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inkandpen22 · 4 years ago

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Not Playing Nice

Request: a transman!reader x protective!Spike after the reader gets insulted or invalidated

Pairing: Spike x transman!reader

Warnings: swearing, fighting, mentions of violence, bullying

Word Count: 2.2k

Summary: Y/N is a member of the Scoobie gang and attends UC Sunnydale with them. When Spike walks Y/N home after a group meeting, he notices some marks on his skin and gets concerned.

A/N: Thank you so much for the request! This is my first time writing a story with this POV and it was such a fun new experience! I hope I did the story justice and I hope you enjoy it! X

Masterlist

Curled up in the armchair, I struggle to not doze off. Buffy and the others discuss the latest Big-Bad that’s been ravaging Sunnydale. When Xander called this meeting at his and Anya’s apartment after he spotted the demon earlier at the construction site, I almost lied and said I was busy in the library. Usually, I’m of greater help than this, but classes have me drained and last night was a long night. The idea of having to walk back past the frat houses on the way to the dorm keeps popping into my head every time I close my eyes, so at least I have that to keep me alert.

I feel a gentle hand on my shoulder. “Hey Y/N?”

I hum, too tired to open my eyes. Spike is squatting in front of my chair, studying my face.

“You seem tired. How about you head on home?” He suggests.

I shake my head, sitting up to prove I’m awake. “Nah, I’ll stay until everyone calls it a night.” A yawn escapes me accidentally.

“If you’re worried about walking back with Mr. Munchie-Man out and about, I could join you,” he offers, referring to the toothy demon we’ve been hunting.

“It’s not that, thanks though,” I offer the blonde vampire a weak smile.

“Yeah, Y/N, you should get some rest,” Willow agrees. “I know you’ve had a lot of projects this week. We’ll bring you up to date tomorrow!” She offers enthusiastically.

I yawn again, “alright, maybe you’re right.”

I shift in my seat to stand and Spike’s hand remains on my arm kindly.

“Come on, Mate,” he mumbles, guiding me to the door. “I’ll walk you home just in case.”

I roll my eyes, “I’m human, not a defenseless puppy.”

“Doesn’t mean the Hungry-Hungry-Hippo won’t make you into a chew toy,” he insists.

Spike is always so uncharacteristically protective of me. He’s not that way with Xander. I suspect it’s because Buffy and the others treat me the same. I’m the ‘empathetic one’ of the group.

Everyone says their goodbyes and repeat for us to stay safe. Buffy adds a request, for me to call when I get back to my dorm room okay. I promise her to do so.

As Spike and I arrive at my dorm room, I go to unlock the door. Considering how late it is everyone on my floor is asleep and the only lighting in the hall is the emergency lights.

“Well, thanks for playing bodyguard,” I start to bid the vamp farewell as my door swings open. “I’ll see-”

“Wait,” Spike grabs my wrist suddenly.

I jump, thinking he says something in my pitch-black room. “What?!”

“What’s this on your neck?” He releases my wrist and his fingers brush against my neck.

Shit.

“Oh, I uh...” I stammered, struggling to think of an excuse. “Willow was messing around and tried flat ironing my hair! She kinda got to close ya know,” I laugh nervously, moving to step inside my room.

Spike grabs my forearm and I wince. Noticing my reaction, he frowns and swiftly raises the fabric of my sweatshirt’s sleeve.

“Spike, don’t-”

His sight lands on the massive, hours old, scrape that travels from my elbow to my wrist on the outside of my forearm.

“What the hell is this?” He mumbles, peering up at me with hooded eyes.

“From the last time, we fought a Big-Bad,” I explain plainly, taking my arm back and lowering the sleeve. “I’m not vampy like you, don’t heal as quickly.” I force a smile.

Not buying the story, he nudges my shoulder aggressively and I bump into the wall of the hallway. He presses his palm against the wall beside my head and reaches for the hem of my hoodie. I swat at his hand away and he slaps it back like a cat.

“Stop that,” he orders sternly.

I turn my head to the side, clenching my jaw. I focus on a single piece of wood positioned at the end of the corridor. Swallowing hard, to distract me as Spike picks up the hem of my hoodie hesitantly. He shifts on his feet as the dark-colored bruise that coats my rib cage becomes fully exposed. For a moment that feels like an eternity, he examines the many clustered marks around my abdomen.

He clears his throat and drops the fabric. Pushing off the wall, he paces away to the opposite wall. There’s a prolonged silence between us as I protrude far within myself.

Spike spins on his heels to face me. “All of these marks from one fight where you had me, two mega witches, a Slayer, an ex-vengeance demon, and her lapdog to help you? What are you, a human or a peach?”

I toss my head back in annoyance. “Just leave it, Spike!”

“So, you’re just not going to tell me what happened?” He clenches his jaw.

“I did tell you,” I defend calmly and go to enter my room. “Now, goodnight.”

He rushes to the doorway and slams his hands against the frame. “I’m going to find out!”

“See you tomorrow!” I dismiss, shutting the door in his face.

Finally, alone, I slide down the back of my door and bring my knees close to my chest. Releasing a deep breath, I do everything I can to relax, even in the slightest bit. I’ve gone this long without any of my friends finding out, I just hope Spike doesn’t say anything. I’ve just never wanted to trouble them. I mean, considering we fight demons and forces of legitimate evil each day my problems don’t exactly match the level of priority. I can handle this. Besides, I’ve been dealing with it for a while now. I’m used to it.

_________________________________________________

The following night, we all gather at The Bronze to celebrate another win against a demon. I really didn’t like this one, he gave IT vibes this his racks of teeth. Gives me the heebie-jeebies!

At the bar, I wait patiently for my drink while the group is around our usual table just a few yards away.

“Jack Daniels please,” a familiar English accent requests the bartender.

I glance to my right and sure enough, there’s Spike in all his glory. He turns to face me directly and I stare ahead, watching the bartender make my drink.

“You were good today, you know when you picked up Xander’s ax and whatnot,” Spike compliments awkwardly.

“Thanks,” I mumble.

“So you’re still not going-”

“Nope,” I nod. “Still not gonna tell ya.”

“Right then, fair enough,” he sighs, spinning on his heels to face the bar.

Out of the corner of my eye, I can see him tapping his black painted nails against the bar. After a second of fidgeting, he reaches into his coat pocket and reveals a pack of cigarettes. He slips one between his lips and holds the pack out to me. I give him a knowing look, he can’t be serious.

“You know I don’t smoke,” I remind him.

“You know I don’t smoke,” he mimics my voice, stuffing the cigarettes back into his pocket.

I suppress my amusement, biting down on my lip. That impersonation was just horrid. Spike notices and continues his act.

“Oh Spike, you’re just the best!” He says in a sing-songy tone. “You’re the evilest, most vicious vampire I’ve ever met. I just-”

I swat his arm and he whines, rubbing the wounded area.

“I don’t sound like that!” I laugh.

“You’re right.” He takes a quick smoke of his cigarette and clears his throat. “Let me just get in tune here-”

I whine, “Spike, I-”

“Well if it isn’t the SheMan!”

My heart stops as soon as I hear the eery insult. It’s nothing original, I hear it almost daily, that’s not what makes me anxious. The part that has me so worried is I hear from the same group of asshole every day. They’re all in the same frat at UC Sunnydale. I have to pass their house to get to my dorm, that’s how I ran into the first time. They were are their porch and one of them recognized me from our English Literature class.

The douchiest one of them all, the leader, appears at my side rubs against me. “We missed you in class today!”

I turn my body to Spike, putting my back to the Frat guy. His friends circle us like a wall of steroid driven rage. Spike clenches his jaw, switching his sight between me and the group of guys.

He removes the cigarette from his mouth and barks past me at the Frat leader. “Piss off you wanker!”

“Ooh, got yourself a boyfriend?” One of his minions purrs, making the others laugh.

“Trying to compensate for something are we?!” Spike insults the group, unfazed by the dickwad’s insinuation.

“Just ignore them,” I grumble to Spike.

“I’m sorry? What was that you little tranny?” Another one of them snickers and shoves me into the bar top.

The wind gets knocked out of me as I grip my bruised side. Sweet Lord, that hurt like a bitch!

“Okay, this should be fun,” Spike remarks, having had enough.

I push off the bar weakly, still suffering the shooting pain in my abdomen. I grab the vampire wrist pleadingly. “Spike, don’t!”

He won’t always be there to play bodyguard and I’ll be the one left to deal with the consequences at school. Next year I’ll live in a different building and I’ll never have to see these pricks again.

Spike is ready to drop-kick each of them and huffs when I stop with him. He opens to argue with me. “But-”

“Let’s go!” I repeat sternly.

We go to walk back to our friends, leaving the group of Abercrombie models by the bar.

“Must you always be so patient,” Spike grumbles, his cigarette balancing on his lips.

I can tell it’s taking everything in him to restrain himself. It’s not in his nature to leave a fight, baby steps.

“I thought you liked that about me,” I laugh lightly.

A faint smile appears on Spike’s lips, at least he’s easing up a little. Soon, we’ll be back with our friends and it’ll be fine.

“Oh yeah, you run!” One of the boys shouts over the chatter of the club.

Spike shifts to turn around and I press a hand to his back, urging him to keep walking. “Ignore them!”

“You sissy!” Another adds, earning a series of laughs from his friends.

“Alright fuck this nice-person bollocks!” Spike snaps, dropping his cigarette and smashing it with his boot. His face morphs into his vampy one as he allows his frustration to consume him. “I’m evil for Christ’s sake!” He spins on his heels and marches toward the group of guys gathered by the bar.

“Spike!”

Before I have the chance to stop him, he grabs one of the guys by the collar of his polo and punches him right across the face. The college boy falls into his friends then the floor with a grunt. He covers his face, his nose bleeding excessively.

Spike leans over him with a wicked snicker. “How’d you like that you gutless tit?!”

He stands up straight to address his circle of friends. “Anyone else what a goat it?! Suddenly I’m very thirsty!”

Taking one look at Spike’s face, all of them scatter. I watch as they shove each other out of the way to get away and sprint up to the exit. They leave their friend on the floor moaning and groaning in pain. Spike brushes his hands over his gelled hair, sleeking it back.

“Well, that was refreshing,” he sighs, dropping his arms at his sides.

He rejoins me and presses a hand to my back to walk me back to the bar to where we were peacefully before.

“You didn’t need to do that,” I mutter, nonetheless appreciate.

“Of course I bloody did,” he debates. “If there’s anything I hate more than sympathetic, humanitarian namby-pamby, self-righteous prats! It’s weak high-and-mighty bullies!”

Spike playing defender instead of the offender? What an interesting turn of events. After a moment, the bartender brings us our drinks.

“Thank you,” I say to Spike before I forget.

“Eh, don’t mention it,” he waves his hand, dismissing it as nothing. “And the next time any other prep-fest frat boy gives you trouble you tell me, alright! Promise?!”

I nod, taking a sip of my drink.

“And don’t worry, I won’t tell the others about any of this,” he assures me timidly as a side note.

That truly comes as a relief to me. I wouldn’t want to deal with the constant questions and fussing that I’m sure would ensue.

“So...do you wanna go join the others?” I suggest.

“Nah,” he makes a disgusted face as he lights himself a new cigarette. “They all annoy me.”

“I don’t annoy you?” I laugh, raising a brow.

“No, you’re quite pleasant actually,” he compliments to my surprise. “You think I’d punch someone for just anybody?”

“Umm, yeah?” I argue, not hiding my amusement.

“Okay maybe you’re right,” he concludes. “But if it were Xander I’d let him get hit!” He rushes out to maintain his tough facade.

“Oh, of course, certainly,” I agree, snickering at his sternness.

There’s a comfortable silence between us as Spike finishes his cigarette and I sip on my drink. Then, out of nowhere, Spike pops off like a rocket, causing me to jump a little. Evidently, he’s been going over the events of the conflict with the boys.

“I just don’t get why people get their knickers in a twist about some things?!” He complains to me. “And it changes with every bloody decade! One minutes it pre-martial sex and every other woman being called a harlot! That was real a drag for many centuries, let me tell ya! I couldn’t shag a girl without her panicking after! I was going through villages like I was on a damn pilgrimage! Then, a lot of the focus was shot at the gays for a couple decades following Stonewall and AIDS! I was in New York for that whole thing and people were down right bonkers! And the same people who were so pissy about it also blasted Freddie Mercury and Elton John from their boomboxes! Bet it came as a real shock to them when those closet doors swung open!”

Resting my chin my hand, I just listen to him rant and sip on my drink.

He goes on, “it’s just a load of bollocks how you humans are so quick to attack one another! It leaves us vampires and demons with little work to do! Most of the time, we just sit back and watch the bloody shit show!”

An amused grin appears across my lips as the decades old vampire bitches about closed-minded humans. He’s preaching to the choir here.

“For thirteen years everyone was up in arms about alcohol! Alcohol!” He repeats, peering at me with raised brows. “Of all things! So, for thirteen fucking years we had to hide and sneak around because a group of Jesus loving women decided alcohol was the reason their husbands didn’t like them! Well, I have a hunch that it might of been their constant nagging and preaching!”

He pants, catching his breath after his tangent. Honestly, it was quite amusing. I hope he has more.

“My point is Y/N, if I’ve learned anything from my many years on this planet, it’s that humanity constantly evolving along with the world. In this point in time, you’re who you’re meant to be,” he tells me as he fidgets with the paper from his straw. “Only you can define who that is and fuck anyone who tries to do it for you. Be yourself, people will learn to fucking deal.”

I sit quietly, processing his words and wait to see if there’s more. Then, he meets my gaze for the first time since his tangent.

“Would... would you mind if we just sit here, have a few drinks maybe?” He requests. “Those nitwits have me all moody.”

I struggle to hide the smile that’s forcing itself across my lips. “I’d like that.”

For the remainder of the night, Spike and I sit at the bar. We talk about a ridge range of topics from my major to his life before vamping out. I try imagining Spike as William the poet, it doesn’t quite work out in my head. He tells me some funny stories about his experiences during Woodstock, and we laugh about them for a good hour or two. It’s unspoken between us, but it’s evident that this is the start of a real friendship.

__________________________________________________

Masterlist

Tags: @mx-pibbles

#spike x reader #spikexreader #spike #spike x buffy #spike fanfic #spuffy #buffy s5 #buffy summers #buffy #buffy the vampire slayer #buffy the vampire slayer imagine

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revchainsaw · 4 years ago

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The Crow (1994)

Alright Cult of Cult. Do I really need to introduce this one? Let's get all 90s and gothy and maybe brace ourselves for a bit of cringe, but like in a fun way. It's the Holy Grail of Hot Topic, 1994's the Crow Starring Brandon Lee.

Sermon

Apparently before the auto industry totally crashed Detroit was already a total fucked to death pile of burning shit, or at least that's what the crow would have you believe. Sorry Bruce Campbell, and other people from Detroit, but mostly Bruce Campbell. According to the Crow the city of Detroit is the kind of place where gangs of warlock anarchist arsonists will bomb buildings, and murder and rape whoever they feel like and then walk around bragging about it the next day with absolutely zero consequences. Funny then that if Detroit was so bad they had to go to film this movie in Wilmington North Carolina which is definitely a fucked to death pile of burning shit. I can say that, I'm from there and I got the fuck out. My brother is going to kill me if he ever reads this. (It's okay, these are all jokes people). Did you know they also filmed the Super Mario Bros movie there ... also cuz they needed a really shitty looking distopia. Moving on ...

The ludicrous criminality of the Crow's Detroit is particularly on display on Halloween. In Detroit (apparently) Halloween is known as Devils Night and it's legitimately just a night of pure lawlessness and chaos and kids aren't even safe to get candy, except later when we do see trick or treaters. Eric Draven, hunky goth rocker who sort of looks like he could be Bruce Lee's Kid and his fiance are murdered by a gang of vicious criminals. One year hence, Eric is resurrected by a mystical crow (that is actually a Raven), to exact his revenge on the gang that murdered him.

He paints his face like sad Alice Cooper and refuses to listen to Joy Division, just covers. He murders Tin Tin (a knife guy) just for his long gothy duster, he murders Fun Boy and forcibly ejects heroine from her arms and tells her "Go be a good mom now" which actually works. (have I told you about our Lord and Savior Sting? He gave me the strength to get off drugs), he blows T Bird up dick first, and then comes for Skab? Scraap? Scooby? in a meeting of all of Detroits villains and just about kills them all.

He is supported by the most 90s little girl to have ever graced the screen, and I am here for it, and Officer Albrecht, who's played by Ernie Hudson but I like to call him Zeddemore: The Most Underrated Ghostbuster. The leader of the bad guys, who I cannot beleive wasn't played by Brad Dourif or Tom Waits, is pretty interested in the occult. He keeps his witchy girlfriend around and she makes him fun dishes like smoked eyeballs, and her main use is that she knows that the Crow is the Crows weakness. They set Tony Fucking Todd on the bird, and I guess you just have to hurt the bird and not kill it, and Eric loses his healing factor and other macabre undead powers.

The Crow, Jimmy the Raven, pecks out Dr. Girlfriends eyeballs, I honestly forget how Tony Todd gets offed, and Top Dollar gets Gargoyled (that is impaled on a gargoyle). Funnily enough that is more Gargoyle related impaling on screen then in the actual movie Gargoyle: Wings of Darkness where a Gargoyle is supposed to have impaled a guy.

The Benediction

Best Feature: Injustice League

In the Crow we have not only a set of super memorable villains but they are played by the bad guy all stars. John Polito as the most lowly of the bad guys as a kind of sleazy pawn shop owner who buys ill gotten gains. Tony Todd, who's size is really on display here, the freaking Candy Man is in this movie. T Bird is the head of Top Dollars goons and is played by David Patrick Kelly, you might know as the "Warriors Come Out and Play!!" bottle guy from the Warriors, or as Jimmy Horne from Twin Peaks, and of course Top Dollar himself is played by Michael Wincott. Wincott is not a particularly celebrated actor but has played villains effectively in Robin Hood, the Three Musketeers, and Dead Man.

Best Set Piece: Detroit Style Hot Dogs

The Set design of the Crow is perhaps one of it's most fantastic features. It's very moody and ethereal. It's just real enough to not take you out of the film, but fantastic enough to set mood and theme above realism. From Eric Draven's apartment, to the church where the final battle occurs they are all fantastic. I think that's why I really wanted to shine the spot light on a very minor set piece that would get nary a mention but just as effectively represents the qualities I was just talking about and that is the Maxi Doggs Hot Dog Stand, where a lot of the films exposition for audience surrogates takes place.

Worst Effect: Freeze Frame

At a few points in the movie the film makers made a strange decision to do these freeze frame transitions. I only noticed it twice in the movie where it was particularly stupid. I'm sure the film makers at the time thought it was a moody and atmospheric choice that highlighted the suffering that Eric Draven was going through, but it didn't age well. If you don't have the sensibilities of a goth girl from 1994 then it's very very hard not to laugh at just how self involved the movie is about it's super sadness.

Worst Feature: Tragic Accident

Solely based on the film itself, it is that very gothic and dated sensibility that hurts the Crow. The little sarcastic dance he does when he flees the police, quoting Edgar Allen Poe, and bowing to Albrecht. These affected behaviors that I'm sure seemed snarky and right on to the target audience only serve to make Eric Draven seem like an unbearable neck beard edgelord and not the troubled dark soul he's supposed to be. I'm sure at the time it seemed unique and gothy but that shit went out of style for good reason, people could see through it. It's a shame that the Crow himself was some of the cringiest parts of this movie now that I'm seeing it as an adult and not a 13 year old middle class boy with no real problems.

This however is not the low point of the movie. It's not news now and if you're reading some dudes review of The Crow on Tumblr then you probably already know the story. The worst thing about The Crow is that Brandon Lee was horrifically killed on set while filming this movie due to some negligible prop malfunctions. A series of unfortunate events that lead to the actor spending 6 hours in surgery fighting for his life before eventually passing. It was not a quick or painless death and it's really impossible to watch the movie without an appreciation for the fact that this kind of fun dark adventure was going to be a vehicle for Brandon Lee's career wound up taking his life. He was 28. I really wish I could have just bitched about the goofy goth stuff and moved on, but that's not the world we live in.

Best Effect: The Gargoyling

Maybe I should have called this best kill. But I'm not sure which it is. The slaying of Top Dollar at the Climax of the film was just super effective. The pointed wings impaling his chest and that horn coming out of his mouth, it was morbid and excellent and just fit the tone of the movie perfectly. I mean how many other movies can you say Cause of Death: Impaled on a Gargoyle.

Best Bird: The Raven

I tried very hard to look up the name of the bird that primarily performed in this movie and could not find anything. There was a Raven once upon a time called Jimmy the Raven, but that was in the 50s and I don't think birds live that long. There was a team of Ravens performing as the crow, they were chosen over crows for their larger size, and more imposing silhouettes. I just think it's so wonderful to see these often maligned birds get a chance to show off their talents. Corvids of all kinds are incredibly intelligent creatures. Im a sucker for animals, if you haven't already figured that out. I really liked seeing the ravens hit their marks, particularly the one whos job it was to drop the wedding ring into Sarah's hand at the end of the film. You can see that greedy little bastard do his trick and then look of camera at his trainer like "treat please!". It's very cute.

Best Actor: Top Dollar Performance

I'd love to take this opportunity to just put praise upon Brandon Lee, he truly gave everything for this role, but unfortunately with what was put to film we actually have very few character moments with Eric Draven. Stuff happens to him, and he does killings and fights. There's definitely some personality, but I felt like I walked away knowing almost nothing about who Eric Draven was. He was clearly a good dude but that and a few hobbies and a relationship and you don't really have a character yet. He's unfortunately not given a lot of acting to do, instead just relegated to stunts and action sequences. That were notably cool.

The bad guys in the Crow have a lot more character and among this who's who of character actors, Michael Wincott takes the cake. Hell he was standing next to Candyman himself, Tony Todd and still stealing the scenes.

Best Character: A Few Good Apples

Is the best character in The Crow really going to be the cop? The commissioner Gordon stand in? yeah, it is. Not to be political, but I don't like cops, but I guess in a world with magical birds and eyeball smoking I can suspend my disbelief and let Ernie Hudson be #1 cop dad. His character is really the heart of the film, since all Eric can do is brood and fight, we have to care about someone in this movie.

Best Sequence: Halloween Party

The best sequence of the movie is of course the scene where Eric Draven busts in on the Devil's Night party planning commission. I think Top Dollar brought Scrappy Doo there just so he could lure out the crow, knowing the baddest assholes in all of Detroit would be gathered it was likely that somebody was going to kill the beast, or if they couldn't at least Top Dollar could get a feel for his enemy. It's a bullet flying action sequence with a ton of weight. I can't put my finger on this all to common weightless third act problem that big budget super hero and action flicks have nowadays, but whatever that issue is, the Crow does not have that issue. From this point on the Climax feels earned and I am invested. For that reason, The Crow is honestly better in spite of its awkwardness, than many of the super hero movies out today.

Worst Sequence: My Guitar Gently Weeps

Speaking of brooding or fighting. The best sequence was fighting, the worst is brooding. I get that Eric was in a band or something, but didn't he have shit to do. It seemed like it was a cool idea for a shot, but for like a whole seen, watching somebody play an 80s guitar solo, that stood out so brazenly from the choices of music in the rest of the movie was extra corny. It felt like someone's( dad trying to relate to their kid. Oh you like Music. The Dresden Dolls eh? Oh man, then you're going to love Slash's Snake Pit!

Summary

The Crow is dated. It is iconic but I wonder how many of the people that hang that poster on the wall have watched that movie since they were kids. It's interesting how what i've liked and disliked about this film have changed so much sense I was a kid. It's a cheeseball fiesta. If you have matured at all beyond thinking that being sad is the same as being deep then you're going to like it a little less than you did when you were younger, but it is still solid. There's not much to hate on. I'd watch it over and over again. I was really afraid it would not hold up at all, but returning to The Crow was a completely positive experience.

Overall Grade: B

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hard-boiled-criminal · 4 years ago

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Planetary Magick: 2

(Twisted wonderland x reader)

Masterlist

_______________________

Unedited

“Yeah…charming.” Apparently, by ‘charm,’ the headmaster meant ‘dilapidated and might have asbestos.’

An old Iron fence surrounded the perimeter, the bars mangled and twisted, as if something rammed into it over and over at each possible section of fence. You could only hope that whatever did that was no longer here. Unsurprisingly, the fencing was rusted in many places and had dead vines draped around them, no doubt having tried to survive on the fence but to no avail. What stood out as odd to you though, was the gate: it had an intricate design reminiscent of the black skeletal structure of a stained-glass window. Though it was odd to see these graceful curves and patterns on the gate compared to the arrow-headed fencing, it was something else that put you off. The gate itself was in pristine condition—no rust or dents whatsoever. You noticed an old, rusted padlock on the ground nearby, which was most likely used to seat the gate once upon a time, but that only lead to more confusion about why only the gate was so well taken care off.

The grounds themselves were mostly barren, save for a few vertical hedges and some dead trees. The dorm building itself sat atop the small hill and was in pretty bad shape. All the windows had been sloppily boarded up and patches of shingles were missing from all over the roof.

“Right, right,” Crowley brushed off your comment and lead you up the stone stairs towards the dorm. “Please come inside.”

‘Maybe it’s not that bad on the inside?’

Scratch that, you felt like the guy on the receiving end of “Sike! That’s the wrong number!” You didn’t think it could get even worse, but the interior proved you wrong. It was a complete mess inside; furniture stained and overturned, firewood and books scattered everywhere, cobwebs and spiderwebs in every nook and cranny, paintings and pictures either crooked on the wall or on the ground. The wallpaper was peeling at the seams with patches missing all over, and one of the wall sconces was completely broken, both the lightbulb and glass cover missing. And while the floorboards looked okay, there was no doubt in your mind that some of them were definitely rotted and would collapse under your weight in a heartbeat.

You turn and blankly stare at the headmaster. Did he really believe these were suitable living conditions? You were almost positive there was mold in this run-down dorm, and who knows which ones pose a threat to you since you’re an alien? “Does OSHA not exist here or something?”

“I’m sorry, but I do not believe I have heard of this ‘oh-shuh,’” Crowley replied, sounding honest.

“The Occupational Safety and Health Administration?” You got a blank look from Crowley. You sighed, “figures…” ‘Note to self: learn how to establish a government-funded fantasy OSHA so you can pile Crowley with violation fines. Or at least threaten him with them so he’ll fix up the damn place.’

“Staying here will at least keep you out of the rain,” he rushed to get his sentences out. Maybe he got nervous when he heard you say ‘safety and health?’ “I’m going back to do more research. Make yourself at home. Don’t go wandering around the school! Goodbye!” With that, Crowley rushed out the door in a hurry.

‘Well fuck. First order of business: cleaning up lest I die of never-ending sneezing fits.’ You were only able to get all the furniture upright before it started to rain, making you lose all focus and run to peak out a window, trying to get a good angle to see the rain, and hopefully lightning, through the boards.

You’ve always loved the sounds of rain and thunder. More importantly, there was finally something normal. Hearing the rain pattering against window and seeing the occasional flashes of lighting in the distance relaxed you. Out of habit, you counted the seconds between the lightning and thunder to estimate how far away it was. You counted eight seconds before you heard the low rumbling of thunder.

You sighed, content, before you remembered, “It’s storming! I can collect storm water!” You ran to the first door you saw and flung it open to see what looked to be a kitchen. Excited to finally get a round of good luck, you searched through the cabinets, grabbing any jars and bowls you could find. You found a total of three glass jars, which you removed the lids from, and two large bowls. You stacked the bowls and placed the jars as best as you could inside the top bowl before heading back out the front door. You walked out from the covered entrance into the rain and placed the containers along the side of the stone path so they wouldn’t be in the way. The rain started to fall heavily, forcing you to run back inside before you were completely drenched. Luckily, the large hooded cloak you wore kept you dry for the most part. You carefully pulled off the partially-singed wet coat and draped it across the back of the rocking chair you righted earlier to dry.

��Hyii! It’s really coming down!”

Startled, you snapped your head to face the direction the voice came from, only to be met with that same bakeneko (monster cat) that tried to incinerate you.

“Gyahaha! You’ve got this stupid look on your face like a spider being attacked by a water gun!” The bakeneko cackled at you. They must have snuck in when you set out the bowls and jars. “I’ll have no trouble sneaking back into school. If you think getting thrown out is gonna make me give up on getting in, you’ve got another thing coming!”

“Mm, well good luck little bakeneko. It might help to not set the school on fire,” you gave them some helpful advice.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. All that matters is that I get into this school,” the bakeneko brushed off your words. “Afterall, I’m a genius who is destined to be a great magician! I've been waiting for the Ebony Carriage to come pick me up. But... But... Hmph! The Dark Mirror just doesn't have an eye for this. So that's why I came here on my own. Not letting me in would be a loss for the world; humans just don't get it.”

“Well, I have to agree with you on the Dark Mirror part. Afterall, it decided to kidnap me, and I can’t do any of that flash-bang-boom magic you’ve been throwin’ around.” ‘But I can do other magick… I wonder if they have my kind of magick here… I’ll have to do some research later…’

“Wha? You can’t use magic? Pfft! You’re useless!” The bakeneko shrieked as a drop of water fell on him through the ceiling. “So cold! The roof is leaking!” He didn’t move out of the way before another drop hit him. “Fgyaa! It keeps coming! My adorable ear fire is gonna go out at this rate!”

‘Instant karma, bitch.’ You sighed, “I guess I’ll go get one of the bowls.”

“Magic should fix this leak up real quick, but you don’t got any.”

“Yeah, yeah, I can’t make things go boom, I get it. If you’ve got such a problem with the leak, why don’t you fix it yourself, bakeneko?” You said over your shoulder as you walked to the door to collect one of the bowls from outside.

“Huh? Help you? No way! I’m just a regular monster staying in a rainy place. You better get a can of tuna ready before I do any work.”

You shrugged. “Fine. Suit yourself.” You felt a drop of water land on your head this time. ‘Looks like I’ll need to get both of the bowls.’ You grabbed your damp cloak from the rocking chair and quickly threw it on before running outside towards the bowls. They had already collected about half a centimeter of storm water, and not wanting to waste it, you poured the contents of the bowls into the closest jar. Sprinting back inside, you first placed the bowls down at your feet so you could quickly peel off your now-soaked cloak and hang it back on the rocking chair. You placed the bowls under what looked to be the worst leaks in the lounge area. ‘I wonder if there’s a cleaning bucket or something in a closet somewhere.’

“Yo, I’m gonna go see if they’ve got a bucket somewhere,” you notified the bakeneko, not getting an answer, as expected.

You peered over into a nearby hallway, suddenly much more nervous as you stared down the long, dark hallway. ‘This feels like a horror game and I hate it.’ You tentatively took a step forward, and then another. You made it about five slow steps in before the floor loudly squeaked under your weight. ‘I just had an interesting thought: Actually, fuck this.’ You spun on your heel with false bravado, your entire body now tense. As you stiffly walked back towards the lounge, you froze in place as you felt the familiar tingle of eyes watching you. ‘Okay. Don’t look back. Just. Just keep walking. Put one foot in front of the other.’

It turns out it didn’t matter if you looked back or not because three ghosts suddenly appeared in front of you. They… didn’t look how you’d expect ghosts to look like. These ones looked more… cartoonish. They weren’t half as scary-looking as some of the monsters you’d seen in Scooby-Doo.

One of the ghosts giggled while the other two spoke, “We haven’t had a guest in so long…” Said one.

“I’m itching for some action,” said the other.

“Yeah, no, I’ll pass. I’ve had enough excitement for one day, thanks,” their completely underwhelming appearance circumvented practically all your initial fear, leaving you with only pure exhaustion. You didn’t have much of a filter in this state, but you didn’t really give two shits about what you said when you were tired anyway.

“Why are you talking to yourself…” the bakeneko walked around the corner and stopped dead in his tracks. “Gyaaa! G-g-g-g-ghooosts!”

Looked like someone was afraid of the cartoon ghosts.

“The people living here got scared of us and left,” a ghost explained.

“We’ve been looking for more ghost pals,” another spoke. “How about you guys?”

“Deadass? Fuckin’ go for it.”

The ghosts and bakeneko looked a bit shocked that you blatantly agreed to let them kill you to turn you into a ghost.

“Wow, you guys aren’t up to date on humor, are you?”

The bakeneko was the first to snap out of disbelief and shouted, “Grim, the Great Magician, isn’t scared of some ghosts!”

‘Heh, I ain’t afraid of no ghost.’ You had to mentally remind yourself to not start humming the ghost busters theme.

Grim, as you now learned his name was (you think), spewed more of that bright blue fire, completely missing all of the ghosts.

“Where are you aiming?” The ghosts mocked him and laughed. “Over here, over here!”

“Shoot! Stop disappearing!” Grim uselessly shouted at them and continued to be a living flamethrower.

“My mans, please, stop. At this rate there’ll be no dorm left to keep us dry.”

“Shut up! Don’t try to give me orders!”

“…I’m too tired to deal with this shit anymore. Fine. I’ll get you a can of tuna if you win without burning the house down.” You mumbled the first part before speaking to Grim.

“Wah? Mm, I-I’m a genius. I won’t let one—” Grim tried to keep his stubborn pride but was interrupted by the ghosts’ mocking laughter. “Bunch of cowards, ganging up on us!”

“Two cans. Take it or leave it.”

Your new offer seemed to change Grim’s tune in a heartbeat. “Hey, you! Tell me where the ghosts are!”

“’Kay. On your left,” Grim followed your orders and managed to singe one of the ghosts with his flames.

“I hit it!” Grim shouted, now sounding excited. “Alright, let’s chase them all outta here!”

Cue you shouting directions at Grim and him spewing fire in said directions. In all honesty, it felt like a pokemon battle. Except your pokemon was a talking cat with a holier-than-thou attitude. And you were fighting actual ghosts—not ghost type pokemon—actual previously-living-human ghosts. After a few minutes of Grim burning the ghosts, however that worked, they eventually fled the scene of your would-be murder.

“E-eh? We…won?” Grim spoke with the disbelief of someone who has never won in life before.

“Yup. Good job bakeneko Grim.”

“Ha-heee, that was scar—No, I wasn’t scared at all!” Oh Grim, what caused you to act like your pride is what matters the most? “This is nothing for the Great Grim! How ‘bout that, ghosts? You done?”

“Hey, don’t taunt them, bakeneko. If they come back, I’m not giving you directions.”

“Why do you keep calling me ‘bakeneko?’ What’s that even mean?”

“Mm, it’s because you’re like a bakeneko. They’re mononoke, yokai, that resemble cats,” Grim looked ready to protest, but you continued before he had the chance, “and are extremely powerful. If you anger a bakeneko, your chances of getting out alive are slim to none.”

“Hmmph, well, I suppose The Great Grim will allow you to call him by such a title.”

Before you could continue to talk about bakeneko and other mononoke or yokai, Crowley came in through the front door just as you and Grim made it back to the lounge.

“Good evening,” he greeted. “I have graciously brought you supper.” That’s when he noticed Grim beside you. “You’re the monster that ran amuck during the entrance ceremony! I threw you out of the school! What are you doing here?”

“Hmph! I exterminated the ghost problem! Be grateful!” Grim puffed out his chest as he spoke, continuing to act high and mighty.

“Hmm? What do you mean by that?”

“…There were ghosts here that wanted to turn us into ghosts,” you blandly explained to the headmaster.

“Now that you mention it, there were some prankster ghosts living here so students keep away from this dormitory. And that's why it is now empty. I'd forgotten that.”

You half-heartedly glared at the headmaster. ‘Oh, how convenient. You put up the broke alien in a haunted house with killer ghosts that you just so happened to forget about.’

“However, hmmmm…” Crowley either didn’t notice or acknowledge your glare. “For you two to work together to get rid of them.”

“I'm not gonna overlook that "together" comment. They were just standing there watching. And I did this for a can of tuna—Ah! I haven't gotten that tuna yet!” Grim spoke, still holding on tight to that attitude of his.

‘Grim, I swear to whatever deities rule this place that you aren’t gonna get those cans of tuna if you keep up this habit of pushing others down to raise yourself up.’

“I'd like the two of you to show me how you exterminated those ghosts.”

‘Crowley, no—'

“But we already got rid of all the ghosts! Before that: Give. Me. Tuna!” Oh Grim, so we can agree sometimes!

“I shall be the ghosts. If you beat me, I'll give you tuna cans. For I am gracious.”

“Uh, no, wait, Mr. Crowley, please—”

“Now then, Transformation Potion!” Crowley pulled a vial of liquid from his coat and downed it in one go. It didn’t take long for him to become transparent and ghost-like.

“Eeeeeeeh, I don't wanna. This is a pain and I have to team up with them again…” Grim whined.

You let out a heavy sigh. “Bakeneko, maybe if you show him how strong your magic is, he’ll let you be a student.”

“Grrrnnuuu,” Grim grumbled, annoyed. “This is the last time! You absolutely, absolutely have to give me the tuna!”

And you found yourself in a pokemon battle once more; this time, it was you and a bakeneko versus an actual living breathing person that can turn into a ghost.

‘If it’s a pokemon battle, might as well use pokemon rules.’ You pointed at the see-through headmaster, “Grim, bite him!”

“Hah? You really are a stupid human!” Grim shouted and spewed fire instead, though he missed like before.

“Fine, we’ll use your fire, but I’m explaining the pokemon system to you later. On your left!”

Turns out, pokemon battles can get boring when it’s just the same thing over and over again. Eventually, it seemed the effects of the potion wore out and Crowley returned to his usual opaque self.

“Hee-haaa…” Grim was panting, trying to catch his breath. “How 'bout that!”

“I can't believe… There is a person who can command monsters,” Crowley spoke in mild awe mixed with disbelief.

‘…Does this world not have pokemon? Should I?... No, I shouldn’t… but what if—what if I introduced myself as Gary Oak and just… no I can’t do that. I can’t tell people “smell ya later.”’

“Hmmm... Actually, my teacher senses were telling me since the uproar during the entrance ceremony that you have talent as an animal or wild beast trainer.”

‘…This man is really making this a cliché pokemon plot… Is this how it all started? Am I the original trainer!? Nah… Unless—’

“But, no matter how…” Crowley began muttering to himself, to quiet for me to make out.

“Hey, just let him stay here,” you were exhausted at this point and the bakeneko had honestly grown on you some. Plus, you needed him around in order to explain pokemon to him.

“What now? Let a monster live here?” You couldn’t see Crowley’s face behind the mask, but you were sure he was giving you a judging look.

“Well, I mean, he did just show you the magic he’s got, which is a whole lot more than I’ve got, and you’re letting me stay here. So why not let him stay? He still a magician, he’s just, well, in the shape of a cat.”

After a few seconds, Crowley sighed, “It can’t be helped.”

“Funa!? Really?!” Grim’s eyes widened and lit up as bright as his flames.

“However, I can't simply allow someone, let alone a monster, into school who wasn't selected by the Dark Mirror. Also, I can't let you be a freeloader here until you return to your own world.”

“Talk about short-lived joy…”

“Listen until the end,” Crowley then turned to you. “Concerning the fact that your soul was called here, the school has to take responsibility as the owners of the Dark Mirror. For the time being, you'll be permitted to stay in this dormitory for free, but other necessities you will have to provide for yourself.”

‘Uhhh what? I don’t even have my own clothes. How the hell am I supposed to live with no money or ID?’

“Seeing as you have nothing to your name,” he gave a slight chuckle for reasons unknown, “here is my proposition.”

Your mind immediately jumped to all the horror stories you’ve heard of what comes from owing shady people favors. The growing panic must have shown on your face according to Crowley’s next words.

“No need to fret, I'll have you do maintenance and odd jobs around campus. From what I can see, you're pretty decent at cleaning,” he said after glancing around the room. “Would you two like to become the "handyman" of the school? This way you will receive special permission to remain on school grounds. You'll also be able to research going home or study whatever you desire in the library. For I am gracious. However! Only after your work is done.”

“Eeeh!? I'm not okay with that!” Grim complained. “I wanna wear that fancy uniform and be a student!”

“It's fine if you're unsatisifed. I'll simply toss you out again.”

“Ffgnnaa!? I get it! I just have to do it. Just do it!”

“’Kay.”

“Wonderful,” Crowley clapped his hands once in delight of our agreeance. “Then, you two starting tomorrow, endeavor to be the best handyman at Night Raven College!”

“Cool, now that that’s settled, headmaster,” he turned to face you. “I’m, like, about to pass out from pain. I’m covered in bruises and burns, plus my vision is blurry and I can’t focus on anything. My eyes are like a camera lens that twenty children smeared their greasy fingers on. You’re magical in that flashy, immediate results way, right? Doesn’t that mean you or someone else can help me not feel like I want to peel off my skin? It’d be cool for my skin to not burn when I get cleaning solution on it tomorrow.”

“Oh, uh, yes, of course,” Crowley almost seemed sheepish, as if he were embarrassed to have not truly noticed the state you were in until now. “While healing magic is not my forte, it should be enough to heal the wounds you have.”

He pointed his palmed towards you and you watched as it began to glow a pale yellow. Slowly you felt your burns and bruises dull themselves to just faint aches. He kept this up for about a minute before he extinguished his magic and pulled his hand back.

“Now, the worst of your wounds are still be a bit tender, but they should be completely healed after a good night’s rest. So, off you go then; sleep now so you’re ready for work in the morning,” He shooed you off with a hand gesture.

“Thank you, headmaster. C’mon Grim, let’s get going.”

As you and Grim headed up the stairs, the headmaster turned around and walked out of the building. Each step creaked under your weight as you trudged up them. While the pain was all but gone, your fatigue was still all-consuming. You followed Grim down the upper hallway, since it seemed he already picked a room before, probably when you went to find a bucket. You followed him into a room in a similar condition as the rest of the dorm. Across from the door sat a fireplace in the center of the opposite wall, a large mirror mounted above it. There were tall windows stationed on either side of the fireplace, almost as tall as the room itself. Towards the left side was a chair covered by a gray dust-cloth, and on the right sat a simple twin-sized bed. You pulled the duvet off the bed and shook it out, watching as you made a cloud of dust dance in the air. As soon as you placed the comforter back on the bed, Grim jumped up and curled himself up in the center of the bed. You were too tired to do anything about that; you’d just have too try and sleep around him. After shaking any dust off of your pillow, you slid yourself under the covers, one leg dangerously close to sliding off the bed. You fell asleep in record time that night.

. . .

You had a rather rude awakening the next morning consisting of Grim yelling at you and pawing at your face because the ghosts were back. Streams of blazing blue fire almost singeing your face made this one of your worst morning experiences to date. With a final warning of there being a one-sided prank war, the ghosts phased away.

“We’ll get rid of you eventually!” Grim shouted after them, but there was nothing but thin air left.

“C’mon, bakeneko. Let’s go see if there’s any food in the kitchen,” You beckoned Grim with a small wave.

“Hmph. Fine. But there better be tuna!” Grim said with a harrumph and trotted out the door ahead of you.

As you went down the stair at the end of the hallway, you saw Crowley standing in the lounge room, waiting for you and Grim.

“Good morning, you two,” he greeted when he noticed you. “Did you sleep well?”

“I was sprawled out then fell out the bottom! Just how ramshackle did you let this place get?” Grim shouted, equally as upset about the state of the dorm as you were. “Then the ghosts woke me up, this is the worst!”

“Like the dead,” was your response.

“Even though you just got tossed from another world you can still be cheeky, wonderful!” Crowley was as upbeat as ever. “I came to speak to you about your work for today. Today you are to clean the campus, but campus is quite large. Cleaning it all without magic is impossible. So, I'd like you to clean Main Street to the main gate to the library, understood? Please watch Grim closely so he doesn't cause a scene like yesterday.”

“I’ll try best,” you said and shrugged. You didn’t know what you’d do if Grim went out of control; you’re not fireproof, after all.

“I'm counting on you. You have permission to have lunch in the school cafeteria. Take care of your work enthusiastically,” and with a flutter of his feathered cape, Crowley took his leave, presumably going back to campus.

“Tsk, no way I'm doing any cleaning,” Grim scrunched his nose at the thought. “I wanna go to class and, bang! Boom boom boom! Use a bunch of awesome spells!” He punched at the air with his ‘booms.’

“How ‘bout we just go to the library after we finish cleaning. Besides, libraries are where they keep all the old forbidden knowledge!” Yeah, under lock and key so no one can read them, but you weren’t about to tell Grim that. “Imagine just how much the other students will revere your power if you master ancient magic!”

“Well, what are you waiting for, human? Let’s get going!”

“Okay but let me collect my storm water first. If I wait too long, it’ll all evaporate.”

“Hmph, fine, but make it quick!”

You quickly jogged over to your bowls and jars that each held a good two inches/five centimeters worth of storm water. You poured all the water you collected into one of the jars before carrying everything back inside. You set them all down on the kitchen counter, then checked the cabinets for a lid to the jar. After finding a lid and sealing the storm water in the corresponding jar, you met back up with Grim in the lounge.

“Alright, let’s get moving.”

“About time,” Grim sauntered off, sass radiating from him with each step.

. . .

The campus was bustling with life, students with hair every color of the rainbow going every which way. After a couple minutes of walking towards what you hoped was Main Street, the crowds began to thin out, students having made it to their respective classes. It wasn’t all that hard to find Main Street, seeing as it was the busiest and largest street on campus. What you weren’t expecting was the street to be lined with seven statues of iconic Disney villains.

‘I thought… I thought I was supposed to be on another planet or world or something? Why are there Disney Villains? Are you telling me that Walt Disney himself was able to expand his franchise across all of time and space?! And maybe across dimensions and alternate universes too?! Hey Walt? You’re taking it too far, man.’

“Uwaaaah~ Amazing. So, this is Main Street. I didn't get a good look yesterday but what's with these statues? All seven of them look pretty scary. This granny looks especially snobby,” Grim said, making a face at the Queen of Hearts.

“You mean the Queen of Hearts? Yeah, she played croquet with flamingos as the mallets and hedgehogs as the balls. While they were alive. Not cool if you ask me. Or most people. Animal cruelty is bad.”

“Ehh?! Why would this lady do that?” Grim looked appropriately confused.

“Who knows? Besides, the Cheshire cat is way better. A true chaotic neutral, that one.”

“Who’s that? And what does a cat have to do with this granny?”

You were about to answer before you were cut off by a new challenger approaching. “You don’t know about the Queen of Hearts?” They had a boyish appearance with short, messy orange hair and a red heart stamped over their left eye.

‘Actually, we were just about to discuss the Cheshire cat, but go ahead and assume, I guess.’

“You know her too? Is she important?” Grim asked the redhead, his attention easily being grabbed by this newcomer.

“In the past, she was the queen who lived in the Rose Maze. She was someone who valued rules and discipline above all, strict in all things from the march of the Card Soldiers to the color of rose bushes. It was a land of madness where all submit to her rule. Why you ask? Because or else it was off with your head!” The heart-eye boy monologued with some dramatic flair.

“That's terrifying!” Grim shrieked, probably at the thought of someone chopping his head off.

“It's cool! I like it. Nobody would listen to a queen who's just nice all the time, right?”

‘Uhhhh, that queen is a tyrant, and tyrants are what lead to revolutions so… vive la révolution.’

“I suppose. A strong leader is better.” Oh, Grim, you sweet summer child who doesn’t know the difference between strength and fear.

“By the way, who are you?” Grim asked.

“I'm Ace, a fresh-faced first year. Nice to meetcha~” The boy, Ace, said with a musical lilt.

“I am Grim, a genius who'll become the greatest magician. The dimwit over here is (y/n). They're my henchmen.”

“Bakeneko, don’t you dare put me on the same level as a Scooby-Doo villain’s underling.” You glared at Grim who gave a sheepish chuckle in response.

“You've got an odd sounding name.”

“People from different places have different names. It’s called culture.” You said blandly, trying to cover up your growing anxiety.

Ace shrugged. “I guess. Just never heard your name before.”

“Hey, Ace,” Grim grabbed his attention; you could feel your shoulders sag in relief. “The lion over here with the scar, are they famous?”

Well, Ace seemed to have this handled, and you didn’t need to hear him summarize the Disney villains. Instead, you ignored him and went over to the statue of Hades and looked at him.

‘If this confirms that Hades also exists in this world, does that mean I can work with him? I know many witches back on Earth work with Greek deities, with Hades and Persephone usually being the best of them to work with. Hmm… I’ll have to do some more research.’

You then crouched down to read the stone plaque engraved in Hades’ pedestal. The large plaque read: “The lord of the underworld and guide to the wandering souls of the dead. He carried out his fearsome duties with diligence and care, m…ing even the de…t to offer their aid.” Some words had eroded away, becoming mostly unintelligible sans a few letters.* You tried to make out those two unknown words, tracing your fingers around the grooves in hopes that just maybe you’ll be able to figure out enough of the letters to piece the word together.

“No matter how long you stare at it, you’re not gonna get anything out of that, y’know,” Ace said from behind you.

You sighed and stood up, your momentary reprieve from your anxiety over. “Well, it doesn’t hurt to check.” The plaque didn’t have any information you didn’t already know, except for maybe the words you didn’t know.

“Anyway,” Ace cleared his throat, “He's the Lord of the Underworld! He rules a land crawling with evil spirit on his own. No doubt he is extremely skilled. Even though he's got a scary face, he did that detestable job without ever taking a vacation, and his sincerity won over Cerberus, the Hydra, even the Titans, to fight for him.”

“Hmmm, Hmmm. So having talent doesn't mean you get to be haughty.” Grim hummed in thought.

‘Oh, my sweet tiny bakeneko, you’re learning about manners; I’m so proud.’

“And the last one, with the horns?”

‘Oh hell yeah, Maleficent! We stan an absolute queen. Besides, who doesn’t love dragons?’

“That is the Witch of Thorns from the Magic Mountains,” Ace said, addressing Maleficent with a title rather than her name. “Noble and elegant, even within the Seven, she is top class in magic and curses! She can summon lightning and storms, cover an entire country in thorns; her magic is on a whole other level. There was even a time she transformed into a huge dragon!”

“Oooh! A dragon! All monsters look up to them!” Grim shouted excitedly.

“They're all so cool~” Ace spoke, almost dreamily, before his tone did a 180 and turned snide. “…Unlike a certain raccoon.”

“Pfft... Ahaha! I can't bear it anymore! Ahahahaha!” Ace broke out into laughter. “Aren't you the guys who went crazy at the entrance ceremony? You were summoned by the Dark Mirror even though you can't use magic, and you, a monster, weren't called but still trespassed. Yeahhh, it took everything I had not to lose it at the ceremony.”

“Whaaa!? You're a rude one!” Grim fumed, his ear fire growing in size.

You just stood there and narrowed your gaze, your anger and anxiety fighting each other for full reign. Anxiety won out in the end, keeping you silent when met with his jabs.

“And now you aren't allowed in and got regulated to be a janitor? Haha, how lame,” Ace continued mocking the both of you.

‘It’s not like I had a choice in the matter…’ You clenched your jaw while Grim growled. You could feeling the anxiety bubbling in your stomach, beginning to rise.

“On top of that, you don't even know about the Great Seven,” Ace just didn’t know when to stop. “How ignorant can you be? As I recommend you go back to kindergarten before coming to Night Raven College.”

Grim’s growls got louder as Ace continued. You, on the other hand, couldn’t bring yourself to speak and defend either of you. You felt your throat begin to close up.

“I thought I'd just mess with you a bit, but you really blew my expectations away. Unlike you two, I actually have classes to attend. Keep this school squeaky clean, you two~” He gave you a patronizing wave before turning on his heel and sauntering away.

“This jerk! He's just gonna say that and leave! I'm ticked off!” Grim opened his mouth wide.

“Wait, don’t—” You weren’t fast enough to stop Grim from using flamethrower, for a lack of better terms, on Ace.

“Oh! Watch out! What're you doing!?” Ace angrily yelled at Grim, having just barely dodged in time.

“It's what you get for making fun of me! I'm going light up that fire-head of yours!” Grim matched Ace’s volume.

“Fire-head, huh? Heeeeee. You've really got guts picking a fight with me. I'll turn you into a puffy, little toy-poodle!”

Grim spewed more flames at Ace’s threat.

‘Nope, fuck this. Fuck this. I can’t breathe, dammit!’ You hid behind the nearest statue, which happened to be Maleficent, and kneeled on the ground, trying to steady yourself and calm down enough for your throat to reopen. You bent over to rest your head on the cool grass, closing your eyes and covering your ears, trying to block out the sources of your near attack. You focused on the feel of the grass against your forehead, feeling the separations between the different blades. They were still a bit damp from the morning dew. The more you distracted yourself from the thought of Ace: stressor of the century, the more your throat relaxed and allowed you to draw breath normally once more. You jumped when a shriek pierced through your ears, completely bypassing your hand barriers and reversing all the progress you made towards calming down. Worried that the shriek meant someone got hurt, you jumped out from behind the statue. Instead of someone being hurt, to your relief (you weren’t excited about being an accomplice to assault), the Queen of Hearts’ statue was blackened.

“Crap! The Queen of Hearts' statue is charred!” Ace yelled, the dread on his face matching the shriek you just heard from him.

“It's because you're blowing the fire around! Just let me fry you!” Grim shouted back at him.

“You really think someone is just gonna let you fry them?”

“Enough!!! Just what is going on here!” The voice of Crowley boomed at the three of you, making you flinch.

‘…Fuck,’ looks like you’re not going to be able to avoid an anxiety attack after all.

“Guh! Headmaster,” Ace went rigid.

“He's going to tie us up with the 'lash of love'!” Grim yelled. “Get outta here!”

Though they tried to run, both were caught by Crowley’s whip, foiling their escape plans and making them both yelp in pain.

“Hurts just as much the second day in a row!” Grim whined.

“This is my Lash of Love!” Crowley was furious, and it seemed like he wasn’t going to calm down anytime soon. “It'll be another hundred years before you can outrun me! I told you just yesterday to 'not cause any trouble', didn't I? Then you go and char the statues of the Great Seven!” He directed his words at Grim before turning to Ace. “I very much would like to see you expelled.”

“Wait! Not that!”

“And you,” Crowley looked at you, making you freeze in place. “This is not how you supervise Grim.”

You opened and closed your mouth like a fish out of water, unable to gather the breath to form a single word. How could you talk when you were struggling to even breathe?

“My goodness,” Crowley huffed in indignation before turning to Ace. “You, what's your grade and name?”

“Ace Trappola, first year.”

“Then, Trappola, Grim, and (y/n), as punishment, I order the three of you to wash 100 windows around campus!”

“Nyaaa!? It's all cause this joker was making fun of us!” Grim protested, his fur standing on end to make him look bigger and more intimidating. It didn’t work.

“Eeeh!? Me too?” Ace looked at the headmaster in disbelief.

“Most definitely! After school, meet in the cafeteria. Understood?”

“Fiiine…”

“Nothing but misery since yesterday!” Grim complained.

Soon, both Crowley and Ace left, and you felt your body slump in relief, your knees buckling under you.

“Wha—hey, human! What’re you doing?” Grim ran up to you, genuinely confused.

You held up a finger to say ‘gimme a minute’ while you caught your breath. “Sorry…Grim…” you said after a minute, panting between words.

“Why are you out of breath? It’s not like you were running or anything.”

“This…this just happens… sometimes…” you shifted from kneeling to sitting cross-legged, leaning against the statue of Maleficent behind you. “I’m not very good with yelling… or with people, for that matter.”

“Hmmm,” Grim hummed in thought. “You humans are weird.”

You gave a soft chuckle at that, “that we are, Grim. That we are.” The two of you sat there in silence for a minute or two as your attack gradually faded away. “Hey Grim? I have a proposition for you.”

“Hah? What do you mean human?”

“What if we skipped lunch so we can make Ace suffer a bit?”

“Heee! Now you’re talkin’ my language!” Grim grinned widely, showing of his shark-like teeth.

*That was all I could make out from the plaque you can see in the seven statues background image.

A/N: Life’s been pretty shit recently hasn’t it.

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henrikvanderswoon · 5 years ago

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MURDER AT TURQUOISE INN: A Nancy Drew Story Written by 10-year-old Yours Truly Readthrough

Alright, guys, you asked for it! It’s pouring down rain outside, I’ve grabbed some tea, I have my entire Nancy Drew game music track playlist going, and I’m ready to crack this s nutcase wide open.

Absolute ridiculousness below:

The fact that this story is titled “Murder at Turquoise Inn” is already sending me, and it has nothing to do with the fact that I spelled it terquoice on the cover page.

I also started this story out with a letter to Ned. God bless.

Dear Ned, Beth Robertson was murdered!

As if Ned (or anyone else) even knows who the fuck Beth Robertson is, Nancy.

I named the owner of the inn Tina Mulberry, and I think that was very sexy of me.

“I turned to do something, and when I came back, she was dead on the floor! I could tell because her heart wasn’t beating and she wasn’t breathing!”

I mean… that’ll do it, Tina. That’ll do it.

Oh, but she can’t prove anything now because she ran to get help and when she returned the body was fucking MISSING.

Bess throws a conniption fit every time someone says “Beth.”

“Oh, hello, Nancy,” she greeted.

“Hello,” Nancy greeted back.

That is some…some god-tier writing right there.

I really had no concept of space and time in fifth grade.

It was a huge room. Bigger than the cafeteria in Ned’s college.

Oh, was it?

A message from the author: Hey kiddos, if you’re snooping around in someone’s closet and you come across a completely conspicuous button just chilling on the wall, don’t press it.

The three girls came out of the closet.

Well, there you have it, folks. Nancy, Bess, and George are gay. Everyone’s gay. Even your cat is gay.

Tina has a niece named Lily who calls her Mrs. Mulberry. Also, Tina consistently neglects her work duties in favor of writing a screenplay at the front desk computer and I have no idea why.

The murderer is walking around leaving stupid messages with the drawing of a knife on them trying to curse everyone and I’m so confused. Where the hell was I going with this?

“I KNOW YOU SAW BETH DEAD, BUT IF YOU TELL ANYONE, A DEADLY CURSE WILL FALL UPON YOU.”

WHAT DOES THIS EVEN FUCKING MEAN?

The lines in this thing are really just peak writing:

George took off after him at a safe distance to avoid being seen. But BAD LUCK FOR HER, the man jumped into a car and drove off.

Someone sabotaged the girls’ rental car while they were away from the hotel, and this couple they literally just met are like: “I just remembered, we have an extra car that we don’t use. You could use that.” Who the fuck–?

Uh, oh. They got back to the hotel and found their own curse lying in Bess’ suitcase:

LAY OFF THE CASE, NANCY DREW. YOU MADE MRS. MULBERRY TELL YOU THE MURDER STORY. NOW THE CURSE IS UPON YOU TOO.”

This sounds like a ten-year-old wrote it… wAiT A MiNutE–

Literally nothing in this story explains what the curse would even do to them. I love myself.

The culprit: *leaves threatening messages warning people not to speak about the murder or they’ll be cursed*

Nancy:

“Oh, hello,” Jackson greeted.

“Hi,” Nancy said. “Say! Have you heard about the murder?”

I ALMOST SPAT OUT MY TEA.

Also:

“I’m going to the store to, um, get some stuff. Like food.”

“But there’s foot here.”

“I just want to BUY things, okay? You’re so NOSEY!”

Jackson stormed off, leaving Nancy astonished. That put him on her suspect list FOR SURE.

This is a literary gem.

The way the dialogue sounds in this thing…I mean you can just tell the only written media I had been consuming at that time was the 1930′s books.

“I think,” Nancy replied. “That tomorrow we should go to the place where I followed Jackson.”

Giving me Scooby-Doo vibes too.

The number of times Bess says something like, “Why, Nancy!” or “This is horrid!” really makes me want to turn this into a drinking game. Take a shot every time Bess speaks like Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz.

“Oh, fiddlesticks,” Bess exclaimed.

…

No comment.

Also, Nancy’s unadulterated sass my fifth-grade self gave her is both the worst and the best thing I’ve ever seen:

“But what if the house isn’t empty?” Bess asked.

“Bess, please. Ever heard of the word: S-N-E-A-K?”

I want to harpoon myself.

There’s an elaborate maze of tunnels running underground that connects the hotel to this sketchy house miles away. The characters consistently find themselves back there several times throughout the story and literally nothing about it makes any sense at all, nor is it ever explained.

“Man, that passageway confuses me,” said George.

Thank you, George, it confuses all of us.

I’m actually embarrassed about how many times I refer to the group of characters as a “threesome” or a “foursome” in this thing. It’s really just the worst.

The culprit purposefully leaves behind their real initials multiple times in this story and has the audacity to be surprised when they get caught at the end? Iconique™.

“I’m just a weird ol’ guy, Sweety-Cakes.”

Ned, are you okay? Was I okay when I wrote this?

Ned’s coming to visit, and he brings Burt and Dave with him and boy howdy did I forget about those two.

“This mystery sounds dangerous,” Burt remarked. “Shouldn’t you leave this case to the men?”

“I’d like to see you try,” Nancy fired back.

Yaaaassss, Queen. Get his ass.

Also the murderer has now resorted to hitting people with a driverless vehicle and I’m honestly convinced ten-year-old me was on drugs.

“Good! We were starting to get worried about you.”

“Oh, don’t worry about me. I…wait…wait, actually, worry about me!”

The line goes dead here because Lily’s car was uhhhh T-boned.

My only regret in this story is that the Hardy Boy’s are not here. Although, in hindsight, they’re probably lucky they didn’t get subjected to this shitshow.

Meanwhile, George thought maybe Bess had made a mistake and walk’s into the men’s bathroom. She walked in but found no one–well, except a bunch of screaming men.

I don’t even know what to say.

They went to see Lily in the hospital and Bess got hit by a driverless car in the fucking parking lot. WHAT KIND OF MADWOMAN WOULD WRITE THIS I CAN’T BREATHE.

That night, back at the hotel, Nancy gets lured out of the hotel and into the back forest behind it because someone’ s playing weird music and I’m just now realizing my child self had no idea what kind of theme to run with here (murder, hauntings, curses, GTA) so I just went with all of them at once.

“I could just destroy it,” Ned said as he studied the lock. “Stand back.” Backing up a few yards, he bolted for the cabin door and broke it down with a strong kick. “For Nancy!” he shouted.

HeR Interactive’s Ned could never.

So they find Nancy tied up in a cabin in the woods and, lo and behold there’s a trap door that LeADs InTo tHE UnDeRGroUnD TuNnEls. Who’da thunk?

And of course they find a journal written in code, and the code key just happens to have been left in the cabin.

“I’ve written this journal in code so if anyone finds it, they will not discover my secret. Okay, now that I’ve said that, here is my secret.”

This is the first line Nancy decodes. I’m…

Naturally, we find out that Beth Robertson was not dead, but just kidnapped (don’t even ask me how the fuck they got her body to appear dead…drugs?) and being held in the underground tunnels.

Because this makes perfect sense.

“You seem different. Your voice doesn’t sound the same and you’re a little shorter than you usually…” Tiffany trailed off. “You are Jackson, aren’t you?”

“No,” Ned said. “Thanks for asking.”

This is 100 times funnier without context so I’m not giving you any.

I don’t know about you guys, but if I was arranging a meeting with a colleague and they showed up in a ski mask and a hooded cloak, I’d be a little suspicious.

“But you’ re supposed to be delivering Nancy Drew poisonous flowers from her ‘boyfriend.’”

Oh my god this bitch pulls a gun on Ned and together the rest of the group (you know, the ones who haven’t been hit by a car) fucking go APESHIT on this woman’s ass. I CAN’T BREATHE.

And of course they find Beth tied up somewhere in the tunnels and get her to safety, and they learn that Bess and Lily are recovering well in the hospital and go to visit them and everything’s all bright and happy.

THE LAST LINE OF THE STORY HAS ME SCREAMING, THOUGH. To the point where I’m just gonna sign off here and leave you all with it.

“Man.” Lily looked sad. “I wish I hadn’t missed almost the whole thing.”

Bess spoke up. “I, on the other hand, am glad.”

#I just spend over two hours doing this and i have never felt more accomplished (how tf am i supposed to tag this??)#nancy drew #nd humor #the clue crew #i'm not even putting this in a 'my writing' tag fbsfnadnsdk #have fun guys #txt post #long post #like theres so much more i could have written but this is ridiculous enough haha

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xwaywardhuntress · 6 years ago

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Rock & Roll Mystery (Part One)

Summary: Round 2 of Scooby-doo featuring Y/N.

Pairings: Dean x reader, Fred x reader

Warnings: Based on the Scooby-Doo & KISS movie.

Word Count: 1700+

Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or Scooby-Doo. This is fanfiction only. Please do not redistribute my writings on other sites, horrible or not. Thanks!

“Guys, check this out.” Dean said as he walked into the kitchen of the bunker with a big goofy smile.

Y/N looked over at Sam from eating her cereal, raising a brow. Sam shrugged as he closed his laptop and got up to follow his brother to who knows where.

You sighed, getting up to follow after the two brothers yelling into the hallway. “This better be worth it Winchester! Those fruit loops ain’t going to eat themselves!”

Dean laughed a few paces ahead of her, “Don’t worry sweetheart, it’ll be worth it!”

“Welcome to the Batcave 2.0!” Dean exclaimed.

You popped your head in after both boys had walked in only to see a new and improved entertainment room. There was new lounge chairs, pointed out by Dean, and then a new television that had been propped up against the wall already. You walked over to one of the lounge chairs taking a seat. “Ooo...comfy.”

Dean walked over to your side, turning a lever on the chair which propped the bottom portion up, lifting your legs. He smirked as you snuggled into the chair. You wouldn’t admit it to Dean, but this chair made it slightly worth it as it was an upgrade from the last ones.

Dean continued to point out to Sam all the gadgets he had personally added, when a bright purple light consumed the room.

THUMP!

“Ow!” you expressed as you rubbed your bottom from an unexpected fall to a dirt ground after you had been sure you were just sitting on a chair. “What the hell was…” You stopped mid-sentence in disbelief of what you were seeing before you… everything was in cartoon form! “Uh, guys...I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore.”

“Ahhh! You’re a cartoon! I’m a cartoon!” Dean and Sam had seemed to realize at the same time as they spoke in unison. “Again!”

Y/N got up, dusting her clothes as she too looked at her cartoon hands and then at the boys. Surprisingly, you weren’t freaked out about this very supernatural experience instead, you thought it was actually kind of cool. You’d heard about the last time the boys entered the cartoon Scooby-Doo and you actually hoped it would be the same situation.

“How do you think this happened again?” Sam asked.

“I swear I didn’t get the television for free this time. I actually bought it. There was a Halloween sale.” Dean answered shrugging.

Sam gave his bitch face, “Right…a Halloween sale on a television, not candy.”

“Man, I hope I don’t have to destroy another tv.” The older Winchester muttered to himself.

“Hey look! It’s the Impala!” You yelled aloud interrupting Dean and Sam’s conversation.

“At least the car made it with us again.” Sam commented with a sigh.

Dean ran up to Baby, laying on the hood as if hugging it. “Thank you, cartoon gods.”

“So which cartoon do you think we’re in this time?” Sam asked walking over to the Impala.

“Who cares? Whatever cartoon world this is, we’ve got it handled.” Dean had stood back up as he flashed a cartoonish smile at Sam and Y/N.

You and Sam looked at each other exchanging a questionable look. You walked over to the Impala, getting into the backseat, “Let’s just do what we do best and drive to see if we can figure out where here is. Come on slowpokes!”

Dean couldn’t help but grin as he made his way over to Baby. “I couldn’t agree more!” Dean yelled as he got into the driver’s seat, Sam following behind.

The drive was pretty long. You all had passed by diners and through small towns, but nothing gave any hint as to what cartoon you three were in.

“Oh. my. God.” Dean was wide-eyed, turning everyone’s attention to what he had been looking at coming to a stop on the road.

“Oh no. Not again…” Sam groaned.

“The Mystery Machine!” You couldn’t believe what you were seeing and you couldn’t deny that things just got more fun for you if you thought you were in a certain cartoon you loved watching as a kid.

“Looks like we’re in one of the best cartoons.” Dean smiled.

“We’re in Scooby-Doo!” Both Sam and you said in unison. Your voice was filled with excitement while Sam’s sounded more concerned.

Yes! You exclaimed internally.

Dean could see the excitement radiate off of you. Hell, he was excited too. He wouldn’t admit it out loud with Sam around, but he was. He parked the Impala right next to the mystery machine.

You immediately got out of the car to check out the van. When you looked through the front windows, you didn’t see anybody there.

Dean had made it besides you, as he noticed the disappointment on your face. He placed his hand on your back, gently rubbing it. “Hey, they have to be around here somewhere.” He tried reassuring you.

“Uh guys, was that always across the street from us?” Sam yelled over, getting out from the Impala.

Both you and Dean looked across the street and low and behold, there was an amusement park that magically appeared out of nowhere. At the entrance gates, there was a group you would recognize anywhere. It was the Scooby gang, but some were dressed as KISS band members. Your eyes sparkled in excitement.

Dean’s eyes sparkled as well, for a different reason. The amusement park was called KISS world, honoring the rock and roll band KISS. Today had also happened to be where KISS was to perform for Halloween at the amusement park.

“We definitely need to check this out.” You expressed with excitement as you found yourself skipping over to the Scooby gang.

“Wait! Y/N we should…” Sam reached out his hand as if he could stop you.

Dean placed a hand on his brother’s shoulder, “There’s no stopping her. So we might as well follow her.” The older Winchester followed after Y/N, almost skipping as well.

Sam groaned to himself, following after his brother and Y/N.

Reaching close distance to the Scooby gang, you overheard them discussing the idea of sneaking in since the guard in the front wouldn’t let them through. Daphne had seemed as motivated as ever to see KISS.

A mischievous grin spread across your face. Sneaking in was part of the hunting life. It would still be Easy Peasy. You popped your head out from behind Fred, whom the gang had all been facing. “Excuse me, I think I can help you all get in.”

All of the Scooby gang turned to face you. “Who are you?” Daphne asked, placing a hand on her hip.

“Names Y/N. Big fan of you guys but also an expert in sneaking into places.” You announced with a big smile on your face.

“What places do you sneak into exactly? Your profession wouldn’t be a robber, would it?” Daphne questioned, almost accusingly. You hadn’t noticed, but Fred seemed to have grown heart eyes as he stared at you.

As you were about to answer Daphne, another voice interrupted. “She’s definitely not a robber. Think of her more as a detective. She’s the best around.” Dean disclosed as he came to stand beside you, winking over at you.

The Scooby gang gasped at his appearance.

You looked anywhere else besides Dean as you could feel your cheeks burning. You had a crush on the older Winchester since you two had first met, and damn his cartoon version for being as good looking as he was in 3D.

Luckily, another appearance took any eyes off of you while you regained your normal composure.

“Sam!” Velma’s glasses had turned into heart eyes for a second before she had made her way in front of the taller Winchester.

“Uh, hi Velma.” Sam smiled awkwardly.

“Hold on. You guys remember us?” Dean asked raising an eyebrow.

“Of course, Dean. Why wouldn’t we?” Daphne smiled at him.

Dean smirked.

Back to normal, you rolled your eyes. You were aware Daphne was one of Dean’s fantasies. Hearing that she remembered him must have made him feel overjoyed. The same way he made you feel from time to time when he complimented you, kind of like earlier when he called you the best around.

“Hi Y/N. We haven’t met yet. I’m Fred.” The ascot-wearing mystery solver introduced himself as he took your hand into his and kissed the top of it.

It surprised you, but it was a nice gesture that you rarely received from men.

Fred seemed to be admiring your beauty when two throats were cleared. You turned and saw both Dean and Daphne with unhappy looks. Fred cleared his throat as well as he continued speaking. “That’s Daphne, Velma, Shaggy, and Scooby-doo.” He presented the rest of the gang.

“Awesome!” You exclaimed as you made your way over to Scooby. “Scooby snack to pet you?”

Scooby-doo quickly nodded his head, “Raa! Raa!”

Magically, you pulled out some Scooby snacks from your butt pocket as you tossed one into Scooby’s mouth. You missed the looks on Dean’s and Sam’s face as they looked at each other confused as to how and where you got the Scooby snacks from.

Scooby-Doo happily howled from getting the snack as he wagged his tail and then bent his head forward towards you.

You almost squealed as you began rubbing Scooby’s head, behind his ear, and then under his chin. Scooby-doo was just too adorable for you.

While you were preoccupied spoiling Scooby Doo with attention, Fred and Velma explained to Dean and Sam the situation they were in. Basically, everyone but Fred wanted to see KISS’s special concert at KISS WORLD till they heard about a witch scaring people away which caused the amusement park to close its door for the time being.

You had heard everything the gang was telling the boys. Eventually, Scooby-doo got called over. The gang went to their mystery machine and changed into their normal clothing.

Fred came straight over to you after. “So you’re an expert in sneaking in, right?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah. I am.” You smiled, placing your hands on your hips proudly.

“You take the lead then and we’ll follow you in.” The ascot-wearing blonde held out one of his arm signaling you to go first as he smiled.

Dean and Daphne had their eyebrows creased together and a little bit of green shown as they watched Fred and Y/N’s interaction. Sam couldn’t help but snicker. He knew exactly why the two seemed to be frustrated. The younger Winchester couldn’t wait to see how this would all turn out for everyone.

Next: Part Two

Feedback is welcome!

#dean winchester x reader #dean x reader #supernatural #scoobynatural imagine #Rock & Roll Mystery #spn fanfic #dean winchester #sam winchester #scoobynatural #supernatural imagine

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gimme-more-caffeine · 6 years ago

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This is from my old blog, I honestly LOVE lists (and writing in bullets for some strange reason). Random and sporadic on topics and the numbers have NO MEANING. I'm NOT ordering them from most fave to least fave, just how they come to mind.

Also keynotes: Favorites doesn't always mean Favorites just what I enjoy the most. And there will be duplication at times

(Side note: Let's update this list from before as it's been two years and see what has changed. * means updated)

-Me- (Just little stuff I figured I'd do. Wasn't even supposed to be a list XD) 1. I'm a Major Introvert, I don't like to socialize with others in real life and prefer to do so online 2. I'm a major procrastinator 3. I mainly work nights so I get to sleep during the day 4. I want to make more friends online yet I have a hard time reaching out. The last time I interacted online was on DeviantArt and FFN years ago 5. I'm pretty much online all day/night on my nights off 6. Eye doctors have told me I have a rare blue-grey-green hazel (Is it true that it’s rare I don’t know) eyes so they tend to change between these three colors or be a mixture at times. Lately I think my eyes are just grey which takes on different green and/or blue shades

-Books-

Favorite Authors 1. Nora Roberts/JD Robb 2. Jayne Ann Krentz/Jayne Castle/Amanda Quick 3. Gena Showalter (I mainly read her Lords of the Underworld series and only read one book that wasn't part of this series so she's not getting a Favorite list sadly) 4. Anna Windsor (I've only read one series of hers so I'm not including her in the books list) 5. Christine Feehan* (I mainly only like one of her series so she's not listed)

Favorite Series from Nora Roberts 1. Bride Quartet 2. McKade Brothers 3. In the Garden Trilogy 4. Dream Trilogy 5. Three Sisters Island Trilogy 6. Key Trilogy 7. Cousins O'Dwyer Trilogy 8. The Donovan Legacy

Favorite Books from In Death (Limiting myself up to Ten) 1. Divided in Death (My first ever In Death book so it holds a strong place in my heart) 2. Innocent in Death 3. Memory in Death 4. Visions in Death 5. Imitation in Death 6. Conspiracy in Death 7. Strangers in Death 8. Treachery in Death 9. New York to Dallas 10. Creation in Death

Favorite Books from Nora Roberts (Limiting myself to Fifteen) 1. Black Hills 2. The Obsession 3. The Witness 4. Carnal Innocence 5. River's End 6. Tribute 7. Carolina Moon 8. Birthright 9. Three Fates 10. The Liar 11. The Search 12. The Villa 13. Angels Fall 14. Time Was 15. Times Change

Favorite Books from Jayne Ann Krentz 1. All Night Long (The first I ever Read and thus holds a special place in my heart) 2. Sizzle and Burn 3. Running Hot 4. In Too Deep 5. Copper Beach 6. Trust No One 7. River Road 8. Witch Craft 9. White Lies 10. Light in Shadow

Favorite Books from Amanda Quick 1. The Third Circle 2. The Perfect Poison 3. Second Sight 4. Crystal Gardens 5. The Mystery Woman 6. Quicksilver 7. The River Knows

Favorite Books from Jayne Castle 1. Obsidian Prey 2. Dark Light 3. The Lost Night 4. Midnight Crystal 5. Canyons of Night

Favorite NON-Romance Books 1. Hope was Here 2. Z for Zacharia 3. Lord of the Flies (Yes, I actually like the chaos that happened. I'm probably messed up for that) 4. The Other Boleyn Girl 5. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (The ONLY book I like from the Harry Potter series) 6. 13 Reasons Why (I deeply enjoy the book and read during my teens) 7. By These Ten Bones 8. The Giver 9. Lovely Bones

-Disney/Animated Movies-

Favorite "Popular" Disney Movies 1. Mulan 2. Zootopia 3. Big Hero 6 4. Tarzan 5. The Lion King 6. 101 Dalmations 7. Bambi 8. Pocahontas 9. The Princess and the Frog 10. Frozen 11. The Little Mermaid 12. Lilo and Stitch 13. Lady and the Tramp 14. The Hunchback of Notre Dame 15. The Nightmare Before Christmas (Yes this is Disney as Tim Burton worked for them during this time. I checked to make sure)

Favorite "Underrated" Disney Movies 1. Treasure Planet 2. Oliver and Company 3. Atlantis: The Lost Empire 4. Home on the Range 5. The Black Cauldron 6. The Sword in the Stone 7. Hercules 8. Meet the Robinsons 9. Emporer's New Groove 10. Robin Hood 11. A Goofy Movie 12. The Fox and the Hound 13. Aristocats 14. James and the Giant Peach (Yes this is considered Disney, I checked) 15. The Rescuers 16. Descendents 17. Brother Bear 18. Dinosaur

Favorite Sequels 1. Mulan 2 (Yes I like this when everyone seems to hate this) 2. Lion King 2 3. Cinderella 3 (I consider this to be an actual sequel, the other one felt more like short stories) 4. Beauty and the Beast: An Enchanted Christmas 5. Bambi 2 6. The Fox and the Hound 2 7. The Rescuer's Down Under 8. Aladdin and The King of Thieves 9. Pocahontas 2 10. 101 Dalmatians 2 11. Lady and the Tramp 2: Scamp's Adventure 12. An Extremely Goofy Movie

Favorite Series (Expect this one to be long and I'm including Jetix too) 1. The House of Mouse 2. Dinosaurs (I never even knew this!) 3. Bill Nye the Science Guy (SERIOUSLY, This guy was DISNEY?!) 4. Duck Tales 5. Gargoyles 6. TaleSpin 7. Darkwing Duck 8. Quack Pack 9. Timon and Pumba 10. 101 Dalmations 11. Recess 12. Hercules 13. PB&J Otter 14. Teacher's Pet 15. Filmore! 16. Disney's Mighty Ducks 17. The Legend of Tarzan 18. Kim Possible 19. Pucca 20. Lilo and Stitch: The Series 21. Super Robot Monkey Team Hyper Force Go! 22. W.I.T.C.H. 23. American Dragon: Jake Long 24. Yin Yang Yo! 25. Descendents: Wicked World

Favorite NON-Disney Movies 1. Anastasia 2. All Dogs go to Heaven 2 3. Spirit: Stallion of the Cimmaron 4. American Tail 2: Fivel Goes West 5. Prince of Egypt 6. The Last Unicorn 7. The Secret of NIMH 8. Wakko's Wish 9. Quest for Camelot 10. Balto 11. The Pebble and the Penguin 12. South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut 13. Scooby Doo on Zombie Island 14. Scooby Doo and the Witch's Ghost 15. The Land Before Time V: The Mysterious Island

-Youtube-

Youtubers/Channels I mainly watch (Limiting myself to Ten): 1. MLP-Silver-Quill 2. Night Mind* 3. Rekaita Law* (Hey it's entertaining as hell and I love watching him rant) 4. FoundFlix* 5. joshscorcher 6. FOB Equestria 7. That Creepy Reading* 8. Top5s 9. The Theorizer 10. SuperHorrorBro*

Generalization of what I watch on Youtube 1. Let's Plays 2. Song Covers 3. MLP Analysis stuff (NOT the series, only the analysis community) 4. Horror/Paranormal/Urban Legend stuff 5. Movie/Game Theories 6. Anime/Movie parodies 7. Horror Explanations (Movies and video games lately)* 8. Abridged Shows/Parodies

-Music-

Favorite Disney Movie Songs/Scores (As in IN the movie, Credit songs don't count unless they're the same song as in the movie. LONG LIST AHEAD) 1. Hellfire - Hunchback of Notre Dame 2. Why Should I Worry - Oliver and Company 3. I'm Still Here - Treasure Planet 4. Colors of the Wind - Pocahontas 5. Savages - Pocahontas 6. Make a Man out of You - Mulan 7. What's this? - Nightmare before Christmas 8. This is Halloween - Nightmare before Christmas 9. Court of Miracles - Hunchback of Notre Dame 10. You'll be in My Heart - Tarzan 11. Son of Man - Tarzan 12. Strangers Like Me - Tarzan 13. Farewell - Pocahontas 14. Short Hair - Mulan 15. Eye to Eye - A Goofy Movie 16. Stand Out - A Goofy Movie 17. After Today - A Goofy Movie 18. Topsy Turvy - Hunchback of Notre Dame 19. Try Everything - Zootopia 20. I Wanna be Like Other Girls - Mulan 2 21. Good Doggy, No Bone - Fox and the Hound 2 22. Lesson Number One - Mulan 2

Favorite Disney Covers 1. Hellfire - Jonathan Young 2. Can You Feel the Love Tonight - Elton John (Yes I see that as a cover as it's not the one from the movie but the credits) 3. Can You Feel the Love Tonight - Sara Paxton 4. Hawaiian Roller Coaster - Penicillin 5. Heigh-Ho - CASCADE 6. Supercalifragilisticexpialadotious - THE KIDDIE (Hope I spelt the song right... It's too damn long) 7. This is Halloween - Marilyn Manson 8. Kiss the Girl - Ashley Tisdale 9. You'll be in my Heart - Celtic Woman 10. Be Prepared - Jonathan Young* (Jonathan Young covers a lot of Disney songs I like so I'll leave it at that instead of listing all the covers I like)

Favorite Parody Songs 1. Brooklyn Rage - YGOTAS (Yu-Gi-Oh: The Abridged Series) Parodying: Poker Face by Lady Gaga 2. Pharaoh's Throne - YGOTAS Parodying: Telephone by Lady Gaga 3. Make a Man out of You - DBZAbridge 4. Leather Pants - YGOTAS Parodying: Bad Romance by Lady Gaga 5. U Can't Touch Lani - Lanipator Parodying: U Can't Touch This 6. Without Yugi - YGOTAS Parodying: Without Me by Eminem 7. Paraboss - YGOTAS BBT Movie Parodying: ??? by ??? (Someone told me it was Lady Gaga's Paraboss song but I can't find that) 8. Stronger - YGOTAS BBT Movie Parodying Harder, Better, Faster Stronger by Daft Punk 9. It's Your Move - YGOTAS Parodying: Tik Tok by Ke$ha

Genres I listen to 1. 80s 2. Different forms of Rock (Alternative, Symphonic, Metal, etc) 3. Anime Music 4. Disney Songs (Usually more from the movies) 5. Dance/Techno 6. Covers/Remixes

-Movies-

Favorite Movies (Limiting myself up to Fifty) 1. Titanic 2. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (Again, the only movie I liked from the Harry Potter franchise) 3. Avatar (Yes I know this was like 95% CGI but it still had physical people in it so I'm not putting it in CGI category) 4. Jumanji 5. Fluke 6. Godzilla (98. This is my FAVORITE Godzilla movie. I just loved the design of Godzilla and the animated show that came as a result) 7. Alice in Wonderland (Tim Burton's version. I'm probably one of the few who enjoyed this) 8. SPEED 9. 13 Ghosts 10. Ghost Ship 11. Poseidon (The one from the 2000s) 12. Flight 93 13. United 93 14. World Trade Center 15. Iron Jawed Angels 16. How the Grinch Stole Christmas 17. Matilda 18. Mighty Morphin Power Rangers (A classic that shall never die) 19. Beetlejuice 20. The Dark Knight 21. Home Alone 3 22. Deadpool 23. Casper 24. Addams Family Values 25. The Hollow 26. Jurassic World 27. Dragon Heart (I cry like a bitch during the ending) 28. Angels in the Outfield 29. The Mask 30. Hocus Pocus 31. Mortal Kombat 32. The Grinch (2018 version)*

Favorite CGI and Claymation movies (Because I can't tell the difference between the two. And the CGI is for ALL Computer generation and WITHOUT physical people. This includes DreamWorks) 1. Rise of the Guardians 2. Megamind 3. Corpse Bride 4. Final Fantasy 7: Advent Children 5. James and the Giant Peach 6. Nightmare Before Christmas 7. Coraline 8. Dinosaur 9. Shrek 2 10. Kung Fu Panda 2 11. Sherman and Mr. Peabody

-Anime-

Animes I like before finding out they were Anime 1. Oban Star Racers 2. Shinzo

Favorite Animes (Limiting myself up to Thirty) 1. Kuroko no Basket 2. Fruits Basket 3. Yu-Gi-Oh 4. Yu Yu Hakusho 5. Samurai Deeper Kyo 6. Bleach 7. Gravitation 8. Junjo Romantica 9. Sekai-Ichi Hatsukoi 10. Princess Tutu 11. Slayers 12. Supernatural the Anime 13. Free! 14. Persona 4 15. Digimon 16. Inuyasha 17. Pokemon 18. Case Closed

Favorite NON-Animes (That can pass for anime style, at least what I think could pass) 1. Teen Titans (Not that shit Teen Titans Go) 2. Avatar the Last Airbender (I have not seen Korra. Also on a side note, this used to be in the anime section on Fanfiction.net when it first came out) 3. Samurai Jack 4. Ben 10 - Ben 10 Omniverse (Basically I mean anything BEFORE Ben 10 Omniverse) 5. Generator Rex 6. Powerpuff Girls Z 7. Code Lyoko

Favorite Voice Actors (Doing Japanese and English since I know very few XD Forgive my spelling errors) 1. Todd Haberkorn 2. Dan Greene 3. Johnny Yong Bosch 4. Vic Mignogna 5. Daisuke Namikawa 6. Konishi Katsuyuki 7. Romi Park 8. Yuri Lowenthral 9. Steve Staley 10. Cam Clarke 11. Greg Ayers* 12. Jerry Jewell 13. Eric Vale 14. Dave Wittenberg* 15. Tara Strong

-Mythology/Supernatural

Favorite Myths 1. The Jersey Devil 2. Hades/Persephone Myth

Favorite NON-Humanoid Magical/Mythical/Supernatural Creatures 1. Unicorn 2. Qilin/Krilin 3. Dragon 4. Cerberus (I can't find the official name) 5. The Jersey Devil 6. Perryton 7. Pegasus

Favorite Humanoid Magical/Mythical/Supernatural Creatures 1. Mermaid 2. Harpy 3. Centaur 4. Siren (Both winged and finned kinds)

-Random/One Category stuff-

Favorite Comedians 1. Gabriel Iglesias 2. Jeff Dunham 3. Bill Engvall 4. Jeff Foxworthy

Favorite Animals 1. Cats 2. Foxes 3. Wolves 4. Dogs 5. Ferrets* 6. Stoats* 7. Bats*

Favorite Foods 1. Buffalo Chicken Pizza (No Bleu Cheese, ONLY RANCH) 2. Beef Fajitas 3. Crunchwrap Supreme (I love Taco Bell!!) 4. Triple Chocolate Cake

Favorite Drinks 1. Peach Tea Snapple 2. Cherry Coke/Pepsi 3. Shirley Temple 4. Pure Leaf Unsweetened Tea 5. Strawberry Lemonade 6. Cherry Lemonade 7. Pure Leaf Peach Tea 8. Pure Leaf Fuji Apple Ginger Tea 9. Pure Leaf Cherry Hibiscus Tea*

#my stuff #my lists #lists

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pyrewrites · 6 years ago

Text

The Ghost in the Basement

Read it on Ao3

“Remind me again how I let you assholes talk me into doing a group costume.” Beca grumbled as she stood in front of the mirror. She stared at the horrifying image in front of her. Her reflection. Beca Mitchell, the so-called 'cranky badass' Bella, stood wearing coke-bottle glasses, a god awful orange turtleneck sweater, an ugly brownish red skirt, knee-high socks that matched the sweater, and shoes that matched the skirt. She found herself wishing that the lenses in her glasses were as strong as they would be on the character she was dressed as so she wouldn't be able to see how ridiculous she looked.

“Because your awesome beyond reason best friend asked you to.” Amy said matter-of-factly from her position on her own bed.

Beca glanced at the Australians reflection over her shoulder. “And how the hell did you get away with not wearing a costume as part of this alleged group costume you scammed me into?”

“This is my costume.” Amy tugged at the bright blue collar around her neck.

“You so suck.” Beca grumbled again.

“You two almost ready?” Jessica said as she trotted up the stairs. She was wearing a white v-neck sweater over a blue button-up shirt with an orange scarf around her neck and blue slacks.

“Yeah. Hurry up. The Trebles party started like an hour ago. We are way beyond fashionably late already.” Ashley added. Her green t-shirt and brown pants looking almost as much like a 'costume' as Amy's collar.

“I am not even close to ready to be seen in public in this get-up.” Beca said as she pushed her way by them on her way down the stairs. “But my costume is done. Who the hell are we even supposed to be? Chloe just handed me all this shit and told me to put it on.”

“We are the Scooby-Doo gang, silly.” The aforementioned redhead said as she swung around the corner coming out of her room.

Beca's heart was suddenly having a hard time beating with any regular rhythm. The form-fitting, curve-hugging purple dress and lavender leggings Chloe was wearing made Beca start to consider that maybe this group costume thing wasn't such a stupid idea after all.

“Now let's gather everybody up and go get our party on!” Chloe squealed.

The group started down the hall to fetch the rest of the Bellas as quickly as possible. Starting with Stacie.

“Hey Stretch, you ready to go?” Beca called as they entered her and Cynthia Rose's room. Beca spun around to leave as soon as her eyes landed on the leggy brunette in what appeared to be nothing but lingerie. “What the hell Stace? Why don't you have your costume on?”

“This is my costume.” Beca could hear the shit-eating gin in her voice. “I'm Madonna when she did 'Like A Virgin' live on MTV. White lingerie and a veil.”

“Jesus Christ Stacie.” Beca said inching her way towards the hall.

“I think it looks goo-” Chloe stopped short when all the lights in the house went out.

Someone screamed, probably Jessica or Ashley. Then a scream that would have made Vincent Price proud, and unmistakably Stacie, ripped through the darkness.

“Stacie? What the fuck is going on?” Beca shouted. There was no answer, but Beca jumped when she felt a hand grab hers in the dark.

“Beca?” Chloe's voice shook and Beca felt an accompanying squeeze from the hand holding hers.

“Yeah, Chlo. I'm right here.” Beca said, pulling the redhead close.

The lights came back on, pulling another, shorter scream from both Jessica and Ashley.

“Stacie?” Chloe called out. The five of them faced into the empty room.

“The fuck?” Amy said. “There's no way she could have gotten out the door with all us here.”

“And her window is still closed. Plus she would have to jump all the way to the ground since there's nothing to climb out there.” Jessica offered.

“Then where the fuck is she?” Beca grumbled.

“Maybe it was the ghost from the basement?” Ashley said with panic in her eyes, pressing herself against Jessica.

“Oh don't you start.” Beca snapped.

“You were the one that said the basement was haunted Becs.” Amy said.

“It's also Halloween and she is probably just fucking with us.” Beca said while squeezing Chloe's hand because she didn't entirely believe her own words. “Let's just get the rest of the girls and Stacie can catch up when she gets bored of this little game.”

The group turned back to the hall and headed for Flo and Lily's room. They had only made it three steps down the hall when a figure in black hooded robes carrying a scythe stepped out in front of them. They all screamed and jumped back, nearly ending up in a heap as they tripped over each other. The figure turned slowly to take them in. It reached up and pulled the hood back.

Lily smiled at them from inside the hood. They all saw her lips move but none of them heard what she said. She turned and started down the stairs, her steps and the thumping of the scythe making more noise than her voice ever did. She was less than halfway down when they lights went out again. The group screamed again.

When silence descended again Beca realized she did not hear the sound of Lily on the stairs or walking across the living room.

“Lily?” Beca called into the inky blackness. “If you're there, like knock that stick against the floor or something.”

Nothing.

Beca felt Chloe press up against her back. She could feel the redhead shaking. She squeezed her hand again trying to calm them both down.

“Lily?” Jessica tried.

Still nothing.

The lights sprang back to life, earning another batch of screams.

“What the hell is going on with the lights?” Flo said as she came out of her bedroom. “I feel like I'm back home when the cartels and the police start dealing with people that try to protest.”

“It's the ghost from the basement.” Ashley said quickly before anyone else could offer a better explanation.

“It's not a ghost. It's Halloween and somebody decided to try to scare us before we made it to the party.” Beca said.

“You know the barrier between the land of the living and the dead is at it's weakest right now.” Flo said. “Dia de Los Muertos starts today when all our ancestors come back to visit. If it is a ghost this would be when it would be most powerf-”

She stopped when the lights went out again.

“Ay Dios Mio!” Flo screamed. Then the house went silent again.

“Motherfucker!” Beca shouted.

When the lights came back on the Pink Ladies jacket that was part of Flo's Grease costume was in a pile on the floor where she had been standing.

“Which one-a you bitches keep turning out the lights?” Cynthia-Rose shouted from somewhere downstairs. “I'm trying to eat something before the party and this shit's getting annoying.”

And as if on cue the lights went out again.

“Aw hell no!” Cynthia-Rose shouted. Followed by sounds of a struggle and chairs hitting the floor. Then silence.

“Fuck!” Beca snapped.

The instant the lights came back on they ran for the kitchen. They found several chairs overturned, a half-eaten sandwich, and a Diet Pepsi slowly pooling on the table. Ashley seemed to be in shock by this point because she grabbed some paper towels and started cleaning up the spilled soda, then began righting the chairs. She didn't even react when there was a loud crash from the basement.

“It's the ghost.” Ashley mumbled.

“What if we just head to the party and leave the ghost to be loud and stuff for the rest of the night?” Amy offered.

Again, as if on cue, screaming started coming from the basement. After several seconds individual voices could be identified. All the missing Bellas were screaming for help from behind the basement door.

“Anybody? I'm ready to go to the party.” Amy said as she inched towards the back door.

“Amy!” Chloe snapped. “We have to save our friends from...whatever this is.”

“Fine.” Amy huffed. “But I'm not going down there without a weapon.”

“That's a good idea!” Jessica said.

“Yeah. It is.” Chloe said as she grabbed an umbrella from the stand by the door.

“Really Chlo?” Beca cocked an eyebrow.

“What are you going to use? It's not like we have an arsenal in the house.” Chloe said. “At least without going into Lily's closet.”

“Something better than an umbrella.” Beca said as she picked up Stacie's lacrosse stick. “The only way that will be useful is if the ghost conjures up a raincloud.”

“Hey, guys?” Jessica called. “Ash is kinda out of it. I think I should stay here and keep an eye on her.”

“Good idea Jess.” Chloe said. “Amy, you ready?”

“Bet your sweet ass I am.” Amy said swinging a crowbar that she seemed to have pulled out of thin air.

“What...where...how...you know what? Never mind.” Beca said. “Let's get this shit over with.”

The three of them crept towards the basement door. The screams continued and were joined by crashes and thumps. Beca slowly pulled open the door, the hinges screeching nearly as loud as the increased volume of the screaming. She reached out with the lacrosse stick and flipped the light switch. Nothing happened. She flipped it several more times, all to no avail.

“Chlo?” Beca said without taking her eyes off the darkness in front of her. Without having to say another work Chloe's cellphone flashlight came on over her shoulder.

“Ready?” Beca whispered.

“Mhmm,” was Chloe's only reply.

Beca started down the stairs with Chloe virtually glued to her back. The moment Chloe's foot left the surface of the first step the door slammed behind them.

“Hey!” Beca screamed, throwing herself against the door. She tried the knob, pounded on the door, kicked it, even yelled at it. But nothing worked. “Amy! Get us out of here!”

“I'm trying!” Amy shouted back. “Good thing I've got the crowbar. Go get the girls. With luck, I'll have this thing open by the time you're done.”

“Shit.” Beca mumbled. “You ok Red?”

“Yeah. Just locked in a haunted basement about to be murdered.” Chloe sighed.

“I am so going to beat the shit out of this ghost or whatever the hell is down here.” Beca grumbled as she started back down the stairs.

The screaming only got louder the closer they got to the bottom of the stairs. As soon as the could see into the room Chloe started swinging her flashlight around the room.

“What the fuck?” Beca said as they saw no sign of anyone in the room, but the screaming continued unabated.

They crept around the bottom of the stairs, Chloe's flashlight panning over every inch of the room much slower this time, until they finally spotted it. A cd boombox with an orange, pumpkin-shaped post-it note on it.

Beca quickly walked over and punched the stop button and the room dropped into silence. She grabbed the note and read it aloud once Chloe had brought her the light.

“Dear Bhloe, we will let you out as soon as you admit you are in love with each other. Signed, The Bellas.” Beca rolled her eyes and stormed back to the stairs. “Oh fuck all of you!” She screamed.

She was answered by a chorus of laughter.

“Fine. Stay down there all night if you want.” Came Stacie's voice through the door.

“Beca.” Chloe said coming up behind her. “Would it really kill you to go up there and say it so we can go to the party?”

“Seriously?” Beca said. “You've seen how much shit they have given me over the last 3 years about this. If I go up there and say it they will never let me hear the end of it.”

“Hey, Chloe?” Ashley's voice now. “If she admits it you can text one of us and we will come back from the party.”

They heard another round of laughter retreating from the basement door, then they heard the front door slam. They saw shadows moving across the basement windows as the girls headed towards the Treble house.

“If one of you aca-bitches don't come back here and let us out right now you are all doing nothing but cardio for every rehearsal for a week!” Beca screamed at the window.

They heard the girls voices fade until all they could hear was the music coming from next door at the party.

“Was that really necessary?” Chloe stood with her arms crossed.

“Completely.” Beca smirked as she screwed the lightbulb back into the socket bathing the room in light. “And we aren't really stuck down here. I removed the screen from the window over the dryer the first time I got stuck down here when the door got stuck when I was home alone sophomore year.”

“You threatened them with cardio instead of biting the bullet and just saying you had feelings for me.” Chloe said still looking hurt.

“Yeah, I did.” Beca grinned. “It's almost 7 and I don't expect any of them to come home until at least 2 AM. Especially if they think I am down here dying of embarrassment. That gives me at least 7 uninterrupted hours to spend with my girlfriend.”

“You are such a brat.” Chloe said as she wrapped her arms around the woman she had secretly been dating for exactly a year. “Sooner or later we are going to have to tell them.”

“Sooner or later. But I think this is more fun. They all think they know something I don't. It's nice finally being the one that knows something they don't.” Beca smiled as she kissed the woman she was about to finally tell she was in love with her.

“You are such a child.” Chloe giggled when they finally broke apart.

“Yeah but you love me.” Beca smiled softly.

“Yeah. I really do.” Chloe breathed.

“I love you too Chlo.” Beca said before her brain could get in the way.

Chloe's eyes lit up and filled with tears all at once.

“Happy Anniversary.” Beca whispered as Chloe pulled her into another kiss.

Outside the window, beneath the breaker box, Emily had to clap her hands over her mouth to keep from squealing. She rolled away from the window, got to her feet, and ran for the party to tell the rest of the girls the good news.

#PPHW1 #PPHW #Pitch Perfect #Beca Mitchell #Chloe Beale #Fat Amy #Jessica #Ashley #Stacie Conrad #Flo Fuentes #Lily #Cynthia-Rose #Emily Junk #pyre writes #Pyre writes fics #writing

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whitesinhistory · 9 months ago

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youtube

Aug 10, 2023 Provided to YouTube by The Orchard Enterprises namesake · Noname · Fatimah Warner Sundial

Itty bitty titty committee The world with me, your girl with me And I don't even really like pussy That's the homie Tony Island call Poseidon Cry me a river, you could cry me a metaphor A megaphone, screaming out Dream about revolution, air pollution Same solution, socialism They ain't really fucking with my niggas though

Off the grid, we just love the community garden Off the grid, you could be a martian 'round here Settle down here, we could love, love Drive up to the motherland and learn about what was And if the world don't budge, then eat me out, sweetie I wanna smile tonight, I only got one lap around the sun And he going down tonight, yeah, yeah So maybe I'm going down too Yeah, maybe I'm going down too

Yo, I never need no man I got a little bit of love and a couple of friends Picture me rolling up the bud in the south of Sudan Yo, I never need no, no, no

Noname, where she came? We could stand in the rain Maintain a good life, we could fry plantain Same day the airstrikes strike down Iran I ran into the house with a blunt in my hand, let's smoke I don't wanna see death no more, let's fight They got the devil hiding in plain sight That's you, that's me, the whole world is culpable Why complacency float the boat the most? I don't really get it, y'all ain't really with it

All that eat the rich, tax the rich, y'all ain't really about that shit Bitch, if you want some money, you can say that You deserve the payback 'cause niggas took everything Let's go get that and take it to the hood though Share it with community, we soldiers in plain clothes

Everybody got their role, don't be an opp Everybody got their roles, I'm a play mine Like Scooby-Doo in a haunted house I see the ghost that they talking 'bout, I see the signs Read in between the line at the crime scene I ain't fucking with the NFL or Jay-Z Propaganda for the military complex The same gun that shot Lil Terry Out west the same gun that shot some Samir in the West Bank We all think the Super Bowl's the best thing

Go, Rihanna, go Watch the fighter jet fly high War machine gets glamorized We play the game to pass the time Go, Beyoncé, go Watch the fighter jet fly high War machine gets glamorized We play the game to pass the time

Go, Kendrick, go Watch the fighter jet fly high War machine gets glamorized We play the game to pass the time Go, Noname, go Coachella stage got sanitized I said I wouldn't perform for them And somehow I still fell in line

Fuck, I never need no name I got a little bit of love and a memory lane Picture me rolling up the bud, I don't play them games Yo, I never need no, no, no Uh, I never need no name I got a little bit of love and a memory lane Picture me rolling up the bud, I don't play them games Yo, I never need no, no, no

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floggingink · 7 years ago

Text

Riverdale, “Episode Twenty-One: House of the Devil”

Jughead writes at the Whyte Wyrm now, which presumably people, there, still think is weird

Fifth period is AP English: Jughead compares the Black Hood to Edgar Allan Poe’s Red Death, which I think was an allegory for like, the Plague

“CARNAL DEFIANCE”

Sixth period is Intro to Film: Why does Cheryl call Archie & Veronica making out “xenomorphs,” which are the aliens in Aliens? I need help

Jughead drops the name “Varchie,” truly proving he is not above the rest of us

I like to think that Jughead chronicling the carnal defiance is him thinking to himself how objective and journalistic he is being

the carnal defiance montage is good, though

Veronica was rich: “The tasting menu at Pourquoi is thirteen courses, Archie.”

literally on a white fur rug in front of a fire?

I like the soft class differences in Archie immediately suggesting they maybe watch Netflix and Veronica immediately suggesting they maybe watch HBO

Veronica as usual is an emotionally-multitasking saint-genius in giving Archie a genuine had-a-good-time kiss as he frantically leaves

Jug calls McGinty “Freddy Krueger,” which I will allow

Jughead doubts it: Jughead is “dubious” that the Reaper is the BH, as he’d have to be in his 60’s. plus, he was MAYBE lynched! or they lynched someone who was MAYBE him!

God, Betty and Jughead Black & Golding it up at Pop’s hit me with some choice nostalgia. remember when they tried to break Polly out of Catholic school? innocent times!

“YOU DON’T HAVE TO, OKAY.”

Betty’s sweater with that red pencil skirt???

Veronica’s sleeveless floral blouse with that bow???

Veronica VERY NICELY looks excited that FP is getting out of jail. I don’t know if she cares, but she will act like she cares. Veronica is just that good

Archie > Dawson: Archie being like, I assume you need help with something because your life sucks and I’ve come to expect it, and Jughead and Betty being like, Yes, continue to investigate this decades-old murder while we plan a working-class graduation party, truly, sums everything up about them

I do applaud the self-awareness of Veronica being like, We’re Bughead right now?

these two angels are up for it. Archie doesn’t give him any nonsense about Moose’s physical therapy (I hope Moose is okay). he’ll Scooby Gang with Veronica for his bro

Cheryl’s pins: Cheryl has her own special red towel, because…..because…..

Gay?!: I do want an unprompted back massage with lavender essential oil from Cheryl, but Josie is one tea with Penelope away from needing to Get Out

What damn high school in America: weirdly, I feel like Ms. Svenson is largely guileless here, but like...don’t just open the door…

Cheryl draws back, the moment over, Josie is like...I gotta go...

Hiram’s exceedingly wholesome red sweater

Veronica gets my favorite line of the night: “Well, I don’t know about those other people, but we’re ACTUALLY SINNERS.”

“Damn good coffee”: I don’t know what “the martial arts” are, but Andre is trained in them

Smithers is dead, right? Smithers is dead

The female gaze: “Archie, as pictured here exiting the shower, would literally die for you, so keep him around.”

can we give Archie a more interesting phone background?

Alice is dusting with an actual feather duster? those DO not work

TBH what is Jughead’s plan with the Mayor? she has demonstrated many times over that she does not GAF about the southside, and Jughead is not exactly a charismatic master salesman. what he needs to do is get Veronica to talk to HIRAM about the southside, but that ship has sailed. I want to say I’m with Serpent Daddy on this one, and you know what if that makes me a little bitch, THEN I GUESS I AM ONE

I do like the Generation Z insurrection from inside of the Serpents, though. phase out the olds! maybe Tall Boy SHOULD shut up and let them fucking try and actually save their part of town. it won’t work, but it will be honorable. plus then they’d be younger and cooler, like the Ghoulies. okay, Jughead, you brought me around. except at this point in time I still think I would rather be a Ghoulie

Jughead drunk on his own righteousness and calling for “a vote” to oust Tall Boy is like the most assertive he has ever been

Veronica, hell-bent that they not talk about It, brings up the murder house, the BH letter, and how she wants to get laid

Veronica has her reading glasses at the breakfast table!!! VERONICA I LOVE YOU. I’LL SAY IT TOO

okay I do think Fred is right that with “those three words,” people are usually “on different schedules”

Please protect Betty: Alice lets Betty “borrow” the station wagon on the condition that she, Alice, drives it

INCREDIBLY SEXUALLY FRUSTRATED? CARNAL DEFIANCE?

“Mom! What?” “Wow.”

brace yourself because the Riverdale prison is called “Shankshaw”

FP leaving the Serpents is fucking news to Jughead

“Working, Warden Cooper.”

oh, AA? AA, FP? I’m looking at my watch

FP lifting his pinkie to drink his coffee like Alice shows just how fierce prison turned him

Sheriff Keller’s continued patience with the Scoobies is the act of a desperate man

“The Devil’s house? What if he’s home?”

Sexy, aesthetic Southside: Jughead’s motorcycle jacket is good and his helmet hair is great

of course FP has that obnoxious man-child motorcycle with the jacked-up handlebars

FP and Jughead have apparently parked alongside a Civil War battlefield

FP says when he was 16, Jughead’s age, his father kicked him out of the house, so he joined the Serpents. this is like exactly the opposite of what FP & Jughead are doing, but in the saddest possible way

Jughead must ACTUALLY like being in the Serpents. a group where he isn’t the odd one out all the time. the non-joiner joined and now doesn’t want to leave

FP’s condition is that Jughead keeps writing. FP DOES LOVE HIS SON, THE SCREW-UP

“I will. I do, every day.” YOU’RE BETTER THAN ME, JUG

I can’t endorse FP’s knockoff Ray-Bans, though

Cheryl’s sheaths: THAT SHIRT?

The 2001 Josie and the Pussycats movie was a masterpiece: Cheryl is DISGUSTED that Reggie is going to escort Josie to his father’s car dealership opening. $5,000, though?? to some people, Cheryl, that is A LOT OF MONEY

The Blossom spawn: “Clean that up, plebe. The way you did my brother’s blood.”

Cheryl’s a chaos angel from hell: I think Cheryl is allowed at least one lashing-out at FP (FOR DISPOSING OF HER BROTHER’S BODY) and FP knows it

a “king”? a “leader of men”? was he, Jughead?

Betty’s solution is, as always, to throw a party

These students are legally children: Toni is bartending? Toni, a legal child, is bartending? I think if Alice really wanted to hit them where it hurts she could simply report them to the ABC for flagrant underage drinking violations (Toni is not drinking)

I say “X-adjacent” all the time, so I liked Betty calling herself “Serpent-adjacent”

ALTHOUGH SHE IS JUST AS MUCH A HEREDITARY SERPENT AS JUGHEAD

Byrdie, I think, smokes a couple of packs a day

Jughead wants the Serpents to stick up for themselves through actually viable legal channels. Toni wants to eliminate their sexist, misogynistic initial rituals. Sweet Pea probably wants to include an outreach program and feed little kids before school in case they can’t afford breakfast! PURGE THE OLDS FROM THE SERPENTS, THE KIDS ARE DOING GREAT

Jughead has come a long way from balking at Betty throwing him a birthday party for like six people to convincing FP that a retirement party at the alcoholic bar owned by his old biker gang will be fun, only last “like three hours”

“Don’t bogart the egg rolls.”

Penny thinks Jughead’s “soft underbelly” is his “quite fetching” girlfriend, even more than his well-meaning dolt father

Veronica’s cape!!!!!

FLASHBACK CAM!!!!

of course the SHATTERED PORTRAIT of mother and child is still there, like in Tarzan

this Reaper was a stone-cold motherfucker

OH, THE ORIGINAL BLOODSTAINED WOOD IS STILL THERE?

Archie finds the clue box! Veronica finds the third child’s initials! Archie and Veronica are GREAT Betty and Jugheads!

why is Penny AROUND if EVERYONE is scared of her? because she can actually do a good job when she’s “incentivized”?

Fwoopy hair is the best hair: Toni’s lovely, looping pink side-braids

Alice storms over to Pop’s, preemptively furious that Betty is going to pole dance to become Serpent-adjacent

FP is like, PLEASE SHUT UP

this scene is GREAT. “THEY WEREN’T ALL MISTAKES.” FP’s bowtie! he looks great in white? “Are you high on fumes?”

Alice tries to throw Hal in FP’s face and FP is like, drop that like it’s hot

Best costume bit: Veronica’s perkily no-nonsense Lois Lane outfit during the debrief

I’ve seen Brick like thirty times: Jughead is quick to point out the possible Dexter ramifications on a body having to watch their family get murdered

Jughead sort of coos in Betty’s ear to remind her they have to leave

Betty’s belated invitation amuses Veronica and nonplusses Archie, and Jughead rather gallantly gives them an easy out in case they like DON’T WANT TO GO, “IT’S NOT A BIG DEAL”

Archie’s waist looks particularly small in that shirt

Joseph Conway honestly out here thinking he can outrun Archie! when the only person who can do that is Jughead Jones!

AN EVIL PREACHER!

A REAL MOB!

Summer + Blair = Veronica: Veronica’s interrogation was great because Veronica is a natural Bad Cop

Betty has a picture of herself and Jughead at the Retro Reunion Dance from Hell on her mirror

I think Hermione and Hiram say “I love you” all the time, in many different ways. he calls her a dove. she brings him his coffee. he gets her boyfriend’s underage construction workers beaten up. she claims she wrote a threatening letter about herself

Archie’s brown Henley

Jughead did “a sweep” of “the perimeter”

Archie telling himself it’s going to be a good night, Jughead pats him on the back: “Here’s hoping”

Mädchen Amick, MÄDCHEN AMICK: once again Alice demonstrates that dressing “like the southside” does not preclude dressing fabulously, rather that other Serpents are simply not putting in the time

Alice does not want the worm that comes with her shot of mezcal

Jughead, PRECIOUSLY, clarifies that when he said “You look incredible,” he meant Betty, he was not hitting on Alice

Archie is VERY GOOD telling Veronica that he said what he said because HE was feeling good! GOOD, ARCHIE

HOLD THE PHONE, HAS ARCHIE SEEN DONNIE DARKO?

Archie immediately pivots to passive aggression when his kindness is not reciprocated with declarations of love! BAD, ARCHIE

“Mad World” is a great song. I would hedge on whether or not it’s a great karaoke song. I would strongly hedge on whether it’s a rousing crowd-pleaser at a drunken gangbanger send-off

did Archie like Donnie Darko? did he understand it? if so, could he explain it to me?

Veronica’s silky alto makes another appearance

“DEAD END FP”????

I’m writing a scene where it’s gay.: oh, Sweet Pea’s there! Sweet Pea is standing alone by the wall. Sweet Pea COULD be standing with Jughead, if he wanted. Jughead is also standing alone

apparently Betty has a whole secret drawer of black lingerie

never in ten thousand billion years would Jughead enjoy any sort of exhibitionism on Betty’s behalf in front of other people. BECAUSE HE’S FUCKING SHY, unless he’s calling Tall Boy a bitch

Gay.: Toni is amused. carnal defiance?

50 Shades of Betty: is Betty a Serpent now? BETTY?

I did rather enjoy the possibly inadvertent parallel to that episode of Fresh Prince when Will and Carlton end up stripping together at that rich-lady benefit and Aunt Viv walks in on it and she’s like, “PUT IT ON.”

FP, I want to say, saves the day by taking charge of the fallout: “Ha ha, great! EVERYTHING’S FINE! Put this on.”

Certified pedigree: OF COURSE. OF COURSE. OF COURSE. OF COURSE. OF COURSE FP IS GOING BACK TO THE SERPENTS. of course he does it with the most melodramatic speech possible. of course he does it by dismissing his own son, dismissing his family, dismissing parole, dismissing sobriety. of course he’s actually doing it to protect Jughead but of course doing do by actually destroying Jughead’s life in a different way

“Coyote Ugly” is pretty good

“I AM NOT GOING GENTLY INTO THE NIGHT!” FP, do you read Dylan Thomas?!

FP’S KISS OF DEATH. FP’S FREDO KISS. “YOU BROKE MY HEART, JUGHEAD.”

the shot he takes right to Jughead’s face is just mean

Jughead looks fucking stunned. can you be numb AND horrified? horrifumbed?

Veronica doesn’t have any deep-seated issues, for God’s sake! she isn’t in love with Archie right now! everyone take a breath!

Andre sat in the car during the whole party? I see a missed opportunity here

the hat’s off! HAT’S OFF

Jughead considers Archie gone, that he “cut bait,” a phrase I admit I have never heard before. Jughead is operating with the assumption that Archie has written him off and that Betty needs to do so as well, so it’s like the Archie-Jughead breakup, but sort of sideways

“I’M DRAGGING MY DAD DOWN.”

“You might get...you will probably get hurt.”

I did like the CLASSICALLY DRAMATIC wrenching Jughead back around by the arm and holding his face. IF YOU KIDS WOULD JUST SHUT UP AND HOLD EACH OTHER’S FACES. remember when sorcerer dementia-phantom Nana Rose scared you snooping in Jason Blossom’s bedroom??? innocent times!!!!!

I’m looking at this photograph of the Hangin’ Mob and I can’t tell who’s who, and it fills me with glee!

Every triangle has three corners, every triangle has three sides: I’m not sure what Betty and Archie are supposed to be seeing in each other for the very first time, unless it’s that they scare their partners or something. can Betty and Archie Blue & Gold? maybe! Archie wasn’t great at holding the line against Betty when she was falling down the Black Hood rabbit hole, but he did recognize it when it was happening, PLUS he’s a huge handsome slab of boy meat! TIME TO STEP UP, ARCHIE

hey, is Jughead homeless again?

TOMORROW: WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?

#riverdale #i say #commentary #tropes

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lenin-it-to-win-it · 7 years ago

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“we are so (thot) married”

i was bored so i decided to write a parody of the first chapter of my good comrade @theseerofdoomisunaltered‘s magnum opus “we are so (not) married”, if i have time maybe ill do the rest but no promises bc im a lazy inconsistent bitch lmao

*****************************************************************************************************

hizashi was fuckin PISSEd!

he was angery and is upset bc shouta THAt dumB THOT had gone and goetten himself injured AGEIN!!!! he hadnt sleeped in 69 hours (hehe) bc he was 2 busy gettin turnt with tha bois (painkillers and mowten dew) and had goten into a fite with some villens (fourth graders) bc they sed cats were lame.

showta got carried by on a stretcher and hibachi pissed himself and not even in the kinyk way. paremdedics kept hziashi from geting close to the stretcher or the room shota is carreid into. “shit boi u fam?” a nurse asked.

“no’ mic sobbed loudly. “we;r emore like,, friends wtih benefits? as in, i beneFIT this dick up his ass ayy lmao” he lamaoed thru his tears.

the nurse kept askieng quetions but hizashy was sobbing too loudely to hear so he just said yes bc why not its good enouff 4 improv rite? the nurses let haizashi pass so he RAN into shotuas room, screming so loudly he killed like four people and a dog.

shoauta looked like he’d gotten fucked by knife dicks in all six holes at once. one of his legs was being held together with silly string and glue (aizawa was sniffing the bottel) and he was covered in blood and helo kitty bandaids. to put it simply he looked fine as fuck and mic was super fuckign horny for him but his teeers killed his boner

“mike u ignoernt slut ur so fcukin loud” aizawa moaned, taking a big hit from the glue bottle.

hizashey wanted to screm but he didnt want to get sued for murdeer again like last time so he kept his mouth shut by tenderly taking the glue bottle from aizawa and shovig it up his own ass.

“wat, arent u gonna offer me some simpathy sex?” aizawa asked raiesing an eyberow.

“maybe later” hixzashy wept sobbily. “right now im too full of emotion and ass glue to present my mic up ur bootyhole.

aizawa tenderly patted mic on the cheek with his scotch-taped cock (cock tape) and then licked the tears off his nuts. “its all good in the hood”

“All is N OT good in the hood you jelly filled fucknut!” mic screamed tearfully and angrily. “what if u are is DIED??? then the two of us could never cha-cha real smooth again!??? HOW COD U DO THIS TO MEH>???? IF U DIED,,,,,,” hizsahy cried and nutted at the same time “i’d die 2 bc my gay ass cant fuckien drive but its too far to walk 2 school so id try yo drive anyway and id crash the car and die and it would be ALL UR FOLT!!!!”

aizawa just rolled over in the hosptial bed and ripped his hospital gown open,e xposing his lush bird nest of chest hair and supple pink nips screaming out for slurpage. “ur so dramatic” he whsiepred seductively. “why dont u quit the shakespeare and start suckspeareing me off?”

hizashy wiped away his tears and got to succking. the nurse walked in as hizashi was giving aizawa some eraserHEAD if u know wat i mean. she crumbeled some paperwork into balls and threw them at mic and them stormed off.

“FILL THOSE OUT YA GODDAMN TWINK”

mic fillde out the paperwork with aizawas pen(is) and tehn tenderly cradeld aizawa in his arms (carefully cupping his nuts for protecktion of course) and got on the roomba he used insted of a car bc his gay ass never learned how 2 fuckin driev. “vrroom vroom bitch” he said as they sped away at a blistering pace of .005 mph from the hospital. “the ass-magnet 9000 is in motion fuckers!”

‘take me 2 taco bell” aizawa whined. “i hav some casual craigstlist sex solicitors to meet for dinner tonite”

“NO CASUAL CRAGESLIST SEX UNTIL U RECOVER FROM UR INJURIES!” hizashi screamed. “IM GONNA TAKE CARE OF U, U BIG SALTY BABY” hizashy was super mcfuckin gay for aizwa so watching him get fucked the hell up and then just want to immedetly get back on the plow horse (so to speak) and jump into th e casual craigslist sex wasnt fun.

hziashi did a sick ollie off his roomba and knocked the door down with his throbbing erection only to promptyl start sobbing when he got a dick splinter.

“u dum fuck thats wy u shoud go thru the door like a normal person” aizawa grumbled as he sucked out the dick splinter. “for fucking out loud even that 5 dollar thottie ALL MIGHT, SYMBOL OF PEACE TM goes thru doors like a normal person.” shouta thought for amoment. “well except for the one time at that christmas party in april,,”

“well YEAH but if i didnt kick down the door dick first wat kind of pro hero wold i be?” hizashi protested

“one wihtoout dick splinters”

“ya ok tru”

hizashy threw aizawa over his shoulder like a thicc sack of poatatos and caried him 2 his lightning mcqueen racecar bed where they made the sekcs for 35 seconds before aizawa fell asleep. mic, exhausted from the hwole dick splinter fiasco, fell aslep too, resting his head on shoutas soft pillowy ass.

he woke up the next morning when nemuri broke down his door and started kicking his ass “HIZASSHI YOU STUPID BITCH HO W D ARE U GET MARRIED WITHOUT ME????”

tensei, who had been wheeled in in a weelbarrow, slapped mic in the face with one of those rubber stretchy extendy hands that he carried around for that express purpose. “YEAH YOU WHORE I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A BRIDESMAID DAMMIT I ALREADY HAD MY OUTFIT ALL PICKED OUT I WAS GONNA WEAR THIS DANK ASS SONIC THE HEDGEHOG COSPLAY AND U FUCKERS R O B B ED ME OF MY HAPPINESS”

“wat in the fresh hell are u talkign about?” hizash asked confusedly.

tensei whipped out his rose gold iphone 69 and hsowed hiszashi a news report that said “THEY GAY BITCH” followed by a picture of mic and aizawa doin the scooby dooby doo on the hospital bed.

“Everyones shook af by the news that screme mcmeme, also known as president michael, and iceicezawa are married!” the report said. there was a picture of one of the paramedics mic had accidently murdered with his screaming. before dying she had apparently tweeted to the news and told them that mic had said YEAH when she asked if he was married to the patient shoota and so now everyone in the world new they were gay and thogth they were married!!!

some ppl like tensei and nemuri were happy (about the marriege anyway, in general tensei wasnt happy bc his twitter had got hacked and the entire internet could see his turbo-nudes and his ingeniDONG) but there were some bitch ass hos that were not plesed with this developement.

for example endevor had posted in the yuotube comments of a video entirely unrelated to the marraige thing “these daM hOME OF SEXAULS keep ruinging eeverything with their GAY AJENDA!!!! my son looked at a Gay once and hes fuckin gay now, thx oBamA!!111! THIS IS THE FUTERE LIBERALS WANT!11! present mic?? more like present CUCK!!1!”

hizashi dropped the phone. how was he gonna explain this to the internet? how was he gonna explain this to shouta?!?????

tune in next week for more fuckery, i can probably get this done in three chapters lol, if not three then DEFINITELY six, it sure would be wild if it ended up being nine chapters huh lamao

#bnha #erasermic #tag yourself im present cuck

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riverdaleroundup · 7 years ago

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Riverdale Roundup: 2x08 “House of the Devil”

Alright so here we go

Jughead has made the bar his new pops and has decided to take to writing his dramatic ass novel there. Is this like an all ages place? I know I say this a lot but jughead is 15.

Veronica and Archie are also 15 but are going at it like it’s the end of the world. Veronica honest to god bites him and it’s just so much that I can barely handle it. When Jughead was talking about Archie and Veronica creating the opposite of death in his bedroom I honestly thought that they were like hinting at a pregnancy scare type thing but like whatever. They just continue to sin all over the place and have all the sex all the time. They literally get it on infront of the fireplace on a fur rug that Daddy worked hard to pay for.

Archie proclaims his love for Veronica post fuck and she’s like ummm let’s watch some netflix? Or HBO. Honestly she’d probably settle for Cravetv if it meant that she didn’t have to have this conversation. Master of avoidance.

Jughead and Betty are chilling at Pops and discussing the Riverdale Reaper. Betty knows about the creepy truck driver so like does she know that Jughead has been running drugs? They discuss going to Sheriff Hot Bod with this information but Betty like JUST accused him of murder so they decide to give him a break from their nagging.I don’t know what it is about Jugheads jacket but he honestly looks like he got it at forever 21. Jughead gets a call from an unknown number and honestly Betty probably feels pretty triggered about it. By the grace of god FP is getting out of jail and i’m so excited about it because honestly I adore him more than I should.

FP is getting out because of overcrowding and honestly this is so how Khloe Kardashian only have to spend like 35 minutes in jail. Praise the justice system.

Jughead and Betty are busy with his dad so they ask Archie and Veronica to head the investigation on the Riverdale Reaper and they are pissed. They have basically just been given a pile of homework and neither of them are the brains of the operation. They don’t know how to solve murders, all they know how to do is fuck.

So Cheryl and Josie are in the locker room and Cheryl is ready to roll up in all her bi curious glory and give Josie a nice back rub that in her mind will lead to them falling in love. The janitor rolls up and Cheryl is ready to have the man fired for ruining their moment.

Veronica gets home to find Sherif Keller in her house and honestly she’d probably panting. The lodges have received a threatening letter from the black hood but they aren’t that concerned about it. Veronica is a little worried because she and archie have been sinning all over town.

Mr and Mrs Lodge think that Veronica should use Archie as like a bodyguard in hopes that he’ll pull a Moose and protect her with his muscles if someone starts shooting at them.

Betty wants to borrow the family car to go pick up FP and i’m like okay did all these kids turn 16 without me noticing? I guess that Jughead did have a birthday, but they spent so much time solving murders and getting into so much hyjinx so when did they have time to get their learner's permits and their required supervised driving hours?

All the serpents are excited to have FP back and for things to get lit. Tall Boy doesn’t like change and thinks that talking to the mayor is a bad idea and that Jughead needs to stop acting like he’s the big man on campus because he’s literally been in the gang for maybe half an hour. Jughead tells Tall Boy to stop being a lil bitch and then everyone cheers. We get a quick shot of Sweet Pea and i’m like oh i forgot about you. You’re kind really hot. So like he can stay. Toni Topaz is still just hanging around and I still don’t like her. I don’t want to not like her but like come on.

Archie comes over to Veronica's and really wants to talk about his feelings but V is like” hmmm no how about be don’t and we just get busy instead?”

Archie and Veronica both seek their parents advice about the Love issue and it’s honestly a little awk.

FP walks out of jail like a true baller and i’m just so glad that he’s back. Daddys Home. Alice came with them to pick up FP and is like “ so how sexually frustrated are you?” ALICE OMG!

So FP isn’t going to be a serpent anymore? What happened to being a serpent for life? Alice knows that if FP is going to be a waiter he’s going to turn back to drinking real quick. Waiting tables will have him hitting the bottle within the hour.

Archie and Veronica keep it in their pants for long enough to start the investigation and find out that they need to go to the devil's house.

So FP and Jughead suddenly both have their own motorcycles and they go on a father son ride. I just want to say again how much I love FP. Jughead is a dumb little bitch and lies to FP about Penny. We find out that FP was in the army and i’m just like “ that’s hot”. Jugheads hair is just so intense in this scene and It needs to calm down a little bit. FP just wants Jughead to pursue his dreams of being a writer. He’s just such a good dad.

So Reggie has his Daddy offer Josie 5 thousand dollars to perform at his car dealership so that he can get a date with her and i’m like who knew Reggie had so much cash on hand. That’s hot. But I mean come on Reggie.That’s a little desperate. Play hard to get.

Cheryl starts coming for FP and Jughead is not having it. Jughead wants his Daddy to be treated like a king and won’t settle for less. FP is top shit and everyone should know it. Betty wants to throw him a party because the only things she knows how to do is throw parties and solve murders.

Betty rolls up to the bar and Toni is working there and i’m like okay that’s so fake. She can’t be a bartender she’s literally a child. Betty and Toni chat like old friends and Betty admits to wanting to be serpent adjacent which is so a sentence I would say just in my everyday life. Some old serpent bat is like Betty you have to do this serpent strip tease and she also calls her Sweet Valley High and no nick name has ever been so fitting. She is so an elizabeth I just can’t handle it, but watch out here comes dark Betty.

So they’re going to have a retirement Party for FP. So i guess you can just leave a gang whenever you want. That just doesn’t seem on brand.

Penny calls Jughead and makes him come meet her at pops for another secret chat. Jughead is like “fuck you Penny this was a one time thing” and she’s like “ I already told you i’m blackmailing you did you forget?”. Jughead once again decides that he has the authority to speak for the whole gang and tells Penny to go fuck herself. He tries to make a dramatic exit but then Penny is like “ Um i’ll murder your girlfriend so you better do what I say.” So poor little Juggie is in a pickle.

Veronica and Archie head out ot the devil's house and she’s wearing a cape AGAIN. We find out there’s a third child who didn’t get murdered so now they gotta hunt this guy down. This is more detective work then they’ve done the whole series so they are probably very tired.

Alice storms into Pops to have a chat with FP about their children and not letting Betty get wrapped up in the serpents. Okay i’m so strongly getting the vibe that something went down with FP and Alice back in the day. Like come on “ They weren’t all mistakes”. FP is like come to the party and Alice thinks he’s high and besides her boring husband would never come. FP tells her to leave Hal at home wink wink. Like honestly shove it Hal. I’m so convinced now that they had a thing or something like. Freak. Honestly this has the potential to be so gossip girl. Jughead and Betty are about to be the new Dan and Serena with their parents having a romantic past. I could be wrong but whatever.

So they finally get the whole scooby gang together and Archie and Veronica report their findings to bughead. Betty and Jughead have a party to plan which they forgot to invite Archie and Veronica to so they have to leave the rest of the investigation to the B team.

So the janitor is the third kid and they find out that the riverdale reaper is dead so there goes that lead but I don’t think we’re done with the janitor yet.

Betty practices being sexy in the mirror and honestly it’s kind of tough to watch. Yikes what's going to happen? Oh shit she took her hair down. It’s about to get real.

Alice and Betty roll up to the bar and Alice Cooper doesn’t do anything half assed so she’s in her biker best. She’s like living her best life and getting shots but she’s got Bettys back and she’s ordered her a shirley temple.

Archie and Veronica have a talk and Archie gets all pissy that Veronica doesn't love him.

They sing Mad World and i’m like okay so is this show supposed to use songs that put me in such a depressive state that I want to swallow a hand full of sedatives, drink a bottle of wine and sink into a bath to live out the final moments of my life?

Also the sheer number of musical numbers in this show like i’m sorry i didn’t know i was watching glee.Archie and Veronica bail and Betty saves the day. Holy shit she takes off her clothes what the actual fuck you literal 15-16 year old. I’m dying. Omg stop. I can’t do this. Jughead is like not living his best life. Alice is not ready for this. I’m not ready for this. Alice wanted her to dress more like serpent but she didn’t mean like this. FP leads an awkward clap for Betty and then gives her his jacket so that she can cover up for christ sake.

FP gives this big speech and honestly kind of calls out Jughead for not always being on his side. FP is still going to be the HBIC of the serpents and I’m like “ yas. These are your people” . Jughead is like not happy about it but like he thought that FP was still going to be a serpent before so like….

Oh shit. FP knows about Penny and is staying a Serpent to protect Jughead. He is pissed that Jughead didn’t do the only thing he asked him to do. FP is here to clean up the mess. He’s doing what he has to do. What he always does. He’s just the best. That forehead kiss broke my damn heart. I love him.

Okay so like did Archie and Veronica just break up because Veronica isn’t ready to love him? Jughead doesn’t want Betty to get wrapped up in the Serpent world so he’s breaking up with her to protect her? Yikes. Why is everyone getting dumped? This is such drama.

Oh shit so now Archie is going to go after Betty because he knows that she can love him? Fuck. I can’t deal with this.

Alright now for real. Where is Smithers? There must have been a reason they had him replaced with Andre. Where is Kevin? Hanging out with his hot dad? Where is Reggie? Hanging out with his rich dad? For the love of god WHERE IS MOOSE?

#riverdale #the cw #the cw riverdale #Bughead #betty cooper #jughead jones #betty x jughead #veronica lodge #archie andrews #varchie #veronica x archie #cheryl blossom #fp jones #alice cooper

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