#1) i love too many topics not enough i could talk about for that long maybe. three max

[allthecastlesonclouds]

sometimes your mutual tags you in an ask game and you look at it and go “oh my god this looks SO fun. however i don’t know how to answer this”

[bouquetface]

SYNASTRY OBSERVATIONS 2

Accuracy influenced by entire natal chart. This is NOT a person read. Looking at only aspect or placement will only give general information.

Lilith conjunct ASC:

Strong attraction. A forbidden kind of attraction. Could be due to many reasons. Possible examples:

One is significantly older, One is already in a relationship at the time of meeting, One could be a coworker or person in authority.

Chiron conjunct ASC:

Chiron person could be triggered by ASC person. Due to their lifestyle, attitude or approach to life.

For EX, let’s say this occurs in the sign of gemini. This sign is typically fast, curious and communicative. The chiron person may have grown up misunderstood their entire lives. They struggle to communicate and/or be understood effectively. The ASC gemini person likely has a fast thinking, fast moving way of life. They’re curious, bore easily and move onto the next topic fast. If the ASC gemini person isn’t willing to slow down, they risk hurting chiron. As chiron may not feel they mix well with ASC person’s lifestyle.

Chiron conjunct Venus:

An amazing placement especially if the man is venus. Venus’s natural way of expressing love can heal chiron.

I’ve seen this happen in the sign of Capricorn. In past relationships, chiron questioned whether they were enough. Their ex critiqued them and negatively compared them to other women.

In their marriage with a Venus Cap, they feel absolutely appreciated and admired.

Sun conjunct Venus:

The couple above also has this aspect. The woman is a Cap sun, she naturally has the traits this Venus Cap desires in a wife. The Venus Cap often talks highly about her. He tells her and others he can’t believe she even exists because she is his dream girl. He has said before he’s shocked someone so perfect would be with him. This aspect can be a good ego boost for the Venus person.

Venus conjunct Jupiter:

Really positive. When these two are together there is an abundance of love and joy. A good marriage/long term connection indicator. It’s hard to resist each other because of the good times/feelings you have when together.

The only downside, these two may overindulge too much when together. Leading to enabling behaviour. Possibly overspending and overdoing.

So while it can be good, 2 times I’ve seen this as Jupiter feeling drained in the end. They poured so much into Venus to keep them happy but Venus never felt satisfied/always desired more. The other 1 time I’ve known a couple with this aspect, it resulted in marriage. I believe this aspect may work better when Jupiter is the man & Venus is the woman.

Chiron conjunct Chiron:

This can manifest as bonding over similarities in your past struggles. However, if both are not in a matured stage of life, they may trigger each other. Bringing out the worst behaviours in each other.

Moon Square Moon:

This could create tension that leads to passion. Scorpio and fire sign venus may enjoy this aspect in their relationships. However, it may lead to emotional pain. Both could struggle to understand & properly care for the other.

Aries Moon Square Cancer Moon:

This is particularly difficult from what I’ve seen. The aries moon felt the cancer moon is “weak” and “overly sensitive”. The aries moon expresses passion in a more aggressive & teasing manner. The cancer moon, especially if they don’t have fire sign placements, could be hurt by this. They don’t understand and/or like the way aries moon’s expresses themselves.

COMPOSITE CHART OBSERVATIONS:

MC conjunct Uranus: To outsiders, the relationship feels unstable. The relationship may have on and off stages.

Mars in 12th. Generally, this isn’t a good placement. Indicates hidden resentment. One person likely does not fully understand the reason for the other’s anger/frustration.

- I’ve seen this manifest as a woman who many bad experiences with men in the past. This made her untrusting of her boyfriend. She feels past experiences made her take some frustrations out on her boyfriend. He did not fully understand her angry outbursts since he wasn’t doing anything wrong.

Moon in 12th. A positive manifestation is knowing what the other needs subconsciously. You are in tune with each other’s feelings on a deeper level.

A negative manifestation is one person’s emotional needs are not being met. For this reason, they are unable to feel comfortable and properly loved.

2nd house ruler in 12th. In my opinion, this is the worst to have. This suggests one’s ability to feel secure is lost. Trust does not come easy. Communication needs to be strong to overcome this placement.

12th H Libra

12th can reveal what may potentially break the couple up or be a hidden problem in the relationship. By hidden I mean issues that are repressed or a sub conscious issue.

In the sign of Libra, inability to compromise, inability to peacefully resolve problems and inability to be make decisions together could be a problem.

Venus in 12th H

The couple may struggle with emotional intimacy. The physical is easy and enjoyable but emotionally opening up is not.

This can indicate a relationship where for some reason the couple hides their love when in front of people. And/Or they hide their true feelings from each other.

This is a tricky placement. While the two are interested in one another, creating a harmonious connection is not easy. Peace is disrupted. The couple can be chaotic.

Jupiter in 12th H

This is actually positive in my experience. The couple has luck on their side to solve any issues. However, luck may not be enough to save the connection if it turns sour. Yet, there will be many opportunities to resolve their problems. The two have a genuine desire to fight for one another. The two can understand each other on an intuitive level. You just get each other.

Example: This is actually my friend’s observation. She observed in the composite of her parents, Jupiter and Venus are in conjunction in 12th H. She told me her parents have had a lot of struggles but remain happily together. There is an abundance of love.

Her mom once told her, her and her dad were literally made for one another. No matter what problems arises only the two of them will be able to help one another. No one else will be able to understand them.

Some astrologers say Venus is the wife and Jupiter is the husband so when conjunct in composite, it can be that saving grace placement.

Sun in First House

The relationship can be the main focus of your life. This can be good or bad. It’s not healthy to cut off your own personal life to cater to one person. But if you can maintain your own identities, this should be a good placement.

I’ve noticed when this is in composite the couple can become known for the relationship. Especially, if Sun is the 10th H ruler and/or if the 10th H has many planets.

Mars in First House

There can be a lot of energy in this relationship. Arguments are bound to happen in any relationship but for this one in particular there will be many. If you are two people who are good at resolving issues and kind of enjoy a more chaotic dynamic, this can work out well.

However, if you don’t like your peace disrupted and fights make you uneasy, this is not a good indicator for a relationship.

You may become known for being “that couple”. Good or bad. Depending on whether people find out about your fights.

Mercury in First House

You don’t fear judgement when together. You can talk about anything and everything. This is a good indicator. A couple that never runs out of things to talk about. It isn’t necessarily a romantic or sexual indicator. So if not supported by other placements in the chart, this can be a relationship where the spark dies out quickly. Better off as friends kind of relationship.

Uranus & Neptune in 4th H

This relationship has a rocky foundation. You may love the idea of what can be more than what is happening. Fantasizing about how you’ll become a better couple when in reality it’s not going so well.

This can be an on and off connection. Whether you are together and committed to one another is not always clear.

However, the positive manifestation is you both value freedom. You have mutual respect for one another. You may have a non traditional start to the connection. The two may constantly move around. You may have to leave home throughout your lives. Not necessarily negative it could be possibly due to work.

[ravens-two]

PAC: How will 2025 be like

This reading includes:

the general energy of 2025 for you

advice and an affirmation for the year ahead

The extended reading includes:

relationships in 2025

career in 2025

moodboard for 2025

Disclaimer: this is just for entertainment purposes, and as a pick-a-card reading it may not resonate for everyone.

Edit// because I somehow messed up and copied the wrong title for this pac 😭😭

TIPS | BOOK A READING WITH ME | PATREON | LINKTREE | SUGGEST A PAC TOPIC

Pile 1

Queen of Wands, Chariot, High Priestess

Tend (maintenance, encouragement, guidance), Unicorn, The Flame

"I drive fast, wind in my hair/ I push you to the limits 'cause I just don't care" - burning desire by lana del rey

Pile 1 your 2025 is certainly fiery. You're done being afraid, you're done always feeling like you can't actually achieve what you want, like you're not good enough. Those times are over, because you're entering 2025 with the intent of actually shaking things up. This year you're going after what you want and it doesn't even matter if you want multiple things because you're moving in multiple directions all at once. It seems like you've finally managed to find a way to keep yourself organized (be it keeping a journal or just using your time in better ways) and that's what allows you to go after so many different things. But, it's always important to remember not to sign up for too many things, pile 1. In the end you're only human and you can't do everything. Choose more intentionally.

With your song of the year being Burning Desire and with you having both the Queen of Wands and the High Priestess you're going to be irresistible this year, pile 1. I'm not sure if this is a glow up appearance wise - like you could be trying a new skincare routine that helps to clear your skin, you might lose or gain weight - or you might be changing up your style, dressing in a way that feels more authentic to who you are, or it could simply be your attitude, you carrying yourself with more confidence and sensuality. No matter what it is, you're definitely magnetic. Other people can't look away from you.

I also see you being filled with energy to dedicate yourself to many things and projects. This might not apply for everyone (at least in the same way) but I also see a lot of creative energy here. This year you might finally want to dedicate yourself to your artistic pursuits/hobbies whatever they may be (drawing, painting, dancing, writing, journaling, knitting, whatever it is). I also see you pursuing knowledge, if that makes sense, you want to try out new things and get more general knowledge - maybe you're reading the classics, watching documentaries, going to concerts.

Another thing that's really getting my attention about this year ahead for you is that you have no fear. Like, absolutely no fear at all. You're willingly to try anything once. I feel like in the past you've always held yourself back (if you have prominent Pluto or Saturn placements this might be even more relevant), and you're just sick and tired of it. You want to free yourself and so you're going into this year with the mentality of trying things, of being brave despite the anxiety and the fear. I'm really proud of you, pile 1.

Your rune for the year is Dagaz. Dagaz is the rune of sunrise and it represents new beginnings. This just continues the theme of empowering yourself and conquering your fears. Dagaz is very much a rune of hope. The night might have been long and dark, but the sun always rises and this year the sun is rising for you. New things, new situations, new people are coming into your life and by the end of the year you'll be a much different person than you were at the beginning of the year. I also see a lot of healing for you this year.

Your affirmation for 2025 is "I love and accept myself". Once again I feel like this ties super well to everything we've talked so far, especially the glowing up and confidence part. By loving and accepting yourself with all your flaws and shortcomings you're helping yourself to grow into a beautiful butterfly.

check out the extended reading on Patreon

Pile 2

Fool, Six of Swords, Six of Pentacles

Oak Tree (power, courage, strength), Bee, The Box

"Well, what we really need is a femininomenon" - femininomenon by chappell roan

Pile 2, you're in for a brand new beginning this year, it almost feels like a reinvention. A bit similar to pile 1, you're also tired of the things that were wearing you down last year (maybe even before that) and you're releasing yourself from them this year. You're letting go of the things that no longer serve you, which is commendable, because it takes so much strength. I see that for some of you this might be about walking away from a relationship(s), from a job or even from a place. With the Fool and the Six of Swords here you could very well be moving homes or even countries. Honestly, the energy for you pile 2 is as if you've always lived inside a box, following strict rules and being a "good girl" [gender neutral] but now you're absolutely done with that. You've decided that it's time to see what's outside the box. What does the world look like without the binds and the comfort of the box? Actually, now that I think about it this could also be very relevant for anyone that's moving out of their parents' house for the first time. It's an experience that's both exhilarating, freeing and terrifying.

No matter what, you're very decided to face things head on. You'll take care of the problems and unexpected complications as they come up. You know you're strong enough to solve these problems, to finally be free. You're going to be your very own femininomenon this year.

This is a huge year of growth for you pile 2, even more than pile 1. I really feel like a lot of people who pick this pile are young people becoming independent for the first time.

Your rune for the year is Tiwaz. Tiwaz is a rune of victory and sacrifice. It's almost saying that you know that things will be hard, you know you're going to have to work hard, sometimes you'll want to give up, but at the end of the day it's worth it because you come out victorious. Honestly, a part of this victory is recognizing how strong and capable you actually are.

Your affirmation for 2025 is "I am in harmony". So, what this tells me is that 2025 might be a bit chaotic for you with these many changes happening so you'll need to find moments of calm and harmony, find a safe ground to touch down when things seem like they might sweep you away. On the other hand, this also feels like you can finally breathe after you finally release yourself from all these problems and restrictions that were weighting down on you so heavily.

check out the extended reading on Patreon

Pile 3

Six of Wands, Ten of Swords, Nine of Swords

Broom (energy, clearing, freshening), Swan, The King

(an instrumental song) - verdes anos by carlos paredes

Pile 3, your energy is very interesting. You're the only pile that got an instrumental song for their song of the year which immediately gave me a vibe of peace and not letting the problems disturb you. By the way, if you've never heard this song I would definitely recommend it - it's by a Portuguese guitar player and the title means Green Years (as in still being green/young). You know, I think that this is a year of giving yourself grace and being gentle with yourself. Not everything will be perfect or go exactly as you dreamed it would, and that's perfectly fine, because in the end you will be okay. I do get this sense that you're already in this mentality and that's where the peace comes from. You have a belief that despite how wrong or how hard things are now it's just inevitable that everything will be fine.

The energy in your tarot cards is nothing if not interesting. There's a lot of anxiety and a sense of loss almost with the Ten and Nine of Swords, but on the other hand you also have victory and recognition with the Six of Wands. For some you this might be referring to some situation where you're taken advantage of, someone steals your work, or maybe it could even be about cheating or a betrayal for some of you. But! But, in the end this thing will work in your favor, maybe your boss notices that your coworker has been taking credit for your work, or maybe you finally recognize that a relationship or friendship wasn't as healthy as you wished it was.

2025 will be a year of clearing energies for you. As much as the Ten of Swords is a betrayal and deep pain, it can also be about the ending of a painful situation (even if that ending might be painful as well). I will also say that after this situation ends and the pain ends, some anxiety might set in because you're not used to being in a good place. You might constantly be looking over your shoulder trying to see where the next bad thing is coming from.

All in all, I think that this year you should focus on taking things slowly and patiently. Don't ever think that something is the end of the world, because there will be a solution for everything. As it is a year of clearing energies you might find yourself losing people or things, remember that no matter how unhealthy those situations might have been it's perfectly normal and healthy to grieve those losses.

Your rune for the year is Gebo. Gebo means gift and it's a rune that talks about exchanging gifts and favors with other people. The Norse people saw it as a way of creating stronger bonds with others, so this year you're being called to ask for help from loved ones. Believe me, this helps your relationships grow and get stronger.

Your affirmation for 2025 is "Everything I need comes to me at the perfect time." Once again you have this idea of solutions (no matter how unexpected) coming when you need them most. This might be a difficult year for you, pile 3, but believe that in the end you'll look back and see how much you've grown and much better your life has gotten.

check out the extended reading on Patreon

Pile 4

Tower, Eight of Swords, Wheel of Fortune

Sage (wisdom, purification, harmony), Golden Egg, The Nectar

"Are we brutal hearts that break the night in two?/'Cause I just want this night with you" - use me (brutal hearts) by diplo

Pile 4 you have a very interesting energy because I got a lot of information just from the photo that represents your pile alone. It seems that summertime will be either the most significant part of the year (like a turning point happening for example) or the happiest part of the year for you. In general, I see a shift in your life, it's like suddenly the world is slightly tilted instead of being straight just like the horizon line isn't straight in your photo.

But let's get into your tarot. The Tower definitely supports this idea of a turning point and a shift in your life. With the Eight of Swords here too, to me it almost feels like you think that things are going to happen in a specific way but then something very unexpected happens and now suddenly your life is completely different. The only "specific" example I'm getting is of someone thinking that they're going to start university studying a specific degree in a specific place, but suddenly the results come out and you didn't get in. Maybe you got in a different place or in a different degree that ends up changing the plans you had until now. No matter what it is in specific, the idea is that suddenly your life isn't going according to plan. For some of you this might either be a big relief or a big disappointment (it will, of course, depend on your circumstances). But more importantly, you should know that this will be for the better. There was something "rotten" in your trajectory and this is like course correction.

Aside from that, I also think that this will be a very important year of self-discovery and healing from past patterns for you. Unlike the figure in the eight of swords that's blindfolded and incapable of seeing, you'll be able to see yourself better. It's like you're more self-aware, both of your flaws and your strengths. Be careful though not to pay too much attention to all your faults and shortcomings because that isn't healthy either and it will definitely hurt you in the long run. As always, moderation is the answer.

No matter what this is a very important year for you because there are a lot of things happening for you - maybe a lot of firsts.

Your rune of the year is Laguz. Laguz is a lake and in general is a rune connected to water. To me this is very funny because the sea is very prominent on the photo for your pile. Laguz though is a card that talks about healing and deep reflection - two things we already touched upon so it confirms their importance this year. But I like this healing side of Laguz for you because it shows that you're recovering from the things and the ailments that have been bothering you (for some of you these might even be physical). Laguz has a rune of water also represents going with the flow, being very fluid and flexible - these are probably very important qualities that you'll be called to embody this year.

Your affirmation for 2025 is "I am willing to change". Pile 4 this is almost funny how in sync your whole reading is (at least up until now). This is confirmation again that there are a lot of changes coming for you this year, but it's also a reminder to remain flexible. Don't get too attached to any outcome, things will work out as they should and you will be fine.

check out the extended reading on Patreon

[suuuupernovaaa]

The Book Seller - Azriel x f!OC (Part 3/3)

Summary: Azriel’s mate decides whether she wants to accept the mating bond, or if it’s all too much.

Content Warning: Adult, 18+, mentions of death and trauma, sexual content

Part 1, Part 2

The next day, Azriel came and fixed the door to my apartment. While he was there, he noticed a few cabinets askew, and fixed those as well.

Afterwards, we made our way down to sit outside the storefront and enjoy lunch by the river, and he noticed a wiggling floorboard, and a crooked bookshelf.

He fixed those, as well.

My heart swelled to watch him pouring energy into the small bookshop that had been my life for so long. It felt quite right, to see him wipe sweat from his brow as he aligned the book shelf just so, and the satisfied smile that crossed his face was enough to make my heart stop when he turned to me.

I laid awake all the previous night, thinking of the bits of information he’d shared with me. His childhood and the pain he’d endured. The way he found his brothers, Cassian and Rhysand. All the wars and trials they’d been through since then. The killing and the torture. The way the peaceful times we were living in now felt like a dream to him.

It had been hard to part ways with just a chaste kiss to his cheek, but I wasn’t sure how fast or slow we were going to move. Some mates took their time, and some took no time at all. I knew at least that he’d be back the next day, to fix the door and so much more.

I set a tray of food in front of us as we sat down to enjoy one of the last warm days we’d see for a while. The food was ordered from a cafe around the corner, as I knew the significance of preparing a meal for the man before me. Preparing and offering a meal was a sign of accepting the bond.

“Thank you for fixing all of that. My brother, I’ve asked him so many times, but he has a little one at home and not much time to help.”

He took a bite of his sandwich and nodded. “You can ask me now,” he said, and a fist squeezed around my heart.

“It’s a little funny that…” I trailed off, unsure how to finish the sentence.

“Go on,” he said, setting his food down.

“We don’t really know each other, do we? We met last night but it feels, almost, like I could rely on you. If I decided to.”

The corners of his lips turned up in a small smile, and that was his only response.

—

Azriel stopped by every day over the next week. Sometimes when the store was open, just to quickly say hi, and twice after to take a walk along the chilly river and talk, hands or arms clasped together. His company was becoming easy, comforting, and I was growing accustomed to him so quickly.

I wondered, was it because we were mates, or would we have found ourselves drawn to each other otherwise?

Despite the ease and excitement, something loomed over me. Azriel was not a normal fae, not a carpenter or a tradesman, not someone I met down the street or at a bar. He was the Shadowsinger, at the hand of our High Lord, and there were parts of his life I was not sure I would ever be privy to. Would that be a true partnership, if part of himself was kept hidden away?

If our era of peace ended, he’d have to put himself in danger. What did being a Shadowsinger truly entail? Would his duties take him away from time to time?We never talked about it, because I didn’t ask.

I was too afraid to. What if he told me he couldn’t share that? What if he told me something I didn’t want to hear? What if he thought it was too soon for me to ask?

When he stopped in the following Saturday, early in the morning with a tea in hand for me, my father was in the shop.

My family joined for dinner together every Wednesday night at my parents house, and my eldest sister had been quick to announce I’d met my mate this past family dinner.

Though they had all insisted on meeting him, I’d not yet broached the topic with Azriel. My family was loud, boisterous, always in each other’s business, and fiercely loving but sometimes overwhelming. Azriel was quiet, and I was nervous that he wouldn’t appreciate them.

My father, a tall man but still a dwarf compared to the Shadowsinger, did not balk when Azriel entered and strode to my desk, handing me the tea.

“Good morning. I came to tell you -“

“Is this him?” father interrupted, and I chided him with a tisk.

“Father!” I hissed, and Azriel straightened. It occurred to me then that truly, Azriel was older than my parents, but fatherhood had made my father mature in a way that only being a parent can, and he looked at Azriel through those eyes.

The tension grew in the air quickly as the two men stared at each other until my father, who had never been described as intimidating a day in his life, grabbed Azriel’s hand in his and shook it violently up and down.

“Great to meet you, son,” my father said to Azriel, the High Lord’s Shadowsinger, his elder by 100 years, as if he was any other man on the street.

To his credit, Azriel returned the shake with enthusiasm, and tipped his head as a sign of respect. “You as well, sir,” he replied.

Father waved his hand to dismiss the title. “No formalities in family. Will you join us for dinner this week?”

Azriel looked to me, and I tried to communicate my apologies with my expression.

He cleared his throat. “Actually, I came to tell you, Holly, I leave tonight and will be gone about a week.”

I gripped my tea in my hands as my father wisely made some mumbled excuse to leave us alone at my desk. I stood from my chair and came around to meet Azriel, perching on the edge of my desk.

“Oh. Um, work?”

He nodded.

“I wanted to ask… how much I might be allowed to know. In the future.”

His face grew dark and serious. “I would tell you anything you want to know, though some of it you may not want to hear. It is not always pleasant, extracting secrets.”

I nodded gravely. “Oh. Right.”

“Which brings me to another point… being my mate, it could land you in trouble. One day. Soon or in the distant future. I’d feel better if you could defend yourself.”

“Fight?” I asked, glancing around at the book store to make sure no one was listening.

“I’ll do everything in my power to make sure you never have to, but I would feel more at ease if I knew you could defend yourself. If need be.”

I wrapped my arms around myself. This was exactly what I’d been afraid of - the danger that came with the man in front of me. It only took a week to bubble to the surface.

“Cassian and Nesta have offered to train you.”

“Why not you?”

A small smile crossed his lips. “Just this week, while I’m gone. I’ll join once I return. I thought you’d be more comfortable, with Nesta there.”

Nervous, I reached out and grabbed his hand. He held mine fiercely.

“Will you be safe? Are you going somewhere dangerous?”

He shook his head, stepping closer to me. “No, no one will even know I’m there,” he replied quietly, and pressed his forehead to mind. I closed my eyes, breathing in his scent.

“Do you promise?” I whispered.

To my shock, Azriel’s lips found mine then. For the first time. Soft, warm, and all enveloping, I pressed my body flush to his and opened my mouth to allow him entry, a soft sigh escaping.

I had been waiting, every moment since we’d met, for him to kiss me. Stealing glances at his lips, kissing his cheek with every departure, it wasn’t enough.

He snaked his arms around my waist, and I held his beautifully sculpted face in my hands as his tongue explored.

Every single part of me was on fire in a way I had never imagined possible. I could feel sparks shooting from my toes and the ends of my hair. Azriel groaned quietly as he pressed me tighter to him, and I wrapped my arms around his neck to hold him in place.

He tasted like mint tea and I wove my hands through his silky, dark hair, desperate for more.

Too fast, too suddenly, Azriel pulled away and smiled down at me. Only a moment later, I heard my father approaching.

He must have heard him first.

I removed my hands from his hair and smoothed it, removing any traces that I had been there, as we continued to smile at each other.

“Cassian will fetch you at 6am tomorrow, and have you back in time to open at 10,” he said, and my face fell.

“Azriel, 6am? You cannot be serious.”

He was laughing as he walked out the door.

—

The next week was grueling. Every morning, I met Cassian outside at 6am so he could prove to me how weak I truly was. I had no strength, no skill, no balance.

Nesta assured me she had been the same before Cassian had forced her to train, but it was hard to believe, watching her move with such grace and strength now.

Not only was the training draining me, but I missed Azriel. It felt strange to admit it. Two weeks ago, I had only known him by reputation. Now, a day without him was painful.

Near the end of the week, I’d asked the girls to run the shop for me for the day so I could rest, and Nesta invited me to join her for breakfast after training, just the two of us.

Sweaty and tired, I slumped at the table and asked the house for some water and tea. It appeared magically, delighting me as it had every time this past week.

“Can I ask you something a little personal?” I asked once I’d drank the entire glass of water, and Nesta nodded warily.

Though I did consider us friends, Nesta was still guarded, and I wanted to tread carefully.

“Is it hard, to be Cassian’s mate?”

She surprised me by laughing. “In what sense? He is very annoying.”

“I mean, him being who he is. The position he holds.”

“Ah,” she said, nodding. “I don’t know if I can say. I was human before, and all I’ve known of being fae is these people, this life,” she gestured to the grand home around us, and I understood.

Her ushering into this life had been straight into grandeur. She had not lived life as a normal high fae, only royalty.

“I asked you to come here last week because I wanted you to meet Azriel. Something felt right, when I thought of you two together. I can’t explain it. I almost knew. Once the idea occurred to me, of you two together, I couldn’t shake it. It nagged at me until I brought you here.”

Though I had suspected, she hadn’t confirmed it before.

I pursed my lips and looked down at the full plated breakfast before me.

“He seems worth it, to me. Worth whatever… trouble, it could bring. To be his,” I said finally, picking up my fork. “I don’t know if I’m worthy of him.”

Nesta reached over and grabbed my arm. “You are. I would not trouble with you, if you weren’t.” She spoke plainly, stating a fact with no emotion behind it, and nodded in return.

—

I returned home early in the afternoon, greeted my employees, and headed up for a long bath and possibly a nap.

After soaking for a very long time to remove all the sweat and grime, I dressed in a simple tan dress, and pulled a book from my night stand. The bath had rejuvenated me enough to no longer need to sleep, so I sat next to the window to read.

Only ten minutes later, I closed the book, unable to focus on the words on the page. They danced around, always spelling Azriel in my mind.

A scary but not entirely unwelcome thought greeted me then: I was in love with the shadowsinger. With his soft smiles and tight expressions. His attention to detail and need to care and fix. His past and present and hopefully, his future.

I wasn’t just falling in love with him because the living bond between us brought us together, but for who he was. I would have loved him without this bond. Would have been struck by his beauty and grace. The quiet assuredness with which he moved through the world.

As I got lost deeper and deeper into my own thoughts, a knock came at the door. Probably Aurelia or Jessiminda, needing something for the store. I placed my book on the shelf before crossing my small apartment to pull open the door.

Neither girl stood there, but instead, Azriel barreled in, sweeping me into his arms in a warm embrace that I eagerly returned.

“You’re back!” I exclaimed, breathing him in. How fully I missed him really hit me then, as I held him safely in my arms. It was as if something had been wrong the last week, something missing from me, a part of my soul, and here it was, returned.

“I came back as soon as I could,” he said, his face in my hair. The unspoken part of that sentence seemed to be, to get back to you.

“How was training?” he asked as he pulled away, just a few inches to look at me, and I could not stop myself from rolling my eyes.

“I’m sore everywhere. I could not kick anyone’s ass.”

He laughed, a low chuckle. “Give it time.”

“I have been thinking… Jessaminda wants more hours, and the store is doing well. I could have her open every morning for me, so I only work afternoons.”

His smile grew. “You don’t want to train at six am.”

“Of course not. But also, it would mean more time for me.”

For us.

Through the bond, I felt a ripple of joy. Only once or twice before had I felt what I thought were Azriel’s emotions - we wouldn’t truly be able to feel each other until I accepted the bond, and we hadn’t discussed that yet.

“Good idea,” was his full reply, and I beamed at him.

“Are you hungry? I could make a stew.”

He raised his eyebrow. “Are you offering to cook for me? Now?”

I sauntered away from him into the kitchen, gathering the supplies I needed and lighting the stove.

“Sit, and tell me about your trip,” I instructed as I began chopping. He sat at my small dining table, looking as nervous as he was capable of after centuries of skillfully hiding his emotions, and told me of his trip. Simple fact finding and information gathering in the autumn court, where he’d also met up with some old friends. I asked questions, and he readily answered, giving me any information I wanted to know, which brought comfort to my heart.

When the stew was done, I filled two bowls, and turned to him.

“Before I give this to you, I want you to know… I think you’re the most incredible man I’ve ever met. If you weren’t my mate, I would still find you as handsome, as impressive, as captivating, as awe-inspiring as I do now. I don’t care that we’ve only just met or there’s so much we have to learn about each other. I’m greatly looking forward to that.”

I sat down across from him, and wondered if my family would be upset that we’d done this in private. Many fae made a ceremony of this moment, but I couldn’t imagine that was something Azriel would want, and I didn’t really either.

There was a look in his eyes that I thought might be wonder, or awe, I set the bowl and spoon down in front of Azriel, and waited.

He lifted the spoon and stared at me with such intensity that it made my stomach churn with nerves.

“I have waited 500 years for you. Had I known what I was waiting for, I would have agreed to wait 500 more.” His voice trembled with emotion, and tears pricked at the corners of my eyes.

We were silent as he took his first bite, and finished the bowl in mere minutes. I hadn’t even touched mine, I realized, and took my first bite as he took his last.

We stared at each other then, the air charged, and I felt it. The bond strengthening, solidifying between us, and I closed my eyes and listened.

I could feel him so clearly. His pain, his joy, and drowning everything else out, how badly Azriel wanted me in that moment. How desperate he was to touch me, and the thread he was using to hold himself back until he got a signal from me.

When I opened my dark eyes, his golden eyes bore into mine, passion sparking behind them.

“Yes,” was all I said, and all he needed, to sweep the table aside and pull me into his sturdy, waiting arms.

His mouth found mine eagerly, and his hands roamed my body. I found myself beyond glad I’d had time to bathe before he arrived.

He lifted me up by the shelf of my rear, and I wrapped my legs around his waist. He walked the few steps over to my bed and without breaking the kiss, lay me on my soft green bedding, kneeling between my spread legs.

“Azriel,” I moaned, and I felt how badly he wanted me as he pressed himself into me. I arched my back, searching for more friction.

He reached down, pulling at the hem of my dress slowly, pushing it up over my thighs, his fingers trailing over my stomach, and I sat up so he could pull it over my head.

I made quick work of the buttons of his shirt, revealing his broad golden chest and firm abs.

“Gods,” I hissed as he tossed the shirt across the room. This sculpted angel before me was enough to send me into a spiral. He pushed me back onto the bed, and looked down at me as something to devour.

“I need to taste you,” he said, his voice all breath and gravel, and I nodded eagerly.

He started at my neck with lazy, languid kisses, running his warm tongue over my skin, and then down. Over my chest, he stopped to take my nipple into his mouth, biting and sucking gently. I arched my back, pressing myself into his mouth, and we groaned together.

Down, further down he went, trailing his tongue over my naval until he reached the apex of my thighs, and did not waste any time teasing me.

He pulled my sensitive bud between his lips and sucked. I was so swollen, so sensitive, and so desperate for him. I moaned his name and put my hands into his hair, guiding him as he truly devoured me. He slowed and sped, and stuck his tongue deep inside me, causing another loud moan to escape my chest.

“Good girl,” he murmured, and I nearly came at the sound of it.

“I need you,” I replied.

“Need me where, baby?”

“Inside me. Please. Now,” I panted.

He stood up slowly, torturing me, and removed the buckle from his pants, and slid them down over taught, muscular thighs.

The bulge in his underwear was obscenely large, and I wondered how on earth it was going to fit. He removed his underwear and sprang free, and my mouth watered.

He was on top of me once more, his fingers dragging through my wet folds, circling my clit, as I moaned into his mouth.

I spread my legs as wide as they would go, and reached down to grip his considerable length, and place it at my entrance.

“Please,” I breathed, and my mate’s eyes met mine. I felt him, his love and his admiration and his lust, surging through the bond. “Azriel.”

“Holly,” he whispered, reverently, worshipping my name as he worshipped my body, and slid slowly inside me.

“Gods!” I exclaimed, and dug my nails into his back.

He groaned, stopping to allow me to adjust to his size. “Good girl. You can take it all. Be a good girl for me,” he whispered in my ear.

When he was finally fully seated in me, to the hilt, he stilled again. I felt impossibly full but gods, so good, and I wiggled, encouraging him to move.

He chuckled and placed a rough kiss on my mouth before beginning to move. Slowly, carefully at first.

“More. I won’t break.”

He moaned again then, a sweet sound in my ears, and picked up the pace, sliding in and out of me faster and faster until he reached a punishing pace, and I was making noises in his ear I’d never made before.

“Come for me, mate,” he demanded in my ear, and I came apart around him with a blinding scream, clamping my legs around his waist and scratching my nails down his bag.

He groaned a moment later, finding his release, and collapsed on top of me.

I was thoroughly devoured.

—

We stayed in my apartment for four days together, learning and exploring each other, and I had never felt so blissfully happy.

Or so sore.

The frenzy. I’d heard of it before. It was a dangerous time for newly fated males, but Azriel and I stayed locked up together for the worst of it.

When we were not actively learning each other, we talked, or ate, or slept, or read together. I thought life like this forever might be okay, but of course, it couldn’t last.

On the fifth day, Azriel recommended we might emerge and let our friends and family know we had affirmed the bond, as if they didn’t know. I had sent word to my employees to run the store without me, to my family that I’d miss dinner, and I knew he’d sent word to his family too.

I had not known they’d planned a party, or else I would have insisted we stay locked away for much longer.

As we left through my apartment window, I already wished we were back inside, Azriel inside me and all around me, where nothing and no one else existed.

Sadly, we had responsibilities outside, and decisions to make.

Like where we would live. The thought of Azriel residing with me in my small apartment was cozy, but laughable. He spent most of his time at the House of Wind, but also had a room in the High Lord’s newest home, and his townhome central to the city.

I had suggested it might be nice to have a place all our own. Near the water, and my store, somewhere just for us.

Azriel had liked the idea so well, he’d taken me against the window as we looked out at the city, planning.

We arrived at the House of Wind as the sun was setting, entering through a door in the courtyard that I’d not yet seen. Azriel led me to his room, dark and quiet and without decoration, and I wondered what our new home would look like.

He opened his closet and from within, drew out a golden gown, the color of his eyes. It was beautiful, floor length with a plunging neck line, long adorned sleeves, and intricate bead work throughout.

“For you,” he said, bringing it over to me. “From Feyre.”

I reached out to touch the most lovely dress I’d ever seen. “I can’t accept this.”

He shrugged. “You can,” he replied simply. Money had not yet crossed my mind - what kind of salary did a Shadowsinger draw? Surely more than a book peddler.

I turned and allowed him to remove my dress, and once I stood nearly naked before him, I leaned over the black dresser in front of me, bearing myself to him as I stepped out of my shoes.

His breath hissed between his teeth, and I smiled. I turned and placed my hands on his shoulders, stepping into the dress. He drug it up my body, and stepped around me to zip it up. It fit perfectly, making curves where I’d thought I had none. I turned to look in the mirror, pushing my hair from my face, and decided on a simple, long braid, so as not to distract from the dress.

When I finished, Azriel grabbed my hand. “I also have this for you,” he said, holding out a ring. A thin gold band adorned with one shining purple jewel. Simple, and lovely, and I wordlessly spread my fingers so he could slide it on.

Two weeks ago, I was alone. I was lonely. Time is a funny thing.

—

I expected at most, a handful of people when we entered the dining room, but as we grew closer, the chatter of a crowd was hard to miss.

I gasped when we entered. The hall was decorated beautifully, in purple and gold everywhere, flowers and tapestries and other finery as far as the eye could see.

Everyone in my family was there. My parents, all three siblings and their spouses, and their children as well, five in total.

All mixed in with Azriel’s family, Rhysand and Feyre, Cassian and Nesta, Amren and Mor standing with a beautiful woman who had to be Feyre’s third sister, hanging on the arm of a stunning man with red hair.

“Oh gods!” I shouted.

“Surprise!” Cassian hollered, igniting a laugh through the small crowd.

“Aunt Holly!” my youngest nephew ran to me as I entered and continued taking in the scene, and I bent down to scoop him into my arms. Nearing five, I would soon be unable to pick him up and throw him around, and I relished in holding him when I could.

I turned to Azriel, who smiled at me with mischief in his eyes. “Did you know?”

He shrugged, confirming it. “It was Feyre’s idea.”

Well, my mate was nothing if not clever. He knew I could not be mad if it was my High Lady’s idea. She approached then, arms open to wrap me and my nephew wiggling in my arms in a tight hug.

“I don’t know how you feel about surprises, but it didn’t feel right not to celebrate a new family member.”

I tried hard, but couldn’t resist a small bow. “Thank you, My Lady.”

She tisked. “Enough of that today. Just Feyre.”

Aiken jumped from my arms and ran back to my family, and we spent the rest of the night laughing and drinking as our two families blended. The atmosphere in the room was light, joyful, and calm.

I knew it would not always be this way. There would be very hard times ahead, and times of even greater joy and celebration.

Azriel and I were just getting started. It was all so new and fresh, but I was so sure of it too. So sure of him. The mating bond flowed between us, steady and strong, and we felt when the other was ready to end the night. I saw my family off before Rhysand and Mor helped them all home, promising we’d be at every Wednesday dinner we could, and we bid Feyre and her sisters farewell.

We returned to Azriel’s room quietly, hands clasped together, and I wondered if someone could be too happy.

If it was dangerous, to be too content, so quickly. To have so much change come into your life and to be so incandescently happy with it.

Was I asking for something terrible? Was I inviting in chaos and danger, simply by being overjoyed?

If so, I would not have changed a thing. Would not have chosen another mate, another family, another life for all the coin on the continent.

Azriel wrapped me in his arms as we fell asleep a while later, and I listened to his heartbeat in his chest, counting them.

Thu-thump. Thu-thump. Thu-thump.

A beautiful sound. The sound of my mate, alive and well.

“What are you thinking of?” he asked, sensing my overwhelming emotions down the bond.

“That I love you,” I replied quietly, eyes still closed, heart beating wildly.

I heard his speed up, too.

A confusing mix of emotions came through the bond. Pain, longing, fear, lust, but there under all of that, there was love.

“I don’t deserve you. You are good and pure. You are kind. Faultless.” His gravely voice was strained, and I propped myself up to see his golden eyes shining.

“You deserve every happiness in the world, and I will see to it that you have them, my mate.”

He leaned up, pressing a chaste kiss to my lips.

“I love you, too,” he said, and shouted it down the bond as well.

We fell asleep intertwined in his dark sheets, only love enveloping us.

The book seller and the shadowsinger.

@rcarbo1

[if-whats-new]

What's New In IF? Halloween edition! Issue 27 (2024)

By Brij, Dion, Bex and Jen

Now Available!

Itch.io - Keep Reading below

If you read the zine, consider liking the post: it helps us see how many people see it! And sharing is caring! <3

~ EDITORIAL ~

One Issue just wasn’t enough!

Halloween might be over, but not at WNIF! So here it is, u a second Halloween edition Issue! Next to the regular WNIF stuff we included a recommendation section full of the best games to play in this time of the year, so be sure to check it out.

We want some feedback!

As we’re starting to get a hand of things, we would love some feedback from you guys! What you enjoy, want more or less off, how we could improve... Anything goes! We even have a nifty form!

Still looking for members!

Due to the severe changes in the Zine team, we are once again looking for free hands with a couple of hours to kill, and minds, looking to make a little difference in the community!

If you too would like to help us out in a more official capacity, please shoot us a message! You can check out the available positions here, but if you’d like to help in any other way, feel free to contact us as well! (We added a new position, so check it out!)

No Small Talk for some time!

We hope you have have a fa-boo-lous time reading this issue!

BRIJ, DION, BEX AND JEN

~ BE A PART OF THE ZINE ~

THIS ZINE ONLY HAPPENS WITH YOU!

Want to write 1-2 pages about a neat topic, or deep-dive into a game and review it in details? Share personal experiences or get all academic?

WRITE FOR THE COLUMN!

Prefer to be more low-key but still have something to share? Send us a Zine Letter or share a game title for Highlight on…!

WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU!

Came across something interesting? Know a release or an update announced? Saw an event happening? Whether it's a game, an article, a podcast… Add any IF-related content to our mini-database!

EVERY LITTLE BIT COUNTS!

Contact us through Tumblr asks, Forum DMs, or even by email! And thank you for your help!!

~ EVENT SPOTLIGHT : BITSY JAM ~

Fuu, already #85?

Bitsy is a little engine for little games, worlds, and stories created by Adam Le Doux that makes game making look easier than ever! I mean really! You can use it to make a game in your browser just by drawing it! Thanks to the simple pixelated graphics and limited colour palette you can make basically anything from simple short stories to complicated masterpieces.

The first jam (with a yummy theme: Breakfast) took place on April 8th 2017. Now it’s a monthly occurrence, each time with a new challenging theme that the creators themselves (or even possibly you) get to vote on.

Petrichor, temporary, intentionally bad, tomatoes, no dialogue, long distances, secret place, bitsy fest jam, lost media and waiting are just the ten most recent ones. This month’s theme is game manual - the theme can be the core of the game, or just a small reference. Anything really. The main point of this jam is to have fun and make something! (Just make sure that your game is made in one of these: bitsy, mosi or bipsi.)

So why not give it a shot?

~ ENDED ~

The 6th Spooktober Annual Visual Novel Jam is over, the winners have been announced and you can check out the results!

The Revival Jam 2024 is also over and the results are out!

Strip IF to it’s bare bones and all it become beautiful text. That’s what The Bare-Bones Jam is about. You can now check out all 14 submissions!

Phantasia Jam is a three month-long game jam to create a fantasy narrative game, with the theme of “Hidden Magic”. There’s 17 submissions to check out.

~ ONGOING (VOTING) ~

The voting for ECTOCOMP 2024 has officially started! To vote and participate as a jury, you must do so by giving between 1 to 5 stars on each entry page of the jam. The voting period ends on November 30.

All entries for the Halloween Jam have been submitted and you can now vote for your favourites!

~ ONGOING (SUBMITTING) ~

Disabled Rep VN Jam has a very simple premise but a very important message.

Once upon a time, a game jam was held to create stories around the theme of fairy tales… and that game jam is the Once Upon A Time VN Jam. It’s running from October 1st to January 31st.

Concours de Fiction Interactive Francophone 2025 is for all French-speaking enthusiasts. Submissions are accepted until March 3rd 2025.

Are you perhaps a fan of more somber, melancholic themes? Then check out the Dying Year - Visual Novel Jam! You have until the end of the year to participate.

The Black Visual Novel Jam is all about working with creative professional developers who work in visual novels to bring more Black stories to life. The goal is to create a space where Black creators can show their unique storytelling through visual novels.

Bare your teeth and sharpen your claws because the Monstrous Desires 2024 Visual Novel Jam is here! Dedicated to the love of entities, horrors, and monstrosities, this jam will be full of romantic Visual Novels (VN) that heavily focus on a monster may it be original or from classics, folklore, modern media, etc.

The October Bitsy Jam is here! The theme is game manual and you have until November 11th to submit your projects.

~ OTHER ~

Jams are a great way to find new games! Don’t be afraid to check out submissions from previous years as well. There might be some gems hiding between them!

~ NEW RELEASE ~

Trick-or-Treat (Twine) is all about virtual trick-or-treating, grab your costume and have fun! @softest-punk

The Traded Groom (Unity) is a romance story where you marry a man you’ve never met. @maneki-mushi

Lydia’s Labyrinth (Ren’Py) is a choose your own adventure where you try to get to the end of the labyrinth. @doublefreegames

The end of an obsession is a fictional sequel work to It gets so lonely here.

The Virus Game HALLOWEEN is here.

In Ghostship Delgado (Amstrad CPC) you find yourself on the quarter deck of a mysterious, seemingly abandoned historic ship…

As always, don't forget to check out the submitted entries to the events mentioned in the previous pages. They deserve some love too!

~ NEW RELEASE (WIP) ~

Camp Maple Wind (Ren’Py), you saw your sister die there 18 years ago and now you decided to return as the new camp counselor. @tailorfae

Dusk and Dawn (CScript) is a urban fantasy inspired by CYOA’s like Slayers V4. You’ve failed college, what do you do now? @tuskhansworld

Circus Eyes of God (Twine) is a horror interactive fiction where you decide to join a mysterious circus. @circuseyesofgod-if

In Tether (Twine) your an interpreter for a new lord under the occupation of another country. Will you rebel? @runcriedthecrawlingif

Return back to your hometown where you and your friends used to be team of detectives until the incident.... in Return to Misty Cove (CScript) @fluorescent-if

In Red River Academy (CScript) you and your group of friends are murdered in cold blood. But you were brought back, is this a second chance at life? @bratlinwrites

You step out for some fresh air, only to find yourself lost and stranded in the forest overnight in Fickle Solitude (Twine)

In Ice Cream For Love you are a bearfolk ice cream maker. However the newest dietitian-in-training has problems with your product. @atelierursine

In Demon Daycare (Ren’Py) you’ll have to baby the adult demon prince Belphegor. Hope the money is good!

~ UPDATES ~

Devil's Liminal (Ren’Py) released Chapter 2.

Crown of Exile (Twine) Vinia Path is released on Patreon. @ramonag-if

Tales of Wocdes: The Silver Protector (Twine) heritage features have been updated. @tales-of-wocdes

College Tennis: Origin Story (CScript) added halloween bonus to Ko-Fi. @collegetennisoriginstory

Sins of the Crown (CScript) added new content to their demo. @pariahinteractive

The King's Hound (Twine) released a rewritten demo. @the-kingshound

The Mighty Shifter (CScript) released Chapters 4 & 5. @miss-briar-novels

Lucid fate (Twine) released Chapters 3 & 4.5. @lucid-fate-if

Eldritch Tales: Inheritance (CScript) released the final part of Chapter 2.

Saturnine (CScript) added new content to their demo. @satur9-if

Shattered: Oblivion (CScript) reworked their prologue.

Strings of Fate (CScript) released partial Chapter 3.

Text Your Life (Ren’Py) added Chapter 2 Day 1 to their demo.

The Good People (Na Doine Maithe) (Ren’Py) released the first five chapters of Shae and Maeve's routes. @moiraimyths

Tri City Monsters (Ren’Py) released Chapter 3 for Akello. @tricitymonsters

Bridge Ices Before Road (CScript) added new content to their Prologue. @bridgeicesbeforeroadif

Aphni's Quartet: Nightbloom's Veil (Twine) released Chapter 2. @marblesstorystudio

The Brightest Stars (CScript) added the first part of Chapter 3 to their demo. @brightest-stars-if

Weeping Gods (CScript) added new content to their demo. @jcollinswrites

~ OTHER ~

The Kickstarter for Keyframes has started, and even though the main goal has been reached there are still some stretch goals! @blankhouse

The ChoiceBeat Zine Issue 12 is out. We thank them for mentioning our Zine! Go check it out!

Amare Fortnightly Bulletin Issue 27 is here for all your romance needs! @amaregames

Never Gives up Her Dead has released a deluxe version of their game.

The People's House has been officially submitted for publication.

~

As always, we apologize in advance for missing any update or release from the past week. We are only volunteers using their limited free time to find as much as we can - but sometimes things pass through the cracks.

If you think something should have been included in this week's zine but did not appear, please shoot us a message! We'll do our best to add it next week! And if you know oncoming news, add it here!

~ MAYBE YOU NEXT? ~

We did not get a submission this week. But if you have an idea for a short essay, or would like a special space to share your thoughts about IF and the community...

Shoot us an email!

~ HIGHLIGHT ON ~

A couple of games that we thought were cool.

Your favourite game here?

Do you have a favourite game that deserves some highlighting?

An old or recent game that wowed you so much you spam it to everyone?

Tell us about it! And it might appear here!

H/T = Horror/Thriller H = Halloween themes S = Supernatural C = Creepy

~ RECOMMENDATIONS (COMPLETE) ~

Halloween Scrooge (H) by Vanade of Hamilton Hour (Ren’Py)

A short Halloween spin on A Christmas Carol... and you can flirt with the ghosts! //submitted by anon//

Killer Chat (H/T) by @rosesrotofficial (???)

After asking too many murder-related questions online (for your book), you get an invite to a... serial killer chatroom?! What the fuck?

A Zombie Head Went Missing at the Party Full of CUTE MONSTER GIRLS!? (S) by MaroonDrops (???)

Half gorgon Jade Mason finds herself dragged to a party full of monsters, she doesn't have high hopes.

Therapy with Dr. Albert Krueger (H/T) by dino999z (Ren'Py)

Has work been feeling more tiring than usual?

Your mood, confusing and uneasy?

Then it sounds like you need our newly patented ★DREAM THERAPY★!

A Series of Interactive Stories Where No Matter What You Do You Are Immediately Killed by a Werewolf (S) by Luke Burns (Twine)

The name just says it all.

AL - A Choose Your Own Adventure (H/T) by Gabriel Cornish (Twine)

You are a student going on their first date in a long, long time. Only problem is your apartment is trying to kill you with your own clutter!

Spooble: A Search Engine Story (H/T) by All the bees (Unity)

Are babies supposed to do that?

Cal's Costume Conundrum!! (H) by amarvelous (Ren’Py)

Which costume is the best? Cal needs to know! Infiltrate her siblings’ Halloween party, interview the guests, and crown a winner!

Restore, Reflect, Retry (H/T) by Natalia Theodoridou (CScript)

This is a haunted game about a haunted game. You've played this game before. You may not remember, but the game does.

Model Employee (H/T ) by Nth Circle (Unity)

If you want to get ahead in your career, you gotta be willing to take some risks.

Contrition (H/T) by akfedeau (Twine)

As a priest, it’s your job to listen to your parishioners’ darkest secrets and absolve their guilt. But when a sinister stranger comes to the confessional one Halloween night, you realize it’s your soul on the line.

Quoth the Raven… (C) by gamedevillibrarian (???)

Edgar Allen Poe's 'The Raven', with some spooky ambiance. What else do you need?

Hallowmoor (H) by Mike Snyder (Twine)

Your quest: infiltrate Castle Hallowmoor, find the potion, and make it out alive.

Keeper’s Curse (H/T) by CParadis777 (Godot)

Stranded on a remote island after your Lightkeeper duty has ended you must ration and scavenge for supplies while awaiting your delayed relief crew.

Dicentra (H/T) by caffeine (Ren’Py)

You play as Basil, a young boy lost in a forest of watchful trees and unfriendly guides.

Tales from Castle Balderstone by Ryan Veeder (Inform7)

This is Castle Balderstone, and tonight is the night when the greatest spook-crafters convene to share their hair-raising handiwork with each other.

Muertos by Medley Games (Twine)

You are a lost undead wandering the Aztec afterlife, only to come across a strange city.

Dawn of the Damned (H/T) by Melancholy Marionette (Unity)

Anxious to attend your job interview at Aurora Antiques, you arrive to discover a room full of melancholy mannequins. One, in particular, captures your interest, drawing you closer.

Seance (S) by Alex Rose (???)

A murder case has gone cold, and the NRPD has asked you to help them solve it, on account of your abilities as a psychic medium.

~ RECOMMENDATIONS (WIP) ~

Samsara (H/T + S) by Amelia (???)

After being killed by the same hands in every past life you decide to take your killer's life instead. //submitted by anon//

Parasitical (H/T) by @parasitical-if (CScript)

You grew up under the masked faces of their Exalted, under the stories of Earth past. Rusted metal and cracked plastic; His bone and His flesh. Conflicting worlds, conflicting times, and soon, it might all come to a head.

Seven days in Purgatory (H/T) by @sevendaysinpurgatory-if (CScript)

Seven days in Purgatory is a psychological thriller ripe with philosophical musings and sensuality.

Taste, hear, think, feel, love… Run. //recommended by Dion [team]//

Did we miss your favourite game? Don’t worry, there’s still a chance! Fill out this form and we will include it in our regular Highlight on.... section!

WE LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU ALL! WHETHER IT'S GOOD OR BAD, OR EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN...

Thank you for keep updating! I really don't want to miss any IF updates but it's hard to find everything. So thank you for all the effort.

@waywardartisanoafhound-blog

Have something to say? Send us a message titled: Zine Letter!

As we end this issue, we would like to thank:

our awesome anons! For sending us their game recommendations!

And a special thanks to Bex [team] for all the work she’s done for the zine.

And as always, huge thanks to all you readers who liked, shared, and commented on last week's issue! What might be tiny actions are huge support and motivators to us!

Thank you for cheering us on this journey!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

It come with sad news that me (Bex) is having to leave the Zine….for now at least.

I joined back in August and honestly it was crazy time, especially with the sad passing of Marjorie. I honestly enjoyed what we’ve made of it and don’t regret it in the slightest. Life has sadly go in the way of me and I just don’t have the time to continue you this on. I’m hoping the New Year will bring peace and with it me back to the Zine.

Love you all ❣

And we will see you next week in our traditional colours!

BRIJ, DION, BEX, JEN

WHAT'S NEW IN IF? 2024-ISSUE 27

[massy2ly]

Quick personal observation/interpretation of each BOYFRIEND in ep 5 because I’m absolutely floored by how well the actors managed to emphasize their differences.

Jojo the talented man that you are… it takes so much skill to highlight different dynamics while the couples are still stuck in that gray zone full of secrets, trauma and lies.

- Kant vs. Style: Style in this episode was everything I wished to see. I was a little skeptical about how he was going to act around Fadel after learning the truth. Is he going to be scared? Is he going to act like Kant and be all lovey dovey while avoiding any dangerous topic that might make him look suspicious? Is he going to put a mask on too and come across as oblivious and innocent? NOOOOO. He was a stark opposite of Kant and that’s exact what I wanted. Not because I don’t like Kant or anything but I just wanted that refreshing contrast between them.

Kant has opted for the lover boy disguise since ep 1. Charming, down to earth, normal, unproblematic, gentlemanly, pliant. He wanted to appear innocent too but when Bison learned about his criminal past he couldn’t keep up that lie for too long. So he turned that innocence into redemption. A thief became a hero, an avoidant guy with commitment issues became devoted and loyal. A man seeking redemption and a regular relationship with a cute, pretty and ordinary waiter. That’s how he wanted to get close to Bison as a way to avoid raising suspicion, to steer clear of any danger that comes with this hitman. SAFETY came first In his book and he was smart enough to figure out that Bison needed exactly that: a new standard life and to forget who he is.

Style on the hand… many of us had suspected that his curiosity and growing feelings would overrun his fear of Fadel. Style is smart but he’s also bold, confident, extremely curious, spontaneous and likes risks. But what’s interesting here is that, contrary to Kant, Style is at peace with himself and his emotions. He always allow himself to feel and express those feelings. This, in addition to his curiosity, could explain why he flirted with danger in ep 5. He needed to figure out what he was feeling, he wanted to unravel the mystery around Fadel. While Kant keeps fighting himself and his love for Bison because he’s convinced there’s no other way, Style can’t help himself. While Kant constantly tries to remind himself that Bison is a hitman, Style in ep 5 is digging for Fadel’s humanity, anything that could legitimize his feelings for him or explain why Fadel is the way he is. We see this so clearly with Style’s confessions, raw feelings that caught Kant by surprise and even pushed him, FOR THE FIRST TIME, to admit that he, too, likes Bison. Style’s open attitude and straightforwardness exposed not only Fadel in ep 5 but also Kant (fucking finally).

- Bison vs. Fadel: these two are so different, we knew that since ep 1 and it’s reflected in how they act in a relationship too. It may or may not be because Fadel had experienced betrayal or/and loss in his past relationship.

Bison has a childlike rawness to him that fuels his hope. Sometimes it comes across as naivety, especially during his exchanges with Fadel as the contrast in their personalities brings that out. Bison not only wants a normal and carefree life but he’s high key convinced that it’s achievable for him, despite being an assassin. He’s a little whimsical and likes to forget who he is by putting himself in the shoes of someone ordinary. I think that’s why he’s so drawn to Kant and that’s why Kant acts like a “honorable citizen” (lol James) around him.

You just have to see how their relationship developed compared to Fadel and Style’s. It had a traditional flair to it: the courting, the dates, the handholding and sweet words, the soft tone with which they talk, THE BED (that one took a while for the other two lol). It appealed to Bison because it gave him a sense of fun, safety and normalcy. Unlike Fadel, Bison acts sweet and avoids scaring off Kant, unless his emotions get the better of him. He prefers not carrying that sense of danger and warning sign around him, which would’ve worked if he wasn’t so temperamental.

Fadel on the other hand doesn’t want to forget who he is and is convinced he would never be able to turn over a new leaf. Call me sadistic but I really, really liked how he’s still pushing Style away, even after he agreed to be his boyfriend. The way he’s doing it rn is so sad and beautiful because it’s doubled with this new vulnerability that just… ugh left me feeling all sort of things. I just love how honest he is with Style (minus that ex lover thingy he denied or idk). He doesn’t pretend to be someone he’s not, he doesn’t ignore his reality. I even think he’s loosened his hold on the dangerous aura he carries because in ep 5, he’s very straightforward with Style. Before, he would just act annoyed like a hardass who can handle himself but still avoided raising suspicion. The shift in ep 5 is CRAZY. He told Style on numerous occasions: “look I’m dangerous, you need to leave. I won’t trust you and I can’t give you what you want because I don’t think anyone can love me enough to stay by my side through this.”

[demelzathemer]

Rewatching Dead Boy Detectives for the 6th time and I STILL have so many thoughts, so let's do this

Episode 1

1. That's everything Crystal has on her for the rest of the season, right?

She must have had some money and her passport on that bag because she did change clothes and traveled half-way round the globe. But Jenny talks like Crystal doesn't have a credit card, so how much cash did she carry on her on a random day in the tube??

Well not enough to pay rent for the cheapest room in town when they arrived. (She wears a borrowed Tongue & Tail t-shirt from Jenny later, that's cute.)

I like how her original look is much darker and more mature, reflecting her mean girl personality. The long jacket later is still purple, but a light color with a colorful floral patterned turtleneck underneath.

(If she had her passport she has her full legal name and social security number to identify herself though-??)

2. I REALLY want to know what happened during those "two flights, one ferry ride" - where did the boys sit? Did Crystal buy a whole row of seats so they could sit together? (And was seen talking to herself alone the whole time lol)

Have the boys ever been on a plane (they haven't been on a ferry)? HOW DID EDWIN REACT... Please I want a fanfic

3. When they start investigating, Charles says to Crystal "I know you don't fancy this part, deep-diving into someone's brain. We can figure out another way if you'd like." Which is sweet, so Charles, but also, how did he know what she prefers? (They must have talked about it on the ferry ride.)

4. I thought it odd that Edwin would stumble out of the mirror, when he's always so careful and carries himself with such poise? But then I saw Kassius and Jayden, they both have the biggest grins on their faces just short of laughing. It's definitely a blooper, but George stayed in character so perfectly they left it in.

(George did confirm in an interview that due to Ghost Rules, the boys don't trip on treestumps etc, they would just phase through. So definitely not a scripted move.)

5. "Not exclusively my internet. (Charles laughs) I'll explain again later."

Crystal was the one that taught Edwin the concept of internet?? Did this happen on the ferry ride too??

6. THE VISUAL STORYTELLING. I'm obsessed how the costume department specifically adds visual cues to the boys' wardrobe depending on their emotional state.

We all know Charles' polo darkens when he goes through tough times, only returning to his original bright red after they're back from Hell. We understand that Edwin being in his Edwardian undergarments in the confession scene makes it so emotionally raw and vulnerable.

We don't see Edwin without his coat after they arrive in Port Townsend. There's the scene in the beginning when it's just him and Charles at home in their office, where we can see him without it. He can be his real self there, because he's safe and comfortable.

The heavy coat is Edwin's armor, a visual metaphora of the emotional walls he puts up against the world. He always wears it around Crystal.

Here, in the upstairs, where the topic of David upsets Edwin and he storms off.

Yet right after, we see him without it! I believe ghosts appearance may change to reflect their emotional state (or maybe Edwin just shucked it off, who knows)

It's a fantastic scene altogether but just by his clothes we can see that's he's being vulnerable with Crystal for the first time. I only noticed this detail now and I love it.

(In the next scene of making their plan together Edwin is still wearing this look. We can see they're not enemies anymore, but a team.)

7. When Crystal agrees and offers peace, Edwin actually *looks at Charles* for confirmation. He's out of his element here and needs his support. Charles is the one who knows how to hande people, so Edwin doesn't make any decisions before checking with him. Edwin only forgives Crystal when he sees Charles had approved of her.

(After he does, he glances back at Charles again, like he still needed that last bit of validation that he did the right thing.)

Their bond is so strong. There's always consideration for the other, whatever they do. The acting is also incredible.

Nonverbal communication has a huge role in this series, as much as the dialogue does. So many things are conveyed with just looks and sighs and the many close-up shots that make us emotionally connect with the characters.

8. Charles having beef with Monty right at the start will never not be funny. "Everyone likes me eventually." It's just a bird.

Even on top of the list of his day's heroic feats is "smack-talking a crow." I love him sm

+ As a bonus, look at this gorgeous shot of Charles with the neon light reflecting on his earring. Chef's kiss

[katyawriteswhump]

love and other catastrophes at the omega cafe (5.2/8) 🐈‍⬛

Here's the rest of today's chapter. I hope you enjoy 💚 

Summary: Steve is a runaway Omega who gets a job at an Omega café, where he’s basically paid to curl up and purr in Alphas’ laps. It’s legal, and he earns a living, rents his own place. He’s getting along fine for a packless Omega. Then Alpha rockstar Eddie Munson turns up for an hour of ‘kitty’ petting, and shatters Steve’s fragile little world…

Rating: E; CW: reference to past drug use; Tags: omega steve, alpha eddie, a/b/o dynamics, fluff and angst, sexual content 💚 

Chapter 1 on tumblr (also index post) Chapter 2 on tumblr Chapter 3.1 Chapter 3.2 Chapter 4.1 Chapter 4.2 Chapter 5.1

Chapter 5.2

Eddie placed Steve back on his feet. A cool wind cleaved between them, and Steve wrapped his arms around himself and shivered. Before Eddie could do anything about it, Robin stomped toward them. “Get inside, Steve, before you catch your death!”

“Seriously?” Steve rolled his eyes and retreated into the apartment. Eddie disappeared behind the screen to get changed, acutely aware that Robin remained, waiting on the other side.

“You do realise how far you’ve gone?” she hissed. “If you drop him now, he’ll get rejection sickness.”

 “I’m deadly serious about this, Ma’am. That’s why we’re courting.”

“Is that what you say to all of them? Huh? Huh? How many Omegas have you been with this year? This month?”

“Listen, since I arrived in this city, I’ve honestly towed the line as your bonafide rockstar monk. Even at ‘Kitties’, I only ever wanted Steve.”

“Before that?”

For a moment, Eddie considered dropping his tone below an Omega’s hearing range. In case Steve was listening. Then he felt an asshat for it and spoke in his normal voice. “Look, I’ve never courted anyone before. Yeah, I’ve had plenty of sex—Betas, Alpha on Alpha, you freakin’ name it, sister. And I’ve helped more than a few willing Omegas through their heats. Ya know, one-heat stands and then swapsies to help me through my ruts, plus a bunch of one-night stands.”

He cringed. Truth was, he had few regrets. He didn’t even believe he’d left too long a trail of broken hearts. Everything had been so casual, beginning to end. When the sex got out of hand—like the nasty white powder he’d snorted before every concert a year or so back—he’d worked hard to kick the habit. With the help of his friends.

He still wished he’d saved himself for Steve. Wtf? WTF?

“I’m not so different from most Alphas.” He dragged on his pants, which proved an effort what with his lingering dampness and other jutting obstacles. “We are known for spreading our wild oats.”

“Yeah, but you’re more an industrial seed spreader. How do I know you’re not gonna kick Steve like he’s another bad habit and leave him to rot?”

She was slashing him open, right here in his own apartment. His instinct was to chew her head off. Instead, as he emerged from behind the screen, he’d gotten his hands clasped imploringly.

“I swear, I could never hurt him. I’ve never felt like this before. I’d literally die to protect him. Please, if you’d just trust me?”

A beat passed. He grew aware that Steve was drawing close again. His peachy-floral-vanilla scent spiralled up Eddie’s nostrils. It made him crazy-happy, even under Robin’s withering glare.

“I’m watching you,” she said. Then her lips twisted into a smirk. “I’m watching you both. You’re ridiculously cute together. Don’t ruin it.”

The meal passed smoothly enough. Robin had thawed, and Eddie talked fairly openly about rehab—the time he went in for his coke addiction, at any rate. Robin and Wayne got along famously, as did Wayne and Steve, who started chatting about hockey. The topic always bored the crap out of Eddie. His brain still raced ahead to some magical evening when they’d watch a game together, and he could piss them off yelling for the ‘wrong’ side.

Steve, meanwhile, relaxed into a cute, playful mood that Eddie found totally infectious.

Yeah, they giggled and played footsie. Yeah, Eddie squeezed Steve’s knee every time he got the faintest chance. When Steve complained he was stuffed, Eddie slid his hand up and under Steve’s now untucked shirt to feel the faint swell of that glorious little tummy.

And… yes, yes, oh fuck, YES, BABY!

Steve’s fingers wandered tentatively across Eddie’s thigh more than once, darting back before he’d gotten his hand over Eddie’s dick.

“Looking for something?” whispered Eddie eventually, voice tight, because he’d gotten more-than-a-semi throbbing away again.

When Steve answered with a gasp of mock innocence, Eddie grabbed his hand and shoved it there. “See what you’re doing to me, Omega.”

Steve’s giggles grew so excited he hiccupped loudly, distracting the Betas from their animated conversation. “So, Eddie,” said Robin, with a terrifying smile, “when exactly were you gonna tell Steve you’ve gotten several gigs coming up, like, on the other side of the continent?”

“It’s hardly a state secret,” answered Eddie, breezily enough. “The world and their mother can look up Corroded Coffin’s schedule online.” Guilt clanged, all the same. He honestly hadn’t wanted to think about it, let alone talk about it. To be brutal, since he’d met Steve, all of his former priorities, including touring and recording their new album, had felt trivial.  “I’ll be gone for less than a fortnight,” he said to Steve, dead earnest now. “It won’t get in the way of our courting.”

“When do you go?” asked Steve.

“In three days.” Steve’s shoulders slumped a little, and Eddie grimaced. Those days would be packed with rehearsals, unless he really blew the guys off on this. “Sorry.”

“I’m cool,” said Steve, then, with a sniff, “you better call.”

I don’t want to call you. I want you to come with me.

The words teetered on the tip of Eddie’s tongue. Then Robin leaped up, causing her chair to clatter behind her and nearly topple. “It’s nearly midnight. Steve, we gotta go.”

They parted with hugs and smiles, although Steve seemed slightly subdued.

Once they’d gone, Eddie wanted to slap himself, and only just drew back from kicking a hole in the wall.

He’d fucked up. Steve was gone. Despite all his burning desire to protect the Omega, he was the one who’d wound up hurting him.

He was gonna have to think about the gigs. He was gonna have to be all fucking adult and responsible and think everything through. Because the idea of being without Steve, even for a day or so, was a freakin’ miserable one.

On the other hand, Corroded Coffin gigs were noisy and chaotic, a melting pot of aggressive Alpha scents. They were hardly a great hang-out for any Omega. Certainly not one who reacted so strongly to music.

And specifically, to Eddie’s music.

Wayne headed to bed as soon as they’d finished clearing up. Eddie had way too much restless energy to sleep. He changed into his slouchiest sweatpants and headed out onto the veranda, clutching a bourbon.

Which he placed, untouched, beside a swing sculpted to look like an enormous coconut. Gazing out across the twinkling lights of the city, he tried to focus, to think stuff through.

It was darn impossible. His need for the Omega was visceral, an agony that twisted in his heart, his mind… and, yeeeeeah, his dick.

The distant ding of the elevator cut through the quiet. A fresh wisp of Steve’s scent reached Eddie’s accelerating breaths, and those torturously tight knots inside him began to release.

He rushed forward to greet his Omega. Steve kinda tripped through the veranda doors and tumbled into Eddie’s opened arms: “What the heck are you doing here, Steve? Where’s Robin?”

“I ditched her,” said Steve. “She thinks I’m home in bed. Love her to bits, but she was… cramping my style. We need to talk. Like, properly talk.”

Eddie agreed, but his mind was veering farther than ever from clarity. His hands slid up around Steve’s face. Their bodies notched together so perfectly, and Steve was literally melting into him.

With an effort, Eddie eked out words that weren’t entirely dictated by physical needs. “What do you want to know, Baby? Whatever it is, just ask.”

“Well, I kinda wanted to talk about me, not just you, and…um…" Steve trailed off, fretting his lower lip. Eddie let rip instead, words tumbling from him, barely coherent, before he could stop himself:

“You’re safe with me, Steve. You’ll always be safe with me. When you offered yourself at the café, all the mindfulness, tranqs, all the months of therapy… It flew straight outta the window. I wanted you… It was agony… but I couldn’t hurt you. I never want to hurt you.”

“Woah! That’s a lot.” Steve was smiling. Eddie’s lust-addled brain took it as a win. “All of it good. I trust you, Eddie, which is why…” He winced slightly, trailing off.

Eddie glided one of his hands to Steve’s nape. “What is it, Baby?”

“You know what part of your music really flipped me out? It was the lyric ‘home.’ From your lips. Honestly, in that moment, you could’ve done anything with me. I was ready to roll over, offer all I got. I guess… we weren’t ready.”

Eddie wracked his brain. Home. Something about ‘the death-knell dialling home?’

He’d almost forgotten that lyric, which seemed throwaway and unimportant now. Though he was damn sure Steve was the one who’d gotten those creative juices flowing again, and…

…Steve wanted a home. With Eddie. After less than a week knowing each other.

Eddie was fiiiine with that.

Yeah, it was quick. Wayne and Robin would both have plenty to say about it. Right now, Eddie couldn’t give a rat’s ass. Steve perfumed the cool night air like a counter at Macy’s, and Eddie was releasing a cloud of aroma you could probably smell on that near-full moon.

His blood thundering in his ears, he tuned back into Steve’s quiet voice.

“Look, I’m not asking you to offer me that home, not without knowing me better. There’s stuff I need to tell you, serious stuff, and… Oh!”

Animal instincts kicked in. Eddie swept Steve up into his arms, like earlier. Steve reacted instantly, reclining bonelessly. His head flopped backward, and he offered up his pale throat, unsullied by any mating bite, to Eddie.

Eddie’s gaze drilled through layers of suddenly translucent skin and into Steve’s pulsing veins. His lips peeled back, and… HOLY FUCK, NO MUNCHIES YET, MUNSON! Steve, fortunately, lifted his head back up: “Alpha,” he murmured, eyes glazed and spacey. “I-I’m ready for that kiss Robin interrupted.”

Eddie knew his smile remained savage. “I’d say I’m ready too, Omega.”

Steve inhaled sharply and closed his eyes. Eddie closed in.

At the featherlight touch of lips, relief and excitement raced through Eddie in equal measures. He moved his mouth caressingly, savoring the pure, perfect flavor of his Omega, inhaling Steve’s sweet sigh. Steve slid fingers up into Eddie’s hair, tangled, tugged and clung, urging Eddie on.

Finally, Eddie slid his tongue between those butter-soft lips, claiming a kiss that he was damn sure he’d craved his entire life.

Chapter 6.1

Chapter 6 on AO3

Thank you so very much for reading. If you enjoyed, every little like and reblog or comment means a lot to me so thank you💚

I am always happy to tag, pls let me know, or you can follow the tag #steddie omega cat cafe 💚

tags 💚🐈‍⬛💚 @disrespectedgoatman 💚 @bumblebeecuttlefishes

@katethetank 💚 @themoonagainstmers 💚 @chaotic-waffle 💚

💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚

On AO3

[gleefullypolin]

Stacy's Tipsy Musing's - Colin Bridgerton Hot Takes - Part 2

Ok boys and girls, we need to have a little chat about Colin Bridgerton.

Part 2 has been out now for a couple of days and there have been a lot of hot takes to come out of the season. A LOT of hot takes. I’m going to break this down into 4 parts. 4 questions that I'm seeing really bad hot takes about Colin.

Now none of this is new, I gotta say before Season 3 aired Colin was a hot button topic anyway. He seemed to be the Bridgerton brother that lots of people love to spew hate takes on anyway. But damn I gotta say its painful seeing the Polin fandom have so many bad takes falling from their lips.

So, I figured...having a little drink tonight, sitting down for Father’s Day (Happy Father’s Day, Colin) I’d give you the opinion on some of these takes that you didn’t ask for...Mine!

Last time we talked about Colin’s entrapment statement to Pen and if he truly meant it.  Question 1, now lets get to Question 2:

Why would Colin send Pen home alone after finding her on the street at night?

Ok we are going to have to resolve a few things here. One, our desire to watch Pen/Colin have hot angry sex right there on the street, and two Colin Bridgerton respecting Penelope too much to do so. So, let’s start at the top. Colin finds Pen walking home on a dark street after a long night of drinking the night before they are to be married. And not just a little drinking, a LOT of drinking. He was going pretty hard at the bar with his brother, the boys could not keep up with him, and Kate called him out for smelling like a bottle of liquor.

Now he sees the reason for all his drinking, walking down a dark road STILL putting herself in danger in the middle of the night. His mind is racing about what the hell she is doing out there, he immediately just assumes it is connected to Whistledown. The woman he despises, hates, and is highly jealous of.

Now they fight. Because of course they do. Pen does a good job of holding her own against his anger here. She tries to explain herself, that she was trying to protect El, that she wanted to protect him, that she made mistakes, she should have done things differently. That Colin has given her confidence to stand up for herself without Whistledown, and you can see his resolve give. The moment he thinks she will walk away from it, he appears like that will end it all, it will stop the fight in it’s tracks.

But then she tells him there is still value to her keeping it. And that is where you see the real reason for him holding onto his anger. The jealousy. The fact that he feels she was laughing at him, by being a writer herself she must have not been truthful to him about his own writing. About his talent. And then the anger bubbles back up, and he hits her about his concern for her safety. And then it surges forward, his need to protect her. And that is where she strikes at him, she does not need his protection.

And here we are at the crux of Colin Bridgerton’s pain. His hero complex without a damsel to save. “Then what good am I to you?” She silences him with the one thing she can. Love. Pen loves Colin. It’s all she needs from him. And he is lost momentarily in her need for him to love her. His purpose. And they lose themselves in each other without thought in passion. Colin forgets his anger, his jealousy, his shame and he takes her up against the wall in public, on the street. And it’s not until that cursed horse ruins our voyeuristic excitement that Colin suddenly remembers that he has Pen up against a wall in public.

And this is not our Colin Bridgerton that loves Penelope. Not the Colin who just admonished her for not respecting him enough to talk directly to him. He is not the Colin Bridgerton who would take her out of anger. He would not take her while feeling this shame and hurt toward her. Simply having her tied to him does not mean he can just take what he wants. So instead, he treats her with respect, he walks her to the carriage, and he puts her safely inside.

He then makes sure she understands that she will see him in the morning at the wedding, he intends to be there to marry her, regardless of what is going on between them. And then he sends her home. Because anything else would not be Colin. He’s drunk, he’s angry, and the alternatives would not end without adding more shame to himself.

Stick around for part 3....

Why would Colin sleep on the couch and ruin their wedding night and then continue to sleep on the couch after they are married?

[bishovapls]

Hold On - Part 5: All you gotta do is say please, baby.

Pairing: Yelena Belova & Kate Bishop

Chapter Summary: Kate and Yelena are finally heading back to New York, but not before Clint calls Kate out on the real reason she came to Iowa in the first place. The journey home is slow and weighed down by tough conversations and emotions, but they manage to lean on each other through it. And when Yelena’s surprise is finally revealed, Kate’s way of saying thank you turns the moment into something neither of them will forget.

Warnings: Mentions of a previous suicide attempt, Red Room training/abuse flashbacks and thoughts, hysterectomy, very brief allusions to sexual abuse in the Red Room, and smut (It is pretty soft tbh).

A/N: It has taken me so long to get this chapter out, ahh. I’ve written and rewritten it so many times, I just couldn’t get the flow right, and I still don’t feel like it’s fully there. Originally, this chapter was so much longer, but I had to cut it down, and I don’t think it helped with the flow at all. Also, my girlfriend currently has me acting as Bob the Builder, fixing stuff up around the house ready for her guests that will be here next week, so I really needed to stop obsessing over this. It’s being posted as-is, and I really hope it’s good enough😅.

Also, we all know Google Translate loves to mess things up, so if any of the Russian is off, just pretend you didn’t see it.

Word count: 15k

Part 5 begins below the cut, you can also find the fic on AO3. I also have a masterlist.

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4.

Since the rather awkward but well-meaning ‘shovel talk’ with the Bartons, Yelena and Kate had ended up staying at the Barton family farm for an entire week longer than originally planned. What had been intended as a few days of refuge had quietly extended itself into something far gentler, far warmer, than either of them had expected. There was something disarmingly soothing about the rhythm of life on the farm, the quiet hum of daily chores, the wide-open skies, and the simple, grounding presence of people who truly cared. It gave them both a rare chance to breathe, to just exist for a while without the weight of New York pressing down on their shoulders.

But while it had seemed, from the outside, like they were merely resting, Yelena had been anything but idle. Beneath her calm exterior, she had been working tirelessly, almost obsessively, with Sonya and their trusted legal contact to untangle the complicated mess that Kate’s life had become in the wake of her mother’s downfall. Eleanor Bishop’s surrender of her assets had been swifter and more complete than anyone could have anticipated. Every account, every share, every property, Eleanor had signed them all over, as though ridding herself of a burden too heavy to carry. It felt almost too easy, and Kate, naturally, had been suspicious.

More than once, she had shot Yelena a wary glance over her laptop screen, voicing her concern in cautious, half-whispered words. "Lena, are we... sure this is legal?" she had asked, worry creasing her brow. But Yelena, who had seen far murkier corners of the world, had only given her that quietly assured look and a faint smile, saying softly, “Trust me, detka (babe).” And Kate had, because Yelena had become the one person in the world Kate trusted without hesitation, even when it made her stomach twist with nerves.

So now, officially, Kate had it all. More money than she would ever need, full ownership of Bishop Securities, and the penthouse. But while the money and the company had been practical victories, the penthouse remained a heavy weight chained to her chest. Yelena could see it in her eyes every time the topic came up, that tightness in her expression, the way her lips would press together just a little too firmly, like she was swallowing back the memories it dredged up. Memories of her mother, of loneliness, of a life that no longer felt like her own.

What Kate didn’t know, however, was that Yelena had been working quietly, almost obsessively, behind the scenes to fix that as well. She had spent stolen moments on hushed phone calls, slipping away under the guise of errands or casual strolls, laying the groundwork for a surprise that she hoped would soften Kate’s return to the city. She had no intention of letting Kate step back into a place that made her heart ache. 

As for the two of them, well, their fledgling relationship had blossomed into something far sweeter, far steadier, than either had dared hope. They were almost inseparable now, moving through the days with a natural, easy closeness that felt like breathing. When Yelena wasn’t off plotting her secret surprise, she and Kate spent nearly every moment together, as if making up for all the time they had lost to danger and uncertainty.

Every night, without fail, they curled up together in bed, their bodies instinctively gravitating toward one another. Yelena, despite her usual bravado, had slipped quite happily into the role of little spoon, tucking herself securely against Kate’s chest, as if Kate alone could keep the world at bay. Kate never once complained. She held Yelena close like she was something fragile and precious, pressing absent-minded kisses to her hair as they drifted off to sleep.

On the two nights that Kate’s nightmares resurfaced, Yelena didn't let her face them alone. She would sit up, bleary-eyed but determined, and throw on a movie until the shadows retreated from Kate’s mind. They’d stay awake together, wrapped in each other’s arms beneath the dim glow of the laptop screen, until exhaustion finally pulled them under.

But it wasn’t just the quiet, intimate moments that wove them closer. Their days had become something out of a dream. They tried everything the countryside could offer, throwing themselves into each moment with reckless abandon. When they weren’t in school, Clint’s kids had roped them into backyard games that became rambunctious affairs since Yelena, competitive to the bone, was determined not to let anyone, not even a child, beat her at capture the flag. 

Kate, of course, took this as a challenge, and the two of them ended up diving across the grass, tangled together in breathless laughter as Lucky barked encouragement from the sidelines.

They spent sunny afternoons sprawled out on blankets beneath the wide, open sky, making daisy chains and pretending not to care who could make the longest one, though both of them absolutely did. 

There were early mornings too, when Kate would let herself be coaxed out of bed just to watch the sun rise over the fields. She’d grumble the whole way, burying her face in Yelena’s shoulder, but the moment the sky blushed pink and gold, she’d quietly admit it was worth it. Yelena would kiss her temple in reply, smiling into her hair, and Kate’s complaints would fade into contented silence.

Their walks turned into playful races, always ending with them breathless and triumphant, collapsing into the long grass and staring up at the sky as if they had all the time in the world. Clint and Laura watched them from a distance with soft smiles, seeing not just two young women who had survived too much, but two people who, finally, were learning how to live.

It wasn’t perfect. There were still shadows that lingered at the edges, ghosts of fear and memory they hadn’t yet outrun. But, for the first time in what felt like forever, they’d found something that resembled home, a fragile, precious thing that made them believe, even if only quietly, that they could build something lasting. And that was exactly why, eventually, it had to end. 

They couldn’t stay with the Bartons forever. They had lives waiting for them, roads that needed to be walked. Kate had a business to mend, a city to reclaim, and Yelena had sisters to free, a mission that still burned bright beneath her ribs. As comforting as it was to stay wrapped in the warmth of family, borrowed as it was, they knew deep down it couldn’t last.

So, over breakfast on a sleepy Sunday morning, Kate finally broke the news. She set down her coffee cup and, with a quiet kind of resolve, told the Bartons they’d be leaving that evening. It felt heavy and right all at once.

Later, as they were packing, Clint appeared in the doorway of what had become Kate’s room, and now, unmistakably, Yelena’s too. He lingered for a second, awkward, almost like he didn’t know where to place himself. His fingers tapped against the doorframe before he spoke, a nervous edge to his voice.

“Kate,” he began, clearing his throat, eyes flicking between her and Yelena. “Could we, uh… could we talk? You know… privately? Before you go?”

Kate blinked, caught off guard. A flicker of worry pinched at her brow. Why couldn’t Yelena hear this too? What did he need to say that wasn’t for both of us? But still, she nodded, a tight little motion, and set down the jumper she’d been folding. With a glance at Yelena, she followed Clint out of the room, her heart thudding a little faster than before.

They had made their way to the dining table, and Clint had wordlessly set a cup of coffee in front of Kate. They sat across from one another, the space between them somehow vast and suffocating all at once. The silence felt brittle, stretched too thin, and Clint’s discomfort was obvious in the way his gaze darted to the window, to the table, to anything but her. He seemed to struggle with where to begin, the words knotting in his throat.

“Clint… what is it?” Kate’s voice cracked as she tried to make it sound lighter, a nervous little chuckle slipping through her lips, though it did nothing to ease the tightness in her chest. “You’re scaring me.”

He closed his eyes for a moment, his brows pulling together as he exhaled a long, shaky breath. When he looked back at her, there was something fragile in his expression, something that made her stomach twist.

“I know you’re probably not going to want to hear this,” he began, his voice rough and uneven, tripping over the weight of his own words. “But I need you to understand… I wouldn’t bring it up if I weren’t worried. I am worried. I just…I need to be sure you’re going to be okay.”

The moment the words left him, her heart lurched to her throat. Her breath caught, brittle and sharp, and her hands instinctively curled around the warm mug in front of her, as if it could somehow ground her.

“Laura told you,” she whispered, her voice barely there, a hollow breath against the growing storm inside her chest. It wasn’t a question, it didn’t need to be. She felt her pulse thunder in her ears, anxiety clawing its way up like a rising tide.

Clint gave a small, almost imperceptible nod. His eyes were glassy, rimmed red as he swallowed against the swell of emotion. “She did,” he admitted, his voice tight. “She was worried, Kate. You’re going back there, and last time, you just…” He faltered, his breath catching as he tried to gather the words that had been gnawing at him. “You cut us off. Completely. And I thought—” his voice broke, and he pressed his lips together for a beat, forcing the lump in his throat down. “I thought we made it clear you mattered to us. I thought you knew how much you mattered. I’m so sorry, Kate. We should’ve made it clear.”

Kate’s eyes stung with unshed tears as she shook her head, her chest aching. She could see him fighting against the tears clouding his vision, see the cracks in his usually steady composure.

“Clint,” she breathed, her voice trembling, “stop. Please. Don’t apologise. You didn’t do anything wrong.” She swallowed hard, her throat raw. “I knew you cared. I always did. It’s just… God, Clint, it wasn’t about that. No matter what you or Laura said, or did, or tried… it felt like time. I didn’t see any other way. I didn’t plan to stay, no matter what.”

Her confession hung heavy in the air between them, and for a moment, neither of them spoke. Then, a single tear slipped free down Clint’s cheek, his breath shuddering as he blinked hard, like he could will the rest away.

“We could’ve lost you, Kate,” he rasped, his voice thick with grief and fear that hadn’t eased with time. His fingers curled into fists on the table. “We could’ve lost you and I—” He stopped himself, shook his head as if the thought alone was too much to bear. “I don’t want you to go back to New York,” he said hoarsely. “We don’t want you to go. You’re safe here. You’re safe with us.”

His voice cracked on the last word, and Kate’s lips parted, but the words tangled in her throat, caught between the crushing guilt and the fragile tenderness of what Clint was saying. 

Her eyes burned, and she blinked fast, but it did nothing to stop the tears that blurred her vision. She hated this feeling, this raw exposure, this vulnerability that made her feel like her chest had been split wide open, but more than that, she hated how right he was. How much it hurt to hear the truth spoken out loud.

“I know,” she rasped, her voice unsteady as she pushed the words free. “I know you don’t want me to go. And maybe part of me doesn’t want to either.” Her hands tightened around the mug, knuckles pale. “But I can’t hide here forever, Clint. I can’t stay safe in this house and pretend like the rest of the world doesn’t exist.”

Her throat bobbed as she swallowed hard, forcing back the sob that clawed at her chest. “I have to face it. I have to try, even if it’s terrifying. Even if I don’t know if I’m strong enough.”

Clint’s eyes searched hers, as if he could somehow shoulder the weight of her fears if he just looked hard enough. “You are strong enough,” he said, his voice rough but certain. “But you don’t have to do it alone, Katie. You never have to do it alone again.”

Her heart clenched painfully at the nickname, at the way he said it like she was still that same stubborn, reckless girl who followed him into danger without thinking. She let out a shaky breath, and a tear slipped free, trailing down her cheek. “I’m not alone,” she whispered, her voice thick with emotion. “Not anymore.”

As if summoned by her words, there was a soft sound behind them, a light, almost hesitant knock against the doorframe. Kate turned her head, blinking through her tears to see Yelena standing there. She looked out of place in the doorway, her usual sharp confidence softened by something gentler, more uncertain. Her gaze flicked between them, lingering on Kate’s tear-streaked face, her brows knitting with quiet concern.

“Am I interrupting?” Yelena asked, though her voice was quiet, and it was obvious she already knew the answer. “I just…I had a feeling and wanted to check...”

Kate’s chest tightened at the sight of her, at the warmth and the worry in her eyes. She shook her head, her breath catching in her throat. “No,” she managed, her voice breaking. “No, you’re not.”

Clint followed her gaze, and something in his expression shifted, a realisation, a kind of fragile relief. He cleared his throat and wiped at his cheek with the back of his hand, trying to pull himself together. “Never,” he said hoarsely. “Because I think you’re part of this too.”

Yelena stepped further into the room, her eyes never leaving Kate. Without needing to be asked, she came to her side, her presence grounding and steady. She didn’t say anything right away, just placed a gentle hand on Kate’s shoulder, her thumb brushing in quiet circles against her skin. It was such a small gesture, but it sent a wave of warmth through Kate’s chest, steadying the storm just a little.

Kate exhaled shakily, leaning into the touch. “I’m scared,” she admitted, her voice breaking. “I’m so scared.”

Yelena’s brows softened, and she crouched slightly so she could meet Kate’s eyes, her hand never leaving her shoulder. “I know,” she said simply. “But you do not have to be scared alone.”

There was no hesitation in her words, no uncertainty. Just quiet, unwavering resolve. And somehow, it was exactly what Kate needed to hear.

Clint watched them for a moment longer, his own heart aching, but there was a glimmer of comfort in his gaze now. He could see it,  the way Kate’s breathing had steadied, the way her shoulders had relaxed beneath Yelena’s touch. She wasn’t alone. Not anymore.

“You’ve got people in your corner, Katie,” Clint said softly, his voice thick with emotion. “You always will.”

Kate breathed out slowly, she felt herself slowly, gently, start to unravel, not in the way she used to, not like she was falling apart, but like she was letting the walls down at last, brick by careful brick. Her eyes, still glassy with tears, drifted from Yelena’s steady, grounding presence back to Clint, whose expression had softened into something achingly familiar. Protective. Warm. Family.

Without thinking, she reached across the table and took his hand. Clint’s eyes flickered in surprise, but his fingers curled around hers almost immediately, rough and calloused but comforting all the same. 

For a moment, they just sat there like that. No one spoke. No one needed to. The sunlight filtered in weakly through the window, catching on the glisten of Kate’s tears, on the rough edges of Clint’s worry, and the silent protectiveness in Yelena’s gaze. 

Clint was the first to break the quiet, “You promise you’ll call?” he asked, and despite himself, his voice cracked at the end of the sentence.

Kate gave a soft, trembling laugh through her own tears. “I promise,” she said. Then she tilted her head towards Yelena with a teasing edge that didn’t quite hide the affection beneath it. “Actually, you’ll probably be begging me to stop calling. We’re gonna annoy you so much.”

Yelena, catching on immediately, flashed the smallest, mischievous smile. “I will make sure she calls every day,” she said, deadpan. “Maybe two times. Possibly three. Don’t worry, Barton, I will make sure you are stuck with her. ”

Kate let out a wet laugh, her chest tightening with something warm and golden, and Clint chuckled low in his throat, shaking his head like he already knew they weren’t joking. “I’ll take it,” he said, voice thick with emotion, a tearful smile breaking through. “As long as it means she doesn’t disappear on me again.”

“I won’t let her,” Yelena said quickly, her tone still light but threaded with quiet certainty. “I mean, I know where she lives. She has no chance of disappearing, not on my watch. I’ll keep an eye on her, like a… hawk.” Her smirk lingered, the joke deliberate with two Hawkeyes right there, but beneath the mischief was something steadier, an unspoken promise, offered straight to Clint. She would be there. Kate wouldn’t be alone again. Not if Yelena had anything to say about it.

Kate rolled her eyes at the truly terrible joke, but Clint didn’t flinch. He saw it for what it was and nodded, a soft smile tugging at his lips. He trusted Yelena, trusted her word, regardless of her past or the fact that she was a Widow trained to deceive. None of that mattered. What mattered was the way she looked at Kate, the way she spoke with quiet conviction. Clint knew, deep down, that Yelena cared. Really cared. And she wouldn’t let Kate slip away without a fight.

They stayed like that for a little while longer, but eventually, Laura drifted into the room too, sensing the quiet aftermath of emotion, and she said nothing at first. She simply crossed to Clint’s side, wrapping an arm around his shoulders, her gaze soft and full of understanding as she took in the scene.

Yelena was the one who broke the moment, lifting her hand to gently nudge Kate’s cheek with her knuckles, wiping away the last of her tears. “Come,” she said softly. “We still have packing to do.”

Kate swallowed the lump in her throat and nodded. She rose from her chair, giving Clint’s hand one final squeeze before letting go, and Clint caught her in a rough, protective hug that she gladly melted into. He held her tightly for a moment, and when they pulled apart, he pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

“You’ll always have a place here,” he said, his voice thick. “Always.”

Kate didn’t trust her voice to work, so she just nodded, her eyes stinging with unshed tears. Yelena, standing close at her side, brushed her fingers along Kate’s arm before lacing their hands together as they stepped away from the table. 

-----

As they moved to finish packing, there was a softness in the air between them, a quiet understanding that no matter how heavy this moment felt, they were not carrying it alone. Yelena kept close to Kate’s side as they gathered her things, not in the way of someone hovering, but as though she were quietly anchoring Kate, offering her steadiness without words, her presence a silent promise: You’re not alone in this.

Downstairs, the Barton kids were waiting, lingering in the living room like they didn’t quite know what to do with themselves. Lila was twisting a hair tie around her fingers, her eyes red-rimmed though she tried to mask it with a brave, lopsided smile. Cooper stood awkwardly near the doorway, his hands shoved into his pockets, while Nathaniel clung to his mother’s hand, his gaze solemn.

Kate’s chest ached at the sight of them. She swallowed hard against the lump rising in her throat and managed a small smile as she stepped forward, her bag slung over her shoulder. “Hey, guys,” she said softly, her voice catching just a little.

“You sure you have to go?” Lila asked, her voice wobbly but determined. She tried to play it off with a lightness that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “I mean, we were finally getting you trained for family game night.”

Kate let out a breathy laugh, even as her vision blurred with tears. She set her bag down for a moment and crossed to Lila, pulling her into a tight hug. “I’m going to miss you so much,” she whispered, her voice raw with honesty.

Lila clung back fiercely, like she never wanted to let go. “I already miss you,” she whispered back.

When they parted, Cooper was already stepping forward, his usual cool composure cracked at the edges. He didn’t say anything at first, just pulled Kate into a quick, awkward hug that lingered longer than expected. “Don’t be a stranger, okay?” he said, pulling back just enough to look at her, his eyes shining with unshed tears.

“I won’t,” Kate promised, her throat tight.

Nathaniel, still holding Laura’s hand, looked up at her with wide, earnest eyes. “Will you come back for Christmas?” he asked, his voice so small, so hopeful, it nearly broke her heart.

Kate crouched down to his level, brushing a hand through his hair gently. “Of course,” she said, her voice thick with emotion. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

Then, to her surprise, Nathaniel turned shyly toward Yelena, his gaze flicking between her and his mother as though unsure if it was okay. Laura gave him a gentle nudge, and he stepped forward. Without a word, he wrapped his little arms around Yelena in a spontaneous, childlike hug.

Yelena froze, blinking down at him as though she couldn’t quite believe what was happening. Her arms hovered in the air, stiff and unsure, before she awkwardly lowered them and rested her hands on his back, her touch gentle but uncertain. She glanced at Kate, a flicker of bewilderment in her eyes, but Kate just offered her a small, encouraging smile.

When Nathaniel let go, Lila stepped up next. “You’re family now, too, you know,” she said, her voice wobbling with emotion. Without waiting for a response, she threw her arms around Yelena’s waist, squeezing tightly.

This time, Yelena’s arms came up a little more naturally, hesitantly at first, then with growing warmth as she let herself return the hug properly. Something unfamiliar bloomed in her chest, sharp, aching, but not unpleasant. She didn’t know what to say, but Lila didn’t seem to need words.

Even Cooper, awkward and a bit shy, gave her a quick, one-armed hug before stepping back, clearing his throat like he wasn’t entirely sure how to handle his own emotions.

Yelena, blinking in astonishment, could only nod, her throat tight with things she didn’t know how to express.

Laura stepped forward then, her gaze soft but steady, and for a moment, Yelena thought she might simply offer a nod of farewell. But instead, Laura’s arms wrapped around her in a warm, full embrace, with no hesitation at all.

And Yelena… melted. Her breath caught in her chest as she felt something inside her crack wide open, something old and defensive and brittle. She sank into the hug without thinking, her hands clutching the back of Laura’s sweater, her eyes fluttering shut as she allowed herself, just for a heartbeat, to be held, to feel it. No tactics, no calculation. Just warmth.

Laura’s voice was quiet in her ear. “You take care of her,” she murmured, full of quiet strength. “And yourself, okay?”

Yelena’s reply was immediate, fierce and true. “I will,” she said, her voice rough.

Laura stepped towards Kate next, her gaze soft but steady as she pulled Kate into a firm hug. She didn’t say anything at first, just held her tight, as though that could say everything she needed. When she finally spoke, her voice was warm and low in Kate’s ear. “You’re always welcome here. Any time, for any reason.”

“I know,” Kate whispered, blinking back fresh tears. “Thank you… for everything.”

With the goodbyes nearly said, Kate and Yelena turned to Clint one last time. He stood by the door, arms crossed over his chest like he was trying to hold himself together. His eyes were red but proud, a complicated mix of emotions etched across his face.

Kate crossed to him, and without a word, they wrapped each other in a tight embrace. It wasn’t a quick hug, or one of obligation,  it was long, full of everything they couldn’t quite say aloud. Gratitude. Fear. Love. Hope. 

When they finally drew apart, Clint’s hands stayed steady on her shoulders, grounding her. His eyes were misted but unwavering, the kind of look that made promises without needing to be loud about it.

“Remember what I said,” he murmured, voice thick with emotion. “There’s nowhere too far, no hour too late. You need us, Kate, you call. You will call. Don’t shut us out again.”

Her throat tightened, but she nodded, voice barely above a whisper. “I will,” she said, and she meant it with every bruised, mending piece of her.

Then, to everyone's surprise, Clint turned toward Yelena, his expression softening. For a beat, she thought he might offer only a nod or a handshake, something safe, something she expected.

But instead, Clint stepped forward and pulled her into a firm, rough-edged hug. Yelena’s eyes widened in surprise, her body stiffening instinctively, not knowing how to respond. But as Clint held her, solid and sure, something within her eased, and she found herself returning the embrace, albeit a little awkwardly.

“You’re stuck with us now,” he said gruffly, his voice thick with feeling. “Whether you like it or not.”

Yelena huffed a quiet, unsteady breath that might have been a laugh, blinking fast against a sudden sting behind her eyes. “I like it,” she admitted, so quietly she wasn’t even sure she’d said it out loud.

Finally, with her bag slung back over her shoulder and Yelena and Lucky at her side, Kate made her way to the door. She paused on the threshold, her eyes sweeping over the familiar walls, the family that had become her own, the place that had caught her when she was at her lowest. She felt Yelena’s hand slip into hers, grounding her, and she tightened her grip like it was a lifeline.

With one last lingering look, Kate stepped outside. The air was cool and fresh, carrying with it the promise of something new. Yelena followed close beside her, their hands still entwined, with Lucky trotting beside them as they walked toward the car waiting at the edge of the drive.

-----

The car ride was quiet at first. Not tense, just still, like the whole world had exhaled and now sat in that long, lingering breath before anything else could be said. The hum of the engine was the only sound for a while, and even that felt hushed beneath the weight of everything they’d just left behind.

Kate sat slouched in the passenger seat, her forehead resting near the window. She wasn’t watching the scenery so much as letting it blur past, grey trees and fading light bleeding together as if the world outside were holding its breath too. Her fingers worked absently at the zipper of her coat, tugging it up and down in small, repetitive motions. Her eyes were distant, not quite teary, but heavy with the kind of sadness that sat deep in the chest, the kind that didn’t need an excuse anymore.

Yelena didn’t speak. She kept her eyes on the road, both hands on the wheel, but her attention was split, always aware of the woman beside her. She didn’t know what Kate needed yet: space, comfort, or distraction? Yelena had never been good at guessing with emotions, so instead she just tried to be steady, solid. Present.

But her mind wasn’t quiet. The warmth of the Barton household still clung to her like something she didn’t know how to wear, too soft, too kind, like slipping into borrowed clothes. It had all left a strange, aching feeling in her chest. Not bad. Just unfamiliar.

Every so often, Yelena flicked her gaze sideways, sneaking glances at Kate when she thought she wouldn’t notice. She watched the way Kate’s shoulders curled in on themselves, how her forehead leaned just a little toward the glass, like she needed the coolness against her skin to keep from fraying at the edges.

“You okay?” Yelena asked at last, her voice low and softer than usual, careful not to disturb the fragile peace between them.

Kate didn’t look at her. She blinked slowly, lashes thick and heavy. Her voice came a moment later, quiet and thin around the edges. “I think so. Just…” Her shoulders lifted in a half-hearted shrug. “It hurts. Saying goodbye to something that felt like home.”

Yelena nodded slowly, her jaw tightening. “It is home,” she said, simply. 

Kate exhaled a soft chuckle, the kind that wasn’t really a laugh, just the sound of something caught in her throat. “Not anymore,” she murmured, her voice fragile, barely audible. “I guess, I knew it couldn’t last, but I let myself pretend it could.”

Yelena’s throat tightened at the words, the weight of them settling over her like a familiar ache. She understood how it was easier to hold on to something, even if you knew it was slipping through your fingers. The pretending was comforting. The hope, however fragile, was easier than facing the emptiness. She wanted to say it out loud, but the words felt foreign, trapped somewhere between Russian and English, like they couldn’t fully exist in either language.

Instead, Yelena reached across the centre console, her movements slow, deliberate. Her fingers brushed against Kate’s lightly, just a touch, an unspoken question, a quiet offer. When Kate didn’t pull away, Yelena’s fingers curled into hers, tentative but warm, like the simple act of holding on to something could bridge the space between them.

Their fingers fit together as if they had done it a thousand times, a natural closeness that spoke louder than words ever could. Kate turned toward her then, just a little, her eyes searching Yelena’s face, as if bracing herself for a truth she wasn’t sure she was ready to hear.

Yelena kept her gaze ahead, focusing on the road, but her voice, when it came, was calm, like she was setting something delicate and important between them, something fragile, but real. “For so long, home to me was just… a place,” she said, her voice quiet, the words wrapped in layers of thought. “Walls, furniture, somewhere to sleep. You know? But... that’s not home. Home is the people. It’s the feeling. The safety. The knowing you’re protected, you’re not alone.”

Kate didn’t say anything, but her posture shifted slightly, her shoulders relaxing a fraction, as if the words were reaching her slowly, like the warmth of sunlight breaking through clouds. Yelena’s words, though soft, held weight; they were not just comforting, but profound, the kind of wisdom earned from loss and quiet reflection.

Yelena breathed in again, her gaze still fixed ahead. “And trust me, Kate… I was young, but I remember how it felt to lose everything. To lose Ohio, to lose home. It’s not something you forget. So I know how you’re feeling. I know how your mind is loud with the dark thoughts, that they’re telling you that you have nothing left again.”

Kate blinked hard, her lips pressing together, the rawness of the words hitting deeper than she expected. She wanted to respond, to say something, but the knot in her throat tightened.

Yelena’s grip on her hand tightened slightly, not in a hurry, just a steady, grounding presence. “But that’s not true,” she said, her tone firming, but still gentle, as if she was holding Kate’s heart in her hands and didn’t want to break it. “You still have a home, Kate. You still have Clint. And the Bartons. They are your home. Even if they’re not with you right now. They’re still there. They’re a part of you, and that doesn’t change because you’re not in the same place.”

Kate’s gaze flicked to Yelena, and for the first time since they’d left, she found herself meeting her eyes, searching, trying to find the truth there. Her breath caught in her chest, a slight tremor in her fingers as she held Yelena’s hand.

“You just have to let them stay,” Yelena said gently, her voice laced with something ancient and quiet and steady, not just comfort, but the kind of truth you only speak after surviving its opposite. “Don’t shut them out, Kate. Don’t let the physical location convince you that you’ve lost your home. You still have a home. That part of your life is still yours. They are still yours.”

Kate didn’t respond right away. Her gaze dropped to their hands, still lightly joined, resting between them, their fingers twined so naturally it felt like they’d never learned how to be apart. There was something sacred in the simplicity of it. The warmth of Yelena’s skin, the stillness between them, the way their hands just… fit. And yet, her voice, when it came, was small and hesitant, barely above a breath. “You… you’re saying them,” she said softly. “You’re still mine, right?”

Yelena let out a quiet laugh, more of a gentle exhale through her nose, not mocking, more like she was amused by how unnecessary the question felt to her. “I think I’ve made that very clear, no?” she said, giving Kate’s hand a tender squeeze. “I’m yours. Even in New York. I will be there. Maybe not in the same way… maybe in a slightly different capacity, but still there.”

That last part made Kate’s stomach turn, something unpleasant curling in her chest. She shifted to face her more fully, brows drawing together. “Different capacity?” she repeated, her voice laced with a sudden unease. A thread of panic began to wind its way through her ribs. “But… you said you didn’t have to take contracts. You said you could stay. We worked it all out! You said you’d stay, Yelena. You promised.” Her voice cracked as it rose, urgency bleeding through. “You said you wouldn’t leave.”

Yelena glanced at her quickly, guilt flickering across her face before she looked back at the road. “Hey, hey, malyshka (baby)…shhh. I’m not leaving, okay?” she said carefully, her voice calm but firm. “I’ll be in New York. I just meant things will be different now. We won’t be living together anymore, not like at the Bartons.”

Kate froze, breath catching. “Wait… what?” she said, blinking hard. “Why wouldn’t we live together?”

Yelena looked at her, startled by the question, genuinely confused. “Because…” she said slowly, choosing her words with care, “that’s not the custom, is it? People don’t usually live together unless they are family, or married, or something more formal. I just assumed you would want to wait.” She gave a small, helpless shrug. “I was trying to respect that.”

And it hit Kate then, sharp and sudden, a wave of aching clarity crashing over her. Yelena wasn’t pulling away because she wanted distance. She wasn’t looking for an exit. She just didn’t understand that she already belonged there, that Kate didn’t need her to wait, didn’t want her to step back out of politeness or cultural confusion. Yelena was just trying to honour boundaries she didn’t realise didn’t exist.

Kate let out a breath, half sob, half laugh, thick with feeling. “Yelena,” she said, her voice trembling under the weight of something she couldn’t hold back anymore, “it’s not customary to fall in love with the person who tried to kill your mentor either… but I did.”

She hadn’t planned to say it, hadn’t even known it was coming. But the moment it left her mouth, something irreversible shifted in the air around them.

Yelena went still. Every muscle in her body locked up, her spine snapping straight like a string had been yanked. Her hand, still resting loosely in Kate’s, twitched violently then recoiled. Not with force. Not with intent. Just instinct. Sharp, sudden, automatic. Her body reacting before her mind could catch up.

And Kate felt it. The loss of that touch, that small, steady tether, was like ice water rushing over her skin.

Yelena didn’t speak. Didn’t look at her. Her eyes were fixed straight ahead, wide and unfocused, her breath starting to come faster in shallow little pulls. Her shoulders curved inwards slightly, her posture folding in on itself like she was trying to become smaller or bracing for something invisible, something inevitable.

Because in her head, something had already struck. The Red Room wasn’t just a memory, it was a sensation. It was present. It was there in the cold that settled along her spine, in the tightening of her jaw, in the way her heart screamed danger at the idea of being loved. Love had never been something she was allowed to keep. From the moment they’d taken her, she’d been taught that love was weakness. That it would cost her everything.

She remembered the beatings, girls forced to kneel while their bodies were broken for even looking too long at someone with softness in their eyes. She remembered the punishments for loyalty, for comfort, for friendship. And worst of all, she remembered Natasha. The one person she had ever let herself love, and the way it had ended. In death. In unbearable, unfixable loss.

The problem was, Yelena knew she was in love, not in theory, not as some distant concept, but in the quiet, intimate moments that made up life with Kate. She felt it every time Kate touched her without hesitation, every time she laughed mid-argument or dozed off with her head on Yelena’s shoulder like she trusted her with everything. She knew. But she refused to name it. She’d dressed it up as care, loyalty, fondness, softer words, safer ones. Even when Laura had called it what it was, gently and without judgment, Yelena had sidestepped it. Because naming it made it real. Naming it made it dangerous.

Yelena had promised herself she wouldn’t make the same mistake as Natasha. That was why she’d allowed this, allowed herself to have Kate, allowed herself to have them. She’d chosen not to run. She understood now that survival didn’t mean cutting herself off from feeling.

But understanding wasn’t the same as saying it. Actually putting a name to the feeling, and acknowledging it out loud was something else entirely. That word still lit up all the old wires in her brain, still made her skin feel too tight, her chest pound and her body ache. 

But now Kate had said it, and that meant she was loved. It meant it was real. It meant she had something to lose. And no matter how much she wanted it, how much she already had it, the moment the word was spoken, something in her buckled. Because once it was named, it couldn’t be stuffed back into a box.

She didn’t even notice her hand rising to her neck, didn’t register her fingers digging into the pressure points, not hard enough to bruise, but tight. Pressing. Containing. Controlling. Squeezing like she could choke the emotion down, shove it back into the depths where it couldn’t hurt her. 

Until she felt Kate’s hand. 

Kate had reached out, her fingers curling lightly over Yelena’s, gently pulling her hand away from her neck. No pressure. No force. Just touch. Just presence.

“I’m not asking you to say it,” Kate whispered. “I never even meant to… but I’m not going to take it back, Yelena.  And I get it, this is new. Just… take your time.”

Yelena’s eyes flicked to her, and for a moment, she looked lost, undone in a way she rarely allowed herself to be. Her breathing was uneven, eyes glassy and wide, lips parted but unable to form words.

When she finally spoke, her voice was low and hoarse and broken at the edges. “I feel it too,” she whispered, avoiding the words she was still too afraid to say.

Kate smiled, a smile so full of quiet understanding. “I know,” she said simply, like that was enough. “It’s okay.”

And somehow, that warmth in Kate’s gaze anchored Yelena, not like a rescue, not like a cure, but like a rope tied around her waist in the middle of a raging storm. Just enough to keep her tethered. Just enough to remind her she wasn’t lost.

The silence stretched between them, not uncomfortable, but delicate. Yelena had turned the music on low, some indie playlist Kate had made, and was humming faintly along now, her body just a touch looser, her jaw no longer clenched. It looked almost like peace.

But Kate couldn't sit still, a question burned a hole behind her teeth. She tried not to speak. Tried to let it pass like she always did. Eventually, she couldn’t hold it back.

“Lena?” she asked softly, cautiously, after a few minutes.

Yelena flicked her gaze over, eyebrow arched in quiet acknowledgement. “Hmm?”

Kate took a steadying breath, her voice careful. “I wanted to ask you something. I’ve seen it a few times now, and I know I probably shouldn’t… I mean, I get that it’s not my place, maybe it’s just a thing you do and I’m overthinking…I just… if it’s important, I don’t want to keep ignoring it. And you don’t always like talking about things, which is okay, but—”

“Kate,” Yelena interrupted, gently but firmly, “you are rambling. What is it, Little Hawk?”

Kate pressed her lips together, cheeks flushed with tension, and then finally just blurted it out. “Why do you do that thing with your neck?”

The words hung there, naked and vulnerable in the quiet cabin of the car. She forced herself to stay silent after that, to not ramble, to give Yelena space to respond without pressure.

Yelena didn’t answer right away. She inhaled sharply, and for a second it looked like she might speak, her lips parted, her brow tight with thought, but then her phone rang through the car as it was connected, the screen lighting up with an unlisted number. No name. No text. But she knew.

Yelena didn’t hesitate. She reached for the screen on the dashboard, pressing the answer button with a swift motion. Kate noticed the subtle shift in Yelena’s posture, the faintest adjustment, like a wall going up.

Yelena greeted the caller in Russian, her voice smooth and composed. “Privet (Hello),” she said, the word feeling like a barrier between them. Kate’s brow furrowed as she listened, already aware that Yelena was using Russian to keep the conversation private. It wasn’t a new tactic; Yelena had done this before, especially when she couldn't leave the room to speak to whoever it was. It wasn’t malicious, just... practical.

From the speaker, a voice crackled, speaking quickly in Russian. “Vse gotovo. YA zapolnil kholodil'nik i shkafy. Vash Malen'kiy Yastreb budet khorosho podgotovlen na nekotoroye vremya (Everything is ready. I’ve stocked the fridge and cupboards. Your Little Hawk will be well prepared for a while).”

Yelena’s posture softened just slightly at the words, and Kate couldn’t help but watch her closely. She didn’t understand the words, but she could see the change in Yelena’s expression, a relaxation of her features, a small smile that crept onto her lips. It was a look Kate wasn’t used to seeing from Yelena towards someone else. It was... warm.

“Spasibo, sestra. YA tvoy dolzhnik (Thank you, sister. I owe you),” Yelena replied, her voice light, tinged with affection. 

Kate knew sestra meant sister. She’d heard it before when Yelena spoke about Natasha or the other widows. There was something deeply human in the way Yelena referred to them as her sisters. It was a bond Kate didn’t fully understand, but she could feel its significance.

The warmth in Yelena’s voice, however, made Kate feel... left out. She hated the feeling, but there was no denying it. She wanted to know what they were talking about, to share in this private moment, but there was no way to break through the language barrier. Not without understanding Russian, which she didn’t.

The voice from the speaker came again, faster this time. “Ty mne nichego ne dolzhen, eto ya tvoy dolzhnik (You do not owe me anything, I am in your debt).”

Yelena rolled her eyes, a playful sigh escaping her as she responded, “Zatknis'. Ty zhe znayesh', chto eto ne tak (Shut up, you know that’s not true).”

Kate smiled at the teasing tone in Yelena’s voice, but it only made her more curious. Who was this person? And why did Yelena sound so relaxed, so at ease with them? Kate could feel a knot twisting in her chest, that familiar pang of being left out, of not knowing. 

It was clear that this person was someone important to Yelena, someone she was close to. Maybe it was Sonya? Yelena had mentioned Sonya in passing before, especially when talking about her business and mother. But Kate had never heard Sonya’s voice. She couldn’t be sure.

“Nu i ladno, kogda ya smogu uvidet' Malen'kogo Yastreba (Whatever, when can I meet the Little Hawk?)”

Kate noticed Yelena stiffen at the question, her posture tightening, becoming just a little more guarded. There was something about the way she reacted that made Kate wonder what had been said. 

Yelena’s fingers tapped on the steering wheel as she responded, sighing lightly. “YA zavtra zayedu v konspirativnuyu kvartiru, mne nuzhny moi veshchi. Mozhet, ya yeye privezu (I’ll stop by the safe house tomorrow, I need my things. Maybe I’ll bring her).”

Kate tilted her head, trying to piece the conversation together. The words felt like an unsolved puzzle. She could sense the tension in Yelena’s voice, the slight tightness in her shoulders as she spoke. Kate’s concern deepened, though she had no idea what was really going on.

“YA znala, chto ty srazu zhe dvinesh'sya! Chto sluchilos' s ozhidaniyem (I knew you’d move in right away! What happened to waiting?)” The voice on the other end laughed, warm and teasing, and Kate could feel the lightheartedness of the moment, even though she didn’t understand the words. It was clear the person knew Yelena well.

Yelena’s voice softened once again, a faint smile tugging at her lips, but there was something deeper behind it. A sense of resignation, like she was admitting to something she hadn’t planned to. “Ona khotela, chtoby ya ostalsya (She wanted me to stay).”

Kate’s heart skipped at the sudden vulnerability in Yelena’s voice, something that felt rare, especially from someone as guarded as her. She wanted to ask, to check in, something…but before she could, the voice from the speaker came back, more genuine now, though still with a teasing edge. “YA rada za tebya, sestra. Ty etogo zasluzhivayesh' (I’m happy for you, sister. You deserve it).

Yelena’s fingers relaxed on the wheel, her whole body seeming to loosen. The conversation had gone on long enough now that it was beginning to blur together in Kate’s mind, a constant stream of words she couldn’t follow. But there was something comforting about it, the rhythm of Yelena’s voice, even if Kate didn’t understand everything. In that moment, Kate didn’t need to understand. She just needed to be here, next to Yelena, in this quiet, private space.

After a while, Kate’s eyelids grew heavy. She couldn’t keep her focus, the soothing sound of Yelena’s voice and the murmur of the conversation becoming a lullaby of sorts. She curled into her seat, closing her eyes for just a moment, her question from earlier momentarily forgotten. The words faded into the background, and before she knew it, Kate had fallen asleep, comforted by Yelena’s presence even if she couldn’t understand a single thing being said.

-----

They drove through the night and the next day, the road stretching on as Yelena stubbornly refused to let Kate take the wheel, again. Instead, she handed her a snack, gave her knee a reassuring pat, and said with a grin, “Relax, Kate Bishop. I’ve got this.” And she did, all the way. Between eating, blasting music, and teasing Yelena just to see her reaction, Kate let herself drift into short naps to make the journey feel faster. The deep conversations were put on hold for the rest of the journey, but Kate had promised herself she’d ask about the woman, about the strange way Yelena had squeezed her neck, but she’d wait until they were settled.

While Kate slept, Yelena remained ever watchful, her eyes scanning the road with focus. Every now and then, her gaze would flicker over to Kate, her sleeping form a serene image, head resting against the window, lips slightly parted, so peaceful it made Yelena’s chest tighten with something soft and unspoken, a moment she wished she could capture and hold onto forever.

As they finally pulled into the familiar car park by Kate’s old building, Yelena reached over and gave Kate’s hand a gentle squeeze, her touch both comforting and intimate.

“Hey, sleepyhead,” Yelena’s voice was low and soothing, the faintest trace of a smile in her tone. “We’re here.”

Kate’s eyelids fluttered open, her groggy mind scrambling to make sense of her surroundings. She looked out the window and blinked, recognising the familiar car park of her old building. The puzzle pieces clicked together, and a rush of confusion followed.

“Wait…” she mumbled, her voice thick with sleep. “I thought we were going to the penthouse?”

Yelena just looked at her, the faintest glimmer of a proud smirk playing on her lips. She reached across the car, squeezing Kate’s hand with reassuring confidence. “Just trust me.”

Kate frowned, a little disoriented as she followed Yelena out of the car. Lucky happily trotted behind them, his tail wagging as he padded alongside. Kate's body was still fogged with sleep, but a creeping sense of anticipation began to tug at her.

They reached the pizza shop at the bottom of the building, and Kate opened her mouth to say something, but Yelena was already stepping forward, gesturing to a sleek, high-tech panel now seamlessly integrated into the back wall. The old door was now a pantry, and as Yelena placed Kate’s palm against the panel, a faint click sounded, followed by a mechanical hum as the panel scanned her fingerprints, then her retina in one smooth motion (courtesy of the Bishop securities database).

“Wait. Hold on. Yelena, this… this wasn’t here before,” Kate said, her voice cracking with disbelief as she took in the new tech. “You did this…? While we were in Iowa? I mean, who did this? How?”

Yelena’s smirk was almost playful, but there was something deeper in her eyes. “I had some help. I pulled in many favours.” She then smirked. “Plus, I’m just really good,” she added, winking.

“And always so modest,” Kate chuckled, but she couldn’t help but feel her heart constrict at the thought that Yelena had pulled in favours, all for her.

Yelena didn’t answer. She just grinned as she pushed open the secondary door that led to the stairs and the loft. As they walked in, Kate saw that every surface gleamed like new, the walls freshly painted. Kate’s breath hitched as they stepped inside, and her eyes swept over the space in wonder. It wasn’t just restored, it was better. Her favourite purples touched everything, from the throw pillows to the plush area rug beneath the sleek, modern couch.

“It’s… It’s perfect,” Kate breathed, barely able to get the words out.

Yelena’s grin only grew wider as she led her inside fully, Lucky bounding past in excitement. “Check this out,” she said, tapping another discreet panel by the door. A series of sleek monitors lit up, displaying live feeds from cameras placed at every angle outside the building. “Full perimeter surveillance. Motion sensors. Fingerprint and retina locks, only yours work until you give other people access.” She gestured to the windows proudly. “Bulletproof, blast-resistant glass. Top of the line. Thermal and acoustic insulation too. No one listens, no one shoots. And no one’s getting in without you knowing. Not even me.”

Kate’s jaw dropped slightly as she ran her fingers along the panel. “Oh my God…”

“That’s not all,” Yelena continued, excitement bubbling in her voice as she guided Kate toward the kitchen. “Your kitchen, enlarged. You may actually be able to cook now!”

Kate laughed breathlessly, still overwhelmed. She noted the polished countertops, the double oven, the neatly arranged cupboards, and then Yelena threw open a drawer full of neatly stacked, gleaming cutlery.

“A normal amount of forks,” Yelena quipped, looking far too pleased with herself. “You are welcome.”

Kate let out a disbelieving laugh. “I am one person!”

Yelena rolled her eyes, folding her arms. “Maybe so, but it was sad, Kate Bishop. Pathetic, really. Your guests need cutlery!”

Kate couldn’t stop the laugh that bubbled up from her chest, the sound bright and warm in a way that Yelena had sorely missed. They moved on to the living area, where Kate’s eyes grew impossibly wider at the sight of the colossal TV mounted on the wall, flanked by sleek bookcases and shelves filled with games and consoles.

“Okay, now you’re just showing off,” Kate teased, a smile tugging at her lips.

Yelena shrugged, though her grin remained. “Maybe a little.”

Kate turned to her, eyes still bright with wonder, but now tinged with something softer, something deeper. “Why did you do all this?”

Yelena’s smile faltered, softening into something far more serious as she met Kate’s gaze. The playfulness slipped away from her expression, replaced by a quiet intensity. “Because you didn’t need to go back to that penthouse,” she said, her voice low but firm, like a promise. “You needed somewhere that feels like you. Somewhere safe. Somewhere that is yours and not your mother’s.”

Kate’s heart skipped a beat. The words hit harder than she’d expected, a weight in her chest that she hadn’t anticipated. Without even realising it, she was moving toward Yelena. She looked at Yelena, really looked at her, as if trying to see through her, through everything, to understand the woman standing before her.

“Somewhere that is ours, Yelena,” she said softly, the words almost breathless, as if admitting them meant something bigger than she could express.

Yelena’s eyes widened, and she beamed, that signature smile returning for a brief, bright moment. “Then yes, somewhere that is ours, Kate Bishop,” she replied, the lightness in her voice betraying how much this meant to her, too. 

The room around them felt suddenly too small, and Kate found herself staring at Yelena, really staring as if seeing her for the first time. The kindness, the care, the ways she’d pulled Kate from the brink, giving her a home, a life, a future. Yelena had been a force of nature, coming out of nowhere to fix what Kate couldn’t even see. She’d pulled her back from the darkest corners, from her loneliest thoughts.

Kate blinked hard, fighting the surge of emotion that threatened to spill over. She didn’t have the words, but she couldn’t stand the silence any longer. “Seriously, Lena…” Kate’s voice cracked, and she quickly cleared her throat, trying again, her tone quieter but far more earnest. “Thank you for this. You have no idea how much this means to me. Everything you’ve done… I don’t even know how to… I don’t know how to tell you how much it’s all changed things for me.”

Yelena’s eyes softened, the smile she’d been wearing slipping into something more tender, something full of understanding. “Anything for you, my Little Hawk,” she murmured, the affection in her voice sending a flutter through Kate’s chest.

But Kate couldn’t stand it anymore. Yelena had done so much, had been there when Kate felt like she was losing everything, when she was too lost in her own darkness to see what was right in front of her. It wasn’t just about the apartment. It wasn’t just about the things Yelena had fixed or done for her. It was about everything.

She reached for Yelena, her hands finding the soft curve of her face, and without thinking, without hesitation, she pulled her in. Their lips met, hard and urgent, and Kate felt a fire she hadn’t even known was there. A hunger, raw and desperate, as if everything she’d been holding back in her chest was finally spilling over, everything Yelena had been to her, everything she was to her.

Yelena’s breath caught in her throat, her body freezing for a brief moment before she melted into Kate’s touch, her hands threading into Kate’s hair as she kissed her back with an equal, frantic intensity. The kiss was desperate, untamed, as if they both needed it more than air. The world around them seemed to disappear, the hum of the city outside, the quiet of the room, all of it was swallowed up by the storm of passion between them. 

Their kiss deepened, messy and heated, every touch igniting something in both of them, something that they could no longer ignore. Kate’s fingers tightened on Yelena’s face, as if to hold her there, to keep her in this moment. Yelena was precious to her in ways Kate couldn’t quite explain, but she didn’t need to; she felt it in the way their lips met, in the urgency of their movements.

They lost themselves in each other, yet again. This was nothing new, another stolen moment in a week filled with them since they’d started dating, but this time it felt different. More intense. They both knew why. Neither of them had let it go further than this, hadn’t crossed that line yet out of respect for Clint, for the family. But here, with their bodies pressed together, hands roaming with an urgency that spoke volumes, it was as if they couldn’t hold back any longer, and they didn't have to. 

Kate’s heart was pounding in her chest, her senses overwhelmed by the feel of Yelena’s body under her hands, her lips, her breath. And then, before she even realised it, she had Yelena pressed against the wall. The soft thud of her spine hitting the surface barely registered as Kate pinned her there, deepening the kiss, drowning in the connection.

Yelena’s breath came in quick, shallow bursts, her chest rising and falling against Kate’s. They were both gasping for air, the heat between them building to a point where it felt like they might combust.

“Yebat'(Fuck), Kate,” Yelena rasped, her voice rough and full of pure want, her accent thicker than usual, her eyes dark with need.

Kate, of course, knew what that word meant, and she grinned against her lips, teasing and mischievous. She nipped at Yelena’s bottom lip before pulling back just enough to speak, her voice low and deliciously dangerous. “Maybe you should show me our new bedroom,” she murmured, a teasing lilt to her words.

What Kate didn’t expect, what made her stomach flip and heat pool low in her belly was the soft, helpless sound that escaped Yelena’s lips. A whine. A genuine, needy, utterly unguarded whine, thick with frustration and arousal.

Kate’s eyes darkened instantly, her grin sharpening into something positively wicked. “Mmm… that’s a new sound,” she teased, her breath hot against Yelena’s flushed skin. “I want to hear it again.”

Yelena groaned, her cheeks burning crimson as she threw her head back against the wall with a breathless laugh. She’d grown far too fond of this side of Kate, this confident, commanding Kate that only emerged in moments like these, when they were teetering on the edge of losing control.

Kate’s chest swelled with heat and affection, her fingers lacing through Yelena’s as she tugged her away from the wall. “Come with me, baby,” she whispered, her voice dark and sultry but still threaded with something so warm it made Yelena’s heart ache.

As Kate led her towards the stairs, she glanced over her shoulder with a smirk. “I assume it’s in the same place? Or did you make a secret bunker somewhere in the remodel?”

Yelena’s brain had entirely melted by this point, and all she could do was nod again, swallowing thickly. Her mouth felt too dry to form words, her body thrumming with a pulse that only grew louder as they climbed the stairs together.

-----

By the time they stumbled into the bedroom, both of them breathless from their kisses and laughter, everything outside their small bubble felt like it had vanished. Yelena kicked the door shut behind them, ensuring that Lucky would not disturb them, but before she could say a word, Kate was already on top of her, pushing her back onto the bed with a grin.

Yelena’s breath hitched, the sudden shift in energy leaving her momentarily stunned. Kate hovered over her, their eyes locking, as if silently asking permission. And Yelena, her pulse racing, couldn’t look away, she just nodded. Without another thought, Kate leaned down, her lips crashing into Yelena’s with an intensity that left them both breathless, dizzy. 

Their bodies tangled together on the plush bedspread, both of them fumbling with clothes in a rush. Kate’s hands were relentless, slipping beneath Yelena’s shirt, fingers grazing over skin that seemed to spark beneath her touch. Yelena’s own hands were equally desperate, tugging at the hem of Kate’s shirt, her fingers shaking with need as they explored her back, the heat between them thickening with every movement until they were both bare to one another.

Kate’s lips moved down, her kisses now trailing over Yelena’s jaw and neck, slow and deliberate. Yelena arched under her, gasping at the soft press of her mouth against her skin. Every kiss sent a shiver through her, every caress deepening the tension that had been simmering for so long. Kate’s breath was hot against her ear, her voice a low, teasing whisper. “You are always so easy to rile up, Belova.”

Yelena's body reacted without thinking, her hands finding Kate’s shoulders and pulling her closer. “You are so cocky,” Yelena managed to say, though her voice wavered with the heat of the moment. “Just remember, I can turn the tables if I want.” Her tone was confident, but her breathless state betrayed her.

Kate smirked, a low laugh escaping her lips. She trailed a finger down Yelena’s neck, drawing patterns on her skin, before letting her finger slip lower, following the curve of her collarbone. “You probably could, but you won’t…” Kate’s voice was teasing, almost knowing. She paused, her gaze locking with Yelena’s as she let her words hang in the air. “Because you like this, don’t you, baby?”

Yelena swallowed hard, the change in Kate almost intoxicating. She couldn’t understand how Kate switched into such a confident, cocky version of herself when, in any other situation, she was a shy, rambling mess. But this side of Kate always did something to Yelena, igniting a fire she couldn't deny. Her cheeks burned red, her breath hitching, but she tried to force herself to appear unaffected. Rolling her eyes, she huffed, "Shut up, and get on with it."

Kate laughed, the sound deep and satisfying. She didn’t wait for another word before lowering her lips to Yelena’s neck, kissing her with a new intensity that had Yelena shivering. Kate’s lips trailed down, her kisses lingering on the sensitive skin of Yelena’s collarbone, while her hands continued to roam, slow and deliberate, exploring every inch of her.

“You can be patient, right? This is the first time I get to properly explore,” Kate murmured with a crooked grin, mischief curling the corners of her lips as she hovered over Yelena, her breath warm against flushed skin as she pressed a kiss beneath her jaw, then another lower down, tracing the edge of her neck with a kind of affection that felt almost reverent.

Yelena arched into her instinctively, breath hitching, her whole body already strung tight with anticipation. “Don’t want to be patient,” she whispered, voice hoarse with need, dragging Kate back down by her neck into a kiss that was far from gentle. It was messy and clumsy and real, teeth clashing, tongues tangling, fingers fisted in dark hair like she could hold her there forever.

But Kate was determined. She eased back with a smile so soft it nearly undid Yelena completely. Her hands roamed with purpose, trailing slowly over ribs, stomach, sides, like she was mapping her inch by inch. Each scar was kissed like a vow, every freckle noted. Kate treated them like something sacred, something beautiful.

So when her lips brushed lower, when she reached the scar just beneath Yelena’s abdomen, a thin line drawn by hands that had taken without permission, she didn’t even pause. She just kissed it, tender as all the others, because she didn’t know that this one was different.

And Yelena went still.

Her entire body locked, chest rising too fast, fists curling into the sheets. It felt like being split open, raw and exposed and suddenly sixteen again, back in that cold room with the sterile light and voices that told her what would happen to her body.

“No.” The word broke from her like a snap, sharp and cutting and so much heavier than it should have been.

Kate pulled back instantly, her eyes wide, concern flooding her expression like a wave. “Baby?” she said, voice low and careful, no longer playful. “What’s wrong?”

Yelena couldn’t speak for a second. Her jaw clenched. Her gaze was locked on the ceiling, like if she just stared hard enough, she could blink herself into somewhere else. “Not there,” she said finally, the words tight and quiet.

Kate froze. Her hands stilled above Yelena’s skin, her breath catching in her throat as she tried to understand. It was just a scar, like so many others…but something about this one… something clearly hurt.

“Oh.” Kate’s voice dropped instantly, all the mischief draining from her like it had never been there. “Okay. I hear you. I won’t do that again. I’m sorry.”

Yelena gave a small, silent nod, still staring up at the ceiling, her body taut with tension. Her chest rose and fell in shallow, uneven breaths, panic clawing just beneath the surface as her hand lifted to her neck, her pointer finger and thumb squeezing as she forced herself to calm down in the only way she knew how.

Kate didn’t move right away. She stayed still, watching her, eyes soft with worry. Then, slowly, she began to ease back, every motion quiet, deliberate, like she was backing away from a startled animal. “Hey,” she said gently, voice barely above a whisper as she shifted to the side. “Let’s get comfy, yeah? We can put something dumb on and just… curl up for a bit. I’ll make popcorn. Extra butter.”

But before she could fully move away, Yelena’s hand moved from her neck and caught her wrist, quick and firm, not with force, but with something urgent. “Wait,” she said, eyes darting to meet Kate’s. There was confusion there. Guilt. Fear. “I’m sorry, Kate. I didn’t mean to ruin the mood.” Her voice wavered. “You… you don’t want to carry on?”

Kate’s expression crumpled, not with frustration, but with heartbreak. Gentle, unexpected heartbreak. She sank back down, her hand immediately going to Yelena’s face, cupping her cheek. “God, no. Lena, you didn’t ruin anything,” she whispered. “You said no. That’s all I need to hear. I didn’t want to keep going if you weren’t okay. All I care about is your comfort.”

Yelena stared at her, confusion swirling in her eyes. The words were so simple. So ordinary. But they struck something deep inside her. No one had ever asked her what she wanted. But Kate had stopped. Had offered her an out. Had given her something Yelena wasn’t sure she even knew how to accept.

A choice.

And it felt… powerful.

Her throat bobbed as she swallowed hard. Her eyes lifted. They were glassy, but steady now. There was still fear in them, but there was strength too. “I still want to,” she said, quiet but sure. “I just… I needed to say no to that. Not everything.”

Kate blinked, almost startled by the honesty in her voice. Her hand was still on Yelena’s cheek, thumb brushing gently beneath her eye. “You sure?” she asked softly, searching her face for even the slightest doubt. “Promise me you will tell me to stop if you aren't okay?” 

Yelena nodded, eyes steady now, voice low but sure. “I’m sure, and I promise,” she breathed, before tugging Kate back on top of her like she weighed nothing at all, like she belonged there. The kiss that followed was immediate, demanding, and so full of want it almost hurt. Yelena deepened it instantly, hands fisted in Kate’s hair, her trust spilling out through every breathless sound she made, every desperate press of her mouth to Kate’s. The lust was building, yes, but so was something warmer, quieter. Something safe.

They were both panting by the time Kate pulled away, her lips flushed, her pupils so blown the blue of her eyes had almost vanished. She stared down at Yelena like she was trying to commit her to memory, before her smirk slowly returned. “In that case,” Kate murmured, her voice playful and husky all at once, “if you still want to… I think you should say please.”

Yelena scoffed, narrowing her eyes despite how wrecked she already sounded. “I am not going to beg you, Kate. I’m not that desperate.”

It was, quite obviously, a lie. Kate’s grin deepened. “Fine,” she said sweetly, and began to shift down her body, settling between Yelena’s thighs with deliberate slowness. She met Yelena’s gaze, checking, and when Yelena gave the faintest nod, she dipped her head and pressed a kiss to the inside of her thigh.

Then another. And another. She trailed kisses down to Yelena’s knees, then back up, maddeningly slow, never quite where Yelena needed her most. All the while, her eyes stayed locked on Yelena’s face, watching the way her breath hitched, the way her fingers twisted in the sheets, her hips shifting helplessly.

“Just one little word,” Kate whispered between kisses, voice feather-light. “All you gotta do is say please, baby.”

Yelena whined and tried her best not to sound utterly undone. But Kate’s mouth was unrelenting, brushing kisses along the sensitive skin of her thighs until she was squirming, her restraint unravelling thread by thread.

Finally, after what felt like forever, Yelena muttered it, it was so quiet, guttural, almost a growl. “Please.”

Kate’s head snapped up with mock innocence. “Hmm? What was that?”

Yelena glared at her through flushed cheeks and clenched teeth. “I said, please.”

And Kate beamed like she’d just won the lottery. “See? That wasn’t so hard.”

“You are insufferable,” Yelena muttered, trying not to smile, failing entirely.

Kate chuckled as she finally leaned in, hands firm at Yelena’s hips to hold her still. “You really shouldn’t say that to the one person who’s about to give you everything you want.”

With that, Kate moved down further as she pushed Yelena’s legs further apart gaining a perfect view of Yelena’s cunt that was glistening for her. “So wet for me, baby girl”, she whispered, almost reverently, as if seeing this was something holy. 

Yelena blushed, her cheeks flushing even more than they had been previously. Between the teasing and the begging, Yelena was already completely flustered, but hearing those words from Kate’s mouth sent her reeling. 

Kate leaned in to place a long teasing lick right down her slit. Kate moaned from the taste while Yelena’s hips jolted up, begging for more friction, more pressure, something.

Kate understood, and her hands came up, around the back of Yelena’s thighs, before roughly pulling Yelena’s centre closer to her face. Yelena didn't even get a chance to react before Kate’s mouth was back on her, her face stuffed into Yelena’s cunt, eating her like a woman starved. 

Yelena’s hips moved instinctively, chasing every flicker of contact, the friction and heat mounting with each pulse of pleasure. Her breath came in ragged gasps, and her fingers curled tightly in Kate’s hair, anchoring herself to something as the pressure inside her climbed higher. But it still wasn’t enough. She needed more. 

“Please, Kate,” she gasped, the words breaking from her lips in a desperate, breathless whimper. “I need more.”

Kate slowed, just slightly, pulling back enough to look up at her, and when she did? That look on Yelena’s face, flushed, open, and trembling on the edge of something vast. It knocked the wind out of her for a second. But then the smirk returned, dark and teasing, because Kate was helpless to resist just how beautiful Yelena was when she was falling apart like this.

“More?” Kate repeated, her voice low, teasing as it vibrated against Yelena’s skin. “So needy, maybe I should stop altogether, hm?”

Yelena let out a frustrated, wrecked little noise, a half-whine, half growl as her hips jerked again, seeking out the contact that had been so cruelly interrupted. Her hands tugged at Kate’s hair in protest, begging her to continue.

Kate’s smirk widened, pleased and playful and just a little bit wicked, as she let her hands glide slowly up Yelena’s trembling thighs, fingertips brushing deliberately light, making her shiver. “Can you tell me exactly what you need?” she asked, voice low and velvet-smooth, laced with challenge. 

Yelena groaned, dragging a hand over her face like she could hide the sheer need pulsing through her body. She wasn’t used to this, to wanting like this, but Kate had made it feel like she could be that. Like she wouldn’t be judged for wanting, for craving, for falling apart beneath someone who looked at her like she was something to be cherished.

Still, the words stuck. They caught in her throat, thick and humiliating, and her pride, sharp and stubborn kicked back even as her hips lifted again, searching. “You know what I need,” she said finally, her voice rough, teeth clenched around the edge of a growl.

Kate only laughed, warm and maddening and far too pleased with herself. “Oh, I do,” she said sweetly, fingers ghosting closer, brushing just shy of where Yelena was aching. “But I want to hear you say it.”

Yelena let out a shaking breath, her eyes fluttering shut as her head tilted back into the pillows. She was blushing furiously now, half from frustration, half from how undone she felt under Kate’s touch, her voice, her goddamn grin. 

“I need your fingers,” she said finally, hoarse and broken, her jaw tight like it cost her something. “I need you to fuck me with your fingers, okay? Is that what you wanted to hear?”

Kate blinked. Then, slowly, she grinned, soft, stunned, and absolutely wrecked by the admission. “Jesus Christ, Yelena,” she breathed, the cocky smirk dissolving into something much, much hungrier. “Yeah, that’ll do it. That is exactly what I wanted.”

And with that, she sank back down, and this time, there was no teasing. No pulling away. Her mouth attached to Yelena’s clit, as her fingers dropped lower to ghost above her entrance. Seeking out consent one final time, Kate looked into Yelena’s eyes, but found nothing but pure, unbridled hunger staring back at her, so Kate made her move. 

Kate pushed two fingers deep inside, filling her completely without another thought. Yelena squeezed her eyes shut, the sensation overwhelming, and a raw, unfiltered moan tore from her lips before she could stop it. 

Kate’s voice came next, it was low, sultry, and coaxing like a velvet drag down her spine. “Open your eyes for me, baby,” she murmured, her breath hot against Yelena’s skin. “I want to see you fall apart. I want to watch it happen.”

The words hit Yelena like a spark to dry kindling, a fresh wave of heat rolling through her as her lashes fluttered open, eyes locking with Kate’s like she couldn’t look anywhere else.

“Good girl,” Kate purred, her voice a rich, honeyed drawl.

Yelena’s body betrayed her instantly, her cunt clenched onto Kate’s fingers, her hips twitching, breath stuttering, her fingers tightening in Kate’s hair.

Kate noticed. Of course she noticed. Her grin turned downright sinful. “Ohhh,” she drawled, her tone dripping with delight. “You like that, huh? You like it when I praise you, pretty girl?”

Yelena huffed, rolling her eyes in a half-hearted attempt to seem unaffected, but it was hopeless. Kates fingers were pumping inside her, curling at just the right spot, and whenever she wasnt speaking, her tongue was attached to her clit. 

Every shift, every movement sent Yelena’s body twisting and arching, betraying her with each desperate motion. Kate’s soft chuckle vibrated against her skin, only making things worse. And what made it even harder for Yelena to deny was the heat, the flush that spread from her chest to her cheeks, a deep, vivid red that smouldered under Kate’s gaze.

Kate raised an eyebrow, a quiet, knowing challenge in her expression. It was all it took. Yelena gave in. She nodded, small and embarrassed, but there was no hiding the way her body still trembled, the way her lips parted in silent surrender.

Kate chuckled darkly, the sound vibrating through the air like a promise of more to come. Her lips brushed the inside of Yelena’s thigh, sending a shiver through her body. “Yeah… that’s what I thought,” Kate purred, her voice low and teasing, before she doubled her efforts.

Yelena’s breath hitched, and her hands clenched the sheets beneath her, her fingers digging into the fabric in an attempt to ground herself. Every inch of her skin burned, every nerve ending alive with sensation. She couldn’t stop the moans and whines pouring out of her mouth, the screams of ecstasy. 

At one point, all that could be heard was a chant of “uh, uh, uh,” Yelena couldn’t seem to catch her breath, couldn’t focus on anything but Kate, the way she moved, the way she made her feel like she was unravelling, thread by thread. 

Kate’s attention was unrelenting, each movement deliberate, bringing Yelena to the edge, and then pulling her back. And Kate loved it. Loved the power she held, loved how Yelena’s body responded like a beautiful, fragile thing, desperate for release.

“Please, Kate,” Yelena breathed, her voice shaky with a mix of need and frustration. The overwhelming sensation inside her made it hard to think clearly, but the ache was undeniable, her body demanding release.

Kate’s eyes softened as she watched Yelena, noticing the way her chest rose and fell with each breath. “Please, what?” she asked, her voice gentle but teasing, coaxing her without pressure.

Yelena shut her eyes briefly, trying to push the overwhelming emotions away, but it was no use. She wasn’t entirely sure what she needed to feel complete, or how to get there, but she knew she was in safe hands with Kate. “I just…I wanna cum, Kate. Please. Please!” she whined.

Kate’s lips curled into a knowing smile as she shifted slightly, but still continuing her assault on Yelena’s cunt with her fingers, her voice was light. “Look at you, so reluctant to beg earlier, and now look. What happened to turning the tables, hmm?” she teased, but her tone was softer now. 

Yelena didn’t have the strength to argue, her body aching with a need she couldn’t express. She felt vulnerable, her breath hitching as she spoke again, quieter this time. “I can’t… I just need… please,” she whispered, the words a quiet plea that broke through the walls she’d built up.

Kate kept up her pace with her fingers, using her thumb to apply the right amount of pressure to Yelena’s clit in place of her mouth as she instead placed kisses all over Yelena’s chest and neck. She knew Yelena was close, she could feel it, and she would make damn sure that Yelena fell over that edge. 

“You’re doing so well for me, Lena. So, so well,” Kate whispered, her voice thick with pride and affection as she leaned up and pressed a gentle kiss to her lips. “Just a little more, baby.” 

Yelena nodded, the motion small but desperate, her eyes locked onto Kate’s with a silent plea that said everything her voice couldn’t. There was a raw intensity in her gaze, wide, glassy, full of longing, like she was holding on by a thread and trusting Kate to catch her. 

Instead of pleading, instead of making noise like she had previously, Yelena went quiet. Every breath she took shuddered through her, her body drawn tight like a bowstring, trembling as she edged closer and closer to the precipice.

Kate's expression softened, reverent and awed all at once. She brushed a hand across Yelena’s cheek, her thumb tracing lightly along her jaw. “I’ve got you,” she murmured again, steady and certain. “Just let go. I’m right here.”

Yelena’s fingers clutched at the sheets, at Kate, anything she could find to ground herself in that moment. Her heart was pounding. Her skin felt like it was glowing, every nerve lit up and singing with sensation.

And when Yelena finally tipped over the edge, the silence ended, her cry was loud, it was raw, vibrating through the loft like something that had never been given space before now. Something Kate had pulled from her with nothing but gentleness and fire.

Kate felt a wave of quiet satisfaction wash over her as she watched the serenity settle over Yelena’s face, the tension in her body slowly giving way to something softer, calmer. There was a kind of wonder in the way her features relaxed, eyes half-lidded and lips parted with the ghost of a breathless smile. 

Kate slowed instinctively, giving Yelena time to ride the climax she had just experienced, not wanting to rush a single second of it, just soaking in the sight of someone she adored looking so at peace, so safe.

But then Yelena let out a faint, breathy whine and gave her a gentle push, not forceful, just a nudge, a signal, her body speaking for her when her mouth clearly could not. 

Kate’s smile softened into something tender the moment she felt Yelena’s gentle nudge. There was no hesitation, no teasing left, just quiet understanding. She moved slowly, carefully, as if handling something fragile, pulling out and easing back with deliberate grace to give Yelena space to breathe. Then she leaned in and pressed the lightest kiss to Yelena’s cheek, her lips lingering there just a moment longer than necessary.

She gathered Yelena into her arms like she was something rare, something irreplaceable. Kate’s arms circled her gently but securely, holding her close in that space between passion and peace, where only comfort remained.

Yelena curled in tighter without a word, seeking warmth and safety in Kate’s embrace. One arm snaked tightly around Kate’s waist, the other sliding under her, anchoring them together. Their legs tangled naturally beneath the blankets, like they’d always belonged that way.

Yelena’s breathing was still uneven, her chest rising and falling as her heart gradually settled. Her lashes were damp, her eyes glassy, the storm inside her quieting but not quite gone. And yet, somewhere in the haze, she managed a small, breathless laugh, almost disbelieving. “I hate you a little bit,” she whispered, voice hoarse and teasing, though there was no heat behind it.

Kate grinned against her skin, smug in the gentlest way, her mouth brushing over Yelena’s temple before pressing a kiss just beside her eyebrow. The kiss was full of fondness, warmth, and a quiet pride, like she already knew the truth. “No, you don’t,” she whispered, her breath soft against Yelena’s skin.

Yelena sighed through her smile, her body still tucked close, utterly relaxed in Kate’s arms. “...Yeah. No, I don’t.” The words came easier now, her voice laced with affection, and she no longer felt the need to hide. And then, just like that, her expression shifted, her smirk returning with full force as her eyes darkened with something playful and deliberate.

“Now it’s my turn,” she said, and before Kate could react, Yelena slipped from her hold and rolled on top of her in one smooth motion, straddling her with ease.

Kate let out a surprised laugh, half startled, half delighted. Her hands instinctively found Yelena’s hips, holding her there like she never wanted to let go. “I’m not going to say no,” she breathed, eyes wide and completely captivated. 

-----

They spent the rest of the night in a tangle of sheets, laughter, moans and soft gasps, taking turns exploring and exchanging every bit of pent-up tension that had built between them. There was no rush, no expectations. Just hands and lips and whispered words, shared breath and flushed skin, tangled limbs and slow-burning smiles. 

By the time they collapsed into the pillows, limbs heavy and tangled, Yelena was barely conscious, a soft, sleepy smile tugging at her lips as she blinked up at the ceiling. Her body was boneless, spent, and thoroughly satisfied. She expected to fall asleep right there, curled into the sheets, too exhausted to move.

But Kate wasn’t done. Kate slowly untangled herself, rising onto one elbow. She didn’t say anything at first, just studied Yelena’s face with a softness in her eyes that made Yelena's stomach flip. Then she leaned in, brushed a kiss to her temple, and quietly said, “Need to get cleaned up, beautiful.”

Yelena frowned, too tired to understand. “What?”

Kate didn’t answer with words. Instead, she carefully scooped her up, one arm under her knees, the other behind her shoulders, lifting her from the bed like it was nothing. Yelena made a startled sound, half-protest, half-laugh. “Kate, you don’t have to—”

“I want to,” Kate interrupted gently, adjusting her hold as she carried her across the room. Her voice was calm, sure, as if it wasn’t even a question. “Let me take care of you.”

That silenced Yelena completely. The bathroom light was soft and low, Kate nudged the door open with her foot and carefully lowered Yelena onto the edge of the tub while reaching for the taps. The bath was quick but comforting, warm water, gentle touches, Kate making sure every bit of her was taken care of without a single complaint. There was something quietly intimate about it, the way Kate wrapped her hair up into a messy bun to keep it dry, how she kissed the top of her head when she sank deeper into the water.

Later, wrapped in fresh towels and then swapped for oversized sleep shirts and soft pyjama bottoms, they found their way back to bed. Kate slipped in first and opened her arms without a word. Yelena didn’t hesitate. She crawled in close, curling up against her, head tucked under Kate’s chin. Kate’s arms came around her immediately, holding her close, like something too precious to let go. Yelena felt her body ache with that pleasant kind of exhaustion as she settled down.

Yelena lay in silence, her breathing slow and even but still not quite settled. Her cheek was pressed over Kate’s heart, the steady thrum of it grounding her in a way she didn’t have words for. Her fingers curled into the hem of Kate’s shirt, holding it like an anchor, tight, like she didn’t trust it to stay unless she kept it close. The cotton was warm against her skin, familiar and safe, and Kate’s arms around her didn’t loosen, not even a little. If anything, they tightened. Like a shield. Like a promise.

Kate held her like she was something fragile but not broken, like she wasn’t afraid of the sharp edges. And that was what stunned Yelena more than anything, not the night, not the vulnerability or the touches or the laughter, it was this. The quiet after. The weight of being held and knowing that someone wanted to. That someone chose to.

Her voice came out barely more than a whisper, hesitant and raw. “Kate?”

Kate didn’t open her eyes. She didn’t need to. Her hand moved slowly, brushing over Yelena’s spine, steady and reassuring. “Mm?”

There was a pause. Yelena swallowed hard. “…Why’d you do all that?”

Kate’s brows knit together, just slightly, her gaze drifting over the darkened ceiling as she let the question settle in her chest. It caught her off guard, not because she didn’t know the answer, but because it hadn’t even occurred to her to question it. 

Of course she’d done all that. Of course she’d carried Yelena to the bath, washed her hair, held her close. To her, it was instinct. Care shouldn’t have to be earned. Yelena mattered, was hers and of course she deserved softness after everything.

But the longer Kate sat with the question, the heavier it became. The implication behind it. The quiet disbelief in Yelena’s voice. That no one else had done this for her. That no one else had ever stayed after the storm passed and chosen to make her feel safe after. And that hurt, deep and low in Kate’s chest like something sharp had been pressed against her heart.

She shifted slowly, lowering her head with purpose, with care, and pressed a kiss to the crown of Yelena’s head. Gentle, reverent. Like a promise. When she finally spoke, her voice was soft but steady, full of unshaken certainty. Like she’d been carrying the words with her all night, waiting for the right moment to give them breath.

“Because you matter to me. Because I want you to be comfortable.” She let her fingers curl around Yelena’s side a little tighter, grounding both of them. “And because someone should have done this for you already. But clearly they didn’t. So I will.”

Yelena didn’t move, didn’t say anything at first. But something shifted in her, something deep and unfamiliar that she couldn’t name. She blinked fast, her throat suddenly tight, and then slowly, like her body made the decision before her mind caught up, she burrowed closer, hiding her face in the hollow of Kate’s chest. Her fingers gripped tighter in the fabric, and her other hand slipped around Kate’s waist, pulling her in like she was trying to crawl inside her skin.

“…You’re such a sap,” she mumbled, the words muffled but not unkind.

Kate grinned, her lips brushing her hairline. “Takes one to know one.”

They didn’t speak after that. They didn’t need to. Words would’ve only cluttered the quiet, and what passed between them now didn’t require sound. The silence wrapped around them like something sacred, thick with comfort, with trust, with the unspoken knowledge that for once, they didn’t have to keep their guards up. That they were safe, here, with each other.

Kate’s hand moved in lazy, gentle patterns across Yelena’s back, fingertips tracing soothing lines like she was trying to memorise her. And slowly, with every breath they shared, their bodies grew heavier, hearts syncing in rhythm until even the shadows in the room seemed to exhale. Sleep found them like that, curled into each other, peaceful, held.

-----

A/N: So, they’re back in New York! They’ve had some important conversations, Kate’s said "I love you" (and definitely noticed the significance of the neck thing), and most importantly….drumroll please….they’ve finally done the deed! Whoop whoop. The fire is officially burning. Anyway, in the next chapter, we’ve got a surprise visit from someone who meddles, leading to Kate seeing a side of Yelena that she’s tried to keep buried. It could either bring them closer or tear everything apart…but either way, it will be angsty, so strap in.

Part 6

[miscelliteeous]

SO it turns out I have even more thoughts on him than I realized, like I wrote 14k words about him and I still have so much more to say so here’s some headcanons that didn’t really fit anywhere. NOT WORKSAFE, but this covers a wide range of topics, with the nsfw stuff being only like 1/4th of them.

Adam Frankenstein Headcanons

- General:

He’s a stew guy, like that’d be his go-to meal if he could have it. He likes that no matter what it always tastes a little different than the last time and how easily it can be modified with different ingredients plus it warms him and makes him feel cared for.

Gets cold easily and gets colder than most people can handle, though he still prefers to be wrapped up in something warm.

His voice is deep and can vary between gravelly and raspy, though it gets a tiny bit higher when he’s upset or extremely passionate about something.

Tends to mutter under his breath and talk to himself a little when he’s working on figuring out something complicated.

He can be a bit impulsive and it often bites him in the ass, but he’s working on it.

Has absolutely NO care for looking how men are expected to look at that time in society.

His hair gets very poofy and wavy when it’s taken out of a wet braid.

He has thin skin, and though he heals relatively quickly, he also scars very easily and bleeds easily too.

Will read anything and everything he can get his hands on. He wants to learn about the world as much as possible.

His favorite fiction genre is romance, and he likes big, toxic all-consuming romances and thinks they’re the height of romance. He’s a Heathcliff stan (hey, he’s gotta have SOME bad qualities, am I right?).

Not the best at singing, can’t really stay on tune, but he enjoys singing when happy and alone. Gets very embarrassed if caught.

Animals either adore him or despise him, there is no in-between.

Has a habit of slouching over when standing, to seem just a little shorter.

Feels emotions very intensely. He’s never just sad, he’s devastated, he’s never just angry, he’s furious, he’s never just happy, he’s overjoyed. It’s something he’s working on.

- Romantic:

He has a habit of staring at the one he loves for a long time, blinking very minimally.

Adam doesn’t like to be far away from you, and will follow you around like a lost puppy.

Very much would prefer to have some part of him touching you at all times, usually handholding.

Takes him a while to get used to you touching him as opposed to him touching you, but once he does, he melts.

Braid his hair! It’s practical, its cute, it says fuck you to fashion trends of the time, and it’d make him smile. Braid! His! Hair!

Loves the idea of helping out with mundane tasks, like he’ll cook and sew and be so very gentle when brushing your hair.

Uses so many little terms of endearments, the more reverence they show to you the better. He wants you to know he puts you on a pedestal and practically worships you.

One thing that will piss him off quickly (unless you’ve maybe asked him to please hold back ahead of time) is someone insulting you. He’d be ready to go off on them in a scary way within seconds.

Ideal sleeping position: curled up around you like a pill-bug. He’s big enough that he can probably wrap his body entirely around you and would want to do that every night if he could. Horrible for both of your backs.

If you braid his hair (which you should!) he would want to braid yours in return if possible.

Tends to stand behind you when in public. Partially out of shyness, partially to serve as a warning to others to not fuck with you.

When he’s standing behind you in public? The slouch is GONE, he is eight feet of glaring intensity, like a pissed off lighthouse behind a tiny cottage.

Really doesn’t like anyone else touching you and would get a bit more clingy even if it was a purely platonic touch.

Honestly he’s very possessive. He’s found one person in the world who loves HIM, flaws and all, and he doesn’t want to risk losing you.

Tells you he loves you at least 4-5 times a day, including any time you leave a room he’s in.

- Sexual:

You know that image of the hamster eating a banana? You’re the hamster.

Massive, ridiculously large dick that’s still in proportion so it doesn’t look too crazy huge, but it’s still probably about 9-10 inches hard, 7-8 flaccid.

Absolutely aware of how big he is, and takes every step he can think of to make things easier, though it might still be tricky at first.

Adam prefers positions where he can see your face.

Very vocal, tries to hold back sometimes but fails, very loud.

Says anything that comes to his mind, most of which is just really over-the-top praise for you and how you make him feel.

He’s close to 400lbs of muscle, but very mindful of his body so that he doesn’t hurt you. Even if he lays on you he’d still be supporting himself mostly.

Not really fond of mirrors being involved. He’d love to see different angles of you, but himself? Not so much.

Thinks he’s going to die and ascend to heaven when he first gets a blowjob. Though he loves it, he prefers to give rather than receive, he wouldn’t want to hurt your jaw.

Not much aftercare the first time because he doesn’t know as much about it, but once he learns he’s a king.

Cleans you up, gives you a massage, water, holds you, praises you (even more!), makes sure you’re okay and that you enjoyed it too. He would melt if you do the same for him too.

- Familial/Paternal:

Ideally, he would have two children, he would love to be father to a boy and girl, but he would be happy with any amount or none at all and taking care of pets instead. He just wants to raise and care for something the way Victor never raised and cared for him.

So indecisive with names, like there’s so many good names he would want to use, he’d probably leave it mostly up to you.

The one name he’d really want to use? The second he hears the name Abigail means something like “my father is joyful” he jumps for it because that’s exactly how he feels about being a father.

So scared to hold the baby for a good while. He’s just so big and they’re so small and if he accidentally hurt them he’d never forgive himself.

Hovers around the baby though and still holds its little hand. As close as he can get without holding them.

Once he gets over that, he’s a very attentive father.

Very high chance any of his kids would have his black hair and some of his facial features. He’d hope they would have your eyes though.

Lets his kids climb all over him, pull his hair, swing on his arms, anything just as long as they don’t get hurt.

Very encouraging of them to explore and learn new things but also a bit of helicopter dad.

Torn between wanting to keep his kid/s safe from the world and wanting them to be able to do anything they set their mind to.

While not quite 8ft, I think any kids he would have would still grow to be a bit taller than average.

[desire-mona]

siiiigh. todd autism headcanons because im projecting.

(using they/he/she pronouns for todd in this post. will explain but also if u dont agree i dont care, tw for alcoholism. time period is vague but autism hasnt existed as a legitimate medical diagnosis for all that long, so keep it in mind i guess.)

- cannot for the life of him stand welton's blankets. so itchy, just thin enough to not warm you up enough but still make you sweat, not long enough to cover your entire body. yes im making the blanket line in their poem about actual blankets, a boy needs to vent somewhere.

- beyond terrible temperature regulation, ALWAYS just a little too hot which is made worse by her sensory issues when it comes to wet fabric. constant slight agony and it never really goes away. theyre about 5 minutes away from crying about how uncomfortable they are at all times.

- had god awful handwriting until high school, like his teachers could BARELY read his handwriting it was Bad. OOOOOH OH MY GOD THERES A TRAIN GOING BY I CAN HEAR IT HONKING this is a really ironic thing to be pointing out rn but its sooooo worth mentioning. its still honking this is fun. 🚂. anyway. her parents made her spend an entire summer fixing her handwriting bc that was like the One thing her teachers criticised. its Fine now but their motor function simply doesn't deliver in the handwriting department.

- had a VERY INTENSE special interest in aquatic life + marine biology growing up, like read every book about any ocean animal in any library intense. his parents eventually forced him to abandon it because its "not a good career focus" but he still perks up when anyone mentions fish. once talked neils ear off about the biodiversity of coral reefs for roughly 2 hours, neil took her to an aquarium for their first date. rip todd anderson you wouldve loved spongebob squarepants.

- looooves pets, namely cats, but they have Too Sweaty hands all the time so any animal fur sticks onto their hands and just feels. so awful.

- had a brief period in his 20s where he was definitely an alcoholic, started as a social drinker but got too addicted to the feeling of not having to adhere to social conventions quite as hard, especially around other drunk ppl. eventually went sober after they realised they just Cant Stand the feeling of a hangover anymore. autistic ppl r more likely to develop a dependency on alcohol if we do start drinking. just btw.

- gets a Pretty Expansive vocabulary after actually starting to pursue literature. sometimes his family lightly teases him about using big words but it confuses the hell out of him. its just a word she thought would apply best!!

- soooooo obsessed with what other ppls idea of them is, both in an anxious way and out of genuine curiosity. would never ask ppl what they think of her bc she thinks thats 1) very broad 2) seems compliment fish-y and 3) just gonna lead to "i think ur great/ nice/ whatever filler compliment." but the dream is to sit someone (neil) down and just ask him every single question possible about how he perceives him.

- asks a billion clarifying questions about anything someone asks him to do, gets anxious about how many questions he's asking, tries to just figure it out, freaks out about the possibility of getting it wrong, ends up doing the thing perfectly. weekly occurrence.

- never fully grasped the appeal of religion (most definitely grew up catholic or christian or Something) just bc she could NOT let the lack of proof go. ALSO not an atheist bc the vastness of space scares them out of it. religious beliefs r a weird topic for them.

- suppresses a good chunk of his stims in public bc One total time someone looked at him weird while he was chewing on a sweatshirt string and he was like i gotta stop NOW. eventually develops tics and has to mask THOSE in public too. dear god someone let this girl unmask. also i started ticcing while writing that bc my body does this great thing where i only tic when im reminded of the concept of ticcing. its great and totally doesnt make me think im faking them (faking for who? dunno bc it usually happens when im alone)

- DOES in fact stim around neil bc NEIL STIMS TOO!!!!!!!! joyous day when they found THAT out! gets vocal stims of random lines from whatever play neil is practicing for. YEAA ART THOU THEEEEREE was a vocal stim for a solid week and a half which made neil VERY excited (autistic neil. how i love u autistic anderperry)

- velcro is The most evil vile disgusting material to ever grace this mortal realm. he hates it more than anything ever and i mean that fully. the feeling of BOTH sides, the noise, how easily it comes apart, she hates it all.

this is the gender part

never really viewed gender and gender roles as anything to adhere to beyond the fear of punishment if they dont. finds any social convention relating to gender to be Really dumb and meaningless, bc gender isn't (scientifically) real in any capacity, so why treat it like that? for the longest time just shrugged and said "eh, i guess im a boy" bc thats what she was used to being told, and didn't feel particularly drawn to agree OR disagree. eventually realised on a late night that Wait. i dont Actually care what i am. like yeah im a Male i guess but also im just me. my brain doesnt have a gender and i basically am my brain, right? and then never really thought about it again because that's genuinely how little he cares. adhering the most to canon with that mindset, she never really tells anyone (for obvious reasons on top of the overall apathy) and just lets the he/him happen to her but. in my dream world? agender they/he/she todd anderson. and this is MY blog so those are the pronouns im using from now on. i will forever love talking abt how autistic ppl very often view gender differently than allistic ppl, will forever love talking abt how autistic ppl are more likely to be trans. autism!!!

also yes that entire paragraph is just my view of gender, change the pronouns and the todd mentions and its just me. what of it.

[brbsoulnomming]

Tell Me Sweet Little Lies Part 7

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | AO3

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Eddie doesn't know why he can't just shut his mouth.

Well, no.

He does know why, and it's because he talks to distract himself, to make himself sound confident and in control and not afraid at all. Fuck, he's terrified right now, and walking by Steve's side and yammering at him helps, even if he kind of thinks he should have stuck more to Ozzy Osborne and less to Nancy Wheeler. The way Steve's looking up ahead at Nancy after Eddie had commented about her true love worthy actions is - complicated in a way that Eddie, if he's honest, never expected to see on Steve Harrington's face.

Eddie'd kind of always figured that the guy had maybe four emotions and not a whole lot else going on under that hair. He feels bad about it now, now that Steve's walking by his side in hell barefoot and bare chested, the copper scent of his blood still marred and fouled by the strange ichor of the demon bats whenever Eddie leans in too close to him, wearing Eddie's vest better than Eddie himself ever has.

For your modesty, Eddie had said, as though it wasn't really for the sake of Eddie's sanity. As if he wasn't tempted by all that bare skin for more than one reason, as if it wasn't mostly because of the dim light and the grime that he hadn't caught more than a handful of the words inked on Steve's skin, the way he'd been staring.

As if he wasn't doing his best not to still stare. He knows there's come on, I didn't even do anything this time on Steve's bicep, knows it sounds like exactly something he said and lied about. Knows there's oh yeah, Jessie's real cute, legs for days somewhere on Steve's chest, and he's trying to think about something else besides the way it makes him scramble to remember if Jessie was one of the many girls he'd pretended to have a crush on.

Something else. Anything else.

Absurdly, he wonders if there's still demon bat blood and flesh between Steve's teeth, if Eddie could taste it as well as smell it if he kissed him.

"It doesn't matter. Nancy and I aren't soulmates," Steve says quietly, yanking Eddie out of his own thoughts and back on to the topic at hand, which is -

Right. Steve and Nancy, not Steve and Eddie and bloody ichor kissing.

"How do you know?" Eddie challenges.

There's a measured, purposeful silence, and Eddie's eyes widen a little.

"Did you test it?" Despite his true love talk, he hadn't known Nancy and Steve were that serious, back in '84 - or maybe one of them just had something really specific on their skin, that let them know immediately.

Steve scoffs, though, lip curled up in the briefest sneer before he seems to give up. "Not intentionally."

Oh. That's - oh.

"Oh," he says lamely, unable to come up with anything else.

He thinks about asking did you ever go to the hospital, then? or is this what you were trying to protect me from? because fuck, he wants, and he's in the middle of hell and he might as well throw it all in, but… what if it isn't him? Right now, Eddie thinks he'd rather hold onto the pretense that it is, that it could be, than know for sure.

Still a goddamn coward.

"She said she loved me," Steve says, once again snapping Eddie back into the conversation, and huh, he's going to have to remember that.

That Steve will talk, too, if Eddie's quiet long enough, if he gives him the space and shows him that he'll listen.

"Not all the time, but enough," Steve continues. "I believed her. But then - she said that we were just pretending. That it was all bullshit. Both of those things can't be true."

Eddie swallows. "I mean… yeah, sure they can. People can have a lot of feelings about things that are messy and don't make sense, right? Like she could love you and think what you guys were going through was bullshit."

Steve's quiet, and there's this look on his face like he wants so bad it's hurting him, and fuck, Eddie's heart aches. Then Steve seems to shake himself out of it.

"We've got more important shit to worry about, anyway. How're you holding up, man?"

Eddie blinks at him, thrown by the quick subject change. "Fine?"

Steve gives him a look, but - he isn't actually lying.

"Oh, you know, I'm terrified as shit and I feel like my legs are jello and my lungs are about to give out, but at least the murderous mob can't find me down here and I'm not in this alone anymore, so, you know. Things are looking up."

That gets Steve to give a little amused huff, at least, one corner of his mouth turned up in a little smile before his expression goes contemplative. "Maybe I should talk to them."

"Uh." Eddie stares at him. "To who?"

"Carver and the rest of the team. I mean, I don't really know the freshmen, but the older guys seem to be the ones leading the charge anyway."

Yeah, no, that still isn't making any more sense, and he raises an eyebrow. "And you're just. Gonna waltz up and ask them nicely to call off the freak hunt? Jesus fucking Christ, man, are you serious with this?"

The look on Steve's face tells him that yes, he is, and -

"Nope, no, uh-uh, I cannot overstate how bad of an idea this is, you - Buckley, Wheeler, a little help over here?"

The girls stop and turn to him practically in unison, and he waves a hand at Steve. "Stevie here thinks he should go have a nice chat with the mob out for my blood and tell them that he's ashamed of their behavior, and they should all go home and think about what they did."

"Hey!" Steve protests, in that harsh whispery tone that says he'd be shouting if he wasn't worried what attention that would draw. "That's not what I meant, geez, I just thought I could try to run interference with the guys on the basketball team."

Nancy and Robin exchange a look.

"I mean, it's not a terrible idea," Robin says, but she looks unsure about what she's saying.

"Of course it's a terrible idea," Nancy retorts. "Do you want to draw their attention to us?"

"I think their attention is already pretty drawn," Steve points out.

"To Eddie," Nancy replies. "What's the point of working to keep him hidden if we're just going to announce that we're involved with him somehow?"

Steve scowls. "How the fuck is Carver not a suspect, anyway? It was his girlfriend, then he's found at the scene of the crime with his friend's body, and he's still walking free and leading the crusade against someone else? That feels like basic detective work to me."

Eddie snorts. "Probably the same reason why your parties used to get busted up with a warning, but I got arrested for supplying the people who went to them."

He expects some blustering protest, especially when he sees Nancy's eyes cut to Steve with a wary resignation, but Steve just deflates a little.

"Oh." He looks over at Robin, giving her this little crestfallen expression with a searching eyebrow raised.

Robin's brows are pinched, and she shrugs at him, which apparently gives Steve the answer to whatever he was asking.

He turns back to them, shoulders squared. "So all the more reason I should talk to them. If he's getting by on that shit, then I can use the same thing to get him off your back."

Nancy looks at him all soft and contemplative, and for a moment Eddie has the horrifying thought that the back up he called for might actually be against him, but -

"It's still not worth the risk," she says firmly. "And we have more important things to worry about right now than Jason Carver."

Another earthquake strikes before Steve can attempt to continue the argument - if he was going to, anyway, Eddie'd seen the look of determination on his face but he's also seen the way he tends to ultimately defer to Nancy.

It doesn't really matter, he guesses, because the shaking is violent enough to knock them around - Nancy ending up held securely in Steve's arms and Eddie and Robin ending up hitting the ground.

Well, Eddie ending up hitting the ground, but for once his ability to throw himself around without thinking comes in handy, and he manages to catch Robin enough that she lands mostly on him.

There's a silent round of looks between the four of them, making sure they're all okay, and then they're off again.

"Hey, Eddie," Robin says as she comes up alongside him. "Thanks for the save."

Eddie huffs out a little laugh. "Steve just did the exact same thing."

Robin's expression goes a little scrunched. "He just threw himself on the ground and gave me an admittedly not very soft landing spot, but better than the Upside Down floor?"

"No, he - hey, shut up, I'm very comfortable - he came up to thank me for a save, too."

Her eyebrows shoot up, and then narrow contemplatively, gaze settling hard on Steve's back where he's walking with Nancy. "Oh did he. Your own personal thank you, huh?"

"Uh."

Eddie doesn't exactly know what to say to that. He'd fixated on Nancy to deflect from his own actions so he didn't have to process finally accepting his massive crush on Steve Harrington in front of the man himself, because she seemed like the obvious choice, but Robin had jumped in after Steve without a second thought, too, maybe she didn't appreciate not being singled out for a thank you.

She doesn't look unappreciated, though, she looks like she's mulling something over, a tentative little smile of amusement tugging at her lips before she looks back at him.

"Well, we both know what you did."

His eyes widen. No. There's no way she knows he's having horny soulmate thoughts about Steve Harrington, she can't -

"Making sure the kids didn't get in the boat?" she prompts. "Even though it meant that you had to come back out on the lake? Yeah, you can talk about being a coward all you want, but we see you."

Eddie flushes, grabbing for a piece of his hair to hide behind and immediately dropping it, considering it's still damp from lake water and Upside Down gunk. "Don't make me into something I'm not, Buckley."

He's not the hero in this. He's barely a party member. He's just - a companion they picked up for this particular quest because they had no other options. Eddie's got no illusions about where he stands in all of this, no matter how much he wants it to be different.

She rolls her eyes. "Well, it's still nice to have another almost adult in all of this. We actually outnumber the children, at least for now."

Eddie frowns. "How many children are involved in all of this?"

"Six," she replies. "A hoard of six of them that used to show up to irritate us when we were just trying to serve ice cream without getting screamed at by overheated mall rats; it was very annoying how many children Steve was friends with. Then I invited myself into their little party, but we kind of got Erica Sinclair involved too, so the numbers didn't exactly improve."

She pauses, then looks at him suspiciously. "You don't come with another child that we're going to have to watch out for, do you?"

He barks out a laugh. "No. The three youngest of my flock are already involved with all of this, it seems. The only thing I come with is blood thirsty jocks."

It comes out light and joking, the way he'd meant it to, but it still makes her look at him consideringly for a moment.

"No," he says, guessing what she's thinking.

"We would, you know, if you wanted us to," Robin tells him. "Steve's run interference with his old crowd before."

He opens his mouth to retort that he doesn't want them to, then snaps it shut, aware that would be a lie before he even says it. "It doesn't really matter what I want right now," he settles on. "Like Wheeler said, it's too risky."

Robin looks at him like she knows exactly what he was going to say, and he shifts his weight uncertainty, fiddling with his rings and waiting for her to call him on it.

She doesn't, though. She just gives a little hum, watching him for a moment longer before turning her focus back on the path ahead of them, calling out to Steve to ask him how much farther and getting into a shouty whisper fight about who needs to lower their voice.

And, well. That's the end of that, it seems, and they continue onto the Wheeler house to get their hands on Nancy's Wheeler's apparent stash of firearms. He tells himself that the warmth he feels is the satisfaction of having won that argument twice, and not from the fact that someone - that Steve Harrington - was ready to stand up for him despite the risk.

It's a good thing the lies he tells himself don't count.

Taglist: @vampireinthesun @koibug @estrellami-1 @mentalcyborg @allbimyself26 @questionablequeeries @the-s-is-silent @whimsicalwitchm @a-gae-af-racoon @tinyplanet95 @n0-1-important @velocitytimes2 @swimmingbirdrunningrock @newtstabber @jcmadgirl @roblingoblin285 @lexyvey @paperbackribs @goodolefashionedloverboi @evix-syne666 @raisedbylibrarians @stxrcrossed186 @nightmareglitter @greekgeek24 @starman-jpg @crazyhatlady86 @affablevixen @imfinereallyy @manda-panda-monium @deleataecount @prideandsensibility @chaoticvictorianspirit @maydillydally @disrespectedgoatman @scarlet-malfoy @i-less-than-three-you @hbyrde36 @hallucinatedjosten @dragonsandgayships @arepaconchocolate @g4ys0n @novelnovella @bisexualdisastersworld @ghostofyourvampiregf @scarletyeager @pettrichore @nerd-and-nervous @hiimlevi @queenie-ofthe-void

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Part 8

[localcultivator]

Forgive my northern attitude (i was raised in the cold) pt.1

tags: talk of emotional neglect, seasonal depression, depression related self harm actions, mild Buddie content, buddie friendly, bobby and athena act like Buck's parents.

Winter had never been Buck’s favorite season. It reminded him of short days, long nights desperately trying to stay quiet enough not to be called down by his parents and reminded how little they cared for him. Cold nights huddled under covers for warmth that was never truly there. It reminded him of the worst times in his life every time he was around snow, and frost, and ice. Buck was smart enough to realize that a good portion of his mood changing the moment it was below 50 degrees fahrenheit was also due to his clinically diagnosed seasonal depression. Truly, a bunch of fancy words to say that Buck thrived on light and warmth like any houseplant or herb.

Eddie knew this, planned for it year after year. Small little boosts that Buck needed to thrive and flourish in the chill (although some would say what chill as they had both lived in LA for many years, which would lead into a long tangent/rant from Buck regarding ocean currents, and wound patterns.). He would slide hand warmers into Buck’s hoodies, would make sure that the truck had time to warm up in the mornings before shuffling Buck in, and of course, when Buck stayed over, he would pile on the blankets. Eddie wasn’t sure how much of his seasonal caring for Buck was second nature, and something he had to put conscious effort into.  It was like anything else regarding Evan’s space in his life. Effortless.

Bobby loved the frost, even if the sight of snow brought on feelings of loss and sorrow as well. Too much outweighed the grief though, and joyous memories with Marcy and his family filled his daydreams whenever there was a particularly strong chill. Bobby loved the chill, and he knew with every fiber of his being, Buck did not. His oldest, by choice and love, was a different person in the winter air, and Bobby knew that it was a product of his childhood and how he was raised. Bobby always wondered if the frigid air reminded Buck a little too much of the house he grew up in, if the silence that came when the world was blanketed in snow reminded him of his parents. Bobby had so many questions, but he never dared to ask them with fear he would be prying into something even Evan himself had not yet handled. So year after year, Bobby helped take care of his son, even from afar. He made him his special chili, and always made sure to make two batches of his cornbread. He filled Bucks freezer with stock cubes, and frozen containers for soup for the days when everything was too much and Buck couldn’t cook. His heart warmed every year for being able to provide for one of his children. 

Maddie hadn’t known initially when she came to L.A the real reason Buck had decided to settle here. Sure, there was story after story, and reason after reason, but in the end, it was simple. Buck hated the cold, and loved the ocean. He also wasn’t much of a fan of hurricanes, although it felt silly to complain about that now that they had dealt with tsunami’s and such. Maddie wasn’t surprised about her brother’s lack of love for the winter months, and she felt they were truly united and related in this topic, even if it was for wildly different reasons. Cold always reminded Maddie of Doug, of fear and running and how warm blood can feel when you’re on the edge of hypothermia. Neither Buckley sibling could handle the temperature changes, and yet. Buck’s reactions had always been more severe than her own. His tended to lead to spirals and tendencies to rush in before thinking. Her support for him was bandaging wounds and fulfilling pinkie promises she had made over a decade ago. Her’s led to nightmares and late nights with insomnia. His support for her was cuddling on the couch and checking for monsters as though her trauma would physically manifest itself in the dark corners of her bedroom. Chimney was happy to entertain the strange rituals of chilled Buckley’s and had a few of his own for the siblings. 

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the rest will be posted when i finish it <3

missing chim's, hen's and Athena's POV

[jinlias]

beso - rosé

– listen to ‘beso’ by rosalía and rauw alejandro!

i just need another kiss, one of those that you give me

roseanne was always in your head, whether it was her face, her voice, her laughter, or her lips, maybe even her touch. she was always. on your mind. today, it was her kisses you thought about. how your favorite moments with her somehow involved her laying on her side while u sat criss-cross in front of her.. always talking useless topics before she gets tired of pretending like she isn’t burning to touch you, feel you, taste you.

you kiss like you’ve always known how, like no one has had to teach you.

it’s always then she takes her cue to tangle her hand in your hair and pull you towards her lips, where yours dance against them. her teeth sinking into your lips every now and then so you would make those noises she loved so much.

most times than others all you did at night after a long and tiring day was just that. kissing with only the breaks to talk about something meaningless or inside jokes the two of you had. usually in the dark, sometimes out on your balcony. rosé had grown used to expressing many thoughts and feelings over them, and you had gotten used to understanding them.

being away from you is hell, being close to you is my peace. I love whenever you arrive, and I hate when you leave.

the hardest part was the wait. the wait to see her, to touch her, all while millions of people were seeing her and taking her in every day.

you were so proud of rosé, consider yourself her no.1 fan, but damn, do you wish she could be amazing and successful just a little closer to home.

you can’t lie and say you barely see her, but even with the many times one of you flies to the other, it’s not enough. time feels as if it’s being lost whenever you’re apart.

it’s a repeating cycle, the anticipation builds as the days lead to your reunion, either rosé picks you up at the airport or it’s you who’s waiting outside an hour prior to her flight landing, and then you have the best next couple of days and both of you will cry when it’s time to say goodbye.

“i hate this” you pout on the bed while she finishes packing her suitcase, taking advantage of her visit to refresh the contents of it.

“i know. i do too baby.”

“i hate when you have to go back.” you welcome her embrace, while she wraps her arms around your shoulders and her tummy welcomes the side of your face, her own cheek meeting the top of your head as she leans in search of proximity.

“i don’t think i have to be there tomorrow” she begins the swaying and the searching for excuses as to stay.

“rosie”

“yeah. lisa’s flying in two days, fuck that!” she giggles and pushes the two of you on the bed, a little too excited to be ghosting her job for two more days.

sometimes it works, as shown, sometimes either of you caves and does the impossible to prolong your stay in the arms of your lover.

it forces you to make the best of your time together, even if you’re laying together doing absolutely nothing other than stare into each other’s soul, you enjoy each other’s company so much you soon came to the conclusion you wouldn’t rather be anywhere else.

the best thing I've got, is the love you give to me. It smells of tobacco and melon.

unpacking after spending time with rosé or doing laundry in her absence have to be one of the most endearingly painful situations. endearing, because the musk of her cologne and the faint smell her clothes have gathered because of her cigarettes spring on you endless memories of you and her late at night smoking and talking shit about everyone you knew.

painful because it reminds you of how much you miss her. but you wouldn’t have it any other way. you adore rosé so much you look forward to talk to her even if it’s thirty minutes with as much privacy as the corner in her dance room can allow. she loves you to the point of taking spontaneous trips home whenever she has a break longer than two days, she won’t tell anyone, she will just disappear and her members and crew have to trust she gets to the next destination in time, because she won’t answer any sort of text or call unless someone was dying.

you’ll hold on to the clothes she wore on her last day home until the scent fades completely, hating the infinite battle you had with sleep when she wasn’t there with you. but slowly you overcome it, when she starts getting more of a vote over her career she tried to be home as much as she could, and if she couldn’t be then she would do anything to take you with her.

and it’s more kissing at night while stargazing and less yearning to be together after so long apart. it’s more of the sunday nights you spent either having dinner at a fancy restaurant in the city, or overlooking it from a hill with takeout from your favorite place.

i could tie heaven up, and give it to you entirely

[accio-victuuri]

how many cpns can you get from a 7 second douyin by wyb? 💚💚💚

The Douyin King is back! I know i’m not the only one who missed his random ass douyin posts. They are very much welcome, he is free to share one everyday. I’m cackling at the comparison going around between WYB and other people. So, the rest of the celebrities and influencers are posting on a regular basis per month and have different topics.

photos at work, travel photos, interests/hobbies. this line represents the whole year. there is another diagram that shows how many per line, like 1-2 or more. then you have wang yibo 😂😂😂

line 1 : I'm busy at work and have no time. // line 2: I don’t have time to skateboard, ride a motorcycle or play golf // line 3: Visit my gege’s camping site and the volcano scenery is very good and has a lot of material// line 4: happy and don’t have much time// line 5: Shoot whoever is lucky enough to shoot!

then all the lines after is when he will post — shows that he will share a lot towards the end of the year to keep up with KPI. lol. he is rushing his homework again, to the point that on the video, people are searching what wyb’s kpi mean. which is the engagement metrics he needs to reach and now he gotta work on it, even the fans know and expect it.

the memes are also hilarious! 😂😂😂 ( cat memes below ) basically him working on making his “cool” posts to the internet.

Honestly, never change yibo. We love you as you are, Our Gremlin Best Actor. 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

That was a long intro, now let’s move on to the sweets & CPN…..

• @rainbowsky already talked about the messenger bird CPN & how it might be for ZZ’s Hennessy endorsement.

• similarity in how sometimes, they just wanna post an emoji for caption. this one is a cute parallel from 2021 and 2023. If you wanna further clown with WYB using kadian 13 for yizhan then go ahead too 😌

• it is being compared to him referencing his shoes before, picking up his shoes ( xie zi ) (xz) ; and now it’s another homophonic clue ( jm ) ⬇️⬇️⬇️

yes we know that you get to meet more often now cause you are both in Beijing! It’s so cool how their language can be used for so many things and you can play with it to send different meanings. international fans could never 💀💀💀💀

• talking about picking up and meeting, cpfs remembered ZZ’s 11/17/21 douyin post. It’s the one with him and a light saber and a sexy transformation. Going by his clothes, I’m thinking it was what he wore during the DC tencent conference and at the time of posting it was already considered as leftover. but I could be wrong, cause he might have worn other leather jackets that year for ads.

anyway, the point is — please compare the background of the rooms. the walls. you know. add the floor too. 👀

look, this isn’t the most unique type of interior. i would say it’s pretty basic like how we clown about hotel curtains. i’m guessing yibo’s is an evisu shoot sometime ago ( cause his hair is not that fluffy anymore idk if his stylist did something to make it like that even with his recent cut ). this place may be a studio of sorts that can be rented out and they just happen to have filmed there.

or… or…..

this could be XZS office. or one of their rented office. Why? this CPN is similar to the one in 2020. How we speculated that the birthday shoot was done in XZS office so ZZ could supervise the direction of the shoot too.

we also love to talk about how xzs and ybo office are right next to each other ( it’s a fact xzs is close to yuehua building actually ) so maybe that can be an explanation too 😂😂😂 it’s not uncommon for an office to have a separate space to do regular photoshoots so maybe theirs have that. or this could have been done after and wyb dropped off their office and took this.

hahahahahaha! so many explanations all because of a wall. that’s the kind of life we turtles have 🙃

Personally, i’m hoping for a 24 hour relay between them. 🙏🏼

-END.