#....i mean he actually could but that's not what i meant™ and you know it

[andy-clutterbuck]

LA TIMES - 2017

[musical-chick-13]

I'm the LAST person to suggest that you have to preface every single comment you make about a character/fictional relationship/etc. you like with a reminder that you Know™ it's pRoBLeMaTiC, but I DO question what the point of acting genuinely for real like there were no problems is.

[mixtapedoh]

and it was all yellow | y.j.

welcome back to SVTU ! lost your way? refer to our campus map for directions.

pairing: yoon jeonghan x gn!reader with guest appearances from c. seungcheol, h. joshua, w. junhui, and more !

word count: ~5.9k genre: neighbors to friends to lovers warnings: language, intermittent Lore Dumping™ (i have to kick us off into svtu somehow), jeonghan is a little shit, light suggestive themes (heavily lampshaded and perhaps only occuring twice?)

☄. *. ⋆

olive's notes: these individual headcanon sets are going to be very ~stream of consciousness~, so bear with me, here. second, cheol and jeonghan are brothers (and there's a secret third brother i'll introduce eventually, don't you worry), also, thank you for stopping by <3. now here's the content you signed up for.

☄. *. ⋆

now playing... ılı.lıllılı.ıllı. ... ⌜ angel baby — troye sivan ⌟

AND IT WAS ALL YELLOW ☄. *. ⋆

— it all started when jeonghan realized that jun was loaded.

now, don't get him wrong. it wasn't as though he had befriended jun because jeonghan had been looking for someone rich and easily persuaded. it's not like jeonghan used his ineffable charm to win over the quasi-cryptid that was wen junhui because of jun's apparent legacy funds.

not that jeonghan couldn't have done — he clearly had the persuasion and cunning to do it — he just didn't. jeonghan wasn't in need of someone else's money. please. he was very capable of taking care of himself, thank you very much, he was just also, however, very good at knowing things.

especially those things that could be used to his advantage.

— and well... wen junhui was loaded. wealthy as shit. a classic trust fund baby. a walking dollar sign that just so happened to share classes with jeonghan every year since he started SVTU as a political science major (of arts, of course. he hadn't taken latin in high school to not absolutely crush the romance languages in uni).

— you see, SVTU had this fun little program for long-suffering students interested in the government and manipulating it to their will wherein if you took merger courses — lectures that ate up a hell of a lot of your time and money but gave substantial credit hours that counted for both applied and allied course credit — you could get a jump start on your degree, be offered more opportunities for internship, and explore a subject's "many facets" through "multiple lenses."

to jeonghan, it meant working faster and harder so that he might graduate early and get into the actual politics of pol sci quicker — at a more “genius” and “revolutionary” age.

(half of politics, after all, was being appealing enough to make headlines. there wasn’t time to waste, in the long run.)

to wen junhui it had to mean something different — after all, jun was a pre-law student with a completely different career path from the other party involved (though jeonghan had considered law at one point in time — something he’s not above admitting though certainly not pining after). merger courses for him likely meant an expedited process to law school. but that was truly beside the point. an aside.

— what mattered in the end, was that jeonghan and jun had more than enough shared merger courses to go around, and in the process of things, had gone from strangers to acquaintances, then study partners (blame it on the fact that jun — the altruistic leaning bastard he was — actually tutored in his free time. willingly. as in, not a joke.) to committed group project members, and eventually to that nebulous thing called friendship.

ask them both when that final stage commenced and you’d get varying responses — jeonghan always far more generous than jun in such regards, but almost annoyingly so, like he wanted to be the one leaning more on the ridiculous.

— yes, it was quite a ways into their friendship when jeonghan learned that wen junhui, his sweet jun, was loaded. like, living alone off of campus in his own two bedroom apartment on the wealthy side of the city that prospered from the University Living Aesthetic™, loaded. as in, so loaded he could have easily found more than enough willing bodies to become roommates with him and help pay for the exorbitant expenses but simply decided against it because he hadn’t, and i quote “thought about it before.”

“never thought about it? jun. how much does this place cost?”

and jun had to think for a minute. genuinely think about how much he paid in monthly rent. “i suppose for a month’s rent i pay around… [REDACTED].”

and jeonghan was no stranger to dramatics, to be sure, but anyone else would have gaped the same as him. “[REDACTED]??”

"[REDACTED]."

"...shit."

— yes, jeonghan finding out that jun was loaded, living in a (rather well kept) apartment with an empty room, no roommates, and an assortment of (dying) houseplants that needed care, was truly the beginning of it all.

— after all, while the chaos settled in a year after the fact when he and joshua would finally move in with jun because of circumstances that aren't truly relevant to the here and now, all true origins start a little before dramatic changes. there's always a gentle precursor, something soft that sets the stage. rumblings of change are necessary forefathers to the strength of revolution; jeonghan learning that jun was a walking line of credit with property to his name and a work ethic that would make any professor blush was necessary groundwork for the events that would follow.

and goddamn, if things didn't follow.

— but i suppose, if we're back tracking all the way to jeonghan and shua moving in with jun on one very ill timed sunday (jun had an exam in his special topics in deviance, crime, & the law course the next day), we are also brushing up against jeonghan meeting you.

another precursor to the chaos that would follow. another tremor that would shake the ground and cause things to tumble.

— you also lived in the terraces on 17th and attended svtu. you lived on the same floor as jun — two apartments down from his, no less — and his first week there, you showed jeonghan the campus shuttle routes that passed right outside the complex (he'd come to learn that the domino route was the one you took most often, as it led right to the heart of the university, but the pinwheel route was also a convenient option for evening courses).

— you and jeonghan weren't friends right away. no, you were always a friendly face around the complex and a decent conversationalist when stuck in the elevator together, but it wasn't as though you and jeonghan became fast friends. you were just neighbors for a while; just another person grabbing mail on monday afternoons, stopping at the in-residence coffee shop on bleak wednesday mornings, ordering pizza on saturday evenings and giving joshua a slice after he weaponizes his big, brown eyes.

— and then came The Series of Fire Alarm Mishaps.

— you see, at some point in the middle of the semester, someone new moved into the apartment building, in the same hall as you and jeonghan. at first, you barely even noticed the change, and then they started cooking.

— which wouldn't have been a problem. if they had been good at it.

the first few times the (incredibly loud and not unreasonably sensitive) fire alarms from down the hall had gone off, it had been unfortunate - a mild nuisance that disrupted what jeonghan had been doing, and nothing more. but then, the first few times became multiple, and from multiple, came a pattern. every other day, at least twice, the fire alarm next door would go off. and it would always be at different times - breakfast, the afternoon, early evening, even sometimes at 1:28 in the morning. the fire alarm would sound, and while it would mostly be no longer than a minute or two, it was still enough to be irritating.

you and jeonghan talked about it every time you saw each other in passing, or just so happened to be taking the same shuttle to campus (which happened quite often, anymore, since jeonghan enrolled in an extra course to help him graduate all the sooner). your neighbor and that damn fire alarm. your neighbor and their inability to cook, yet unnecessary dedication to the craft. you both joked about the inevitability of them actually burning the apartment down.

— and then, one day, the fire alarm went off at 2:19, waking jeonghan up out of a dead sleep (he hadn't meant to fall asleep at his desk, and his neck would pay for it all the next day). he heard it, and immediately decided to ignore it, knowing it would stop soon.

but then it didn't.

at about 3.5 minutes of non-stop alarms, jeonghan was annoyed enough that he left his room and staggered into the kitchen for some water, where shua and jun were already waiting around, likely with the same idea (though it was clear that shua hadn't ever fallen asleep, and perhaps jun was in the same boat, though he'd changed into sweats and a light t-shirt).

at about 6 minutes, jeonghan opened the door to see if anyone else was, well... concerned.

and at 13 minutes, he was standing outside in the brisk autumn air, agreeing with jun as he whispered that if there wasn't an actual fire but just their talentless neighbor attempting to cook in the middle of the night, he was going to kill the bastard himself.

— and there, in the middle of all this stupidity — sleepily rocking back and forth from one foot to another — and on the other side of him, was you.

— and, well, when you offered to buy him and the rest of his roommates coffee at the convenience store that was just down the street, not far, he couldn't do much beyond say yes. what was he going to do? decline your offer?

and so all four of you walked to the convenience store and aimlessly wound your way through the almost neon colored aisles. jeonghan used the opportunity to stick to you like glue and get you to open up — about yourself and your roommates, both of whom had gone home for two weeks for (separate) family vacations (not that you were jealous. clearly the superior option was to stay at the apartment, embroiled in course work and standing outside at 2:00 am because of some loser neighbor who can't cook a singular meal without burning the building to the ground, and yet refuses to have anything delivered).

— in the end, the fire hadn't been bigger than something contained in the pan ("thank god," you had said, shaking your hands in lackluster triumph, "i have a physics exam next week. i need those notes more than you know"), but at only 4 months of having a new neighbor, someone new moved in within 2 weeks at most. and, after being neighbors for almost 7 months, you and jeonghan were decidedly friends.

after all, you bought him a triangular gimbap, ice cream, and convenience store coffee. jun had slipped away with just a banana milk (which he promptly paid back the next day), and shua nearly bought out the whole store once the two of you got to talking about the best midnight (and hours after) snacks lining the walls. at the least, he was indebted to you, which could only be solved by more trips to the convenience store with more mindless conversation, and more time for the both of you to endear yourself to the other.

and the way jeonghan saw it, friendship at that point was inevitable. especially when, at the start of the next semester, you and jeonghan both had an early morning class and used the domino route to get to class via campus shuttle.

(and sure, jun had an early class, too, and drove himself to campus everyday, meaning jeonghan could have easily just gotten a ride, but he didn't. for no particular reason, really, he just never did; but one frost bitten morning after a snowstorm, when jeonghan was waiting at the shuttle stop and you stood beside him, bundled up in a thick winter coat and rubbing the tips of your fingers to keep them warm, you turned to him, the cord of the wired headphones the both of you always shared swaying from the movement (a streak of yellow against all this white, the sun in the middle of stark winter), and smiled, "i'm glad you're here with me." and maybe — just maybe — that was reason enough.)

— and thus, for reasons above explained, in the end, it all started with jeonghan learning jun was loaded. if it weren't for that simple knowledge, he wouldn't be anywhere near where he currently stood.

— which was the open doorway of jun's apartment, garbage in hand, falling in love with you.

"what?"

and you at least had the presence of mind to be flustered by it.

jeonghan could laugh, really. "is that my jacket?"

it totally was, and perhaps the way you fiddled with the sleeve of it and scoffed awkwardly, refusing to meet his eyes, was the true giveaway that you knew it most certainly was. "i don't know, is it?"

you were met with smug silence, so of course, you'd elaborate.

"i thought it belonged to my ex. i just chose what looked the warmest. it's storming out there — you might want something more than a sweatshirt if you're taking that all the way to cans." you gestured to the garbage bag — a detail jeonghan had almost forgotten at the sight of you in his clothing.

"you think your ex would have bought that?"

of course he wasn't going to take your bait in changing the subject. that would make things easy. you rolled your eyes, spinning your key ring and making it jingle. "hoseok has great style. it's just different from yours."

"and that jacket is more my style than his."

"it is," you conceded. under jeonghan's gaze you stuck one half of the jacket out, towards him. "do you want it now? you'll need it out there."

"i don't think i will. not when i'll have your sunny presence to warm me."

and for a split second your eyes narrowed. you had just come in from the storm — that much was plain to see from the wet of the jacket to the reusable grocery bag in your hand, full of pantry odds and ends. there was no need to go back out, and you and jeonghan both knew it. and not to mention that the invitation (thinly veiled) was unattractive — stay inside where it was warm or brave the stormy weather once more, all for a garbage run?

"race you to the elevator."

— and see, the truth of the fact was, it wasn't as though you made it difficult to fall in love with you (though even if you had, jeonghan would have liked the challenge, perhaps. there's fun in plenty of things). you were generous, a good conversationalist, you bitched about people with jeonghan but still tried to see the best in them, you were knowledgeable about the most random yet oddly applicable things, and for all of his teasing, you put up with him. perhaps enjoyed him.

— it certainly confused seungcheol, to say the least (but don't such things always confuse brothers).

"as someone who's had a lifetime to cherish your personality, there has to be something wrong with this y/n if they're willingly spending time with you. i'm trying to save my soul, putting up with you on the daily. they have no excuse."

"if i'm going to respond to that, you'll have to give me five minutes to run first."

and it ended with jeonghan quickly pushing away from the table, trying to duck out of seungcheol's grasp; but of course, the older brother and president of the boxing club would get him anyway, and through laughter, attempt to knock some humility into jeonghan (it wouldn't stick).

— but no need to focus on all of that, now. after all, this deep into the semester, jeonghan was busy enough without Crippling Thoughts of Romance.

— the worst damage you wrought thus far was making him choke that day you wandered into karaoke club and he was in the middle of a duet joshuji had managed to cajole him into doing on the spot (you swore up and down that you didn't know he was even in the club to begin with, but something about your flustered behavior and shua's glee at the whole affair made him consider otherwise); while it had been a (minor, he claimed) blow to his pride, it was easily pushed aside. jihoon, the bastard, might bring it up on occasion — the one (1) time angel voice yoon jeonghan chokes, and it's all on camera — but other than that, jeonghan? cool as a cucumber.

the last thing he'd do is be awkward around a crush. jeonghan was cool; jeonghan was suave; jeonghan was speaking in the third person because joshuji had been on a self-love bender a few months back and had said daily affirmations into the mirror every morning, and after finding out and teasing him relentlessly for it, jeonghan unfortunately picked up the habit.

AND IT WAS ALL YELLOW (CONT.) ☄. *. ⋆

— and now that we've gotten this far, i suppose it's time we bring up Jeonghan Habits™ because there were many, the closer you and jeonghan got to each other, strings of fate drawing you ever nearer, joining you at the hip.

— for one, it seemed that ever since that first unfortunately timed run to the convenience store at hours after-midnight, jeonghan felt comfortable just showing up at all odd hours of the evening, all messy hair and too-big hooded sweatshirts (most stolen from seungcheol, he'd reveal to you one day when you were confused as to just when jeonghan had picked up a love of coton de tulear puppy conventions — enough to get a commemoriative sweatshirt, no less), with the oh-so-enticing offer of going to grab a snack.

he even called it a date, once, when you were wrapped up in three blankets and your fuzzy house slippers, weakly try to convince him to just rummage through you're cupboards instead

"you're so cold you're going to cancel our date? and here i thought we had something real."

(you'd been so flustered by the whole exchange you simply ended up going to the with him, hoping that the act of Just Doing It would buy you time against his rapid fire machine gun comebacks — probably exactly what the fucker had planned in his 4d chessboard of a brain — and jeonghan took the opportunity to file away in his mind the cute expression that crossed your face in the split second that the words hit you fully in the chest and you floundered, wide-eyed into recovery)

— another, of course, was his habit of casually leaving things at your place whenever the two of you hung out; the first few times he left something — his jacket, a pair of sunglasses, necklaces that you don't ever quite recall him taking off to begin with — you promptly returned it with the naive belief that it was a one-off mistake not like to happen again. but it just kept happening, and so eventually, you just stopped returning.

if it were important, jeonghan would have texted you about it — he texted you about all kinds of random things, anyway, his lost socks would be no more strange than texts of ootds or how particularly sparkly his eyes looked that day.

and he never did...

until you started to wear the things he left, of course.

'should i get two of these?' the text came in while you were walking to your next class, taking your sweet time since the weather had cleared up nicely and the campus shuttles were running smoothly — not a single one hand been late all week, a sure change from usual. a moment later your phone chimed again, and jeonghan had sent a picture of a silver ring with a greek key styling. it was cool enough, and fit in nicely with jeonghan's usual style of accessory (not that you were particularly knowledgeable of such things... haha.)

'sure, but why 2?'

'so you can have one of your own instead of stealing it.'

'???!?'

'look at your outfit right now. you're wearing MY necklace. it's been missing for weeks.'

'YOU LEFT IT AT *MY* APARTMENT??????'

'you still have necklaces of your own; didn't have to be mine.'

'😑'

'so what's your ring size?'

'stfu'

— in your defense, you didn't think it was an issue, borrowing the things he'd randomly leave at your apartment. it had started off innocuously enough — seonghwa and momo (your roommates, bless them) needed you to go grab a few last minute ingredients for dinner (they were the ones cooking, so charitably you offered to do the grunt work) and when you couldn't find your own sunglasses, there were jeonghan's, just sitting on your dresser and waiting to be used.

and after that, well... jeonghan had nice style, okay? you were not immune to convenient and accessible clothing. if jeonghan wasn't so forgetful of his own articles of clothing, it wouldn't be the case that you steal his favorite sunglasses and borrow his usual rings and get a little too caught up in the way his cologne lingers on his jackets and night shirts, a smell all-too comforting and somehow tempting...

— you attempted to give the necklace back later that week when you and jeonghan met up to take the domino route to university, but he just shrugged it off and told you that you might as well keep it. he already bought himself another.

and besides. it looked good on you.

— and as for the last of Jeonghan's Habits™ (certified and trademarked, of course, everything jeonghan did was protected by common law)... well... the discovery of this one came later, at a time you weren't expecting it, and so perhaps that explains why it makes you as flustered as it does.

— see, it's of no surprise that yoon jeonghan is clingy in a very positive sense.

being friends with jeonghan is always being kept in the loop, having an ongoing dialogue about most everything, doing lot of Things together and always knowing that if there's something you're even thinking of doing, jeonghan has already cleared his schedule in anticipation of going to do said thing alongside you.

— what surprised you, but really shouldn't have (so perhaps the right word is simply astonished, flustered, made giddy by the realization of), was that he was also very cuddly. and very hard to be talked out of, no less.

— and like, okay, sure, it was kind of hypocritical of you to be taken aback when you'd been indulging jeonghan of his affinity for physical touch for quite some time, now.

the surprise hugs whenever he caught you waiting for the campus shuttle or simply Minding Your Own Business, his inclination towards taking your hand to make you walk a little faster when the two of you were going convenience store diving (yes, again), the quite literal poking and prodding whenever he was attempting to get you to change your mind and agree with his worst impulses... it was all pretty damning, in retrospect. but it never really fazed you: jeonghan's cuddly sort of behavior.

though you had gotten a smug kind of glee whenever you initiated contact and jeonghan's cheeks would warm to a beautiful shade of pink before he'd counter his own seeming embarrassment with a comment like "aaahhhh y/n, you're so familiar, what would others think if they saw you?"

randomly touch jeonghan's forearm, whether to pull him closer for some reason or another or just to softly massage the skin while you absentmindedly scrolled on your phone (instagram scrolling was sacred time you and jeonghan shared — then you didn't have to send him the reel with your comments, you could just tap him on the shoulder and show him). they way jeonghan would get all shy at the touch — like maybe he felt some of those butterflies that perpetually fluttered about in your stomach whenever he was around — was all the satisfaction you could ever need.

— so yes, you were quite used to clingy jeonghan. but cuddly? you had never quite strayed into full cuddle territory... until you did.

— that fateful night, you had lovingly been given notice via a very abrupt group text that you would not be able to return to your apartment for the evening (someone was going to have company over, doing... things that familiar company do) and when you had told jeonghan of your plans to join seonghwa in his trip to the computer rooms at crescent hub (they were open 24 hours and while it was based on reservation, you were almost always able to get a seat), he offered you come to his apartment instead.

either that, or i guess you could spend your time watching the gaming club host whatever tournament they had going on — apparently jun was planning to be gone for Quite Some Time (as a senior member of the club) and shua was there... for moral support? that part was unclear, to be quite honest, but it wasn't as though shua ever needed a reason to be Busy and Outgoing, so it didn't quite matter much, in the end.

"why aren't you at crescent hub with your roommates, then?"

"and encourage them? ah... don't make me look soft."

and you're sure that the way you roll your eyes can be heard through the phone.

"i had an assignment to finish." / "you had work to finish."

"but! it's all been submitted now."

"then i'll meet you."

— after all, it's not like you were a stranger to jun's apartment — you'd hung out there plenty of times as your bond with jeonghan deepened and your friendship to shua and jun grew — and they did have a rather comfy couch... you were almost certain jeonghan's offer implied and unspoken 'you can at least get some comfortable sleep on our vertiable cloud of a couch when i'm done prying at the finer details as to just who momo decided to bring home.'

you both, after all, had a deep-seeded delight for gossip.

— and when you got there, it was exactly what you expected: jeonghan had seemingly raided the pantry finding ingredients so the two of you could make dakdoritang — excepting the carrot, of course.

despite his seeming love for convenience store runs and general lazy attitude toward preparing his own meals, cooking together seemed to be something jeonghan enjoyed lately — or at least, that's what you surmised. to you, it seemed that one day jeonghan woke up and chose cooking as a new hobby.

if you were to ask jeonghan, he would brush it off, of course, probably saying something about his mom visiting and praising jun's affinity for cooking and there was no way jeonghan could let the bastard win — but really all it had taken was one (1) absentminded hand on his chest from you and a "hannie, can you pass me the garlic cloves?" for him to make cooking with you a new personality trait of his. go figure.

— and so the two of you made your stew while debating which movie you should watch when you were done. you ended up compromising on some drama that you'd seen people claim was so bad it was good, and it really was. the cringe,,,, the mutual yelling at the tv,,,,,,, threatening the lives of fictional characters,,,,,,, talking over whole dialogue scenes because you had a brilliant rewrite in mind and jeonghan simply couldn't resist the way you looked when there was an earnestness in your eyes and an opinion on your lips,,,,

it was quite late, indeed, before you even knew it. and when you switched the tv to a music video you really wanted to show jeonghan, the autoplay sort of took over, and your mind sort of shut down... drifted off to sleep.

— you woke up at some point in the early morning; the sound of the lock clicking and the door opening wasn't the sound you were used to, in your apartment two doors down, and it was just enough to snap you awake momentarily, still half in dream yet with one foot in reality.

it was just shua and jun, and they whispered an apology before padding off to their respective rooms (jun his own, shua his shared room with hannie), clearly worn out from their gaming activities.

— but that little push to semi-wakefulness was just enough for you to take stock of where you were, and you noticed belatedly that jeonghan had never left to go back to his room. you were both sleeping on the couch, legs intertwined; jeonghan was resting his head on your shoulder and your hands were reaching out, as if almost to give him a subconscious hug.

— the embarrassment ran through your nervous system almost instantly, and when you made to slowly and gently move your limbs so you were less... interwoven, jeonghan stirred and, still sleeping, pulled you back towards him. perhaps even closer than before.

you couldn't help yourself. a giggle escaped you; perhaps half nerves, mostly endearment. jeonghan stirred again and the sound and you covered your mouth, not wanting to wake him.

he stilled soon enough, and before drifting off again, you kissed him on the forehead.

— when you fully woke up the next morning, jeonghan had already began his day, but he didn't even try to hide the fact that the both of you had unwittingly unlocked a new feature in this friendship of yours. he sort of just... took the night prior as a confirmation that cuddling was on the list of approved actions and refused to let go of you, after.

not that it bothered you, of course.

it just seemed that the butterflies in your stomach were given wild energy at this new development; all your strategies for calming them suddenly ineffective.

AND IT WAS ALL YELLOW (CONT.) ☄. *. ⋆

— so.

if you had asked jeonghan at any point in his life if he were good at manipulating, his answer would be an unequivocable yes.

deceit? of course.

scheming? obviously.

lying? naturally.

blackmailing? most assuredly.

gaslighting, gatekeeping, girlbossing? undoubtedly.

changing criteria? yes.

moving goalposts? clearly.

hiding the apparent? well...

— see, the thing is... you get so good at the others that concealing the obvious isn't exactly necessary. everyone might know to be wary of the scheming, cheating, self-serving yoon jeonghan, but it didn't change the fact that he was so astute at the rest of it, image didn't exactly matter.

and besides, why save face when it was so fun to see people accuse him of what they were all very aware?

— so yes, jeonghan was quite skilled at all manner of deception. the one facet he was not so adept in was hiding his feelings toward the matter.

— thus, it should be no surprise that everyone and their mother knew jeonghan had a crush.

and it was only getting worse.

— don't ask jun when he put the dots together — he was more emotionally intellectual than he let on most of the time — and don't ask joshuji when either — that fucker had this quirk where he joked about something before it had real honest basis, but in some way only attributed to the gift of clairvoyance, he always seemed to be right. if you were to ask joshua, he'd likely recall the first time he had looked at jeonghan and wiggled his eyebrows and call that he knew then (he didn't; at least, not really).

— as for s.coups... well, don't ever ask cheol anything about jeonghan. he'd rather die than give it to you straight.

please. when he could embarrass jeonghan? seungcheol lives for that shit.

after all, what else are older brothers for?

— so yes, it was obvious to those close to him that jeonghan was in the long-suffering limbo of Having A Thing For Your Best Friend But Not Acting On It, and it had been apparent for months.

— after all, it felt like centuries ago that joshua had offered to play matchmaker for jeonghan and you — the veritable apple of his eye — and set the two of you up on a date.

it had been some lazy morning and jun nearly spit out his breakfast.

"you'd both love it! i'd get jihoon to play something romantic on the violin; well, maybe recorder—"

cue jun choking once more.

"and you could be there waiting in full suit and tie."

"with couples rings waiting in the bread basket." and joshua's eyes went comically and maniacally wide at jun's inclusion.

"ah, cheol would crash any date like that."

"but then y/n could get his blessing!"

— at some point, jun was at his wits end.

in his defense, it was him who had to see the two of you be all sweet and love-struck all the time, giggling and teasing each other on his couch in his apartment while all he's trying to do is eat a sorry excuse of a subway sandwich (eat fresh.) before jetting off to his internship again.

if you had to see that shit while eating soggy bread you'd be annoyed, too.

one more "aigoooo" while jeonghan squishes your cheeks, and you bat him away with a roll of your eyes and jun would take a knife out of the block behind him.

— especially when jeonghan started calling you "angel" at every chance he got. had jun's eye twitching, it did. never had he regretted getting roommates until jeonghan fell in love.

one day jun learned that the phrase "get a room" made at least one of you self conscious enough to at least tone it down, and he never stopped weaponizing it, since.

— of course, overtime jun's protests became background noise, but once, when your roommates and jeonghan's all went to the museum of fine arts together to celebrate the end of finals week (it was free admission so long as you had your svtu activities card), jun had deadpanned his new favorite phrase in the middle of the outdoor conversation area. jeonghan had turned to you grinning, like it was the excuse he'd been waiting for all day, and after a lighthearted "shall we?" you grabbed his hand and the two of you pranced off to explore the sculpture terrace.

jeonghan had raised an eyebrow at your choice of exhibit, but you pulled him over to a sculpture of a human figure with black wings and flashed a smile: “it’s not a private room, but i think it works.”

“if you’d prefer it, i’m sure there’s a custodial closet we could go to instead. i bet there's one right outside, even.”

you snorted. “and if i did kiss you? what would you do then?"

— you stunned him into silence. him. yoon jeonghan. 

— right as he was about to recover and shoot back some smartass comment, you laughed — the sound clear and playful, bright and radiating with warmth — and then you wandered to where they showcased student work.

— umm... uhhh... WHATTHEFUCKWEREYOUDOING WHATTHEFUCKWASGOINGONNNNNN

“angel.”

you hummed absentmindedly, only half hearing jeonghan through the internal screaming reverberating in your skull.

“y/nnnnnnnnnnnnnnn…”

he was closer now, if you focused, you were sure you could feel him, inching closer, right behind you, just to your right…

— he kissed your cheek: half on the corner of your lips, half on the soft of your skin.

— you couldn’t help yourself. you turned.

“if you were bold enough to kiss me here, i’d kiss you back. then i’d be scandalized, ‘how forward!’”

your mouth opened: in shock, in delight, in laughter, in a heavenly mix of the three. jeonghan just stood there, all self-satisfied grin.

“you could waste your time finding a comeback, or you could be forward.”

“i think i have time for both.”

☄. *. ⋆

end of file .

SVT (sophrosyne; virtù; truth) University hopes you've enjoyed your stay !

[leviscolwill]

ballroom extravaganza

pairing: jude bellingham x f1 driver!reader

summary: you always hated arguing with jude, but even more so when you're about to race monaco's streets (wc: 1,7k)

req: jude bellingham x f1 related f!reader ! (driver if u can or js a driver’s relative) where they argue before a match/race that doesn’t go really well + she crashes/dnf or he gets rlly hurt in a match

contents: jude is jealous, reader drives for mclaren w lando (sorry oscar my beloved </3), possible racing inconstancies (i can't drive to save my life), reader crashes (nothing too bad happens tho), gasly slander sorryyyy, language ??, quite angsty but happy (&fluffy) ending i swear

note: i didn't want to make either jude or reader 'the bad guy™' so i hope i didn't side with one more than the other writing the argument part :| i had so much fun writing it, so i hope you enjoy reading it (lmk by rb and giving feedback !!). finally, thank you for requesting anon,, i hope you like it 🫶

now playing: ballroom extravaganza by dpr ian (moodswings in to order)

"i'm just saying, i don't like the way he looked at you when he said that"

"you're being ridiculous jude, he's my teammate and i've known him for years."

jude had always been the jealous type, and you never had any problem with this, until now. he tried to tell you how lando was flirting with you when that's really just how he communicated. sure, he was kinda flirty at times, but he knew you were in a relationship and never crossed any lines with you. but jealousy seemed to get the best of your boyfriend in that moment.

"that's not the point y/n, i'm a man and i know what he meant when he said he'll take you to this 'perfect seaside italian restaurant if your boyfriend won't'. and you just stood there laughing." his voice was louder now, and you hated it whenever jude screamed, especially when those screams were directed at you.

"you're delusional... he didn't imply anything with that, he was only joking." you tried to reason your boyfriend.

"i still don't like it, i'm not asking you to never talk to him again, just make it clear you're-"

"but he knows that jude! i talk about you all the time, let's be serious for a second, come on." you laughed at the ridiculousness of the situation you were in, 45 minutes before the monaco grand prix fighting with your boyfriend in your driver room, it was probably the last thing you should be doing on a track where your focus was the most important thing.

you were always grateful whenever jude made time to see you racing because you knew how packed his schedule was. but right now, he was the last person you needed to see given the circumstances.

"jude, please just leave, i'm sick of fighting."

"i'm not leaving, we're having this conversation whether you like it or not." he said in a calmer tone, but it was too late, the damage was done.

"well, you're in my room right now and i want you out. i need to focus and you're not exactly helping right now."

"but we need to talk it out, i don't want you to go while we're fighting." you would have sworn his voice broke a bit when he ended his sentence.

"maybe you shouldn't have picked a fight with me then! maybe you shouldn't be here at all actually..." you practically whisper the last part and you immediately regret the words that came out of your mouth, knowing well you didn't mean them.

"okay then..." jude quickly gets up and you can't help but look at your feet, you can almost feel the sad look on his face.

"i love you."

you wanted to say it back but he closed the door with a loud bang before you could mutter any sound.

the only thing jude left behind was the faint smell of his cologne for you to think about what just happened and not focus on your race at all.

deep breaths. deep breaths were what you needed, you tried to shift your focus on your start, how you needed to get away from sainz, given how close he was to you. whenever your mind drifted off to the argument you had with jude, you found another thing to focus on before the race. the formation lap would start in a couple minutes, your focus needed to be on monaco's streets for at least an hour and a half, then you'll handle the rest later with jude, you always did.

the formation lap started and everything went perfectly well, you just had to wait for the red lights to turn off and you'll be gone, no more thinking, or overthinking.

"it's lights out and away we go in the streets of monaco."

perfect start, now you just had to race like you knew how to for 78 laps. nothing you couldn't do.

the first 46 laps went perfectly, you managed to overtake carlos' ferrari and pierre's alpine. everything went well, then you thought about jude, you knew he was probably still mad at you but you still hoped he was watching the race, waiting for you with papaya-coloured headphones. as your thoughts kept going you were about to get to the trickiest part of the circuit, mirabeau.

as your focus shifted back to your race, you forgot the most important thing, the biggest danger on track is the other drivers.

your brain barely had time to register the bright blue alpine trying to overtake you when there was clearly no space. next thing you knew, your head hit the cockpit. before you hit the wall at god knows what speed, you thought about how you didn't tell jude you loved him back, and how you hoped he was still aware of how much he meant to you in that moment.

pitch black, no sound at all, you couldn't feel anything for about thirty seconds because of the shock.

then everything came back. you felt the urge to move your legs around, they moved. perfect. then you felt like your position was unusual, you came to a conclusion on your own, your car was on its side. you didn't even get to think about getting out because you felt a horrible pain in your head, where it was hit you assumed.

and lastly, you saw the medics making sure you were okay, you moved your hand for them to understand the message. you were okay, they helped you out of the car, saying you would be taken to the infirmary.

you couldn't stop smiling, you felt terrible about the race and it was probably the biggest crash you ever experienced but everything was well, your family and friends saw you get out of the car safely, and you'd be able to tell jude you loved him. everything was well.

you had to answer the medics questions that made you feel like a 4-year-old: "what's your name ? do you know which day of the week it is ?" you knew it was for safety reasons but you absolutely hated it.

jude opened the door in pure jude fashion, loudly. you almost stopped waiting for him at that point but he was here finally.

he didn't even talk to you, words weren't needed. he just held you really tight even though you were still on the, very uncomfortable, infirmary bed. you felt his arms that were holding onto you shake as he kissed your hair.

"you have no idea how fucking terrified i was y/n." while jude had been to a fair few races with you, he'd never seen any big crashes, let alone involving you. yes, you could only imagine how scary that must have been for him, feeling powerless over the situation, you knew it all too well. you felt that way when jude was injured and you were absolutely helpless, of course you never wished for your boyfriend to ever feel that way, but here you were.

"i love you." you felt like it was the first thing you should say right now. "so so so much. i'm sorry for not saying it earlier." jude looked at you as tears started to form in your eyes, he quickly wiped them away and kissed away the sudden wave of sadness surging through you.

"and i'm sorry for getting mad at you, i shouldn't even have told you about it before the race, it was-"

jude was cut short when someone knocked and opened the door quickly after. pierre came in with a sorry look on his face, you heard he dnf after he damaged his car. poor thing.

"y/n, are you okay? i'm sorry about-" he started rambling with a french accent.

"i'm fine don't worry, just... can we talk about it later? you can come to our motorhome, they make great coffee there i swear." you tried to joke to lighten up the atmosphere, but it was still as tense as before.

if looks could kill, gasly would have died right here the way your boyfriend eyed him in silence, his gaze following the driver on his way out.

"what a fucking dickhead. how is he driving a whole f1 car? even i would do a better job than him i swear..." your boyfriend's pettiness amused you, even more so knowing that boy couldn't ride a bike without scaring the life out of you.

his features visibly changed and you knew he wanted to talk your argument out, as you were both calmer about the situation. but he didn't get the chance to speak a word before lando opened the door.

"what did that french hooligan do to my favourite teammate? that was a barbarian try at overtaking really." you laughed at your teammate being dramatic, as always.

"i'm fine, i think gasly needs prescription glasses though, i don't know where he saw the space there but i'm okay."

once again, you felt jude's eyes burning holes in lando's skull as he went silent, he quickly took the hint and left.

you couldn't help but burst out laughing at jude when it was just you two in the room.

"you need to stop glaring at people like that."

"i just don't like him." you took his hand as he looked at you, his look much softer than the one he gave pierre and lando.

"i only want you. alright? it doesn't matter how lando views me, whether what you think is true. he will never be you." you told him stroking your thumb on the back of his hand.

"i know that, i was just mad at how he acted with you. i'm sorry about that. i trust you, 100%. i just don't like how comfortable he was making these comments y'know."

"i get that, i'll make my boundaries clear with him, okay? let's not fight over silly things like that anymore."

jude softly grabbed your jaw and kissed you, you could tell you both needed this talk, and this kiss, to clear the air.

you pull out of the kiss first, suddenly feeling the urge to annoy him.

"you know... you look good when you're jealous, i might try that more often..." jude faked a serious face.

"if attention was what you wanted, you just had to ask love." he joked as you playfully hit his arm.

"just no more leaving without saying 'i love you' alright?" he asks before quickly kissing your forehead.

"never again."

[hikaruchen]

Reading this blog and procrastinating what I should’ve been doing at the moment, but it’s super helpful if you want to know more about the Anglo-Saxon and Viking material culture but don’t want to be bored to hell. All articles are done by an archaeologist specializing in mortuary archaeology, and he has already written several ones about burials and pagan practices during that time through the lens of The Last Kingdom. I’ve linked one of his posts before on ao3 when discussing about the historical accuracy of Alfred’s tomb effigy in the show under the pic Prayer from the Pagan, but didn’t really had the time to check others out. I just did it and find his other articles are actually super interesting to read as well.

For instance, back when I post this pic in January I said the colour palette was inspired by the Alfred jewel, but I completely forgot that it actually appeared in the show (2x04) where Alfred handed it to Æthelwold and said “Take this. It is a symbol of my kingship. Bear it with authority.”, which might be partially true but is hilarious if you give it another thought.

Because, why, in God’s name, would Alfred hand an ARTEFACT version of the piece he commissioned himself to his nephew? As Prof. Williams already stated (in this post), the Alfred jewel has long been assumed to be the handle part of a pointer stick for following words when reading a book, and if you look at the artefact itself it is quite clear that there’s a part that’s been missing as well. The reason why scholars think it has something to do with Alfred is because:

1) It’s written. The text on the frame literally says that “ÆLFRED MEC HEHT GEWYRCAN”, which means “Alfred ordered me made”. The more detailed explanation below (with the help of beloved wikitionary since I don’t understand Old English at all)

ÆLFRED (subject) Alfred, obviously MEC (object) me; accusative of iċ (I), but in the West Saxon dialect it’s actually an uncommon version of iċ’s accusative and is more often seen in the Anglian dialect. The frequently-used version for West Saxons is mē HEHT (verb) ordered; third-singular past tense for hātan (to call; to order etc.), often followed with infinitive verbs, cognate with heißen in German GEWYRCAN (verb) to make; I honestly don’t know if “to make” and “to be made” is just the same word in OE help And since the word order in OE is random as hell thanks to the case system (much like German which I eventually gave up learning because I don’t have a brain big enough for that. IT MAKES NO SENSE TO A NATIVE MANDARIN SPEAKER THANK YOU), it is eventually translated into “Alfred ordered me to be made”.

2) It was discovered in Somerset and has been dated to the late 9th century, and we all know what Somerset meant to Alfred

3) Alfred did say he would send a copy of his translation of Gregory the Great’s Pastoral Care to every episcopal see in his kingdom in the preface to it, with the book accompanied “an æstel of 50 mancuses”. Mancus was a term to denote a gold coin or a unit for coins worth about a month’s wage for a skilled worker, such as a craftsman or a soldier. Whatever that æstel is it must be worth hell LOTS of money

But honestly while I do think this interpretation sounds very much plausible I’m thinking about other possibilities as well - how many Alfreds exactly existed during his time? We know that Æthel in OE means noble, so people bearing this prefix in their names were usually royal members or at least aristocrats, but what about Alfred? Was Alfred a popular name? Or was it unique enough that he could just go by this name without mentioning his title at all? Imagine if it were an Æthelred who made this, who the hell would know which one of these it was referring to, Æthelred the King, Æthelred the Ealdorman, Æthelred Ealhswith’s father, or even Æthelred the fucking Archbishop??? And yeah, I know Alfred was the king ™ here and there isn’t really much space left on the frame after all, but surely it wouldn’t cost a bone to add a cyning behind his name, right?

Sadly, as it was in the pre-Domesday-Book era, I can’t find the statistics of Anglo-Saxon names at that time (but keep in mind that there were at least 19 Alfreds worthy enough to be mentioned in Domesday Book even after the conquest. I don’t know if this says anything at all but I do want to mention it) What I’m trying to say is while it is highly highly highly likely (and I do believe and want to believe in this theory!), we cannot be one hundred percent certain that this jewel was really from the Alfred we’re talking about. And even if it was, it apparently wouldn’t be carried around by Alfred like THAT. Because that would be like, “Bear this with authority! Even though the symbol of my kingship is broken!”, said Alfred to a king wannabe. Lol.

The other thing I want to mention is this post about the show’s use of Fuller brooch, the one Alfred wore in S2 when he was in his war gear.

First of all, it is indeed dated to late 9th century and is assumed by scholars to be made by metalworkers of Alfred’s court. Everything is fine except I don’t think you would want to wear jewelry that luxurious to war…but then there’s this thing:

MEET GIANT FULLERS!

Well, can’t blame them since I am basically doing the same thing with my drawings (i.e. using patterns on jewelry and illustrations from manuscripts for embroidery design). But it’s worth noting that designs that are suitable for one art form doesn’t mean they can be applied to another well, and that’s why I claim my art is inspired by Anglo-Saxon art but NOT historical accurate for the Anglo-Saxon period. The reason I still do this and think it is understandable for TLK crew to do so is because we simply don’t have that many resources to reference from when it comes to this time period, and fabrics and wooden buildings are just extremely hard to preserve by nature. Instead of screwing up the design on your own, it just has more fun to add real historical elements into your work. Look at those easter eggs!

Ok, that’s it. I hope you enjoy my long rant and have a good read from Prof. Williams’s works!

[atrociousgargamelitis]

Alrighty folks come around for I have gathered every moment that Broke Me™ in Apology Tour and boy oh boy were there a lot of those. THIS IS PART 1 (I will reblog this post with part 2 and 3)

When Blitzø said that he "ends shit before it gets serious cause relationships are boring" and Stolas FINALLY doesn't hold back on the sarcasm and tries to get through to Blitzø's THICK FUCKING SKULL that he's either a massive hypocrite or a huge idiot or perhaps a pinnacle combination of both. BUT HE DOES SO WITH SUCH PETTINESS AND SMUGNESS THAT OH GOD HAS ME FUCKING DYING. Cause now we realise that Stolas CHOSE kindness this whole time but now HE'S LETTING IT ALL OUT AND I'M HERE FOR IT

Stolas being so FLABBERGASTED that Blitzø would even DARE think that he looks down on him while he literally idolised him that HIS FUCKING IRISES SHOWED UP

If this next quote was true and not just a segway to Blitzø being a fucking jackass THEN I FEEL LIKE WE SHOULDN'T JUST LOOK OVER IT. BABYGIRL WHAT THE ACTUAL SHIT DO YOU MEAN YOU SPENT THE ENTIRE MORNING LISTENING TO LOVE BALLADS. THAT CLOACA HAS SUCH A FUCKING GRIP ON YOU IT'S GETTING EMBARRASSING

He said it. He fucking said it. He gained consciousness. He knows. He's self aware.

COULD HE BE APOLOGISING TO SPECIFICALLY EVERYONE BUT HIM BECAUSE EVERYONE BUT HIM MEANT NOTHING TO HIM??? MAYHAPS???

2 things here: First, Blitzø has him saved as "Stols". Not "Stolas". Not "Bird guy I fucked once" or "One night stand" like in the pilot. "Stols". Second, all throughout the episode, even while doing the other fake apologies he was ONLY thinking of Stolas. He knew he deserved an apology. He was trying to come up with the right words. But he just COULDN'T.

Verosika being super welcoming to Stolas, even kissing his cheek. That shows that Verosika is not actually jealous of Blitzø's exes or something but that she genuinely just despises him. She recognises another hurt soul because she's been through that. And the juxtaposition of Stolas seeing her as competition for Blitzø's hand the last time they met? Chills.

[sussusamogus47]

I just wanted to call to attention the board games in the final puzzle room, bc I haven't really seen anyone talk about them all that much.

I genuinely can't tell if they were all deliberately chosen for what they are, or if instead it was a case of what the set designers (of Genloss, not Showfall) could get their hands on, but the relative obscurity/odd choice of games makes me think that for the most part it was deliberate.

Lemme explain, starting with the most interesting one first.

Game One: My 2 Homes

This game is most notable because it's the one boardgame that Ranboo actually calls out by name, and one of two (if i remember right) that they ever interact with. What's clever though is how it could easily be written off -- Jerma asks the three of them for examples of things in the room, and he provides one. End of story right?

But consider first that the mind control over them has been getting stronger and stronger, and the past few rooms we've been seeing them become more NPC-like, interacting with things less and less, taking less of an interest in other things.

What makes it more interesting in my opinion though, is the fact that the game is meant to help children "communicate and process their feelings about divorce".

What does this mean though?

Well, looking at the verb definitions of divorce, there's two ways it can be taken:

You could make an argument for the first definition, sure. But just look at that second definition. Separate or dissociate something from something else. Aka Ranboo and reality.

Suddenly Ranboo's calling out of the game looks more like a call for help. To use the game for its intended purpose and say "I'm still here, please help me. I don't want this to continue."

I could be stretching here. But the subtly of it is really good, and imo wouldn't be out of place.

Game Two: Maul of America

The pun in this one is actually what made me notice the oddity of some of the choices of these board games. For those who mightn't know, the Mall of America is one of the largest malls in the United States.

The premise of this game is simple: You're in a mall during the zombie apocalypse, and have to fight your way out. One player controls all of the zombies, and each other player controls themselves, obviously.

The parallels here alone are honestly astounding lol

But wait, there's more!! Upon rewatching this entire section, I believe this is the only other board game that Ranboo ever interacts with. Even more interestingly, I believe this might be the only game in the room that has its pieces outside of the box and partially set up.

For reference:

Here's an image of the board + some of the pieces, courtesy of boardgamegeek.com

And here's the closest, best shot I could get of the board:

Notice the standing pieces, the flipped over ones, and their positions relative to one another. Red is flipped, blue and orange are standing up. One zombie is standing, the rest are flipped. Blue is by red, and orange is by a zombie.

Now I'm sure you know, but for Dramatic Effect ™ I'd like to point out the primary colours of each person's outfit in this room:

Red

Blue

Orange

So then, Ranboo, Sneeg, and Austin are obviously intended to be the players here, with either Showfall (or the founder) controlling the zombies. Sneeg's blue token is likely closer to Ran's red one to indicate that they know each other, which supports some of the other theories around that.

But then why's Ranboo's token flipped? And what's with the zombie?

Well this is where we pull into Speculation Station, because I'm honestly not too sure. I'd like to say that the flipped token indicates Ranboo's mind controlled state, but then why isn't Sneeg's flipped too? After all, we all saw him get forcefully controlled by the Showfall Crew. My only other guess is that it hints at the ending, where somehow Austin and Sneeg survive and escape Showfall where Ranboo doesn't, but I feel like that's shaky at best so idrk.

Similar problems occur with the zombie, too. You could say it's Ranboo being mind controlled by the zombie player, but then Sneeg should have one too if that's the case. It can't really be Jerma bc he's well, dead by this point. It could maybe be the camera operator? But we also see the rats behind the curtain so wouldn't they have one too?

I really don't know honestly. But I've been going on about this one for a while lol so I should probably move on.

Game Three: Anti-Monopoly

This one is basically what it says on the tin: Anti-Monopoly, or a trust busting game where players have to go around dismantling large corporations. Depending on the size of the company, (oligopoly, trust, or monopoly) you need one to three tokens respectively to take them down.

I'd imagine that Showfall is a pretty large corporation, so my guess is that the symbolism here is meant to be Hetch's (or even Ranboo's) intention to dismantle the company. If the former, it could maybe mean that Hetch isn't here to actually help Ranboo, but is instead using him for in order to dismantle Showfall, which would be a twist for sure.

Game Four: Twister Moves

This seems like a version of Twister with maybe a musical chair-esque aspect to it. Someone plays as the DJ and plays music, and calls out moves to the other players.

If I had to guess, this is meant to symbolize Showfall's control over people, and how they tell them what to do.

Miscellaneous Games

These ones I don't really have much (or anything) for, honestly. I'm mostly putting them here in case anyone has any ideas, or in case they're somehow relevant.

I also have to stop adding images unfortunately bc I've hit the app's limit :(

Battleground: Crossbows and Catapults

Interestingly enough I had this as a kid lol. Used to play with just the lil plastic castles and guys a lot, not really playing the game. Anyway, the premise is you use the rubber-band powered disc launchers on top of the castles to knock down the other team's guys. Apparently hitting their flag gets you bonus lives or something, so maybe that's relevant?

Star Wars 100 Piece Puzzle (1996)

I.. actually really doubt this one's relevant. It seems a bit too mainstream for it to be, and it's also a puzzle. The date could maybe be relevant? Piece count? Or somehow the characters on it (Luke, Leia, Vader) are, but I just can't think of anything that'd work here, so my best guess is it's a red herring.

Classico (??)

I literally couldn't find anything on this one that matched the box, so I'm at a total loss.

Closing Remarks

Well, I hope that was all comprehendable :D I spent the past two hours or so putting it all together, and honestly in the process of doing so found wayy more to it than I initially thought.

And with that, I bid you adieu!

[strogoff-era]

Why I also love Lt Graham Gore : aka me talking about my fav for far too long

This post is a companion of @earthshine-moon's post about Graham Gore ! Very good post, go read it ! Also we focus on different scenes so i think our posts are complementary

First, i just want to come back to the sleigh pulling scene. Many people hc Gore to be friend with Goodsir, and this is a very good hc. However, I dont think they're meant to be in the canon. They feel like they haven't interacted much before. And that makes Gore even nicer !! He didn't have to listen to Goodsir talk that much during the walk. He doesn't know that dude ! He could have told him to shut up but he didn't !

Also his behavior in that scene is very stricking to me not only because this is the first time we have a focus on him, but also because of the contrast with his previous scenes.

When Gore is around Franklin or Fitzjames, he is so much more serious. I think this is both professionalism and "my boss sucks ://". But when he is the highest ranking and has to take care of a group, he is thriving.

(the rest under the cut, bc im nice to your dash)

Expanding a bit on Gore's sentiment toward his superiors : Gore is very attentionate toward the crew. You can totally see it with his interaction with Goodsir, but also by how relaxed his sleigh team seems around him.

There is also the diving scene. Graham is not the focus, but he is there with Dundy and Des Voeux. (Btw, i absolutely love how Des Voeux is the lieutenants' intern. They bring him everywhere and he hates it. Just look at him during this scene, he's hilarious). When Collins asks for a surgeon and Franklin & Fitzjames refuse, you can see him frown and look at James. He knows he can't say anything but he clearly disagree. If Collins needs the reassurance of a surgeon, why not bring one ? It isn't too much to ask ? And when he leaves, you can also see he's pissed about this.

It's also in this scene where he does the adorable Nintendogs™ head tilt. I need a gif of it so bad.

Another scene I want to talk about is not actually in the show, but we have it in the script. You remember that scene where Irving shouts at Manson for being scared in the hold and Hickey goes to help him ? In the first version, it was Dundy in Irving's place and Gore in Hickey's. We were robbed !!! I couldn't find the right extract in the script and the link I found doesn't work but here is a post with a proof. I owe my life to anyone who will send me the full script of that scene.

It's hard to determine what the scene is meant to convey since I haven't read it in its context. But Gore is not afraid to call out another lieutenant in front of the men if he thinks he was in the wrong.

Also, I think "Title's no substitute to for common sense" explains his disagreement with Franklin and Fitzjames. Just because there is a power difference between you and someone doesn't mean you should take advantage of it. Had Gore survived past episode 2, I think this sentence would have summed up his decision making.

This post already took too long to write so I'm gonna end it with a bullet list of all the cool things I couldn't include :

When Des Voeux is disrespectful of the Netsilik, Gore disagrees with him. Many acting details I quoted in this post aren't in the script, but Gore being against Des Voeux on this is clearly written.

Also in the script, Gore is described as Sir John's "favorite son". Some food for the "lieutenants and their captain have a family dynamic" lovers ! But also a really good ground for Little-Gore parallels that could be great to explore in fics !

Historical Graham Gore also comes from a naval family and made his debut on his father's boat :)

Actually Sir John and Gore's relationship lives rent free in my head. Sir John loves him but not enough to write an eulogy for him, instead rambling about Jacob's Ladder for minutes before dropping his lieutenant's name right at the end. Nothing is about Gore in this speech, we learn nothing about him. I don't think this was on purpose, Sir John is just like that. But that raises the question whether he liked the Lieutenant or the man wearing that title

Both Sir John and Crozier calls him Graham btw

Historical Crozier and Graham had already met before ! Crozier was a mate on Graham's dad's ship, the one where Graham made his debut on the sea ! :D Graham was 11 at that time. Please make this fact into a Terror hc, it is very cute

Another historical fact that should become fanon : Graham played the flute

And finally, the most important fact about the Lieutenant Graham Gore : In the script, Jacko was supposed to go in his arms instead of Irving. Monkey likes him

[yeetspace]

It's crazy how people don't realize that patriarchy ISN'T just "when men"

Cuz like no. That hypothetical trans guy isn't entering the patriarchy because he's trans, he IS HOWEVER experiencing multiple layers of intersectional trauma from existing in a society that enacts violence on anything that isn't seen as masculine from before transition AND you actively trying to say he has some kind of magical invisible privilege that has never been there because you can only conceptualize someone transitioning into what you've been lied to assume is "the enemy" as being done as a power move, because you transphobically assume that someone's doing it for any incentive other than that person's happiness.

Like my gamer that constant accusations of having that so-called patriarchal privilege is ONE of those intersectional aggressions, separate from the overt acts of violence that already happens to trans people, now additionally being downplayed because of some perceived privilege in their cases a lot of the time. This is some "Republicans actively Go out of their way to remove all possible ability to do stuff for us, and then once people start getting desperate and just killing themselves over it they point to that as the reason why they took that stuff in the first place" type argument. Like it becomes obvious it was meant and done so in a "I finally did it kind of way" but being pointed out like a "think of the children" kind of way cuz it's real easy to lie to people when you say think of the children first, in this case "think of the victims of patriarchy" while actively stepping over people who are direct victims of the patriarchy.

I know it's a crazy concept to get through some of y'all's heads, but like multiple groups can have multiple different AND same delineating pieces of like information. There can be intersectional terminology AND intrasectional terminology.

Cuz no bitch, a trans man talking about HIS PERSONAL LIFE and the SPECIFIC TRAUMA HE FACED as someone who was forced to experience the inherent traumas that come with being socialized growing up as someone societally seen and presented as female, is not him "trying to make you feel bad for someone who's privileged". Because he doesn't have The Patriarchy™.

Patriarchy is when the homogeneous concept of a straight white guy is going to have as much leeway as he can possible in the systems and in terms of getting proper justice and treatment. Because patriarchy isn't when men, patriarchy is when the societal standard of "whiteness" & "man & woman" is upheld.

A standard that in its own right is completely arbitrary because any delineation of human, other than just "Person" is needless categorization or at the very secondary aspect the main part, the fact that that's a person first, as the existence of intersex people shows, what's considered the standard of sex even Is just random characteristics people who either didn't know better or could benefit off of making sure people thought about it this way, had decided are "the correct ones" amongst a sea of what is actually just how reality works; no two people's bodies being the same, just the same as no two people's unique existences are, and each individual strand of DNA is unique.

And this is coming from a trans girl. Because I'm on that intersectionality shit. No one's free till we all are, it's pretty simple. The best way to do that is to not try and get angry at someone else for... *Checks notes* sharing their personal life because they used terminology that applies to them as well, that you personally didn't want to hear used that way even though there is no reasoning why it shouldn't be as it also can apply to him too

and also separately because for some reason that's a different problem but from the same crowd, it's not making up a new word if you don't want people to be using what you've decided Is "your" terminology, and either way what even do you mean by "making up a new word" all of them are fuck you. Because it's just people trying to be bigoted from within which is FUCKING WILD TO ME. LIKE???

[rius-cave]

The reason why I think killing off Adam permanently is a huge mistake is the fact that he deserves redemption the most. Out of all Hazbin characters, he's the one who deserves to be redeemed, both literally and figuratively in the viewers' eyes.

He's been introduced as an utterly obnoxious, narcissistic and egoistic asshole, with literally zero obviously positive qualities expect maybe him being a funny guy?? Although his humor was built around vulgar and sexist jokes so it's debatable. He was clearly meant to be an antagonist and that only, kinda like the Vees (although that has room to develop yet, and certainly gonna in s2). No concrete reason was stated as the motivation of his behavior, we can only assume things but it's clear there wasn't much thought, he just wasn't destined to be explained and redeemed. He's just like that.

And that's the big issue. He's kinda portrayed as he's always been like that (why Lilith left him etc). But there's the fact that he's in Heaven. How could he be in Heaven if he's a guy full of negative traits, shitty behavior and issues like narcissism (or even a potential god-complex)?? I don't think it would be possible for such problematic people to pass divine judgement and become winners, not even if said person is the literal first man and hasn't eaten the apple. Yes, we see how lenient Sera is with him about the whole extermination and his behavior, I wouldn't be surprised if Heaven has always been just as lenient, but I don't think they could've determined if he got to Heaven (especially since even Sera doesn't know how people get there).

So what's the point of saying all this? That he HAD to be better at some point. He had to be as "pure" and good as it leads one to become a winner. And that automatically means something had to change that later on. Be it the treatment Heaven gave him, how he's been praised as the first soul to get there, the perfect man, or some kind of untreated trauma from earlier (being abandoned, betrayed, etc) or even just seeing what humanity became (disappointment). I absolutely believe this would be reason enough to give the guy some development and redemption. He was caused to become what he is now by other people and circumstances in some sense, and he, unlike any actual sinners!!!, was actually "good enough" for Heaven. He made mistakes, he had flaws, but he wasn't all bad despite being portrayed like that, he wasn't hopeless, and him being an angel was the proof of that.

But even if he didn't get redeemed, he would've absolutely deserved atleast some character depth and an explanation of why he is like that. Sadly, that obviously wasn't Vivzie's goal, and probably won't ever be. (I still do have a slight hope that Adam will come back in some way once, though that's mostly just desperation on my part and me being delusional lol)

Wow anon, you really went off here. I understand. I also have Thoughts™

See, I am in a bit of a difficult position, because I see most things as, well, as they are. On one hand, yes of course I believe that Adam absolutely deserves a redemption story, or if not that, at least more story, ya know? On the other hand, I understand Adam's narrative purpose for the show and what the big picture is. I also understand the writing flaws of the show and how maybe one explanation is just that, the writers don't have that big of a scope in mind lol.

But also there are limitations that are outside of their control. Adam could honestly easily have a complete season to himself with how much potential as a character he has, but Hazbin Hotel is not about him. Yes, it's about redemption, but it's not about his redemption, you know?

And let's be honest, most of the potential that fanon usually attributes to him is mostly based on the real biblical character that he's "based" on. If he was just a shitty angel with a shitty motive with some shitty beef with Lucifer and hell, I don't think as many people would've cared this much about him. But I also feel like Adam being THE Adam from the bible was more like.... An adendum. Like they knew they wanted a main angel antagonist, and then just went "oh wouldn't it be cool if it was Lilith's ex husband too lol" and then rolled with that.

As for Adam being a good person once, trust me, that is also my headcanon, it's one of my favorite headcanons in fact, but... I wouldn't be surprised at all if it wasn't like that.

I think Adam was a good person once because of all the reasons you listed, but one of the reasons why they made Adam such a shithead is, yeah so he can work as a fun villain, but it's also to shed light on Heaven's hypocrisy and the fundamental problems of the system. It also serves to highlight how ridiculous Heaven is for allowing someone like Adam in for being privileged from the start, but not allowing the people in Hell who are arguably not worse than Adam. Adam isn't only a villain, he's also showcasing the issues of Heaven and their double standards.

And on the subject of the writing process, sometimes for shows like these, it's completely possible that the writing team is aware of how good of a character Adam is, it's highly likely that they've seen the sinner Adam AUs and all the love he's gotten since the show ended, and some of them probably agree that it would be an awesome story! .... But they still had to choose not to do it.

Again, at the end of the day, Adam is not a core part of Hazbin or its themes. Sure, he could represent redemption, but we're also kinda doing that with Angel and Pentious and maybe with other characters. They can't tell EVERY character's story because that just goes outside of the scope of the show. So, they need to prioritize Angel, or Husk, or maybe even Alastor if he gets some sort of redemption too. The show has a set of main characters and it has to put them before the villains, specially when they didn't even know if they'd get a season 2 (or how many more seasons they're going to get). The main cast is already a bit underdeveloped and I can't imagine them cutting even more of that for the vulgar, genocidal villain.

It's hard being an Adam fan that also has a vague idea of how shows and writing work lol

[thegayestdiaz]

eddie + tommy similarities = helicopters, army, muay thai, wrestling, classic cars, clothing. it’s literally so many interests (most of which we didn’t know eddie was even into before 704, almost as if they were written in deliberately…) and work history and even the henleys lol

the two have been written literally as dupes of eachother and that can be argued 2 ways

- they have a lot in common therefore they are good friends. possible, but it’s interesting that we haven’t actually seen/heard any more of their ‘good friendship’ since 704…

- he is a narrative parallel to eddie for a Reason that extends much further than 704. ‘the things buck likes about tmmy are the things he loves about eddie’ anyone?

anon i could kiss you! i could marry you! this is what i’ve been saying. we like to joke but at the end of the day it was A Choice™ to write it that way. because why did they make eddie and tommy so similar? okay maybe buck just has a type but that type didn’t exist before eddie. how else were we supposed to interpret it when it’s literally being handed to us? they really said we are going to make this as obvious as possible and people are still saying “it means nothing” if it meant nothing they wouldn’t have put it in the script.

[kouyou-arc-when]

helloo!

this is just based on a passing thought I had so it's kinda random 😅

may I ask what you HC or think about Dazai's birthday during his port mafia days? Like, do you think Mori gave him presents, did the Buraiha trio greet him, etc?

Hey there, thanks for dropping by! <3 Again, apologies for not replying earlier <3 So, this is inspired by things I've seen in Mayoi and other supplementary material, like how Osamu appears to react to holidays in general. In Mayoi Dazai has this Christmas card. In it, Mori forces him to come to this Christmas party or some sort of event like that, and Dazai looks so fucking done that he has to attend - I swear, he looks like a wet cat whenever he's upset, which is so adorable. However, he later hangs out with Ango and Oda and seems cutely happy about it. Osamu goes like "oh, we managed to gather". You can definitely see that's his comfort place - he really looks adorably peaceful in that one animation Aside from that instance, in the letter you receive when purchasing volumes on the BSD anniversary, Dazai mentions that time holds no significance for him, implying that he doesn't celebrate or enjoy anniversaries at all. I got the impression that he feels the same way about birthdays, perhaps because they serve as a reminder that he doesn't want to continue living and how much time he has spent being alive, yet not much has changed regardless. In some way, all these normal human activities people do to celebrate life are probably painful and suffocating to him. My guess is that Dazai doesn't really care much about his birthday, and it all probably meant even less to him during the Port Mafia era when he was much grumpier. He strikes me as the type of person who wouldn't even disclose his actual birthdate to others just so they wouldn't bother him. I mean the guy used to live in the most impersonally decorated shipping container in SB. However, secretly, I imagine he would make sure to spend time with Oda and Ango on his bday. He would appear more cheerful than usual, simply happy that they were able to meet. His friends wouldn't even be aware that it's a special day, but he would know, and that's all that matters. Quality time definitely feels like his love language. My guess is that the only person who'd know it's his birthday would be Mori, who would give him the most proper gift ever - a tie, suit, something of that type. Dazai would be so done with it, but he'd probably use whatever he gets, since he tends to hold onto stuff people give him? (he wore the coat Mori gave him, and cared enough to burn it, then there are the matches too). I can't imagine Mori giving him something Dazai wouldn't use - considering how classy Mori is with his gifts and lifestyle (like the guy goes everywhere with a limo).

I could also envision him using "it's my birthdaay~" as an excuse to tease Chuuya - with the latter trying to be nice to him one day of the year. He would do his most™  to be super fucking annoying and try to get away with it, saying things like "you're so mean to me on my birthday." Chuuya would probably try to tolerate him more than usual, and Dazai would keep pushing until Chuuya finally loses his patience. It'd probably be super fucking amusing to Dazai to see how much Chuuya could tolerate just because it's his special day. But yeah, I feel like Dazai would have a mix of emotions on his birthday, and he'd want to spend the day with the only people who remind him why life is actually good - Ango and, especially, Odasaku. this was a fun question to think about <3

[katatonicimpression]

Prompt 59for sambucky!

Send me Prompts!

The last on in my inbox! I am so sorry this took me forever. And also sorry because heads up this is Divorce Era™ content.

“I’m in Nola right now,” Sam said, from the back of a taxi in Washington, DC.

He regretted the lie, but this meeting with Ross was beyond secret. Sam did not like the man one bit, but he wasn’t an idiot. You stick to the rules as best you can when the guy telling what to do owns the DOJ. 

Or at least, you do until they give you no choice. But Sam wasn’t in the mood to commit treason… again… at least not this week.

“What about you, you still in DC?” He asked through the phone.

“Nah, New York.”

The taxi moved forward a few feet, then stopped in traffic again. It had taken them five minutes just to travel half a block, which sucked, although it had given Sam a good long time to look at the coffee shop over the road, and the chairs and tables outside of it. Sitting at one of those tables was Bucky.

“...came home last night, actually,” Bucky continued and Sam could swear he could make out his mouth forming the shape of the words from where he was sitting.

The thing is, Bucky had called him. He started this. Did he call him just to lie to him?

“How’ve you been, you good?” Bucky asked.

“Yeah, good. I’m fine,” Sam lied again. “Things are good.”

Things were not good. How could they be when Sam was stuck in gridlocked traffic, probably running late for a coerced meeting with the goddamn president, and was inexplicably on the phone with his ex making small talk while they both lied about their whereabouts.

“How about you?” He asked, instead of any of the questions he wanted to ask (such as, “why did you call me?” and “the fuck is your problem?”).

“Can’t complain.”

Now that sounded like a lie, like he wasn’t even trying to sound happy. He looked a mess too, not that Sam felt good for thinking it. His suit looked awful, and he needed a haircut. He looked tired too, as much as Sam could make out over this distance.

Sam wondered if he missed him.

Because he missed Bucky, despite everything. Especially right now. For all Bucky would pout and glare and probably make the situation worse - for all the ways that Bucky’s skill set was not remotely suited to this kind of situation (navigating the ins and outs of the US military industrial complex) - Sam knew he would feel better if he was sitting there next to him.

Not that he’d ever admit that.

“I was thinking,” Bucky began.

The taxi lurched forward again and Sam had to turn in his seat. He could still see Bucky through the back window. The driver threw him a look in the rearview mirror.

“I was thinking I could come down to Louisiana at some point.”

Oh? He was seriously trying it on again?

“Just as friends,” Bucky added, and Sam didn’t really believe him. 

The taxi started moving in earnest and Sam got one final glimpse of Bucky before they turned the corner, too far to really read anything in his face.

Sam turned back to face the front, rubbing at the crick in his neck.

“I’ve got plans this weekend,” he said, which was sort-of true. He suspected this Ross thing would take up his time for a few days at least. The next part was another lie, though. “And next week, we’ve got to to this wedding, one of Cass and AJ’s cousins on their dad’s side.”

“Oh.”

“Raincheck?”

“Yeah, I’d… I’d really like to see you. I’m just so busy right now.”

Busy, evidently, with things he either wouldn’t or couldn’t tell Sam about. Sam knew it would be hypocritical to be mad at him for it. Besides, he had enough valid reasons to be mad at him outside of the secrecy and/or lies.

“Sam?”

“Yeah.” Sam swallowed, something ugly and painful caught in his throat. “Yeah, I’d love to see you too, I just don’t know if I can.”

“We’ll find time.”

“No, I mean…”

He meant he didn’t know if he could bear it.

“Look, I gotta go,” he said, instead.

[theerurishipper]

The biggest truth that solves all plot holes in Miraculous: they’re bad writers.

No excuse of this being a kids show works because if you want to be not held accountable for holes then fine act like SpongeBob

but you can’t have everything

Yeah. I didn't give a damn about the "plot holes" in Seasons 1-2, or even Season 3 to some extent, because those were mostly monster of the week type of episodes. Sure, there were some semblances of plot and world-building, but it was still mostly episodic and the show still mostly focused on being goofy and entertaining, so I turned of my brain and enjoyed it greatly.

But then Season 4 came along and tried to change the tone of the series entirely, from being a monster of the week to having an actual plot and overarching story, and proved that the writers for the show don't really know how to do that? And then they started digging their holes deeper and deeper and made so many baffling decisions in the writing that the show just turned into a huge mess, full of unresolved plot points, underdeveloped characters, convoluted storytelling, and many unfortunate implications.

And it's like you said. If the show wants me to take it seriously, I will. I'm going to look at a show for what it is. When the show was presenting itself as a goofy episodic show to entertain kids, I judged it as such and I enjoyed it, because Miraculous is good at that. I loved Seasons 1 and 2. Season 3 less so, because it started The Plot™, and it wasn't good at that, but I still enjoyed a lot of it. But Seasons 4 and 5 came along and demanded I take them seriously, so I did. And they weren't good, because the writers aren't good at that kind of storytelling. They're good at goofy shenanigans, but not at complex plots and characters.

And "it's a kids show" is not an excuse. Kids shows can explore complex subjects and can have great plots and characters (ATLA). But it still has to be, you know, good. Kids aren't stupid. I know that kid me would have also hated the Season 5 finale, because Adrien is my favorite, and he wasn't there, and they made Marinette lose.

But at the same time, this is still a show for kids. Miraculous is a kids show, and therefore, it has the responsibility to not promote harmful messages. What would an abused child who is in a situation similar to Adrien's think when they see him call Gabriel a hero in the finale and say that he doesn't know if he'll ever be like him? Children aren't stupid and incapable of understanding anything, and they do deserve good quality of writing, but they also aren't capable of complex media analysis. And when you see people making these long-ass posts talking about how the finale is actually not what it seems like, actually, you have to consider the target audience. A kid isn't going to be picking up on the deep and nuanced hidden meanings in Gabriel final moments that prove he hasn't changed. They are going to see Gabriel hugging his wife, smiling and surrounded by pretty and warm lights while beautiful music plays. If we have to write all these long theories justifying the ending and trying to suggest that what was obviously portrayed on the screen isn't what the show is really trying to say, is a kid really going to get it?

Which is why you see so many people saying shit like "aw Gabriel was really a good man," or "he was never the villain." These people are probably like, 12–13 year olds, and they are watching a show meant for kids. And as a kid, I'm not going to like that Adrien wasn't in the finale, sure, but does that mean I'll understand that Gabriel is supposed to still be a bad guy when the show tells me to my face that he isn't?

It's not like the show can't deal with complex and nuanced characters. I myself have written many character analyses and have treated these characters as complex and nuanced, and they could have been. Again, look at ATLA. Zuko, for example, is a very complex character, but he is still brought to life in a way that allows kids to understand all the nuances and subtleties in his story clearly. There is a lot of rather complex symbolism, but the kids get the jist of it and can understand his story well, even if they don't catch all the minute details. Hell, take Azula. The show doesn't shy away from showing her doing bad things, but it also makes it blatantly obvious that you should feel sorry for her in the end, and that she's also a victim. Again, kids can understand this.

And that's where Miraculous falls flat. The writers fucked up their message. They wrote some deeply problematic stuff, where the abuser won. The bad guy won, but he was actually a good guy. So, people who act like Gabriel maybe aren't all that bad. What Gabriel did in the end was good, and we should all try to be like him. Kids aren't going to question it. In this way, "it's a kids show" goes from being an excuse to being a problem. It's what it says on the tin, and what's on the tin is not good. That's how I feel.

Thank you for your ask!

[ethanjhake]

Personal Life Update 🙃

Well, I quit my part time job.

I've been working as a deli clerk at a local grocery store for about a year and seven months, and during all that time I've been looking for better work options, applying to different (better) jobs, and found nothing.

Working there has been a big strain on me mentally. I'm a huge introvert by nature, meaning that too much social interaction will wear me out like nothing else. Working in a customer service position means a constant flow of new people who I have to interact with, so by the end of every day my energy would be so low I couldn't ever bring myself to work on my art or comics. And originally, the only reason I left my full time job was to free up more time for me to pursue comics as a career.

Where I work, the quality of customer service is meant to be really high. Your typical "the customer is always right" type of mentality. In my training they literally told me to think of the customer as my boss, since they are the ones ultimately paying the store and me by proxy.

But having to bow to the wishes of just Anyone has moral consequences when the customer is in fact not right, and very very wrong. The more and more I had bad customers, the more and more I was forced to watch, and even enable bad behavior.

Having to do this every day was crushing for me. All the while management was telling me to keep on smiling, like nothing was wrong. I started to employ coping mechanisms just to get me through the work day, but then I started to see that creep into my personal life. My wife would get my attention, just to show me a funny meme or something, and I'd mentally wince, as if she was a customer.

I love people, they're all beautiful and unique in their own ways. But my time behind the deli counter made me start to view everyone else as a potential threat, just in an effort to protect me from having to encounter wrong doing and then be forced to stand by and smile. Or even having to ask the wrong doer if there's any way I can help them?

So I quit. Or, I put in my two weeks. even as much as it pains me to have to spend another minute working there, I thought it would be best to leave in a way that feels respectable. I also wanted time to say goodbye to good coworkers I met there, and not leave them with an empty slot on the schedule that they would have to scramble to fill.

But the big problem with this is that I don't have another job lined up, and I've been looking for different jobs for almost two years and not found anything. So the best I can do right now is step out in faith. And I guess, sometimes you don't have to know where you're going quite yet, but you can't stay in the City of Destruction.

So I'm technically "unemployed" at the moment, although I will be taking on Door Dashing as a means to make money for the mean time. And there's hope in that. It looks like I can actually make more money doing that than I was at my old job. But even then the pay is uncertain, and I have to keep an extra eye on my car and its maintenance. It does also complicates taxes some.

It feels like the Wrong Decision™ in many ways, but even then, staying feels like an even worse decision. I wasn't even making that much money there.

Yesterday my boss offered to leave me in the system, so that if I needed more work I could shoot her a text and she could schedule me in as long as she had the extra hours. And on the one hand I was tempted, it felt like it could be a good safety net if all else fails. But after thinking it over, I said no. I think God is calling me to leave for good, and to trust that whatever happens He will provide. I don't know how He will or how long it'll take, but that's not what trusting is about. And I honestly feel like that's the point of what I'm going through right now. I feel like God specifically had my boss make that offer, not as a test, per se, but more to help me understand that I am stepping out in faith, and that—even as scary as it is—I do trust him.

So today is my last day. After that I go to Door Dashing and continue my work on SotF. And I guess, it really couldn't hurt to put a link to Ko-Fi here. I'm not asking for money so don't feel any pressure, but God does provide though his people. So if you feel so inclined here is my Ko-Fi.

And here I go,

[luvaryu]

love drought

pairing: tae x f.reader

genre: angst

warnings: established relationship, toxic tae, mentions of infidelity, y/n gets treated like shit and she’s okay with it, kinda? not proofread sry!

inspiration: love drought by beyoncé

word count: 475

“ten times out of nine, i know you’re lying.”

it’s a never ending cycle with taehyung. he cheats, swears up and down that it didn’t mean anything, i cry and forgive him. no matter how bad he treats me he’s the one i want to come home to.

“but nine times out of ten i know you’re trying”

“baby listen” taehyung starts with a hint of frustration in his voice.

"i’ve already told you, I'm making an effort to be better about this whole cheating thing."

i look at him, my heart heavy with doubt and hurt. “tae, i know you’re trying but can you try a little harder for me?."

he rolls his eyes, clearly irritated. "y/n, you're always so demanding. can’t you see I'm trying? you’re just so clingy and controlling. ease up, and maybe i won't be so tempted."

“all the loving i’ve been giving goes unnoticed”

"i’m simply loving you the way a girlfriend, should. where's the harm in that? how does that make me clingy?" i question him

“i’ve given you all my love, poured my heart and soul into our relationship, only to find that it goes unnoticed, leaving me questioning where I stand in your life.” i say

"that’s entirely on you, isn't it? just give me my damn space. how can you be this dense, unable to comprehend that you're suffocating me with how controlling you are and your neediness?" he sneers, venom in his tone.

"neediness? controlling? i’m simply seeking attention from my boyfriend, just like any normal girlfriend would. you label me as controlling, but I'm only asking you not to cheat – that's the bare fucking minimum in a relationship." i retort, frustration and hurt evident in my words.

“nine times out of ten, i’m in my feelings”

“just calm the fuck down y/n. she meant nothing and you know that.” taehyung utters bitterly.

“i would understand more if it was a different girl but this is the same girl. taehyung you’ve done it with her three times now. THREE.” i say back as tears fall down my cheeks.

“tell me, what did i do wrong?”

“why tae? just, just why?” he begins ascending the stairs, with me closely following, demanding answers.

“stop trying to avoid the question.”

“you want to know so bad? it’s because she actually has self-respect for herself, she carrys herself better than you ever will.” he retorts bitterly.

you knew he thought that way but you never thought he’d say it. damn that hurt.

“y/n can’t you see how you are? get it together, i treat you like shit and you take it. i can’t be with someone who doesn’t respect herself.”

“i can’t leave you, i love you too much tae, and you know that.” i can barely get words out. it feels like the room is closing around me. i start panicking and looking around the room.

“am i not thirsty enough?”

“i’ll do anything tae, just tell me. what do i have to do for you to love me, for you to stop?” i plead, my emotions pouring out.

taehyung reclines on the bed, nonchalantly scrolling through instagram ,seemingly unfazed by my heartfelt words.

“please tae, i want to be better. please i just need you to-“ i begin, but he interrupts me.

“listen baby, i just need you to let me do me” he sighs and makes eye contact with me.

“i love you y/n. i don’t ever mean to hurt you.”

i offer a hopeful smile, then crawl into bed to cuddle with him. this is a recurring pattern but i wouldn’t trade it for anything else because we’re made for each other.

“you and me could stop this love drought”

made by luvaryu™