#-been an elf but didn’t realize) but I love drawing fish people so much that I had to come up with an excuse to not draw gem as-

[fantasykiri5]

Two days late, it’s a Geminitay for day 20 of @hermitadaymay !!

[felassan]

Dragon Age development insights and highlights from Bioware: Stories and Secrets from 25 Years of Game Development

Some really tasty factoids here.

Cut for length.

Dragon Age: Origins

The continent of Thedas was at one point going to be named Pelledia, a name initially floated by James Ohlen

“Qunari” was a temporary name that ended up unintentionally sticking, much like “Thedas”

Mary Kirby wrote the Landsmeet. To this day, nobody understands how it works, except possibly her. If she’s “really really drunk” she can explain how it works. There’s as many words in it as Sten’s entire conversations put together

Concept art for Thedosian art - as in in-world art - draws heavily on Renaissance-era portraiture, the Art Nouveau movement, religious styles and media like stained glass, and favorite pieces from the golden age of illustrations in the early 20th century

Andrastianism in-world (art-wise) is depicted in wildly different methods depending on who in-world made the art in question. “One religion, 3 different lenses”. There’s the Chantry take, the Orlesian take and the Fereldan take; each with its own different interpretations, different mediums and different stories

The stained glass images were drawn by Nick Thornborrow for DAI, to decorate religious spaces in that game “and beyond”

irl Viking art influenced Ferelden

Greek and Italian art influenced Orlais

The book also had other insights into and anecdotes from the development of DAO, but I’ve transcribed them recently as they’re essentially the stories DG has recently been relating on the awesome Summerfall Studios DAO playthrough Twitch streams. (On those streams he provides dev commentary while Liam Esler plays through DA. The ones with DG are currently once every two weeks. Check them out! Here’s a calendar where you can check when the next one is) Instead of repeating myself I’ll just provide the link to the first transcript. From there you can navigate to the subsequent parts. Note these streams are ongoing. At this point I will also point you to a related post which is cliff notes of the Dragon Age chapter in Jason Schreier’s book Blood Sweat and Pixels.

Dragon Age II

DAO had the longest development period in BioWare history. In contrast DA2 had the shortest

Initially DA2 was going to be an expansion to DAO. A few months in EA said “Yeah, expansions like these don’t sell very well, so let’s make it a sequel.” So it suddenly became DA2 and they had to make it even bigger, although they still only had 1.5 years of time in which to do this

Production of DA2 officially lasted only 9 months, and at the time the team was still supporting live content for DAO! They finished development that January after the design team crunched all the way through the holiday period that year. Then it went to cert 9 times

The limited time they had is why the story takes place mostly in and around 1 city, and over 7 years (so it was temporal, rather than over physical distance, because a more expansive world would have taken more irl time to make)

They had no time to review even the main plot. Mike Laidlaw pitched the idea of 3 stories taking place at different points in the PC’s life, tied together by Varric’s recollections of events. DG rolled with this and made 1 presentation on the idea. This presentation was then approved and off they went

As they were writing DG realized that there was going to be no oversight and that everything was going to be a ‘first draft’. “Because nobody had time.” He sat down with the writers and said “Look, here’s the conditions we’re working under. A lot of what we’re putting out is gonna be raw. We’re not going to get the editing we need. We’re not going to get the kind of iteration we need. So I’m going to trust you all to do your best work.”

Looking back, DG has mixed feelings on DA2. “A lot of corners were cut. The public perception was that it was smaller than DAO. That’s a sin on its own.”

Despite this he thinks DA2 has some of the best writing in the series, especially character-wise. The DA2 chars are his favorite

The pace with which production progressed may in some ways have helped. “When we do a lot of revision, we often file away [as in buff off] some of the good writing as well. Somehow DA2′s whirlwind process resulted in some really good writing”

The pace meant chars landed on the writers in various stages of completion. For example Isabela was fairly defined due to appearing in DAO. In contrast Varric at the start was just that single piece of widely-shown concept art

Varric was conceived as a storyteller not a fighter. His skills are talking and bullshitting. Hence the question became, so what does this guy do in combat? The direction was to make him as different as possible to Oghren, so not a warrior. He couldn’t be a dual-wielding rogue in order to differentiate him from Bela. But you can’t really picture this guy with a bow. “For a dwarf, it would probably be a crossbow. We didn’t have crossbows, or we only had crossbows for the darkspawn. And they were part of the models. We didn’t have a separate crossbow that was equip-able by the chars. They had to like, crop one off a darkspawn and remodel it. And that became Bianca” (quote: Mary Kirby)

“Dwarven mages are exceedingly rare.” [???]

If DAO was a classic fantasy painting, DA2 was a screenshot from a Kurosawa film or a northern Renaissance painting. (Here Matt Rhodes was commenting on art style)

John Epler: “In any one of our games, there’s a 95% chance that if you turn the camera away from what it’s looking at, you’ll see all kinds of janky stuff. The moment we know the camera is no longer facing someone, we no longer care what happens to them. We will teleport people around. We will jump people around. We will literally have someone walk off screen and then we will shift them 1000 meters down, because we’re fixing some bug.” John also talked about this camera stuff in a recent charity Twitch stream for Gamers For Groceries. There’s a writeup of that stream here

Designing Kirkwall pushed concept artists to the limits of visual storytelling, because it has a long history that they wanted to be present. It was once the hub of Tevinter’s slave empire, so it needed to look brutal and harsh, but it also then needed to feel reclaimed, evolved, and with elements of contemporary Free Marches culture

The initial plan was for DA titles to be distinguished by subtitles not numbers, so that each experience could stand on its own rather than feel like a sequel or continuation. (My note: New PCs in each entry make sense then when you consider this and other factoids we know like how DA is the story of the world not of any one PC). Later, DA2′s name was made DA2 in a bid to more clearly connect the game to its predecessor. For DAI they returned to the original naming convention. (My note: so I’d reckon they’d be continuing the subtitle naming convention for DA4)

DA2 was initially code-named “Nug Storm”, strictly internally

The Cancelled DA2 Expansion - Exalted March

This was a precursor to DAI

It was meant to bridge the gap between DA2 and DAI

It focused on the fallout from Kirkwall’s explosion, with Cory serving as the villain

Meredith’s red lyrium statue was basically going to infest Kirkwall and it would end up [with what would end up] the red templars taking over Kirkwall and essentially being Cory’s army

To stop him Hawke would have recruited various factions, including Bela’s Felicisima Armada and the Qunari at Estwatch, forcing Hawke to split loyalties and risk relationships in the process

It was meant to bring DA2′s story to an end and end in Varric’s death. DG was very happy with this because all of DA2 is Varric’s tale. The expansion was supposed to start at the moment Cassandra’s interrogation of him ended in the present. “And we finished off the story with Varric having this heroic death.” It tied things up and would have broken many fan hearts, something BioWare writers notoriously enjoy. But between a transition to the new Frostbite engine and the scope of DAI, the decision was made to cancel EM, work any hard-to-lose concepts into DAI, and in the process save Varric’s life. DG has talked about the Varric dying thing before

Concept art for EM explored new areas previously not depicted in the DA universe, with costumes that reflected next steps for familiar chars. Varric was going to war, what would he have worn? With Anders, if he survived DA2, the plan was to present a redeemed Warden

A char that vaguely resembled Sera in DAI was first concepted for EM. This fact was mentioned near this concept art (see the female elf) and this concept art of Bethany with the blond bob

The writers sketched out plans to end it with Hawke having the option to marry their LI. This included alternate ceremonies for party members like Bethany and Sebastian if the player opted not to wed. There was even a wedding dress made for Hawke. This asset made it into DAI (Sera and Cullen’s weddings in Trespasser). The dress can also be seen in DAI during an ambient NPC wedding after completing a chain of war table missions

The destruction of a Chantry was explored in concept art as it might have happened in EM. This idea ended up carrying over to the beginning of DAI. (My note: Lol, the idea that DA2 could have had 2 Chantries being destroyed in it 😆)

World of Thedas

Sheryl Chee and Mary Kirby started with “a disgusting little dish called fluffy mackerel pudding”. In the middle of DAO’s busy dev period one of them (they can’t remember who) found a recipe online for this, scanned in from a 70s cookbook. “I don’t understand why it was fluffy. Why would you want fluffy mackerel pudding?” MK says. “We loved it so much we included it in a DAO codex.”

This led them to create more food for Thedas, full recipes included, like a Fereldan turnip and barley stew from MK and SC’s Starkhaven fish and egg pie. The fish pie became Sebastian’s favorite. “To me it made sense for it to be fish pie because a lot of the Free Marches are on the coast”, SC says, “It was something that was popular in medieval times, so I thought, let’s make a fish pie! I looked at medieval recipes and I concocted a fish pie which I fed to my partner, and he was like ‘This is not terrible’”

For WoT the whole studio was asked to contribute family recipes which might have a place in Thedas. SC adapted these to fit in one Thedosian culture or another, including a beloved banana bread that localization producer Melanie Fleming would regularly bake to keep the DA team motivated. “Melanie’s banana bread got us through Inquisition”

DAI

It says part of DAI takes place in or near the border with Nevarra [???]

This game was aimed to be bigger than DA2 and even DAO in every conceivable way

The first hour had to do a lot of heavy lifting, tying together the events of DAO and DA2 while introducing a new PC, new followers etc in the aftermath of the big attack. DG rewrote it 7 times then Lukas Kristjanson did 2 more passes

DG: “Our problem is always that our endings are so important, but we leave them to last, when we have no time. I kept pushing on DAI: ‘Can we work on the ending now? Can we work on the ending now? Can we do it early on?’ Because I knew exactly what it was going to be. But despite the fact that it kept getting scheduled, whenever the schedule started falling behind, it kept getting pushed back... so, of course, it got left til last again.”

“The reveal of the story’s real antagonist, Solas, a follower until the end, when he betrayed the player”. “Solas’ story remains a main thread in Inquisition’s long-awaited follow-up” [these aren’t DG quotes, just bits of general text]

Over the course of development they had 8 full-time writers and 4 editors working on it. Other writers joined later to help wrangle what ended up being close to 1 million words of dialogue and unspoken text. While many teams moved to a more open concept style of work for DAI, the writers remained tucked away in their own room, a choice DG says was necessary, given how much they talked. All the talking had a purpose ofc as if someone hit a bump or wall in their writing they would open the problem up to the room

As writing on a project like DAI progresses, the writers grow punchier and weirder things make it into the game. This is especially the case towards the end of a project (they get tired, burned out)

Banter and codexes require less ‘buy-in’ (DG has talked about this concept a few times on the Twitch streams) from other designers. DG liked to leave banter for last as a reward because it was fun. Banter begins as lists of topics for 2 followers to discuss. These may progress over time or be one off exchanges. One banter script can balloon to well over 10k words. “The banter was always huge because we were always like, laughing, and really at that point, our fields of fucks were rather barren, so we would just do whatever”

The bog unicorn happened pretty much by accident. It was designed by Matt Rhodes and was one of his fav things to design. They needed horse variations and he had already designed an undead variant which was a bog mummy [bog body]. irl these are preserved in a much different way to traditional mummies. When someone dies in a bog their skin turns black and raisin-like. The examples we know of tend to have bright red hair for whatever reason. It’s a very striking look and MR wanted to do a horse version of this as he thought it’d be neat. 5 mins before the review meeting for it he had a big ‘Aha!’ moment, quickly looked up a rusty old Viking sword, and photoshopped it through its skull like that was how it died. “And I was like, ‘I just made a unicorn. Alright, in it goes!’” It got approved. “So we built the thing. It fit. It told a little story”

With the irl Inquisition longsword, one of the objects they tested its cleaving ability on was a plush version of Leliana’s nug Schmooples

The concept art team explored a wide variety of visuals for the Inquisitor’s signature mark. It needed to look powerful and raw but couldn’t look like a horrific wound. In some cases, as cool as the idea looked on paper, they just weren’t technically feasible, especially as they had to be able to fit on any number of different bodies

Bug report: “Endlessly spawning mounts! At one point during development, Inquisitors could summon a new horse every time they whistled, allowing them to amass a near infinite number of eager steeds that faithfully followed them across Thedas. “You could go charging across levels and they’d all gallop behind you,” Jen Cheverie says, “It was beautiful.” Trotting into town became an epic horse siege as a tidal wave of mounts enveloped the streets. Jen called it her Army of Ponies”

The giants came from DA Week, an internal period when devs can pursue different individual creative projects that in some way benefit DA. They also had a board game from one of these that they were going to put in but they didn’t have time. It’s referenced though. It was dwarven chess

Josie’s outfit is made of gold silk and patterned velvet, with leather at her waist. She carries “an ornate ledger” and she has “an ornamented collar sitting around her neck, finished by a brilliant red ruby, like a drop of Antivan wine in a sunbeam”

Iron Bull’s armor is leather. His loose pantaloons and leather boots give him agility to charge

On DAI in particular, concept artists took special care to make sure costumes would be realistic, at least in a practical ‘this obeys the laws of physics and textiles’ sense. “While on Inquisition, we thought about cosplay from a concept art perspective. Given how incredible a lot of [cosplays] are, I now am not worried about them. In fact in some cases in the future I want to throw them curveballs like, ‘All right, you clever bastards. Let’s see if you can do this!’”

2 geese that nested on the office building and had chicks were named Ganders and Arishonk (it wasn’t known who was the mom or the dad). Other possible names were Carver Honke, Bethany Honke, Urdnot Pecks, Quackwall, Cassandra Pentagoose, the Iron Bill, Shepbird, Garroose, Admiral Quackett, Scout Honking, HChick-47 and Darth Malgoose

Bug report: “The surprising adventures of Ser Noodles!” DAI was the first time the series had a mount feature, meaning this had a lot of bugs. A lot of the teams’ favorite bugs were to do with the mounts. There was a period of time where the Inquisitor’s horse seemed to lose all bone and muscle in its legs. They had a week or so where all quadruped legs were broken. It was a bit noticeable in things like nugs and other small beasties but the horse was insanely obvious. “The first time we summoned the horse [for this] and started running around, the entire QA exploration room just exploded with laughter.” Its legs flapped around like cooked fettucine, leading testers to lovingly nickname it Ser Noodles. At galloping speeds the legs almost looked like helicopter blades, especially when footage was set to classic pieces such as Wagner’s Flight of the Valkyries

For DAI the artists were asked questions like “What would Morrigan wear to a formal ball? Can Cassandra pull off a jaunty hat?”

On DAI storyboarding became the norm. John Epler: “Cinematic design for the longest time was the Wild West. It was ‘here’s a bunch of content, now do it however you want’, which resulted in some successes and some failures.” Storyboarding gave designers a consistent visual blueprint based on ideas from designers, writers and concept artists

Quote from a storyboard by Nick Thornborrow (the Inquisitor going into the party at the end of basegame sequence): “Until Corypheus revealed himself they could not see the single hand behind the chaos. A magister and a darkspawn combined. The ultimate evil. So evil. Eviler than puppy-killers and egg farts combined.”

A general note on concept art:

In the early stages of any project, before the concept artists are aware of any writing, they like to just draw what they think cool story moments could be. It’s not unusual for the team to then be inspired by these and fold them into the game as the project progresses

– From Bioware: Stories and Secrets from 25 Years of Game Development

[himluv]

The Rumor

Here, have another Solavellan oneshot. A little fluff, Riallan and Josephine at a party :)

Riallan did not want to attend this fête. She’d had enough of Orlesian nobility at the Winter Palace to last her a lifetime. But, Joesphine needed this. If they were going to raise the Du Paraquettes to a noble status, and thus remove the contract on the ambassador’s life, Riallan had to make an appearance.

And this time there was no reason to bring an entourage.

“Are you ready, Inquisitor?” Josephine asked from the seat across from her. They sat in their carriage, which had just stopped in the driveway of the Wiscotte estate. Through the gauzy curtain on the window of the carriage, Riallan saw that it was a large structure, but not half so grand as the Winter Palace had been. Hopefully that meant the evening wouldn’t be as bloodthirsty.

She sighed. “As I’ll ever be.”

“Remember, you must speak with Minister Bellise on behalf of the Du Paraquettes.” She gave Riallan a shy smile. “She is a fan of your work in the Winter Palace. She held no love for Florianne or Gaspard, and appreciates your efforts to bring peace to Orlais. You can use her favor to your advantage.”

“I know, Josie,” she said. “We’ve spent the last two weeks rehearsing the conversation.”

She blushed. “I know. I apologize.” She took a deep breath and nodded once. “You will do fine.”

Riallan smirked. “It’s killing you that you can’t have this conversation yourself, isn’t it.”

“It is torture,” she said, then opened the door.

A string quartet played on the stairs leading up to the front door, each musician playing on a different step. The song was soft and sweeping, the perfect background noise for an informal gathering. Around the garden nobles gathered, still in their masks and finery, but the air wasn’t as tense as it’d been in Halamshiral. The conversations carried fewer whispers and more laughter.

Riallan still hated it. There were a million other things she could be doing. Like reading and drinking wine in the rotunda, watching Solas paint or read, or literally do anything. But Josephine needed her.

It wasn’t until late in the evening, after she’d secured Minister Bellise’s assistance and the wine flowed a little too easily amongst the nobles, that she heard the rumor.

Riallan stood in the salon, Josephine beside her as they spoke with Madame de Vallieux, a lesser noble with a pleasant demeanor and refreshing frankness.

“Why do you suppose the Tevinter lingers with the Inquisition?” A woman asked in the circle of people standing behind Riallan. “As her lover, perhaps?” The circle tittered with graceful laughter.

Riallan smiled and glanced at Josephine. The blush on the ambassador’s face told her she had heard the conversation as well. Dorian would love this newest development.

“Haven’t you heard?” A man said once the group had quieted. “The Herald has already taken a lover.”

Shocked gasps and denials followed, but Riallan just smiled. There were so many rumors about her bedroom habits that she now found them humorous. That one about her and The Iron Bull had been downright salacious! So much so that she’d wondered if he hadn’t started it himself.

“It must be the Commander,” said the first woman. “So dashing and brave. A strong man for a strong woman.���

“Please,” said another. “He is too plain for someone so… exotic.”

Riallan rolled her eyes. When would the Orlesians realize that what classified as exotic depended purely on perception? To her all of Orlais was exotic.  

“If the Commander is plain then the Herald’s tastes are truly banal,” the man said. “It is said that she favors a certain elf within her inner circle.”

Riallan froze, all of her attention on the conversation happening behind her.

“No!”

“The serving man?”

“But, he’s bald,” cried another.  As if that was what offended them most, and not his lack of status or the shape of his ears.

“What is his name?” Asked one woman.

“Solan, I think,” said another.

Riallan closed her eyes and took a deep breath. It surprised her that the nobility didn’t know him, that he’d somehow managed to avoid their notice so completely. She envied that, even as she wanted to yell at every noble gathered.

“They say he is a mage,” said the man. “An apostate.” The hushed quality of the man’s voice, the weight with which he said ‘apostate’, and the way those gathered around him murmured made Riallan clench her fists.

Her eyes were still closed, so it wasn’t until she heard Josephine speak that she knew the woman had moved away from her.

“Monsieur Renaud,” she said, her pronunciation perfect. Her voice was clear and loud, drawing the attention of every person in the salon. “I’m sorry to hear that Madame Renaud could not come to the fête; though I’m sure she and Marquis de Bodard are having a lovely time in Rivain.” She let loose a wicked smile. “I hear the beaches are particularly lovely this time of year. “

The salon gasped collectively while the man, Renaud, gaped at Josephine, his mouth flopping like that of a dying fish. Josephine did not stop there, next she set her eyes on one of the women.

“Madame de Rienfort!” She greeted the woman as if they were long lost friends, but the noble only offered the ambassador a reluctant smile. “It has been too long! Tell me of Henri,” she said. Her face was free of any plot, guileless and pure, and yet the noblewoman blanched at the man’s name. Josephine ignored her obvious discomfort. “Last we spoke he was building a lovely maison de campagne for Monsieur Luvert.”

Another gasp tore through the room. Riallan had no idea who any of these people were, or what their relationships were to one another, but she had the distinct impression that Josephine had just socially decimated each of them.

Josephine embraced Madame de Rienfort as if they were old friends. “I would love to see it, I’m sure it is breathtaking.” The ambassador let her eyes wander over the group, and several of the nobles flinched when she looked at them. Then she caught Riallan’s eye and gave the tiniest flicker of a smile.

Fighting to hide her laugh, Riallan turned back to Madame de Vallieux. The woman wore a bright grin beneath her mask, her dark eyes glittering. She inclined her head to Riallan. “Thank you, Inquisitor, for a most splendid evening.” Her lips quivered with mirth. “I am certain there will be much talk of this evening for weeks to come.”

Riallan bowed her head ever so slightly. “Thank you, but surely all thanks must go to Lady Montilyet.” She battled her own smile as she said, “She can be quite vociferous when it comes to parties.”

Madame de Vallieux snorted at that. “Of that I have no doubt.” The Orlesian curtsied. “Bonne soire, Inquisitor,” she said, and then took her leave of Riallan.

The evening wound down after that, the mood understandably shifted. Those who had been eviscerated by Josephine’s revelations made hasty retreats, while others remained to leverage the information to their advantage. Either way, Riallan’s patience for the party had vanished. It wasn’t until they were in their carriage that she said anything to the ambassador.

“You didn’t have to do that, Josephine.”

She frowned. “Yes, I did. If you had come to your own defense, or worse Master Solas’, you would have only confirmed their suspicions.” She shook her head. “The rumor would only have grown.” She gave Riallan a curious look. “I got the distinct impression you would not have liked that.”

It wasn’t until she’d heard how the Orlesians spoke about them that Riallan really understood Solas’ desire for discretion. Their judgment outraged her, made her see red in a situation she absolutely could not afford to lose her cool. He feared those in positions of power would use their relationship as a weapon, as a means to tear her down.

The greater concern is that she would destroy her own status and reputation in his defense. No, she understood now, and agreed with him. It would be better to keep to themselves as much as they could.

Josephine cleared her throat at her prolonged silence. “I was not aware you and Master Solas had entered into a relationship.”

Riallan smiled. “That was intentional.” She sighed. “We wanted to be discreet, for this exact reason.”

The ambassador nodded. “Does anyone at Skyhold know?”

“Dorian does, and I think Varric has put two and two together.” She paused, then said, “and I suspect Leliana knows, because Leliana knows everything.”

She scowled at that. “I should not be surprised that she would keep this from me, and yet…”

Riallan laughed. “That’s the look Dorian gave me when he discovered us.”

Josephine smiled. “I will not tell anyone, Riallan.”

“I know, Josephine.”

The ambassador flushed. “Would it be inappropriate for me to say I am happy for you?”

She laughed. “Why would it be inappropriate? We’re friends, aren’t we?”

Josephine flushed, a pleased grin illuminating her face. “Yes. Yes, I think we are.”

Riallan settled back against her seat, more relaxed than she ever thought she could be after attending an Orlesian party. The gentle rocking of the carriage and the warmth of wine and Josephine’s remarks set her at ease and she soon succumbed to a peaceful slumber.

[tessatechaitea]

Cerebus #16 (1980)

Cerebus is going up the stairs while Lord Julius is going down them. In the same direction.

Cerebus is often touted as the greatest independent comic book of all time (for various reasons) but I'd like to point out that Elfquest told an incredible story with beautiful art in just 20 issues as opposed to 300. Plus it had an elf orgy. Also, I know it continued on after the first 20 issue story arc but we can ignore the rest of the story because there was never another elf orgy and also the rest of the series concentrated too much on Skywise's fear of dying which was totally valid but was often used as a foil to make Cutter seem braver and more loyal to his wolf roots but really just showed he was stubborn and dumb and totally didn't fuck as many elf maidens as Skywise did. Cerebus does have some sex in his comic book but since the first sex he has is when he rapes Astoria, I don't think anybody was really clamoring for any more of that. I mean, sure, some people were! I didn't mean to erase the sickos and perverts out there. Sorry, jerks! I'm sure the "A Note from the Publisher" bit by Deni seemed like a good idea when starting out on a harrowing self-publishing journey like that of Cerebus. But it quickly became a space where Deni just says, "Self-publishing is fraught with hardships and also this is a really good issue! I won't spoil it! Goodbye!" I won't be sad to see the divorce happen! That's an okay thing to say because it already happened, right? It's not like my wishing for the end of their marriage in 2020 somehow brought about the end of their marriage in the early 80s. Is it? I never took a college course on cause and effect so who the fuck knows? Unless that Critical Literary Theory class was about that?! Oh my God! I think I understand it now! Dave's finale to the "Swords of Cerebus" essay that has been broken up over the last three issues describes how he was consciously drawing the Eye of the Pyramid cult leader's gigantic penis while drawing the snake. Sorry to report, though, that he's being sarcastic. Apparently Dave is above using phallic imagery to make a point about patriarchal themes. Only fucking hacks do shit like that! Take that, whoever wrote fucking Beowulf!

Even if Sim can't see the humor in everybody assuming he made a giant snake dick joke on purpose, he can still be extraordinarily funny with the least of materials.

This issue takes Cerebus to his first fancy dress party (that's a costume party for all of you people who aren't British (which is also me but only because I was born a citizen of the United States of America who didn't have a choice but knew it was a huge mistake as I was learning about Monty Python's Flying Circus and Dave Allen at Large in elementary school and The Young Ones in junior high and Red Dwarf in college)). Cerebus changes out of his vest and puts on his costume: a furry black jumper (that's sweater for all of you people who aren't British (which is also me but only because I was forced to watch mostly American popular entertainment until the advent of YouTube and now I mostly just watch Taskmaster over and over (by the way, is Taskmaster as good for people who don't know all of the "contestants" or do I enjoy it more because I recognize and like almost all of the people on the show?)). Lord Julius is dressed as an, um, a, uh, Estarcion matador? I have no context in which to guess what he is.

Certain people like Cerebus because he says what's on his mind. I purposefully used the passive voice here so you can't prove one of those people is me.

Lord Julius has a follow-up joke that leaves the reader thinking, "I guess all Pavrovians are fat?" That's Dave Sim continuing his work on Estarcion continuity! Remember how Pavrovians are the, um, you knows of Estarcion! You know the nationality I'm thinking of! The ones that are all the things people usually find insulting! Come on, you know who I'm talking about. The dumb fat arrogant stupid naive gullible ones! Yes, that's it! Americans! Try to remember Dave is Canadian. You have to think of Americans through Canadian eyes (which are the equivalent of smart, cynical Americans)! E'lass and Turg have gotten tickets to The Festival of Petunias so they can steal the Wyndmel Diamond. They're the duo composed of a giant muscular man and a little bitty shrimpy guy who last encountered (and were beaten by) Cerebus in Issue #6. E'lass is dressed like some kind of small dirt dwelling creature so I hope Cerebus gets offended by his costume and stabs him in the throat. There isn't enough random slaughter in this book about barbarians.

I haven't wanted to fuck a fish this badly since The Littler Mermaid.

I suppose I could have said "since Splash" in that last caption to seem more normal and less perverted but then you'd know I was lying. The assassins make a move on Lord Julius but Cerebus comes up with a plan to stop them that involves inducing the Palnu elite to throw herring-and-onion dip at them. Is that a parodied scene from Duck Soup or Conan the Barbarian? In the confusion, the lead assassin slips out through a secret door and E'lass, having just stolen the diamond and becoming increasingly paranoid that somebody saw him, slips through it as well. Cerebus and Lord Julius follow, having noticed the assassin but not E'lass. Most of the pursuit's tension comes from E'lass believing Cerebus remembers him and is now going to use the excuse of this new crime to murder him. It's more tense than I've even described because I really need Cerebus to murder somebody in this Swords & Sorcery book already. Reading this book waiting for a murder is like firing up a porn video on your laptop with your dick in your hands and realizing after five minutes that the video is almost over and was just a teaser for a pay porn site. Cerebus threatens to quit his job just before battling the assassin so he can negotiate a term of 8 bags of gold and a horse in exchange for killing the assassin as a pension before he goes. Julius agrees and Cerebus takes out the assassin with a rock to the head. I mean, I guess it's a murder so yay? But I was really hoping for some stabbing. Meanwhile E'lass lives through the cliché of the criminal whose paranoia gets the better of him and he tosses the diamond into a huge pit so he doesn't get caught only to discover that they never knew he took it anyway. Everything is wrapped up quickly and thoroughly with Cerebus given money and motivation to move on from Palnu. Dave complained about his heavy use of cliché in this Palnu trilogy and I have to say I agree with Dave. But I only agree with Dave on this point! Don't take that out of context and start raving on Twitter that Grunion Guy agrees with Dave's Issue #186 rant about girlfriends being illogical which is also secretly a rant about a guy who needs to get laid so badly he puts up with partners he probably wouldn't even be friends with and then finally just decides orgasms are evil and religion is super awesome but only if you smash all three People of The Book religions into one bland mash paste of ancient dogma. In the epilogue, Lord Julius receives a letter from his niece Jaka in which she expresses delight in possibly seeing Cerebus again. I guess Dave learned from Howard the Duck that comic book nerds really love for their anthropomorphic heroes to be fucking statuesque women. Perhaps every guy develops a fetish of being with a woman whose breasts are at head level due to being hugged constantly by their female relatives when they're ten years old. Deni's brother Michael's first installment of the "Aardvarkian Age" essays appears in this issue. It gives more details to the various nations of Estarcion and their inhabitants' culture, ruling styles, and brutality of their armies. I thought I'd be more interested in this than I actually wound up being. Maybe I thought it would be funnier? Instead, it's just a bunch of facts about made-up kingdoms to make them sound more believable by making them more like European countries in the Middle Ages. If this entire bit were just lifted from a history of Europe with the names of actual countries replaced by Estarcion countries, I wouldn't even notice. Mostly because I know nothing about European history. As I've always said, "Those who know about European history are doomed to repeat it, boring every single other person at the cocktail party." Dave apologizes for the quarter price increase of the comic book in the Aardvark Comments pages. Why, I hadn't even noticed! Probably because this is the Biweekly reprint issue and I purchased it as a collection off of eBay. Some people write in and discuss how Cerebus is a very fine and funny comic book. I nodded along in agreement as I read the letters. I only touched my private area twice while reading and neither time was for pleasure. The most surprising thing about "The Single Page" is that it clearly states who the comic was authored by: Kent Featherly. I don't know why so many of these single page comics aren't more clearly labeled. Isn't part of the reason for having them exposure for the artists drawing and writing them?! Not putting an effort to let a large audience know who you are and how they can read more of your work just sounds like something I would do. By the way, you should play this game I wrote, Starship Troopers: The Game. You can find it on the hard drive of my laptop. Cerebus #16 Rating: B. Look, it was funny and well drawn and all that. But even Dave said it relied too heavily on cliché plot devices. I've got to lower the grade when even the author points out some of the story's flaws! And I'd probably have come to the same conclusion without having been influenced by Dave Sim because I'm like the best Internet comic book critic who isn't a critic and isn't actually reviewing comic books. Also I almost forgot this evidence: I'm a Grandmaster Comic Book Reviewer! Nobody else can make that claim and if they do, they're plagiarizing me and I'd like you to point them out to me so I can send them a threatening email in which I pretend to be my own lawyer who is really good at suing dumb-dumbs.

[chloe-clegane]

My Devotion and Mah Protection, Our Love - Chapter 5

My Favorite Gift is You

Summary - It’s Royal Announcement day!

Previous Chapter

Next Chapter

AO3

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A few days later they celebrated Ezran’s birthday. The desserts flowed freely, in fact, there were no other meals, just dessert. The whole eating unwholesome foods in extreme portion sizes was no joke. Contributing to the overload of sweets made Rayla feel a bit… unethical? Enabling? Disgusted? Her own misgivings aside she knew Ezran would appreciate her idea for an Ultimate Deluxe Super Moonberry Surprise Cake, it would be the perfect gift… if she could pull it off.  

Rayla woke up early that morning and after some kissing and cuddling with her favorite human, she met with Barius. She explained her vision and the baker was a little distressed when he realized she didn’t have an actual recipe. But he was able to approximate what she described. Barius insisted that he should make the sponge. But figured she would be able to execute the filling and frosting easily enough. She figured it couldn’t be that hard so she followed instructions and got to work.

Most of Ezran’s day was spent with Zym, he’d flown to Katolis with an escort of three skywing dragon guards. He was only able to stay for 2 days so he and Ez were getting in as much quality time as possible. When Rayla left the kitchens to go find her family, she was shocked to see Ezran riding Zym. The dragon had grown considerably in the almost 3 years since he’d hatched and was bigger than a horse now, but Rayla still couldn’t believe what she was seeing. The two kings zipped around the castle towers and through the clouds, Ez whooping and Zym happily chirping. 

Rayla came up behind Callum and took his hand, he turned his attention from the sky to smile at her. She gazed up with him “Been quite a’while hasn’t it, since all this started. Funny how they’ve both grown up so much but still somehow managed to stay exactly the same. A couple o’goof balls.” 

Callum chuckled “Yeah, it’s true.” He smiled and brought her hand up to place a kiss on it. “The world has changed so much, but somethings, the people you love, they stay the same. Like how amazing you are for example.”  

As always his words warmed Rayla’s heart but when he leaned in to kiss her she wiped her head back up to the sky when she saw the aerial duo heading into a tower, grazing it and thankfully not smacking into it full force. “Oye!!! EZ!!! TOWER!!!!” Rayla screamed up at the teen.

“WE’RE OK!” He yelled down and waved, Zym nodded in agreement. 

“DON’T BREAK YOUR NECK! I WILL BE SO PISSED!” Callum screamed back. Some of the color drained from his face. “PAY BETTER ATTENTION!” He looked like he was ready to go all mage wings and bring his brother down himself.

Amaya also looked distressed. Frustrated she wasn’t able to scream after him she nudged Janai to make girlfriend do it for her. Even Bait had turned purple. 

“Teenagers are stupid” Rayla sighed. 

“Hey, we weren't... technically still aren’t” Callum defended. 

“Seriously? We’re just lucky our bullshit paid off” She laughed “I climbed the side of that” She pointed “wall. Thinkin’ I could kill a child in cold blood, almost fell to mah death about three times doin’ it. And you kept playin’ with lightnin’ even though you din’ know what you were doin’, nearly killed me I might add!” 

He chucked “But I didn’t kill you! So it’s fine.”

“Oh you’re right, that makes everythin’ fine. Wasn’t stupid at all.”  

He pouted at her sarcasm but then narrowed his eyes at her “Human Rayla”.

“Don’ go there! I was amazin’ at that! How about Elf Callum or WiNtEr LoDgE, nO wInTeR, nO hUmAnS?”

“Owch” he glared “you've made your point and we should definitely stop this there. I still want you to marry me and I worry this conversation won’t end well.” 

She laughed “Aww you’re less stupid now” she cood and he continued to glare back at her. But held her hand anyway. She squeezed it “Like I said, lucky. Our stupidity might save the world.” 

He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and they continued to nervously watch the air show, screaming every time the teens tried to do barrel rolls and loops. The March day was cooled by the breeze but warmed by the sun, winter was truly at its end and the group enjoyed welcoming the spring.

Soon it was 3rd dessert meal (second lunch?) and the group had it out in one of the courtyards as a picnic. This was the planned time for presents and so everyone had their wrapped packages or hidden gifts with them. Apparently, hand made was a theme. After all, what do you buy for a king? Amaya and Janai were the only ones who didn’t make their gift. It was a sunforged dagger. His aunt felt at 13, it was about time he had his own weapon. Ezran looked a little intimidated by it but thanked them nonetheless.  

Soren went second, his surprise was a shockingly not terrible ceramic statue of Ez and Zym hugging. The sculpture wasn’t good, but you could tell who the figures were supposed to be so Rayla felt that the dumb oaf had at least accomplished the goal. Ezran was a little confused but when he figured it out he seemed to really enjoy it. Bait was entirely unimpressed by it, and maybe a little jealous it wasn’t him made in clay. 

Callum was also miffed that Soren had made an art project, he muttered into her ear “art is my thing!” She laughed and rolled her eye’s at him. Her fiance’s gift was of extremely better quality, so if it was a competition he still won, but if cake counts as art Rayla thought this could be a very close race. Callum had done a detailed color pencil drawing and had it framed, it was a family portrait. Ezran sat in the front and Rayla and Callum stood behind him, each with a hand on his shoulder and Bait was in his lap of course. This art piece was much better received by the glowtoad than Soren’s. 

Ethari had made a simple bracelet of silver and purple braids. It was the kind of thing Rayla knew he could make easily and quickly with tools he probably borrowed. It was modest but as always the workmanship was impeccable. Ezran thought it was amazing. 

Finally, it was her turn, she rolled the huge cake around the corner on a tea cart. 

Ezran gasped. “Rayla it looks delicious! Give it, give it!” He reached out scrunching his fists. 

She laughed as she cut him a generous piece. The purple sponge and gooey red filling looked great! She felt a little smug as she handed Ez the slice. He took a huge bite and his face scrunched, he coughed a little. Rayla felt her face fall, why did he look like that, she wondered. Then Ezran smiled and kept nodding. “Wow Rayla, it’s so… thoughtful of you to make this, wow!” 

“Do you like it!?” she asked cautiously. 

“Mmmmhmmmm” he continued to nod. 

Everyone else cautiously sampled it, everyone started gagging. 

Soren hadn’t caught on to everyone's hesitancy and took a large bite, his response felt overly dramatic “Ugh blah” He spit it directly on the ground. “That’s terrible. hack hack. I think it’s poison! I’m too young to die!”     

Rayla looked hurt but then crossed her arms and scowled at her friend “Wow Soren you’re sure bein’ an arse about this. I go to all this trouble, and you can’t even be nice? It can’t be that bad.” Now she stupidly took a huge bite and was immediately filled with regret, “so salty! Egh, what did I? Water!?”. She realized Ethari had never even taken a bite of his piece, his lack of faith was added salt in the salty, salty wound. 

“Rayla, it’s ok. I really appreciate it!” Ezran tried to comfort her but she had already stormed away red faced and humiliated. 

Ezran found Rayla outside “That squirrel was right, you are in a tree!”.

She and her bruised ego were hiding. When she saw him she turned away “just leave me with mah shame!” 

He started climbing, it took him a minute but he made it up and nudged her so he could sit next to her. Luckily it was an old sturdy tree. “I meant it when I told you I appreciated the effort.” 

Rayla made a noise somewhere between a whine and a chuckle and tossed her head back “Thanks, but also I’m still sooooooo sorry”  

“Seriously Rayla.” He insisted. “But you know what my real favorite present is?” 

She still had her eyes up and her shoulders slumped “Hmmmm Soren’s statue was pretty good... very lifelike” her words were heavily laced with sarcasm. 

“You know? I do like it” he smiled “Soren put a lot of effort into it, same as you. Want to guess again?!”

She took a moment to think “Well I know it wasn’t the fire dagger, I’m pretty sure yer afraid of it.”

He laughed “yeah, you got me there. But really, my favorite gift, is’s you Rayla.”

This time she actually righted her posture and made eye contact. “Me? What do you mean, me?” She was honestly confused.

“Yeah, you. When you guys came and told me you're getting married, it was such a good surprise. My favorite thing out of all of this is knowing in a few months you’ll really be my sister.” she felt her prickly mood soften as he continued “In a way, I’ve already thought of you like that for a long time. But now, it’s real and official! Best birthday ever!” His sincerity, something she’s always loved about him, was acting as a salve on her wounded pride. 

“Oh, Ez” Rayla smiled, his sentiment was humbling and she exhaled some of her negativity “I feel the same way about you, I’m happy to have you as a brother too. Now come’ere.” She pulled him into a hug and they stayed together for a while kicking their tangling feet and talking. Catching up about all kinds of things. He told her weird stuff animals say sometimes and that he met their shadowpaws. Apparently they’re both very nice but don’t think they’re getting nearly enough fish. Rayla made a mental note. He also confided in her some of his worries. There had been rumors about underground meetings to talk about hating and not trusting elves. Now that ambassadors and scholars have started visiting Katolis, and now… her, not everyone is happy about it. Rayla thought about keeping the procession incident to herself but decided to fess up about it. He understood why she didn’t want to worry anyone but they both ended up going quiet for a bit to sit in their worry. It always broke Rayla’s heart to see these things on his shoulders, he was too young to carry so many burdens like this. So she broke the tension with a few jokes and they hugged before returning to the group for 5th dessert (dinner?). 

After a few more days in Katolis it was time for everyone to part ways. It was decided that the Wedding would be in 3 months, as they wanted at the Moon Nexus. With the mages disappearing suspiciously and Aaravos and Viren’s location unknown, they had to be careful about having politically important guests all in one place. The exact date and location would be kept private and invitations would be hand-delivered along with illusion medallions to the human rulers. Lujanna would be assisted in creating a burrier hiding the Nexu, similar to the one that protects the Silvergrove. 

The public announcements of the marriage would be made when things were settled. After that Rayla would be made an official Princess of Katolis. That scared her, absolutely boggled her mind. Never in her life had she thought things would turn out like this for her. The most terrifying part was the fact that until Ezran had his own heir, which at 13 was a long way off, Callum would be next in line for the throne, which would make her a queen. That thought was horrendous for a number of reasons. But for every negative or worry Rayla’s joy and excitement was tenfold. 

Ethari went home to the Silvergrove and Rayla and Callum left for Lux Auria with Amaya and Janai. Callum worked on his fire spells and she helped investigate the 3 Sunfire elf mages who had disappeared. She traveled alone a few times to the Silvergrove to visit Ethari, flying on a twin tail tooth tiger, courtesy of Janai, made the trips easy. The more things came together, the details, her vows, the dress, everything felt more and more real. Soon she’d be bound forever to her best friend, and it was the most spectacular thing she could imagine. She was counting down the days, they both were.

[blankdblank]

Forgotten

Prologue

All –

@himoverflowers, @theincaprincess, @aspiringtranslator, @sweeticedtea, @ggbbhehe4455, @thegreyberet, @patanghill17, @jesgisborne, @curvestrology, @alishlieb, @jogregor, @armitageadoration, @fizzyxcustard, @here2have-fun, @lilith15000, @marvels-ghost, @catthefearless, @imjusthereforthereads, @c-s-stars

Hobbit/LotR – @abiwim, @jotink78

X Thranduil - @evyiione, @sweetlytenacious25, @tigereyesf

Four years later and your feet landed on the station ground again wearing a pale blue dress with ¾ sleeves with black buttons down the front and a matching thin belt over your middle, exposed fully with your hair pulled back in a long loosely curled ponytail. Walking closer your smile grew as the smiling Bur Brothers who each moved closer to give you large hugs welcoming you back home again and claiming your bags once again before driving you back to the usual diner where you eased into the same booth as always between the pair. Nearly everyone stole a chance to stare at you taking in the small shifts in your features they had once found so unflattering on you before, traits that only added to the fact you were so far from what a Dwarf would find attractive.

Settled back into your usual menu habits you ate ignoring the stares reaching up once again to brush back your beaded bangs behind your slightly pointed ear and glancing up to spot the Li Brothers strolling in from their first visit home from University only to trip over a set of chairs before you broke your gaze. Straightening up again they set the table and chairs right again before turning to claim their normal table with their Cousins who all stared at you as they passed before their Uncles and Aunt dropped in and froze before turning to walk to your table.

Her smile grew with a soft gasp as she said, “Jaqi! You’ve-.” Her mouth was promptly covered by Thorin’s hand as he smiled saying, “Welcome back. We’ll be over there.” Practically dragging his Sister away after as he and the men behind him stole another glance at you.

..

Nothing had really changed, once again you were the center of attention with even the Elves’ lingering gazes taking each detail of your change. Once again through the days you’d found yourself back at work in the shop with Bifur and Bofur. Soon using your degrees and licenses to expand on their business to include tractors and other heavy machinery along with large ships and their motors that required the purchasing of the lot next door with a dock on the side for ships to park their for maintenance. 

With your hungry mind ‘you could have done or been anything’, that’s what everyone always said, but all you wanted was to go home. Back to the two men who loved you as their own and accepted everything about you. So the day you opened your shop the Brothers were thrilled, including the elder Durins who now had a shop in town they could use their skills to help the small farming and fishing village to maintain their machines that helped them keep their livelihood.

With your first day you were flooded with work, a work load soon eased with the Durins pooling together to help you through it, all while another mini bomb was being dropped. The town diner was being shut down leaving only the town pub, that would soon take the weight of the cooking and social mingling for the town as the diner was being traded for an extension for the town’s Doctor/Vet’s offices. Soon enough with all the changes you were swept back out of focus while news bubbled back from the universities. Kili, Dis’ baby boy had gone off and fallen hard for the next Elleth in his long string of them, while Fili had found himself a steady girlfriend who could put up with his hectic law school schedule.

…

Softly rain trickled down over the surface of the lake behind your shared cottage in your fourth lap across the vast stretch. For all the work your town had given you they at least understood your need for a break leading to them holding their repairs for weekdays when possible. So your weekends were left to you to do as you pleased, mostly being either reading, or in the latest days finding out that your godfathers were attempting to hide their girlfriends’ leaving in the morning after ‘sneaking in’, only their nights were far from unnoticed by you without any trace of Elf standard soundproofing. Their beloveds were free on Fridays, so Saturday mornings you would pull on your swimsuit and shorts tying your hair back on the path to the lake.

You weren’t the best swimmer but you could pull off a tolerable freestyle when not being timed at least. On your path across the lake in the darkness between the moon sinking and the sun beginning to rise a glint of blonde hair in the window of the manor across from your shared cottage appeared in the stolen moments you took to inhale. Once again he stole a glimpse of the strange Elleth living amongst Dwarves, one who none in the town would delve too greatly into your personal past, but yet still remaining somehow close to him without so much as a word shared. Alone he lived seeming to enjoy the silence, but not the irritation at reactions to his joint venture along with the town Vet who did greatly need the space to improve their single room shops, now improved to a staggering three each.

Even though it was a hated decision, it did ease the traffic flow problems for both aiding in the healing of the animals and townspeople. Evenings he seemed to always be up and wandering, adoring the moon and starlight, just as you did at least until you began swimming. No matter what his eyes would be trained on you in your path, however his gaze seemed to be far more distant as his mind wandered to who knows where in your steady movements, at least until he had to leave for work. The silent agreement you bore to allow the other their peaceful mornings was held at least until you had returned to work later that day out of sheer boredom.

.

A crash sounded when a group of curly haired boys came running through the shop giggling as they pretended their action figures were battling out against some foe only to end with them bumping into a row of shelves that splintered when colliding with the tractor you were working on. The largest piece fell slicing through the top of your left forearm knocking it into the frame of the engine hold on the tractor you were inspecting.

In their freezing wide eyed at the damage they had caused as their guardian, a brunette in a button down shirt tucked into his clay stained jeans darted inside calling out, “Boys!” In a glance over the men in the shop he missed Frerin’s darting to your side subtly wrapping a clean towel around your bleeding wound, “I am so sorry! I will pay for the damages!”

Dwalin shook his head stating, “Nah, nothing past a few far from useful shelves anyways. Needed replacing, did us a favor really.” Using his body to block your injury from sight.

Wetting his lips he watched Frerin grin at him then add, “You know, we’re late for lunch actually, should just catch Bofur from the wood shop to order another.”

Thorin behind a bare engine wiped his hands on a cloth from his pocket asking far more anxiously than he hoped, “How can we be of service?”

In a half turn the Hobbit motioned his hand to the van outside, “It started making this knocking sound a few miles back, and started smoking just down the street.”

Thorin nodded feeling the man’s eyes on him in his walk to the van mumbling as he watched the last bit of smoke escaping through the cracks in the hood, “Hmm.” When he raised the hood he felt the man at his side ignorantly peering in at the engine missing your being led down the street with bound arm fixed safely in Frerin’s hands to the empty clinic.

The silver painted office echoed with the sound of the bell above the door announcing you and drawing the familiar blonde from the back office as a brunette aid stood with lips parted at the blood soaked cloth between Frerin’s hands.

With a weak smile you locked eyes on the Doctor in his path to you as he asked, “What exactly should I expect here?”

Frerin squeezed through the doorways along with you into the first office, there you sat on the chair and rested your wounded arm above the sheet the aid set out as you said, “Some boys ran through the shop, knocked over some shelves, cut me.”

He nodded while you eyed his framed diploma on the wall reading ‘Oropher Greenleaf’ and stated, “Metal shelf?”

Frerin shook his head, “No, old wood shelves.”

Oropher listed the supplies he would need that the eager aid hurried to collect for him. Tenderly Frerin eased his hands back allowing Oropher to fold back the towel with one hand while his gloved hand moved to shift your arm finding the bleeding now mostly stopped. Another glove was added and the pliers were claimed to start removing the few splinters revealed as the aid sprayed some saline in the cut, once clean he gave you a numbing shot and started to stitch the cut as he stated, “Not that bad of a wound. Appeared far worse than it was through the rag, though it usually does.”

Weakly you chuckled saying, “Didn’t really hurt, just had to sneak out so we wouldn’t scare the boys.”

While he reached halfway through the cut his eyes darted up to your face and he asked, “Have you lived here long?” Your eyes met his and he added with a weak chuckle, “My grandson must be nearly your age.”

“Nine years, give or take. Just turned twenty.”

He nodded and chuckled, “He is sixteen. So eager to be off to school already. My son can barely keep him focused through dinner past his planning for it.”

You weakly chuckled then stated, “Give him a couple weeks away from home, he’ll realize how badly he misses it.” His eyes met yours smiling softly as you did, “Graduated early, went off to trade schools, had to come back. Nowhere else felt right, plus, I missed the quiet.”

Oropher chuckled lowly looking to your arm to finish the stitches off with a secure knot, “Some people rarely appreciate silence. I think I just might be able to convince my son just yet that some silence might be exactly what he needs to recover from the hospital he got hired at.”

“You don’t miss the city?”

He grinned, “I miss our home. My wife, we lived there for, what seemed like ages. A cousin was sailing and left us the house his gran left him, she would loved it, all under the stars.” His sentimental gaze dropped to the tray again as he turned to get another syringe and a vial of antibiotics he filled then injected into your arm before coating the stitches with some cream and a bandage he covered with a wrap. Then stated while his eyes locked on the silver in your eyes understanding how he felt at ease with you recognizing it from his wife’s easing his smile out again. “I will write you a prescription for antibiotics and a painkiller.”

“I should be fine without the pain meds.”

He chuckled again, “Alright. You know where I live if you change your mind.” You nodded and he stood removing his gloves to fetch his prescription pad while easing the pen in his pocket out through his aid cleaning up and taking the bloodied towel with him.

“Thank you.” You stated by the door and gained another smile from the man as he watched you leave through the door making the bell sound again while he settled on dropping by on you gradually to watch how you healed.

.

Out of the clinic you walked to the pub, where Drarn greeted you happily. Moving from his usual spot behind the bar to bring you a set of sodas asking for your orders and grinning at your sticking to your usual experimental order as one of the few in town to not complain of his non dwarfly tendencies to include spices and seasonings to his recipes. After you returned with the usual sandwiches for the others you both froze in the doorway spotting Thorin still leaning over the hood of the van, tools in hand, with the Hobbit beside him as Dwalin kept the boys occupied showing them how to properly oil and clean their bikes that were in the back of the van.

At the tractor again you nearly laughed aloud hearing the Hobbit state after patting Thorin’s arm timidly, “I am always so fascinated by engines and complicated mechanisms.” A once over the shop away from the stunned Thorin, who was still staring directly and helplessly at the Hobbit, later the Hobbit asked, “How big a job do you imagine this would be?”

A stammered estimation was given and the rest of the van was emptied into Dwalin’s truck outside to give the family a lift to their new cottage nearby. In their absence Thorin burst into a panicked frenzy exerting the energy from the Hobbit’s overly physical attentions to him for the short visit leaving his mind in a spree of expectations and hopes at a possible attraction to him. For all his strengths Thorin had never been the calmest in romantic situations and the first steps were especially the hardest.

By late afternoon, upon returning home, Thorin and Frerin spotted the moving van full of Dwarves. Once cocky in their second stop for lunch along the way, now flinching back at the shouts of the Hobbit carried across the fields about not having any cooking or eating supplies to feed his boys leaving them in a scramble to unload the truck, not realizing there were children involved in the move.

The morning after a long walk later with the boys at his sides on their bikes with wagon of supplies behind him, it ended at the empty forge long since empty when the previous owner had left. With keys in hand he unlocked the door eyeing the run down forge behind dust coated glass walls showing glimpses of the street outside.

With the door open Bilbo led the boys in scrubbing the place from top to bottom before another truck rolled down the street. Little by little shelving kits were left inside while scattered boxes of supplies and packed sculptures both complete and in progress were unloaded. Unpacked fully the truck left while Bilbo began inspections on the forges and made a few small repairs before he turned to the first of the shelf kits and sighed realizing he’d not have time to assemble them that night. A knock on his door frame made him turn catching the B brothers in the doorway with their workers and eager smiles through Bofur asking, “Just the shelves to assemble?”

Bilbo’s lips parted and he stated, “I, I can’t afford-.”

Bifur waved his hand, “Not many people moving in these days. Just trucks moving out.”

Bofur nodded motioning his crew in with another grin, “Have to keep an eye out for our neighbors around here.” Bringing a smile to the Hobbit’s face as he joined in on the assembling and arranging as best he could. By days end the shelves were filled and his small shop was ready for him to continue his sculpting the next day helping to meet his deadline for his latest show.

…

Morning came and brought with it curious stares of the five Hobbits in town to peer out the kitchen windows spotting you in shorts and a sweater on a stroll around the edge of the lake’s edge in your inability to swim. Each day brought more and more chances for Bilbo and Thorin to see one another, but one after another they were interrupted by the boys or guys from the shops leaving them distantly staring at one another pining for the day they could be something more. An uncommonly empty morning you sat in the cottage after the night out from the brothers had granted you the cottage to yourself, a couple days after getting your stitches. Over tea you stared aimlessly at your finished oatmeal bowl until a knock sounded on the glass paned door revealing the Doctor with medical bag in hand.

Weakly you smiled at him taking the bowl to the sink as you did, and opened the door to hear him saying, “Miss Pear, I wished to give your arm a once over. Thought I might spare you the trip to the clinic to avoid the boys seeing.”

Stepping aside you asked, “Would you like some tea?”

With a soft grin he replied, “That would be lovely, thank you.”

Another mug was poured and he entered claiming a seat at the table where you set his mug then watched as you grabbed the bowl of sliced fruit in the fridge you set between you to snack on as he unwrapped your arm once you had sat down. “I didn’t think you did house calls.”

He chuckled saying, “I thought I’d make an exception for you. We are neighbors and all.”

Carefully he pressed his fingers around the cut noticing it had healed just as quickly as he had hoped by his past experiences with his wife, son and grandson’s healing times stirring his grin to widen, “I don’t usually take long to heal.”

He shook his head, “I’d think not.” Your brow rose, “You remind me of my wife is all. Her kin rarely take past a couple of days to heal minor wounds.”

Softly you asked, “I remind you of your wife?”

At your timid tone he chuckled and stated, “Merely a few traits I’ve noticed from afar, please don’t misunderstand me, you are breathtaking, however when my Taule returns from her excavation trip, been a rough few years without her, you might get to see a few of them yourself when she visits on her days off from the city.”

In an even softer tone you repeated disbelievingly, “Breathtaking?”

His eyes met yours with brow raised catching your honest shock at the term, “Truly you must have grown around Dwarves to not realize. You are quite stunning by Elven standards, even if the Dwarves cannot or will not acknowledge it.”

A weak blush grew on your cheeks in your smile to yourself he chose not to point out, allowing you the time to let the truth sink in for you as he neglected to point out how flattered a man of his tolerable appearance would be normally to make a woman of your caliber smile like that. With scissors in hand he cut the stitches and eased the ends free to drop in your trash can you brought over for him before he added another layer of the cream saying with a grin, “Shouldn’t scar at all. Just keep up on the antibiotics to be safe.” You nodded and he cleaned up and relaxed through the rest of your tea, starting the first of years of random drop ins and offers of tea gaining him a firm friendship with you alone in this city.

Pt 2

[selkie-elf]

Ring

Read the whole fic in AO3

This is the third chapter in my Taaktiz selkie fic “Song Of The Sea”. Find the warnings in AO3

“I’m sorry. I don’t think I understand. You already know who I am, I introduced myself yesterday, didn’t I ?” Kravitz asked, letting his fur fall all the way down. Before he could even notice Taako’s raising blush, he quickly settled the head of the seal on his lap. It might have been a while, but he remembered well how land creatures reacted to nudity.

“Yeah yeah I know your name and you know mine, but like… what are you? Are you like fairy folk or something. Why… why did you came here? Are you here to drown me?” Taako gulped down the lump in his throat and faced Kravitz again. He wasn’t even sure what he was feeling. Fear? Comfort? This was just too absurd. Kravitz giggled a bit, seemingly amused by Taako’s blushed face.

“ If I wanted you to drown, I had a perfect chance yesterday. Your mother never told you about selkies?” Kravitz asked, settling his hands on to his lap. Taako’s ear flinched at the word, but his expression didn’t change. “Not really. Me and momma didn’t really get along to be honest” Taako sighed. Kravitz noticed how the elves tail started to draw slow circles around. “But it seems you are familiar with the story?” “ My brother-in-law told me a bit. Beautiful people who can turn into seals,right?” Taako said and threw a fishbone to the waters below. Kravitz almost jumped after it, before realizing that he would only make himself look like a fool.

“Yeah. That’s like the basics” Kravitz said, nudging himself a bit closer to Taako, when he noticed that the elf had taken another fish from the basket and started to gut it.

“ So, what does mister “in reality I’m a greedy seal who likes to hang around near dangerous fishing nets” does on my deck? Are here just to beg for free fish?” Taako raised an eyebrow and threw a fish to Kravitz. Even in his human form the selkie still catched the fish with his mouth. Taako let out a small laugh when the man grabbed the fish like puppy would grab a ball his owner had just thrown at him. He took a gently bite of the raw fish. It seemed that even in his human form, his teeth were still the same sharp teeths of his other form.

“ I should ask that question from you. Like I’m pretty sure that you didn’t just call me to offer me free fish, though I’m not complaining” Kravitz smiled and took another bite. Taako could hear the sickening crunch of small bones as Kravitz continued with his meal. “And what do you mean by that? I think you can drop the “oh I’m a magical creature, wow at my presence”-act. I’d just like some answers” Taako groaned, feeling the blood drip down his hands. “ You cried seven tears in to sea. You called me and… it’s my duty to answer a call” there was a sense of hesitation in Kravitz’s voice. “And then you almost drowned and of course I had to help you but I know that wasn’t the only thing I need to do” “ So, you are here to help? With what?” Taako asked. Kravitz’s shoulders tensed up a bit. “ Well. I don’t know…” “ That’s okay. I don’t mind you hanging out near our deck, but please be careful. Sazed has nets all around, it would be a shame to find you one one day, all tangled up and drowned” Taako said calmly, concentrating on the fish.

Kravitz felt lost. Taako just sat quietly splashing his toes in the water, not even looking at him. An awkward silence rain over the two men as they just stared at the black water below them.

“So you have a husband?” Kravitz broke the silence. “Yeah. For a while now” Taako answered. “Was he the one that came look for you last night?” “Yeah. That’s Sazed”

“ Are you happy?”

Taako’s hands stopped. Kravitz gathered his fur around his hands, ready to jump to the sea. The knife in Taako’s hand looked sharp, making the scar on his back ache with a bad memory.

“I think. I’m not sure. I… we at least were happy” Taako dropped the knife by his side. The wedding ring on his finger was stained. He had not bothered to take it off for so long. Taako knew that if he took it off, he would see the beautiful carving of their wedding day and Sazed’s name inside the ring.

***

Their wedding had been nice and small. Not that many people had even been invited. Magnus with his wife, Barry, and even a rare sight, a Taako’s relative, Aunt Orchid with her two children had arrived to the wedding. The children had trouble staying in their seats while aunt Orchid had just watched the ceremony, not once putting out her pipe. In the end, most of the seats had been taken by Sazed’s friends. But Taako hadn’t mind it. It was still positive attention. And that surely was what he had needed. Sazed’s friends had cheered and clapped as the newlyweds had read the vows to each other in front of the priest. Sazed had looked handsome in his black suit, and for once in his life he had combed his hair. Taako had felt beautiful in his white dress, with a crown made of lupines on his hair. A much wanted change for the black skirt he had worn for the last couple of months.

“I do”, Taako had said. And he had not lied. That moment, Taako had truly believed that he would love Sazed forever. And when Sazed had leaned closer to kiss him, Taako had truly felt loved. They had made a promise to each other to stand by their side. Taako loved him. Taako loved him so much. He had already helped him through so much, and when Sazed had dropped to the his knee and promised to buy him a house on top of the hill, he had no other option than to say yes. He didn’t want to say anything else than “Yes”

Magnus had cried through the ceremony, sobbing uncontrollably with Julia patting him on the back. Taako was happy to see a small smile on Barry’s face when he had wiped away the corner of his eyes as he silently clapped. The children had been more interested in the table full of goodies that was waiting for the wedding guests.

Food had been, of course, Taako’s own cooking, and amazing as ever. Magnus and Julia had asked if Taako would be willing to do catering to their wedding as well and Taako had happily accepted offer.

Aunt Orchid had proceeded to complain about their choice of priest. A dirty, hippie looking fella with mud under his fingernails in her opinion was not a fitting choice for such a ceremony. Even when Taako had tried to explain that mister Highchurch was their friend and he much rather had his marriage blessed by a friend than a stranger Orchid had just turned her nose up and muttered something how she was not surprised that others of their family had not shown up. Taako really had wanted to shout something mean about hoping that none of them had shown up, but Sazed had asked him to dance.

While they had danced their wedding waltz, Barry had disappeared somewhere. Taako didn’t even realize it at first. His head was already spinning so much from the dancing and the alcohol, that one guest missing had hardly even passed his thoughts. Only when the others had joined the dance floor, giving Taako a good moment to rest his feet for a moment, had he noticed his brother in law missing. Magnus was too busy being spun in the air by Julia and Merle was in middle of a conversation with Orchid, which neither of them really seemed to enjoy. Taako looked around for awhile, before seeing the similar silhouette sitting in the shore.

“What the fuck are you doing now Barold?” Taako whispered to himself before starting to walk towards him. Taako knew that Barry wasn’t the biggest fan of big social gatherings, maybe he had just needed a breather? A small voice in Taako’s head however suggested a much worse scenario.

“How’s it going? Wanna go dancing?” Taako smiled. He would have sat next to Barry but he had not wanted his beautiful dress to get dirty.

“Oh Taako. Sorry. I just needed some time. I’ll be back soon”, Barry muttered. Taako sighed and patted Barry on the back.

“If you want to go to take a nap, there is a bed in the guestroom. You’ve drank quite a lot Barold” he said. Barry’s shoulders quietly trembled under his hands and his hand was holding his necklace close to his heart.

“ Do… do you think if I had proposed she would have said yes?” Barry whimpered, staring at his feet, avoiding Taako as much as he could.

“I’m sure she would have carried you down the aisle immediately”, Taako answered. He tried to keep his voice nice and even. This was his day. Last two ceremonies that he had attended had been in honor of his sister. They had been ceremonies to cry about her. This was supposed to be his day. His day to be happy.

“ She would have looked beautiful”, Barry sighed. Taako nodded. Yeah sure they had had plans. A double wedding. Both Taako and her throwing their bouquets at the same time. They would have celebrated and been so loud that their happiness could be heard all the way from mainland. They would have so happy.

So what? Plans had changed. Taako still wanted to be happy.

“Okay Barry. You know what? Sit here as long as you want. Come back when you are not making me sad anymore” Taako said dismissively and started to walk away, tears prickling in the corners of his eyes.

“Taako, I didn’t mean…”

“Well then what the hell was your objective!? I’ve spent last half a year wallowing in my sorrow. Yes she is fucking gone and you were to much of a coward to ask her to marry you. That’s not my fault! Fucking let me be happy!” Taako’s hand fisted on his wedding dress as he tried to calm his breath.

“ Do you really think Lup would had wanted us to cry about her death on my wedding day? This is my fucking day. Don’t ruin it for me!”

***

“Taako?”

Taako flinched under the sudden touch. His fingers were still wrapped around the wedding ring, tear flowing slowly from his eyes.

“Oh my gods, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to. I- I shouldn’t have asked! It’s just that usually when people call for selkies, they... “ Kravitz started to ramble, clumsily wiping Taako’s face with the back of his hand. Taako’s hands grabbed the selkie’s wrist gently. A small smile crept on to Taako’s face as he placed one Kravitz’s hands on his own cheek.

“It’s okay. It’s just..it’s been awhile since I have thought about that day” Taako sniffed. “I’m sorry Taako, I didn’t want you to feel bad” Kravitz whispered, leaning just an inch closer. “ It’s okay. But going back to your original question...I’m not sure. I can tell you the day I fell in love with him. I could tell you how much I did love him. It’s much more harder to pinpoint the day that I...didn’t anymore.” Now Taako found Kravitz’s hands gently combing his hair. It was something that Sazed had done a lot after Lup’s death. A familiar feeling of comfort and safeness.

“Taako?” Kravitz asked carefully, when the elves breaths had started to become steadier again. The elves grip on his wrist had started to ease, before he finally dropped his hands by his sides. “ Taako. I want you to know that… I’m here to help. I don’t know how to, yet...but I’ll be here” Kravitz’s voice was calm and gentle. Sincere. Taako wanted to believe him. “Okay” Taako sniffed, leaning his head to Kravitz’s bare chest. He could hear Kravitz’s pulse starting to raise, as the selkie’s hands wrapped around his back. “I’ll have to go soon. Is it okay if I visit in the evening?” Kravitz asked, drawing slow circles on Taako’s back. “No, Sazed will be home. He is leaving tomorrow morning. He wants us to spent the evening together” Taako muttered. Kravitz nodded lifting Taako’s chin up with his thumb and index finger. “ Would the night be okay then?” he asked. Taako smiled, bit unsure “ I think that I can make up a lie to excuse myself for a nightly walk. I’ll bring the storm lantern. If Sazed wants to come with me, I won’t bring the lantern ” Taako explained, nudging himself from Kravitz’s embrace. “I’ll keep that in mind” Kravitz said, gathering his fur around his body again. “But you’ll come back, promise? I still want to know more about mister sharp teeth” Taako asked, reaching for the knife again. He knew that any minute, Sazed could come back home, and he still had a lot to do. Kravitz nodded, almost bowing his head to Taako. “I promise”

Kravitz pulled the hood of his fur over his head. Taako watched in awe as the seals eyes, that had been empty just a second ago, were now filled with the golden glimmer. And in a loud splash, he was gone.

[friendlyunclej]

A Light in the Darkness

Prologue

     While I was walking around my family’s history one day, reflecting on current unfortunate events, a servant disturbed my peace with a book in his hand.

     “What is it you bother my time with?” I asked, not looking back at him.

     Still keeping my gaze on my family’s lineage, I heard him drop to his knees as he rustled through a small pouch while saying, “I do not mean to disturb you, Tal-”

     Upon nearly hearing my name slip from the slave’s tongue, I spun around, drawing my sword and gently pushing it into the thing’s throat. Realizing his mistake, he swallowed a lump in his throat, before correcting himself with, “Your Highness.”

      I sheathed my sword as I stared at what was in his hands. Rubbing his throat and wiping the small trickle of blood form his neck, he continued, “We discovered a book on one of the corpses. A very, very old corpse. Almost a skeleton. You requested that we bring you anything of sig- signifi- sigin-”

     Tearing the book from its hands, I retorted, “Significance, slave. That is the word you are looking for.”

     He jolted back before bowing in compliance as he said, “Yes, Your Highness. Well, that is for you, Your Beauty.”

     Thumbing through a bit of the parchment, I expected him to make a request. Instead, he caught my odd gaze and said, “If that’s all, Your Beauty, I would prefer to return to my work.”

     After a small giggle, I said, “I see you’ve learned from the last time you made a request of me.”

     I watched him rub his missing eye before saying, “You’re allowed to leave, but to your family, not your work. Depending on how valuable this turns out to be, you may even be able to live with them after a bit.”

     A look of hope returned to his still working eye before he replied, “Thank you, Your Highness. You are much too kind. Thank you! Thank you!”

     Turning and walking away from him, I began to flip through the pages as I heard him walk away, almost joyously. I sat on one of my favorite pedestals with a glowing gemstone providing light for my reading. I called for one of the servants to bring me drinks as I began to read the first page.

The Journal of a Slave

I don’t know how to start something like this so I’ll just start by saying that...

     I’ve always been an optimist. My parents, may The Raven Queen accept them, felt the need to keep me surrounded by faith from a very early age. They used to joke about how it seems that I could name each deity in the “Ascended” Pantheon, at least that’s what I called them, before I could walk. They’d chuckle as I’d recite the words of Dwuyddin to the fellow children in the village, while I was barely in school. They were two of the three greatest people I ever knew, and I’m certain that they’ve found peace as part of the Raven Queen’s flock.      However, we did have our differences. I kept my head to my studies while they always pined for me to meet a man to start a family with. I prayed to Nadari as I studied the ways of war while my parents bowed their head to Aratuna for a husband to come my way. To assure you that I have a separate side to me, I’m not going to act as if Aratuna hasn’t helped me from time to time. I do remember a man I had caught the eye of once, and spent some nights alone with. However, it seems that Aratuna helped me to do the same with a number of women long before I met him. Although I had given him a child, I never truly loved him, so my parents were understandably furious when I denied his hand in marriage. Before then, I never had a need for the Moon Weaver, seeing the Sun Keeper’s virtues as a better option. However, when they asked me about if I would like to keep the child for myself or let the father keep her, I lied as I told them that I wouldn’t miss the child. The following night, I wept myself to sleep as I pleaded with Dwuyddin to guide her. My parents never wished to speak of the child whenever I was around, even if I did.      Despite not knowing where my child is, I know that she will have a better life with her father than with me. I’m a woman of the gods and I’d rather my child follow the gods by her own volition, not because she wanted to follow in my footsteps. Her father is an Elf of high esteem. Where she will grow up, she’ll have a limitless list of opportunities for her to pursue, much more than I could ever give her. I’m certain the Sun Keeper will provide warmth for her on the cold nights when she wonders who I was and why I wasn’t with her. It’s better that she not know who I am.      When I was first taken from home, I glanced at a small puddle, still rather young. I recently caught a glance of myself again since coming here and...well...let’s just say that it makes sense why it seems like doing the simplest of actions now take a heavy toll. I’m writing this because I know I don’t have long for this world. I have made my peace with the Raven Queen and her brother, Ilyashir. I have talked with both the Sun Keeper and his sister, the Moon Weaver, in hopes of helping bring light to this pace. I have pleaded with Dwuyddin and his twin brother Altcher, for the former to guide those I am leaving behind and the latter to leave them in peace. Now, I’m writing with the hopes that whoever finds this will find a place for mercy in their hearts as the place I’m in never seems to have any.      Oh, how silly of me! I’ve told you so much and you don’t even know the name of the woman whose journal you’re reading. My name is Mahe Cassal and I’ve been a slave for...well, I’m not exactly sure how long it’s been since I was captured.

     As I finished the first page or so, a servant delivered me my bottles and I hastily waved them away. Reading through the pages, it was obvious that this slave had a sense of purpose that no one has ever had where I live. When I look around my home, all I see are people fighting for power or lying to each other. None of them seemed to want to believe in the gods, using them for selfish gains instead. This woman seemed to carry with her a kind of light and belief  that seemed to shun all the horrors that had happened to her in her life. I began to wonder what could have caused such a strength as I read another passage about a voyage of hers.

After I let my child leave with her father on a boat, I tried to continue on, but...

     I needed a new place to call home. Living as the most modest person in the city I was born in, I began my journey by travelling east. I was guided by a beautiful tribe who loved to perform to pass the time. I carried many songs with me after meeting them, although I could never play an instrument of theirs. From how they acted, I suggested they look into Aratuna and they were more than happy to hear of a goddess seductive enough to have all of them under her finger.      We arrived at a town on the marsh when I said my goodbyes to them. Surrounded by Dragonborn, I won’t lie about how worried I was. A few were worried about me as well, until I found my way to their leader. These Dragonborn was under the leadership of a Copper Dragon by the name of Eshu. Although intimidating at first, I saw her softer side appear when we began discussing the similarities between Dwuyddin and Bahamut. She actually joked a bit about how, without the worry of our deities’ wrath, we’d be the best of the bad. We laughed together for a while before she helped me cross the Zealous Ocean. She allowed me the honor of riding on her back as she flew between the continents. The world was so grand from the sky that I couldn’t sleep. I just wanted to stay up there for as long as possible, watching the sun rise and set between the continents for as long as Ilyashir would allow me to.      Once we landed, we shared one last parting joke before she flew back. With my feet resting in a land I had never seen before, I took in the smell of beautiful forest trees and the refreshing quality of cool air like a fish out of water. I spent months enjoying the new world I had found. I traveled all across the continent, meeting new people and experiencing new sights. Unlike my home, the people here were humble and dressed so. Like me, they didn’t enjoy showing too much of themselves although they do love getting to know new people. What I loved the most was that they didn’t seem to be much concerned with wealth. They all wanted each other to just live together in peace. I wondered how I could ever return home when I’m surrounded by so many others like me.      I found my way to a small town by the name of C’Moira. It was founded and protected by some Dwarves, Gnomes, and Humans. They loved to drink and fight a lot, but, whenever they would fight each other, it would always end in smiles. It was amazing to me how they could be punching each other one moment then laughing about each other’s swings the next. I told them about Nadari, the Ascended goddess of combat, before I left to see what other people the continent was willing to share.      I was walking through the forests north of C’Moira in the middle of the night, a gentle mist forming around me. I looked up and the moon’s light stretched through the trees above me like arms from the Moon Weaver herself. The rays seemed to guide me, leading me to a village full of happy people who were all seated around a large bonfire to share stories. As I peaked around from a tree, I almost happily jaunted up to them before seeing their ears. Coming to a shortened point, I realized that they were all Half-Elves and my body froze. Remembering my own child, I couldn’t muster up the courage to meet them, risking running into my own daughter. I slept alone in the forest.

     Before I knew it, I had already downed a full bottle and I had barely finished the first few pages of the journal. This “Mahe Cassal” and her life as a human was fascinating to me. I couldn’t take my eyes off of her journey as I turned the page to find a few of the pieces of parchment torn slightly, as if someone tried to rip it from her grasp. It made a few of the words indiscernible, but the pages to follow were written after a large amount of time it felt. She wrote about how she awoke somewhere else, someplace terrifying. She said she was surrounded by strange creatures of varying sizes. I assumed she was speaking of those atrocious Orcs or Goblins, their homes are always in horrific shapes and ugly forms almost as grotesque as themselves. She spoke of being forced to work for them, sometimes being beaten even. Despite her hardships, she always seemed to stay positive, certain that there was a reason for what she was being put through and that something pleasant would come to her in due time.      Apparently, it did. She met someone who she was able to help and spread her knowledge to. She spoke of him, or her since she never specifies a moniker, in a bit of a motherly fashion, but warm. She saw some promise in her, which allowed her to open up for the first time in a long time. Before I knew it, she had returned to seeing her reflection and her aches becoming apparent. The journal ended abruptly, a kind of lackluster conclusion to a story which seemed to just being started.

Epilogue

     The story had ended and I should have returned to my bed to rest but something about the journal kept me up. I continued to drink and question what the journal actually meant. I wondered if other slaves kept journals like these and what stories they would tell. Apparently, none of them had such things since the handed over nothing like it upon request.      For the next few days, I found myself obsessed with the journal, reading it over and over to myself. Each time I read it, I found myself growing more and more regretful. She seemed happy...truly happy despite all of her mistakes and issues, yet, here I was, not able to find it for myself. She was able to give up a child without evil clutching her heart, while I can’t give up my blade without wanting to fight someone.      With the help of the journal, I was able to reflect on myself. I never showed any of my family, knowing that they would rather burn it than let me have it. If the other royal families discovered me like this, who knows what they would try. I swallowed my new feelings as I continued to watch over those below me, seeing them as being filled with promise, at least when they weren’t annoying me about working conditions.      That slave...she was never able to reconcile with the ones she left. Perhaps, I could reconcile for her. Not with hers, obviously, but my own. It may take a few lifetimes but...maybe there is a chance. After a few months, I brought together a group of slaves who were loyal to only me and tasked them with creating a way for me to leave my home away from prying eyes. They agreed after I offered more compensation and mercy like I did to the one who first gave me the journal. He assured them that I was earnest.      Upon their completion, they ran to inform me like the excited little gnomes they were. It was the dead of the night and no other person was awake. I followed them to the new exit they had created me, and I paused in awe. They asked if it was to my liking, but I simply stood in shock at a minuscule dot pierced the darkness that surrounded my life. I waved for them to leave me be as I rushed back to my room. I packed some clothes, a few bottles of wine, some rations, and a few weapons before rushing back. The servant who had given the journal, the same one whom I took the eye of a few months prior, was there waiting for me. He handed me a few tattered rags, telling me to conceal my face with them. Appalled at first, I saw honest concern on his face. I took it in my hand, doused it in fragrance to improve its smell, and then wrapped it around myself, heading his warning. For the first time in my life, I thanked him, a slave, before rushing towards the light.      For the first time, I left my life of luxury alone, in search of answers. I took a deep breath, clapped my hands together, and did something I never thought I would do in a hundred lifetimes. I asked Dwuyddin for guidance.

[m-herra]

🖊+Helex and Elsinaire?

Omg i forgot about these

Edit: I stg tumblr doesn't post right.

Helex Duilenus

A guard from Cyrodiil training under Commander Maro to guard the Emperor Titus Mede II

Tries very hard to be a good imperial soldier and guard but maybe a bit too hard, he's soon sent to stay with Whiterun Guards Elsinaire and Lovionl Adus to learn how to actually be a likeable guard

Tbh he's pretty young so its a bit understandable why he's trying to be "by the book" but also he's a bit of a bitch about it

Has had multiple run ins with criminal factions and since this is his first time meeting them he has no fucking clue that they were criminals. Example: he's good friends with S'agh, a known Vampire Lord with ties to both Thieves Guild and Dark Brotherhood. It's known and quite obvious because no one tries to do anything but Helex is that dense

Smol

Used to crush on a Bosmer named Applewind but was informed that A) he's not interested and B) Old enough to be his great grandfather

He's also a bit of a ditz/gets lost in the clouds a lot, Commander Maro gave him a task to find a prisoner and he still hasn't realized that it was to get him out of Dragon Bridge

To give an idea of his age, he's about 18-19, no one's really sure which but he's an adult at least? Here's a sword go stab something you little disaster

Has no idea what gender he is but leans towards masculine for now

He legit thought Applewind was a girl (and that apparently happened often to the bosmer) and was left shut inside until he got his head together and realized it really didn't matter the gender he just has a type. (And that is anyone who could probably pick him up so that's... more than half of Skyrim)

Has a cream coloured horse named Mara, and another brown horse named Dibella. He adores both. (Old picture but eh)

Can and will die for a doggo, if his death would benefit them in anyway then it might happen

Doesn't have a lot of restraint yet but is working on via Inigo and his braincell (where Inigo got it is unclear, investigation is underway)

Would die for Kharjo bc Kharjo is a good pal.

Despite being shunned and punished for using Magic when he was younger, he has a talent for it.

May or may not be a dragonborn but not like the others. Instead of a Dragon Soul, he has Dragon Blood, and we can thank Sanguine's shenanigans and a Priest for that.

No seriously he's fucking tiny but not like, that tiny, he's more or less a twig so Skyrim Citizens could accidently snap him in half if they aren't careful be gentle with the baby

Elsinaire Adus

He's a vampire thanks to his Grandfather (who died shortly before the events of tes4) and thankfully didn't have to be diseased or deal with Moldy Bitch Balls (he still hates him for what he did to Lamae and his Grandfather he will not hesitate)

Somehow, and I stress the sheer luck of this, evaded being found out by: his superiors back in Cyrodiil, Several Vigilants of Stendarr, the fucking Dawnguard, at least two of the Dovahkiin (tbf, Milonee thought it was an elf thing and Daro'suna is just straight up a dumbass sometimes), and for a short period of time he somehow convinced a fellow Whiterun guard that he wasn't, while he was caught feeding. He's either using vampire powers unknowingly or he's that convincing (or everyone failed several spot checks but his brother helped too)

Joined the Volkihar Vampires to see if he could control his Vampirism but later found out that not only did he have to deal with M*lag B*l, he was lied to and later hypnotised by Harkon to turn on his family and friends. Thankfully S'agh, Lovionl, and Daro'suna literally knocked sense into him (via Lovionl and his love of Warhammers and Vibe Checks)

He's taller than most but is small for an altmer, although this is a family thing, as his Grandmother is actually shorter than him and always has been. It should be noted that there has been no other races involved in his lineage that would be able to affect his height.

Dating a Companion named Metsine Wild-Blade and by the nine he's in love. They get along well but needed some outside assistance (read: counseling) after the Volkihar thing. She can also carry him and the Werewolf brothers so he's very much happy that she can handle herself should something bad happens (also werewolf cuddles are best cuddles you cam fight me on this)

Is in a poly with Metsine (Werewolf GF), Joshabhi (Magic Werecat BF), Mikaer (Musical Himbo BF), and Caysion (Argonian GF) and they get along swell.

Is the sole brunette in a family of Platinum Blondes (his brother used to be brunette but it lightened ever since Cyrodiil)

Got chewed out (along with his brother) by his mom and dad for entering an Oblivion Gate during that crisis, they also were praised because they managed to not only locate the hok (or at least local anime boy Farin Phirois) but save his life and provide some damn good backup while they climbed the tower. It was still idiotic and they deserved the scolding because they were told not to by multiple people but also was told by Farin himself to skedaddle before he realized the brothers were stubborn and lethally stupid but also dangerously brave.

Was trained by his father on combat while his mother taught magic

Hates the Thalmor with a passion and has stolen their clothes before from corpese. Admittedly, it comes in handy when they have to fool them because Thalmor share a braincell and half the time it's stolen by Ji'athra for shits and giggles

He prefers his elven armor over normal guard armor, and wears the thalmor robes underneath for the benefits and quick switch for trickery. Also because he travels a lot and seeing a guard in uniform will draw trouble.

Uses a Sword and Shield gifted to him by his Father but also cannot use a bow to save his life, thankfully, his teammates usually can or have it covered otherwise

Befriended a pair of Nord brothers in Solitude, but when Elsinaire and Lovionl Adus and Hildggr and Sorpr Arrow-Sword get together chaos can and will ensue. That's usually what happens when you pair the sons of a Daedric Prince of Madness (their mother) and two Sheogorath worshippers. Sheo would be proud.

Is training Helex on how to fucking chill and maybe learn to not be so tense.

Was assisted by a young Ji'athra on the way to Windhelm after he found the brothers on the run from Thalmor Agents, a very determined Vigilant of Stendarr who isn't an idiot, and a Werewolf. And this is after they found out their house was on fire. Big Oof

Has been hit by Lovionl's Warhammer many times and somehow has yet to show any ill effects

Carries a few bottles of blood (courtesy of fellow vamps Serana and S'agh) so he doesnt have to feed on people.

Cannot be cured of his Vampirism due to the nature of it. It should also be noted that Lovionl isn't affected by this (but he's about as pale) but then again, he has a whole nother set of issues that we don't have time to unpack.

Outside of Vampirism, he's pale as fuck and even if he wasnt a vampire the sun would be his worse enemy.

According to an obviously lying Lovionl, he's allergic to clouds and cloud magic. (How this managed to work is incredible)

He is actually allergic to fish, which is disappointing because it smells delicious but he doesnt want to be lethally stupid and eat it.

After a set of events involving badass parents, a lost dunmer lady (aka Auntie Gabelie), and several Daedric Princes of Madness and their Artifacts, he now has custody of the main villain of that mess who he intends to raise right and so they don't try to kidnap people from their parents because of what happened during the Oblivion crisis (long story short his mom and some other elf ladies found the khajiit child, cared for them, and were forced to watch as Mehrunes Dagon outright stole the kid, they didn't understand why they didnt save them so they were angry. They didn't age in Oblivion and they're still kitten aged.)

Wants a dog but tbh Metsine and Joshabhi leave enough hair from shedding so maybe not. (Also, not a lot of dogs are available rn)

"Supports" the Empire because the alternative is Windhelm's Polite Citizens And Welcoming Aura. Given the chance, he would fucking deck Tullius and doesn't even need to be prompted to throw down with Mr. Stormcloak and Galmar. None at all. It's on sight really.

[japanheart88-blog]

Elf'd Up

We welcomed our mischievous little elf into our home about 6 years ago.  Over the last six years, I've realized this little trickster sure is the cause for quite a bit of controversy. 

You either:

A)  Hate the elf and keep him far away from you and your family.

B)  Think he's too creepy for Christmas

C) Feel like it's cruel to tell your kids the elf is watching them I mean, after all, they should want to behave on their own merit, right?!  If you're using him as leverage, you're doing something wrong as a parent, right?!

D)  Want to punch all the "bored moms with nothing better to do" in the throat for going to such elaborate lengths to position the elf in such ways that make you feel like a slacker

E) Have feelings about the elf that can only be explained through expletives

F) Love the idea, but not the trickery...ain't nobdy got time to stage the elf and pick up his mess 

OR...

G)  You're all about getting elf'd up...bring on the creepy faced little nugget and all his elf'in shenanigans :)

Let me just tell you that I've pretty much experienced all of the above.  

For the last few years, I fall into category G.  I am that "bored" mom with "nothing better to do" than place my little elf into mischievous situations every (ahem...ALMOST every) night before I go to bed.  

And I do it for two simple reasons...

These two :)

They get SUCH a kick out of the elf.  They anxiously wake up every morning and scour the house for his hiding places.  They can't wait to see what crazy thing he does next.  Sometimes our elf doesn't move and the boys typically assume he's too tired to fly.  We try not to make a huge deal about it.  Our elf is for FUN.  He's become one of our favorite Christmas "traditions" can I count him as a tradition?!?!?  

He doesn't go back to Santa and report...he just flies back to the North Pole to rest and give Santa hugs, drink syrup, and play reindeer games.  And when the holiday crazies set in, I'm not ashamed to admit that I use him as leverage..."do y'all think y'all should do that?!  Y'all don't want Elfabet to tell Santa tonight, do you?!" ...but those times are few and far between.  Not because they're angels...lawd, no.  But we've always wanted him to be just something fun...and magical... for the boys.  He really does make our holidays extra magical.  Just one of the fun little things for my boys to add to their Christmas memories :)

Our elf's name is ELFABET.  My oldest named him when he first arrived at our house.  That's a teacher's kid for ya ;)  Here are a few things he's done over the years.  Maybe he'll give you some new ideas?!?!  Or prove how bored I really am?!?!  Or maybe you just want to punch him in the throat.  

Elfabet arrives every December 1st and brings the boys breakfast, random trinkets, and pajamas straight from the North Pole (aka:  North Pole Breakfast). 

You can check out this years breakfast HERE.

Below are the elf ideas I shared with you last year, but before you get to those I wanted to share what he's been up to in the few days he's been here this year :)

Snap, crackle.....ELF?!  (I found this one to be particulary creepy, but funny nonetheless)

A little game of Pie Face for the win.  I used Cortizone cream for the whipped cream so that I wouldn't wake up to a milky mess come morning.  The boys always wake up before we do and there's no way I was going to wake up early to stage this one. 

It took the boys forever to find the elf in the fridge.  In fact, they woke up at 6:30, scoured the house, and said they figured he was too tired to fly back to our house so they gave up.  It wasn't until we woke up and went to the fridge for breakfast stuff that we alerted them to his hiding spot.  Haha.

And yes...Elfabet needs a bath.  In a bad, bad way.  How disgustingly dirty is his hat?!  Gross.

This right here is the boy's all time favorite .  They still talk about it to this day!

Elfabet got a hold of my phone and went around the house snapping elfie selfies with all of us sleeping.  He left the boys a note  (and some cookies) telling them to look through the camera roll.  If you could've heard their laughs this morning, ohmiword.  Best alarm ever.    They were in hysterics!  He even changed the wallpaper on my phone!  Sneaky son of a gun.  

This is what he got into last year that had the boys in stitches...

Left to right:

He packed the boys a nutritious lunch full of syrup, chocolate syrup, icing, sprinkles, and junk food.  All the essentials for a delicious meal.  And one night he couldn't quite make it to the bathroom in time so he left a little mess on our coffee table.  SO disgusting and so hilarious all in the same breath.  I live in a house full of boys and the potty humor even makes me laugh :) 

And finally there was one night he decided to help himself to some cookies, but he realized how awful those tasted and left a note for the boys letting them know he didn't like them at all.  Silly Elfabet!  Dog biscuits are for DOGS!!  Hahahaha

1.  Elfabet always arrives with a North Pole breakfast.  He brings Christmas socks, Christmas jammies, a Christmas book, and a Christmas movie.  And candy canes, too :)  The menu always consists of hot chocolate and snow covered donuts.

2.  He got into mommy's jingle juice.

3.  Drinking syrup in the pantry...after all, it's one of the 4 main food groups :)

4.  He turned the milk green...and my husband refused to drink it (and we wonder why my oldest is so picky?!?! ;))

5.  He rode a reindeer into town and didn't want to get off.

6.  He loves sugar and processed food as much as we do!

7.  Bless.  He's stuck outside!!!

8.  Reading to his Smurfs.  Smart little fella.

9.  He strung a clothesline from the Christmas tree to the drapes.   Then he hung up the boys underwear and himself...upside down!  This was one of their favorites!

10.  Drawing a picture of he and the boys.  Ha.

11.  Drawing faces on the boys in their Santa picture.  This is the one that scarred my youngest...FREAKED him right the heck out.  He pretty much screamed...then cried...and the picture came down.  This is when I was feeling like option E above.

12.  Wrapped the tree with toilet paper.  I felt like option F and decided this wouldn't be something we do again...once was enough :)

13.  Elfabet is a big fan of The Office, so he made himself a bowl of marshmallows and some hot cocoa while he watched.

14.  "The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear."...singing while wrapped up in Christmas sheet music.  See what I did there?!

15.  Taking a bath in a sink full of marshmallows.  When I woke up, my boys were helping themselves to a few for breakfast.

16.  Stuck under a glass in our cabinets.  He stayed there for a couple of days.

17.  The boys were worried he wouldn't follow us to Indiana for Christmas, so he wrote them a letter telling them he'd be there.  Reassurance :)

18.  Another ride on the reindeer...he likes riding in style.

19.  Watching "Elf" under the covers :)

20.  He got into the leftover Halloween candy...and then we had to throw it all away thanks, Elfabet!

21.  He made a shoe mountain and climbed to the top.

22.  Fishing for goldfish in the potty.  With a candy cane.  Landon's personal favorite.

23.  Made himself a little TP hammock in between the boys' stockings.

24.  Coloring a little something special for the boys.

25.  It was a particularly rough day at school for me, so Elfabet hopped in a cop car and pulled over a school bus :)

26.  Even Elfabet knows the real reason for the season.  He stayed here for a few days, too.

27.  A marshmallow message to remind the boys why we celebrate Christmas.

28. Ziplining on tulle right for the tree.

29.  He hung the boys undies on the tree.  They laughed like crazy, and then they were all, "are you gonna take those down before people come over?!?!?!"  Ha.

30.  He was tired of coming up with ideas, so he hung upside down from the chandelier.

31.  Telling Santa what the boys want for Christmas.

32.  He hung the boys Christmas pajama pants from the stocking holders.  This was the year the boys would walk by the display and run their hands along the pants.  Then the stocking holders fell over and all broke.  That was a last for that idea. feeling like option E again...dang elf!!!!

33.  Okay.  This one was a family favorite.  We all laughed pretty hard.  Elfabet stuffed himself inside of a roll of toilet paper and rolled down the stairs.  Hahahaha.

34.  He set out the M&M's for our Christmas cookies and decided to eat a few, too.

35.  See boys, it IS cool to do chores!!!!!  However, please don't use Soft Scrub on my mirrors.

35.  A little Christmas camouflage.

36.  Reading under the Christmas tree.  We recycled quite  few ideas :)

37.  Sack races with the other stuffed animals!

38.  I don't even know where to go with this one.  Mr. SPouse was all, "why would a Purdue guy do that to Elfabet???"  Ha.

39.  Instead of hanging from the chandelier, he hung from a wreath and dropped down a line of candy canes.  

40.  A little underwear swingin' next to the Christmas cards.

41.  Elfabet likes chalk art, too!

If these ideas are lame, head on over to my Elf'd Up Pinterest board and see what I've been pinning over there!  A few new...and pretty darn funny...ideas!!  

Source: http://pearls-handcuffs-happyhour.blogspot.com/2016/12/elfd-up.html