#1 LETTER SHORT BTW
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List 5 favorite songs and tag 10 people, tagged by @angelof-thevoid
1: The Ark & The Tinderbox
2: Billy Joel - vienna
3: Jimmy durante and Eddie Jackson 1955
4: I Believe My Friends
5: Artificial Flowers
tags: @snarkywyvern @online-silkmoth @ozzni @thanook @moonslefttiddy @my-blog-is-a-sideblog @my-life-is-a-sidequest @weterpete @camillahuiguorou @athena-turns-into-an-eagle @traaansfem
#some reasoning for my choices :]#ark and the tinderbox has been my FAVORITE song for a GOOD while now#and while it may change#for the moment it is absolutely my beloved#billy joel my beloved nuff said#JIMMY DURANTE I FUCKING LOVE JIMMY DURANTE#EDDIE JACKSON ASWELL#I believe my friends is probably my favorite none english song by a sizeable amount#with lyrics I would add#artificial flowers is just a banger song with good lyrics#some honorable mentions#the production line. aint gonna give nobody none of my jellyroll. squeaky rags. kiss me son of god. if I were a rich man and second hand ro#1 LETTER SHORT BTW
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Your Christmas gift from the universe
How to choose a pile?
Close your eyes and take a deep breath and ask the angels to show you the right pile for you and open your eyes. The first pile that catches your attention is the right pile for you.
Masterlist
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Pile 1
You'll be reconnecting with your family and spending time with them. I know it may not be a big present but I see you'll finally be getting love from them in a way you've never before. If you do not have a good relationship with your family then expect that to change because I see that how you view your family is going to change, positively. I also see that some of you will be getting engaged or married soon. If you're in a relationship then your partner may propose to you. And for others You'll be spending your time discovering your true self. A long journey will leave you wider at the end. I see that your life will change completely next year. Someone may give you a beautiful hair accessory. You may win a lottery or get money through inheritance.
Pile 2
The situation you're stressing about is going to revolve. And if you have been struggling financially or people around you have then expect a huge amount of money from someone. I also see that you'll be blessed with a high paying job soon and it's going to be the ideal job for you. Some of you may even start your own business. But you'll succeed at whatever you're doing. If you're a content creator then expect your account to bloom soon. You'll be getting a lot of offers and opportunities. If you're thinking of going vegan then it's the best time to. Your guides are encouraging you to take a big step in your diet. Eat healthy. I also see that some of you may receive a handmade gift for someone special or someone may propose to you with handwritten letters.
Pile 3
If you're stressed out about your exams then rest assured because you're going to rock them. If you're contemplating giving a competitive exam or auditioning for something, your guides are giving you a huge green light. I also see that you're getting recognition for your ideas. But be really careful of who you share your ideas with. I also see that some of you may be ending an important chapter or moving away from a relationship. I am also seeing you traveling or going somewhere that'll help you relieve your stress , a short trip that has a huge impact on your life.
Pile 4
I just heard “the karmic needs to go in order for the soulmate to come” . You may end a toxic relationship or may get heartbroken by someone but just know that everything happens for a reason. If you're going through a heartbreak right now everything will be fine. You'll be having a lot of options in love and I'm talking about high value men, men who know how to take care of a woman. You may dream of someone significant. I also see that some of your dreams are going to come true. I see the situation balancing out and things working in your favor. I also see that you'll be receiving lots of gifts. Also some news is on the way.
Pile 5
You'll be having your new years kiss with the love of your life!!! You're the luckiest pile because I see you glowing up physically and if you have been thinking of having a baby you could conceive this holiday season. I also see that you're able to meet your soulmate, it may happen suddenly. You'll have no idea about it. I see you slaying haha. You're leveling up financially, physically, emotionally and spiritually. It's perfect. Someone new is entering your life, for some it's a companion and some of you it's a lover. Btw wear nice boots. Idk but this message was random but significant.
Pile 6
I see that you will start earning from doing what you love. Your hobby may help you financially or something that you will learn in the holiday season will have a huge impact on your life. I also see that if your family has been struggling financially everything will work out, I see debts clearing. You will encounter someone really significant or popular, or you may even meet a celebrity. One of your wishes from your wish list is going to come true. I also see you level up spiritually, you'll have a great connection with God/universe/nature. And you'll find the answers to your questions in your dreams. But be careful because temptation will test you.
#tarot reading#tarot cards#pick a card#free readings#free tarot#tarot#pick a pile#tarotblr#pick a picture#pick a photo#pick a gif#tarotcommunity#tarotwithavi#tarot witch#christmas#christmas gift#tarot readings#tarotoftumblr#tarot of tumblr#astrology
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M A S T E R P O S T
[General Tags]
₊˚.⋆ #dnd related art
₊˚.⋆ #comics and other funny things
₊˚.⋆ #tarots, full deck in progress
₊˚.⋆ #pettirossi content*, from full illustrations to session notes
₊˚.⋆ #marsilio (computer, show me pictures of the blorbo)
(*more links for the comic under the cut)
[Useful Links]
The other social
About me
Previous Asks
[Comic (TBA) - Prologue]
Cover | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4
[How to Support]
RB shop
Comms (CLOSED)
:・⚔ ||| P E T T I R O S S I ||| ⚔・:
[fantasy/horror webcomic written by @jonesylium, illustrated by me]
Inspired by our dnd campaign, the comic follows the events that brought a group of unfortunate characters together, in a city ruled by factions and tall towers, scarred by night runners and obscure legends.
⬇ ⬇ ⬇ Find out more on our comic here ⬇ ⬇ ⬇
Serious business aside...if you ever wondered what's going on in my art or who are the characters I keep drawing without providing any context - you're going to find out (some) more!
⚠️DISCLAIMER⚠️
This is our first experience in the field, as it's the first comic (of more of 3 pages) we've worked on together,,, We just really wanted to make a media with our characters, and while we know it's a wonky attempt, the dnd urge to share blorbos is strong--
(TW list in the FAQ section)
[ ₊˚.⋆ Comic Pages ⋆⁺. ]
Cover | 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 | 08 | 09 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | E1 | E2
[ ₊˚.⋆ Session Notes and More ⋆⁺. ]
⚠️⬇ Spoilers Below ⬇⚠️
Misc | Side Tales | Colors | 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 | 08 | 09 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30
[ ₊˚.⋆ Lore / Asks ⋆⁺. ]
⚠️⬇ Spoilers Below ⬇⚠️
Random Infos 1 | Random Infos 2 | Asks (WIP)
[ FAQ ]
☆ When are we getting new pages?
On every Thursday, at Midnight (Central European Time).
☆ Any trigger warning?
I'll be updating the tw list on here as the comic proceeds.
First chapter: blood, death, scars, burns, gang violence.
☆ Where should we send our asks?
You can send asks to me, @jonesylium or @pettirossiofficial! I'll do my best to reply any question concerning the comic but it'll may take some time in case I need to doodle something or need to wander the woods for 3 days to think about a good reply idk
☆ Who does what????
@jonesylium: writing and lettering (typos)
me: sketching, inking, coloring, crying
☆ Who are the characters???
Andrea [he/him]
Mars [he/him]
Misericordia [they/she]
the Twins (coming soon) [he and she]
Quarzaldo (best name btw) [he/him]
Solvi [she/her]
Toloc [he/him]
Ultima [she/her]
Will [he/him]
⚠️SHORT REF SHEETS COMING SOON⚠️
Special thanks ₊˚.⋆ to who's playing Everyone Else, aka @shaykan
☆ What is a pettirossi? Is it something you can eat or what
It's a pun about petti-rossi translating to red chests (red=rossi, chests=petti) and the italian name for robin (the bird!!!). We needed a gang name that sounded bloody and cool but not edgy.....
☆ Do you take requests?
You can hope to 'lady macbeth' me enough to make me think it was my own idea to draw something
☆ Why haven't you replied to my ask? :(
I either forgor OR your ask had a compliment in it and I'm safekeeping it in my askbox so that I have something nice to look at when I get sad
There are chances I go back to older asks so don't lose hope.....
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Luca Marinelli hugged me 🥺
Spoleto Festival, 2024
I'm Marie , 26, queer fan of Luca Marinelli from Germany and I flew to Italy for 24 hours to see the special event in Spoleto.
It was an 1 hour conversation with the crew of Luca's play. To explain: I stutter pretty severly and it's very difficult for me to talk fluently, especially in front of so many people. So i didn't think I would have the chance to ask a question. Especially since it was completely sold out.
I had written down a little thank you letter to Luca in my notes app just in case. I've been a fan of his for 10 years and his role as Nicky in The Old Guard saved my life and he continues to save it ❤️ I struggle with depression and anxiety and Nicky inspires me to eat well and Joe and Nicky make me fall in love with life.
So , the Event started in Spoleto, the cutest little town. I lived in Italy for a year some time ago so I could follow the conversation in Italian on stage easily.
Luca seemed very happy to be there and guys: he's soooooo beautiful!!! They talked a bit and started answering questions from the public. I summoned all my courage and raised my hand. Luca is fluent in German since he lives in Berlin so I started talking in German, explaining that I stutter. He was so excited to see someone from Germany 🥺 then I couldn't talk fluently due to the stutter, he said very gently "alles gut " = "it's okay ". I raised my phone to indicate i had a message for him. He came over and read it out loud in Italian since I'd written it in Italian.
In the letter I said he's a great great actor and that "his" Nicky saves my life. His SMILE when he talked about TOG added ten years to my life. He then got up, handed me back my phone and HUGGED ME!!! I didn't except it and was so surprised. That meant the world to me 🥺🥺❤️ He truly gives great hugs 🥺 the entire theatre clapped btw!!!!
He also looked soooo similar to how he looked as Nicky and that made me very emotional. He was nervous and anxious and times but I could definitely relate to that 😁
In conclusion: Luca is the kindest man ever who deserves all the success and love and kindness in his life. 🥰❤️🌠
PS: I only took one pic and one short video because I was so present and in the moment 🥰
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Home
p.1, ~1k words
ghoap/nanny reader, in which shes roped in to care for a poorly johnny who just wants his big family :(
[tags/cw; dubcon, noncon, breeding, use of alcohol, implied death, threats of violence, overall weird and creepy johnny, actually deranged johnny, simon’s off his rocker, blackmailing, ect.]
AAAAAAAAA i’ve been thinking about this for literally so long, im sorry it’s so so short i just needed to get it out :( it’s my first big-girl fic, and the first part. thanks @ceilidho for letting me spit this idea to you! btw, NOT beta-read. im sorry.
It was a gloomy day when you got the news you would lose your job, something about budget cuts and lack of funding. It was gloomy again, a month later when you found yourself short on rent. Cold, cloudy and gray when you got your eviction notice. No warnings, just a handwritten letter commanding your evacuation in a months time. Signed by your landlord. Nights of manic panic, rushing to pack and overwhelmed with the prospect of selling all your worldly possessions to afford a shitty motel room seemed to fly by.
The dim light of your phone illuminated your dark bedroom, scrolling through a less than ideal advertising website, reduced to this after exhausting all other resources. Rejection email after rejection email piled up in your inbox, fueling your anxiety like no other.
You scanned the listings, some odd and some underpaying labor jobs littered across the page. Suddenly, bold black letters flashed across your screen. It states simply, ‘Live-in nanny needed to assist first time dad. Give me a ring.’ This has to be a scam. It’s too good to be true, a job and a place to stay? A smile cracks across your face as you click on the listing. It offers no other information, just a phone number at the bottom of the advert. You think for a second, then decide that you’re out of options completely and this is better than a concrete pillow. Your heart flutters as you punch the numbers in, hesitating just a beat before pressing the green ‘call’ button.
It rings for about a minute, and hope exits your body with every monotone mechanical sound. Voicemail. Fuck. You hang up, groaning as you fall back onto your bed and allow your phone to drift from your clammy hands to your chest. The droning sound of a fan overtakes your thoughts.
Your phone vibrates loudly on your sternum, jolting you upright. The number feels unfamiliar, but you’re certain it’s the one from the nanny listing. You accept the call.
“Yeah?” A gruff voice on the other end greeted, followed by a loud blowing sound, as if he were smoking. You could smell the cigarette through the phone.
“Oh, hi! I’m calling about the nanny ad, I’m very-“
“Have any experience?” He cut you off, blowing sound accompanying his accented voice again.
“Oh yes, I-“
“Right. Meet me at that coffee place ‘round the corner of 5th in an hour.”
The line went silent.
“Um.. okay, see you soon.” you called after, to which you were met with no response. A look at your home screen revealed he had already hung up.
Thirty minutes later, you began your walk to the designated shop. Maybe being early would show some initiative for the job, or maybe it would look pathetic. Your mother always said to show up early to everything, anyway.
The coffee shop is quiet, few patrons sprinkled few and far between the tables and booths. The smell of brewing coffee is so strong it makes you nauseous. The back of your neck tingles and you can feel eyes burning through your skull. You turn to look, and a pair of brown eyes meet yours.
God, if looks could kill.
A tall, wide man tears into you, unmoving in his gaze. Jesus, not even a blink. He sits almost a foot taller than the back of the booth, black surgical mask barely covering an ugly scar etched across his cheek. His hood shadows his face, dark hoodie tight over thick biceps.
Is this guy real?
You blink, gaze faultering and searching for a break from contact. Uneasiness floods your stomach and you contemplate just walking back out and going to bed. He whistles quickly as soon as you turn your head back, motioning with his finger to sit. You follow.
“You must be the dad about the nanny gig? I didn’t catch your name, sorry.”
“Didn’t give it to you.”
You inhale and nod.
“Well, we’re both here a little early.” You look him over in an attempt to find something to connect on. “I like your tattoos.” you try, suddenly finding your hands awkward on the table.
“Can you handle a baby?”
You nod, eyes shooting up to meet his. He hasn’t stopped looking directly into your eyes, and it’s making you nervous. You haven’t seen him blink yet.
“What about a man? Cooking, cleaning? Can you keep the place nice?”
“I can, I used to babysit my neighbors, little cousins. I have a clean record, I don’t drink, and I can keep a nice house.”
He stays quiet for a minute too long, and you’re ready to accept defeat.
“You can have the guest room, I’ll send you your pay at the end of the week. Here’s my number, call me when you’re all packed up and I’ll pick you up.”
“Today?”
“Before next week.”
He slides a napkin across the table to you, smudged ink scribbled over the thin paper. Before you can ask anything else, he’s already sliding out of the booth. He groans loudly as he stretches popping joints, arms extended high in the air. You catch a glimpse of his hairy belly when his hoodie rides up. His eyes meet yours when you hastily look away, and you could swear a smirk hides under that little mask of his.
“Is that all? I’m hired?”
He nods and walks away, never looking back as he exits the cafe. A shiver erupts up your spine, an uncomfortable churning presses in your stomach. Maybe it’s just too weird, maybe you’re being too weird, maybe you’re overthinking something so simple- but he wouldn’t stop staring. A low hiss emanates from the small tv mounted on the wall, catching your attention.
A nature documentary. A panther sits atop a tree, staring attentively at something small on the grassy earth below. A deer flicks its ears, some primal instinct allowing it to be somewhat aware of danger. It flicks its head around, scanning its surroundings for the source. The panther pounces, sinking its sharp fangs into the fragile neck of the doe beneath it.
You look away as the deer begins to bleat pathetically.
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Duty PT 5½
PAIRING: Robb Stark X Reader
WORD COUNT: 2,475
WARNINGS: none!
SUMMARY: Robb's Queen falls ill and he is not quite sure how to handle it.
PART 1| PART 2 | PART 3 | PART 4 | PART 4 ½ | PART 5 | PART 6
MASTERLIST | ROBB STARK MASTERLIST
A/N: This is kind of short drabble-type chapter setting up the next two! Please send a message, comment, send an ask so i can hear from you! and hope you enjoy 🥰🫶🏾 (Part 6 dropping tomorrow night –UK nighttime btw 🤭)
Robb has grown used to your company in recent weeks. He was surprised the first time you came to his study for no reason other than to talk, but he came away from that evening happy to have seen and spoken with you.
Eventually, those nightly visits became more of an expectation. Sometimes you’ll have a conversation over tea and cakes and other nights he’ll share a laugh with you over supper with a belly full of ale. Occasionally you watch him work while doing needlepoint or sewing up his trousers – because he always seems to rip the seams – providing a needed distraction whenever he gets too frustrated with the contents of his letters.
It is routine. One he quite enjoys, which is why when you don’t come to his study tonight, he’s not upset, he’s worried. He thinks to ignore it and continue on with his work, but he struggles to concentrate on any of it when his mind keeps wandering back to you.
He has enough after a few minutes and rises to his feet intending to find you and determine that everything is alright. As he walks around the Great Keep, not a single person he passes can tell him where you are. His casual stroll slowly morphs into a hurried walk as he begins heading towards your chambers. That is when he runs into someone.
Elyse.
He almost doesn’t realise it is her at first, so focused on where he is going that he brushes past her. It is only at the sound of her voice when she stops to curtsey that he recognises who it is. He spins back around as he already passed her a little, cocking his head to the side.
“Elyse,” he breathes as he approaches her slowly, “How are you?”
They have not spoken in some weeks now. It is awkward between them. It has never been awkward. He suspects that she has been avoiding him, but a part of him chooses to believe that only because he has in fact been avoiding her out of guilt.
She looks up at him, a thin yet soft smile on her lips. “I am well,” she says, though her pained eyes tell a different story.
Robb has the urge to pry her for more questions. The only reason he has stayed away from her is because things can never be as they were once. Not if he intends to honour his vows to you.
He doesn’t want her to feel as though he has simply cast her aside and forgotten her. But as soon as he’s about to raise a hand to take hers, he stops himself, remembering why he is here in this corridor in the first place. He is trying to find you.
“Have you seen…?” his voice trails off before he can say your name. He doesn’t know if that would be offensive or unnecessarily hurtful.
But it doesn’t need to be said because she knows who he refers to just by the look in his eyes.
“The Queen is in her chambers. With Maester Luwin.”
That means something is wrong, and though he wants to stay and ease Elyse’s hurt, he does not have the time for it.
“Thank you, Elyse,” he lingers for a moment, knowing there are still many things unsaid between them, before making his way to your chambers.
Just as he arrives at the door, Maester Luwin steps outside, jumping when he sees Robb.
“Your Grace,” he bows as best as he can while shutting the door, " Forgive me, I was not expecting you."
Robb frowns as he glances from the closed door to Maester Luwin, “Has something happened?”
The Maester shakes his head slowly, “Her Grace has fallen ill, but–”
“Why was I not made aware?"
"It was quite sudden," he explains, then places a hand on Robb's shoulder, "But it is nothing serious, you need not worry yourself."
Mester Luwin's voice is comforting, but Robb's heart remains unsettled. You are his responsibility now, and whatever pain befalls you – illness or injury – weighs on him. That is the only reason why he is concerned.
The only reason.
He looks at Maester Luwin and asks, "What ails her?"
Maester Luwin seems unsure of whether to answer at first, but then he lowers his voice and begins to speak, "You are aware that women pass bloods once every moon's turn?"
In fact Robb did not know that it happens every moon's turn. He thought it happened once when a girl becomes a woman. Nevertheless, he nods his head as if he did know before this very moment.
"Is that what this is?"
Maester Luwin nods, “It seems Her Grace passes her moonblood with great difficulty. But her pain and discomfort should fade in the coming days.”
Robb glances at the door yet again, debating whether or not he should go in.
“She is resting now,” Maester Luwin says, practically peering into Robb’s thoughts, “You should look in on her, put your mind at ease.”
His head snaps in the maester’s direction, “My mind is already at ease.” There is a hint of defensiveness in his tone.
“Of course, Your Grace,” Maester Luwin bows before taking his leave to return to the rookery.
Alone with his own thoughts, Robb considers returning to his solar to continue working. He knows now that no great harm has befallen you and you will be just fine, but his heart is still unsatisfied. With little hesitation, he twists the handle and pushes the door open.
One week after your wedding, Robb began to notice that his chambers smelled different. It almost annoyed him how quickly the room adopted your scent. It clung to everything, the sheets, the pillows – even Robb's own clothes. But over time, he came to appreciate that earthy, yet sweet smell. It gave him comfort.
That is why the first thing he notices upon entering the room is how different it smells. The aroma of medicine hangs in the air, no doubt from whatever treatment Maester Luwin has provided.
You're lying on the bed when he enters, curled up into a ball. As soon as Robb closes the door, your eyes flutter open, following him as he approaches you wordlessly.
"Your Grace," you begin in the softest voice he's ever heard from your lips, "I would curtsey or sit up, but as you can see, I am in no state for such."
"I wouldn’t ask you to," he smiles as he sits on the bed right beside you. He glances at the cup sitting on your bedside table, "What are you drinking?"
You tilt your head slightly to see what Robb is looking at before returning your gaze to him. "Maester Luwin gave me something for the pain," you say, "I don't remember what is in it."
"You are in pain?"
Robb's concern increases when you nod.
"Where is the pain?" he asks.
"Here."
Robb looks down at where your hand is cradling your stomach. His eyes snap back up to you when he hears you wince, clutching your stomach tighter. He hates to see you in such terrible pain, and it is worse knowing he can do nothing to ease it.
"Will it be like this for you after every moon's turn?"
You shake your head, "Not every time. It was not like this during the last one – that is why you did not know it was happening."
Even after seeing you and speaking with you, Robb's worry does not dissipate. There is still a pit in his stomach. It dawns on him that he is not only concerned because you are his responsibility. He wants you to recover quickly because…well, it is you.
He raises his hands to your face, stopping when he sees the startled look on your face.
"Do you mind?" he asks, hands still hovering over you. He proceeds when you nod.
Gently, he presses his palms against your cheeks. You remain completely still under his touch, your heart racing. After a moment, he moves his hand to your forehead.
"What are you doing?"
He looks down, meeting your eyes which are staring up at him, before pulling back from you, "I'm checking for a fever."
You chuckle lightly, an infectious sound, "I'm not sure fevers are common with my particular ailment."
"It is better to be sure."
You smile softly before closing your eyes, a comfortable silence settling between the two of you. Robb sits there, listening to your breathing and waiting for you to fall asleep.
After a few minutes, your eyes open again.
"Don't let me keep you, you ought to rest," you whisper, "Your mother has prepared the guest chamber for you."
Robb is taken aback, "The guest chamber? Why should I stay there and not here as always?"
"Because you work from dawn to dusk and I will not have you lacking sleep simply because I am ill. Besides, your mother insisted."
Robb looks up at the ceiling and shakes his head. Of course his mother would be the one to insist. But still, he does not want to bring you any further discomfort anyways, so he obliges yours and his mother's wishes.
"I will be sure to look in on you again tomorrow," he promises as he rises to his feet. His gaze lingers on you for a moment before he finally says, "Sleep well, Y/N."
***
The next night, Robb is not happy when he finds the tray from your supper untouched. It lies discarded on the floor beside your bed, not even a grain of rice has been moved.
You're asleep when he enters the room, and even when he sits on the bed, you remain still. There is no snoring however, which lets Robb know that you are not sleeping soundly. Your forehead is creased and even in your sleep you're clutching something to your stomach.
This illness seems to have gotten worse, which only serves to make Robb feel more guilty for not coming to see you during the day. He leans down and presses the back of his hand to your clammy forehead, then his palms to your cheeks. Just to be sure again that there is no fever.
You wake while he is in the middle of doing this, momentarily shocked to see him practically on top of you. Robb instantly draws his hands back when he hears your gasp.
"I apologise, I was only checking–"
"Robb," you sigh heavily and slowly pull yourself up into a sitting position, "There is no fever. I have told you, this will pass."
He nods even though his worry remains.
"I'm sorry that I did not come earlier."
You wave a hand and shake your head. "It is quite alright, I completely under–"
You're cut off by an intense and sharp pain in your lower stomach and back that makes you hold your breath and squeeze your eyes shut. Too distracted by the pain, you don't even realise when Robb takes your hand at first, but once his calloused fingers clasp around your hand, you give it a tight squeeze to help the pain pass.
"Are you alright?"
Your eyes open to meet Robb's staring back into them. His brows are drawn together and he is sitting close to you on the bed, both his hands now holding yours.
"Yes," you whisper as you pull your hand out of his grasp, licking your dry lips, "I'm fine."
He looks like he wants to say more, but instead he sits back, placing his hands back in his lap. You can see clearly that he is concerned about you, more than you expected him to be – likely because he does not understand what is happening.
In some way, it is comforting to know that he cares.
“Tell me what I can do to help you.”
Robb is not a man who enjoys feeling useless. Even more so in recent years, considering all the tragedy that has befallen his family. And seeing you this way, sickly and vulnerable – the complete opposite of how he’s always seen you – is deeply unsettling.
"Distract me from the pain," you say, offering him the smallest way to make you feel better, "Tell me about your day. What has kept you so occupied?"
He doesn’t know how talking about ledgers and reports would help you, but he does so anyway.
“I spent much of the day preparing for the arrival of some men from the front.”
“Who is coming?”
“Lord Umber is bringing back some of the men we captured,” he sighs, “Our cells down there are too crowded, and some of the men are workers whose surrenders I’ve accepted.”
You raise a skeptical brow, “You trust Lannister soldiers?”
Robb is surprised – and a little amused – that you’re questioning his decision. He’s not sure he minds, however. In fact, he appreciates your taking an interest.
“I don’t,” he chuckles, “But these are men from the Brotherhood Withou–“
He’s cut off when you grab his hand to squeeze as another cramp hits. Instantly he forgets what he was talking about and gently takes both your hands. When the pain passes, you reach over to the side table and take a sip from the cup sitting there.
You notice Robb's inquisitive stare and nod to the cup, "It's the same tea from last night," you mumble, your eyes feeling heavier, "Apparently, it is a weaker dosage of milk of the poppy."
"Milk of the poppy makes you drowsy, no?"
"That explains why I have slept most of the day," you smile weakly.
Robb chuckles and strokes the back of your hand as you lean back and shut your eyes, "I should not have woken you."
"Perhaps not."
"Shall I leave?" he asks.
"No," you answer in a light voice, barely above a whisper, "Stay."
And so he does. He watches over you even after you fall asleep. It is not until your light snores begin to fill the room, a sure sign that you are in a deep slumber, that he decides to leave. He gently places your hand over your stomach and pulls the blankets up to your chest to make sure that you stay warm through the night.
Before he leaves, he can't help but watch you for a moment, listening to your slow breathing. You appear so at peace, and the sight warms his heart. In that moment, he knows that he has let go of any residual resentment he may have had towards you.
"Do feel better soon, my Lady," he whispers, "I long for our evening chats."
*
Special thanks to these lovely people (and all the new people hiiii!😘 Please let me know if you’d like to be added to the taglist (@’s in bold I can’t seem to tag :/):
@witchywrter, @satan2002, @kingniazx, @ria132love @ietss @spn-obession @hotleaf-juice @simonsbluee @shawty-writes-a-little @sarcasm-n-insomnia @harrietbarnesblog @simonsbluee @delicatelyherdreams @tiredstrangerr @xxgarden @davnwillcomee @are-y0u-sirius @dreamy-caramel @iw4milf @jessyballet @greekktragedyy @spid3rgwen @sasuke-deserved-better @lycheecreams @bport76 @itspbjellytime @forever-and-more @holysmokesblog @callmemaeverick @njadakaufey @albeeox @ethereal-concepts @lacontroller1991 @losers-club6 @pulisvertz @universeoflonelystarlight @idkjj04 @cullenswife @oscarisaacsleftknee @fandomarchiveilyd @bekky06 @random-human02 @labellapeaky @alastorhazbin @shawtybaess @larissareadings @johnmurphys-sass @millies0bsimp @bluesongbird @starrstrucked @lifetimeofadventue @sweet-lilacwine @cherrywinepoison @vixemi @multitargaryen @gxlden-honey @faatxma @stargaryenx @dumbledorezz @starrstrucked @lifetimeofadventue @sweet-lilacwine @vera0124 @sunsetsimpsblog @barnes70stark @hiatuswhore @vyctorya @starrstrucked @lifetimeofadventue @sweet-lilacwine @someone658379 @esposadomd
#robb stark#robb stark x reader#robb x reader#robb stark imagine#got#got imagine#game of thrones#game of thrones imagine#richard madden#got x reader#stark x reader#duty#robb stark fic#richard madden x reader#house of the dragon#hotd
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turns out ppl were right when they said its fun to make a letter to yourself from your f/o this was so much fun . i only did a short letter cos daves handwriting is honestly kind of painful to write in but its ok 👍 i will be doing additions from john jade n rose later also
transcript of the letter & comic beneath the cut cos his handwriting is admittedly a bit hard to read
letter:
so uh [line break] hey or whatever [line break] this letter is kinda totally out of nowhere and shit i know but like idk we thought it might be cool just cos like obvs we cant talk in person. ik it probably looks like some sort of big gesture or whatever but its really just necessity so dont start giggling n blushing n shit ok. who am i kidding you probably already are i bet this is exactly the kind of sappy shit youre cooking up in your fantasies every night. id make fun of you for it but this is supposed to be a nice letter so. lucky you [line break] uh yeah thats all i got rn dude so yeah. i got the others involved too so its less weird btw. [line break] peace out dawg [line break] tg
comic (from left to right, top to bottom):
“hey wow lkook at this totally SWEET BRO!!1!1!!11!” “#just hanging out” “(its you)” “he’s jsut too cool………….” “STOP CRYING LOL” “hahahaha omg jus thow HIGH do you hav 2 be 2 be this COOL”
along the bottom of the page it says “SWEET BRO & HELLA JEFF SPECIAL EDISHUN”
#had to sit down and be like. it doesnt count as me swearing if im writing it as dave IT DOESNT COUNT!! cos im a freak abt me swearing#but other than that this was legit so much fun esp making the sbahj comic#i tried to make it seem like it was actually hand drawn by dave#hence why i used his handwriting still and stuff#selfship#selfship art#selfshipping#homestuck selfship#my art#this is supposed to be a. pre-any sort of relationship and b. in a no-sburb au probably btw#bc im still at the point of feeling too awkward to write a proper romantic style letter to myself lol
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Chapter 1 (the letter) will x lisi au
7 a.m. November 17, 2023
Today is the day.
At four p.m. Lisi will find out if she is accepted to play in the world juniors her third year in a row.
A month prior Lisi received the letter in the mail stating that she was a possible draft prospect and to keep up to date if the world juniors wanted her. It's not that she was really nervous about not getting a chance to return to the team but almost half of her freshman season was cut short due to a shoulder injury.
At seven sharp Lisi heard the piercing noise of her alarm clock going off. She groaned and turned over turning off the alarm before putting the covers over her head. She was never much of an early riser. Just as she begins to doze back off there's a knock on her bedroom door.
"Lisi can I come in?" a small, shy voice from the other side of the door calls out.
Elliot.
Elliot is Lisi's younger brother- the baby of the family who has been attached at the girls hip since she could remember. He has always had a habit of getting up before everyone else and waiting outside her bedroom door for the alarm clock to go off before asking to come in.
Lisi lets out a short sigh before responding. "Sure bud comm'on in." Not even a second later Elliot is rushing into the room straight on to Lisi's bed.
Elliot looks up at her and whispers "Are you nervous about today?" Lisi looks up at her little brother with a slight smile "Only a little bit, nothing crazy to worry about." He smiles before it slowly fades from his face, "If you leave I'm not going to see you for a long time." Lisi's eyes soften at the little boy "Don't worry too much babe, it's only a couple of weeks."
"Yeah I guess." He mumbles. Lisi pauses for a minute before speaking up "Tell you what, let me get ready and you can come with me and Allison to get breakfast and get ready tonight." Elliots eyes light up before bolting up from the bed "Really?!" Lisi almost laughs "Yes really now go get ready or I'll leave you here." She warns. Before she can say more Elliot is up from the bed and halfway down the hallway.
After Elliot is out of the room, Lisi gets up from bed and starts to get ready for the day. She throws on some straight legged-light washed jeans and a baggy graphic t-shirt before brushing her hair.
---
As she walks down the stairs her phone pings twice.
Going into the living room Lisi takes her phone out of her back pocket and see's that she has a text from her best friend and an unsaved number in her phone.
iMessages
Alley Cat: im ready for ya whenever u get here ;)
Lisi: gotcha be there as soon as E's ready <3
Lisi smiles at Allison's text before getting another message from the unknown number.
iMessages
xxx-xxx-xxxx: yo future miss usa cap we're in madison rn if you want to meet up
xxx-xxx-xxxx: oh shit this is ryan btw
Ryan? Ryan who? Lisi scrunched her eyebrows before texted back.
Lisi: um ryan who sorry?
xxx-xxx-xxxx: damn you don't see someone in four months and the forget who you are :(
The lightbulb went off in her head before she grinned and rolled her eyes.
Lisi: leonard. that's totally not my fault i have your old number. if anything you forgot about me when you didn't send me the new one.
Ryan Leoser: um well thats irrelevant anywho you wanna meet up with us
Lisi: and who is us?
Ryan Leoser: me gabeo and smitty
Lisi: I suppose I can make time for you guys in my sched yk busy day and all
Ryan Leoser: yeah yeah grandma where you wanna meet
Lisi: blah blah blah meet me and allison at breakfall in 45 don't be late
Ryan Leoser: yes ma'am i've got a very excited blondie wanting to see you. he'll make sure we aren't late.
---
Lisi grins before turning off her phone before calling out to Elliot. "Let's go bud we got a lot to do today." Elliot comes rushing down the hallway before making it to the door.
As they walk out to Lisi's car she speaks up to her brother "Do me one favor El?" He looks up at her with curious eyes "What?"
Lisi tries to hold in her laugh "Never become as annoying as Ryan Leonard."
~an~
hooray chapter one is done *cue bullhorn*
any who this is only slightly proof-read so mb for any mistakes
also ikik no will this chapter :( BUT he is coming don't even fret
also ryan<3
#will x lisi#team usa#will smith#will smith hockey#bc hockey#gabe perreault#boston college hockey#hockey#nhl hockey#nhl x reader#ryan leonard#rutger mcgroarty#jacob fowler
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One of the things that makes the older, Medieval versions of Sir Lancelot different from the modern interpretations is his male relationships outside of Arthur.
The above scene is from Vulgate cycle, where Lancelot had just read a letter that reveals to him Mordred's heritage and future destiny to kill Arthur and destroy Camelot.
While he likes/"loves" Arthur well enough, Lancelot's feelings for Gawain outweigh those feelings, which is enough to spare Mordred, whom Lancelot would really like to kill on the spot*.
In short, Lancelot puts his concerns for Gawain above that of Arthur's very survival and, by extension, Camelot's - a different take away from what a lot of Post-Malory material would have you believe.
Ultimately, Arthur is not even second place, much less at the top**, of the totem pole of Lancelot's priorities.
(*TBH, killing a fellow knight because of what a holy man posthumously said is iffy)
(**That's Guinevere BTW. Guinevere is always #1 on Lancelot's list. Even Galehaut "lost" to Guinevere)
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A Stitch In Time First Read Reactions & Thoughts Monster Post Part 1
Basically exactly what it says on the tin! I kept making notes while I was reading and somehow it grew into this sprawling monstrosity that had to be split into three parts haha. In short: I loved this book, 10/10 incredibly gay and full of yearning Garak is there the whole time would recommend.
Quotes from the book in normal text, my reflections, reactions and self-indulgent bits in italics :) Please, please only click on that read-more if you're ready for some truly long-winded nonsense, I fear I have gone and been extremely myself about this and I can only beg your forbearance for it while I get it out of my system lol
Part 2, Part 3
- My dear Doctor:
Forgive my delay in responding to your kind communications. I wanted to give this modest chronicle I’ve enclosed a modicum of organization and update it before I sent it on to you. Thank you for your concern. I have thought of you often since our last meeting, and I am pleased to hear that your life on Deep Space 9 remains challenging and productive. Considering all the changes that have taken place I would have expected nothing less. And I’m certainly not surprised that your research proposals have been accepted. You’re a brilliant young scientist—even if you are genetically enhanced. As for my life here …
This is such a deceptively innocuous and normal-sounding beginning to what is about to be an extremely unnormal and unhinged thing to send a friend as a letter. He made it all of one paragraph of keeping it chill and I honestly think that’s pretty impressive all things considered. Thankfully Julian Bashir — who, let’s not forget, gave Jadzia his fucking diaries to read after much shorter acquaintanceship than what what we’re operating on here — is possibly the one person in the galaxy with the unhinged energy to take it.
(‘I have thought of you often’ he says. And how., as we shall see)
- Yes—I’m afraid you weren’t expecting this response to your kind inquiry; it goes a bit further than “Greetings from Cardassia—Wish you were here.”
Fhksjdfhasdkj well. In spirit that is exactly what you’re saying tho garak fhdskjaas. It’s just that you’re also pathologically incapable of shutting the hell up and for this I love and treasure you.
- So why Captain Sisko is so upset with me because I accomplished the goal (which he established!) of getting Romulus into the war against the Dominion baffles me. And it’s not because of the few lives that were sacrificed. Federation expansion has taken a toll in countless life-forms—about most of which they are blissfully unaware. The moment you step into a garden and begin to cultivate and prune, you become a killer. Perhaps the captain was upset because he had hesitated to do what was necessary to insure the integrity of his garden. Sentimentality is another trait that makes humans dangerous.
*Garak voice* Julian please tell me why your boss is so mad at me I literally solved all his problems for him. for which he’s wELCOME btw
Eyes open for recurring metaphors about gardeners, Tolan is haunting this narrative and it’s only polite to say hello whenever he shows up
- Indulge me, if you will; I need you as a witness.
Can I just say how fucking wild it is in terms of character development for Garak to openly admit he needs someone interpersonally. Incredibly fucked up that he writes both parts of this directly to Julian, though — both the part where he’s pretty sure he’s going to die trying to free Cardassia from the Dominion, and the ‘now’ timeline on post-war Cardassia where he seems to be dazedly coming to the realization that he might live, actually, and what that means to him.
- As a child I would go to the Tarlak Sector with Father, and while he supervised his crews I’d play by myself amid the black-and-white angularity of the monuments, imagining myself a great gul or legate giving the funeral oration for a fallen comrade.
Already we are starting to spot the thread, if you’ll excuse the expression, of why Garak might be Like That
I also came to admire Damar’s idealism, which led him to renounce his allegiance to the Dominion. If he had one weakness it was his propensity for long-winded speeches. But given the fact that none of us are perfect, the man would have made a fine leader.
As I stood at the memorial service, I thought about all the grand affairs I had witnessed here when I was a boy. None of our famed heroes and statesmen has ever had such a humble service—and none of them, from Tret Akleen on, deserved more than Corat Damar.
You are a species of long-winded speakers and Pythas Lok
- Dr. Parmak, the unit leader, worked furiously to stabilize the little girl, and when she was evacuated by the transport unit he broke down. He’s a very good man, this Dr. Parmak; he reminds me of an older version of you, Doctor.
Introducing Dr. Kelas Parmak, last seen in the then-noodle incident mentioned in The Die is Cast. Quite possibly the chillest person who has ever lived, considering he gets over the whole thing where Garak like tortured him pretty fast. (To be fair Garak DID say he was sorry. Between this case and Odo’s, that apparently goes a surprisingly long way lol)
- But Garak, you’ll say, there’s no excuse for killing a defenseless woman. And there isn’t… unless you’ve been brought up in our system.
I love that he keeps a little Julian around in his head to talk to at all times. That’s one of the most freakishly intimate things in this whole book of freakish intimacy. Garak has a little Tain on one shoulder and a little Julian on the other shoulder and they have heated debates as to the validity of murder as a solution to any given problem that’s put before him
- I also thought about this Cardassian sense of duty and how it is largely responsible for bringing those of us who are left to these current circumstances. I asked Dr. Parmak how an entire people can come under the sway of this duty and blindly give allegiance to a state that goes mad and murders its own children.
“Poisonous pedagogy, Elim,” he replied. “We believe what we are taught.”
Poison/Disease contagion is a metaphor that will wind through this whole thing,and different people mean different things by it. Parmak means it about The Facism, which is the right one. You’ll be unsurprised to hear that Dukat Sr. has a rather different spin on it, and that he’s wrong!
- But Tain at home was anything but mysterious. It was not unusual for Uncle Enabran to appear and take me away on some excursion that involved a long walk through a section of the city. During these walks he’d test my awareness, and challenge me to describe a house or a person we’d just passed. If I hadn’t been paying attention and couldn’t remember the details, the walk was over and we’d silently return home under the oppressive weight of his disapproval. He also seemed to know how I was performing at school, and if he wasn’t satisfied with my progress or behavior he’d punish me. I was a hard worker but I had a mischievous streak, and I enjoyed getting others involved in questionable activities and arranging it so they were found out and took the blame. On those rare occasions when I was caught, Tain would somehow find out and punish me—not for my misdeed, but for having been caught. And after he discovered my fear of small, dark spaces, his favorite punishment became keeping me in one until I had convinced him that I had analyzed and fully understood how my mischievous scheme had gone wrong. I found it odd that Mother and Father never had anything to say about these punishments.
. . .
At first I thought I was in trouble, and my face must have reflected this fear because Father attempted to reassure me with a forced smile. But the uncharacteristic falsity of his behavior and his barely concealed agitation only made the situation worse. I had never seen him like this. Mother’s face was a mask; it revealed nothing. She spoke as if I needed to clean off the day’s work before we ate.
Garak treats him and Bashir ‘drifting apart’ the same way he describes his young self being trained by Tain to go over his ‘mistakes’ — what did I do wrong? You also see it (almost most heartbreakingly to me) from Tolan when he gets sharper out of worry at the end of the scene where the agent comes to take Garak away to the Bamarren Institute:
I was stunned. I wanted to ask more, I wanted to ask about the dedication ceremony that afternoon, but I didn’t dare. Father had that look when one of the workers didn’t get it right the first time. But what had I done wrong?
Oh buddy. He’s so fucking confused. The only thing you’ve done wrong yet is having been born with some connection to Enabran Tain, Elim, I’m so sorry
- We were the “missing pieces”—and in order to find our place in the mosaic of civilized society, we had to be broken down and reconstructed from the bottom up.
Keep your eyes open for ‘broken down and reconstructed’ too, it will be on the final test lol
- The good captain gave me one of his bemused stares.
Sisko ILU. He’s not in this book a lot so I’ll take the chance to say it here, because I do.
- It was explained to us that until we became disciplined in our relations with the “complementary gender” we would make better progress this way. When I asked One Tarnal how we would learn this discipline without interaction between the sexes, he blinked and mumbled something about “distractions.” When I asked what that meant I was told that I had a loose mouth and given five days of hygiene-chamber maintenance as punishment.
“You don’t know enough to ask so many questions.”
Elim 'Genuinely & Guilelessly Too Deeply Pansexual To Be Able To Follow This Logic’ Garak
- Pythas/Eight descriptions because this is a bad mutual crush situation:
- Unfortunately, the only student left was quiet Eight Lubak, who kept completely to himself. He agreed to accompany me and quickly moved to the door. He was short and slender, and his dark eyes and long lashes made him look younger than the rest of us. He was almost too delicate for a Cardassian. I was not encouraged … but I had no choice.
‘Dark eyes and long lashes’ huh lol
I started to follow him, but he made it clear that I should stay where I was and wait. All during this, Eight was quiet and controlled—and as sure of himself as if he’d done this many times. How did he know where he was going?
. . .
His face was dark, intense with concentration; his brow ridges, which were unusually pronounced, cast shadows over his eyes. My heart began to pound when I realized what Eight was planning. These were certain to be older students, but he expressed no hesitation, no doubt.
. . .
I didn’t know then if I could ever call Eight a friend. Something about him was strange and impenetrable. But it didn’t matter. At least I knew there was one person in my section I could trust. How I had misjudged him. It was obvious that Eight had what Cardassians call a ferocious spirit—and that I could learn a great deal from him.
. . .
Eight also came from a “service” family background, and it was soon clear to everyone that he should have been designated One Lubak, a fact not lost on the actual holder of that designation who, judging from his behavior and speech, came from the highest echelons of our society.
. . .
Five was an athlete who also did well in class. I could see that he was attracted to Eight. As indeed I was.
Big round of applause for Andrew Robinson managing to sneak the skywritten subtext into the text like this, it’s an exceedingly rare gift to get to have from the media of this time
. . .
But by then the group had passed. What murk? Me? Have all the others been captured? Surely not Eight. I couldn’t believe that was possible.
. . .
The only member of my group who performed as well in all areas was the taciturn Eight.
. . .
The truth, of course, was that I didn’t know how to forge those kinds of bonds. I wanted to be closer to Eight, and to a lesser degree Five, who besides being one of the great Pit strategists Bamarren ever had was fair in all his dealings.
. . .
Eight remained for a few more minutes. I had the feeling that he wanted to say something more to me. Suddenly he turned and disappeared behind a barrier. The air was filled with whatever went unsaid. He was as shy as anyone I had ever known.
The boys are being useless lesbians at each other omg……… what must this whole mess look like from Pythas’ POV tho. He’s been keeping an eye on his friend/crush so he doesn’t get himself killed by running his mouth off too much to the wrong person and before he knows it the guy is embroiled in an inadvisable bisexual sandwich of betrayal and savage intrigue. I wonder if anything would have been different if Garak and Pythas had managed to actually talk to each other here.
- Eight was the only person who deserved number One as much as I did—maybe more. My solitary behavior was not always in service to the group. Eight and I exchanged encouraging looks. The support of my one constant friend was all I wanted. I sat there and shut out everything else.
*Garak whenever someone prefers Pythas over him* understandable honestly I’d do the same thing he’s the best have a nice day
End Pythas/Eight teen crush corner
- My mind wandered. I was sure that I heard sounds of the women students gusting with the winds. Suddenly mother materialized … she looked like she was apologizing. I wanted to tell her how much I missed her, but her image dissolved and … Father took her place. I knew he was telling me something very important, but I was growing dizzy and afraid that I’d join Six on the ground … his words were carried away by the winds.
Suffering and agony
Some assorted 'Just assure me that I'm not going mad, Doctor'/Garak's ever-tenuous grip on his mental health moments:
-I don’t know why I wasn’t surprised that he knew. Instead, I was grateful; it told me I wasn’t going mad.
A recurring worry for him I’m sure it means nothing! I feel the same fellowship with him as I do with Harrow in The Locked Tomb series, which I’m sure says even less, don’t worry about it.
And how do we even begin to rebuild a world that doesn’t exist anymore? A world that exists in my mind with the same arid bitterness as the dust in my mouth. I have never lived with despair, Doctor, the way I live with it now. It’s almost like a phantom companion that shadows me and casts doubt on whatever I do.
“Why save him?” it asks, as we remove a young boy from the rubble of a school. “You’re only keeping him alive for a future of privation and chaos. Wouldn’t it be more satisfying to join the burial unit?”
I want to scream at this phantom, to shut it up. Once I turned around suddenly and raised my hand to strike it. When I realized it wasn’t there, it was too late. Everyone in the unit was looking at me; I’m sure I must have looked like a madman. Dr. Parmak tried to send me home, but I refused—alone it’s even worse.
I’m just imagining Julian arriving on Cardassia like ‘hey yeah I got your letter and we should fuck about it right now but first of all have you told Parmak you’ve been having vivid hallucinations again because that’s very relevant medical information Garak!!!’
- But it was in the Pit and my work with Calyx that I suffered the most. My dreaming made me “an air man.”
“You have no grip, no focus. How can you find your strength if you can’t hold your place? Living in your dreams is like living in exile.”
*whisper* pls don't...
- As I tried to put faces on the shadowy children, they began to approach me. They became more distinct as they moved through the rain and haze. Can you believe it, Doctor? They weren’t my schoolmates; they were the Cardassian orphans from the Resettlement Center on Bajor we once visited. The orphans left after the Cardassian occupation forces withdrew. The same young girl was their leader and her lips formed the same question.
Have you come to take us home?
I jumped up. I felt the shed closing in, threatening to swallow me. I ran out into the rain and gloom.
“There is no home anymore! Can’t you see that? Look around you! It’s gone!” I screamed at them and fell to my knees in the sodden waste. They continued to stare back with that same look of fragile trust that I would somehow relieve them of their fear and bring them home. I couldn’t look at them anymore and dropped down into the muck. My despair was no longer just a voice; it was this monstrous world the evil had created, and it surrounded and overwhelmed me.
I don’t know how long I remained curled up in the mud. I felt myself being lifted and half carried, half dragged back into my shed. It was Dr. Parmak. He cleaned and changed me as best he could. He prepared a cup of Tarkalean tea, which made me think of you, Doctor. How ironic, another doctor pulls old Elim out of the muck of his despair, but this time he’s a Cardassian.
The fact that in the episode itself, Garak (in a haze of endorphins and practiced dissociation) is barely like ‘yes yes I’m sure we’re ALL very upset about the orphans. Or whatever. Well what do you want me to do about it Doctor it’s just the way of the world’ and then it just haunts him horrifically for the rest of his life forever and ever the end! Very on brand.
Garak does seem to genuinely like and care for children in general, which makes my heart all weird and sad
Also Parmak making Tarkalean tea and Garak being like ‘oh. Like Julian :’(‘ about it my HEART. The fact that he’s a serial befriender of very patient kindhearted doctors willing to put up with his nonsense is probably the only reason he’s still alive lol. Thank u Parmak
- A difficult move under pressure against strong physical resistance from an opponent … and something would snap. A painful blow might set it off, a whispered insult, perhaps just a thought or a feeling of hopelessness, and I would suddenly lose control and lash out like a madman. I became suffused with a raging, crimson anger that poured out from some black hole somewhere deep inside me.
I feel like we see the outlines of this still in him by the time of the show — more tucked away and harnessed, but definitely still there. He’s got an instinctive Fight response a mile wide, it’s just that these days he mostly expresses it by becoming incredibly fucking MEAN when he feels threatened rather than outright physical attack.
- And there was a soothing quality as it spoke of dry legal definitions. It acted as a balm for my bruises and bitterness. I began to feel such longings. It was like hearing music that you love when you least expect it. How I missed Mother, and working with Father in the flower beds. How I longed for home. I dropped my guard and surrendered to the voice. The tears I was determined never to shed accompanied choking waves of shame and relief, sadness and joy. I finally was able to admit to myself how unhappy I was.
*me with my magnifying glass studying the Palandine/Bashir parallels* listening to Bashir talk about Federation nonsense things presumably fills much the same niche in Garak’s psyche as this haha
- “I assure you, I am not in the habit of attacking people I don’t know in public places. We got our feet tangled in the crush, and he went down—just as, moments before, I nearly wiped out the scent display when he ignored the fact that I was standing in his path. I trust he’s not hurt.”
“I expect more from you, Garak,” Odo lectured. “We’re all under a great deal of strain.”
“As am I, Constable. Please, sit down at least. I feel like a schoolboy being disciplined by the docent.”
Odo sighed and awkwardly perched on the barstool next to mine.
Their dynamic is. Everything to me. Also we learn later that the guy Garak picks a fight with here because he’s upset Julian is hanging out with Miles (lmao oh… buddy) isn’t just anyone or on impulse, but is one of the most hostile-to-Garaks Bajorans on the entire station with a small gang behind him, and Garak knows exactly who he is. Which lends it a certain… something. Almost an edge of very roundabout self-harm.
“I can’t stay long. I have to finish dealing with this …”
“ … situation,” I finished. “You’re very fortunate, Odo.”
“How so?” he asked.
“These people have come to trust you. They rely upon you. You’ve made a real connection here.”
Odo merely grunted. I was careful not to mention Major Kira, knowing how reserved he was on the subject.
“Do you still want to go home?” I asked.
The question startled Odo, and for a moment the mask of official reserve dropped from his face. This was the first time I had brought up the subject since his admission to me during the “interrogation” in the Romulan warbird and Tain’s ill-fated attempt to destroy the Founders’ homeworld.
“ I … can’t say,” he replied ambiguously.
“Well, I can. There’s certainly nothing here to keep me.”
“I never told you how sorry I was about Ziyal’s death.” Odo could be quite sensitive in such matters.
“You did, actually,” I nodded. “But thank you.”
“Still, you and Dr. Bashir have created a strong bond.”
“Not really,” I answered quickly. “I’m afraid that what I have to offer has run its course. It’s certainly no match for darts.” I heard the bitterness of my tone, and so did Odo. We sat in silence for a moment.
“I understand you’ll be involved in the invasion. You must be pleased.” Odo steered us away from the heaviness that had descended.
. . .
“When do you want to schedule your consultation?” I asked. Odo—no doubt influenced by his budding relationship with the Major—was about to branch out sartorially. But it occurred to me that Quark was the last person he wanted to know about it.
“We’ll talk,” he replied, nodding to Quark as he briskly marched back to the Promenade.
AHdorable all around. Hilarious that Odo picked up on trouble in human/lizard paradise and, with the vigor of a person who has freshly had love work out for them for the first time, going ‘not on my fucking watch you’ll talk to each other if it’s the last thing I do’. Also the sheer readiness with which he expects Julian to be Garak’s safe place. What on earth does this relationship look like to outside observers. Especially to Odo, practiced observer of humanoid folly, who completely nails Garak’s whole deal in Improbable Cause to the point that Garak lashes out defensively over it.
- My solitary confinement was agony. The only way I got through it was to rethink all my attitudes about the Pit and the Wilderness and to focus on how I could make my stratagems more effective. Just as I had learned to do when Uncle Enabran locked me in that suffocating closet. Was this the universal torture for failure, I wondered?
Going through the whole book it is so stunningly awful that this IS the logic his inner world is shaped around for the vast majority of his life, right up until the ‘present’ part of the storyline where it’s being slowly deconstructed and reassembled.
- I apologized to the others for disrupting their family; I explained that I had great need of this creature. Not only was Mila (as I eventually called him) the answer to my current problem, he was as important as any of the docents at Bamarren, with the possible exception of Calyx.
;_______________________________________________________________; there’s no part of this that isn’t crushing
Unlike the last time, I had preparation and an ally.
Tain really had to work at deadening Garak’s ability to form loyalty to anything else but him, because left to his own devices and natural instinct Garak will clearly packbond with ANYTHING. He’s so desperate to belong to someone and be loyal to them.
- As the sun came up, the otherworldly beauty of the Wilderness was gradually revealed by each succeeding gradation of light. I was deeply moved by the presence of so much color in what had initially looked like a dead world to me. Beginning with a cold pale gray, the dawn flowed through a range of blues and into the softest rose and pink and then to a hot red that soon gave way to the merciless bleached bone-white of midday. I was able to see how much territory I had covered the previous night.
Can I just say how unspeakably tender it is that he takes the time to write this out in this. It serves literally no purpose in this narrative but sentiment — to be beautiful. He saw something beautiful once that moved him and he wants to share it with someone. What the fuck.
- I became increasingly concerned; the sun was getting higher, and the overhanging ledge was now my last source of shade. At one point I took Mila out of his wrapping to check on his condition. At least that’s what I told myself. I was afraid that if I was honest and admitted that the real reason was to solicit help from a regnar, the slide into total insanity would be swift and sure. I was getting desperate.
The funniest and saddest thing I’ve ever read fhdskjfas emotional support regnar that he names after his fucking MUM hours. There are things going on with Garak no psychologist could ever hope to get to the bottom of
- Three more members of the Furtan group were on the other side of the rock formation, but Mila had found a hidden depression that required some quiet digging to get into, and we avoided detection. We settled in and resealed the opening with sand and loose rocks. After an indeterminate period, the Furtan hunters left. As we waited for nightfall I fell into a deep sleep.
BB!Elim and regnar Mila like ‘OUR secret hiding spot’. (Seeing how much garak both craves and thrives on getting to have that sense of ‘we’ and fellowship tho. And knowing that’s going to be not only deliberately kept from him but made psychologically impossible for him for a very long time. We should bring Tain back to life so we can kill him again and more painfully actually. Mercymorn acid jail for a thousand years time.)
- While I understood that I would have to watch my step with One Charaban, I also acknowledged that I had never been in a manlier or more attractive presence. It was like encountering an ideal that I’d only dreamed about. As I walked back to my section and accepted the congratulations of my mates, I was baffled not so much by the appearance of this new and commanding person in my life as by my recognition of his strong connection to me. But what connection?
Baby pansexual disaster at his finest
- The other day, the Doctor, Odo, and I were at the Replimat having lunch, an event that Odo, after our conversation, had taken it upon himself to organize.
. . .
“But what about you, Doctor?” I asked, returning to the business at hand. “It seems there’s a movement afoot to have you replace Captain Sisko.” The doctor winced.
“Is this true?” Odo asked. We both looked to the doctor for confirmation. He sighed.
“There’s a group of … genetically enhanced people who feel that one of their own should be guiding the station during this emergency, and they’ve petitioned the Federation Council, but it’s Jack and his group, and no one takes them…” Exasperated, he broke off. “Garak, how did you hear about this?”
“My clientele talk and I listen.” This was also true: an idiot savant who wears his presumed genetic superiority like a badge of privilege walked into my shop and never stopped talking. Of course I encouraged him, and by the time he left I had heard all about some organized attempt to elevate Dr. Bashir to the leadership position. I could see that the doctor was upset that I’d divulged this information. Clearly this genetic business was not his favorite topic of conversation.
“Is this something we should keep an eye on?” Odo asked, studying us carefully.
“No, not at all,” the Doctor assured him. “It’s just Jack’s people. This was nearly a year ago, and I’m afraid they have too much time on their hands—like some other people I know.” He pointedly looked away from me as Odo continued to study us, trying to decode the undercurrent of this last exchange between us. No wonder he was such a capable security operative. Odo registered every change in tone and temperature and tracked the change down to its cause.
“Tell me something, Garak.” It was clear that he had found an opening for one of those deferred questions he kept on a prioritized list somewhere in his changeling head. He was still a basically shy and tactful person, especially when it came to other people’s business, but lately he’d become more openly inquisitive. I wondered if it was Major Kira’s influence.
Matchmaker/self-appointed and woefully under-equipped marriage counselor Odo……….you are Everything to me you dumb beige bitch. Garak goes a bit aggro in return when he tries to get too close to something tender but honestly odo buddy gooey friend of my heart maybe you shouldn’t barge into this particular glassware shop like a rampaging elephant huh someone’s going to get cut. Also Garak could have refrained from pressing on Julian’s bruises for attention here and we may not have had the rest of the scene, but alas.
This must be the lunch where we deal with uncomfortable subjects.
“But if Cardassia is liberated from Dominion control …” Odo went on.
“When Cardassia is liberated,” I interrupted.
“Would you return?”
“Would you return to the Great Link?” Odo reacted with sharp annoyance to the question.It wasn’t a fair one, because although we were both exiles, we were in very different circumstances. With the humanoid shape he was still learning to live with, and his deepening relationship with Major Kira, Odo was discovering a new mode of existence, a new link. He had an alternative, however difficult the choice. I didn’t.
“Yes, I know. You can’t say.” I was sorry I had asked again. It was a question he was obviously struggling with.
The feeling Garak seems to have towards Odo in this period where like… you know when you have a friend who has a lot of the same mental health issues as you do and you see them get better and start to flourish and you are genuinely so happy for them but also feel just how deep in the muck you yourself still are with no prospect of getting out. And the way Garak consistently wistfully includes Odo’s romantic relationship to Kira when he observes how he’s coming out of his shell and why he has reasons to stay.
“Would you return to the same Cardassia?” the doctor asked.
“What do you mean ‘same’?” But I knew perfectly well what he meant.
“To a Cardassia containing the political and social elements that made the current situation possible.”
“My dear Doctor, that’s also the Cardassia that made me possible.” I half-hoped my joke would end this conversation … but I knew better.
Julian baby please read the room and take this up some other time somewhere private maybe (and yet I understand how you wouldn’t think of that until later once Garak’s had a rare public freakout)
Absolutely heartbreaking in every way that garak seems so convinced he must have done something wrong or simply doesn’t have anything more of interest to offer julian and that’s why they’re drifting apart, when a just as likely reading from what’s actually on the page here is that julian feels he keeps getting it wrong and hesitates in case he makes the damage worse. Garak have you considered who this man is before you decided you must have fucked up and resigned yourself to the dark closet of self-isolation tain put in your head. I’m in shambles.
Also Julian is saying a lot of very true things about Cardassia in this scene that Garak needs to hear and that he’s clearly processing all through the rest of his time on DS9 and beyond, as angry as it makes him, and the good doctor means so well but he IS being incredibly condescending, and he keeps pushing even as Garak is signaling he’d rather not go in depth on this, especially in such an exposed public setting. (This is a conversation they SHOULD be having in private, both for emotional reasons and b/c Garak’s position on this station is a lot more vulnerable than I think Julian realizes, as the hostile comments he immediately starts getting during this convo show.) I mean I guess it’s not this man’s fault he is fundamentally British and autistic what can a bitch do fdjslkfhasj (I say this with all the love in my fellow autistic heart, please do not misunderstand me here). But it’s a very Julian well-meaning but flawed thing to do — he’s focusing on the principle and intellectual side of it, but he’s not taking into account that just maybe having to deconstruct the entirety of your worldview and belief system and then feel responsible for implementing them to create a better world afterwards could be an emotionally fraught process that requires not only reasoned political debate but personal, emotional support from a friend. He isn’t getting that Garak isn’t so much categorically resistant to the basic ideas he’s setting forth — it’s that he wants to be convinced on a practical level that it could even work, because otherwise it’s just a useless pretty picture.
(Which is a big part of their dynamic on many levels, I’ve always felt. All those times he challenges Julian’s more hopeful and idealistic world view — ultimately he doesn’t do that because he wants to break Julian’s faith down until he agrees with him, he does it because somewhere deep down Garak wants to be convinced. He wants there to be hope somewhere in the world, even if he won’t buy the quick and glorified ‘it’s easy to be a saint in paradise’ Federation version of it. And Julian’s version isn’t that, in the end; it gets tested again and again and he really, genuinely means it, even when it’s hard. Which is one of the most healing things about his presence in Garak’s life overall.)
Ironically I also think Julian believes so much in Garak and his capabilities that it simply doesn’t occur to him that Garak as a private person might just be like. Too scared and overwhelmed to even contemplate this, at least until Garak is upset enough that he can’t gracefully hide it. (“With your background and experience, Garak, I’m certain that you could serve as a liaison between a new Cardassian government and the Federation.” The Doctor paused and waited for a response. None was forthcoming. “I once suggested that you visit Earth as a member of the Cardassian government-in-exile….” oh so no biggie then Julian that sounds easy and painless and I’m surprised no one has thought to do this yet, this Obsidian Order wilted leftover sandwich of a guy is surely going to be welcomed with open arms wherever he goes among his people fhsdakjfas!)
I feel like this is one of Julian’s less sympathetic traits that he would probably feel such intense self-loathing about once he realized it’s one he shares with his father — this instinct to try to shape someone into a ‘better’ version of themselves. I think Julian’s version of this primarily comes from a much, MUCH kinder place than in his father; he has the will and ability to see the best in the world and in people, and he can’t help but want them to live up to that once he’s seen it. He fundamentally believes people can be better, can be good, when given the help and tools they need, and that’s such a beautiful part of him. BUT along with that there is also a danger of that tipping over into becoming paternalistic and controlling, of overly privileging the ideal you see over the person who is actually there right now, and trying to forcibly change the one into the other ‘for them’.
Considering Garak’s past experiences of being shaped and controlled by someone else’s idea of what he should be, I’m if anything surprised he doesn’t react worse to this, honestly! I think it speaks to the basic trust and goodness that exists between them that he doesn’t. Julian is clumsy but not malicious, and even here Garak does recognize that on some deep level.
(Probably because he’s also been touched by Julian at his best, in The Wire — where his support and acceptance is absolute and unconditional, free of the instinct to control anything.)
My voice had risen to an uncharacteristic pitch. It was still ringing in my ears as the Doctor stared at me as if he were studying a baffling microbe. I, too, was baffled. I had no idea where this outburst came from. I know that a distance has widened between us during the past year or so and I know that the holosuite program incident and the revelations of his genetic enhancement are the symptoms of this distance rather than the cause. It’s only natural—we’re very different people. I also know that he had only the best intentions in suggesting that I use the Federation model in order to influence the future of Cardassia. Misguided, yes, and somewhat patronizing and arrogant, but hardly sufficient to elicit this embarrassing and public loss of control.
I mumbled some sad excuse which the good Doctor and Odo were kind enough not to challenge and left the Replimat to return to my shop. As I passed Quark’s I caught his eye and we nodded. Why I included him in my outburst also puzzled me; I rather admire his industry and resourcefulness. I especially admire the way he consistently bends Federation rules so that they work for him.
That’s such a fair evaluation of Bashir’s intentions and personality honestly. Even this upset and feeling that distance between them, Garak still has complete trust in the Doctor’s basic good intentions and nature. (Are you really such very different people at the end of the day, though, Elim. Should the genetic enhancement arc maybe be telling you something here.)
Also such a hilarious element of the Garak-Quark relationship.’Sorry to get you caught up in the crossfire bro I’ve never thought of you as anything but an avaricious opportunist (complimentary)’
What is important is that I feel that I am necessary, that I function with all my faculties in the service of a greater cause. And while I wait for this invasion, is making Odo more attractive to Major Kira a greater cause?
It is in fact nothing but the greatest cause Garak. Getting Kira happily lovingly laid is priority one at all times.
- I had no real friends to speak of, and told myself that loneliness was the price I had to pay for success. I considered the games and behavior of my mates to be childish, and that any unnecessary interaction would only distract me from my work. The truth, of course, was that I didn’t know how to forge those kinds of bonds. I wanted to be closer to Eight, and to a lesser degree Five, who besides being one of the great Pit strategists Bamarren ever had was fair in all his dealings.
(I feel like this whole part is going to hit Julian in some kind of way lmao)
Literally just. Put me in a little box on the bottom of the ocean and leave me there forever I can’t go on. Also he’s SUCH a clever-but-socially-inept teenager in this part around the people in his group he doesn’t like fhdkjsa. Ugh they’re all so annoying and fake just leave me alone *eyeroll emoji* I didn’t want to be included in their idiotic conversation bb elim… I would die for your lightly insufferable but entertainingly snarky teenage butt in a way that actually makes me feel more kindly towards my own inner idiot 16 year old.
Also it’s no wonder he’s so out to sea when it comes to interacting with his peers — by all accounts he didn’t play much with other kids as a child and then he’s dropped straight into a social Lord of the Flies piranha tank shot through with Class Shit.
Inspired by my guide Mila, I would experiment at withdrawing my presence when I had to remain in the same room with people I didn’t like.
Honing his future customer service worker smile
Here follow some Bamarren and beyond observations I’ve elected to call ‘Sex Stuff’:
- Oh ok so garak gets some sexual Thing out of being beaten to a pulp after mouthing off through the same mechanism that made spanking known as the ‘English Vice’ across Europe when that was the go-to punishment in British boarding schools. I see. Many things are revealed to me
I looked from the pale, frozen face of Three to the others. They all looked like statues commemorating fear. And I was pleased. I realized at that moment that they were in my control, and that I would no longer have any trouble with them. Especially Three. I felt the power like a drug surging through my system.
And then, of course, the other side of the masochism/sadism scale smoothly coming in, he contains those multitudes. In Garak’s defense idk if you could go through a psychosexual development that wasn’t deeply, deeply weird in this sort of environment
“What do you want me to do?” I was trembling as if my body were chilled.
Well, I mean. You know fhkdsjha. And he’s rewarded with the first non-aggressive physical contact he’s had here, you say. (For reference he’s talking to Barkan, of the aforementioned ‘manliest presence’.) I’m sure this didn’t awaken anything in him or anything.
“Elim, why do you think we have these ridges?” She stroked the scalloped cords of cartilege and bone that ran along her neck and down her shoulders with a delicacy that stopped my breath. The energy had turned into molten liquid that was now flowing into my groin. The rest of the world was swallowed by complete darkness and I was back inside the tunnel.
“Because … we do,” I replied stupidly.
Fhdjskfhsdjkfhadskjfhas he’s so easy fdsjkfhas. And what a one-two punch of sexual confusion he got there. That one afternoon did irreparable damage to the libidinous development of this poor man and now he has to live like this.
For the second time tonight I was spellbound by another’s passion. In very different ways, Charaban and Palandine held me in their orbit, like powerful suns.
I was learning something new about myself—an emerging desire for power, but a power that had less to do with mastery over others than it did with connecting to them. The way I felt the connection to Charaban … and especially to Palandine.
And, I’m so sorry to have to break it to you like this, your biodad. I’m sorry Elim you’ve got something truly unfortunately Freudian going on here. It’s not your fault.
“I love the Blind Moon,” Charaban said softly.
“Why is it called that?” I asked, deeply relieved by the mysterious change that had come over us.
“It’s the time for lovers’ assignations,” Palandine answered. “The moon will give them enough light to meet, but not so much for them to be discovered.”
“So if you and Elim were true lovers I wouldn’t have been able to find you,” Charaban teased.
“That’s right, Barkan,” she said with a direct look. I shifted position in the ensuing silence and tried to hide my disappointment with Palandine’s reply, but at the same time, the pleasure I felt in the company of these two people kept growing.
“See?” Palandine suddenly addressed me. “You can do it.”
“What?” I was startled by her delighted burst.
“Smile. Look at that, Barkan. Wouldn’t you tell someone with that smile everything he wanted to know?” she demanded.
“The first time I met him—well, the second…” he corrected himself, “he had a smile that I wanted to wipe off his face.” He was referring to that early morning in front of the Central Gate.
“But it wasn’t that smile,” Palandine insisted.
“No,” he conceded. “Definitely not that one.” And the truth was that I could feel this smile throughout my entire body.
Noooo this is about to go so wrong…it’s all fun and games and bisexual poetry recitation under the blind moon until someone gets stabbed in the back like the Caesar (well caesar notably got stabbed from many many directions but you see what I’m trying to get at here)
- [The Klingon] looked up, and I immediately knew two things about him: he was inebriated beyond reason and he was one of their shock troopers, a callused veteran of hand-to-hand combat. I took a deep breath; as dolts go he was quite impressive. My spirits were suddenly and immeasurably lifted.
“You spoonhead!” he growled at me. I hated that word.
“And you … a great warrior who brings down dabo girls with a single blow,” He looked at me trying to decide if I had insulted or complimented him.
“P’tak!” I shouted, “I mean that you’re the biggest coward in the Klingon Empire,” He released the dabo girl, and as he moved to the narrow stairway I thought that he was also the biggest Klingon in the Empire.
I looked for my advantage. This was not an equal match, and my gigantic friend was in the full flush of a berserker blood lust. I sighed. I’m too old for this, I thought.
. . .
“Get security, Chief, and tell them to prepare the biggest cell they have … or a smaller coffin for me,” I said as I moved into the alcove and squeezed through the opening where the panel had been.
Listen I would apologize for including this here but he’s clearly getting off on this and I couldn’t do anything about it if I wanted to.
I cannot convey just how much my already intense enjoyment of canon is enriched by the knowledge that Garak is up to these kinds of hijinks constantly in the background when the camera isn’t on him. In his defense he was left unsupervised. O’Brien’s fond mildly exasperated help is just the cherry on top. ‘Well I GUESS Julian would be upset if I let you get beaten to death by a drunk Klingon so fine I’ve got your back’
(I made for the upper Promenade—and wondered if Calyx might be enjoying this spectacle from wherever he was. ;______; I like how much of an impact Calyx has on his development, considering how briefly he was actually in his life. Plus: Calyx; the Aiglamene of Bamarren? Locked Tomb/DS9 fandom overlap people, Let’s Discuss.)
“Help me,” he croaked. I was touched by the giant’s childlike surrender. I knew the feeling well.
“I will,” I replied and immediately wondered why I had agreed. I’m getting soft, I thought.
The greatest joy to me of a lot of this is, like… idk if these are all exactly the things that happened at every turn. In fact I’d say they very likely aren’t, Garak’s entire character taken into consideration. But they are certainly the things he wants someone — someone he trusts as far as he knows how, someone he earnestly wants to be closer to than anyone else, and also wants to see all of him — to know about him, to share in. This could just have easily been a story he told Julian in person over lunch to make him laugh. It’s silly and frivolous and fun, and as much at his own expense as a ludicrous person as to show off. To a true lying liar who lies connoisseur, unreliable narration tells more than it obscures etc. lol
- (About Barkan) It was the appearance of warmth that made his charm so attractive. A part of me wanted to tell him everything, to challenge the duplicity of his negative evaluation, but the clarity I found in the Lower Prefect’s office was still with me. Looking at him, I was reminded how Palandine had taught me to smile when I asked questions.
Apart from Pythas, who gets his own little twink corner, most of the people Garak is attracted to throughout this are his height or taller and slender but athletic. I’m just saying that when he spotted Julian in the Replimat for the first time he really saw a young man with the face of an angel who is exactly his type fhdjskah maybe he should have seen this coming for himself. Too high on endorphins and hubris to think this would awaken anything in him irrevocably and now he’s stuck with the consequences.
Why? I asked myself. Why?! For the life of me I could not understand why it was important to her that I respond. Why should she—so beautiful, so alive—be disappointed if I didn’t return her … what? What did she want from me? Friendship? Why me?
I was in turmoil. Her grace and manner, the way she tilted her head and half smiled when she listened, as if everything amused her … it was like a forbidden dream of the unattainable. The attraction was painful because I instinctively knew that while my life would be simpler and more controllable without her, it would also be as drab as my Bamarren uniform.
. . .
“Are you making fun of me?” It was at that moment, when I asked the question, that I realized just how afraid I was of being the object of her ridicule. She stopped laughing and for the first time she was speechless.
Losing my entire fucking MIND about how Garak is basically taking Palandine’s place when he approaches Julian at first. Odo and Garak ‘I love you so much I want to become you because it’s the only way I can imagine really being close to you’ handshake meme
Sex stuff end. For now.
I was about to leave when Odo asked about the designs for his “new” sartorial look. I could see that he was masking his concern, so I assured him that the sketches were some of my finest creations, and would be ready within the week. He grunted his thanks and I stepped out onto the Promenade. Love does make fools of us all.
I’m clawing at my face with emotion. Odo… And Garak did finish those sketches even after his moment of existential ennui over them before.
- Please for the love of god stop putting Six out in the merciless sun T_____T how many times must a poor lil nerd boy pass out before he can rest in the sand etc.
- “It’s not every evening we find Barkan Lokar strolling with a murk through the Grounds.”
“Lokar? My father buried the Legate, Turat Lokar,” I said without thinking.
“Did your father kill him?” Palandine joked. But I didn’t laugh. The Lokars were a legendary family, and the old man’s funeral was the largest I had ever seen.
Why is this so funny. Garak you are so fucking weird. ‘Oh yeah I know that guy my dad did the flower arrangements for his funeral’
- A spirited dabo game involving several Klingons and a serious-looking dabo girl I hadn’t seen before caught my attention. If Quark had been present he’d be giving her one of his congeniality lectures. I truly sympathize with the young woman; if I had to spend all day with these drunken dolts….
Literally so hilarious that’s his first thought. First impulse: ‘surrounded by idiots’ solidarity. Garak what were you doing day drinking at the devil’s sacrament/quarks at midday girl…
- Rom soon appeared with a small container of kanar. He was wearing an outfit I had made for him.
“H-here you are, Garak. I hope you enjoy it.” Ever the gracious host.
“Thank you, Rom. And please, try not to let your collar lie there like a dead targ.” I adjusted the offending fabric, and Rom sweetly tolerated my fussing.
I’m fucking crying what the HELL. Surprise wholesome dynamic that keeps going through the whole narrative. Garak just uncomplicatedly likes and appreciates Rom, with no particular ulterior motive. Plus: fussing is also how we see Mila express affection, like mother like son.
- I realized as I took a sip of my drink that I was in a dangerous mood. Drinking in the middle of the day. The Doctor would be quite disappointed with me. When I’m unable to immerse myself in work my mind becomes occupied by an invading army of thoughts intent upon conquering all equilibrium and peace. Kanar is a valuable if unreliable weapon I employ against this army. The pills the Doctor gives me are a poor substitute.
Julian, severely unimpressed: uh-huh
‘Would Julian want me to do this to myself? No. However he’s too busy playing soldiers with O’Brien to tell me so, apparently, so that can’t stop me.’ You petty lil bitch garak (affectionate)
The fact that he’s doing the The Little Julian Who Lives In My Head thing already here, where the real Julian is actually around but not engaged with him. I’m so sad. He’s managed to discover shrimp colour spectrums of loneliness and pining.
- Ever since the Romulan business and Captain Sisko’s near breakdown (outside of the Doctor, whom I told shortly after the incident, no one knows about this, but one recognizes the symptoms), I’ve been obsessed with memories of Bamarren.
The fact that he tells Julian about that. Presumably partly in a practical way to make sure Sisko doesn’t fall to pieces completely but he doesn’t seem to have any shame about it or expect Bashir to react too badly over it either. The trust…
- I must admit that I was quite taken aback. Evidently there is honor among dolts.
I’m genuinely impressed by how enjoyable it is in this book to be party to Garak’s inner voice. It’s so fun in here, among all the horrors.
- Nine approached me as I sat alone in our quarters reading the first part of Cylon Pareg’s Eternal Stranger, a saga spanning several generations of a Cardassian family during the early and middle Union.
*whisper of agonized affection* between this and his happy place being studying wormhole theory… he’s such a little nerd.
Nine swallowed again, an even more bitter taste, and marched off to a life of diminishing returns.
LMAO burn. And, as we shall see, not necessarily inaccurate.
- As I walked away I heard the custodian ask Tarnal what it was I had done to deserve this punishment.
“Nobody told me. But I know he’s got a mouth on him,” Tarnal replied.
The more things change I guess fdhsakja. Known across the school for being a) a sneaky lil bastard and b) never ever shutting the fuck up when he really really should
- “And you have to use that wonderful smile of yours more often, Elim.”
“What’s that got to do with listening?” That was the subject, and Palandine had typically made a jump in logic I couldn’t follow. She also forgot that I was a Cardassian male and smiling was not one of our strong features.
“If they feel comfortable with you, people will tell you stories about themselves that will reveal their deepest secrets.”
“But what if the stories aren’t true?” I challenged. “I could smile till my cheeks hurt, and you could tell me any kind of story you wanted—and what would I know about you except what you invented?”
“You would know, if you were truly listening, the kind of story I use to define myself,” she asserted.
“But it’s not the truth!” I maintained.
“Why not? Because it’s not what you believe? Or it doesn’t fit a definition of the truth that someone taught you? Look at people, Elim.” Palandine gestured as if the enclosure were filled with people. “Observe them. The way they walk and talk, the way they hold themselves and eat their meals. That’s what they believe about themselves. Is it the ‘truth’? Are they really that way? I don’t know. Perhaps it is a lie. But what people lie about the most are themselves, and these lies become the stories they believe and want to tell you.”
“As long as I’m smiling,” I mumbled.
. . .
“Truth, as we’ve learned to define it, is not only overrated,” she went on with a controlled passion, “it’s designed to keep people in the dark.”
This last statement stopped me.
“You mean the way we’ve been taught?” I asked.
“Of course.”
“What about our government?”
“They tell us the stories that we need to know in order to be good citizens,” she replied carefully.
“They don’t tell us the truth, is what you’re saying,” I concluded.
“There you go again. They tell us their truth, Elim, and we are here to learn how to listen.”
. . .
“Let the ones without power scowl and make fierce faces.You smile. It’s an invitation to connect with another person. And once the invitation is accepted, relax and listen … you’ll come to know as much as you’ll ever need to about that person,” she said with a smile that I greedily accepted.
“You would know, if you were truly listening, the kind of story I use to define myself,” she asserted.
“But it’s not the truth!” I maintained.
“Why not?”
SO when I was saying he’s taking Palandine’s place in this dynamic with Julian early on I was not kidding and I was not wrong hahaha. And it’s also what this entire book is, in the end. Trusting Julian to ‘truly listen’ to the story under the stories is maybe the biggest show of trust and vulnerability Garak could ever extend to anyone. Extremely The Wire-core once more.
The idea that tiny Garak was too outwardly glum and serious is. Amazing and brainbreaking. People feeling uncomfortable under his gaze b/c he’ll just like scowl distrustfully at them. Palandine I don’t know if you fixed him or made him worse but you certainly did something fundamental to him and committed him to the bit and for that I cannot thank you enough
- I no longer had Palandine to myself—but surprisingly, I didn’t mind, in fact I was pleased that Charaban was here. His stillness, like everything else about him, had grace and strength. I sneaked another look in his direction and marveled that this was the same person I had first encountered in the storeroom. He returned my look, and in the next few moments a bond grew between us that I had never thought possible.
You know if Barkan was really smart or had the capacity for extended self-control he would have just kept stringing Garak along as the third in his disastrous marriage. Garak is used to subsisting on the merest scraps of affection and consideration, you’d barely even have to feed him. (Ala Daisuke Jigen with many an evil ex, for the Lupinheads out there lol) A threesome here and there and maybe gently stroking his hair afterwards and you’d have him for life, probably. Alas or perhaps thankfully Barkan is ultimately just an asshole and not that smart.
- A Bolian client came down the steps outside the door and was about to enter the shop, but for some reason he stopped at the threshold. He looked at us, turned, and went back the way he came.
LMAO that guy was like ‘something really fraught and homosexual is going on here and that is frankly none of my business, as you were gentlemen don’t mind me.’ A real ally and a bro.
“I’m keeping you from your business.” Bashir stood up. “I won’t take up any more of your time.”
“I’m pleased you stopped by.” I was about to escort him to the door.
“No, you’re not,” he said quietly.
“Excuse me?”
“Garak, I come from a culture that has perfected the ‘stiff upper lip,’” he explained with the same faint smile.
“What does that mean?” It was a genuine question; there was a change in his attitude.
“It means that we never complain, never admit to our feelings, never ask for help. It’s just not done,” Bashir explained. “And those people who lack character’ and insist on airing their needs—especially in public—are subject to ridicule… and worse. Does this sound familiar?”
“Perhaps,” I replied softly.
“But I’m also a doctor, Garak. And I know which group of people suffers the most. I really won’t take up any more of your time.” He extended his hand, which he rarely did, and I took it. “Thank you for the tea.” He turned and went out the door.
I stood there for a long moment, deeply upset. I felt trapped within myself, knowing what I had to do to get out but unable even to begin. Yes, Doctor, it does sound familiar. But as to the question of which group suffers the most…
. . .
After Charaban’s betrayal I became as withdrawn and solitary as I had been when I first came to the Institute. I tried to spend time with Palandine, but it never quite worked out; between her regular duties and the recruitment and planning for the female Competition, she had little time for anything else. But there was something else, a distance that had crept between us that I didn’t understand. I felt ashamed, that somehow I had failed and it was my fault, but I found it difficult to discuss. This was probably the loneliest I had ever been.
1) Going NUTS over the fact that these are separated by ONE paragraph. Andy Robinson staring directly into the camera making parallels between the main love interests in this book like ‘Am I making myself clear here. Do you get it yet’. Also really interesting to make this relationship pattern a, well, pattern in Garak’s life, and not a unique element of his and Bashir’s thing (which Doylistically was basically a byproduct of cowardly 90s standards for tv writing more than anything else lol)
2) But there was something else, a distance that had crept between us that I didn’t understand. I felt ashamed, that somehow I had failed and it was my fault, but I found it difficult to discuss. This was probably the loneliest I had ever been.
The Palandine/Bashir parallel train barrels on, scoring a deep trail of heartache into my soul. Also in that case it’s so sad because he really hasn’t done anything wrong or anything to be ashamed of, Barkan and Palandine are the ones who fucked him over :’(
3) I stood there for a long moment, deeply upset. I felt trapped within myself, knowing what I had to do to get out but unable even to begin. + Tolan’s grief at seeing Garak after Bamorren: “He’s hard, Mila,” Father said. . . . “But to the point where he’s unreachable?” Father asked. “Where nothing penetrates? How can he express even his basic needs if he’s trapped inside a shell?” + Just as I had learned to do when Uncle Enabran locked me in that suffocating closet. Was this the universal torture for failure, I wondered?...........................................................................
4) More proof to my eyes that Julian’s side of this whole thing seems to be more about thinking Garak doesn’t actually want him to be there. He doesn’t think he’s welcome here or that he’ll be able to help more than he hurts with whatever’s going on for him. ‘I really won’t take up any more of your time’ AUGH
Garak buddy… every time he tries to get closer to you or extend some care, you bristle like a hedgehog even though you’re trying to do it in as polite and decent a way as possible — what is the poor guy supposed to think beyond a certain point lmao. (Though on the hopeful/beautiful side… what is this entire book but Garak actually taking the advice/suggestion Bashir gives in this scene to reexperience his past and put it in context — not in the holosuites, but in his own way by writing it all out in a way that makes sense to his Cardassian brain and then sharing that with Julian directly. Like. The last line of the book is ‘You’re always welcome, Doctor’. Elim ‘I will become emotionally healthy enough to ask Julian to come visit with an open heart if it fucking kills me’ Garak)
I’m so soft for how careful they both are with each other in this scene, though. Even in this difficult place where there’s stuff they don’t understand about each other and they are having difficulty connecting for… several reasons, they are trying so so hard to be good to each other. Which is why I think they have every chance of working out brilliantly long-term; once you’ve got a mutual respect, willingness to keep working to understand and communicate with each other even when it’s difficult, and that fundamental ‘I don’t want to hurt you’ good faith in a relationship you’re a good chunk of the way there, from what I have observed.
Julian cares that Garak was upset, much more than he cares about being right, and this time he shows it in a more private setting where Garak can take it in. They’re trying!
5) The implication in But as to the question of which group suffers the most… that Garak also realizes how much he’s hurting Julian by not being able to let him in…
Most of all the fact that Bashir in this scene is like ‘Listen Garak I get emotional repression. I’m literally British.’ is one of the funniest things that happen in the whole book. To me. (I’m Norwegian, culturally this has. Some overlap with my experience, let’s say lol)
- Six had long since gone home. He wanted to succeed so badly, but his body couldn’t withstand the constant assault of the training. I’m sure he found an academic situation.
Oh thank GOD. Genuinely so relieved to hear this. This is how many times a nerd boy must pass out before he rests in the sand and gets to go to normal university instead of murderschool, the question is finally answered.
- Tain has shown up again and I want to throw rocks at him until he goes away. And I know he won’t.
- My shed has become somewhat more bearable, but the clutter and confinement of the interior space requires that I leave the door open. To keep myself busy when I’m not working with the med unit, Doctor, I am engaged in a project I must tell you about. It baffles me. Perhaps you can tell me if I’m losing my mind altogether.
. . .
[Parmak] turned to me with the strangest expression on his face—and looked me directly in the eyes for the first time.
AUGH. (Plus, the fact that Parmak consistently calls him ‘Elim’.)
But what baffles me, Doctor, is that I attach no meaning to what I’m doing here. I’m just doing it because I need to. And to be truthful, I don’t see this as a memorial at all. On the contrary—if I could, I’d singlehandedly rebuild this city myself, piece by piece. I stood here watching Parmak’s blood dry on this pile of rubble, engulfed by a feeling of loss and utter mystification as to what these piles mean.
Just assure me that I’m not going mad, Doctor.
This whole section is the biggest mood and I’ve rarely felt closer to a fictional character haha. His quietly dissociated tired bemusement both with himself and what he’s doing and Parmak’s reaction is… yeah that’s exactly what that feels like. And ‘Just assure me that I’m not going mad, Doctor’ has done irreparable damage to my psyche, I’m going to be thinking about this forever
- Palandine gestured that she would deal with me and sent the mate on her way.
“So what did you use me for?” I asked.
“What do we ever use each other for?” she replied without hesitation.
“Answering a question with a question is an old trick, Palandine.”
“No trick. I needed a friend.”
“And you don’t need a friend now” I hated the tone that was creeping into my voice.
“It’s complicated, Elim.”
I was afraid to ask why.
“What did you use me for?” she asked.
The question truly baffled me. I only wanted her love. Was that using her? I would gladly have given mine in return.
Still gnawing on concrete over Garak partially reenacting Palandine’s way of approaching him with Bashir in the beginning. At that point he also needed a friend (and he needed someone to run to Sisko like ‘THE SPY TALKED TO ME :D’ to deliver intel through so he was also using him lol.) The way Garak picks up traits from the people he loves like he’s doing the soul version of Odo’s shapeshifting-as-closeness thing because it’s the only way he knows.
- “So it’s Eight,” he said, dismissing me from his world.
“I don’t think you understand, Barkan….” Palandine began to say.
“It’s not necessary that he understand,” I dismissed him from my world.
Barkan… you did not understand what you were doing, getting into an emotionally and sexually charged petty-off with this man. RIP your stupid ass I guess lmao
“I wanted to tell you. But when I realized … I didn’t want to hurt you,” she said with a gentleness that rankled me.
“I’m not hurt. Neither one of you can hurt me. I wish you a successful… partnership.”
Palandine is so interesting!!!! And like here’s one of the things that I think make a big difference in Garak’s relationship with Palandine vs. his relationship with Julian — who tells him exactly the same thing in ‘The Wire’, after all! (I don’t want to hurt you) Because Palandine doesn’t really mean it, does she? She doesn’t mean ‘I don’t want you to be hurting, I want to protect you from being harmed’, she means ‘I didn’t want to be the thing that hurt you; I didn’t want to be faced with your hurt’, while she is doing things that will inevitably hurt him. I think there is genuine affection and care on her side, but they’re in such a fucked up, brutal world and they’re so young.
‘I’m not hurt. Who’s hurt’ says teen crying quiet tears of blood as his world falls to pieces
“I love him, Elim. And I’m also ambitious. I want what he wants. You’ll understand this when you find someone to share your….”
Not me wondering how much of this has echoes to Mila’s relationship to Tain and how that’s part of what Garak reacts to — that survival mechanism of ‘I want what he wants’, subsuming and submitting yourself completely. Which of course is what a Cardassian is supposed to do to the state, and that Garak also does with Tain for the vast majority of both of their lives. The worst part is that Palandine really had some reason to hope for more — she and Barkan start out in a more equal position than it’s implied Mila and Tain ever did, that’s always framed as an inter-class thing, and while Palandine’s family situation is not as grand as Barkan’s it doesn’t seem like it crosses the service class/ruling class barrier. But the structure of the state imposed on every level of society right down to the most intimate and personal areas of life is going to crush the life out of that hope real fast. I’m sorry girl. Wanting to have a fighting chance in this world isn’t the worst sin anyone’s committed and tbf you are like a teen by all accounts
- “My name is Elim Garak. I don’t know where I’m being sent, but I hope you’ll remember me as your friend.”
“When I was told today that I was One Lubak, I was honored… and afraid that I’d lose you as a friend. Thank you. My name is Pythas Lok.”
Neither one of us ever took our eyes off Mila, who was still trying to blend into his surroundings.
Crying gently into my cereal
Garak ‘I wasn’t sure I could ever call him a friend’ vs. Pythas ‘Afraid that I’d lose you as a friend’
Something powerful was stirring deep inside me, and I began to shake. Mila snapped his head to the side, the way he does when he senses light or heat change. Convulsive waves pushed up from my center and tears filled my eyes, blinding me. I had absolutely no control over what was happening to me. By the time the convulsions subsided and my eyes cleared, Mila had disappeared into the rock-and-sand home he came from.
Absolutely sobbing my eyes out into my cereal
Spoiler warning: Garak having to go somewhere to be alone after something calamitous happens in his life because that’s the only way he can cry is a theme that will reemerge later and do unspeakable emotional damage to me personally haha
As I hiked back to the Institute, I had the thought that maybe somebody was doing the same thing for me and bringing me back home.
No baby you see someone is doing the exact opposite of this to you right now because you have a basic goodness and capacity for real honest love that Tain doesn’t and he’ll never in a million years set you free just because he loves you and it’s the right thing for you
- And Jadzia is gone. The station is a sadder and grayer place without her. I’m surprised at how keenly I feel her absence. Even though I know that her symbiont has been “joined” with another person … well, it’s not the same, is it? Indeed, knowing that Jadzia’s personality is somehow contained along with several others within this other person, I wonder how I would react if we were ever to meet.
:(
The doctor has reminded me that these are personal choices, and it’s not for us to judge how one chooses to mourn. Quite so. Who can even begin to understand another’s grief? “Do you judge people by the clothes they ask you to make?” the doctor asked once. I bit back my response, but the point was well taken.
:’) little soul-healing brush of Julian kindness time
- “What does Tir Remara want with you?” Colonel Kira demanded, ignoring my offer of tea. Immediately an entire picture formed in my head of the scenario her abrupt question suggested: Tir Remara—a spy, perhaps even a changeling, preying upon a lonely Cardassian who was working for the Federation and engaged in top-secret work.
“She wants to have my children,” I replied with a serious look.
“You can’t be serious,” she managed.
“I’m not. Now do you want this tea or not?”
Kira should just have strangled you all those times she wanted to you snarky asshole fhdskja
#a stitch in time#asit#garashir#star trek#star trek ds9#ds9#elim garak#The great ASIT first read adventure#<- making that the tag for the rest of the posts!#ds9 meta#well nominally I do SOME analysis between all the keysmashing and nonsense haha#forgive me if I've gotten something wrong in this I've been uh. overexcited! I'm sure I'll be able to think clearly again soon (lying)#julian bashir#I'm not going to tag every char I talk about in this because I do love myself a bit but the good doctor hangs over everything in this book#so he gets his own tag#maybe I'll come back and get them all for book keeping purposes eventually but nOT tonight
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howdy x male reader for number 1 fluff
Hi dearie! Love the request so here comes a fluffy fic for you!
My love…
Pairing: Howdy Pillar x Short!Male reader
Short fic btw!
Promp list of which the request came from!
Illustrated Au, picture done by @eechytooru
M/n has always being short, barely taller than Wally but compared to Howdy and Barnaby he was a speck of dust and yet Howdy loved him with all his heart. He found M/n being short more adorable than anything but that didn’t mean it didn’t make it over protective at times.
M/n was on a stool trying to reach the filling cabinet since he needed to send some letters through Eddie but Howdy accidentally placed them on the top where only he could reach. Maybe he did in purpose but M/n wasn’t going to question that yet and Howdy entered just when was about to loose balance and then he fell to end up being catches by Howdy arms.
“Hello handsome,” said M/n shyly while looking at Howdy who laughed softly at him before putting him down and grabbing the letter and handing it to M/n.
“Your lucky that I'II always protect you because if I didn’t you would be dead by now,” said Howdy teasingly which made M/n pout before lunging at Howdy with a hug and giving him multiple kisses as a revenge.
“This is what you get for putting the letter so high up!”
Hope you liked it @fernstarsblog!
Additional tag: @waywardstardustcollector
#welcome home#howdy pillar x reader#howdy pillar x male reader#Tiredly Jackie writes#Tiredly Jackie answers
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Bug questions??? In this economy???
1 - Your bug has died. So sorry about that. What do they want on their gravestone?
2 - Your bug is real and coming to kill you! Will you survive? (I know for most of y'all it's a no-)
3 - What is one thing they need to learn? (e.g. some kind of moral lesson)
4 - Scenario???? And its angst?? (@not-5-rats I'm coming for your brand)
Something was up with Duarte. Your Bug knew that. Just what exactly they didn't know.
It was quite late in the evening and all the bugs were downstairs, either arguing over how to cook dinner, Bodie had left for the night to go and grab some of the salt he needed for the salve, or they were going about their various hobbies. Duarte was doing none of these. She'd barely touched her latest project.
She kept looking towards the front door. She was picking at the hem of her poncho, even as her hands were shaking. Occasionally she'd disappear up to her room only to re-emerge a few minutes later. She was clearly waiting for something. Someone.
There's a knock on the door and Duarte is over there in a second. Over her shoulder, Bug sees a woman. Her hair is long and a dark auburn. Her eyes are tired, bitter. A scar runs across her neck, stretching from her collarbone to just underneath her chin.
Duarte smiles weakly. "Nat. I'm-"
The woman interrupts. "Don't call me that."
Duarte's face falls, but she continues anyway. "Oh. Alright. Natalie. I'm glad you got my letter, can we talk?"
There's a pause, and then Natalie speaks again. Her voice has an edge to it, rough and jagged like an overused dagger. "No. We can't talk. I just have a few things I need to say to you, then I'm out of here."
She doesn't give a chance to respond. Any tiredness in her eyes is gone, replaced with something else. "I can't believe you have the nerve to come back here- after all the shit you pulled. You don't get to stroll back into my life, feeling all sorry for yourself. Not after I've moved on. So I'm going to keep this short."
She digs a finger into Duarte's chest, an accusation, a threat, whatever. "Here's your fucking answer: I don't forgive you, I will never forgive you, so stay the hell out of my life."
With that she turns away, taking one unhesitating step away. Duarte grabs her wrist. Natalie doesn't turn around. Her voice is ice.
"Don't fucking touch me."
"Please just-"
Natalie turns around and slaps Duarte across the face. The sound echoes through the room and Duarte's hand goes slack. Natalie leaves.
For a moment Duarte stands there, frozen. She blinks and seems to come back to herself, even if her eyes are slightly glassy. She turns to the bugs.
"I- I need to go."
She races up the stairs. Bug hears a door slam shut.
Do they follow her?
5 - Assign a Villain song to your bug. Duarte calls dibs on Ruthlessness from Epic btw
tags:
@rozeliyawashereyall @willowve01 @asmrbrainrot @kaiamtt @iistxrmyskyii @insignificant-anarchy @stxph-artist @aspenm00n @keyaartz @fangsshadow @rustycopper4use @piffany666 @dreamyshape @idontevenknow7878 @lunaritychuwolf @littlesiren79 @castbracelet240 @strayharmony943 @proxdragon @tiefling-chaos @threeweekinsomnia
@recated @wilderrorcard @diamondzoey @fennaboysenberry @lunnats
@lightdragon789 @pinkcocopuff-aqualoid @itsargyle @not-5-rats @astralbulldragon13
@ccstiles @puffin-smoke @fruity0salad @takashishihoin @megapugman
@reefhastoomanyaccs @kaydenskiwi @greaysharkboi
#I'll post a thing about Natalie tmrw :DD#y'all get to see how much of a shithead Duarte was#gator boys#the bug army#bug army#obsidian lantern
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Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes: My Love Letter Part 1
Okay okay okay SO Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes longpost time just my whole opinion/analysis/love letter for the whole film beginning with my Wes Ball backstory so skip to the Ruin screencap if you want to skim past all that.
I haven't talked about it on tumblr yet but I'm actually like a huge fat fan of the Maze Runner cinematic series directed by Wes Ball. Really I'm just a fan of Wes Ball. It not only singlehandedly got me through my first year of high school but also became the reason I ended up entering the film industry. I've watched all 3 movies at least 4-5 times each. Probably like 20-30 for Scorch Trials at this point because it's my favorite. I can quote probably at least half of it from memory. I've watched all of the BTS content that was on the DVDs + the bloopers on youtube like i was obsessed ok.
2019 was like the second worst year of my life so imagine my distress in january 2019 when I found out about Wes Ball's next movie, Mouse Guard, got Super Hyped Up for the multimillion dollar mice-with-swords movie (I eventually read some of the comics btw it's insanely good) And then within the same week found out Disney pulled the plug on the project after acquiring 20th Century Fox. TWO weeks before production was scheduled to begin. I was livid. I'm still bitter about it. Wes Ball then released the demo reel for the film to the public which iirc also had temp music.
So anyway yeah that was awful but then! I think it was later in 2020 that it was announced that Wes Ball was going to be directing the 4th POTA movie. This kicked off me seeing the original 1968 film and then the trilogy and wow did doing so increase my excitement. In my opinion Rupert Wyatt/Matt Reeves' directing styles and Wes Ball's were/are very compatible. I also took the time to get caught up on as much of Wes Ball's old projects as I could get my hands on at the time, including his animated short Ruin (screencap below). Which is fantastic BTW and apparently was purchased by Fox for a feature film that was never made (???) I swear, filmmakers have their past works splattered all over the internet like body parts after a landmine explosion: Good luck finding everything.
Now, Finally Finally FINALLY!!!!!!!! Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes is out. I meant to see it on the premier night but my boyfriend broke up with me 2 days before so I forgot. I saw it tonight instead! So now with the backstory out of the way I can finally talk about the actual movie.
First of all, the beginning of the film absolutely WOWed me!!!! It honestly feels like a callback to Ruin, the way that the buildings are overgrown and the post-apocalyptic setting is super evident and feels so delightfully reclaimed by nature. It's also really neat to see how far VFX has come since Ruin was released if you compare the opening shots of the movie with the wide shots in Ruin. Wes Ball himself is also a VFX artist, so it's really neat to see how that affects his work especially since Planet of the Apes is by nature a very vfx-heavy franchise. This movie absoutely popped off in that area but we'll get to that.
Secondly, I forgot how much I missed Ball's directing! Oh my goodness, the performances he gets out of the actors are always so authentic. I still have yet to see a performance by Dylan O'Brien that was as raw and believable as in the Maze Runner movies, and I'm like halfway through Teen Wolf already. In the action scenes especially, I love how characters in Ball's movies, you can really feel their pain. Since pain and physical discomfort aren't communicated directly through film, we often forget just how hard it is to get back up again after getting kicked down, but with Wes Ball you never forget. Ugh, when Noa was getting beat up on top of the bunker at the end of the movie, I caught myself catching my own breath when he coughed up blood. Like, yeowch!
Additionally, everything this man makes is just, like, a masterpiece? On a technical level at least. That's really the mark of a good director, whose job is not only to evoke a performance from the actors, but also to tie together the whole crew. And KOTPOTA really showed off how well the team worked together. Just the establishing shots alone in a lot of these scenes! Oh. My. Word. You can clearly see the fruits of labor of not only the concept artists, but also the VFX artists and production designers, and how they worked with the DP and actors to get the shot. Here are some examples of what I'm talking about:
There are more that I'm thinking of, but unfortunately without a digital release available yet there's a limit to the screencaps that I'm able to obtain. The shot where Noa is walking up the escalator following Raka and you see the plane in the background indicating that Raka lives in an airport is one of them. There's also one or two establishing shots in nature that just show off the setting. The opening shots, of course. And then the shot where it pans up and you see Eagle Village for the first time. There's also an aerial of Proximus Caesar's camp, but I'm unable to find that one as well. The main one I want to look at is the telescope.
Just, like, Hello???? It looks like an art piece. This screencap is a little closer in than I'd like, but in the full frame you can see the absolute mastery of composition that it is, you can totally imagine it as a painting. Which in my experiences usually means there's a painting behind it somewhere in the process, lol. Let's go concept artists!!! But then you see how the colors are just, perfectly balanced, the plant growth is realistic and accentuating the set, and so on and so forth. It was just absolutely breathtaking to see for the first time. I'm pretty sure I audibly gasped. I did a lot of stimming during this movie just to stay quiet and not start babbling about the film pipeline to my father in theater auditorium.
Even more magic happens when Noa steps onto the set, and starts messing with the telescope. Suddenly it's real, it's tangible, it's touchable. Transforming what was likely a matte painting at one point into a set that the actors can interact with, and then into a shot where almost everything is overlaid with VFX, and having it look so real like that is truly magic.
The ship also had me dumbstruck, but slightly less so because we saw a similar setting in The Maze Runner: The Death Cure in 2018. Although it was slightly different for sure. What had me going even more in this movie was how much the characters interacted with the ship, moving in and around it, and trading glances with one another from on the ground and up inside. In TMR:DTC, you really only see the decrepit ships in the background, and one is referenced as a plot point but the characters never actually physically interact with any of them. So it's much easier for our brains to categorize the ships as gimmicks to help us believe the scene.
It's when props like these are woven into the scene as tangible objects that our brains start to shut up about the CGI and really start to believe what's happening onscreen! and KOTPOTA did an amazing job at this. Please bear in mind like, I literally have zero specialization in VFX, it's not my field and although I draw, I've never done concept art for film. I honestly believe that I'm simply in an appropriate level of awe for what this film accomplished.
The other thing that amazed me was how stylized the setting was. The greenery was so green, the ocean felt like a painting, the ship was red, the telescope shot is very, very blue. Several of the shapes used in the ape's costume design are simplified. And yet, despite the stylization, it never feels cartoony or polygonal, it still feels completely grounded in reality, and I could really believe I'd see it in real life. I think this owes partly to the fact that we rarely inspect any of these simplified items at a close distance, aside from Raka's necklace which appears to be made of either bone or whittled wood. It also owes to absolute geniuses in color grading that kept the stylized colors realistic enough for our brains to believe. Overall I'd take the visual style of the film to be Impressionist. I love impressionism.
My main interest in filmmaking is writing/directing. However, most of my experience lies in costume design (Student films rarely need costume "design" so its usually coordination) and production design. As a result I spent a good deal of my time watching KOTPOTA zeroed in on the production design.
I love post-apocalyptic science-fiction/fantasy worlds like this partly precisely because of how much you can learn from the production design alone. When Mae enters Trevathan's room for the first time I swear I was eating it up. Every single prop in this movie was carefully thought out by the PD, which is why his room absolutely stood out from the rest of the setting that we had seen up to that point. It was distinctly "human-centric" as opposed to the rest of the movie. I remember seeing it in the theater earlier today, laying eyes first on the bed by the door, thinking that it must be something they set up for Mae, but then wondering why or how the apes would know or want to set up a human-style bed for Mae when we're so many generations removed from human-dominated society.
Next it was on many miscellaneous table objects, thinking to myself "That looks like how a human would treat a space. Apes are generally too big to decorate at that scale." and then my eyes roved on to the furniture, seeing a human-sized table, human-sized chair, human-sized junk everywhere! Slowly, by observing the room, I gained a stronger and stronger sense of "there is another human here," which upon observing the rows and rows of books became "a smart human like Mae, who unlike her can read" (Remember at this point we still believed that Mae and her mother were the only smart humans that Mae had known growing up, and that she had been pursuing the opportunity to meet other smart humans and join them).
It was only upon the instant of realizing that this was a smart human that Trevathan spoke and appeared on the stairs. It was absolutely perfect timing. THIS, guys, is exceptional production design. It was honestly my absolute favorite piece of production design in the entire film, especially because of how much it contrasted what we've become used to seeing in the series as humans have diminished in population and apes and nature have taken over the space instead.
That exact sense of change or "otherness", that noticeability of contrast upon seeing what is honestly a pretty "normal" human space if you look at it in the context of our existing society, is only present because of how well PD treats the rest of the movie. In order to make a completely normal space feel strange, you have to change literally every other space to something alien but consistent with itself. And KOTPOTA does just that. The job was begun in the original trilogy, with the decline of humanity depicted across decades, nature taking over the gas station and the dam and even the city. But this movie had the biggest challenge because of simply how many years had passed before the story even began. Society as we know it today is completely and totally obliviated in KOTPOTA's setting. In every set that the characters interacted with in any way, PD had to fabricate a space where humans had been but the virus, decades of decay and post-apocalyptic living, and ape encroachment had transformed it.
This also brings me into the subject of the rich culture we see emerging in the world of the apes through this movie. The original trilogy, especially the first and second film, was all about the ape's identity. In the first film Caesar wonders whether he is human or ape, and whether apes are pets or equals to humans. He eventually comes to the realization that humans are never going to look out for apes the way that apes will and decides to become that person. In the second film, Caesar and the other characters involved have to figure out what being an ape means. Does it mean strength is power? That humans are always an enemy to defeated? Or a similar species to live alongside? It's about establishing what the ape race's relationship is to the human race. The third film I didn't get to rewatch before seeing KOTPOTA, but iirc it was about whether humans and apes could ever coexist, which is a theme we see continued in this movie, albeit in a slightly different way. Either that or more likely it was about whether apes will repeat the same mistakes as humans.
Anyway, I digress. In the script we already see a rich culture emerging in hints, right from the start of the movie. It's in the hunt for the eagle eggs at the beginning with mentions of some kind of coming-of-age ceremony, followed by Noa reminding Anaya and Soona that they must "leave one egg always. It is the law." Already in the first five minutes we've established that this particular ape civilization not only has cultural traditions surrounding youth and coming-of-age, but also rituals and laws surrounding their relationship with and the conservation of nature. And through dialogue we extrapolate that these apes have bonded animals (eagles). It honestly felt like a crossover between Native American Indian hunting practices and How To Train Your Dragon, which is wild I know. (Also can we talk about how the eagles in this movie actually made eagle sounds???? And not falcon sounds! Finally we're breaking the bad habit of making up animal noises to sound cooler when the original already sounded super cool by itself.)
So in just a few minutes guys!! We already have so much. Then the trio heads back to the village and has their first encounter with the Echoes (Ekos? If anyone could get spelling on that for me that would be fantastic) but are too afraid (or law-bound) to get too close to or cross through the tunnel "into the valley below". So through these we establish that there is a taboo around not just humans but also around leaving the village. The clan has taken an isolationist approach wherein they not only forbid their young clan members from leaving but also withhold information about the outsiders from them until they've come of age. Guys the cultural system arising here is absolutely wild. Like sorry not sorry but I eat this stuff up. (Screenwriters-- this is prime example material of "show don't tell")
There's also all of the ape social communication rules that we've already gotten used to, mainly a variation of the palm-up/palm-down gesture as a means of showing respect (submission) and asking for permission/approval.
In this movie however the hands are mostly closed and the palms are down for the sub as well as the ape they're seeking approval from, as opposed to the trilogy in which the submitting ape always had their palm up. At first I chalked this up to cultural differences among clans since we learned that this clan is not the clan descended from Caesar's apes in the trilogy, but then Caesar's descendants were doing it this way too? So I don't really know what to make of it but I'm going to decide that it's just global cultural evolution (at least, as global as the real-world evolution of Old English into modern English).
Through the production design of the beginning sequence in Eagle Village, we see that the eagles catch fish and then the vast quantities of fish and the smokehouse indicate that fish caught by the eagles are the main source of food for the Eagle Clan. We also see feathers as a motif throughout, worn especially by the parents and the elders as a sign of social status (we know it's social status bc Sylva rips it off of one of the elders as an intimidation tactic and everyone audibly gasps, indicating it worked). That last bit is honestly more costume design, they popped off too but one thing at a time or I'm going to become incomprehensible. I will repeat myself. It is inevitable.
Then throughout the film we learn that not only do they adhere strictly to the "law", but that that law is set by the elders alone. We also learn that they primarily relate to their eagles by singing to them which!!! is just!!!! so!!! metal!!! I love it. The way it plays into the end scene with Proximus just AGHRGHJHRHGR GROWL BARK BARK FERAL NOISES>
ahem
Also we see them building nests at home for their eagles and they've figured out falconry tools for the aerie and everything on their own like??
Then in contrast we see what's left of Caesar's clan, it's descendants. Proximus Caesar, we learn later from Trevathan, has gone completely fangirl over the ancient roman empire and decided to emulate it because "he likes it" and it makes him "feel good" (yeah he's probably the most textbook tyrant I've ever seen in media), choosing to morph Caesar's teachings into his own new worldview rather than adhering to them properly.
So the culture of Caesar's clan is very heavily roman-influenced, often copying practices outright such as the insitution of slavery, a lot of the fashion choices and even the way that banners are put up around the camp and the way that Proximus dines at a low-set table filled with an overabundance of food. And he has a throne and crown, and there are roman numerals inscribed on both his and Sylva's necklaces. But we still see influences of Caesar's original society, most noticeably the persistence of the window symbol and the architecture of the dam. The architecture wouldn't be significant at all, instead being noted as a stylistic choice for the whole series, if it weren't for the fact that it's different from Eagle Clan's architecture.
If Eagle Village resembles those spaghetti bridges that engineers build for class, with thatched roofs, then the dam at Caesar Clan's camp is much more brutalist by comparison. Eagle Clan was very spindly and focused on height and lightness of building materials: many of the logs were thinner and longer, more spaced out, and sometimes rounded at the ends. By contrast, Caesar Clan's dam is built with stumpier logs, closer together, and spiked at the top. The dam is also shored up with soil and other materials. Which yeah, is typical of beaver dams but is also typical of the structures in the original Caesar's village in the trilogy.
Unfortunately, there's only one image currently available of Eagle Village and it's after it was burned down. But you can still see how it differs from Caesar's village, instead of being chaotic it's more organized, allowing for a more lightweight structure.
This (below) is the closest I could get to having a picture of the dam's architecture, but you can still tell how it's more similar to OG Caesar's architecture than it is to Eagle Clan's, even though it's using a completely different building material (scrap metal instead of hewn trees).
Eagle Clan's architecture is also a further effect of how their society revolves around making a life bond with eagles, which are flying creatures. So of course they would be inclined to taller structures, especially ones that are more lightweight and have structural patterns, imitating the way that birds are built (see above).
I'll continue in part 2 as a reblog because it's 1 am and I'm running out of steam but YALL I need you to understand: It's been 6 years since the last time I had a Wes Ball film to overanalyze and rave about. I have SO MUCH to say about this film.
#kingdom of the planet of the apes#filmmaking#concept art#fiction#film#pota reboot#planet of the apes#planet of the apes trilogy#pota trilogy#wes ball#worldbuilding#culture#science fiction#cinema#cinephile
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IF YOU HAVE NOT CALLED AND OR EMAILED YOUR SENATIRS ABOUT KOSA ITS NOT TOO LATE. IT DID PASS MARK UP VIA VOICE VOTE TODAY, HOWEVER, IT DOES NOT HIT THE FLOOR UNTIL SEPTEMBER. TWO SENATORS (ONE FROM MASS AND ANOTHER FROM VERMONT) HAVE SPOKE UP ABOUT THE BILL THANKS TO THE DOZENS OF CALLS AND EMAILS THEY HAVE GOTTEN THE PAST FEW MONTHS. YOUR VOICE MATTERS.
1. IF YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO SAY, BADINTERNETBILLS.COM GIVES YOU A SCRIPT AS WELL AS AUTOMATICALLY CONNECTS YOU TO YOUR GOVERNMENT OFFICALS AND YOU CAN ALSO SIGN THE PETITION
2. THERE IS A GOOGLE FORM YOU CAN ALSO SIGN IN OPPOSTION TO KOSA AND EVERY OTHER BAD INTERNET BILL BEING INTRODUCED.
3. HERE IS A CALL SCRIPT.
4. TIKTOKS TO LEARN ABOUT KOSA
5. STOP KOSA IN THE UK
#KOSA#KOSA UK#stop kosa#call your reps#call your senators#email your reps#email your senators#stop bad internet bills
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abc miles quaritch headcanons nsfw + short fluff story
i have a quaritch brainrot and there isnt enough content out there to FEED ME so i gotta feed myself, this has no plot btw (i left out some letters bc i didnt know what to put for them)
800 words
A-arousal (what turns him on)
quaritch can get turned on by litteraly anything, but especially when you have attitude, it turns him on knowing that hes gonna fuck the attitude out of you
A2-aftercare (how he takes care of you)
he'll run you either a bath or shower, normally bath because your legs basically go limp, then he kisses every inch of you and you both drift off to sleep
A3-Agressive (how agressive he is during sex)
very agressive and mean, but he makes up for it with aftercare, he also takes his anger out on you sometimes, during sex, never arguing tho, he doesnt like scaring you and will take his anger out on another recom if he has to, never on you
B-body part (his favorite part of your body)
quaritch is both a tit amd ass man, but hes more of a tit one, if he had the chance to he'd either fuck your tits or he'd use them as pillows
C-clothing (if he prefers clothing during sex)
sure he'd enjoy it if you wore sexy clothes during sex, but he likes it even more when youre completley nakes under him, it makes him feel like he has more power
D-degrading (if he degrades you or no)
ooh this man deffo enjoys degrading you, will whisper the nastiest and meanest shit in your ears knowing you get off to it
E-edging (does he edge you?)
damn well he does, he enjoys edging you then sropping whatever he was doing to hear your begs
F-face riding (does he enjoy it when you ride his face?)
normally when he lets you ride his face, hes fisting his cock behind you to your noises, he likes it when you ride his face mainly because he has lota of control over you
H-head (how often you give him head)
you give quaritch head alot, and you dont really complain because you love making him feel good, you usually give him head when yours too tired to have sex
J-jerk off (where he jerks off)
quaritch has no shame and will jerk off next to you, doesnt matter if youre awake or asleep, sometimes if youre awake you fist his cock to help him
K-kinks (just kinks)
quaritch has many kinks, but his favorite is degrading, he just loves dominating you, tying you up, you name it he's probably done it
P-porn (if he watches porn)
no not really since its not available on pandora, thats why he makes his own little private videos with you, he doesnt share them with anyone and keeps them to himself to use sometimes
Q-quiet (how loud you both are)
you both are no where near quiet, atleast you arent, but really no one cares, he likes it when people complain about the noise next moeming
R-rest (if he rests after it)
no, usually no unless its night or he had a rough day
S-sex drive (how horny he is)
hes always horny, trust me even when you arent soing anything intimate, if he looks your way he's immediatley horny, but when he iant hes loving and caring
T-thurst (his pace)
usually he has a very fast pace, but sometimes he goes slow in attempt to make love to you, only when hes in the mood for it though
to make up for how short this is, heres a short story ig, isk what to consider it, ita just fluff no smut
quaritch walked into your room, it was almost 1 am and you were confused as to why hes here at this time, sure you both were dating but its still weird why he'd be here
you watched him walk towards your bed and plop himself down on it laying himself next to you
"whyre you here at this time? not to be rude or anything, just a question" you said trying not to sound rude or annoyed because you really didnt mind his presence, you liked being around him
"no reason, i was just bored thought id drop in ere'" he said, sleepy voice, his sleepy voice was so goodamn hot
you saw his ears twitch, you couldnt resist how cute his ears fucking are, you crouched over to him raising your leg over his slim waist straddling him while he was asleep, he looked tired and that was confirmed when he didnt make a move to get you off him
he just moved his hand up to your thigh and soothingly rubbed his fingers across it
you laid yourself down on his chest legs still on both sides of his torso, you dropped your head next to his, he brpught his hand up to your hair playing with it slightly before you felt the movement stop
quaritch was fast asleepx he usually doesnt sleep first, seems like he had a tough day
you loved how he looked while asleep, its the most peaceful you see him, you admire his face slowly drifting to sleep after him
#avatar#avatar miles quaritch#mansk x reader#avatar mansk#colonel miles quaritch#recom mansk#atwow#avatar the way of water#recom x reader#atwow smut
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Emalee we need a fic like your recent innie one (I loved it btw 10/10) but y/n taking care of Hyunjin I’m begging it’d be so cute. Maybe when he has the stomach flu too and doesn’t wanna bother y/n cus she’s busy but she catches on and helps him?? 💓💓
omg yes this is such a cute idea 🥹! also thank you for the positive feedback, it means so much to me! if you have any more fic requests fill free to send them to me!
let me know..
sick!hyunjin x reader, implied relationship, pet names like baby, my boy, darling, lovely, MENTION OF VOMITING, CRYING, DEHYDRATION, & BULLYING/HATE
i placed my bag on the back of hyunjins chair and booted up my computer at the desk in his room. waiting for hyunjin would definitely take a while, so i decided to start a university essay iv been procrastinating on. as i sighed and started typing up a draft to base it off, hyunjin walked into the room.. 2 hours earlier than usual.
“well you’re quite early today.” i said softly as i stood up from my seat. “yeah- minho said we did good today so.. we uh, got done early, are you doing a essay?” he looked over my head at my open computer and empty doc. “i was going to start it while i waited for you but since you’re home early..it can wait another day.” he shook his head at me and looked at the bathroom, avoiding the eye contact i tried to make with him. i noticed his body tense up a little and he looked at me for about .1 of a second.
“im going to go shower, go work on your essay, okay? don’t wanna get behind do you, darling?” i shook my head as he turned to me again and gave me a smile. as he walked into the bathroom, i couldn’t help but notice him clutch his stomach just a tiny bit. i guessed that he might’ve been sore from dance practice so i shrugged it off. i sat back down at the chair and pulled my legs up to my chest as i stared at the wall, trying to think of how to start it. i heard the shower head squeak on and water started to poor.
i couldnt think, the only one thing that filled my head was the way hyunjin acted. was he getting hate from social media again? or maybe he was just tired. i turned my focus to the empty doc and watched the small line blink, then fade away. laying on my head on the keyboard out of defeat of my writers block, the keys pressed under the pressure and the letters and symbols appeared on the screen. I turned my head to the side to see a framed photo of me and hyunjin backstage during their maniac tour. He was holding his phone out as he kissed his cheek, eyes closed gently, as i winked, held his cheeks and looked at the camera.
a smile appeared at the sight of the familiar picture. i picked it up to look at it closer, han and minho were making faces at us in the background. then a lightbulb went off in my head. i knew what i was going to write about! i placed the picture back in its place and backspaced all the letters and symbols that had been accidentally pressed into the doc.
i started typing and typed faster than i thought i could. i was so emerged into the essay, i didn’t even notice Hyunjin walk out of the bathroom, change into sweats and a white tee, and crawl into bed. well, that was until about 2 to 3 hours later, my computer was 10% to dying. i sighed and saves the doc before closing the computer and plugging it in. i turned to see hyunjins sleeping figure, his legs bent at his knees and his hands rested under his cheek.
i was slightly confused but he looked so peaceful. he never fell asleep before me, he always made sure i went to sleep before him. i came to a conclusion that today was just hard for him, and he was really tired. I changed into some shorts and a baggy tee i stole from his a few days ago. it was one of his shirts that had been smothered in paint. i thought it looked beautiful, even it was just some splattered colored on a basic light grey tee. it was so beautiful to me, because of the fact that it was made by my boy, my hyunjin.
i slipped into the bed next to him, throwing my arms around his middle. he shivered in his sleep despite feeling hotter than usual. i looked at his face as it scrunched up in slight discomfort. i brought my hand up to his face to brush some hair out of his face, brushing his cheek and forehead in the process. both felt unusually hot. i frowned, thinking possibly hes sick.. but he would’ve told me? he always does. i sighed closing my eyes to fall asleep with him, id make sure to take care of him in the morning.
i woke up to feel hyunjin getting out of bed beside me. “jinnie?” i mumbled, seeing his figure turn in the dark. “im just going to the bathroom..” i sighed and pick up my phone from the bedside table. it was 2:42 am. “just go back to sleep, okay lovely? I’ll be back in a few minutes..” i sighed and laid back in the bed. as he went into the bathroom, i heard him cough a few times and then i thought i heard him.. vomit? “jinnie?”
i opened the door to see him sitting on the floor, hunched over the toilet. i didn’t say another word, i just walked up behind him and held his slightly long, black hair away from his face. the lingering feeling of his skin felt like fire against my fingertips. as i held his hair with one hand, i held his hand gently with the others. “im sorry” he coughed out. he got finished throwing up and laid his head against my chest. i felt a droplet fall onto my leg. i held his head in my hands to look him in the eyes
“why are you crying baby?” i asked as i brushed a tear off his cheek with my thumb. “im sorry i didnt tell you.. im sorry you have to take care of me. i-i know you have an essay to do and- i-“ i kissed his forehead and held him close to my chest again. “don’t apologize.. the essay can wait, ill take care of everythin. of you, my university work, everything.. but you’re my first priority, okay?” i hugged his shoulders as he nodded and sniffed softly. “why didn’t you tell me you were sick my boy?” “you looked so concentrated on your essay.. i didn’t want to make you loose your train of thought.”
i laughed softly. “you we’re my train of thought, i was writing an essay about the cons of being in love with someone.” “you wrote about me?” he whispered as he met his eyes with mine. “yes.. and id do it a thousand times more, i love you hyunjin.. let me take care of you?” “okay..i love you too yn.” i kissed the crown of his head a few times before laughing. “let’s get you into bed, yeah? ill get you some medicine and water.. i know your dehydrated.”
we stood up together and i brought him to bed, tucked him in and set up a desk fan on his night stand. “have i ever told you have good you are to me?” he laughed and held my hand. “all the time..” i respond with a smile. “ill get you some medicine and water, then we can go back to sleep, okay?” “what about your classes tomorrow?” he frowned. “don’t worry, ill work online. ill even work in bed with you if you want.” i brushed his hair back into a ponytail. “and ill talk to minho and chan tomorrow, you won’t have to worry, okay?” “thank you lovely..” “of course.”
i left the room and grabbed him a ice cold water and some medicine. when I came back he smiled at me, taking the medicine, and downing most of the water. “will you stay with me all night?” he asked as he pulled me into bed with him. “however long you want.” he smiled again and held me in his arms. “goodnight, my lovely girl.” “goodnight, my hyunjinnie.”
#stray kids#skz scenarios#skz x reader#stray kids x y/n#skz#stray kids scenarios#skz hyunjin#stray kids hyunjin#hyunjin x you#hyunjin x reader
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