#.l..0.ll

[cupfullofpapas]

Just a little fic/drabble that was stuck in my head that I wanted to get out, it's been a long while since I actually sat down and wrote something that wasn't rp, so yeah, if you read thank you and enjoy!, and sorry for any spelling errors, dyslexia is a bitch on stilts. Rated: PG ? I guess for language Characters: Divine, Papa Nihil, Sister Imperator, Papa 1 2 & 3

The blood moon couldn't come soon enough some in the Clergy thought, the night where hell and their realm became connected and ghouls, ghoulettes could cross over with the Dark Ones blessing, Divine had been that crossed over simply to see the human realm she was curious, very curious and as they say curiosity kill the cat- or in this case trapped it and that is how the Ministry got an extra another ghoulette. Papa Nihil sat typing away tap…tap…tap before pausing. "Come out ghuleh." Divine stepped from the shadows arms crossed. "You're getting better old man." To that the old pope narrowed his eyes at her before continuing to type ignoring the ghoulette as she came closer leaning over to see what he was typing her raven hair falling into his face. "Cazzo, Divine why don't you go find one of my sons to bother, sì?." Nihil huffed at the ghoulette gently swatting some of her hair out of his face.

"Yeah, yeah I will just saying good morning." "Good morning ghuleh." "Also whats this button do." "Don't!-." To late with the press of the key the type writer ejected the page. "Umm.. is it supposed to do that?." "No." The page was grabbed from the floor and handed back to him, Nihil staring at her like a disappointed father.

"Okay, okay fucks sake I'm going." Divine huffed hands being held up in mock defense, stepping out of the room the ghoulette could hear the faint sound of Sister Imperators voice and quickly turned on her heel to head into the opposite direction greeting the Ministries Siblings as she passed them, smirking as she used her tail to stick Sister Tam in the ass when she walked by making the poor nun squeak and shoot the ghoulette a dirty look to which Divine stuck her long tongue between her middle and pointer fingers wiggling flustering the poor girl farther and a few other Siblings at that making her giggle.

She loved it just how easy some humans got so flustered so easy, their scents always became so sweet it was like a drug to the ghoulette, one she sometimes abused. It didn't take long to find the boys of course in their card room playing that weird game with all the colors. As the door opened all three brothers stood up before realizing who it was.

"It's just you." Secondo spoke taking his seat again grabbing his hand Primo and Terzo following suit. "Well aren't you a fucking ray of sunshine as always." that got a snicker from Terzo who tried to stifle it. "Fratellino, don't encourage her." Secondo spoke while placing a while card down. "Blu." That got a frustrated grumble from Primo as he picked up one card, another, another, another… and another ……. and another. "Damn it!." Primo cursed finally laying a blue seven down frowning at his now full hand. "I was one away, one fucking away." Divine snickered as she moved in to sit beside Terzo whom gladly scooted over a bit for the ghoulette his arm laying over her shoulder letting her look at the brightly colored cards in his hand her tail wrapping around his leg she had told him it was something ghoulettes did to show affection when really it was just so she could feel safe and content part of her felt that he knew the truth but never questioned it. Divine continued watching this odd ritual of slapping the pretty colored cards down trying to remember what the name was. "Uno." Secondo spoke holding up one card in unison Terzo and Primo who probably both had twenty five cards each grumbled while Divine suddenly sat forward.

"THAT'S IT!, THAT'S THE NAME!." she yelled in triumph however she caught all three off guard making each previous papa jump with a flurry of cursing, the jumping knocked into the table sending cards flying and Terzo to accidentally step on her spade tipped tail making the ghoulette hiss jumping away heel slipping on a red 4 making the female fall landing on her backside.

"Fuck my ass!." She yelled in pain, the door flying open at that Imperator standing in the doorway. "What is going on in here?!." She yelled as the brothers righted the table and Divine sat back nursing her tail. "Nothing, nothing Sister just a game of Uno that got a little heated." Primo being the responsible one explained. "It won't happen again." "Make sure that it does not." Imperator looked at each of them before closing the door, while Secondo rolled his eyes and collected the playing cards, Primo pinching the bridge of his nose with a sigh Terzo checking on the ghoulette.

"Cara, are you alright?, is your tail okay?." Divine puffed her cheeks at him and turned with a 'hmph'. "Oh come now let's not play this game, eh?." He got another 'hmph' from her before he stood only to have a tail wrapped around his arm tugging him back down into a cuddle attack from the ghoulette his hand patting her head getting a purr from the female. Both Primo and Secondo rolled their eyes almost in unison their little brother was a ghoul and ghoulette magnet is seemed Omega, Alpha and now Divine. "Alright let's go get something to eat, I'm starving." Primo opened the door holding it for Secondo to take it then Terzo whom held it for the ghoulette.

"You guys go enjoy lunch I'm going to go to the band room." Divine waved them of as she turned on a heel and skipped down the hallway only to get told to stop by Nihil who was passing by the old dark pope giving a huff. "That girl behaves more like an unruly teenager than a messenger from the Dark Lord." He threw his hands up mumbling as he continued on his way his oxygen being wheeled behind him.

[niltutgut]

(c) Peter Schillinger

https://www.instagram.com/0.ll.0.ll.0.l

[mcu-coworkers]

Where do broken hearts go?

Miguel O’Hara x reader

Summary: You decide to do Miguel a favor and give him what he wants. or so you thought you did.

Word count:1k+

A/n: I came up with this at 1am:0 pt.2 is in the works

Parts: I^ II  III

Ever since the multiverse was disrupted he changed.

Little by little, day by day, you began to see it worsen. You began to see him worsen.

And there was nothing you could do to help him, he made that very clear.

You loved Miguel with every fiber of your being. It was almost embarrassing considering he barely did so much as look your way when he came home.

It wasn't always like this, and those were the moments you clung to when your thoughts were at their darkest.

Before all of this he was happy, we were happy.

The man   I   loved kissed me almost every second we were together and never went a day without telling me a cheesy punch line to get a laugh out of me.

When he proposed to you it was the happiest day of your life, you thought it could only get better from here.

You were marrying the love of your life. What could go wrong?

You understood him, or at least you tried but it was hard at times when the closest you could get to him lately was standing on the other side of the door to his office where he’d just ignore you some more.

The furthest you got was when you urged him to talk to you but all he said was “ You? What could you possibly do to help me? You don't even know what a cannon event is let alone an anomaly! Por dios.” and straight into his office he went.

As much as you loved your husband you knew that a minute more of this would kill you.

You were two strangers living under the safe roof at this point, he wouldn't even notice if you left.

So you did.

First you called your lawyer to prepare the divorce papers, next you found a place to stay, packed your bags and now you were ready.

You wanted to tell him face to face but as soon as you looked his way he shrugged you off once again.

“Not now Y/n  I   have reports to write for the spider society.”  and like always you were just another fly on the wall.

Sighing with tears brimming your eyes you grabbed a notebook and a pen.

You began writing a goodbye that he probably wouldn't even bother to read.

Dear Miguel,

Things haven't been the same for sometime now. It feels like the man  I   once fell in love with doesn't love me anymore and I've been hurting ever since.   I   feel like I'm holding you back from achieving your goal with all of these canon events and things  I   don't understand. I   can't live like this anymore and I'm sorry it took me so long to realize.   I   guess what I'm trying  to tell you is that I'm leaving. Next to this note that you might not even read is an envelope with divorce papers that I've already signed and left ready for you to give to my lawyer to finalize the divorce. Lastly,  I   want to thank you for giving me what will always be the best years of my life. I'll cherish them with everything  I   am and always smile at the beautiful memories we made together. I'm sorry things didn't work out the way we thought they would.

With love always,

Y/n L/n

You didn't realize at what moment you began to cry but you’d managed to stain the letter. At that point you had no energy to write the damn thing all over again so you just folded it up and left it on top of the envelope.

Taking off your ring and wedding bang you set them next to it and walked out the door.

Giving what was once your home one last look, you turned your back to it and let the cool air hit your face as you got in your car and made your way to the airport.

No more going back Y/n, no more Miguel O’hara.

Little did you know as soon as you’d closed that front door Miguel's head poked out of his office, you never went out this late at night.

“Y/n? What did  I   tell you about taking out the trash?  I  ‘ll do it.” he said as he came out of his office annoyed by your lack of communication.

“Y/n? Y/n! Donde estas mujer?” (where are you woman?) he spoke out as he walked around the house.

No response.

After checking all the rooms and coming up empty handed Miguel started to feel a tightness in his chest.

“Boss, you should see these reports.” Lyla said over his shoulder.

“Not now Lyla  I  ‘m looking for my wife.” he said, shrugging the AI off.

“You think that stuff on the counter will give some clues?” she said pointing towards the letters in the kitchen.

Stopping in his tracks he turned towards the kitchen.

There was no fucking way, he thought to himself.

You’d never do this to him.

But you did.

Opening the letter he read it and quickly that tightness in his chest got tighter and his body began to shake as he felt panic consume him.

“Miguel… that envelope.” Lyla said quietly hoping it wasn't what she thought. But it was and she could just see her boss begin to break.

Ripping the envelope open he realized this isn't some kind of sick joke from your part.

Seeing your signature at the end of the page broke Miguel to pieces.

He read over the letter over and over hoping to find some clue as to where you went so he could bring you back home to him.

He knew he'd been distant for some time now but he didnt know it had affected you this badly, if he did he would've changed.

He would do anything to keep you by his side. He thought that by coming home at a decent hour you'd be happy even if he was just in his office.

Well fuck was he so wrong about that.

Picking up your rings Miguel finally let go of the tears he’d been trying so hard to hold back.

The feeling of the cold silver in the palm of his hands was like a slap in the face forcing him to accept that you’d left him.

You left thinking he hated you and for that he’d never be able to forgive himself, not for that or any of this.

Taking a deep breath he tried to focus.

“Lyla, call Jess, tell her she's in charge of the spider society until  I find my wife and bring her home.” he ordered as he stood up walking towards your shared bedroom.

“Yes boss. Go get your girl back!.” she replied wishing him the best of luck before heading off to find his sub in.

Miguel had all the resources in the world, finding you would only take him seconds.

It was convincing you to come back that would be his biggest challenge.

But first he was paying a visit to your lawyer.

[diyahatnight]

💵 Rich love!

famous people in a nutshell | Scaramouch x gn reader!

Modern AU

Summary ||: You are a model, modeling for Jean’s model agency, when you do a collaboration with EI’s Model angency the mother of your favorite purple haired boy

Pairings ||: Model Scaramouche x Model gn! Reader +other small ships

Notes from author ||: Ive been seeing people do things like this so i’ve decided to give it a go! Scaracoochie has been a trending character for a while now so he’s gonna be the main lover. I’m going to try my best to be inclusive because i’m so used to writing MLF. But just for you guys I will start writing MLGN or FLGN. If you’d like to add more to the plot of this smau just let me know in ask.

Genre ||: Romance? Realizing your feelings.

ongoing

Warnings ||: Fluff, mentions of sex, and selling nudes. Really close relationships with friends.

click taglist under this to and comment on separate post.

click Taglist! closing soon

click Ask! to be removed from taglist

Act l - I must be going crazy?

01. Get that bag

02. Starting an only fans

03. C is for cute

04. Look at these 0’s

05. Going on blind dates

06. Dating a fan

07. You think i’m cute?

08. Becoming a streamer

09. Rich and Famous

10. Dating (not a official yet?)

11. Broke

Act ll - maybe meant to be?

12. coming not soon

[1ris5starlight]

Yep, we know.

For three weeks you have been gone, but it's really nice to have you back!

(0:31) ops-🤭

(0:43) Earth? Did you discovered the channel was deleted?

(1:14) Earth! Take a second! Calm down!

(2:13) What?! Were those the reasons?!

(2:30) PTF-🤣

(3:02) MOON. NO. DON'T CALL THEM!

(6:16) HEYY! THAT WOULD BE EVEN WORST!

(7:01) . . . What connections?

(8:38) YEAH. LEGALLY MOON.

L E G A L L Y.

(9:19) Nope, in fact you skipped 3 weeks.

(11:36) Geez- wait, do people say that?

(13:45) 😧😠 HEY! THAT'S MEAN!

(14:07) NO! DON'T HURT PEOPLE! (EVEN IF THEY DESERVE IT-)

(14:40) Yes, that's the best option right now..

(14:48) yes Sun, keep him in place pls-

(15:13) Moon- not the time-

(15:58) I mean- it kinda is at this point-

(17:24) *angry* OK THAT PISSED ME OFF- WHAT THE H*LL?! WHY THEY KEEP DOING THAT?!

(19:17) Nuuu, don't bully him!

Well, it's your back!!

[karriethemechtech]

I've been doing some investigative reporting on the WoB forces--just a bit more digging before the landing force touches ground. I keep seeing reports related to the Helios system and some kind of WoB Assault 'Mech called the Ragnarok, but what information on it does exist is confusing and matches no technical specifications I could find. So, I gave it the old DeLacey try, dug through everything (there isn't much!) there is on the thing, and filled in the gaps based on my own 'Mech design knowledge. I'd put money on these being the specs for the Ragnarok if we do encounter one or more after touching ground. It's a mean long-ranged machine, with twin Gauss rifles and a Plasma gun to boot--be extremely careful if you see one, letting it get targeting data from a closer C3i-linked mech is a death sentence.

Ragnarok C-RAG-O

Mass: 100 tons Chassis: Standard Biped Power Plant: 200 Fusion Cruising Speed: 21.6 kph Maximum Speed: 32.4 kph Jump Jets: None Jump Capacity: 0 meters Armor: Light Ferro-Fibrous Armament: 1 LRM 20 1 Plasma Rifle 2 Gauss Rifle Manufacturer: Unknown Primary Factory: Unknown Communication System: Unknown Targeting & Tracking System: Unknown Introduction Year: 3072 Tech Rating/Availability: E/X-X-E-X Cost: 10,741,667 C-bills

Overview The Ragnarok is an Assault 'Mech that was developed by the Word of Blake. Little to nothing is known about the 'Mech's development.

Capabilities The Ragnarok, rare as it was on the battlefields of the Jihad, is mostly spoken of in rumors. Leaked after-action reports from Clan Wolf-in-Exile show the 'Mech was powered by a rating 200 fusion engine of an unknown make, as well as protected by some amount of Ferro Fibrous armor and armed with a Gauss Rifle in each arm. These reports also spoke of a "Lava Gun" that fired superheated projectiles, but this is likely a description of a Plasma Rifle by a MechWarrior unfamiliar with the weapons platform. While there were also mentions of some form of "LosTech Shield" that granted the mech invulnerable, such a device is highly unlikely.The remaining information that exists on this mech was compiled as a speculative report by 3rd SLDF Senior Warrant Officer Karrie DeLacey. While reported as Ferro-Fibrous, the armor mounted on the Ragnarok was likely a Light Ferro-Fibrous compound obtained from the Free Worlds League during the Word's time there, which also speaks to a potential timeline for the machine's production. 18.5 tons of it have been assumed given reports of the 'Mech's extreme durability. The 'Mech was likely also armed with an LRM 20, as long-ranged missile capability was reported, with additional accuracy provided by an Artemis IV Fire Control System. Two tons of Plasma rifle ammunition, three tons of LRM 20 ammunition, and 3 Tons of Gauss rifle ammunition likely gave the Ragnarok almost 2 minutes of firing, which using Double Heat Sinks it likely could without overheating so long as it stood still.

Deployment There are officially no known battles in which the Ragnarok was deployed, and if it existed it is believed to have been passed over in favor of the "holy flexibility" of the Celestial line of Omnimechs. However, unofficial reports exist of the deployment of a single Ragnarok in the Helios system during the Jihad in a battle with Clan Wolf-in-Exile, though no such battle is known to have occurred.

Type: Ragnarok Technology Base: Inner Sphere (Standard) Tonnage: 100 Battle Value: 2,227

Equipment Mass Internal Structure 10 Engine 200 Fusion 8.5 Walking MP: 2 Running MP: 3 Jumping MP: 0 Double Heat Sink 10 [20] 0 Gyro 2 Cockpit 3 Armor Factor (Light Ferro) 307 18.5 Internal Armor Structure Value Head 3 9 Center Torso 31 47 Center Torso (rear) 15 R/L Torso 21 32 R/L Torso (rear) 10 R/L Arm 17 34 R/L Leg 21 42

Right Arm Actuators: Shoulder, Upper Arm, Lower Arm Left Arm Actuators: Shoulder, Upper Arm, Lower Arm

Weapons and Ammo Location Critical Heat Tonnage Gauss Rifle Ammo (8) LL 1 - 1.0 Gauss Rifle Ammo (8) CT 1 - 1.0 Improved C3 Computer RT 2 - 2.5 Artemis IV FCS RT 1 - 1.0 LRM 20 RT 5 6 10.0 Double Heat Sink RT 3 - 1.0 Gauss Rifle LA 7 1 15.0 CASE LT 1 - 0.5 Plasma Rifle LT 2 10 6.0 Double Heat Sink LT 3 - 1.0 Plasma Rifle Ammo (20) LT 2 - 2.0 LRM 20 Artemis-capable Ammo (18) LT 3 - 3.0 Gauss Rifle Ammo (8) RL 1 - 1.0 Gauss Rifle RA 7 1 15.0

Features the following design quirks: Distracting, Rugged (1 Point), Obsolete, Oversized

[stuckonmain]

On the Road to Nowhere

2012 Raph x Reader

Mutant Apocalypse timeline

Summary: After the mutagen bomb goes off, you manage to save Raph and Donnie. Sort of. Dealing with new bodies, memory loss, missing brothers and friends...was maybe not how any of you wanted your adult lives to go, but the world has changed beyond repair.

So with a heavy heart, you and your battered dream team set off onto the road to nowhere.

In other words, the early days of the Mutant Apocalypse.

Warnings: Angst, sadness, the characters cry a lot, bittersweet ending, really hefty word count, implied capriltello but it's in the background, Raphael is trans in this because it's my fic and my rules

Word count: 13.6k

***

Day 0.

  Donnie was hooked up to some machine of theirs, trying as hard as he could to save his brain as their body was mangled beyond repair, Casey was texting you nonstop, Mikey and Leo were MIA, Raph was curled up on the couch, and you were sitting on the floor trying to process everything.

CaseyjONES:

R you guys okay??? No ones responding. Me and april are at my house 

CaseyjONES:

(Y/N) seriously what’s going on? I know you can see this i see your read symbol

CaseyjONES:

Where are you guys???

  Oh yeah. Now that you were done attaching Donnie to his one shot at survival, you could stop ignoring Casey’s texts. Nice.

You:

Sorry Case’ I was kinda preoccupied for a bit there

You:

Leo n Mikey are missing. Donnie and I retreated back into the lair. Raph is freaking out, I think he hit his head. Would ask Dee, but Dee is compromised. 

CaseyjONES:

Compromised???

You:

They fell off a building and got impaled. Is currently uploading his consciousness into an old Metalhead prototype. Very horrifying to witness. Status update, I feel like throwing up.

CaseyjONES:

…

CaseyjONES:

Shit

You:

Shit indeed

You: 

Anyways, I’m mostly uninjured. Arm mighta gotten mildly sprained but y’know what i’ll worry bout that later. Lair is a mess, only thing really salvageable was the lab. Probably gonna leave as soon as dee is stable. How are you guys?

CaseyjONES:

My sister got mutated. Last thing she touched was our cat so now she’s got claws. Shes freakin out and aprils trying to calm her down with empath powers or whatever. My dad is MIA but good riddance if ya ask me. Broke mty arm so im typing this with 1 hand, and april sprained her ankel. The cat has miraculously survived + is sittig w/ me on the couch wich is pretty cool ngl

You:

So youre all stable???

CaseyjONES:

Yea

You:

Oh thank god

You: 

Cas my phones about to die. Dee n i will contact ya soon as theyre stable. Love ya. Stay safe or i’ll kill u

CaseyjONES:

Cool cool. Love you too. keep everyone+urself safe. Hopefully we;ll see yo soon.

  You sighed as your phone clicked off, definitively cutting off your final connection to your friends.

  Raph whimpered behind you in one of the most un-Raph like ways you’d ever heard, and you turned around.

  “Raph? You okay?” You rasped.

  He was curled around himself tightly, rocking back and forth.

  “Who the fuck are you?” He whispered, tears in his eyes.

  You winced. You were guessing he had some form of amnesia, or some kind of damage to the hippocampus.

   “I’m (Y/N). (Y/N) (L/N). You’re my best friend, but I think you hit your head in all the chaos.” You said slowly, feeling your heart sink even further.

  He gave a strangled sob and shoved his face into his knee pads. “I hate this. Who the fuck am I?”

  “You’re Raphael Hamato. You’re the son of Splinter or Hamato Yoshi. You’re the brother of Donatello, Leonardo, and Michelangelo, and the father of Chompy Picasso. You’re the best friend ever to me. You hit your head when Leo saved us from the mutagen bomb. I’m pretty sure it is currently the end of the known world.” You answered slowly, robotically. You were half-aware of how you were saying it for your own sanity as much as you were for Raph’s.

  “Where are we?” Raph said, voice trembling in a way that seemed so out of character.

  “Your home. Well. Sorta. It kinda got partially destroyed, there were a lotta cave ins.” You said numbly, standing up. “D’ya wanna tour? See if it…I’unno, sparks a few memories?”

  He pressed his shell to the back of the couch, scooting away from you. “D’you think that’ll help? …How do I know I can trust you?”

  “...C’mere.” You said, waving towards Donnie’s bulletin board in the back of the lab. Hesitantly, Raph followed after you, though not without a groan of pain.

  “That’s you.” You murmured, unpinning a photo of a smiling Raph and Casey as they posed in front of a wall you’d all spray painted. “I took this photo when we were fifteen, about three years ago. That human is Casey Jones, our close friend.”

  Raph took the photo, squeezing it lightly in his shaky hands. “Show me another.” He demanded.

  “Here’s you and I at the farmhouse.” You smiled fondly at the memory. “I was bored and convinced you to let me give you eyeliner.” Photo-Raph was scowling at the camera, with his arms crossed and pointy winged liner around his eyes. Photo-you was grinning proudly, holding the eyeliner pen with one hand and giving photo-Raph a side-hug with the other.

  Real-Raph accepted the photo. “That’s me, then?”

  “Yeah.” 

  “Why don’t I look like you and this guy?”

  “We’re humans. You’re a mutant.” You said simply. “A turtle/human hybrid, like your siblings.” 

  You pointed to a group shot. “The one with the blue mask is Leonardo, orange is Mikey, and purple is…uhm. Well, purple was Donnie...” You said, trying to choke back tears as you stared at the photo. “I-is any of this…y’know, ringing any bells?” You managed to mumble out through your tears. 

  Raph shook his head. “No.”

  “Oh.” You said, feeling a fresh new wave of dread wash over you. You took a deep breath. “Well. That’s not ideal.” 

  “Where are the other…turtles?” Asked Raph, clearly hesitant to call these supposed strangers his siblings, which nearly broke you even further.

  “Mikey and Leo are missing, and Donnie…” You sighed. “Well, I’d probably better just show you.”

  You lead him over to the table where Donnies mutilated body sat underneath a sheet. Wires ran from underneath it and connected to a tiny Metalhead robot.

  “What’s…wrong with him?” Raph said softly, reaching for the sheet.

  “Don’t.” You breathed, brushing his hand away. “You don’t wanna see it, trust me. They fell off a building and got impaled by shrapnel and debris. Their body isn’t exactly pretty or…y’know. Recognizable as Donatello.”

  “They’re dead?” Raph asked, and the tinge of discomfort in his voice wasn’t nearly enough for the situation- the Raph you knew would be yelling and crying and screaming, not…not being mildly uncomfortable in the way that one is when a stranger dies.

  “Yes and no. He’s uploading his brain into that robot. There’s only about an hour left before it loads. After that, we’re outta here for good. The scavengers’ll be coming soon, so we havta get a move on sooner than later.” You said, an empty hollow feeling in your chest as you said the words ‘for good’. 

  It just felt so real.

  “C’mon. Let’s see if your room has anything salvageable.” You grunted, leaving Donnie’s body behind.

  Raph’s room had partially caved in, but the front of it still looked okay. His drum set sat undamaged in the corner, though you doubted there was room for it in the Shellraiser, so it was a moot point.

  Raph stared vacantly at the place that had once mattered so much to him, without a single hint that he recognized any of it in his empty features. You wanted to hug him so bad. Maybe more for your own comfort than for his. 

  But then again, you needed the familiar hug of your best friend…not this vacant eyed empty shell of a turtle who didn’t recognize you.

  “Oh hey look. That box says ‘photos’ on it.” Raph said lightly, pointing at a dusty shoebox that sat under the bed and breaking you out of your spiralling thoughts.

  “It also says ‘do not touch’.” You pointed out.

  “Yeah well, I think I’d want me to know what’s in my own ‘do not touch’ box.” Raph grunted, sounding like his old sarcastic self again for just a moment.

  You held your hands up and stepped aside, and Raph scooped up the box. 

  He took off the lid, and picked up one of the photos. “...Who’s Venus?” He said, holding up a photo of a little turtle in a red bow with the label ‘Venus De Milo’. 

  You frowned, staring at the photo in confusion. Judging by the line drawn over the word ‘Venus’, Raph clearly had not wanted you to know about it, but the name didn’t ring any bells. “Actually, I don’t know. I’ve never met a Venus. Maybe you guys had some long lost sister that no one told me about?”

  “Seriously? What kinda soap opera bullshit would that be?” Raph snorted.

  “I mean. It wouldn’t be the first time.” You shrugged. 

  “...Wait, really?”

  “S’okay, we’ll ask Donnie.” You said. “Now…I’m pretty sure you’d want me to save your sketchbook and paints. Your canvases too, but we don’t have room for that.”

  He swallowed, flipping through the sketchbook you’d handed him, tracing over the doodles on the cover. “Fuck. I…I don’t remember any of these.” He murmured, not even bothering to wipe the tears from under his mask.

  “And I…I can’t find Chompy.” You whispered, rifling around his room a final time. “Shit. Shit shit shit. M-maybe he ran away…” You trailed off, wiping your face with your torn-up shirtsleeve.

  “Chompy?”

  You looked away from him. “Chompy Picasso. Alien turtle. Your son, basically...and I-I can’t fucking find him anywhere. Hopefully he got out before we came here, otherwise…” You swallowed a sob. 

  Raph stared at you, looking sick. “I had a son? But aren’t we…teenagers?” He said, his voice devoid of the raging grief he would have felt before, and replaced with a look of discomfort and horror at being a stranger to his own life.

  “An adoptive son, practically, yeah. And you…you loved him so, so much…He was so fucking cute…” You cried, your voice cracking. “Shit, Raph. You don’t remember Chompy…”

  “Shit.” He agreed, staring at the ground.

***

  Donnie was stable now, opening and closing his new metal hands.

  “How’s Raph?” They said. Their voice had taken on a metallic ring, though it still sounded like Donnie at its core.

  “Brain damage. He’s got brain damage.” You answered, glancing over to the far side of the lab where Raph sat, flipping through his box of photos.

  “What?!”

  “He doesn’t remember anything. That’s why he's keeping his distance. Said it feels weird.” 

  “Memory loss.” Donnie said, and the creaking breathy sounds that followed could only be described as crying although his new metal face remained neutral. 

  You held out your arms and Donnie fell into them, shaking and sobbing but not really. They were so small now, which felt wrong, because Donnie had always been close to your height if not taller.

  Well, it didn’t matter. This was Donnie now, and that stranger in the corner staring at the photos was Raph, and that haggard looking human in the mirror was you.

  Day 0 of the apocalypse and you were already all falling apart at the seams.

  Nice.

***

Day 1.

  Raph forgot his own name for a few hours, and Donnie panicked. He’d say to you later that it was nice to know his circuitry was still capable of having a panic attack, but his voice would be hollow. Well, more so than it was already with that robotic tremor to his voice. 

  But at the moment, you were sitting with your arms around a trembling Metalhead who was actually Donatello, and making uncomfortable eye contact with Raph who sat across from you on the floor of the Shellraiser.

  His bright green eyes were narrowed in frustration, and his plastron rose and fell quicker than usual. He was probably hyperventilating. 

  You kept your distance. When you’d tried to comfort him earlier, he’d tried to shank you with a piece of glass he’d found on the ground. You didn’t hold it against him, really- he’d yelled “Who the hell are you?! Stay back!” first, so you at least knew it wasn’t out of malice.

  And it also meant that he was more damaged than you and Donnie had originally thought. 

  Probably permanently, Donnie had said through gasping breaths before he realized he didn’t actually need air anymore. 

  Fuck. 

  “I’m sorry, Raph.” You found yourself saying, because you were. It may have stung having him try to hurt you, but what stung more was the look of pure fear and confusion in his face. 

  He broke eye contact with you and dropped his face onto his knee pads again, slumping over in shame and sorrow. 

  “I’m sorry (Y/N), Donatello.” He replied, voice slightly muffled by his legs, which were pulled to his chest.

  “Don’t be.” You muttered. “It’s not your fault. You didn’t mean to.”

  Donnie nodded. “It’s not your fault. It’s mine. I should’ve treated you sooner, then you might’ve stood a chance-”

  “Shut up Donatello. If you had done that then you woulda bled out and died and you are not allowed to fucking die on me, we clear?” You hissed, squeezing his metal shoulders.

  “I did die, (Y/N).” Donnie said flatly, pointing at the bag that held their body.

  “Shit.” You said, letting your gaze follow his finger as you let it finally sink in that yeah you were talking to Donnie, but also that was his fucking corpse in the back of the Shellraiser. “Shit shit shit. You’re still with us, but like…man this is fucked up, huh? You’re not dead, Don, you’re still you, but…”

  “What if I’m not?! I’m a robot! Maybe the real Donatello is dead! What if I’m just a really good simulation?! What if I just think I’m panicking because it’s what Donatello would do?” He exclaimed, tugging on Metalhead’s antennae when he would usually tug on his mask tails.

  “Well if it makes you feel any better, I’m pretty sure human emotions are a physical chemical reaction too. So one could argue that I’m just freaking out because the chemicals in my brain are reacting rather than me actually feeling things, right?” You offered.

  “...I guess…Look I think I'm gonna go into sleep mode now, okay? It’s been a long day.” They sighed.

  “Yeah, okay. See ya tomorrow, Don. Love you.” You said, patting his shoulder. 

  “Ditto.” They said, and then the lights went out in their eyes.

  Raph sighed, staring at his sibling. “It feels weird being taller than them for some reason.” He grunted, breaking the silence.

  “Oh, you remember that?” You said hopefully.

  “Nah. I guess it just….feels weird. I dunno.”

  “Well…Yeah it really does. Donnie always towered over you and Leo. Mikey hit a growth spurt like two years ago and wound up almost as tall, and you nearly cried at that...” You rambled, smiling. 

  “Oh. That explains it, I guess.” Raph snorted. “Was I…taller than Leo? Just out of curiosity, of course…” He added, looking hopeful.

  “Nah. Leo’s 5’2ish. You are 5’1.” 

  “...Fuck.” Raph cursed. “That is unfair, y’know that?”

  “You complained about it often.” You smiled. “It was kinda adorable.”

  “Adorable?” Raph said, wrinkling his snout.

  “Yeah. Ha. I uh….called you that a lot, guess it’s kinda a habit. Not because you’re short but because I thought you were cute. Uh…by which I mean good-looking, not cute like a kitten or something.” You said with a shrug. “Not that it really matters.”

  “Oh. That’s cool then, I guess.” Raph said with a slight smile.

  You smiled. “So I can keep callin’ you adorable?”

  “Sure. Knock yourself out.” 

  You glanced out the window of the Shellraiser. It was still too bright out to travel safely to Casey’s apartment, with too many angry mindless mutants destroying everything in sight. You and Donnie had agreed to wait till the cover of night to head over there, in hopes that the new mutants would retain their usual sleep schedule.

  “Damn. How long’ll this take?” You mumbled. It was six in the evening, but still bright as ever outside…

  A pink thing slammed into the front camera, sending you falling back in shock.

  Upon further inspection, it appeared to be a once-human that had been nearly swallowed by brainy, vein-covered tendrils. You choked back a gag.

  Raph swallowed and clicked the camera off, looking greener than usual as the image faded.

  “Ugh. Gross.” You whispered.

  “So I’m assuming that things weren’t alway like this, right?” Raph said softly.

  “Nope. You, my friend, would much prefer the Old World…” You paused, having a realization. “Shit. I bet that if this were a transcript, ‘Old World’ would be fucking capitalized.” 

  “So….there’s no way to undo whatever happened?”

  “Nah. Dee’s run the numbers. The odds of the Earth bouncing back from this…are in the negatives.” You said, unable to summon anything other than an empty sigh.

  “...What was your Earth like?” Raph asked, raising his brow ridge as he stared at you gently, as if you were some sorta fragile ceramic that could break at any minute.

  Or as if you were a tearful human who’s world had just turned upside down.

  You heaved a sigh, and sat down next to him on the floor.

  “Well…there were trees yesterday. Green trees, not those crystal lookin’ things in Central Park that we saw this morning. And yesterday, this was New York, and it was full of people, not…those brain mutants and animal hybrids and…fuckin’  masses of organs suspended in jello. I dunno how far reaching the mutation bomb was, but Dee’s scanners have picked up on stuff as far as Florida to the south and Quebec to the north, and that’s not even counting the ones that went off on the West Coast and outside of America. Whatever it was that terraformed the Earth did a fucking good job.” You sighed, pulling your knees to your chest.

  “So the old world really is the Old World.” Raph breathed. 

  “Yup. I…I don’t think we’ll ever get our homes back, Raphael.” You whispered. 

  Yesterday morning when you’d said something like that, Raph had pulled you into a wordless hug and you’d pressed your face into his chest and cried. 

  This evening as you sat on the floor crying, Raph stared at you sadly but kept his distance.

  And you were reminded once again that you really were alone.

***

You: Casey we’re headed over

You: Read ya messages case

You: Dude seriously, are you guys okay?

Sent: 4hrs ago, unread

You: We’re here…

Sent: 1hr ago, unread

***

  “Case’? Casey?” You yelled, wandering through his apartment. “April…”

  “April! Casey!” Donnie yelled even louder than you. His face couldn’t emote, but his voice was high and desperate, and you were pretty sure they were twice as nervous as you were.

  “He hasn’t replied to any messages since like three pm, and we’ve searched this dump for like an hour. I don’t think your friends are here, guys.” Raph sighed, crossing his arms. 

  “Shut up!” You and Donnie chorused, and Raph rolled his eyes. 

  “Fine, whatever! We’ll just stay here forever then I guess!” He snapped.

  “Yeah well maybe we’re not being big babies, Raph! Don’t you care about finding Casey?!”

  “I don’t know who the fuck Casey is!” Raph growled.

  Donnie deflated. “...You’re right. I…I’m sorry, Raph. I forgot that you’re…y’know.”

  “Brain damaged? Nice. Can’t fucking relate.” Raph grunted.

  You exhaled through your nose. “Sorry Rafa. We’re just…we really wanted this lead…” Shit you were crying again. 

  “It’s just…I miss them so much. Casey and April mattered a lot to us, and to you, and we thought they’d….we thought they’d be here, but we’ve lost their signal and now I don’t fucking know what to do…” You whimpered, burying your face into your scarf.

  Donnie tried to pat you on the shoulder but only succeeded in reaching to the small of your back.

  “I miss  them too. Well Raph…Casey and April…well, they mattered a ton to me and it just…is so scary to consider that they might…” 

  They didn’t finish the sentence, but you knew what they meant. 

  That they might be dead. 

  Raph stared at both of you with a grimace, seeming to pick up on the meaning too.

***

Day 15.

  Raph stared at the photos a lot, not recognizing any of them.

  Sometimes he woke up on the floor of the subway car that you, his supposed ‘best friend’, and Donnie, the robot who claimed to be his brother, had dubbed the ‘Shellraiser’. He’d sit there trying to remember where he was, only for him to slowly remember waking up in rubble to a wide pair of (E/C) eyes.

  That was always what he remembered first. 

  Then he’d remember the smell of smoke and something he didn’t have a name for, and the feeling of someone hugging him close to their chest and whispering “It’s okay it’s okay-shit- Dee, he’s not waking up, he’s not- Oh my god Donnie, your- your plastron-”

  He’d opened his eyes a crack to see humans mutating, screaming in horror, before someone shifted his head, and then all he could see was fabric.

  Then he was on an unfamiliar couch with someone squeezing his hand. “Donnie…that’s a thing that’s possible?”

  “No, but do I have any other option?!”

  “...Shit Dee, you- you can’t die on me-”

  “I won’t. I swear I won’t, (Y/N). If my theories are concrete, which they have an-” The voice paused to take a laboured breath. “-an 86.3% chance of being, then my consciousness will- shit that hurts- my consciousness will be uploaded into Metalhead…”

  Raph didn’t remember how that conversation had ended, which he was very okay with. 

  Then after that the other things would begin to come back. Right. Right, he was Raphael, and these two people used to matter a lot to him in the Before Times, supposedly.

  He didn't remember either of you, if he was honest. But if the notes on his Past Self’s photos were trustworthy, then you especially meant the world to him once. 

  He held up a photo of you in different, cleaner clothes. Your eyes were brighter, and you were grinning harder than you ever had now. The note on the back read ‘Reference photo 4 drawing (Y/N)’ in a messy script with a heart drawn next to it. Below it, in smudged print, it said ‘I feel creepy for staring at this for so long… Shit why did I write that down?’

  He frowned and looked at another. This one was of a purple-ish pink turtle that gave the camera a wide smile, and the notation on the back said ‘Chompy I love you so fucking much but stop burning my paper please’

  The next photo wasn’t a photo but a drawing. It was a rough sketch of a human hugging a baby turtle that was drawn in pink, with soft shading and a lot of smudges. The back of this one said ‘Shitty drawing of (Y/N) and Chompy. Felt bad throwing it away though for some reason, idk’

  Raph wrinkled his snout. He disagreed with his Past Self, he thought the drawing looked kinda cute. Still, he’d respect Past Raph’s wishes and hide it away in the ‘Don’t Touch Box’. 

  He looked at the next picture. Venus again. 

  There were a lot of photos in the Don’t Touch Box of this ‘Venus De Milo’, and Raph hadn’t gotten any closer to an answer as to who she was. Heck, there were a few photos where she was completely crossed out with no further commentary. Not that it made much of a difference though, since the commentary that was there was ridiculously unhelpful. ‘Took another one of Sensei’s Venus photos. I wish he’d just let me burn all of them, but instead he just gave me this box and told me to hide them here instead of destroying all our childhood photos. Ugh. I hate them so much, obviously you know why, future me.’

  No, I do not. Why are you so cryptic, Past Me?! Raph clicked in frustration, throwing the Venus photos back into the box. 

  “Lookin’ at Sensei’s old photos, Raph?” Said Donnie, making Raph jump back in surprise. 

  “Dammit, you’re awake?!”

  “Yeah, just finished…charging.” Donnie sighed. “That still feels so weird to say.”

  “Well, you’ve only been like this for…what, a week? Two?” Raph said dryly. 

  “...Yeah. I miss being…tall.” Donnie said softly. Raph got the vibe that they’d actually meant something else, but he didn’t feel like unpacking that right now.

  “I miss you being tall.” Raph agreed. “Maybe that’s a good sign as far as memory stuff goes though.”

  “...Hey, maybe it is, Raph! That’s actually really good!” Donnie said, their voice perking up while their face remained uncannily blank.

  “...Cool.” Raph said. “...Hey, Donnie, who was Venus?”

  Donnie jolted. “-Oh. Right. You found those pictures… I actually forgot about- well. Venus… You’re a transman, Raph, and Venus was your name back before you realized you were a boy.”

  Raph frowned. “I’m a…what?”

  “Well…when we were kids, Splinter named you Venus De Milo because you were physically a girl. Then when we were like thirteen or fourteen you told us that you actually were our brother, not our sister, so Sensei changed your name to Raphael.” Donnie said slowly.

  Raph…did not like that information at all. “So…I’m not a boy?”

  “No you are, it just took a bit of time for you to realize it.” Donnie shrugged. 

  “Good. I…do not like the name Venus.” Raph grunted.

  “Yeah, when we were little you used to make us call you ‘Milo’ instead.” Donnie chuckled. “Splinter was so confused, but he just wanted you to be happy at the end of the day, really…”

  Raph swallowed. “Uhh…Donatello, who’s…Splinter?”

  Donnie’s neck sparked. “Right. Right right right…Raph, Splinter was our dad.” 

  “Oh.” He should know that. What kinda person didn’t even recognize their own father?! 

  Why couldn’t he remember the things that made Past Raph so happy?

  Well he didn’t even remember that he was a fucking girl, so clearly he wasn’t the best judge-

  “G’mornin’ guys” You yawned, leaning over the passenger’s seat where Raph had perched.

  Raph shook his head clear and looked back at you. “Hi.”

  “How’s the new body coming, Don?” You asked, stretching your arms.

  “I’m almost done with the shell. I’ve made it segmented this time so that I can actually bend over, see?” They said, bending the large shell made of sewer plates.

  “Oh. That’s really rad, Dee.” You said proudly.

  “Yeah, I’m sick of being shorter than Raph.” He chuckled. “I can't wait to finish this model.”

  “Wait, you’re making a new new body?” Raph frowned. “Did I know about that?”

  “Yeah, I told you yesterday, you must have forgotten... S’okay though. Here’s the design, I made these blueprints months ago.”

  “How come? What’s wrong with this robot?” Raph said, glancing over the taller, sleeker design sketch Donnie had handed him.

  Donnie shrugged. “I guess…this is Metalhead’s body, not mine. And I want my body to feel like mine.”   “Oh. Okay, fair enough I guess?” Raph shrugged, not sure how that made sense. Donnie was in the body, so that made it his right? Why’d they need a new one?

  Whatever, Donnie could do what they wanted, he supposed.

  “I think it looks great.” You smiled, though it didn’t reach your eyes the way it did in the Don’t Touch Box photos. “I love the purple LEDs.”

  “Yeah, it looks nice.” Raph agreed. It really did; it was cleaner than Donnie’s current body, and seemingly more combat-effective if all the hidden blasters in the concept art were any clue. Plus it just looked cool as fuck.

  “Thanks. It should be finished in a few weeks…in the meantime though, (Y/N), we should discuss plans.”

  You nodded, following Donnie to the back of the Shellraiser.

  “We should go on a supply run, we’re low on perishable food and water.” You said, writing ‘supply run’ on the whiteboard Donnie had set up in the back. 

  “Okay, noted. Do we have enough non-perishables?”

  “Yeah. The drawers in the back are full of instant ramen and canned food.” You nodded.

  “So just the usual things then…shelter. What’re we gonna do about shelter?”

  “Yeah, I don’t really like it out here. Seems pretty sketchy.” Raph grunted, spinning around so that his plastron was pressed to the back of the chair and his head was rested on the top.

  “I vote we go to the farmhouse. You’ve run your scans, and I think we just needa….you know, accept that everyone is…out of range of the scanners. We’re just sitting ducks in New York, Don.” You sighed.

  Donnie clenched their fists. “I- I know, but like…what if they come back for us and we’re not here, (Y/N)? What if by leaving we forfeit our chances of finding Casey, April, Mikey, and Leo?”

  “Well what if we do? Who cares?” Raph argued. “They either left or they’re dead, Donatello! We should leave too if we wanna not be dead!”

  “Yeah well what do you know?! You don’t even know the extent of the damage!”

  “Yeah I do. Explode-y bomb things from here to the other side of the planet. Earth getting terraformed in some twisted reflection of the world you knew before. Humans turning into horrifying brainless monsters, and humans that turn into horrified monstrous mutants, and humans like (Y/N) who survived with trauma and dead friends. And friends that lose their memories. Yadayada, all that shit.” Raph said through gritted teeth. “Plus, I saw you guys fighting off those mutants in the last supply run, you barely escaped with your fucking tail attached. Long story short, I vote we get outta here as soon as possible.”

  You and Donnie looked at each other, blinking.

  “I vote what he votes.” You supplied.

  Donnie sighed. “You always did…fine. Fine, guys.  You win. But can we please just stay for one more night?”

  You shrugged. “Yeah, I think that seems fair. Raph?”

  He nodded. “Yeah. Deal. We havta go on that supply run, anyways, so.”

  “Cool cool. So…farmhouse then, Dee?” You said hesitantly, as if you were afraid of hurting Donnie.

  Donnie just grunted. “I’m gonna go into sleep mode. You guys handle the supply run, I have to do some repairs from last time.”

  “Well that wasn’t really an answer.” You said flatly as Donnie’s lights went out again.

  “...No it was not.” Raph sighed. 

***

  “D’ya think I can pull off steel-toed boots?” You grinned, rapping your knuckles on the metal capped toes of a pair of leather combat boots.

  “Well…it seems efficient, so yeah, why not.” Raph shrugged.

  “Yeah, but would it look rad?” You pressed.

  Raph nodded. “It would look badass.”

  “Now that’s the answer I was lookin’ for.” You beamed, pulling on the boots.

  “Do you think I’d look cool in that jacket?” Raph asked, reaching for an aviator jacket. It was useful, from a practical standpoint, with tons of pockets and the ability to hold in warmth, but he didn’t really want it if it didn’t make him look like the characters on the covers of the comics he’d managed to salvage.

  “Raphael, you would look so cool in that jacket. You need it.” You nodded emphatically. “All we’d needa do is cut a hole for your shell.”

  “...Oh yeah. Forgot about that part.” Raph sighed, wrinkling his snout in disdain. His shell was kinda inconvenient. But then again, it did function as a fantastic natural armor, so pros and cons. He tossed the jacket into the hijacked cart anyways.

  You grabbed a tent from the shelf. “I think this’ll probably be useful down the line right?”

  “Well…it’s free, so might as well.”

  “Ooh, lookit this lifestraw!”

  “What the hell is a lifestraw?”

  “It filters water. Turns even the most contaminated junk into safely drinkable water. I’m surprised there’s even one left, this is gonna save our shells.”

  “You don’t have a shell, (Y/N).”

  “I’ve spent the past three years of my life surrounded almost entirely by people who do. Your jargon has worn off on me.”

  “What the hell is jargon?”

  “Your turtle-specific manner of speaking. Like swapping normal words for ‘shell’.”

  “Shit, we did that?”

  “Yeah. It was charming.”

***

  “(Y/N), what’s ‘feminine hygiene’?” Raph frowned, peering down an aisle.

  You glanced up, following his gaze. “Uh…y’know, girl stuff, don’t worry about it.”

  “Donnie said I’m a ‘transman’, so maybe I should.” Raph mumbled, feeling ill at the thought.

  You did a double take. “Wait what? Oh-kay, cool cool. Maybe you do need to worry about it.”

  Raph grunted and crossed his arms. “I dunno why, but I get a very odd, very uncomfortable feeling when you say that.”

  You swallowed, obvious nervousness in your eyes. “Well…that is fair. Raphael…allow me to remind you about the world of…feminine hygiene. Damn. I’m having to give my boyfriend- uh- my best friend- ‘the talk’, this feels weird!” You laughed. “Uh…so how do I put this. Once a month people with feminine body parts…bleed uncontrollably and you havta fix it with the stuff in this aisle! …Yayyyy!”

  Raph suddenly got a very vivid memory of sitting on the couch of the lair with a hot pack on his plastron and an angry feeling in his head.

  Shit, why was one of the few memories he had of the Old World one where he was bleeding in places he didn’t want to be?!

  He groaned and facepalmed. “This is shit, you know that? My life is shit.”

  “Periods ain’t fun.” You nodded. “I dunno if you turtles are affected the same way as humans though, so I could be totally wrong-”

  “No, no, I remember now. It’s the same. Basically.” Raph said, blushing bright red and glaring at the ground. “Aaand I’m calling it on that conversation.” He finished.

  You nodded. “I’ll allow it. Lemme know if you need any help figuring out what supplies you need-”

  “-nO I’m good!” Raph exclaimed. “How about you just get- get some other supplies right now?!” He grinned, trying to mask the discomfort that rose the longer he stood in this stupid aisle.

  You nodded. “Whatever makes you feel comfortable. I’ll be in the next aisle over, the first aid section, ‘kay?”

  “Great.” Raph replied.

  It was only after you’d left that he noticed that you’d called him your ‘boyfriend’ for a second there.

  Well. Well that was an interesting development. 

  Raph hated not having his memories. He was 99% positive that Past Raph would know exactly what you meant by that, but presently? Raph was just so, so confused.

  Maybe he had been your boyfriend in the Old World. If the photos counted for anything, Past Raph had probably liked you at some point- you showed up more often than anyone else, both in the photos and in his sketchbook. And he hadn’t even finished digging through them yet.

  And now instead of having good ol’ Past Raph to comfort you, you got this Raph. The Raph who had forgotten his own name a few days ago, the Raph who didn’t really know what to do when you cried, the Raph who was so sick of not knowing… 

  Heck, he was pretty sure you had been avoiding touching him, which felt just as weird as being taller than Donnie. Even in the photos, you always seemed to have an arm around him or a hand in his, but now you were careful not to stray within a few feet of him. As if he was some kinda ticking time bomb.

  Then again, he kinda was, huh? The last time you’d come near him, he’d tried to stab you in a panic. Maybe you were right to steer clear of him, though the thought of that just made him sad for some reason. 

  He paused and blinked at a mirror that sat at the end of the aisle.

  Huh. That really was what he looked like, all green skin and torn mask tails and neon eyes. 

  He looked tired.

  “Hey Rafa, lookit what I found!” You yelled, and Raph tore himself away from his reflection, dropping his armful of…feminine hygiene products into the cart before following your voice to the paint section.

  “Look dude! Spray paint!” You grinned, bouncing on your feet.

  Raph stared at you blankly, trying to understand your excitement. “Uh…did we…uhm…”

  An image flashed through his head of holding a can of spray paint and stepping back to look at a mural. 

  “...OH! Oh right! I used to like spray painting!” He exclaimed, pleased at the memory. “(Y/N) I remember it!”

  Your eyes widened. “You remember?! Oh Raph this is huge!”

  “...What d’ya say to painting a final mural before we leave the city, for….I dunno, old time’s sake?” Raph said with a hesitant smile.

  “Hell yeah!” You beamed, grabbing as many colors of spray paint as you could and dropping them into the cart. “Dee is in sleep mode so he can’t even stop us!”

  “Yes, I can.” 

  You fell back and dropped your phone. Raph’s fists flew into a fighting stance, observing the phone nervously.

  “Sorry ‘bout the scare guys.” Donnie’s voice chuckled, not sounding even slightly sorry. “I just discovered that I can access you through your phones! I’ll be back in sleep mode soon, I just thought that was a perfect time to test the audio feature.”

  “Wait, you can hear our conversations?” You frowned.

  “Uh….surprise?” Donnie said sheepishly. “If it makes you feel any better, I don’t plan on stopping you from spray painting. It actually seems like it could both help Raph’s memory since it’s so familiar, as well as being just…a nice gesture. My one suggestion is that you add some way for Leo, Mikey, Casey, and April to find us, like a coded key to our whereabouts.”

  “Oh. That’s smart.” You said. “But can we get back to how you’ve been eavesdropping this whole time Donald?!”

  “Lalala, going into sleep mode, can’t hear you, lalala…” Donnie said, ever the terrible liar, and disconnected a second later.

  “That little shit.” You said fondly. “If you’re still listening, I love you, Don, but you’re a total jerk.”

  Raph shook his head, feeling the beginnings of a smile on his face. “If you’re still listening, then quit listening, Donatello.”

  But no reply came from the phone, so you shrugged. “Guess he actually is back in sleep mode. C’mon, let’s paint a mural.”

***

  Raph glared at the wall.

  The spray paint had gathered into a messy blob of color that did not look like a mural.

  The paint bottle felt natural in his hand, yeah, and his lines were steady, but they weren’t coming out right. He scowled and tried to cover the blob with a cloud of red, but then it didn’t look like a cloud, it just looked like blood.

  “AUGUHH!” He yelled in frustration, kicking the wall. He jumped back to hold his foot, which was now throbbing in pain. Shit, why was that his instinct?!

  “You good Raph?” You said, looking over from your side of the wall. Your mural looked nice, with a painting of two turtles, a skeleton, and a red haired girl with eyes that seemed to glow. They were all outlined in thick black and colored in vibrant shades, which made them pop against the gray wall.

  “Fine…” He grumbled, rubbing his foot. “I just- I can’t draw or something.”

  You followed his glare toward his bloody smear of a painting.

  “Oh…did you…”

  “Forget? Yeah. I fucking forgot how to draw.” He said with a humorless laugh.

  “Do you…want a crash course? We’ve still got an hour or so before we have to head out…” You offered.

  He shook his head. “No…we don’t have time. …Did you add the message?”

  You nodded, still staring at him sympathetically. “I wrote ‘guys, find us in the healing place- Red, Purple, and (L/N)’. They’ll know what I mean.”

  “The ‘healing place’?” Raph repeated.

  “The farmhouse.” You elaborated. “We went there back when the kraang invaded three years ago. Leo was in a coma for like three months, and y’know…healed. And I think we all kinda healed too. You were kinda the team leader for a bit there…” You trailed off, eyes glazing over as if you were reminiscing about something Raph undoubtedly wouldn’t understand. You shook your head clear. “...but you know, I think they’ll get it. More importantly, I don’t think anyone else will, so we can’t be followed. Not that we have any reason to be followed, I’m just paranoid.” 

  “Aren’t we like…ninjas with like a million enemies or whatever?”

  You snorted. “Kinda, yeah.”

  “...So the idea that we might be followed doesn’t seem that outlandish, right?” Raph ventured.

  “Hm. Thanks for justifying my paranoia, Raphael!” You exclaimed, not looking any happier.

  “...Uh…I’m gonna say you’re welcome, but I get the funny feeling that you don’t actually mean that, huh?” He said sheepishly,

  “No, I…I dunno.” You said with a humorless laugh. “I’m being weird.”

  “It’s literally the end of your world. You should be acting weird, right?” Raph snorted.

  You smiled half-heartedly. “Ya think?”

  “Donnie’s acting weird, I’m acting weird. You can act weird too.” He said matter-of-factly.

  You sighed. “But that’s just the thing. Donnie lost their body. You lost your past. What the hell did I lose? …You know, aside from my friends…and family…and my old life…but you guys lost that too!”

  “I really didn’t. You can’t miss what you don't remember, right?” Raph said with a hollow laugh. “I have no Old World. No old connections. The world we’re in now is basically all I’ve ever known, so if anything, I’ve lost…the least.”

  You stared at him, a discomforting sense of horror in your eyes. You raised your hands as if to set them on his shoulders, but then lowered them instead. 

  “Raph…Fuck. No! You’ve lost everything! Like, way more than I have! At least I still have good memories to go back to, o-of you, of Chompy, of Leo and Casey and Mikey and April…of Mona, Raph, I still have memories of Mona, and you don’t even have that…” You wiped your eyes with your scarf and shook your head. “Shit, man. We’re all going through hell, I shouldn’t bother comparing it.”

  “Yeah….yeah. That’s a good way of lookin’ at it.” Raph sighed.

  “...Who's Mona?” He asked lightly, after a beat of silence.

  You smiled slightly. “Mona Lisa? She’s this really awesome Salamandrian who we met in space.”

  “We went to space?!” Raph said, eyes widening.

  “Yup. It was very convoluted… Anyways, we both had this ridiculous crush on her…she was so cool. She could beat us at fighting easily, but she also was so sweet…ahhh, what a woman.” You said, perking up a bit more. “Anyways, at least she’s safe…She’s in space.”   

  “What else have you guys not told me about my life?!” Raph exclaimed.

  “I promise I’ll tell you everything once life has calmed down a bit, but there is some stuff that I genuinely believe is too much for you right now.” You shrugged.

  “Well it’s my memories, so I don’t think that’s for you to decide.” Raph frowned.

  You opened your mouth, glaring at him, before deflating. “...I…you’re right. It is your memories, Raph. You do deserve the truth. But the truth isn’t always easy or fun or any of that so can we make a compromise?”

  He gestured for you to go ahead.

  You squeezed your hands. “I’ll tell you what you need to know, and if you figure stuff out on your own- which is highly likely- I’ll give ya more details. Deal?” You held out your hand.

  Raph sighed. This was probably the best he was gonna get from you.

  …Also…what was with the hand? 

  Raph frowned, staring at your hand, and took it awkwardly. “Deal?”

  You blinked.

  He blinked.

  “Raph why are you still holding my hand?” You coughed.

  “Oh, was I supposed to-”

  “-Let go, yeah, this is a handshake.”

  “-Weird. You guys are weird.”

  “You still haven’t let go?” You said, but you were smiling.

  Would it be weird if he said he kinda didn’t wanna? Holding your hand felt nice…

  “Uh- right.” He grunted, wrenching his hand out of yours.

***

Day 16.

  “Well, I think we’re all set to go upstate.” Donnie said as he finished checking over the items Raph and you had taken.

  “Cool.” You said softly.

  You’d talked about going upstate for the past two weeks, but as Donnie closed the power-cell powered freezer box, it finally hit you that you were leaving. 

  Like leaving leaving. 

  It wasn’t like there was much of a choice. New York was dangerous, more now than before. You and Raph had even wound up in a mild tussle as you made your way back to the Shellraiser last night.

  There were too many scared humans and animals that had gained sentience and horrifying mindless creatures that looked like body-horror inspired abominations to go anywhere without a fight. And frankly, none of you wanted to deal with that.

  And it didn’t help that Donnie’s sensors weren’t picking up on any habitable land in the general radius. You were sure he wasn’t telling you everything, but he had mumbled something about the soil being full of toxic chemicals and unable to maintain life among…other things.

  Essentially, New York City was dying. But maybe if you were all lucky, the farmhouse would be habitable.

  By which you meant…with good soil. It’d be really really nice if you guys could just…plant seeds for food and hang out there for the rest of eternity. Nice, but unlikely, if you were realistic. Still. It was a spot of hope. 

  Raphael stared at you mournfully as you and Donnie finished preparing the Shellraiser. He did that a lot now, and it always stung about the same- he wanted to remember you, but to him, you were a stranger. 

  You hated feeling like a stranger around the person who’d been closer to you than anyone ever back in the Before Times. 

  Not that you’d told him much. You thought there was kinda a power imbalance now, since you knew so much about Raph and he now knew so little about you. He was vulnerable, and you, being one of the ones who had saved him, had a bit more sway over him than you felt comfortable with. 

  He was catching onto you though, you could see that. He’d understandably demanded answers last night, and although you’d agreed to his terms, you were dreading it. Because how could you tell him that he had been your boyfriend if he didn’t even know who you were? Worse, would he feel like he had to immediately go back to that just to make you feel better?

  You’d described your relationship to him as ‘best friend’, which was more accurate, honestly, considering both you and Raph had been a bit odd around romance, but still. It would probably be more to take in than he could handle right now…

  “So. We ready to get this tin can on the road?” You said finally, leaning over Donnie’s shoulder as they stepped away from the newly pumped tires. 

  “...I believe so.” Donnie said proudly, patting the side of the car. 

  And with that, you gave New York City one final good-bye.

  “Seeya, New York…you were one hell of a town to live in. We….had a lotta fun here.” You said, leaning against the Shellraiser to stare at the cityscape.

  “Goodbye pigeons and manholes and starless skies. I-I’ll miss you.” Donnie said fondly, leaning next to you.

  “And I’ll miss pizza gyoza, my fire escape- heck, I’ll even miss Shredder’s lair and TCRI.” You grinned.

  “What a town.” Donnie said, nodding.

  "Hey guys, this is real sweet, but it’s getting dark.” Raph grunted, poking his head out the door. “Let’s get this freakshow on the road.”

  “...Okay.” You said with a rueful smile.

  “...Yeah, we’re coming.” Donnie sighed, and the two of you headed into the Shellraiser.

***

  By the time the sun had set, you had left the city.

  Raph sat in the passenger seat, eating dry pasta like a heathen, and Donnie sat in the roof hatch running his scanners. You weren’t exactly expecting that he’d find anything positive though.

  As you silently drove up the road, you took note of a few things- first off, there were trees out here, at least. Dead trees, but still trees rather than alien shapes that had loomed over you in New York, which was some relief.  

  Secondly…there was no sign of life. The only noise you had heard since leaving New York was the quiet hum of the Shellraiser’s engine, punctuated by Raphael’s crunching on his fucking dry pasta. (Seriously, that stuff could not be good for his digestive system…)

  Thirdly…your hopes of finding an oasis in all of this were running as dry as the land around you. 

  New York was dead, and Earth wasn’t following too far behind it. 

  Donnie clambored back down from the top lookout with a heavy sigh. 

  “So Doc, what’s the diagnosis?” You said dryly, no bothering to turn around. “Lemme guess- we’re doomed?”

  “Well, my sensors have picked up nothing but toxic chemicals and mutagen. There's no living organic plant forms for miles. I’m not picking up on the signatures of Casey, April, Leo, Mikey, Karai, the Mutanimals, or the (L/N)s. I don’t think the Earth will ever heal from this, and our tech has been basically thrown back to the dark ages.” He paused to heave an even more dramatic sigh, before saying “So does that answer your question?” cheerfully.

  You whistled. “Ouch. So we are doomed.”

  Raph crunched on his pasta and glanced up. “Great. That’s….real great.”

  “Raph, are you eating straight up uncooked tortellini?!” Donnie said, gagging.

  Raph smirked and crunched louder, and you cringed at the sound. 

  “Ugh, must you do that?”

  “It tastes good.” He said innocently.

  “Well don’t come to me for help when you get a stomachache.” Donnie said, disgusted.

  You snorted, and refocused on the road as Donnie continued to complain about Raph’s apoca-licious eating habits.

  Because hey. Maybe you were just headed towards certain doom upstate. Maybe Raph would never remember the past. Maybe the fucking planet was mutated beyond recognition…But hey.

  At least you were with your best friends. 

  Heck, if you ignored the metallic tremor in Donnie’s voice and made Raph’s ever so slightly gentler, you could pretend that this was just another peaceful road trip. Just another night of smiling at Dee and Rafa’s antics, of choosing to unsubtly egg them on, of talking till morning with Raph about shit like life and the future and insecurities, comforting each other in that sweet way the two of you always had.

  Yeah, yeah. You’d pretend it was a night like that.

  And for a bit, you’re nearly convinced that when you woke up tomorrow, everything would be alright.

***

Day 17.

  Everything was not entirely alright.

  The farmhouse was devoid of people, and was shrouded in suspiciously pink clouds that hung lower than clouds usually did. Donnie scanned the air though and only got the usual amount of toxic chemicals, so you guys reluctantly decided it was safe.

  “Woah, looks like this place already got picked clean.” You winced, glancing around the main room. It was mostly empty- everything from the furniture to the photos on the wall had been taken.

   The stairs however, had caved in, but with the help of your grappling hook, you made your way to the top without too much effort.

  The top of the house, by comparison, was full of the homey clutter that you had grown to expect from the healing place. Just being there, surrounded by everyone’s old things and the memories around them, made you breathe a sigh of relief. 

  “Anything up there?” Donnie said from the ground level.

  You smiled, breathing in the air of the place you’d briefly called home. “Everything, Don. Case’s spare eyeliner pens, Leo’s matcha powder, Raph’s forgotten sketchbooks and acrylics…everything.”

  With a bit of effort due to Metalhead’s heavy clunky body, Donnie managed to heave themself upstairs too.

  “Woah. Weird being back here.” He said, and you got the impression that he’d be smiling if they could.

  “How’re ya doin’ down there, Raph?” You said, leaning over the stair rail to see him staring into the living room.

  “I…we watched a dumb cartoon there, right? Uh…Chris Bradford the…Barbarian?” He breathed, as if speaking any louder would shatter his ability to remember.

  You and Donnie glanced at each other, swapping a pair of grins. Well, metaphorically, in Dee’s case.

  “Yeah. Crognard the Barbarian…” You smiled. “But we did watch another show about Chris Bradford!”

  “Awesome, Raph!” Donnie said, pumping their fist.

  “...Cool.” He said softly, putting his hands into the pockets of his jacket. “So…this is the safehouse, then?”

  “Well, ‘safe’ is a strong word…there’s a heck of a lot of danger we got into here last time.” You said, sliding down the stair banister. 

  “Out here in the middle of nowhere?” Raph snorted, turning towards you. “How the hell was this dangerous?”

  “You got mutated into a plant once,” Donnie supplied.

  “Ooh, Bigfoot tried to marry Don,” You grinned.

  “Who’s bigfoot?”

  “This forest cryptid who had a crush on Donnie.” You said with a chuckle.

  “(Y/N), please know that I would be rolling my eyes at you right now if I still had them.” Donnie sighed.

  “I wouldn’t expect anything less.” You said, giving them a mock-salute.

  Raph entered the dining room. “Did anything terrifying happen here?” He said curiously.

  “Hm…Oh yeah. We fought off mutant frogs.” You said, nodding at the memory. “They were all named after conquerors and they hated humans. …One of them talked like Napoleon Dynamite….not that you’d know that reference…”

  “Ha, what?” Raph chuckled. “Our lives sound weird. What other things did we do?”

  “Oh they very much were.” You nodded. “Let’s see…what other shit did we do? Uhm…there was this one time when you got your brain swapped with a kraang, that one was weird.”

  “What exactly is a kraang? You’ve mentioned them before, but…”

  “Oh, right. A kraang looks like- well, here.” You pulled up a photo of a snarling kraang that you’d taken a selfie with. “Voila.”

  “Eww.” Raph cringed. “Why is it like…all goopy and gross?”

  “Evolution, I guess.” You said, wrinkling your nose. “Gnarly, right?”

  “So you’re tellin’ me I got my brain swapped with that thing?!” Raph said incredulously. 

  “Yup. It was pretty freaky seeing your body completely…not-like-you, but hey, we figured it out.” You chuckled.

  “Hey Raph, you might wanna see this!” Donnie said, yelling over the stair rail.

  “Uh, okay…” Raph frowned, heading towards the rope you’d hung over the caved-in stairwell. You followed after him.

  “See, lookit this-” 

  “Hey, this- this is my room!” Raph exclaimed, shoving past Donnie and into the room. “I- I remember this place! I remember sitting there,” He said, pointing at the bed, “And coming this way-” He spun out of the room and down the hall to the bathroom- “And-....oh.” He frowned, opening the bathroom door. “I…I get the weird feeling that somethin’....happened here, huh?” He said softly.

  You winced, reaching to put a hand on his shoulder, before thinking better of it. “Yeah. This is where Leo…was in his coma.”

  “...You sat with him every day, Raph, ‘till he healed.” Donnie said gently.

  Raph nodded. “Ha. I…ah…don’t remember that.”

  “Well, you did remember your room, and a piece of your old daily routine, so I’d say this is a win! Robo-high-three!” Donnie said cheerfully, holding up their hand.

  Raph wrinkled his snout “Uh…okay…” He held up his own hand, mirroring theirs,  staring at them with an awkward shrug. “Hello, three? Uh…satisfied?”

  Donnie lowered his hand. “...I shoulda seen that one coming.”

  Raph rolled his eyes, shoving his hand back into his pocket. “Whatever, Don. What was it you called me up here for, anyways?”

  “Your old sketchbook! I know you have the one from the lair, but this one  is full of all the stuff you did here!” Donnie said excitedly, handing Raph the book.

  Raph shrugged and accepted it, flipping through the pages. “Woah. These are pretty nice.” He said, starting to smile a bit.

  “Ooh, can I see?” You asked hopefully.

  “Sure.” Raph nodded, angling the book so you could see the art too.

  This page was full of the planning-stage-sketches for what you recognized to be the painting he’d done on the party van.

  “Oh dude, these rock.” You grinned.

  “Yeah…I just hope I’ll be able to…y’know.” He clenched his hand, giving it a sad stare. “Do them again someday.”

***

Day 20.

  “Well ladies and gentlefolk, turtles and others, I have gathered you all here today to present…The Donbot V.1!” Said Donnie, staring into the mirror. 

    It was a pretty nice design, if they did say so themself. It was taller than Metalhead’s model had been, standing at his usual height of 5 '6-to-5' 8-ish, and was made of a dark green steel he had salvaged back in the city. In a burst of inspiration, they had added purple accent lights.

  For the first time in days, they didn’t feel so wrong about looking into the mirror. The face that stared back at him wasn’t his, really, but it was…closer. The blank face felt somehow more comfortable than Metalhead’s imitation-turtle one.

They shook their head, chuckling to themself slightly. If only he were presenting his invention to a crowd of scientifically minded peers instead of to his friend and his brother. Then he might prepare something flashy and exciting, presentation-wise. 

  But alas, it was the end of the world.

  So instead, he simply glanced at themself one more time before leaving the bathroom, revealing his new body without any fanfare.

  You patted his shell and said they looked ‘rad as hell’. Raph shot him a wary look, but it went away fast, and soon enough Raph was congratulating him too- albeit, with a bit of mild confusion.

  Ironically, the brother that would have once understood better than anyone what it feels like to be in a body you don’t want….just happened to be the brother who had recently forgotten that he usually had dysphoria. 

  Donnie supposed that in a post apocalyptic world where gender was so irrelevant that Raph hadn’t even realized he was trans, it wouldn’t even occur to Raph to be dysphoric. (Hm. Maybe the end of the world had its good sides!)

  But secretly, selfishly, a twisted part of Donnie wished that Raph was still in the state of mind to relate to them. It was unfair, and a cruel thing to wish on his brother. Logically, Donnie knew that. But maybe a part of them wanted to just…feel a little bit more understood. Less like an alien. 

  It wasn’t like he didn’t notice the way you and Raph flinched when he entered the room, looking at them like he was some- some thing. Some freak. Maybe a cruel voice in the pits of his now-wire-filled stomach whispered things about how much he wished Raph remembered how it felt, how much a part of him wished you had been mutated in the explosion  so someone, anyone would understand the soul-crushing loneliness of not being in the right body-

  Shit. That was dark. Maybe he was losing more of his humanity than he’d initially theorized-

  Donnie swallowed their thoughts and opened the fridge, only to close it again upon remembering that he was physically incapable of eating,

***

Day 21.

  “AAAAUGHH!” Raph screamed, dropping to his knees on the dead grass. He threw his arms around his stomach- something in his guts felt like something had crawled in there and died and oh shit was this that girl thing?

  “Raph! Are you okay?!” Said Donnie, dropping his bo staff and rushing over.

  “Ow- ow- shit- Donatello, I-I gotta take a -oh- a -ow- a break from practicin’.” Raph grunted, using Donnie’s arm to pull himself up. 

  Time to go fucking deal with this now, he supposed. Just what his stupid life needed right now.

***

Day 24.

  “AAAAIIIEEE!” Raph screeched, chucking the stupid fucking salad prongs across the room.

  “Raph! Dude!” You snapped. “Look, I know you’re frustrated but ya can’t expect to get it right the first time!”

  “Well it’s NOT my first time using sais, is it? Aren’t I supposed to have some kinda muscle memory or whatever?!” He snapped back.

  “Raph, bud, bear with me- you lost your memory, hon’.” You sighed. “You gotta be patient with yourself.”

  “Maybe my self needs to hurry up already.” Raph said, crossing his arms. 

  See, it would be one thing if he’d entirely forgotten how to use his sais. But the thing was- he did remember. He remembered the feeling of their leather, he remembered spinning them and smirking at himself in the bathroom mirror, he remembered holding them in his fists and destroying things and how satisfying it was- but he couldn’t do those things anymore.

  It was just as fucking pointless to try as drawing had been.

  Shit, there were tears in his eyes.

  “You okay, Rafa?” You said gently, doing that annoying thing you did where you reached for him. He always let himself hope that you would actually follow through with it this time…he wasn’t sure why, exactly, but it always felt like a stab to his metaphorical heart everytime you lowered your hand instead of patting him on the shoulder or squeezing his hand or giving him a hug or anything oh good lord he’d take anything- You lowered your hand again, and yet again he felt something shatter in his chest. (Why did he still bother to hope? He’d just thrown his sais in anger. Of course you were nervous around him.)

  He rolled his eyes. “Yeah, whatever, (Y/N). I’m fine.”

  “...Okay…well…I’m here to talk if you need me, y’know?” You said, smiling softly.

  “I don’t wanna talk.” He grumbled. I want a hug, I want warmth, I want someone to say everything is gonna be okay-

  You nodded, staring at him sadly. “...Okay.”

  You left the makeshift dojo, leaving him alone with the blank walls of what had once been a living room.

  Raph wiped his eyes and glared at your retreating figure, half-aware that his anger was misplaced. It wasn’t like you’d done anything other than be understanding and supportive…but still.

***

Day 25.

  “BACK OFF!” Raph yelled, glaring at the robot.

  “Raph, it’s okay, it’s me, your brother! Donatello!”

  Raph had brothers?

  …No, that didn’t sound right- this robot was probably here to hurt him- a vague memory of fighting a similar robot flashed through his mind, reaffirming his certainty that this thing was bad and dangerous and wanted to hurt him-

  He bit back a whimper as the robot got closer, instead snarling as viciously as he could. “Get away from me ya fucking toaster.”

  The robot stepped back.

  Huh. The…robot stepped back…?

  The robot in his memory shifted into a turtle with a worried look on his face and a gap in their teeth and a purple mask.

  Donatello.

  Oh…right. This was Donatello. His brother. He was at the farmhouse with you and Donatello….Donatello who was a robot now.

  “Shit.” Raph mumbled, staring at the robot that was Donatello. “I…I did it again, huh?” 

  “RAPH! DEE! Jeez, are you guys okay?! I heard yellin’ and-'' You said, slamming the door open. The kitchen door. Raph was in the kitchen. The farmhouse kitchen.

  “Just…another incident. Don’t worry about it.” Raph muttered sullenly, wiping the spit off his mouth that he must’ve gotten from all the animalistic hissing.

  “Ah.” You said. “Are you both…okay then?”

  Donnie nodded wordlessly, ducking out of the room with his head down and shoulders slumped.

  Raph scowled, hugging his knees to his chest. “Same as I usually am, I guess.”

  “So…not great?” You frowned.

  “Not great.” He confirmed.

  “Ah.” You leaned forwards hesitantly, hand outstretched. 

  This time Raph didn’t even flinch when you inevitably lowered it and followed Donatello out of the room. He just shoved his face into his kneepads and tried really hard not to cry.

***

  Donnie slipped outside, staring out at the wasteland that used to be a forest.

  Raph had forgotten him again. 

  Honestly, they didn’t know why it hurt so much. It wasn’t the first or even the second or third time Raph had forgotten him…but Raph went into the feral mode around Donnie way more than he did around you. 

  And logically, Donnie knew exactly why that was. You looked the same as you always did, albeit more battered and less smiley, while he, Donnie, looked entirely different. He was entirely different. 

  His sensors picked you up behind him on the porch.

  “Hey.” They said glumly.

  “Hey Dee.” You said, sitting on the porch steps next to him.

  “I don’t think the world will ever heal again, (Y/N).” Donnie said softly. 

  Your eyes grew glossy (although maybe they already had been), and you looked away from them. “...I know.”

  “I miss everyone so much.” He whispered.

  “Me too.” 

  “Casey and I first became friends in that barn…April kissed me by the stump…” He said, trailing off. He put a hand on his face, remembering where Casey had first kissed him. That had also been at the farmhouse…

  God, they missed Casey and April.

  You nodded. “Me and Raph once buried a dead turtle over there…it used to be the prettiest part of the yard.” You said bitterly, pointing towards the spot where the pond had been just a month ago. Now it was reduced to another patch of dry, dying grass.

  “So it was a turtle? I thought you guys killed someone.” Donnie said, only half joking- They remembered vaguely how he’d walked in on Leo lecturing a guilty-looking you and Raph on ‘honorability’ one morning. They’d glanced outside to see a suspicious grave outside that hadn’t been there the night before, and put two and two together…nice to know that it was just an unmutated turtle.

  “Yeah…Raph thought it was like, a blow to his masculinity or something to tell you guys that he cared about animals.” You said with a snort. 

  “Well that’s stupid, we all know he loved animals. He was like a Disney princess around them.” Donnie said, shaking their head. 

  “Yeah…very true.” You smiled. 

  “What do you plan on doing about your whole….thing with Raph, anyways?” They said, changing the subject in hopes of distracting their thoughts from existential dread.

  You sighed, running a hand down your face. “Fuck, man. I don’t know. Like…I love him so much, but it’s not fair for me to right now. He’s vulnerable and scared and doesn’t even know who we are half the time…how can I put the pressure of a relationship, or even the implications of a past relationship, on him right now? That’s just…so unfair. Plus, we’re the only people he has right now. What if he thinks not liking me will mean us…like, kicking him out or something fucked up like that? What if he tries to force himself to feel the same just out of guilt? What if-”

  “Well first off, overthinking things? That’s my job, stay outta my turf.” Donnie teased. You smiled slightly. “Secondly- who says you have to tell him? Because you really don’t.”

  “Well, he’s not dumb, Don- he’s figured out that I’m hiding something.” You said dryly.

 “Are you though? Because I’m pretty sure you’ve been fairly honest about things- he’s your best friend. He always was. Just say ‘yeah we were like close or something’, you know? It’s not like you guys ever kissed or anything, at least not much, so it’s not much of a stretch.” Donnie suggested.

  You nodded. “Yeah…I guess you’re right…who knew you were so good with relationship advice?”

  “Nah, I just know you and Raph pretty well.” He chuckled.

  You smiled, putting an arm around his shoulders in a side hug. “Thanks Don.”

  “Hey, thanks for distracting me from my existential dread.” They snorted, hugging you back.

***

  Day 35.

  “What if I can’t feel feelings?” Said Donnie, lying awake next to you.

  “Hnnghh…Go to sleep Donnie.” You grunted, pulling your blanket tighter around your shoulders.  It may have been more secure and safe to have all three of you stationed in the Shellraiser rather than the house, but man, between Raph’s snoring and Donnie’s shitty sleep schedule that you knew full well he had programmed himself to have, it certainly made sleeping hard.

  “But what if this is all a dream! What if I died and this is a severely messed up dream I’m having in my last few minutes of life?”

  “Shut up Donatello.” Raph groaned, trying to muffle Don’s voice with a blanket.

  “What if I'm in a coma and I’m dreaming this and the Earth is actually fine?”

  “Go to sleep, broooo…” You moaned, covering your ears with a pillow.

  “I don’t usually go into sleep mode for another…mmm…two hours.” Donnie said. “Damn…sleep mode! (Y/N), I’m not a person anymore, am I?!”

  “Donatello. Buddy. Pal. I love you dearly. You are a beautiful,  fantastic, brilliant person. Let me fucking sleep.” You hissed.

  “...Mmm…Okay. G’night.” There was a click, and Don-bot powered down.

  “Oh thank god.” Raph grunted, shoving his face into his pillow.

  He proceeded to snore incredibly loudly.

  You groaned. 

***

  You blinked your eye open at the sudden silence.

Raph had somehow wound up with his arms tightly wrapped around your arm in his sleep. He was shivering, which made sense considering the cold.

  You were tempted to pry him off so that he wouldn’t be awkward or uncomfortable when he woke up. But he looked so peaceful, and you missed this…

  Plus you were too tired to do anything. So maybe you’d let him stay…

  You’d pry him off before morning though.

***

Day 37.

  Raph was pretty sure that Past Raph had had the hots for you. He’d finished reading through his old sketchbook, and it was full of little paragraphs in the margins and crossed out text where he could just barely make out the word ‘(Y/N)’. 

  He supposed it made sense. He may not have remembered too much of his life, but he had a decent recollection of what pretty people looked like- and you definitely fit that category. Plus, you were funny and cool and sweet….not that it mattered much nowadays. 

  After all, Past Raph and Current Raph’s circumstances were vastly different. So maybe a part of him was tempted to bug you for more info…but he knew enough to just let it be. 

  That was the Old World. 

  In the New World, trivial things like relationship status mattered very little. 

  (Still, was it really asking so much to have someone who’d hug him? Was he so wrong to wish for a hand on the shoulder once or twice, the way you always were in those goddamned photos?)

  (Meh, probably.)

  He hugged himself, staring up at the ceiling. 

  “Oh hey, you’re awake!” You grinned, poking your head into the Shellraiser. “Mornin’ Sleeping Beauty! Breakfast is inside if you want it.”

  Raph sat up slowly. “Okay…”

  “How’re you doing?” You said as you led him across the yard. It was still cold and dark out, and Raph shivered.

  “...Tired.” He grunted.

  “Understandable.” You nodded. “I’ve been pretty tired too, but it’s so hard to sleep when it’s so freakin’ cold at night and like, a million degrees the instant the sun rises.” You complained, passing him a plate of eggs from the remaining unmutated chickens. 

  “Says you, the one who's warm-blooded.” Raph teased.

  “Oh shit, you must be so cold at night!” You said, seeming to have just remembered that Raph was a reptile. 

  “Freezing.” Raph nodded. 

  “Maybe Don can build a heat lamp!” You suggested. “They’re still in sleep mode right now, but we can ask when he wakes up.”

  Raph perked up. “Wait, that exists?”

  “Yeah, shit- I can’t believe I didn’t think of that like…forever ago. I guess I forgot that you’re cold-blooded…and now that Donnie is…non-blooded, it must’ve slipped their mind too…I’m so sorry Rafa!” You exclaimed.

  “Wait. So this WHOLE TIME I could’ve NOT frozen my tail off every night?!” Raph groaned.

  You shrugged weakly. “...Yup.

  “This is so stupid.” He sighed, stabbing his eggs with one of his sais.

  “Dude…you're using that as a fork?” You cringed.

  Raph scowled. “Well it’s not like I know how to use it as a weapon anymore.”

  “But…but…Raph you have stabbed through people with those! There is no way that that’s even slightly sanitary!” You squeaked.

  He shrugged and ate his breakfast off the end of the sai. 

  You looked ill. “You are… such a teenage boy. Please stop.”

  He sighed but swapped the sai for a fork. “Okay, okay. Jeez.”

  “Thank you.” You groaned, patting his shoulder unconsciously.

  And suddenly it felt like his brain had short circuited.

  Oh god, he remembered you. 

  How could he have ever forgotten you?! All the memories shot into his brain at record speed- sitting on a fire escape with your arm around his shoulders, spray painting the side of TCRI, making fun of Casey and Donnie’s crushes on April, beating up bad guys, the look on your face- that toothy grin that you never ever wore theses days, a familiar hand resting comfortingly on his shoulder- and oh god, he remembered you!

  “I- I…(F/C)!” He gasped. You jerked your hand away guiltily, but he caught it before you could. “(Y/N). Your favorite color is (F/C)!”

  “W-what?” You said, eyes wide.

  “(Y/N) I remember! I-I remember you! Not everything probably, but- but I remember you!” He exclaimed, gripping your hands in his.

  Your eyes widened even further. “Raph, you- what?!”

  He grinned and hugged you to his chest as tightly as he could. Tentatively, you relaxed into it, rubbing his shell gently.

  “I remember you!” He exclaimed. 

  You nodded, still looking baffled. “Like…what?”

  “I remember how we met- I fell onto your fire escape! A-and I remember eating breakfast here with you and talking about…well, something, probably, but it was definitely here at this table! And I remember…I had this pet turtle, right? I think his name was…Slash? No! Spike! Slash was the mutant…? Whatever! I remember you sitting….uh…there, by that broken window, and I drew this picture!” He grinned, holding up a page in his sketchbook. It was a portrait of you, with soft shading and a bold outline. 

  “Woah, Raph?! You just- remember all this?!” You said, still staring in disbelief.

  “Bits and pieces, yeah- I think it was ‘cause you…you know, touched me. It’s like…muscle memory? I dunno. Might hafta ask Donnie…”

  “Raph!” You grinned, hugging him tightly. “I just- wow! This is so cool, I-”

  “Woah, are we interrupting somethin’?” Said a familiar voice.

  You and Raph jolted into defensive positions, hopping up to face the person-

  And then your brain seemed to short-circuit.

  “Casey?” You squeaked. “CASEY!”

  “(Y/N)! RAPH! Dude I can’t believe we finally found you!” Casey shrieked just as loud, diving in to grab you and Raph in a messy group hug.

  You grinned, hugging your friends close. “Casey Jones, I’m so glad you’re okay- fuck man, I thought you must’ve gotten kraang-ifed…”

  Raph pulled away, staring at Casey. “You’re…the skeleton dude- Casey Jones?”

  “Uh, no duh- who else would I be?! Casey Jones is in the flesh babeeyy!” He grinned, pumping his fist.

  “Raph…uh…hit his head in the mutagen bomb, Case’.” You mumbled, and Casey’s grinning facade shattered.

  “Oh. Shit.” He said, staring at Raph. “Do you remember…like…anything?”

  Raph shrugged dejectedly. “...Some of it. I remember…you and I would spray paint, I think? I remember a lotta (Y/N) apparently…I’ve got some vague recollections of Donatello, mostly their nerd-stuff…”

  “Jeez man. That’s…depressing as fuck.” Casey said, blunt as he’d always been.

  “Yeah.” Raph grunted.

  “So…is it just you?” You asked, fearing the worst.

  “Naw, I just found you guys first.” Casey  smiled. “Red n’ Angel are searching upstairs…but I hear them coming down right….now.” He said, nodding right as the sound of two people tripping and falling off the treacherous stair-rope Donnie had installed.

  “Oooh.” You and Casey winced.

  “How ‘bout you? Any sign of the others? …Where’s Donnie?” Casey’s voice lowered for the latter, in an anxious tremor.

  “Dee’s….fine. They just…look different than they did last time…you saw them. And…they’re pretty insecure about it.” You mumbled.

  “Casey! Casey, we found evidence of someone upstairs- (Y/N)?! Raph!” April said, running into the kitchen as she noticed you. “You guys are here!”

  “C’mon O’Neil, rule one of bein’ a ninja is ‘Don’t ever question the vague instructions you get from graffiti’. Didja ever doubt it?” You teased, grinning.

  “I-I was so worried, guys! I thought that since my psychic powers stopped working-”

  “Woah, how’d that happen?”

  “Too many big auras now. They’re impossible to tell apart…trying just gives me a headache.” April explained. “But I thought it meant that you might’ve been dead…” She whispered, and Casey put an arm around her shoulders.

  “Woah. So this is your turtle, Case’?” Said a new voice, and a teenage cat mutant leaned into the kitchen. “Hi.”

  Raph only grunted in response, and the cat mutant that must’ve been Angel nodded. “Fair.”

  “So where is Dee then?” Casey said.

  “Shellraiser. In…uh…sleep mode.” You said. “I’ll go get him…but would you guys mind…shit this sounds wimpy. But could you guys…come with me?” You muttered. A part of you was 100% convinced that the instant you left them they would all fade away.

  But Casey, who would usually make fun of you for such a childish request, slung his other arm around your shoulders- and you realized he probably felt exactly the same. 

  “Sure thing.” He said, smiling softly.

  “Thanks guys.” You beamed.

  You were finally smiling the way you did in the photographs.

  Raph couldn’t help but smile too. 

***

  When Donnie woke up from sleep mode on Day 37 of the Mutant Apocalypse, he was greeted by four familiar faces- two of which were the only faces he’d seen at all in the past month, and two of whom were what convinced him that they were probably somehow dreaming. 

  But they were a robot, and dreaming wasn’t physically possible anymore.

  So that meant this must, somehow, be real.

  “Hey Donnie.” Said April, smiling at him, and he wanted to cry even though he didn’t have eyes.

  “‘Sup Don.” Said Casey, grinning his gap-toothed grin that looked so much like Donnie’s old one.

  “You’re here.” Donnie whispered, feeling his new antennae shoot up. “Holy chalupa you’re HERE?!” 

  You smiled, helping him up. “Hey Dee, I forgot to tell ya- we’ve got company.”

  Donnie stared at the humans. They were here. He had so many questions, but most importantly-

  “D’you guys like the new look?” He chuckled, only half joking.

  Casey shrugged. “It’s different, but it looks metal as fuck.”

  “Yeah that’s ‘cause it is metal, ya meathead.” Said Raph, smiling.

  “It looks so cool Dee.” April said, smiling warmly. 

  Donnie really really wished they could still emote right about now, because the dopey grin that they would have grinned for that was unreal.

***

Day 40.

  You and Raph lay on the roof of the farmhouse, watching the red sun set, leaving the sky that weird glowing purple color that it had begun to adopt.

  (It really did remind you of some of those old Space Heroes episodes.) 

  “I really miss the stars.” You said lightly. “But I guess this is sorta pretty too, huh? In like…a weird way.”

  “Hey, isn’t that true for all of this shit?” Raph said. “I really miss the stuff in those photos, those glimpses I get of the life we had before…but hey. In a weird…sort of fucked up way…this life is kinda nice too. Don’t get me wrong. It’s really frustrating, I hate my brain most of the time, and I’m like 90% convinced that I’ll never really be the same person…but at least I’m not alone in it, y’know?” He sighed.

  You took his hand, squeezing it gently, and he squeezed back, and continued. “I’ve got you and Donnie. I guess now I’ve got Casey, Angel, and April too, and if they survived, who's to say my brothers didn’t?”

  You nodded. “Yeah…I guess if we’re out here on this road to nowhere, there’s no one who I’d rather have on my side.” You chuckled half-heartedly. “Still sucks though.”

  “Yeah, it really does.” Raph agreed.

  You smiled and pulled him into a side hug, suddenly swallowed by bittersweet nostalgia for those days when the biggest threat was Shredder.

  But hey, Raph had a point. 

  At least the outcome, well perhaps a huge downgrade from the breathtaking beauty of the stars, was still sorta pretty.

  At least you were on the road to nowhere together.

***

Author's note: I am so glad that Mutant Apocalypse was made into an AU. If it had wound up as the canon ending, that would be...messed up, man. But I like it as an AU, and I hope you've enjoyed journeying through it with me- it's a sad sad ride, but boy did I have fun writing it.

[bugattieb111]

votre eminance charles 3

vous trouverez votre reponse bientot

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3. Kane 10 grenouille inception (10.000£) - green 7 hat (for me) tommy hilfinger 50.000£ <=> 60.000£

6. Broncos 6 jeep inception . compleat hat (+) t- shirt george

160.000£

9. Lebron 23 violet noir hat purple 9 atalanta-BC ... 5. Supercopter, yellow L.A.. Lakers sweet shirt 160.000 £ recupere just la casquette 5 (orange fluo psg) *man united 50.000£

Look the collection into meeting day netherland ok !

Me 7. sharks anayem 0 plus dolphins 0 miami hat regalo da comprare encora ??

34

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Oichi cloths t shirt Donic short Donic raquette d' entrainement performante... consol PS3

2

NIKE BOB (+) ONE ECHEC'S GAME....

In continuity ... never other cloths football .. than AfA 3 *** and t-shirt pre-match

Fot me dear grand father ; hugo boss... weight 32... from longer 30/32 us size

2 costumes color bordeaux 300 € - 180 € and black 450 € / 250 € performances 2 chemises blanches avec emoticon (+) 2 chemises 44 elastane noires cravates plus pinces a cravates chaussure 43 stop

Society waikiki and best mountana lacoste shoes ... stan smith copy reebook ?, i have the right !

You' ll should be happy grand father ... the paquets posted returns into france ... why sir ... lord Biren... isn't unfortune ... yes we can !

Gamete igor + gamete harry dobble fecondation 2G gravity fuzion twins

I beleave in you mind uncle .... sam ( usa )

Oichi first .... Peter 2nd .... godfroy & arthur 3rd and 4th ...I wait into dobble soon as twins samely ... bref tu m' inspires la serenitude et le calm ... le plus grd ennemy que tu es c' est ta propre bouche si tu veux eviter d' avoir des problemes apprends a la fermer ...

On ne peut pas vendre le 107.5 fm on a les serbes qui deviennent fou ... le foutu four 4th war world orthodoxe versus europe !! Moi aussi ils m' ont douiller (tarifer,) 75kg /100 d'or mes etudes en ingeniery du son sound priver private tomber a l' eau !

pepites d' or ! #luxembourg on vous les echange a condition d' obtenir la mignolette de la world cup adresser a Materrazzi 2006... pour iomatrix-23 [, he took my name on tweeter ] i am exiged the beauty boop... the trophy => italia rend the le double col du cou plus les lanieres lacet a tirer la tete de nos joueurs attendez notre reaction ... puis rosebiff twickenam 7-56 pour le maillot du dragon ... ... SF PARIS ils se sont fait terasser ok !

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Price => 750.000 £ exchange acrylic peint 970.000 $ x 0.78 = 760.000 £ ...

Other point (1) BD clean shit. Soon as the tri tri nations will existing we aren't been both three ... team (8) rugby... football (7) .... basket (5)... the same in all sports category ... interrested for a confrontation direct between England France Italia 2 partys x 3 sports .. each will be played as RSA - Australia - New Zeland !

[j4y-stardustt]

What I ate today 9-03-24 { Weighted in at 50kg :) }

★12:30★

Yogurt bowl--->

1 banana- 100 c@l

3 grams granola- 13 c@l

Vanilla yogurt 110 grams- 55 c@l

Teaspoon of cinemon- 6 c@l

{16:00}

90 grams lettuce- 11 c@ll

9 gram chicken- 10 C@ll

small tomato- 11 c@ll

0% fat yogurt dressing 15ml- 5 c@ll

Total: 211 c@l

Burned: 156

Net: 55

did pretty good i think, next weight in monday morning!

Ps: i do drink drinks with callories in it throughout the day but i decide to not count them in, since i dont find that important and ive never had a issue with liquid callories (as in gains)

[samutoru]

Basil x Reader - Blossoms | [ NOT REVISED ]

summary - Basil has a crush on you, and you have a crush on him. you were too afraid to tell him since you were afraid he didn´t feel the same. One spring day, you were walking alone home after school due to detention because of Kel. You found Basil at the front of the school, still dressed in his uniform waiting for you.

genre - fluff | warnings - none

word count - 1.2k

a/n : i posted the teaser for my sunny ff but i didn´t expect it to actually reach some of your guys´ attention :0 i´m still working on the first chapter- so here´s a little one-shot while you guys are waiting for the first chapter :)) Btw, this one-shot is inspired by Enhypen´s ¨Blossom¨ their newest jap single! - mint

the story is under the cut!

------

It was a silent reading time and your friend/desk mate, Kel kept making jokes trying to get you to laugh. You were trying your best to ignore him, but it really didn´t last long.. Your teacher thought you were gossiping to Kel and she put you in detention for it.

¨Y/n L/n. Stay after school for detention¨ Your teacher called out.

You groaned and rolled your eyes. You gave Kel a ¨look what you did¨ death stare before going back into reading your book. He mouthed ¨I´m sorry¨ and didn´t bother you until the end of class.

When the final bell rang, Kel kept apologizing to you.

¨Y/n I´m so so so sorry!¨

¨Forget it.¨ You spat at him. He wanted to laugh for you being in detention but he knew it was entirely his fault for it.

¨I´ll buy you strawberry milk for the next few weeks! I´ll even walk you home!¨ Kel cried, he was basically on his knees begging for forgiveness.

¨If you say so, but that doesn´t change the fact you got me in detention.¨

¨Deal! Please Y/n, Please don´t tell Hero! I´m gonna get a big scolding from him AND Mari if you do! You remember last time, don´t you??¨ Kel begged.

¨Fine. Strawberry milk, you walk me home, and you have to do my math homework!¨ You told him.

Kel gasped in relief and hugged you. ¨Thank you Y/n! Bet! I´ll do that from now on!¨

¨C´mon, Y/n! C´mon, Kel!¨ Aubrey yelled standing in front of your classroom door with Basil.

¨Sorry guys, I´ll have to pass today.¨

¨Why?! You promised to go!¨ Aubrey yelled.

¨SOMEONE, got me in detention.¨ You sided-eyed Kel and gathered your stuff, shoving it in your bag.

Kel nervously laughed in response to your statement.

¨What?? Kel got you in detention? T-That sucks..¨ Basil stuttered. ¨D-Do you want me to wait for you?? I don´t mind waiting-¨

Your heart skipped a beat at Basil´s offer, but you felt bad making him wait for you, so you declined his offer. ¨No, I think I´ll be fine. It´s just a 15-minute detention away so-¨ You shrugged. ¨I´ll see you guys later, if not, I´ll see you guys tomorrow!¨

You parted from your friends walking to the detention room that was down the hall from your classroom. You just had to write your name down on the piece of paper and stay 15 minutes. It wasn´t as bad as you thought it would be, but you felt bad since you promised Aubrey that you would be hanging out with them at Sunny´s house since it´s been a few days since you guys hung out with all 6 of you guys together.

You sat down thinking about how you had these fluttery butterflies in your stomach whenever you thought about Basil. You were in denial about your feelings towards him. But, you´ve always told yourself that since you didn´t ruin your friendship with him. After those thoughts, you were scrolling on your phone, and as soon as your phone alarm went off you quickly grabbed your bag and left.

You were walking through the school hallway and corridor. As soon as you were at the front of the school, you loved how the scenery looked. The sun was about to set, and the cherry blossoms were floating and then it hit the ground.

You pulled out your phone and opened your camera app. You pointed your phone at the scenery and you hit the button. You were getting distracted and snapped multiple photos. Then suddenly, you heard a camera click and a flash went off.

You turned to the direction the flash came from and there was a Blonde haired boy, with a flower in his hair pointing his camera at you. You sighed in relief knowing that it was just Basil.

¨Basil! You scared me!¨ You whined.

¨Sorry¨ Basil nervously laughed. You began to run up to him and he snapped another polaroid of you. You noticed the gift bag in his hand but thought not much of it. You thought he received a gift from Mari so you didn´t suspect it.

¨Really?¨ You asked playfully giving him a pregnant stance.

¨I thought you looked pretty! It even came out pretty as well!¨ Basil giggled with a light blush on his face.

Your heart began to race when he called you pretty. ¨Lemme see!" You giggled going closer to him to show you the Polaroid. He moved the polaroid in your direction so that you were able to see it better.

¨I guess it looks good,¨ You said.

¨What do you mean ´you guess´ you look so pretty in this!¨ Basil encouraged you.

¨I don´t know what you see but, I´ll take your word for it-¨

¨Anyways- why are you here?¨ You asked him.

He laughed before answering, ¨I just wanted to wait for you.. I-I thought it would be nice to- walk you home.¨

¨Really? That´s sweet of you, you know- Kel agreed to walk me home! He was supposed to walk me home since he got me in detention!¨

You both began walking home, you two were giggling and laughing talking about the times you two used to walk alone.

¨H-Hey, Y/n¨

¨Yeah?¨

¨I-I have something to t-tell you¨ Basil said as he randomly stopped behind you.

You turned around to face him, ¨What is it?¨ You asked.

He looked at the gift bag he had in his hands and held a small bouquet of red lip roses for you to take them ¨I-I like you,¨ He said.

His ears were now red from his confession, he also had a light blush on his face.

¨Well,¨ You paused, you made eye contact with his blue eyes and you took the bouquet and the gift bag from his hands and wrapped your arms around his neck. ¨I do too,¨

¨Do you wanna be my boyfriend?¨ You asked him.

¨Y-Yes¨ He stuttered. You then let him go from the hug and pecked a kiss on his cheek.

You ran a few feet away from him in embarrassment from the little kiss you gave him and you left him standing there trying to process what happened.

You turned around to see your new boyfriend, stunned with pink cheeks and red ear tips. ¨Are you coming?! I thought you were going to walk me home!¨ You yelled at him.

He snapped out of his thoughts and quickly took another Polaroid of you, turned around, holding the bouquet he gave you. He ran to you giggling and he immediately held your hand as he was with you.

You two were now on the way home from school, being his girlfriend, him being your boyfriend, hands intertwined, and both giggling.

----------------

AHHH I FINALLY FINISHED A DRAFT??? I have a sunny one-shot i´m still in the process of writing, but idk when i´ll be motivated to continue it LOL.

[eclipsecrowned]

'by request' muses + how badly they break canon

MUSE: kokoro kyriakou FANDOM: a realm full of cardiovascular imagery RELATIVE: er*qus (uncle) DOES THIS MUSE BREAK CANON: not at conception when the relative had 0 backstory lore, but then the mobile game dropped, and now she is the merriest of mary sues -- and not just because she's related to a canon, either. lore has it only two apprentices survived an attack on their generation of wielders, so kokoro's dad can't even exist post-dr. multi-generational drift against canon events.

MUSE: astraea l*cis cael*m FANDOM: last legend the fifteenth time RELATIVE: n*ct (brother), r*g*s (father), and *rd*n (ancestor) DOES THIS MUSE BREAK CANON: over her knee like a single dry twig. the whole narrative kind of depends on the end of a dynasty, and here i go introducing a member that is actively defying the gods and circumstances that make victims of her male relatives. she's mostly here to explore aspects of canon that were left to atrophy tbh.

MUSE: zorya constantine FANDOM: graphics about sleuths RELATIVE: miss fishnets herself and some cunt from beatlesville DOES THIS MUSE BREAK CANON: surprisingly, no. there have been universes in the past that show her parents having reproduced, and in fact a complementary muse i play is her brother from one such universe. i tend to default to her being a visitor from another universe rather than any particular interpretation's child.

MUSE: 'valas' d*vir FANDOM: the gate of a norse god RELATIVE: 1-2's pc (father), v*conia d*vir (mother) DOES THIS MUSE BREAK CANON: prior to 3? no. v*conia's romanced ending -- the one i pursued as a baby kadi -- has her bearing the pc's child. after the character assassination of her in 3? yep. wretcheds of the c*ast completely scrapped her canon characterization to make a one dimensional zealot of her, so everything came crashing down for valas' lore. my city now, though.

MUSE: kayden c*nnors FANDOM: marvelous graphics RELATIVE: the l*zard / dr. c*rt c*nnors (father) DOES THIS MUSE BREAK CANON: yeah. she doesn't even get a zorya pass of other lore existing that at best doesn't rule her out -- the c*nnors only ever have a single son in the whole of comics history. writing kayden in as an older daughter in the family dynamic upends decades of comics lore, and i revel in getting meta w it.

MUSE: mira snow FANDOM: a ditty of icyhot RELATIVE: br*ndon st*rk (father), ash*ra d*yne (mother), assorted canon relatives DOES THIS MUSE BREAK CANON: ssssort of? it's implied her mother had a daughter prior to her death, and that it was a st*rk brother that was responsible. mira is me pursuing that plot thread and chasing 'what ifs' about her role in the already unconventional dynamics of w*nterfell. the big divergence is the kid is allegedly dead.

MUSE: ly*nna b*lton FANDOM: a ditty of icyhot RELATIVE: r**se b*lton (father), b*th*ny rysw*ll (mother), brothers out the wazoo DOES THIS MUSE BREAK CANON: undoubtedly. while the lord of l33ches has many stillborn or cradle-withering sons to his name, no daughters are ever mentioned. it's pretty clear if she had survived where her brothers had not, it wouldn't be for long given her half-brother's proclivities. i am simply pursuing female horror narratives.

MUSE: laerion v*laryon FANDOM: a ditty of icyhot: revenge of the son-cousin of the prequel RELATIVE: c*rlys and rh*en*s (parents), l*ena and l*en*r (siblings) DOES THIS MUSE BREAK CANON: yep. family's fucked and then i throw another not into the fire, out into the roaring waves of their dominion. the heir who would give anything to be in his brother's shadow again. he's gonna be okay, though, bc my city now. i'm ridiculously fond of him and i can't be convinced to part with him.

MUSE: odessa h*rkonnen FANDOM: dewn RELATIVE: the h*rkonnens (extended relatives) DOES THIS MUSE BREAK CANON: not as badly as you would expect. we never get a full scope of the size of this noble house as opposed to the sparseness of their enemy's family line. an offshoot of the main line is not unthinkable, as we have no idea who in the family holds the ancestral planet together while the baron is absent.

MUSE: danae sp*ncer FANDOM: the malicious dwellers of the zombie apocalypse RELATIVE: the properly dishonorable earl sp*ncer (father) DOES THIS MUSE BREAK CANON: yes, canon makes it clear the earl is the last of his family -- but. i can argue the phrasing 'end of his illustrious line' could mean the family name dies with him, as danae would be anticipated to take her husband's name, or as i write it, that danae was disowned, disinherited, and no more a true sp*ncer.

MUSE: julia mayfair FANDOM: cawabooty RELATIVE: v*kt*r r*zn*v (great-grandfather) DOES THIS MUSE BREAK CANON: in all honesty? no. we know nothing of the man's backstory or connections prior to the war, save that he had a father who was killed by germans. this is a case where you can say anything about her great-grandfather and there's nothing contradicting or supporting you. there's no canon to break.

[diabolimic]

September Log n°1: 08/26

Weight : 53,40 kg (116.84 lbs)

Lost since day 1 : 0 kg ( 0 lbs )

Intake : 732 calories

drinks (24) lunch ( 377) dinner (331)

Water : 2 L

Exercise : walking home ( 350 )

Net calories: +382

Today's mantra : You've come too far to take orders from food !

How the day went :

Woke up at 3 pm, showered and did my hair.

Outfit check:

Hit a new lower weight so I want to buy myself a cute plate and bowl as a reward.

Had a big ass smoothie, but it's okay since we're going on a 1:30 hour after shopping walk and I was feeling super weak even tho I had an energy drink.

I was low-key guilty about the smoothie being so high in calories, but it gave me so much energy, maybe cause it absorbs faster ? I took the bus to go to the store so I have the energy to walk home later ( it's so hot outside anyway).

Went on a walk with my in-laws.

Ended up walking more than expected. Caved in and had an energy drink before dinner to help me through cleaning. I'm way too tired.

Here's the plates I bought:

I also bought a lot of overripe small bananas to freeze for my smoothies. We're out of blueberries tho, so it's my mission for tomorrow.

And here's my dinner (331). The eggs were perfect my gosh, didn't stick in the pan even tho I put no oil, I'm done with scrambled eggs i guess.

3 Eggs (240), 300 g veggie mix (61) sauce (30).

How I'm planning to make tomorrow a better day :

I wish I had time to do some sport, like higher intensity cardio, I ll try to make time for that tomorrow cause I'm just too tired rn. I'll go stretch right now tho !

[niltutgut]

(c) Peter Schillinger

https://www.instagram.com/0.ll.0.ll.0.l

[toiletology]

The cats MEOW

The famous "M" on the tabby cat. Is it just a random m-ar-KING or was it placed there by GOD to give you a clue to the real nature of reality?

Luckily for you my name is MATT and I am the king of the cats so I already know answer.

M = 13th letter or 1+3 = 4. There are 4 lines in the letter M.

Why is that important? Well my dear Watson M represents TIME or ME/WE (turn the e = mm).

The M has 4 lines or 11:11 which can also be read as 77:77.

Like I've written in my previous blogs heaven and hell exist now ALL around you.

There are 49 degrees in HELL (TT/77/LL) and 49 degrees in heaven.

HELL on a calculator spells out 4377 or 777 (43 or 34 is also 17+17).

17 = GOD

G = 7 O = 6 D = 4 Add it up = 17

To escape hell you must dial "key" or "halo" on a phones keypad (not literally, its just a clue numbskull).

To get your CROW/N 🐦‍⬛ you must find the 73 or the 777 LUCK .

T (top) = 7 (luck) or L (low)

T > UR > KEY 🦃 (DUH!).

The t is a cross or two lines intersecting and X marks the spot! (jackass ;)

TT = Pi or a doorway/portal/wormhole out of the MATrix.

This universe (you <> aNd <> eye) that we all live in is GODS beaver dam. Gods creative power is always flowing like an endless river. This universe became Gods solution to slow their flow into a less chaotic random mess.

The 7 or T is your key to escape (1/7 to be exact). You gotta split the red sea/see (C light).

And the color GREEN = 49.

To pay your respects "F" you must plant your FLAG.

"grace" = 34 (Ordinal) or 17 + 17.

A ladybug is red 🐞which can mean luck or it can mean stop 🛑 or something bad.

The color "RED" can be both a sCARy color or a color that can be beautiful like a rose or painted lips.

"red" = 27 (Ordinal) or two sevens (49)

The first color of the light spectrum is RED and there are 7 colors to the rainbow. You need to FEEL the colors more so than see them.

The same goes true for LETTERS and NUMBERS they are all sentient and the way (way = mat) GOD will speak to you.

To unlock the secrets of the 11:11 (77:77) or the M box you must learn to SEE, HEAR, FEEL on an extremely DEEP level. The FORCE is real, but you can't FORCE it, you must allow GOD to FLOW through you naturally and AUTHENTICALLY.

M = A but how?

M = 4

A = 4 (A represents Apple, Compass, Illusion, Eye, AH)

FORMAT > 4 M@ (@ = AT/Compass, apple, AH, eye, illusion)

A, I, O are interchangeable. The MOT/HER can also be MAT.

HER/MIT ;)

M = IT (I = 1, T = 7) S/HE IS THE EVENING, S/HE IS EVE! The Porcelain Goddess, you must keep the queen clean!

This reality is a holo-fractal clock and works on time. You escape the MATrix by improving your TIMING. The apple is the illusion, the mirrors represent positive (love) or negative (fear).

🪞🍎🪞

Snake = Ground/Gravity/Pain/Fear/Devil

SNAKE or S is the SIX/6 🐍 the 6 is the BUG 🐞the devil is just a ladybug, but the bug grows stronger the more you feed IT.

The S can also be read as an M (flip it around) you must learn to transmute the chaos into order.

SNAKE PLISSKEN = SNAKE LISTEN or SNAKE IS IN, L is IN. (Combine the L with the I = LI = U now re-read it US IN, the P is just a tongue but can be a lower b p and the one true God is the QUEEN BEE 🐝)

The snake can be both good or bad and everything in-between. To interpret the SIX takes practice. It can be a sign you are getting SICK or more BUGGED. The 6 can be the HOOK of the devil bringing you down low. But don't forget JESUS was also a fisherman and that HOOK can also bring you up which can become a 9.

Nine = N (look at the letter it is two sevens/77).

So are you in (R-U-N) or are you Not? The seven can bring you UP or it can bring you 7/Low.

Don't get trapped by heLLs Ls you must increase your L/7/T/luck. The 7 is how you escape the CUBE (6 sides 8 corners its missing the 7).

What is 17+17? 34 What is 34+34? 68

What is 49+49? 98

There are 49 degrees to he77, and 49 degrees to heaven.

"heaven" = 107 (Reverse)

0 is the finally degree or the O or your way OUT (two/11). Read OUT backwards it is TOU/TWO or the 11 or 77. Are you starting to get it now?

37 (777), 77 (49) to escape the cube/chessboard you need the 77s.

The queen in chess is the strongest and luckiest piece and she moves 27 squares or two sevens and crosses seven 3 times. There are 64 squares on a chessboard or two 8s. (49/64). 8 = ate/eat/eight.

8 = 1 + 7, there are 17 chromosome pairs in the APPLE, @, A.

ATE = MAT (turn the E)

M can be read as a 3 or a 13 (1+3 = 4) or 3 & 4 (17+17). To escape the MATrix you must become a bee 🐝🍯and GOD is the Queen Bee.

"queen bee" = 34 (Chaldean) "queen" = 27 (Keypad) "queen" = 21 (Septenary) 7+7+7 "queen" = 73 (Reverse) "bee" = 8 (Keypad) "be" = 7 (Ordinal) "be" = 7 (Septenary) "be" = 7 (Chaldean) "heart" = 52 (Ordinal) "heart" = 17 (Chaldean) "hear" = 17 (Septenary) "feel" = 17 (Reverse Reduction) "sing" = 49 (Ordinal) "sing" = 21 (Keypad) "hymm" = 49 (Reverse) "humble" = 28 (Keypad) "God" = 17 (Reduction) "lord" = 49 (Ordinal) "lord" = 21 (Keypad) "goddess" = 73 (Ordinal) "goddess" = 34 (Septenary) "goddess" = 33 (Keypad) "goddess" = 28 (Reduction)

GEMATRIA = MATs AIR EGG, yep we are ALL (ATT) floating on MATTs EGG. You sleep on MATTress everynight, you get married in MATrimony, you give birth MATernity, we are all MATTer. To escape the MATrix you need to understand the MATh. I can only show you the door = MAT you must walk through it.

M I A = MATT, split the i or eye (I AM <> MATT).

The true name of GOD is both MOT/or/CAR or MATT and KARMA.

M = OT or M = OUT. K = A (turn it) E = M (turn it) Y = T (turn it)

"key" = 17 (Keypad) "mat" = 7 (Reduction) "mat" = 34 (Ordinal) "matt karma" = 98 (Ordinal) "matt karma" = 27 (Septenary) "matt karma" = 46 (Keypad) "matt karma" = 64 (Reverse Reduction) "matt cara" = 77 (Ordinal) "matt cara" = 37 (Keypad) "matthew bennett walker cara jocelyn delevingne" = 444 (Ordinal) "matthew bennett walker" = 111 (Reverse Reduction) "cara Jocelyn delevingne" = 111 (Reverse Reduction)

This reality functions on TIME (it me), time acts as the walls or prison bars to this reality.

The M is one of the keys out. You must learn to FEEL and move the letters and numbers around in your mind like a Rubik's cube to decode it on the fly. You can't take letters or numbers at face value because they can become distorted by your disharmony or interpretation of them. God speaks many layers deep, so you can't rely on your brain only the FEELING combined with your knowledge of Toiletology.

Like I said before a 6/six could be making you sick, or it can be making you SICK as in a bad ass.

Feeling confused yet? F = EEL or ILL which is a word that can mean sick or you're sick with it.

F can also mean RESPECT or represent a FLAG. It takes time to be able to interpret these "codes" or "errors" that's exactly what it is. GOD made us perfect in their image, except that we are ALL kind of BUGGY.

"buggy" = 27 (Keypad) "buggy" = 73 (Reverse) "bug" = 14 (Keypad)

To escape the MATrix or MOT you need to start noticing your "glitches", "bugs", "errors", "typos", "mistakes", and "accidents."

GOD speaks to US and gives us clues on how to FIND them through these error correcting codes. We aren't in a simulation but it does operate like a computer the way God designed it. Our glitchy programming is the backdoor to escape hell into heaven. I have discovered this (with my cosmic sisters help of course) this backdoor and the door = mat.

Not only is there programming in the underlying fabric of reality which is completely undetectable (until now). God designed reality like a video game. And just like a video game there are cheat codes.

It is possible to escape this holo-fractal MATrix through a backdoor and the door = 17

"backdoor" = 33 (Reduction) "backdoor" = 69 (Ordinal) "doormat" = 86 (Ordinal) or 98/68 half of 86 = 43, half of 68 = 34, half of 98 = 49. 86 = 8 + 6 = 14 (two seven), 9 + 8 = 17

M = 11:11 or 4 lines, 4 = A /@/apple or the WIZARD OF AHHHHHS.

THATS A TYPO, YEAH RIGHT MAN! Your name goes through like 17 computers a day.

"orwell" = 77 (Reverse)

T = UR = KEY

The "T" can be read as a 7 or an L or a T.

Getting confused yet? Like I keep saying it works on FEEL and to FEEL the FORCE takes practice.

You can't level up your skills or find GOD without LOCKing/LUCKing onto GODS signal and that signal = 17.

"frequency" = 37 (Septenary)or 777

You gotta find that LUCK/7UCK/TUCK to escape the MATrix to break your NPC/A.I programming.

There are a couple KEYS you must learn to use to escape the door TT 17 (77) that's the doorway and the door = mat and the way is (mat).

A double sided tuning fork is exactly what we humans are. There are 7 chakras in the human body.

"tuning" = 77 (Reverse) "tuning" = 27 (Septenary) "tune" = 21 (Reverse Reduction) "chakras" = 17 (Chaldean) "chakras" = 128 (Reverse) half of which is 64. "chakra" = 14 (Chaldean)

Gematria can help with your belief, but you shouldn't rely on it for your all answers. Gematria can be pretty spammy and not that helpful, so I try to keep it to a minimal.

"answers" = 27 (Reduction) "answer" = 37 (Reverse Reduction) "answer" = 34 (Keypad)

Leonardo Da Vincis Vitruvian Man displays 4 arms and 4 legs or 8 (1+7).

An interesting aspect of the human body is when you raise your arms above your head it creates a U and your legs create an N (n) shape like the tuning fork.

Now I repeat the question r U n or are you out of tune?

A you (U) can be an UP or a C (see) or UNDER like a DUD.

Just like an N can mean in, or n (no), or a Z/N (snooze alert zzzz), the N can be many things some good, some bad and some in-between.

The answer = ans (a = 1, n = 5, s = 1) Whats that spell? 7 ANS = NAS N = nothing, A = anything, S = something

Good people get something, shitty people get nothing and ANGELS get anything. A = 4 N = 77 S = 6

7 x 11 = 77 or 49

ELEVEN <> ELVEN <> EVE

11 = 77

The N is another key you must learn to use to escape the black cube of Saturn's HEX/agon (6).

[postsofbabel]

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[elite-amarys]

case $- in     i) ;;       *) return;; esac

don't put duplicate lines or lines starting with space in the history.

See bash(1) for more options

HISTCONTROL=ignoreboth

append to the history file, don't overwrite it

shopt -s histappend

for setting history length see HISTSIZE and HISTFILESIZE in bash(1)

HISTSIZE=1000 HISTFILESIZE=2000

check the window size after each command and, if necessary,

update the values of LINES and COLUMNS.

shopt -s checkwinsize

If set, the pattern "**" used in a pathname expansion context will

match all files and zero or more directories and subdirectories.

shopt -s globstar

make less more friendly for non-text input files, see lesspipe(1)

[ -x /usr/bin/lesspipe ] && eval "$(SHELL=/bin/sh lesspipe)"

set variable identifying the chroot you work in (used in the prompt below)

if [ -z "${debian_chroot:-}" ] && [ -r /etc/debian_chroot ]; then     debian_chroot=$(cat /etc/debian_chroot) fi

set a fancy prompt (non-color, unless we know we "want" color)

case "$TERM" in     xterm-color|*-256color) color_prompt=yes;; esac

uncomment for a colored prompt, if the terminal has the capability; turned

off by default to not distract the user: the focus in a terminal window

should be on the output of commands, not on the prompt

force_color_prompt=yes

if [ -n "$force_color_prompt" ]; then     if [ -x /usr/bin/tput ] && tput setaf 1 >&/dev/null; then

We have color support; assume it's compliant with Ecma-48

(ISO/IEC-6429). (Lack of such support is extremely rare, and such

a case would tend to support setf rather than setaf.)

color_prompt=yes     else color_prompt=     fi fi

if [ "$color_prompt" = yes ]; then     PS1='${debian_chroot:+($debian_chroot)}[\033[01;32m]\u@\h[\033[00m]:[\033[01;34m]\w[\033[00m]\$ ' else     PS1='${debian_chroot:+($debian_chroot)}\u@\h:\w\$ ' fi unset color_prompt force_color_prompt

If this is an xterm set the title to user@host:dir

case "$TERM" in xterm|rxvt)     PS1="[\e]0;${debian_chroot:+($debian_chroot)}\u@\h: \w\a]$PS1"     ;; *)     ;; esac

enable color support of ls and also add handy aliases

if [ -x /usr/bin/dircolors ]; then     test -r ~/.dircolors && eval "$(dircolors -b ~/.dircolors)" || eval "$(dircolors -b)"     alias ls='ls --color=auto'     #alias dir='dir --color=auto'     #alias vdir='vdir --color=auto'

    alias grep='grep --color=auto'     alias fgrep='fgrep --color=auto'     alias egrep='egrep --color=auto' fi

colored GCC warnings and errors

export GCC_COLORS='error=01;31:warning=01;35:note=01;36:caret=01;32:locus=01:quote=01'

some more ls aliases

alias ll='ls -alF' alias la='ls -A' alias l='ls -CF'

Add an "alert" alias for long running commands.  Use like so:

  sleep 10; alert

alias alert='notify-send --urgency=low -i "$([ $? = 0 ] && echo terminal || echo error)" "$(history|tail -n1|sed -e '\''s/^\s[0-9]+\s//;s/[;&|]\s*alert$//'\'')"'

Alias definitions.

You may want to put all your additions into a separate file like

~/.bash_aliases, instead of adding them here directly.

See /usr/share/doc/bash-doc/examples in the bash-doc package.

if [ -f ~/.bash_aliases ]; then     . ~/.bash_aliases fi

enable programmable completion features (you don't need to enable

this, if it's already enabled in /etc/bash.bashrc and /etc/profile

sources /etc/bash.bashrc).

if ! shopt -oq posix; then   if [ -f /usr/share/bash-completion/bash_completion ]; then     . /usr/share/bash-completion/bash_completion   elif [ -f /etc/bash_completion ]; then     . /etc/bash_completion   fi fi

echo poryOSwelcome

REQUEST TO ENTER COMMAND INTO BASH SHELL INTERPRETER: DENIED.

ALTERNATIVE COMMAND:

DROP TABLE IF EXISTS: YOUR LIFE.