#..boring people STOP giving writing advice challenge

[jennrypan]

People's beef with descriptions make me wanna shriek.

"Pinkette doesn't exist" "what does his eyes darkened even mean lol"

YOURE FUCKING BORING !!!! FUCK!!!

[burntoutdaydreamer]

Things That May Be Causing Your Writer's Block- and How to Beat Them

I don't like the term 'Writer's Block' - not because it isn't real, but because the term is so vague that it's useless. Hundreds of issues all get lumped together under this one umbrella, making writer's block seem like this all-powerful boogeyman that's impossible to beat. Worse yet, it leaves people giving and receiving advice that is completely ineffective because people often don't realize they're talking about entirely different issues.

In my experience, the key to beating writer's block is figuring out what the block even is, so I put together a list of Actual Reasons why you may be struggling to write:

(note that any case of writer's block is usually a mix of two or more)

Perfectionism (most common)

What it looks like:

You write one sentence and spend the next hour googling "synonyms for ___"

Write. Erase. Write. Rewrite. Erase.

Should I even start writing this scene when I haven't figured out this one specific detail yet?

I hate everything I write

Cringing while writing

My first draft must be perfect, or else I'm a terrible writer

Things that can help:

Give yourself permission to suck

Keep in mind that nothing you write is going to be perfect, especially your first draft

Think of writing your first/early drafts not as writing, but sketching out a loose foundation to build upon later

People write multiple drafts for a reason: write now, edit later

Stop googling synonyms and save that for editing

Write with a pen to reduce temptation to erase

Embrace leaving blank spaces in your writing when you can't think of the right word, name, or detail

It's okay if your writing sucks. We all suck at some point. Embrace the growth mindset, and focus on getting words on a page

Lack of inspiration (easiest to fix)

What it looks like:

Head empty, no ideas

What do I even write about???

I don't have a plot, I just have an image

Want to write but no story to write

Things that can help:

Google writing prompts

If writing prompts aren't your thing, instead try thinking about what kind of tropes/genres/story elements you would like to try out

Instead of thinking about the story you would like to write, think about the story you would like to read, and write that

It's okay if you don't have a fully fleshed out story idea. Even if it's just an image or a line of dialogue, it's okay to write that. A story may or may not come out of it, but at least you got the creative juices flowing

Stop writing. Step away from your desk and let yourself naturally get inspired. Go for a walk, read a book, travel, play video games, research history, etc. Don't force ideas, but do open up your mind to them

If you're like me, world-building may come more naturally than plotting. Design the world first and let the story come later

Boredom/Understimulation (lost the flow)

What it looks like:

I know I should be writing but uugggghhhh I just can'tttttt

Writing words feels like pulling teeth

I started writing, but then I got bored/distracted

I enjoy the idea of writing, but the actual process makes me want to throw my laptop out the window

Things that can help:

Introduce stimulation: snacks, beverages, gum, music such as lo-fi, blankets, decorate your writing space, get a clickity-clackity keyboard, etc.

Add variety: write in a new location, try a new idea/different story for a day or so, switch up how you write (pen and paper vs. computer) or try voice recording or speech-to-text

Gamify writing: create an arbitrary challenge, such as trying to see how many words you can write in a set time and try to beat your high score

Find a writing buddy or join a writer's group

Give yourself a reward for every writing milestone, even if it's just writing a paragraph

Ask yourself whether this project you're working on is something you really want to be doing, and be honest with your answer

Intimidation/Procrastination (often related to perfectionism, but not always)

What it looks like:

I was feeling really motivated to write, but then I opened my laptop

I don't even know where to start

I love writing, but I can never seem to get started

I'll write tomorrow. I mean next week. Next month? Next month, I swear (doesn't write next month)

Can't find the time or energy

Unreasonable expectations (I should be able to write 10,000 words a day, right????)

Feeling discouraged and wondering why I'm even trying

Things that can help:

Follow the 2 min rule (or the 1 paragraph rule, which works better for me): whenever you sit down to write, tell yourself that you are only going to write for 2 minutes. If you feel like continuing once the 2 mins are up, go for it! Otherwise, stop. Force yourself to start but DO NOT force yourself to continue unless you feel like it. The more often you do this, the easier it will be to get started

Make getting started as easy as possible (i.e. minimize barriers: if getting up to get a notebook is stopping you from getting started, then write in the notes app of your phone)

Commit to a routine that will work for you. Baby steps are important here. Go with something that feels reasonable: every day, every other day, once a week, twice a week, and use cues to help you remember to start. If you chose a set time to write, just make sure that it's a time that feels natural to you- i.e. don't force yourself to writing at 9am every morning if you're not a morning person

Find a friend or a writing buddy you can trust and talk it out or share a piece of work you're proud of. Sometimes we just get a bit bogged down by criticism- either internal or external- and need a few words of encouragement

The Problem's Not You, It's Your Story (or Outline (or Process))

What it looks like:

I have no problems writing other scenes, it's just this scene

I started writing, but now I have no idea where I'm going

I don't think I'm doing this right

What's an outline?

Drowning in documents

This. Doesn't. Make. Sense. How do I get from this plot point to this one?!?!?! (this ColeyDoesThings quote lives in my head rent free cause BOY have I been there)

Things That Can Help:

Go back to the drawing board. Really try to get at the root of why a scene or story isn't working

A part of growing as a writer is learning when to kill your darlings. Sometimes you're trying to force an idea or scene that just doesn't work and you need to let it go

If you don't have an outline, write one

If you have an outline and it isn't working, rewrite it, or look up different ways to structure it

You may be trying to write as a pantser when you're really a plotter or vice versa. Experiment with different writing processes and see what feels most natural

Study story structures, starting with the three act structure. Even if you don't use them, you should know them

Check out Ellen Brock on YouTube. She's a professional novel editor who has a lot of advice on writing strategies for different types of writers

Also check out Savage Books on YouTube (another professional story editor) for advice on story structure and dialogue. Seriously, I cannot recommend this guy enough

Executive Dysfunction, Usually From ADHD/Autism

What it looks like:

Everything in boredom/understimulation

Everything in intimidation/procrastination

You have been diagnosed with and/or have symptoms of ADHD/Autism

Things that can help:

If you haven't already, seek a diagnosis or professional treatment

Hire an ADHD coach or other specialist that can help you work with your brain (I use Shimmer; feel free to DM me for a referral)

Seek out neurodiverse communities for advice and support

Try body doubling! There's lot's of free online body doubling websites out there for you to try. If social anxiety is a barrier, start out with writing streams such as katecavanaughwrites on Twitch

Be aware of any sensory barriers that may be getting in the way of you writing (such as an uncomfortable desk chair, harsh lighting, bad sounds)

And Lastly, Burnout, Depression, or Other Mental Illness

What it looks like:

You have symptoms of burnout or depression

Struggling with all things, not just writing

It's more than a lack of inspiration- the spark is just dead

Things that can help:

Forget writing for now. Focus on healing first.

Seek professional help

If you feel like it, use writing as a way to explore your feelings. It can take the form of journaling, poetry, an abstract reflection of your thoughts, narrative essays, or exploring what you're feeling through your fictional characters. The last two helped me rediscover my love of writing after I thought years of depression had killed it for good. Just don't force yourself to do so, and stop if it takes you to a darker place instead of feeling cathartic

[screeching-bunny]

may i request a yandere god/angel? The idea of something so pure..the one thing you have faith in is actually the thinkg keeping u trapped in their obsession bubble is so appealing to me. having no hope left anymore. just them <3

Yandere! God Hcs

Warnings: Obsessive Behavior, Yandere Thoughts, Bad Writing, Stalking, Possessive Behavior, Reader is Referred as ‘You’

🌟 Yandere! God embodies profound wisdom and possesses knowledge beyond mortal comprehension. They have a mysterious aura and speak in riddles, often challenging his followers to seek enlightenment and often confusing the hell out of them. He’s very unpredictable and playful. He finds joy in playful interactions and enjoys surprising their followers with unexpected twists while they worship him. He lives for drama and will one hundred percent mislead his followers.

🌟 Yandere! God is starstruck when he first sees you. He can’t believe that such a cutie is worshiping him and is such a devoted follower. Any prayer that you wish for, he immediately tries to make it become a reality. Since he’s an all powerful god, you can best believe that he will misuse his powers when it comes to you. What’s this? You met a cute guy at work and flirted with him? Well too bad he got struck by lightning five times and died on the spot. Truly unfortunately. He’ll do his best to isolate you from your friends and family. You’ll be so lost that the only thing you can do is just pray to him whenever you can. The thought of this has him kicking his feet up in the air and twirling his hair.

🌟 Yandere! God plans out exactly how and when you guys will finally meet in person. After watching you for many hours he wants this moment to be as perfect as possible. He makes sure to be as dramatic and extra as possible, revealing himself in a very flashy way. Some lightning here and there and some cool looking smoke for his entrance. One day your just praying to him and poof he’s out in front of you.

“WHAT THE— WHO ARE YOU?!?���

“Some people want to meet me, some people don’t believe me, and some people claim to be me. I am…?”

“OH MY GOSH YOU’RE BATMAN?!?!”

“Yes it is— WAIT NO!!!”

🌟 Yandere! God eventually stops speaking in riddles around you because of your inability to get the correct answer. It’s just the only way that he can communicate with you properly and have you understand what he’s saying. Don’t worry though he still loves you nonetheless even if you are a total airhead. He will, however, personally tutor you if it ever really comes down to it. He still speaks in riddles to everyone else but you.

🌟 Yandere! God enjoys watching you pray to him. You view him as someone to look up to and ask about life questions. He makes sure to manipulate you by giving you advice that causes you to become a social outcast to the rest of the world. Who needs friends or a lover when you have him? Whenever his servants hear him say these things to you they just side eye him. They don’t try to do anything about it though because there’s no stopping him when it comes to love.

🌟 Yandere! God uses his followers as entertainment. They’re like his own personal reality tv show that he can control whenever he wants. He loves dropping random things on them and watching them freak out about it. Do you remember the time when a bunch of archeologists dug up an ancient rock with diamonds around it? Yeah, that was his badly made art craft that he threw away years ago. Do you also remember that hurricane that nearly destroyed a country a few months ago? Yeah that was also him, he just accidentally sneezed in the wrong direction that day. His followers believe that anything he does has a meaning behind it. Those natural disasters that have been happening recently must be a test from him. When in reality it was just you messing around with the weather because you we bored.

🌟 Yandere! God would make a new flower and name it after you. His love for you is infinite and would like to spend all of eternity with you. When you first met him you thought that he was supposed to be a generous and pure being. It was because of this thought that you never really saw his advances towards you as romantic. You just brushed these thoughts off and thought you were crazy for even thinking this was. When he found out what you were thinking he nearly ripped his hair off.

🌟 Yandere! God uses the idea of enlightenment to forever trap you by his side. Ditch all the people that you once knew and live with him. This is the only way for you to reach your full potential. People are just vial and disgusting so just jump right into his arms. He’s honestly so good a gaslighting that you don’t even question him and just do exactly what he says. To him it’s almost comical but he couldn’t be prouder of you. If you ever tried to gaslight him it wouldn’t work. I mean you can’t out gaslight the original gaslighter. He was literally the blueprint.

🌟 Yandere! God is terrible at cooking. This is understandable because he is a god and doesn’t need to consume food in order to survive. You, however, do need it. He tries his best to cook food for you but whenever you eat his food you always get food poisoning and need to run to the toilet. He always looks so proud when handing you the dishes that he made that you don’t have the heart to tell him that you don’t want it. So you usually just suck it up and shove it right down your throat.

🌟 Yandere! God is aware that you are a mortal and will one day die. So he tries various ways to make you immortal whether you like it or not. The thought of you dying just pains him and he’d do anything to prevent it from happening. He would destroy and sacrifice the entire universe if it meant that you’d be safe with him. Being with him is so suffocating. He’s like a clingy dog that always bites for attention. There is honestly no quiet moment where you get to be alone in your own thoughts because he is always watching you.

[corvis-crimson]

Basic Writing Advice

Take everything said with a grain of salt because this is just what I do…not what everyone should do

I’d like to give writing advice to people as someone who has written stories since I could pick up a pencil. However, I’m realizing a lot of my advice may not work for everyone…

Despite this I will be posting this post anyway!

Make your rough draft good enough that spelling and grammar aside…you could feasibly send it out into the world! Then go back and fix things that need fixing!

The best way to know if something needs fixed is to have someone else read it! If they don’t understand what’s going on you need to elaborate more!

If you feel like you’re using too much detail or too many words try using bigger words in place of two to three smaller words!

Act out scenes in your book as you write them and be aware of how you do things! Watch how others do things and emulate that! Study people! It’s the only way to write movement well…

For that first draft focus only on getting it to sound good and flow well! Fix grammar the second time through!

Aim to write ten pages a day then get upset when you don’t do that! Guilt yourself into writing close to ten pages a day until your book is finished! You’ll be upset you keep not reaching your goal that you’ll be determined to reach the ten page mark and by the time you start reaching it your book is almost done! It’s a life hack to completing your book under your own nose!

Dont focus on one project by itself unless you think you can get it out in six months or less (what I did with my first ever book linked in my pinned post)

If you’re a reader like me don’t read any books while you’re writing (I know it’s hard but trust me I got way more done when I wasn’t reading) if you must read at least read something from a different genre!

Write in chronological order and make a bullet point list for your plot chapter by chapter if you must! You can go off path but so long as it you make it to the next bullet point you’re good!

Do not pigeon hole yourself into one genre!! You’ll get bored of it if you don’t challenge yourself!

Write for yourself and don’t be afraid to take inspiration from things! So long as you aren’t copying things word for word and so long as you aren’t stealing characters or plots ITS FINE! It’s great actually!! (Think of it this way…I am a HUGE zombie movie fan and just because there are already a lot of zombie movies out there in the world when a new one comes out I will definitely watch it! Not only will I watch it but I won’t care if it’s similar to another zombie movie I enjoyed!)

Get the words out of your head it doesn’t matter how! If writing scrawled words you can barely read across notebook paper gets them out then do it! Don’t let your story die!

If you let anything sit for over a year and it has less than five pages go ahead and re-write those pages! Start fresh from the beginning because you’ll never be in the mindset you were in when you first wrote it again!

If time was a social construct and the human body could withstand lack of sleep, water, and food…if locked in a cell with nothing else to do but write the ideal thing to do would be to push through and write the entire thing in one setting! Get that shit out of your head before it drives you insane! Since the human body does need sleep, water, and food I suggest writing as much as you physically can before stopping! The only reason I’ve ever finished a book was because I wrote the first twenty or so pages in one sitting!

Re-read your book until the thought of looking at it again gives you a headache! It’s the only way to catch all the mistakes…(side note: when combing through the interior of your book don’t make the mistake of slacking on your cover thinking you are now invincible…you’ll make a mistake)

As your book nears its final chapters go ahead and design the cover! Select a style and a theme to match your books contents! Amazon cover designer has great covers but I recommend taking a photo for your cover! (At a later date I will make a post about cover design etc)

Taking breaks is good but taking longer breaks is bad! Get some water, get some tea, some koolaid, a pitcher of lemonade?! Whatever floats your boat! Set it next to you and when you’re stuck pour a glass and have a drink! I call this “Drink and Think” and something about pouring the drink into the glass and taking a sip helps refresh my brain!

[zuppizup]

do you have any tips you'd like to offer for fanfic writing? your fanfics are amazing snd and i just dont know how you do it

Oh Nonny, honestly you are just way too kind. I really don’t know what tips I can give because honestly, I don’t really know what I’m doing but I shall try. 😅

Writing absolutely is not my day job (far from it) and I have no formal training in it. I just kinda muddle my way through. I really appreciate your kind words though, so I’ll try and share some things I’ve found helpful in my fanfic writing journey.

Write - yep, it’s boring and you hear it all the time but practice makes, well, better. Week to week, month to month, and year to year I see improvement in my writing and so much of that is down to writing… just writing. Not all of it is fit to be seen, but challenging myself by writing often (I try to write something ever day, even if it’s just a thought or a line of dialogue that strikes me) honestly feels like the number one way my writing has improved over the years.

Actively reading stuff I enjoy. So if a fic or a piece of media really grabs me, makes me feel emotional and captivated I try and dissect that. What about it caught my interest? Was it the the character development or the descriptions, world building or how the creator built atmosphere and tension? It’s not about trying to emulate a work you admire, but learning what about it you like and enjoy and seeing how you can adapt that to your particular style.

Writing what you want to read. For me this is a major thing. I write the stories I am interested in. I fundamentally write for me, and so it’s easier to focus and get drawn in by a story because I want to see how it ends. It’s absolutely wonderful if other people are interested in what I write (and publish… coz a lot of it sits on my hard drive…) but I’d still be writing regardless, because I want to know how everything works out.

Try and find fandom friends to be unhinged with. Absolutely easier said than done but if you can and you’re that way inclined, then finding some fandom crazies can be so helpful. I have no idea how many stories I’ve written based off a random “hey guys, can you imagine-” comment that got enabled all to hell. (Hello, enablers!!!)

Have fun! Honestly, this is the most important thing about being a fan writer for me. I’m here to grab my blorbos and throw them into situations and get them out of that situation. I’ve done it repeatedly and I’ll do it again. Coz it’s fun. Because I’m enjoying myself. And I won’t lie, the wonderful community we have, the amazing friends I’ve made and have blast with, the support and kindness I get is beyond description but I’ve been playing in various sandboxes for years (mostly by myself) and I’ve still the most fun exploring my imagination and creativity.

I’m sure other, more articulate and well studied people have far better and more useful insights (there’s legit so much writing advice on YouTube) but those are my random thoughts on the subject. If anyone has something they’d like to add, please do! Because I am absolutely always open up to tips and insights myself. You can never stop learning ☺️

[fatesdeepdive]

Entry 115: Oops! All Supports #19

Support: Nina/Shiro

C: Nina decides to go to a play with two male leads because she is thirsty. Shiro comes along because it sounds like a comedy, to Nina's annoyance.

B: Shiro keeps laughing during the play, which keeps Nina from fantasizing. Shiro says he liked the fight scenes, while Nina says she liked the dance off and beach sex scene. Shiro is confused, as those scenes were not in the play.

A: Nina is embarrassed about Shiro knowing about her fantasizing. Shiro says it's fine, because she had fun, which is what the actors probably want. Shiro invites her to another play.

S: Shiro praises Nina's imagination then says he likes her or whatever.

Review: Alright. One of those Supports that would be better if we saw Shiro reacting to the play, though.

Support: Dwyer/Velouria

C: Dwyer drops a cookie. Velouria eats it off the ground. Dwyer calls her gross.

B: Velouria tries to knock cookies out of Dwyer's hands, so they will fall on the dirt and be garbage, so she can eat them without stealing. Dwyer gives her a cookie. Velouria gives him a broken tea cup as a gift.

A: Dwyer invites Velouria for tea and treats her injuries after she burns herself. Velouria smells awkwardness.

S: Dwyer gives Velouria a scarf from a garbage dump. Velouria thinks he is an imposter because that took effort.

Review: Velouria's twisted logic is fun. Her and Dwyer have decent chemistry. Not bad.

Support: Soleil/Sophie

C: Soleil calls Sophie a beautiful flower. This annoys Sophie, who wants to be recognized for her ability as a knight. Soleil and Sophie start a bet: if Sophie is a good knight during the next battle, Soleil isn't allowed to call her a flower; if not, Sophie must put a flower on her armor.

B: Sophie does amazing in battle, meaning Soleil can't write about her being beautiful. Soleil objects and they go double or nothing, this time on whether or not Soleil is a good mercenary.

A: Soleil is a good mercenary. She's happy to win, because not being able to hit on Sophie is apparently torture.

Review: Boring and mediocre. Someone needs to spray Soleil with a hose and tell her to stop.

Support: Midori/Percy

C: Percy talks about how his father is a valiant knight, ignoring the fact that Arthur can only obtain the knight class through a friendship seal with Benny or partner seal with Effie. Midori says knights need to have etiquette.

B: Midori tries to teach Percy manners. Percy eats like a pig.

A: Midori tells Percy to clean his saddle. Percy ignores this to save a little girl from falling in a lake. Midori decides manners aren't important because Percy needs to be ready to spring into action.

S: Percy asks Midori out.

Review: Mediocre and kinda dumb.

Support: Shiro/Siegbert

C: Siegbert, knowing he and Shiro will one day be kings, attempts to form a friendship with Shiro. Shiro is apathetic about his responsibilities as a prince. Siegbert says he needs to be more mindful, so Shiro challenges him to an arm wrestling contest.

B: Shiro wins and says he both bonded with Siegbert and learned about his character through wrestling. Shiro says he wants people to like him for being a good guy, not for being a prince. Siegbert says he worries he can fill Xander's shoes. Shiro says Siegbert should stop comparing himself to Xander and just try to make the kingdom awesome.

A: Siegbert wins an arm wrestling rematch after training in secret. The two of them talk about how they'll always be friends, even after the war ends, and hope it will inspire their people to do the same.

Review: Pretty good! Shiro and Siegbert have a good dynamic and both have good advice for the other.

Support: Kiragi/Rhajat

C: Kiragi invites Rhajat to go on a walk in the mountains with him. Rhajat tells him to climb down a cliff and get mushrooms for her, fully expecting him to die.

B: Kiragi returns from his suicide mission, completely unharmed. He invites Rhajat to go on a walk with him, even though it's raining. When she says no, he assumes she's a witch. Rhajat sends him to get rare algae from a dangerous bog.

A: Rhajat decides to stop endangering Kiragi and apologizes. Kirgai doesn't mind, because they're friends. Rhajat agrees to go hiking with him.

S: Kiragi asks her out. Rhajat reveals that she's been cursing him to keep all of the other girls from liking him. Kiragi thinks this is cool. They laugh evilly together.

Review: Honestly, Kiragi's unstoppable naive friendliness works well with Rhajat's evilness. Her trying to kill him and him being oblivious is funny, in a dark way.

Support: Asugi/Ignatius

C: Ignatius stares at Asugi as he makes cookies.

B: Ignatius stares again because the cookies are animal shaped and he thinks they're cute. Asugi doesn't make fun of him, because he also likes cute stuff.

A: Ignatius refuses to eat the cookies because they're too cute. Asugi shoves a kitty cookie in his mouth. Ignatius cannot describe how good the cookie is.

Review: Kinda dumb but also kinda wholesome.

Support: Hisame/Selkie

C: Hisame makes pickles. Selkie thinks it smells gross.

B: Hisame gives Selkie pickled buffalo. She likes it and the normal pickled cucumbers he gives her.

A: Selkie tries making pickles but they're terrible because she rushes it. Fortunately, Hisame keeps a year's supply of pickles at all times. Selkie devours the pickles and Hisame begrudgingly decides to ramp up production.

S: Selkie travels 200 miles both ways to bring Hisame a rice cracker that goes good with pickles, because she loves him.

Review: Characters in Fire Emblem games are often defined by a single quirk. Pickles is a weird quirk. That said this one is fine.

Support: Caeldori/Mitama

C: Caeldori is melancholy because she read a book about unrequited love. Mitama says this is a common feeling and recommends Caeldori writes poetry.

B: Mitama shows Caeldori poetry books and explains the metaphors. Caeldori offers her novels with similar themes.

A: Caeldori delivers a cart full of books. Mitama says that much prose is exhausting. Caeldori begs and Mitama begrudgingly agrees to read them.

Review: Stories need conflict.

Support: Forrest/Fana

C: Kana cries because her parents are always busy. Forrest says he used to cry a lot when he was growing up, but talking to a friend is important.

B: Forrest distracts Kana from her sadness by asking her to help him embroider. Kana helps and Forrest praises her for channeling her tears into beauty. He says that he started sewing to get over his sadness.

A: Kana says she's done crying because she's busy embroidering.

S: Kana cries because she's a liar. Forrest says it's okay to cry and that his sadness is a source of inspiration. They decide to be friends forever.

Review: Forrest is a good older cousin. Kana should not be a soldier.

[pennyserenade]

as someone who has studied and loved english for a very long time, and who knows how pretentious and elitist english lit people can be, i understand that studying pieces of fiction and analyzing things can be daunting. i think as a society we are shifting away from having critical analysis skills bc we’ve begun to undermine how important it is to have those. it is a very dangerous thing to equate what a writer writes with what they personally believe, especially if you do so while taking everything at face value. this is happening for a lot of reasons and i think it isn’t going to get any better by people calling others stupid because of it. you aren’t stupid. those skills are skills you must exercise to keep sharp and here is some advice i have for you about that:

remember you aren’t stupid for not understanding things like shakespeare. they give you challenging texts like shakespeare so you can learn and grow as a reader. you aren’t meant to be born knowing what symbolism and motifs are, but you are meant to cut your teeth on things like those texts -- to grow to learn what they are. the more you read classical texts, the better you’ll get at understanding them. you’ll also probably find shakespeare to be a whole lot less serious than you think (and also maybe a little cooler, too).

there is no wrong take that you can have if you can support it with evidence. this was the most freeing piece of advice i ever got, and it has taken me far. for so long i was trying to come up with the conclusions other people had already thought up, because i figured that was the point. it isn’t. i mean, you’re probably going to come up with the same conclusions as other people, but you’re definitely allowed to come to your own conclusions that other people don’t see as well. there’s no real ‘answer’ when analyzing things.

you can analyze anything, and you likely do. you don’t stop doing it once you leave shakespeare and english class behind and you definitely shouldn’t limit yourself to just those texts, either. personally, movies and tv shows are my favorite things to interpret. i’m sure a lot of people would say that, given that fanfic is so widely created. analyzing texts doesn’t have to be boring. you can do it with almost anything and it is important you do. analyze the hell out of your favorite tv show. if you think the color of someone’s tie matters, it probably does. 

remember writers write to smart audiences--at least the good ones do. they expect you to be able to analyze their hidden meanings and to look deeper than the surface. don’t be afraid to say crazy theories if you can support them with evidence. sometimes you’ll find things even the writer didn’t catch, and you’ll still be right about it because art isn’t meant to be definitive, it is meant to be loved, taken in, absorbed. that’s why its so subjective. don’t trap it or yourself in boxes because someone told you that you should, because you are a smart reader. you just have to remember that 

[eliink]

(𝒕𝒂𝒍𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒏𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒆𝒏𝒔𝒆)

Why do I feel like every time I try my best, I still fail? I'm always there for people I truly care about, trying my best to be a great friend for them. But do they really appreciate me? Do they appreciate me because I truly helped them, or because they just appreciate that I can free my time for them every time they needed me? I am emotionally, mentally, and physically available for other people, but for myself… I don’t know. I tend to sacrifice everything for other people without thinking if they truly deserve it. I hate that I care too much and get attached, even though I don't have to. I always say I could easily detach myself, but when it comes to the actual situation, I just couldn't stop crying anymore. Yes, people come and go, but why? Is my presence not enough? Or is there something lacking in me? I am known as the jokester, energetic, and as an emotionally intelligent person, but when it comes to dealing with my own shit, I always fail. I am proud of myself for giving good advice to people, but applying those in my own situation is more difficult than it seems.

I never take the risk because I know if it fails, I can't deal with the consequences anymore. Maybe one of the reasons why I still haven't found someone for me yet (although it's not that important) is because I'm the problem. I don't want to risk something. It's not because they're not worth the risk; it's because I overthink too much. I can't focus on the present moments with them; I tend to overthink our future and the uncertainties that might happen. I stop myself from taking the risk because I'm scared that my past will just repeat itself.

At this point, I don’t know how to love someone anymore. I focus too much on loving and empowering myself to the point that I don't need someone with me anymore. But the real thing is, I also need to feel genuine love from someone that I never feel from my mom, dad, siblings, and family. I don’t know who to love anymore because of my trauma. I generalize all the boys that come into my life now. "They're all the same. Them caring about me will also pass as well as their feelings." My mind is stuck in the saying "prevention is better than cure"; for me to prevent getting more attached, I'll just distance myself even though it hurts me. If that shitty situation happens again, I don’t know who to ask for help anymore.

Why can't I just have a fun talk with somebody!? I always bring up some depressing shit that might bore them, and then they think I'm emo or edgy. I know most of my friends told me that they can be there for me 24/7, but I can't just vent everything to them; they have to deal with their own conflicts too. So what now? Why can't I just live peacefully and leave my past in the past? I swear to God, my life is just a cycle of bullshit experiences that happen to me over and over again. Can I avoid it? Am I manifesting it to happen again? Is this another challenge from God for me? Is it my fault? Is that why it's happening again? I don’t know anymore. That doesn't mean your friend is always there for you; you can vent anytime. Give boundaries and respect their time too. If you take too much, they might judge you.

When will it be my turn to be their priority and to be loved? I want someone who thinks that we both deserve each other. I don’t care if we don't have similarities as long as we can make and build our relationship together. As long as we help each other grow, I'm okay with it. As long as we're both honest and trust each other, I'm okay with it. Is this too much to ask?

______________________________________________________________

I will be making more rants series coz it helps me to unwind and pour all my emotions through writings. This is how I handle my feelings, instead of covering my face with a pillow, sobbing, ranting in front of my 3ft. bear, I just open my notes or get a pen and paper to express what I feel. This really helps me. Sometimes I look back at my notes, read it and I feel a satisfied that I get through that with a little pity for myself since I've been through that phase.

[elialys]

I spent a lot of time researching writing when I thought I might actually give original writing a go, as an indie writer. What came out of it for me was that there's no magical formula.

There are things people can do that might result in lots of sales, if you're ready to be a robot about it and keep things to a surface level as a writer, so you can produce produce produce. I blocked my own creativity so much, trying to emulate what I was reading about writing. The thing is, there's no blueprint to what makes a great story.

There's a lot of advice and things we can do, but nothing's set in stone. Every style of writing, every style of storytelling, has its audience. Every single one of them. What you worry might be considered 'boring', is the cream of the cream for people like me. Some people don't want to read that, but I can assure you a lot of us do.

I know I tend to go heavy on the angst in most things I write, but to the best of my abilities, I also always infuse the stories with hope, and give my characters what they need. I don't write fancy ass plots, ever (or very rarely, when the narrative forces me to, or when I want to challenge myself). My stories are 100% character driven, with the plot usually being "Character A and Character B try dealing with their feels about XYZ." Boring to some for sure, but I don't think it's boring when I'm writing it, and there are always people out there who love that kind of stories.

Your stories aren't boring, at all. You're exploring humans, their lives, and their emotions. Every style and every genre has an audience, and so does yours. Are there more reactions/interactions with stories that have fancy ass, more 'action driven' plots? Yes, most of the time they tend to be more popular, because they also tend to be more accessible to a wider audience. It doesn't make your particular style boring.

I've read quite a few of your stories, and I've never once gotten the feeling that you were "giving" the characters happy endings without making them work for it, because you're actually writing three dimensional people. To me, that can never be boring, because humans aren't boring to explore.

If primarily writing stories full of hope and happy endings is what YOU need and what helps you navigate this shitty human condition, carry on my dear friend, and don't let anyone make you feel like you should stop and do something different--not even yourself. Your writing is resonant and true, to those of us who read it and genuinely love it, for exactly what it is and what it gives us.

Thinking about it more and more, I guess it’s not that I’m worried that I’m a bad writer, per se. (There’s always room for improvement, and I know I have a long way to go, but my writing isn’t bad. It’s growing and getting better all the time.) It’s more like…I’m worried I’m a boring writer. Like I water things down too much or make them too cheesy. Like I can’t reach into myself and dig up discomfort to create more layers and more tension in my characters, because I’ve spent so much of my life protecting myself and seeking stability. And life can get so exhausting, so bleak, and my mental health dips so much some days that I just want to write people being happy.

I’m also infuriatingly hopeful despite feeling so shitty, like I can’t stop myself from wanting to just…hand characters nice things. Because I believe those things are possible or want to believe they’re possible. Because like anyone else, I’ve been through shit and know people who have been through shit, and I’ve come out the other side and seen them come out the other side. And right now people just aren’t interested in hope. They’re not interested in reading about happy endings. And I’m not patient enough to make my characters work for those happy endings. So…I don’t know. And I think I’m scared to fully tap into real emotions, less because I’m afraid to feel those things and more because I’m afraid people will judge me for feeling those things. (Or I’m writing characters who feel very differently.)

tl;dr writing is fucking hard

[olderthannetfic]

[This is for a person with whom I have quite a contrary opinion. And I want to get it off my chest]

You. Have. No. Idea. What. Fanfic. Is.

For you, quality literature has to have the qualities you demand of it. Yes, I agree that you need a minimum of quality in all areas, but a lot of fanfic is written by people who spend their time (for free) to give you a story with characters you already know and want to read in that context.

"But you shouldn't write about real people." You're missing the point of fanfic.

"But you shouldn't use non-LGBTQ+ people/characters for LGBTQ+ stories." You're missing the point of fanfic.

"Sex scenes with real people are disgusting". For you, but not for everyone.

"I hope one day the 14 year old girls who read this kind of fanfic will realise that writing about real people is wrong and move away from the dark and toxic side of fandom." Don't say what people can read or not.

"I hope you grow up and leave your fanfic era to read worthwhile literature." Honey, I can read fanfic and I can read books that were Nobel Prize winners, one thing doesn't take away from the other. Oh, again, you're missing the point of the fanfic.

So please, stop throwing all the bad stuff at fanfic writers and thinking you're mature for reading Stephen King (I guess he can talk about Beverly's boobs because it's not fanfic). And I hope you never leave Wattpad, because if you go on ao3, first you'll faint and then you'll cry about the "atrocities".

You're good at giving writing advice and encouraging new writers, but stop talking about a subject you don't understand and don't want to understand. If I vent here it's because I know that if I write it in your comment box, I'll be the hater and I don't want arguing with people.

[Sorry if I made a mistake. English isn't my first language and I'm really upset right now]

--

There's an interesting thing I read as a kid about language acquisition. It was specifically about vocabulary acquisition among native speakers. The researchers observed that parents, teachers, etc. thought kids should read "good" books that "challenged" them because this would improve vocabulary and comprehension...

But in fact, the thing that most improved reading skills was reading books that were just barely hard. They might have learned only one new word per crappy Nancy Drew, but they read thousands of them and learned thousands of words. The kids reading "good" literature that was much too hard for them learned much less.

Needless to say, I waved this in my mother's face and went back to reading Nancy Drew.

Mom absolutely suffered from Buy The Child Boring And Depressing Literature syndrome, like many intellectual adults. Also, she was terrible at judging a book from the cover blurb and was always buying things she thought would be fun pictures of some cultural moment that were actually about the horrors of war and teenagers fleeing their countries.

I find it hilarious that this person is a Stephen King fan. Nothing wrong with King! He's rightly beloved and famous. But in the minds of Real Literature snobs, he's also fun trash, not Serious Books For Serious People.

That's the danger of snobbery: there's always someone who can show you up.

The only way to win this game is to be completely secure in your own tastes to the point that you don't even care about defending them when people attack.

For me personally, fic made all the difference in my writing ability. I was surprised a few years ago to realize I'd turned into someone who could write the kinds of things I actually want to read. I never used to reread my own work, and I never used to be able to live up to my own standards. Lack of revision was part of it, but that wasn't most of it: I just wasn't very experienced and thus I wasn't very good.

After a decade of writing Yuletide fic and the occasional other thing as the mood struck me, I apparently gained enough experience while not paying attention to level up.

Those 14-year-olds dicking around with Jungkook readerfic or Taekook or Minecraft dumbass RPF or whatever has this person's panties in a twist will probably turn into good writers one day if they just keep writing.

It's a question of stamina as much as anything, and nothing kills stamina faster than elitism.

[denimbex1986]

‘...The series seems to struggle itself with the question of what it says about Bucky that he “let” himself be controlled (nb: it doesn’t say anything) and decides some “will he won’t he” suspense over whether he’s deep down still a killer and how he can make up for what he supposedly did are valuable questions to ask, rather than a replication of the same agonising self blame that most abuse survivors subject themselves to.

...it’s believable for everyone to treat his torture and enslavement as an awful unspeakable thing no one wants to confront in earnest, because people are very bad at handling difficult emotional situations, but that treatment is also only ever depicted as wholly appropriate, and so the audience is asked to buy in. Beyond a couple of angry threats Bucky throws the way of Zemo (Daniel Bruhl), his former tormentor, Zemo’s two second apology in episode 3, and some blink and you’ll miss them visual inserts during the aforementioned scene with Ayo, the writing focusses entirely on what Bucky was forced to do while enslaved and skirts around the awful things that were done *to him*, rendering the exploration of his trauma confusing and unbalanced.

...the core message from Sam’s tough love, however kindly delivered, was “man up and take responsibility”. Far from being an example of men healthily discussing emotions, this is a fairly typically macho rejection of any suggestion of fragility or ambivalence. (He also talks about the ineffectiveness of Bucky telling people he’s sorry, seconds after mentioning he was doing the exact opposite, so the incoherence of this speech really has layers.) These might be the kind of well-meaning observations that a real male friend would make, but coming from the mouth of the next Captain America, we are also asked to take them as unimpeachably correct.

...this total emphasis on being “of service” is quite a directive to give a man who was compelled very painfully into service for years, and doesn’t challenge the unhealthy pressure men put on themselves to be in control of their own emotions at all times. The closest Bucky ever comes to falling to pieces comes not from the writing but Stan, who inserts the occasional waver into Bucky’s voice to show all this control is costing something, and does a great trade in “haunted behind the eyes” facial expressions. As a challenge though to the scale of what’s being demanded of the character, that’s fairly thin gruel.

...Sam entreats Bucky to stop working out how to stop all of Hydra’s beneficiaries, and focus on helping its victims — by going and telling them he murdered their loved ones. He doesn’t come out and say that explicitly, obviously, because that would involve the writers directly acknowledging this is some pretty extreme shit, so they just couch it as “people out there who need closure, which only you can give”. I think this is supposed to come off as subtle, rather than minimising.

I have to ask, because when I’ve suggested to people this advice was, well, bad, it hasn’t gone down well: does it really seem a good idea for Bucky, an emotionally unstable man in the midst of an identity crisis, to go off on his own and talk to the loved ones of Hydra’s victims, who he was forced to murder, given the last time someone found out about this (ie Tony Stark) they tried to kill him? Could this not be profoundly retraumatising, having to relive these memories out loud to devastated victims, again and again? Could taking on all their grief and pain and rage on behalf of Hydra, his own torturers, who he must have his own anger against but who will never seek forgiveness, not reinforce the self hatred he already feels?

Meanwhile, is it going to make anyone feel better to be told out of the blue how their loved ones died by the person who killed them? Did seeing Bucky make Isaiah feel better? Did he enjoy that reminder of his past? Did it bring closure? Did anyone on the writing team ask any of these questions?

...The writers...were so unable to authentically write a scene between Bucky and Yori (Ken Takemoto), the father of a man he murdered, that wouldn’t go disastrously wrong they cut it short after about three lines rather than suggest Sam might have oversimplified the problem. But, they needed their vehicle to get Bucky to his smiley happy ending, so the scene had to stay in. He declares at the end of it “I didn’t have a choice” and it‘s possible this was intended to sound like a breakthrough, but as a character beat it’s rather hollow, given that in six hours we’ve seen no depiction of him coming to this realisation.

In any case, no one asks Bucky if this drive to make amends for things he didn’t do is a form of self flagellation that’s preventing him from letting go, whether he’s really up to facing all of Hydra’s victims by himself, offers to go with him, or points out he doesn’t actually need to do any of it...

But aside from saying some pretty unhealthy stuff about recovery, which may not deliver the best messages to male survivors of abuse and assault watching at home, it does seem a shame that what’s unique and interesting about Bucky in the world of male superheroes has been stripped away: the challenging of normative male roles, all the real darkness of having to climb out of what he’s gone through, reduced down to a boring, irrelevant commandment to “do the work”, take charge. In this show, Bucky’s just another dude being a dude.

...Bucky’s story is...operatically, garishly tragic, full of high saturation contradictions and big questions about the self, and a story driven by real world struggle...’

[munsnz]

Bittersweet Critic — Steve Harrington ☘︎︎

TW: Cussing??

Requested: None

Pairing: Steve Harrington x GN! Reader

Lydinous Radio: Bittersweet— Kennen

Summary: Steve is sick and tired after working at Family Video for months after the Starcourt incident. Christmas break comes up, meaning more people coming over to their homes. Unlike him, a witty college student comes by for an odd request, making him look like that douche from years back. Days later, he finds this person again, wanting to apologize for the prude actions from the previous..

Masterlist — Requests are open!

Another boring day.

Cold everywhere.

Showing where the bathroom was.

Rummaging through movie posters.

Checking out the pretty girls.

Organizing VHS shelves.

Another Thursday in the cold mornings in Hawkins, Indiana. Steve Harrington had been sick of working at Family Video after working here for 3 months since the incident in July. Now he and Robin were taking different shifts in days and rarely got time to work together at the same times. Watching the customers coming in and out of the store, he sighed due to boredom working there. He would’ve been off to college, possibly coming back for Christmas Break since everyone was coming home for Christmas. More families and couples came in and out of the store now, happy-looking faces, and cheerful moods. Steve realized how lonely he was, after his heartbreak with Nancy, the rejection from Robin, just grew on him, leaving him with the group of kids he mentally adopted. Where was he going with his life now? Was there a possible future for him? Is there-

“Hello? Are you deaf or something?”

The voice made him snap out of his thoughts and feelings to find a conventional rather good-looking person who stood upon him. Steve shakes his head to focus on his attention. “Sorry I was..... I was.....”

”Distracted?” You smiled at him and tapped your fingers on the counter.

Steve nods at your response and shrugs, “I suppose you’re correct.”

“I’m always correct,” You boasted while trying to sound humble about it. There was a silent chuckle shared between the two of you, but continued with the silence, “Anywho, I was wondering if you could give me a good movie recommendation.”

”A what now?” He questioned while being throughly confused by the weird request given by this person who he had just met in 5 minutes.

You sigh at his reaction and lean closer, “I need a good movie recommendation.”

”Oh... Oh...Right,” Steve looks around, trying to remember the movies he’s seen. Although working at a video store, it was hard to keep up with the most popular movies nowadays. He snaps with his fingers and looks up at you, “Back to the future is a good one.”

”I’ve watched it and it wasn’t that good.”

Well, there went one shot. Steve tried to keep concentration in this memory from the last film he saw while dozing off to look at you. Realizing another movies, he chuckles, “Star Wars?”

”A new hope?” You say, furrowing your eyebrows. It reminded Steve when he first got the job at this shithole.

”I don’t really know,” He mumbles, digging his fingers into his hair and watches you cross your arms.

“Well isnt this store supposed to have good staff that actually know a bit about film?”

Steve squints his eyes and clicks his tongue, “Well, I’m just a teenage boy who couldn’t get into college and is trying to earn a living, so I don’t know much.”

“Oh,” You sigh, looking down at your feet, and slide your paper from a notebook harshly across the counter, “Thanks for the help dipshit.”

”Are you a movie critic or something?” He desperately blurts out, wanting to continue to talk to someone,making you turn back to him.

In awe, you look at him up and down, sternly as you said, “I’m not, but I’m studying to work in the film industry in the future as if I’m here to fill out this assignment about the public’s perception on movies, but it’s okay if you don’t want to help, you don’t seem like it.”

”No! It’s actually okay,” Steve apologizes, softening his face and extended his hand to give him the paper, “I really got nothing else to do.”

You watched his hand, almost with pleading eyes to do something in such boredom he was in. After a hot minute of decided, you smiled and breathed to walk away to the exit of the store, “No thank you dipshit! Just remember first impressions are important!”

”What?” Steve gasps, with his mouth open at such rejection, watching you swiftly walk outside into your car to drive off. First impressions were important, he had looked like a total asshole in front of them. Now this was just a huge blow for him, no luck.

☘︎︎ ☘︎︎ ☘︎︎

“So..... what are you doing tomorrow?” Dustin questions, shuffling his feet in the snowy cement, putting his small hands in his pockets to avoid frostbite.

Steve sniffs, watching the people inside relaxing inside the cafe on a Tuesday morning in Hawkins, it was still Christmas break and now both guys were going to have their own day after the holidays.

”I don’t know, I’ll probably catch a movie,” He sighs, shivering in the snow falling on his hair. Watching the people inside, he sees that one familiar person. That movie critic. Different it was though, the person looked awfully stressed with a huge amount of papers scurried everyone on the table, not that one put together person he saw a few days back. His stomach dropped at the sight, not wanting to interact with them, “oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, can we cancel this? I’m not comfortable.”

Dustin looked up at Steve, “Why not? We get a free time to hang out together, I heard they give the best hot chocolate!” Seeing Steve flustered, Dustin turned to see at what he was looking at before getting so weird, it seemed to be a person, somewhat Steve’s age, good-looking meanwhile scribbling notes onto sheets of paper. He hangs his mouth open and nudges Steve with a sly smile, “Oooooh! Someone’s got a crush!”

”Shut up,” He snaps, making Dustin stop giggling like an idiot. Steve gulps and feels a bit anxious about it, after all this time, why did he feel this way?

“Try talking to them,” Steve’s friend advices, both of them watching her through the window in deep concentration, “Until you feel the electricity.”

Steve glances at Dustin, “Don’t use my advice against me.”

”It’s not that bad, Steve,” Dustin claims, moving his jacket around a bit, “Maybe this is your chance.”

”Chance,” He scoffs at the comment, “I haven’t felt like this in months, what ever happened to the glory days where everybody would fall for me at first sight?”

“They probably like you,” Dustin shrugs and looks up at his friend hopelessly sigh, “What’s the matter? Do they not?”

“Well......” He mumbles, trailing off, “I made a really bad impression on them, they came over to the store and I seemed like an asshole, they don’t like me.”

After peering through the window, both boys noticed that same person’s eyes meet theirs. Panicked, they looked away rapidly, trying to not make the situation awkward. The person they were eyeing went back to their task, Dustin ran to the door, dragging Steve inside, “Go talk to them.”

Steve flattened his jacket and breathed deeply, feeling Dustin’s pudgy hands push him forward, making the bell ring as soon as he walked inside. Feeling awkward, he slowly trudged towards the table where you were sitting.

”Hey,” He shyly whispered, ruffling his hands inside his sweater, you looked up to meet his warm, brown eyes, confused of who this might be.

”Hey?” You watch him stand weirdly in front of you, feeling a sense of awkwardness in the air, “Take a seat if you want.”

Steve pulls the chair back to sit, scooting himself forward into the table. He looked over at Dustin who was grinning from the outside of the cafe, “How are you?”

”Fine, but have we met?” You squinted, trying your best to remember him, although you couldn’t, then went back to scurrying through your assignments.

”I believe so,” He watches you scurry through more and more assignments, writing quick notes on each page, “What are you working on?”

After finishing the second to last pair of notes, you reply, “Assignments, it’s crazy how college still wants to make you work your ass even though you’re on break. And how have we met?”

”Film student right?” The comment he made making you look up, he was correct. You nodded, watching his every move on how he knew, he sighs and goes on, “Well I’m that asshole that couldn’t do your stupid assignment for college.”

Wide eyed, you nodded your head and breathily giggled, “Oh yeah, the dipshit.”

”The dipshit,” He nervously repeated, remembering the brood impression he made on you, “Yeah so...... how did that go?”

”No one else wanted to do it,” You huffed as the memories of what dick he had been towards you, he seemed sorry for you, rapidly making sharp eye contact and looking away.

Steve watched your expressions changed as your thoughts did too, “Sorry about that.” Was all he said.

“It’s whatever,” You shrug, getting irritated a bit, but before you could comment anything else, he blurted out.

”Wecouldgowatchamovietogetheranddothatwork.”

All you did was giggle at his flustering comment he gave you, he looked so hopeless and dazed off. Taking a sip of your French Roast coffee, feeling the bitter taste touch your taste buds, a new burst of energy filling you, you scratched your head, “Not so easy..... Dipshit. A. I don’t even know your name and who you are, B. you’re desperate.”

”I- w-what?” His words tumbled off his mouth, denying the answer, “I’m not, I-I just wanna help you.”

His dumbfounded expression made it harder for you not to laugh, “It’s okay, I was just teasing you. And I’m free around 4, if that works out.”

”O-oh, yeah I mean I have work but a day to skip won’t hurt,” Steve chuckles, feeling tingly around his hands, he had never felt this for years on end. Cliche much right?

You raised your eyebrows up and a tiny smile escaped your lips, “Okay, just so you know, it’s going to be a challenge to warm up to me.”

He nods his head, bringing his hands together in front of you, “Well I’m up for that challenge!”

”You dipshit.”

”You movie critic.”

[myhoneststudyblr]

every single student in the world has likely procrastinated at some point - i know i definitely have! sometimes i think it can be quite helpful because means that you don't spend every minute of every day studying... but on the other hand, it can become very hard to beat. there are so many advice posts in the community on this topic but i thought that i would share my own tips! 

disclaimer: everyone studies differently and these are my personal tips. they may not work for you but they can be a good starting point 

What is Procrastination?

i found this little summary of procrastinating on the internet and thought it completely covered everything that i wanted to say on this point:

Procrastination is the habit of delaying an important task, usually by focusing on less urgent, more enjoyable, and easier activities instead. It is different from laziness, which is the unwillingness to act.

Procrastination can restrict your potential and undermine your career. It can also disrupt teamwork, reduce morale, and even lead to depression and job loss. So, it's crucial to take proactive steps to prevent it.

The first step to overcoming procrastination is to recognize that you're doing it. Then, identify the reasons behind your behavior and use appropriate strategies to manage and overcome it.

- How to Stop Procrastinating by Mindtools

so what is learnt from this is that:

procrastination is not being lazy 

it is avoiding tasks by doing other easier tasks

it can have negative effects

you need to proactively take steps to avoid it 

first, recognise the procrastinating then use strategies to break the cycle

Conventional Tips

these are the basic tips that are some of the most well-known strategies for ending procrastination and can be some of the most important steps!

1. get organised. tidy up your desk to study space because there is nothing worse than having to work in a place that is chaotic and mess. collect the information you need for the task, for example, notes you've made or a textbook. 

2. to-do lists are your friend. a lot of people (including me) really struggle with timetables for studying because it can seem really structured and there is no flexibility or real allowance for things that may crop up during the day (your food takes longer to cook, you have to unexpectedly do a task around the house, you get a really bad headache and need to take a break). in my opinion, to-do lists help solve this problem! you can clearly see the tasks that you want to get done for the day but you don't have stressful time constraints. personally, i always use todoist to keep track of everything. to-do lists also make it easier to break tasks down

3. break the task down. one of the biggest cause of procrastination is having a huge task or project ahead of you because it seems really daunting and where on earth are you even going to start? so break it down *completely*. in your to-do list, don't just write ‘german homework’, write down even task that you need to do within it and be specific: for example ‘pg. 11 ex 4a, 4b and 4c’, ‘textbook listening task on pg. 47′ and ‘250-word essay on social media in Germany’. breaking it down makes the tasks seem more attainable and when you’ve done one and you can cross it off your list, it gives you a boost to keep going

4. eliminate distractions. this is a big one. even if you do all of the above, if you are constantly being distracted by things, you aren't going to get much done. try to find a place that is quiet enough that you can focus and you feel comfortable studying in. as well as this you need to think about what to do with your phone as the likelihood is that this will be the most distracting thing. you can simply turn it off, put on do not disturb, leave it in another room or use and app like forest (that last one is what i use and i don't know where i would be without it!)

5. use incentives. finishing a task is an achievement so treat it like one! before you study, decide on something that you will give yourself as a reward for doing it. this may be watching that new episode of your favourite programme or a tasty snack! 

6. set timers. don't just launch yourself into a task, because that again can make it seem daunting and feel unending. rather, set a timer for a specific time because you’ll know that you just need to focus for that specific length of time and then you can go take a break and do something nice. for timing your study sessions, you could use the Pomodoro technique 

7. allow for breaks (but try to avoid long ones). you are not a machine and as much as it would be great to be able to, you cant study for hours on end without giving your mind a break from focusing. so schedule in break time for yourself, particularly for times that you know your motivation dips, and do something nice. but be very careful that you don't accidentally slip back into procrastinating habits and keep breaks short. unless you are very disciplined it is unlikely that an hour-long break will stay just an hour.

8. know how you study but don’t be afraid to mix it up. everyone studies differently and so there are going to be some study methods that work better for some than others. so try to make sure that you are studying smart and that you aren't wasting your own time cause that can be incredibly unmotivating. HOWEVER, if there is anything that I’ve learnt from online school its that doing the same task all the time, every day is mind-numbingly boring and you just want to do anything else. so try to switch up what you are doing. if you usually just type notes from the textbook, maybe try doing it in a mindmap one week, or on flashcards, maybe do some practise questions to keep your mind engaged. 

9. play music. now this one really depends on the person and how you study. some people need absolute silence and that is fine, but others need something to fill the silence or maybe cover up background noise (for example if you live in a busy household). try to pick music however that is not going to distract you - the key tips for this is to pick music without lyrics. this can be classical music, video game music, or general ‘chill’ music (there are so many playlists out there for chill studying music). i personally listen to Francesco Parrino religiously while studying because he does piano covers of pop songs, so i know the songs and enjoy them but there are no lyrics that can distract me 

10. stay hydrated, well-rested and not hungry. this is part of eliminating distractions because if you are thirsty, you are going to be thinking about how you want a drink; if you are tired, you are going to be thinking about how tired you are; if you are hungry, you are going to be thinking about what you want for lunch or whatever. make sure you are hydrated, well-rested and not hungry so you can focus solely on your task or work.

Unconventional Tips

these are some slightly more unusual tips that you might not have seen before but that I've nevertheless found very useful!

1. video yourself or do a timelapse. this is something that I’ve only recently done because i saw a tip on this from someone during my quarantine challenge and thought that it would be cool to do. and it really works! i did it twice once when i was typing notes and a second time when i was handwriting notes and it really made me focus on what is as doing because the video put some pressure on me to look like i was properly studying - i could take a 5-minute break in the middle of my work to mess around with my pen, I just had to keep going so it really forces you to do the work. also watching the video when i was done made me really proud cause i had visual proof of how much i completed!

2. accept that some days you are going to get very little done. this may seem a little bit odd to put on a post that is meant to avoid getting nothing done but it’s actually a very important thing to remember. sometimes you need to take days off because otherwise you are going to burnout and some days you are just not going to be in the right mindset for studying because maybe you are exhausted after a big exam, or you have a headache or you feel unwell. you just need to accept it, draw a line under it, take time for yourself, and resolve yourself to work tomorrow once you feel a bit better. there is no shame in taking time to make sure you stay healthy. if you can, try to get your quickest, easiest task done so you have some sense of accomplishment.

3. ‘churn it out and f**k off’. this was my mum’s motto when she was studying and working in academia. and she recently told it to me when i was getting stressed about all the big tasks during online school. i am a perfectionist and i always want to hand in my very best work, put 100% into everything, but honestly that is impossible. some days you just need to get stuff done and if that isn't your very best then it doesn't matter too much because at least you got it done. and once you get it done you can just forget about it.

4. ask a friend or parent to check up on you. when you are studying by yourself it can be hard to motivate yourself because you know that no ones actually going to check whether you made those votes or did the reading, so ask a friend or someone you live with to check whether you've done the work or get them to read essays. you then get an external reason to study or do your tasks because you need to show them something.

5. rephrase how you think of tasks. when you think that ‘you need to do this task’ or ‘you have to get this done’, a lot of the time this causes unneeded stress and anxiety that is not going to help you at all. also it makes it seem like you are being forced to do something and human beings generally don't act great when they are forced to do something. so try to change your language when thinking about task into one that is more forgiving such as ‘i choose to do this project so that i can go meet my friends tomorrow’ and ‘i choose to read this book now because it will help me in the lecture next week’. this is probably the most difficult strategy on this list and it will take a lot of practice (i am certainly still practising it) but in the long term, it can help you change the way in which you view studying for the better. 

✨✨✨

i hope this was helpful and that these tips will be useful, and perhaps you've discovered some new ones! if anyone has anything to add please feel free to reply or reblog with the advice <3

[kaashiboo]

ahah heeeey!!!!! can i request kenma, akaashi and sugawara as best friends with gender neutral reader?

thank you for your hard work i really enjoy reading your headcannons (灬º‿º灬)♡

haikyuu boys as your best friend

┇ kenma, akaashi, and suga

gn!reader

【warnings: none】

➢ general note: ohoho this is a very long one so buckle up!

✎ a/n: aaww this is request is cute! thank you for appreciating my work and i'm so glad you enjoy reading them! take care of yourself!<3

kenma

you've been friends with kenma and kuroo ever since you were a child but you're more close with kenma due to his chill personality.

but that doesn't mean that you're less chaotic

kenma honestly questions himself as to why he's best friends with you

but you're a bit more tolerable than kuroo he guesses.

"say, if i hypothetically and accidentally broke your swi— kenma, you're gonna kill me with your stare." you laugh nervously.

"give it to me." you removed your hand behind your back and gave him his switch with a pout.

"are you mad at me?" you asked, rubbing your nape. awkwardly.

kenma sighed loudly, "yeah."

"oh" your shoulders dropped.

"but it's fine since i already bought a new one. i'm mad because i was planning to give you this one but i guess we have to make someone check it out if it's still repairable." he replied and your eyes lit up in excitement.

"really?"

"yeah."

"but i don't have the money for it."

"we'll make kuroo pay." he shrugged and you tilted your head in confusion.

"eh? do you really think he would agree to that?"

"i don't know. maybe. just do all his work or compliment him everyday, that might work."

"are you two planning on how to murder me?" kuroo appears out of nowhere, ruffling kenma's and your hair.

"yes." the setter and you answered in unison.

people also wonder how you can keep up with kenma but you're honestly one of the people that can see through him and could tell whether something is bothering him.

and he never hesitated to show you what he really feels. if he's mad then you'd let him vent and let out all his frustrations.

and there were times as well where he just wanted to be away from anyone so you gave him space.

but because he finds you tolerable, he begged you to not distance yourself from him.

now, in terms of YOU being sad, we all know he's not the greatest when it comes to comforting people but he would always find a way to cheer you up like offering you to play games with him.

he would even let you do the interior design of his house in minecraft as long as he can see you're enjoying.

just like what others do, he would typically protect you from mobs while you pick up flowers.

but most of the time, you would have a competition on which person could kill as many mobs as they can.

you also would do stupid challenges that you see on youtube.

and late night walks with him are the best since you never had to worry about bothering him when he rarely sleeps early.

let me rephrase that real quick, it's mostly you walking around while kenma sits on a bench,,, still playing.

but he would occasionally look for you to make sure you weren't lost or kidnapped.

you would eventually get tired so you just... lay on the grass and roll around.

kenma puts down his switch, "what are you doing, y/n?"

"i'm bored. you're not even paying attention." you whispered the last part but he still caught it.

"alright, sorry. stand up now. let's go to the convenience store and crash at kuroo's house." he offered and you immediately agreed.

because the two of you never failed to be in the same class every year, your classmates would be confused since you two would verbally fight and give each other a silent treatment and then one second later, you would give him food and he tries to help you beat the level you're currently on with the game you're playing.

and in the timeskip, the three of you have stable jobs like, rich rich rich very rich.

"at this point, we can be your sugar daddies." kuroo jokes but you paid no attention to him as you were still busy processing with what kenma gave you as a present.

literally everything you need for streaming— heck, you're not even sure if you would use all of them.

but kenma still wanted to drag you along with him to do things that he loves

not that you'd complain about it anyway.

"you're helping me set everything up." you finally recovered from your state of shock and pulled kenma up from your couch.

akaashi

and the best 'best friend' award goes to akaashi keiji!

look, just because he's a laid-back person, doesn't mean he's unaware of how to push your buttons.

he would subtly annoy you. so subtle that not everyone could notice that you wanted to murder him on the spot.

"akaashi keiji, i will seriously ki—"

"it's settled then! y/n, please come to my office now." the teacher spoke, making you groan in frustration before standing up but you made sure to purposely step on his foot and he silently winced in pain.

the chat with the teacher didn't take long and when you exited the office, you saw your best friend standing outside, waiting for you with a barely noticeable smirk.

yeah, we might have to take back his award.

you rolled your eyes and walked past him but he grabbed your bag and pulled you back.

"sorry, do i know you?" you scoffed.

"look, i'm sorry. i already told you that you shouldn't sleep in class." he reminded, implying that him dragging you into doing something was a sort of consequence from sleeping in class.

"i know! but you decided to be annoying again and volunteered that i would help with some activity." you complained. he still hasn't let go of your bag but you continued walking which may or may not made it look like you were his pet.

akaashi knows you're not actually mad at him and so he didn't have to bother to apologize again.

"if it makes you feel better, i volunteered first before you. at least we're now both busy."

you didn't respond and continued walking, "where are you going?" he asks.

"home."

"no."

"no?"

"i have practice," he said.

"what does that have to do with me?!" you wailed.

"nothing." you facepalmed and let him pull you to the gym.

the first time you met was during middle school. you were crying because you lost a competition and unfortunately for you, akaashi was the one who won.

he tried comforting you but you pushed him away.

akaashi was persistent though. he didn't want you to stay mad at him and so he bothered you everyday until you finally started to warm up to him.

you sighed for the ninth time. deciding to make a paper plane and throw it to akaashi's way.

it fortunately hit his forehead and he 'tsk-ed' at your action but he continued reading the book anyway.

you reached for the plane, crumpling it until it's round.

"i thought you were gonna teach me?" you question and threw the paper at him, again but lucky for him, he caught it.

he pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration, "how am i supposed to teach you if you keep throwing things at me?"

you see, you're smart but there are certain subjects that you really hate and you coincidentally got sick during a discussion and now you and akaashi are currently studying in the library.

he knows he could have just lent you his notes and you can just take a photo of it but he wouldn't let you do that because his reasoning was, "you'll learn better if you write it down." you've complained to him about it many times and he'll eventually get tired and not give you anything so now you've learned your lesson,

don't annoy keiji.

but sometimes, he's kind enough to cover for you when you're asleep during class and would lie to the teachers by saying you're sick.

which rarely happens since he doesn't always tolerate you so being friends with him feels like having a parent watch you all the time.

"maybe if i befriended konoha then i'm already done with this." you huffed.

"he doesn't have the patience to deal with you, y/n." you let out an offended gasp before throwing your pencil case at him.

honestly speaking, the two of you get along really well. you're more talkative and he tends to listen to your rants a lot.

and of course, he would also share to you how his day went and how he found a new way to get bokuto out of his emo mode.

hanging out with him outside of school can be chaotic at times.

especially if you decide to go to the arcade because expect him to tease you a lot when you couldn't get the prize you wanted.

he would help you though:)

and since you two are a popular duo, you would often get a lot of confessions from boys and akaashi would ramble about how it's a waste of time and that you should focus on your studies.

but he would also reassure you that he'll support you no matter what decision you make.

in conclusion, he's a bit confusing and indecisive but he just wants the best for you but then he would also start thinking that he's being controlling of your own life.

akaashi also can't keep his cool sometimes,

"i can't believe they cheated on me." you hugged your legs closer to your chest as you sob.

his practice was already over but he insisted that the two of you stay at the gym so that you could talk to him about your problems.

"they’re an asshole, y/n." he replied.

usually, he would rub circles on your back when you're crying but this time, he stayed still on his seat so you glanced at him and frowned.

"you weren't even paying attention," you said.

"i was," he stopped typing on his phone to look at you.

"i was just searching up ways how to murder someone without getting caught." he joked and you chuckled.

"just kidding. i was ordering your favorite food. now stand up and wipe your tears. don't let that asshole see you vulnerable. show him that you don't even need him in the first place because you don't need anyone, 'kay?" he pulled you up and nodded at his advice.

"except for me, of course. how else would you be alive if it weren't for me?"

"i have my own parents." you rolled your eyes playfully.

"they don't love you— they prefer me." he teased once again. earning a punch from you.

suga

aDMIT IT, SUGA IS SO FUN TO BE WITH.

like sureeee he would help you most of the time

but he's also the same person that would get you in trouble.

"vice principal, i am so sorry! i didn't mean to knock off your wig! please don't suspend me—"

"it's fine, l/n. just go and don't tell anyone." the old man sighed.

you bowed and left, running to where suga was standing.

you saw your friend biting his lower lip to stifle a laugh.

you glared at him but you couldn't help but to cackle at what happened and now you two are being noisy in the hallway that made others look at you weirdly.

"i told you, he's bald!" he exclaimed and your laugh couldn't get any louder until you start coughing from the lack of oxygen.

"oH MY GOD— DON'T DIE ON ME Y/N," he said dramatically before offering you a bottle of water.

"you're so dramatic, please shut up." you rolled your eyes after drinking.

you and suga have been arguing for a week about how he witnessed himself how the vice principal's wig flew off and it was too good to be true so you didn't believe him.

not until your beloved best friend pushed you to the vp's direction accidentally.

you were taller than the old man so when you bumped into him, you wanted to grab onto something for support but instead, you knocked off his hairpiece.

and suga ran away instead of helping you.

we love a supportive friend.

"well at least he was kind enough to not give you a punishment." suga shrugged and you just nodded your head in agreement.

when you transferred to karasuno during second year, you luckily met suga when you asked for directions.

you two were in the same class so he accompanied you the whole day.

he was very talkative and you loved hearing him talk about volleyball.

at first, you admired him for how approachable and kind he is

but now you just want to kick him.

"i said he wasn't my crush!" you convinced him but suga ony hummed in response.

"but you were staring at him with heart eyes." he quirked a brow.

"i wasn't!"

"you were!"

"i wasn't!"

"you we—"

"suga and y/n, that's enough." daichi sighed. pushing the two of you apart from each other.

"daichi! your vice captain is being annoying again."

"daichi, did you know that y/n has a crush on y—" his words were cut off when you covered his mouth with your hand and he had no choice but to bite your palm and you backed away in disgust.

"i don't like you anymore." you huffed and he just ruffled your hair.

"ah really now?" he smiled but you knew that behind that smile was an evil intention.

"nevermind." you muttered. not trusting your own friend.

oh and your parents adore suga.

like, they know you have other friends as well but suga is the only person they trust to be with you all the time.

and honestly, you agree with them. no words or numbers could describe how much you trust the setter.

despite his naughty and chaotic attitude, he always takes care of you.

kind of like akaashi but he's a bit more loose.

he's very good at giving you advice.

he's also the type of friend that sulks when you miss a game.

like, he would literally ignore you.

and now you're struggling how to make him forgive you.

"kōshi, enough. you've been ignoring me for a week! it was just one game, come on." you persuaded, poking his side but he didn't budge and continued writing down notes.

"i'm sorry for missing your game. i swear, it was an accident! i would never miss your next match again!"

he shifted in his seat and your eyes were filled with hope.

he looks at you with a slight hint of disappointment, "even if i'm not a regular anymore?" the question caught you off guard.

"what do you mean?" he remained quiet and you took that as a sign that he didn't wanna talk and so you impatiently waited for classes to be over.

as soon as you were dismissed, you pulled him out of the classroom to take him to your favorite spot just near the gym.

"i don't like how you're doubting my ability to support you. it doesn't matter what you do— heck, you could even commit a crime and i might bail you out of jail." you uttered. finally breaking the silence that engulfed the two of you the past few minutes.

you struggle with expressing how you feel sometimes and being able to decipher your analogies is one of suga's skills.

"your comforting skill is top tier." he replied.

you know how he would playfully hit his teammates? he'd do the same to you but he would only give you head pats, not wanting to hurt you physically.

and you unexpectedly just learned how to love it.

it somehow inspires you to work harder since he only gives you head pats when you achieve something and it's his way of congratulating you!

he also likes to drag you along with him. he wants to watch a movie? he would buy an extra ticket just for you!

but sometimes, he would whine about being broke when he's with you🤡

would also be ready to make a presentation as to why you are his platonic soulmate.

please just agree with him so he won't be sad</3

last but not the least, gossiping.

literally, the two of you will not call it a day if you haven't talked about any issues at all.

so even if you were sleepy, he would call or text you in the middle of the night and be like, 'tea time?'

aaahh imagine how shock i was when i saw that this was about 2k words overall AHAHA. i know that akaashi's part seems a bit off but honestly i just imagine him being a bit mischevious and more open to people he's genuinely close with so yeah! i had so much fun writing but i feel bad becaue it was so long- anyway, thank you for reading!<3

[anika-ann]

Conundrum (A.B.)

Type: One-shot, challenge fic

Pairing: Andy Barber x fem!reader    Word Count: 7700 (:

Summary: conundrum - a confusing and difficult problem or question

Andy Barber is a difficult man whom you have yet to understand. He certainly doesn’t make it any easier; and right before Christmas, he manages to surprise you again.

Prompt: You have to look for a gift impromptu

Warnings: a smidge of angst, a drop of awkward humour, mention of death (mild AU - both Laurie and Jacob!), alcohol consumption, feels, explicit language, reader gets called a dumbass... that’s it I hope, lemme know

A/N:  This is my submission for the Happy Hoelidays challenge. There’s no hoeing tho, shame on me. Also, if you want some music to go with this, know that I listened to ‘God I Hope This Year Is Better Than the Last’ by SYML an obscene amount of times.

Andy Barber was an enigma.

Reporters liked to think he wasn’t; almost a year ago, they tore down all the walls he had built up to protect the privacy of his family and they shed light into startingly intimate details of his life – and where they couldn’t shed light, they used their imagination and sold it with a claim of having a reliable source. Naturally, it worked; there were always people willing to believe it just so they obtained more of juicy gossip material.

There were wanabe psychologists who would address his trauma and tried to analyse his personality, the consequences he would suffer in the aftermath of the tragedy, who attempted to strip down his soul just to get a few more reads and generally talked about him as if they were best friends, as if they knew him.

It was all a load of bullshit.

The truth, you thought, was that no one knew him. If you were being honest, you weren’t sure if even his wife ever had, truly – but that was you under the influence of the little information you bothered to gather from the influx of crap that the media provided the public with.

What you believed was that the reporters and all the self-proclaimed experts on him knew nada.

Andrew Barber was and always would remain an enigma; to the public, to the little what remained of his family after the death of his wife and son, to his co-workers – the category which included you. If you could even call yourself a co-worker; you were simply a secretary. Granted, one whose previous employer let her peek over their shoulder quite a bit so you learned a thing or two about law, but Andy Barber was the lawyer. The former DA from Boston, who moved over to rule the DA office of Portland, your home.

Even after having been working with him for nine full months, Andy’s thoughts and feelings didn’t get any easier for you to read or predict. When he wanted to let you know he was disappointed, he did. When he was truly angry with someone, well, he wouldn’t let it go unnoticed either.

Other than that, however, you would have had better luck trying to decode the actual enigma-encrypted messages sent during World War II.

Small talk didn’t last longer than three sentences from you each. Work-related affaires were discussed in his office with politeness and with calm, rather dispassionate mannerism. If you caught a hint of a smile when an important case that helped people went his way (or the office’s way really), you considered it a miracle that sent your heart reeling.

He would sometimes smile only for you if you brought him a coffee without him asking first, simply because he looked like he needed one; at those times, he would thank you softly and let slip in your first name instead of referring to you with your last. Those were your favourite moments.

Well, almost.

You found him with a tumbler and an expensive whiskey on occasion when you were leaving the office late; you never commented on it, but there were four times he actually silently invited you to have a glass with him. You refused the first time and accepted the other three.

Those nights, you got a glimpse of the mystery of a man hidden behind surprisingly soft mannerism, one which was in such a sharp contrast to his shark-like demeanour he displayed in front of the judge and the jury. His scars ran deep, his hopes had been shattered, his life in the past year as bitter as the overpriced liquor. Your heart cracked for him to the point of nearly breaking altogether.

And yet, it was beating for him too; behind all that hurt, you couldn’t but notice certain gentleness. Yes, he could be scary, downright terrifying and when his temper got the best of him, the true rage on display, he was a force to be reckoned with. But oh, that gentleness. The kind shattered soul he hid so well every morning, more so on the days right after your little heart-to-hearts. Trying to build a working relationship with him – a friendship of a sort, anything you wanted to call it – was a game of push and pull and more of a string of guesses than an effort that would bore fruit.

You might have already given up on that and instead, with the ferocity you hadn’t known you possessed, you kept punching the crush you had on him; that silly thing that would always call louder and louder after he revealed a piece of him on one of the precious nights, only to shut you out completely the next morning.

Andy Barber had never even remotely showed a romantic interest in you and by God, did you not blame him for not being interested in anyone at all as far you knew. While you considered yourself a fairly capable worker and half-decent person, you were aware you could never measure up to him. Just another reason to push down the feelings you had for him, ones that seemed to bloom with more intensity whenever he raised the corners of his damn lips, when he asked a question about you during those stupid nights as if he cared— nonsense. You had to get rid of those. He didn’t even like you, barely acknowledged you in the end. Or did he? You honestly didn’t know.

Bottom line was that if you couldn’t get close enough, then the reporters knew jack shit, no matter how much reading on him they had done or how many books on psychology, criminology and law and shit they went through. Many people knew Andrew Barber’s name, but no one could hope to know him.

And yet, those assholes still called and asked about him.

It was the fourth one that day; December 23rd, over a year from the accusation of Jacob Barber, and those fucking vultures still called Andy Barber’s office. They weren’t even good newspapers and news sites anymore; obviously, because every rational decent person would have let the poor man rest. But nope. Not them.

“Portland’s DA office, secretary of Mr. Barber speaking. How may I help you?”

“Oh, wonderful! Is there any chance I could talk to Mr. Barber personally?” the chipper of a man asked on the other end of the line and just by not giving his name, he raised suspicion; was it forgetfulness caused by his distress or intention?

Fortunately for him and unfortunately for you, you had to be polite. Hot-shot lawyers and other important people rarely returned the courtesy, but that was the world you lived in.

“There might be, Mr-?”

“Oh, Connor. Peter Connor.”

“Well, Mr. Connor, what is your legal issue?” you asked patiently, writing down his name automatically.

“Well, you see, I would rather talk with Mr. Barber about—my delicate situation, in private.”

Your eyes narrowed as you stopped scribbling and spared a brief glance towards the door to Andy’s office. It was opened ajar in what could be an invitation, but all blinds on both the door and the windows were down in typical fashion.

Talk in private?

Yeah, not gonna happen. You knew a few tricks that these assholes calling the office tended to pull and whoever this man was, you were growing more suspicious by the minute that he was not seeking legal advice.

You went back to your notes and wrote down the word liar right next to his name and a question mark. Was he a liar? One way to find out you guessed; you caught your phone between your ear and your shoulder, opening a new tab in your browser to google the name along with a wild guess of him being a reporter.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Connor, I’m afraid I will need more information before I put you through. And I will probably need to make you an appointment, my boss is a very busy man-“

“Oh, is he? Lots of cases in Andrew Barber’s new district, huh?”

The blood in your veins was set aflame even before the search was done, because in an instant, you knew for sure.

And then you had it confirmed by the results.

This jerk had even given you his real name, utterly shameless. Sure, he could have only had the same name as the journalist you found, but what were the chances? Two days after you told his colleague – who had made it through your vetting, got an appointment and even got past the reception desk before you spotted him for what he was – to get lost and not try again?

Your pulse skyrocketed along with your blood pressure. Technically, you didn’t owe Andrew Barber anything, but he was respectful enough, didn’t make much trouble and for most time, was an okay boss to you.

You owed him this much: he was a decent guy. Why couldn’t other people show a shed of basic human decency too and leave him the fuck alone?

“That depends, Mr. Connor,” you purred, barely holding the outrage locked inside. You felt both energized by your anger and achingly tired and done with humanity. You rested your elbows on the desk and leaned onto it with a sigh, massaging the bridge of your nose, eyes closed. “Is he going to have to sue your rag of a newspaper or will you and your colleagues finally get the memo and leave. His. Personal. Life. Alone?!”

You most definitely strained the last words through your teeth, but you didn’t care anymore if you were being rude. He was the fourth reporter today ready to ask about Andy’s personal matters. The FOURTH!! He was lucky you didn’t tell him to go fuck himself… explicitly.

“Are you threatening me?” the man demanded, his voice insulted, losing all traced of pretence.

As if you ever. You knew better than that, working with lawyers.

“Nice try, Mr. Connor.  I will thank you to never call this office again unless you have legal issues or a relevant question which you should direct to our PR department anyway. And if you could extend this to all editorial staff, please, preferably to all editorial staff in the United States, that would be splendid. Have a good day. Happy Holidays.”

You slammed the phone down, missing the slot for it, not caring. You were sure he would hang up on his own.

“Asshole,” you muttered under your breath and hid your face in your palms, grunting, fingertips sinking into your hair.

“I hope you don’t mean me,” sounded from the doorway and you yelped, honest to god yelped and straightened in your seat, head snapping up-

-only to meet your boss’ curious gaze. Hurt and anger casted shadows over his beautiful cerulean irises, but there was no mistaking the melancholy and resignation on his face either.

“Of course not!” you blurted out quickly, panic rising in your chest.

How much had he heard? Was he going to fire you for being unprofessional? Did he figure out what was this about— of course he did, there was little room left for doubt. Your choice of words was pretty straightforward.

Andy bounced off of the doorframe he was leaning onto, not easing his stance – his arms remained crossed over his chest and had you not been so alarmed, you would have indulged in the sight of his biceps nearly cutting through the seams of his shirt.

“Why do I get the impression that whoever you were talking to was not the first person to call the office to feed on ‘the misery man’ that Andrew Barber is?” he more stated than asked, his tone unmistakably bitter.

You gulped as he approached your desk, nails digging into your palms. You had no idea what to say. Once again, you couldn’t quite read Andy; you had no idea where this was heading and how you should answer without setting him off, making him sadder or even more bitter. And without getting fired, obviously.

“I—uhm, well, I suppose you heard me, so you know he wasn’t the first—Mr. Barber. I apologize-“ His eyebrows rose a fraction and you didn’t dare to analyse why. “-if I was too loud. But--- humanity sucks.”

The moment the last two words left your mouth, you instantly regretted them, snapping your eyelids close and squeezing. You were sure you were about to have bloody crescents in your palms from your nails at this point.

Did you really just say that? To your boss, no less?

Way to go, me.

“Not wrong there. Why don’t you take your lunch break now?” he offered casually.

You nodded as you felt the tell-tale burn of tears forming in your eyes; fuck, this was humiliating. Why had he had to walk in exactly in that moment? And now using that tone?

He didn’t say anything else and you didn’t dare to look at him. Only when you heard him walk back to his office and close the door behind him, you opened your eyes and released the breath you were holding, your heart hammering in your chest.

Gulping and swallowing your tears before they could escape, you grabbed your purse and your coat, rushing out to the cold air of Portland winter.

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Andy didn’t bring up the incident again when you came back. You had a short list of assignments for the upcoming days off which you went over with him before parting ways for the holidays. You mentioned you would probably drop in tomorrow despite not necessarily having to, but wished him Happy Holidays in case you’d miss him during your brief visit.

The corners of his lips twitched at that, but he wished you the same. You supposed his holidays weren’t about to be happy – more like the opposite. Last year, he celebrated with his family, even if it might have been already falling apart. This year however…

Your heart cracked another fraction for the man and you wondered if you should leave some cookies for him in the office tomorrow at least. Then you realized he would probably hate it, either being bitter about feeling like a charity case or hating the reminder of what he had lost, what wasn’t waiting for him at home anymore. Not to mention that maybe even the poinsettia, which you had placed on his office window two days ago and neither of you commented on, was already too much.

The only cookies you baked that night were the ones you knew should stay in a box with apples for over a day, the cookies you were supposed to bring to your sister’s house for Christmas, because your nephew Harry loved them.

With cheesy Christmas songs in the background and a bottle of wine for the party of one, you kneaded the double batch of dough and couldn’t but spare your achingly handsome and likely lonely boss a thought and maybe… maybe a tear or two.

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The office was empty when you arrived on 24th at around half past four; everyone left as soon as possible, which was to be expected. Admittedly, despite not knowing what you would talk about with Andy, you found your heart sinking when you didn’t see light peeking through the blinds of your and his offices. You had expected him to be working to avoid being at home; but then again, you knew next to nothing about him. Maybe he was with a girlfriend. With a boyfriend. With former colleagues. With his deceased wife’s family. It was only assumption of yours that he might be lonely on Christmas.

You shook your head at your train of thought as you unlocked your office, mentally going over which files you needed to bring home, trying to eliminate the amount as not to endanger confidential information by taking them away from the safety of the bureau.

You froze in your tracks when you found a rather large piece of paper folded into a roof on your desk. A note, you realized, frowning and slowly walking to the suspicious object.

There were very few people who could enter your space, namely three: the janitor, you and Andy. The first option was unlikely, the second impossible, the third confusing. You didn’t understand why he wouldn’t just shoot you a text if he needed anything.

You halted in your steps, the air knocked out of your lungs when you noticed that the note was not the only new item on your desk.

There was a box.

A box roughly size of your extended palm. And if you weren’t mistaken… it looked like a jewellery gift box.

“What the hell?” you asked yourself breathlessly, your curiosity getting the best of you; more so as you recognized what was most definitely Andy’s handwriting on the paper.

Andrew Barber, your boss, with whom you weren’t sure what your relationship was – if there was any at all – might have got you jewellery.

Say that again?

A tiny voice in your head told you he might have just used the box for something else entirely, but that didn’t seem to be his style.

So you picked up the gift carefully, almost reverently removing the lid, your heart pounding in your chest, stomach twisting with pleasant anticipation; with the familiar rush that kids feel when opening a present with high hopes of what could await them inside.

Your lips parted in pure shock, you mind turning blank.

There were no words in English language to express how… how absolutely magnificent the bracelet inside was.

Five thin circles with symbols made of slender lines inside, looking like charms, but withing the body of the bracelet, one clasped to the next one with delicate ellipses. The metal reflected the fluorescent lights of the office, glimmering softly, appearing almost fluid, a thin stream of water trapped in a box.

You actually had to blink and it took all your willpower not to pinch yourself, because—how-

How had he known? Where had he got it? Holy mother of Jesus, how much had he spent on it?

And why get you a gift in the first place? You were… acquaintances at best. Yes, there were almost friendly moments, and then there were those nights, but this was---this- you couldn’t even---- think, apparently.

Keeping an eye on the opened box, you gently placed it back on the desk, afraid to even touch the metal itself. You blindly reached into your purse in search for your phone to dial the only number that made sense for you to dial at that moment.

It sure as hell wasn’t Andy’s.

Nothing but a dialling tone sounded for half a minute, the time seemingly endless. You fell heavily into your chair, still staring at the absolutely gorgeous and thoughtful gift.

How did he know?!

You fought the urge to roll your eyes as your sister still didn’t answer the phone and your hand automatically reached for your necklace to toy with.

And that was when it hit you.

Your necklace; one you got from your sister during the period of your biggest obsession with the Divergence series. Two arrows in a circle pointing different directions, the symbol for a ‘divergent’ person. Your eyes wandered over the five circles of the bracelet – scales, an eye, hands connected, a flame, a tree –, an incredulous chuckle escaping you.

But--- you didn’t think he would notice. You didn’t even wear it all the time, rather often, yes, and yeah, perhaps you did have a bit of a bad habit of fumbling with it when nervous-

“Hey sis! What’s up?” Amber’s voice sounded cheerily from the microphone. You jumped in your seat, startled by her as she interrupted your musing. “Please tell me you’re still coming, because Harry wouldn’t shut up about his favourite chocolate chip.”

You cleared your throat, barely able to comprehend what she was talking about, too caught up in your head.

“I—hi. Uhm- I need help actually,” you finally stuttered and you could practically feel her frown even over the phone.

“Oh? Is everything okay? You sound… a little strange.”

“That’s-“ not wrong. You scanned the office and listened in for the tinniest noise, making sure you were still alone. “I’m at the office and I--eh, I found a gift for me.”

“Awww, a secret admirer? Nice!” Amber chuckled, then abruptly stopped. “…unless it’s a stalker. You don’t think you have a stalker, right? Is that why you called me, so I could tell George? He’s not on duty-“

This time you did roll your eyes at the mention of her husband who happened to be a police officer.

“No, Amber, I have no stalker as far as I know. I’m pretty sure I can recognize my boss’ handwriting at this point.”

Nothing but silence could be heard from the other end for a good minute. You bit your lip in anticipation of… something.

And then: “You’re shitting me.”

“Not really-“

“Holy mother of-!” your sister squealed loudly and you winced, instinctively withdrawing from the phone. “Your boss got you a Christmas present?! --Wait. Is it a Walmart card? Because if it is, then this call is pointless, because that’s boring as-“

“No, Amber, he—he gave me a bracelet,” you admitted softly, your gaze once again wandering over the said object. Beautiful. Fragile. Yours, apparently. What?

When Amber only responded with silence again, words suddenly spilled from your lips, all the mixed feelings you had about receiving the bracelet released, relief singing in your veins as you vented.

“And-and it’s actually really beautiful and--- it’s thoughtful, because it has all the fractions from Divergence on it? But not like something you buy for ten dollars, only paying for the copyright or whatever and the quality is shitty, no, I mean--- it looks pretty, eh, delicate.”

It did, awfully so, which was why you still couldn’t make yourself to touch it even if you really, really liked it and wanted to do nothing but to wear it for the rest of your damn life.

“And expensive. I-- I think it might be real silver and…” you wavered, almost scared to share your last observation out loud for it seemed impossible for it to be true. “Amber, you know I looked through a lot of Divergence-related goods so I would know. It- it doesn’t look familiar at all, it’s--- I think it might be custom-made.”

You choked on the last word, tasting so strange on your tongue as you couldn’t quite believe that you were saying it. You felt--- incredulous to put it simply… and touched and- absolutely bewildered.

Silence stretched in the follow-up to your rambling and you felt your brows drawing together.

“…Amber? You there?”

“Oh yeah, I’m here,” she assured you swiftly, mischief curling around the tone of her voice like a smirk on her lips you couldn’t see. “Just wondering how could you not tell me you started sleeping with him-“

“What?! No!” you protested instantly, straightening in the chair. “I’m not—I’m not his sugar baby or whatever! This is not a ‘thank you for letting me fuck you raw’ gift-“

“Not that you would complain from what I heard and saw-“ she hummed playfully.

She was right. But shush!

“Screw you!”

“George does, that’s why we have Harry in the first place,” she sassed you. “But… sis? What kind of a gift it is then?”

And wasn’t that the question.

“I… I don’t know.”

“Well, you should, because from what you told me, you guys aren’t even friends. Nota bene, this isn’t exactly a gift you give to a friend,” she pointed out, addressing one of the million issues concerning the damn (gorgeous) bracelet.

“I-- I guess?” You were sure, in fact. This was something to give to a… well, to a lover, to a partner. “But- Amber, he doesn’t--- that’s not-“

“What did the note say?”

“Huh?”

“You said you recognized his handwriting,” she reminded you slowly as if speaking to a five-year-old. “What does the note say?”

You glanced at the note again noncommittally, remembering exactly what it said. Pretty much nothing. Definitely nothing to go on.

“Uhm… Thank you. Happy Holidays.”

There was a beat of silence, again. “That’s it?”

“Well, yeah.”

“Eloquent.” You rolled your eyes at her sarcastic tone. She should see him at court. True though, on personal level, he wasn’t exactly chatty. Unless he opened up a bit over a glass of whiskey--- anyway, she had a point, obviously. “What are you gonna do?”

That snapped you from your musing like a shot of life into your bloodstream.

“That’s why I’m calling! I should-- I should get him something too, right?” Right?! Absolutely. “Oh god, I hate last-minute shopping. And I don’t even have a fucking clue what to buy! Well, a good whiskey is always a safe bet I guess, but supporting his drinking habits doesn’t sound like a good idea. Plus, it’s kinda… impersonal with comparison to what he gave me.”

Though if there was one thing you learned about Andy Barber, it was that he could appreciate the high-quality liquor, so perhaps it wouldn’t have been as impersonal as one might think.

“Well, I don’t know him so I can’t really help, but what you got from him should definitely give you a clue.”

“A clue?” you parroted, confused.

“I don’t mean like a clue for what you should buy him. But… look, even if you didn’t suspect that it’s custom-made, which whoa, he has to pay a lot of attention to buy you something like this. Much more attention than you thought.”

“…okay?”

“He likes you, you dumbass! It doesn’t matter what you get him, he’ll be happy you got him anything in the first place!”

“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard,” you deadpanned, unsure which statement you were referring to. That he liked you or that you shouldn’t take care to choose something that would really bring him at least a little joy.

You tried your best to ignore how your heart skipped the beat at the former.

“Whatever. Harry’s throwing a hungry eye on me, I gotta go fix him a snack unless I want him to eat all the candy again. Good luck!”

“Amber!“ you called out in honest despair, panic rising in your chest, only to get no answer.

You pulled the phone from your ear to look at the screen, already knowing what awaited you.

Disconnected.

Fuck.

It seemed you were on your own. Wasn’t that wonderful?

You shot your sister a simple ‘I hate you’ text, the gears in your head already turning frantically in order to figure out what you could get Andy.  

Amber replied with a set of laughing emojis within seconds. Bitch, leaving you alone to deal with a situation like this! What a sister she was.

You sighed, admiring the delicate lines of the bracelet again, torn between indulgence and guilt. There was no questioning whether you should buy Andy something too.

Say yay for the last-minute shopping for a man out of your league and whom you had no idea what you should get.

You were utterly at loss, growing anxious not only about the difficult choice of a gift, but also about possible delivery, wondering what should you even tell him and when.

Maybe though…. just maybe, you were getting kinda excited about what you were about to do too.

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Three hours.

You spent almost three hours at the mall where you could barely breathe because of the crazy crowds and yet you were none the wiser; your excitement left you quickly, once again replaced by despair. It took you three hours and passing the lingerie shop four times, a shop with pieces on display that barely covered anything, intended for either bedroom games or a swimming pool, before it finally hit you.

You cursed under your breath, calling yourself an idiot in murmur loud enough to have few people around you look at you in surprise.

“Dumbass, I’m such a dumbass,” you continued your monologue as you fished out your phone, quickly scrolling through your contacts.

To say that the person on the other end was shocked to hear from you at this time of month and hour was an understatement.

“Yeah, I’m sorry, Lee. I have… eh, a favour to ask…”

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You were being ridiculous.

Absolutely and utterly ridiculous as you stood on a modest porch in front of a small family house, the roof hiding you from the intrusive drizzle but not keeping you quite safe from the wind as you clutched your handbag to your side as if it was your lifeline, cursing yourself for not wearing a scarf in December.

Your nose was practically freezing, your cheeks burned from the wind and your hands were cold too, because you were stupidly underdressed; as if you haven’t lived in Portland your whole life.

But that wasn’t the main issue; an Uber dropped you off about five minutes ago and still, here you were, standing outside and trying to convince yourself to ring the bell.

The plan had been to finish packing a bag and leave around 10 p.m. to your sister’s house, where you would spend the night so you could be with her family on Christmas Day from the very beginning. But then Andrew fucking Barber, your fabulous boss, left a gift in your office, a breath-taking bracelet now sitting low on your right wrist, and it all went to hell.

Maybe you could still make it to your sister’s house – it was shortly after nine, your bag waiting on your bed, so maybe you should just call another Uber and be on your way. Maybe you could leave the silly envelope in the post-box just so you wouldn’t have to deal with Andy’s reaction; after all, he had chosen the same approach; cookies be damned, there would be more left for Harry then-

But you really, really wanted to thank him. And you might be shitting your pants, but the prospect of seeing him in a domestic environment, possibly more relaxed, perhaps nearing the man you had had the honour to see on those nights… you couldn’t make yourself to pass on that opportunity.

At the same time, you kept reminding yourself that Andy did not expect to see you tonight, he might not even be home – you were pretty sure a dim light was coming from the living room, the TV on probably, but yeah, you could keep lying to yourself – and that he might be grieving and genuinely might hate you for invading his privacy since you had to search his home address in the official documents.

Yeah, you definitely should just spin on your heels and-

“Oh for God’s sake,” you muttered under your breath and pressed the doorbell, your heart suddenly hammering in your ribcage as you realized there were no takebacks now. “Shit.”

Maybe you should just run. What if he had fallen asleep already and you just woke him up?! Oh, he was so going to be pissed and he might even show that emotion, screaming you down like he did one with that intern-

A scruffle on the other side of the door snapped you from your hopeless expectations and you sucked in a horrified breath.

And then the door slid open before you could react and you were certain you looked like a deer caught in the headlights, a semi-frozen deer to make the situation worse and--- there he was.

You quickly dropped your gaze, only then realizing how rude that was and that you should meet his eye no matter how much you did and did not want to do so at the same time. As you gaze travelled up, you found that a domestic Andy was everything you imagined he would be; black socks, loose dark grey sweats, pale t-shirt slightly wrinkled. One of his arms hung loosely by his side, the other still at the door-knob as you continued your inspection, gaze caressing the line of his bare forearm, reaching the sleeves that were hugging his biceps precisely. Broad shoulders, perfectly trimmed beard framing plush lips with the slightest hint of a curious smile.

You smiled awkwardly as your eyes met his watching you with interest, dimmed with a hint of a doze-off you must have woken him up from. You tried not to dwell on the inconspicuous redness surrounding his irises.

“I’m sorry if I woke you up!” you blurted out quickly, rewarded with a light shake of his head and a stifled yawn; subtle.

“You didn’t. Hi,” he greeted you, only to make you realize that 1. you forgot to say hi and 2. his post-nap voice was a thing from wet dreams-- which was definitely not relevant at that moment.

“Hi,” you offered unsurely, eyes roaming his face, searching for any trace of anger. All you found was bewilderment; if pleasant or not, you couldn’t tell.

“I’m sorry for barging in. I just… uhm- I wanted to thank you and-“

The hint of a smile on his lips grew a fraction, expression softening at your admission and before you could find your footing, he opened the door further, subtly extending his hand to usher you in.

Your heart skipped a beat, the strangest feeling tickling your gut, teeth sinking into your lower lip, the grip on your handbag growing stronger. Yet you accepted, taking two reluctant steps inside. The door clicked shut behind you, sealing whatever fate awaited you.

Attempting not to look too nosy, you turned back to Andy rather than scanning the hall.

Words got stuck in your throat. As tired as he looked, worn to a bone by everything but physical exercise, you couldn’t but marvel at what a handsome man he was, even without his smart suits and ties and neatly styled fluffy hair; it was still very fluffy, just more of a mess than a fashion statement.

God, wasn’t he beautiful.

He kept looking at you too in mute anticipation of something, appearing mildly lost just as you were, giving the impression of a man who couldn’t tell what to expect.

Your gaze locked with his, unyielding, a gorgeous trap and you knew you had to say or do something before your heart gave out entirely.

Your mouth opened, no words coming out and you cursed yourself, simply opening the bag and pulling out a Tupperware box with half the cookies you baked last night, practically shoving it to Andy’s capable hands.

He accepted the item with eyebrows shooting up once before settling back, eyes misting for a moment. His fingertips brushed yours as he took a firm hold of the box, the not-quite-there smile of his remaining on his lips.

He seemed perplexed.

You felt like an idiot.

“This feels so silly now,” you admitted with a sigh, realizing the absurdity of the situation only accented by the fact that you stood there in the hall of his home in your coat and high-boots, ridiculously overdressed in comparison to him.

“It’s not,” he whispered finally, forcing the corners of his mouth to rise higher. “Thank you. Didn’t know you baked. Should have figured.”

You shrugged. “Never came up.”

Something shifted in his expression as did in the air; you knew he sensed it too. The unspoken hung between you, that you meant not in your daily routine at the office, but on your private nights, so rare and precious, so desperately pretended to be non-existent the next morning.

Your gaze lowered as the silence fell on your pair again and you awkwardly shifted your weight from one leg to the other. His Adam’s apple bobbed.

“So, uh-“

“Thank you for the bracelet. Really. It was-” you licked your lips, meeting his eyes again, so deep, so blue and somehow soft and you forgot what you were about to say. “Eh- I wasn’t expecting it. I-- I didn’t think you’d… notice. And--- care.”

His brows furrowed for a bit and he placed the box on the shoe rack next to him; an action he soon regretted you guessed, because his fingers went for his wrist as if he wanted to readjust his cufflinks, a nervous habit of his, only to meet bare skin. Good to know you weren’t the only one iffy in this conversation.

“But you liked it?” he asked almost shyly and the corners of your lips rose on instinct as did you right hand, the sleeve of your coat sliding down a fraction, enough to reveal the new accessory.  “Looks pretty on you.”

Your breath hitched as his fingers gently slid over one of the symbols, brushing over the sensitive skin of your wrist. His gaze returned to yours, a flicker of something heated in his eyes, calling butterflies to your stomach.

Lord have mercy.

“Thanks- uhm--- thank you. Here, I got you something too.” You quickly reached into the handbag again to hide how flustered you felt – for a different reason than awkwardness.

He had touched your wrist and you turned into a blushing mess. Fabulous. And to make the matter more humiliating, now a twinkle of amusement played in his irises.

“You gave me a plant. And cookies.”

“Yeah. Kinda? But that was more of a… gesture?” you offered reluctantly as you handed him the envelope. “I uh—this is probably stupid, but, uhm--- here.”

“Stop putting yourself down,” he muttered darkly, causing your cheeks to burn hotter. “Thank you. You didn’t have to get me anything.” Pulling out the firm colourful paper, he blinked a few times, seemingly surprised. Ha, you bet he expected a Walmart card! Instead, there was a voucher for five entrances to the swimming pool where your friend Lee worked at. “Oh. Thank you. That’s really nice of you.”

A stone the size of Texas fell from your stomach and you couldn’t help the sigh of relief. Andy seemed genuinely pleased by your choice of gift and you felt your whole body relax.

“It’s just… eh, just for half an hour each and you can pick them on a horizon of three months. I’m not sure how often you like going, so… uhm, my friend works at the place, so you just give her a call and it shouldn’t be a problem to book it for mornings right before the opening hours,” you explained lamely, earning a puzzled look.

“How did you know I liked going when no one’s there?”

That caused one corner of your lips twitch in slight amusement and your eyebrow arch, even if his reasons weren’t exactly funny; his cheeks flushed a hint of red, a sight to behold for more than one reason. It was nice to have the roles reserved, you making him feel flustered for once.

Really? The rather quiet lone-wolf Andy Barber, followed by reporters still, just asked you this? Cute.

“…that’s fair,” he said and for a brief second, you were afraid you had shared your thoughts out loud. But he didn’t look offended, so probably not. The self-awareness then. “Thank you.”

“No problem. I’m-eh, glad you like it.”

You stood there again, both smiling – a little reluctantly, a little soft – and once again you had no idea how to proceed.

What you did know was that you enjoyed talking to him, even if it was awkward like this. You enjoyed seeing him in his natural habitat, in his home, relatively relaxed. You thrived seeing more of this Andy Barber, just a handsome guy, not Andrew Barber, the hot-shot lawyer.

He was the first to break the silence, hesitantly gesturing further into the house.

“Would you—would you like to-“

YES! was what you brain screamed.

“Oh, I don’t want to be a bother…” was what you told him, mentally cuffing yourself on the head.

“You’re not,” Andy opposed lowly. The whisper of your name that followed made you shiver.

His gazed trailed all over your face, so intense you would swear he saw right into your soul and further. You felt naked, but for some reason not too vulnerable – Andy seemed to like what he saw, expression genuinely inviting and yet. Yet there was a subtle promise of this not being a friendly invite which was as exciting as unsettling. The air appeared the crackle and you found yourself yearning to taste the electricity on your tongue.

“May I?”

He beckoned to your coat, suddenly free hands already rising and all you could do was to nod, automatically placing your handbag on the floor and unbuttoning the garment. Once if fell open, revealing simple black jeggings and a light pink sweater, Andy sidestepped you, fingers sliding under the hem, cautiously skimming over the bare skin above your collarbones, leaving a burning sensation in their wake.

The warmth of his fingertips seeped into your flesh and yet you shuddered, goosebumps rising on your skin.

You watched Andy put your coat away with care, turning back to you torturously slowly. He filled all of your personal space, so close and too far. You weren’t sure when exactly the air turned so heavy in your lungs, but as your gaze travelled to his lips, not missing how his sought yours in return, you felt all the oxygen leave the room.

“Andy,” the word rolled off your tongue, nothing but a soundless breath of his name.

His gaze flickered from your eyes to your lips again and back before he spoke, voice barely above a whisper, hoarse.  

“Am I imagining it?”

He didn’t have to say what and still you knew with absolute certainty that he was addressing the unbearable and delicious tension, the one that had been building and coming to life during those three nights you had spent talking in his office late--- and now it was back with smouldering intensity.

“You’re not.”

You shivered and gulped when he cautiously took a single little step further into your space, your gaze falling to his chest, lowering in sudden surge of the deep-rotted insecurity, whispering about your and his world being thousands of miles apart. And yet, your heart raced in anticipation, your hopes dizzyingly high that you might touch heaven, even if for a few moments.  

When his fingertips grasped your jaw, tough light and oh so careful, your eyelids fluttered close, already indulging in the sensation. God, his touch was so soft despite the roughness of his fingertips…

As if he wished to torture you or to indulge that sweet little moment before lips met lips, he stopped an inch from his destination, his breaths as wavering as yours, the words whispered straight into your mouth just a little broken.

“I’m fucked up.”

Your brain basked in blissful fog, but this got across, causing you to tense briefly.

You couldn’t deny what he was saying, you both knew he spoke the ultimate truth – well, you guessed. What had happened to him, having his life dismantled and then losing his family, that sort of thing was bound to leave a scar. Confirming it bluntly though, that felt unforgiving, only adding insult to injury.

“We all are,” you whispered instead, not only because you wouldn’t say ‘fucked up’, the words too harsh.

And it wasn’t trivializing the tragic turn his life had taken. It wasn’t downplaying the depth of his wounds. It wasn’t necessarily implying that you had been through something equally horrible either. Most importantly, it wasn’t you mocking him.

And somehow, he understood that; even if he could have interpreted it in every wrong way imaginable and shove you away, insulted, disgusted.

But no, in that fleeting moment that meant everything, Andy understood that this was your acceptance; this was you telling him that you were willing to try; take whatever he offered and give anything you could in return.

Finally, his lips brushed over yours, slightly chapped and oh so warm and delicious, withdrawing too soon, leaving you to savour the taste as your ran your tongue over your own lips. You inhaled shakily, overwhelmed by everything that was him, powerful, electrifying and then your hand was somehow on his chest, your palm laid over his racing heart, your fingers twitching as his ribcage expanded with a sharp inhale.

Blindly, your mouth searched his again, his whiskers tickling softly and scratching at once, a pleasant sensation on your sensitive skin as he grew bolder, and truly attached your lips in a kiss that made you feel lightheaded with the emotion poured into it. Your hand curled around his nape, an instinct to pull him closer, fingers toying with the short soft hair there, drawing a hum from within the expanse of his chest.

You granted him access to your mouth when he wordlessly asked, but it was him who retreated shortly after that, his heart now appearing as if in pain with its furious beats under your palm. His breaths started coming out short and it dawned to you what was wrong. How fast this could have felt to him, even if he was the one to start it.

‘I’m fucked up,’ he had said. Too caught in the moment, you hadn’t fully realized the extent of his words perhaps.

But you did now – at least a little better than before.

So when he rested his forehead against yours and a breathless ‘sorry’ slipped from his lips, you shook your head lightly and planted a kiss on his cheek, hand still on the back of his head, fingers running over his scalp in a hopefully soothing motion.

“I’ve got you, Andy. You lead.”

You had no strength to keep him close when he pulled his face away, your eyes snapping open in fright that you had said something terribly wrong.

But Andy’s cerulean eyes were big and glassy, grateful and softly speaking about him being… moved by your proposition. Your heart felt like it just grew twice its size, too big to fit into your chest at what a breath-taking picture he was.

The next thing you knew, he dropped a chaste kiss to your forehead and pulled you into his arms, an almost protective embrace, kissing the top of your head for a good measure and you melted against his large frame, smiling into t-shirt.

“Thank you,” he murmured breathlessly into your hair and your smile widened, remembering the note he had left with the exquisite gift that had started everything that led you right here into this moment.

“Happy Holidays.”

Thank you for reading! I’ve been sitting on this since the beginning of damn November. I hope you enjoyed.

It was my first (and maybe last) time writing Andy, so I hope it was alright. Feedback always appreciated.

P.S. – sorry if the nosy reporters thing offended you.

P.P.S. - …I know, the prompt was veeery loosely filled. Shush.

Pretty divider by whismicalrogers.

[whimsicalfay]

Adrien, the true main character of Miraculous Ladybug. (And the reasons why this show doesn't work anymore).

Yes, I'm going to write a whole dissertation on this and no one is going to stop me. No, I don't like Marinette, but not because she's a creepy and annoying character, but because she's bland a boring. Yes, I'll elaborate on that, but firstly lest talk about what makes a good protagonist!

1.They have a problem that needs solving. What does this mean? That your protagonist needs to have some sort of conflict going on, it can be internal or external, but it has to matter to them and it has to drive them to act. It has to be personal. The protagonist has to be central to the story and to the conflict, it has to revolve around them.

2.A protagonist needs to take action. This means that they move the plot forward, because the conflict of the story is about them so every decision they make and every action they take ends up affecting the whole course of things.

3.A protagonists needs to have reasons to take action. This is and point two come hand in hand. The conflict needs to be of importance to the protagonist so they can have believable reasons to take action.

4.The protagonist has something to lose. If things go wrong, or even if they go well, something has to be a stake. That little thing that's a stake has to be the motivation, the reason, to take action. It has to be important enough to force the protagonist to take risks that otherwise they wouldn't even consider, because they can't afford to lose that something.

5.The protagonist has something to gain. Again we have things a stake here. If they do the things right they'll get a reward, something to look forward to. Without something to gain for the protagonist, why even bother to try, right?

6.A good protagonist has the capacity to change. A MC needs to learn along the way, they need to grow and show development. They need to learn from their experiences, otherwise they'll be making the same mistakes over and over again and that's not engaging.

7.A good protagonist has to have compelling personality traits and flaws. The MC needs to have something that makes the audience loves them, but also a trait that needs improvement because otherwise they wouldn't have the capacity to change.

8.A good protagonist has a secret and a very good reason to keep that secret.

9.A good protagonist has a good antagonist. The villain has to be of importance to the protagonist. Why are they enemies? Why the MC needs to stop the villain? Why does it matter?

10.A good protagonist knows that they want and makes the story happen.

And based on those characteristics we can start crafting our MC, that one person that we will have to follow throughout the whole story, the character we have to root for and relate to. The one who makes us care about the events of the story. And once we have crafted our main character we start crafting our story around them, usually following the three art structure or the hero's journey structure. Since this is a superheros show, it makes more sense to use the hero's journey, right? So let's write down this structure following both Adrien and Marinette's stories.

Marinette.

●The ordinary world: This is the original world of the hero, which "suffers from a symbolic deficiency." The hero is lacking something, or something is taken from them.

We get to experience Marinette ordinary world the first episode. We watch her interact with her parents, parents that absolutely adore her and support her on everything. We learn her family has a bakery shop and that it's the best of Paris. She isn't lacking anything, nothing has been taken from her. Her life is perfect and normal. She has a best friend, she has a wonderful part time job as a babysitter for a famous reporter, she has loving parents and goes to a good school. She lives good and nothing of that is in danger. She doesn't lack anything. She is presented as this perfect girl with an amazing life. A little bit silly, yes, but that's actually a good trait because isn't she adorable? Oh, she's lacking a love life I guess.

●The call to adventure: The hero is given a challenge, problem, or adventure. Often it appears as a blunder, or chance. This stage establishes the goal of the hero.

Marinette gets the chance to become Ladybug. Why her? Because she was a nice citizen that helped an old man and that's enough. Why does it matter if she becomes a superhero? Is that a blunder or a chance? Why? We already established that a good protagonist needs to have a conflict to solve, and usually the call to adventure is the first step the MC takes to solve that problem. Does the MC wants to become rich to help their poor family? Well, their call to adventure, the inciting incident, would be getting the opportunity to participate in a poker tournament where the winner gets 20M dollars. That is their call to adventure. But what's Marinette's call to adventure? In the ordinary world we learned that she isn't lacking anything, that nothing was taken from her. Refusing to become Ladybug wouldn't have changed anything for her. Yeah, she is a nice person and wanted to fight crime because she's that noble, but that's hardly personal. It doesn't have weight and the audience won't care.

●THE REFUSAL OF THE CALL: The (often) reluctant hero has to be set along the correct path. They must weigh the consequences and be excited by a stronger motivation to proceed further.

Well, she had a moment of doubt before accepting to become Ladybug, but I didn't see the strong motivation that made her to proceed further. Remember that the motivation has to be personal and it has to matter. If it doesn't matter to the MC then it'll matter less for the audience.

●MEETING WITH THE MENTOR: The hero encounters a wise figure who prepares them for the journey. This figure (or item) gives advice, guidance, or an item, but cannot go with the hero.

Nothing to add here because it's pretty obvious that the mentor is that old man (forgot his name) and the item she gets is Tikki.

●CROSSING THE THRESHOLD: The hero has committed to his task, and enters the special world. Often he is met by a threshold guardian.

Nothing to add here either. Crossing the threshold for Marinette was turning into Ladybug for the first time and deciding it's what she wanted to do. Although her reasond to want it to do it are none existent.

●TESTS, ALLIES, AND ENEMIES: In the special world, the hero learns the new rules by meeting people and obtaining new information. There is often a "local watering hole" component. This is where the true characteristics of the hero are revealed.

She meets Chat Noir, she also learns about her enemy Hawk Moth, we see her making new friends and frenemies and what not. The thing is nothing of that feels important because she doesn't have a reason to be doing all that. There's no inner conflict, no goal other than to chase after Adrien. Yes, little problems raise for here here and there, but are not relevant to the big scheme of things. Her goals are momentary and achieved by the end of each chapter.

Now will get to a part that hasn't happened yet, but we can guess.

●APPROACH TO THE INNERMOST CAVE: Now our hero, and often his allies, have come to the edge of the dangerous place where the "object of the quest" is hidden. This stage often is the land of the dead.

This doesn't matter because, again, Marinette has nothing to lose or gain (nothing important at least, only short lived goals with no relation to the plot). She has no reason to be doing all that other than just to be a good citizen and that isn't interesting.

●THE SUPREME ORDEAL: The hero faces danger, often a life-or-death moment that is either physical or psychological.

Again, why should we care if Marinette faces danger when we know she doesn't even has a reason of weight to be there in the first place? How we, as the audience, are supposed to root for her when she doesn't have anything to lose or gain from that supreme ordeal?

●REWARD, OR SEIZING THE SWORD: After surviving, our hero takes possession of the object, typically a treasure, weapon, knowledge, token, or reconciliation.

It doesn't matter. If Marinette wins why should we feel like it all finally paid off when she didn't even have a reason to be there or something she wanted to gain? It's just silly. Unless that reward is Adrien's love, which would be pathetic and boring because this is not supposed to be a love story.

●THE ROAD BACK: The hero must now deal with the consequences of their actions. They may be pursued by remaining forces. They now face the decision to return to the ordinary world.

●RESURRECTION: One final test is required for the purification and rebirth of the hero. Alternatively, it may be a miraculous transformation.

●RETURN WITH THE ELIXIR: The triumphant hero returns to the ordinary world bearing the elixir. Common elixirs are treasure, love, freedom, wisdom, or knowledge. A defeated hero is doomed to repeat the lesson.

I didn't add anything to the last three points because I would just be repeating myself for like the fourth time. Why should we care about the consequences of Marinette defeating Hawk Moth? Why should we care if she goes back to her ordinary world when she didn't even have a reason to leave it? And that's justs makes the two other points unimportant.

That's Marinette's hero's journey. If we can call that a journey, because so far we haven't seen her face trials and dangers, and with this what I want to say is that she hasn't faced anything that threatens what she holds dear, not for real at least. When she faced the possibility of her best friend getting angry at her because she messed with something that was important to her? Oh, that was no biggie! After all Alya knew that would end up happening and was prepared for that, silly Marinette for even worrying! When she literally commits a crime and steals her crush's phone? Why she should worry? She even go rewarded by getting invited to the movies!

Marinette has no flaws (at least to the writers' eyes) to fix, nothing to gain (besides Adrien) because she already has everything, nothing to lose because everyone adores her and because she's so perfect she could never do anything wrong. That's a boring MC. Yes, she's quirky and pretty but that's no enough to make her MC material. She has the characterization of a support character at best. That's awful.

Now let's see Adrien's journey, shall we?

●THE ORDINARY WORLD: We learn that Adrien is a famous model with a rich father and absent mother (we later learn that she "disappeared"). His life is heavily controlled by his father and his assistant, to the point he can't even go to school like a normal kid or make friends, all because he has a reputation to maintain, after all he's a famous model. He's not happy with his life, he would like to experience normal teenager's experiences like going out with friends or attending school. That's his ordinary world. What he lacks is freedom, autonomy and love, and what was taken from him was his mother. There you have inner conflict, a problem that needs to be solved.

●THE CALL TO ADVENTURE: Adrien receives the opportunity to become a hero. It'd be a challenge, a problem and an adventure all at once for him. A challenge because he'll have to find ways to get away from his controlling father without getting caught, which can cause him problems, but is also the adventure he has waiting for, the opportunity to be free, that little thing he was lacking in his life. He decides to become Chat Noir because is the right thing, but also because it'll give him something that he always wanted: the opportunity to be himself. For him it's personal. And hey, maybe later on he could use his new cool superpowers to find out about his mom, right?

●THE REFUSAL OF THE CALL: He could get in so much troubles with his father for accepting this opportunity, it could also damage his career as a model. He has every reason to say no, but also every reason to say yes because he'll get to be what he always wanted. Is an opportunity he can't let go and he knows it.

●MEETING WITH THE MENTOR: Just like in Marinette's case his mentor is that old man. It's basically the same here.

●CROSSING THE THRESHOLD: This point is also similar to Marinette's. He also crossed the threshold the first time he transformed into Chat Noir, the only difference is that for him it matters and we know exactly why. It matters because he'll get the opportunity to be himself, to be free, to escape his real life.

●TESTS, ALLIES, AND ENEMIES: Also similar to Marinette's. He meets Ladybug, he starts to attend school so he makes new friends/allies, he meets his enemy Hawk Moth. We also learn a lot more about him watching his interactions with his new allies and watching him go through his tests. And most importantly, we learn that Hawk Moth is his father.

The next points haven't happened yet, but we can guess. We'll ignore the travesty they did to his character in season 4 and we'll just keep following the hero's journey like the writers should have done.

●APPROACH TO THE INNERMOST CAVE: He's getting closer to the enemy, but the closer he gets the dangerous it gets. Not only for Chat Noir, but for Adrien too, because let's remember that his father is Hawk Moth and that he knows, or suspects at least, that his son might be Chat Noir. He also did something creepy to his wife, the mother Adrien adores and misses so much. There's so much to lose, so much at stake.

●THE SUPREME ORDEAL: Adrien faces his father, Hawk Moth. He finds out the truth and that for sure will be the hardest thing ever for him. Imagine learning that your father is the one responsible for all the bad things happening in Paris, that he is the big evil you so badly wanted to defeat. His father was not perfect, but it was still his father and now he has to make a choice. What's more important to him? Family or duty? Can Chat Noir take down Adrien's father? If Chat Noir takes him down, would Adrien be able to forgive himself? Could he live with that?

●REWARD, OR SEIZING THE SWORD: He either fight his father or they talk, get to some sort of agreement/reconciliation or bails out. What will he do? And depending on his choice, how is his road back going to be?

●THE ROAD BACK: He'll have to deal with the consequences of the choice taken in the previous point. Did he fight his father? Now he'll have to learn to live with it, maybe he'll feel guilty, maybe angry. Did they talk and got to an agreement? Maybe he was able to resolve things in a peaceful way, but now he resents his father. Did he bail out? Maybe it was to difficult for him to go against his father and decided to run away, and now he feels guilty and like a failure. So many possibilities.

●RESURRECTION: His last test. He'll have to learn how to live with the consequences of his actions and make something positive out of it. It'll be hard, but it can be done.

●RETURN WITH THE ELIXIR: After coming to terms with the things that happened he gets his reward. Maybe his mother comes back. Maybe he finally gets the freedom he so much wanted without having to hide behind Chat Noir's identity. Maybe he gets the girl. Maybe he gets the three of them.

See the difference between Marinette and Adrien's journey? Adrien has reasons, goals, things to lose and/or gain, there's so much at stake for him. He could lose what is left of his family, the life he has known, his reputation, his career, his money (although I don't see him particularly caring about wealth, it'd make an impact on him to lose it all), everything. His father is the main villain, how more personal could it get!

Adrien is the main character we deserved, his journey is the one we should be following. He had so much potential it makes me sad that is being wasted like this. He was the deuteragonist, now in season four he's just a side character.

So that brings me to the reasons why I can't keep watching this show:

Firstly, if you want to keep your audience engaged with your show the worst mistake you can make is making your MC perfect from the get go, because that lefts no room for growth. And what is the hero's journey? A journey of growth, but if your MC already has it all, then why bother? Marinette bores me to death and I can't keep watching the show just to see Adrien (one of the very few well written characters that actually made the show entertaining) appear like for two seconds.

Secondly, you don't assassinate your own characters for the sake of uplifting your MC. That's bad writing. That's character derailment and you should avoid doing that like the plague. I'm sorry, but if you have to make your characters act OOC just to uplift your MC and make her look like she finally is having some development after four seasons of static personality, then she hasn't has development at all, because it's not Marinette who changed, the ones who changed are the characters around her. They all became more incompetent than her, more annoying than her, more boring than her (when that wasn't the case before) and now she looks like she's finally growing, but it's just because the writers had to downgrade the other characters. I absolutely detest when writers do that.

I hate the constant addition of new characters that literally bring nothing to the table? But I mean, I kinda understand why they keep adding characters. When your MC is so bland that following her nonexistent journey would make the plot stall, then you have to add new characters to keep the audience entertained and advance the plot a little, because the MC can't do it for herself.

I just can't keep watching only for two or three characters. Thomas and his love for Marinette are literally ruining the show. He loves the character he created so much he refuses to make her go through anything remotely negative and he hates the other characters so much because they're not Marinette, that he destroys the their arcs. His childish and he ruined a show that had so much potential.

Sorry if you're a Marinette fan, but the truth needed to be told.