#..what im tryna say is i feel very uncomfortable making a part of the same environment that i grew up in but for someone else. essentially | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

thebigqueer · 4 years ago

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hiii! could you write a fic/headcanons of leo, nico and will. i had no idea that was a ship until recently and i love it!!! and i want to read how they get together. in my mind solangelo is already dating (bc leo is in no condition to date after canon) and after leo comes back (after toa5) they became friends and eventually they confess to leo (when he already got over calypso and is better emotionally y'know?). no pressure if you don't feel like writing this tho :)))

hhhh anon im sorry i absolutely would love to write this for you into like an actual fic but it takes me a long time to write fics :(

but! i can def give you headcanons! after all they’re like fics but in outline form and much less grammatically correct! but if i do make a fanfic, i’ll be sure to post it. maybe you’ll like it! can’t make any promises i’d write it anytime soon though cuz i have a few more projects on the line but you know... i’m def considering making one after everything i’ve written in this post...

okay exactly yes i totally agree that leo only gets with them after he’s emotionally stable & after toa5

this is straying from soldezangelo a little but i made a post here about what i personally think should have happened w/ leo’s ending in HoO, if you’re interested in reading it. i’m gonna make the following bullet points based on that

but tldr: i’m just basically saying that i wish caleo ended up leaving ogygia as friends so that leo didn’t get that forced romance on him

so he stays at the waystation for a while with calypso (only as friends; like they’re staying there and are really adorable friends) and all the while he’s really thinking only about himself and his well-being. he goes back to high school and keeps up with that project he’s doing w/ other kids and giving them opportunities to make things (GOD THAT WAS SO CUTE)

then leo decides that maybe for the winter, he’ll go back for a trip (i also hc that piper and percy and annabeth go to chb for the same winter so that some of the seven see each other!)

there, he meets will and nico, but i think mostly he’s interested in talking w/ nico. so they talk a lot. nico expresses how angry they were for leo dying like that and scaring everyone, and leo says he’s sorry but he had to. i think this also provides nico and leo the perfect opportunity to talk about jason, since they were both really good friends with him. and nico also understands that it was leo’s decision and his sacrifice. but they also talk about how leo’s sacrifice kind of... felt weird. since in the end, they still lost the storm but the fire lived on (ehehhehe idk if that made sense but i was tryna be smart lakjsdlfkj)

i think that opportunity ultimately provides nico and leo to get along a LOT better with each other, and they both realize that they actually have been through a lot of similar feelings. by which i mean theyre both so fuckin mentally unstable and they relate to one another.

nico talks about how he’s been in a relationship with will for a while, and leo’s happy for him, really. but i think a small part of him is jealous, too. not because “oh god here’s another couple im supposed to worry about after ive just started getting over this ingrained idea of needing romance to solve all my issues and feeling like i belong,” but more because i think leo’s always been a little attracted to nico since they were on the argo II with each other. i don’t think he ever acted on those feelings, especially since a lot of the people on that ship were more judgmental towards nico and he probably felt like he had to be as well (by the way, none of this is an excuse to leo’s treatment of nico, or, by extension, an excuse for anyone’s treatment of nico on the argo II.)

leo apologizes to nico about how he treated him, and nico smiles and tells him it’s fine. like, nico has had his own bout of personal growth as well, especially in the past year. he doesn’t - and won’t - forget how people treated him, but now he’s learning to just let it go, in a sense.

and i think this is when leo and nico kind of develop underlying feelings for each other.

leo and nico probably hang out a lot, but will also joins becuase he’s nico’s boyfriend, and nico loves to have him tag along. so i think leo feels a little intimidated by will, like “damn my crush is really just bringing along their boyfriend huh??”

and leo’s like. so jealous. like “ugh why does this hot golden ray of sunshine have to ruin everything. why is he always around. he’s so fucking distracting. like hello i’m trying to simp for nico but he’s so gorgeous for the both of us.” and then it hits leo that oh wait oh fuck he actually likes both of them and that “intimidation” he was feeling was mostly just him being attracted LMAO

leo and will get a bit closer through nico, and then i think the two of them are like very joke-y with each other, and they totally connect with each other about texas and being absolute fucking NERDS (since they are both canonically absolute dumbass nerds HSDHFSLFKDJ)

and leo’s struck with how cute he is omG

and then nico’s like “wow they’re both so glowy aslkdjffdj HHHHH”

and then will’s like “damn they’re both so dark and mysterious”

and also not to mention they all totally relate about mental illnesses, abandonment issues, and the like. i mean, after everything that’s happened to all three of them (since will has been through like two wars, has lost two brothers, and has probably lost a lot of lives and feels guilty for it) they probably really relate to each other about always feeling... this dark uncomfortableness inside them. a void. they get really deep about mental health, and i think nico actually suggests to both of them that they should all talk to dionysus, just like he does (because, as we all fucking know, love cannot fix mental health and it doesn’t matter how much they’re all attracted to each other, they will not cure each other just because they’re in love)

i think somewhere in the relationship between will and nico, a tension starts to build up a little. they’re not really sure how to exactly deal with teh fact that they like leo (and neither of them actually admits it to the other because they like the other as well and they really are not in the mood for a “”””love triangle”””)

but the funny thing is, they probably all talk about it with dionysus in their separate times. and Mr. D is just. he’s so done.

SLKDJFKLSDHFLJSDKFSDKJFSFDLJK - Mr. D falling asleep at night thinking about this soldezangelo thing because he thinks it’s really funny that they all like each other but don’t wanna admit it

he totally suggests that nico and will talk about it together, and after lots of hesitation, will is probably the first one to come outright and say that he likes leo as well. and nico’s like “OMG WHAT ME TOO. like i really like you but i also really like leo...”

so they’re both actually really relieved, because they didn’t really want to break up with each other but they didn’t really want to keep lying to each other, either.

and they tell leo, and then leo’s so happy because lKJSDFJLSLDFK YALL I LIKED YOU FOR THE LONGEST TIME

and bada-bing, bada-boom, ya got yourself a little soldezangelo!!!!

i hope you liked that!!! i’m actually tempted to make this into a fic now, but since it’s already in headcanon form is there a point? hmm... imma think on this though. thank you SO MUCH for the ask!!!

#soldezangelo headcanon #leo valdez headcanon #nico di angelo headcanon #will solace headcanon #soldezangelo #leo valdez #nico di angelo #will solace #rick riordan #riordanverse headcanon #riordanverse #trials of apollo #toa #anon tag #asks

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obeymefanatic · 5 years ago

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Just started following you (really love your art ❤️) and I feel the same way with how uncomfortable the way the boys are projecting onto MC as a replacement for Lilith. When the main story is updated again, I really want it to focus on them learning how to work through their trauma of losing their sister, realizing how obsessing over the past is unhealthy and recognize that MC is their own person. What do you think? What other content do you want to see in the main story?

Hehe, thank you very much! I appreciate it.

Right, right! I would've loved for something like that as well. But they've lived for so long and not all of them are as hung up on Lilith as Beelzebub and Belphegor, imo.

Out of all the brothers, the twins are the ones, actually---Beelzebub is the MOST affected by her death. While the others weren't happy about her death, I'm sure, they seemed to have moved on enough to at least not remember her every waking day of their life. Meanwhile, Beel kept having nightmares, and his regret really ate him up from the inside. It didn't help that Belphie was kept away from him for a long time as well. Out of the bro's, he was the one who's always thinking about it, always reminiscing so sadly.

Mammon and Levi are always occupied by their money and games respectively, it's all they talk about. Asmodeus is as cheerful as ever, we all know this one goes clubbing a lot. He has a lot of distractions. Satan on the other hand isn't even acquainted with her, she's practically a stranger, and the only memories of her that she knows is not even his. They're Lucifer's. When MC was brought up as Lilith's descendant, Satan said he felt happy, but he was confused. He doesn't know why he was happy and relieved--but it's because he was once part of Lucifer.

Lucifer can also be argued as the one affected most, but he hid it so damn well, I'm sure that even though he was also hung up over her as somebody who knew she lived on as a human, he had to suppress his desire to watch over her. And in suppressing so, he had to have numbed himself and told himself that she's living a happy life now, and there is no room for him---someone who is now simply just a part of her past---to interfere and intrude in her life.

Compared to Beel, whose sadness always seemed to show, Luci handled it a little too well, and was still able to go through his daily activities without looking down out of the blue. He was still Lucifer, working hard, scolding his brothers, keeping up with Diavolo's whims and getting along with Simeon and Barbatos.

Meanwhile, Beel's "arc" revolved around her. And he was actually the one who seemed to be overjoyed by the fact that MC is Lilith's descendant. I remember it all too well. But I'm not confident actually,??, but I just remember it by feeling! He's really the one who misses Lilith the most, and he's always the one who's bringing her up. I doubt Belphie's feelings because he got over her too quickly and was quick to apologize to MC, even though he could've been more confused about how he's supposed to feel. It was because she fell in love with a human that he started hating humans. It's a bummer that his hatred was looked over, and he quickly reverted back to being gentle.

Still, I'm sure they were all affected deeply. It's just a question of who showed it the most, and that was Beel and Belphie. (Beel, who couldn't forget about her even in his unconscious. And Belphie, who started hating humans because of her reason for dying.)

It would be nice if every brother was given a time to think about the revelation. They just accepted it straight! So questionable and mysterious. If we want them to get over their tendency to link MC with Lilith, especially Beel, this would have to be addressed and brought back to the story, which is a little too late, I think.

So I'd like for them to have a one-on-one bonding time with MC, and actually give MC more options to be themselves! Which means more questions for them, and more options to choose. I want to see the brothers ponder, and just realize that MC is an entirely different person, and while they cannot replace the hole left in their hearts with Lilith's passing, I want them to realize how important the MC is to them, not to their family, but to them, as an individual.

And meanwhile, I want this kinda arc of bonding to be about moving on and letting go. But really, with how old they already are, how long are the lives they've lived, it shouldn't take much. I just also want to see a speck of immortality woes on the way they act. I want to feel that they're beings that have already lived this long! We don't feel that very often, actually.

And I'd also like to see a lot of action and plot conflicts in the future, instead of the dang family drama. Maybe if they focused on the present this time and the troubles that could befall their peaceful times, many things may be realized and could help them get over their past!

For example, MC's life might be threatened. Instead of how they glossed over that in favor of the joy the revelation brought in the last plot, this time, I want them to get scared, to actually think about it, and to act upon it.

The last plot concentrated too much on the brother's troubles. The MC was pre-occupied tryna fix their family instead of worrying about themselves. And with how the game's narrative ran, we were also only given chances to talk or "choose an option" whenever it's to move the scene forward (m not even sure about that) or when the brothers or the other people ask for our opinion. (I think the only time we get to do an action without it being a response is when we're tryna kiss or get in the brother's pants HSBSHSH--)

What I'm tryna say is, we really don't get to speak up or talk in the most crucial of moments where we want to have a say in! There are times when I wish I could've said something or said no in the game. When I could've DONE something instead of getting swept up with whatever the MC was getting into in the game!

That sneaking in in the past so that MC wouldn't be found out and accomplish their mission of tryna find out who let Belphie out! It was a little too forced how they were found out when we could've PREVENTED it from happening by being SMART and EXTREMELY CAUTIOUS about it!!!

But we weren't given an option to be like that. T'was like the odds were stacked against us so unfairly. I was so eager to accomplish that mission, because MC's pride was also riding on how well they'll be able to do it after challenging THE Lord Diavolo! It was the moment I was waiting for---MC's moment to shine!!! But no. We weren't given much of an option to succeed. We crashed and burned and witnessed our death, and because of that, the original timeline was erased. Like. Damn. But then everything quickly went back to normal and we didn't GET to give a DAMN!

....Anyway (god this is getting so long im so sorryHSHSHDBDVDG)

In the future stories, I want it to finally dawn upon the MC that the Devildom is a terrifying place full of demons with conflicting ideas, and not everything can and will be solved through the brothers and Diavolo alone.

In stepping unto Devildom and getting to know creatures from two other realms you didn't even know existed until you were dragged into their worlds, there are bound to be otherworldy things that can happen that would be far from the boring happenings in the daily life of a human. I want to feel that in the next stories to come!!

(So basically, I want them to focus on the MC's feelings more now!!! And show how important they are to the brothers---and I want more action! More magical battles and shows of power and all that stuff!! I want serious conflicts against the brothers and the MC--and how it will affect them and their peaceful lives!! I want to see how they will handle such troubles, and how their relationship with the MC will grow!! G I V E S E P A R A T E R O U T E S / E N D I N G S D E P E N D I N G O N O U R F I R S T C H O I C E S)

It's fun that we can go back and choose another option, but I'd like for the initial option to have an impact on where the story will lead us. That'll make it more interesting and fun!!

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raysofsinshine · 4 years ago

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vent

so i've been blocked by someone i thought was a friend a few days ago and like. im working on accepting that, but it only makes my rsd and paranoia spike bc like. im on this one server that they're also on and people dont respond to my shit and i worry that a lot of them have blocked me too? and if thats the case, just kick me from the server or some shit. will i complain? absolutely. but id rather be removed than ignored. i know im kind of an attention whore but it can be hard to find people into the same part of tf that im into, and so like. i'll latch onto someone because they actually know what im talking about. and i tried telling them that, but i fear it came off as... creepy? because it was the last message i was able to send them :/ and im tryna give them space but they're like. super active on the few servers i participate in that are active. our last real interaction low key made me feel very uncomfortable tbh... the server basically arrested me for catboy crimes? in reality im not a cat boy at all, i only truly joke about it bc i kinda kin leozack. but basically that was my "initiation". and ill be honest? shit like that is not very welcoming. I was immediately overwhelmed by "insult" and then promptly ignored. im p sure some of the other users follow me and if they read this, im sorry i didn't say anything but that's because i didn't feel safe. how am i supposed to come to you if i have a problem with the server, when im attacked as soon as i enter? even if it's play. it's like going to a party, and everyone shoots nerf darts at you when you enter. i just wanted to be able to ask other creators for help creating my cont and check out other conts but what's the point if they ignore me? and not trying to shame anyone but the trigger/squick list (which isn't specified which ones are triggers) is like 500 things. how the fuck am i suppose to remember all that. and i havent even tried talking about my other conts. pride is just my... well it's my pride. but not anymore, bc i was encouraged to make it by the very person that blocked me. i developed it with their help, their encouragement, their excitement. and now i feel used. i cant look at certain things without thinking about how i should send it to them, before remembering.

anyways thanks for coming to my tedtalk.

#dont rb #vent

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atuzbee · 7 years ago

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DEH 10.5.17

-general-

OH MY GOD HERE WE GO

So there was the obc except for larry/michael park who was understudied by Asa Somers

Mike looks at individuals in the audience, he speaks to them specifically

i think Will uses this technique where you look at the back of the heads of people/back of the theatre, its used for speaking to the whole theatre

and can i just say, will does NOT get enough credit for his entire performance, while yes his comedic timing and stuff are AMAZING, he cries while on stage and brings a lot of emotion that i did NOT expect but it was so good

Ben kinda does both, god his voice is so good, its so much better irl if thats even possible

connor has a braided leather bracelet

If mike says that he’s not a strong singer 1 more time im gonna cut a bitch

his voice is so clear and he hits every note perfectly

dude. the sets are so pretty ughgugh

Mike Faist is a beautiful human like. pictures dont do him justice man, he looks good in them but irl hes like. !!! wtf hes so pretty

bens outfit changes are so quick how does he even do that wtf

LISTEN TO ME DO NOT SELL YOUR TICKETS BC THERES AN UNDERSTUdY

-act 1-

after connor says fuck you to zoe ,, mike gives laura a teeny tiny smile right before he puts his head down

oh my god speaking of smiles the are you high smile is SO FUNNY

the part in waving through a window where theres the break and then the “ON THE OUTSIDE ALWAYS LOOKING IN”? that is so powerful irl like. dude the sound vibrates through you and its so good

connor tries waving to evan during waving through a window but evan didn’t see, im fine this is fine

I started crying during waving through a window and I didnt stop till after the end of the show

Evan starts crying during writing the letter and he also doesnt stop

sincerly me has so many pretty harmonies

JARED SAID IT, HE SAID IT INSTEAD OF HOT I LOST IT

KiNkY

Zoe bounces her leg and bites her nails

Evan bites his nails, fiddles with his shirt, scratches at his palm, and picks at his fingers

the actors bring so much to the characters its so good!! its so good omg

AFTER SINCERLY ME FINISHES AND THE LIGHTS GO OUT CONNOR FLIPS OFF THE AUDIENCE ITS SO FUNNY

all you gotta DO

i could see the cellist from where i was sitting and she was rocking out to sincerly me and mouthing along it was great

right before requiem zoe like, rushes over to the letters after holding back and pushing cynthia away, its so deperate and powerful oh lord

okay so Asa brings so much to the role of larry, from what ive heard Michael is very stoic all the time but Asa like, is just really tired of life more than anything.

Asa’s Larry for sure isnt a good guy but hes not the bad guy either. He fucks up as a parent for sure, and what he did to connor was not okay but like… man he does care even if he tries not to show it

during you will be found larry breaks down, he starts crying oof it broke my heart

Ben Platt is so good, his emotions are so raw, fuck,

-act 2-

so, you and zoe,, ??

OH WHAT A NICE GLOVE

to break in a glove is so funny and sad at the same time

larrys voice breaks on “or if you’re tryna do whats best”

and he yells the next part, hes like on the brink of tears

Sincerly me reprise is a fucking bop and connor looks mildly uncomfortable about how many kids end up sucking dick for meth

we all know it but WILLS LAUGH IS A BLESSING

nYehHEHHeHEHhE

its so funny holy shit

YES THE INSANELY COOL !!! JARED KLIENMAN

a part of the saucy friendship we had ;)

i like the choreography for the reprise too its kinda different from sincerly me ??

larry drinks bourbon and some expensive looking wine

jared invites evan to his party with lots of alcohol like. he makes a big fucking deal out of the alcohol

ok so after the scene where jared accuses evan of having connors death be the best thing thats ever happened to him, jared storms off and evan kinda lingers after him on stage for a solid 30 seconds before being pulled away by zoe

evan starts dressing more and more like connor till theyre in almost the same outfit

evan has funyuns stashed away in his little headrest storage thing

after only us zoe kisses his and they lay down and wowie some things are heavily implied there

oh god so when heidi is at the murphys house and evan finds out he shrinks into himself so much

will screams FUCK YOU EVAN, ASSHOLE with so much emotion in his voice you could feel everyone react

jared like, stomps his foot and screams silently during good for you, he starts crying and you wont see it if you dont look for it but man. that fucked me up.

heidi crys so much

okay so during the did you fall or did you let go connor yells at him almost as if he’s angry

during the finale ben seems like hes talking to everyone who’s ever wanted to kill themselves and it. Made me CRY

this is such a lifechanging show holy shit

#mine #text.txt #deh #dear evan hansen #mike faist #ben platt #will roland #asa somers #evan hansen #connor murphy #zoe murphy #heidi hansen

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angelgoddesslover · 7 years ago

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Something happened yesterday

So I’ve been talking to this guy since like February we aren’t exclusive or anything just getting to know each other and chilling letting vibes take the wheel and whatnot.

Yesterday I go over after work Im wearing a jersey some black skinny jeans and some white lebrons not extra cute but I look nice my hair is up cuz I didn’t wanna do it that morning and it’s still neatly up after a 12 hr shift.

When I meet up w him I melt cuz lowkey I’m catching feelings but I’m not too bothered or anything. He opens the door to my car and he’s happy to see me. It’s cute we make out a little being all cute w each other and then he pulls out his phone like fuck.

He tells me that his friends are like 5 min away from his place surprise visit and whatnot. So I’m like ohh ok like I’ll leave you to it but he says no I want you to stay and meet my friends. *melting inside* I’m like ok what do you wanna do.

At first he was like maybe we can go to a club I’m not in anyway dressed for a club (I could do so much better) so I’m like ehh and he’s like I get you wanna look cute ok so maybe let’s go to a hookah bar. That I can get behind. So I’m chilling w him in the street telling him about my day having his strong arms wrapped around my body super cute lmao.

Well a white car pulls up and he’s like that’s my friends. There’s 2 guys in the white car. My guy (let’s call him Anthony) he goes up to the white car on the other side of the street from where we were and he’s like heyyy buddies or whatever. I’m on the other side cuz I was gonna charge my boos phone in my car. (Boy lives the dangerous life at 1%) so I’m tryna connect it get it done and I cross the street and I’m like hi! Mingle a little bit and Anthony introduces me to his friends.

Remember it’s 2 guys. Guy A is in the drivers seat (we can call him Dre) and Guy B is in the passengers seat (we can call him Joe). So Anthony is like hey this is Dre my best friend homie for life and I’m like hey nice to meet you. Dre says it’s nice to meet you too looks at me and is like wow you’re cute so I’m like thanks! Joe is still in his seat chilling. Anthony is telling Dre “this the girl I was telling you about remember her tattoo?” So I’m like oh yea true I have a tattoo on my sternum. So Anthony is like show him your tattoo. A little uncomfortable cuz it’s under my boobs and I’m w the boo thang so I’m like wait I’ve got it perfectly cropped out in my phone so I can show you guys. I grab my phone and show Dre and Joe and they’re like damn that’s lit and I’m like thanks. We get to talking about if it hurt and whatnot. I have a high pain tolerance so it didn’t hurt at all and Joe chimes in like lmao tattoos don’t hurt you have to just chill. Dre asks joe if he has one and he’s like not yet but I’m gonna and I’m like cool yea same like you just have to prepare and you’ll be fine also depends where you get it. Dre says he wants a chest piece but he’s afraid and I’m like it’s cool you know just if it’s something you want just breathe and think other thoughts or whatever. We continue to talk about tattoos and stuff and then we notice the time.

None of this was planned so Anthony is chilling in some sweats and he’s like I’m gonna pop in real quick and change. So I’m like cool bet I’ll be here. Anthony is like ok *slaps my butt* and says go to your car I’ll be out in a sec. I’m like yes daddy. So I go to my car and put some music on.

Literally I kid you not Anthony goes inside his house and Dre steps out of his car and taps at my car window. So I lower it (like a dumbass I pull down the wrong window quickly recover tho) so Dre is like “haha I didn’t see that”. I’m like “bet your ass you didn’t lmao” but he says he has to ask me a question.

“Have you and Anthony fucked?” Just like that like it’s a normal thing to say.

“Have what? Why would that be your concern if we have or haven’t tho?¿”

“He’s like cuz I have to ask you another question, but I need to know the answer”

“Well you’re not getting answer from me but what’s the other question?”

“I need to know if my dick is bigger than his. He says he has a 10” dick and mine is 9” and I just have to know cuz I feel like he’s lying.”

Literally the words that came out of his mouth. I could not I was shook. I couldn’t believe this was a conversation I was having what went through my mind at this point was ‘damn gurl maybe you shouldn’t rolled down your window but I thought he was gonna tell me something important damn gurl you fucked up’

“So have you and Anthony fucked? Have you seen his dick?”

“You don’t have to fuck to see a dick but idk man like if that’s what he says that’s what it is 🤷🏻‍♀️ like even if let’s say I knew what girl would pull out a ruler to measure besides I don’t even know what yours looks like to compare so what even and no I don’t wanna find it either.”

“I can pull it out but I have to get a little hard so you can measure for sure.”

“Ok no I don’t wanna do that.” *starts to roll window up* and then Dre dipped after seeing Anthony.

I couldn’t process what happened in that moment but I was shaking I had adrenaline I wanted to scream. So Anthony comes up to me and he’s like hey I’m gonna ride w my friend cuz he wants to vent about some baby mama drama (different guy had pulled up we can call him Luis) and I’m like ok but and he’s like I can be w you all night and stuff so i just nod.

So we’re going to this hookah place and we are following each other. I take a minute to process and call up my friends tell them what just happened. After proper venting they tell me I need to tell Anthony and I’m just tryna figure out how.

We get to the place and I’m like ok now is my chance but then I see Dre and I’m like nope I wanna dip I don’t wanna be here and Anthony notices somewhat. He pulls me close to him and he’s like come here. He was telling how he didn’t wanna be there anymore and if I wanted to do something else. Any other day I woulda been like yea sure not even caring I had work in the morning but I was like I want to go home. Anthony says “cuz you work tomorrow true” I cut him off “I have to tell you something” and he stops.

“Look me in my eyes and tell me again” very sternly. He’s 6ft tall I’m 4’ 11” so I’m like yes daddy. “I have to tell you something”

So I tell him just the first part basically your buddy your best friend asked if we fucked and if your dick was really 10” cuz his is 9”… I get cut off. I can feel him he’s mad. “Go home I’m gonna take care of this” so I dipped. I don’t know what happened and I haven’t heard from Anthony since last night.

#true story #venting #wow #exhausted #crazy #guys are weird #and dumb

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bythepowerof4 · 7 years ago

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bythepowerof4 hi hey hello

readmylipstick Hello, hey, hi.

bythepowerof4 haha hi hows everything

readmylipstick Not terrible, all things considered. How is your...everything?

bythepowerof4 i'd say, neutral? class sucks but damian got thrown on his ass so

bythepowerof4 well no ok also bad bc U Know so. if you wanna. talk about that. or we can not for a bit i don't mind

readmylipstick I guess I'm just worried about your feelings? Because it was really unfair for me to drop, well, everything that I've dropped on you in the past couple months.

bythepowerof4 ok but no??? you like should tell me stuff if you want right not all at once and not when you're all out of it but . everything else is good not good cause it wasn't good stuff :/ but good that you wanted to tell me?? that's just a friend thing im not mad !!

readmylipstick You're not mad?

bythepowerof4 maybe?? i don't know i don't think so it doesn't matter the other stuff wasn't """unfair""" ok just. the other night. was a lot. idk

readmylipstick I feel like you dk, though. And if my feelings matter, than so do yours!

bythepowerof4 well yeah i guess im sorry i feel like i had things to say but i have no idea what they are lmao

bythepowerof4 that wasnt a good start huh. is there anything you really wanna say?? i wont be mad or weird or anything, promise

readmylipstick Just that like, I'm going to try and be better. Less...explosive. And I still meant a lot of what I said, but I don't want any of it to come between our friendship or make things weird.

bythepowerof4 ok well neither so thats a good start is there anything. i should be doing? or? not doing? and i mean. are you sure you meant it

readmylipstick Would it make you feel better if I said no?

readmylipstick Because it would be great if you weren't upset with me, but like beyond that there isn't really anything I can ask you to do?

readmylipstick So, just do what you think is best?? This is hard.

bythepowerof4 lmao very

bythepowerof4 maybe dont think about whatd make me feel better for a sec??

bythepowerof4 i did or didnt do something obv bc you felt like you couldnt tell me. that thing. and then got all upset

readmylipstick Oh, well...isn't that...how these things go like...I'm not supposed to...be super transparent...

readmylipstick Because the other party's feelings are an unknown!

bythepowerof4 ok if youre joking thats funny if not oh my god oh ok well. yeah

bythepowerof4 im trying to make it less unknown but this is still really hard and i hate it haha?

readmylipstick It's okay though I totally understand! I wasn't expecting you to do anything or feel a certain way, it was just a bunch of drunk blathering because alcohol eliminates my filter! Like, if I was going to breach this subject in the future I probably would have had a lot more tact!

bythepowerof4 its very much um, breached now haha so yeah. im sorry. really

readmylipstick Please don't be! My feelings are silly, and I'm sure I'll get over them! What matter most to me is our friendship, okay?

bythepowerof4 well yes that last part is definitely true but why do you keep doing that first part youre not silly i know i act like youre silly sometimes but thats not good and its not true??

readmylipstick Sure, but saying I'm silly makes it easier.

bythepowerof4 oh dude there are a lot of things that could make this easier but ive been instructed to not do like any of them :/ do i have to tell you youre valid cause i will i swear

readmylipstick Okay, okay! I'm valid! Wait, instructed? By whom?

bythepowerof4 not instructed i just got some advice which i assume is ok cause it also seems like you did the same :p

readmylipstick You can say you told Daisy, I'm not gonna freak out!

bythepowerof4 i didnt!!! i really didnt lol that wouldnt be very nice

readmylipstick Telling Nick is the same as telling Daisy...

bythepowerof4 no it isnt i had this whole talk with them about it once idk i swore him to secrecy you told ai. which is fine except for maybe sending her to talk to me lmao?

readmylipstick I didn't send her at all! I didn't even know she talked to you!

bythepowerof4 oh ok yeah i thought she might have done that herself lmao

bythepowerof4 can we get back to the important thing like how you are so valid and youre feelings matter and i think you need to maybe say them without editing based on what you think i'd say??

readmylipstick Well, I kind of already did that when I was wasted?

bythepowerof4 ok point

bythepowerof4 but feelings dont only matter when youre wasted and i think if u gotta be wasted to say important stuff, which is kind of a pattern now, thats probably

bythepowerof4 bad??

readmylipstick Well, that was an important thing but also an embarrassing thing, so it seemed natural just to keep it quiet?

bythepowerof4 but then like nothing woulda ever happened??? or like with that guy. you know. if you didnt get smashed and weepy and tell me about it would u just have kept it to yourself this whole time?

readmylipstick ...Okay, I see your point.

bythepowerof4 yeah so this was one of the things i was advised not to bring up but i think it might be important

readmylipstick I guess I could stop drinking then?

bythepowerof4 that is an option but there are lots of inbetweeny sort of options and also everything you do is entirely your choice and im not tryna like micromanage ur life!!!

readmylipstick I think there's a term for that, and it's called giving advice, right?

bythepowerof4 well yeah thats what i said!!! but apparently there is a line and apparently i like to cross it so im not gonna like tell you what to do or anything

readmylipstick Well, you don't have to tell me what to, but I think I might need some...help? To change, that is.

readmylipstick Because I don't want to keep making you uncomfortable and whatnot!

bythepowerof4 if you wanna change something cause you wanna change then i'll help you but don't do anything for my sake?? thats making me uncomfortable tbh??

readmylipstick Well, I figured it was a given that I would also be changing to avoid making a complete idiot of myself in the future!!

bythepowerof4 you dont have to though

bythepowerof4 i still like you i dont care if youre an idiot!! also youre not!!!!

readmylipstick Even if I'm not, it would have been nicer to handle rejection with a bit more grace! And, it would have made it better for the BOTH of us!

readmylipstick Is it really that bad that I'm guilty for what was an obvious and terrible screw up? Or that I'm concerned about the impact my actions have had on you? Because, I don't think so!

bythepowerof4 you handled it fine!!! i wasnt graceful either!!! the problem isnt how you handled it its how you told me cause if you told me sooner THEN it wouldve been better for both of us i think you feel guilty for the wrong thing maybe and also rejection is a very strong word can we just soften that

readmylipstick But, it's the truth! And, if I'm not allowed to outrun all my hard truths than you don't get to either! And, even if it's been as a drunk, at least I've been honest with you! Can you say the same? Like, "shrouded in mystery" is a cool look, but I feel like you've never opened up enough about yourself for ME to help YOU!

bythepowerof4 wait

bythepowerof4 no that is absolutely not fair ok just because i dont come to you with freaky magic stalker issues or weird nicholas sparks confessional shit doesnt mean im mysterious ok it just means im normal!!! and i dont need your help!!!

readmylipstick Clea!! Normal doesn't exist!!! And everyone had problems, including you!!!

readmylipstick Sure, I can be extreme. But, I can't remember you venting to be about anything that wasn't totally shallow!! And I know you' you're not a shallow person!

bythepowerof4 im totally shallow!!! and totally normal!!! i know theres the residual not normal of being here but thats not me ok???

bythepowerof4 do you seriously want me to get all big dark secret dnm on you so you can feel less guilty about doing it to me??? because i dont mind ok i promise you dont have to like, repay the favour

readmylipstick Then what would you have me be? Just some girl who cries on your shoulder?? You don't have to blow up like I have, but you could at least share a little bit?? Because, I have questions that I'm afraid to ask because I want to respect your privacy, but that also means you could be in trouble and you're hiding it! Like I was!!

bythepowerof4 of course not ok cause i like you all the time even when youre not crying on my shoulder but im also okay with you crying on my shoulder if you need to? according to some people im too ok with it which is bad but what the fuck ever i dont get in trouble and im an open fcking book and you can ask me anything go on!!! do it!!

readmylipstick Okay well I agree with whomever else you've been talking to (Nick and Daisy). You're too okay with it, especially because you're insisting that I do? Nothing?? In return??? And! If I get to ask a question! Why did you spend all that time in the math department in Spring? I know it wasn't tutoring because you definitely didn't get any better!!

bythepowerof4 im not insisting anything if i needed to cry on a shoulder then yeah sure id hit you up!!! are you calling me dumb???

readmylipstick No! I'm stating a fact!

bythepowerof4 ok well rude i was getting help ok. technically with maths

bythepowerof4 just like. personal maths and maybe getting better but it didnt work so it doesnt matter

readmylipstick Oh. I didn't even know you wanted to get better?

bythepowerof4 what?? why on earth wouldnt i

readmylipstick I don't know? I guess I figured 4D had it's perks?

bythepowerof4 what the fuck sort of perks

readmylipstick Alien senses???

bythepowerof4 not that useful, give me headaches

readmylipstick No one gets in your way on the sidewalk?

bythepowerof4 yeah cause no one wants to fucking touch me

readmylipstick So, it just sucks? All the time?

bythepowerof4 yeah pretty much. i can't just put a hat on and be normal again like some people lmao

bythepowerof4 some people are fine. you make it feel ok cause you think it's neat or whatever but i figured you were savvy enough to figure it wasn't all sunshiney all the time

readmylipstick It's not like putting on a hat just makes it go away, though! I get headaches too, actually! And, it's not like you really have let on that this is something that distresses you...hence my initial concern. But, thank you for sharing. I can't fix the problem, but at least I understand better?

bythepowerof4 well yeah you cant fix it so i didnt need to bother you about it. you getting it

readmylipstick But, I'm still glad you did! Even though I can't do anything to help now, what if one day I meet someone who can? Or at the very least, I can slip you a Tylenol when you need it?

bythepowerof4 no offence cause thats a sweet idea but its absolutely never gonna happen lmao

readmylipstick Why not? I carry around pain killers all the time!

bythepowerof4 i meant the first thing but omg youre such a girl scout thats not mean thats nice like haha i dont care if my head hurts ok its just when it makes other peoples and you cant give tylenol to every single person in the world so its easier to just ignore it when did this become about me also

readmylipstick When I decided we were going to have equality!!

bythepowerof4 itsequality.gif

readmylipstick sent a GIF

Exactly!! And your headaches matter just as much as anyone else's!

bythepowerof4 lmao nice ok but i dont need to tell you every time still lmao!! i can deal its chill and i have shared. are u happy

readmylipstick Happier than I was earlier, yes!

readmylipstick Thank you for sharing!

bythepowerof4 well that's good i guess

bythepowerof4 are we like, good?? is there anything else, while we're being all like, honest and awkward and stuff

readmylipstick Just that...what I said before doesn't change anything about what we've been through together, or anything that will happen later. It's just a thing, and I'll make it not a thing, and then everything can go back to normal!

bythepowerof4 ok. ok yeah for sure im sorry if i was mean about it. you're like you're really great!!! and i care about you a lot duh

bythepowerof4 did i make it weird again im sorry. necessary evil

readmylipstick hehe No that's not weird at all. Because, you know, ditto?

bythepowerof4 lmao yeah!! ditto ditto

bythepowerof4 just don't be embarrassed ok

readmylipstick Well, I'll do my best!

bythepowerof4 your best is absolutely good enough that was really cheesy huh

readmylipstick A little bit. But, I still appreciate it!

bythepowerof4 im glad

readmylipstick I am too!

#youre so valid no YOURE so valid no youre so valid!!#ooc #im #readmylipstick #they're.........still weird :(

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pinksweatergettingbetter · 8 years ago

Text

//siblings bein’ siblings :’)

boy theyre really piling on the dick with roger. and yet, it somehow feels kinda forced. not quite as goofy-forced as ‘matt swirl my brandy and show off my scratched eye engarde’ but still...

he’s so obnoxious that i wanna hold up a hand like “chill, chill, youre the villain, you dont have to try so hard. yeesh.”

In spite of everything, it's still (Tr)u(cy)

Did Godot also ghost write the gramarye creed?? We didn't need this man

I love that she's "magical girl Trucy"

That is a HUGE ASS SWORD. Trucy must be ripped to balance that shit with one hand

(Cries) the judge bravo’d her my heart

And Apollo asks her to be careful I fhfhfhggg

JUDGE! Don't call her a butt!! - Bonny: a fan of mine took some footage of the me in the show. It's kind of creepy but it might help.

Me: ok well it can't be any creepier than the normal show footage which focuses on her quite a bit anyway---

(Footage is shot from backstage)

Me: BODYGUARD. DEMAND A BODYGUARD IN UOUR NEXT CONTRACT.DO NOT PERFORM WITHOUT ONE.

"What a waste of time"

I know, sadmad, it is a waste of time hinting And blabbing on when the contradiction is SO PAINFULLY OBVIOUS

To this games credit, I actually looked thru the footage to check for the edit and it's actually there. You can see the screen skip ever so slightly. I mean it's a little improbable that Trucy was still in the same position after twirling but that's a neat little detail. Not bad, SOJ, not bad at all.

- (Snerk) sexy pan up shot for mr retinz

- I know everyone loves the 'what's crackalackin homie" line but it stinks of pandering to me

It's like mr grossberg saying his hemerhoids were doing the Harlem shake. But I don't even think they were referencing the meme back then.

Also something about the way they write Nahyuta feels like the equivalent of a foreign character saying "it is-- 'ow you say..."

Burger barn sounds like the shittiest restaurant on earth. I wonder if it was the Ramen Ranch in the Japanese version...

"It's pretty long so I'll just show you the part with.." OHHH NO. We learned our lesson in dual destinies. We watch ALL the footage, damn it.

That must be Trucy! ... Six seconds after she runs in the opposite direction, also shown rising up into the rafters. ‘kay. Sounds legit. Prosecutor sadmad, please call me a moron and threaten more insignificant reincarnations...

"It threatens to disrupt the karmic course of this case" You mean it's so bullshit that you're obviously going to lose, right? It's ok, you can just come right out and say it. Nobody will mock you.

huh. retinz just called sadmad ‘pretty boy’

gee whiz guess theyre gay for each other now. c’mon fandom work your magic.

I'm starting to really not know what the victim’s last rights actually are. could you be a lil more clear on that sadmad

“My OBJECTION.... is NOT FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENT!!!”

but it sure is for mine [snicker]

also gr8 excuse there, roger

“every industry has its own way of doing things, just as we in the legal profession focus exclusively on evidence and testimony’

really? for some reason i thought you were more interested in The Magic Pool and The Screams of the Condemned.

i can see theyre trying to write sadmad funny but its just not.... funny???

even with roger’s obnoxious persona i find him funnier. his texting sprite is hilarious. he just looks so fuckin pleased with himself.

Lang Zi says... Nahyuta needs a different schtick.

( well this numbskull has a thick skin, so there )

-holds back tears-

phoenix, drunkenly, from the gallery: DEAD PERSON... PUNISHING SOMEONE THROUGH A SURVIVING FAMILY MEMBER..? APOLLO GEDDOWN THE FUCKIN GHOS’S ARE COMING AAAHHH

“not bad for a shitty soap opera twist”

yeesh, that was a very sudden bout of self-loathing from the writers.

poor manov. somehow i feel more sad about his death than the entirety of the victims in DD (apart from Clay that is)

i mean he was just some magician tryna make it big.

(sigh) they tried to do the ‘are you high’ joke again and yet they still dont understand what made it funny in the first place.

“Strange are the karmic threads before me...”

is that Koorahneese for ‘shit, I'm losing!!’

NOW I FEEL EVEN WORSE FOR MANOV

i love when villains do that thing where it’s obviously fucking them and a jury would haul their ass to jail in 2 seconds but since it’s the bench trial system theyre like :3c I'm not admitting to anything! I just revealed something incriminating and suspicious as fuck but since my name isn’t carved into it you cant punish me~~~

im not being sarcastic either, at this point its just funny

apollo: AHH, HOW DID YOU READ MY MIND?!

roger must have assistant’s blood in him; all of them can do it

ohhhh. ohhh. i think. i see how he did it. if so, shit bro; that’s fucked up. but actually a pretty good sneaky murder method, with some pretty good foreshadowing that really stuck in my mind.

Not bad, SOJ. Not bad at all.

‘do you think the audience will let you get away with the twins schtick twice in a row?’

alright writers, your self deprecation is making me a little uncomfortable now.

i like picturing manov’s soul sitting on he judge’s head.

“could you hurry it up? I'm tired of listening to butterfly over there banging on about last rights. i just wanna see retinz get his ass kicked.”

wait did i completely miss something

what the fuck is with the random tuna boat joke

did i miss a reference to it before

is it a joke on turnabout: tuna-boat ??

hang on. is this a half-case?

they did this in dual destinies with the two last ones. i guess they can’t fit five full cases into a game after all... for some reason.

i was right! well done. thats a well written twist. anyway, most importantly:

IM STILL CRYING OVER MANOV. HE DIDNT DESERVE THIS

as much as i appear to like ragging on these games, i really hope the rest of the cases are as good.

sadmad: you f––

writers: [shake heads vigorously and make cut-throat motions]

sadmad: ..! ..uhh... [opens up a thesaurus] dim-witted... ignorant... imbecilic?

writers: [nod and sigh in relief]

sadmad: putrid red pepper.

“just some good old fashioned logic”

oh look at that they just admitted the ‘rethinking the case” mechanic is just an off brand logic rip-off.

wow that was the most over-the-top prosecutor breakdown I've ever seen. how did that even work? physically, i mean

maybe the soul butterfly is getting its revenge

NOO!!! NOT VALANT!!!

also holy shit that was one helluva hallucination. I'd like to think Magnifi was responsible from beyond the grave for one last feat in dickery.

Trucy’s absolutely right and murder is 99% never justified, but Magnifi is heavily implied to be a bag of dicks.

“Wow trucy, i never knew that being the best could be so tough good for your dating life’

“do you think I'm a naive greenhorn?” “No, she's not...”

don't use the ‘smile in spite of everything’ thing, don't use the ‘smile in spite of everything’ thing, don't use the ‘smile in spite of everything’ thing––

Ff fffffuuuuck

god dAMNIT

what is japans obsession with smiling thru shitty times??? its, like, ok to cry when you feel down, you know? its admirable to be strong in times of distress but your worth isn't based solely on how well you can pretend not to feel like shit

why not present that quick-ass thinking she did to get around Bonny’s mistake? THAT is the mark of someone who’s ready to be on stage. somebody who’s ready for any eventuality; that’s the mark of a clever performer. she kept a cool head and let the show go on; thats impressive!!!

get this shoe-horned in shit outta my face.

alright alright... theyre trying to have an emotional moment between siblings. ill calm down... for now.

Apollo: You’ve really changed Edge––– eh h I mean, Nahyuta.

Nahyuta: fuck you.

trucy: you don't like to talk about your past, do you? because you always change the subject!

apollo: its not so much that i don't like to talk about it as that it’s constantly being rewritte–––

[shotgun cocking sound from capcom]

apollo: I-ITS PARTY TIME, ITS PARTY TIME, EVERYBODY’S GETTIN DOWN BECAUSE ITS PARTY TIME

phoenix: you're a full fledged lawyer, apollo

apollo: aww gee thanks

phoenix: do you know the definition of full-fledged, in the bird world

apollo: uh

phoenix: it means they fly the coop. leave the nest. go to a completely different country, shall we say

apollo: ah

phoenix: just putting that out there apropos of nothing.

PHOENIX TALK TO YOUR FUCKING DAUGHTER. CHRIST. shit. sigh.

apollo is now fucking dead, and living up to the title “Spirit of Justice”

#sulking over SOJ #ooc #just a reminder that the reason these are under cuts is the spoiler heavy nature #also because I'm a big whiny mcwhinerson

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t0sshii · 8 years ago

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5-10-17

so i decided to write this post because i’ve been having some things on my mind and i haven’t really been able to get them off my chest

ok let’s backtrack to the beginning of college--last year. i really thought once i hit college it would be a fresh start. i can change who i was. because i didn’t like who i was in high school. too quiet. too shy. awkward when not around friends. i wanted to be like one of my childhood friends. she’s my opposite. outgoing. extra-friendly. everyone she meets loves her instantly.. smart. me? pretty forgettable. introverted. if you meet me the first time, chances are i’ll have to reintroduce myself the second time because i was so quiet the first time.

but freshman year was literally one of the loneliest times in my life. sure, it was great in the beginning: i was roommates with one of my friends from high school and wooo i started dating my boyfriend. it was pretty awesome. i thought i was becoming this new and improved person who had fun and went out to do shit my parents would never let me do back home.

i don’t know what changed? my roommate got new friends and suddenly i realized im the same person i was in high school. i’m not blaming her for making friends, though that’s great. i was honestly glad for her she didn’t have just me to hang out with. not gonna lie, i’m pretty boring. but when she introduced me to these new friends, i become very quiet. awkward. extra boring. uncomfortable. and yeah, that was me in high school whenever i wasn’t with my friends. even if i have a friend there, if i don’t know anyone else, i’m like a fish out of water. i don’t know what to say. my roommate became friends with the people around us in the building and it was pretty awesome for her. me? same old same old. no friends other than my roommate, my boyfriend, and my best friend back home. great.

but yeah, felt extremely alone. i talked to literally no one outside of class. i wanted to hang out with people, but i never went out unless i was invited. or spoke unless i was spoken to. but you know. those never happened because no one knew who i was? it was a bad cycle.

and i felt so lonely i cried on my pasta in the cafeteria and had to run to the church and cry by myself.....more than once.

fast forward to spring semester. i don’t know what changed? i started hanging out with our neighbors since they were the same major as me. i had a class with someone who later became one of my close friends. and i feel really bad for this, but i got so excited, i started to spend more time with them than my roommate. distance between us grew and then i found myself being a fish out of water in my own room. did some very regrettable things and i ended my freshman year as someone i didn’t want to be. and i still haven’t talked to my old roommate about what happened? but apparently everything seems fine? we still talk and say hello. but not as close as we were before. i miss her though.

honestly, without her, my boyfriend, and my friend back home i would have cried in church by myself a lot more than i did.

fall semester of sophomore year. yay. new slate. new roommate, had a great conversation with my old one, starting clinicals, group of friends. it’s going to be awesome. it was. i had all of my classes with one of my friends and it was great. we got closer. and i really felt like i was coming out of my shell. my relationship has been great. my coworkers are pretty cool and it’s fun hanging out with them after staff meetings. sure, i liked my alone time. that’s never going to change, but i really felt like i was becoming a person i want to be. i made friends with a few people in my clinical group. laughed a lot. didn’t cry because i was lonely once. i’m very grateful to my friend because she made me comfortable enough to be more myself. end of fall semester, i was definitely happier.

these are just brief summaries so i can get to the present lol

and now this semester. i had clinicals with my friend and my roommate which was awesome. honestly, i wouldn’t be as open without them. i became closer with my roommate too because we had all our classes together. relationship is still awesome (he still makes me happy. butterflies still there. ew gross. ok stop being cheesy). i can say “hi” to a lot more people than i did freshman year that’s for sure.

but i feel like i’m becoming the person i was freshman year again. i’m starting to rely on my roommate, my boyfriend, and my friend back home (who i literally text all times of the day) for my needed doses of human interaction. like night skype with my boyfriend is what i look forward too.

the above things themselves aren’t bad. in fact, they’re great! it’s nice to have supports to fall back on and people who are there for you. and people who love you. and i’m really lucky they’re in my life.

but idk. i feel like i should be hanging out with more people, too? like work more on becoming this super outgoing person that i want to be? but i really just want to stay in bed and do nothing all the fucking time. and it’s so annoying because there’s one part of me that wants to leave and go out and have fun and live like every single day. and then there’s the other part that wants to say no to invites, stay indoors, cuddle my stuffed sloth, lie down, and stay that way. what’s wrong with me haha

but yeah. friends have other friends. but me? still keep within the friend group and work group. sure, i talk to some other people, but it’s like acquaintance talk? i don’t know. i thought i was changing. but i guess i’m not. i don’t really even go out anymore except for fridays with my roommate--which are fun, i look forward to them. she’s a great person to be around and we laugh a lot together.

should be fine right? i have friends at least. i love my roommate. i love my boyfriend. i can’t wait to go home to hang out with my fiends back home. so what’s the problem? why do i still feel lonely sometimes? i shouldn’t. i reaaaallllyyyyy shouldn’t.

i’m becoming a fish out of water again. and it sucks. so much. because someone told me that they wish people got to know me more because i’m actually? pretty? cool? i guess? i wish more people got to know me more too. but clinicals is over and i feel like i’m missing out on my chance for some really good friends in that group because i need years to fucking open up or whatever. i just feel like i’m missing out because i still can’t hold a conversation and i have this tendency to overthink my conversations after they happen.

and i’m scared of having to start all over again with a new group. and this time no friends to use as an anchor. and i know it shouldn’t even be a problem because i’m going to clinicals to learn. still. the anxiety is there.

i just want to be one of those people who smile a lot and can have a conversation with literally anyone and can meet new people and not have to mentally prepare conversations in their head.

none of this made sense my bad. i can’t put my feelings into words really well--still tryna figure out how to describe how i’m feeling? still have more to say so look forward (or not?) to more posts. honestly, i think i just sound like a little baby who makes a big deal out of nothing.

i guess we all go through rough patches. to quote heathers: “if you were happy all the time, you wouldn’t be human. you’d be a gameshow host.”

but yeah. other than that. semester’s been great. HESI got me fucked up though. idk.

i know i don’t really sound happy in this post, but actually am. like in this point in my life i’d rate my happiness like.... 7/10. this stuff is mostly late night thoughts, or back of my mind thinking i try to suppress. like don’t worry about me, guys. other than this stuff i’m fine :)

p.s. i'm very thankful my boyfriend, roommates (old and current), and my friends back home, and friends here for keeping me (somewhat?) sane and laughing. cause i forget negativity when i’m with them.

#meri speaks #i don't know?#i don't know how to sort out feelings #my feelings are a mess and i dont know why?#why am i like this #ugh #frustrating myself #honestly #i'm just trash really

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survivorsolomonislands · 8 years ago

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Episode 1 Part 1 "Hit the Ground Walking” - Matt

YALL IM FUCKING SCREWED!!! I don’t think Karen likes me that much - she’s close with Linus. Who by the way has me blocked on facebook. So I pretty much have no options on this tribe and I’m completely fucking fucked. I’m just gonna try to band together with people who don’t talk as much and aren’t all that outspoken and aren’t cliquey and work with them to save myself bc RN!!! im looking like first boot!!!

give me like 10 idols now

oh so now you guys put a link up while ive been talking to myself for the past 2 hours.

i’m going to stab everyone with this machete and the only person who can stop me is on the other tribe (jk i love everyone here except for like the one person who hasnt responded to me yet)

“if you know how i feel then why would you say that like you put me in such an uncomfortable situation like you know I’m not happy” how this freak win all the games lately

so it’s crazy johnny is in this game and i have him blocked i hate myself huh? and monty is talking to me and ryan is so i hope i am good with this tribe i am nervous, but ready.

Oh wow. Im-back-bitches.gif. So this tribe is something else. There Karen Lexi and RTP and Karen wants us to make a solid four, but I can count and that leaves 6 people out, and 6>4 so we need at least one if not two more people. My picks are chrissa because I have a good relationship with her already, and then maybe Mitchell because we’ve been talking the most. And then if Lexi know Zachariah then that’s another one. Beyond that, there’s Dana and some other people who I can’t remember 🙃 I know I’ve been talking to one of them but idk who that is and I don’t have the energy tonight to figure it out lol.

So basically the plan for the next few days until I get back to the us is to build groundwork relationships and try to find a solid 6 to stay with until a swap or merge.

Star- They still haven’t come online and I am hoping that they are painfully inactive so we have an excuse to vote someone out first!

Johnny- Haven’t talked to him but at least he has accepted my contact request and like said he wouldn’t be here. He is a frat guy and some of these people are not who frat guys would typically hang out with so he might be an outsider

L.A.- I wanted to work with her since I saw her intro she is super chill and seems really smart I like her A LOT! If I am making an alliance she will be in it

Kaya- She’s super sweet and honestly a little angel I love her so much

Luca- Really annoying but seems to like me. He is an experienced orger so who knows maybe he’ll be in my alliance also He’s talked to Kaya a lot

Lily- I know she can beast a comp so she needs to stay on my good side. She is one of the experienced newbies and she is aware of how I play at least a little bit so I am not sure how long I want her here

Aromal- Nice guy! Kept asking me questions about everything which was sweet because it makes me seem like a good person and that im looking out for him!. Honestly his time zone might be an issue but if I stay up super late and search for an idol I can blame it on him because that will be in the middle of the day for him

Allie- She is a little SWEETHEART I LOVE HER SO MUCH! She seems super innocent nd like honestly someone I’d want to have under my wing She’s a newbie and I feel like she will be loyal to me since I talked to her right away and am helping her get used to this

Daisy- Shes gorgeous and I enjoy her company but not someone I am loyal too yet, She seems a little suspicious and kinda distant because she left me on read!

My general strategy is to align with the newbies who haven’t played orgs ever. From what I’ve noticed Lily and Daisy aren’t super strong socially so If I can get L.A. Kaya Luca and Allie all together it will be a strong alliance of 5 and I can keep them on the outside. Hopeuflly star isn’t here so we can vote them out first like easy vote, but if they arrive super late I might as well talk to them a lot to make them feel safe and be the first person to reach out to them. I love the tribe so much and I hope it isn’t chaotic, but I am going to play for sure, I want to form an alliance and start to get things rolling

Welp! I guess i’m fuckin back here to ruin my life again!

I’m starting off the same way I started off in Malaysia - forming good relationships with people. And while that may have unknowingly landed me into a minority, the relationships I formed still allowed me to pretty successful and arguably run the table during the pre-merge, setting myself up for a perfect post-merge run that was only ruined by… Applebee’s.

The one thing I should’ve done was parlayed those early relationships into more tangible early alliances. Jenn and Jimmy wouldn’t have voted Kendall out if they didn’t have an early alliance with, and inherent trust in, Isabelle; that was my undoing, and I aim to rectify that. Let’s see who we’ve talked to so far. There’s Ryan; we were talking a lot about stuff, and I feel like we’ve easily got the foundation there for a strategic allegiance. He’s confided in me that he’s worried about his position on this tribe given his history with some of these players; I can either utilize that to my advantage and make him a number, or he could be an easy third first boot. I don’t want him to be a first boot because I feel like I can work with him, but it’s good to have options.

Zakriah is probably the person I’ve talked to the most after that. We’ve got a lot of similar thoughts on Survivor and we’ve clicked really well, so I think we could easily work together strategically. She seems like she’d be a lot of fun to bop with throughout this game. She did, though, like Ryan, confide in me that she’s worried about her position in the game, given that Linus has her blocked on Facebook; another situation that leaves me with options, which is good.

Speaking of Linus, we’ve been speaking a fair amount and have reasonably bonded to some extent. I like him, and I hope that he and Zakriah don’t end up going against each other. I’ve also been talking to Dana a similar amount, and think that we’re good with each other for now, at least in terms of forging early relationships. Monty and I haven’t spoken a terrific amount, but I’m optimistic about that relationship as well.

I don’t know Karen or Lexi that well coming into this, but we’ve played games together before when they were honorary members of the Malaysia reunion chat, so there’s some familiarity there. I think I’d rather work with Lexi than Karen, but I’ll take whatever I can get. I’m disappointed in myself for failing to capitalize on these relationships more than I have to this point, but I can amend that moving forward.

I tried talking with Chrissa and she kind of just disappeared so… you’re my first boot choice :)

And Matt… the kid’s weird! It’s like picking teeth talking with him because he responds in very curt answers that make conversing difficult. But I think we actually get along and might be aligned???? But I’ve got nO FUCKIN CLUE LMFAO I honestly don’t know whether he ever means anything he’s saying and it’s just… we’re gonna watch this boy.

As for the fans I just want to fuck up the frat boy as soon as I can lmfao anybody who says that “I’m probably more unique than anyone you have seen before” makes me wanna vomit and ima laugh when I whoop his ass

I’m gonna fuck shit up :) let’s do this binches

Whew! This cast (my tribe atleast) is pretty social right off the bat. I think I’m off to a decent start, but as it stands I’m still terrified of being first boot. Alright so mini cast assessment

Jacob - Easily the most social so far. I would bet my left pinky that he has sucked up to everyone so far. He’s sweet but he seems like the type that will pretend to be your best friend then backstab you once you’re a liability to him. Good gameplay to get to the end but won’t get the jury.

Luca - My fav so far. He seems like a guy I would hate on paper but he’s super charming and likable. I would bet on him going far.

Kaya - She’s okay, we have something in similar in that we both feel like fish outta water so I might align with her.

Johnny - yikes @ that intro

Lily - sweet, likable

Zakriah - Omg so Zak is one of my best friends in the Wikia ORG community and I cant wait to meet up with him if we both make to the swap.

Linus - Another friend from the Wikia community ! Linus and Zak have a love-hate (mostly hate) relationship so its gonna be interesting to see if they work it out.

So right off the bat I feel like I hit the ground walking I guess. I’m trying to take things slow and kinda get to know people but so far there’s so many people and they honestly seem indistinguishable. I definitely need to get my ass in an alliance sooner than later though and I’m tryna work with Chrissa rn and just get meself some numbers. Wish me luck.

https://youtu.be/1TPDpOdcaP4

Ok so I am going to try and work on something in this game that I feel like I usually fail at. And its my social game. I feel like my social game is generally pretty good for pre-merge it fails once we hit merge. I want to really get some strong relationships on this tribe before a swap or merge happens. My only roadblocks are Karen and Lexi. I know both of them already and I feel like me working on my social game with them is just going to come off fake, plus I don’t know if they actually want to work with me or not. Let’s see how this goes. Right off the back I feel like I hit it off with Mitchell. He is someone I could see going far into this game with. We have similar senses of humor and were immediately talking a lot last night. He seems to be nervous about his perception as well so he could be someone I work with well i that regard. Also y'all really cast some all stars when the first thing chrissa said to me was that she was nervous to be in a game with steffen again….hun….pls

So when the Idol thing came up OBVIOUSLY I wanted to go hunting bc unlike Malaysia I didn’t have to search tumblr tags like “suicide” and “depression” to find safety… BUT having other people know I might be searching was a big no-no for me.

So what I DID do was stay up late, tell everyone I was going to bed, and then about half an hour later I went searching for the Idol. There were only two people up to begin with it seemed - I would’ve preferred it if there had been nobody - but I don’t think anyone suspects me. I didn’t find it, but that doesn’t matter so long as nobody thinks that I had anything to do with this. There’s always the chance that it backfired and that people DO think it was me but… I don’t know about thaaaaaaaaaat.

For one, by the time I woke up, Ryan told me that both Matt and Chrissa were interested in an alliance with him and myself. That’s good in and of itself, but Chrissa was one of the two people awake during my sneaky shenanigans - I don’t think she’d want to work with me if she knew I was super sneaky!! And Dana was talking to me about it, and I pretended like I didn’t even know someone had gone. “WHAT???? Someone looked for an IDOL??? No WAY!!!” My relationship to this point with Dana is painting myself like an emotional and stressed wreck so that she can relate to me and that she would underestimate me; based on the way I’ve portrayed myself to Dana thus far and my claims that an Idol search like this is way too stressful for me, I’d wager that she would bet it wasn’t me.

I could always end up looking like a fool but I thought this scheme was so fun and so far it looks like it’s working!! The only way to make it better would be to stir up some mistrust between the others about who it could’ve been. I’ll regret it if I’m first boot but I’m fuckin dancin rn :~)

So someone is looking for the idol already… interesting. It’s easy to cancel out the people who were speaking in the tribe chat a few minutes after the idol is being looked for, which is good. I could easily go into my tribe chat and explain it to people that if we all just write in our tribe chat, it’ll help to cancel people out who AREN’T looking for the idol, but I’m not gonna pull that card just yet. Let’s see if it becomes an issue. Looking for the idol on day one probably won’t get a lot of people a lot of luck. There are bound to be clues along the way, and hopefully I can snag some of those, but I’m sure already some of those items on the boat had clues in them, or even punishments, but it seems like I didn’t get either of those since I haven’t been notified about anything

oops too late

I couldn’t even control myself LMFAO

Honestly, I don’t know why I enroll myself into these games. I hate talking to people, but I still have to do it, even though I know most of these people just lay on their asses all the time and do nothing, so I don’t know how I’m going to compete when I actually have legitimate responsibilities besides going to high school for 6 hours a day and then laying on their asses for the other 18

https://youtu.be/xc0XCUl3Pfo

Well the survivor train is officially leaving the station, I have assembled my first alliance with Chrissa, Mitchell, and Ryan. Of course Chrissa will be my number one, I mean she shared her clue with me without me even asking like that’s my kind of ally. I was kind of hoping I could work with Karen this time around but RIP it already seems like I may have started throwing her under the bus, she just made the mistake of saying she was friends with Nigel and people noticed that and I’m not gonna put my neck on the line for her. Sorry? I am for sure playing to win this game, I don’t just wanna be on this train I wanna be the mofucking conductor.

g o d I don’t wanna be that person but I absolutely hate that RPDR has to be involved with the challenge. I hate how closely it’s intertwined with the TS community, and I can never stand hearing about it. Like… I always feel like I’m overreacting, but the whole concept just seems so transphobic (not to mention that RuPaul himself IS transphobic as hell), and it just doesn’t feel like an accepting community when something like that gets discussed so often. And I always hate talking about it because I always feel like I’m just overreacting, and… hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I just wish that people would realize how inherently harmful it is towards trans girls, and that it creates and fuels the stereotype that trans girls are just men in dresses and makeup. Because that’s what the dr*g q***ns on the show are. And I know this is probably not the kinda thing to put in confessionals but? Whatever, I need somewhere to put it and discourse will start if I put it in tribe chat or on my Tumblr blog.

I tried to help out in this challenge despite not knowing what tumblr is even though I’m a returning player and my entire life was came at so hard so I’m just gonna…..not

I’m the absolute worst and have completely forgotten to give a confessional this whole time so I’m probably gonna get a shitty edit oops. Anyway I’m really tired right now so I’m not sure if what I’m gonna say will make sense but a lot has happened so far I guess. I created a core alliance which includes me, Luca, Jacob and LA. They’re all super nice people and I’m hoping I can go far with them in the game. Some of the people on my tribe I just haven’t connected well with and I’m having trouble talking to them. Also Jacob told me he searched for an idol, which is crazy information that I posses, but I trust him so far so of course I’m not gonna tell anyone. I’m still a little bit confused about somethings but I’m a lot less confused then I was at the start. Also I’m not sure what 90% of the things Isaac say are because he always deletes his messages lmao.

So I accidentally forgot that Star was on our tribe because he never talks, oops. Anyway I tried personal messaging him and asked him if he’s found any interesting posts for our challenge and he said not really. I’m not sure if he’s just shy and confused or if its that he doesn’t want to try but whatever. Anyway I’m gonna be kinda pissed if we loose this challenge because like I’ve accidentally ran into way too much furry porn while searching through these tags.

It’s the third day and I still haven’t done one of these, so I figured I might as well start. This has been a really fun start to the season, the tribe seems really chill and laid back and I feel I’m getting along with a few people. Am I in a good position in the tribe? It’s too early to say. Right now I’m still just focusing on getting to know my fellow castaways!

Possibly the people I’ve been talking to the most are Kaya and Jacob. They’re really nice, and we’re also in an alliance with LA together. I really feel this has a high chance at succeeding.

The odd one out seems to be Star. He seems completely uninvolved and in case we get to tribal, my vote will probably go on him.

But yeah, fun tribe, fun start, and I’m looking to do as well as possible.

So you know how people are always like “I just wanna meet new people and have fun” and how I always say that? I feel like I am actually doing that. This challenge is mindless so it requires no real effort. I have been spending my time trying to make bonds with these people I didn’t know before and it is so much fun! I am legitimately enjoying my time in this game so far.

#thequeenstaysqueen

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