#...because i'm rarely sure of anything...

[thoughtscout]

I think it's genuinely becoming concerning how hyper-sexualized we, as a society, are becoming. does no one else think it's genuinely worrying that so many women can remember being a child not being able to google their favourite female cartoon character without seeing grotesquely over-sexualized fanart of her that they couldn't even healthily process at the time, and if you talk about that making you uncomfortable or affecting your wellbeing in any way, you're called a puritan, or a prude, or some other pejorative to indicate that having complex or negative feelings about sexuality in any way is callous or judgemental or a display of moral superiority? why is it so difficult to find art or media that isn't sexualized in nature? why are we so obsessed with making a special and unique feature of the human condition our primary focus almost all of the time? even more concerning is that it isn't just some niche little group of people on the internet, it's rampant. every nook and cranny of the internet has these people, ready and raring to compare you to a Christian missionary if you dare speak anything slightly negative about society's many varying views on sexuality. like the people on Twitter proudly displaying their incest/rape kink (I've seen this one A LOT), because how can you claim to be an ally to survivors of sexual assault, or a feminist, but not even be able to recognize that incestuous abuse is one of the most common forms of child sexual abuse that is committed to young girls by their male relatives, and that women struggle to have their rape stories taken seriously because sexual abuse has been culturally normalized by the mainstream-ification of violent, abusive pornography? why do other people criticizing how modern sexuality enables rape culture make you feel personally threatened or limited in your own, private relationship to your own sexuality? and where does it end? are we going to start telling women who say "no thank you, I'm not interested" to 'loosen up' and 'learn to have some fun' again? are we going to ban women from the platforms they created for themselves to talk about their experiences with sexual trauma and assault? start protecting sex offenders from being held accountable for their crimes, start ignoring the role marriage plays as an institution for male control over female sexuality, start preaching that individual sexual pleasure is all that matters, and anyone who disagrees is a fascist? I'm sure that a large part of the problem is that these people generally have a Shadow Complex, and are still stuck in the "I like to pretend I'm being so rebellious against sexual shame culture, but really my shame is just making me act out in hyper-sexual ways just to be contrarian and spiteful to the perceived status quo, because I never developed the emotional tools needed to simultaneously practice destigmatizing human sexuality while also maintaining critical thinking towards sexual culture, which shows that I'm actually still feeling my internalized shame on a very deep level, and it's still very much affecting me in unconscious and almost uncontrollable ways" phase, which is honestly the case for most of them. I'm just worried for the future, because all the people saying these things are just reinventing pornographic rape culture under the guise of progressivism, and are (intentionally or unintentionally, it depends) causing more harm than good.

I think it's genuinely concerning how sex-negative we, as a society, are becoming. (This post brought to you by a few tweets I saw)

Does no one else think it's genuinely worrying how if you even find a fictional character attractive, you're called a gooner, or a degenerate, or some other pejorative to indicate that being sexual in any way is gross and nasty and yucky? Why does art suddenly lack artistic value because it's sexual in nature? Why are we so obsessed with associating a core feature of the human condition with shame and guilt?

Even more concerning is that it isn't just some niche little group of people on the internet, it's rampant. Every nook and cranny of the internet has these people, ready and raring to call you names if you dare speak anything slightly not-safe-for-work.

Like the people on twitter openly calling trans women degenerates and freaks for having an incest/rape kink (I've seen this one A LOT), because how can you claim to be an ally, or lgbt-friendly, or a feminist, but get mad at a woman expressing her sexuality? Why does sexuality gross you out to the point you feel the need to demean people over it?

And where does it end? Are we going to start calling women who dress a little too revealing 'sluts' again? Are we going to ban sex scenes in movies? Start preaching abstinence, say sex outside of marriage is bad, that lust is immoral, and being gay is a sin?

I'm sure that a large part of the problem is that these people are generally children, and still in the "sex is gross" phase, but I know that's not the case with all of them. I'm just worried for the future, because all the people saying these things are just reinventing conservatism under the guise of progressivism, and are (intentionally or unintentionally, I'm not sure) causing more harm than good.

I know we talk about puritanism and stuff all the time, but in my opinion, it's gotten to a point even the actual puritans didn't get to.

[ddarker-dreams]

omg i love your yandere giorno series!! I was wondering if you could write a little thing where giorno witnesses his darling having a lowkey mental breakdown/epiphany because she realizes she’s in love with him? sorta like expanding on the little moments in the other fics where reader questions her feelings for him. and she just confesses to him that it’s so hard to accept what he’s done but she can’t help but love him

i'd recently been wanting to expand on the scarlet ribbons yandere bad endings and this meshes well with a christmas-y idea i had 👁👁

This time of year packs your schedule to the brim.

Being the wife of Don Giovanna comes with its unique obligations, which you once stumbled through with the naïveté of a newborn doe. Time and difficult lessons sanded away your inexperience. These trials weren't unlike those he'd undergone since ousting Diavolo, reality proving itself a stubborn foe against youthful idealism.

After what felt like ages apart, he reunites with you in the evening, where he notes some unusual behavior.

For starters, you're eerily silent. While he's no stranger to you giving him the cold shoulder, it's never without reason, like when he restricts your travel for citing security concerns. He can't recall doing anything to earn your ire. If anything, you'd been uncharacteristically amicable recently, regarding him as a collaborator rather than your warden.

Natale was almost like an armistice. You get to engage in charitable pursuits, while he oversees their seedy underbelly. Ultimately, everything is about business, image, and prestige. He doesn't insult your intelligence by pretending otherwise.

It's when you (and your conspicuous Stand) sneak a glance his way for the third time that he speaks up.

"Is something troubling you?"

He could whittle away at your defenses over an extensive campaign, but, feeling the day's exhaustion weigh him down, he opts for a direct approach. You consider him, your Stand peering over your shoulder with suspicious eyes.

"... Your meeting went long," you comment.

He nods, sensing that you're getting at something. When you refuse to elaborate, he offers to show his hand.

"There were some mild disagreements," Giorno replies. "They've been put to rest."

"If what I suggested is causing tension—"

You cut yourself off when he sits beside you on the loveseat, leaving little room between your persons. It's an unusual line for him to cross. He rarely infringes upon your physical space, owing to a courteous code of conduct that you struggled to comprehend. He thinks you want him to be terrible; a cartoonish villain that you could pour all your energy into resisting.

"I'll see it through," he reassures, the tenderness in his voice reserved solely for your ears. "I think the scholarship program is an admirable idea. The funds are there, it's simply a matter of ironing out the details."

You shuffle around. "It's not a lucrative venture."

"That's inconsequential."

"I'm sure your Capos feel otherwise."

"They can be shortsighted," Giorno argues. "And they don't have the final say — I do."

"That's..." you trail off, gnawing your bottom lip, "Why are you so...?"

Giorno, realizing that he's approaching the heart of the issue, can't let this chance go. He sees you contemplating retreat, as you cross your arms over your chest and squeeze your lips shut. If he were a fully benevolent man, he'd grant you your reprieve. Maybe he'll come to regret pushing you too far. Nonetheless, you are his vice, and even he can't always suppress his selfish yearning.

"So...?" he encourages, nearly crooning the word.

You shake your head. "I never know how to feel about you. Hating you used to come easy, now it's just... pointless. Impossible. I don't know. Sometimes, I think I might even lo—"

Aghast, you slap your hand over your mouth, cutting yourself off.

For his part, Giorno wasn't expecting such a vulnerable admission to nearly slip out. Not wanting to push his luck, he leans back, allowing you some space. You appear to be in deep thought. Your Stand has since dissipated, leaving you truly alone.

It's then that he recalls one of the final requests Bucciarati made of him:

"Please ensure her safety and happiness in my stead."

In the years that have followed, the latter has proven trickier than the former.

His hand finds yours. You jump, snapping your head in his direction, shock rippling across your countenance. He responds by giving your hand a firm squeeze. You don't reciprocate, nor do you pull away. Instead, you stare at where your bodies are joined, almost in a trance.

Giorno feels the cool band of your wedding ring flush against his skin. You made efforts in the past to be rid of it, though his Stand's ability ensured it'd always find its way back to you. He wonders at what point you decided to abandon that little rebellion.

Perhaps the revelations surfacing tonight have something to do with it.

Eventually, you exhale a shaky breath. "All this planning has me worn out. I'm not thinking straight. So please... forget I said anything."

And because he cares for you above all else, he nods, prolonging the farce you've both been cast the leads in.

[spyres]

bootleg pokemon advent calender review

so my mom got me this pokemon-themed advent calender filled with a bunch of bootleg figurines earlier this month and i opened the first door at the time but i completely forgot about it until now. so with it being christmas eve i thought it would be fun to go through each figurine for funsies because i'm utterly fascinated with what i got.

day one: muk

this was the only one i had knowledge of throughout the entire month. at first i was thinking "well if you look at it as muk's shiny then it could be passable" before remembering that muk's shiny is green and not blue. regardless, congrats to muk on the blue goo and pronouns. 3/10

day two: reuniclus

i can never spell this damn thing's name. i was pleasantly surprised to see reuniverse though, as it was evident that this calender wasn't going to just be filled with gen one pokemon like i suspected. gen five was actually tied with gen one for the most figurines with six, surpringly! unfortunately there's nothing after gen six though, not even any regional variants.

back to reunicorn, this is definitely on the higher end just for being the correct colour lmao. the bottom part of reunionize does not look like that though. 8/10

day three: clefairy

one of the better figurines for sure! while it's still evidently of bootleg quality, it could feasibly pass as official just for being the correct colours. her doing the little metronome dance from the anime in her posing is a nice touch too! 9/10

day four: tyrunt

oh my god they poured tar on him. why are his eyes soulless. he looks possessed. this makes me sad i don't like this one. 2/10

day five: dedenne

she's a little confused but she's got the spirit, i think. needs to be more orange but i guess looking like you're made of cheese is fitting for a mouse-like creature. 6/10

day six: miltank

ohhh i really hate this thing. i'm not a miltank hater by any means but this one looks gross and mouldy to me. girl go have a bath. 1/10

day seven: arbok

WHAT DID THEY DO TO MY GIRL!!!!!! SHE'S FUCKING NAKED!!!!!! sure they got the colour right but they stole her patterns!!! her most stunning feature!!!!!! she was proud of those patterns!!!! AND THEY STOLE THEM FROM HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hatred and anger/10

day eight: primeape

i don't want to make any comments about the eyes since i don't have strabismus, but i like that they kept his anger. the personality still manages to shine through here. the rest of the figurine is just. whatever. not the worst but not the best just completely average. 5/10

day nine: pansage

sorry the picture is ass i don't want to retake it lol. confession: while i don't really have any strong opinions on the elemental monkeys compared to a lot of fans, i do have a bit of a soft spot for pansage because i think he's adorable. rewatching the bw anime a few years back awoke that in me, and i think this one is pretty cute too! something about the :3 face just gets to me. despite missing its cream colouring, i think one is pretty solid overall! 7/10

day ten: victini

behold the extremely rare and powerful mythical pokemon victini! truly a marvel to witness! anyway i don't like that it's missing its teeth but it's okay i guess. 4/10

day eleven:

i don't really have much to say on this one tbh? i like that they gave it a stand since it would just fall over with those stubby little legs i guess but i just. don't see anything to really talk about here. 3/10

day twelve: grumpig

not as soulless-looking as tyrunt was, and maybe it's helped partially by grumpig already having some dark grey in its usual colour scheme so it doesn't look thaaat unusual, but it's still not a good one. 3/10

day thirteen: slowking

gives me the same gross and mouldy vibes as miltank but not as bad i think. i like the pose. i don't think i've ever seen slowking cross its arms like that in any official pokemon media or merch so there's some points for uniqueness. 4/10

day fourteen: darumaka

my son murngus who i fed a ball. i love this thing. this is peak. we're never getting any better than this. tpci should make this official merch. love and peace/10

day fifteen: swirlix

this is my daughter white boy. while i have criticisms with the lumps being too pronounced (they should be softer and more subtle imo) and the lack of feet, i honestly kinda love this one? it reminds me of those pathetic white dogs that look like they'll fall over if you breathe on them too hard, and while the big bumps don't give the image of candy floss like they're supposed to, this reminds me of a cloud in a way, which is still lovely to think about. 9/10

day sixteen: beartic

who hurt you beartic. the colours are right at least but. the face. 3/10

days seventeen, eighteen and nineteen: croconaw, totodile, feraligatr

i got the whole family one after another so might as well cover them together.

croconaw: the sniler...... croconaw manages to be the definition of both creepy AND wet here. it's unsettling a little bit but it gives it some personality. 6/10

totodile: i do not like that mouth whatsoever. what the fuck. 2/10

feraligatr: i have to question why feraligatr is a slightly different shade of blue than its younger siblings but that's neither here nor there. it's alright but the eyes are a bit unnerving to me. 4/10

day twenty: chimchar

the only gen four pokemon of the batch, which is sad for me as a gen four fan. it's fine but this one lacks chimchar's signature flame tail. unfortunate since chimchar canonically farting out fire is a key characteristic to me. 5/10

day twenty one: gothitelle

i look like this irl. not really much to complain about with this one side from the lack of a mouth and the face being white rather than purple. i like the complete and utter torment in her eyes. i could fix her fr. 7/10

day twenty two: grovyle

dedicating this one to my fellow pmd fans! they fucking peeled our lad!! the pose is kinda cool though. 6/10

day twenty three: aurorus

this one is a falls into the category of ugly cute to me. they used the wrong shade of blue but it's still fine imo. i simultaneously like the eyes but also don't like them. i'm very conflicted on how i feel about the finer details of this one but it's okay overall imo. 6/10

day twenty four: psyduck

ngl i was kinda hoping for something special for the last one. maybe delibird to go with it being for christmas, or another legendary/mythical, but i've been rewatching the anime again recently and they are so fucking mean to misty's psyduck that it's borderline unpleasant to watch at times, so you know what? psyduck deserves this.

it's pretty alright for a bootleg too. they got all the colours and key details right, even if it's rather shoddy, so i'll be generous with this one. 9/10

if you read all of this then thank you for joining me on this journey. i'm so glad i spent christmas eve deciding to review shitty knock-off pokemon merch rather than celebrating with my friends and family. and i'm very sorry that i released these beasts from their prison and have made them everyone else's problem now.

[miss-oranje-disco-dancer]

miss oranje's faves: self-recs edition

i'm not used to praising myself bc i am my biggest hater, not my biggest fan, but i was tagged by the lovely @gothcsz to participate in @jolapeno 's 'tootathon' challenge, and i originally was going to pass up the opportunity butttt i suppose i'll *try* to say nice things about myself but i love the people in this fandom so i always enjoy participating in the fun, particularly something that promotes positivity when fandoms can be so toxic sometimes. honestly, i might need to steal this idea and make a positivity challenge for the resident evil fandom (which is what i primarily write for) because we are in need of good vibes…

*because my blog is multi-fandom, my masterlist is getting big overall, so i'm going to link my javi fics and my joel fics (along with my liztober '24 because there are a couple other pedro character fics on there)

i haven't been a part of the pedro pascal fandom for long, so my work here is limited, but i will share a few things:

it's never over (javi p x reader) - a two part fic (part one is from javi's perspective, part two is from reader's)

I really liked the concept for this fic and it was something that I wrote bits and pieces of for a while. I tried to change it to a single pov because i think i’m not someone who does well with pov switches like this, but it never captured the full scope of the story i wanted to tell when i tried to make it only javi’s or only reader’s. Ultimately, while i’d like to add onto this fic because i would like to expand upon reader’s pov, i like the story that i told in the end (i love angst). Maybe there will be a part 3…

2. and for dessert? (javi p x reader) - a short, mildly smutty story about javi and a housekeeper at a hotel

i hated this fic for a while because i got caught up in the numbers but i reread it last night and i was like, ‘okay, the concept is incredibly silly, but i guess in some way, that’s the point’. Anyway, when i looked back and stopped focusing on the numbers, i realized that i actually really like this fic, and probably wouldn’t change anything about it.

3. anniversary antics (joel x reader) - joel and his wife getting it on ... heavy breeding kink here

i wrote this in an hour or so. it just came to me. straight from the smutty brain (which is rare). this is one of the few fics of mine that i re-read and actually think 'oh this is hot'!

4. everything's bigger in texas (joel x reader) - for my liztober celebration! reader loses her virginity to joel and it's a sweet and short smut.

this is my second most popular tumblr post of all time (so it doesn’t need promo here), which is very funny because i almost didn't post this at all. i thought the size kink might be too basic and overdone but i also really wanted to write an 'older' reader as i have a tendency to write younger readers (which is partially because i am 24 and have never been older than 24 vs i have been 21 etc.) and i wanted to get away from the typical innocent virgin thing.

and also, we're gonna get personal here... i'm pretty sure i have vaginismus and so it's really really difficult to have sex. i've been shamed or questioned rather than reassured during situations where i struggle or am entirely unable to. reader in this fic was not specified to have vaginismus because i was trying to keep it light and smutty, flipping it around into a size kink, but it was a bit healing to write tbh. 

I’m pretty sure everyone has already been tagged but i’ll tag some of my mutuals just in case:

@clawdee @evolnoomym @baronessvonglitter @the-mandawhor1an

[kirkwallguy]

i agree with your takes on dragon age's relationship with queer content a lot. a straight female inquisitor (bonus point if elf) gets the most romance options, zevran and leliana's romance feels secondary *by narrative* compared to romances of characters who's a warden/king alistair and morrigan, sebastian being bisexual being a cut content*

* i just don't get it why the templar boys always got to be straight. like why can't men engage with their romances and experience this narrative when chantry and religion is so important for the story of these games? after all romance adds a different perspective for all characters.

here we have veilguard, the pansexual crew, and well... the romance content is the weakest in franchise

and i'm not saying queer romances were bad btw!! its just that i wish people who wants to play mlm or wlw get to see such perspectives in the story or these characters' stories too. like a male warden romancing alistair and all the juicy stuff that comes with it (the hurt or angst or the complications. are you sparing loghain? did you just marry the love of your life off to his sister-in-law for the future of your beloved country? did he become a drunkard visiting bars after bars because of the decisions you made even tough you were intimate?)

no exactly! i do tend to want to give them some slack given they're very Of Their Time (for a 2009 game even including bisexual options was scandalous, and dorian's bare bones coming out narrative was pretty standard for 2013 tv shows / rare in aaa games) but it annoys me when people act like they're these flawless beacons of queer rep that you can't criticise just because we should be happy with being given anything at all. even if you don't count seb, 1/2 of the games pretty much require you to play an f/m relationship in order to experience a narratively relevant relationship. i find dai more insidious tbh because like... sure, don't make solas bi for whatever reasons you want to give. but cass and blackwall? there's 0 reason for them to be straight lol. (especially the bait and switch where you're allowed to flirt with cass as a woman for AGES before she turns you down despite characters like cullen shutting you down on the first flirt. it's funny when you do it intentionally but just feels cruel otherwise?) at least leliana and zevran feel like they're doing the most they were allowed to do

a gay or bisexual chantry/templar character who struggles with their sexuality would be SO interesting. honestly it would require more introspection about thedas' attitude towards sexuality than da has ever done - i feel like they could have done a fun subplot with this in da2 honestly.

and the thing about the dav characters is... they went to great lengths to make sure they avoided the playersexual allegations, multiple characters had a past where they dated people of various genders, taash having a preference for women was mentioned (in the weirdest way possible) but i still... don't know how they feel about their sexuality at all? neve is a tevinter mage, did her liking women play a part in her seeing through the issues with the system? does bellara have any lingering feelings about irelin at all? did harding realise she didn't have to be straight when she joined the inquisition and met people outside of her small ferelden town? (potential extra dialogue for an f/f romancing inquisitor???) it doesn't need to be a big Thing, but just a one-off dialogue during romance (davrin m/m exclusive dialogue on your date: "the first time i brought a man to meet my uncle i was so nervous etc etc") or a comment during a banter. it just establishes a little bit more about the characters and stops them feeling so flat... then again ig that's an issue with the whole game LOL.

[l0velymia]

A Proper Celebration. - Levi x Reader

Summary: Levi's first proper birthday with his first love.

Warnings: Brief mentions of prostitution, Fem reader, not proofread! (Lmk if I missed anything).

A/N: Nothing like getting motivation to write again at 11:42 PM! Scheduling this to post exactly at 12:00 December 25! Happy Holidays everyone! (And happy birthday to my bbg)

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Levi had never cared for Christmas, or rather, his birthday. Being from the underground meant there were no such things as a "proper" celebration. Unless, you wanted to draw more attention to yourself.

Of course, his mother still made an effort to celebrate her baby boy's birthdate. Always trying to make it as special as possible. Sure, maybe a little bit of bread and a small gift might not seem much to the average person. To him however, it was everything. It showed his mother's love and persistence to make him feel special on his special day. Even if that day was usually followed by his mother coming home late or bringing men over to pay debts she made for his birthdate.

After his mother passed and he was taken in by Kenny, birthdays and holidays weren't exactly a priority. Instead of celebration, his days were filled with excessive combat training or stealing. Anything but a proper celebration really.

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So naturally, Levi was caught off guard when he was awoken by his love shuffling around his office carrying a tray of food. "Oh! I'm sorry Levi! Did I wake you? I just wanted to surprise you since it's your birthday after all.. Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas by the way!"

She smiled softly and set the tray down on his desk before frowning a little and massaging his shoulders and neck. "Didn't I tell you to stop sleeping on your desk? You're gonna end up with a sore neck if you continue that."

Levi relaxed into the massage, staring at the food in front of him. A bowl of steaming hot soup paired with a few pieces of bread and hot tea.

"I didn't know they were serving soup today? Eyebrows said we were getting served something else."

"That's because I made it silly! I woke up early to make it for you so you better enjoy it!" She giggled softly.

Levi blushed faintly at the thought of her putting in so much effort just for him.

"Thank you, brat." "Anytime Levi!"

The following hours were both torture yet heaven, he would find gifts around his office all from her, growing more and more adorable and endearing with each passing hour.

He found a new painted tea cup set, chuckling to himself as he saw your "artistic" talent on the cups. He set them aside. Refusing to use them as to not damage them. They were from you after all, they need to be cherished and protected like you.

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In the afternoon, he spent his time in his office signing and reading paperwork even though Erwin gave him a rare day off as it was the Captain's special day.

She burst into the room smiling.

"Heyy Leviiii!!! Can I hangout here for a while?" "Do I have a choice?" "Nope!"

She sat on his desk, raising an eyebrow whilst staring at his work.

"Is Erwin making you work on your birthday? I could've sworn I asked him to give you a day off.."

Levi shakes his head, trying to avoid cracking even a small smile.

"Yes Y/N. He gave me today off. I just chose to complete this sooner rather than later." He said, mentally chuckling at the pout his love gave him.

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"But today's your birthday and it's Christmas Levi! You shouldn't be working..." She stares off into space for a moment. An idea popping into her head. "I should be spending time with you! Put something winter-appropriate on and I'll meet you outside of the bakery we always go to!" She said enthusiastically before running out, not even giving Levi the chance to agree or disagree. As if he'd ever say no to her.

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And that's how Levi ended up inside this lovely bakery. Next to him? His darling love excitedly scanning all the pastries and bread in the store.

"Come on Levi! Pick something out!! There is so much cool and yummy stuff here!!" She eagerly gasps as she looks around the beautifully decorated bakery.

"You seem more eager than me, why don't you pick something out? And I'll pay for it." He suggested, looking around the bakery as well.

Y/N gasps at his suggestion, as if she's offended. "Nooo! It's your birthday! You should pick. And I'll pay for it! You shouldn't be buying your own birthday present."

Levi cracked a slight smile at her protests, before returning to his normal dead face.

"Alright, alright. I'll pick something out. Only because you keep persisting."

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The pair spent the rest of the day looking around the town, occasionally entering a shop to buy something. Both of them went back to the base, hand in hand. Levi carrying the heavy presents while Y/N carried the smaller, lighter, presents.

They sit in front of a roaring fireplace, tea and a shared pasty in front of them. Her head on his shoulder. His hand gripping her waist softly, pulling her close to his warmth.

"I hope you had fun today, Levi. Even though we did nothing too special. I still hope you enjoyed yourself."

"I did, thank you. For everything. For celebrating my birthday and spending time with me. For putting up with my nonsense all this time."

He hesitates to continue, but decided against it.

"And.. thank you, for loving me. Just as much as I love and adore you."

He admits, waiting for her reply. Looking at the fireplace.

His world briefly comes crashing down as he's met with no response. That's it! He took a leap of faith and he instead fell-

Levi hears a few small snores coming from the girl resting her head on his shoulder, body relaxed and asleep. He smiles ever so slightly and kisses the top of her head.

Yeah, Levi would go through hell and back, He would go through all of the shit life has planned for him, as long as it meant that he would be able to spend his god-forsaken life with you. As long as he'd be able to experience nights like this, with you.

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All rights reserved © l0velym1a || Do not copy, translate, alter, repost onto other apps/medias my work without my approval + credit.

[prodixal]

"Alright Cersha, if it pleases you to get worked up over every minor inconvenience I shall not stand in your way." she was exhausting, truly. Her vigilance, and constant need to stay ahead of everything and everyone was tiresome to observe -- he could only imagine how much more tiresome it must've been to live. But at this point, Varyn supposed if his dear sister did not have anything to worry about, she would simply explode. Or implode. Collapse, cease to exist. "You resemble our lord father more every day. Perhaps if you were to truly impress your marriage prospect you ought to take a step back and assume some favourable traits of our late mother. You are far too cold and much too sharp -- I cannot imagine being stuck in a marriage with you and hoping it would bring up any sort of happiness."

Varyn wasn't trying to be cruel. In fact, he was trying to be helpful. With wine between his lips, smoothing out his throat, he reminded himself no one else would dare voice these opinions to her face.

"You are smarter than I, dear sister, we are both aware -- but I feel I must remind you that no matter how logical and favourable the arrangement of marriage might be, those who have souls -- and 'm speaking of Vaelora here, not you -- long for some sort of love and connection and intimacy, on a deeper, perhaps even a subconscious level." he is being brutally honest, the kind of honesty he only ever afforded his sister. Showing a side of himself, only she ever got to see. "You may know everything there is to know of Vaelora, and say all the right words. You may present yourself, our family, our gold, our usefulness to the crown in the most perfectly packaged manner. But, dear sister -- can you make her love you? Because that --" he taps the table beside him, eyes focused on hers. "That is where true power lies. If you can get them to love you, you can get them to do anything. To overlook anything."

It was a skill, like any other. Varyn knew a thing or two when it came to love. He knew how to inspire it, how to use his charisma, his charms, his words to get strings of other peoples hearts to attach to his own. He knew how to look a woman in the eye, and tell her whatever it is she wanted to hear. And he knew, above all else, how to stay detached. For love was only there for the taking. Giving it -- it was too great a risk. The kind of risk he was not willing to take. He would not fall prey to.

"I've never asked. But what is it you want Cer? Power, I understand. But that cannot be all, surely?"

When the topic switched back to him, he finished his cup and gestured to the chair beside him. She would need to be sat down for this. He poured himself another, and then let a sigh of anxiety he'd carried on for most of the day, lift off his shoulder. He slouched, almost, a rare sight to behold and with his thumb and index finger he quickly pinched the top of his nose before falling into his story.

"You have heard of my exploits in Dorne. I'm sure. Twice I caught your very own spiders in my way, ever watchful." he did not care that his sister had her eyes on him, no matter where he went. He always assumed it brought her ease, knowing his movements. But she did not know...everything. "When I was training, I became acquainted with one Lady Dayne. A southern beauty, just as I like them. Long dark hair, violet eyes, olive skin. I must say, she left me rather breathless." his brows raise and he will speed up the story knowing his sister will hold no patience for poetics. "She did not fall for my charms instantly. Suppose you could say I wore her down. One thing...then another and...well, we are both adults, you can assume how this story should end."

He gives up the cup now, and takes a hold of the bottle instead. "I was growing rather fond of her, so I decided to leave Dorne. I'm sure father would have orchestrated a marriage alliance instantly should he gotten a whiff of our affair, so I did not return home yet." there's a pause. "Then a raven came in the night. Informing me of Lady Daynes unfortunate new...condition." Cersha would understand. "I burnt it."

Leaning forward in the chair, he feels lighter after his admittance. "I put it out of my mind. I am not the first, nor the last lord to sire a noble bastard." it would have been nice if it all just ended there. "All that is to say, Lady Dayne is now here. As is the babe. And I have barely managed to avoid a scene in the gardens by lying to her face I held no knowledge of her...predicament. Needless to say she's bound to find the truth eventually, but until then I should hope to find a way to resolve this situation without sullying our precious name." He had purposefully avoided mentioning the inexplicable bond and connection he felt towards the child. "There. Feel free to scold me now, I should welcome it for once."

Finally, he will relax and switch back to Cershas pressing matter. "What did she say during your meeting? Must have been something to have you feeling so...out of depth?"

" THERE IS A SIGNIFICANT AMOUNT OF ISSUES TO WORRY OVER AT THE MOMENT , VARYN . i assure you i am not seeking them out , they are very clearly there ." cersha bites out in response . she refuses to answer his question however , mostly due to the fact that she'd rather chew off her own foot than acknowledge that her brother is right , especially aloud . so instead cersha merely huffs a frustrated, " but of course there are no issues to you . after all , you close your eyes to them ." sometimes cersha wishes she could do the same . what a pleasure it must be to live thoughtlessly . fools must experience so much peace . she would almost envy them if she didn't deeply pity them . cersha can't help but roll her eyes as her brother continues , a hand moving to smack him on the bicep with an annoyed cluck of her tongue . " and you ?" cersha asks with an arch of her brows . " there are equal parts great beauty and great intellect between telessa and i , and yet all you have is grand confidence and apparently abysmal taste to your name . it is a great wonder why your younger sister is betrothed before you with such qualities under your belt ." cersha makes a point of sighing deeply as she looks out into the distance before the stairs , tiredly adding, " whatever will we do with you ?" in all honesty , cersha doesn't mean any of it but that in itself is irrelevant . in a battle of wit with one's brother the best course of action is to go lower and strike harder , and cersha refuses to lose in that respect . she refuses to lose in any respect truly . and perhaps that is what found her in line to be queen , but it may also very well be what led to her being here , sitting in a stairwell with her brother fretting over factors that she cannot control . it is with quickness that her head sharply turns to varyn as he continues , her glare sharp with instant focus . it is with an efficient shift in her seat that she moves to stare him down , her voice lowering into another hiss as she says , " ... varyn . if you dare to bed any of the targaryen sisters whilst we are quite literally here to announce my betrothal to the eldest of their house i may truly have to consider wringing your neck ." cersha tilts her head to ensure their eyes meet , her gaze intense with warning . " do you hear me ? this is not a jest . i will kill you ."

while cersha may not know nearly as much about vaelora as they would like , she knows much still . whispers of their protectiveness of their siblings was amongst the information that she'd collected , and well , varyn of all people bedding one of them surely would be trigger for such protectiveness . for just an instant she pleads with the gods to spare her . but then varyn continues , and it is as if those same gods laugh in her face . perhaps , it is her own fault for leaving herself at another entity's mercy in the first place . " ... what is it ?" cersha's tone is bland in waiting , her expression already twisted into something strained in anticipation . there is so very little chance that whatever is about to come out of her brother's mouth is good news . as she follows him her mood only sours further . she can feel the beginnings of a headache building up , just at her temples . suddenly , just for an instant , she wishes she were an only child . how peaceful would that be . the thought is left behind with the door closing behind them , but cersha is sure it will return again before their conversation is over . " yes , well , i intend to have control of the latter for as long as it suits me ." cersha replies with a tight smile that quickly drops . after all , it was only useful to do so . there had to be things that vaelora wanted , things that they enjoyed . cersha was quite sure she was beginning to gather an understanding of that , and if she had to sheath herself in lamb skin for a few years or decades to achieve her goals , then so be it . after all , it wasn't like she hadn't already been doing so in some capacity for majority of her life . it truly wouldn't be too grand of a transition . but as varyn offers more cersha can only study him thoughtfully , her gaze considering before she's nodding almost gratefully . " ... let me know what you find ." cersha replies in lieu of a thank you . she moves to fill her own goblet of wine as she says, " thusfar , i have a more than a few whispers and telessa , who is quite close to them ." cersha takes a large enough gulp of wine to be impolite that she truly only allows herself due to the current company . it's only after she swallows that she adds , " however , i feel it is not nearly enough now that i've met them once again ."

[transmascutena]

thinking about how akio sees his younger self in utena and wondering if there's any fondness there. doesn't change the horror of what he does to her obviously but i do wonder

[a-really-cool-blog-name]

KOSA won't help kids, it's just a violation of the first amendment.

(sorry if I got any of the facts wrong in this meme I'd love to know the correct information)

[styrofauxm]

so the thing about roommates is that you get to find out first hand that their parents' unwarranted criticism was actually very warranted.

My roommate told me before we moved in together that her dad would get very frustrated at how she did the dishwasher. And I was thinking it was a case of personally disliking the location of one or two items but they all do get clean. No. She is fully putting bowls at an angle to collect water and shit.

[theheadlessgroom]

@beatingheart-bride

"Pa and I used to go to the park on our days off," Susannah recalled with a soft, fond smile, her arm wrapped around Philippe's waist as well as they walked. With a full belly and the dreamy darkness of the park around them, she was in good spirits, able to live in the moment, as well as look back on her past with an easier heart.

"We'd either go very early or very late-when there'd be fewer people around," she remembered, kicking a stray pebble off the path: Nothing quite spoiled an outing like the snide looks or annoyed grumbles, so it was better to go when it could just be the two of them. "Sometimes, we'd pack a sort of picnic breakfast or dinner with us, and find a nice place on the grass to eat and talk. Sometimes Pa would bring a book and read aloud from it, and...sometimes we'd watch the sun rise or set.

I...I haven't done it in forever," she confessed, rubbing the back of her neck as she admitted to this. She stopped going to the park so often after her father died, oftentimes opting to instead coop herself up in the house. It just didn't feel the same without him, but maybe now, with Philippe in her life, maybe it was time to start anew. To start going again, and watching the sun the way she used to. To look at it as something beautiful, a grand part of nature, and not the frustrating herald of another long day...

[seaofreverie]

So the thing with seeing your favourite band live is that you will never ever feel normal about any of the songs that you heard them play then. Caught up on the tmbptmbg marathon today and it felt like being punched in the gut repeatedly (slash positive... but also aargghfhgg painnnn. You know)

[cattywampers]

its not like a perceived sensation of rejection or responsibility for loss (or just loss Normal) isnt the underlying factor in almost every single non-dying loop or anything. surely that wouldnt be the case right. Haha

[smile-files]

this might be a hot take... but if you care about disavowing media made by bad people out of fear of looking like a bad person yourself more than you care about actually doing good things... you might have your priorities (and your morals) screwed up a bit :/

(see my tags for more of my thoughts on this topic! please try to avoid making make bad-faith assumptions about what i mean!)

[amplexadversary]

I'd say the one exception to my personal disrespect for gatchas is located on the forums of Flight Rising; Icedom's Blanket Fort of Ends (aka Nyatchapon) and similar games.

Aside from paying a portion of the in-game currency you can get from playing puzzle games on the site it's more or less Neko Atsume; when the fort is open, you pay to get visits from cats and pixel animals, optionally with a bribe (cat toys) to attract certain ones, with a spreadsheet to track who you've collected.

Anyway I'm stoked because I got like five new guys this week, which is pretty great considering I have most of the available pixels.

I respect the fuck out of that game because the cost is trivial (like 15min of doing puzzle games if you're quick), they don't do FOMO shit, and they actively take measures against excessive spending.

[whippetcrimes]

We started the session being comfortable putting our nose in and then immediately pulling back for a treat. We end our session comfortably (loosely) bucked in