#...god i'm tired now

[tizeline]

Oh? What's that? Ya'll want the next part of TSAU's story? Well fuck you you're getting this fucking thing instead.

[eternal-sunflowers]

i don't think that people really understand how mentally fucking draining it is to live with chronic illness. like, people talk about it a lot, sure. but i feel like it is constantly kind of a shrugged off thing that people don't understand the weight off.

how exhausting it is to have your body not be able to do things, while your brain carries on as if it can.

how exhausting and painful it is to try to do things and not fully be accommodated for your needs.

how exhausting goddamn brain fog is. it gets me every day it feels like and i'm still surprised.

how exhausting and frustrating it is to be ill and to think you're having a good day, but SURPRISE, here's a flare, or a bunch of symptoms, or whatever, and now you're in pain and can't do anything. you can't make the pain stop. you just have to feel it.

how exhausting it is to know that nothing will take the pain away. that you literally just have to live with it. and that people won't get it. they won't understand that you are constantly in pain, all the time, and just have to act like you aren't.

how exhausting it is to be exhausted. the fatigue is awful. it just catches me and i can't do anything. i can't move or speak or anything. i just have to exist in it.

it's so annoying and exhausting to see my body give up and to know that i can't really do anything to stop it or cure it. it's so exhausting. it makes me want to cry constantly. i feel so tired and worn down and angry and depressed.

and yet, i have to continue on, like a normal functioning member of society. i have people look at me like an imposition. i see people talk down on chronically ill or disabled people online all the time and complain about us ruining society or taking away resources or whatever the fuck bullshit.

and it makes me feel so shitty that society perceives my only worth as my physical ability to contribute to a fucked up system.

and yet, we carry on, day after day, in hopes it will get better.

[thekittyokat]

you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah

[queerofthedagger]

the thing is that if comments/kudos/engagement are "payment" for authors' "free" work, aka if fandom is transactional, then readers are in fact "paying" for something. and if readers are "paying" for something then fic is a product, and if you are "paying" for a "product" you are in fact - generally speaking - entitled to make some basic demands regarding said "product." what that looks like is gonna be different from reader to reader but we have spent years upon years arguing, rightly so, that people are not entitled to updates, or completed fics, or to offer unsolicited criticism, or fics going the way they want them to, or that authors shouldn't have the right to delete their stuff, etc etc. etc. and that entire argument crumbles the moment you turn this into a transaction and it's just no wonder (if no less goddamn obnoxious) that readers' entitlement is skyrocketing when they are treated like fucking customers. like. turning this into an us vs them seller vs customer thing is, aside from entirely ignorant of the fact that writers most often are readers themselves, the most horrific thing happening to fandom. stop turning this into a fucking free market under the guise of community. i swear to fucking god

[katabay]

PAGLUIB

way back in like. march?? I took a stab at writing some kind of kabitserye type of story but it was a mess: it kept veering off into murder mystery drama territory because I was reading a lot of murder mystery novels around then and it Wasn't Good because I hadn't tried writing mysteries, let alone murder mysteries, before lmao

I did write a handful of short mystery stories since then, so next year I might take a stab at this idea again now that I'm no longer jumping head first into a genre pool I don't know how to swim in :)

[hooked-on-elvis]

Those are the screenshots from the footage in "Elvis On Tour" (1972) when, at the end of this concert, Elvis decided to "attack" the camera man. LOL. He was just a silly boy, really. (we appreciate the close up, El... It feels like we're about to kiss).

[swordscleric]

I'm only halfway through the second phase of Predathos (which, to be clear is an incredible vibe for a bossfight, love a good head & hands/multitarget-same-entity boss) but I cannot shake the feeling of disappointment and just dissatisfaction I have had with this campaign that definitely started with Dusk/Yu, got followed up handily with the first Delilah/Sun Tree fight and then has been unfortunately reinforced with every discussion surrounding the Prime Deities since Hearthdell. This campaign is fascinating to pick apart, I have been really enjoying pulling apart why it isn't working compared to C1 or C2. But as much as I'm having fun dissecting where the worldbuilding has led to the current weaknesses in the gods' argument or reading other people's incisive commentary on the lack of personalities on the Ruby Vanguard's end, the "girlfailure" nonsense, etc etc, man do I wish this campaign was better than it is.

There are so many avenues of improvement -

Matt telling everyone to prep and write characters for this campaign instead of a C2-esque character-focused campaign.

Matt working religious organisations into the world properly.

The cast engaging with Marquet as a genuine location rather than set-dressing.

Otohan, Ozo and the rest of the Vanguard having more than "*insert snappy line here*" for their personalities.

No Delilah.

Bell's Hells having an iota of curiosity for anything outside of their own selves, including but not limited to: the gods, religious worship, the Elemental Titans and why they were sundered, how the people of Exandria feel about the gods, Vasselheim and its role in suppressing information about Predathos, Ludinus Da'Leth's plan and how it would still break the world if they did it in his place

I don't know why all of this fell into place in the way that it did, but it did. We can endlessly speculate why - the cast resting on their laurels after C2, not having enough time between the animated shows and Daggerheart and Candela Obscura and, and, and - but at the end of the day I really do hope that whatever form the final campaign wrap-up takes, they burn the damn questions asking the cast "what if the world was made of pudding and this character and this character kissed?" and instead pick questions that get them to introspect for a potential Campaign 4. Otherwise I don't know what will happen, but it sure as hell won't be Mighty Nein part 2: Issylra Boogaloo.

[eugenoid-draws]

Made an album cover redraw as Crowley

[teddybeartoji]

i cleaned my room i changed my sheets i took a shower i am a normal human person now everybody cheers

[artscheese]

You know what fuck it, bizzyboy sona/oc concept design

Their name is Mars!! (Marscapone) She's in her mid 20's (same age as P??) and she likes theater and bugs!!

They didn't really asked for working as a bizzyboy (she hates it lol), but she has to work as one not only to serve the grove but she has pay up her tuition for college!!

......Also!! She loves writing fanfics in her freetime and she might have an itty bitty crush on Inspekta??? 👀

And thats all I got lol

[shadow0-1]

[SHADOW SIEGE]

→ OPERATION: ROGUE ARSENAL → COMMANDER: PHILLIP GRAVES → CALLSIGN: SHADOW 0-1

"If you wanna get shit done, he's the man you want in charge."

[queerofthedagger]

sometimes. what i like to read or write in fic or just generally play around with.... is different and, dare i say, sometimes even contradicting to what i think the canonical reading is offering. like yeah he would not fucking say that but every once in a while i do like to indulge. sue me

[helielune]

and stalling only goes so far when you've got a head start

[ryusaidate]

quick redraw of this from last year because i needed to feel good about myself :V

[nemesis-is-my-middle-name]

divinity is for nerd ass losers anyway

[jaybirdhitman]

Woe Gitm doodles upon you

Two recent things I did on the server, needed cuddles with Misuta and practicing a soft render style, and an attack/pos on @cookiiemancer after an art sprint they did that inspired me to slap this down in an hour. (If you don't want this up here lemme know and I'll take it down)

And the late valentine's hand doodles I did. All 13 ugh

As always Ghost in the Machine belongs to @/Venomus Qwille, I still have the brain rot.