#....i also have a lot of illustrations in my mind but idk if those will ever happen

[essektheylyss]

idk I kind of feel like I'm an idiot bc I actually enjoyed cr 3 from the jump to the end but like the blogs who follow bc I feel they are definitely more articulate and insightful than me are like "the whole thing was meaningless and pointless! matt fumbled everything!" so maybe I'm wrong to have liked it all? I'm not really sure where I'm going with this sorry

I think one thing to keep in mind is that many (and in fact, I would argue, most!) people who are critiquing the story and construction have also generally enjoyed the campaign as a whole! Certainly I don't know anyone who stuck it out through the end who did not overall enjoy watching it, for various reasons; I know there are people who hate watch, which I think is an absurd and honestly really stupid waste of time, but from my experience they are normally making snide and vicious tweet-length posts rather than long considerations of what isn't working for them.

There are also a lot of levels of critique—I've greatly enjoyed a lot of moments in isolation that I simultaneously felt weakened, contradicted, or even actively undermined the structure of the story as a whole, but those moments were still really fun and interesting beats. The Arch Heart's cameo comes to mind, as does, in hindsight, some of the construction of the post-Solstice split, but there are plenty of others of higher or lower impact on the story. In the finale the Raise Dead falls into this place very strongly, so I'm going to talk about it at length for a moment, since it was an absolutely stellar moment for me personally and as such I do think it serves as very illustrative of an example where I simultaneously fucking love a moment while finding it worth significant critique. I think it also touches on the critiques you're referring to, which I would summarize overall as the idea that many of the outcomes feel influenced negatively by pulled punches on the part of the DM rather than a flaw of one player or another. (Also, I want to talk about it cuz I love it. :3) This got very long but I think that to your point, it is worth examining in this amount of depth.

First, the good: it is an absolutely phenomenal culminating point of an arc that was only really concluded in summary; I have, as noted earlier this week, written at length about how Essek is never situated as a protagonist, which is functionally fine and even good. He ends up tied very strongly to Caleb's arc, and moves in the narrative in such a way after 2x97 that allows Caleb to reach a concluding note, and strengthens that narrative. So we only really hear about the outcome of Essek's choices, his inevitable leave from the Dynasty, in the summarization of the campaign 2 epilogue. This is not inherently a problem, because he is not a protagonist. But this moment does functionally create a material representation of that denouement, and in particular the tension between the outcomes of his poor choices and the better—potentially even good!—person he is trying to be as a result of the Nein's influence, which does strengthen his arc in its own right.

This moment also, hilariously, bears out my argument from this post. That the resurrection should only work with this intervention, particularly while the Nein are involved, does follow through on the Nein's general positioning within Exandria. Essek's leave happening without a fight (and, frankly, with only one attempted Counterspell) both makes for a very well-paced moment and also maintains the overall sense of story that the Nein impart when they are on screen; I'm thinking again of how their Ruidus episodes feel, much like their campaign and their post-campaign one-shots, like an intrigue action thriller series, and this fits well in that framing.

So overall, it is a fantastic moment... for the Nein. The Nein are not the protagonists of this story. They exist in the world, and are such active agents that they do continue to develop and exert motion on the narrative into this campaign, and frankly, I think this would have been fine if the party given ownership of this story and campaign did not abdicate their responsibility for it with unfortunate frequency. They do not exert a strong control over their story, which is at odds with the fact that the Nein do, and are present and also involved by the nature of their ending. It completely overshadows Ashton's heroic moment, in that the culminating action beat of this sequence is Essek getting away, which kind of takes the wind out of the sails of the Hells' involvement in the gods' outcome. It doesn't negate it, certainly, but it does refocus the story from them to, for some reason, Essek. So in this sense, it occurs at the expense of the Hells.

I find that while the handwaving of using dunamantic intervention to push Raise Dead beyond its limits (if indeed the reason it didn't originally work was because Ashton's brain was essentially gone) fits fine and even well within the framework of the Nein's story, and an NPC being able to do so without a roll is fine, since NPCs are vehicles the DM uses to guide the story, this is a significant divergence from the overall mechanics of the world at large; even the Nein had to do a full ritual for the resurrection of their tiefling. Matt put those mechanics in place specifically to create narrative meaning behind resurrections, which can feel very unmotivated and like a get out of jail free card in D&D, and while it's been noted that this would've really strained the runtime beyond its existing length, prioritizing it at the cost of, for instance, more truncated end notes for the Nein and Vox would've bolstered the Hells' presence in an ending to their own story that even many of their fans felt was ultimately lacking.

Giving the resurrection full weight would've also given Ashton's sacrifice and the Hells' involvement more narrative weight; the reason the other parties are involved at all is because the Hells were truly running on fumes by that point, but any lack of involvement this created could've been alleviated by having them directly involved through pre-established ritual elements that are not contingent on them having any mechanical offerings. So this moment sits within the context of critique that I agree with: that it felt like a pulled punch that ultimately also served to decenter the Hells within their own narrative, when it could've been used with more deliberate narrative force.

At the same time, I fucking love it, and watched it four times in a row yesterday, because it is so good—and it is, as I described, narratively and thematically coherent in one sense! And I think that is one issue of the campaign: many, many great moments are excellent and coherent in a certain framework but are weaker to varying degrees when considered as one piece of a larger whole. There are so many frameworks at play in this narrative, and not enough direct intervention to manage those as frameworks rather than as a single story, but at the same time, I think those frameworks are far more apparent if you're really looking for them, and that's much more difficult, if not impossible, when you're in the midst of them and telling the story.

I also don't think this means one cannot critique this; in fact, I would say this is more an issue of being a serialized narrative than an improvised one, which is often how critique of it has been pushed back against within the fandom. I was thinking about this as I'm currently in a course on, quite literally, how to critique comics, and we discussed this week how Marjane Satrapi said in an interview after making the film adaptation of Persepolis, which was first a serialized comic, that she ended up preferring the film, and I speculated that was because with a film, one has the ability to make a more cohesive narrative purely by virtue of the fact that with a serialized form, you cannot go back and make retroactive edits when new developments come to light. This is something that long-running comics must constantly navigate (as do many long TV shows), and in extreme circumstances such as decades-old comic franchises, ends up resulting in infinite timelines and hand-waving, which becomes so ridiculous that at this point it's a meme. In that scenario, though, it is not presented as a non-contradictory story, let alone a cohesive one.

Many of the critiques of campaign 3 are operating within the idea that this is presented as one overarching narrative. (And honestly, comics and other narratives that don't utilize that presentation are also still critiqued on that merit by people who greatly enjoy the texts they're critiquing anyway.) Within that context, I feel that the framing of the Raise Dead, as well as much of what would be my critique of the other pieces I referenced (the Arch Heart's cameo and some of the party-split sections) if I was to do the same kind of rundown of those, actively undermine this presentation by introducing and forefronting too many conflicting frameworks that are not interwoven well enough to create a single, cohesive overarching narrative.

This is a very long-winded way to illustrate my point, which is that I would really encourage reading critique not as a lack of enjoyment of the campaign, let alone a suggestion that no one should've enjoyed it (and if you did, then you're not smart enough to know better), but as a way to engage with the text(s) as presented within one framework or another. I think this is sometimes obscured in online fandom spaces, where we're not engaging in critique in as formal of a sense as one would in, say, an academic setting, where the norms generally dictate the framework one is using is explicitly stated if not fully delineated within the critique, but it is, more often than not, still implicitly present within the critique.

And as a final note, I would also really urge everyone reading others' opinions on something they enjoy to resist the urge to elide their own opinions from the conversation, even if you don't feel as articulate or as well-versed in critique. Critique is a trained skill, so it is certainly something one can pick up if they are inclined, and at the same time, someone doing it does not mean they are inherently right—and in fact, with all argumentative writing, it is up to the reader to consider the argument and decide whether or not they agree with it. (You can decide that you disagree with me about the Raise Dead! Just because I wrote a thousand words on it does not inherently make my interpretation truth; it's just an interpretation. You get to say whether or not you think my interpretation makes sense based on the evidence presented.) Even here I'm using the framework of some critique that others have made, but I don't delineate in full myself. In doing do I'm not presuming that you agree, but I am presuming that you've read it and know what I'm referring to. Strictly speaking it's also not even saying that I take that critique as true; it's saying that I feel the conclusions drawn are applicable as a basis for my argument. If you wanted, you could even say that you feel that my argument is irrelevant to you because you don't feel those critiques are true! But you ultimately do have to be the one to decide any of that, which does involve a balance between a confidence in the formation of your own opinions on the text and an openness to entertaining others'.

[layaart]

and here is all the serpent gates character designs together! 

[merriclo]

my english teacher let me write a character analysis of tim and lex from jurassic park for my final project let’s fucking gooooo

[the-cat-and-the-birdie]

I don't think non-New Yorkers know how funny Miles and Wiles having Jordans is.

Like it's REALLY funny and really Brooklyn - New York of him.

Miles, Wiles, and Jordan Sneakers - Clever Cultural Characterisation

[A MEDIUM length post were I talk about Brooklyn Sneaker Culture and it's use in ATSV]

Have you ever wondered -

Why is Miles the only one wearing branded clothing?

When all other brands are either spoofed or replaced, why is Miles - the main character wearing such VERY BLATANTLY branded sneakers?

And why is Nike, a random shoe brand, the choice to go with?

There's a reason the creators show Miles' creativity and personality through his shoes.

And it's because

JORDANS HAVE A CHOKEHOLD - on Black Guys in High School from NYC

And this might be bizarre to some and idk if it translates to other black communities- (please tell me if it does)

But here in Brooklyn, almost every masc guy in my high school was OBSESSED with Jordans. Most guys I knew can name certain releases by looking at them, and had multiple pairs in different colors

JORDANS WERE LIKE SOCIAL CURRENCY - from middle school all the way to college. And it's a very cultural thing here in Brooklyn.

What colors you had and how many are something you bragged about. Many guys own multiple different colorways of Jordan's and will WAIT in line hours for a new release.

There's a store call Flight Club here in the city, and sometimes you'll see the line going out the door, of well dressed black guys waiting for the new release of Nikes to start going on sale.

Of course Adidas is popular, but no where near the culture hold as Nike to us.

I remember begging my parents for like a week until they brought me Black Air Force 1s

And I STILL have them over ten years later. They're too small, but they're holding up well. And even until this day, my home town is lined with sneaker stores. There's one around the corner from me rn.

Here it really is natural for guys LOVE JORDANS and to use them as a form of self expression. It's not odd for Fashion is on the minds of black guys in Brooklyn.

Even in high school, guys were matching their outfits and always trying to get the latest brand name. Mind you, this is an inner-city school full of 98% low income black kids. For us that was a social language.

Some shoes even have their own 'personalities' tied to them:

For example:

Black Air Force 1s (the one above) are often called 'hit a lick' shoes. Hitting a lick means to rob someone. So there's this idea that if you have those on you about that action lol it's an chill inside joke though it isn't serious.

White Air Forces are seen for guys who DON'T do that because they're too worried about getting their white ass shoes so clean.

Keep the above in mind for the next part

Hair cuts - like shape-ups and fades, Backpacks, and Shoes are three big things that were a fashion influence in my high school HARD.

Trends also are a big thing here, and they come on really quickly. I remember for maybe four years a brand called Sprayground got big, and after all SO many high school kids started collecting these $80 bags in all different colors. I wanted one so bad.

A lot of them had illustrations of things like money or weed.

If you see a mfer with the shark mouth bookbag RUN he's the biggest fuckboy you've ever met.

Which is to say - !42 WOULD HAVE ONE OF THESE BAGS

Guys get SO INTO THEM

How many of the iconic orange boxes that you lined up in your room (yes they keep them) was something you boasted about.

MFers would deadass have this in the corner of their room and bring you over talking about sum 'it's decor' SIR IT'S A HOARDING ADDICTION

They'll walk different, and NEVER squat, because doing that might crease the leather along the toe box. And creased Jordans are not fresh so what's the point - they're ruined. A guy in my class use to being plastic bags and tie them around his ankles when it rained then he walked home.

Like look at this Reddit post I found -

'is he stupid' 😭😭that's so mean but like here EVERY guy just assumes you know not to do that to Jordans ever

And that's why the creators do it - AND THEY DO IT WELL

And it's so impressive their deep understanding of this very specific thing that happens in mostly black high schools in NYC.

Cause that's not something you can just search up and research really.

Because of our culture - Miles & Miles!42's shoes are a silent language in their own right.

Like Miles!42's shoes are one of the first things we see about him.

They're the first thing we're suppose to notice - because it let's is compare him to Miles.

Miles' Jordans are iconic - the white and red shoes.

They're clean and white, with pops of color and personality. Like Miles, he's about being the good of Spider-man, while also getting himself and adding his own colors to it.

And because it's natural to the character and the culture, they let his shoes be the signal that Wiles is not like Miles. He has a different style, in fighting, in speaking, in personality, from his hair literally down to his shoes.

REMEMBER HOW I TALKED ABOUT SHOES HAVING PERSONALITY AND THE BLACK AIR FORCES ??????

Wiles' shoes are VERY similar to Black Air Force 1s. It's basically that with utility bags and purple detailing.

That's a signal - like I said: WILES IS ABOUT THAT ACTION. He's here to get his lick back.

From his standpoint, as a black guy from Brooklyn with his personality, he would know about this culture. He'd know the message black Nikes send where he's from.

It'd be natural for him - Hell yeah he'd go for the black Jordans.

He's speaking his social language.

Wiles' doesn't have to say 'fuck around and find out' he got on Air Forces with bags on them - HE'S ABOUT IT.

The writers didn't wake up one day and say 'Oh Nike wants a brand deal?! Okay cool'.

They don't show Wiles' shoes to be like 'LOOKY BUY THE NICE SHOES' - We are shown this shot

For them to be like : This is who Miles!42 is.

Because of sneakers.

Isn't that COOL? ISN'T IT. ISN'T IT COOL THE SOCIAL DYNAMICS OF INNER CITY BLACK KIDS IN NEW YORK??

But it's really funny to me to see Wiles shoes and be like 'damn he bout to fuck Miles up'.

THE IDEA OF THEM FEIGNING OVER JORDANS Fyyofydyogoc

Do guys where you are do this?? Like is this a thing y'all know any Sneakerheads.

Anyway I would put a pic of Hobie but I'm on mobile so they won't let me and I'm lazy

Bye.

[artemisiavulgaris1114]

I normally don't do discourse but, I've seen some floating around and I maybe have some relevant perspectives so here's my opinion on a thing:

so I am a hella subtext girlie. ships are always painful as fuck for me (in the good way) because give me breadcrumbs and I'm HOOKED I wanna eat that whole loaf crumb by crumb!! no ez mode. that's boring. I love a nice slow burn, I'll happily gnaw my way through 50 chapters of complicated setup and character development before they even meet (and like lol maybe this is actually the problem). And I love Lucanis's romance and I'm happy with his story, the writing and the way it progressed for the most part. I'm demi so I got it and that's all I'm gonna say on that point til a bit further down.

I STILL think that the way it was handled doesn't work well with the pacing of the game, and I don't think that's down to the writing, I think it's mostly the way the game story progression was designed. I think this is true to some degree for all the romances because there's no interactivity outside of quest cutscenes and the ambient dialogue that happens right after the commitment scene. But especially for Lucanis because to me their romance is in the little details, the every day interactions as their relationship slowly deepens. That's obviously done really well in the cutscenes we get, but feels like it makes less sense in the scope of the whole story because there are a whole bunch of in-between pieces missing.

If you're going to finish everything there is to do by the end of the game, a huge chunk of the time that you spend doing quests is completely devoid of any reference to your romance. I feel like especially for Lucanis and Rook more ambient dialogue between them would have made it feel more natural and substantial, especially especially if they are both Crows. For example, the way it's handled between Taash and Harding/Lucanis and Neve feels much smoother and the development is more overt. I think being that those happen more toward the end of the game, there feels like more of a natural character development-relationship development progression as you go through their individual quests.

Like, 2-3 lines of additional unique dialogue peppered throughout the lead-up to endgame after the romance is locked in with Lucanis would have vastly improved it and helped bridge the gap, I feel. And I'm not necessarily talking about romantic interactions, just some unique dialogue to show how well they've come to know each other, how Rook understands his mind and that it helps them build trust, any sort of communication to illustrate the subtler ways they're building their bond. It's clear from Lucanis's journal that they're intended to be spending a decent chunk of their off-time together--so why is there little to no evidence of it in game other than the initial reference? There's no reactivity from Teia and Viago, which made me sad because theirs is the reaction I'd want to see the most. I've gotten lines from Neve and Taash about the romance after it's locked in, and the convo with Emmrich about gifts, but that's it as far as other companions go. Maybe there's stuff I'm missing? Maybe this is something lacking in all the romances.

And honestly as a demi person the final romance scene kinda came out of left field for me. considering it felt like not much communication had been happening leading up to it (minus the pre-endgame convo, which I'm also gonna mini-argue should be more explicit with the emotions involved from Rook's end, like the spanish translation) and understandably a lot has been going on. but I wasn't really expecting it to escalate the way it did with so little dialogue, I'm fine with it but this is one of those cases where I prefer less subtext and more text before something like that happens, actually.

I did a replay where I saved Lucanis's quests until last and that honestly felt a lot better, so maybe the pacing's just a me problem idk. I'm gonna chalk a lot of this stuff up to cut content? and maybe like, the fact that they didn't want to get too specific with Rook's ambient dialogue since they're meant to be player-driven. Going back to the companion romance comparison, it's a lot easier to write dialogue between two characters who are more specifically defined.

Anyway blah blah that's it. i'm nitpicking because overall I'm happy, so anything i feel doesn't work or is lacking is gonna be a gripe, and you can be happy and still have valid criticisms. I enjoyed the game and the writing and the characters quite a lot, and I honestly wasn't expecting to, so yay! Time to gnaw on that subtext and see what kinda creative juice comes out~

[infiniteorangethethird]

hellou hi i have a question if you don't mind :]

so, i have been considering using the loveless label for a while because i relate to y'all heavily but there's one issue. while i don't think i experience love for other people in a way loving folk seem to describe love..? i very much want to BE loved

this is probably tied to my NPD, both the loveless and the needing love parts

basically my question is - can you still be considered a loveless aro(ace, apl etc.) if you desire to be loved (w/o being able to reciprocate)?

sorry if it's a stupid question because maybe it defeats the purpose? idk. i've searched all of the internet and couldn't find anything even close to an answer tho so yeah :')

hi anon, my apologies for taking so long to reply 😭 I don't have an excuse besides a somewhat busy schedule and "I suck at replying at reasonable times sometimes" lmao

Short answer: yes.

Long answer: the good thing about the loveless label is that it's deliberately meant as a very fluid and dynamic label, defined by its user first and foremost. Some people call themselves loveless because they don't feel love at all, while others may use it because the love they feel does not seem to fit societal expectations, or even because they do feel love, but it's not as intense/special/important to them as society deems it to be.

All of these are just examples, but it illustrates the many ways one can interpret this label for themself. If you feel it is a good descriptor of your experiences and you feel comfortable using it for yourself? Go for it! (And welcome to the community <2)

As someone who works to deconstruct the romanticized idea of love, though, I can't help but make a note on the "wanting to be loved" part. (To be clear: this is NOT a jab at you, anon, nor at anyone who might be feeling similar; moreso thoughts and advice you can chew on if you'd like, or ignore if you don't.) In a lot of people's minds, there's a very strong connotation between "love" and "any kind of positive treatment", and as such I think it's worth asking ourselves: what do I mean when I say I want to be loved? Do I want them to feel a certain way about me, to act a certain way around me? What kind of treatment am I expecting of people who say they love me?

Love is a very individual thing, and knowing what you mean by love can help both in figuring out those expectations and in communicating them towards others. It also helps deconstruct the idea that "action made from love = good & action made not of love = bad". People who love you can still hurt you (hence why it's good to know what treatment you want, besides being loved), and people can still act good to you without love being a motivating factor behind it.

I hope this helps!

[beartitled]

Hey Bear remember the detailed art where it’s a place and there’s a just filled with different bears, I think it will be a great excuse to practice but idk how to approach it. Any tips?? Or just things you learn when you started drawing those

Hellow 👋

I have a feeling you asked this a while ago, but I only saw it now

If it's the case, sorry must be a tumblr glitch💥

👏a wall of text warning👏/silly

Planning

First thing I usually do is - I plan a lot beforehand

Especially if it’s a drawing with existing characters

Ironically TSP/STP drawings were easier to do for me

Even though bear megadrawings look simpler (I think?)

Basically when you already have a list of character you want to include - you just need to think where to locate them

When you just draw a lot of random characters - you need to design every single one

Which is kinda a nightmare on your brain 💥

The second type is a lot more flexible tho (you can add or remove characters at will, no count needed)

Project stages

I will use TSP + Undertale reblog chain drawing as an example

1) Collecting references - if you plan to draw existing characters, it’s better to gather all the references

Making an additional list of all characters helps too (this way you can track which character you already drawn)

2) Planning the area

Photobashing or finding a good location reference really helps here

Sadly don’t have a photobash I did for this, I deleted everything 💥

This is just an example to demonstrate things 👆

I usually just do a rough sketch on a small piece of paper

You don’t have to have it 100% planned, if characters don’t fit, you can just extend/edit the area

3) Character planning

You have to determine where your characters will be located

The common mistake I see when ppl draw detailed drawings: they draw a singular character and move on to add others

If you’re doing it digitally, this may not be a problem for you (ya know just make a character smaller or move them, problem solved)

But what I recommend doing:

Is drawing shapes where you plan to put characters in

This will help you plan out the composition more and regulate the character amount in different parts of the drawing

Also keep in mind the size of you character

I struggle with it to this day tbh

Usually the characters on the foreground are bigger then the ones on the background (this is one of the art principles used to showcase distance)

But an interesting thing you may notice when looking at illustrations like “Where’s Waldo” series

This principle often may be ignored

It’s still kinda present, but you can pretty much say many characters are -+ the same size

My theory is that it’s done to make every character equal, so the purpose to find Waldo is still challenging

+ I think to keep the whole picture harmonious

I may not know certain principles (the nitty-gritty of detailed art like this)

So keep in mind this is just my experience, do your research too >:D

4) Key characters

This one is a bit vague, but I will try to explain it the best I can

When you have a specific character, who, for example, is way bigger or has brighter colours then the rest

Special bois 🌸

You need to give them more attention

Let’s see an example

- Big creatures on da background - they were drafted first, bc they required a lot place

- Spider Barry - a special area for spider characters

- Thierry - active action, running, led to a chain of characters interacting

- Narry Grilby’s, Bearline, Pixel Alphys - themed areas for certain characters

(my apologies if I made a mistake in any character name here, let me know, I will fix it)

+ Advice for colour: try to keep them the similar saturation, so the image looks harmonious

You don’t really have to have key characters, it’s just my method that makes the process easier to plan out

5) Art part let’s gooo

This part is up to you obviously, different ppl draw differently

For me it’s usually > small draft > sketch > line art > scan > colour

Advice for my traditional artist - ya’ll need a big paper sheet

I usually work on A3 format, bc it’s easier to scan

But the bigger the paper the more detailed characters you can draw

This one as an example

Bc rookie mistake

Too many characters, not enough paper

I used A3, but looking back A2 would work way better here

I used a really thin line pen (005) and didn’t realise the consequences of that 💥

As a result scan turned out not the best quality (+ if you zoom in on the faces 🐻‍❄️🔫)

It was impressive at the time, but rrrr I wish I just bought a bigger piece of paper back then 💥

Just to illustrate the issue

On the top are pens I usually use for comics lineart, the bottom one is 005

And my finger as an obscure reference lmao 💥

As you can see the lines are REALLY DAMN THIN and everything is smol, tiny even

So just keep that in mind 👍

And for my digital fellas

🫵 Big canvas 🫵 big 🫵 the pixels will eat u 🫵

How much time it takes

Practicing concentration and patience is important 💥

This may sound silly, but it does help with finishing stuff

Projects like those require a ton of patience and focus

So just mentally prepare yourself for sitting on your desk for hours™️

From my experience I would recommend to start with small drawings with a small amount of characters

And then gradually build up to bigger amounts and more details

My first ever megadrawing was this piece

Line art took 2 weeks, colouring -+ a week I believe

This was exhausting the first time 💥

After practicing the process became faster and less tiring

The TSP x Undertale took about 4 days (but like full 4 days)

Remember doing lineart in 1 day, taking breaks just to like eat

🫵Ok don’t worry about me🫵

I have a tendency to concentrate on things for a really long periods of time, so it’s not a “🔥I WILL BURN MYSELF OUT WITH THIS PROJECT LET’S GO🔥” type of deal, this is pretty much how I am

If I enjoy a specific process I can spend an entire day doing just that, without getting tired (the only problem could be not enough movement and eye pain, my eternal enemy 👿)

But 🫵 don’t expect yourself to do the same 🫵

Start small, practice, don’t push your limits right away

Take breaks and care about yourself fellas 👏

Good luck with your projects🫡

Alright

Hope it was helpful, thank u for you question ❤️

For new ppl here, you can check the megadrawings section in navigation (pinned post), if you got interested

[post-punk-revival]

How did you discover your kintypes?

Good question!

Short answer: I didn't, you can't, (math analogy)

Long answer:

I don't believe one can ever actually "discover" their kintypes, because that's one of those concepts that you can have puzzled out down to the most minute detail and still not be able to touch the pure truth. It's too subjective. It's like science. The most you can do is go with the closest theory you have, and that's what you tell people, and if there are no glitsches then it's as close to right as you can come, but the relationship I have with the certainty of my kintypes is asymptotic.

I know what you're asking though is how I landed on the ones I've named, but idk, it's kind of different between them, and they all have to come with the background understanding that they might just straight up change. I'm an osprey from dedicated and extensive research, comparing behavioral and anatomical data points, and deciding on the most exact conclusion that also makes me comfortable. I'm an alien because over several years I slowly and gradually had the creeping realization that I wouldn't have ever been anything else still knowing I'm alterhuman, but I'm a novakid specifically because I found them on a fan wiki for homebrew D&D races and was up until 6 am frantically having (literal) lights go off in my head and then less than a few hours after I first heard of Starbound, I was one. I know the robot bug and audiophage kintypes because I've had those feelings for so long with no good analogue in media or folklore that I decided to just say fuck it and make it myself so I can at least have an image, but I could always stumble upon something that proves me wrong! I'm a specific big fish beast because none of the other specific big fish beasts were adding up and this one does, but I'm open-minded to ones that might fit more.

Although Leviathan, and a lot of my other kintypes, are kind of nebulous by definition; AI, audiophage, my Cambrian mollusc thing and vaguely-objectkin thing I have going on, I've realized just can't be things I point at and go "Look it's me, Pandion haliaetus carolinensis" like my theriotypes. I spent a while trying to decide on WHAT kind of computer I was specifically, but there just isn't one. I will see myself equally as a 1950s vacuum tube IBM and a modern chat algorithm. Then on a different day I'll relate a lot to sentient spaceship AIs. Leviathan is something that, unlike the things I questioned before landing on it like mosasaur and kaiju and [insert every species of fish ever], is both physically and conceptually inconsistent depending on the depiction. I can point to both a traditional illustration of a giant apocalyptic fish that fights G-d and also a modern illustration of a wild-animalistic sea dragon with tentacles and say "me!" So at that point I can also point to shifts of both gills and fins and also many clawed talons and a reptilian tail and say "Leviathan!"

A lot of them are just like... kind of acceptances, and I can't pinpoint when or where it was that I was like "So I've been writing [something] from the POV of this species or roleplaying as or using it as an avatar and reblogging posts about them jokingly going 'haha me' and pointing them out as something I have attachment to for utterly no reason than my association with them and even just straight up referring to myself as 'basically one' sometimes, so eventually I gotta say I guess I am sort of a [raven/fish/centipede/cephalopod/drain fly therian] and just don't even really need to talk about it." It just feels like whatever. Not an epiphany. Just ascribing a label to something that was already there, regardless if it was always there or not.

But like... to bring it back around to the original thesis statement... there's nothing to discover, or unearth like a core. At least not for me, and at least not anything that actually can have that done to it. There's not really a mathematical equation that'll show me the one true self. The closest I can get is f(x) = 1/x and call it a day, and if you don't look too closely, after a while it will start to look like a straight line.

[famdommcfanface]

An analysis of alcemy for the Magnus Protocol!

I have just finished the episode I have found a list of alchemical symbols let's fucking gooo baby. Just to clarify it is my belief these are the new entities. I know it would probably be better if they were less rigidly defined but I love sorting things and am hyped!!! This is going to be long so strap in (not all of those though they're just to illustrate)! I am so sorry if you use dark mode (like me!) these images are almost all transparent.

1: Mercury!

Referring to both the metal and the planet, go wild. Mercury is all about transcending boundaries as it's kind of both a solid and a liquid (it's not but whatever), specifically the boundary of life and death, possibly even transcend death. That seems relevant. Also related to snakes so if snakes show up... probably mercury. Also if we ever get some sort of white queen in a chess way? Mercury. It also represents the mind, or spirit maybe? It's got a lot going on. Colin said it'd make the world end. Fuck yeah probably why not.

2: Salt

This is one that is not included on one list I have but is on the other. I'm not guaranteeing all of these are significant I'm finding it hard to find a definite list. If you look into just all the alchemical symbols they've got loads and I doubt they're all significant. Anyway. Salt is the physical body in this trifecta (we'll come onto that). Very to do with physicality, the body, honestly might manifest in a few ways similar to the Flesh. Also to do with purification? In general but also 'purifying' the body which I think medieval people meant in a good way but sounds evil to me. There is also of course, seperate to the whole alchemy thing, salt circles and all that. You've seen supernatural you know what I'm talking about. Although that's also to do with purification.

3: Sulphur

Or sulfur, if you are American. This one's actually got a few different symbols but let's go with this one for now. Honestly, and I know we shouldn't be comparing these to the TMA entities, but this one's pretty desolation. It's all dry heat and masculine destructive energy. Yeah this one's 'masculine' and mercury's 'feminine' for some reason, I doubt that will come up. Which I guess makes salt non-binary. This is the red king, too. This is the soul in the 'tria prima', Mercury, salt and sulphur, which were the three first elements apparently, and also cause disease? Idk. That might be relevant. Hell's meant to smell of sulphur, that tells you most of what you need to know. Again, we've all seen Supernatural. Colin said something about this making you go mad. I think yeah sure but less spiral-type mad more slaughter-type mad.

4: Air

Right, onto the four basic elements. These all have a humour related to them too and air has blood for some reason. Air is life and light and God and passion and all that good shit. I have to imagine it's gonna have some vast shit going on too because I don't think Jonny can help himself, but it's also to do with being changable and generally quite nice. Oh also ideas and creativity. All that good shit!

5: Earth

Basically the opposite of air. The 'masculine counterpart' as all these websites keep saying. It's associated with salt, which makes sense, and is all about stillness and being grounded and again, I feel like there's going to be some buried attributes in there. It's got the humour black bile which is all about sadness and shit. Most of the four basic elements are fairly self-explanatory.

6: Fire

You know what fire does. Passion, emotion, love and hate and all that. Although honestly in an alchemical way fire seems to be more emotional. So far (and I am writing these as I look into them) if you want something based around physical destruction you're gonna wanna look at sulphur. Its humour is yellow bile.

7: Water

Water, humour is phlegm, connected to mercury, honestly alchemically I can't find anyone having much to say about it but y'know. It's water. BUT I HAVE THINGS TO SAY ABOUT WATER. Okay so this has gotta be the deep, right? The whole mix of the buried and the vast thing with the sea? That killed the girl Alice saw? Or at least was involved with the death. It's all very water.

8: Lead

Right, onto planetary metals! Which Mercury kind of also was but hey ho. So, Lead is associated with Saturn. So, alchemists believed that lead was the base metal, that all other metals were just lead that had turned into something else. Which means it's really important but also kinda sucks, and is why people kept trying to make it into gold. So lead is also to do with change but also kind of purity as they thought it 'purified' into gold. Also associated with the Roman god Saturn/Greek god Chronos, who are both to do with time so that might be involved.

9: Tin

To do with the planet Jupiter. It seems to be connected to wisdom and maturity and education and all that. BUT ALSO. It is connected to Lady Mowbray, hell yeah. Because I watched a video about the arg and noted that on the back of Lady M's assistant's clipboard or whatever is this symbol which I recognised at the time as Jupiter! Now. What does tin have to do with dogs and eating people. As far as I can tell fuck all. I thought I'd misremembered for a moment and it was actually the Saturn symbol because that would work with cannibalism at least but no Lady Mowbray seems to serve... tin. Which is kind of funny. I get the connection to nobility at least, Jupiter is king of the gods after all, but as far as I know he doesn't hunt people with dogs? Idk.

10: Iron

Related to Mars and, as I'm sure you can tell, men. Because these fuckers loved gender. Similar to fire it's all about anger and passion, but also seeing as Mars is the god of war I don't think it's beyond belief we've got something similar to the slaughter on our hands here.

11: Gold

Connected to the sun and therefore does not have a classical god I can interpret. Damn. Maybe Apollo? Gold is about having gay lovers. No. So gold's big thing is that it doesn't corrode. Something about staying as you are, the opposite of Air's changability, sort of similar to earth... I could make something out of this.

12: Copper

Well hello ladies. Copper actually has a cooler symbol but I suspect we're sticking with these. Connected to Venus, obviously, which is all about attractiveness and desirability because copper is a very pretty metal. Personally, I would say episode 2 is to do with copper. I don't know if ink5oul themself is (I think they might sort of span entities) but what's her name from the episode and her obsession with looking good seems very copper to me. I know I'm not sorting all these episodes (yet! I have to relisten first) but this one jumped out at me. Copper is also to do with love, of course. I feel like one reason maybe the desire theory got so big is a lot of alchemical elements are to do with love and desire, so that just sort of bled through?

13: Silver

That's right, it's the moon! Very to do with mystery and weird shit. I think if you get the non-literal elements of The Dark you've got Silver. Also keeps away evil, again, Supernatural. Although it also has to do with tides so I think there is a very small chance that actually this is the Deep? I doubt it though.

14: Antimony

So I wasn't going to do the mundane elements because they're less likely to be important (you'll see) but some of them are really interesting! I might not do them all. Anyway, antimony is about the wild and animalistic side of human nature, and is to do with wolves. That remind you of anyone? A certain... aristocratic milf? I know she's connected to tin but it should be antimony okay??

15: Arsenic

Arsenic is cool, we all know it. It's my mum's favourite element on the periodic table. Anyway. Swans? It's to do with swans. Apparently it transforms its appearance like a cygnet to a swan. It also fucking kills people which I'm not convinced the alchmists were aware of.

16: Bismuth

Nobody knows what they were doing with bismuth. RIP. Also, I don't know my astronomy but that is taurus. Does that mean anything? I looked into the metal; it's quite pretty and people get it mixed up with tin.

17: Magnesium

Oh boy. It's hard to extinguish once it's lit, so it represents eternity! That's gotta be something babyy! Some combination of the end and the vast and all that.

18: Phosphorus

They thought phosphorus trapped light. I know it's easy to say this from a modern perspective but alchemists were fucking dumb. I feel like I could disprove this. But they were the first scientists so we have to be nice to them I guess...

19: Platinum

Supposedly a combination of gold and silver, hence the symbol. Possibly something about being bound to something... idk.

20: Potassium

Or potash. Didn't seem to have much historical context. But I believe it has very important modern context.

21: Zinc

They burned zinc to get what they called 'white snow'. You fucking idiots snow is already white.

That's it! Honourable mention to horse dung, which is a more obscure element but gets its own symbol and everything.

also soap and urine and all sorts of shit so I think we should stop there. What have we learnt? Possibly nothing! One of these has got to be to do with plants - I assume earth? That would make sense. One's something to do with luck from the sounds of things and I have no idea what that is, hopefully someone knows more about alchemy than I do for that. There's definitely some sort of watcher and I think either that's the eye crossed into this dimension or possibly mercury? I don't think the names are going to be these because honestly imagine Lady Mowbray being like hey I serve Tin. She's probably going to say Jupiter but we all have to know in our heart of hearts. It's just fucking tin. I am very tired I am going to bed.

[gynnieee]

holy shit dude how is your art so gorgeous I am literally sitting here gawking at it. This is like walking into a museum. Wow.

how/where did you learn to draw, if you don’t mind me asking? your style is very painterly, so I’m curious if you had any sort of official education or if you just learned all of this on your own

also do you sell prints of your work anywhere? I seriously wanna put your Boothill piece up on my wall it’s so beautiful. (if paper was edible you know I’d be printing eat out and consuming. it’s so good. like oh my god.)

AHHH DUDE im literally kicking my feet blushing reading your repost of my boothill fanart omg youre too kind😭

I mean technically i do have official education bcs i went to a graphic design high school program and nowadays im also stumbling trough an illustration course in uni where we do a lot of painting with acryllics and traditional stuff like that which def contributed to my improvement but i learned the most about drawing just from other artists online and uhh.. copying other artists online when i was younger hehe.. i hate drawing when i dont want to so i didnt really take a lot from my education lmao id say copying/studying wlop and ruan jia when i was 16 did the most for my art bcs they both also draw in a very painterly way! At the end of the day nothing that a professor says to you can make you improve if you dont care about it enough so yeah idk im rambling now but just being excited about other peoples art is huge for improvement and is def how i learned to draw the way i do!

And AAHHHH THANK YOU i dont sell prints yet but i will probably start selling some on inprint very soon! I need at least 3 drawings that dont look painterly in the unfinished sense to get started on there so im workin on it- the boothill drawing is one of those that are ready to go so😈

[distant--shadow]

Can you share a little bit about your art process? I'm curious to know about how you use references and how you figure out compositions. Your pieces are always so nice to look at and I love how you post a full piece and then a close up, and both of those look really nice on their own.

Love your art <3

(hooo this is long. sorry I love 2 chat.)

well it's multiple factors; in regards to being able to crop a close up and having that work as its own image, that's thanks to the scale the digital medium allows with ease; if these were traditional pencil drawings they would have to be pretty fucking big to have that much detailing on the face, and that in turn would make the drawing process different as you'd be having to step back often, but it's a lot easier digitally to just zoom in back and forth, check things are working from zoomed in and out, flip the image to see things with fresh eyes and make sure things are looking alright etc. I've been drawing on paper for years, and mostly draw/paint in a completely different style to how I do for my fanart, so coming in to digital and seeing it as a hugely different beast actually kinda helps in that sense (tho I'd say most of the time the digital thing really hinders me).

on that digital vs traditional note though, I take pretty much all of my inspiration from traditional artists, so when I'm drawing fanart I'm thinking about how I want the drawing to give me the feeling and sorta composition that those pieces I admire have, whether it's more modern queer and fetish art or old masters and book illustrators. it's having an awareness that the human brain wants to focus in on a face or find eyes, getting as much emotion across in that area but also being conscious and having fun of the potential narrative telling of other details and what the body is doing, sewing in your own symbolism.

for figuring out poses, I have a visual mind, I can see compositions pretty well in my head, so for example; if someone who is commissioning something states the details they would like in a piece, I can usually tell without beggining the sketching stage that, for example, maybe they wouldn't be able to see the hand they want doing something specific if characters were interacting that way and we were seeing their faces as well, or you wouldn't be able to see one of their faces, and if you value seeing their expressions maybe let's chose what you prioritise in terms of what the viewer sees. idk what to give in terms of advice for that, I'm lucky I've got a photographic brain when it comes to stuff like drawing or other boons it grants me irl (but I'm useless with numbers and words so, it balances out).

as for reference I feel like I've touched on this a few times: reference is great! it's important if you're doing the style of drawing I'm doing here (but I also really love work that is more stylised as well, i love folk art and goofy and expressive things) at this point for the likes of Imogen and laudna (and I'm getting there with fearne) - I've drawn them so many times that I just reference myself, and if there's a specific expression I'm needing then I keep a shaving mirror near by and look at myself, same with hands, they're right there, draw straight from em or take a photograph (saying this I am not good at hands lol). other than that yes I will often look for reference of something that roughllly resembles what I wish to draw in terms of posing, and then it's a mixture of kinda treating the reference images like a frankenstein paper doll with metal pin joints and arranging them how I need, but as I've also said before I like to not have a 1:1 reference and duplicate because i want to get my own hand in there, figuring out angles and limbs with lines gives a little bit of movement, proportions being a little off shows what the maker wishes to exaggerate or minimise, these are all enjoyable things to me, I'm not tryna make something photo realistic. so yeah, reference good, reference teach, but your own hand is very important too.

in summary I use a combination of photo/painting/screen cap reference and just my intuition from years of drawing and looking at people for the bodies, and my own drawings and a mirror for the faces. sketching it all out takes quite a bit of time, and I often won't realise until near "the end" (after spending hours colouring caus idk the proper digital ways to do it) that I'm not happy with a thing or two. sometimes I try to "fix" this, sometimes I say "fuck it, it's an excercise and is what it is". people who have commissioned work from me might have had this happen where I've said I'm sending the drawing over and then been like actually can u wait a while I need to tweak some things and spend an hour doing so, caus part of my process is sending the image from my laptop to my phone, and not only is the colour different from my phone to my laptop, but once again it's like seeing it with a new set of eyes and pretty much always reveals a bunch of "mistakes" I've made. the phone thing also goes back to what I said earlier and what you brought up, of that intuition to look at an image both zoomed out in it's full composition, but also pushes our intuition to tap and zoom in (I'm sure there's essays on this shit about viewing art digitally and specifically on phones vs irl) this can be used to your advantage! maybe you have a style that suggests detail but when zoomed in it's very satisfying certain wide strokes of colour, or yeah you can pack in tiny details made with a finer point that you can't see zoomed out. one of the things that sucks about the style I do for my fanart is it's way more obvious when something is wrong. when it's stylised to you it's never gonna be wrong, yknow? uh. anyway. I hope this sorta answers your question. I'm happy to talk about making all day long, I always think what's best is to find what works for you. for me being inspired by things outside of the space youre making things for is really important, and plays part in us all not making similar end results. keep putting your own hand and brain to it and have fun.

thank you❣️

[angst-in-space]

2024 Fic Writer End of Year Roundup

Answer and then tag three or more creators to keep the game going!

i was tagged by @zencetera - thanks so much zen! 🥰 i'm planning to do a longer 2024 retrospective including both original work and fic but i thought this would be fun to do too hehe. let's go!!

1. How many words did you publish on AO3 in 2024?

about 26k. a majority of it was fic i wrote in previous years that i just hadn't bothered to post yet lol.

2. How many fics did you complete this year?

one 😅

3. How many in progress or ongoing fics did you start this year?

i thiiiink just two—bsd regency au and the sylvix time loop fic (which was supposed to be for sylvix week but uhhh oops!). i also wrote an entire soukoku oneshot.

4. What was your favorite thing you wrote?

probably the aforementioned soukoku oneshot, "take the dark (and carve me out a home)". either that or the bsd regency au, which is nowhere near complete yet but i've had a lot of fun writing it so far.

5. What piece was your most experimental or different from your usual style?

hm i don't have much to choose from since i didn't work on many things this year haha. but i would say maybe bsd regency since i'm trying to aim for more of a jane austen style/brand of humor. maybe also sylvix time loop fic since it's a lot angstier than what i typically write. 😂

6. Did any fics surprise you - either while writing or their reception?

i would say maybe the soukoku oneshot surprised me the most! it was a fic i just kind of started on a whim, and i was surprised by the way it just kind of flowed out so easily - especially since i think dazai is such a difficult character to write, but i wanted to challenge/push myself with it and i feel like it paid off! i was also pleasantly surprised by the reception since i really didn't expect many people to read it, and i was flattered that so many people commented that they liked the characterization in it since that was the part i was most nervous about.

7. Do you have a fic you wrote and loved that went under the radar? (This is your sign to reblog/repost it!)

hmm perhaps the renga practice kissing fic, "are we going somewhere"! technically i wrote it back in 2021 and have just been really slow to post/update it lol. i posted chapter 3 this year finally, and hope to post the remaining two chapters in 2025. it's gotten a bit less traction than i hoped, but i think that just may be because it's incomplete and has such sporadic updates (sorry lmao).

8. Who is an artist that inspired you?

ooohh there are so many i could name but some that come to mind are @riotb0nes @priintaniere @kaizmos @alciedoodles @iwamimimimi @thornedarrow to name a few!! just admire all their styles so much and the emotion their work evokes 🫶

9. Who is an author that inspired you?

idk if they are all on tumblr but some ao3 authors whose works i found inspiring this year: flipbookorigami, setosdarkness, Snow_Falls, LadyCharity, its_just_me27 💖

10. Who is a new author you discovered?

more or less same answer as above, i was new to reading bsd fic this year and most of those are bsd authors 😂

11. Did you do any collaborations? How did it start?

sort of! by which i mean i am working on a planned collab with @stellalights - it's for the sylvix time loop fic which we originally planned together for sylvix week but then we were both way too busy to complete it in time lol. however we are still planning to finish it eventually... i am currently writing it and ang is gonna do illustrations! :3

12. What accomplishments are you proudest of?

i wrote, finished, and posted a whole oneshot for the first time in a very long time haha. i started the bsd regency au. i posted a couple of old oneshots and updated two of my multichapter fics (including finally posting the last chapter of sylvix dreamscape fic!!!)

13. What did you learn about writing or creating this year?

when it comes to fic, i've been trying to really embrace more spontaneity and be okay with imperfection. in years past i've gotten very hung up on making my fics "perfect" and being anxious to post anything unless i'd edited it a billion times. since i've been focused more on original writing in the past couple years—which involves a LOT of revision and feedback and rejection—i've been trying to allow myself to "let go" a bit more when it comes to my fics. the soukoku oneshot was one of the very few fics i've ever posted unbeta'd very shortly after i finished writing it, and i feel like it taught me that i don't need to agonize over editing my work because people will still enjoy it. it's important to just have fun and write things that make me happy!

14. Any advice you’d like to share with new or aspiring writers?

write what you love! i know it's simple but i truly think it's one of the most important things about creating. it's easy to get caught up in worrying about how others will perceive your work, or that you're not as skilled as you want to be—but at the end of the day it's all about writing something that brings you joy, and others will find joy in your work too. :)

15. What are your creative goals for 2025?

i'm trying not to get too hung up on goals in 2025; i spent most of 2024 painstakingly rewriting my novel which took a lot out of me, so i feel like 2025 is the year i just want to be more spontaneous, write things for fun, and not feel tied down by any particular project.

that said, there are a few fics in particular i plan to keep working on—for example, bsd regency au, sylvix time loop fic, and sylvix pacific rim au. if i happen to finish any of those, that would be great! i'd also like to keep updating some of my multichapter fics... i calculated a few months ago that i have roughly 110k words of unpublished fic lol so i really just need to get more stuff posted and stop worrying too much about perfecting it.

anyway, i will tag: @absolutesilly @oikawapng @starglossie (if you want but no pressure ofc!!) and anyone else who wants to do this 💖

[rollercoasterwords]

Hey so I just finished reading James’ interlude (it was amazing by the way!) and the u portrayed his aromanticism was so fascinating, def one of my portrayals. I saw u answering an anon and u mentioned (correct me if I’m wrong) that his aromanticism kinda comes from him being the chosen one, and how stuff like gender and sexuality are socially constructed. This is such an interesting concept to me coz I hear that language getting thrown around a lot but I never really understood what it meant.

It kinda reminded me of a convo I had with my transmasc friend. He said that if he had been born a boy he probably would have been transfem. At first I was pretty surprised, but then I thought abt it and realised that despite being a lesbian, if I had been born a boy I probably would have been gay. This revelation really stumped me coz, for context, Income from a conservative religious background, so I’ve always latched onto the idea that being gay is smth innate, or how God made me. But after that revelation,, I was like,,, maybe I can be straight if I try hard enough?? Liking girls is not smth innate within me?? Idk.

Sorry for the rambling lol but reading ur works always gets me thinking deeper abt these kind of topics. Probs has smth to do with u studying gender studies lol.

Anyways love ur work and have a good day <33

yeah i mean. i def think it's a good idea 4 everyone 2 spend time pondering & developing their own understanding of gender; ik mine has changed significantly over the course of my life & likely will continue 2 change as i grow older & learn more, etc.

i think one thing people tend 2 get stuck on is this idea that either ur born w ur identity (whether that's gender, sexuality, etc) baked in & have 2 discover it throughout ur life (bound up in the post-Enlightenment idea of a disembodied 'soul' or 'mind') OR it's all socially constructed, so it's completely made up/shaped by outside forces and we're all just playing pretend, etc. but that's really not what i mean when i say that i think of gender (& sexuality, etc) as socially constructed.

the best metaphor i have rn 4 explaining my own worldview is the idea of an accent. obviously, there is a material component to someone's accent: the shape of their mouth, their teeth--their ears, their hearing, etc. all of these physical & material factors influence how someone's accent might develop. but none of those factors really matter until placed within a social context--depending on where & how ur raised, ur accent will vary wildly, and it won't necessarily remain static throughout the course of your life. you & your family might have different accents; you might use a different accent to speak another language; your physical body might change in some way that affects your accent and the way u speak (stroke, hearing loss, etc). but there's no single, "true" accent inside of you waiting 2 be discovered and spoken. it's a socially constructed part of ur identity that develops throughout ur life, and can only be understood & have meaning attributed to it in a social context. and once u develop an accent, it feels as natural & as much a part of u as something like hair color, etc--it's not something u can just snap ur fingers & change, despite the fact that u weren't "born that way."

obviously, this is a metaphor, and there r many ways gender identity differs from accents--but i find it useful 4 helping illustrate in a tangible way what i'm talking abt when i say something is a "social construction." w james in wfrau specifically, what i was trying 2 say in that ask was not, again, that being "the chosen one" made him aromantic; rather, what i'm hoping 2 convey is that his experience growing up as "the chosen one" has fundamentally shaped his own understanding of his inability to experience/confusion surrounding romantic love (this is also why i avoid concretely labeling him as aromantic in the tags on the fic; it's not necessarily how he understands himself). he attributes this part of his identity to his understanding of himself as a "hero," i.e. someone who is not meant 2 prioritize any one person above The Cause/The Quest, bc his inability to grasp this concept of romantic love & reciprocate it does not align w normative understandings of love & so makes him feel ashamed & isolated & as though there's something "wrong" with him, & attributing this "broken" aspect of himself 2 the fact that he's meant 2 be a "hero" helps him reconcile w this piece of his identity that he otherwise doesn't understand how 2 qualify. again, i'm less concerned w whether there's some inherent "aromanticism" baked into him or whether he'd feel the same/identify the same way in different circumstances; what i'm interested in is looking at how this specific character has been shaped by these specific circumstances. hope that makes sense lol also ty glad ur enjoying the fic!

[acilykos]

Hi. I see you're aroace and I'm too so I was wondering if I could ask you a question? Idk if this is something you do I found you through aroace senkuu post so absolutely feel free to ignore if you don't want to talk about it.

So basically I'm trying to figure out what exactly loveless means. BC a lot of people both arospec and not have told me that label might fit (as in I want 0 romance etc. But also no platonic equivalent). However. I am a very passionate person about my chosen career, music, art, my cat. Those are all things I feel so strongly about, I wouldn't know what to call it but "love". Similarly there are people I care about, just not in a way where I want romance with them or a platonic version of that kind of relationship.

(I've seen you call senkuu loveless too, and I'm a little confused BC he clearly does care deeply about some people and possibly even more so science. Why not call that love? Is it a terminology thing?)

I'm not trying to pick a fight, I really like your analysis of senkuu.

I'm genuinely trying to understand.

It's possible to reject the societal notion of what love is. I do so myself.

But there's no denying that the chemicals involved are something everyone experiences. Like. Everyone gets dopamine, vasopressin, oxytocin etc. It's just the context that's different. Much like oxytocin is experienced both in mother-infant bonding and in sexual contact, I get a dopamine rush listening to music but not making out with someone.

(granted romantic love hasn't been that well examined but there does seem to be a consensus on the general chemistry involved)

Same chemicals but different result/feeling, you know?

Not getting these chemicals at all is impossible I think, so that can't be what loveless means.

So what does it mean??? Is it just about society's perception of love??

I personally approached my lack of romantic attraction by Googling the brain chemistry BC clearly I wasn't getting anywhere with the emotional side. I'm not an expert. But the definitions of different aro orientations I see commonly, don't actually address this at all. It's like everyone decided on a different definition of "love" and nobody told me any of them.

Again, I know this sounds very passionate, but I always sound like that. I'm not trying to pick a fight, nor am I expecting you to solve my identity crisis. So really no need to reply if you don't want to. I can see how this would be. A lot to try and answer.

Hi, hi!!

First of all, I'm happy to meet a fellow AroAce!! I'm also calling myself loveless because it fits the most, I did research before and found it was the closest to describe myself.

Second of all, I think it depends on the definition of what loveless means for oneself because as always, sexuality at the end of the day is a fluid and personal thing.

Apologies if some of the thoughts seem jumbled or contradicting. I just woke up, was very happy about getting to ramble and I just don't know how to properly describe my "emotional thought processes" because I decided to illustrate my points with examples.

It's a long read too, I hope you don't mind.

Personally, I define it as a "lack of attraction" because oriented and angled AroAces experience other types of attraction (like platonic, aesthetic, etc.), but don't ask me to explain the difference between either, I really have no idea what it is (no offense to any angled or oriented AroAces). Personally, I find it ironic that the two most known "orientations" of AroAce people are still based on experiencing attraction despite AroAces being known for not experiencing it. So we had to create another word to say "Yeah, we actually don't experience any type of attraction”. It's also ironic to me that we call it "loveless" because it's not that we don't love, we just aren't attracted to people.

I'm an artist, I love art and drawing myself, as well as writing.

I'm also a scientist, I love chemistry, astronomy, pharmacology, psychology, really, I'm just always happy to talk about any subject. In fact, that's my current career, I'm a pharmaceutical technician.

I have favourite songs, favourite subjects, favourite seasons. Favourite shows, favourite characters, hell, I also have favourite ships.

I care about my family and friends too.

It's just that I'm not attracted to people. I don't want a romantic relationship because I don't experience romantic attraction. Same as I don't want a sexual one. I just don't see the need or appeal for another person if the goal is to just have a dinner date or a climax. Sure romance and sex can come hand in hand, but that depends on whether or not you experience either or if you're committed in a relationship. Anyways, I digress.

These two are the typical ones people talk about when it comes to attraction, but then there are the illusive platonic and aesthetic attractions, and many more I believe. One of them is explained later which causes AroAces in the first place to also use the labels oriented and angled.

Platonic attraction, or at least as I come to understand it, is seeing a person and just wanting to be their friend. You see someone and you think "wow, I really want to be their friend!!" also apparently called having a "squish".

I don't do that. I don't really feel something compelling me to talk to this person to become their friend.

Same as I don't feel attraction towards aesthetically pleasing people (which is also a highly individual definition). Or well, for a lack of a better term, the only "Wow, I really like how they look" I experience is in terms of gender envy. I don't want to be with them, I don't want to be them either. I just think "I'd like to express my gender like that". If that makes any sense.

I see people talk about "they're hot" and "they're so cute looking" and how they have this attraction towards them because of the way they look, but I just don't? I may appreciate the beauty by acknowledging that someone has nice features or a cool style, but it's the same as me looking at the weather and going "Ah, the sun is shining, isn't that nice." before continuing to do whatever I did, not spending more time on thinking about the weather.

For a real life example: My sister and I are going to a driving school. She has an aesthetic (and I call it on purpose an aesthetic attraction. She has not spoken once with the guy and she also said it's not exactly a crush) on one of the other people there, which to me makes no sense given his general character he revealed at least at the driving school. She even took his pen he forgot at school (just some company gifted pen from when we got a visit that day) in hopes of giving it back to him and struck up a conversation (She failed to. She was too embarrassed, in case you're curious).

I only acknowledge he has a nice jawline. That's it.

I don't feel any type of attraction towards people. I don't want or need to be their romantic partner. I don't want or need a sexual relationship. Just because someone has a personality that clicks with mine, I don't automatically feel the need to become their friend. If we become friends, great. If we don't it is what it is.

Obviously when I'm friends with someone, I care about them, but it's just... not the way friendships are usually portrayed. I don't feel the need to have many friends, or meet up with them constantly or go on trips or anything of the like. I like them a lot, I want them to be well. I just... don't really feel an attraction? I don't know how to properly explain it.

An attraction for me is either the need to be constantly with them, one way or another, because you physically and/or mentally/psychologically feel the need to be in their presence, whenever an opportunity arises OR that you spent a lot of time just thinking about them (daydreaming, fantasies, you get it). I just don't feel like that. I'm fine with not talking or seeing friends for multiple months or years. I'm also fine if we don't talk constantly too. If the friendship ended because we couldn't maintain it, it wouldn't destroy me.

It actually happened multiple times, I'm fine with it. Do I miss them or feel nostalgic when I think about past experiences with them? Of course, I care about them as people.

But I'd feel the same about it even if we had stayed friends, because I obviously feel nostalgic with things I did with my current friends.

I just really don't have the ""need"" to have friends in my life. I'm not "attracted" towards them, I care about them and I like them, but it's just not the type of attraction or even love that society usually attributes to what (best) friends are supposed to be or behave like.

(Same for my family. I haven't seen some of them in years, I don't need to. I like them, I care about their wellbeing.)

You may be wondering, if that's my attitude towards friendships, how do I even have friendships.

They talked to me one day and we happened to keep talking because we liked what each other had to say. It's been years later, so it's safe to say that we still like each other, but not once have I ever initiated a friendship, funnily enough. All I did was just... reply or talk once and we kept talking and meeting up, and eventually we became friends, and because they know a lot about me and I about them, I care about them.

And this is what I think Senkū is like too.

He cares about his friends deeply and he obviously cares about his family too. But he doesn't feel any attraction to people. He never once had an "I need to be their friend" moment. He accidentally sort of becomes friends with them because of the situation they're in and then develops a friendship with them because they've been through a lot of things for multiple years.

How did he meet Taiju? Because Taiju saved his machinery. Senkū didn't have any friends prior to that. But then they talked and spent their childhood together and became friends.

Taiju introduced him to Yuzuriha, they talked, she helped with his experiments as well, and they too became friends.

Senkū not once initiated a friendship.

He may have approached some of them first, but not because he wanted to be their friend/felt platonic attraction, he just needed them for a plan, then he used them for his plans, but they stuck around and they talked and time passed.

If it comes to his plans or science, he talks first. If it comes to any "emotional" conversational topic, someone else initiates it.

Senkū just doesn't feel the need to have emotional connections, but that doesn't mean that he doesn't care about his friends or won't develop friendships, if that makes sense. He doesn't seek them, but if friendships happen to develop, he accepts it. He doesn't portray it outwardly, but deep within his heart he still cares.

Everyone in his life started out as an ally, it eventually became friendship. Senkū didn't recruit people because he wanted friends, he recruited them because he had a need for allies to wage war against Tsukasa, then Ibara, then Whyman.

You can even apply it to Senkū's relationship with Xeno, who is according to the fanbook one of Senkū's "closest relationships" (the other one being Byakuya). Senkū respects Xeno as a scientist and as the only NASA employee who actually helped him build a rocket, but even then it's because Xeno talked first and their relationship was strictly mentor and mentee, it was hardly a friendship in what society defines it as anyway. I guess the closest equivalent would be Marty McFly and Doc Brown from Back to the Future (I know, Marty isn't Doc's mentee, but it's about the assisting in science projects part), if it comes to media, but even then Senkū's and Xeno's mentorship would not fit the definition of friendship the way Marty's and Doc's does.

I also call Senkū loveless, because he would never enter a queer platonic relationship (qpr). Entering one would mean you experience a type of connection that is more than friendship, but not romantic or sexual. Or at least that's how I came to understand it. Personally, I'm still confused on what they're actually like aside from them developing from a "tertiary form of attraction". This is where angled and oriented AroAces come in, and why some people call themselves "AroAce lesbians" for example. They experience a different type of attraction towards women that's not just friendship, but it's also not romantic or sexual (at least that's how I understand it, any tertiary attraction feeling AroAces correct or explain it to me, because it's been confusing me for years).

Now look at Senkū and tell me that he'd ever enter such a relationship, when he barely feels the need to make friends on his own. He says it himself "love causes only problems" because of the emotions involved in it. He also, as we established, doesn't feel the need to make friends. If that's already too much and Senkū doesn't have the need for friends, and a QPR is similar, except it lacks the romantic and sexual part and is supposedly "more than a mere friendship", then Senkū definitely wouldn't have that.

I think it's important to mention that, but I think at this point it is obvious, I don't define attraction and caring as the same things.

Why would I? It isn't the same thing, otherwise we wouldn't have different words for it.

Attraction means I myself feel the need to be close to whatever attracts me, maybe that I can't stop thinking about it because I need it in my life, but it can also be superficial.

Care is that it doesn't cross my mind every day, but maybe I happen to think about it once because it crossed my mind, or if I'm with friends or family who tell me about something that happened to them, I care about their wellbeing.

You may also have noticed that I barely even used the word "love" despite talking about being "loveless". As I mentioned in the beginning, I really don't think it's the right term. We love. We care. But it's just not the love people think of first (aka romantic). I love my hobbies, I love my friends and family, I love my favourite characters. But none of this is what society tells me that love is supposed to be or feel like. But it's the most direct way of saying "I don't experience any type of attraction", as misleading as it is, sadly.

And that's it, basically.

Again, it's just my own definition and experience, so how true it is for the majority of AroAces or how much you agree with me, is totally up to you and anyone else. Emotional matters are confusing, and a lot of the time don't make sense and are hard to put into words, but I gave it my best shot with all I know right now. If you're curious or think that loveless may not be the right term after all, you're welcome to do more research on the terms angled and oriented, I bet there are a lot of AroAces who identify with those labels ready to help you out, and who know much more about it than me.

I hope I was able to help you in any way to find some clarity! Thanks again for stopping by, feel free to do that again any time!!

[futurequibblerjournalist]

Lol dingus is such a good word!!!! I'll be mega short w this bc I have a lot of other curiosities for you but

1 why do you think Igor went from laughing off Sev's 'ooh shut up meathead" stuff to being intimidated? Or whatever you think it was in Gob,,, and um

2 I saw you post Miss Macdonald and I was wondering if you had any rambles abt her :3

Anyway ur my fav lol UMMM bye bye :)

-🍃

Dingus is!!! MWAH!!! Also ahhhhh your fav [insert Debbie Ryan hair tucking emoji]

I think the change was that Severus finally had that upper hand on Igor that he'd wanted(??) but never quite managed because Igor would just laugh it off. Not even in a malicious way just in a sort of "you're so silly" sort of way. Their dynamic changed. Severus went from being a person he trusted to a person he still trusted but also to one he'd deliberately betrayed to save his own skin! That does something to a weirdly sexual pseudo friendship lmao. I'm not sure if I'm explaining this in exactly the right way but they're just jvnfjbngjb they're so complicated for a bunch of losers honestly

MISSS MARY MACDONALD!!!! The way I literally clapped my hands together and kicked my feet!! Yes I have rambles about her oh my gooood

I don't think about her as much as I should but urgh,, the woman that she is alright??

Mary was born Mary Aileen Macdonald in December 1959 in Scotland to muggle parents. She's the older sister of Michael Macdonald who was born four years after she was. She got her first name from her nan on her mum's side and her middle name from her nan on her dad's side. Growing up her dad was a greengrocer and she wanted to be one just like him. I feel like they could have had an English Cocker Spaniel when Mary was growing up though that might just be based off of the fact that I think that's an animal that represents her well

She was born with vitiligo and is mixed (Caribbean descent on her mother's side and Scottish on her dad's.) She's undoubtedly the prettiest girl in all of Gryffindor and she's known to be a bit boy crazy. I know some people hate this headcanon for her because female characters shouldn't revolve around male characters and I completely agree which is why that's not all she is!!! My girl Mary just falls in love easily and she always throws herself into her relationships. She's definitely got a bit of an insecurity about being loved for her body rather than her mind.

She is cherry!!! She owns that cherry red colour, she looks gorgeous in it and idk there's just something so cherry about her. She definitely wears cherry chapstick!! Those really cheap ones that smell lowkey super fake lol. Idk if cherry shampoo is a thing but if it is she's totally got it. I think Mary is a midsize queen and she rocks a fairly soft aesthetic that ends up looking a bit edgy because of all the red. She is the number one stealer of boyfriend hoodies/jumpers/jackets etc

During her time at Hogwarts she was sorted into Gryffindor and shared a dorm room with Marlene and Lily. I think she was a pretty average student. She wanted to be better but also she didn't want to devote more time than necessary to boring stuff like school lol. I do think she did really well in divination tho. She dotted all her i's with hearts and she made both M's in Mary and Macdonald into hearts (I made a little doodle to illustrate lol this is from the yearbook thing and I need to correct the D)

I think she's got a complex relationship with her sexuality. I'm kinda liking the idea of asexual Mary ngl. She's over sexualised by her peers and yet she didn't want one bit of it. She falls in love easily but why does everyone think that means she sleeps around?? She's extremely sex-positive and like,, wants sex for girls to be liberated and stigma-free and all that despite her asexuality and I think part of that comes from how people assume things about her and have no problem slutshaming her but they'd never do it to a guy like Sirius who actually slept around a tonne!! At some point, I'll do a fic or something deep-diving into Mary and her relationship with wanting love without it being connected to sex. Might be my first full-on MaryLily fic, who knows, I think they're cute sometimes

Speaking of Mary and girls I think she's so different with crushes on girls than on boys. With boys she's super out there, flirting, touching, batting her lashes etc but with girls she's much more shy and it's much more confusing for her but she's so sweet about it jnvjfnbjg

Just like how she loves loudly she laughs loudly. Her nose scrunches when she laughs. She makes sure all her friends get gifts from her at Christmas, even if it's just a small keychain or something from her dad's shop.

She spends ages getting ready in the morning and she spends ages in the bathroom in general making sure she smells nice, looks nice, the whole shebang. She loves to paint nails and she will offer to pierce your ears with nothing but an ice cube, a needle and a dream lmaooo

I think she was big into photography and she would run around with her muggle camera (that she put stickers and little sticky gems and stuff all over) taking pictures of everyone. Her patronus is a lamb because Mary had a little lamb!!!!

I don't think her dream of becoming a greengrocer stuck around tbh lol. I think she wanted to do something that could help other people and my Mary-as-a-healer dreams are out there but also my girl does not have the grades and she spent SO LONG sobbing in the girl's dorms when she found out she wouldn't be able to become a healer because of her lacking grades. I'm not sure what she ends up doing instead but I'd be so curious if anyone out there has any ideas!!

There's also the fact that Bruce Mulciber Jr and Edmund Avery Jr canonically assaulted her at some point during her time at school (at a time Severus and Lily were still talking so I'm thinking this went down in their fifth year) so there's also just,, that whole can of worms to look into. Igor Karkarov mentions that Mulciber (thought this could both be Junior and Senior) specialised in the Imperius curse though I doubt he'd have gotten away with assaulting anyone with the Imperius curse without being expelled; it just kinda tells you something about the stuff he's capable of/willing to do. I also believe it's actively Mulciber who attacks her and Edmund is more of a bystander?? I'm not entirely sure but that's how I understood it. I wouldn't be surprised if Edmund was the brain behind the whole thing though and cursed her to hang and dangle somewhere embarrassing by having her touch insert object someone would be likely to pick up off the floor or something like that

anyways that was my long ass starter ramble on the lovely Miss Macdonald now have a moodboard jngjbngjb

[beebundt]

fwiw that rude commenter is a transphobe, a post a few down on their blog is real blatant (and in that vein I think their comment was less a judgement of your anatomy and more saying Charlie is 'too' muscular/angular)

It's rude and out of pocket REGARDLESS but I also think you're a little hard on yourself! You even said, you hadn't illustrated exactly what you were after with her, and you hadn't intended for a collection of doodles you happened to still like to blow up. You're entirely right that we should all be drawing more than conventionally attractive people, but idk. It's a process and you're a great artist who's working toward it! Don't feel like you have to answer this btw I mostly wanted to let you know that commenter was a double idiot and started rambling. Hope you have a lovely day!!

oh absolutely! i have a feeling you're right abt what they meant considering i saw the transphobic comment they made a couple posts down on their blog lmao but i wanted to add that part anyway. and i appreciate your words a ton, but dw im not hurt or upset! i get a lot of weird comments all the time, i just wanted to use that one as a platform to bounce off of a thought ive been having lately. i wouldn't post a negative remark like that unless i wanted to use it for something. the actual comment was mostly irrelevant to the point i wanted to make, which is also not meant to be super serious, just a thought soup to stir around

and i mean my interpretation of my art as purely objective, i think its important to think critically about yourself and in general. from an objective standpoint, i dont believe the way shes drawn is too out of the norm and is fairly tame (disregarding her ox/bull parts lol), thats basically what i was aiming for with that section. i constantly get stuck in a rut without improving by much because im usually just drawing to doodle after a school day and not rlly with any purpose. i tend to keep drawing the same things out of habit and it gets stale really quickly. so i know my faults and im rlly looking forward to getting better!

also rq, what you said about how we need to draw more than conventionally attractive people- while i do agree with that, in my post i was more saying its important for people to be more open-minded about how they view gender expression and attractiveness in general, myself included! i dont think how i drew charlie was very revolutionary, but ive seen so many tags speaking otherwise. which is either reflective of how small the bubble is for whats acceptable or maybe i have a skewed perception of things? for example if having a bush or something is gender envy we need to look at ourselves. bush is so normal to me. (which i dont if thats what even drew ppl to it BUT. just as an example). would those same people say the same if i drew a very fat woman with a beard, unibrow, etc.? i have no idea. but i have had my eyes opened so many times before its incredible. little things ive never thought about before through new perspective. so thats why i want to encourage it too. i hope that makes sense. thank you so much i hope you have an equally lovely day!! 🫶🫶