#- with the education system and they seem to wanna make the lives of anyone who isn't a white cishet male over the age of 25 a living hell

[houseofwolvess]

abortion has officially been banned in my state. i don't know what to do now. this place just gets worse every day and im totally crushed

[freesidexjunkie]

I'm gonna get political for a second abt the election so if you don't wanna read it pls just skip, I get it and I don't care

But I feel like this election is going to be a disaster and could very well be what does us in. Biden supports genocide, the Democratic Party cares about nothing but getting votes and consolidating power. I agree. I am very much in agreement and I will never stop speaking out against them for that.

But like literally everyone has said at this point: Trump is so much worse. He will actively relish in supporting genocide. He has admitted to wanting to overthrow the government and set himself up as the only person with power. He will be so infinitely worse for everyone.

I'm not saying anyone should blindly support Biden or democrats, because they are being horrendous and we should hold them accountable for their actions. But it feels like no one remembers 2016 anymore. Hillary was a terrible and very weak candidate, but the DNC shoehorned her in anyways. We knew we didn't want Trump but we split those votes between her and multiple third party candidates anyways. We wanted so badly to affect change but we couldn't get on the same page, and we rolled out the red carpet for four of the worst years most of our generation has lived through.

What scares me even more is the piss poor job of campaigning Biden is doing. Last year (or the year before?) in Virginia, we held elections for governor. Our incumbent was a Democratic candidate who was a really shit candidate; he was in hot water over racist shit surfacing from college and he really didn't seem to do too much as governor. He got shoehorned in as the candidate anyways, running against a very pro-Trump, MAGA aligned Republican. The incumbent's entire campaign hitched on nothing more than "we can't let the other guy win!" They got complacent assuming that, in the aftermath of 2016, no one would risk letting another candidate like that win. The Republican candidate, however, campaigned like crazy and promised fantastical things to his supporters. It's not hard to guess who won. The new governor has come after our education system hard, trying to wipe out anything he doesn't like from the curriculum and trying to make the state's schools less safe for LGBT students. Our incumbent was a weak candidate, yes, but he wasn't actively harming us in these ways.

Biden is setting his campaign up the exact same way, and I feel like I'm watching the sequel to a shitty movie I didn't wanna see the first time. He's not going to do the hard work of actually convincing us that he is a good candidate. And that's sad, because he has actually made some quality-of-life achievements in his presidency before this. He could campaign on those. He could listen to his constituents about Palestine. But he's not going to, because the Democratic Party thinks bashing Trump is a viable campaign strategy.

The other side of this election is unified and passionate. I am terrified of what will happen if Trump wins. I am terrified that the entire country will never be a safe place again. I am terrified that he won't let us vote him out again in four years. I am terrified that our collective "that could never happen here" attitude is what's going to doom us all.

My main point is: keep fighting against genocide. Keep fighting against injustice and corrupt politicians and power seeking party behavior. But please, for the love of everything that matters, don't make it harder by letting Trump take power again.

[barbthebuilder]

Hey, I'm super glad you reached out for advice. Like, this is huge. When people reach out for advice they a) recognize something is wrong and b) want to change. So, first of all, I'm happy that you took first step towards change.

It's scary. Like, super-scary. This sounds like something you have been keeping to yourself for your whole life. That kind of a big secret must be very heavy to bear.

I relate to living in a country where most people don't even know about existence of your identity. Feels isolating and makes you question everything.

You have made a big and difficult decision to come out (talking about being a lesbian here). I assume it was very hard for you and you may have had to deal with a lot of judgement. If that happened to anyone they would feel discouraged as well. Keep in mind that this experience may make your queer journey more difficult - your brain recognises that coming out equals pain so it will try to keep you from that even if you want to do it in the future.

You have said that you "won't care if people make fun of me" but it seems like it's not the case when it comes to those close to you. You have mentioned that friend who made tasteless joke and I can't help but think you wouldn't have brought it up if it wasn't a big deal to you.

Same thing with your girlfriend. The thing is - you do care. You still care what others think. At least that's the impression I got. And don't get me wrong - I get it. It's only natural we crave acceptance. But you need to recognize that.

Your value as a person has nothing to do with how others perceive you. Very important to remember.

I'm sure there is part of you that wants to come out to your girlfriend and a part of you that wants to keep a secret - those two parts are in conflict and you won't find peace until you decide.

If you don't come out, you need to understand what does that mean. You will probably live with a lot of supressed pain that can evolve in different things down the line (supressing feelings is never a good idea).

Of course coming out may mean being broken up with and I understand that may be very very scary. Especially that we already established that you crave acceptance.

But what if she does accept you?

Like, imagine that she would accept you but you're too scared to come out so you hide. In such situation you will never experience how it is to be truly, fully loved.

See what I'm getting at? You are scared and you are letting fear guide you a path of avoidance. Now, you need to ask yourself: what do you want to be in control of your life? Fear? Or you?

You sound tired, and hopeless. And I get it. But I do have hope for you. Self-discovery is a bitch without good support system but people have done it. You can do it.

If you can't for now, it's fine. You can take smaller steps, like finding queer communities online, making small changes in your apperance or educating yourself on nonbinary identities (for example it may help for you to determine what kind of dysphoria you experience and how to fight it).

Tumblr is a good place to start! You can always ask some queer blogs for more specific advice or find some helpful affirmations.

Sorry if this wasn't helpful lol. But I just wanted to day that you are not alone. Queer folks are everywhere and we as a human race just generally are a bit lost in this world. I think a big part of your problem is that you keep it to yourself - which, again, understandable! But, it's sad to see you hurting so much.

Anyway, if you wanna talk about this further my dms are open. Wishing you all the best on your journey! Love ❤❤

i dont really use this account i just wanted to let my feelings out and maybe get some advice

im a 17 year old conventionally attractive girl. but i dont feel like a girl. ive known this for nearly four years now and in the past i’ve identified as nonbinary but realized no one actually respected it. i wore a binder and everyone made fun of me, they still saw me as a girl. i posted a tiktok about my binder and all the comments were about how i’ll always be a girl. so i thought if im gonna have to be a girl i’ll at least be a pretty one and i managed that pretty well. i started to wear makeup and got pretty well at it people always compliment me and i don’t wanna sound weird but lots of people have a crush on me. but i’m not that girl, i’m not the person i see in the mirror and it kills me. i’m stronger than i was a few years back now if people make fun of me i wont care that much but i have a girlfriend now. she’s my soulmate and my favorite person in the whole world but i feel like she’ll always see me as a woman. she always calls me her woman (it doesn’t sound weird in our language) and always tells me about how pretty she thinks i am and that i’m the prettiest girl in the world but i’m not a girl. and i can’t ever tell her that. i wish i felt like a guy maybe that would’ve been easier at least it’d be in binary. i don’t know im just a mess and i dont even feel human anymore. i’m not the person in the mirror and it kills me everyday to act like i am. i don’t wanna be a pretty girl, i dont even wanna be a handsome one i just don’t want to feel like this anymore. realizing that im a lesbian and coming out was hard enough i cant do this anymore especially in a country where most people dont even know what nonbinary is. im just so fucking tired. no one knows i feel this way and even a friend of mine made a joke about how cringe my genderless phase was and i do wish it was a phase. i wish a was just a cishet girl who wanted attention. if you have any advice i would be grateful and thanks if you even read this this far. im a mess so i probably made a lot of grammar errors.

[mxchellesworld]

𝟑 𝐨𝐟 𝐚 𝐊𝐢𝐧𝐝 - 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟑 

𝐒𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐫 𝐑𝐞𝐢𝐝 𝐱 𝐂𝐚𝐭 𝐀𝐝𝐚𝐦𝐬 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝐒𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬: 𝐀𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐚 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐜𝐚𝐫 𝐫𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐧𝐞𝐰 𝐬𝐞𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐫𝐮𝐥𝐞𝐬, 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐚 𝐭𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐂𝐚𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐒𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐫 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐞

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: smut, fingering, degradation, exhibitionism, use of toys, oral (male and female receiving)

𝐒𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

𝐏𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 | 𝐍𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫

***

They walked you over to an SUV which would have seemed suspicious if you weren’t so amped up on lust. Spencer held the door open for you and Cat to get in the back before he slid in. He confirmed the location with the driver before you took off towards your destination. 

You sat in between the both of them, hoping they could sense the heat radiating off your body and make the first move. As if he could read your mind, Spencer’s hand started to trail up your right thigh. You tried to glance at him when a dainty hand pulled you to the left. 

Cat’s lips teasingly pressed a kiss on your pouted lips before moving back in for more. The large hand on your thigh inched higher and higher until it reached your clothed core. You moaned into Cat’s lips at the subtle touch on your cunt. 

You parted from her lips to catch your breath. Suddenly you felt another pair of wet lips press kisses on your shoulder and move up to your neck. They were in sync as they switched actions. Spencer now using both of his hands to pull you into a heated kiss as Cat let her hand rub circles over your clit. 

You opened your eyes and saw the driver looking straight on the road. This probably wasn’t the first time the older man saw something like this. The sounds of hitched breathes and sighs filled the back of the car. 

You let out soft gasps at the teasing pleasure. You could feel them everywhere in the compact space. Their hands kept on roaming all over your body. Your head moved side to side as you switched from soft strawberry flavored lips to rougher peppermint tasting ones. 

Finally Cat’s hand pulled at the hip of your panties to tug them down your legs. You lifted your hips to help her get them down. You could barley step out of them with one leg before Spencer’s grip on your thigh pulled your legs apart. 

Your eyes widened at the driver right in front of you. Sensing your worry Spencer leaned forward to press the button rolling up the screen which would do little to hide what was going on in the back seat. 

Suddenly Cat spoke up. The first words exchanged in the whole ride. 

“Did you like having him watch you act like such a desperate slut for us?���

Remembering the demonstration from earlier you knew better than to leave her with out an answer, “Yes Mistress,” you mewled. 

They shared a giggle, returning to their lingering touches all over your steaming body. 

“You’re such a quick learner princess,” Spencer said lowly in your ear. His hand trailed down the inside of your thigh, avoiding where you needed him most. 

“Thank you Sir.” 

“I think she deserves your fingers,” Cat said as she grabbed a handful of your hair. She pulled your head back leaning to talk to Spencer as if you weren’t a soaking mess sat between the two of them. You let out a moan at her words, which caused her to look back at you. 

“Did you hear that Spence, I think the little slut wants you to stick your fingers in her dripping cunt. Isn’t that right?” 

You swore you could cum at her words. You nodded frantically as you responded, “I want your fingers so bad Sir!”

“You can beg better than that princess,” he said gathering some of the slick leaking out of your tight hole. He rubbed his fingers up your folds making it difficult for you to from a sentence. 

Cat’s lips went back to your neck. Sucking on your pressure points and adding to the distraction making your task of begging even harder. 

“Fuck,” you sighed, “I want you to fuck me with your fingers so bad Sir, please! I promise I’ll be good for you!”

Before you knew it, two of his long fingers entered your heat. He expertly started to curl them, trying to massage the spongy spot inside you. Cat moved your head to start kissing you again. She swallowed the loud moans that were trying to slip past your lips. 

Her delicate fingers moved down to rub your clit. Spencer could feel your walls pulsing around his digits. 

“I know you’re close princess. You wanna cum? Hmm?” he asked mockingly in your ear. 

You parted from Cat’s lips and let out a small, “Yes sir.” 

You were so close to the edge. Just a little more and you would reach your peak. When suddenly the car came to a stop. You let out a protest of whimpers as their hands left your body. You felt cold at the loss of contact. Spencer leaned forward to press the button to drop the partition, pulling out his wallet to pay and probably tip the driver extra for what you had put him through.

You looked down trying not to let the driver see you in such a disheveled state. You could guess your lipstick was smeared down your chin. Looking at your shoes you saw the lace around your ankle and went to pull it off to tuck in your bag. As your hands reached your lap, Cat swiped the material from out of your grasp and stuck them in the pocket of her coat with a wink. 

“Lets go,” you heard Spencer say. 

He got out first and held the door open for you to get out. His hand was on the small of your back leading you to towards the elevator of their apartment building. Cat interlocked her pinky with yours which brought a small smile to your face. 

She spoke over the low music playing in the elevator, “When we get inside we’re going to lay down some ground rules then we’ll give you exactly what you want. How does that sound angel?”

“Really good Mistress,” you said eagerly. 

A ding signaled you had arrived to the 5th floor. Cat stepped out first with you trailing behind her still attached by the pinky. You looked back at Spencer who gave you a kind smile. They seemed much more forgiving when they weren’t teasing the life out of you. 

Cat unlocked the door and led you to their wide living room. She let go of your pinky and motioned for you to sit on the plush leather couch. She took a seat on the coffee table before you, crossing her legs and shrugging off her coat. 

“Would you like something to drink?” Spencer offered as he walked over to where you sat. 

“No thank you,” you said shaking your head. 

“How about we do some introductions then we can get into the rules.”

You nodded at her and set your purse down next to you. 

“My name is Cat Adams,” she said with a hand to her chest, ”besides owning the lounge I am a lawyer.” She looked over to Spencer for him to give his introduction. 

“My name is Spencer Reid and aside from also owning the lounge, I am a professor.” 

You could’ve guessed they were both highly educated based on the large shelves spilling with books around the room. 

“My name is Y/n L/n, I just moved to Virginia and work as a receptionist.”

There was a small pause before Cat spoke out, “So you say you’ve never done this before, right.”

“Mhm”

“I need words angel. Unless you want to add on to your punishment,” she said with a smirk. 

You gulped before responding, “I’ve never done this before. But I’ve read some stuff and done a little research.” 

She took in your words as Spencer spoke this time, “That’s good. Is there anything you’re most interested in trying.”

You felt your cheeks heat up at the thought of spilling your deepest fantasies. The things you spent nights looking up and hoping you could try outside the bubble of your dreams. 

“I uh, I’m interested in impact play, degradation, knife play, bondage..yeah” 

You looked at him with wide eyes as he took in the information. Cat spoke up again, “Do you have any limits?”

“Not that I can think of. But probably nothing to do with feet or body fluids,” you said scrunching up your face. 

Cat moved to sit next to you on the couch. “Any questions so far?”

“Yeah um have you guys done this before? Bringing in another I mean.” 

Spencer took her spot on the coffee table and rested his hands on his knees, “We have experimented with another but this is our first time asking for a sub to join our.. dynamic.” 

You took in the information before responding, “What makes you think I’m a sub?’ you said which a challenging voice. 

They shared a look and laughed before looking back at you. “Cmon angel you really think you can convince us, you’re anything but a pouty little sub.” 

“Whatever,” you mumbled, “Are you both doms or switches?”

“Spencer is a switch with a dom lean but I am just a dom,” Cat said licking her lips. You nodded in response. 

“Ok so rules,” Cat said excitedly, “First of all we go by the traffic light system. Green for good to go, yellow means slow down or try something else, calling red means that the scene ends completely. No punishment will ever come from you calling out yellow or red. Are you alright with this part?” 

“Yes thats fine,” you said looking into her eyes. 

Spencer cleared his throat before speaking, “If we plan on doing continuing with this dynamic, we ask that you cut ties with any other partners you may have. Just keeping everyones health and safety in mind.” 

“Of course,” you said looking back at him, “I haven’t been with anyone for over six months and I was tested earlier this month. All clean.”

“Lastly,” Cat spoke again, “Don’t expect much of a relationship. Of course we will provide aftercare and all that good stuff but remember this is a partnership. Don’t expect any dates.” 

You nodded slowly taking in what she said, “I understand.” Of course you knew this was going to come. That didn’t mean it hurt any less after she made it clear you really were just a plaything for them. 

There was a shift in the air. Once the rules and acknowledgements were set you knew you had started playing again. 

Cat brought her hand to your chin making you face her, “Six months is awfully long time to go without being fucked. Tell us, do you stuff your little fingers in that tight pussy to get off? Or maybe you use a toy to mimic the real thing? I bet you’d look real pretty taking the head of my strap.” 

Before you could respond Spencer pulled you by your hair down onto your knees. His hand bringing you closer to rest your cheek right next to his hardening cock contained within his pants. 

“I bet you’re so desperate for the real thing you would cum just gagging on my cock. Those pretty lips are just begging to be used princess.”

You were practically moaning at the mix of his words and the pressure in your skull from how many times they’ve tugged on your hair. You could feel Cat’s hands playing with the straps of your dress before pushing them down your shoulder, causing it to slip and pool down by your knees. Her hand glided down until you felt a smack on your behind. 

“Answer him when he asks you a question, whore.”

You mewled at the degrading title, “I am Sir! I’m so desperate for your cock please. I promise I’ll be good,” you said looking up at him, hoping he’d take mercy on you compared to his female counterpart. 

“Color?” Spencer asked 

“Green,” you said smiling up at him.

He let up on your hair before speaking, “Alright princess, take my cock out. No teasing.”

You quickly did as you were told, trying hard not to fumble with the buckle on his belt. You felt Cat’s hands disappear from your body, turning you saw she was gone all together. 

Putting your attention back on the man before you, you unzipped his pants and pulled his boxers down to pull his length out of its confines. You were drooling at the sheer size of it wrapped in your hand. Long and pink, weeping with precum already. 

To avoid any teasing you quickly gave it a few strokes before eagerly taking him in your mouth. At least as much as you could. You suckled on the tip before moving down his length, hollowing your cheeks as you went. You could hear his groans and sighs above you as you worked your mouth on his aching cock. 

“Fuck thats it princess. Your mouth was made for my taking my cock,” he gritted. His was rough compared to the way he was soothingly running his thumb across your cheek. 

Lost in the motions of pleasuring Spencer, you failed to hear a low buzz fill the air around you. Spencer pulled your head off his cock, a line of spit trailing from his tip to your lips. He nodded his head for you to look behind you. 

Cat was spread out completely naked on the couch, sleek black vibrator pressed against her clit. She curled her fingers commanding you to move over to her. You did so quickly, trying not to trip over the dress that was still around your knees. 

“You looked so pretty taking his cock like the little slut you are,” she said between a moan, “But now you’re gonna make me cum with your mouth angel.”

“Yes Mistress,” you said pressing kisses up her thighs. You trailed your tongue to where she wanted you, quickly licking a strip up her soaking folds. She let out a moan above you. 

You wasted no time diving into her heat. Switching between long strokes and sucking on her bundle of nerves. You looked up to see her chest heaving, a sheen of sweat covering her body. Turning your head to the side you could see Spencer pumping his cock over the scene below him. 

You moaned into her pussy which caused the vibrations to add onto her pleasure. 

“Shit you’re doing so well pretty girl,” she mewled trying to keep her commanding voice, “I’m gonna cum on your tongue, you want that?”

You moaned a response in her heat, giving her the answer. With a few more strokes of your tongue and your mouth wrapped round her clit, she went through with her promise. You groaned at the sweet taste of her release on your mouth. You helped her ride out her orgasm before she pulled you off of her and leaned down to meet you in a heated kiss. 

Turning over to Spencer you sat in front of him with your mouth open waiting for him to also spill in your mouth. You were so blown out from lust you would do anything they told you to do. 

“That’s it princess. Such a good fucking girl. Just a mouth for us to fuck use whenever we want,” he tried to grit out, quickly tugging on his cock to milk his orgasm out. 

You closed your eyes as you felt his ropes land in your mouth and drip down your chin. You happily swallowed and licked the corner of your mouth to not waste any of it. 

“Get on the fucking couch,” he said motioning back behind you. 

You took your place next to Cat who was smiling blissed out from her recent orgasm. She got up on her knees, turning the vibrator on and trailing is across your tummy. 

“I think she deserves to cum now. Don’t you think Spence?” she asked as he moved to sit next to you. Once he was settled he pulled you to sit on his lap with your back pressed against his chest, making you yelp at the sudden movement.

“She definitely deserves a reward for how good she’s been tonight.” 

Again they spoke as if you weren’t even there. The thought of finally getting a release made your insides churn. Spencer pulled your thighs open as Cat set the vibrator on your stiff clit. You let out a loud moan at the sudden pressure. 

“Make all the noise you want angel, let us know who makes you feel this good,” Cat said trailing kisses on your chest. 

“Fuck, thank you Mistress,” you whined out. 

Your hips were trying to buck to meet more of the vibrator but Spencer wrapped an arm around your waist to keep you from moving. 

The hand that wasn’t preoccupied moved down like it had earlier in the car. His long fingers dipped into your leaky folds. They easily slid in and he wasted no time in pumping them in and out, combined with curling to rub your sweet spot. 

You were a mess of moans and whimpers. Spilling out ‘thank you’s’ and curses. The knot in your belly was tightening and you knew you were about to burst soon. As if they could sense it, Cat upped the vibrations on the toy and pressed it firmly against your clit. You all but screamed at the pleasure taking over your body. 

“That’s it princess be a good girl and cum for us,” Spencer cooed in your ear. 

“Let go angel we got you,” Cat said rubbing your thigh tenderly. 

In no time you felt your orgasm wash over you. Your body twitched as white hot coursed through your veins. You were thanking them repeatedly as you tried to catch your breath. 

Your head fell back on Spencer’s shoulder with a dazed smile on your face. 

“I’ll go start a shower,” you heard Cat whisper. 

Spencer got you to sit up and pushed some of the hair out of your face, “Let’s get to the bathroom pretty girl. Can you stand?” 

You nodded weakly. He put your arm around his waist for support to walk though the dimly lighted apartment. 

Once in the bathroom, Cat extended her arms for you to take. She pulled you in and moved you under the shower head to let warm water run down your body. You saw Spencer get undressed then soon joined you in the spacious shower. 

They moved again so you were in between them. Spencer’s hands lathering shampoo in your hair as Cat was whispering reassuring phrases in your ear. 

“You did so good for us tonight angel. We are so proud of you baby.”

Soon after you were all clean, they wrapped you in a fluffy towel and led you to their bed. You sat down quietly as they moved around their familiar space, redressing into pajamas. 

You spoke up timidly, “Do you guys um want me to leave? I can just call an uber to go home.” 

Spencer sat next to you and handed you a large tshirt, “No just stay the night. It’s probably 3 am already.” 

You took the shirt and slid it over the towel before pulling down. You silently folded the towel before speaking again, “I can sleep on the couch if you want. I don’t wanna intrude on anything,” you said biting your lip. 

Cat slid into the bed and held the sheets open for you, patting the open space. It was a large king size bed with soft grey sheets and equally fluffy pillows. She pulled you into her arms and let her hand run though your damp hair. 

You let out a content sigh and felt a pair of strong arms reach around the both of you. You were snuggled into their warm embrace and fuzzy off the high of lust. If this is what it meant to be part of their dynamic then you had no problem following through. 

Or so you thought. 

[werevulvi]

I hope these show up in the right order. This kinda stuff is exactly what makes me feel lost about my transness. Like I was just trying to be nice and agreed with this person's post. I had no interest in being an asshole or arguing what bio sex, or even what butch, is. I was just declaring myself as a bio female because it felt relevant to the topic and how I relate to it. It amazes me how even the pro self-ID types are against self-ID when someone identifies in a way that doesn't suit their narrative, even when it's a trans person whose identity they deny.

They blocked me and I don't want anyone going after them, I just wanna rant. And not even about this specific post or person, but more so about trying to exist as a gender critical trans person in general. I've been thinking about that for days, weeks, perhaps months or even years already, so it's really not about this specific person. I guess it was just what triggered me to finally start writing.

I guess I feel like both most other trans people and most other gender critical people, view transness as incompatible with gender critical opinions, and like that makes me feel pulled in two opposing directions. But anyone of any ideology can be dysphoric and transition because it helps them cope. I don't think that my opinions, or my choice to hang out with radfems, means that I'm self-hating, or even that I'm going against the needs of my own trans demographic. My own trans demographic is just all too good at confusing wants with needs... generally speaking. I see sex and gender the way I do because it makes sense to me personally, and I don't even argue that it's necessarily the objective truth. I don't think there is such a thing. It's just my truth, my perception of the world.

That I can't make myself see myself as a man for real, despite my dysphoria and transition, doesn't mean that I think it's wrong to transition, or that my body is damaged by it, or that transitioning is useless. Because it's not. I love my transition and everything it has given me. I'm comfortable with my transitioned body. It deserves love, especially my love. And although I still struggle with some insecurities, I feel like I love my body. It's been... incredibly good to me. It's stayed very healthy, and even keeping up a strong immune system despite my smoking, self harm, careless sexual escapades, etc. I may still have a fraught relationship with being female, but as long as I transition, I seem to be managing it fairly well. Except then I have a more fraught relationship with society instead. Can't win, but that's life, innit?

I don't think either my transness or my political opinions are my real problem or ever was. I think it's society's constant fighting about trans people's genders, lives and choices, that makes me constantly cave in on myself. Can't handle the pressure.

It feels like it's only ever getting worse. Ten years ago my biggest concern was people not ever finding me attractive because I was turning myself into some kind of a freak, which luckily I was proven to be wrong about. Five years ago my biggest concern was nonbinary people trying to normalize asking people their pronouns, which made me fear that people would never leave me alone about my gender, unless I forced myself to be hyper-masculine, which I still worry about. Three years ago my biggest concern was having been stripped of my sex-based rights and dehumanized for how I had chosen to treat my dysphoria, which I still worry about as well, and now...

...my biggest concerns are being treated as a third gender, fetishistic predator who should be shoved away into gender neutral spaces, and I fear that one day medical transition will be taken away as an option to treat dysphoria if transness is continued to be rejected as a medical condition. My heart rate is ever increasing. Can I even realistically "just go on with my life" anymore? I feel compelled to do something, but I also feel like there isn't anything I can do. No matter how many people I try to "educate" about dysphoria and why transition is incredibly important, all the while being as humble as I can, I am seriously lacking behind the much faster spread of harmful misinformation.

Thing is, I do not blame gender critical people for spreading some of that misinformation. For example of trans women as fetishistic predators, which people apply to trans men when they still fail to understand that MtF is not the only kinda trans there is, or when we dare to be just a little bit feminine while passing as male. If anything, I blame the true sources of such harmful claims, which slowly increase my anxious heart rate, over years, turning into decades, of living as openly trans. I blame opportunistic men who pretend to be trans women for gaining access to women's spaces, be it prisons, spas, shelters, sports, what have you, when they cannot possibly be dysphoric judging by how happily they swing their dicks around women as if it's no big deal and make no attempt at transitioning, but also who cares if they are dysphoric, no one should behave that way either way. I blame the trans rights activists who say lesbians have to suck dick if it's attached to a trans woman, and those who say that gay men have to be into pussy and date trans men. I blame those who say that trans women are bio female by virtue of identifying as female, and claiming that they can get periods, by virtue of... bowel cramps?! I'd also blame those who try to change female specific language on behalf of shielding trans men from our own dysphoria, in the rare cases we'd end up getting pregnant or manage to drag our asses to the gyno office for a pap smear, which... most of us really don't, regardless of if you call us women or uterus-havers, sincerely, please stop. It makes people think trans women are trying to take over the term "woman" entirely for themselves, which of course they don't.

I could go on, but I won't, as this post is not about these things. It's more so about how estranged I feel from the people who spout these things, knowing that they think they're speaking for me and my supposed needs as a tranny. But I see no point in trying to educate them, as they won't listen any more to me than they would to a radfem, and again, I think this post in my screenshots shows just how unwilling they are to listen to me.

I guess living with my transition on constant display is what's hard, and I guess I just need to vent about that, as it's always judged one way or the other; as either me having made myself into a man, or that I'm a delusional woman who mutilated herself; and it's kinda hard to find a kind and sane middle ground, that perhaps I'm just a victim of circumstances, and trying to make the most of my own life, regardless of what the fuck I am. That social shit, on top of dealing with dysphoria, makes it really difficult to not hate myself, I guess. But I have tried to live stealth and that made it if possible even worse, as it felt like I was lying, keeping a huge secret that grew in me like a spreading virus.

What I want is to just live my life, and for neither my bio sex, nor my transition, to stop me from doing that. I want to work through the worst of my autism, enough to be able to pursue a career in some low-paying labor, blue-collar job; get a car and driver's licence, find a suitable husband to have a child and cats with; I want my own garden, an art studio; I want to build muscle to become strong and even more independent (and perhaps strong enough to carry that husband, but at least to carry myself), and so on. When I picture myself in that potential future, it is with this male-like appearance I transitioned my body into, but it is also as a mother and wife.

And thinking about all of that makes me happy, it makes me smile and feel joy, meaningfulness, hope... While thinking about arguing online with some miserable fuck, who's deadset on arguing semantics and calling me a terf, when all I wanted was to show a little bit of kindness, that "hey, I agree with you, you make a good point here, and I'm not here to fight" only to be spat right back into my face... just makes me feel sad. Whatever happened to diversity of opinion? It's gone, it became labeled as bad, and left people like me with no place to be.

There is no point in arguing with such people, or even trying not to argue. There's no winning in that, there's no reward, no accomplishment. It's better to walk away.

I know I just have to get over this, this inner conflict of going against my transness with my gender critical opinions, and that I'm going against my womanhood with my transition - and be stronger than the political climate that's pulling me into pieces. But if it's peace that I want... I can just forget about it. There's no road there. But I have trouble letting go of that simple dream. The internet is constantly manipulating me into thinking I have an exciting social life, when in fact it's non-existent, and the lie is destructive. With internet vs real life, I'm living a double life. One of those lives has a future, the other one does not.

I'm glad I made this rant. It actually made me feel better, and reminded me that it's still worth it. Being trans, moving forward, focusing on what is good and what can become good in life. And it reminded me that the internet is merely an imitation of life, a substitute for human connection, and can... as with much else, be both good and bad.

[genshin-obsessed]

I dread everything about school, sure, I got some friends. But that doesn't help ease the pain of having a mental breakdown the night before school starts.

I've given up trying to ask my mom or dad if I could get a day off, my mom wouldn't allow me since my dad won't let me. My dad has said he only cares about my education, so I don't see the point in trying anymore.

I envy people who have a mental break day where they can skip school/work. Even in the weekend I can't get rest without thinking about tomorrow. I had a breakdown last week and ended up being yelled at by my dad. Now I really don't think he cares about me besides getting an education.

I already plan on getting an actual job, started a business, how much longer do I have to suffer before I can just get a day off? Or when will I ever be good enough for him?? I'm trying to do things that make me useable enough for society, even though my grades are fucking failing and I can't stop lashing out on things.

These things don't matter anyway, he'll just end up telling me again "and I don't want to go to work" then WHY THE FUCK DID YOU GET THAT JOB?? fucking peice of shit, he doesn't care about my mental health unless it makes me unable to be a working citizen and get an education.

I'm so fucking tired, I'm trying to keep everything in, but I'm so afraid. I'm so afraid that something will happen that I can't control. I don't want to hurt someone again, but I don't know how much longer I can keep it all in.

I just have to suck it all up, going to school like nothing happened, again. My suicidal thoughts have started to come back, my anxiety has been worse and worse, and I feel like relapsing again.

The only reason I don't self-harm anymore is so I don't get put into a mental hospital again. But if I end up not keeping all these urges and thoughts away then I'll just end up in the mental hospital or worse, an actual prison. The mental hospital felt like a prison anyway, which is why I'm scared to tell any teacher or adult at my school.

It's also 1am, and I shouldn't be bothering anyone with this. I can't bother my sister, she has to get enough sleep to go to work, and with how much little time I get with her now, it's just like when she was in college and i had nobody. My parents are useless in this situation, because my mom would just get yelled at by my dad for suggesting me staying home. And talking to her feels so.. uncomfortable. My dad is just a no. There is no talk about my mental health, if I'm feeling sad, I'll just have to deal with it.

I'm stuck, I don't know how much longer this will last, but probably for a couple more years.

I wish I could easily take my life away, there is hardly anything I want in life anymore.

Just a note before I start: I made a new tag for anyone to block because I’m gonna allow more serious topics with it. I’ll go with the regular tw tags as well, but this one is just one big tag: 🐚— vent

Right, onto you anon. I wanna start by saying I am so, so sorry you’re going through this. I understand, my mother was extremely hard on me in school. She rarely let me take breaks off of school and kept his idea that I had to attend almost every day to be a good student and to have a good education.

Even in college, both of my parents are pretty hard on me to take “good classes” and not “waste” my time. I don’t think many parents understand the stresses of school and it makes it hard for them to understand how terrible those days can be.

The school system is all messed up. Learning subjects that most of us won’t use- unless you’re choose a job in that particular field- teachers pile on too much homework, everything is just memorization at this point, and it gives us little time to relax. The way some teachers even assign homework makes it hard for us to even relax on weekends, which is why we have them. You really only have summer and even then, some parents force their children into extra activities then.

You feelings are valid. 100%. You’re allowed to feel exhausted, especially when you’re not getting any breaks. Getting through high school is the probably the only thing that’s really required for most jobs. But having a college degree doesn’t mean you’ll be rolling in money. It just means you can have a more secure job but by no means guarantees success. Parents don’t realize that.

For you, especially, it’s all building up. I’m sure you already know this to. Holding it in 100% won’t help. The stress also seems to be affecting your school work and it’s making it harder to pass classes which just leads your parents to lash out. It’s a vicious cycle that just doesn’t stop. And the only way to really stop such a thing is to take a step back, but you’re not even allowed to do that.

I think the attempt to please your dad’s ideals is also adding stress. You want to be good enough, and that’s understandable, but sometimes parents project what they couldn’t do onto us. Sometimes, it’s never enough because at the end of the day, they’re not the ones who could accomplish that. I’m sorry to say that and I hope it doesn’t upset you further, but maybe you should try doing this for yourself and not him. Some parents will never be happy- as sad as it is to say that.

I’m glad you don’t self harm, and I’m really proud of you for breaking away from that. Yes, it may just be to stay away from the mental hospital, but I’m still happy you’re staying away from it. Although, I would recommend talking to someone about this, other than me of course, because I can’t do much for you, unfortunately. I can only listen and offer a bit of advice.

Though you don’t want to stress out your sister, it seems like she may be the only one you can kind of trust. Maybe if you’re of age, you could try talking to a therapist or meeting with a school counselor/therapist. They may be able to actively help you, maybe even working with some of your teachers to lessen the workload. Either way, they’ll be more helpful than me.

I want you to know you’re doing an amazing job though. You’re still going after all of this and I know it seems bad, but I know it’ll get better. I know this isn’t much, but I’m very proud of your resilience.

If anything, when you’re on your own and in college, you can 100% take a break and you’ll definitely deserve it. But I do want you to try and talk to somebody you find you can trust. Or try to reach out for help, because something like this can’t be done alone.

There is one thing I think you want and that’s to be free from all of this. School, your parents, the exhaustion, the stress, and so that can be your goal. Though these days will show up often, maybe the idea of being free from all of this while still being able to live a happy life can be that push you need. I’m not sure if you’re able to move away for college, but I would recommend you do that. It’s a little difficult to be on your own, but you’ll get to choose how you live.

I know my response was kinda all over the place, but I really hope it helped anon💖💖 you’re always welcome to come here and talk to me if you’d like. Maybe about school, homework, just to vent, or chat! I would like to hear how you’re doing too 🥺💖

[bisexual-books]

Dustin’ off the ole blog (or why I don’t feel bad for Becky Albertali)

Hey guys.  Wow.  Its been like two years since anybody posted here and three since I wrote anything of substance?  In my defense I adopted a teen so life got super duper busy around that time, but now that I’ve (mostly) sorted out the day to day parenting stuff, I’m back.  At least for today.  Because whooo boy do I have A LOT thoughts and feelings about the situation with Becky Albertali.  

So let’s jump right in : I don’t feel bad for Becky Albertali .  Not at all.  I think she is wrong and am not moved by her medium post.  I think Gabby Dunn is on the right track to criticize her and I would like do so as well because I think she is wrong.  

What Albertali (and her twitter fans) seem to willfully ignore in her medium piece is that readers don’t side-eye straight authors without good reason.  We do it because over and over and over again, straight authors do a shit job of writing about queer issues, creating realistic queer characters, and discussing queer issues.  How does an author earn the ability to avoid that side-eye? How do they avoid questions, comments, and concerns about their ability to do those things in their writing?  By being an open and proud member of the queer community ie coming out.  Coming out is important and difficult work in a fundamentally heterosexist society, and hence is rewarded as such by our community.   If you don’t do that work, why exactly should I or any other queer person give you that cachet?  

Fundamentally I see Becky Albertali wanting the socio-emotional bennies of queer author status, without doing the work of coming out.  And I’m just not finding much sympathy for that. She is not owed the benefit of the doubt by readers, particularly queer readers.  She has to earn it.  Yes, it probably was difficult for her to be questioned about her orientation while questioning, but those questions are reasonable and legitimate.  

Queer readers don’t just sit around like a dragon hording legitimacy and saying ‘mwhahaha’ to poor little straight authors.  We do this as a self-protection mechanism with good reason. We’ve experienced characters that are just a grab bag of stereotypes.  We’ve been gutted when straight authors we trusted as allies say horribly offensive things.  We’ve read arguments about queer people that bear no resemblance to our real lives and we’ve literally cried ourselves to sleep over disappointing, nasty, rude, offensive, and heartbreaking books (at least I have).  

If Becky Albertali and her defenders want to make life easier on queer authors, then instead of blaming queer readers for asking those questions, they need to interrogate why those questions need to be asked and how to reduce that need.

Instead I see Albertali in her medium piece blaming queer readers for needing to protect themselves, for needing to side-eye, for needing the explicit power of #ownvoices and support of out authors.  I don’t see her piece putting rightful, blame on straight people and straight culture that created these situations in the first place.  Blaming queer readers for daring to question her is a pernicious type of victim blaming, and I have no time or patience for that.  We erect these walls to protect our own hearts and souls, not because we’re big meanies.  If you don’t want to be on the wrong side of the wall, then help dismantle the need for it.  Don’t blame us for its existence. 

I’ve seen some people on twitter say this is somehow gatekeeping or cutting people off from exploring/discovering their queerness in art.  And I think that argument is off base.  No one was preventing Alberteli from making her art.  She could have written in a notebook or on Smashwords for all the days of her life.  People can make a dozen deviantart accounts or twitter accounts or AO3 accounts or tumblr accounts or discord servers and post their queer art creations all over the internet while they work out their queer feelings.  It is easy and free and no one is stopping anyone else from doing so. 

However I think when you cross the line from creating your queer art to profiting off your queer art, something fundamentally changes.  The stakes go up.  Queer readers need to know so they can decide who to trust with their hard earned cash.  We live in capitalism, man.  If you think that sucks, help dismantle that too. 

Albertali looked back in her piece, so I also want to cast back to early 2015, when Albertali first published Simon vs the Homo Sapiens Agenda.  Bi YA author Corrine Duyvis woudn’t coin the term/hastag #ownvoices until September of that year.  And it was A LOT easier to get a YA book with LGBTQ characters published if you were straight.  How do I know that?  Because it was like pulling teeth to find queer authors writing queer characters outside of small queer presses.  I was hardcore book blogging at that time.  The mainstream publishing industry side-eyed YA/kidlit queer authors, especially those who were less polished due to poverty/educational attainment/systemic racism/disability, to favor straight white authors with post-graduate degrees along with a handful of token queer authors that were already a part of the publishing industry.  This was slowly changing but it hadn’t changed that much.  It was still easier to get a queer YA published as a straight person.

And Albertali knowingly entered into and profited off that system.   

She literally has cash in the bank off the publication of the book Simon vs the Homo Sapiens Agenda, the subsequent film that became Love Simon, the subsequent book reprints and merchandise under the name Love Simon and the subsequent Love Victor show on Hulu.  They sold Love Simon shirts at Hot Topic for $20 for crying out loud.  She was able to obtain that money, prominence, and influence because she presented herself as a straight woman.

There is no comparable story in queer authorland because queer authors are simply not given the opportunity to turn their queer novels into multimedia cash cow franchises.  The closest thing I can think of is Armistand Maupin’s ‘Tales of the City‘ and that took 20 years to be made into a tv miniseries with subsequent books.  That was 27 years ago and to my knowledge, no one sold shirts.  So for most of my/ Albertali’s lifetime, there has been no viable path to create a queer media empire as a queer author.  None. 

Until Albertali did it while pretending to be a straight girl.  

She says that she legitimately did not know she was queer when Simon vs the Homo Sapiens Agenda was published or when Leah on the Offbeat was written.  It does suck that she had to figure that out while living such a public life and I feel bad that it was hard.  But honestly it sucks for everyone to figure that out.  It sucks to figure that out as an isolated teen or a professional adult.  Its just an emotionally grueling process.  Wanna make it better for future people?  Again work to disable heterosexism and heterocentrism in wider society.  Blaming queer people for that heterosexism and heterocentrism, and chiding them for not giving you unearned benefits of the doubt doesn’t do anything to disable those systems.  No one forced you to sign a movie deal or do a ton of interviews, you did that all on your own.  Ignorance of the consequences of your own actions doesn’t exempt you from having to deal with them.  

Only very very recently has the publishing landscape shifted so #ownvoices is a selling point instead of a liability.  Only very very recently (and I would argue very minimally) has the publishing industry valued #ownvoices authors enough to nurture and polish their skills with open submissions and contests for people who don’t have grad degree levels of writing skills.  And Albertali is upset at being excluded from this?  When she literally has the educational privileges of a doctorate and significantly more money than the average queer author has made in my lifetime?  

The closet sucks but no one forced Albertali to stay in it and queer people didn’t create it.  She chose to publish and license her work to reap the benefits, and as such also reaps the consequences.  Apparently one such consequence was that it was personally difficult for her to understand her sexuality and her mental health was poor.  Well.... until we can disassemble heteropatriarchy that is the world we live in.  Get your queer house in order before you go pro and open yourself up to real reactions from queer readers.  But if like Albertali, you don’t do that while choosing more and more publicity and raking in wheelbarrows full of cash, well, don’t expect much sympathy from me.  

- Sarah 

[petri808]

Secret Santa fic for @fawn-eyed-girl enemies to lovers trope. Happy Holidays :)

Helping others was something Kagome Higurashi really enjoyed doing on her time off. There were so many people in need in their city with its large homeless population, it was an easy decision to join a local organization that did things for them. From food drives to holiday meals, they’d visit shelters, or scouted the back alleyways looking for anyone that was struggling. Especially the children, oh those broke her heart and fueled her desire to do what she could year after year. Of course, there were dangers when going into the seedier areas because they weren’t just full of homeless people. Drug users, thieves, gamblers, prostitution. Most steered clear of people like Kagome, but on occasion her pepper spray came into use.

On a summers night as she made her rounds near a bar, two drunkards with a loss of inhibition saw a pretty young woman and decided she’d make for a great way to end their evening festivities. Kagome tried to be nice at first, noting the heavy stench of liquor on their breaths. It wasn’t the first time she’d dealt with men like this. But talking was getting nowhere and before she could pull out the pepper spray from her pocket, one of them grabbed her from behind. If it had just been one man she could have fought back, but not two. Kagome screamed for help, praying that someone from the bar would hear her.

“Stop being such a bitch!” the man who held her growled as she fought fiercely in his hold.

The second male grabbed her face and squeezed her cheeks to silence her screaming. “Behave or this’ll only get worse.”

At that moment, a flash of white ripped the man facing her away and her eyes widened as the guy is flung against the building 10 feet away. Next, the one holding her suddenly let go and took off running, but he doesn’t get far and is tossed through the air into the darkness of the night. Kagome stood there frozen, heart racing, just watching her white-haired savior. She’d never seen him before in the area and assumed he must have been a bar patron.

“Are, you okay?” The white-haired male questioned Kagome.

“Yes. T-Thank you, sir.”

“Good, but what kind of stupid woman are you to be in this kind of area late at night alone?! You got a death wish?! If I hadn’t heard ya screamin’, they would’a made you their bitch!”

Kagome was taken aback by this strangers outburst. He wasn’t wrong, but did he have to be an asshole about it? “I’m not stupid okay!” She crossed her arms, “I’m here doing something important.”

“Keh! Picking up idiots at the bar? You don’t look like a pro.”

“Cause I’m not a pro! I help homeless people. And what do you do sir? Bouncer at the bar cause you have no education?”

“For your information I’m a thief. You know, like Robin Hood.”

“Pfft, I doubt that. You’re a common criminal who’s just as bad as the other nasty elements I deal with, so get off your high horse in berating me and look in a mirror!”

“Look wench,” the man towered over Kagome. “Criminal or not I coulda just let them kidnap you!”

But unafraid, Kagome stood on the balls of her feet and glared right back. “And I said thank you!”

The man seemed shocked by her attitude because he stepped back while still pointing a finger angrily. “J-Just, stop being so reckless!”

He then literally jumped away, scaling the building next to them. Well, at least it was over. Kagome huffed and let out a long sigh. Good riddance! Sure, she was happy to be okay but geez, he was so mean! She hoped to never see him again!

Over the course of the next two years, her wish never came true. Which confused Kagome. Before their first encounter, she’d never seen him in the area, but after, she couldn’t go a month without running into the guy. So, after six months had passed, she’d had a friend in the police department search their records to see if this stranger had a record. Kagome never got the man’s name, but his appearance was very distinctive. Long white hair and dog ears perched atop his head. Sure, enough he was in their system. Inuyasha Taisho. Mostly petty theft, nothing major, a few fights, but often ruled defensive. Okay so he didn’t start fights, but he ended them. Even more curious is who Inuyasha’s parents were. Kagome expected to learn he had grown up in a poor area or something that lead him into thievery, but it turned out the family was wealthy.

The rest of their encounters weren’t as explosive as the first one had been, but still as irritating as ever. Someone would start to harass Kagome and Inuyasha would scare them off. He’d snap at her for being reckless, then jump away as she screamed at his fleeting back. In a few strange incidences, Kagome suspected he was nearby because she’d hear footsteps following behind her and suddenly, they would disappear. She didn’t know if he was following her or had stopped someone else from doing so, but the alleyway would always be empty when she turned around.

Don’t get her wrong, she appreciated his protection. But what had she done to illicit it in the first place? Kagome suspected Inuyasha stole things out of boredom, so was watching her his new line of amusement? And fine, since he’d never done anything to hurt her, she could tolerate his knight in white armor routine if he wasn’t such an asshole when he spoke to her!

It was maybe around the first year mark that Kagome had noticed a change in some of the activities. The amount of people bothering her had slowed, left mostly to the more foolish elements who were hell bent on trouble. Certain crowds fully stayed clear of her, especially organized elements like gangs. She wondered if word was traveling through the underground to leave her alone or face his consequences. Kagome had to admit the thought brought a flutter to her chest. Because okay, he was an ornery asshole, but he must have a heart to protect a woman... not to mention he wasn’t exactly ugly. Quite the opposite in fact...

“Yeah Sango, I just got here,” Kagome balanced the phone on her shoulder as she turned her car off. “I’m gonna unload the gifts for the kids Christmas party. Oh... okay, see you soon.”

She clicked off her phone and got out of her car, popping open her trunk before pocketing the phone. There was a lot to do before the small holiday dinner they had prepared at the community center for homeless families in the area. Gifts for the children, food, a Santa Claus was coming, tables to set up, games and decorations. As she leaned into her trunk to grab gifts, Kagome ran down her to-do list in her head.

“Don’t move.”

A chill runs down her spine at the deep voice right behind her and something poking into her back. Kagome’s body stiffened up instantly as all the blood drained from her face.

“Don’t turn around, don’t make any sudden movements if you wanna live.” The hard object pressed deeper into her side. It was cold like the muzzle of a gun. “I know money is kept in the office to pay vendors, so you’re gonna get it for me,” the male voice instructed.

Kagome whimpered. “Okay, I’ll get you whatever you want, just please d-don’t hurt me.”

The man forced her away from her car towards the building, keeping constant pressure to remind her he could fire off his weapon at any time. This was the first time since the night she’d met Inuyasha that Kagome had felt true fear. So many things were running through her mind, her family, friends… What if this man killed her and left her for dead and the children saw it? Those kids had it hard enough. They don’t need to be traumatized further. All she could do was pray in her head to be spared.

She fumbled with the keys to open up the side door, but Kagome’s hands were shaking so badly, she drops them. “S-sorry!”

“Stupid bitch!”

“I’m sorry!” Kagome cried out and braced for some kind of backlash, but instead is greeted with the most demonic sounding growl she’d ever heard. In seconds, she’s knocked to the ground, pushed out of the way as white hair flies past her vision. It was Inuyasha fighting with the robber! She scrambled away, pressing herself against the building as the two men battled on the ground. Inuyasha was trying to wrestle the gun away and strike at the same time. But unlike the other attacks, this stranger was much, much stronger. She covered her ears to the growls and curses, the sounds of her own screams ringing in her ears but couldn’t tear her eyes away.

Until a loud boom, followed by a flash of light made Kagome’s scream cut off. She instantly shielded herself in reaction and all noise was replaced by a buzzing sound. The gun had gone off! Inuyasha let out a guttural roar at the impact, but it didn’t stop him, only made him ten times angrier. She watched in a mixture of horror and intrigue as his eyes turned red and purple markings appeared on his cheeks. He slashed deep into the strange males chest and abdomen, once... twice... not to stop but to kill. At the third raising of his arm, Kagome cried out, snapping Inuyasha back to reality. He stopped, hand raised, staring down at the man who was semi-conscious, and fatally injured without immediate medical treatment.

Kagome stumbled and rushed over to Inuyasha, ripping her jacket off in the meantime. “Oh, my god you’ve been shot!” Tears are clouded her vision and her hands shook, but she pressed her jacket against the wound in his stomach. “Keep the pressure,” she instructed while pulling her phone out. “I need to call 911, y-you need to get to a hospital.”

“Tch, don’t worry about me. I’ll live.”

His nonchalant response made her stop what she was doing and sent Kagome to such a level of anger, it took Inuyasha completely by surprise. The tears that clouded her vision now freely poured down as she rapidly punched his shoulder as hard as she could. “You asshole! You asshole! You asshole!! You’re not invincible! You just got shot because of me! Why?! Why would you go this far to protect me?!”

More sounds appeared around them. A car, running footsteps. Her friend Sango’s voice, talking, yelling about hurry and emergency. But all Kagome and Inuyasha could do was stare at each other oblivious to it, he wide-eyed, and her crying and shrieking.

“Tell me!” Kagome beat his chest one last time before slumping from exhaustion. “Why do you keep protecting me?”

Inuyasha turned his head away in embarrassment, cheeks the color of a tomato and ears pinned down. He mumbled, “Because I like you,” then braced himself to be cussed out and/or completely rejected.

What he gets in return is a snorting laughter from the woman who quickly grabbed his face and kissed him hard on the lips.

“You dumbass!” Kagome snapped at him through smiling tears. “All you had to do was talk nice to me and ask me out!”

“I’m not good with women, and besides I didn’t think you’d like a guy like me.”

Kagome is moved to the side when the EMT and police arrived to treat Inuyasha, but it doesn’t halt the conversation. “Well, you will need to behave yourself if you wanna go out with me, but that doesn’t mean I won’t give you a chance.”

Inuyashas ears perked back up. “You’re serious?!”

Kagome smiled. “I believe that everyone deserves a second chance, why else do you think I do the things I do?”

“So, when I get out of the hospital, can I take you out for dinner?”

“It’s a date.”

[thechangeling]

Hi...

So I might be neurodivergent...

How can I be sure?

Without a professional...

How much surety can I get and how?

Hi!

Fair warning this is gonna be long. I'm sorry.

Ok first of all the term neurodivirgint is pretty broad actually. It just means not neurotypical. So if you have any sort of mental disability or illness, that would make you neurodiverse if you wanted to use that label. It's not just autism and ADHD which is a common misconception.

But if you think you're autistic then I can help you. Maybe. First off, resources. There are a lot of resources here on tumblr like the actuallyautistic tag. I know it seems unprofessional to get your resources from tumblr but most well known and profession published peices are by doctors or parents if children with autism. Hot take, there is nothing any doctor can teach you about autism that I can't teach you. Or any other autistic person. We are the experts on ourselves.

I reccomend following autistic creators on tumblr and also on tiktok since that's where most of the action is. Also books written by autistic people if you're interested in that. All The Weight of Our Dreams is good. It's about living as a POC with autism but I reccomend reading it still if you're white like me because it's a good resource. Also Neurotribes which actually isn't written by an autistic author but is very well researched and includes quotes from autistics. It goes into talking about ABA and institutionalization though so if you might be triggered by that it's best to avoid. I also reccomend checking out ASAN and the autistic women's and nonbinary network.

In terms of diagnosis it depends on a lot of things. If you are an adult, getting an assessment can be tricky.It's pretty expensive if you go through a private clinic and if you go through any sort of facility connected to your local hospital then I think you can use your insurance but depending on where you live it might not cover it. If you live somewhere that does not have free healthcare then I think it might be pretty pricey. Idk I live in Canada.

The truth is I got my diagnosis when I was two years old. I was incredibly lucky and privileged enough to have my mom know someone who worked with kids with learning disabilities and got me to see a specialist for free. But the truth is this is rare. If you are a girl or basically anyone who is not a cisgender boy you will have a harder time getting a diagnosis due to stigma. Also if you aren't white.

If you are a minor you need your parents consent to get you an assessment. I would advice you to look up the process in your country and local area to figure out how things work. Usually you need your family doctor to refer you to a psychiatrist who will refer you to a specialist.

Yes I'm sorry I know this is complicated. This is why most people just self diagnose instead. There's nothing wrong with self diagnosis especially if you are anything other then a white cis boy. The system is stacked against you. They don't wanna believe you're autistic because you don't fit their narrative. If you genuinely have done a ton of research and you believe that you are autistic then you probably are. I believe you.

If you do want to proceed with getting a diagnosis though, be warned that the process is pretty long and invasive. I had to get reassessed when I was 17 for college so I could get a college IEP. (Individual Education Plan) and that was pretty stressful.

You can't get educational accommodations without a diagnosis though, or disability cheques from the government. However if you get a diagnosis you can't get married depending on where you live. It's complicated.

In terms of ADHD basically the same rules apply for information. Tumblr, tiktok, tags, creators, find info etc. There are more resources written about ADHD by people with ADHD because no one lets autistics self advocate! I am actually self diagnosed with ADHD so I can't talk you through the diagnosis process. There is still the same stigma surrounding women, nonbinary people, trans men and POC though but it's lessened a bit more then autism.

If you wanna talk to someone who has a diagnosis then @doitforthecarstairs is good (I think they have a diagnosis. Forgive me if I'm remembering wrong)

If you can't figure out whether you have autism or ADHD or both then honestly you are not alone. There is a lot of cross over. Basically the one main difference is hyperfixations vs. Special interest. Focusing on one thing very intensely for like a week then getting bored and moving on is hyperfixating. You might still like the thing afterwords but you arent focusing on it so intensely anymore. This is binge watching a show in like 12 hours, no stopping and no breaks. If you can tear through ten episodes without even flinching, you are probably neurodiverse.

Special interests are long term hyperfixations that can last for years. It's basically a hardcore obsession with something that you love, and all you want to do is talk about that thing and all you ever do is think about that thing. You usually end up with a special interest that matches your personality pretty well.

Sorry I know this is a long post. Hopefully it helps.

[ryanberga]

At some point will you post some sort of transcript/verbatum of what was said for those of us who haven’t listened/can’t listen so we can understand the situation and what exactly was said in what context (no pressure because I know you said you haven’t listened to it either but some of us [me] are confused and only know that bad things were said but not like what and in what context) thank you for this blog wishing you a less stressful day

i went ahead and transcribed the entire last question for you so that you have the full context. this is 10-15 minutes worth of dialogue so apologies that it's so long! i cut out any irrelevant banter/jokes, and i stopped the transcript where i did because that's the end of the bulk of it. i bolded the parts that i (and most people) have taken issue with

Katie: [reading question] "Guys! I'm in a really sticky situation. For context, I live in rural Ireland, and I'm meant to be starting my first year at uni (you'd say college). My problem is that there's a girl in my friend group that I really despise. There's eight of us in total, so it's easy enough to stay clear of her, but moving to uni was meant to be the perfect time to be able to cut all ties. It's safe for us here in Ireland to be meeting outdoors and even indoors, and I had my friends over for camping a while ago. She didn't show, and it was the first time I felt comfortable in my friend group, as well as the fact that my friend group didn't split into two separate groups as it usually would. I want to go camping again with my friends because it would be such fun, but I don't want to invite her but at the same time don't want to be excluding someone. For context, the problem I have with her is that she can be very judgmental to the point of slut-shaming, as well as having homophobic and racist views. I recently had two friends inside the group come out to me, and one (a newer friend) is oblivious to her views, as she has been less outspoken in the recent year. I'm at a loss what to do because I hate confrontation and don't want to start any drama but am frankly uncomfortable with her. Is it mean to exclude her because who knows if we'll get to start uni and make new friends anytime soon?" [end question] Um, so I chose this because uhh... you know, I think it's a very relatable, common thing to have sort of a friend group that coalesces and to value the group a lot but to figure out over time that maybe somebody in it... you know, doesn't share your ideals or values and to sort of not know what to do when that comes up. And sort of bigger than this person's question, I also think that something that's sort of going on right now is that a lot of people are realizing that they have family or friends or people that they're close to in some capacity that maybe are not as woke as they could be and are maybe resistant to having conversations that they should be having or seeing things in a more progressive light, especially with a lot of what's been going on this year. Um, so it's a really tough thing, I think, to have somebody that you're close to have views that you can't support morally and, you know, with this person, it's easier in the sense that it doesn't sound like she's very close to this person, so if she could just cut her out of her life, it sounds like she'd be happy enough. For a lot of people, that is a tougher choice. So I wanted to talk about it because, um... you know, I think it's a really difficult situation to be in, and, you know, I think if it were me, with this particular group of friends, you know, look, I think if you were just disagreeing over, like, you know, liking peanut butter and jelly sandwiches versus peanut butter and fluff sandwiches, I'd just tell you to, like, get over it and, you know, make peace for the sake of the group because, you know, it's a group of friends, and you like everybody else, so whatever. But racist, homophobic views are not something to just, like, kind of ignore and push aside, especially if you've got friends in the group who literally could be really negatively affected by that. Um... you know, and there's a difference, too, if this person made a joke that they weren't aware of the ramifications of that could maybe be explained to them or maybe could sort of help them work through something, or if this person holds sincere, you know, sincerely racist or homophobic views that aren't—that go beyond ignorance that are, you know, rooted in something deeper. Um, and if it's the latter, you know, I would suggest talking to other friends and seeing if they're having similar impressions of this person, and, you know, if that's the case, you know, I do think that it would be worth finding other friends, you know. That's harsh, but you can't allow yourself and your friends to be influenced by somebody who isn't open to recognizing their humanity. [chuckles]

Katie (cont.): Uhh, and that's obviously the biggest and most dramatic, uhh, that that could go. If this person has maybe made an off-color joke or something and is just ignorant of the ramifications of that joke, don't know where it's origins are, don't know where it came from, then maybe try the softer approach first, try sitting with them one-on-one and being like, "Hey, so, you know, we've been friends for a while, and I've noticed that you've said a couple of things, and I just, you know, they've been offensive to me, and they've hurt me, and I just wanted to see what you meant by them," and sort of let them explain themselves, and if they're just like, "Oh, I didn't—it was just a joke!" then sort of talk to them, tell them why it's not just a joke, tell them why it could hurt people and, without outing anyone in your group, tell them that, you know, you maybe know people who might have been hurt by that. Um, and see if they could around because you're, you know, that would be giving them a chance to sort of realize that maybe they were on the other side of things when they didn't realize that they were, and it gives them a chance to have discourse and maybe see things differently. And, if they don't, well, you know... Yeah, you're going to uni, cut ties. Sorry.

Steven: That's a very tough question.

Shane: Are they going to uni with the person?

Katie: Uh, I think she was saying that they're going to uni and that was going to sort of break up the friend group, so she wasn't worried about it?

Shane: Oh. I see.

Katie: But because, um... Because, like, it's being delayed...

Shane: Mhm.

Steven: Yeah. Ohhh, I see.

Katie: She's sort of still hanging out with this group, and she's having a tough time with it.

Steven: Right. And wants to go camping.

Katie: And, yeah, specifically, she's got this last thing, she wants to have another camping trip with this group of friends. She just needs to not invite this person, but obviously that would probably be seen as a bit harsh by everybody. So. I don't know, that's my first blush at it. Do you guys have...?

Shane: Yeah, I mean, I would talk to them. I don't know if it's talking to them with, uh, other friends to make it seem like it's not, you know, a one-on-one thing, but I guess you also don't wanna... I don't know, it's very situational. I would definitely talk to them, and then, you know, try to communicate the weight of things, you know. Some people are very flippant with things. Also, you know, their empathy center kinda involves a little slower than others. Uh, some people are not intentionally malicious when they're younger, they just don't realize uh, you know, the impact of certain things, and, uh, I think people are capable of growing and learning, uh, which is great, especially young people. Um... but uh... you know, at a certain point, it's not your responsibility to... to... [chuckles] uh, force them to grow. Uh, so, I would say have a conversation with them. Try to push them in a direction, and if that's not working then maybe... maybe they have to be comfortable with the fact that you don't want to hang out with them anymore. You know?

Katie: Yeah. I agree.

Shane: That's what I'd say.

Katie: Mhm.

Steven: I mean, but the question really is how does this person do this camping trip or does—do you exclude her? Do you not—because I'm trying to think of the solution for that, and that's where I'm—I mean, frankly, I'm kind of stuck, too because, like you said, Shane, it's very situational. It's hard to really read into this because I have a lot of friends who are a little bit racist and a little homophobic, and I'm still friends with them. And I'm not saying that, uh, I'm still friends with them because of their values, I'm... I.... I just value them as people themselves, and I try to keep them around and try to, you know, educate them with what I can, but it's not something that, um... I don't want to... I don't know, I don't want to cut ties with everybody because of their belief system because I—frankly, I have a different value system from Katie and Shane and Ryan, like, we're—I think a lot of it is on a spectrum, but if this person is outwardly judgmental, it's really hard to say. It's hard for me to, uh, read into this because my initial reaction is to try to be as understanding as possible to this person, and to at least try to have a conversation, like Shane was saying. Um, and it would be mean to exclude her because it would be targeted at her specifically, but, um, the way to get ahead of that is... all you gotta do is be super passive-aggressive and find a camping spot that only allows seven people.

Shane: [laughs]

Katie: [laughs]

Steven: No, no, that's not the answer, that's not the answer! Don't do that! Um—

Shane: You probably wanna have the conversation before the camping trip.

Steven: Yes.

Katie: Yeah!

Shane: Ideally.

Steven: Just talk to the person directly. I think that's the only way to have to do it, and to, like, do it respectfully. Honestly? It's gonna hurt, it's gonna suck, and they may hate you forever, but it seems like you don't really care what they think about you anyway, so, uh, just have the hard conversation, but, when you do, don't come across it as "I am judging you for your judgmentalness." It's more like, "Hey, I want to do this out of, like, you know, because I care about you as a person, even though I don't believe everything you believe. I want you to change, and I want you to grow." And having that posture of patience is better and will come across a lot cleaner and maybe she won't be so defensive about her thoughts. It's a tough one.

[larktb-archive]

Hi! I'm too shy to come off anon, but I need your help understanding something. I hope I'm not bothering you!!

I don't want to interact with anyone who is a fascist, but I'm not entirely sure what makes someone fascist. Can you please explain it to me?

I know I could look it up myself, but I know that not all definitions online can be correct and I just want your perspective;;

Thanks!

Hi anon! Well, fascism comes in many forms so “sussing out who’s a fascist” is technically a little harder to do than having a simple checklist. After all, doesn’t a White Supremacist have different beliefs to a Japanese fascist? And doesn’t a Japanese fascist have different beliefs to a Wahabist? These beliefs clash don’t they? Well, yes and no. Sure the surface level beliefs are different but the underlying core beliefs of these groups are actually quite similar; it’s the specifics which are different. Even though it isn’t a “bible” on what is fascism and shouldn’t be taken as gospel, Umberto Eco has an essay called “Ur-Fascism” which contains 14 points, which can help us identify whether certain beliefs are fascist no matter the specifics of their belief system. I’ll explain the points in short and give some examples. Quick disclaimer, I am not an expert on fascism or any of the ideologies I’ll discuss by any means so if you aren’t taking Umberto Eco’s writing as the 100% correct truth, definitely don’t take mine as that either (this is how you should treat most sources tho):

1. Cult of Tradition and 2. Rejection of modernity

I put these two together because they’re kind of inseparable. This is basically the idea that there was a “glorious past” that people need to return to and modernity is a corruption of that “glorious past”. In British fascist thought, this past is generally the 19th century at the zenith of the British Empire or mid-20th century Britain. The latter is more common for people who wish to be a little more PC with their writings; instead of trying to use a by-gone era that pretty much no one alive can remember, they use a much more recent time with nostalgic ideas of “the good old days” which doesn’t seem threatening on it’s surface but is dogwhistling for a time when there weren’t as many immigrants in the country.

You may have seen the “reject modernity, embrace tradition” meme and it’s pretty much the most obvious incarnation of this idea. Similarly you may seen people online use “degenerate” as an insult. If you look at the meaning of the degenerate it means “having lost the physical, mental, or moral qualities considered normal and desirable; showing evidence of decline”; it’s microcosm of these ideas put into a single insult. This is why you tend to see conservatives use it more than progressives.

I’d also argue that terfs obsession with 2nd wave feminism and their utter rejection of intersectionality and modern feminism is another manifestation of this idea. 

3. Action for actions sake

This is less detectable in terms of individuals but still important to note that these people tend to support action without a cause. Sure the insurrection at the white house earlier this year was action, but it had no substance behind it. It was action for actions sake, which is why any principled leftist didn’t support it. Fascists will tend to openly just call for action but won’t be very specific about the purposes of the action; as long as they agree with the ideology behind it they’ll support it. It’s why fascists love harassment campaigns and mindless acts of terror. Take Wahabist terrorist orgs like Al-Qaeda or ISIS, it doesn’t matter if bombing an Ariana Grande concert has no point, the only point is the action itself.

4. Disagreement is treason  

This one’s pretty self explanatory, they will ostracize you if you disagree with them. Again, terfs tend to do this, and I had a long conversation with an ex-terf I called a dumbass, who basically said that she was ostracized by them and mocked for having different beliefs (hope she’s doing well actually). There’s numerous stories from ex-terfs like this.

5. Fear of difference

There’s a tendency for fascists to group people into “us” and “them”. “They” are considered to be intruders who need to be removed whereas “we” are the people who deserve to be here because it is “our” right to be here. In Zulu Nationalism, this tends to be any non-Zulu speakers who they deem to be “Shangaan” even if they aren’t actually Tsonga, it’s just a pejorative at this point. If you see vague references to the “elite” without any reference to who they are and what makes them “elite”, this is tends to be a dogwhistle for Jewish people. Western Fascists have very little issue with the workings of capitalism itself or the accumulation of wealth by capitalists, they just don’t like “them”, taking “our” stuff. Any references to “us” and “them” is pretty much a red flag.

6. Appeal to Social Frustration

Fascists will tend to brush upon actual issues faced by the poor today but will instead blame it on an outside force. You’ll see job loss being blamed on immigrants or vague “elites”. Terfs do this too. They’ll see young girls who are genuinely struggling with patriarchal issues and divert all that pent up rage towards trans people and the “q*eers” (which they do tend to use as a slur unlike what most people would have you think). 

7. Obsession with a Plot

Everything is a conspiracy! The election was rigged! 9/11 was fake! that fucking pizza place/this furniture company is a sex ring! All of these are supposedly plots by the deep state who are trying to do... something or other. You’ll notice these “Plots” don’t actually have a purpose, but the fact that there is a plot itself is the issue. This is a way of engendering paranoia in the group while also feeling that there is a constant war against you even if there isn’t. This is also why, despite news sources being pro-capitalist the right will swear up and down it’s leftist media which is controlled by “them” (usually just meaning Jewish people).

8. The enemy is both strong and weak

“Trans people have infiltrated academia and the only reason people refuse to see gender as an immutable biological concept, is because they’re too afraid of the trans cabal to say anything. But also everyone can tell trans people are crazy and haha you have a high suicide rate.” It’s contradictory that’s the point. They need to feel that they’re both counterculture but also they need to be winning at all times so that contradiction is necessary. Also the use of the word “cabal” is a pretty big red flag for all forms of fascism.

9. Pacifism is trafficking with the enemy, 10. Contempt for the weak, 11. Everybody is educated to become a hero and 12. Machismo and weaponry

All of these are kind of interrelated so I’m grouping them together (also this is already fucking long as hell so I don’t wanna bore you any further). You’ll tend to see a love for the military or at least military aesthetics when looking through fascist blogs. Guns aren’t just a tool for fascists, they’re representative of masculinity and the necessity of violence. Pacifists and anyone who refuses to fight are weak and therefore are “degenerate”. If you do not fight, if you are not willing to fight, you cannot be a “hero” (an ubermensch or a matyr). This comes with the fetishization of violence instead of the recognition of violence being an means to an end, and the worship of individuals rather than of communities and organizations. Take Japanese fascists and their lionisation of the imperial military and their desire to once again have an actual army.

Terfs don’t necessarily fit these roles except for arguably 10 considering how much they seem to look down upon the mentally ill and those who commit suicide and surprisingly 11 since that involves the hatred of non-standard sexual activities and terfs hate non-standard sex (this is from the most vanilla bitch who is very uncomfortable with kink but understands its not inherently good or bad). I have a feeling this is more so because terfs are mainly women (there are male terfs ofc) whereas this was written for male led organizations. 

13. Selective populism

When fascists talk about “the people” they tend to mean “the people we like”. “The working class” can be translated to “this cishet white christian man from Minnesota who owns land but hey he lives in a rural area so he’s working class right?”. They’ll also tend to have “tokens” who will suddenly become the mouth piece of the entire community they’re supposedly representing even if no one in the community asked them to (i.e. Milo Yiannopoulos). 

14. Ur fascism speaks Newspeak

They speak in terms which are both inaccessible to anyone outside of their circles whilst being so simple that once you learn them it becomes easy to understand. They abhor any form of “academic” speech so you’ll rarely see them source things (unless those things happen to agree with their views, which is rare but Jordan Peterson is popular for a reason) and if they do source things they probably wouldn’t have read them fully and will rely on you also not reading them. This is to limit any critical thinking so that your brain is basically jellified into an unquestioning organ which only responds “yes” or “no” and only appeals to a higher authority without any form of reasoning involved. This is why they complain about “the lefts memes being too wordy”... because they’re used to not having to read (this is somewhat tongue in cheek but heyho if the boot fits).

And that’s the 14 main features of fascism, if anyone is displaying multiple of these ideas then they are most likely fascist, and if an organization or group continuously replicates these ideas, then they are definitely fascist. I hope this wasn’t too long but like I said... very complex topic. (Also hopefully this is written well, it’s 10 PM and I am surviving off Irn Bru energy drink). Hope this helped!

[nyadversary]

asking since your harry potter post was really interesting and made me wonder - are there any magic systems you really like or think are well-constructed and consistent? what are the traits of a good magic system?

oh i definitely don’t feel qualified to make any broad statements about what makes a magic system Good, it depends so heavily on what kind of story you’re trying to tell. i do want to say more about why i think the magic system in HP is ultimately bad though, and i have at least one example of a system i like to compare it with. under cut

very very early on in the HP series — i’m talking about the first few chapters of book 1 — we get the impression that magical ability does symbolize something? like think about how the series opens. the first chapter of the first book follows vernon dursley, a man who lives an extremely mundane life, likes it that way, and is highly perturbed by anything unusual happening or by anyone who seems out of the ordinary. he’s, what, CEO of a drill company or something? some comically boring but well-paying job. petunia is a housewife who passes the time spying on the neighbors. their infant son is already being spoiled and treated more like a prized possession than a human being. and these people hate anything they think is weird, which of course includes anything to do with magic. the dursleys know for a fact magic is real and it pisses them off and they hate it. 

when harry is left at their doorstep, mcgonagall protests and says the dursleys could not possibly have less in common with magical people like them. either she or hagrid says something to the effect that the dursleys are the biggest muggles around, which stuck with me because it implies that magical ability lies on a spectrum and the dursleys, who are outright opposed to anything the slightest bit unusual, are the furthest from magical anybody can be. this implies all sorts of things about what magic could represent for the series going forward — creativity, rejection of social norms, etc. — and, since these people are harry’s only living blood relatives but he winds up finding community for the first time once meeting other witches and wizards, it appears to be setting up a found family theme. which all sounds perfectly good, and people will still cite this as being a theme of the books. the main problem with that is it isn’t the intended theme going forward at all. 

JKR’s weird obsession with blood lineage honestly needs to be unpacked in a whole other post and i don’t think i’m the guy to do it but... obviously as the series goes on, the importance of blood family gets underlined again and again. it turns out harry is being protected by some sort of sacred maternal blood magic (which is never explained) and this is why he has to live with the dursleys, people he hates and has nothing in common with. the fact that they’re his blood relatives trumps anything else. magical ability generally is passed down within families, and in the later books much time is spent going over various magical lineages (voldemort’s family, dumbledore’s family, sirius’ family, the malfoy family, the hogwarts founders and their descendants, etc...). any notions of magic symbolizing creativity is undermined by the lack of actual creativity in how the magic is presented going forward (like i said in the other post, it winds up serving mainly utilitarian functions in the story) and as for rejecting the status quo, the series embraces the status quo. the happy ending the characters work 7 books to achieve just has everything “returning to normal” — voldemort is killed and the remaining death eaters dealt with, the ministry gets a new PM, hogwarts gets a new headmaster, and things continue on as they were before. issues of systemic injustice are left unaddressed, the subplots about magical beings fighting for full personhood status (centaurs, merpeople, house elves, etc) are left unresolved, slytherin house is allowed to continue on as an institution and presumably many wizards are still just as bigoted towards muggle-borns as they always were, and — oh yeah — the idea that muggles are innately inferior somehow? never explained or addressed. the takeway is just that if you can’t do magic, you suck. it’s so disappointing. all the pieces are there for a way better story (hey guys i think there might be some systemic problems with your magic school and your magic government do you wanna try fixing that maybe?) but JKR was never gonna write that story because it’s one she doesn’t believe in.

to summarize how magic works in harry potter just so i can really make it clear how boring it is:

magic ability is innate and the vast majority of people lack it. with relatively few exceptions, the ability runs in families — it’s rare for someone without magical ancestry to have the ability and it’s also rare for someone with magical ancestry to not have the ability

with only a few exceptions, all wizards are able to learn all spells. some wizards are stated to be unusually powerful but how much of this is due to raw magical potential and how much comes down to other factors like education, general intelligence and ability/willingness to learn, desire to cause harm in the case of the unforgivables, etc is unclear. some magical abilities, like being able to speak parseltongue or being a metamorphmagus (or whatever the fuck shapeshifters are called in this series) or being a seer, are innate and can’t be learned by most wizards. like magic itself, whether or not you have any extra ability seems to be genetic (these are all traits we know run in families)

in order to perform magic, devices like wands, cauldrons, etc are used as instruments or vessels to direct the user’s innate powers. there is no summoning, channeling, or ritual use involved and spells typically only go wrong if the wizard in question is inexperienced or something is wrong with their wand. with very few exceptions (the main one i can think of is divination, which is handled very ambiguously and most of what trelawney teaches is implied to be complete crap), magic works in very predictable and straightforward ways

so it all boils down to “you’re either a wizard or you aren’t, and you almost certainly aren’t unless you come from a magic family, but if you are — good news! you have basically the same abilities as any other wizard. don’t worry there’s nothing even vaguely pagan involved.”

which, like. how utterly dull. there are so many other ways one can approach these issues and nearly all of them that i can think of / have seen done are more interesting than this:

you could have a magic system where magical ability is much more specialized. instead of all magic users being all capable of more or less the same stuff, let’s say person A, B, and C are all magic users but each has a unique magical ability (say A can fly, B can talk to animals, C can become invisible) and, while they might be able to develop their individual talents and become stronger, they can’t learn each other’s skills. charlie bone, which is a crap series overall but which i do think has a more interesting magic system, falls into this category, as does a lot of superhero stuff although it’s generally not called “magic” in those stories.

another, similar, approach would be to have more specialized branches of magic that characters train under — say pyromancy, necromancy, etc. — and so, while it might be possible for a water mage to learn a fire spell or two, characters have much more individualized skillsets. RPG magic tends to be this, obviously. harry potter kind of vaguely gestures in the direction of this trope in that the professors obviously specialize in their particular subjects, but it’s not as if snape doesn’t know charms or whatever — it doesn’t amount to much of anything in practice as all the adult characters are capable of performing a diverse range of spells.

how does one wind up with the ability to do magic in the first place? is it innate, and, if so, is it random or does it run in families? is it associated with any other traits? are there drawbacks to being a magic user? can non-magical people acquire the ability to do magic through some other means, and, if so, does this represent an irreversible change? are magic users really “human” or are they something more? are non-magic users lesser? is there any loss of humanity associated with magical ability? do magic users channel their own innate power or are they channeling something else — if so, is it a godlike entity, demonic, or does it defy moral classification? is there “good” magic and “bad” magic, and, if so, is the delineation clear? if these are different branches of magic, are they wholly distinct in how they work or is there overlap? etc, etc, etc.

ultimately i don’t think anyone should be worried about finding the most unique combination of these tropes, because they’ve literally all been done 10 billion times — if i started off listing popular examples of how these tropes are handled in other media pandemic will have ended before i’m done. what’s important is how writers choose to handle these questions when telling their story. like, what does magic mean to the characters? what does their use of magic say about them? what does magic symbolize? etc... these are opportunities for the story to have Themes and Meaning and impart something to its audience! tbh i think it really says something that the magic in harry potter is so ultimately unimportant to the story that people didn’t bother asking the usual questions about what magic itself / the magic system might symbolize... if you look at what rowling might actually be trying to say with any of that, well, it’s not good.

i guess to end off with an example i like. in the bartimaeus trilogy, which is an extremely good YA series and i highly recommend, magic ability isn’t innate at all. magic in this universe is all done via summoning “demons” (energy beings from another plane of existence basically) and binding them to one’s will, which as you might expect is very dangerous if you fuck it up and summoning is on such extreme levels of academic bullshit that you basically have to study your entire life to do it safely (learning dead languages, being able to draw elaborate pentacles with perfect accuracy, etc etc). in practice, this means magic is something only the ruling class does / can afford to do. anyone in any significant position of power is a wizard, while everyone else — the “commoners” — is a second-class citizen under the thumb of what are essentially superpowered politicians. while the fact that magic exists isn’t a secret, the majority of commoners have no idea how it actually works, that it’s really just summoning and anyone can learn it. they’re being encouraged to think of wizards as innately superior/gifted and to defer to them as their betters. yknow, Or Else. there’s much more i could say about this but it’d wind up being its own post and i’d probably have to just break down the entire plot of the trilogy, but i think from what i’ve said you get a sense of the themes / commentary here. 

this has run long but point being, magic systems Can be used to say something about the story and the characters and to make some sort of thematic point or provide social commentary perhaps, and i think it’s cool when they do. harry potter tries its best to avoid having the magic mean anything and when you do try and analyze what it means, you just get a story about how some people are just way better and cooler than others because of. uh. their blood. so rather than further unpacking that suitcase i say you could just throw it away and, as they say, read another book

[cecaeliana]

@gotnerved​  𝙳𝙰𝚁𝙴   :   𝚐𝚘 𝚝𝚘 𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚏𝚞𝚕𝚕 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚊𝚙𝚢 𝚜𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚘𝚗. 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚍𝚘 𝚒𝚝 𝚜𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚘𝚞𝚜𝚕𝚢 ,  𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚘𝚙𝚎𝚗 𝚞𝚙 𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚊𝚝 𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚝 𝚘𝚗𝚎 (𝟷) 𝚝𝚛𝚊𝚞𝚖𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚌 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗𝚝.  

it starts simple.

“take a seat.”

“no, thanks, I’m good right here.”

it gets harder.

“why are you here?”

“I don’t wanna be.”

“then why are you?”

why? because of a stupid dare in a stupid game that she doesn’t want to carry on playing but she’s in too deep to back out- and her saviour complex won’t let her. she’s not allowed to say that. so she’ll have to spin a little white lie.

“i owe it to someone,” she says.  

she doesn’t like the knowing look she gets. it makes her want to kick the expensive looking desk over. she doesn’t say that.

“they must be important.”

that’s not technically true. or it shouldn’t be. the opinions of the people watching her shouldn’t be important to her at all. and she’d like to say they’re not. but she’s also a sucker for a popularity contest.

she wonders if the people who are important would want her to do this, talk about her feelings with a stranger and seek some kind of release. maybe they would. gods know she’s fucked up.

she’s been silent for too long, she knows, when they speak again.

“is there something in particular that you wanted to talk to me about?”

she knows they have to ask and she knows that the dare demands that she talk about something, but she doesn’t know where to start. she never has.

“it’s just been kind of a bad week,” she says, tongue pressing hard against the back of her teeth. “but it’s fine, it’ll be fine. i’ve got other stuff to do.”

“you have a busy schedule?”

“you could say that again. but here we are, talking about nothing instead of me being out there doing something useful.”

“is that necessary? feeling useful?”

“sure, no-one ever got remembered for doin’ nothing.”

“you want to be remembered?”

“i want to make a difference. there’s a difference.”

“is there?”

she doesn’t like the implication. it sits heavy in her chest. like an anchor.

“there’s a difference in how you get remembered. you can either do somethin’ good, leave somethin’ behind that people need or want, somethin’ they’re gonna want to keep, or you can be remembered as a monster, a villain. i’d prefer the former. but maybe that’s just me.”

there’s a quiet moment where something is written down and she hates that too.

“and are you? doing something good?” they ask. which she can add to the list of things bothering her. good is such an arbitrary word.

“yeah. or haven’t you heard? I’m turnin’ a garbage dump human rights violation into a place people might want to live. i’m giving everyone a second chance. which is more than i could say for some people. like beast.”

“you’re trying to bring down the system?”

“i’m tryin’ to fix the system! i’m tryin’ to fix the world he broke. to save all those kids he left to rot.”

“do you feel like he did that to you?”

she scoffs sharply. “not on purpose, he just didn’t care at all about the hundreds of starving, beaten, freezing kids he was leaving behind when he chose not to look twice at the isle. but, yeah, i was one of them.”

“what was that like?”

“fighting for scraps? eating food that had already been in other people’s garbage cans? having to carry a weapon with you so you don’t get killed just walking to school? oh, it was great. i really enjoyed days where i had to jam a knife into kids barely older than me just to get ‘em to stop harassing me. throwing things at me. calling me names. pulling my hair. and now, just to add insult to injury, i’m working to make things better for them. for people who have spent years hating me just ‘cause someone else said it was the cool thing to do. and here i am now, trying to give them basic necessities like food and clothes and homes with running water and rooves that don’t leak, like an education and skills they can use in getting jobs. and trying to create jobs. farmland. basic amenities.”

“on your own?”

“always.” it’s a reflex more than anything, but she pauses, and she backtracks. “no, not on my own. there’s a lot of people looking to back me up and help me out. to take some of the strain or whatever. they’re practically queuing up to help.”

“but?”

“but, i don’t want them messing up my system.”

“that doesn’t sound like there’s a lot of trust, there.”

“hey, that’s not fair. I trust them- most of them- with my life. this isn’t a trust exercise, it’s—something else. this is my job.”

“and if they took that away from you, you wouldn’t have anything left? you wouldn’t feel…useful?”

“that is a gross misinterpretation of my words.”

“i’m just trying to understand. why don’t you want the help? it sounds like too much work for one person, but you’ve admitted that you don’t want to share it out.”

“i don’t.”

“why?”

because being queen of the isle means everything to her. because it’s her identity. for so long she’s done her hardest to make a name for herself, one that isn’t the Bad Name. because she doesn’t want to see anyone else struggle under the weight of obligation. because she enjoys it. because she needs to be in control. because she feels like no-one else is capable. because she wants to be useful.

all her life she’s struggled to be useful, to be seen, to be heard, to be remembered. she’d been forgotten by her mother, betrayed and forgotten by her only friend. and no matter how hard she worked or how much she tried, it was never good enough.

but this, this can and will be good enough. not for her ma, who cares what that old bat thinks? but for everyone. the world will see that she’s earned her place in auradon. she’s earned her title. and that she’s finally, finally good enough.

“because other people will get it wrong, weren’t you listening?”

she’s waited too long.

“you must feel like you’ve got a pretty solid plan, to be so confident in it.”

“yeah, i do. i know what i’m doing.”

“it seems like you do.”

“woah, hold up, that’s a weird way to phrase that. it seems like i do? what is that supposed to mean? i do know what i’m doing.”

she has worked too hard on this to be thrown at the last hurdle by someone in a flashy office being paid way too much money to analyse what’s going on inside her head. she’s suddenly not even sure that she wants that analysis. in fact, she knows she doesn’t.

“i didn’t say you didn’t. i was saying that from this short time you seem like a capable young woman with her whole life ahead of her. but i would like to see you again, if you are comfortable with the idea.”

“yeah, i’ll let you know.”

there was no way she was coming back here again. was there?  

“alright, and in the mean-time, work on trusting those close to you. when they offer to help you, try taking it. just something small. say yes. alright?”  

[flickityfics]

Chapter 11 Attacked

A/N:Trigger warning: sexual assault, violence

______________________________________

Sokka woke up feeling relaxed and ready for the day. He'd like to just enjoy the day and sleep in but also wanted to visit Zuko before work. Since it was still early he sat down with his breakfast and got out his letters to read.

"We're glad to hear you're getting along with everyone and staying busy. We miss you Sokka, it sucks that you'll be working longer but we can't wait to see you when we can. Toph says she'd like to know about how your training is going while Aang misses goofing off and making jokes with you. And I miss my big brother as hard as that is for you to believe. I love that you're finally understanding women more, that's a big step for you to acknowledge and you better keep that up, hah. I hope you're taking care of yourself to. Love from all us."

                                   -thegaang

______________________________________

"Hiya Sokka! You better be careful, sometimes they're dangerous people who go to far messing with women. I know first hand how mean girls can be but hey can't make everyone like you so you minding your own business is just fine. I'm doing good on my side just bit of the same old same old maybe a trip to see you is just what I need to cure my bit of boredom. Definitely look into spirits, I really think that's the answer to your mess. Oh, the second letter I enclosed along with this one is of the anatomy diagram you asked for. I hope it helps! Let me know in your next letter. Best of luck to ya."

                                        -Suki

Sokka gave the diagram a quick scan, he's definitely gonna take a better look and write down notes maybe even take up Zuko's advice and write a book to start educating people.

______________________________________

Sokka was glad to have kidnapped Zuko on his day off. They were both at the library together with each their own books, he liked watching how serious the fire prince looked reading.

"Pssst, Lee. Could you teach me more about the fire nation?" Sokka knew they had to be quiet since Zuko was quite paranoid but he genuinely wanted to get to know the other teen better, it probably wasn't the most ideal place for this conversation but there isn't really ever a right time or place when he wanted to talk seriously.

"Why do you wanna know?" Zuko furrowed his brows not getting why Miyuki brought up the fire nation out of the blue.

"We'll, I've never been to the fire nation so I'm curious but we don't have to talk about anything that makes you uncomfortable just.. tell me about food places you like or the festivals you celebrate from back home."

"Okay, let me just find a book real quickly." Sokka watched as Zuko scanned the library until he found a book and walked back towards their table. Zuko was turning pages when he turned the book around and pushed it towards him. He then went on tell him about the fire nations story, how the school system was setup, the locations of various markets to try out, what festivals they had and represent and what foods they served at said festivals. Sokka took in all the information enthusiastically, he also likes seeing a happy Zuko explain all the things he loved about his home and when his uncle would sneak a young Zuko out to have fun.

"It was my favorite sport that uncle got me in- hey are you listening?" Zuko asked nervously not sure if he lost Miyuki at some point and didn't notice.

Sokka loved the blush that crept on zuko's cheeks, "heh no, I just liked seeing you talking about something that puts a smile on your face." And he wasn't lying, this was a whole new part of Zuko expressing himself and there was so much to him that he wanted to know them all.

"Oh, I was worried I bored you there. Maybe I'll tell you more another time since you gotta head to work now."

"Would like that a lot, hey you wanna walk me to work?" Questioned Sokka.

"Sure." Zuko agreed.

"Let me just grab a book then we can head out." He scanned the rows until he found one called, 'Spirits and their Legends' it seemed pretty helpful.

The two walked out the library passing the lively streets of the city. They watched on as kids played around, an older couple fighting, and shoppers haggling with vendors. The silence was comfortable between them and Sokka had a strange urge to get even closer to Zuko's side.

"So, tell me more about yourself to." Zuko likes that Miyuki asks about himself be he'd also like to know more about her to.

"Mmm, well I learned how to fish at a young age. I sadly grew up to fast, hah in some ways anyway. I mean I had to grow up fast when my mom had died and my father left for the war so I just had my grandma whose quite fragile so I kinda had to teach myself things early on and I never asked anyone for help so it was especially harder." Sokka felt bad to omit quite a bit but he knew his current situation was tough to work around. "I did have fun though, goofed around and lazed about often. I had so many adventures traveling here even if it was by sad means, being driven from my home but I guess you gotta keep strong and find the happy moments or even create them." He looked to Zuko, he never talked like this, not to anyone.

"How were your adventures?" Zuko asked curiously.

"Fun, crazy, dangerous, beautiful and new, it was full of so many things. I want to keep traveling and just pack everything I can learn and see into my head. I got to meet so many people, I keep a journal of everything and everyone I came across, there's so many creatures I wrote about even. Sorry, rambling again. " He apologized.

"I like when you talk like that, it's nice seeing you get so excited and going on tangents or rambles." Zuko grinned down at Miyuki genuinely enjoying everything she had to say.

Sokka slowed down nearing his job and turned to Zuko, "Thanks for walking me and letting me talk your ear off."

"I like our talks especially when you do most of it since I don't talk much. I never really know what to talk about." He admitted.

"That's okay, I get it. Also did you want to try watching the play that starts in two weeks? I forgot what it's about but I heard it's got lots of action."

"Yeah, I heard it's going to be in town for a week, I'll even let uncle know if he doesn't already."

"Great. Alright, I'll get going now. See you tomorrow for training?"

"Come by around one and I'll also teach you more about maps." Zuko waved Miyuki off as he waited until she got through the door into her job safely before heading home himself.

______________________________________

Sokka couldn't believe how rude the parents were when they finally got back home. They could have at least told him earlier that they'd be so late, he would've charged them more while at it. Watching five kids on his own was miserable, he had to react to each one differently he swore he had an identity crisis. And now he was miserably walking in the dead of night and it was so quiet, it was the creepy kind of quiet where it was to dark and to silent. He was walking when he heard fast footsteps, he didn't have time to react when a figure passed him and snatched his bag running off with it.

He quickly found the guy turning into an alley and caught up enough to push him down grabbing his bag back. Before he could yell at the person on the ground he was grabbed from behind and arms trapped tightly into his sides.

"What a nice catch you got us Kota. The boss will definitely be pleased with us and give us tons of yuan for her."

Sokka did not have a good feeling about this situation. He noticed there was only three guys, the one in front that had already gotten up, one on his right and the other who had a hold of him. The one holding him seemed like the guy running things and guessing by his words he had to get out this fast. He hadn't been trained on fighting multiple fighters so this was gonna be tricky. Being limited on time he hoped his planned work fast enough for him to get away.

He stepped on the bigger one holding him and took advantage of being released to push the one on his left into the brick wall and running up the wall himself gripping the corner edge. Before he could pull himself over he felt his ankle being grabbed and the pain of his cheek hitting the concrete edge then falling hard to the floor knocking the air out of him. Before he recovered he felt a punch to his face and one of the men holding him down as he felt another pair of hands holding his legs. All he could do was shake violently and before he could scream he felt hands pressing over his mouth painfully.

"I love when they struggle. I don't think the people we'll be selling you to will mind if I try the goods first, they'll be getting plenty of use from you anyways. At least this way I won't have to pay myself." The disgusting man above him said.

Sokka could only scream in his head for anyone to save him. He felt tears leaking from his eyes as he felt a hand grope his chest and the other sliding up the dress he wore pulling on his underwear. He tried to struggle hard out the men's hold but it was proving fruitless, he was going to be violated. He strained his voice to spill from the man's hands but they were only muffled, all he could hear was their breathing and the rustling of clothes. No one was gonna come by this late or head into a suspicious alley with only a few conspicuous sounds. All he could do was stare up into the night sky as he tried to will his mind away from what was going on when a fast shadow came down fast towards him. It all happened so fast, seeing the butt of a sword hit the temple of the man on top of him and a spray of blood hitting his face and neck when he took notice of the masked man slashing a cut across the one who held his mouth shut. The one at his legs reacted slowly getting flames to the face and screaming his head off before being punched and knocked out. Sokka watched in stunned silence as the masked figure tied up his attackers.

He felt no danger from the man offering his hand, he was going to take it when he noticed his underwear around his ankles. He shut his eyes shamefully pulling them up before looking at the figure above him. He slowly took the hand noting no ill intent.

"Let me take you home." The blue masked figure offered.

Sokka shook his head vigorously in, "no, no please t-take me to the Jasmine Dragon's tea shop, i-its closer anyways."

Zuko who was behind the mask knew that wasn't true but would follow Miyuki's wishes. Zuko wanted to do nothing more than to kill these men now but he needed to keep them for information so he could go after the trafficking ring he discovered few months back.

The two made their walk silently  before stopping in front of the tea shops door.

Sokka faced the other man and thanked him, he watched as the other nodded in return and waited until the masked man jumped onto the roof before furiously knocking on the door, he didn't noticed how his knuckles had bled from his frantic knocking.

Iroh opened the door shocked at what he saw and saddened when he took in the appearance of Zuko's friend.

"Can I come in?" Sokka asked in a small cracked voice, his composure breaking.

"Yes." Iroh moved to the side as he watched Miyuki head upstairs, "his room is the first door to the left." He saw her nod hearing him. All he could do was worry until he got answers from Zuko later.

Sokka found himself opening Zuko's door and once inside with his back against the door did he finally break down. He was shaking and breathing so hard to keep from screaming, he couldn't scream like this not when neighbors were nearby or Zuko's uncle next door but it's all he wanted to do right at this moment. Next thing he knew he was wrapped up in arms, he knew this scent. He gripped onto Zuko tight and muffled his cries into Zuko's neck, he couldn't even think straight that he bit between the fire prince's neck and shoulder as he screamed and cried hard digging his nails into Zuko's back.

Zuko rocked Miyuki in his arms, he didn't care about the little pain she dealt him he knew her pain was a lot worse and he'd rather her hurt him than herself. When he heard Miyuki's cries stop did he move her to get a better look. She looked so out of it, he noticed the blood and torn clothes.

"Let me get you a cloth and some clothes." He went to get up when he felt her hand holding his arm, he sensed that she didn't want him to leave. "Let's go to the bathroom and I'll clean you up there." They went into the bathroom where he cleaned her face, neck and knuckles from the blood that splattered when he slashed one of the men. He wished he could take away the violent scene he caused her and just her whole experience entirely.

Going back to his room, he rummaged through his shelves for clothes and passing them to her as he turned around giving her privacy.

"Can you burn these later?" Zuko turned as she spoke and could only clench his fists in anger not knowing what more he could do for her.

"Of course." But whatever it is he could offer he will.

"I'm tired Zuko, I'd like to go to bed." He reached Zuko's hand and Zuko followed her lead. Zuko could only cry silently himself as he heard Miyuki's own cries and shaking body as he held her. He never felt so powerless as this. He held her until they both fell asleep.

[dajokahhh]

Alright, time for some pretentious sociological-esque rambling. This is gonna be long as hell (its 1822 words to be specific) and I don’t begrudge anyone for not having the patience to read my over-thought perspectives on a murder clown. CWs for: child abuse, 

I think a lot of things have to go wrong in someone’s life for them to decide to become a clown themed supervillain. A lot of people in Gotham have issues but they don’t become the Joker. I think that as a writer it’s an interesting topic to explore, and this is especially true for roleplaying where a character might be in different scenarios or universes. This isn’t some peer reviewed or researched essay, it’s more my own personal beliefs and perspectives as they affect my writing. I think villains, generally, reflect societal understandings or fears about the world around us. This is obviously going to mean villains shift a lot over time and the perspective of the writer. In my case, I’m a queer, fat, mentally ill (cluster B personality disorder specifically) woman-thing who holds some pretty socialist ideas and political perspectives. My educational background is in history and legal studies. This definitely impacts how I write this character, how I see crime and violence, and how my particular villains reflect my understandings of the society I live in. I want to get this stuff out of the way now so that my particular take on what a potential origin story of a version of the Joker could be makes more sense.

Additionally, these backstory factors I want to discuss aren’t meant to excuse someone’s behaviour, especially not the fucking Joker’s of all people. It’s merely meant to explain how a person (because as far as we know that’s all he is) could get to that point in a way that doesn’t blame only one factor or chalk it up to “this is just an evil person.” I don’t find that particularly compelling as a writer or an audience member, so I write villains differently. I also don’t find it to be particularly true in real life either. If you like that style of writing or see the Joker or other fictional villains in this way, that’s fine. I’m not here to convince anyone they’re wrong, especially not when it comes to people’s perspectives on the nature of evil or anything that lofty. Nobody has to agree with me, or even like my headcanons; they’re just here to express the very specific position I’m writing from. 

The first thing I wanna do is set up some terms. These aren’t academic or anything, but I want to use specific and consistent phrasing for this post. When it comes to the factors that screw up someone’s life significantly (and in some instances push people towards crime), I’ll split them into micro and macro factors. Micro factors are interpersonal and personal issues, so things like personality traits, personal beliefs, mental health, family history, where and how someone is raised, and individual relationships with the people around them. Macro factors are sociological and deal with systems of oppression, cultural or social trends/norms, political and legal restrictions and/or discrimination, etc. These two groups of factors interact, sometimes in a fashion that is causative and sometimes not, but they aren’t entirely separate and the line between what is a micro vs macro issue isn’t always fixed or clear.

We’ll start in and work out. For this character, the micro factors are what determine the specifics of his actions, demeanor, and aesthetic. I think the main reason he’s the Joker and not just some guy with a whole lot of issues is his world view combined with his personality. He has a very pessimistic worldview, one that is steeped in a very toxic form of individualism, cynicism, and misanthropy. His life experience tells him the world is a cold place where everyone is on their own. To him the world is not a moral place. He doesn’t think people in general have much value. He learned at a young age that his life had no value to others, and he has internalized that view and extrapolated it to the world at large; if his life didn’t matter and doesn’t matter, why would anyone else’s? This worldview, in the case of my specific Joker, comes from a childhood rife with abandonment, abuse, and marginalization. While I will say he is definitively queer (in terms fo gender expression and non conformity, and sexuality), I’m not terribly interested in giving specific diagnoses of any mental health issues. Those will be discussed more broadly and in terms of specific symptoms with relation to how they affect the Joker’s internal experience, and externalized behaviours.

His childhood was, to say the least, pretty fucked up. The details I do have for him are that he was surrendered at birth because his parents, for some reason, did not want to care for him or could not care for him; which it was, he isn’t sure. He grew up effectively orphaned, and ended up in the foster care system. He wasn’t very “adoptable”; he had behavioural issues, mostly violent behaviours towards authority figures and other children. He never exactly grew out of these either, and the older he got the harder it was to actually be adopted. His legal name was Baby Boy Doe for a number of years, but the name he would identify the most with is Jack. Eventually he took on the surname of one of his more stable foster families, becoming Jack Napier as far as the government was concerned. By the time he had that stability in his mid to late teens, however, most of the damage had already been done. In his younger years he was passed between foster families and government agencies, always a ward of the government, something that would follow him to his time in Arkham and Gotham’s city jails. Some of his foster families were decent, others were just okay, but some were physically and psychologically abusive. This abuse is part of what defines his worldview and causes him to see the world as inherently hostile and unjust. It also became one of the things that taught him that violence is how you solve problems, particularly when emotions run high. 

This was definitely a problem at school too; moving around a lot meant going to a lot of different schools. Always being the new student made him a target, and being poor, exhibiting increasingly apparent signs of some sort of mental illness or disorder, and being typically suspected as queer (even moreso as he got into high school) typically did more harm than good for him. He never got to stay anywhere long enough to form deep relationships, and even in the places where he did have more time to do that he often ended up isolated from his peers. He was often bullied, sometimes just verbally but often physically which got worse as he got older and was more easily read as queer. This is part of why he’s so good at combat and used to taking hits; he’s been doing it since he was a kid, and got a hell of a lot of practice at school. He would tend to group up with other kids like him, other outcasts or social rejects, which in some ways meant being around some pretty negative influences in terms of peers. A lot of his acquaintances were fine, but some were more... rebellious and ended up introducing Jack to things like drinking, smoking cigarettes, using recreational drugs, and most important to his backstory, to petty crimes like theft and vandalism, sometimes even physical fights. This is another micro factor in that maybe if he had different friends, or a different school experience individually, he might have avoided getting involved in criminal activities annd may have been able to avoid taking up the mantle of The Joker.

Then there’s how his adult life has reinforced these experiences and beliefs. Being institutionalized, dealing with police and jails, and losing what little support he had as a minor and foster child just reinforced his worldview and told him that being The Joker was the right thing to do, that he was correct in his actions and perspectives. Becoming The Joker was his birthday present to himself at age 18, how he ushered himself into adulthood, and I plan to make a post about that on its own. But the fact that he decided to determine this part of his identity so young means that this has defined how he sees himself as an adult. It’s one of the last micro factors (when in life he adopted this identity) that have gotten him so entrenched in his typical behaviours and self image.

As for macro factors, a lot of them have to do specifically with the failing of Gotham’s institutions. Someone like Bruce Wayne, for example, was also orphaned and also deals with trauma; the difference for the Joker is that he had no safety net to catch him when he fell (or rather, was dropped). Someone like Wayne could fall into the cushioning of wealth and the care of someone like Alfred, whereas the Joker (metaphorically) hit the pavement hard and alone. Someone like the Joker should never have become the Joker in the first place because the systems in place in Gotham should have seen every red flag and done something to intervene; this just didn’t happen for him, and not out of coincidence but because Gotham seems like a pretty corrupt place with a lot of systemic issues. Critically underfunded social services (healthcare, welfare, children & family services) that result in a lack of resources for the people who need them and critically underfunded schools that can’t offer extra curricular activities or solid educations that allow kids to stay occupied and develop life skills are probably the most directly influential macro factors that shaped Jack into someone who could resent people and the society around him so much that he’d lose all regard for it to the point of exacting violence against others. There’s also the reality of living in a violent culture, and in violent neighbourhoods exacerbated by poverty, poor policing or overpolicing, and being raised as a boy and then a young man with certain gendered expectations about violence but especially ideas/narratives that minimalize or excuse male violence (especially when it comes to bullying or violent peer-to-peer behaviour under the guise of ‘boys will be boys’). 

Beyond that, there’s the same basic prejudices and societal forces that affect so many people: classism, homphobia/queerphobia, (toxic) masculinity/masculine expectations, and ableism (specifically in regards to people who are mentally ill or otherwise neurodivergent) stand out as the primary factors. I’m touching on these broadly because if I were to talk about them all, they would probably need their own posts just to illustrate how they affect this character. But they definitely exist in Gotham if it’s anything like the real world, and I think it’s fair to extrapolate that these kinds of these exist in Gotham and would impact someone like The Joker with the background I’ve given him.

I have no idea how to end this so if you got this far, thank you for reading!

[kurtty-drabbles]

House of M- Redone

N/A: I think I did a House of M before. One where Kitty helps Wanda and Pietro and that´s cool, but, I had an idea for this au, and well, let´s see if I can do here.

@dannybagpipesarecalling @djinmer4 @bamfoftheundead @muninandhugin 

One thing must be said about professor Katherine Anne Pryde. One of many things if you ask anyone that knows this professor even for one day. The woman takes her job seriously-the school was in dire need of a mutant to teach the history of mutants once proving the teacher wasn´t a real mutant and such employment could cause a scandal- all her 22 students are equal in her eyes.

Now, is important to point out how this school, in Genosha, is not exactly top-notch or elite like as the school where the Princes of Genosha attended- the School Emma Frost owns has all the stereotype images of elite and Emma never shies away- the education system in Genosha is great, but, still Kitty´s school is not an elite. No one in her classroom is a future king, or has omega level powers or is the reincarnation of a great figure- as Kitty never look down at any of her students.

Now! let be register in any record available that Kitty Pryde takes her job seriously. Donning herself with her most comfortable jeans and wearing a white shirt- her Magen David in display and proudly as always- the teacher is counting the heads of her students. "22 as always, thank god. I didn´t lose anyone...for now" Kitty jokes and her students follow along.

"Teacher...what about Larry?" 

"Larry...is our secret" she makes a shush sign and wink at them. A few chuckles happen and now she´s back to the program. "Ok, everyone knew knows what are you looking?" the question has Kitty point directly to the big museum- the words museum is extremely hard to miss- as a few hands raise.

"We´re here to see the story of Genosha and our founders. And to be away from our class" and the other kids' nods. Kitty feels old as she´s not getting the joke nor the memes they´re sharing, well, it doesn´t matter in the end. She´s here to do her job.

"Correct and most important..." her words die-off in her lips and even brains as Emma Frost is climbing down the stairs with her little students- some of them are the princes of Genosha-wearing a smirk hauntingly beautiful for a woman who only wears white.

"Well, well, well. What we have here? a little cat" Emma spares no punches. "A school trip or are you with your kids? Did Piotr finally got his wish?" and Kitty is a professional and she knows that punches the daylight of Emma is a big no(for many, many reasons)

"No, Emma. Thank you for caring. I´m here with my students to see the museum...and I ought to teach all of them the importance of not dress like a whore, something you must teach your students...right, Emma?" she feigns innocence as her big doe eyes transmit nothing but good-will towards another professional.

Emma looks back to see her students equally confused. "We´re going back...oh, Kitty, carefully, the guide´s name is Peter but I heard he´s married already" and she fakes concern putting her hand on her heart as if taking real pity of the situation.

"Ah, thank you for the warning, by the way, Scott always loved and will always love Jean Grey. Had a nice life and try to not be naked on your way back" Kitty states cheerfully as Emma leaves not looking back.

Kitty´s students- Mercury, Rockslide, Pixie to name a few- did a clumsy bow. The future ruler of Genosha is there and while they want to show respect for this future leader, and the kids have many people in their lives hamming this idea into their minds, they aren´t sure how to do the bow. The result? something too clumsy to resemble a bow.

Well, the princes didn´t seem to care.

_________________________________________________________________________________________

The museum has a renovation and it shows. Long gone are the days where the building would resemble a haunting church. Kitty is guiding her students- the guide, Peter, had to take a leave to solve a problem and Kitty is more than well-prepared to do this job-to each section of the museum.

Many questions are being made right now. "Hey, hey. One at a time" Kitty chided them. They didn´t seem to care though.

"Teacher, what´s this?" she points to the war section. To be more exact, to the many fights the X-men fought in the past. Kitty follows her gaze and seems to get the underline question here.

"The X-men in the past fought many adversaries. Bigger than you can imagine. This one here...is Apocalypse" and the students are muttering among themselves impressed by the sculpture- it was a bit of controversy as the X-men feel it would be as if they´re giving a shrine to Apocalypse, but, a deal was made and in the end, a small size sculpture of Apocalypse is in the museum- "and he caused a great problem to the team"

"He killed Prof X...right?"

"Right...he did and Jean Grey was the one to finally locked him in his tomb"

"Will he come back?"

Maybe...he was locked. Not killed.

"Of course not. Jean Grey took care of that"

______________________________________________________________________________________

"Alright, who can tell me the names of the original X-men?" Kitty asked as this prompts all the other kids to stop and think. Few hands are raised.

"There´s Logan" and Kitty crosses her arms in an X position. "Wrong. Logan was never an X-men. He helps them here and there but he is not an X-men nor Avenger" 

Silence is her ally.

"First we have Jean Grey" she look at them bemused. How they did not know Jean Grey is the first X-men? "she is one of the most powerful mutants in the group"

"Second, we have Dr. Hank MCcoy"

"Third we have Iceman aka Bobby Drake"

"Fourth, we have Scott Summers" a few hands raise up to speak and Kitty can roll her eyes already knowing the answer. "Yes, my bad. Mr. Scott Grey"

"And finally, we have Angel aka Warren Warrington"

The students are taking photos of the original team. Making jokes about how young they all look "defeating evil wearing that? They´re fearless"

________________________________________________________________________________________

Kitty claps her hands together and has a big grin on her face. "Ok, kids. This is where the good part begins. Do you reconize those 3 in the painting?" and the students send a sarcastic no to her face. Kitty ignores them. "This is Pietro, the prince of Genosha and the diplomat of our land. This is Lorna, the mistress of magnetism and this...this is our Witch Queen, Wanda"

And the students take pictures and take a moment to admire this moment. "and their father?" Kitty rubs her arms and refuses to lie. "Magneto is a complex story, even to a bystander, Magneto is banished from Genosha and is whereabouts is unknown" and her words sink in for the others.

Suddenly a hole in the wall appears. The one and only Juggernaut appears and speaks. "I´m Juggernaut, Bitch" and the children scream -some take selfies- and Kitty is in front of the students. "And I want the princes of Genosha"

Oh yes, he´s dumb.

Oh no, he´s dumb and strong.

_________________________________________________________________________________________

He´s big. He´s dumb. I can work with that. 

Kitty looks at the students and hissed. "when I count to 3 runs to the exit, got it?" and they nod in silence.

"1" Juggernaut is in a position to attack. Head-fist is his special move.

"2" she can feel the tension.

"3!" she said and the kids run as Juggernaut is stuck on the flooring-half of his body is stuck in the flooring-Kitty´s powers are far more useful than anyone would give credit. The kids managed to leave the museum and Juggernaut is now pissed.

Kitty crackle her knuckles. "Wanna stay here to cool off?" she suggests deadpan.  Juggernaut has a smart reply and sadly it can´t be appreciated as Kitty doesn´t seem to understand stupidity fluently as he does. "Fine, let´s end this soon"

And she caught a whiff of brimstone. "The cavalry is here" in his german accent and Kitty can reconize one of the most famous mutants in the Red Guard.

"You´re late," said Kitty open the bottom case of Juggernaut´s helmet. She chides him without looking at the azzure figure of Nightcrawler. She can miss his astonishment expression.

Juggernaut, however, is not here to take autographs from Nightcrawler. And using his superior strength the man breaks the flooring and is now free.

"Miss, let the professional" he stops as Kitty looks at him with fire in her eyes. "do you have a plan, Nightcrawler?" and she smirks as she says. "I do...can you give me a sword?" 

The nerve of this woman!

And Juggernaut is angry. Juggernaut ignored Nightcrawler to go chasing Kitty. "Come back here, Bitch"

"I´m not Juggernaut!"

Kurt Wagner watches the scene with his jaw drop.

Snapping from his daze, the mutant goes after the strange woman. Kurt notices her intangibility and how she´s pressing the second bottom on his helmet.

Oh...OH...

And Kurt is quick to press the remain buttons and taking his helmet off.

Mark Cain is now powerless without the helmet. And Kurt can take care of the rest.

"That was incredibly risque of you" Kurt begins looking up and down to the woman-in no moment she ever said she was an X-men or Avenger which makes her action even more reckless- "But at the same time...that was incredibly brave of you, thank you"

"Thank you...he tried to hurt my students...motherfucker had come"

Who is this woman?

"What´s your name, fraulein?"

"Uhm, what´s yours?"

"My name is Kurt Wagner, I´m from the Red Guard"

"I´m Kitty Pryde. History teacher" and adds. "no swords?"

"No swords, miss History teacher...is against the laws"

"Damn"

________________________________________________________________________________________

"Wow! Rogue" Kitty said as she saw Rogue carrying Mark Cain to the van without breaking a sweat. Kitty and the students are impressed to see Rogue, however, Kurt is not amused she´s showing more reaction to his own sister than him.

"I´m still here, you know..."

"I know...and we fought against Juggernaut" and she winks at him. Kurt is never this confused about a woman as he´s now.

__________________________________________________________________________________

Emma Frost is ever happy that Juggernaut is a complete moron and mistakes the future leaders or leader- is not sure if Wanda´s sons would want to share the throne or not. They both seem uninterested now- of Genosha with Kitty´s students.

"Miss Frost...are you and Miss Pryde in love?" one of her students dare to make such an idiotic question.

They´re only children after all.

"EWW. If I have to date a woman...I can pick someone who is on my age and has a better fashion sense than Kitty...plus, I meet Kitty when she was a teen and it would be eww in so many ways"