#01×04: The Whole World Is Watching | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

jiminjamms · 1 month ago

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sex therapy :: 31. gangbangs

summary: a very self-indulgent chapter/pseudo-oneshot. **naoya’s ex-wife becomes toji’s girl. everybody wants a taste, and why not have the younger cousin watch the show?** alternatively, a gangbang with tattooed dilfs and dilf-adjacents.

chapter tags/warnings: five-some, gangbang, sex on tape, gun play (becoming a gun slut), cum play, breeding, creampies, exhibitionism, edging, degradation, praising, mentions of violence (murder, knives, guns), multiple orgasms.

word count: 5.5k

notes: happy kinktober and thank you for waiting! this started off as a concept (in my mind for a year-plus) and evolved into…a monster. too many men, too many hands, too many cocks. got lost in the sauce. despite being a smut chapter in a long fic, this update is borderline porn-without-plot. likes, comments, and reblogs are much appreciated. xoxo

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“I love getting gangbanged."

Naoya woke up in a dark room and to a throbbing headache.

Where…?

He looked around the unfamiliar surroundings slowly, blinking past his grogginess to register what almost looked like a crime movie’s interrogation room and groaning when the wrong angle to his head caused a sharp pain in his shoulder.

All around was an ominous and gloomy shade of gray—the walls, the ceiling, the floor, and heck even the door. How long had he been out for? Without windows, he could not take a wild guess at the time. Not to mention that the room also had no lighting, no pictures, and no décor.

Only him and this...random dinky chair he found himself tied up to.

Wait.

Tied up to?

Right. From what Naoya could last recall, he had been stopped by two men who took him out with a single strike.

In a vain attempt to set himself free, Naoya tugged at his limbs which were fastened behind him with sturdy cords. He twisted and turned, then twisted harder and turned even harder, until an unexpected voice startled him.

“You’re awake.”

Naoya went still.

Having zero visual stimuli sharpened Naoya’s other senses a little. He could feel the labored huffs in his breathing, hear the heavy footsteps that began in the chamber, and even taste the smoke that lingered in the hazy air.

Leering towards the door, Naoya quickly recognized his captors as they approached.

"Don’t give us that foul look, sleepyhead," the taller one whom he remembered as Eso announced as he slowly stopped in front of the scowling blonde. He had on him a wide and nefarious grin. "You had passed out for the last few hours. During that time, you could've been beaten. Or better yet, dead." He glanced up. "Right, Kechizu?"

His accomplice, who stopped on the opposite side, replied with a firm nod. From seemingly nowhere, he had pulled out a pocket knife and grazed the icy blade against Naoya's neck. "Ya feel that? I've been wanting to slit your throat, but I haven't. Lucky, lucky duck. Not everyone is this fortunate. All because our big bro Choso is being super nice to you."

Aware that a wrong move would cost him a jugular vein, Naoya listened intently. Since he worked with the other sex therapists before, he indeed recalled how his former colleague led a tightly-knit assassin ring, in which the members deemed each other 'brothers.'

Kechizu prodded Naoya again with his blade. "Big bro's the only reason you're still alive. Although, I don't know why you'd want to still be breathing now that the whole world knows you've been bumping uglies with your older cousin's ex-wife."

Eso hummed in agreement. "Well, at least for now," he began and he gestured around in vague motions, “you're already in paradise!” Then, he paused. “Well, correction. Here is where we send people to paradise. Or, more likely, hell.”

Noticing how Naoya uncharacteristically froze, the two snickered. In fact, they likely would've continued snickering if not for a shrill tone that pierced the air. The laughter stopped.

Eso's charcoal eyes flicked downwards.

"Left pocket, Kechizu."

The other man obeyed, lowering his knife (and thus giving Naoya an actual chance to breathe) before grabbing the phone from Naoya's blazer. A notification lit up the screen—a message, from you.

“She sent a video.”

Eso and Kechizu intentionally held the screen away, and their face quickly lit up with a sinister smile when they previewed the file. “Oh, yeah. Let's watch.”

“Come join us, sweetheart.”

You thought you were discreet.

Lingering at the doorway, you had been peering into the Zenin Corporation’s CEO Suite like a lost duck. This past afternoon, news about the leadership changes within Japan’s largest conglomerate had spread like wildfire across business and politics networks across the globe, announcing that Naoya Zenin had been forced to resign with Toji Fushiguro reclaiming his position as head of the company.

For the latter, you had questions—many questions. However, an inundated Toji was difficult to approach as he spent his entire afternoon in the office with his also-reinstated directors Sukuna, Geto, and Choso. From your observations, the men had been milling around the table, speaking to each other in hushed but decisive voices in conversations that must remind them of their days managing the Zenin Corporation before Naoya’s takeover.

They all appeared ridiculously handsome with their expensive custom-tailored suits that emphasized their muscular physiques and complemented their towering heights. Surrounded by legal documents and business reports, they carried themselves differently, too. More mature, organized, and serious, especially after hectic meetings with the Chairman Naobito Zenin, your COO father, and internal and external stakeholders had left etches on their calculating faces.

Now, however, Toji Fushiguro had caught sight of your quivering form at the entrance, and soon enough, all eyes turned to you. When you didn’t respond to his first invitation, the executive approached you in confident strides.

“Why do you look so shy?”

At the unanticipated attention, you averted your gaze onto the floor and tried to slink away into the hall slowly. “You all seemed occupied, and I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“You're not interrupting anything," he clarified. "We have some time now.”

He tugged your wrist softly, which was all that you needed to follow him like a fawn into the room and crumble onto his lap once he sat down. Despite his dress pants, the warmth from his thighs heated your skin, and Toji nuzzled his face into your neck. His gravelly huffs sounded like all the other times you had heard him rasp, moments followed by endless endearment.

"About Naoya," the older man brought up from seemingly nowhere. You tensed at the name while Toji's cordial lips assuaged you. "Choso’s brothers are making sure he’s not going to do anything funny. We can't have him around as we are transitioning the company. As for you...knowing my cousin, he's going to keep claiming you as his property unless you get through his dense head," and his viridescent pupils flicked upward, "and the only way to do that is to show him.”

Although you didn’t know exactly what he meant, Toji hoisted you in one fluid motion onto his desk and sprawled you across the surface. He pushed your thighs apart, prompting sharp breaths that echoed in the room as onlookers raked their eyes down your figure. Some (namely, Sukuna and Geto) peered down shamelessly, while others (just Choso, really) tried to come off as cool and observed quietly. Nonetheless, the message in their perverted gazes was clear: what they wouldn't give to kiss you, bite you, and mark you right then and there.

Just as you shrank a little from the overwhelming attention, Toji reached for your phone and pressed the device firmly into your palm.

“Let’s send him a message.” Toji’s eyes locked onto yours, unflinching and sharp.

You blinked, raising an incredulous brow. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me.” Leaning forward, Toji offered a clear view of the ink scrolling down his neck, his exhales warm against the beading cold sweat on your forehead. “Open up the camera. Let's send Naoya Zenin a surprise.” He gently pinched you. "Like I said, that idiot wouldn't understand shit unless you slam the idea into his dumb skull.”

You hesitated, glancing down at the phone in your hand.

“A photo won't be enough, by the way. We need a video. He won't get the fucking idea unless he sees and hears the proof.” When you complied, Toji turned to the colleague closest to him. "Wanna do the honors, Suguru?"

The said man came forward eagerly, the obsidian in his eyes sparkling. "'No' is never my answer to you, sir." Given your compromising position, he had the easy option to tear your lacy panties and stuff himself into your core except he wanted to take his time.

"I heard a lot about you." His compliments were all purrs that sent hot shivers shooting through your veins. "Mind if I take a go at you, too?"

After being passed between his three other colleagues, you must admit that you had at least thought about what sex with Geto was like, too. "Please."

At the permission, the man smiled and bunched your underwear to one side. The cold air hitting your drenched cunt made you shiver, but the collective groan in the room rumbled even louder, a reminder of the many men around you. Men who were being patient for you. Men who could not stop thinking about you. Men who, because of your ex-husband, had been holding grudges against you.

Geto pulled down his boxers just until the waistband fitted snugly under his balls. His cock stood proud with precum dribbling down his length as he positioned himself in the comfy spot between your thighs. He pressed against the table until his knuckles turned white, aligning himself with your entrance.

Without extra stimulation, your saturated folds welcomed him easily and you gasped loudly at the intrusion.

"Shit, you’re soaking," Geto sighed softly as you clenched around him, swarming his veins with gratification. He tipped his head forward, his loose strands framing his face. “Tell me to stop if you’re uncomfortable, okay?” He was so sweet, so kind. You nodded and hazily recognized that this was what making love was supposed to feel like: tender, gentle, and loving. This was Suguru Geto's charm.

Before you could say more, an opportunistic Sukuna took his place above you. He moved quickly, undoing his belt and tugging hastily at his trousers, humming loudly with relief when he pulled his pants down and his massive cock sprang free. Despite being jostled by another man, you swabbed at the bubbling precum before pushing your thumb into your mouth, relishing his clean and salty tinge on your tongue.

Amused, Sukuna chuckled darkly. "What a fucking tease," he crowed, then patting your cheek. "C'mon. Open up, baby. Let me get to the back of your throat."

With little resistance, he popped your jaw open and sank his massive girth into your mouth. Gradually, you bobbed your head back and forth, letting your tongue lick every millimeter to him. He, likewise, pushed his hips forward, bringing your nose flushed against his well-trimmed patch of pink hair. He plucked the recording phone from your hands, and you sensed him tapping on the screen to focus on the erotic display where your bodies connected, your sinful lips accepting his fat cock with ease.

"You are such a good girl." Sukuna Ryomen confirmed, his movements mind-numbing as though he wanted to breed your esophagus. He wrapped a hand around your windpipe, constricting your airflow and causing you to gag. "Brat looks like a goddamn goddess sucking dick. Isn't that right, Choso?"

No response.

Curious, your pupils rolled to the side.

The assassin's the man you feared the most.

He was quiet, always guarded, his mysterious eyes pulling you in like two black holes. You could never know what he’s thinking about, although you lucidly remember his crooked obsession with 'disciplining' you.

"Hey, honey.” Geto's deft fingers suddenly gripped your chin, forcing your gaze to return to him. “Pay attention to us, m'kay?"

You hummed in response, Sukuna’s dick still bulging visibly in your throat.

"I don’t want you to lose focus," an overly aroused Suguru went on to explain. He breathed heavily. Shaking. Or maybe that was you? He clutched your love handles harshly before he pulled out and stepped to the side, making you stroke himself with your delicate hands instead. Briefly, you assumed that Geto preferred handjobs and wanted to ejaculate onto your breasts, only to get your answer when your puffy clit came into contact with the sharp coolness from…metal?

"Choso," Toji's harsh voice warned.

Brought back to your senses, you looked down to see Choso using the fluids to lubricate...his gun. You recognized the weapon, the same one you had seen in his car. The same one he would use to kill. All air in your lungs left swiftly. What the actual fuck. Sheer mortification was the only reason you didn't have the guts to do anything (because, if Choso became irritated enough, he could pull the trigger and then you would have no guts at all), and your silence only gave him a reason to continue defiling you into his personal gun slut.

He stared at his boss with an unperturbed frown. "You know I like her too much to hurt her."

A squeal tumbled past your lips when the pistol's freezing barrel pressed past your tight hole. Although you partially expected Toji to warn the weapon-wielding man again, Toji instead leaned forward in his chair, jaw resting on his fist. He could seem more concerned, but the mirthful glimmer in his emerald eyes said otherwise.

Meanwhile, Choso's piercing gaze alone made you sweaty, your forehead turned glossy with a sheen. He lazily massaged your inner walls, your warm arousal coating his cool metal before leaking onto the table, the only struggle now was how your body involuntarily twitched. To your fascination (and horror), pleasure began to build with each too-hard pass of his barrel. There were just too many sensations going on. Messy mouth deepthroating one cock, slicked hands stroking another, and sloppy cunt taking in a gun. You did your best to give everybody equal attention because you were a desperate crowd-pleaser, not wanting anyone to feel left out.

With your back arched from the table, you became increasingly frantic, demonstrating through feverish movements that all you were was their obedient little bitch. All these hands on your body, skin on your skin. You felt them all, the senses exhilarating and fascinating.

Toji sternly interrupted from seemingly nowhere. “I can tell from your movements that you want to cum, don’t you?” Maybe, but you were too overwhelmed to focus solely on your pleasure. Nothing that your therapists couldn't help with. Leaning over, Toji snaked an arm around your body to press tight circles at your engorged clit. "Be selfish for a little bit," he coaxed. "Cum for us."

His permission sent you immediately vaulting over the edge, your whole body spasming as an orgasm tore through you. Your lips parted, but you didn't scream. Your eyes shut slowly and rolled to the back of your head as every millimeter in your fragile body unraveled completely—fluttering, cramping, and shuddering.

Your ears became blessed with chorused laughter and praise.

Choso inspected your copious juices that suddenly coated his gun, a translucent thread trailing from the barrel to your now-exposed cunt. Reaching over, Sukuna wrapped his hand around Choso's forearm. He leaned into the pistol and parted his lips, swirling his tongue slowly around the barrel. His maroon eyes were half-lidded, giving him an almost lazy yet focused look as he dragged his tongue along the metal, lapping up your precious essences—the syrups rich and just a bit tangy. Drooling and sucking like a little kid with a lollipop, Sukuna didn't care that his spit trailed from the metal down to the other man's wrist and flipped the camera to selfie mode to capture the action.

Towards the end, his tongue swiped over his lips, leaving a luster from your elixir that coated his mouth. “So fuckin’ sweet.”

After another generous lick, he swished the concoction in his mouth before pinching your chin, and your mouth propped open. Pleased, he hummed when you stuck your tongue out, showcasing just how naughty you were. He drooled the spittle into your mouth, the saline taste blossoming on your taste buds, a thread of spit connecting your chin and his.

"Sharing," Sukuna chuckled darkly into your phone's microphone, "is absolutely fucking caring."

Nearby, Suguru groaned. He hurriedly clambered to the comfy space between your plush thighs, shoving a grumbling Choso aside. "I'm so fucking close."

He buried his dick into your tunnel, the veins on his cock pulsating. Call him selfish or masochistic, but as much as he wanted to reach his high, Geto denied his orgasm to stay longer inside and prevented himself from fucking bursting.

“Don't hold back, Suguru,” you urged.

Geto furrowed his brows, sweat gathering on his forehead as he tried his best to hold out. He admitted earnestly, "I don't want to give you up, baby.”

“I want you to cum,” you said, all whiny with puppy eyes. Free hand slithering down, you cupped his aching balls and gently squeezed his heavy testes. "Besides,” you glanced over at the camera, “show Naoya how you can breed me…daddy."

Sugaru’s eyes widened at the unexpected nickname that he loved so much. That’s it. He’s done for. His handsome features crumpled from an over-the-top pleasure as he gave his snapping hips one final push and pumped you full, coating your cervix white with his thick essence as he rested his head against your forehed, panting into your ear and moaning into your skin.

Pressing one last kiss on your cheekbone, he pulled himself out of your hot cunt, allowing others to have their way with you.

Sukuna got behind you eagerly. He repositioned your shaking body, his calloused hands tossing you over and leaving you panting on your hands and knees. His harsh squeeze at your sides made you squeal just as he pulled your legs apart for easier access, exposing your cute hole.

"Shit, she's making a mess, dripping onto the desk." The same desk that belonged to Naoya merely several hours ago. Adjusting your phone camera, Sukuna thumbed through your folds like they were pages in a book, scoffing at the viscous dallops that slid out. The tattoos on his wrists gleamed pitch black under the glossy mixed juices.

"Suguru's cock did you well, but this pretty lady isn't finished yet, eh? She can take more. I know she can." His hands weaved into your hair and tugged harshly. "Tell us, missy. You can handle more, correct?"

The threat in his menacing tone only suggested there was one answer. You whimpered pathetically, "Yes."

With a crooked smile, Sukuna pressed his muscular form against your back. That man was starving. After all, he had been waiting to have your pussy properly wrapped around his painful erection when he could've greedily taken you for himself first.

"Stop moving so I can angle myself correctly," Sukuna reprimanded when you wobbled on all fours.

Hardly any time was given to let you register the warning before the man plunged into your sensitive socket. He ignored your desperate wail, amazed at how he plugged you all the way. His pace started off sensual and languid. Each snug press against your battered cervix at first made you squeak, but you became too far caught up in the moment that the discomfort disappeared as promptly as the sensation came.

"Mhm," Sukuna hummed, a squelch ringing through the room each time he would bottom out. He didn't need to say anything for him to feel how wet you were, fluids trickling out from your puffy hole and creating what looked like the Nile River running down your thighs.

"Holy fuck," Choso swore to the side, his emotions a rare display.

Blissful waves rushed to your head, one after another. Arousal flooded into your tummy, your cunt twitching uncontrollably as a second climax started to sneak up on you.

Sukuna groaned—or at least attempted to groan—through the exertion of his forceful movements. How he had missed playing with you. A few trickles of sweat on his forehead glided over the ink on his forehead before dripping onto your back. He pumped himself faster, his balls smacking against your clit harder—savoring how you squirmed underneath his direct influence.

He could not resist peering down at the sacred space where your bodies connected and ensured that the camera, too, had an unobscured view. The problem was he had become so agonizingly turned on that his hold on your phone began shaking. He rasped, back straightening. “Goddamn, your cunny does me good.”

Not long after, he reached his release snarling and grunting like a dog as white ropes shot from his cock and into your uterus, with him nearly dropping your device onto your ass from his sheer ecstasy.

"No!" you protested loudly when Sukuna pulled out abruptly, hissing as your empty hole clenched around nothing. "I..." You balled your fists, thumping the desk in frustration. "I was so fucking close."

"Don't worry." The strawberry-haired man tenderly brushed away the tears by your jaw. Like he hoped to comfort you somehow. "Nothing Choso can't help with. He'll take great care of you." He looked over at the said colleague. “Isn’t that right?”

Gulping, you followed his gaze to the other man who had stopped behind you.

"You look nervous," Choso commented matter-of-factly. "Why?"

As if he didn’t already know the answer. You rolled your eyes and snorted like a true brat, indeed. "None of your business."

Besides, you had enough encounters with Choso Kamo, each incident more indecent than the last. This time, he naturally noticed your eyes drift to the gun tucked into his back pocket, the saps from earlier creating an ample moist patch on his pants.

“So, tell me, bimbo," Choso spoke again. He didn't care to announce himself as he unbuckled and pressed in, stretching you with his thickness, aided by your copious reserve containing both arousal and cum, hitting that sweet spot that he had no problem finding over and over. "Did you think I had been done with you already?"

Holding in whimpers from his repeated thrusts, you let out a soft groan.

"I can't hear you."

"Yes."

“But, do you want me?”

Silence.

“I am not going to repeat my—”

"I want you s’ badly..."

A demon must have possessed you. There was no other way to explain yourself. But those remarks were all Choso needed before he began to move impossibly fast within you. He didn’t care that he pounded into you like a beast, creating a commotion that perhaps the floor below could hear your wetness reverberate around the room.

"This is for being a fucking tease." Choso raised his hand high and then delivered an unforgiving blow against your ass. Unprepared, you yelped from the sheer force, which had been enough to leave a handprint on your unblemished cheeks.

"I didn't—!" Your attempt to defend proved futile as Choso spanked you again with little regard for your feelings.

"This is for giving me an attitude," he continued, gruff. And again. "For forgetting how to behave, shit." And again, and again, and again. For this, for that, his listed grievances going on and on and on, his punishments making you cry and squirm and wail.

Choso knew he was selfish. If his boss Toji wasn't involved, he would want nothing more than to keep you forever, making you his little gun slut and teaching you to cum all over him. He couldn’t help it. As if the roles were reversed. Like he was the inexperienced one, unaware of his partner's feelings and only caring for his pleasure. He remained relentless as he continued his abuse, the tendons along his hands and arms flexing with his efforts, like the crazed killer he was being out for blood.

The distressed expression written all over your face only made him want to go harder. He loved making it hurt, his sadistic personality entirely to blame. With every pump, his testes smacked onto your clit repeatedly, feeling him sink deeper and deeper inside.

“F-Fuck—S’ too much, Choso!” A sob wracked your trembling figure amidst his assault. In distress, you tugged at his wrists to get him to ease up on you. That didn't matter. He was too strong, especially when compared to you.

"I thought you wanted to cum."

"I do!" But you didn't think you would be able to cum like this. "This...This is too painful!"

As if he cared.

"Oh, please," Choso scoffed, even rolling his inky eyes in dismissal. "This isn't painful. You're just being dramatic. If you think this is painful...how do you think I felt, hm? Watching Geto and Sukuna take turns defiling you. Hearing you blubber their names without shame. Did you think that I—with my cock stiff in my pants—that I didn't feel pain? Listen to yourself. God, turns out you're just another selfish slut."

Scorching tears streamed down your face, and you searched around desperately.

"No one here's going to save you," Choso announced, reading right through you. He pressed his face against your earlobe, a hot puff of air fanning out across your delicate skin. "Because it's too obvious. You fucking like this, pup."

Did you?

Even if that wasn't the case, you guess you did now, the unwavering conviction in Choso's tone spurring a change of heart. It’s sick, you realized, he’s manipulating me.

Yet, sure enough, you soon started to feel lighter, giddier. Your pupils dilated from stimulation and your muscles tingled with excitement. Choso felt so good. You felt so good, and the coil from deep within your cervix compressed tighter and tighter as a pressure built from within.

"I'm close...again." This time, it's a little embarrassing to admit, especially when you were complaining like a puppy just minutes ago.

"What did I tell you, pet," Choso growled, the corners of his mouth quirked upwards in a rare grin. He made you feel glorious. Consequently, you writhed underneath his body, fully submissive under his control. You wanted nothing more than to be a pliant baby girl for him, let him use you in any way he wants. "Cum and squeeze my cock."

“Make me.”

“Oh?”

One final blow to your ass was what hurled your body over the edge.

“I—” you choked on your spit. "I'm coming!"

You shrieked the moment you felt your body disintegrate, your shoulder blades caving in as sweat fell like raindrops from your skin. Elbows giving up, your head hit the table, leaving your temples pulsing with dizziness, bliss, and pain; your eyes staring at the wood finishing; your chest rising up and down, exasperated from the intensity of your release.

And oh, your pussy squeezed Choso good. Before he could hold himself back, Choso dug his nails into your ass. "Fuck, you are incredible," was the last thing he muttered before he came as well in one long grunt, splattering your womb with his creamy semen. He made you tremble when he pulled out, releasing the mess inside and leaving you feeling oddly empty and cold. Glob after glob of cum oozed out, semen from multiple perpetrators painting over your labia, which made the surrounding men grin at the sight, knowing that you held all their seed inside.

Nothing except their breeding hole, that was what you had become. There was something they adored about labeling you as their personal whore.

Not long afterward, a warm hand took yours into his own. Toji caressed the skin of your palm before pulling you right onto his lap again. In the end, he was whom you belonged to. If anybody wanted to do anything to you, they had to talk to him first.

Toji helped you straddle him, tucking one leg onto his either side, except you were so fucked out that you didn’t know who you were or where you were from.

"C'mon, honey. Don't lose yourself just yet," he murmured gently, brushing a few free strands from your forehead. Otherwise, you would've gone limp and lost all senses completely.

Toji had been waiting for you. He considered this a sign of his maturity, allowing the younger and more impatient men to make a mess with you first. Now, though, was his turn, fair and square.

His exposed length pressed up against his abdomen with fantastic girth and length such that—despite your current state—your pupils went heart-eyed and your mouth drooled from sight alone. He loved when you made that expression, one he had seen countless times in his dreams; a guilty pleasure in reality. He chortled at your sharp gasps, finding you adorable even after being stuffed by several men.

However, just when you didn't think you could handle more, his red-flushed head brushed over your clit and jolted your veins with the familiar wave of arousal. You shifted, the sticky mess between your legs uncomfortable. In a brief moment of lucidity, you had an epiphany. With one hand resting on Toji's shoulder, you reached down with the other to spread your folds, biting your lip as you clamped down on your sensitive walls hard.

Sure enough, a generous amount of cum trickled out of your used cunt, oozing onto Toji’s cockhead and sliding down gradually to his balls.

"Holy shit."

Eyes grew wide with surprise, jaws dropped in reaction to your nasty actions. Since when did you learn to become so dirty? Flushed cheeks betrayed their interest as they continued their lustful staring. Generous was what you were, letting them ogle like schoolchildren for a few moments longer before you scooped up the slick and began to suck on your fingers. Softly, you hummed at the succulent flavors concocted by you, Suguru, Sukuna, and Choso combined.

"Next up is you."

“So fuckin’ filthy," Toji praised with utter adoration.

As you continued, you made sure not to break eye contact as you subtly rutted your sopping cunt against his tip. You coyly batted your long lashes in his direction, making sure he could feel the liquids running down his cock and the throbbing pussy that awaited him.

You smiled. "All yours, Dr. Fushiguro."

He suddenly grew smitten at how polite you could be, and using his hands as a guide, he helped you sink into him slowly. “Goddamn.” The sound that emerged from him was wholly obscene, a carnal desperation only matched by your movements, your thighs constricting his hips and your eyes rolling backward. How cozy, you discovered yourself to be, snug at his hilt. Toji had filled you all the way but a few centimeters of his cock remain, his tip already kissing against your spent uterus.

Something about knowing that his little cousin would watch this made Toji want to do everything to push deeper into you. He started by rocking your waist against a rhythm, and a near-pornographic mewl escaped your lips when his shaft ran over an especially sensitive spot, the ridges rubbing against your cavern and sending pleasure through your every limb. He hummed at the way you squealed and loved how expressive you were with your body and feelings.

His tongue laved across your shoulder before stopping over your collarbone. "You'll still go back to Naoya after this?"

"Absolutely not," you mumbled with sincerity. "I would hate myself if I did."

“Excellent,” he slurred, his spit drooling down your back from where his mouth had latched onto your neck. “That’s…exactly what I wanted to hear, baby.”

Baby. Your eyes squeezed shut, responding with a whine. Although the overstimulation was originally uncomfortable, you began to feel satisfaction cut through the soreness once again as your body prepared for one more climax. You rocked your hips in need, like an animal in heat, a sight that would certainly drive your ex-husband crazy. “F-Feels,” you paused to pant, “Feels good.”

“Fuck.” Toji gritted out, breaking through his cacophony of crude moaning and effectively searing your skin. He continued steering your body in the rhythm he learned you liked, his nails nearly piercing your skin despite their bluntness. He cupped your jaw harshly. “What are you to us, sweetheart?”

“Oh.” You laughed a little, clearly delirious, and then replied. “'M your cumdump.”

“Say that again.”

“I—”

“Louder.” The emeralds in his heavy-lidded eyes skated briefly to the phone. “I want everyone to hear.”

So, you mustered all your energy to give your final answer—and the correct answer. "I am your cum dumpster!"

Toji started saying something, chuckling maybe, but his words weren’t clear even as he tossed his head back. His breathing was deep, wet, and sexy, and he was no doubt blistering hot in his business blazer, his slicked-back hair soaked with sweat and hanging limply in front of his flushed face. His expression, on the other hand, was what got you the most; his eyes drawn shut, his brows slightly pinched, his mouth just barely parted.

He panted, raising his head to lock lips with yours, moaning into your mouth lewdly before pulling back, and admiring your fucked out expression, face heated and sweating.

“Shit, you’re too good to me,” was the last thing Toji sighed before he added to your womb with his hot cum, his grip on your body tightening as his balls twitched and lodged his precious seed into the sacred cavern. Pussy clamping down, you milked him, not willing to let a single drop go to waste, gasping when the explosive warmth made you shatter with him, leaving you hiccuping and spasming until you were just jolting and crying out from the stretched muscles in your body.

Overheated, you slumped forward. Sweat rolled uncomfortably down your back, spit smeared across your neck and shoulders and chin.

But you looked up and giggled at your latest discovery.

“I love getting gangbanged."

last chapter || next chapter

end notes: I spent way more time preparing this chapter than I expected, writing, rewriting, and editing. Adding, shortening, then adding again. (At some point, this was nearly 7K words.) This is far from perfect, but I must relinquish myself. Thank you again for reading!

taglist: @dissociatingdiva @httpsplanetmarsdotcom @nemoyr @huangfairy @sakuraryomen01 @shadowarchon @203steph @agentdedf1sh @cloudybabes @lynn-writes-things @illicitwriter @7oji @kikuchimi @chaoticjojofan @musicisme333 @kumocchin @s-guru @mwahilovemylife @hey-gurls69 @cloudsinthecosmos @moon-mumu-moon @kazscara @skilerfrostfairy @funicidals @nico707 @proteovaldez @tsukiyohanayome @marimoares @qirbys @puffaloxx @sakanoshitaa @arizzuruu @kissditrio @lewd-bunny14 @mistyheart @szired @supsii @yvy1s @lazyassfinals @katkbc @tokyometronetwork @downtown-roponggi @the-cosmos-network

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jeankluv · 7 months ago

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But daddy I love him - Satoru Gojo [ch.01]

Short series

Summary: If there was a phrase that could describe you, it was; good girl. You had been a good girl all your life, following your father's orders and being as modest as possible. You had focused your entire life on being a perfect lady, one who could be a good wife in the future. This is how you had been raised and how you had been instructed. But your whole world was shaken when one warm summer morning, your eyes met the bold, defiant and sharp gaze of a young man with white hair.

Tags of the series: +18, female!reader, set in 1700s-1800s, loss of virginity, misogyny language and thinking, oral sex, fingering, innocent oc, unsafe sex, vaginal sex, manipulative, eating disorders, abusive parents, no use of y/n.

ch.01 | ch.02 | ch.03 | ch.04 | ch.05 | epilogue

Jujutsu Kaisen materialist

Note: this is going to be a short series, of around two or three chapters, it’s a way to say thank you for the 300 followers. The tags are in general for the series, in this chapter there are only suggestive language and some misogyny comments and actions, according to the time that is set. Oc and Satoru are +20

words: 4k

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You were on the beach, near the house, you had gone for a walk and read a book by the seashore. The morning was warm and your blue dress moved due to the sea breeze that hit you. Placing a lock of your hair behind your ear, you looked at the immense sea before you.

You had rarely left your place of residence and even less had you crossed the sea. But this was a fervent dream that you had longed for since you had started reading stories from different places in the world.

But your parents were strict and you had a weak body to be able to make that journey. So the only thing left was to long for something that would not happen and immerse yourself in your beloved books.

You turned the page of the book you had brought with you and continued reading. It was a romantic book, one of those that made butterflies flutter in your stomach with just words written on a piece of paper. You had always wondered if it really happened, if when you were in love with someone those butterflies appeared and fluttered.

You had never fallen in love, but you had always longed for it. You knew that when the time came, you would be married to someone, but the mere idea of marrying someone, with whom you could never feel those butterflies or any kind of affection, terrified you.

You were terrified of the idea of ending up like your parents and raising your children in a loveless home, like you had.

“It’s the book good, angel?” A deep voice spoke in front of you.

Resting the book against your chest, you looked up, meeting a face you didn't know. His gaze was sharp and even a little arrogant. You stayed watching him, while his gaze continued to rest on you and you felt like he was somehow undressing you with his eyes. You held the book tighter to your chest and drew your legs up a little.

“Oh don’t be afraid princess. I don’t bite, unless you want me to.” You felt your face heat up at his words.

“Who are you?” You murmured.

“Satoru.” He said, giving a bite to the apple on his hand. “What are you reading angel?” He pointed to the book.

You hesitated, unsure if you should keep talking with that unkown man. “I think I should leave.” You said getting up carefully.

The man whose name was Satoru cleared his throat. "Come on angel, don't tell me that my presence scared you."

“I would rather be alone sir.” You whispered. “Now I will take my leave.” You said turning around and moving fast across the beach.

You could still feel his gaze on you, never leaving you, not until you disappeared from his sight. Walking across the dirt road that connected your house to the beach, you looked back to make sure the man wasn't following you. Your breathing was labored and your heart was beating rapidly when you reached the door. Taking another breath through your nostrils, you straightened your back and put on the best of your smiles as you entered the house.

"My lady." One of the household maids approached you. “Her mother wants to see her.”

"Something happened?" You bowed your head.

“No, miss, I just want to talk to you about the dinner that will be held tonight.”

“Oh, yeah okay.” You nodded.

Still clutching the book to your chest, you walked through the house. You were not the wealthiest in the county, but your father had a good fortune and from time to time he held parties, in a desperate attempt to get one of the rich men to notice his daughter and thus marry her.

That night you would once again have to endure the lustful gazes of men three times your age, while you made excuses not to commit to them. But time was fleeting and his excuses were slowly running out.

You knocked on the door and heard your mother telling you to enter.

“Mother.” You bowed your head. “I heard you called me.”

“Yes.” She said. “Tonight as you know there will be a party in our house.” You nodded. “I want you to stay away from one of our guests.”

“Stay away? Wouldn't that be rude?”

“No. That man is no good news.” She stood up and walked to the window. “It doesn’t matter how wealthy he is, he is no good for our family.” Then she turned around and walked towards you. “So please my beautiful daughter, don’t you dare approach that man.” A shiver ran through your body when you saw your mother's threatening gaze and you nodded with fear.

“May I ask, what’s his name mother?” You said, still frightened.

“It's Duke Satoru Gojo. I heard he is good looking but besides that, there is nothing good about him.”

Satoru

That was the name of that man, wasn’t it?

“Is something wrong?” Your mother asked.

“No, nothing is wrong mother.” You responded feeling the nervousness in your words. “I retire to my room to start getting ready for the party.” Your mother nodded and you left the room.

You walked back to your room, thinking about the man once again. Just thinking about him sent a shiver down your spine. Mother had asked you not to approach him, but you had the feeling that he would be the one to approach you. Remembering your meeting on the beach, you wouldn't have thought he was a lord or anything like that. To tell the truth, you thought that he was one of the villagers in town who wanted to bother you, for the way he was dressed up.

He was wearing a white shirt, with the top buttons unbuttoned and the sleeves rolled up. With just one glance you could see that he was well toned. A subtle blush appeared on your face as you realized what you were thinking about. You shook your head to get rid of those improper thoughts.

“My lady?” A knock on your door brought you back.

“Rose!” You smiled at your maid.

“I’m here to start your preparations for tonight’s party.” She smiled with a small nod.

“That’s perfect. Let’s begin.”

And before you realized it, you were already putting on the final touches of your makeup and the sun had already set on the horizon of the sea. Rose said goodbye to you when you headed towards the door and with a firm step you headed to the entrance where the guests were waiting and where that man would surely also be.

Going down the stairs, you stood next to your parents, to welcome the guests arriving at the party. The faces of people already familiar and new, passed by one by one. Feeling a relief in your chest when you saw that that man did not appear, you entered the party. There were hardly any people your age or people with whom you could start a conversation that you liked.

“My lady?” You turned to see the face of the man who had called you.

He was a marquis from near the capital, he was approximately 40 years old, you heard that his wife died and now he was looking for a young girl to remarry and thus give him a male heir.

Taking a step back you greeted him. "Sir." You put on the best of your smiles.

“You look absolutely beautiful, my lady.” He flattered you, bringing the glass of wine to his mouth, his face was dyed a soft red so, it was more than evident, that this was not his first glass of wine. “It's a shame no one has courted you yet.” He said taking a step forward, you took one step back.

“The right man hasn’t appeared yet, sir.” You wanted to escape that conversation as soon as possible.

“My lady, how about I invite you to my country side house and let me court you properly?” He raised his hand so you could place yours on top of it.

Your mouth went dry and your hands started to shake. “I…” You wanted to say no, but that would be nonsense and disrespectful.

“I think the lady is not very interested in an insect like you.” A deep voice spoke behind you.

A chill ran down your spine when you heard that voice. It was him.

You raised your face to see him standing behind you, with a frivolous smile looking at the marquis you were conversing with.

”Duke Satoru Gojo, excuse me. How are you? I didn’t expect to see him at this party.” The marquis who seconds ago possessed tremendous confidence was now shaking like a wet puppy.

“Pretty annoyed, because I have to see insects like you believing themselves to be something they're not.” He scratched his head and took a step forward, standing at your height. “Now disappear from my sight.” You trembled as you heard his tone and saw his murderous look.

Who was that man? Your gaze was fixed on him and you did not see the marquis flee the place in terror. When you realized you were both alone and he looked at you with those same hungry eyes with which he had looked at you that morning on the beach.

“Angel, we met each other once again.” He bowed a little. “You look even more beautiful than this morning.” He tangled one of your locks in his finger.

“Duke.” Taking a step back from him, you bowed to him. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.” You said without looking at his eyes.

Mother told you to stay away from him, so you needed to escape from there as soon as possible.

“Oh I’m a bit disappointed that you won’t look at me.” You heard him chuckling. “You are scared of me little one?”

“Sorry duke, but I must take my leave.” Trying to move away from him, he held your wrist pressing you against his torso.

“Careful angel.” He whispered into your ear, causing your legs to tremble at his warm breath. “You almost dumped into the waiter.”

And then you noticed, the waiter that was there holding the tray with more drinks. "I’m so sorry." You told the waiter.

The waiter shook his head and smiled at you, leaving your sight. "You have to be more careful angel, you could have hurt yourself." He whispered again against your ear.

“Thank you…” You whispered, releasing you from his grip and separating you from his muscular body.

Being close to him, his warmth and touch had caused a strange feeling in you.

“Angel, are you avoiding me?” His face came dangerously close to yours and your cheeks turned a subtle crimson red.

“No duke, that would be rude.” You looked down to your feet.

“So angel, how about you join me for a walk on this warm summer night.” He extended his hand towards you.

Your heart was beating strongly in your chest, doubting what you should do. Your mind wandered to the conversation with your mother, where she implored you to stay away from that man. But your heart wanted to grab that hand of his and take you for a walk that night. With your hand trembling you grabbed the duke's hand and together you left the house.

The cold of the night hit your body, causing you to shrink subtly, trying not to let your body heat escape. Instinctively you squeezed your hand, causing you to squeeze the duke's hand subtly. Realizing this, you moved your hand away and placed it against your chest, feeling your heart pounding in your chest.

The duke looked you up and down and took off his jacket, slinging it over your shoulders. You don't know if it was because of the jacket or because of the gesture, but you felt an intense heat settle on your face.

“Thank you duke.” You murmured holding into his jacket.

The duke just nodded and continued walking. Your gaze focused on his back and your mother's words echoed in your head again. You still had time to return to the party and ignore that you had been with that man there, but as before your heart decided for you and you walked following his step.

“So angel.” He spoke, taking what it looked like a cigarette out of his pocket. “Was the book you were reading good?”

“Yeah… it was.” His voice was making you feel things.

“What was it about?” He put the cigarette on his mouth and smiled at you while lighting up.

“About…” Your words didn’t want to come out of your mouth. “About a girl and boy that fell in love and escaped.”

“Oh… interesting.” He smiled. “You still don’t seem to trust me very much angel. Did someone talk bad about me?”

“No duke, not at all.” You hated to lie but you couldn’t expose your mother or else things could get complicated for your family.

“I don’t like when beautiful girls lie.” You felt his hand under your chin. “Tell me angel. What did they say about me?”

You trembled under his touch. “That… that you are no good news.”

With a crooked smile he spat the cigarette smoke away from you. “And that’s what you think, princess?” He asked you, narrowing his gaze.

“I haven’t had the opportunity to meet the duke, so I can not give an opinion.”

With a smile and with the cigarette between his teeth, he removed his hand from under your chin and walked to a stone seat overlooking the sea and sat there. You looked at his figure, muscular and large, feeling that heat in you again.

“Angel, don’t be shy and sit here with me.” He extended his hand and gestured for you to come closer. “I would like to know more about the beautiful lady of this house.”

You sat down next to him, placing your hands thighly on your knees, still nervous due to his presence.

“Ask me whatever you want, angel. I already told you.” He got near you. “I won’t bite you, unless you ask me to.”

Taking a deep breath, you spoke. “Why do you have a bad reputation?”

“Well…” He chuckled. “People think I killed my brother, to take the title and the power.”

“But those surely are just rumors right?” Your heart was beating faster and faster with each passing second.

“Maybe I did kill him, angel.” You began to feel dizzy, was he for real? “Don’t look at me like that angel, I didn’t kill him. My brother was clumsy and an idiot, he died due to his clumsiness but I loved him, at the end of the day he was my brother.” He threw the cigarette away. “But everyone started to believe that lie and to say I manipulated him because the title, instead of going to his son, it was leave it to me.” He shrugged. “Do you still think I’m bad angel?”

You shook your head. “I’m sorry you have to face those rumors.”

“How sweet of you angel.” He smiled. “That man… he wanted to marry you, right?”

You nodded. “Yeah…”

“Someone your age would be expected to be already married.” He pointed out.

“Yeah but I have a weak body, so my parents are trying to push it away.” You explained.

“Are they?” You looked at him confused. “Or are you?”

“What do you mean? I would never…”

“Princess it seems to me that you don’t want to marry any of those old insects and that you use the bland excuse of having a poor body to get away with it.” He cockily smiled. “I’m wrong?”

“That’s a gross lie, I would never lie about my body being weak.” You blurted out, embarrassed by his words.

He chuckled softly. “Okay angel, I will try to believe in your words.” He turned to face you. “But honestly, you would need a better match than those suitors your parents want to assign you. A princess like you doesn't deserve to be with those insects.”

You looked down. “I don’t have a say on what my father chooses for me. Once the moment comes, I will marry the person he chooses for me.”

“And that’s what you want, angel?” You felt his breath on your ear. “Or you want one of those love stories?”

You took a deep breath. “Those stories never come true, I’m destined to marry someone I won’t love, but you know.” You smiled looking at him. “Maybe with time love can happen.”

“Or maybe it never happens and you are unhappy for the rest of your life.” He said with those eyes all over you.

“Why are you telling me these things duke? Isn't it a bit rude to be talking like that to a lady?” You said.

“Is it?” He tilted. “I don’t know angel.” He stood up and you followed him with your gaze. “So you say you will marry anyone your father chooses. Interesting.” He smirked and watching that smirk, it made your body tremble.

You watched as he took a pocket watch out of his pocket and how he looked at it. “Duke…” You called him. “Why did you come to the party?” It was a question you have been wanting to ask since your mother informed you he was coming. “I don’t want to sound rude or anything, but the travel from your residence to here is quite long.”

He put the watch back in his pocket and smiled at you. “Just wanted to see with my own eyes how beautiful the lady of the house was or if the rumors were all fake.” He held your hand and brought it to his lips. “And the rumors were not wrong.” He said planting a kiss on your knuckles.

Your legs shook as the duke sank his teeth into the fabric of your gloves and gently began to remove it. But the real weakness came when he ran his tongue between your fingers while his piercing eyes were fixed on you.

An immense heat was established in the lower area of your abdomen and as much as you wanted to remove your hand from its touch, the pleasant sensation it was causing in you, prevented it.

“I will keep this glove with me, angel.” He kissed the glove and put it in his pocket. “We will see each other again soon, angel.”

And you watched him walk away, disappearing in the darkness of the night. You stayed on the bench for a few minutes, thinking about what just happened and feeling a new sensation on your body that you could not quite understand.

Standing back up you walked back to the house, getting welcomed by the noise of the people speaking, singing and dancing.

“Where were you?” Your mother appeared. “And whose jacket is that?” She raised your voice.

“I was outside and a…”

“Outside on your own?” She held your arm.

“Mother, you’re hurting me…” You whispered.

“Don’t tell me you were being a slut in our garden?” She asked you.

“What? Mother no, I was just taking fresh air.” You felt how your eyes got wet. “Please mother.”

“Agh.” She let your arm go. “Come with me, your father is going to introduce you to someone.” She turned around and walked.

You followed her in silence and with your head low, still feeling scared for your mother’s tone and angry look on her face. When you looked back up, you saw your father talking with a man, an unknown man for you. He looked the same age as your parents and was laughing with your father while smoking and drinking.

“Oh!” Your father said. “Look Marquis Harrison, this is my one and only daughter.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you sir.” You bowed your head.

“You have a really beautiful daughter.” The man spoke looking at your father.

“Yeah.” Your father laughed. “And you know Marquis Harrison, she is still unmarried and in the perfect age to to conceive.”

You felt your pulse accelerate and your breathing shorten, while you listened to your father speak. You knew where that conversation was going and you didn't want it to get to that point, you didn't want to marry that man.

You felt like the corset was tightening you more and more and how it was difficult for you to breathe with each passing moment.

Duke Satoru had been right, you had been lying about having a weak body and you had been paying gold coins to your personal doctor to corroborate it. But that excuse would soon be exhausted.

“Oh it’s that right my lady?” The man spoke to you.

You noticed the vein in your neck throbbing strongly, you felt like you would faint at any moment.

“Answer to Marquis Smith.” Your mother, angrily whispered to you.

“I…”

“Angel.” That deep voice again. “I totally forgot about my jacket.” He approached you causing all eyes to fall on him and then on you when he was in front of you.

Your cheeks turned red as you saw his face again, as if something about him had an instant effect on you.

"What does this mean?" Your mother raises her voice.

“Oh ma'am, I'm afraid I didn't get a chance to properly introduce myself to the hosts of the party.” He turned to face your parents. “I am Duke Satoru Gojo, thank you for inviting me to this party.” He smiled, bowing slightly and placing her hand on her chest.

“Are you the one who gave the jacket to my daughter?” Your mother asked.

“That's right ma'am, I found her daughter outside getting some air and I lent her my jacket.” He lied.

Your mother took two steps towards you and she grabbed you tightly by the arm, she didn't care that all eyes were on you. “Didn't I tell you to stay away from him, don’t tell me you are a slut who spreads her legs out there?”

“Mother please.” You felt your eyes sting.

Your father shook his head. “Our daughter is a bit poorly raised, Duke, we are sorry if something uncomfortable could have happened.” You felt like crying at that very moment, you wanted someone to get you out of there. You needed someone to do it.

The duke looked at you and then at your father. "I think the only rude people here are the hosts of this party, who dedicate themselves to humiliating their only daughter in front of all the guests, while trying to marry her to the highest bidder." The Duke's words came out like darts from his mouth and his gaze was so extremely sharp, you would swear he could cut the air.

“How dare you…” your father blurted out with his face slightly red.

“I want to marry your daughter.” The duke cut your father.

A loud gasp was heard in the room and you looked at him stunned.

“Stay away from her.” Your mother blurted, still holding your arm thighly.

He completely ignored your mother. “I will be staying in the house, so your daughter and I can meet better.” He sharply looked at your dad. “I hope this is not an impediment or I will have to contact his majesty the King.” He threatened.

"Alright." Your father stammered, looking at the ground. The duke turned and removed your mother's grip on your arm.

He lifted your chin with his hand and smiled. “Now we can see each other more, angel.”

You swallowed dryly, looking into his eyes and feeling that flame light up inside you once again.

#gojo satoru fanfic #gojo satoru x oc #gojo satoru smut #gojo smut #satoru gojo x reader #gojo x reader #gojo saturo #gojo satoru x reader #gojou satoru x reader #fanfic jjk #jjk x reader #jjk smut #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen #gojo satoru x you

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najaemism · 1 year ago

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we never go out of style!

PAIRING. haechan x fem!oc

CATEGORY. short smau, fluff, crack, humor, celebrity!au, athlete!haechan, singer!reader, strangers to lovers-ish

WARNINGS. language, hyuck being downbad

SYNOPSIS. what happens when one of the famous professional volleyball players of the country publicly shoots his shot at a global popstar? well, she shows up to his game with his mother, of course! [or alternatively: the whole world watches as a popstar and an athlete fall in love.]

STATUS. on going!

NOTE. this is based on the recent… taylor news… hehe 🤭 i know very little about volleyball (everything i know i got from haikyuu tbh) so im sorry in advance 😭 this will just be short, probably around 3-5 parts only! ignore timestamps!

— playlist!

PARTS!

min’s circle | hyuck’s circle

01 : just give him a chance!

02 : meanwhile

03 : quietly hanging out

04 : used to this

05 : ???

TAGLIST. closed.

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neptuneiris · 1 year ago

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sparks (01/04)

My heart is yours It's you that I hold on to

pairing: business-boyfriend!aemond x fem!reader

summary: at the beginning your relationship with aemond is perfect and there were no worries. until he becomes the Heir of his father's company, the most important in the whole country and certain events and certain people start to interfere in the relationship.

word count: 8.6k

next part • series masterlist

AHHH here is another story!

I'm really excited for this one especially since it's angst but in a modern world, which I haven't done since cardigan and gosh what I have prepared for this, you're going to like it a lot or that's what I hope haha.

I look forward to your comments excited, I love responding to each one of them, thank you for your support and for reading, you are amazing beautiful people, enjoy!

warnings: pure angst

You're losing him.

You say to yourself as you read the messages from your boyfriend, Aemond.

You stare emotionlessly at your phone screen for a few more moments as you bite the inside of your cheek, beginning to feel a sharp pain in your chest and disappointment coursing through your body.

With a defeated gesture, you turn off the screen and head to your room, starting to take off your makeup, hairstyle and also the beautiful black dress that you were so excited for Aemond to see you wearing.

You resist the urge to cry at all times, especially when you remove your makeup and look at yourself in the mirror, biting your lips and telling yourself that this is no big deal, that you shouldn't cry.

You know it's not his fault, you know he has work and that keeps him very busy, but it's not the first time this has happened.

Days before he proposes the idea of going to dinner, just you and him, to one of those fine restaurants downtown, telling you he wants to enjoy a luxurious dinner with you, making you get excited and start planning what you will wear and how you will do your makeup and hair.

And when the day comes… his work prevents him from leaving the company building and consumes more of his time.

You understand the great responsibility he carries on his back being the heir to his father's important company, preparing at twenty-three years old to become the next big head and boss by the time comes, but you never thought you would have to spend less time with him every day.

Aemond a year ago graduated with a degree in business management and as soon as he received his college degree, he started working with his father.

You met him because you both have friends in common at the same university even though you study marketing and are a year younger, yet your friends would ask you out to clubs or for drinks and Aemond would join in.

That's when the two of you started talking and getting to know each other better. And as a result of that, eventually he and you started hanging out together until you formalized everything by being in a relationship.

Not too long after that, the two of you decided to live together in an apartment near the university, which you could afford because Aemond has always belonged to a rich family and also because of your half-time job at a coffee shop.

But when Aemond graduated and started working with his father, the whole relationship slowly began to change.

You only talk when he comes home late, asking you how was your day, what did you do and you also ask the same to him, realizing that there is no day where Aemond does not go through stress.

Now you see him less time, in the evening he comes back and you don't even talk much as he feels exhausted, so he takes a shower and goes to sleep.

There are no more times where you go out to the movies, to a fast food restaurant, bowling, for drinks with friends, not even watching movies at home or eating together, be it breakfast, lunch, dinner, nothing.

Even in his days off, he is working in his home office, taking calls and so on, while you miraculously wait for him to have a little break and talk to you, but again... nothing.

That's why right now you don't want to get angry with him, because you know it's not his fault, but still... you can't resist it anymore and the first tears fall down your cheeks and low sobs escape from your throat.

You want to reassure yourself, thinking that you shouldn't cry over this, that it's not that big of a deal, but you can't stop, the tears keep coming and your sobs are the only thing that can be heard all over the room, crying louder at the thought of how much you miss him.

You continue to remove everything from your face in tears, even the hairstyle that took you hours, and then you calm down and put on your sleeping clothes.

You leave your beautiful dress on your comfortable sofa next to the window, deciding to put it properly back in your closet tomorrow, not having any more courage for this day, wanting to lie down on your bed, sleep and nothing else.

You feel sleep take you and you sink into deep darkness, resting. Then you don't know exactly how much time has passed, but a sound makes you slowly open your eyes.

You hear him start to walk softly around the room, trying not to make too much noise, feeling his gaze on you for a few moments.

You hear perfectly the sound of the door to the room and then footsteps entering.

"Love? Are you asleep?"

You hear him ask you in his low but audible and attentive enough tone, but you don't say or do anything to him.

Aemond lets out a long breath as he sees that you are asleep, feeling very tired and just as disappointed as you are, to start taking off his clothes and heading to take a shower.

You continue to lie still, turning your back to him, still pretending to sleep when you know you shouldn't but... you don't want to talk to him about what happened tonight, you don't feel in the mood.

You're tired, disappointed and don't want to get upset with him when it's not his fault, but you won't be able to help it.

And when he returns to the room already with his sleeping clothes on, about to lie down next to you, he briefly inspects the room and feels a pain in his chest when he sees two of your makeup removal towels on your vanity full of it, causing him pity.

It doesn't really take him long even though all the time he thinks about you and how disappointed you must have been, also how sad you must have felt.

But you never bother with him and that's what makes him more frustrated as he fails you once again because you understand him, you always do.

Also when he sees the black dress on the couch, he feels terrible.

Finally he turns his attention to you in bed, turning off the bathroom light and lying down next to you, instantly hugging you gently from behind so as not to wake you up and leaves a soft, tender kiss on your shoulder and others in your hair.

You still continue to pretend, enjoying his touch for a moment, but you again hold back the urge to cry all the time, feeling so good but not enough, as before.

Then Aemond drops his head on the pillow, covers himself with the sheets and finally he is carried away by the sleep, still hugging you.

You bite the inside of your cheek throughout, trying to control yourself so as not to get his attention when you've been doing so well and you close your eyes, wanting to go back to sleep

Yet there in the dark, in the place of you and Aemond, with his arm around you and holding you against him, feeling his soft breath at the base of your neck, you can't help but wonder: what if he's losing me?

You let out a long breath as you finally dare to walk through the huge doors of the big and tall building where Aemond works.

You have been here many times before, this is nothing new to you, however you feel anxious and a bit nervous as you have decided to come here without telling him before.

So you don't know if he is busy in the middle of a meeting or if he is in his office with a pile of papers around.

You are allowed free passage as most of the people here know you for being his girlfriend, so you don't really have any problems and say hello to all the receptionists, secretaries and security guards.

You have decided to come here to bring him his coffee of choice and also food, knowing that his break time starts in exactly ten minutes.

The thing is that he seems to be still working after all so you don't know what he must be doing now.

Once the elevator drops you on the floor where his office is, you instantly greet Eleonor, his assistant.

"It's been a while since I've seen you last, Y/N!"

She says with a loving smile, hugging you tightly and you smile hugging her back, taking care not to let the food and coffee fall out of your hands.

"Oh yeah, I'll tell you," she says pointing to all the paperwork on her desk with an exhausted look, "That man doesn't rest and you should put a limit on him," she says seriously.

"Yeah, I know," you both pull apart and you look at her without wiping your smile, "I've been really busy with college and also Aemond lately has had a lot of work so.... each one is on his own."

"You know how stubborn he is," you tell her as you shake your head in disappointment, "But anyway, I came to bring him food, is he in his office?" you point to his door.

"Oh no, he went to his father's office for some papers, but he should be on his way back by no—

The sound of the elevator makes you both turn your gazes to it, interrupting Eleonor and when the doors open Aemond appears, quickly walking out of there with his gaze fixed on the screen of his phone while in his other hand he holds a folder.

"There he is," Eleonor tells you with a small smile.

You smile back at her and turn your attention to Aemond, who looks so handsome in his office suits, so masculine and powerful, drawing everyone's attention everywhere he goes, adding to that his beautiful long silver hair.

But not only that, his sapphire eye also attracts attention.

He lost his eye in an accident as a child, however, by filling his empty socket with that precious stone, he feels even more powerful, signifying respect and endurance to him, also a form of intimidation as he will become the boss one day.

He also has a prosthetic eye, but that one he wears more when he is with his family or also when he was going to college, although already being at home, he doesn't wear anything.

You see the frustration all over his face at whatever he must be looking at on his phone screen, but when he looks up, everything softens the moment he sees you, a small smile appears on his lips, but also the slight confusion, speeding up his pace towards you a little more.

"Hey baby."

"Hi," you smile softly at him, closing the distance between the two of you.

"What are you doing here?"

He asks you without wiping away his small smile, reaching towards you and instantly leaning down to leave a soft kiss on your lips which you reciprocate, smiling.

"I came to bring you your black coffee and food too," you point to everything in your hands, proudly.

"But don't you have classes?" he asks you confused, watching everything and also you, attentive.

"In two hours"

"Oh thank you, my sweet girl," he leaves another soft kiss on your lips, taking the coffee first as he sets the papers down on Eleonor's desk to take a sip, "Uff, I needed that."

"Yeah," you let out a small laugh, "It's your lunch hour, isn't it?"

"It's supposed to be," he tells you as the frustration returns to his face and so does his bad mood, "I have an important meeting in five minutes, I just got word," he points to the boardroom with his gaze, taking another sip of his coffee.

"Oh," disappointment again washes over you, as you had hoped this wouldn't happen, "I was hoping to spend some time with you," you tell him trying not to sound as sad as you really are.

And he lets out a long breath, turning his expression of pity and concern.

"I know love," he tells you as he rests his forehead with yours, looking at you sadly and as if asking for forgiveness, "You know if I could do anything—

"No, no, I know, it's okay babe," you assure him, interrupting him, "Then I won't stop you anymore if you have to work."

You smile softly at him, though it doesn't quite reach your eyes and then take the topper where his food is, as Aemond watches you intently and even sadly.

"I'll leave this in your office until you can eat, then I'll leave."

"Wait," he stops you in a soft voice, pulling you back towards him as he takes your arm, "Y/N, about last night—

"Mr. Targaryen!"

Suddenly a female voice interrupts him and also the moment, making you both focus behind him, where a tall woman with long black hair, red dress and black high heels approaches with a rather elegant and calculated way of walking, with a huge smile on her lips.

Aemond watches you back and stands next to you as he intertwines his fingers with yours and clears his throat, turning back to watch her.

"Miss Rivers," he nods politely towards her.

"It is a pleasure to see you on this day, Mr. Targaryen," she nods her head towards him as well, placing herself in front of you both.

"It is also a pleasure."

You watch Aemond for a second and then turn your gaze to her, watching as she also watches you at about the same time and that's when he reacts.

"Love, this is Alys Rivers, co-owner of the Riverlands company," he tells you and points to you with his hand, "And Miss Rivers, this is Y/N Y/L/N, my girlfriend."

You usually meet a lot of people who are also involved in all this business management stuff because of Aemond, especially when he takes you with him to important events and dinners as his companion, so this isn't new either.

What is new is this woman... Alys Rivers.

Normally she would have been just another woman who owns a company and is doing business with Aemond for her father's company, but the way she subtly inspects you up and down, and you notice the way she looks at your joined hand with Aemond.... you don't like it.

She looks at you superiorly and as if you're no big deal, almost expectantly, her bright smile from before disappearing for a second, but then she holds out her hand to you.

"Oh sure, it is a pleasure to meet you," she says to you with the brighter smile from before, but completely fake.

You bite the inside of your cheek and since you shouldn't be rude, much less to what you think is Aemond's new partner and company, you take her hand and shake it briefly.

"A pleasure," you nod in her direction.

"We're discussing a contract," Aemond then tells you, leaning his body toward you.

"Oh really? That sounds—

"Actually, speaking of discussions," she interrupts you, catching both of your attention, "I'm sorry but could I steal your boyfriend for a moment?"

She asks you suddenly, her tone too high and mellow, completely fake, without erasing her smile, revealing her perfect, aligned teeth.

"I really don't mean to intrude," she says with a sorrow look, but you don't believe her at all, "It's just that I'm afraid your grandfather and also my uncle are already expecting us Mr. Targaryen," she turns to Aemond to focus on you again, "I'm sure you'll understand, business stuff."

Of course you understand, you know Aemond's job perfectly well and in fact you wouldn't have taken any more notice of this woman despite the fake way she acts towards you and also because of the way she looked at you before.

But... you care very much the moment she places her hand on Aemond's shoulder, exposing her perfect red painted nails.

"Shall we?" she asks him as she watches him with a certain gleam in her eyes and gaze, completely attentive and in his disposition.

Of course Aemond notices this too, who almost instantly watches as she touches him, not understanding what has happened to her to casually make such a gesture or rather what has she thought to take such a liberty, then subtly walking away from her, trying not to look annoyed.

"I'll be there in a moment," he tells her just as polite and serious as before.

But she is insistent.

"I'm sorry Mr. Targaryen but we must leave now."

"Don't worry, I'm sure my grandfather can speak in my absence."

The smile fades from her lips, but you see how she quickly pulls herself together, although you've had enough of this and you don't want to delay Aemond any longer even though you don't like this woman at all, but at least they won't be alone and there are more people involved in the meeting.

And before she speaks, you do, addressing him.

"Don't worry love, I'll be on my way," you smile at him, "I don't want to delay you any longer. But I'll see you tonight, okay?"

And this immediately gets his attention.

"Do you need someone to drive you? I can tell Cole."

"No, no need, it's fine," you assure him, "You eat this, okay?"

You point to the food then extend it to Eleonor, as he smiles softly.

"Okay."

"Have a good day, love you."

"You too, love you."

You leave a soft kiss on his lips and finally head to the elevator, feeling the piercing gaze of Alys Rivers, but you don't mind, since at least you weren't the fake one the whole time.

After you leave the building and head to the university, your day goes by slow, stressful and with a lot to do, until finally your class ends at almost nine o'clock at night and you head home completely exhausted.

Normally Aemond comes home at ten o'clock at night, however, you don't know why you were hoping that maybe he had come home earlier, however, when you get to the apartment everything is dark.

You let out a long breath and turn on the lights, wishing and hoping that Aemond was already here and that just for one night, he would be the one to welcome you home.

You've thought about bringing up the subject of how you should spend more time with him, how he could maybe organize his work schedule better, how you've been feeling lately and how you misses him, telling him that nothing feels like it used to.

So the days and weeks go by, nothing has changed, you are still working half days, you are still going to classes, doing projects, research and so on.

While Aemond is still working very hard at the company, both of you seeing each other until late at night when he finishes another long and stressful day at work.

However, the words get stuck in your throat as you see him coming home from work very tired, deciding it's best to let him rest and sleep.

But more and more you feel the disappointment and sadness envelop you, having to deal with it yourself because you don't want to upset him.

Then one day, everything starts to go wrong.

In the middle of your Sales and Negotiation class, suddenly your phone vibrates and while listening attentively to your professor, you briefly glance at the screen for a second, seeing that it's a message from Floris, a friend you and Aemond have in common.

She apparently sends you a link to a magazine article that you can't really read unless you open the chat, and then you see two more messages from her.

[Floris B]: you saw this??

[Floris B]: ????

This definitely gets your attention, but before you can do anything, your professor draws more attention from everyone in the class and you go back to being attentive, hoping none of it was a bad thing.

However, an hour after class ends, you finally leave the classroom and start walking down the hallway in the direction of your next class with your phone in hand, opening the curious magazine link and what pops up... it's definitely bad.

With your thumb you read more of the whole news, where yes there are pictures of Aemond with that woman in a restaurant, just the two of them, him in his office clothes and her in an elegant dress.

You feel your breathing getting heavier as you see more pictures, where there is one in particular where you see how she has her hand on top of his, they are both obviously talking but there are also papers and folders on the table.

Again you feel that sharp pain in your chest, not wanting to jump to conclusions so fast, you trust Aemond with your life but clearly you don't trust her.

What you don't understand is why they went to a restaurant together. If they have talked business, which in fact there is no other reason why the two of them would be together, why not take care of it at the office?

You enter Safari and as you google Aemond, you see the same magazine article everywhere, instantly more magazines and newspapers advertising the same thing, all about a possible relationship between him and Alys Rivers.

You let out a long breath and finally head to your class, trying not to think about it anymore, but as the minutes tick by... you can't.

In all your remaining classes you find it hard to concentrate, you feel an uncertainty and anxiety all the time, you feel really bad and you have no idea what will happen when Aemond and you see each other tonight.

Not only Floris messages you, but also other friends that you and Aemond have in common, but you don't respond to them, only making you feel more anxious that the news is spreading fast.

Until finally you can go home and having no other choice, you wait for Aemond to arrive.

You pour yourself a glass of wine, unable to help it and wait for Aemond at the kitchen island, drinking and having the hope that this, that woman, is no threat and that what happened just happened inside the business and will not happen anymore.

Or at least it won't happen anymore in the sense that Aemond won't show up with her publicly anymore to avoid the press making speculations like this, that whether you want it to or not, they affect you and a lot.

You really don't know what is going on with Aemond in the company, you don't know what he talks about with his grandfather, his father, his mother and this woman, you don't know about his negotiations, his work and that's why it affects you, because you don't know what is happening.

Everything would be simpler if he and you had the time to talk, to share what you do, what you should do, as before.

However... you have the suspicion that this is not only in Aemond's hands, but that it is something beyond, something this woman is in control of and you don't like it at all, not since you met her and she gave you a bad feeling.

And you finally let out all the air you're holding in when you hear the sound of the door.

You continue sitting still on the stool, with the glass of wine in your hands, waiting. When again you hear the sound of the door closing and the figure of Aemond appearing, instantly he sees you.

He lets out a long breath as it finally becomes clear to him that you saw the news, he knew it before when he too saw the article in his office and officially started his stressful and frustrating day, but he didn't think it would affect you so much.

He leaves his keys on the island and then takes off his jacket with a silence enveloping you both, where he watches you attentively but you don't look back at him, still deep in thought, taking another sip of your wine.

He sees your dull look, the anxiety all over your body, the uncertainty, the sadness, the stress and he bets that your treacherous thoughts are making you believe things that are not.

He also notices how bad you must feel and how tense and distant you are from him now, and that worries him more than anything else.

"Nothing happened between me and this woman, Y/N."

Then he decides to speak, not bearing this anymore, your silence, your attitude, your distance. He just wants to hold you, hug you and kiss you, which is all he wants every time he finishes another horrible day at work.

He tells you tactfully, his voice soft and honest, firm with what he's saying, taking a couple of steps toward you, to which you continue without looking at him.

"I just want to know why you went to that restaurant together," you tell him in your voice just as soft as his, almost even sounding tired.

And he knows you too well, however, because this news is practically everywhere, being the first time you both face something like this, you remain calm and willing to talk.

And this strangely confuses and surprises him.

Although it shouldn't since he knows that you never get angry with him, at least not in this kind of situations since from the beginning of the relationship, communication has always been paramount before jumping to your own conclusions, avoiding fights.

And this gives him a bit of confidence to move closer to you.

"I just thought it would be better to take care of some business in public," he tells you honestly, "I know you didn't like her when you met her, neither did I. I also know she started to cross physical boundaries and I didn't like the idea of being with her alone in my office, that's why I decided on a public place out of respect for you," he explains, "I should have known this would happen though," he says bitterly,

Nothing.

You say nothing. You just listen and think.

You still don't like that he's having encounters with this woman, but if he has to do it for company business, you're not going to have an argument with him when it's just work.

And your silence begins to unsettle and frustrate him.

"You believe me, don't you?" he asks you insistently, concerned.

"Of course I do," you tell him in a murmur, without much emotion, though honestly, watching him out of the corner of your eye.

You almost snort in disbelief, of course you believe him.

Only you know when Aemond is being honest or not and you are relieved that he is always thinking of you, but he is not the problem, it's his job and this woman, that's what doesn't leave you alone.

But Aemond doesn't feel reassured just hearing that from you.

You take the last sip of your wine glass and get up from the stool to head to the dishwasher, saying nothing more, then start heading for the bedroom, causing Aemond to become more concerned and insistent.

"Where are you going?"

"I want to sleep."

He lets out a sigh as he averts his gaze for a second.

"Come on Y/N, don't be like that," he looks at you sadly.

"I'm not doing anything," you tell him, walking past him.

"You haven't even looked me in the eye since I arrived," he insists, stopping you.

"Aemond..." you finally give him a look, "I'm tired."

"Me too but I want to fix this," he says immediately.

"No, I'm tired... of everything," you clarify, serious and also sad.

He looks at you without understanding.

"What do you mean? I already explained to you—

"No, it's not just her, it's... your work and us."

You say more specifically, causing more confusion from Aemond, who watches you with furrowed brows and parted lips, attentive.

"I've wished for just one, one day where we can spend time together," you confess to him, "I don't mean fifteen, twenty minutes, I mean the whole afternoon or evening, or a day where on your days off you're not cooped up in your office."

"Y/N, I-I—

"I know you have a lot of work, I understand that," you clarify, "I don't want to harass you with this too when you have more important things to take care of, truly—

"Do you think you're not important?" he asks instantly confused, bewildered.

And you... don't really answer him.

You stay completely silent, just watching him back and nothing else with an equally sad look, to which Aemond's face becomes more worried and confused than before.

"Y/N, you are one of my priorities," he tells you hurt, "How come you don't believe that now?"

"Yes I do," you clarify sadly, "What I'm saying is that you barely have time for me and I know it's not your fault because I know your job, but..." you let out a long breath, "Not even a single day have we been able to spend together, not a single one."

He instantly tries to speak, opening his mouth to say something, but immediately closes it and struggles to be able to find the right words he wants to say, getting frustrated with himself.

He really doesn't want to tell you again what you've heard before, but he can't find another explanation because that's the only truth.

He shakes his head, letting his sentence hang in the air, watching you with sorrow, sadness and worry, failing to say anything else, as you feel tears begin to form in your eyes, your vision blurring.

"Y/N, I-I...," he looks sad, "I swear to you, if I could do anything, I would, but...

You press your lips together as you don't want to start crying in front of him, you really don't want him to see you like this, but you can't control it and in an instant the tears fall freely down your cheeks as you avert your defeated gaze from Aemond.

"No, no, please don't cry, my love."

He tells you instantly more concerned than before and you quickly bring your hands up to cover your face, completely embarrassed and trying to control yourself.

But you can't as he quickly encloses you in his arms and pulls you into his body in a protective, comforting way, while at the same time leaving soft kisses in your hair, stroking your back gently with one of his large, firm hands.

"Shh, my sweet girl," he says softly and warmly above your head, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

You instantly hug him back too and sink your face deeper into his chest, sniffling your nose and controlling your sobs, really not wanting to cry anymore.

You missed this, completely. You just wish this wasn't happening under these circumstances.

"It's just that I miss you so much," you confess, clinging tighter to him.

And Aemond's heart breaks into pieces, instantly pulling you tighter against him, hating to see you in this state, hating to see you crying and even worse.... that you're crying for him.

"I miss you too baby, all the time," he says softly, "I miss you so much it fucking hurts."

He instantly leaves more soft kisses in your hair, also on your cheek, holding you tighter against him, while you let yourself be held in his arms and continue to cling against him, not wanting to let go and feeling that if you pull away, he will disappear at any moment right in front of you.

But it's only because you're vulnerable.

You don't know how long you both last like that, it must have only been a minute, but it feels like an eternity for both of you, especially for you, finally starting to calm down.

"I'm sorry," you say in a whisper and try to pull away from him a little, lifting one of your hands to wipe away your tears, "I didn't mean to get like this," you confess sadly, "I shouldn't be selfish."

"Hey, no, look at me."

He says in soft tone, placing one of his hands on your chin to lift your face towards him and you do so, watching him with sadness and embarrassment at the same time, as he gently shakes his head in your direction.

"No, it's not like that, you've just been busy having to attend to your wor—

"You're not selfish love," he makes it clear to you, "You're absolutely right. I've been neglecting you and that's not right of me."

"It's still not right," he insists, concerned, "And to be honest, if I were you I'd feel the same way," he confesses, "But I promise I'll do everything in my power to spend time with you, baby."

You shake your head in his direction.

"There are some things you can't control, Aemond."

"No matter, I miss you too, I want to spend time with you and I'll make sure of that."

You close your eyes and bring your forehead to his, both of you sinking into a comforting silence and a moment you haven't had in a long time, where it's just him and you.

He assures you softly and the two of you say nothing more, just stare into each other's eyes for a few moments.

Then he begins to gently trace your cheek with his thumb, attentively and delicately, watching you lovingly, as if he wants to memorize every detail of your face in his mind.

"My beautiful girl," Aemond murmurs fondly, in a low, soft tone.

You smile slightly and lean your face down to kiss his lips, he instantly reciprocates, holding your waist tighter against him as you place your arms around his neck and take complete refuge in him, needing this.

Aemond holds his hand more firmly on your cheek and deepens the kiss, working his way across your lips with his tongue, beginning to explore your mouth and you respond in kind in a slow, deep kiss.

Then you both part with a wet sound of your lips, you again embracing him and sinking your face into his neck, inhaling his cologne that drives you completely crazy and the fresh scent of detergent on his clothes that at the same time comforts you.

And finally everything feels right.

You there in Aemond's arms, this being exactly what you needed along with communication.

However, as the seconds pass with Aemond still holding you and both of you in that comfortable silence, he can't help but begin to feel guilty and remorseful.

At first he thought about not talking to you about this subject, solely so that you wouldn't worry and feel bad because of him, but now that you both have spoken... he can't keep something like this from you and he knows it's the ideal time.

"Love?"

He calls you softly, catching your attention, still both of you clinging in the embrace and the feel of each other's body with each other close.

"Hm?" you murmur, sending a vibration through his chest.

He presses his lips together for a moment, nervous, but no longer able to bear that another minute passes and you still don't know about this.

"There's something... I haven't told you."

And this definitely gets your attention more.

You slowly turn away from his body, instantly Aemond hating the feeling, then raise your gaze to him, watching him intently and all at once realizing that it's not something you'd like to hear.

You know it by the nervous, worried look he's giving you as you both again look at each other.

"What is it?"

He lets out a long breath, looking away from you for a moment, again having this difficulty being able to say the words he wants to say, wanting to explain everything to you gently, thoughtfully and clearly.

"Y/N... I-I... none of this has really been my decision," he tells you honestly, "But... I'm afraid you'll keep seeing me around this woman."

And it's definitely something you didn't like to hear.

Aemond waits attentively for your reaction, while you continue to watch him intently, your lips parted, a little confused, but neutral, this really not bothering you... yet.

"It's all for work Y/N, I know you know that but I don't want you to think otherwise if another news like this happens again," he tells you cautiously and attentively.

"So you'll go out with her again?"

He lets out a long breath.

"The company needs to associate with hers for our investment in an extra capital, since the attempted association with the Martells didn't work out and my grandfather...he asked me to take it over."

You lower your gaze for a moment, pursing your lips, processing the information, understanding perfectly well that this is solely for work and nothing else, but still... you don't like this woman at all.

"But I can keep Eleonor or Criston around if it's not to your liking," he tells you instantly, turning your gaze back to him, "I've even already taken care with our publicists to deny the rumor by saying it's all work between her and me, also we'll already be prepared in case this happens again."

"Aemond, I understand all of this perfectly," you clarify, assuring him with your tone and look, "I totally trust you but... it's her I don't trust and I don't like the way she behaves when she's around you."

He swallows hard, lowering his gaze for a moment, thinking very carefully about the words he will tactfully say to you next, not wanting to upset you.

"Also... my grandfather has suggested that perhaps it would be good and more efficient for us to partner with Riverlands sooner if I will begin to have an... intimate... relationship with her."

You feel a huge sharp pain in your chest, watching in mild surprise at Aemond, definitely not expecting that.

The silence surrounding you both only increases the pain inside you more, the sadness clinging to your heart, as you lower your gaze and part your lips, having your gaze wander to an invisible spot on the ground.

Tears begin to want to flow from your eyes, again, unable to control your overwhelming emotions any longer. As he instantly sees the sadness all over your face, the disbelief as well, beginning to worry you more.

"Of course I told him no, Y/N."

He tells you instantly, anguished and worried, taking your hands in his, but you don't react, at least not yet.

"He wants the media to start making publicity about the two of us, he thinks it will make the whole process easier and faster, that Rivers will be pleased along with her uncle. Even she...she's come on to me before but, but believe me Y/N, I have stopped her and been very clear with her about you and that I'm not the least bit interested."

"But she is interested in you," you tell her in your low, sad tone of voice, "And you won't be able to do much about it if you have to get yourself associated with her company. You'll have to keep seeing her, be in her company and be accessible to her if you want to make it."

"This shouldn't take me too long, love, I promise," he continues to tell you worriedly, wanting to make you understand, "Yes, you will see me with her but I also promise you that everything for me means work."

"But for her and your grandfather it's not only work, Aemond," you tell him a little more serious, just as sad, "She also wants to have you the other way, that's why she behaved with me the way she behaved when she met me."

You know that, totally.

"I know baby, I know," he tells you softly, "But I will never let her disrespect you, in any way."

He assures you firmly, determined.

"I don't care what my grandfather or her wants, neither what the press says about her and me, all I care about is that you understand that everything for me is work and that I would never do anything to hurt you and end everything between us, believe me that's the last thing I want," he tells you honestly, "And I also want you to keep in mind that I only want you."

You know that Aemond wants you, just the same way you want him and he loves you too, you both love each other, you love him with every fiber of your heart.

But it is all this that does not leave you calm, this is what you have never had to go through before and the insecurity along with the uncertainty consumes you as your mind is spinning non-stop, not even having the idea of what to think, with a knot forming in your stomach.

It all becomes more overwhelming and you don't know if you can get through this together, fearing for the future of the perfect relationship you had with him, the man you love.

And Aemond seeing this, just as worried, anxious and sad as you, not liking this at all either, knowing that he is asking too much of you seeing that you are thinking too fast, all the anxiety and stress through your body, instantly comes back to hug you to comfort you.

But he also does it to comfort himself.

His warm embrace feels like a safe haven in the midst of the moment you are going through, his arms wrapping around you gently but with a strength that makes you feel protected and loved, where you find comfort and his familiar fragrance makes you feel at home.

You experience the love and that connection of the two of you that seem to erase any worry or sadness you feel at that moment, also him, finding that primordial emotional support.

"I promise I will do everything in my power to make this all end soon, I promise love."

He assures you along with his gentle caresses on your back, his soothing words whispered in your ear making the outside world disappear and only the two of you exist, united in a loving embrace that makes you feel complete and loved.

And they also make you feel a sense of calm and hope that with your boyfriend's love and support, everything will be okay.

But neither of you knew what awaited you next.

After your conversation with Aemond, there really isn't much change in the relationship.

You tried your best not to think about him and that woman, you tried not to think about the fact that she was probably in the building at a certain time and that the two of them were together, being a thing almost every day that Aemond had to be in her company.

Your job at the coffe shop helped you not to overthink and focus almost one hundred percent on your classes, although in some free hours you had your boyfriend was in your thoughts.

What fortunately changed was that when your classes were over and you got home, he was already there waiting for you, the first night surprising you and making you feel completely happy.

You both were able to enjoy sharing an extended night together, having dinner, talking about everything and finally going to bed, you have also resumed some movie nights and also the nights of intimacy have been more constant.

But other than that... everything remains the same.

You and he haven't really talked about Rivers, you don't bring it up every time the magazines announce that he and she have been seen together again, clearly because the subject has already been discussed, but still, it makes you feel weird and you really don't like seeing those articles.

But you find it exhaustive that you have to talk it over with him again, so exhaustive for both him and you, that you don't want the two of you to end up having a fight afterwards.

So until now... you can just deal with it.

Until one day in a free hour before your last two-hour class starts, when you have your phone in your hand you get a new message and when you read it, it's from Aemond's sister, Helaena.

Hel🦋: hello beautiful!

Hel🦋: omg it has been ages

Hel🦋: I'm sure the event will be less boring with you🤭

Hel🦋: I am so excited to finally see you again on Saturday

Hel🦋: see you soon!

The messages make you smile and make you start to feel a warmth run through your chest, you too have been missing Hel for a while now as she works at Highgarden as well in a company expansion on her father's.

You haven't seen her for months and clearly communication by message doesn't happen much as both of you, especially her, are just as busy as Aemond.

But the smile doesn't last long on your face as you had no idea about this event, since you know what event it is, only that Aemond hasn't told you about it.

They are one of the typical important events where all the relevant businessmen attend, where they announce new innovations, where they make partners and where basically everyone allies with everyone.

When you get home, this time you are the one who arrives first and although you tried to control yourself by not asking him anything right away, you can't hold back anymore and that's what you do after he gets home from work.

Since you and Aemond started your relationship, you have always accompanied him to these events.

And especially at this one, since it's organized by his family, but you didn't know it would certainly happen because he didn't tell you anything.

And honestly he looks surprised when you ask him why he hadn't told you about the event, not expecting that, this getting your attention and instantly you know the reason isn't good and you're not going to like hearing it.

"I did wanted to tell you because I know we always go together, love" he says to you with some regret, "But now Rivers will be there an—

"You're going with her?"

You just ask him, all starting to form in your mind, while he doesn't say anything back right away and just stares at you uncertainly for a few moments and the realization starts to become more apparent to you.

"Your grandfather told you to take her as your companion?" you ask him more specifically now, watching him intently, waiting for his answer.

And you begin to see perfectly well how he starts to get frustrated.

"Yes but I told him I wouldn't do that," he clarifies instantly, looking at you worried and honest, "That's why I decided better to go on my own if everyone will be there."

You frown slightly at him.

"And what's wrong with me going with you?"

He doesn't answer, watches you for a few moments still with sorrow in his gaze, then lowers his head, staring at the ground as he lets out a long breath and runs a hand over his face.

Then you answer your own question, understanding him.

"You don't want to take me because everyone will be there and your grandfather won't be pleased to see me with you when you should have taken her with you?"

"Love, listen," he tells you immediately, walking towards you, "It's more than that, okay?" he says attentively and distressed, "I just thought that it wouldn't be comfortable for you to go with me to that place if she will be there—

"Everyone is talking about her and you," you tell him with your most serious tone, interrupting him, "Everyone will expect her and you to go together and of course your grandfather won't be happy to see me coming with you, why don't you tell me that?"

"Okay, yes, you are right, but I don't want to go with her, I want to go with you, I have always gone with you," he says in clarification, "But on this occasion I don't think it will be necessary, besides it won't be comfortable for you."

You let out a snort.

"Do you think I won't be able to handle it?"

"No, I mean, of course you can," he tells you instantly, "But you know her, she's very reckless and I don't want us to have a fight after that."

"Then do we put a limit on her, like you have done all this time with her or not?" you ask expectantly.

"Yes, of course I have put limits on her, but in that place..." he pauses, frustrated, "There will be a lot of people, our partners, my family and the press will always be watching, everything will be three times too much. Besides I'll have to attend an announcement along with her and all eyes will be on her and me and I don't want you to feel bad."

You let out a breath, turning your gaze away from him, feeling discomfort in your body, starting to walk away from him to go to your room.

"Okay, I get it, you don't want me to go with you, just say so."

And he reacts instantly.

"Hey, no, no, no, I didn't say that," he says worriedly, stopping you and placing himself in front of you, looking at you pleadingly, "Baby, please."

You let out a long breath, closing your eyes for a moment.

"It's just that you're treating me like I don't know this... your whole world, like I haven't gone to these events with you before," you tell him sadly, "Your grandfather knows we're together and yet he's asking you for this kind of thing... like as if I were a nuisance and at the same time like if I don't exist. And it's been like that ever since she—

You stop, not wanting to say anything else, feeling the lump in your throat and how tears begin to form in your eyes, bringing your hands instantly to your face, not wanting to cry now and feel bad, telling yourself that you're overreacting.

But all of this is really how you feel and you can't help it. And mostly you don't want to show your true feelings or speak your thoughts so as not to overwhelm him.

But just as you understand him, he understands you too.

"Fuck no, please don't cry baby, I hate to see you cry."

He tells you to then wrap you in a warm, firm embrace, holding you tight against his chest where he instantly feels all the tension through your body and pulls you tighter against him, wanting to protect you from everything that hurts you at that moment.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, love."

He tells you in low murmurs as he gently strokes your hair and you let out more of your tears, clinging completely to him.

"No, it's not your fault," you tell him sadly, sobbing softly against his chest.

He lets out a sigh.

"Yes it is," he says softly, "You don't deserve any of this."

He leaves a soft kiss in your hair, still hugging you and having no intention of letting you go, while you let yourself be carried away by the comforting warmth of his body, wanting to keep feeling that familiarity and security that only he can give you, in spite of everything.

"I know things have been hard lately and I'm so sorry, but... I love you and I care about you, you mean the whole world to me."

"I know babe," you murmur back, "I love you too and I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get like this."

"No, no, it's okay love," he assures you, "We're going to get through this, just like we always have, remember?"

You nod your head even though you have it resting against his chest, then sniffle your nose and raise one of your hands to wipe away your tears, as he pulls away from you a little so he can look into your eyes and leave a soft kiss on your lips which you instantly reciprocate, again taking refuge in his arms.

Both of you at that moment feel vulnerable and lost for a moment in the uncertainty of the situation, but you knew you had to face whatever it was together.

Aemond feels in control of the relationship, but you feel more at a crossroads because of the uncertain future of the relationship itself.

#aemond targaryen #aemond targaryen fanfic #aemond targaryen x reader #aemond targaryen x y/n #aemond targaryen x you #aemond x fem!reader #aemond x oc #aemond x reader #aemond fanfiction #hotd aemond

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sociopathicartist · 4 months ago

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hii! :) i had an idea for a quick oneshot, maybe how (classic) sans told the reader that he liked them? or maybe their first date? love your writing btw!

thank you for requesting! i had fun writing this, i haven't written too many confession scenes before. sorry it took 4ever to come out, i was battling for a while on this because i felt like it was flowing very choppy, but i wanted to get it out for you guys to read so i’ve swallowed my pride and returned with this. thanks for reading ! :3

Bzzt.

Bzzzt.

…

Bzzzzzt.

You groaned and snatched your phone off your bedsheets, waking up to the constant buzzing of your phone going off. Who in the world was blowing up your messages?

Oh. Sans.

13:01 - still on for today?

13:02 - if not its ok we can just watch movies

13:04 - orrrrr we dont have 2 hang if its too exhausting

13:10 - m just gonna dress causal for tonight

13:12 - are u alive ?

You sighed as you read through the messages, your hand that wasn’t holding your phone going to rub the tiredness out of your eyes and drag down your face. Typically you weren’t a big fan of taking naps, but you had woken up early today, so about an hour ago you decided it would be a good idea to catch some extra rest while you could before you went out with Sans today.

Turns out your nap didn’t last long. You and Sans had hung out plenty of times before, why was he suddenly blowing up your phone so much in a panic about hanging out?

Your thumbs went onto the keypad of your phone as you typed out a quick response to him.

Y/N - 13:15 - Sorry, took a nap. Yes, I’m still on to hang out tonight and will match the casual dress code.

His answer didn’t take long to reach back to you.

13:15 - great, i’ll grab you when it’s time. see ya.

Usually, you would have texted goodbye or chatted a bit more, but you were still tired from just waking up, so instead you just turned off your phone and rolled onto your side. Guess it was time to get up.

You sat up in bed before sliding out and standing up straight, stretching your arms out above your head as your feet started to lug you over to the bathroom to start getting ready. You opened up one of your drawers under the sink cabinet and grabbed your hairbrush, starting to brush through your locks of hair as you let your thoughts carry your mind.

Just a few days ago you had been at the infamous house of your skeleton friends, hanging out with the whole group for an anime night. The anime that Alpyhs and Undyne had gotten everyone hooked on came out with a new season, so everyone was gathered for the night with snacks and comfortable pyjamas to binge the new season all in one sitting.

It was great.

It had been great, just like every other hangout.

But since the space was a bit cramped for everyone, all of you were kind of budged together in front of the TV.

Toriel and Papyrus on the couch with you, Papyrus next to your side. Alphys and Undyne sitting on the floor in front of the couch, swaddled in blankets and cuddling each other while Asgore sat next to Undyne by the side of the couch so that his statuesque figure wouldn’t block the TV. Sans was coming back from the kitchen with some more popcorn since he had eaten through all of his (the chunk), and you had honestly been expecting him to also come to sit down on the floor in front of you since all the space on the couch was taken. It would have been funny, that way you could have kicked his back with your feet or teasingly poked at him as you both did to each other.

But instead, he came back and somehow wedged himself between you and Papyrus with a small ‘scoot over’ and his side was snug against yours, your arms together and your knees touching.

The contact was weird to you for some reason, and you were convinced that if the room wasn’t dark save for the illuminating glow of the TV, you most likely would have been caught with a blush around your face.

“i grabbed you some popcorn. take it before i scarf it down.” Sans’ voice whispered softly to you, and you glanced down at him to see his big eyelights meeting your gaze.

You showed a thankful smile to him, taking the bowl of popcorn out of his cold hands and setting it on your lap. “Thank you, Sans.”

Naturally, you focused back on the TV, trying to watch what was happening now. This seemed like an important episode, heaven forbid you miss something.

Your feelings had different plans though. Your stomach knotted a bit, and suddenly your popcorn wasn’t as appetizing. Why did you feel like this? Was it because of Sans? It wasn’t like the two of you hadn’t brushed up close before or anything, he took naps leaning on you all the time, and you guys hugged every time you saw each other to say hello and goodbye. So why did it feel so weird to feel his femur pressed against your thigh?

You had been trying to mentally scan through all of the possible options, perhaps the food, or maybe the anxiety of the anime.

Even as you tried to sort through all the different possibilities, you knew what it really was. You knew that you were avoiding the possibility of having worked up feelings for Sans.

It wasn’t like you could stop yourself from feeling them. The two of you had just hung out so many times, seeing eachother almost three times a week if not more, and always calling when you weren’t hanging out. Not to mention that he was funny, remembered things about you, and overall was just a fun person to be around.

Who wouldn’t fall for someone like that?

It wasn’t like you were going to cook your entire friendship by saying something to him about it, even though you knew he wouldn’t stop being friends with you over something like that, and would probably joke about it a year or so after, but you just didn’t want that to happen. You wanted to maintain your dignity.

After accumulating your thoughts for a long time, you hear the familiar voice whisper to you again.

“wanna hang out on tuesday?”

So here you were, finished brushing your hair and now just doing touch-ups to your looks as felt needed as you did almost anytime before going out. You were just going to Grillbys, planning on eating, talking, and most likely going back home after several drinks of the estranged monster's alcoholic shots with pretty colors and fun swirls that you loved. It was the only alcohol that didn’t give you any headaches or hangovers, most likely because it dissolved into energy with a bit of spunk rather than going throughout your body and poisoning your liver.

You finished up in the bathroom and rushed over to your bedroom to get changed, picking out a more casual but still visually appealing outfit to wear this evening, and as you were pulling your shirt down over your head, you heard the doorbell ring.

Great, you weren’t even done dressing yet and you were left in your underwear and a shirt gripping to your arms and barely pulled down over your head. Napping the time away earlier wasn’t the best idea.

“Just come in! I’m getting dressed!” Your voice called out across the house, and you knew that Sans heard you when you heard the door open and close.

You quickly tugged on your other clothes and slipped on your shoes before skittering out of your bedroom to go greet Sans in the entryway.

Immediately your eyes went to his appearance, seeing that he had on black cargo pants and a sea-foam green T-shirt, something you’ve literally never seen him wear before.

You didn’t hug him this time as a greeting, instead just staring a bit awkwardly as you kept your hands down by your sides. “What’s up with the sudden outfit breakout? Did Papyrus finally make you get some new clothes?”

Sans snorted a bit unpleasantly before glancing off to the side, shoving his hands in his pockets. “nah. these were just sitting in the back of my closet untouched, figured i might as well break them out for the occasion.”

“The occasion?” You cocked your head to the left just a bit.

“the occasion,” Sans repeated, but did not elaborate any further.

“Well…” You started again, choosing to speak your thoughts. “You look really great.”

Sans’ permanent smile twinged up just a tad bit, something you wouldn’t notice if you weren’t trying to spot it. “thanks. you ready to go?”

He took one of his hands out from his pant pockets, holding it out to you with the expectation of you taking hold of it.

So, you did, and with the blink of an eye and a bit of a sinking feeling before landing back on solid ground, you were outside the door to Grillbys.

You grinned as you let go of his hand and pushed open the door for him. “Ladies first.”

He rolled his pinpricks as he walked in, making sure that you followed in behind him.

“Hey, Sans! Back already?”

“Saaannss! Didn’t think you’d show up tonight!”

“Welcome back, Sans. Taking care of Y/N?”

You had begun to become a bit recognized at Grillbys since you tended to show up here with Sans all the time, and it was a bit odd having people recognize you, but you slowly found yourself recognizing them and remembering their names and faces.

Sans ushered you to sit down at the bar next to him, and you greeted Grillby before Sans immediately rattled off the order of two baskets of fries, one for each of you, the same thing you both always got.

“gonna drink anything tonight?” Sans questioned, his low and appealing voice ringing softly in your ears.

Should you? You shrugged, glancing down at him and taking in the familiar face once more. “Maybe, I’m not sure. Depends on how good our conversation goes.”

Sans must have taken that as a challenge to keep you entertained, because when he wasn’t cracking jokes to you for the next 15 minutes, he was busy trying to airplane one of his fries over to you for you to eat, or was bringing up stupid would you rather questions.

“hmmm… let me think… would you rather have no eyelashes for a year…. or be bald for a year?”

Pssh, easy.

“No eyelashes, obviously.” You told Sans, swirling your fries in ketchup before taking a bite. “I can wear falsies and nobody would ever know. Wigs are a lot more expensive than eyelashes.”

Sans hummed as he listened to your reasoning, tapping his phalanges on the countertop of the bar. “i guess. but who knows? maybe you’d be really hot bald.”

“No way.” You snarked, shaking your head with a small smile on your lips and watching as Grillby set out a shot for you.

The alcohol was pink, and it had a lighter, almost glittery substance in it that was swirling around and made your drink look even more appealing. You traced your pointer finger around the rim of your shot glass, eyeing your drink for a few moments before looking to Sans who was staring at you like normal. You didn’t think too much of it since it was so common.

“Are you sure you’re not gonna drink anything?” You questioned, feeling a bit bad for letting yourself get tipsy when he was just sitting there scarfing down fries.

Sans shook his skull, giving a small shrug. “nah. i want to be sober tonight.”

Hm. Well, you weren’t going to hate on that, there was nothing wrong with wanting to be sober, but you did enjoy seeing him be a bit more goofy and delusional when he was under the influence. You picked up your shot glass, going to drink it down, but you paused when you heard Sans.

“uhm, actually, can we talk about something first?” His voice sounded a bit shy when he asked.

You raised an eyebrow, a bit skeptical of his question before you set your glass back down. “Don’t you dare ask me another would you rather question.”

“no, no, it’s not that.” Sans chuckled, his eye sockets crinkling up a bit before he went back to being more serious, playing out one of his quick expression changes. “i know that we hang out all the time. you’re my best friend, you know that?”

Weird. Was he having doubts or something? “Yeah, of course, I know that. You’re my best friend too.”

The assurance wasn’t the problem, because Sans spoke right after you did. “and we’ve been through a lot together, and i value that.”

Okay… You stayed quiet, letting him get out what he wanted to say.

“i know that we usually just hang out at each other's houses or go out to eat here, but… i’d like to take you out soon. on a date.” He surprisingly didn’t look too nervous or embarrassed about telling you this, and you could vaguely see a small tint on his cheekbones, but he looked perfectly normal other than that.

“Really?” You questioned, your cheeks heating up just a bit. “You’re not playing with me right?”

“why would i play about something like this?” Sans questioned you back, matching your head tilt. “i guess i’d say i’d like to get to know you better, but i think we both know each other like the back of our hands. i just want to take you on a date so that we can learn more about what we’d want romantically. if you’d… uh, want to.”

Were you hearing him right? It was hard to recall if you’ve ever even heard him talk about any romantic things, and here he was asking to take you on a date so that you could both discuss your romantic future together?

Sans was quiet when he noticed how silent you were being. “alphys and undyne said i should write a letter, but i’m not the best at those…”

Oh. Oh! You needed to say something!

“I’d love to go on a date with you.” You answered him, speaking a bit softer and easing up your gaze on him to a more loving one. “It would be good to discuss what to do since monsters and humans do dating differently.”

You watched as Sans’ pinpricks grew in size, and the vague blue tint on his face became more apparent. “really? you’d actually?”

“Who wouldn’t?” You laughed, slightly baffled that anyone would miss up on the opportunity to go out with Sans. “Where are we gonna go?”

Sans snorted at your question, clearly finding it a bit funny. “isn’t it obvious? grillbys.”

Duh. You picked back up your shot glass and drank it in one gulp, feeling the tingly magic dissipate in your mouth and throat and leaving a bit of a leftover tangy cherry taste on your tongue.

“Alright, Sans.” You scooted your barstool a bit closer to him, pressing your arm up against his as you stole one of his fries. “Why don't we just come back tomorrow?”

Sans didn’t even feign a look of fake offense when you took one of his fries, a bit too caught up with ogling at you. “yeah, i like the sound of that.”

#undertale #undertale au #undertale alternate universe #sans #sans undertale #sans x reader #classic sans #sans x you #sap #sans headcanons #sans one shot

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askgildaseniors · 2 months ago

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youtube

Santana Dempsey, an actor, painter, and writer, shares her journey from foster care to self-discovery. Separated from her birth mother due to family struggles, she and her sister were adopted by a loving couple in the Midwest. But growing up with mixed heritage in a small town came with its own challenges. Through embracing her Afro-Latino roots, Santana found her true identity and now advocates for celebrating our unique stories and creating a more inclusive world. Make sure to watch the full episode to hear her whole story!

CHAPTERS: 00:00: Embracing Complexity 01:16: A Painful Separation 02:38: The Invisible Struggle of Poverty and Mental Health 04:00: When Addiction and Neglect Take a Deadly Turn 05:11: How Love and Connection Can Overcome Biological Boundaries 05:43: The Weight of Responsibility 07:48: Growing Up Multiracial in a Small Town 10:03: Embracing My Afro-Latino Identity and Rejecting External Labels 12:24: How I Discovered the Joy of Speaking Spanish 14:25: The Freedom to Choose 17:24: Music Shaped Our Identities and Experiences 20:49: Uncovering the Truth About My Biological Father 21:57: How Exploring the World Helped Me Find Myself 24:23: From Short Stories to Novel, and the Struggle to Share My Story 25:29: How I Survived Trauma and Burnout 27:24: Finding My Way Back to Myself 30:17: The Unseen Support 31:15: The Gift of Passion 32:55: The Pursuit of Authenticity

#Youtube

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bumblebeeappletree · 1 year ago

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In 20 minutes I share everything I wish I knew before I started designing my permaculture food forest.

This video covers strategies for capturing and storing water, improving and feeding your soil, creating a baseman for capturing your observations, swales, contours, guilds and layering your food forest and working with succession as well as some syntropic agroforestry techniques that you can use in your backyard.

A permaculture food forest requires upfront work, but the long-term rewards are huge! That is why I believe it’s the easiest way to grow food. No annual tilling, no toiling under the hot sun year after year, no need to purchase inputs once your forest is established. Once you set up a successful system, it will thrive for generations to come.

Links mentioned in the video:

Want to experience the magic of Goldifarms? Visit our Etsy shop: https://www.etsy.com/shop/Goldifarms

The following are Amazon Affiliate links and I may receive a small commission if you purchase through these links:

Humanure Handbook by Joseph Jenkins

https://amzn.to/441FP9w

Restoration Agriculture by Mark Stepard

https://amzn.to/422yG7k

About Goldifarms:

My name is Erin. I started Goldifarms in my backyard in January 2020 as part of my journey to heal myself and restore this land. I follow permaculture design principles to create regenerative abundance here on the Central Coast of California in zone 9a. My intention with this YouTube channel is to provide inspiration to connect with nature, grow your own food and medicine, and help create a more beautiful world together.

Thank you for all your support, I hope these videos will inspire you to follow your heart and pursue what lights up your life ✨ 🌼💛

Sending so much love to you on your journey. Thank you for watching 🐝💛🌻

Want to experience the magic of Goldifarms? Visit our Etsy shop: https://www.etsy.com/shop/Goldifarms

For a brief history of Goldifarms, check out: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_u5z7...

For pics of the whole project, visit: https://www.instagram.com/goldifarms/

To learn more and contact Goldifarms, visit our website: Goldifarms.com

To support Goldifarms (which would mean the world to me!), you can become a Patron: https://www.patreon.com/goldifarms

If you never want to miss a Goldifarms video, subscribe by clicking here: https://youtube.com/goldifarms?sub_co...

For access to exclusive videos, consider joining my membership channel: / @goldifarms

Music from Epidemic Sound. If you create videos and are looking for a huge selection of music, feel free to use my epidemic referral for a free month: https://share.epidemicsound.com/hlg6dg

Chapters

00:00- Intro

00:33 - Start with Why

01:20 - Imagine

03:03 - Observe

04:09 - Create a Basemap

05:18 - Design for Water

09:45 - Get that GoldiGlow!!✨

11:04 - Feed your Soil

13:52 - Layers and Succession

18:38 - Design Iteratively

#Goldifarms #solarpunk #permaculture #food Forest #agriculture #how to #how to make #how to make a food forest #farming #garden #gardening

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prodbymaui · 2 years ago

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Lust Royale Series.

The alternative universe of the mafia where you serve as the heir of the infamous 'Solaire'.

Lust Royale is an original NCT series written by prodbymaui. The release dates are scheduled to start by the beginning of October 2024.

Copying, translating, re-posting and rewriting the following works in any form is strictly prohibited unless given permission to do so.

OVERVIEW: In the world of mafia, things would never go according to one's plan. As an heir to the mafia group who had been at the top of the game since the beginning, Solaire's made sure to pull out and use all their assets to protect the rising soon to be kingpin. All guards up to prevent being indifferent to the dangers of what the consequences of their plans may be.

Because unbeknownst to most players; In this game, evil is hidden everywhere-- in plain sight. Driven by greed as they try to conquer everything their eyes gazes at, may it be simple equipments, or a whole organization. People in this area-- they like to be ambitious. A person might be smiling at you genuinely today, but the next thing you know? You will be meeting your downfall in the hands of the exact same person.

TAGLIST: send an ask to be added..

01: MISTIMED

SYNOPSIS: Being an assassin, it was already expected for love to be seen as a weakness in Yuta's field of work. Therefore, if you find yourself falling in love-- might as well dig your lover's and your own grave because no enemy would pass the chance of sabotaging any glimpse of happiness, especially in the mafia world.

Despite first-hand witnessing the outcome of being in love-- The faceless grim reaper finds himself risking the chance of exposing his identity for the sake of catching the sight of this mysterious woman dawned in her blood red dress.

Coming soon..

02: UNMASKED

SYNOPSIS: You should've figured out the man the moment he stepped inside your headquarters. You should've found out he's nothing but a threat to the organization. As he stood before you, not as an ally but as a spy-- you felt stupid for letting your guards down and showing your vulnerable side. You should've known.

Because now, you have to battle with these crumbling, weakening feeling of love. All the while, Haechan is out there, determined to kill you with his bare hands.

Coming soon..

03: LIONHEART

SYNOPSIS: You were cruel, merciless, and ruthless. Unforgiving to those who had wrong you, ensuring to make them pay trice the amount of what they owe. The lack of empathy towards other people was one thing Mark could've used to dislike, or even loathe, you.

However, as he watches you cut the tongues of the men who murdered Song Jaesoo in half-- Mark finds himself grateful to your father for hiring and trusting him to serve as your right hand.

Coming soon..

04: BOUNDARIES

SYNOPSIS: In a midst of chaos and danger, you found yourself stuck between the forbidden love your father had warned you about several times and your responsibilities as the successor of the great Song Jaesoo.

Would you rather focus on your goals of revenging your late father to continue his legacy? Or would you finally give in and taste the freedom of being with someone whom you truly love?

Coming soon..

2023 © prodbymaui

#nct #nct smut #nct 127 #nakamoto yuta #lee haechan #lee donghyuck #mark lee #lee taeyong #nct scenarios #nct imagines #nct boyfriends #nct x reader #nct mafia au #taeyong smut #yuta smut #haechan smut #mark smut #prodbymaui

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bloodynosesarejustlikeroses · 2 years ago

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𝐌𝐲 𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐒𝐭𝐞𝐯𝐞 𝐓𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐨𝐫

✦; ꒰Dick Grayson ✗ Reader꒱ ;;✦ ↴

01. Summary. The human world was unknown to you, so wonderful, exciting, and terrifying at the same time. So many things to discover, to learn, it may sound intimidating for a young amazon like you, luckily, you got your own "Steve Trevor" to accompany you in the battle... Or something like that...

02. Word count. 5,722 words.

03. Warnings . Mention of wounds.

04. Notes. Hello, to the anon who requested this, you didn’t specify which deity, so I chose to use as a base the Greek Goddess "Nike" (Yes, like the brand). Nike was the goddess of speed, strength, and victory. She could grant humans the strength and speed needed to be victorious in any task they undertook.

If you enjoy my writing and would like to support me feel free to leave me a tip on my Ko-fi. It's something I will always remember and be grateful for, I assure you.

(English is my second language, so if something sounds out of place or is misspelled, please let me know).

— This is the last one. — You said as you tied up the last of the thieves.

The team had been assigned to stop a bank robbery, not the kind of mission the team was used to, but a crime was a crime.

— We must secure the perimeter to make sure there are no more of them. — Aqualad said, ready to give another order but was interrupted by a certain red-haired boy.

— I suggest going in duos to make it quicker. — Kid Flash suggested clearly wanting to get somewhere. — Me with Aqualad, Superboy with M'gann, Artemis with Zatanna… — Dick knew where this was going. — And last but not least Robin with Wonder Girl.

The whole team looked at Aqualad, waiting for confirmation, he simply nodded and as quickly as he did they all split up, leaving you alone with the Boy Wonder. The two of you walked side by side in comfortable silence.

— Happy Harbor is really beautiful. — You said as you watched the locals walking through the streets of the area.

— Yeah… — Robin looked at you for a while, your eyes gazing with wonder at every little thing that crossed your path. — Really beautiful. — He said, although he wasn't talking about Happy Harbor.

You turned your head towards him, catching his gaze with yours, a small blush came to your cheeks as you smiled shyly, the atmosphere felt more intimate than usual, maybe because it was just the two of you, or maybe because walking so quietly through the streets beside him made it feel like a date. But the romantic atmosphere was quickly disturbed by a sound coming from Dick that was unfamiliar to you.

The sound made you get a little nervous. — What’s that? — You examined Richard with your eyes up and down with some curiosity trying to find the source of that annoying beeping sound.

— Oh, I’m sorry, it’s my phone, I always turn it off on every mission, I must have forgotten it this time. — Robin pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and ignored the incoming call, ending the ringing.

— Phone? — You asked as you carefully stood next to him and looked at the small device in his hands. — What is a phone?

— Well, it's a smart device mainly designed to facilitate communication, but you can do a lot of things with one of these. — Robin smiled at you without you noticing, warmed by your curiosity.

— We don't have those on Themyscira. So what exactly can that do?

— Well, you can send and receive messages, call people who are miles away from you, record videos, and… Take pictures… — A quick thought crossed Dick's mind. — Let me show you one of the things it can do. — Carefully one of Robin's arms wrapped around your waist pulling you close to him, he selected the camera on his cell phone and positioned it in the air to capture the image of the two of you. — Smile! — You followed Dick's movements, smiled shyly at the camera, and in an eyeblink, the image of the two of you was captured on the device. — See? — You took the phone in your hands, watching in amazement as the scene was captured on the screen.

— Wow, so this little magic box can keep moments as if it was a painting, amazing! — You said completely thrilled.

— It's not magic, it's technology. — Dick answered, looking at you with softness because of your innocence.

You remained frozen for a couple of seconds, staring at the photo with a smile, not realizing how close your body was to Dick's.

— There is still so much of the human world that I don't know, and so much to discover, it's exciting, but scary at the same time. — Your smile did not disappear, your eyes traced every detail of the photo.

— I know, but the team will help you. — Your eyes left the cell phone screen, and you turned your head, facing Dick, it was then that you realized how close he was to you, and your heart skipped a beat in your chest. — I will help you. — One of Robin's hands moved to gently hold yours, a sweet smile lying on his face.

— You're like… — You thought for a moment, remembering the time Diana, your mentor, told you how she met Steve Trevor, the person who support her in her struggle and guided her through the man's world. — A Steve Trevor. — You said more to yourself than to him.

— A what? — Dick asked somewhat confused by your words.

— Oh, never mind. — You shook your head slightly embarrassed.

A short giggle leaked through Dick's lips, he couldn't help but find you adorable. The space between you two seemed to decrease with every second without you even noticing it. Despite the short time you had been with the team Dick's presence was endearing to you, and he felt the same way. He could spend hours and hours at your side listening to you talk about the wonders (as you called them) of the human world, although for him the only wonder was you.

Unfortunately, the romantic atmosphere that had enveloped the two of you was instantly shattered by Kid Flash's voice on the telepathic link. — Nothing here! — Both had become so immersed in each other that you had completely forgotten that you were still on a mission.

You recovered your posture and pulled away from Dick. The mission was your priority and you couldn't let your guard down like that.

— Nothing here either. — You said quietly to the rest of your teammates through the telepathic link.

The entire perimeter seemed to be secured, so the mission was completed.

— Let's go back to the base, Black Canary should be waiting for us for today's training. — This time it was Kaldur's authoritative voice that was heard over the link.

— Understood. — The entire team replied.

Even though you agreed to return to the base your shoulders drooped, as much as you wanted to deny it you would have liked to be alone with Dick a little longer, and the Boy Wonder felt the same way. You turned to look at him hiding your wish to stay alone with him for more time.

— Shall we go? — You asked turning around to go back.

Robin hesitated for a moment, thinking of some valid excuse to continue being just the two of you even if it was only for a couple more minutes. — Wait! — He rushed as an idea crossed his mind, positioning himself in front of you and cutting you off. — Why don't we go another way? — A smirk came to Dick's lips.

— Another way? — You asked curiously, although you were dying to accept his invitation.

Dick focused his attention on his forearm for a moment, pressing a couple of buttons on the holographic keyboard that had unfolded in the air. The sound of an engine approaching you in the distance made you become alert, a motorcycle approached you and stopped just a couple of feet away, it was Dick's motorcycle.

The Boy Wonder moved to his vehicle and climbed in without any effort, he then turned to you with a beautiful smile on his face. — So, what do you say? — A smile that hid perfectly the little nervousness he felt at the possibility of your rejection.

You reciprocated his smile, but you didn't give him an answer, the movement of your body spoke for itself, you walked over and took a seat behind him, your arms wrapped around his torso and your chin rested on his shoulder. Dick's body tensed for a second at your touch, but it was easy for him to get used to the feel of your body so close to his.

A smile spread across Dick's face, once he made sure you were well secured he drove off, the pace of the motorcycle wasn't too slow but it wasn't too fast either, it was simply perfect, and it allowed you to quietly enjoy the streets of Happy Harbor, the peaceful atmosphere seemed to be contagious to all the people there, you felt the sun rays hitting against your skin producing a pleasant feeling of warmth all over your body.

You closed your eyes, enjoying the humid wind hitting the skin of your face and letting your head rest on Dick's shoulder, this was one of the few quiet moments you had since you joined the team, and you were glad it was at his side.

[•••]

— Look who finally showed up. — Black Canary looked at you with her arms crossed over her chest, her face remained stoic, wanting to show dissatisfaction at your unpunctuality. Though deep down she couldn't help but feel tenderness for the "young love" (as she called it) that seemed to be developing between the two of you. All eyes were on you and the Boy Wonder; you were both so comfortable with each other that without you noticing it, the motorcycle ride was extended a little longer than it needed to be. — Since you were the last to arrive, you will be paired up for today's training.

The rest of the team looked at you both with knowing smiles on their faces.

— Well, it looks like you're lucky today. — You rolled your eyes, a smile spread across your face at Dick's confidence. — So, what is today's training? — Everyone's attention quickly shifted to Black Canary in anticipation of what they would face in today's training.

— Simple and easy, fighting in pairs. — Everyone looked around, looking at their possible opponents, Superboy and Aqualad were a group, Miss Martian and Artemis were together, and last but not least, Zatanna and Kid Flash. — Today's confrontations may not be completely fair in terms of power or skill, but your fights will not always be, yet you must learn to compensate your weaknesses with communication and teamwork. — Suddenly an aura of friendly competitiveness was felt in the room, training sessions like this were always a source of excitement among the team. — Let's get started.

The first match was between Miss Martian and Artemis against Kid Flash and Zatanna, it lasted what seemed to be an eternity for them and only a couple of minutes for you and the rest of the team who watched the whole battle expectantly, it was a pretty equal and exciting fight, to say the least, but once proclaimed the winner of that match the next match began.

Dick and you against Kaldur and Conner, you couldn't deny it, facing them was exciting and intimidating at the same time, both were formidable enemies, and Superboy's strength was something that could not be denied, he could even appear to be invincible to some people, but the team knew that Conner's impulsiveness was perhaps his greatest weakness, if he faced an enemy that was able to analyze all his movements he would probably lose, unfortunately, he was teamed with Aqualad, and he perfectly covered Conner's weak point. Undoubtedly Kaldur was one of the team members with more battle experience, and while Conner had strength and brutality, Kaldur had strategy and agility; fortunately, you and Dick had nothing to envy from them, despite your nervousness you were confident in your skills, and in your partner.

— Are both teams ready? — Black Canary looked at you, and you nodded, as did your other three teammates. — Perfect, then... Begin!

You watched your enemies, thinking to take Conner and leave Aqualad for Robin, but before you could take the lead Kaldur rushed at you releasing strike after strike, his attacks were precise and fast, but yours were too, you as an Amazon had nothing to fear from an Atlantean, it was an equal fight; although you couldn't say the same about Robin and Superboy, despite the great intelligence and agility of the Boy Wonder he was no match for the clone of Superman or at least not physically.

The fight went on far longer than would have been expected, and neither team seemed close to being defeated, you turned your attention away from your opponent so you could visualize Robin for a moment, the Boy Wonder was starting to look tired, and who wouldn't be having to keep up with a Kryptonian, or well, in this case, a half Kryptonian. Dick's chest was rising and falling quickly as a result of his agitated breathing. Even if it was a simple training fight you didn't want to lose, not when you could win.

Conner seemed to have cornered Dick, the poor acrobat lacked the energy to continue the fight, and Superboy could see it, he raised his arm ready to deliver the last strike; Robin remained motionless for a second, thinking about how to get out of that situation, although his body could not take any more, his chest was moving violently trying to recover some air, and when he thought his legs would fail a huge wave of energy ran through him from head to toe, from the inside to the outside; it was electrifying, exciting. Dick never believed that people could be reborn, but if he did, he was sure that's how it would feel.

All tiredness was completely eliminated from his body, he felt full of energy, he felt determined, he felt alive. His limbs moved on their own, following the wave of energy that pushed them, even he was unaware of the speed with which he moved and in a matter of seconds Superboy was no longer facing him, instead, the Kryptonean had hit the ground a few feet away.

Multiple gasps of surprise echoed in the room, it was like for a moment time stopped, even Kladur who was totally focused on his fight seemed to have been completely stunned; Dick came to his senses, and like his companions, he remained motionless for a moment without understanding what was happening, until the realization hit him, it had been him, he had knocked Conner to the ground with a single punch.

Silence settled in the training room, Conner sat up again, rubbing his cheek where he had been hit, totally stunned.— How the hell did you do that?! — He wasn't upset, just surprised, more like shocked.

— I… — Dick tried to answer the question, but he was as speechless as everyone else. — I don’t know… — Silence reigned once again, everyone looked around for answers as if they would appear out of nowhere.

— It was me... — You confessed in the middle of the silence, earning the stares of everyone in the room. You shrank in your place, feeling judged by everyone's attention.

— What do you mean? — Black Canary asked curious about how you could be responsible for what happened.

— I… — You cleared your throat, trying to ignore the nervousness that had settled in you. — It is, one of my skills, I can grant the strength and speed necessary to guarantee victory to those I consider worthy.

With that clarification the tension in the place seemed to dissipate completely, instead, now everyone seemed curious and amazed by your abilities.

— I didn't know the Amazons could do that. — Aqualad stated.

— They can't, let's just say it's one of my unique skills I got it from my mother, but still, I should have mentioned it before I used it, sorry. — You looked at Dick with embarrassment, trying to apologize.

— Hey it's okay, don't worry. — Robin gave you a small comforting smile, it was certainly an… Interesting experience.

— Your mother? — Black Canary went ahead and asked.

— Yes, the Amazons know her as Nike, goddess of victory. — You replied with a bit of pride.

— Oh, like the brand? — Wally said with a smile.

— The brand? — Your head moved slightly and your brow furrowed, you hadn't been around men long enough to know what the red-haired boy was talking about.

— Yeah, you know, Nike, “Just do it” — Wally hinted, believing you would know what he meant, but you had no idea.

— Well, I think the training has been enough for today. — Black Canary announced, ending today's training.

Shortly the team started to leave the place.

— So… — Dick's voice echoed behind you, you turned and smiled at the sight of your favorite Boy Wonder. — You said you could use your powers on those you considered worthy, does that mean you think I'm worthy? — Your cheeks tinged slightly pink, but your smile didn't disappear.

— I do, I think you are worthy. — Your eyes didn't leave his, the warmth you felt in your body when you were with him had returned.

Neither of you said anything else after that, you smiled for the last time and walked away leaving a smiling Dick watching your figure fade away through Mount Justice.

— Well… — The black-haired boy turned around, only to see his red-haired best friend standing there, watching him with a sly grin. — When will you ask her out? — Wally asked.

— What? — Dick asked, one of his eyebrows raised.

— Oh come on, since she arrived you haven't stopped flirting. — Wally annoyed replied.

— Well yeah but, what's the rush? It's not like she’s going to disappear. — Dick shrugged, usually, Richard didn't wait long to act when it came to girls, but for once in his life, he wanted to take it easy, he knew that male company wasn't something you were used to, but he wanted to make sure he prioritized your comfort, he didn't want to rush things.

— Dude, just look at her. She's cute, she's charismatic, she's smart. — The redhead number every one of your qualities. — God, if you weren't my friend I'd already be trying my luck right now, and if you don't, someone else will. — Wally shrugged his shoulders, thinking he had made his point clearly enough, and decided to leave the place.

Dick stood there, thinking seriously about his friend's words. Maybe, for once, Wally was right.

[•••]

— Sector 5-D clear. — You said through the telepathic link waiting for your next order.

The Justice League had detected suspicious activity in a location on the edge of Metropolis, the place turned out to be a bodega of extraordinary size divided into sections; and although it would have been much quicker and easier to go through the place individually, Kaldur decided to separate the team in pairs believing that this would be the best thing to do in case of any confrontation. You looked over your shoulder, and glanced at your duo for this mission, the Boy Wonder simply nodded confirming that you should continue moving along this path.

Your footsteps were quiet and firm, ready for almost any probability that presented itself. You kept alert to the environment, every sound, every movement.

You stood firm, a huge shiver ran through your body, you stopped for a moment, and expelled some air through your mouth seeing how it could be distinguished in the air; you frowned confused, realizing that the temperature seemed to have dropped considerably despite only having advanced a small distance.

— I don't remember any other sector getting so cold, do you? — You asked Robin, turning your body to face him hoping for an answer that would corroborate the temperature change.

— No, something must be causing it. — The Boy Wonder answered checking the holographic screen displayed from his armband trying to find the cause of the temperature change.

You opened your lips to say something else, but your senses snapped in a second, and a high-pitched sound reached your ears alerting you about the danger. — Watch out! — You grabbed the shield from your back, and moved, positioning yourself in front of Dick, digging your feet into the ground, bending your knees, and ready for impact. A projectile collided with the metal of your shield, the place filled with fog preventing you from seeing your enemy.

You felt the temperature drop even more and saw the frost starting to cover the walls of the building. Robin left his place behind you and positioned himself next to you, waiting for anything. Slowly the fog dissipated, revealing your rival in this mission.

— Icicle Jr... — Robin whispered, staring at your adversary who stood proudly with a smug smile on his face.

— That’s right Boy Wonder I… — Jr. seemed to be about to start his monologue, however, his eyes were taken away by your presence, although you had heard of him you hadn't had the opportunity to encounter him until now, and apparently, he had never had the pleasure of hearing from you, but you seemed to be able to captivate him with a single glance. — Hey… — He greeted you in a flirtatious tone, forgetting that his goal was defeating you and your teammate.

— We hadn't met, had we? No, I would remember a face as pretty as yours. — You raised an eyebrow, intrigued by his sudden change of attitude. His arrogant features had softened for you.

You cleared your throat, trying to hide the little reddish hue that wanted to grow on your cheeks, although it was questionable, it took you by surprise to be called pretty by the enemy. — No, we haven't. — You replied.

— Conner should have told me that there was a new hottie on the team. — He winked at you, waiting to get a reaction from you.

— Agh, enough. It's time for you to go back to prison. — Robin stepped in. Holding up one of his birdarangs.

— Well, if she's the one taking me to prison I wouldn't mind going back a million times. — The cocky grin returned to his face.

A new wave of strikes from him started, however this time he didn't seem to be interested in hurting you, he just seemed to want to provoke you, on the other hand, the attacks directed toward Robin were more aggressive.

You focused on dodging his attacks, making your way to him, knowing that Dick would be fine on his own, the cold enveloped your body and the ice on the ground made it difficult to move, you dropped your shield, seeking to focus the strength of your two hands on your sword.

You raised your sword once you were only inches away from him, the steel melted into the ice on his arm, and you dug your feet into the ground trying to maintain your stance despite how difficult it was because of the icy floor.

You fought, neither of you wanted to lose, yet Icicle Jr. wasn't using his full strength, and neither were you. — Wow, you look even prettier from this close. — A little shiver ran through your body at the compliment. — I’m Icicle Jr by the way, but you can call me Cameron. — You pulled away from him retracting your sword satisfied with having pierced the thick layer of ice on his arm.

You caught your breath and looked at him for a moment without letting your guard down. — Wonder Girl. — You introduced yourself, proud of the title you had earned with blood, sweat, and tears.

Cameron seemed surprised, his guard was left vulnerable for a moment and it was obvious that the Boy Wonder wouldn't let this opportunity slip away. He rushed towards his target, managing to connect a kick directly to his jaw, Icicle Jr fell back stunned by the attack, Robin threw a birdarang in his direction, the smoke from the explosion prevented you from seeing your enemy for a moment, but before the smoke dissipated an aggressive blast of ice shot out brushing your side, however, your teammate did not have the same luck.

Dick's back collided with the wall, his limbs wrapped in the ice causing a groan to echo through the walls.

— Robin! — You shouted, stunned for a moment. You turned to Icicle Jr. This time decided to use all your strength.

Although it would be ideal to help your teammate it wasn't a good idea to just back away from the enemy.

You swing your sword in front of you without taking your eyes off Cameron, despite your intimidating aura Icicle Jr simply seemed to enjoy the sight. You rushed at him, your strikes were quick and sharp, but you had to admit that Icicle Jr's defense wasn't all that bad. You felt a little nervous inside, Cameron's gaze piercing you from top to bottom.

Being watched so closely made you anxious, the tingling of nervousness distracted you from the fight, your strikes were no longer sharp and your movements were no longer quick; Cameron saw this and took advantage of it. Your sword was stuck again in the ice of his arm, but this time you were not fast enough, Cameron took his chance, the ice began to expand until it reached your wrists compromising your position; You panicked, maybe in other circumstances it would have been completely easy to break free, but the anxiety stopped you from thinking clearly.

— You have such beautiful eyes, doll. — His frosty breath collided against your skin, slowly your gaze raised only to realize how close your face was to Icicle Jr's.

You turned your face away in disgust, and again pulled back trying to shatter the ice that held you captive, but your attempts seemed to be useless, and Cameron seemed to be getting closer and closer; a ringing noise echoed in your head, none of your thoughts seemed to give you a solution to the situation and your body seemed to not answer; you could feel Icicle Jr's cold eyes visualizing you like you were a mere piece of meat, his icy breath pierced the exposed skin of your face getting closer and closer.

— Oh, don't be so shy doll. — His icy breath made its way to your ears, your face twisted in disgust. Even though you couldn't see his face you could imagine the shameless grin on his face.

Slowly the ice was beginning to crack, but not the ice that held you, and perhaps you would have realized that if the situation had been different. — That's enough! — The voice echoed through the place like a growl, it was authoritative and threatening enough to startle you.

Everything happened so fast that even for you it was difficult to process, in just a moment your body was pulled forward roughly, you put resistance digging your feet strongly into the ground, taking the opportunity to pull your sword once again, this time successfully breaking the ice and freeing yourself; a small whimper left your lips, your sword slipped between your fingers that were completely purple like the rest of your arm, only now that you had freed yourself you realized the pain that palpitated over your two upper limbs.

You didn't even bother to try to understand what was happening, the pain was stabbing and the shock was inevitable, your eyes managed to make out a figure moving closer to you, you tried to focus on his face. — Robin. — You whispered with relief.

— I'm sorry it took me so long to free myself from the ice. — The guilt was evident in his voice. — Let me see your arms. — His words were soft, his concern was obvious.

Even with your mind spinning you moved your arms towards him, you felt the leather of his gloves against your skin, making a small whimper leak from your lips, it was not something you couldn't handle, but the pain was there.

— Let me bandage you. — His voice was barely a whisper, yet his words were authoritative, treating your wounds was not up for discussion.

You nodded, too exhausted to refuse, your breathing slowly returned to normal, your mind was getting calmer and slowly things became clear, and you certainly couldn't help but feel ashamed of your poor performance in battle, Robin had finished the job for you, Icicle Jr's body lay unconscious on the ground, handcuffed and blindfolded, it didn't look like he was going to wake up any time soon.

Your disappointment seemed to be evident, or at least it was to Dick, under his mask his eyes remained focused on bandaging your arms, but he couldn't help but look back at your face here and there, his mind wondering to itself what was going through your head at that moment, but Dick knew you, he could read your eyes like a book, and right now he could only read helplessness and regret, two feelings he got to know very well when he was younger.

— You did a good job, don't let that mortify you. — His voice was almost audible, and although you valued his words you found no comfort in them.

— I was paralyzed. — You replied. — If you hadn't been here I would have compromised the mission. — You said, perhaps too harshly, but for you, it was true.

— But you didn't. — Dick's eyes finally focused on you, your arms were now completely bandaged. — And you gave me enough strength to win the fight. — Your expression quickly changed from sternness to confusion.

— I didn't use my powers on you. — Was the only thing you could say.

— I know, but your presence is enough to give me the strength to win. — The smile that appeared on your face was inevitable as well as the warmth that reached your cheeks, and for Robin, it was inevitable not to smile with satisfaction at your reaction.

— Thank you. — You mumbled knowing he would hear you. You wouldn't say it out loud, but his attention and concern were something you enjoyed. — We should keep moving. — You turned away from him, only then realizing how close he was to you.

Richard watched your figure carefully, following your every move; you bent down to the ground, took your shield and placed it on your back, walked a couple of steps, and took your sword again, your grip on the handle was weak, your wounds still fresh, but your determination seemed to have returned, while Dick's seemed to be fading; you turned your back to him, ready to continue with the mission.

Dick's chest heaved with impatience, since that training Wally's words had not stopped running through his mind because he knew it was true; as he also knew that this was not the best moment, but despite his serene and calculating personality he was still a teenager, and could not avoid moments of impulsiveness like these where his emotions clouded his reason.

— Wait! — His words were faster than his thoughts. And his impulsiveness disappeared as soon as your eyes stopped on him, as hard as it was to happen, Robin was speechless.

You moved closer to him, your mind forgetting about the mission as you focused on him, finding his presence comforting, you remained silent, waiting for him to continue.

— Well... I don't know how to say this. — One of Robin's gloved hands moved to the back of his neck. Your eyebrows furrowed, it seemed so unusual to see Dick this way, hesitant and doubtful. — But, I really like you. — A shy smile showed on his face as he looked at you expectantly.

You smiled innocently, believing he simply meant that he liked you in a friendly way, and even though your heart yearned for more, you appreciated the fact that he "liked you." You approached him, that dazzling signature smile of yours shining on your lips, making his heart beat faster than it already did.

You took his hands in yours as if your previous actions weren't enough to increase his nervousness. — Oh Robin, I feel the same way. — You said. Robin's eyes lit up under his mask and his smile simply spread. — You are a great friend, and an excellent teammate, it would be impossible not to like you.

Dick's smile faded completely from his lips, and his eyebrows drooped in sadness. — That's not what I meant... — The disappointment was more than clear in Dick's voice, yet he decided to go ahead with his confession. — I have romantic feelings for you. — His grip on your hands weakened with each of his words.

And suddenly everything around you stopped, and those words repeated in your head "Romantic feelings", what did you know about romance? Nothing. You were still young, and while it was true that at your age most young people already knew the feeling of love you did not. You had grown up in Themyscira, and for as long as you could remember the most important thing for you being there was your training, and you understood that you knew that your powers required control and training, but having trained from such a young age had robbed you of many opportunities. To live your childhood like any other child your age, to make friends, to explore the world, to develop your preferences, and to experience love.

The only thing you knew about love was the little your mentor had told you of her own experience. About the time years ago when she met the one she considered the love of her life, Steve Trevor. How they met, how he taught her about the world of humankind, how they fought a war together, and finally, how they fell in love; Diana told you everything, how she realized about her feelings, how her heart used to beat fast when she was near him, the trust and peace that his presence gave her, the feeling of wanting to protect him from danger.

And you knew, that what your mentor had felt for Steve Trevor was what you were feeling for Dick Grayson.

— I feel the same way... — You repeated, but this time the tone of your voice was different, softer and gentler, but confident, there was no uncertainty in your words.

You felt Robin's hands squeeze yours, not enough to hurt you, but enough for you to feel the warmth of his gloves through the bandage. Dick was clinging to his hopes, and his heart was beating fast in his chest, even though you were an open book, he found you hard to decipher at times, but he realized there was nothing to decipher at that moment, he just had to trust your words, as he always had.

His smile returned to his face, while yours only got bigger. — So… — Robin gathered the courage to speak again. — Are you free after this mission? — He asked, his trademark mischievous smile on his lips, and his usual confidence seemed to have returned to him.

Your chest jiggled with a peculiar feeling you weren't familiar with, but it didn't bother you, after all, you had gotten your own Steve Trevor... No, something even better, you had gotten your own Dick Grayson.

#dick grayson x reader #young justice x reader #dick grayson x you #dick grayson x y/n #dc x reader #young justice x you #dc comics #young justice #robin x y/n #robin x reader #dick grayson #robin #young justice one shots #young justice dick grayson

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the-conversation-pod · 6 months ago

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Mixed Nuts, Part 2: Thoughts on Yaoi

And we're back! Japan is churning them out almost faster than we can keep up, so we dedicated a whole grab bag episode to give them the attention they're asking for. Ben, NiNi, Ginny, and Shan talk what's working and what's not in Japanese BL as we discuss Sahara-sensei to Toki-kun, One Room Angel, Perfect Propose, Sukiyanen Kedo Do Yaro Ka, I Want To See Only You and I Became the Star of a BL Drama.

Timestamps

The timestamps will now correspond with chapters on Spotify for easier navigation.

00:00:00 - Welcome 00:01:15 - Grab Bag Part 2: J-BL 00:02:22 - Sahara-sensei to Toki-kun 00:11:29 - One Room Angel 00:18:54 - A Note on MBS Tunku Shower 00:26:01 - Perfect Propose 00:49:27 - Sukiyanen Kedo Do Yaro ka 01:04:44 - I Want To See Only You 01:10:55 - I Became the Main Role of a BL Drama 01:26:16 - Outro

The Conversation Transcripts!

Thanks to the continued efforts of @ginnymoonbeam as transcriber, and @lurkingshan as an editor and proofreader, we are able to bring you transcripts of the episodes.

We will endeavor to make the transcripts available when the episodes launch, and it is our goal to make them available for past episodes (Coming soon thanks to @wen-kexing-apologist). When transcripts are available, we will attach them to the episode post (like this one) and put the transcript behind a Read More cut to cut down on scrolling.

Please send our volunteers your thanks!

00:00:00 - Welcome

NiNi

Welcome to The Conversation About BL, aka The Brown Liquor Podcast.

Ben

And there it is. I’m Ben.

NiNi

I’m NiNi.

Ben

And we’re your drunk Caribbean uncle and auntie here sitting on the porch in the rocking chairs.

NiNi

Four times a year we pop in to talk about what’s going on in the BL world.

Ben

We shoot the shit about stories and all the drama going into them. I review from a queer media lens.

NiNi

And I review from a romance and drama lens.

Ben

So if you like cracked-out takes and really intense emotional analysis…

NiNi

If you like talking about artistry, industry, and the discourse…

Ben

And if you generally just love simping…

NiNi

There is a lot of simping on this podcast…

Ben

We are the show for you!

00:01:15 - Grab Bag Part 2: J-BL

Ben

And we're back. Continuing into Grab Bag episode 2, this time we're going to talk about all the Japanese projects.

We are still with pod team members Ginny and Shan. Say hi, Ginny.

Ginny

Hello.

Ben

Say hi, Shan.

Shan

Hi again.

NiNi

We are here to talk about Japanese BL, Japanese drama, all things Japanese, aka Ben's favorite thing, aka Ginny's starting to become favorite thing, aka Shan's actual favorite thing, aka my I'm gettin’ there thing.

Ben

We will be talking about six shows this week. We're talking about Sahara-sensei to Toki-kun, One Room Angel, Perfect Propose, Although I Love You, and You? aka Sukiyanen Kedo Do Yara ka, I Want to See Only You, and I Became the Main Role of a BL Drama.

NiNi, take us in.

00:02:22 - Sahara-sensei to Toki-kun

NiNi

Let's start with Sahara-sensei, which I did not watch. So, Ben or Shan, who wants to complain about this?

Ben

Well, there's no need for you to watch it, bestie, because it was horrible!

Shan

Horrible!

Ben

Sahara-sensei to Toki-kun is a Japanese BL from MBS through Drama Shower about a juvenile delinquent who falls for a new teacher who seems to pay attention to him, and starts to reform his behaviors as a result of this relationship. But the teacher’s got his own baggage, and then the show makes a goddamn mess of all of this. And we have very many gripes to voice!

[exhales] It was not good. Ginny, did you watch this show?

Ginny

I did.

Ben

I feel like you were less pissed than me and Shan. Is that true?

Ginny

I'm usually less pissed than you and Shan.

Shan

I think it's just a natural state—[NiNi laughs]

NiNi

I don't think anybody could be as pissed as Shan. [Ben and NiNi laugh]

Shan

Right!

Ginny

Scaling for our norms, I think I was about as pissed. I really did not like the show.

Ben

Oh, yes! Go for it, Ginny! Tell it! Kill ‘em. Kill ‘em, bestie!

Ginny

I don't know anything about the source material, but it felt like it was trying to set up two taboo relationships: one teacher student, and one side ship that was sort of step-siblings. And then it completely whiffed both of those and decided, bizarrely, to deal with the taboo nature, particularly the main relationship, as if it simply isn't a taboo.

No one cared! No one cared that this teacher and student were having a romance. It was simply not addressed, or didn't seem to be a concern to anybody. It made the show baffling to follow because it was like they lived in this alternate universe where that doesn't matter, but other things like homophobia do matter—but only sometimes. It was not coherent.

I really enjoyed Toki, the juvenile delinquent. He was delightful. His actor was really fun, and that's really what kept me watching the show for however many episodes it was—six, eight, ten? Eight. That's what kept me watching the show for eight episodes, even though by about the midpoint, it really felt like it was not doing or saying anything interesting.

Ben

Shan, go in and let have.

Shan

Okay, I will! This show is fucking infuriating. I am still so mad every time I think about it.

Ben

[laughs] I can hear it in her voice.

Shan

Ugh! Here's the thing with the teacher student trope: it can be done well. It has been done well. The way that you do this trope well is that you take that relationship seriously. You have to care in the story that there is a power dynamic here, that a teacher has a role to play and a job to do with regard to their students, that they are an adult who is meant to be trusted to guide their students to good life choices, to their own social/emotional wellbeing, to care about their futures, to care about their education. This show just utterly, utterly failed on that front, and it makes the teacher character here completely irredeemable and unbelievable as an education professional. At no point did this show take its own concept seriously. It wanted us to engage with this romance as if this was just a normal teen love story between a teenage boy and a slightly older boy. There was no reckoning with the fact that this was his teacher.

The biggest sin, among many, was that we were shown through the story that Toki was not actually helped by this relationship with Sahara-sensei. We were shown that Toki—because of his feelings for his teacher, and because of his desire to impress this prospective love interest—that he made choices that were harmful to him. That he did not seek help when he was being bullied. That he did not take his education and his assignment seriously because he was too focused on this crush. We began the show with the notion that he was a juvenile delinquent who needed support and mentorship. He's a good kid, a nice kid, a kind kid, and he just needed some guidance. But he didn't get any fucking guidance from this teacher.

Instead, what he got was a distraction and an extraordinarily self-centered adult who really only cared about what he was getting—the confidence boost that he was getting—out of this relationship with his student. Did not look out for this kid, did not help him focus on his studies, did not help him prepare for his future, and did not help him in any meaningful way with the problems that he was experiencing at school.

This show literally ended with Toki [volume increases] graduating, walking out of the school building, spotting Sahara, and chucking his diploma into the fucking bushes so that he could run and kiss his boyfriend, because school's over now and he doesn't have to care about appearances anymore. I actually could not fucking believe that. And the wildest part of all of this is that the show doesn't seem to have any awareness about it. This is not a narrative about a student getting so obsessed with a teacher that he loses his way. This is just being presented as a straightforward, happy and positive romance that we're supposed to root for. It is one of the most baffling things I have ever fucking seen.

NiNi

Tell ‘em why you mad, son! Tell ‘em why you mad! [laughs]

Ben

Bestie, everything you said was true and correct. I will add further that this show does not get the benefit of the doubt of being BL to cop out about a lot of this because of the backstory they give on Sahara and Nekoto—his junior in high school, now fellow teacher. The failure of their relationship is grounded in the realities of homophobia and taboo, so there's no way to approach the Sahara-Toki relationship under the guise of “any m/m attraction is fine because BL,” because the show draws attention to the social and political realities of queerness.

And it's especially frustrating because Sahara actually gives decent guidance to another student: the Todo character, who is playing injured as a basketball player. Sahara talks him down from going into a match that he shouldn't because he's hurt in a way that I thought was really excellent from an educator, because he doesn't tell the kid, “You shouldn't play.” He asked the kid pointed questions, making the kid self-introspect and recognize for himself that he should not play. Which only exacerbates the issues that Shan eloquently highlighted just now about how fucked up this whole thing is, because he does not bring that same awareness to the relationship he has with Toki. It is such a weird experience with this show and I really hated it.

Ginny

I think that about covers it. It just feels like it didn't know what it was trying to do, and it did everything badly.

NiNi

I think that's an excellent tagline. [Ben laughs] So, those of you who watched it, it's time to rate.

Shan, you first.

Shan

I gave it a 3, and I think reflecting in this moment, I want to lower it to a 2. I'm giving it a 2.

Ben

I agree. Go ahead. Ginny?

Ginny

Oh man, so I give it a 6.5. [Ben hmms] I simply don't finish shows that I'm gonna rate lower than a 4 or a 5. On the surface level, there were moments that I really enjoyed about this. As I said, I did like the performance of the Toki character in particular, so I gave it some credit for that.

Ben

I agree with Shan. I originally gave this show a 4. I'm lowering it to a 3. [Ben and Shan laugh]

Shan

Let's talk about it again in a couple of months, see where we land.

Ben

I'm giving the show a 3.5 from The Conversation. That is not how the math works, but that's what I'm giving it.

Shan

Feels right.

00:11:29 - One Room Angel

NiNi

Moving on to our next show, let's talk One Room Angel.

Ben, what is One Room Angel about?

Ben

One Room Angel is a story about a depressed man who ends up hanging out with an angel for a few weeks, it feels like, and starts to maybe come out of his depressive spiral as a result, which ends up with some really sad over- and undertones from what we learn about the angel character.

This is a kind of difficult show to talk about from a BL perspective, because I don't really think it's a BL. This wasn't really a romance. From my understanding, the angel character is significantly younger in the source material, and I get why they maybe chose not to go that direction. Shan had more complex thoughts, I think, than I did about the genre assignment of this show.

Shan

I like this show. I just want to say that upfront, I think it's a really beautiful show, a really thought-provoking show. I think it has some really interesting things to say about depression and self worth and finding meaning and life and the will to live. I liked all of its themes. I liked the characters.

I do think that it feels incomplete as a narrative, and it feels like there was supposed to be a romance arc here that got removed. I don't know if that's true, I haven't read the source material, but that's kind of how it felt upon watching it. I don't think it's a BL. There's no romance here. There's what feels more like a platonic friendship to me between Koki and the Angel.

This show has some of the most beautiful cinematography that we've seen in Drama Shower. Some of the visual imagery is really striking, and I still think about it off and on. I like the way that they constructed Koki as this character who is kind of downtrodden, but kind at his core. He's just been through some shit, he's had a hard life. And I like that, I like that he was someone who was very easy to sympathize with. The Angel was a good foil for him. He would come at him in ways that would provoke him and give him some spark, make him feel a little bit alive again, which was what was missing and what was so important.

I think the show wasn't that strong on unpacking the mystery of the Angel and who he had been in his life, and connecting that back to Koki. I think there were a few different threads here and they didn't all come together seamlessly, but I did really like the core story of healing.

I do have feelings about this tendency we're seeing recently in the MBS Drama Shower shows of sprinkling in some non-BLs in the lineup. This is a dedicated time slot that is explicitly meant to be for BL shows, and there have been a couple now in the lineup that don't really fit that bill, and so I do kind of regret that we got this show as part of the Drama Shower lineup instead of another BL. But I'm glad we got the show. I like it a lot. I think it has some good things to offer.

Ben

Ginny, were you able to watch this show?

Ginny

I was! In the interest of precision, because we're talking about it not being a romance, which I do kind of agree with. They do have a conversation about being boyfriends, and they have this cute little beach date and stuff, but it feels like something that's sort of tacked on to make it fit in the BL space. It doesn't feel like it's actually part of their story. The connection that grows between them is, but the romance was not really played out. So even though they kind of give it lip service, it doesn't feel like it's there, which is why we're all saying it's not a romance. I think my favorite thing about the show was the Koki character.

Ben

This is Ginny's favorite character type: the hot mess. [Ginny and Shan laugh]

Ginny

I love a hot mess. I do. He's older, which I also like. He's not especially pretty, which is a nice change of pace. And he's just so down in it and can't seem to get himself out. I do like the story of him sort of getting forced roommate Angel therapy, basically. So yeah, I enjoyed it. I didn't deeply love it.

For the themes that it was getting into, it could have gone deeper. It's got some really dark material in both of the characters' backstories, and it didn't feel to me like it really followed through strongly enough on the resolutions to those things. But it also wasn't a total miss.

Ben

I ended up feeling really complicated about this show. I feel like I was very unfairly comparing it to Eternal Yesterday a lot, and because it wasn't BL I was a little bit frustrated that this time slot was going into non-BL content. Like, it feels like the original thing was BL, and they decided in their adaptation not to lean into the potential romance between an adult and a high school student. A totally fine adaptation choice, but it's like, why adapt this work then? It doesn't exactly work for me as a result.

I really liked the Angel character. I liked how sassy he was, and pushy he was about stuff. Nishimura Takuya; loved the way he played the Angel character. I really liked the aesthetic with his all-white outfit the whole time. I really liked the effort that the costuming department put into his wings. That was not easy, particularly on the budget that Drama Shower was clearly working on. I thought they got a lot of good work out of the animatronics of his wings. I really wish we had gotten more about Koki's yakuza based trauma. There's an allusion to this with the brother that feels a bit incomplete for me. Or the stuff with his mom, Arisa.

There's like a weird ambiguity with the end of this too, where some of the viewers thought that Koki also died at the end, tragically.

Ginny

What?

Shan

Wait, what? I don't think—he didn't die.

Ben

I didn't think he died, but apparently that was one of the reads.

Shan

Fascinating.

Ginny

Huh.

Shan

That didn't occur to me, but you can't really argue with it in a show that leaves things this unfinished.

Ben

Exactly, and that's why I was a little unsettled by it towards the end, because I'm like, “Well, I can't refute that, but also damn!” [Shan laughs] “Y'all killed this man so they could fuck? Shit!”

Okay. [Ginny laughs]

Shan

[laughs] Oh boy, we better wrap it up there.

Ben

So let's rate this experience. Ginny?

Ginny

I gave it a 7. Not bad for what it was. Not great.

Ben

Shan?

Shan

I gave it an 8. I liked some of what it was trying to do, but I don't think it fully got there on all of its storylines or really on its themes.

Ben

I gave it an 8 originally. I think I'm going to downgrade it to a 7.5, so we'll give it a 7.5 from The Conversation.

00:18:54 - A Note on MBS Tunku Shower

Ben

Let's discuss Drama Shower before we move to the other projects. As of this recording, we are almost at the end of My Strawberry Film, the last outing from Drama Shower Season 2, and currently MBS has not renewed the Drama Shower time slot for additional projects. They may renew this in the future, but let's talk on the podcast how we feel about Drama Shower after almost 11 projects, the role this time slot has fulfilled, and our complex reactions to all of the projects.

Ginny

I like that they did so many different kinds of things. Almost none of the Drama Shower shows are favorites of mine. There are a lot that I quite liked, and a few that I could see rewatching, but I do appreciate the commitment to do and try a bunch of different things. I hope that something like it gets renewed or gets put in place because, as we discussed a little bit last time talking about genre, I want to see experimental BL. I want to see different ideas and frameworks being explored, even ones that we hated like Sahara-sensei and Toki-kun. I would rather they make a bag of shows that includes a terrible one than just crank out the same reliable favorites, so. While I don't love most of the individual shows, I feel positively about the project.

Ben

Shan, how are you feeling?

Shan

I'm sad at the prospect that Drama Shower might not continue. It did produce one of my all time favorite BLs—Eternal Yesterday—and while I don't always love the shows, I love that we can rely on a steady progression of shows being released. When one show ends, we know the next is coming very soon. Japanese media can feel uncertain. We often don't find out about shows until right before they air. We often find out about a show, but then find out that it's not accessible to us, and we can't watch it. It's been nice to have kind of a steady, reliable place where we know we could go to find a Japanese BL, and I like how, you know, like Ginny said, how experimental it's been. They're doing a lot of different types of shows, a lot of different tones and styles.

A lot of them have been not my favorites. Maybe, like, mid to bad, but there have been a few real gems in this lineup. Not only Eternal Yesterday, but also shows like Jack o’ Frost and Tokyo in April is… These are shows that stuck with me, that I really enjoyed the watch experience for, and I hope that even if Drama Shower as a dedicated time slot doesn't come back, that MBS will keep churning out these shows and releasing them at a steady clip because I think that they are pretty solid. I really like this format for Japan, where they do these six- to eight-episode shows. These tight contained stories. Have a pretty clear sense of what they want to do most of the time, with some exceptions. And I'd like to see that continue.

We've had this kind of recent boom of Japanese BL. And I don't want that to go away. I want them to keep producing shows and I want to always have a Japanese BL airing, ideally. So yeah, I'm hopeful that if not this exact project, that something will come back, that we will continue to get shows that are interesting and a fun watch.

Ben

I'm also a bit sad that we might be losing Drama Shower because I really like what Azuma Kaoru has talked about with it from the little bits of translation we've gotten. They have a real commitment to BL as a genre and showcasing what BL can be. I like the Drama Shower has had two original projects both times it's run. Jack o’ Frost was original and My Strawberry Film is original, and whether or not we end up deciding that these projects were especially good or not, I actually think it's really healthy for BL as a genre to not be as tied to the developmental format where we basically just raid the closet and see what indie writers have been up to and then quickly adapt their shows. I'm really curious what knowing that you're developing for television right away enables with the storytelling.

So, I'm a little bit bummed that we don't know for sure if Drama Shower is coming back right now, but I've really enjoyed this entire project. My average rating for Drama Shower was just under 8, which feels correct. If you like BL, Drama Shower has been a really fascinating project because it's been so varied. We had some cool stuff that came out of it. I thought Mr. Unlucky had some cool ideas. I loved Eternal Yesterday. Takara-kun and Amagi-kun let me down slightly, but I liked it! Like, I liked almost every single one of these outings—except for fucking Sahara-sensei to Toki-kun.

Shan

They really had to come in and ruin it right at the end, didn't they? [laughs]

Ben

For fuck’s sake. I will miss this if we don't get it back, but I really like what we got from it.

NiNi, any thoughts on Drama Shower from sort of only getting our reactions to it and then being prodded about some of the shows?

NiNi

When you were talking to me about some of the Drama Shower shows, you basically were saying these are Japanese pulps. So I've tried to place them in the BL firmament, for me, according to them being mostly pulps. I've only watched three of the Drama Shower shows. I've watched Jack o’ Frost, I watched Tokyo in April, and I watched My Personal Weatherman. Of those three, Jack o’ Frost is easily my favorite, but the shows that I've watched coming out of Japan that weren’t Drama Shower in the last year or two were actually the ones that I enjoyed overall more. So, while I appreciate the role of Drama Shower, what it has done in giving a dedicated time slot, much like in Thailand GMMTV Frigay was a dedicated time slot to help build some bits of the genre. This is kind of similar.

It's a lab, and I think that the genre needs its labs. I think Drama Shower is a good lab, and I'm sure we're going to get another good lab out of Japan again soon. So, yeah, I think that the project was worthy. I only really watched a little bit of it, but I think I could also see how some of the things that it was working through have already started to percolate a little bit through some of the other stuff that we're getting out of Japan. Specifically out of MBS, but also are some of the other places.

00:26:01 - Perfect Propose

Ben

On to our next show: Perfect Propose.

NiNi

Yes, bring it on! I love this show.

Ben

Shan, would you like to describe Perfect Propose for us?

Shan

Sure. Our protagonist Hiro, who is extremely overworked, exhausted, very stressed out by his soul-sucking corporate job, is found, passed out on the sidewalk, by his childhood friend? Sweetheart? Question mark. I think they see that slightly differently, but a childhood friend named Kai, who has also just come into some personal hardship. Kai decides to move in with Hiro to take care of him and also so he has a place to stay. And the story is primarily about Hiro seeing his way out of this really horrible burnout situation that he finds himself in with Kai’s support.

Ben

Second chance romance is my favorite thing in BL [Shan trills] so I had a great time with this show. One of the things the show really focused on was how fucking horrible Hiro's fucking job was.

Shan

Mmhmm.

NiNi

Listen! Oh my God, it was too real.

Ben

I want to talk about that part first because, while I think we all have mostly positive things to say about Hiro and Kai's relationship, I don't want to downplay that particular portion, because the show cared a lot about. And I know, Ginny, you landed on the uncomfortable to slightly put off side of that presentation. It's rare that I see you repulsed when we're watching something. And it was interesting seeing you have a difficult time with that.

Ginny

My issue really was that, as the second half of the show came into play, it became clear that this wasn’t primarily a romance. This was a story about Hiro escaping his soul-sucking corporate job and also being more attentive to his body in the most fundamental sense of, like, his needs as a human being. I felt like I'd been a little bit bait and switched. The setup of the first couple episodes, tt's very much about Kai offering him this physical nurturance, including sexual attention that he was in need of, and possibly their relationship growing. And then it let that be nothing more than a catalyst for Hiro to leave his situation. There was like an episode and a half that were really just fully dedicated to the misery of his job and how and why he was so stuck in it.

I was just like, they're doing this well, but I didn't sign up for it and I'm not enjoying it. [laughs] So that was my experience.

Ben

I respect that. While we're talking about the job stuff, I want to go to NiNi, because I think of all of us, you had the strongest response to the corporate culture stuff.

NiNi

Oh my God, it was like I was seeing myself. So, if you listen to us, you will know that I'm doing this thing where I've restarted my life in my 40s. And the reason that I'm doing it is because I left a job like this. I left a soul-sucking job where I was being gaslit and basically burnt out and destroyed, and so this was almost like a healing drama for me. I would just settle in like, “oh, I'm gonna stab the boss. Oh, he's making him food. I want somebody to make me food. This is so awesome. I'm so glad. Is he gonna get out? I need him to get out. Hell, I need all of them to get out. Why don't they all quit?”

Like, I was having that running commentary in my head while I was watching the show. It was very cathartic for me. I enjoyed everything about it. It was too real. The gaslighting from their boss, especially, was the part that sort of sent me a little bit into a crouch. I was just like, “oh, I'm having flashbacks,” but I needed it. I needed to see Perfect Propose.

It wasn't just an enjoyment for me. It was something I needed to excise from my life and I was able to do it through Perfect Propose. So, it was great for me. The experience was so cathartic. Can't complain about it at all. Fantastic.

Ben

Shan, I remember you having some thoughts because, I don't know that you lived through this sort of stuff directly, but you know colleagues who did.

Shan

Yeah, I'm, I think more on NiNi’s side of the line with this, in that I experienced it as more cathartic and healing. I have been in some toxic workplaces. I've never been in quite the kind of place that Hiro was in in this story like NiNi has. But, I thought it was just a really authentic presentation of that kind of work experience. I thought it was a really genuine representation of the dynamics that can come up in a workplace like that.

One of my favorite things that happened in the show is that Hiro's supervisor left and Hiro became the supervisor, and then he was put in the position of having to drive his team to do the kind of things that he had been driven to do. And he was realizing how limited his options were for breaking that cycle. And I thought that that was just such an important note to include here. It's not the people within the system that are the problem, it's the system itself and it's all reinforcing.

Ben

I was also Hiro in my last job and my team and I, we quit—on my birthday, no less. What an incredible experience. So I started the age of 32 [laughs] unemployed. Which was fun.

I really liked that the show leaned into the work culture aspect of it, that Hiro's previous supervisor was like. “You need to quit, too. Like, I'm leaving. I got a better offer. You are way better than these people allow you to think of yourself as. You should quit, too.” I loved Hiro staying because he thought he needed to insulate his team from that kind of hell. And I love that he failed, spectacularly. Like, he tried to save a younger dev from that and he couldn't.

I really appreciated that they show that there's no amount of effort that overcomes that sort of nonsense. A lot of the times when they do the adult BL, the work part of being an adult feels kind of missing or nebulous. They're mostly using work to recreate the cliquish dynamics of high school to tell those sort of stories, and I really appreciate it that this show, and the next show we're going to talk about actually, don't do that.

I want to refocus now that we've talked about really fucked up, sad work part of this, on the relationship between Kai and Hiro. Part of what locked me in on this show, right away was Kai literally picks passed out Hiro up off the street, takes him back to his house, feeds him some proper food, and then jerks him off so he can go to sleep. Hiro was more than a little overwhelmed by all of this. But that man's skin cleared up the next day.

NiNi

[laughs] He was looking refreshed, restored, rejuvenated.

Ben

We had some complex reactions in our own circle and online about that particular encounter. Ginny, I want to get your commentary on this part because I think you often have the most nuanced appreciation of sexual moments that carry a level of dubious consent. And I wonder if you have any thoughts about that.

Ginny

One thing that you and I have talked about, Ben, is people often put male-female frameworks onto these shows. Which is not to say that consent isn't a problem between men, ‘cause it for sure is. But the way that these dynamics play out and the way that the core relational dynamics between men work is not always comparable and can't always be mapped onto a male-female dynamic.

How I read this scene and how I think it was intended to be read is Hiro can't say, “Oh yes, do this, please,” because he's not in a headspace to accept that this is something that he could want from another man, or really at all. And again, it's really difficult to talk about this without inviting people to map it on all kinds of other situations where it doesn't belong. So please don't do that. But the way this scene is constructed felt very clearly to me like, this is something that Hiro is willing to let happen to him and maybe needs to let happen to him, but is not able to affirmatively say yes to because of where he is in his head, and especially with the way that intimacy develops between the characters later fulfilled the storyline that they set up in that first scene.

NiNi

I feel like this is a place we always land up in with Asian media because of the ways that Asian media portrays and puts forward ideas about what is acceptable sexually, what it is acceptable to want and not want, how it is acceptable to relate in a sexual manner. I feel like these always come up when we're dealing with Asian media. People talk about wanting to change the conversation in Asian media around this kind of stuff, and I fully understand that.

But this story read to me pretty old school yaoi and because of that I got where the headspace of the story was coming from. Like you said, Ginny, this can't be mapped on to everything else. But in this specific story I saw where it was coming from.

Ben

For me, I think I would have been more concerned about their dynamic if not for the morning after conversation in the bathroom. The energy in that scene was Kai being very attentive and almost doing, like, aftercare with Hiro, who was clearly into the dynamic with that whole scene with the hair gel and then him giving him the key so he could stay and then the next episode being like, why has nothing happened since that moment? Which also, like NiNi said, is very old school yaoi.

Shan

Sexual encounters with dubious consent happen a lot in life. It's a thing that happens. I don't need every depiction of it in fiction to be accompanied by someone turning to the camera and saying, “That was dubious consent, and it's bad.” Instead of just letting the context of the story and the characters’ reactions let us know what their headspace was and why it happened.

And I think that the show did that. I think that we understood Hiro and Kai's dynamic well as the show progressed. I think that we saw a pattern develop where Hiro would hope for or want something from Kai, but wouldn't ask for it. And Kai could read him and see what he was going for. I like that Kai got to a point of teasing him about that and pushed him to ask for the things he wants or come right out and say or do something to confirm it. I thought it was quite legible what the show was going for here, so I was not troubled by it. They did a good job of building a believable dynamic for them of Hiro coming to rely on Kai for all kinds of different comforts and as his main source of care and pleasure.

Ben

I think they did a great job conveying that Kai was totally down for Hiro the whole time without it feeling, like, possessive. I particularly enjoyed around—was it episode 5 when they had that kiss on the bench where he's like,”Hirokuni-san, have you made your decision yet?” I thought that was great.

Shan

Pairing that with teasing him with the shots of the delicious dinners he was making at home, that Hiro wasn't making it home to eat. I think the message from Kai always, consistently, was this is all here for you. You just gotta take it. And I like that. That felt adult to me.

Ben

I want to talk about Kai a little bit. We know that Hiro is obviously at the end of his rope when we first see him passed out on the street, people walking past him. We learned fairly quickly that Kai is also kind of at the end of his rope. He's been a neglected, lonely child for a long time, and the only other person who ever seemed to give a shit about him was in the midst of a health crisis, and that guy's son was keeping him away from the dad because he didn't understand their relationship.

NiNi

I really liked, actually, that part of the issue that Kai was having with his boss and his son was that Kai couldn't ask for what he wanted out of the boss. He clearly saw the boss as a father figure and the boss saw him as a son figure, but he couldn't talk about it. It's very Japanese. He couldn't presume and he couldn't put himself in a position where he appeared presumptuous. So he had to take a step back. Be polite. He couldn't say certain things. He couldn't behave in certain ways. This is the situation, I'm going to make myself as small as possible in this situation. And then once it got to the point where he felt like maybe he could have presumed a little more, the son started to understand, “Okay, this is actually sort of a father son dynamic here,” the son backed down immediately. He was just like, “I'm sorry. I didn't understand what you guys were to each other.”

I really liked that. I am often the one who complains about the Japanese non-communication or Japanese communication and how it is frustrating for me, but I thought this was a really good use of it, of Japanese cultural expectations around family and not wanting to be presumptuous about certain things. I really think that it played out really well here. I quite enjoyed that.

Ben

I love the relationship between Kai and the restaurant owner. Few things are more important to a boy than bonding with an older, grumpy man and connecting in the same grumpy way. It's extremely important to your development.

Shan

I like what you said NiNi about Kaiju's inability to communicate what Kenji meant to him and what he was seeking from the relationship, and I like that that was mirrored in Kenji, the restaurant owner, also not being able to say out loud what the deal was, like, why this boy mattered to him. He also kept his mouth shut and didn't explain it to his son, I think for similar reasons. They have a very emotional bond that they both found hard to talk about or justify to other people. I did like that.

I will say, though, that I do think that the Kai side of this show is the weaker element, perhaps of the story. Hiro's narrative was the main narrative, but Kai had a story too, and I do think it didn't get the fullness that Hiro's did, and it was one area where I wanted a little bit more from the show than what we got.

Ginny

This is more to my personal preferences than necessarily show doing right or wrong. I was much more interested in Kai and his situation than in Hiro's situation, so I also would have liked to see more of it. There were a lot of layers to the ways that Kai and Hiro each struggled to take care of themselves or see themselves as deserving care. We did get that fully played through with Hiro and we didn't really get to see Kai’s own dovetailing/mirror image issue of that fully realized and I would have liked to see it.

Ben

Getting back to some of the adult things I really liked in this, I really liked the whole missed opportunity around the festival because Hiro is unable to leave his job and tell him to fuck off. And I really liked Kai, just sort of accepting that disappointment, but getting something kind of interesting out of it by growing the strawberries in the tank they were hoping to use for something else.

I really liked the failure of that moment. Hiro getting mad with himself on Kai's behalf and being frustrated that Kai didn't presume more from him and voicing all of the ways that he kind of was a jerk about the whole festival thing. I think that was one of my favorite moments in the show where Hiro gets mad, but doesn't really have a great outlet for it because he knows he's the one who's at fault. And so Kai's telling him, “It doesn't matter, like, you don't owe me anything,” only frustrated him even more.

NiNi

Yeah, because he wants Kai to expect things of him by that point, and he's not even entirely sure why. But he does want Kai to feel like he has responsibilities towards him.

Ginny

You do see Hiro consistently more upset about other people not getting what they deserve than himself [Shan mmhmms] with Kai in that situation and with his new underlying when he becomes the team lead.

Ben

I'm never getting over that man having a couch that matches the aesthetic of the chairs in his office.

Shan

I clocked that in the first episode and I was so depressed. I was like, no!

[Shan and Ben laugh]

Ben

I remember you pointed it out first.

Shan

I was like y'all, are you seeing these colors? I'm not usually a colors person, either. I don't usually notice that shit. But that was so striking to me that the one pop of color in his entire gray, sad home was that green couch that was the same green as the chairs in his office. Depressing as fuck.

Ben

Before we get to ratings, we gotta do a shout out for Hiori, the junior dev who was clearly a fujoshi who was keyed in right away to watch series.

[all laugh]

Shan

I loved her!

NiNi

She was so ready when they went on the work dinner and she was like, “All right, I'm headed out. I'm going home. Y'all are getting drunk. I'm not sticking around for this, I'm gonna catch the last train” and then Hiro’s drunk and somebody's like, “oh, we're gonna call the guy he's living with.” And she sat back down immediately, like, “He's coming here? I need to see this.”

Shan

Sat her ass right back down and ordered another beer. She was like, “Hell no, I'ma miss that train.”

NiNi

“I'm gonna pay for this Uber ride or this taxi and I'm gonna like it.”

Ben

I loved her. She was like, “Oh, shit, Am I gonna get to see him?” And she got everything she wanted. Kai showed up, sweaty.

Shan

Ooo, sweaty from his run. Mmm.

Ben

Glared at Konoko, like, “Don't you ever fucking put your hands on him ever again, I will fucking kill you. And she was, like, “I got everything I needed.”

[Shan laughs]

NiNi

She didn't even go home after that. She's just like, “Well, I need another drink because that was delightful.”

Ben

I do appreciate that we got to see Hiro, quit that job and stop prioritizing it at the end. Like, he woke up, clearly from them having a good session the night before, like “I ain't answering that fucking phone.” And we saw that the other employees have seemingly maybe left their job because they all looked like they were happy in the park. And they ran into Konoko, as well. So, I feel very relieved by the end of this drama.

Shan

I definitely interpret that group picnic at the end as confirmation that they have all left that awful job.

Ben

Particularly because Sakamoto was also there and I'm really glad that he looked okay.

NiNi

Listen, I was so worried about that kid. I was so worried that I stopped in the middle of my binge to ask. “Listen, you'll need to tell me if this kid is okay, because the last time I saw him, he was having a meltdown. And then they sent him home. And then I have not seen him. So y’all need to tell me that he's fine.” And they were like, “Yeah, he's fine” and then I was able to continue the show.

Ben

So, ratings! NiNi.

NiNi

I gave the show a 9.5. I agree with Shan and Ginny that I wanted to see a little bit more of Kai’s side of the story because I think it was actually quite intriguing. I understand that they didn't have a ton of time and they didn't use their time well, but I would have liked to see a bit more of the Kai side of things.

Ben

Ginny?

Ginny

I gave it an 8.5. I think execution-wise it probably merits a 9, but I did dock it for my own personal enjoyment because it's my rating and I'm allowed.

Ben

Absolutely. Shan?

Shan

I gave it a 9. I agree with basically what NiNi said. I think if they had managed to drive home Kai’s side of the story a little firmer, it would have been a higher score for me. But it's a good show, I really liked it.

Ben

It's not an obvious recommend right away, because then they have to get involved in the discourse and so it’s hard for me to just go, “It's a 10. Go watch it right now!” But I like the show a lot, so I gave it a 9 because there are reasonable knocks on some threads not being fully completed and yaoi considerations around male sex that made me a little bit grumpy to deal with while we were watching this.

It gets a 9 from The Conversation. I liked it a lot, I think it's worth your time.

NiNi

I have to add, whenever I saw Kai’s hands, I kept thinking about the discussion I had with Ben about yaoi hands.

[all laugh]

Ben

He did have yaoi hands.

NiNi

He had massive hands!

Ben

I have started following that actor. His real smile is so fu,n he is worth following on IG.

NiNi

Bestie you know I don't do the socials, but for those of you who do.

Ben

I do. That's what I'm here for.

00:49:27 - Sukiyanen Kedo Do Yaro Ka

NiNi

Moving on to Although I Love You, And You?—Japanese title Sukiyanen Kedo Do Yara ka. Oh my God I can't believe I got that right the first time around.

Ben

Yeah, good job, bestie.

Shan

Good job, NiNi.

NiNi

I'm not gonna get it right again. So, Ben, what is Sukidoya about?

Ben

Sukidoya is a story about a burgeoning romance between a restaurant owner and a corporate salary man who has recently moved to Osaka from Tokyo. Both of these guys are coming out of failed relationships and find friendship and connection in each other. The restaurant owner already is very aware of his own queerness. Meets this guy and has an instant attraction to him and is determined to follow up on it, but decides that he should probably be a bit more cautious this time, particularly because of some of the cultural differences between Osaka and Tokyo. We get to see them try to sort through what their new potential relationship will look like with the complications that ensue.

This was another show that we had a lot of complicated discussions about while we were watching it. Because you have more consternation than others, Shan, we'll let you go first, and then we'll follow up.

Shan

This is a show that I wanted to like more than I ended up liking. I really loved the main characters in this show. I liked that there was what felt like a very adult setup for the romance. These were two adult men with pasts, with romantic histories who had exes that were present in the story and actually had roles to play. They were coming together across differences, both cultural differences and differences in how they had experienced romance in the past, differences in how they relate, differences in their hobbies and personalities. I was very interested in all of that and I was really excited to get what I thought was going to be a pretty adult narrative about figuring out how to be in a relationship together across those differences.

That's not really what the show ended up being about. There was a lot going on in the narrative here and some of it in the end didn't feel like it justified the amount of story time that it got. Some of it felt like it really derailed the story. There I'm speaking primarily about the insertion of a love triangle into the plot that I don't think ultimately served the story or the characters very well. Sakae’s ex, Mizuki, came into the story around the midpoint and I liked his inclusion initially, ‘cause I liked seeing this mature ex that was in the mix. It's very common for people to still have exes in their lives and we don't see it depicted very often in drama, and so I liked that he was around, that he was coming back into Sakae's orbit, that he was bringing up some issues for him that were maybe throwing a little bit of a wrench in this burgeoning romance that he had with Soga. But then the show really took that much further, turned it into a full blown love triangle, had Mizuki pursuing Sakae again, had him intervening in the romance, getting in the way, dating Sakae again briefly. It was a lot, ultimately, I think too much. It took up a lot of story time. It threw off the trajectory of Sakae and Soga’s relationship development. The pacing of the story felt pretty rushed. It felt like we hadn't really gotten to settle into any kind of relationship with them. Candidly, I am not generally a fan of love triangles. They can be done well and they have been, but this is a romance narrative in which a love triangle was kind of awkwardly inserted to create drama, and that's the kind I really don't like. That was a big negative for me on this show and threw off my investment in the romance.

But it's not a show that I wanna be too negative about. I like a lot of what it did. I did like these characters, this smaller town restaurant owner who's really genuine and straightforward, but maybe not the most socially graceful guy. Being into this nerdy, quiet guy who has nothing in common with him, trying to figure out how to relate to each other, trying to figure out how to communicate across their differences. I really liked those aspects of it. I left the drama wishing that we had gotten a story more focused on that and less on all this random stuff that they were throwing in to create conflict. In the end I was a bit frustrated with the show, but I like a lot of what it was doing and I hope that we'll get more shows like this that focus on adult characters.

Ben

I just learned some fun trivia while doing some research.

Shan

Oh?

Ben

NiNi, the screenwriter of Sukiyanen Kedo Do Yara ka is also the screenwriter on Three Star Bar in Nishi Ogikubo.

NiNi

The DNA is there. I could see it.

Ben

This is also one of the same directors who was on Sahara-sensei to Toki-kun.

NiNi

We shall not speak of it, bestie.

Shan

Don't bring them back into this. [laughs]

Ben

Ginny, of all the shows we're going to talk about tonight, you had, I think, the strongest connection to these particular characters, and I really want to hear your thoughts on them.

Ginny

While I agree that narratively the show did not hold together as strongly as it could, in every scene they were written well, they were acted well, they were consistent, they were who they were. And that, I think, was why I loved the show so much, as it played so well on a scene by scene level. Both of these are, in almost completely opposite superficial ways, men who struggle to advocate for what they want in life. Sakae is extremely a pushover. You see, as soon as his ex walks back into the scene, how difficult it is for him to say no and even earlier, as he and Soga are getting to know each other, it's very easy for him to fall into a rhythm of just doing whatever Sogo wants and enjoys and simply not advocating for himself or his interests at all. So he's this very kind of impulsively outspoken character. He keeps saying things that he doesn't mean to say, but when it comes to actually saying what he wants, he's slow to do that.

On Soga’s side, he's very reserved, and kind of doesn't feel confident enough, I think, in his own desires to advocate for them. Even though he clearly likes and feels very drawn to Sakae, he takes so much of the show trying to figure out exactly what that means and waffling on what to do with that. I really like seeing two characters with the same fundamental issue that expresses itself in such different ways come together and try to build a relationship.

My favorite part in the whole show is after they've started dating, they try to work out this conflict resolution system in such a characteristic way. Sakae knows Soga has been married before, so he says, “What was your ex-wife like? What was your relationship like?” Thinking in his head, “I'm going to become exactly like her, because clearly Soga liked her, so that will work out great and I foresee no problems with this.” And so Soga tells him about their conflict resolution style, which is not Sakae’s style at all, but they try it. They both kind of yes, and each other into doing something that's not gonna work for either of them and they try it for a while and then it falls apart and then they talk it out.

It all felt so real to me as a person who struggles to express and sometimes even to know what I want. I've been in relationships on both sides where that's a major factor and they played it out so beautifully realistically, while still feeling very fun. The show always felt light, even when it was headed into kind of a difficult moment between them. It never let the mood sink too much. I loved seeing that dynamic play out between them and the ways that they tried to work towards each other and often worked harder at making the other person happy than making themselves happy and had to kind of figure out how to do both at the same time.

NiNi

I liked you describing it as them yes, and-ing each other, because that's exactly what that felt like. It felt very improv. I really enjoyed that scene a lot.

Ben

I really liked that we got to see a homo jock trying to date a culture person. That was so fuckin’ funny to me. We don't get to see fitness gays that often, and I had such a great time as a result.

NiNi

It was delightful, and it was more of that city mouse, country mouse thing that they were trying to do, it was so fun. I wish that they had leaned more into the differences between them, more than the external factors.

Of the external factors, I really enjoyed the job one coming up and when it came up in the relationship, and the conflict that that posed. But I think that the ex-boyfriend thing was a bridge too far. I think it was important that we saw the ex-boyfriend to understand certain things about Sakae, but I don't think that they needed to drag that out into him trying to get Sakae back kind of thing.

Ben

I liked Mizuki as a character a lot and I liked them showing Sakae having an intimate, intense relationship with another person. I think on the pragmatic side, from talking about this as a drama, I'm more with Shan in that I don't know that this show set us up for the right expectations and that could be a cultural competency part on our part, because of the thing they were playing with, with the Osaka, Tokyo thing. But I was also hoping to spend more time with these guys as a functional couple perhaps than I think we got? I think it's fine for the show to do what they chose to do with their time, but I think I wanted something from the show it couldn't give us. I also got a little bit frustrated that there was way less food in the back half than there was in the front half because I signed up for a food show.

But, they did give me a great baseball moment, so maybe it’s okay.

Shan

[laughs] They did have a really good baseball scene. I was just gonna yes, and you Ben about the food. The food was a strong presence in the first half of the show. And then it did just kind of disappeared. I wouldn’t really call this a food drama, in the end.

I think one other piece that we kind of discussed live while we were watching that I do think is worth mentioning—not to single this show out, but to talk a little bit about a trend that exists, I think, across dramas—there was a quite a spicy sex scene between Sakae and Mizuki in this show. Far spicier than any scene we ended up getting for Sakae and Soga. Feels like a strange choice that they went to that heat level in a scene with his ex and then kept the heat so low on the current relationship.

One of the reasons I don't like it when dramas do that is because it kind of sends a message that only toxic relationships have hot sex in them, and that when you find your right person when you're truly in love, sex is not that important, or it's not part of the dynamic. And I don't think that's a good message. It's not a sex positive message, certainly—and I don't know or think necessarily that the show intended to do that here—but, it is kind of the effect of that choice that a lot of dramas make to only show hot sex in the context of toxic or old relationships and keep the main couple of a show kind of quote unquote pure. That stuck out to me in this show and nothing that came after that scene hit anywhere close to that heat level. So it did kind of stand out as a weird choice to me.

Ginny

In terms of the general trend, I certainly agree. It is worth noting that that scene was specifically happening in Soga’s imagination, so it wasn't like, “This was how it was.” It's like, “This is how Soga is thinking about Sakae and his ex.” Which in the context of the story gives it a very different meaning. But I do certainly agree with what you're saying about the overall trend in media.

Shan

That's a good point, Ginny. It's a fair one to bring up. I do think, though, if the show is willing to go to that heat level, why are they not willing to go there with the main couple?

NiNi

And we do know that they are having a hot time, because at the end when they make back up Soga’s like, “Look, we know we gotta fuck, okay? So let's just get this relationship shit wrapped up before we do.” And I thought that was delightful.

Ginny

So good!

Shan

It was a very funny line, but it also kinda came out of nowhere, ‘cause we hadn't seen any sexual relationship for them. [laughs]

Ginny

We saw some.

Ben

I get where Shan’s coming from, like, they confirmed that the guys are having sex and they deliver some of the prelude and the aftermath. But it stands out with what they showed with Mizuki. I think minus the Mizuki stuff, we probably don't feel that way.

NiNi

In general, I agree with Shan, yes, but I do agree with Ginny as well that this is really Soga’s imagination. Like really pushing up his fears and anxieties and all that stuff.

Ben

I at least got to make a joke about the need for a robust public transport system [Shan and Ginny laugh], because it's what allows them to be compromised in the end of this. I’m like, “You see that? Robust, fast, frequent high speed rail is the only reason that these gays made it.”

NiNi

Public transport is for the gays, that's the new slogan.

So, ratings, how are we rating this one? Ginny, how about you? What do you think?

Ginny

I gave this one also an 8.5 from the opposite direction of Perfect Propose. I think execution wise it deserves a bit lower, but I enjoyed it so much that I bumped us up to 8.5.

Ben

Shandler?

Shan

I gave it a 7.5 because the execution issues really really bothered me. I think ultimately I really wanted to love it and I was disappointed that I didn't.

Ben

NiNi?

NiNi

I liked all the Osaka stuff. I liked how homey they made Osaka feel. I liked the female coworker who, having been pushed back, decided to become a full on supporter and get these two guys together. I gave it an 8. I had a good time with it. I think it was well done. I could have done without most of the Mizuki arc, but, I enjoyed it.

Ben

I did like Kanda a lot too, and his friend Kanada [Kaname]? Oh man, I really like the friend support group, but this show didn't come together fully for me. I struggle to really talk about it and give a clear recommendation for it, so it's a 7.5 for me.

Which averages out to a 7.89ish. We'll give it an 8. I think that's fair.

NiNi

I think it's fine for it to get an 8 from The Conversation.

Ben

We liked it. Even though it was not exactly what I think any of us was wanting.

01:04:44 - I Want To See Only You

NiNi

Next up, we're gonna talk the latest entry, actually: I Want to See Only You.

Ben, what is I Want to See Only You about?

Ben

It is about how we all really, really loved Kura Yuki in [laughs] His: I Didn't Mean to Fall in Love, and we needed another show with him.

Shan

Oh, man, you're struggling. You can't even deliver the joke, sir, [laughs] ‘cause it's so ridiculous.

[Ben laughs]

Ben’s just trying to score a point off me right now, but it's not working. [laughs]

Ben

Kimi no Koto Dake Mite Itai, aka I Want to See Only You, is a four episode Japanese BL, partially funded by Hulu—that was kind of interesting—in which two boys in high school go through a friends-to-lovers arc. One of them has been nursing a crush for a long time on his friend, and confesses to his friend, and they deal with the complications that ensue from that in a way that I thought was really gentle and wholesome. This was a very short story, but I enjoyed it a lot.

Because it's not that complicated! They've been childhood friends. One of them reveals that he has stronger feelings than just friendship, and the other guy just begins to process that, and we get this really interesting dynamic where they're figuring out what the changes to their relationship are going to be. There's not any real complicating drama here. It's really just about these guys sorting their shit out.

Shan

Yeah, I mean, this show is just uncomplicated. It is heartwarming. It is cute as fuck. It is two nice boys being kind to each other while they navigate a change in their relationship. It's really as simple as that. Sakura confesses to Yuma. Yuma processes the confession. They have a lovely kiss around the fire pit. It's so straightforward and I loved it. It was just nice to watch something that is gentle and kind and lovely, and that's what it is.

I really like this show. I think it's a great serotonin hit—a quick one. And definitely recommend folks watch it.

Ben

Ginny and Nini, did you have time to watch this show?

Ginny

I did not even know it existed until I saw it on the show notes and I was like, “What's that? Oh, well, I'm already doing another show as my homework.”

NiNi

I watched it. It was very short, very sweet. I came away just with the feeling of having really enjoyed watching something, like being wrapped in a nice warm blanket. Watching these two soft boys have a soft time and then all the kooky characters around them. This is one of the things about this kind of Japanese drama that I enjoy, which is all the kooky side characters.

So you've got the two teachers, you've got the girl who has the crush on—I can't remember which boy she has a crush on—and then the boy who has the crush on her. It's so fun. It's so delightful. The teachers are the second best part of the show. I love the teachers so much.

It's just fun. It's sweet. It doesn't require a lot of you. It's very wholesome. I enjoyed it thoroughly.

Ben

I was being really goofy at the beginning of this, but I like Kura Yuki a lot and I'm really glad we got to see him in BL again. I thought he was really good in the His prequel, and I really enjoy getting to see him again.

NiNi

He has really sad eyes, which I actually really enjoyed.

Shan

Yeah, he has a really emotive face, I think. I'm excited to see him keep doing more shows.

Ben

There's really not that much more to say. This is a really quick, really gentle show. If you need a really good mood boost, I recommend it.

Ratings! Shan?

Shan

I gave this a 9. It is straightforward. It is sweet. It's an easy watch. Highly recommended.

Ben

NiNi?

NiNi

I also give it a 9. It's incredibly straightforward and cute. I enjoyed it. I like that they couldn't quite figure out how to shift their relationship from friends to boyfriends. They were dating and they're like, “Should we be doing, like, other stuff?” But they were just doing the same stuff that they had always done. I found that delightful.

Ben

I gave it a 9.5 for the terrible pasta they made. [Shan and NiNi laugh]

Shan

We forgot to talk about the pasta!

NiNi

The pasta was so bad.

Shan

[still laughing] Those boys really went outside and picked some tomatoes and just tossed them fully, without any chopping, into a pan and stirred them around a lil bit and put them on top of some fucking limp noodles and called that spaghetti.

Ben

Zero notes. [laughs]

NiNi

The pasta was still semi-crunchy. It was delightful. It was so high school. It was the most high school thing I've ever seen.

Shan

[still laughing] Raw tomatoes and, like, unseasoned noodles? Amazing.

Ben

I really loved it. For your context Ginny, this is when the boys are trying to figure out the shift in their relationship and they make a list of things they wanna do together. Making pasta with the tomatoes they were growing in the school garden was one of those things. And I thought that was a really lovely idea and super romantic. And then because they're a bunch of high school boys who barely know how to cook, they fucked it up badly. But they had a good time together. It was great.

Shan

It was so good.

Ginny

Incredible.

NiNi

Seriously, Ginny, it's a short watch. It's an easy watch. If you're ever in the mood for something to just lift your mood, I suggest watching it.

Ben

So it gets a 9 from The Conversation. It's worth your time. Please go watch it.

01:10:55 - I Became the Main Role of a BL Drama

NiNi

On to the main event, which Ben has literally been waiting to talk about since we recorded the winter series. We're finally going to talk about I Became the Main Role [of] a BL Drama. Ben, you've been basically building up to this moment. Go right ahead.

Ben

I Became the Main Role of a BL Drama is about how these two boys will drown the audience in the BL goodness. [Shan laughs]

NiNi

Oh God.

Ben

It is a BL about making a BL, which is a lot of fun. No shade against Thailand in this, but when they do self-critical BL it's not always the most fun experience because there's a lot of real grievances the people making it need to air—and I completely respect that. But it also can be kind of a downer. When Japan makes fun of BL, they end up seeming to have more fun poking at the nature of the genre and delivering on the comedic beats without it just feeling like a bitch session.

So, in this particular show, we have Aoyanagi Hajime, who is a former child actor who was struggling a bit with his career and trying to figure out how to move forward, and he gets an opportunity to be one of the leads in a BL production against a up-and-coming idol, Akafuji Yuichiro. They are working on a workplace BL and we're mostly on the set of them filming this show. We don't get to see the show itself. I really wish we would get to see the show they made, it looks great.

They're starting to work on the show, and the two guys do not seem to have much chemistry. The reason we learn is because Yuichiro is actually an Aoyanagi Hajime stan, who is internally freaking out the whole time because he's this close to his idol. And they suggest the two guys live together to build up their chemistry. Their relationship gets complicated as they start to develop something between each other, and this complicates their relationship on set as well. But we mostly spend that time unpacking Aoyanagi’s confidence issues.

This was my favorite show. Before I just start gushing about how beautiful I find Akutsu Nichika, Ginny, thoughts on the show?

Ginny

I love this show so much. Just hearing you talk about it, I was feeling little bubbles of delight remembering all of the different scenes and moments and setups. It was just exquisite. It was so fun and so funny. Very comic, but also felt true to these people as people. Love seeing the cheeky BL commentary. Love seeing Abe Alan play this cool, up-and-coming popular idol, who is just smitten with this kind of no-name, famous-for-one-ad guy and just is flailing around, having to try to act BL.

One of the best moments any BL drama will ever give us is him asking Hajime to record that one kinda bitchy line he says for fap material. [Ben and Shan laugh] God, that's the funniest thing that's ever happened to me personally.

Ben

We will not do that scene justice describing it because it's not just about the dialogue of the scenario. It is staged really well. The blocking is a huge part of the joke in that one, because of what other people know or don't know in the background. It's really a great sequence of the show.

NiNi

I loved all of the blocking in that show, all of the stage direction, all the stuff that's happening in the background of all the scenes when they're on set is hilarious. Japanese shows will always reward you for paying attention to what's happening in the background of a scene. And this show, in particular, the background of every scene, is just phenomenal. It is delightful.

Ben

We cruised into the new year watching this show.

Shan

It was both the last show of 2023 and the first show of 2024 for us.

Ben

This show ended, I was like, “We've already decided the winner [laughs] for ‘24. Everybody, pack it up.”

Shan

I love this show. It's a great example of a super high velocity comedy where it's just joke, joke, joke, joke, joke coming at you from all sides in every moment of the show, not just through the dialogue, but through the scenery, through the blocking, through the things that other characters are doing just out of the frame. This thing is just packed, packed, packed with jokes, and so every time you watch it, you will see new stuff that you missed last time. There are so many gags in this, it's just so well done. The command you have to have to deliver comedy in that way with this extremely zippy pacing, in that super-packed content to shove it all into this three hour package. It's just so impressive. It's the kind of precision that most productions can only aspire to.

There was such good visual jokes in this. The reveal that Akafuji had been wearing a fan T-shirt [laughs] underneath his clothes in scenes. There was a fantastic scene with a leg kabedon.

Ben

Hold on, this is fun. Let's go around the group with a gag that we remember until we run out. Shan gave two. NiNi?

NiNi

I mean, I feel like the leg kabedon was a moment, because when I finally watched the show, I literally said, “Did he just do a kabedon with his leg?” and I was instructed [Ginny and Shan laugh] in the ways of Japanese media in that moment.

Shan

Sure did!

Ben

Ginny?

Ginny

Him running after Hajime carrying his Hajime standee.

Ben

After he had previously used it as a shield. [laughs]

Ginny

Yeah.

Ben

One of the gags I enjoyed was all Aoyangi mentioning he was called a bad kisser by his ex, and Akafuji just checks out for that moment, like he's not even listening to the rest of the conversation. He just keeps repeating “moto kono,” referring to the ex-girlfriend over and over again because he's spiraling over it. I enjoyed that one a lot.

[all laugh]

NiNi

Speaking of spiraling! Him fighting with the showerhead.

Shan

[Ginny and NiNi laugh] Oh my God! The showerhead! I still don’t understand what he was doing in that scene, but it was so funny.

Ben

It represents his sexual desire almost being out of control.

Shan

Oh, I got that part. [laughs] I just don't understand what the character was doing.

[Ginny laughs]

Ben

Struggling.

NiNi

When he nearly kissed Aoyanagi, then he went outside and basically hung over the balcony railing [laughs]. Just had a meltdown just from being close enough to almost kiss him.

Ben

The spinning scene on the steps where I was like, “He's gonna kill that boy.” [Ginny laughs]

Shan

Yes! When they were like, twirling each other around on a concrete stairway. [Ben laughs]

There were so many good supporting characters in this, too. I really liked the initial pitch scene with the producers who are describing the vision for the show.

Ben

That was fucking fantastic.

NiNi

Oh my God!

Shan

The level of intensity that they were bringing to their description of this super fucking basic office BL. [laughs]

Ben

Our follow[ers] did not understand the way I lost my shit over this show after the first episode. From the “I will drown the audience in the BL goodness” scene, I was like, “This is it, y'all. This is the show.”

Shan

This is the one.

Ben

“Everyone else can go. I'm done. I found what I needed.”

NiNi

So funny, and literally every time she was on screen, whether it was foreground or background, she was killin’ it. I loved her.

Shan

Every performer in this show was so dialed in at all times, whether they were the focus of a scene or not, they were always doing something important and funny in the background. There was also, of course, the great runner with the managers—

Ginny

The managers!

Shan

—who were carrying on a secret romance.

Ben

We saw them interacting like, “Are they exes? Are they together? What's goin’ on?”

Shan

It was clear somethin’ was going on there from the start.

Ben

They know each other, that's for sure.

Ginny

Mmhmm.

NiNi

They definitely know each other.

Ginny

They know each other.

Shan

They know each other. I was very surprised by the spicy reveal we got [laughs] about their relationship.

NiNi

It was kind of spicy, wasn't it? There was choking involved.

Shan

And then also Ryoga, who was brought in to be a co-star in the show. He was, like, a very well known actor/influencer, I think?

Ben

He was a member of a boy band and they were bringing him in for additional crossover appeal. ‘Cause his strong point was his arrogance. [Ginny and Ben laugh] He walks in the room and they're like throwing fucking feathers for him. And then he starts helping them pick it up. “Thanks for throwing the feathers, guys.” [all laugh]

Shan

This drama! Three episodes, it had a small cast, but it did so much with what it had.

Ben

We were only with this show for two hours, but boy was that a great time.

NiNi

It was so much fun. The producer, the look on her face in the background when the two of them were flirting on set and she caught them? [Shan laughs] Her face was slowly lighting up. [laughs]

Ben

She's like—

Shan

So happy.

Ben

—”Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know.” [all laugh]

I love the manager glaring at his own fucking ward. He's like, “Can you read that line again for me?” and he glares at him. [Ben and Ginny laugh]

Shan

Oh man.

Ben

In terms of the BL commentary, that was fun. There's the whole ramp up of you get selected for a role, you don't really know your costar, there's the reading of the material.

One of the things I really enjoyed with this is that they delved into Aoyanagi really struggling with the fact that he was unable to build rapport with his co-star right away. I like actors getting to play actors and stuff. When Aoyanagi was acting as his character, he was actually really good and was really dialed in. It was really cool how quickly he could go in and out of character. I really liked them showing that he's actually good, but he's in his own head about it because he's really sensitive to commentary from fans, and they reinforce how fan behavior has really potentially negative impacts on actors and entertainers with Kuromiya. He gets cornered by a really aggressive fan, and has to be saved by Aoyanagi in that moment.

I actually liked the moment with Tendo, the female supporting character on their cast, when Aoyanagi’s trying to talk to her about what's going on with Akafuji and he's speaking about it hypothetically, and she's like, “If your co-star is trying to make out with you off set, that's not good.”

Shan

Mmhmm.

Ben

“That's extremely bad.” And he's like, “Wait, but this is a BL story, we're gonna just ride it out for this.” But she's like, “Mmm, no.”

Shan

Aside from how very fucking funny this is, it had some really good messages. The most important thing this show did for me was make it super clear that, in order for the two of them to have a real relationship and have a romance, Akafuji had to let go of being Aoyanagi’s fan. You can't idolize and worship a person if you want a relationship with them. You have to process them as a human being, a full human being, and see them fully for who they are, and not keep them on this fannish pedestal. I really like that the show was clear about that. Being a fan, being a stan of somebody, is not the same thing as loving them.

Ben

It was really surprising as well that the show allowed there to be the commentary about the network, late in production, interfering—getting cold feet about something. The guys had a lot of consternation about whether or not they'd be able to deliver a proper kiss for the intimacy, and then the powers that be pulled the kiss, and you get the sense immediately from the producers that that wasn't their choice, that people with money above them made that decision and they had to just deliver the party line and just accept it.

Shan

That probably brings us to our one real criticism of this show, yeah?

Ben

The reason why the show did not get a 10. [laughs]

Shan

Damn it, we wanted it to get a 10!

Ben

I get what they were going for. They reserved that moment for them. But I'm looking at you TV Asahi.

Shan

Because, they did not deliver a kiss.

Ben

They didn't.

Shan

They did not deliver a kiss in this show. [laughs]

Ben

It’s the only knock.

Shan

They teased a kiss continuously. They showed them about to kiss multiple times before cutting the camera away.

Ben

We got sad kissing in episode 2.

Shan

They implied that they might have been kissing as practice off camera, that we didn't see. And then they ended the show—similarly to Cherry Magic—with the camera zooming in on them, about to kiss, and then a cut to black. It was unsatisfying all around.

It's the one real ding on the show. The first time they did the fake out, we were like, “Oh no, show. Please don't do this. We want to love you unreservedly. Please just deliver the kiss.”

Ben

That's the real sadness of our two grab bags. We did not get a NiNi “I love this unreservedly” and we talked about like 10 shows. [Ben and Shan laugh]

NiNi

Everything's got a little ding to it right now, but we'll get that again, I believe.

Ben

[laughs] But genuinely I love this. I really like that for the little time we spent with them, all the characters felt really human to me in a way that was really accessible. And even though they were mostly broad strokes in all of these characters, I got a lot out of it. It was really, truly one of my favorite BL experiences I've had in a long time.

NiNi

I'm gonna give it a 9.75.

Ben

Oh, my God, here she goes.

Shan

[laughs] She’s cheating! That’s just cheating—

Ginny

Cheating!

Shan

—so you can be the most generous.

NiNi

It's not cheating. It is producer privilege. Get it right. [Ginny and Shan laugh]

Ben

Ginny?

Ginny

I gave it a 9.5. Would have been a 10 if they'd given us the kiss, but a truly delightful and worthwhile show.

Shan

Same. 9.5 for same reason.

Ben

I gave it a 9.5 for the same thing. It's a 9.5 from The Conversation.

Shan

But let the record state that NiNi is the most generous. [laughs]

Ben

Truly, we love this. This is one of our favorites. Go watch it right now.

Ginny

I have to rewatch it ‘cause I don't even remember my favorite gags.

Ben

Exactly. You gotta go watch again and get your gags back.

01:26:16 - Outro

NiNi

And with that, we have come to the end of our Japanese Grab Bag. So, what are we thinking about Japanese BL having just run down six of them in a row? Ginny, you go first.

Ginny

Last time I answered this question I was kind of feeling like Japanese BL can do no wrong, and now I feel like, well it can, and has. There have been several less than perfect shows. Still feeling very positive overall. Loving so far—knock wood—some of what's currently airing.

The beautiful density of storytelling that Japanese BL tends to deliver in such a short time, it almost never feels hollow or incomplete. It feels very rich and detailed, and I continue to love and appreciate that.

Ben

Shan?

Shan

I am just living right now. What a time to be alive. Japanese BL coming at us, all the time, consistently. It didn't used to be like this. We used to go long stretches with nothing coming out from Japan. No clue what was gonna come next. And now it’s like, we've got these consistently airing shows, we've got shows that are showing up as a surprise alongside that. I think at one point we had six different Japanese QLs airing simultaneously. That's just an unheard of bounty of Japanese QL content, and I am so happy about it. I hope it continues.

With volume, of course, comes some shows that are not gonna hit as well as the cream of the crop, but I still love the experience of watching all of them, I love getting to dig into this much Japanese content. I'm just so happy and I hope it continues.

Ben

I can't believe we got to talk about nine Japanese projects in a single season of this show. That's ridiculous.

Shan

Wow, right?

Ben

I am having a great time, and I'm actually glad some of these shows were flops or duds. As much as I really like Japanese BL, I'm glad that there was a show that I got to genuinely hate in this run [laughs] so that NiNi could see that I'm capable of hating a Japanese project with my whole heart.

NiNi

I did actually need to see that. That is true.

Ben

I'm havin’ a great time. It's really refreshing that so many different networks were involved. We had shows from about five or six different networks, and even if it feels like we're getting a slowdown in spring, I am very glad that we have more projects on the way. There's at least two more Japanese projects on the horizon, so. I'm in a really good place.

NiNi

There's some stuff in there, I think, that we're going to talk about in the Lagniappe about where things seem to be going next season, but for now, that's going to be it from us.

We out. Say bye to the people, everybody, this time in actual chorus: 1, 2, 3.

Ben

Peace.

Shan

Bye.

Ginny

Bye!

NiNi

Oh my God. Y'all are terrible at this.

[Ginny and Shan laugh]

#ben and nini's conversations #lgbtq #podcast #the conversation #on art #bl series #spring series #japanese bl #sahara sensei to toki kun #sukiyanen kedo do yaro ka #although i love you and you #perfect propose #i became the main role of a bl drama #bl drama no shuen ni narimashita: crank up hen #one room angel #i want to see only you #kimi no koto dake mite itai #Spotify

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tiny-sassy-aggressive · 11 months ago

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I am living blogging my reaction to the second watch through of WDAPTEO 4 bc the first run through was so much

00:00- I screamed when I saw the notif. I was alone in the car. Just pulled up to my apt looked at my phone and screamed “ no way “ I still can’t believe we got it

00:01- hi, they are SO BEAUTIFUL I’m squealing. I cannot stop staring it’s embarassing

00:27 what’s going on here? “Nothing” my heart. The smiles

00:50 oh I am LOVING the feature wall. And fish tank reveal project??

01:00 how dare they throw THAT japhan photo up there like it’s just some example. Who the hell do they think they are- also I want that doomed hoodie :( he is snug as a bug in a rug

01:50 terror not even 2 minute in and crack

02:03 I’m sorry Dan asking Phil about TikTok stuff is precious

02:13(What is cba)

02:39 I CACKLED. Phil’s sarcastic ass omg

02:44 dans little pat

02:58 phivorce

03:05 I know the ft, they are friends of course. But seeing the messages really warms my heart. Like it’s so normal why am I emotional

03:52 of course Phil sends millions of memes

04:10 how in the fuck did Phil catch his phone what??? Ft dans face during the whole interaction.

Ad time —— 04:25. Im sorry Dan looks fucking amazing, his hair is so curled and pretty? And he looks so comfy cozy and soft??? My Dannie side is really coming out rn

04:59 handsome devil, damn straight. Love this man he’s too precious for this world

05:23 🍑

05:55 are the Brits okay??? Bone daddies?? I’m too American for this

06:30 perfectly encapsulated Dan and Phil energy

06:35 Dan saying dude scratches a weird itch in my brain

06:55 again! Totally normal to call a friend in a taxi. But this moment makes them so real in my mind like yes. Call that friend. In that taxi. Make it less awkward. Why did I like this moment so much

07:05 A PRETEND CONVO OF COURSE HE WOULD. He’s so real for that

07:34 “these are very dan and Phil”

07:42 I’m in pain. Koala content and ouch I can’t even put into words

08:44 three days without a text sounds exaggerated. Or lie. Like cmon. All those messages and convos and yall went 3 days without a word?? Sounds fake

08:58 asking what he should do for his nails!!? Again totally normal but UGH I love their friendship

09:01 also Phil coming in with a STELLAR idea, hope to see it happen

09:11 Phil’s a little shit OMG he hated the nails Dan got.

09:38: dans precious little selfies

09:44 also who tf is that that does not look like Dan

09:52 wtf do you mean that they had the same weird Swedish bakery???? 10 years apart???? WHAT THE HELL??????

10:35 fuckin nerds ft cute ft selfie

10:52 Dan in Phil’s glasses hi what the fuck? Precious. Phil loves to take photos of Dan sleeping.

11:02 jump. Scare.

11:28 PHIL CALLED HIS MOM. NURSE LESTER.

12:11 Dan stalking the ring doorbell is not something I expected?

12:20 glad to know Phil and I share that we can’t hear someone saw our name bc it’s too intimate

13:16 ordering a roast dinner is so cute idk why

13:35 jump. Scare.

14:26 I hate them :( i so long for what they have

15:04 they didn’t see death note the musical!! Haters!!!!

15:20 HOT

16:00 Phil papping Dan>>>>>>

16:20 I rewatched this part so many times. Thsi entire sequence. This whole. Dare i say SCENE. Disgustingly familiar. Disgustingly cute. I- karaoke game???? What??? It was for them

17:06 omatone :(

18:22 hot? Worrying? Hmm???

18:45 Phil is so dramatic I love him

19:01 genre to dinner? I don’t get them

19:10 DAAAAAN AHHHHH

19:20 SCRIPTS AH???????3@2/9/@/9@22929 more writer Dan

20:17 this is so familiar

20:50 this has “would you still love me if I was a worm” energy? Can’t explain

22:53 “we dan and phil-ed it” we have to steal that! Asap’

23:24 when Dan sits up he is soooo much taller than Phil but he constantly slumps down and looks up to Phil. It’s very cute to watch.

24:30 oh they are fully embracing the joint channel and slowly moving away from gaming and honestly. I’m alright with it. They look so happy

Guys this was too much. So I just started reading fanfic and these conversations were right out of what I’ve been reading which is very odd tbh? But we were fed. This was amazing content and I can’t wait to see what the writers do with this. Cheers

#amazingphil #dan and phil #daniel howell #phil lester #dnp #philip lester #dan howell #danisnotonfire #dan and phil renaissance #Daniel and Philip #Daniel Howell and Philip Lester #Wdapteo 2023

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ultram0th · 1 year ago

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31 Days of Derek Hale

Day 13: Clown

Info │ 01 │ 02 │ 03 │ 04 │ 05 │ 06 │ 07 │ 08 │ 09 │ 10 │ 11 │ 12 │ 13

Derek practically whimpered like a wolf pup as he watched his husband, Stiles, slowly slump to the couch. The usually vibrant and cheerful human had been going through some hardships at work, and it’d really affected his mood; thus, the normally smiley and singsongy Stiles was all gray and sulky. The alpha werewolf frowned as he saw Stiles’s thin shoulders rise and fall with a sigh.

On a normal day, Derek was the grumpy one, mad at the world and scowling at every living creature that dared to cross his path; and Stiles would be his anchor, calming him down with a simple kiss on the cheek or by placing a warm hand on his broad shoulder. Now that the roles were evidently reversed, Derek was struggling to find out the right things to do/say, empathy never really being one of his strong suits.

“Babe?” Derek asked as he walked over to the couch and placed a hand on his husband’s shoulder as he would’ve done had the roles been swapped. “Um… have you tried not thinking about it?”

Stiles’s frown deepened and he rubbed at his temples, making Derek feel guilty.

Derek flinched and quickly tried to make things better. “Got a headache?” he asked, already dashing to the bathroom. “I’ll grab you some Ibuprofen!”

As Derek leaned over the sink, images of his sad husband kept replaying in his mind, making him grimace. He felt guilty for not being able to cheer up Stiles like he would do for him whenever he was moody. He couldn’t help but feel a little helpless and, what was worse, was that whenever he felt like this, it was usually Stiles who convinced him of otherwise with a little corny joke.

Derek loved his husband with all of his heart, and it pained him to see Stiles sad. He missed his smile, he missed his laugh.

“Damn it,” Derek cursed under his breath, “I wish I could cheer him up.”

The second the words left his mouth, Derek felt a shudder ripple through him. The sensation morphed into an odd tingling that consumed his whole body before fading, but not before being reduced to a tickle that actually made Derek laugh.

“Hyuck! Hyuck!” Derek guffawed, his normal throaty chuckle sounding more like a cartoonish wail that was comically deep. The werewolf jerked back and cleared his throat, wondering why he’d just laughed like that.

He shook it away and opened up the mirror cabinet to grab some Ibuprofen for Stiles, gasping when he saw his reflection after closing it.

His normally jet-black hair was green! Derek dropped the small pills in shock as he ran a shaky hand through his green hair, his eyes wide at the vibrant color that would without a doubt, draw a lot of attention his way.

“What’s, *giggle, wrong with my hair— Hyuck! Hyuck!” Derek laughed again. This time, he finally realized that he’d been smiling the entire time. Although he was confused and slightly panicked over what was happening to him, his face looked alight with zeal. His pearly whites were on full display, which brought about something new to him. Derek had always had larger front teeth, Stiles sometimes referring to them as Bunny Teeth, but his eyes widened when he saw them grow in size until they protruded over his bottom lip, effectively giving him over-exaggerated buck teeth.

Derek barely had time to react to his large teeth before he witnessed his nose shudder. Its skin reddened drastically until it looked cherry red, even taking on a shimmery sheen. It then steadily inflated, rounding out until Derek had a red clown nose affixed to his face.

“I look ridiculous!” Derek giggled, still grinning widely despite his inner panic.

The altered werewolf’s first thought was to rush to Stiles, knowing that his husband would figure out what was happening to him. Derek quickly hurried out of the bathroom, stumbling over his feet as he moved. Derek’s eyes widened even further when he witnessed his feet elongating past their usual size thirteen, growing comically huge with large stumpy toes capping them.

With each step he took, Derek’s new feet slapped loudly against the hardwood floors and he struggled to maintain his balance. His gait resembled someone more clumsy, struggling to walk a straight line. He kept bouncing against the walls, knocking over pictures and causing a ruckus as he moved.

With a loud giggle, Derek waddled into the living room where Stiles moped. His husband took one look at him and scrunched up his eyebrows in confusion.

“Der?” he asked. “What are you doing?”

Instead of asking for help, Derek heard himself laugh, “Hyuck! Hyuck! I heard that there’s someone who’s a little down!” He cringed at how he was acting, this cheery clown attitude a direct contrast with his usual self.

Stiles just stared blankly ahead. “Huh?”

“Want a balloon?” Derek happily asked. “I got a real big one for you!”

With large, flailing motions, Derek searched all around his clothes. His busy show wouldn’t allow him to display his shock over the bright neon colors that his black clothes had been magically dyed to. Derek felt as if he were a passenger in his own body, hearing himself speak and feeling himself move, but he didn’t have any control. He was helpless as he behaved like some sugary sweet clown, unable to stop smiling and giggling the entire time.

When Derek couldn’t find a balloon, he frowned before perking up with an a-ha motion. Pursing his lips and whistling through his large buck teeth, he unzipped his now bright yellow pants and let them fall to the ground.

He exaggeratedly gasped as he looked down at his soft cock, grabbing at his green hair. “Oh no!” he chirped. “You don’t want that small balloon!”

He winced at calling himself small, but then flinched when he saw the corner of Stiles’s mouth slowly pull upward. Seeing Stiles doing so sent a fluttering feeling through Derek’s chest, and he started to feel a little excited, his panic steadily fading.

Derek felt himself stick his thumb in his mouth and take in a deep breath, puffing out his chest. He then puffed out his cheeks and acting like he was blowing air into himself, pausing every so often to take a deep breath.

Stiles let out a little chuckle.

Derek felt himself perk up, his cock instantly rocketing to attention. It swelled up and stood out in front of him. Derek dropped his thumb from his mouth and gestured towards his hard cock.

“Ta-da!” he cheered, puffing his chest back out and setting his hands onto his hips proudly as he pushed his hips forward so that his rock hard member was closer to his husband.

Finally, Stiles’s face broke out into a loud smile and he started to laugh.

At seeing his husband finally laughing and being able to see his beautiful smile again, Derek’s cock throbbed and began to leak precum. His own smile was back in full force.

“Oh, thank you, Der,” Stiles cooed as he sat up and gave his husband a big hug. “You always know how to cheer me up.”

“Hyuck! Hyuck!” Derek guffawed, his face blushing wildly as Stiles kissed his cheek lovingly. Seeing the love of his life smiling again, Derek figured that as long as it made his husband happy, he was fine with being a werewolf clown.

#31 days of derek hale #derek hale #tyler hoechlin #Clown #Clown TF #Hair change #voicechange #foot growth #loss of control #stiles stilinski #sterek

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jeankluv · 6 months ago

Text

But daddy I love him - Satoru Gojo [ch.04]

short series

summary: If there was a phrase that could describe you, it was; good girl. You had been a good girl all your life, following your father's orders and being as modest as possible. You had focused your entire life on being a perfect lady, one who could be a good wife in the future. This is how you had been raised and how you had been instructed. But your whole world was shaken when one warm summer morning, your eyes met the bold, defiant and sharp gaze of a young man with white hair.

tags: +18, female!reader, set in 1700s-1800s, loss of virginity, misogyny language and thinking, oral sex, fingering, innocent oc, unsafe sex, vaginal sex, manipulative, eating disorders, abusive parents, no use of y/n, mentions of pregnancy, mentions of abortion

notes: next chapter will be the last one, if I don’t come up with something but I doubt, the ending is already decided so it will be next chapter and then the epilogue. Also I changed the picture, the new one is from a manhwa called Secret lady (highly recommended), the art is beautiful and the main couple are 🔝

chapter words: 4,3k

Jujutsu Kaisen materialist

ch.01 | ch.02 | ch.03 | ch.04 | ch.05 | epilogue

His fingers ran up and down your bare back, causing your skin to tingle with each touch. Slowly, you opened your eyes, meeting Satoru's intense blue gaze as he watched you intently.

"Hi..." Hi whispered before connecting your lips in a tender kiss. "You are precious."

You shook your head and a playful smile appeared on your lips. "I'm sticky."

Satoru chuckled, the sound sending a shiver down your spine. "Maybe we could bath together. Does that sound good?"

A thrill ran through you at the suggestion and you nodded enthusiastically. “That sounds perfect.” You replied, your voice low and hoarse with desire.

Satoru rises from the bed and walked towards your bathroom. You gently sat on the bed, you felt your hips and lower part sore. With the wrinkled sheets of your bed you covered your body and looked out the window, the sun had not yet set but it was already low in the sky, there probably wouldn't be much left before it would set on the horizon and the warm summer night would arrive.

Satoru left the bathroom and approached your bed, where he gently picked you up and carried you to the bathtub. You felt like a princess, even like a goddess under her caresses and affections. Inside the water, you tried to cover yourself with your arms but Satoru stopped you and started soaping your skin.

“I thought we were going to bath together.” You murmured.

Satoru smiled. “You want that?”

“I… I mean I read it on a novel that lovers would do that.” You lowered your head, submerging it slightly in the water.

"Alright." He said, standing up and taking off the little clothing he was wearing, your eyes drifted away, embarrassed to see him like that again.

He got into the bathtub, causing some of the water to come out. Satoru sat behind you and you could feel his cock hit your ass. A shiver ran through your body as you remembered the night before, the pleasure, the kisses, his touches and how well it felt having him inside of you.

“You're tense.” He whispered against her skin as he took the sponge and began running it over your back.

“It's just… this is all new.” You said embarrassed.

"And you do not like it?" He inquired.

You nodded. “It feels good, it feels…intimate.” You looked over your shoulder at him and he smiled warmly at you.

With his free hand he grabbed your chin and connected your lips in a hungry kiss. His tongue entered you and he began to play with yours, causing moans to come out of your throat and your cunt to begin to get wet.

He bit your lip and dropped the sponge he was holding in his other hand. You stared at him, trying to read his movements. His large hands rested on either side of your hips and grabbed you, turning you so that you were both facing each other. More water fell out of the tub and you were kneeling in front of him, half your body out of the water.

Satoru looked at your face and then took a quick look at your breasts before cupping them in his hands. Throwing your head back you let yourself be invaded by the pleasure that his soft touch caused on your skin.

You bit your lower lip hard as you felt his thumb brush your nipple and send stimuli throughout your body. He leaned close to you and with his eyes still focused on you, he caught your nipple in his mouth.

“S-satoru…” You trembled, feeling your body weak under him.

Satoru continued with his mouth on your nipple and lowered his hand to your pussy, where he gently caressed it, causing you to hold on to the bathtub so as not to lose the little balance you had left. Two of his fingers entered you and began to move in and out.

Your body felt hot and the blood that ran through your veins accelerated with each penetration. Your body wanted more of him, more of his touch, more of his lips, more. But you also wanted to touch him, you wanted his cheeks to blush like yours, to cry with pleasure and moan your name.

Releasing one of your hands, you put it into the water and grabbed his member, you had read about it in your books, about how the protagonists gave pleasure to their lovers by moving their hand around their cocks. Satoru growled when he felt your hand grab him and he pulled away from your breasts to look at you mischievously.

“What are you doing angel?” His husky voice came out of his lungs.

“I…” You gasped as you felt his fingers deeper on you. “I want you to feel good too.”

Satoru hummed and smiled. “You are so pretty.” He said kissing your lips. “C’mon move your hand pretty angel.”

Your hand began to go up and down his member, while his fingers entered and left you. The atmosphere in that room became increasingly hot, full of moans and moving water. It was embarrassing to think about how you, who had behaved like a “good girl” all your life, were now emitting such lewd sounds from your throat.

You felt how Satoru grew larger with every movement and how he grunted under your touch, his eyes were completely closed and his cheeks had taken on a reddish hue.

Your legs and all of you began to shake, indicating that you were close to getting there. Satoru smiled and removed his fingers from you and you looked at him pleadingly, you needed to cum.

“I want you to finish on my cock.” He said holding your hips and placing yourself on top of him, you screamed when without warning he entered you.

“Satoru!” You tried to catch your breath.

This was the second time you had it inside but now it seemed even bigger than the first time. You held onto his shoulders and looked at him, shaken by the overwhelming sensation of having him inside you again.

“Move angel.” He whispered.

You began to move your hips, back and forth and in circles, giving yourself more and more pleasure with each of your movements, while Satoru whispered nice things in your ear.

You clung tightly to his body and tangled your fingers in his hair when you felt like you were going to come. Satoru, catching the signals that your body was giving him, moved and you pulled his hair while you stifled a cry of pleasure. Just a few more thrusts were enough for you to cum on his cock.

Satoru didn't pull out of you, but instead continued thrusting into you, seeking to reach the climax that you had reached. When he reached it, he growled your name and took over your mouth, in a kiss full of desire and pleasure.

“Oh angel…” He said, trying to catch his breath. “You are truly out of this world, you know that?”

You rested your head on his shoulder without saying anything and let Satoru's scent and warmth fill you. You both stayed in that position for quite a long time, so long that the water remained cold, your skin became completely wrinkled and the sun hid on the horizon.

It wasn't until your stomach growled with hunger that you moved from the bathtub. Satoru carefully carried you to your bed, wrapped in a towel, three times bigger than you. You watched as he moved from one side to the other in the room as if looking for something and you tried not to laugh at his desperation.

"What are you looking for?"

“Oh…my shirt.” He said looking around.

“Why do you want your shirt?” You tilted your head to the side. “I was going to get your dinner. You are hungry."

You touched your belly and nodded. “But it would be suspicious, it's better that I go and tell them to bring up the food.” Satoru opened his mouth and then closed it nodding. “I'll go in a second and tell Rose to bring us food.”

You moved from the bed and approached the closet, from it you took out a dress and a robe, which you shamelessly put on in front of Satoru. You no longer felt ashamed because he saw you like this.

You glanced at him one last time and exited the room, rushing through the corridor with the biggest of the smiles drawn on your face.

You could finally say it but you were certain that you had fallen in love with the duke and honestly you couldn’t be happier with the fact you were going to marry a man you were in love with and that you were leaving that place.

You saw Rose chatting with a few other maids and you rushed to them. “Rose!”

“My lady.” They all saluted you.

“I would like to have my dinner in my bedroom if it’s possible.” You smiled.

“No problem my lady.” Rose said.

You approached Rose and in a whisper you told her. “Add more food for the duke too.”

Rose smiled at you and winked her eye. “No problem my lady, I will deliver the dinner in a few minutes.”

“Okay, thank you.” You turned around but stopped before leaving. “Does anyone have news from my parents?”

“Oh a letter came, apparently they will be out more than they expected.” Another one of the maids spoke.

You nodded and thanked them, you walked back to your room and entered finding Satoru on the couch taking a look into one of your books.

“Rose will bring us dinner in a little while.” You said sitting next to her, Satoru hummed and continued reading the book he had in his hands. “Satoru…” When you said her name, her gaze moved away from the book and focused on you. “I was wondering if Rose could come with me once we get married.”

Satoru smiled and tucked one of your locks behind your ear. “Of course, there would be no problem.”

“Her husband would come too.”

“Okay, I'll find him a job and you both can live there.” He kissed your lips and you smiled.

"Thank you." You whispered.

“Don’t thank me angel.” He smiled. “Now tell me about this book of yours.”

“Oh that one.” You sat up straight on the couch and smiled, taking the book from his hands. “It is the story of an orphaned child. That he seeks to find himself and his place in society. It is quite funny and the romantic part of the novel serves as a good thread for the themes it deals with.” You turn your head to look at him and when you meet his penetrating gaze you feel your ears begin to light up. “I'm sorry I talked too much.”

Satoru shook his head and took your hand to bring it to his lips. “Not at all, it fascinates me to see you talk like that and I could do it for hours.”

You picked up the book and hid your embarrassed face behind it. “Please don't say those things.”

"Why not? You all light up when you talk about it, and that fascinates and excites me and I want to continue seeing it and listening to you talk about your books.” Satoru touched your cheek.

You had definitely fallen in love with that man and your heart did not stop beating with each of his words. “You could also tell me about the things you like.” You whispered, placing the book on the table. “I also want to see him excited.”

A smile appeared on Satoru's face and he tangled a strand of your hair in his finger and began to twirl it. “I like sweet things.” He looked at you subtly and you felt that those words had a double meaning. “Riding horses and taking my nephew to the park on Sundays with his two dogs.”

“How old is your nephew?” You tilted your head.

“He is about to be six.” He smiled proudly. “You know he is my nephew but after his father died and also his mom passed away giving birth to him, I adopted him.” You opened your mouth and nodded.

It was uncommon for nobles to do that type of things. According to what Satoru had told you, the position of duke had been given to him because his brother had wanted it, which meant that once Satoru had children, his firstborn would inherit the title. But if he adopted his nephew, it meant that it was his nephew who would inherit it. And that’s why a lot of nobles didn’t adopt close relatives because that would mean their direct descendants not inheriting titles.

“You are surprised?” He looked at you.

“Huh… A little bit.” You touched your chin. “It’s really uncommon what you did, that’s why.”

“I told you didn’t I? I didn’t wish to be the duke, it was my brothers duty and then for his son. That’s why I adopted him, so when the time comes he will be the duke.”

“And what was your wish?” You wondered curious about Satoru’s wishes.

“I wanted to serve right next to the crowned prince.” He smiled proudly. “And train strong soldiers for the future.”

“You wanted to be a teacher?” You smiled.

“Kind of… I am good with the sword and on the battlefield so I could teach others to be too.” He smiled proudly and with his chest puffed out. "I mean, I'm a good teacher, you've seen it yourself, angel." He smiled, bringing his face closer to yours.

The words got stuck in your throat and your heartbeat echoed loudly in your ears. Luckily a gentle knock on the door made you quickly get up and head towards the door. You subtly opened the door and stuck your head out to check who it was, when you saw that it was Rose the person on the other side of the door, you let her pass.

“Hello, duke.” She bowed to Satoru and pushed the cart with the food to the table that was there in your room. “I'll leave your dinner here.” She smiled. “My lady, if you want anything else, call me.”

You shook your head and smiled back. “You can go rest Rose, don't worry.” Rose nodded and with a goodnight, she left the room.

“She cares for you.” Satoru rose from the couch and walked over to the table.

“We were practically raised together.” You mentioned. “Rose is older than me and her mother used to work here as a maid too, when I was born my parents, well they didn’t care much about it and Rose’s mother was the one to take care of me and she was there, as an older sister for me.” You smiled looking at him.

Satoru smiled back at you. “I’m glad to hear you were able to have that kindness in your life.”

You nodded and you poked one of the pieces of food on the plate. "You are not going to eat?" You said looking at him through your eyelashes.

“I am not hungry right now.” He said observing you.

You swallowed the food and looked down. “It’s a bit embarrassing if I’m the only one eating.”

“Yeah.” He laughed. “Sorry angel.” You shook your head. “By the way, tomorrow I will be leaving.”

You looked at him, opening your eyes and feeling the breath escape from you. “Don't worry, angel, I'll just go to a nearby town to take care of some business, but I'll be back in three days at most.” He grabbed your hand across the table and brought it to his lips.

You nodded and sighed in relief. “Do you promise me you'll come back?”

He simply smiled and you believed every word that came from those lips that had captivated you so much. "Of course, my angel."

You continued eating dinner in silence while Satoru watched you and from time to time took something from the plates. By the time you realized it, you had to light the candles in the bedroom since the sun had already set and the darkness of the night adorned the place.

Neither of you said anything but you both understood from your looks and your caresses that Satoru would spend that night with you again. You didn't care if you weren't intimate that night, you just wanted to have the heat of his body close to him and for his aroma and being to warm you on that summer night.

Blowing out the last candle that illuminated the room, Satoru wrapped his arms around you and pressed you against his bare torso. I carefully brush your hair aside and leave a trail of kisses on your back.

“Good night my angel.” He whispered in your ear.

Without letting you escape, you both fell asleep. Wrapped in his arms you felt his love and warmth and you were able to dream and rest peacefully until the first rays of the sun began to filter through the curtains of your room.

When you opened your eyes again that morning, the first thing you saw was Satoru's serene and calm face. His white hair fell on his face, partially covering it, but that was not an impediment for you to admire his beauty. You stayed for a few minutes observing, studying each of his features, wanting to engrave them strongly in your mind so you would never forget them. But in those moments when you remembered that you could look at that face for years to come once you got married.

You brought your hand to his forehead and brushed a couple of strands out of his face, you smiled into the pillow. “I can't wait to see that smile every morning.” Satoru whispered with his eyes still closed.

You quickly removed your hand and looked at him. "You are awake." It wasn't a question, rather it was a statement.

Satoru opened his blue eyes and moved so he was on top of you. “That's right angel.” He said kissing your mouth. On impulse you wrapped your arms around him and pulled him closer to you.

"I do not want you to go." You whispered. “I want us to get married now and leave this place.”

“Soon my angel.” He whispered and started placing soft kisses on your face. “But today I must leave.” You nodded sadly. “Before you read two of your books I will be back.”

“But I usually read them…” You closed your mouth when you realized what it meant and smiled.

“When I return we will get married and I will take you with me, to a house near the sea, where you have your own library, so you can read and tell me about those books you read.” He hugged you and you nodded against his chest.

“That sounds really nice.” You murmured.

“Just wait a bit okay?” And you nodded again. “Trust me my angel, everything will be just fine.” He cupped your face. “I promise.” And kissed you, in a kiss full of love and affection.

˖✧˖°.✶₊ ⊹ ⋆˖✧˖°.✶₊ ⊹ ⋆

This was the fourth book since Satoru had left. He had promised to return before you finished the second one and your favorite corner had become the large window from where you could see the main entrance. You couldn't deny that when you finished the second book, a small hole opened in your heart and anguish began to grow in you. That was why you were now eagerly waiting for a carriage to enter through the gates and for your loved one to get out of it.

It was around the fourth day when the sun was already setting on the horizon, when you saw it. Putting the book aside, you marched through the house, running past the servants and opening the front door as if you were a little girl who had finally gotten permission to play outside. Your face was illuminated by a smile and your hands were clasped on your chest, trying to prevent your heart from beating out of you.

But that smile and nervousness disappeared when the ones who got out of that carriage were your parents and not the person who made you feel alive.

“Oh!” Your father said with surprise. “You are here, well then it will be easier. Let’s go straight to my office to talk.” He said walking past you and you swore that the air he moved could cut your cheeks.

You looked at your father from your place and felt how your cheek was burning, placing your hand on it you realized that your mother was in front of you and had slapped you. “You realize how disgusting you are.” You took a step back, scared by the timbre of her voice and her sharp gaze. “Disgusting whore.” Without saying anything else she walked in the same direction that your father had done and you felt like something was going to happen and it wasn't going to be good.

You looked at Rose who was watching you from the side with a look of anguish and helplessness. You just smiled at her and calmed her down.

Raising your head, you walked to the office, there you closed the door and took a strong breath of air when you saw that the atmosphere was extremely charged.

You looked at your parents and tried to breathe calmly, so that the tension and nervousness that invaded you would disappear. But their penetrating and menacing gazes didn't help in the slightest.

“You thought we were not going to find out?” His father began. “You were so loud moaning like a cat in heat that everyone could hear you.”

You opened your eyes and looked at them both with your heart in your fist. “Father, mother…”

“Shut your mouth!” Your father shouted.

“You let yourself be fooled so easily, when your mother told you not to come close, to stay away.” Your father leaned back in his chair and touched his forehead. “Do you know what this is?” He said, taking out a letter from his cheek. You denied.

“It's the reason you spread your legs.” Your mother snapped hatefully and you looked at her confused.

“Dear…” Your father warned her and your mother sat better in her chair. “I'm going to read you: Dear Crown Prince, I am writing to inform you that the plan has been carried out as expected. I have been able to obtain the desired documents from the family.” Your father looks at you over his glasses and continued. “She was really easy to manipulate and the job was much easier for me. In a few days I will be in the capital with the documents for the nobles. The best regards, Duke Gojo.” Your heart stopped beating at that precise moment, you could feel how your world was collapsing on you and beginning to crush your body.

You started to shake your head. “No, no, he wouldn’t.”

“Stupid bitch.” Your mother shouted. “I will ask the doctor to prepare medicine for you to start taking, lets hope you are not pregnant by that stupid duke.”

You covered your face with your hands and let the tears flow down your face. He had promised you to return, he had promised to get you out of that hell, he had promised you a house near the sea, he had promised you a library full of books so you could continue reading and tell him all the new stories you discovered. Had all those been empty words? All lies? No, no, no, his eyes were warm when she told you that, they were full of sincerity and affection. It couldn't be, that had to be a crude nightmare.

“You can read the letter as many times as you want, but that won’t change the fact that he used you.” Your father put the letter once again in front of you.

“That’s not true…” You whispered, shaking your head. “It can’t be true…”

“Our dear daughter.” Your father spoke. “We told you he was a bad man, you ignored us and he got under your skirt and left. You better start praying for no one outside this house to find out about your impurity, thankfully Mr. Harrison is still willing to marry you.”

You stood up from the chair and walked towards the door with tears streaming down your face. “The wedding will be next month.” Your mother spoke before you left the room.

You practically run towards your room only followed by Rose, who entered with you to your room.

“Rose… he…” You tried to articulate a single word but you were unable, the words were stuck on your throat and it hurt like knifes.

“It’s okay my lady.” She tried to calm you down.

But you couldn't, your chest hurt, your head hurt, your heart... you felt like it had been ripped from your chest and there was absolutely nothing left there now. Had Satoru really betrayed you? Had he really used you to help the crown prince? You felt dirty and you didn't know what else to think, you didn't know what to believe. You had completely trusted him, his actions, his words, his touches, everything.

But that letter that your father had read to you where he talked about how after sleeping with you he had taken the opportunity to go get the necessary documents to put the remaining nobles in his favor.

She was so easy to manipulate.

Those words keep on repeating on your mind, over and over again.

Note: this chapter is programmed so once it’s posted I will be sleeping, hope everyone enjoyed it and remember next chapter is the last one 😜😘

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