#....ok shut up na ako

[datura-tea]

was going to make a real hater-ass post about this indie komiks guy whose komiks i don't like but who is getting published internationally by [redacted] but it's lent and so i'm restraining myself from saying what i want to say and instead i'm wishing him all the best

[smjhyunxau]

Chapter 1, Part 2

"Introduction"

Continued:

Noah: So anyways, the coffee and food is delicious

Noah: I think it's time for me to go

Leo: What!!! Your going already?

Liam: Yeah it's too early

Noah: Susunduin ako ni kuya Steve(Choi Soobin).

Liam: Why?

Noah: My parent's wants me to have dinner there

Liam: Aw, pumayag ka?

Noah: Hindi, pinilit lng ako ni kuya

Liam: Alam niya ba niya na nadito ka?

Noah: Yeah, tenext ko siya just a while ago

Liam: Aw

*Noah's brother car pulled up into the parking lot*

Noah: Eyy, he's already here

Steve: Hey there bro, let's go

Noah: Ok!

Noah: Aalis naako, Bye!

Liam and Leo: Ok, get home safe!

Noah: You two, get home safe also!

Liam and Leo: Yeah we will!

*Noah and his brother left at the Cafè*

Ezra: Soooo

Ezra: Uhmmn he forgot to pay

Liam: Oh

Leo: Kami nlng babayad

Liam: Yeah

Ezra: Oki!

Ezra: Anyways, his brother looks so familiar

Leo: You don't know?

Ezra: What do you mean?

Liam: It's your brother's "Boyfriend" HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Ezra: Oh, that's why he is so familiar

*Liam and Leo was shocked because Ezra has no reaction from it all*

Liam: You're not shocked?!!!

Ezra: No

Ezra: He is literally my brother's boyfriend

Ezra: I've known it all since they we're freshman

Leo and Liam: WHAAATTTTT??!?!

Ezra: So Yeah I'm going back to the cashier

Liam: Yeah yeah

*Ezra goes back to the cashier*

Liam: That was uhm something

Liam: We must tell this to Noah

Leo: Yeah yeah

Leo: He always tease his brother, but I guess it's real

Liam: Yeah

Liam: So we'll tell him tomorrow?

Leo: Yeah!

*At Steve's Car*

Steve: Oh I forgot, I gotta pick up Daniel(Choi Yeonjun) on the way home

Noah: Your Boyfriend?

*Steve cheeks blushed*

Steve: N-No, he's just my friend

Noah: Come on! Everyone from you're room knows that you both have something.

Steve: WHATTT!????!!

Steve: Besides, that's not true, you're just talking nonsense, where just gonna doing a project, and nothing more

Noah: Yeah sure

Noah: Pero, project lng ba talaga gagawin niyo?

Steve: What do you mean?

Noah: I mean, maybe there something both of you wanna do?

*Steve cheeks blushed*

Steve: Sh-Shut up!

Noah: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Steve: Stop it!

*Later that, they pick Daniel up*

Daniel: Sup Bro!

Steve: Yeah

Noah: Oh hey Daniel

Daniel: Hi there Noah

Steve: So how are we gonna make the project

Daniel: We can plan that after we reach your house

Steve: Fine by me

Noah: Hmnnnnnn

Steve: What?

Noah: Nothin'

*Noah and Daniel stared eachother, and they laughed so hard*

Noah: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Daniel: HAHAHAHAHAHA

Steve: Bat kayu tumatawa?

Daniel: Wla lng HHAHAHAHAHAHA

Steve: Umayos kayu, ilalamba ko kayu, umayos kayu

Daniel: Sige aayos na kami

Noah: Yeah

Noah: So I'm just gonna eat dinner at house and go to my apartment after that

Steve: Why? Mom and Dad miss you so much, and I think they really are sorry about what happened back then

Noah: I'm just gonna eat dinner there, ok?

Steve: Hayssttt, sige

*Nakauwi na sila, binati sila nang mga magulang ni Noah at Steve*

Noah's Mom: Daniel! Welcome! You're here again, as usual HAHAHAHA

Daniel: Hello Auntie!

Steve: Hey Mom! Hey Dad!

Noah's Mom: Hi there boo

Noah's Dad: Hey there son!

Noah: Mom, Dad

Noah's Mom: Hey there pup, how are you?

Noah: Fine

Noah's Mom: Uhm, let's go inside?!

Everyone: Yeah!

"At the dinner table, nag-uusap sila, habang si Noah tahimik lng. Natapos na silang kumain, Steve and Daniel went into Steve's bedroom, while Noah is getting ready to go to his apartment, his mom saw him naghahanda nang umalis"

Noah's Mom: You're going already?

Noah: Yeah! I'm going now.

Noah's Mom: But it's to early

Noah: I have homework to do

Noah's Mom: But it's weekend tomorrow

Noah: I'm going to do it, so I can go to the library tomorrow, and me and my friends have to do our projects tomorrow

Noah's Mom: Oh, be safe going there okay?

Noah: Yeah, Bye!

Noah's Mom: Goodbye, Love you!

Noah: Yeah, Goodbye

"Noah left at the house. Noah's Mom watch Noah getting in to the Taxi, Noah's Mom tears fall down while the taxi Noah is in are going, Steve saw his Mom crying, so he goes and comfort her."

"Nung naka abot na si Noah sa apartment niya, gumawa siya agad ng assignments, pagkatapos niyang gumawa ay maya-maya humiga siya sa kama at natulog."

"Maagang gumising si Noah, habang nagluluto siya ng kaniyang ikakakain may nag alarm sa doorbell ni Noah, akala ni Noah na dinalaw siya ng kaibigan upang gumala, nagtataka si Noah dahil bakit maaga sila pumunta, dahil usapan nila ay mga 1 o'clock sa hapon, pero pagka-open ni Noah sa door ibang tao ang na sa labas, hindi ang kaniyang mga kaibigan kundi si....."

Ezra: Uhmmn Hi!........

To be continued in next episode:

[benefits1986]

Sleepyheadzzz

Sleep or perish.

Tuned in again to DOAC and I was cradled into a solid siesta. When I woke up, the topic was about how low the chances of getting babies are when aging. Yas. Hello, perimenopause, I guess? Obviously, I shifted gears because that was but a suggested content, anyway. Kaloka. Sunday na Sunday, 'di ba po? Andami pang labada, kung anu-anong sinasabi.

So, let's tackle something more practical and sensible. This female sleep doctor fleshed out how sleep is essential in the performance of athletes, students, founders, and the like. I can't help but laugh because I used to talk about sleep ages ago for a brand I handled. Sleep. It's something I enjoy, however, aging seems to be a bitch gone bitchier. There'd be days when I try to pay back my sleep debt, but, we're kinda clunky. The sleep doctor herself shared that since she has a baby, she has her demerits, too. I find this amazing and crazy. Career women moms are the legit heroines, after all, ain't they?

I also remember one film that was recommended to me which is The Science of Sleep. The one who recommended it was an insomniac himself. GAH. Tawang-tawa ako nung ni-recommend niya with feelings. Jusq. I told him that he needed to shape up or perish. He added Amelie, of course. And syempre, chugadoog na naman siya. LOL. Kidding aside, oks naman both films. Oks lang. Ganern. Pa-deep. Pa-visual delight. Pa-eme...lie. LOL. ULOL. Hahahaha. Syempre, nagpa-come back tayo ng What Dreams May Come. TABI. Hahahaha. Finish na. Next.

And so, how's my sleep this H2? Way better. Though I rarely get 8 hours of sheer delight with my eyes shut, it's definitely more relaxing. While I usually wake up around 3 AM because KD (my third kiddo) has this weird way of telling me he pooped again, it's totally fine. There were even ungodly hours when I checked the mirror to see if Mother Dragon sent her warm regards. Sadly, all I see these days is her haircut and color staring back at me. I still don't believe that we look alike that much.

My small win for this arena is I get to sleep longer and deeper na! I tried sleeping in a super dark room earlier this year and it led me to a deeper and darker spiral. LOL. Siguro, I hate sleeping in the dark because my imagination is overactive. While the sleep doctor shared that sleeping in a dark room and setting the mood to get high-quality shut-eye, not for me talaga.

How can I say that my sleep quality is better? I can sleep while the lights are on. I can also sleep with the sound of the TV or speakers, even. I can also sleep in a cinema even when Wolverine is ripping. I can also sleep like a baby na ulit. HUHUHUHU. Galing 'di ba? So, I think, I can safely share that indeed, I'm shaping up na ulit. Unti-unti. Tuloy-tuloy lang. SANA. EMS. What I realize is I can't sleep because I don't feel safe. Ganun lang. By safe, I mean, my safe space. Period.

Side Note: I was able to sleep a few hours after mom expired back in 2012. I didn't feel unsafe, then. And, that's how much I value sleep din. I told mom pa nga, paki lang na patulugin ako kasi nga, para maggawa ko lahat ng bilin niya sa mga sumunod sa araw, linggo, buwan, taon, at dekada ng mga utos niya. So, that's my benchmark when I saw "safe space" talaga ang root cause ng nakaraang sabak.

These days, I try my best to bed rot without feeling super guilty about it. Funny how I used to abhor bed rotting because weekends meant being out and about, always. However, when I realized that rest is essential, for real, here I am making amends to my homebody body. I no longer resent being cloistered at the house where Mom expired. OPAK. LAKAS. Hahahaha. The 12-year wait is now panning out better and a bit brighter, I guess.

However, I really need to hack my sleep because this noona is gonna bike outside MNL with not one, but two alpha kiddos. Ganun na lang muna even when there are times when I imagine myself just dying because of lack of decent rest. Don't get wrong. Stay with me as a share that while SI is still rocking and rolling, I am finding my way back into hope. Yep, hope. That's the word I'd like to revisit and give another chance to. Let's hope that I keep trusting the process. AMOR FATI as they say. Pa-deep. Let's keep hoping that one day, this too shall pass all for the greater good.

And while I don't really have the fucks to give these two alpha kiddos, the thing is that these babies are super ingrained in my insides. I raised their dads while I was pretty much learning how to ride a BMX bike ages ago. While I don't like kids, spending limited time with them makes me see a different perspective no matter how much I invalidate it. Maybe, that's the Ate in me that I can never CTRL + ALT + DEL. Maybe, just maybe, those are my inner children telling and reassuring me to heal this shitshow because I can be a decent Ate and Noona naman talaga kahit ayokong aminin. LOL. SHEMAY KAAAA. Monday na tapos ganyan ka pa mag-isip?

Also, McQueen thingamajigs are calling for my taga-sideline. Again, sideliner lang me sa paganaps with him because we're learning the ropes of healthy boundaries. Since I'm a recovering avoidant who is sadly a give na give giver (UGHHHH), I really need to manage my expectation and realities. McQueen and I are yet to sit down and "talk" like adults. So let's see! Abangan!

[enlokitty]

badtrip ako sa mga nagsasabing ok na parking ko kahit d naman pantay kasi babae naman daw ako. what if shut up nalang kayo kasi kahit gaano ako katagal magpark gusto ko talaga maayos ako magpark? ang misogynist niyo po tangina niyo HAHHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA iniwan ko tulay sasakyan kahit di ako satisfies sa parking. tbh hirap pag maliit. d ko talaga nakikita huhuhu hayst

[fihnsworld]

SCHOOL UPDATE!!!!

FUCK COLLEGE, yep I mean the new experiences are cool, I'm into that yet the stress caused by schoolwork is not it!! Kapagod syaka specially pe, hayup, naeenjoy ko young pe kasi it gets me physically active pero yung pagod after sessions inde HHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA So the environment? I mean my classmates are chill enough, may tinatago lang na katoxican WAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAH shut up nalang ako pag may naririnig or nakikita. Stress na nga sa sarili pakialaman ko pa buhay ng iba, I mean if they do shit that could compromize others syempre indi ako mananahimik. Cms are ok??? i guess HAHHAHAHAAAH they talk to me even though I basically ignore everyone kasi pagod me makipagsocialize sa iba. Rather put my studies first nalang muna bago ako makipaginteract HAHAHHAHAHAHAA LAPIT NA MIDTERMS JUSKO NASTRESS NA ME HAHAHAHAHAHA. Basically, j's under a lot of stress, mental health is surely not good AHHAHAHAHAHAHA that i even try to distract myself by watching shameless just to get away from my studies. Yeah I know that doing it is not good but I think it's my way of taking rest. Well that's the update, wish me luck as exams hope walang dos, still aiming for latin honors HAHAHAHAH (also sa lablyp syempre, baka naman HAHAHAHAAHA)

[pisayers]

Smirnoff Bottles

The Smirnoff bottles were organized in a neat pile on the plastic table as the moon overhead shone bright in the night sky. My sandals creaked on the tiled floor, sticky with a concoction of various forms of alcohol and vomit. I spot the landlady passed out on the couch, her fingers stained with Cheetos dust and different empty glasses of Embassy whiskey on the coffee table next to her. Guess even she couldn’t resist joining the house party.

My dad always told me that for every bottle of beer that you drink, there is always a story that stands out, and boy! This was a night full of stories. With nine bottles of Smirnoff Mule still circulating in my tummy, some of which wanting to leave through my mouth, I got up to the rooftop to get some fresh air. I needed to reflect on the night.

1st Bottle

Elena sat next to me with a martini glass dangling on her fingers. With her purse still draped around her shoulder complimenting the all black dress and stilettos, she sat down and crossed her legs, stretching her right arm and accidentally slapping me on my forehead.

“Ay! Sorry.” she shouted.

I rubbed my temples to soothe the slight pain. “Oks lang.”

A deafening silence permeated between the two of us. My introverted ass could not think of a topic to save my life, but I wanted to at least have some small talk with her before we all graduate in a few days. The last impression is just as important as the first one, in my opinion.

“So, may jowa ka, ‘di ba?” I asked. Not the best icebreaker question. I know.

Taken aback, she mockingly put her sharp black polished nails on her chest and looked at me with wide eyes.

“Meron na. Ikaw?” Almost instantaneously, she recoiled back to her crossed leg position.

“Wala pa.”

“Awww okay lang ‘yan. ‘Di bale sa college marami ‘yan.”

“Sana.” I nodded.

The deafening silence came back. We stared at each other, begging the other to continue the conversation beneath our eyes. At last, she jerked back up to ask another question.

“Alam mo bang nagkacrush ako sa ‘yo last month?”

I spat the Smirnoff all over the coffee table. I downed the remaining mule in the bottle, got up, and left in mock disgust. Elena chuckled.

Cheers to all the what could have beens in our romantic stories.

2nd Bottle

I sat on the black couch with Kenzie, her glittery turtleneck sweater dancing in the chandelier lights above us. Clasped around her hand was a small glass of what seemed to be Empecoke, and I added more of my Smirnoff as a joke.

“Huy! Gago ka. ‘Wag.” she shouted.

We both drowned in a sea of snickers and smiles. She took a small sip and with eyes lit up, she handed the glass over, beckoning me to try it out. I try the concoction and swallow it with a painful expression all over my face.

“Ba’t siya maalat?” I yelled.

“Hindi lang ‘yan Empecoke, eh. ‘Di ko lang alam kung ano pang linagay ni Elena, pero halu-halo ‘yan.”

“Iniinom mo ta’s ‘di mo alam kung ano nahalo?”

“Oms.”

We both drowned in a sea of snickers and smiles once more.

Cheers to all the acquaintances that will disappear from our lives in a few days.

3rd Bottle

As I was walking back to the coffee table, I heard a shriek from the right side of the room. Amidst the blasting karaoke of Gloc 9’s verse in Bagsakan, I shambled my way over to find Minney draped in the arms of Rona on one side and patted on the back by Sara on the other.

“Oks lang ba kayo dito?” I asked worriedly.

Out of nowhere, Minney got up, pointed at me, and shouted a clusterfuck of profanities and curse words that struck me to my core with confusion. As Rona got up and pulled me away, Sara pulled her back down to her chair, nearly toppling both of them over. I keep asking Rona questions, but she keeps nudging me farther and farther away until we reach the bathroom. She slammed the door shut behind us and swung the lock to the side. Without context, it looked like I was about to lose my virginity. Considering the circumstances, however, I was prepared for an argument.

The bathroom was a mess. Pitch darkness surrounded us along with wafts of ammonia and alcohol. Whatever spillage was beneath me seeped through my sandals, damping my feet with and turning them soggy. I could faintly see the outline of Rona’s body, her dark hair falling down to her shoulders and what seemed like her arms crossed together.

“Anong ginawa ko?” I asked.

“Wala. Nagdradrama lang siya.”

“Ba’t mo ‘ko hinila dito?”

“Para makalimutan ka muna niya saglit.”

“Gaano katagal?”

“Five minutes lang.”

She whipped out her phone from her back pocket, a slight tinge of blue light illuminating her features. The yellow rims of her glasses shone in the blue light with a faint outline of what was on her screen being reflected on the lens. I could only make out that she was on Messenger, but I didn’t know to whom or what it was about.

In what felt like an eternity, Rona finally beckoned me to get out. I swung the lock back, opened the door, and like a vampire, was blinded by the chandelier lights and deafened by the chatter in the living room. I poked my head out to see if Minney and Sara were back on the chairs, but Minney was gone. Sara was alone, sipping on a piña colada and browsing GOT7 fancams through her iPad. Her face lit up every time Jackson Wang’s face popped up on the screen. I hate to interrupt, but I needed answers.

I tapped her on the shoulder.

“Sara, ba’t siya galit sa’kin?”

She looked up at me with glowing eyes and a bright smile. I immediately remembered those times when I had a crush on her in our junior years. Every ten-minute break, I would go up to her table and spit out the snarkiest and corniest lines I thought were flirtatious in my head at the time. Her two seatmates gave me eyerolls every time they could, but she loved it. Sadly, she didn’t reciprocate my feelings.

She replied, “Uhhh, wala naman. Bakit?”

“Umiiyak siya, eh? Parang may nagawa akong mali.”

She stood up and patted me on the shoulder. “Wala. Pramis.”

Just like that, she walked away with her iPad, a Minecraft parkour video on Tiktok playing on the screen. Clearly, she was hiding something and was too uncomfortable to share it with me.

Minney couldn’t leave my mind, though. The thought that I must have hurt someone somehow in my final year in high school made tears well up in my eyes. I froze in place, the last gulp of mule in the bottle getting warmer and warmer as time passed. At last, I drank the last of it, pretending to forget what just happened.

Cheers to all the people you have beef with. May your issues stay petty.

4th Bottle

To forget about the entire Minney situation, I went up to the rooftop to get some fresh air. The dark and ghastly clublike vibes on the living room were incomparable to the bright lights and symphony of laughter on the rooftop. A beer pong game commenced in front of the doorway, except instead of beer, the shots were filled with cognac brandy that was sure to knock someone’s socks off after the first sip. To the left of the beer pong table was a cobblestone bench with some of the most popular couples in the batch making out. I averted my eyes immediately. On the far end corner, however, was a barbecue grill with the smell of Jamaican jerk chicken making the partygoers levitate from their slightly inebriated state.

I squeezed my way through the crowd to find Abe in his hair net and apron uniform flipping a chicken leg with stainless steel tongs. Clinging to his forearm was Brenda feeding him one of several apple crumble muffins she made before the house party. Her pastries were always the best sellers on campus, and as a result, she even managed to save up enough money to enroll in a private university not far from Abe’s.

“Oh, hello! Are you enjoying the party?” he asked.

“I’m having fun. You?”

“Yeah. I’m just focused on getting our pulutan ready.” Damn. Even the pulutan was high end in their place.

“Yow, ‘usto mo ng muffin?” Brenda shouted.

My head started throbbing from the ringing in my ears. “Hindi, okay lang.”

Before I could even gossip with them for a little while, a young dark-haired woman with glitter mascara and green contacts pulled me into the cobblestone bench and started crying, burying half of her face on my lap.

“Aloe, okay ka lang?” I inquired.

She continued to release streams of tears into my gray joggers. I swear, this is going to look like pre-ejaculate once I get out of this mess. But I didn’t mind. We have vented a lot of our problems to each other for the past school year, and I don’t want to act like I didn’t value our friendship.

What followed was one of the longest tirades I have ever had to sit through in my life.

“You know, they’re fucking traitors! You don’t understand. Imagine spending so many years of your high school life thinking that you’re in a warm circle of friends when all of a sudden, they disown you like you’re a dog? I mean, what kind of friends do that?”

Aloe jolted her head upward, nearly colliding with my chin. Gone was the makeup she probably spent hours on before going to the party. It was now coated with a mix of tears, snot, and a painted background of her red cheeks and puffy eyes finalizing what looked like an image of a witch staring straight to my soul. Her arms were putting pressure on my thighs, her left dangerously close to my crotch. Sadly, the tirade continued.

“I mean, for the past few years, I’ve been improving upon my character again and again and again, but they just don’t see it? Are they fucking blind? You know what? I’ll find better people in college. People who will actually fight for me. People who…”

Without her noticing, I gently carried her arms, placed them on a passed out guy’s lap, and went back down to the living room, chugging a Smirnoff bottle and colliding with a couple of paintings on the way down. Her tirade fell on deaf ears for the rest of the night.

Cheers to lifelong friendships.

5th Bottle

From this point forward, I didn’t remember what was going on. The visions in my head about the party are getting hazier, and the interactions I had with the people there are becoming more and more unproductive. Luckily, my alcoholic genes allowed me to recognize this, and I decided to take this fifth bottle slowly, ducking my head through an open window to get fresh air.

Cheers to drunken stupor.

6th Bottle

Never mind. I guess I didn’t know any better. I didn’t even remember downing the entire 5th bottle in a matter of thirty seconds when Denise was shaking me by the shoulders to get me out of my trance.

“Hey! Wake up! Stop drinking so much!”

I managed to snap out of it and scan my surroundings. I was back down at the living room along with my other batchmates aiding in the creation of a jungle juice concoction. With one corner slicing all kinds of fruits and the other corner pouring a lifetime’s worth of gin and whiskey in the tub, I rushed to the jungle juice station to give some of it a try when Denise suddenly pulled me by my shirt from behind.

“Where are you going? Stop this right now!”

In slight frustration, I turned around and gave her the most murder-intensifying death stare possible.

“What do you want from me, Denise?”

“I want you to stop drinking for now.”

“Let me have fun!”

“You’re not okay!”

“I know what’s going on around me right now.”

“No you don’t! Just trust me, please?”

I resigned. No point arguing in what could possibly be one of our last nights as a batch together with someone who I wasn’t even acquainted with.

She ran towards the dining table and started sobbing, desperately trying to rub the tears away from her eyes.

“Hey, hey. Denise, what’s going on?”

“I just don’t want you to end up like dad.”

Cheers to the ones we have lost on our journey.

7th Bottle

I don’t even remember what chain of events happened that led me here, but Abe was now practically drowning me with a large teacup full of water to get me to sober up. The teacup was so comically huge that I thought it was Aladdin’s lamp at first. Word is that as I was walking down the steps to grab another glass of their trademarked jungle juice, I collided with a wall so hard that it created a peephole to one of the bedrooms. Then, when Brenda peeped through the newly created hole, a couple was spotted doing some… mischievous acts, to say the least. But that’s a story I don’t want to discuss for fear that I might get details wrong.

Cheers to unprotected sex, I guess.

8th Bottle

After a counseling session with Denise, I decided to leave her for a while and go back up to the rooftop with my mind fresher than ever thanks to Abe. Gone were the beer pong participants and the borderline baby-making shenanigans on the cobblestone bench. All that was left was Abe and Brenda by the barbecue grill, someone passed out on the balcony, and a select few bystanders who elected not to drink anymore.

I could distinctly hear the muffled sound of a man inside one of the rooms. His voice was deep, almost monotone, and possessed no change of intonation or emotion that I doubted if he was even a batchmate of ours. I barged into the door only to be met with Chris, a good friend of mine.

“Wazzap, pare!” he greeted.

We dapped up and he sat back down on the bed as if nothing happened. He picked up his phone and vigorously swiped at the screen multiple times as I sat down next to him and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, the Smirnoff bottle still dangling by my fingers. It was photos of our batchmates in the batch group chat.

One by one, the photos passed like a stop motion film as he kept swiping through. The Google Meet screenshots, the role plays that took two months of preparation, the random basketball games with bricked layups and airballed threes, the spontaneous mall outings, the notes in different colored ink, the cringiest memes, the band performances, the class suspensions brought by typhoons, the past couples who are now with entirely different people. My heart sank. A lump in my throat began to form. Tears started welling up in my eyes.

As if on cue, Chris looked at me and immediately wrapped me up in a tight hug. I couldn’t imagine all of this ending in a few days. The crossroads were starting to appear before me. To realize that most of the people in the house party were no longer going to be part of my life was devastating, but like the tears on my cheek, I had to keep flowing with the stream of life.

“I’ll miss you, bro.” I stuttered.

“Mamimiss din kita, pre. Kita kits sa Manila.”

Cheers to my batchmates. Hope the crossroads treat you well.

9th Bottle

Everyone was asleep. The EDM songs and howling laughter have now turned into the sounds of crickets and the occasional gust of wind. Bottles and cups were scattered on the floor, and birds began feeding on the remaining chicken and chips on the ledge of the balcony.

With my head pounding and my circadian rhythm being uncooperative, I got out of the room and back onto the rooftop, hoping to get drowsy before the clock strikes three o’clock. The landlady was sweeping the floors with a ragged walis tambo, giving me a death stare as I walked towards one of the cobblestone benches. I understood, though. With us making that much ruckus, I highly doubt she didn’t get any noise complaints from the precinct.

I spotted May sitting on the balcony, her legs tucked into her chest similar to a fetal position. The moonlight danced on her hair, cloaking the bare skin on her shoulders uncovered by her white undershirt. The way she leaned her head on her own knees gave her an almost delicate quality, something you should never approach, as if I was King Midas with my cursed touch. However, she was already in her golden hour. I could never forget the cherry red lipstick that complimented her pretty brown eyes. Those eyes. You could see the stars through their reflection.

I sat next to her, but something tells me that I’m not sleeping any time soon. Perhaps we could wait for the sunrise together. Perhaps the future won’t be so lonely after all.

Cheers to fantasized romantic futures that will never come to fruition.

[kararisa]

ATE KARA 😭😭😭😭 ok dba si rizal? katabi ko sya since first quarter (for reminders).

so back to the story: katabi ko si rizal - yung groupings namin based kung saan ka nakaupo, so kagrupo ko sya. yung president namin kasama namin so siya yung leader, ako yung co-leader. so pinalipat ng teacher namin ng grupo si pres/leader namin, kaya ako naging leader at may bagong co-leader. sino yung bagong co-leader? SI RIZAL. like gets ko kung baket, gusto sya ni ma'am, kasama sa with honors (kasama rin ako sa with honors shut up), at hndi sya pinagsasabihan ng mga teacher kase mabait sya. so like. yeah. co-leader ko sya kase ako yung leader. -rizal lover anon

HALA CO-LEADER MO SYA 😱😱😱 TAS WITH HONORS PA KAYONG DALAWA SHET

good luck na lang 🫡 im sure kaya mo yan

[arawanim]

"we're not a team who arrived here smoothly, but during the process, thank you for being beside us"

a (hopefully) clearer version of an animated gif i posted on my twt

[benefits1986]

Esteriffic

January 10 is never gonna be the same again.

I've staged a good number of birthday celebrations for my inang Ester over the years, especially when this black sheep returned to her sleepy town. Actually, I don't like surprises and birthdays, but our big family looks forward to it. It's not about being grand. It's about making ina feel appreciated since we're not big on affirmation, let alone, touchy-feel vibes.

I remember how we'd have legit fun in the small kubo with potluck ulam and panghimagas. I remember how I let her indulge in kanin, sisig, kare-kare, crispy pata and the works when she was 80+. I remember how we almost lost her to fever turned pneumonia, but she managed to wear her gown and walk in a room filled with over a hundred people during her 85th. I can never forget those.

And today is her birthday, her 89th, supposedly. I have very few photos and videos with her because I don't want to compete for attention since we're an extended family of 80+ and counting. Today, I am allowing myself to feel every bit of emotion in motion, while trying my best to let it be and let it go. I am trying my best not to shut down the sharp stabs, the tummy ache, the spinning head sensation, and the works. It's not about being emotional, but learning how to manage emotions slanted on grieving in a decent, in a humane way. 'Di ako makina. 'Di ako autopilot. As I am keying in the past two statements, naluluha na naman ako. HUY. Ang aga. PAUSE. Teka. Bwelo lang ako. HUY.

The same time this year, I joked about how I was having a tough time just because I can't deliver as much as my usual at work. I resorted to hard jokes laced with so much sarcasm and suppression that I built and rolled out. Looking back, it was such a huge and crazy mess. I tried downplaying this vulnerable side of me because I didn't want to be seen, felt, and heard. That's me fighting and fighting and fighting even when I'm spiraling. I could no longer take that back, nor would I like to take that back.

I guess that back then, I just needed a really hard suppression because it's too overwhelming and that I'm managing yet another terminally ill mother even when I'm a very bad girl. I guess it's pivotal because that was when I realized that this really bad girl still has a soft and hypersensitive spot for the family I thought I'd never go back to. I guess this is my grandest apology, the rawest and realest one, not because of utang na loob which I don't believe in, ever; but paying it forward and doing it because I have the experience and folio to back it up. I guess it's just me trying to make better and tougher choices for the greater good, but, what I failed to do is to provide context and be more intentional about how I pan things out. Ansakit isulat nito, but, I have to. I want to and I need to.

As my fourth anak-anakan told me: Ate, magpaalaga ka naman. Magpasabi ka naman.

This Caterie is inching and slugging on January Week 1 and 2. Hindi siya madali at all pero I hope that I'd be able to emerge na mas mabuting tao kahit onti lang. Kahit 1% improvement lang na consistent. May I focus this grief into something worthwhile for me and my audience of one. May I channel this emotional deluge in a calm and real surrender. Again, I'm not a machine. I'm not automated. I'm very human; very flawed. As the cursor blinks at me this kinda early morning, may I be reminded that blinks are glimmers. Sabi nga, when you're overwhelmed, blink and breathe more intentionally. It's super subtle since I don't blink a lot except when I get eye twitches from time to time.

Ganun na lang muna for today. OK.

Thank you, ina for always cooking for me, washing the dishes I don't want to wash (LOL) and for reminding me that: Simple lang ang buhay, apo. Simple lang ang buhay. Thank you for allowing me to help you pass on in the most decent way that I can with the full support of 50+1 family members. I wasn't easy as I know there's so much drama that are cutting and too deep I had to manage and neutralize. Thank you for holding on and letting go. Thank you for allowing me to face my mom issues even when I was but doing it kasi wala namang gagawang iba and that I've just been curious kung anong gagawin ng nanay ko sa situation na 'yun if she was still alive. Bobo ko rin talaga as a perpetually curious critter, noh? LOL. Seriously though, thank you for your silent and consistent faith, hope and love. May I carry your life lessons with me, unti-unti.

Enjoy your heavenly birthday! :)

[exoploring]

Spreading my thesis survey around and a friend of mine shared it and hearted all of my posts and I am struck with this unexplainable urge of confessing to him that I've found him cute since freshman yr and have a teeny crush on him for like always

[minnieves]

gamer huening kai version if its ok kasi wala pa nun 😅 english naman since walang nagrereq masyado kay kai and mukhang ako na ata ang suki mo 😂

- 🐧

hi suki! hahaha. based sa inbox ko yung 02-liners konti lang talaga :((. hope you enjoy this!

gamer!hyuka who asked you to play with him, but was asked to not team up with you. which means he needs to kill your character, and it seems like he made it his mission to only target you.

"hyuka!" you gasped, earning laughs from your teammates. you bit your lower lip and rubbed your face in annoyance. this is your 3rd game with them, the 2nd game where hyuka is not on your team. "how much do you hate me?"

"that's how we win!" he defended himself still playing. your screen plays the game they're on since you can't respawn until the next round. "play better!" he joked.

you puffed in annoyance. hyuka's too good in this game. showing you no mercy whatsoever despite being his 'best friend'. you reclined to your seat. watching hyuka and the others play. but who are you kidding? you're only watching hyuka.

"y/n is sulking look!" soobin pointed out, making you roll your eyes at his teasing.

you noticed hyuka looking at his other screen but you paid no mind to it. there's everyone here, he can't be looking at you.

staring at hyuka made you wish he wears something else other than those hoodies he wear. sure, he looks cute, but you want to see more. more than just his third leg when he wears lighter sweatpants.

"kill hyuka!" you urged your teammates making hyuka laugh manically. he's so oblivious at times, or is it because he doesn't see you as a woman? your eyes trail towards his fingers which furiously moves on his keyboard. how long does this stupid game last?

"aww, don't be a sore loser now y/n!" hyuka teased you. oh how you'd prefer to be sore another way with hyuka. how could someone look so pretty under the lights of his computer? he's not even trying or even suggesting to do anything, but here you are soaking your underwear for him.

"oh shut up!" you told him, faking your annoyance of him. earning a small laugh from the group.

you opened your phone to browse a little. while browsing, your eyes came by hyuka's picture that he sent you earlier. it was the one he took after he finished his shower.

"i'm hopping off." you told them. abruptly leaving, and shutting everything down. hyuka. hyuka. hyuka. is all you could think about right now, and he does nothing but kill you.

hyuka on the other hand is freaking out. thinking that he pissed you off because he kept killing you. with all honestly, you were the easiest to kill. not because you're weak, but because he trained you. he knows your weakness and could easily predict your next move.

you didn't expect that hyuka teasing you, over a game (!), could make you feel this horny. maybe it was beacuse he kept his opinions to himself all the time. maybe because the one who teases gets teased.

you closed your eyes, before hopping to the shower. as stand under the water. your thoughts are moving between how fluffy hyuka is with his hoodie, and how hot he was wearing a fitted shirt a few days ago.

you were muttering to yourself how you shouldn't touch yourself. but hyuka's very existence is making that hard for you. hyuka is your friend y/n! you scold yourself.

"who is it?" you shout at the top of your lungs when you heard continuous banging of the door and ringing of the doorway.

you wrap yourself in a towel, not bothering to at least dry yourself or your hair a little because of how furious the sound is making you.

"who the fuck-" your scream ceasing when you saw hyuka standing by your door. his hand mid-knock, the other still at your doorbell. hyuka's gaze moved down from your eyes to your exposed neck, collarbone, and shoulders.

"why the fuck are you naked?" hyuka said frustrated with how you look.

[lynihana]

Baji: hala! Bakit kelangan ko sumayaw Ng wellness wellness dance na toh >:(

Baji: aanhin ko ba yan. Di naman Ako tatalino Dan atsaka healthy na Ako uy

Chifuyu: baji! Ano daw yan dagdag grade daw ✨

Baji: gagawin mo ba?

Chifuyu: syempre, dagdag grade eh

Baji: chifuyu ikaw mag video sakin.

Chifuyu: ha? Ok.

Baji: *sumasayaw Ng macho dance style*

Chifuyu: baji Mali yan-

Baji: shut up! Tama tong ginagawa ko uy

Chifuyu: ‘kingina. Lord bakit ganto, may ginawa ba Ako sayo uy. Ayaw ko na talaga’

[hai-nakyuu]

sabayang pagbigk(ass) - (filipino!oikawa AU)

a/n: go get that 30 gagokawa (with special participation of pinsan iwachan, and homeboys matsukawa and makki) 5th for @lumpiang-toge​’s event

“PUTA OIKAWA HINDI NAMAN MAHIRAP SIGURO MAG-INARTE SAY IT WITH FEELINGS”

“PANO NAMAN AKO MAGKAKARON NG FEELINGS NAUBOS NA SAYO FEELINGS KO BABY Y/N”

“OIKAWA HINDI MOKO BABY”

“GAGOKAWA IF YOU DONT STOP HITTING ON MY COUSIN DI KA MAKAKAPASOK BUKAS”

“AY HALA SORNA IWACHAN”

you grumble and turn to iwaizumi. “kuyawa, ba’t ikaw lang pinakikinggan nitong hayop na to?”

“stop calling me kuyawa.”

“EHH NABUBURAT NAKO SA KANYA EH SINISIRA ARAW KO”

“kasi naman pinsan bat di mo pa sya sinasagot?” he frowns. “you like him, he likes you. tapusin nyo na kasi! Mag-MU na kayo!”

“M.U. ka dyan.” you roll your eyes. “taena nya bahala sya pag di sya umayos.”

“eh why don’t you flirt with him a little para ganahan sya?”

“kuyawa,” you groan. “it’s not going to work.”

“eh, do you have any other options?”

“why don’t you flirt with him, iiwachan~?” you mock oikawa’s tone.

“hoy, babe!” the brown-haired boy calls out. “only i get to call my iwachan iwachan!”

“pinsan, please, try mo lang.”

“alright,” you roll your eyes, then turn to oikawa. “oikawa, kung matapos natin to before 11 sabayan kita maglunch.”

oikawa stutters, wide-eyed in a fluster, before he squeals and jumps up.

“YES SINAGOT NAKO-”

“HAHAHAHAHAHA SASABAYAN KA LANG KUMAIN JOWA NA AGAD HAHHAHAHAHAHA”

“ehh mattsun shut up! masama ba umasa? Once lang naman naging nice sakin si Y/N ehh” he claps his hands and cups them over his mouth. “guys tapusin na natin to para maka-lunch date ko na si Y/N!”

you laugh as he inhales, getting ready to practice again.

“ok guys, on three! start ulit sa ‘kalayaan’! one, two-”

“Y/N promise ah?”

“sige na, sige NA! ONE TWO THREE!”

“kalayaan na tINANGGAL MULA SATIN NG MGA GAHAMAN SA YAMAN”

and suddenly, it’s like oikawa pours all his efforts into shouting the lines. In fact, you can see matsukawa and makki in the back holding back their smiles as oikawa dramatically cries out the piece with feelings.

out of the corner of your eye, iwa is coughing into his hand, trying not to disrupt the practice with his chuckles

but it’s not long before oikawa’s lungs tire out and-

“isang pusong puno ng kasamaan at saKET-”

oikawa slaps his hand over his mouth just as matsukawa howls out in laughter.

“PUTANGINA SINO PUMIYOK HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA” makki falls over on his stomach, finally losing his shit.

“AMPOTA NICE ONE OIKAWA”

“AYAN KASI FOCUS NA FOCUS SA CRUSH HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA”

“GANDA NA SANA EH HAHAHAHAHAHAHA”

“GUYS NATITILAOK NA KAYO HAHAHAHAHA WATER BREAK NA KAYA MUNA” iwaizumi wheezes out.

“IWA-CHAN painom nalang sa tubig mo!! naubos na akin ehh”

“oikawa,” you calm down from laughing, and tap him on the shoulder. “okay lang yan, onting strepsils lang makaka-90 tayo”

“ay, nako, babes,” he winks, finger-gunning, “sayo lang ako nagaganahan”

“oikawa do you know how not right that sounds” matsukawa gives him a dirty side-eye.

“mattsun WHY YOU GOTTA BE SO SAMA”

“POTAENA OIKAWA WAG KANG CONYO SASAPAKIN KITA”

“IWACHAN YUNG TUBIG MO LASANG TAP WATER” oikawa makes belat at his friend, then turns to you. “don’t worry babes, naglalambing lang ako kay iwachan. baka balang araw magiging cousin-in-law ko na yung tao eh.”

“ha? kakain lang sa razons’s kasal na?” you snort, and oikawa shakes his head.

“hindi hindi hindi!! nagpeprepare lang naman just in case. kasi mapagmasdan ko yung kagandahan mo, i can do ANYTHING!”

“wehh,” makki hoots. “di ka nga makapagdrama na hindi napipiyok eh!”

“hanamaki-chan kaya ko naman ahh! WATCH ME MABOBLOW AWAY KAYO LAHAT AND MAPAPASAKIN NA SI Y/N”

needless to say, medyo matagal-tagal pa bago kayo nakatapos.

[chickynn]

Chyke fluff headcanons I wrote for my meow meow rawr

hehehehee wrote this a while back but I really like it,, and since me and her are posting stuff from our selfship au now then I might aswell post these I wrote for her uwu

Childe boops Syke's nose a lot because he finds her reaction to it very endearing. Like if she gets flustered about it then she's screwed bc he can and he will display any little affection he can towards her.

Since it's established that Syke simps for him more than he does towards her... he's gonna deny it if someone said that even her lol. Mf probs think of it as a competition and try to "out-simp her simpness" ok bro

As soon as they started dating, u bet ur ass he's gonna show her off immediately to everyone except Dottore bc he feels like he's gonna kill him for dating his daughter i mean i feel like he doesn't really care but yeah.

HE'S SO LOUD AND HAS NO SHAME HE BURSTS INTO SOMEONE'S DOOR LIKE "omg I'm dating Syke now ayie" literally shut up you're so embarrassing

Syke, I understand if u wanna break up with him immediately,,thats why don't you date me instead ayie naniniwala-

Speaking of Childe being loud, he's very open about PDA. Altho he understands if she's uncomfy with that, he may or may not have kissed her cheek once in front of other people.

Encourages her to sit on his lap whenever he's doing paperwork in his office. He says it gets so boring and he wants company lies u just wanna cuddle her smh u simp

Oh yeah and about cuddles.

oh no.

Whines and pouts alot if she refuses to cuddle him in bed. Sir she has work poe u can't just- nevermind he already pulled her back to bed with him

Y'know i feel like Syke would try to give him some affections back too sometimes. Like since she's probs having a hard time communicating her feelingz, she mostly tries other ways to do it. Maybe write him letters :3

She'd write some cute words on a sticky note and pastes it in his office for him to see. He saw it once and he started squealing like an anime highschool girl calm down sir

Aaand i also feel like she would,, just give him lil trinkets she finds when she's out on a mission BAHDKFHD

HE KEEPS EM ON HIS TABLE IN HIS OFFICE AWWWW

but then he gets really angy whenever one of his underlings accidentally moved em by an inch

CALM DOWN JFC

Oh and ofc he's really protective of her. Not in a way that he doesn't believe she's capable of fighting for herself, i meant like in a way where he's glaring at every guy she makes eye contact to.

Literally butts into their convo like "oh yeah btw I'm his amazing and sexc boyfriend yuh so don't even think about it"

thats literally a little boy she's talking to c'mon man

he's so annoying but it's okay bc she loves him uwu ayie naniniwala na ako sa forever nasayo na ang lahat got to believe in magic

@sikrea hi iz ur babas

anyways i wouldve color coded the names but i got lazy BAHJASDHKJASD nyways hope u like em ehe

[quantumspacetime]

ok, so here's what's up

I'm currently lying in bed. I've been trying to sleep earlier than 3 am because I'm starting to feel a little woozy when I wake up at 6:30 am because I have work at 8 am.

But here's the thing...

Since my body clock is messed up, my mind is also active at this hour and it refuses to shut down--to give me peace for me to actually fall asleep.

What should I do?

huhu magjakol na lang ba ako huhu i honestly don't know at this point

love always,

Gerson

[kozutenshi]

HIII i heard you're open for reqs 👀 do you do songfics? bc i would love to see your take on Ligaya by Eraserheads with Oikawa KSHSJA yes i kinda looked at your profile and discovered na pinoy ka rin pala omg HAAHAHA i hope you're ok with this, if not, ok rin lang naman HEHEHE 💖 THANK YOUUU

aksnsjdb honestly nakikita ko siyang kumakanta ng ligaya like it fits him perfectly. i hope you enjoy this fic😌

★| ligaya

☾ tōru oikawa ☽

NOTE: since i couldn't seem to write a fic while applying the whole of the song's lyrics,, i decided to just get the idea of it😌✨

ligaya is one of my favorite opm songs its just so sweet and wholesome so i hope i gave it justice coz it will mean a lot😗

the song title, 'ligaya' means happiness :3

GENRE: fluff

WARNINGS: none

second year oikawa tōru hummed a small tune as he smiled upon himself. "what are you smiling for, shittykawa?" oikawa shrugged at iwaizumi. "i was just thinking of y/n." his friend rolled his eyes.

"you've had your eyes on her for a year and she never batted an eyelash on your way. do you really think she likes you?"

oikawa winced at iwaizumi. "you don't have to break my heart like that, you know! besides.." he tilted his head with a small smile on his face. "i'll make her fall for me, just you see. before we reach the start of our last year here in aoba johsai, she'll be with me."

iwaizumi knew there was no changing oikawa's mind so he just sighed. "then you better start now, trashykawa."

and he did just that. he had taken you out on dates, sang you songs, took you to his games and gave you gifts. you had thought he was just playing at first but when you witnessed him pushing away attention from other girls, you knew he was serious.

but you weren't convinced just yet.

ilang awit pa ba ang aawitin, o giliw ko?

ilang ulit pa ba ang uulitin, o giliw ko?

tatlong oras na akong nagpapacute sa'yo

di mo man lang napapansin ang bagong t-shirt ko

ilang isaw pa ba ang kakainin, o giliw ko?

ilang tanzan pa ba ang iipunin, o giliw ko?

gagawin ko ang lahat, pati ang thesis mo

huwag mo lang ipagkait ang hinahanap ko

oikawa questioned himself on what he was doing wrong. he had done everything he knew, even telling her how much he likes her in every date they go to. if lucky, he'll get a tiny blush and a soft 'baka'.

it's not that he was tired though. he was just getting impatient.

so he advances more, going as far as asking for your hand whenever the two of you walks together. he had met your parents after walking you home, had played with your younger siblings/cousins; he basically wooed your whole family.

they were all ecstatic to know that he had taken an interest in you.

and his small acts with your family made you feel overwhelmed with his affection.

it was working, alright. the way his face lights up every time your smaller, younger relatives ask him to play with them even after volleyball practice, the way he politely smiles at everyone and how he reserves a charming unique smile just for you; it made you feel honored and blessed to have him.

one day, iwaizumi and oikawa walked home together. "just ask her." normally, oikawa would skip half of practice to walk you home and go back to school but today was one of those rare moments he wouldn't since your parents had picked you up.

"it's not that easy, iwa-chan. she never responded to my affection clearly just yet, you know. she's goving mixed signals and that scares me." he sighed as he took out his buzzing phone from his bag. his eyes widened as he saw your name on the screen.

"answer it, dummy. dont just stare at it like that."

oikawa pouted at iwaizumi before answering.

as oikawa reached his home, he waved at iwaizumi and continued talking with you on the phone. the occasional chuckles from your end made his heart flutter but when he heard himself shout 'tadaima' through the phone, he blinked into silence.

"was that me or do you have another boy with you?" his voice had a tinge of jealousy in it and you could'nt help but laugh. you emerged from their house's receiving area, ending the call.

"okaeri." he looked at his phone, stumped before looking back up to you. "im dreaming?" you furrowed your brows and shook your head, fidgeting.

"pinch me." and so you did exactly that to him, making him wince loudly. "alright. this is definitely not a dream."

"i came here to tell you something."

"no. i should be the one telling you something."

"... then, you go first."

sagutin mo lang ako

aking sinta'y, walang humpay na ligaya

at asahang iibigin ka

sa tanghali, sa gabi, at umaga

huwag ka sanang magtanong at magduda

dahil ang puso ko'y walang pangamba

na tayo'y mabubuhay na tahimik at buong ligaya

he swallowed his nerves and took a deep breath before speaking.

"i've done a lot for you and i plan to do more just to woo you. if you're not satisfied with my efforts just yet, i will vow to satisfy you in the future. if you still don't trust me with your heart, that's alright but i promise to take care of it. i like you so much, n/n-chan," he paused then bowed. "so please be my girlfriend."

your face turned red immediately on his sudden confession. you were actually going to tell him about your answer but hearing him ask again made all your formed, prepared sentences incoherent. he noticed how you froze and how red you were and he straightened up, immediately putting his hand on your forehead.

"n/n-chan, did you come here with a fever? that's bad, you know?"

you shook your head and stepped back, feeling yourself turning calm again.

"oikawa, i came to tell you what my answer to you is."

now it was his turn to freeze. he feared you'd say no. his thoughts raced as he gulped nervously.

"yes."

he blinked. "come.. again?" you rolled your eyes, feeling yourself heat up again. "i said yes."

then he tackled you into a hug. "please tell me you're not joking." you lightly smacked him. "i don't joke around about this things, tōru."

he froze at the sudden use of his name but his smile grew bigger. his heard skipped a beat and his hold on you got tighter.

when you realized what you did, you stammered a weak apology which he found cute.

"c'mon n/n-chan. let's go eat dinner." he laced his hand with yours and led you in the house to find his parents, your family, and iwaizumi. he blinked at his best friend.

"your parents phoned me."

"how did you even get here, iwa-chan?"

"through the back door, crappykawa. did you expect me to miss this?"

he pouted. "you're starting to sound like a mom again, iwa-cha-" before he could finish, he took off immediately as iwaizumi chased him around the house like they're still children.

you smiled fondly before helping your boyfriend's parents into setting up the dinner.

bonus:

iwaizumi, catching up with oikawa, smacked him on his back. "iwa-chan! you're mean!"

"and im proud of you for finally asking her, shittykawa."

"you really do sound like a mom."

"shut up, trashykawa!"