#... I always did say that I would write an essay about luke

[somewhereincairparavel]

Hey, thanks for replying to my previous ask! and don't worry about the time it took to reply, I understand needing to recharge in order to give your 100% on a reply.

Now about that villain Jason you were speaking of... do share your thoughts if you don't mind :)

i responded like. 10 days late I'm sorry I had so much to do and i didn't get the time to write such a long post- I'm scared if I lost my momentum on my essay writing skills but let's see if I did good on this one.

I have thoughts about this man especially villian jason, so let me begin. i know luke was considered as “what percy would've become if he did the wrong thing” but hear me out. jason being the one ‘hero’ demigod to succumb to his bitterness and didn't just solely exist in the series to be a villian, but a hero changed villian.

luke kinda existed in pjo to be an antagonist, but it would be great if a main hero character slowly descended to madness and I don't just mean going around killing people. no. not that kind of villian. because that defeats the purpose of jason's character.

I mean villian in the sense of a drastic change in his personality where he brings obstacles to the seven's missions emotionally or physically because of his trauma, and that's where dark! jason comes in.

after he regains his memories after he experienced the warmth of chb, he's pissed at how badly he was treated all these years in camp jupiter. he comes to a REALISATION that he was used.

people don't take jason seriously and say that he suffered the ‘least’ because he doesn't ever acknowledge his trauma. Not even to himself. of course the argument ‘he was raised this way, to supress himself!’ would be the explanation, but that doesn't even make sense, considering how much it's emphasized that jason ‘changed’ after his experience in camp half blood.

give me a jason who maintains his roman ethic but simultaneously inherits the greek demigod qualities, like self realisation, calling people out for the bad treatment, anger towards the gods, or just expressing himself in general. the argument of ‘he was raised this way, to supress himself! that's why he's so submissive’ makes me angry

give me a jason who's jealous of how quickly percy was accepted into camp jupiter, in contrast to how everyone in camp half blood couldn't stop talking about percy and never gave up on him. camp half blood was friendly to jason, but in a ‘yeah he's cool ig’ kinda way in comparison to camp jupiter's ‘HES OUR HERO, BOW DOWN TO HIM’ kinda dramatics for percy.

give me a jason who is disappointed at the lack of warm welcome he got when he returned, when he was clearly expecting more from them (does that make him look entitled? for wanting repayment for his service and kindness all these years? maybe. but that's the point he really needed to be an asshole sometimes and he's fucking right.)

give me a jason who takes some of the bitterness he has against his mom out on thalia, for not looking for him (yes it's not even remotely her fault for getting manipulated by her mom by thinking jason is dead, but see the parallels here? camp jupiter and thalia both got gaslit into thinking that jason is dead, that jason sees the correlation and it gives him ptsd) jason is jealous and bitter that luke and annabeth ‘replaced’ him as thalia's family. jason is jealous that thalia said ‘i have to look for percy’

give me a jason who's jealous of percy having such a huge support system like basically the whole of camp half blood, annabeth, grover sally and paul. and is salty that he had an alcoholic mother who wanted him dead.

give me a jason who feels distant from everyone, because in a way, he always was. he just didn't show it. his friendship with reyna failed, he was ‘rivals’ with percy, they became friends bit not best friends, annabeth was wary of him, piper dumped him, frank saw him as a historical leader, and hazel who once admired him, didn't really like him till the very end bc of the nico thing.

give me a jason who's cold to reyna after they reunite because he was angry that he was so quickly replaced, upset that reyna avoided him ever since the venus incident because he didn't understand why.

give me a jason who inherits his mother's worst traits despite that being his biggest fear. it would parallel very well, his mom descended to insanity because zeus abandoned her, give me jason who also descends similarly because he was abandoned by her. full circle.

jason's interaction with beryl should've been way more emotional and compelling rather than the 2 second bit we got tbh, most people don't even remember that scene, that tells you how short it was.

give me a jason who momentarily makes the room full of giants and monsters suffocate by harshly sucking the air without even realising it, because the sight of his mother made him so fucking angry and agressive, it triggers his PTSD and makes his mind THROB (but piper and annabeth are safe from that because they were the ones who anchored him to reality, regardless, they get terrified of how mad he got)

jason who actually remembers his childhood trauma VIVIDLY and reflects on it instead of brushing it off, please. people also, for some reason are more sympathetic to antagonists with tragic backstories? like luke? like they pity them over the morally good characters? idk but it tends be a tendency in most fandoms. I saw so many pinterest posts comparing luke's actions to jason's? like I'm sorry luke is a good character but NOT comparable to jason (who's a morally good ‘hero’ character) they're not even on the same level of moral goodness. but yeah, maybe jason would've gained more empathy from the fans if he were an antagonist, like luke is receiving.

[hughiecampbelle]

Dating Jordan And Having The Power Of Perfection Would Include:

Requested: Hey❤️!! Since your request are open I wanted to request something w/ Jordan Li. Jordan and Reader are dating & reader’s power of being perfect. Sorry if it’s too complicated and I do absolutely love your writing! - anon

A/N: I had this book as a kid where this family had powers and the mums was perfection and idk, it's so nostalgic 💕 I did make it a little darker so it's more in line with the universe. Thank you for requesting my love! I hope you like it! Feedback is always appreciated 💜💜💜

At first, Jordan hated you

The two of you were in constant fight to secure the second place/third place spots

Because of your abilities, you had perfect grades, perfect essays, perfect technique in fighting and training

You weren't exceptionally strong or indestructible, but you always knew the perfect way to take down your opponent

At events, your clothes and hair and jokes and words, everything was perfect.

You were the perfect face of God U besides Golden Boy

Your powers were non-threatening and would probably win you several jobs after graduation that others could only dream of - many of them for Vought

They could always use someone like you

You and Jordan met through Luke. When he said you were perfect, they thought he was kidding. When they met you, they realized who you were, and it instantly clicked: you weren't just good at what you did, it was impeccable

Because you were in constant fight for second place, because it was almost daily that your places changed and swapped, they thought of you as competition

It isn't until a gala do they see you as a person instead of a set of statistics and characteristics they have to be better than

You're all smiles talking to a group of older men, laughing when you should, making fun of them just enough so that they don't feel threatened. When they leave, you drop the facade, taking a drink off a silver platter and sitting beside them. Jordan notices this change, scooting closer to you, trying to sound nonchalant

"I didn't know you could have rough nights." They joke

You try to play it off, coming up with the perfect excuse, but they say you, they knew better than to believe you

You and Jordan bond over your equally terrible night: they open up about their parents wanting them to be one way when they're much happier as they are. You tell them about the growing pressures of your perfection

In elementary school it was a bit of a joke: you were a straight A student, you were good at whatever you tried no matter the experience level, you made friends easily. Your parents joked you were the best child they could ask for

When middle school hit, things started to change. The powers had been there since you were a baby (you rarely cried, you ate everything and never spit up, you were happy and easy and bubbly) but now you were old enough to realize you were different from everyone else. You picked up instruments you'd never touched before and was able to play them perfectly. Sports you had zero interest or experience in came easy to you. You tried to fail tests and mess up speeches and start fights, but something in you took over, something controlled you and made you do and say the right thing

By high school you weren't studying for tests or doing any of your course readings. You joined every club and extracurricular, showing up only when necessary. You slept through classes and tried to party as much as possible, but your body rejected every bad choice you put it through: you aced tests, you were exceptional in all your activities, even the alcohol you drank wouldn't touch you. You were always perfectly sober

You wanted so badly to fail, but it went against your nature

You weren't surprised when you got into God U. You had the best GPA, you wore so many chords at your graduation you lost count, you were exhausted from perfection. You needed a change and you hoped college would be that change

Jordan hadn't realized how confining perfection could be

You couldn't help but answer questions in class, your arm shot up, the words came out compulsively. There was no controlling it

After this, they see you so much more different than they initially thought

Jordan seeks you out after that, losing their typically cold exterior for a nicer, softer one

They used to blame you for their shortcomings, but now they realize it's quite literally out of your control

Hanging out more with Jordan

They kind of insert themselves into your life more, finding you between classes, switching seats to be near you, offering to help you with your physical combat. It's kind of a silly excuse, but they'd do anything to get to know you better

Despite not needing their help in combat, you say yes anyways

You love watching them switch between their powers

That is kind of your first unofficial date and, afterwards, they ask you out on a real one

You are, of course, perfect and they can't help but fall for you

Luke is the first to ask if you're dating or not

When you didn't have classes with Jordan, you had them with Luke, who couldn't help but notice the change in Jordan

They used to get so annoyed when he brought you up. Now? Now they were all smiles

Andre definitely made fun of the both of you (nicknaming you The Perfect Couple)

It earned him a punch in the arm, but there was no denying your perfection

Cate was glad to have another couple in the friend group

Eventually meeting Jordan's parents who love you instantly

"Y/n is pretty perfect." They say, only half-joking

Studying together all the time, your dates are pretty academia focused. When you're not worrying about grades and still fighting for the second place slot, Jordan is showing you off at the clubs in your teeny tiny, skin tight outfits

Despite being perfectly sober, you can still have a good time

They can't keep their hands off you when you dance together

Jordan isn't big on PDA, but they get jealous sooo easily and that's when they become handsy

Because you're perfect in every way, you find that a lot of people develop crushes on you. You make sure Jordan knows they're the only one for you

You love how driven they are, how passionate they are

You've never minded their powers and always want them in whatever form they take

To you, they are perfect. Yours might be compulsive, but they're all natural

Jordan comes to you with almost anything

When they see what Brink does to Luke, they keep it a secret, not wanting your perspective of them change because they'd rather stick with their mentor than their friend

You know nothing about what's going on the school. To you, everything is perfectly normal

[heliads]

sorry to send in two requests but if you've got the time Luke Patterson x reader where she is his tutor for English or something and he develops a crush, so even when he understands the stuff she's teaching him he pretends to be confused so that the tutoring sessions last longer. And then one day he gets a good grade and she's proud of him but that means the sessions are over so he builds up the courage to ask her out? You can put this at the bottom of the list or not even write it because I know how swamped your requests get, but ily.

do not apologize for two requests!! my blog exists for you!! and jatp s2 may be dead but my feelings for that show are not. xoxo

masterlist

Luke Patterson is currently fighting a one-man war against his English class, and he is losing. Badly. This was not supposed to be his problem class, he was thinking the biggest struggle would be math or science, but surprise surprise, there’s no such thing as a class you can just skate through. He tried to skate through English. He tried really, really hard, but instead of Spark Notes-ing his way through whatever classic book they threw his way, Luke’s staring at a bright red D on his latest essay.

This would happen to be the most recent essay they were assigned, the one Luke pushed off until the last minute because he was too invested in getting some good songs down on paper. He hadn’t meant to procrastinate, he never does, it’s just that whenever Luke had a spare hour or two, it’s always far more tempting to head out to the studio and mess around with some chord progressions than to do homework.

This essay had gone just like all the other ones so far this year. The book had been assigned, the essay followed not soon after, and Luke told himself that he was going to start it on time for a change. The only problem was that he came home late that day after a shift at his job, so he couldn’t start it that day, and then he was studying for a test the next day, and after that he was working on songs. Before he knew it, it was the night before and he was speed writing to get everything down in time. Luke doesn’t even think he had time to proofread before turning in that mess.

So yeah, he shouldn’t really be surprised about this grade in particular. Still, he isn’t pleased about it. He doesn’t want to see the look on his parents’ face when he dodges another question about his grades, nor listen to all the other kids in his class talk about how easy that essay prompt was. Everything just makes him feel worse.

And, if Luke’s day couldn’t get any better, his English teacher pulls him aside after class to talk about it.

“I noticed your last few assignments haven’t been going as expected,” she says sympathetically, “is there anything you want to tell me about that?”

There’s a lot Luke wants to tell her, such as the fact that this class is dry as a saltine and twice as bland. They’ve spent the last few classes just going over social hierarchies around the time when the book was written, talk about boring. If Luke wanted to study history, he’d read a textbook.

He can’t say all that without damaging his final grade even more, though, so Luke plasters on a grin and does his best impression of an earnest student who’s just had a bad string of luck. “Not really, I’ve just been so busy recently that I didn’t have enough time to really ponder the prompt, you know?”

Usually, this is Luke’s best strategy for getting out of these kinds of nonsense conferences. He’ll whip out a few key words like ‘time commitments’ and whatnot and his teachers will fall for it every time.

He might have done this too often, though, because his teacher just nods and refuses to let him go. “That makes sense to me. Do you think it would help to spend a little more time exploring the prompt or connecting the book to the essay topics?”

“Sure,” Luke says vaguely. He’s only half paying attention; he just saw Reggie outside the door mouthing the words what did you do?? as dramatically as he could.

The teacher looks pleased by this. “That’s what I thought. I’ve gone ahead and signed you up for some tutoring sessions, you’ll start this afternoon after school.”

Luke blinks. “Wait, what?” Clearly, he hasn’t been paying attention nearly enough. Since when was tutoring on the table?

The teacher spreads her hands. “You need a little more help and organization to stay on track. Tutoring is the perfect answer to this.”

“Is it?” Luke asks feebly.

“Absolutely,” the teacher decides, and that’s that. Luke tries to wheedle his way out of it through repetition of how busy he is, like, all the time, but it doesn’t matter. She’s caught him in a half-lie and there’s nothing he can do to avoid it.

Reggie’s waiting for Luke outside the door when he finally leaves. “What happened in there?”

“Pure misery,” Luke groans, and contemplates giving himself a concussion by ‘accidentally’ falling down the stairs so he can go home without having to go to tutoring.

Unfortunately, Reggie enlists Alex in keeping Luke free of head trauma, and so he finds himself in an empty classroom later that afternoon, mournfully watching all of the other students leave the school with no doubt wonderful plans awaiting them.

Luke’s just starting to wonder if his tutor isn’t going to show up after all (after fifteen minutes, he’s legally allowed to leave, right) when someone slides into the seat in front of him.

“Sorry about being late,” they gasp, “I just found out I was doing this like ten minutes ago.”

Luke breaks his desolate stare out the window to glance at his tutor and instantly, he feels the crushing weight of shame bear down on him tenfold. It would have been one thing to have a total stranger be his tutor, someone Luke could avoid looking at in the hallways and never speak to again, but he knows this girl. More importantly, he’s thought she was cute for at least the last four years.

This is the worst case scenario, then. Y/N L/N is smart, she’s pretty, and judging by the fact that Luke always sees her in a group of friends laughing at her jokes, she’s funny, too. Definitely someone Luke would want to impress through gigs or shows instead of, say, his crumbling English grades.

“I’m Y/N,” she says, and Luke realizes that she’s probably been waiting for him to say something. Great, he can’t even introduce himself properly.

“Luke,” he answers, “but you probably knew that already.”

Y/N laughs, and judging by the slightly manic tone behind it, she’s just about as composed about the whole thing as he is. That makes him settle slightly in his chair, lowering his guard. “I was told that I would be tutoring you when I was trying to leave class. Ms. Brown pulled me aside when the bell rang and told me about it.”

“That makes two of us,” Luke grumbles.

The corners of Y/N’s lips quirk up before she manages to tamp them down again, and if Luke weren’t totally out of his mind, he might even say that Y/N has the same attitude towards their English teacher as he does. That would certainly make this whole tutoring experience a lot more interesting.

“So,” she says, clearing her throat in an attempt to sound official, “you wanted to talk about essay pointers, right?”

Luke starts to say something about how he didn’t want any of this, actually, but Y/N arches a brow and he relents. “Yeah, essay stuff. The last one didn’t go over too hot.”

Y/N tilts her head to the side, contemplating this. “Did you agree with her grading?”

“Yeah,” Luke admits, “she wasn’t wrong to mark me down, I kind of did it the night before in one sitting.”

Y/N frowns. “Really? Why’d you put it off so long? I thought you liked writing. Whenever I see you, you’re always jotting something down in that notebook of yours.”

Luke grins. “You’ve been watching me? That’s creepy, you know.” He’s obviously holding back a laugh, though, so the comment has no trace of a barb.

Y/N rolls her eyes, although her face looks a little hot at the moment. “Just answer the question.”

“Alright,” he says, hands raised in mock surrender, “you’re right, I do like writing.”

“Then why wait until the last minute to do the essay? I mean, I get not having a ton of time to work on assignments, but if you really do enjoy writing, it shouldn’t be all that bad, right?”

Luke groans. “ This is different. It’s not fun writing,” he tries to excuse himself.

It sounds bad even to him. Already, Luke can see how this is going to play out– she’ll laugh at him, maybe, say that someone who just got a grade like him can’t possibly be thinking about writing and fun in any way at all. She doesn’t, though. Instead, she nods and smiles at him. A real smile. Not mocking in any way.

“What is fun writing, then?” She asks.

Luke blinks in surprise. “Well, writing songs is fun, I guess,” he stammers, “stuff that actually matters, you know? All these essays are the exact same, but songs are all different. That’s why I care about them and not some pointless paper.”

Y/N nods. “That makes sense to me. So you release music, right?”

Luke isn’t sure where she’s going with this, but he’s perfectly happy to talk about music instead of that offensive red scribble all over his paper, so he plays along. “Yeah, me and my band. We try to, at least.”

“Have you ever gotten a review that bothered you? Not because they didn’t like it, but because they disliked your songs for the wrong reason? Like you had a whole story in mind for your album but the critics just ignored it?” She prompts him.

“Yeah,” Luke says, eyes widening with irritation, “Man, it’s so annoying. You go to all the trouble of writing out these ideas, and you make them have a really good meaning, too, and then it’s like they never read it at all. It makes me so mad sometimes, I want to write a column or something in response about how they totally missed my point.”

“Like, say, an argumentative essay about the real strengths of your chosen piece of writing?” Y/N says as casually as she can.

Luke’s about to argue and say that’s not like this at all, but on second thought, it is. It totally is. “Wait, you’re right. I never thought about it like that, but you’re right. Y/N L/N,” he decides on the spot, “I really like you.”

She grins back at him. “Luke Patterson, I like you too.”

That settles it for him. Luke had been annoyed at the thought of having to suffer through tutoring beforehand, but maybe he’ll be alright with it now. Y/N isn’t a part of the oppressive legion of teachers all conniving to make his life a living hell because he wants to be a musician instead of a doctor or a banker, she’s on his side. That makes it all better somehow.

And, unsurprisingly, it is better. Luke actually ends up having a really good time in his tutoring sessions with Y/N. They don’t feel like tutoring at all, more like a chance to hang out with a friend. They talk about Jane Austen and tell awesome jokes, read Shakespeare and spend more and more time together. Luke knows this is only a temporary thing until his grades get back up, but it’s too easy to forget that.

Until, one day, it isn’t. His English teacher hands back an essay with a bright red ‘A’ marked on the front, and tells him that she’s proud of all the progress he’s made so quickly. Instead of a sigh of relief, the only thing escaping Luke’s lips is a desolate sigh. After all, if Luke’s improved to this point, that kind of means his tutoring sessions will be over, right?

Y/N doesn’t know that, though. Y/N doesn’t have access to his grades. All she knows is what Luke tells her, and if informing her of his latest essay win means she’ll stop seeing him after school, why should Luke let slip a single syllable?

So, later that day, when Y/N asks him how the latest essay went, Luke shrugs and pretends to be disappointed. “I’d hoped for more,” he says, “she, uh, didn’t like my commentary.”

“Really?” Y/N questions, frowning slightly, “I thought you were really good at that.”

Luke’s eyes widen, caught in a lie. “Who knows with teachers, right?” He laughs weakly.

Y/N pretends to shudder. “I know, right? I feel like half of your grade is literally just how much she likes you. English classes are always so subjective.”

“Subjective?” Luke asks, grinning and propping his chin up on his hand, “Tell me about that.”

Y/N laughs. “Only if you promise we’ll talk Jane Eyre immediately afterwards. Immediately.”

“I so swear,” Luke intones, holding up his right hand with all the solemnity of a president being sworn into office.

Y/N swats him on the shoulder with her notebook, but she obliges, and maybe they don’t talk about Jane immediately. Maybe they laugh a little longer than usual. And maybe, just maybe, Luke thinks that he’s perfectly fine with obscuring the truth if it means he can have more of this when he needs it the most.

The truth, unfortunately, has a habit of making itself heard regardless of who is inclined to hide it. Luke comes into their usual study spot in the library one day to see Y/N waiting for him, not already in her seat like normal but standing tentatively at the side.

He frowns, slinging his backpack down on the ground and pulling up a chair. “Everything alright? You look like you’re about to run. If you’ve got something planned, we can do this another day.”

Y/N shakes her head slightly. “No, I’m free all day.”

Luke gestures towards the table. “Then sit down, my legs are getting tired just looking at you. We’ve got stuff to study, don’t we?”

“Well, that’s what I was going to ask about,” Y/N says, “Ms. Brown stopped me after class today, said she had someone else she wanted me to tutor. I said I was already booked with you and she was confused. Apparently you’ve been doing just fine for quite some time.”

Luke feels his breath catch in his throat. This is not how he’d wanted Y/N to find out. For what must be the hundredth time this year, Luke sends out a silent curse to all meddlesome English teachers.

“Yeah,” he says as carefully as he can, “I have, but only because of your expert tutoring. It’s like antibiotics, you know? You don’t stop taking ‘em when you start feeling better, only when the prescription is over.”

Y/N blinks at him in surprise. “What are you talking about?”

He runs a hand through his hair, trying not to feel like everything is slipping out of control in an instant. “It was a simile, sorry. A bad one. All I mean is that we don’t have to stop this just because I got a good grade or two.”

Y/N almost looks like she’s smiling, but that could just be Luke being delusional. “I thought you didn’t want to do tutoring.”

“I didn’t at the start, but you’re different. We’re cool. We are cool, right?” Luke starts rambling more and more with each passing second, but he can’t help it. He’s overthinking everything. What if he’s literally just been a tutee this whole time, and she doesn’t think they’re friends at all?

Y/N stares at him a second longer, then takes a seat at last. “Luke Patterson, are you telling me that you like my company so much that you’re willing to keep going to extra English practice just to see me?”

Luke can feel his face heating up, but he does his best to ignore it. “Well, when you put it that way, it sounds–” He still has a little bit of self control left, so he cuts himself off before he can make a truly terrible mistake.

Y/N catches him, though. “It sounds like what?”

“It sounds like I like you,” he admits, and Y/N’s smiling at him, so he decides to take the leap of faith and just do what he’s been wanting to do for quite some time. Since the start of this, actually. “And I do like you. I like you a lot. I might not need the tutoring anymore, but that doesn’t mean I want to stop seeing you. So what if we met up sometime soon? Not for English, for us.”

Luke decides that he likes Y/N’s smile more than anything. “Are you asking me out?” She says.

“I am,” he affirms. “Are you saying yes?”

“I am,” she repeats.

Suddenly, Luke feels like the luckiest kid of all. Maybe he does have to throw in a good word or two for meddlesome English teachers after all. Sometimes they have a way of connecting you with the best people in the world.

requested by @thatfangirl42, i hope you enjoy!

jatp tag list: @rogueanschel, @retvenkos, @callsign-scully, @lovesanimals0000, @amortensie

[entertwinedsewntogether]

Long, long time | L.H

luke hemmings x reader

summary: you don't know how much longer you can cope with luke being on tour

warnings: panic attack, anxiety, angst with comfort, hurt/comfort, fem reader, reader is really going through it, very brief mention of lack of appetite, bit of poor self hygiene, not proofread

a/n: first time posting on tumblr despite being on here for years. literally terrified, also how god damn good is the feeling of falling upwards live album. i started levitating, don't get me started on os/co i could write a whole essay. also the ending is so rushed it's not funny but i couldn't think of an ending.

plus, the ending was my grandparents wedding song and i think it's so romantic so i put it in.

~~

It was early. The night had kept you awake, closing your eyes meant seeing every mistake you had ever made play in your mind. The curtains on your window were left open, the empty street and faint stars mocking your every move. The dim streetlight was your only source of light, and something about it was wrong.

It had been two weeks of this, of constantly shaking hands and always looking over your shoulder. Showering took more effort than it should, you had a never ending stomach ache, it felt like you didn't need to eat or drink. Your brain had been on constant overdrive for so long that it didn't know how to switch off, and it felt like there were rubber bands, squeezing around your chest and your brain, getting tighter and tighter by the minute.

For two weeks, you had done the same thing each night. Sitting up in bed, crossing your legs under your thick blanket and rocking, back and forth and back and forth. Your hands found your hair. It was greasier than you realised. How long had it been since you washed it? Stretching out your fingers, they felt wrong. They look different then you remembered. How long had it been since you had looked at yourself? Your hands find your knees, gripping onto them as you continue to rock.

You really don't want to. But you know you should. Where is he today? What even is the date today? When did you last talk to him?

Oh, his voice. His sweet, sweet voice. What would he say if he saw you like this? And this bed. This bed is far too big without him in it.

Luke is worried as well. You last spoke three days ago, and it was only texting. Usually you facetime every night, but he hasn't seen your face in just over a week. He wonders if you are busy, are you seeing your friends, are you working more?

If you squeeze your eyes shut, you can see him. He is sitting on the bed in front of you, he is holding you, he is smiling that gorgeous soft smile that he sends your way whenever you feel down. You can feel his hands rubbing up your arms in a soothing manner, his lips pressing against your forehead as the sweetest act of comfort.

You raise a hand to his side of the bed, dragging your hand along his pillow. No. No. The corner of your eyes prick.

Standing up on shaky legs, you stumble through the dark until you find your phone, face down on your floor, next to some discarded clothes. When did you let your bedroom get this filthy? The hands digging at your chest begin to dig their nails in. You kneel down, sitting on your heels and click your phone on. It's far too bright, it stings your eyes, but nonetheless you gaze lovingly at your lockscreen. At Him.

His beautiful blue eyes, warm and loving, and his gorgeous eyelashes, god he is blessed. His beautiful smile, halfway to a laugh, bringing a sad smile to your lips. Your eyes blur as you touch his cheek through your phone screen, a ragged breath coming from your chest.

You unlock your phone, blurry eyes and shaky hands pressing his contact, and the big green call button. It rings once, twice, three times, four times.

"Hey honey! You ok? Isn't it early at home?"

You don't respond. Your mouth hangs open in shock. He's alive. He's breathing. He's real, and you haven't imagined him. His voice is coming through your phone, he is on the other end and you can almost feel him.

A deep breath.

"Luke," You sob, "Luke."

"Oh, my girl."

You can hear voices becoming louder, and some clattering, a door closing and finally, just him.

"Baby, what's wrong?"

"It hurts, Luke. It really hurts."

"What hurts?"

"My chest. It's too tight and I can't breathe properly, and my brain is so sore, every time I move it stings and burns. And my skin is too tight on me, but it's too loose in some places, and I don't recognise myself and I'm so scared. I'm so tired, and I'm so scared, and I can't sleep, and the bed is too big and the house is too silent, and I need you."

You say it all in one breath, trying hard to regulate your breathing as you hold onto the phone for dear life.

"Ok, can we take some breaths together? Nice and slow. You're ok. You're safe."

You try to breathe, and eventually your chest opens up a bit. You open up your mouth to talk, but suddenly it's all mush. You sit together in silence for a bit. Speaking is too difficult. You click the phone onto speaker, and try to make your way back to bed.

"I'm right here baby, I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere."

You manage to groan out a response, pulling your blanket over your shaking body. Another sob escapes your lips, and you wrap your arms around your middle, pretending that you are anywhere else, that you are anybody else, that you have your boy with you.

"I'm so proud of you, you're so brave, can we keep taking some deep breaths? Just copy me."

You listen to his breathing through the phone and try to copy it, the pressure in your throat easing slightly.

"I love you so much. And I'm home so soon. So soon."

"Yeah. Not soon enough." A shaky inhale, a shaky exhale.

"Do you want me to sit with you for a bit? I can be quiet, or I can talk, whatever you need honey."

He is so patient. He is so kind. The first time he saw you have one of these, he sat in the dark in complete silence with you for threehours.

"Talk to me. I need to hear your voice."

And so he does. He talks about what you will do when he gets back. He talks about hearing you in all of his songs, and how he can't wait to hold you.

"I need you to come home soon, Lu. I think I'm fading again. I can't sleep. I need you."

He hears the tremor in your voice, your desolate tone, your sniffles, your slight stutter. He feels his heart break in two, knowing that he isn't there to hold you, to put you back together and smooth your skin.

"I know baby. Not long now, and I'm all yours for as long as you need, okay?"

"Okay. I'm really tired. Can you sing to me?"

And he doesn't hesitate. You swear you can hear the slight smile in his voice,

"Always."

"Never thought that you would be, standing here so close to me ,there's so much I feel that I should say, but words can wait until some other day"

His voice is sweet. His words linger in your head and your eyes drift closed.

"Kiss me once, then kiss me twice, then kiss me once again. It's been a long, long time. Haven't felt like this, my dear since I can't remember when. It's been a long, long time"

Your heart feels warm. You know that it will not be easy. You know that the next two weeks will be hard. But you know that you will see him soon. And you know that you can live when you're with him.

"You'll never know how many dreams I've dreamed about you. Or just how empty they all seemed without you. So kiss me once, then kiss me twice, then kiss me once again It's been a long, long time"

[fayedartmouth]

I really enjoy and appreciate how you focus on JJ's and JB's friendship in your writing. I feel the show kept telling the audience how close they were but all I can really remember is JJ supporting JB, while JB was obsessed with his dad, or the treasure, or Sarah. I feel we never really saw him truly step up for JJ, and really support him or put him first. In fact I don't think we ever even saw them talk about Luke, it was all just implied through the narrative. I found it so frustrating. When the writers decided to do the time jump, I thought we were going to meet a slightly more mature group. At least I thought we’d encounter a JB that not only recognised JJ was struggling but took action to help him - like actually talked to him about his problems, helped him face what happened to him as a kid, so he could cope with life as an adult. Instead, he behaved like he always did, kind of ignoring JJ’s actions until he exploded at him.

In truth much of the story felt inauthentic to the other characters as well, and really, it’s all down to the writers’ lousy choices, and their obsession with setting up the final season. So the characters did not act like themselves, and we ended up with that bewildering episode on the boat where everyone ignored JJ, and then of course we had JB’s one awful intervention. The fact that JJ had to sort himself out in the end was just so horrible. It also fundamentally undermined what I thought this show was about - found family, and for a character whose friends were his treasure, the narrative scope of the season just felt totally cruel.

For me, your writing is really hitting on something important that the writers did not bother with when it came to JJ, or just abandoned when they decided to kill him – how much JB loved him, and that deep friendship means that you support the other person even when they are behaving badly, and you keep trying. In the end it seemed that JJ had to earn JB’s love by rescuing Sarah. It would have been far better if JJ fell off that boat, and JB jumped in to rescue him. Anyway, all of that is a long way of saying, that it’s wonderful and comforting to see the depth of their mutual love and friendship played out so beautifully through your writing. Thank you.

P.S. Really looking forward to Part 3 of The Best of a Bad Deal

I literally did not shut up.  So, like, here, have an essay!!

I do think the show more told us than showed us that JJ and JB were best friends, especially from the JB side of things.  However, I think the good acting and the dynamic between Chase and Rudy probably really sold us on it.  They were so familiar, so comfortable that it was easy to see the deep bond -- they acted like best friends, so we could easily believe they'd been inseparable since childhood.

I have plenty of criticism of JB in S1 in particular, wherein I think he was a pretty awful friend all around.  However, he was 16 and his dad was missing and he was desperate and scared -- and I generally think he's got valid reasons for being a bit of a jerk and oblivious to JJ.  I think the fact that JB's not even there for JJ's breakdown is a little weird -- and the fact that he's completely indifferent to JJ's safety also strikes me as a bit odd.

Though I do think the general idea would be that JB knows JJ so well and has known him so long -- that the abuse sort of goes unspoken.  He talks about JJ doing a JJ thing, which I think his way of indicating that he understands that JJ spirals sometimes and that it's just best to wait it out.  Is this the right thing to do?  I mean, debatable.  But it's probably a pretty normal response for a teenager who has no actual means of helping JJ in his situation -- especially when so much of JJ's trust probably stems from the fact that JB is keeping this secret for him. 

Which is to say, I can see it as complicated, and that JB has probably learned to wait out JJ's crashouts as a matter of course.

And I think that logic can be applied to most of S4 -- but I agree with you.  Things got wildly OOC in part two and they never recovered it at all, IMO.  JB didn't know about Groff as early as Kie, but even so, the whole group should have been a lot more concerned about those implications.  I mean, the fact that JB wants to run off and get married -- while JJ goes to his mother's grave for the first time?  I don't know, but that bothers me somewhat?  I don't care if JJ would push him away at first -- it's kind of a huge thing.  (Not to mention extremely traumatic, how it played out, which again, never got talked about and JJ just had to live with seeing his mother's dead body and stealing from it.  I mean, that's awful -- and the idea that JJ would want privacy is stupid.  JJ's got zero coping skills; he makes terrible choices. STOP LEAVING HIM ALONE.)

And then after Groff tries to kill JJ, I'm guessing there had to be conversations we didn't see.  But I mean.  JJ's father just tried to murder him.  Again, he's not going to be okay.  Even if JJ was emotionally well adjusted (he's not), that is going to be almost to deal with right away.  JJ taking all the blame for everything on the beach before they leave the OBX hurts me because yeah, JJ's made a lot of mistakes.  And precisely not one of his friends has been there for him.  He's still culpable, but he owns up to it all and then ultimately dies for it in the end.  So.  I mean.

The boat ride.  This is the point where I actually give up.  What happens on the boat ride makes so little sense to me that I actually struggle to call it canon.  I mean, JJ drinking himself into oblivion and wanting to die?  Yeah, I buy that.  But everyone else?  Did not make sense.  

Part of that is, again, really crappy editing.  Because in theory, would Kiara and Sarah be okay to have a little fun and play a game to pass the time?  Of course!  Honestly that makes sense.  But if that's one of the only scenes we see, it sets the tone for the entire trip -- and that's weird.  Kiara's boyfriend is suicidal.  I mean, maybe show her giving a damn??

I swear, the scenes they chose had the Pogues caring more about Rafe than JJ.  JJ they were just annoyed with.

As for the JB/JJ scene, uggggh.  Look, I think JB meant well. I do.  But it's like you might want to read the room.  JJ's literally drinking himself to death.  And he's got father issues like no other.  He's probably not ready to think about being a godfather or JB's impending fatherhood.  He can't.  Although this particular scene probably relates back to the maturity issue you mentioned.  Namely, JB's not mature enough to recognize the depth of JJ's problems and he's acclimated himself to the idea that JJ will crash out and then be okay.  And he doesn't have to do anything but wait it out and be ready to crack a beer with him when he's better.

(I will also have to imagine that Pope really didn't just sit there and stare when JJ expressed a desire to die.  I just.  I have no way of reconciling that with anything else.)

What happens AFTER the boat is actually even more damning in retrospect for me.  The scene between JB and JJ on the beach has become one of my least favorite moments in the show.  Because in that moment, JB reaffirms something absolutely awful to JJ.  For JJ, he's never been good enough for his friends.  He's always sort of derived value from what he can do for them.  His understanding of friendship is that he'll do anything for them -- and that means sacrificing himself, which he does repeatedly.

(Honestly you can read the race scene as this as well, even though he deflects on JB a bit, he takes the risk on himself -- so they don't have to.  He believes his value is about taking the risk for them.  He's just not always great at executing his plans.)

Anyway, on the beach, JB reinforces this, like you said.  He tells JJ, almost overtly, that he's forgiven and loved -- BECAUSE he saved Sarah.  That's not even an inferences; that's spoken dialogue.  The look on JJ's face when JB hugs him actually breaks my heart.  Because it clicks.  JJ's spent the whole boat ride thinking he was worthless and no one wanted him.  And the only reason he has to live?  Is to give himself up for his friends.

Note:  no one tells JJ they're happy he's alive.  No one asks JJ if he's okay.  No one comforts JJ in any actual way.

And JJ?  He says he's back.  Because he's able to be of service to his friends again.  He still has no inherent sense of self worth, but he's willing to put himself on the line for his friends -- because, in his mind, that's the only thing that's made him valuable since this whole thing started.

This isn't really meant to rail on JB because I love JB and he's messed up in his own right and he's got plenty of his own issues.  And really, again, these are still kids.  They're not equipped to deal with these things, and JB in particular is conditioned to wait JJ out.  If JJ had survived Morocco, it would have been "fine" in that sense and it all would have gone back to normal.

But JJ didn't survive Morocco.  Even as he died, his focus was on what he could do for his friends.  The idea that he "got everything he wanted" is tragic because he never thought he was going to get a future.  Those 18 months of happiness was more than he deserved in his own mind.  I imagine JJ was relieved it was over, in some ways.  And I'm guessing he was relieved he couldn't screw up anymore.  JJ suffered his entire life, and he suffered when he died.  It's really really a difficult ending for fans who loved him as much as we did.

And also, the ending monologue from JB.  I think this goes to show 1. how little the writers understood their own show and 2. how little JB understood JJ.  From the JB angle, the idea that he wants to celebrates JJ's life as triumphant is normal, I guess, but it is woefully lacking in understanding of what JJ had been through.  Ultimately, he simply honors JJ as the best friend they ever had.  Not as a person who was worth something in his own right.

Really, though, I think the writers were trying to build to a death that they didn't earn.  I think they wrote such a convoluted mess that it just didn't pan out as intended.  I think we were supposed to believe that JJ was truly "back" and that everything was back to normal in Morocco.  But that healing?  Wasn't remotely earned.  The fact that they had JB mention JJ's hardships as a passing thing is indicative of how little they understood JJ as a character and how little they cared about him as a character.

They made him a plot device in the end.  They didn't pay off his storylines.  They didn't let him learn or grow.  The storyline in S4 was supposed to build to JJ winning -- and again, I think the writers want us to think he DID win -- but it ultimately just became this depressing descent where JJ dug his own grave and the writers buried him in it.

The choice to keep JB out of the death scene was wrong.  The fact that they made the death so quick was poorly done.  Nothing about it was believable or rang true to anything we've seen before.  There was no weight.  No gravitas.  None of the reactions were earned.  And yeah, them burying JJ alone in the sand of a foreign country?  Is sincerely just the worst.  

The season did feel cruel, that's all.  I don't really wish anyone ill over this and I don't care at all about whatever happened behind the scenes.  This is on the writers at the end of the day, because they had infinite options and they not only picked the worst one -- but they put it into action so badly that it's almost impossible to take it seriously.  I do hope S5 is awful, I won't lie.  And I hope that the writers don't get any other OBX shows picked up. At this point, I can't even rewatch stuff anymore.  I want to put the SHOW behind me and just keep these characters for my own pursuits.

Because what this all started with -- and what the show made us believe in -- wasn't a treasure hunt.  It was friendship -- it was found family.  It was JJ in the hot tub, saying his friends were his family, and all he wants to do is the right thing.  That's the heart of it, and I think it all started with JJ and JB for a reason. I love all the character dynamics but my head canons about the two of them, making it up while trying to survive, is really fundamental to my understanding of this show and these characters.  No way in hell are JB and JJ even capable of adult relationships -- if not for one another.

Best of a Bad Deal Book Three -- I will have to open it up again soon!  I've been knee deep in fix-it fic right now, but there is so much of Book Three.  I do intend to divide my time, because I do really love that fic.  (And to all your points about JB and JJ, I have thought about, on and off, doing a companion POV of JJ's cancer journey from JB's perspective, because I just think there are some key elements and moments I had to give up when I chose a Kie POV.)

[bordysbae]

16 with bordy please!!! love you!!

“penalities”

thomas bordeleau x reader

16. “i need you right now”

word count: 0.8k

warning: VERY slight cussing

being a student in college has its ups and downs. attending university of michigan is the best decision you’ve ever made, it’s how you met your boyfriend thomas. but unfortunately a downside of college is the incredibly overwhelming work load. unfortunately you have two essays due by monday for different classes, and you’ve only finished one. earlier you broke the news that you couldn’t attend tonight’s game vs msu, and thomas was devastated. you reassured him that you’d listen to it as background noise, which is exactly what you’re doing.

you’re quickly snapped from your thoughts when you realize thomas just got a penalty. you groan at his stupidity, and turn your attention back to this draining essay you’re writing. you stop typing only 30 minutes later when it’s announced thomas now received a disqualification for punching someone. “oh thomas, you’re so so stupid!” you groan again, immediately turning off the game. you just don’t understand why he’s being so rough tonight, and you seriously don’t want to stress about it since you’re so close to finishing your last essay.

you eventually finish your essay, and turn the game on again just to see the clock ticking down from the last 5 minutes of the last period. the wolverines are losing by one, and you’re instantly at the edge of your seat. before you know it, the game is over, and msu won. you know the boys are devastated, especially thomas. you already know he’s going to be angry, especially after seeing the way he was acting in the game. clearly something was bugging him, you just didn’t know what it was. you always go to every home game, and text him after every away game. you’d never been in this position where thomas was only 15 minutes away from you, upset after losing a game, and you not being there to comfort him. you have no idea what to do.

suddenly you get an incoming calling from thomas, and you answer it immediately. “oh babe, i’m so sorry.” you say, receiving nothing but silence on the other end. “thomas?” you ask, yet still nothing. “must’ve been a butt dial” you chuckle about to hang up when suddenly thomas’ voice speaks up. “no no no please don’t hang up” he says, his voice sounding shaky. “oh hi, how are you feeling?” “shit, y/n. you know that.”

“oh. you’re right im sorry” you say softly into the phone. “fuck. im sorry, im so so sorry. im just a literal whirlwind of emotions right now. i’m so sorry for lashing out at you” he sighs. “thomas it’s okay i promise. where are you? are you still at yost? why don’t you come over to my place” you suggest. he remains silent for a little bit before raspily stating, “can you come pick me up? matty drove me here, but i really don’t feel like talking to anyone besides you, y/n. i need you right now.” “of course, i’m on my way” “i love you.” “i love you more thom.”

you grab your keys and get into your car. you drive down to yost, and walk in through one of the back doors thomas had shown you. you walk past some employees leaving, and turn the corner to see a distraught thomas sitting on the hallway floor. “oh thom, hi baby” you say, sliding down the wall to sit next to him. he says nothing and looks up at you with bloodshot eyes. you gasp, and pull him into a tight hug. “oh you poor thing, don’t cry” you say, placing a hand behind his head. “it’s my fault we lost” he mumbles into your neck. “hm?” you say, pulling back from the hug to hear him better. “i said, it’s my fault we lost” “thomas, you’re joking right?” “no? why would i be?”

you sigh before steadily saying, “brendan got a penalty, and luke did too. it’s not just your fault that you guys lost, it’s absolutely no one’s. when have you ever seen a team beat every single one of their opponents huh? it’s impossible for a team to never lose. don’t beat yourself up over one game, and yeah maybe you made some dumb choices tonight but everyone learns from their mistakes. so please stop beating yourself up, i promise everyone else is just as upset with themselves as you are. i promise no one is mad at you thom.” after your quick little speech, he looks up at you with glossed over eyes, and a smile begins to form on his lips. “i love you, so so much. what did i do to deserve you?” “oh stop you’re gonna make me blush, now cmon mr ‘disqualified’ let’s go back to my place” “too soon y/n, too soon” he chuckles.

“y’know, i made those dumb decisions tonight cause i was angry you weren’t at the game.” he says as he gets into your passenger seat. “you what?!” you blurt out in disbelief. “yup. every time you’re not at a game i feel almost like, i don’t know, dissociated i guess. seeing your face in the crowd helps me stay grounded. i can usually control it, but tonight something in me just like snapped” he chuckles to himself. “well then, i guess i’ll just have to go to all of your games” you shrug. “that doesn’t sound too bad to me” thomas smiles.

[perky89]

I want to talk Professor Layton vs Phoenix Wright. Specifically, regarding its less talked about themes of religion.

Major Spoilers for Professor Layton vs Phoenix Wright.

Trigger Warning: Discussions of Suicide, Toxic Religion, Heavens Gate Suicide

Newton Belduke was canonically polytheistic, as we can see in his suicide note. And his beliefs mostly likely played at least some role in his decision to commit suicide.

"I hope you will be able to forgive me for leaving this world of my own will. I have finally made this decision, having seen that accursed bell tower appear in the flames on that dreadful night. That lightning was a sign that we have angered the gods."

There's a good chance that Arthur is religious, too.

Phoenix: "What? It's (Project Labyrinthia) a government project? But what would be their stake in this?"

Arthur: "...It's all because of my beliefs."

"Beliefs" does not always have to mean religious beliefs, but in this case, I think it does. The way that Newton talks in his suicide note implies that they both share similar polytheistic beliefs. Newton didn't say "I" have angered the gods, he said "we."

Let's look at Labyrinthia itself. Arthur places himself as an omnipotent, omnibenevolent God: He controls everything. He is seen as all good by the townsfolk, who all adore him.

Adore him to the point where when Luke tries to suggest that the Story Arthur writes won't come true, he and Layton are openly mocked by the townsfolk, and then openly threatened by the knights, and would have been arrested if they hadn't run away and hid. And even then, they got hunted down until the knights gave up.

And if that wasn't enough, let's look at how the townsfolk react when something good happens vs when something bad happens.

At the Storytellers parade when Layton and Luke first arrive in Labyrinthia, we get commentary from a few people in the crowd. One thanks him for her giving birth to a baby girl. Another thanks her that her grandmother has healed from sickness. But when a witch comes and kills somebody? They blame the witch, BURN the witch even.

Even more than that, let's look at Arthur's "death" in the final case of the game. One that they know he wrote, that they know he chose. That he openly declares will happen. They still try to burn Espella.

So, what are the takeaways we get from this game? Now, I get to the points of this little Tumblr essay I've written.

Point 1, many people do bad things for the sake of a religion that they truly believe. In other words, not just using religion as a cover up to do bad things, but doing awful things they genuinely believe are justifiable because of their religious beliefs. And sometimes, those beliefs hurt even themselves. Part of why Arthur started Labyrinthia was his religious beliefs. Likewise, part of why Newton committed suicide was he believed he had angered the gods he believed in.

In the real world, many religious people preach against transgenderism, homosexuality, abortion, and other issues of human rights. I believe the majority of these people have the best of intentions. They genuinely believe that these things will send people to eternal suffering, and want to save people from that eternal suffering. Likewise, I believe Arthur Cantabella had the best of intentions as well. I think, in his eyes, his gods wanted him to give these people new lives in Labyrinthia. They wanted him to do all this to help his daughter recover from her PTSD. He genuinely believed that, and it's part of what led him to do what he did (Espella, was, of course, the primary reason, as the game thoroughly established).

People can hurt themselves, intentionally or unintentionally, for the sake of their religion as well. I, like many other ex-Evangelical Christians, when I was Evangelical, was very hard on myself whenever I messed up and sinned. I once went to a youth conference where I and hundreds of other kids and adults were preached to that whenever we committed a sin, which the Bible says everyone does, we were saying we hated God. This, of course, does not equate to Newton Belduke's suicide. My purpose of using this example was to show how people, like Newton, can and do physically and/or emotionally hurt themselves for the sake of following their religious beliefs, and also to be sure that I used common, everyday examples, and not just extreme ones.

To get into a more extreme example that more closely resembles Newtons situation, the Heavens Gate cult suicide. 39 people committed suicide under the genuine belief that after they did so, they would be taken up in a spaceship, and avoid being on the earth during it's soon to come end times. The main reason Newton committed suicide I think was the guilt of having all these people under mind control. But as we can see from his suicide note, his belief that he had angered his gods certainly added to it.

In conclusion for point number 1, one of several lessons Professor Layton vs Phoenix Wright teaches us is that the misuse of religion can and has led people to harming themselves and others, as Arthur and Newton did.

Point number 2, many people can and are pushed away, sometimes even kicked out religions entirely, for questioning religions and/or their leaders. And this even happens among religions. Lots of people, if you don't agree with their exact theological beliefs, shun you and are very rude in trying to correct you. I have seen it so many times online, and it has even happened to me. Countless people have left the religion their parents raised them with, and have been cut off by their entire family. This especially happens in more strict, extreme religions, such as Jehovahs Witnesses. In some countries, you can be arrested and shot for not following that countries national religion.

The exact same thing that happened to Layton and Luke when they first entered Labyrinthia happens in real life. Like they were openly condemned for not believing in the Story, people are openly mocked online and told they're going to hell for not following a specific set of theological beliefs. Like Layton and Luke had to run to prevent from being arrested, people have had to do that in certain countries, as well.

In conclusion for point number 2, another lesson that we learn from Professor Layton vs Phoenix Wright is that many people misuse religion and believe their religion is the absolute only way that anyone should live, and they go so far as to shame and hurt other people for the sake of spreading their religion.

Point number 3, the double standards in modern religion. In several modern religions, many, but not all, of their followers take a similar approach to their god or gods as the Labyrinthia citizens do to Arthur. When something goes great, they thank their god or gods. When something goes bad, they blame a negative figure in their religion, other people, or no one. Or, often, if they do attribute the cause of something going bad to their god or gods, they say that their god or gods had a good reason, or a purpose, behind what happened. While, if they blame an evil figure in their religion, that figure just did it because they were evil. If a person did it, they did so because they were misinformed or also evil.

I certainly understand why this approach is taken. We as humans, religious or not, all have bias. Me, personally, when my best friend does something wrong, I say "Well, we all make mistakes." When someone I don't like does something, I say "Well they're just a (insert one or several curse words here)." Though it's an understandable double standard, it's still a double standard.

In conclusion for point number 3, a lesson Professor Layton vs Phoenix Wright teaches us is that the misuse of religion of a lack of critical thinking within can lead to it's followers having double standard about it's religious figures.

One last thing before I wrap this up. While writing the conclusions for each point, you'll notice I emphasized "the misuse of religion." Certainly, religion can be misused and terrible can and have resulted. But it is not always misused. Religion can and has been used to do wonderful things, too. My best friends mom, who is protestant, got cancer, and a group of Catholics paid for all of her medical treatment and even brought her groceries. People have used religion to publicly encourage the love and acceptance of others. Jesus, in the New Testament, preached about loving each other and about helping those in need. The United Church of Christ actively promotes LGBTQIA+ rights, diversity. Several religions promote helping people and being kind to others. Every Muslim I have every met has been nothing but sweet. Believing in a good afterlife helps a lot of peoples anxiety about death. Religion helps many people find community and friends, as it did for me, though my former religion and myself have largely parted ways now. And when I told my friends in church that I had left Christianity, I wasn't shunned or pushed away, I was loved and embraced with open arms. Critical thinking was and is still encouraged, as it anti-racism.

Case and point, religion does not always have to be a bad thing. It can be beautiful, and it can be horrid. But that's not just religion, that's almost anything, ever. The fault for bad things happening is, for the most part, not the religions, but the followers who misuse it. What Professor Layton vs Phoenix Wright does is show us happens when religion is misused.

and er...that's my unprofessional essay lol. while we're on the topic of religion, Imma pray that this goes well LOL

[kissofthemis]

lifting the shorter one up so they can be seen in photos w/ highschool lukerosa!

This photographer really needed to work on visualization skills.

"I understand the reasoning putting us in alphabetical order," Rosa murmured, "but is it really necessary for a group this small?"

The school's ordinary photographer, who had been serving the school for ages, had finally retired. However, he did so at the worst possible time-- right before the yearbook committee needed to send in all their final photos to have the yearbook bound! The school had been scrambling to find a replacement on short notice, and only by a stroke of luck had they managed to book someone before the deadline. Now, all of the clubs and organizations in school had to get their photos taken in a single day, which had caused utter chaos on campus.

And perhaps because everyone, including the photographer, was struggling with the time crunch, some decisions had been made that were...

Well, in Rosa's blunt opinion, inadequate. Bad, even. (She would never say that aloud, however. She always strove to be polite, and she would choose words such as "curious," "interesting," "not quite optimal," or even "rough around the edges.")

Luke whistled softly as he surveyed the group. "I mean, there are enough of us that we can't all fit in one line, so..."

"That's exactly the problem!"

Rosa had always prided herself on her academic prowess and her intellect. When she was nominated to join the school's academic team, she glowed with joy for a solid week. Even in the modern era, many academics could be snobby about women who aspired to great heights. They would dismiss women as merely being good at maybe one or two subjects, but never worthy of being a scholar.

As if every famed male scientist could write compelling essays, or every prestigious male historian could do mental math.

So Rosa had been the only girl selected for the academic team, as she in fact was well-rounded in all subjects. She studied a wide breadth of topics in order to represent not only her school or herself, but all the girls whose brilliant minds were overlooked solely because stuck-up, conservative old farts couldn't look past their manicures or their makeup.

Her hard work had paid off; she had been the second highest point scorer in competitions for the entire season! Second to none other than Luke Pearce, her dearest companion and constant thorn in her side.

"But my name puts me in the back," Rosa went on, urging Luke (who did not seem worthy of that first place accolade right now) to see the issue. "I'm the only girl, and I am also--"

"Oh, no! Rosa, you're short!"

That was a bit too direct. Rosa clutched her chest and tried to ignore the blow to her self-esteem. "N-not short! Just... shorter than most of the team!"

Luke was not listening to her indignant mumbling. He waved towards the photographer, but unfortunately the photographer and staff were too absorbed in their work. They hardly had time to waste, after all. "Mmm... that's no good."

Rosa sighed and leaned onto Luke's shoulder in defeat. "Maybe I'll raise my hand so some part of me shows. Oh, but I'll probably get yelled at. I would have packed heels if I had expected th--"

All at once, Rosa shot up in height.

She suppressed a startled screech as her feet left the ground and she dangled loosely in midair.

No, not loosely. In fact, she almost felt... secure, as she felt two large, warm, comforting hands gripping onto her waist.

"L-Luke?"

"Problem solved! Ta-dah!"

"P-problem not solved! How long can you hold me?!"

"As long as it takes!"

"This isn't sustainable!"

"Should you get on my shoulders instead?"

"Luke Pearce!!!"

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

Hey CJ, you mentioned that you disagree with a lot of your old TWDG opinions, any that stand out you wanna share? Also i agree with what you said about wanting to play the series for the first time again with no prior knowledge - i would love to meet louis character for the first time again.

Yeah, some opinions have changed with time and moving on from being a hardcore, active fan in the fandom. I'm pretty sure I've talked about some of them more recently, like how I used to not like Jane but now I've become something of a "Jane apologist," if you will.

I was also super vocal about hating the Clementine comics when the 12-page comic dropped, and I'm pretty sure I was shitty about Tillie Walden... which I look back on now and feel embarrassed. In fact, I specifically remember calling attention to the fact that Skybound turned off comments on the first book trailer and on their instagram, twitter, etc. and being like, "look at these COWARDS! they know we hate the comic and that Tillie's a bad artist, they're trying to shut us up!" ........but then I heard they turned them off because Tillie was getting threats, and it caused me to dig around and see the vile shit fans were saying.... It gave me pause to think things through and I feel very differently about it all now.

I've also changed my mind on Minerva. Like Jane, there was a loooong period of time where I didn't like her, but now? I think she's great. A real tragedy.

In fact, real talk, I think my perspective on most of the female characters in TWDG has shifted dramatically. I've done a lot of thinking on this just in general; I'm much harder on female characters than male characters. I can pretend like noooooo I was always soooo fair... but no, not always. I'm sure it's from some deep-rooted, internalized misogyny I have that I'm working on, but I also think the games sometimes neglect those characters, too. Which makes it easier to brush them off as just "poorly-written" and "bad characters" if I don't like them when that's not always the case.

Or let's be real, we all know how this goes; the games give us a flawed male character and fans are like "he's my blorbo, here's a 50k essay about why he deserved better and a list of my headcanons and the twenty AUs I've written for them-" but then a female character's just as flawed and fans are like "lol she's poorly written, here's an essay on why-"

Don't look at me like that. I know I'm guilty of this. I know y'all remember Mitch. Back in the day, Mitch was my boy and I used to write about him all the time but like... god forbid I put that much effort into writing about Violet or Minerva, right?

Or even look at Kate, for example. Past CJ would've talked about how much she doesn't like Kate and she hates the forced romance with Javi, she's just there as a way to make David and Javi fight, etc. But you ask me about Kate now and I'm like, "Girl, ANF did you so dirty, you didn't deserve this."

Or how about Bonnie in S2? We all love to hate on Bonnie, but like... she's such an interesting character?? She's a recovering drug addict so desperate for a place, and you can see Carver's manipulation at play in the way she talks about him to Clementine. It takes seeing him physically beat Kenny within an inch of his life before she's like "Yeah no, fuck this, we're leaving tonight." And we give her shit about Luke's death and being mean to Clementine but frankly? Yeah, she's mean to Clementine and that's fine.

What, it's okay for Kenny to lash out and call her a stupid kid when Sarita dies because he's your poor meow meow and it makes his character soooo morally gray and complex? But Bonnie lashes out about Luke's death and suddenly she's just a massive piece of shit? No complexities or anything? There's no grey morality? No underlying motive or emotions behind the choice to abandon the group with Mike and Arvo?? She's just a bitch??

And do I even need to talk about Sarah? Hmm? We all know how Sarah was received and how fans still talk about her. Again, Sarah has a complete meltdown over losing her father and people get hurt, and fans wish death upon her... but Kenny has a meltdown and brutally beats up Arvo or threatens to smack Clementine or a number of things.... "that's fine, he's just really upset, he lost his family, y'know? everyone keeps trying to GASLIGHT me that he's bad but if you really think about it, Arvo totally deserved to be abused and it's actually Clementine's fault Kenny hit her because she tried to stop him-"

I just... the lengths we go to justify and defend this violent, toxic character but then act like Jane is the worst, I can't-

It's so funny to me whenever I see someone in the fandom complain about wanting more morally grey, flawed female characters because like... y'all couldn't even handle Jane. Or Lilly. Or Sarah. Or Bonnie. Rebecca. Eleanor. Christa. Minerva and Violet, in a lot of cases. So like... what do you actually want?

Note that I'm guilty of this, too, and I've asked myself that question... haven't fully worked out the answer yet.

That's the major thing that comes to mind about opinions I had that I've changed my mind about. I think a big factor in that is letting twdg go and getting invested in other fandoms, doing a lot more reading, getting back into writing, etc. Obviously I've really gotten into the Dragon Age fandom and that's what triggered this "journey of self-reflection~" when it comes to how I perceive female characters. Like, you want flawed, morally-grey ladies? That's your series... assuming you can actually handle it.

But I also recently finished a playthrough of Fallout New Vegas and remembered my love for Veronica Santangelo, like... I don't care that the game doesn't technically have romance, that's my girlfriend, I love her. Then the other night I finished my first playthrough of Life is Strange True Colors [I know, where the fuck have I been, right?] and I spent 40% of the time looking at flowers, 10% being sad about Gabe, and the other 50% trying to figure out who I liked more, Steph or Ryan.

I've also been reading a lot of wlw novels which is just..... THAT'S a whole mess I won't get into because this is already long enough and you didn't ask. Just know that's also another factor in this reflection.

And to answer the other part of your ask: I miss Louis. I would love to play TFS again for the first time again, that was a fun time.

[daylander1000]

Will you watch season 2 of HotD or you've lost interest in the show? I wasn't thrilled with season 1, but I do like some characters and I'm curious to see if they'll do them any justice in the next season(s). I'm still trying to be optimistic (which is definitely against my nature 😁), although the latest leaks from Spain (which I desperately hope to be false) doesn't sound promising.

Idk it you read Fire & Blood, but that book is often overrated imho, almost all the characters there are painfully one-dimensional, shallow and bland, while the plot is full of illogical things (especially the Dance part) . So, as you can see, I'm not the biggest book fan, and I do believe that the show did some things better and gave a bit of depth and complexity to certain characters and fleshed them out. However, at the same time it seems to me that they didn't complete what they started, like, you see the potential of the characters and understand their motivations, but then out of the blue they do or say something totally nonsensical and OOC. Take Alicent at the end of episode 8. Rhaenyra says something nice to her and she suddenly forgives everything and forgets that's the same woman who wanted to "sharply question" Aemond after her son Luke maimed him over an insult (a fact, actually), the woman her husband always favoured at the expense of Alicent's own children and finally, the woman who is married to Daemon, the sociopath who hates Alicent and her children and who will kill anyone (and apparently with Rhaenyra and Viserys' blessing) without remorse if it benefits him and his side. I mean, the guy even had the gall to look annoyed during the prayer for Vaemond. Still, according to the show, Alicent somehow needs to "misunderstand" Viserys' last words to crown her own son, and not because it's probably the only way to keep her and her children alive and safe and because her son actually has the strongest claim to the throne according to Westerosi laws avd tradition. And don't get me started on the Velaryons who are collectively depicted as "Dae and Rhae fan club". Like, what is Corlys even thinking?! I won't ask about Baela and Rhaena because they obviously don't get to think and are just unconditionally supportive of Rhaenyra and the Strong boys. Rhaenys is contradictory and inconsistent. It's frustrating, really. Also, the fact that the narrative/the framing of the show heavily favours team black is also off-putting. Nevertheless, I'm still curious and just a bit hopeful that season 2 will balance these things a little. Maybe I'll just be terribly disappointed, but oh well. Sorry for the rant :D

Anyway, as a fan of your fic, I would like to know your opinion. Does the show deserve our optimism and what are your predictions regarding season 2?

S2 predictions? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Why would you ask me this? This is a show where someone in a professional HBO writers room said, "So what if a dragon just bursts up from the underground?" And the showrunner was like "Fuck yeah!"

I don't think they even thought to do a camera pan of the carnage. It's like they wanted to make Rhaenys look badass but did a Koolaid Man scene instead.

Tell me that this isn't Rhaenys

Predictions? This is not Leftovers where you could do a whole video essay on foreshadowing and subtext and hidden clues. This is a series where there's a horse running loose in a writer's room and nobody knows what it's going to write next.

This is the most bizarre thing I've ever seen.

My prediction for S2 is that during the time off at least one person realizes that they failed to make Aegon into Joff 2.0, that instead of having him be affably evil, he's onscreen affable and offscreen evil, and they'll try to double down on actually showing that he's evil and actually showing that he's worse than Daemon and Rhaenyra.

We've seen Daemon in brothels, grooming and marrying children, killing Rhea, killing innocent people and murdering lords at court, but we've only been told (by very minor characters) that Aegon is a baby-eating rape monster. It's all extremely "tacked-on."

I think Aegon's the biggest problem that they have to work on. Just getting at least this one character to make sense moving forward.

When Jahaerys is killed, I think they'll use that to really commit to making him the bad guy. Like he'll have to be killing a baby or raping someone or eating someone so that it's not Rhaenyra and Daemon killing a child but "Look at what this bad man was doing instead of protecting his son."

As far as predictions go, that's all I can see. If they only develop one character in S2, it needs to be him. Rhaenyra has Rockstar!Daemon, Rhaenys and Corlys on her side, so they'll have to upscale the green threat otherwise it's a bunch of grown people and veteran soldiers fighting two children who have no experience at anything because the oldest one is a 20-year-old frat boy and his brother is still a teenager. Aegon's going to have to really be villainous.

I feel like there's a reason all his nude scenes are with his mother, it's one of the few consistent things between them through the time skips and actor changes, and I feel like they're going to go fully 500% in that Commodus direction

and have him just be creepy and rapey with her in a "bad incest," how-the-turntables, "be careful what you wish for" way. Alicent's defining trait seems to be "perpetual victim," so I feel like they'll go this way and frame it as if she's getting what she deserves for slapping him around. Ten extra points if they have Rhaenyra or Rhaenys there on hand to be like "Is this your king?"

I don't see them doing anything with Rhaena besides sending her away, and I actively don't want to see Baela going out there getting her dragon killed and her face burnt off in defense of Rhaenyra.

I honestly try to not think about s2 of this.

I was a hardcore asoiaf fan but I didn't like Feast or Dance. I read Dunk and Egg, but he didn't finish that either. And when F&B came out, I got the audiobook and I listened to it for a few hours, probably less than five, and I couldn't concentrate because I kept thinking "Did this bitch seriously package his story notes as a novel for sale??? This is an insult to storytelling."

And I deleted it.

It's the quality for one thing. It's the lack of diversity, it's the author not finishing anything, it's the fandom being 20% fantasy fans, 80% trump rally...

Like, in just 10 episodes HotD has managed to give a voice to pro-rape feminists. Didn't even know that was a thing until I saw it on Twitter.

I saw some of the leaked pics of Helaena at the funeral on my feed, didn't have to scroll far to see people just casually r-wording Helaena and acting like having six fingers is a killing offense since eugenics rhetoric is apparently thriving in this fandom.

And on top of all that, the story doesn't even make sense.

I don't want to be like "dramaturgically speaking" but narrative coherence is a thing. Just from bing chat (yes, I'm using bing 😣):

Narrative coherence is the degree to which a story makes sense. Coherent stories are internally consistent, with sufficient detail, strong characters, and free of significant surprises. The ability to assess coherence is learned and improves with experience. Individuals assess a story's adherence by comparing it with similar stories. The ultimate test of narrative sense is whether the characters act reliably. If figures show continuity throughout their thoughts, motives, and actions, acceptance increases. However, characters behaving uncharacteristically destroy acceptance.

This show has curb-stomped narrative coherence.

Like, take that scene where they killed Vaemond. The way they write it, Rhaenyra has come back after 6 years of never visiting her father to drag him off his deathbed so he can support her in taking Driftmark, the seat of house Velaryon, away from Velaryon people to give it to her son by Harwin Strong. Vaemond is killed for telling the truth.

With different lighting and music, that's peak tyranny. That's some Mad King Aerys shit. In full view of all the lords at court. Every single person in that courtroom is aware that Luke is a bastard and they've just witnessed a lord like themselves get beheaded over it. This isn't Daemon killing commoners. He's killing the lords and ladies of Westeros.

But there's no fallout. Nothing. All the lords of Westeros cease to matter. It's just another Tuesday to them.

Hell, they go even further and frame the scene like Viserys is Old Theoden fighting off the curse of Wormtongue. Otto, Alicent and her goblin children all but shrivel and wither from the sunlight that Rhaenyra brings as Vaemond is cut down by noble Daemon. In that scene, Dark Sister might as well be Andúril, Flame of Old Valyria, sword of justice.

There are shows that are easy to watch that we say are "no brain cells required," but HotD is like, "No brain cells allowed. Switch them off or put them on silent so you don't disturb anyone."

I have no hope for season 2. I would never rec this to anyone or say that I think the writing will improve. The foundation is shit. You can't build a strong s2 on a shit s1 unless you're writing a procedural or an anthology where nothing that comes before matters.

You can't undo things like Alicent supporting Aegon as king because of a misunderstanding. There's a limit to how many things you can retcon without destroying all sense of continuity and they've already gone beyond that in s1.

They're past plot holes. They have whole parts of the world that are just void of all thought. Alicent and Rhaenys are characters who respawn and disintegrate from scene to scene as needed. Corlys is three lines of dialogue in a trenchcoat. Daemon Targaryen is somehow, impossibly, a less-developed Damon Salvatore.

No optimism here.

I'm that jaded ex fan who's like, "hotd is a barren wasteland, riddled with racists, ableists and toxic stans, and those are just the writers. The very fandom air you breathe is a poisonous fume. Not with ten-thousand Lindelof-level writers could they fix this shit."

But that being said, I have a really bad habit of watching shit TV.

I've seen Catwoman more than 5 times.

Waterworld, Jonah Hex, Elektra, Daredevil (Ben Affleck and Colin Farrell), Battlefield Earth, Supernova. At least 8 of the Fast movies. All the Transformers. Dracula 2000. All the old school classics of bad cinema.

I haven't watched Morbius as yet and the only reason why is because I feel like Jared Leto is intentionally trying to become Nicholas Cage and I don't want to support that.

There is something about the cringe that hooks me. And with a TV series? That weekly cringe? That is peak entertainment.

It used to take me 4 sometimes 5 hours to watch and digest a single episode of Titans because there were so many questions to think about.

I hyperfixate on bad writing. Trying to figure out all the ways it went wrong and why and what they were trying to do. Once I start, I can't stop thinking about it. I'm hoping swhhw gets it out of my system, but I don't know.

Like, anybody can make good TV. Anybody can do that if you try hard enough. But truly horrible TV isn't supposed to exist. It's like 20 million an episode to make HotD? Nobody is supposed to invest that in a show where the showrunner doesn't even know how old the characters are. Bad TV shows are supposed to be snuffed out before they see the light of day.

But HotD is something special.

You don't accidentally end up with a Koolaid Dragon busting up through concrete. A director described that scene to a VFX crew. The actors had to rehearse that repeatedly. They had to do a read-through...

Like, just think about that.

And then they announce that they're going ahead with s2 without writers?!

That is insane. Part of me says look away, and the other part of me says that s2 of HotD will be something the likes of which I'll never see again.

I really don't want to watch S2, but honestly, I might. Not because I think it will be better but because I'm dead certain it can only get worse.

[darcyfangirlsfrequently]

Darcy Analyzes Luke and His "Replacement" of Morgan and how What the Writers Tried to Pass Off as a Replacement is Actually the Farthest Thing From - an essay

People I am tagging in this essay: @a-potato-wearing-plaid, @beelmons, @jacquiebethelina44, @fangirl-criminalminds-garvez because you guys were all in the original thread that inspired this, @snailsandpuppy-dogtails because I am interested to see what you have to say and I know you'll have something because you love calling out poor writing (as you should), and @hey-dw because it's about Luke Alvez

You can find the original thread here

Word count: 1270

At his introduction, it's obvious that Luke is supposed to be the character "replacing" Morgan. Now, in most other "replacements" on the show, it has just been a new character coming in and filling an empty space, and it has always been someone original and nothing like the old character. For example: Emily replacing Elle, Jordan taking over for JJ on Mat Leave, Alex replacing Emily, Kate replacing Alex, and Tara replacing Kate. The only outlier is Ashely replacing JJ, but that's a story for another time. The main difference here is that Morgan was on the show longer than all of these people (at least consecutively, Emily "leaving and coming back every other season" Prentiss I am in fact looking at you) and his absence left a more notable hole. He played a very particular role within the show and excluding that completely would leave a void in the show, so yes, the very base of Luke's character shares similarities with Morgan, because that was the smart course of action.

The base of his character reflects Morgan in two ways. The first way is the obvious physicalities. He's the big strong pretty boy who kicks down doors and manhandles the unsubs. Not that Emily, Tara, and JJ aren't completely capable, they are some scary badass women (and we know Luke agrees) but that was the kind of character Morgan was and it was the kind of character Luke started out as, and a skill he has throughout his entire run of the show. His other similarity is his unique (and flirty) relationship with one Ms. Penelope Grace Garcia. But this is also where we run into the first big difference.

Morgan and Garcia's relationship and Luke and Garcia's relationship could not be more different. With Morgan and Garcia, yes there was always flirting, but it was always interpreted as a joke. Even if there were feelings on one or both sides (and there were) they were never explored, and it was an unspoken understanding that they never would be. Friends were the best thing for them to be. With Luke and Garcia, however, it is completely different. Her one big issue with Luke is that he is not Morgan. She feels like falling for this man who is supposed to be "replacing" her best friend is a betrayal to that friendship, and Kirsten Vangsness said that Penelope hated herself for this crush for that reason. Adam Rodriguez has also said that, at the beginning of his run of the show, as much as his scenes with Kirsten/Penelope were his favorite to film, they were also the most nerve-wracking because he knew the audience was missing the Morgan/Garcia dynamic, but he hoped they had been able to come up with a special dynamic of their own, which I definitely think they did, I think we can all agree.

The best thing the writers did with Luke and Penelope's dynamic was to not make it a cookie-cutter of her dynamic with Morgan. There's always a hint of... something under the flirting and never, not once, is it passed off as platonic or joking. In fact, multiple times, (cool hand Luke, are your ears burning, worship at my throne) the flirting makes her so flustered she hangs up the phone, something she never did with Morgan. Fans wanted Morgan and Garcia to end up together, so when Luke was created and his and Penelope's dynamic was created, it reflected that because he is not Morgan. She and Morgan never could have worked, but she and Luke absolutely could, and, as I have said, there is a romantic tension, or even just a tension of something more that underlines all of their interactions and this is entirely because Morgan and Luke are different people. It's very much a same-person-different-font situation. Things never would have worked between Penelope and the original font but once you put it in italics and make it bold... well now you're talking.

Another thing I have mentioned before is the difference between how Morgan and Luke handle their feelings for Penelope. And if you try to tell me Morgan never had feelings for her... did we watch the same show? The thing is, Morgan would never ever confess his feelings to her. He was way too scared. I think the closest we got see him get to telling her was after she was shot when he said, "I love you, you know that?" and after he almost got blown up in that ambulance when he said, "You're my god-given solace." He absolutely loved her but decided to never tell her and eventually that love shifted into the strong platonic love they share in the later seasons. Luke, on the other hand, has never been shy about it. He openly admits that he wanted to make her like him and was willing to resort to bringing in his dog to do so. He was trying to make her jealous from their first on-screen interaction, he was always the most tactile with her, and he made it abundantly clear from the very beginning that he would always be there for her should she need him. The way he spoke to her has never been platonic, you can see a major difference in the way he spoke with her vs. literally anyone else he interacts with. Even Lisa.

And yes, let's talk about Lisa. The doctor. We've already established that Luke originally started as Morgan's replacement and shared similarities with him, but as the seasons progressed he became his own character. And then for seemingly no reason, we're thrown this new relationship (with someone he barely has any chemistry with... like I'm sorry that relationship was pretty dry) and she's a doctor. Just like Savannah. This feels like a deliberate attempt to make him more of a cookie cutter of Morgan, because we know these writers hate to let Luke be his own thing. I honestly believe Lisa's sole reasons for existence were to provide an excuse as to why there couldn't be Garvez - and maybe deter people from shipping it, which didn't work though. Again, writing. They kept writing Luke as having feelings for Penelope and Adam kept playing him as having feelings for her, - to try to mirror Morgan, and to provide drama in 14.6 "Luke," since without Lisa, Luke would have automatically assumed Ramos was heading for Phil and probably would have ended up beating Ramos to Phil and therefore saving him.

As @beelmons mentioned in the original thread, "it's also so stupid because the whole beef with Penelope is the fact that he would never be Morgan? He was also not Morgan coded at all because even when the base of the character was similar he was personality wise quite different its like it naturally deviated from that and they still tried to force it." I've tried to touch on all of this throughout this essay. Yes, the base of Luke's character is similar to Morgan's, it has to be, but it grew into something different and unique because he is a different person, and when they try to force those similarities again, it just makes for something really awkward that no one really enjoyed. Once Lisa was gone, at least physically, Luke started to be himself again, and his differences from Morgan make him and interesting character, make him who he is, and we happen to love who is. All in all, the writers really seem to hate him for some reason and can never let him be his own person.

[aboutdifferentthings]

Jess and Rory are no jerk and no failure and they got together.

I just read too many things about Jess being a jerk and about Rory being a failure that I could not take it anymore and I know I am late to the party but I was not sure I wanted to watch the revival or seasons four to seven. I have only been able to watch it because I saw a post with Jess looking Rory through a window and just thought, ey, they meet again, they are together. And here I am. I will just let it out. 

When we meet Jess in season two he is a seventeen years old, an adolescent no one believes in. No one. I love season two: Jess and Rory have all these beautiful moments and he makes me laugh so much, they both do. But if you listen carefully you understand what kind of life Jess has been having and how he feels about it.  I won’t defend every decision Jess made  but the conversation with Rory in the car is so meaningful: “Ask my mother, principal or even your mother who does not even know me” no one, absolutely no one expects anything from him.  The principal in school tells Luke he has no interest in the subjects, other students or anything else and if you think about it, it makes sense: he has grown up probably by himself, no one really took care of him so he found refuge in his books and sarcasm. He needs really loud music to sleep, probably not to hear whatever was going on at home. He is not good with the small talk because he is use to be by his own and once again: he is seventeen, can we not forget this? In fact I find he has quite a lot self control sometimes (specially in 2x05) but that would take too long to elaborate here. 

And Rory is just so sweet. The only one able to connect with him, and to realize the potential he has got. I love how she tries to fight against this general opinion against Jess, she is the  best. The problem with Rory is that she has been living in a bubble where she is perfection and she thinks she needs to keep it like that and this is really difficult to break. All these feelings she is having, she is constantly doubting them because no one is able to validate them. To tell her, ey, it is normal, tell me about Jess, why is he so interesting? Instead of that her mother and best friend is constantly acting like if she was going crazy  for becoming friends with him and risking his relationship with Dean (do not get me started with him…) From minute one, she is so unfair with them that it really hurts. Lorelai is really unbearable in relation to Jess).

It is just specially painful to see that even when they are wonderful together they drift apart because they both have issues they need to work on. They could have done it together but in order to do that they would have need some adult support and they do not have it (Jess not at all and Rory not in the way she needs it). And I do not want to be unfair with Luke, he is a good soul, he tries… Jess understands it years later but at that moment it does not feel like real support, and it is not. 

Jess gets lost and he hurts her deeply because she will never be able to find that level of connection again and she is so afraid of suffering again the same way that she would never go for it. 

When Jess comes back in season four he his still not ready. I could write an essay about how he is right in a lot of the things he says and feels but he does not know how to articulate them. Rory loves him, she does and she always will but she is still hurting. He does not apologize, he does not tell her why even feeling what he feels.  he did what he did. On both occasions he just drops the bomb and leaves ( I think second one happens mainly because Dean was there. He would probably have said something different in other circumstances) And it breaks my heart. Rory needed an I am sorry I hurt you, an explanation of why she was abandoned and the reassurance it will not happen again. She needed to hear an ‘I will wait for you no matter how long and no matter where’ He may had the intention to say it but he can’t deliver it because he is not ready yet: he has too much unresolved trauma and seeing Dean just brings everything out. 

So she gets in this absurd relationships with Dean and Logan (the worst, absolutely the worst, no doubt) . When the bubble breaks she is just not able to navigate through life. 

And life goes by, it turns out Jess finds himself. Jess finally starts believing in himself. He is resilient and he has held onto the feeling he could do anything he wanted Rory had about him. He could not have written the book without her because he has held onto his love for her and doing so he wrote a book, got it published and pushed through life the same way he always has. He has found people that get him and he gets to be in a good place. He has matured. 

Next two times he sees Rory, he is in the position to say it, to offer her everything to really start a beautiful life together. He has put his pieces together, he is calm and happy with what he is doing. But guess what, Rory is a mess. And it is ok, it is  totally  believable. Sometimes in life, things don’t go as we want and you are a mess and you throw everything away and you just let it go. Jess just helps her to go back ( partially) on her feet. . He doesn’t try to win her back because he understands it is not the right moment. He is ready, she is not. And she tells him she loves Logan ( Logan of all: the one he has nothing in common with, the one that cheats on her, the one who does not care if she leaves Yale or anything she does, the kind of guy they made fun of) because to ‘love’ Logan is easier,  because if she does not have the deep connection, it won’t hurt that much and it doesn’t. She finally rejects his proposal and he leaves and she is fine, it does not hurt that much because it was not real love. He is not her soul mate. He will never be. 

And now they are both 32 and Jess has grown better and better. Although we do not get to know a lot about his relationships he has nothing permanent. He could have found love, we could have seen him happy. That also happens in real life. You really move on, you are lucky enough  to have a mature fulfilling relationship and live a happy life but he does not. Jess had a lot things going on in his life but he has never cheated on anyone or lied to himself about his feelings, so probably just casual relationships without attachment because he knows it would not work, he is not over her.

The thing is that she is still having issues. Awful relationships she knows are not going anywhere and same thing with jobs. She has lost contact with her feelings and her passions and when that happens it is not easy to go on. But guess who is going to put her in contact with her feelings again. He does. Starting with the book. And when she goes on writing, well that will make her remember how it was to feel real love. And well yeah, we have an open ending, which is not my favorite but I get to write my own ending and to play it in my head. Because that look through the window, that happiness when she showed him the three chapters, that is a lot. And they will need to talk about feelings, about wounds and also about books and about the future because now they are ready to heal and to start over no matter where. Together. 

[unohanabbygirl]

Hi! This is a question more geared towards insight on your own writing process and the conceptualization of FMN rather than a what if or plot question. I was wondering if you’ve always had a clear vision of Luke and Aemond ending up together, and building Luke’s trauma with that in mind, or have you gone back and forth about the two of them getting together? I guess I’m asking because I find it really difficult to support Aemond or their relationship because he r*ped Luke. It’s hard to read a story like this and learn all the assaults that Luke has been through, all the times he has had his choice and sexual agency taken away, only to then see him end up with someone who assaulted him. I know a lot of readers are rooting for Aemond, but I find it difficult to because of this. He could have so easily not brought that into their relationship. If he really loves Luke, and has truly changed, why do this?

Did you debate with yourself whether to add this sexual component because doing so would taint whatever future they have together? It’s just heartbreaking to see Luke end up with someone who abused him. Aemond (although unknowingly) is taking advantage of Luke’s trauma which influences his opinion on what Aemond did as not being r*pe. To be clear, this is definitely not me being like “oh if you love Aemond in FMN you support r*pe.” This is a complex story and I’m not shaming anyone for wanting them to be together. It’s just me saying: it’s hard to read and it makes me sad to imagine Luke being tied to someone who assaulted him, no matter how soft or how it was from a place of love. This is a question on your writing process: knowing Lucemond will be endgame vs waffling back and forth influences how one writes. But I guess I’m also asking if it’s okay with you to really not want them to be together when the majority of readers seem to want to see their endgame?

You not wanting Luke to end up with Aemond is completely understandable, just as your point about Luke ending up with someone who yet again taking away his choice/agency is incredibly valid. Going into this I’ve always had a clear cut ending for the story as well as my initial outlines which Ive mostly been following to a t this entire time except for a few things here and there. However, I think most writers would agree with me when I say that sometimes characters just sort of write themselves? Deviating from my initial plans on their character arc for the modern world as well as what their overall personality was/is supposed to be.

Aemond was always meant to be this very flawed guy who simply wants to do better and is trying his hardest to be what he feels to is a good person, however there is an internal struggle with his selfishness. When you’ve committed genocide, butchered children and the elderly as well as taken a woman who you initially thought was nothing more than helpless wet nurse as your war prize in the past it’s easy to think that doing anything outside of as well as condemning those actions would automatically make you a better person. And I know our normal talks around here are mostly about Aemond being this sweet lover boy but in FMN canon he’s in this morally ambiguous gray area rather than your average good guy (I put him in the same category as a Daemon who is an entire essay by himself considering his inappropriate relationship with Rhaenyra in the past and making the decision to do the same thing over again in their present without truly giving her a chance to learn who she is without him because of selfishness’s)

Now don’t get me wrong, Aemond WANTS to be good, and is putting in the steps to do so. But at heart he’s still battling that deep seeded selfishness that thinks of what a happy life he and Luke can have together rather than going “hmm, but what does Luke himself want? Does he have goals? Aspirations? Dreams that don’t involve a man at his side?” He’ll get to the point, but at this current moment in time a lot of his actions are very selfish even when he feels he isn’t being just that.

As of the club scene in chapter 31; that decision to cross those sexual bounds wasn’t something I was planning on doing from the beginning but just sort of happened. Though this definitely does taint things going forward seeing as Luke wouldn’t have wanted things to go this far with the man who killed him if he was still “Lucerys”

I felt it going down this path makes sense for both their characters though it will come back to bite them in the ass. Luke is someone who uses sex as not only a coping mechanism but to gauge whether or not his feelings are returned. While on the other hand, Aemond is too selfish to think about how this event (and a sexual relationship going forward in general) will affect Luke when he does remember. Again, its not that he won’t be able to see why this would make Luke feel taken advantage of or played, but that he’s too busy thinking of their future wedding and how many kids they’re going to adopt to sit back for a moment as ask himself these questions.

Not wanting these two to end up together is 100% okay and as i’ve said before I always understand those are aren’t rooting for them because even though his decisions weren’t made with hurting Luke in mind, that will be the outcome. He has taken advantage despite not realizing it and a relationship built off of that would be very hard to navigate once time comes because these two truly do love one another. But a question I want to ask everyone is “is love and someone seeing the error of their ways enough of a reason to forgive these actions?”

Also, in Aemond’s mind the words “rape” don’t pertain to their situation. “Taken advantage of” absolutely. “Led astray” works as well. But that selfishness won’t hear the words “rape by deception” and agree. Mostly because he’s ignorant to the many different forms of rape which is a societal issues as well as a personal one due to ignorance. To Aemond, rape is holding someone down, touching them although they haven’t exactly said yes and are clearly uncomfortable, having sex with someone who’s drunk or under the influence although you yourself are stone cold sober, and every other way rape is mostly depicted in media as I don’t usually see rape by deceit showcased as a valid form of assault (there was one episode of law and order SVU I vaguely remember but it was very surface level)

This is a major character flaw, specifically when taking into account that this story heavily revolves around the effects of sexual abuse. Can he grow and come to see that if he continues to take his sexual relationship with Luke any further then it’s in fact rape? Yes, but is he mature enough at the point to even take the first step which is acknowledging his actions.

Another thing that I’ve kept to myself is that from the very beginning, whenever I say that Lucemond will be endgame, this doesn’t mean they’ll be together at their current ages and places in life as they are now. Both of them (especially Luke) need time to grow as people. Luke needs to go out into the world on his own and heal from his truama’s rather than focusing on being a good boyfriend just as Aemond needs to work on his morality. What he feels is right and wrong as well as unlearn that selfishness from his first life that still has a hold on him.

Overall, FMN is a complex story. There is no wrong side to choose as everyone here is flawed with their own set of traumas. It’s valid to like Aemond just as it’s valid for him to leave a bad taste in your mouth.

In the end, being team Luke getting justice for what he’s been made to endure and learning to be happy with himself to the point where he can look in the mirror and say “i love you. You deserve happiness” is all that matters.

[squirrelno2]

the emphasis on shipping in fandom culture is so wild to me to consider because like. there are certain things in jatp that I ship very emphatically, but I literally wrote myself into shipping them. when I was writing my first fics in the fandom, I didn’t plan for julie/luke/reggie or flarrie. I expected willex, because the show gave us that and gave me plenty of vibes to go “ok they like each other and would work together in the long term”. but especially with noncanon ships I always find myself stumbling into them as I plan or write a fic. I do sometimes set out to write a romance, but that’s usually when I’ve been in a fandom for a while and know “ok I like these dynamics and have had thoughts about shipping them in previous works, let’s dig into that.” and then I’m always writing like it’s a persuasive essay! like there are people reading who aren’t convinced about the ship, and I have to show my work.

even working with ocs it’s like, “ok I made this guy to be a friend for this character, but also I think that this particular dynamic would probably lead to romance and/or sex” (this thought brought to you by me knowing I haven’t touched my Jesse Lives au in forever) - actually I would say with ocs it’s most important because holy hell nobody is going to be automatically invested in your oc’s romantic or sexual life but you. you have to do a lot of legwork on that one unless your only intent is more of a reader insert vibe where ppl can imagine intimacy with their favourite character, which means they don’t care about your oc so much as they care about being able to project anyway. they already know why they’d be into this canon character. you don’t need to do anything there (which to be clear you do you, that just holds very little appeal for me for various reasons. live your dreams my friends)

and it’s just weird to me that people will write things where. it’s characters who don’t interact much. and then they don’t put any effort into making the reader ship it? they jump straight to “both characters are yearning and have been since they met” because they ship it, and they don’t require buildup, and I’m like “but how did you get here. why does it matter that they’re doing these things for each other.” and a lot of it tends to be a lack of deep characterisation, so it could be any two guys being gay (or. any ship. i’m maybe thinking about Certain Popular Gay Ships in fandom but also calling out baby me’s destiel obsession specifically. it’s fine no judgment but also fandom has a white gay man problem and that is a different post entirely) - and a lot of it also seems to be like. allosexual people (I assume from uhhh sexytime context clues) and definitely alloromantic people thinking that attraction alone is the legwork. like there’s nothing else to prove about a relationship. they like each other, boom, romance.

when you’re writing a romance, you don’t just have to have the characters woo each other (which. as a reader of both fic romance and original, published romances, let me tell you a lot of writers don’t even do that) - you have to make the ship woo the readers. draw us in. prove to us in word and action that these two care, make each other better (or worse, I write some toxic codependent shit too), that there is some reason to want them together and not settle for whatever preexisting dynamic they have. why does it matter that these people are in love? why are these obstacles worth overcoming? what does it add to a non-romance story to have this ship in it?

I would like romances that romance me, damn it

[robynsscarf]

Ghosts: an essay :)

When I say the word “ghost” most people will immediately think about the ones in horror movies. The ones that like to scare people by moving objects in their house and randomly appearing behind them when they look in the mirror. But ghosts aren’t just cheap jumpscares to startle you when you don’t expect it, although using them as a scary monster in films can work really well if done in an original way. People are scared of the unknown, of what they can’t understand or see, and ghosts are exactly that. You don’t know what they look like, how they move, whether or not they can actually walk through walls and, most importantly, you don’t know what they want. Maybe they’re just curious or want to mess around a little bit, or maybe they’re one of your relatives or friends, who simply want to make sure you’re doing alright after you lost them. Then again, it is possible they want to scare the living hell out of you, and then kill you, or possess your body.

The most well-known type of ghost is what I like calling the “sheet ghost”. As the name indicates, this is the ghost that looks like a human with a bed sheet draped over ‘em, usually with two holes cut out where the eyes are supposed to be, so basically, it’s your typical Halloween ghost.

An evil spirit resembling this description is the one in the incredibly underrated “Under the Shadow”, a Persian horror film released in 2016. For most of the runtime, a mother and her daughter are haunted by something they can only manage to catch glimpses of, and if that wasn’t enough, their country is also being bombed. The spirit is particularly interested in the little girl, constantly hiding her toys and blocking her way to keep her from leaving. The reason why is unclear, but I’m guessing it wanted to either possess or eat her. Either way, its true form is finally revealed at the end of the third act, and it is not what you would usually expect: it looks like a bed sheet, but a massive one, and not one hiding a person underneath it. It can expand and move in a weirdly fluid way, and it turns into something resembling black tar. The little girl sinks in it as if it were sand, but she manages to get away, thanks to her mother. I like to think this creature is a collection of all the people previously lost due to the bombings, trying to claim the lives the bombs couldn’t, that won’t stop until it is defeated, or until it consumes every single person living in the country.

Previously, I used the word “haunting”. It is one of my favourite words, because of how many meanings it can take, and the weight that comes with saying it. It isn’t always something to be scared of, in fact most of the time, it just saddens me. Ghosts are, in my opinion, the saddest thing you could use in a film, whether it be a horror or something else. I view them in a more sympathetic way than most, because I see them as people, not scary monsters. Ghosts are people that have died, and aren’t ready to move on, or aren’t capable of passing to the other side for whatever reason. Oftentimes they have unfinished business to attend to, or weren’t, in any way shape or form, ready to die.

Writer and director Mike Flanagan aka the “horror king”, is the best at writing ghost stories. His most famous work, “the Haunting of Hill House” is one of the most incredible series I have ever watched. It is about five siblings, who’s mother is dead, and father absent from their lives. And then the unthinkable happens: little Nellie kills herself. The others are left wondering why she did that, and all blame themselves for not helping when she asked. They’re all haunted by the memories they have of her, as well as their own ghosts. For Luke, Nellie’s twin, it’s the tall man with the walking stick and hat; for Theo, the middle sister it’s the smiling man; for Shirley, the older sister, it’s the man she had an affair with; and for Steve, the eldest son, it’s mostly Nellie. Nellie, haunted by the bent-neck lady. Nellie, who haunted everyone.

The thing is, they’ve all been haunted since they were kids, since they moved into Hill House. Everything was fine before then. But the house ruined it all. It made their mother lose herself, little by little, until she almost killed her husband while sleepwalking. It scarred the children, a scar that will never fully heal. All because of some damn ghosts. They became adults, and lived somewhat happy lives, until their sister’s untimely death. After that, their ghosts came back to haunt them. Until they all came back to the house. Throughout the show, we are left wondering who these ghosts are, and why they choose to follow the kids. Most of them end up being people that used to live in Hill House, but one of them was an entirely different thing. The bent-neck lady, the one that haunted Nellie was… Nellie. She didn’t kill herself. Her own mother did. She died and she wanted her family back, so she strung a rope around her daughter’s nape, and watched her fall, breaking her neck. Nellie had been haunting herself the whole time. It’s like she knew it was going to happen, like she was trying to warn herself not to go back to the house. But she did, and nothing can change that.

In the end her father joins her and her mother, in order to let the others live. Acceptance. That is what Nellie represents. The final stage of the grief process. Because what are ghosts, if not our grief manifesting. Like Steve said: “ghosts are guilt, ghosts are secrets, ghosts are regret and failings. But most times, most times a ghost is a wish”. Ghosts can be anything, even memories. That is what makes the whole concept of ghosts such a sad one. Ghosts are the manifestation of one’s own grief and despair and fears. It can be someone you once loved, or a total stranger. Ghosts are anything and everything and nothing, all at once.

Another Flanagan masterpiece is “The Haunting of Bly Manor”. In this one, the main character, Dani, is haunted by her fiance’s ghost. He died seconds after she told him she wanted to call off their engagement. So she moves to England, to work as an Au Pair at Bly Manor, taking care of the two little kids. But her fiance isn’t the only ghost, because anyone that dies on the manor’s ground is cursed to stay there. No one who dies at Bly Manor ever truly leaves. The lady in the lake won’t let them go. The ghosts in this story are different from the ones in Hill House, because they can possess people. Two of them possess the kids, one because he wants the family's fortune, and one because she loves him. She changes her mind at the end, but somebody needs to take the lady in the lake’s place; and that will be Dani. Dani, whom Jamie, the florist, loved more than anything. Dani who restored her faith in people. Dani, who came to see her love every night, to rest her hand on hers, so they would always be together. Even if you can’t see them, they’re always there. Your ghosts, and only yours. They will never leave. That is why it is called a “haunting”. Everybody is haunted by something or someone. Whether they realise it or not is up to them.

But the ghost that really moved me was Hanna. Hanna was the caretaker of the Manor, and she died. She got pushed to the bottom of the well. But she didn’t know. She didn’t know she had died. She was so in denial, even the others could see and talk to her. When she realised what happened she wailed. She didn’t want to die. But that was something she had to accept in the end. It’s not like she could come back. At least she got to talk to the cook, Owen, one last time. Owen who knew she was dead, and helped her through it.

Being a ghost would be torture, because you can’t do anything. All you can do is watch. Watch your kids grow up without you. Watch your partner find someone else. Watch your family move on. You’ll miss out on so many experiences, so many of your dreams will never see the light. You’re helpless, useless, and completely, utterly alone. You’ll die of loneliness over and over and over again. And no one will know. No one will know your suffering and your pain. You will never be able to rest, unless you move on from your own demise. But how could you possibly do that? A24’s “A Ghost Story” is a perfect example of that.

Ghosts can be an apparition. They can guide you from another world and give you hope. In the very popular anime “Attack on Titan”, what happens is exactly that. I won’t get into its complicated and convoluted story, because the ghosts only appear right at the end. They appear in front of their living friends, after they had won the war, to show them that they knew. They knew that their death wasn’t in vain, and they wanted the people they cared about to know that they knew. That it was worth it. Levi, who lost literally all of his friends, finally found closure by seeing them one last time. By paying his final respects and giving his regards. All without having to say a single word. It is easily my favourite scene in the show. Sometimes, words are just not needed. I feel like ghosts are the perfect vehicle for that.

A similar thing happens in “Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure”, but this time, the ghosts actually speak. They encourage their friends and family to keep going without them. They give them hope and that is exactly what a ghost is. Hope. Because you know that there’s a ghost looking out for you. There always is. Whether it’s someone you know, or a complete stranger, you can always count on the fact that you’re not alone. If you want to make that creepy instead of sentimental, go ahead. I’m sure your ghost is going to have fun with it.

Ghosts can be a friend. In the 1985 film “Night on a Galactic Railroad”, Campanella guides his friend Giovanni, on the best and worst train ride of his lifetime. While riding the train, the two see amazing and whimsical things. They explore interesting towns and have fun together. But Giovanni doesn’t know that this is the last time he’ll see his best friend. He died. Everyone in town is looking for his body. He’s on the train to the afterlife, or whatever lies after death. Campanella knows this. And he knows that he’s the one that has to get off at the last stop, leaving his best friend behind. So he makes sure they have fun on their last adventure together, before he inevitably has to say goodbye.

Finally, ghosts can be a helper, like the three kids in “Coraline” who aided her escape. That way she wouldn’t meet the same demise they did. They helped her, even though she was a complete stranger. But that didn't matter to them. They were selfless ‘til the very end.

[fr-martin-gospel-reflections]

27th August - ‘Who do you say I am?’ Reflection on today’s gospel reading (Mt 16:13-20)

Twenty First Sunday in Ordinary Time

If each one of us were to ask the question Jesus asks in today’s gospel reading, I wonder what kind of answers we would get, ‘Who do people say I am?’ If I was told what other people had to say about me, I might feel that they don’t really understand me. Other people only have a limited insight into the kind of person any one of us is. There is always more to us than others see and hear.

When Jesus asked his disciples the question, ‘Who do people say the Son of Man is?’ he too would have felt that people didn’t really understand him. People were saying that Jesus was a prophet, like John the Baptist or Elijah. There was much more to Jesus than a prophet. Jesus then asked his disciples, ‘Who do you say I am?’ He would have expected a more insightful answer from them. They had been his close companions for some time. It would be like each of us asking the person who was closest to us, ‘Who do you say I am?’ We would expect a more insightful answer than that given by others. It was Peter who answered Jesus’ question, ‘You are the Christ, the Son of the living God’. Here was an answer that did much fuller justice to who Jesus really was. However, good as Peter’s answer was, he had a lot more to learn about the kind of Christ, the kind of Son of God, Jesus would be. He certainly didn’t think that Jesus was the kind of Christ or Son of God who would end up hanging on a Roman cross.

Jesus’ question, ‘Who do you say I am?’ is addressed to each one of us. This is not a question that is looking just for information, like a question on an examination paper. ‘Write a short essay on who Jesus is’. It is a much more personal question than that. Jesus is really asking, ‘Who am I for you?’ ‘What part do I play in your life?’ In a sense Jesus is asking, ‘How do you relate to me?’ ‘What image do you have of me?’ It is worth pondering that question a little this Sunday. Jesus speaks of himself throughout the gospels using many images. Which image appeals to you? Which image speaks most powerfully to you? In the gospel of John alone, Jesus says of himself, ‘I am the bread of life’, ‘I am the light of the world’, ‘I am the good shepherd’, ‘I am the gate’, ‘I am the resurrection and the life’, ‘I am the way, the truth and the life’, ‘I am the vine’. Elsewhere in John’s gospel, other people identify Jesus in other ways. John the Baptist says, ‘Here is the Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world’. The Samaritans declare, ‘This is truly the Saviour of the world’. Peter says to him, ‘You are the Holy One of God’. Thomas says to him, ‘My Lord and my God’. None of these ways of speaking about Jesus do him full justice, but each one gives us an insight into who he is. Which image speaks most powerfully to you? There was a time when the image of the Sacred Heart for Jesus spoke most powerfully to people. I remember that image in the kitchen of my grandparents. ‘Who do you say I am?’ ‘You are the Sacred Heart’. Even though Jesus never spoke of himself in this way, this image powerfully conveyed the tremendous love of Jesus for each of us personally, his loving presence at all times, especially in the valleys of darkness. Here was a love that loved me as I am, a love that could be trusted.

The image of Jesus that speaks most powerfully to us may not be based on anything Jesus said about himself or on what others said about him. It could be based on a gospel scene. I have a sense of Jesus as a constant companion. It is based on the scene in the gospel of Luke where the risen Lord joins the two disciples on the road to Emmaus, listening to their sad story, sharing God’s story from the Scriptures with them, and then making himself known to them in the breaking of bread, the Eucharist. ‘Who do you say I am?’ I might answer, ‘You are my constant companion, present in others, in your word, in the Eucharist’. What gospel scene, what image of Jesus from the gospels, speaks most powerfully to you? My mother was drawn to the gospel scene of Jesus talking to the Samaritan woman at the well. She said to me once, ‘It was to a woman that Jesus first revealed himself as the Messiah’. Where does Jesus speak most powerfully to you in the gospels? What scene do you feel drawn to in some way? Our answer to Jesus’ question, ‘Who do you say I am?’ will be very personal to each one of us, because Jesus relates personally to each of us. He calls each of us by name. He invites each of us into a personal relationship with himself, asking us to answer for ourselves his question, ‘Who do you say I am?’