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sunflowersupremes · 4 years ago

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Sleeping With the Enemy

Kinktober 2020: Omorashi, Watersports, Collaring, Humiliation, Hate Sex, Orgasm Denial,

It’s borderline consensual non-consent. Dandelion knows fully well that it’s an abusive relationship but he participates anyone because he likes it, so take that as you will.

Read on AO3

Series: A/B/O Happy

Sleeping with Valdo scratched a very particular itch that Dandelion rarely wished to have scratched. When he wanted it he craved it with all his being, but those times were few and far between.

So, even if Geralt disapproved of his hot and cold relationship with the other Troubadour, Dandelion refused to be kept from him.

If Dandelion wanted something, he was going to get it, one way or another.

That was how he came to be sprawled on his back on a narrow bed, his feet hanging over the sides. Valdo was kneeling between his legs, staring at him with cold, hungry eyes.

Gods he’s beautiful.

The blonde haired bard curled his toes and whined, his cock throbbing helplessly.

Dandelion had shown up at Valdo’s apartment in the evening, uninvited. But he knew he’d be let in, and sure enough, Valdo had given him a thin-lipped smile and opened the door. No sooner had Dandelion entered then he’d been forced to strip, and had a large, knotted toy crammed in his ass. Valdo hadn’t even stretched him properly (he’d been wet and loose already, but not enough) and the burn from the pain had gone straight to his cock, filling him with hot, burning desire.

Then he’d been thrown on the bed and a given silent look had informed him that if he touched himself he’d be tied up. He had, of course, tried to touch himself, so Valdo had grinned and gone for his toys.

Valdo was, if nothing else, a bit old fashioned. He had strange ideas about Omegas and their place in society, the sort of idea that usually made Dandelion roll his eyes and walk away (unfortunately, Valdo was truly beautiful and Dandelion was nothing if not a lover of fine things). He kept all sorts of old equipment, from the days when Omegas had been nothing more than broodmares, and gods if it didn’t turn Dandelion on sometimes.

The Alpha fitted him first with a gag that held his mouth open, then snapped a collar around his neck. Cuffs attached to the collar and held his wrists against his neck.

But Dandelion knew the worst was yet to come, and that knowledge went straight to his cock, making him grow ever harder.

He whined and writhed, waiting for Valdo to get out the rest of his toys. Please, he thought desperately. Geralt is going to give me a sound scolding for this and perhaps even a whipping, so I had better enjoy it. It wasn’t that Geralt controlled his sex life, but his one firm rule was that if Dandelion went to see Valdo he was supposed to tell him first. Unfortunately, the Witcher was currently hunting a gryphon to the north of town and Dandelion hadn’t wanted to wait.

Finally, finally, Valdo went for the rest of his toys. Dandelion wiggled with excitement as the cuffs were snapped around his ankles which were then tied to the headboard on long chains. His legs were forced into a perfect split, putting his aching hole fully on display, ready to be mounted.

He whined through the gag.

Valdo’s hand rubbed over Dandelion’s stomach slowly, then finally spoke. “One day,” he said quietly, “I’m going to fill you with child, Julian. I’ll keep you tied just like this, as your stomach swells with my baby.”

Geralt claimed that Valdo had once tried to pay him to steal Dandelion’s birth control. It was admittedly, probably true, but Dandelion didn’t care, not when Valdo was touching him with his skilled fingers, tickling up the underside of his leaking cock and pinching his nipples.

Dandelion curled his toes and whimpered.

Valdo’s fingers moved down further, sliding past his cock without touching it. Grasping the base of the toy, he removed it with a harsh tug. Dandelion let out a muffled cry, but the pain lasted only a second before Valdo’s warm cock slid inside him.

The Alpha pressed all the way in, then pulled out slightly, then pressed back in. He fell into a steady rhythm, somehow managing to miss Dandelion’s prostate each time. It didn’t matter, the Omega was fully hard anyway, writhing beneath him and whining.

“Do you want my knot, Julian?” Valdo growled.

Dandelion nodded greedily, drool dripping from his open mouth. Valdo believed that his knot was a treat, that Dandelion would only get it if he earned it (otherwise, if Valdo was in the mood to knot and Dandelion hadn't earned it, he would knot his throat and leave his hole empty).

“No,” said Valdo simply. He finished quickly, pumping Dandelion full of seed, but, true to his word, he pulled out, leaving Dandelion still hard, slick and semen dripping from his ass.

Valdo stepped away and Dandelion’s heart quickened, knowing what was coming. The next toy felt deceptively small as it went in, but Dandelion wasn’t fooled. Geralt would no doubt call it a torture device, and he honestly wasn’t far off. It hurt like hell and Dandelion loved it more than Valdo's knot (not that he would tell the other).

Like the rest of Valdo’s collection, it was older than either of the troubadours, but unlike most of his toys, it was enchanted. Toys like it had once been used to punish young omegas or to ease them through heats before they were mated. Once inside they would swell up and mimic an alpha's knot, but Valdo's had been altered, and it swelled even larger than Geralt's knot, feeling as though it would shred his insides. Dandelion moaned as he felt it start to grow, but the pleasure was quickly overcome by pain.

As he writhed and whimpered Valdo unchained his feet, picking him up and sitting down with Dandelion in his lap. He pulled him close and began to rock him. Unlike most people who had accepted that Omegas were capable of being every bit as clever and mature as Alphas and Betas, Valdo remained convinced they should be treated like children.

Dandelion curled into him willingly, leaning into the touch, however mocking the affection might be. Valdo popped a cork off a bottle of wine and took a sip, then dripped a bit into Dandelion’s mouth. He swallowed happily.

They drank their way through two bottles, curled together on Valdo’s bed, the Alpha pressing on Dandelion’s stomach as he whined from the pain of the toy. Soon though, the discomfort from the toy was joined by another discomfort, as he wiggled uncomfortably and pointed toward the water closet, hoping Valdo would get the hint and realize that he needed to pee.

Valdo seemed to understand, but he only gave Dandelion a mocking smile, pressing his fingers down firmly over the bard’s bladder. “Don’t you know to piss before you leave home? Didn’t your mommy teach you that?”

It was particularly cruel coming from Valdo, who knew full well that Dandelion had never known his mother.

He moaned and whimpered as Valdo continued to apply pressure. The Alpha’s other hand snaked down to rest over his cock, his thumb barely covering the slit.

Dandelion tried - he really, absolutely tried - but the pressure from the toy and Valdo’s hand was too much on his bladder. Tears of humiliation leaked out of his eyes as he finally let go, a weak stream of piss escaping his cock. Valdo’s hand kept it from getting on the alpha, instead it soaked Dandelion’s stomach and dripped between his legs.

His face was bright red.

Valdo sighed and shook his head. “What a naughty boy,” he said. “Gods, Julian, how do you still wet the bed, you’re nearly thirty. Do I need to purchase diapers for you?”

Dandelion shook his head quickly. That was further than even he wanted to take it, but he knew Valdo wouldn’t care what he said.

He was still wet and sticky as Valdo put his clothes back on him, ignoring the bards whines and attempts to fight against him. Once he was dressed Valdo slapped his ass, pulled the collar off, and - without waiting for a single word - shoved him out the door.

Dandelion could barely stand as he stumbled outside. His ass stung, his cock was still half hard, his intestines felt all wrong, and he desperately needed a bath. There was still enough alcohol coursing through his veins to make everything a bit fuzzy, and he had to think for a moment to remember the way back to his house. But before he could decide how best to limp back home, a strong arm wrapped around him.

“I knew I’d find you here, you fool bard,” Geralt murmured, ruffling his sweaty hair.

“Geralt!” Dandelion squealed. “Take me home!” His mind was already whirring, already coming up with a plan to keep Geralt from being angry with him. He’d play up the door, pitiful Omega, let Geralt realize how poorly Valdo had treated him - the Witcher could surely smell the piss on him - and convince Geralt to draw a warm bath for him. He’d get Geralt to join him in the tub, cuddle, rub up against him (and maybe get an orgasm, since he still hadn’t gotten one from Valdo), and just generally let Geralt spoil him. The Alpha would love it and forget that he’d told Dandelion to stay away from Valdo. To his addled mind, it seemed like the perfect way to get out of a spanking. “Pleaseee Geralt,” he whined.

The Witcher sighed, muttering about what a stupid slut Dandelion was, but he scooped him up willingly, holding him to his chest.

It was late, the streets dark and deserted, and no one saw them as they made they way home. Geralt didn’t even need to be prompted to put Dandelion in a bath, as soon as they got home he turned up his nose and informed him that he smelled horrid.

Dandelion was deposited straight in the tub, clothes and all, and Geralt poured a bucket of water over his head.

Cold water.

He immediately sobered up, shrieking, “Geralt!”

“Dandelion, I’ve begged you to tell me before you go looking for Valdo. That man is nothing but trouble. He does not care for you at all, only for the hypothetical children he believes you will give him.”

“I won’t have children, Geralt, I don’t even like them.”

“He’s not going to take no for an answer, Dandelion, don’t you see that?” Geralt began to unbutton Dandelion’s wet clothes, pulling them off the omega and tossing them aside. The Omega whined and shivered, pouting as Geralt poured more water over him. “He believes that you, as an Omega, are only a benefit to society so long as you bear children. Specifically, his children.”

“Geralt, he’s stupid and old-fashioned, but I can’t fault the quality of his cock. It's got a slight curve, you see-”

“He pissed on you, Dandelion.” Geralt grabbed a bar of soap and a rag, rubbing them together until it lathered. “You have half a dozen lovers in Oxenfurt alone, couldn’t you have gone to one of them if you were so horny?”

The bard decided it was best not to correct Geralt as to who’s piss it was (or the fact that he had more than half a dozen lovers in the city). “I wouldn’t go to him if I didn’t enjoy what he does. You of all people ought to understand that, after all Yennefer-”

Geralt shoved the bar of soap in his mouth. “Not another word,” he said sharply. “I won’t have you speaking ill of Yennefer.” He began cleaning Dandelion with the soapy cloth, his touch gentle as he rubbed it between his legs and over his stomach. But, despite Dandelion's hopeful look, he paid no more attention to the bard's cock than the rest of him (of course, the cold water had killed his erection, but he was more than willing to try again).

Dandelion knew better than to spit out the soap, no matter how foul it tasted, so he pouted instead, giving Geralt the most pitiful look he could muster as he continued to shiver in the cool night air. It seemed to have worked because after a moment Geralt held out his hand, and Dandelion was more than happy to spit the soap out for him.

Once he was sufficiently clean Geralt rinsed him once more, then helped him from the tub and wrapped him in a towel. He rubbed Dandelion’s head briskly to dry his hair as best he could (it hadn’t gotten too wet, most of the water had been dumped on his chest and groin).

“Dandelion, the world is a much safer place for Omegas than it has ever been, but men like Valdo would see it return to the primitive ages past.” Geralt dressed him in a robe as he spoke, then ushered him out of the bathroom and toward his bedroom.

“I know, Geralt, I know. But I’m a liberated man, I-”

“Liberated men don’t have to be stupid.” Geralt lit a fire in the hearth with a snap of his fingers, then pushed Dandelion toward the bed. “I am begging you, don’t go to Valdo without telling me at the very least.”

“Geralt-”

“Or is that part of the thrill for you Omega? Knowing that he’ll degrade and humiliate you and then, when you return to me, I’ll thrash your hide?”

Dandelion didn’t say anything, but that seemed to be enough of an answer for Geralt. The Witcher shook his head as he pushed Dandelion into the bed. “Do you have lectures to give tomorrow, bard?”

“At noon, yes,” the bard said, leaning into the pillows happily. “On the history of-”

“You’ll be teaching with a well spanked ass,” said the Witcher, draping a blanket over him. “Goodnight Dandelion, we’ll continue this in the morning.” He leaned over him, pressing a kiss to his temple, but then shifted as though he planned to step away.

“Don’t go,” Dandelion whined.

Geralt sighed and slid into bed beside him, wrapping his arms around Dandelion and pulling him close. “I wasn’t planning to, clearly I have to keep a close watch on you at all times.”

“I love you,” the Omega yawned, burying himself against Geralt happily.

“I love you too, you damnable whore.”

#jaskier #dandelion #geralt #geralt of rivia #Witcher Fanfiction #Witcher Fanfic #The Witcher #Wiedźmin #My Writing #series: A/B/O Happy

7 notes · View notes

sporclerhejman · 4 years ago

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Notes on ‘Hoping this Finds You...’

Every slide in ‘Hoping this Finds You’ contains at least three clues- the ‘hoping this finds you’ tagline, the author of the note, and at least one thing in the note itself. But many of them contain 4, 5, 6+ clues, some of which are less obvious, and which may be buried in the text, intentional spelling modifications, capitalized words, or even the choice of the background paper. I thought it might be fun to outline where all those Easter eggs are hidden.

Slide #1: Abe Lincoln

Text Clues: ‘Appomattox Courthouse’- site of the final major battle of the Civil War, April 1865; ‘Passage of the Amendment’- a reference to the late January 1865 passage of the 13th Amendment by the House of Representatives (and a nod to the movie ‘Lincoln’); ‘I am sorry that I can’t join you in the district tonight’- Grant was originally supposed to be with Lincoln at Ford’s Theater on April 14th, but decided, instead, to travel to New Jersey to visit family; ‘Give my best to Tad and Mary’- Lincoln’s son and wife.

Hoping this finds you reference: Lincoln, a big fan of the theater, was assassinated at a showing of ‘My American Cousin’ on April 14, 1865 at Ford’s Theater.

Signatory- General Ulysses Grant, Lincoln’s commander of the Union Army.

Slide #2: Mikhail Gorbachev

Background clue: White House letterhead

Text clues: ‘what I hold Helmut Kohl’- Kohl was German Chancellor from 1982 to 1998; ‘strain on our relations for more than two decades’- the Berlin Wall stood from 1961 to 1989; ‘making the speech at the Brandenburg’- Reagan’s famous ‘tear down this wall’ speech was made with the Brandenburg Gate in the background; ‘tie this issue to the disarmament talks’- The Reykjavík Summit was held in October 1986, just a few months before the ‘tear down this wall’ speech; ‘Schulz will see that Congress back me on that’- George Schulz was Reagan’s Secretary of State from 1982-1989; ‘party commissariat’- the term ‘commissariat’ had actually been replaced with the word ‘ministry’ by the 1980s, but being a term uniquely connected to the Soviet governmental structure, it made for a better clue.

Hoping this finds you reference: A direct reference to the 1987 ‘tear down this wall’ speech.

Signatory: Reagan, who was called ‘Ronnie’ by his wife Nancy and closest friends.

Slide #3: Marie Curie

Background clue: A lab notebook! (Probably a bit modern for the Curies)

Text clues: ‘contamination with barium’- The late 1890s attempts by Marie and Pierre Curie to isolate radium were complicated because attempts to separate radium from pitchblende often resulted in barium contamination; ‘salt form may be isolated by differential crystallization’- the Curies eventually settled on the difficult and slow process of using differential crystallization to separate pure radium, but got only one tenth of a gram of pure radium from two thousand pounds of pitchblende; ‘Becquerel agrees’- I have no idea what Henri Becquerel thought about this process, or if he even knew, but he shared the 1903 Nobel Prize in Physics with the Curies, based on his early work on radioactivity, and this was a chance to include him as a clue to narrow the focus on Pierre and Marie; ‘do not think the half-life of polonium will allow for a similar method’- The Curies were never able to isolate pure polonium because it has a half-life of only about four months; ‘something Irene and Eve both enjoy’- The names of the Curie’s daughters; ‘lovely night for a stroll on the Rue Dauphine’- This is a bit dark, and actually made me choke up a bit doing it, but Pierre Curie was killed when struck by a carriage on the Rue Daupine in April, 1906.

Hoping this finds you reference: Curie won two Nobel Prizes and is known for her work in radioactivity. She died as a result of aplastic anemia from radiation exposure.

Signatory: Her husband, and fellow Nobel winner, Pierre.

Slide #4: Julius Caesar

Text clues: ‘display at the Circus Maximus’- The Roman chariot racing stadium; ‘this new calendar’- The Julian calendar was proposed and adopted by Caesar in 45 BC; ‘dictator in perpetuity’- Shortly after the adoption of that calendar, Caesar was granted the status of dictator in perpetuity; ‘war against the Parthians’- Parthia was a kingdom near the Caspian Sea in present day Iran. Caesar was planning an assault there at the time of his assassination; ‘set up a time with Brutus’- Merely a reference to Brutus and to Caesar’s famous line ‘Et tu, Brute’ from Shakespeare’s ‘Julius Caesar’; ‘Looking forward to seeing you at the Senate this evening’- Caesar was killed at the Senate on March 15, 44 BC.

Hoping this finds you reference: As noted, above, Caesar was killed on the Ides of March, thus the famous saying, ‘Beware the Ides of March’.

Signatory: Mark Antony, one of Caesar’s generals and political allies, who commanded the eventual war against Parthia. I chose him, specifically, so that I could use him as a double signatory for the Cleopatra slide as well.

Slide #5: Amelia Earhart

Text clues: ‘Fred would never let you down or lead you astray’- Fred Noonan was Earhart’s navigator on her fateful last flight; ‘have looked for you all the way along your Pacific route’- a reference to the search for Earhart after her disappearance; ‘searching around Howland Island’- A designated refueling stop on her flight, but a location which she never reached.

Hoping this finds you reference: Simply a note that Earhart has never been found.

Signatory: Her husband, George.

Slide #6: The Wright Brothers

Text clues: ‘Thrilled to hear the news from Kitty Hawk’- The Wright Brothers’ first successful powered flight came on the beaches at Kitty Hawk, NC; ‘The bike shop is holding up’- The brothers operated a bicycle shop in Dayton, Ohio, which still stands today and is open to tourists; ‘regular contact with the Air Corps’- The Brothers sold technology, and entire aircraft, to the Army Air Corps.

Hoping this finds you reference: The Brothers had just completed their first successful powered flight and were constantly attempting longer and higher flights (which were generally successful).

Signatory: Hart O. Berg, the Wright Brothers’ business manager in Europe, and his wife, Edith, who also managed European business for them, was the first American woman to fly in a plane. (Odd historical note, Sarah Van Deman, the daughter-in-law of John Van Deman, who built my house, and lived in it from 1878-1921, was the first woman to fly in a plane in the United States. John’s son, Ralph, was an Army Captain.)

Slide #7: Napoleon Bonaparte

Text clues: ‘he may rule France in the future’- This text snippet (meant to insinuate that this is a segment of the note) is a reference to Napoleon’s son; ‘Reports from Borodino’- The Battle of Borodino, September 7, 1812, was the deadliest battle of the Napoleonic Wars, but also a tactical victory for the French; ‘that traitor, Alexander’- Tsar Alexander had been an ally of the French, but relations broke down, leading to Napoleon’s invasion of Russia; ‘Perhaps Moscow can be our capital in the east’- French forces, following the Battle of Borodino, were mounting their assault on Moscow.

Hoping this finds you reference: Napoleon did not enjoy the French winter.

Signatory: Marie Louise, Napoleon’s 2nd wife.

Slide #8: Ferdinand Magellan

Background clue: An old naval map

Text clues: ‘that idiot Manuel’- A reference to the King of Portugal, who declined the opportunity to fund Magellan’s attempt to find a westward route for the spice trade; ‘There is move afoot to name the strait after you’- Of course, this wouldn’t happen until much later, but the passage around S. America is now known as the ‘Straight of Magellan’; ‘converting the Cebu’- Magellan and his men had successfully converted the Cebu tribe to Christianity; ‘similar success with the Mactan’- Magellan would definitely not have similar success with the Mactan’ ‘circumnavigation and the spice trade’- I couldn’t really make Magellan any more obvious than this.

Hoping this finds you reference: Magellan’s attempts to convert the Mactan led to battle, during which he was killed with a spear, thus ‘in good spear-its’.

Signatory: King Carlos I of Spain, benefactor of Magellan’s circumnavigation.

Slide #9: Lady Godvia

Text clues: ‘I have reduced the taxes’- The legend of Lady Godiva, almost certainly apocryphal, is that she was angry at her husband for overtaxing the poor and he made a bet with her that if she rode naked, on horseback, through the town, he would reduce the taxes. According to the legend, she did; ‘you may donate as much of our wealth as you like to the churches’- She was also famously a benefactor of local religious institutions; ‘I have even freed the peeping tailor’- The legend also provides that Godiva made an edict before her ride requiring all of the townspeople to stay inside with their shutters closed. A tailor named ‘Tom’ was the only one to break the rule. This is where we get the phrase ‘peeping Tom’ from; ‘do not embarrass the Earldom of Mercia’- Godiva’s husband was the Earl of Mercia.

Hoping this finds your reference: The Earl would, of course, want Godiva off the horse and wearing some clothing.

Signatory: Leofric, Godiva’s husband, and the Earl of Mercia.

Slide #10: William Howard Taft

Text clues: ‘agree with you about the income tax’- Taft was opposed to the institution of a national income tax, believing it unconstitutional; ‘ratification of the 16th A. has certainly settled the issue’- To address the claim of unconstitutionality, Congress adopted, and the states ratified, the 16th Amendment in 1913; ‘trade agreement with Canada’- Taft was, at that time, working on a free trade agreement with Canada; ‘dream of a Supreme Court appointment- Taft is most famous for being the only person to be both U.S. President and Chief Justice of the U.S. Supreme Court.

Hoping this finds you reference: The story is apocryphal, but Taft is also known for his girth, and thus the legend that he got stuck in the White House bathtub. There is no indication that it ever actually happened.

Signatory: Philander Knox, Taft’s Secretary of State.

Slide #11: Cleopatra

Text clues: ‘do not think is wise to have Herod visit again’- Herod famously visited Egypt in 40 BC, then traveled on to Rome. He and Cleopatra had competing claims to territory; ‘Octavian is quite pleased with the invasion of Armenia’- Octavian was heir to the Roman throne, and would have been quite pleased with the 34 BC invasion of Armenia, which Cleopatra funded; ‘call on your aid to support the cost of our armies’- see previous note about the Armenian invasion; ‘Ptolemaic Dynasty’- Cleopatra was the last of the Ptolemaic leaders before direct Roman rule; ‘Your story is Taylor made’- Cleopatra has frequently been the subject of modern artistic depictions, most famously the 1963 film starring Elizabeth Taylor.

Hoping this finds you reference: Cleopatra committed suicide (likely by poison), essentially ending the Hellenistic period.

Signatory: Mark Antony, Cleopatra’s third and final spouse.

Slide #12: Neil Armstrong

Background clue: NASA Space Task Group letterhead, in use from 1958-1962, and again for the Apollo program beginning in 1969.

Text clues: ‘leap mankind’- A reference to ‘one giant leap for mankind’, Armstrong’s famous words when first setting foot on the moon; ‘you and Buzz will be successful’- Buzz Aldrin was the command module pilot on Apollo 11, and the 2nd man to walk on the moon; ‘Langley to Houston to Canaveral’- All of the space command locations in 1969.

Hoping this finds you reference: Neil was certainly ‘Out of this world’ when landing on the moon.

Signatory: Deke Slayton, Air Force pilot, Mercury 7 astronaut, Chief of the Astronaut Office, Director of Flight Crew Operations, and Apollo-Soyuz astronaut.

Slide #13: Al Gore

Text clues: ‘campaigned long and hard’- Immediately narrows to a politician; ‘been such a loyal and true VP’- further narrows to Vice-Presidents; ‘CNN has just called Florida’- Most news networks originally called Florida for Gore on election night 2000, before backtracking, leading most people to think Gore had won; ‘So much for the Bush dynasty’- George W. Bush, son of former President George H.W. Bush, was Gore’s opponent; ‘beginning of eight more years’- Gore had been VP from 1993-2001; ‘Tennessee should be proud’- Gore was from Tennessee and had been a U.S. Senator representing that state; ‘Give Tipper my best, Hil says ‘hi’- A reference to Tipper Gore and Hillary Clinton.

Hoping this finds you reference: Gore never got to make a victory speech.

Signatory: Bill Clinton, President when Gore was VP.

Slide #14: Bill Gates

Background clue: Dot matrix printer paper!

Text clues: ‘insisting that software developers are paid’ and ‘Who cares what those computer hobbyists think’- Gates and Allen’s early work on Altair BASIC was widely pirated by early computer hobbyists. Gates insisted on copyright claims, angering some of those computer builders. ‘meeting next week with IBM’- The July, 1980 contract between IBM and Microsoft set up at IBM as the major player in computer hardware and Microsoft in the same position on software. ‘Excelling’ and ‘Word’- Microsoft Excel and Microsoft Word are two of the company’s flagship products.

Hoping this finds you reference: Microsoft Windows is the key product powering the company.

Signatory: Paul Allen is co-founder of Microsoft.

Slide #15: Margaret Thatcher

Background clue: Buckingham Palace letterhead.

Text clues: ‘brave men and women in the Falklands’- Thatcher was PM during the UK-Argentina Falklands War; ‘handling of the Hong Kong negotiations’- Thatcher negotiated the terms of the Hong Kong transfer to China at the end of the agreement for British control of the city; ‘Sending you, Dennis, and the children all my best’- A reference to Thatcher’s husband and their kids.

Hoping this finds you reference: Thatcher was famously known as the ‘Iron Lady’.

Signatory: Queen Elizabeth II. I was unsure how she would sign her name in such a note, but found several example of letters to political figures that she signed simply, ‘Elizabeth’.

Slide #16: Pete Best

Text clues: ‘Epstein thinks’- Brian Epstein was the Beatles manager’ ‘great chance at Decca’- The Beatles breakthrough recording session came at Decca’s recording studios, but it was also the end of Best’s tenure with the band; ‘My Bonny’- One of the Beatles early recordings was a cover of ‘My Bonny’ and it gained them some attention at Decca; ‘George is working on some new stuff’- A passing reference to George Harrison; ‘The drummer is always key’- Best was the drummer, and his perceived shortcomings in that key role led to his dismissal; ‘You’re the...’- Just a play on words on Best’s name; ‘sure that you’ll be a Starr’- Best’s replacement was Ringo Starr.

Hoping this finds you reference: Best would not remain a member of the band.

Signatories: John Lennon and Paul McCartney

Slide #17: George Lucas

Background clue: Stephen Spielberg formed Amblin Entertainment in the early 1980s shortly before the release of E.T.

Text clues: ‘take on directing the second part of your space opera’- Lucas had decided not to direct after A New Hope. There were some discussions with Spielberg, but the latter never directed a Star Wars film; ‘two pending sci-fi projects of my own’- E.T. and Poltergeist; ‘and the Indy sequel’- Temple of Doom was released in 1984; ‘Kershner or Marquand’- the eventual directors of Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi; ‘Crichton and I are discussing a project that we might need ILM on’- Spielberg directed the movie version of Crichton’s ‘Jurassic Park’ in 1993 and ILM did the special effects. In reality, they would not discuss the novel until October 1989, shortly before its release; ‘Tell Harrison not to hurt himself’ and ‘behind the whip again’- References to Ford starring in in both Star Wars and Indiana Jones.

Hoping this finds you reference: The Force was with Lucas to the tune of a $4 billion sale to Disney.

Signatory: Steven Spielberg

Slide #18: Mary Shelley

Text references: ‘1 July 1822′- The date of Percy’s death; ‘news from London is good- Victor is a hit’- Mary’s novel ‘Frankenstein’ was released in 1822 to much acclaim; ‘Byron says he can’t wait to see what you produce next’- The poet Byron was a close friend of the Shelleys; ‘The Don Juan is ready to sail’- Percy’s ill-fated boat was named the ‘Don Juan’; ‘Williams and I plan to take her out’ and ‘I’m sure it will go well’- Percy and his friend Edward Wiliams launched the boat on July 1, 1822. It sank and they were both killed as was a young deckhand they brought with them.

Hoping this finds you reference: Frankenstein was monstrously good.

Signatory: Percy Bysshe Shelley, Mary’s husband.

Slide #19: David Livingstone:

Text clues: ‘dispatched by the New York Herald’- Stanley’s expedition to find Livingstone was funded by the New York paper; ‘sail to Zanzibar in March’ and ‘try to locate you near Lake Tanganyika’- This was Stanley’s route; ‘anxioiusly await the Herald’s funding’- Stanley was delayed by slow funding from the paper.

Hoping this finds you reference: Livingstone was in Ujiji when Stanley found him.

Signatory: Henry Morton Stanley, speaker of the famous line, ‘Dr. Livingstone, I presume?’

Slide #20: Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Background clue: Attorney General Letterhead

General note: I was hesitant about this one. King and Bobby Kennedy were not close friends, and subsequent to their deaths have been described as ‘arms-length’ and ‘quiet rivals’. I was careful to try not to suggest a closer relationship between them than actually existed.

Text clues: ‘Jack how good it was to see you in the Rose Garden’- This should immediately give the timeline as 1961-1963 and MLK was actually in the Rose Garden on June 22, 1963; seeking intervention for the SNCC’- President Kennedy was asked to intervene on behalf of the Student Nonviolent Coordinating Committee; ‘reached out to John Lewis’- A young Lewis was the SNCC leader and this clue should further help with timeline and subject matter; ‘formal proposal for the Civil Rights Act’- That proposal was in June 1963, contemporaneous to King’s Rose Garden visit; ‘southern trips- Miami, Tampa, Dallas’- JFK made those exact trips in November 1963, culminating with his assassination in Dallas, though they were more campaign stops than trips in support of the Civil Rights Act; ‘Washington March next month’- King’s legendary ‘I Have a Dream’ speech was made in August of 1963 during that march; ‘everything that you are dreaming of’- A reference to that speech.

Hoping this finds you reference: A nod to King’s ‘Been to the Mountaintop’ speech, delivered the night before his assassination in 1968.

Signatory: Robert Kennedy, then U.S. Attorney General

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queenietheapprentice · 6 years ago

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Apprentice ask

By the lovely @communitytheaterlucio

Which character(s) is your apprentice romancing? What attracts your apprentice to them? Queenie is romancing Julian, but she’s been in love with Asra, and they had a relationship before the red plague killed her. What she liked about Asra was how well he knew her, and how he always seemed to know what was on her mind. He cares so much for her, and it was nice feeling appreciated for once. What she likes about Julian is, well... she can’t pinpoint it exactly. He’s dramatic and funny, kind and sympathetic and also romantic and happy. Maybe that’s it, there is no explanation for why she loves him, he just makes her happy, and she’s content with that.

If your apprentice was a romanceable character in The Arcana, what would their route be like? (Feel free to be as detailed or as vague as you’d like.) The main “problem” in Queenie’s route would be regaining her memories, and figuring out why everything bad is happening in Vesuvia. She knows Lucio is the cause of the plague, but not why. She knows her memories are lost, but not how many or what they’re about. She also wants to know what happened to her parents, since she doesn’t remember her life before moving in with Asra. Her romantic scenes wouldn’t be dirty, but rather sweet and cute. Queenie can be forward and headstrong, but if you show her affection she gets really shy. She’d probably go on nature walks, or walks in the city, stargazing, exploring and trips to small stores and libraries a lot, and you’d get to go with her! Also, Queenie’s route would include learning a lot of new magic, and maybe even some magic lessons.

How does your apprentice take their coffee? Do they even drink coffee? If not, what do they drink instead to put pep in their step? Queenie does drink coffee and tea, depending on her mood. She takes her coffee with milk and a dash of cocoa powder, and her tea with honey. Although, her favorite drink is lemon iced tea.

If your apprentice was attending a potluck, what would they take as their contribution? The dessert obviously! She’d make something fresh and sweet, like key lime pie. She’d probably bring some homemade soda, also.

What are some of your apprentice’s minor and major fears? What’s the best way to comfort them when afraid? Minor fears: She doesn’t like heights, although she finds them beautiful. Another minor fear of hers is not being able to protect the people she cares about. This is only minor because she feels confident most of the time, especially because of her magic. Major fears: GOD, where do I start? She’s terrified of failing or not being good enough (the constant struggle of a perfectionist, am I right?), and she is afraid no one will ever understand her, leaving her to feel lonely for the rest of her life. She hates speaking in front of crowds of people, no matter if there’s 5 of them or 200. During Julian’s trial, she was close to fainting. The only reason she could control herself was that she was afraid of losing him. Comfort: This really depends on three factors: a) What fear is troubling her? b) Who is there to comfort her? c) What mood was she in before she got scared? If you’re close to Queenie, know her well and also know her greatest fears, a hug will go a long way. Queenie usually hates hugs, but if she’s sad (or just really likes you) one might just make her feel better. If you’re not close with Queenie and she isn’t totally panicking, just sit with her and talk about anything else, help her distract herself.

Does your apprentice enjoy dressing up or would they prefer to just wear what’s comfortable? Queenie sorta can’t decide here. She loves comfy clothes, she’d wear her pajamas everywhere if she could. At the same time, she enjoys dressing up and feeling pretty (for, like, 5 minutes). She also likes the surprised faces she sees whenever she dresses up.

Is your apprentice happy with their physical appearance? If so, do they flaunt it? If not, what do they want to change? Queenie is 5′2, a little curvy and not what you’d call an ideal beauty. Her height doesn’t bother her, she kind of likes it actually. Her face doesn’t bother her either. She used to think she was plain, but she now thinks she’s beautiful when she looks in the mirror. However, she sometimes feels chubby, even though logically she knows she isn’t. She thinks her thighs are too thick, and her stomach sometimes bothers her. Whenever she sits down, she makes sure her stomach doesn't “hang over” her waistband. Asra and Julian are constantly telling her she needs to stop, and she really is trying to.

What would your apprentice want as a birthday gift? Oh, anything with a sweet thought behind it. She also loves books, notebooks, pens, paintbrushes, paint, concert tickets, and so on. Anything magic will also make her happy.

What is your apprentice’s natural stress response (fight, flight, or freeze) and how does that influence their actions when confronted with a stressful situation? Do they recover from stress quickly or does it affect them for hours afterward? When thrown into a stressful situation, Queenie is quick thinking and often finds a good solution to the problem. She avoids fighting if she can, but if she has to defend herself she will. Problem-solving is one of her strongest attributes, so these kinds of things aren’t really a problem for her while they’re happening. Afterwards, she can break down and cry for hours if it was stressful enough, or put it away and react to it months or years afterward.

What’s the first thing someone is likely to notice about your apprentice when meeting them for the first time? Do they have any other quirks that set them apart? A lot of people notice Queenie’s weird quirks first, like how she smiles, cries and laughs when she reads. Some notice that she constantly inspects her surroundings, and others just notice the cockiness radiating off of her. Julian and Asra, however, noticed her eyes first, and the look of fascination, curiosity and liveliness in them.

How does your apprentice act when meeting new people? Are they outgoing, shy, awkward, aloof? Do they like being the center of attention? Queenie gets anxious being put in social situations and being introduced to new people. Either she sits there awkwardly and says nothing, or she tries to avoid the quietness and babbles about irrelevant things. Either way, it’s always awkward.

How does you apprentice treat people in positions of authority? Does your apprentice believe they deserve respect just because of their position/status? Queenie has a basic respect for everyone, but if they get to keep that respect or not is up to them. She judges people by their actions and how they treat others, and so, if an authority is cruel to innocent people, (*cough* *cough* Lucio) she loses respect for them, and that will be obvious when she speaks to them.

Your apprentice sees someone who is very obviously wealthy accidentally drop a small pouch of coins. What do they do? She gives it back to them, of course. Queenie wants to help the poor people in Vesuvia, but not by stealing. She might befriend the rich person and get them to give to charity themselves, but she would never steal if she didn’t have to.

What was your apprentice’s reaction to Julian’s speech on the docks in Book VII? How did they deal with it afterwards? At first, she was hurt, thinking he didn’t actually care about her. Then she was angry, thinking he’d led her on. Then she was heartbroken, finding out how Julian thought of himself. And then she was angry again, partly because he couldn’t see his own value, and partly because he wasn’t letting her make her own choices.

How does your apprentice feel about sharing a bed with Asra in the shop? At the moment she isn’t sharing a bed with Asra, but she was before the plague. When he first suggested it, she freaked out and got nervous, but then when he held her for the first time, she calmed down and found it quite nice.

Does your apprentice enjoy the luxury of the palace and Nadia’s gifts or do they find it overwhelming? To be straight to the point, no, Queenie hates living at the palace. She feels like she never gets her privacy, and all the attention is too much for her. She just wants to go back to the shop.

How does your apprentice react when confronted with the creature from the abandoned wing in Asra and/or Nadia’s routes in Book VII? What’s going through their head at the time? She was just shocked. She’d never seen anything quite like it, so her mind instantly tried to figure out what it was. But mostly, she was curious and fascinated.

How does your apprentice feel about Consul Valerius? They sort of have a love-hate relationship. They constantly banter and fight, and they never agree on anything. Though she’d never admit it, she thinks he’s funny and she cares about him.

Is there a song or songs that you associate with your apprentice? Next to me - Imagine Dragons Born to run - Bruce Springsteen Audition (from La La Land) Bitter sweet symphony - The Verve Mia and Sebastian’s theme (also from La La Land) And lastly Secret Garden - Bruce Springsteen

Is your apprentice friends with any other fan apprentices? No. Aside from hanging out with Julian, Mazelinka, Portia, Nadia and Asra, she keeps mostly to herself. Also, she thinks that some of the other apprentices are a little fake. Plus, they always trash talk her and try to make her feel bad. (This last part applies to other apprentices that may live in Vesuvia, not fan apprentices!)

#the arcana #the arcana game #julian #julian devorak #the arcana julian #asra #asra the magician #the arcana asra #the apprentice #the arcana apprentice #fan apprentice #apprentice ask

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staircasttext · 4 years ago

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Ep 07 Transcript: A Lawless, Bloodly Time

Episode 7

PAZ: Hi everyone, welcome back to Stairway to StarClan, a Warriors Cat reread pawdcast. I'm Paz.

JULIAN: I'm Julian.

LIZ: I'm Liz.

PAZ: And joining us today, we have a special guest.

ALIX: Hi, I'm Alix.

PAZ: Very excited to have another Warriors expert, Alix, on the podcast.

ALIX: I'm so happy to be here. This is my favorite podcast.

PAZ: Why, thank you. Yeah, so we're all here today with a guest to do like a wrap up episode on Into the Wild cause I think it would be fun, and love to hear from other former Warriors fans and--

ALIX: I'm a current Warriors fan. Excuse you.

PAZ: Yeah. We're-- I don't know. What's the word for when you get back into something? I don't know. We're in it again.

JULIAN: Returning fans.

ALIX: The lapsed fans. Reformed. Reborn.

PAZ: Mm... no?

ALIX: Born again.

JULIAN: Resurrected.

PAZ: Baptized in the waters of RiverClan.

JULIAN: We've done it again, everyone. Fireheart has become Catholic.

PAZ: No. How does this keep happening? We've only been recording for like, two minutes. God. Okay. Um, yes, this is our Into the Wild recap, retrospective episode. But to start, I think we should, you know, get to hear from Alix, like what your relationship to Warriors is.

ALIX: Yeah, so I read these when I was a kid. Probably from when I was something like eight years old. So I don't actually remember how I got into these books. But they were my first major obsession. And I would, you know, tell anybody who would listen about them. I would draw little family trees. I would play Warrior Cats with my sister in the field near our house. Yeah, I love these books. And I started reading them again because of the podcast. And they're good. They're like, legit good.

LIZ: They are.

PAZ: Yeah, yeah, it's like beyond even just the nostalgia factor. Like I'm very much enjoying these books.

ALIX: Yeah, these were the first thing that ever got me to go on fanfiction.net.

PAZ: Wow.

LIZ: Wow.

ALIX: Although I never posted any Warriors fanfiction, I read a lot of it and commented on various, you know, like OC adventures. And I got, you know, a random kit named after my second name, which was fun.

JULIAN: Aw.

PAZ: I also read some Warriors fanfic on fanfic.net. And it was always like, OC. I never read any fanfic, like, featuring just the original characters. I don't know.

ALIX: I don't think I did either.

PAZ: I'll have to look back on.

ALIX: But you know, that's how I kind of got into fanfiction and then I started posting Maximum Ride fanfiction eventually.

JULIAN: A natural transition.

ALIX: Yep. You know, from cats to kids with wings.

PAZ: I also, yeah.

ALIX: And then, you know, I've been in fandom for like 13 years now. And it's how I met all of you guys. So I think it's a good thing that Warriors has done for me.

PAZ: Thank you, Warriors.

ALIX: Thank you Warriors.

LIZ: Warriors, bringing us again together in these dark times.

JULIAN: In this, the darkest hour.

PAZ: In these unprecedented times. Well, I'm very excited to have you on the podcast. But, you know, since you're our guest here, I thought maybe we could quiz you on the book to make sure you're really like up to par for the--

ALIX: To be on the show?

PAZ: Yeah, to be on this show, this very like, well-researched, dedicated show.

ALIX: Well, thank god, you know, I was hoping you wouldn't just let just anyone on the show. Only verified Warrior Cats experts.

PAZ: Yeah, we have to vet you. So luckily there is a quiz on warriorcats.com. An official quiz, How Well Do You Know Into the Wild? So get ready.

ALIX: Do you want me to take it, or do you want me to answer it and then you can put in the answers for me?

PAZ: Yeah, you can answer and we'll read it out.

ALIX: Okay.

PAZ: Okay, you ready?

ALIX: I'm ready. I have my copy of Into the Wild here, but I won't cheat.

PAZ: No cheating. Please, book away.

JULIAN: This is a closed book test.

ALIX: Of course.

PAZ: Who first received the prophecy about fire? A, Bluestar, B, Oakheart, C, Rusty, D, Tigerclaw, or E, Spottedleaf. Oh,

ALIX: I believe it was Spottedleaf?

PAZ: Okay, I think you're right.

ALIX: It's between that and Bluestar. I think they talk about it for sure.

PAZ: Aw, I think you only get to see at the end.

ALIX: Well, okay.

PAZ: We'll see. I think you're right. What was Firepaw's name when he was a kittypet?

ALIX: Okay, quiz.

PAZ: A, Smokey, B, Smudge, C, Henry, D, Rusty, E, Blaze.

ALIX: I'm going to say Rusty.

LIZ: Blaze...

ALIX: God I wish his name was Blaze.

JULIAN: Justice for Henry.

PAZ: Who becomes deputy immediately after Redtail? A, Lionheart, B, Whitestorm, C, Tigerclaw, D, Firepaw, E, Mousefur. That'd be incredible.

LIZ: This baby is my deputy.

ALIX: It is Lionheart.

PAZ: Yes. Okay.

ALIX: I feel like Mousefur only shows up in one scene.

PAZ: Yeah, Mousefur is not really in this book. What happens when Bluestar's patrol passes through the barn on the way back to camp? A, Barley betrays them. B, rats attack them. C, the dogs get loose and attack them. D, they pass through the barn peacefully. E, Firepaw stays with Barley and lives as a loner. That's some AU fanfic.

ALIX: Yeah, that would be a twist. Well, the answer is that rats attack them, and Bluestar loses a life.

PAZ: They sure fucking do.

ALIX: Barley would never betray them.

PAZ: No.

ALIX: This quiz offends me.

PAZ: That's homophobic frankly.

ALIX: Honestly.

PAZ: Who does Ravenpaw claim killed Redtail? A, Oakheart, B, Tigerclaw, C, himself.

[laughter]

D, Bluestar.

LIZ: Tigerclaw wrote this quiz.

PAZ: He did.

ALIX: Is there an E?

PAZ: E, Whitestorm.

ALIX: It is Tigerclaw and I would just want to say, claim? Like what is this, like a news headline?

PAZ: Tigerclaw wrote this quiz.

JULIAN: It's important to show both sides.

PAZ: Snopes.com article. Number six. What are Firepaw and Graypaw's warrior names? A. Aw, there's some good ones here.

ALIX: A, Bananaear and Susanclaw.

PAZ: Firestorm and Graycloud.

ALIX: Ooh.

PAZ: Fireleaf and Graystream, Firedusk and Graycreek, Fireheart and Graystripe, or Firefur and Graytail.

ALIX: Wow. I'm going to say Fireheart and Graystripe but these are all have really powerful energy.

JULIAN: I'm really partial to Firedusk and Graycreek. They have like really chaotic energy.

PAZ: Yeah, Graycreek is hard to pronounce. I just want to say gay. Gaycreek.

ALIX: Gaycreek.

PAZ: Cause with the two R's in there, it's too much.

ALIX: Yeah. It is Gay Creek.

PAZ: Well, Alix, you got six out of six. Well done.

LIZ: Wow.

ALIX: Wow.

PAZ: You can count yourself among the true masters of all things warriors.

ALIX: Wow.

LIZ: If you get a six out of six, I think you just become the new podcast host. Sorry, guys.

ALIX: Yeah, welcome to my podcast, Stairway to Starclan. I have three guests this week.

PAZ: Oh shit.

LIZ: It's an honor to be here.

JULIAN: Alix has pulled a Tigerclaw.

LIZ: That's why. They're a real fan.

ALIX: I'm so glad all my studying paid off. I'm still laughing at that centrist question. I wonder how well I could have answered these questions before I reread the book recently. I feel like I might have gotten tripped up on the prophecy one.

PAZ: Yeah. The official website is so hard because you can't just sort by, like quizzes or anything. Maybe you can. It's tagged quiz, but I don't know how to see tags. I don't know. The website is a mess. It loads like, so slow also.

JULIAN: It's very slick looking. But I feel like they put a lot of effort into the design and not a lot of effort into like, the back end.

LIZ: No.

PAZ: Yeah.

ALIX: Too bad.

PAZ: It's too powerful, too, and not, like--

LIZ: Done?

PAZ: I forgot the gamer term I was gonna-- well-optimized. Yeah, so now that we all know we know Into the Wild very well and by heart, yeah, like, in retrospect, like, what do we want to say about it and like, what-- I don't know, like, what new things did we learn? Like, I guess to the returning fans.

ALIX: I thought I was-- I had this idea in my head that training took like, he started at six moons, and it takes exactly six moons, but I forgot that it's just like, whenever Bluestar decides you're done.

PAZ: Yeah, it is like that.

JULIAN: Yeah, I also remembered training being a lot longer, I think because like, when I was doing roleplay, training was such a big part of it. And it was such like a structured-- because you had to get like a certain number of posts to become a warrior. So there was a lot of just like, Oh, I'm gonna write my training posts. I hope my friend who's already a warrior will pretend to teach me to hunt.

PAZ: I feel like maybe some of the later books spend longer on the training. I feel like there's a lot of like, timeskips off screen during this. Because it was at least a couple of months.

ALIX: I think you guys are saying like, they originally planned this to be one book.

PAZ: Yeah.

ALIX: And you can definitely tell that they were, you know, they're kind of trying to sort of usher Fireheart through the whole, like, warriors process fairly quickly, even if it's six books instead of one.

PAZ: Yeah, cause I don't know, maybe I might be misremembering, but I feel like in the Power of Three, they're apprentices for, like, at least more than one book because they, I mean, they start out as kits.

JULIAN: Yeah, I definitely thought that Fireheart didn't become a warrior until book two. So realizing that he's like a warrior at the end of book one was a surprise to me.

PAZ: Yeah, he feels so small.

JULIAN: He's just a little guy.

ALIX: And justice for Sandpaw and Dustpaw.

PAZ: Oh, my God. I know.

ALIX: Like, sure, they're kind of bullies. But like, that doesn't mean you get to like fail them out of high school.

PAZ: They're super seniors now. You know, yeah. Honestly, though, it seems like a lot of clans it's just like, whatever the leader wants is how the rules work, apparently.

ALIX: Yeah, damn.

PAZ: I don't-- no, the leaders don't get elected either. It's just like, whoever fucking was deputy.

ALIX: Yeah. They get elected by the former leader through nepotism.

PAZ: Through nepotism. Yeah, the society. It's unreal.

JULIAN: Feral cats, I have concerns about your societal structure. I think you should get a parliament going.

ALIX: Truly.

LIZ: And the nepotism that we're presented with is better than the straight up just like monarchy in ShadowClan, right? The options you have here. They're so-- they're grim.

PAZ: Well, I hope ShadowClan gets over that monarchy thing. Get well soon. But I guess what I got out of this book is I like Firepaw more than I did as a kid when I thought he was too boring and didn't continue reading. I think he's endearing as like a dumb little little guy. You know, I have appreciation for like, like, loves their friend shonen protag archetype now.

ALIX: Yeah.

JULIAN: I feel like I came to these books off of Redwall as a kid. And so I was so-- Redwall is full of like, really, really stupid protagonists. So I was primed to appreciate like a little himbo who loves his friends and wants to do what's right and good. Yeah, but I love him. I was worried I wouldn't like him as much the second time around, and I do. He's a sweet little boy.

PAZ: Yeah, yeah, I'm excited to see how reading the first series in which he is the protagonist will color my rereadings of the later books, because when I was reading the series for the first time, he was just like another NPC essentially. And like I vaguely knew, like, what was up with his story, but I think I'll be more emotionally attached to some of the scenes he gets in like later books now.

ALIX: I do think like this, this book reminded me like how extremely appealing they make the whole Warriors way of life. Like it really is something you want to fantasize about being, even though they're like a bunch of like stinky cats in the woods. I still, like as a 23 year old, I'm like, damn, I wish I could get out there and sleep in a bush and walk on a log. You know?

PAZ: Yeah. I remember loving the descriptions of the camp in the later books so much. And it's like yes, I do want to sleep in like a little cave with moss. I do.

ALIX: Every time me and my sister would go camping or something or just, you know, go to some area that had like, that was natural, we would always try to find a cat camp and be like, Okay, this is like where the leader would make announcements. This is where the medicine cat would sleep.

JULIAN: Aw.

LIZ: Aw.

ALIX: It was a very fun activity that I recommend anytime you're in the woods.

LIZ: All right, make a note everybody.

JULIAN: Next time I go on one of my silly little walks.

LIZ: We're gonna get to a Patreon tier, and it's called going to camp in the woods and be cats.

PAZ: We're gonna LARP for money?

LIZ: Yes.

ALIX: #makeCrabClanReal.

PAZ: Okay.

ALIX: I'll pay for it. Listen, I'll sign up.

LIZ: We will set up our own society.

ALIX: And just live there?

LIZ: Yeah.

ALIX: Great.

PAZ: I think we're just reinventing like utopian communes of the 70s.

JULIAN: I was gonna say, yeah.

ALIX: But were they based off a middle grade book? I don't think so.

JULIAN: Patreon tier, Staircast invents a cult.

PAZ: Oh no.

LIZ: Oh god.

ALIX: Liz, I'm so like, curious if there was anything that you thought was going to happen in this book that didn't?

LIZ: I thought that they were going to get Tigerclaw like instantly at the end, and that would be it.

ALIX: Right.

LIZ: They did not. Understandably. I just felt like they would. But um yeah, I know that he's like, going to be around for a while, just given like--

PAZ: Yeah, sorry.

LIZ: --name changes that I've seen.

PAZ: I haven't censored his, uh, yeah. Look away. Cover your ears.

LIZ: Alright, closing my eyes. Someone has to stop the Audacity file for me. Um, yeah, I don't know. I went into this just knowing nothing, except that there would be little guys and I liked it a lot. And yeah, I was-- saying I was surprised that it was so engagingly written sounds condescending. But like, I just didn't expect to be so invested. And it is like, storywise very, like solidly crafted. There's some good plot beats. Course I love the characters because they are just little guys. I do want to just take a nap in some moss even though it's probably real stinky.

ALIX: Here's my question. When do you think they are going to get Tigerclaw? Like in what book out of six? Or like, you know, I don't know, if perhaps he continues on past the first series?

LIZ: I don't know. The way you phrase that made me real suspicious. At the end of the next series?

ALIX: Whoa.

PAZ: Oh.

JULIAN: Ooh.

ALIX: Interesting.

JULIAN: Some real longevity on this guy.

LIZ: Well, I'm putting a real slow, slow game here. Like a slow bet. None of these terms are real, I think. I'm getting safer with the predictions because just right away did not work.

ALIX: Yeah, I mean, that's a good point. Like he could have, really easily been like, villain of the week.

PAZ: Yeah, he could have. Yeah, that's kind of what-- well I guess Brokenstar wasn't really onscreen that much. But he had more of a villain of the week vibe. But I don't know. He's still out there somewhere. The ShadowClan stuff is very off screen, which is kinda funny.

JULIAN: Yeah, I liked it. But I kind of wish there had been more focus on it. I know it's hard to kind of keep two antagonists going.

PAZ: Mm-hmm.

JULIAN: But it felt like it was very, like it was all at the end there.

PAZ: Yeah. I guess I tried to, like, weave it in through Yellowfang. Which was like an interesting choice. It wasn't totally out of the blue, but definitely like it felt like-- you'd like expected it to like-- the climax to like center on Tigerclaw. And then it swerved and it was like actually, ShadowClan's like, fucked up monarchy situation.

ALIX: It's-- okay. I can't say this because of spoilers, but I'm mad about it.

LIZ: Hold on. I'll close my ears. And then you can say it.

PAZ: No.

ALIX: I will not say it. I will say it in our Warrior Cats spoiler chat later.

LIZ: I'll get in there someday.

JULIAN: You will.

PAZ: I think we can let you in there once we finish the Power of Three because that's up to where all of us read.

JULIAN: There's not really-- like, if there's spoilers for later books, it's not because we read them.

PAZ: I've been spoiling myself for later books. I don't care. Just clicking around.

LIZ: Reckless.

PAZ: I mean, I guess a pleasant surprise for me was finding out there's gay cats, canonically.

JULIAN: Yeah, that was really nice.

PAZ: I didn't know that.

LIZ: Yeah.

PAZ: I mean, even if it's kind of like, wink wink, nudge nudge because the publisher won't let it be explicitly said, I guess, from what I've read, but it made me very happy.

ALIX: Yeah. I think this book has really surprisingly complex characters in at least like Yellowfang and Ravenpaw.

PAZ: Yeah, they're definitely my two favorite characters of this book.

ALIX: The gay ones.

PAZ: Yeah. Love Barley, too. Of course.

LIZ: I did quickly google, are there gay owls in Gahoole, and the answer seems to be no. So Warrior Cats, you've got one thing. You've got several things over that right now.

ALIX: I mean, the cats aren't blacksmiths, which is a disappointment, but I guess, you know, if you're gay don't have time to be blacksmiths.

LIZ: You don't need a blacksmith if you're gay.

PAZ: No, you don't. It's just vibes.

ALIX: Just vibe.

PAZ: I'm excited to get to the other gay character so we can talk about him also.

ALIX: Oh, yes. We need lesbian cats.

PAZ: Yeah. That seems to be lacking. I hope they get on that.

JULIAN: Some wlw representation please.

PAZ: Please. I am excited for the New Prophecy where like the Leafpool and Moth... Wait, who is it? God.

ALIX: Mothwing?

PAZ: Mothwing, Yeah, I know lots of people shipped them, and I think as a child I didn't--

ALIX: You got the vibe?

PAZ: --notice anything so. I want those vibes on that reread.

ALIX: Yeah. Another interesting thing I think is that, um, I think it becomes very explicit later that StarClan is real and tangible. But like, I was surprised that in this book, like, I mean, there's like the whole like, Moonstone prophecy thing, but like StarClan seems much less like, there, if that makes sense.

PAZ: Yeah, like, as Julian noted in the first episode, I feel like it gets more magical, like with each passing series.

JULIAN: Yeah. My memory of like, the first episode, or the first series is very much like StarClan is there but like, as a religious force, and not as like an actual entity with power in the world.

PAZ: Yeah, yeah. I mean, even in this book, it can be kind of ambiguous because like, with, like the Bluestar nine lives things, it could reasonably be read like she just got injured really bad.

ALIX: She's just cool and strong.

PAZ: But yeah, StarClan gets real involved later.

JULIAN: Her nine girlboss lives.

ALIX: All girlbosses have nine lives.

LIZ: The StarClan thing is surprising to hear about as to what happens later on because, like, for me going in, it seems to be just like placement as religion I guess. It's like the system of spirituality for me. That's the impression that I got from this book. So seeing that it's-- I'm assuming like, actual StarClan cats are gonna show up. That's like, very interesting.

ALIX: I mean, even I haven't kind of gotten to where it becomes way more of a plot point, I think.

PAZ: From what I've read of spoilers of the later seasons, it really just escalates. Which is very funny. But I guess they also like, built in a system in which to have characters come back, if you just have this like dead cat group hanging around.

ALIX: Like Spottedleaf, who dies so fast.

PAZ: Oh, my god, that was another thing.

LIZ: I mean, it was very sudden. I also didn't expect that.

ALIX: People kinda die left and right in this book.

PAZ: Yeah, that's so true.

JULIAN: Yeah, that's one thing I didn't remember is like, I remembered them being like, very, you know, battle-focused and whatever. But I did not remember how easily characters die, and how many characters die, and like how violent they are. Which I think is partly like, as a kid you don't really conceive of violence as like a real thing as much. And then, like, you're reading about these cats, like tearing each other's throats out as an adult. It's like, Oh, geez.

PAZ: Yeah, and this book was not even, like, nowhere near that levels of violence that show up later.

JULIAN: Oh, yeah. No.

ALIX: But they just like introduce and kill characters so fast and this and I feel like that doesn't really continue.

PAZ: Yeah, that might be like a byproduct of them thinking this would be the only series or even like, initially one book. Cause I think even after this expanded into a series, they thought it'd just be like one standalone series. They didn't think it would keep going. So they're probably like, way less precious with characters.

ALIX: Goodbye, Lionheart. Goodbye, Spottedleaf.

JULIAN: Pour one out.

ALIX: Do we feel-- I forget if you guys talked about like whether or not Spottedleaf is like fridged wife trope.

PAZ: No, we didn't. Partially because like in this book, it really doesn't-- I mean, it doesn't feel like a romance. And I don't think it should. It feels very much like baby's first crush on like older person who is not getting involved in any way.

ALIX: Gives him herbs.

PAZ: Gives him herbs. Yeah, classic trope.

LIZ: Yeah, it feels like, when she actually dies, it's like a kind of a growing up moment, almost like, oh, something got real. And this person who I just had like a regular crush on, got caught in the crossfire. Not that cats have guns.

ALIX: God, I hope not.

PAZ: It doesn't linger on it very long. Although from what I know of Fire and Ice, I think it revisits that plot point. But yeah, in this book, it felt very like unimportant, in a way.

ALIX: He doesn't spend a lot of time going, oh no, but if Spottedleaf had lived, then we would have been mates. He's just like, this is sad.

PAZ: No, yeah. Which is fine. Because she was definitely like, presented as an older figure. I don't know.

JULIAN: Yeah. I think we get more into, like, how he feels about that in the later books, where he does some processing. He also hasn't had any time to really have any feelings. Not that I think of him as like a real emotional cat. But, you know, it's been-- he's had a busy couple days.

ALIX: He hasn't had time to tell Bluestar.

LIZ: Oh no.

PAZ: I was gonna say, there's not much like internal self reflection, or like thoughts in this book. And yeah, there's no thoughts going on in that head at all. Also, just like, I don't need to tell Bluestar.

ALIX: He is no thoughts head empty.

PAZ: I mean, that's like one of the ways you can like-- if you've read other books, you can kind of like feel how this is like the first book because I do feel like, in some way the characters have less like, complex inner lives, in a way where like, personal drama and angst becomes very central in later books.

ALIX: Yeah, if this were a later cat, I feel like he would be way sadder than he is at any point in this book.

PAZ: Yeah. For sure.

ALIX: He's just happy to be here.

JULIAN: He's just vibing.

PAZ: He really loves being a little wildcat. He loves that he kept his balls.

JULIAN: Okay, yeah, no, that's the main thing that I don't remember from when I was a child.

PAZ: Oh god, yeah.

JULIAN: Revisiting these is like, Oh, yeah, okay, there's a lot of focus on whether cats are intact or not.

ALIX: You said intact like as if they were a virgin.

JULIAN: That's what they call it with like horses. Where it's like--

LIZ: Do they? Oh my god.

JULIAN: Yeah, where it's like an intact stallion.

LIZ: Oh my god.

PAZ: Ugh, that's weird.

JULIAN: I know, it's really awful.

ALIX: I never was into horses. So.

PAZ: I was, but not-- I didn't care about that stuff.

LIZ: I also was, but I didn't know anything about them, and I kept not knowing anything about them the whole time I was interested in them. I read Black Beauty and like, the book said that he was like a gelding and I was like, what's that? I'm not gonna pay attention.

ALIX: I read a lot of different horse books.

LIZ: Must be a different horse.

ALIX: And they'd be like, oh, this is a gelding. And I'm like, is that a type of horse? Cool. Smiley face. Let's move on.

JULIAN: I had a lot of friends who actually rode and like, either owned horses or like, lived on working farms.

PAZ: Yeah, my aunt owned horses, but I don't know. I wasn't that involved. She didn't like teach me horse facts or anything. I just got to ride on a horse sometimes.

LIZ: We really are just like, wow, cool horse.

PAZ: Yeah, the ball focus is so funny. And it really truly is the basis of the entire series.

ALIX: Yeah. I cannot wait for you guys to get to a specific point in the next book which relates to this.

PAZ: Oh boy.

JULIAN: I feel like the reproductive politics of these books are very interesting. And I'm like--

ALIX: They are.

JULIAN: --interested or like, excited to like, talk more about their whole situation.

PAZ: Yeah. Yeah, there's a lot of points that I am, like, I guess excited or, like, look forward to talking more about or like, like, being able to do that. Also like ableism in Warrior Cats is a topic I know I want to be able to address later like, once that comes up, cause that's a big issue. But also like--

ALIX: Good news. Comes up very fast.

PAZ: Whoo. Oh boy.

JULIAN: Yay.

PAZ: But yeah, also just like to continue to look into the, like, gender, family, reproductive politics going on here.

ALIX: At least it isn't fully like a you got to be married with kids type thing. I feel like it's more than anything emphasizing letting people make their own choices.

PAZ: Yeah, for sure.

JULIAN: Yeah. Like, there are a lot of like, female cats who are like, medicine cat or warriors or whatever.

PAZ: Yeah. It is very funny though, that one of your roles in society is just pregnant.

ALIX: I was thinking about this. I was like, I know that there's some queens who just like stay in the nursery to help out the other queens, even if they don't have kits at the time. And I was like, do they let male cats do that? Because I feel like they should.

PAZ: They should. I mean, I guess in that way, there is an aspect of communal parenting, like it's not as focused on nuclear families, which is nice to see.

JULIAN: Everybody cares for the kits.

ALIX: Yeah, it's really not at all, because like, I think they retconned a lot of people into being siblings and related. But I think the whole point of the first book is like, you know, find your chosen family. And people care a lot more about their mentors than their parents.

JULIAN: Yeah, like people's parents-- at least in the first book-- kind of don't matter.

PAZ: Yeah, they're non-existent.

ALIX: It's also the like, middle grade thing of like, we want to make young characters but then just get parents out of the way so they're an orphan or they're a cat. The two genders, orphan or cat.

LIZ: Oh since we like mentioned medicine cats as a status? Role? Whatever, just now. I want to say like, I wasn't surprised that there was only one because that tends to be a thing, but I think that they should have more than one doctor for their whole society. Seems like a-- they're taking some risks here.

PAZ: Yeah, as a kid I did not question that. I never had one thought of like why aren't there more doctors?

ALIX: I feel like there should be like five, right?

PAZ: Yeah.

LIZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: Yeah. Like your whole society is based around fighting other cats.

ALIX: Mm-hmm.

JULIAN: You need to have more healers.

PAZ: So weird.

JULIAN: Your party's wildly unbalanced.

LIZ: Everyone is DPS but Spottedleaf.

JULIAN: Oh, yeah, I didn't think about that till you brought it up, Liz. But that is an important point. It's also like the medicine cats are like both doctors and like spiritual leaders. Um, which is like, you know, not that uncommon, I think.

PAZ: Yeah, I think I saw an interview or something somewhere where they mentioned medicine women and like, that, like that kind of trope tying into like medicine cats. Yeah, but you can see that I guess. I mean, as like with the problems with that trope and stuff, but yeah.

ALIX: But there still should be like five.

PAZ: There still should be, yes.

LIZ: Did Spottedleaf even have an apprentice?

PAZ: No.

ALIX: No.

LIZ: Cause she was kind of young, right? So like hey, your society already has a problem with dying young, so I don't know. I think some more thought should go into this.

PAZ: I don't know what they were planning to do if Yellowfang hadn't happened to be there.

ALIX: I feel like-- yeah. No, this is from fanfiction. But maybe it comes up later, but like I was reading a fic where again, like the medicine cat dies and there's no apprentice, and like, they just like wait for like a sign from StarClan as to like which warrior now becomes the medicine cat.

LIZ: Oh my god.

PAZ: But I feel like you would miss out on so many... like so much knowledge. What are you going to do, go ask another medicine cat like, which herb does what? Just rely on dreams? What's going on?

LIZ: Well, can you imagine sharing vital medical knowledge from other cats with other cats?

JULIAN: Well, and they can't write anything down. It's all oral tradition. So like, if you don't have that continuity of oral tradition, everything is lost.

LIZ: God.

PAZ: Right?

ALIX: I guess they don't lose anything because they're around forever in heaven. But also, do you just get trained at night by a dead medicine cat in your dreams?

PAZ: Oh god.

LIZ: You get like a dream DM and it's just like, the ghost of Spottedleaf being like, Hey, wake up.

JULIAN: You up?

ALIX: I'm just thinking of that one meme where somebody is spraying somebody with fire to wake them up. Hey, wake up. Fire will save the clan.

JULIAN: I feel like, you know, even if you can have your ghost mentor, there's some stuff it's helpful to have a hands on demonstration of, or pawson.

ALIX: Yeah. How do you know the technique for fucking biting tit. Ticks.

[laughter]

JULIAN: Yeah?

ALIX: But also, wait, hold on. Like why if they all remember everything, have they not made great strides in medical advancement?

PAZ: I don't know.

JULIAN: Because they don't have opposable thumbs.

PAZ: Yeah, that limits them in a lot of ways.

ALIX: I guess.

LIZ: They technically know everything, but their memory is really bad because they're cats. So it's all there.

ALIX: Right?

LIZ: But it's passive.

JULIAN: Okay, real question. Why hasn't StarClan told Bluestar to stay the fuck away from Tigerclaw?

PAZ: Right? StarClan has a problem being--

LIZ: They're really bored. They're just like, oh no, I want to see this play out.

PAZ: Yeah, what else do they have to do?

ALIX: They gotta watch the drama.

JULIAN: There's some sort of StarClan Prime Directive, where they can't interfere too much.

PAZ: There probably is. I don't know.

ALIX: Also, it's not clear how much of the future they actually know.

JULIAN: I mean, not even the future, just the present.

ALIX: I don't think they can read Tigerclaw's mind.

JULIAN: But they can see he killed Redtail.

PAZ: StarClan says I pretend I do not see it.

LIZ: No, there's someone in StarClan just being like, you know, I never liked Redtail.

PAZ: Meanwhile, Redtail's right there.

ALIX: Yeah, why doesn't Redtail's ghost show up and solve his murder? Hold on.

PAZ: Right? Oh my god.

JULIAN: The real Hamlet.

ALIX: Yeah!

PAZ: Yeah, Redtail should have been like, I don't know, haunting Ravenpaw and I don't know. That'd be a cool different book.

ALIX: There has to be a whole reason why they can't just say things because otherwise there would just never be any mysteries.

PAZ: Yeah, that probably gets addressed later, I assume.

ALIX: Redtail showing up like, hey, uh.

PAZ: Alix, I'm just thinking of that fic you linked where Redtail and Tigerclaw were exes.

LIZ: [gasps] Oh my god. Oh it makes sense.

ALIX: I wanted to bring this up because it was such a fucking powerful concept to me.

PAZ: I know, I love it.

LIZ: Oh my god.

JULIAN: I love some murder exes.

PAZ: Right?

ALIX: Because it was basically being used as cover for him. Like he was like-- you know, even if you report the murder that I do, they won't think it's because I want power. They'll think it's because I'm jealous.

LIZ: Oh my god.

ALIX: He's like trying to come up with like fuckin like different like defenses in Warriors court.

LIZ: They should have Warriors court. They should have other professions.

ALIX: Where's the lawyer cats?

LIZ: Of course Tigerclaw would be gay and homophobic.

ALIX: I think that's exactly what Paz said.

PAZ: Yeah, I think I did. But yeah, that's his vibe. He also like goes to the gym a lot.

LIZ: No.

JULIAN: God, he's a fucking gym rat.

PAZ: He is.

ALIX: Oh my god. Tigerclaw's Grindr.

JULIAN: He posts his like abs down picture on Grindr and is like stealth.

ALIX: I liked that fic though because it was just like everybody was like, You didn't know that? It wasn't like a torrid secret. It was just like Tigerclaw is bi and has a fraught ex, and I'm like, honestly, this is great.

JULIAN: Firepaw walks into this incredible queer drama just like, (high-pitched) what's up?

LIZ: What's going on?

ALIX: Oh, you didn't know?

JULIAN: Out here in the forest cats are gay.

ALIX: That fic is just so galaxy brained.

PAZ: Yeah, that was a humongous take.

LIZ: Imagine Graypaw expositing all of this in like his usual fashion, but it's just everyone's list of previous breakups.

JULIAN: Okay, so Whitestorm and Lionheart have some beef because they used to date until...

PAZ: God.

ALIX: This is incredible.

JULIAN: And like they're mostly fine, but they shouldn't like sit next to each other.

LIZ: Firepaw voice, what's dating?

ALIX: I'm six months old.

LIZ: I didn't know what hunting was called.

PAZ: Oh, boy.

LIZ: I just got here. I love the dirt. Hi, I'm Firepaw.

PAZ: Wow, what an accurate impression.

JULIAN: I'm sure this has been written where-- because I've seen a lot of like AUs on AO3 where they're all human. Um, and I'm sure that someone has written-- or I hope that someone has written the AU where the clans are just like different queer student groups on campus, and Firepaw is like the baby freshman who's just discovered like queerness as a concept.

PAZ: People definitely write high school AUs and I'm too scared to click to find out if they're still cats or humans.

LIZ: I hope they're just cats but they go to cat school and they take cat studies, like meowthematics, and... That's the only one I have.

PAZ: Oh perfect.

ALIX: I hope it's like the My Little Pony movie where there's an alternate universe where they're all humans, but then sometimes they can Magical Girl turn into ponies.

PAZ: Oh my god.

JULIAN: That's so good.

LIZ: I'm just picturing that going like Animorphs, like the covers. Human boy to little guy.

JULIAN: Shoop.

ALIX: I keep realizing I'm imagining like human Fireheart as KJ Apa from Riverdale.

PAZ: Is that the main guy? I don't--

ALIX: Yeah, it's Archie.

JULIAN: It's just the guy who plays Archie.

ALIX: I'm just like who's like a redhead and plays a himbo?

PAZ: A dumb jock.

ALIX: Although Archie's not nice enough to be a himbo. Anyways.

LIZ: You know, these cats are British. Do you think if we go back far enough in like the Wayback Machine, we're gonna see like, here's my fancast for human Firepaw. It's Rupert Grint.

ALIX: Yes. Yes.

PAZ: Absolutely.

JULIAN: Honestly, it's probably somewhere on Tumblr, like if I do some digging. I'll report back.

PAZ: You probably wouldn't even have to look that hard.

ALIX: That fully exists.

LIZ: Here's my fancast for older Firepaw, so I guess Fireheart, and it's Ed Sheeran.

PAZ: [groaning]

LIZ: [laughter]

JULIAN: Noooo.

LIZ: I couldn't think of that many red-headed dudes. And that was the only one I got.

PAZ: Oh, I'm picturing Ed Sheeran in my head right now. It's so scary. I don't want to.

LIZ: It's a scary image.

ALIX: Oh my god.

JULIAN: Do we want to, as a palate cleanser, move on to the questions?

PAZ: Yes, sure. So, you know, end of book wrap up, I figured we could also do some more questions, and we have gotten some. So we're gonna dive into those. And let's do the first one.

JULIAN: Um, I can read it out. It's less of a question and more of a--

PAZ: Yeah, anecdote.

JULIAN: --reminiscence, which I also love. "Hello Staircast, when I was an elementary schooler in 2009, there was a big community of Warrior Cats roleplayers on MIT Scratch for some reason, despite it being a platform for a block-based programming language designed to teach intro computer science, like people would roleplay in the comments. Anyway, I have brought these vintage cat OCS I submitted to coloring contests." We have Rainkit, "a small hyper kit who likes to run around and jump on things. She wants to be the best hunter ever." Rainkit is a gray kit with a little blue heart mark around one of her eyes. And she's saying hi.

PAZ: Beautiful-- it looks like a photo of the Grand Canyon?

JULIAN: I think it's the Grand Canyon.

LIZ: Oh my god.

PAZ: In the background. I love that setting.

ALIX: Cat is not wearing pants.

PAZ: No.

JULIAN: No. And then the other submission is Chaosfox. Oh, it's--

PAZ: Oh wait, music. Oh my god. It's so loud. How do I make it stop?

ALIX: I had to mute the site.

PAZ: Oh my god.

ALIX: This is so powerful.

JULIAN: "Chaosfox lives alone in a secluded area of the forest. She used to belong to a clan known as BoneClan but was turned out when it was discovered she had killed another cat. It was an accident."

LIZ: Oh my god.

JULIAN: "But she was framed by her brother Longclaw. She avoids other cats and will likely attack you if you come near her. She's very thin because prey is scarce where she lives. She'd never reveal it, but she is lonely."

PAZ: Wow.

LIZ: Oh my god.

ALIX: Oh my god.

PAZ: What is this song?

LIZ: I don't know. I'm afraid to turn it back on. It's very loud.

ALIX: It's so loud.

JULIAN: And then when you click on the little play to get this animation going, Chaosfox is like rainbow, like has little shards of rainbow color that make up her body. It's really good. It's really incredible.

LIZ: It's animated.

PAZ: I feel like I can see her bone tail, like?

ALIX: Oh, yeah. It's powerful.

JULIAN: Oh, yeah.

LIZ: The colors are oscillating. It's very beautiful. I have so much respect for this artist.

ALIX: I feel like-- like the audacity of BoneClan for kicking someone out for doing murder.

PAZ: Right?

ALIX: You're called BoneClan.

JULIAN: Oh, thank you for sending that in, Ruby.

PAZ: Thank you. These are beautiful. If you remember what this song is called, I guess, @ us.

LIZ: Yeah, we'd love to know and then we'd love to just make that our new theme song forever. Same volume.

JULIAN: No slow ramp.

PAZ: Okay, I have to close that tab.

ALIX: That's incredible. I love that so much.

PAZ: And that was from Ruby. Thank you, Ruby.

LIZ: Thank you so much.

ALIX: I can read one if you want.

PAZ: Okay.

ALIX: "Dear esteemed cat scholars, in the last episode, you mentioned how cats should broaden their horizons and establish more roles and jobs for cats and their societies. My question is, could, should, and would cats unionize?" And that's from Maayan.

JULIAN: Oh my god.

PAZ: I think they should unionize.

ALIX: They should.

JULIAN: Right, everyone should unionize.

PAZ: I don't know if they would.

ALIX: Maybe.

JULIAN: They seem to be very attached to a hierarchical structure right now. So I think they would need to do some like-- you'd have to do some real consciousness building.

PAZ: Some workshops.

JULIAN: Among the cats to like encourage them to think as a group. They do think about the wellbeing of the clan, but like, you would have to frame it so that they could see that, like, when warriors have better working conditions, everyone benefits.

ALIX: I mean, to be fair, leaders aren't like bosses because they actually do like hunt and fight. Like they do work. So it's not 100% like they're exploiting the labor of the other cats. But I still think collective bargaining would be good for them.

PAZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: I think the apprentices should unionize.

ALIX: Yeah, yes, yes, yes, their labor is exploited, I would say.

PAZ: For sure.

LIZ: They should unionize so they get like, you know, some safety protocols, like not being sent to snake hell while you're an intern by your evil mentor.

JULIAN: Yeah, I think they should unionize and fight for a better mentor selection.

LIZ: Yeah.

ALIX: Literally.

PAZ: Have some say in that process.

LIZ: There should be a review board, right? Like some sort of approval process.

ALIX: Like any accountability.

LIZ: Uh-huh.

PAZ: Ratemymentor.com. Tigerclaw has an F.

JULIAN: But he does have a chili pepper.

ALIX: According to Redtail, at least.

PAZ: Oh my god.

LIZ: What's Ravenpaw's review? Just like, 0/10, tried to kill me.

ALIX: I got stabbed here.

PAZ: Would not come back.

ALIX: Good sandwiches, would come back.

LIZ: Also, just lectures. Does not teach.

PAZ: Well, I guess that's our answer. They should unionize--

ALIX: But they won't.

PAZ: The apprentices especially, but they won't. Who wants to read this next one?

LIZ: I'll read it. This is from-- I don't know who it's from.

PAZ: Oh, whoops.

LIZ: There's no-- is it signed?

PAZ: Let me go look in the email.

ALIX: This is a dream from StarClan.

JULIAN: It's from Nat.

LIZ: Okay. So this question's from Nat. The header is The Proboards Experience. "Hi Staircast cast, loving the show. I know it's been mentioned, so I'm sure you would have got around to answering this question from me eventually. But do y'all remember the Proboards RP golden age? I cannot count the amount of Proboards I created or joined, many of them for Warriors. And most of them seeing participation for an average of four weeks, after which they died forever."

PAZ: Yep.

LIZ: "I'd love to hear if any of you were part of the scene. And if you have any strong emotion--" sorry-- "any strong memories. Here's the only one I remember. At some point, I knew the creator of it. Now I don't have any recollection of how." And there's a link to the Proboards. "Look at all the work that went into the architecture of this thing, only for a small group of internet kids to never use it due to moderating and advertising being hard." Aww. "I've also attached some fantastic 2009 fanart of it, which I found recently and unlocked my memory of that particular forum. Thanks again for letting me re-experience these books in your podcast." And attached is just a stunning, beautiful piece of art that I wish I could blow it up on the screen and show everybody.

PAZ: Yes, so it has the name of the forums on it, which is Moonlight Dreams. And "Dreams" is in beautiful rainbow font, very atmospheric. And it looks like there's five cats in a cave around Moonpool, maybe? I don't know. Yeah, three of them look very astonished. One of them looks really angry. There's a story going on here.

LIZ: There's a little kind of orangey brown cat on the far right with one black paw, and I think that's just-- mwah. That's adorable.

PAZ: That's character design, baby.

ALIX: Oh my gosh.

JULIAN: I mean, like I obviously have a lot of memories of the Proboards Golden Age. Um, my best friend in elementary school's older sister set up a forum for us to RP, starclan13.proboards.com. And it was a weird mix of like our friends, and then the older sister's group of friends, who were about three years older, and then at some point I got my little brother, who at the time was like six, and all his friends into it. So we ended up, because obviously at the time you needed to be 13 to create an account anywhere that you could post, because of child safety laws. And my parents knew about this law. And so I was like, well no, it's different. Proboards is different somehow. I managed to convince them that it was okay for us all to be doing that. And it was because we knew almost everyone who was on the board.

But I spent-- I had 45 minutes on the computer per day and I spent every one of those 45 minutes RPing as my OC Pinestripe. I didn't realize that like most Proboards apparently weren't very active because ours was incredibly active, maybe because we all knew each other in real life and could yell at each other to get online. But like now that I'm looking-- I like pulled it up, and I'm looking at it, and there's a total of 45,000 posts on this website.

PAZ: Jeez.

LIZ: Oh my god.

ALIX: Oh my god.

JULIAN: Yeah, part of this is after we stopped or I stopped RPing as actively, there was kind of a second wave in like 2010 of people that we did not know in real life, who I guess found the site. We had done some like cross advertising on different RP forums. And I guess they found it via that and kind of took over and were super active. So I was not around for all 45,000 of those posts.

PAZ: That's wild.

JULIAN: But it was very active. We had a total of like 300 members total.

PAZ: Wow.

JULIAN: Of like very elaborate plot.

LIZ: Amazing.

PAZ: Yeah, just for comparison, the Proboards that our listener linked has a total post count of 125.

LIZ: Aw.

ALIX: There's also-- 50 of these posts are in the Advertising Other Sites.

JULIAN: Yeah.

LIZ: Oh no.

PAZ: Yeah, I was definitely on Proboards, but not for Warriors Cats ever, I don't think. That was mostly confined to Neopets for me. I think-- so I was in a guild on Neopets that did Invader Zim role play. And we eventually moved to Proboards.

ALIX: Incredible.

PAZ: So that's what I was roleplaying on Proboards.

LIZ: I didn't know that about you, not the Invader Zim part.

PAZ: I don't like to talk about it.

LIZ: Cause you--

ALIX: Yeah, I never-- oh sorry, go ahead.

LIZ: Oh, no, you go first. I'll wait for after because it's very important.

ALIX: I was just gonna say I was never on Proboards. I RPed Warrior Cats on Gaia Online.

LIZ: Yes.

JULIAN: I knew a lot of people who did Maximum Ride there. But yeah, I don't know. It was um, I was like a site admin for a while, which was really neat, because I got to learn how to do some HTML and CSS.

PAZ: Hell yeah.

JULIAN: You know, I moved from doing my Neopets shop to-- unfortunately, you can't see the site as it used to look because a lot of the-- we used to have like a really big top banner, and, like special graphics for everything, and custom emoticons. And a lot of those were all hosted on Photobucket.

[chorus of aws]

JULIAN: Along with almost everyone's RP signatures, so unfortunately, many of those are gone.

PAZ: Tragic.

ALIX: Wow.

LIZ: Lost history. Like that genuinely makes me sad.

JULIAN: I am gonna see if the Wayback Machine ever archived this.

PAZ: Yeah, that'd be good.

LIZ: It was a pretty big one, it might have. Yeah, I guess I never like did any Proboard stuff, and I stopped using Neopets after my friend at the time tried to teach me how to bank on it. I was like, well, I can't do this. Yeah, so it's interesting to hear like, everyone's different, like, experiences with it, because I just like-- it just passed me by.

I do want to look at the Proboards that was linked in the question because there's some interesting little descriptions here for like-- there's a folder called Calm River. And it says, "this is a small part of the river that is very calm. It is good for catching fish and wonderful for swimming if you have some free time. On the sandy banks is where warriors like teaching their apprentices battle moves." And it's all very sweet.

ALIX: Yeah, it's so empty though.

JULIAN: Oh, great news. It is on the Wayback Machine.

PAZ: Oh perfect.

LIZ: Yay.

JULIAN: And you can see many of the images, although not the big header.

PAZ: Perfect.

LIZ: There's gotta be someone with that saved on like some external hard drive.

JULIAN: Our affiliate link is like a little cat running across the-- there's a lot of gifs.

LIZ: Wow.

JULIAN: It is all in Papyrus font.

LIZ: Of course.

JULIAN: Great news for everyone.

LIZ: Listen, Papyrus is where it was at. I definitely used it for just like school reports, as a middle schooler, because who's gonna stop you?

ALIX: I remember doing it as well.

PAZ: Yeah. Well, Julian, I'd be interested to see if you could find any posts of yours in the Wayback Machine.

JULIAN: Oh, yeah.

PAZ: But that'd be like--

JULIAN: I think that's probably--

PAZ: A project for the future.

JULIAN: A project because it'll take me a little bit to navigate this. But yes, I'll try to see if I can find my death post when I killed off my character.

LIZ: Oh my god.

ALIX: Oh my god.

PAZ: Oh please.

JULIAN: Cause it was very dramatic.

LIZ: Um, can we just read a few of the names on your old site?

JULIAN: Oh, yeah.

ALIX: Oh my god, sorry.

LIZ: Because they're really good. Just in the current cat section, just to pick a few out, there's Vengeancestone, Diamondpaw, Pookystar, Saberkit, Rainbowkit, and separately, Rippedkit and Ripplekit.

JULIAN: Oh, great news. I forgot that in WindClan, we do have a Suepaw. So Susan, Susanclaw.

PAZ: Wow.

ALIX: Wow.

LIZ: There's also just a Garfunkel, which is perfect.

ALIX: Oh yeah, Garfunkel.

JULIAN: Oh, I forgot about Garfunk-- wait,, which clan is Garfunkel in? I don't remember Garfunkel.

LIZ: Uh, WindClan.

PAZ: Garfunkel.

ALIX: Kushaclaw?

LIZ: Suepaw.

ALIX: Wow.

PAZ: Others: Loner, Amberfeather (go Amby!)

JULIAN: That was my best friend.

ALIX: Aw.

PAZ: Aw.

JULIAN: She used to be the leader of RiverClan but then decided to become a loner.

ALIX: [gasp] The drama.

PAZ: Wow.

LIZ: Wait. There's a loner called Mirage. Shout outs to Emily.

ALIX: Oh my gosh. Mirage is here.

PAZ: Wow, Mirage Apex Legends.

LIZ: Oh, and the very last name in this whole entire list is Cody.

JULIAN: Yeah.

LIZ: God bless.

JULIAN: Cody was like a rando who just really badly wanted to play a kittypet. And it's like, well, I mean, you can if you want to, but...

LIZ: I respect that. You've got to have some different perspectives in here.

JULIAN: I think you would have really gotten along with Cody because Cody's whole shtick when role playing was that they would just like pop into RPs and be like, hey, you should all come be kittypets with me.

ALIX: Y'all heard of medicine?

LIZ: Do you want to get vaccinated? Do you not want to have ticks? Well, have I got the lifestyle for you.

JULIAN: Yep.

LIZ: Anyway, thank you for this. These beautiful links.

ALIX: They're really incredible.

LIZ: And this beautiful image. And this beautiful question.

JULIAN: Yeah, thank you so much, Nat.

PAZ: Yeah. And I hope we can dive into the Proboards experience more in the future.

JULIAN: Yes.

PAZ: But Alix brought us something very special as well, speaking of the distant Warriors past.

ALIX: Yes. So I've basically had access to the same email account since I was nine, ten years old. So I found an email exchange between my middle school best friend and me about Warrior Cats. So I linked a Google doc. And if somebody wants to be my best friend from middle school, I will be me, and we can read this little exchange

JULIAN: Yeah, I'm happy to do it.

ALIX: Okay. All right, obviously don't doxx her.

JULIAN: Right, of course.

ALIX: So, "Dear Rainface. I got Warriors Field Guide, Secrets of the Clans, and it includes, ta-da! the story of how the clans started. Here is a summary. Many minutes ago, there were only cats who lived in small groups. They fought for no reason at all. It was a lawless, bloodly time for the forest.

One night, they agreed to meet at Fourtrees and talk. They ended up having a battle. Many cats died. The living ones slept at Fourtrees. When they woke up, they saw the slain cats as starry cats/StarClan. 'Unite or die,' said StarClan. Four cats wanted to lead the cats, a black female, Shadow, a silver gray tom with green eyes, River, a wiry brown she-cat, Wind, and a ginger tom with amber eyes, Thunder.

A dispute broke out. Suddenly, 'Silence!' a StarClan tabby yowled. She told them to find cats like them. For Shadow, night hunters, for River, water-loving cats, for Wind, fast runners, and for Thunder, strong hunters. 'If you do this,' said a white tom, 'we will reward you with eight extra lives that you may lead your clans many moons.' A tortoiseshell said, 'we will watch over you from Silverpelt and visit you in dreams.' The white tom declared the full moon truce. The tabby yowled from the great rock, 'you will be warriors.' All the cats agreed. And so began the age of the Warrior Cats." I just want to say that I did write this summary.

PAZ: It's so good.

LIZ: It's beautiful.

ALIX: And I put an ellipsis, then "isn't that scarily like A Place Before StarClan by us, with the white tom and everything? Let me know. Bye! Hawkear."

JULIAN: "It is. But there is no Moonstone coming down to earth or little cats blowing off to the north, south, east or west. Their version is way too boring."

ALIX: "There is a Moonstone story that I will tell you later. But I admit it is a little boring."

JULIAN: "Okay."

ALIX: "We talked about it."

JULIAN: "Oh. Yeah."

ALIX: "Please give back the books if you are done. I need Harry Potter Seven Guesses book before it comes out."

JULIAN: "Sorry I couldn't give it back to you sooner."

ALIX: "'S okay." Spelled S, apostrophe, okay.

LIZ: Aw.

JULIAN: "Good."

ALIX: Then I said, "Hey, now I suppose there was a Sky too?" End exchange.

PAZ: Beautiful.

JULIAN: I love that in 2007 it was totally fine to send a one-word email.

ALIX: Yeah.

PAZ: This is-- I did not email my friends like this. This is fascinating.

ALIX: You know, I would have said that I didn't either, but apparently I did.

JULIAN: I super did, so

PAZ: I love your summary so much.

LIZ: It's so good.

PAZ: "It was a lawless, bloodly time for the forest."

ALIX: I do love "bloodly."

LIZ: That's innovation.

ALIX: I do think this is the canonical lore. But also like, I love that I just sent it up in such a like-- it's like a vaguely poetic way. But I'm just like, "they ended up having a battle." Absolutely no reason why.

PAZ: I love that you were like, so this is the official thing. We did it first and way better.

ALIX: It's a really, really powerful energy.

JULIAN: Oh, to have the sheer confidence of like an 11 year old hyped up on Warrior Cats.

PAZ: Oh, right?

LIZ: That's the confidence you need to send a one word email.

ALIX: Yeah.

JULIAN: That just says "good."

ALIX: I feel like I'm putting way more energy into this exchange than my friend. I'm writing paragraphs. And she's like, good, thanks.

JULIAN: Yeah, I tried to bring as much to the role as I could, but I didn't have a lot to work with.

ALIX: Thank you, you did a great job. Also, wait. Sorry, I just realized the difference-- how much time was between these different messages, because I sent that "'s okay" one on July 31, 2007, and she responded, "good," on August 14, 2007.

PAZ: That's about the rate at which I reply to emails.

ALIX: Yeah, there's five days between almost all of these emails.

LIZ: God, if this was now, it'd be like, hey, just checking in for an update. Have you had a chance to look at my Warrior Cats summary yet? Okay. Let me know. Thanks again. Bye.

JULIAN: Just wanted to touch base on this. Do you have any thoughts?

ALIX: Circling back on this. Isn't our fanfiction better?

LIZ: Best wishes.

ALIX: I hope this email finds you well.

JULIAN: Let me know if you have any questions.

LIZ: Hope to hear from you soon.

JULIAN: Email was a mistake actually. Except for this, this is the only valid use for email.

LIZ: We should have never moved on from this.

ALIX: Thank you so much for letting me read this.

JULIAN: Thank you for sharing it with us.

ALIX: It amused me very much when I found it.

PAZ: It's very good. Thank you. That's kind of what we got-- what we have to bring to the table today. I don't know. I think we did a good, like retrospective talk. Oh, okay. I know what I wanted to do. Liz?

LIZ: Yeah?

PAZ: Would you like to give us your prophecy for the next book?

LIZ: Yes.

JULIAN: Yeees.

ALIX: Yes [clapping].

PAZ: What do you think will happen?

LIZ: Um, they're going to almost get Tigerclaw. But he's going to get away at the last minute, I think at the end of the book. And sorry, did I say Tigerclaw? I did, right?

ALIX: Yeah.

LIZ: All right. And Fireheart is going to be like, rats, if only I had not been wracked with indecision, and also just brainlessness because I'm a dumb little cat. So he's going to have that kind of like, you know, Hamlet hubris moment. And he's gonna get a promotion. Maybe they'll have different jobs now.

You might see more of the other apprentices. Graystripe will develop a personality. I say that with affection. Because there's going to be less exposition to give, I think. They are going to have a fun little jaunt into the barn while they're on a patrol or something. And they're going to see their good friend Ravenpaw. And he's going to be fine with his new boyfriend.

Bluestar is going to have like-- there's gonna be a subplot with Bluestar. She's gonna be like, oh, I'm getting so old, I need to start thinking about me. Like, what have I done for myself? All these years and I don't even know myself. And that is like her slice of life older person romance plot with Yellowfang, who's like re entering the workforce as an older medicine cat. Yeah, that's pretty much my prediction.

JULIAN: I would watch this drama.

ALIX: I love this so much.

JULIAN: Bluestar's self care journey.

ALIX: I love how hard you're manifesting that Ravenpaw is okay.

LIZ: Yeah. He is. I don't know what you mean.

PAZ: The aggression in your voice. Thank you so much. I'm excited to see if your prophecy comes true. Well, that was it for Into the Wild. We're done with it. And now we're moving on to Fire and Ice next week. Very excited.

ALIX: I'm so excited to listen.

JULIAN: Hell yeah.

LIZ: I've had the book on Libby for like a few days now. And I'm like, chomping at the bit to get into it.

PAZ: Now is the time.

JULIAN: Oh, Alix, do you have anything you want to plug?

ALIX: Yeah, I have two podcasts, Hot Taking It, where I watch classic MTV sitcom Faking It, which is about high school lesbians fake dating. And also a podcast that I finished, I guess, although it's kind of ongoing, which is Across the Loonaverse, which is explaining Loona lore. Julian was on that at one point, so if you're a fan of Julian--

JULIAN: Oh, I was. I forgot.

ALIX: --you can go listen to that. And then that will pretty soon be replaced by a Riverdale podcast where I can talk about KJ Apa some more, although not in the role of Fireheart. Yeah, Across the Loonaverse, and Hot Taking It, which I think you can find if you go to my Twitter, which is @kismetnemesis, and then I have them linked. Probably the easiest way to do it.

JULIAN: Hell yeah.

PAZ: And as a reminder, you can find our show @staircast on Twitter. And if you want to send in any questions or anecdotes like the ones we read today, you can send them into [email protected]. And we'll check those periodically.

LIZ: Yeah, I want to thank everyone again, for the really good questions. They're just, they're very cute and sweet. And I had a good time listening and reading them.

JULIAN: Yeah, it's really nice to hear what this series means to other people.

PAZ: Mm hmm. Yeah. And I am just having a blast revisiting it. So thank you, everyone who's doing it with us as well.

ALIX: Yeah, thank you so much for letting me be on the show and also making the show so that I can listen to it. It's genuinely like the highlight of my week. Like every Sunday, I'm like, Alright, it's time to listen to Staircast.

PAZ: Thank you.

JULIAN: Aw, Alix.

LIZ: Thank you for coming on because you're, one, a seasoned podcaster, and also per the rules of the Clan, the new podcast host, so it's in your hands now.

ALIX: Yeah, um, although I think next week I might be busy, if you guys could just be interim hosts for a little while.

LIZ: Yeah, of course.

PAZ: Okay, yeah. We'll figure it out.

JULIAN: We'll be podcast deputies.

ALIX: Oh yes. And if I die, you all have to fight it out.

LIZ: Who has to wait for that? Listen. You've read about Tigerclaw. He's doing fine for himself.

PAZ: Well, uh, I think that's gonna do it for us this week. Tune in next week for Fire and Ice and until then, may StarClan light your path. Bye.

JULIAN: Bye.

LIZ: Bye.

ALIX: B-bye?

LIZ: I'm never sure if I should do that one with you guys.

PAZ: Yeah. I keep it in.

[outro music]

PAZ: Okay, let me put away these covers.

ALIX: These childish things.

JULIAN: No, we're taking out childish things

PAZ: Oh, whoa, it got translated into Latvian. Wild.

ALIX: Only two books, though, so they don't get to know the whole plot.

PAZ: No, Latvian at least got to The Darkest Hour, so three books.

#into the wild ep #ep 07 #a lawless bloodly time #transcript

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sleepymarmot · 8 years ago

Text

DS9 season 3 liveblog & notes

[Season index: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 PS]

The Search 1

Um... so what about that treaty about no cloaking on Federation starships, that was such a big deal in The Pegasus?

What's going on with Jadzia's hair...

"We're going to take our only warship into the territory of people who think of us as intruders to convince them we represent no threat" Logic???? What kind of plan is this?

Loaned? Ah, ok.

"When did I start thinking of this Cardassian monstrosity as home?"

If this is "one of the finest collections of ancient African art you'll ever see", what is it doing in their luggage instead of a museum? This is almost as bad as Picard and that priceless artifact in The Chase...

"Maybe it is. Maybe I'm your friend, and maybe I want you to see that you are still needed here no matter what some idiot Starfleet admiral might think." ;_;

Why dim the lights when you cloak? Just to give a visual shorthand to the viewers?

Wow Odo... I don't understand why everyone is so hard on Quark in this episode -- Sisko bullies him, Bashir insults him for no reason, now Odo is yelling at him with more aggression than he's ever shown in two seasons...

Seriously?! Cloaked ships leave a trace, and nobody in all decades of conflict ever noticed that?! I mean, even if somehow only the Romulans know, that means they can detect cloaked Klingon ships, which would mean they could as well have been uncloaked -- that'd be a massive retcon that doesn't work with anything we've seen before.

I still don't understand how replicators can produce foul tasting food... They make exact copies on a molecular level...

Poor Bashir -- it's as if Sisko picked his best friends to leave behind on purpose...

another literal redshirt dead

Class M planet with no star? What?

Why do these changelings all look like Odo -- imperfect imitations of humanoids? I thought Odo's appearance was the result of trying to fit in Bajoran society + lack of skill to make face more detailed. These changelings live by themselves so they can pick any shape they like, and I'd expect them to have more control over details, so just repeating Odo's design looks like a lazy shorthand to indicate they're the same species -- as if their liquid state weren't enough. They even have the same hairstyle -- which he copied from a Bajoran! If the writers are trying to say "they're just copying Odo" then they should all be played by the same actor.

The Search 2

Oh come on, Kira, there's absolutely nothing wrong with having a lot of questions in this situation!!!

Me: well this story is pretty bad so far, I don't have any expectations for it anymore Screen: Andrew Robinson as Garak Me: interest instantly restored

(I'm certain every person liveblogging this show made or reblogged a post in this vein...)

Alright, Sisko's plotline is definitely some kind of hallucination

Or is it? I thought it was all too good to be true, but maybe the Dominion is just tricking them

Wait, that subcommander is alive and on DS9?

Okay, I didn't like that "Starfleet security officer" and now he's more suspicious. Maybe he's a part of the Dominion. Maybe the changelings are a part of the Dominion. Maybe all these people acting strangely are changelings in disguise. Maybe everything is a conspiracy. I dunno, this entire episode feels incredibly fake.

"It seems our leaders have simply gone insane" Garak stop reinforcing my impression that you and Sisko are somehow the only real people in this story... Well Dax and Bashir also seem to be alright, but they're a bit too passive.

Oh, Garak didn't look behind himself and got shot, guess he's not real either

FUCKING FINALLY

This is so unsurprising that I can't tell if the writing is to obvious or if I've seen this spoiler before and half-forgot. Probably both.

And they just let them all go. Sure. I wonder how they managed to gain so much power, if they're prone to dumb decisions like this..

What a shitty story. Jfc. The only amusing part was that according to the main characters, the Starfleet admirals are stupid and untrustworthy (what a surprise...), and Garak is smart enough to not only take action when needed, but seem to almost realize the world around him is wrong (but he still somehow fails a spot check in a firefight...). Bashir clearly wants him to join the team and run around having adventures (not a surprise either...). It's funny that the character who comes closest to becoming self-aware is actually one of the simulated ones.

The fakeness of the plot is obvious enough to make me unable to take it seriously, but not clear or fun enough to just relax and enjoy the ride. I don't hate simulations on principle, but I need them to be good simulations. The Federation is too stupid -- it might have worked with some new admiral, since they're often assholes, but we know Nechayev and she was obviously OOC. The editing is pretty telling: there are weird timeskips (worst offender: Sisko gets into a fight and then without a change of pace others come to break him out from the brig), plus I don't think there were establishing outside shots of DS9. And anyway, the very first scene with Sisko where he's in a shuttle even though at the end of the previous episode he was about to be captured, and then Dax and O'Brien show up and we've never seen them escape is a dead giveaway that everything about this group of characters from here on is somehow wrong. And that's 8 minutes into the episode. I thought "Well, maybe it's an editing experiment, and it'll be a how-we-got-here flashback episode" but nope. What a waste of time.

Lmao I just read this in a comment to a review of this episode: "When I first saw the The Search, Pt II I found it unusual that Bashir is in a shuttlecraft with someone and for the first time manages not to annoy his travelling companion. And then the ending reveals why – it was all a dream!" That's right! I actually thought that too! :D

I can say one good thing about this episode: Odo's love of order has always had dark undertones, and I like that it's explored and discussed here as a racial trait which made his brethren into a galactic evil force.

But otherwise I'm not very impressed with his storyline? In the first part his anger and compulsive homing instinct look offputting instead of sympathetic. At one point he makes an expression that is probably supposed to be soft and makes the viewers go "aww", but ends up just looking forced and creepy. And the tender moment with Kira at the end just didn't work for me.

The House of Quark

OUCH

I was pretty scared for Quark, since he's not a big fan of violence, nice to see he's taking this so well

A new pretty outfit for Quark! A beautiful Klingon woman!

Another beautiful Klingon with a great grey mane. Yes, my commentary is very deep today.

I just continue to be amazed by Quark's luck with the ladies. Cultural exchange with a Vulcan in the previous season, now with a Klingon.

Aw, O'Brien actually wants Bashir's opinion now. And Bashir gives good relationship advice to a married man -- compare to their conversation in Armageddon Game!

Doesn't this solve their problem? If Kozak died dishonorably, that means D'Ghor gets nothing. Which is what should have happened in the first place. So now that D'Ghor challenged Quark, Quark's inability to fight will be shown to everybody (as if it weren't obvious enough...), so D'Ghor's lie will be exposed. And then he'd not only have no right of ineritance, but presumably also become a criminal for lying to the coucil.

Quark is awesome

What a good episode. Quark acts cool and noble! Klingon vs Ferengi value clash & working together! A-story and B-story work together well because despite no direct connection, they're both uplifting and thematically linked!

Equilibrium

Oh, of course when Jadzia gets screentime, it's for her to act OOC

Aw, a J&J friendship scene

Time for the annual comment on how much Bashir grew up! I've already talked about his scene in the previous episode, and now there's this lovely, purely platonic scene with Jadzia

How can these Federation weirdos sleep without blankets?

This was okay. But can we have a Jadzia episode not about her almost dying? So far this season is disappointing -- only one good episode out of four.

Second Skin

O k a y. You got me, I really didn't expect this

This is the kind of episode I watch this show for

How do you disguise someone as a member of species for years? I can understand cosmetic surgery like in Face of the Enemy, but to change their entire body so it would show as target species during any medical examination... This concerns the episode Tribunal, too. How are agents so deep undercover supposed to work? She spent all these years helping the Resistance. How does that benefit Cardassia? 10 years ago they wouldn't have known the Federation would become involved and their sleeper agent would work with them

Niiiiice

"Just something I overheard while I was hemming someone's trousers" lmao his excuses are getting more and more ridiculous

Cardassian!Kira *is* more attractive than the real Kira

the real Garak demonstrates how much his reflexes are quicker than his simulation's :D

Honestly, by this point I'm just curious for how many seasons can the writers stretch the mystery surrounding Garak. :D They're having too much fun giving out pieces of the puzzle one by one.

The Abandoned

This beautiful woman with a really impressive chest is Jake's gf? Wow!

Why are they just taking away the wreckage instead of buying it from Quark?

Sisko holding the baby and Jadzia and Julian watching him with smiles on their faces :'))

oh my god Odo used his old bucked as a cache-pot for Kira's plant... :O

wait, weren't the Jem'Hadar much more reptilian?

"It's amazing how some people would judge you based on nothing more than your job" haha

If this boy has so much aggression, why is it only expressed as need for physical combat, and not angry verbal outbursts etc? Another genetically engineered quality -- he needs to be a brutal soldier that doesn't talk back?

I find it curious that this episode answers the question "Is it okay for a 20 year old to date a 16 year old?" with such a definite yes. That's pretty questionable territory, and it's unclear why exactly Sisko changed his mind: his opinion about the girl's job or Jake's interests doesn't negate the age difference.

I like that the show takes Odo's backstory as a lab specimen so seriously. I used to expect exploration of this theme with Data, since he must have spent a lot of time in some Federation research centers before entering the Academy.

Civil Defense

Garak AND Dukat? I like this episode already.

Why are they not asking Garak for help? I know they'd prefer other options, but is kind of an emergency! I know they'll have to, eventually, since he's in the opening titles.

"I never knew how much this man's voice annoyed me" :D I'd actually be curious to hear the announcement in full, personally!

This is such a good excuse for a Disaster-like episode?? Perfect synergy between the setting and the needs of the plot

haha of course Odo and Quark are trapped together

"The only place in the galaxy that still recognizes my access code is a Bajoran space station" So what about that code in Second Skin?

bwahaha it just gets worse and worse

I think this is a good episode to show new viewers who want a taste of the show before starting to watch it properly from the beginning: it gives a good idea of the setting and involves all major characters to some degree, but so far it has very few continuity references

"What? That you'd spend your final hours in jail?"

"Tell me, Doctor, what is it exactly about this situation that's making you smile?" "You, Garak." oh my god...

holy shit this station is something else...

Dukat shows up in person! It's strange they didn't even discuss the possibility of calling him earlier. Of course, he immediately turned this into a hostage situation, so...

Oh my god he's making himself tea in the middle of this... amazing

"If you had been on the station when I designed this programme, I would have made an exception in your case."

HAHAHAHAHA

When Odo and Quark walk out, why are so many people just chilling on the Promenade?! They were about to die seconds ago!

What a beautiful episode :D Probably not as suited for beginners as I initially thought, thanks to Garak&Dukat. But I really appreciate the dark comedy side of it

Meridian

I think I've seen this episode in TNG... maybe multiple times... Jadzia is even worse suited for this role than Deanna.

welp this was really bad on literally every possible level. i could complain for a long time but i'd rather save my breath

the only good thing about this episode: it's so irrelevant you can easily skip it.

Defiant

I think she needs sleep, not a night out in the bar

THAT VOICE

I think I'm spoiled about this one...

Second Chances did such a good job not villainizing Tom and then this episode comes and ruins it

ah yes tell all your military secrets to the Cardassians, including cloaked ship detection...

why the random kiss

aaand Riker spends possibly the rest of his life in a Cardassian camp? great. just great. why did someone hate him so much they deemed this necessary? they managed to make me so salty about this I didn't even care about the Cardassian stuff, that's an achievement. Will gets to continue his career and marry his imzadi while Tom, who already spent 8 years marooned alone and didn't even get a promotion afterwards, now rots in prison forever. "You always had the better hand," indeed.

it's hilarious how quickly Dukat can make Sisko sympathise with him just by mentioning fatherhood. worked even better than the last time. if he got half a brain he's doing it on purpose.

I hope Riker at least got to spend some time with Ro while they were both in the Maquis. now that's something I'd like to see

Fascination

"I'm a poor substitute for your wife" "I could have told you that 60 games ago"

do we really need the Odo/Kira/Bareil love triangle?

"I usually make it a point to drop by Quark's three or four times a day at random intervals, just to let him know that I'm thinking about him"

"Jadzia, of course. I've never understood how the two of you could be such good friends. [...] It's just that she gets to spend so much more time with you than I do." "Jadzia and I have been doing this for the past two years." ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

oh O'Briens, pls don't fight over nothing :(

so where is Bashir during all this? because I'm pretty sure he and Garak are not immune to this romance confusion nonsense, and that sounds like a much more intriguing story than what I'm watching

ah, he's with Kira, well at least this one's mutual and not sexual harassment

I understand Odo, but why is Sisko unaffected too?

A question that concerns not only to this episode: why is Kira always the object of everyone's attraction? She's dating Bareil (which I completely forgot about; when she mentioned having a boyfriend in the previous episode I was very confused), Odo has a crush on her, in this episode Jake and Bashir do too, an episode before Riker kisses her, an episode before some creep wants a blow-up doll of her, an episode before Dukat leers at her...

Well... I guess this was less gross than The Naked Now.

Past Tense

I like how Dax adjusts to this time period instantly. was she already born by then?

"Some of these people are mentally ill." *braces myself for some horrible comment* "...They need proper medical treatment." oh thank god

Jadzia looks absolutely gorgeous

surely it's not a coincidence that the only white character among the time-travellers ends up with a millionaire, while the others are locked up in the sanctuary

Sisko and Bashir's discussions are very heavy handed, it's like watching some old moralizing play

I like how Jadzia retrieved her combadge by telling the truth

there was nothing particularly wrong with this story, and it was well-made, but for some reason it didn’t really impress me

Life Support

so. Winn was behind the sabotage, right?

this is like "Ethics" in reverse

haha they want Terok Nor back

"She talks a lot for a female" Nog you used to be better than that...

"Listen to me. I don't care about your negotiations, and I don't care about your treaty. All I care about is my patient, and at the moment he needs more medical care and less politics. Now, you can either leave here willingly or I'll call security and have you thrown out."

now it's more like "The Host". (I can't stop comparing everything to TNG haha)

don't try to make this into a "grey morality" situation. Nog is objectively in the wrong here, the human culture is objectively better than the Ferengi culture in this respect. TNG intentionally wrote Ferengi values to be abhorrent, and DS9 didn't change them but somehow tries to justify them and it just. doesn't. work. Just admit you wrote yourself into a corner, and either retcon the Ferengi to be more tolerable, or set aside your "all cultures are valid" agenda for a minute and admit some things are just bad. this glorification of moral relativism is DS9's version of TNG's worst misapplications of the Prime Directive

wow, are they actually going to kill him off?

"Positronic implants"?! Um. UM. They have working positronic brain now? Since when? Last time I heard, nobody managed to make stable ones since Dr. Soong... Or are implants easier to make than a full brain? Anyway, the possibility of a mixed organic-positronic brain has never even been discussed before, this is kind of a big deal. Dammit, just putting some human skin on Data was something only the Borg managed to do! This sounds 1000 times more complex!

"Major" ah, so that's how they break up, he’s incapable of romance now

ahh, his voice, head movemens and facial expressions are just like Data's

uggh the Jake-Nog storyline went as I expected

wow I didn't expect the treaty to actually get signed!

"I won't remove the last shred of humanity Bareil has left" rude... and that's from the man who befriended Data... I'm disappointed

oh btw if he just casually talks about the possibility of fully replacing Bareil's brain, that means it is possible to create stable positronic brains at will now! this is enormous! Data doesn’t have to be the only one of his kind anymore! Lal can be rebuilt! oh wait, let me guess, this will never be addressed again ever.

Welp. You know, right before I started this episode, I was mentally complaining about Bareil, like "kill him off already". Whoops! I feel bad now. This episode didn't go as I expected, and was more important than I expected too, which is good.

Jake and Nog's storyline and the positronic stuff -- less good. Honestly, the more I think about these two points, the angrier I become and the less I like this episode.

I thought that A and B plots were annoyingly unrelated, but actually... I think they share the theme of "peace above all", on a very different scale. Because the Bajoran-Cardassian treaty doesn't sound very fair to me either. "There's even the possibility that the Cardassians will issue a formal apology"?! Is that really enough? "Even the possibility"? Meanwhile, people like Dukat not only walk free but remain at their high posts. Cardassia|Nog was the offending side, Bajor|Jake did nothing wrong, and yet rather than declare that and demand justice and apologies, the latter can only hope to achive mutual tolerance -- even that is hard enough. Well, let's just hope the show isn't going to try and justify the occupation, like it did with Nog's misogyny...

btw, since we're talking about international politics and status quo: what about the Dominion threat? everyone was really scared for a couple of episodes, and then things went back to normal. we went to the Gamma Quadrant once for no reason (nothing about the plot required that!). the Defiant, a unique warship sent here for defend DS9 and the wormhole against Dominion attacks, is regularly used as a shuttle/runabout for random trips. way to disperse all sense of danger, change and excitement.

I certainly like Bashir in this episode more than I liked Crusher in Ethics (or in The Host, lol). He can get pretty intense when it comes to saving his patient's life. Not "fly to Cardassia to face a former head of secret service" intense, but still.

It's nice to see Winn humanized a bit. The writers have spent a lot of time making Dukat likeable, she deserves the same treatment. I'm so used to mistrusting her, I spent the entire episode being confused whether she actually wants the treaty to succeed or is plotting to make it fail for some reason, whether she wants Bareil alive or dead. But I guess I was supposed to take everything she was saying at face value for once?

I don't know what the hell is this season doing with these Ferengi B-plots that, I guess, are supposed to be humorous (???) but are wildly offensive instead. Are we supposed to just calmly accept Quark and Nog's extreme misogyny? It was played for drama pretty well in Rules of Acquisition; this is a noticeable step back.

Heart of Stone

I love Sisko and Bashir's casual conversation about a male ensign's pregnancy! Sure, he's an alien, but it's still progress for this show.

Odo and Kira's storyline is so cliched... I don't even make an effort to listen to their technobabble

As viewers we all know Kira will be saved somehow at the last minute, but in her and Odo's place I'd already start discussing a mercy kill. Phaser blast from a friend >>> asphyxiation

"I'm in love with you too" ???????????????????? YOUR BOYFRIEND LITERALLY DIED IN THE PREVIOUS EPISODE

Sisko, he's just a kid. I know you're testing him, but there's no need to go that far.

Okay, I'm going to sound like a broken record, but: what about misogyny? The previous episode made a point of showing that Nog upholds Ferengi values regarding women. And that's completely incompatible with Starfleet. Isn't anyone going to mention that?

heh... there was a thought at the back of my mind that a changeling might be involved

aww, good, stand up to Quark, you two! :)

Well, most of this episode is very boring, contrived and derivative, but it does give Odo some character development (even if it includes the dreaded romance, ugh) and has a good excuse for this plot device at the end.

Destiny

"I also had Chief O'Brien reprogram the replicators to provide Cardassian food" Um, why wouldn't it already be on the menu? I assumed the replicators weren't replaced by Federation ones, and in season 2 Keiko gave a Cardassian dish to Rugal. I went back to check, and she literally said "I found some Cardassian recipes in the memory bank of our food replicator"!

It makes sense that the Bajorans don't want the Cardassians in their Temple

let me guess, there'll be an unexpected third Cardassian and suddenly the prophecy will sound much more believable

"Now those are about the two friendliest vipers I've ever met" Hey, maybe don't make jokes like this immediately after someone walks out of the door...

Told you so

Damn, the third "viper" seems to actually deserve that name! Will she be the "bad" one, or, in subversion, the only trustworthy one?

"Men just don't seem to have a head for this sort of thing. That's why women dominate the sciences." ah yes hello reverse sexism trope

Cardassians flirt by bickering? Never heard that before... I thought this was more like Klingons.

Okay, they played it straight with Dejar

That's lovely! But "vipers will return to their nest in the sky" doesn't make sense -- how did the comet fragments return to their nest?

The Prophets don't "want" anything! They just can tell you the future because they don't exist in linear time!

Well, this was a lovely episode, if not the most engaging. But the subplot with O'Brien and the scientist was completely unnecessary.

Prophet Motive

Was! This! Necessary?! I don't need to see sex on screen! And yes that includes oo-mox!

Aw Bashir

I can't believe we're getting a story where Bashir is the one who suffers because his friends won't shut up. Karma is real...

nice job breaking it, Quark

The story is pretty shallow by itself, but makes me ask some interesting questions. Would it be ok to nonconsensually transform a bad person into a good one? Especially a person in a position of power? I know I'd be tempted to do this to some politicians... But even if we assume the ends justify the means, who would define good or bad? Sadly, this episode doesn't take these issues seriously.

After 2.5 season of Bajoran religion, it's actually nice to meet the "Prophets" in person again in all their creepy, clueless glory.

Visionary

Time to torture poor Miles with more unreality!

why are both sides being so dumb? just say "Odo was separated from the rest of his people as a baby, grew up with no knowledge of them, and only met them 1.5 times"?

"I'm always diplomatic" *cut* "THAT WAS THE MOST RIDICULOUS THING I'VE EVER HEARD AND I RESENT THE IMPLICATION!"

my first thought: the transporter genuis who beamed in the device was O'Brien

this one doesn't make sense... the sleeping Miles should know about the disaster and the radiation device too...

As usual with time travel episodes, it's very fun to watch, but the mechanics break down at the end and spoil the impression. I like that, as in Civil Defense, every time you solve a problem it gets worse.

It's only season 3, and "O'Brien suffers" as a type of episode is already getting old.

Distant Voices

There's a Cardassian writer named Shoggoth? :D

"Still the man of mystery?" "Oh, you wouldn't have me any other way"

Melting Odo is a genuinely disturbing sight...

"There's hope for you yet, Doctor"

Very predictable story, but it has some character development and lovely scenes with Garak.

Through the Looking Glass

when Mirror!Garak looks in indignation at Sisko kissing Kira: honestly same

Mirror universe Terok Nor is less riot-proof than our universe's was...

Episode: boring and pointless as I feared

Mirror Kira: somehow even worse than the last time, at least watching her hit on herself was mildly entertaining

Mirror Garak: still a giant waste of Andrew Robinson -- seriously, he appears rarely enough, and for the third time in this season he's not playing his real character

Sleeping with alternate versions of friends/subordinates: incredibly gross

Well at least Bashir and Dax looked really hot with these haircuts lol

Improbable Cause / The Die is Cast

Ahh, so many of my favourite things. Odo investigates! Garak confronts his past and justifies his reputation for once! International conflict! Dominion is dangerous again!

The cliffhanger where Garak joins Tain is the most thrilling thing that happened on the show recently! But I'd be severely disappointed if he didn't do that.

The torture scene is very impressive, but there are some things I don't understand about it:

What, "They're still my people and I want to go home" is the big secret that's worth all that torture? Seriously? Anyone could have told you that. How is this information new or relevant?!

Nevertheless, "he never broke" is a lie, right? Odo did break and confess, even if I think his revelation was completely useless. Don't the intelligence agencies of the two biggest police states in the galaxy have security cameras in their interrogation chambers?!

I could understand if Odo forgave Garak eventually, but not so soon and easily! He tortures you horribly, then you never even mention it and invite him to hang out only several hours after! Sorry, what?!

It's becoming a trend to start Garak-centric episodes with something bad happening to him. :D Oh shit, Garak's hand got bitten! Oh shit, Garak has a migraine! Oh shit, Garak's shop blew up!

Explorers

Come on, O'Brien, is this really more ridiculous than building ships in bottles? :D You of all people should understand!

"For a moment there I thought that you had been put in charge of the Cardassian Ministry for the Refutation of Bajoran Fairy Tales"

Miles, just say the word! :D

Fireworks in space! :D I don't know what I love more -- the beautiful and uplifting moment itself, or Cardassians going "Shit :))) We gotta be really nice today :))))) Congratulations :)))))))"

After the epic intense two-parter -- 45 minutes of pure fluff :D It has so many things that are specific to DS9: Sisko and Jake's family bond, Bajoran culture and Cardassians being jerks about it, Sisko and Dukat's passive-aggressive skyping, Bashir and O'Brien's slowly developing friendship -- all leading to the celebration of the “boldly go where no one has gone before” spirit, and everything, for once, ends well.

Family Business

"If I were Curzon, I'd have stolen her from you by now" *facepalm* let's just pretend this stupid heteronormative line doesn't exist

this house looks like a Hobbit hole

Quark and Rom's mom is awesome. get rekt you misogynists!

omg Miles & Julian, how old are you? :D

Rom is so nice in this episode

I like Kasidy

Ishka is 10 times more awesome than it seemed

Rom really rocks in this episode

aaaand the ship sails :D

I wish Ishka could make a public statement, and Quark would

Good episode: interesting family dynamics, amazing Ferengi feminist, cute new ship

Quark and women is a fascinating topic. He's a traditionalist when it comes to Ferengi women, but in daily life among other species usually manages to come off no worse than any 20th century misogynist, and finds strong and outspoken women attractive rather than repulsive. Apparently it boils can be traced back to mommy issues: Quark isn't just a "good Ferengi", he's being reactionary towards Ishka, but at the same time she clearly is a positive influence on him, even if he won’t admit it. Too bad in this episode he refused to take even one step forward as he did in "Rules of Acquisition"...

Shakaar

Shit, things are really going downhill on Bajor... separation of church and state, what's that?

"We spent so many years fighting the Cardassians. We spent so much time hoping and praying for a Bajor that was free. Now that we won, how can people just hand their freedom over to someone like Winn?" "It has been my observation that one of the prices of giving people freedom of choice is that sometimes they make the wrong choice."

Why can't those reclamators be replicated?

"I wasn't aware that our relationship needed solidifying"

Great episode! (If I set aside the question of replication... Seriously, what's the law here? The Bajorans on DS9 can use the replimat, but Bajor can't ask the Federation to replicate some farm equipment? I don't think it would be physically impossible, surely it's not made of something like dilithium or latinum.) Winn hasn't reminded me of our sad reality so much since her first appearance. The B-plot was completely irrelevant, but I always enjoy seeing this sort of thing.

Facets

Quark... are you trying to convince the station commander's 16 year old son to write porn for you? seriously?

Ah yes, people closest to Jadzia, aka all of the main characters... and a dabo girl who appeared once for 45 seconds

don't do this... especially in front of all of ur friends...

Dax has a multi-Doctor episode! :D

CurzOdo and Quark's reaction to him are beautiful :D But how can he drink?

Poor Jadzia :(

Go Rom! Quark is too much of an asshole this season...

This is messed up...

Typical man: he's attracted to a woman, so he takes out his frustration and her and nearly ruins her life

How do Trill memories work? Why is this ritual needed when all memories are already in Dax's head? Are some of them in a .zip and need to be decompressed to be appreciated fully? How did Jadzia not know of Curzon's crush? Is it possible to hide some of your memories from the next host(s) on purpose? You know what, nevermind. Rene Auberjonois (whose name I had to copy-paste, I must admit...) clearly had fun with this episode, and so did I.

The Adversary

yes finally! :)

When they introduced the word "changeling" I was like "that's dumb, that's not what the word means" but now I understand. tbh I love them as enemy -- this story is so beautifully paranoid

why are they all assuming there's only one changeling on board

Well, they certainly know how to end the season on a dramatic line...

This season, my honeymoon phase of "oh my god, serialized Trek" finally ended, and I started thinking about whether or not I like these serialized stories. So I felt compelled to write longer notes after each episode, and don’t have any general remarks this time.

#star trek #ds9 #blah blah blah

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