#001. » identity » introspect .

[letmehavemyfictionalmen]

A Doll's Heart

Summary: When visiting your best friend, Barbara Handler, also known as Stereotypical Barbie, you make a decision to connect with the two girls who have played with your doll counterpart for years, all while dealing with issues of self-identity and love. Little did you anticipate that your heart would be captured by Joel Miller, the grumpy yet caring father of the girls. As you navigate the complexities of emotions, you also find yourself playing a role in mending the delicate threads of the Miller family's relationships.

pairing: Joel Miller x Model!Barbie!Reader

warning: 18+ content, Eventual smut, Unprotected sex, Domestic Bliss, Fluff, a sprinkle of Angst, Flirting, Joel Miller being a girl dad, Joel being hard on the outside but he is a softie, Ellie and Sarah being a chaotic duo, Ellie being a menace, Sarah being a sweetheart, reader being a maternal figure, teenage crushes.

Chapters

001. — A Doll in a Human World — [Visting your best friend, you are intrigued by how Barbara's life has evolved from the stereotypical Barbie to a human. The changes in her life raise questions within you, prompting a deeper introspection; is this life for you?] (currently working on it)

The year is 2023, and this is an au. Ellie and Sarah are both Joel’s daughters and are both 16 years old. This story is inspired by @poeticbarnes oneshot on a Joel Miller x Barbie!reader. It can be read here.

☼ Please note that I do not wish to have my work translated or published on any third party reading websites. I claim the rights to my work.

☼ Where I don't have any rights to the characters, many ideas and OC are my own creation. Please respect that.

taglist: @poeticbarnes

[screamingeyepress]

📚 The Camino Real by Lothar J. Tuppan 📚

In this powerful and introspective narrative, The Camino Real takes readers through California’s historic missions, as Karen embarks on a journey that is both physical and spiritual. Through memories and encounters, she is forced to confront her past, her beliefs, and ultimately herself.

This beautifully written story captures the complexity of identity, purpose, and the human experience. Don’t miss this thought-provoking read. https://www.screamingeyepress.com/twisted-pulp/issue-001/the-camino-real/

[rpnzel]

BOLD  what  applies  to  your  muse  ,   ITALICIZE  what  they  like    /    repost  ,    don’t  reblog  !

FIRE.  ICE.  WATER.  AIR.  CLAWS.  FANGS.  WINGS.  GOLD.  DIAMONDS.  GRASS.  LEAVES.  TREES.  ROSES.  METAL.  IRON.  RUST.  RAIN.  SNOW.  RIBBON.  LACE.  SILK.  COTTON.  SUN.  MOON.  STARS.  BLOOD.  DIRT.  MUD.  SILVER.  STEEL.  SUGAR.  SALT.  LAVENDER.  GLASS.  WOOD.  PAPER.  WOOL.  FUR.  SMOKE.  ASH.  OCEAN.  BRUISE.  SCAR.  LACERATION.  BRAND.  BURN.  WIND.  SPICES.  LIGHT.  DARK.  PAINT.  CHARCOAL.  WINE.  HARD LIQUOR.  SWEAT.  DUST.  BARE FEET.  CANINE.  FELINE.  COFFEE.  TEA.  BOOKS.  SCRATCHES.  PETALS.  THORNS.�� HAY.  GLITTER.  HEAT.  COLD.  STEAM.  FROST.  CANDLE.  SWORD.  DAGGER.  AXE.  LANCE.  ARROW.  HAMMER.  SHIELD.  SPIKES.  SAND.  ROCKS.  ROOTS.  FEATHERS.  PEARLS.  RUBIES.  SAPPHIRES.  EMERALDS.  HERBS.  WAVES.  LIGHTNING.  SUNLIGHT.  MOONLIGHT.  CLAY.  STONE.  BRICK.  MARBLE.  FRUIT.  MEAT.  POISON.  MEDICINE.  SNAKE.  BIRD.  CLOCK.  SHELL.  LEATHER.  CHAIN.  TIE.  HAT.  HEART.  SPADE.  CLUB.  DIAMOND.  GLOVES.  EYES.  SUNSET.  SUNRISE.  DAWN.  DUSK.  MAPS.  BOOTS.  LOVE.  LOSS.  KILLER.  LIAR.  HEALER.  CASTLE.  FORT.  STRONGHOLD.  HOTEL.  TOWER.  BRIDGE.  CATHEDRAL.  MUSEUM.  MAUSOLEUM.  GALLERY.  LIBRARY.  DANCE HALL.  NIGHT CLUB.  SCHOOL.  ACADEMY.  NEON.  PASTEL.  GOTH.  GRUNGE.  PREPPY.  SCROLLS.  INK WELLS.  HAIRSPRAY.  LIPSTICK.  EYELINER.  SHRINE.  TAPESTRY.  MURAL.  GRAFFITI.  CARNIVAL.  CASINO.  SKYSCRAPERS.  HILLS.  FARMS.  ANKLETS.  BRACELETS.  CHOKERS.  SCARVES.  SWEETS.  SKY.  EARTH.  CALLIGRAPHY.  PAINTING.  WRITING.  EMBROIDERY.

tagged by  :    stole it from an old blog of mine tagging  :    @vadeheir​  ,    @painakin​  ,    @fareyst​  ,    @slipperglass​  ,    @glorywaited​  ,    @sunlightswallowed​  ,    @saintehylia​  ,    @hyruleir​    &    you  !

[fmdharley]

FIFTH ANNIVERSARY TASK #001 ━━ big five personality traits.

WORD COUNT / 405 (excluding headers & trait descriptions).

OPENNESS TO EXPERIENCE (inventive/curious vs. consistent/cautious) ━━

openness describes a person’s tendency to think in abstract, complex ways. high scorers tend to be creative, adventurous, and intellectual. they enjoy playing with ideas and discovering novel experiences. people who are high in openness tend to enjoy the arts and seek out unusual, complex forms of self-expression. / harley scored relatively high on openness, and it’s true that she tends towards involving herself in the arts scene, from when she played in a band to her current career as an idol. the capacity to express herself in novel ways is exactly what draws her in, and this is definitely something that underlies her interest in songwriting as well. also, adventurousness is definitely a key trait she embodies! she’s not the type to shy away from new experiences, in fact she’s constantly on the lookout for them.

CONSCIENTIOUSNESS (efficient/organized vs. extravagant/careless) ━━

conscientiousness describes a person’s ability to exercise self-discipline and control in order to pursue their goals. low scorers are impulsive and easily sidetracked. the concept of conscientiousness focuses on a dilemma we all face: shall i do what feels good now, or instead do what is less fun but will pay off in the future? some people are more likely to choose fun in the moment, and thus are low in conscientiousness. / of course little miss impulsive over here is going to be low in conscientiousness lmao!!! yes, she’s definitely a lot more inclined to making choices that let her have fun in the moment rather than thinking about things in the long term. spontaneity forms a huge part of harley‘s personality, but this is also a downfall for her in the sense that she might end up lacking introspection and careful thought.

EXTRAVERSION (outgoing/energetic vs. solitary/reserved) ━━

extraversion describes a person’s inclination to seek stimulation from the outside world, especially in the form of attention from other people. extraverts engage actively with others to earn friendship, admiration, power, status, excitement, and romance. extroverts are especially thrilled by victories in life, especially when they earn the attention of others. / not the way she scored almost full percentage for this trait LMAO but this is absolutely spot on for harley in the sense that she experiences the epic highs and lows of life in its highest highs and lowest lows... in other words, yes she is a drama queen. and she definitely derives energy from other people! this plays into how she constructs her identity upon her interactions other people, i’m pretty sure that without social interaction harley would just wither and die from boredom.

AGREEABLENESS (friendly/compassionate vs. critical/rational) ━━

agreeableness describes a person’s tendency to put others’ needs ahead of their own, and to cooperate rather than compete with others. people who are high in agreeableness experience a great deal of empathy and tend to get pleasure out of serving and taking care of others. they are usually trusting and forgiving. people who are low in agreeableness tend to experience less empathy and put their own concerns ahead of others. low scorers are often described as hostile, competitive, and antagonistic. / harley kind of sits in the middle for this trait, and i think it’s because she can flip between both sides depending on the context (i.e., the situation she’s in and the people she’s interacting with)! she loves taking care and being around for the people she loves, but also she can tend towards being argumentative for the sake of it if she’s in that headspace.

NEUROTICISM (sensitive/nervous vs. resilient/confident) ━━

neuroticism describes a person’s tendency to experience negative emotions, including fear, sadness, anxiety, guilt, and shame. this trait can be thought of as an alarm system. people experience negative emotions as a sign that something is wrong in the world. low neuroticism scorers are more likely to brush off their misfortune and move on. / this trait is the lowest of all her scores! while she can be quite a perfectionist at times, harley is also quite an idealistic person at her core and quite literally refuses to learn what it means to have consequences for your actions. i think that inherent sense of escapism and hedonism within her translates into naive optimism, which is why she’s less likely to fixate on the negative emotions she experiences. she just likes to be happy and will almost always be in pursuit of that, so there’s no space for negativity in here!

[lockawayknight]

ohhh tagged by @vilestblood in this super cool muse aesthetic thing ty ty friend~!!💕

[RULES: fill out with 3-5 items/aesthetics that fit your muse for each category.]

CREIGHTON:

EMOTIONS / FEELINGS:

— 001. rage. white-hot and furious, violent and unstoppable; a bull with red in its eyes

— 002. vengeance. obsessive pursuit, a vendetta that never ends, the determination to redeem a name defamed

— 003.  jealousy. glares and threats, pushes and shoves, anything to keep others away from what’s his

— 004.  dedication. unwavering honour, stalwart and strong; a knight defending their lord to death

— 005.  love. crimson and warm, tender and soft, like a lullaby singing a beast to sleep

COLOURS:

— 001. blue. the colour of the sky, of mirrah, and his eyes

— 002. grey. the colour of storm clouds on a rainy day, and the accents on his garb

— 003. white. the colour of forossa’s snow, of his forgotten past, and his hair

— 004. red. the colour of vengeance, fury, and blood

— 005. silver. the colour of metal, cold and sharp, and the murderer’s mask he wears

SCENTS:

— 001. metal, like the mask he wears

— 002. blood, like that which he draws every day

— 003. spiced incense, like that sold by the only family he knows

— 004. burning wood, like the lightning of his axe striking walls

— 005. lavender, like the love of his life’s perfume

OBJECTS:

— 001. a dragonslayer’s axe; his weapon of choice

— 002. a rack of antlers; like what’s painted on his tabard

— 003. a knight’s mask; like the one that hides his identity

— 004. a ring made of thorns; like the one given to him by pate

— 005. an estus flask; an undead favourite!

BODY LANGUAGE:

— 001. an aggressive stance, feet spaced for battle, shoulders hunched, fingers flexing

— 002. enraged eyes, icy and blue, shadowed by his helm, but piercing all the same

— 003. nervous fidgets, fingers pinching fabric, twirling locks of hair, or tapping away on objects

— 004. facial expressiveness, when the mask is removed, readable like a children’s picture book

— 005. hands balled into fists, threatening, violent, and ready to fight

AESTHETICS:

— 001. a stag in the woods, hunted for the very thing it is loved for; lit by rays of sun through the trees, yet still hidden among the leaves

— 002. an army marching to battle, banners held high, swords and shields clanging, skies grey with clouds and earth red with blood

— 003. blood on the snow, something so visceral staining something pure

— 004. lightning through a stormy grey sky, cracks of thunder and a light shower of rain

— 005. warm fires by a sleepy hearth, cups of tea and snuggly blankets, the smell of incense and a lover’s hair

—

ORNIFEX:

EMOTIONS / FEELINGS:

— 001. curiosity. an inquisitive mind, and an intense wanting to learn

— 002. loneliness. a yearning for a family that never existed

— 003.  homesickness. an undying wish to return to the painted world

COLOURS:

— 001. black. the colour of sin, of a pardoner’s garb, and her feathers

— 002. grey. the colour of metal, of human souls, and her own pale flesh

— 003. gold. the colour of ornaments, of candlelight, and shiny things

SCENTS:

— 001. fire, like that which warms an anvil

— 002. rot, like a carnivore’s breath and jaws

— 003. pine needles, like the trees of her former home, forever ingrained in her feathers

OBJECTS:

— 001. a small doll; a reminder of home, and a wish to return to it

— 002. a single lit candle; something for reflection and introspection

— 003. an ornamental sword, crafted with love and care

BODY LANGUAGE:

— 001. a curious beak swaying side to side, examining the world from all angles

— 002. a submissive stance, head low and shoulders hunched, as if subconsciously knowing she is below whoever she speaks to

— 003. wings held high, always reaching for the sky, ready to fly or fight at any moment

AESTHETICS:

— 001. a hammer striking an anvil, sparks flying and the sound of metal against metal

— 002. a murder of crows flying overhead, which some may call an omen of death, but others may find a simple sign of family

— 003. a room full of shelves lined with dolls, porcelain faces all staring, eyes following you wherever you go

tagging!!: @hithernthither, @axemurderercreighton, @yellowfingcr, @notahunter, @deifiler, @umtplex (lorian or leo!), @grimoirerat, and aaaa idk who has done this yet anyone else!!!

[deadlyshe]

皆尽 001:                      ( THE PAST & GUILT // THE FUTURE & DUTY )

TW: SPOILERS

Long before the kind and gentle woman became the captain of the Fourth Division, she went by another name — Yachiru Unohana and was the most diabolical criminal to ever live within the Seireitei. She constantly sought someone worthy enough to dance with her blade in a battle of true strength. She found that in someone who she would deem to be far more worthy of the title of Kenpachi. Zaraki was the first person ever to scar her, the first person that she realized was superior to her in strength. However, she would also come to understand that her own faults and weaknesses sealed away his own strength, which she blamed herself for. When she adopted the identity and life of Retsu Unohana, there was part of her that changed. She began to empathize with others and understand the importance of healing. While she initially learned healing to become near-immortal and prolong her own battles, she soon discovered the importance of a healer to those she would come to care about.

This, however, did not take the bloodthirsty and violent woman out of her, but rather it merely put it into a dormant state — occasionally revealing itself. She had a long time for introspection and realized that she was holding back Zaraki because of her own fallibility; he suppressed himself for her sake. That was something that did not sit well with her, but she was unsure of how to rectify it as her focus soon shifted from battle to healing. When she met Zaraki, she felt happy for the first time, yet her own happiness seemed to have an adverse effect on her successor as Kenpachi. Her old self was always present, but due to her own weaknesses, she felt as though she needed it kept below the surface so as not to stain her Division via her more violent tendencies.

During the war, she realized that in both physical powers and her abilities to heal everyone, she was not powerful enough to fulfill her duties — her duties as a healer and her duties as someone meant to protect Seireitei and those she holds close to her. This came after much introspection and listening to the words of those around her, and witnessing the chaos that was unfolding. Something that also came through introspection was that the power to heal was also power, and that was something she wished the 4th Division to know. She wanted them to understand that they were powerful in their own ways, and it took her a very long time to come to terms with this notion.

Once Kenpachi Zaraki joined the ranks of the Gotei 13, she, in her own ways, nurtured him to become the next Kenpachi — she wanted to pass down not only a legacy to the next generation but everything that she had learned over the years. She wanted to give Zaraki everything she had gained to help him become someone who does not feel as though he needs to restrain himself. She knew that in order for him to inherit her legacy and title, she would eventually need to die. For one of them to live, the other must die, and she had come to accept that the moment he had placed a scar on her collarbone. She had let her old self be pushed to the side in order to nurture the next Kenpachi, in order to give him everything that he needed to be prepared to hold the title of Kenpachi.

For Zaraki, she left behind a legacy of strength, violence, and carrying on the fight — she gave him the only thing she could, the title of Kenpachi and unlocking his true strength. For everyone else, she left behind the legacy of the 4th Division, guiding Isane to take her place by teaching her everything she would need to become the next captain. That was her legacy because up until her final fight with Kenpachi, that was who she was. She a kind and gentle woman, a healer. She had two duties, one in violence and chaos and one in healing and compassion. Both were fulfilled, but in order for the former to be fulfilled, she had to die, and that was something she had accepted a long time again.

[underachievers-please-try-harder]

Interview // Clairo

For The Guardian. Read online. 

Exuding all the effusive pride of a new parent, Claire Cottrill is showing me photos of Joanie, her rescue dog and the muse for her forthcoming album, Sling. “She’s actually really bossy,” the Massachusetts-raised artist better known as Clairo chuckles over Zoom, holding her phone close to the laptop screen so I can see the Instagram post more clearly. “But she’s so funny. We have such a special bond.”

According to a DNA test, the sandy-furred pup is mostly chow chow and great pyrenees, with a little bit of boxer and lab in the mix, which accounts for the fact she has tripled in size in the six-and-a-bit months since her adoption. “She was a little wolf baby; a peanut!” the 22-year-old singer-songwriter exclaims, mooning nostalgically over one particular image depicting the then seven-week-old puppy peeking out of some bushes.

Dog ownership might have become quite the ultimate lockdown cliche, but for Cottrill committing to a pet represented a rare opportunity to lay down some roots. Certainly, pre-pandemic she hadn’t had much chance to pursue a life of quiet domesticity; not since the autumn of 2018 at least, when the lo-fi bedroom pop of Pretty Girl went viral, just weeks after she started college in Syracuse.

Its winningly DIY video racked up more than 1.5m YouTube views pretty much overnight (it now stands at almost 75m), and Cottrill was heralded as a vital new voice, and part of a wave of creatively autonomous, emotionally articulate Gen Z artists, alongside the likes of Billie Eilish and Rex Orange County.

Cottrill’s rapid rise – not to mention her signing with the Fader label and Chance the Rapper’s management team – was not without controversy. A small but vocal subset on Reddit circulated the rumour that Cottrill was an “industry plant”, a conclusion they arrived at following their discovery that her father Geoff was previously chief marketing officer at Converse and co-founder of its affiliated recording studio Rubber Tracks. She has recently addressed the allegations directly, telling Rolling Stone, ���I definitely am not blind to the fact that things have been easier for me.”

Largely though, Cottrill has sought to prove her detractors wrong through the quality of her compositions. First came Diary 001, an esoteric, six-track set mining skeletal hip-hop and the wipe-clean grooves of PC Music-inspired pop. That was followed in August 2019 by Immunity, the full-length debut she co-produced with ex-Vampire Weekend man Rostam Batmanglij. More revelatory than Diary 001, it detailed a suicide attempt (Alewife) and her struggles with juvenile rheumatoid arthritis (I Wouldn’t Ask You) with striking candour. Sonically, it paired tender, electronics-tinged introspection with swooning guitar-pop. Sofia, which now boasts 280m streams on Spotify, catapulted Cottrill into another league of fame entirely, leading to collaborations with Charli XCX, Mura Masa and Arlo Parks, plus arena tours in support of Khalid and Tame Impala.

Cottrill was busy with the latter when Covid hit the US. On hearing the news, she headed straight to Atlanta, Georgia, to see out lockdown with family, a period of isolation originally scheduled to last a fortnight but which went on for eight months.

Just how intense was it spending the best part of a year holed up with her parents? “It was awesome,” she insists, now back at the Brooklyn apartment she shares with fellow musicians and former college pals Claud and Josh Mehling. “My older sister came home as well. And I found it interesting that no matter how much you’ve progressed as an adult in your own life, the family roles revert back to exactly how it was as a kid.”

First and foremost, enforced confinement provided the opportunity for Cottrill to deepen her relationship with her mother.

“The conversations I had with my mom about motherhood, and the things she sacrificed for us, are really important to me,” she says. “Also, it’s like you don’t actually know who your mother is before she’s Mom, before she’s Wife, because there isn’t a huge documentation of who she was as an individual. And I realised that I might be in the period of my life now where I’m in my individual phase: before I am Mom, before I am Wife, or whatever I end up being. It was a bit scary to recognise that I could eventually have a family, and then this whole identity that I’ve had on my own for a long time can, in some ways, disappear.”

These existential ideas form the basis of Cottrill’s much-anticipated second album. Recorded in the autumn of 2020 at Allaire Studios – situated on a mountain top in upstate New York – Sling finds Jack Antonoff co-producing. Perhaps more significantly, the record also features backing vocals from Lorde – on Reaper as well as the lead single Blouse – an alliance that led to Cottrill returning the favour on the New Zealander’s latest, Solar Power.

“I met Lorde [when I was] on FaceTime with Jack,” she says of the link-up. “He was like: ‘Hey, I’m with a friend, can we say hi?’, and it was Lorde. And I freaked out, of course, but she’s the nicest person ever.

“We talked a lot about how cool it was in the Laurel Canyon era, where people would secretly do background vocals on each other’s music – like Joni Mitchell with Carole King – rather than as a way to benefit the business side of things. Back then it was just like: ‘I love your voice: will you lend your talent to my song?’ So that’s what I asked her, and I was just lucky enough that she wanted me on hers as well.”

The legacy of Laurel Canyon looms over Sling, which swaps the sparse electronic flourishes of Immunity for lush, acoustic folk, often embellished with swooning vocal harmonies, delicate strings and the warm swell of brass. Reference points for the record included Hejira-era Mitchell, the Carpenters and Harry Nilsson, alongside less obvious touchpoints, such as cult jazz musician Blossom Dearie. Most influential, perhaps, was Innocence & Despair by the Langley Schools Music Project, which features a choir of 1970s school kids covering hits of the day, and has since been hailed as a significant piece of outsider art.

“To me, that record merged my two worlds for Sling,” Cottrill explains. “I wanted that warm 70s feeling, but also I was thinking so much about kids, and especially the clumsy, sweet kid that Joanie embodies.”

There is a darker side to the record too, as Cottrill grapples with the reality of life navigating an industry that she memorably describes – on Bambi – as “a universe designed against my own beliefs”. On Blouse she describes her experiences being sexualised by record execs, while on Management she parodies the industry’s fascination with youth in lines like “She’s only 22”.

“[The attitude is] ‘There’s a lot more that we can squeeze out of her before she’s done.’ Because I think that what this industry does a lot is drain young women of everything until they’re not youthful any more.”

For Cottrill, as much as Sling is an album, it is a document of her endeavours to reassess what it is she wants from life. And adopting Joanie was only the first step: in two weeks’ time she plans to move into the house she recently purchased, in a tiny Massachusetts town in close proximity to both the Berkshire and Catskill mountains.

“It’s so awful that it took something like lockdown happening for me to reevaluate how I wanted to move forward. But it’s now about putting my mental health first, because I deserve to have nice things that I do care about. [Things] outside of music, like a house and a dog.”

As we say goodbye, I get another glimpse of Joanie, who has been snoozing throughout the interview. Sprawled on the floor at the end of Cottrill’s bed, blissfully unaware of her significance in our conversations, it’s a pretty fitting encapsulation of the pace of life that Cottrill has finally embraced.

[rpnzel]

THE EARTH

earth    magic    draws    on    the    power    and    energy    within    the    land    itself    .          earth    magic    comes    from    two    major    domains    :      the    stone    ,      minerals    ,      crystals    ,      and    gems    of    the    land    ,      and    the    flora    and    fauna    of    the    living    world    .          creatures    connected    to    the    earth    are    patient    ,      sometimes    stubborn    ,      &    CARE    DEEPLY    ABOUT    THE    HISTORY    &    BALANCE    OF    THE    NATURAL    WORLD    .

tagged  by  :      @warvalor​ tagging  :      @hvessa​  /  @hyruleir​    ,      @painakin​    ,      @slipperglass​    ,      @glorywaited​    ,      @hefrosts​    ,      &    you    ! link  :      x 

[rpnzel]

ANTIGONE    :      “   I    WAS    BORN    TO    JOIN    IN    LOVE    ,      NOT    HATE    ———    THAT    IS    MY    NATURE    .  ” 

in    greek    mythology    ,      antigone    is    the    daughter    of    oedipus    .          after    the    quarrel    between    her    brothers    ending    in    them    both    being    killed    ,      antigone    is    determined    to    bury    polynices    despite    king    creon’s    wishes    ,      and    is    punished    .          for    defying    creon’s    wishes    ,      she    is    sentenced    to    be    buried    alive    in    a    tomb    .          you    are    ,      above    all    ,      resilient    .          you    have    known    grief    in    your    life    ,      but    you    face    your    trauma    with    your    head    held    high    .          you    are    immensely    strong    ,      intelligent    ,      and    passionate    .          you    don’t    believe    in    irony    or    indifference    .          you    are    brave    and    inspire    awe    in    those    who    are    closest    to    you    .

TAGGED    BY    :      stole from @irnmaidn & @sunlightswallowed TAGGING    :      @wshdreamer @wintehr @warvalor @formadr @amulatlas @verglase @streakofice @adheros LINK    :      x

[rpnzel]

RAPUNZEL’S AGE  ,    SUBSETS OF GOTHEL’S  ABUSE  ,    & HER STAR CHARTING  .

mother    gothel    lied    to    rapunzel    about    her    age    from    the    time    when    she    was    about    five    years    old    ,      constantly    throwing    her    age    back    a    year    or    two    ,      until    even    she    couldn’t    remember    how    many    years    ago    rapunzel    was    actually    born    .          it    started    around    five    years    old    ,      when    rapunzel    first    saw    the    annual    lantern    release    from    their    tower    window    ,      and    began    questioning    about    them    .        gothel    ,      upon    realization    that    she    made    a    huge    mistake    in    not    changing    rapunzel’s    birthday    ,    began    gaslighting    her    :    “    if    i’m    not    mistaken    ,      your    birthday    was    last    year    ”      was    a    major    tactic    she    used    :      invalidate    her    experiences    ,      and    she’ll    stop    talking    about    them    .

at    five    years    old    ,      rapunzel    was    told    she    was    three    ;      at    eight    ,    she    was    six      .      this    continued    ,      a    pattern    of    regression    and    negligence    that    eventually    served    gothel    ,      a    strategy    that    she    reveled    ,      and    took    pride    in    .

around    ten    is    when    rapunzel    began    star    charting    ,      learning    from    a    book    that    gothel    brought    home    after    traveling    .          she    started    drawing    and    painting    star    charts    on    the    roof    of    their    tower    in    an    effort    to    keep    up    with    passing    time    .          rapunzel    never    truly    knew    any    dates    ,    but    kept    track    of    time    by    seasonal    changes    and    where    the    moon    and    sun    were    in    the    sky    during    period    of    the    year      .        she    knew    her    birthday    was    a    few    days    after    the    summer    solstice    ,    and    then    kept    watch    over    the    course    of    those    days    for    the    “  floating    lights  ”    before    she    ticked    off    another    year    .          rapunzel    kept    most    of    her    date    tracking    a    secret    from    gothel    ,      using    a    notebook    she    hid    under    the    steps    of    the    stairs    (  the    same    place    she    hid    the    crown    from    eugene  )    ,      away    from    gothel’s    prying    eyes    .

when    rapunzel    returns    to    corona    ,      arianna    and    frederic    inform    her    that    she’s    been    gone    for    twenty    years    ,      making    rapunzel    twenty    years    old    .          she    realizes    that    gothel    lied    to    her    for    her    own    selfish    gain    ,      and    begins    celebrating    her    correct    birthday    .

[rpnzel]

YOUR    GENERAL    DISPOSITION    :

at    the    present    time    ,      your    behavior    is    characterized    by    your    need    for    recognition    .          you    find    it    important    that    other    people    accept    and    appreciate    you    and    view    you    as    competent    .          for    this    reason    ,      you    try    hard    to    have    everything    ——    including    yourself    ——    under    control    ,      to    know    your    way    around    everything    and    if    necessary    to    take    on    unpleasant    tasks    .          you    believe    you    have    to    prove    to    yourself    and    others    what    you    are    capable    of    because    ,      at    the    moment    ,      your    sense    of    self    esteem    is    fragile    .

COLORS    YOU    FIND    MOST    PLEASING    ——    TOP    3    :      OF    GREAT    IMPORTANCE    TO    YOU    NOW    IS    .  .  .

.  .  .    OPTIMISTIC    SELF    ENCOURAGEMENT    .          again    and    again    ,      you    consciously    adopt    a    positive    inner    attitude    .          this    helps    you    to    better    stand    up    under    the    hardships    of    the    present    .          you    create    goals    ,      projects    or    ideals    for    yourself    that    give    you    a    better    boost    and    the   hope    that    your    life    will    be    better    and    happier    .          you    search    for    ways    and    means    which    allow    you    to    enjoy    life    without    care    and    to    spend    more    time    devoting    yourself    to    the    things   that    bring    you    joy    .          in    order    to    forge    ahead    in    good    spirits    you    now    need    .  .  .

.  .  .    VIGOROUS    SELF    ASSERTION    .         you    now    want    to    pull    out    all     the     stops    in    order    to    achieve    what    you    have    planned    .          your     chances    are    good    because    if    you    feel    something    is    important    you    are    able    to    show    initiative    ,      grab    the    opportunity    spontaneously    and    act    with    vigor    .          you    can    also    display    energetic    efforts    in    your    personal    relationships    :      if    you    love    or    admire    someone    you    are    prepared    to    undertake    quite    a    bit    in    order    to    win    or    hold    onto    their    affection    .          you    utilize    a    major    portion    of    your    powers    for    .  .  .

.  .  .    JOYFUL    FULFILLMENT    OF    YOUR    DESIRES    .          it    is    very    important    to    you    to    achieve    what    you    are    striving    for    and    to    experience    the    joyful    fulfillment    of    your    wishes    .          the    thing    that    often    compels    you    into    action    is    your    deep    yearning    for    unadulterated    ,      lasting    happiness    and    inner    peace    .          if    you    seek    these    things    in    the    realm    of    material    possessions    ,      relationships    and    experiences    ,    you    will    suffer    disappointment    over    and    over    again    .          you    believe    you    have    the    “  magic    formula  ”    for    achieving    unadulterated    happiness    .

COLORS    YOU    FIND    MOST    UNPLEASANT     ——    TOP    3    :      AT    THE    MOMENT    YOU    FEEL    MOST    ANXIOUS    DUE    TO    YOUR    .  .  .

.  .  .    GRUELING    TEST    OF    NERVES    .          your    sense    of    well    being    is    negatively    affected    by    stressful    circumstances    .          you    often    feel    misunderstood    ,      unfairly    treated    or    left    at    the    mercy    of    the    unacceptable    behavior    of    a    person    who    is    important    to    you    .          you    don’t    want    to    let    on    that    you    are    aggravated    by    this    ,      and    you    keep    your    irritation    to    yourself    .          inside    you    though    ,      the    accumulated    resentment    strains    your    nerves    .          for    this    reason    ,      you    are    not    very    emotionally    resilient    at    this    time    .          you    assume    an    exaggerated    superiority    despite    your    .  .  .

.  .  .    UNPLEASANT    CONTENTIOUSNESS    .          the    behavior    of    certain    other    people    is    a    thorn    in    your    side    .          you    don’t    feel    like    putting    up    with    just    anything    without    objection    ,      and    because    of    this    ,      you    can    give    no    guarantee    you    won’t    end    up    in    an    argument    with    the    person    in    question    .          your    stubborn    attitude    could    easily    provoke    confrontations    .          at    the    moment    ,      you    are    unsure    what    you    should    do    about    your    .  .  .

.  .  .    FAINTHEARTED    FEAR    OF    FAILURE    .          at    the    present    time    ,      you    are    seriously    challenged    by    your    stressful    conditions    .          it    may    be    job    related    or    interpersonal    difficulties    or    emotional    problems    which    threaten    to    rob    you    of    strength    .          you    force    yourself    to    face    the    challenge    nonetheless    .          behind    your    unswerving    attitude    hides    the    immobilizing    fear    that    you    might    not    make    it    ,    and    as    a    result    could    be    exposed     as    incompetent    or    even    as    failure    ,      and    would    lose    the    respect    of    others    .          you    find    it    embarrassing    .

TAGGED    BY    :      no one, i stole it from @sunlightswallowed​ TAGGING    :      eh ? LINK    :      x

[rpnzel]

IN    YOUR    HEART    .

love    is    intrinsic    ,      inevitable    ,      love    is    the    beating    core    of    everything    ;    love    is    also    hard    to    talk    about    .          your    love    comes    out    with    more    rareness    ,      mostly    shows    up    for    the    big    things    in    a    big    way    ————    this    doesn’t    mean    it    doesn’t    beat    for    the    small    stuff   ,      you    feel    it    all    ,      in    fact    you    feel    it    more    intensely    than    most    which    is    why    it’s    so    hard    to    get    out    .          you    hold    your    love    inside    you    because    it    matters    ,      it    might    be    the    only    thing    that    does    .

TAGGED    BY    :      stole from @verglase​ thx effie <3 TAGGING    :      i’m days late so do it if you haven’t yet! LINK    :    x

[rpnzel]

YOU    PROJECT    YOUR    INSECURITIES    .          people    want    to    love    you    ,      but    you’re    so    worried    about    if    everyone    hates    you   instead    that    you    end    up    warding    them    off    .          you    don’t    have    to    keep    yourself    so   locked    up    ,      it’s    okay    to    let    someone    hold    your    hand    .

TAGGED    BY    :      stole    from    @irnmaidn​ TAGGING    :      uh LINK    :      x

[rpnzel]

WHEN    YOU    SLEEP    ON    THEIR    SHOULDER    .

when    you    rest    your    head    on    their    shoulder    ,      when    you    bump    your    knees    together    sitting    next   to    each    other    ,      and    when    they    brush    hands    with    you    in    passing    .          the    little    touches    ,      they    make    up    something    whole    .          when    you    feel    such    a    comforting    presence    you’ve    subconsciously    ignored    ,      and    realize    one    day    how    nice    it    would    feel    to    share    a    bed    together    .          when    physical    sensations    in    everyday    life    make    you    realize    ,      “    i    like    having    you    in    my    hands    .    ”

TAGGED    BY    :          stole from @umvetrinn​ TAGGING    :          literally a lot of people on my dash have done this already so. meh. if you see this and haven’t done it, do it.

[rpnzel]

001.     »     identity       »     anatomy . 001.     »     identity       »     habits  . 001.     »     identity       »     introspect  . 001.     »     identity       »     aesthetic  .

002.     »     relationship     »     eugene fitzherbert  . 002.     »     relationship     »     queen arianna ; mother  . 002.     »     relationship     »     king frederic ; father  . 002.     »     relationship     »     the witch ; gothel  . 002.     »     relationship     »     cassandra  . 002.     »     relationship     »     varian  . 002.     »     relationship     »     elsa  . 002.     »     relationship     »     anna  . 002.     »     relationship     »     hiccup horrendous haddock  .

003.     »     destination     »     corona  .