#...this is probably bc of what the drama did as I said before. the vagueness _ emotional performance really sold a lot of ppl

[ava-du-mortain]

sad rambling vent post about my relationship with the wayhaven fandom.

i think a lot abt how fandom ruined my relationship with wayhaven bc it's my comfort media but i feel so paranoid interacting with literally every single person in the fandom because of the shit i dealt with and i know i have talked about this before and you're probably like "damn bitch go to therapy or shut up"

but idk sometimes i remember that and i get sad because no matter what relationships I've made in fandom or the people i think are cool or whose writing and art i love, there will always be that voice in my head telling me "there's a discord server where people talk shit about you"

(and i need to stress that's not pure paranoia and early in my fandom days there WAS a discord server where people regularly talked shit about me and accused me of shit i didn't do or say. and some of those ppl are STILL in fandom and still mutuals in law with me)

that isn't to like shame people who may be friends with them esp cuz like im not gonna openly call anyone out over some he said she said they said nonsense but like 🤷 idk i wish that the people who treated me like a fandom pariah didn't succeed in doing so? i wish my friends who had been in that server at the time stuck up for me when it did happen?

because i have an ex friend who would be in my dms telling me how these people are talking shit about me and making false accusations so they can justify hating me but he would still be a part of that server and friends with those people so as not to rock the boat

and idk how am i supposed to feel about that? and like because of shit like this i can't fully trust that anyone in the wayhaven fandom isn't in a group chat where maybe occasionally if i say some shit in the tags maybe someone will bring it up in the server and go "lmao remember that bitch pap we used to talk shit about 3 years ago" and rehash all the shit they used to say to even new people in the fandom

because there are people who preemptively block me when joining the wayhaven fandom and idk how to deal with that when literally the only controversial thing I've ever done is stick to my guns about how i feel about racism and r/adfems in fandom. like that's the kind of shit i got called retarded for and sent anon hate consistently through end of 2020 beginning of 2021? i got accused of harassing a person I'd literally never met for making 1 incredibly general text post about racism in fandom with no identifying information (because i wasn't talking about anyone specific) and people still have me blocked over that shit. I had someone who i thought was a friend vague post about me (a trigger of my paranoia) the same day I posted about how I was having suicidal ideation around my paranoia due to people vague posting about me constantly—literally only over me not using his art in a fandom event, like he got paid + a tip for a commission and in the end we didn't feel it was a fit and respectfully told him so (but he still got that bag??) and he decided suicide baiting was the answer.

girl i don't even fucking know what to do

how do i even begin to repair my relationship with this fucking hostile fandom without grovelling at the feet of shitty white fandom moms who decided im hostile and bringing drama to fandom?

idk im tired and im not sure if this makes sense but I'm hitting post anyway

[golbrocklovely]

What's you opinion on the colby and mlp drama? I see some fans are mad at him for "breaking her heart", cause the poor girl was waiting around for 8 years in the hopes of him finally making her his girlfriend and he has the audacity to date another girl. For all we know they're never been in a committed relationship.Her fans should be encouraging her to finally getting over him and move on.

i've gotten an ask about this before, a week or so back. i was against commenting on it just bc i don't want to give mlp the time of day. but as things have slowly played out, via her and her fans… i don't really feel the need to stay silent on it.

there's a lot i'm probably gonna say, so this will most likely be a very long post lol

and to those of you that hate-read the shit i post - especially since you like mlp so much - i ask you kindly to read completely thru. i know that's a lot, but please consider doing it, especially before you send in an ask calling me a "dick rider" for colby just bc i don't immediately say he's a slut and a douchebag for breaking her heart :)

i'm gonna give the briefest of rundowns for those that don't know.

first off, if you want to know how i feel about mlp, here is an ask i answered a while ago detailing most (if not all) of the shit she has done over the years.

secondly tbh, i never understood her relationship with colby. sure, they were always weirdly flirty, seemingly in a will-they-won't-they type of thing. but her livestreams have painted an ENTIRELY different picture. one that paints her as a bit…. unhinged, imo. he doesn't look great either, but i'll get into it.

now, what has been happening recently: i pop in occasionally to her streams but for the most part i steer clear bc she annoys me too much. i have friends that tell me everything, plus you guys. but i have witnessed some stuff with my own two eyes. when she first started streaming, she was NONSTOP talking about colby. answered any and all questions about him, how they were super close, talked about adventure buddies, said all the good poems in her book are about him, even saying she was gonna have him on at some point soon. and she was gonna have him in videos soon as well.

as you have pointed out, anon, her fans are mad that he "broke her heart" but how that became "reality", so to speak, stems from this: her sister asked her what she was doing for nye, and mlp said she had no plans bc "no one asked her yet" to do anything. fast forward to after colby's bday, aka around the time the pics of him and m leaked, and suddenly mlp is not streaming.

the stream she did a couple days after colby's bday is a new level of crazy i haven't seen from her bc she just aired it ALL out. and even if she didn't do that, her fans with their big ass mouths on twitter, insta, and tiktok, have been doing it for her.

she explained to her chat that she just went thru a breakup, basically. that it was an eight/nine year long situationship that was on and off again…. interestingly, her and colby have been friends since 2015. which would be…. eight/nine years.

very clearly, she is talking about colby, without saying his name.

now, there was someone in chat that said something about situationships, someone else asked what a situationship is, and the person replied with "a sexual relationship but with no commitment" or something vaguely like that. mlp immediately said "oh that's not what i had."

………so, you're telling me that whatever went on between the two of them….. wasn't sexual…. at all??? maybe i don't understand what a situationship is then, bc i was under the impression that the SEX PART was kinda the whole point. otherwise…. you just kinda have a friendship. an emotional situationship is just not a thing lol

even tho she kept telling her chat "i can't talk about this", she just kept going. she said that la changes ppl, that she thought they were on the same page for years and then all of sudden things took a turn. she thought she knew him well bc she was so close to him for so long. she can't talk about it publicly bc it's "too obvious" and she has to stay offline bc it's all on social media (which really just… seals the deal that it's about colby lol). she said she cried in his face and he said nothing. she also, verbatim, said "it's like one week you're their everything and then the next they want to go party and be with crazy girls and i'm not crazy" which…. cmon girl. you might as well have said m's name atp.

now, with all of this out of the way… how do i personally feel about this, since my opinion is so valid lol jk

for years, mlp has made it her mission to plant the seeds thru out the fandom that her and colby were secretly dating behind the scenes. that they had something going on but "oh guys, i can't talk about it ;)", playing coy and never outright shutting down the rumors. i have literal ss from her fan accounts saying "you guys don't know the truth. of course colby would never tell the full story" and shit like that. these are fans that fully were in GROUP CHATS with her for years, listening to her every word. so it's very clear to me she was telling them directly what was going on.

or at least the good parts - that her and colby were a thing.

but colby CONSISTENTLY has said time and time again that he is single, that he is not looking for a gf, that he hasn't had one since 2016, that he hasn't met someone he wants to spend the rest of his life with. he has said all of that to us for YEARS. now, unless bts he was saying to mlp "oh baby, you know i'm just lying to the fans" that is the ONLY WAY he would be completely in the wrong here. regardless, colby has been seen publicly with girls so. many. times. mlp has been called out for liking edits making fun of said girls! she's also been rumored to be his guard dog, to loom over him, that he needs to "keep his bitch on a lease" - and the ppl who said this were the girls that were fucking with him. so she isn't in the dark that he is with other ppl.

and again, a situationship is NONCOMMITTAL. that means they aren't dedicated to each other. she herself has been with other guys, she admitted that. so why is it colby is the asshole here?

her fans are claiming that he flaked on her, that he chose m over her….. babes, that's not how this works. first off, again - noncommittal. these are the terms and conditions they BOTH agreed to. they have been playing this cat and mouse game since like 2016. nothing about their relationship has changed since then, let's be honest here. secondly, she literally said out loud "no one has asked me" aka COLBY DIDN'T MAKE PLANS WITH HER. so, he can't flake on someone he didn't make plans with. and this is no shade to mlp - but she doesn't drink, she doesn't party. colby for years has always been a partier. what exactly was he supposed to do with her on nye???? i'm not saying that to be mean. i say this as someone who is a wallflower, a stick in the mud, a prude, a straight-edge, ect ect. i haven't partied since i was in my early 20s. i get the lifestyle she has. i'm just saying realistically, of course he's not gonna want to hang out with her on one of the biggest nights to party.

now, all of this is not to say that she is the only one that did wrong in this situationship. colby should have said something long before now. but he liked that she emotionally supported him, he liked he could rely on her for his emotional needs to be fulfilled. he should have realized how deeply into him she was. he should have cut the chord long before things got to what they are today. but to bring it back to mlp, since this is about her mostly - she is 30. THIRTY. she has been playing this game since her early 20s. she knew what she signed up for. they haven't even had sex. with all that deep emotional bond shit they had going on - they never got intimate in that way. and clearly, she never had a problem with it. until now.

i think for the entirety of their relationship, mlp knew at the drop of a hat colby would come running to her - and vice versa. i think this is the ONE TIME he chose someone else over her. that, tied with the fact that she was making all these promises of him being in her content - videos, her documentary, streams - she NEEDED colby to say yes to all of this. and maybe he said yes, but then changed his mind. maybe he said he was too busy, and when she found out what he was busy with (hanging out with m on nye), it finally clicked that he was not into her like she was into him. even tho as a fan that has been obvious for years now.

and while i don't like mlp, i don't wish her harm. i don't wish her to be heart broken or sad. i know exactly what she is going thru. all of my dating experience has been unrequited love. i get it. trust me. however, you can't play innocent and naive. you knew what colby was doing all this time. and sure, he's a dick for not stopping this sooner. but you clearly knew what was up - YOU COULD HAVE LEFT. you had years, eight years in fact, to leave at any point. but you accepted what you could get, and you milked it for all it was worth. not to mention, but how did you expect him to want to be with you when you are in gcs with his minor fans talking about him constantly??? that man likes to keep things private, and you were basically shouting it from the rooftops.

not only that, but you played the fun game of shitting on any girl he was friends with or hooking up with. and only apologized when you got called out for it. and then tried to play the whole "i'm all for women supporting women" bs. let's be real honest, cards on the table - you only support women when you deem them as nonthreatening. the moment a woman is competition to you, especially in regards to getting attention from colby, you shit on them. bc you're scared. you're scared he will choose them over you.

also this doesn't even take into the fact that why would you want him to date you at this point when he has made it clear he doesn't like you like that? you want him to lie and pretend to be into you?

all of this being said, while i do have some sympathy for her, i also really don't. and the reason for it is bc she LIES. she egregiously lies, and has done it multiple times in her live streams (and obviously for years now).

here's two main ones, off the top of my head: one, she said she doesn't who corey scherer is…… besides the fact that apparently she has been in colby's life since basically corey was there, i find it hard to believe she doesn't know who he is. one reason is bc she used to go over to the old trap house. she 100% met him. and you know why i know this? reason number two, SHE IS IN THE BACKGROUND OF ONE OF COREY'S VIDEOS. she is there, sitting next colby. watching corey do something goofy for his vlog. why she would lie about this, idk.

two, and this is a bit of a weird one, she said she doesn't like zoos. she said bc she's vegan, zoos make her upset and cry and that she wants animals to be free or whatever. okay, hey, that's valid. and you might be like "how is this a lie?" well, back in september, when snc were in hot topic. she went with colby to said store. you know what they did after that (maybe even before)? THEY WENT TO A ZOO. i got the video clips of her giggling with colby over a capybara. the last time she seemingly hung out with him publicly was THEM GOING TO A ZOO. when she answered this question on stream, i was confused. bc she literally was just at a zoo with colby. so why lie??

she doesn't even benefit from lying about this shit. so what is the point?

and the reason why a lot of this deeply pisses me off is bc of how two faced these fans of hers (and colby's) are. in chat, she will have ppl kissing her ass, saying colby is a shitty guy. he's emo trash, he's a douche, they want beat the shit out of him from breaking her heart. he's a slut, and they even trash m. all that. but then, weirdly, on twitter and on xplrclub these same exact fans are begging, PLEADING, for colby to give them a crumb of attention. making edits of him, buying the merch, tagging him relentlessly. so��� which is it? is he a dickhead, or is he this swell guy you want to have say your name in chat? pick a fucking lane.

okay. i'm done now :) lol

[the-invisible-queer]

Sooooo for the anon who asked (and for you of course, if you're interested), I've compiled a lazy timeline of Joe's relationship history - just things I remembered off-hand, no researching or fact-checking or anything. I'm truly sorry for how fucking long it is lmao, tbh you may want to copy and paste it into a text post so you can put a Read More bc holy shit why has this man had so many relationships and WHY DID I REMEMBER SO MUCH OF IT WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME. As a disclaimer my level of JB obsession has varied a lot over the years, so some of these relationships I know a lot more about than others just based on how closely I was following Joe at the time, and again I didn't research literally anything here so it's possible some of it may be misremembered. Okay here we go:

Mandy, who the OG song Mandy was written about, was the first Joe romantic interest fans ever knew about. I don’t remember anymore if they were actually even together at all or if he just like had a crush on her or something, but he was definitely into her to some degree when he was very young.

He dated AJ Michalka from Aly and AJ for some unknown length of time when they were like 15-16. He eventually revealed that she was his first kiss, she miiiiight have said he was hers too but I also could have imagined that. For a long time it was rumored that Potential Breakup Song was about him, but years and years later while answering fan questions on Twitter AJ finally said it wasn’t, but a different breakup song called Flattery was. (First known appearance of Joe Jonas: Serial Muse Extraordinaire. It would take two more strikes for him to finally seemingly learn that he should probably stop dating and dumping songwriters.)

For a hot minute he was rumored to be dating Miley’s friend/backup dancer Mandy (of The Miley and Mandy Show fame) during the Best of Both Worlds Tour, but I genuinely to this day don’t know if that was true or not lol. I remember a couple vaguely 👀 pictures existing of the two of them but they also both seemed to just be physically affectionate people in general, so they truly could have just been friends.

Joe met Taylor Swift in 2008 and, as teenagers sometimes do, they had what seemed to be a brief but intense relationship that then exploded into a dramatic mess. He famously broke up with her via a 27-second phone call, she famously exposed this on the Ellen show, and then they both spent the next couple years just publicly whacking each other at random opportunities before the bad blood (no pun intended) between them seemed to dry up and they gradually became friends, especially once Joe started dating Gigi Hadid who was already close friends with Taylor. A lot of bangers came out of this relationship and breakup on Taylor’s end – I can’t pretend that songs like Jump Then Fall and Last Kiss weren’t integral to my young Joe girl fantasies about the kind of boyfriend he was, really appreciated that very descriptive imagery – but IIRC the only JB song specifically known to be about her was Much Better. The Jaylor arc eventually wrapped up with both of them saying it was silly teen drama they laugh about now and each making gestures of amends (him changing the live lyrics of Much Better to acknowledge that they’re cool with each other, her saying she regretted putting him on blast on Ellen and should have handled it differently) and she sent him and Sophie a baby present before Willa was born. ALSO: one of my favorite bits of hilariously random Joe lore ever is that in 2015 he went to one of Taylor’s concerts and hung out with her brother, who at one point very literally had Joe’s tiny ass sitting on his shoulders while they vibed to the music. Like…okay then lmfao.

Next was Camilla Belle, who he met when she starred in the Lovebug music video. I’d be remiss not to acknowledge that the public Taylor/Camilla timeline was a bit messy and it’s not entirely clear to this day if there was any overlap or if he fully dumped Taylor before pursuing the new object of his interests, but either way it was pretty clear at the time that he didn’t really behave wonderfully there. Maybe watching Nick start living out his own fuckboy love triangle era around this time inspired him. Regardless, he and Camilla were together for I want to say several months at least before he seemed to get his heart broken pretty badly. I was kind of getting less involved in Jonas fandom by then due to some new fixation I was having instead so I don’t really remember what happened between them, if we ever even knew to begin with, but I do remember him seeming pretty torn up over her for a hot minute there. The one other bit of Camilla lore I remember was that there was apparently some drama at the beginning because Joe and Nick both liked her, which in hindsight is extremely ?????????? all around bc 1) Nick was like 16 and I'm pretty sure Camilla was like 22, he absolutely should not have even been in that conversation at all, 2) Joe probably shouldn't have been in the conversation at all either considering he literally already had a girlfriend at the time and 3) genuinely the very last thing Nick should have been doing in 2008 was trying to pick up a THIRD girl as if his plate wasn't more than full enough already? Was his little ass trying to build a harem??? ANYWAY.

I think Demi was next after Camilla, but again I was falling out of keeping close track of the Jonaii during this time so this is where things start getting pretty fuzzy. I want to say they got together at some point during the filming of Camp Rock 2, or maybe during the press tour for it? and their relationship was fairly highly-publicized, including a professional joint photoshoot and interview they did for some magazine which awkwardly released like right after they broke up lol. While Demi’s feelings seem to have been fully genuine, Joe revealed (or at least implied, I honestly never read what he said about this firsthand lol I just heard about it a lot) at some point years later that he’d felt pressured into dating her by Disney/his team for publicity reasons. I withhold judgment on that aspect since this was obviously a super fucked up situation neither of those very young people should have ever been put in by their employers in the first place, but regardless he clearly went on to hurt her in some way bc she wrote a lot of heartbroken songs about him (including some she co-wrote with Nick, which he’s said was very awkward for him lmao). The song Sorry from Fastlife – not to be confused with Sorry from ALBL, which was about Miley – is commonly thought to be about Demi, though idk if that was ever officially confirmed or not. They clearly worked things out at some point though, because for several years in the 2010s they seemed to be fairly close friends…until they weren’t anymore. It’s still not clear if something happened between them specifically or if Joe sided with his brother in whatever fallout destroyed her friendship with Nick or what, but for a while Demi appeared to be on pretty bad terms with all the brothers. Nowadays she and Joe seem to be okay with each other – they hung out at her Halloween party a few years ago and seemingly had a good time together, and I think they sometimes like each other’s IG posts and such – but alas, the glory days of their friendship seem to be over for good.

At some point somewhere in all of this Joe dated Brenda Song for like three weeks or something??? We know almost nothing about this fling except that it happened. I constantly manage to forget about this and every single time I remember I’m just as surprised as I was the first time I learned it.

I wasn’t paying much attention at all when Ashley Greene showed up in Joe’s life so I genuinely don’t remember when that happened – I feel like it could potentially have been anywhere from late-ish 2009 to early-ish 2011 – or how long they lasted. I do remember that he always seemed happy with her and from what little I saw of them I thought they looked more serious than any of his past relationships had. She apparently inspired most of Fastlife. At some point they broke up, which as far as I know wasn’t dramatic (at least not publicly) but again, I was barely keeping up with Joe at the time. Years later, he revealed in a Reddit AMA that he lost his virginity to her.

I vaguely recall him going on like one or two dates with various random women in the early 2010s, none of whom seemed to stick for very long before being replaced with another. The only somewhat notable one of these women was model Natashia Ho; we’ll come back to that in a minute.

At some point in 2012 he started dating artist Blanda Eggenschwiler, who would become his longest and most serious relationship until Sophie. They seemed very happy together and posted each other on IG a lot. At some point he got a tattoo inspired by one of her paintings, which he still has and presumably has no plans to ever remove or cover up. In early 2013 there was a wild and hysterical rumor about a sex tape of the two of them that allegedly involved, among other things, Joe getting paddled with a ball gag in his mouth – during the initial hilarious drama of this rumor dropping Natashia Ho, previously all but forgotten about by fans, tweeted “Yea sounds about right” and then deleted it shortly after which was…honestly probably still the funniest thing any Jonas ex has ever done tbh. An icon. ANYWAY: My most vivid memory from this relationship is that during the big drama of the band breaking up (though at the time we didn’t know yet that was what was going on, just that the tour that had been about to start got cancelled super suddenly and everyone was being weird and vague about why and Joe and Kevin seemed upset), we got several days of sad or anxious-looking Joe candids in a row, and then the first time we saw him smiling again after everything exploded was when Blanda was with him ❤️ Most of the fandom liked Blanda a lot and and we quietly suspected for a while there that she was the woman he was going to marry (he may have also thought this himself at one time), but alas, they shocked us all by announcing their breakup in I believe August of 2014. As far as I remember there was never any post-breakup drama or anything between them and she just kind of faded away from fandom consciousness, except for one incident I remember from a few months after the breakup where she posted like a half-finished drawing of a face that looked suspiciously similar to Joe’s on her IG, leading to a lot of speculation and debate among fans about if it was supposed to be him or not and what, if anything, it meant if it was. (The answer apparently was that it meant nothing, because they didn’t get back together or anything, although I’m not sure if that’s even what we were expecting anyway. In hindsight that whole situation was just kinda dumb and pointless lmao but it kept us entertained for days regardless.)

Joe and Gigi Hadid started dating in I want to say early 2015. I was barely paying attention at this point and genuinely have no recollection at all of how long this relationship lasted – I feel like it was pretty short-lived but idk – but it went on at least long enough for her to direct the Cake By The Ocean music video, so there’s that I guess. Gigi got back with her ex Zayn very shortly after they broke up and Joe apparently made some kind of comment (again, I never read it just heard about it) implying that he was somewhat bitter about this. When asked at some point not super long after their breakup to play Fuck/Marry/Kill with three of his famous exes, he said he would kill Gigi (and marry Demi and fuck Taylor, if anyone's curious). If there was any further Joegi lore after that, I either never knew it or don’t remember it.

Joe and Sophie started talking in DMs and then hanging out in person at some unspecified point in 2016, but weren’t publicly spotted together until late in the year – IIRC they were first seen together in group pics from some random Halloween party, but no one really seemed to put two and two together until a few days later when they were caught fully making out at a Kings of Leon concert lol. They got engaged roughly a year later in October 2017, got Vegas-married in May 2019 and then married-married in France in June 2019, and welcomed two baby girls in July 2020 and July 2022 respectively. I’m choosing to stop here bc you said you know the most recent stuff and I don’t want to make myself sad lol 🙃

OKAY WELL that was long as hell and made me feel lowkey pathetic for knowing all this lmao but hopefully it satisfied your thirst for tea, anon. Now to start working on Nick's timeline... 🫡

HOLY SHIT BESTIE

I'm on mobile so I can't actually copy and paste that whole thing so y'all gonna have to deal with it

Rest in RIP to everyone's dashes

And the fact that I did know all of these and just forgot about a few but didn't know timeliness specifically

I guess I did have Joe's dating timeline in my head at some point which is on brand because I've never actually been normal about him

Did he or did he not date Chelsea Kane (Stella on Jonas) because I saw some online speculation about it because they were hanging out a lot - fully can respect them being friends just wanna point out their onscreen chemistry was incredible so I wouldn't be surprised if it flowed into their personal life

Thank you for this run down

If anyone questions me calling Joe a whore ever again I'm gonna send them this post

[flames-memory]

Sunday

I caught up with BC talking to Alurra. I guess we’re trusting them. She says it was a misunderstanding. The 4 women are these angels, and they attacked Raz, and lost. So they submitted to being his slaves. Now they think he’s the bee’s knees. BC says they’re still technically “in bondage” but I gotta say I kinda agree with Alurra – sounds like they agreed to it, signed up for it, and aren’t being abused. Sounds like they are slaves in name only – they have made their agreement with him, and they’re free to go if they like. I won’t argue with BC’s feelings on it. I was stupid enough to sign on with Kass.. a complete stranger. I just.. went with the first person to tell me what to do.. like, what is WRONG with me. Too fresh out of the lab, probably. Still WAY too used to just obeying, god I got on my knees for her so fast, even SHE remarked on it. Fucking pathetic, myself, there. I was alone, after the labs, and lonely. Kass seemed nice, at least. Fuck me. We talked a little about Kass, the photos, and her desire to... Er... Breed me. Just.. no. No. no. no. omg no. Fucking no. I can't even begin to explain how much no.

Anyway, we’re leaving Raz be.

Feels like another dodged bullet. I remember meeting him that first day with Kass, and feeling like he was.. slimy? There was something icky about the way he talked about his women. He clearly snubbed me, but I figured that was to be expected. I was literally the lowest slave in the place, barely more than garbage.. or at least, I thought that was how they all viewed me. I guess it was even worse – I just wasn’t interesting enough for anyone to talk to. I talked to him later, and he gave me the I’m-not-a-predator-no-matter-what-you-hear speech. I will say, he’s been civil to me since. I’m just glad I didn’t get involved in any of his drama.

We went later, to the fallout party at Stormcage. It was.. fallout-y. The music was, of course, awesome. The trivia was.. eff that, it sucked. The clues were weird and confusing, for the most part, and I got flustered too easily to answer. Hey, first time, I’ll do better next time, heh. I knew answers, but I couldn’t get them out of my mouth. That was one of the few games I got access to during at the labs. I didn’t get to play a lot, but it was so fun. I love Dogmeat. Wish I had room in my life for a pet. Maybe if I ever get my OWN place… heh.. I admitted to Max this weekend that that wasn’t my apartment. I have to – owner’s coming back, so I gotta get my ass OUT. Find a new place.

Managed to squeeze a little fun work in there, did a few jobs with Max. We make such an amazing team! He kept saying he’s not a tank… like.. neither am I, I’m a squishy freak, are you kidding?? But he did so good, and we only got hit REAL hard once.. okay, twice for me, but once for Max. I wonder what it would be like with BC along.. I haven’t gotten to see her like that, I don’t think. Maybe before she saved me, I don’t remember. I feel like I don’t remember a lot from them.. I was in such a dark cloud. Not anymore. And I’m going to make sure I don’t forget anything important. I need to keep up on this journal.

I like knowing my Mistress can read it. She can help me keep things straight, not leave anything important out. Got to stay on top of it. I don’t know why this feels so important to me. Might be the first memories that ever mattered to me so much. Maybe it’s Emma. She scares me a little. So happy and nice… but she’s kinda like me. I think the scientists in her lab didn’t do any creepy fuckery on her.. but how would she know? She’s got no freaking memories. How does she just.. go on, like oh, well. She said it’s all boring dead ends, she’s an orphan and shit, but.. who told you that? I don’t know if I could be as chill about it as she is. Maybe it’s a front. I may not like my memories, a lot of them are kind of grey and vague nowadays, details forgotten I don’t want to remember. I’m not losing these memories. I mean.. it’s not like I ever think I will forget BC’s face, her green eyes, her beautiful pale hair, her strong presence, so protective and powerful.. I’ll never forget any of that.

But I might forget how often she tells me she loves me. I might forget how much she’s a magnet, and I’m full of iron filings, constantly drawn to her, to touch her. There’s a sexy side to it, no question, god, just kissing her makes me wanna rip off my clothes and beg her for more… and I never want to forget sitting her on the couch, making her sit still for a moment, so I could kiss her. Show her how much I want to touch her.. I never want her to doubt it. I feel hesitant, afraid, making dominant gestures like that, being in control more than being passive, but I wanted to kiss every part of her, I wanted her to stay still and let me kiss parts of her I.. was afraid to go near really. But her… well.. no need to get too crazy here.. it was amazing. The real point is I don’t want to forget all the things that shaped our relationship. The mistakes, so I don’t repeat them. The successes, so I can relive them. The moments in between, because that’s our life.

Max.. it’s not the same. I want to kiss and snuggle him.. probably a lot more, too.. although I don’t want to rush it. Not only is it somehow different because he’s a man, but also because it’s.. so normal. He didn’t rescue me from possible destruction, or save me from an abuser or anything dramatic like that. He found me at a party, and said hi. BC is my all-consuming tempest, my blinding love. Max is that cool, calm lake, serenity and peace. My ice and fire right there. My Mistress of Flame, and my Icy Boy Toy.. god.. I’ve been trying not to call him that. He’s more important to me than that. Just because it’s not a wild and crazy kind of love doesn’t make it less. I’m grateful for it. Just because a love is wild and crazy doesn’t make it any lesser, either. BC is not a mild mannered lady, loving her is never going to be boring. I hope I’m enough to keep both of them happy. At least BC has Eliza, too. Makes me happy to know that.

Texted BC.. sounds like she had a good night. Some partying.. then helping out the LTs, and finally.. helping drunk girls (Melody? I have probably seen them around) not get hurt in the D. She mentioned helping Felicia, too. I don’t know these people well.. I am still getting to know all these other players out here. Such a giant sign of how crap the Black Holes were. How was here this entire time, longer than BC has been! And I feel like I don’t know ANYONE. I’m glad she has so many people around who care about her. Didn’t stop Friday’s fiasco, but they helped her, and again – I trust BC.. so I’ll trust them.

[chillonxixa]

March 23, 2023

Ok rewrite, because I wrote the previous when I was sad as fuck

I don't know what's going to happen with my future and when all that happened it was really disappointing and difficult to deal with because the drama from my program felt it was never going to stop following me.

The healthiest way I've found to deal with my problems is to take time to myself to process and feel it all out. I'll go out sometimes to distract myself, I hang out with people I feel less self-conscious of showing my bad mood to.

The space I take for myself can turn into isolation where I'm stuck in a negative thought loop and not thinking of others. I talk to my mom the most and I still barely speak to her.

Even if I need that time to myself, whether you're my friend or we're together, especially if we're together, it's important to me that you feel secure with me.

I know it's difficult to ask for reassurance because we both know how fucking annoying it is to be on the consistently giving side of it. But maybe we could both work on that.

As for feeling like there isn't a desire to get closer

I felt some kind of way that time we had our first check in conversation at the park. You brought up that you were thinking about it but left it open ended for me. And it felt like you wanted me to take the lead on that conversation to feel me out, which put me in a weird mood. It seemed abrupt and we were close to my house too. I felt like I was talking about how much I value us, and how I felt secure because it felt like we were being intentional and careful with each other and own own feelings at the time.

And when it came your turn to talk, it felt like a jumble of how "sex muddies things up" and you kind of retold the timeline of our dates without reciprocating the same honesty of where you were at.

It felt odd and I thought I should probably reassess and ground myself.

I don't know if I'll ever be someone that'll be able to think of things on the spot, like I can, but I need time to develop my thoughts bc then I just talk too much and it's super unproductive.

I've been feeling like our dates are an errand you're squeezing in, and you've cleared it up how you see plans, but it pushed me to think we were leaning towards something platonic.

In the beginning I didn't care about when or what we did physically, because I know I can handle myself, but I'm starting to see the value in feeling things out before jumping into any of that. So if I pulled back on those things too, that's why.

I've been thinking about if communication should be a natural thing or not. Of course people have to work on their communication skills throughout their lives, but I'd like to know what you think.

What we want

I think we both have a good grasp at what the other person doesn't want out of a partner, but we don't really talk about what we want. And if we do, it feels super vague and it's agreeable so never feels like I'm closer to seeing if we're on the same page.

Maybe we don't know what we want yet and that's okay, we said we were going to feel each other out.

I didn't want to press for something that felt one sided though, which it did for a long time. It sucked but I still meant and still do mean it when I say I want to be in your life at any capacity, even if that's a friend, because I value you.

I still don't know what you mean by "needing too much reassurance"

I definitely don't need anyone. But the person you're with is supposed to feel safe. I don't get the consistency I'm looking for by the frequency of times we see each other or talk. But it's how we spend that time

This is important to me because I want to be with someone as ambitious as me. I understand that there's going to be gaps where we don't see each other, but I think we're only as secure as how valuable we treat the time we do give each other.

CONTINUE TOMORROW

[llycaons]

jc is so. I’ve been in online fan spaces for 12 years and counting and I’ve never seen fans react to any character as divisively as they do to jc. just the most wild readings from both sides, people making an identity out of hating him or of claiming he never did anything wrong, THE most lengthy and bitter arguments I’ve ever seen on here, accusations of abuse apologism and of cultural illiteracy, interpretations on both sides that make literally zero sense, contradict canon, and are based on nothing but wishful thinking and an active imagination, overbearingly smug text posts implying the reader is deeply stupid for daring to disagree with the op ...something was in the water because when they made him because he REALLY makes people feel some kind of way

[sailorhyunjinz]

Do you write yandere? If so, can I request skz yandere headcanons on how they would react when S/O rejects them because she doesn't wanna deal with whole drama that would come with dating an idol?

i mean kinda?? i have a seungmin yandere fic in my drafts sooo BUT YEAH

oh also, requests are not open but im just gonna do this one cause headcanons are kinda fun BUT REQUESTS ARE CLOSED <33

also why is the felix one so short-

Warnings; yandere!skz, rejection, k-dnapping, slight gaslightning or like manipulation, restraints, threats, aggression, mentions of masturbation, stockholm syndrome

Chan

nobody rejects him. nobody.

you two were friends from school and you were sooo happy when chan made it as an idol, finally persuing the dream he had been yapping on about for years. 

but in the midst of that he realized that he had feelings for you, he missed you all the time, just wanting to hang out with you and maybe explore the things he had on his mind. so,, he decided to confess when you guys were at a cafe.

“look y/n,,, there’s something I wanna tell you” he started to which you tilted your head

“nooo,,, are you guys going on a tour again,,, i wil miss you sooo much channie” you said with a pout but the boy shook his head.

“i like you y/n” 

your mouth stood agape, this was not what you expected and truthfully,,, not what you wanted. 

“chan,,, y-you know thats not possible” you said with a frown, looking at him straight ahead.

“of course it is,,, why wouldn’t it be? w-what are you trying to say y/n?!” his voice started growing louder, you looking around in order to see that people werent turning their heads towards your table. 

Minho

you have made a big big mistake my friend- 

wont even hesitate to keep you hostage in his basement LIKE IM NOT JOKING-

might just tie you up and like,,, not even do anything to you, just talk to you and admire you, maybe tracing your facial features and cuddle closer on the cold floor

just wants to keep you as a pet or smth and you are scared out of your mind cause you cant move cause of the restraints, you cant speak because you have silvertape across your lips that he only removes to feed you but if you start screaming you wont get any so you deicde to just stay calm and quiet before someone saves you and play along. 

i mean you do,,, kinda fall for him but you know you cant,, but you cant help but to fall for him and miss him whenever he’s out on schedule things

he always returns to you and you get so happy when you see the little crevice of light from outside when he opened the basement door

whenever he lies next to you, you put your head against his shoulder and take in his scent the best you can

he told you everyday that he would let you go if you agreed to date him but you shook your head,, maybe cause you liked being his prey. 

Changbin

he’s more of the threatening type of yandere,,, like,, not that he’s violent but if you try to block his number he will create new ones and keep on sending you messages about how you have betrayed him and how he wished that you loved him back and all that,,,,

you guys often meet because you go to the same college and are students in the same department sooo,,,, avoiding him is pretty impossible 

he stares a lot at you,,, you guys have a couple of classes together and he just stares the entire time, his eyes are just filled with revenge, he somehow wants you make you his, own you but he doesnt know how yet, for now he can just look.

watch this fucking message conversation just be this;

[why did you talk to him during class?]

[you could have just asked me]

[nobody loves you like i do. no one y/n]

you are never getting rid of him basically,,

he’s gonna get to you first ;))

Hyunjin

i feel like he goes more to the stalking route than the kidnapping and drugging and whatnot- 

ok,,, you rejected him,,, but that doesnt mean you’re getting rid of him.

ohmygod what if he turns into a peeping tom- cause he obviously knows where you live. 

like yall were not even that close?? he just saw you backstage at one of the concerts and thought you looked good so he decided to go up to, you werent an idol so no problem he thought.

but he gets a bit too,, hasty with his decisions and often falls for people randomly and so when he politely greeted you and gave you his number you simply shook your head, explaining that this wouldn’t be possible since you worked in the same industry and you needed to stay clear out of any scandals in order to keep your job. 

no was not answer in Hyunjins mind. 

luckily he managed to catch your full name by flickering through some papers in an office and also saw your full adress there, knowing exactly what he was going to do on his free time. 

Jisung

if im being completely honest,,, i have no idea-

like,,, he gives me kinda pervy yandere vibes,,,

what if youre like his ex before he became an idol and now he wants to get back together with you-

oh,,, he masturbates to your pictures-

i feel like he always thinks about you, wondering what you like and wants to write songs about you but he doesnt do much-

but when he finds out that you have been hired by the same company as him to work as a like,,, economics accountant thingy he is all of a sudden vEEERY interested-

always asking the manager of when the group will have meetings with the accounting team,,, although they had nothing to do with them-

he just wanted to be in a conference room with you (and think pervy things about you in your tight office skirt and white blouse)

you went to the toilet on day and you saw him lurking around the same floor,,, WHICH ONCE AGAIN WAS NOT CONNECTED TO THE GROUP AT ALL- 

and idk,,, probably sneaks in with you and locks the door before you even react that theres someone else in the toilet- 

i feel like he’s pretty mild,,, but when he’s alone with you he is aggressive broooo

probably pins you to the wall and threatens you or smth along those lines,,,,,

(writing this is what my life has become to-)

Felix

“what do you think you’re doing?”

you turn around again, you had just thought of just leaving with a vague answer to his question but he was not having it. 

“answer.” 

his words sounded cold, his dark voice making an entrace, the exact one you’ve heard on many of the songs you listened to.

“felix,,, you have to understand,,, u-um,, if we date theres gonna be some issues” you said but he just stared at you with cocky eyebrows and a dark gaze, running his tongue on the inside of his cheek.

“do you think i care? would i ask you if i cared?” he said to which you shook your head automatically, what more could you do?

“you get until tomorrow to think and if i don’t get the answer i want well,,, we’ll see what i’ll do to you.”

Seungmin

he plots shit behind your back yk?

he’s more of the sneaky type of yanderes (oop spoiler to a fic heh)

like he makes this like fucking year long plan where the objective of the mission is to make you obssessed with him-

he starts kinda subtely,,, first its going to the same gym as you and like,,, knowing where you placed your stuff

and then he starts putting small notes like under your waterbottle when you went to grab something that say like “i think youre cute, call me” and then his number

you obviously dont react,,, because why the fuck would you contact a stranger at the gym 

BUT THEN you realize that its him, its mf kim seungmin. yo,,,, u didnt know he went to this gym,,, that was not,,, the best-

of course you got a bit interested,,, you wanted to know how he was off camera,,, like just in his everyday life and i meeean,,, he was attractive but obviously you should stay away bc,,, he’s a celebrity but seungmin didnt want to stay away

he notes somehow started to get more aggressive,,, suddenly being like “why are you ignoring me?” and such,,,

and one night you were left alone in the gym with him,,, it was sooo quiet, only the sounds of your strained breaths as you lifted a dumbell

here where the plan came to play ;))

Jeongin

he’s obsessed with you and you are not going anywhere, even if you rejected him. 

he’s more clingy?? LIKE HE WILL NOT LEAVE YOU

ok sure,, he falls more into the stalking category too,,, 

also veeeery much a obssessed kinda yandere,,, like his mind is not thinking about how to like capture you,,, more about how to make you soooo comfortable and fool you into loving him despite the circumstances?

i just imagine that you work in a cafe and jeongin often meets you there when he buys coffee and you are already in awe when you see fucking yang jeongin enter the coffee shop on your shift but you were even more excited when he leaves his phone number on a napkin and slides it over the counter before leaving. 

you thought about it,,, contemplating multiple times but,,, you decided it would be best not to since well,,, safety purposes 

but he would visit you and every day his face got more and more perplexed cause he wondered why you didnt call

mf would not leave you alone, he would even wait outside the coffee shop until you finished your shift and walk you home,,, so now he knew where you lived- 

and then do the same thing over and over again until you talked to him.

does. not. give. up. 

[convenientalias]

I Rate Cdramas by Whump: Part 2

Two years ago now I made a post rating every cdrama I'd watched at the time by quality of whump. I feel I've watched enough cdramas since then that it is now time for a sequel.

(Note: If you like kdramas, I made two posts rating those by whump as well, for your reference.)

Some notes before I begin:

Yes this is entirely objective. What do you mean??

If the ratings seem a little high, it might be because whump is one of the things that convinces me to watch a show to begin with.

There will be spoilers, but vague spoilers.

I'm only listing shows I've completed and remember well enough to rate.

THE RATINGS.

Addicted Heroin--8/10. This is a gay school romance between surprise stepsiblings, it's not really meant to be whumpy. Despite this, it has some drunk and angsty scenes, some sick scenes, and even a kidnapping!! I would give it a 10/10 purely for going the distance it Did Not Need to Go (although the source material is even whumpier, but that's another story) but I feel I should be honest and say it is primarily a show of comedy, not over the top whump. The whump is definitely there though.

City of Streamer--I'd probably be more into the whump here if I was more into lady whump, as a lot of bad things happen to female characters, both physically and emotionally. Men go through distress but it's usually not as physical as I'd like. Since I'm very picky about lady whump and this show mostly doesn't hit the spot for me, I'll give it a 3/10.

Granting You a Dreamlike Life--10/10, Luo Fusheng's life sucks. People in this show get beat up, threatened with guns, stabbed, arrested, kidnapped, chased by wolves, trapped by an avalanche, literally shot.... "People" here mostly meaning Luo Fusheng but Tianying and some others get a good share of whump as well. Granting You a Dreamlike Life is living the dream.

Joy of Life--I really wanted to see Fan Xian get whumped but by halfway through the show I had to accept that it was more of a power fantasy type drama about Fan Xian being Clever and Competent. If you ever see me complaining about Joy of Life, know that this is a solid part of my sour grapes. 3/10, credit given to the Teng Zjing arc and the couple times Fan Xian gets captured or arrested.

Rattan--9/10. This show has two endings and I swear they did that specifically to deliver two different brands of whump/angst. But more importantly, they put poor Qin Fang through the fucking wringer! In the first fucking episode he gets drugged, arguably kidnapped, and almost dies in a car crash. Then the rest of the show he suffers from a curse, gets kidnapped, gets hurt so bad he falls into a coma.... They really do not go easy on this poor boy. Honorable mention to Si Teng's tragic backstory and Qin Fang's business partner also getting abducted that one time.

Reset--Ehhh the leads are going through it but they're mostly just getting tired. They do get arrested/interrogated a good deal, and die a whole lot. But I'd call this a suspenseful show, not a whumpy one. 2/10, rare nonwhumpy fave for me.

Sword Dynasty--I must begrudgingly admit they whumped the prince in this show pretty good, and they whumped the MC a lot too, I just hated him. This show is bad but I will admit it is moderately whumpy. A very begrudging 5/10.

Under the Skin--Level of whump maybe a bit higher than average for a crime procedural. Police officers being menaced is pretty standard, especially when one is an ~artistic genius~. Shen Yi sure does drown a lot, though, and the flashback revealing his reaction to Lei Yi Fei's death is really angsty. I'd give it a 6/10 bc my standards for thrillers are higher than my standards, for example, for a school drama like Addicted Heroin.

Weaving a Tale of Love--I said my taste in lady whump was picky and guess what, a cheerful crossdressing female lead getting whumped is in fact my taste. I loved seeing bad things happen to Liuli/Xiao Douzi! I would have been up for seeing her get drugged or imprisoned some more!! 7/10 bc while the whump is good when it's there, the majority of the show is cheerful, shippy, or plotty, and not really all that whumpy.

Winter Begonia--Whump is not what I go to Winter Begonia for. I go to it for the slice of life vibes, the slashiness, and the Chinese opera. But, as whump goes, it's actually quite strong. There are opera performers losing their voice, losing their ability to walk, losing their reputations, some even losing their lives. And then there's Cheng Fengtai, friendly and kind of shady businessman who has his own shit going on--most notably he goes into a coma at one point and also is once kidnapped by bandits. Honestly 8/10, I don't think of it as whumpy when looking back on it but objectively there is a lot.

Word of Honor--People are slowly dying with nails in their chest. People are mourning their lost loved ones and falling apart. And sometimes getting beaten up or captured in the present as well. 9/10, I could go higher but I always get a sense of restraint from this show. Even if the leads are pushed to the breaking point, it's not quite as gleeful about it as some others on this list; there's generally a sense of "fuck it, I've been through worse, I'm used to this", which doesn't quite push my buttons but may appeal a lot to other tastes. I could be convinced to give it a 10 though? Mixed feelings.

Xiang Long--The urge is to give this a 1000/10 but I'm a principled rater and cannot break my rating system! and yet! this show breaks my brain!! every day I have to get up and remember that Long Xiang shot his own subordinate in the head in an attempt to convince Bai Lusheng to quite a hunger strike and then proceeded to get mad at him for being passive aggressive while eating!!!! every day I go on living in this world. Fuck. He threw the dude's gun down a well, damn it! I will someday find a way to transmigrate into the world of Xiang Long and murder Long Xiang, but anyways: kidnapping, Stockholm Syndrome and an abundance of Lima Syndrome, torture, people getting shot and whipped and blown up etc etc etc..... 10/10 bc I'm a principled person and will adhere to my rating system. If you watched this show for a reason other than whump, I'm not sure whether to fear or admire you, but you're stronger than me.

Some final notes:

I said in my last cdrama-whump-rating post that whump and serious drama do not correlate, but I've begun to think whump even flourishes MORE in a less serious/more over the top or tropey show. Xiang Long and Granting You a Dreamlike Life are great examples of this, as they both put melodrama over realism. Rattan and Addicted Heroin have a mostly light tone but can include some extreme whump without a tonal clash bc they aren't super serious about their whump either. In contrast, Reset and City of Streamer generally have a more grounded and suspenseful tone, and their whump level is low--even if people get hurt, it's rarely focused on. Meanwhile, Winter Begonia lies in a weird intersection of melodrama and tragic melancholy, and I think it's because it's whump tends to play more to the serious side of the show that in my head I'm always thinking of it more as angsty, less as whumpy. But maybe this is all due to how I classify whump rather than the inherent characteristics of whump in general. I'd be happy to hear anyone's thoughts!

[realcube]

trying to be nice to their crush hcs

navi | masterlist | taglist

thank you to 🍦anon for this cute request!

characters: tsukishima, kyōtani, sakusa & suna

content warning: swearing & sexual references 

kei tsukishima 

♡ this is all yamaguchi’s fault （︶^︶）

♡ he found out tsukki had a crush on you bc he mentioned you a lot in conversation so yamaguchi interrogated him for answers then lo and behold, the beanpole had a lil thing for you 

♡ you sit in front of tsukishima in homeroom while yamaguchi sits beside him so when you leaned back and asked him if you could borrow a pencil and he spat back a snarky remark about you being too irresponsible to care for your own pencils, yamaguchi hastily offered you one of his own before scolding tsukishima 

♡ he explained to his clueless friend that being nasty to people isn’t a good way to get them to like you 

♡ so perhaps he should be nicer :)

♡ honestly, tsukishima would’ve just looked yamaguchi straight in the eyes and went ‘no’, if it wasn’t for the fact you shot tadashi the sweetest smile anD PLAYFULLY BLEW HIM A KISS AFTER HE JUST GAVE YOU A DAMN PENCIL LIKE WTF 

♡ after that, he decided to give up his current personality and pick up a new one 

♡ jk jk 

♡ but he had to binge a whole bunch of those youtube psychology videos that are like ‘psychological tricks to make people like you’ and ‘THESE 5 MIND TRICKS WILL MAKE YOU THE MOST POPULAR PERSON *EVER*’!!

♡ spoiler alert: he wasn’t the most popular person but perhaps that was bc he only went to the effort of using those tricks on you 

♡ god bless him; he tries hard, he really does. (not his best, just hard)

♡ but you don’t have to be extremely observant to realise that he’s began acting different around you and of course, it confused you seeing tsukishima being nice

♡ what irritated you was how dismissive he was being of your questions though, as he was clearly trying to lead you to believe that you were crazy and he’s just always been a nice guy 

♡ but as soon as he figures out that he angered you, he’ll instantly switch back to him normal self - draining his mind of the hours of phycology studying he did last night to just pretend like it never happened 

♡ and if he’s feeling flirty, he might be extra mean to you （￣︶￣）

♡ also he makes a mental note to never take yamaguchi’s romance advice ever again 🙄

♥　♡　♥　♡　♥　♡　♥

you sighed, removing your hand from your bag after desperately rummaging through it in search of a pencil once again - deja vu. once you accepted that a pencil wasn’t going to materialise out of thin air, you peered over your shoulder and tapped the corner of yamaguchi’s desk, who wore a suspicious grin which you decided against questioning. 

“yamaguchi, do you think i could borrow a pencil again? sorry, this is the last time, i swear. i’ll be sure to get some on my way home after school tod--” 

yamaguchi dropped the line him and tsukishima had rehearsed many times beforehand, while clutching his pencilcase dear to his chest, “woah, (y/n). you’re so irresponsible. sorry, i can’t lend one of my pristine pencils to someone who is too forgetful to remember to buy some; what if you forget to return it to me?” 

tsukishima cringed at how forced it sounded but he couldn’t help but admire yamaguchi's dedication to his role. this allowed tsukishima to swoop in, pencil in hand, “here.” that wasn’t in the script but he panicked! okay, now, eye contact. 

you just sat there and stared at both of them with the most dumbfounded look plastered on your face. what just happened?  why were they both acting like they were in drama class?  and why are they both so bad at acting? they’re both passing performing arts for fucks’ sake!

kentarō kyōtani 

♡ sorry but i firmly believe kyōtani is the sorta guy to be extra mean to ppl he fancies smh

♡ the rest of them just act (somewhat) like themselves around their crush but kyōtani is himself2 (himself^2)

♡ like one time yahaba found you trembling in your locker bc you had gotten mud on mad dog’s white shoes so he chased you through the hallways of the school, threatening to trek mud on your forehead 

♡ yahaba took it upon himself to investigate as to why kyōtani was so rude to you and he got his answer as soon as he mentioned your name to mad dog and the boy’s face immediately flushed red 

♡ so after practise, yahaba schools mad dog on how to get chicks (⌐■_■)

♡ in short, his advice was ‘good guys get laid’ and for kyōtani’s understanding, ‘good’ and ‘kind’ were interchangeable 

♡ mad dog wasn’t completely oblivious to how he treated you and he was aware that he was far from ‘kind’

♡ although he usually doesn’t listen to people in general, yahaba seemed to know what he was talking about so he figured there was no harm in trying to be nice 

♡ but ngl, he just spent the rest of the day wondering...what is kind?

♡ after a few messages back and forth with yahaba, he figured that the best place to start was by apologising for - y’know - chasing you around the whole school 

♥　♡　♥　♡　♥　♡　♥

“oi!” kyōtani bellowed through hallway, paying no mind to the students that cast him dirty looks as his sights were locked on you. standing unsuspecting by your locker, stuffing your textbooks into your bag until you heard his deep voice echo through the hall, to which you visibly perked up and began frantically looking around.

he marched towards you, hands in pockets and when you noticed him out of the corner of your eye, you were more than ready to drop all your shit and bolt away. but he didn’t let you as before you were able to take off on your heels, he grabbed your shoulder and spun you around to face him - then he noticed your hands raised in defence by your face and your head hung low.

his heart sank and his grip on your shoulder immediately softened, “i’m not gonna punch you, idiot.” he spat, rolling his eyes and gritting his teeth, trying to appear angry in hopes you’d mistake his light blush for pure rage. 

“i just wanted to say that i felt bad for chasing you through the halls yesterday - you didn’t stand a chance so i guess it was a bit unfair.” he said, frowning as you replied with silence so the duty fell on him to fill it, “and i got the stain out, anyway so.” 

more silence. lovely.

suddenly, he puffed his cheeks out as his eyes snapped to meet yours and he roared, “ARE YOU GONNA FUCKING SAY SOMETHING OR ARE YOU TOO BRAINDE-”

“are you wearing eyeliner?” 

and that was the true story behind why you missed last period, because you and kyōtani had a 30 minute conversation about eyeliner and make-up, then he convinced you to skip the rest of class with him so he could buy you ramen as an apology gift.

so yeah, he figured that perhaps he should try being nice more often.

kiyoomi sakusa

♡ he didn’t need someone to tell him to be nicer, he’s just predisposed to attempt to show kindness to someone he is fond of

♡ in his mind, showing kindness, respect and stripping himself of all his personality = the only way to be desirable 

♡ (ofc this takes place before he meets atsumu tho lol)

♡ so it’s not the realisation that’s the problem for him, it’s the execution 

♡ like how is he supposed to be nice without either sounding creepy or condescending? 

♡ *cut to sakusa practising in the bathroom mirror* ‘your hand looks- no-’ he scoffs, flicking cold water onto his face, ‘your hair looks cool- pretty- nice?’

♡ *camera pans to sakusa laying in bed, staring intently at the ceiling while imagining vivid and scarily detailed scenarios about ways he could mess up while talking to you* 

♡ *camera zooms in on sakusa’s face as he manifests a nicer version of himself*

♡ he might - depending on how insecure he is - watch one of those psychology videos or read a wikihow for help

♡ but other than that, he independently tries to alter his personality in order to gain your favour bc..true love ?

♥　♡　♥　♡　♥　♡　♥

you smiled as a basketball rolled up to your feet during gym class, followed by the sound of someone approaching you and upon raising your gaze, your eyes met sakusa’s unmistakable black ones. his face hovered only a few inches away from yours due to the fact you had both reached down to pick up the ball at the same time.

he quickly pulled himself away, tucking the basketball under his elbow as he adjusted his mask so it properly covered his face to ensure that you didn’t see the light blush slowly spreading across his cheeks. he then proceeded to blurt out what he had been rehearsing for the past few nights, “oh, thank you, (y/n). your hair looks lovely today, by the way.”

you giggled, holding your hands firmly by your side to avoid fidgeting and making it obvious that his sudden comment flustered you, “thanks, sakusa. and, if we’re handing out compliments today, i didn’t know you were good at any sport other than volleyball but you’re doing surprisingly well at basketball.” you joked, your lips slowly curling into a cocky smirk, “though, i don’t think you’d stand a chance against my team.” 

god, you’re such a tease. you make it so hard for him to be nice to you. so, of course, your comment returned his ability to utter almost every sarcastic comment that comes to mind - screw being likeable. “you think so?” he quirked a brow, tossing the ball onto your lap then pacing backwards, “go on, then.”

rintarō suna

♡ it was probably those tips on social media that told him he has to be nicer 

♡ and plus he saw terushima get all the chicks and he was just sitting there like ‘where are my bitches at? 🥺’

♡ anyway, all the guys on social media that had girls lining up outside their door always had one thing in common: misogyny  obnoxious personalities !!

♡ and his whole personality was a sacrifice suna was willing and ready to make for just a crumb of cooch  🤲

♡ though you weren’t exactly his crush yet, suna thought you were the best person to carry out this experiment with bc he heard through the grapevine that you had a crush on him so perhaps this would make you happy

♡ he didn’t prepare much beforehand though which he immediately regretted as soon as he approached you bc admittedly, his game plan of ‘be self-assured but friendly’ was a bit vague 

♡ so he basically just had to bullshit through a whole, awkward conversation with you while wearing a forced ‘bold’ smirk which, in reality, looked as though he had just seen tiddies for the first time 

♡ hardly self-assured or friendly 

♡ also, the fact you thought he was playing a prank on you must’ve drastically altered the results of his experiment 

♡ at one point he says something extremely stupid you’d just quit playing along and just blurt out ‘wtf is wrong with you today’

♡ to which he’d be like ‘ahaha, nuthin much bbg, how bout you?’

♡ THE EXPERIEMNT ISN’T OVER UNTIL HE SAYS IT’S OVER OKAy?!

♥　♡　♥　♡　♥　♡　♥

you rubbed your temples in order to soothe the throbbing headache suna gave you simply by existing. like yes, you had a crush on him 10 minutes ago - but that was before he came up to you and started acting like terushima on dodgy medication. “oh and your skin is glowing bab--”

“jesus christ, rintarō, shut up!” you cried, gripping the edge of your skirt to prevent your self from delivering a swift punch right to his stupid face. he’s seriously gotten on all your nerves at this point; firstly, by spamming your phone in the middle of the night asking for homework answers (accompanied by cursed memes) as he actually managed to wake you up. secondly, by acting so oblivious to the fact you clearly had a crush on him and now, this!

heat rose to his cheeks in embarrassment as his creepy smile instantly fell right back into his resting bitch face, “this isn’t working, is it?” 

“what’s not working?”

suna scoffed, rolling his eyes - his façade having evidently disappeared. “this.” he sighed, looking around as if someone was going to save him before his eyes finally settled on you and he was reminded of what he wanted in the first place, his sparkle was rekindled for just a moment which caused him to blurt out, “just fuck me already, i’m not asking for much.”

[vldkeith]

(i have read the faqs don’t worry!! )

why is it that you don’t like the dirty laundry fanfic? is it just not your type of ff or?

gonna copy and paste my answers from some older posts bc i mostly still agree with what i said then!

from one post i made before:

the whole fanfic was written by a white person, so their intense focus on portraying lance’s family as homophobic is….kind of racist? like just because it’s something that actually happens doesn’t mean white people get a pass to write an entire story centering around it, a story that is honestly just angst porn wrt lance’s family. like. it’s one thing for a hispanic person to write a story like this, but quite another for a white person who has not experienced it to do so, because they’re kind of just working off of stereotypes. i dont think the person who wrote it is racist at ALL but i do think that what they chose to write and how they chose to write it kind of exemplifies the racist dynamic of america & how many white liberals view hispanic people as hopelessly conservative wrt things like homosexuality. it’s really not their place to comment on it. there are also hispanic people who agree that it is racist, so it’s not like im going against the grain here. 

and from another, earlier post:

 i read this like….back in 2017 when it was still semi-new (and was there to see it replaced with the bee movie script after it got so much flack, and then when it was deleted altogether) and i have to say…as literally the FIRST klance fanfic i read (i always sort by hits/kudos) it was such a BAD INTRO TO THE KLANCE DYNAMIC!! like! god ok i don’t remember it being written that horribly but the plot points were just WHACK like. kenzie mentioned yesterday the like car fight thing?!?! what the hell was that??? and lance’s family being homophobic?? lance not rly accepting keith’s “love letter” (writing the words “keith’s love letter” was painful bc keith would never DO THAT) but then trying to make up for it by like…serenading him in a mcdonalds or smth?! idk if im remembering right and tbh the most i remember from the fic was like, the roadtrip and even THAT i don’t remember a lot bc it was kind of boring and bad characterization but tbh it was just so overhyped. ppl were like “wow this is the klance fanfic this is what the fandom is founded upon” and i just don’t see it and even back then i don’t think i saw it, though i acted like i did bc i was 17 and just wanted to fit in. again it was also one of my first experiences with klance so i didnt rly have a strong frame of reference yet but man….idkidk i dont think it deserved the intense hate it got but the vaguely racist(?) (stereotypical might be a better word? racist seems a bit intense but i cant think of another word rn) undertones of how lance’s hispanic family was portrayed definitely rubs me the wrong way thinking back on it now and i just dont think the author was equipped to handle such widespread popularity given that. 

i think i was actually too easy on it with this answer ^ from 2020 lmao.

it just plays into soooo many racist stereotypes about hispanic families/people and about the "drama" of gay male relationships (they get out of the car just to physically fight each other at one point like i mentioned up there) and if that wasn't enough to convince people it's just not a good fanfiction, the characterization of both keith and lance is very Off imo again as i outlined above. overall just a product of early klance fandom that is best left in the dark shadows of history, only to be resurrected as a demonstration of what you probably should not do when youre writing a mlm relationship between poc

[gwyns]

I'm surprised I haven't seen anyone draw parallels between Feyre leaving Tamlin for her Mate to Elain leaving Azriel for her Mate. (Ignoring the fact I hate Rhysand, the books obviously want me to think he's the best person ever so I'll just pretend). Because that's what I see happening.

Elain and Azriel are so clearly rebounds for one another. Elain's still grieving her human love and life, and Azriel is still hung up on Mor. They're both quiet and available, so they jump to each other. That's it. The Azriel POV was purely about what he wants. How he wants to fuck her and taste her. He's just sex to her.

Even if E/riels had a more convincing case, it's not like SJM hasn't pulled a SIKE on us before. If she goes anywhere with E/riel, she'll undoubtedly pull it back. SJM doesn't take Mating bonds lightly, and she's stated that she loves Lucien. And if anyone deserves the happiness of a bond, it's him.

Feyre and Rhys, and Cassian and Nesta, all had relationships/lovers before Mating. Elain "liking" Az now, (which we're not even clear on), doesn't really mean much.

I'd like to hear your thoughts! You're so good at this, and you always explain my thoughts so perfectly. Love and light 💕💕💕

honestly there are quite a few feysand/elucien parallels that people either don't see or choose to ignore.

rhysand was first presented as a villain to feyre, the same could be applied to lucien just bc of his envolvement with tamlin (that he wrongfully gets blamed for btw idk why e/riels love blaming tamlin's mistakes on lucien). feyre was engaged before she went to rhys, elain was engaged before she met lucien. both were/are? still hung up on their former fiances. feysand as a couple represents the night, elucien would represent (at least in part) day. it's literally night and day with them. they're similar but also wholly their own pairing, it's fascinating to me.

anyway i think i will use this ask to spill some of my e/riel opinions sorry about that! alright let's start off with this controversial statement: i don't think e/riel was ever meant to be endgame.

i've seen it said a few times over the years that sarah changed her mind about elucien and while that's possible bc she also previously changed her mind on lucien and nesta one has to ask themselves..... if she wanted to write a mate bond rejection why didn't she stick with her original plan of lucien and nesta being mates? she's said herself that they wouldn't work but she chose to change lucien's mate to someone who compliments him better, and it's to feyre's other sister no less. that tells me lucien is important and powerful, he's mated to one of the sisters, one of the key players of the entire series.

another point is we can assume (and we could be wrong, let me put this here before someone yells at me or vague blogs about it) that sjm had an elucien endgame in mind when writing acowar, right? and when she was touring for that book hadn't she already started work on acofas? and we know that she's never on social media, so if she had an elucien endgame in mind when she wrote all of the supposed e/riel "evidence" where does that leave us?

drama. tension. conflict. angst.

i think that's what it all comes down to. people will say that elucien was a front while e/riel is the true endgame but... it all seems a bit easy, doesn't it? e/riel is right in your face while elucien is silently brewing in the background. what if the bait and switch isn't elucien, but e/riel?

sarah has shown us before that she likes to use her characters as ways for her other characters to end up with their endgame matches. for example, without tamlin, feyre wouldn't have met rhys. and moving over to throne of glass for a second, if not for chaol, aelin wouldn't have met rowan. and in turn, if aelin hadn't given yrene the money she needed in tab, chaol wouldn't have met her.

are the e/riel scenes romantically coded? yes, probably. i'm not saying they aren't, some people picked up on it but i personally didn't get that vibe myself, especially in acowar, but acofas kinda blurred the lines a bit. but even then, i didn't think they'd work out and i still don't understand the arguments that are supposed to be in their favor from that book. elain says she doesn't want a male so that excludes lucien but not azriel somehow? that line means she doesn't want any fae, she wants a human man, she wants graysen. then we have lucien saying he can't even stand to be in the same room as elain which i never read as a "oh i hate this person" kinda way. no, it's bc the whole situation between them is awkward and it obviously makes both of them uncomfortable. it doesn't help when literally all of the inner circle is constantly around them, and being in the night court in general doesn't give them the privacy to get to know each other.

some people like to ask why build e/riel up at all if they're not going to be together? one thing i've always loved about sjm's books is how she can write relationships. now, let's say you meet someone irl and you like them, eventually maybe fall in love with them, and fail to notice how they're not good for you. maybe everyone around you can see it, but you don't. you want a relationship and you're in a decent one, it should work out. like they're not a bad person, this relationship just isn't right for you in the long run. why waste your time? it's life. sometimes things are good for you at a certain point in time but not later on. sometimes you just end up in a relationship that was never good for you. sometimes you fall out of love with someone. you're constantly learning and adapting to things and that's my stance on e/riel. i think they're both looking for companionship and they're the "safest" and most available option.

taking it back to acofas, azriel was relived to not have to get elain a gift and was still gazing longingly at mor. now in acosf he's avoiding talking about her while wanting to fuck elain and getting defensive when helion mentions mor. he's not over her. he's not going to just completely forget 500 years of pining bc elain showed up, especially when they haven't even helped one another to move on. if they had, we would have seen the proof of that. not just "oh she's hot we both want sex", that doesn't make a healthy relationship.

as for elain, she's been taught she has to act a certain way her entire life. she has to downplay her trauma and emotions to appease others so they don't worry about her. maybe she's even had visions involving lucien that upset/scare her somehow and she's reaching out for something else. i think they're both lonely and desperate (at least on az's end) for someone that they ultimately are drawn to the wrong people.

as for the lack of elucien development... this is how i see it. if they're endgame, why would sarah have all of their big moments happen off screen or as a throwaway line in acosf? elain is getting a book, we know this, and with how much of the story is tied to lucien and how much is left unresolved with him, we can also assume he'd get a pov at some point. so imo it makes sense for the fact we got little to no development for them in acosf. no, she wants a huge wedge between them so we can watch them come together. the payoff will be that much sweeter. kinda similar to how she put a wedge between nessian before acosf, sure they had more development in acowar than elucien but i think that's bc sarah knew they'd get the first spinoff. she had to give them that development whereas elucien can wait, a bit longer. it's frustrating yes but i do think we'll get something in acotar 5.

maybe i'm an optimistic fool, maybe sarah did at one point have an endgame in mind for them, but i find it hard to believe she wouldn't see how wrong they are for each other in the long run. she's very good at showing us how well characters fit together with just a few lines.

[bookofmirth]

Hi

I'm not up to date with all the drama in this fandom bc i tend to scroll past it. But being a reader of the books before I landed in these fandoms, I'm utterly shocked about how people treat eachother.

I'm very neutral on this stupid ship war going on. I tend to fall more for Elriel. But I understand everyone's opinion. I used to read all the book analysis, but now it just seems so exhausting. I get that people love books and ship different people. That's normal, everyone has different taste etc i'm just here trying to understand why we need to bring other human beings down in order to push our own narrative.

Since when is it okay to do that???? Can't we have a normal conversation without sending death treats?

I normally don't really respond to anything that involves drama. But these last couples of months have gotten me to dislike the books more and more solely because of these, may I call them blandly, horrible people.

And i'm very sad to have to admit that i'm also getting sick of the art of the multiple ships. Which that's horrible because I love what all these amazing artists create. But the hate they receive and the comments just make me hate it all more,this whole fandom with all these toxic people ruining it for me personally.

Can't we all just agree that we like these books, and respect eachother as human beings, no matter what everyone else thinks? And maybe wait and see what the author writes? In the end it are still her books and she will have the final say in everything.

I wish SJM would release the next book sooner so all this hate would stop, then again i don't know if it will stop. They will likely continue and probably bother SJM too...

Thank you for listening to me ranting, you always seem very nice to people with different opinions, so I thought i might as well rant a bit too.

Have a lovely day!!

Hello! Thank you for this message! I think it's really helpful for people to see because they can see the impact of the things they are doing and saying in the fandom. There are a lot of people who feel comfortable being vocal in the fandom, but I gotta say, if I were just joining now, I'm not sure that would be me. I wonder how many people walk in, take a look around, and walk the fuck back out. I probably would.

I got on my soap box a little bit because I was thinking about some of the things you've said!

I was just talking with some friends, some of whom I've been in the fandom with since 2017, some who are newer. And we all 1000% agree with you. It's so, so frustrating that the fandom has gotten so nasty to the point where we've become so separated from each other that we can't have a single civil conversation. Where people of color don't feel safe, and where a lot of the fandom doesn't even seem to care about that.

When I first joined the fandom, there were definitely people who shipped one way and people who shipped another, but we were still able to have conversations with each other. There would be these really, really long posts that were chains of people commenting on posts and reblogging, then someone adding on their thoughts, then op would respond, etc. Yeah, the posts were super long to scroll through, but there was so much engagement, ya know? And it was genuine, too. We could disagree or say "hey OP I like this point, but have you thought of X?" And it was great! (I even have a tag for it, #long post tag, because I once got an anon who was annoyed at how long my conversations with people would be 💀so I made that tag for people who wanted to block those posts.)

I'm not going to pretend it was perfect - there were definitely people I didn't get along with. But that wasn't a fandom thing, that was just a personality thing. And I never in a million years expected those people to fly off the handle and start attacking me anon, or to ss my posts to make fun of elsewhere. Now, that's a constant fear hanging over everyone's heads.

It has created an extreme echo chamber. I would genuinely like having those old fandom discussions where people would comment - in the open, on reblogs - and then we could all engage in that discussion in public. Now, all of that discussion happens in private, in groupchats and Discord. And don't get me wrong, Discord is super fun. But it also means that 1) people who aren't in those groups have no idea wtf is going on when we vague, although I try not to do that anyway, and 2) when people are in those groups they egg each other on to be worse and worse. Worse than they would have been if they were on their own and didn't feel like they had a group of people there to support their asshole behavior. tbh, I have to check myself sometimes and think, "would I do this if I hadn't just gotten into a rant conversation with friends on Discord?"

And what you said about fan art, it's so frustrating!!! Since when did fan art become a battle ground??? Since when did the appearance of fan art = a win for one ship or the other?? Why can't the comments of those arts ever just be nice and appreciative of the work someone has put into it? Honestly, it makes me paranoid to write fanfic, too! I mean, is that next???

I totally agree with you that we should be able to respect each other as people. We used to be able to do that. I hate to admit it, but I have so many people blocked now because I just don't trust them. I don't trust them to be civil, I don't trust them to be able to see my posts, I don't trust them to even read what I've written without misconstruing everything I've said.

I'm not sure if people realize that there is a big difference between this:

I don't like X ship

And this:

People who like X ship are delusional

The first one is okay! It's normal! Like you said, we all have feelings and interpretations and stuff we would prefer to see or not see!

The second one, not okay! Stop insulting people, people!!!!

The idea of engaging in a normal, healthy debate with a huge portion of the fandom is such a foreign concept to me at this point, and it never used to be. There could be a lot of reasons for this. And I always try to avoid pointing fingers because I know that not everyone is like that, though I'm sure I have slipped into that from time to time.

I think it would help if we stop seeing each other as a gwynriel or an elucien or an elriel, and start seeing each other as individuals. When acosf first came out, I started noticing a trend where people would send me asks and write them as if they were writing to every single person who ships elucien, or as if they were writing to every single person who holds a certain opinion about Azriel. It was really confusing at first, and I'm gonna request that the fandom stop doing that altogether, to everyone. If you want to engage with someone, engage with that person, not your idea of who they are and what they think.

I'm down for conversations where we talk about the series and what might come next as possibilities, because that's all this is, so far. Anyone who says that "X thing will never happen" is making some bold claims, and it's really off-putting to people who know that that's not why we are here. It's not a contest where we "win" canon. It's fandom, where we talk about what we like and what we don't like and what we want and cross our fingers and hope.

EDIT I wanted to add on one thing - a lot of this behavior is incredibly shocking and disgusting and I think that we, as a fandom, need to be better at 1) calling it out, and 2) not assuming that whoever did X horrible thing represents all people from that corner of the fandom.

I hope that you have a lovely day as well! And that the fandom doesn't get you too down. @heleencollier

[rsmrymnt-tea]

(lia) so just wanted to ask, about satan actually. when he said, "i only used to feel rage before your dumbass got kidnapped here" does he mean that's genuinely ALL he felt? or that that's all he was able to acknowledge and navigate through better (sorry i forget to english sometimes but hope you get my point). bc if he acc meant it, then that would mean that he never really "loved" his brothers right? maybe he meant that that was his /prominent/ emotion which overpowered the rest??

I think you’re free to interpret it with how you want your fantasy to go.

For me, now that I think about it, I think he meant it literally? Even if he did feel some semblance of other emotions beneath the anger. Belphie in Ch. 17 talks about how Satan had ‘more of an edge to him’ and that while he didn’t let it show ‘deep down, it was like he was always irritated especially when it comes to Lucifer.’ With how even those closest to him insist that his smiles are all an act—like you’d expect Lucifer to insist that his smiles are all fake, but in the same chapter I mentioned Belphie insisted that his smiles are all an act too—I can’t help but feel like they were all sincere about it and that he really was just a ball of pure wrath under those crooked smiles. We the player just fell for the act.

Satan’s had who knows how long to build himself a presentable, amicable persona, working on it for however long he needed until he could have a front so convincing that it garners him what’s apparently a sizable following of fans and numerous connection around the Devildom. To most it’s convincing, his title just kept in mind for respect, but those who know him incredibly well can spot the cracks in it. Personally I think it’d be so fascinating if he truly did just feel anger and rage, and that generally most other emotions we see up until certain parts of his arc are all acted out, imitated from what he’s observed in others and in the books and dramas he consumes. I don’t think we see much emotion from him other that intrigue, annoyance, and amusement up until we start getting blushy Satan? And from there the emotions get more and more genuine. I doubt he was faking that joy in London or the concern in Ch. 16 as he was waiting for MC to come back from traveling to the past.

Although, I think there’s an argument of the lines perhaps blurring for him at some point—maybe he’d been pretending for so long that when certain emotions became real, he couldn’t tell at all up until something incredibly new and foreign grew in him, which were his feelings for MC. Which then probably made him re-examine himself, realizing that he’s had some emotions of his own for a while, although vague and mostly buried under his stronger wrath. Perhaps being with MC eventually made those weak emotions clearer, stronger, and much more prominent to him as time goes on with them in his company? Can you tell I’m a sucker for this idea asfjsdhgf self indulgent af

As for him loving his brothers, idk, he at least seemed to care about his brothers—he’s close with Asmo and Belphie, and in chats he’s a really good brother, especially his younger ones, at times getting along exceedingly well with Levi, too. You could chalk it up to him wanting to be the reliable brother that Lucifer barely was to him if you wanted to though. But I think he cares for them and values them as individuals for sure, even pre-MC, but considering his disconnect from them and full knowledge that he’s a black sheep brought into their lives at a strange, painful time for them, his relationship with them’s probably really complex on his side. It wouldn’t surprise me if thinking about how he felt about them too much would sometimes make him angry with confusion and frustration.

But for sure he loves them by S2 onwards, even Lucifer.

[phoebehalliwell]

i don't know if i'm the only one but i've often wondered exactly how hard it was to convince julian mcmahon to stick around for season five. they took his character, a feared powerful half demon and made him into the butt of the joke and the whole joke was basically ha ha look at this lovestruck fool obsessing and suicidal because he's got nothing to live with but can't die. ain't that funny? like how the fuck did the writers sell that to julian is my question

i find the entirety of season five just so goddamn insulting to cole's character. hell the fact that he got possessed by the source and this was treated as him turning evil instead of a shitty situation that got out of hand. like it wasn't bad enough he was villified for something that he wasn't even in control of half the time they couldn't even just vanquish the dude, they dragged it on and ridiculed him. i hate it here

lol. i mean. yeah. i really. like. it's like. like okay we all know cole was a fan favorite right and he & phoebe were really meant to like. be the sex appeal to the show no one else was really filling that role they were charmed's Sexy Couple tm. so like. in a sense i get the notion ab wanting to keep him around. because everyone loves him! he's bad boy! he adds this dangerous edge love balancing on a knife's point stuff like that. so like. that being said. u wanna keep him around. i just like Do Not Get how you opt to keep him around Like That. tbh. as w all things. i am blaming brad kern. i think it all really started to tank s4 (well, with mortal cole, but like) with source cole. that was bad, but i know it was part of the push to have like long form season drama character driven plots conflict between the sisters themselves it just like. sucked ass and balls imo. like i mean the fact they had to do the source as a possession just so they could get demon cole and lover cole,,, i mean it speaks to how stupid it was. the fact that u wanted cole to be a villain So Bad but the only way to do it was like. possession? sign that u should not do that like. like. like. i don't know how we're supposed to feel ab that.

and then. the vanquish. not sticking. i think like. i think they probably had the vague idea that cole having a mortal soul would not be able to be vanquished properly right? like. demons get destroyed into nothingness, but the human part of him lives, so i think they probably knew that was what they were going to do, that's what they sold to jmm and like. we sowed those seeds in the s4 finale w his ghost whispers and materialization. so i think like. they knew they wanted to Not Kill Him because he was such a fan favorite. maybe there was an intention to do a will they won't they variant of phole? and then. of course. there was the whole idea of paige cole, which, as the rumor goes, was meant to kick of in the s5 pilot, but both julian and rose shut it down. but i feel like. assuming that's true (which i 100% do assume that's true absolutely and i'm not endorsing it i don't think it would have been good or well written or whatever but like. 👀. you know?) but yeah. assuming that's true, i feel like that piece really speaks to what their designs for cole were: man meat. he was meant to be their male sex appeal and they weren't going to be picky about the narrative itself as long as he was still kicking.

but like honestly? i mean i shouldn't have to say this it's a given: it's not enough to just put your sexy man in front of a camera and call it a day like imo even a man who is not sexy can be made appealing through the power of the narrative. like, to level with you, i never really ever shipped phole nor found cole attractive at all like ever, but i can see like the fucking support beams you know i can see the infrastructure on which this whole thing can you know take on a life of its own in the earlier seasons because they very consciously put it there!! people shipped it for a reason n not just because they were two people standing next to each other on a tv screen i mean hello almost sinking a dagger in her heart but can't do it sends her away back to her sisters because he can't act out on his evil plan!! that's something!!!! that's so very something and they gave us Nothing they gave us nothing in the later seasons. and still expected it to fly. like. tbh julian was probably just like unwittingly duped like dragged along for the ride s5 which is likely why he was vanquished halfway through because i'd imagine roughly three episode in he went okay! um. what's this? guys? what's this? and then they said cole<3 you know he like knew he had to get the hell outta dodge.

anyways. if i were to resuscitate phole in s5. which like. to level w u. i wouldn’t. because they would need a lot of one-on-one screentime and we already spent so much of s4 splitting up the sisterhood in the name of phole i wouldn’t really want to continue with that per se But. if i were. this ask is getting long it’s under a cut 

something something demon of the week something something realms the point is cole is there when he very much shouldn’t be and like. he and phoebe get knocked into a different plane. so their bodies are fine and at the manor, but their minds are elsewhere and they need to solve whatever it is in order to get back. and we’ll say there’s a fuckin deadline because the girls need the power of three and right now they are sealed off from accessing it. and you know phoebe’s pretty fuckin pissed with cole because you know. he dragged her down to hell and she almost gave birth to the antichrist. actually source’s heir might be fun to keep around in this au idk. the point is phoebe’s pissed at cole and cole’s pissed at phoebe because phoebe’s pissed at him but he literally didn’t have control over himself in that era and he’s not getting the space he needs to justify himself because phoebe keeps stepping over him. but they gotta work together to get out of here. and were kinda doing enemies to lover 2.0 but like now they have History. of course we’ve gotta do a moment where cole has idk done something normal and phoebe’s so riled up that she does something rash and almost dies cole saves her like catches her bridal style or something faces inches apart breathing heavy and there’s a moment. like a we’re back in early s4 moment. which phoebe immediately breaks from and like walls going flying up but just for a moment there we see it it’s obvious: she’s still in love with cole. which then segues into an argument because like. cole wasn’t sure. right? he wasn’t sure if phoebe now just genuinely hated him. but now he knows right he knows better now so why are you acting like this? why are you taking every opportunity to shut me down to shut me out? why are you acting like you hate me when you know that’s not true right that whole thing to phoebe who gets the Classic because i do hate you. i hate you for what you did to me for what you did to my family and i hate you because i loved you so much and you destroyed me and i hate you because no matter how hard i try that love is still there and i know that for a second if i stop hating you i’m going to love you just like before and you can destroy me again and i hate myself because i’d let you because i love you. you know? big speech. big reveal. i have No Idea what piper and paige are up to right now. the point is. after this big confession we get the lull the cards are on the table what the fuck do we do now which is when cole Finally gets to opportunity to say he was actually possessed by the source and manipulated by the seer and the only thing that kept him holding on was his love for her and after she became queen of hell after he saw what the source had done to her he knew it had to end he doesn’t hold it against her for vanquishing him right this is where we exonerate all wrongs we’re just saying anything bad that has happened ever? scrub it. it’s the source’s fault. cole has no resentment against phoebe. he loves her a healthy, normal, non-possessive amount, so much so He Loves Her So Much he let her kill him and like honestly would probably do it again. idk and then they make out or something. and then they’re out of whatever plane they were in by the end of the episode. And Then we get a buddy cop episode with paige and cole where they bond and also sort through everything that happened there. slowly but surely. and then we do a real phole wedding a super small affair in the manor lowkey bc i hated their wedding episode it blowed we give them a good one. wallah <3

[writesowhatnext]

definitely just a coincidence // remus lupin

Summary: sometimes everything in life just… comes together – helps if you have a Sirius though

Request: Hi, how are you doing? Could you please write a soulmate au for Remus where soulmates have a birthmark where they’re first touched by them and the reader has a mark on her wrist? And one day Remus and the reader happen to sit next to each other at a quidditch game they're having fun talking when James does something risky and Remus grasps the reader's wrist? I'm sorry if that was too specific! Thank you!

A/N: I have no idea why this was so difficult to write but I hope you like it! It also took everything I had not to use the word coinkydink

Reader: unspecified

Warnings: swearing bc I’m incapable

The universe, without question, works in mysterious ways. Any third-rate fortune teller, rocket scientist or six-year-old can tell you that. Some things are just meant to be: the sun move from East to West, Sirius Black is the world’s biggest drama queen and every single person has a soulmate.

It would definitely be a lie to say that you’d never questioned the legitimacy or inevitability of soulmates. It just seemed strange that there was this perfect person out there for you, but every time you looked at your wrist, you were reminded that it must be true.

Though soulmates are still pretty much a mystery to both the muggle and the wizarding world, the working theory is that in a past life, wherever on your bare skin your soulmate last touched left a mark, a birthmark, where they were destined to first touch you in this life.

Your mum always told you to cover the mark on your wrist; it was in such a common place and you had to be careful so you would know for sure who your soulmate was. Most people tended to parade theirs around, though, and some even took to covering every inch of their body to avoid the situation entirely. There’d been stories, though, of massive coincidences and unimaginable luck uniting soulmates and as you looked down at your wrist, vaguely aware that you would be late for the Quidditch match if you didn’t hurry up, you thought about who yours would be. Someone smart, perhaps? Funny, maybe? You hoped more than anything that they’d be kind. It was odd to think, regardless, that the universe would try so hard to get you together.

Absentmindedly, you rubbed at the thick mark on your wrist, the colour a stark contrast to your skin. The wide band reached around your wrist and almost connected at your palm and anyone with half a brain cell could see it was a perfect shadow of someone’s grasp. You frowned, briefly glancing at the time.

“Oh fuck,” you muttered, quickly grabbing your scrunchie and making for the door. Every day, without fail, you’d worn that scrunchie on your wrist, covering your mark and not once had it failed you. Today, though, was different from every other day. Whether you knew it or not, this day would be very different indeed because the universe, in all its ineffably annoying glory, decided it had a job to do.

As you rushed through the corridors, desperate not to miss the last quidditch match of the season, you were glad to see many other people in the same boat, winding around the corridors to the pitch. You were so eager that you didn’t even notice Lily coming around the next corner and, before you knew it, you had slammed into her, sending each of you back a few feet, onto your arses. You blinked, a little disorientated as you tried to focus on her.

“Blimey,” you said, using one hand to push yourself up as the other rubbed your head. “I did not expect that.”

“Y/N!” Her face lit up as she realised it was you, taking your outstretched hand gratefully. “Just the person I was after.”

“Why? Did you want to be human bumper cars today?”

She laughed, shaking her head and clutching the book she had dropped to her side under her arm.

“I can’t go to the match today – head girl bollocks, you know how it is-“

“Sure I do,” you said, sarcasm leaking through your tone. She rolled her eyes in response, side-stepping a Hufflepuff racing past her. You suddenly remembered why you’d been running in the first place, your happiness at seeing your friend replaced with a familiar urgency.

“Can you tell Remus for me? He said he’d save me a seat – he’ll be next to Sirius…”

You barely heard what else she said, your feet already talking you towards the pitch.

“Sure, Lils!”

You thought about Sirius as you hurried towards the Gryffindor stand, relieved to see that the players weren’t even on the pitch yet. You and Sirius had been friends since second year when he nearly set your hair on fire in Charms. He’d been apologetic, of course, but his expression soon turned mischievous when you’d shot a spark at him, singeing the hairs of his forearm. From then on, you’d been as thick as thieves. It helped he had friends that were happy to accept you and who tended to find your jokes, however unfunny, hysterical. Sometimes you wished you weren’t as close, though. He could read you like an open book and he constantly teased you about your crush on Remus. He’d never shut up about it when you were alone and when you weren’t, he’d send you annoying glances and make lewd gestures. And for that, and many other things, you hated him about as much as you could hate someone so loveable.

You spotted the two of them around a dozen rows up, Sirius already shouting though the match hadn’t even begun to start. You rolled your eyes at him before you let them wander to Remus, who was sitting rather patiently next to him. In all honesty, it wasn’t that you didn’t have a crush on Remus, you just hated it when Sirius was right. And, it wasn’t like it would go anywhere: he never gave any indication that he liked you and you both had soulmates – it was a moot point. As you walked closer, slipping between some unruly Gryffindors on the way, you had to admire Remus. He was very handsome and the sight of him staring up at Sirius with fond exasperation made you smile, a warmth in your chest. It reminded you of when you’d first met.

“Oi, Y/N,” Sirius had shouted from the breakfast table when he saw you walk into the Great Hall. You rolled your eyes and wandered over, standing behind him.

“And what do you want?” you asked, narrowing your eyes.

“Can’t I just want to see my friend without ulterior motives?”

If you had known him less well, you would’ve been fooled by his puppy dog eyes.

“No, you always have ulterior motives. That’s your defining feature.”

“I thought my hair was my defining feature? Or my exquisitely handsome face? Remus,” he turned towards the boy opposite at the table, who had been watching you both with amusement. “What’s my defining feature?”

“Your modesty.”

You snorted at the way Sirius’ face soured completely.

“Brilliant,” you said, offering Remus your hand. “I’m Y/N: unfortunate Charms partner and reluctant friend.”

He smiled back and something stirred inside you at the way his grin pulled at his features handsomely, the scars littered across his cheeks shining delicately in the light. His expression dropped though, a sweet blush flushing his face, as he lifted his hand. His eyes were almost apologetic as you noticed the stark white bandages wrapped around his fingers all the way up his arm. You shrugged nonchalantly and his lovely smile returned.

“Remus: also, reluctant friend and even more reluctant roommate.”

You beamed at his response, enjoying it when he mirrored your expression even though his shoulders were hunched shyly.

“Great, and now you’re friends,” Sirius sighed, mock annoyance riddling his features.

“Earth to Y/N,” a familiar voice shouted, breaking you from your reverie. You saw Sirius a couple rows away, shouting at you and waving his hands wildly. You made a face at him, gesturing for him to calm down. Remus was smiling at you softly as you approached, and you couldn’t help but wonder if he was as pleased to see you as you were, undeniably, to see him.

“You alright there, Y/N? Didn’t realise Divination was on the quidditch bleachers today.” Sirius said with a smirk.

“Oh, shove off,” you tutted; rolling your eyes as you got closer, standing in the space they’d probably saved for Lily.

You stood next to Remus, ignoring Sirius’ wink as he went back to shouting about Quidditch and picking fights with the nearby houses.

“Ignore him,” Remus said, rolling his eyes. “He’s been a prat all day because it’s the Slytherin game.”

You nodded, shooting Sirius a look almost identical to the one Remus had – he may have been an annoying bastard but he was, in fact, quite loveable.

“I ran into Lily in the corridor, literally actually,” you said, turning to face Remus, briefly distracted by the warm green of his eyes. “She said she can’t come – some head girl crap.”

“Oh, that’s a shame.”

“Yeah,” you nodded, looking around to see your friends, unable to spot them.

“You can watch with us,” Remus offered very quickly. He seemed to realise his rush as his cheeks heated up and he looked straight ahead, blinking. You had to laugh at his reaction.

“I’d love that.”

You sat down next to him, watching his face as he messed around with his coat to make more room for you. He looked rather cosy in his coat and gloves; his Gryffindor scarf tucked under his chin. Rather cute too.

“Has he been like that the whole time?” you asked, pointing at Sirius, who kept shoving his hair out of his face as he began jumping, the players finally out on the pitch.

“I wish,” Remus groaned, rubbing his face with both hands. “A Ravenclaw prefect told him to shut up earlier and he almost flashed her.”

Though you felt for him, you couldn’t help your grin at Sirius’ antics.

“Y/N, love,” Sirius looked down at you, making grabby hands. “Can I borrow a hair bobble?”

You tore the scrunchie off your wrist, too distracted with Remus and the rush of recent events to think about it all that much, and passed it to him.

“Merlin, this is definitely my colour.”

You and Remus both tried to ignore Sirius throughout the game, but with the Slytherin team playing a little dirtier than usual, certain parts had all three of you up on your feet.

“Rem, give us your gloves,” Sirius insisted during the timeout, rubbing his hands together loudly. Looking at him, you noticed how inappropriately dressed for the weather he was in his t-shirt and jeans, perhapssomewhat unsurprisingly. Without argument, Remus passed over his gloves before turning to you. His deadpan expression made you laugh.

“He’s a liability,” he muttered, making you laugh harder. You fell into a comfortable silence before you remembered the proof you had that not every decision you made was as awful as making friends with Sirius. Remus watched you with fond eyes as you gasped and began rifling through your coat. When you pulled out half a bar of chocolate, though he didn’t think it possible, he liked you even more. It only got better when you offered him some. You noticed, when he grabbed the wrapper, the dark maroon-coloured birthmark on the palm of his hand and down his fingers, intersected occasionally with silvery scars. You didn’t have time to think more about it; the players already soaring back into the air.

James was testing your patience at this point. He’d made several very bad choices trying to stay on par with the Slytherin team without cheating. He kept making sharp turns and dramatic swoops with the quaffle and the whole stadium was holding its breath – even Sirius had shut up. You and Remus were both close to a heart attack with how many close calls James’d had. It wasn’t until he got hit by a stray bludger that you both stood up, Remus anxiously reaching out to grab your hand. He didn’t find your hand, though; his long, now icy cold, fingers circled your wrist, a perfect fit for your birthmark. You probably wouldn’t have noticed with all the action going on had a searing pain not shot up your arm. You hissed, as did Remus, and you both yanked your arms away sharply.

“What the-“ you began before your eyes widened to the size of saucers. “Holy shit.”

Remus stared down at his hand and then back at you and then back at his hand countless times before he settled on you, his raised eyebrows lowering slightly as a smile crept onto his lips.

“It’s you,” he said breathlessly. His words reminded you of what going home felt like and as his smile grew, you felt yourself mirroring him, a warm feeling flooding through your system.

“I can’t say I’m disap-”

Cheers echoed through the crowd and you were interrupted by what you’d been, perhaps justifiably, distracted from. James, who had been dangling from his broom by one hand, pulled himself back up; an impressive move regardless of how awkwardly he did it. Even from far away, you could see how pleased with himself he was and despite yourself, you ended up mimicking Sirius with shouts and whistles. Remus wasn’t paying any attention, though. He just watched as you cheered for his friend, your mouth wide in a smile and your eyes lively and bright and for once in his life, he felt like everything would actually be alright.

[thesapphiresoul]

PLEASE be mean. spill the tea. 👀

ok i'm not going to be mean mean bc like,, i try to keep things pretty positive here but i will gripe a little bit lol

i know a lot of people are over shipping drama, and i completely understand. i'm way less invested in cr shipping than i used to be. but like,, my biggest complaint is that beaujester could have been it. and if tumblr's most popular ship list is anything to go by, beaujester was it for a lot of people. and i'll probably die being disappointed about how everything went down. maybe i'm just a traditional old crone, but i like it when a romantic relationship has a strong friendship for a foundation. that was the biggest appeal with beaujes!! i mean, for me at least. these two women have been best friends and roommates since literally day one, and over the course of months in game and years irl, we watched this fun friendship turn into something deeper and sturdier. beau and jester were constantly supporting each other and helping each other grow! they pulled pranks and had heart to hearts and it was so fun to watch!!! these women had such a close relationship that getting even closer made complete sense. and marisha saw it too!! marisha/beau saw this incredible woman brimming with joy and creativity and mischief and so much love for her friends that she forgot about herself sometimes. imagine sharing grueling hours of travel with that person, sharing almost constant life threatening encounters, sharing a room every night. how could you not fall in love? it made so much sense to me and dozens of fans and even marisha herself. so what happened?? i know that in canon beau said it was just a fleeting crush, but i honestly have such a hard time believing that. beaujes was going so strong before the hiatus. beau had canon feelings for jester. beau was flirting with jester. jester was,, idk,,, it felt like she was reciprocating but at the very least she was receptive. jester had all but stopped flirting with fjord. and then they return from hiatus and everyone went back to their character dynamics from the very beginning of the campaign.

that got super long but i just want to know what changed. what made marisha change her mind about beaujes? and i know it seems awful presumptuous of me to talk like beaujes was a done deal, but to be fair, when has a character confessed they had feeling for another character and then just,, dropped it? i had always assumed that laura and marisha talk about beau's feelings before they were brought up in canon just to make sure that was something they were comfortable exploring,, but i guess i was wrong. or maybe they did!! and they just changed their minds. idk. the worst part is that i'll never know. at this point i'd rather brutal honesty than the vague non-answers we've been given.