#1) i love too many topics not enough i could talk about for that long maybe. three max

[allthecastlesonclouds]

sometimes your mutual tags you in an ask game and you look at it and go “oh my god this looks SO fun. however i don’t know how to answer this”

[bouquetface]

SYNASTRY OBSERVATIONS 2

Accuracy influenced by entire natal chart. This is NOT a person read. Looking at only aspect or placement will only give general information.

Lilith conjunct ASC:

Strong attraction. A forbidden kind of attraction. Could be due to many reasons. Possible examples:

One is significantly older, One is already in a relationship at the time of meeting, One could be a coworker or person in authority.

Chiron conjunct ASC:

Chiron person could be triggered by ASC person. Due to their lifestyle, attitude or approach to life.

For EX, let’s say this occurs in the sign of gemini. This sign is typically fast, curious and communicative. The chiron person may have grown up misunderstood their entire lives. They struggle to communicate and/or be understood effectively. The ASC gemini person likely has a fast thinking, fast moving way of life. They’re curious, bore easily and move onto the next topic fast. If the ASC gemini person isn’t willing to slow down, they risk hurting chiron. As chiron may not feel they mix well with ASC person’s lifestyle.

Chiron conjunct Venus:

An amazing placement especially if the man is venus. Venus’s natural way of expressing love can heal chiron.

I’ve seen this happen in the sign of Capricorn. In past relationships, chiron questioned whether they were enough. Their ex critiqued them and negatively compared them to other women.

In their marriage with a Venus Cap, they feel absolutely appreciated and admired.

Sun conjunct Venus:

The couple above also has this aspect. The woman is a Cap sun, she naturally has the traits this Venus Cap desires in a wife. The Venus Cap often talks highly about her. He tells her and others he can’t believe she even exists because she is his dream girl. He has said before he’s shocked someone so perfect would be with him. This aspect can be a good ego boost for the Venus person.

Venus conjunct Jupiter:

Really positive. When these two are together there is an abundance of love and joy. A good marriage/long term connection indicator. It’s hard to resist each other because of the good times/feelings you have when together.

The only downside, these two may overindulge too much when together. Leading to enabling behaviour. Possibly overspending and overdoing.

So while it can be good, 2 times I’ve seen this as Jupiter feeling drained in the end. They poured so much into Venus to keep them happy but Venus never felt satisfied/always desired more. The other 1 time I’ve known a couple with this aspect, it resulted in marriage. I believe this aspect may work better when Jupiter is the man & Venus is the woman.

Chiron conjunct Chiron:

This can manifest as bonding over similarities in your past struggles. However, if both are not in a matured stage of life, they may trigger each other. Bringing out the worst behaviours in each other.

Moon Square Moon:

This could create tension that leads to passion. Scorpio and fire sign venus may enjoy this aspect in their relationships. However, it may lead to emotional pain. Both could struggle to understand & properly care for the other.

Aries Moon Square Cancer Moon:

This is particularly difficult from what I’ve seen. The aries moon felt the cancer moon is “weak” and “overly sensitive”. The aries moon expresses passion in a more aggressive & teasing manner. The cancer moon, especially if they don’t have fire sign placements, could be hurt by this. They don’t understand and/or like the way aries moon’s expresses themselves.

COMPOSITE CHART OBSERVATIONS:

MC conjunct Uranus: To outsiders, the relationship feels unstable. The relationship may have on and off stages.

Mars in 12th. Generally, this isn’t a good placement. Indicates hidden resentment. One person likely does not fully understand the reason for the other’s anger/frustration.

- I’ve seen this manifest as a woman who many bad experiences with men in the past. This made her untrusting of her boyfriend. She feels past experiences made her take some frustrations out on her boyfriend. He did not fully understand her angry outbursts since he wasn’t doing anything wrong.

Moon in 12th. A positive manifestation is knowing what the other needs subconsciously. You are in tune with each other’s feelings on a deeper level.

A negative manifestation is one person’s emotional needs are not being met. For this reason, they are unable to feel comfortable and properly loved.

2nd house ruler in 12th. In my opinion, this is the worst to have. This suggests one’s ability to feel secure is lost. Trust does not come easy. Communication needs to be strong to overcome this placement.

12th H Libra

12th can reveal what may potentially break the couple up or be a hidden problem in the relationship. By hidden I mean issues that are repressed or a sub conscious issue.

In the sign of Libra, inability to compromise, inability to peacefully resolve problems and inability to be make decisions together could be a problem.

Venus in 12th H

The couple may struggle with emotional intimacy. The physical is easy and enjoyable but emotionally opening up is not.

This can indicate a relationship where for some reason the couple hides their love when in front of people. And/Or they hide their true feelings from each other.

This is a tricky placement. While the two are interested in one another, creating a harmonious connection is not easy. Peace is disrupted. The couple can be chaotic.

Jupiter in 12th H

This is actually positive in my experience. The couple has luck on their side to solve any issues. However, luck may not be enough to save the connection if it turns sour. Yet, there will be many opportunities to resolve their problems. The two have a genuine desire to fight for one another. The two can understand each other on an intuitive level. You just get each other.

Example: This is actually my friend’s observation. She observed in the composite of her parents, Jupiter and Venus are in conjunction in 12th H. She told me her parents have had a lot of struggles but remain happily together. There is an abundance of love.

Her mom once told her, her and her dad were literally made for one another. No matter what problems arises only the two of them will be able to help one another. No one else will be able to understand them.

Some astrologers say Venus is the wife and Jupiter is the husband so when conjunct in composite, it can be that saving grace placement.

Sun in First House

The relationship can be the main focus of your life. This can be good or bad. It’s not healthy to cut off your own personal life to cater to one person. But if you can maintain your own identities, this should be a good placement.

I’ve noticed when this is in composite the couple can become known for the relationship. Especially, if Sun is the 10th H ruler and/or if the 10th H has many planets.

Mars in First House

There can be a lot of energy in this relationship. Arguments are bound to happen in any relationship but for this one in particular there will be many. If you are two people who are good at resolving issues and kind of enjoy a more chaotic dynamic, this can work out well.

However, if you don’t like your peace disrupted and fights make you uneasy, this is not a good indicator for a relationship.

You may become known for being “that couple”. Good or bad. Depending on whether people find out about your fights.

Mercury in First House

You don’t fear judgement when together. You can talk about anything and everything. This is a good indicator. A couple that never runs out of things to talk about. It isn’t necessarily a romantic or sexual indicator. So if not supported by other placements in the chart, this can be a relationship where the spark dies out quickly. Better off as friends kind of relationship.

Uranus & Neptune in 4th H

This relationship has a rocky foundation. You may love the idea of what can be more than what is happening. Fantasizing about how you’ll become a better couple when in reality it’s not going so well.

This can be an on and off connection. Whether you are together and committed to one another is not always clear.

However, the positive manifestation is you both value freedom. You have mutual respect for one another. You may have a non traditional start to the connection. The two may constantly move around. You may have to leave home throughout your lives. Not necessarily negative it could be possibly due to work.

[ravens-two]

PAC: How will 2025 be like

This reading includes:

the general energy of 2025 for you

advice and an affirmation for the year ahead

The extended reading includes:

relationships in 2025

career in 2025

moodboard for 2025

Disclaimer: this is just for entertainment purposes, and as a pick-a-card reading it may not resonate for everyone.

Edit// because I somehow messed up and copied the wrong title for this pac 😭😭

TIPS | BOOK A READING WITH ME | PATREON | LINKTREE | SUGGEST A PAC TOPIC

Pile 1

Queen of Wands, Chariot, High Priestess

Tend (maintenance, encouragement, guidance), Unicorn, The Flame

"I drive fast, wind in my hair/ I push you to the limits 'cause I just don't care" - burning desire by lana del rey

Pile 1 your 2025 is certainly fiery. You're done being afraid, you're done always feeling like you can't actually achieve what you want, like you're not good enough. Those times are over, because you're entering 2025 with the intent of actually shaking things up. This year you're going after what you want and it doesn't even matter if you want multiple things because you're moving in multiple directions all at once. It seems like you've finally managed to find a way to keep yourself organized (be it keeping a journal or just using your time in better ways) and that's what allows you to go after so many different things. But, it's always important to remember not to sign up for too many things, pile 1. In the end you're only human and you can't do everything. Choose more intentionally.

With your song of the year being Burning Desire and with you having both the Queen of Wands and the High Priestess you're going to be irresistible this year, pile 1. I'm not sure if this is a glow up appearance wise - like you could be trying a new skincare routine that helps to clear your skin, you might lose or gain weight - or you might be changing up your style, dressing in a way that feels more authentic to who you are, or it could simply be your attitude, you carrying yourself with more confidence and sensuality. No matter what it is, you're definitely magnetic. Other people can't look away from you.

I also see you being filled with energy to dedicate yourself to many things and projects. This might not apply for everyone (at least in the same way) but I also see a lot of creative energy here. This year you might finally want to dedicate yourself to your artistic pursuits/hobbies whatever they may be (drawing, painting, dancing, writing, journaling, knitting, whatever it is). I also see you pursuing knowledge, if that makes sense, you want to try out new things and get more general knowledge - maybe you're reading the classics, watching documentaries, going to concerts.

Another thing that's really getting my attention about this year ahead for you is that you have no fear. Like, absolutely no fear at all. You're willingly to try anything once. I feel like in the past you've always held yourself back (if you have prominent Pluto or Saturn placements this might be even more relevant), and you're just sick and tired of it. You want to free yourself and so you're going into this year with the mentality of trying things, of being brave despite the anxiety and the fear. I'm really proud of you, pile 1.

Your rune for the year is Dagaz. Dagaz is the rune of sunrise and it represents new beginnings. This just continues the theme of empowering yourself and conquering your fears. Dagaz is very much a rune of hope. The night might have been long and dark, but the sun always rises and this year the sun is rising for you. New things, new situations, new people are coming into your life and by the end of the year you'll be a much different person than you were at the beginning of the year. I also see a lot of healing for you this year.

Your affirmation for 2025 is "I love and accept myself". Once again I feel like this ties super well to everything we've talked so far, especially the glowing up and confidence part. By loving and accepting yourself with all your flaws and shortcomings you're helping yourself to grow into a beautiful butterfly.

check out the extended reading on Patreon

Pile 2

Fool, Six of Swords, Six of Pentacles

Oak Tree (power, courage, strength), Bee, The Box

"Well, what we really need is a femininomenon" - femininomenon by chappell roan

Pile 2, you're in for a brand new beginning this year, it almost feels like a reinvention. A bit similar to pile 1, you're also tired of the things that were wearing you down last year (maybe even before that) and you're releasing yourself from them this year. You're letting go of the things that no longer serve you, which is commendable, because it takes so much strength. I see that for some of you this might be about walking away from a relationship(s), from a job or even from a place. With the Fool and the Six of Swords here you could very well be moving homes or even countries. Honestly, the energy for you pile 2 is as if you've always lived inside a box, following strict rules and being a "good girl" [gender neutral] but now you're absolutely done with that. You've decided that it's time to see what's outside the box. What does the world look like without the binds and the comfort of the box? Actually, now that I think about it this could also be very relevant for anyone that's moving out of their parents' house for the first time. It's an experience that's both exhilarating, freeing and terrifying.

No matter what, you're very decided to face things head on. You'll take care of the problems and unexpected complications as they come up. You know you're strong enough to solve these problems, to finally be free. You're going to be your very own femininomenon this year.

This is a huge year of growth for you pile 2, even more than pile 1. I really feel like a lot of people who pick this pile are young people becoming independent for the first time.

Your rune for the year is Tiwaz. Tiwaz is a rune of victory and sacrifice. It's almost saying that you know that things will be hard, you know you're going to have to work hard, sometimes you'll want to give up, but at the end of the day it's worth it because you come out victorious. Honestly, a part of this victory is recognizing how strong and capable you actually are.

Your affirmation for 2025 is "I am in harmony". So, what this tells me is that 2025 might be a bit chaotic for you with these many changes happening so you'll need to find moments of calm and harmony, find a safe ground to touch down when things seem like they might sweep you away. On the other hand, this also feels like you can finally breathe after you finally release yourself from all these problems and restrictions that were weighting down on you so heavily.

check out the extended reading on Patreon

Pile 3

Six of Wands, Ten of Swords, Nine of Swords

Broom (energy, clearing, freshening), Swan, The King

(an instrumental song) - verdes anos by carlos paredes

Pile 3, your energy is very interesting. You're the only pile that got an instrumental song for their song of the year which immediately gave me a vibe of peace and not letting the problems disturb you. By the way, if you've never heard this song I would definitely recommend it - it's by a Portuguese guitar player and the title means Green Years (as in still being green/young). You know, I think that this is a year of giving yourself grace and being gentle with yourself. Not everything will be perfect or go exactly as you dreamed it would, and that's perfectly fine, because in the end you will be okay. I do get this sense that you're already in this mentality and that's where the peace comes from. You have a belief that despite how wrong or how hard things are now it's just inevitable that everything will be fine.

The energy in your tarot cards is nothing if not interesting. There's a lot of anxiety and a sense of loss almost with the Ten and Nine of Swords, but on the other hand you also have victory and recognition with the Six of Wands. For some you this might be referring to some situation where you're taken advantage of, someone steals your work, or maybe it could even be about cheating or a betrayal for some of you. But! But, in the end this thing will work in your favor, maybe your boss notices that your coworker has been taking credit for your work, or maybe you finally recognize that a relationship or friendship wasn't as healthy as you wished it was.

2025 will be a year of clearing energies for you. As much as the Ten of Swords is a betrayal and deep pain, it can also be about the ending of a painful situation (even if that ending might be painful as well). I will also say that after this situation ends and the pain ends, some anxiety might set in because you're not used to being in a good place. You might constantly be looking over your shoulder trying to see where the next bad thing is coming from.

All in all, I think that this year you should focus on taking things slowly and patiently. Don't ever think that something is the end of the world, because there will be a solution for everything. As it is a year of clearing energies you might find yourself losing people or things, remember that no matter how unhealthy those situations might have been it's perfectly normal and healthy to grieve those losses.

Your rune for the year is Gebo. Gebo means gift and it's a rune that talks about exchanging gifts and favors with other people. The Norse people saw it as a way of creating stronger bonds with others, so this year you're being called to ask for help from loved ones. Believe me, this helps your relationships grow and get stronger.

Your affirmation for 2025 is "Everything I need comes to me at the perfect time." Once again you have this idea of solutions (no matter how unexpected) coming when you need them most. This might be a difficult year for you, pile 3, but believe that in the end you'll look back and see how much you've grown and much better your life has gotten.

check out the extended reading on Patreon

Pile 4

Tower, Eight of Swords, Wheel of Fortune

Sage (wisdom, purification, harmony), Golden Egg, The Nectar

"Are we brutal hearts that break the night in two?/'Cause I just want this night with you" - use me (brutal hearts) by diplo

Pile 4 you have a very interesting energy because I got a lot of information just from the photo that represents your pile alone. It seems that summertime will be either the most significant part of the year (like a turning point happening for example) or the happiest part of the year for you. In general, I see a shift in your life, it's like suddenly the world is slightly tilted instead of being straight just like the horizon line isn't straight in your photo.

But let's get into your tarot. The Tower definitely supports this idea of a turning point and a shift in your life. With the Eight of Swords here too, to me it almost feels like you think that things are going to happen in a specific way but then something very unexpected happens and now suddenly your life is completely different. The only "specific" example I'm getting is of someone thinking that they're going to start university studying a specific degree in a specific place, but suddenly the results come out and you didn't get in. Maybe you got in a different place or in a different degree that ends up changing the plans you had until now. No matter what it is in specific, the idea is that suddenly your life isn't going according to plan. For some of you this might either be a big relief or a big disappointment (it will, of course, depend on your circumstances). But more importantly, you should know that this will be for the better. There was something "rotten" in your trajectory and this is like course correction.

Aside from that, I also think that this will be a very important year of self-discovery and healing from past patterns for you. Unlike the figure in the eight of swords that's blindfolded and incapable of seeing, you'll be able to see yourself better. It's like you're more self-aware, both of your flaws and your strengths. Be careful though not to pay too much attention to all your faults and shortcomings because that isn't healthy either and it will definitely hurt you in the long run. As always, moderation is the answer.

No matter what this is a very important year for you because there are a lot of things happening for you - maybe a lot of firsts.

Your rune of the year is Laguz. Laguz is a lake and in general is a rune connected to water. To me this is very funny because the sea is very prominent on the photo for your pile. Laguz though is a card that talks about healing and deep reflection - two things we already touched upon so it confirms their importance this year. But I like this healing side of Laguz for you because it shows that you're recovering from the things and the ailments that have been bothering you (for some of you these might even be physical). Laguz has a rune of water also represents going with the flow, being very fluid and flexible - these are probably very important qualities that you'll be called to embody this year.

Your affirmation for 2025 is "I am willing to change". Pile 4 this is almost funny how in sync your whole reading is (at least up until now). This is confirmation again that there are a lot of changes coming for you this year, but it's also a reminder to remain flexible. Don't get too attached to any outcome, things will work out as they should and you will be fine.

check out the extended reading on Patreon

[suuuupernovaaa]

The Book Seller - Azriel x f!OC (Part 3/3)

Summary: Azriel’s mate decides whether she wants to accept the mating bond, or if it’s all too much.

Content Warning: Adult, 18+, mentions of death and trauma, sexual content

Part 1, Part 2

The next day, Azriel came and fixed the door to my apartment. While he was there, he noticed a few cabinets askew, and fixed those as well.

Afterwards, we made our way down to sit outside the storefront and enjoy lunch by the river, and he noticed a wiggling floorboard, and a crooked bookshelf.

He fixed those, as well.

My heart swelled to watch him pouring energy into the small bookshop that had been my life for so long. It felt quite right, to see him wipe sweat from his brow as he aligned the book shelf just so, and the satisfied smile that crossed his face was enough to make my heart stop when he turned to me.

I laid awake all the previous night, thinking of the bits of information he’d shared with me. His childhood and the pain he’d endured. The way he found his brothers, Cassian and Rhysand. All the wars and trials they’d been through since then. The killing and the torture. The way the peaceful times we were living in now felt like a dream to him.

It had been hard to part ways with just a chaste kiss to his cheek, but I wasn’t sure how fast or slow we were going to move. Some mates took their time, and some took no time at all. I knew at least that he’d be back the next day, to fix the door and so much more.

I set a tray of food in front of us as we sat down to enjoy one of the last warm days we’d see for a while. The food was ordered from a cafe around the corner, as I knew the significance of preparing a meal for the man before me. Preparing and offering a meal was a sign of accepting the bond.

“Thank you for fixing all of that. My brother, I’ve asked him so many times, but he has a little one at home and not much time to help.”

He took a bite of his sandwich and nodded. “You can ask me now,” he said, and a fist squeezed around my heart.

“It’s a little funny that…” I trailed off, unsure how to finish the sentence.

“Go on,” he said, setting his food down.

“We don’t really know each other, do we? We met last night but it feels, almost, like I could rely on you. If I decided to.”

The corners of his lips turned up in a small smile, and that was his only response.

—

Azriel stopped by every day over the next week. Sometimes when the store was open, just to quickly say hi, and twice after to take a walk along the chilly river and talk, hands or arms clasped together. His company was becoming easy, comforting, and I was growing accustomed to him so quickly.

I wondered, was it because we were mates, or would we have found ourselves drawn to each other otherwise?

Despite the ease and excitement, something loomed over me. Azriel was not a normal fae, not a carpenter or a tradesman, not someone I met down the street or at a bar. He was the Shadowsinger, at the hand of our High Lord, and there were parts of his life I was not sure I would ever be privy to. Would that be a true partnership, if part of himself was kept hidden away?

If our era of peace ended, he’d have to put himself in danger. What did being a Shadowsinger truly entail? Would his duties take him away from time to time?We never talked about it, because I didn’t ask.

I was too afraid to. What if he told me he couldn’t share that? What if he told me something I didn’t want to hear? What if he thought it was too soon for me to ask?

When he stopped in the following Saturday, early in the morning with a tea in hand for me, my father was in the shop.

My family joined for dinner together every Wednesday night at my parents house, and my eldest sister had been quick to announce I’d met my mate this past family dinner.

Though they had all insisted on meeting him, I’d not yet broached the topic with Azriel. My family was loud, boisterous, always in each other’s business, and fiercely loving but sometimes overwhelming. Azriel was quiet, and I was nervous that he wouldn’t appreciate them.

My father, a tall man but still a dwarf compared to the Shadowsinger, did not balk when Azriel entered and strode to my desk, handing me the tea.

“Good morning. I came to tell you -“

“Is this him?” father interrupted, and I chided him with a tisk.

“Father!” I hissed, and Azriel straightened. It occurred to me then that truly, Azriel was older than my parents, but fatherhood had made my father mature in a way that only being a parent can, and he looked at Azriel through those eyes.

The tension grew in the air quickly as the two men stared at each other until my father, who had never been described as intimidating a day in his life, grabbed Azriel’s hand in his and shook it violently up and down.

“Great to meet you, son,” my father said to Azriel, the High Lord’s Shadowsinger, his elder by 100 years, as if he was any other man on the street.

To his credit, Azriel returned the shake with enthusiasm, and tipped his head as a sign of respect. “You as well, sir,” he replied.

Father waved his hand to dismiss the title. “No formalities in family. Will you join us for dinner this week?”

Azriel looked to me, and I tried to communicate my apologies with my expression.

He cleared his throat. “Actually, I came to tell you, Holly, I leave tonight and will be gone about a week.”

I gripped my tea in my hands as my father wisely made some mumbled excuse to leave us alone at my desk. I stood from my chair and came around to meet Azriel, perching on the edge of my desk.

“Oh. Um, work?”

He nodded.

“I wanted to ask… how much I might be allowed to know. In the future.”

His face grew dark and serious. “I would tell you anything you want to know, though some of it you may not want to hear. It is not always pleasant, extracting secrets.”

I nodded gravely. “Oh. Right.”

“Which brings me to another point… being my mate, it could land you in trouble. One day. Soon or in the distant future. I’d feel better if you could defend yourself.”

“Fight?” I asked, glancing around at the book store to make sure no one was listening.

“I’ll do everything in my power to make sure you never have to, but I would feel more at ease if I knew you could defend yourself. If need be.”

I wrapped my arms around myself. This was exactly what I’d been afraid of - the danger that came with the man in front of me. It only took a week to bubble to the surface.

“Cassian and Nesta have offered to train you.”

“Why not you?”

A small smile crossed his lips. “Just this week, while I’m gone. I’ll join once I return. I thought you’d be more comfortable, with Nesta there.”

Nervous, I reached out and grabbed his hand. He held mine fiercely.

“Will you be safe? Are you going somewhere dangerous?”

He shook his head, stepping closer to me. “No, no one will even know I’m there,” he replied quietly, and pressed his forehead to mind. I closed my eyes, breathing in his scent.

“Do you promise?” I whispered.

To my shock, Azriel’s lips found mine then. For the first time. Soft, warm, and all enveloping, I pressed my body flush to his and opened my mouth to allow him entry, a soft sigh escaping.

I had been waiting, every moment since we’d met, for him to kiss me. Stealing glances at his lips, kissing his cheek with every departure, it wasn’t enough.

He snaked his arms around my waist, and I held his beautifully sculpted face in my hands as his tongue explored.

Every single part of me was on fire in a way I had never imagined possible. I could feel sparks shooting from my toes and the ends of my hair. Azriel groaned quietly as he pressed me tighter to him, and I wrapped my arms around his neck to hold him in place.

He tasted like mint tea and I wove my hands through his silky, dark hair, desperate for more.

Too fast, too suddenly, Azriel pulled away and smiled down at me. Only a moment later, I heard my father approaching.

He must have heard him first.

I removed my hands from his hair and smoothed it, removing any traces that I had been there, as we continued to smile at each other.

“Cassian will fetch you at 6am tomorrow, and have you back in time to open at 10,” he said, and my face fell.

“Azriel, 6am? You cannot be serious.”

He was laughing as he walked out the door.

—

The next week was grueling. Every morning, I met Cassian outside at 6am so he could prove to me how weak I truly was. I had no strength, no skill, no balance.

Nesta assured me she had been the same before Cassian had forced her to train, but it was hard to believe, watching her move with such grace and strength now.

Not only was the training draining me, but I missed Azriel. It felt strange to admit it. Two weeks ago, I had only known him by reputation. Now, a day without him was painful.

Near the end of the week, I’d asked the girls to run the shop for me for the day so I could rest, and Nesta invited me to join her for breakfast after training, just the two of us.

Sweaty and tired, I slumped at the table and asked the house for some water and tea. It appeared magically, delighting me as it had every time this past week.

“Can I ask you something a little personal?” I asked once I’d drank the entire glass of water, and Nesta nodded warily.

Though I did consider us friends, Nesta was still guarded, and I wanted to tread carefully.

“Is it hard, to be Cassian’s mate?”

She surprised me by laughing. “In what sense? He is very annoying.”

“I mean, him being who he is. The position he holds.”

“Ah,” she said, nodding. “I don’t know if I can say. I was human before, and all I’ve known of being fae is these people, this life,” she gestured to the grand home around us, and I understood.

Her ushering into this life had been straight into grandeur. She had not lived life as a normal high fae, only royalty.

“I asked you to come here last week because I wanted you to meet Azriel. Something felt right, when I thought of you two together. I can’t explain it. I almost knew. Once the idea occurred to me, of you two together, I couldn’t shake it. It nagged at me until I brought you here.”

Though I had suspected, she hadn’t confirmed it before.

I pursed my lips and looked down at the full plated breakfast before me.

“He seems worth it, to me. Worth whatever… trouble, it could bring. To be his,” I said finally, picking up my fork. “I don’t know if I’m worthy of him.”

Nesta reached over and grabbed my arm. “You are. I would not trouble with you, if you weren’t.” She spoke plainly, stating a fact with no emotion behind it, and nodded in return.

—

I returned home early in the afternoon, greeted my employees, and headed up for a long bath and possibly a nap.

After soaking for a very long time to remove all the sweat and grime, I dressed in a simple tan dress, and pulled a book from my night stand. The bath had rejuvenated me enough to no longer need to sleep, so I sat next to the window to read.

Only ten minutes later, I closed the book, unable to focus on the words on the page. They danced around, always spelling Azriel in my mind.

A scary but not entirely unwelcome thought greeted me then: I was in love with the shadowsinger. With his soft smiles and tight expressions. His attention to detail and need to care and fix. His past and present and hopefully, his future.

I wasn’t just falling in love with him because the living bond between us brought us together, but for who he was. I would have loved him without this bond. Would have been struck by his beauty and grace. The quiet assuredness with which he moved through the world.

As I got lost deeper and deeper into my own thoughts, a knock came at the door. Probably Aurelia or Jessiminda, needing something for the store. I placed my book on the shelf before crossing my small apartment to pull open the door.

Neither girl stood there, but instead, Azriel barreled in, sweeping me into his arms in a warm embrace that I eagerly returned.

“You’re back!” I exclaimed, breathing him in. How fully I missed him really hit me then, as I held him safely in my arms. It was as if something had been wrong the last week, something missing from me, a part of my soul, and here it was, returned.

“I came back as soon as I could,” he said, his face in my hair. The unspoken part of that sentence seemed to be, to get back to you.

“How was training?” he asked as he pulled away, just a few inches to look at me, and I could not stop myself from rolling my eyes.

“I’m sore everywhere. I could not kick anyone’s ass.”

He laughed, a low chuckle. “Give it time.”

“I have been thinking… Jessaminda wants more hours, and the store is doing well. I could have her open every morning for me, so I only work afternoons.”

His smile grew. “You don’t want to train at six am.”

“Of course not. But also, it would mean more time for me.”

For us.

Through the bond, I felt a ripple of joy. Only once or twice before had I felt what I thought were Azriel’s emotions - we wouldn’t truly be able to feel each other until I accepted the bond, and we hadn’t discussed that yet.

“Good idea,” was his full reply, and I beamed at him.

“Are you hungry? I could make a stew.”

He raised his eyebrow. “Are you offering to cook for me? Now?”

I sauntered away from him into the kitchen, gathering the supplies I needed and lighting the stove.

“Sit, and tell me about your trip,” I instructed as I began chopping. He sat at my small dining table, looking as nervous as he was capable of after centuries of skillfully hiding his emotions, and told me of his trip. Simple fact finding and information gathering in the autumn court, where he’d also met up with some old friends. I asked questions, and he readily answered, giving me any information I wanted to know, which brought comfort to my heart.

When the stew was done, I filled two bowls, and turned to him.

“Before I give this to you, I want you to know… I think you’re the most incredible man I’ve ever met. If you weren’t my mate, I would still find you as handsome, as impressive, as captivating, as awe-inspiring as I do now. I don’t care that we’ve only just met or there’s so much we have to learn about each other. I’m greatly looking forward to that.”

I sat down across from him, and wondered if my family would be upset that we’d done this in private. Many fae made a ceremony of this moment, but I couldn’t imagine that was something Azriel would want, and I didn’t really either.

There was a look in his eyes that I thought might be wonder, or awe, I set the bowl and spoon down in front of Azriel, and waited.

He lifted the spoon and stared at me with such intensity that it made my stomach churn with nerves.

“I have waited 500 years for you. Had I known what I was waiting for, I would have agreed to wait 500 more.” His voice trembled with emotion, and tears pricked at the corners of my eyes.

We were silent as he took his first bite, and finished the bowl in mere minutes. I hadn’t even touched mine, I realized, and took my first bite as he took his last.

We stared at each other then, the air charged, and I felt it. The bond strengthening, solidifying between us, and I closed my eyes and listened.

I could feel him so clearly. His pain, his joy, and drowning everything else out, how badly Azriel wanted me in that moment. How desperate he was to touch me, and the thread he was using to hold himself back until he got a signal from me.

When I opened my dark eyes, his golden eyes bore into mine, passion sparking behind them.

“Yes,” was all I said, and all he needed, to sweep the table aside and pull me into his sturdy, waiting arms.

His mouth found mine eagerly, and his hands roamed my body. I found myself beyond glad I’d had time to bathe before he arrived.

He lifted me up by the shelf of my rear, and I wrapped my legs around his waist. He walked the few steps over to my bed and without breaking the kiss, lay me on my soft green bedding, kneeling between my spread legs.

“Azriel,” I moaned, and I felt how badly he wanted me as he pressed himself into me. I arched my back, searching for more friction.

He reached down, pulling at the hem of my dress slowly, pushing it up over my thighs, his fingers trailing over my stomach, and I sat up so he could pull it over my head.

I made quick work of the buttons of his shirt, revealing his broad golden chest and firm abs.

“Gods,” I hissed as he tossed the shirt across the room. This sculpted angel before me was enough to send me into a spiral. He pushed me back onto the bed, and looked down at me as something to devour.

“I need to taste you,” he said, his voice all breath and gravel, and I nodded eagerly.

He started at my neck with lazy, languid kisses, running his warm tongue over my skin, and then down. Over my chest, he stopped to take my nipple into his mouth, biting and sucking gently. I arched my back, pressing myself into his mouth, and we groaned together.

Down, further down he went, trailing his tongue over my naval until he reached the apex of my thighs, and did not waste any time teasing me.

He pulled my sensitive bud between his lips and sucked. I was so swollen, so sensitive, and so desperate for him. I moaned his name and put my hands into his hair, guiding him as he truly devoured me. He slowed and sped, and stuck his tongue deep inside me, causing another loud moan to escape my chest.

“Good girl,” he murmured, and I nearly came at the sound of it.

“I need you,” I replied.

“Need me where, baby?”

“Inside me. Please. Now,” I panted.

He stood up slowly, torturing me, and removed the buckle from his pants, and slid them down over taught, muscular thighs.

The bulge in his underwear was obscenely large, and I wondered how on earth it was going to fit. He removed his underwear and sprang free, and my mouth watered.

He was on top of me once more, his fingers dragging through my wet folds, circling my clit, as I moaned into his mouth.

I spread my legs as wide as they would go, and reached down to grip his considerable length, and place it at my entrance.

“Please,” I breathed, and my mate’s eyes met mine. I felt him, his love and his admiration and his lust, surging through the bond. “Azriel.”

“Holly,” he whispered, reverently, worshipping my name as he worshipped my body, and slid slowly inside me.

“Gods!” I exclaimed, and dug my nails into his back.

He groaned, stopping to allow me to adjust to his size. “Good girl. You can take it all. Be a good girl for me,” he whispered in my ear.

When he was finally fully seated in me, to the hilt, he stilled again. I felt impossibly full but gods, so good, and I wiggled, encouraging him to move.

He chuckled and placed a rough kiss on my mouth before beginning to move. Slowly, carefully at first.

“More. I won’t break.”

He moaned again then, a sweet sound in my ears, and picked up the pace, sliding in and out of me faster and faster until he reached a punishing pace, and I was making noises in his ear I’d never made before.

“Come for me, mate,” he demanded in my ear, and I came apart around him with a blinding scream, clamping my legs around his waist and scratching my nails down his bag.

He groaned a moment later, finding his release, and collapsed on top of me.

I was thoroughly devoured.

—

We stayed in my apartment for four days together, learning and exploring each other, and I had never felt so blissfully happy.

Or so sore.

The frenzy. I’d heard of it before. It was a dangerous time for newly fated males, but Azriel and I stayed locked up together for the worst of it.

When we were not actively learning each other, we talked, or ate, or slept, or read together. I thought life like this forever might be okay, but of course, it couldn’t last.

On the fifth day, Azriel recommended we might emerge and let our friends and family know we had affirmed the bond, as if they didn’t know. I had sent word to my employees to run the store without me, to my family that I’d miss dinner, and I knew he’d sent word to his family too.

I had not known they’d planned a party, or else I would have insisted we stay locked away for much longer.

As we left through my apartment window, I already wished we were back inside, Azriel inside me and all around me, where nothing and no one else existed.

Sadly, we had responsibilities outside, and decisions to make.

Like where we would live. The thought of Azriel residing with me in my small apartment was cozy, but laughable. He spent most of his time at the House of Wind, but also had a room in the High Lord’s newest home, and his townhome central to the city.

I had suggested it might be nice to have a place all our own. Near the water, and my store, somewhere just for us.

Azriel had liked the idea so well, he’d taken me against the window as we looked out at the city, planning.

We arrived at the House of Wind as the sun was setting, entering through a door in the courtyard that I’d not yet seen. Azriel led me to his room, dark and quiet and without decoration, and I wondered what our new home would look like.

He opened his closet and from within, drew out a golden gown, the color of his eyes. It was beautiful, floor length with a plunging neck line, long adorned sleeves, and intricate bead work throughout.

“For you,” he said, bringing it over to me. “From Feyre.”

I reached out to touch the most lovely dress I’d ever seen. “I can’t accept this.”

He shrugged. “You can,” he replied simply. Money had not yet crossed my mind - what kind of salary did a Shadowsinger draw? Surely more than a book peddler.

I turned and allowed him to remove my dress, and once I stood nearly naked before him, I leaned over the black dresser in front of me, bearing myself to him as I stepped out of my shoes.

His breath hissed between his teeth, and I smiled. I turned and placed my hands on his shoulders, stepping into the dress. He drug it up my body, and stepped around me to zip it up. It fit perfectly, making curves where I’d thought I had none. I turned to look in the mirror, pushing my hair from my face, and decided on a simple, long braid, so as not to distract from the dress.

When I finished, Azriel grabbed my hand. “I also have this for you,” he said, holding out a ring. A thin gold band adorned with one shining purple jewel. Simple, and lovely, and I wordlessly spread my fingers so he could slide it on.

Two weeks ago, I was alone. I was lonely. Time is a funny thing.

—

I expected at most, a handful of people when we entered the dining room, but as we grew closer, the chatter of a crowd was hard to miss.

I gasped when we entered. The hall was decorated beautifully, in purple and gold everywhere, flowers and tapestries and other finery as far as the eye could see.

Everyone in my family was there. My parents, all three siblings and their spouses, and their children as well, five in total.

All mixed in with Azriel’s family, Rhysand and Feyre, Cassian and Nesta, Amren and Mor standing with a beautiful woman who had to be Feyre’s third sister, hanging on the arm of a stunning man with red hair.

“Oh gods!” I shouted.

“Surprise!” Cassian hollered, igniting a laugh through the small crowd.

“Aunt Holly!” my youngest nephew ran to me as I entered and continued taking in the scene, and I bent down to scoop him into my arms. Nearing five, I would soon be unable to pick him up and throw him around, and I relished in holding him when I could.

I turned to Azriel, who smiled at me with mischief in his eyes. “Did you know?”

He shrugged, confirming it. “It was Feyre’s idea.”

Well, my mate was nothing if not clever. He knew I could not be mad if it was my High Lady’s idea. She approached then, arms open to wrap me and my nephew wiggling in my arms in a tight hug.

“I don’t know how you feel about surprises, but it didn’t feel right not to celebrate a new family member.”

I tried hard, but couldn’t resist a small bow. “Thank you, My Lady.”

She tisked. “Enough of that today. Just Feyre.”

Aiken jumped from my arms and ran back to my family, and we spent the rest of the night laughing and drinking as our two families blended. The atmosphere in the room was light, joyful, and calm.

I knew it would not always be this way. There would be very hard times ahead, and times of even greater joy and celebration.

Azriel and I were just getting started. It was all so new and fresh, but I was so sure of it too. So sure of him. The mating bond flowed between us, steady and strong, and we felt when the other was ready to end the night. I saw my family off before Rhysand and Mor helped them all home, promising we’d be at every Wednesday dinner we could, and we bid Feyre and her sisters farewell.

We returned to Azriel’s room quietly, hands clasped together, and I wondered if someone could be too happy.

If it was dangerous, to be too content, so quickly. To have so much change come into your life and to be so incandescently happy with it.

Was I asking for something terrible? Was I inviting in chaos and danger, simply by being overjoyed?

If so, I would not have changed a thing. Would not have chosen another mate, another family, another life for all the coin on the continent.

Azriel wrapped me in his arms as we fell asleep a while later, and I listened to his heartbeat in his chest, counting them.

Thu-thump. Thu-thump. Thu-thump.

A beautiful sound. The sound of my mate, alive and well.

“What are you thinking of?” he asked, sensing my overwhelming emotions down the bond.

“That I love you,” I replied quietly, eyes still closed, heart beating wildly.

I heard his speed up, too.

A confusing mix of emotions came through the bond. Pain, longing, fear, lust, but there under all of that, there was love.

“I don’t deserve you. You are good and pure. You are kind. Faultless.” His gravely voice was strained, and I propped myself up to see his golden eyes shining.

“You deserve every happiness in the world, and I will see to it that you have them, my mate.”

He leaned up, pressing a chaste kiss to my lips.

“I love you, too,” he said, and shouted it down the bond as well.

We fell asleep intertwined in his dark sheets, only love enveloping us.

The book seller and the shadowsinger.

@rcarbo1

[if-whats-new]

What's New In IF? Halloween edition! Issue 27 (2024)

By Brij, Dion, Bex and Jen

Now Available!

Itch.io - Keep Reading below

If you read the zine, consider liking the post: it helps us see how many people see it! And sharing is caring! <3

~ EDITORIAL ~

One Issue just wasn’t enough!

Halloween might be over, but not at WNIF! So here it is, u a second Halloween edition Issue! Next to the regular WNIF stuff we included a recommendation section full of the best games to play in this time of the year, so be sure to check it out.

We want some feedback!

As we’re starting to get a hand of things, we would love some feedback from you guys! What you enjoy, want more or less off, how we could improve... Anything goes! We even have a nifty form!

Still looking for members!

Due to the severe changes in the Zine team, we are once again looking for free hands with a couple of hours to kill, and minds, looking to make a little difference in the community!

If you too would like to help us out in a more official capacity, please shoot us a message! You can check out the available positions here, but if you’d like to help in any other way, feel free to contact us as well! (We added a new position, so check it out!)

No Small Talk for some time!

We hope you have have a fa-boo-lous time reading this issue!

BRIJ, DION, BEX AND JEN

~ BE A PART OF THE ZINE ~

THIS ZINE ONLY HAPPENS WITH YOU!

Want to write 1-2 pages about a neat topic, or deep-dive into a game and review it in details? Share personal experiences or get all academic?

WRITE FOR THE COLUMN!

Prefer to be more low-key but still have something to share? Send us a Zine Letter or share a game title for Highlight on…!

WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU!

Came across something interesting? Know a release or an update announced? Saw an event happening? Whether it's a game, an article, a podcast… Add any IF-related content to our mini-database!

EVERY LITTLE BIT COUNTS!

Contact us through Tumblr asks, Forum DMs, or even by email! And thank you for your help!!

~ EVENT SPOTLIGHT : BITSY JAM ~

Fuu, already #85?

Bitsy is a little engine for little games, worlds, and stories created by Adam Le Doux that makes game making look easier than ever! I mean really! You can use it to make a game in your browser just by drawing it! Thanks to the simple pixelated graphics and limited colour palette you can make basically anything from simple short stories to complicated masterpieces.

The first jam (with a yummy theme: Breakfast) took place on April 8th 2017. Now it’s a monthly occurrence, each time with a new challenging theme that the creators themselves (or even possibly you) get to vote on.

Petrichor, temporary, intentionally bad, tomatoes, no dialogue, long distances, secret place, bitsy fest jam, lost media and waiting are just the ten most recent ones. This month’s theme is game manual - the theme can be the core of the game, or just a small reference. Anything really. The main point of this jam is to have fun and make something! (Just make sure that your game is made in one of these: bitsy, mosi or bipsi.)

So why not give it a shot?

~ ENDED ~

The 6th Spooktober Annual Visual Novel Jam is over, the winners have been announced and you can check out the results!

The Revival Jam 2024 is also over and the results are out!

Strip IF to it’s bare bones and all it become beautiful text. That’s what The Bare-Bones Jam is about. You can now check out all 14 submissions!

Phantasia Jam is a three month-long game jam to create a fantasy narrative game, with the theme of “Hidden Magic”. There’s 17 submissions to check out.

~ ONGOING (VOTING) ~

The voting for ECTOCOMP 2024 has officially started! To vote and participate as a jury, you must do so by giving between 1 to 5 stars on each entry page of the jam. The voting period ends on November 30.

All entries for the Halloween Jam have been submitted and you can now vote for your favourites!

~ ONGOING (SUBMITTING) ~

Disabled Rep VN Jam has a very simple premise but a very important message.

Once upon a time, a game jam was held to create stories around the theme of fairy tales… and that game jam is the Once Upon A Time VN Jam. It’s running from October 1st to January 31st.

Concours de Fiction Interactive Francophone 2025 is for all French-speaking enthusiasts. Submissions are accepted until March 3rd 2025.

Are you perhaps a fan of more somber, melancholic themes? Then check out the Dying Year - Visual Novel Jam! You have until the end of the year to participate.

The Black Visual Novel Jam is all about working with creative professional developers who work in visual novels to bring more Black stories to life. The goal is to create a space where Black creators can show their unique storytelling through visual novels.

Bare your teeth and sharpen your claws because the Monstrous Desires 2024 Visual Novel Jam is here! Dedicated to the love of entities, horrors, and monstrosities, this jam will be full of romantic Visual Novels (VN) that heavily focus on a monster may it be original or from classics, folklore, modern media, etc.

The October Bitsy Jam is here! The theme is game manual and you have until November 11th to submit your projects.

~ OTHER ~

Jams are a great way to find new games! Don’t be afraid to check out submissions from previous years as well. There might be some gems hiding between them!

~ NEW RELEASE ~

Trick-or-Treat (Twine) is all about virtual trick-or-treating, grab your costume and have fun! @softest-punk

The Traded Groom (Unity) is a romance story where you marry a man you’ve never met. @maneki-mushi

Lydia’s Labyrinth (Ren’Py) is a choose your own adventure where you try to get to the end of the labyrinth. @doublefreegames

The end of an obsession is a fictional sequel work to It gets so lonely here.

The Virus Game HALLOWEEN is here.

In Ghostship Delgado (Amstrad CPC) you find yourself on the quarter deck of a mysterious, seemingly abandoned historic ship…

As always, don't forget to check out the submitted entries to the events mentioned in the previous pages. They deserve some love too!

~ NEW RELEASE (WIP) ~

Camp Maple Wind (Ren’Py), you saw your sister die there 18 years ago and now you decided to return as the new camp counselor. @tailorfae

Dusk and Dawn (CScript) is a urban fantasy inspired by CYOA’s like Slayers V4. You’ve failed college, what do you do now? @tuskhansworld

Circus Eyes of God (Twine) is a horror interactive fiction where you decide to join a mysterious circus. @circuseyesofgod-if

In Tether (Twine) your an interpreter for a new lord under the occupation of another country. Will you rebel? @runcriedthecrawlingif

Return back to your hometown where you and your friends used to be team of detectives until the incident.... in Return to Misty Cove (CScript) @fluorescent-if

In Red River Academy (CScript) you and your group of friends are murdered in cold blood. But you were brought back, is this a second chance at life? @bratlinwrites

You step out for some fresh air, only to find yourself lost and stranded in the forest overnight in Fickle Solitude (Twine)

In Ice Cream For Love you are a bearfolk ice cream maker. However the newest dietitian-in-training has problems with your product. @atelierursine

In Demon Daycare (Ren’Py) you’ll have to baby the adult demon prince Belphegor. Hope the money is good!

~ UPDATES ~

Devil's Liminal (Ren’Py) released Chapter 2.

Crown of Exile (Twine) Vinia Path is released on Patreon. @ramonag-if

Tales of Wocdes: The Silver Protector (Twine) heritage features have been updated. @tales-of-wocdes

College Tennis: Origin Story (CScript) added halloween bonus to Ko-Fi. @collegetennisoriginstory

Sins of the Crown (CScript) added new content to their demo. @pariahinteractive

The King's Hound (Twine) released a rewritten demo. @the-kingshound

The Mighty Shifter (CScript) released Chapters 4 & 5. @miss-briar-novels

Lucid fate (Twine) released Chapters 3 & 4.5. @lucid-fate-if

Eldritch Tales: Inheritance (CScript) released the final part of Chapter 2.

Saturnine (CScript) added new content to their demo. @satur9-if

Shattered: Oblivion (CScript) reworked their prologue.

Strings of Fate (CScript) released partial Chapter 3.

Text Your Life (Ren’Py) added Chapter 2 Day 1 to their demo.

The Good People (Na Doine Maithe) (Ren’Py) released the first five chapters of Shae and Maeve's routes. @moiraimyths

Tri City Monsters (Ren’Py) released Chapter 3 for Akello. @tricitymonsters

Bridge Ices Before Road (CScript) added new content to their Prologue. @bridgeicesbeforeroadif

Aphni's Quartet: Nightbloom's Veil (Twine) released Chapter 2. @marblesstorystudio

The Brightest Stars (CScript) added the first part of Chapter 3 to their demo. @brightest-stars-if

Weeping Gods (CScript) added new content to their demo. @jcollinswrites

~ OTHER ~

The Kickstarter for Keyframes has started, and even though the main goal has been reached there are still some stretch goals! @blankhouse

The ChoiceBeat Zine Issue 12 is out. We thank them for mentioning our Zine! Go check it out!

Amare Fortnightly Bulletin Issue 27 is here for all your romance needs! @amaregames

Never Gives up Her Dead has released a deluxe version of their game.

The People's House has been officially submitted for publication.

~

As always, we apologize in advance for missing any update or release from the past week. We are only volunteers using their limited free time to find as much as we can - but sometimes things pass through the cracks.

If you think something should have been included in this week's zine but did not appear, please shoot us a message! We'll do our best to add it next week! And if you know oncoming news, add it here!

~ MAYBE YOU NEXT? ~

We did not get a submission this week. But if you have an idea for a short essay, or would like a special space to share your thoughts about IF and the community...

Shoot us an email!

~ HIGHLIGHT ON ~

A couple of games that we thought were cool.

Your favourite game here?

Do you have a favourite game that deserves some highlighting?

An old or recent game that wowed you so much you spam it to everyone?

Tell us about it! And it might appear here!

H/T = Horror/Thriller H = Halloween themes S = Supernatural C = Creepy

~ RECOMMENDATIONS (COMPLETE) ~

Halloween Scrooge (H) by Vanade of Hamilton Hour (Ren’Py)

A short Halloween spin on A Christmas Carol... and you can flirt with the ghosts! //submitted by anon//

Killer Chat (H/T) by @rosesrotofficial (???)

After asking too many murder-related questions online (for your book), you get an invite to a... serial killer chatroom?! What the fuck?

A Zombie Head Went Missing at the Party Full of CUTE MONSTER GIRLS!? (S) by MaroonDrops (???)

Half gorgon Jade Mason finds herself dragged to a party full of monsters, she doesn't have high hopes.

Therapy with Dr. Albert Krueger (H/T) by dino999z (Ren'Py)

Has work been feeling more tiring than usual?

Your mood, confusing and uneasy?

Then it sounds like you need our newly patented ★DREAM THERAPY★!

A Series of Interactive Stories Where No Matter What You Do You Are Immediately Killed by a Werewolf (S) by Luke Burns (Twine)

The name just says it all.

AL - A Choose Your Own Adventure (H/T) by Gabriel Cornish (Twine)

You are a student going on their first date in a long, long time. Only problem is your apartment is trying to kill you with your own clutter!

Spooble: A Search Engine Story (H/T) by All the bees (Unity)

Are babies supposed to do that?

Cal's Costume Conundrum!! (H) by amarvelous (Ren’Py)

Which costume is the best? Cal needs to know! Infiltrate her siblings’ Halloween party, interview the guests, and crown a winner!

Restore, Reflect, Retry (H/T) by Natalia Theodoridou (CScript)

This is a haunted game about a haunted game. You've played this game before. You may not remember, but the game does.

Model Employee (H/T ) by Nth Circle (Unity)

If you want to get ahead in your career, you gotta be willing to take some risks.

Contrition (H/T) by akfedeau (Twine)

As a priest, it’s your job to listen to your parishioners’ darkest secrets and absolve their guilt. But when a sinister stranger comes to the confessional one Halloween night, you realize it’s your soul on the line.

Quoth the Raven… (C) by gamedevillibrarian (???)

Edgar Allen Poe's 'The Raven', with some spooky ambiance. What else do you need?

Hallowmoor (H) by Mike Snyder (Twine)

Your quest: infiltrate Castle Hallowmoor, find the potion, and make it out alive.

Keeper’s Curse (H/T) by CParadis777 (Godot)

Stranded on a remote island after your Lightkeeper duty has ended you must ration and scavenge for supplies while awaiting your delayed relief crew.

Dicentra (H/T) by caffeine (Ren’Py)

You play as Basil, a young boy lost in a forest of watchful trees and unfriendly guides.

Tales from Castle Balderstone by Ryan Veeder (Inform7)

This is Castle Balderstone, and tonight is the night when the greatest spook-crafters convene to share their hair-raising handiwork with each other.

Muertos by Medley Games (Twine)

You are a lost undead wandering the Aztec afterlife, only to come across a strange city.

Dawn of the Damned (H/T) by Melancholy Marionette (Unity)

Anxious to attend your job interview at Aurora Antiques, you arrive to discover a room full of melancholy mannequins. One, in particular, captures your interest, drawing you closer.

Seance (S) by Alex Rose (???)

A murder case has gone cold, and the NRPD has asked you to help them solve it, on account of your abilities as a psychic medium.

~ RECOMMENDATIONS (WIP) ~

Samsara (H/T + S) by Amelia (???)

After being killed by the same hands in every past life you decide to take your killer's life instead. //submitted by anon//

Parasitical (H/T) by @parasitical-if (CScript)

You grew up under the masked faces of their Exalted, under the stories of Earth past. Rusted metal and cracked plastic; His bone and His flesh. Conflicting worlds, conflicting times, and soon, it might all come to a head.

Seven days in Purgatory (H/T) by @sevendaysinpurgatory-if (CScript)

Seven days in Purgatory is a psychological thriller ripe with philosophical musings and sensuality.

Taste, hear, think, feel, love… Run. //recommended by Dion [team]//

Did we miss your favourite game? Don’t worry, there’s still a chance! Fill out this form and we will include it in our regular Highlight on.... section!

WE LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU ALL! WHETHER IT'S GOOD OR BAD, OR EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN...

Thank you for keep updating! I really don't want to miss any IF updates but it's hard to find everything. So thank you for all the effort.

@waywardartisanoafhound-blog

Have something to say? Send us a message titled: Zine Letter!

As we end this issue, we would like to thank:

our awesome anons! For sending us their game recommendations!

And a special thanks to Bex [team] for all the work she’s done for the zine.

And as always, huge thanks to all you readers who liked, shared, and commented on last week's issue! What might be tiny actions are huge support and motivators to us!

Thank you for cheering us on this journey!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

It come with sad news that me (Bex) is having to leave the Zine….for now at least.

I joined back in August and honestly it was crazy time, especially with the sad passing of Marjorie. I honestly enjoyed what we’ve made of it and don’t regret it in the slightest. Life has sadly go in the way of me and I just don’t have the time to continue you this on. I’m hoping the New Year will bring peace and with it me back to the Zine.

Love you all ❣

And we will see you next week in our traditional colours!

BRIJ, DION, BEX, JEN

WHAT'S NEW IN IF? 2024-ISSUE 27

[massy2ly]

Quick personal observation/interpretation of each BOYFRIEND in ep 5 because I’m absolutely floored by how well the actors managed to emphasize their differences.

Jojo the talented man that you are… it takes so much skill to highlight different dynamics while the couples are still stuck in that gray zone full of secrets, trauma and lies.

- Kant vs. Style: Style in this episode was everything I wished to see. I was a little skeptical about how he was going to act around Fadel after learning the truth. Is he going to be scared? Is he going to act like Kant and be all lovey dovey while avoiding any dangerous topic that might make him look suspicious? Is he going to put a mask on too and come across as oblivious and innocent? NOOOOO. He was a stark opposite of Kant and that’s exact what I wanted. Not because I don’t like Kant or anything but I just wanted that refreshing contrast between them.

Kant has opted for the lover boy disguise since ep 1. Charming, down to earth, normal, unproblematic, gentlemanly, pliant. He wanted to appear innocent too but when Bison learned about his criminal past he couldn’t keep up that lie for too long. So he turned that innocence into redemption. A thief became a hero, an avoidant guy with commitment issues became devoted and loyal. A man seeking redemption and a regular relationship with a cute, pretty and ordinary waiter. That’s how he wanted to get close to Bison as a way to avoid raising suspicion, to steer clear of any danger that comes with this hitman. SAFETY came first In his book and he was smart enough to figure out that Bison needed exactly that: a new standard life and to forget who he is.

Style on the hand… many of us had suspected that his curiosity and growing feelings would overrun his fear of Fadel. Style is smart but he’s also bold, confident, extremely curious, spontaneous and likes risks. But what’s interesting here is that, contrary to Kant, Style is at peace with himself and his emotions. He always allow himself to feel and express those feelings. This, in addition to his curiosity, could explain why he flirted with danger in ep 5. He needed to figure out what he was feeling, he wanted to unravel the mystery around Fadel. While Kant keeps fighting himself and his love for Bison because he’s convinced there’s no other way, Style can’t help himself. While Kant constantly tries to remind himself that Bison is a hitman, Style in ep 5 is digging for Fadel’s humanity, anything that could legitimize his feelings for him or explain why Fadel is the way he is. We see this so clearly with Style’s confessions, raw feelings that caught Kant by surprise and even pushed him, FOR THE FIRST TIME, to admit that he, too, likes Bison. Style’s open attitude and straightforwardness exposed not only Fadel in ep 5 but also Kant (fucking finally).

- Bison vs. Fadel: these two are so different, we knew that since ep 1 and it’s reflected in how they act in a relationship too. It may or may not be because Fadel had experienced betrayal or/and loss in his past relationship.

Bison has a childlike rawness to him that fuels his hope. Sometimes it comes across as naivety, especially during his exchanges with Fadel as the contrast in their personalities brings that out. Bison not only wants a normal and carefree life but he’s high key convinced that it’s achievable for him, despite being an assassin. He’s a little whimsical and likes to forget who he is by putting himself in the shoes of someone ordinary. I think that’s why he’s so drawn to Kant and that’s why Kant acts like a “honorable citizen” (lol James) around him.

You just have to see how their relationship developed compared to Fadel and Style’s. It had a traditional flair to it: the courting, the dates, the handholding and sweet words, the soft tone with which they talk, THE BED (that one took a while for the other two lol). It appealed to Bison because it gave him a sense of fun, safety and normalcy. Unlike Fadel, Bison acts sweet and avoids scaring off Kant, unless his emotions get the better of him. He prefers not carrying that sense of danger and warning sign around him, which would’ve worked if he wasn’t so temperamental.

Fadel on the other hand doesn’t want to forget who he is and is convinced he would never be able to turn over a new leaf. Call me sadistic but I really, really liked how he’s still pushing Style away, even after he agreed to be his boyfriend. The way he’s doing it rn is so sad and beautiful because it’s doubled with this new vulnerability that just… ugh left me feeling all sort of things. I just love how honest he is with Style (minus that ex lover thingy he denied or idk). He doesn’t pretend to be someone he’s not, he doesn’t ignore his reality. I even think he’s loosened his hold on the dangerous aura he carries because in ep 5, he’s very straightforward with Style. Before, he would just act annoyed like a hardass who can handle himself but still avoided raising suspicion. The shift in ep 5 is CRAZY. He told Style on numerous occasions: “look I’m dangerous, you need to leave. I won’t trust you and I can’t give you what you want because I don’t think anyone can love me enough to stay by my side through this.”

[demelzathemer]

Rewatching Dead Boy Detectives for the 6th time and I STILL have so many thoughts, so let's do this

Episode 1

1. That's everything Crystal has on her for the rest of the season, right?

She must have had some money and her passport on that bag because she did change clothes and traveled half-way round the globe. But Jenny talks like Crystal doesn't have a credit card, so how much cash did she carry on her on a random day in the tube??

Well not enough to pay rent for the cheapest room in town when they arrived. (She wears a borrowed Tongue & Tail t-shirt from Jenny later, that's cute.)

I like how her original look is much darker and more mature, reflecting her mean girl personality. The long jacket later is still purple, but a light color with a colorful floral patterned turtleneck underneath.

(If she had her passport she has her full legal name and social security number to identify herself though-??)

2. I REALLY want to know what happened during those "two flights, one ferry ride" - where did the boys sit? Did Crystal buy a whole row of seats so they could sit together? (And was seen talking to herself alone the whole time lol)

Have the boys ever been on a plane (they haven't been on a ferry)? HOW DID EDWIN REACT... Please I want a fanfic

3. When they start investigating, Charles says to Crystal "I know you don't fancy this part, deep-diving into someone's brain. We can figure out another way if you'd like." Which is sweet, so Charles, but also, how did he know what she prefers? (They must have talked about it on the ferry ride.)

4. I thought it odd that Edwin would stumble out of the mirror, when he's always so careful and carries himself with such poise? But then I saw Kassius and Jayden, they both have the biggest grins on their faces just short of laughing. It's definitely a blooper, but George stayed in character so perfectly they left it in.

(George did confirm in an interview that due to Ghost Rules, the boys don't trip on treestumps etc, they would just phase through. So definitely not a scripted move.)

5. "Not exclusively my internet. (Charles laughs) I'll explain again later."

Crystal was the one that taught Edwin the concept of internet?? Did this happen on the ferry ride too??

6. THE VISUAL STORYTELLING. I'm obsessed how the costume department specifically adds visual cues to the boys' wardrobe depending on their emotional state.

We all know Charles' polo darkens when he goes through tough times, only returning to his original bright red after they're back from Hell. We understand that Edwin being in his Edwardian undergarments in the confession scene makes it so emotionally raw and vulnerable.

We don't see Edwin without his coat after they arrive in Port Townsend. There's the scene in the beginning when it's just him and Charles at home in their office, where we can see him without it. He can be his real self there, because he's safe and comfortable.

The heavy coat is Edwin's armor, a visual metaphora of the emotional walls he puts up against the world. He always wears it around Crystal.

Here, in the upstairs, where the topic of David upsets Edwin and he storms off.

Yet right after, we see him without it! I believe ghosts appearance may change to reflect their emotional state (or maybe Edwin just shucked it off, who knows)

It's a fantastic scene altogether but just by his clothes we can see that's he's being vulnerable with Crystal for the first time. I only noticed this detail now and I love it.

(In the next scene of making their plan together Edwin is still wearing this look. We can see they're not enemies anymore, but a team.)

7. When Crystal agrees and offers peace, Edwin actually *looks at Charles* for confirmation. He's out of his element here and needs his support. Charles is the one who knows how to hande people, so Edwin doesn't make any decisions before checking with him. Edwin only forgives Crystal when he sees Charles had approved of her.

(After he does, he glances back at Charles again, like he still needed that last bit of validation that he did the right thing.)

Their bond is so strong. There's always consideration for the other, whatever they do. The acting is also incredible.

Nonverbal communication has a huge role in this series, as much as the dialogue does. So many things are conveyed with just looks and sighs and the many close-up shots that make us emotionally connect with the characters.

8. Charles having beef with Monty right at the start will never not be funny. "Everyone likes me eventually." It's just a bird.

Even on top of the list of his day's heroic feats is "smack-talking a crow." I love him sm

+ As a bonus, look at this gorgeous shot of Charles with the neon light reflecting on his earring. Chef's kiss

[gleefullypolin]

Stacy's Tipsy Musing's - Colin Bridgerton Hot Takes - Part 2

Ok boys and girls, we need to have a little chat about Colin Bridgerton.

Part 2 has been out now for a couple of days and there have been a lot of hot takes to come out of the season. A LOT of hot takes. I’m going to break this down into 4 parts. 4 questions that I'm seeing really bad hot takes about Colin.

Now none of this is new, I gotta say before Season 3 aired Colin was a hot button topic anyway. He seemed to be the Bridgerton brother that lots of people love to spew hate takes on anyway. But damn I gotta say its painful seeing the Polin fandom have so many bad takes falling from their lips.

So, I figured...having a little drink tonight, sitting down for Father’s Day (Happy Father’s Day, Colin) I’d give you the opinion on some of these takes that you didn’t ask for...Mine!

Last time we talked about Colin’s entrapment statement to Pen and if he truly meant it.  Question 1, now lets get to Question 2:

Why would Colin send Pen home alone after finding her on the street at night?

Ok we are going to have to resolve a few things here. One, our desire to watch Pen/Colin have hot angry sex right there on the street, and two Colin Bridgerton respecting Penelope too much to do so. So, let’s start at the top. Colin finds Pen walking home on a dark street after a long night of drinking the night before they are to be married. And not just a little drinking, a LOT of drinking. He was going pretty hard at the bar with his brother, the boys could not keep up with him, and Kate called him out for smelling like a bottle of liquor.

Now he sees the reason for all his drinking, walking down a dark road STILL putting herself in danger in the middle of the night. His mind is racing about what the hell she is doing out there, he immediately just assumes it is connected to Whistledown. The woman he despises, hates, and is highly jealous of.

Now they fight. Because of course they do. Pen does a good job of holding her own against his anger here. She tries to explain herself, that she was trying to protect El, that she wanted to protect him, that she made mistakes, she should have done things differently. That Colin has given her confidence to stand up for herself without Whistledown, and you can see his resolve give. The moment he thinks she will walk away from it, he appears like that will end it all, it will stop the fight in it’s tracks.

But then she tells him there is still value to her keeping it. And that is where you see the real reason for him holding onto his anger. The jealousy. The fact that he feels she was laughing at him, by being a writer herself she must have not been truthful to him about his own writing. About his talent. And then the anger bubbles back up, and he hits her about his concern for her safety. And then it surges forward, his need to protect her. And that is where she strikes at him, she does not need his protection.

And here we are at the crux of Colin Bridgerton’s pain. His hero complex without a damsel to save. “Then what good am I to you?” She silences him with the one thing she can. Love. Pen loves Colin. It’s all she needs from him. And he is lost momentarily in her need for him to love her. His purpose. And they lose themselves in each other without thought in passion. Colin forgets his anger, his jealousy, his shame and he takes her up against the wall in public, on the street. And it’s not until that cursed horse ruins our voyeuristic excitement that Colin suddenly remembers that he has Pen up against a wall in public.

And this is not our Colin Bridgerton that loves Penelope. Not the Colin who just admonished her for not respecting him enough to talk directly to him. He is not the Colin Bridgerton who would take her out of anger. He would not take her while feeling this shame and hurt toward her. Simply having her tied to him does not mean he can just take what he wants. So instead, he treats her with respect, he walks her to the carriage, and he puts her safely inside.

He then makes sure she understands that she will see him in the morning at the wedding, he intends to be there to marry her, regardless of what is going on between them. And then he sends her home. Because anything else would not be Colin. He’s drunk, he’s angry, and the alternatives would not end without adding more shame to himself.

Stick around for part 3....

Why would Colin sleep on the couch and ruin their wedding night and then continue to sleep on the couch after they are married?

[miscelliteeous]

SO it turns out I have even more thoughts on him than I realized, like I wrote 14k words about him and I still have so much more to say so here’s some headcanons that didn’t really fit anywhere. NOT WORKSAFE, but this covers a wide range of topics, with the nsfw stuff being only like 1/4th of them.

Adam Frankenstein Headcanons

- General:

He’s a stew guy, like that’d be his go-to meal if he could have it. He likes that no matter what it always tastes a little different than the last time and how easily it can be modified with different ingredients plus it warms him and makes him feel cared for.

Gets cold easily and gets colder than most people can handle, though he still prefers to be wrapped up in something warm.

His voice is deep and can vary between gravelly and raspy, though it gets a tiny bit higher when he’s upset or extremely passionate about something.

Tends to mutter under his breath and talk to himself a little when he’s working on figuring out something complicated.

He can be a bit impulsive and it often bites him in the ass, but he’s working on it.

Has absolutely NO care for looking how men are expected to look at that time in society.

His hair gets very poofy and wavy when it’s taken out of a wet braid.

He has thin skin, and though he heals relatively quickly, he also scars very easily and bleeds easily too.

Will read anything and everything he can get his hands on. He wants to learn about the world as much as possible.

His favorite fiction genre is romance, and he likes big, toxic all-consuming romances and thinks they’re the height of romance. He’s a Heathcliff stan (hey, he’s gotta have SOME bad qualities, am I right?).

Not the best at singing, can’t really stay on tune, but he enjoys singing when happy and alone. Gets very embarrassed if caught.

Animals either adore him or despise him, there is no in-between.

Has a habit of slouching over when standing, to seem just a little shorter.

Feels emotions very intensely. He’s never just sad, he’s devastated, he’s never just angry, he’s furious, he’s never just happy, he’s overjoyed. It’s something he’s working on.

- Romantic:

He has a habit of staring at the one he loves for a long time, blinking very minimally.

Adam doesn’t like to be far away from you, and will follow you around like a lost puppy.

Very much would prefer to have some part of him touching you at all times, usually handholding.

Takes him a while to get used to you touching him as opposed to him touching you, but once he does, he melts.

Braid his hair! It’s practical, its cute, it says fuck you to fashion trends of the time, and it’d make him smile. Braid! His! Hair!

Loves the idea of helping out with mundane tasks, like he’ll cook and sew and be so very gentle when brushing your hair.

Uses so many little terms of endearments, the more reverence they show to you the better. He wants you to know he puts you on a pedestal and practically worships you.

One thing that will piss him off quickly (unless you’ve maybe asked him to please hold back ahead of time) is someone insulting you. He’d be ready to go off on them in a scary way within seconds.

Ideal sleeping position: curled up around you like a pill-bug. He’s big enough that he can probably wrap his body entirely around you and would want to do that every night if he could. Horrible for both of your backs.

If you braid his hair (which you should!) he would want to braid yours in return if possible.

Tends to stand behind you when in public. Partially out of shyness, partially to serve as a warning to others to not fuck with you.

When he’s standing behind you in public? The slouch is GONE, he is eight feet of glaring intensity, like a pissed off lighthouse behind a tiny cottage.

Really doesn’t like anyone else touching you and would get a bit more clingy even if it was a purely platonic touch.

Honestly he’s very possessive. He’s found one person in the world who loves HIM, flaws and all, and he doesn’t want to risk losing you.

Tells you he loves you at least 4-5 times a day, including any time you leave a room he’s in.

- Sexual:

You know that image of the hamster eating a banana? You’re the hamster.

Massive, ridiculously large dick that’s still in proportion so it doesn’t look too crazy huge, but it’s still probably about 9-10 inches hard, 7-8 flaccid.

Absolutely aware of how big he is, and takes every step he can think of to make things easier, though it might still be tricky at first.

Adam prefers positions where he can see your face.

Very vocal, tries to hold back sometimes but fails, very loud.

Says anything that comes to his mind, most of which is just really over-the-top praise for you and how you make him feel.

He’s close to 400lbs of muscle, but very mindful of his body so that he doesn’t hurt you. Even if he lays on you he’d still be supporting himself mostly.

Not really fond of mirrors being involved. He’d love to see different angles of you, but himself? Not so much.

Thinks he’s going to die and ascend to heaven when he first gets a blowjob. Though he loves it, he prefers to give rather than receive, he wouldn’t want to hurt your jaw.

Not much aftercare the first time because he doesn’t know as much about it, but once he learns he’s a king.

Cleans you up, gives you a massage, water, holds you, praises you (even more!), makes sure you’re okay and that you enjoyed it too. He would melt if you do the same for him too.

- Familial/Paternal:

Ideally, he would have two children, he would love to be father to a boy and girl, but he would be happy with any amount or none at all and taking care of pets instead. He just wants to raise and care for something the way Victor never raised and cared for him.

So indecisive with names, like there’s so many good names he would want to use, he’d probably leave it mostly up to you.

The one name he’d really want to use? The second he hears the name Abigail means something like “my father is joyful” he jumps for it because that’s exactly how he feels about being a father.

So scared to hold the baby for a good while. He’s just so big and they’re so small and if he accidentally hurt them he’d never forgive himself.

Hovers around the baby though and still holds its little hand. As close as he can get without holding them.

Once he gets over that, he’s a very attentive father.

Very high chance any of his kids would have his black hair and some of his facial features. He’d hope they would have your eyes though.

Lets his kids climb all over him, pull his hair, swing on his arms, anything just as long as they don’t get hurt.

Very encouraging of them to explore and learn new things but also a bit of helicopter dad.

Torn between wanting to keep his kid/s safe from the world and wanting them to be able to do anything they set their mind to.

While not quite 8ft, I think any kids he would have would still grow to be a bit taller than average.

[desire-mona]

siiiigh. todd autism headcanons because im projecting.

(using they/he/she pronouns for todd in this post. will explain but also if u dont agree i dont care, tw for alcoholism. time period is vague but autism hasnt existed as a legitimate medical diagnosis for all that long, so keep it in mind i guess.)

- cannot for the life of him stand welton's blankets. so itchy, just thin enough to not warm you up enough but still make you sweat, not long enough to cover your entire body. yes im making the blanket line in their poem about actual blankets, a boy needs to vent somewhere.

- beyond terrible temperature regulation, ALWAYS just a little too hot which is made worse by her sensory issues when it comes to wet fabric. constant slight agony and it never really goes away. theyre about 5 minutes away from crying about how uncomfortable they are at all times.

- had god awful handwriting until high school, like his teachers could BARELY read his handwriting it was Bad. OOOOOH OH MY GOD THERES A TRAIN GOING BY I CAN HEAR IT HONKING this is a really ironic thing to be pointing out rn but its sooooo worth mentioning. its still honking this is fun. 🚂. anyway. her parents made her spend an entire summer fixing her handwriting bc that was like the One thing her teachers criticised. its Fine now but their motor function simply doesn't deliver in the handwriting department.

- had a VERY INTENSE special interest in aquatic life + marine biology growing up, like read every book about any ocean animal in any library intense. his parents eventually forced him to abandon it because its "not a good career focus" but he still perks up when anyone mentions fish. once talked neils ear off about the biodiversity of coral reefs for roughly 2 hours, neil took her to an aquarium for their first date. rip todd anderson you wouldve loved spongebob squarepants.

- looooves pets, namely cats, but they have Too Sweaty hands all the time so any animal fur sticks onto their hands and just feels. so awful.

- had a brief period in his 20s where he was definitely an alcoholic, started as a social drinker but got too addicted to the feeling of not having to adhere to social conventions quite as hard, especially around other drunk ppl. eventually went sober after they realised they just Cant Stand the feeling of a hangover anymore. autistic ppl r more likely to develop a dependency on alcohol if we do start drinking. just btw.

- gets a Pretty Expansive vocabulary after actually starting to pursue literature. sometimes his family lightly teases him about using big words but it confuses the hell out of him. its just a word she thought would apply best!!

- soooooo obsessed with what other ppls idea of them is, both in an anxious way and out of genuine curiosity. would never ask ppl what they think of her bc she thinks thats 1) very broad 2) seems compliment fish-y and 3) just gonna lead to "i think ur great/ nice/ whatever filler compliment." but the dream is to sit someone (neil) down and just ask him every single question possible about how he perceives him.

- asks a billion clarifying questions about anything someone asks him to do, gets anxious about how many questions he's asking, tries to just figure it out, freaks out about the possibility of getting it wrong, ends up doing the thing perfectly. weekly occurrence.

- never fully grasped the appeal of religion (most definitely grew up catholic or christian or Something) just bc she could NOT let the lack of proof go. ALSO not an atheist bc the vastness of space scares them out of it. religious beliefs r a weird topic for them.

- suppresses a good chunk of his stims in public bc One total time someone looked at him weird while he was chewing on a sweatshirt string and he was like i gotta stop NOW. eventually develops tics and has to mask THOSE in public too. dear god someone let this girl unmask. also i started ticcing while writing that bc my body does this great thing where i only tic when im reminded of the concept of ticcing. its great and totally doesnt make me think im faking them (faking for who? dunno bc it usually happens when im alone)

- DOES in fact stim around neil bc NEIL STIMS TOO!!!!!!!! joyous day when they found THAT out! gets vocal stims of random lines from whatever play neil is practicing for. YEAA ART THOU THEEEEREE was a vocal stim for a solid week and a half which made neil VERY excited (autistic neil. how i love u autistic anderperry)

- velcro is The most evil vile disgusting material to ever grace this mortal realm. he hates it more than anything ever and i mean that fully. the feeling of BOTH sides, the noise, how easily it comes apart, she hates it all.

this is the gender part

never really viewed gender and gender roles as anything to adhere to beyond the fear of punishment if they dont. finds any social convention relating to gender to be Really dumb and meaningless, bc gender isn't (scientifically) real in any capacity, so why treat it like that? for the longest time just shrugged and said "eh, i guess im a boy" bc thats what she was used to being told, and didn't feel particularly drawn to agree OR disagree. eventually realised on a late night that Wait. i dont Actually care what i am. like yeah im a Male i guess but also im just me. my brain doesnt have a gender and i basically am my brain, right? and then never really thought about it again because that's genuinely how little he cares. adhering the most to canon with that mindset, she never really tells anyone (for obvious reasons on top of the overall apathy) and just lets the he/him happen to her but. in my dream world? agender they/he/she todd anderson. and this is MY blog so those are the pronouns im using from now on. i will forever love talking abt how autistic ppl very often view gender differently than allistic ppl, will forever love talking abt how autistic ppl are more likely to be trans. autism!!!

also yes that entire paragraph is just my view of gender, change the pronouns and the todd mentions and its just me. what of it.

[brbsoulnomming]

Tell Me Sweet Little Lies Part 7

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | AO3

-----

Eddie doesn't know why he can't just shut his mouth.

Well, no.

He does know why, and it's because he talks to distract himself, to make himself sound confident and in control and not afraid at all. Fuck, he's terrified right now, and walking by Steve's side and yammering at him helps, even if he kind of thinks he should have stuck more to Ozzy Osborne and less to Nancy Wheeler. The way Steve's looking up ahead at Nancy after Eddie had commented about her true love worthy actions is - complicated in a way that Eddie, if he's honest, never expected to see on Steve Harrington's face.

Eddie'd kind of always figured that the guy had maybe four emotions and not a whole lot else going on under that hair. He feels bad about it now, now that Steve's walking by his side in hell barefoot and bare chested, the copper scent of his blood still marred and fouled by the strange ichor of the demon bats whenever Eddie leans in too close to him, wearing Eddie's vest better than Eddie himself ever has.

For your modesty, Eddie had said, as though it wasn't really for the sake of Eddie's sanity. As if he wasn't tempted by all that bare skin for more than one reason, as if it wasn't mostly because of the dim light and the grime that he hadn't caught more than a handful of the words inked on Steve's skin, the way he'd been staring.

As if he wasn't doing his best not to still stare. He knows there's come on, I didn't even do anything this time on Steve's bicep, knows it sounds like exactly something he said and lied about. Knows there's oh yeah, Jessie's real cute, legs for days somewhere on Steve's chest, and he's trying to think about something else besides the way it makes him scramble to remember if Jessie was one of the many girls he'd pretended to have a crush on.

Something else. Anything else.

Absurdly, he wonders if there's still demon bat blood and flesh between Steve's teeth, if Eddie could taste it as well as smell it if he kissed him.

"It doesn't matter. Nancy and I aren't soulmates," Steve says quietly, yanking Eddie out of his own thoughts and back on to the topic at hand, which is -

Right. Steve and Nancy, not Steve and Eddie and bloody ichor kissing.

"How do you know?" Eddie challenges.

There's a measured, purposeful silence, and Eddie's eyes widen a little.

"Did you test it?" Despite his true love talk, he hadn't known Nancy and Steve were that serious, back in '84 - or maybe one of them just had something really specific on their skin, that let them know immediately.

Steve scoffs, though, lip curled up in the briefest sneer before he seems to give up. "Not intentionally."

Oh. That's - oh.

"Oh," he says lamely, unable to come up with anything else.

He thinks about asking did you ever go to the hospital, then? or is this what you were trying to protect me from? because fuck, he wants, and he's in the middle of hell and he might as well throw it all in, but… what if it isn't him? Right now, Eddie thinks he'd rather hold onto the pretense that it is, that it could be, than know for sure.

Still a goddamn coward.

"She said she loved me," Steve says, once again snapping Eddie back into the conversation, and huh, he's going to have to remember that.

That Steve will talk, too, if Eddie's quiet long enough, if he gives him the space and shows him that he'll listen.

"Not all the time, but enough," Steve continues. "I believed her. But then - she said that we were just pretending. That it was all bullshit. Both of those things can't be true."

Eddie swallows. "I mean… yeah, sure they can. People can have a lot of feelings about things that are messy and don't make sense, right? Like she could love you and think what you guys were going through was bullshit."

Steve's quiet, and there's this look on his face like he wants so bad it's hurting him, and fuck, Eddie's heart aches. Then Steve seems to shake himself out of it.

"We've got more important shit to worry about, anyway. How're you holding up, man?"

Eddie blinks at him, thrown by the quick subject change. "Fine?"

Steve gives him a look, but - he isn't actually lying.

"Oh, you know, I'm terrified as shit and I feel like my legs are jello and my lungs are about to give out, but at least the murderous mob can't find me down here and I'm not in this alone anymore, so, you know. Things are looking up."

That gets Steve to give a little amused huff, at least, one corner of his mouth turned up in a little smile before his expression goes contemplative. "Maybe I should talk to them."

"Uh." Eddie stares at him. "To who?"

"Carver and the rest of the team. I mean, I don't really know the freshmen, but the older guys seem to be the ones leading the charge anyway."

Yeah, no, that still isn't making any more sense, and he raises an eyebrow. "And you're just. Gonna waltz up and ask them nicely to call off the freak hunt? Jesus fucking Christ, man, are you serious with this?"

The look on Steve's face tells him that yes, he is, and -

"Nope, no, uh-uh, I cannot overstate how bad of an idea this is, you - Buckley, Wheeler, a little help over here?"

The girls stop and turn to him practically in unison, and he waves a hand at Steve. "Stevie here thinks he should go have a nice chat with the mob out for my blood and tell them that he's ashamed of their behavior, and they should all go home and think about what they did."

"Hey!" Steve protests, in that harsh whispery tone that says he'd be shouting if he wasn't worried what attention that would draw. "That's not what I meant, geez, I just thought I could try to run interference with the guys on the basketball team."

Nancy and Robin exchange a look.

"I mean, it's not a terrible idea," Robin says, but she looks unsure about what she's saying.

"Of course it's a terrible idea," Nancy retorts. "Do you want to draw their attention to us?"

"I think their attention is already pretty drawn," Steve points out.

"To Eddie," Nancy replies. "What's the point of working to keep him hidden if we're just going to announce that we're involved with him somehow?"

Steve scowls. "How the fuck is Carver not a suspect, anyway? It was his girlfriend, then he's found at the scene of the crime with his friend's body, and he's still walking free and leading the crusade against someone else? That feels like basic detective work to me."

Eddie snorts. "Probably the same reason why your parties used to get busted up with a warning, but I got arrested for supplying the people who went to them."

He expects some blustering protest, especially when he sees Nancy's eyes cut to Steve with a wary resignation, but Steve just deflates a little.

"Oh." He looks over at Robin, giving her this little crestfallen expression with a searching eyebrow raised.

Robin's brows are pinched, and she shrugs at him, which apparently gives Steve the answer to whatever he was asking.

He turns back to them, shoulders squared. "So all the more reason I should talk to them. If he's getting by on that shit, then I can use the same thing to get him off your back."

Nancy looks at him all soft and contemplative, and for a moment Eddie has the horrifying thought that the back up he called for might actually be against him, but -

"It's still not worth the risk," she says firmly. "And we have more important things to worry about right now than Jason Carver."

Another earthquake strikes before Steve can attempt to continue the argument - if he was going to, anyway, Eddie'd seen the look of determination on his face but he's also seen the way he tends to ultimately defer to Nancy.

It doesn't really matter, he guesses, because the shaking is violent enough to knock them around - Nancy ending up held securely in Steve's arms and Eddie and Robin ending up hitting the ground.

Well, Eddie ending up hitting the ground, but for once his ability to throw himself around without thinking comes in handy, and he manages to catch Robin enough that she lands mostly on him.

There's a silent round of looks between the four of them, making sure they're all okay, and then they're off again.

"Hey, Eddie," Robin says as she comes up alongside him. "Thanks for the save."

Eddie huffs out a little laugh. "Steve just did the exact same thing."

Robin's expression goes a little scrunched. "He just threw himself on the ground and gave me an admittedly not very soft landing spot, but better than the Upside Down floor?"

"No, he - hey, shut up, I'm very comfortable - he came up to thank me for a save, too."

Her eyebrows shoot up, and then narrow contemplatively, gaze settling hard on Steve's back where he's walking with Nancy. "Oh did he. Your own personal thank you, huh?"

"Uh."

Eddie doesn't exactly know what to say to that. He'd fixated on Nancy to deflect from his own actions so he didn't have to process finally accepting his massive crush on Steve Harrington in front of the man himself, because she seemed like the obvious choice, but Robin had jumped in after Steve without a second thought, too, maybe she didn't appreciate not being singled out for a thank you.

She doesn't look unappreciated, though, she looks like she's mulling something over, a tentative little smile of amusement tugging at her lips before she looks back at him.

"Well, we both know what you did."

His eyes widen. No. There's no way she knows he's having horny soulmate thoughts about Steve Harrington, she can't -

"Making sure the kids didn't get in the boat?" she prompts. "Even though it meant that you had to come back out on the lake? Yeah, you can talk about being a coward all you want, but we see you."

Eddie flushes, grabbing for a piece of his hair to hide behind and immediately dropping it, considering it's still damp from lake water and Upside Down gunk. "Don't make me into something I'm not, Buckley."

He's not the hero in this. He's barely a party member. He's just - a companion they picked up for this particular quest because they had no other options. Eddie's got no illusions about where he stands in all of this, no matter how much he wants it to be different.

She rolls her eyes. "Well, it's still nice to have another almost adult in all of this. We actually outnumber the children, at least for now."

Eddie frowns. "How many children are involved in all of this?"

"Six," she replies. "A hoard of six of them that used to show up to irritate us when we were just trying to serve ice cream without getting screamed at by overheated mall rats; it was very annoying how many children Steve was friends with. Then I invited myself into their little party, but we kind of got Erica Sinclair involved too, so the numbers didn't exactly improve."

She pauses, then looks at him suspiciously. "You don't come with another child that we're going to have to watch out for, do you?"

He barks out a laugh. "No. The three youngest of my flock are already involved with all of this, it seems. The only thing I come with is blood thirsty jocks."

It comes out light and joking, the way he'd meant it to, but it still makes her look at him consideringly for a moment.

"No," he says, guessing what she's thinking.

"We would, you know, if you wanted us to," Robin tells him. "Steve's run interference with his old crowd before."

He opens his mouth to retort that he doesn't want them to, then snaps it shut, aware that would be a lie before he even says it. "It doesn't really matter what I want right now," he settles on. "Like Wheeler said, it's too risky."

Robin looks at him like she knows exactly what he was going to say, and he shifts his weight uncertainty, fiddling with his rings and waiting for her to call him on it.

She doesn't, though. She just gives a little hum, watching him for a moment longer before turning her focus back on the path ahead of them, calling out to Steve to ask him how much farther and getting into a shouty whisper fight about who needs to lower their voice.

And, well. That's the end of that, it seems, and they continue onto the Wheeler house to get their hands on Nancy's Wheeler's apparent stash of firearms. He tells himself that the warmth he feels is the satisfaction of having won that argument twice, and not from the fact that someone - that Steve Harrington - was ready to stand up for him despite the risk.

It's a good thing the lies he tells himself don't count.

Taglist: @vampireinthesun @koibug @estrellami-1 @mentalcyborg @allbimyself26 @questionablequeeries @the-s-is-silent @whimsicalwitchm @a-gae-af-racoon @tinyplanet95 @n0-1-important @velocitytimes2 @swimmingbirdrunningrock @newtstabber @jcmadgirl @roblingoblin285 @lexyvey @paperbackribs @goodolefashionedloverboi @evix-syne666 @raisedbylibrarians @stxrcrossed186 @nightmareglitter @greekgeek24 @starman-jpg @crazyhatlady86 @affablevixen @imfinereallyy @manda-panda-monium @deleataecount @prideandsensibility @chaoticvictorianspirit @maydillydally @disrespectedgoatman @scarlet-malfoy @i-less-than-three-you @hbyrde36 @hallucinatedjosten @dragonsandgayships @arepaconchocolate @g4ys0n @novelnovella @bisexualdisastersworld @ghostofyourvampiregf @scarletyeager @pettrichore @nerd-and-nervous @hiimlevi @queenie-ofthe-void

-----

Part 8

[localcultivator]

Forgive my northern attitude (i was raised in the cold) pt.1

tags: talk of emotional neglect, seasonal depression, depression related self harm actions, mild Buddie content, buddie friendly, bobby and athena act like Buck's parents.

Winter had never been Buck’s favorite season. It reminded him of short days, long nights desperately trying to stay quiet enough not to be called down by his parents and reminded how little they cared for him. Cold nights huddled under covers for warmth that was never truly there. It reminded him of the worst times in his life every time he was around snow, and frost, and ice. Buck was smart enough to realize that a good portion of his mood changing the moment it was below 50 degrees fahrenheit was also due to his clinically diagnosed seasonal depression. Truly, a bunch of fancy words to say that Buck thrived on light and warmth like any houseplant or herb.

Eddie knew this, planned for it year after year. Small little boosts that Buck needed to thrive and flourish in the chill (although some would say what chill as they had both lived in LA for many years, which would lead into a long tangent/rant from Buck regarding ocean currents, and wound patterns.). He would slide hand warmers into Buck’s hoodies, would make sure that the truck had time to warm up in the mornings before shuffling Buck in, and of course, when Buck stayed over, he would pile on the blankets. Eddie wasn’t sure how much of his seasonal caring for Buck was second nature, and something he had to put conscious effort into.  It was like anything else regarding Evan’s space in his life. Effortless.

Bobby loved the frost, even if the sight of snow brought on feelings of loss and sorrow as well. Too much outweighed the grief though, and joyous memories with Marcy and his family filled his daydreams whenever there was a particularly strong chill. Bobby loved the chill, and he knew with every fiber of his being, Buck did not. His oldest, by choice and love, was a different person in the winter air, and Bobby knew that it was a product of his childhood and how he was raised. Bobby always wondered if the frigid air reminded Buck a little too much of the house he grew up in, if the silence that came when the world was blanketed in snow reminded him of his parents. Bobby had so many questions, but he never dared to ask them with fear he would be prying into something even Evan himself had not yet handled. So year after year, Bobby helped take care of his son, even from afar. He made him his special chili, and always made sure to make two batches of his cornbread. He filled Bucks freezer with stock cubes, and frozen containers for soup for the days when everything was too much and Buck couldn’t cook. His heart warmed every year for being able to provide for one of his children. 

Maddie hadn’t known initially when she came to L.A the real reason Buck had decided to settle here. Sure, there was story after story, and reason after reason, but in the end, it was simple. Buck hated the cold, and loved the ocean. He also wasn’t much of a fan of hurricanes, although it felt silly to complain about that now that they had dealt with tsunami’s and such. Maddie wasn’t surprised about her brother’s lack of love for the winter months, and she felt they were truly united and related in this topic, even if it was for wildly different reasons. Cold always reminded Maddie of Doug, of fear and running and how warm blood can feel when you’re on the edge of hypothermia. Neither Buckley sibling could handle the temperature changes, and yet. Buck’s reactions had always been more severe than her own. His tended to lead to spirals and tendencies to rush in before thinking. Her support for him was bandaging wounds and fulfilling pinkie promises she had made over a decade ago. Her’s led to nightmares and late nights with insomnia. His support for her was cuddling on the couch and checking for monsters as though her trauma would physically manifest itself in the dark corners of her bedroom. Chimney was happy to entertain the strange rituals of chilled Buckley’s and had a few of his own for the siblings. 

-----------

the rest will be posted when i finish it <3

missing chim's, hen's and Athena's POV

[jinlias]

beso - rosé

– listen to ‘beso’ by rosalía and rauw alejandro!

i just need another kiss, one of those that you give me

roseanne was always in your head, whether it was her face, her voice, her laughter, or her lips, maybe even her touch. she was always. on your mind. today, it was her kisses you thought about. how your favorite moments with her somehow involved her laying on her side while u sat criss-cross in front of her.. always talking useless topics before she gets tired of pretending like she isn’t burning to touch you, feel you, taste you.

you kiss like you’ve always known how, like no one has had to teach you.

it’s always then she takes her cue to tangle her hand in your hair and pull you towards her lips, where yours dance against them. her teeth sinking into your lips every now and then so you would make those noises she loved so much.

most times than others all you did at night after a long and tiring day was just that. kissing with only the breaks to talk about something meaningless or inside jokes the two of you had. usually in the dark, sometimes out on your balcony. rosé had grown used to expressing many thoughts and feelings over them, and you had gotten used to understanding them.

being away from you is hell, being close to you is my peace. I love whenever you arrive, and I hate when you leave.

the hardest part was the wait. the wait to see her, to touch her, all while millions of people were seeing her and taking her in every day.

you were so proud of rosé, consider yourself her no.1 fan, but damn, do you wish she could be amazing and successful just a little closer to home.

you can’t lie and say you barely see her, but even with the many times one of you flies to the other, it’s not enough. time feels as if it’s being lost whenever you’re apart.

it’s a repeating cycle, the anticipation builds as the days lead to your reunion, either rosé picks you up at the airport or it’s you who’s waiting outside an hour prior to her flight landing, and then you have the best next couple of days and both of you will cry when it’s time to say goodbye.

“i hate this” you pout on the bed while she finishes packing her suitcase, taking advantage of her visit to refresh the contents of it.

“i know. i do too baby.”

“i hate when you have to go back.” you welcome her embrace, while she wraps her arms around your shoulders and her tummy welcomes the side of your face, her own cheek meeting the top of your head as she leans in search of proximity.

“i don’t think i have to be there tomorrow” she begins the swaying and the searching for excuses as to stay.

“rosie”

“yeah. lisa’s flying in two days, fuck that!” she giggles and pushes the two of you on the bed, a little too excited to be ghosting her job for two more days.

sometimes it works, as shown, sometimes either of you caves and does the impossible to prolong your stay in the arms of your lover.

it forces you to make the best of your time together, even if you’re laying together doing absolutely nothing other than stare into each other’s soul, you enjoy each other’s company so much you soon came to the conclusion you wouldn’t rather be anywhere else.

the best thing I've got, is the love you give to me. It smells of tobacco and melon.

unpacking after spending time with rosé or doing laundry in her absence have to be one of the most endearingly painful situations. endearing, because the musk of her cologne and the faint smell her clothes have gathered because of her cigarettes spring on you endless memories of you and her late at night smoking and talking shit about everyone you knew.

painful because it reminds you of how much you miss her. but you wouldn’t have it any other way. you adore rosé so much you look forward to talk to her even if it’s thirty minutes with as much privacy as the corner in her dance room can allow. she loves you to the point of taking spontaneous trips home whenever she has a break longer than two days, she won’t tell anyone, she will just disappear and her members and crew have to trust she gets to the next destination in time, because she won’t answer any sort of text or call unless someone was dying.

you’ll hold on to the clothes she wore on her last day home until the scent fades completely, hating the infinite battle you had with sleep when she wasn’t there with you. but slowly you overcome it, when she starts getting more of a vote over her career she tried to be home as much as she could, and if she couldn’t be then she would do anything to take you with her.

and it’s more kissing at night while stargazing and less yearning to be together after so long apart. it’s more of the sunday nights you spent either having dinner at a fancy restaurant in the city, or overlooking it from a hill with takeout from your favorite place.

i could tie heaven up, and give it to you entirely

[accio-victuuri]

how many cpns can you get from a 7 second douyin by wyb? 💚💚💚

The Douyin King is back! I know i’m not the only one who missed his random ass douyin posts. They are very much welcome, he is free to share one everyday. I’m cackling at the comparison going around between WYB and other people. So, the rest of the celebrities and influencers are posting on a regular basis per month and have different topics.

photos at work, travel photos, interests/hobbies. this line represents the whole year. there is another diagram that shows how many per line, like 1-2 or more. then you have wang yibo 😂😂😂

line 1 : I'm busy at work and have no time. // line 2: I don’t have time to skateboard, ride a motorcycle or play golf // line 3: Visit my gege’s camping site and the volcano scenery is very good and has a lot of material// line 4: happy and don’t have much time// line 5: Shoot whoever is lucky enough to shoot!

then all the lines after is when he will post — shows that he will share a lot towards the end of the year to keep up with KPI. lol. he is rushing his homework again, to the point that on the video, people are searching what wyb’s kpi mean. which is the engagement metrics he needs to reach and now he gotta work on it, even the fans know and expect it.

the memes are also hilarious! 😂😂😂 ( cat memes below ) basically him working on making his “cool” posts to the internet.

Honestly, never change yibo. We love you as you are, Our Gremlin Best Actor. 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

That was a long intro, now let’s move on to the sweets & CPN…..

• @rainbowsky already talked about the messenger bird CPN & how it might be for ZZ’s Hennessy endorsement.

• similarity in how sometimes, they just wanna post an emoji for caption. this one is a cute parallel from 2021 and 2023. If you wanna further clown with WYB using kadian 13 for yizhan then go ahead too 😌

• it is being compared to him referencing his shoes before, picking up his shoes ( xie zi ) (xz) ; and now it’s another homophonic clue ( jm ) ⬇️⬇️⬇️

yes we know that you get to meet more often now cause you are both in Beijing! It’s so cool how their language can be used for so many things and you can play with it to send different meanings. international fans could never 💀💀💀💀

• talking about picking up and meeting, cpfs remembered ZZ’s 11/17/21 douyin post. It’s the one with him and a light saber and a sexy transformation. Going by his clothes, I’m thinking it was what he wore during the DC tencent conference and at the time of posting it was already considered as leftover. but I could be wrong, cause he might have worn other leather jackets that year for ads.

anyway, the point is — please compare the background of the rooms. the walls. you know. add the floor too. 👀

look, this isn’t the most unique type of interior. i would say it’s pretty basic like how we clown about hotel curtains. i’m guessing yibo’s is an evisu shoot sometime ago ( cause his hair is not that fluffy anymore idk if his stylist did something to make it like that even with his recent cut ). this place may be a studio of sorts that can be rented out and they just happen to have filmed there.

or… or…..

this could be XZS office. or one of their rented office. Why? this CPN is similar to the one in 2020. How we speculated that the birthday shoot was done in XZS office so ZZ could supervise the direction of the shoot too.

we also love to talk about how xzs and ybo office are right next to each other ( it’s a fact xzs is close to yuehua building actually ) so maybe that can be an explanation too 😂😂😂 it’s not uncommon for an office to have a separate space to do regular photoshoots so maybe theirs have that. or this could have been done after and wyb dropped off their office and took this.

hahahahahaha! so many explanations all because of a wall. that’s the kind of life we turtles have 🙃

Personally, i’m hoping for a 24 hour relay between them. 🙏🏼

-END.

[filipfuckingtelford]

The Forbidden Fruit. Remastered. Final Part.

Chibs x Reader fanfiction. Obliously

I wrote the previous version long ago, now it seemes too short and flat to me. So I decided to write the new version.

Y/N is Clay and Gemma's daughter. Club's princess. Everyone in the club loves her and she treats everyone nice and caring as well. Chibs was seeing her growing up and never noticed what a beautiful yound woman she became. Untill one night.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 In Flames bonus

⊹──⊱✠⊰──⊹

Chibs didn't expect their stay in Stockton to be peaceful, having Pope as an enemy was dangerous without a dobt. But what happened to Opie was way too much. Jax, Tig and Chibs were broken, shocked, it was too unexpected, too stupid and too brutal. And Ope wasn't even supposed to be there with the three of them. He was staying close to Jax, to his brothers and he sacrifieced his own life to save one of them.

Chibs saw how heartbreaking this loss was for Jakson. He knew the two of them were best friends and that Teller would want to eliminate everyone who was involved. And Filip himself was ready to help when they will be outside again.

Soon enough they were released. Coming back home was nothing like it usually was. No party, no joy. They lost another brother. They've lost too many people because of the drug deal Clay started. And Chibs kept thinking that this man was still dangerous for the club and for his own family. He already hurt Gemma and there was no guarantee that one day he won't do something bad to Y/N. Not even speaking about the club itself. God only knew what he could do even now when he was no longer their president.

But it was all to think about later. Right now Chibs was in his room, he had shower and was now sitting on his bed, smoking. His hair still wet and he was wearing jeans and white shirt, his leather resting on the back of the chair. He was trying to cope with his emotions after loosing Ope and knowing that it was not the last call from Pope. He was tired, grief for one brother and worry for the rest of them consuming him. Filip took another gulp from the bottle but scotch had no effect on him right now.

A knock on the door made him frown and look up, distracted from his gloomy thoughts. "It's open" He said but still had no idea who it was.

Door opened quietly and Y/N stepped into the room. She was sad as well, her eyes red and swollen. When Chibs left to his room she was talking to Jax and there was only one topic for them today. But she smiled softly as she closed the door behind her and came up to Filip. Y/N sat on the edge of the bed next to him and took his palm.

Chibs looked at her confused a little, his mask was back on as he thought she might need his help and support. He was always like this, ready to help any of his brothers or anyone from the family not really paying attention to his own needs and feelings, not even showing those to anyone.

"Ye okay, lass?" He asked quietly. Filip didn't know why she came here but he was glad to see her, feel her close again. He missed it.

"I am. But I know you're tired, hurt and sad" Y/N said quietly and looked into his eyes. Her palm gently touching his cheek, thumb brushing against his scar. "And you don't need to hide your feelings from me, Filip"

It was usually so uncomfortable for him when someone was touching his scars or even paying attention to those so he stiffened at first. But her touch felt so soothing and Chibs relaxed, his eyes closed, leaning towards her soft palm. Y/N was not here looking for support she came to him to help him sooth his pain and ease his nerves. And she was probably the only human being who could do it.

"Why didn't ye stay with Jax?" He whispered quietly his eyes still closed. It felt like a beautiful dream and Chibs didn't want to wake up from it.

"Because he has Tara to take care of him. And I know you will be sitting here alone with all of your emotions and tomorrow you hide it all and show up looking as calm as always. I know what happened is hard for you just like for everyone here. You don't need to hide it" Y/N was still touching his cheek as she was talking, every word making his heart melt and squeeze with love and tenderness.

"Thank ye, lass" Chibs whispered and leaned down, his forehead pressed against her shoulder.

Y/N tangled her fingers into his hair, stroking his head gently. She was an angel, she knew exactly how he was and what he needed. She was perfect for him. Chibs wanted to tell her, confess his feelings but he couldn't. The moment wasn't right. There would probably never be the right moment. He couldn't lose what he had - her as a friend with telling her how he felt about Y/N.

Soon enough Chibs was laying on the bed, his head resting on her lap. Y/N was stroking his head, gently, carefully. He felt tears running down his face and for the first time in his life he didn't want to hide it.

⊹──⊱✠⊰──⊹

What happened in the next week was a sequence of hurtfull disturbing events. House invasions in Charming, deals with Irish, finding those who killed Opie. And at the end Gemma and boys were almost killed on the road. It left Chibs no time for anything else. All he was doing were club issues.

The next day after Gemma was attacked Sons thought they found out who did it. Everything was leading to Frankie. But he was nowhere to be found. Until the evening when Jax got a call from Nero.

Jax, Boby and Chibs headed straight to Diosa. They entered the building and it seemed empty but in the next room they saw Nero, who was tied to the chair. Frankie showed up before they could do anything, he was holding Lyla and made Sons to unarm and stand on their knees, his gun in poor girl's mouth. Chibs would kill him with his bare hands if he could but it was too dangerous for Lyla.

The bastard wanted money, but club didn't have that much to give him. Happily Nero did.

"Just take the gun out of her mouth!" He begged after Frankie agreed to take it.

"Hey Elvis, get up your fat ass and get the money" He pointed the gun at Jax and Chibs who were kneeled infront of him, their hands behind heads "You try anything I kill them both"

Nero gave Bobby instructions on how to find and open his safe and Bobby left.

"How do you think it will end?" Jax was looking at Frankie fearless as usual but man's answer made him surprised.

"This wasn't my idea, kid. Clay promises shit he can't deliver" Frankie smirked, pointing gun from one man to another.

"You want to tell me Clay was behind the break-ins?" Jax raised his brows.

"Come on, Jax" Frankie seemed irritated with the conversation "You know he will do anything to get his gavel back and his cash points"

"He sign off on you going after my family?" Jax still couldn't believe it was this way, even for Clay it was too much. And Chibs hardly believed it either. He was silent, allowing his president to speak and was just watching for a moment to trick Frankie if he'd get distracted.

"I never went after your family" Bastard shook his head pointing gun at Jakson again.

"Someone went after Gemma and my kids last night!" Jax raised his voice in anger.

"Now why the heal would I do that!?" Frankie was pissed, insulted with this accusation.

"Cause ye're the greasy scumbag animal!" Chibs couldn't help it, he hated the bastard and when the gun was pointed at him again he closed his eyes, waiting for the shot to follow, but it didn't thanks to Bobby who came back with the money.

Chibs opened his eyes watching his brother to drop bags on the table and being put down on his knees again. Frankie demanded the van Nero had and finally released Lyla to get him keys. Chibs was scared that he will take her or Nero as hostage but he pointed at Filip.

"Get up scotty" He said and Chibs stood up.

Jax tried to stop Frankie and he pointed his gun at Teller again. It was too dangerous to argue right now, the bastard could kill one of them easily.

"Jakie..." Chibs looked at his brother to calm him down.

Next moment Frankie tossed him keys with "You're driving" and Chibs followed him.

"You come after me, I'll kill him" Frankie promised, his gun now pointing on the back of Chibs' head.

"You're making a mistake" Jax warned as calm as he could. And it was enough for the bastard to shoot Lyla, grab Chibs and push him out of the building.

Chibs didn't know how bad the girl was hurt, he couldn't do anything to stop Frankie and stay alive. So Filip sat behind the wheel and drove where the man told him, outside of the city.

⊹──⊱✠⊰──⊹

It was already dark when Frankie ordered to stop the car, next to another one that was probably waiting for him to help him escape and cover his tracks. Chibs stopped and Frankie got out of the van. Filip hoped he would just leave but he came to the driver's door and opened it, making Chibs follow him to the side of the road.

Pointing his gun at Filip Frankie pushed him and ordered him to kneel again. Chibs was looking at him with rage in his eyes but there was nothing he could do. He kneeled, looking down. It was inevitable, he knew the bastard will blow his brain out, so as Frankie moved around to stand behind his back Chibs crossed himself ready to face his end.

He felt the gun pressed against his head and looked up, tears blurring his sight. All he could think about now was Y/N. He regreted that she won't ever know how he felt, how much he loved her.

"Hey" Chibs said, his voice raspy "At least ye could look me in the eyes befor ye kill me. Ye guinea coward"

He felt that Frankie was ready to pull the trigger. He was waiting, tensed. It wasn't the first time he was close to death but this time Chibs couldn't do anything at all to prevent it. Suddenly he heard the car horn as the driver in the second vehicle asked Frankie to hurry up. Filip felt a gun hitting his head and fall down, passing out.

⊹──⊱✠⊰──⊹

Chibs woke up on the ground several hours later. Feeling terrible headache he groaned and touched the back of his head feeling dried blood under his fingers. He sat up slowly and reached to his pocket. His phone was luckily with him still so he dialed Bobby's number.

His brother answered immediately and soon he found Chibs on the road.

"You're okay brother?" Bobby hugged him before they got into the car "Want to go to hospital?"

"Nah, I'm fine. Just a scratch. I wanna take shower and sleep" Chibs shook his head and winced with pain.

"Alright Chibby, but I'll stitch you up at least" Bobby insisted.

They came to the clubhouse early in the morning and headed to the club room where Bobby cleaned and stapled his wound quickly. All the time Chibs had a feeling that someone was watching him but there was no one around so he thought if was because of what happened last night.

"Thank ye, brother" Filip nodded to Bobby and headed to his dorm. He wanted to take shower, change his clothes and have some rest before they had to deal with anything else.

The knock on the door was heard right after he got out of the shower, so Chibs quickly put his jeans and t-shirt on and opened the door. He thought that maybe Bobby needed something or Jax came to see if he was alright. But it wasn't any of his brothers.

"Y/N?" Chibs asked, confused. It was so early and he didn't even know she was in the clubhouse.

She didn't say anything, instead Y/N wrapped her arms around his waist hiding her face on his chest. He felt his shirt getting wet with her tears but had no idea why she was crying.

"What happened, lassie?" Chibs asked quietly his palms resting on her back. He was confused and worried.

"I was so scared" Y/N sobbed and looked up at him. She didn't even bother to wipe tears from her face "I thought he'd kill you"

"Me? What are ye talking about?" Chibs frowned. How did she even know about what happened.

"Tig told me about Frankie" Y/N explained while he closed the door and made her sit down on the bed kneeling infront of her "I... I thought he will kill you and I will never have a chance to tell you..."

Chibs saw it was hard for her to find words and he didn't know what was going on.

"Tell me what? Lass, I'm okay, don't ye cry because of me" Chibs brushed his thumbs against her cheeks wiping off her tears and looking at her with surprise. He didn't expect her to worry about him so much.

Y/N touched his face with her fingers so softly looking into his eyes. "I love you, Filip" She whispered and he could see how scared she was.

"Ye love me?" Chibs asked as he could not believe it just yet. Maybe it was because of the head injury and it was all an illusion?

"I do... I loved you since I was sixteen, even longer I think" Y/N said never breaking the eye contact "I know you don't need it but after what happened I just couldn't keep it a secret. I don't want you to die and never know how I feel about you"

Chibs was hardly breathing at all while she was talking. His heart was squeezing with every word he heard from Y/N. Breaking with the insecurity he heard in her voice. How could she ever think that he didn't want it. It was all obvious to Piney and he only saw Chibs looking at this girl for couple of hours. But for her his own feelings were still unknown.

"Y/N... You have no idea how you made me feel now" Chibs took her palms, pressing his lips against her fingers "I love ye, lass. I loved ye before ye even left and I've never stopped"

"Why didn't you ever told me, Filip?" Y/N squeezed his palms with her fingers looking at him confused.

"I couldn't. Ye were so good to me and ye told me I was such a good friend, I couldn't lose it with spilling out my feelings to ye" Chibs sighed and stoop up as well as Y/N. She was here in his arms, she loved him. And he still didn't dare to touch her the way he wanted "I'm twise yer age, lass. An old broken outlaw. Why do ye want me?"

"You just don't see yourself the way I do, Fillip" Y/N whispered and looked up at him "Will you finally kiss me?" She teased with a soft smile.

Chibs leaned down finally allowing himself to kiss her. Her lips were sweet and soft and it almost made him moan with pleasure when he finally felt it after so many years of waiting. His palms were resting on the small of her back as Y/N pressed herself against him as tight as she could, her fingers sliding under his t-shirt and sending shivers on his skin.

The kiss once soft and gentle bacame deeper, filled with passion they both were holding back for so long. Chibs finally stepped back for a second and locked the door befor he lifted Y/N her legs wrapped around his hips, and kissed her again with a quiet groan of pleasure escaping his chest.

[changbinsboobs]

who in skz has the most playful energy or the easiest to connect to in order and what is something u think each member needs to work more on like in shadow work?

For the first is rank it like this:

Chan - both playful and easiest to connect to

I.N - easy to connect to, not necessarily playful but very lighthearted and easy energy

(Those were the only one's which energy feels playful)

Felix - not necessarily easy to connect to since his energy and views(?) are very simple and 1 dimensional so often theres not much to pick on, or theres SOOO much at once he doesn't even know what to answer and often doesn't really answer the question im asking but something else, i think just because he isn't too sure of his own thoughts and feelings himself. Though there aren't any barriers when trying to access or reach him. Not necessarily playful either but his energy is very simple and often positive and just..idk he seems content and neutral, but positively leaning.

Seungmin - his energy isn't playful at all, but he's very easy to connect to. Like really easy, he knows what he wants, what he likes, he understands himself and his surroundings and situations very well and has a good head on his shoulders. Gives just enough energy & information for me to work with and is very clear and to the point.

Han - he's pretty neutral. Not playful. Sometimes kinda dark and confused energy. Sometimes not. Connecting to his energy isn't too hard, but also not too easy. And reading it is sometimes also a bit challenging...actually lots of the time its challenging i think out if all the members he's the most difficult for me to read for. I just can't read his energy very well because its really chaotic and unsure and it feels like he's trying to lie or something idk how to explain it, but deciphering his messages is kinda hard. Like he has something to hide.

Lee Know - he's almost the same but a tad bit easier going. Not playful, but has a lighter energy. Connecting to it is not hard but he doesn't gush it all out either. Its just very balanced. When it comes to deciphering his messages tho its a bit more difficult as it also feels like im not reading their authentic energy but something thats been thought about and rehearsed and i always feel like theres more and im like seeing some messages and hints etc, but they aren't coherent and don't connect to each other. Just like as with han's...

Hyunjin - has a gloomy energy. Tbh i don't really like reading on him as he just feels really heavy, sticky and unpleasant to be around (energetically). If i could describe his energy with one word i would use "limbo" or "labyrinth". Very dark, gloomy, damp, unsure, hopeless etc. And its not triggered by anything specific thats just his natural inner vibe. He's very watery - makes sense after all he's a pisces and has (if im not mistaken) watery, dark nakshatras as well. His energy is easy to connect to and read tho. So thats that. He's pretty open and doesn't try to hide anything he just openly presents his energy, sometimes it even feels like he does it so openly in hopes he gets help or guidance from somewhere to help him decide or make up his mind. If i had to chose a card to describe him it would be 2 of Swords.

Changbin - the darkest, deepest member with the thickest walls and most hesitation. Once he opens up tho he starts gushing out and his energy is EXTREMELY detailed and if i "let him" he would ramble on and on and jump to many different topics that are somehow connected together and if his reading were a visual thing it would look like a tree or mindmap. His readings would be PAGES long, as he has so so mich to say. He has an opinion on everything, explanation for everything, comments about everything and he truly loves to talk, he has a very active mind and a very deep heart and he just really lacks space in his life where he could express all that. I fear the people around him, as loving as they are, just aren't as deep as him so he can never have a truly satisfying conversation up to his standards, and music is or was his only outlet but he faces LOTS of restrictions from the company which kind of takes his only outlet away, forcing him to keep to himself and bottle it all up. And with the others, most of the time i have to write it all "by myself", which is not the case for changbin. Most of the time, when reading for him i feel like he talks through me, like im genuinely channeling his energy at the moment and one thing comes after the other and i can't type fast enough to express everything thats comming to mind when connected to him. Sooo yeah idk how to label him exactly. Very, very hard to connect to - takes always the longest to shuffle his cards, and the to sit with them and get familiar and slooooowly and gently enter his energy - but once im in its overwhelming (in the best way). Goofy and playful not really - but very friendly. As dark and deep and even sometimes scary, his energy feels like, he's really friendly and feels very safe being in his energy. I love reading most for him💗 then for I.n and then probably for chan. When reading for chan tbh it feels like im talking with one of the girlies and we're just giggling and spilling some tea😂

About your question with the shadow work, Im not too sure yet if i should do individual readings or group readings. So I'll just add it to the masterlist for now and think about it a bit. Maybe I'll do individual readings for the members that really need it (like chan, hyunjin, changbin etc) and for the rest ill do a group reading that doesnt go as much into detail.