#...real talk if anyone's interested in this and has any Thoughts on the matter DM me and let's talk...

[whysamwhy123]

So. Stripper!Hook AU anyone?

IDK the context but Hook starts at a male strip club and naturally, he quickly becomes one of the most popular dancers there because of course he does. The other strippers (I have a fairly extensive list of who else I'd want to be there, but it's not super relevant and no one probably cares so whatever) probably would be a little jealous, but it's fine, they're all stripper-bros so it's cool, it's cool. The owner of the club (Ricky, I will not take notes on this, he owns the club and used to strip himself and still does sometimes for the hell out of it because I said so, my mind will not be changed on this YOUCAN'TSTOPMEYOU'LLHAVETOKILLMEFIRST) sure is happy, with all the money and customers his new hire is bringing in, that's for sure. He's taken Hook under his wing, so to speak, mentoring the new kid.

And then maybe one night, for reasons, Hook needs to find someone in the club to ask him for a private dance, like right now. So he spots a shy, nervous fella on his own, Danhausen, and decides he looks like an easy target.

The guy's a little...odd, that's for sure. But whatever, Hook's encountered a lot of Stuff working here. At least this one seems genuinely nice and doesn't try to break the rules, not once, even though Hook can tell he's very, very tempted to during their time together. Hook finishes up the dance, leaves the mystery guy with the strange painted face a very happy customer and then goes about the rest of his night, thinking nothing of it.

But then, strangely, at the exact same time the next night, another man comes in with a painted face. And he looks a lot like the last guy but the face paint is slightly different? And he doesn't act like the other guy - no, this guy isn't nervous or shy, doesn't speak in the third person. This version is confident, forward, and much more eager to bend the rules as much as possible. He dodges Hook's questions, any attempt to figure out if this really is the same person or not. But maybe he can be persuaded to answer some of Hook's questions, provided Hook gives him something he wants in return...

(In case it ain't clear, it's Evilhausen and this would ultimately be a kind of Hook/D/Evilhausen type deal, I don't know, this is still kind of a vague idea in my head, I don't know what I'm doing *shrugs and then runs away*)

[shitsndgiggs]

You know the one about Jobe being the insecure one in the relationship bc of Jude but how about the reader being the one insecure because Jobe is starting to really blow up and has so many girls in his dm's alllll the time but he ofc does everything to reasure you xx

FOR ME, ITS YOU - JOBE BELLINGHAM

… idk

Jobe Bellingham x fem! reader

︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿

I was scrolling through my phone, aimlessly flipping between apps, but my mind was far from the glowing screen. Ever since Jobe’s football career had started to take off, things had changed.

He was blowing up—his name in headlines, interviews, more fans, and… DMs. Tons of them.

And not just any DMs. Beautiful girls, influencers, models—women I could only dream of looking like.

They flooded his notifications, and it gnawed at me. I tried to push the thoughts away, but they kept creeping in.

What if he realized he could do better?

Jobe was sitting across the room, scrolling through his phone, oblivious to the knot of insecurity that had been tightening in my chest.

Every time I glanced at him, my thoughts spiraled. What if he was talking to one of them? What if they were funnier or more interesting? What if he started to lose interest in me?

Before I could stop myself, the words slipped out. “You’ve been getting a lot of attention lately.”

Jobe looked up from his phone, a puzzled look on his face. “What do you mean?”

I shrugged, trying to keep my tone light, but failing miserably. “You know... all the DMs, comments, the girls. I see them, Jobe. They're all so—" I paused, unsure how to even finish the sentence, “...gorgeous.”

His expression softened immediately. “Wait, is that what’s been bothering you?”

I avoided his gaze, suddenly feeling silly for even bringing it up. But it was eating me up inside, and I couldn’t pretend anymore. “I just… sometimes I wonder if you’ll realize you could be with someone like them. Someone who’s... better.”

Jobe set his phone down and crossed the room, sitting beside me on the couch. He gently took my hand, his thumb brushing over my knuckles. “You really think I’d want to be with anyone else?”

I shrugged, still staring at the floor. “I mean, look at them. They’re flawless, and they seem so perfect for you. You’re blowing up right now, Jobe, and I can’t help but feel like... maybe I’m not enough.”

He turned toward me, his hand cupping my chin and lifting my face so our eyes met. “I don’t care about any of that,” he said softly but firmly. “You’re the one I want. Not them. You.”

I tried to smile, but it didn’t reach my eyes. “But they’re so—”

“Stop,” Jobe interrupted, his voice full of sincerity. “Yeah, maybe they’re models or influencers, but I don’t care about any of that. You think I care about some random girl sliding into my DMs when I’ve got you?”

I looked at him, my heart aching with uncertainty. “But why me? You could have anyone, Jobe.”

He let out a small laugh, shaking his head. “Why you? Because you’re the one who’s been with me from the start. You’re the one who knows me better than anyone. You’re the one who makes me laugh, who supports me, who’s real with me. None of those girls know me like you do. They don’t mean anything compared to you.”

I blinked back tears, trying to believe him, but my insecurities still lingered. “But what if—”

“No,” he said firmly, leaning in closer, his voice gentle but unwavering. “I don’t want them. I want you. You’re more than enough. You’re everything I need, everything I want.”

He brushed a strand of hair behind my ear, his eyes full of warmth. “I love how you’re always there for me. I love how you know all my quirks and still put up with me. I love how you make me feel grounded when everything else is crazy. That’s what matters to me, not a bunch of likes or DMs from people who don’t even know who I am.”

I finally let out a small laugh, feeling the tension in my chest start to loosen. “You’re really not interested in them?”

Jobe smiled, his eyes crinkling at the corners. “Not even a little bit. Besides, they don’t have anything on you.”

I rolled my eyes, but a genuine smile tugged at my lips. “You’re just saying that.”

“No, I’m serious,” he said, pulling me into a tight hug. “You’re beautiful, and you’re everything I could ask for. I’m lucky to have you. Don’t ever doubt that.”

As I rested my head on his shoulder, feeling the steady rhythm of his heartbeat, his words finally started to sink in. Maybe I didn’t need to compare myself to all those other girls. Jobe chose me. And for now, that was enough.

“I love you,” I whispered, my voice soft.

He kissed the top of my head and smiled against my hair. “I love you too, and nothing’s going to change that.”

[slayfics]

hi hi !! do u accept part 2 requests ? bc i really loved ur cam boy katsuki 😭 to see them meet and do the deed has been behind my mind ever since reading it RARAAAAAAAHDBSJA 🥺🩵

Camboy Katsuki.

Warnings: NSFW | Katsuki aged up

3,400 words~

Chapter links

Chapter 2

Who would have thought a simple trip to the grocery store could have turned out this way?

You scanned over the vegetables attempting to find the ripest ones. Finally selecting a cucumber to place in a bag, you heard a booming voice come from behind you. The voice called you by a username you had only used for a particularly mischievous website.

You nearly stopped breathing when you turned around to see Katsuki Bakugo behind you eyeing you and your selection of vegetables.

All those times you had paid to watch him on your computer, and now he was standing right in front of you. For a moment, you were positive you were hallucinating until he spoke again.

"I knew it was you, I wouldn't forget that sexy face anywhere. What the hell are you doing? Hasn't anyone ever taught you how to pick out good vegetables? Put that shitty thing back," he said grabbing the bag from your hand and tossing the cucumber back. "Here you go, this one looks more your size," he said laughing with a wink as he handed you a much larger cucumber.

Fucking say something! You yelled at yourself internally, but no words were produced from your brain to your mouth. Instead, you just stared in awe at seeing the man you had lusted for so long standing in front of you. No longer just an image on a screen, but a real person. It froze your brain to see him in casual clothes, a drawstring orange hoodie, and black pants. Somehow, he looked even more attractive in these than all the times you had seen him nude.

"Damn, you're even hotter in person you know that," he said as he picked out his own groceries. "What are the odds we live around the same area? Must be your lucky day, hm?" he said, turning to look at you expecting a response.

Instead, all he received was a shaky "Mhm~" from you.

"Tch, too star-struck to even talk to me, hu? That's fine, tell you what- if you want to see the real thing tonight, come to my place. I'm going to start streaming at 8PM. You can have a front-row seat. Be warned though you'll be in the splash zone," he said with another booming laugh. "If you're interested, send me a DM, and I'll give you the address," he spoke as he walked off.

What the fuck.

Once he was gone you realized how abnormally hard you were griping onto the cucumber, you lightened your grip and let out a frustrated breath.

I really didn't even fucking say a word to him, you thought to yourself.

Shit.

What were you going to do? You had to go, right? But fuck. Were you just going to sit their mouth agape unable to get out a fucking word again?

No.

You'd be prepared this time. You hurried through the rest of your grocery list to make it home by 6:30PM. That gave you about an hour to get ready assuming he didn't live too far.

Once you unpacked all your groceries you took out your phone to navigate to the live cam app. Hands shaking, you typed him a DM asking for the address.

That's my dirty girl, I knew you'd want to come.

He messaged back followed by his address. Your jaw dropped as soon as you pasted it into your maps app.

All this time- he was only 15 minutes away.

Crap, what to wear was the problem. He invited you just to watch, right? So, maybe it didn't matter but- you pulled out your most provocative laundry you had that had long been forgotten in the back of your drawer.

Putting it on you, you remembered just how uncomfortable it was. However, any uncomfortableness would be rewarded if things happened to escalate tonight.

You rushed to finish getting ready and then swiftly headed out to him.

You couldn't count how many times you fantasized about where he lived, and what the rest of his place looked like, pulling up to the address it was strange to see it was just an average apartment. But, you couldn't help but wonder, what did the rest of his life look like? What was his day job? Who were his friends? What were his hobbies?

Your heart raced as you knocked on the apartment door. You took a deep breath as you prepared to redeem yourself. However, all of that went out the window when he opened the door.

"Hey there sexy, come in I'll show you the setup," he said waving you in. One sight of him caused your brain to malfunction again.

Fuck.

Why did he already have to be wearing his signature muscle shirt and sweats that you had watched him peel off of himself so many times? As if your body was trained to react to the sight of him you already felt yourself beginning to slip. It was too much seeing him like this in person. How the hell were you going to keep your composure watching him live stream pleasuring himself in front of you?

"This is where it happens, but then again you're already well aware of that," he said with a smirk as he walked you to his bedroom. "I keep the laptop here on this stand, it gives me more freedom to do my stuff. I also keep the stream up on my PC here, so if you want to read the comments coming in you can. This area of the room stays off-camera so you can sit anywhere here. I won't mention you or show your face or anything so don't be concerned about that, and uh- don't be afraid to get comfortable while you're watching if you know what I mean," he said winking at you. "You're more than welcome to give me a show back."

You swallowed hard. Come on, redeem your fucking self, say something, you thought.

"Guess you'll have to make sure it's a good show then," you said smiling back at him.

"Oh shit, she speaks," He teased. "I'll make sure the show is worthy of you stripping down right here to play with your pussy. Don't you worry," he said laughing.

Just like that, you felt all ounce of cool you had slipped away again. How were his words always so damn paralyzing?

"Alright well it's show time so, get comfortable over there," he said as he sat down in his usual spot in front of his laptop.

From where you were sitting, you could see the live stream on his PC as well as him in person sitting in front of his laptop. The PC showed he was now live.

"Takes a little while for people to log on, usually you're the first," he said giving you a smirk. "So, I guess we'll have to see who's going to be first this time instead."

Not long after a few usernames you had usually seen in the chat had joined.

"Always good to see repeat customers," he said into the camera greeting his viewers. "How is everyone doing tonight?"

You read some of the comments from the PC.

Ready to see you touch yourself.

Better now that I'm here with you.

"Awe, you're all so eager as always aren't you? Well, you know what you have to do then," he said with a sly smirk.

Just like that tips came pouring into the chat and even more people joined to view. It was shocking to see exactly how much money he made from this hobby.

Katsuki stripped off his sweats and began to palm at his bulge through his boxer briefs in the same way he always did. You cursed the laptop that had been blocking your view of precisely what you wanted to see. Shamelessly, you moved spots to sit at a better angle.

Katsuki looked over at you for a split second, his eyes gleaming and his smirk spreading even wider as he saw your greedy eyes looking at his growing bulge.

"Does everyone have a good view?" He asked seemingly to his viewers but was looking directly at you. You held in a gasp at his sneakiness and couldn't help the blush that ignited on your face at his attention.

Viewers poured in comments about how good he looked, and that the angle he was in was perfect.

"Good- so tell me what's next then?" he asked, as his bulge was now fully grown. He pinched the tip of his penis through his boxer briefs and stared directly at you. You felt your face become hot, and your whole body felt frozen in place. How the fuck were you supposed to handle this? You thought he'd just be watching the computer the whole time, not looking at you.

Comments and tips poured in asking him to strip, and he followed through.

"You dirty sluts, have what you want then," he said as he pulled his shirt off over his head.

Comments again poured in fawning over how hot he was, how toned his body was.

His bulge was now almost begging to be set free from his boxers and he milked every second of it.

"I'm sorry what is it you all want? You're going to have to ask nicely. Don't be shy, tell me exactly what you want me to do," he said, breaths now becoming heavy.

Katsuki read and replied to more comments, "Oh, you want to see my dick, hu? Fucking filthy, aren't you? Fine then, be good to me and maybe I'll reward you," He panted out.

Tips came flooding in and his eyes grazed over to you once more.

"Alright then, have what you've been begging for," he said as he slid his boxers down, revealing his cock.

Katsuki's eyes were locked directly onto you, watching your reaction to his reveal. Shamefully, you hadn't noticed his gaze as your eyes had been watching eagerly as he slid his boxers down. Seeing him revealed in person was exhilarating. Absentmindedly, you bit your lip as your thighs pressed tightly together.

Katsuki began to slowly run his hand up and down the full length of his shaft, causing your thighs to tighten even closer together.

Fuck.

Every nerve in your body screamed for you to go touch him, or at the very least, touch yourself. The heat coming from between your legs was unbearable.

"Is everyone having a good time?" Katsuki asked, again seemingly to his viewers, but when you looked up, you noticed his eyes locked on to yours.

Fuck, how long had he been watching you? You squirmed even more under his intense gaze.

"Don't be shy, have a good time with me," he spoke, voice raspy and heavy with lust.

Fuck.

Was he really asking you to touch yourself? He joked about it before but, did he really mean it?

Losing all dignity, your hand hungrily found its way to pull down your bottoms, revealing the bottom part of your provocative laundry you had picked out.

Thong and lace high stockings revealed Katsuki let out a heavy, "Fuck," he said, his eyes eagerly taking you in.

Your fingers found your clit and began to rub slow circle motions over yourself.

Katsuki's breaths became erratic, and his eyes snapped to the camera as if almost forgetting it was there.

"Shit, hmm, how are you all doing hu?" He asked, grunting as he continued his strokes, his cock now glistening with pre cum.

Comments flooded in, encouraging him to cum.

"Something tells me that'll be especially easy tonight," he said, a smirk on his face as his eyes wandered over to you once more.

You should care.

You should care that you've let go of all shame. That you're fingering yourself sitting on some random dude's floor. But you don't. It's fucking exhilarating, and you feel yourself getting close as you continue the motions around your clit.

Katsuki begins to moan as he strokes himself, and his moans bring you over the edge. You cover your mouth as your head flings back against his wall, fingers still buried between your things. You catch your moans into your hands so as to not alarm his viewers, and then there you are making a mess on his floor.

One sight of you drags him over the edge. Your legs spread open, the perfect view of your release dripping down from your slit onto his floor, causing his own limit to break. The room is filled with his moans as his release spills all over his abandoned. Like so many times you've seen before but this time, you know it was for you.

Katsuki gives his viewers a quick goodbye as he signs off hastily and shuts his laptop.

"God damn, you're fucking hot," he says breathlessly. "Did you wear that because you thought we were going to fuck?" he asks, eyes grazing over your laundry.

"I uh-" You stammer trying to catch your breath from your own excitement.

"Never mind, tell you what babe- if you can get me hard again, I'll give you the real thing," he said eyes full of lust.

You felt your breath catch in your throat. The real thing? He'd really fuck you? The man you've fantasized about for countless nights- was offering to make every filthy fantasy you'd ever have come true.

You didn't speak but moved to him right away stumbling off the floor.

"Hold on, I'll get cleaned up," he said beginning to stand up out of his chair.

"No need," you said, pushing him back down to sit. "I'll clean you up," you spoke eyes locked with his as you took a lick of his release off his abdomen.

"Oh, fuck kitten, where the hell have you been my whole life?" he asked, laughing.

You continued to lick up the release off of Katsuki as soft moans escaped him while he took in the sight. His moans only encouraged you further. It was exhilarating to hear his moans and know they were just for you and not for the pleasure of all his viewers.

"Damn," He panted watching you, "I don't think it's gonna take me much longer to be ready at this rate, you really are something else. Never would have guessed you were down this bad."

Having completely licked him clean, Katsuki placed a hand around your arm, "Get up and sit down on the bed," he instructed, as his hand guided you up.

You eagerly obeyed him and sat down on his bed.

"I want to see the rest of this slutty outfit you put on," he said as he guided your shirt over your head dropping it to the floor.

"Fuck," he exclaimed taking in your full laundry outfit. "This is hot as fucking hell. Tell me, what were you hoping to accomplish in this outfit, hm?" He said placing a finger under your chin and forcing you to look up at him.

You opened your mouth attempting to sound confident but his crimson eyes looking directly into yours made it impossible to think, "I...," You tried to say but got lost in his gaze.

"Come on, don't get shy on me again. All you have to do is ask to get what you want," he said as he began to stroke himself again in preparation.

"I... I want to feel you inside," you managed to squeak out.

Katsuki smirked at you, one hand still under your chin the other stroking himself as his excitement began to grow once again, "That's a good girl. Let me feel how you're doing."

Katsuki moved his hand from under your chin and placed it between your thighs. Pushing aside your laundry his finger found your entrance. You let out an audible gasp as you felt yourself stretch around his finger. Your whole body shivered, and a moan escaped your lips at the intrusion.

"So much pleasure from just one finger, hm? I love what I do to you," he laughed. "You're so fucking wet, don't worry I won't keep you waiting long," he said as another finger found its way to your entrance, stretching you farther.

You leaned forward to rest your head on his chest and gripped his arm for support, closing your eyes as he began to curl his fingers inside you.

"Fuck, bet I could make you cum from just this couldn't, I?" He laughed again. "But... that's not what you really want is it?" He asked

The only answer Katsuki received back was your increasing moans.

"I'm sorry I don't understand. You have to tell me, how do you want to cum? Are just my fingers enough for you?" he asked.

"Mmm~ n- no-..." you answered, voice shaking and heavy with pleasure.

"Then what, say it, say what you want," he encouraged you.

"Y-you..."

He let out an exasperated chuckle, "Me? Well, I'm right here... come on, tell me. I want to hear it." He demanded.

"I want... I want your cock," you finally confessed.

Katsuki let out a deep groan, "Fucking perfect, lay back," He instructed, as he removed his fingers leaving you throbbing and desperate for more.

You followed his command and laid back on the bed, finally having the confidence to open your eyes again. Katsuki was above you, his cock fully ready and glistening with pre cum once again, "look at that, you made it so easy to get hard again. How could I not with how fucking dirty you are? How many times have you fantasized about this, hm? Cum to the thoughts of my dick inside you. Now you get to feel the real thing," he said, as he hungrily stripped off your laundry ripping pieces in the process.

"I'd ask if you are ready but, that seems like a fucking stupid question, doesn't it? I can see how damn eager you are for me, you're already making a mess of my damn bed," he laughed.

Katsuki grabbed your legs and placed them to rest on his shoulders, using your thighs for support he pulled you closer to him. Without another word, he guided himself into your entrance and pushed himself inside you.

The room seemed to vanish as you saw stars once he entered you. After all those times you imagined what he would feel like, to feel him in person was overwhelming. Beyond euphoric, and unlike any rush you'd ever had in your life.

"You look so fucked out already and I haven't even started moving yet," he teased.

Gripping your thighs tighter, Katsuki began to thrust inside you.

You felt your brain turn to mush as he pushed rhythmically into you until his full length was plunged inside you. The high only intensified as you watched him. His face was tilted down watching his cock appear and disappear inside you with each thrust.

The expression on his face was all too intoxicating. You felt something inside you breaking. Not once in your life had you ever come from pure penetration, but the high from seeing Katsuki in person fucking you was bringing you to your end.

It was better than any wet dream you had ever had about him, and the feeling of your walls stretched around him was a sensation you didn't know existed.

"Holy fuck- are you going to cum on my dick?" he asked, looking up at you, sweat beading up on his forehead. "Your body is shaking- fuck yeah cum for me kitten," he groaned and quickened his pace, overcome by the rush of your body's reaction to his.

Your moans rang louder through the room as you felt the twist of pleasure form in your abdomen, with each thrust it grew and spread. Until your whole body was overcome with pleasure. You screamed out his name as you reached the peak of your climax.

"Fuck," he moaned as your walls clenched down around him. "God damn squeezing me so tight," he panted as he still thrust into you allowing you to ride out your climax. "Shit I-" Katuski moaned once more as he met his own limit. Warmth erupted inside you as he released and painted your walls.

Katsuki milked out every last thrust ensuring he had filled you with everything he had, before pulling out and collapsing next to you on the bed.

Catching his breath, he let out a laugh, "Kitten, you can come be my live audience anytime you want."

Thank you for requesting this! I had such a fun time writing it hehe 🤭.

Tags: @unofficialmuilover

[ingravinoveritas]

After seeing all those stories of Georgia going shopping with David (I'm honestly surprised that David knows how to drive, I don't know why), I think David is fed up with so much video.

@electronic-chocolate @victorianlonging Okay, so...I have indeed seen all of the stories that are referenced here, and I think a couple of things can be true at the same time. But let's first get the visual up for anyone who hasn't seen it (all in one video, for ease of viewing):

The first thought that I had is how reminiscent this was of what we've seen recently, with Georgia filming David when he seemingly really doesn't want to be filmed (such as at that festival last month).

What also came to mind is something I think at least several of us thought of (if my DMs are any indication), which is that David is clearly, visibly annoyed. There's no real way to not notice it, with him looking incredulous in the car (though I did laugh when he said "I'm not dressed for this," given how adorable he looked without even realizing it), and then when she sets the tone by immediately using the word "content." There's no question that that's what the objective of this was: To have content of/with David that Georgia could post to garner attention.

Once they're in the store, we see him balling up the shopping bags in his hands, which to me came across as a sign of anxiety. And given how non-confrontational we know David is, it's almost amazing to hear him respond to Georgia's "Say hi!" with an immediate "Nope." And the whole thing sort of becomes what you might call a self-narrating zoo exhibit (or "self-paparazzi," as I recently heard someone aptly describe it) where David is literally just trying to shop for groceries while Georgia is sticking a camera in his face.

We also notice that at one point, David is recognized by some fans and stops to take a picture with them, which when you think about it is likely a regular occurrence, since he has one of the most famous faces in the country. But because that is the case, you'd also think he would feel a sense of relief when those interactions are over and he no longer has to be "on"...until he goes back to Georgia and she is filming him. And as good-natured as David is, there's no doubt that it must get a little tiring after a while.

All that said--and in the interest of providing a balanced perspective--it is possible that David was playing things up, to an extent, and perhaps even exaggerating some of the annoyance that we saw. And there was something else about this that stood out to me, and that deserves discussion: His shoes...

Yes, David was wearing gay pride Doc Martens. GAY PRIDE BOOTS, ladies and gentlemen and those of other gender persuasions. And when we realize this is the case, everything about this vlog/series of stories starts to gets very interesting. Because while the shoes were by no means the focal point of the Insta stories, Georgia had to know that David's eagle-eyed fans would clock them right away. And clock them they did (and I also noticed this pair of Pride-themed Doc Martens, and would not be at all surprised to learn that David owns a pair of those as well).

Leaving aside the fact that no straight man on this Earth--no matter how strong an ally--would wear those boots (I mean...come on), I almost saw this as a callback/follow up to Georgia's story from a few months ago where she appeared to use "their" pronouns when talking about David (rather than he/him). Much discussion was had at the time of this being a way to "test the waters" for David to start being more open about his sexuality/identity, and this almost feels like a continuation of that.

Having heard from queer followers of mine who are not fully out to their families/friends, it seems that it is not uncommon for folks in that position to wear things to drop little "hints" around people they are not ready to disclose to yet. And when you think about the number of "hints" from the last few months--the nonbinary pin, the pronoun Insta story, David getting emotional talking about Pride Month on that podcast, and now these new Insta stories wearing those boots--it makes you wonder if it's all building toward something.

Whatever the case may be, it's still difficult to overlook how uncomfortable David looked at times in those videos today--even if he was playing things up. For my part, I would genuinely rather never have Georgia post anything about David again than see him in her posts knowing that he is uncomfortable with it. I also agree that her hunger for content seems to be increasing, but I would also like to hope that if David did seriously ask Georgia to stop filming--for any reasons--that she would do so.

So I suppose we'll have to see what (if anything) this all leads to, and what will happen if/when she films him again. Happy as always to hear others' thoughts in the comments...

[bao3bei4]

zine finance and fulfillment

hi everyone. now that i’ve completed the “spending money” part of “yaoi zine 2” (for the most part. i hope nothing gets lost in the mail, although i’ve resigned myself to it), i thought i would make a long boring post about zine finance and fulfillment. this is because people talk about it less than other parts of zine making online. so i hope this will be of interest or use to at least one person.

none of this should be new to anyone who’s ran a zine before, but my hope is to give people who are interested in it some food for thought so that we have more cool zines that i can buy. 

before we begin. a brief disclaimer: i am kind of half-assed about good zine finance hygiene. that is to say, i keep the money in my personal checking account, i don’t have a llc, etc. i do declare zine income on my taxes (i write it almost all of it off, since i only make not-for-profit zines). this is because i am twenty three years old and i have a small scale operation. i recognize and acknowledge that i do not follow best practices, and someone else should write a long boring post about what all best practices entails. 

this post is about how i price my zines, and my workflow for fulfillment. that’s all it is. i hope that it is useful for anyone else trying to cheaply and quickly make and sell maybe 150 zines or so to their friends and followers. 

so i do a sort of stupid model for my zines, which is that i charge a flat rate to send a zine anywhere in the world. this is a stupid model because, in the case of “yaoi zine 2,” the “real cost” of sending one zine to the united states is $11.58. the “real cost” to send a zine to, say, the united kingdom is $24.20. you may notice that this means it actually costs me five dollars and twenty cents every time someone in the united kingdom buys a zine, as i priced the zines at $19 each. this is generally a horrible business model. as i write this now, i am realizing that i really should have made the zines $24, steep as it is. just because yikes. -$5.20. 

but i like doing it this way because it feels fairer. and also because i’m the sole proprietor of “tshirt zines” and i can do whatever i want. i just am commenting that i cannot ethically tell you to adopt this model, since i’ve signed the hippocratic oath. this is because you need to be okay with using your personal funds to cover any losses that you take as a result of this model. this is true for all zines, but like. especially here. 

back to the matter at hand. how did i arrive at that $19 number, knowing that i would lose money on at least some sales? 

there are basically four components i keep in mind: shipping materials (think envelopes, labels, toner for my printer), printing cost (i just call up printers and ask for estimates), shipping cost (i’ll talk more about this in a sec), and stripe fees (.029 * price + 0.30 atm). use a spreadsheet to keep them straight. 

i went over budget on shipping materials because i last minute decided to make little freebie one page zines and burned through a bunch of toner in the process, so we won’t talk about that. this one is simple, anyway. you know how to figure out the price of mailing envelopes.

printing cost. i like working with local printers, if i can. if the zine is too big for me to print at home, but small enough it can be saddle stitched, i’ve worked with lightning press here in the bay area, and keith has never let me down. great guy. for perfect bound zines, like “yaoi zine 2,” i used mixam.com. i wasn’t the biggest fan, quite a few zines came a little bent or warped (this is why you order extra. that and in case they get lost in the mail). keith would NEVER do that to me. i’ve also heard good things about bookmobile, but i was keeping it simple for this printing. dm me if you’ve used them. 

anyway, all told, the price of an individual zine shipped to me, taxes and everything was $6.14. i estimated that it would cost $6.

shipping cost. so since i do aforementioned stupid model, i have to arrive at a number. PERSONALLY. the number i PERSONALLY have arrived at. based on my particular following. after doing five internationally shipped zines, is that i can usually expect 70% domestic orders, 30% international. i guesstimate the weight of the zine by stacking and weighing other zines i have until i get a decent facsimile (NB you should probably just weigh your proof but i wanted to expedite the timeline), and then i check these charts. peep the “large envelope” numbers. 

domestic: https://pe.usps.com/text/dmm300/Notice123.htm#_c037 

international: https://pe.usps.com/text/dmm300/Notice123.htm#_c341

i actually used media mail for my domestic orders, this time, because of the size. so it cost $3.92 to mail one zine domestically, and rounding between all the zones, i guessed that it would cost $16 for most international zines. 

i then did the following equation (0.7 * 3.92) + (0.3 *16) = $7.24

actually i’m lying. i did (0.7 * 3) + (0.3 *12) = $5.70 because i underestimated the weight of the zine so that’s on me. i rounded that number to $6. 

“what about canada” shipping to canada is actually basically the same cost as that mean zine shipping cost. so they don’t actually affect my calculations at all. 

stripe fees. self explanatory. remember them, though. 

anyway. zine price = shipping materials + printing cost times two + averaged shipping cost + stripe fees. 

now, you may notice that i underestimated a lot of things. how did i break even? three reasons. 

first, LUCK! that’s right. my ratio this time was skewed more in the favor of us zines than international zines, about 80-20. who knows why. probably the strong us dollar atm made it cost prohibitive for many people. geopolitics strikes again.

and second, actually i made about $580 profit, that i had to disburse. i was never actually in danger of losing money, because of that “printing cost times two” i skipped over really fast. the purpose of that is to cover printing and shipping free copies for all contributors. i arrived at the number two because 1) according to oomf that’s apparently standard, 2) it’s a nice round number, and 3) if i sold 50 copies (my original lowball estimate of how many i would sell) that was my break even number to print contributor copies.

$580/$12.88 (my actual raw cost of a zine, without stripe fees) = about 45. i had 21 contributors, so after mailing them out zines, i had around $300 profit, or 24 zines worth of it, left. this is where the money for the giveaway zines came from!

third. i also had some profit from selling “yaoi zine 1” again which HADN’T gone over my estimate. because i’d shipped them before. this helped pay me back for all the extra expenses. 

let’s talk about more logistics. i use bigcartel for my storefront because it’s free. that’s literally the only reason why. i use stripe instead of paypal because to make it a business account (and not expose my legal name to everyone) i would have needed to update my account with an id and that would reveal to them that i created my paypal account when i was 13. stripe has no such problem for me. 

i fulfilled orders this time using “pirate ship” because, again, free. in the past i’ve used shipstation + stamps dot com combo, because that afaik is the only bigcartel integrated service that allows you to buy letter mail postage (i want to send them as letters, not packages, because it’s cheaper). but that you have to pay money for, or use the free trial. since i was using media mail this time, pirate ship was good enough for me. 

when all of the zines arrived at my house i began stuffing envelopes and printing labels with the help of a lovely friend. don’t do this alone you EITHER get really bored or you slip into that sports manga ass trance that anyone who’s ever done repetitive labor has experienced and the day blips by. instead i had fun with a friend.

now. there is no way. as far as i know. to buy international letter mail stamps online. this is because you are not supposed to use it for your online store because you can only send things with a value of $0. and they have to be documents. so using them for zines is really skirting legality here unforch. 

WHAT I DO INSTEAD. i go to the closest post office with that pitney bowes machine, and i monopolize it printing postage. yeah. go at an off time. BE PREPARED to annoy everyone else at the post office. let them take turns with you obviously, but there will be some mean old lady who will make a snarky comment about you so stay fucking safe. 

 i think that’s everything i have to explain about my process. go make a zine. and consider selling it. 

[kanerallels]

So I told my sister and a couple other people I would post this, and here it is! Just some ponderings about Kanan in the Hera is a Jedi au that turned themselves into a ficlet. Set mid-season one of SWR, and rated G!

Taglist: @firefoxtessa @day-to-day-thots @auroramagpie @laughingphoenixleader @accidental-spice @heckin-music-dork @opalknight @cassie-fanfics and I'm also gonna tag @xxxcertifiednerdxxx, solely because you're accidentally the reason I wrote this. Feel free to ignore the tag, though! (also if anyone wants to be added or removed from the taglist, DM me!)

“What’s Kanan’s job around here, anyways?”

Hera barely glanced up at Ezra’s question as she removed yet another part from her lightsaber, which lay in pieces in front of her on the worktable in her room. “What do you mean?”

Frowning, Ezra said, “Everyone’s got a role, you know? Zeb is the muscle and Chopper’s the homicidal hacker droid, and Sabine’s the explosives expert, and you’re the Jedi and the pilot and the boss all at once. You’re all really talented, you know?”

A smile hovered at the edge of Hera’s mouth as she picked up a miniscule tool and used it to unscrew another part. “Flattering as always, Padawan. Your point being?”

“Kanan doesn’t really have a role,” Ezra said, watching her work. “Hey— couldn’t you use the Force for that?”

“I could,” Hera agreed, removing the part. “But I like to do it this way.” Setting aside her tool, she finally met Ezra’s eyes. “Why does it matter what Kanan’s role is? He’s here to help us fight, and that’s what’s important.”

“Yeah, but—”

“Someone say my name?”

Ezra and Hera glanced up as Kanan stuck his head through the open door, lifting a curious brow. “Ezra wants to know your role in this crew,” Hera said dryly. “Any thoughts?”

“Oh, obviously,” Kanan said. “Professional chef, and eye candy.” He shot a wink at Hera, who rolled her eyes, before turning to Ezra. “But in all seriousness— I’m whatever we need at the moment. That’s where I do my best work. Speaking of best work, how do enchiladas sound for dinner? I found some of those peppers you and Zeb love so much at the market, Captain Hera.”

“That sounds amazing, love,” Hera said, shooting him a smile as he slipped back out and down the hall. After a moment, she directed her gaze back to Ezra. “Does that answer your question?”

“...kind of?”

Chuckling, Hera said, “Well, if you’re still wondering, why not ask the rest of the crew? They might have some good insight. And you could always try meditating on it.”

“I think I’ll talk to the others,” Ezra said hastily, getting to his feet. Hera looked amused, but gave him a nod before returning to her lightsaber maintenance with laser-like focus.

The first crew member he encountered was Chopper, and Ezra knew better than to bother with him. Not that he’d care, anyways, the droid was crazy. Instead, he headed for the lounge, where he found Zeb cleaning his bo-rifle.

The Lasat directed a frown at him— but it wasn’t his real, “why are you near me do you want to suffer” scowl, just his all purpose “I’m pretending to be grumpy cause it makes me look cool” frown. “Thought you were training with Hera.”

“I was,” Ezra said, dropping onto a crate nearby. “But then I asked her a question—”

“You? Ask a question? Color me real surprised.”

“Ha, ha,” Ezra said, scowling at him. “Listen. I asked her what Kanan’s role was on the ship.”

“Really?” Zeb paused in his cleaning and glanced up, interest flashing through his eyes. “What did she say?”

“Why? Wait— do you not know either?”

“‘Course I know. Just curious about what she said.”

“Sure. Well, she said that it wasn’t important, then told me to ask everyone else. Kanan says he’s whatever he needs to be. Well, first he flirted with Hera, then he said that.”

Snorting, Zeb said, “Sounds about right.”

“So what do you think? What’s Kanan’s role?”

The Lasat shrugged, setting aside a cleaning rag. “Dunno. He’s just Kanan.” He glanced up in time to see Ezra’s scowl, and sighed. “Look, kid. You’re taking this too seriously. It’s not really about roles, anyways. It’s about why we’re here.”

“What do you mean?”

Finally, Zeb set down his bo-rifle. “You know, why we’re fighting the Empire.” He paused, his expression turning uncharacteristically somber. “You know why I’m doing it. And Hera’s pretty obvious, more than just the Jedi stuff.”

“She’s passionate about making stuff right,” Ezra guessed. “Well, what about Sabine?”

“What about me?”

Ezra and Zeb both looked up to see Sabine, carrying a handful of paint-covered rags and looked satisfied with herself. “Kid wants to know what Kanan’s role is, why he’s here,” Zeb said, nodding at Ezra. “Then he asked about you.”

“Seriously?” Sabine rolled her eyes. “Tell me you two aren’t this clueless. He’s here for Hera, obviously.”

“Well, I know that,” Ezra said, feeling himself flush slightly as Sabine ducked into the kitchen and returned without the rags. “But, like, does he have another reason? And what’s his job, you know? He’s kinda just some guy, not a Jedi or pilot like Hera, and not a master warrior like Zeb, or an explosive expert like you.”

“True,” Sabine acknowledged. “But not everyone in the Rebellion has to be as amazingly talented as we are. Most of us have a personal problem with the Empire. Could be Kanan does, too. But why does it matter?”

“I… guess it doesn’t,” Ezra said slowly. “It just didn’t make any sense to me that he’s the odd one out, I guess.”

Sabine shook her head impatiently. “You’re putting too much stock in the “everyone needs to be crazy skills” thing, kid. Look, Kanan’s a great shot, and a decent co pilot.”

“Amazing cook, too,” Zeb offered, and Sabine nodded.

“True. But what’s most important is that he has our backs. He looks out for us, in big ways and little ones. He knows what we need and he makes sure we can do our jobs well. We couldn’t do this without him. Got it?”

“I… I do, actually,” Ezra said. “Thanks.”

Kanan announced dinner was ready around an hour later, and the crew gathered in the lounge to eat. Hera took her usual seat, and Ezra dropped onto a crate nearby. “Did you figure out the answer to your question, Padawan?” she asked him, a hint of amusement in her eyes.

Setting down his fork, Ezra said, “I did, actually.” He paused, feeling the crew’s eyes on him, but Hera nodded for him to go on. “Your role isn’t an obvious one like Zeb or Hera,” he told Kanan, who was sitting opposite them, his plate balanced on one knee. “You’re here to watch our backs and make sure we’re okay, and take care of us. You’re… kind of the glue that holds us all together. Without you, we wouldn’t have made it this far.” He looked at Hera. “Am I right?”

His master was smiling, first at Ezra, and then at Kanan, who seemed surprised. “You’re absolutely right,” she told him. “Well done, Ezra.”

“Not bad, kid,” Zeb said.

Shrugging, Ezra said, “Hey, Kanan said it first— he’s whatever we need him to be. I think that counts, right?”

Kanan let out a chuckle, shaking his head. “Can’t argue there, I guess.” Shooting a wink at Hera, he added, “I still think I count as eye candy, though.”

“Of course you do, dear,” Hera said, rolling her eyes.

[guardian-rocket]

Who are your top 10 favorite muns to write with and why? If a mun is a multimuse also tell which are your favorite characters to write with and why?

(The order in which you list the people doesn't matter unless you want to assign them specific places.)

Question Master

Top 10, here we go... @antvnger Puppy-Mun is the first I am putting on this list first because of all the threads and ideas I've ever had on here the thread I've been doing with them (Space Heist) is the largest single run I've had so far. We actually had an entire 4 part mission and went to Knowhere. I feel like Rocket and Scott made some real progress in becoming friends and I love that. Every post they make is gold. They're nice to their anons and I generally enjoy interacting with them OOC and hijacking their random posts. They're also genuinely funny, which I feel is very important for someone portraying Scott. I already loved Ant-Man but Puppy-Mun makes me adore him even more! They also often tag me and I love that 💕

@byondtheveil Rei-Mun (Birb-Queen) is #1 OC in Rocket's world and my Rocket muse simply adores her. I always look forward to reading her replies and she's a great person to talk to and shoot the breeze OOC. We both love thrifting IRL so it's fun to just spam her DMs about my latest finds. Her character Rei is literally one of the most endearing original characters I've ever come across. She's well thought out and has connected with Rocket in a way most muses can't do. With her I have been able to explore Rocket's comfortability just popping on and off Earth and get some much deserved down time. @papetoonfox Papetoonfox was a RP partner I had many years ago. We haven't interacted much on tumblr but we got a RP going on Discord that I am fully engrossed in. Our conversations OOC often puts me in stitches and we have so much common interest it's so easy to just get lost in our own little nostalgic world of Y2K aesthetics and retrowave vibes. They're also very encouraging with me about my art and they produce some of the coolest music I've heard from anyone I know. I love their portrayal of Fox and so does my muse.

@stripesofbrooklyn They were one of the first to interact with me OOC when I started getting more active again and I feel we check in on eachother both ways pretty regularly I am confident to call them a friend. Our muses have great chemistry together and Rocket always loves hearing from them no matter what strange shenanigan they might be getting into. Rocket fully admires and trusts their Steve and is someone Rocket would go out of his way for.

@spidermanxnoir / @jeff-the-gnome-king First they get super points just for playing my favorite version of Spider-Man (Noir) and our thread which started off without any plotting has turned into one of the most epic adventures my Rocket has ever had. I think Rocket's gotten pretty attached to him as they've gone along and genuinely think he's cool. Looking forward to them retaining an ongoing friendship. Being able to tie or franchises together has been a ton of fun and I think we write beautifully together. Also they're super chill OOC and I love bugging them with my latest ideas. @the-mjolnir-owner This Thor is one of my best friends on Tumblr. They are often sending me posts in my DMs to see about Rocket and Thor and I just love their characterization. We also have a lot of fun discussions about Thor and the Guardians and I feel they capture Thor very well in their writing. Just in general they're an absolute joy.

@butwithmoreme I know our thread is fairly new/short but I literally hear Tony's voice in their writing, it's so damn good. As Rocket's mun I will hold a special place in my heart for anyone who doesn't just write him off for being a little shit. The fact they're being science bros together makes me so happy. @spideymn A big stand-out as a great writer. Sounding repetitive here, but I hear Tom Holland in their dialog and they feel very in character. A shining standout, and my muse likes him because he's a helpful kiddo. Happy to see them interacting together. @beatfreesmysoul They're my #1 music buddy right now, and I enjoy dropping into their DMs to be annoying lol. It's so great to have someone here to talk tunes with because I genuinely am a big music nerd. I love that they send me memes/tag me for that stuff too. As a Rocket RPer I often feel a bit sidelined so they make me feel included on things which I super appreciate. Our thread taking place earlier in the storyline is great too, kinda fun to undo all my muse's character development and let him have 'issues' he needs to work through and I love that we can explore or character's developing friendship.

@gctbusydying I am pretty sure they're my first Kitty Pryde and honestly, worth the wait. Interacting with them feels like we're jumping right out of the comics. I think that Kitty is canonly one of Rocket's favorite ladies and their friendship is important to me. I know I MOSTLY adhere to MCU canon but I've read the comics too (albeit a long time ago) but when it comes to Kitty I'm like -slams fist on desk- FRIENDS. I know we haven't had a TON of interaction but I hope it keeps going.

[theyluvlyss]

/ᐠ-˕-マ~ intro !

𝐡𝐚𝐢...

...and officially welcome to my blog/account ! I like to entertain the thought that I am a girl of many interests, talents, and, most definitely, thoughts. so, this is the place where I get to release and showcase them !

it would be an absolute honor for me to be able to, not only do something I enjoy, but allow any others who'd like to indulge to enjoy as well :). but, be aware, my main skill here is my writing, so that's something you'll see most often.

you (reading this lol) are welcome to explore, and should you have any questions at all, don't be shy in asking. I'm a very open book, so this is a non-judgemental, friendly, anyone welcome and encouraged, safe space :).

to learn more on the topic of myself, you can always check out the about me page. to explore what fandoms I'm in and what I love to run my mouth talk about, then you should go to the heart. if you have any questions by the end, you can always check out the faq's page. Continue reading further down to see how my account operates, and what you can do to make this the best experience for yourself ♡.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ...𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐩𝐚𝐠𝐞

───────── 《 .°•♡•°. 》 ──────────

/ᐠ-˕-マ~ Please respect all boundaries written below or you will be ignored/blocked. Thank you !

𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 -

《 ♡ 》 I will write any and everything for whoever is requested, just as long as it's someone from any of my master/fandom lists. don't be afraid to get creative !

《 ♡ 》 be specific/detailed with your requests, it's a hugely appreciated help🙏🏽. and don't forget to mention whether you want it to be a full imagine, a list of headcannons, a oneshot, etcetc.

《 ♡ 》 you can both request in my inbox or dm (direct message) me, both are fine, and I encourage you not to worry about the length or "absurdity" of your request, for a truly good writer will work with whatever has been given (in my humble opinion). "A writer typically writes what they know." - don't ask, I forgot who roughly said this.

《 ♡ 》 please include in your request if you'd like to be added to any taglists ! every single thing I write for will have/has one, and if you'd like me to add your @, just let me know, and I'll be happy to do so. you will be tagged anytime I upload anything related to the taglist you requested :).

《 ♡ 》 as for requesting anything else (such as edits, collages, profile pictures, etc.), just make sure you let me know what/which characters, a certain/specific mood you might want, details and such like that.

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𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐫𝐮𝐥𝐞𝐬 -

《 ♡ 》 as stated before, I will write whatever I'm asked, but please keep in mind that I am only one person with a life outside of Tumblr. some things may take longer than others, but just know I put full effort and passion into every single one of my works that I do, you have my word. also, real quick; no, this isn't my writing style (the whole "lowercase, small words" thing I do is just for aesthetic purposes, my writing style is different).

《 ♡ 》 I do works for "character(s) x reader", "character(s) x OC" (which, again, please be very specific if you're requesting I do an OC of yours), and "character(s) + reader or OC", the "+" being an indicator of platonic/sibling type relationship rather than romantic. also, don't be shy to spice reader up, too ! I love doing dynamic work :D ! ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ㅤExample: bimbo!extroverted!reader x character!

《 ♡ 》 I do write smut (mainly just for the practice tbh), but please be warned and advised that all characters will be aged up (if not already), no matter the character/fandom, and that I probably won't do anything t o o heavy.

《 ♡ 》 I do NOT ship/write romantic relations with any characters who are blood related, nor will I write for any characters with a significant/concerning age gap between them. do with this info what you will one way or another🤷🏽‍♀️.

《 ♡ 》 I do NOT do song requests. It's fine if you want a musically inclined reader or something, I don't mind. but do not give me a certain/specific song to base a work/request off of. I won't be able to do it, especially should you choose a song I don't like. sorry in advance for this😭.

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𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐨𝐧 𝐫𝐮𝐥𝐞𝐬 -

《 ♡ 》 if you don't like my writing, don't read it.

《 ♡ 》 if you don't like the content I post, block me.

《 ♡ 》 please do not leave any negativity/hate speech on my blog. not only will you then be giving me free reason to cuss you out (teehee) but then I'll get petty and ✨️block✨️ you before you can respond /ᐠ>⩊<マ ! no, but seriously, I don't tolerate any unnecessary/unwarranted hate here, so just run along if that's what you're here to do.

《 ♡ 》 if you have any other questions, please refer to the faq's page. if your question isn't on that page, feel free to put it in my inbox or dm me :).

──────────────

𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 -

I am open to...

《 ♡ 》 constructive criticism/suggestions. I love receiving help on how to improve my work, or just on some cool tips 'cuz tumblr likes to hide all of the cool stuff from me (like changing the font color to something other than the main seven offered /ᐠ-˕-マ...). just be nice/chill about it, please.

《 ♡ 》 meeting new people. I am always down to make new friends, so if that's what you want, I'm happy to indulge ! My dm's are always open for friendship for ages sixteen (16) and up :).

《 ♡ 》 venting. having a tough day? (don't worry, it's been a tough year for me💀). need someone to vent to who won't judge, will listen, and try their best to help/be there for you? you've come to the right girl. again, dm's are always open, so feel free to drop some tea/drama into the chat as if we've known each other forever, and I'll see what I can do to help :)���. remember, you always have one person in this world who cares about you, and if you don't, it means I died lol.

《 ♡ 》 collabing/shoutouts. are you a writer, too? or have an edit you wanna show off, but don't know where to post it? I gotchu', bestie. send it over to me, and if it happens to align with one of my fandoms, I'll happily repost, show off, whatever you need me to do with hella credits to you ! I love to uplift my community, so I will take any chance I can to do just that :).

《 ♡ 》 commissions. on the topic of support, you guys are always free to show some extra love (only if you want, absolutely no pressure whatsoever) to ask for something extra specific under the notion that I receive compensation. prices and deadlines are negotiable, for now, so don't be afraid to ask and see what we can do ♡.

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𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 -

I am not open to...

《 ♡ 》 negativity/hate speech. again, I enforce that you do not leave hate. If you don't like anything I post, block me and/or continue to scroll on and find a blog that does interest you. I post for myself and for anyone who appreciates what I do, nothing more, nothing less. this also includes any unwanted religious mantra.

《 ♡ 》 badgering. if you've requested/asked something, please be patient with me. I definitely saw it (unless stated otherwise) and I'm doing my best to be efficient, but again, life happens. although, checking in is much appreciated and I don't have a request limit. I just mean badgering in the sense that I don't need you cussing me out because I didn't throw up words and/or shit out an edit the second you typed up your request💀😭.

《 ♡ 》 pro-shippers/toxic fanbases. do not bring that shit over here, keep y'all asses away from my peaceful, chaotic good self, and this blog. that's all I have to say. this is your only warning.

───────── 《 .°•♡•°. 》 ──────────

𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐬 : [active] [hiatus] [offline]

𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐬 : [open] [closed]

───────── 《 .°•♡•°. 》 ──────────

𝐬𝐨 𝐲𝐞𝐚𝐡...

...that's all for the introduction ! thanks for reading, and I hope your pillow is cold on both sides, you get your favorite food in the next ten minutes, and that your allergy to cats is miraculously cured.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ/ᐠ^˕^マ~ 𝐛𝐚𝐢 !

[bunbunpawz]

Introduction , I think?

Hello,  Pleasure to meet you, pleasure to see you again if you’re here not for the first time. I am a Jirai Kei girl, with a postivie twist.  I dress Jirai kei, and head out to kabukichou for fun. I don’t really do anything bad (unless you’re one of the people that consideres a half a can of strong zero once in a blue moon to be bad) I try to keep most of my life private, but also share my thoughts. Most of my posts are just me rambling about things I thought about and want to get out there for myself to remember later. I never thought anyone would see my posts but I have somehow gotten followers, and people thanking me once in a while for a post or for my positive approach.  well, I say positive, but it’s more like a not negative? I am very cynical, but I don’t particualrly intend to drag anyone down with me into negativity. I think everyone has plenty of that themselves already.  I was born in ukraine, but migrated to another country at a young age where I had experienced war since I can remember. I also never got to not be a forigner.  No matter where I go I am a minority or a forginer.  I am not native to English, so excuse me if I make mistakes.  I am also a fast typer so I don’t always notice things here and there. I probably have sever depression, but due to circumstances I never got diagnosed with it, therefore I cannot announce it as a fact, even though It is pretty clear. What I have been diagnosed however, Is Avoidant Personality Disorder. No, it does not mean I am A social. Just scared of the world, and people. I am ace, and due to reasons above, and probably plenty others, I have a hard time connecting to people, let alone doing somethign as intimate as dating. Most of the time I am stuck alone with my thoughts. These thougths are what I tend to put out here. occasionally I will talk about Jirai kei, and things revolving around it. I took Jirai Kei as my coping machanism. I don’t drink, smoke or do much things people tend to do to deal with stress, so I think putting my frustrations into a style isn’t very harmful. I just find a connection to like minded people through wearing similar fashion. I don’t encourge any behaviors, but I also will not radically shame you for your coping habits, unless they are harming someone.  My biggest dislike is when someone bothers someone else, and causes them genuine discomfort for no reason, like bullying, or smoking near them when they are clearly appauled by it. I do not find it shameful to have mental issues, and physical signs of it on your body. I feel the need to mention this as one of the most comment things I get told is that jirai kei promotes self harm. I think this is false, I think jirai kei accepts people that self harm and not cause it. It welcomes people and says , it’s okay. even if you have scars you can still wear cute clothes. I don’t have a lot of money, so I can’t afford the cool brands and pretty things. But I try my best to take jirai kei pictures and collect clothes and items, slowly. I also try and help others understand the world of jirai kei from my perspective. Some people come to my page to tell me Jirai Kei is not a real fashion style.  It’s just a slur. And that westerners have taken it and made it into a thing. But the irony of this statement is that, if westerners made it into a thing, then it is now a thing. It has become real. For all of you out there, that DM me that they are jirai kei but cannot come out as jirai kei due to all the hate. Do what makes you happy. Nobody can decide for you how to feel, you can only feel for yourself, and if this makes you happy, and doesn’t harm anyone, then it is not something to be shameful. Come I welcome you into the world of Jirai Kei. And if you’re interested in my thoughts, I hope I have something worth hearing for you to see.  And if you want to tell me something or express something to me, please do! I never know what people think, or if they even see my posts or want to see my posts until they say something. Don’t be shy give it a try :)  Thank you for your support

[lavender-teardroplettes]

Since Saint and Rosie responded- I think it's time for me to type out my thoughts about this situation. I was never really active in the 14dwy community, no. I wasn't in the discord and have gotten a lot of my context through conversations and reading both sides accounts and perspectives through screenshots, yes, but the truth of the matter here lies in two key points to me: This is absolutely a situation that is heavily steeped in the fact that Winndy is autistic and while it is messy and SHOULD have been kept private- that's extremely hard to do when one side started the slander and character defamation and this started when a mod used damning wording in regards to how Winndy left the server. My thoughts are still a little jumbled because of work and wedding planning, but there will be more under the cut. This is just the initial response to the replies you can read below, and I'll be frank in stating that while I've never personally talked with Saint, Winndy and I aren't very close as compared to other people involved and am just coming at this from a dethatched and nuanced point of view with input on how this relates fully back to autism as someone who has gone through similar falling outs due to my own undiagnosed autism.

On both sides, I don't think anyone intended for this to get as big as it did, but here we are. Intentions are funny things and whenever they're brought up I bring up the saying "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." I can understand wanting harmony in your community, wanting to bring up concerns and fix issues within your spaces- but this was not the time to do so, how it was handled on both sides is a clear sign of it. The first fault- really, was having someone sick with covid and not in their right mind to handle such a big undertaking, and the second being one of the biggest issues I have with this whole falling out- Winndy's father just passed. I find it really hard to believe that no one gave that any thought, though I'll give a pass to Rosie for it slipping her mind because again, she had covid, but as a mod myself I find it hard to believe that it wasn't noted anywhere or by anyone else- but that's my personal opinion.

Also, in my personal opinion, Saint should have been the one to handle this from the get go if it was really about hearing it from a friend to soften the blow of- and I'm stripping away the wording used in Rosie's message to tell you how it reads off to multiple people here- what essentially boils down to "Your autistic traits are annoying and you need to change yourself. Why haven't you fixed your behavior that we only brought up to you a year ago (not even if it's only been ~8 months) and haven't had any consistent follow ups or one on one personal dms about since?" You were friends, reminders to use tone tags or an ACTUAL conversation about how Winndy talks about, say, Teo and Ren, would have gone MILES to fix this issue and gentle pushes to engage with other people ocs is what we mean by communication is key. There's such a clear LACK of it that's the real disheartening thing to me here.

Autistic people, more often than not, need constant reminders if something doesn't click in their brain right away- and that can take literal YEARS depending on where they are spectrum wise. It took me until 7th grade to learn long division properly (you start learning in 4th where I went to school) and I was constantly belittled, called the r-slur, shunned- you name it- but one day I got it and it was now the next challenge to learn something that just didn't stick right away like it did with so many other things. The way Winndy socializes in the discords I'm in with them is the same- it's clear that they're autistic as someone who also tends to ramble about my oc. They're our special interest, of course we're going to bring them up when we see an opening and of course we want other people to like them too, but we also maybe get tunnel vision and not even realize that we're being seen as overbearing. We also tend to get comfortable in a space and feel comfortable enough to not have to worry about masking or being "too autistic to handle"- because being told that hurts and kills our joy more than you can ever imagine. A major part of that, in Winndy's case, was that they were in the discord since it started. I understand needing to change rules, or asking for less bullying of characters even in the playful sense- but you're asking someone to completely change how they've spent the last two years intaracting in a space in an instant. What you're expecting from Winndy immediately, without actually putting the work into it as friends and instead only as mods 'treating everyone the same', is almost impossible as an autistic person and it's something that's being overlooked heavily. And again- my focus is on the word Immediately. ~8 months my seem like a long time, but trust me, it's not. You can only change so much in less than a year and, again, it's something that needs to be gently reassured.

Did Winny make people uncomfortable? Sure, I can't really say for other people, but it's something they also are acknowledging and apologizing for. I don't think that it should be considered "running away" when it's clear that they were pushed out of what was once a safe space for THEM first- one that OTHERS who have left have acknowledged that was slowly snowballing into less and less of one even before this situation happened- specifically other ex mods that left for their own reasons and issues they saw within the server as first hand accounts.

I will ask this again since it was ignored- Why do you have an anonymous survey when it's clear that having this option only leads to targeted harassment, and why are you only removing it in your suggestions section when your old mod team from a year ago- not just Winndy- brought up those concerns. And another thing, if you have a 2000+ discord, you should encourage your fan base to create their own safe spaces OUTSIDE of the community server. It's fun to be in one whole big community, but with that number in context it's hard to NOT see this as a targeted hit on one of the most active members you had in your server with the added carried over distain for last year's survey/when Winndy was a mod. THAT'S how friendships burn quickly.

Everyone has every right to their own feelings regarding this, but for just one moment, close your eyes and imagine being Winndy- cleaning out the apartment her father DIED in from an accident, and receiving the messages and responses she did while talking to friends. I would have vented too, I would have pressed my concerns with it too while speaking to FRIENDS I thought I could vent to and actually discuss things with just to get more of an understanding or clarifications even after saying that it wasn't the time, because you know what? The only other thing I'd have to think about was how I LOST my father on top of so many other people like in Winndy's case. This also circles back to autism, because now they not only have the stress of their last rock in this world, but now have all these thoughts about how they act, again, tied back to autism, makes people uncomfortable. It reaffirms that there's something wrong with us, and....just....can you not see how this caused a spiral for them? How there really wasn't anyway else that things would have gone down if not like this? Saint, I'm sorry you lost your cousin- but would that NOT give you more reason to give them more grace in the situation and not send a long winded document that ended with "could you be less selfish?" Let me ask you- where is your empathy? That part was omitted because Winndy didn't want to compare losses and felt like it was too personal to share and not relevant to the post- that's it.

Haaa... I'm going to wrap this up because I could honestly go on for WAY longer in fully addressing how messed up this is, but my last point is the extremely pointed language used from Saint and her mod team. Whatever your intentions were, when you use the language you have as given in both Winndy's edited screenshots and Saint providing them in full- it doesn't make you (the mod team) look any better in my eyes. It comes off as blaming Winndy while also wiping your hands of any responsibility or accountability because 'it's for the greater good of the community' while also trying to play the friend card and lessen the damage that you're feeling due to this falling out bringing up other major issues with your community that have snowballed into what we're dealing with now. Confronting people is always scary, yes, but if you're going to run a community you HAVE to do it and you have to approach things correctly and with caution and respect for everyone involved- no matter if you're friends with them or have underlying negative feelings towards them. And if YOU can't do it, you need people who are actually better experienced in handling tough situations and tense talks. This should have been talked out by ALL the mods and Saint with Winndy in a private chat so all sides could communicate fully, there should have been more one on one dms and frank conversations between everyone involved so everyone was on the right page, I can go on, hindsight is a bitch.

And I WILL be frank here- Winndy isn't ignoring and downplaying the concerns you brought up, the issue lies in the deeper cut that they were disregarded as a friend first. Their trust was broken first, their name was slandered first, but...sure, they're being the hypocrite here when I can see where you (the mod team + Saint) are also being hypocritical, picking and choosing what to respond to both in the reblogs and your rules for your own narratives and your version of the story, and, AGAIN, using extremely pointed language that only adds fuel to the fire. Instead of just saying "we parted ways due to personal issues" you called her a "guilt tripper, hostile, deflective, and avoidant"- how is she supposed to feel getting DMED about it after she left ON TOP of losing another family member in such close time to losing others within the last 2 years.

I'm going to say it again- do better. At least some fault has been expressed on (the mod team's) side, but to call this 'not about autism' or the clear lack of actually communicating between FRIENDS- not just mods- is the biggest lie in this whole situation. And again- Winndy admits their faults, saying that they're not is blatantly ignoring the accountability they take in their statement.

I did not wish to make this, I do not wish to bring bad light to others, so I am doing everything I can in this statement to keep it as vague as possible to grant others the same privacy I should have. But because my privacy was not respected I have no choice but to come forward with this.

If you know what I am talking about, then this is my side of things. If you don't know what I am talking about, then please move on.

(Also to note, I realize what day I am posting this on. This is absolutely NOT a joke.)

To preface this. My dad died suddenly Feb 26th. I cannot begin to detail what it feels like to lose him, after I've lost many others, to try and handle my emotions and grief while also handling the logistics of his belongings and estate, all this while having to write this on top of it. If I come across as intense, this is why. 

I was in a discord server when it first opened. I dedicated a lot of time, energy, art and passion to it. I was even a mod at one point but stepped down due to my own reasons. 

While there, we had an anonymous survey posted to gather information from the community about the server, what we could do to improve, what was liked and so on. Instead, some used it as a means to anonymously complain about members. I was a target of these complaints. 

A quick note. This server was made within a community that has suffered MANY hardships due to anons. Keep this in mind.

One of the rules is that if you have a personal grievance with another member, to try to resolve it through DMs before coming to a mod or to even send in a ticket.

I must be clear; I was NEVER DMed by anyone how I made them uncomfortable. Not once. Nor were these complaints directly messaged to the mods. This was all through the survey (I will touch up more on this later).

I and other staff/mods that used to be on the team suggested we remove the anonymity. It's too risky for it to be abused, because as noted earlier, this community has suffered a lot through abuse from anons. This suggestion was ignored.

Now, I suppose I should say what the complaints were about. I was told I made others uncomfortable due to, and I am paraphrasing here; "talking over others, redirecting conversations back to myself and my ocs, and making too many jokes and insults about characters."

I will also say. I am autistic. What was mentioned are signs of someone with autism. My dad was autistic. I do not bring this up to deflect or excuse anything, merely to give further context.

I want to explain a bit of my process when I interact with others, in this case especially pertaining to an online space.

When I am talking with someone, anyone, I try to be as inclusive and welcoming as I can be. Saying hello, how they’re doing, that sort of thing. But a conversation is a two way street. If I don’t get a reply or any sort of means to keep the conversation going, I move on. That’s just… how talking goes. I can get very passionate in talking to folks, especially friends and things in line with my interests. It’s hard for me to notice if folks are uncomfortable in person, online it is impossible to tell. I need people to tell me directly if I am doing something uncomfortable and what it is, and if I can fix it.

My process for ocs is this: I see someone talking about their oc, they say something that reminds me of one of mine, then I share my oc. This is not to direct the conversation to me, but to share in it, it is in conjunction. I want to learn more of yours and I do that best by sharing mine. I cannot know if this isn't what you want if I am not told. And I wasn't.

I like to make jokes about characters, analyze them, critique them. I try to do this in a way that makes it clear this isn't an insult to those who like the character(s). But again, I need to be told directly by someone if I need to stop or tone it down. I would only be told sparingly by folks, and when I would, of course I'd stop, do my best to tone it down. But again, I was rarely told directly by people.

What is being described as my crimes are simply the experience of being autistic.

I cannot control it. I cannot stop it. I try to be as inclusive, warm and welcoming to all I come across. You do not HAVE to like me. But if you don't, just ignore me. You HAVE to learn to ignore people who you just… don't like. You have to learn to ignore pet peeves or to reasonably talk to the person. That's life.

So, when I received the above message, I was furious. I was at my dad’s apartment, cleaning out his stuff, and dealing with some harrowing emotions when I got this. I responded that getting this was extremely poor timing and yes, I was angry. But the one who sent this KNEW my dad died. They had seen me post about it, they acknowledged it, and still decided to message me. Who wouldn’t be angry?

Because of what I had been messaged, and the timing, I had decided to go to the owner of the server. I did not feel like it was appropriate for a mod, any mod, to message me about something that is a personal issue that folks should have messaged me themselves (and again, it is listed in the rules that things SHOULD be talked out privately between members before a mod gets involved), in a time that has been hell on earth for me.

I explained to the server owner what all happened with my feelings on the matter. I said that regardless, I would leave the server, because this was something that no one, absolutely no one, should experience. I requested for anything I contributed to the server to be removed, for I no longer felt comfortable for folks to use my art who could be the very same ones pettily using an anonymous survey to speak ill of me. So I sent my message, waited, and got a response.

I do not have anything against the server owner, but there are a few things that I must address with their response as well, because some are factually incorrect. There is full admittance to the complaints received through the anonymous survey, most recently at that. This goes counter to the rules stated that members should resolve private disputes amongst themselves first. (Again please note the screenshots of the rules.)

While perhaps not all of the mods knew of my dad’s passing, but enough DID that they should have known better. I posted briefly in the server in a slow thread so it could be better seen by people, including the mods. I had posted on tumblr as well. But the claim is no one saw it. 

Again. This is just not true. Look to the above screenshots.

I do not have a screenshot of when I had sent the message initially in the server of my dad’s passing (I apologize for this), but the point being is that people knew. Another member messaged me in DMs to give their condolences. While I am and have been open about his passing, I also tried my best to not talk too much about it in the server as to bring down the mood, and I sought out the server and talked there as a source of comfort. Saying this was not clear to anyone, is false.

Now, I am sorry that I made people uncomfortable, it was never my intention to, and I will take fault in that. That isn’t what I mean to address in all this. The issue is; if people were uncomfortable, they needed to follow the rules and come to me DIRECTLY stating such, NOT give these complaints through an anonymous survey. And that I should NOT have been told during such an awful period. How can I take this at face value when I am not offered the same?

I wish to point out as well, why I kept bringing up the anonymous survey, and to bring back a note I made earlier.

There is a great deal of falsehood in using an anonymous survey to gather information, when this community has experienced a lot of hardship from anons. I have seen many people torn down and even chased out of this community and others because of people hiding behind anon. Creators, fans, and yes members, mods and even the server owner have all been victim to negativity from anons. 

Now, I also must bring attention to this.

This is a screenshot I was sent of another mod posting, after I left. This is ABSOLUTELY NOT OKAY. This is why I feel the need to make this statement. Giving details like this is completely unnecessary, and with this said after I left is unacceptable.

I am sorry to be redundant, but I truly am sorry if I ever did make people uncomfortable. All I wanted to do was to make friends and share in the joy in creating art and characters with others. To share space in a community with something I truly found enjoyable. It’s why I’d get enthusiastic whenever OC’s were brought up and I’d share mine. I also wanted to share joy in the topic of the server, and yes some of that for me IS making jokes about characters or even giving critique.

I am not saying any of this to bad mouth or slander anyone. I say all of this to express my side of things. Someone who is grieving the loss of their dad, and so many others who came before him that are making me remember now because of his passing.

[ohisms]

↪   𝑻𝑯𝑬 𝑮𝑶𝑶𝑫 𝑷𝑳𝑨𝑪𝑬 𝑺𝟒 .   (  a  collection  of  sentence  starters  originating  from  s4  of  the good place .  adjust  phrasing  as  necessary .  )

wow .  just  ...  wow ,  it’s  perfect .

you  know ,  let’s  keep  this  moving .

reading  lights !  i  love  reading  lights .  they  are  ...  great  for  reading .

it  wasn’t  even  as  bad  as  i  thought .

who  cares  if  he  doesn’t  remember  me ?

wait ,  i  need  to  say  something .

you  NEEDED  to  say  that ?

i  believe  that  we’re  destined  to  succeed .

with  this  team ,  there’s  no  problem  we  can’t  solve .

there’s  no  problem  we  can’t  create .

i  think  you  look  great .

i  know  this  can  be  a  little  overwhelming ,  but  you’ll  get  used  to  it .

okay ,  forget  about  all  of  that  stuff .

none  of  this  is  real .

clearly  i  was  in  some  kind  of  horrible  accident .

i’m  just  gonna  wander  around  until  i  wake  up  or  die .

[ name ] ,  look  what  my  brain  did !

it’s  not  real ,  &  neither  are  you !

i  feel  like  you’re  trying  to  get  under  my  skin .

i .  will .  destroy  you .

we  can’t  wait  any  longer .

stupid  ethical ,  reasonable  argument .

are  you  still  muttering ?

the  human  mind  is  truly  incredible .

you  don’t  need  to  justify  it .  again ,  i  do  it  all  the  time .

his  eyes  were  really  mean .

i  was  scared  [ name ]  was  trying  to  slide  into  your  DM’s .

i  don’t  like  being  scared ,  it’s  scary !

where’s  your  shirt ??

when  you  get  back  here ,  you  won’t  be  anything .

you  will  do  nothing  of  the  sort ,  mon  ami .

that  wasn’t  my  fault ,  i  was  texting .

that  is  so  embarrassing  for  you .

are  you  listening  to  me ?

guys  like  this  believe  the  world  revolve  around  them .

maybe ,  as  a  bonus  . . .  he  cries  like  a  stupid  little  baby .

hey  .  ..  hey ,  can  i  ask  you  something ?

you  have  no  control  over  your  own  impulses .

give  her  some  space .

sure .  i’m  pretty  interesting .

look ,  i’ve  had  my  share  of  disappointments .

okay ,  well .  back  to  the  drawing  board .

we  need  to  bust  him  open  like  a  pinata .

it’s  our  only  move ,  &  we’re  doing  it  tomorrow .

this  chaos  is  clearly  all  about  me .

this  is  the  universe  telling  me  we  don’t  belong  here .

walk  me  through  this ,  i’m  not  sure  i  follow .

figure  it  out  -  get  back  to  me ,  okay ?

i’m  gonna  go  punch  a  wall  with  my  head .

it’s  possible  we  need  a  new  team  leader .

think  about  what  you’re  saying ,  here .

go  ahead ,  speak  your  mind .

i  didn’t  ask  for  this !

[ name ]  can  be  in  charge ,  since  she’s  so  smart .

listen ,   all  we  need  is  a  bouncy  house ,  some  ninja  stars  &  a  bunch  of  ambulances .

did  you  get  it  all  out  of  your  system ?

you  don’t  just  get  to  quit  this ,  [ name ] .

the  things  that  are  happening  here  are  above  my  paygrade .

i’m  not  meant  for  this !   i’m  not  the  freakin’  savior  of  the  universe !

everything  i  do  blows  up  in  my  face .

this  conversation  must  remain  confidential .

[ name ] ,  um .  please  just  let  me  talk .

i  asked  you  to  give  me  some  space .

being  with  you  is  fun  but  it’s  not  always  easy .

why  don’t  we  just  take  a  break ?

you  tricky  devil !  very  clever .

why  did  i  come  up  with  this  idea ?   this  is  gonna  hurt  real  bad .

everyone  has  people  that  they’re  cosmically  bound  to .

i  thought  it  was  prudent  to  let  you  know .

oh  boy !  i’m  getting  a  stomachache .

to  be  fair ,  i  only  think  that  cause  it’s  true  &  i’m  right .

if  none  of  this  is  real ,  then  it  really  shouldn’t  matter .

what ?  none  of  this  is  real .  it  doesn’t  matter .

i  mean ,  what  do  you  have  to  lose ?

it’s  arguable  that  you  made  an  even  bigger  sacrifice .

come  on ,  bud ,  i  know  you’re  down  but  you  can’t  leave  me  hanging .

must  be  nice ,  [ name ] .

i  have  a  ton  of  experience  making  ex-boyfriend’s  lives  miserable .

judge  me  if  you  want ,  i  get  results .

i  just  feel  like  i  need  this .

you’re  allowed  to  feel  a  little  angry .

we  have  a  lot  of  work  to  do .

anyone  interested  in  a  status  report ?

you’ll  have  to  trust  me ,  this  is  a  huge  step  in  the  right  direction .

it’s  been  a  tough  couple  weeks .

your  time  begins  NOW .

sorry ,  i  was  just  trying  to  figure  out  where  to  start .

let’s  clear  our  brain  ...  watch  a  movie ?

whoever  you  are ,  show  yourself .

what  do  you  want ,  creep ?

[ name ]  i  need  to  speak  with  you  alone .

sit  there  quietly  until  we  sort  all  this  out .

[ name ] ,  you  have  to  believe  me .

i’m  gonna  make  [ name ]  think  i  don’t  trust  you .

i  like  the  way  you  think ,  [ name ] .

if  you’re  a  devil ,  how  come  you’re  not  wearing  prada ?

what  are  you  gonna  use  it  for ?

if  you  ever  wanna  talk ,  just  know  i’m  here  for  you ,  girl .

i  just  feel  like  i  made  the  world  a  little  bit  worse .

starting  over  sounds  exhausting .

we  have  to  start  over .

there’s  literally  nothing  i  can  say  that  will  make  you  realize  i’m  really  me .

i  wish  i  were  saying  this  in  difference  circumstances ,  but  ...  keep  it  sleazy .

sometimes  the  only  thing  a  bully  understands  is  a  punch  in  the  mouth .

sorry ,  i  should’ve  told  you  -  i  just  decided  to  stay  home .

so ,  what’s  my  first  clue ?

oh  no  ...  oh ,  that’s  not  good .

this  part  of  your  plan  seems  risky .

this  wasn’t  part  of  the  plan .

you  made  things  difficult  in  a  new  way ,  but  i  can  make  it  work .

i’m  just  not  a  new - experience  kind  of  guy .

my  comfort  zone  is  the  size  of  ...  that  chair .

do  you  trust  me ,  [ name ] ?

you  had  this  the  whole  time ?

you  told  me  i  should  wait ,  so  i  did .

i’m  not  scared  of  you .  because  i’ve  gone  there ,  [ name ] .

i  can’t  believe  i  almost  missed  all  this .

hey ,  you decided  to  come  after  all !

you  got  through  it .  i  almost  ruined  it  a  hundred  times .

when  i  said  ‘ throw  a  party ’  i  didn’t  mean  a  pity  party !

i’ve  had  to  scrape  &  claw  my  way  through  life .

you  never  learned  to  think  on  your  feet !

i  want  to  learn  how  to  do  something  meaningful .

that  must’ve  been  hard  for  you  ...  to  go  back  there .

i  don’t  like  to  think  about  who  i  used  to  be .

almost  everything  i  do  i  do  without  thinking  or  worrying  what  will  happen .

let’s  dance ,  baby .

ugh !  can  you  just  skip  to  the  end ?

just  tell  me  how  they  screwed  up ,  &  put  me  out  of  my  misery .

this  feels  like  some  sort  of  goodbye .

how  was  that ?  did  i  cheer  everyone  up ?

face it ,  [ name ] ,  you  lost .

people  improve  when  they  get  external  love  &  support .

you’ve  already  given  me  so  much .

earth  is  cancelled .

it’s  not  two  of  us ,  it’s  all  of  us .

step  one ,  get  a  plan  ...  step  two ,  do  the  plan .

if  we’re  gonna  pull  this  off ,  we  need  [ name ]  back .

you  think  that’ll  go  well ?

everything  always  has  to  be  your  way !

how  dare  you  bring  that  up  again ?

every  problem  has  an  answer .

not  that  old  story ,  it’s  so  embarrassing -

we  have  to  break  up .

why  are  we  together ?

where  i’m  from ,  most  things  blow  up  eventually .

by  the  way ,  i  wasn’t  cheating  before  ...  or  eavesdropping  just  now .

this  has  been  fun ,  as  always .

there’s  a  real  possibility  that  i’m  in  love  with  you .

if  soulmates  do  exist ,  they’re  found .  not  made .

turns  out  life  isn’t  a  puzzle  that  can  just  be  solved  one  time  &  it’s  done .

can  you  give  me  a  second ?

i  don’t  know  if  i’ll  see  you  again ,  or  ...  what  i’ll  remember  if  i  do .

the  words  are  nice ,  but  the  tone  is  scary ?

i  know  you .  &  i  love  you .

eventually  we’re  gonna  be  together  forever .

it’s  better  we  just  rip  the  band-aid  off .

forgive  me  if  i’m  a  little  skeptical .

i  had  a  lot  of  time  to  think .

if  things  are  going  to  change ,  i  have  to  change  along  with  them .

i’m  an  artist ,  which  means  ...  it’s  my  job  to  be  scared .

oh  no ,  i  knew  it .  you  hate  me  now .

you  essentially  had  to  raise  yourself .

okay ,  so  ...  you  still  love  me ?

yeah ,  we’re  very  different ,  but  we  already  knew  that !

there’s  no  one  else  i  wanna  be  with .

what  do  you  want  from  me ?!

i  know  you’re  upset ,  you  have  a  tell .

i  don’t  see  any  version  of  eternity  where  you  don’t  get  bored  of  me .

this  is  not  working ,  you’re  bad  at  this .

wow ,  same  old  [ name ] .

first  of  all ,  you  know  what  ...  uh ,  shut  up !

honestly ,  [ name ] ,  i  don’t  know  what’s  to  become  of  you .

i’m  sorry  i  said  that ,  before .

she  knows  you  &  loves  you ,  &  that’s  all  that  matters .

against  all  odds ,  i  know  what  you  mean .

i’m  sorry  that  i  kicked  you  out .

it  wasn’t  about  you .

i’m  not  gonna  let  myself  be  degraded  by  you  again .

i  took  you  for  granted ,  &  that  was  wrong .

i  can’t  have  any  of  your  dingleberry  stink  on  me .

so ,  uh .  i  was  being  stupid .

i  thought  i  got  rid  of  you .

my ,  my ,  my  ...  we’ve  got  some  history ,  don’t  we ?

it’s  real  this  time ,  i  promise .

might  as  well  do  some  traveling .

[ name ] ,  i  have  been  training  for  this  day  my  entire  life .

what  time  is  it ?

i  made  dinner !

real  talk ,  it  didn’t  go  great .

i  could  never  forget  you .

remembering  moments  with  you  is  the  same  as  living  with  them .

can  you  just  remember  the  happy  times  &  forget  the  bad  stuff ?

you  are  my  role  model .

you  have  a  rockin’  bod .

don’t  sell  yourself  short ,  [ name ] .

[ name ] ,  i’m  gonna  miss  you .

i  don’t  want  to  leave  you ,  but  i’m  ...  ready  to  leave .

i  was  alone  my  whole  life .  i  told  myself  i  liked  it  that  way ,  but  i  don’t .

i  like  being  with  you .

meet  you  at  the  restaurant ?

i  owe  it  to  you  to  let  you  go .

i  was  never  good  at   being  sad .

none  of  this  is  bad .

i  need  you  to  do  me  one  last  favor .

say  goodbye  to  me  now ,  &  leave  before  i  wake  up .

your  system’s  working  perfectly .

thank  you  so  much ,  [ name ] .

care  to  join  me  for  a  bit ?

the  true  joy  is  in  the  mystery .

do  you  mind  if  i  stay  here  until  you’re  gone ?

[time-variance-archive]

Sorry, I haven't made posts of my own for a while, mainly because I am a bit tired when I come back from work and I don't find the creative energy or the self discipline to do basic ressearches. My next posts include references to Henri Bergson's Time and Free Will, and watching a few more online classes about the Eddas and historical knowledge of the Norse myths.

But recently I got caugh in a very interesting conversation (tw for heavy topics) and while I don't want to include myself in the thread, I want to make my own post it.

I'm not sure where to begin, because violence in fiction is a very complex topic that have been discussed since humans make up stories. I don't have any moral ground to hold there and I think everyone's feelings and opinions on the matter have a value. I am not one of those poeple who scream against "antis" all day, because "anti" is a word that can mean anything and nothing at once (okay, I use it occasionally, always for specific situations like anti-Sylki, anti-Lokius, anti-series... it's just an easy way to name the sides of an argument). I think it's a mere courtesy to respect other poeple's triggers and emotional response, as well as their argumentation.

I think a good text to read on the matter is Aristotle's Poetics, but I am too lazy to look at anything else than the Wikipedia page and my few memories from college.

I think a good part of the "fandom wank" comes from an opposition of a Platonician and an Aristotelian approach of fiction. Some poeple take fiction as a symetrical imitation of the real world while other people read fiction in a more metaphorical way. I don't think any of those sides are better, especially because not all fiction is meant to be consumed the same way. I would say it is not appropriate to watch historical fiction the same way we watch fantasy.

Anyway, sorry if I'm rambling, I'll come to the point discussed here : does Mobius' interrogation methods qualify as torture, and is it appropriate within the narrative of the show ?

As @iamanartichoke said, fiction is subjective to a certain point and I agree. I've been talking about the time loop scene with several poeple in DMs and we confronted our perception of the scene, and how it clashes with the answers of @lucianalight and @tori-artemis.

I think a lot of poeple, me including, percieved the time loop scene as a memory loop, aka, not Loki being repeatedly beated by Sif, but Loki experiencing a memory of being repetedly beaten by Sif. It's not a big nuance, but it changes the whole meaning of the scene.

By putting the emphase on the memory aspect, the scene becomes an introspective moment. What matters here is how Loki reacts to the memory and how it shapes his character journey. After the first loop, Loki mocks the choice of memory, saying "I never thought about it again, because it was just a little fun". It takes him a few loops to come to the realisation he has hurt Sif, and to apologize. Interesting part, his apologies worked, even in a memory, and fake-Sif tells him "you have always been alone and you will always be."

What I understood of this scene is that sometimes, we have to think over and over about a past event to take a lesson from it. I think we've all been Loki there, remembering a morally dubbious deed with fondness or indifference. Wasn't it funny when we pranked the poor math teacher and they lost their temper ? Here, Loki comes to an important realisation : one of the reasons why he's been alone is because he was seeking attention the wrong way. It's only by admitting his wrong that he can take something out of the memory.

Note that my interpretation is purely doylist : the time loop scene serves as a visual metaphor for introspection. This is not an admission that Mobius was right or Loki deserved it, because I am in no way a TVA apologist. My feelings for Mobius are complex and I keep that for another post.

I hope I'm not offending anyone with this post, I am not interested in discourse at all and I have no claim that my interpretation of fiction is more valid than anyone.

@iamanartichoke @lucianalight @tori-artemis @rollychan @acertifiedmoron

[kaia-art]

------‘The Love that bind us’ ------ … ‘There is the scent I have longed for so long. I’d know you anywhere. Even here. You know’ The beautiful flute sound that was playing behind him began to fade as Glorfindel snapped back to reality. Reality. How could it be when the person he loves the most in this vast world. His fea-mate, who only left him by dying many millennia ago, was sitting right behind him. ‘Ethelë...’- was all he could mange to say. It could not be again some figment of his own imagination, or perhaps a dream but not likely. This was something different. This atmosphere was so real for him to dare call it a dream but he set those thought aside. He could not care no more because his Ethelë was here and that was all that matters... ‘What are you doing here?’ his voice weakened, wavered ‘Watching your back of course. As I have always been doing. Your look wonderful, my heart.’ ‘How could you tell? You have not looked at me, still...’ ‘Lord Námo often shows me the life you having there. I see Eärendil’s son has grown up well. You are doing great things’ He continued on ‘I am very proud of you. You are our hero.’ Glorfindel’s chest ached and whatever was left of his cool collected thoughs and control, gave way. It was one rare moment of weekness that he has never let anyone see. Except for his Ecthelion ‘Ethelë I ...I never wanted to be everyone’s hero. I...I am just an ellon trying to stay sane everyday remembering his lost love ones. Eru knows how much I missed you and sometimes I had to remind myself that this would not be last forever. In the end the dark forces will lose the war, Elrond’s line would be safe, and I would not need to bind myself with this duty any more. Then finally I could come back to you. It's always been your heart that I ever wanted to bind with. I...I...’ ‘shh hush love, of course you are always my beloved. You always were, and you shall be my love, my everything. And I shall wait for you beyond the sea, when this all ends, just come back to me.’ Still have not look back but Ecthelion’s words always have the power to soothe his soul like nothing else ever could and suddenly, it was almost like they’re back to the good old days, when they used to spend time together without talking much, just being in each other company was simply enough. For now, it was more than enough. ------------------------------------------ Well just another real shot headcanon of Glorthelion that I recently came up with. I always believe that Ecthelion could somehow communicate with Glorfindel in the world that was created by their love bond in their time of need. What could I say... There are so few Glorthelion Fanarts to I will do my best to change that. Glorthelion is my kink ------------------------------------------ Commission is Open. If you are interested do feel free to dm me for commission work. Also, I’m selling high quality version of every artwork. See my other Silmarillion artwork HERE Twitter https://twitter.com/sakurainguyen Payment method: PayPal (for overseas orders only). Other methods are possible but only for domestic orders from Vietnam **Please inbox or email me for details (sakurainguyen96@gmail.com or baokhanhnguyenjp@gmail.com) Please do not repost my art without permission.

[shirophantomvox]

Analyzing Killua Zoldyck's Character

Illumi Analysis| Hisoka Analysis| Chrollo Anaysis|

What’s up y’all?! I’ve had at least 2 cups of coffee this morning and I am ready to write my butt off! This post will be about Killua Zoldyck, my second favorite character and you will know why by the end. If you’d like me to write about your favorite character, Be sure to send me a message and I will get on it ASAP.

Here we go!

I saw Killua for the first time on Tumblr. Someone created various icons for several anime characters and edited them. They were all aesthetically pleasing but for some reason, his picture stood out. Now that I look harder, it is because he was holding a Pepsi can instead of the off-brand one they drew for him in the cartoon. I noticed everyone on TikTok and Twitter had the very same icon as their profile picture (usually those that like to troll and say racist things to others). Once I started watching Hunter x Hunter, I realized the character immediately. Thank you for your edits!

Killua Zoldyck is the youngest child in the family and is the only child that developed a mind for his own.

Instead of taking the pleasure of killing, he runs/avoids and achieves this by becoming friends with Gon. It’s interesting to think that no one in the Zoldyck family wants to kill for fun except for Illumi.

I remember Zeno telling Chrollo: “Do you think I enjoy killing?”.

This makes me think that the family’s job is to destroy enemies that are a threat to society. Are the Zoldyck’s taking on the role of cops or an extension of such? If that statement is true why does Illumi take pleasure in abusing his power when his own grandfather only does it when criminals are involved? Granted, Silva and Zeno’s reasoning for brutally fighting criminals isn’t legal, and (to me) are considered to be vigilantes, at least they don’t go around doing the horrible things like how Illumi and Hisoka do.

This very reason why Killua ran away from home. He decided to rebel against his mother and implied: “Fuck you. I’m going to do what I want.” Killua and his siblings are victims of child abuse and show that they deal with that abuse in different ways. Killua masks his abilities in public and tries to keep them under control, Kalluto seems to be very quiet and obedient, Milluki is just as abusive as Illumi, and we already know about Illumi. Milluki is physically abusive; this can be seen when he is whipping Killua for running away and threatens to destroy Gon, Kurapika, and Leorio while Illumi plays mind games on Killua and uses his Nen to do the trick.

Killua’s character is very special and in a way takes the lead as the main character instead of Gon. I don’t know if that was intentional or not. Killua is a 12-year-old boy who leaves home to escape his abusive home and see the world for his own. During phase 1 of Hunter’s Exam, he instantly clicks with Gon; probably because he’s the only 12-year-old there. They constantly challenge each other to see who will win and who will buy dinner or some other reward. Because of his abusive home, Killua often masks his feelings. This is noticeable every time Gon talks about him being his best friend and he always reacts as if he’s embarrassed by it.

Gon is his shield from going bat-shit crazy like his family. They both have faced opponents (like Hisoka and others) where Killua could have unleashed his assassin abilities but didn’t. Yes, some of the opponents are stronger than him, but it wouldn’t hurt to try.

Killua is the best friend Gon could ever have. Since he knows about aura and any supernatural abilities, this is why he stops Gon and even insults him for pushing himself too far. Killua stopped Gon from using too much aura in the past especially once Kite’s arm was cut off by Pitou. Because Killua wasn’t there to stop him when fighting Pitou, this resulted in Gon’s downfall. Did Killua believe it was his fault that Gon almost died? He isn’t responsible for Gon’s actions but he focused so much on running away from his “demons” and masking his temper by maintaining his friendship that he wasn’t paying attention to Gon’s noticeable and developing temper.

Killua Zoldyck is a child that suffered from abuse and to escape that reality, he runs away, takes Hunter’s Exam only to match with his brother, chooses defeat, and then kills an opponent, not of his own free will.

But wait, there’s more.

After being rescued from his prison of a home, he goes to Heaven’s Arena, met Zushi and his teacher, develop Nen, follows the Phantom Troupe around and somehow managed to survive that, meet Bisky, join a game to get closer to Ging, witnesses Gon disappearing, trying to form a relationship with Alluka, and then tries to heal Gon with a quickness.

Whew, chile!

At the beginning of the show, it appeared as if Killua was taking on too much and only did so to keep his mind off what he escaped from.

One thing to point out is Killua’s motivation to heal Gon no matter what. It is implied that he doesn’t care what will happen to him or anyone else as long as Gon can live again.

Wait.

Isn’t that along the lines of what Gon said about getting revenge for Kite? He didn’t care about what happened to him? Hmmmm. I guess they’re very similar after all!

Killua and Gon are BFFs and will do anything for each other. Friendships in real life should be this way; let’s follow his fictional example.

Face

Killua’s face is the typical shape for someone his age. His eyes are wide, as blue as the morning sky, and honestly, I wish he’d smile more. Even though he is 12 years old, he still has a babyface.

Hair

Killua’s hair color is very similar to Princess Allura’s and Lotor’s. According to verywellmind.com, the color white represents innocence and purity. Ironically, Lotor and Killua are the opposite of that while Allura has maintained her innocence. Killua’s unique hair color and hairstyle are amazing! I love how it stays in shape while he is fighting or running.

Clothes

Regarding clothes, he is JUST like his brother. Again, Illumi irks me, but they both have a great taste in fashion. Through the show, Killua changes his clothes more than Gon, which is funny. I guess if Gon changed his clothes too much it would take away from his character. Killua’s default style contains a sleeveless white shirt with a purple one underneath, basketball shorts, and gym shoes. Just look at these outfit changes! This is why Killua is my 2nd favorite character in this show.

Behavior

As stated before, Killua cares more about others. This is ironic because the Zoldyck family only cares about themselves or their family while Killua feels the complete opposite. It’s almost as if he trusts strangers more than his own family. A common phrase: “She/He turned to the streets” that I’ve heard in my hometown can be applied here. Killua probably hates his family and turned to strangers to find love and comfort since they neglected that. He is also the only one that tries to develop a relationship with Alluka. At first, I thought “Wow he’s only developing a relationship with her to heal Gon” but then I realized it was bigger than that. Alluka has been separated from her family because of her dangerous abilities. She will demand something and if that person doesn’t fulfill her demands, they will suffer horribly. Killua learns that Alluka has a healing ability and while Illumi complains that Killua was hiding rules from him, he never took the chance to talk to him about it and continued to threaten Alluka. The family “banished” her to a confined room for who knows how long because, apparently, she had been possessed by a demon from the Dark Continent and they do not know when it happened. Despite knowing that Killua could parish with the rest, he still develops a relationship with her. He is the true example of excepting someone for who they are. As far as I’m concerned, running away was the best decision he made. It saved his life and in return, he’s going to save another. I do find it ironic that something considered to be so dark has the power to bring something back to life when usually it’s something bright like a light...interesting. You all know what I’m saying. Most television shows only portray angles to heal others while demons only seek to destroy. The Zoldyck family is wrong for pushing Alluka away. How could you do that to your own kid? Shit, you should be blaming yourself for not watching her and allowing the demon to posses her.

In conclusion, Killua is my second favorite character. He is bold, loves his friends, and isn’t afraid (anymore) to step up to people he may not win against. His character has blossomed from a young boy afraid to step up to his brother to a boy who isn’t afraid to do so. He has learned about Nen and has gone through many trials and tribulations just to say he is much stronger than before. What characters would you like to hear about next? Send me a DM!

Fin.

[kekoma]

— semi as your boyfriend.

can’t imagine not crushing on this man. hope you enjoy.

many many thoughts with this man.

so many that it hurts in good way.

first of all, semi MOST LIKELY named one of his guitars after you.

and i’m not talking about some ordinary guitar that he may occasionally play or anything— nah, i’m talking about the most expensive one that’s gorgeous.

takes the utter most care of that guitar since he plays it often and no one is allowed to touch it.

def learns the songs you like and covers them because this man has bomb ass vocals. i said what i said and won’t take it back.

or he just plays the melody, asking that you sing instead (if you’re up to it)

when semi isn’t covering/playing songs for you then he’s writing them about you.

you’re his sole inspiration for most of the songs he ends up creating and you’re also the first one to hear it before anyone else too.

also something to point out— he creates most of those songs during the night when you’re around.

semi knows most late nights can pull out the strangest topics but it can also open you and him up at the same time when it comes to emotions.

so he’ll be staring at you from his computer chair with his guitar resting on his lap, listening precisely to every word that slip pass your lips as you laid on his bed; rambling about your emotions and how you’re thankful that the universe has put you two in the same timeline.

suddenly he starts strumming a soft tune that makes you feel like you’re floating and turning those words you said not too long ago into something lyrical, something that you two will understand but those that hear it would need to decipher (because there’s no way he’s making it easy for outsiders to understand)

AND if you know a few things about music, can sing well from taking lessons/taking a chorus class in school and/or play an instrument then semi is going AWOOGA 😍 

def can see him wanting to collab with you or asking if you could be his hidden vocals/use your voice in general (meaning he would ask you to record a fake voicemail or say his name a certain way so he can put it in the song)

although if you aren’t comfortable with that concept then he understands and won’t push you to do anything.

whew let me move on because i could literally go on and on about this man being musically talented.

anyways, semi def creates a bunch of playlist for you. 

each one having a description for why it was made and the feeling he wants to give off with it.

something i feel like he may also do is send over songs he currently listens to and says you should listen to it too so you both feel more connected.

BUT really stepping aside from music.

he’s extremely caring and respectful towards you.

truly studies you, making mental notes about everything and makes sure he avoids cause any discomfort.

when it comes to caring— semi semi here might go out his way to show you through his actions if he feels his words and physical touches may not be enough.

i’ll say he’s a bit clingy— dude loves being around you no matter what.

for sure invites you to his volleyball practices and games.

you’re his lucky charm and he enjoys the thought of knowing you’re supportive of him when it comes to volleyball.

also he’s supportive of anything you do as well, even shows up to your events too (but if it clashes with a volleyball then he won’t be able to go obviously but he makes it up by ordering food in and asking you to tell him all the details about what happened)

now i briefly brought pda earlier and its about that time to talk about it... does eita like it?

yeah he does but it’s not very common in public.

the best you’ll get from him is holding hands, small pecks on the lips/cheeks and ONCE in a blue moon will he wrap his arms around you from behind.

there’s no real reason for why he’s like that but hopefully you’re understanding.

now in private; he does a bit more pda. kisses become a bit more frequent, won’t pass up the chance to hold you in his arms through cuddling or whatever.

side fact: semi definitely likes when you’re in between his legs, your back pressed against his chest and the guitar would be settled on your legs— basically teaching you how to play (if you ever asked him to)

“where do i place my fingers next?”

“right here... you’ll bring your pinky up a bit but keep these two fingers on the the second fret.” he’ll carefully move one of your fingers just to put them in the correct place.

“then you’ll strum. i’ll let you try it without my help this time.”

literally would smile when you do it, finding himself falling deeper in love with you than before.

semi adores that you’re willing to learn something he’s very passionate about it and appreciates you for even taking the time for it when you could do other things.

vvv soft and we stan that here.

moving on— lets talk about nicknames really quick.

drumroll please 🥁🥁🥁 

top nicknames: my melody/melody, love, angel and occasionally he’ll toss in lotus along with bambi. 

had to keep it cute and interesting <3 semi isn’t going for the basics.

something to mention, we’ve all seen the way he dresses in casual clothes... now you can either a) hype him up about his clothes to the point he’s no longer concerned about how tendou says he looks uncool or b) help the boy out with his style just a bit. all up to you cutie.

heh now let me discuss dates right because whew~ dates with this cutie? hits deliciously.

of course most of the dates are music related so tickets to a concert is on there, going to certain places (such as a park with others and a little picnic set up) to see free performances from new/upcoming artists and etc.

“that last set was actually good, don’t you think so melody?”

“yeah~ i liked the emotions the singer had in her voice. it really connected with me but what do you think?”

“same thing as you. however, did you notice how they had a shift in the cords that created the perfect harmonic? and it wasn’t completely soft too.”

“now that i think about it, my ears didn’t catch on the first time but yeah. oh look! the next act is going up~!”

but when he isn’t dragging you out for that then he mainly takes you out for a drive/walk around the city, cafes, those karaoke places that also serves food, shopping and stay-at-home dates which he tries his best to make them fun (there’s probably more but im just naming a few here)

dates are normally chilled with him and always fun so we loving it.

bonus: semi FOR SURE has you as his lockscreen. no doubt about it.

he loves waking up to your picture in the morning or even checking the time because he gets to see how adorable his love is.

also on his sns (instagram mainly)— he has a highlight called ‘me and my melody 🎶🤍’ which is filled with a bunch of pictures of you two together.

the pictures are so cute that they end up on Pinterest and everyone starts  spamming your dms with “so 👀 does your boyfriend have any siblings?”, “can you drop a tutorial on how to get a fine boyfriend like yours?”, “ayo 😳 think i can have him on the weekends and you get him for the weekdays?” and much more crazier things we won’t mention here.

another bonus: probably sings you to sleep if you’re having trouble sleeping. don’t try fighting me on this because i won’t allow it.

ANYWAYS, to conclude this before i have complete semi brainrot— dating this man is a 10/10 and it’s worth it.

we love semi eita over here <333

© all content belongs to kekoma 2020. do not repost, modify or translate.

[kenmasgameboy]

chapter 18: my girlfriend.

previous…next

masterlist

kuroo tetsurou came into y/n’s life when she needed him to fuck it up the most.

a/n: this chapter is an intense one, i put the trigger warnings that i could think of below. if i ever miss anything please feel free to send me a dm or an ask, i’m also always looking forward to your guys’ comments and asks, please don’t forget that i always read them. i want this to be a safe place for everyone :)

trigger warning: bullying, cursing/vulgar language, and violence (smacking, stepping and spitting). anxiety.

╭⋟─────────────────────╮

Your book is dripping wet, the pages turned to a fragile paste and falling apart at the touch. Your hair was wet, buckets of water had been prepared just for you. In your honor, four older girls had decided to go out of their way to prepare a bucket of water to dump all over your head.

“What did we tell you?” Their leader, Yui, kicked you in the stomach. “I thought we were very clear yesterday that you cannot talk to Kuroo-san.”

“And then you walked home with him!” One of the other girls spoke, but at this point their voices meshed together in your head. You tried staring at a paint chip on the ground to try and keep your cool.

I will not cry, I will not cry, I will not cry.

Your face was pulled off the rough pavement to face Yui’s face by your hair. The beautiful girl holds a fistfuls of your hair and you can get a good look at her this way. She really was gorgeous, she had long hair that was dyed a beautiful blond. You could hardly tell her bright blue contacts weren’t real since they fit into her soft features so well. Her makeup was nothing short of flawless, blending perfectly into her skin that made her look effortlessly beautiful. She looked like an idol, an angel in stood front of you, it was a striking contrast to her harsh words she’s given you over the last week.

“And now he posted about you, too! I told you that Kuroo-kun was mine. I should’ve said something weeks ago when I saw him talk to you here.” Yui stomped her foot, “Don’t you dare lie either, I saw him at your shoe locker this morning.”

“I’m not going to lie.” You said, your voice coming out much quieter than you thought. It was cold outside, and your clothes were wet. You didn’t even want to think about your white shirt.

“Good girl.” Yui smiled, “Now let’s talk about arrangements. Since you obviously didn’t listen yesterday. And I’m what they’d call Kuroo-kun’s guardian angel. I’ve always protected him from skanky bitches like you, who aren’t interested in Kuroo-kun for anything beyond what he can do for you. It’s not my first time, and it won’t be my last either. I love Kuroo-kun more than any of you and I’ve been at this a lot longer than you.”

What the hell is wrong with you?

You were cursing at her in your head, every bit of anger poured from your veins and forced you to clench your fist. This girl was pissing you off to no end, nobody was around at this point. Your fear of shyness being easily overwhelmed by the anger of being controlled.

A part of you selfishly wished that Inuoka or Kuroo would enter this scene right now and intervene. But they couldn’t fix this for you. They weren’t always going to be with you. And you weren’t someone who was going to be smacked around by these girls anymore. This girl must’ve been the one that started those rumors about you that forced Kuroo to intervene for you. You didn’t want anyone to have to do that for you.

“Kuroo-san would never like a girl like you.” You said. You would be proud to know your face never wavered as you spoke. Your voice had only a slight shake, the only tell being the shakes of your hand. Every word granted you a half ounce more of confidence.

“Do you want to say that again, dog?” She stepped on your hand with her foot, all her spite being aimed at you.

“What? I told you I wasn’t going to lie.” You kept your face plain. She spit in it and threw you down. You wiped the disgusting vile away with the back of your hand.

“Keep talking! See what happens.” This was a bet you’re willing to take.

“You’re a very pretty girl. But you’re mean, petty, vengeful, controlling and most of all an idiot if you think I can control how Kuroo-san feels. It’s not my fault he likes me. And if you really liked him, you should want him to be happy, but instead you try to block him off from anything that’d do that.” You said it all while she hardly listened, yawning as you spoke. 

“Are you done?” She asked, you groaned in response. God she was so annoying.

She smacked you.

“You’re going to act like you know him after a few weeks? I’ve been in love with him for three years. He always has doted on me before you got here, he tutored me, gave me parts of his lunch, and he even gave me his jacket when I forgot my umbrella. Every third year girl knows that he’s mine. He’s too mature for younger girls like you, especially ones with their head in the clouds and nose in a book. You don’t even interact with anyone! What’s so good about you! Nothing! So don’t you dare try to act like you’re better than me!” She said her own speech, ending it with pushing her foot down on your thigh. Your knee scratching against the pavement.

“Kuroo-san isn’t a thing you can own..” It was taking everything in you not to cry, you’ve always had a hard time when people yell at you. But the part of you that wanted to defy authority was still winning at the moment.

“God! You’re so annoying. Just listen to me and break up with him so he can love me already! I’m tired of waiting!” Yui was yelling, you were starting to hear voices in the windows behind you crowding over. Your eyes drifted down, your shirt was totally see-through. This was so embarrassing.

You put your arms over your chest to protect yourself. You scolded yourself for not bringing out your jacket.

“No.” You said, strong and out-front.

“I think this is the most this girl has ever spoken..” 

“Normally she’s such a crybaby..”

You heard everything anyone was saying around you. But you couldn’t bring yourself to care anymore. None of those people knew you.

“You insolent little bitch–”

“Oh? Big word there, did that make you feel like an adult? You read that one in a book?” You were completely unfiltered at this point. None of it mattered to you. Your clothes were wet, your hair was frazzled, your knees scraped and your face spit on. If there was one thing you could do to protect yourself it was your mouth. You had to.

“Shut up! Be thankful your senpai hasn’t ruined your life. Just let him go! You don’t even like him!” She was really fuming, there may as well be smoke coming out of her ears. “I can tell you’re scared, just agree so we can finish this.”

“That’s not true.” You said, your face blushing as the first sign of emotion this whole time.

“Oh, look, she’s blushing.”

“She’s actually so cute.”

“Gah! I hate you!” Yui raises her hand again, the only interruption being the heavy metal door to the courtyard being opened. 

“Stop, stop! Yui, what the fuck are you doing!?” Kuroo, the man of the hour, ran into the courtyard and immediately stripping his blazer off. 

“Kuroo-kun! I’m so glad your here, she was being so mean to us! I was just–” It was Yui’s turn to panic. Her voice quivered as she quickly mustered up tears to fake.

“You think I’m going to believe that when she looks like this?” Kuroo quickly wrapped you in his blazer, the large fabric covering you. His warmth flew threw you as he helped you to your feet and held you into his chest protectively. Your cold skin stealing Kuroo’s warmth. You hadn’t really realized how cold you were.

“I heard you had a volleyball meeting today–”

“After school. Even if I did, did you think I wouldn’t come running after I hear about my girlfriend getting bullied?” Kuroo said, his hand wrapping around your head. Your face was hidden, but he could feel you gasp for breath. The emotions you had been trying to hid getting lost in his chest, your stiff fingers gripped the fabric of his sweater vest. Kuroo’s large palm straightened them against his chest, warming them. “God, she’s freezing.”

“Girlfriend?” Yui was really crying now.

“Yes. Y/N is my girlfriend, and if anyone has a problem with this from now on bring that to me.” Kuroo’s deep voice boomed through the courtyard, it was a warning.

“You can’t be serious! It’s only been a few weeks, you’ll just drop her anyways in a few days right?” Yui had never been caught by Kuroo before, whenever a new girl would try to get close to Kuroo he’d never really minded if they lost touch after a few days. But you were someone he sought out, and tried so hard to figure out, he would never let it go that easy.

“Even if it did, you have no right to do any of this. But I’ll be with Y/N as long as she lets me, because I have deep feelings for her. I don’t expect you to understand but neither of us would ever throw the other away so easily as you’re saying. So leave us the fuck alone.” You had never seen him so angry before. But still he was so delicate to you, lowering his head to your ear to whisper a soft: “Are you ok? You did awesome, but this is over now. Let’s get you to the infirmary.”

“I’m sorry.” You said, but it was muffled by his shirt. His chest was so warm and firm, it made you somewhat sad to lose the warmth when he pulled away for only a second.

“Yui, I’m sorry I can’t return your feelings. If I had known you’d feel that way, I would’ve been able to end this sooner. But don’t worry, I won’t be going out of my way for you in the future to avoid any misunderstandings.... I’m going to take her to the infirmary, and I’m telling the nurse everything that happened here.” Kuroo held a strong frame, you winced when you took a step. 

Your knee stung from the blood running down your leg. Kuroo didn’t want you to be here any longer than you needed to be, so he latched his palms under your knee and threw your arm over his shoulder. Bridal style he held you in his arms, girls squealed behind you. Your face practically being glued to his shoulder to hide your embarrassment.

The moment you were back inside you felt warmer. You squeezed him tighter to yourself. You were so afraid, allowing yourself to so easily be weak in front of him.

“W–wait.. Kuroo..” You were letting tears fall. He rolled you in his arms to better hold you there. Your hair smelled like a morning rainfall, you were so cold.

“Not yet. We’re not alone.” He said.

The rest of the time you spent in his arms was silent. And when he got you to the infirmary he was ushered to go back to his class since the bell rang.

“Please, she’s my girlfriend. Can I please stay with her?” You could hear him beg the nurse on the otherside of the curtain from where you were changing out of your wet clothes.

It made you smile, you didn’t know a title like this would make you smile. He never asked you, but he sure got comfortable with it really fast. Maybe it wasn’t real though, you tried to slow your heart beat from beating out of your chest at the thought.

“I’m sorry but school comes first. You can come see her later. She’ll be fine.” The nurse assured him. You peaked your head out from behind the curtain.

“Thank you.” You mouthed it to him and it seemed he understood.

Kuroo didn’t seem pleased, but he still nodded. He bowed to the nurse quickly before exiting. Once on the other side of the door he looked at his hands, his sleeves were still wet from where he held you in his arms. He was chilly from losing his blazer that was now with you. The view he had of the top of your head being forcibly pushed into his chest. His chest still tingled from the imprint of your face.

“Kuroo Tetsuro, you’re awful for thinking like this..” he scolded himself. He just had to pull you out of a situation that he caused, it was because of him that they were bullying you. He needed to apologize properly, but his mind couldn’t help but melt at how close you were to him. How it seemed you invited him to be closer. This 6’3” boy reduced to a crumbled, blushing mess as he squatted next to the infirmary door.

Girlfriend.

Wait.

“She’s my girlfriend....” Kuroo remembered saying that in front of everyone, “Did I... say that out loud?..”

Both his hands were used to smack himself. His face didn’t react from the shock, eyes still wide with two hand prints leftover on his cheeks. He didn’t even ask you to be his girlfriend! What had gotten into him! Even in the heat of the moment, he should have taken at least one second to ask and then ask properly later. No, that would’ve looked suspicious. How rude of him to ignore your feelings like that and announce it in front of everyone without your permission.

I’ve been so good at asking her for everything up until now. What if she’s scared of me again? No, if she wants me to I’ll start at stage 1... Maybe Yamamoto was right, I really am a simp for her..

He thought, a small smile still on his face. He was okay with that. You were so strong out there. He only caught a few moments but watching you talk back all on your own was inspiring. You could defend yourself, any normal person would’ve let it go but Yui was a different breed that Kuroo knew too well. Watching you speak so boldly was a treasure that would live in his mind, the last domino of hearing your voice say “That’s not true.” to protext your feelings for him. But that was all he was able to catch of the conversation since he couldn’t stand there knowing that your hand wasn’t shaking from the cold.

Does she really have feelings for me? Is it true? If I would’ve asked.. would she have.. his thoughts stopped abruptly as he looked to his right at the infirmary where you stayed. What were you thinking right now? Were the thoughts you had as embarrassing as his? An image of you popped in his head, probably not. His chest was so tight and warm and the thought. He can’t think like this in the situation you’re in. He should’ve tried to stay in there longer, but maybe any longer and he would’ve burst.

He looked back at his arms, the ones he held you in. The water has dried now, ang trace that you were in them was gone. He really missed that feeling. If it were up to him right now, you’d never walk again so you could always stay in his arms.

Girlfriend..

He’d have to apologize later for overstepping his boundaries and explain later but... he’d never apologize about how it felt far too natural to say.

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