#-even try but my grandma is also with us rn and i don’t want to get her sick. and i can’t constantly keep worrying about this either i quit

[mayoiayasep]

where’s that one post about overthinking if you have covid or not i need to put it in my pinned

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - It's odd rn but VERY PRETTY

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

Oct 2024 Week 1

Ongoing Series - Thai

Jack & Joker (Thai Mon IQIYI) ep 4 of 12 - I love Joke so much! And I love War in this role so much. It’s great. This is a great show it’s such fun. The comedy is somewhat leaving me flat. But that’s normal for me in this kind of Thai BL. I also like Hope. I shouldn’t, but I do. I love the little girl character as well, and I do believe that Joke has found his scion in her.

(As per usual the grandma of this BL speaks for all of us.)

Kidnap (Fri YT) ep 5 of 12 - Coils be coiling. Mummy dearest is v hot. I do like the twist on the henchmen. It would’ve been really gut-wrenching if Q had put the rope around his own wrist the night that he slept by himself (or tried to). And they have now made "the promise that is destined to be broken" waves at trope. Meanwhile, great flirting. Next week being episode six we should be getting our kiss.

(Was GMMTV gently poking at Jack & Joker with that play-within-a-play reference to Jack as Min's stunt part?)

Fourever You (Thai Thurs YT) ep 1 of 16 - Sampler pack university BL from Wabi Sabi that's trying to be a gay Boys Over Flowers (4 older med student hot boys + frosh) and it’s exactly what I want right now. Is it good? No, not really. Do I care? Not at all. It is, in fact, boys over flowers... only boys no flowers. I really couldn’t want anything more than that. What can I say? I’m easy. I love a pining seme. I guess what I am saying is, I am trash for trash. Inject this shit directly into my eyeballs.

Love Sick 2024 (Thai Sun iQIYI) ep 3 of 15 - At least in this version they talk bit more with each other about what’s going on. (Then again in the original we didn't need it, the acting was so good.) Still it’s a lot more modern to see representation of communication, but but the previous version felt more honest to teen behavior. This open communication entirely changes the push pull dynamic of Phun & Noh's whole relationship. I actually LIKE that change because it makes it very different from the original. I’ve been hoping that this one would veer in a different direction. I'm enjoying that they've made it Phun with the long term crush, and that he’s sort of testing himself with heterosexuality. It is selfish, but it is also a very rich kid thing to do. I love the shouted confessions and the decision to not date. This is a really good twist on the original. I’m liking this a hell of a lot more now that it’s substantially changed in direction, if not in tone.

Monster Next Door (Thai Thurs Gaga ) ep 11 of 12 - It’s very sweet and wholesome. And everyone kisses pretty. And I do like the communication and green flag aspects of this show. But I'm also finding it a touch dull. 

Battle of the Writers (Sun YT) ep 9 of 12 - I don’t know. The pretending to be blind thing is weird. This whole show is weird. I’m kinda weirded out by it. I like the two side couples well enough, but we get barely any time with them at all.

I Saw You in My Dream (Weds Gaga) ep 12 fin - I like that they did come around to the dreaming thing as a major plot point in the end. Even though it felt like they forgot about it in the middle. And I liked that it was an inherited family trait. I didn’t expect that (should have, but I didn't). And I thought it suited this kind of drama, even if it was a little pat. The whole family helping at the very end was very sweet and a nice full circle for the narrative. (Like the Ae's family sort of adopting the next-door kids originally. 

Summation

A cute friends to lovers romance, that’s a little bit like the stepbrothers trope since these two grow up next-door to each other and in and out of each other’s lives. The paranormal element is about prophetic dreams, and it is threaded through the narrative even if it gets somewhat lost in the muddy middle. All in all, a sweet fun little series with decent chemistry. 8/10

Addicted Heroin (Thai Tues WeTV) ep 8 of 10 - I've totally forgotten what’s going on. There was another kidnapping. Maybe they’re actually dating now? I don’t know. Honestly, it won’t really matter cause everything will change by the end of this episode... again. That said, I did love the parental confrontation sequence. It’s not as good as in the original because it’s a lot more direct and modernized, but it was pleasingly aggressive. Which I weirdly appreciated for the military angle. The cross-dressing thing was odd. The dolls advertising thing is even odder. Jealous baby on sports day was good though.

Bad Guy My Boss (Thai Sun Gaga) ep 3 of 10 - Why did I feel like I’ve seen this entire episode already. It’s just different characters saying the same thing to the main characters or flirting the same way or whatever. 

Live in Love (Sun Gaga) ep 5 fin - I did not like this ep at all. Fully half of it was evil backstabbing and some bullying and some sort of trying to engender sympathy for a friendship betrayal. And I was not on board. (Wouldn’t mind seen Hali and that cute kid in something together tho.) 

Conclusion

Basically this was a story about online relationships and how they interface with the real world, and in personal friendships, plus bullying of all types and some backstabbing and shipping. The acting was weak, the sound was terrible, and generally it was an old style pulp offering. It tried to deal with some interesting issues, but was awfully clumsy about it. 5/10 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Sugar Dog Life (Japan Sun grey) ep 9 fin - Such a great confession, so truthful and earnest and honest. And he’s also like that with his friends. And such a nice answer. I love that during the cool off they both realize how very much they both act like are boyfriends to each other all the time. Ooo running of the gays! And we even got a cute little smile kiss!!!! and an adorable boyfriend montage at the end. How unexpectedly satisfying of you, Japan!

Summation 

This is a phenomenally charming and adorable little romance about a forlorn university kid and the police officer who adopts him. They are relentlessly kind to each other, in fact it’s an extremely kindly show over all (everyone in it is so nice to everyone else including us) so there’s very little tension. But what it lacks in drive and complexity it makes up for in earnest acts of service and simple affection. These two are basically boyfriends from the get-go, it’s just one of them acts like it and doesn’t realize it and the other one realizes it and has to figure out how to make it a reality. It’s incredibly sweet and incredibly wholesome, nourishing but delicious. Everybody who can should watch this show. It will make you feel better about life. 

Easy 9/10 on this one from me.  

GO WATCH IT  

Teenager Judge (Vietnam Sat YT) ep 2 of ? - We have some semblance of a plot! Yay! Our BV tsundere character is secretly an online judge who whistleblows and exposes corruption in the school system. How very Pump Up the Volume. I am not mad about it. Also 2 of the prettiest seme bullies EVER. The epic pout-off with these bad boys. Be still my heart.

Our Golden Times (Hong Knong ??? YT) 1-4 of ? - Billed as a BL from Hong Kong I’m not sure we can trust this one to a get finished or be cohesive or have an HEA. But the optics are good. Everybody’s very pretty. It’s chaotic and clumsy and a little odd. But most of the stuff on my dash is these days, so what the hell? And ya know what, I kinda like it.

Love is Like a Poison AKA Doku Koi: Doku mo Sugireba Koi to Naru (Japan Tues Netflix?) 4 of 10 eps - It remains entertaining but off kilter in that way that indicates 50% chance of ultimate dissatisfaction in the JBL pantheon. 

First Note Of Love (Taiwan Mon Gaga) ep 9 of 12 - I wish we knew a little bit more about Sea's background/family. Neil should just tell him what the hell is going on. Why wouldn’t he? Instead they artificially wedged the main couple apart for most of this episode and Orca wasn’t there at all? = Not a good episode IMHO.

It's airing but...

My Damn Business (Korea Sat ????) 7 eps - supposedly airing on Saturdays starting 10/5 have no roleand I found the trailer but nothing else.

The Hidden Moon (Sat WeTV) ep 1 of 10 - This is a supernatural romance (my ghost boyfriend trope) by Violet Rain (I Feel You Linger). A man is hired to write an article about an old mansion in Chiang Mai being converted into a café. He sees the ghosts of people who died at the mansion, falls in love with one of them. Was substantially recast. I loved IFYLITA except the ending so I think I'll let this one run it's course you can tell me if it's work tracking down... if they managed to land it. I have my doubts.

Next Week Looks Like This:

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

Coming Oct 2024:

10/7 Every You Every Me (Thai Mon Gaga) 10 eps - Jade and Chin have lived over a thousand lifetimes. In each one they somehow manage to fall in love with each other. (This pair, TopMick was piloted in a My Universe ep, that was one of the only ones I liked.)

10/10 Eccentric Romance (Korea Thurs Viki & Gaga) 12 eps - Silkwood’s 2nd Thai/Korean colab, that has been in production since 2022 which is a LONG time in the BL world. I'm worried but I like the concept: friends of 10 years who’ve been hiding feelings for each other enter the same university. Plus MURDER.

10/10 Gangster and His Boyfriend (Korea Thurs ????) 8 eps? - Kim Dong Bin (famous trainee & idol reality competitor, yeah that happens) stars as a fallen idol who unexpectedly becomes entangled in a gangster family. Discovers that his friend’s father is responsible for the murder of his entire family years ago. I don't know much about this one, neither does anyone else and I'm not sure where I got that release date so……

10/21 Love in the Big City (Korea ????) 8 eps - Okay both a movie (already out) and a series. Neither one is likely BL and I can't imagine it will end happily. I'm giving both a pass but here's your synopsis.

Cynical fun loving student Young pinballs from home, to class, to on night stands. He and Jaehee, his female besie and roommate, frequent nearby bars where they push away their worries about life, love, and money with soju and hookups.

10/23 See Your Love (Taiwan Gaga Viki) 10 eps? - Zi Xiong, a third-generation heir, attempting to flee from taking over their family business, meets and falls in love with Shao Peng, who works as a hearing-impaired nurse. From the same production house as Kiseki Dear To Me in partnership with Shinehouse Theatre, funded by Taiwan’s BIGART + Japan's Rakuten (Viki). Show includes Lin Chia Yo (Be Loved in House: I Do). Director Chiang Ping Chen’s childhood experiences with his deaf uncle have inspired the drama.

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

I kinda love it when someone else does the prophetic claiming. Our Golden Times

Crumbs in Summer Nights but they very cute crumbs. We didn't even really get to see them get together but I'm glad that they are.

(Last week)

Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are a pain.

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @sunflower-positiiivity @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious @saezurumurmurs

Sigh, Tumblr in its infinite wisdom doesn't like too many at-ings.

[6sixx6sexual6]

Can u do nikki x fem reader angst please im dying for some angst rn PLEASE

SORRY IVE BEEN SLACKING ON REQUESTS AND THIS IS MY FIRST TIME WRITING ANGST REALLY AND I WAS ALSO HIGH SO IT PROBABLY SUCKS.

word count: 1,301

warnings: drugs, alcohol, thats kinda it, mentions of sex once.

Nikki was starting to realize he was an addict. He didn't wanna spend 5,000 dollars a day on drugs. He didn't wanna shoot up every 30 minutes and nod off. he even missed his grandmas funeral because he chose to get high. A while back he and his girlfriend of well over a couple of years (not counting the numerous breakups) argued, she doesn't come around to their house as much, and Nikki hadn't talked to Vince, Tommy, or Mick in weeks and Nikki felt like he had nobody. he had another “girlfriend” who was just his drug buddy and used the excuse of being together just to shoot up. they didn't even have sex at all.

Nikki and the chick were on the couch. Nikki was either passed out or bearly awake. there were needles and spoons around them, Nikki still had the blue band around his arm as he was laid out on the couch.

you stumbled in the house for the first time in maybe 2 weeks. the house was still a mess from all the parties thrown but that was weeks ago. you went to find him and saw him in the living room with that girl and they both looked awful, you almost didn't know it was Nikki. you leaned against the archway with a bottle of liquor in your hand. "I'm going to Vegas." you told him. why? because you felt like going

Nikki could vaguely hear a familiar voice through the fog in his brain. He attempted to sit up against the arm of the couch, his eyes slowly opening as much as they could.

“What..?” he mumbled, his eyes glancing over at you as he slowly registered your presence. he couldn’t remember the last time he saw you.

"I'm going to Vegas." you repeated. Nikki looked awful. if you had seen him like this a couple of years ago you would've taken care of him making sure he was good as new. but you've done that for years and Nikki took it for granted. you got tired of taking care of him so you stopped when he needed it most.

Nikki watched you, his eyes barely open. he tried to gather his thoughts to say something to you, but his brain wasn’t working fast enough. a couple of years ago, if you had said the same thing he would’ve jumped up and asked why, worried that something was wrong. this time he just stayed where he was on the couch, watching you and slurring his words. “For how long..?” he mumbled, running a hand through his hair.

"I dunno." you answered. "til I feel like coming back." you said and took a swing from your bottle. not your first bottle of the night.

He tried to process what you said, but his mind felt muddled. He couldn’t remember the last time you had been around months ago. The last time he had seen you, you guys had ended up in a big fight.

“Don’t..you…” he trailed off, not even knowing what he was about to say. he ran a hand along his face again, trying to brush away the fog. “You’re ditching me…” he muttered.

"I'll be back." you mumbled and closed your eyes as you messed with your hair "You'll be fine.. m' not your mommy." you mumbled again little just from being drunk.

That made him scoff quietly, and he opened his eyes a little wider at that. He would’ve argued with you if his mind was clear. he would’ve said things like “I never said you were.” or “I don’t need you to be.” he would’ve said those things and fought with you like usual. But not right now. he was too out of it. “What if I want you to be..?” he mumbled into his hand.

you opened your eyes and looked at him for a few seconds. "then you're a few months too late." you said quietly. not softly, but quieter. it wasn't like him to ask something like that and it wasn't like you to answer like that, but we're changing and drifting apart. the whole band was. Tommy was married to Heather, no one spoke to Vince in prison, so he didn't speak to them, and no one ever knew where Mick was.

He frowned at your words and slowly sat up all the way, his eyes looking over at you. He hated hearing that from you, but he couldn’t bring himself to argue right now. not when he really wanted to. “A couple months too late..” he thought to himself. Had things really gotten this bad?

he looked down at his arms, the needle marks and old track marks were on full display. he then glanced back up at you. “I miss you..” he muttered.

you hum and looked at the ground while you were against the archway. you missed him too. a lot. but you've tried and tried for years taking care of him, loving him through everything, and he didn't do anything. you got sick of the one-way treatment. "yeah." you answered quietly.

He sighed and shut his eyes again, feeling a wave of guilt wash over him like it did every time he thought of you. he knew he hadn’t treated you like you deserved. not always. how many times had he gotten so high and said hurtful things that he didn’t mean? how many times had he gotten drunk and ignored you in favor of a party? He couldn’t even count on two hands the amount of times he caused you to cry. “I’m sorry..” he mumbled.

you felt a pang of guilt in your chest but you didn't say anything. you looked down at the bottle of liquor in your hand. what were you supposed to say? he knows you've forgiven him each time so what's this time gonna mean? "I have to pack." you told him.

Nikki stared at you, feeling a sense of hopelessness wash over him. he couldn’t blame you for leaving and had a feeling that you weren’t gonna come back. he had pushed you away so many times that he couldn’t expect you to come back.

he was silent for a few moments, not knowing what to say. a part of him wanted to ask you not to go, to beg you to stay and not leave him. but he didn’t say anything. he wasn’t in the right state of mind to.

when he didn't say anything you started walking to the stairs, your heeled boots clicked against the tile but were muted to a thud when you walked on the carpet stairs as his eyes followed you. He watched you disappear and head upstairs to your shared room, feeling an empty sort of pain in his chest. he stared down at his hands before he looked over at the girl sitting next to him. She just sat there in a daze, completely lost in a high. He wanted to get up and go up and stop you, to beg you to stay. his mouth opened like he was going to speak, but he didn’t say anything.

you went to your room that he was sharing with his drug buddy, the room was littered with needles and all kinds of things. it was a mess. you went into the closet, got a suitcase and threw whatever you had left in the closet in the suitcase and what his girlfriend hadn't taken. you took the suitcase downstairs.

you walked with the suitcase trailing behind you. and you looked back at the living room to tell Nikki goodbye, but when you looked at him he was already passed out with a needle in his arm. you looked at him for a couple more seconds before walking to the front door and leaving.

[short-black-diamond]

Hiii :)

Hope ur doing okay <3. I wanted to ask if u could make a part 2 of Tokyo revengers member with a hijabi girl but this time they’re married and it’s like a headcanon of how the guys act in public, or if they help her to dress up please ! :) (if u do it, I’m okay with all characters but can u add mitsuya plzzz)

I rlly don’t know if that’s clear bc English isn’t my first language but I hope it is and sorry for the typos !!

Btw hello from France, I love ur headcanons hehee :))

Heyyy, I hope everything is okay over there, France looks like it's burning rn from the news I'm getting. Also yeah I am totally doing this!

Also your english is pretty good so don't worry sweetheart,

Also I did not proofread

Characters : Ran, Rindou, Sanzu, Baji, Mitsuya

Tokyo revengers with a muslim wife :D

Part one , part two -> tr with a muslim friend

Ran

This slick mf

this click model lanky ass dude mf

how did you even get to date him? With his fvking braids???

Anyways, back to the now where he has a better haircut-

Since he is what we could say the main leader of Roppongi, he must also have access to many clothing shops

and when I tell you he let his underlings install as many modest shops as possible-

just to go on a walk with you and be like-

"Oh, that is new. Wanna go in and see some dresses or skirts for you?"

again, he is a slick mf

but you somehow love him so i let you vibbeeeee

"Oh, that looks nice- oop, nope, not for me.", you muttered after you checked the price on the tag of a pretty looking dress

but ran just took it and put it on his underarm like a waiter would

you felt bad the whole time

cuz like, everything is so expensive???

but no shit cuz it has qualityyyyy

chile anyways

you got like ten dresses and two abayas you wanted to "just try out"

mind you ran is actually planning to buy the whole store for you

but you are also no better, you are a lil shit as well

when you got to the place where they hung the hijabs, you smirked at him mischieviously

your were trying to hold in your laugh as you tapped him on the shoulder

"He-hey Ran...w-wanna try this out?", and you couldn't do no more than to burst out laughing

ran just smiled at you in fondness while he thought back to the day where you first led him to one of the stores you frequented and he wanted to make you laugh

so he put on a headshawl, but he looked more like a grandma than a modest woman

and you had that exact picture in mind as you were giggling

at least he was your husband now

he pays for everything, he is sweet to you, and you feel comfortable around him, even in public

y'all look like a power couple tbh

he looks rich and you're his precious woman

damn I'm feeling so single now. Thanks for requesting this. It's a great reminder on how I'll never find a rich man like him.

Rindou

shy, still surprised and happy that you decided to marry him

like, you married him? he was bald on both sides of his head in his teen age gírl!

he looks better now-

enough of the bullying, this tsundere man (I still know nothing about these guys) had the same idea as his older brother and so, there were many shops, but under his name. He financed them, and so it was no surprise when he took you out on a shopping spree, only for you to take whatever you want

safe to say he fell in love all over again when he saw you happily strolling ahead and picked some clothes for yourself

he also loves showing you off

like, he's also lucky that you don't mind stepping out in public with him

y'all also look like a power couple

and honestly, he thinks that you look absolutely beautiful, covered in the finest silk and smiling that sweet smile of yours

Sanzu

You were the reason he stopped falling into the abyss of temporary ecstasy, which would lead to his death

He was surprised that you didn't look at him weirdly

and now, he is happy to call himself your husband

he loves touching the different susbances like jersey, silk, or cotton cloth, which you would use to cover your head with

"This one looks nice! Want me to buy it for you?"

Such a sweet man for you

always tells you when there's hair visible, also stands in front of you, looking down on you with a fond smile as you hurriedly fix your hijab

loves holding your hand and swinging it around

Feels much better when you tell him about Islam and stories from the prophets

wants to protect you at all costs because you're just so beautiful and sweet and he wouldn't be able to live alone anymore if something happened to you,

I mean,

you saved him from the drugs and alcohol, he wants to save you form all the bastards outside

Baji

You guys got together because he beated up a few guys who were harrassing you

stares at the men who look at you for longer than 0.0000001 second

like Baji...

please-

anyways

hates it when you wash your stuff and he has to iron them then, because he fears that he'd either not iron it perfectly, or the iron burns your precious and expensive cloths

you always tell him to let you do it yourself, his deadass response is always:

"If I can't iron my wife's clothes then what type of man am I?!?"

We love Baji

Is also in love with your cooking? Or when you go to a restaurant which has your traditional food, he is all in

wants to have kids with you, like in the first month of being married, he was like, "would you like to start a family? I'd love to see my daughters wearing hijabs as well"

Goals

we got him, sisters

You smile, "Let's wait a little"

Like c'mon Baji, let your wife have a calm live, kids can come later

but he still managed to put you into a baby fever

Sends you fucking videos of mothers playing with their daughters

little girls putting on niqabs

little biys praying alongside or behind their father

Baji got taught how to pray by you, your father, or his newly found friends in mosques

he wants to have children so bad, and the fact that Islam is not just a religion but the way of living life, he wants to teach his younglings as well

(How did I think about kids all of a sudden???)

Mitsuya

You better believe that when you ask him to go buy clothes with you, he's only looking for ideal cotton which won't irritate your skin

will make you feel guilty by saying: "don't you trust my skills?"

damn another gaslighter, but in a healthy way

I mean, sure, buying cotton itself is expensive, but at least he knows what fits you spot on and you don't have to look for stuff that you'll only wear once a month

takes lessons on how to make the perfect hijab and dress for you

I've said it once but I'll say it again,

GOALSSS

ok now here again

will have the same idea as baji and ask you if you'd like to have kids

to make them hijabs as well

In his next fashion meeting, he introduces the idea of having his models run the stage with modest clothing, and got accepted

when I tell you their marketing skyrocketed-

You're happy that your husband launches modest clothing for other muslims as well

---

Sorry if it got shorter and shorter but that was all I could come up with. And now looking back, I'm confused as to why Ran's is so long, I don't even like him, like wtf?

Anyways, I hope you liked it!

Leave a like or a comment! Reblog if you want to!

Read you in the next post!

[maepersonal]

ok new requirements for me liking you just dropped bc like why did I just come to the realization that I don’t want to spend time with any of my family members (except maybe my cousins)?

like my aunt on my mom’s side has always been my favorite family member but she came up to surprise me and I’m just… not having a good time????

like literally all she does is enable my fucking mother

*talking about how we have autism on all sides of the family* - “all your grandparents and great grandparents-“

shut tf up no the fuck we do not!!!!!! autism is more than just the social fucking awkwardness you are using as evidence!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*literally yelling my name until I take my headphones out* “I know you have a positive opinion of your grandma but when we were younger she would yell at your aunt for what we now call stimming”

1. literally where???? 2. what was the reason for telling me this??????? like bro I was READING!!!!!! 3. if that actually fucking happened then why would you do the EXACT SAME SHIT WITH ME?!?!? and have talked about her with glowing compliments until right this fucking moment??????? YOU HAVE YOUR OWN TRAUMA DO NOT TRY TO CO-OPT MINE

*reading aloud passages from books about the experience of having autism and adhd (every five fucking minutes!! while I’m trying to show my aunt something!!)* “this is exactly how my brain works! this explains so much!!!!!”

NO TF IT IS NOT!!!!!!! do you remember when you wasted 2000 fucking dollars trying to get yourself diagnosed with ANYTHING NEURODIVERGENT and you came back with NOTHING?!?!?!? HUH???? CUZ I DO!!!! YOU COULDNT LOOK ME IN THE EYE FOR A FUCKING WEEK

and also *asking me to read the books she’s reading about peoples experience and struggles living with autism and/or adhd*

like bitch?????? I fucking live that shit!!!! AND, as you very well know, my depression and burnout is so fucking bad rn that I can’t even read books for myself WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I’D READ THE BOOKS YOU BUY TO MAKE YOURSELF FEEL BETTER?!?!?!?

“can we take a break, my brain is getting overstimulated”

no no go ahead tell me more about your experience with overstimulation as you’re LITERALLY ACTIVELY BREAKING MY NO TOUCHY TOUCH BOUNDARY WHILE I’M IN THE MIDDLE OF A SHUTDOWN???????

*literally just starts reading a fucking news story about how trump released his lgbtq policies and how it left social justice orgs speechless*

WOW!!! this must affect you SO MUCH for you to be cheerily bringing it up when we’re watching tv!!!!!

[polyamorouspunk]

Sleepover Friday, usually I don’t use anon but anxiety is bad rn, I’m not feeling like I’m enough, both my partners are having a lot happen in their lives and I just don’t know how to help more, I have a lot to say but I don’t wanna be a pest and I just, any advice for shaking anxiety off?

Do you have a lot to say specifically to them? Because if so you can draft one really long message and just like edit it and when you feel like you’ve hit every point just send it to them and then put your phone away and focus on something else.

If you mean like you have a lot to say where you need to vent about your own things and don’t want to bother them, I would find a space that they’re not in and just vent about your stuff there, like this wonderful server for mentally ill polyamorous people where I yell about my problems to other adults:

My mom and I actually just had like a talk between us of like venting our shared issues (don’t have friends, not feeling good about life sometimes, etc.) and our unique issues (she has financial stress I don’t have, I have ‘do I need a new job’ stress she doesn’t have right now) but like I make sure that I have a few support systems to turn to (I vent on this blog, I vent in my server, I vent to my friends, I even vent to my coworkers) but my mom said that she can tell she’s venting too much to my grandma and that my grandma has started letting what my mom vents go in one ear and out the other and that she needs to vent less and like… I get it I feel like I vent in my server too much even though it’s MY server…

I guess in a way I’m lucky that I’m the person going through it the most I think at least openly that I know. Like yes of course everyone I know has problems but I think they’re… handling it better than me… you know, not falling back into SH, making suicide jokes, trying to decide if they should uproot their entire lives because 1 girl rejected them…. You know shit like that….

Honestly my advice has been and always will be just find a tv show or a book series or a game and just lose yourself in it so you don’t focus on your own shit you’re focusing on a piece of media instead. And I mean that can be debilitating, I know for a while I was watching a show and I was like “work is interfering with my comfort show” and that’s… that’s not helping. But like it’s better than the kind of crippling depression that leaves you like? Self harming and a sobbing mess in bed? Like at least I can be obsessed with a show?

Alternatively, getting out of the house and like… DOING something? Also helps. Like now I go to Virginia Beach and take time to myself to go to the beach and relax, go shopping, take a long but relatively easy drive… that helps too.

[spinobsessed]

Everything Sucks Rn

tw: mention of sa near the end

my parents insisted on me getting my hair braided at a place none of us have been to before just bc it was cheaper, I absolutely hate how it looks and I have a headache from the braids and when I try to sleep tonight it’s going to hurt; and it’ll take hours for my mom to take out all the braids so now there’s wasted money and nobody is happy.

The bed is so uncomfy too, I already wake up in the middle of the night on a daily basis and this is just making it harder to sleep. the mattress isn’t very soft and the pillows constantly sink in and feel like I’m abt to fall off when I’m literally not.

I have 4 math things and some chapter annotations to finish along with key dates/places to memorize just for school which starts next Monday. I forgot that there were 10 math tasks and not just one so that is a tiring headache that takes up hours to do bc it’s hard. Idk how I’m gonna memorize this history stuff but the chapters won’t be hard.

I am not prepared to go to school I wanted to look pretty and I need to get all my stuff together but since we moved idk where everything is and what I do or don’t have and I’m just so annoyed and in pain rn.

I was especially hurt that my parents don’t know anything about me. It is so incredibly infuriating that I can’t rely on them to make good decisions for me bc they claim they don’t know enough abt me to make choices they think I’d like. I have never gotten a true suprise gift from them past the age where I just wanted any and every toy, they know I like to have things one way. They knew I wanted to get my hair done at the place I got it done last time, they also know that I’d rather not do smth than do it differently. This headache is for absolutely nothing, the hours I spent in that salon were for nothing, the nosebleed I got in that salon was for nothing, and the time I could’ve spent doing my summer assignments was wasted for nothing! I am just so peeved but I’m incapable of being upset for more than a very VERY short while so I can’t even feel how I feel and get it out of my system. There is absolutely nothing I can do abt how I feel except tough it out and wait for things to get better but im not tough I’m sensitive and I just want to pass out for a month then wake up and pretend none of this happened.

also my grandma rubbed her hand across my chest -right where my boobs meet my chest-, and tried to put her face on my left boob twice but I nudged her away with my knee, and smacked my butt at least 3 times I just can’t do this right now. This is all too much I start school in 3 days I can’t deal with all of this. I can’t even get a good nights sleep I’m so restless and I can’t sleep in unless I’ve BEEN able to sleep in for days which I haven’t.

[emeraldbabygirl]

I feel like the only appropriate funeral attire is a black Victorian era dress. But I don’t have one and even if I could find one online it wouldn’t get here by the time the funeral happens. The only black dress I have is my maid dress but 1. It also has white on it and 2. that’s inappropriate unless I can cover up the part that gives it away that it’s a maid dress? Of course it’s pretty firm fitting without the apron and I do my have any overcoat long enough to put over it. And since it’ll be June it might be hot. Idk like I’ve only been to two funerals in my life and I can’t remember what I wore but I feel like anything other than black just ain’t right. I have a black skirt but since I were it up around my waist that’s too short for a funeral, and I have black pants but there’s a hole in it. I could cover the hole by wearing the skirt but that’s ridiculous and again it’ll prolly be hot. All I have is black graphic t shirts. And I have black shoes but one pair is boot heels and I am not walking around in boot heels again, the other pair are chunky flat heels? kinda but like sandals? I was thinking of just wearing my chucks but again who wears sneakers to a funeral. Idk I know that nowadays are different from back then but I don’t want to look bad for my grandma. I was originally thinking my blue dress I wore for my prom and graduation and either my chunky sandal heels or my chucks but I really don’t know now. Blue is my grandma’s favorite color, or was :( but the dress, although wonderfully made with pockets is like straps and I don’t feel comfortable with so much bare shoulders and such. I know at one point during prom I took off my lil black shawl..I suppose I could wear that but I don’t want people thinking I’m like over dressing I mean I want to..ugh I wish I had a plain king black dress cause my blue one is short and I don’t have black nylons I have half red and half black and I have nylons with cats on them and that’s goofy. Idk what to wear now. And I don’t want any family members to think I don’t know how to dress or something. I know a lot of older family isn’t coming. Idk what to do I’m not a funeral expert, the last one I went to was my uncle’s back in like 2010?? I don’t know what to do I can’t even wrap my head around the fact that I’m going to my grandma’s funeral. It’s been a week and it still doesn’t feel right, it’s odd in every way esp going to her house and she’s not there. I feel like I can’t feel anything even tho I’ve cried a few times already and I’m not working rn and I had an entire breakdown on the rug she bought us before she died like I think my brain is avoiding trying to process the situation. Idk it’s hard but I thought maybe I’d try to post here and see if anyone has any tips? I don’t have any dress pants either, like I thought I knew what I was going to wear but idk now :(

[justasadboi]

So like my mom told me today that my grandma called her and told her my uncle is currently oding on fent and it’s happened earlier this week too. And like she’s bipolar type 2 I think it is with like psychosis and because of their situation she hasn’t been taking her meds so she’s like super paranoid doesn’t want to call the cops but doesn’t want him to die and like all this shit. And I have to like be there for my mom and kinda help her thru it even tho I’m like the youngest and this totally isn’t my fucking job but whatever. But like I also don’t know how I’m supposed to like help her thru this but also like that my abuser and idk how to feel about this. Like I’ve wished death on him so much but then when I hear it actually is happening idk what to do with myself. Like I’m stress cleaning and shit and I don’t even know. I have convinced myself so much that it is true and on other days it isn’t true and I don’t think I’ll ever actually know cause all memory of when he lived with us is like gone from my brain and no matter how hard I try I can’t remember. Like I feel pulled in so many different directions with this. And my mom like called her later and made sure everything was okay but like wtf dude I didn’t need to know this. I can’t handle knowing this. And knowing that like eventually I’ll have to fly home alone to deal with all this. And I almost know for a fact that my sister won’t and I’ll be like alone with that is crazy. Idk what to do about this and I told my partner and his response was kinda just like idk what you want to hear I don’t know how to help and to tell his mom which I did but then we just kinda breezed past it and idk. Like no one really knows the truth and no one will and I can’t handle this rn with like literally everything else. I just want to go home but home isn’t home and I feel trapped and not okay.

[thexflyingxpotato]

Wednesday, November 15

2023

(10:02pm)

Today I woke up feeling sad and beat up, it was gloomy and raining outside so I went downstairs to prepare some tea. AND GUESS WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?!?! I was surprised with two kittens 😭😭😭

“Did you see the cats yet?”

Cats? Wait�� cat? MY cat? The one your aunt asked if I wanted one???

“Yeah! They’re right here *opens mesh bag on couch that’s been chilling there for a while* see? Take your pick. One is going to my sister”

🥺 they’ve been so quiet and haven’t meowed… I didn’t even know there were cats in the house. *looks inside and dies of cuteness*

———

I woke up sad but now I have kittens. It’s almost like… god really said “here, some cuddle cats for your recent troubles.”🥹

———

Also, I spoke too soon. So that whole, “I came home feeling light and not heavy like I expected”??? Well SURPRISE BITCH! Cuz the cPTSD has sunk in and been triggered. — I literally can feel my adrenaline rushing and pooling up the sides of my neck and tension concentrating in my upper back and shoulders. >.<

I’m easily irritable and am finding myself snapping at literally everything. The sad part of it all is the fact that I tried to take my highest dose of ashwaganda like I used to, to manage the adrenaline fatigue (I take it when I need it, and then take breaks so my body doesn’t build a tolerance) BUT THIS TIME ITS SO MUCH IT ISN’T WORKING AT ALL!!! 🥲😭

I noticed I hadn’t ate for two days straight… and it dawned on my only last night that seeing my mom at the viewing triggered me. And now, I am back in survival mode.

The first time it took me half a year to get my body to calm down and feel safe again after YEARS of abuse. Then one encounter happened and it took me 4 months. Then I was forced to run back into her just so I could have closure and grieve (my grandma died and it’s my mom’s mother… so no way I wouldn’t not see her there). And I’ve been looking for someone who would take me in for psycho therapy, but now I’ve been gifted cats to help me through this tough time 🥹🙏🏼

Life’s crazy but I feel blessed rn.

(Super quick update:

-my landlord got petty and anonymously reported my car to get it towed

-I then got stressed out about having enough and finding somewhere to get my remaining cars squared away so my landlord couldn’t have them taken away too

-my grandmother died

-I had to see my mom (my abuser) at my grandmas viewing. I had so much anxiety about running into fake ass family and having them tell me to mend things with my mom. —— turns out, everyone let me grieve and never brought it up.

-only my dad brought up that I should bring my son around more often (if at all) because “life is short and you might feel guilty about not doing so” 😒 how rich. My parents still owe ME an apology. And I’ve done my part and tried to fix things but they keep hurting me over and over again. I told him “I did my part, I feel no guilt.” Bold of him to assume I feel guilty for not seeing my grandma as much as I could in her last days… I spent my whole life with her and visited and even slept overnight with her when she was in the hospital when I could.

I don’t feel guilty. I feel at peace that she’s able to rest and not suffer in her aching body anymore. I also won’t feel guilt when my mom passes as he’s unaware of the horrible conversation she and I last had. If anything, he’s projecting his guilt onto me and trying to pass off his pride for mine.

-when I came home from the viewing I didn’t feel as heavy (energetically) as I had anticipated. Which was a good thing?

-but the next day I had a fever and body aches… then the next morning after that I felt a lot better but I kept spitting out blood and throwing up “nothing”. — I was worried about if I had worn all black to the viewing, it would absorb everyone’s energy. So I wore a white blouse and kept my hair in a bun. The part that sucked was that everyone was placing their hand in the middle of my upper back to say “sorry/ condolences” 😭😭😭 all their sadness and empathy, but also their fake ass vibes and envious energies (they were upset that I had a baby and hadn’t grown or changed in body figure like they expected me to) all transferred into the area between my shoulders. Where all the pain and “sickness” was felt.

-I had asked for only one cat… but now I think I was meant to have two this time around.

[transparenciess]

vent: moving back to ny

as for moving back to ny:

c for sure plays a bit into some of my thoughts, however i refuse to move for someone like that when i’m not even in a committed relationship with them.

it’s really a mix of things. i got my bachelors in may, which was the only reason i really didn’t consider going anywhere else for the past few years bc i really wanted to stick it out and finish college. now that i have that i can pretty much go anywhere.

i can’t stay here on the off chance that my friends decide not to move too. i don’t even know what cali is doing since i never see her but she could definitely move at any time. eli wants to move to another town and once they score a teaching job will definitely have to move anyways. they actually are thinking of moving to ny too which is cool. tabby is staying in boone and has sutton and i don’t want to leave her but i have to think abt my future 😭 the rent here is insane, legit i could pay what i am paying now for my place in upstate ny and have a super nice apartment rather this old and outdated building.

c offered to move in but i put up a solid boundary that i don’t want to live with someone unless i’m in love and dating that person to which she accepted that and didn’t pressure me or say anything weird. i really am giving it til next week to see if our changing relationship goes anywhere. but i am certainly not moving in with her unless we’re in a relationship. last night i was info dumping over a discord call about my favorite fanfic love trope (slowburn idiots/idiot friends to lovers) and she said “have you ever considered that we might be in that trope currently?” all coy and shit 😳 so i definitely have some confirmation that she wants to take this much slower. i’m hoping that in person has more clarifying communication and that expectations are made clear. i tend to jump the gun in matters of love so it’s definitely a change in my habits to embark on this. even with ally we starting dating ldr quickly after confirming we mutually liked each other. oof.

another main motivator is honestly the state and its laws. “don’t say gay” and a bunch of others recently got passed and it’s starting to feel unsafe. there are ofc a ton of queer ppl in the south but it’s getting really scary and extremists are getting more comfortable exhibiting their behavior in public spaces. things like abortion access are also becoming unavailable and things are changing in a dystopian way on top of the cost of living too.

weed is illegal here and we don’t even have medical use. the job market sucks and the minimum wage is 7.25. if i can get the job in NY i would also finally have good health insurance and it would be a lot easier to survive bc my medication cost is insane rn. new york is definitely expensive but once i have a job with an established flow of money i’ll be able to live in a moderately nice apartment. my dad offered to let me crash at his place while i wait for that to happen.

another is ofc friends and family. i deeply cherish my grandparents and they aren’t getting any younger 🙁 my nan also lives alone and i want to be there for her as much as possible. i might start trying to stay with her over some weekends or days i have off bc she has my catholic racist uncle and my mom as her main contacts so i think i’m required to hold down her sanity. also i know she gets really lonely. my other grandparents, i also want to see more. i’m thinking of seeing if i can join my grandmas book club or sewing club again.

and then ofc aja, maria, and deirdre. deers is in boston but that is a heck of a lot closer to upstate ny than north carolina. maria is still between bspa and the city. id also be able to see my cousin jake a ton more along with alena potentially moving closer to her og town.

idk if i want to stay in ny forever, i can always save up over time if i want to move far away again. the state job would hopefully let me save for grad school and after a year or two i can take a sabbatical to do the JET program and come back home to an actual stable job which would be great. idk if i’ll go to grad school in ny but i’d eventually like to end up (potentially) in syracuse.

cons of ny:

for sure the cost of living is high, however where i live now is insane and even a bit more expensive tbh.

i wouldn’t see my brother or mom or stepdad as often. (i rarely see them now tbh so i would definitely fly into charlotte airport whenever possible/air fare prices are low so i can hang with my brother). i wanted to stay in nc longer for the sake of my brother but i can’t keep putting my own happiness on the line when i’m barely home enough in the first place.

ofc my friends and how much i’d miss them

i go to so many concerts in nc it’s insane and i’ve noticed how inaccesible that was to me in ny. jake lives near philly tho so i’ve considered just going to a lot of concerts with him and crashing at his place a lot. he wants to move to the west coast eventually so that would suck but it still would be nice to see him more anyways.

i really love appalachia. the ability to drive 15-20 minutes to look at a literal mountainscape whenever i’m sad is truly a unique experience. it’s definitely my third space. so that will suck to lose. but i’ll be able to go up to the camp basically whenever i want so i feel like that’s a good deal.

i genuinely love some parts of nc so it does suck.

i’ve also never existed as an adult in ny, since i moved to nc immediately after graduating high school. so i’m honestly a bit terrified since to me what i once called home is like a foreign place to me now. which is kind of why i’m attracted to syracuse in a sense too, since i’ve actually never been there and i really like how lgbt friendly and progressive the city is. also the rent is cheaper than boone which is kind of hilarious. it all depends on where my state job ends up but i’ve also considered seeing if i could work for the university.

it’s a tough decision but it’s really feeling like the pros outweigh the cons.

[polimollykari]

this is what happens when you have your sister on tumblr….. thanks for tagging me i guess @no-destiel-spoilers-pls

Were you named after anybody?

i don’t think i was named after someone specifically, i just know that my grandma wanted to give me a different name, but my dad and mom went for poli after all and i’m happy with that since it sounds like a trans chosen name lol

When was the last time you cried?

i think at the beginning of july, because i was missing my gf a lot with whom we parted for a long time until we can see eo again

Do you have kids?

no, and funnily enough i have this question of kids on my mind a lot nowadays lmao. i related heavily to daniel howell on this topic, he talks about it in a video “i don’t want kids” and the main point he makes is that he wouldn’t want to bring kids into this state of a planet, which i basically agree with. but it would be SOOO easy to just get pregnant for me rn, because my family would love it. they want grandkids and i believe they would support me and love me even more if i decided to have my own kids, but sadly i don’t think it’s an option for me lmao. like.. i guess i wouldn’t be opposed to pregnancy?? even tho i’m scared of it, but if my partner would really want our own kids, idk.. i think i could get persuaded. but that’s another topic altogether, since my romantic life is also far from being the norm in this society and it’s just very complicated and long distance at the moment 😐

Do you use sarcasm a lot?

i try not to, since sometimes it’s hard for myself to pick up on it from others lol

What sports did you play/have you played?

i enjoyed playing sports like volleyball, table tennis skiing, swimming, but my main passion is tennis and i really hope i can integrate that sport into my life more in the near future, because i just crave playing it

What’s the first thing you notice in somebody?

probably the way they dress? i usually always tend to find queer folks more interesting and fascinating since we usually have either interesting hair, makeup or some diy things on our clothings or bags

but other than that i love to see when people smile, so once i see someone smile, i remember it the most, i think

Eye colour?

i’d usually say “just usual brown” but i’ve gotten lots of compliments about my eye color in the past year so i guess there’s something more to it than just being boring brown

Scary movies or happy endings?

happy endings 100% because i really don’t enjoy scary movies hahah

Any special talents?

i can touch my elbows together if i put my hands on my hips and pull them inwards 😐

Where were you born?

in saint petersburg, one of my favourite cities in the world, even though i’m not sure when can i come back, if ever

What are your hobbies?

anything creative, really. art, knitting, animation, editing, writing, pottery.. also languages, consuming media and books!

Favourite subject in high school?

art history :] even tho i hated the teacher as a person, he was great at teaching the subject

Dream job?

freelance artist :> maybe one day

im not even sure who to tag, i don’t usually interact in this way with my mutuals

@greenmango @manywinged @lesbianswarm

[novelcombinationofwords]

Friend of mine’s mom died, spent some time with him the days leading up to it. Hope I helped. I feel like a black hole of energy even when I try to hide it, and I really don’t want to have contributed to his pain somehow.

He’s been struggling for a long time but recently got a job making a lot more than he used to with medical benefits and all that, so he’s clawing his way up. I’m proud of him even as he thinks he’s not achieving anything, or like it’s all going to fall out from under him at any second. So this news is especially hard on him with where he is in life rn.

His mom was in icu after what was essentially a suicide attempt, and intubated against her wishes by people who loved her enough not to want to let her go but not enough to understand why she didn’t want that after working with intubated patients her whole life. It’s heartbreaking on a lot of levels

I wonder how long ago (and it must have been a long time ago, knowing what I know abt her) she basically decided she was done. I wonder how long she tried to put it off anyway.

The doctors told her ex husband the odds were slim on recovery because it would require someone with a zeal for life that was fighting to survive and they didn’t see those signs. That’s so devastating and I also just understand. He fought everyone to keep her on the respirator bc his previous wife died for similar reasons and he certainly blamed himself for having left the relationship. All the damage we do trying not to repeat mistakes we already made. How to know when it is the right thing and when it’s just going to make things worse.

I’m basically talking myself down from a sat night panic attack I guess, I can’t help but feel like I’m in this same quicksand. There’s nothing to hold on to except the people I don’t want to hurt, and trying to escape it is just making me sink faster. I don’t want to drag anyone with me. I don’t want to do this to anyone

I’m worried about him. I know he struggles similarly and doesn’t like people feeling obligated to help him. I wish there were more i could do. He talks about how his comfort shows are all things he connected to his mom. I think about how I keep the quilt my grandma made me with a pillow in the back seat of my car. When unconditional love goes, what is left? What do you do?

[sapphicsoie]

73 questions

on a scale of 1-10, how excited are you about life right now? solid 6, i am excited to live in norway for 5 months.

describe yourself in a hashtag? #wellshitok

if you could do a love scene with anyone, who would it be? timothee chalamet if it's a film that has the vibe of cmybn, but tom holland if it's a movie that is mainstream.

if your life was a musical, what would the marquee say? probably something like "don't worry!"

what’s one thing people don’t know about you? people don't know that i sleep with a baby blanket named blankey who is actually not a blanket i have had since i was a baby but actually the same type of blanket i had when i was 5. this is the third blanket i have had since then, she (yes she uses she/her pronouns) is from lands end (i buy a new one whenever she turns to literal threads). i got the one i sleep with now when i was 15.

what’s your wake up ritual? i don't really have one unless i'm like at camp or have class, then i will read in bed for a bit if i can, shower, drink a tea and eat breakfast, and brush my teeth last. i also like to listen to music.

what’s your go to bed ritual? i always wash my face and either shower or have a bath, then do skincare, take out contacts, brush teeth, put on lip balm, read in bed, then sleep.

what’s your favorite time of day? i love when the sun is setting.

your go to for having a good laugh? tiktok, or sonny with a chance or kim possible compilations.

dream country to visit? iceland or new zealand

what’s the biggest surprise you’ve ever had? that my dad who is slightly homophobic is actually into kinky gay sex and is a bottom.

heels or flats/sneakers? sneakers.

vintage or new? depends, i would say new for clothes because they don't make cute vintage clothes for fat women, but i love vintage cameras and furniture

who do you want to write your obituary? my best friend katie and if i die before her, my mom.

style icon? fictional? noora amelie sætre. irl? i love zendaya's style for the most part.

what are three things you cannot live without? my phone, my antidepressants, and something to read.

what’s one ingredient you put in everything? GARLIC but also love salt and pepper. i am very white.

what 3 people living or dead would you want to make dinner for? ummmm maybe like my grandma who i never met and or like isak valtersen, sana bakkoush and even bech næsheim from skam lmao.

what’s your biggest fear in life? feeling like my life is meaningless and i won't be rememebered.

window or aisle seat? used to be window, now it's aisle. i gotta pee!!

what’s your current tv obsession? haven't been watching tv AT ALL but i loved moon knight.

favorite app? tumblr or ao3 if that counts as an app, more of a website tho

secret talent? i am very flexible, and can do all three splits, and a perfect cartwheel.

most adventurous thing you’ve ever done in your life? i dated a girl in high school in a small town in the deep south

how would you define yourself in three words? determined, honest, lonely

favorite piece of clothing you own? rn it's a plain ribbed t-shirt from target

a must have clothing item that everyone should have? plain ribbed shirt and comfy high rise jeans

a superpower you would want? shape shifting

what’s inspiring you in life right now? to be transparent, i am simply existing for the most part. i do really want to graduate so i can move to nyc and try acting and not be in school for the first time in 15 years.

best piece of advice you’ve received? that it is okay to feel and show your emotions and that doesn't make you any less strong or capable.

best advice you’d give your teenage self? you won't feel this awful forever. i promise. also, don't let her hurt you over and over again. and lastly, just because you are in pain doesn't mean you have to force your anger and sadness and despair onto others, be kind.

a book everyone should read? i don't read as much as i used to, but i think a book/series that made me who i am is a series of unfortunate events by lemony snicket.

what would you like to be remembered for? i hope i'm remembered as someone who left the world better than it was in some way shape or form, even if it's trivial.

how do you define beauty? i think it depends on the person and what kind of beauty. i think there is no simple way to define beauty because it's so subjective.

what do you love most about your body? my eyes, they are a really pretty shade of blue with a gold ring around the pupil.

best way to take a rest/decompress? listen to music, read, lay in the pitch dark listening to music or city rain sounds

favorite place to view art? gonna be transparent i cannot look at art for more than like 30 seconds, so maybe a museum but i don't really view art :/

if your life was a song, what would the title be? liability by lorde.

if you could master one instrument, what would it be? piano, i played it growing up but stopped.

if you had a tattoo, where would it be? probably somewhere pretty hidden, maybe my ankle or the side of ribs?? idk

dolphins or koalas? koalas literally fuck dolphins

what’s your spirit animal? a platypus.

best gift you’ve ever received? probably my macbook, i use it a lot. idk i've never been given a super sentimental gift?? my friend recently gave me a really pretty drawing of me for my birthday though.

best gift you’ve given? horrible at gifts but got my dad a fancy speaker for christmas but little does he know it was 75% off.

what’s your favorite board game? don't really play them at all and never really have but i like chess

what’s your favorite color? baby pink

least favorite color? any bright colour. or like orange. or teal. i am picky.

diamond or pearls? pearls!!!

drugstore makeup or designer? mostly designer but the occasional drugstore product

blow-dry or air-dry? air-dry unless someone else is doing my hair

pilates or yoga? yoga

coffee or tea? tea, but if i need caffeine, coffee.

what’s the weirdest word in the english language? hippomonstrosesquippiedaliophobia.

dark chocolate or milk chocolate? milk but i'm not a huge chocolate gal

stairs or elevators? elevators

summer or winter? winter 4ever i hate sweating

you are stuck on an island, you can pick one food to eat forever without getting tired of it, what would you eat? probably something nutritious if we are being practical like salmon and quinoa but if we are being honest, steak and yorkshire pudding

a dessert you don’t like? super chocolatey stuff. or ice cream that is fruit flavoured. disgusting.

a skill you’re working on mastering?

best thing to happen to you today? the children went home and i get to drink tonight

worst thing to happen to you today? woke up at 7.30 am and had to spend time with children until they finally left at 12 pm

best compliment you’ve ever received? that i am determined and resilent.

favorite smell? christmas eve candle by yankee candle. smells like childhood.

hugs or kisses?

if you made a documentary, would it be about? a documentary about how internet culture and grooming affected girls born in the late 90's-early 2000's, like myself and so many of my friends did some crazy shit online as a kid.

last piece of content you consumed that made you cry?

lipstick or lipgloss? lipgloss!!

sweet or savory? savoury but i also love sweets

girl crush? zendaya, maybe margot robbie?? josefine frida pettersen is gorgeous

how do you know your in love? when you never get tired of being around them. like your social battery never runs out with them.

a song you can listen to on repeat? currently kjøre oss by marie ulven (girl in red before she was girl in red)

if you could switch lives with someone for a day, who would it be? probably a rich person who lives in nyc or canada or norway

what are you most excited for about this time in your life? moving to oslo in the fall!!

tagged by @silkscream

tagging: @peterthepark @spidervee @indouloureux

[kidfoundonstreets]

last post hghhjknklnwi

istg if noel isnt found soon im gonna lose it you know what claire should do? she should get the key from sirius’s pocket and use it to open the locked door a bunch of demons just surrounded claire and made fun of her...........wack it was kinda funny tho ngl charlotte also messed around with claire, bringing up suspicions about basically everybody which honestly just lessens my suspicion about everybody if theyre putting it out there still nervous abt it tho i dont think noel did it it could just be possible his death was caused by none of the above WILARDOS POV WOOOOOOOO1!! hes been calm abt this entire thing but agh king moment 

welp im sad now so theyre all related,, and particia was basically claire’s best friend but she disappeared since claire let her into an area in grandma (dorothy’s???) house did claire step into the same room as patricia did and disappear as well. i think that can explain the memory loss if she was found by grandma something i find depressing is how the whole room is wiped except the place where the diary was. sirius hasn’t touched it in a while claire after looking at the diary still doesnt seem to remember but im happy she acknowledges it might be real THE WAY ASHE’S NERVOUS CAN I HUG HIM I FEEL RLLY BAD HE SEEMS TO CARE ABT FAMILY A LOT i really really hope we get tdoom bc he cant give an explanation why is he here?? literally what does he know he’s so sus and for what. i trust him but whats so bad that he lied about it picks ashe for who i think did it: picks ashe for who i trust most (relaistically its probably noel but idk):  mixed signals but whatever i just hope it doesnt affect anything if noel did kill sirius which i doubt he did at all and its bc of miss dorothy killing his father,, i dont think noel killed a person but i dont think he’s completely excluded from anything since his dad was brought up

aww the little skrnbunklies!!!

oh theyre kinda fucked up actually its cruel to blame claire or dumb her down to stupid for this but they are demons literally what was claire supposed to do though??

OKAY NEVERMIND EVERYTHINGS OK NOW IM HANGING THIS UP IN A GALLERY PLEASEPLEASE BE SAFE ASHE IVE GOTTEN WAY TOO ATTACHED TO YOU AND YOUR VERY SUBTLE SUSPICIOUS ACTIONS “as a member of the scp” ashe is an scp!!!! noel if hes trapping himself in his room i dont know how he’s gonna get water or food without someone bringing it to him or sneaking out,,

HGGGGGGGGG I HATE THIS GAME I DONT WANNA SUSPECT ANYONE BUT AT THE SAME TIME I FEEL LIKE ITS GONNA FORCE ME the way noel knows that. hand over ur brain rn i want to see it. the “i dont want you to die” was so painfully sweet and that also makes me sad i dont want noel to die either but if he says so it’s probably going to happen i can suspect wilardo but i think he’s just like this i can suspect ashe I DO SUSPECT ASHE but the stuff he’s revealed to claire so far it just doesn’t feel like it i can suspect noel but hsfkhiuwqhe2189e4h21ueh221j dying dying dying i dont even get it either we don’t even have a proper explanation on how sirius exactly died day 5,,,, “if only i were smarter” CLAIRE HONEY NO ITS OKAY YOURE TRYING YOUR BEST well ashe a re you hiding something????? demons keep appearing more often just to say random words that bring people down. is it the ones who died in the massacre ??

[miyaniacs]

Hello I saw that you opened requests so I thought I would send something (if you don’t want to write this please don’t feel like you need to 🥺 you’re amazing okay?)

ANYWAYS! Could I request how the haikyu boys (you can choose who!) would react to their S/O feeling overwhelmed and accidentally blowing up on them/pushing them away?

Life has really pushed me to my limits and I could use some comfort 😪

A/N: goshhhh I feel that omg - but please try to relax a bit and take a few minutes for yourself to calm down a bit - Sorry if this is more on the shorter side tho:( i can make those more easily when I make them shorter and don’t feel pressured to write a whole page for each one - yes I put myself under way too much pressure and I’m also a perfectionist so I really feel the blowing up part here lol

characters: Iwaizumi, Kurro, Bokuto

form: headcanon 

masterlist

H/C : S/o blowing up on them 

Iwaizumi:

When he ate your last pudding and you snapped at him as if he lost the wedding ring of your grandma he just stares at you

Then he blinks

Then he takes a few breathes

And storms out of the room

He doesn’t want to raise his voice at you so he just leaves to calm down too

A few seconds after he left the room you broke down and started crying bc on top of all your stress you now also fear to also loos him too

But as soon as he hears your snobs

He storms back into the room and pulls you into a hug - rocking you back and forth

Pressing gentle kisses on your forehead

Pulling you even closer

He‘ll realize what’s wrong after you mutter a soft “I’m sorry it’s just all too much”

Now he’s apologizing

And telling you that it’s okay and that everyone has those moments

He’s constantly rubbing your back too

You two are literally sitting on the kitchen floor at 10pm telling each other how much you love them & that you’d never leave because of something this minor

After you calmed down he puts you - yes he’s dressing you as if you’re a child - in your favorite hoodie of his & puts on your jacket

Now you’re on a walk to the nearest grocery store to get some new pudding and whatever you crave and need to have a relaxing night - which for you will be spent in Iwaizumis tight embrace

Kuroo:

This boy oml

You painted your nails and he bumped into you wich causes you to ruin your almost dried nail polish

And dear lord

How you escalated

You screamed

And cried

And screamed

Hitted his chest

Cried again

And all over again

Until you stand in front of him panting, not tears left hands on your knees bend over

And he‘s still standing there, same expression as the Second you began this mess - which is his usual neutral, sassy look

“All good now?“ he simply asks

( that for me would lead to a new breakout bc how dare he?! How dare he be so calm now???)

but I assume you’re not me so you just nod exhausted

“Good“ he says and walkes away leaving you confused ??? Again HOW DARE HE????

What you didn’t know tho: he knew you’ll reach your breaking point soon and he’s prepared

But then you hear the water running and you walk to the bathroom just to find him lightening up some candles, in the bathtubs there’s already countless bubbles forming too

“Now strip baby and let me help you relax.”

Yes your mind is clearer after that night

Not only a cleaning the bathroom from all the spilled water is included also NO you also get a massage, chocolates, a marathon of your fav movies, an UNO match and ... bed time

And yes he offers you to let out all your frustration in another way the next time or for him to ... help you relax too

Bokuto:

Bby boy would be so sad when you pushed him away the second he wraps his arms around you

He thinks you don’t love him anymore :(

Emo mode actived

Which makes you even more pissed

You can’t deal with this shit rn

Soooo you leave to clear your mind

Bokuto will sink down on the bed, hugging his knees, eyes big and glassy, hair flat

But then !!! He gets an idea!

You’re the love of his life??! He won’t let you go without fighting

So his hair spikes up again and he hurries outside

Meanwhile you come back home, an apology ready to be told

You felt bad - yes. It wasn’t his fault - he didn’t knew since you haven’t told him that you’re stressed

But again - you didn’t want ti stress him / make him worry with your problems

So when you come back home to find the apartment empty you panick

Walking up and down the room you ruff up your hair, akaashi’s number already about to be called when you hear the door open again

“KOU?!” You screen and rush towards him

He immediately drops everything and opens his arms to wrap himself around you

“I’m so sorry kou! I’m just- it’s just all too much” you mutter into his chest and he pulls you closer into a bone crashing hug

“Nooo I’m sorry, I should have noticed that you aren’t feeling your best and -“

Well ... it’s a constant back and forth with countless I love yous and kisses

Until he remembers something

“THE FLOWERS!!!”

“The what?!”

Then he points to the beautiful bouquet laying on the floor

“You got them for me?” You look at him with big eyes

“YES! And this one too!!” He points to the other side - a big plushy owl lays on the floor

Bokuto scratch’s his head and picked both up - now it’s his face between flowers and a plushy owl

“For you my love!”