#... of his battles are to grant freedom to others and that's how he justifies his battles BUT at the end of the day would rather...

[heroes-rise-again]

(edit: some of my tags were remooved after I hit post so to summarize the missing tags: I rambled more and was sick more and ended up just wanting people to enjoy the iteration and reiteration of Sonc Honk and his Fronds and the world and story they live in)

sonic character analysis is like fighting over which spiderman is the objectively correct one. sonics is superheroes in the way where everyone thinks they know their guy better than anyone else and we are all WRONG

[ilikekidsshows]

You're not wrong about the fandom being not safe for people who has trauma or abuse victim, I've seen times and times again that Adrien being obedient and have no dream is proof that he's a sentimonster. What about me the? Even as an adult I still don't know what I want to do, what I want to be, I obey whatever my parents want me to do, am I a sentimonster then? I'm not human enough because my mind has been indoctrinated since I was young to always obey them??

Adrien want to be anything Marinette's want is cute! Adrien almost cataclysm Kim for prank that he did to Marinette that happened years prior is so romantic! Adrien being Marinette' therapist is so cool! Adrien disregarding his own feeling for Marinette is cool! Marinette trying to keep Cat in the team even though she need to manipulate him into revealing his identity to someone else is clever! ...those are some among other things that keep me second guessed myself and I'm not even someone who would usually be critical when I watch something and it still feels wrong. But the fandom keep telling me, the end justify the means. Marinette is care for Adrien so it's ok as long as he didn't know.

Do you think Marinette properly utilizes girl power when she treats Cat Noir as less than a person? The showrunners and the people supporting them sure do.

No, I dont. For me girl power is about "Girls can be a hero just like boys do" it's not about girls is better than boys and boys should just do whatever the girls want them to do like the show trying to say.

I grow up watching a lot of magical girl show and none of them actually ever treat the love interest as less than a person. The love interest grow along with those girls, they're never treated as less than those girls.

To be honest, the reason why I decided to watch Miraculous is because it has similar element with anime that I love, Shugo Chara.

>small fae like being that grant theim power to transform

>traumatized cat boy with his step father being the villain and also the love interest

>the "choosen one" girl

The fact that the PV make it seems like Cat Noir is an anti hero or morally grey character which is sounds like Shugo Chara cat boy, Ikuto, sold me to this show. I don't follow the update of the show, so when I watched it in the middle of s3 I thought the plot for Cat Noir is still the same but after I binge watching from season 1, I find that I don't mind the change from the PV Cat noir to Adrien since it still intrigue me. S2 is pretty hard to watch since that's when the secrets started. But like the fandom said "it will get better" and you know, I believe it. S3 come and... It become harder but surely now Ladybug become Guardian she'll let Cat in, right? It's not happen, it's never happen and s4 just frustrated me to no end and I stopped watching then, only following the course through some people review because I still hope something will get better. It's not.

I was hoping Adrien will get similar ending with Ikuto in Shugo Chara, that he got to confront the people who hurt him and fight along with others because that's how it should be right? Ikuto's stepfather is the villain, he used and even later brainwashed Ikuto to do villainy thing (even worse than what he did at the start) and he deserve to confront the man and fight for his freedom, which he did and he get the freedom that he want.

But what I saw from other review is not even close with what I imagined. Instead he was absent from the final battle and not even know that his father was the villain all along, worse because Ladybug said his father is a hero who help her fight the big bad and I couldn't help but to think just what the fuck is this show doing. (Sorry for language) And fandom actually praise Marinette action because? Apparently it's so selfless of her to be the matyr for someone she loves, it's romantic, it's cute and that it. I'm glad I don't watch s5 because if Kuro neko already make my anxiety skyrocketed, I don't know if I'm still sane after watching s5.

I don't think miraculous is all about girl power or the power of love is so strong. It's all about girl in power with the boy is... just the boy.

M sorry for the long post and the rant. This will be my last ask, I promise! Once again, thank you for all the validation and answer you provide me. Youre really a saviour for my mental health! Please take care.

~anon who got frustrated about Ladybug line in Kuro neko but is now enlightened and feel better than ever.

Thank you for sharing, Anon. And no worries about the cussing, I do it plenty.

Miraculous' version of girl power is one where everyone else gets put down in favor of elevating the wish fulfilment protagonist. It's the most prominent with Adrien, since he is supposed to be, according to merch, promotional materials, the show's title and the setting's structure, a main character, but everyone else is useless as well outside of supporting Marinette in doing the most important part of any battle. And she's also the only one to ever get any praise for saving the day.

Anime in general seems to do this sort of thing better than Miraculous (I think any show I've seen that does something Miraculous does has done it better). In Sailor Moon, the love interest Tuxedo Mask mostly provides Sailor Moon emotional support and distracts the enemy so that she can pick herself up and lauch a purifying attack. He is clearly playing second fiddle in combat. But, Mamoru is allowed to have aspirations outside of pleasing Usagi. He's even allowed to criticize Usagi when she does something wrong instead of the show going all "how dare you, a man, have emotions and opinions that don't comply with our female protagonist's desires!" Also, Usagi actually vocally appreciates Tuxedo Mask's help, he never has to question whether or not she does, and Usagi doesn't alone get all the glory. There's no Sailor Moon episode where Santa Claus himself declares Usagi the "nicest child in the world".

I've said this before, but it bears repeating: even the notoriously sexist battle shounen genre is more respectful of its love interest characters than Miraculous is of Adrien. They have a lot of agency in the romances, often even being the party that actively pursues a romantic relationship with the lead. And those shows don't go "how dare you only like this one part of the hero, you should like this part instead" on the love interest before they let the couples get together.

[vinceleemiller]

Stand or Yield: Making Tough Choices in Conflict | Galatians 2:5-6

To them we did not yield in submission even for a moment, so that the truth of the gospel might be preserved for you. And from those who seemed to be influential (what they were makes no difference to me; God shows no partiality)—those, I say, who seemed influential added nothing to me. — Galatians 2:5-6

CALL OUT: Call out today to 8 Men Baptized in Big Sandy, MN. I am excited about your big step to proclaim your new life in Christ.

In conflict, we have choices, don't we?

There is that moment of pause where we have the option to confront or dismiss.

For example, I can recount many moments in "discussions" with my wife when I have a split second to decide whether I confront a particular issue or let it go. The issue is discerning which battle to fight and how vigorously I want to fight it. Have you been here? Maybe you're in the middle of a moment just like this today.

This is the same decision Paul had to make regarding this issue. He had to make a choice. Was he going to dismiss the issue and build stronger alliances and allegiances with the influential leaders in the Jerusalem church and the originating apostles? Or was the matter at hand worth confronting and critical to stand against?

In this case, Paul weighed the options. He weighed the threat's level, the message's value, and the importance of spiritual freedom for believers and decided that it was worth the fight and even his reputation. Therefore, he went all in.

But Paul never perceived the vigor with which he would oppose the false teachers as a move to win an argument for himself. He knew what he believed and understood the Gospel message was justified by Christ and received by faith and not other addition to this Gospel. Yet he was going to fight vigorously for the faith and freedom of others because he understood that one wrong theological move would precipitate another until, one day, the Gospel was no longer the Gospel at all.

In life, we will often face similar dilemmas:

Ethical Dilemmas: Do we confront an ethical issue or overlook it? Conflict Dilemmas: Do we address the deeper issues or let them go? Injustice Dilemmas: Do we speak up to protect the rights of another, or do we take a pass? Authority Dilemmas: Do we challenge the actions of authorities whose policies and procedures conflict with our own?

It's tough to know what to do sometimes, but if you have assessed the threat, the value of the message, prioritized freedom, and are willing to risk your reputation, then it's much easier to know when it's time to take a stand.

#ConflictResolution #StandFirm #CourageousChoices #FaithfulDecisions #EthicalDilemmas

ASK THIS:

Reflecting on your own experiences, recall a time when you had to decide whether to confront a difficult situation or let it go. How did you approach that decision, and what were the outcomes?

Consider a current conflict or ethical dilemma you're facing. How can the principles discussed in this devotional guide your decision-making process? What steps can you take to ensure that your response aligns with your values and priorities?

DO THIS: Assess, value, prioritize, and risk it.

PRAY THIS: God, grant me the wisdom to discern when to stand firm in confronting conflicts and when to extend grace in letting them go, all while prioritizing the values of truth, justice, and love in my actions. Amen.

PLAY THIS: I Will Trust You.

Check out this episode!

[sairenharia]

Sentimonster Adrien Theory 2

Spoilers for all of Season 4 as of 8/31/21

For my previous thoughts, and the validity of at least SOMEONE on the cast being a Sentimonster, refer to: Here

As a note, my previous theory was written after Ladybug and BEFORE Chat Blanc, and Felix. I will be retreading ground for Adrien specifically, but basic belief in there being a sentimonster is there.

Something I just want to say, I don’t think Adrien being a Sentimonster negates the abuse Gabriel inflicted on him. What it does is explain why GABRIEL is able to justify it, but seeing where someone is coming from does not excuse them of their actions. Gabriel has to repent. The fact is Adrien is a person even if Senti!Adrien is true, and that doesn’t change just because he’s not human. Treating someone who can think and feel cruelly is never a good thing.

That being said, evidence and why I think Adrien really might not be human.

A: The Wish

We know Emilie is in the basement. She is in some kind of stasis. We know the Wish involves her.

We do not know Gabriel’s wish. We very deliberately do not know Gabriel’s wish, because we, the audience, hear him talk about it a lot, but only in vague terms. He wants his wish, he wants to change time, he wants to achieve a goal.

But he’s never said he wants to wake Emilie up, fix her, bring her back. He wants to do something for her sake, but its not the most obvious thing.

So its NOT the most obvious thing. There is no reason to be vague about this unless its to elude to a deeper meaning. The obvious wish is too obvious to be obtuse.

And more importantly, we know Emilie and Gabriel wanted something fifteen years ago thanks to the Shanghai special. Something to do with the human virtues, potentially.

We know Marinette is fourteen now. So Adrien’s birthday in Bubbler was his fourteenth birthday. 

The want for something started around the time Adrien should have been conceived.

B: Ask for Forgiveness, not Permission.

Adrien doesn’t like to ask his father for things. We see this over and over again with him sneaking out to things like the Startrain, or say he’s going to fencing with Kagami, and other excuses. Sometimes he does try to do things in the straight forward way, but when there are things he really wants to go to, things he doesn’t want to have to accept a no, he sneaks out.

Like the class trip. Like going to see his mother’s movie.

And when Adrien is told directly ‘no,’ he will often listen. For Adrien. Chat Noir, however, is a different entity, and he often uses it for a reason for why he can go out. Chat can, Adrien can’t.

To date, the only time Adrien has gone against a direct order from Gabriel is in regards to going to school.

And Chat Blanc.

I’ll get to Chat Blanc.

Adrien was told he could not attend school, and he accepted that. Until he became Chat Noir and only then did he rebel. Interestingly, when he was pulled from school after the book incident, he didn’t plan to just run away again. We know he was willing to disobey to attend, so why did the ban take this time?

Perhaps because Gabriel made it a thing that was allowed. It wasn’t an outright rebellion, it was a thing earned and then lost.

C: What Is The Amok?

Its the rings.

Not ring.

Its BOTH RINGS.

Which may or may not be magic items in of themselves, but there is not enough information for that.

When Gabriel transforms, there is a distinctive beep. When we first see the basement, we hear that beep again. We we see the rings in Felix, we hear that beep yet again. This beep is a sound cue of significance in regards to Gabriel and Emilie.

And here is the thing. If Adrien is a Sentimonster, he’s meant to be their child. Which comes into some questionable things, ethically speaking, for his free will. They don’t want Adrien to know he’s a Sentimonster. They could tell him to always hold onto his Amok, but he’s the son of very wealthy people. Even without being a model, there is every chance his Amok could be stolen because he’d be a target for theft.

But just having the Amok sitting somewhere is dangerous.

And what if it gets broken?

The only way to keep Adrien’s Amok safe is for one of his parents to have it....or both.

Crocoduel has shown us an item can be Akumatized and taken apart at the moment of enchantment and exist as two separate things. And a bonus, the item has to be put together and THEN broken to break the magic.

And here are the twin rings that are perfect copies of each other and get clean together really nice and maybe they attach a little bit? Having two rings stay together that well while cleaning is quite the party trick if there isn’t something to that. But visually speaking, it tells us, the audience, these are two halves of the same whole.

And it allows a little bit in the form of free will. Because if someone does not possess BOTH rings, they cannot control Adrien completely. Its still incredibly hard for Adrien to resist, but he IS capable of disagreeing at the very least.

Of course, when combined with the home atmosphere, his ability to resist doesn’t account for much without extreme circumstances, but still.

We can see this with Sentibubbler. The moment Ladybug had the coffee cup, he changed tracks without a sign of hesitation or confusion. Because he just had the one item. Even though Ladybug was ordering him with more autonomy then Shadow Moth. (I will also get into that.)

This is also why in Felix, Gabriel immediately goes to retrieve Emilie’s ring to wear. Sure, accusing Felix of stealing the ring gets into a whole legal lawsuit that makes it complicated and would make it difficult to retrieve the ring. Its a whole hassle, but it doesn’t explain why he needs to wear Emilie’s ring.

Except Felix has the ring that is one half of Adrien’s Amok.

Gabriel HAS to wear the ring, because Emilie cannot influence Adrien in any way, but Felix can. Gabriel has to balance out whatever Felix may do to Adrien, so he takes his wife ring. And its why he can’t get into the legal battle because he has to wear the ring to protect ADRIEN, and if they see him with the ring, there will be questions he can’t answer.

This also may explain Gabriel seems even more harsh to Adrien after Emilie’s disappearance despite some oddities.

Adrien wasn’t allowed to go to school while Emilie was around. But Gabriel granted it. When Adrien wants for things he wasn’t allowed before and is willing to fight for it, Gabriel grants it.

I don’t think Gabriel’s authoritative nature has truly changed that much. I think what changed was Adrien’s PERSPECTIVE of it. Because before, Emilie was a constant counter to his need to obey. Now he doesn’t have that, so being told what to do feels more absolute. I think the thing that truly changed was how much time and affection Gabriel was willing to show Adrien in his pain, not how much he restricted him.

Which still ain’t great.

Though that is a thought. Maybe Gabriel avoids Adrien because he knows he’s a commanding sort and he’s trying to not do overly much. Which is why most of his time around Adrien is when he can critique him, because it gives him a focus for orders? It would be a twist.

D: What About Chat Blanc? Or rather, what about Plagg.

So I’ve heard people say Chat Blanc disproves this theory because that is certainly a time to command Adrien to obey with his Amok! Which true, except for two things.

One, the end of Felix has little reason to change in the new timeline. Adrien and Marinette dated for at least a little while which was shortly before Felix happened. Felix still visited.

What might have changed was what kind of terrorizing Felix did on Adrien.

What has no reason to change is Felix stealing the ring.

Which means Gabriel DIDN’T have the means to absolutely command Adrien to do anything, we only had half the Amok.

And the fact the Amok was in two pieces is why Chat Blanc didn’t destroy himself if Gabriel’s ring was still capable of being destroyed while he was transformed, and if London still got wrecked. We saw in Crocoduel the item has to be COMBINED and THEN destroyed. Destroying both at once doesn’t count.

And it would explain something in Chat Blanc.

We know the move he TRIED to do was kill himself. He engulfed himself in the power before it went out of control.

We also know, officially of Guilt Trip, that cataclysm DOESN’T KILL SENTIMONSTERS. It makes it so the Amok doesn’t control them, usually go crazy. We saw Chat Noir get Cataclysm’d in Miraculer, but he didn’t turn to ash. We don’t even know if he truly died. He was suffering, to be sure, and we see Sentimonsters take damage. He could have been damaged.

But Chat Blance is a Sentimonster AND an Akuma, so he was able to take the damage more and went absolutely off the rails instead, and instead of blaming Gabriel, like he should have...

He blamed Ladybug.

Because he was no longer connected to what gave Gabriel control over him. The only ‘control’ over himself he recognized was Ladybug’s influence and his own love.

And then there’s Plagg’s influence, which ties into Cataclysm. Sentimonsters cannot be killed by Plagg’s magic, but they can be FREED of control thanks to his magic. As I said in my first post, the one time we see Adrien disobey as direct order, its after he meets Plagg and goes to school. He uses Chat Noir as a means to disobey all the time.

In being bonded to Plagg, Adrien is given genuine free will and freedom, over the manufactured version that his parents made with a split Amok. He is able to decide things on his own, because he has the chaos magic that grants him the ability to SAY NO. To develop his own means of rebelling.

Ask for forgiveness over permission. And sometimes, learning to say no anyway.

This doesn’t change the conditioning Adrien has been through. He’s obedient to a fault because that is all he’s ever known. Its just instead of fear and gaslighting having trained this into him, it was magic. His parents never NEEDED to be cruel, Emilie COULD be as kind as Adrien says, because they never needed to use negative reinforcement on him.

They had magic.

And that was able to do the job just as well.

Plagg is able to naturally counter the magic. And he’s giving Adrien the unconditional love and support to help him learn, but Adrien is still a person, still has a personality. And the mental bars he has around his head are just as effective as the magic ones were.

E. Shadow Moth vs Mayura

There is something I’ve noticed between how Shadow Moth and Mayura operate.

Mayura made Sentmonsters for others, but she did make one for herself: Ladybug. But here is the thing about Sentibug, she gave her orders. Gave her a general guideline. And then she let Sentibug take those orders and just go.

Shadow Moth, when he makes an Amok, does not do this. He allows others to control Sentimonsters as they will, and often Sentimonsters are just given general guidelines, but not Shadow Moth’s Sentimonsters. Sentibubbler, SentiNino, SentiAlec are Sentimonsters Shadow Moth made.

And he didn’t give them orders. He didn’t give them guidelines.

They were Literal Puppets.

He controlled their movements. He SPOKE THEIR WORDS FOR THEM.

Out of all the Sentimonsters, Gabriel is literally the only one who has used his Sentimonster this way.

And I think there’s a good reason for it. I don’t think Gabriel is capable of making an entity that can act on its own, but is still a complete slave to his will and be okay with it.

Because what does that say about Adrien?

Akumas are fine because those are PEOPLE. People he manipulated and coerced, people he threatened, but they are still people. They can still refuse him and he knows it.

Puppets are find because that’s all they are, puppets.

But this middle ground that Sentimonsters are, that is what Adrien is. And Gabriel is unable to cope with that because it means seeing his son as a tool and despite how much of a genuinely terrible person Gabriel is, that is not something he’s willing to see in himself.

So he hyper controls the Sentimonsters and Does Not Think About It.

F. Wishmaker.

Listen, its valid to have a wish as a child to be what your parents wanted to be. Depending on parents, it could be a perfectly healthy wish.

Here’s the thing.

Everytime Wishmaker granted a wish, we saw people at the age they wanted that wish granted. They were children when they had this wish.

ADRIEN WAS AN INFANT.

And here’s the thing.

Infants don’t think of others. Infants are a bundle of vulnerability that is very curious about the world and don’t want to die and is trying to figure out how to make its wants known. Infants are selfish beings because they are just trying to survive in this world they’ve shown up in.

An infant doesn’t think about what its parents want.

Adrien should not have been CAPABLE of having that wish as an INFANT.

Not unless he wasn’t human.

A Sentimonster sure does want to do what its Amok holder wants.

And what his parents wanted was a son. What they wanted was Adrien.

So that’s why Adrien appears as Adrien for the wish, because for all he has doubts, the Sentimonster in him knows that is what they wanted.

F2. Gabriel and Emilie’s eyes.

....idk, fam. The fact their eye colors were switched FEELS important and we’ve supposedly seen Emilie at seventeen with green eyes and her sister has green eyes, so what’s up with that is wei-

F2. GABRIEL AND EMILIE’S EYES, A THOUGHT I LITERALLY HAD RIGHT NOW.

The Amok is both rings. Gabriel and Emilie have their own rings. The rings they have always worn as their own.

Felix, with green eyes, has Gabriel’s ring.

Gabriel, with blue eyes, has Emilie’s ring.

The reason the eyes are switched in Adrien’s memory is because he associates the eyes with the ring and the current holder of the specific ring have THOSE EYES. He knows the faces they SHOULD be, but the eyes are DIFFERENT because the holders are DIFFERENT.

G. Allergies.

Its still funny if a boy made out of a feather has a feather allergy. It may also be a defense mechanism put in. Logically, any peacock user will have feathers. Maybe he’s allergic in case they ever lose the peacock, he’ll avoid the holder while they’re transformed at least. Maybe it could even distract the holder from noticing anything off about him.

H. Obedience.

Adrien is obedient. Which is one of the reasons he’s a suspect Sentimonster. I won’t go into this because I already talked about his Permission versus Forgiveness thing.

I. Taking Charge

I talked about before about Adrien taking charge and struggling with it, but I also have another point about it.

The thing is, we see Adrien excel at second in command....but also when he’s Chat Noir.

Adrien did BADLY as Mister Bug and as Aspik. But the thing is, Plagg wasn’t there at the time. As Mister Bug, Plagg was with Marinette. As Aspik, the ring is in the weird pocket dimension things are bamf’d away and while Plagg is around, his power isn’t bonded to Adrien.

Adrien has proven able to figure out Ladybug’s plans with minimal instructions. The fact Mister Bug couldn’t even get to step one is weird.

He tried being Aspik for months and was unable to figure out what he needed to do, focused solely on the objective of protect Ladybug. Unable to step back and think beyond his goal. Three months is a long time to not come up with ANYTHING.

Its like Adrien’s ability to decide things on his own was compromised. Like his free will was stripped away, hindered by the rings that control him. He could try to focus on protecting Ladybug, but he couldn’t figure out a good way to take down the enemy on his own.

His father didn’t want him to.

We do see Adrien can lead well. When he wanted to talk to Juleka in Guilt Trip, HE was the one making the right decision. But he was unable to overtake Marinette’s charisma, so even if he could think of what to do, how to handle the situation, he doesn’t have the force of personality to overtake a true leader.

We see Chat Noir have plans and direct a crowd.

With Plagg granting him agency, he’s able to make good decisions, good calls, able to use that brain of his well. Its when he loses Plagg he struggles the most.

J. The Need To Be Useful

Adrien thinks he needs to be useful. He needs to be good and perfect. And yes, this is reinforced by Gabriel’s treatment of him, always criticizing him, but it is a kind of curious fear.

Adrien has two great fears.

The fear of trapped isolation and the fear of rejection.

The fear of trapped isolation is the one Gabriel has reinforced. Adrien has only shown a fear of his father rejecting him once, during Christmas, when he was frustrated in the idea Gabriel would not spend time with him, and even then, Adrien chose to make it a reality on his own first.

And its very likely Gabriel was affectionate when he was younger.

I think the fear of rejection from Gabriel is a newer one that Adrien is aware of. After Gabriel has refused to be around Adrien.

But I think the fear was ALWAYS there. Because he is an Sentimonster. If a Sentimonster isn’t useful, then they have no reason to exist. And the thing is, while Adrien fears this, there is also a strong part of him that is RESIGNED to it.

Which makes it even weirder in that Gabriel’s behavior should make this a NEWER fear...unless it was part of Adrien’s natural existence. One of a Sentimonster. He’s afraid of it, because he wants people, he loves people, but there is a part of him that just....accepts it as a natural consequence.

One that isn’t worth fighting.

Like he isn’t in season four right now.

K. Memories

Adrien couldn’t remember having childhood dreams. We know he used to play with Chloe and...that’s it. There’s even implication his modeling is a Newer Thing instead of being a child model.

We know he didn’t have a childhood dream. He never had a childhood wish. Which is weird because Adrien is the biggest romantic dreamer of the series save for ROSE. He never thought about being a charming knight, a magical girl, even just being a superhero? He was all on board with being a superhero when offered, like he’s thought about it a lot!

But it wasn’t something he called a childhood dream.

But you know who probably did have being a superhero as a childhood dream?

Chloe.

If Adrien has two Amoks to make a facsimile of free will, it may have been impossible for him to truly ‘dream’ in the sense Wishmaker was talking about. It was too deep of a want for him to truly conceptualize enough to count.

But he played games with Chloe, he still saw the wishes and dreams and fantasies that he could enjoy with her as a proxy.

Perhaps that is why they were such good friends. Chloe wanted things so fiercely that for Adrien, who struggled to want, he was able to figure out how to do it with her influence. Not enough for a childhood dream, but enough to know how to want enough that it gave him a love for people. A need for more in his life beyond the perfect son.

L. Emotions.

Adrien is the heart of the Ladybug and Chat Noir duo. The Peacock is the Miraculous of Emotions. Adrien has shown a difficulty at controlling his own feelings. He can control his REACTIONS, but its hard for him to figure out what to do about his feelings beyond ‘conceal, don’t feel.’

Which is weird, because he’s extremely empathetic. He’s very good at judging others emotions (save for Marinette ‘Just A Friend’ Dupain-Cheng.) He can offer comfort and figure out is they need space or help. The fact he struggles with his own says maybe his are just too strong.

Like he’s a being Made Of Emotions.

M. Narrative Foreshadowing.

Just saying it again.

It comes up a lot with Adrien becoming some kind of puppet, copy, impostor. It happens so much. SO MUCH.

Also he was the first one to think Sentibug was a Real Person.

Then there is the end of Mega Leech.

Could it just be another example of Adrien being emotionally abused? Sure.

However, considering how often this series genuinely glosses over abuse (Adrien, Chloe, Kagami, even Zoe to an extent), its weird to just throw that in at the end of an episode that, frankly, barely involves Adrien’s emotions.

Save one.

Adrien was told it was a perfume commercial. He was Lied To. He was told One Thing was Another.

And there is the framing. There is the double focus on the ring, the focus on the words. There is so much focus on this being a command that could not be denied, and that doesn’t need to involve the ring AT ALL if it was abuse.

Unless, of course, the ring was an Amok.

Then the visual cues make a whole lot more sense.

N. The Wild Mass Guessing.

Now what is the wish.

Clearly Emilie’s use of the peacock is what made her sick and it made her sick for years. Now whether the peacock was ALREADY BROKEN or Emilie broke it is up in the air. Either way, we know she used the peacock longterm. Since there is no talk of supervillains or previous superheroes, it seems highly unlikely she was granting people super powered monsters.

So, her use was for a Sentimonster. Perhaps trying to split the Amok broke the peacock. Perhaps that one use was enough to make her sick, but because it was just the one time, it took years for the magical sickness to take her down. That is all up in the air.

What we do know, the crux of the wish is fifteen years ago. Which means it involves Adrien’s existence in some way. It likely involves rewriting time a bit.

And here is the thing.

Gabriel loves Adrien. He does. He’s a trash person, he’s toxic at best, abusive at worst, but HE LOVES ADRIEN.

What if the peacock was broken when they found it. What is Emilie DIDN’T break it?

‘I wish the Peacock was never broken.’

Fifteen years ago, Gabriel and Emilie were trying to have a baby. But they were unable to conceive. Amelie had her own baby boy, and he’s beautiful, and Emilie and Gabriel just hurt more at their inability to have a child.

(This is why adoption should be seen as more valid, folks, but that’s neither here nor there.)

But Emilie’s family knows of magic. Because let’s be fair, there is something truly suspicious about that lot and it screams they know magic stuff. Emilie has heard of grand artifacts and magics and maybe there is away around this limitation.

They explore the world, research magic artifacts, until they finally find the Peacock and Butterfly Miraculous. They are able to learn what they can do, either from Nooroo and Duusu. Clearly an Akuma does nothing for them, but a Sentimonster?

That had possibilities.

But the Peacock is broken.

Emilie doesn’t care.

They experiment. She uses the Peacock more and more, but she figures out the trick. She figures out how to make a child, how to make him SAFE.

Adrien is created, using the sign of their union, and the Miraculous are locked away.

But Emilie is still sick from figuring out how to create Adrien. And the years go by and she doesn’t get better, but she doesn’t care. She has her son. A son both her and Gabriel love, but they have to be careful. He’s not human, after all, just a little off.

Let him meet Chloe, because the Bourgeios are hardly normal. Slowly socialize him. Keep him inside so no one sees how odd he is. Keep him safe. He grows, happy enough, independent ENOUGH to believe.

Then Emilie collapses.

And doesn’t get up.

Gabriel is the only one with active control. He keeps Emilie’s ring on her finger and hides her away, but now, he’s the only one who can order his son. He doesn’t want to destroy what independent thought Adrien has achieved, doesn’t want to destroy HIS SON, so he keeps his distance. He only interacts in ways where he can be silent, or criticize what he has always criticized. Doesn’t even dare to get him a gift for his birthday because what if that becomes far too important?

As Adrien shows a rebellious streak, does things for himself, asks for things HE wants, things that Gabriel will sometimes give if its deemed safe, and Gabriel tentatively shows a little more attention. Goes to a few events, goes on a few trips. Not for long, brief amounts of time, hoping that Adrien keeps being Himself.

Because he can’t take off the ring.

Taking off the ring means leaving Adrien vulnerable.

And he fights Ladybug and Chat Noir for his wish.

If the Peacock wasn’t broken/didn’t break, then Emilie wouldn’t have gotten sick. She would wake up and Adrien wouldn’t be erased by his sole control. Maybe if he’s bold enough, he can just make sure Adrien was never at risk of being a puppet again. Take the Amok’s out of the equation, make his son real.

And if time is altered then....then it doesn’t MATTER if Adrien is hurt NOW. If he hates being alone. If Gabriel fails, at least he doesn’t erase what little will his son has left. If Gabriel wins, then literally nothing done matters!

Sometimes he forgets that. He sees Adrien in danger, and he feels that fear, that need to save his son.

Sometimes he remembers, tells himself if he wins, then any harm he caused Adrien with Riposte, with Style Queen, WITH CHAT BLANC, will no longer matter. He just had to win, he has to win, he has to win because it will return Emilie, and it will ensure his son is never lost in the magic that makes his soul.

It doesn’t matter who he hurts. It doesn’t matter how villainous he becomes. None of it matters as long as he achieves his end.

Once, he even thinks of explaining it to Adrien. Tell him he’s Hawk Moth. Tell him he’s a Sentimonster. He knows the distance hurts his son, but if he knew why, then Adrien would understand just how much he loves Adrien.

He keeps his distance so he doesn’t accidentally change Adrien.

He’s Hawk Moth so he can save Emilie and Adrien.

He will fix everything once he wins, and he regrets how often he had hurt Adrien until then.

And then Adrien talks about how he’s noticed Gabriel and Nathalie becoming closer and Nathalie has the Peacock. Adrien is switching his loyalty from Emilie to Nathalie, he’s changing due to MAGIC and Gabriel is furious because he’s been too lax, been too kind, he needs to WIN.

When the Peacock will no longer hurt, when Nathalie will stop fighting him on him using it, he takes it. To keep Adrien from changing more due to magic.

There are times where Gabriel’s heart remind him of his love. He can’t hurt his son then.

There are times where he remembers his goal. If he wins, whatever harm he caused Adrien doesn’t matter, and he HAS to win.

And he throws himself more and more and more into the fight, into winning because if he can win, then he can save everyone important to him.

What does it matter if Adrien suffers now as long as its undone?

[guyinmink]

Owl House Endgame and themes?

The Owl House’s ostensible theme is one of nonconformity, of bucking the system, of not sacrificng your identity to embody someone else’s ideals. We see this reflected through Hunter, through Lilith and Amity, throughout the queer themes and fantastical setting of the BI, which subvert all possible metrics of “normal” by human standards. However, this has started to get petered off as the story becomes more character focused, peeling back the layers of characters introduced in Season One to offer more complex nuanced takes on it. And along the way (at least from what I’ve seen in the season so far) I’;ve noticed a new recurring motif, one I’m not even sure if the crew realizes yet.

The theme of The Owl House isn’t being unique or being a maverick. Its about accepting the fact that sometimes, you need to roll with the punches. This isn’t to say that we should conform, just that sometimes things are just the way that they are, and you just have to live with it, cuase in the end, you’re just a regular person, not a visionary.

Let’s look at Philip-may-or-may-not-be-Emperor-Belos-Wittebane for a good example.

He couldn’t accept the fact that he was not allowed to use magic (at least not naturally). so he tried to rune himself with glyphs to grant that power, and if @eliz-elai​ ‘s theory is correct, the glyphs are now slowly siphoning the magic out of him. Even despite that, he’s still wrapped up in his hero complex to quit. He couldn’t accept the fact that there were just somethings he couldn’t or shouldn’t do, cementing his downfall.

Contrast that with the titular Owl Lady.

A lot has already been written about her accepting and living with the curse, but let’s look at her personality before that: Sure, she’s vain and boastful, what with her justified status as the most powerful witch on the BI sans maybe Belos. 

Way before making piece with the Owl Beast, we see Eda is someone who understands this lesson: that there are some battles you cannot win, and in life you’ve got to roll with the punches. This is probably because unlike Philip/possibly Belos, she has been put through the wringer in life and had a long time to think about it, actually suffering and learning life lessons throughout the way. 

For example, she lets Luz attend Hexside, a place she absolutely despised, even casually chatting up Bump with no aminosity whatsoever, because she realizes that Hexside being an organized instituion itself isn’t a bad thing: it’s the Emperor’s hand puppetering the coven system that piplines students into covens. She’s willing to put aside her biases and realize that not everything that doesn’t agree with her is necessarily wrong.

Hell, she may have learned this lesson even as a kid. Remember her refusing to fight Lilith? Maybe that wasn’t so much as open defiance towards the EC rather then trying to give her sister a leg up, in other words empathy.

This is a recurring motif: Willow doesn’t try to force herself to be better at abominations. Gus realizes that illusions are just cool the way they are. In last week’s episode, we even saw Luz and amity talk about how not everything is a great mystery when pursuing the author of the Azura books. And we’ve all seen how Eda accepts the Owl Beast rather then something to be banished. weven the BI, despite thier strangeness, are revealed to be just normal people.

Again, this isn’t conformity, but acceptance. In an era where “freedom” has been weaponized, where books are banned just because some people weren’t comfortable with a worldview that wasn’t their own, I think it’s a refreshing message to hear that not every system has to be fought or conquered.

[zedecksiew]

Kriegsmesser

When I received Kriegsmesser in the mail I finally googled "kriegsmesser", and found out it meant "war knife". Which makes sense; Gregor Vuga's ZineQuest 2021 project is a tribute to "roleplaying games named after medieval weapons".

I love Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay's piss-renaissance Old World setting. I tend to pick up WFRP-a-likes sight unseen:

Warlock (quality);

Small But Vicious Dog (yesss);

Zweihander (which I have come to hate); etc.

Anyway: I backed Kriegsmesser without really knowing anything about it. So Kriegsmesser surprised me.

+

Kriegsmesser grew out of a Troika! cutting. Its 36 backgrounds are compatible with that system: each come with a couple of lines of description; a list of skills and possessions; an a visual cameo cropped from actual 16th-Century woodcut art.

Cohesive and competently flavourful. My favourite is the Labourer, who always starts with "an empty pine box":

"You've spent your life breaking your back, working hard for other people's profit. You have nothing to show for it but a spectre of the future."

(The obligatory ratcatcher-analogue , called the Vermin Snatcher, is here -- check that box!)

+

Kriegsmesser also comes with its own ruleset. Hits all the notes it needs to, with lots of orientation and advice for how to run a game -- but ultimately super-simple, mechanically:

Roll d6s equal to the value in a relevant skill, look at the highest result. 6 means you get what you want; 5 or 4 means you get what you want, at a cost.

It's not quite a dice pool, since only the highest result matters. No opposed tests.

+

Kriegsmesser intends to have this base mechanic handle fights, too. The combat rules - with armour, toughness and weapon values -- are nested in an optional section.

For a WFRP-a-like, this feels like a purposeful departure.

Many of WFRP's most celebrated adventures are celebrated for bits that their underlying ruleset does little to support: the investigative structure of "Shadows Over Bogenhafen"; the complicated timetable of "Rough Night At Three Feathers".

Ludwig von Wittgenstein never needed a statblock to be memorable.

Not to say that lethal, hyper-detailed fights isn't super Warhammer-y. (Kriegsmesser includes an injury table, broken down by body-part -- check that box!)

But here it feels like Gregor is saying: "I'm not Games Workshop and Roleplay isn't an ancillary of Warhammer Fantasy Battle; we can evoke grim-and-perilous-ness even if we fork away from heavy combat rules."

+

It has become ritual for me to read my partner Sharon to sleep.

Sometimes I read her RPG things. The other night, after I read her Kriegsmesser's introduction --

" The Empire wages an eternal war against Chaos. Its priests preach of Chaos as an intrusion, something unnatural ... These men see Chaos in anything that does not buttress their rule. They call it disorder, anarchy, corruption. They say that to rebel against their order is to rebel against god and nature. That the current arrangement is natural, rather than artificial.

" Meanwhile, the common people look to the Empire to deliver the justice that they were promised and they find none. They look to the Empire and do not see themselves reflected in it. They look around at what they were taught was right and good and see only misery.

" Their world begins to unravel. Chaos comes to reside in every heart and mind sound enough to look at the world and conclude it is broken. "

-- Sharon remarked: "Nice one."

The RPG things I read her generally leave Sharon lukewarm. She has enjoyed a couple -- but, yeah: for many of these books, text isn't their strong point.

Kriegsmesser is the only time I can recall Sharon praising the writing of an RPG book without my prompting.

Nice one.

+

That introduction surprised me. It underlines Kriegsmesser's biggest departure from its WFRP-a-like pedigree: how it characterises Chaos.

Corruption, a mainstay of most grim-dark-y games, is made an optional rule, like combat. Explaining this, Gregor writes:

" Kriegsmesser partially subverts or deconstructs the traditional conceit of Warhammer where the characters are threatened by the forces of Chaos. In this game it is the player characters who are the agents of 'Chaos': they are likely to become the 'rats' under the streets, and the wild 'beast-men' in the woods bringing civilisation down. It's the Empire and its nobles and priests that are corrupt ... "

Describing the Empire, Gregor writes:

" The Empire encompasses the world yet is terrified of the without. It enforces itself with steel and fire yet considers itself benevolent. It consumes the labour of others with bottomless hunger yet calls its subalterns lazy, or wasteful, or greedy. "

Holy shit this is the first time I've seen the word "subaltern" in an RPG thing, I think?

I love this.

+

Rant incoming:

With every passing decade Warhammer abridges its Moorcockian roots more and more; nowadays it is "Order = Good" and "Chaos = Evulz", pretty much.

Gone are the days when chaos berserkers are implied to grant safe passage to the helpless (because Khorne is as much a god of martial honour as he is a god of bloodletting); Or that the succor of Papa Nurgle is a genuine comfort to the downtrodden; Or that Tzeentch could unironically embody the principle of hope, of change for the better.

As Chaos is distilled into unequivocal villainy, Order goons get painted as Good Guys by default --

Giving rise to Warhammer's contemporary problem, wherein fans are no longer able to recognise satire.

+

When I was introduced to 40K, it seemed pretty clear that the Imperium was a Brazil-esque absurdist-fascist bureaucratic state: planets are exterminatus-ed due to clerical error; the way it stamps out rebellions is the reason why rebellions begin in the first place.

Tragi-comic grimdarkness. That was the point.

Nowadays that tone has shifted -- and you're more likely than not going to encounter a 40K fan who argues that the Imperium's evils are a justified necessity, to prevent worse wrongs.

We went from:

"Space Nazis because insane dumbass fuckery, also chainswords vroom vroom rule of badass!"

To:

"Space Nazis because it makes sense actually, and also chainswords make sense because [insert convoluted rationalisation here]."

+

Even Fantasy Flight's Black Crusade line, which ostensibly offers a look at 40K from the perspective of Chaos, never truly commits to its conceit.

With prep you could play a heroic band of mutant freedom fighters, resisting the tyranny of the Evil Imperium --

But I don't remember Black Crusade giving that kind of campaign any actual support. Its supplements service the relatively more conventional "You can play villains!" angle; the Screaming Vortex is a squarely Daemons-vs-Daemons setting.

+

This tonal drift culminates, in my mind, with Age of Sigmar, Games Workshop's heroic-fantasy replacement of the old WFRP / WHFB setting.

Here's the framing narrative for AoS's recently-launched Third Edition. Let's see whether I've got things right:

A highly professionalised, technologically-superior tip-of-the-spear fighting force (the Stormcast Eternals);

Backed by an imperialist military-industrial complex (Azyrheim);

"Liberating" rich new territories (Ghur) for exploitation by a civilised settler culture (Settlers of Sig-- I mean, Free Cities);

Justified because the locals are irredeemable heathens (Chaos and Kruleboyz).

I mean, that's a sweet-ass Warhammer setting. It's contemporary, laser-guided lampoon. Except it is played totally straight.

In AoS, a literal crusade is justified as the moral good.

+

I think Kriegsmesser surprised me because its framing of Chaos -- as a promise, as the light of hope shining through cracks of a broken world --

It feels so fucking right.

Yes: its a subaltern deconstruction of the conventional moral universe of Warhammer -- but it is a take that is also already implied / all but supported in the various depictions of the setting: from WFRP to the modified title-crawl of Black Crusade.

I'm annoyed I didn't think of it, myself. Damn you, Gregor!

And I'm annoyed that more Warhammer fans aren't thinking it, also.

+

lmagine if Kriegsmesser's perspective stood on equal standing as the GW orthodoxy. Imagine if, instead of simplifying stuff into "Order = Good" and "Chaos = Evulz", GW did a Gregor Vuga.

You'd have a Rashomon-ed Warhammer, where villainy depends on perspective:

You are fearful villagers, huddled around your priest, muttering prayers against the wild braying coming from the trees beyond your gates.

You are Aqshyian tribeswomen, defying the thunder warrior towering over you, the foreigner demanding you bow to his foreign god.

You are a Tzeentchian revolutionary cell, desperately trying to disrupt a Inquisitor's transmissions so your home planet isn't destroyed by fascist orbital fire.

+

Get Kriegsmesser HERE.

+++

( Image sources: https://theenemywithinremixed.wordpress.com/2021/05/21/thoughts-on-the-4e-death-on-the-reik/ https://www.criterion.com/current/posts/59-brazil https://www.deviantart.com/faroldjo/art/Warhammer-40k-Black-Crusade-273596035 https://www.warhammer-community.com/2021/06/09/fancy-a-new-life-bringing-order-to-the-mortal-realms-join-a-dawnbringer-crusade-today/ https://www.nme.com/blogs/the-movies-blog/team-america-15-anniversary-south-park-2558750 https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Palestinian_children_and_Israeli_wall.jpg )

[xenia-cenia]

Kaeya x Fem!Reader - To Heal

A/N-part 4... god razor and albedos are gonna kill me i FEEL it also wtf his backstory is so SAD.... enemies to lovers.... but only one sees them as an enemy..... god the brainrot is so good today 

Trigger/Content Warnings: Spoilers for Kaeyas backstory, minor character death, light swearing, PTSD/nightmares, blood, kidnapping

I promise it’s only half as angsty as it sounds

Word Count: 2,267

Request: No

Summary: You hated him. He loved you. It’s every romcom but this time, there’s trauma.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kaeya Alberich had the world beneath his fingertips. 

Very few people could resist his charms, good looks, or smile. Especially not healers who hung towards the back of the party and saved every life he put in danger. 

Kaeya Alberich was a genius. People would willingly divulge secrets that would ruin their lives to his kind gaze and warm smile. He was manipulative, he was a liar, he was a traitor.

No person in Mondstadt hated Kaeya Alberich more than Kaeya Alberich himself. Though, you were a close second.

“Captain!” You barged into his office as he tied his hair up into a ponytail, “You can’t keep endangering people like this!”

He turned to you with a confused smile, “Like what? They’re Knights, aren’t they?”

“It doesn’t matter! Eventually, my healing won’t be enough!” You marched over to him and slammed your hands down on his desk, “You are selfish! You disgust me.” He shot you a big smirk which caused you to spin on your heels and leave the room, your anger nearly tangible.

Kaeya leaned back in his chair and sighed, a goofy smile lingering on his face.

No person in Mondstadt loved you more than the soldiers who you saved. 

Though, Kaeya Alberich was a close second. 

He didn’t know why he loved you so much. By all accounts, he should hate you. He should despise the way you brought comfort into everyone's eyes, the way you always arrived just in time to save countless lives, how your power in battle nearly outmatched his own. 

He should be jealous. He should be angry. He should not be head-over-heels in love with you. He should not be trying to plan more carefully so your healing workload is lightened, and it shouldn’t even cross his mind to leave his door open so you don’t hurt your hands as you barged in here with your justified rage.

Kaeya melted into his chair as he tried to contain the thoughts that ceaselessly ran through his mind. He wanted nothing more than to hold you in his arms, sweat dripping off his face as he saved your life. And you’d smile at him, a shy and genuine smile, as you thanked him profusely. 

But he was no fool. He knew how deep your hatred ran. And he couldn’t blame you, by all accounts he was selfish. He was disgusting. He risked lives for his enjoyment, he loved seeing the fear in recruits as they ran from danger.

Did that make him a bad person? Yes. Yes, absolutely. He slept every night trying to forget their screams as they called for help. No. Not called for help - begged him for help. 

You seethed as you walked out of Kaeyas office. Too many lives were senselessly taken every day, too many people's blood-stained your hands. 

Just like... no.

“Stop it, (Y/N). You can’t think like that.” You shook the thoughts out of your head as you mumbled to yourself. You looked to your side and caught sight of your reflection in a window. You stared for a moment, a blank expression on your face before it fell into a glare. 

Kaeya Alberich brought anger into your heart. Kaeya Alberich made memories you’d rather die creep up to the surface and hit you with guilt. You hated Kaeya Alberich because he was...

“Dammit.” You slapped your cheek, “Cut it out.”

You walked back to your home and thought over what you’d do for the rest of the evening. Maybe a warm bath and tea? However, you did like the idea of belting songs from the privacy of your home... the possibilities were near endless! But, as usual, you would wash your hands first.

It didn’t matter if you hadn’t touched anything. It didn’t matter if they were already clean. You would wash them every time you had the chance. 

When you finally arrived home, scrubbed your hands, you decided to put the relaxing bath off for a different night. You collapsed onto your warm bed, happily covering yourself in your heavy sheets as sleep overtook you.

If you had any regrets in your life, learning how to fight would be your top one. As the only fighter in your small town, you were relied on for everything. (Y/N) go hunting, (Y/N) take out these slimes, (Y/N) head to Mondstadt, and purchase goods.

And you were there. You were there when the small army attacked. Why were they attacking? You weren’t sure. 

Families, friends, enemies. They all blurred together as you raised your weapon. In the end, you were the only one left. You weren’t out of breath nor saddened by the deaths.

Instead, you looked around the corpses that littered the ground and tried to hide your exhilaration. 

For the first time, you had to fight like your life depended on it. For the first time in your life, you could let your frustration out. And there, covered in blood, was a small icy ball. You leaned over and picked it up, wiping the blood off with your hands. A Vision.

And for the first night in years, you found you couldn’t sleep. Every time your eyes would shut, you would see their bodies. Every time you plugged your ears you could hear them call your name. Every time you breathed you’d remember that they never would again.

You spent years atoning for that day and dedicated yourself to saving lives. You mastered healing, it took the same precision as killing you quickly realized, and went to Mondstadt hoping that the City of Freedom could free you from these deeds.

It couldn’t.

Nothing could. 

Eventually, you found yourself working for the Knights of Favonius. As long as you didn’t swing a weapon, you were fine. You were just saving lives. You were keeping your promise.

So, why did it feel so good when their lives all depended on your choice? Why did you feel so powerful knowing you were essentially the God of these men? 

Did you only join the Knights because you knew violence and bloodshed would always be a part of you? 

You did everything you can to suppress these feelings. You swore off fighting, ignoring people's begging to duel you one-on-one. You’d lie and say holding weapons scared you, but it was always Kaeya who saw through your facade.

And that’s why you hated him. He was as bloodthirsty, evil, and selfish as you. He saw through each lie you spent years carefully crafting.

You hated him because he was you. 

One week later, it was time for another raid. 

As long as you were on the field, none of your allies would die. The raid started fine enough, you all charged into a Domain under Kaeyas orders. He froze falling rocks or spare enemies that could have killed his troops, as you stayed in the back and healed every scraped knee and minor wound.

Stay in the back. They had said. It’s safer in the back. Kaeya is smart. He’ll never lead us into a trap.

And you hated him. You truly hated him. But, damn, you trusted his plans. Even if it meant you had to work harder to keep everyone alive, you knew that the job would get done. Together, you were unstoppable. 

Maybe you put too much confidence in him. You couldn’t muster a thought as a bubble of water enveloped you. You tried to break it, but all you did was force your oxygen to run out sooner. 

With one last hint of desperation, you threw your vision onto the floor. And then, you fell unconscious.

Kaeya was no idiot. He saw the number of his troops dwindling and knew what happened. He ordered the stragglers to retreat, take the wounded and try their best to not die without him holding their hands.

When they were out of his sight, he immediately started to retrace his steps. 

He didn’t need to come very far to notice the Vision that was kicked around and sitting on the floor. Kaeya walked over to it and picked it up, rubbing his finger over the outside. 

“Cyro Vision...” He tossed it into the air, grabbed it, and continued walking. Once again, he noticed a trail of water that was slowly beginning to dry.

After not even 5 minutes of walking, he saw what he needed. A slightly askew rock. Kaeya chuckled to himself as he pressed his on it, the rocks pushed themselves aside and revealed a staircase heading down.

“Well, here goes.” He muttered under his breath as he went down the staircase.

The Abyss Mages had taken you out of the bubble and tied you to a table. You were waking up, groggy and confused, but when you remembered felt anger bubble in your stomach.

“What the hell!” You yelled at the two Abyss Mages who captured you. They both jumped and turned to face you, “Why am I here! I swear if any of my men died...”

“You’re awake.” One of them chirped.

“You’re awake-” you mocked, “did you think I was sleep talking or something?! Let me out of this!”

“We know about your true power.” The other one chimed in, “We know what happened that night. It was our allies who you killed. You must face punishment.”

You stared blankly before breaking out into laughter, “Wait - that was you guys? God, you’re pathetic! Can’t believe I was relying on someone to save me.” You began to struggle against the ropes.

“The ropes are sealed, they can only be undone with the work of a Vision. We know you are Visionless - none of the Archons would grant something as lowly as you power.”

“Oh,” you bit your lip, “that might be a problem.”

“So you accept your fate!” 

“Let our justice reign down-”

Kaeya, who was standing on the staircase watching this all happen, let a laugh slip out.

“-who was that?!”

He walked down the rest of the stairs and clapped his hands, ���Great show you two have put on here.”

“K-Kaeya!” You yelled. “Did you grab it?”

He threw your vision to you, and just being near to it made the ropes fall to the ground. 

“I-Impossible!” 

You stretched, stood, and smiled widely at your kidnappers, “I hope I’m not rusty.”

Within seconds, the Abyss Mages were dead. Ice bit at your skin, and, once again, there was blood on your hands.

You looked at your hands and felt your body start to shake. Kaeya walked over to you but stopped when he saw the tears in your eyes.

“Don’t... don’t look at me.” You turned away from him, “I’m... I’m no better than them.”

His heart snapped in two, “(Y/N)...”

“You heard what they said. I’m a killer. I killed everyone I cared about and after everything, after every promise I made... I just... I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Please, don’t look at me.”

“If you’re bad then I’m the worst.” He stepped over the corpses, “I didn’t cry when my Father died. I put everyone in danger for fun. I left... well, I can’t call him my brother now, can I?”

You slowly turned to him, “Kaeya, I-”

He kept his gaze on the ground, “I tried to make them happy. And I did- I do- really love him. Even if I’m not his brother, he’s still mine. I didn’t mean to hurt him. That’s all I ever seem to do... I hurt you. I hurt them. And I’ll do it again. I... I know all of their names. You probably don’t believe me, I wouldn’t blame you. I am a bad person.”

In a few steps, you reached him. He looked up at you and felt his eyes widen as his hand hovered above his cheek. You hit him. No, you slapped him.

“Stop talking about yourself like that.”

“Why? You think like this too.”

“Because you’re me.” You stiffened, “Everything you do is something I’ve considered. Every plan you make is one I dream of. Every life you put into my hands is one I know I can leave.”

“But you still...”

You kneeled next to him and grabbed his hands, “Because I am more than these thoughts. I know how much it’d hurt if I let them die, how much their families would cry. I see it, Kaeya. I see the ways you care for people. You can’t tell me it’s all an act.”

“What if I did?”

“I wouldn’t believe you. I don’t believe someone who hates his people would spend time listening to Glory or look into medicines for Anna. You do it even when you think nobodies looking and I...” you took a deep breath, “I’m sorry.”

“What?”

“My anger for you was directed at myself. I do think you need to change the way you plan things, have more care for people's lives.” You smiled at him and wiped the tears from his eyes, “I’m also really sorry for hitting you.”

“It’s fine, I deserved it.” He chuckled lowly.

“No, you don’t. You did like... a month ago. But not tonight.”

“So, what now?” He looked at you with small tears still in his eyes.

“Well, I think first we get out of here. Next, we should spend some time and work on ourselves. And finally...”

“Finally?”

You blushed, “Let me buy you dinner.”

The two of you left the Domain, and for a reason, no person in Mondstadt could explain, you and Kaeya became inseparable. His plans suddenly became more conscious of his men. 

And together, you began to heal.

[arlingtonpark]

SNK 139 Review Part I: On Eren Jeager and Genocide

Why?

Why is this happening?

Folks, I’m going to be honest here: there are no words for this. The main thrust of this chapter is completely inexplicable. It’s stupid. It’s ill conceived. FML.

Just…just the term itself is laughable.

Eren redemption arc.

Sksksksksksksksksksksk

After everything he’s done, everyone he’s killed, you’re going to try redeeming Eren in the final chapter?

Eren didn’t need to be redeemed. He was a bullheaded kid who didn’t let anyone stop him from doing what he thought needed to be done. He sees the titans outside the walls as enemies to be exterminated. When he learns that his real enemies are other humans, who have a right to freedom as much as he does, he can’t accept it and decides to just exterminate them too. That mindset led him down a tragic path of genocide.

That’s not a bad character arc!

In fact, I’d say it’s very compelling. Nonconformity and obstinance are often presented as virtues; flipping that paradigm on its head and showing the vices of those virtues was legitimately smart and provocative.

Making people rethink what traits are virtues and vices is a great moral to the story, and it paired well with the other moral of cooperation and loving your fellow people.

Then this chapter came out, and they threw all that away.

Eren’s arc once made me think of Aristotle, who argued that true virtue lied between extremes: neither too submissive nor too rebellious.

Now Eren’s arc makes me think of pseudointellectual 4chan philosophy, and dumb teenagers: “He’s not a bad guy, he’s just human!!!”

Eren’s motivations are a mess now. He had no free will, but he also had a plan, but deep down he wanted to do the rumbling no matter what, but actually he really wanted to be with Mikasa.

Oh, and B T dubs, he killed his mom too.

You can tell Isayama is desperate to make Eren as sympathetic as possible to justify making him the anti-hero because he’s throwing everything he can pull out of his ass at Eren.

Really, though, all he ended up doing was smearing shit on the character.

Eren’s plan was to kill a significant part of the human population so the world wouldn’t be as overwhelming a threat as before. Simultaneously, he planned (“planned”) for the alliance to become vaunted heroes to the world when they killed him, thus paving the way to peace.

This…makes no sense?

There is no reason Eren should have believed this would work. During the battle of Trost, Pixis asked him if humanity could unite if threatened by a common enemy. Eren said no.

Eren is a pessimist about people. He sees how much the walldians fought with each other and concluded that people would always be at odds.

And the Tybur family helped defeat the Eldian Empire, but only the Tyburs were seen as heroes by the Marleyans. That good will was not imputed from the Tyburs to the other Eldians on the continent. There’s no reason to think that would happen here when it didn’t back then.

I’m assuming, anyway, that the alliance becoming heroes is supposed to lead to a world where Paradis is safe since that’s supposed to be Eren’s goal.

I’m willing to grant that maybe this part of Eren’s plan was more of a hope on his part. Peace would come only after his death, so he can’t truly “plan” for anything afterwards.

I think it’s safe to say that killing the world’s population was the main part of his plan, since that’s the part he had the most control over.

To the extent he had any control over his actions, which brings me to the next point.

So, turns out Eren had no free will.

Can you not feel Isayama’s desperation?

After all the awful things Eren’s done, Isayama’s brilliant idea to make him sympathetic is to strip him of all agency.

This is done by two routes throughout the chapter.

The first is by building him up as a victim. Eren’s mind is fucked; he can’t really control himself. Any decent person would feel pity for him, which is reinforced by the sorrow Armin visibly feels for him.

Then, like a shotgun blast to the face, we are told that Eren killed his mother in a moment that is clearly supposed to endear us to him.

This is such a transparent appeal for our sympathy. Isayama’s desperation leaps off the page and mugs us of it.

The only thing that this revelation adds to the story is that it gives Armin a reason to take up Eren’s hand, and show him support. You can see Armin’s heart breaking for Eren in that moment.

That’s mostly why this is here: to give the mass murderer a hard luck story so our hearts melt for him.

The second route is that depriving Eren of agency absolves him of blame for what he did.

Eren beat Armin bloody, but you can’t really blame him for it. He was drugged out on the Founding Titan and didn’t want to do it. He was acting on impulse, just going with the flow, so he deserves, at the very least, some leniency.

Eren both having a plan and not having much in the way of free will is contradictory. Everyone still talks about Eren as if he’s someone who is doing stuff even though we’re told he’s not really capable of rational decision making.

I’m going to be nice and assume Isayama’s intent is that when you parse this all out, you end up in a place where Eren is not truly responsible for what he did, and in any event this all ended with the titan curse broken and the world at peace, sooooo break out the champagne everyone, we achieved world peace!

…

Yeah, bub, I’m not partying right now.

Isayama’s ploy to absolve Eren of blame didn’t work. Eren is still responsible for the people he killed and his Founding Titan lobotomy counts for shit. Turns out it helps to know how free will works when you’re writing about free will.

Free will is the quality of being in control of your actions, at least to the extent necessary to be held responsible for them.

Eren was just going with the flow (wonder what Annie thought of that…), acting on impulse, and getting dragged along by fate, but that’s not actually important.

It’s been known for centuries that current events are caused by previous events and that the current events will bring about future events in a never ending chain of cause and effect. One domino causes another to fall causes another to fall and on and on. This is called determinism.

And that’s ok because we free will exists. It exists even if we can’t do anything other than what we are going to do. It exists in spite of, or even arises out of, determinism.

This premise, that free will and determinism are not mutually exclusive, is the foundation for a family of theories about free will called compatibilism.

Compatibilist free will is the most popular theory of free will. There are a couple of variations on the basic idea, but the gist is that free will exists when your actions can be linked to an aspect of yourself that you identify with.

For example, if you had no choice but to do something, but you’re ok with that because it’s what you wanted anyway, then you have free will.

Even if I didn’t know you’d stop me in the end, I think I still would have flattened this world. 

-Eren Jeager

That’s all I needed to hear.

EREN, FUCK YOU!!!!

Eren had free will, at least as much as necessary to blame him for his genocide.

Isayama threw this curveball at us and all it did was ruin Eren as a character while leaving him just as repugnant as before. Incredible. It’s the worst of both worlds.

Before this chapter Eren was a guy who believed in something and followed that belief no matter who got in his way. That was great! It was tragic and sad, but great storytelling.

Where does this chapter leave us?

What we learn in this chapter is that Eren didn’t really believe in anything. He may have free will enough to be a shithead for what he did, but that doesn’t mean he has free will enough to be an interesting character.

Eren coming to grips with him not being free, in an absolute sense, would have been so much more interesting than what we got. Eren started the series comparing humanity to cattle in a pen. He ends the series being literally sheparded by fate to his death like cattle to a slaughterhouse.

And yet we get no exploration of that at all.

It’s lame. Everything about this is lame. From a storytelling perspective, Eren was just along for the ride. Who would want to reread this series now? A story about a boy who’s quest for freedom neither ends tragically nor happily, but is just forgotten about by the end. What’s the point?

There is none.

Eren’s journey ends up lost in the author’s own ignorance of the very thing this is supposed to be about.

Unfortunately, SNK isn’t interested in 80% of the world being dead. If it were, Eren wouldn’t have gotten such a warm send off.

I was honestly shocked when I read this chapter.

I thought it had been made clear. SNK had come firmly down against genocide. I never imagined Isayama would try a 180 in the final chapter.

And, well, he did, and here we are.

SNK is pro-genocide.

To wit:

Once Eren’s abominable plan is explained to everyone, he is lavished with love and comfort by his friends.

Armin did punch Eren for being callous about Mikasa, but overall all Armin had nothing but sympathy and understanding for Eren. They held hands and hugged and gave Eren a tender farewell.

All they talk about is how great a sacrifice Eren is making.

Not the sacrifice of 80% of all people, but the sacrifice that Eren personally is making of himself.

I don’t know what deranged mindset Isayama has that made him think this was sensible, but no, Eren is not sacrificing anything. He was always going to die. We’ve known this for several dozen chapters. It’s not a sacrifice to befall the fate you were always going to suffer.

He lost nothing. If anything, he gained from this ending.

Eren died knowing he was loved and appreciated by his friends. What more could a dying man ask for?

Eren is rewarded by the story for killing 80% of humanity.

His ultimate fate was no worse than was expected even before he committed the genocide, and he went out in the knowledge that his friends loved him for it.

It doesn’t even make logical sense that his friends would be so receptive to what he did.

There is no difference between Eren’s plan and what we thought Eren’s plan was before this chapter came out.

Armin thought Eren’s plan was to murder humanity to ensure his safety, and Armin was appalled. Armin was willing to sacrifice his life to ensure Eren failed. He was truly acting for the greater good of humanity.

In this chapter, Armin learns that Eren’s plan is actually to murder most of humanity to ensure his safety, and Armin loves him.

Again, hand holding, hugging, “thank you.” No mention of the unfathomable harm caused. The 80% killed are not even a footnote in this chapter.

Even after the fact, Eren’s friends showed no qualms with Eren essentially winning and procuring their safety through genocide.

When previously the mere thought of that was what motivated them to lay down their lives to stop him.

I don’t think Isayama believes this genocide is supposed to bear on how we think of Eren. I say, having just read the chapter that’s all about Eren, in which his genocide doesn’t bear on how his friends think of him. At all.

Was that too great a leap in logic? I apologize if my rationality offends you.

Eren may have died, but he won in the end.

His friends are safe and the world looks set to conclude a peace treaty with Paradis.

I don’t buy for a second that the world is a threat to Paradis anymore, and I don’t buy for a second that there won’t be a peace shortly after the end of the story.

It’s very telling, to me, that it’s the world that’s come to grovel at Paradis’ feet, begging for peace, when previously it was the other way around.

The contours of this “peace,” if you can call it that, were made pretty clear in the epilogue. The world is in ruins while Paradis is stronger than ever, so the world sues for peace for fear of Paradis attacking further. 

This is the moral of the story. Frankly, it’s been staring at us in the face the whole time.

How do you end the cycle of violence?

The answer is to win. To be stronger. More determined.

The only peace is enforced peace through domination.

Peace through the barrel of a gun.

To be continued in part II (and possibly part III)

[yandere-wishes]

Disney villains as Yanderes

These are yandere headcanons for Genderbent! Cruella de Ville, Genderbent! Ursula, Genderbent! Maleficent, Shan Yu, Hades, Humann!Scar and Human! Shere Khan. Also, try to imagine them the way they look in fanart rather than the Disney movies I find that helps a lot

===========================================================

Cruella de Ville

Cruella is just the most sadistic yandere you'll ever meet, his treatment of his darling is only slightly better than his treatment of those poor pups. He keeps her chained up in his room, forcing her to wear the most decorative monochrome collar with the heaviest iron leash, limiting the poor darling's movement. 

But his tournament is just beginning. For some sick, demented reason Cruella just loves to humiliate his "little puppy". He'll make you eat and drink from a bowl on the ground, make you sit at his feet begging to his attention if you want something. It's disgracing, soul-crushing even, but for him it's power! It shows that he controls all aspects of your meaningless life. It's the ultimate proof that YOU BELONG TO HIM. 

"Little puppy what is it that you want?..."

There are days -few and scattered- where the wicked man can be almost called nice. He won't start treating you like a human being but more like the favorite pet instead of some runt. On these sacred days, he'll have you sit on his lap as he sketches out a new design, sometimes even drawing a cute dress or skirt for you to wear. On days where he's feeling generous, days where you've proved that you are indeed his sweet little pet. Cruella will take you to the outside world, a place your memory can just barely recall. The two of you will spend the day shopping through the luxury boutiques. The black and white-haired man will make you try on everything that catches his eye, he may be cruel but he's not unreasonable he always wants his cute puppy to look their best. 

"...You better be ready to beg for it."

Ursula 

Ursula is so so manipulative to the point where talking to him becomes an exhausting task. He's so good with words, twisted every single word until it better serves him. At the end of any conversation, you're left bewildered, trying to retrace your words to find just how you got here. 

The sea witch had no need to kidnap his beloved darling all he had to do was speak. Through radiating words, he promises you all that your heart desires. He promises a straight forward easy contract but instead, you're given nothing but misery, locked away forever in his somber cave. 

"You poor unfortunate soul tell me...."

Even if you do try and escape, Urusal will just send his lackeys to retrieve you, they are even given the pleasure of "toying" with you a bit. Leaving little nibble marks along your arms, drawing a bit of blood along the way but never anything too devastating no that pleasure is left for Urusal and Urusal alone.

The Cecelia's punishments are harsh, they aren't exactly painful...it's more the gut wrenching feeling of guilt and fear that Urusal is able to install in you that makes them particularly fearsome. No matter what you are being punished for, the end is always the same. Somehow cruel heartless Urusal is always the innocent victims while you are the ungrateful, conniving leech that is never satisfied. Poor Urusal just gives and gives wishing only a loving companion in return but what do you do? You run away! Throw a tantrum breaking some of his rare potions just because he was looking out for your safety and wouldn't let you go out. He should chop off your tail! Leave you on land to shrivel up and die!... Oh but he just can't bear losing his little lover! Maybe just for once, he'll just lock you up in a cage made from megalodon teeth, a tiny punishment for your huge crime!

"...Tell me what it is your heart desires?"

Maleficent 

The dark fae is a rather caring protective, who is very lucid about the predicament of his relationship with his darling. He knows that they don't love him, he knows that he stole them away from their old life, he knows. But he's just so good at justifying his actions! He took you from the company of those humans because they are all corrupt! They hurt all that is pure in this world! It's just better if he keeps you locked up in his castle far away from those monsters!

Now unlike the majority of the Disney Villian, Maleficent isn't cruel or sadistic. The only reason he kidnapped his darling is to keep them safe! Why would he do anything that could jeopardize their happiness and safety! No, no Maleficent would never find amusement in your pain, never lay a hand on you cause you latched out. If ever the need arises where he had to punish you, then he'll lock you up in the dungeons. A couple of days alone in darkness will have you behaving like the sweet innocent lover that he wants!

"I love you (y/n)..." 

At some point, after a great deal of time has passed from your kidnapping, Maleficent will grant you the freedom to roam around the castle. There is still the lingering rule for his darling to never step foot outside even when Maleficent is with them. But that -along with most things- is just a countermeasure to keep them safe! 

".....No power on earth can change that!"

All in all, Maleficent is one of the better yandere to have, he's caring to the point where he seals every door and windows so nothing dangerous can get in, he's overprotective to the point of following you around everywhere, he's loving to the point where he's willing to submerge you in endless darkness just so you see his perspective! Yes! All so very loving! And very soon you will see it that way too.

Hades 

The god of the underworld is a very bizarre mix, he's possessive, so very possessive that he probably killed you himself! Just so you could never leave him! But at the same time, he's very delusional, seeing your murder as less of a crime and more of a romantic gesture akin to marriage. 

Hades' love for his darling is so sick and twisted that some may not even call it love! It's just pure mania! One minute the fiery god is cooing at you, complimenting how gorgeous you look in the black toga he got you. The next he's screaming, hair burning a staking red as he yells about how quiet and cold you're being! How you don't love him as much as he loves! Truth is Hades' doesn't want your love exactly, better yet he doesn't know what love is. He just wants you to be as obsessed with him as he is with you! 

"Look (y/n) this whole relationship this is easy!...." 

Hades' punishments are also very fierce. The lord of the dead gets offended quickly! The slightest offense can drive him into a mad rage!

 He'll do practically anything to teach his darling a lesson, from burning them to disembodying them and then stitching them back together. The idea of inflicting pain is just so enjoyable to him! The thought that he has full control over how you feel! Oh, how he loves "playing" with you controlling your every move.

Eventually, Hades' darling will get so used to his temperamental moods and sadistic behavior that they just end up not caring. He's going to burn your right arm until it's limb? Okay, cool is that before or after your date to Skopelos? Oh, he's threatening to feed you to Cerberus? That's fine just don't forget I want Tomatokeftedes for dinner. Not much really fazes you at this point.

"You just got to make me the center of your world and ba-bing ba-boom we're an official couple!" 

Scar

it's always blood and guts with him 

always screams of agony and frustration 

always his word above all else 

always him

Scar is one of the worst yanderes, cause he can make pain feel like nostalgic, welcoming even. With only a few sugar-laced words he can turn your own mind against you. He's cruel and calculating never permitting you to do the smallest thing for yourself. If you want something you have bat your eyes and beg real nicely so he'll consider ordering someone to do it for you. It's such a rare, practically precious accurate if Scar ever decides to do anything even remotely nice for you. If ever he fetches you your or dress you or even toss you a gift. You will have to treasure those moments. 

" Be prepared (y/n)..."

Everything is a quid pro quo with him, the black-haired man never does anything out of the kindness of his heart. He makes you thank him for the simplest of things like letting you eat, or giving you a bed to sleep in. 

Despite how horribly Scar treats his darling he still expects them to love him unconditionally. He wants to be the only thing his darling thinks. In a rather twisted way, he really does try to prove that he loves you, even if it's though scratch marks that are just a little too deep to be considered "scratched" or love bites that draw too much blood. He does love you, you know he does!...or maybe it's all just a mind game. 

"....For I shall always remain your king!"

Shan Yu 

Shan Yu borders somewhere between protective and obsessive. he knows his darling can protect herself, they're strong, capable, but the truth of the matter is he doesn't want them to! He wants you to depend on him, to make him feel wanted. It's very likely that his darling is a soldier in his army (from what I've heard women from the Hun tribes could join the army) which permits him to start a "casual affair with them. It's nothing at first, a passe time between fleeting moments of peace. But it turns dark quickly when he notices them "flirting" with some other soldiers, touching them, smiling at them, things she should only be doing with him!

He doesn't so much kidnap his darling as "claim" them either through a straightforward declaration to his tropes or through "love marks" that he leaves over their body. It's a sudden kind of thing, one moment is preparing for battle-ready to strike down anyone that stands in their way the next they are being dragged to Shan Yu's tent and being told they aren't permitted to fight anymore!

"I tire of your arrogance, (y/n)..."

Shan Yu isn't exactly cruel per se...he's just a tad bit aggressive. He takes every tiny disobedience as a sign of rebellion! And he's more than willing to strangle the resistance out of you. He hates to punish you, hates to see you in any form of pain but how else is he going to get you to be his trusty loving darling?!

At some point, he'll let his darling on the battlefield, only for battles he knows for certain that his team will win. Shan Yu adores the way his darling gracefully swings their blade at anything in sight! Cutting enemies with practiced elegance and wearing their blood like a dress made from the finest silk.

"....You belong to me why can't you just accept that?"

Shere Khan

(Fun fact his name translates to "Lion King" in Persian. Shere being the direct translation of lion and Khan being a prefix (such as majesty) to a king or ruler. )  

Shere Khan is a complex yandere and can't really be nailed to a specific "type" he's protective of his darling, willing to kill anyone that so much as looks at them wrong. On the other hand, he himself adores tormenting his darling. Sometimes it's just flirting, making them flustered, other times it's raking his claw-like nails over every inch of their body until they're a bloody mess. Then there's just how obsessed he is with his darling, how they infiltrate his mind every second of every day. Even when the poor man is asleep all they can think of his lover.  

The important thing to remember about Shere Khan is that he doesn't mean any malice, he doesn't do what he does out of spite or hatred but rather for both love and "fun", he's a bit like a puppy that doesn't understand that biting his harmful and instead sees it as a game. "hurting" his lover is just claiming them, heck Khan will be thrilled if his darling left their own marks on his body.  

"No matter how fast you run..."  

Khan is a rather cold lover, never really showing you much of his emotions, he's secretive, quiet. But he makes up for that with the gift that he buys his darling. Khan insists that his darling always dresses in the most lavish, flowing dresses. They must always look their best, after all, he deserves only the best.  

There are times when he'll be nicer towards his darling taking them out for walks or maybe even cuddling with them. He does love the feeling of warmth that his darling radiates. His favorite thing to do his lay down in the sun with his arms wrapped tightly around his lover and just drift off to sleep.  

"..I Will always find you!"

[dreamylyfe-x]

11x04: NIMBY Reactions

Oh my God, that’s the good stuff right there. I’ve been hanging on for the middle of the season, where I have felt pretty certain the tone -- with Gallavich particularly -- might shift and I was NOT disappointed. 

So first thing’s first: though Mickey had barely anything to do with the A Plot (Milkoviches Next Door) I still thought this episode was the best  Mickey-being-Mickey-as-I-know-and-love-him  episode we’ve had yet. (Though fair warning, I thought 11x03 had some quality classic Mickey in it -- just mostly the scenes without Ian.) 

Before we get started on Mickey, though, this is the second episode in a row where I’ve enjoyed the Frank plot? Granted, it was LARGELY Liam that I enjoyed, but I was still watching the Frank plot and that is a major shift from season 10, where I barely bothered. 

But yeah. Ok. Mickey. This episode was such a great Mickey episode from start to finish. One of the things I love about Shameless is the whole thing where normal for kids living in desperate conditions, while very different from most people’s normal, is still normal for THEM. And I really enjoyed Mickey watching the Milkoviches move in while giving the Gallaghers key intel on exactly what they were seeing. And kinda understanding how messed up some of it was in real time. That’s a real experience people have -- being mid-story and suddenly thinking “Yeah. This is way more fucked up than I realized.”  

I also enjoyed the several moments in the episode where Mickey overtly acknowledged that his family is insane, he just doesn’t like the Gallaghers looking down on him. Which: valid. 

Speaking of -- finally we find out the state of the Mickey-Terry relationship. Which is: there isn’t one. Another thing I loved is that Mickey shares the desire to see his family move on, but he’s not going to bother engaging with it. He’s going to work on getting him and Ian out of there, and pay hardly any attention to his family. Love that for him. 

I also love love LOVE that, now that he has a bead on something to do for money that doesn’t fill him with dread, Mickey is taking the same attitude he had when Ian was working and he wasn’t -- which is that he’s going to take care of things. As someone who was baffled at Mickey’s inaction and willingness to let Ian do all the work in the first few episodes, I really loved this. Because it’s consistent and it indicates that his world view just kinda like... Someone has to be taking care of the money part, and that might shift back and forth between him and Ian, but the result of the effort is going to be shared between them. I understand where Ian was coming from -- especially when Mickey kept returning to criminal enterprise -- but it’s nice to see a little more of how Mickey views things. 

Also, I know this is very well observed, so I’m retreading well-worn ground, but the scene with the cereal. Gah. I love it. Ian regressing -- I know they gave us the shot of the bottle of Jamison, but I felt like they were getting their point across with the cereal and the cartoons. And Ian not answering or responding to Mickey right away was extremely evocative of Ian’s history of depressive episodes. I loved how forthright Ian was about how awful the prospect of finding another job was, because it’s covertly agreeing with everything Mickey was saying in the first few episodes, too. 

There are so many little things I like about this scene. Mickey coming down the front stairs instead of the back, like he intuitively knows where Ian is at. Ian watching Harley Quinn cartoons, as both an in-joke AND as a believable cartoon choice. Mickey picking up the bottle, checking it’s weight and then just... moving it a little to the side. Mickey putting himself between Ian the TV. Mickey already having a plan for Ian. Just so much good stuff in there. 

Also, let’s talk about Ian for a minute here. One reason I hesitate to call anything OOC with these two is that the book generally isn’t closed. I really didn’t get the “I’m on my honeymoon” stuff, but after this episode, it folds in a lot better with what is going on with these two. Another thing that folds in better is Ian’s mounting frustration -- which is VERY Ian. He starts out with this forced buoyancy -- we’re going to get out own place, you are going to get a legal job so you can stay out of prison, I am going to make this warehouse gig work, and even though I’m frustrated and losing patience, I’m still trying to talk things out, and touching your hand and trying to ground everything in the fact that we’re together and we love each other -- and then we see that get chipped away at. Ian’s paycheque reveals that he’s being scammed out of a living wage. Mickey takes the road less travelled and immediately brings in more money that he’s every going to be able to get through the jobs he can currently get as a parolee. Mickey isn’t gracious about this, and the tension ramps up and that four episodes later he’s just walking around with a well-established and throughly justified black cloud over his head. 

The Milkovich’s really arrive like they’ve bought a White Trash in a Bag collection from Target. They seem to even have brought mattresses expressly for the front yard. 

OMG, Mickey got a scene with Sandy (and Debbie). But honestly, my favourite beat is the look Franny gives Mickey after he says kids are idiots. I also love how Sandy joins Mickey in just not seeing a point in waging battle against their family.

Lip, this is a little thing, but you aren’t supposed to eat breakfast, brunch, lunch and dinner. Brunch ideally REDUCES the number of meals you eat. But the key brunch move is to order something you can’t/wouldn’t make at home. Do not pay $14 for eggs and toast. 

So. Ok. I have seen some people very annoyed that Ian is so focused on Mickey not going back to prison, but I can’t see what is wrong with this. He just flat out isn't wrong to worry about it. It would be devastating if that happened. Mickey and Ian are extremely fortunate that he’s out at all. It’s a truly bizarre turn of events and I do not fault Ian for having a lot of concern about anything happening to jeopardize Mickey’s freedom. I also think this is confirmation that Ian just flat out doesn’t want to be without Mickey. I think he’s depressed -- and therefore extremely pessimistic -- in this episode, but there is far more indication that Ian wants Mickey around than that he doesn’t, so of course he’d be extremely focused on this concern. Also Cam puts some tremor onto “get sent back to prison” that really grabs my heart and squeezes. 

Cam in the towel is just good news. Mickey’s adorable with the gun. This scene is cute. 

This is the episode where I gave up on side-eying the Gemma-is-Superior running joke and just accepted it as kinda funny. Something about third-party confirmation. I dunno.

I enjoy the fact that Debbie apparently doesn’t know Sandy lives with them? Also, that feels like an Ian move. Gets boyfriend, moves in with boyfriend. 

The fact that Mickey is low-key playing Ian to get him to join him in this MUCH more promising venture is my absolute favourite. Bless the director for that foreground Mickey shot. Bless Noel for that nuanced facial expression. Bless everyone involved in that moment. It is one of my favourite things ever. 

I love that Ian’s whole reason for these outfits is so that Mickey will LOOK dangerous and not have to defend himself, thus staying out of trouble. That’s deeply, deeply sweet. 

Another sign that something is even more wrong with Frank than usual when he fully forgets the entire trip to visit the Brotherhood. 

I didn’t love V vs. Debbie but I really did enjoy Kev aligns with Frank, and also has a scene with Mickey. And that they weren’t silo’ed off on their own. 

So the eventual reveal we get that the old lady loves having rough sex with Terry was not a surprise to me because a) Shameless, but b) because of Christian’s face. Christian’s facial expressions are among my favourite on the show right now. 

I love this gif set by @sickness-health-all-that-shit.  What can I say except “look! Ian is smiling!” 

Mickey should be a better liar, but you know. He isn’t. 

I do like that, in this moment, the things they both bring to the enterprise come together to create a new possibility. This is pretty much exactly what I HOPED was going to happen and I love to see it. 

I think I’m going to ignore the Tami storyline because it was gross (not bad, but ... gross.) Also @fiona-fififi already wrote something that is much more comprehensive... I get the frustration, but just no part of me thinks Ian would allow himself to go where Tami did in examining what happened to her. Not at this point in his life. Which is sad, but very much in line with how Ian handles himself. 

Um. Yeah. Carl. Glad you’re not fully participating, Carl. But this is untenable. 

Overall, I am all the way in on this storyline for Ian and Mickey -- and pretty into the idea of V getting involved with politics. I think we’re getting all the seeds of where this show is going to leave the characters. And I haven’t loved every moment, but I do feel like the overall show is working for me better than last season. 

That might be faint praise. But I really liked this one. Best yet. 

[reinepadova]

To Be Seen

[←Previous]  | Chapter 3 |  [ Next → ]

‘A bird does not sing because it has an answer. It sings because it has a song.’ Will I be able to hear yours?

It's almost sunrise. Mei might wake up soon.

Stella let out a short, measured breath, wiping a hand on her skirt to get rid of the excess dust – and slime death, she mused in mild satisfaction – before reaching up to get to the next ledge.

Sudden tremors made her freeze. Her thoughts race at the impossibility of another attack when an ocher column emerged horizontally next to her with a small blast. She sighed.

How could I forget.

She shot steely eyes up, narrowing at the glowing horn tips peaking over the edge of the mesa, with the creature attached to them no doubt resting luxiously at the top while waiting patiently for her to complete her ascension.

They've been over this. It's like the creature's ears are merely decoration with how much it doesn't listen to her. “Mr. Guardian. Please. We're absolutely close now. As helpful as you have been, its time you return to protecting your area. Trouble won't find me again this time. I am sure of it,” she stressed, forcing more confidence in her voice than what she actually feels. She ignored the aches and pains in muscles she wasn't aware she had. Stubborn creature. Why won't it leave her alone?

Silence met her for a long minute, making her perk up.

Is it finally considering? Thank the ski –

A low, dismissive grunt and a visible snout, tilted upwards, made her eyebrow twitch and her whole body deflate. She pursed her lips, reluctantly pulling herself on the resonating stone with a wary eye, dusting her hands absently as she stood. When she turned bland eyes at the creature, calm amber orbs met her.

A tense stillness lingered, an edge of pressure settling in her chest as she maintained eye contact. Wills battled like an Electro Crystal, shocking and numbing you when you get in the way. It lasted for a long moment before the serpentine thing shook its mane once, flicking its tail broadly at her, reminiscent of how she would wag her finger at Mei after getting caught doing mischief. Stella fumed, eyes sharpening like daggers at the condescension.

They've been like this all evening until the early morn: her, trying to discourage it from following – nay, 'guiding' her way – while it persistently stuck at her side, snout prodding at her leg intermittently before pointing at another way. Admittedly, the turns and drop points it led to made the journey back easier – and safer – keeping well away from the groups of snoozing chubby geo energy.

When she tried to outrun it – after gesturing in appropriate gratitude, like how the people of Liyue would  –  its body coiled before spiraling up, graceful and grand, into the air, golden spikes shining against the moonlight, before facing her, eyeing her smugly, gaze now level with her own. Stella felt the heavy weight of her bag on her tired shoulder again as the floating guardian cruised easily, nudging her shoulder this time to another path unknown but undoubtedly still safe. Her patience grew thin, like waves eroding stone on the shore.

Stella squared her stance, determined to argue her case for the final time. “Look. I appreciate your guidance. But I just need to go over this hill and up to the Chief's residence. See those steps? They lead right up to it. So with all due respect, I request we part ways here. I'm sure you have better things to do than keep me company.” Mr. Guardian only blinked back, ever stoic, ever steadfast, like the rocks and gems it so resembles.

A different angle then? Stella cleared her throat, softening her tone. “As grateful as I am by your...escort, that place needs your attention more than me. Isn't that why you lingered? I'm not even one of the residents. I'm a complete stranger to these parts. You know this, yes? I won't loiter, I promise. I'll be on my way right after I get my charge. So just... ,” she huffed lamely, throwing a careless gesture behind them before climbing the final stretch to the hilltop, feeling the burn of golden orbs on her downturned face. An unusual sliver of guilt and sorrow grew, her heart thudded painfully with the weight of her emotions and the flash of dark memories.

In her world, all she knew was solitude. The discover of her unique blood, after an experiment gone wrong, made her both the target of envy, and adoration within their clan. An unholy reverence surrounded her person that no one is allowed to reach, to interact – less her value lessens.

If she bore children while in her 'highest' state – a form that fills her with self-loathing – she will produce perfection – or so her relatives would justify. Her descendants will be strong, beautiful, flawless. They can never succumb to any illness deadly to man, and will endure life with longer vitality. Her songs can soothe and heal, whether they be as benign as cuts and scratches, or as ruinous as broken bones or scalded skin.

Nothing is impossible – especially if you disregard the fact she'll feel the pain as each broken seam would stitch back together, each regeneration and painful growth slicing deep.

Hers was a life generations of her family has sought for, has craved for.

The power at their fingertips... no matter the cost...

She's the perfect bargaining chip... until she isn't.

I made sure of it.

Stella absently stroked at her abdomen, glancing at Mr. Guardian, eyes turning thoughtful as she focused on the present.

Nevertheless, no matter how less lonely she felt on the walk back to Qingce Village, she's not exhausted enough to forget her senses. She could just imagine how bizarre the sight of her will be entering the quiet settlement, a floating serpent at her side. The sight of gleaming claws and sharp teeth will cause a stir. And she's no fool. No matter how...subdued it seems, the power pouring out of its scales could not be ignored or understated. It's small stature is no doubt a front of what its truly capable of. It must be a guardian for a reason.

But, as intimidating as it may be, she felt... protected while in its presence. Safe. It's... nice.

However –

I can't get used to it. I just can't afford to.

If her guess was correct, the guardian is bound to this place, like all the other stone statues dotting in and around the village. As secure as she felt knowing someone, or something, will have her back, she knows once she and Mei returns to the harbor, she'll be the one to take care of things. She'll be the one that needs to do the protecting.

Until... until Mei is of age. Maybe have a family of her own. Someone else would cherish and protect her. And she'll... after that...

After that –

Stella minutely shook her head, stopping herself from letting her heartache show.

She won't linger on the thought, on the maybes or whatifs. That future is still so far away, so uncertain.

Even though she knows her future is uncertain –

Until then, I need to make sure Gran-gran's send off goes well. I just have to deal with life, one day at a time.

She eyed Mr. Guardian again, who remained unmoved, with a golden gaze both ominous and resolute. Its body was poised yet rigid, telling her how adamant the creature was about sticking with her until her journey's end.

She turned her head away, brows furrowing at the sight of orange light peaking at the distance, thoughts racing. The village may be full of the elderly and children, but they're hardworking, morning people, that rise with the sun. Spotting her and her unusual companion wouldn't be difficult. And because its full of the elderly and children, panic might erupt, causing unnecessary damage she knows she won't be able to compensate while already running low on energy – and mora. The Glaze Lilies she worked so hard for might also get lost in the process.

In short, not hiding the creature will be a hassle. And lastly –

Stella studied the stubborn creature as she rested a hand on her hip. A finger, tapping. “Alright, fine. You want to know why I don't want you going with me?” It tilted its muzzle, eyes turning intrigued. “I'm not exposing Mei to you. I promised to protect, and care for her. She already has enough heart ache as it is. I don't want her getting a heart attack from being face to face with something that has deadly claws and fangs.”

-{-}-

Golden orbs widened, thrown off guard by the admission – or was it a threat – the dig of claws on the ground easing. After a long moment, Morax could not help but chuff – the only way he could show amusement in this form – with eyes closing in relief, and great sympathy.

To protect with resolution. To uphold that which one has agreed upon with conviction –

The siren is more like a geode then. Many layers still guard her crystalline core.

He blinked, considering.

Morax then shook his mane, dismissing her worries gently, before floating up back at her side. He made one of his whiskers drift up, waiting until the lady directed her perplex eyes on him, before tapping at the end of her nose, chuffing slowly. She let out an indignant, but charming squeak, dispelling from the morose aura she surrounded herself in. He stretched out, encircling her form with his, and nuzzled softly at her shoulder. He paused, giving her time to make up her mind, before curling up more when he felt curious fingers slowly pet at his scales.

There is only so much he could do with this form, a far cry from the freedom that speech has granted him in his other when negotiating or imparting knowledge. It is... different, but not an unwelcome experience. He could only hope she is lucid enough to understand his meaning: comprehension, compassion, and comfort. For not only does he want any innocent under his watch, directly or indirectly, to go unscathed, but also to sate the growing curiosity he has for such an interesting entity – is she of the divine? Is she only mortal, but not of this world?

Will she be a threat to his Liyue?

He may yet know. Maybe not for a long time. But until then, he will oversee, he will keep watch – just as he has done for more than the past three millenia.

Hm. How peculiar. The thought seems... heavier, somehow.

Ah. He could feel the weight of her stare, full of disbelief. He refrained from snorting, giving her more time to digest that he's not just all brawn, unyielding like the Ice Crystals in Dragonspine. He can be as soft as clay when the need arises.

Eventually, her shoulders sagged, wordlessly admiting defeat. He closed his eyes again, satisfied.

Never has his persuasions failed. He is not about to break his record now.

-{-}-

Arriving at Granny Ruoxin's was easier than Stella thought, the sun barely peaking over Mt. Qingce. All was still and quiet, except for the bubbling waters and creaking wood from Ms. Bai's mill. She hurried, self consciously sneaking glances around her.

The moment they arrived at the steps, she turned and place her bag down, opening the flap.

“Inside,” she gestured with a pointed finger, raising a brow when the creature blinked back. “Since you seem unbothered of revealing yourself to people, I assume they're used to you here. But Mei isn't. I prefer controlling how you two would meet, even though its the Lilies I want to show her more.”

When the guardian narrowed its eyes, seeming to think it over, Stella closed her own, running a hand through her hair, channeling what remains of her composure.

Feeling movement and the soft brush of fur, Stella snapped her eyes open, seeing the guardian's tail curl up over the glowing blooms before settling, remaining still, like a large coil of braided rope around a wooden pole – except its a rock-like creature surrounding delicate little flowers. It's quite an enchanting sight.

Eyes softening, a small smile finally graced her tired face. “Thank you, Mr. Guardian.” She chuckled at the muffled, reply snort.

-{-}-

“You're back! Bekfast is ready~ Look! Mei helped Chief-dàmā lots!”

Mission failed.

Stella smiled, blank face a front to the series of fluctuating emotions coursing through her body. She watched the energetic girl stop long enough to set the table, tongue sticking out in concentration, before  hopping back over to Granny Ruoxin.

“Don't just stand there, young lady. Dust yourself off and eat your fill. Little Mei has been excited to let you try her, ah, version of the Noodles with Mountain Delicacies,” the village chief crooned, eyeing her bag speculatively, but otherwise said nothing else about her night run.

“Yes. I'll, ah, go do that,” she muttered, facing forward to hide her back better. Its either Mei thought I was out early morning, or she's more perceptive and more understanding than a little girl should be. Her shoulders sagged again. She's maturing too fast.

When the busybodies turned back to coo excitedly at the stove, Stella mutely trudged to the next room, arms hugging a few choice items she snatched from a basket on the way.

Shutting the door with a soft kick, she kneeled at a corner, arranging the apples and sunsettias in a neat pile before shouldering her pack down. Star dotted orbs welcomed her at the opened flap, before a long muzzle slipped out, sniffing curiously at her offering. She hummed, “It's not much, I know. Unfortunately, the meat can't go missing before breakfast.” Stella stood, wetting a clean cloth nearby to scrub at her dusty face. “You prefer that don't you? With those teeth, you're definitely a predator. Or are you one of those spirits that prefer something exotic? Like a dish with fins or tentacles or – ” The creature reared back, snout scrunching in offense. Stella stifled a giggle, surprised at the unusually strong reaction.

Looks like its not made of rocks after all.

She quickly moved behind a screen, both to hide her amusement and freshen up. “That's good to know then. We're a long ways away from the sea. Just thinking about going to the harbor and back here is already exhausting.” She waited until she heard the telltale crunch of fruit being consumed before taming her hair, and using another cloth to wipe at herself as best she could.

“Lala? Lalaaa! You're taking so long. Mei's food will go cold!” A loud bang and the rush of small feet, which skid to an abrupt halt, silence following right after. Stella knitted her brow, confused, before her eyes widened, struggling against her clothes, sweating again for an entirely different reason.

-{-}-

In the many years Morax has existed, conquering all that oppose him, that threaten the safety of his chosen land, he fought foes that would otherwise destroy the very flesh and bones of beings made less than the divine. He subdued those that were as fierce and explosive as lava, that were dark and deceitful as magma, and those that were as cold and savage as the wild waters of the seas.

But the age of gods and monsters have passed, and a new age arose. A prosperous age. An eon of peace, much soughtafter. An era where the fragile could grow freely, in between the cracks of devastation and desolation. To spread their reach, and flourish. To learn. To improve. To create. To thrive and beautify, until those years of senseless destruction is but a distant memory, a myth, to be debated until the sands of time bury it completely.

A time now, where a tiny babe could boldly approach him, awe and amazement coloring her diminutive features, before gesticulating in proper, albeit clumsy courtesy. A whispered “Bìxià” solemnly left her lips. He rested on his haunches, blinking slowly, before nodding in acknowledgement. The child suddenly turned away, as if nothing had happened, inquisitively digging through the opened pack. She squealed, understanding immediately where the glowing is coming from.

Such splendid manners from a child so young. Sharp as a blade, but still so carefree. She is well cared.

Before long, the Miss... Lala was it? – or was this just a demonstration of the child's affection to the lady? – stumbled from behind the privacy divider, stuttering an explanation for his presence. She stopped at the child's happy sounds, eyes wide. Her shoulders relaxed as he continued to eat his humble meal, eyes closing to hide his amusement.

Ha! So even a fiery siren such as she can lose composure. Fascinating.

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A/N: I don’t know why I’ve agonized over this chapter. Mostly about how Zhongli should be addressed. Ah well~

[the1stn0elle]

Attack on Titan Analysis Prt.1

This analysis will contain MAJOR spoilers for the AoT series, so if you wish to not have anything spoiled be warned now. This is also not a FULL analysis of the series since it is so ridiculously plot heavy. It would take probably over 100 pages for me to get to everything I'd want to, so this is all for now :)

Summary:

Attack on Titan (AoT) follows the story of a civilization of people forced into living trapped behind walls due to the fear of the giant human-like creatures called titans who thirst for nothing but human flesh and blood. Titans have terrorized the remainder of humanity for many years and the population has been kept safe behind the 3 walls Maria, Rose, and Shina for an entire century. The main 3 characters of the story Eren Jaeger, Mikasa Ackerman, and Armin Arlert witness the end of a century of peace as the colossal peeks above the 60-meter tall walls that have successfully protected humanity for 100 years and kick a giant hole in it, exposing all of the civilians to the horrors of the bloodthirsty titans. The 3 friends strive to become members of the survey corps, a group dedicated to protecting the people from titans and uncovering the many mysteries of the existence of titans; in order to reach their goals, they must complete grueling training to prepare them for venturing outside the walls to slaughter titans and bring the creatures to their extinction, but the duty of a corps member evolves being prepared for one’s likely and untimely death while fighting against the titans. AoT is a thought-provoking story that is based around perspectives and discovering the mysteries surrounding the near extinction of humanity. Questions are posed throughout as the plot is filled with twists and surprises, and morals are questioned as the viewers grapple with themes such as “do the means justify the ends?” and “who is the real enemy?”.

Analysis:

Part I: Erwin Smith

(MAJOR SPOILERS)

The Monstrous Commander

AoT is very morally complex in the sense that when an entire group of individuals risks their lives by going outside the walls to save humanity, an individual must lead the herd. Said individual goes by the name Erwin Smith, the commander of the survey corps. Erwin is an individual who must send thousands of his soldiers to their death during each expedition outside of the walls; Erwin’s a pretty morally gray character since his job is to ultimately save humanity but the question is at what price? Immeasurable sacrifices are made in the form of human lives as a successful expedition may result in the loss of more than 40% of the soldiers due to being devoured by titans. At an outward appearance, Erwin is a strong leader who is willing to become a monster in order to provide the eventual win of humanity over the titans, but when diving deeper into his character he is a man who is caught up in his childhood desire to learn all the answers to the mysteries about titans and the world that he lives in.

In these few panels, Armin Arlert picks apart how commander Erwin is an amazing leader despite what many people may believe since he has the ability to make sacrifices even though the outcome may be devastating as many lives will most likely be lost in the process. Armin’s opinion of a great leader is brought around again at different points in the story to emphasize its importance.

Part II: Eren Jaeger

The Boy who Wished for Freedom

Eren Jager is the main character of AoT and might be one of the most dynamic characters in his amazing character development throughout the story. Eren starts as a hotheaded teenager whose only desire is to eradicate all the titans after witnessing his mother and hundreds of people die after the collapse of wall Maria by the colossal and armored titans. His bloodthirst for killing the titans is unnerving in its intensity but he’s become dedicated to the cause because he no longer wishes to live like cattle enclosed in walls for the rest of his life. Eren’s core value throughout the entire series is freedom. Each and everything Eren does is to attain freedom in the hellish world he was born into. His value of freedom is most notably portrayed when Eren is out with his father Grisha Jaeger to visit the Ackerman family; Eren finds Mikasa in her home with the dead bodies of her parents accompanied by dangerous individuals attempting to kidnap her. Eren’s solution to the situation is to aid Mikasa in killing the individuals who have murdered her parents. The turn of events is quite frightening as both Mikasa and Eren were only 10 years old at the time, but it highlights Eren’s desire for freedom. He saw that Mikasa’s freedom was being threatened and he felt so passionately about this that he was not fazed at the prospect of killing the kidnappers who were trying to steal someone’s freedom.

Eren and Armin are able to bond over an illegal book that has drawings and descriptions of the world outside the walls and both boys instantly develop the desire to travel outside the walls to go see the vastness and beauty of the ocean. It serves as a goal to mark their eventual freedom from the terrors of the titans.

After the breaching of wall rose by the colossal titan the cadets experience their first real mission and witness many of their comrades die in the jaws of titans. Eren has headstrong and confident as ever lands himself into the stomach of a titan after protecting Armin from being eaten. Eventually, it is revealed that Eren can turn into the creatures he despises with his whole being. A titan. Following the discovery, Eren, Mikasa, and Armin are tasked with the challenge of trying to convince the leaders of the military factions that Eren is on humanity’s side and will not resort to killing more people. The major event is followed by many trials and questions in whether or not Eren is a threat to humanity until he is finally taken into the care of the survey corps where commander Erwin and “Humanity’s Strongest” Levi Ackerman are finally able to convince the military police to give them custody of Eren. It is concluded that Eren is to be kept alive as a comrade of humanity as he claims that his childhood home in wall Maria has a basement that holds secrets about the titans.

A Life that Carries Weight

As the story progresses, Eren goes from a headstrong hothead to a boy that carries an immense amount of weight on his shoulders. Eren realizes that his very life holds a great weight; many soldiers and civilians die for the small thread of hope that the Jaeger home’s basement holds important information about the titans that will lead to the victory of humanity. The world of AotT is nothing short of being bleak and void of hope so it is understandable that Erwin and other members of the corps are willing to take the risk because what do they have to lose? Up to this point, Eren has faced numerous great losses ranging from the death of his mother, learning how he caused the death of his father, his most trusted comrades being uncovered as traitors, etc. Eren’s mental state is in tethers as he tries to come to terms with the meaning and value of his life and begins to wonder if he was ever “special” to begin with but has been burdened by a special path of life by his father. All of these events take place in the royal government arc of the story. Historia Reiss (formerly known as Krista), a character who was previously only in the background assumes an important role as it is revealed that she is some of the last bit of true royal blood left in the world.

Following Historia’s growing importance to the story, we learn more about the titans and where they come from. I won’t get into all of the technicalities of the 9 titan powers and whatnot but the most important fact to note is that all titans existed as humans at some point in time. Due to the complexity of the topic, I will only graze the surface and state that humans become titans with an injection of spinal fluid from an individual of Eldian descent, this includes almost all of the humans that reside within the walls (I will come back to this sometime later). Rod Riess, Historia’s father has received help from the interior military police to capture his daughter and Eren to have Historia inherit the power of the attack titan which is currently held by Eren (was given to him by his father Grisha). Eren snd Historia learns that the 9 major titan powers are passed down when one consumes the individual possessing the power; this means Rod wishes to have Historia eat Eren so she gains the attack titan power, meaning the power will be in the hands of a pure royal and only those of royal descent can fully harness the power of the 9 titans.

Eren’s capture by Rod is marked by the total collapse of Eren’s mental fortitude as it all but crumbles when he discovers the crimes his father has committed and the consequences of his actions that have led Eren to shoulder such an enormous burden that the once confident boy has lost all hope in himself and his existence.

Now before I get into the next few parts of Eren’s development I have to address the powers of the attack titan, the power that Eren currently possesses. The individual who carries the power of the attack titan can see the memories of their future inheritors which equates to the user being able to see the future. Up to this point, it has been confirmed that only those of royal blood can fully utilize the 9 titan powers. can

Following the events between Rod Reiss, Eren, and Historia, Historia is tasked with taking the throne as the current king is a fraud. At Historia’s crowning ceremony and the ceremony to commemorate the few survivors of the battle at shiganshina where the corps was finally able to uncover the truth about the titans with the information in Eren’s basement, a simple touch of Historia’s hand grants Eren to fully use the power of the attack titan and the future is revealed to him.

The scene marks the complete loss of the Eren Jaeger the viewers are familiar with and marks a new chapter in the story because at this point forward quite literally everything changes.

[letusmeetagain]

Some thoughts about the ending and what wasn’t told...

It got so difficult to write about SnK.

First, the most important reason is my work. I’m overwhelmed with things I have to do. Another reason is that I was told my English is not really good so it ruins the message I’m trying to tell. Since then I’m trying to avoid English but I wanted to write a last post.

Regarding the manga itself.. I’m not really satisfied with the way last chapter presented things. Yet it’s not that it was a lot of things that I missed. Just some lines or panels that might have helped that some topics weren’t so... misleading like Armin thanking Eren. Some panels showing what kind of things won’t happen anymore without titans. The point I get is that Eren vanished the main reason division was anchored in. Yet humanity can find new traits to justify division as it happens in the ending. Eren’s doing might have built a brick between both sides. Muv Luv ends like that. The main problem, the connection with the aliens, vanishes as Sumika dies but the battle between humanity and the aliens just started. The main point is that humanity has now better chances althought it isn’t for sure they’ll survive. That kind of ending makes you ask yourself if all this journey and the sacrifices were worth it as we don’t get to see the true results. It’s a choice... I don’t complain about it. But it explains that feeling a lot of fans had while reading the last chapter.

The difference between Muv Luv is that we get to see Takeru reacting to Sumika’s choice and death. On that matter, there’s a conclusion we see ON camera. Isayama chose to leave it up to the reader, as something evident yet unspoken.

Knowing his inspiration sources, where he took his concepts from, and knowng that some things weren’t explained because he hadn’t time/will to do it... It’s like knowing how things could have been but we got this. That increase the level of frustration to me.

There weren’t any moments where we get the last lines about his truth (those that were presented at the last exhibition) and how Eren may have cared about it. In the last chapter he says he doesn’t want to die yet he doesn’t think he could be forgiven. After that, Armin cuts it leaving it open... as well as the part of him letting Dina eat Carla....

There’s important material missing:

A lot of fans got mad at Eren acknowledging that he was the reason why his mother died. I took it differently. He caused indeed Carla’s death. But it was to preserve the storyline as it was. He had to sacrify her although he didn’t want it. If you hear what Ted Chiang (the author of the main story of Arrival) explains about the knowledge of the future, you’ll get a glimpse about quantum mechanics and how determinism and free will are considered in Arrival. You can either understand it like what Nietzsche presented (as a way to be truly free because your will is to live fate as it is) (2) or understand it as Chiang explains (1).

There are two important points on that:

1. The acceptance of something you already saw because it happened and it’s unavoidable and thus future is happening at the same time as present and past so there’s no lineal progression.

2. The acceptance of the future because it will lead you to something you want to experience. In Arrival: the mother chooses to have her child although she knows she will die... but she doesn’t want to lose the opportunity to know her and live with her despite the pain of losing her.

So... Eren make this hard choice just to mantain things as they were. He was somehow forced to. The flaw here is that there’s no highlight on the reasons why this was more important. There’s no true development on the things he gained doing this sacrifice. We are asked to fill that hole: It’s apparently more important that everything happens as it does in order to accomplish what we saw in the ending...... that still didn’t happen.

Titans aren’t there anymore. But the walls are still there. We are supposed to understand that there’s a possibility that things get better. Not being able to touch something for sure makes Eren’s choices and sacrifices weaker to the reader.

Sushi (oldsummerdream) told me it was a sort of non ending... Of course it was.

I appreaciate how realistic it was. That’s how humanity is. That’s what happens in Watchmen... another inspiration of Isayama. I’m glad he didn’t write his ending like that. In that story, one superhero starts a plan against humanity, something like the rumbling and wants to make another hero responsible for the attack so humanity works together against him and stop fighting each other. In the ending of the film, we see a journalist getting a diary that tells the whole truth hinting that the whole plan to unite humanity would fail soon as they get to know it was his plan.

Thank god it wasn’t like that in SnK. In this story, we are supposed to think that Eren knows for sure Armin will reach a world without walls as he states “You will save the world”.

I personally accept it. It would have been better if he said something like “I saw it”, “I’m sure you will. I trust you”. Isayama’s lovely grandiloquence was missing as it wasn’t really impactful.

What I really missed is where Eren comes to know somethin about him and Mikasa’s decision. The process of him maybe not being proud of his doing but as someone who helped humanity to have a chance. He parts way with the world not being able to understand Ymir, Mikasa nor himself. That happened maybe... but off camera. That he knew the results of Mikasa’s choice means that he was still able to see and that he didn’t left the world.

By touching Ymir and gaining power he became a sort of god... yet his power as god was limitated as he couldn’t really understand neither Ymir nor Mikasa. Yet he got to know the future of a world he isn’t part of anymore. He remained as an observer through the birds.

It’s interesting to compare him to the main villain of ARMS. Eren didn’t want to become god at all yet he gathered some characteristics of one.

Regarding the connection between Mikasa and Ymir... In ARMS both, Ryo and Katsumi, come in contact with Alice and build a relationship with her to the point that she reborns as their child. Here there’s not contact between Mikasa and Ymir yet Mikasa was the one who saved her. Eren has no idea why.

We, as readers, have the task to fill this hole with asumptions. I don’t think it’s impossible. But since that’s the most important part of the last arc, I wouldn’t have minded if Armin made a wild guess about it helping Eren to understand it. It wouldn’t have been weird of Armin to do such thing. That they stated that love means freedom and from that on trying to dig into Eren’s motives to start the rumbling instead of leaving it as an uncertaing uncontrollable drive he had since his birth.

On that matter, Isayama chose to show us that Eren concept of freedom was based by his nature and that wasn’t up to revision or discussion since he can’t explain it. But this: we have Eren’s drive of freedom (was it inherited from Ymir maybe?) and the freedom that only love can give.

Was it enough for Ymir to witness love? Why wasn’t it enough for example to watch what Levi did for Erwin? Let’s say that she wasn’t able to look the whole creation. So it was needed to set her free... but how two different individuals showing love for each other is enough for her to ease the pain of her unrequited love? It’s interesting.

I was called out for asking for a closure for her. I don’t see why it should be wrong to develop at least how she left the world and how looking at Eren being granted what she couldn’t get for 2000 years would be unnecessary as she was an individual and the cause of everything. A closure for Eren is not so related to her, moreover when he couldn’t understand her.

Just a statement made by other character could have helped.

On the other hand, we never got to know why Falco received the memories at Slava. It also seems to be that Armin knew Eren would say to Mikasa that he wanted her to be free and Mikasa knew Eren visited everyone. Something like that made me believe that they got a certain amount of knowledge but there were no further explanations about it.

I wonder now what was that thing he couldn’t draw for the last chapter. The impression I have is that he couldn’t really plan the last chapter but he had to finish it no matter what. I also understand how the industry works and how the process of creating something works... sometimes, a work can be modified... So I guess we might see some minor(?) changes in the last volume and the anime.

[theholycovenantrpg]

CONGRATULATIONS, KIERSTEN! YOU’VE BEEN ACCEPTED FOR THE ROLE OF EPHEMERA.

Admin Rosey: There is something incredibly arresting about Ephemera that I thought would be difficult for someone to capture. There’s something powerful and pivotal that surrounds her - it’s why so many had fallen to their feet in order to worship her. Kiersten, you captured that perfectly. Absolutely perfectly. There line that stuck with me, throughout the application, was this:  Ephemera is, quite simply, a terrible beauty. That is what I always saw Ephemera as - terrible and beautiful. The kind that defines the divinity of angels. I am so incredibly excited to welcome Ephemera to the dash, and you to the group! Please create and send in your account, review the information on our CHECKLIST, and follow everyone on the FOLLOW LIST. Welcome to the Holy Land!

OUT OF CHARACTER

Alias | Kiersten

Age | 22

Preferred Pronouns | she/her/hers

Activity Level | I’m entering my final year of university with the lightest credit load I’ve had since sophomore year, but I’m also in the process of applying to post-grad programs ( :/ ) and co-editing an anthology for one of the departments here on campus. With that being said, I hope to get a reply out every other day, or once every two days. However, I’m chaotic and oftentimes mean to hold and/or queue replies, but end up flooding the dash. If I could give you a number, it’d be 6/10, realistically, but I’m pretty much always around on Discord to plot and/or chat!

Timezone | EST

Triggers | REMOVED.

How did you find the group?  | #thctalk :*

Current/Past RP Accounts | LINK, LINK, LINK

IN CHARACTER

Character | Ephemera - The Virtue of Prudence (with a FC change to Levy Tran, if you please? uwu)

What drew you to this character? | Ephemera is, quite simply, a terrible beauty. I’ve always been enthralled by angels and their place in different aspects of existence--as messengers, saviors, harbingers of punishment, and more--but I never quite thought of there being an angel like Ephemera and I love her all the more for it. She is a true free spirit, she is the best and worst of God; she is the first mortal to be granted wings and instead of crumbling under the weight of the honor, she rose to the occasion and exceeded expectations. She’s a glorious being deserving of adulation… How could I not be drawn to her? 

What future plots do you have in mind for the character? | 

i. Just as it was God’s folly to give His beguiling creation wings, it was His folly to dictate that she be named Ephemera. There is power in a name, and Ephemera’s literally translates to “something that is enjoyed for only a short amount of time.” How, then, is it her fault that longstanding peace knows no home in her celestial frame? Because of this, I can easily see the Virtue as a near vulture of sorts, just waiting to capitalize upon the misfortune of those beneath her. I don’t think it would be out of character for the conqueror of an angel to pick at the fraying tendrils of peace throughout the lands while Michael and his advisors are none the wiser, instigating discord whenever she deemed it politically smart—for herself, that is. 

ii. It is not often that a deity such as herself sees what could be considered an equal in someone else, but such is the fate of Ephemera and DMITRI. He is the Horseman of Conquest and she is conquest’s keeper—she, who’s known nothing but adulation for her victories as both a mortal and an angel; she, who bested her own Creator at the end… And wouldn’t be opposed to besting the Horsemen, either. I would love to explore the dynamic between these two on a micro-level (with Ephemera trying to strategically mold Dmitri into the harbinger of Death that she believes they are to be, for example), but also the dynamic between them on a macro-level that is inclusive as the HORSEMEN as a unit, as well. One of the oldest tactics of war is to divide and conquer, and the idea crosses the strategist’s mind every time she sees the Pale Horseman. What would it take to force one entity into four, all just ripe for her taking? What would Ephemera give to have such power at her fingertips? Further still, what would she do with that sort of power? 

iii. She could have sworn she was careful enough--she disposed of plucked feathers by fire, she made sure to appear wounded when necessary, and more--and still, she was brought to stand trial for her sins against her Creator. Ephemera certainly did not out herself to God, so who did? With this plot, I would love for Ephemera to search for whoever told her Creator (a CHERUBIM, perhaps?) about her stints as a god in her own right. She is haunted by the mistake even though things have turned out well for her because she doesn’t know what she did wrong--and how could she refrain from repeating her mistake if she knows nothing about it? 

iv. Ephemera is all-too aware of BASTIEN’s obsession with her--her battle stories, her military presence, her sharp mind--and is often annoyed by his incessant behavior, as she finds it difficult to believe that the mortal hasn’t yet realized her disinterest in him stems from the fact that she’s deemed him unworthy of her undivided attention. The angel knows that the Avalos man greedily laps at whatever scraps she deigns to toss his way, and, sometimes, the information she tosses his way is rotten; sometimes, she gives half-truths and embellished accounts of her encyclopedic war accounts, or gives withering comments about his militaristic plans even if she agrees with them for two reasons. The first is that she hopes it negatively impacts the whelp of a mortal enough to leave her alone, and the second is that she hopes it also negatively impacts the mortals’ military forces--especially as times become more and more strenuous between demons, angels, and mortals.  

v. Eternity is a long time to exist without amusement and she is so grateful for CADE BEKKER and his utter disdain for everything, for he is her favorite plaything. She knows he sees her as a beast waiting to be befelled, but does he not know that the Virtue evaded and had a hand in the death of God and has no qualms about doing the same to him? She is content to watch him seethe, but she wants more. I love the idea of Ephemera taunting Cade so much that it eventually does end in a fight--but one that he started, one that she can justify to herself and the others. A Virtue versus a Gifted… What a bellicose event that would be!

vi. The GIFTED are the mortals that catch Ephemera’s attention with begrudging ease (even more so than the REINCARNATED), and of the Gifted, she takes most caution around REVNA VOLK. The Virtue’s mind is her prized possession, and Revna’s very existence serves as a threat to it; as such, Ephemera is keen on keeping an eye on the mortal to ensure that she’s not blindsided by anything she does; when she looks at Revna, she feels feelings of bitterness--not because she thinks she’ll ever fall victim to the Daughter of Lies’ tricks, but because God’s divinity makes a mockery out of her as it settles in Revna’s bones. (Even in death, it seems that God intends to taunt her and keep her chained to Him in some way). This one is really open-ended and it can go a couple of ways: with the angel trying to take Revna under her wing in order to keep herself safe (similar to the way in which God brought her closer to Him despite her transgressions against Him), or she could work to make Revna’s life difficult in the Holy Land by advocating for things that would negatively impact her or keep her from gaining any more traction in the political realm. 

vii. They say that like calls to like and that both angels and demons are but two halves of the same coin—and, perhaps, in the rawest of terms, they are correct. Like the demon that she is, SALOME pulls a viciousness from Ephemera that reminds the angel of the Old Testament God—of a God that was divinely terrible and possessed a haughtiness that so often informed the deliverance of punishments to those who couldn’t help but fall short of the expectations placed on their incapable shoulders. God found it easy to lose Himself in His throes of battle and glory and passion, and there’s a part of Ephemera that clings to His likeness despite her repeated successes at besting Him; she, too, finds herself susceptible to His same weakness. 

Most mistakes made by the Virtue of Prudence are never capitalized on, as they’re so few and far between and tend not to be egregious enough to exploit; however, time is as merciless as she, and it exposes what few chinks do exist in Ephemera’s armor while also giving Salome time to start to understand. I’m really excited to play out the relationship between these two beings, especially as Ephemera simultaneously believes she’s better than Salome, but knows Salome can capitalize on her mistakes--and oh, how she detests the way the demon smiles when she knows the angel has made an error! 

viii. Ephemera feels as though she chose MICHAEL as much as he chose her, which is why she feels comfortable enough to lord her part in Caelum’s creation over his head, should he begin to forget that it was her military brainchild that led to God being tossed from Heaven and her battalions that stifled the even the strongest of Heretic strikes. For now, she is content to remain by his side because he affords her freedoms that God was too cowardly to, but ephemera are not meant to be enjoyed for eternity. What would it take to turn the mind against the body, the Virtue against the one who bequeathed her such an honor? How would the King of Caelum react to being extorted, in a sense, by his own military advisor?

Are you comfortable with killing off your character? | Yea! It be like that sometimes but so long as it makes sense, serves the plot, and befits the glorious conqueror that is Ephemera I am down to clown uwu

IN DEPTH

Driving Character Motivation | 

(Ephemera has always been divine, but she’s not always been an angel; as such, her driving motivation has changed with her!)

  As a MORTAL, Ephemera was driven by SUCCESS. Her life was hard-won and something she snatched without so much of a second thought; she wanted to be brilliant, and so she was. She was the first woman to rally her people to prestige and glory and led them to prosperity with her wisdom and iron-clad fist; she made a lover out of Death time and time again, but always evaded both it and God because she is bigger than them both and her successes attest to this. 

As an ANGEL, however, she quickly realized that successes (even awe-inspiring ones like her own) were dimes a dozen and was left wanting more, wanting something of substance in an eternal life rather than worshipping God without end. She found solace in her own FREE WILL and never looked back—but who can blame her, as she is only adhering to God’s wish for His beloved creations? Ephemera values herself and her freedom above all else, but even she knows that the strongest of generals need legions behind them; she stays aligned with Michael and his kingdom because she wants to, not because she must. 

In-Character Para Sample | 

“What do you have to say for yourself, my child?”

She expects nothing less from God, who loves her so that He wishes to give her a chance to explain herself. Fool, she defiantly thinks as she stands at the throne of her Creator, head unbowed and expression unfazed. The angel waits to respond, forcing an uncomfortable silence upon them both--and God, enraptured with His own work, allows her to do so and again bring attention to His folly. He is steadfast in His love and grace with her especially, as she is closer to his truest loves--his mortals--than any of the other celestial beings that gather to watch the sentencing of the woman whom they believed never truly deserved her place among beings as divine as themselves. 

Ephemera knows what is expected of her: utter repentance, a grand show of regret and sorrow, and a promise to never again commit such an offense against her wondrous Maker again. She has seen it before and it only further stoked her ire against the selfish God that holds her here in a farce of a trial in an attempt to break her will and reinstate His place as both the Alpha and Omega. She will now bow nor will she beg for forgiveness; if anything, He should be prostrate at her throne, begging for her forgiveness as it is His wretched desire to keep his favorite mortal in his dominion like she is a pet. She is unapologetic as she responds, voice unwavering: “I have done no different than You have done Yourself.” 

The silence of the throne room shatters. Cherubim cry out in disgust at such blasphemy; Seraphim gasp and whisper, eyes wide with disgust that someone they called a comrade would do something so heinous. God raises a hand and the outcries stop; He looks to his masterpiece expectantly, and Ephemera continues, “In the presence of Your own omniscience, I spent centuries disguising myself as a mortal to once again feel more than loathing.” 

The pain that flashes across His face is genuine and full of agony; it’s an expression Ephemera knows because she’s seen it flit across the visages of others she’s conquered throughout her lifetimes as Athena and Nike, Minerva and Freya. And still, she does not bend at her knees and profess her love; she remains upright and earnest--and how could she not, when she’s done nothing wrong? 

“My creation,” God says, “you know the cost of such transgressions.” 

She does. She’s heard tales of Moloch and Chemosh and Dagon; she knows the penalty of disobedience is the stripping of wings from bodies. She’s been told of the excruciating pain, of the near demonic screams that spilled from the angels’ lips as God punished them enough to traumatize them with pain, but not enough to offer the sweet outlet of ceasing to exist--and yet, she is more bothered by His language. Ephemera can’t help but bristle as He, even when threatening her with a wingless existence, lays claim to her as though she did not mold herself into the wonder that she is.

“Rip my wings off.” It’s a bold challenge that once again riles the watching masses. They call her a heretic, a foolhardy mortal who deserves to return from the same dust from which she came--and God does nothing but drink in the sight of the beguiling creature at His throne that refuses to pledge her loyalty to Him and not herself. 

How can He condemn her to such a painful existence? She is one of his finest creations.

He lifts a mighty hand and she braces herself for pain, but does not balk or cower. His fingertips run down her ivory plumage, paying careful attention to the places she plucked to masquerade as a mortal. Ephemera clenches her jaw and it remains locked even as His touch leaves her wings. 

“How could I, my Ephemera?” And so, He decides to draw her closer to Him still in spite of her blatant sins against him. She is a Seraphim--His Seraphim--and He all but chains her to Him by revoking her privilege to traverse alongside mortals and ordering that she stay close to His side via pretentious titles such as general, His strategist, His masterpiece, and more.

Ephemera loathes Him all the more for it.  

Extras | 

headcanons.

The Virtue’s wings seem to mimic her sword, in the sense that they, too, glisten as though they were cut from unforgiving ice. Ephemera’s lush, ivory plumage is, upon close inspection, flecked with gold; however, the silver tips of her feathers are far more noticeable, allowing for a more ice-like appearance. When she used to parade as a mortal, she would pluck her own feathers to make her wings less full and easier to conceal. It must be God’s favor, then, that still shines on her, as there is no evidence--save for the phantom sensations prickling against her skin--of her past actions. 

Ephemera’s companions throughout her eternal existence have varied, and they are often depicted at her side by the devoted mortals that dubbed her their goddesses--Nike, Athena, Freya, and Minerva--and etched her glorious likeliness into word, gold, and marble. Her companions, too, came from those devoted mortals, and Ephemera strategically chose which animals to accept as gifts and keep at her side. These animals, kept by the angel throughout her stints as different mortal deities, include: a barn owl, a white King Cobra, a wild boar, and a silver dapple Arabian horse. 

No longer needing an animal to symbolize herself to the mortals of the Old World, Ephemera made the decision to stop keeping companions and instead chose to focus on plans to overthrow God. Since then, however, the angel has acquired a red fox companion--but if you ask her, she would assert that the fox chose her, as the animal followed her home from the forest one night. Ephemera ignored the vixen at first, but soon found herself amused by her wit and overall penchant for chaos. Ephemera named the fox Gloria--a nod to the Latin word ‘gloriae’ that is synonymous with immortal glory, fame, renown, praise, and honor.  

The Virtue of Prudence keeps no written records of her strategies, aside from the plans she gave Michael in response to and as a show of her allegiance to the dissatisfaction that led to the usurping of God. 

Ephemera is, in some capacity, always prepared for battle. Conquest and the desire for victory run rampantly through her veins, and growing comfortable in her surroundings is tantamount to accepting defeat and complacency--both of which, of course, are absolutely unacceptable for this divine conqueror. Because of this, the angel is incredibly observant and never leaves without her sword, even though she has rarely used it since the quelling of the God and, subsequently, Heretics. 

personality inventory.

Nine Moral Alignments: Chaotic Neutral - The Free Spirit

+ | opportunistic, adaptable, innovative -  | self-serving, bellicose, disharmonious

MBTI: INTJ - The Architect + | independent, jane-of-all-trades, driven -  | judgemental, blunt, secretive

Four Temperaments: Choleric 

+ | practical, passionate, ambitious -  | cruel, proud, offensive

additional extras. 

PINTEREST: here

MOCK BLOG: here

[autumnslance]

((Originally begun as response to a prompt (that ended up another entirely), this got away from me and became it’s own thing. Since it’s a FFXIV Write 2020 freebie day, time to finally yeet this draft out after sitting on it too long. Also below the cut for those who prefer Tumblr.))

“We have time before these negotiations resume,” Merlwyb said. “I suggest we stretch our legs and clear our heads before meeting with the Emperor again, now we have a firmer strategy.” The others readily agreed.

Nanamo grabbed Alisaie’s attention about another matter, leaving Aeryn free to slip outside. She waved past the Alliance guards to go a short way down the path to a small, rocky clearing she had noticed earlier. Both forces’ camps sat on either side, but straight forward were the dark hills and valleys of Ghimlyt. Not the most calming or picturesque view she had ever beheld, but more open and empty than a tent full of politicians and soldiers.

The footfall of a man in heavy armor was unmistakable, and she looked back to see who had followed, blinking in surprise at an unaccompanied Emperor Varis, his guards left several yalms away. “I had hoped for a chance to speak privately,” he said.

Aeryn stood stiffly, watching him. “I wondered at your request for my presence. I’m not much for politics—my skills lie elsewhere.”

“I am well aware.” He tromped up alongside her, his own gaze looking over the landscape. “I wanted to take more of your measure, given our last meeting was cut short.”

Aeryn shrugged. She turned back to the scenery.

Varis frowned. “No accusation or rejoinders? Or have you learned the futility of such from your leaders?”

She disliked how he said that, but kept herself neutral. “There’s no point. We were both there.” Her Echo caught a whisper, as she remembered who else had been in Ok’Zundu that day. “But you weren’t there,” she added quietly. “When we faced Zurvan.”

It was his turn to stiffen and Aeryn almost found that impressive, given how rigid the man already was by nature. “I have heard the tale from my soldiers. But I would hear it from you, eikon slayer.”

“We fought back and forth across Azys Lla in the course of our research into the Warring Triad,” Aeryn began bluntly. “As we did, it became apparent that the failsafes the Allagans built into the facility had been purposely sabotaged from the beginning, to allow the imprisoned eikons their freedom. A plot of the goddess Sophia’s followers, hoping to rain her and Bahamut’s wrath both upon the old empire. That didn’t happen, and so they waited for four thousand years.”

“Until the Archbishop’s foolhardiness woke them, and drew our attentions to Azys Lla and its potential,” he said.

“Its nightmares,” she answered. “The creatures and machina remaining are twisted. Little good can come from what torments they inflicted on others.”

“Perhaps you are lacking imagination. A debate for another time,” Varis continued, almost hurriedly as she glowered up at him. “I wish to know about Zurvan, not the lesser creations of Allag.”

Aeryn grit her teeth and gazed out across the fields again. “The archons set wards to keep Garlean soldiers out of the facility. But the damage done by Sophia’s minions had been enough. Even only half-awake, the Demon’s power broke our wards.”

She looked to Varis again. “That’s when van Hydrus came to us. Our prior clashes had ended in stalemate and escape. That time, he asked for our aid. His soldiers were struggling to keep Zurvan’s minions from waking their master, despite the risk to their own minds—and when we arrived, many had been turned, fighting their own squad mates.”

 The floors slick with blood, the screaming sounds of those centaur-like beings, the guttural roar of the eikon itself as it half-woke, Regula’s weapon cleaved in twain…

“How did Regula die?” Varis asked when she was quiet for too long.

Aeryn took a moment to clear her throat. “There were...aether collectors, to feed Zurvan and grant him strength. We had to disable them. But only three of us could get close: myself, another Scion with the Echo, and a boy who also bears the Blessing—our expert on the Warring Triad.” She noted his ever-deepening frown but continued.

“The archons tended to the wounded, trying to get as many as possible away from the eikon. Krile and I fought our way through and broke our generators, but Unukalhai was hesitant. For all his knowledge and skill, he’s still a child. So the Legatus dove into the fray to protect the boy and destroy the generator. Which he did--But Zurvan had awoken enough to take a swing to defend his thralls. His sword broke Regula’s. And…” Aeryn stopped, realizing she was hugging herself as she remembered.

Before Varis could speak she continued, letting her arms drop to her sides. “His last words were that he believed the Echo to be the only true way to destroy eikons, and so judged Unukalhai’s life more valuable than his own. He...spoke of you, what you did for him, and how he gladly gave his all in service. And he bade us complete our mission, end Zurvan’s threat.” She met Varis’ cold, dark gaze. “So I did.”

They were silent for a long moment. “Thank you,” the emperor finally replied. “The reports said much the same.”

“You thought I would lie about what happened?”

“No. All reports name you an honest woman. As I said: I simply wished to hear it from you.”

“I...I am sorry. For...I wish things had turned out differently.”

“Perhaps next time you won’t take a child onto a battlefield.”

She frowned up at him. “Believe me; I didn’t want to. But we don’t have a choice. And you don’t know all the circumstances. Unukalhai’s no ordinary boy.”

“But he is a boy. Unused to battle, and so one of our best, my onl--” Varis paused, taking a breath to collect himself. “You wonder why we call you savages, when you justify such.”

Aeryn bristled. “You have no room to talk. The empire’s no stranger to child soldiers--but I suppose they don’t matter if they aren’t Garlean.” She bit her tongue before mentioning the Resonatorium.

His lips pulled back in a sort of grin. “There’s the anger I expected. Nor are you above the same tit-for-tat as your leaders after all.”

“We can spit facts at one another all day. It doesn’t change anything.” Aeryn clenched her fists to stop their trembling--and the urge to throw a punch. That would be a helluva thing to do at a negotiation. Her eyes snapped up to his again. “Or are you trying to goad me?”

“Hrmph. No,” he said emphatically, and she believed him. “But we should each return to our respective camps, and make preparations for said negotiations to continue.”

Aeryn took a shaky breath as she stepped back. She did not trust herself to speak--she had no conscious idea what to say--so merely nodded, not looking away from him.

After a long, awkward moment, he finally broke eye contact and turned, stalking back to his guards, armor clinking with each weighty step. Aeryn waited until he was out of sight before returning to the Alliance side.

Lyse was waiting for her near the large tent set up for the parley. “There you are!” She exclaimed, relieved. “Were you talking to Varis just now? Or was I imagining things?”

Aeryn shook her head. “Not imagining. He was asking about Regula van Hydrus, and the Warring Triad.”

“The legatus of the VIth Legion?” Lyse looked down. “Honestly, I’d forgotten; you ended up working with him in the end, right? He saved Unukalhai.”

“And I told the emperor so,” Aeryn admitted. “According to some of Regula’s soldiers, he was Varis’ friend.” She frowned, looking toward the Garlean lines. “Maybe his only one.”

“Don’t tell me you’re feeling sorry for ‘His Radiance’?”

Aeryn scoffed. “Hardly. More...understanding, I think. Or trying to. What would that do to a person; to have only one other that you could trust and rely on?”

“And then lose them?” Lyse finished. They exchanged concerned looks, before Lyse let out a deep breath. “I think that’s enough sympathizing with the devil for one day. Come on; the others are waiting.”

The Alliance representatives were stunned by Varis’ candor and zealous proclamations. Aeryn could barely hear the others' responses, thinking instead of Gaius Baelsar’s own impassioned speech as they had ridden the lift down to the Ultima Weapon.

He had called Eorzea a land riddled with falsehoods, lies propped up by weak leaders to placate a weaker populace. But if what Varis said about the first emperor--his own grandfather!--was true, if everything about the Imperial agenda was just another scheme of the Paragons...

Nanamo’s certain voice began to cut through the haze. Aeryn focused on the Sultana, her own surprise giving way to pride in the young ruler, how far she had come since their first meeting under the Sultantree.

“And you, Warrior of Light?” the Emperor demanded. “Would you refuse me as well?”

Aeryn felt everyone’s eyes turn her way. She wished they wouldn’t; the attention was as smothering as an Ul’dahn heatwave.

She met Varis’ gaze. “Your prize is a lie and your masters demons,” she said bluntly. “I’ll stop you and the Ascians--no matter what.”

He sneered. “I thought you had more sense. Don’t you see? Regula was right! The Echo is crucial not only to ridding the world of eikons, but in saving it entirely--returning it to its original, natural state. That is what the Ascians mean--and what they fear in you.”

Aeryn glared. “Regula died because he believed another’s life worth more than his own--his last words were of service, of stopping the eikons and their followers from causing a Calamity, not helping them bring more about! If you think after all we’ve struggled through and accomplished, that I would ever agree to mass murder, then you didn’t ‘take my measure’ at all. I’ll defend Eorzea--this entire world--from your madness with everything I have.”

It was more than she usually said at such meetings, and she felt her friends’ eyes on her even as she and Varis glared at one another.

“It would seem the Alliance is of one mind on this matter,” Nanamo said firmly.

The meeting ended as Aeryn had assumed--despite all hope--that it would. She kept her eyes on Varis until he had swept out to bring the Empire's hammer down upon Eorzea for their defiance.

She wished, once again, that events in Azys Lla had ended differently. Perhaps losing his singular friend had left Varis no one else to discuss matters with, had left him open to the Ascians’ manipulations and the wild idea that any scheme was worth it to defeat them at their own game.

Thinking back to the empty bodies currently in the Rising Stones’ infirmary, Aeryn could almost understand such desperation.

Almost.

She joined her comrades as they prepared for war.

[arnoldjaime13]

Blog Tour- BETRAYER by @ANConway With An Excerpt & #Giveaway! @RockstarBkTours

 I am thrilled to be hosting a spot on the BETRAYER by Nicole Conway Blog Tour hosted by Rockstar Book Tours. Check out my post and make sure to enter the giveaway!

 About The Book:

Title: BETRAYER (The Dragonrider Heritage #2)

Author: Nicole Conway

Pub. Date: February 23, 2020

Publisher: Broadfeather Books

Formats: Paperback, eBook, Audiobook

Pages: 352

Find it: Goodreads, Amazon, Kindle, B&N, TBD, Bookshop.org

Read for FREE with a Kindle Unlimited Membership!

The darkest secrets of Murdoc’s violent past may be their last hope.

As pressure mounts to find the Tibran witch, Devana, Thatcher and his companions struggle to regroup after discovering Phillip’s bitter betrayal. Forced into hiding while they await a new plan of attack from Prince Judan's network of spies, tensions rise and threaten to tear their company apart. Murdoc knows every second they linger risks another attack from the vicious Ulfrangar Assassins or Phillip, but Reigh is determined to stay and await new instructions.

With two of his closest friends now locked in a battle of wills, Thatcher is caught in the middle—until a surprise assault by the Ulfrangar drags him into the darkest depths of their brutal order. Faced with a life-and-death race against time, Murdoc is the only one who might be able to save him now. But for Murdoc, taking up an assassin’s blade again to fight the same order that trained him will also mean facing the worst demons of his past.

Can Murdoc finally rise above his bloody past and save his only friend? Or does destiny have a new path in store for an assassin-turned-hero?

 About Book 1:

Title: HUNTER (The Dragonrider Heritage #1)

Author: Nicole Conway

Pub. Date: November 24, 2020

Publisher: Broadfeather Books

Formats: Paperback, eBook, Audiobook

Pages: 352

Find it: Goodreads, Amazon, Kindle, Audible, B&N, TBD, Bookshop.org

Read for FREE with a Kindle Unlimited Membership!

One boy must earn the trust of a blind dragon and hunt down an elusive sorceress before she can rekindle the war that nearly destroyed their world.

As the Kingdom of Maldobar emerges victorious from the brutal invasion of the Tibran Empire, much of the land is left in utter ruin. With his home destroyed and family gone, 16-year-old Thatcher Renley has no one left to turn to. And when he’s mistaken for a Tibran soldier and banished to a wartime prison camp, Thatcher knows his only hope for freedom lies in appealing to Queen Jenna directly.

But getting out of the prison camp might be the least of his worries— especially after he stumbles across a feral dragon locked in an iron cell.

As far as dragons go, Fornax is a lost cause. The battle that killed his rider also left him blind and too aggressive for any knight to control. But Thatcher can’t deny feeling drawn to the beast. Does he have what it takes to calm Fornax and join the proud ranks of Maldobar’s dragonriders? Only time will tell. And with a bloodthirsty Tibran witch threatening to rekindle the chaos of war, everyone’s time may be running out.

 Excerpt

PART ONE

Murdoc

Chapter One

Thatcher Renley was, by far, the biggest idiot I had ever met in my entire life—and that’s saying something, because I’d also met Prince Reigh Farrow. He was in a close second. But at least he had enough common sense to know that this so-called hunt Queen Jenna and Jaevid Broadfeather had sent us on was essentially a glorified suicide mission. We were charging straight into a fight with a largely unknown Tibran witch, armed with only fragments of information about her abilities and location. And if that weren’t enough, there were only three competent fighters among our group—dragons included.

Granted, Reigh could manage decently against common enemies. He’d apparently been trained in combat by the Gray Elves, and their scouts had recently improved in their fighting ability. They must’ve stumbled across someone with an actual brain who was now training their scouts and warriors. Knowing that, Reigh had probably held his own fairly well in Luntharda. But we were a long way from the wild jungle, and sooner or later, that temper of his was going to cost him.

Phoebe was … well. Hmm. Perplexing, I guess. She fluttered around with her mad storm of red curls flying, bubbling like an excited child about the projects she was working on, and radiating a relentless optimism that sort of made me sick to my stomach after a while. Not that she annoyed me, really. It was just strange to be around someone that persistently happy all the time. Happiness wasn’t something I’d had much experience with.

Which brings me back to the biggest moron of them all who, unfortunately, was now both my primary concern and the bane of my existence. Thatcher was astronomically stupid. Honestly, it was staggering he’d survived as long as he had without someone following him around, smacking his hand whenever he was about to try something dangerous. He’d volunteered for this mission without having any combat training of any kind. He was a farrier’s son, for crying out loud, and was essentially the human personification of a dandelion puff. Short, scrawny, wide-eyed, and baby-faced—he didn’t have a prayer of surviving this mess unless someone watched over him constantly.

How, by all the Gods and Fates, I had wound up being that person was still beyond my understanding.

Ugh. Fine, fine. I’d done it by choice, I suppose. Sort of, anyway. I mean, sure, I could have left him there in that alleyway in Thornbend to die along with most of the other peasants and villagers. Maybe that would’ve been kinder in the long run—especially if we were all soaring toward a gruesome death right now. Still, in that moment, with all the world swallowed up in flames and that pitiful kid on the ground at my feet, I’d looked into his eyes as he spoke to me, offering me a different path I’d craved for so long. And I’d realized … no one had ever talked to me that way before. Like I was someone and not something. No one had ever treated me that way. No one had ever looked at me and regarded me like … a person.

So, I’d made a rash and irrevocable decision. A mistake, probably. But then again, I’d been swallowing back hopes of escaping that life—the life of an Ulfrangar assassin—for as long as I could remember. That night in Thornbend had been my first real opportunity. The only catch was, of course, keeping the baby-faced kid who kept calling me “friend” alive, too.

Thatcher treated everyone that way, though. It’s like there was no room in his mind for the possibility that a person really could be evil. Shocking, considering the vacant way he stared at me sometimes—like you could pass a twig through his ear and it would come out the other side and not hit anything in between.

At first, I’d just assumed he was incredibly sheltered or naïve. Maybe he was. But after our experience with Phoebe, finding out that she had been a Tibran, I’d expected him to reject her entirely. Anyone else probably would have. Whether out of shame or fear, she’d kept that information from everyone.

But Thatcher had insisted on helping her. He’d forgiven her without a second thought. He was stupid, yes. But he was also far kinder than anyone could ever deserve.

Least of all me.

He still called me his friend like it was nothing. He laughed and chatted with me as though he genuinely enjoyed my company and wanted me around. He kept chasing after me whenever I tried to put some safe distance between us. Didn’t he get it? Couldn’t he sense it at all? I was not a good person. I never had been. I’d accepted a long time ago that no matter where I went or what I did, the pack—the Ulfrangar—would always own me. They’d carved their mark upon my soul from the very beginning and nothing could erase it. Deep down, I would always be one of them.

Even now, sitting behind Reigh astride his lithe green dragon, the weight of their presence crushed down over my body from every side. They were everywhere and nowhere. They moved in shadow, lived in anonymity, and thrived on the constant stream of the world’s darkest secrets. There was no place I could hide, nowhere I could go that they wouldn’t be able to reach.

The more I thought about it, the harder it was to justify why I’d let Jaevid set me free—even if I knew the answer already. Because of Thatcher, the idiot. No one seemed to know what he’d done to provoke Devana and her new monstrous minion, Phillip. Maybe nothing. And honestly, I didn’t care. It didn’t matter. They wouldn’t put a hand on him if I had anything to say about it. He’d called me a friend—someone who was like a brother to him—and that was enough. It was more than anyone else had ever done for me my entire life.

We cruised, riding the strong winds coming in from the sea along the eastern coastline. The tower of Eastwatch faded behind us, and far below, small villages and towns dotted the hills. Most were a safe distance from the steep cliffs that dropped into the toiling dark ocean—places where wild dragons liked to nest. But the farther we flew to the north, the more the cliffs gave way to rocky beaches. Fishing towns were built right up against the banks amidst the clusters of odd, hexagonal basalt columns and massive trunks of washed-up driftwood from Luntharda’s giant trees.

Dayrise stood just a few miles inland, stretching all the way to the sea where a large port was packed tight with big merchant ships. The vessels cruised in from the open sea, white sails puffed and banners fluttering high as flocks of seagulls chased them in. Most were probably owned by merchants happy to be sailing their trade routes again now that the Tibran war was over.

Not that I’d ever been to Dayrise myself, honestly. The Ulfrangar network spanned far beyond Maldobar’s borders, but the territory I’d been assigned to work was back down on the southern tip of the kingdom. I’d never had any reason to journey this far north.

Too bad it didn’t make me feel the least bit more secure.

A glimmer caught my eye far in the distance off our right side—the tell-tale flash of sunlight over glossy scales. A dragon. He was far off, maybe three miles on our tail, and had been since we left Eastwatch. From so far away, I couldn’t tell much else. Maybe it was just a security escort from the dragonriders keeping an eye on us from afar. Maybe it was a curious wild drake that’d caught wind of the dragoness in our group and was interested in her. I didn’t know.

And when it came to being followed, I hated not knowing.

The sight of those faraway scale flashes and the faint shape of great dark wings flapping put a pang of dread like a cold iron spike in my gut. I looked away and set my teeth against the rush of adrenaline that made my skin tingle and my heart pound like mad. I’d have to mention it to the others eventually. But not yet. I needed more information, first. To be sure this wasn’t some arrangement Jaevid had put in place because, well, he now knew what I was. He had every reason to be concerned and to want to keep a close eye on things.

Or on me, rather.

Reigh started our descent as we neared the city’s outer limits. I had no idea where we were supposed to go or who Jaevid Broadfeather had waiting for us. Hopefully not another noble with an estate we might accidentally burn down. Well, sort of accidentally, anyway. And technically we hadn’t been the one doing the burning, but I digress. Whatever. Burned is burned, I suppose.

Unlike Eastwatch, the city of Dayrise wasn’t one visited by dragonriders on military orders on a regular basis. There was no towering spire meant to house soldiers and mounts looming over the rooftops, and no high city walls topped with battlements. Not that we got any strange looks as our dragons circled outside the city’s outer limits. In fact, there were more than a dozen sizable inns crowded around the main roads leading in and out of the city’s tightly packed streets. Many of them were flanked by massive barns two or three stories tall intended to house dragons.

Reigh chose one closer to the port on the western side of the city and guided his green dragoness into a smooth landing. She cupped her wings and stretched out her hind legs, landing on the grass as elegantly as a swan on a pond.

Thatcher’s much larger orange drake landed next to us, shaking his black-horned head and puffing unhappy snorts through his nose. The dragon curled his long, striped tail around his legs and bristled, small ears turned back as those milky green eyes darted around.

I frowned. Thatcher trusted that beast wholeheartedly. But I’d seen it drag him across the horizon like caught prey once already. Thatcher had been lucky to walk away from that ordeal—luckier than anyone else seemed to want to acknowledge.

“Let’s get Vexi and Fornax settled here and find our contact,” Reigh called back to me as he straightened in the saddle. He pulled off his helmet, nearly slapping me in the face with the end of his long, sweaty braid in the process.

“This is an old city,” I muttered as I studied the road ahead that led into the narrow cobblestone streets. “Places like this tend to be dangerous after dark, and there’s only a few hours of daylight left. We should go quickly.”

He unbuckled and dismounted first, then stood sorting through his saddlebags while I climbed down. “I agree. Which is why I’m leaving you in charge of this.” Reigh took out a small drawstring purse, poured a few gold coins into his palm then tied it shut again and tossed it in my direction. “Our contact is supposed to meet us at the sign for the Crosswall Docks. They’re probably already waiting on us. Think you can find it? Taverns with dragon accommodations are harder to come by here, and we need to keep a low profile—meaning, we stay away from the ones farther into the city. So, I’ll settle up for the dragons here and meet you there.”

The purse jangled when I caught it, as though there were still quite a few coins tucked away inside. “You expect that to take a while? We need to stay together.” It wouldn’t take that long, of course. I knew that as well as he did—meaning he had another motive for wanting a few minutes alone.

“I’ve got some letters to send back to Luntharda. Shouldn’t take me more than an hour,” he replied, bowing his head to hide his face as he crammed the handful of coins into his pocket. Reigh’s emotions ran so close to the surface, it was ridiculously easy to read him even with his face angled away. Judging by the scarlet color his ears were turning, these must have been personal letters. Letters to a girl, most likely. Love letters. Ugh.

He would’ve made a terrible assassin.

“And who is it that I’m supposedly looking for at the docks?” I pocketed the bag of coins and ran a hand through my hair, trying in vain to get it out of my eyes. Months away from my former life had allowed it to grow out longer than it’d ever been before. I’d have to fix that soon.

Reigh’s expression scrunched as though he were trying to think—emphasis on trying. Complex thought didn’t seem to be one of his stronger qualities. “He didn’t say specifically. Just that we’re looking for another Broadfeather. His brother, probably. I can’t recall his first name, but I met him briefly after the war ended.”

“If we go on ahead, how do you intend to find us later?” I arched an eyebrow.

He shrugged. “Looking for someone named Broadfeather at Crosswall Docks? That’s plenty to go on. I’m sure someone can point me in the right direction.”

Fair point. A last name like that was one people generally remembered, after all.

“Did you see all the ships?” a sing-song voice chimed suddenly. Phoebe practically fluttered over to stand beside me, her red curls bobbing around her and her big, blue eyes shimmering with excitement. “Aren’t they beautiful? Can we go see them up close?”

Reigh’s entire demeanor soured as he stood straighter. “Didn’t see enough of them while you were sailing around with the Tibrans, conquering other kingdoms and slaughtering their people?” He growled every word through his teeth as he leered down at her.

She shrank back some, almost like she might duck behind me if he made a move toward her. “O-Oh, um, well, no. I mean, yes, I did have to sail with them. But Lord Argonox didn’t allow me to leave my cell or go up onto the deck during—” She stopped short and went quiet. Her brows drew together as she flicked speedy, nervous glances around everyone. “I-I’m sorry,” she stammered at last, as though she couldn’t think of anything else to say.

Reigh didn’t respond. Instead, he glowered down at her with his mouth mashed into a tight frown. His light amber eyes flashed with a mixture of wrath and what I could only guess was withheld terror.

I’d seen that look before from my Ulfrangar handler whenever I’d challenged or defied him, as though for the briefest instant he wasn’t sure if he should hold his ground or flee. And while I could sympathize to a degree—after all, Phoebe had apparently been the one in charge of all the magical experimentation for the Tibran Empire—she was about as threatening as a freshly-cut daisy on her own. She probably weighed seventy pounds to his one hundred and fifty or so.

Awkward silence hung in the air until Thatcher drifted over to join us, sporting his usual, blissfully vacant grin. “Are we staying here for the night?” he asked cheerily. “I’ve never stayed at an inn before. I thought Jaevid had arranged for us to stay with someone in the city?”

With a tight sigh, Reigh spun on a heel and gestured for Thatcher to follow him. “He did, but we’ve got to get the dragons settled and I’m betting yours will need extra assistance. So, come with me. Murdoc, you can take her and find our host. We’ll catch up.”

     Phoebe didn’t say a word for a long time as she followed along close beside me. Lugging her bag of gear over my shoulder, I tried not to look her way more than necessary. According to Thatcher, I gave the impression that I was glaring whenever I stared at someone for too long. No need to make it worse.

Besides, one glance was all it took. The distant fogginess in her eyes as she stared down at the sidewalk put an uncomfortable tightness in my chest. I should say something, right? That was the normal thing to do. Wasn’t it? Gods and Fates, how was I supposed to know what normal was?

“You should stop apologizing,” I blurted before I could change my mind. My tone came out much harsher than I intended, as usual. Curse it all. I should have kept my mouth shut. Silence was always safer.

Phoebe tripped over an uneven stone. She staggered, and I snapped my free hand out. I seized her arm to hold her steady.

She let out a scream. Not a surprised little yelp—a real, primal, utterly terrified scream. Phoebe went completely stiff in my grasp, blinking up at me with her entire body trembling.

What? Why would she look at me like that—like I was about to do something terrible to her? I’d never raised a hand to her. Was it because she knew I was an Ulfrangar now?

Before I could ask or even say a word, her entire expression suddenly went blank again. Her body relaxed and she glanced around, seeming confused for a moment. “O-Oh! Murdoc! I-I guess you startled me.” She blinked up at me, face flushing almost as red as her hair. The forced, twitchy smile on her lips looked almost painful. “I’m so sor—um, I mean, thank you.”

I slowly let her go. “I … I didn’t mean stop apologizing in general. I meant stop apologizing to Reigh.”

Phoebe swallowed hard. Shifting her weight from one foot to the other, she fidgeted with the embroidered hem of her long tunic as her mouth scrunched up. “I, um, well, I mean he is right to hate me. I did—”

“I know what you did,” I interrupted as I began walking again. “Most everyone does now, right? But Queen Jenna forgave you. The Court of Crowns absolved you. You’ve apologized to everyone over and over, including Reigh. You’ve made changes to your life to become something better now. No one can ask any more of you than that.”

“But he still hates me, doesn’t he? He’d probably kill me if you and Thatcher weren’t here.” She trotted to catch up and fall in step next to me like before.

“There’s nothing you can do about that. You can’t change your past or erase what you’ve done. And because of that, some people will always hate you. Even if you do everything right from now on, it still won’t matter to them. They will never be able to see you as anything more than what you were,” I tried to explain without biting every bitter word through my teeth. “But that doesn’t mean you should go on groveling for forgiveness. You’ve done your part. Forgiving you is Reigh’s problem now. So let it go.”

She didn’t respond right away. For a few more blocks, she followed along in total silence while we wound our way through the city’s narrow streets toward the sea. Then I felt the pressure of her wide, blue-eyed gaze on me again. It hit me like the glare of the sun, making my skin tingle. “Aren’t you afraid that people won’t forgive you for being an Ulfrangar?”

I paused at a corner before a broad, open square. In the center, a white stone fountain sprayed ribbons of water around the bust of a man in battle armor. He stood tall and proud, his eyes seemingly focused right on me, with a helmet under his arm while his other hand rested on the pommel of the sword belted at his hip. A dragonrider, most likely. But not one I recognized.

“That’s different. I don’t expect them to forgive me, so it would be pointless to ask for it,” I confessed as I held the statue’s frozen gaze. “The people who know what I’ve done could never truly forgive me. Like King Jace. And the ones who don’t understand only offer their forgiveness because they don’t know any better.” I flicked a look down at her. “Like Thatcher.”

Her mouth scrunched into a dissatisfied little frown. “What about Lord Jaevid, then? He knows, doesn’t he?”

I couldn’t keep the irony from my tone. “No. Not really. He’s gotten a small taste of it, so now he’s suspicious. But he doesn’t understand the extent of what I am.”

“Well, I forgive you, Murdoc,” Phoebe announced, a rebellious crease in her brow. “So which am I, then? Someone who understands? Or someone who doesn’t?”

I had to think about that.

The Tibran Empire had paid hefty sums to hire out Ulfrangar assassins and spies throughout the war. Phoebe had probably seen others like me before, if only in passing. She’d certainly seen all of the evil and unbridled cruelty that could come from a man like Argonox. In fact, she had probably witnessed and experienced more of it than even she could remember. But did she really comprehend what I was? What I’d done to survive up to this point?

“Could you forgive Argonox?” I countered. “Or any of the soldiers who were in charge of keeping you obedient? What about the ones who put those marks on your skin?”

Her face slowly drained of color. “B-But you didn’t do tha—”

“I’m no different from them,” I cut her off quickly. “You strip away the emblems and the banners, the flags and the creeds, and you’re left with the same thing. At its roots, evil is evil, and it doesn’t matter what you dress it up in. That’s why deep down, I’ll always be what the Ulfrangar made me. I’ll carry their darkness in me until the day I die.”

“You really think that?” Her voice was hardly more than a whisper. “You truly believe you’re evil like Lord Argonox was?”

I set my jaw and looked away. No matter how I turned the words in my head, none of them sounded right. I couldn’t bring myself to answer. It wouldn’t matter anyway. Clearly, she couldn’t understand. We were nothing alike. Phoebe hadn’t chosen to become a Tibran. She hadn’t chosen to do all of the things Argonox had forced her to do. But there had been moments in my life, a few vile moments steeped in malice and blood, when I had. I could have rebelled then. I could have let the Ulfrangar kill me for my defiance and ended it there. But instead … I’d accepted that fate. Wanted it. Thrived on it.

Sometimes, I’d even enjoyed it.

That was the part of myself King Jace would never trust—the part Reigh, Thatcher, Jaevid, and Phoebe should have been disgusted by. But they didn’t know.

And I had no idea how to tell them.

  About Nicole:

Nicole is an award-winning, #1 international bestselling author from North Alabama. With a passion for relatable, authentic characters and exciting, fast-paced plots, Nicole is best known for her series, THE DRAGONRIDER CHRONICLES. Other published works include THE DRAGONRIDER LEGACY SERIES, SPIRITS OF CHAOS SERIES, MAD MAGIC SAGA, and THE DRAGONRIDER HERITAGE SERIES (Coming Winter 2020).

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Tour Schedule:

Week One:

2/22/2021

Jaime's World

Excerpt

2/23/2021

Two Chicks on Books

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2/24/2021

Westveil Publishing

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2/25/2021

BookHounds YA

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2/26/2021

Lady Hawkeye

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Week Two:

3/1/2021

A Dream Within A Dream

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3/2/2021

Declarations of a Fangirl

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3/3/2021

Jazzy Book Reviews

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3/4/2021

Books A-Brewin'

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3/5/2021

Lifestyle of Me

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3/5/2021

Hurn Publications

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