#...you may not see much of me until i've finished this game

[secretagentspydetectiveninja]

okay that's it. i've been playing more legend of zegend sword skord and i am now convinced that it is, in fact, one of the best games of all time. yes this land should be called grooseland

i'm honestly having ridiculous amounts of fun with this game! i haven't had any trouble whatsoever with the motion controls, despite playing on the tiny wii u gamepad (which explains the rubbish quality photos -- i'm trying to handle my phone while still holding the wiimote and nunchuk...) and also despite being rubbish at zelda games in general, so i honestly don't know what people are complaining about. ANYWAYS

dialogue in this game is absolutely ENDING ME. why are all the characters so good, even side characters???

HAHA SWEET REVENGE! (i wanted to say "protect zelda" so badly but the urge to be spiteful and smug overpowered me...)

that's, uh... very pleasant, thank you. (this guy will give me nightmares. i love him.)

now i will spare you the million pictures of groose i took, including almost every line of dialogue, but just know that it was all iconic and he's the best character ever and i love him

anyway then i did an anime highschool matchmaking sidequest to calm down after almost dying to the imprisoned, and it was ridiculous (positive)

i mean, he really is... in my playthrough he's already got a girlfriend (peatrice) and i'm also 99% certain that zelda's into him too aND HE HAS TWO HANDS DAMMIT HE'S NOT CHEATING ON ANYONE

what is this drama??? it's so funny but also cursed. lowkey thinking i should have just given the love letter to the weirdo in the loo instead and avoided all this secondhand embarrassment lmao

tumblr won't let me add any more photos but link also learnt to play the harp today, which was pretty cool. all in all i'm LOVING this game far more than i expected i would. the lanayru mining facility was my favourite part so far -- the timeshift stones are so fun! and how ancient are those robots that come to life in the past? isn't skyward sword the first game in the timeline, thousands of years before the rest? just how old are these robots?! it's blowing my mind! aside from that, the music is incredible too. just... no i'm going to stop talking now because i won't shut up otherwise, i have too many thoughts

[chrysanthemumgames]

Chapter Ten and the Epilogue are out!

Hey everyone!

This announcement is basically just what it says on the tin. You can now play the last part of the game. Here's the link if you don't have it handy.

I don't think there are any particular content warnings for this one other than Zeus existing, but my brain is kind of scrambled eggs right now, so if I've forgotten something, please let me know.

I feel like I should have some thoughts here about actually being finished with the game, but either because of the brain-eggs thing or because I still have a lot of editing to do, it's hard to think of myself as done.

Just a few things I've been getting questions about clarified in one place:

FoA's first draft will remain where it is, as it is, complete and free, until I submit the edited version for publication. I estimate this will be about three months, (so until March 1, 2024), but can't say that for sure.

The second draft will bring about substantive changes both from a game design standpoint (various systems) and a character standpoint (some pacing things are going to change, particularly with the romances that probably should be a little bit faster paced than they are. A smidge.)

I may or may not be doing a closed beta test for the second draft. That's not me being coy, that's me genuinely not knowing if I will.

There will be one sequel. I will begin working on it immediately after FoA is submitted for publication.

If you want to follow the editing process, I will probably be summarizing my progress monthly here, but I will be going into much more detail and previewing the edits on my Patreon. No pressure ever; that's just an option if you'd like to see more or support me as I go.

Thank you, everyone, for your support, critiques, and suggestions. They've already made FoA a much better game than it would have been without you, and I'm looking forward to getting the chance to take more of them on board as I move through this next part of things.

I hope you enjoy.

[jennaflare]

So You Finished Disco Elysium and Don't Know What to Play Next

You may have seen my other games rec post (if not, there are a lot of recs there). But I have since played many more games that, if you love Disco as much as I do, you might also really enjoy! (Many of these are on sale for the Steam Winter Sale until 1/2/24, go check them out! Some are even as little as like 2 USD!)

A House of Many Doors

This one was mentioned very briefly in my last rec post, but I think A House of Many Doors deserves more words dedicated to it. This game is set in The House, a strange dimension of huge rooms that pulls things and people from other worlds into it, trapping them forever. You play as one of the house's denizens, and you are on a mission to escape.

If you enjoyed the concept of The Pale in Disco, I think a lot of aspects of The House will appeal to you as well.

Norco

Norco has been on my wishlist since I made the last post, but I finally got around to buying and playing it a few months ago. Norco is an RPG set in the oil town of Norco, Louisiana, and paints a beautiful and strange picture of the rural-industrial south. It contains heavy Christian themes and absolutely stunning pixel art. One of my favorite games I played this year.

Clickolding

Cickolding is a very short horror game in which you play as a person getting paid to click a clicker while the man above watching. It's weird and highly sexually charged, though no actual sexual content occurs. I can't say too much about this but it is an experience, for sure.

The Pale Beyond

In The Pale Beyond, you play as the first mate aboard The Temperance, which is bound for the Antarctic in search of a missing scientific vessel. Things, as you might expect, do not go according to plan. You must keep your crew alive, relatively healthy, and in good spirits.

This one's also a strong recommendation for fans of The Terror, for obvious reasons. (Side note: if animal death is a trigger for you, I'd recommend playing this with caution, or not at all.)

Inscryption

Inscryption is the game that changed my mind about deckbuilders (I used to really not like them), which opened the door to my current addiction (Balatro. If you haven't bought it, don't. Your friends may never see you again).

Inscryption is a horror deckbuilder roguelike that is by the same creator as The Hex and Pony Island, both of which I also recommend. It's an incredibly fun game, and I recommend not looking into the plot too much because it's way more fun going into it as blind as possible.

Slay the Princess

In Slay the Princess, you are the Hero. You must slay the princess. If you don't the world will end. That's all there is to it. Why would you do anything other than slay her, after all? You don't want the world to end, do you?

Slay the Princess is a time loop game where your choices affect the next loop -- I don't want to say too much on that because it's a fun thing to experience yourself.

80 Days

Inspired by the Jules Verne novel, you play as Passepartout, valet to Phileas Fogg. Your employer has entered a bet to race around the world in 80 days. In this text-based adventure, it is your job to balance his budget and health, and to plan your route.

There are so many ways to make this journey, and enough different events that I'm far from having seen it all despite how many times over I've played it. Highlights for me include: falling in love with a man while we nearly died in the arctic, getting jailed in Russia for nearly a week because I made some poor choices, and abandoning our mission to become a jewel thief.

Other Games You Might Wanna Check Out

Jalopy, Overboard!, Vampire: The Masquerade - Bloodlines, Yes Your Grace, Buckshot Roulette, A Date With Death, Fields of Mistria, Obscura, Tavern Talk, Killer Frequency, Not For Broadcast, The Life and Suffering of Sir Brante, Bastion

[ir-abelas-vhenan]

Something Something Yeah It's Still Solavellan Hours (Mythal is kind of here, too)

I've seen a few very beautifully articulated posts talking about the conflicted responses players are finding themselves having in regards to the decision by writers* to have Solas' atonement route possible because of his conversation with one of the remaining fragments of Mythal.

(*honestly I hesitate to put the weight of bigger game events on their shoulders because of how much I know bigger players in the company were involved, so when you read 'writers' know I just mean whoever had final say on plot)

I love reading where people are at on this, and having now breathed, re-played the scene, cried, read some more theories, and then played the scene again enough times I think I'm now able to figure out where I'm at.

TLDR: in my humble opinion, the conversation Solas has with Mythal doesn't bring him any actual closure at all. It is only the version of the atonement ending that has Lavellan in which he is actually set upon a road to redemption.

This, like everything else where I lose my mind, will be long. I tried to restrain myself and here we are, unhinged as ever.

I was unhappy at first that Mythal's incredibly brief conversation with Solas where she releases him from her service seemed to be what finally allowed him to make a decision based on his wants and not hers. My concern stemmed mostly from the fact that a lot of us are trying to be active participants in a society that recognizes patterns of abuse and seeks to establish channels through which individuals can pursue healing without the approval, consent, or demise of their abuser.

But the more I look at the scene, the more I wonder what would have happened in a world where Veilguard got just a little more time in development. Could we have gotten a scene that more elegantly conveys the theme that we cannot heal every part of our loved ones, much as we might like to?

In an imperfect world it isn't always up to us how someone finds closure, which really sucks when you'd like to ensure a loved one finds it in a way that preserves their dignity and limits exposure to the individuals who have harmed them.

And while it could be left there, I'd like to actually push back on the idea that Mythal is in any way responsible for "healing" Solas in this moment.

I went on a different tirade a few days ago about how at the end of Inquisition, Mythal says words to Solas that on their surface seem well-intentioned or placating, but they actually just serve to further bind him in guilt and a position of servitude. In Veilguard's finale, she still does not take accountability for exactly how much of a role she played in the pain that Solas, a man others have revered and feared as a god, has gone through as he cowers, actually cowers before her.

Mythal's interaction with Solas conveys exactly two things to him as far as I am concerned (I'm going to botch these quotes but my laptop is dying so please accept some paraphrase as I rush to finish this before I go cry about this analysis to my uncaring dog):

"The terrible things we did, we did together." You are forever tied to me.

"I release you from my service." But what am I releasing you to?

Because up until Lavellan joins the fray here, all I take away from the physical and unwilling emotional cues Solas gives in this scene (he is a master in trickery, for goodness' sake, the thought of so many witnesses seeing him unable to hide behind a mask has to leave him feeling anguished on top of everything else) is that Mythal has once again reminded him of everything he did in her name and telling him that all that's left for him is to go back to the fade prison and, as he as always done, endure the crushing weight of his failures alone.

To me, in my interpretation, the Solas that hears this from Mythal with no Lavellan intervention may choose to willingly step down from his original plan (and yeah, that's gonna do some damage) but he is certainly not free of his past. He's going to be reminded of it every time he turns a corner and finds more blight to try and soothe, and even the moments that he rests will be filled with more manifestations of his regret. He says it himself: where he's going? It's terrible.

Enter Lavellan. Yeah, he couldn't bring himself to listen to her at her first plea (but like damn how many times are we going to have to watch her give a heartfelt speech only for him to be like 'something something beautiful elven rejection'). But I know that you know that our clever icon knows better than to take what Solas says at face value. She tells Rook plainly that he's absolute dogshit at lies of the heart, and she says it with her whole chest.

Lavellan sees the way his shoulders slump (in resignation yes, but you can't convince me there's not a little bit of relief there, too), she hears the agony in the "vhenan" that escapes his lips (which, don't even get me started on the fact that it's been like nine years and he has no hesitation at all calling her his heart, it just spills out of him). It is not the sound of a man delighting in the steps he's about to take. They're certainly not steps he does not dislike that lead to a destination he enjoys.

And then she watches Mythal (who I can't imagine she feels any sort of fondness or respect for) pull some weird nonsense on her love one final time, and she knows it's her moment to shine.

Mythal, I would argue, pushes Solas down one more time, shames him into seeking atonement, into once again being alone.

It is the romanced Lavellan that kneels so that he cannot fail to meet her eyes. It is she who invokes their connection, not to remind him of his failures but to reaffirm his greatest strength: their love and their love alone is inevitable. Not the consequences of his past, not the regret he thinks will consume him as he seeks to mend what has been broken. It has only ever been them.

"There is no fate but the love we share". We are forever tied together.

"There is no fate but the love we share." *I* am releasing you from everything else save for this love.

Put colloquially: get absolutely fucking wrecked, Mythal.

Body language comparison to chase up the dialogue one, anyone? The way Solas shrinks before Mythal as opposed to him walking off into the fade with Lavellan at his side and standing tall, and he does not flinch when she lifts a hand to his shoulder?

Ultimately, Mythal is a part of the atonement endings no matter what. But it is only Lavellan that refuses to let him walk alone. It is only Lavellan that guarantees that his dinan'shiral ends not in a prison of regret, but a place of promise.

Mythal bends Solas until he breaks one last time. Lavellan takes each piece, claims it as hers, and uses them to build the beginnings of a future.

[canirove]

Pedri Imagine

Author’s note: This is a request I got on Wattpad, something sweet and cute after he got injured at the Euros. Hope you like it and thank you for reading! 💜

Masterlist

“Hi.”

“Hello.”

“Are you feeling a bit better?”

“Yeah” Pedri says over facetime. “I'm sorry about earlier, tho.”

“Uh?”

“When I kept ignoring your calls and texted you that I wanted to be left alone. I was kind of rude.”

“Pedri, you had just left the game with an injury that meant that the tournament was over for you. It is normal to be angry and frustrated and to want to be left alone.”

“Yes, but… I don't know” he shrugs. “I feel like I was a bit rude with you. With the person who is always there for me on the good and bad days.”

“It's ok” I smile. “But urgh, don't remind me of how much it sucks that I am stuck here with work and that I've only gotten to watch you play once. I should be there taking care of you, not about to start a 24 hour shift at the hospital.”

“I miss you too. But I'm fine, I'm taken care of. Your patients need you a lot more than I do” he says.

“You are being taken care of by who? Nurse Ferran?” I chuckle.

“Among others. Unai has been offering to carry me around.”

“Lucky bitch” I whisper.

“What?” Pedri laughs.

“Nothing.”

“I heard you. Who is a lucky bitch, me because I get to be carried around by Unai, or him because he gets to carry me?” he smirks.

“What do you think, Pedri?”

“Him, obviously. Carrying me is an honour.”

“What are you now? A prince?” I laugh.

“A king, actually. King of your heart” he winks, making me laugh again.

“I'm glad you are making jokes, tho. That means you are feeling a bit better.”

“I'm not joking. I am the king of your heart.”

“Of course you are” I smile. “Have they told you when are you coming back?”

“Actually…” he says, running a hand through his hair. “I'm not.”

“What?”

“They are allowing me to stay with the team and start my recovery here.”

“Oh, that's… that's really nice of them.”

“It is. See how De La Fuente isn't that bad?” he says with a teasing smile.

“Yeah, whatever” I reply. “But if you are staying…”

“We won't be seeing each other in person until they've made me champion of Europe. Which they will.”

“I see…”

“Aren't you happy about it?”

“Of course I am, Pedri. Seeing you this positive after what happened makes me really happy. Relieved too. But I just… I just wished I could get to at least see you once before you come back. Get to enjoy the atmosphere of the Euros together and not just through a screen.”

“Me too… But this isn't my last Euros or international tournament. There will be more in the future, and we will experience them together. I promise you.”

“Ok” I say, forcing myself to smile. “Anyway, I gotta go. My shift is about to start and I need to finish getting ready. Can I leave you in the hands of nurse Ferran and nurse Unai?”

“You can” he chuckles. “But what about you?”

“Uh? What do you mean?”

“Are you ok? You looked a bit gutted after I told you I'm staying in Germany.”

“I'm fine, Pedri. Don't worry. I'll call you tomorrow, ok?”

“Ok. Go be a superhero” he smiles. “I love you.”

“I love you too” I smile back before hanging up.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

A few days later…

“They are very optimistic about the injury. They say that if I work hard during the summer, I'll be back sooner than I think” Pedri says.

“Yeah, well. Let's not rush things.”

“Oh, hello!” Ferran says, showing up on the screen next to Pedri.

“Hello” I smile. 

“How are things in Barcelona?” he asks me.

“Same as always. Over there I've been told you've been so good at your job as a nurse that you may steal mine.”

“Yeah… But I don't think there will be a second time. I don't know how you can deal with him, Pedri is the worst patient ever.”

“Hey!” Pedri complains, giving Ferran a little push and only managing to make him laugh.

“It's the truth, bro” he shrugs. “Anyway, have you shared the news yet?”

“The news? What news?” I say.

“I… ummm…” Pedri says, nervously touching his face. “I've got a surprise for you.”

“Ok…”

“It's a good surprise, of course. It doesn't have to do with my injury or anything.”

“Pedri, c'mon!” Ferran urges him.

“Yes, ummm… I got you a ticket for the final.”

“You what?” I say.

“I made some calls, and you are gonna be free for a couple of days, which means that you can come watch the Euros final with me and my family.”

“Pedri, that's… how… I mean…”

“Someone is speechless” Ferran chuckles.

“But how… How did you manage to do this?” 

“Perks of being Pedri González” he shrugs. 

“I… I don't know what to say, I…”

“See? Speechless?” Ferran says again.

“Just say yes. Say that you are coming to watch them make me champion of Europe and then celebrate with us” Pedri says.

“I… Yes.”

“Yes?”

“Yes, Pedri. I'm going to Germany” I smile.

“Thank God” he sighs. “I thought you were going to say no.”

“And miss the chance of being carried around by Unai while celebrating that Spain has won the Euros? No way” I say with a teasing smile. 

“What?” Ferran says with a confused look.

“Inside joke” Pedri says. “Will I see you in a couple of days, then?”

“You will. Germany, here I come!”

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

“See? I told you the will make me champion of Europe!” Pedri says, limping towards me.

“They did, yes” I laugh. “But please be careful” I say, nodding towards his knee.

“I'm fine, don't worry” he smiles as he reaches me. “Did you enjoy the game?”

“It was the best. I still can't believe I'm here, to be honest.”

“You're welcome” he says, still smiling. “Now, before the boys come kidnap me again… Can I get my first kiss as champion of Europe?” he smirks.

“You can. But” I say, stopping him as he wraps his arms around me. “First I need to say something.”

“Yes, Unai will carry you somewhere if that's what you want.”

“What?” I laugh. “I mean, I do want a photo with him later. And maybe we could take it while he is carrying me… But that's not what I wanted to say.”

“Then?”

“I wanted to say that I am so proud of you, Pedri. And not only because of that medal around your neck. I am really proud of you because of everything you've done during this tournament even if you didn't manage to finish it on the pitch, and especially because of how positive and strong you've been. Not many people are capable of doing that after what happened to you, you know?”

“Yeah, well” he says with a shy smile.

“I love you, Pedri.”

“And I love you too. Can I get that kiss now?”

“Yes, you can” I laugh before kissing him.

[pinkrangermemes]

EPIC: The Musical

lyrics that absolutely fuck me up, feel free to change pronouns and such as needed

"A mission to kill someone's son, a foe who won't run, unlike anyone you have faced before."

"I'd rather bleed for you."

"This is the will of the gods."

"Don't make me do this."

"The blood on your hands is something you won't lose. All you can choose is whose."

"You're as old as he was when I left for war."

"How could I hurt you?"

"I'm just a man who's trying to go home."

"When does a man become a monster?"

"When does the reason become the blame?"

"Forgive me."

"We should try to find a way no one ends up dead."

"You can relax, my friend."

"Think of all that we have been through. We'll survive what we get into."

"This life is amazing when you greet it with open arms."

"I see in your face there is so much guilt inside your heart."

"Have you forgotten to turn off your heart? This is not you."

"Have you forgotten your purpose? Let me remind you."

"Don't forget that you're a warrior of a very special kind."

"Don't disappoint me."

"What gives you the right to deal a pain so deep?"

"Don't you know that pain you sow is pain you reap?"

"Your life now is in my hand."

"A trade, you see. Take from me like you took from me."

"You shall be the final man to die."

"It's just one life to take."

"When we kill him our journey's over."

"Captain?"

"You've hurt me enough."

"When I kill you, my pain is over."

"Mark my words now. This is not the end."

"Remember them."

"Who hurts you?"

"If nobody hurt you, be silent."

"He's still a threat until he's dead."

"Finish it."

"What good would killing do, when mercy is a skill more of this world could learn to use?"

"The blood we shed, it never dries."

"I am your darkest moment."

"I am the infamous _______!"

"This way, you won't disappoint me."

"This way, you won't waste my time."

"Unlike you, every time someone dies, I'm left to deal with the strain."

"I'll remind you, I saw you as a friend, but now we're done."

"This way, you won't plague my life."

"This way, you'll close the door and have your damn goodbye."

"Since you claim you're so much wiser, why's your life spent all alone?"

"You're alone!"

"This day, you sever your own head."

"This day, you lost it all. Consider this as my goodbye."

"Don't forget how dangerous the gods are."

"How much longer 'til your luck runs out?"

"You rely on wit, and people die on it."

"I still believe in goodness."

"Lead from the heart, and see what starts."

"And what will we do when it tears us apart?"

"You're like the brother I could never do without."

"How much longer 'til your strength takes leave?"

"I can't have you planting seeds of doubt."

"Keep your friends close and your enemies closer."

"Sometimes killing is a must."

"Friends turn into foes and rivalries."

"Never really know who you can trust."

"The end always justifies the means."

"So much has changed, but I'm the same."

"I'm left without a choice and without a doubt."

"Ruthlessness is mercy upon ourselves."

"You are the worst kind of good 'cause you're not even great."

"You are far too nice."

"Mercy has a price."

"Unlike you, I've got no mercy left to give."

"The line between naivete and hopefulness is almost invisible."

"What have you done?"

"I am your darkest moment, the monster that always draws near."

"Remember me."

"There's only so much left we can endure."

"Think of your past and your mistakes."

"No, I'm not a player. I'm a puppeteer."

"I can hardly sleep now, knowing everything we've done."

"It's a game of wits, but you don't have to play."

"A foe like ____ is not to be messed with."

"You could be hurt or you could beat her."

"I'll help you conquer her."

"Wouldn't you like your outcome preferred?"

"Don't thank me, friend, you very well may die."

"Did you do something to them?"

"I don't know who you are or why you're here, but let me make this one thing clear."

"I've got people to protect, friends I can't neglect, so now there is no turning back."

"Back at home my wife waits for me. She's my everything, my _____."

"Maybe showing one act of kindness leads to kinder souls down the road."

"This land confuses your mind."

"All I hear are screams every time I dare to close my eyes."

"I no longer dream, only nightmares of those who've died."

"Why would you let _____ live when ruthlessness is mercy?"

"I keep thinking of the infant from that night."

"____, when you come home, I'll be waiting."

"Even if you're the last thing I see, I'll be waiting."

"I took too long."

"I'll always love you."

"Your past is always close behind."

"I see a song of past romance."

"I see portrayals of betrayal and a brother's final stand."

"I see a man who gets to make it home alive, but it's no longer you."

"We've suffered and sailed through the toughest of Hells, now you tell us our efforts were nothing?"

"I see a wife with a man who is haunting. A man with a trail of bodies."

"How has everything been turned against us?"

"How did suffering become so endless?"

"Do I need to change?"

"What if I'm the monster?"

"What if I'm the problem that's been hiding all along?"

"If I became the monster, and threw that guilt away, would that make us stronger?"

"So what if I'm the monster lurking deep below?"

"If I gotta drop another infant from a wall in an instant so we all don't die, then I'll become the monster."

"I'll become the monster."

[tendermiasma]

Out of curiosity, what drove you to pick Halsin as Clover’s love interest out of all the possible characters? Love your work by the way :)

Thank you so much! Baldur's Gate was barely on my radar since I didn't really know about the IP but my friend showed me a picture of Halsin and I said, "I'll play the game if you can kiss him". Well. I think they communicated what kind of person he was very well through his design because he seemed very kind, earnest, and protective with zero explanation. I'd already mostly figured out Clover's story before I started in but I was so delighted at how well they meshed. I was already biased, of course, but their fey plotlines were pure coincidence and so it just made sense. I lost my mind when Halsin started explaining haha. I LOVE the conflict of someone hunted by the fey and someone who is very close to them. They were both raised by the wild in very different ways and it's something I've loved having them explore with each other.

They both also deal with a particular kind of despair. I get the sense that Halsin became emotionally isolated from his own people after trying so hard to right something for so long, but he still had hope. What makes him waver is no longer having hope, which I saw most prevalently when we got to the city. Clover, on the other hand, is the one who digs in and crawls on, even without a light at the end of the tunnel. He doesn't expect anything, it's just what he's always done. Maybe for the spite of maybe living until tomorrow-- he doesn't know. Halsin was the first person who made him think of next Autumn. Halsin learns that despair should not be the death of persistence because the light may just be too far off to see. Clover's living proof of that. I'm not finished with the game but how Halsin deals with the horrors of trying to save everyone and everything when there are powers at work who want people to feel paralyzed and afraid and helpless is very special to me. I think their relationship, along with the events of the game, is helping him realize his true place where he can make a real difference is more grassroots than he thought. For Clover, though, Halsin can draw him out of that twilight and into a life he deserves.

I rambled I think but I hope I answered your question haha

[dogtoling]

General life- and blog update , since I assume at least a few people might have been wondering where I've been and what i've been up to recently. I obviously haven't been posting or drawing much this year in general. This will probably be an important post if you care about stuff on this blog, and I already rambled on Sheezy, but that site isn't very populated yet and it's also very good at hiding journals so let's just ramble again...

The summary of this post if you hate reading: I'm heavily considering just stepping away from Splatoon. That decision obviously would affect this blog (mostly, my OCs, which is kinda most of the blog at this point). I don't think the blog itself will go anywhere, and I'll probably use it for something in the future... alternatively i'll cherry pick stuff from here into an archive for people who like the worldbuilding.

Longer post under cut:

So what have I been up to this year? The answer is quite simple: NOTHING. Like, actually absolutely nothing. Aside from Art Fight, this has probably been one of my worst art output years of all time, which is really frustrating. That's between my horrendous mental health and depression chasms this year and a complete lack of both focus and inspiration (which can also get chalked down to the depression to a degree, yeah). So the very real reason to why there hasn't been much activity on this blog this year is because I just haven't Done Anything in general.

Now because I know there will be a few people who think "that's fine! you shouldn't judge yourself based on productivity!" you're right! I also agree. However the issue for me specifically is that most (if not all) the time I spend NOT drawing or creating, I spend sitting around wishing I could start drawing or creating, because that is like the 1 thing that keeps me sane on this freaking earth. Unfortunately coming up with OC scenarios in my head doesn't really result in output I can feel fulfilled by in any form as much as I wish it did, lol.

Now; The Issue. It doesn't take a genius to see that if you spend 9 months trying to finish like a dozen OC pages that you COULD do in a week or 2 if you wanted to, then there's probably more than just the problem of executive dysfunction (even though that's at least 60% of it for sure). Obviously my other major problem is that I live by imaginary rules and structures that make sense, but aren't actually useful at ALL in reality and are more than a hindrance if anything (the mental to do-list in my head that says i can't do X until I've done Y doesn't do very much if task Y takes 10 months and I also don't want to do it, and it also has no structured ending).

How does this tie into stepping away from Splatoon, you may ask. Well, the issue is that I have foreseeably fallen out of love with the series. Which isn't exactly news lol. Currently, I'm not even sure i will get the next game, if and when the time comes. Yes, the loss of interest is also expected, given that Splatoon 3 has ended and every fandom has this kind of downtime and lukewarm in-between-titles period. But the truth is that modern Splatoon (almost 10 years old!!!!) is tangibly different from the way the series was back when I fell in love with it. That was Splatoon 1, and while the series has improved in a lot of aspects and is thriving, it's grown in a direction that I just don't really like. Splatoon 3 had the most freaking horrendous, immersion breaking story mode they could've done, then they followed it up with a DLC story that was pretty cool but also compounded a lot of my fears about the series' future and played into every single thing i do not want Splatoon stories to be - fully character focused, random fucking villain, mundane event that's unrealistically world-threatening just because a kids video game needs a scary climax even though it's immersion breaking AGAIN, the whole thing taking place in cyberspace and thus offering basically no worldbuilding even though there is SO MUCH WORLD. I COULD GO ON.

The gist of it is that nowadays, rather than playing Splatoon and being inspired and excited at what comes next, I mostly find myself dreading what dumbass plot they will do next to throw a wrench in the otherwise good stuff. And when that's like THE main approach I have to what's supposed to be my favorite series, it is HARROWING. I can't even really blame the game for this; the story is NOT its selling point, the developers probably do their best to get the bits to us that they really want to tell, and at the end of the day the game is unfortunately a product. Worldbuilding for Splatoon is fun to a point. It's less fun when in order to actually write or create something coherent, instead of filling in the blanks, the blanks are 90% of the freaking thing. At that point you're just better off making something of your own instead of being anchored onto an IP that gives more problems than answers and occasionally shoots you with like a machine gun. Working in the realm of Splatoon is frustrating because more often than not, the questions I have ARE NOT MINE TO ANSWER, and the likelihood that the specific-ass questions I need answers to will ever be actually addressed is really low.

Tying this back to my OCs. Obviously I love my OCs more than I love myself which admittedly isn't that high of a bar but you get the point. The problem is that I spend a lot of time mulling over worldbuilding that, again, frankly isn't mine to do. Because if I want it to be Splatoon, then it should be mostly accurate to how Splatoon is! But the problem with that is that there's really not THAT MUCH worldbuilding in the series that you can work with, and most of the core game mechanics are just abstract enough that it's actually horrendous to try and come up with workarounds and ways for things to make sense that don't require just constructing a full knockoff version mirror dimension of the game and saying fuck everything that's in place here because Inkopolis Plaza literally has no roads in or out of there and I have no fucking idea how that's allowed when your only option is to jump the fence (or, nowadays, take the train which also isnt connected to a street as far as I remember). Between the face value issue and the lack of REALLY IMPORTANT worldbuilding, like - I will always come back to this - THE INK TANK'S FUNCTION 10 YEARS DOWN THE LINE - there's a goddamn ocean of plot holes and things that end up being obstacles to creativity rather than inspiration. I feel like I'm pretty solidly at the point (and have been for a while) where hanging onto Splatoon is really only contributing to creativity block and frustration with lack of freedom and the ability to actually do things.

So I guess those are my reasonings that I've put together just sitting here for the time being. The TL;DR is that I wish I could just do stuff without Splatoon's canon getting in the way, which is a really stupid problem to have if you're making Splatoon OCs. I feel this frustration extremely strongly every time I have to work with actual bigger aspects of the world; we still don't have an Inkopolis map, we don't know what the world around Inkopolis looks like, we don't know what the wilderness is like aside from Just Normal Forest and Desert and very few snippets as to what modern wildlife MIGHT be, I still don't know how the fuck the Inklings teleport to the goddamn arctic ocean to play a turf war at Shipshape Cargo co. These are all actually really important things if you're trying to establish a setting in any kind of storytelling that's outside of immediate city bounds (and even there, you need to know the layout of the city and its important areas). Also a fucking mutant bear and a baby salmon and a squid not wearing suitable gear went to space and fought on a rocket in space. These are some things that would give me peace of mind to not have to deal with in my own writing, probably.

So where do we go from here? Unsure. I haven't really made a decision on this front yet, though right now I'm leaning more towards actually going ahead with trying to do my own thing. That will result in obvious design and setting changes for my OCs whenever I get around to it. This blog probably won't go anywhere (again, unless I impulse delete it during a mood swing like i've almost done on like three separate occasions this year), but it will probably get less use, and I will probably end up making a new blog to post about whatever I end up doing once I get to a point where it feels like it makes sense. There's a chance that I will delete this blog and put all the interesting stuff on an archive blog for the people who are here just for the worldbuilding. My actual true passion for a long time now hasn't even been Splatoon anymore, it's just been cephalopods. I'm kind of done having Splatoon get in the way of the cephalopods, as thankful as I am that it introduced me to them...

If you read this to the end heres a treat for you = 🍪

[97keanu]

desperately wanting john wick to whisper filthy things to me in russian

*˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳I love this idea nonnie ! I have decided to do a list of phrases I've found + what scenario John would say them to you, disclaimer: I do not speak Russian, but I've tried to go beyond using just Google translate and the like, but there still may be discrepancies, please forgive ʚ♥︎ɞ

Tags/CW: rope bunny, Dom!JW, Sub!Reader, bratty!reader, bdsm-esque, reader tries to Dom JW, reader on top, teasing, denial, dirty talk.

Зайка моя ("My bunny"): John calls you this the most, he loves the idea of you being his little bunny, and he also likes that he can get away with calling you something so cute because you have no idea at first what he's saying. Light teasing from you when you find out he's been calling you his "bunny" for so long:

"Oh, so if I'm your little bunny, does that make you the big bad wolf?" You say with a smile, teasing John for his pet name for you.

"Oh yes, yes it does..." John plays along, moving close enough to you that he grab you from behind and pull you close.

"Don't forget that wolves bite, Зайка моя..." His teeth nibble at your neck before dragging you, who's giggling from all the attention, off to the bedroom.

мое солнышко ("My sunshine"): John calls you this after sex the most, or only in the most tender of cases. He really does believe you are his own personal ball of sun. He hasn't felt this happy in so long, and upon meeting you, he knows that you are the light in his life. John doesn't mind if you know it, either. He calls you his sun in English as well, but when you two are cuddled up, the night settling in, John will sleepily call you "мое солнышко".

моя принцесса ("My princess"): John uses this one almost exclusively when you're being a brat, typically in bed. He calls you this half sarcastically, half because he really will do anything to please you.

"What are you going to do, make me, John?" You tease him when he tries to command you. You really shouldn't have done that.

"Careful, моя принцесса, you know what happens when you tease me." Johns voice is trying to be gruff, but he also loves seeing you have fun. Only after a few more bratty comments does he finally show his princess how she really needs to be treated.

шлюха ("whore") / шлюшка(diminutive "little whore"): John uses this one often, forgetting himself while he's fucking you. You know this one too well, and when he says it, you love how degrading it sounds. He tells you most while he holds the back of your head roughly down on his cock how much you look like a "шлюшка" to him. He eventually teaches you how to say it as well:

"I won't let you cum until you tell me what you are..." John has his hands skillfully playing with your pussy while you're all tied up in a little bow for him on the bed. You know what he wants, but don't want to give in. His hands move just perfectly so you get so close, but stop just before then. Your moans echo through the room.

"I'll wait, we can play this game forever, love." John knows you know this to be true, he works his big hands inside you harder now, and you can barely sputter the phrase out.

"Yes, please! I'm your шлюха, your шлюшка!" You cry out as John finishes you, your body writhing in it's restraints. John looks so pleased with you for saying it correctly.

"Good girl." He says as he begins to help you calm down.

Для меня ты ведешь себя как маленькая шлюха ("You're acting like such a little whore for me." Literally: "To me, you are acting like a little whore.")

John says this when you're particularly submissive to him. Sometimes you're a bit of a brat who wants to act like she doesn't love being John's little rope bunny, but now you're practically begging him to fuck you. You're riding his thigh, he's fully clothed but you've taken your panties off from under your dress and are making such a mess of his nice dress pants. He watches you, never revealing whether or not he will be the one to please you tonight.

"Для меня ты ведешь себя как маленькая шлюха..." He says while rolling his eyes, taking a sip of his drink and watching as you desperately try to get off on his thigh. He finally caves and puts his glass down on the side table, lifting you up and taking you to the couch where he can properly fuck you.

я хочу быть сверху("I want to be on top."):

You spend some time searching up the perfect way to tell John that you want to be on top tonight. You know he will be coming home from a long day and want to do something to please him. The brat in you also knows that John will be thrilled at you attempting "superiority" over him. When John finally gets home, he is immediately taking off his suit, ignoring how dirty and blood stained it is. He grabs you as soon as he sees you, pulling you to the nearest surface he can to fuck you, which happens to be the couch. As John's devouring your body in kisses, you say it.

"я хочу быть сверху..." You whisper and John pauses, looking at you in disbelief for a moment. First, he is impressed by how well you said the phrase, then his eyes darken with a hint of mischief.

"So you want to be on top..." He says slyly, licking his lips like a hungry wolf. "So be it, let me see how well you think you can dominate me."

"You mean it?" Your eyes light up, half of you didn't expect him to agree.

"On one condition, if you fail to fuck me correctly, I will tie you up and show you how it's done..." His voice is deep and husky with desire, and you know he's setting you up, but the idea of him tying you up later doesn't sound like a bad thing, not really. You nod and begin placing yourself on top, slowly easing up there.

You hold his cock still as you softly let it enter you, and John already has a wicked gleam in his eyes. You keep going, placing your hands on his chest and trying to ride him as if you're the one dominating him, but even at your best on top you're still submitting to his cock. John grabs his tie from the floor and you already know what he is going to do, so you place your hands out in front of you. He ties your hands up, then takes your hips and fucks you from underneath so hard the neighbors can hear it. You realise you can never dominate him, but that doesn't stop you from asking to be on top from time to time after this.

Я ХОЧУ ТЕБЯ ВНУТРИ МЕНЯ("I want you inside me.")

You learn another phrase, this one more your style. John is teasing you once more, his cock hard and slipping through your wet folds, but never entering you. You're whining, grinding your hips and bucking to try to invite him in, but your arms are all tied up behind you. He has your breasts tied as well, bringing them to perfect roundness. John reaches out and plays with your nipples, plucking at them and pulling just how you like, still not letting you feel the fullness of his cock. You are at your breaking point when you remember the phrase.

"Я ХОЧУ ТЕБЯ ВНУТРИ МЕНЯ...!" You finally moan, your back arching and your toes curling from how badly you want it. John pauses and smiles.

"Oh, you're such a good girl for asking like that." he says, before plunging his cock deep inside you, giving you what you want. You breathe out, finally able to be fucked hard like you wanted.

[azen13]

Since somebody sent in an ask about favorite yandere males in genshin, who are your favorite yandere hsr males?

CW: Yandere Themes

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⋆⁺₊⋆

Azen posting 2 actual writing-ish posts in one day? Extremely unlikely, but now that I'm on break and finished writing about mermen, possible! All things aside, thank you so much for this ask!

I'd say absolute favorites are Argenti and Jing Yuan, but before I talk about them in-depth, I wanted to do some honorable mentions. Aventurine has a lot of potential as a yandere in my opinion, considering his backstory and how that might have affected his psyche, but I just find myself struggling to tap into his character. I love Boothill, but find it hard to envision him as a yandere considering the fact that he's a Galaxy Ranger. Still, like Aventurine, I definitely can see a motive for why he would be a yandere. In my favorite Genshin yanderes post, I mentioned how Neuvillette and Zhongli are two of my favorites from that game, and I also really like Dan Heng/Dan Feng! Draconic characters are really fun to write for, but I'm not very good at keeping up with HSR lore, so I try to shy away from writing Dan Feng because of how entrenched his character is in a lot of the lore. Dan Heng is a little hard for me to write because I struggle to see how he could act on his possessive tendencies with the Astral Express crew being in such close proximity. Dr. Ratio is a super interesting character, but I really struggle with his characterization and while I have a few drabbles written about him, they will not be posted because I don't like how they turned out. Gallagher is another character I've loved since his release, but like Dan Feng, I'm both confused about his lore, and I'm unsure on how to write for him in general when in-game he...doesn't exist? Still not exactly sure what happened to him haha. I recently posted a Moze drabble and depending on what happens in the future, he may move up to be one of my favorites, because I think he has a lot of potential and I'd love to write a oneshot from his perspective about realizing his feelings, but I just need more time working on getting used to his character before I can definitively decide how I feel on him. And finally, I love Sampo, and I actually have an idea of a fic I want to write in regards to a MSND!AU where Sampo is Puck, but he's another character where I really struggle with his characterization.

Ok, now it's time to talk about Argenti and Jing Yuan.

When I say Argenti is my favorite yandere from this game, I mean it. I think he has so much potential as a yandere, and I have this very specific vision of a reader who is an Emanator of Beauty that he finds one day and kidnaps and brings back to his ship. He's such a gentleman to them, but he refuses to let them leave. You can see stars shooting by the windows of his spaceship, see your home planet slowly shrinking into a tiny pinprick on the horizon, until it just pops out of existence. Your new home is with him, he tells you, pressing a chaste kiss against your wrist. He pampers and dotes on you every chance he gets. He can't let you leave his ship, so he brings back souvenirs and memorabilia from every planet he visits. Sometimes he takes photos if he can figure out how to work his phone's camera. Every hour or so when he's off espousing Idrila's prowess to some planet, you'll get a text or call from him making sure you're safe. He cares so much. He cares too much. He cares too much, but he means so well. He sees something of such supreme beauty, and he can't help but want to shelter it.

It's how sweet yet cruel he would be that gets me. The thing that draws me to write yandere content is the fact that these feelings are born from a distorted sense of love. What they are distorted by changes depending on the character, and in Argenti's case, I think it's due to an extreme sense of devotion to his beloved. That method of distortion is probably one of the most fascinating for me to explore. Beyond that, I also think he'd be a good yandere logistically. I could easily see him having a method of controlling the entrance to his spaceship to prevent his beloved from being able to leave while he's out. All in all, I just really, really love Yandere!Argenti, and I hope that me talking about him might have convinced some people to start looking into him more, because he's such a fun character to write for!

Onto Jing Yuan, I have less to talk about, but I still feel really strongly about him! I'm pretty sure most of the writing that I've posted on my blog has been about Jing Yuan, and that's because I feel like I have a good handle on his character. Jing Yuan strikes me less as someone affected by obsessive love, and more as someone affected by overprotective desires. He's lived centuries and seen countless close friends die, and because of that, I think when he's in love, he'd be extremely anxious about losing his beloved. I'm not sure if I talked about this when I talked about my favorite Genshin yanderes, but something that I also find helpful in terms of writing is the level of power the yandere has. This could range from something like pure strength to how much social capital the yandere has. Jing Yuan, in my opinion, is incredibly powerful in a multitude of ways. Canonically, he's an Emanator of The Hunt, he's General of the Luofu, and he's hundreds of years old. Strength, social capital, wisdom, and more. All this power makes for a really fantastic dynamic in my opinion, and it's really fun to write for.

[crescencestudio]

๋࣭⭑ Devlog #44 | 8.29.24 ๋࣭⭑

why did august feel so long and so short at the same time

And hot girl summer finally comes to an end! Can you all believe we're already getting into September? That's..... crazy.

Before I get into the devlog this month, I want to make a small announcement! It's a bittersweet one, but overall, I do think it's more exciting than anything.

Crescence is FINALLY CLOSE TO GRADUATING!!!!

It's crazy to be able to say this. For anyone who's an OG fan of Alaris, you'll know I basically started game development at the same time I started my Ph.D. program. It's been a wild ride having to balance game development throughout this entire journey. Funnily enough, when I started Alaris, I saw many game developers say a game that was around the same length as Alaris would take about 4-5 years. So at the beginning of my program, I remember thinking, "Ahh... So even though it sounds so intimidating to work on something for 4-5 years, that basically means by the time I finish my Ph.D., I'll be done with Alaris, right? Might as well start then! If I'm going to spend those 4-5 years getting a degree, might as well also use that time to make a game :D"

*Graduates before I finish Alaris alosjdfliasdifj*

inserts a little fanart montage of recent fanart players have made to break up the text

Anyways, it's crazy that I've been on this journey for both parts of my life as long as I have. Both my dissertation and Alaris have equally tested my sanity, but words can't describe how rewarding it is to see the finish line finally in sight for both projects.

The thing is...

If I want to graduate this semester (which I so, so, so, so, SO desperately do), I have to write my entire dissertation (about 60k words) in about..... a 1-1.5 months, haha.....

On the bright side, it's feasible (Crescence says delusionally). On the not-so-bright side, it's going to test my sanity. And if there's a 5% chance I'll be able to make those deadlines and graduate this semester, that chance goes to 0% if I try to balance Alaris on top of that.

Which means...

I'll be taking a two month break from Alaris development, which is the first time in all of development that I'll be taking a break that long. For those who have followed me on this journey, you may know I've worked on my firstborn baby almost continuously since I first started this project. While I've balanced other games during development and sometimes taken short breaks where I don't make as much progress, I've never just Not Worked on Alaris. So it's a bit terrifying to imagine two months not working on Alaris at all.

But graduating this semester is important to me, and at the end of the day, as much as I love game development, it's very much my hobby. I don't talk about my IRL obligations on here too much, but I do have them, and finally getting my Ph.D. degree is one of my biggest IRL obligations and priorities.

So it's with tears in my eyes that I say Alaris will be on a break until the end of October. I'll still be around to answer questions (thank you to everyone who has been sending them in and showing sm curiosity and love for the cast!), and the Patreon will still be up for those who want to play Druk's beta. But aside from that, I'm taking a Full Break on Alaris so that I can buckle down and focus on the final stage of my degree :')

I know this may come as a disappointment to some of you, especially those who have followed me for a while and/or are eager to see the full game release. It pains me to have to step away from Alaris for such an extended time, especially since the weight of full game release does weigh on me with each day lmfao. I want this game out just as badly as the rest of you, and especially because so many of you have trusted me with your money, time, and support, please rest assured that this decision didn't come easy. It's my biggest hope that when I return to game development after finishing dissertation matters, it will be full steam ahead now that I'll no longer have degree obligations hanging over my head.

With that out of the way, let's go into this month's devlog! I'll try to make it as juicy as possible for you all as a thank you for your patience and support while I Get That Degree <3

Thankfully, this past month was much more focused in the writing department! While there was some small editing happening in Fenir and Druk's routes, it was minor changes compared to July. Most of my attention was on Kuna'a, and I'm very excited to say that the first draft of his route is OFFICIALLY FINISHED!!!

THAT MEANS ONLY ONE ROUTE IS LEFT FOR ALARIS TO BE WRITTEN!!!!!! It is so crazy to finally reach the last stretch of script writing. While I'm sure there's much editing to be done, the idea of having the base drafts finished is honestly hard to believe considering how endless script writing has felt.

A sneak peek of Kuna'a's route to celebrate

With how plot-centric the last three routes feel, it's also rewarding in a different way to officially write out a lot of the main plot details into the script, instead of just dropping bits and pieces here and there.

It makes me sad to pause Alaris development right when we're getting into the last meaty bits and pieces, but hopefully this just means when I return to development, I'll be hitting the ground running after missing working on the game ^^

Art has also been making lots of nice progress this month! I finished about half of Druk's CGs and our current CG counter is.... 25 out of 54! Which means we're just about reaching the halfway mark with CGs as well ^^

One of the CGs was so hot, it broke my iPad and almost lost ALL MY ALARIS ART ASSETS!! ha!! ha!! ha!! That was a fun part of this month!!!! Anyways, this isn't the CG in question (that one would be too spoilery to show, though it is on my Patreon for those who want to see it, heh), but this is a CG that I'm particularly fond of that I finished recently---Sneak Peek!

What lipgloss do you use, my man

CGs, aside from sprites, are the last main art assets that need to be done for the game. So knowing that they're just about at the halfway mark really shows that we're getting into the last stretch of the game's development!!

Finally, in extremely exciting news, we launched Druk's beta recently! WHICH MEANS..... HALF of the routes are beta coded for the game!!! WHAAAAT!!!!

Obviously, I'll be going in later to fix up some things, add in more sprite expressions, the CGs, etc. at a later time for these routes. But the fact half of the game is basically coded is so surreal...... I remember when these updates were just me telling you I was still writing and that was literally it LFJALSDJF.

Now, we're here on our third route to be beta tested!!!

everyone thank @minthe-drawings for drawing our beefy boy in all his beefy glory

Druk's beta will be up for a while since I'll be on break from development, but if you'd like to play his beta, sign up for Hydra on my Patreon!

This month, we've also started including drabbles to the Patreon for free members. So if you don't have funds to support through paid tiers but would still like some extra content, I've started writing drabbles that are free for anyone following my Patreon to read ^^

Finally, as one last thank you before I go on my break, we recently reached this milestone on itch.io!!! Y'all have downloaded Crescence games 100k times and played my games over 200k TIMES.... (we technically reached 200k plays a while ago, but I wanted to wait until the downloads number was a pretty 100k).

not to mention the other milestones we've hit. thank you all for your support ;_;

It's crazy to even see this kind of number on my page.... I remember I used to see other amazing devs post these kinds of numbers and I could only dream that one day I'd be able to experience that kind of engagement. And so seeing that number for myself.... it's just really humbling to know you've all supported me for this long and to know I've reached the amount of players that I have <3 Thank you as always for the support and love you've all given my games. One day I will reward you all in kind and release Alaris....LFMALSDIJF

For market research this month, I have been trying to play Fields of Mistria in the small pockets of free time that I have. March and Eiland my beloved. But what I really want to highlight this month is...

No one is surprised that I am, once again, telling you to support @ravenstargames

Lost in Limbo is a phenomenal dark fantasy VN that just released their demo and went live with their Kickstarter. The team is made up of some of the kindest, funniest, most hardworking, and talented people that I know, and I can't recommend the demo enough. The cast is diverse and has so much character (I literally love every character). The writing is beautiful, and the art is absolutely stunning. It's the team's first game, but you wouldn't know it from how polished, immersive, and breathtaking the demo is! Please consider supporting the team, whether it's playing the game or backing the Kickstarter. They deserve every ounce of success they get, and if you're a fan of fantasy and stunning storytelling, you will LOVE THIS GAME!!! Envy stans RISE!!!!

That's all for this month (and for the next two months.... wah.... don't forget about me everyone...)! Hope everyone stays well and warm as we enter fall, and I'll see you all in November <3 I'll miss you all dearly (I say this as if I won't still be around to answer asks), and hopefully when I return, I'll be making my debut as DR. CRESCENCE!!!! \o/

[blackboard-monitor]

how i've finished inktober every year for eight years and counting

Every time I mention around other artists that I finish inktober every year (meaning I draw and ink 31 drawings, one every day in October), I get questions like "how???", so I figured I'd make a post about it on the off chance it's helpful to someone. Please note that all my advice is based on my personal experience and you're a different person so what works for me may not work for you, and you can do whatever you want forever.

What it boils down to for me is two basic rules: 1) keep it simple and 2) manage your expectations.

Tools

Paper/sketchbook

I started my first inktober in my journal at the time, and because I'm neurotic like that, I've had to do every subsequent inktober in whatever journal I was using at that point.

The benefit of this is that each journal has had a page size of A5 or smaller, which can be tricky when trying to get in a lot of detail, but on the other hand forces you to limit the size of your drawings to a pretty managable size.

Paper type can also be important! Last year in 2023, my journal was a Moleskine sketchbook (image 1), which was actually designed to handle some degree of wet media, which was a game-changer for me as an ink wash enjoyer. Don't get me wrong, I've been using ink washes in most of my previous journals as well, but inking is a lot nicer when your paper isn't constantly buckling (image 2) or pilling and the ink isn't bleeding all over the place, inclunding through the page (image 3). Pages that stay flat instead of buckling are also a lot easier to scan or photograph, if like me you want to post your art online.

In short, my inktober paper recommendation is to use a sketchbook no larger than A5, and go for one with nice, thick paper if you intend to use wet media.

Sketching

I sketch everything with a single 6H pencil that I got from my brother in 2019. Because the lead is so hard, it allows me to scribble to my heart's content without the sketch getting too dark or hard to erase. Sometimes I'll refine the sketch with a HB mechanical pencil, which shows up really nicely on top of the 6H lines, but I may skip that step if I'm feeling lazy or the first sketch is clean enough.

Inking

I've used a variety of art supplies in my inktober drawings. For the most part I've always stuck to greyscale, with the exception of a couple of red or gold accents some years.

My main inktober tools are a set of Micron fineliners in various sizes, and liquid India ink, which I use with a dip pen and with brushes. I usually mix up a mid-tone ink wash in a small bottle, and use that throughout the month.

Fineliners pros: portable, require minimal setup, can use on the sofa or in bed or wherever Fineliners cons: creating texture and filling large areas is a lot more time-consuming. In 2021 I did inktober exclusively in fineliner because I was tired and couldn't be bothered to deal with liquid ink, but I ended up spending more time than maybe ever on the drawings because it took so long to add texture with pens.

Ink pros: you can achieve small details with a dip pen as well as quick texture and fill in large areas with a brush and ink washes Ink cons: can be messy (protip from 2022 Liekki, don't spill ink water all over your laptop), usually you have to sit at a table of some kind, you need to wash your brushes and dip pens, if your paper isn't designed for wet media, it'll buckle or bleed

Pick your inking tools and techniques based on how much time you have!

Prompts/ideas/subject matter

I've always stuck to the "official" prompt list, because it brings me joy to scroll through the tag of the day on instagram and see how others interpreted the same prompt. Or, rather, it used to bring me joy to do this, until instagram's enshittification stole our ability to look at tags. Maybe I'll have some luck with that on Cara going forward; here's hoping.

As for ideas, sometimes they come easy, sometimes it's like pulling teeth and I have to enlist all my friends to brainstorm with me (sorry, y'all). When in doubt, draw the first thing that comes to mind when you read the prompt; don't overthink it (like I often do). I like to try to come up with a less obvious interpretation of a prompt, but this is also where I often get stuck and have to harass my loved ones for ideas. Sometimes it helps to relate the prompt to a tv show/book/etc. you're into; I've done quite a bit of inktober fanart, as well as art of various DnD cahracters from games I've played/DM'd. If all else fails, just look at what everyone else is drawing that day.

Time management

Be realistic about how much time you have in a day to work on inktober, and then set your expectations accordingly. If you only have an hour, stick to a size and level of detail that you can realistically finish in an hour. I've done some very quick scribbles in my years of inktober when I've been busy that day.

My personal philosophy is that I try not to plan too much ahead; I don't do any sketching until day of, and ideally I don't try to come up with ideas for a prompt or at least decide on an idea until the day before at the earliest. Containing each drawing in one day helps me have realistic expectations of what's doable. This does mean drawing late into the night sometimes after procrastinating or struggling to find an idea all day, but it's what works for me.

If your goal is to complete inktober, it's better to do a small shitty drawing in ten minutes than to fall behing by starting something way too ambitious that you'll never be able to finish in a day.

Secret third rule!

Accept the fact that you aren't going to be happy with every drawing.

Inktober was created as an exercise to practice inking. Think of your drawings as sketches, not finished masterpieces. Some of them will be bad, at least in your own eyes. Sometimes you'll put a lot of effort into something that just doesn't work out. For example:

To quote Joe Hills, doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is the definition of practice. So you fucked up today's drawing. Tomorrow is a new day – that's the beauty of inktober. "Ever tried, ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better." (Samuel Beckett) Progress isn't linear, either; some years are consistently mediocre, other years it's all over the place with a couple bangers and a couple really shitty ones.

Every inktober I've made drawings I love,

drawings I'm indifferent to,

and drawings that straight up suck.

And I'm at peace with that.

Thanks for reading what turned into a pretty long post, and I hope some of it was helpful. Happy inktobering!

[dailyadventureprompts]

Tableskills: Creating Dread

I've often had a lot of problems telling scary stories at my table, whether it be in d&d or other horror focused games. I personally don't get scared easily, especially around "traditionally horrifying" things so it's hard for me to recreate that experience in others. Likewise, you can't just port horror movie iconography into tabletop and expect it to evoke genuine fear: I've already spoken of being bored out of my mind during the zombie apocalypse, and my few trips into ravenloft have all been filled with similar levels of limp and derivative grimdark.

It took me a long time (and a lot of video essays about films I'd never watched) to realize that in terms of an experience fear is a lot like a joke, in that it requires multiple steps of setup and payoff. Dread is that setup, it's the rising tension in a scene that makes the revelation worth it, the slow and literal rising of a rollercoaster before the drop. It's way easier to inspire dread in your party than it is to scare them apropos of nothing, which has the added flexibility of letting you choose just the right time to deliver the frights.

TLDR: You start with one of the basic human fears (guide to that below) to emotionally prime your players and introduce it to your party in a initially non-threataning manor. Then you introduce a more severe version of it in a way that has stakes but is not overwhelmingly scary just yet. You wait until they're neck deep in this second scenario before throwing in some kind of twist that forces them to confront their discomfort head on.

More advice (and spoilers for The Magnus Archives) below the cut.

Before we go any farther it's vitally important that you learn your party's limits and triggers before a game begins. A lot of ttrpg content can be downright horrifying without even trying to be, so it's critical you know how everyone in your party is going to react to something before you go into it. Whether or not you're running an actual horror game or just wanting to add some tension to an otherwise heroic romp, you and your group need to be on the same page about this, and discuss safety systems from session 0 onwards.

The Fundamental Fears: It may seem a bit basic but one of the greatest tools to help me understand different aspects of horror was the taxonomy invented by Jonathan Sims of The Magnus Archives podcast. He breaks down fear into different thematic and emotional through lines, each given a snappy name and iconography that's so memorable that I often joke it's the queer-horror version of pokemon types or hogwarts houses. If we start with a basic understanding of WHY people find things scary we learn just what dials we need turn in order to build dread in our players.

Implementation: Each of these examples is like a colour we can paint a scene or encounter with, flavouring it just so to tickle a particular, primal part of our party's brains. You don't have to do much, just something along the lines of "the upcoming cave tunnel is getting a little too close for comfort" or "the all-too thin walkway creaks under your weight ", or "what you don't see is the movement at the edge of the room". Once the seed is planted your party's' minds will do most of the work: humans are social, pattern seeking creatures, and the hint of danger to one member of the group will lay the groundwork of fear in all the rest.

The trick here is not to over commit, which is the mistake most ttrpgs make with horror: actually showing the monster, putting the party into a dangerous situation, that’s the finisher, the  punchline of the joke. It’s also a release valve on all the pressure you’ve been hard at work building.

There’s nothing all that scary about fighting a level-appropriate number of skeletons, but forcing your party to creep through a series of dark, cobweb infested catacombs with the THREAT of being attacked by undead? That’s going to have them climbing the walls.

Let narration and bad dice rolls be your main tools here, driving home the discomfort, the risk, the looming threat.

Surprise: Now that you’ve got your party marinating in dread, what you want to do to really scare them is to throw a curve ball. Go back to that list and find another fear which either compliments or contrasts the original one you set up, and have it lurking juuuust out of reach ready to pop up at a moment of perfect tension like a jack in the box. The party is climbing down a slick interior of an underdark cavern, bottom nowhere in sight? They expect to to fall, but what they couldn't possibly expect is for a giant arm to reach out of the darkness and pull one of them down. Have the party figured out that there's a shapeshifter that's infiltrated the rebel meeting and is killing their allies? They suspect suspicion and lies but what they don't expect is for the rebel base to suddenly be on FIRE forcing them to run.

My expert advice is to lightly tease this second threat LONG before you introduce the initial scare. Your players will think you're a genius for doing what amounts to a little extra work, and curse themselves for not paying more attention.

Restraint: Less is more when it comes to scares, as if you do this trick too often your players are going to be inured to it. Try to do it maybe once an adventure, or dungeon level. Scares hit so much harder when the party isn't expecting them. If you're specifically playing in a "horror" game, it's a good idea to introduce a few false scares, or make multiple encounters part of the same bait and switch scare tactic: If we're going into the filthy gross sewer with mould and rot and rats and the like, you'll get more punch if the final challenge isn't corruption based, but is instead some new threat that we could have never prepared for.

Art

[l33bang24]

OMG It's You…(Part 12)

YouTube!Fem reader x Stray Kids

Summary: Y/N’s YouTube channel is taking off after her reactions to Stray Kids MV God’s Menu. Now she’s making videos nonstop along with working a full time job. What would happen if she got offered a job of a lifetime and met the boys of her succession?

🏷: @laylasbunbunny @weirdowithaphone @silverstarburst @jusanontstuff @anxiousskylar @drewsandsebastianswife @amararosesblog @niaalove @blackbluerose666 @bangchansgirlsblog @yukichan67 @katsukis1wife (Taglist open)

⚠️Warnings⚠️: None??

(Author’s Note: Hi! It's been way too long but I finally did it lol. This took me a lot longer than it should have. I originally had half of this done, but then stopped. So I spent majority of my day trying to finish this. This is much longer than any of the others that I've done since I'm including actual events that happened. I hope you enjoy it! P.S. This is not proofread so you might see mistakes.)

Series Masterlist

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Y/N’s POV

My attention shifted from the flyers to the group sitting before me. "A live what?" I repeated, wanting to ensure I had heard them correctly. Jia, one of the staff, spoke up. "We understand this may come as a surprise, but we hope you will consider doing a live reaction on the M2 Channel." As I glanced back at the flyers, I realized they didn't provide much detail beyond describing the game. Taking a moment to collect my thoughts, I began to express my initial impressions.

"Let me make sure I understand this. Y'all want me to provide live commentary on a possible K-pop group entering this race, even though I haven't disclosed my location or employer to anyone?" I held up the flyers for them to see. I received a few nods and let out a frustrated sigh. Before I could respond, someone else chimed in. "We understand how this might look, but that's not our intention." I tilted my head, curious about their explanation.

“Then what are you suggesting?”

“You're eager to let your fans know exactly where you are, right?" I nod, locking my eyes with Jia once again. "We're excited to make that happen for you! MNet wants to provide you with content by having you do a live reaction, which will be posted on your channel. You don't have to disclose that we hired you if you prefer. You could always mention that you've collaborated with us to bring this content to your fans. On the M2 Channel, you'll find regular videos of the K-pop group playing the game. So, what's your take on this?”

As I recline in the chair, I carefully weigh my options. Should I create a video independently or embrace this as an opportunity to break away from my usual routine? All eyes are fixed on me, waiting to gauge my reaction. It would be unwise to decline. After much contemplation, I rise to my feet, placing my hands firmly on the table.

"I accept, but under these conditions. As you've stated, I will not disclose my affiliation with MNet. Additionally, I wish to remain unaware of the group's identity to elicit a genuine reaction from both myself and the viewers. To conclude my video on a high note, I propose surprising the group with my appearance at the end of the game. These are my terms.”

Excitement fills the room as everyone smiles and nods their heads in agreement. "We love it! We all had the same idea about keeping the artist a secret until you see it, and I also love the idea of surprising the artist. I want to add some things if you're okay with it. Otherwise, let’s get this thing rolling if everyone is on the same page.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two weeks have passed since that day. Lately, I've been focusing on acclimating to working with an actual camera crew instead of just a lone camera and going over everything I would be doing. I knew there would be some hilarious bloopers from all the times I'd go blank mid-sentence if I looked at someone. Our filming location is a spacious area encompassed by nothing but dense forest, which I find particularly enchanting. True to their promise, the team never mentioned the presence of the K-pop group in the vicinity. To my surprise, they have constructed a concealed chamber within the building where we will be filming, where I will be stationed. From there, I will oversee the cameras, monitoring all the rooms and the exterior of the building.

Now, I am seated in a makeup chair, anticipating my hair and makeup session. Jia managed to talk me into letting her give me a makeover. I agreed, with the condition that the outfit wouldn't be too revealing. Unlike my hometown, where fall lacks its characteristic chill, South Korea embraces the season. They dressed me in a cozy cream knit sweater, black distressed jeans, and stylish black heeled ankle boots. I inquired about adding a hat to the ensemble, and they promptly presented me with several options.

I decided to wear the sleek black suede hat and styled my hair in tight curls, hoping they would hold. I left the decision on eye makeup to the professionals, wanting a natural look. My nerves were on edge as I awaited the arrival of the mysterious group. All I knew was that M2 would put them through a series of tests in a game called Lover’s Race, inspired by their latest comeback album.

After adding the final touches, it was finally time to set everything up. The setup consisted of a cozy loveseat couch facing a coffee table. The table was adorned with a couple of screens displaying a series of cameras, most focused on the building's interior. A few cameras captured the outdoor surroundings, but not all were active to keep today's surprise guests a secret.

They informed me that the session would begin shortly, allowing me to ready myself for the upcoming experience. Channeling my nervous excitement into a cheerful smile, I observed as they initiated the countdown. "Hello Lovelies! As you can see, I'm not in my typical outfit, but I'm also in a completely different setting. That's because today marks a first for me. I've partnered with MNet Digital Studios to present a live reaction video!”

My smile is radiant, almost to the point of making my cheeks ache. “We're nestled in a breathtaking forest, and our guests today do not know I'm their host. MNet has kept their identities under wraps, ensuring my reaction is completely authentic. And to add an exciting twist, I'll reveal myself to the group at the end of the video.”

“I'm currently tucked away in a secret nook within the filming location, just a few steps away from where all the action will happen.” I couldn't help but let out a nervous little giggle, admitting, "I'm not quite accustomed to having a camera crew focusing on me, so y'all, please bear with me." The staff chuckled along with me, which helped ease my jitters. "It's quite evident that I'm feeling nervous but also incredibly excited. This is my first, so I'm unsure how I'll react. So the question is, are you ready?”

As the discussion about our upcoming activities concluded, the staff informed me that the group had arrived, and the camera crew was en route to help them prepare for filming. My anxiety started to build, and I could feel my heart rate increasing. When the cameras started rolling, what I witnessed momentarily took my breath away. I instinctively raised my hand to cover my gaping mouth, and I realized that I was visibly trembling.

As I sat there, I watched Stray Kids approach the cameras. The camera crew in front of me seemed concerned, noticing my trembling and silence. I had an earpiece, allowing me to hear everything the boys said. I glanced at the staff before me before returning to the screen before me. Despite the situation, I still couldn't bring myself to speak. My voice felt untrustworthy.

I didn't know what to trust; so many emotions ran through my body. I felt the urge to throw up from my chaotic nerves to wanting to cry happy tears. I found it difficult to compose myself when I realized these boys were just steps away from me, completely unaware of my presence. My attention was fixated on the screen, and I could not look away from Chan and Minho. Not to discredit the other boys, they all looked great, but Chan and Minho were particularly captivating.

The boys swiftly arrived at the initial filming location before I even had a chance to say a word. Chan was the first one to break the silence. “Let's introduce ourselves! Step out! Hello, we are Stray Kids!” I applaud enthusiastically, beaming at them. Suddenly, the recorded voice we arranged started speaking. “Those of you here to participate in the Lover’s race!” As the boys glanced around, bewildered, I couldn't hold back my laughter. “I'm the host of this race- Cupid, the god of love.” As the confusion dissipates, Chan suddenly exclaims, "He's there." I lean back in disbelief, my eyes darting to the camera. ‘Excuse me’ look on my face.

I glance at the cameras before uttering, "I'll let that pass for now." then shift my attention back to the screens as Cupid resumes speaking. “A Lover’s Race is a festival for those who can't live a day without love. If you win the race, you can get the proof of love displayed before you. But you must take the lover’s test, and only the ones who get approved by me, Cupid, can participate in the race. Only four people can become lovers! Please try your best to become a lover!” The boys all nodded their heads in unison as Cupid carried on.

“Before we begin the Lover’s test, we’ll have a pretest to get a sneak peek of your qualifications.” I’m giving the cameras a rundown of what the pre-test entails and demonstrating how the paddles work, even though I'm pretty sure they could have figured it out independently. I oversee the boys as they begin the pre-test, carefully noting their answers to determine the winner.

As the boys go through each statement, I can't help but laugh at their antics. The first statement read, ‘I wanna be born as Stray Kids again.’ They all started picking people out immediately, saying they were lying. It went on like this for a while with each statement. I had some favorites out of all ten statements. The best one was, ‘I know my member's birthdays.’ I vividly recall the hilarious chaos when Changbin kept getting Lee Know's birthday wrong despite the other members trying to correct him. I couldn't help but feel sorry for Changbin in that comical situation.

Hyunjin emerged as the victor at the end of the pretest, but his win was met with jeers from the group because he couldn't remember any of their birthdays. “Winner of the pretest, Hyunjin, please go to the house and check the privilege,” Confusion fills the air as Cupid's words leave Hyunjin and the other boys bewildered. Following Cupid's instructions, Hyunjin separates from the boys and walks towards the lodge. As he strolled past, he smiled broadly and enthusiastically waved at the cameras capturing his every move. Meanwhile, his companions exchanged curious remarks about the nature of the special treatment he seemed to be receiving. Upon his arrival at his room, he took a seat and carefully retrieved the card, signaling a shift in the unfolding events.

“Privilege for the winner of the pretest. Two members become a team for the first lover qualification. Please choose a member that you want to be a team.” Hyunjin reads and ponders for a moment. After deciding, he reveals that it would only be for his enjoyment. I smiled at that, shifting my attention to the other boys outside.

Outside, Cupid tells them to wear an eye patch, and Chan accuses Hyunjin of assigning all the rooms. As the boys wear the masks, the staff grabs them individually and takes them to their rooms. I had no input on who would be teamed up with whom—only Hyunjin, who he chose to be his partner. As the guys were put in each room, some took their eye masks off, and some didn’t. Han froze into place and didn’t move for a certain amount of time.

Chan had decided to hide in the closet, but I almost froze once I saw who he was paired with. Both Chan and Lee Know were paired up together. To make matters worse, they were in the room closest to me. I looked up at the cameras like they were crazy; one of the camera operators named Kwan couldn’t help but smirk at me. Oh, how I wanted to wipe it off his face.

My attention was pulled away as I looked at the screen again just in time to see the staff bring Changbin into Hyunjin’s room. After Hyunjin reveals that he chose him as his partner, Changbin hits his shoulder and shows his love for Hyunjin. After settling, I introduced how all the boys were paired up. They were split into four rooms. Room One: Lee Know and Bang Chan, Room Two: Felix and I.N., Room Three: Hyunjin and Changbin, and finally, Room Four: Seungmin and Han.

I give the cameras in front of me a quick rundown of what the lover’s test includes. After that, I picked up the phone connected to the phones in each room. I send out a message to them explaining the same thing. The guys each sent a reply to the message, and I couldn't help but giggle. The first mission is to send a picture of their elbows. I waited patiently for their photographs and viewed the cameras in their rooms as they took their photos. Room 3 cracked me up as Changbin pulled his sleeves to reveal his vast elbow. Hyunjin took a super close picture to hopefully not get caught in the first mission. However, for some members, Changbin is easily picked out.

As they talked amongst each other to figure out who was in the different rooms, I sent out the second mission, which involved sending an emoticon that looked similar to them. Felix and I.N. surprised me as they got all the rooms right within two missions. Room One and Room Three were tied with two, and Room Four had one correct. As we progressed through each mission, some were going way off track while others were getting closer until they started second-guessing themselves.

Watching all the cameras was hard as my eyes returned to the two boys holding my heart. I will forever have the image of Chan and Lee Know holding each other on top of an A4 paper engraved in my brain. All I could think about was how it would feel to be between them. My body started to heat up as if it knew how much body heat it would produce. I had to mentally shake myself out of the dirty thoughts my brain was cooking up. ‘No. You can't be thinking that right now. Not when they are within arms reach.’ Which proved to be more challenging as I could hear them very well. All the while, I was struggling to keep my laughter contained so I wouldn't give myself away. If there's one thing that I know both of them can recognize is my laughter. They always comment on how much they love the sound of it.

By the end of the sixth mission, the boys were informed to wear their eye masks for a 10-minute break. Each was brought in individually, all waiting for Cupid to tell them when they could remove their masks. Once everyone was in the room, Cupid said, “Please remove your eye masks.” They do as instructed, and some wince when the room's brightness hits their eyes. “During the 10-minute break, inspect each other freely.” At this, I.N. was disheartened when he realized it wasn't an ordinary break time. The boys, keeping their guards up, started to question each other or get someone off guard to admit something. Then, the terrible sense investigator (Changbin) begins to investigate. He talks about how he knows who Jeongin’s partner is, then reveals that it's him. Seungmin tricks him by asking him if he's happy to be teamed with Jeongin. While Jeongin says yes, Changbin asks what he is talking about, making the other boys crack up.

Then, the question about Room One’s answer to their shoe sizes is brought up as all the boys start to argue about it not being fair as they add their shoe sizes together to make it more difficult. Chan unintentionally admits that it was hard to calculate, but no one catches it. Seungmin demands to know if it should be accepted, but as they turn to the Cupid statue, it has an eye mask over it, as if it didn't witness anything. I turn to the camera, admitting that I don’t see where it could be an issue as there were no clear directions on how to reply to the mission, as long as they answered the mission task.

Their terrible senses continued as they questioned each other. Soon, their 10 minutes were up, and they were returned to their rooms again. Upon returning, they were quickly given another mission. This included completing the movie script; whoever got it correct would get a special hint. The particular hint is a finger heart of 2 members of the winner's choosing. And if no one gets the correct answer, the extraordinary hint will disappear. The boys acted out the script and gave their answers. Soon, finding out that none of them knew what the movie was and ultimately lost the hint.

Their eighth mission was to draw a portrait of Bang Chan, and I almost died laughing at seeing all of their drawings. Poor Chan couldn't stop laughing at their portraits of him—especially Han’s portrait of Chan. The point check shows Room 2 in the lead with Room 1 behind them, while Room 3 and Room 4 were tied. The last mission is an initial game. The team that sends their message last each round gets eliminated. The winner receives an extraordinary hint. The particular hint is getting the initials of the room of their choosing, so speed is the key to this mission. The first teams being eliminated are Changbin and Hyunjin, and Felix and Jeongin are behind them. The remaining two rooms are Bang Chan and Lee Know versus Seungmin and Han. The last round of initials contains E, E, and S. My mouth dropped when Seungmin beat Lee Know by a close second.

Room 4 chose Room 1 for their extraordinary hint, and I wanted to yell at Chan and LeeKnow for choosing CK instead of CL, which would give them away. Finally, it was time for the boys to send me their final guesses about who they believed was in each room. After doing so, each member left their rooms and met in the respective area.

As they awaited the announcement, I looked over their answers with the staff to determine the first two lovers for the day. Once the answer is required, Cupid announces the order in which they were placed. “I’ll announce the final results! Room Two and Room Four were tied for victory! We have two winning teams, so we had a replay of the video. The results are out. Room 2 was the fastest. Since Room 2 sent their final answer 1 minute earlier, Room 2 is the final winner.” The boys clap as Cupid continues, “I’ll announce the owners of each room! Room 1- Bang Chan and Lee Know. Room 3- Hyunjin and Changbin. Room 4- Seungmin and Han.” All of the boys were shocked as Jeongin and Felix celebrated their victory.

As the boys start talking about how bad their investigation senses are, Cupid announces that they are the winners and that Cupid has approved them to become lovers. They were given heart clips to wear in their hair for the remainder of the race. They move on to the next test, which includes wearing a heart monitor. The objective of this test is not to let your heart rate fluctuate too much as your members compliment you freely.

During all of this, I explained to the viewers that I probably wouldn’t give them a lot of commentary since I had a screen with cameras to view, and it wasn’t an already recorded video that I could stop at any time. So, while they were setting up the next test, I chose this time to speak. “Wow, I won’t lie and say it’s easy to keep up with all these cameras. I love this, and I’m sure you can tell how shocked and nervous I was earlier. I still am.” I laugh as I show my hand, which is still shaking slightly. “It also could be that I haven’t eaten anything. Either way, we already have two of our lovers. We have this test and one more after this; those will give us our last two lovers. After that, we will have the Lover’s Race. Let’s see who will secure those last two spots.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As it turns out, Seungmin and Changbin take the last two spots. Seungmin didn’t surprise me as he could take compliments all day and have it not affect him that much. Chan and Lee Know’s heart rates went into the 100, while the rest boys were between 70 and 90. The last was the verbal test, where the boys were to grab five cards from the table and use them in their confession to one of the three lovers. The lovers themselves would choose the winner. Lee Know’s confession knocked me out of my seat. When he confessed to Jeongin, I quite literally collapsed to the floor, and the staff went to grab me, but I raised my hand to say I was okay even though I knew my heart was pounding out of my chest.

All the other boys went and did their best with the words they pulled, but Changbin’s were the worst. His words were mosquito, bum, armpit, fart, and stress. All of the guys, including myself, couldn’t help but laugh. I wondered how he would pull this off, but I also knew that if anyone could pull this off, it would be Changbin. He asked Felix to step forward and started his confession. “Whenever I stand in front of you, my heart puffs up as if I got a mosquito bite and is about to burst. And I get ticklish; even my armpits get ticklish! Can you see my puffy bum? It’s because I got a mosquito bite. Let’s never get stressed out as we watch tv, fart openly! Please be my soulmate, Yongbok.” Felix tells him a great job as he knows that Changbin did the best he could with his chosen words. So it wasn't a shock when the lovers chose him as the last lover.

I’m getting my stuff together to leave when a staff member stops me. “We have a surprise for you.” She smiles at me while my face certainly shows confusion. “What do you mean you have a surprise for me? I thought I was going home.” She laughs and grabs me lightly to pull me out of the room I’ve been in all day. “Yes, but we wanted to do something for you. Now stop asking questions and go meet with Jia.” I nod as I head to where Jia is standing. She motions with her head to the room where the boys initially met to have their break, and Lee Know was there with an eye mask over his eyes.

I froze and felt myself starting to tremble. Before I bolted away, Jia grabbed me, pulled me away from the room, and spoke hushedly. “I’m sorry for springing this on you, but after your reaction to Lee Know earlier, we’d let you meet him instead of tomorrow. If you don’t want to, we’ll send him back home, and you can meet him tomorrow. We won’t pressure you to meet him, but we thought it would help your nervousness.” I could barely respond to her as my body wouldn’t stop shaking. I tried to take deep breaths, but it seemed to worsen. Jia grabbed my hands, and in doing so, my focus turned to her. She smiles at me softly as she rubs her thumb over my hands. I can’t help but smile slightly and feel myself calm down a bit.

Jia was the only one who knew about me talking to one of the members. Truthfully, no one was supposed to find out, but I had been an idiot for leaving my phone in the meeting room, and as Jia was going to bring it to me, she saw a message from Lee Know and soon connected the dots. I had admitted that I was talking to him and had disclosed that I didn’t want anyone to know about it. Which makes having Lee Know here make sense.

“I know you’ve been talking to him, and I’m sure you’re finally nervous about meeting him in person, but you don’t have to do it today. I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable, and I’m sorry if I did. I’ll send him back home.” I stop her before she gets too far. “I’m okay. I wasn’t expecting this. I’m just nervous about how he’ll think of me when he finally sees me.” She shakes her head before responding, “Sweetheart, from all the messages I’ve seen, that boy loves you. He will be just as excited as you, maybe even more. Now get in there and get your man.” I laugh softly and walk back towards Lee Know.

As I do, he speaks to no one in particular. “Can I take off this mask and go home?” I walk a bit closer and finally speak up. “You can take your mask off, Bunny.” He quickly snatched the mask off his head and looked at me with wide eyes. He took in my appearance as I did the same to him. Before I could utter any more words, he had already taken three long strides and crashed his mouth on mine.

[thriftedtchotchkes]

living in a state of dreaming

summary: it’s been a year since you, joel, and ellie returned to jackson, and you’re finally starting to feel a sense of security. but when the sun goes down and joel closes his eyes, the horrors beyond the walls still hunt him, out to take back the family he’s worked so hard to protect.

pairing: joel miller x reader

warnings: hurt/comfort (mostly comfort), nightmares, sleepwalker!joel, language, minor injury, mention of panic attacks, ellie struggles, post-season one

word count: 1.5k

a/n: inspired by my own sleepwalking adventures :') i've loved tlou since the first game came out, but the hbo show really made me wanna start writing again, so this is my first fic here! thoughts and feedback are super welcome and appreciated! 💕

“You still mumble in your sleep,” she says, worry lines marring her face as Joel shoots up and off the couch. His eyes are much too alert for someone who was dead asleep moments before. 

You meet Ellie’s gaze from across the room, her concern mirrored in your own. Joel had always suffered from nightmares, for as long as you’d known him, but it was so much worse now. Of course, Ellie notices. She may have moved into her own space out back, but she still watches Joel like a hawk, a side-effect of traveling together, of looking out for each other for as long as they had.

You can’t even begin to pinpoint the cause. Sure, he hadn’t loosened up much since your little group arrived in Jackson—he was still Joel, after all—but it had been a year. Ellie was safe, you were safe, and the delusion that nothing could ever harm you again was almost believable. 

But still, there he was every night, tossing and turning, mumbling evolving into screaming as he reached out for you in the dark. 

You do what you can, but your presence alone isn’t enough. You hold him in your arms, the warmth of his back against your chest a reminder that he's still here with you. "Joeljoeljoel," you murmur into his hair. He smells like suede and wood oil, and you squeeze him a little tighter. "I'm here, see? Go back to sleep, we're safe. Nothing here but you and me." 

He’s still trembling, but you can feel his heart rate calming. Just a brief respite until the monsters come for him again.

For a while, Joel tried not sleeping at all. He occupied his nights woodworking, your home slowly filling up with small statues of animals and cowboys, neatly sanded and coated in a fresh stain. He’d let the bite of guitar strings on his calloused fingertips distract him from the burning behind his eyes, the headache blooming in his temples. 

This isn’t sustainable and you both know it. But he’ll keep going, excuses falling from his lips that you and Ellie pretend to believe.

There’s not enough time in the day, he’d say. How do you expect me to finish fixin’ Ellie’s guitar, I made her a promise.

Ellie smiles for him, treads lightly as if she’s dealing with a child, and you think it’s probably a habit she picked up from the little time she had with Tess. It’s okay, Joel, there’s plenty of time for you to teach me. We’ve got forever, and she means it.

Ellie catches you before your shift one morning, her small hand circling your wrist. 

“We should probably talk about Joel,” she lets go and wraps her arms around herself like she always does when she’s upset. You let out a sigh and it feels like you’ve been holding it in for days. She shouldn’t have to worry about things like this. Joel would be furious with himself if he knew.

“Something’s freaking him out. I dunno, maybe you should ask him about it?” She sounds frantic now. “I mean, what if he starts getting those panic-things again and can’t breathe, or he has a fuckin’ heart attack and dies?” You do your best to reassure her.

“Kiddo, I promise he’s not going to die,” your thumb smooths the wrinkle in her brow. “I think he’s just been through a lot. We all have.” Ellie doesn’t look like she believes you; she wants a better answer than that.

“...Do you still get nightmares?”

Your mouth tips down and you glance away. The front door is open and the chill of the air makes you shiver. 

“Yeah, I do. But when I wake up, I know they can’t hurt me anymore,” you reply. She must still have them too, after the horrors she’s seen and lived. So much and yet so little time has passed, but Ellie’s scars are healing. 

The friends she’s made here make her smile and she laughs more. Her cheeks are fuller and her eyes are less clouded. But scars never fade completely.

She nods stiffly.

“I’ll talk to him, see if something happened.” You hug her and she thaws just a little. Ellie hasn’t really warmed up to physical affection, and you won’t push it. But sometimes she welcomes it when she needs the comfort.

“It wasn’t like this out there, I-...I don’t know,” you continue. “I don’t know what changed, but we’ll figure it out.”

You don’t, and it escalates.

Sunday is the first day Joel sleepwalks. He wakes up halfway out of bed, his foot catching on the sharp, wooden bed frame—the one he built himself, close to the ground just like you wanted—and he can feel the skin of his ankle twisting and tearing. 

He catches himself before he can crash to the ground and you’re on him in an instant. “Christ, Joel, are you okay?” 

“S’nothin’,” he grumbles, bleary-eyed and dazed. You move to check the damage to his foot and he swats your hands away, which doesn’t surprise you at all, but hurts nonetheless. 

The few times he let you patch him up were less a choice than a necessity, to say the least. A memory of Ellie with a syringe of penicillin, and you with a roll of duct tape and the cleanest rag you could find comes to mind, and so you let him go. “I got it, jus’ go back to sleep. Sorry for wakin’ you.” 

The door to the bathroom closes and you follow behind, resting your head softly on the door. It’ll get better soon, you tell yourself. It’s getting colder, winter’s on its way, and Joel’s just stressed about sorting out patrol duties; infected are more unpredictable this time of year. Once Tommy and his crew are back from the dam, it’ll be better.  

On Wednesday, his eyes are vacant as he grabs for the doorknob leading out of your bedroom, but it's gone, stolen away in the dark. He pounds his fists against the wood, desperately fitting his fingers in the gap between the door and the frame in a futile attempt to pry it open. 

You don’t fully comprehend what’s happening until the yelling starts, low grunts becoming frantic pleas. He’s calling out for you, for Ellie.

The lights flicker on, enough to make him aware of his surroundings, of reality. Joel’s chest is heaving, eyes sad as your hands take his, leading him back to bed.

It's Saturday when the front door slams open, startling you awake too early in the morning. The other side of the bed is still warm, frighteningly so, as your hand slams down on the sweat-dampened sheets where Joel should be. 

You’re too late to stop him from running out of the house into the cold, barefoot in the snow, as if something was chasing after him.

Joel can feel his heart pounding in his chest, hear the blood rushing in his ears like white noise, and he can’t seem to draw in enough air. He can't remember what he was running from, but its eyes in the shadows still haunt him. It’s all too much and his body finally reaches its breaking point.

It’s a terrifying sight, Joel dropping to his knees. His eyes are blank and he’s gone so, so quiet.

“Joel, please. You have to tell me what to do, tell me how to help you.” Resisting the urge to shake him feels so hard, but you have no idea how else you’re supposed to bring him back from this. He’s sinking into himself, hands tensing and untensing as he battles the urge to fight. 

You wonder if he can even hear you. 

The commotion hasn’t woken Ellie up, and you’re grateful. You don’t want her to see him like this.

“I let my guard down,” his gravelly voice catches you off guard. “This place is makin’ me weak.” Joel’s eyes are wet and your heart shatters. “Once you stop moving, it hits you all at once. The adrenaline’s gone, there’s no gettin’ it back.” His eyes find yours, and you’re frozen. “The fuck am I supposed to protect you like this?”

You sink to the ground to wrap your arms around him and the snow burns as it seeps through your threadbare pajama pants.

“There’s nothing coming for us, the Fireflies are gone. We got her back, okay? She’s ours now,” you murmur, words gentle even as you grip him tight, tethering him to right now. “And sometimes you have to let me protect you. Even from yourself, especially from yourself. That’s what we do, we keep each other going.”

Joel slumps, exhausted. His forehead drops to yours and his nose is cold as it bumps your own, breath warm and humid in contrast. 

“Trust us,” you hum against his lips, and the remaining tension leaves his body.

It’s not enough to stop the nightmares; they’ll never stop. But it’s enough for tonight. And when the monsters come again, you’ll be there to turn on the light.

thanks for reading! 💕

[sauvignonlounicorn]

2024 Fic Roundup

tagged by the delightful @loucifersbitch.

Whoo buddy. Um. I might be a little obsessed with Bucktommy?

I've written 61 fics for a total of 234, 387 words. All bucktommy. This is literally the most I have ever written for a fandom. And that's not counting the little ones I've written lately.

April 2024

Just a Little Something (My first bucktommy fic and the start of the Name of the Game series)

Tommy didn’t think this was how his morning was going to go, that’s for sure. But he’s sitting across from a gorgeous man, holding his hand in the sun. It’s a beautiful day and he wishes he didn’t have to go to work later. __________________________________________________________________________________________________

OR: What happened after Tommy agreed to go to the wedding? Post 7x5.

Off the Deep End

This follows Just a Little Something as Buck and Tommy get to know each other and Buck figures himself out in the time between the coffee date and Maddie and Chimney's wedding.

If Love is Fire then I'll Burn for You

Five times Tommy resists telling Buck he loves him and the time he stops resisting.

Part 3 of the Name of the Game series.

May 2024

At Home

Tiny little post 7x06 ficlet. Buck and Tommy after Maddie and Chimney's wedding.

Lighter

Buck and Tommy run into someone from Tommy's past. Part 4 of Name of the Game.

A Little Like Lightning

The anniversary of the lightning strike is coming up so the team and Tommy rally around Buck. Part 5 of Name of the Game.

The Other Side

Buck meets Tommy's parents and gets a glimpse of what it could have been like had his parents been totally different. Part 6 of The Name of the Game

The Morning of the Day

Tommy gets held hostage in a coffee shop on his and Buck's anniversary.

Because of course he does. Part 7 of The Name of the Game.

June 2024

After

“You okay?” Buck asks, running his hands down the back of Tommy’s head, fingers scraping his scalp. Tommy all but purrs at the sensation.

“Yes,” Tommy answers, eyes searching Buck’s, expression tender. “You feel amazing. I’m never going to get enough of this.”

“God, me neither,” he looks at Tommy, smiles slowly, and decides right then to give it a try. He leans up just a little so he can reach Tommy’s ear as he wraps a hand around Tommy’s neck. He whispers, low and breathy, “Daddy.” The second it comes out of his mouth, he knows he loves it. __________________________________________________________________________ Post 7x10.

Hold onto Me ('Cause I'm a Little Unsteady)

The medal ceremony for the cruise ship rescue for the 118 and Tommy is coming up and Buck has a week and a half to prepare Tommy for Gerrard's presence. He's got a few things up his sleeve. Part 8 of The Name of the Game.

Better Late Than Never

“What are you guys doing here?”

“Well, we had a little emergency…”

Tommy tilts his head and Buck can see him scan his body with the eye of a first responder, as though looking for injuries. “Emergency?”

“Yes." Buck smiles at him sweetly. "I missed you.”

OR: Buck and Tommy haven't seen much of each other lately. Buck remedies that. Part 9 of The Name of the Game.

In the Wind

“Hey baby,” he greets, as cheerfully as he can when he sees the state Evan’s in. The right side of his face has a nasty, dirty gash from brow to jaw, but Tommy doesn’t think, at a quick glance, it’ll need stitches. He’s also cradling his right arm to his chest. Tommy gets to work immediately, getting the other harness around Evan. “Fancy meeting you here.”

Or: Tommy lends a hand when Buck gets stuck on the side of a cliff.

String of Fate

Soon, he’s having the time of his life dancing with Karen and a couple of guys ask to cut in, a couple of women do too, and Buck dances with all of them, but no one sparks his interest.

Until the beautiful guy with the cleft in his chin taps Buck on the shoulder as he and a woman named Beth are finishing a fast dance, Karen having long since made her way back to Hen for a break.

“Hi,” the guy’s smile is gorgeous. He’s got tousled brown hair, dark blue eyes, and is wearing a dark blue button-up shirt that really makes them pop. He’s also built like a damn tank, and Buck feels an instant pang of attraction.

“Hi,” he says brightly. “Wanna dance?”

Or: What if Buck and Tommy's first kiss happened a totally different way?

Outside the Lines

He’d spent at least an hour tracing his fingers up and down Tommy’s body, watching the goosebumps on Tommy’s skin, feeling the shivers that overtook him. Buck always wants to touch him, but it’s nights like these where he takes his time with Tommy, putting his hands everywhere he can get them, the tips of his fingers finding moles, scars, and the lines of his face that show especially when Tommy smiles at Buck.

Or: Buck loves every spot of Tommy's skin.

Hitch in the Plan

“Let’s talk engagement party.” “Yes,” Buck says, holding out a fist for Tommy to bump and he does with a grin. “I’m so excited.” “Me too,” Tommy says, leaning forward in his seat. “What do you have for us?” “Okay, so I’m thinking something low-key. You guys are family-oriented, so I know you’d want your families there, found and biological.” “Yeah,” Buck says, nodding eagerly. “Exactly.”

Or: Maddie is helping Buck and Tommy plan their engagement party but certain members of their families throw a wrench in things. Part 10 of The Name of the Game.

July 2024

Tumbling Down

It happens so fast. The shaking under him worsens, the ground moves and he’s sliding first and falling second. He swears he can hear Tommy yell. Before everything goes dark, he has the presence of mind to press ‘1’ on his phone.

Or: Buck and Tommy go on a hike that ends up being far more dangerous than either of them had planned.

Call Me By My Name

“Tommy was just telling us how great you are.” “He is,” Tommy agrees. “He’s my favorite person. He worked hard to help organize this party too.” Evan shrugs shyly, and Tommy marvels at how different his demeanor is around his parents, as though he’s trying not to take too much space. “It was fun.” “You did a good job,” Maddie says fondly. “I helped a little too,” Tommy says, which is true. “Right, Buck?” Even Maddie looks surprised at that. Evan blinks at him slowly. Then he says, “Yes, you did, and, no absolutely not on the name.”

Or: Tommy sticks up for Buck with his parents and learns something he doesn't expect about Buck in the process. Part 1 of Call Me By My Name.

Call You By Mine

“Okay,” Maddie says slowly. “So let me get this straight: both you and Buck plan to propose to each other, but you don’t know how and you don’t know when.” “Exactly,” Tommy confirms. “Oh also, we both have the belief that we want over-the-top romantic proposals.” Maddie raises an eyebrow. “Do you?” Tommy shrugs. “I mean, would I love it, yeah, but I’ve been thinking of this for the last couple of days and honestly, he could ask me to marry him in a dumpster and I’d say yes.”

Or: Tommy and Buck plan their proposals to each other. Something, however, is bound to get in the way. Part 2 of Call Me By My Name.

August 2024

Aftermath

Just a little missing scene after Chimney tells Gerrard off at the medal ceremony in 7x09.

Admiration

Tommy really, really loves Buck's new hairstyle.

Protective

Tommy confronts Gerrard after one too many comments to Buck.

Eddie Diaz's Couch for Couple's Counseling

"Why don’t you both come over to my place? We’ll set up Chris so he’s playing video games in his room and you can talk in a neutral location.” Buck considers this. “What are you, our couple’s counselor?” Eddie snorts. “You know what, yeah, man, if I have to be.”

Or: Buck and Tommy have their first big fight. Eddie helps.

A Little Less Conversation

"Hey handsome," A voice says behind him, close enough for Tommy to hear over the live band in the bar. "What's a guy like you doing in a place like this?"

Tommy knows he's hitched himself to a total dork, but he's perfectly okay with that.

Devout

He loves this. He loves everything about Tommy, but this... It’s the way he got to come to Tommy’s house, which feels far more like home than his loft ever has. It’s the way Tommy was excited to see him, it’s the way he fills him, covers him, kisses him, and touches him...it’s almost sublime. Every aspect of their relationship is something to be savored.

Buck really really loves Tommy.

Love in the Name

The progression of Buck and Tommy's relationship through pet names.

Parenthood

The adventures of Buck, Tommy, and their daughter Alex.

The Fire in the Fall

The air feels suffocating and even through his turnouts, the heat is reaching unbearable levels and they haven’t even entered the complex yet. He looks at the burning building in front of him and sighs, thinking that he would pick today, one of the worst days he’s had in a long time, to volunteer to help with ground ops.

Or: Tommy Kinard has a very bad day.

Andrew, They're Husbands!

“So, what you’re saying is-” Evan Buckley, says, resting an arm on the shoulder of another guy, tall handsome, with brown hair, and taking a bite out of a giant blueberry muffin. “-that you think you could beat me in an arm wrestling contest.” He hadn’t been here in the loft area when this guy arrived, but Andrew doesn’t think he’s part of the 118. Or at least, not part of the A-shift. He’s not uniform, but he can’t get much more of a handle on him than that.

Or: Probie Andrew Olson can't figure out what's up with the handsome guy Evan Buckley seems to be standing awfully close to. Part 1 of Probie Andrew.

A Light at the End of the Tunnel

It’s one of those days when the intrusive thoughts and spiraling anxiety can’t be distracted with video games and research binges, when getting out of bed takes more energy than just staying in it. When the tears come whether he wants them to or not because his emotions don’t have anywhere else to go.

Or: Buck is having a bad anxiety day. Tommy helps.

In from the Cold

Buck and Tommy go to Minnesota to visit an old Army friend of Tommy's. They get into a little trouble before they leave. Part 11 of The Name of the Game.

Andrew, They Made It!

Andrew is quiet for a moment and bites his lip as he stops at a red light. He’s had something he’s been wanting to ask but hasn’t had the chance. He's not sure now is really the right time, but they did tell him he could ask questions whenever he wanted, so, he might as well give it a try. In the time he's been getting to know Buck and Tommy, he's learned Tommy is a very straightforward guy. If he doesn't want to answer, he won't. "Hey, can I ask you a question?" he asks as the light turns green. He can see Tommy looking at him from his peripheral vision. "Will it distract me from the trouble my disaster-prone husband has had heaped on him this time?"

Or: Andrew picks Tommy up to get to Buck after an incident. He has questions. Sequel to "Andrew, They're Husbands!"

It's True, I Will Rescue You

“I’m training a new probie who seems a little off in ways I can’t describe.” Evan frowns. “What did he do?” “Nothing...I don’t know, just got a weird vibe from him.” Evan grins. “Look at you, talking about vibes.”

Or: A new probie seems to be unable to take the word "No" when it comes to Tommy. How far will he go?

September 2024

In the Name

"You know," Maddie says, amused. "I knew Buck might be an issue with planning this whole wedding, but you, Tommy?" Tommy shrugs. "It's gonna be my first and only wedding. Might as well go all out."

As Tommy and Buck begin planning their wedding, there's some uncertainty about whether their parents will be involved. Part 3 of Call Me by My Name.

Brace for Impact

“Ready, Sergeant Grant?” “Tommy,” she says, checking the straps holding her to her seat. “You just rappelled out of a helicopter and into this plane and are about to attempt to land it in a field in the middle of nowhere. I think you can call me Athena.”

Or: Tommy and Athena try to land a plane safely. Season 8 speculation.

Growing Pains

Buck and Tommy give a school tour to a group of 4th graders.

Bring Your Glory, All You Are

“I’ve noticed something about you,” Tommy says, bracing his arms by Evan’s head to hover over him because there is a pattern of Evan’s he sometimes sinks into in moments of uncertainty that he’s been wanting to...well, correct. Evan blinks, clearly caught off guard at the abrupt conversation change. “What?” Tommy kisses him gently. “Well, it’s like with tonight’s dinner.” “Oh, well, I told you I haven’t really mastered that recipe yet, but-” “No, no,” Tommy insists. “That’s not what I meant at all, but it illustrates my point. See, you sometimes have a tendency to downplay your own abilities.”

Or: Tommy's noticed something about Buck since they started dating.

Post 7x10.

Reprieve

Just a little moment of peace for Buck and Tommy.

Of Holding On and Letting Go

“Well, Captain Kinard,” the committee member says and he really wishes he could remember the guy’s name. He tried squinting at the nameplate, but he left his reading glasses in the SUV and he can’t see it from here. “I’m assuming you have thoughts about this?” Buck stands, having long since gotten used to the name. The ‘Captain’ had taken even longer. He tucks his dress uniform hat under his arm. “I do.”

Or: Far in the future, Buck has some decisions to make about his life going forward.

Take off and fly and dive right in

Tommy's learned a lot of things about Evan in the last six months, that he likes to cook and take care of those he cares about is certainly one of them. Tommy, well, Tommy's long since realized that Evan himself is Tommy's new favorite anything.

October 2024

If you ain't comin' with me, I don't wanna go

“Psst,” Evan’s saying, and Tommy looks at him to see he’s got a hand around his mouth as though he wants to tell Tommy a secret, which honestly, is not new so far. He’s told Tommy many ‘secrets’ he already knows, like that he’s bisexual, that he really hates Gerrard, and that also, he really hates golf. Considering how he got a golfing injury and required surgery in the first place, this is not really surprising.

Or: Buck's a little high from anesthesia and pain medication. Tommy just thinks he's adorable.

Stick the Landing

“ATC, Sergeant Grant, I think I can help.” Athena can hear a sound like...helicopter blades? “Yes?” Athena says urgently. “Who am I speaking with?” “Firefighter Kinard,” Tommy Kinard says over the line and Athena holds her breath. “Maddie Buckley patched me through. I have an idea.” “Tommy,” Athena breathes out. “Tommy. What have you got? I’ll take anything.” “Well, I’ve been on standby, just in case and well, it’s kind of insane.”

Or: Tommy helps land the plane. Post 8x02.

Cheesy Eggs and Cough Syrup

When he gets to Tommy’s door, he leans against it out of sheer relief. The adrenaline and sheer insanity of the whole plane thing and trying to get Athena and the rest of the passengers down safely is finally leaving him. His thoughts are interrupted when he hears a faint cough from the other side of the door and he winces in sympathy. He’d hoped that would have been better by now.

Or: Buck goes home to Tommy after 8x03.

It's Freakin' Bats!

He startles awake with a gasp, sitting straight in bed. He’s scared and he doesn’t know why so he closes his eyes, breathes deep, and feels himself start to relax. Once the feeling fades, he looks at the time, and sees it’s just after 2AM. Grabbing his phone, he opens his text thread with Tommy and sends a heart.

Or: it's Buck and Tommy's first Halloween together and Buck's not quite feeling himself.

Contact

Just a little post 8x05 ficlet. Tommy helps Buck with his little skin problem.

Names in the Sand

They get their room keys and are barely inside the room before Tommy turns around, cupping his face and pulling him into a glorious kiss. When they break away, Tommy's smile can only be described as dreamy and Buck is pretty sure he lost all sense of space and time. “Wow,” he says, wrapping his arms around Tommy’s neck. “You can kiss me like that any time you want, Mr. Kinard.” Tommy snickers. "Couldn’t help myself. I know we've been married for months now, but every once in a while, I remember that I get to call you my husband." Buck grins. "Me too."

or: Buck and Tommy on their honeymoon. Part 4 of Call Me By My Name.

Just Breathe

Evan runs a hand through his hair. “You okay?” “Yeah,” Tommy says, clearing his throat against the slight tickle. “I’m okay. Think I’ve just got a small cold coming on or something.” Evan frowns and feels his forehead. “You don’t feel warm.” “It’s okay,” Tommy assures him. “It’s probably nothing.” “Okay,” Evan says eyeing him a little skeptically. “You’d tell me if it wasn’t?” “Sure,” Tommy answers, avoiding Evan’s eyes as he takes another sip.

Or: Tommy ends up with a cold and finds he has more people in his corner than he realized.

November 2024

Collateral Damage

"It’s our first night off together in forever. I was wondering about dinner? Stay in or go out?” Tommy thinks about how to answer that. An answer that doesn’t make any sense should set off the alarm bells he needs. "Um, you know, we talked about that chicken the other night," Tommy says as nonchalantly as he can. And he can hear it. Evan's not making a sound but he knows something is up because they never had any such conversation. "Did we?" Evan says just as carefully. "We did," Tommy answers and decides to use his ace in the hole. "Didn't we, Buck?" "You're in trouble," Evan says immediately.

Or: Tommy's held hostage at Harbor station.

Out of the Woods

“Please stay,” Evan pleads, Tommy can hear the edges of tears in his voice, and his own eyes fill against his will. “Please don’t leave; talk to me. This isn’t the guy who agreed to go to my sister’s wedding with me. This isn’t the guy who took care of me after I dislocated my shoulder and went to a funeral for a dead outlaw just because I asked him to.” Tommy raises his hand and wipes his eyes before turning slowly. Evan’s still sitting on the island, looking at him pleadingly. Tommy walks back to his seat and sits down, and Evan exhales slowly. “Thank you,” he says and Tommy sees his hand shift slightly, as though to take Tommy’s but he doesn’t. Tommy wishes he would.

Or: Tommy doesn't leave. 8x06 fix-it fic.

promise me that you'll hold me close

“Hey,” Eddie’s voice pops through his thoughts and he looks up to see him and Howie looking at him in concern. He sort of hates that, but is also grateful adding to the confusion about how he feels tonight. “Sorry,” he says, leaning forward and taking a sip of his beer, which is pretty good actually. It’s hard to find craft beers he isn’t picky about. Evan used to gently tease him about it. Just thinking that makes a pang of hurt strike through his heart. “I’m good.” Eddie and Howie look at each other in unison. “No, you’re not,” Eddie says, setting his beer down. “We had hoped to distract you tonight, but it’s not working is it? Come on, man, you’re 40 today.”

Or: Tommy's birthday is a few days after the break up, but thankfully he's not alone. 8x06 fix-it.

Love Like That

He wants to write a veritable novel, about how he feels, why he asked him to move in, and what freaked him out so badly that he ran instead of staying to talk. He wants so damn much that he’s too afraid to ask for.

Or: 3 times Buck gives Tommy a baked good and one time he doesn't have to. Post 8x07.

Repeat and Redo

Tommy exhales slowly. “This was a good idea.” Buck kisses him again. “Yeah. It was. It’s also a really good thing we have the theater to ourselves.” Tommy laughs, and they watch the movie, interspersed with gentle kisses like they can’t resist. Buck thinks this is the best second-first date he’s ever had.

Or: Buck and Tommy have a redo after they reconcile. Another 8x06 fix-it fic.

TLC

Buck knows Tommy loves to take care of him and he'd be lying if he said he didn't love it. He's never had anyone who wanted to take care of him before. He will always remember Billy Boils and his curse, and Tommy's skepticism and acceptance. But he wants to take care of Tommy, too, and Tommy rarely lets him. They'd had an argument about it once after a rescue gone wrong, when Buck had to push and push until Tommy broke down in his arms over losing a patient. So every once in a while, Buck takes care of Tommy.

Or: Tommy has a bad day. Buck wants to make it better.

i see you in my fireflies

“Anything you need to talk about?” he says and Tommy can see he’s practically bouncing in place. “No, baby,” Tommy says with a grin. “But thank you for asking.” Evan throws his hands up. “I don’t want to neglect you or anything. I want to make sure I’m giving you what you need.” Tommy finally sets the bag by the door and throws his keys on the little side table there for that purpose before moving toward him and wrapping careful arms around his waist, mindful of the broken arm in a sling as he pulls him in, kissing his forehead. “You’ve been obsessing haven’t you?” Evan sighs. “My dick has betrayed me.”

Or: Buck's on pain meds that have made things difficult. He does have an idea for Tommy, though. Part 1 of Light Me Up.

in the clear yet, good

"...look, as your best friend, I felt like it was my duty to help you avoid calling your ex, but Buck, I've never seen you like this before. With anyone. I wasn't around for Abby, but, from what I’ve heard, that wasn’t great either?" "Oh, that was a mess, too," Buck assures him and Eddie raises an eyebrow. "The same kind of mess?" Buck thinks about that for a second. "No. It was just...different." "Well, regardless," Eddie says, sitting back. "We were too flippant about this because you're clearly not getting over it. Right?" "No," Buck admits, because no. He's nowhere close. "I think I'm in love with him."

Or: Eddie does a little meddling and Buck doesn't have it in him to be mad about it.

all you have to do is stay

“You left,” Buck accuses. “I know,” Tommy answers. “I regretted it the second I walked out your door. I just...after what I said, I wasn’t sure I deserved to come back.” Buck backs away, looks at his face, and sees the tears in his eyes. “So why did you come this time?” “You asked me to,” Tommy answers simply. “You need me, I’ll come, Evan.”

Or: Buck has a panic attack and asks for help. It's just not who he was expecting.

Liminal Spaces

It happens so fast, that Tommy's not even sure how it starts. First, he's walking toward Evan, slowly, hesitantly, after a quick mental conversation with himself when he decides he's just going to go say 'hi' and test the waters, try not to say ‘ImissyouImissyouImissyou’ when he hears the sound of car tires squealing. It comes out of nowhere, he thinks, the car, going so fast that Tommy doesn't have time to think. Because it's heading straight for Evan. No. No, that's not happening. So Tommy runs as fast as he can and pushes Evan out of the way, hard.

Or: Tommy saves Buck from an aggressive driver and he and Tommy figure things out along the way.

December 2024

Truth or Dare

Buck and Tommy and a kind of new beginning.

i want to see you with my eyes

Buck loves him like this. He loves him anyway he can get him of course, but this man...the man who got so scared of how much he loved Buck, afraid to show who he really was for fear that Buck wouldn’t love him that he ran, to the man who came back at Buck’s door three days later, near tears and begging for forgiveness to the man who proposed six months later over Mexican food, unplanned because he just couldn’t help himself...this man who he married on the beach in front of their family and friends, who’s still slowly learning that, not only is it okay to be himself, but that Buck loves him unconditionally for all of it…this man who lets Buck in, who looks so relaxed and happy right now that Buck knows he would do damn near anything to keep him that way.

Or: Tommy asks to start exploring some kink in bed. Buck is determined to give him exactly what he wants.

i choose us every time

“You’re sweet, coming here just because he asked you to.” Tommy shrugs, looking back at Evan, Karen, and Maddie. “I love him. Anytime he asks me to do something I didn’t expect to do, whether it be small or not, I’m okay with it. More than, because it’s the least I can do." Hen regards him carefully. “You trying to make up for misdeeds?” Tommy shrugs but she seems to know anyway. “You know he doesn’t think of it that way. You guys worked everything out and are better than ever.” “I know,” Tommy admits. “But I’ve also spent a lot of my life going with the flow...being with him opens up my world, you know?”

Or: 5 times Tommy doesn't say no to Buck, stepping out of his comfort zone, and 1 time Tommy doesn't even need to think about it.

take my whole life, too

"I have an idea," Buck says slowly. "And you can say no, well, I mean, I wish you wouldn't because I really want to help you, but-" "Evan," Tommy says, and if Buck isn't mistaken, there's an undercurrent of affection there. "What's your idea?" "We get married," Buck says before he can change his mind. "So you get your inheritance." Now it's Tommy's turn to spit beer all over their table. “Evan, have you lost your mind?”

Or: Tommy has a problem. Buck has a solution. Currently posted 5/9 chapters.

a story for another day

He dresses quickly, rushes down the stairs, pulls his stuff together and figures he'll grab a muffin or something at the coffee shop. He's there within fifteen minutes, getting out of the car just as his phone goes off with another text. He's walking toward the coffee shop and has just gotten to the door as he reads a demand from Eddie for a cupcake when he walks right into a brick wall. Well. A brick wall that makes an 'oof' noise and then a 'damn it.'

Or: Buck meets Tommy in an entirely different way.

WHEW! That was some work. Thank you to everyone who has supported me, especially @louvemeanyway and @desert--moonchild who have been beta readers and sounding boards.

no pressure tags (sorry if you've already done this): @louvemeanyway, @desert--moonchild, @mmso-notlikethat, @cjlouwho, @herrmannhalsteadproduction