#..... grandmother has cancer and it's difficult to deal with-

[skippyv20]

Our Prayer List🙏🏻❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend and her family. Her son is in need of a specialist, and they want it to be the right one.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend’s daughter who is buying a home. We pray for her to find a home that makes her and her 4 children feel safe and comfortable.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend who has been going through a lot in the last seven months. Also, prayers for her mother who is recovering from surgery. Prayers for a family member to get mother coaching job.

Prayers and good thoughts for my daughter’s step-mother. She has been told that she has precancerous cells, and is opting for double mastectomy. Surgery in a couple of weeks.

Prayers and good thoughts for sandie and her husband. He is going for X-rays tomorrow morning for “suspected” cancer. They have been through so much for the last while. Praying for them to feel God’s presence, and for good test results, and that her husband is cancer free.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend’s friend. She had cancer and was back in the hospital again since Thursday. Waiting on results after surgery.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend’s friend, Lynne. She is going to the hospital for radioactive iodine treatment following the removal of her thyroid for cancer.

Prayers and good thoughts for Liz Roboyna’s family and deepest sympathies. Liz has passed at 16 yrs old.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend whose husband of 25 years is terminally ill.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend who has had foot surgery and is in my pain. Also has faced trials of emotional, financial stress. Also her husband is not well and having problems with his kidneys.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend. She is having cardiac issues and will be having many tests. Also her blood pressure is very high. Her mother had many heart issues and this has frightened our friend. She is very anxious and scared.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend. She is going through a difficult time. She has had a rough 12 months and is feeling burnt out. She also is dealing with a narcissistic father, and taking care of her elderly mother with no support from family members.

Prayers and good thoughts for Kylee who is missing. It has been months since her mother and grandmother have heard from her. Today is Kylee’s 18th Birthday. We pray Kylee is safe. We pray for her mother and grandmother as they are so worried. (This will remain until we hear Kylee is home safe and sound)

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend’s 22 year old nephew who is struggling with anxiety, depression & panic attacks.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend who is suffering from ringing in her ear. It is constant and she can’t sleep. Neither her doctor or dentist can find the cause.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend’s brother who is finally home and who has palatine care now. He is increasingly frail now but is comfortable. We pray also to give his partner strength at this exhausting and frightening time.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend who is having suicidal thoughts, and having difficulty finding employment. Praying she finds employment soon.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend’s son and husband. Her son has spinal fractures and they don’t know why. Her husband is having issues with his back as well.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend whose husband had a mental breakdown and they are now facing financial hardship. He is bidding on numerous jobs and needs prayers.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend’s oldest daughter. Her daughter is on dialysis now. She did test positive for drugs, and her boyfriend is a known drug dealer. This is of great concern. Mar 27

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend’s treasured son-in-law. He has been diagnosed with esophageal cancer with mets to the liver and lymph nodes throughout his abdomen. He has a very poor prognosis - less than a year, probably just a few months. He is only 48 years old. Our friend is heartbroken, her son-in-law has been in the family for 17 yrs, and he is so very loved. He is scheduled for a PET scan next week.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend’s nephew who is struggling.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend’s nephew who has been diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis.

We pray for our friend who for 36 years has suffered from a progressive, painful, debilitating neurological illness that has her housebound, and she is tired.  

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not attending church for xmas with my girlfriend?

Background: My girlfriend (F24) and I (M24) currently live with my parents while we look for jobs. We live across the country from her family, and this is the first Christmas she is spending without them, and the second since her mother died of cancer. She chose to move where I am rather than me over to her area because she wanted to get away from where she grew up and because she fell in love with the area my family lives in. She doesn’t really know anyone here yet except me and my family. Christmas mass is important to her Christmas traditions, but she doesn’t attend services regularly. She’s also catholic and my family is generally episcopal.

I may be the asshole: She doesn’t know anyone at that church, and it’s a tradition for her that she usually shared with her family that she can’t now. It may be socially uncomfortable for her or emotionally heavy.

I may not be the asshole:

She said that I was welcome to join but she didn’t expect me to. I haven’t been to church since I was very young, and I’m not familiar with the songs/rituals.

It’s also only an hour long, which isn’t so long to be apart from one another.

I am uncomfortable with organized religion and christianity in general, and it feels disrespectful to attend worship when I do not believe in a Christian god.

It’s also my grandmother’s church and although it’s LGBT+ accepting, I’m fairly certain my grandmother calls me by my previous name and misgenders me regularly there. This became an issue three years ago when my grandfather was in hospice and I saw the pastor when I went to visit him, who was confused as my grandmother introduced me as her granddaughter and referred to me as such all while I was there. My grampa is now gone, but it was difficult for me to deal with while I was stressed and grieving.

My sister says I’m TA and making a mistake by being unsupportive. My mother, who doesn’t attend church because she doesn’t like organized religion but still has a personal relationship with it, chose to go with my girlfriend so she wouldn’t be alone.

What are these acronyms?

[dollygirl808]

So, I haven't interacted or posted basically all month.. yeah. Sorry I've been completely MIA. TL:DR, my grandmother has been in the icu for the past month, but I'm ready to try and write again. More explanation under the cut.

Originally I thought she was mostly OK, just having some trouble with her breathing bc 1 month before this, 2 months ago now she had pneumonia and I thought she was okay, and the other person I live didn't tell me that she was in critical state, but then a week later I found out that her lung collapsed, and she went into lung and heart failure and had to be rushed to a hospital out of town (we live in a small town. It's only like 25 mins away.) Shes mostly ok, but she had to get a tracheotomy bc she needs a ventilator for a long period of time. I won't get into too many specifics, but she had rsv (respiratory virus) that was very serious and she's basically been in a medically inuced coma for the past month, although in the last week is they've been working in letting her get more conscious. I've been feeling very complicated about the whole thing and I haven't been able to write anything until recently (last couple of days)

Just 3 months ago, I delt with my first death to someone close to me due to cancer. No one I care about/know very well has died before, so the fear of loosing my grandmother too has been difficult to deal with. To give you an idea, my grandma isn't someone who I visit a couple times a year or something, I live with her and she was my primary character/legal guardian for my entire life.

Our relationship isn't perfect and while I have my fair share of trauma I still care about her greatly, and the idea that I wouldn't get to resolve and talk about our issues and work them out in therapy, to never get that clarity on my childhood, has been terrifying for me.

Thankfully she's been doing a lot better and is no longer considered in a critical state, and they're talking about moving her somewhere else where their job is to deal with people as sick as she is. Like physical therapy and the whole nine yards cuz she's been bedridden for the past month.

So, that's everything that's been going on with me. It's been rough, but things are looking mostly ok for now.

I've really only been writing again for the past couple of days, maybe a tiny bit of editing or jotting down ideas here and there throughout the month, but I basically haven't worked on or touched anything that I'm currently posting. It'll take some time to get back into the flow of things, but I think I'm ready to start now.

[mizakikimoto]

I post this picture all the time: me dressed up as a scientist.

Science is the other half of my religion. It's not a subject, or a career, or something political. It's an element of reality, that explains the laws of the physical realm.

Just like Jehovah and Jesus have influenced my worldview so do these truths.

I don't like titles, tribes. I hate the idea of being reduced to one thing. But...I think Christian Humanism says a lot about me. About one part of me.

I hate the idea of pollution, but I've waited years to have a day where I can safely burn this résumé. Maybe just tear it up. That's probably a better idea.

There's a lot to me; theoretically, ideally. The part of me that spends hours a day reading random articles about “stuff” is just as equal to the part of me that wants to play video games for hours. It’s the same part honestly.

I used to have a life. Among other things I used to do science experiments in my great-grandmother's condo in Matteson (IL).

I have a mind that isn't like most, too. I have more horsepower, if you want to put it that way.

But for the past 23 years society has refused to acknowledge me. 

When I lost access to the burbs, all I had were the stereotypes based on certain “demographic attachments”. People needed me to be some “helpless urban youth”. People always wanted to put me in “programs” to try to solve problems that clearly didn't exist.

The problem was that I was being abused. But ALL South Side kids are bad, according to stereotypes, so I was clearly lying. The problem was that I was in a school that was like daycare to me. But ALL South Side kids are bad, according to stereotypes, so I was being difficult. The problem is I WAS dealing with racism, but…how can a *Black” kid who doesn't look “Black” deal with that?

For years I’ve told people in plain English, with different phrasing: “I need to get back to my life”. But there’re these lenses people refuse to stop seeing me through.

I am homeless. Being pushed towards public housing. Being given information on hotels hiring. What the hell does that have to do with me? Or those dumb “youth programs”. Or all the “sit downs” people have tried to have with me?

I’m constantly being painted as mentally ill. No. No. I’m super smart. But that goes against people’s prejudices, assumptions. So…my words are a lie to these people.

But let me tell you motherfuckers something:

I think it's possible that cancer is the body's faulty attempt at rapid evolution. Like the body trying to grow an organ or appendix to deal with things it wasn't made to deal with.

I got the idea when I was maybe 16. I was standing at a bus stop across from the Bank of America Theater, I think. It was cold, during the winter, in the evening. I was shivering, and thinking about how shivering served a purpose: to warm the body.

I don’t know why: but I thought about something I read or watched on cancer. It reminded me of something I read or watched on how organs develop in the womb.

And so...most adaptations/changes in the body are due to generations of exposure, blah blah blah.

But then everything changed super fast: in lifestyle, diet, environment. The body wasn't used to that, and the changes were so radical. So...it had to adapt, quick. But it's not used to doing what might take thousands of years...in one lifetime. So its quick attempt at doing it...just doesn't work. It hasn't figured it out, and it hurts us instead.

So, if this is true, to stop cancer from killing us: do we guide this evolution to the intended result, do we stop it, or are both options?

…

But people are relentless in their view of me.

I will fucking be acknowledged again. Fuck your own ignorance, prejudice, and all that shit. 

Fuck that résumé, and these job applications.

I have 23 years of shit to catch up on. And that’s what’s gonna fuckin’ happen.

I will be acknowledged.

-Chris

[poisoniveeee]

A sketch for the night.

There’s been a lot going on in my life in the past week, and I’ve been struggling with a lot of grief. I received news this week that my father could very likely have cancer— the same cancer that killed my grandmother. I’ve been really struggling with that news and struggling with the uncertainty that’s coming with that. They haven’t made an official diagnosis yet and my dad has a very high likelihood of beating this if it is cancer, but it still faced me with the reality that I will someday have to bury my parents.

I’m not a religious person. I don’t call myself Christian even though I was raised as such. I am a strong believer in worshipping myself as my own god (not in a self centered egotistical way of course), and certain events throughout my life have made it very difficult to continue worshipping God. But, with hearing this awful news and having to deal with the effects of it, it feels almost like God is up there cackling right now, like this is all just one big joke to him.

I don’t like getting deep on here. It’s something I try to avoid doing. I intend to make this account more professional than it is personal, but I also wanted to provide some context behind this post and this sketch. I intend to turn this into a painting. The lyrics are from Pierce The Veil’s song “Match Into Water.”

[thesmellofanangel]

reality has just been about loving and losing and heartbreak and loneliness and grief. losing people is inevitable but still it’s crippling. i make things with my hands and create my own magic because outside of love and connection and experience it’s the most important thing to me. struggling finding happiness when I lose everyone (friends/family/lovers) that I’ve ever loved and experiences have been nothing but painful and i cannot find connection because I am always on the verge of tears and people just tell me to look on the bright side and I try but it’s hard when I am watching my mother go through cancer and my grandmother grieving losing the love of her life of seventy years and she’s forgetting who we are and my father so disconnected from us and depressed and the girl who I loved with all my heart just disappeared in front of my eyes. I am having a hard time finding joy when the last five years have been unimaginably difficult and it’s just going to keep getting worse. I am grieving so many things and deeply feeling as though nothing matters. my heart is beyond broken and I feel so sooo alone. I want to want to live my life again but I’m only living to prevent causing further pain to my family but selfishly I want to go. everything hurts too much and I don’t know how to deal with the amount of pain in my heart

[minthe-lover]

Chapter 221 Anaylsis

I'd admit that most of my problems with this chapter are art related, so I'm gonna just skip over like 80% of my critics of that so It doesn't get repetitive. It's mainly just creepy hades faces, and awkward proportions that make him look like a lego figure in stop motion. Like look at this guy... he looks so awkward and... god his ass is really tiny.

Now the big art thing that I am going to talk about is how the simplified one colour and one note backgrounds has caused rs to basically shoot herself in the foot. Cause in the first few chapters the backgrounds where detailed enough that we could really visuals all the important areas. Artemis's house, Hades house and the underworld corp while we aren't given like maps of them but we have a good idea of the layout and space...

with persephone new apartment.. we don't get that. It's all this dark blue, we get one shot of the outside and then a few undetailed shots of the inside. How many rooms does this have, is it big or small? hades says it looks rundown... but why aren't we shown that? They leave the apartment to eat on the roof almost immediately, is that cause persephone doesn't have a dining space in her apartment.. it just reallys annoy me.

Then the next shot in what I thought was the apartment... was actually hades, I think this chapter would really really benefit from a few shot focusing on persephones apartment. If needed remove the whole 'joke' of the billboard and instead show up persephone apartment and have them eat inside to better show Persephones kitchen. Side note with how last chapter went... how is she gonna treat her neighbors...

Now I've said this before that I'll say it again I do like persephone getting her own apartment. It's a good idea not to have hades and persephone immediately be a married couple.. but I really wish rs did more with this. Persephone has missed out on far more then just owning her own apartment.. she only did at most a month of collage it would really help to show more that persephone is trying to be independent.

Now I just want to draw attention to this line.. and just the massive amount of disrespect it levels at hecate, while yes she was not technically queen.. but like come on hades. She's been helping you since you stared at king, she did most of the research and work in the last few chapters. She may not have shared the title but it's clear she was doing a fuck ton of work.

Lets talk about the most annoying line in this whole chapter! Just to make one thing clear persephone you where not coddled, you where a CHILD. Demeter was making sure you had an education and a safe place to grow up first before making you work! that is a completely understandable thing.. and the moment you were over 18 demeter let you go... she was worried for your safety in a world that has repeatedly abuse her and you've proven yourself in the past that you put your trust in the wrong individualizes.

You then had one conversation in ten years where demter outwardly praised out about how great you were doing… You didn't even talk about what you could do in the mortal realm. Before then you didn't have any experience and again were a collage student .. not exactly someone fit to step up to a important job like that… Like from the few flashback to the punishment.. it's clear you were struggling.

Also this line and how much it annoys me in relationship to demeter, because it's constantly brought up terrible demeter is for hiding stuff like the fertility goddess power from persephone as how she is bad and irredeemable... and when I was first read it I thought that is what it was referring to. I read it as people hid stuff from persephone to protect her... but persephone admiting that she understands it's a struggle, and that hades isn't a bad guy for hiding shit from her but you know her own mother doing stuff to protect her is a terrible person.

Now I want to get these analysis out before the next chapter does... so yeah this isn't as detailed or longer but.. eh.

[racinggirl]

You've got a friend in me || Formula One

type: one shot pairing: formula one drivers x friendly relationship word count: 3k summary: after losing a loved one, you realize who your true friends are requested: yes! 'Hello, could I request a fic about a reader working in F1? She just lost her grandmother due to cancer and the drivers notice it and comfort her. I just lost my gm and can’t really believe it. I know this prompt is kind of delicate so I understand if you don’t feel too comfortable about writing it.’ Requests are OPEN! warnings: mentions of death, mentions of hospitals, mentions of c*ncer, loss of loved ones, sadness, semi-happy ending notes: Hi, first of all, I wanted to say I know what it's like to lose someone you love, so dearly (my father), and lose them to that horrible disease as well. I hope I captured what was needed, it was hard for me, yes, but I also think it's one of the most beautiful things I've written, simply because it feels so close to me. I hope you'll like it, and please let me know what you think <3. Also, if any of you ever struggle with something, just let me know. I am here for every one, no matter what 🫶🏽

My masterlist

Losing a loved one is something you wish upon nobody, it’s hard and unfair. Life is hard and unfair. No longer hearing their voice, their laugh, the one that made a smile appear on your face in no time. No longer embracing them in a hug, feeling their warmth, their kisses on your forehead or cheek, no longer their love in a physical form. No longer a ‘goodnight’, but instead one last ‘goodbye’.

Losing someone you love, whether it is a father, a mother, a friend, a niece, a lover or a grandparent, is one of the most difficult and challenging things to deal with, especially at a young age. It’s never easy, never. Never hearing their silly comments that made you either laugh or roll your eyes, never greeting them anymore, never holding their hand, counting their fingers like you used to do when you were little, trying to count to ten.

Dealing with loss of someone so dear and close to you was something you wished to never experience, and never had to experience either. Not until you received the news from your parents.

‘’We need you to come over, grandma isn’t doing too good.’’

You had never ignored this many traffic lights, speed limits or fellow car drivers on your way to the hospital. You knew something bad was going to happen, it was something your parents talked to you about a lot this week, the feeling of them knowing more than you did growing every time they started the conversation.

‘grandma isn’t doing great; you should visit her some time soon; grandma has lived an amazing life; she’s doing worse every day.’

The moment you arrived at the hospital, after throttling like the people you worked for did on a race weekend, you knew it was bad, since it wasn’t only you, but also your siblings and your aunts children had gathered at the hospital. All your grandmothers grandchildren, as well as her own children, it being one of the first times your entire family was together, had a hard time keeping a straight face, since they all knew what was going on. Your grandmother was dying.

Cancer, a horrible disease. A fucking horrible disease. One that took away too many people from their loving families. People that didn’t deserve to die. Of course, nobody deserves to die, but when you see a happy, satisfied woman, surrounded by her grandchildren, a smile on her face whenever she, at Christmas, spent time with each child, opening their presents, no matter the age of her grandkids, you’d give everything for her to do that more years. But sadly, life wasn’t on her side, because the cancer that invaded her body, her mind, her soul, took those wonderful Christmas eve’s away from not only her, but the entire family.

It had been a few weeks now since your grandmother passed away, and not wanting the grief to take over your life, you decided going back to work was the best thing to do. Being surrounded by the cars, the people you loved, your second family away from home, felt somewhat comforting. But not completely, not entirely.

All week you weren’t focussed, your breaks you’d spend looking at the pictures you had of your beloved grandma, or calling your parents, because the death of your grandma made you realize how important family is. You tried to turn your emotions down, especially when you were talking to one of the drivers, not wanting to bother them with your pretty messed up life right now.

You were currently in your third year in Formula One, behind the scenes, creating content for Formula One’s Instagram, TikTok and YouTube account. Grill the Grid? One of your works, along with many others of course. You were getting ready in the room the drivers would film their parts, setting up the camera’s, looking over the planners and making sure everybody was at their position in the other room.

First team, Alfa Romeo, alphabetical order. ‘’Valtteri?’’ You called the Finn, giving him a weak smile the moment he got up from his seat and walked towards you. You guided him to the other room, staying silent on the way there, and he noticed, but didn’t dare to say anything about it.

A few teams in, you had gotten the classic ‘are you okay’-question multiple times, Pierre, Yuki, Fernando, Seb and Charles, as well as Carlos, Mick, Kevin and Daniel. You told them you were fine, since it was a lot easier to hold back your tears by ignoring the painful moments, than actually telling them what happened.

Next up, after Daniel, it was Lando’s turn. You continued your procedure, walking to the room, looking at your papers before scanning the rest of the room. ‘’Lando.’’ You turned around, making your way to the other room, knowing Lando’d follow you anyways, he always did.

‘’y/n, are you oka-‘’ ‘’Yes, Lando, I’m fine, can’t be better.’’ You muttered, getting annoyed at the amount of drivers asking you the questions. Lando decided to stay silent, nodding in response, but a frown on his forehead as he walked into the room, not taking his eyes off of you for a good few seconds.

‘’George.’’

‘’Lewis.’’

‘’Alex.’’

Everybody had finished recording, meaning it was time for your well deserved break. You reached for your phone, swallowing thickly at the picture that was now your background. Your grandma, a smile on her face, an arm around you as you did the same to her, both looking at each other, laughing, enjoying the moment together.

‘’Hey.’’ You heard a voice coming from behind, making you turn around, a deep shaky breath stopping the tears from rolling down your eyes.

‘’Max, hey.’’ You smiled weakly at the Dutchman, who had a concerned look on his face. ‘’I did great at the challenge, don’t you think?’’ You laughed weakly, he wasn’t bad, but he wasn’t particularly good either. ‘’Right, almost an A+.’’ You replied, receiving a low chuckle back from the World Champion.

‘’Hey, listen, I talked to Lando, he said-‘’ You sighed heavily, a soft groan escaping your lips as you started walking again, not wanting to show your emotions, not wanting to be weak.

‘’I’m just on my period, okay? I’d appreciate it if you’d leave me alone, thank you.’’ And with that, you made your way to the F1 hospitality, the one the content creators and other photographers and press would be enjoying their lunch at.

The rest of the day went alright, you did not see any more drivers, some of your co-workers also deciding to leave you alone for the rest of the afternoon and evening, because you made it pretty clear you did not want any company right now.

‘’y/n, wait.’’ You closed your eyes, stopping your steps as you took a deep breath. ‘’Finally, y/n, I’ve been looking for you all day.’’

‘’Lando, seriously, just lea-‘’ You stayed silent as you saw not only Lando, but also Carlos standing next to him. ‘’Oh, hi.’’ You mumbled, looking at the Spanish guy in front of you.

‘’Que pasa muppet?’’ You simply shook your head at Carlos’ question, feeling bad for being rude to them, but you just didn’t want to break down in front of many press or photographers. ‘’Nothing, just, on my period.’’

You were quite close to most of the drivers, being in your early twenties, you were close to their age, shared the same interests and had a lot of fun with them outside working hours here on track. You always made sure to hang out once during the race week, whether it was here at track during your breaks, or back in the Hilton Hotel.

That’s exactly where you were right now, sitting in your room, on your balcony. You were reading a book, one your grandmother once bought you for Christmas some years back, one you’ve probably read more than 10 times already, one of which you almost knew every word before you even started the chapter.

‘’Hey! Y/n! Come join us!’’ You heard a voice coming from downstairs, underneath your balcony was the pool area, a relaxing area and bar. You hoovered over the edge of the balcony, meeting the faces of some drivers. George, Alex, Charles, even Carlos and Max were there.

‘’No thanks, not in the mood.’’ You replied, shooting them a nice but tired smile, feeling once again guilty for rejecting them. You then heard the doorbell, your thoughts being immediately interrupted the moment you heard a knock following the ringing. You quickly made your way towards the front door, looking through the hole to see Pierre standing there, along with Yuki. You opened the door, a frown on your face as you saw the basket Yuki was holding.

‘’Hey, we ehm, heard you weren’t feeling too well, so we got you something.’’ Yuki handed you the basket which was filled with some candles and a bar of chocolate. ‘’My girlfriend said chocolate helps with period pains.’’ He then whispered, making Pierre hit his arm lightly. It brought a small smile to your face, seeing the two of them bickering about what to say, and how to bring it. ‘’Carlos told us you weren’t really in your element today, so we thought maybe this would help, consider it a little less healthy get well soon basket.’’ Pierre chuckled, walking over to give you a hug.

Tears appeared in your eyes, so you quickly closed your eyes, preventing the tears from falling down your face. ‘’Thank you guys, really, it means a lot.’’

The next day, you were walking through the paddock with Seb and Mick, talking to them about this event that was happening. Just work related stuff really. However, Seb noticed you were acting differently, instead of the enthusiastic smile, you just looked down at your papers a little too often for his liking. So once he stood in front of the Aston Martin hospitality, he grabbed your arm, just to pull you in for a hug.

You were caught by surprise, but the hug felt good. You’ve always seen Seb as a father figure, an uncle on track, something you desperately needed, especially right now. ‘’It will be okay, yeah?’’ He didn’t know what happened, but he could sense something was off, and instead of pressuring you to tell him, he decided giving you comfort would be better. And it was, because that hug was the very thing you needed right now.

Later that day, after the second practice was over, you had a small talk with Seb back in the hotel, you trusted him, enough to talk about what happened a few weeks ago. He was very compassionate, taking time to talk to you, let you talk and out your emotions, something you hadn’t done in front of anyone since your grandmother passed away.

After your talk with Seb, your eyes were stained red, a little puffy and the tip of your nose was a light pink shade. You were making your way down to the floor you were positioned at, when you ran into Charles on the way to your room.

‘’y/n?’’ He asked, carefully. He heard from Carlos and Lando you were on your period, and he didn’t want to come across as annoying or rude. He learnt how to deal with periods ever since he and Charlotte had gotten into a relationship.

You were quick in wiping away your tears, knowing that hiding them wouldn’t be something that would fool the Monegasque. ‘’Charles, hey.’’ You mumbled, sniffling as you smiled at him.

‘’What… are you alright? Can I help you?’’ He carefully asked, a worried look on his face. You simply shrugged your shoulders. You already told Seb, so why not tell the rest as well. You trusted them, each one of them, they were your friends.

-

‘’You know.’’ Charles started, once you had finished talking about what happened those past couple of weeks. You were now seated in your room, on the couch. Charles had his arm wrapped around your shoulder, listening to everything you told him.

‘’I’m sorry for your loss, y/n, she seemed like an amazing woman, and I’m sure she’s very proud of you right now.’’ He said. ‘’Seven years ago, I lost Jules, and let me tell you, it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to overcome.’’

…

‘’And I’m not saying it will get easier, because there hasn’t gone a day by I haven’t thought about him, I’m still not over it, and I don’t think I’ll ever will.’’ He pulled you closer to him by bringing his arm further around your shoulder, pressing a light kiss to your forehead.

‘’But I always hang onto the thought they are here, the people we lost.’’ He pointed to his chest when he said ‘here’, the place his heart was. ‘’They are a part of our lives, and as tough as it may be to never be able to hear them talking to us again, know that they are still, every day, a part of our lives, the decisions we make, the things we achieve and the things we do, they are here, you’re not alone.’’

The talk with Charles was good, just like the conversation you had with Carlos when you bumped into him when Charles walked out, he was looking for Charles.

Quali day, one of the most important days of the weekend, the day the positions for the race on Sunday were decided. It was an alright quali, no big crashes, just two yellow flags due to an engine failure or two.

You were back in your hospitality, your mood a little better because of the talks you had with some of the drivers. Lewis had brought Roscoe, the dog of the paddock, the happy energy itself.

‘’Hey, Roscoe boy.’’ You kneeled down, laughing as the dog ran over to you, laying down and rolling over for you to rub his belly. ‘’Good boy.’’ You smiled, looking up to see Lewis kneeling down in front of you.

‘’He has always liked you.’’ He smiled, rubbing Roscoe’s head as you continued rubbing his belly. You smiled at the Brit before lowering your gaze to the dog again. ‘’I talked to Sebastien.’’ A sigh escaped your lips, your eyes meeting his when his comforting smile calmed you instantly. ‘’I’m sorry for your loss, y/n. Know that God is taking good care of your grandmother and I’m sure she is very very proud of you.’’ You nodded, smiling as you slowly got up, standing straight to receive the hug Lewis gave you.

‘’Thank you Lewis.’’

-

‘’Thank you, Max, Daniel, George, it means a lot.’’ You were holding the basket with your favourite drinks and food, a card as well. It had all the names of the drivers on it, as well as a nice little message from each driver. Tears welled up in your eyes as you started to read the first one. ‘’I’ll read them tonight, I don’t want to cry in front of you all.’’ You laughed weakly, placing the basket on the table in your hotel room after stepping forward, embracing all three of them in a tight and warm hug. It felt like home, the drivers being like your brothers, like your family, all of them.

The day after the race, most drivers were already home, getting ready for the next race on the calendar. You too were getting ready to go home, packing your suitcase, when you heard a knock on your door, again, it always became a ritual. You didn’t take a peek through the hole this time, assuming it was one of your co-workers.

However, when you opened the door, you were looking into the blue/green/grey-ish eyes from the McLaren driver, a small smile on your lips as you saw him holding something in his hands.

‘’Hey.’’

‘’Hey.’’

‘’I’m sorry for, well, multiple things, first of all for your loss, and for me being such an idiot to keep asking you what was wrong.’’ He says, scratching the back of his neck lightly.

‘’It’s okay, Lando, don’t worry, I should apologize too, for being such a bitch.’’ You smiled, stepping aside to let the brown haired guy in your room.

‘’No, no, don’t, here, I hope this will make you feel a little better.’’ He says, handing you the present, which was, how do you say this in a nice way? Not professionally packed. You started to rip the paper from the rectangular shaped gift, tears immediately appearing in your eyes, rolling down your cheeks as you took out the gift.

‘’Lando…’’ You whispered, not believing what you were seeing in front of you.

‘’It’s the least I could do, and I had some help.’’ He smiled weakly, pulling you in for a hug almost instantly. It was true, he and your brother were great friends, so after he did some texting and phone calls, he instantly knew what to give you.

He had bought a frame, a picture frame. He then made a nice collage from some of the pictures your brother had sent him, pictures from you and your grandma, moments you cherished for the rest of your life. He carefully put them in the picture frame, and packed it, as good as he could.

‘’Thank you, thank you so much, you have no idea what this means to me.’’ You whispered, tightening your grip onto his shirt, hugging him as if your life depended on it.

‘’She loves you, y/n. And I’m sure she’s looking down at you right now, the biggest smile on her face. Because she is so proud of the woman you have become, so proud.’’ He whispered.

Grief, one of the hardest things to do, especially when you’re doing it all alone. Grief isn’t something you should experience on your own. It’s okay to take your moments, evaluate things on your own, but you should never have to deal with losses without the help of others. Friends, family, it’s all so important, especially in moments like these. And you know one thing, one important thing the moment your grandmother let out her final breath. With that breath, she told you one of the most powerful things one can have.

I love you

[goblinprincesss]

What’s Up Next For You In October? #pick a picture reading 🎃

Hey everyone! This is my first reading I’ll be posting on Tumblr yay! This was supposed to be put out earlier but my grandmother just had open heart surgery which has deeply impacted my family. There may be messages for you in more than 1 pile, so follow your intuition and pick which image(s) you feel most drawn to to :)

If you enjoy this reading please like, comment, reblog, share, and follow for more! This is also my first time giving a reading to people other than my family and friends, so be nice💀

⚠️DISCLAIMERS AND TRIGGER WARNING⚠️ Readings are for entertainment purposes only. Readings do not serve as a replacement for proper medical advice. Please remember that nothing is set in stone, and I am solely sharing what I think/feel based off of the energies I’m picking up at the current time of this reading. Keep in mind as well that this is a general reading, take what resonates and leave what doesn't! There is possibly triggering/mature content in this reading so proceed with caution, and take care of yourself<3 All images are from Pinterest.

Alright here are your choices:

Piles from top to bottom, left to right: 1, 2, 3

PILE 1 *trigger warning: mentions of dysfunctional families*

This month is going to be about giving your energy back to yourself and the areas in life that you may have been neglecting. You're definitely someone who has needed to prove your worth or constantly defend yourself which is SUPER DRAINING. I feel like because of this you've become consumed by what could happen in the future that you barley have time for yourself/self care. Eating comfort foods, going for a walk, doing hair/skin care, doing simple things that don't require a ton of planning, getting in touch with people if you've been putting it off could help to bring you back down from that constant place of anxiety/stress. It's also really important that you balance your personal time and your work life! That's not to say don't work hard but don't pile on things if you know it's unreasonable to manage and will interfere with time for yourself and loved ones. You're capable of many great things so don't discredit yourself or your life's work! I think it's great that you're able to stand up for yourself but remember that not every battle is worth fighting, and if you're always in a defensive place you could end up being stuck/not able to move forward, or trying to start something with someone else (i.e. arguing for the sake of arguing, while it can be fun it's not helpful AT ALL💀). Pay attention to how you feel, if a situation is getting out of hand or making you uncomfortable, walk away. This may feel like defeat or like you're letting people walk over you but respecting your boundaries and knowing your limits is the biggest win. If you are dealing with a mother figure (doesn't have to be a mother necessarily) and are having a difficult time, my heart goes out to you. Families are so complicated but like I said before: know your limits and remove yourself from the situation. You cannot control someone's behaviour and if their behaviour is harming you, reconsider how much time you spend with them. Ok, I know this seemed like a kinda sad reading, but!! This is just a time to re balance and get back in touch with what's important to you. Periods of reflection can be scary because we have to confront traumas but figuring out how to move past them will help you to feel so much more at peace with yourself. You have come very far in life and I'm extremely proud of you. I hope you have an amazing October and I wish you all the best. Oracle cards I pulled for advice: New Moon In Aries- It's time to take action South Node- Don't let your past hold you back Full Moon In Capricorn- The end of a tough cycle is approaching New Moon In Cancer- You and your loved ones are safe Channeled songs: Solita by Kali Uchis - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VWq9JCxnIA4 SANA SANA by Nathy Peluso- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pICv0qQIbeY

Pile 2 *trigger warning: mentions of substance abuse*

This month is going to be about revealing all that is hidden and changing unhealthy patterns. You may struggle with low self esteem which keeps the real you hidden from other people, lead you to abuse substances, or addictions of other sorts. I feel like naturally you're quite introverted so you also might have difficultly trusting people. If you're dealing with the misuse of substances please reach out to a healthcare professional and know that there's nothing to be ashamed of! We all handle issues differently. It's also important that you remember that you have to trust yourself before you can trust others. If you're feeling fragile, you should ground yourself by spending time in nature or maybe working out to make your body stronger. Make sure to eat foods that will nurture your body, and when facing decisions make the choice that will benefit your future self (i.e. instead of watching TV, you could do some cleaning around the house). Your body could also be trying to right itself/cleanse itself so don't be surprised if you start feeling under the weather; keep drinking water and eating foods such as oranges to help you combat this. I feel like you know in your heart what's right but you just need a little nudge in the right direction. If you're having very vivid dreams pay attention to them and decipher what they could mean, and listen to what your body is telling you. It might be helpful to go to therapy to work through your problems other than possible addictions. You don't have to fix anything or everything- changes just have to be made and that's completely normal. Towards the end of the month you'll be more at peace and have more of a sense of who you are and where you want to go from here on out. Small habits can make big differences, you'll be surprised at the changes that will happen when you modify your habits! And there's nothing wrong with having fun but make sure you do so in a responsible way and surround yourself with people who care about your well being. Don't be afraid of how awesome you are and how even MORE awesome you can be. I wish you all the best! Oracle cards I pulled for advice: South Node- Don't let your past hold you back Full Moon In Gemini- The answers you need are coming Waxing Moon- The energy is gaining momentum Full Moon In Scorpio- It's time to release negativity Waning Moon- What do you need to release? Channeled songs: Get Free by Lana Del Rey- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=axRMZqUNVEw Here Comes The Sun by The Beatles- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KQetemT1sWc

PILE 3

This month is going to be about major positive shifts and travel! I think this pile has had enough of their stifling environment and you could've had a huge realization that you need change NOW and you're the only one that can make that happen. You might be moving to a new country or somewhere completely different from where you've been living (some of you could still be living in the town/city of you were born in). Some of you may even be taking a vacation to somewhere that has the total opposite climate to where you're living, which will be super energizing. Whether you're moving to a new place or taking a trip, you'll encounter many adventures and you'll make connections with people that will last a life time. I also think that these experiences will help you realize what you want to do with your life. As well, spending time with these people will bring you opportunities to explore your career options and could possibly help land you your dream job! Out of all of these piles, I feel like you're the most ready to make big life decisions, and you realize that not taking the reigns of your life will get you nowhere. You are so DETERMINED to make things work! Some of you may be single parents, care takers, or social activists, and this makes me believe that it's not just about things being good for you but also helping others because you understand the importance of family and community. Adventuring and learning new things nurture your soul so if you've been meaning to pick up a new hobby or wanting to discover new hiking trails, now's the perfect time! Honestly, if you've felt as if 2022 has been one of the worst years ever, October is DEFINITELY a turning point. This pile has given my such a surge of energy like I can feel the excitement coursing through my whole body. You are 100% ready to start this new chapter in your life. I'm wishing you all the best! Oracle cards I pulled for advice: Full Moon In Aquarius- Show the world the real you Waxing Crescent Moon-Have faith in your dreams New Moon In Taurus-Prosperity Lies Ahead New Moon In Sagittarius- Luck is on your side Channeled songs: Barracuda by Heart: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PeMvMNpvB5M Midnight Sky by Miley Cyrus: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d2XDhfOjkVs

[funkymbtifiction]

7 Instant Re-framing

I mention sometimes about 7s re-framing, but I don’t know that most people know what that means, in terms of searching for it to confirm your type.

7s can re-frame in an instant, which is to say they reject whatever is unpleasant and happening in the second it’s going on, and interpret it in a new light or make it positive, so they don’t have to deal with the pain. I know an ESFJ 7w6 who may have had the worst week in the world, but when you ask her about it, she has re-framed it all to focus on the positives that can be pulled out of it. Like, maybe her son has cancer but his white blood cell is up! I knew another 7 who visited a foreign country and was put off by the rude (by her country’s standards) behaviors of its citizens; but she re-framed it instantly and said, “It must be so refreshing to be free of feeling obligated to say hello to people!” In the midst of a difficult breakup, another 7 told me that she felt really good about this, because it freed her up to find her true soulmate!

I have even experienced this, per my 7 wing, although I didn’t recognize it until later. I loathe caskets at funerals, since there is nothing to do but stare at it, and imagine the dead body of your loved one inside it (heaven forbid it should be an open casket, in my mind). For the most part, I’ve gotten away with not doing that because a lot of the funerals I’ve attended are memorial services with an urn. But my aunts insisted my grandmother’s pretty pink casket be present at her funeral. Staring at it, I started getting emotional and tears welled up in my eyes -- and it’s like my brain immediately switched gears to make them happy tears, instead of miserable tears. I couldn’t deal with thinking, “She’s ten feet away from me and she’s dead,” so my brain re-framed it into, “She was going blind and deaf and now she’s at peace,” and because I’m a Christian, I added, “and the first thing she got to see is Jesus’ face and now I’m so jealous!” So when my cousin patted me on the back for crying and whispered, “I know you loved her so much and miss her,” my re-framing 7 wing thought, “She’s wrong! I’m really HAPPY for her right now!”

That’s the extent to which my 7 wing regularly rewrites situations to make them easier for me to deal with / ignoring the pain. I’ve also got stories about how I’ve just wanted to leave difficult situations rather than work through them, because I didn’t want to face other people’s hurt feelings. Being a re-framing double head type (6w7), to my shame, there are times when I have just angrily dismissed emotional people’s reactions to my bluntness as them overreacting (that 7 wing tendency not to take responsibility for things) and re-framed it to soothe myself with being less hysterical than they are rather than admitted to being a jerk. As I am a 6, I did not run away but I was sure as hell tempted late one night to just toss all my stuff in the car (I was staying with a friend) and drive two hours home. The fear of driving so far late at night kept me there more than any willingness to talk through our fight.

Don’t underestimate the power and influence of your wing. It’s important.

[blacksunscorpio]

Hi, hope you’re well! I was wondering about the hidden enemies aspect of the twelfth house. Does hidden mean the types of people (people with influence of the sign in your 12h) you are unaware are antagonizing you or is it that those characteristics in someone throw you off but you can’t really put your finger on why? Can these people believe that they are helping you but really they’re holding you back in some way? Can the hidden aspect go both ways? Why does 12h synestry have this effect? I have cancer on the 12h cusp and I’ve never really been able to develop any meaningful relationships with any (cancers) that I’ve met though I’ve been trying to emulate characteristics of this sign (12h as repressed tendencies). Note: I unfortunately have no water placements to help me out what so ever lol. Thanks for your help, your blog is absolute gold ✨✨✨

12th House and Hidden Enemies

Since the 12th house is ruled by Neptune, this is the place in our chart where things can be difficult to ascertain. Things are murky and veiled here. Not only can you be unaware of where people are causing trouble for you but there can also be a weird “vibe” that something is not right with something or someone but one may not be readily able to make it out. In the natal chart, synastry, or composite this can display itself as mentioned above. Things can get triggered here in ways you are not altogether comfortable with. And of course, because like the 8th house, things can be deeply buried or repressed. For more insight lets look further:

Aries/Mars in the 12th

Hidden or unconscious foes can often attack a native’s go sense of self. This is because Aries/Mars rules the 1st house of self. “I AM”. Often a native with this placement may wind up feeling victimized without being able to put their finger on the source if said feeling. An astrologer/native will want to observe one’s Mars placement and the contacts it is making to other planets in the natal horoscope or in synastry/composite [Mid-point or Davison]. Ex: Mars in the 1st can indicate conflict to the self. Mars in the 7th can indicate complexity with enemies being close relationships. One can have issues with authority figures or those in leadership. Hidden enemies can be competitors or they may feel anyone who triggers these planets is a rival they need to “beat”. People who trigger “lust” or “Sexual urges” in a native may be perceived as a nemesis. In addition, rivals/enemies might display aggression, antagonism, self-serving habits, and impulsivity. Watch out for those who display toxicity in the form of domination or those who overall try to silence or step on your drive. These people can be ruthless, cruel, “bullies” or simply those who charge in a shoot first/ask questions later. 

Taurus/Venus in the 12th 

Enemies are involved with 2nd house realm of “possessions”. Things we get territorial over. This includes finances and things we appreciate. Enemies may accuse the native of stealing/taking something precious from them. Things they value. Be on guard for those who encourage over-indulgence, general excess, and materialism. Someone who once wore the mask of a friend may turn foe due to being envious of the things a native owns. The things a native has or their wealth. Venusian placements can indicate the type of relationship a native has with their enemy. Ex: Venus in the 4th may indicate secretly toxic family members. Venus in the 11th= friends or those in their general social network. Venus in the 5th, casual lovers, etc. Fixed tendencies or feelings can exist in the underlying relationship between secret enemies. Be on the lookout for undoing in the physical/material realm. This includes thievery, hoarding, over-spending, or living beyond practical means.  Undoing can come from going after comfort and security in toxic or co-dependent ways. Lovers or those who provide wealth and security may become enemies by withholding it from a native or trying to gain control over it behind the native’s back.

Gemini/Mercury in the 12th 

Secret enemies can come in many forms. Generally, this will be in the realm of communication, ideals, or intellect. The interactions may be formidable and stem from communicative interactions or opposing views. A  secret enemy will often challenge the native’s wits or will simply strive to appear more intelligent than them. Superficiality, fakeness, disingenuousness, and two-faced behavior are common threads. Undoing can display itself as blockages to learning, gaining insights, and general discouragement of focus that can make the native grow. An enemy will, in layman’s terms, try to make you look stupid. Insult your mind. Make you lose focus. Mercury aspects and placements can reveal more. Ex: Mercury in the 11th can indicate surface level bonds with peers and communication that is not honest. Friends may lie. Mercury in the 9th possibly indicating enemies who may try to manipulate beliefs or manipulation in regard to teaching and religion. Secret enemies will reveal themselves in their communication methods with the natives. Through dialogue. Enemies here can use sarcasm, cowardly subs, insults veiled through “back-handed compliments”, passive aggression, insult you subliminally so you don’t realize you were attacked or insulted until after-the-fact. Slander, libel, or general shit talking. Think of Regina George:  “OMG I love your skirt!” only to turn around and say “That is the fugliest effing skirt I’ve ever seen”.  with the 3rd house involved, siblings and extended family could be culprits or part of the problem.  A toxic person may try to attack your intellectual confidence. Unethical approaches involved with words and general attacks of the mind. These people may intentionally cause confusion or gaslighting. Watch out for people you perceive to be liars. Therein lies the foe.

Cancer/Moon in the 12th

Veiled Nemesis’ are often difficult to feel. Things will be subtle. Their tactics or vibes will often display themselves in the form of manipulation, passive aggression, or a general “toying with the feelings”. Since the moon/Cancer often represents the “mother”, toxicity from a parent or child may be an issue or the culprit. A native will often feel their sense of security or safety being “attacked”. Enemies will attach their healing methods and/or emotional confidence. The placement of the Moon can indicate where emotional damage typically goes on. Ex: Moon in the 10th can indicate attacks to the public person or prestige or even the career. Coddling, not being able to let go, clinginess and overprotection are general themes. Perhaps a parent or guardian, lover, or close friend is incessantly over-protective that it causes a stunt to general emotional and mental growth. Again, it may be hard to see since it is the moon that can be a mysterious place as is the 12th house. The channel that one discovers said enemy will typically be through intuition and even dreams. Remember, through said over-protection and general fear of letting go can lead to the native’s undoing. We often see the toxic side of femininity with this placement. Mom, Grandma, sister, great grandmother, etc can be involved in the problem here. Child-abuse, using the child as a pawn during custody battles, emotional manipulation in order to get what the enemy wants can be what causes the nemesis theme. A hidden enemy may cloak themselves as “just wanting the best for you” or “I do it because I love you and care.” The enemy may not be able to let go.

Leo/Sun in the 12th

Foes will strive to exert their and dominance over a native. This will display itself as the spirit of competitiveness, bullying, domination, bossiness, arrogance, etc. Think leonine traits at their worst. Leo in the 12th will do this behind the scenes with power plays. How they can lord things over a native. The father could be a culprit in this or the father could be part of the issue. Daddy issue [regardless of sex]. Internalized misogyny. The Sun’s placement can reveal more. Sun in the 3rd will try to influence the mind or dominate the intellect. Sun in the 6th indicates a coworker or boss or one may feel/be overshadowed at work. The battle will always be involved with the core ego or one’s sense of self. A hidden enemy will try to greatly influence this person in this realm. A hidden nemesis will try to act like the dominant parental figure or act as if they are giving good sage-like guidance or person. They will try to act like the authority figure. This person will drain the native’s energy stores. The definition of an energy vampire. Why? because even as humans, we get our energy from the Sun. We are heliocentric. One can often feel drained energetically after dealing with such an individual. This will reveal to you “who” the enemy is. In addition, we can see more themes of toxic masculinity here just like Mars in the 12th. Moreover, the enemy may not be another person but the own native’s hubris. They need to take care not to allow their ego to run roughshod over them. Pride comes before the fall.

Virgo/Mercury in the 12th 

Secret enemies with this placement will often reveal themselves by criticism. More specifically, criticism about things a native is very insecure about. The critiquing will be neither healthy nor remotely helpful. It will scar instead fo heal. Hidden foes will wear the mask of the “caretaker” or “healer”.  Their behavior will simply be a means to an end. The native will often find themselves internalizing the criticism which is exactly what their enemy wants. The words the foe spouts will be sort of like Simon Cowell’s analytical stance. Harsh but not in a way that builds. One may often find the enemy saying things like “that’s just my opinion.” they will veil it under the mask of “honesty” when in reality it is just shit-talking for shit-talking’s sake. These people don’t really care, they just like to take people down a peg. Be on the lookout for those who display “Munchhausen by proxy syndrome” towards you. The caregiver who secretly injures by tries to gaslight and cover it up under the guise of “love”.

Libra/Venus in the 12th 

Like Taurus in the 12th, similar issues will display themselves through relationships. The ones closest to us. Your hidden foes may hide under the mask of “friend”. They are nearer than you are probably comfortable with. Look for those who are near and dear. Now, will all your teammates, family ties or friends be enemies? No. But you’ll want to be careful who you let into your circle with said placement. Best friends turn to enemies. The ones who hate on you when something good happens. The friends who link with you through trauma bonds but when you successfully break that tie, they are angry at every “win” you have. These people will be the ones who don’t clap when you win. The people who say they are “there for you” but stab you in the back.  They’ll secretly compete with you. Those who thrive and gloat when you are down and out. Enemies in this house will threaten your harmony and balance somehow. They will not respond well to diplomacy or will mask their ill-intent through the mask of “sweetness” and “Friendliness”. You’ll feel a shallow vibe from them. They’ll say one thing but their energy screams something else. Friends who are fair weather. Those who take advantage of a native’s attachment, or infatuation. A lover who ghosts or tries to make you co-dependent on them. An enemy or toxic person may actually lust or secretly desire you but manipulate you into thinking you are the one obsessed with them. There will be subtle mind games. They will enjoy toying with you. Delayed gratification or just manipulation. Think 5 of swords and 3 of cups paired.

Scorpio/Pluto in the 12th 

Paranoia resides here. Hidden foes will be quite underhanded and manipulative. Secrecy is seriously involved. People with this placement live by the mantra “expect anything from anyone, the devil was once an angel”. Betrayal, possessiveness, control and power themes, vengeance, and guilt are involved with enemies. Anyone who triggers these themes recurringly may be individuals to keep your distance from. People who trigger self-destructive tendencies are enemies to look out for. Moreover, a native can feel like they are their own worst enemy. Remember, a Scorpion is prone to stinging themselves. Enemies here are prone to trying to turn the native against themselves. This toxic behavior will be intentional. Toxicity will display itself through trauma bonds, possessiveness, gaslighting, manipulation, envy, or just general attempts at control and domination. Remember, the general theme here is “power and transformation.” Enemies are often those who boast a considerable amount of power [over the native or those who are powerful in general]. The danger in this placement? A native may feel a strong magnetic pull or obsessive fascination towards the enemy. This can appear in the natal, synastry, or composite chart. Watch out for the lover who seems to have a hold on you but you don’t know how or can’t seem to break it. They know what they're doing *sucks teeth*. Secret enemies desire to manipulate you or play the ventriloquist. Their goal is to see you be your own downfall. They’ll wade in the shadows, pouring gasoline on the fire of the flames of your self-destruction. Watch out for those who smirk while you’re going through a hard time. Or those who encourage you to do things you inwardly know aren’t good for you. Be on the look out for power-hungry individuals. Those who NEED to be worshipped. The types to lead “cult-like” followings and draw you in. This can often be displayed through seduction.

Sagittarius/Jupiter in the 12th

Hidden enemies/foes will be very fanatical and zealous. Enemies here lie in the realm of philosophies, teaching, higher learning, or religious beliefs. These enemies will be toxic gamblers. People who enable you or encourage self-indulgence, promiscuity, and general recklessness. They won’t ever warn you or ask you to heed caution. Ever. They’ll mislead you, tell you half-truths, or cherry-pick facts and figures to suit their own needs. They’ll make you think you’re getting the full picture but you won’t be. They’ll teach harmful beliefs, things that destroy faith in what is tangible or real. Make shit up to suit their own propaganda. It’s very similar to Neptune since both Jupiter and Neptune rule the spiritual. What they teach you may make you feel bogged down. They’ll use beliefs and doctrine to control. Their passion and zeal may make you feel as if what they are spouting is the end-all-be-all but it tends to be the opposite. Gloating and one-upmanship are themes as well. These hidden enemies will reveal themselves by questioning your beliefs or forcing you to believe theirs or causing dramatic scenes when you don’t conform or question theirs.  The nemesis might be a professor, guru, preacher, priest/priestess, or political leader. They’ll be exaggerators, quite preachy, and cloak their arrogance under another mask. Often it will be “confidence” but ultimately it’s bravado or self-absorption. They’ll be charismatic, yes, but they’ll attack your aspirations, idealism, talents, and dreams or simply try to tell you they’re not there or tell you you don’t really know yourself- they do. They’ll tell you they “know you better than you know yourself”.  Again the theme is “beliefs”. They will dissuade you from forming any thought process that doesn’t align with their own. They won’t encourage you to learn for yourself, cross reference, cite your own sources, or guide you to thinking for yourself. It will always have to be in the confines of what THEY believe for it to be seen as “appropriate”.

Capricorn/Saturn in the 12th

Hidden enemies or foes will often be a threat to growth. They’ll be restrictive. Threaten a native’s ambitions, reputation, prestige, groundedness/security. They may present themselves or even be authority figures. Power games are seen here. Guilt, repression, feelings of guilt, and/or general suppression of self-expression and drive. These individuals will be calculated. Very chess-like. Wealth or the legacy of a native and their possessions will be threatened or at risk when one has this placement. The enemy will display an austere persona. Could even be the father, grandfather, great grandfather, etc. Masculinity is involved here. Disappointment and criticism are extreme themes they’ll subject you to. This is how you’ll figure out who they are. They’ll be cold, want control, or be controlling. EXTREMELY negative. They’ll also be greedy or attempt to hold a native back from success, prosperity, or independence. Maturity will be inhibited. Opportunities thwarted. But they’ll mask it all under “wanting the best for you.”  The enemy could even be an individual's lack of exploration or their own self-repression. They could cause themselves to be too hard on themselves which could lead them into self-imposed depression. They must learn to be free. LIVE.

Aquarius/Uranus in the 12th

Hidden foes and/or enemies can be erratic. They’ll operate in a very unpredictable manner.  Their behavior will be exciting so it may be hard to recognize it at first. They may appear out of the blue. The nemesis might attack a native’s individuality and freedom. They may cause chaos and disruptions in your life. The enemy may not respect your individuality or differences and/or freedom. They’ll disapprove of the unique way of life your lead. [Look at Saturn as well as Uranus]. Your freedom will always be a threat to theirs and vice versa. Look out for those who seem “out there” and who try to coax you into avant-garde ways of doing things. It may not always be in your best interest. You could wind up with sudden breaks, accidents, unpredictable events because of them. They may cause disruptions to your security or cause so much confusion they can cause severe damage to your psyche [Uranus can also rule intelligence and mental dealings]. They’ll be recognizable as the “rebels”. They may not always be the types to intentionally wish you harm but may lead you to it. They’ll be, eccentrics, or anarchists and can lead you astray. Their agenda is to be agents of chaos. Think of the Joker from the Dark Knight. “Do I really look like a guy with a plan?” It will be hard to see. You may even be enthralled. Again this is the 12th house. Lots of instability here. The enemy could even be the individual's need for rebellion which can cause them to get themselves into trouble because they don’t see the threat or danger involved or they simply don’t care.

Pisces/Neptune in the 12th

Hidden foes may have may connections to karma. The feelings will be extremely felt through intuition and psychic insights. You’ll feel them but not really know where they’re coming from. Often there will be a “Nessus/Dejanira” theme going on. The victim and abuser. Often, the native will be the abused.  Strong Manipulation. The enemy will make you drink the “Kool-aid”. Their abuse often stems from their own hurt and trauma. They’ll claim they want to heal you or help you. Their “aid” will be cloaked under sympathy and love. Often it is an illusion. In reality, they’re wanting something. Being used can often be a theme. Themes of addiction or drug abuse can live here, too. Think of Bobby and Whitney or even Syd and Nancy. Enabling addictions are very prevalent. Now the enemy may not even be a person but addictions themselves can be the undoing or downfall. One with this placement must be careful in indulging in mind-altering substances. Alcoholism can be an issue as well. If it is an actual individual, the foe can play the martyr or cause you to sacrifice something precious to you. They can play off your insecurities or weakness and keep you emotionally dependent. They can toxic to your spirituality or try to influence your spirituality as well.

[lovers-in-japan-reign-of-love]

Hi, can I request an Avengers cast x Reader (not teen) where Reader got cancer and hasn’t been able to see her cast mates for months because they’ve been busy. But reader is free from cancer (excuse me if I get some things wrong, I don’t fully know how cancer works) in time for Comic-Con, so she shows up for a panel with the cast. Maybe it’s infinity war so almost everyone is there? So like after all the actors have walked up on stage, Y/N reveals herself? I would love tears of joy from someone

Notes: I’d like to thank @storiesbystarlight for the suggestion! I hope you enjoy it.

I mean no disrespect by writing or posting this, and in no way do I take the themes and topics discussed in this story lightly. So if you’re triggered by any of this, I suggest not reading it.

I’m sorry if a lot of what’s written here seems repetitive. I don’t know a whole lot when it comes to cancer and cancer treatment. I tried doing some research, but I found it difficult to write it into the story without it coming across like I’m just copying what I find. If that makes sense.

I don’t own any of the pictures/gifs used.

Warnings: Reader has cancer, a sprinkle of angst probably, spelling/grammatical errors, a bAd WoRd here and there, poor writing??

Masterlist: Click Here & Here

Part 2: Click Here

Word Count: 1,650

It’s been a grueling couple of months. While your cast mates are out and about, doing their thing, you’ve been in and out of hospitals, hoping to get rid of the cancer that’s been invading your life for the last eighteen months. You should’ve seen it coming though, since the illness runs in your family — you grandmother died of pancreatic cancer when you were ten; your uncle underwent intense treatment due to an aggressive brain tumor five years later; and a cousin of yours spent a good two and a half years battling leukemia not even a year later. Thankfully, your uncle and cousin are in remission, and you can only hope they’ll remain cancer-free.

Now it’s your turn. Unfortunately.

You have leukemia, the same one your cousin had, but yours is a stubborn bitch to get rid of. You’ve undergone so many treatments, but the cancer is persistent, and it’s frustrating. All you want is to return to your life, to be healthy and happy and not have to worry about the cancer’s progression and whether or not you’ll ever recover. All you want is to get back to filming, to have that normalcy you craved since you first got that diagnosis. But after eighteen months you begin to wonder if you’re doomed to just suffer. Your cousin had two and a half years of treatment and hospital visits and having to be careful with her activities, and you couldn’t stand it. You didn’t want to be careful, you wanted to enjoy your life. But life always has to throw a curve-ball, doesn’t it?

——

It was another six months before you received the news that you were cancer-free. It was like you’d been punched in the gut, but the relief came over you not long after. Then the water works came, and as you left the hospital, the realization of what you’d been told finally sunk in. The leukemia is gone, now the only thing you have to worry about is whether or not it’ll come back.

As you got outside, you took out your cell phone and dialed your mother’s number. She’d usually come with you to your appointments, but she had to work a double shift at her job and couldn’t make it.

“Y/N?” Concern came over your mom’s voice after she answered. Only your family was aware of your leukemia, you didn’t want the media to make a big deal out of something incredibly painful and personal. “Are you okay?” your mom asks. “Is something wrong? I knew I shouldn’t have taken that extra shift, I’ll come down to the hospital...”

“No,” you laugh, your voice thick with tears. “I’ll come by your work, I have some big news.”

There was a brief silence before your mother responded. “Are you... Is it gone?” she stammers, her voice quivering.

You nod, despite knowing she can’t see you. “It is,” you confirm. “It’s gone.”

You hear a strangled sob from the other end of the phone, and your tears begin to fall more intensely, if that’s even possible. “I-I’ll try and get out early,” your mother exclaims.

“But what about...?”

“Oh Georgette can fuck off. She’s always looking for an excuse to get out of work. You’re more important than her.”

——

News spread quickly within the family of your remission, and they were all quick to put a mini celebration together. Your father made your favorite dish, your sister made your favorite dessert and your mother got off work early with a heap of goodies that she knew were your favorite. Of course, you were cautious to eat all of the food they got and made, still worried it’d cause some kind of health problems due to the side effects of your medication. You underwent so many changes compared to the early days of your diagnosis. Some of your favorite foods began to taste differently thanks to medication, some of the meals you once loved you couldn’t eat thanks to your treatment.

Of course you can’t complain. If you didn’t get the treatment, God only knows what state you’d be in. You’re just grateful you made it to where you are now.

So as you’re sitting at the kitchen table, smiling at a joke your sister told, picking at the food on your plate. Your father, after hearing the news, came to the hospital as fast as he could, over the moon that his child was now in the clear.

“You okay, N/N?” your father asks. “You haven’t touched your food. I made your favorite.”

“I know,” you sigh, putting your fork down. “I appreciate it, it’s just... I got a text before dinner.”

“What kind of text?” your sister presses.

“From one of my costars.” You lean back in your seat. “Chris... the one who plays Cap, he sent it. Everyone’s been invited to Comic-Con to promote Infinity War, and I’m expected to be there.”

“Are you going?” your mother adds. “You’ve just gotten news of your remission, I don’t want you traveling if you’re not up for it. Especially if it’s going to put your health at risk.”

“I haven’t seen them all in so long. They’ve all been busy with their own thing, and I’ve been in and out of the hospital. I’d like to go, especially since I’ve put so much blood, sweat and tears into that movie.”

“When is it?” your brother asks.

“A couple of weeks.” You grimace. “I’ll be sure to set up an appointment with my doctor to see what she says. I won’t go if she thinks I’m in no condition, but I don’t see why I can’t if I’m otherwise fine.”

But that does nothing to ease your nerves.

——

You managed to squeeze in some time with your doctor and explained the situation. She gave you the okay to go, but made you promise not to push yourself too hard. She gave you some precautions and you promised to adhere to them. And as Comic-Con neared, you began to worry. You looked different compared to when you finished filming Infinity War. You’d been using chemo to help fight the leukemia, among other treatments the doctors felt were necessary for your overall health. As a result of the chemo, you lost your hair. You also became fairly pale, among other physical changes. You can only imagine how everyone will react once they see you.

The day of Comic-Con came and you felt anxious. This is the first time in months you’ll see your costars, and it feels like your stomach is doing somersaults. Your hands are clammy and your heart is beating a mile a minute. You decided beforehand that you weren’t going to meet up with your costars yet, you wanted to work up the courage first. So when you were given directions to where the group panel would be, you kept your distance from the others, not wanting to draw their attention to you. Part of you longed to be with them though, to involve yourself in their conversations and laugh at their jokes; to rekindle that familiarity you missed in those months you spent at the hospital. But you didn’t. You couldn’t, not yet.

The panel started after a good fifteen minutes of waiting, the host warming up the audience before calling everyone to come out. You could hear the cheers, and a small smile came across your face. Only to disappear when you heard your name.

“...lastly, the talented Y/N Y/L/N!” the host called, their voice loud and jovial over the sound of the cheering audience.

Swallowing thickly, you begin your journey from where you stood to the stage, your heart stuttering against your ribs. It feels like an eternity before you reach the stage, and despite your anxiety and hesitation, you plaster a smile on your face and wave to the crowd as you walk out, hoping they don’t notice just how overwhelmed you are. You give hugs to everyone on stage with you, but you can see the confusion subtly written on their faces at the sight of you, though their excitement at seeing you was definitely a sight for sore eyes.

You take your seat next to Chris (Evans), and you’re more than hyper-aware of all the eyes on you.

“Y/N, I have to say,” the host begins, “we haven’t seen much of you lately. The cast of Infinity War has been busy with promotional work, but you’ve been gone for most of it. What happened?”

You give a smile, a nervous chuckle escaping your lips. “Well, I’ve been busy with some personal stuff lately,” you say. “I guess... I was diagnosed with cancer shortly after filming Infinity War, so I decided to take a break from acting until I knew I was cancer-free.”

You heard gasps and murmurs, and you resisted the urge to shift in your seat.

“You have cancer?” Robert looks at you, his brows furrowed in concern as he studies you, a deep frown on his face.

“Had cancer,” you emphasize. “I’m in remission. Got the news a few weeks ago.”

While you heard the crowd clap and cheer their support, your focus was on your costars, your friends. You see Chris’ eyes tearing up a little, and the worried yet relieved expression on Robert’s face. You see Scarlett give a warm smile, but there’s pain in her eyes. Tom (Hiddleston) stands and gives you a questioning glance for a hug; you nod, standing to reciprocate his embrace.

“I’m so proud of you darling,” he murmurs, his voice loud enough only for you to hear.

“Thank you,” you respond, your voice shaking slightly. “I missed you guys so much.”

When the hug ends, Tom goes back to his seat and the panel begins, a congratulations coming from the host before the topic begins to shift to the movie and fan questions.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

@treasure-that-is-what-you-are

[leaping-in-london]

When A Monster Calls and Nobody Wants to Listen

I've read when A Monster Calls twice and both times have been equally devastating. Unexpected and devastating losses, while not abnormal, are crushing and even more so when it comes to children. In this particular book, Conor is unable to deal with the loss of his mother and so he creates a mythical and external monster in order to process what he is incapable of processing. Not so ironically, the monster comes from a yew tree. A yew tree, as we learn in the novel, is something that is said to have healing properties.

Important Tidbits from the novel with commentary . . .

“But Conor didn’t run. In fact, he found he wasn’t even frightened. All he could feel, all he had felt since the monster revealed itself, was a growing disappointment. Because this wasn’t the monster he was expecting” (loc. 71).

We know almost from the start that the monster is a metaphor for the grief that Conor is unable to express. Instead of allowing his despair over the impending death of his mother to manifest, he creates an alternative receptacle for his grief, thus “othering” it so that he can deal with the multitude of emotions. 

“This change hadn’t come when everything started with Conor’s mum. No, it had come later, when Conor started having the nightmare, the real nightmare, not the stupid tree, the nightmare with the screaming and the falling, the nightmare he would never tell another living soul about” (loc. 167).

This quote is interesting because it addresses the chaos of grief and how difficult it is to express grief. Instead of being able to process his feelings with another adult-his grandma is angry like Conor is and his father is worthless-it finds an outlet in his dreams. The screaming is the rage that he wants to express and the falling is the lack of control that he has with respect to his mother’s cancer.

“Stories are wild creatures, the monster said. When you let them loose, who knows what havoc they might wreak? The monster looked up, and Conor followed its gaze. It was looking at Conor’s bedroom window. The room where his grandma now slept. Let me tell you a story of when I went walking, the monster said. Let me tell you of the end of a wicked queen and how I made sure she was never seen” (loc. 463).

Each of the stories mimics what Conor is unable to deal with in real life. The wicked queen, his grandmother, needs to disappear from Conor’s world. He associates the disappearance of his grandmother with the disappearance of his mother’s illness.

“It was only a moment before it would bong bong bong its way to nine o’clock. Conor stood there until the second hand glided around and reached the twelve. The instant the bongs were about to start, he grabbed the pendulum, holding it at the high point of its swing” (loc. 896)

I like this particular section because it is one of the first “literal” symbols of the "time" that Conor wants to stop. 

“The parson refused to believe the Apothecary could help, said the monster. When times were easy, the parson nearly destroyed the Apothecary, but when the going grew tough, he was willing to throw aside his every belief if it would save his daughters”  (loc. 1004).

This addresses how hypocritical and weak people are - they hide behind their “faith” because it’s easy. When the “rubber meets the road,” people will do almost anything to save themselves. 

“Never invisible again, the monster kept saying as he pummeled Harry. Never invisible again. There came a point when Harry stopped trying to fight back, when the blows from the monster were too strong, too many, too fast, and when he began begging the monster to stop” (loc. 1395).

People are often “afraid” of people who have had to endure devastating losses. There is a window of time where grief is “allowed” and then, as a general rule, people expect that person to return to who they used to be. Since that is often impossible, that person tends to become invisible. We are so uncomfortable with “catching it” that people will often avoid the person who is grieving. Conor, acting as the “monster,” wants to be seen. He wants to be treated as if he were still there. He wants to be punished for his behavior. He wants some normalcy. 

“I did not come to heal her, the monster said. I came to heal you” (loc. 1580).

There isn’t a lot to say beyond the obvious in this line. Conor manufactured the monster to detach himself from the parts of himself that were simply incapable of processing what was going on. The monster disappears when Conor begins to accept the reality of who he is and the reality of those around him.  

Other important tidbits from the novel . . .

“‘And if, one day,’ she said, really crying now, ‘you look back and you feel bad for being so angry, if you feel bad for being so angry at me that you couldn’t even speak to me, then you have to know, Conor, you have to know that it was okay. It was okay. That I knew. I know, okay? I know everything you need to tell me without you having to say it out loud. All right?’ He still couldn’t look at her” (loc. 1531).

“He spoke the truth. He told the rest of the fourth tale. ‘I can’t stand it anymore!’ he cried out as the fire raged around him. ‘I can’t stand knowing that she’ll go! I just want it to be over! I want it to be finished!’” (loc. 1706).

“The answer is that it does not matter what you think, the monster said, because your mind will contradict itself a  hundred times each day. You wanted her to go at the same time you were desperate for me to save her” (loc. 1740).

(Week 2, #1)

[firstfullmoon]

Im dealing with conflicting feelings for my grandmother who might be dying, or maybe not but she's very old and has cancer. I know this might be heavy to read I just wondered if you had any book or poetry recommendations? Like about complicated family relationships and grief. I just feel a lot of guilt, sorry again.

I’m really sorry I hope you’ll be okay. I hope I will be able to help you a little ♡ 

Ada Limón’s collection Bright Dead Things deals a lot with the loss of her stepmother and their complicated relationship, perfectly embodied in the poem “In A Mexican Restaurant I Recall How Much You Upset Me”

Sharon Olds had a complicated relationship with her parents and wrote very poignant poems about it: “I Go Back to May 1937” “After 37 Years My Mother Apologizes for My Childhood” “To See My Mother” (this one is specifically about her mother’s death)

Dorianne Laux also had complicated relationships with her family, for instance “Family Stories” and her poem “Trying to Raise the Dead” deals with grief

Same for Louise Glück and her parents: “Metamorphosis” about her father dying, “Nocturne” about her mother dying, “Aboriginal Landscape” and “Visitors from Abroad” about the aftermath of their deaths

Marie Howe wrote a lot about grief: What the Living Do about the loss of her brother, The Kingdom of Ordinary Time about her dying mother and Magdalene less personal but still focused on grief. Some poems that are absolutely gutting: “What the Living Do” “The Gate” “The Promise” “Magdalene” “Magdalene—The Seven Devils”

Some other poems about grief: 

“Taking Care” by Callista Buchen

“Heavy” by Mary Oliver (“That time / I thought I could not / go any closer to grief / without dying / I went closer, / and I did not die.” !)

“Introduction to Quantum Theory” by Franny Choi

“Separation” by W. S. Merwin

“Funeral Blues” by W.H. Auden

“The Glass Essay” by Anne Carson

Some books about grief and dealing with grief: The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion, The Waves by Virginia Woolf, Written on the Body by Jeanette Winterson, Grief Lessons: Four Plays by Euripides and Nox by Anne Carson, Grief is the Thing with Feathers by Max Porter, The Chronology of Water by Lidia Yuknavitch, also Bluets by Maggie Nelson to a certain extent

Some books with/about difficult family relationships (mostly mothers/children): Why Be Happy When You Could Be Normal? and Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit by Jeanette Winterson, Sharp Objects by Gillian Flynn, The Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson, On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous by Ocean Vuong, When I Grow Up I Want to Be a List of Further Possibilities by Chen Chen, Rien ne s’oppose à la nuit/Nothing Holds Back the Night by Delphine de Vigan

[llawli-yeet]

Thank you. Since early October, my grandma was in and out of the hospital around three times because of infections caused by her cancer. I don't remember if I mentioned it before, but she was diagnosed with stage four lung and thyroid cancer last March. She's doing better and she's on radiation treatment now, but things were looking insanely rough for her less than a month ago. The treatment she's on now is the last thing her team can do for her. After that, hospice is her only option. Suffice to say, things were hectic for the holidays. I didn't have much time for anything, let alone my own hobbies, so I'm just now getting back to them. On a more positive note, February has been quite nice. I got to visit my favorite ramen shop for valentine's day and my area had some lovely sunshine after the blizzard we got a few days ago. I made some progress on my book list for this year and I'm gonna start a new book tomorrow. I'm finally back at my writing as well. It was a lot of fun writing a short companion piece for a good friend of mine's story.

It's good to hear you've been keeping well. Any interesting stories lately? Although I completely understand if any good ones are a bit sensitive, given the task force and all. Has Watari made commentary on your dessert posts before? -Andy

Hello, Andy.

I am very sorry to hear about your grandmother. That must be very stressful. I hope that the current treatment will be successful. I have never had to deal with losing a loved one, however, people that I have worked closely with have died. I would not want to diminish your pain by going into my own experiences, as I am certain that I could not understand what it would be like to lose a member of your family. I am sorry that it's been a difficult few months. You may always come to me if you have any updates.

I'm glad that February has been a bit better, though certainly cold, haha. It is good that you're keeping up with reading and engaging with writing. I understand that that is very important to you.

I'm afraid that I do not have anything terribly interesting to report on. Watari has been doing lots of baking. Today he made chocolate chip cookies and chocolate covered fruit. I always find that the fruit and chocolate balance each other out. He has also gotten me hooked on these ice cream cones with filling inside. They are quite good. This week I will be trying the cookies and cream flavor for the first time.

Watari generally leaves the running of this blog to myself. Occasionally, I will share recipes from it with him. He is much more knowledgeable than I am as a baker, so I can imagine that his commentary on desserts would be more from a baker's standpoint rather than a dessert-lover.

Thank you again for reaching out. It is lovely to hear from you.

[potionsprefect]

One Birthday Wish

Ethan Ramsey x Victoria Clarke

Word count: 3.9k

Rating: Teen

Summary: It’s Victoria’s birthday but she’s not as happy as she should be

Category: angst (ish) fluff

Warnings: none (just mild language near the beginning)

“So how was the conference? I bet you loved sitting in board meetings every day.”

“I wish I was anywhere else. I used to look forward to them when I first joined the Diagnostics team but now I loathe them. Don’t dream big otherwise you’ll end up hating what you do.” Ethan laughed.

“At least they’re over now. You can come back to me. The right hand side of the bed has been very cold without you.” Victoria smiled.

Ethan suddenly went silent and Victoria’s heart suddenly sank. “Yeah about that...”

“Ethan? What is it?”

“The organisers want another conference in order to push this deal forward. They said it’s vital that there are no mistakes. I don’t know how long it will last or when I’ll be able to fly back home.” Ethan sighed.

“So you won’t be back in time for my birthday?” Victoria said her voice cracking a little.

“I don’t think so. I’m so sorry sweetheart. If there was anything I could do, I would.”

“It’s ok. I understand.”

“Vic...”

“No it’s ok Ethan, really I do. It just sucks.” Victoria sighed.

“I’ll make it up to you. I promise.” Ethan smiled even though she couldn’t see it.

“I know you will.” Victoria smiled back.

Victoria decided to end the call after that, not wanting to break down in front of Ethan because she knew he would feel helpless. She could feel hot tears rolling down her cheeks as she tried to compose herself.

Ethan had been in Washington D.C for a medical conference on behalf of the Diagnostic team and Edenbrook who were trying to push a deal through with a top pharma executive company on some new drugs for cancer patients. The conference was only meant to last a week and Ethan was meant to fly home tomorrow but now he was stuck there indefinitely. Victoria’s birthday was in two days time and it now looked like Ethan wasn’t going to be back to spend it with her.

Victoria’s eyes gazed towards the boxes that were sat on the other side of her room. They were birthday presents from her family and friends back home and it was just another reminder that Ethan wouldn’t be with her to watch her open them.

Victoria laid down on her bed and cried herself to sleep. She tried to hold the tears back as much as she could but they were freely flowing down her cheeks now. There was no stopping them.

All she wanted was Ethan by her side for her birthday. And that was the one wish she wasn’t able to make come true.

— — — — — — — — — —

17th February 2:17am

Sienna Trinh snuck out of her bedroom with a bag in hand, careful not to make a sound. Her other roommates, bar one should be joining her any minute. She carefully laid out four wrapped presents by the window. She heard the door to one of the bedrooms creak open and she whipped her head round hoping that the one person who didn’t know what was going on hadn’t just walked out of their bedroom.

She breathed a sigh of relief when it was only Jackie. “God Jackie you nearly gave me a heart attack!” Sienna whispered.

“Calm down Sienna. I don’t know why you’ve made us get up this early. We could’ve had at least an extra hour or two.” Jackie rubbed her eyes.

“Everything has to be perfect for Victoria! And we all agreed to set up early!” Sienna rolled her eyes.

“Yeah I seconded that if you remember. I voted for 4am.” Jackie sat on the sofa.

“I don’t know why I agreed to this time. I’ve barely slept.” Aurora said sleepily as Elijah followed behind her.

“You should’ve followed my lead and voted for a 4am start.” Jackie smirked.

“I’m wishing I did.” Elijah sighed.

“Guys this is important! We need Victoria’s birthday to be perfect! Ethan left us strict instructions whilst he sorts out her last present.” Sienna shushed them.

“She still thinks he’s stuck in D.C?” Aurora asked.

“Yes so we need to take her mind off that!”

“Well as long as he doesn’t end up being spotted by Victoria, I’m sure we’ll be fine.” Jackie replied.

The four roommates set up the living room with their presents. Just as they had laid out the last gift, Sienna’s phone buzzed.

“Great! Bryce, Raf and Kyra are here.” Sienna grinned walking over to the apartment door and opening it slowly.

“About time, it’s so cold outside.” Bryce shivered walking into the apartment.

“Keep your voice down! Victoria is asleep!” Sienna shushed him.

“Yeah no shit. It’s the middle of the night.” Bryce rolled his eyes.

“Where do you need us Sienna?” Rafael asked.

“Lay your gifts next to ours and the food can go on the counter next to the cookies I’ve made. I’ll help Kyra with the balloons.”

For the next 20 minutes the group sorted out the last few bits ready for the morning. The apartment was looking very pink, the colour being Victoria’s favourite. There were balloons hanging from the ceiling, and some standing up by the presents, a big happy birthday banner was hanging up by the kitchen counter and there was a ton of food on the counter ready to be consumed. Sienna had made Victoria a cake and her favourite cookies, whilst Rafael’s grandmother had made enough food for everyone to eat for at least three days.

“Is that it?” Kyra asked admiring her handy work.

“There’s one more thing.” Sienna headed to her room and returned with a massive sign that read “HAPPY BIRTHDAY VICTORIA” in bright white letters against a pink back drop with small pink balloons attached to it.

“Blimey Sienna how long have you been planning this.” Bryce laughed.

“Not long. It’s easy when you have a great crew.” Sienna smiled.

“That looks heavy. How did you manage to get it up here?” Jackie raised an eyebrow.

“She didn’t. I did.” Rafael said.

“Yeah and I paid you ten bucks for your help so don’t complain.” Sienna laughed.

“So why did Ramsey tell her he was stuck in D.C?” Bryce asked as the group retreated to the sofas.

“He just told us that he has something to sort for Victoria and felt telling her that he was still in D.C would make her less suspicious.” Elijah shrugged.

“And it definitely did. I heard her crying the other night.” Jackie sighed.

“Just what on earth is he planning?” Kyra asked.

“I don’t know but whatever it is, it better be big and make her cry happy tears rather than sad tears.” Sienna replied.

The group dispersed into their own rooms for the night, Bryce and Rafael with Elijah and Kyra with Jackie. They knew they had to be awake before Victoria.

“I hope she likes it.” Sienna murmured.

“Sienna don’t be silly! She’s going to love it. This is just the pick me up she needs.” Aurora smiled.

“You’re right. She’s going to love it.” Sienna said retreating to her bedroom and setting her alarm for the morning.

— — — — — — — — — —

4:37am

The laptop screen was giving him a headache but he needed to get this done before sunlight. He checked multiple tabs keeping an eye on all of them, seeing what deal was the best.

Ethan hated telling her that he wouldn’t see her on her birthday but it was the only way he could get this done without her noticing. It was anything but the truth as he had returned from D.C two days ago and the night he called her to tell her the news, he was sat in his apartment.

Ethan already had her presents in his apartment, all neatly wrapped up on his kitchen counter. This was just an extra treat for her, something he knew she’d enjoy. But finding flights was a lot more difficult than he anticipated.

He had already authorised the time off with Naveen and told him not to mention it to her. He could practically see him smiling down the phone.

He wasn’t sure why he had so many tabs open. It wasn’t like he couldn’t afford flying first class but trips to Crete in July were highly popular.

The plan today was he would surprise her at the end of her shift outside her apartment and then he’d bring her back here for a meal and other activities. He knew he’d have to apologise for keeping her in the dark but he knew it would all be worth it.

Ethan looked through one deal that caught his eye and he knew he had to go for it. If he wasted anymore time he’d lose the deals altogether. He proceeded with the booking, a smile on his face when it was complete.

Ever since that fateful night with the maitotoxin, Ethan had made it his mission to treat her as often as he could. She had talked about not travelling enough, dedicating her focus to her career more and how she wished she had taken more time to see the world. Ethan promised her he would help her fulfil her wishes when she recovered.

Pleased with himself, he shut his laptop lid and headed to the bed to try and get a few hours sleep.

15 hours. Just 15 hours Ethan until you can hold her in your arms and never let her go. Ethan thought as he drifted off to sleep.

— — — — — — — — — —

6:14am

Victoria’s alarm woke her up and she sat up rubbing her eyes. Before she could even think about getting dressed there was a knock at her door and Sienna came in with a wide smile.

“Happy birthday!” Sienna beamed sitting on the bed and giving Victoria a hug.

“Thanks Si.” Victoria smiled a little.

“Are you ok? I know how upset you were when Ethan told you he wouldn’t be back in time.” Sienna gave her a sympathetic look.

“Yeah I’m ok. It is what it is. And besides I’ve got you and everyone else to keep me company.”

“Exactly! Now come with me. We’ve got a surprise for you.” Sienna said pulling Victoria up and covering her eyes with her hands.

Victoria walked slowly out of her room, Sienna’s hands not moving from her eyes. She knew she was in the living room because she was walking on hard floor compared to the carpet of her bedroom. Sienna removed her hands and Victoria opened her eyes.

“Surprise!” Jackie, Elijah, Aurora, Bryce, Rafael and Kyra cheered when she opened her eyes.

Victoria suddenly felt emotional. There were balloons and presents in the living room and a big sign that said happy birthday on it.

“You guys! You didn’t have to do all this.” Victoria smiled sitting down on the sofa.

“Yes we did it’s your birthday! We know you were upset when Ethan said he wouldn’t be back so we thought we’d surprise you.” Bryce said hugging Victoria.

“When did you do all this? The living room didn’t look like this last night.”

“We set this up early this morning. We had to be quiet so we wouldn’t wake you.” Bryce glared at Sienna who just shrugged.

“And by this morning we mean 2am.” Jackie rubbed her eyes.

“This is the best birthday ever. Thank you” Victoria smiled.

“Are you going to open your presents?” Aurora asked.

“I might wait until Ethan’s back. Whenever that is.” Victoria sighed.

“It won’t be long. He’d never stay away from you for long. He tried in our intern year and he couldn’t do it!” Elijah laughed.

“There is one present you could open.” Sienna said reaching for one in the pile and handing it to Victoria. “This is from all of us.”

Victoria opened the present carefully to reveal a photo album. As she opened it, her smile grew bigger as she saw pictures that dated back to their intern year.

“Do you like it?” Sienna asked.

“Seriously Sienna? I’ve never seen Victoria cry over a present before.” Kyra laughed.

“I love it! Thank you so much.” Victoria said looking at the pictures.

“I told you it was a good present idea.” Rafael said.

“Yes yes it was better than a BattleStar Galatica t shirt.” Elijah laughed.

“Or a coupon to an all you can eat sushi buffet.” Jackie said.

“Or packs of-“

“No Kyra!”

Victoria laughed at her friends. Knowing they all had shifts in less than an hour they all headed back to their rooms to get ready for the day. Sienna stayed behind, texting someone on her phone.

“Who are you texting?” Victoria asked.

“No one! Now are you sure about working today. Naveen did say you could have today off.” Sienna replied cheeks blushing a little.

Victoria gave her a puzzled look but didn’t press further. “Yes I’m sure. It’ll take my mind off of Ethan not being here.” Victoria said standing up and heading to her room to get ready. Making sure she was out of sight, Sienna fired off her last message before she headed to her room to get ready for her shift.

— — — — — — — — — —

Victoria was only three hours into her shift and she had already dealt with four P.I.T.A’s. We’re the P.I.T.A Gods punishing her today?

As she headed out the lab door after delivering her blood sample her pager went off.

Admin desk, delivery.

Confused, Victoria headed to the admin desk where she saw her roommates stood around a large box.

“What’s this?” Victoria asked as she approached them.

“No idea! It’s got your name on it.” Elijah grinned gesturing to the open.

Victoria unsealed the box and pulled out what was inside. It was at least a dozen red roses.

“Wow Victoria! Who bought you those?” Sarah, one of the nurses noticed the bright red roses on the counter. It appeared the interns had noticed as well as they were staring.

“There’s a note there.” Sienna said handing it to her. Victoria took it and opened it.

Hope these brighten up your day like how you brighten up mine.

Happy birthday. I love you.

E x

Victoria didn’t notice her eyes glisten with tears as she read the note over and over again.

“Well I wonder who sent these. I’d never thought I’d see Victoria cry in the workplace.” Jackie laughed giving Victoria a one armed hug.

“It’s my birthday so make an exception.” Victoria said wiping her eyes.

“Would you like me to drop this back at the apartment for you?” Jackie asked.

“Are you due a break?”

“I’ve dealt with two P.I.T.A’s so far this morning. I think I’ve earned a break. I’ll only be 20 minutes.” Jackie smiled.

“That would be great thank you.” Victoria smiled.

“No problem.” Jackie said taking the box of roses and heading out towards the hospital car park.

“You ok?” Sienna asked standing next to Victoria.

“Yeah I’m fine. They were a nice surprise.” Victoria said grabbing a chart and heading off down the hall.

Once she was out of sight, Sienna whipped out her phone and fired off a quick text before she headed back to her patients.

— — — — — — — — — —

Victoria was lost in her thoughts in the cafeteria when her phone buzzing in her pocket pulled her out of her thoughts.

Her heart swelled at the text. Deciding to chance it, she called him, crossing her fingers that he wasn’t in a conference meeting. She wasn’t expecting him to pick up but he did.

“Hello birthday girl.” Ethan said when he answered.

“I took a chance ringing you. I thought you’d be in a conference.” Victoria smiled.

“We’re on a 20 minute break.” Ethan replied.

“Well that’s good. How is it?” Victoria asked.

“Boring as usual. It would be better if you were here.” Ethan replied.

“If only. Those roses really cheered me up so thank you.”

“You deserve to be happy on your birthday. I just wish I could be there with you.”

“Me too. I miss you.” Victoria said a tinge of sadness in her voice.

“I miss you too. I’ll be back soon I promise. And when I am, I’m locking you in my apartment for the foreseeable.” Ethan teased.

“Careful Dr Ramsey, someone might hear you.” Victoria grinned.

“Let them.” Ethan grinned. “I’ve got to go now but I’ll call you later, let me know when your shift ends.”

“Ok I will do. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

When the call ended, Victoria headed back to her patients. She missed Ethan terribly but knew he would be home soon. She couldn’t wait to see him again.

Little did she know Jackie and Ethan were preparing his apartment for her arrival.

— — — — — — — — — —

Hours later Victoria headed out of the hospital and onto the train with her roommates.

“Did you not bring your car back Jackie?” Victoria asked.

“No I decided to walk. It’s not far and I needed the exercise.” Jackie shrugged.

The journey on the train went fairly quickly and soon they were walking down the road to their apartment. Sienna however was texting.

“You’ve been on your phone a lot today. Who are you texting?” Victoria asked. Behind her Aurora, Elijah and Jackie shot her a worried look but Sienna was as cool as a cucumber.

“No one. Just family. They want to know if they can visit at some point so we’re organising dates.” Sienna shrugged.

The group made it outside the apartment door when Sienna stepped in front of Victoria so her back was to the road.

“Before we go in I just wanted to know if you’ve had a good day. I know you’ve dealt with a few P.I.T.A’s today and I specifically told Zaid not to give you any tough cases.” Sienna said.

“I’m ok Sienna. I know you care about me and it’s really sweet. I’m really lucky to have you guys. You’ve made today bearable.” Victoria smiled.

“Well that’s good because we’ve got one last surprise for you.” Aurora smiled.

“Is it a sushi coupon?” Victoria grinned.

“No but that was one of my suggestions for the picture book. It’s something even better.” Jackie laughed.

“What could possibly be better than sushi at a low price?”

“Hopefully this.” Sienna said gesturing behind her.

Victoria turned round and her knees nearly buckled. No. No it couldn’t be.

There stood next to his car was the person who has told her two nights ago he wouldn’t be back for her birthday. All those feelings of being heartbroken and upset had evaporated the minute she saw him. Victoria could feel tears rolling down her cheeks as she ran down the steps and jumped into his arms. He held her tightly against him, kissing the side of her face, tears glistening in his eyes as well.

“Happy birthday Vic.” Ethan whispered pulling her in for a kiss.

Victoria eagerly kissed him back hugging him tighter. Her roommates smiled at the scene and then headed into the building, giving the couple much needed privacy.

“I thought you were still in D.C.” Victoria said through tears.

“I’ll explain everything back at my apartment.” Ethan said taking her hand and leading her towards the passenger side of his car.

Victoria climbed into the car and the journey to Ethan’s apartment was quick. Soon, they were walking through his apartment door.

“What’s this?” Victoria asked looking at the presents in his living room. “I thought they were the present in my apartment this morning.”

Ethan chuckled bringing her closer to him, running a hand through her hair. “They are. Dr Varma brought them over this afternoon.”

“I thought she was just taking the roses back.”

“She was but she grabbed the other presents and brought them round here. I thought you might like to open them here.” Ethan smiled.

“Speaking of here I need an explanation.” Victoria pretended to glare but her happiness broke through.

“And I’ll give you one. After I’ve given you something else.” Ethan grinned sliding his hands down her thighs and lifted her up. He’s sure he never moved to his bedroom so fast in his life as he threw Victoria onto his bed and proceeded to give her an evening she’d never forget.

— — — — — — — — — —

Four rounds later Victoria stirred and opened her eyes. Ethan was propped up on one elbow watching her with such content.

“That was incredible.” Ethan grinned.

“Indeed it was. Well worth the wait.” Victoria said turning to face him as he stroked her cheek with his thumb.

“Now I believe I owe you an explanation.” Ethan chuckled.

“Yes you do! I thought you were in D.C.” Victoria replied.

“The night I called you I was actually here. I had arrived back earlier that afternoon and was planning a surprise for you. I couldn’t do it with you here because I knew you’d catch me out, so I decided to tell you I was still in D.C. I know it was bad and I’m sorry if I upset you.” Ethan explained.

“Oh Ethan you could never upset me. I was just upset at the fact you wouldn’t be here. It wasn’t your fault I promise.” Victoria said hugging Ethan tightly. For the fourth time that day, Victoria felt tears rolling down her cheeks.

“I could hear how upset you were when I told you so I organised the flowers to be sent to you at work to cheer you up.” Ethan smiled.

“They definitely did, they were beautiful.”

“Now would you like your surprise?”

“Yes please!”

Ethan laughed as he reached over to his nightstand and pulled out an envelope and a Tiffany and Co bag. Victoria looked inside the bag and opened the box up to find a small necklace with two love hearts on it.

“Oh Ethan it’s beautiful.” Victoria said.

“Just like you.” Ethan said pressing a kiss to Victoria’s forehead.

“What’s in the envelope?”

“Open it and you’ll find out.” Ethan chuckled.

Victoria opened the envelope and gasped when she saw two first class plane tickets to Crete.

“You’ve been working so hard lately and I thought you deserved a break. So this is a treat for you in the summer. Also, this is holiday one of the many you’re going to experience in the future. I’m making it my mission to help you see the world as much as you can. Starting with Crete in July.” Ethan replied.

Victoria was speechless. She didn’t know if she could love Ethan any more than she already did. She wrapped her arms around him pulling him into a tight hug, kissing every inch of him she could reach when she pulled back to face him.

“Thank you. I love you.” Victoria smiled stroking his cheeks with her thumbs.

“I love you too.” Ethan smiled leaning in to kiss her deeply.

Victoria smiled into the kiss. She wasn’t sure if this was going to be a great birthday but it turns out this was the best birthday she’d ever had. Her one birthday wish has come true. And she couldn’t wait to experience many more with Ethan by her side.

— — —

A/N: I’ve written two fics in one day! Go me! I hope I find someone who loves me as much as Ethan and Victoria’s friends love her. Hope you enjoy this!