#...god i'm tired now
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The world exists in such a baffling state of simultaneous sex-aversion and sex-hegemony. Every social platform on the internet is trying to banish sex workers to the shadow realm but I can't post a tweet without at least two bots replying P U S S Y I N B I O. People are self-censoring sex to seggs and $3× but every other ad you see is still filled with half-naked women. Rightwingers want queer people arrested for so much as existing in the same postal code as a child and are also drumming up a moral panic about how teenage boys aren't getting laid enough. I feel like I'm losing my mind.
#it's bad if you want i have sex it's also bad if you DON'T want to have sex#god forbid if you're a woman in a heterosexual marriage and aren't in the mood#that's 'withholding sex' and you're clearly abusive scum who should be divorced and left without any of your shared assets.#but if you DO have sex now you're a degenerate freak plotting for the downfall of western society#i don't know what to say i'm just so tired#politics#culture#queerphobia#lgbtqia#misogyny#<it's not the exclusive source but let's be honest sooo much of this is integral to the patriarchy#patriarchy needs access to an underclass they can treat like sex objects but they also don't want them to have any human rights#so sexuality is both obligatory and stigmatized#purity culture#i'm really struggling with tagging this because most of the appropiate tags would- in a beautiful twist of irony- get me booted off tumblr
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to anyone missing my writing please know i am also missing my writing
#about me#long span depression episode#plus tired#plus family issues#I'm looking after myself but I do miss just being able to get the words down#writing#right now I am also ill so that sucks#but hey#got an autism diagnosis a few months back which explains so much#oh god 10k notes
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Oh? What's that? Ya'll want the next part of TSAU's story? Well fuck you you're getting this fucking thing instead.
#i should be making propaganda for the next round of the au competition cuz the gods know i'm gonna need it#but i wanted to draw this instead so here ya go eat up#i fORGOT DONNIE'S MARKINGS#.... do ya'll think anyone will notice??#well you're certainly gonna notice now that i pointed it out#i'll edit them in.... later.... i'm too tired rn#tizel art#my art#digital art#tmnt#rottmnt#teenage mutant ninja turtles#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#raphael#leonardo#michelangelo#donatello#raph#leo#mikey#donnie#rottmnt raph#rottmnt leo#rottmnt mikey#rottmnt donnie
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you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah
#sorry i got really into my feelings about mark hoffman again#the very specific version of him in my brain that i really really wish i had the time and energy to properly share with you guys#saw#well until i muster the energy to explode all of my feelings out into a fic. if you want to TRY and understand#know that my three biggest hoffman fic insps right now are as follows#your best kept secret hoffman. a series of mistakes hoffman. and rushed like a dreadful wind hoffman.#there is a very clear throughline just know i am extremely emotionally compromised rn#thinking about theee fics vs the canon path hoffman spirals down#something something the absolute tragedy of watching a man's descent into madness#the transformation of a man into a monster#and what could have saved him from himself and kramer's corruption#sorry i'm rambling so much oh my god i was just having such a crying fit out of nowhere about this#do you think he could feel it happening. do you think he was aware he was losing his mind.#the script version of him fucks with me so bad. the crazed rankings and the longer hair and him not being well kept anymore#it's impossible to think he didn't know he was deteriorating#fuuuck okay i need to either chill or write a whole longfic rn#i project on that guy so much i truly don't know if i could properly write my vision of him#until i do something more substantial the full extent of my hoffman exists for me and my boyfriend only. they get me like no one else#well ginny and jenna also get me. please read best kept secret and a series of mistakes Oh My God#where am i going with this. i like tag rambling actually this is a nice way to do it without forcing EVERYONE to read my delirium#anyways if you've read all of this i think i love you? feel free to dm me about hoffman and my very specific headcanons and aus#maybe soon i'll try and start writing my fics about this tragic man#i could never say any of this on twitter btw they'd string me up for my opinions on him as a sad wet beast who could have been fixed#if only he hadn't been weaponized first#god i'm too tired to even be as embarrassed about this as i should be. thought i unlearned cringe already#but i've been spending way too much time on twitter and they HAAATE hoffman there#rip. i know it's not that serious but i'm sensitive rn and hate feeling lonely in my thoughts#ok bye for real otherwise i'll never shut up. i might tag ramble more often bc this was therapeutic in a way i needed badly#cat chat
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ghost!ghost wip
#wip#ghost!ghost#ghostsoap#soapghost#ghoap#soap x ghost#ghost x soap#cod fanart#fucking finally#my bad ghost!ghost enjoyer lol#wanna ramble here no need to read#big depressed for the past few weeks and busy as heckkk#had to socialized with people a lot#and be sad#the negative energy was strong bc someone died#also i know i said i'm gonna disappear but it's just a mindset thing really#as if mybody is not gonna do that just to spite my own self#like oh you wanna rest??? NUH UH#it's strange but it worked so here i am#and i did some jounaling??? writing a diary thingy??? pouring my heart out into it kinda#good for my mental bc it's relieving and made me forget of my woes#i'm sad still but it's manageable now#the tired feeling won't go away though#sorry for complaining and being the way i am#thank god for ghostsoap my sun and my moon
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PAGLUIB
way back in like. march?? I took a stab at writing some kind of kabitserye type of story but it was a mess: it kept veering off into murder mystery drama territory because I was reading a lot of murder mystery novels around then and it Wasn't Good because I hadn't tried writing mysteries, let alone murder mysteries, before lmao
I did write a handful of short mystery stories since then, so next year I might take a stab at this idea again now that I'm no longer jumping head first into a genre pool I don't know how to swim in :)
#now for the part where i have to fight off the impulse to write in some b movie horror elements because ive been thinking about#reanimator a lot lately. ehghghh. thank god for the editing process. to wrangle my thoughts into a linear state of creating#anyway i read an article. interview? on the popularity of infidelity dramas in the philippines and it was poetry to me#and i also enjoy the really intense social melodrama in lino brocka's films. specifically the appearance of morality to cover up/justify#ugly behavior. or like. man i'm tired. whatever was going on in murder by tsismis. that's the thing. someday i'll get more into it#and post excerpts from the actual analysis of the film that actually explains the dynamic im talking around here#komiks tag#original tag#also there's some. vague lingering thought about ikaw lamang in here. not in a way that matters#but in a 'the first episode that i saw was not the first episode of the drama itself and it made me go. oh everyone has rotten vibes'#which is not. well. if you saw ikaw lamang then you know the characters. this is not the takeaway from the show. HOWEVER#i did invent a whole different show in my head between that and when the next episode aired. so.#fake ikaw lamang. ikaw lamang if it wasn't even remotely like ikaw lamang. on the topic of ikaw lamang here's a cringe story for you#still following along. BEFORE i had watched the show. i saw a notebook with franco on it but i didn't recognize the character#i just saw jake in a suit and went oh! cool! i will now Buy This!#anyway i still have the notebook lmao
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Guess who climbed multiple V5 boulders today
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I'm only halfway through the second phase of Predathos (which, to be clear is an incredible vibe for a bossfight, love a good head & hands/multitarget-same-entity boss) but I cannot shake the feeling of disappointment and just dissatisfaction I have had with this campaign that definitely started with Dusk/Yu, got followed up handily with the first Delilah/Sun Tree fight and then has been unfortunately reinforced with every discussion surrounding the Prime Deities since Hearthdell. This campaign is fascinating to pick apart, I have been really enjoying pulling apart why it isn't working compared to C1 or C2. But as much as I'm having fun dissecting where the worldbuilding has led to the current weaknesses in the gods' argument or reading other people's incisive commentary on the lack of personalities on the Ruby Vanguard's end, the "girlfailure" nonsense, etc etc, man do I wish this campaign was better than it is.
There are so many avenues of improvement -
Matt telling everyone to prep and write characters for this campaign instead of a C2-esque character-focused campaign.
Matt working religious organisations into the world properly.
The cast engaging with Marquet as a genuine location rather than set-dressing.
Otohan, Ozo and the rest of the Vanguard having more than "*insert snappy line here*" for their personalities.
No Delilah.
Bell's Hells having an iota of curiosity for anything outside of their own selves, including but not limited to: the gods, religious worship, the Elemental Titans and why they were sundered, how the people of Exandria feel about the gods, Vasselheim and its role in suppressing information about Predathos, Ludinus Da'Leth's plan and how it would still break the world if they did it in his place
I don't know why all of this fell into place in the way that it did, but it did. We can endlessly speculate why - the cast resting on their laurels after C2, not having enough time between the animated shows and Daggerheart and Candela Obscura and, and, and - but at the end of the day I really do hope that whatever form the final campaign wrap-up takes, they burn the damn questions asking the cast "what if the world was made of pudding and this character and this character kissed?" and instead pick questions that get them to introspect for a potential Campaign 4. Otherwise I don't know what will happen, but it sure as hell won't be Mighty Nein part 2: Issylra Boogaloo.
#well now why can#joe schmoe level 20 champion fighter beat god#cr spoilers#none of these are my unique observations; like any good review paper introduction it brings other people's work together#like a bad review paper I am not citing my sources though because i do that enough in work#i am just. so. tired. of this campaign not working on every level#that post about how predathos-as-boss and predathos-as-lore-entity are opposed really sums this campaign up: inconsistent across so many#story beats tones and themes that it brings the whole world down with it. this is also why i'm not a fan of fighting the gods in ttrpgs#you end up either obliterating a party who are underequipped to fight a genuine god; or your god loses and people wonder . so you justify it#it would've been vastly more interesting if predathos could see mortals. could eat mortals. would eat mortals to get to its true prey#if we're going by tinkerbell rules for the gods surely eating the children clapping would get their attention and draw them out#but no. every punch pulled. every opportunity for a genuinely interesting narrative failed at the first hurdle#i fully expect (pessimistically) for the gods to roll over on a dc 20 persuasion check btw. i have no hope for a genuinely interesting end#critical role#cr discourse#bell's hells
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Made an album cover redraw as Crowley
#good omens#anthony j crowley#crowley#I'm so tired of this piece oh my god I spent so much time and energy on this#finally get to rest now YAY sdhjhf
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"what is loveit?" (warning for gore in linked music vid)
this song has been stuck in my brain ver. without the border below
#tfw you think you're gonna spook the god of death and instead he's into it. whoops#cw blood#narilamb#cotl#cult of the lamb#my art#i was going to do some other redraws based on this song but i got tired so. just this for now#also i know this game has doctrines where you can make your followers cannibals and all that#but i feel the need to clarify that i'm taking this song in symbolic way with these two#eating up devotion and all that fun stuff
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You know what fuck it, bizzyboy sona/oc concept design
Their name is Mars!! (Marscapone) She's in her mid 20's (same age as P??) and she likes theater and bugs!!
They didn't really asked for working as a bizzyboy (she hates it lol), but she has to work as one not only to serve the grove but she has pay up her tuition for college!!
......Also!! She loves writing fanfics in her freetime and she might have an itty bitty crush on Inspekta??? 👀
And thats all I got lol
#I'll probably draw the final design of her soon but for now i'm soo eppy and tired aughhh#finals are killing meeeee#so i'm going to be cringe#ugh anyways im probably gonna sleep soon lol#a little earlier than usual lol cuz this final is tommorow#great god grove#bizzyboy#bizzyboy oc#my art#sketches
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[SHADOW SIEGE]
→ OPERATION: ROGUE ARSENAL → COMMANDER: PHILLIP GRAVES → CALLSIGN: SHADOW 0-1
"If you wanna get shit done, he's the man you want in charge."
#call of duty#modern warfare#call of duty modern warfare#MWII#CoD MWII#Phillip Graves#Philip Graves#Shadow Company#Hi so I cried ❤#I had a mild meltdown and now I'm crashing SKDJBGjk#im insane. asylum. insannneeee. I'm crayyyayyzayy#him checking on his shadowwwwwwwwwwwws#Anyway. peep that massive watermark :)#pleaaassee god im tired#I do NOT wanna see my gifs on dub/nonc*n/hatefucking/preg/piss k*ink#WHATEVER
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sometimes. what i like to read or write in fic or just generally play around with.... is different and, dare i say, sometimes even contradicting to what i think the canonical reading is offering. like yeah he would not fucking say that but every once in a while i do like to indulge. sue me
#*mine#mona rambles#people do be taking things so seriously these days like#sometimes i just wanna see a silly lil oneshot where the blorbo du jour Fucks Shit Up and go#idk where this weird idea comes from to assume everything i ever write down in a fic or in some rambly headcanon post is like#equivalent to saying 'i think this is what the text says' like???#the text says they had wives and are straight and don't fuck their brothers too like. come on now#and i don't mean this in a dismissal of/disdain for canon sort of way either#i hate the whole 'fuck canon i know better' attitude that's not what i'm talking about#i mean this more in a. not every oneshot i write is a 'this is a meta-analysis of textual realities'#and more a 'okay this absolutely isn't canon but what if it WERE#let's explore'#sometimes you just gotta pat canon on the head tell it i love you and i know this isn't you but I'm going to anyway <3#peace and love. etc etc#god i know people will so wildly misinterpret this as a 'she doesn't even care about canon then what is even the point 🙄'#or a 'YEAH FUCK CANON I KNOW BETTER 😤' kind of way i'm already tired#to the three people who'll get it ily tho <3#i do think the crux is the awareness yk. like. knowing deviation or smthg. anyway#bisexuality. love wins <3
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ALL OF US STRANGERS (2023) dir. ANDREW HAIGH
#filmedit#filmgifs#movieedit#moviegifs#All of Us Strangers#aousedit#filmtvdaily#filmtvcentral#cinemapix#fyeahmovies#dailyflicks#mine*#mygifs#movies*#I can't believe this is done. and you won't believe how long it took me to make it. insane... because it's just a scene#I didn't even use different fonts. or a cool template. or transitions... it was a single scene... but look... I made captures for 10 gifs#and things kept happening and I kept finding little gestures and beautiful things and I just couldn't keep them out the gifs#I mean look at Harry and that slow realization. please look at the glow around his shoulders at the beginning#and how ethereal and out of this world he already is AND THEN when Adam says 'I found you' he becomes more... real and present!#and those eyes and the intensity of that 'you're here' and their eyes and faces and smiles and how Harry's desperate but Adam calms him dow#and his voice when he asks 'how come no one found me?' the realization that people didn't care to check on him. it screamed to my soul#I haven't stopped thinking about that scene since the moment I first watched it#honestly... I wish I could live in this scene forever#now this is a super long post and I know it won't get many notes and it was surely made before... but I needed to make this for myself...#so here it is :) I'm tired but I love it#GOD the way Harry goes full baby when Adam caresses his cheek and he SMILES LIKE THAT! AHHHHHHH!#*runs down the hill screaming*
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i cleaned my room i changed my sheets i took a shower i am a normal human person now everybody cheers
#it sure does feel good to Be now#but oh my god it's so tiring to do stuff#shagdhgsadhgsahghga#wrestling with my 9kg weighted blanket is never fun#and also . shrimpmin was just zoooominggg back and forth on my bed while i was trying to change the sheets#silly guy#aanyway i love you guys!!!#i am stil incredibly slow with asks but i am just working very hard on the prince!gojo x knight!reader rewrite#it's at 9k now i think............#which is fucking scary and which is also the reason i'm only putting this in the tagshgsadghsadhhgas#it's way blooder and there's more fighting and well while i love that#i'm scared that ppl just won't read it yk#LIKE I PROMISE THERE'S SOME TASTY BICKERING TOO OKAY IT'S FUN I PROMISE I PROMISE I PROMISEEEE#sighh#writing is scary sometimes huh..#mayor of loserville
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and stalling only goes so far when you've got a head start
#nobody talk to me i am so fucking IN AGONY#HEAD IN HANDS. AT LEAST SOME PEOPLE CAN BE HAPPY???????#jinx#jinx arcane#powder#powder arcane#arcane#arcane spoilers#im afraid i have to admit guys i just stopped watching after this episode. it was so fucking (bitter) sweet and by far the happiest#i've ever been post-arcane-episode#god!!!!!!! i don't want to ruin the high!!!! and i don't want to see everyone start fucking suffering for their lives again !!!!!#in my defense i finished at like 8 am after not sleeping all night so. i was also tired. but now after waking up#i just don't want to continue Even More o777#arcane season 2#arcane s2#arcane s2 spoilers#arcane season 2 spoilers#idk how fast people usually watch episodes so i'm mass tagging even more than usual#god fucking. aughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#time taken on this like 3-4 hrs#in my current state of mind (completely off my rocker abt this show) i can probably fuel like Months worth of fanart#from just this one episode. sooooo what if i just never watched the rest fhhggggskfjnfnfnfndjsjd#nah i know i'm gonna end up watching it. eventually. soon probably but idk how soon. anyways. peace out guys. live laugh love 😭😭😭😭😭#my art#the funny thing about this is that i drew it facing the opposite way and then flipped it to check and never. flipped it back.#uhhhhh. don't worry about it
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