and while yes, racism is still rampant in today’s world. That said, that ignores that if we went from The Last Problem to the start of G5. There’s a huge difference between our world and Equestria. There is no ancient civilization that we look at like “Yeah, those were the golden days of world peace” when normally the “Golden age” was reserved for the high classes of Ancient Greece or Rome. It was most decidedly not perfect, with slavery rampant and wars for the sake of expanding an empire. While if you look at The Last Problem’s Equestria, you not only have peace between the three main types of ponies. But you literally have non-pony citizens in Equestria. You can see a dragon handing off a flower to a pony which can imply cross-species romantic relations. With the Friendship school still going strong, and was the reason that the world was saved in The Ending of the End. While perhaps it may be too glowing to say that future is perfect for everyone even in-universe. It’s certainly a hell of a lot better outlook then comparing to how we view even the so called Golden age of ancient civilizations. The Last Problem’s Equestria implies it looks to ally with every country outside of Equestria, not conquer them.

So it should still be a valid question on just how this world collapses to the point it gets to where G5 is at the start. I at least assume that it’s not the fault at all of any of the Mane 6 nor Twilight. Or at least I hope it isn’t, as I’d rather the MLP fanbase not have to deal with a The Last Jedi Luke Skywalker situation. (Where after the joyful end of the original trilogy, things go wrong as Luke almost murders the son of one of his best friends and his sister despite trying to hard and succeeding at redeeming his father who at that point in the canon was a galaxy-wide known ruthless mass-murderer.) I assume we’re at a point where everyone of the Mane 6 sans maybe Twilight are presumed dead. And even in Twilight’s case, there’s a chance that G5 decides to say that G4 overestimated the whole Alicorn immortality thing. Though I wouldn’t put it past Hasbro to have some event where the Mane 5 of G5 meet the Mane 6 in some special event whether that’s a a Season finale or a sequel movie/special. Where either the Mane 6 return in a limbo situation similar to the Pillars at the end of Season 7 or Time travel gets involved. They may even string us along on answering just what in the heck happened until they involve a meet-up with the Mane 6 in that way. Though I hope they don’t, I’d really like the beginning of the series (Or I guess this supposed special coming up in Spring supposedly?) starts to answer some questions. G5 should get a chance to stand on it’s own, but I hope the writers are actually well aware there will be so many questions people have and address them in the show. A cynical part of me feels like they’re likely to string us along until at least the Season 1 finale.

Onto the characters for a bit. I think Izzy Moonbow was absolutely the most stand-out character in the whole movie. She was energetic, funny, and aside from “The pegasi are bad news” she along with Zipp and Sunny were the most averse to the way the world was. She was already the most popular due to the tennis ball memes. But now it feels like she legit stands on her own and most certainly deserves to be the most popular character of G5 thus far. Behind her in a bit of a surprise to me was Zipp, who I thought would be mainly a Rainbow Dash-expy. Though she really helps out Izzy and Sunny in Zephyr Heights. Despite having Twilight be my favorite pony from the very beginning of G4 all the way to the end, I didn’t feel as strongly about Sunny for some reason. So she’s in the middle of the pack, she could grow on me later. I just don’t know if I click with her as much as I did with Twilight. As for the last two, while I don’t hate either of them. Either one could be the lowest of the 5 for one reason or another. Pipp (Although I will say she's probably my favorite character design out of the 5) feels like she doesn’t do a whole lot in the movie and it takes until she’s forced to be an outlaw because the other choice was to get imprisoned like her mother was. So she may come off as quite pretentious, though it’s arguable Rarity was the same way early in G4. But she definitely grew later. Could be the same case for Pipp. And as for Hitch, he has shining moments in the film. But what might hurt him is the fact he was such a bad friend to Sunny up until the campfire scene. “I’m the last real friend you have. You really want to lose me too?” is not a healthy friendship. Hitch may have been Sunny’s friend the longest, but it definitely feels like Izzy connected immediately. I don’t know if this show will get into shipping any of the main characters between each other mid-show, but if they do. I hope it’s between Izzy and Sunny currently, cause Hitch and Sunny just gives bad vibes even with Hitch getting better later.

None of the songs I felt were particularly too special. Though I think the closest was Sprout’s “Danger, Danger” song that has similarities to Smells Like Teen Spirit in some parts of the song since I tend towards more rock/metal-esque music.

I touched upon it earlier, but there’s perhaps a stand-out reason for why the G5 movie outdid the 2017 MLP Movie. They have the typical “Our heroic group splits after a sad moment before coming together again for the climatic good end” in Sunny seeing that that the two crystals don’t instantly bring magic back, and when Twilight left the group after an argument that happened with Twilight trying to take a pearl. They perform the same purpose in the movie. But the crystals not working, crushing Sunny’s hope for a little while works better into the story. Where as Twilight’s part frustratingly brought the sea pony scene to an end too quickly and/or doesn’t feel right of Twilight to have done that. It felt forced in the 2017 movie, but works out in the G5 movie. Especially since a part of it is that it’s not the crystals themselves capable of bringing magic back. But it’s the journey going after the crystals that brings the ponies themselves their magic back.

Just a small note on dictator Sprout, he tries to cause a war. Though admittedly the film seems to treat him as a joke the entire time despite his seriously evil ambitions. With the only repercussions is he gets a wishy-washy answer on if he was a good sheriff from his mom. I don’t quite know how I feel about that yet, but I wonder what they’ll have in mind for Sprout given his actions. He and his mom are the only ones that feel like a true antagonist. Though they seem to be ok with things fast when the magic comes back.

But anyway on to the ending, we see that Sunny becomes an Alicorn. Which I guess with no other real Alicorns around, I guess it makes sense to alicornify her since she’s the real leader behind what united the leaders of each type of pony again. Though there is of course this weird thing where her horn and wings don’t seem like as much a part of her body compared to very obvious connected wings on Twilight when she got hers. Sunny keeps her horn and wings to the end of the movie, and has colored streaks in her hair. Though I do wonder if that;s truly permanent. If it is permanent, I suppose at least they got to have a headstart and have it established at the end of the introductory movie rather then have it shock people at the end of a shortened 3rd season. I still feel like Twilight had well earned her alicornhood considering that besides what she did in the series. She has a whole childhood and time as a teenager learning under Celestia. Which had to mean something, and I’m not sure Celestia just leaving her to live the rest of her days with her friends in ponyville was that. Sunny has no doubt been trying countless time to try to spread friendship throughout her life even after the tragedy of her father’s passing. So there’s no doubt she’s been through a lot, and may indeed be worthy of being an Alicorn at this point. Though in terms of screentime before Alicornhood it's definitely a lot less then Twilight had. And it is at least nice to see that it is possible for non-unicorns to become one. (The only case of that we sort of got was a children's book that may or may not be canon that implied Cadence was a pegasus before she ascended)

Though you have to wonder if the visual differences such as Sunny’s alicorn horn and wings, the cutie mark only on one side (Yes I know that’s how it was normally in the MLP generations before G4. But a distinct visual difference between shows is still noticeable even if the context of G4’s cutie marks on both sides of the flank was about it being easier on the puppets for Flash), and how animals can have wings or weird round shapes such as those bunnies when G4 has normal looking animals. There’s enough striking visual differences for any nitpicky G4 to say “This isn’t the same Equestria”. And if someone tries to say maybe some sort of evolution happened. That’s still trying to put a little too much real world logic on this fantasy world. And evolution tends to take millions of years to have such dramatic changes. Not 1000 years or so, there should still be normal looking animals at this point and time. And these small details are probably going to be the things most ignored but nonetheless can build a case that this isn’t the same Equestria. Even if they touch on the important questions like how magic disappeared and what happened to the Mane 6, there will be details they make different that will add to the case that this is it’s own universe if it doesn’t quite matchup with what was remembered about G4. There will be fans who will be that nitpicky to call G5 out of continuity for small details like that. That is again the trap they put themselves in when they decided to try to say it’s the same Equestria.

All-in-all though, I think that’s at least a good enough chunk about my thoughts on the movie to end off here. If there’s something I missed or something from the movie you’d like me to give a particular opinion about or elaborate on something feel free to ask me here. G5 is indeed off to a good start, just I will be along the many hoping some questions get answered sooner then later. And I’m not sure I’m confident in getting anywhere until a Season finale or a 2nd movie. And it’ll be a year before the series starts proper (Though again I guess there’s a 44 minute special coming in Spring to try to hold us over). But I could definitely see G5 finding it's own following, now there's just the inevitable clashes between some of the more vocal fans of each generation bickering at eachother. But hoping there will be enough that take the movie's lessons on divisiveness to heart and be able to enjoy both even if there may be preferences.

[him-e]

what did you think of shadow and bone? have you read the books? i only read the duology

Thoughts on Shadow and Bone, now that you've probably seen it?

I think the show is alright? It lacks a real wow factor as far as I’m concerned, but it’s enjoyable. It’s especially enjoyable in those parts I didn’t anticipate to like / didn’t even know would be there. 

Whereas the main selling points leave a lot to be desired.

The good stuff: the visuals. The aesthetic. The overall concept. Production, casting and costumes are excellent, the setting is fascinating. The worldbuilding isn’t perfect and is sometimes confusing, which is probably due to the show jumping ahead of the books and introducing elements that happen much later in the book saga, but I’m loving the vague steampunk-y vibe of it mixed with more typical fantasy stuff and slavic-inspired lore, the fact that it’s set in dystopian Russia rather than your usual ye olde England.

I find it interesting that in this ‘verse the Grisha are simultaneously superstars, privileged elite, legendary creatures and despised outcasts, according to the context and the type of magic they wield. It’s A Lot, and so far it’s all a bit underdeveloped and messy, like a patchwork of different narratives and tropes sewn together without an organic worldbuilding structure. (there are hints to a past when they were hunted, but how did they go from that to being, essentially, an institutionalized asset to the government isn’t clear yet. There’s huge narrative potential in this, and I hope future seasons will delve into those aspects)

Many of the supporting characters are surprisingly solid. I appreciated that Genya and Zoya eventually sort of traded places, subverting the audience’s assumptions about them and their own character stereotypes, despite the little screentime they were given.

Breakout characters/ships for me were Nina/Matthias, and even more so the Crows, i.e. the stuff I didn’t see coming and knew nothing about (having only read the first book). (I thought the entire Crows subplot was handled in a somewhat convoluted way, at least in the first episodes; it was hard to keep track of who wanted Alina and why, but the Crows’ chemistry is so strong it carried the whole Plot B on its shoulders).

HELNIK. As an enemies to lovers dynamic, Helnik was SUPER on the nose, I’d say bordering on clichéd with the unapologetic, straight outta fanfiction use of classic tropes like “we need to team up to survive” and “there’s only one bed and we’ll freeze to death if we don’t take our conveniently damp clothes off and keep each other warm with the heat of our naked bodies” (not that I’m complaining, but i like to pine for my ships a bit before getting to the juicy tropetown part, tyvm). And then they’re suddenly on opposite sides again because of a tragic misunderstanding - does Bardugo hate high-conflict dynamics? It certainly seems so, because between Helnik and Darklina I’m starting to see a pattern where the slow burn and blossoming mutual trust is rushed and painted in broad, stereotypical strokes to get as fast as possible to the part where they *hate each other again* and that’s... huh. Something.

^That’s probably why I’m almost more interested in Kaz x Inej, because their relationship feels a bit more nuanced, a bit more mysterious, and a bit more unpredictable. (I didn’t bother spoiling myself about them, so I really don’t know where they’re going, but it’s refreshing to see a dynamic that the narrative isn’t scrambling to define in one direction or the other as quickly as possible)

-

Now, as for Darklina VS Malina... I found exactly what I expected. 

Both are ship dynamics I’m, on principle, very much into (light heroine/dark villain, pining friends to lovers) but both are also much less interesting than they claim to be, or could have been with different narrative choices. I’ll concede that the show characters are all more fleshed out and likable than their book counterparts, and the cringe parts I vaguely remembered from the books played out differently. And, well, Ben Barnes dominates the scene, he’s hot as HELL, literally every single second he’s on screen is a fuck you to Bardugo’s attempts to make his character lame and uninteresting and I’m LOVING it, lol.

But yeah, B Barnes aside, Darklina is intrinsically, deliberately made to be unshippable. 

It makes me mad, because it’s - archetypally speaking - made of shipping dynamite: yin/yang-sun and moon, opposites attract, COMPLEMENTARY POWERS AND SO ON. And what does Bardugo do with these ingredients? A FUCKING DELIBERATE DISASTER:

^ Placing the kiss so early on (season 1, episode five) effectively kills the romantic tension that was (correctly) building up until that point, and leaves the audience very little to still hope for, in terms of emotional evolution of the dynamic. 

Bardugo lays all the good stuff down as early and quickly as possible (the bonding, the conflicted attraction, the recognizing the other as one’s equal, etc) only to turn the tables and pull the rug so y’all sick creepyshippers won’t have anything to look forward to, because THEY’VE ALREADY HOOKED UP AND THAT BELONGS TO THE PAST, IT’S OVER, THEY’RE ENEMIES. This, combined to the fact that she falls for him *without* knowing who he really is, is the opposite of what I want from a heroine/villain ship (it’s basically lovers to enemies, and while that can be valid too, I wanted to see more pining and more prolonged, tormented symbolic attraction to the Shadow/Animus on Alina’s part). 

But here’s the trick: it’s not marketed as lovers to enemies - it has all the aesthetics and trappings of an enemies to lovers (the Darkling is, from the get go, villain-presenting, starting from his name), so it genuinely feels like a trollfic, or at the very least a cautionary tale *against* shipping the heroine with the tall dark brooding young villain, and I don’t think it’s cool at all. It makes the story WAY less interesting, because it humanizes the villain early on (when it’s not yet useful or poignant to the story, because it’s unearned) but it’s a red herring. The real plot twist is that the villain shouldn’t be sympathized with, just defeated: there’s a promise of nuanced storytelling, that is quickly denied and tossed aside. So is the idea of incorporating your Shadow (a notion that Bardugo must be familiar with, otherwise she wouldn’t have structured Alina and the Darkling as polar opposites who complement each other, but that she categorically refutes)

Then we have Malina. The good ship.

Look, I’m not that biased against it. I don’t want to be biased on principle against a friends to lovers dynamic that antagonizes a heroine/villain one, because every narrative is different, and for personal reasons I can deeply relate to the idea of being (unspeakably) in love with your best friend. So there are aspects of Malina that I can definitely be into, but it troubles me that in this specific context it’s framed as a regression. It’s Alina’s comfort zone, a fading dream of happiness from an idealized childhood, to sustain which the heroine systematically stunts her growth and literally repressed her own powers, something that in the books made her sickly and weak. But the narrative weirdly romanticizes this codependency, often making her tunnel vision re: going back to Mal her primary goal and centering on him her entire backstory/motivation, to the point that when she starts acting more serious re: her powers and alleged mission to destroy the Fold, it feels inorganic and unearned. 

Mal is intrinsically extraneous to Alina’s powers, he doesn’t share them, he doesn’t understand them, he has little to offer to help her with them, and so the feeling is that he’s also extraneous to her heroine’s journey, aside from being a sort of sidekick or safe harbor to eventually come back to. People have compared him to Raoul from Phantom of the Opera, and yeah, he has the same ~magic neutralizer~ vibe, tbh.

The narrative also polarizes Mal’s normalcy and relative “safety” against Aleksander’s sexy evil, framing Alina’s quasi-platonic fixation on the former as a better and purer form of love than her (much more visible and palpable) attraction to the latter. This is exacerbated by the show almost entirely relying on scenes of them as kids to convey their bond. I’m sure there are ways to depict innocent pining for your best friend that don’t involve obsessively focusing on flashbacks of two CHILDREN running in a meadow and looking exactly like brother and sister. LIKE. I get it, they’re like soulmates in every possible way, BUT DO THEY WANT TO KISS EACH OTHER?

Which brings me to a general complain: for a young adult saga centering on a young heroine and full of so many hot people, this story is weirdly unsexy? There are a lot of shippable dynamics, but they’re done in such a careless, ineffective way that makes ZERO EFFORT to work on stuff like slow burn, pining and romantic tension, and when it does it’s so heavy handed that the viewer doesn’t feel encouraged at all to fill the blanks with their imagination and start anticipating things (which is, imo, the ESSENCE of shipping). The one dynamic that got vaguely close to this is, again, Kaz and Inej, and coincidentally it’s also the one we didn’t get confirmed as romantic YET. Other than that, where’s the slow burn? What ship am I supposed to agonize over during the hiatus to season two? Has shipping become something to feel ashamed of, like an embarrassing relative you no longer want to invite in your home?

Anyway, back to Alina/Darkling/Mal, this is how the story reads to me:

girl suspects to be special, carefully pretends to be normal so she can stay with Good Boy

the girl’s powers eventually manifest; she’s forcibly separated from Good Boy

the girl’s powers attract Bad Boy who is her equal and opposite but is also a major asshole

girl initially falls for Bad Boy; has to learn a hard lesson that nobody that sexy will ever want her for who she is, he’s just trying to exploit her

also, no, there is no such thing as a Power Couple

girl is literally given a slave collar by Bad Boy through which he harnesses her power (a parody of the Twin Scars trope)

you know how the story initially suggested that the joint powers of Darkness and Light would defeat evil? LOL NO, Darkness is actually evil itself and the way you destroy evil is using Light to destroy Darkness, forget that whole Jungian bullshit of integrating your shadow, silly!

conclusion: girl realizes being special sucks. She was right all along! Hiding and suppressing her powers was the best choice! She goes back to the start, to the same Good Boy she was meekly pining for prior to the start of the story.

... there’s an uncomfortable overall subtext that reads a lot like a cautionary tale against - look, not just against darkships and villain/heroine pairings, but also *overpowered* heroines and, well... change? Growth?

Like, it’s certainly a Choice that Alina starts the story *already* in love with Mal. That she always knew it was him. The realization could have happened later (making the dynamic much more shippable, too), but no. 

[why-this-kolaveri-machi]

it wasn’t power i coveted; it was acceptance.

Titans 3.06

y’know, i was just thinking the other day that 1.06/1.07 and 2.06/2.07 were the best episodes of their respective seasons, so i have great hopes going in to this one. fingers crossed!

as always, typing this up as i see the episode.

SPOILERS AHEAD

1. oh! um... that was a Cold Open, all right. *nudges* get it? cold? because it’s snowing? and two people got murdered in cold blood? eh?

... oh, i’ve just started.

1.5. i wonder if “i want to be sipping pina coladas on a beach with you” is the new “i’m just one day away from retiring.” i was so on edge after that--i kept expecting that car to explode. even so, the way they died wasn’t an anticlimax: brutal, and quick. 

1.75. so i’m assuming that’s the titular lady vic! this show better bring up why this doll was important or why these two cops needed to be killed, and not leave it to the ether like jericho’s little mindscape jaunt in 2.08 (i’m still dying to know what that was about???)

2.

i love how deliberately unappealing wayne manor is. 

(sorry for the pic quality. i don’t have hbo max! ssshhh.)

2.3. i love the many references to “home” and “our house” when they’ve been here for less than a week and saw one of their friends get blown into pieces. i mean, i unironically love it: home is where family is, after all!

2.5. i’d like to say that kom is playing some sort of long game here, especially given the build-up we had last season and some of the more niggling details this season: why did kom choose now to use her bond to lure kory when she’s been on earth for months? why did justin call kory now, just around the time that she started getting kom’s visions? and what about kom’s ability to exactly imitate other people? hmmm.

2.75. the reason i wrote i’d like to say is that i’ve made the mistake of assuming plot complexity where there is none; i was so invested in the jason todd orchestrated his own death theory for instance, when it turns out that oops! ra’s al ghul just happened to leave a little lazarus puddle in gotham, and oh yeah! scarecrow just happens to have a network of henchmen working for him on the outside and a fully functional laboratory and a weapons cache fit for a new supervillain in the basement of the high security psychiatric unit/prison that he’s in! 

(no i’m not bitter, why do you ask)

2.8. iiiii don’t know what to say about the implications of sex slavery being a thing on tamaran, so i’m not going to say anything at all. for now.

3. gotham, six years ago... wasn’t it five years before s2 that jericho died and the titans disbanded? and when was the flashback from 1.06 where dick let zucco die? i think it was after the events of 2.08: jericho? i can’t seem to find any transcripts or reliable information online, so i’m going to have to rewatch 1.06 at some point. 

(i love the old-fashioned batman music in this heist scene)

3.5. “security is a joke... it’s my way of keeping my dad on his toes”. what you’re an ethical thief now, like an ethical hacker? i don’t think that excuse is going to sell, barbara, on the day you do encounter a decent security system and your father is forced to arrest you.

(then again, gotham’s security is piss-poor. did you know that you could just walk into arkham asylum without any official clearance, ply one of its most dangerous inhabitants with contraband, and said inmate could get away with having an entire laboratory and weapons cache--NO I’M NOT GOING TO LET THIS GO)

3.8 so that flashback between dick and barbara was really cute! and also illuminating:

a) dick sounds so light, so... um. look. i have some apologies to tender to mr thwaites, because while i’ve always thought he does a fine job as dick grayson, i’ve never been terribly fond of his cadence as he delivers dialogue. it’s often monotonous, i thought, but then again, he’s usually delivering exposition or dealing with one soul-crushing crisis or the other. so i was pleasantly surprised to hear dick sound so carefree and alive in his conversation with barbara, laughing frequently, his emotions so bare and bubbling to the surface. it’s really a fantastic contrast to the traumatised and world-weary dick grayson that we see now, even more so than the costume department just bunging a backwards-baseball cap on mr thwaites’ head and hoping that will convince us of his relative youth. 

b) and god, when he wakes up from that memory, all alone in his bed, bleeding from bullet holes in his shoulder (bullet holes that are--in a somewhat convoluted way--barbara’s fault)? yikes. it’s great. you have my apologies, mr thwaites!

c) can you imagine dick just... crawling back to wayne manor, trying not to be seen by anybody, shedding his suit and just... collapsing onto his bed without even tending to his wound? the sheer emotional and physical exhaustion of it? 

d) it’s so interesting to see how barbara and dick approach the idea of legacy--a big theme on the show!--in this flashback. barbara is the one bucking the idea that she should follow in her father’s footsteps, while dick seems pretty content with the batman-and-robin setup, and even tries to get barbara to join their team (robin-girl. pfffft). obviously after this several traumatic things happen wherein dick ends up questioning and then resenting his role as robin, his relationship with batman or even returning as a vigilante at all. and barbara... ends up replacing her father as commissioner. it’s tragic, really. 

e) the dynamic between dick and barbara in the flashback reminds me of how it was between dick and donna in 1.08 and even between kory and dick in early s1. it’s like having an older, strong-willed woman by his side means he gives over the steering wheel for a while and lets himself... unspool, a little bit. it’s kinda endearing.

also:

*pinches his cheeks*

3. you know, we talk about dick and Eldest Daughter Syndrome, and that’s definitely valid, but here gar seems to me the embodiment of it, with all the emotional gardening and firefighting that he’s expected to do. he’s kind of the guy expected to keep his shit together and take care of everyone else while they are falling completely to pieces, unable to carve out time to process his own trauma. he’s also picked up dick’s and kory’s tendencies to bottle up their struggles and shun appearing vulnerable, and he’s struggling in the shadow of both dick and kory undergoing acute crises, his best friend (and frequent confidante) on the other side of the world, and seeing hank die, utterly helpless to stop it. 

i’m glad that he got a chance to tell dick even a smidgeon of what he really feels, and i hope this is at least a semblance of a wake up call for dick to actually sit down and work with the people he repeatedly calls family.

3.5. it’s heartening to see that dick immediately makes it his priority to go talk to gar. but don’t blow off kory in the process, man!

4. i’m really loving this dynamic between kom and conner--i get the idea that both of them consider each other as Unknowns, alien two times over. but conner’s only ever known the titans, who embrace being different, and kom’s only ever known... well. 

anyway, kory is Really Stressed, and honestly? #relatable. 

when you’re forced to bring an estranged family member to hang out with your friends...

4.5. i love that the titans are spending so much time in the kitchen. a real family!

5. jonathan crane is a creep and i absolutely cannot stand him.

5.25. how did he get a whole lab setup (in the basement of a hospital...?) with a bunch of whitecoats to work for him? how did he just waltz into the viewing room of an operation theatre when he’s one of the most wanted men in gotham right now? why is jason wandering around maskless when--presumably--as the adopted son of the most famous person in gotham he’d be a tad more recognisable than your average joe?

why do i expect this show to answer anything anymore?

5.5. that’s not necessarily a criticism, mind; i’ve said since season 1 that titans is very comics-like in this aspect, all about the Aesthetic and the splash-page splendour rather than the niggling unimportant details of how or when the characters got to said location. like. the camera gliding over the operation being set-up, lady vic bursting in and doing her murder dance (imagine the luck of the poor intern who chose this day and this surgery to assist) and jason, shocked and slack-jawed, framed by blood.

5.75. it’s a sobering reminder for jason that, though he chose this path in order to gain control over a world that seemed like it was rapidly spinning out of his grip, he’s only succeeded in handing over even more control to a man with an agenda that is very clearly not aligned with his own. he’s in too far to stop now, though.

5.9. i have a lot more thoughts about jason! saving it up for the end of this recap, though.

6. more kitchen time! i better see dick do some cooking soon...

(”our kitchen”! it still delights me! kitchens are So Important)

6.25. so much of dick’s issues have revolved around his relationship with bruce, so it’s completely understandable that in the wake of a huge crisis where bruce literally asks dick to replace him and be a “better” him, dick would default to all the worst things he learned from the man. and i’m glad kory’s having none of it, but come on, guys. the woman’s literally fetched her fratricidal sister out of a hole in the ground with no idea what said sister is going to do next and experiencing a burgeoning sense of guilt far, far beyond her history with the titans, and dick’s too far into his autocolonoscopy that he can’t see that she needs help.

6.5. “he services your urges”--well, as far as we know, kory is the last person he had sex with...

7. “i hope [gar] isn’t angry with me...” SIR! i thought you’d already spoken to him! smh, as the kids say. kory wouldn’t be needing to reassure you if you just took the effort to build two way emotional relationships with the rest of the team. @superohclair​ was taking about dick’s relatively low emotional intelligence? i agree.

7.5. “i got my own problems [...] you and barbara? fix it.” YOU TELL HIM, KORY

8. man i really like this weird, sad tension between dick and barbara--this sense that both of them are approaching the other based on how they remember them and are ultimately disappointed by the truth. barbara thought she could trust dick to... well, be a better batman, but dick has not only failed at that in her eyes, but repeatedly undermined her while exploiting the authority that she gave him. in dick’s eyes, this is nothing like the barbara that he knew, rebellious and ready to do whatever it takes to find something. 

like. this show sometimes really hits me in the chest about the ways it shows kids grow into adults and into caretakers, and the way it’s stop-start, the ways nothing can happen at all for a long time and then it’s Crisis Central all at once and there’s no space to breathe. the weird sort of sadness that comes with nostalgia. 

8.5. oracle name drop! i agree with barbara, any system that can just randomly tap into gotham phonelines is a monster.

8.7. (i don’t know if it’s my imagination, but is dick holding himself... differently in this episode? like that wound is definitely bothering him, and he’s running on fumes)

9. man, that was a really sweet scene between kom and conner. “feeling alien in your own world”... “not quite here nor there”

honestly this team runs on conner and gar’s faith in their value as a family, and it’s a sign of conner’s generous heart that he extends that opportunity to blackfire. this arc of maturation for him, where he’s now able to consciously choose which parts of himself he can use to do the thing he wants to so--save people--has been so fulfilling to recognise. this baby’s grown with the titans! and what he’s learnt is that people can get fucked up, but the titans is a place where they can be fucked up, and grow.

MY MAN CONNER

10. oh man i’m drinking in the gar-dick interaction in this episode like i’m three days into the desert and it’s the only source of water for miles around!

a) gar is absolutely not dealing with dick’s bullshit this episode and I LOVE IT. it’s such a far cry from the man who was idolising dick/robin back in s1 and expecting him to solve all their problems. dick is fallible, dick is fucked up, but he Tries His Best and that’s ok.

b) dick, huffing and puffing through that vent, unable to put any pressure on his left shoulder, trying to have a heart to heart with gar... fuck i love this asshole. 

c) bruce took in a kid who was suffering... “and made him into a weapon”. well. i absolutely agree with dick that it was bruce who put these kids into these horrible situations with him and they came away with a bucketload of trauma to add to the one that they already had. but we know that bruce was really trying with jason, and at the end of s2, dick was coming to acknowledge that bruce had offered him something that wasn’t just darkness. jason’s death and bruce’s reaction to that shattered that fragile progress.

d) “gotham got to me too.” i feel more sympathetic towards dick running off on his own than most, and it’s not just because i’m an unapologetic stan.  we’ve seen before that dick... devolves when overwhelmed, and he lashes out and makes ill thought out decisions and just Does Not Deal. it happened after hearing the news that deathstroke had returned in s2, and it didn’t help that everyone around him was reeling at the news, either. this time, however, he has his salvation in his family, and despite some stupid decisions like running off and kidnapping supervillains without telling his team, he’s been really on the ball this season. thinking clearly and logically, holding it together and working on a plan, thinking two steps ahead of the villains... yes.

e) gar needing to believe that jason isn’t beyond redemption... there’s a lot of blood on his hands, too, from when he was manipulated by cadmus last season. it makes sense why he’d relate to jason’s predicament, and i hope dick picked up on that.

f) my head just added a plaintive ow after dick jumped feet first into the storage room

i need, crave gifs of this scene!

11. *sits on hands* i’m going to talk more about red hood, i promise!

12. more gar and dick! is it my birthday??!!

(actually, according to the tamil calendar, it is my birthday! my “star” birthday)

12.5. excellent. dick using some implausible training that bruce taught him to solve a mystery? passing some of that knowledge onto gar? that proud smile when he sees gar perfectly execute moves that he taught him? MY HEART IS EXPLODING

13. aw, i love flashback!dick and barbara, they’re so cute <3

13.25. why does it not surprise me that the way he proposes a relationship to barbara is by saying “we make sense”? this guy can deduce exactly who was present where and what weapon they were holding from a garbled audio recording but other times he’s utterly clueless, and that’s a consistent character beat right from s1

13.5. so.... that’s why lady vic has it out for... barbara....? i don’t get it. it’s flimsy. but hey! the fun thing about titans is that i don’t have to get it. the payoff has nothing to do with the plot.

14. i can’t believe that barbara fell for that, but at least that wheelchair fight looked awesome, so.

15. oh yeah, i forgot that red hood bullied the mob into helping him and scarecrow... at least that explains the whitecoats and the elaborate set-up.

15.5. honestly i love how this dynamic between kory and kom is developing, though i wish more of the team would pay attention to it. time to call justin, i think!

16. i wonder what happened after that second flashback where barbara got hurt during that heist. did she give up on doing any more (maybe jim caught her)? was it because dick was called away by bruce and then the titans and got caught up in his own issues? maybe barbara froze him out because she wasn’t looking for the relationship that he was looking for? maybe the idea of doing that with someone turning into batman-lite was just... unappealing? scary?

whatever it is, it doesn’t look like dick ever processed the end of that relationship. it’s very intriguing to see where their dynamic goes next.

17. so.... what, did vic deliver some fear toxin to barbara? i... what?

17.5. and i TOLD YOU that they would never explain that doll or why vic attacked those two cops at the beginning! oh, titans. never change. 

18. did jason just randomly have tim’s restaurant burgled? god, i’m feeling a bit nauseous... are they going to kill tim’s father?

18.25. i feel like the rest of the season is going to wrestle with jason’s culpability in the horrible stuff he’s doing and i’m already seeing that prospect divide fans. on one hand, his story is taking a lot of oxygen away from other equally interesting story arcs, and he’s done some truly awful things, like indiscriminate murder, threatening to kill children, blowing up hank, and potentially killing tim’s parents. 

there’s something to be said for the kind of hold that crane has over him, and the so-called ‘anti-fear’ drug that he keeps plying jason with--he’s alone, drugged almost constantly (to the level of dependence), fresh from the trauma of being bludgeoned to death. he hasn’t conquered fear; he’s ruled by it. on the other hand, given that he’s the one character on the show given an obvious and identifiable ‘mental illness’ arc (maaaaybe dick too), one can argue that it’s irresponsible to show this progress into such violence: jason was vulnerable because he was struggling, and that left him vulnerable, but it took only a push before he became a fucking serial killer.

but that could mean we underestimate the degree of that vulnerability, and the mechanics of this universe where he fell into the clutches of the one supervillain perfectly designed to exploit that vulnerability. that helpless spiral into further and further self-destruction is all too real. it’s valuable to know that someone who has sunk that low can still seek help--actual help--and get it. 

18.5. i don’t know. it’s not a question i’m going to resolve at the end of an overlong recap at 1 in the morning. i don’t believe it’s even a question that titans can resolve. but i am interested in where they’re going next with jason.

19. this episode was genuinely great! i’m pumped for the rest of the season!

[beybladefanboy]

Top 5 Metal Masters Episodes

Honestly, out of the three main seasons, Masters to me is the weakest. That is by a slight margin, it’s still a very good season, but it is a more noticeable margin than the one between Fusion and Fury. I think we can all agree that the time they spend in America in the last twenty five or so episodes is the most consistently good part of the season. Before that, this season goes up and down in quality like a rollercoaster. In the end though, this season was more good than lackluster so here are the best episodes.

Honourable Mentions

Episode 98: The Fallen Emperor

This is the episode where Da Xiang and Julian battle. I honestly really relate to Julian’s story where he was held to really high expectations and was never allowed to fail so when he did, he didn’t know how to handle it and felt like he lost everything. This episode also made me really like Da Xiang. He was annoying at first but seeing him become a leader who has found strength supporting his team and getting back up after every defeat and teaching Julian to do the same was really nice. It was a great moment for both of their characters and it was cool seeing Da Xiang use the full extent of his abilities. I didn’t really think of him as a really strong blader before this episode.

Episode 100: The Wild Beast Unleashed

This is Kyoya and Damian’s battle and once again, I’m biased toward Kyoya. I like his battle against Damian more than Gingka’s because Gingka was sort of guaranteed to win while Kyoya could’ve gone either way. I don’t really have much to say: it’s just an epic battle and an interesting look into Kyoya’s character. I won’t go into that because another Tumblr user has already done a much better job and I don’t want to copy them, it’s just really in line with the Kyoya we know.

5) Episode 77: The Dragon Emperor Returns

I mentioned having a Kyoya bias but if there’s a character I have even more of a bias for, it’s Ryuga. Long story short, this is the episode that made Ryuga my favourite character. I liked him as a villain in Fusion, and was already starting to get a bit of a crush on him, but this episode made me fall in love. In fact, I can pinpoint the exact moment it happened: when he explained how the dark power was man made so he could overcome it and draw L-Drago’s power from its original source, showing that he was willing to admit his mistakes and determined to grow from the experience. How could I not admire that? He’s also just a total badass. His entrance in this episode, walking in with a sadistic looking smile as he makes meteors fall all around him before he beats the crap out of everyone there was just amazing. This is also a great episode for Tsubasa, another favourite character of mine. He’s going crazy due to the dark power in this episode, letting his dark side take over and drive him to battle Sophie, Wales, and Julian in the woods at night with the intent to destroy them. It’s tragic but the Dark Tsubasa arc was the best part of Masters so I really liked seeing him struggle with this darker side and seeing Ryuga provide him the solution: to become one with the dark power. Just a really interesting episode overall.

4) Episode 69: The Scorching Hot Lion

Here’s more of my Kyoya bias. This episode was a huge breath of fresh air. Masters before this point was really uninteresting for me, with the exception of the Dark Tsubasa stuff which hadn’t been portrayed much at this point. It was mostly battles I didn’t care for and Gingka, Masamune, and Yu being insanely obnoxious. So to get away from them, and see a character’s return I was personally waiting for with baited breath, it was like a drink of cold water on a hot day. This is a simple episode all things considered: it’s just the formation of Team Wild Fang but that was more interesting than anything else in the season at that point. Kyoya and Nile’s camaraderie/friendship is developed and showcased well, to the point where they already really feel like a team. Demure is sort of just inserted into their group but he does prove himself to be useful and to kid me, it was a nice surprise that he was the one to make their team. So yeah, just a simple episode showing fun interesting characters forming bonds.

3) Episode 91: The Furious DJ Battle?!

This episode is honestly just funny. It doesn’t accomplish anything plot-wise: it’s just Gan Gan Galaxy trying and failing to find a replacement member for their team since Tsubasa and Yu are both hospitalized. Kenta and Wang Fu Zhong all battle for this honour, when Ryo interferes in his Phoenix costume. He tries to join the team, stupidly not knowing the rules of his own tournament and in one of the most satisfying moments EVER, Hikaru puts this idiot in his place and Ryo is disappointed. His suffering is points in my book. Then the American and Japanese blader DJs come in. Rewatching it now, this episode was probably fan service for people that wanted to see them battle but it’s honestly great fan service. Seeing the main cast react to such a terrible bey battle, with the series’ over the top announcing, is just amazing. Words can’t really give it justice. Just watch the episode. It’s the funniest one in the show.

2) Episode 72: Eternal Rivals

In my opinion, this was Gingka and Kyoya’s best battle. I always have fun seeing these two battle but at this point in the series, they hadn’t battled one on one since Metal Fusion. The battles got much more layered and fierce since then. Gingka and Kyoya are constantly going back and forth between who is winning, trading special moves and keeping you on your toes and wondering who’s going to win. And then… neither of them do. Gingka and Kyoya end up being equals in power, using up every ounce of their strength trying to defeat their opponent before collapsing from exhaustion. Yeah, it’s kind of disappointing we never saw Kyoya defeat Gingka. However, I think a tie was the perfect way to end this specific battle. Before this, Masamune lost to Nile so one more loss would’ve kicked Gan Gan Galaxy out of the tournament but simply giving Gingka the win would’ve sort of discredited the hard work Kyoya put in. Having them tie keeps Gan Galaxy at the disadvantage without making them lose and showcases how far Kyoya has come as a balder. Overall, just a really epic battle that makes the slower parts before it worth it.

1) Episode 79: Dark Eagle

There’s a very simple reason I love this episode: it’s the culmination of the Dark Tsubasa Arc, aka the best thing about Metal Masters. It was an interesting look into a character's psyche and added a darker layer to the earlier part of this season. However, this resolution was what made it really stick out to me. In other shows I've seen (Yugioh for example) the goal is always to drive out/destroy the darkness within people but this episode decided to go in a more realistic direction. Realistic in an representational way I mean. In real life, we can't drive out our "darkness" so to speak. What we can do in real life is accept ourselves and learn to overcome our inner demons rather than denying them, which is what Tsubasa did in this episode. He accepted that his darker self was part of him but that it didn’t define who he was, overcoming that darkness and creating a new special move on the spot to defeat Sophie and Wales. Yeah, the battle itself is still really good but the flashback of Tsubasa as a kid and him overcoming his dark power is what propels the episode into being one of the best.

[katierosefun]

i originally had a september wrap-up post queued but then tumblr fucking ate it, which made me very angry because i didn’t want to re-type the whole thing, but i’m procrastinating, so here i am, re-typing the whole thing of all the things i watched/consumed over the month of september, even if it’s a little late: (it’s fine, i didn’t watch a whole ton of stuff except...a lot of kdramas lmao. oh, and visions.) 

k-dramas: 

beyond evil 

okay, so i think this has been on my rec list for literally forever now, but...besties, i’m on my fifth watch of this goddamn show in the span of maybe two months, so if that doesn’t tell you how much this show has been a comfort/eating my brain lately, idk what will. 

i literally never shut up about this show, but if you’ve somehow been missing from my blog for a little bit, a quick summary: lee dong sik (played by the ever-wonderful shin ha kyun) was accused of murder + kidnapping a few young women, including his own twin sister 20 years ago. he’s lived a pretty quiet life on his own, and now 20 years later, his whole world is turned upside down again when hotshot new inspector han joo won (played by the talented yeo jin goo) comes into this little town. when the murders start up again, these two are thrown into a hellishly complex mystery. will throw you in for a hellish loop. i think my thoughts best summarize this show as come for the murder mystery, stay for whatever the hell joo won and dong sik have. 

okay, but all joking aside about how much i love joo won and dong sik (because...i truly do love them), this show was incredibly healing. once again: this show has quickly become a comfort show, basically to the point where i just watch it whenever i feel down (which happens to be a lot these days). idk man. humans aren’t meant to carry burdens on their own and all that stuff. sometimes u just need to remind yourself that. 

the crowned clown 

so, after watching beyond evil the fourth time, i realized that maybe i wanted to watch some of the actors’ other works. that was how i found myself watching the crowned clown, which...is an excellent kdrama now available on netflix (also on viki for free, just as beyond evil is). honestly, it’s been a hot second since i’ve watched historical dramas (saeguks), so i was a little unsure what to expect, but this show. bro. this show reminded me just how much i love historical dramas, because the court politics? the costumes? the music? the acting? fantastic. 

basically, this show is about the young clown (ie. performer) ha seon (played by yeo jin goo) who now has to replace the king, who might be like...two seconds away from snapping (if he hasn’t already). the reason they’re able to do this is because they look exactly identical despite not being related. 

this story is honestly wonderful. i loved it, and it’s an interesting way to look at the story behind the actual king (because. apparently this king was a real person, and i think his story has inspired quite a few other korean movies/shows). i thought yeo jin goo was brilliant in this show, and it’s really no surprise he became the youngest person ever nominated for a baeksang award because of this series. i was truly blown away by just how versatile he proved to be of an actor, and his dynamics with the other characters (the queen, the secretary being my fave, as well as the old eunuch jo), i just...bro. i’ll admit i wasn’t the biggest fan of the romance (don’t get me wrong! it was sweet!), but i think that might have been because this was so court politics heavy, and i adored it for that. if you’ve never watched a historical drama but want to and just don’t know where to start, i highly recommend this. 

d.p. 

bro....this show was dark. i watched it all in 2 days (pretty easy to do, considering it’s 6 episodes and maybe 40-50 minutes long per episode), and i needed to lie down. this is just one of those shows that i feel is...very important to watch, even if the content matter isn’t very bright. 

basically, dp is about two deserter pursuit officers: ahn jun ho (played by jung hae in) and han ho yul (played by koo kyo hwan). deserter pursuit officers are basically people who chase after people who deserted their military post--and for those who don’t know, being in the military is mandatory for men in south korea. this is the result of the armistice between the north and the south--basically, since north korea never agreed to an actual peace treaty, south korea is constantly under threat of war, which is why men need to serve at least a few years. (this is why a lot of actors + kpop band members often take breaks from their careers--to fulfill their military service time. because yup, even celebrities aren’t exempt from service!) 

anyways, this show really doesn’t pull back their punches. major trigger warnings for things like intense harrassment, suicide, domestic violence...it really does capture just how dark life can be, and also how toxic the military can be for men. because of that, i felt this show was incredibly well-crafted, incredibly nuanced, and in the end, i just felt sad. that said though, there was a hopeful ending, and i’m glad that this show was renewed for a second season, as i think this show is just...really important. 

squid game 

okay, so i don’t want to be that person, but your girl was watching squid game right after it came out, so i was here before the hype train--but okay, okay, i digress. (i am glad that this show is getting hype. i feel it’s very important that people watch this show.) 

if you haven’t noticed how squid game’s climbed to #1 on netflix worldwide (i think, anyways), well, then...buddy. squid game is about a bunch of people who have the chance to earn lots of money by playing what seems like innocent children’s games. (spoilers: they are far from innocent.) 

this show scarred me, to be honest. i needed to watch something lighthearted after this, just because it was so intense. lots of trigger warnings for blood and gore, as well as just. losing faith in humanity. but also, like dp, i felt this show was necessary. it was incredibly well-constructed in that it showed just what desperate people will do in order to survive, as well as exactly what a terrible capitalistic society will do to the working class. it’s depressing and sad, but also incredibly chilling because like. you can’t help but watch the characters and think, but would i do the same thing? i just want to pay off my own debt and take care of my family. wouldn’t i do the same thing? 

i won’t say more of this show for fear of spoilers, but. let me just say. that i really am glad this show exists. i hope people actually notice what the fuck it’s saying about our current system too, because hm, maybe i just want to suck the fun out of things, but there’s something very disturbing about how people are already cute-ifying this show (ie. “this is what i would wear to the squid games! :D” and “look at these squid-game inspired cookies! :D”, as if this show didn’t just deliver a heart-crushing message about capitalism + how the wealthy fuck over anyone who isn’t the 1% BUT ANYWAYS) 

tv 

star wars: visions 

lately i’ve been feeling weird about star wars for lots of different reasons which i don’t particularly feel like addressing today, but. visions really reminded me why i fell in love with star wars in the first place. i think for starters, well. it’s no surprise when i say that i felt an intense amount of joy of seeing east asian cultures so beautifully incorporated and respected in this show (no surprise seeing that this show was literally crafted by japanese anime studios), but like. it really was. a beautiful thing. i cried at least once per episode, either because i was so in awe of the animation and the themes or because i was just in awe that this thing exists. 

i think my favorite episode had to be the village bride--there was something so incredibly powerful about seeing someone who looked a bit like me say i am a jedi. what an iconic line. what an iconic story about a sad traumatized gal deciding to step up and fight, actually. peak star wars. 

but besides all that...i really did feel like...this show captured the beauty and essence of what makes star wars actually good. the themes of good versus evil, a lot of stuff between siblings (bro....the twins and lop and ocho FUCKED ME UP), choosing to have brighter and better days ahead (the village bride, the ninth jedi, the duel, tatooine rhapsody)...like, i really loved how each episode really took everything that was good about star wars and just turned it into something even more beautiful. this series will stay with me for a long time, i think--and i am very grateful for the people involved in this project for reminding me why i fell in love with this universe in the first place. :”)

[ask-whitepearl-and-steven]

Alright alright alright

You’ve all been asking for it, so here it is! 

This will be (edit: HELLA) long and obviously spoiler-y, so everything is under a cut. 

Are you ready?

Before we get to it, I want to mention that for the sake of keeping things organized, I will NOT be talking about my AU (@ask-whitepearl-and-steven​) in this post. I want to just analyze the show as a viewer and a fan first. I’ll make a seperate post for AU-thoughts a bit later.

Without further ado:

EP 1: LITTLE HOMESCHOOL

This is a great way to open up the episode and show the changes through the lens of someone who has been a bit out of it for a while (we are all Cherry Quartz, fresh from the hiatus, aren’t we?) but I’m sorry, this post still takes the cake:

Okay, okay, back to the program.

“That used to be a loaded question...“

Right off the bat, Steven is SO much more confident about saying that he’s... HIMSELF! What a good feeling. I’m very proud of our boy. 

I love the name “Gemglyph” for the gem language! I’ll need to know who wrote these, though. And who the heck drew the diamonds? Hopefully it was BP. 

And I’m not the first one to point this out, but MORE ANIME REFERENCES!

Which can be seen as either a reference to the Chill Low-Fi Hiphop Beats to Study To OR Whisper of the Heart. 

And absolutely no one cares but something that caught my eye is the fact that they have an EARTH FLAG at Little Homeschool! How cool is that!

Earth 4ever!!! 

Off-note - I love how INVESTED they are in this conversation Pearl is having with Holo-Pearl.

Peak entertainment. 

I love Professor Amethyst and I love the random human who snuck in to apparently take lessons on Not Giving A Single Shit About Anything, Ever. 

And here we FINALLY are in the FUTURE

Where we FINALLY get Jasper as a functioning character

And 

She’s

SO DRAMATIC, I LOVE HER.

This is literally SO funny like she... she was just... laying on top of her house... under a blanket..... FOr WHAT? To stand up dramatically and throw it off when Steven inevitably paid a visit? 

Is that just what she dOES? 

“It’s FINE I don’t need any HELP, I’m FUNCTIONING, I’m just having a SELF CARE DAY OK”

Also I’m sorry but

Jasper: “It took forever to yank those puny green earthlings out of the ground.”

Steven: “You mean grass...?“

THIS. RIGHT HERE. is peak Jasper. 

It’s also curious how INVESTED Steven is in this:

“I’m TRYING to give you [a purpose]!“

Why are you... trying to do that, though? Isn’t the whole idea for gems to surpass their ‘purpose’ and just kinda... do whatever? Isn’t Jasper just kinda... doing whatever? 

I mean, sure, it’s not useful to anyone, but she seems relatively happy. Aside from. You know. The whole laying on rocks under blankets until she’s disturbed thing and-- okay, you’re right, maybe an intervention would be healthy. 

I’m not gonna talk at length about the rest of the episode - although I think it’s really good, I don’t know what I can say about it that hasn’t already been said. Jasper is definitely poking Steven’s buttons and rephrasing a LOT of what WHITE has said to Pink: “You surround yourself with inferior gems because it makes you feel better.”

And Steven REACTS to this. The taunt WORKS.

And yes, he gains some extra powers for it, but something tells me this AIN’T the only thing he will get. It feels like a two-edged sword. Like it’ll be his own downfall somehow....... maybe at the end of the series. 

Ashes to ashes.... hole to hole.

And oh wow I thought they were gonna bond but LMAO

“Consider your fight back there your first and ONLY lesson.“

Basically:

I love you Jasper.

EP 2: GUIDANCE

I LOVE YOU AMETHYST.

sHE’S doing SO much and she’s SO good at it!! Look at her!! Organizing stuff!!!! 

RUBIES IN SUNGLASSES. IN SQUARE SUNGLASSES. 

I need 20. 

And I also need 20 of Larimar because holy shit that’s hilarious. 

Larimar: “I want to hear the human screams forever.”

Steven: “Okay that’s kinda troubling.”

I love the reference to Monsters Inc here and I love the callback at the end of the episode when Larimar switches to Human Laughter to get her fill of that particular erm... need. 

And honestly the ensuing chaos is equally predictable and entertaining. 

I’m SO glad to know that Rubies are just... Like That and that actually Navy is not a deviation from the norm but rather a different flavor of the chaotic energy all Rubies naturally seem to possess. 

Amethyst is also super relatable:

“Ah yes, the fool comes crawling back. Come to beg for forgiveness, have you?”

In fact, the episode’s WHOLe HUMOUR is just very much My Brand

“Sometimes you save all the people but the rollercoaster still crashes into the ocean...... and that’s okay.”

Including the Running Gag that is Onion. Who... does not appear to have aged. At all. And that’s okay.

EP 3: ROSE BUDS

Okay where do I even begin with this one. Um.

I have to openly admit that I spent the majority of this episode wheezing with laughter. Let’s start with the Zoomans:

Who are CLEARLY STILL SUPER SALTY AT GREG ABOUT REJECTING THEM??? Which is hilarious. 

And also this paradise is fascinating in and of itself. 

But the next scene is basically where I started losing my shit.

Okay, okay, alright so. Uh. I have... a few questions.

Like Why. WHY. Does she look. SO MUCH like Rose? 

Clearly Rose Quartz differ in coloring and etc. But She literally looks. Like THE Rose. VERY explicitly. 

So here’s several options here:

1) Pink made Rose Quartz way before any of the Rebellion happened and Pearl just basically pigeonholed her into THIS specific Rose Quartz appearance because she (???) had a crush? Or somehow saw this specific Rose, thought ‘hot, i can make my sympathetic Diamond wear this exact costume and that would be EXCELLENT fanservice for ME’

2) Pink didn’t have any Rose Quartz until the Rebellion, and thereafter quickly decided ‘I need these gems as an alibi, so we’re just gonna make them” and she and Pearl basically inclubated Rose Quartz like a pokemon trainer hatching for a Shiny until they got one that looked Exactly Like That. 

3) There was no Thinking involved because this is Pink we’re talking about, and it was all just a huge coincidence for the sake of this Very Hilariously Uncomfortable Episode. 

While we ruminate on that, let’s look at some Relatable Reactions.

And here we have the holy trinity of “I have just seen the clone of my deceased parent/parental figure/lover.”

Featuring: Bonus ‘I’m Almost Over It’ Pearl

Also, I need y’all to make this into a meme:

For example:

Anyway, alright, alright. 

That relatable feel when your (hot) dead lesbian lover’s clone asks you if you’re okay after another one of the (less hot?) clones offers you a whole ass stick of butter to eat. 

And then you and your friends all hide in the bathroom to talk about your feelings:

Okay, the rest of the episode gives me FEELINGS and I love how hard Steven is trying, so I’ll just close it off with:

I LOVE THEM. Unironically, they are EVERYTHING I had hoped Rose Quartz would be. They’re SO MUCH like Rose herself - did she model her personality after them? Or are they just like her because she WAS like that, and they’re made from her essence? WHO KNOWS?! They’re adorable!

And the conflict between them and Steven is honestly so gooD! I don’t know if it’s completely relatable but I’m glad they ended up talking it out.

I wonder if we’ll ever see Her again... you know who I’m talkin’ about. 

Her....

I’m madly in love with Rose, ok, I don’t need a callout post. Just leave me be.

EP 4:  VOLLEYBALL

Alright, alright, alright.

OKAy,.... It’s fine. It’s FINE. I’m fINE. 

Confirmed: 8000 years. That’s. UH. A LOT? That puts our timelines quite a ways back. We kind of estimated as much, but still, it’s so jarring to think about. And PP is VERY casual about it. 

She’s also VERY casual about the injury.

“This is all Pink Diamond!”

It doesn’t seem like it bothers her to talk about it at all. She’s not even trying to keep it a secret. So I’m almost wondering - was there a connection to her being taken by White and the injury at all or not? 

She came to Steven to get healed - she clearly wants it gone. At the time she was injured, did Pink not even attempt to heal the injury? 

Follow up question: If she DID care, why didn’t she try to heal it?

Follow up to the follow up: Was it because she didn’t know she could? Or did she simply not have the time to (White removed her before she could)? 

When Steven goes pink, she gasps - but makes no further comment. It’s presumably because she’s seen this happen before. She doesn’t try to move away, weirdly enough - she asks him if everything is alright. Perhaps the context is too different for it to be triggering for her. Perhaps there’s more layers to it? HMMM. 

What follows is, perhaps, the SALTIEST we’ve seen Pearl since Greg rolled around.

“Did you come to compete?”

This is doubly curious to me because Crewniverse has previously explicitly stated that Pearl was NOT in love with Pink Diamond. She was in love with Rose. So if this is true, why would Pearl care about her place as Pink’s Pearl? She is supposed to be past all that, isn’t she? 

And yet as time goes on, the salinity grows exponentially. Alright, you two, I know you’re Pearls but tone it down with the sass. 

(Also, I’m sorry but I will NEVER call her Volleyball. That’s all. Bye.)

Also it’s worth noting that... PP is clearly VERY much in love with Pink.

This is, perhaps, where the lack of a grudge plays into it. She’s completely enamoured.

Moreover, she’s VERY casual about how she talks here. This isn’t exactly how one talks of their Diamond. This is how people talk about their romantic partners. She calls Pink silly, calls her ‘funny’. That’s not exactly a term of respect - it’s way more intimate than that. 

Also, did anyone else notice how, although CG Pearl’s gem is usually shaded in teal, it’s in Pink in this episode? VEEEERY subtle, Crew.

Also, we can’t quite see Pink Pearl’s expression fully here because her working eye isn’t visible, which makes it hard to get a read on things like

“I’m older than you.“ Is she just saying it casually? Or is she fully aware that she’s poking fun at CG Pearl? 

HI SHELL. ISN’T IT FUNNY HOW YOUR VOICE AND YOUR NAME ARE A SUBTLE NOD TO PORTAL, WHICH IS FORESHADOWING HOW BADLY THIS IS GONNA END. 

Meanwhile, Pearl continues to be in character.

“No need to be overly... attached.”

And this has nothing to do with anything but

she cute

Aaaand now it’s creepy again.

The rest of this is super important so let’s get to it:

“Oh, no. Pink did this.”

“What did you say?”

“It’s a funny story, really. Once, Pink got tired of asking Yellow and Blue for her own colony, so she went straight to White. Of course, White told her she wasn’t fit to run one... and well! That set her off.”

“Set her off? What are you talking about?”

“You remember how she was! With her destructive powers, throwing tantrums left and right! She had a scream that could crack the walls. She didn’t mean to hurt me! (giggle) I just happened to be standing too close to her that time and--”

And then Steven interrupts. 

We get more CG Pearl arguing for how wrong this image of Pink is to her. What CG Pearl knew was a totally different (or, well, same, but VERY changed) Pink. 

But what we have to prove our point is Steven himself. He rolls into the EXACT same state as Pink presumably did - and begins to over-use his powers. 

(This isn’t the first time we have seen him use this attack.)

The reactions from the Pearls are telling - this is clearly not Pink Pearl’s first rodeo with this type of Mood. 

And it’s important to note that Steven clearly didn’t direct any attack AT them. He simply yelled - and the whole dang place literally started to crack. There’s weight to the argument that possibly, Pink really DIDN’T mean to hurt her Pearl - that she was just collateral damage. 

Which doesn’t make it any better, obviously. Even if Pink had no direct intention of hurting her Pearl (and there are theories that Pink purposefully hit or threw Pink Pearl or somehow physically acted directly to damage her, which I was skeptical of) the result of it is still the same.

If you raise your voice and yell, even if you’re just yelling because YOU are hurt/have feelings, you might still hurt the people around you. If you throw a tantrum, even if your direct goal was just to let off some steam without aiming to harm anyone, whoever gets in your way is still the victim. 

And this is all very much On Brand for Pink’s timeline as we know it. We already knew this about her - we KNEW she tended to throw tantrums (like in the flashback on Jungle Moon) and that she was childish. The fact that she accidentally hurt her Pearl in the process because she had no self-control at that period in her life comes as no surprise. 

(Although it’s important to mention that perhaps hurting her own Pearl WAS the breaking point during which she finally realized how her emotional outbursts could have negative consequences on those around her.)

And this is a very beautiful message - even if Pink Pearl still doesn’t want to blame Pink for what was done to her (”But... she didn’t mean to!”) Pearl brings the point of it back around to her (”But you were still hurt!”) The point isn’t the person who did the hurting - the focus is on the victim and how they were affected. 

And the rest, I daresay, is history. 

I like the fact that they managed to still bring it back around to the main message: 

It isn’t about just “Pink was bad”. It’s about how she did bad things. And there were multiple sides to her - multiple stages. And the Pearls who knew her knew different sides of her - the side that didn’t know how to be a good person, who was selfish and childish and unrestrained... and  the side that was, arguable, too restrained. Who hated her own past, her own character and her own mistakes so much that she would rather bury them and keep secrets from everyone. 

And neither of those things were good, and neither were healthy, but they are a GREAT contrast to a GREAT character arc that is, arguably, still being unearthed. And we have so much more context for it all now. 

I, for one, can’t wait to see and discover more of Pink through Pink Pearl - no matter how ugly that side of her might be. I think it gives great perspective to her later growth. 

And if you ship the Pearls.. .well, I get why. 

Personally I’m not interested in it that way. Call me unromantic - I don’t think their relationship NEEDS to be shippy in order to be satisfyingly deep. I love the idea of them having a deep bond over this - a shared past, a shared experience, and gaining confidence through one another. 

Cheers and thanks for listening!

[queenmarytudor]

The Spanish Princess S2 rewrite

The wonky timeline and horrible inaccuracies of The Spanish Princess season 2 inspired me to plot out the season myself.

I made some minor timeline changes to make things flow easier, speeding up the time between events while ignoring Catherine’s first daughter born in 1510 and Mary’s 1518 French betrothal - but I can guarantee my version is 100% more accurate than Emma Frost’s ;)

I used the same following events in the series as rough reference points: 

Birth and death of Prince Hal - episode 1

Battle of Flodden - episode 2

Princess Mary’s birth - episode 4

Field of the Cloth of Gold - episode 6

but I’ve dramatically altered the context, featuring a lot more festivities, the births of Margaret Douglas and Frances Brandon, and Henry VIII’s affair with Mary Boleyn!  

EPISODE 1 - SIR LOYAL HEART (1511)

King Henry VIII and his new bride, Queen Catherine of Aragon, are crowned king and queen of England, to great rejoicing.

The new court is full of revels; Henry dresses up as Robin Hood to surprise his young queen, along with his band of merry men. An amused Catherine is declared his Maid Marian. The happy king and queen dance together, while Mary, Henry VIII’s sister dances with the king’s best friend Charles Brandon. After the revelry, Catherine confesses to her husband she is with child.

Henry writes to his father in law Ferdinand that he considers him his new father, and prefers an alliance with him rather than any other prince.

Catherine is sent a blessed girdle by her sister, Margaret queen of Scots, to guarantee a safe birth. She had been given it by Catherine previously to use in the birth of her son, prince James of Scotland, and hopes it gives her similar luck. Catherine is touched by the kind gesture. 

On New Years day, Catherine gives birth to a prince, named Henry for his father.

Henry goes to a shrine, Our Lady at Walsingham, to give thanks while Catherine recovers. The king of France, Louis XII, is made godfather of little Prince Hal.

When Catherine is churched and returns to court there are jousts to celebrate England’s new heir. Henry jousts as “Sir Loyal Heart”. His sister Mary gives Charles Brandon her favour before the pair joust. Henry is victorious, but Charles admits privately to Mary after that he let the new father win. Catherine happily awards her husband the main prize.

A grand feast follows, where a jubilant Henry encourages the people to take the gold from his costume. A stampede follows, and the laughing king and queen must be helped to safety.

Their happiness is interrupted by the sad news that prince Hal is dead.

The court is plunged into grief, and Henry, in an effort to distract himself, declares war on France, wanting to win back the land lost to England. He asks a mourning Catherine’s help in convincing her father to fight with him. She agrees eagerly; God has taken her son, but he will surely bless them with another when they defeat their ancient enemy.

EPISODE 2 - FLODDEN (1513)

There has been several months of planning war against France, and Catherine is in the early stages of pregnancy. She talks to the Venetian ambassador about hiring Italian ships for an invasion, asking about the cost. Henry admires her attitude, and declares her regent of England while he is in France. 

On the eve of her husband’s departure, Catherine tells him their child has quickened, leaving Henry even more eager to win for the sake of their son’s future inheritance.

Before they cross the channel to fight, Mary promises Charles Brandon to look after her brother. He reassures her they will both be fine; Mary says he’ll look after the king, and she the queen.

In France, Henry, Charles, and the other men wait on Catherine’s father, Ferdinand of Aragon. He never arrives, and Henry is incensed to discover he has been betrayed. He successfully lays siege to Therouanne, taking the town and demolishing the walls, creating large fires. They carry on, leaving destruction behind them.

Meanwhile in England, a now visibly pregnant Catherine heads the Privy Council meetings and realises they will have to fight the Scots, allied with the angry French. She writes constantly to the king’s almoner, Thomas Wolsey, worrying how her husband fares.

Catherine, helped by Mary, busies herself preparing essential items for battle, including sewing banners of the royal arms of England and Spain.

Margaret writes a letter pleading her sister not to attack, but Catherine burns it and rallies her soldiers with a rousing speech, saying “English courage excels that of all other nations!”. The soldiers proudly take her banners to battle at Flodden field, where they slaughter the Scots.

Catherine and Mary wait anxiously before England is declared victorious and Catherine is brought James IV of Scotland’s body. She wants to send his head to her husband, but her men persuade her not to. She sends her friar, Friar Langley, to Scotland to comfort the now widowed Margaret.

Across the sea Charles Brandon distinguishes himself by capturing a gatehouse at Tournai. Henry is sent James IV’s bloodstained clothes and a letter from Catherine informing him of her success. Inspired, Henry leads the successful assault on Tournai.

In England, celebrations continue for their victory, but are dimmed when Catherine goes into labour early and gives birth to a stillborn son. Mary comforts her, promising Henry will be home soon.

Henry returns from France victorious, creating Charles Brandon the Duke of Suffolk for his actions. He assures Catherine all will be well now the enemy is defeated, as his sister Mary is to be betrothed to Louis XII of France to make peace between the two countries.

EPISODE 3 - GRIEF (1514)

In Scotland, a grieving Margaret is comforted by Archibald Douglas after being declared regent on behalf of her son, the now king James. He can relate to losing a spouse, as his wife died not long ago. 

In England, Catherine is pregnant again, and sews Henry’s battle torn shirts as Mary gets fitted for her wedding dress. Henry’s sister is horrified at having to marry the French king.

Wolsey is now the archbishop of York, and Catherine is beginning to resent his growing influence and power at court. Henry has come up with an idea to claim Castile on behalf of Catherine. He and Catherine argue viciously over it. She thinks it is ridiculous; even if she agreed to fight with her father over the land, Castile is her sister Joana’s before hers, as their mother’s heir. Henry says Joana is mad and incapable of ruling, and therefore it passes to her, and by extension, him. 

Catherine is miserable, not helped by her bad pregnancy. She is constantly sick, but disguises her pain to say goodbye to Mary. At the waterside before her departure, Mary gets her brother to promise she can choose her second husband. Henry agrees, and Mary sets sail for France with several ladies in waiting, including Mary and Anne Boleyn.  

In Scotland, a lonely Margaret finds herself falling in love with Archibald Douglas. 

Catherine is torn between her husband and her father, even more so when Henry decide to send Charles Brandon over to France to discuss a new alliance with King Louis against him.

In France, Charles talks to Louis about an alliance against Ferdinand but the French king is reluctant.

Catherine goes into early labour and gives birth to a son they name Henry for his father. He dies minutes after birth in his parents arms, and both are devastated.

Charles Brandon informs Mary of the queen’s loss; both comfort each other before Charles reluctantly sails back to England.

In Scotland, Margaret secretly marries Archibald Douglas, breaking the terms of her regency.

Back in England, Charles tells Henry he tried his best but Louis refused. Henry reveals he has dropped his plans to get revenge on Ferdinand for the sake of the queen.

Henry tells Catherine he has realised there are more important things to focus on - like her, recovering. They cuddle in bed, brought back together in shared grief for their son. 

EPISODE 4 - THE THREE QUEENS (1515 - 1516)

In Scotland, Margaret’s secret marriage is discovered when she becomes pregnant. Besieged and desperate for help, she sends a letter to her brother in England.

In France, Mary becomes a widow after King Louis dies. Henry sends Charles Brandon to bring her home, not before making him promise not to marry her. As she had with Margaret, Catherine sends her friar, Friar Langley, to comfort another Tudor widow; she has no need for him now as her prayers have been answered - she is with child again.

In France, Friar Langley tells Mary that the privy council, especially Wolsey, will never let her and Charles be wed. The pair marry anyway, helped by the new French king, Francis. Francis also gives his blessing for the Duke of Albany to take up the regency of King James in Scotland.

Henry is furious with both of his sisters, as Mary has married without his permission and Margaret urges him to send an army to help her. Henry refuses to send an army, but says Margaret can stay at his court.

Archibald urges Margaret to obey the council and surrender her son to a newly returned Albany, but she refuses. After a long argument, a defeated Margaret turns over James to Albany and flees with Archibald to her brothers court for the sake of her unborn child.

Mary reminds Henry “as you well know, I have always borne good mind towards my lord of Suffolk.” She beseeches him to “keep all the promises that you promised me when I took my leave of you by the waterside.”

Wolsey convinces Henry to allow Mary and Charles to return home to England if they pay a fine. To sweeten her brother’s disposition, Mary steals a large French jewel, the Mirror of Naples, for him. 

On the Scottish borders, Archibald refuses to cross into England with Margaret and reveals he intends to make peace with Albany. A betrayed Margaret carries on to London without her husband.

Mary and Charles return home to England, but her lady Anne Boleyn decides to stay on with the new French queen.

All 3 Tudor queens, Catherine, Mary, and Margaret, are now back together in the English royal court, and pregnant.

Margaret has still not forgiven Catherine for the role she played in her first husband’s death. She asks for her blessed girdle back, and Catherine agrees. 

Shortly after, Margaret gives birth to a daughter, also named Margaret. Catherine visits her and apologizes for the hurt she has caused. She gives her new dresses and jewels that befit the queen regent of Scotland, and Margaret thaws.

Catherine tries to reconcile the three Tudor siblings, saying their children will all be cousins and it would be a shame to make them enemies as they will be the future royal family. 

Henry forgives his sisters; he delights in wearing the Mirror of Naples Mary has stolen from King Francis, and tells Margaret Archibald’s actions were “Done like a Scot”.

Grand jousts are put on to celebrate Mary and Margaret’s return to court. Catherine and Mary watch on proudly as their husbands compete against each other, while Margaret is cheered by a letter arriving from her husband, saying he is trying to negotiate with Albany.

Catherine successfully gives birth to a little girl, named Mary in honour of her aunt. Wolsey, now a Cardinal, is made her godfather, while Margaret Pole is made her godmother and governess. A delighted Henry assures the Venetian ambassador “We are both young; if it was a daughter this time, by the grace of God the sons will follow.”

EPISODE 5 - MAY DAY (1517 - 1518)

Henry and Catherine are head over heels with their surviving child, now a thriving toddler. Mary is constantly flaunted by her parents to ambassadors and courtiers who dote on her; the king names her his pearl of the world, and brags she never cries. The royals are informed of attacks on foreigners in London, but caught up in their happiness, they brush off the news.

The three queens meet at Margaret’s London townhouse, with their children, Princess Mary, Margaret Douglas and Henry Brandon. Mary is pregnant again, while Margaret is eager to return to Scotland as the people around her household are becoming increasingly hostile towards her.

On May Day there are large scale riots in the city, and royal officers including Charles Brandon are sent to suppress them. Three hundred rebels are rounded up and sent to the king and queen. An emotional Catherine, Margaret and Mary beg for Henry to have mercy on them for the sakes of their wives and children, which is given.

Margaret leaves with her daughter to reunite with her husband in Scotland. Mary and an increasingly devout Catherine accompany her northwards while on pilgrimage to visit the Our Lady shrine at Walsingham, the same place her husband visited in thanks after she gave birth to their short lived son. Catherine suspects she is pregnant again.

While his wife is away, Henry entertains his daughter, and writes a Defence of the Seven Sacraments with Thomas More. Increasingly bored as the months pass, he begins an affair with one of Catherine’s ladies, Bessie Blount.

On her return to court, Catherine tells Henry his sister has given birth to a healthy girl named Frances in honour of the French king, and surprises Henry with her own big belly, obviously with child. He orders Te Deum to be sung in the churches in celebration. 

In her absence, Henry has grown a beard as part of a peace pact with Francis, but Catherine dislikes it and asks him to shave. He agrees happily after her surprise.

Unfortunately, their joy is as short lived as their child; Catherine soon gives birth to a daughter who dies not long after.

EPISODE 6 - CLOTH OF GOLD (1519 - 1520)

Catherine and Henry take comfort in Mary and the new title, “Defender of the Faith”, that Henry has been given by the Pope. Catherine is teaching her daughter Latin, and all is well until it is discovered that Bessie Blount is pregnant. She is sent away from court to a nearby priory to avoid the scandal being discovered.

Back in Scotland, Margaret discovers her husband Archibald has been living openly in her house with a mistress.

Cardinal Wolsey devises a royal summit with the French king, the Field of the Cloth of Gold, to cement their peace treaty. Henry is eager to see his rival, King Francis, in the flesh.

Bessie has given birth to a bastard son, Henry, who Henry immediately recognises as his own and gives the surname Fitzroy. He makes Wolsey his son’s godfather, and sends him to a secret christening. Henry promises Catherine Fitzroy will be kept away from court, but he will do his fatherly duty. He sends some of Princess Mary’s ladies to care for him.

Margaret writes to her brother she wants a divorce. Catherine sympathises with her sister as she is in a similar position, but urges Margaret to commit more fully to her husband, as she is. Henry and Catherine are determined to put the Fitzroy argument behind them and spend time with Princess Mary as a loving royal family.

Margaret discovers the Duke of Albany has been invited to the Field of the Cloth of Gold, and urges him to convince her brother to help her.

Henry, Catherine, Henry’s sister Mary and Charles Brandon attend the Field of the Cloth of Gold in France. In their absence, England is ruled by Princess Mary, Margaret Pole and the Privy Council.

At the Field of the Cloth of Gold, the Duke of Albany talks to Henry; again Henry and Catherine refuse to support his sister in a divorce. Margaret needs to work out her differences with her husband, for the sake of their daughter.

Catherine and Queen Claude of France become friends, bonding over their husband’s rivalry and their ladies in waiting becoming mistresses. Catherine is grateful Henry is discreet with his lovers, unlike Francis with Francoise de Foix, and that in England there is no official recognised royal mistress position.

King Francis proposes a match between his son and Princess Mary; Henry agrees to allow some French ambassadors to visit England.

In England, the French ambassadors meet with Mary. Mary, watched over by Margaret Pole, entertains them by playing the virginals and offering them strawberries, her favourite.

In France, the kings hear the ambassadors are enchanted with the princess. Catherine is secretly displeased, as she favours her nephew, the Holy Roman Emperor Charles V, as Mary’s future husband. She says her daughter is far too young to marry, and the four royals agree they will wait until Mary is older for the pair to wed. 

At the festivities, Catherine’s lady Mary Boleyn reunites with her sister Anne, who returns with them back to England as one of Catherine’s ladies.

EPISODE 7 - THE KING’S PEARL (1522 - 1523)

Catherine concentrates more on her daughter’s future. Hearing of his talents, she meets the great scholar Juan Luis Vives and commissions him to write a book on female education for Princess Mary.

A desperate Margaret writes that her marriage to Archibald is invalid as James IV is still alive. Catherine is incredulous; she had seen the Scottish king’s dead body herself. Catherine and Henry again refuse to support her.

After an annoyed Henry tells Edward Stafford off for failing to keep the Welsh in line, Catherine persuades Henry that an Imperial marriage would be better for England and their daughter. 

Charles V visits England, where a grand pageant is performed in his honour. Henry’s sister Mary plays Beauty, while Mary Boleyn is Kindness and Anne Boleyn Perseverance. Afterwards, Anne flirts with a courtier, Henry Percy; she says she likes his beard.

In the midst of the festivities Edward Stafford, still annoyed over being rebuked by the king, makes a snide remark overheard by Wolsey.     

Princess Mary, wearing a Valentines brooch for her cousin, meets Charles V. Catherine says he cannot leave without seeing Mary dance. Mary does not need to be asked twice; Catherine watches her daughter proudly as she impresses the emperor. 

In Scotland, Margaret commands Albany to appeal directly to the Pope for a divorce, as Archibald has turned her mad. He agrees to help her. Margaret and Albany finally come to an agreement over the regency of James, which is confirmed by the Scottish parliament. Margaret is not regent, but is able to help her son govern. 

Princess Mary is formally betrothed to Charles V, but after he leaves England Charles breaks the treaty and marries Isabella of Portugal. This infuriates Henry, who takes his anger out on Catherine. They have a blazing argument, where he blames her not only for her nephew jilting their daughter, but for not bearing a male heir. Edward Stafford has been listening to prophecies that predict his death and intends to kill him himself after their argument; England is not safe if he were to die without a successor. Catherine argues they have an heir; her mother ruled as a queen in her own right, and she herself ruled the country for him when he was in France.

Juan Luis Vives presents his finished book to Catherine. She tells him “If I had to choose between extreme sorrow and extreme well-being, I think I would prefer the former to the latter, for people in disgrace need only some consolation, while those who are too successful frequently lose their minds.”

She is comforted by Vives’ assurance that she is a good queen and mother, and a model for all woman. Henry meanwhile, is comforted by Mary Boleyn while Edward Stafford is executed for treason.

EPISODE 8 - DECLARE, I DARE NOT (1525 - 1527)

Archibald approaches the Scottish parliament heavily armed, but Margaret orders cannons to be fired at him. Henry Stewart, the master of artillery, is eager to obey, but the English ambassadors are appalled at their actions. They tell her not to attack her husband, but Margaret replies they should “go home and not meddle in Scottish matters”.

In a ceremony, Catherine watches on as her husband announces Princess Mary will go to the Welsh Marches with Margaret Pole and her own council to learn how to govern. It appears Henry has changed his mind and is prepared to accept his daughter as the first ruling queen of England; Catherine is delighted, especially when Mary is given the executed Stafford’s lands and the lordships of Bromfield, Chirkland and Yale to support her new role.

In the same ceremony, a proud Mary and Charles Brandon look on with their daughter Frances as their son Henry is made earl of Lincoln. Shortly after Henry Fitzroy is made Duke of Richmond and Somerset. Catherine is furious, especially when Henry declares his bastard and household will go to the northern borders to defend England against the Scots. 

Mary Boleyn gives birth to a girl, Catherine Carey, named in honour of the queen. Catherine says the child looks just like her father. 

Henry and Wolsey press ahead with arranging a marriage treaty with France as discussed at the Field of the Cloth of Gold; Catherine, desperately wanting to make amends with her husband, reluctantly agrees.

Wolsey tells Henry Percy and Anne Boleyn off for getting betrothed without approval from the king. She is only a knight’s daughter, and beneath Percy’s rank; he is sent from court to marry Mary Talbot.

An ambassador for the French marriage, Bishop Tarbes, arrives to see Princess Mary. Tarbes questions Henry and Catherine about their daughters legitimacy. Catherine brushes off Tarbes’ concerns, as the Pope had given her and Henry a dispensation to marry even if her marriage to Arthur had been consummated.

Henry visits Mary Boleyn and congratulates her, wondering if her daughter is his. While looking after her sister, Anne talks with Henry; sparks fly.

Margaret is relieved to hear the Pope has finally sanctioned a divorce from Archibald. Though she acknowledges she will have to let Archibald attend Parliament, she is free to marry again should she choose. She drinks to her success with Henry Stewart, acknowledging he is quite handsome…

Henry has grown his beard out again, but this time refuses to shave when Catherine reminds him she hates beards. He insinuates to Anne Boleyn she could be his mistress, but she refuses after seeing how he’s treated her sister.

Princess Mary is formally betrothed to the French king’s son and there is a joust to celebrate. Henry competes with the motto “Declare, I Dare Not”, in stark contrast to Sir Loyal Heart in episode 1, and Catherine is confused.

With the celebrations over, an emotional Henry and Catherine must say goodbye to their daughter. Together they watch on as Mary, helped by Margaret Pole, prepares to leave court for her own estates in the Welsh Marches. As he holds his wife, Henry’s gaze cannot help but drift to a smiling Anne Boleyn nearby…

Embracing her daughter, Catherine gives Vives’ book to Mary as a farewell present. She promises her she will one day be queen of France - and England.

In a flash forward years later, Henry and Catherine’s daughter Mary is crowned the first queen regnant of England, to great rejoicing.

The last episode basically comes full circle to the first, with several parallels:

France are enemies/friends

Henry jousts for Catherine/Anne

Catherine loses Prince Hal/Princess Mary

Henry and Catherine are crowned/Mary is crowned

and we all know how the future will be, with a queen replaced because she can’t produce a male heir…

[drlokiren]

I posted 3,447 times in 2021

123 posts created (4%)

3324 posts reblogged (96%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 27.0 posts.

I added 1,063 tags in 2021

#0 - 23 posts

#the terror - 396 posts

#jared harris - 186 posts

#francis crozier - 145 posts

#james fitzjames - 99 posts

#thomas jopson - 77 posts

#the terror amc - 53 posts

#tobias menzies - 31 posts

#fitzier - 29 posts

#texts from last night - 24 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#& then when u read the battersby biography it gets even better cuz you realize he was fitzy's dumbass sidekick from the birdshit island days

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

Latest in our Jared Harris watch was Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows. I had only seen once before, in the theater with my dad. I immediately thought Jared was super hot but disconnected my brain because I didn’t want to think about his hotness next to my dad. Jared is my absolute favorite portrayal of Moriarty. The quiet intensity, the Irish lilt in his voice, watching him lecture about math, watching him get off on torturing Holmes. And then there is Moran and I am convinced that those two were in a relationship. I have deeply mixed feelings about the film overall thanks to the racism and the queer baiting but Jared’s performance is a tour de force. It’s the only version where I almost want Moriarty to win. Also Jared Harris looks amazing in every fucking outfit. The tweed suit and academic gown? Stunning! The suit with white tie and gloves? Wreck me, sir! And the man can absolutely rock a top hat. I am glad I was reintroduced to Jared’s performance and that some exquisite BDSM Moriarty/Moran fanfic exists.

23 notes • Posted 2021-06-25 03:18:52 GMT

#4

I also bought this Jared Harris wardrobe swatch. By the feel of the material, it came from a shirt. My inner Jopson damn near fainted. I have been petting it slightly obsessively.

24 notes • Posted 2021-09-07 23:12:24 GMT

#3

We had to watch the last few episodes of The Terror last night. Holy hell, what a powerhouse of a show, though I spent a great deal of time hiding in my wife’s boobs. More notes

1. Jared Harris continues to be amazing

2. I wish Adam Nagaitis had more scenes in Chernobyl because the man is super talented. On a related note, my wife and I are now working on a Cornelius All Along song

3. The love between Jared Harris and his valet is real and so heartwarming

4. I am very impressed with the way this show depicts male bonds and masculinity

5. So many characters I did not know I would cry for

6. The final episode almost broke me

What a roller coaster of a journey. Thanks to all the Jared Harris fans out there who pointed us in the right direction

29 notes • Posted 2021-03-28 14:47:14 GMT

#2

Hello Terrors! I’m getting really excited for Terror Camp but I have more exciting news! My panel “There Will Be Poems”: Depictions of Masculinity and Care in Modern Media has been accepted for the Northeast Modern Language Association conference in 2022! My work will involve discussion of true and false care and lots of tender Francis. I will be presenting my Terror research and I hope to get some feedback after Terror Camp. Hopefully in 2022 I can try to publish my work. It would make to so happy to discuss this amazing show and performances in a journal. I would like to thank everyone here who encouraged down. I’ve been down since my PhD graduation and it feels good to get back into academic stuff.

50 notes • Posted 2021-07-02 23:29:32 GMT

#1

So I just came across Jared Harris in The Other Boleyn Girl. My God. The beauty of that man is beyond compare. I have never seen a man moan like that in sex scenes and I need a very cold shower. Also seeing what that gorgeous ass looks like naked and being able to gaze upon the freckles was entirely too much. I would not have been able to handle this as a teen and I’m still shook as a 33 year old. Also really enjoyed the confessional style filming and the costumes weren’t so shiny as the Hollywood version. But Jared Harris had me swooning. I’m only sorry that there hardly any pictures of him from this masterpiece, presumably because he would break the internet.

62 notes • Posted 2021-06-04 05:26:37 GMT

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[hopelesshawks]

History of Us Part 11- Qualifiers

Summary: Once upon a time Todoroki and (y/n) were best friends. Now they haven’t spoken in years. When (y/n) is forced to transfer to UA, will she and Shoto reconnect or will their troubled past keep them apart? A childhood friends to enemies to lovers hybrid fic.

If you don’t want to see History of Us content blacklist #hopelesshou

Masterlist Kofi

The moment right before the start of the sports festival is shockingly nerve-wracking. Each step through the tunnels, closer to the main field of the arena, fills you with more dread and excitement and anticipation. You keep your head raised high, wearing your UA gym uniform proudly as the roaring of the crowd starts to meet your ears. With Bakugo on your right and Kirishima on your left, you almost feel invincible. This is your chance, your opportunity, to show everyone what you’re capable of and show all of Japan that you refuse to be defined by your father’s tainted legacy. Present Mic’s voice booms over the speakers, his grinning face plastered across the monitors as you finally step out onto the field, astroturf crunching beneath your feet as he sings the praises of hero course class 3A. The crowd’s enthusiastic cheering is addictive. You make a point to soak it in while you can. Right now each and every one of them see you as a hero. While some of the students lamented not being able to wear their costumes for the event, you were secretly glad for it. The uniform made you a generic UA student; for now, unburdened by the past.

“This never gets old,” Kirishima grins next to you as you all step into the central area and the other classes begin to filter out into the coliseum as well. A few of them grumble, giving the hero classes jaded looks, but even their ire cannot dampen the overall atmosphere. You instinctively find yourself seeking out a familiar pair of heterochromatic eyes, eventually finding them next to Midoriya, Iida, and Uraraka. You can’t help the way your heart trips over itself when you lock eyes with Shoto. Memories of the night before and of waking up in his arms float to the forefront of your mind and you scowl before shaking your head to physically dispel the image from your mind. You turn away from him, missing the hurt that flashes across his eyes. He redirects his attention back to Principal Nezu, chief umpire as usual for the third years. “Now Shoto Todoroki will give the class pledge,” Nezu announces before ceding the floor.

The school had made the executive decision not to let Bakugo give the pledge after that first year. Midoriya had nearly passed out when it was his turn second year (as much as he has grown, public speaking still isn’t quite his forte). This made Todoroki the obvious choice for this year’s class pledge. As he approaches the mic he can’t help but think of Bakugo’s first speech. He remembers Midoriya telling him later the apparent narcissistic declaration that Bakugo had made to be number one had actually been to box himself into a corner to make sure he followed through. The more he thinks on it the more Shoto relates to that desire. His eyes scan the crowd until he spots his father amongst the rest. He makes sure to make direct eye contact, his eyes boring into his father’s as he leans down to speak into the mic. “I pledge... that we will create a new legacy of our own and destroy legacies of old,” he says confidently. He thinks he sees a flash of hurt and disappointment in Endeavor’s eyes even from the great distance between them. He turns to stride down the stairs of the stage and he can’t help but seek you out amongst the crowd of fellow students, hoping you got the message.

You tense a bit as your heart skips another beat. That boy is going to give you heart palpitations. Bakugo nudges you harshly in the side, causing you to jerk your head to scowl at him. “You good, nerd?” he asks, concern softening his usual bite a fraction. “I’m great. Ready to start kicking ass,” you reply, pushing down all your Shoto-related feelings for examination later. “Good,” is all Bakugo replies before his attention returns to Nezu. You can’t help but smile a little at Bakugo’s concern. He’s a surprisingly good friend and you’re grateful Kirishima introduced the two of you. When the direct elimination round comes around you’ll be merciless, but you have full confidence the two of you will make it through the qualifiers and you know the two of you and Kirishima will make for a great team for whatever the second round will be. “Don’t forget loser. I better see you on the fucking podium,” you remind him with a smirk. “You ain’t gotta worry about me idiot. Worry about yourself,” he replies although there’s no heat behind the words and he’s smirking just as much as you.

As the first game is announced you resolve yourself to staying middle of the pack for now. You don’t want to draw too much attention and let everyone discover your identity too quickly. You’re keenly aware that the second round is almost always a team event and without knowing how many people will be on a team, you can’t rely on Bakugo and Kirishima. Furthermore, any team you’re on would only become a target. Bakugo would kill you if he knew you have no intentions of trying your all in the qualifying round of course but you have to be strategic. No one pays much attention to the lower ranks from round 1, it’ll be easier to slip under the radar. Then, in round 2, you’ll kick it up a notch to prove your worth. At that point winning will become the only important matter. Creating a new legacy while destroying the old, as Shoto put it.

So that’s exactly what you do. The first game is a so called “Tower of Terror” that had been constructed in the preceding weeks. The task is simple enough in theory: scale the tower, cross from there to the ramp connected to the stadium, and return to the field. Only rule is that falling off the tower entirely is an immediate elimination. The amount of people being promoted out of the qualifying round is, as usual, a secret but you do the math to get a good idea of how many would optimally be removed and think you have a good estimate to ensure you’ll remain relatively anonymous. Your strategy pays off and you finish in the 30s out of the approximately 50 who qualify. As you finish your slide down the ramp, glowing faintly as you heal the minor injuries you’ve collected, a fuming Bakugo is storming up to you and you roll your eyes.

“The fuck you doing half and half?” he demands as you dust yourself off. “None of your goddamn business Pomeranian,” you fire back. “What happened to trying to be the best huh? Didn’t think you were one for dirty tricks,” he accuses. You feel your temper starting to genuinely flare at that comment. “I’m not pulling dirty tricks I’m trying to survive asshole. Not all of us can afford to be showy right out the gate,” you seethe. “I didn’t take you for a coward.” “I didn’t take you for an idiot.” “Say that shit again and I’ll blast you out the fucking stadium.” “I’d like to see you fucking try.” Both of you grip hold of the front of each other’s shirts, your right hand raised as your quirk makes shadows pool in it and one of his hands raised already popping off explosions. Before either of you can draw more attention to yourselves or actually act on your anger, you’re frozen in place. Literally. “All that work you did to keep your identity under wraps will be for nothing if Present Mic or Nezu comment about you and Bakugo fighting between games. Especially if they decide to disqualify you over it,” Shoto says as he approaches the both of you before melting the ice keeping you and Bakugo from pummeling each other. “I don’t recall fucking asking you,” you spit back, whirring to face your former friend. “I’m only trying to help,” Shoto responds placatingly but it’s too late to quell your anger. “Well fucking stop trying to,” you tell him before storming off. You need to focus on the next event anyway and not stupid Shoto with his stupid face and his stupid need to stick his nose in your fucking business.

The second event is...

Rough.

To say the least.

You and Bakugo were still too pissed at each other to make a proper team so you’d ended up with Yaoyorozu, Denki, and Sero. You admired their quirks and objectively they were strong, but it wasn’t exactly a perfectly complementary combination of skills. Each member of the team was given a target they were required to protect, almost exactly like the provisional licensing exam held during your first year, except with one major twist. Every member of your team was linked together by a short leash attached to their wrists. Last four teams standing would advance to the finals. Without his costume or support items to help direct his lightning Denki’s quirk was difficult to utilize without risking stunning the entire team. Sero’s quirk was more useful but the placement of the leash made it difficult for him to use it without tugging around the hands of the teammates on either side of him. You and Yaoyorozu, the only two whose quirks weren’t actively impeded, struggled to compensate for the other two and coordinate your actions. In the end, the four of you had barely qualified, leaving you frustrated.

So much for crafting a new legacy.

As Present Mic gleefully announces that the teams of Midoriya, Bakugo, Monoma, and Yaoyorozu will be moving on, a picture of all those advancing flashing on the monitors, you can’t help but sink deeper and deeper into regret and frustration. The others head to the cafeteria as the lunch break is announced but you storm off in the opposite direction in hopes of getting an opportunity to cool off and clear your head before the break ends and the next game begins. The universe, however, seems to have other plans because instead you crash into another, much larger body. As you look up your apology shrivels up and dies on your tongue as you find yourself staring into the eyes of the only man who inspires similar ire in you as your father does.

Enji Todoroki aka Endeavor aka the (second) largest tool in the entirety of Japan.

“Where are you sneaking off to?” he asks, making no attempt to mask his suspicion of you. “None of your fucking business,” you retort. You move to step around him but he quickly steps back in front of you. “The cafeteria is the opposite direction,” Endeavor informs you. “Gee thanks, I had no idea even though I literally go to this fucking school,” you reply, each word dripping with sarcasm. “Then what could possibly have you traveling this direction instead?” “Like I said. None of your fucking business.” “Your suspicious behavior is my business. I made a mistake with a (y/l/n) before, I won’t make one again,” Endeavor swears and you reel back almost as if struck. “I am not my father,” you spit out. Your quirk activates unbidden in response to your anger, black shadows curling out of your clenched right hand and forearm. “Sure looks like it to me,” Endeavor scoffs, looking pointedly at the shadowy tendrils rising out of the right side of your body. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” a familiar voice asks from behind you and you wish the earth would swallow you up. Shoto steps around and in front of you, taking up an almost protective stance between you and his father. “Shoto step aside and-“ “No,” Shoto insists, staring down his father in challenge. He and Endeavor’s gazes stay locked in a silent argument, neither willing to back down, so you take the opportunity while they’re both distracted to slip away. You make it to about halfway down the hallway when a hand catches your shoulder. You whirl around knocking it away to find Shoto there looking genuinely stunned at your hostility. “Jesus christ will you fuck off!” you snap at him and maybe it isn’t fair but you’re frustrated and angry and you fought with one of your best friends and you’ve barely squeaked through each round so far and the last thing you are mentally or emotionally prepared to do is confront your increasingly complex thoughts on Shoto fucking Todoroki whose father just all but accused you of attempting to sabotage the competition.

“Hey I just wanted to check on you,” he says and for some reason, the show of compassion only pisses you off even more. “Why can’t you just leave me the fuck alone?” you demand. “Please (y/n) I-“ he tries to say, clearly confused by your rage. You know most of your anger is actually directed inwards and not at him but you don’t care. “I get that you are trying to grow as a person or whatever and pity me because you were a complete and utter dickhead a decade ago but I don’t want your fucking pity friendship so leave me the fuck alone Icyhot,” you spit with all the venom you can muster before promptly spinning around and continuing your path down the hallway, leaving a stunned Shoto behind.

No one needs to know that you’ve already started crying before you’ve even turned the corner away from him.

A/N: Oh you thought the good feelings from last chapter would last? Nah, have some angst 🙃

Taglist: @sorrythatspussynal @miss-bakugo-writes @pixelwisp @larkspyrr @sokkaandzukosimp @akkaso @sunaispretty @mindofess @todoplusultra @oliviasslut

[cakesunflower]

Just My Kind [Teacher!Calum AU] Part 5

Previous Parts: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

           “Seriously, Ms. Kline—you two look so cute!”

           Odessa let out a light laugh despite the heat pooling in her cheeks as one of her students, Marci, who was dressed as Padmé Amidala, grinned before pulling away from where she stood between Odessa and Calum after they posed with her for a picture. It was Halloween, and almost every student and teacher was dressed up, and during gym or lunch or the few minutes between classes, people were posing for pictures with one another—and many, mostly the girls, had approached Odessa and Calum so they could take a picture with the school’s Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy. They were almost as popular as the four gym teachers who dressed up as KISS.

           She and Calum had decided on recreating costumes from the scene of when Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth dance at Mr. Bingley’s ball, Odessa’s white dress and dark hair done in an updo remarkably resembling Kiera Knightley’s costume from the film. Odessa had felt a bit strange, walking into the school in a long white dress that was so soft against her skin, hair done up in braids and curls, but when she noted the costumes of her fellow teachers and students—seriously, the gym teachers had gone out with their outfits and makeup—Odessa had felt a bit more relieved.

           Especially when she saw Calum.

           Just like her, his costume starkly resembled Mr. Darcy’s suit from the very scene they were dressed up as. The dark coat with the white ruffled shirt underneath was a simple outfit, yet there was nothing simple about Calum. Although his blonde hair didn’t match Mr. Darcy’s traditionally dark locks—Calum had lamented about the lack of his natural hair color—he still looked classy and dangerously prince-like—and Odessa knew she wasn’t the only one who thought so. She was pretty sure she’d seen some of the young girls quite literally swoon at the sight of him, which was more amusing than disturbing.

           Just a few hours after school had let out, Odessa arrived to Luke and Sierra’s place, noting the cars that were already in the driveway and parked along the sidewalk. As she unbuckled her seatbelt, Calum grinned from the driver’s seat. “Ready to head in, Ms. Bennet?”

           Odessa scoffed, an amused smile upturning her lips. Calum had taken to calling her that throughout the school day, referring to himself as Mr. Darcy. Apparently he took Halloween pretty seriously, into it as much as the students were, and it was refreshing to be around his excitement. As the two of them approached the door, Odessa mused, “So what’s the prize for the costume contest?”

           Yes, Luke and Sierra were holding a costume contest, which Odessa had found out a few days ago when Luke had reminded her to use that as motivation to get a good costume. When Odessa had asked him what the prize was, he had promptly told her it was a secret—but Odessa knew him well enough to know that was his way of stalling because at the time, he hadn’t thought of a prize yet.

           “Pretty sure it’s one of those Visa gift cards,” Calum snorted before shrugging. “But it’s for a couple of hundred bucks and I wouldn’t say no to that,” he added with a boyish grin and quick raise of his eyebrows, and Odessa chuckled in agreement, her breath fogging in front of her in the cold night air.

           The house, as expected, was filled with people dressed up obscurely, the spirit of Halloween alive as some remix of the Monster Mash played. Odessa was fairly certain it was the same one Principal Howell played that morning prior to the first bell ringing. People all around her were dressed as fictional characters, as their own versions of different occupations, video game characters, and she was pretty sure she’d caught a glimpse of two people dressed in the classic salt and pepper costume. Halloween related decorations were up as well, decals of spiders and bats on the wall, Jack-O-Lanterns placed around the house, and even a damn smoke machine in certain places that had people’s feet disappearing below the ankles.

           They decided to find their friends first, all of them gathered in the back den around a beer pong table, and Odessa suppressed a laugh at the sudden sensation of feeling as though she was back in college. Not that she’d ever played much beer pong; it wasn’t her sort of thing.

           Sierra was the first one to catch sight of them approaching, eyes lighting up with a wide grin as she gasped, her voice traveling over the hum of the music and everyone else as she exclaimed, “Oh, my God—your costumes look even better than I thought!”

           Her words caught everyone’s attention before they all looked over to Odessa and Calum approaching them, earning enthusiastic greetings as Michael raised an eyebrow at them. “Who’re you two supposed to be?”

           Odessa could ask him the same thing, but she vaguely remembered Calum telling her that he and Crystal were dressing up as some anime characters. “We’re Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth from Pride and Prejudice, you uncultured shit,” Calum responded with a scoff, bumping his fist with Ashton’s as he came to stand next to him. “Our students loved it,” he added, a proud grin on his face as his gaze met Odessa’s. She couldn’t fight back the smile that quirked her lips in response.

           “Yeah, I’ll bet,” Paige said with a smile that, just by giving her one glance, Odessa knew was strained.

           Paige’s eyes met Odessa’s then, and she instantly recognized the irritation that darkened her hazel eyes. Odessa bit the inside of her cheek, taking a breath and instinctively breaking her gaze with Paige’s, not wanting to actively be on the receiving end of her silent scowl. No doubt Calum essentially dressing up in a couple’s costume with anyone but her was grating at Paige’s nerves, and Odessa had a strong feeling if she wasn’t on Paige’s shit list before, she definitely earned a spot now. The glare Paige had practiced into a look of neutrality—one that Odessa was too familiar with—rested on her face, razor-like eyes settled on Odessa.

           Adamant on keeping her gaze averted from Paige’s, Odessa looked at Luke and offered a smile. “Weren’t you a vampire when we were seniors?”

           Luke scoffed, clearly unperturbed by his repeated costume. “Yeah—but now I’ve got someone to complete the look,” he reasoned with a dimpled grin, dropping his arm around Sierra’s shoulders. Odessa smiled at the sight, taking in her matching vampire costume and makeup, noting the clever detail of fake blood trailing down the corners of Luke’s lips to match the painted on red bite marks on the side of Sierra’s neck.

           Ashton rolled his eyes, giving the couple a pointed look as he said, “If you two win the costume contest, then this shit is rigged.”

           As Sierra told Ashton that wouldn’t happen, KayKay, who was appropriately dressed as Winona Ryder from Beetlejuice, looked over at Odessa and Calum, a smile on her face as she raised her eyebrows and asked, “So your students understood your costumes’ reference?”

           Odessa huffed out a laugh. “I would’ve cried if they didn’t.” Though, it wouldn’t be too surprising, she figured. Not every, if any, high school student knew the beauty of Jane Austen.

           Next to her Calum chuckled before, leaning closer, he asked, “I’m gonna grab a beer—you want anything?”

           She wasn’t in the mood to do any heavy drinking tonight, so she opted for one as well. “I’ll have the same, thanks.”

           He acknowledged her request with a boyish wink, one that foolishly warmed Odessa’s cheeks, before he turned to head towards the kitchen. Odessa tuned back into whatever conversations her friends were having upon his leave, only to have Crystal lean close and smile, “You two would honestly be so cute.”

           She said it quietly, only loud enough for Odessa to hear, and although Crystal’s words had Odessa’s heart stopping for a moment, she also pressed her teeth together when oblivious to Crystal, Paige shot the blonde woman a glare behind her head. Clearly she heard what Crystal said, the idea of Calum with Odessa not one she was in support of as her jaw tightened before her sharp eyes met Odessa’s blue. Her stare was firm, intense, as if she was silently challenging Odessa to agree with Crystal’s statement.

           Odessa’s stomach twisted. The subtle giddiness she’d felt over Crystal’s comment was overshadowed by the anxious guilt—guilt for what? She had no reason to feel guilty!—that stirred in the pit of Odessa’s stomach under Paige’s irritated glare. She didn’t even look hurt at the thought of overhearing someone else would ‘look cute’ with the guy she supposedly had a claim over—just downright annoyed.

           In the back of Odessa’s mind, she wondered if Paige genuinely liked Calum, or just liked the idea of him.

           “No, no, we’re just friends,” Odessa told Crystal, a light yet nervous laugh accompanying her words. She wasn’t sure if she was defending, protesting, denying so she could ease her heart rate or subsequently let Paige know she wasn’t trying to step on her toes. Or feelings. Whichever. Even if the thought of her and Calum made her heart flutter. “There’s nothing like that going on.”

           Crystal shrugged, still unaware of Paige listening in, as mirth danced in her blue eyes. “Maybe there should be,” she hummed.

           One look at Paige and Odessa knew she vehemently disagreed.

           Before Odessa could swallow the small lump that had formed in her throat and reply to Crystal, Calum reappeared next to her, handing her a bottle of Stella Artois with a smile. He held his own out, waiting for her to clink her bottle with his as he greeted, “Miss Bennet.”

           She looked at him, felt some of the tension ease from her muscles as he pulled out a smile from her so effortlessly. Calum was smiling, as always, dark eyes glimmering against the dimmed lighting of Luke’s house. With an amused shake of her head, Odessa asked not for the first time, “You take this seriously, don’t you?”

           Calum grinned, bringing the bottle up to his lips as he offered a shrug. “Just a little.”

           Conversations continued along with the music that was playing, and as Odessa watched Calum engage in a round of beer pong against KayKay, Luke leaned against the wall next to Odessa and asked, “So are you chaperoning that field trip Cal was telling me about? To Big Bear?”

           “Oh, yeah,” Odessa answered with a hum as she remembered. It was a weekend trip for the juniors and seniors between Thanksgiving weekend and Christmas break, and Odessa had signed up to be a chaperone, and given that Big Bear was going to have snow around this time of year, she needed to do some winter packing. “I’m excited.”

           Luke raised an eyebrow at her, although her gaze remained on the beer pong game going on in front of them. “Do you even know how to ski?”

           Rolling her eyes, she told her friend, “I don’t have to ski to enjoy the resort, Luke.”

           Paige shook her head, sipping her drink before asking, “If you don’t even know how to ski, why bother going?”

           She sounded unimpressed, patronizing, and Odessa had a feeling she was the only one who picked up on it—and maybe Luke, who knew Paige almost as well as she did. Inhaling a silent, calming breath, Odessa kept her expression relaxed and offered a shrug. “I want to see snow.” God, there was no reason for her to even have to explain herself.

           Paige rolled her eyes, hiding her sneer behind the rim of her cup as she took another sip, and Odessa clenched her jaw as she looked away from her. Her annoyance with Paige was mixing in with the ever present nerves that made themselves known when she was in her presence, and Odessa did her best to just focus on the beer pong game going on.

           It was a close game, both KayKay and Calum good at the act of tossing ping pong balls into cups, letting out a chuckle as KayKay tossed the ball in the last cup standing and missing. Her groan was drowned out by everyone’s exclaims, and as Calum picked up the ball, ready to toss it into the single cup left for him as well, his brown eyes met Odessa’s blue. Then, with a boyish wink, he said, “This one’s for you, Miss Bennet.”

           Odessa’s eyebrows shot up, unsure if she wanted to laugh or have the ground open up beneath her. He definitely wasn’t making things easier for her against Paige—not that he was under any obligation to.

           He certainly wasn’t making it any easier to completely discard Paige’s glares and revel in the warmth he spread throughout her own cheeks.

           Calum tossed the little white ball, and everyone let out a cheering exclaims as it landed in the cup with a muted plop! that had him smirking triumphantly. Odessa let out a laugh as Calum came to stand next to her, arm dropping around her shoulders as he smirked, “Think you’re my good luck charm, Essa.” He frowned at himself momentarily before shooting her a sheepish smile. “In a way that’s not objectifying at all, I mean.”

           She snorted with a shake of her head, though Odessa definitely found it endearing that Calum would think she’d ever find anything he said as objectifying. Still, as amused as she was by him, she couldn’t entirely ignore the warmth in her cheeks at their sudden proximity—or his sentiment of her being his good luck charm. They stood closely together, his heat seeping into her skin through the thin material of the dress she wore, and Odessa hoped her makeup and the dim lighting of the den would mask the pink blush she could feel spreading through her face. The knowing smirk Crystal shot her way didn’t help.

           “I don’t really have any winter clothes,” Odessa chuckled as she watched Sierra make herself a drink, leaning against the counter. “I think I need to buy at least one coat for the cold.”

           It was some time after watching Calum and KayKay’s beer pong game, and Odessa had ended up in the kitchen with Sierra, the party continuing around them. There was a girl in an Elsa costume making out with a guy dressed up as a firefighter next to the fridge. Meanwhile, Odessa and Sierra were discussing the field trip Odessa was going on soon, and how her lack of winter clothes was going to make it a bit difficult for her to stay warm in the snowy mountains. Truth be told, Odessa hadn’t even been aware California had those, so she was wholly unprepared for the trip to Big Bear Mountain.

           “Oh, you can borrow one of mine!” Sierra offered with a smile. With a laugh, she added, “I’m from the east coast, so I’ve got a couple of coats. I’m pretty sure we’re the same size.”

           Odessa’s eyes lit up in hope. “Really? You sure?”

           “Yeah, of course,” Sierra answered with a shrug. “It’s not like I need to wear ’em anyway. Plus you won’t be wasting money. No big deal.”

           Letting out a sigh of relief, Odessa held her nearly empty bottle of beer to her chest as she said, “You’re a life saver.”

           Sierra grinned before taking a sip of her drink, tasting it. When she was satisfied with it, her dark eyes met Odessa’s blue, and she saw the mischief spark in them. “No problem—although I’m sure Calum would be more than happy to warm you up if you get too cold.”

           Unfortunately, Odessa had been taking a sip of her drink too, and she wished the music and people chattering muted Sierra’s words because as soon as they registered in Odessa’s head, she coughed in surprise, eyes widening as she gaped at her amused friend. Heart drumming within her chest, Odessa gave a shake of her head as she sputtered stupidly, “What?”

           Sierra shot her a look, one that was silently asking Odessa who she was trying to fool, and it only made her cheeks flame up. God. Was it everyone’s goal tonight to make her face permanently red? She folded into herself, lips pressing together as Sierra scoffed. “Come on, Odessa—you two are so obviously into each other in, like, the most wholesome way. I say instead of waiting for him to make the move, you do it. Cal’s way above the average clueless man but, y’know, he’s still a guy and they can be clueless.”

           Odessa had no idea what to say or do except stare at her friend in mortified shock, and Odessa kind of hated that she felt embarrassed at all. Like she was in middle school and someone just exposed her crush on the popular boy or something. The worst part was. . . Odessa wasn’t sure if she was flustered because Sierra was right to conclude that Odessa liked Calum, or because Odessa knew that other people’s acknowledgment of it would make whatever the hell her situation with Paige was all the more complicated and stressful. Stepping on Paige’s toes was the last thing she wanted to do, and in wanting to avoid it, Odessa was somehow doing just that.

           Her throat worked as she glanced away from Sierra, only for her gaze to land on their friends in the living room. She caught them all by the couch and instantly Odessa’s gaze locked in on Calum sitting on one end of the couch—and Paige sitting on the arm rest, as close to him as she could be without literally being on his lap. The sight tugged something painfully in Odessa’s chest and she frowned at herself; she had no right to feel jealous.

           Was this how Paige felt when she watched Calum put his arm around Odessa, how she felt when she was subjected to Odessa’s closeness with Calum? When Odessa first moved into town, Paige had made it quite clear, in just a few words, that Calum was basically off limits—which was gross and territorial in Odessa’s opinion, but she truly had tried her best to respect Paige’s so-called claim—ew. But it wasn’t easy, not with Calum and her working together and their friendship developing within the school and out of it. Being friends with him was so effortless, and falling for him had happened somewhere in between. Odessa couldn’t ever hope to pinpoint when exactly her feelings for him grew—it had happened quickly, blindly.

           Maybe she was in the wrong. For someone who hadn’t wanted to encroach on Paige’s feelings for Calum, Odessa was doing just that splendidly. She didn’t know whether what Paige felt for Calum was purely physical or something deeper, and it wasn’t any of Odessa’s business in the first place. Either way, she should’ve respected whatever feelings Paige had for Calum and kept her distance, for all of their sakes. She’d screwed up.

           As if feeling her gaze on him, Calum glanced away from where he was listening to Ashton talk to the group, his gaze searching past the bodies moving in the space between where he sat and Odessa stood until his eyes met hers. Odessa froze where she stood, watching as a smile upturned Calum’s lips and he nodded at her boyishly, the mundane gesture prompting her to suck in a silent breath. But before she could return the smile, Odessa felt another pair of eyes on her, and her gaze flickered just a bit for her blue eyes to meet Paige’s sharp hazel ones; watching, challenging, narrowing. She’d clearly seen Calum’s little acknowledgment to Odessa and hadn’t liked it too much.

           Oh, for fuck’s sake.

           Odessa looked away from them, catching Sierra’s eye and offering a smile that felt too nervous. “No one’s gonna be making any moves, Sierra,” she told her, not unkindly. “It’d be too complicated.” Finishing off her drink, Odessa tossed her empty bottle in the bin told her friend hastily, “I’m gonna head to the bathroom.”

           “Oh, here,” Sierra stopped her, digging into the pocket of her leather pants and handing her a key. Odessa took it with a raised brow and Sierra laughed. “It’s the key to our bedroom—I’d rather you use our bathroom than face whatever mess in the others.”

           Odessa let out a small chuckle, taking the key with an appreciative smile before exiting the kitchen hastily, letting out a breath as she reached the stairs and headed up. The distance she was putting between herself and her friends made it easier to breathe as she made her way around the dressed up party goers and found the master bedroom, using the key to unlock the door and step inside.

           The room felt significantly cooler than the rest of the house, the lack of body heat making the air conditioner a lot more effective as Odessa walked to the ensuite bathroom Sierra so graciously provided her access to.

           The sound of the flush momentarily muted the music blasting throughout the house, and as Odessa washed her hands, she let out a long sigh. She gazed at her reflection, took in the subtle glittering of her cheekbones and bright blue eyes framed by long eyelashes, and Odessa eyebrows knitted together in an involuntary frown. In the quiet of the bathroom, the party beyond the bedroom muffled, Odessa gave herself a moment to erase the image of Paige and Calum merely sitting by one another—God, how pathetic was she to be bothered by that?—and mull over Sierra’s words, as well as Crystal’s.

           Odessa desperately wished her friends’ comments were just teasing, were derived from, to put it grandly, their shared delusion that there was something between Odessa and Calum. But she had a sinking feeling that it wasn’t, that if both of them were picking up on something, then it was because there was something to pick up on. Despite Odessa’s attempts of not acting on whatever she felt for Calum out of respect for a girl she barely considered a friend.

           She didn’t even to consider the slim possibility of Calum returning her feelings. Odessa genuinely would not know what to do then; she wasn’t a selfish person—at least, she liked to think she wasn’t. But she had a feeling if she found out that Calum liked her back, she would become one, Paige be damned.

           That’s how it should’ve been in the first place. Odessa clenched her jaw, shushing the voice in her head that normally sounded reasonable. Right now, it was just asking for trouble.

           After drying her hands and smoothing down her dress, she exited the bathroom while bracing herself to head back downstairs, eyebrows raising when she heard a knock on the locked bedroom door. When Odessa opened it, she fought to keep her expression neutral when she saw Paige standing in the hallway. “Hey—I have to use the bathroom. Sierra said you’d let me in.”

           “Oh.” Odessa blinked, nodding. “Yeah, sure.”

           Paige stepped inside and Odessa glanced down at the key in her hand. Deciding she’d rather hand it off to Paige than wait for her, Odessa made to turn towards her, only to be cut off by Paige’s sharp voice. “Are you, like, into Calum?”

           Odessa gaped at her, mouth drying at the sudden question. She shouldn’t be surprised at Paige’s bluntness at this point, yet she still found herself freezing in shock. “I’m not—”

           “Come on, Odessa—don’t lie to me,” Paige cut her off with an empty scoff, shooting her a blank look. “It’s so obvious you’ve got a thing for him—you’re not doing a great job in hiding it.” She crossed her arms over her chest, even further accentuating the tight bodice of her Cruella de Vil costume. Odessa tried not to find irony in her costume. The smoky eyeshadow only seemed to intensify her sharp gaze and Odessa hated that she had to fight the urge to bristle. “So, seriously—what the hell is going on?”

           “I—nothing,” Odessa told her, stressing her answer. It was true enough—nothing was going on, not between her and Calum. But her own thoughts and feelings were her own. Odessa didn’t owe Paige any insight on what she was feeling. She hated that she even felt guilty about something she couldn’t quite control, but it wasn’t like she had acted on it. She was doing everything she could to respect that—and it was hard when she saw Calum five days out of the week; sometimes more if they saw each other on the weekend. The line between feeling platonic fondness and actual attraction—more than in just the physical sense—had blurred and Odessa couldn’t hope to figure out when. “Calum and I are just friends, Paige. It’s not like that.”

           Paige scoffed again, utterly unimpressed as she rolled her hazel eyes. “Either you think I’m an idiot, or you genuinely have no idea how obvious your feelings for him are.” Her tone turned mocking. “The whole work husband-wife thing, these costumes? It’s pathetic, Odessa.”

           Air caught in Odessa’s throat, and she wasn’t sure if it tightened from anger or her suppressing the need to harshly scoff. She was calling Odessa pathetic? It was both ironic and hypocritical of Paige to deem Odessa as such, not when she practically latched onto Calum whenever they were in the same room. Paige wouldn’t be mouthing off so much if she knew whatever she was trying to accuse Odessa of was actually all Calum’s doing.

           And, God, Odessa absolutely loathed that she was shitting on another woman over a guy—hated that she was thinking lowly of Paige at all, despite the other having no problem in making Odessa feel like that. She never did—not back in college, nor now. But Odessa had never stooped to Paige’s level; she always kept her bitter and annoyed thoughts to herself, and even then, scolded herself for ever thinking them. She wanted to be better than how people like Paige treated her. And, sure, no one would know what Odessa was thinking but herself, but it still made her feel guilty.

           Her aggravated thoughts and the music playing throughout the house did little to drown out Paige’s words from Odessa’s head, and she bit the inside of her lower lip at the heat flooded her face once more. No. She couldn’t let Paige get to her. At the very least, she couldn’t let Paige show that she did. She wouldn’t let her have that kind of power over her.

           Odessa took in a breath through her nose, willing herself to calm down, at least for a moment. She didn’t like hurling insults and vicious words to someone else. Pushing past the guilt, anger, and embarrassment, she calmly repeated, “Calum and I are just friends, Paige.” With a lift of her chin, she added, “If you can’t accept that, then it’s not my problem. I don’t have to explain myself to you.”

           Paige’s lips parted, clearly caught off guard by Odessa’s words, a short huff of a breath escaping her. But instead of giving her the chance to respond, Odessa placed the key on the dresser next to her before turning and stepping out of the room. “Make sure you lock the door behind you,” she added before shutting it behind her and reintegrating herself into the thriving party.

           It was once the door was clicked shut behind her that Odessa let out a deep sigh. Some of the tension she inherently felt whenever she was around Paige left her body—not just because a door now separated them, but because the words Odessa had uttered seemed to have edged off some of her body’s rigidness permanently. Not all, but it was a start.

           Odessa frowned to herself as she made her way down the hall, moving around the few people lingering. She had no doubt that Paige’s words were coated in jealousy, she’d heard it in her voice, but that didn’t mean they didn’t startle Odessa. Especially adding onto Sierra and Crystal’s—albeit kinder—assumptions. When it came to letting her feelings, specifically in the romantic sense, be known, Odessa wasn’t an expert. She didn’t often get into relationships, mostly because she wasn’t the best in expressing who she wanted. Her last serious relationship had been in college, and although since then she’d taken her fair share part in hook up culture, true romance hadn’t really knocked on her door.

           Not that it had now, either. But even she couldn’t ignore her constantly growing feelings for Calum. And despite her efforts in trying to hide them, she hadn’t been entirely successful. Her childish embarrassment stemmed from her friends figuring out her feelings without her meaning to, and it led Odessa into wondering if Calum picked up on it, too. That’s what was embarrassing; not her feelings.

           Odessa shook her head as she went down the stairs. When was she going to stop letting Paige get into her head?

           More importantly—when was she going to move past the habit of keeping herself from indulging in her feelings?

           She reached the bottom of the stairs and her gaze went right to where she’d last seen her friends by one of the couches. Calum was grinning, drinking a White Claw, the smile on his face bright as he animatedly laughed at something deaf to Odessa’s ears. The sight of him made her chest tighten, her heart yearn. Odessa was completely oblivious to when and how she’d fallen for Calum so quickly, so fucking hard, and that sense of losing control was kind of terrifying. He made her smile so easily, made her feel at ease despite her roaring thoughts. Acknowledging the extent of her feelings for him should be exciting, right?

           She failed to swallow the lump in her throat. It seemed as though allowing herself to indulge in her feelings wouldn’t start tonight.

*****

           “You didn’t have to get up so early, Grams. I have Lettie to keep me company,” Odessa laughed lightly, scratching the top of the feline’s head as Grams poured herself some tea.

           “True, but this one doesn’t talk back much,” Grams responded, sitting down at the small table across from Odessa. It was early on Friday morning, and with it being a county holiday, it made for the perfect day to get a head start on the three day weekend trip to Big Bear Mountain. She would have to get to the high school soon to receive her bus roster and make sure all the students who were supposed to be in attendance were present. Grams’ eyes met Odessa’s. “There’s been something bothering you, baby, and I wanted to see if you wanted to talk about it before you left.”

           Odessa paused in absently stirring her bowl of Cheerios, frowning at her grandmother. “I don’t—I’m fine, Grams,” she said with a breezy laugh, hoping it sounded convincing.

           Her grandmother was perceptive, gazing at her unconvincingly. It was still early in the morning, the sun just slowly rising, and Odessa could see orange and red painting the sky as some sunlight streamed in through the window above the kitchen sink. “Something’s been on your mind, Odessa,” Grams pushed gently, the concerned look reappearing in her blue-grey eyes. “I don’t want you going away on this trip with something weighing you down. Maybe I can help.”

           Chewing her cereal, Odessa’s grip on the spoon tightened as she considered her grandmother’s words. She was right, of course; something was weighing her down, had been since Luke and Sierra’s Halloween party where she’d had her little confrontation with Paige. And where Odessa and Calum had won the couples part of the costume contest. Man, that had only pissed Paige off more, and Odessa kind of really hated she let the girl affect her so much.

           She really was pathetic, wasn’t she?

           “It’s just. . . Drama,” Odessa sighed, throat feeling dry despite the cold milk she was drinking. “Boy drama and girl drama and me being an idiot.”

           “You’re not an idiot,” Grams instantly chastised, a disapproving frown on her softly weathered face. “What drama?”

           Odessa twisted her lips to the side, frowning down at her nearly empty bowl. She’d been keeping all of this inside for so long—maybe talking to her grandmother would lessen whatever burden she felt on her shoulders. And heart. Maybe she’d see the light of herself being so fucking dramatic.

           “I like Calum.” It was a fact. A firm and true as the earth being round and the sky being blue. And yet, uttering out loud in the otherwise quiet of the kitchen, of confessing it to even just her grandmother—it felt like the fist that was wrapped around Odessa’s heart had loosened substantially. She thought of Calum, and she not only pictured his warm eyes and kind smile, but his love for Toni Morrison and talent for writing beautiful songs as well as his loud passion for teaching and coaching. She saw the enthusiasm he taught with, the leadership he coached with, and the kindness he never left home without. He was gorgeous inside and out and Odessa liked him with every fiber of her being.

           As frightening as it was to admit that, it was just as freeing.

           “But so does Paige. I mean, I think she does—”

           “What do you mean, think?” Grams asked with a frown. Before that, though, Odessa hadn’t missed her smile when she uttered her own confession.

           Letting out a sigh, Odessa briefly explained the way Paige presented her attraction to Calum—how it seemed more physical and territorial than consisting of true feelings. Of course, Odessa also acknowledged that all of that was conjecture, because she didn’t truly know how Paige felt. She merely stated what she saw when she watched and listened to Paige talk about Calum. Odessa wouldn’t hold her own feelings above Paige’s, no matter how much she didn’t like her. The only thing Odessa could be sure of was her own feelings.

           “And I don’t—” Odessa let out a tired sigh. “I don’t want to have issues with another girl over a guy. It’s so juvenile and just not what I stand for, you know? But I like him a lot, Grams. Him being my coworker is complicated enough—but other than that, how could I even act on my feelings knowing that Paige is interested too?”

           Not to mention the fact that she and Calum had slept together already before. That was a fact Odessa tried to keep out of her mind as much as she could. Because if she were to dwell on it, the realization of Calum wanting to be with Paige over her would suffocate her unforgivingly. But, God, what if she was already setting herself up for an inevitable heartbreak?

           This is why she didn’t do feelings.

           “You’re making this far more complicated than it is, sweetheart.” Odessa’s eyes widened, gaping at Grams in disbelief. She was what? Grams’s expression sobered up, eyebrows lowering as she adopted a serious expression. “You’re not the other woman in this situation. As far as I can tell, there is no relationship between Calum and Paige that you’re disrupting. If you want to be with Calum, let him know, see how he feels. The worst he can do is tell you he wants to be friends, and you can stop focusing your attention on someone who doesn’t deserve it.” Grams scoffed, then. “Call me biased, but that boy would be crazy to not be interested in you, baby.”

           Odessa could feel her heart in her throat, despite logically knowing it was impossible. But some of Grams’s words had struck a chord—you’re not the other woman. Memories of her parents’ marriage falling apart flooded Odessa’s mind, remembering the unforgettable moments of her father’s secret family coming to light, watching as her parents’ already crumbling marriage turn into dust. Was that what Odessa was doing? Painting herself to be some kind of intruder infiltrating on Calum and Paige’s relationship—one that was very possibly just construed by Odessa’s own imagination and Paige’s fleeting comments—the way she always viewed her now-step-mother as in her parents’ marriage?

           The shaking guilt she felt suddenly made sense, and Odessa gasped before she could help it. Oh, yeah. Adolescent trauma loved screwing with one’s head, didn’t it?

           Her conversation with Grams was all that replayed in Odessa’s head as she drove to the school, not even bothering with the radio. Odessa chewed on her lower lip as she drove, frowning at herself for her behavior for the past week. She’d kept her interactions with Calum as minimal as she could; brief conversations in the teacher’s lounge, only passing hello’s in the hall, not waiting for him to come by her room after school when he didn’t have to coach soccer practice so they could walk to the parking lot together. If Calum picked up on her distancing actions, he didn’t make a comment on them, yet Odessa hadn’t missed the occasional frowns that drew together his eyebrows when she’d cut their conversations short by making up some excuse or another to get away.

           She was being childish. Unreasonable. Scared. Paige’s comments from the party had stung more than Odessa would care to admit, and she let it influence the way she was around Calum. Maybe, she had hoped, it would dull some of what she felt for him. It only seemed to do the opposite.

           What now, though? They were two of the six teacher chaperones for this trip. She couldn’t quite avoid him for the entire weekend. Did she even want to? Perhaps. Despite being vocal about her feelings—even if it was just to Grams—Odessa still needed to figure out whether or not she wanted to act on them, feeling the need to reconsider her course of action. In a confusing and twisted sense, being around Calum would only make the deciding process all the more muddled.

           Odessa sighed. She was being crazy. But it made sense to her and, at the end of the day, she was learning that that’s what mattered.

           Between seven-thirty and eight-thirty, the time passed quickly as students and teachers arrived to the school, all carrying duffels and small carry-ons containing their weekend belongings. Odessa stood by Diana Vogel, a biology teacher and one of the other chaperones, as the two chatted about the trip and having to sit on a two hour bus ride with dozens of students. Hopefully the early morning would allow for many of them to get some more sleep.

           Slowly, as the parking lot filled with more students arriving, it grew bustling, the air filled with a low hum of chatter as everyone waited for attendance and to board the waiting charter buses. Odessa passed her time by chatting with Diana, with some students, and at one point her gaze wandered over to a familiar black SUV pulling into its designated parking spot, and Odessa was only absently listening to Diana talk about her excitement to see snow as she watched Calum step out of the vehicle. He looked comfortable in black track pants and a red hoodie, a small suitcase in hand as he greeted some of the soccer players who immediately went over to him.

           Their eyes met from where they stood, a distance between them that could easily be closed, but Odessa remained put. Her moment alone with her thoughts on the drive to school hadn’t really helped her reach a decision of what she wanted to do. Distance was good. Distance would help.

           Even if the frown on Calum’s face she caught before breaking their gaze had her chest tightening.

           Soon enough, once everyone had seemed to arrive, Mrs. Greggs—who was also the freshman advisor and who was ultimately in charge—distributed lists to all of the other chaperones which consisted of which bus was theirs, which students were to be on it, and who their chaperone partner was.

           Odessa glanced down at the list and bit back a curse. Calum’s name stared back at her and at this point, Odessa wasn’t quite sure if the universe was on her side or against it.

           She glanced up, as if feeling Calum’s gaze on her, their eyes locking for a moment. He offered a small smile and Odessa hated that he hesitated in showing her it, a reminder how her self imposed distancing from Calum was effecting him too, and she mustered up a smile back. It was always so easy to smile at Calum. Why was she making things so difficult for them? For herself?

           “Alright—load ’em up!” Mrs. Greggs announced after anyone who needed to quickly go to the bathroom returned, gesturing towards the buses.

           As she neared the bus she was to go on, Odessa saw Calum standing by the compartments where everyone was going to toss in their carry-ons and duffel bags, and he looked at Odessa as she neared them. “I’ll help them with the bags, you go on the bus?” he questioned, raising an eyebrow to see if that was okay with her.

           Odessa nodded, pressing her lips together and offering a smile at the same time. “Sounds good,” she said, pulling her carry-on forward.

           Calum reached out. “I got it,” he said, and Odessa’s heart thumped as he took it from her before carefully placing it in the compartment.

           She thanked him quietly, unsure if he even heard as he helped one of the girls with hers, and Odessa boarded the bus with a smile towards the bus driver. She and Calum were to sit in the front, so she claimed the two front right seats, back against the window and list in hand as she watched students board the bus. They were all talkative as they did so, some making sure to greet her, and Odessa smiled in return as she took in some of the faces that were familiar and others that were not. She only taught freshman and sophomores, and since this trip was for juniors and seniors, the only students she knew were ones she’d occasionally see in the hallway, the soccer players, or the students she’d see at the games.

           She watched as students settled next to their friends on the seats, chattering away in a quiet excitement about the trip. Though, she had been right—Odessa definitely picked up on several students looking forward to sleeping on the drive there.

           Calum was the last one to get on the bus, and once he stood by Odessa, he called for all the students’ attention, effectively silencing them, and Odessa then proceeded to call out attendance to make sure everyone who needed to be on the bus was present. Odessa focused on the task at hand rather than Calum standing right next to her, until it was done, and Mrs. Greggs came by to check if everything was ready.

           About five minutes later, they had left the school, which meant for Odessa and Calum to be seated together for the next two hours and fifteen minutes. She kept her gaze out the window, watching as they passed by buildings and cars and people, trying her hardest not to focus on the tension between her and Calum she knew she was at fault for. Why was it difficult for her to continue to just act normal, be friends, instead of making things awkward by instilling some distance between them? How was that going to help?

           She knew she was being kind of ridiculous. And yet, she didn’t stop herself.

           Odessa couldn’t block out both of her ears to listen to keep herself occupied, given that she had to chaperone the students, so she merely put an earbud in her left ear, the closest to Calum, and began watching an episode of Dead to Me. She’s all too aware of Calum next to her, who’s pulled out a book to read. Odessa wished she could read something—the only transportation she could read a book on was a plane. Reading while in a car, bus, or train left her feeling lightheaded. Which, as a woman who enjoyed reading more than anything else, was quite frustrating.

           A little over an hour into the drive, Odessa was still watching her show and Calum was still reading his book, and despite herself, she wondered why he hadn’t tried to make conversation yet. The bus was relatively quiet; most of the students opted to catch up on some sleep, and those who were awake conversed in hushed tones. All Odessa could really hear, apart from the hum of the bus engine, was the audio from the show she was watching and the occasional scratch of a page turning when Calum was finished with it. His focus was only on what he read, never glancing at her once. And wasn’t that what she wanted? For there to be space?

           Odessa’s grip on her phone tightened. All she could do was watch her show and try not to think of Calum’s familiar cologne wafting over to her, or focus on the way his thigh occasionally brushed against hers where they sat. Grams’s words from earlier echoed through Odessa’s mind, overpowering the audio of the show. If you want to be with Calum, let him know.

           She glanced at him. His gaze was lowered to the book he was reading, features settled into a soft neutrality, eyelashes brushing his cheekbones every time he blinked. Blonde curls fell across his forehead and her fingers itched to brush them away. Odessa quickly looked backed to her phone just as his head ever so slightly turned towards her, cheeks on fire when she knew he’d caught her staring, could feel his gaze on her. Her throat worked, purposefully freezing her gaze on the screen.

           Fuck. What was she doing?

--

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