#1 that's a batshit crazy but not in a bad way guy

[geddy-leesbian]

I hate that I can walk into a Half Price Books and look at the paranormal section and recognize 75% of the authors because I know them from Ancient Aliens

[itsmarsss]

Scandalous (Blitzø x Fem!Succubus!Reader x Stolas) [Helluva Boss] pt. 4 - Immediate Murder Professionals

How the mighty do fall. (Getting into a weird three-way situation with an imp and a succubus isn't exactly considered classy, Stolas)

Blitzø just might be stupid.

pt. 1 | pt. 2 | pt. 3 | pt. 4 | pt. 5 | 1st bonus | pt. 6 | pt. 7 | pt. 8 | pt. 9 | 2nd bonus

Word Count: 2,340

Warnings: eh, mentions of sex only i think. also stolas is newly separated so he's trying this new thing called flirting. yes i'm a firm believer that stolas is naturally so weirdly flirty he could make a succubus flustered no questions asked.

“...and then I yelled ‘sorry I fucked your husband’ and just kinda… left.” 

Everyone was gathered around the big table in the meeting room at I.M.P., per Blitzø’s request. Well, he didn’t request it, per se- it was something more along the lines of yelling “Anyone who’s not a whiny bitch follow me, I got something to show you” and everyone just sort of complying. 

He had been on and on in excruciating detail about how he’d up and stolen whatever it was he wanted to show you. He had yet to show you a thing.

“Oh wow. You are an idiot,” you state.

“And why is that, witch bitch?”

“You stole from a Goetia prince?”

“Yeah I did. And I looked sexy doing it.”

“What did you even wanna steal so bad?” Millie asks.

“Oh-ho-ho. You’re not even fuckin’ ready. None of you are even fucking ready.” He slams a big, heavy book on the desk. You inspect it, trying to figure out why he would go out of his way, in a borderline suicidal quest, to steal a book. Your eyes widen when you realize you know exactly what it is. 

“You stole from STOLAS?” He had to be fucking- wait. “Wait, you fucked Stolas?” 

“What how’d you know it was him?”

“It’s- it’s his Grimoire. That’s what this is isn’t it?”

“Yup. And with this,” he explains to the others, since apparently you already knew of it, “we’ll be able to go up to the living world and kill any human we’re paid to kill.”

“That- that’s- Blitzø this is insane. And I don’t mean good insane. I mean batshit crazy insane.”

“How do you even know what this is?”

“I- I used to see him a lot. You know. Ozzie stuff. They’re always in meetings. I didn’t- I’m really having trouble believing he acted like that-”

“What, like a needy bitch in heat?” Blitzø cuts you off.

You feel yourself get flustered at the implication, not managing to finish whatever you had been about to say. 

“Oh my fucking Satan, Blitz,” Loona lets out a groan, frustrated at what she was hearing, which is fair. It’s enough to prompt her to leave the room entirely, assumingly to her seat at the front desk. 

“Sir, you need to give this back.” Moxxie pushes the book across the table back to him.

“What? After everything I had to go through to get it? No way!”

“No, Mox is right. Stolas is nice, but he’s still, like, one of the most powerful demons down here, dude. And this is- this is next level doing him wrong. You didn’t just steal from him, you played with his feelings too. That’s so much worse.”

“Feelings? Come on! So we’re all ganging up on Blitzo now, are we?” You all cringed a bit whenever he used his own given name. It felt weird and just totally… wrong, considering how adamant he always was about correcting everyone else when it came to it, but, to be fair, he didn’t really seem to notice when he did it. He just happened to absentmindedly call himself that sometimes when he was feeling criticized, which… well, you weren’t sure if you wanted to unpack whatever that meant. He keeps on. “I’m sorry I worry about us having jobs and money to pay rent and food to feed ourselves!”

“Blitz that’s not-” Millie starts, but gets cut off by Loona, who walks back into the room. “Guys, there’s an… owl… guy… thing… looking for Blitz out there.”

Oh, shit.

“We’re gonna die,” Moxxie mutters under his breath, starting to chant it over and over again, eyes almost popping out of his head. Millie puts her arms around his shoulders and brings his head to her lap to try and calm him down, sending a death glare- much like yourself- towards Blitzø, who now looked like a deer in headlights, caught red-handed, apparently not expecting to be found that soon. 

“Uuuhhh, tell him I’m not here!”

“Already did, he said some weird shit about being able to smell you or whatever the fuck that was about. That guy’s a fucking freak.” Huh. Maybe Blitzø wasn’t lying.

“Uhhh fuck fuck fuck fuck, gotta think, gotta think,” Blitzø begins pacing in circles around the room.

“Well? What the fuck did you expect?”

“I didn’t think that far ahead, alright? Sue me.”

“Oh really? I could have sworn you had everything figured out!” 

His head shoots up and he points at you, completely ignoring your sarcasm. “You go talk to him!” 

“Me? This is your problem!”

“Our problem! You work here don’t you?”

“Blitz I swear to Satan.”

“Pleeeaaaase?” He tries making puppy eyes at you. It’s kind of bizarre, but not entirely useless. “You said you know him, he’ll probably be nicer to you. Maybe you can soften the blow. Ha. Blow.”

“If it doesn’t work I’m ratting you out and I’m not gonna feel bad about it.”

“Thank you thank you thank you, I’ll owe you one, now go!”

You let out a groan, making sure he hears it. You could not believe you were about to do this. Sure, let’s confront pissed-off demon royalty about something of theirs that you definitely have in your possession just in the next room. Nothing could possibly go wrong with that. “Can you tell him to go to your dad’s office, Loons?”

“Yeah whatever.”

You make your way out of the meeting room and into Blitzø’s office, which is… a sight to behold. There were horse drawings scattered everywhere around the room, figurines of Millie, Moxxie, and yourself on top of his desk (you didn’t even want to know), guns you knew definitely didn’t have their safety locks on just laying on various different surfaces. Yeah, it was all very on-brand. 

You sit down on his chair, getting barely a few seconds to prepare yourself for your talk with Stolas before he walks into the room.

Well, no, he doesn’t exactly walk in. He leans against the door frame, pulling a leg up and running a hand up it as he starts speaking, yet to take a look into the room. “For someone so remarkably sexy you are so hard to find, Bli- oh my!” He’s visibly startled when he finally makew eye contact with you, evidently having expected Blitzø to be the one in your place. Almost tripping over himself, he tries to pull himself together, fixing his posture and wiping non-existent dust off of his clothes as if to pretend he hadn’t just made a fool of himself. Stolas had always kept his composure around you whenever he went over to meet with Ozzie, so this behavior… it was definitely new. 

He clears his throat. “I’m sorry. I thought you were-”

You decide to save him the embarrassment. Or, well,  further embarrassment. “Your Highness! Hi.”

“Y/n.” He remembers your name. What, of course he remembers your name, dumbass! That’s completely normal. “You… Do you not work for Asmodeus anymore?”

“Not really. I’d been working there a long time. Wanted to try something new.”

“So you chose to work… here?” He motions around, and you couldn’t blame him. It didn’t look like the best place in Hell. And you supposed it did seem like an odd change in occupation. 

“We’re a work in progress.”

“Well, do you and Asmodeus still keep in touch? I recall you were quite good friends.”

“Yes! We still are. We still are. How have you been, uh, doing, your highness?” You ask, carefully. 

“Please, there is still no need to call me that.” Your interactions always went like this- you called him by his title, he insisted you call him by his name, and you always refused to. Strangely enough, you called him by his name when referring to him in conversation with Ozzie. 

But you don’t feel the need for all of that now. “Right, I’m sorry. Stolas.” 

“Well, I haven’t been doing quite so great, actually. I’m sure you’re aware why.”

You shut your eyes, taking a deep breath before opening them up again and forcing yourself to make eye contact with him, trying to stay collected. Play it cool. “I… might have an idea, yes.”

“You see, you have worked with Asmodeus for a long time. You’ve been around myself plenty, haven’t you, darling?”

Had he ever called you darling before? You’re positive he’s never, ever done that. 

Chill, dumbass! It’s just a fancy people thing. No big deal. “Yes.”

“Yes, so you know how crucial my Grimoire is for my purpose in the Ars Goetia, don’t you?” He speaks to you in an almost condescending manner. You almost feel insulted. Did his voice always sound like that?

“Yes.”

“Perfect. So I suppose you understand why I would be very upset when I came to find out your friend, Blitzy, stole such a sacred artifact from me.”

“I understand.”

“My Grimoire contains spells that are meant for mine and, in the future, my daughter’s use only, and it would simply be a scandal if it fell into the hands of itty bitty imps such as yourselves.” Okay, he was definitely being condescending now. Why was it kind of hot? It was definitely hot. 

What the fuck.

“Uhhhhh-”

“It makes things so much worse that he simply hurt my feelings! After a night of such passionate fornication, you could only imagine my surprise when I came to find out the book had been missing! Had I not known better I would have sworn it had been deceiving work of someone like yourself.”

“Like myself?”

“You are a succubus, aren’t you, dear?” He tilts his head to the side as if what he meant had been obvious. And it probably had- you’d just read too much into it. Was what Blitzø had told you about what happened getting to your head or something?

“Ooookay. Uh. I’m really- I’m really sorry about… all of that. Uh. Wow. Uh that really is a lot huh? I’m just gonna… I’m just gonna go call Blitz now and you guys can talk it out maybe. That fine for you? Fantastic. Good talk, Stolas!”

You slip past him and out of the office, catching your breath before going back into the meeting room to call Blitzø and let him handle the situation. What the actual fuck was that?

[. . .]

“So?” Millie questions Blitzø as he enters the meeting room again after a good half hour. Everyone follows, looking at him expectantly. 

He pauses, for dramatic effect. “Guess who just founded the first human-killing business in Hell?”

“What?” You ask, incredulous.

“I’m sorry sir are you saying the Prince is letting us use his spell book?”

“You heard it, Mox.”

“H-how?”

“Well I’m gonna have to dick him down every full moon but I guess that’s a good trade.”

The room goes silent. 

Moxie breaks the silence first. “Uhh, what?”

“What?”

“What’s that about the full moon?”

“Oh well. Well, apparently I’m a fantastic fucking lay, just unforgettable. So all I gotta do to have the book is give it back to him every full moon and then fuck him into oblivion and we’re good to go.”

“And you’re sure you’re fine with that?” You ask him, carefully. 

“Well yeah? It’s fucking great! We get the book AND I get to fuck a Prince into submission every once in a while? Couldn’t be better.”

You’re not that sure about it, but what was the point in arguing with him? You shrug. “If you say so.”

“And he’s just… fine with that?” Moxxie questions, not buying it.

“What, you think I’d lie?”

“Yeah,” everyone replies, without hesitation.

“Well I’m not!”

“Well shit. Your dick must be good.” Well, that wasn’t supposed to come out.

He grins. “Ya wanna find out?”

You stare at him, unamused, for a second, locking eyes with Moxxie soon after. 

“You deserved that,” Moxxie points out.

“Yeah I regretted it as soon I said it.”

“You really should have seen it coming,” Blitzø himself adds.He grabs the Grimoire, bringing everyone’s attention to it. “So. Aren’t y’all curious? I know I wanna know what the human realm is like.”

“It’s really not that different from here,” you tell him.

“Oh yeah, I forget you’ve been there before. What do you guys even do there?”

“Uuuhhh.”

“They fuck people to death, Mills, ain’t that cool?”

“Oh shut up you know that hardly ever happens anymore.”

“But’cha could.”

You sigh, knowing he just wanted to hear that he was right. You give him a little smile. “But I could.” 

“Hell yeah!” It was always weirdly nice that he thought that part of what you were was cool rather than being disgusted by it.  “Should we go take a look?”

“How’d ya even work this thing?” Millie asks, examining the book in Blitzø’s hands.

“Fuck if I know.”

“You didn’t ask him?” Loona asks.

“Not really.”

“I’m not even-” she rolls her eyes. “Gimme that” Snatching the book from him and going through the pages for a bit, she stops in a particular one, attempting a few times to read some words from it. Fair enough, a portal leading… somewhere… appears. You’d have to put a pin on that for later and ask her how she knew what to do, but right now everyone was too excited.

“Let’s go fuck some humans to death!” Blitzø exclaims.

“No.” You say sternly.

“Let’s go fuck some humans?” He tries again.

“Sir! No!” Moxxie yells, disgusted.

“Let’s go kill some humans!”

“Hell yeah!” Millie finally agrees,

“Yeah! Wait why am I even listening to you guys, I’m the boss here!” 

“Sure thing Blitz.” You assure him, getting your foot through the portal. “You coming?”

Blitzø turns around. “Looney? You’re not killing anyone there. Got it? It’s too dangerous.”

“But that’s no fun!”

“Looney.”

“Fine.”

“Let’s go kill some humans then!” He shoves you into the portal, jumping through right after you. Jackass.

A/N: i did a lot of things different than i said id do lmao and i toned down the flirting from stolas to leave it for a different chapter hope this is fun it aint gonna be fun for v long luv yall

[just-my-latest-hyperfixation]

Eddie Munson's royal scandal

Written for @astrangersummer, week 15

Words: 1,633 (also on AO3)

Prompt: Royal and/or Modern AU

Relationship: Steve/Eddie

Rated: T

Tags: Modern AU; Royal AU; Rock star Eddie; Royal Steve; Secret relationship; Fluff and angst

Notes: Previous part | Part 1

The fucking photo is everywhere. 

Eddie knows he should stop checking, should probably delete all his social media accounts and drop his phone in the ocean, maybe throw himself right after. Maybe he would, if that would change anything. He groans, slamming the phone down on the table and burying his face in his hands. 

They've been so careful, and for what? 

One second of weakness, one stolen moment by the backstage entrance of Eddie’s last gig, and everything is falling to pieces. He should’ve known better. You're never really alone, no matter how safe you deem yourself. Steve even less than Eddie. 

“I mean, not to be a smartass,” Chrissy’s voice pulls him from his thoughts. She's seated on the opposite side of his kitchen table, laptop in front of her. “But you do realize you could've just waited until you got to your hotel room?” 

Eddie stops pulling at his own hair to give her a tired look. 

“I missed him, okay? Between my Europe tour and his stupid state visit to Asia, it was the first time in months that we saw each other. It was literally just one kiss.” 

Chrissy gives him a look.

“Eddie, I love you,” she says flatly. “But it looks like you're trying to suck out his tonsils with your tongue.” 

Eddie’s forehead joins the phone on the table. 

“I know,” he groans. “Fuck. What do we do now, Chris?” 

She doesn’t answer right away, and that scares him more than anything. Chrissy always knows what to do.

“Maybe it won't be as bad,” she says, but she doesn’t sound convinced. “I mean the picture is quite grainy. You're pretty recognizable with your stage outfit and the tattoos, but Steve? He could be just some guy, really.”

“Yeah, no,” Eddie huffs, picking up his phone again. His private messages are blowing up, but he doesn’t find it in himself to open them. “Have you met those royal fangirls? Batshit crazy, man. They have the shape of his moles memorized and all.” 

“You have the shape of his moles memorized,” Chrissy provides. 

Eddie glowers at her, and her face goes soft.

“Hey,” she says, shutting her laptop and taking his hand. “We'll figure it out, I promise. I know it looks bad now, but-” 

She's interrupted by the sound of the doorbell. 

“That'll be the pizza,” she smiles. “I'll get it, you stay seated. Let's talk about this after dinner, I'm sure things will look a lot less dire on a full stomach.”

Eddie has half a mind to ask her how pizza is supposed to fix a single one of their problems. But he knows she's only trying to help, so he doesn’t say anything and shoots her a tight smile as she flounces out. 

The door opens.

“Oh, hi,” Chrissy says, and Eddie knows from the way her voice goes strained that it's not the pizza. “Eddie didn't mention you were- hey, wait, you can't just-” 

Eddie is already out of his chair and halfway around the table when Hopper comes stomping into the kitchen. He looks intimidating as ever in his shades and dark suit with the royal sigil pinned to the lapel. Today, he's also looking particularly pissed. 

“You!” he barks as soon as he spots Eddie. “You're coming with me. Move.” 

Behind him, Chrissy hovers in the doorway, wide-eyed and pale. 

“I can't,” Eddie says lamely. “I have pizza on the way.” 

Hopper looks at him like he's silently regretting all career choices that have led him to this moment.

“What you have,” he says,” is an appointment at the palace. Now c��mon, or you're paying for my parking ticket.” 

*

Eddie hasn't been to the palace more than a few times, and as on all of his previous visits, the paintings and the chandeliers and the gold and brocade of it all make him feel uncomfortable and on edge. So what if he's been secretly dating the crown prince right under the nose of the public for months? He's still allowed to think that the exaggerated splendor surrounding everything royal is a remnant of a long dead feudal system and a waste of tax money with no place in the modern world. It's called nuance, thank you very much.

Hopper nudges him into a lavish salon or drawing room or whatever the fuck they're called - one with a crackling fire and plush armchairs and a small fortune in antiques lining the walls - and wordlessly pulls the door shut behind him. In one of the chairs, gazing at his phone, side profile lit by the golden firelight, is Steve. 

“Remember all those times Munson said fuck the monarchy?” he says without looking up. It takes Eddie a very confused second to realize he's reading from the comments under the damned photo. “Never realized he meant that literally. Charming. They even got creative with the emoji, look.” 

He flips the phone around. Eddie sinks into the armchair across from him and winces. “I know, I know. So, on a scale from one to ten, how bad is it?” 

“Hm?” Steve says. He's in jeans and a cable-knit sweater, thin wire frame glasses perched on his nose. He looks utterly biteable. Except that's what got them into this mess in the first place. “Oh, very bad. Apparently, you've brainwashed me with some sort of satanic magic to overthrow the monarchy. Either that, or this is a slandering campaign against you, involving a carefully picked doppelganger and-” 

“Steve,” Eddie groans. 

Steve finally lowers the phone, putting it down on the small side table sitting between them and folding his hands in his lap. 

“Eddie,” he says. 

Eddie winces. He knows this tone, this aloof, barely interested drawl. Knows the way Steve holds himself - spine straight, shoulders slightly pulled back, chin up. Eyes so much dimmer than what he's used to. Distant and detached.

This isn't Steve. It's Prince Steven. 

Eddie hoped he'd never have to see the fucker again. 

There's a pile of documents lying on the stupid, fancy side table, right next to the phone. Eddie squints at them, catching the royal sigil at the top, the words non-disclosure agreement below, and his stomach fills with lead. When he manages to speak, his voice sounds hollow in his ears.

“So this is it, huh?” 

Steve sighs. “Father would've loved to speak to you personally.”

The heavy, molten thing in Eddie’s guts twists. 

“Would he now?” he grits out, trying to match Steve’s bored tone and knowing he's failing. Unlike some people, he hasn't been drilled into burying his feelings under a layer of ice all his life. 

Steve nods.

“He had more important things to attend to, though” he says. “Instead, he told me to have you sign this.” 

“Did he now?” Eddie says. It comes out hollow, words snagging in a too-dry throat. 

Steve picks up the documents, leafing through the smooth, white pages. Even the fucking paper is fancy in this place.

“He's instructed our PR team to get me a watertight alibi for the night of the concert. Said we'd deny any acquaintance with you. Forbid you from ever so much as speaking my name in public. I told him to go fuck himself.” 

“Did you no- … Wait, what?” 

Eddie snaps his head up just in time to see how Steve tosses the papers into the fire. The rage on that pretty face is pure, unbridled and undisguised, and Eddie’s heart tugs painfully in his chest. 

“I'm not gonna put a muzzle on you. You can damn well say whatever you want about me. I trust you, and that won't change. Not even if you don't want to continue this-” 

“Woah, woah, wait,” Eddie blurts. “Hold on a sec. You think I'm breaking up with you?” 

Steve blinks at him. “Um, yes? Are you not?”

Eddie can't stop the laugh that bubbles out of him. The weight that has been tearing at his insides ever since the damn photo dropped is gone. He feels like he needs to tether himself to something or he'll float off towards the ugly painted ceiling with the chubby, winged babies. 

“No, you stupid dickhead,” he says, and finally, finally takes Steve's hand in his. “I thought you were breaking up with me.” 

Steve gapes at him. “Why would I- … I'd never do that!” 

“Well, good,” Eddie says. “Cause neither would I.” 

Steve chews on his bottom lip, hope and doubt warring in those lovely eyes of his. 

“I don't think you understand what's at stake here,” he mutters. “If we make this public, it'll be the greatest scandal this country has seen in decades. The press will be all over us, your fans will hate you, my family will tell you to give up your career, they'll-” 

“Honey,” Eddie interrupts him, not bothering to hide the grin that's threatening to split his face in half. “If there's two things you should know about me by now, it's these. One, I'm terrible at taking instructions. And two, I don't give a rat's ass about what anyone thinks about me.” 

Steve's eyes are large and round behind his glasses, but Eddie imagines the hope is winning over the doubt. 

“I wanna be with you,” he says, squeezing Steve’s fingers a little tighter. “And to be frank, I think the system could do with a good shaking-up. Don't you agree?” 

Steve snorts a reluctant laugh, and his entire face lights up with it. “You can say that again.” 

Eddie thinks he's never seen anything as beautiful as Steve’s smile as he slowly lifts their entwined hands to his lips. 

“If it's a scandal they want,” he murmurs, holding Steve's gaze and pressing a long, lingering kiss to his knuckles, “I say let's give them a scandal to remember.” 

[jenniferlawrencelover]

Wade forced himself to focus on the mirror again, tearing his gaze away from Logan before he did something stupid—like launching himself across the room and kissing the life out of the guy. "Can't help it if you're a fucking distraction," Wade muttered, more to himself than to Logan, managing to get the tie somewhat presentable, though he was pretty sure Logan could tie a better knot with his eyes closed. He adjusted the red pocket square, trying to give himself something to do with his hands that didn't involve reaching for Logan.

"You know," he said, "I have to admit, you look pretty damn good in a suit. I mean, it's no Wolverine's suit, and it's not like I didn't know you were built like a tank, but damn... who knew you cleaned up so well?"

Logan glanced up from where he was sitting, his eyes narrowing slightly as he met Wade's gaze in the mirror. "Yeah, well, don't get used to it, Bub."

"Too late," Wade leered. "Why don't you stand up and do a twirl for me, Princess?"

Snikt

"Woah, hey! No! No," Wade turned around, holding his hands out in front of him. Logan's claws glinted under the fluorescent lights menacingly as he glared up at him. "Usually I'm up for a little bit of foreplay, but we're under strict instructions that the claws need to stay away today. If she sees even a speck of blood on either of us, she is going to lose her shit."

Logan's claws retracted with a swift snikt, and he leveled a disapproving look at Wade, who was still standing with his hands up in a defensive posture. "Then, maybe you shouldn't say things that make me want to stab you."

"I flirt when I'm nervous," Wade quipped, crossing his arms. "It's not every day the love of your life gets married to someone else."

Logan gives him a flat look. 

"Right, my bad. We can trauma bond about it later, say over dinner?" He reaches under the sink, pulling out the newest toupee—one of his more elegant wigs, this time a nearly identical replica of Nicepool's long locks.

Logan stared at the toupee, then back at Wade with a look of exasperation. "You've got to be fucking kidding me. You're actually wearing that?"

Wade grinned, holding the toupee up like a trophy. "Oh, come on. It's her big day. Nobody wants to see a walking scrotum sitting at the bar."

He plopped it onto his head, ignoring Logan's winces as he stapled it firmly to his head. He spins in a circle, posing a few times for Logan. "How do I look?"

"Horrifying."

"More or less than usual?" 

Logan didn't answer, his face crinkling into one of disgust. Wade spun back to face the mirror, rearranging the wig in the way he remembered Nicepool wore his--may he rest in peace--eyes flickering between his own reflection and Logan's as he watched him. Finally, feeling satisfied with his appearance, he turned around and clapped his hands. "Ready to rock and roll?"

Logan didn't move, choosing to sit there and just stare at him like he had something completely batshit crazy. His hands tightened around his thighs, white-knuckling the dark fabric. "How do you do that?" he asked suddenly, his voice breaking the stillness.

Wade glanced up, confused. "Do what? The wig? I mean, sure, I watched a lot of tutorials, but really it's all in the quality-" 

"No," Logan interrupted, his tone sharper than usual. "I mean, how do you just...watch the love of your life get married to someone else?"

Wade was silent for a moment, his eyes focusing on the claw mark through the shower curtain. Hm. What fight caused that? He took a deep breath. "Well...when you love someone, when you really, truly love someone, it doesn't really matter who they end up with. Even if it isn't you, you're happy because they're happy." Wade shrugged, "And I think deep down, I knew it was never going to be me. People like her, good people, they don't end up with guys like me. They end up with the good guy."

"You are a good guy," Logan said sternly, startling Wade out of his half-reverie. "Annoying as fuck, a goddamn pervert, but you are a good guy."

Wade laughed softly, though it didn't reach his eyes. "I'm really, really not."

Logan shook his head, stepping closer. "You saved the world for her. For your family. For everybody. You took me in, even though I'm a dick, and I'm 'grumpy' and I'm an alcoholic, and we nearly kill each other every day. When I was nothing but...when I was just nothing to anybody. When I was the 'worst' Wolverine, you didn't give a fuck what I had to say or what anyone else had to say. You told me I'm the best Wolverine. Even when I wasn't. When I haven't been."

Logan poked a thick finger into his chest. "You. Are. A. Good. Guy. Wade Wilson. Fuck her."

"Logan," Wade began slowly, "I've done a lot of things. Some of them... well, let's just say if there's a line, I've not only crossed it, I've stomped it into the ground and done a little tap dance on it."

Logan's expression didn't change, his gaze steady as he waited for Wade to continue.

"I saved the world, but I also destroyed a lot of it in the process. I killed people. People who didn't deserve it, who were just... there. Wrong place, wrong time. And every time I do something good, it's like there's this... tally board, and all those bad things I've done, they just get louder, like they're reminding me of who I really am. Of what I am."

Logan stepped even closer, closing the gap between them, his presence solid and grounding. "You think I don't know what that's like? To be haunted by what you've done? Hell, Wade, I've been carrying that weight for longer than I care to remember. But that doesn't define us. You saved the world not because you were trying to erase your past, but because you wanted to make a future for people you care about. That's what matters."

"Why do you even care? Why are you trying so hard to convince me that I'm worth something?" Wade shot back, poking his chest. "Why does it matter to you so much?"

Logan leaned in closer, and Wade had to resist the urge to pull away from him, pull away from his minty breath and his clenched teeth and those steak knives he called claws. "Because if you're not worth something, then what the hell am I?"

Wade's breath hitched, his brain short-circuiting as Logan's words hung in the air between them. 

His pulse quickened, and he had to bite down on the inside of his cheek to stop himself from doing something stupid, like closing the distance and finding out exactly how Logan's lips would feel pressed against his. He could imagine it so clearly, the way Logan's hands would grip his arms—tight enough to leave bruises, to hold him in place—and the way those clawed fingers would curl into his flesh, leaving marks that would fade almost as soon as they appeared.

He wanted to push Logan, to see how far he could go before the older man snapped. He wanted to feel Logan's rough hands on his skin, to have him take out all that pent-up frustration on him in the most primal way possible. Wade's thoughts drifted to what it would be like to be under Logan, to have him growling his name, those low, guttural sounds that Wade had only ever heard when Logan was pissed off or in the middle of a fight.

But as much as Wade wanted to give in to those thoughts, he knew better. He knew that if he pushed too far, if he acted on the urge that was currently making it hard to think straight, he'd be risking everything. Whatever this was between them, it was fragile, and Wade wasn't sure if it could survive if he crossed that line.

So instead, Wade did what he always did—he deflected. He forced a smirk onto his face, even though his heart was pounding in his chest, and tried to push the thoughts of Logan's lips, Logan's hands, Logan's everything, out of his mind.

"Wow, Wolvie," Wade said, his voice coming out a little more breathless than he intended. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were flirting with me. You trying to get in my pants or something? Because, fair warning, I'm a cheap date—I'll put out after a few kind words and maybe a well-placed claw or two."

Logan's eyes narrowed, and for a moment, Wade thought he saw something flash in them—something dark and dangerous that made his stomach do a weird flip. But then Logan just huffed, shaking his head like Wade was a particularly annoying puzzle he couldn't figure out. "You really don't know when to shut up, do you?" Logan growled, but there was no real bite behind it.

Wade shrugged, trying to keep it casual even though his thoughts were anything but. "It's part of my charm. But seriously, Logan, if you're not trying to seduce me, you're doing a terrible job of convincing me otherwise. I mean, you're practically on top of me right now. A guy could get the wrong idea."

Logan's eyes flicked down to where their chests were almost touching, and for a brief moment, Wade thought he saw his resolve waver. But then Logan took a step back, putting some much-needed distance between them, and the moment was gone.

Because if you're not worth something, then what the hell am I?

Wade cleared his throat, trying to shake off the sudden tension."Well, uh, glad we got all of that mushy stuff out of the way," Wade stammered, his usual bravado faltering. "Blech, gross. We better get, uh... going. Yeah, going."

Logan didn't respond right away, his intense gaze still locked on Wade. The silence stretched between them, and for a moment, Wade wondered if he'd said something wrong. He was about to crack another joke, something to diffuse the weirdness, when Logan took a step closer.

Wade froze, his heart pounding in his chest. 

Then, without warning,

*RECORD SCRATCH*

Enticed? On the edge of your seat? Have your special sock out? If you liked that little snippet, you’ll love domestic poolverine. So what are you waiting for??? Click that link!!!

[headless609]

Cartman Angst

Ah Cartman, the bigoted, racist, sexist, overweight, bully, bullied, and a victim. Cartman is my favorite character and it’s not just because he is hilarious. If you watch the show and really looks into it, you can see why Cartman acts the way he does. Let’s start with the obvious. Cartman is fat. We see the show make fun and jab at his weight sense season 1. We see side characters such as Liane and his eye doctor to the main characters aka Kyle, Stan and Kenny making fun of his weight. Especially Kyle. I don’t think people realize how fucking mean Kyle was to Cartman (and Cartman hadn’t even done anything evil yet btw). Kyle is always and stills calls Cartman ‘fatsss.’ Speaking of the earlier seasons, remember Cartman’s eye doctor? Y’know, the one who had no chill and continuously bullied Cartman by calling him porky and just being devious? Yeah him.

Next I want to talk about Cartman’s home life. And it’s bad, like it’s as bad as Kenny. Not only is Cartman quite poor but his dad is gone and his mom is a prostitute. Not only does Cartman not get scolded by his mom but his mom brings in men that are there for sex. Sound bad? Yeah, you can imagine a guy finding Cartman’s room. And you might think, ‘Dude, you’re reading into this way too seriously.’  

We see that Cartman has been assaulted by his cousin and his Uncle, Jessie. We see this in Le Petite Tourette’s and in Fun with Veal. And this is just two of the many other occasions. 

Everyone knows the episode Scott Tenorman Must Die, where Cartman snapped and went batshit crazy. But most people don’t remember the banned episode where we see Scott again. Where we learn a dark truth. Cartman and Scott were step-brothers, Cartman had killed his own father, the father he had cried himself to sleep wishing he’d come back. And when we see him admit that he’s crying because of him being half ginger to his friends, all I can think is , ‘ Really? After all the tears that your pillow soaks?’ But then you think, would you tell some kids that have always bullied you because of your weight and you thought only hung out with you cause you bully people with them why you’re actually sad? HELL NO! Cartman may be crazy and a sociopath but he ain’t stupid. The reason he is able to stay with the gang is that they think he is cool (which they don’t) heck the only reason why they became a friend group was because Cartman bullied Pip! And with all that piled up, Cartman becomes insecure about himself and to make him feel better lashes out an everyone else, believing he is a victim in every scenario and everyone deserves to pay. 

And that is the debrief of the monster, Eric Cartman. The most hated South Park child in the show. 

There is so much I want to say about Cartman, and I tried to fit it in one Notes page. And I hate it whenever one says they hate Cartman because he is a nazi and all that shit. I understand, but please peel his onion skin and you’ll understand why Cartman is such a good character. This one is the longest one yet so thanks for those who were able to read the entire thing. 🥲

[the-bird-and-the-flute]

My experience reading william's so far

I'm at chapter 12 btw. Also, if you didn't read liam and harrison pls don't read this. Also, this may be an unpopular opinion about kate

yall, seriously. wiliam's route is sth else hahaha

So far, his MC to me is so so. I was not expecting her to fall in love so easily, which frustrated me. I thought it was going to be a slow burn like liam's but apparently that was not the case ('I'm reading chapter 12).

idk if kate is always like that in other routes (I'll definitely try to read all of the boys cuz they are all so batshit crazy and I love that) but she is way more gullible than I expected. Girl, you just don't trust a bunch of villains like that. They are not ordinary guys. Wake up!

I know it's not as if we could control who we'll love, but she deadass fell in love with harrison and william so fast imo. Particularly, I didn't like that.

In harrison's, I think she fell in love because he is so nice and polite. He seems the most normal guy of all of the boys. Just like lots of you mentioned when they released the EN server.

And in william's, it looks like that good girl falling in love with the bad guy, that one your parents always tell you to never get close to. Also, she could have fell in love with william because he was the one who taught her how to express herself and show her true colors.

It gives me the impression that kate sees william's as some sort of savior or deity. No matter what he does, she will trust and follow him. Not a fan of that tbh. And I'm saying that as a william lover.

But, at the same time, I like the fact she is not trying to erase her personality like other MCs in otome/josei just to please others. I'm pretty sure she will do something crazy in the next chapters, so I'm looking forward to it.

Also, I loved that in chapter 11 or 12, she realized she wanted william to kill avatus (is that his name? ahaha). Thank god a MC that is not that prude girl who accidentally is caught up in the middle of a bloodbath and tries to convince the suitor not to kill someone because killing is bad.

And william is so vicious. And that's exactly what I love him lol I highly recommend you read his route if you want to know who he really is. Just playing the events is not enough.

I noticed playing the events and his bday story that he loves freedom. But it never occurred to me that that was not only because he valued free will, but because it is some sort of kink of his.

While reading his route I have this impression that he is also being selfish doing that. And he is aware of that. After all, he is a villain. So, in the end, he also gains from their freedom.

And he not only applauds people when they do what they want but he is also considering letting people use him as they please in this process.

How many other women did he have sex with just to please them? And that reminds me of liam's route. Because liam and willliam to me look the same when it comes to that. I remember when liam implied he fucked a woman just because she wanted to.

I was shocked they had sex so soon on his route ahahha. I liked that kate was honest saying she wanted to have sex with him. I wonder if it's canon she is a virgin. She doesn't seem to be experienced at all.

But, at the same time, I have this bittersweet feeling that she is going too fast to experience everything she didn't try before without thinking about the consequences. I know in the end she will get what she wants, as she is the MC, but this could have ended up on a REALLY bad note for her because william is not in love with her. And if they say later on that he was in love with her since the beginning, I don't know if I'll buy that tbh. Let's see if I'll change my mind.

Did you imagine if the bad end was william rejecting her after fucking kate over and over again for 1 month? This girl would be devastated.

That being said, I love william to death. He is exactly the bad guy I was looking for - manipulative, strong-willed, seductive, has good manners and he is not ashamed of living his best life.

But I can't self-insert in his route. Kate sometimes seems too emotionally dependent on william for my taste. Luckily, in william's events, I think she has a more pleasant personality and is more independent.

I also love the plot so far. Seeing William exterminating butterfly is so fucking entertaining. He has the most wicked ideas of how to order someone to die.

And the revelation he killed his dad was also shocking to me. As I saw in liam and harrison's route that liam's dad was alive and harrison loved his father, and roger's seems to have a nice or normal relationship with his father, I thought we would get the chance to meet william's dad too. But yeah, that is not gonna happen lmao. And I'm glad william killed his father. That guy was hideous.

I wonder if other people in william's family have that curse as well.

Oh, and harrison was so accurate in describing william here. William is not only cruel when he kills people, but when he flirts with them too, even if it's unintentional.

[herestomyhaters]

i have remained silent for too long. i forgot to post this so here are my thoughts on 2x06/2x07!! as always brought to you by a bisexual black girl 🫡

i understand it's a teen drama so cheating is bound to happen but lorddd i was really hoping they wouldn't do that w/ noa cause i hate that bi stereotype. atp it's just bad writing bc why would she want to be w/ jen after all the batshit crazy things she's done ???

call me crazy but i Do Not think shawn punched that whole in the wall and even if he did i still don't trust jen (why would anyone 💀)

also were they expecting him not to react after noa's been cheating since JUVIE, all the lying and the stealing ???

hope i won't need to backtrack here (that'd suck) but why are ppl so obsessed w/ christian being evil/related to bloody rose somehow?? like besides being too obvious i really don't think they would do that to tabby again. also it feels jarring that ppl want to assume the black guy is the threat

i want more 1:1 moments between the girls!! the only dynamic that's been explored so far is tabogen (we got faran/imogen crumbs last week). praying for that in s3

is it me or are all of imogen & johnny's scenes just her trauma dumping myyy god. don't get me wrong i like them together but it just sends me, i also wish they'd explored the whole "player" trope a bit more it could've been interesting to see. i just don't know how believable it is to go from THAT to loverboy in the span of an episode but i guess we have the 8-episode season aspect to blame

redemption house was CRAZY. it was giving "is this fucking play about us?" tbh it ate

speaking of crazy kelly has fully lost it. imogen clocking her was one of my fave moments in the episode. looove imogen she's easily become my top 3

there is also no way kelly's dead

"HENRY, you're a dancer. most of your friends are GAY"

faran and greg: where to even start. i saw this ship coming before the season even started and (hear me out) i do not think they'll be endgame. i personally don't hate greg (maybe it's just elias' charisma) but it feels very contradicting to the show's values to pair faran & greg together. still, it is a semi-realistic situation. i just hope they proceed with caution & are smart about whatever happens next. i do not want faran to be babysitting him into becoming a decent human being

just need to bring up the "my cousin kevin, who lives in riverdale" moment cause i was crying w laughter. this show is so unserious sometimes (shoutout kevin keller tho)

speaking of gays i was quite surprised bi noa wasn't canon already?? might be bc maia has spoken about it many times but i always assumed she was already out 😭

besides that, the fact that NONE of them called noa out for cheating??? they were like "yesss queen slay 😍". i can't, feeling so sorry for shawn atp

also imogen bursting out laughing when noa brought up the "throuple" thing even she was weirded tf out

bloody mary playing while they raided redemption house was ICONIC

that bloody rose reveal was INSANE. imogen tearing the mask off??? bailee's emmy worthy scream queen moment (AGAIN)??!

do y'all have any theories for tabby's final girl moment/who br is? how are u liking the season so far? lmk your thoughts and we can kiki 🫶🏽

[the-spirited-one]

So… I, again, have the attention span of a fucking squirrel, so I’ve started working on ANOTHER AU, this one inspired by two wild, goofy ideas @amimuu and @bioquill came up with! 1) What if COTL was one of those really bad webtoons where the lamb was a Mary Sue protagonist and Narinder was controlled by a guy who used to make fun of it, and 2) Aym and Baal never went to the Veil so Narinder spent those thousand years all alone and lost his mind, creating a whole other world in his head. (I.e. ours.) I LOVE these batshit-crazy concepts so Imma just *consumes brainfood*

So, I decided to combine these two and a few unrelated things into something even wilder: a world where Narinder was killed by the lamb in a fit of rage after their battle, because the lamb was furious he asked them to sacrifice themselves to him after all they did. (They fell in love with him and were hoping to be with Narinder forever) But once the lamb realizes what they just did, it’s too late. Narinder’s body has already disappeared into the veil and without his bones, there’s no way to revive him.

The lamb spends the next 100 years wallowing in their grief and fury at themselves, slowly becoming corrupted by the Red Crown and turning away from the kindness they used to show their followers, pretty much becoming like the Bishops. And ALL OF THIS exists in another world as a damn furry webtoon.

A webtoon Narinder, reincarnated as someone else in the human world, has read and shits on endlessly. Unfortunately for him, he’s been diagnosed with an incurable condition that’s set to kill him in a few months. Now laying in the hospital, he’s scrolling through this stupid comic one more time since he figures he doesn’t have much time left and he may as well die entertained. Which he does.

Until the Mystic Seller ✨yoinks✨ him through the Gateway, back in his old body, and plops him on the ground in front of the lamb.

This ought to be interesting!

I’ve decided to post this fic to Wattpad, and this the rough sketch of the cover art!

(There is also no name for this dipshit story and I am absolutely open to suggestions.)

[ircn-mvn]

Alpha/Alpha 1

Inspired by Speak No Evil by Exonerin

TW: omegaverse, mental health

Iruka did his best not to look up and keep both eyes on the twenty-ish kids throwing sharp objects around him. It was harder than usual though as he couldn’t help but wonder why Tsunade was in such a bad mood and who the hell was growling and using their alpha voice while talking to the Hokage of all people. They were either dumb or crazy or both. 

Unfortunately, Iruka found out soon enough.

There was a loud crash coming from the Hokage’s office and then multiple people came out from the windows and landed in the middle of Iruka’s students. 

He recognized most of them easily enough. They were all jounins. The usual gang including Kurenaï, Asuma, Guy, Izumo, Kotetsu, and even Genma. But the one who caught Iruka’s attention was no other than Kakashi.

Iruka hadn’t seen him in a while. Probably since Naruto left with Jiraya-Sama. 

He had wondered what the man had been up to since all his students had found new senseis and the answer clearly was: nothing good.

Kakashi looked exhausted and bloodied. His eyes — both of them! — were unfocused, and his posture was way too aggressive for an adult facing Iruka’s six-year-olds.

“Kakashi,” Asuma said.

He was tense. They all were. And that was when Iruka realized this wasn’t some crazy jounins stupid game. Kakashi truly was out of it�� and he had his sharingan looking at the pre-genins.

“My —” Guy started then seemed to think better of it and his expression grew horrifyingly serious. “Kakashi, you’re scaring the children.”

Iruka’s children. Who were all holding kunai and shuriken and probably all looked like threats despite the fact they definitely were not. At least not to Sharingan no Kakashi. 

Kakashi’s eyes narrowed and many weapons fell to the ground as tears started to run down the pre-genins’ faces. Iruka was trying to come up with the fastest and smartest way to get them all out of harm’s way. And he was failing.

“Kakashi, you need to calm the fuck down,” Asuma growled.

Literally. Using his alpha voice and getting surprised hiccups from the children. 

Kakashi on the other hand only growled right back and took a step toward Asuma, and more importantly, toward Iruka’s students. He went as far as to pick up a kunai from his belt when some of them failed to move quickly enough, and that broke Iruka’s restraint — and survival instinct.

“Enough,” Iruka said.

Or growled, he wasn’t sure. What he knew was that he had just used his alpha voice on probably the strongest shinobi Konoha had birthed since the Sanins, and considering said shinobi and alpha had gone batshit crazy, it couldn’t possibly end well for him.

Except Kakashi froze.

The ongoing growl coming from behind his mask suddenly died and he blinked at Iruka, eyes wide. For a moment, Iruka wondered if Kakashi felt so offended by Iruka’s order it had actually broken the mind state he had been in but then the second ticked by and he still wasn’t moving. He still was looking at Iruka like… Like he was waiting for him to tell him what to do. 

That couldn’t be right.

“Iruka,” Kurenaï said.

But he didn’t dare to break eye contact with Kakashi. Even if he could feel the jounins’ gazes on him. All of them. 

Iruka took a deep breath before his next move.

“Drop the weapon,” he ordered. 

And Kakashi did, his fingers uncurling immediately. He still looked wild but more like a deer-caught-in-headlights kind of wild. 

“The children are going to leave, you are not going to move, am I clear?”

Iruka wasn’t sure if he was still using his alpha voice or just his teacher’ voice but still, Kakashi nodded slowly. Obediently. It made no sense. They were both alphas. And also Iruka knew he was better than most people thought he was, he was honest with himself and knew he wasn’t Kakashi’s level. Far from it. The jounin could have killed him a hundred times by now. Should have too considering his mental state.

[bagelsand-creamcheemse]

Friendly reminder that even if voting seems hopeless and like yours won’t do anything, you should still 10000% get out and do it tomorrow if you haven’t already. This election is not just a fight for the presidency but so so so many other positions. Your vote for local candidates, which you absolutely should be paying attention to, I PROMISE will count far more than you expect.

My local school board has three places in the running this year: each of them has 1 super normal candidate (2 of which are incumbents that have done a great job so far) and 1 batshit crazy opponent. the cuckoo-for-coco-puffs candidates are as follows:

1) a guy who was at the jan 6 insurrection and is running his campaign on essentially “lgbt and dei ideology is destroying student’s brains and opportunities” and the only way to fix the system is to go back to the good ol days and stop limiting “normal” students or whatever.

2) a white christian nationalist who has openly said she was christian nationalist “and that should tell you where I stand on most things” and supports extensive book banning and also going back to the good ol days.

3) a guy who is potentially less cuckoo for coco puffs but is still an absolute dingus that has literally no idea what’s going on. his campaign statements for various publications include a lot of “oh I don’t know how they’re doing things these days but I think we need to fix something. when I was on the board ten years ago we did it like X, but I dunno what they’ve done in the time since then or what it’s like now. I just know parents don’t seem to feel heard. we should change that.” with zero examples of any details or plans on how that would be achieved.

I can’t remember if that last guy is endorsed by them or not but I know that Moms for Liberty have endorsed the first two for sure, which is more than enough evidence for me to not want them in office even if I didn’t already know any of the above other stuff. (if you don’t know who Moms for Liberty are, they’re a group advocating for the removal of any mention of LGBTQ+ rights, gender and sexuality, critical race theory, race & ethnicity, discrimination, and more from school curriculums, and, as far as I can tell, were also initially formed to fight mask and vaccine mandates during COVID.)

If you think the climate is not as bad locally as it is nationally I can assure you that is not the case. I never would have imagined my city specifically — an average sized one with its own pride festival located in the greater hub of an even bigger left-wing metropolis — to have anyone like the three above to be seriously in the running. And yet here we are. The difference here is that there are far less constituents in a local election than there are nationwide, and a single voice weighs infinitely more here.

Research your local ballots and throw your support behind those who would support you — don’t let crazy people who hate your guts to get into your local school board or in a local judiciary position just because you didn’t feel like it would matter. Those are the people who will be making education decisions for your friends and families, who will be presiding over any cases that you and yours get involved in over the years of this next term.

You can’t always rely on the party markers on the ballots either — your area may have non partisan school board or judicial districts, which would only list the names of those running and nothing more. Sometimes a polling location will have party representatives set up outside to tell you which candidate falls under their party endorsement, but not every location will.

If you don’t know where to start for research, getting a sample ballot from your county’s website and just searching the names on it and going to their campaign websites to evaluate their policy statements (and check for any dog whistles) is always a really simple start. If your town/city/county has an active subreddit or facebook group, there may be people who have posted more candidate/campaign information there. If you live in Texas like I do, the League of Women Voters of Texas is a good resource for basic voter guides as well.

Please don’t let the doom and gloom mindset prevent you from having an active say in the people who represent you and make decisions for your community. With the way the political climate is right now, it may be a decision that haunts you for years. Get out and vote tomorrow.

[flowitch]

okay i actually do have so many thoughts about dynamite

kyle hesitantly leaving will to follow don was so good and so sad

britt & mercedes is the natural choice for a wembley match, i just hope that britt learned how to wrestle while she was away so mercedes doesn't have to carry her like stat did

I'm glad britt's okay, that shit sounds so awful and scary. her & adam can't catch a break with head injuries

there's an alternate universe out there where britt is a heel and joins the evps and goes by her god given name brittany

hangman's new theme (as far as i can tell from the one time we've heard it) is great and fits him perfectly. the dim yellow lighting is also so perfect for his presentation. i saw someone on twitter say that they should pay for hurt by johnny cash to be his theme for PPVs and i think that'd be so awesome

thank god the cowboy is home. there was a distinct lack of cowboy these past few months

using jeff jarrett's real life investment & babyfaceism in the owen as a way to get hanger more heel heat was fantastic

the crowd doing the swerve's house chants to hanger was so fucked up when you remember they're chanting for the dude that broke into hanger's house and his child's bedroom LMAO that shit was so crazy. he has every right to go batshit after being made the bad guy. babyface swerve & heel hanger ended up being inspired booking

hangmatt i missed you so dearly. the angst is wonderful but i was sad for a moment missing the elite being all together. so much has happened in the past year!

i need kris statlander in ways I'm not allowed to say publicly

stat vs willow was great per usual. honestly if they wanted to run that again at wembley maybe with a stip that'd be awesome

bryan vs pac was great as expected. i did some looking and the only times they've fought 1-on-1 was once in 2007 for roh and once in 2009 for a UK indie promotion

will vs danny was great. usually my dad and i joke that certain people in matches have a -3% chance of winning when we can guess the booking but in this instance i upped danny to a 40%. i feel like he honestly had a shot based on the storyline they're doing with will. even though he didn't win im glad he has a feud now instead of just squashes or run-ins to help other people

it was def time to turn mjf fully heel again. i think his babyface run was great especially during the btybb era but being a heel is his bread and butter so it was def time.

we should all start assuming someone's about to die when they're wearing white. that's how u know the blood is coming

one minute danny is thrusting in will's face and the next he's dead, daddy magic has his eyes ripped out, and mjf is throwing trash at fans while they attempt to fist fight him

I'm so so so excited that the build to all in has started. they have so much time for it i think it's gonna be amazing

mark briscoe declaring for blood & guts made me very happy. he's gonna do some crazy shit. i really wish the acclaimed weren't in it because i cannot stand max caster but sadly that's probably happening. i keep thinking maybe swerve will declare since they hinted it & that's what'll help the bucks convince hanger to join their team. I'm all for them being in forced close proximity and angst happening. god bless

there was a chompy-shaped hole in the heart of this year's shark week episode. i liked him terrorizing commentary last year. speaking of commentary, taz being kicked off commentary should be considered a crime

i think that's all for now

[marianas-trench-is-not-that-deep]

My (Pretty Quick) Review on Haven - Marianas Trench (2024)

PSA: So my plan is to write a total of probably 3 reviews of Haven. this one being the short one with just rating each song from 1-10 with small commentary. the second being an extension of this one with better commentary for each song, and the third being a review as an album in general instead of focusing on each song. I just have way too many thoughts and I don't want to overwhelm anyone with everything in one post. It also helps me keep my thoughts organized. I just want to join in the fun (despite me being a few weeks late to the party)

okie thanks! :D

Normal Life: ngl it took me a few listens to really like it. But when it hit, it HIT. Not the best opener in their discography tho. 8/10

Lightning and Thunder: i like it as a single, but kind of flops compared to the other songs in the album. Still a bop tho 6/10

I’m Not Getting Better: it took me a two relistens to like it. Again, good as a single but something about it just gives “FOR RADIO”. Can tell they drew some inspo from the 80s and seems a little Astoria-esque (still don’t know if I like it tho). 5/10

Down to You: first single that I automatically fell in love with. However, it sounds way too similar to Kid Laroi’s Stay in some parts and I don’t like that 💀 7/10

Now or Never: 😬 guys, I’ve seen your reviews and I was surprised to see this was a fan favorite. It was not mine (pls don’t kill me 💀). Lyrics,, a little cheesy. Production,, a little boring to me tbh. However not a bad song. Vocals are killer - as always - 4/10

Into the Storm: lyrics are nice (still a little cheesy tho). Production and composition, awesome ! Josh really worked his ass fr. Love the crescendos here. Sounds like it will be killer live. 7/10

Ancient History: another fan favorite for some reason that I was surprised with. Melodically: fan of the verses, not a fan of the chorus (more on that later). Saxophone goes HARD tho 🎷🎷 serviceable bop 5/10

Stand and Fight: pretty good song in the context of the album. Not so good standalone (a little debatable). Josh’s vocals made me tear up hear tho. Gets pretty inspiring 🥹 7/10

Turn and Run: same review as stand and fight except it’s inspiring in a different way. To me: (masterpiece theater II —> Masterpiece Theater 2009) = (turn and run —> Haven 2024) idk if that makes sense but it’s an analogy. Sounds like it’ll be killer in live 6/10

Worlds Collide: BANGER BANGER BANGER. I liked it when I first heard it but it took me til the third to be like “ 🥹I get it.” This song was made for ME. The masterpiece theater references made me tear up. The drama, the composition. Spectacular. However, in the context of the album, it gets held back. More on this song later. 9.75/10

Nights Like These: giving “story of tonight”. Sweet message. Sweet song. (Congrats to josh btw!)6/10

Remember Me By: SLAPS!! Straight up. Loved it as soon as I heard it. Catchy and love the 80s vibe here a lot more. Also reminds me of Try Me from his solo project. Certified BOP 9/10

Haven: KILLER OUTRO! Once more, marianas Trench knocks it out of the park with their outros. I think this is their most ambitious and musically complex song yet and it tears me up how far they’ve come 🥲🥲. 10/10⭐️

Final Notes: Solid album, not my favorite album. I have a bajillion more thoughts on this album because I’m batshit crazy about Marianas Trench. I’m so HAPPY we got new music and hopefully I get to see them soon!!! (my date got postponed 🥲)

Overall Rating: 8/10 💕

Stay tuned for my in depth analysis 👍

[yuri-ray]

No-Spoilers Review #1: Otherside Picnic (Urasekai Picnic)

Content Warnings: guns, general horror genre themes and visuals

Starting with a series I own in print, it's Otherside Picnic by Iori Miyazawa, a novel series with manga and anime adaptations. This series is half horror and half yuri romance, about two university students exploring and being harrowed by a world full of urban legend horrors.

Is it good? Yes! I recommend it very highly to anybody who can take a little horror.

After all... as the author said himself... "This too is yuri."

Before I start, yes, it's THAT Iori Miyazawa who popularized the concept of "yuri of absence" in a batshit crazy pair of interviews. I think a lot of people would read that and assume that his actual work, Otherside Picnic, is full of bait and subtext. It's not. It's a slow-burn, sure, but it's legitimately canon and it's really good, OK? This guy knows what he's doing.

Anyway...

Our two leads are two university students, Sorawo Kamikoshi (the brown-haired girl in the art) and Toriko Nishina (the blonde girl). All of Otherside Picnic is told from Sorawo's perspective. While urban exploring, Sorawo stumbles upon a portal to the Otherside, a dangerous realm of urban legends and internet horrors (imagine famous Japanese creepypastas). She meets Toriko and they explore the Otherside and how its horrors leak into the real world and their perceptions, pulling them in and becoming more dangerous over time.

What I love most about Otherside Picnic is how complicated Sorawo and Toriko are as people. Sorawo is both extremely relatable at times and also extremely unrelatable at others. She is not a self-insert protagonist in the slightest, and she's not even a good person. She doesn't care about others very much. Meanwhile, Toriko has some difficulties with social situations and is overall a pretty normal (in comparison) likeable person with realistic worries. The two of them become closer organically and, yes, they do kiss eventually. No one is an idiot and all of their conflicts make sense.

The horror is also good and well-executed. It's decently scary and the world of the Otherside is intriguing and unpredictable, but not in any bullshit way. The horror drives the plot just as much as the romance does, and the manga does an amazing job bringing the novel's descriptions to life with creative paneling and art.

A supporting character, Kozakura, is that classic maligned trope of an adult that looks very young because she's short. However, Kozakura genuinely acts like a normal independent adult, and is a very likeable character who is the voice of reason.

As a side note, Iori Miyazawa also happens to like guns. The leads carry them as defense against malicious Otherside entities and there's a scene where Sorawo expresses pretty abject disgust at a tank designed to kill civilians, so it's not pro-military or whatever. It doesn't go in-depth because neither Sorawo nor Toriko care for them.

Final thoughts:

THE ANIME IS REALLY BAD. It totally misses the point and all of the things that really makes this series stand out--the episodes got shuffled for no reason which caused plotholes and character progression issues galore, and it cuts out all of the scenes where Sorawo and Toriko actually talk properly to each other. Plus the budget is like, one corn chip.

THE MANGA IS REALLY GOOD. It takes a lot of care to really adapt everything from the novel, which means that although updates are slow, you get to see everything Sorawo feels and thinks.

This series is one of my top favorite yuris, which I recommend to basically anyone who likes romance and doesn't mind some spooky visuals (or anyone who likes horror and doesn't mind some girls navigating complex feelings). It has close to no explicit gore. I'm currently up to date on everything... I can write a lot more on this, but these are my spoiler-free thoughts. The title references Roadside Picnic (the inspiration for the game S.T.A.L.K.E.R.) which is an inspiration for the series, but as I've never read it, I can't say more than that.

[taikk0]

I COMPLETELY FORGOT MY LITTLE PARK EXISTED NOW I'M REWRITING THE ENTIRE FIRST EPISODE OF MLP FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC BUT WITH CUSS WORDS AND SOUTH PARK-ESQUE HUMOR PURELY BECAUSE THE OBSESSION IS EATING ME ALIVE (any batshit crazy/insanely funny jokes you recommend for me to insert, since you are the og My Little Park fan? :))) )

OH I MIGHT HAVE A FEW...

Randy (Celestia) gaslights the audience, lying about why his wife (Sharon takes the role of Luna) got banished to the moon in the intro, turns out the reason she got sent to the moon was all his fault, and not because she's actually evil, and he's just an asshole of a princess and a really shit ruler. No one has any idea how Equestria is still standing

THIS JOKE during the scene where Lemon Hearts, Twinkleshine, and Minuette invite Twilight to Moondancer's party and she declines. I have no idea who the other three are in the AU but this is just so in character for Stan imo

the creator of the AU mentioned that Stan, Randy, and Sharon have never met in person before, and Randy and Stan have only communicated through letters. I think it would be really funny to have an emotional moment where Sharon and Randy are revealed to be his parents "you saved me... I'm so proud of you, my son..." and everyone gasps but disingenuously, like a "WWHAAT!! NO WAY!! 😱😱" like they were played by bad actors since it's been so obvious since the very beginning, where the audience knows that the rulers of Equestria are Randy and Sharon and end up making the connection early on, but the characters don't. And I find it so funny if their reaction was genuine for the characters but not in the delivery to make a jab at the "twist" everyone saw coming. "you've grown so much since I last saw you I almost didn't recognize you! I love you so much... I-I'm sorry" "no no, it's okay Mom! you tried to murder me because you felt alone and unloved, isolated... [MY LITTLE PONY THEME STARTS TO PLAY IN THE BACKGROUND] Without friendship and without the love in your heart, you turned into something monstrous. The envy and hatred you must have felt for the princess was too much! because she was always a better leader, and let everyone in Equestria do what they wanted! so you decided to use your gift for selfishness and misdeeds that-" "wait what?! what are you talking about?! I wasn't banished to the moon because I was jealous of Celestia!" "you... weren't..?" "I was banished to the moon because SHE thought I was a nagging bitch for wanting her to be a better ruler!! she kept forgetting to lower the sun. and when she wasn't, she said she needed some extra time for her pot farm to get more sunlight! like for christ's sake Randy these people haven't gotten any sleep for almost a month now and all you do is sit on your ass in the throne room doing fuck all while everyone in the kingdom went hysterical!! and-" "Randy?? wait. if you're my mom, then does that mean that the princess...?" "That's right my faithful student!" Randy descends from the heavens like a dove with an evangelical light beaming behind him "I... am your father." and shit happens I guess idk I'm not a writer this is probably so very very terrible but hope I got the point across, but after this, I want stans whole takeaway to be: "holy shit princess, you're my dad?!" to "oh. this is the princess...? AND my dad?"

Craig introducing the Tucker family but most of them are just stripes. going from photos of stripe #1 to #11 sliding to each photo that all look exactly the same, but skipping #4. later introducing #4 along with Thomas, Laura, and Tricia. this makes absolutely no sense, I just found it funny to have a ridiculous replacement for the Apple family scene because there's no way we can naturally replace it. "Why are there so many stripes?" "That's his extended side of the family."

Something about flutter-butters and these birds

Just Cartman in this au. he is so uncharacteristically nice and fun and loveable that I think every scene he's in he needs to be so sickeningly sweet and all of South Park loves him that he makes the audience uncomfortable by being the complete opposite of who he actually is. like rabbi cartman but cranked up to the max.

"The true meaning of friendship isn't to face your hardships alone, it's to drag other people down with you <3" and everyone celebrates like there's absolutely nothing wrong with that friendship lesson Kyle steps out from the crowd "Y'now, I learned something today too, and it's that-" and the camera pans to Randy, Sharon, and Stan having their own conversation that moves the story along. You can still hear Kyle in the background, and you can still hear him talking and doing hand gestures out of focus. No one is paying attention to Kyle.

Something about Craig being the element of honesty but sounding like he's lying all the time but it's literally just how he talks and it never changes

Not really a joke idea, but the thought of Cartman singing the laughter song, especially with his voice and weird accent is so funny to me that I really wish someone could make an ai cover of it..................

BALD KENNY?????? I'M REWATCHING THE EPISODES RIGHT NOW AND THE THOUGHT OF KENNY JUST SPENDING HALF THE EPISODE BALD IS SO FUNNY PLEASE LET HIM BE BALD

Something I really want to see in this rewrite personally (and My Little Park content in general) is the way you can parody MLP when it's mixed in with a show like South Park, and how ridiculous it is to see South Park mixed in with a show like MLP. Make it a self-aware Steven Universe but it's the version of Steven Universe that the Steven Universe haters think it is. And make the Disney Junior version of Family Guy.

anddddddd that's it for me LOL not really much of a writer. good luck on the rewrite though, hope you have fun!! ^^ To be honest, I'm not really that funny either, and the thought of writing my own south park jokes, especially with the jokes that are IN South Park?? YEAH NO SORRY I AM STAYING SO FAR AWAY 💀 That's what I like about My Little Park, I get to enjoy South Park without enjoying South Park. I have such a love-hate relationship with SP it's RIDICULOUS. I like South Park but only version of it I made up in my head <3

[banannabethchase]

Good Vibrations - also on AO3

~

So, Anarchy in the Arena is already batshit crazy, right? So how could the Elite, known lunatics, and BCC, known BDSM enthusiasts, make it more out of control? Vibrators.

~

I cannot stress enough how much of a bad idea it is to do ANY OF WHAT'S IN THIS FIC in real life. Don't accidentally involve your friends in your sex stuff without them knowing. Don't - don't use vibrators when you're doing something for work. I just. I can't stress enough that this is a work of chaotic fiction that should NOT BE TAKEN AS REALITY and should never be replicated. Also, heed the tags.

The middle section of the fic is from the perspectives of Matt then Mox of the Anarchy in the Arena match...but way hornier. I spent like 3 hours rewatching the match to find every point where the vibrator thing could have affected their movements. But it's important to note that this is a written retelling of the match.

Without further ado, here we go. I'm ending up on a list for this fic, that's for damned sure.

~

Part 1: The Buildup

~

Matt

“Oh, Christ. You’re serious.” Matt studies Mox’s face for a minute, trying to figure out where the hell this is coming from. And if he has ears in the Elite hotel rooms, where Matt and Adam had been talking about something like this just the night before. “I knew you were insane, but…”

“It adds another stipulation,” Yuta says, like he needs to explain it further. “We both know you like to up the stakes, right?”

“My brother’s the gambler,” Matt says. He glances over at Adam, who hasn’t moved. “What do you think?”

“If Matt’s doing it, then one of your guys has to do it,” Adam says. He’s firm, steady. Matt loves him for it. “If you really want to up the ante, we have to make it balanced, right?” Matt watches as his grin goes a little dirty. “I say it should be Mox.”

Mox’s jaw drops. “What?!”

“Don’t act like you wouldn’t,” Adam says. He throws an arm around the back of the couch, and Matt settles back into it. “Nobody in here is under the illusion that you’re unfamiliar with it.”

Yuta grins a little bit.

“You, shut up,” Mox says, shoving Yuta’s shoulder with his. “Who controls my remote?”

“Me,” Adam says. “Obviously.” He turns to Matt. “Who do you want to control yours?”

“Wait, we’re doing this?!” Matt asks. Sure, he’s popping a semi over the idea. Sure, he and Adam were just talking about this. But it feels a little overwhelming now that it’s a possibility. “We’re putting vibrators in our asses during Anarchy in the Arena. Just making this clear.”

“You are,” Adam says, stroking Matt’s arm. “And Mox.”

Matt shivers and leans into the touch, because he’s been a sucker for touches like this all his life and that absolutely doesn’t stop for Adam. “I’m only gonna agree if he agrees.”

Mox shrugs. “I mean, sure. Not the first time I’ve had something inside me during a match.” He turns to Yuta and grins. “Remember Forbidden Door last year?”

“Okay, that’s more detail than I need,” Matt mumbles. “You have to swear. I’m not doing this on my own.”

“What, you don’t think your brother wants in?”

Matt wrinkles his nose. “Ew. No, I will not be involving my brother in – in whatever this is.” He curls more into Adam’s side. “Actually, do we have to tell them? I’d rather not tell them.”

“Like, any of them?” Yuta asks. “That feels weird. Like, illegal or something.”

“It’s not,” Mox says. “Even so, you just can’t get caught.” He winks at Matt. “’Less that’s something you like.”

Matt feels himself blush. “Shut up.”

“Oh! I was joking!” Mox leans forward and licks his lips, arms braced on his thighs. “You want us to make you get caught?”

“Mox, please stop trying to seduce my boyfriend when I’m right here,” Adam says. He sounds exhausted, not angry, at least. “It’s my job to fuck him in public, not yours.”

“Oh my god,” Matt mumbles. He has a sudden image of all three of them, in the middle of the ring, going absolutely bananas all over him.

“You’re blushing,” Yuta says. “It’s cute. Can I hold your remote?”

“Can – really?”

Yuta nods.

“I mean, I guess?” Matt says. “This is super weird. Are we really doing this?”

“Only if you’re comfortable with it,” Adam says. “And if you change your mind, it’s off.” He stares down Mox and Yuta. “Right?”

“Yeah, of course,” Mox says, leaning back in his chair. “I’m in it, though. Cowboy over there gets my remote, Yuta over here gets yours, yeah?”

Matt nods. “Yeah, we can do that. Just.” He squirms a little. “We need a safe word.”

“Good, Matty,” Adam says, pressing a kiss to Matt’s temple.

“Ugh, they’re cute,” Mox says. “Yuta, why aren’t we this cute?”

“Because you’re annoying,” Yuta replies. “Mine’s treadmill. I probably won’t need it, though, since I’m not, um.” He grins. “I’m not the one with the vibrator.”

“Scrapbook,” Adam says. “But, same deal.”

Matt and Mox lock eyes, not exactly on purpose.

“Prickly pear,” Mox says, and he doesn’t break eye contact.

“Paisley,” Matt murmurs. “That’s mine.”

Adam leans in and kisses the side of Matt’s head. “So we good?” Adam says.

Yuta nods, head in his phone. “Already have two of them shipping to Vegas. Probably be here tonight.”

“My boy works fast,” Mox says. He pulls Yuta in and rubs his cheek against the top of his head, which seems weird. But it works for them, so Matt won’t judge. “We’ll drop it off at your hotel room when it gets here.”

“Cool,” Adam says, standing up. “When we beat y’alls asses Sunday night, we’ll meet up at the hotel room again, yeah?” He winks, and Matt has to remember he’s supposed to be standing up.

Yuta drops his phone, and Mox starts grinning.

“Interesting,” Mox says. “What’re you offering, Cowboy?”

Adam laughs and grabs Matt’s hand. “You’ll see Sunday night.”

~

The next day, Matt returns to the hotel room he shares with Adam after a gym session to see a brown box on the doorstep. It’s innocuous enough until he reads the note taped to the top.

Buzz buzz Buck

“Oh, for the love of god,” Matt grumbles. He looks around quickly and grabs the box, using his key to unlock the door.

“Adam,” he says, “Adam, the box is here.”

“Box?” Adam asks. He’s still in bed, glasses on and nose in a book. Matt takes him in for a moment, lets himself remember that this is his again. He sets the book down. “What box?”

Matt tosses the box to him, and watches him read the note.

“Ah,” Adam says. “That box.” He grins. “We should probably make sure it works.”

They’re late to a meeting with Tony, but it’s worth it.

~

Matt wakes up Sunday morning curled around Adam, head resting on his chest. He nuzzles in, desperate to catch the sleep before it wisps away from him.

“Today’s the day,” he mumbles against Adam’s skin. “You ready?”

“As I’ll ever be,” Adam says. “Are you?”

“Not my first hardcore match, and I got that shoe idea I told you about.”

Adam shifts them so he can look at Matt a little better. “Not exactly what I meant.”

Matt blushes, but he can’t fight his grin. “Oh. Yeah. Yeah, I’m excited.”

Adam leans in and kisses him. “Let’s go kick some Blackpool Bottoms Club ass.”

~

Part 2: The Match

~

Matt

“Okay,” he says. “It’s – it’s in.” He shifts.

Adam grins at him. “You good?”

Matt wiggles. “I – sort of?” He wiggles again, trying to get used to the vibrator. It’s not even on and already he’s a little disoriented. “Text Mox. Make sure he’s doing his, too.”

“I’m sure that freaky old bastard is,” Adam says, but he texts anyway.

“Hey! He’s younger than me!”

Adam pauses and looks at Matt. “Oh,” he says, a little baffled. “Oh, shit. You’re right.” His grin goes fond. “You’re my freaky old bastard.”

Matt throws a shoe at him, gently, though, and Adam bats it away with ease.

They get their gear in order and make it back to gorilla. Adam bumps the back of Matt’s hand. “You okay, baby?”

Matt nods. “Yeah. Arm’s good, I’m feeling good. Ready to get out there.”

Adam leans in, lips brushing Matt’s ear in a way that makes him incredibly aware of the vibrator suddenly. “Not what I meant.”

“Oh,” Matt says. He’s pretty sure his heart rate just sky rocketed. “Um, yeah. Good. So good.”

Adam laughs and kisses the side of his head. “Let’s go fuck ‘em up, baby.”

“Can you stay? Next to me, I mean?” Matt says it before he can stop it. “I know you usually –”

“Of course,” Adam says. He moves some of Matt’s hair off his shoulder so it falls down his back. “I’m right here. Paisley, right?”

Matt nods. “Paisley.” He wiggles again, hoping it’s dark enough back here that nobody can see him. “But I don’t need it.”

“But if you do,” Adam says, and there’s a bit of stern teacher behind it that makes Matt feel a little fizzy in a way he wasn’t expecting.

“Um. Yeah, yeah. I’ll say it.” With a quick glance around, Matt goes up on his toes and kisses Adam, quickly. “For luck.”

“For luck,” Adam says, an arm still around Matt’s waist.

Justin Roberts introduces them and their music hits, the four of them next to each other. Back where they belong once again.

Adam takes the lead as they make their way up the ramp, but stays just close enough to Matt. Close enough to remind him they’re a team together. He thinks Adam belongs up in the front, like that. Leading the team.

He wants to walk with him, follow him around the ring, but he knows this business well and Adam and Kenny are going around that side. So he’ll go around the front with Nick. The song feels familiar, comforting, and when Matt sees Kenny and Adam singing together, he doesn’t care what happens tonight. He doesn’t care who hurts him, if they lose, if they get their asses whooped. They’re together again. That matters. They’re in the ring, singing together, on the same side in a match. It’s been years.

And then an electric spark zings up his spine, and every thought he’s ever had leaves his mind as the music starts. He looks to see the BCC make their way down two different sets of stairs. Mox and Yuta don’t even have the audacity to be together, the pricks.

“Adam,” Matt says, voice tight. He puts his hand on his back, gripping the leather jacket for stability. “Adam, I – oh, god. Yuta turned it on.”

Adam turns to him, smiling. “You good?”

Matt nods, rolling his shoulder. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m good.” He exhales. “This is gonna be a long night.”

He runs at Claudio, with the thought that, maybe, if he’s far enough from Yuta, the remote will stop working. He’d done his research the night before – the average distance was around 10 meters, but there’s a chance Mox and Yuta are as insane as they look and splurged for a longer range.

Yuta must be feeling particularly bitchy, because all of a sudden the subtle buzz that Matt could almost ignore skyrockets into a strong, rhythmic pulsing. Matt lets out a weird little noise, mouth open, and hopes the camera near them doesn’t catch it.

Claudio hits him in the stomach and the vibrator goes so weird that Matt moans again. Claudio takes the opportunity to throw Matt against a barricade. Claudio seems a little bored, though, and walks away for a second. Matt exhales deeply, braced on the barricade, as the pulsing shifts its pattern and makes his brain start to fuzz again.

“Why did I go for the giant?” Matt whines. He’s getting pummeled within an inch of his life. Before he can process it, the vibration increases as he hits the barricade again. “Oh, god.” He has to pause and lean over, hands on his knees, before he can do anything else. He has the fleeting thought that he hopes Adam is okay, Nick, too, and Kenny, but then the pulsing changes. It’s steady now, normal. He can handle this.

He punches Claudio, who tries to throw him over the barricade. Matt’s backflip is perfect, if he does say so himself, and he grins at Claudio.

“Not this time, buddy,” he laughs.

He pulls off a superkick, the vibrator slows, and he gets a chance to breathe. He’s got the upper hand now, ringside, able to throw Claudio against the side of the ring and get him in a headlock.

He looks up to see Mox. He half wants to know what Mox is thinking, how he feels, what’s going on in that head of his. But then the pulsing in his ass changes again, and all he can do is squeak.

Mox jumps off of the commentator table so that Matt’s forced off of Claudio, but it gives him a second to roll away. Claudio seems otherwise occupied right now, at least, so Matt gets a chance to moan into the floor and shift, trying both to get the vibrator against his prostate and as far from it as possible.

“This was a terrible idea,” he mutters to no one.

Eventually he gets to his feet. Yuta must have turned down the intensity at some point, which is nice. Sort of.

He sees Mox with Kenny in a Figure Four and kicks him directly in the face.

“I hope you’re suffering as much as I am right now,” Matt snipes.

“I think we all are, Matt,” Kenny says. “Get him offa me!”

“Not all suffering in the same way,” Mox says. He makes a weird sound that Matt thinks passes for a moan in Mox’s world. It’s interesting.

Matt gets thrown to the ground, though, and doesn’t get up until something interesting but also evil happens deep within him. The vibrator changes to a wave-like motion, something that feels exactly like how Adam fucks him, and Matt is suddenly very aware he is screwed. He rolls under the ring just in time before his orgasm hits him like a train. He’s lucky, though. He comes without coming, technically, and he’s still rock hard in his gear, but he’s not messy.

The overstimulation is about to kill him when the vibrator settles. He hopes, just a little, that maybe the battery died.

“Fuck,” he whines. He hopes everyone on camera will chalk it up to exertion, with how red his face has got to be.

He rolls out from under the ring and grabs a chair, throwing it as he gets in there. The vibration kicks in again, but it’s a rhythmless, random pulse. It feels like a blessing. The blessing doesn’t last long, though, and the pulsing shifts back to the slow wave, with varying intensity.

“Okay,” Matt squeaks. “Gonna bookmark this one for later.” He leans on the ropes for balance, pretending everything is okay.

He manages to get Claudio pinned against the turnbuckle and turns to see the rest of his team doing the same to their BCC counterparts. He looks over at Adam, who winks at him.

“Not the time,” Matt whimpers. The wave is killing him. In any other scenario, it would be in a good way. But not right now.

Claudio’s face is directly in his crotch, and Matt hopes he can’t tell that Matt’s got a boner hard enough to break bricks.

They stop and gather in the ring for a Superkick Party, but it’s a bad thing. The vibrator shifts to his prostate again, and Matt might die. Setting up for the big jumping spot helps, though, and moves it away.

“Oh, thank god,” Matt mumbles.

“What’s wrong?” Nick asks. “Your arm?”

“Definitely not his arm,” Adam yells.

“Shut up!”

“You all need to shut up,” Kenny hisses.

Matt runs and throws himself at Claudio, who falls to the ground. It feels like a win, until the slow wave vibrations shift to a steady thrumming. It’s different. Unfortunately, different is good. Matt whines again.

“I can do this,” he sighs, walking up the ramp to follow Claudio. “No worse than that tag team titles thing. I can do this.” He punches Claudio a few times, trying to transition some of his energy somewhere else.

Nick follows him. And Matt really hopes Nick doesn’t see it written all over his face.

“You good?” Nick asks as they throw their respective members off the ramp. “You look sweaty.”

“We’re wrestling.”

Nick rolls his eyes. “Whatever.”

Matt turns around with Nick as they hear somebody shouting behind them, to see the singer of the Violent Idols…stripping?

“Ah, Matt says. “He’s got a BCC shirt on. Nick?”

“Already ahead of you.”

They superkick him, and the vibration calms down, and Matt can breathe again.

Matt dives off the stage at Danielson, pummeling him to the best of his abilities.

“Get over here,” Matt grumbles. He grabs Yuta on the ramp. “Get ready to die, kid.”

“Oh me?” Yuta asks. “Just fuckin’ wait, pretty boy.”

Matt manages one Northern Lights suplex before the vibration kicks up.

“Oh, god,” Matt moans. “You are the worst.”

Yuta laughs. “Save your breath.”

Matt manages a few suplexes, he loses count pretty fast, but Yuta turns up the vibrator to what feels like the maximum level and Matt’s knees start shaking and he thinks he’s blacking out and – well. There went the suplexes. He gets hit in the back by Claudio.

“You’re a dick,” Matt gasps. “Turn it down, oh my god.”

“Fine,” Yuta says. “For now.”

“What?” Claudio asks.

“You don’t want to –”

Yuta is interrupted by Nick flying over them and colliding with Claudio, which is probably for the best. Matt throws Yuta at Adam, who powerbombs him onto the apron.

“Thank you!” Matt yells across to him.

Adam winks again, which may make Matt’s dick situation worse.

“I’m gonna go fuck up Mox,” Adam says, and Matt watches him get into the ring.

“Give him hell!” Matt yells. He hopes Adam knows exactly what he means.

Matt plans to watch as Kenny and Adam beat the hell out of Mox, but his plans are torn to shreds when Claudio stalks over to him. He hits Matt once, and all Matt can think of is how to get up the stairs, how to get away. He also thinks that, maybe, if he gets up the stairs, he’ll be out of range of the remote. It’ll either keep the remote on this setting, or it’ll turn it off. He hopes for the second one.

When the vibrator turns off at the top of the stares, Matt collapses against the wall.

“Oh, thank god,” he mumbles. He doesn’t get many moments of relief, as Claudio grabs him and begins throwing him against the wall. Claudio hauls Matt over his shoulder like it’s nothing, which leads to a dick twitch Matt refuses to investigate in himself, but Matt manages to get himself balanced so he can shove Claudio into the wall.

Matt’s able to keep himself together through the whole fight in concessions. The vibrator, while still definitely there, doesn’t seem to be able to turn back on. While he’s suffering the Giant Swing, he’s glad the bases of vibrators are flared. Otherwise it may have zipped up him so fast nobody would have known what to do.

Claudio hauls him up and Matt pretends it’s not a little fun. His arm doesn’t hurt, at least. They manage to get backstage, where Claudio hauls him up and throws him into the back of somebody’s pickup truck.

“Ow!” he yells.

“Suck it up, Jackson,” Claudio yells back.

Matt tries a superkick, but it doesn’t help as much as he needed it to. On his second one, Claudio catches him and pile drives him directly into the floor of the pickup truck. Matt wails, moans, and has started to miss the vibrator.

Claudio screams something toward the camera, something vaguely European Matt assumes, and leaves Matt.

There’s a few moments where he considers just staying here, in the bed of a stranger’s pickup truck, until the show is over. He doesn’t have to get back out there. He could stay here and wait it out.

And then he remembers his secret weapon.

Matt leaps up and out of the truck, scrambling his way backstage.

“Move!” Matt yells.

“Aren’t you mid-match?”

“Shut up, Cole!”

He skids to a halt in front of Tony.

“Where’s the bag?”

Tony adjusts his headset. “What?”

“Where’s the bag?!”

“Shouldn’t you be out there?” Tony points with his thumb.

“The bag!” Matt gives up and dives under the desk and pulls out the bright orange bag.

“Jesus Christ,” Tony says, sounding resigned. “What is that?”

“Don’t worry about it.”

Matt needs help setting up his shoe, about to burn to death on the wires, but he gets it done.

“Okay, bye!”

He runs back out to the ramp, careful not to stand too heavily on his foot. He has to make sure the toe part says off the ground until it collides with somebody’s head. He gets a good look at the ring, where everybody is, what everybody’s doing. Mox and Yuta have Nick in some weird double submission thing, Kenny’s on the ground and might not be moving, and he can’t even see Adam.

He pushes through and gets to Mox. He tries to yell something at Matt, but Matt’s not going to let him.

“Eat this!” he yells, and watches his shoe explode before his eyes. Mox makes a strange yelping noise, and Matt’s entire leg feels electric shocked. He wonders, briefly, if he did something wrong. But he also doesn’t care.

The vibrator kicks on suddenly, and it’s enough to make Matt stumble to the ropes.

Yuta notices him and shoves the remote back in his pocket before going after Matt. Every punch to the back jostles the vibrator, and he will not get through this. Oh god, he won’t get through this. He screams, desperate to get a little control back of himself, and kicks Yuta again.

Matt watches as Adam comes up from nowhere with a beautiful Buckshot, and takes out Yuta. Matt thinks this is it – almost nobody kicks out of the Buckshot – but then Yuta does.

“Jeez,” Matt says. The vibration is low and steady, which is nice in a way. Makes him think he’s not about to get his leg broken or his skull cracked on a turnbuckle. Maybe.

It doesn’t last though, the nice feeling. Claudio gets a hold of him before he can do any real damage to Bryan and throws his shoe into the crowd.

“Those are Spidermans!” Matt yells indignantly.

“It’s a shoe, princess,” Claudio snarls. He grabs Matt’s foot and starts shaking it, then starts to take off his sock.

“What are you doing?!”

Danielson yanks off his sock. Claudio gets yanked away by Kenny, but that’s not enough. He fights the urge to duck and hide when he’s getting wailed on by Yuta and Danielson, but any time he moves, the vibrator shifts to a new and interesting place.

At one point, he collapses over, ass up, and wonders if the audience can see anything. If they can tell.

He manages to stand, only to collide with Mox. In one smooth movement Mox picks him up, turns him, and slams him, feet first into the thumbtacks. Mox may have said something, by Matt can’t even think. Before Matt can even react, Mox grabs him in a Deathrider and slams him to the floor, hooking him for the pin.

He almost can’t kick out in time, the vibrations mixed with the pinpoint agony of his foot, but he does. He immediately regrets it, though, with the way Danielson has his heel in a hook. His head is spinning, passing out from it all threatening, when he sees a sudden whirl of color fly through the air.

Nick slams into Danielson and the ring, then Mox grabs him and drives his face into the thumb tacks. Matt winces. He rolls into the corner of the ring, trying to stay out of the way of Kenny going after Mox, but also away from the eyes of anyone who may see him an easy target, now that he’s got a bare foot. He can do nothing but watch as Adam and Kenny get nailed with busaiku knees. The vibration shifts to something mild, somehow, like Yuta’s trying to find something to mess with him. It gives him a break, at least. Slightly more stable, he manages to get to his feet and scramble to the ring, where BCC is going after his team with hammer and anvil elbows.

He wails on the BCC members to the best of his ability, but Yuta nails him right between the legs, which also sends the vibrator going just that much against his prostate.

Matt makes a strangled noise and falls to his knees, realizing the comfort was due to the vibrator slipping. He’s distracted in the worse way – he’s vulnerable. Before he can do anything, Yuta’s got a hand on his head, tilting his head back by the hair while Mox feeds him thumbtacks. He tells himself he needs to get up, spit them out, but every movement feels like too much. And, as much of an exhibitionist as he is, coming during the middle of a Pay Per View doesn’t seem like something he can handle. His friends will watch that back.

He’s shoved into Claudio and given the uppercut of a lifetime, spitting out tacks that fly everywhere. Yuta grabs him and gives him a German suplex. Matt thinks it might be the last of the energy he has, just to keep breathing, but then a familiar blonde head flies into view. Adam breaks up the pin, and Matt gets a chance to roll over, face down, onto the ring apron.

“Are you okay?” asks a medic.

Matt nods. “I’m good,” he whines. He does roll to the floor, though. Laying down sounds nice right now.

Like it’s television, Matt suddenly sees Hangman leap off the ring post and perfectly execute a moonsault into Claudio. He’ll have to compliment it, later. When he’s less dead.

A very different feeling washes over Matt as he sees somebody – it’s a familiar form, he knows that person, knows that shape – with Don. He knows.

“That’s –”

Before he can scramble to his feet, Takeshita, still in his mask, attacks Kenny. Matt can’t get up in time to stop him.

And Kenny gets pinned.

Kenny gets pinned.

Matt can only stare in disbelief as Nick crawls over to him.

“We lost,” Nick says, almost pathetically. “Matt, we lost.”

“I know, man,” Matt says. The vibrator’s stopped, despite Yuta glaring over at Matt from time to time and fiddling in his pocket. Matt’s best guess is the attempts at the long range connection drained the battery.

“Yeah,” Matt mumbles. “We did.”

BCC showboats like dicks in the ring, until they hop off. Claudio literally points and laughs at Matt and Nick, which feels excessive.

“I think I literally hate them,” Nick says mildly. “Like, I think I would be genuinely cool with fucking them up again.”

Matt shrugs. “I could go for fucking them.”

“Fucking them up.”

“That’s what I said.”

~

Mox

“You good?” Yuta asks, bouncing on his toes. He’s coming in through a different door. Mox thinks it’s cute how worried he is.

“Ready to fuck them up,” Mox says. “So good.”

Yuta fights a smile. “And you’re – good?”

Mox wiggles his butt at him. “Great.”

Yuta squeezes his hand before they both get ready at their own doors.

“This song fuckin’ blows,” Mox mutters to Claudio.

“Of course it does,” Claudio does. “Those idiots chose it.”

When Violent Idols starts, they make their way down the stairs.

Omega runs at him first, but Mox thinks Hangman must be watching him, waiting for him to get in range. He can’t remember how far the remote control works, how much the –  

“Fuck,” Mox says. “Jesus, setting one is – oh, shit.”

Omega runs at him, but Mox catches him around the neck and chokes him. If he focuses on the match, the music, the other men, he can almost ignore the buzzing.

He manages to get an arm around Omega’s neck, but it doesn’t last. Hangman must have kicked up the speed of the vibrator again, because Mox is pretty sure his eyes are crossing.

When Omega throws him into the metal chair, Mox can fucking hear the vibration, and it makes it that much worse.

“I’m gonna kill him,” Mox mumbles. He almost wishes Omega would kick him harder – it would make this easier to manage.

He manages to subdue Omega, at least enough to get out of his reach. He sees Matt, who he hopes is suffering at least as much as he is, with his arms around Claudio’s neck against the ring. In a fit of adrenaline fueled stupidity, he jumps up on the commentator desk and slams into Omega. Hangman must be nearby and watching, because the pulsing shifts to a weird pattern with high intensity.

“Shoulda told Yoots to cheap out on these,” he mutters, as he does his best to choke Omega out.

“What?” Omega gasps.

“Don’t worry about it.”

Claudio gets Omega in the back with a chair, and it feels right. Mox follows him to the floor and gets him in a figure four. Mainly because he thinks laying down will make the vibrator stop turning his brain into jelly.

He’s distracted quickly, though when Matt’s shoe goes right in his face.

They snipe back and forth for a moment, and Mox is almost convinced to tell Kenny what’s going on, just to make things that much more annoying for Matt. Inconvenience him, maybe.

But all of a sudden the vibrations turn off, and he can breathe, and Mox gets himself into the ring. Hangman’s on the floor and Mox thinks about finding the remote and crushing it under his boot, but that feels a little like cheating. The rest of the BCC is in the ring, too. He doesn’t want to rope Claudio and Bryan in on his attempts to seduce Hangman and Matt – that feels a little like workplace harassment.

Omega gets back in the ring and, just as Mox is about to really give it to him, Hangman must have found the remote. The vibrations pulse hard and fast, and Mox can’t help but collapse on all fours, trying to control his breathing.

The chair to his back is a gift, though, as it just barely shifts the vibrator to make it all less intense.

“Thanks, man,” he laughs to Omega.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?”

The punches to the face are kind of nice. A distraction from the intensity. Hangman must be busy – the strong pulsing doesn’t stop or change.

He and the rest of BCC get rolled to the outside of the ring, and Mox lays on the floor for a minute, trying to regain his bearings.

“You good, Mox?” Yuta asks. Mox looks up to see Yuta looking infuriatingly smug. “Nothing…up your ass?”

“Go fuck yourself,” Mox grumbles.

Yuta still looks smug. “Maybe you. Later.”

They stand up and are immediately pummeled by an Elite member. Omega slams into him and sends him over the commentator desk.

The two of them brawl for long enough that Mox starts to get woozy with the too-many sensations. Mox finds himself in the ring, his vest gone, Omega with weapons in his hands, and wonders if this is how it all ends. Broomed to death by a Weeb in the middle of a wrestling ring, a vibrator in his ass.

Honestly, this time he doesn’t even know what he’s being choked with. He’s not pleased about it, though.

The vibrations stop, briefly. Mox wonders if Hangman is out of range. Mox gathers his energy now to push off the metal object and gets back in this, trading blows with Omega. Piece of cake.

The double clothesline, though. He hits the ground and the vibrator kicks in again, firm and unrelenting. Mox’s vision blurs.

He finds himself, when the vibration changes to something closer to a wave, in the middle of the ring where Hangman and Omega are wailing on him. He muses, in the back of his dazed brain, that in another life this would be his dream scenario.

The vibrator shifts and hits his prostate like a bullet, forcing Mox to double over. It’s right in time, though. Hangman came up with a big boot. It collides with Omega’s face.

Mox laughs at them. “Good one, Hangman.”

“Just for that,” Hangman mutters.

Mox feels the intensity sky rocket, so much that it’s almost gone the other way around to make it tolerable again. He takes out Hangman and rolls out of the ring after Omega. They wail on each other as they beat each other up on the ramp. He wonders if Hangman’s remote is broken, because the vibrator seems to have dropped back down to a low level, a steady, gentle hum.

When he gets to his poker chip, his prized masterpiece of the match, he can’t help but grin. He’s going to throw Omega through that fucking thing, and it’s going to be beautiful. But first, a classic. He sighs with nostalgia as he  pulls out the fork and fists it in his hand. Punching it into Omega’s face feels like how his friends always describe meditating.

Through the violence with Omega, Mox has a strange sense of clarity. Life is easier to focus on without a vibrator going nuts. He wonders if he’s created a new version of caffeine.

It’s all pretty standard, until the vibrator acts up again.

“Yuta,” Mox yells up into the ring. “Hit his hands.”

Yuta looks over at him from where he’s slamming Hangman with a chair,  confused for a second, then rolls his eyes. “Mox, go kill Kenny.”

Eventually Mox ends up back in front of Hangman.

“You’re being a dick,” Mox says, hitting Adam.

Adam laughs a little, even with how exhausted he is. “Yeah?”

Mox sees him fiddle in his pocket and send the vibrator back to the slow waving motion.

“Fuck off,” Mox grumbles, but he hits Hangman again, then goes after Nick. The waving motion is hitting him harder than it needs to be. He can barely focus on fucking up Nick.

He claws his way back into the ring, where he sees the cord and decides to assist Bryan with Hangman.

“I’ll let go if you turn it off,” he says, forgetting Bryan’s there, too.

“You wish!” Hangman yells back.

“I don’t want to know,” Bryan says.

Mox picks Omega next and manages not to stumble when Hangman adjusts the settings. It’s not a pulsing sensation, something that may create a massive problem in him very quickly. He and Yuta send Omega into the barbed wire broom.

Mox grabs Hangman before he can mess with his pockets again, but, worse than the vibrator, Hangman picks him up and gives him a dead eye.

“Asshole,” Mox mutters as he rolls onto the ground. He takes a few seconds to breathe, eyes locked on Hangman’s hand to make sure he doesn’t unexpectedly mess with the remote, then gets himself up. Nick is peacocking around the ring. Mox gives him a lariat as payment.

The vibrator shifts and changes while Mox tries to pin Nick, but he’s focused now. This mild steady vibration isn’t doing anything he’s worried about.

The problem with the Boston Crab, though, Mox realizes a minute or so into it, is things…move. The buzzing speeds up, gets more intense, and Mox may not survive this.

“Yuta,” he mumbles, “Yuta, we’re in danger territory here.”

Yuta laughs a little as he has Nick’s head cranked back. “You safeword, we adjust.”

“How come he gets an effing safe word?” Nick croaks, hardly able to speak through the pain.

“Don’t you ever stop –” He pauses. “Fuck you, Matt!”

Before Mox can even figure out what’s happening, he’s cracked in the forehead by something bright and hot and startling. He yells, not sure what, and blinks to get the stars out of his eyes. In the moments between getting his vision back and getting ready to beat the shit out of Matt, Hangman must get his shit together and shifts the vibrator. Mox wails a little as he rolls off the ring apron and feels the vibrator shift to that strong, pulsing movement. A second later and suddenly it’s at the highest level, and Mox comes dry, which is the one good thing about it. He bites down on his forearm to stifle the moan. He allows himself a moment to get himself together, adjusting the boner that won’t go away. The vibration is going nuts now, but he’s not dying yet, so at least that’s something.

He shakes his head, trying to reset himself. Slowly, he pulls himself up the side of the ring. He sees – well, Matt’s on his knees, which is a pretty sight, so Mox decides to grab the thumbtacks he’d nestled under the ring earlier. Maybe fuck Matt up a little with them.

He pours them on the floor, artfully, he notes, and catches Matt’s foot. He almost laughs. Right into his trap.

Mox hauls Matt up and slams him, feet first, into the pile of thumbtacks.

“Not the only thing getting in you, huh?” he whispers into Matt’s ear.

Matt’s response is to hobble feebly for a few steps, but Mox doesn’t let him go far. He grabs Matt and pulls off a Death Rider, going for the pin. He thinks he’s got it, but Matt manages to kick out. It’s enough to shift the vibrator against his prostate again, and it’s almost unbearable after the orgasm.

“Shit,” he whines.

“You deserve it,” Matt chokes out.

 Mox watches, pleased, as Bryan gets Matt in a heel lock. Serves the brat right. Nick is annoying, though, and breaks up the submission, so Mox drops his head into the thumbtacks. Just for fun.

Things spin out of control, and for a minute Mox has no idea where he is or what he’s doing. All he knows is Omega’s got him and he’s slamming into the ring and rolling off, pain and vibrations coursing through his body as he flops onto the floor.

Mox crawls back into the ring just in time for a nice little hammer and anvil moment with the BCC. He gets Nick, which is fine, but then Matt has to show up and get in the way. It works, sort of, but he rolls sideways into the thumbtacks.

Sideways into the thumbtacks.

“Since he likes stuff in his mouth so much,” Mox singsongs. He doesn’t even bother with fanfare, just trusts Yuta to tilt Matt’s head back so he’ll open his mouth and take what he’s given.

Hangman’s taught Matt well.

Mox is a little disappointed he’s not the one to punch Matt in the mouth and send the thumbtacks flying, but he’s not a selfish man and Claudio deserves to have a little fun with Matt. Especially since he won’t get to be part of what happens after.  

Mox is convinced Yuta’s going to get the pin, but then the stupid Cowboy shows up. He half hopes he and Omega are about to kill each other, which would make his job easier, but then they do something. Well, it’s not unlike what he and Bryan do, but it feels way gayer.

“That was fuckin’ gay,” Mox says to Hangman as they go after each other.

“You literally have a vibrator in your ass! Right now!”

Mox shrugs, planning a snippy retort, but Hangman grabs the controller and turns it to that weird intense pulsing thing, and Mox is suddenly unable to do anything.

“Hah,” Adam says. “Who’s gay now?”

“All of us, fuck.”

Hangman takes the opportunity to throw Mox on his back. He accepts it, just for now, and rolls out of the ring, trying to figure out if Hangman increased the intensity or if this is just his reaction to pain in any setting.

By the time he gets himself together and stands up, he can tell Hangman is about to go for a Buckshot on Yuta, and Mox doesn’t care for that shit at all. He yanks Omega out of the ring by the leg, but Omega gets away before Mox can subdue him and gets back into the ring.

He watches, in awe, as Takeshita makes his move. There’s not much he has to do right now. All he has to do is let Yuta do his thing, and Omega’s done.

One.

Two.

Three.

“Hell yeah,” Mox laughs. That’s his man.

He leaps into the ring, blinking blood out of his eyes, as he checks in with Yuta.

“Hey, baby,” he says, grinning. “Good job.”

“Thanks,” Yuta says, panting. “How are you?”

Mox shrugs. “Came once. Close again, but I’m distracted, so I should be good.”

“I meant the blood on your face.”

“I always have blood on my face.”

He pats Yuta’s side, a job well done, and moves so he can watch Don.

“This is unnecessary,” Mox says to Yuta. “This is about you, baby. Go – I don’t know, be flashy about it.”

Claudio comes up behind Yuta. “I have an idea.”

He scoops Wheeler up on his shoulders, and Mox grins as they do a version of their little crab walk.

His guys. His team.

Their victory.

~

Part 4: The Aftermath

~

Matt

“I gotta pee!”

“But your foot –”

“I said I have to pee!”

Matt hobbles to the bathroom, the door caught by someone as he tries to slam it shut.

“I said I have to –” He cuts himself off. “Oh, Adam, it was awful.”

“Was it?” Adam asks. He always looks so good covered in blood. He also looks good smirking like an asshole, but Matt doesn’t want to think about that right now. “Are you sure awful’s the right word?” He crowds into Matt, who wants nothing but to be touched.

“You’re being mean.”

“You like it when I’m mean.”

Matt fights a smile. “I really do have to pee.”

“I know,” Adam says. “You probably have to do something else, yeah?”

Matt nods.

“I’m here for moral support,” Adam says, leaning against the door. “Also a bodyguard. Also, my pockets are deeper than yours.” He shrugs. “If you want to take out the vibrator.”

“I’m not sure it’s a want as much as a need,” Matt says.

The vibrator, cleaned in the hottest water possible in the sink with soap as Adam laughs at him in the corner, is taken care of and shoved in Adam’s pocket.

“It was your idea,” Matt says, patting the pocket, “so you get to take care of it.”

“Let’s hope I don’t go through a metal detector.” He winks at Matt. “How horrible it would be if we got caught.”

“Don’t you start that,” Matt says, as firmly as he can muster while feeling both agonizingly empty and overly full with thumbtacks. “Now help me over to medical so I can stop hurting.”

Adam get him where Matt needs to go and keeps an eye on him as they tend to his head wound and examine Matt’s foot.

“Jesus,” Doc says. “What the hell made you want to do this?”

“Me?!” Matt exclaims. “It was Mox’s fault! And the whole stupid BCC’s fault.” He pouts and folds his arms across his chest as the medical team painstakingly pulls the thumbtacks out of his foot. Doc looks like he regrets his question.

“I gotta go get antiseptic,” Doc says, “and away from this conversation.”

“Hey, baby,” Adam says, checking Matt’s foot. “You okay?”

“No,” Matt grumbles. “We lost. Because of that stupid little brat.”

“Technically, it was because of Don.”

“Yeah, him too. Lots of assholes in the ring tonight.”

Adam snorts.

“Shut up!” Matt half wails. He reaches out and yanks Adam down by the arm. “The only reason I’m not dead is I’m pretty sure the battery died. That was miserable.”

“Was it?” Adam says. “I mean. Come on, baby.”

Matt can’t make himself meet Adam’s eyes. “Shut up.”

Adam laughs and presses his lips to the top of Matt’s hair, like he doesn’t care that Matt’s covered in sweat and blood and grease. “How’s your foot?”

“Hurts,” Matt says. “I’m tired.”

Adam rests a hand on his shoulder. “We can go back to the room and sleep,” Adam says, and Matt knows what’s behind his words. “We don’t have to – do anything else.”

Matt does a scan of his body. He doesn’t really need his feet to get railed out of his mind. His mouth is fine after the thumbtack mouth wash, which surprises him.

“I’m good,” Matt says. “I think I – yeah.” He wiggles a little, missing the feeling of something inside him. He has an idea of what could take the vibrator’s spot.

Adam’s smile turns knowing. “Okay. Let’s get patched up and we can, uh. Not go back to the room. Okay?”

Matt nods.

Within the hour, Matt’s got a bandage around his foot, but he can still fit it in a slide, so he considers it a win. The shower wasn’t horrible, either, with his foot stuck outside to keep the bandages dry. Adam, a little butterfly stitch on his forehead and damp curls falling out of his bun, helps him out of the shower and dress.

“Where are you two going?” Nick asks as they make their way to the doors. The bandage makes it look like he’s missing a chunk of hair.

Matt freezes. “We’re gonna go have sex.”

Nick wrinkles his nose. “Ew. Just tell me you’re busy next time. Jeez.” He turns around. “Kenny! They’re being gross. Want to get dinner?”

Kenny nods as he stands up gingerly. “Sure.”

The two of them slowly, but painlessly, make their way out of the venue. Despite his fears, there’s no metal detector to set off the vibrator in Adam’s pocket.

“You think Mox’s vibrator is still going?” Adam asks, face pressed into Matt’s neck.

Matt shakes his head. “Nah. It stops working out of range and the battery’s probably dead, either way.”

Matt watches as Adam – he pouts. He’s pouting.

“What the heck is that?” Matt asks. “What – do you have boo-boo eyes over Mox not still getting messed up by the vibrator?”

Adam scoffs. “They are not boo-boo eyes,” he insists, throwing their bags in the back of the pickup truck he’d rented.

“They are,” Matt says. “They absolutely are. Look!” He turns his phone so Adam can see himself. “Big green boo-boo eyes. Because you’re not still electronically railing Mox.”

“Is this a jealousy thing?” Adam laughs. “Because I can do jealous.”

“I’m not jealous,” Matt says, buckling his seat belt. “I got railed electronically by Yuta earlier tonight. I’m pretty pleased.”

Adam bites his lip. “Did you, um. Did you come?”

Matt nods, reliving the moment. “Yeah. Kind of early in the match, actually. There’s this really good wave thing that took me out.” He sighs. “I wanna kill him, but Yuta – he took off that vest and I, uh. I noticed.”

“Right?!” Adam says. He slows to a stop to let a few cars go. “Like, when his torso start looking like – like that?”

Matt thinks for a moment. “You think he’d – do you think he’d want to – to…” He trails off.

Adam laughs, eyes locked on the road. “You want Yuta to fuck you, huh.”

“100%.”

~

Mox

“Where are we meeting them?” Yuta asks. He’s antsy. Mox grabs one of his hands and presses a kiss to bruised knuckles. “Are we still?”

Mox checks his phone to see Hangman’s reply message. “Yeah. See? He said they’d meet us in our suite in a few minutes.”

Yuta grabs Mox’s phone. “Is his contact info a cowboy emoji and the word ‘Bitch’?”

Mox nods. “Yeah. Matt’s in there with that boo-boo bottom eye emoji and the word Bitch.”

Yuta laughs and nuzzles into Mox’s shoulder, shuffling so he’s straddling Mox’s lap. “You’re fucking stupid.”

“I’m fucking you, so that makes you stupid,” Mox says, tilting his head back so Yuta can give him a few more bruises.

“About that,” Yuta says, hands sliding up and under Mox’s shirt. “What if I said I wanted to fuck Matt tonight instead of you?”

Mox hums as Yuta’s fingers tweak at his nipples. “Really.”

“Uh-huh,” Yuta murmurs, lips going to Mox’s neck. “He’s pretty. And I kind of liked making him squirm with that vibrator.”

Mox laughs, arms sliding up the back of Yuta’s shirt. “I like that idea.”

“And I was thinking – maybe Hangman could fuck you wanted.”

“Oh!” Mox says, pulling back to look at Yuta. “Oh, really. You’re not going to get jealous like the time me and Bryan –”

“That was different,” Yuta says, frowning. “Bryan didn’t talk to me about it first. And it wasn’t my idea.”

“So it has to be your idea, huh?” Mox says. He settles his hands on Yuta’s thighs.

“I’d like it to be,” Yuta says. “Would you want to?”

Mox thinks about it. Hangman was mean out there tonight, almost as mean as he was with the Death Match, and Mox kind of wants to see what that looks like in the bedroom. In him.

“Yeah,” Mox says. “Yeah, I’d definitely want to.”

Yuta lights up. “Okay, cool. Yeah, I – let’s ask them to do that.”

The two of them make out lazily for a while, waiting for a knock on the door.

When it comes, Yuta nearly flies off of Mox’s lap.

“Calm down, babe,” Mox laughs. He opens the door to see Matt and Hangman there. Hangman’s got his hand raised for another knock and Matt’s almost behind him, like he’s waiting for Hangman to take control of the situation.

Mox can absolutely work with that.

“Hey,” he says. “What do you two need?”

“Oh, don’t play around,” Hangman says, rolling his eyes. But Mox is pretty sure there’s a smile behind it. He pushes past Mox. “Hey, kid.”

“I’m not a kid.”

“I was the baby of Bullet Club for years,” Hangman says, falling into a chair like he owns the room. “Now you get to suffer.”

“Isn’t it weird that I’m the oldest of all of us?”

They all look at Matt, who looks like he didn’t actually mean to say that out loud.

“I just mean – well, looking at us, Mox and Adam seem like they’d be older, right?”

Mox turns to Hangman. “Your boyfriend has the weirdest dirty talk.”

Hangman scoffs. “You haven’t see how he gets in a shoe store. Once we had sex in the bathrooms because he somehow got turned on by a pair of sneakers.”

“They had Swarovski Golden Goose Super-stars!” Matt yells. “Come on. How would I not pop a boner over that?”

“I would judge him, but I once got hard because a guy hit me in the back with a tennis racket.” Mox shrugs.

“You got a thing for tennis?” Hangman asks. He looks genuinely baffled, which is nice to see.

“No. I got a thing for being hit in the back.”

Hangman nods. “Yeah. Yeah, I see how that’s a thing.” His eyes narrow. “So, like. Did you get a boner when we had our Death Match?”

Mox tries to fight his reaction. “Maybe.”

“Oh, don’t lie, Mox, you had me rail you in the showers right after it was over,” Yuta says.

“Yeah, but he didn’t need to know,” Mox says. “Jesus, Yoots, let me seem more desperate, will you?”

“This does lead into something we should talk about,” Matt says. He’s swinging a leg, balanced on the other. Reminds Mox a bit of a bird, which is weird, because Nick is usually the bird. “Adam and I were talking and, uh. We were wondering…” He trails off and glances at Hangman.

“What my boyfriend is trying to ask is if you two would be cool if Yuta and Matt fucked and Mox, you and me fucked.”

The room is quiet for a minute.

“I mean. Yeah,” Yuta says, nodding from his seat on the bed. “Yeah, absolutely.”

Matt breaks into a sweet smile, something that almost makes Mox forget how fucking annoying he is. “Cool. I mean. No, I mean cool.” Matt almost skips over to Yuta and straddles him without another word.

“Slow down, Matty,” Hangman says, and Mox gets an idea of where this is going. “Wait just a second.”

~

Matt

“Why do I have to slow down?” Matt fights the urge to pout. Yuta’s hands are on his hips and he wants to stay there.

“Yuta, put the vest on again,” Adam says. Matt recognizes that tone. Matt loves that tone.

“Hmm?” Yuta looks confused for a second. Adam beckons to Matt, who walks over to him. Adam hauls Matt into his lap, straddling Adam’s thighs in the huge chair.

“The vest,” Adam repeats. “It looked good on you.”

Yuta turns a charming shade of pink. “Yeah?” He grabs it from his things and pulls it on.

“Yeah,” Adam says. He puts his hands on Matt’s thighs, but doesn’t even look at him. “You got those – what do they call ‘em?”

“Cum gutters,” Matt supplies.

“Cum gutters,” Adam repeats. “You looked incredible tonight.”

Matt watches as Adam talks Yuta into this beautiful blush, the man who was willing to kill hours ago looking sweet and cute, but also devastatingly hot.

“Adam,” Matt says, “I’m gonna go kiss him now.”

“Me?” Yuta asks.

“Duh, you, you’re hot.” Matt says. He stands off of Adam’s lap and walks up to Yuta. “Do you want to kiss me?”

“Yeah, of course.” Yuta looks like a kid with a credit card in a candy shop. “We, uh. Mox and I were talking about this before the two of you got here.” He pauses. Matt thinks he looks a little nervous. “Glad to see we’re on the same page somewhere, yeah?”

Matt leans down and kisses Yuta, trying to make it sweeter than he deserves after the torment Yuta put him through.

“So, Mox,” Adam says, almost too casually. “How was the match for you?”

“Fine,” Mox says. “Vibrator was new, though. Before I’d only used a butt plug during a match.”

“So you’ve done it before,” Adam says. Matt wants to fall entirely into the kiss, but he’s torn between Yuta’s tongue and Adam’s voice. “Interesting. Which setting did you like best?”

“There’s this weird pounding one,” Mox says. “Really intense, yeah? At one point you set it to maximum intensity on that setting and I came.” He laughs. Matt likes the sound of his laugh. “Dry, at least, but. Yeah. That was the best one.”

Matt can’t deal with that. “What?!”

“You disagree?” Adam asks. He looks so smug in the chair. He’s loving this, and Matt’s too horny and dumb to try and resist leaning into it.

“The wave thing – the one where it never really stopped but, like, kind of went in and out of intensity?” Matt makes a motion with his hand that he hopes conveys it. He’s losing sense – Yuta’s hands are on his ass and his lips are on Matt’s neck and there’s a lot going on. “That one’s the best.”

“That sounds about right,” Mox says. “Matty likes it gentle. I like it rough.”

“I do not like it gentle,” Matt huffs. His breath catches when Yuta bites at his neck, hips snapping forward before he can control them.

“Huh,” Yuta says, pulling away. He reaches up to brush Matt’s hair off of his shoulders. “I think he’s telling the truth, Mox. He’s already hard.”

Matt blushes. “I mean, so are you. You can’t say it all insulting like that when you’re hard, too.”

“I have a hot guy in my lap,” Yuta says, squeezing Matt’s ass again. “Of course I’m hard.”

Matt tries not to be too pleased at that.

Yuta stands all of a sudden, grip on Matt’s ass firm and insistent, and Matt’s head spins as Yuta throws him on the giant king bed.

“So,” Yuta says, “Hangman, anything your boy doesn’t like?”

“I am right here,” Matt says, bucking up against Yuta.

“Yeah, but you’re going to say yes to anything,” Yuta says. “You and your stupid exploding shoe.”

“I have a burn on my forehead from that,” Mox adds. He taps his forehead. “That’s the bandage.”

“Can we focus?” Matt almost whines. “I am still very clothed and I hate it.” The other three men laugh and Matt wants to throw a shoe at them. “Oh, shut up.”

Yuta undresses him slowly while Adam and Mox do something in the corner. Matt can’t make himself care – Yuta kisses with meticulous focus, like he’s trying to see if he can get Matt off with his kissing alone. He might.

“Oh,” Matt says, arching into the feeling as Yuta pulls his boxers off. “God, finally.”

“Did you come at all?”

Matt almost jumps by how close Adam’s voice is. He turns his head to see Adam on the bed next to him, Mox straddling his hips. They’re both shirtless. Matt wants to take a photo and keep it. “What?”

“During the match,” Adam says. His smile is soft, almost sweet. “Did you come?”

Matt nods, then shouts as Yuta’s mouth engulfs him. Adam’s making him perform. He already knows Matt’s come. Adam wants to make Matt say it. For Mox and Yuta. “God – yes, I – I had to roll under the ring, didn’t want anybody to see.”

Adam pulls him in to kiss him. It’s a little awkward, but Matt’s brain is melting as he falls into Adam’s kiss and gently twitches his hips in Yuta’s mouth.

“You can go harder,” Mox says to Matt.

Yuta pulls off. “Yeah. Go nuts.”

Matt rolls his hips slowly. Yuta takes him down his throat like it’s nothing, and Matt giggles.

“What’s so funny?”

“I’m just thinking of that MMA fight club basement joke Adam made a few months back,” Matt mumbles. “You really do have sex with each other all the time, don’t you.”

“Mostly me and Yuta,” Mox says, and his eyes flutter shut as Adam goes for his belt and presses his palm against the bulge in the front of his jeans. “Fuck – yeah, sometimes Bryan and Claudio get involved, but Yuta gets jealous.”

“I do not!”

Matt whines a little. “Go back…”

“You better not get jealous tonight,” Adam says, a little stern. “Because if you get to fuck Matt then I get to fuck Mox.”

“I’m not – this is an agreement,” Yuta says. “Bryan forgot to ask me last time.”

Matt laughs out loud at that one. “He forgot to ask?!”

“It’s a long story,” Mox says.

Adam flips Mox and presses him to the bed as he pulls his pants all the way off. “Still prickly pear?”

Mox nods. “Yeah, fuck. You can’t leave me naked and just – fuck.”

Matt, next to Mox, recognizes the look on Adam’s face. He’s about to be infuriating and, for once, Matt’s not on the receiving end of it.

“Can I?” Yuta asks, lube in hand.

“Yeah,” Matt says, lifting his feet. He plans to plant them on the bed, but Yuta throws them over his shoulders. “Oh! Oh, okay.”

Yuta grins at him. “Yeah?”

Matt nods. He looks back over at Adam and Mox.

“What if I left?” Adam says. Matt knows this game. “I mean, maybe all I want is to see Matt get fucked. Maybe I’m not jealous.”

Mox frowns. “Wait, what?”

“Yeah,” Adam says, leaning back on his heels. “Yeah, this isn’t a great view of Matt. Maybe I just go back to the chair.”

“What the fuck?” Mox says. “No. Get back here.”

Adam gives up the game and spits in his hand to wrap it around Mox’s cock . “Okay.”

Mox lets out the weirdest sound Matt’s ever heard, but then Yuta’s got a finger dancing around the rim of his hole, and he’s making weird noises, too.

“They’re both loud,” Yuta mumbles.

“Right?!” Adam says. “Jesus.”

Matt opens his mouth to answer, but Yuta slides a finger in him and all he can do is let out an exhale so intense his entire body relaxes. “Oh, that’s better.”

“Missed this, didn’t you?” Yuta says, leaning in to kiss Matt. “Like it better when you’re full, huh?”

Matt’s eyes close as he rolls at Yuta’s finger and catches him in a kiss. When Yuta pulls away, he smiles. “Adam, I like him,” Matt mumbles. “He’s nicer than you.”

“I’m only mean because you like me mean,” Adam says.

“And I could get meaner if you want me to,” Yuta says. To prove it, he slides another finger in, a little less carefully. Matt gasps at it and writhes. “He likes it rough, yeah?”

“Oh, yeah,” Adam says. “Mox, I’m guessing you do too?”

“Get your fuckin’ fingers in me, you piece of shit.”

Adam pauses. “Jesus, fine. God.” Yuta hands Adam the lube. “Rough?”

“Yes, fuck, I’m still kinda open from the vibrator,” Mox says. “It’ll – Christ.”

Matt watches Adam’s face as he sinks his finger (fingers?) into Mox, while he pushes down on Yuta’s. “Rough enough for you, Mox?”

“Jesus, yes.” Mox pushes against it. “More.”

There’s moments where Matt’s just staring at the concentration on Adam’s face as he opens up Mox, where Matt is being somehow tenderly opened up by Yuta. He knows Yuta’s saying something to him, something fascinating, probably, but there’s so much going on he can barely hear it.

“Matt, hello,” Yuta says, and Matt snaps back into it. “Are you ready?”

Matt nods. “Yes. Oh my god, yes.”

“Cool. I thought the dirty talk was too much.” He pulls his fingers up, then slides a condom on and slicks it up with lube.

Matt’s mouth waters. “I wasn’t paying attention,” he says, half pouting. “There was dirty talk?”

“Just told you how glad I am that I’m about to fuck you so you shut up,” Yuta says, still with that smile on his face. “You know.” He glances over at Adam, then back at Matt. “Use Adam’s boytoy.”

Matt makes a weird noise in his chest.

“Too much?” Yuta asks, freezing.

“No,” Adam says, sounding almost bored. “You just hit his degradation kink. Fuckin’ dork loves to be referred to as a toy.”

Yuta laughs. “Alright. Adam, I’m gonna fuck your boyfriend.”

“Yes, please.” Matt’s voice is small, the anticipation stealing all the air from him.

“And I’m gonna fuck yours,” Adam says.

“Jesus, are you two trying to choreograph this?” Mox says. “You two are so fucking irritating. No, all three of you are the – fuck.”

Adam grins down at Matt as he pushes into Mox.

“Oh, he’s like me,” Matt says as Yuta arranges his legs the way Yuta wants them, “you have to fuck him to shut him – oh, god.”

“God, that vibrator got you ready for me, didn’t it?” Adam says, testing some pushes into Mox. Matt feels a little jealous of Mox, but then Yuta moves his hips and Matt is anything but. “God, you feel good.”

Yuta’s not as much of a talker as Adam, which is different, but he’s just as dedicated. He folds Matt almost in half as he fucks him, little grunts falling from his lips as he turns his head to press kisses to Matt’s forehead, shoulder, neck, cheek.

“God, you look pretty bent like that,” Adam says, brow furrowed in concentration. “Matty, you look so good taking Yuta’s cock. Almost as good as with me.”

“Thanks,” Matt gasps. He reaches up to grip at Yuta’s biceps, pressing at a bruise. Yuta hisses.

“Careful with him,” Mox says. His hands are up by the headboard, bracing himself against Adam’s thrusts.

“It’s a – a bruise,” Matt says. He reaches up to grab at the headboard, as it looks like a good idea, and bumps Mox’s hand. Neither of them adjust, just have their pinkies touching. “He’ll – god, oh my god – he’ll be fine.”

“Shut up,” Yuta laughs, a little out of breath. “Jesus, we must be doing something wrong if the two of them can talk.”

Adam grins at him, then down at Mox and Matt. “Alright then.”

Matt’s eyes roll back in his head, which is a shame because he loves seeing Adam get rough like this, hard thrusts sending Matt into oblivion. Except this time it’s not Adam, it’s Yuta, and his cock is different but good, a change but the unrelenting pounding still the same.

He’s still a little sensitive from the vibrator, but it’s good, it’s so good.

“Yuta,” he manages to gasp out, “tou-touch me? Please?”

“Yeah,” Yuta says. He slides a hand between the two of them, and Matt has a second to be impressed he can balance so well on his knees and one hand before Yuta’s hand curls around him. “Yeah, come for me, baby, take it.”

Matt whimpers and then it’s over for him, Adam’s name falling from his lips as he shoots up his chest and rides out the sensation.

“You even say my name when taking another guy’s cock,” Adam says, his voice too sweet for the wet, slapping noises of their bodies in the bed, “so fucking sweet.” He reaches between himself and Mox. “You wanna come, Mox? You gonna come for me, Jon?”

“For Yuta,” Mox says with a shit eating grin, then throws his head back and comes hard.

“Race ya,” Yuta says to Adam. Matt has no idea which of them wins. He’s too tired.

He feels the devastating emptiness again as Yuta pulls out, but there’s satisfaction behind it this time. There was no tease, just a very satisfying conclusion.

He blinks his eyes open to see Adam, head slumped, braced on his hands. He reaches out and rests his fingertips on the top of his hand. “You okay?” Matt asks.

Adam lifts his head. His face is bright red and sweaty, but his eyes gleam and he smiles. “That was a great idea.”

“Yeah?” Yuta says. “I think your boy’s nails fucked me up now worse than anything in the match.”

Matt winces. “Oh. Sorry. I should have asked.”

“No, I loved it!” Yuta says. “Just.” He smiles a little. “It’s noteworthy, is all.”

“Don’t go falling in love with him,” Mox says, arms folded behind his head. “You’re stuck with me.”

Adam and Yuta clumsily change places to lean down and kiss their respective boyfriends, then get up.

“Getting a towel,” they say at the same time. They pause, staring at each other.

“That was weird,” Yuta says. “I don’t want to do that ever again.”

“Noted,” Adam says.

As they get the towels, Matt turns over on his side to look at Mox. “How ya feeling?”

“Match wise, vibrator wise, or sex wise?”

“Either or or.”

Mox sighs. “Good. I won, so that’s better.”

Matt pokes his arm. “You’re lucky I don’t slap that burn I gave you.”

“I’d pay to see you try.”

 Matt is pretty sure he’s about to get into a come-covered slap fight with none other than Jon Moxley, but then Yuta and Hangman come back with damp towels and he’s too focused on Adam’s smile to do anything else.

“So,” Adam says, finishing up and tossing the towel back into the bathroom. “We should do that again sometime.”

Yuta nods. “Maybe after we destroy you guys at Blood and Guts.”

Matt freezes. “I’m sorry, what?”

“You know that’s coming,” Mox says. He’s shuffled so he’s leaning against the headboard, legs splayed. Yuta’s sitting by his feet, messing with his phone. “Right? Like, you four are absolutely going to get so pissed about losing you’ll challenge us again.”

“That’s not what I’m surprised about,” Matt says. “If you think we’ll lose after we already know you can’t play fair, you’re stupid. Kenny’s already in the works of getting our secret weapon.”

“Yeah, yeah, you’re looking at Kota, big fuckin’ whoop,” Yuta says.

Matt pulls up a video. “You see that? That’s Kenny’s boyfriend shooting a firework into himself. If he’s that crazy on a good day, how do you think he’s going to treat you after all that’s gone done with Don and Takeshita?”

Yuta, briefly, looks concerned. “Oh.”

Adam laughs. “Yeah, okay, we’ll kill each other later. Can’t we all just bathe in the afterglow without talking work?”

“No!” Mox, Yuta, and Matt say.

Adam groans and rolls off the bed onto the floor. “I’m fucking three of the same person,” he groans.

“Are not!” Matt yells back. “I’m prettier.”

~

Mini Playlist: Moon - The Cab Inside of You - Hoobastank Desire - Meg Myers Like an Animal - The Donnas

[exsqueezememacaroni]

So - let's say you wanted to go DEEP into Faith No More's live performances of Jizzlobber? And see all the ways Mike can fuck himself up on stage. Well, here you go - a compiled list of all the AD tour videos with this song (that I could find) and some lite commentary. gifs are from Warfield 1992

Edit: Hanover, Germany, Jun 3 1992 - (starts at 32:20) Mike what are you doing to that poor box?

Edit: Torino, Italy, Jun 26 1992 - (starts at 46:10) Ah! I found it, Mike screaming into the void (but I think the supercut shots are from Chinese Arithmetic)

Amsterdam, Holland, Jun 22 1992 - fairly reserved, Mike plays Puff's cymbals

Roskilde Festival, Denmark, Jun 25 1992 - (starts at 32:29) gas station Mike, fighting invisible people, and we're gettin' ~creepy~

Wasahallen Stadium, Sweden, Jul 3 1993 - (starts at 41:15) more invisible fighters, and a flip!

Edit: Milwaukee, WI, US, Jul 23 1992 - (starts 27:35) shit, how could i forget Modjeska!?! Roddy is definitely dead, Mike's spine is definitely crushed, Mike's slow build headbang is everything

The Warfield, CA, US, Aug 19 1992 - absolutely batshit crazy, and somehow Mike stays beautiful

Shippensburg, PA, US, Oct 16 1992 - (starts at 55:38) somehow Roddy is more nuts during this one, not much camera time on Mike

Saint Louis, MO, US, Sept 18 1992 - (starts at 48:22) "you wanna see me naked? it's ok, i love you too"

Edit: new link - Columbus, OH, US, Sept 23 1992 - song starts at 49:00, but link starts a little early bc that guy getting tackled is fucking hilarious) Mike flips over Roddy, Roddy flips into the crowd, Mike flips straight onto his back, absolute chaos

Philadelphia, PA, US, Oct 17 1992 - (starts at 45:07) the video quality is really strange on this one? otherwise only a normal amount of nuts

Gothenburg, Sweden, Oct 30 1992 - (starts at 52:20) that light is so fucking bright, good thing Mike's grunting increases, Reese's shirt!

Edit: Stockholm, Sweden, Oct 31 1992 - (starts at 50:40) Mike and the mic stand DO NOT get along, Mike jumps into the astral plane

Edit: Munich, Germany, Nov 11 1992 - (starts at 55:37) What's FNM's opinion on giraffes? "I'll fuck it"

Aschaffenburg, Germany, Nov 17 1992 - (starts at 57:25) "what does it SAY??" I am almost certain Mike kills someone when he flips into the audience...he jumps SO HIGH

Edit: Koblenz, Germany, Nov 19 1992 - (starts at 55:25) funky video edits on this one, but...is he humping the monitor?? jfc mike

Brixton Academy, England, Nov 26 1992 - (starts 57:24) that little 180 jump Mike does kinda kill me - otherwise not a lot of Mike time

Sheffield, England, Dec 5 1992 - (starts 57:55) almost didn't add this one - video is either dark, out of focus or wildly astray for most of it

Milan, Italy, Dec 17 1992 - (starts at 53:46) ok - I could write a whole dissertation on this - bc WHAT THE FUCK MIKE

The Warfield, CA, US, Jan 20 1993 - (starts at 54:20) the band chanting "fuck me" at the beginning is still good, not as bonkers as Warfield 1992 but his voice is deeper, darker, and does make me wanna fuck...wait...is he just slamming himself at the monitor??

Hollywood Palladium, CA, US, Jan 22 1993 - (starts 56:10) the camera angle switches partway through and we somehow end up behind them? and then it cuts to the end 😭, but Hawaiian shirt Mike

Wellington, New Zealand, May 13 1993 - (starts 1:05:56) god i love 1993 Mike's voice, but i do not know how his throat does not end up broken

Christchurch, New Zealand, May 16 1993 - (starts at 1:05:57) seeing Mike just frolic into Jim's frame is pretty great, that's a squat right there

Berlin, Germany, Jun 4 1993 - (starts at 54:44) red shirt mike barely keeps himself from landing head first into the drum riser, this one seems...angry?? and flips in 1993!

Lisbon, Portugal, Jun 26 1993 - oof the sound on this one is real bad, but Mike is in fine form - jacking off the water bottle, and he definitely lands face first

Phoenix Festival, England, Jul 17 1993 - Jim's last show, and Mike is appropriately unhinged™

Bonus: someone did a supercut of best bits