#- the hardships of a long distance relationship

[dinsposable]

i don’t wanna live life without him by my side

[autumnscribbles]

take care of you | rc

pairing: mommyissues!rafe x pogue!reader

summary: after a heated argument with ward, rafe seeks comfort from the only woman in his life who’s ever stayed

warnings: wee bit of theorizing about mama cameron (death)

wc: 1.8k

a/n: hey friends!! thank you to the anon that sent this request in!! i love me a soft rafe moment who just needs to be held🥹 enjoy!! feel free to send me more angsty/soft rafe i love it!!!

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Rafe slammed the truck door shut behind him, twisting his key into the ignition. Ward stood in the doorway ahead of him, his mouth moving but his words unheard. Rafe stopped listening to him even before he decided to leave. He couldn’t listen to it anymore. The rain pelted the windowsill, overpowering the pounding sound of his accelerated heartbeat. He pulled out of the driveway, no destination in mind. He just had to leave.

As he drove, his headlights broke through the rain ahead, illuminating the pitch black road. His breathing was still heavy, trying to ignore his fight with Ward. They weren’t exactly few and far between, but this one had escalated particularly badly. He replayed it over and over, on the verge of screaming just to make it stop.

He didn’t know why he tried to hard to impress Ward, or to get his validation. Everyone is his life left in one way or another. Whether it was on their own terms, or they were taken. He clung to Ward and the fact that just maybe, he would stick around. Be proud of him. In the end, everyone gave up on him. Everyone screwed him over.

Except maybe one person.

When Rafe first met you, he didn’t like you. He never thought he could be friends with a pogue, let alone be with one romantically. You had too much confidence for someone who didn’t have very much. He admit, he thought less of you. He judged you about things that didn’t truly matter. Eventually, he began to find you endearing. You didn’t need boats, a big house, designer clothes, or anything material to be happy. You knew who you were, and he admired that.

You understood him in ways no kook ever had, and probably more than any kook ever will. You knew hardship, and you saw through his bravado. You could tell deep down, he was in pain. No money could fix what was truly happening inside. All the other kooks were shallow. Never having any conversations with substance, just rambling about bullshit. Rafe never really fit in with any of them. He pretended to be friends with most of them, to keep up appearances and his reputation. At the end of the day, he knew none of them truly cared about him. Even worse, he knew they would mock him if they knew he was with you.

Without realizing, Rafe ended up pulling into your driveway. Through the still pouring rain, he could barely see your house. All the lights were off, including the porch light. Were you home? He didn’t even know. As his mind reeled, he automatically drove here. He wanted to see you. Wanted your comfort. Before you, he hadn’t had that in a long time. Since his mom…no one had ever been there for him. No one to tell him things would be okay, no one to comfort him, or hold him. He craved it.

He hopped out of the car, jogging through the rain to your front door. He rapped his knuckles, hoping you would appear on the other side. He saw a light turn on inside, and exhaled a sigh of relief.

You opened the door, met with a dripping wet and sad looking Rafe on the other side. You were surprised to see him. You had some distance from each other recently, since Rafe told you that his friends couldn’t know about your relationship. You pulled back as he continued to hang out with them, unsure how to move forward.

Seeing him here made your heart sink. He pouted as his blue eyes bore into yours, sadness overcoming his entire expression.

“Can I come in?” he asked. “Please.”

“Of course,” you muttered. You stepped aside, letting Rafe into your empty house.

He crossed the threshold, a shiver coming over his body at the sudden change of temperature. His wet clothes left him cold, making the warmth of your house even more shocking to his system. He wiped at his face in attempt to dry it.

“Are you cold?” you asked gently. “Here let me go get you some clothes and a blanket.”

You walked away for a moment, leaving Rafe standing in your doorway. You gathered a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie that belonged to your brother. He wasn’t here, he wouldn’t mind. You snatched your fuzzy blanket from your bed, scurrying back to where Rafe stood waiting. You passed him the clothes, offering him to go change.

As he took his time, you put a kettle of water on the stove. Opening your white cabinets, you rummaged through the various flavours of tea you had. You settled on chamomile. You knew Rafe liked it, even though he would never admit it to literally anyone else. You grabbed 2 mugs and placed the tea bags inside as the kettle began whistling.

You took the two steaming mugs out to the coffee table, where Rafe sat on the couch, waiting for you.

“Here,” you muttered, handing him the mug. You grabbed the blanket, placing it across his lap. “That should warm you up.”

“Thank you,” he said softly, gentle eyes looking up at you.

You sat down beside him, tucking your legs up on the couch. You both sat in silence for a moment, sipping your tea. He let out a small sigh after his first sip, a little smile tugging at his lips.

“My favorite,” he whispered. You responded with a nod.

“You take such good care of me,” he said, breaking the silence more. “I don’t deserve it.”

“Rafe,” you sighed.

He shook his head, not wanting you to deny the truth. He didn’t want you to tell him that he deserved it when he knew it wasn’t true. You were consistently there for him, exuding a kindness he’d never felt. Yet what did he do in return? Essentially tell you he’s embarrassed about your relationship. It was ridiculous, and you shouldn’t be nice to him.

“Come here,” you whispered, opening your arms to him.

His eyes welled up with tears, and he leaned over, resting his head on your lap. You tugged the blanket up slightly higher, covering his torso. You ran your hands through his hair and down his back, feeling the tension release from his body.

Unexpectedly, the tears continued to fall harder. Rafe’s breath caught in his throat as he heaved out a sob.

“You’re okay,” you cooed. “I’m here.”

He let out all the emotions he had been trained to hold back. Grown men didn’t cry. Strong men didn’t cry. This is what he was told over and over. No one ever let him express himself freely, or show vulnerability. For some reason, he felt safe to show it around you. Confident that you didn’t judge him, or view him as weak.

He didn’t realize how much he was craving to just be held. To have his hair played with, his back scratched. To be told it’s okay. He couldn’t remember a time when someone treated him so gently. He wondered if his mom was the last person who truly took care of him. Now, he felt responsible to take care of people around him most of the time.

“Talk to me,” you said. “What happened?”

“My dad,” he blurted out. He rubbed the tears from his eyes, taking a deep breath as he tried to compose himself. “We got into a fight, as always. I accused him of…of killing my mom.”

“What?” you asked, unable to hide the shock in your voice. “Do you really think…”

“I don’t know,” he admitted. “I was too young, but sometimes what he says just doesn’t add up. Doesn’t matter anyway, not like anything would happen to him.”

You nodded silently, knowing he was right. Even if Ward had killed her, no justice would be had. You knew Rafe grappled with the loss of his mom. Rose wasn’t exactly a replacement. She was cold, unkind. Rafe was in a constant battle with Ward. Trying to impress him, get his validation. Rafe grew up wanting his dad’s success, but most of all he just wanted his love. His acceptance. He didn’t think he would ever have a real family. That possibility only came into view when he met you.

“I’m so sorry, Rafe,” you consoled him. “I know how tense things can get with your dad. My arms are always open if you need a break, or need to talk.”

He sat up from your lap, facing you. His eyes were bloodshot from his previous tears. His usually hard features had softened, his eyes still carrying a deep sadness that you knew you couldn’t fix.

“I’m going to tell everyone we’re together,” he told you. “You’re…you’re perfect. You don’t deserve to be hidden. I don’t deserve you in general.”

“It’s okay,” you whispered. “When you’re ready.”

“I’m ready,” he nodded. “I think…I think you’re the only person who actually cares about me. Who listens and…sees me.”

Your eyes welled up slightly. You weren’t expecting Rafe to say something so vulnerable like this. His rough edges were beginning to soften around you.

“I see you, Rafe,” you told him. You reached out and cupped the side of his face, brushing your thumb along his cheekbone.

He leaned forward, his warm lips crashing onto yours. The kiss was desperate, yet gentle. You didn’t realize how much you had missed this. When you pulled away, Rafe’s eyes were glistening once more.

“Everyone in my life leaves, or screws me over,” he told you, repeating his previous thoughts. “Please don’t leave me.”

You pulled him towards you, wrapping your arms around him. He melted into your touch, safety and warmth encompassing his entire being.

“I’m here, Rafe,” you whispered. “I’m not going anywhere.”

You heard his stomach gurgle, making you let out a quiet chuckle. “Hungry?”

He nodded into the crook of your shoulder. You laughed once more as he pulled back, a smirk on his face.

“Let me make you something,” you told him. You planted a kiss on his cheek before standing up, placing the blanket over his carefully. “You just sit here and relax, okay?”

“I love when you take care of me, baby,” he murmured as he rested his head on the arm of the couch.

You smiled down at him before going into the kitchen to make him some food. He felt safe with you. You had to admit that your heart soared at the thought that you were the first person he came to after a fight with his dad. The first person he opened up to about his mom, to try in front of.

You didn’t even realize it would always be you. You would always be the first person he would run to, even in a crowded room.

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[writella]

Reckless Romantics

Synopsis: Can be read as a stand alone or part two to getting ready for me; a return to innocent, inexperienced!reader and her relationship with Rick Grimes; two weeks after their first time together there has been some distance, but now Rick wants to make up for how hasty he was when he touched her last.

Details: Rick Grimes x fem!reader, smut: oral (f receiving) and teaching reader how to give a handjob, unspecified (of age) age gap, sweetness + kissing + a little mutual pining maybe, probably cliche, and leaning more into Rick as the dutiful leader and gentle lover (I feel this is just as in character as dom!Rick). Reader is a music lover— any kind of music you like— but she also likes a specific band only because I watched a documentary about them at the theater in July so it made its way into the story. Slightly proofread— will be corrected more later. wc: 5-7k (I lost track after finishing it on tumblr).

A/N: I wrote this message before I returned for the summer, but I still want you to read it: Been spending time outside this summer, trying to reach some goals— time got away from me. I don’t think I’ll ever stop saying I miss you, but please know it’s always true.

— with love from writella, my beautiful reader. ♡

Rick Grimes was not a man to give in to temptation.

My mercy prevails over my wrath, he’d say— his secret keepsake phrase. The one he whispers to himself in moments of hardship; the one he uses when he needs to make decisions only a leader would. Rick was a man of discipline; honor. He never boasted about how seriously he took these qualities, but when others did— admired, applauded, stuck by him for it— it would be a lie to say that he didn’t take note and use their pride to keep him going. This is how he knows he is strong-willed, why he wouldn’t fall for foolish, forbidden things. He was better than that. The safety and prosperity he brought to Alexandria proved it, reaffirmed it.

So why couldn’t someone remind him of that two weeks ago before he touched you?

As for you, you believed yourself to be a girl who wouldn’t fall so easily for the first man who showed you any kind of affection.

From an adolescence of peers who never seemed to take notice of you to one filled with walkers and adults who were either dead or seldom your age, you learned how hard love, let alone any connection, is to come by. It has made you quite the perpetual daydreamer because of it. One with a heart and mind filled with fantasy worlds, creating what you lacked externally. It often made you see yourself as much younger than you were despite all you’ve been through. No regular person your age in the old world has probably escaped as many deaths and wannabe cowboy dictators as you have. Still, they probably knew what it was like to have a high school romance, or at least go to the movies with friends, and have graduated from well, anything. You were simply born too late and shoved into this new world too early to experience even half of it.

This upbringing has brought you up to believe yourself precocious, although— maybe you were already too old for that word now. No, you were, so maybe– sensible, realistic despite the overactive imagination; you could decipher between right and wrong, real versus fake. This is why, for as long as you could, you did not entertain any thoughts of Rick Grimes.

Other people would though, women mostly. But you did have your suspicions of others who thought the same— they just weren't as shameless. Those who were, could be found during lunch breaks from work on house porches; or laughing and whispering at community gatherings and at the back of town hall meetings. Basically any time or place they could turn into a gossip session, which was often. And it didn’t always have to do with Rick. It could be about any one of the men in town; or retelling funny moments to their friends or complaining about their co-workers. But anything of true, great interest always had to do with the community leaders. You wish you could say you were the exception to this interest, but hypocritically, you loved a good inside scoop, and luckily for you, you had a trustworthy way about you. Almost everyone who spoke to you or allowed you to sit with them and their friends for meals agreed: you were a intent, quiet listener making you the best kind of person to say things to without judgment; and people assumed you as shy, yet you loved to laugh which was great for boosting egos. They often treated you as a little sister in that way, as if the pleasure was all yours to get to hear their ramblings because they were either older or perceived themselves to be more sociable and experienced than you. You tried not to care too much about what they took you for. It was nice to feel trusted, even if people could be a little too mean or weird for your liking because no matter who it was, they made you feel as if you were watching television, and you missed television. They told you things from period mishaps– (it’s the apocalypse, there are a lot of free bleeding queens okay)— to which people in their workstations annoyed them most with very detailed explanations as to why and, of course, rumors or general talk about the leaders: who they thought each of them has slept with, if there seemed to be any fighting between them and what side they were taking, and obviously, anything that had to do with one of the guys. Some were downright obvious that one or the other was their type, while others might try to be more sly about it, always bringing whichever man it was up more than the others. But unless they were diehard Daryl girls, wanted to dominate Glenn, or had some military man, hot priest, or doctor kink for Abraham, Gabriel, or Siddiq, most of them apparently felt that Rick was the love of their lives. He was like a local celebrity. A band’s frontman.

“So, what about you?” One of your scavenging partners asked on the ride home. “Which one do you like?”

“They’re all attractive guys,” you say, keeping your eyes on the road. “But I don’t really think about them like that.” You feel a flush coming on. Crushes, or anything romantic, is a part of your internal world, not something you discuss aloud.

“Come on,” she prods. “You never join in. You just laugh at us for being delusional.”

“Whose us?” Rosita asks, her voice sharp, humorous, and not without judgment. “I don’t talk about that shit.” But secretly, she loved the drama as much as you and would have many questions for you later tonight about why you have yet to tell her of the town obsession of treating her friends like the cast of a reality show.

“I don’t laugh at you! I like it when you guys talk about that stuff.”

“But what I’m saying is that I didn’t let you ride shotgun this time so you can hold out again,” the girl jokes half-heartedly.

“What do you mean this time? I get to ride shotgun because I’m the one with the CDs.”

And it’s true, the only thing that cancelled out the silence of drive in moments where conversation ceased was your Oasis album playing in the background. Learning about the band was your new obsession. Much like listening to the crazy imaginations of the girls in town, you found the Gallagher brother rivalry riveting even if you only knew pieces of the story from the music, scraps of magazine articles, and by asking whoever in town happened to be a teen in the 90s. Thankfully you had hit the jackpot today though. One of the houses you visited was once occupied by a dad and daughter with an insane music collection in the living room and a smaller, more curated one in the girl’s room. After gathering what new music you wanted to try from downstairs, you also found some old issues of QuizFest in the girl’s room, filled with activities that were themed with shows you remember from when you were a kid, but the most important discovery— the find of all finds— was one of those Ultimate Guide, Complete Life Story magazines of none other than the band Oasis.

You would now probably know all of the drama between the brothers to tell a coherent story about the band’s history to anyone who wanted an escape from walker related events and farming talk. When you weren’t listening, that’s what people would come to you for: to borrow music, get recommendations, or to tell them a story. In all, you were getting the reputation of being the town’s music historian, meaning you usually used your knowledge to avoid talking about yourself. And it mostly worked.

Except for now.

“Well, if I had to guess,” the girl persists despite your silence, “I think it would be Rick.”

“What?” Noticing the incredulity in your tone, you calm your voice. Shrugging you say, “Why Rick? Everyone likes him.”

Rosita sends a look your way. It’s innocent enough, probably just showing that she is still listening on as she drives but you were refusing to look at anyone now to know for sure.

“Exactly,” the girl says. “He’s a classic knight in shining armor type. I feel like he’d talk you through it, which I think would be good for— someone like you.”

Your face is on fire, you can’t even speak properly. “I- first of all, what do you know about my experience?” you ask, the incredulous tone returning. But all you get as an answer is knowing snorts and chortles from the two women. Ouch. Nonetheless, you continue, “Second, you think shooting a guy in the head in front of his wife and the whole town is chivalrous?”

Oh—

That makes car goes quiet.

You know you made a mistake.

You didn’t mean it as crassly as you said it, and you did feel bad for saying it knowing that the situation was more difficult than you summed it up to be, but you didn’t apologize. All this talk about crushes and especially Rick made you embarrassed. It’s not that you didn't see what others saw anyway. Of course you noticed how nice Rick’s curls are, how he doesn’t have to use any product for them to look as they do; or those blue eyes and how when you get closer, they become that much more stark and crisp; or how good he was at talking to people, convincing them of things or simply just reassuring them as a friend; and that southern drawl that still sometimes catches you by surprise by sounding so pronounced at the end of certain words, making his voice that much more intoxicating. Of course you saw the appeal, but that didn’t mean you had a crush on him.

Right?

Maybe it doesn’t matter. You just felt you knew better. He was like a president. You know of them, and you believe in them, but you don’t get close to them. And it didn’t matter that he told Carl to personally deliver you a stereo he and Daryl found while out once. How he remembered how you liked music. How he told Carl to tell you this one was probably better than the old one you had, that it was louder. You only showed him your old stereo that once when he was helping you move. He was just a perceptive guy with a good memory. All leaders are like that.

Right?

Anyway, let’s get back to your crass… joke.

“Hilarious.” Rosita says and you hear the low contempt in her voice at your insensitivity.

“That was ages ago though,” the girl chimes in, saving you just a little, “and he did it to help her. He didn’t care about the mess he made. He save her. I’d say that’s pretty romantic.”

“Let’s not call that romantic,” Rosita scoffs, and despite the slight frustration, there was a quiet sadness in her voice at the memory. “That wasn’t love.”

“That was reckless, not romantic.” You agree. Partly because you truly do, but also in attempt to win back favor from your friend. “I shouldn’t have mentioned it.”

But after that day, it was all you could think about.

The idea of a knight; a romantic; someone that would do anything for you, ruin his reputation for you; find gifts from the outside that he’d send is son to give to you. Maybe you did find it charming, idyllic.

These thoughts soared in your mind so much so that on one night when thinking about boys from books or your favorite artists wasn't enough during moments under your sheets when your back arched and your fingers trailed up your thighs, your mind switched from people you would never meet to him, to Rick. Your eyes scrunched tighter, and you tried to shake it away, telling yourself it was just the women in town and the talk in the car getting to you. But then you thought about how rich and hot pink his lips looked on a bright sun-burning day and how it would feel like flames firing inside of you if he kissed you with them.

Ideas like these went on for nearly a year now. You even started questioned if maybe you had always liked him, maybe you were always just like the other girls even though tried to not be. You had thought it made you respectful, realistic; after all, how could Rick be the love of your life if he was everyone’s? Wonderings like this became even worse and more confusing when Rosita had asked if you’d like to move in with her. Becoming closer with her meant being around the leaders more often, which meant coincidental encounters and conversations with Rick as well. Quickly, he wasn’t just that president or celebrity anymore who talked to you sometimes and got you that stereo that once. He was becoming a peer— at least in some ways. One who was curious about your interests as much as your opinions. But it’s not exactly like you were in the in-crowd now as some people assumed. You didn’t get to go to leader meetings, and as much as you knew Rosita must have been telling you more than others know, she couldn’t have been telling you everything. But you did see him more than other people now, when he and the leaders came over to the house or when Rosita was invited over to theirs and she’s tell you to come too. And now, with these thoughts spiraling, you can’t help but to look back at the at the times where Rick approached you, gave you all his attention no matter how small it was and asked you about what you were listening to or reading that week, letting you ramble. He was an older guy, yes, but he cared, he actually listened, and he didn’t make you feel like the childish little sister others do.

Sadly, you did become the fawn like you had told yourself you wouldn’t be. But you couldn’t stop picturing him when you closed your eyes, and in fact, it was nice to imagine someone to fall asleep with, to wake up to. It was just going be your secret. Part of your fantasy world. But then— it all caught up to you.

Through the sliver of the open door he saw you, fingers between folds, goading yourself on as you chanted his name in whispers.

And to your surprise, he encouraged it. No, he did so much more than that— he helped you, made you come; gave you your first orgasm and made you his like no one has before.

You loved it. You gave into it. Even if it was just one secret moment. It made you give into the idea that this would continue but of course, it didn’t. He hasn’t spoken to you in almost three weeks until—

“Woah-” you gasp, almost crashing into just the person as you exit your room.

“Sorry,” you both say in unison, holding onto each other's forearms before quickly letting go. Your arms cross over into your chest before dropping as you enter your room again, clearing the hallway, and his hands go behind his back. He’s still as unsteady as you are, his mouth is slightly open, thinking of what to say.

“Hi,” you whisper tentatively.

“Good morning,” he politely replies. His eyes now smile slightly as he nods to you. You don’t miss how the light emanating from your bright room makes them shine. And he doesn’t miss how the light shining behind your figure makes you, in your white cotton sundress, look like an absolute angel.

“Good morning,” you repeat, giggling slightly, not knowing what else to say.

“Good morning,” he says again, lost and as giddy as you are.

“Oh wait— is the leader’s meeting here today?” Rick starts to nod and answers yes as you continue to speak, “I totally forgot! I’m sorry. I know I should be gone by now.”

He shakes his head, “It’s fine. I was just going to the bathroom.”

“Here? Was someone in the one downstairs?”

“Just wanted to be away from everyone when they came. Daryl and I came early so we started talking and I just- we didn’t see eye to eye on something. I needed a minute.”

You nod. That seems to be your signature when to talk to him. You hated it honestly. Often over-analyzing your words, worrying you’ll sound immature or stutter in front of him. “I'm sorry,” you tell him sympathetically. For a moment there is only silence which makes you worry he will go away, so without thinking, you ask: “I know you’re busy but, if you need a moment, maybe you would like to come in here instead?”

Rick freezes but then, inevitably agrees. As he enters, you close the door and quickly go to shut off the low playing stereo and rehang some of the dresses on your chair in the closet— you had been getting ready for the day. Rick goes to sit on the chair after you empty it but you stop him. You sit on the vertical side of your bed and guesture Rick to sit in the spot next to you, closer to the headboard. You wanted to sit next to him.

Rick doesn’t question this, maybe he wanted to be as close to you as you had, so as he sits, your thighs touch. You try not to move too much at the first contact. Still, the heat that starts to burn inside you makes you realize how much you’ve craved this. Can two weeks feel like a lifetime? It’s like you haven’t felt him in ages.

“What were you playing today?” He asks and you realize you eyes went straight to the area where yours and Rick’s legs touched. You know he noticed but still you try to answer normally.

“Selena. Rosita loves her. It’s one of her most famous songs: Amor Prohibido.”

He nods. “I probably wouldn’t understand a bit of it,” he laughs.

He would probably remember the singer from the news if you gave more context but you don’t. There is a silence that follows until you ask, “So,” starting slowly, “what’s wrong? Is Daryl aright?”

He doesn’t answer. His mouth is open as if he’s deciding what to say, but nothing comes out, so you continue, “You know, nothing is ever right in the world when Rick and Daryl fight. It makes me sad.”

The joke makes those lines at the sides of his eyes appear— a quiet laugh. “Well you know I’d never want to make you sad. Especially not you.” You two exchange a light smile while that heat rises fast to your heart. “We’ll be fine,” he finally says, but then he goes quiet again. Rick seems unsure if he wants to continue. He even looks at the door, wonders if the others have shown up yet, but— he knows he doesn’t want to leave. And even more, he knows he shouldn’t after ignoring you like some teenage boy. He decides to tell you what’s happening: “Daryl wants us to bring new people in. You know how he’s always going out there. But I think it’s way too soon.”

You hum agreeingly, but at the same time, you understand Daryl. “I think he just likes to give people what he never used to have,” you suggest.

“I know,” he nods a bit annoyedly; “and that’s a nice way to put it, but you know him, when he has his mind set on somethin’ he can be so damn stubborn. It’s frustrating. He won’t compromise or listen to anything.”

Endearingly, you try to withhold a laugh, your lisp pursing. Not only because when he says anything, it actually sounds like anythang, but because Rick sounds like he’s describing himself and he doesn’t even realize it.

“And,” he adds, pausing for a moment before he continues, scratching his beard. It looks as if maybe he shouldn’t tell you what he’s about to. His head hangs low to say: This is not information for everyone to know, okay? But the last time he went out there with Glenn, the reason Glenn’s arm is in a sling right now, is because they met a group, tried to bring them back and before they could make it even close to home, the group fought ‘em, tried to steal what they scavenged, and almost kill Glenn.”

You widen your eyes at the statement. You actually already knew this from Rosita, but that will stay between you two. All you feel is humbled that he felt he share it with you, despite it being a dark thing. It was a close call. Rick was right for being very cautious right now. “Wow,” is all you can get in before he speaks again.

“Imagine if we lost him. Fought this war with his wife and unborn baby at the time for nothing? So he couldn’t even meet him?” Rick shakes his head, and you notice his foot tapping lightly, making his knee bounce. This had happened a month ago now but it was obviously affecting him. “It was reckless and I told him that. That right now we need to be focusing on what’s inside these walls. People have only just started getting back to being comfortable now; to feeling like this is a home.”

Your eyes remain wide, “We did so much rebuilding you.”

“We did complete rebuilding.” He corrects, though not rudely. Shaking his head, he goes back to talking about Daryl: “I think I made it seem like what happened to Glenn was his fault. So not only were we arguing but I must’ve hurt him,” Rick realizes, “and now he definitely won’t be back today— maybe not even until next week.”

A silence hangs in the air after this; it seems he finished. Now, you know you should speak, but as the silence continues, you grow more unsure of what to say. Issues like these are things you’ve never dealt with. You didn’t want to say something stereotypical.

“I’m sorry I’m putting all this on you.”

“No, no,” you quickly console, trying to think. “Um, well,” you say, starting unsteadily, “this is probably going to sound stupid and not helpful. I don’t even remember the exact context or what was truly said so it might not make any sense either but, do you remember when I had my Oasis obsession? Earlier this year?”

“I do,” he laughs, turning his head over to your music table. His eyes scan any of the visible album titles to see if he can find it, but the print on most of them are too small. He turns back to you as you continue:

“This is going to sound a little far off but I think you and Daryl are like Liam and Noel.”

His eyebrows furrow, “Didn’t those two hate each other?”

“I mean, yes— but it’s much more complicated than that to me— but no, I don’t mean in that way. It just that there is this quote Noel says that I don’t remember exactly, but I really liked: he said that even though he wrote the music and Liam did the singing that Liam meant the words just as much as Noel did because they’re brothers and he wrote them. I thought that was beautiful, but…” you trail off.

He stays silent, trying to give you space to find your words but you feel like you’ve gone too far. It’s all pretty convoluted and not a true comparison to what’s going on that you’re even confusing yourself a little. “I think what I mean is that even though they have their different roles, they still feel very similar things and believe in the same purpose. I think that’s like you and Daryl. You two are so similar yet so different. But there’s still a binding force that always brings the two of you together. So, like I’m sure you already know and I didn’t even need to tell you, but you two will be okay. You two have different ways of doing things, but the music or the life you’re trying to create in Alexandria still has the same meaning to the both of you.” You laugh small and breathily as you end. “That probably didn’t make sense.”

Rick smiles to himself. “I didn’t get that first bit, with the quote, but no… that made a lot of sense to me.” He nods toward you and you return his smile. “You’re so bright. You know that? Not everyone knows how to stitch things together like that the way you do.”

This makes you feel good. Rick thought you were smart. You know you should say thank you, but instead, something else comes out: “May I, may I kiss you?”

“Yes,” he answers, almost stuttering it out, a hint of hesitation before he did, but he nods so kindly, so reassuringly as he tells you again: “yes.”

Your fingers touch his lower cheeks lightly, feeling the bristles of his beard. You’re slow, and careful, and scared. Your fingers linger on his jaw for a moment until they completely caress his right cheek and then you move in, swiftly— worried you’ll lose your confidence, worried he’ll change his mind. You catch his lower lip and seal the kiss. Your lips are locked for a few seconds until you retreat. It was nice, and exciting, but short. You knew you could have put your tongue in his mouth. You believe he would have let you because you remember when he did it last time, but you didn’t want to embarrass yourself by doing it wrong and once again reminding him how much you don’t know. But you’re sure giving him a grade school kiss like this one was enough of a reminder.

Your eyes roll down, chin low. Your cheeks are on fire and your hands do not know where to go so you start fiddling with the hem of your dress and then you laugh. You were trying to be courageous this time, and you were, but you also weren’t.

Rick grabs your left hand, holding it at the end of your thigh, “I liked that,” he says softly.

“You did?” You ask as softly as he, eyes meeting his.

A short, airy snicker comes out, “Mhm,” he hums, giving you a closed-mouth smile. He found you simply adorable.

“Can I… try it again?”

Rick pulls on your forearm, attempting to bring you closer to him. “Yeah,” he nods, voice gentle. “Do you want me to help?”

You nod before you speak, happily accepting, “Yes.”

He puts your hands on his shoulders. One of his grabs onto your waist and the other holds you lightly under your chin, adjusting your head to meet his lips. The first kiss he places holds just for a couple of moments as the one you gave him did, gentle but packed with longing. The next two are slow, pretty pecks that already have you melting at his touch, lips agape waiting for the next one. The fourth is the one where he brings his tongue into your mouth, carefully bringing it in quarter by quarter. He tastes the top of your mouth and tongue and you feel him as he slowly starts to explore how far you may like to go, but truly you become stagnant other than your hands that press into his shoulder. Luckily, Rick either doesn’t notice your hesitation or is already silently helping you as he takes the lead, pulling you closer by the hips and slipping his tongue in and out of your mouth to kiss you more. It makes you smile— the excitement of your first make-out session. You giggle, and then it makes him smile too and your teeth slightly bump into each other. Accidently you nip his lip because of it, making you pull back.

Your fingers hover over your lips as you impart a quiet apology but Rick just shakes his head giving you another quick kiss instead. He starts to move back on your bed, back pressed again the headboard and he tells you quietly, “Come here.”

You get up and sit higher up on the bed as well, calves folded under your thighs. He takes one of your legs and starts to put it over his as he asks, “Is this okay?”

You nod, vigor growing as you do it now, thrilled to sit on his lap. Your dress bunches around your hips and the tops of your thighs. You move closer to press your chest into his and you kiss him first again, another small one but with intent as you look at him afterward, feeling the scratch of his beard on your fingertips as you smile at him, in awe that this is happening.

“You want to try this time?”

“Uh,” he means you put your tongue in his mouth this time, but you’re afraid to do it wrong but you know you want to say yes so you do, “Yes, okay.”

So he brings you in again and you kiss him. He mouth opens a little and you try to bring your tongue in slightly but you teeth clash. “Sorry,” and quickly he responds that it’s okay and rubs your cheek, telling you to just open your mouth a little wider, no teeth, let your tongue go on top of his.

You try it. Your tongues meet again, licking each other tips before you slowing press in more, your chest touching his as you try to close the gap.

Rick starts slowly rocking your hips against his and he takes control of the kiss again. It helps you not think, you like it. And you like the feeling of that incoming tight bulge starting to form under his jeans, but then you let go. “Wait,” you say, “I like this.” You pause for a moment, confusing him more as to why you stopped. “But… there is something I wanted to ask you.”

“Okay,” his hand stay fixed on your hips and waist, rubbing soothily, “What it is?”

Another pause. “I feel nervous,” you whisper.

“You have no reason to be, sweetheart. You can ask me anything.”

You laugh, smiling as you look off to the side. Anythang.

He smiles too, although unknowingly to what you found funny. His head tilts as he tries to find your gaze and turn it towards him again.

“Well, the last time we were together here you taught me how to do something. You taught me how to pleasure myself better so,” you stutter, “I want to pleasure you. If that’s okay. And I was wondering if you’d teach me how- to touch you here.” You remove yourself from straddling him and point in the direction of his cock.

Instantly he feels a stir of his already hardening dick.

This is not how he expected things to go this time. Or truly, he didn’t expect any of this at all, but when you asked to kiss him he decided he would be gentle, more giving. It felt like you wanted him to take again, the exact thing he was trying not to do. “I feel like I took advantage of you last time.”

“Rick…” you shake your head. “I’m the one who didn’t close the door all the way. You asked if it was okay and then you asked if you could go faster. I said yes to everything…” You start to worry— is he second guessing everything now?—“I feel maybe we remember this differently.” You bow your head again now. Feeling ashamed, wondering if he did.

Rick places one hand on your knee to comfort you although he still says, “It’s just that I’ve never done something like this before.” His thumb sways on your skin. “I just don’t want you to end up feeling like you’re wasting your time. Your first times.”

You’re surprised, “It’s so funny how you can be so self-assured in front of a crowd and now you don’t think you’re good enough.” You take his hand and press it towards your chest. Your heart was racing. “I like you. So much.” You swallow as he says your name softly, realizing how fast your heart was going. “No one in town is truly ever mean to me or anything, and Rosita has been so kind with letting me move in with her and we talk and its nice but, you know— she has her flings and her friendships that are separate from mine and everyone just always seems like they have their person and I just don’t. I don’t have my person, or any person.” You remove your hands from your chest but Rick still holds onto it, squeezing your hand as you start speaking again. “You’re kind, Rick, and you make me excited, and you remember things about me… “ If your face could get any hotter, it does, “And, well, you’re very handsome. If you could teach me again, I would like that.”

God… Rick was trying to be a romantic yet you were so adamant on getting him off. He laughed inwardly, shaking his head, deciding that the best way to handle this situation— and make up for some of his guilt as he was trying to— would be to give you the thing you say you want and not what he thinks you want. Suppose that’s one for widower’s wisdom.

Decidedly, Rick gets up from the bed, giving you a once over, still admiring how adorable, and how sexy, you look to him with your feet under your lap, hands on your knees as you look up at him from the bed and your white dress. He starts undoing his shirt buttons. “Remember when I did this the first time?”

A smirk came on, there’s the Rick you remember. Blue eyes intense, and voice getting cocky as he gets ready to give you what you need, what he knows you only want from him.

“Yes,” you say quiet yet with budding excitement. You start going for the hem of your dress, “Should I start taking this off too?”

“Mm, stay like that.” He’s taking off his belt. “Thought you looked beautiful in it right when I saw you.”

Your thighs squeeze together slightly. Rick Grimes was undressing before you, for you, and calling you smart and beautiful all the while.

As Rick lowers his boxers, his cock springs up. He returns to his spot on the bed, back leaning against the headboard. All of a sudden he seems to truly recognize that he is the only one exposed. He would tell you what to do, guide you, but in a small way, in a way you probably didn’t realize, you were in control. It seems that each time this happens— although it’s only been twice— and each time he talks to you— which has been plenty— you steal a little more of Rick’s heart and he just can’t stop it.

“So,” he clears his throat, your eager eyes on his cock making him twitch, “you usually just wrap your hand around, start from the base and keep pumping up.” He shakes his head, “there’s not too much too it but it’s best to keep your hand light at the start, you—”

You nod quickly, “May I?”

As he nods back you, “Yes.” And as he says it you’re already licking your hand.

“Is it okay if I spit? That helps right? Or is that nasty to you?”

He’s caught off guard, “No, no, that helps.”

So you do and you place your hand lightly at the base as he said and you start to pump. Instantly, he lets out a gasp, and the next noises that follow are repressed grunts and groans. You want to ask him to stop doing that but you’re a little scared to speak up that way just yet and you’re too engrossed in how you can see the light veins of green and blue on him and how he’s so red at the tip. It was honestly exciting. Just this, touching him with your hand, staring at his member and watching him twitch as his mouth opens to pant lightly. It still felt unreal but you liked it and you were happy to learn. You start to pump him more towards the top, placing your thumb on his slit- pressing in. His abs clench at that. You push in a little harder and you squeeze your fist around him a little— testing it out to see what happens—and he groans, unadulterated this time, “oh, fuck.”

The heel of your foot that’s under your lap pushes into your center at that.

You start pumping faster. “Am I doing good, Rick?”

Hearing your voice sets him off, “Fuck, sweetheart. Yes.” He’s honestly choking out each of his words, he didn’t expect to get so turned on by all of this. He realizes the last time he had sex was with you that first time, and before that… he can’t even remember. “You’re doing an amazing job.”

As you pump, you start to slow down, only doing it shallowly towards his base. You’re feeling confident and you kiss the side of him, licking a fat stripe up to the top and then you pump him fully again.

“Oh, fuck, yeah,” he breathes out. He wants to tell you to slow down but it comes out of nowhere, he stutters before he can even speak. An unintelligible groan mixed with a moan comes out abrupt and louder than he intends and white spurts of liquid come out.

You go faster for a few moments, then start to slow down, a little unsure of what is best to do, but you notice when you start squeezing him a little more as you continue to pump up and more whiteness fall out from inside of him.

“Did I, make you come?”

“Yeah,” he says, huffing.

“I did?” your cheekbones rise as you ask with awe— it was another first for the books.

Rick’s tries to let his embarrassment fade, he can tell you were just excited about it, but still, he looks down and to the side, avoiding direct eye contact— almost like you typically would. You peer at him, almost nervously because of it. Rick is usually the confident one. “Doesn’t always happen that fast,” he explains.

“Well before a month ago I didn’t know how to make myself come so I wouldn’t know,” you say with self-deprecating assurance. You had heard from the girls in town that it was easier to make men orgasm. You already had it in your head as something not to judge. You wonder how hard he must have been restraining himself the first time he placed himself inside you, or if it just happened to be easier for him that time around. “I didn’t expect I could do it or anything really. I thought it was…” you smile while giggling, “interesting.”

“A good interesting I hope.”

“Very,” you assure. “I liked it.” You kiss his cheek as you take some wipes that are by your night stand and you start cleaning him up. He doesn’t tell you that you don’t have to; he helps along with you.

“You sure you’ve never done any of this before?”

You shake your head. “I just read fiction books.”

He smiles to himself, a quiet snort of laughter leaving his nose. You always surprise him.

When you two are done cleaning, he puts his boxers back on. Quickly, he is on the bed again and starts to kissing you. Rick holds your shoulder and pushes you down. Finally, it’s time for his redemption, he feels. It was your turn to be pleasured. Just like he wanted to do from the beginning.

Rick kisses down your neck to your collarbone, and the parts of your exposed chest and he pushes your dress up past your hips. His lips move back up to yours, kissing you more before saying, “I really wanna show you something sweetheart.” He presses his thumb into your clit over your underwear. “Can I kiss you down there? Have you ever had that before?”

You shake your head slowly, eyes wide. “I-” you start nodding your head, “-I would really like that.” And in such a small voice you add, “Please.”

Rick kisses your cheek. Deep and softly he breathlessly tells you, “I would love to.”

Rick moves his head lower and gives you slow kisses over your underwear from your mound to the end of your lips. He starts to drag your panties over your legs and once they’re gone he kisses up your thighs. Then his nose rubs and sways ever so lightly on your lips. He breathes in and it makes you shutter. Your heart is going crazy again. Finally, he licks upward. One long and languid stripe ending with a kiss to your clit and then he truly begins.

Tongues are wet and sticky and everything you ever dreamed of. Your eyes roll back instantly from that first lick and kiss. You remember a time when you started touching yourself that you used to never think of receiving oral. You thought it was scary, nasty, that you wouldn’t like it until the moment you thought about it as a million kisses on your most sensitive lips, or someone liking you so much that they’d get drenched by your wetness just to touch you, to taste you. After that, you thought about it all the time and now it was finally happening– someone needing you so much they just had to know what you taste like. Here he was: kissing, licking, sucking, not caring about how he looks but only how you feel— you now knew what it was like to be desired.

Rick presses his tongue flat on your clit, rubbing deep circles. His eyes are open, looking up at how your mouth opens wider and wider. You let out little whimpers, enamored by his tongue, still deciding if you like the scratch of his beard, but your eyes stay glued to the ceiling, scared to look at the scene below.

He gives you kitten licks in between speaking, “Look down. Don’t miss your first time.”

Your eyes go down slowly, watching as he gives open mouth kisses to your clit and right lip, tilting his head. He stays there for a moment, hearing your short and breathy pants, kissing and licking your clit and lower lips like they were the ones above your chin. His eye contact sends bursts of sticky wet fluid down your hole and you release a whimpered moan, they’re always sp short and soft and high pitched. He can tell you like it but he can also see you’re nervous. You don’t trust yourself, you know it, and he’s starting to realize it too. You’re scared of completely letting go.

He peppers kisses to your clit before moving upward, his tongue rolling and mouth kissing from your lower stomach to your breasts till his face reaches yours again. “No one’s here,” he tells you. He then kisses your lips allowing you to taste yourself for the first time. “Relax,” he whispers, rolling out each syllable. He holds your chin with one hand while he inserts a finger into your hole with the other, his pointer is instantly drenched and you shudder at the feeling. His single calloused finger reminds you of the time he was last inside you. He pumps slowly, looking into your eyes as he speaks, “Don’t think about who could come downstairs.”

“What if Rosita or Daryl come back?”

“What if?” He says it so simply as if he’s ready for everyone to know. Truly, that would be an issue, but right now it was not about him and it was completely about you; he wanted to give. It was short-sighted, reckless, yes, but… you were just so pretty, so bright, so insightful, and he felt like he needed to make up for all the taking he did last time, of your first time. Rosita had went to run after Daryl, hopefully no one was here anyway. But again, he didn’t care. It didn’t matter. “Lay back,” he gently commands, “forget what I said before- close your eyes. Just give in to it. Like I’m the only one who's here.”

Rick licks zig zag stripes down your slit and then he decides to insert his tongue in your hole. He goes as deep as his tongue allows, collecting your wetness and trying to swallow it in moments when he turns back to kissing. He his nose is brushing and rubbing up against your clit as he sucks wetness from down below and you start letting out stringy moans you can’t control. Soft, pretty, and continuous, “uh, ah, uh, uh” that turn into “sorry, I’m sorry.” You’re still self-conscious about your own noises. This was still only the second time you’ve heard the sounds you make when someone else is fucking you.

But Rick shushes you. Giving small kisses to your clit as he looks up at you, seeing your scrunched eyes and open mouth. “I like knowing you like it, pretty girl. I like all those pretty sounds you’re making.”

Your pussy tightens around nothing at that phrase.

“Keep going. You don’t have to be shy.” He grabs your chin and you look down at him. His beard is wet. “We’ve already made a mess anyway.”

He starts kissing your labias, licking up wetness when you decide to ask, nervously, “Can you make sounds too?”

Instantly, Rick goes again to kiss your clit, humming into it as he sucks. Breathing against you he says, “Want me to tell you I like it, sweetheart?” His tongue slides down again, tongue reaching into your hole and he moans into your pussy.

Your back arches and you mewl, you could almost scream.

That’s it, he thinks. Rick keeps humming and groaning into you now. His voice is so seductive. “I love tasting your pussy, baby.”

You couldn’t breathe.

Rick starts rubbing your clit with his thumb and going fast with his tongue in your hole “My bright, pretty girl gonna come for me? Hm?”

“Oh, Rick, I want to. Please, Rick.”

Rick starts to go faster and your brain turns to mush. Only noises coming out and when he stops his tongue movements to say something more you push his head down. “Sorry,” you say. You’ve never been forceful before but he says nothing, just continues going down on you and taking his free hand to place it over his, gesturing that he wants your hands in his hair. You tug on his curls and he grunts into you. You start chanting his name and then he switches to placing his lips on your clit and putting two fingers in your pussy. It reminded you of the first time but instead of your three fingers they were two of his and it felt so much better than you ever knew before, better than you could ever do it yourself. It sets you off. Your eyes shut tighter if they could. “Rick! Oh my god,” you moan and then again and again and then you come.

Rick laps at your cunt, vigorously trying to wipe you clean. He makes it look like it will be the last and only time. It makes you worry but at the same time he looks so sexy like that; needy for you even after you finished.

He takes your wipes and cleans his lips before cleaning you up as you did for him. He kisses you thighs and your lips and your cheeks as he continues. “You did such a good job,” he says. “You always do.”

You’re filled with pride at that. “Thank you.” Then worry sets in. You realize how public you’ve made everything. “Did I just ruin your life?”

He laughs while caressing your thigh. That anxious expression of yours that he just got rid of returns after all the work he did.

“I’m gonna check downstairs. Okay? If they’re there, they’re there.” You nod. We already made a mess anyway, you remember him saying. “They might want to start the meeting when I go down so, whatever happens, happens alright? You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Your eyes are still nervous, but it’s all too late anyway. “Okay,” you respond.

“Okay,” he says back, kissing you once more. As he dresses himself again, he tells you, “I promise I won’t wait two weeks to see you again.”

“I’d like that.”

“Me too,” he says as a send off and goes into the bathroom to clean his face.

When he reaches the living room, there is no one. Rick is thankful but confused.

As he nears the coffee table there is a sheet of yellow lined legal pad with a talkie next to it.

Call when you’re done, it reads.

“Rosita?” He questions into the device. Who else could it have been, right?

He can almost hear the grin on her face. “They should start calling you Reckless Rick for all the agony you put these Alexandria girls through.” She pauses for dramatic effect. “There’s just something about that stupid hair cowboy accent, I guess.”

Before he can respond, telling her that it’s absurd to think of him as a playboy, that he was far from it, she continues:

“So, fucking my roommate? You’re glad Glenn and Maggie called everyone over to theirs instead. Hershel took his first steps while you were teaching someone else how to take theirs.”

She unpressed the button to suppress her laughter. “Just get over here,” she concludes, putting down the walkie and going back to meet the rest of the group with a perfect poker face. She tells everyone Rick will be here shortly.

Oh, Alexandria’s leader and her new little best friend who has been hearing the townswomen’s fantasies of him for years: Reckless Rick and his reckless romantic girl.

Rosita would give you so much shit for this when she gets home.

[novlr]

how to describe despair in writing

Despair is a visceral and crushing emotion—one that echoes through the pages of a story, gripping readers with its raw intensity. It is more than just a feeling; it’s an abyss that characters fall into, a shadow that colours their every action and decision with hues of hopelessness and loss.

Behaviour

Neglecting personal care or obligations.

A lack of motivation or interest in activities they once enjoyed.

Withdrawing from social situations or avoiding company.

Engaging in self-destructive actions or habits.

Consistent signs of fatigue or lethargy.

Frequent emotional outbursts or mood swings.

An inability to concentrate or focus on tasks.

Indecisive, even on trivial matters.

Focusing on negative thoughts.

Displaying a loss of hope or a sense of defeat.

Interactions

Avoiding physical or eye contact with others.

Short-tempered and easily irritated.tempered

Speaking in monosyllables or giving terse responses.

A sense of indifference or apathy toward others’ concerns.

Struggling to express themselves or to articulate their feelings.

Misinterpreting others’ intentions or words negatively.

Isolating themselves despite offers of help or companionship.

Being unresponsive to attempts at humour or light-heartedness.

Blaming others or external circumstances for their despair.

Seeking out enablers or situations that validate their mindset.

Body language

Slumped shoulders or a consistently bowed head.

Averted gaze or blank stares into the distance.

Fidgeting, such as wringing hands or picking at skin.

Slow, dragging movements or a lack of coordination.

Heavy sighing or audible breaths.

Neglecting personal space or boundaries.

Minimal gestures or lifeless posture.

Clenched fists or jaw during moments of heightened emotion.

Visible trembling or shaking due to emotional strain.

A general lack of energy or life in physical presence.

Attitude

Pessimism towards the future.

Cynicism about intentions, whether their own or others’.

Resignation, believing that effort will not change their situation.

Indifference to opportunities or choices presented to them.

A sense of helplessness or powerlessness in all scenarios.

Self-deprecation and a tendency to dismiss their own value.

An overwhelming sense of guilt or responsibility for past events.

A fixation on the negative aspects of every situation.

An inability to accept comfort or positive feedback.

Believing they are a burden to others.

Positive Story Outcomes

An epiphany or realisation that sparks a desire for change.

A gesture of kindness from another character that provides a glimmer of hope.

The discovery of an inner strength or previously untapped resource.

A serendipitous event that offers a new perspective or opportunity.

The formation of a supportive relationship or friendship.

Minor victories or achievements that build self-confidence.

Learning a valuable lesson through hardship.

Developing empathy for others going through similar experiences.

Finding purpose in aiding others, easing their own despair.

An eventual embrace of vulnerability, leading to healing and growth.

Negative Story Outcomes

A surrender with long-lasting consequences.

The breakdown of important relationships.

A significant loss incurred because of inaction or apathy.

Descent into a more self-destructive or reckless lifestyle.

The solidification of a character’s role as an antagonist.

A missed opportunity for redemption or improvement.

A worsening of the character’s situation, potentially affecting others.

The development of a trait or flaw that hinders future happiness or success.

A downfall that provides a cautionary tale within the narrative.

A tragic ending that leaves a profound impact on the reader and other characters.

Helpful Vocabulary

Desolate

Forlorn

Wretched

Crestfallen

Anguished

Dolorous

Bereft

Hollow

Numb

Morose

Sullen

Bleak

Languish

Melancholy

Hopeless

Despondent

Dejected

Heartbroken

Miserable

Pained

Woeful

Eclipsed

Defeated

Overwhelmed

Grief-stricken

Tormented

Disconsolate

Listless

Oppressed

Despairing

[astrocafecoffee]

Astro observation (part six ) - spouse edition 💗

🌟 FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY, ENJOY 🌟

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☞ Masterlist

Note: In the case of groom/ briede pc , if you are interested in men then check groom pc but if women then briede pc.

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♥️ Groom/Briede sextile/trine Venus in natal chart- your fs could awaken undeniable magnetism within you , especially in social or romantic contexts. Your fs might bring out your most charismatic and charming self which will make you feel more attractive and drawing people to you, whether it's through your energy, your presence or your aura.

♥️ Groom/ Briede sextile/ trine Chiron in natal chart -

This is a unique love. It may feel like a journey of awakening and transformation. Your fs may encourage you to see love as an evolving process, not something static or confined to traditional views of romantic relationships. This could open your eyes to a new type of connection which is based on mutual healing, growth and a deeper understanding of love that is not only nurturing but also freeing.

♥️ I have seen individuals who have groom or briede opposite northnode in natal chart may face many hardships in loves before committing to their fs.

♥️ union in 6th house in your natal chart - a spiritual union with your fs. The ambience of your wedding day will be very magnetic. A spiritual union between two souls. I think you married them in the past lives too. (12th house union in derivative astrology).

♥️ Uranus opposite union asteroid in natal chart- could meet your fs through social media or after meeting them face to face you guys could connect with social media because of long distance. This placement could also indicate unpredictable relationship. People are confused how you guys meet or how this relationship works with your fs. Maybe a huge age gap, social status differences etc.

♥️ Briede opposite fama in natal chart - if you are popular/ or in the public eye in some way or if your spouse is a public figure then it can create some obstacles between your relationships. You could feel like people are constantly meddling between you guys and gossiping about you. You might want privacy but people are getting on your nerves. All the best guys 🥲.

♥️ Jupiter in 7th house in natal chart - everytime I feel so excited after seeing this placement in someone's chart. This is ideal placement for marriage and relationships. Jupiter is expansion. The relationship with your fs will be very comforting, nurturing, you will feel like this relationship changes you for better. You feel safe in their arms.

♥️ Europa in 11th house in groom/briede/juno pc - your fs could be very popular among their community or friends. In a bigger sense They could be a public figure/ social media influencer. If it's in leo then the chances of them being a famous personality is prominent.

♥️ if you have part of fortune conjunct groom in fama persona chart then there's high chance your fs might be a famous figure or even a celebrity.

♥️ Venus opposite descendant in groom pc/juno pc - your fs might feel a sense of tension between what they desire in a relationship and what they actually need for emotional balance. There could be dissatisfaction in commited partnerships if they feel they are not getting the romantic satisfaction they crave.

♥️ union conjunct Ceres in groom pc/juno pc - the initial meeting with your fs may feel like you've found someone who instinctively understands how to nurture and support you , possibly offering you a sense of emotional safety you haven't experienced before.

♥️ Groom opposite saturn in groom/ briede or juno pc - your fs might have a tendency to hold back emotionally, especially when it comes to showing affection or vulnerability. There might be a sense that they need to feel secure before fully opening up. They may appear more reserved or distant when you first meet, possibly taking time to fully commit or express their feelings. This could require patience and effort on both sides.

♥️ Asteroid spirit(37452) in Scorpio/ in 8th house/ in 12th house/ in Pisces in groom/ briede/ juno pc could mean your fs has ability to talk to spirits. They can feel spirits around them. Possibly they have interests in occult/ witchy things. Also spirits might talk to them in their dreams quite often.

♥️ Telephus (5264) in 3rd house/in Gemini of Groom/ Briede / juno pc could mean they could read others mind very well. They possess strong intuition.

♥️ if Telephus(5264) is in 12th house/in Pisces of Groom/ briede/ juno pc they this can indicate that you and your future spouse is already connected in the 5D realm. You might not aware of this very well but there's a constant telepathic connection is going on between you two.

♥️ Pintar( 33103) in 5th house/ in leo in groom / briede / juno pc could mean they are an excellent painter ( hobby or career). In general this could also mean they possess artistic qualities. If this conjunct sun then this could be their way of expressing themself.

♥️ Biblialexa (51895) in Gemini/ 3rd house in groom / briede / juno pc could mean they love to read books. Could be a bookworm lol. They could also be a writer. Check if 10th ruler conjunct this asteroid or if it's in 10th house then this could be their career as well. This could also indicate they could be some sort of teacher.

♥️ cook (3061) in 4th house/ 2nd house/ 6th house or in Virgo, Taurus, cancer in groom/ briede/ juno pc then this could mean they are very good cook. If this asteroid conjunct moon / mercury then the same meaning. They have a knack to try different cuisines.

♥️ moon opposite juno in groom/ briede/ juno pc could mean your fs is emotionally invested and nurturing but struggles with finding the balance between intimacy and commitment. There may be moments where he/she feels emotionally disconnected from his/her relationship expectations especially in long-term commitments. They need to work on this. But don't worry if they work on this your relationship will be fulfilling. Try to help them in this matter as well.

♥️ Uranus 5th house in groom/ briede/ juno pc could mean unexpected pregnancy or it could also be possible that you might become pregnant fast after marriage.

♥️ Venus conjunct Jupiter is one of the best aspect to have in your groom / briede/ juno pc. This indicates happy and fulfilling union. Your fs is that type of person who always see the best in others. This is very fortunate aspect.

♥️ makhaon (3063) in 6th house/in Virgo/conjunct 10th ruler in groom pc/ briede pc/ juno pc could mean your fs could work in healing/ medicine industry.

Or in general people comes to them for emotional support often. They are that friend when you need someones shoulder to cry they are always there for you. Also whatever work they do in a professional sense that can bring healing to others in some way.

♥️ makhaon (3063) in 12th house/ in Pisces in groom/ briede/ juno pc could mean they are into occult/ mysticism. They are into spiritual healing. Also they could be a great psychologist/ psychiatrist.

♥️ Asteroid Thalia(23) in leo / gemini/ Sagittarius or in 5th house or 3rd house in groom/ Briede/ juno pc then this could mean they are very witty, playful, possess comedian abilities and have a very good sense of humor. You will never feel bored with them. It will be like they are cracking jokes every minute and also they could be love to tease you alot.

♥️ Casanova(7328) conjunct union in groom / briede / juno pc could mean your fs will flirt with you alot upon the first metting. Hmm they have courage tho 🥲.

♥️ Casanova(7328)in 5th house/7th house or in Libra/gemini/leo / Aries in groom pc/ briede/ juno pc could mean they flirts with you alot every day. They are very bold, romantic and a passionate lover. They will tease you alot. If it conjunct Venus then it will be their love language.

Thanks for reading 💓

- PIKO 💖

[bernardsbendystraws]

Fresh Air

Matt Sturniolo x Reader

Check out my pinned post for more of my writing.

00 01 02 03 04 05 06 07 08 09 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 FINAL

Summary: One night at a party seems to change everything. A strange man with a friendly smile and a sleeve of patchwork tattoos seems to make you feel at home for a change. You're finally happy to have made a good friend to lean on - especially when it comes to your not-so-great relationship with your boyfriend. But what happens if you lean too much...what happens if you fall?

Warnings: 18+. This series contains mature themes, read at your own risk. (SMUT, angst, parental troubles, financial hardships, and more. Don't like, don't read.) This warning is made for all parts.

A/N: To be added to the taglist, send a request in my inbox or comment on the pinned post. I'm far more likely to see requests sent to my inbox.

With love and big tits, Rose.

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02: try harder

The peace didn’t linger in the cool air seeping through the window very long. Not when I checked my phone to see the messages from Hayden, texts consistently rolling in throughout the night that let me know he didn’t sleep at all. 

And it was my fault. 

“Hey.” 

The simple greeting from me didn’t falter his blank expression as I shut the door to his apartment behind me. I slipped off my shoes, swallowing thickly as I watched his sunken eyes squint sadly. 

No words left his lips. A silence clouded the room with unbearable tension, making the air hitch in my chest as I sat on the couch, leaving about a foot of room in between us. The distance did little to ease the heavy weight falling on my spine, an uncomfortable jolt of anxiety flowing up and buzzing in my ears. 

“I…hey,” he whispers back. The soft tone of his voice makes my teeth clench into the side of my cheek inside of my mouth. I hurt him. I really, really hurt him. All to feel better for myself when I disappointed him. 

My tongue stammers against my teeth. I feel the rush of disappointment glide over my skin, washing over me like a rough wave of harsh salt water. And it stings. 

“I’m sorry,” I breathe out. 

Looking over at him, I watch as his eyes shift to mine with a bitter fury. Hayden’s face twists with sour distaste. “I….thanks. Means a lot after you spent the night with another guy, really,” he spits sarcastically. 

Ouch. 

His words hurt, but they hurt because they were true. 

“It’s not like that—I…I just—”

“You just what?” he cuts me off, running his hand over his mouth. “You can’t even try to hang out with me and my friends, but you can run off with the same guy over and over again? I mean—Jesus, you’re not even showing me you care. I—what do you want me to think? Because, right now? I…it feels like you want to make me feel like shit. It really does.” 

There’s a burning defensive rage burning in my gut as I listen to his words. I am trying. Did me sticking by his side for so long not mean a thing? Was it pointless for me to even attempt to pitch into the conversation with his friends in the first place? 

But he’s right. I left. I left him alone when all he wanted was me to stick by his side. 

“I’m sorry, I—I’m trying, I really am. I…I understand why you’re upset, I really do—I’ll, I’ll try harder, okay?” My question washes over him with some sort of relief as I watch his eyes relax. “I’m really sorry I made you feel so…unimportant. I…I’m trying, but—I’ll try harder,” I say. 

His lips smack open and shut as his eyes flicker from my eyes to the couch cushions. “Okay,” he breathes. 

My body sinks further into the couch as my gut clenches with nerves. 

How the fuck do I try harder?

__________

“Try harder? I mean—what the fuck does he want?” Matt questions. 

I lift my shoulders in a slight shrug, clasping the warm cup in my hands as the cold wind brushes against the tip of my nose. 

“Like, stay by his side when he’s talking to his friends? Maybe? I…I don’t really know,” I stammer. 

The crunch of the leaves stutters in the silence from his steps. Looking over, I see Matt’s feet planted on the cement trail. Trees shroud behind him, mostly bare as the rusted orange foliage starts to fall. 

His face is furrowed with confusion and judgment. I shift in my place, tilting my head as I let out a sigh. “Matt, you—you don’t know everything–”

“I know enough. You do try. For fucks sake–even last night. You waited by his side like a fuckin’ puppy for how long? Yeah—no. I know enough to see how shitty he is. You….” 

A subtle pout tugs on my lips. The warmth in my hands feels heavier, the hot chocolate seeming to pull down with gravity as I grasp the cup tighter. 

“What, Matt?” I urge, curious and sour as I start down at his jeans. 

“You just…” he takes a couple steps forward. His hand rolls through his hair messily before falling on my shoulder and lazily rubbing down my arm. “You deserve better.” 

My eyes meet his for a moment. It’s like I can see myself in the way he looks at me—every part of my skin starts to buzz as I swallow thickly. 

This isn’t right. 

“Matt, I…just—stop. I,” his hand drops to his side disappointedly. He lets out a dry laugh, starting to walk forward as I take a couple steps to catch up to his side. 

“Whatever, tell yourself whatever you want, I guess. I’ll…I’ll be here, ya know,” he looks over at me, his eyes becoming gentle in their gaze as he breathes loudly. “Whatever happens, I’m here, okay?” he announces. 

“I—okay,” I agree. 

Our feet patter on the curving cement once again. Tall trees block the sun, the cool breeze intensifying as I clutch onto the hot chocolate in my hands tighter. 

“Ugh,” I groan. My head tilts uncomfortably with a wave of frustration. From the corner of my eye, I see Matt looking at me. He’s laughing. I can’t help but let my lips curl upwards at the sound of his boneless laugh—something I’ve never heard with anyone else besides him. 

“What’s up? You,” he snorts through while giggling between breaths, “---ya good there, sweetheart?” he remarks. 

Sweetheart.

It’s not in a genuine way. He’s joking. But–I can still feel the bitter wind bite against my flushing cheeks, a warmth crawling up my neck and behind my ears. 

By the sounds of his laugh echoing louder, I know he can see the hue on my face. The embarrassment makes my stomach curl into knots, my eyes looking to the side as I clench my teeth together. 

“Shut up, oh my god,” I say through my teeth. 

But—it only makes him laugh harder. 

I want to be mad, I want to keep a straight face so he doesn’t feel any sort of pride over a stupid fucking nickname. But, a laugh pushes through my lips as a smile spreads along my cheeks. 

He rubs over his squinted eyes, sighing tiredly before placing a hand on my shoulder. “I…I’m sorry. You—you’re just too fun to mess with sometimes,” he sighs out more giggles while looking down at me. I stare up at him with squinted eyes, trying to keep a blank face. “---sorry, sweetheart.” 

The vicious melody of giggles is somehow quieter. Matt leans over, resting his head on his hand that’s on my shoulder, leaning on me as his body shakes with laughter. 

“Matt, shut the fuck up.” 

My blunt words seem to make his body vibrate even further before he stands up tall, taking a deep breath while cupping my face in his hands. The wrinkles by his eyes makes my heart feel like it’s tingling. 

“Okay, okay—I really am sorry, I’ll stop,” he reassures. 

Nodding, a silence settles between us. His palms are warmth underneath my chin, his fingers swivel on my cheeks tenderly as I look up at him. 

I can’t explain the feeling. All I know is I want more of this moment—more of this sensation. The butterflies aren’t just in my stomach, they’re everywhere. I feel lightheaded from the amount of dizzying comfort. 

His hands aren’t clean. We had been looking at cool rocks, showing each other anything on the ground that excited us. I should be worried about the dirt possibly creating a blemish, but—I just don’t care. Not when I feel like this. 

“You…” his eyes drift over my face as his head tilts to the side. 

This is wrong. I shouldn’t feel like this. Not with here—not with him. 

I place my hand around his wrist, gently letting go as I watch it drop to his side. Matt lips falter in a displeased expression. He quickly shakes his head, out reaching a hand. “Sorry, here–” Taking the near empty cup from my hand, he throws it in a trash bin on the side of the trail. 

Why did I only have this feeling when I was with him? 

Hayden never made me feel like this, but maybe that was my own fault. Maybe I had put all this pressure on myself—that stupid title made everything feel so much harder. I’m his girlfriend. I have so much I’m supposed to do—supposed to feel—but it just didn’t work. 

Matt was a friend. Maybe the fact that there was no pressure was why it felt so…good. 

“Hey, wear these,” the knit material slides over my hands softly. I look down, seeing oversized mittens covering my fingers loosely. 

Shifting my eyes upwards, I smile at him. His tongue prods through his lips with concentration as he tucks the gloves in the sleeves of my sweatshirt. 

Why the fuck did he even have these gloves?

“Matt, how do you just have a pair of gloves? I—it’s fall! We live in California!” I remind. 

The second he peeps up at me with a sly smile and his hair ruffled messily, I feel myself melt. I didn’t have an issue admitting he was attractive—obviously people saw that. This was different. It wasn’t just how perfect his face looked, it was the emotion I felt from him staring into my eyes—the bursting emotion that made my tongue quiver on the roof of my mouth. 

“Because,” he squeezes my hands before dropping them lighty. “I know you. And—I know that your hands and feet are ice cubes half the time,” he huffs. 

He noticed. 

My poor body circulation wasn’t a new thing. I had dealt with it as long as I could remember. Well, I had just tred through life ignoring it to the best of my ability. Gloves were too hard to remember half the time and I didn’t see much of a point seemings how I had been so used to it by now. 

But, it felt good. It felt really good. 

I never had realized how much easier it made everything. My mind was more at ease without the frozen sharp pains in my knuckles. The air felt nicer. Everything just felt so…effortless. 

“Ya good, dollface?” 

The teasing nickname falling off his tongue makes me squint my eyes at him. Dollface. It was something we had talked about the first day we met—on the stairs, outside the party, with the cruel breeze. 

But, that stupid moment—it kept me up. In fact, it lingered so much on my mind that the day after when Hayden asked me to be his girlfriend…I almost said no. 

What would’ve happened if I had said no? 

What would be different?

I feel Matt slug his arm around me, pulling me into his side as we stride forward with imbalanced steps. “Does he compliment you enough?” he asks. 

My lips get stuck between my teeth. Clearing my throat, I let out a huff of air. “I don’t need compliments.” 

There’s an answer hidden in my reluctant words—he notices. I can tell Matt notices by the way he looks over at me while slowing down our steps. 

“I didn’t ask if you needed them. I…you deserve them. Remember what I told you the night we met?” He cocks an eyebrow with a soft smile at me. 

I remembered—I remembered it all too well. It was engraved in my mind everytime I looked in the mirror. His words didn’t just stick to me—they sunk into my skin. 

“I’m….--’m tryna not to scare you, but—god, you just—you’re a different kind of pretty. It’s like—well, I don’t even know how to describe it. But…I just…I’d never be able look away from you if you kept looking at me like that.” 

So vague and unclear, but it felt like the best dose of euphoric drugs created. There was just something about his words, something so gentle, so…effortless. It was like he couldn’t hold himself back from saying it. 

And that—that was something I couldn’t help myself from falling asleep thinking about. 

It wasn’t just the words or they way they fell from his lips. It was the way he looked at me. It was the way he made me feel just by looking at me. I never had someone look at me like that. And now…now I was scared. 

What if trying ‘harder’ means losing this? 

A/N: thank you so much for reading!

Leave a comment, let me know your thoughts!!! Any interaction is deeply appreciated <333

Comment on here or on my pinned post to be added to the taglist!!!

[strawberry-bubblef]

Zaunite reader x Savanaclaw

Request by anonymous: Maybe how about a headcanons with Yuu who is born and raised in Zaun? Most importantly how would cast reacts to Zaun's environment once Yuu trusts them enough to tell about it? (Or maybe cast would see for themselves somehow?)

Synopsis: You have always kept your past a secret, but as their relationships deepen, the truth about Zaun slowly unravels. A city of smog, struggle, and survival far from the world of NRC. How will their lover react to the harsh reality Yuu once called home? And more importantly, can they bring comfort to the one who endured it all?

Gender neutral reader

Warnings: ⚠Mentions of poverty, crime, substance abuse (shimmer), survival struggles, and environmental pollution. The setting of Zaun includes themes of danger, societal disparity, and rough living conditions. Reader's past involves hardships, but the story focuses on comfort, understanding, and romance.⚠

Heartslabyul,Savanaclaw,Octavinelle,Scarabia, Pomifiore,Ignihyde,Diasominia

Since you didn't specify her past,I'm just gonna assume that she's an orphan like 99% of the Zaunite cast.

Leona Kingscholar

Leona had always found it amusing how quickly you could mask your true feelings.

You weren’t one to wear your heart on your sleeve, which made you an enigma to him. Most people were easy to read,easy to predict. But you? You didn’t let much slip. And that intrigued him.

He liked that about you.

But that didn't stop him from noticing the little things. The way you always kept your distance in a crowd, how your gaze would sharpen when someone raised their voice, the subtle way you would position yourself to avoid being caught off guard.

It wasn't until he started pushing you a little more, testing the waters of your walls, that you finally let him in.

You told him about Zaun.

The toxic air that hung over the city, the constant hum of machinery, the sickly glow of the neon lights that painted everything in unnatural hues. You spoke of the gang-riddled streets, the people who fought for scraps, the ones who never made it out. You told him of the grim reality of life in Zaun,how you had learned early to survive or perish.

Leona didn't say anything at first. He just listened. And that, more than anything, was what made you feel safe enough to speak your truth.

When you finished, you were waiting for his usual teasing, for his carefree remarks. But instead, you found him silent, his golden eyes flickering in the dim light as he processed your words.

"That's a hell of a way to grow up," he muttered. His voice was low, deeper than usual. "Doesn't sound like much of a life."

You shrugged, trying to brush it off. "You get used to it."

"Yeah, well, that's the problem," he said, his voice rough. "No one should have to get used to something like that."

He didn’t press further. But you could tell that what you said had struck a chord with him. And for some reason, that made you feel lighter, like something had finally clicked between the two of you.

A few days later, Leona found himself standing on the streets of Zaun with you.

It wasn’t planned. In fact, he’d been dragged along more out of curiosity than anything else. But now that he was here, the place felt as oppressive as you’d described. The air was thick, heavy with the scent of smog and metal, the ground slick with rainwater that never quite seemed to wash the grime away.

The neon lights flickered above, casting an eerie glow on the streets that only seemed to highlight the decay around them. The people here moved with a kind of hardened grace, their faces masks of indifference as they passed by, too focused on survival to even acknowledge his presence.

Leona felt uncomfortable.

It wasn’t because of the people,they didn’t bother him. It was the sense of danger that hung in the air, the weight of the world pressing down on him in a way he hadn’t felt in a long time. He wasn’t used to feeling so… out of place.

But when he looked at you, moving through this chaos with a calm ease, it all made sense. This was your world.

He followed you, watching the way you maneuvered around the people in the streets, never rushing but always aware, always alert. You were a force in this environment, and it was something he couldn’t help but admire.

“You’re quiet,” you remarked after a while, glancing back at him.

Leona grunted. “It’s a little too... lively for my tastes.”

You smirked. “It’s not the place, it’s the people.”

“Yeah,” he muttered, his eyes scanning the surroundings. “They’ve got a way of looking at you like you’re already dead inside.”

You shrugged, though there was a shadow in your eyes. “Yeah. It’s hard to survive here if you let that stuff get to you.”

Leona’s gaze softened as he watched you.

You weren’t just surviving here. You were thriving. You moved through this city like it was a second skin, like the dangers it held had been there long enough to become a part of you.

Leona didn’t know what it was about you that made him feel both protective and deeply impressed. You weren’t the type to ask for help, never the type to lean on anyone, and yet here you were, carrying the weight of this city with grace.

"Hey," he said, stepping closer to you. "You ever think about leaving this place?"

You tilted your head, considering the question. "I don’t know. It’s home. It’s what I know."

“Yeah, but you deserve more than this,” he muttered, his words barely louder than a growl.

You stopped walking, turning to look at him. "I don’t need more. I’ve gotten by just fine with what I have."

Leona stared at you for a long moment, his golden eyes searching yours. Then, slowly, he reached out, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.

“Maybe. But I want you to have more. More than this.” His voice was softer now, almost a whisper. “You deserve a life where you don’t have to fight every single damn day just to stay alive.”

Your heart skipped a beat at the sincerity in his voice.

For the first time since you had arrived, you felt a wave of something warm rush over you. You didn’t know how to explain it, but with Leona by your side, Zaun didn’t feel quite as dark.

“Leona…” you began, but your voice faltered.

He gave you a small, rare smile, stepping even closer. "I know you don’t need me. But I’ll always be here, no matter what."

And just like that, the walls you had so carefully built up seemed to crumble.

You were still in Zaun, still surrounded by the familiar chaos, but now, with Leona by your side, you knew you didn’t have to face it alone.

Leona’s hand found yours, his grip tight and reassuring.

“You don’t have to do everything on your own, you know,” he said softly. “Not with me around.”

And for the first time in a long while, you felt like you had a future.

One where you didn’t have to survive, but where you could truly live.

Jack Howl

Jack had always admired your resilience.

You were strong, stubborn, and independent,qualities he could respect. From the moment he met you, he could tell you were different. There was something about the way you carried yourself, the way your eyes always seemed sharp and calculating, as if you were used to expecting the worst.

But it wasn’t until you finally trusted him enough to talk about your past that he truly understood why.

Zaun wasn’t just rough. It was brutal.

You told him about the constant struggle to survive, the polluted air that poisoned the lungs of those who couldn't afford to escape it, the crime-infested streets where trust was a rare commodity. You spoke of the shimmer addicts, the gang wars, the people who disappeared without a trace.

Jack was quiet for a long time after you told him. He didn’t pity you,he knew you wouldn’t want that. But he did feel a deep, simmering frustration.

How could anyone be forced to grow up in a place like that?

“You never should’ve had to live like that,” he finally said, his voice firm. “It’s not fair.”

You gave him a small, almost bitter smile. “Life isn’t fair, Jack. You just learn to deal with it.”

His ears twitched in irritation, but he didn’t argue. He knew better than anyone that words alone wouldn’t change reality.

But that didn’t mean he had to like it.

Then, one day, Jack found himself standing in Zaun.

You hadn’t planned to bring him here, but circumstances had led to it. Maybe it was fate, or maybe it was just bad luck. Either way, he was seeing your world with his own eyes, and he hated every second of it.

Everything about the city put him on edge. The air was thick with pollution, making his sharp nose twitch in discomfort. The streets were damp, slick with filth, and the people moved with a hardened wariness that reminded him of scavengers.

It wasn’t just dirty. It was hostile.

Every corner smelled of danger. He caught the scent of blood, chemicals, and something sickly sweet that made his hackles rise. His instincts screamed at him to be alert, to stay close to you.

But you?

You looked completely at ease.

Jack watched as you navigated the streets with the confidence of someone who had done this a million times. You knew when to speed up, when to slow down, when to avoid certain alleys. You carried yourself with the sharp awareness of a survivor.

And that made his chest ache.

You shouldn’t have to be like this. You shouldn’t have to carry yourself like prey avoiding predators.

He clenched his fists, his tail stiff behind him as his golden eyes flicked around. He didn’t trust anyone here. Every stranger that walked too close, every shadow that moved suspiciously,it all put him on high alert.

Then, you stopped walking and turned to look at him.

“You don’t have to be so tense,” you said, amused. “I told you, I know my way around.”

Jack frowned. “Yeah, well, I don’t like it.”

You raised an eyebrow. “What part?”

“All of it,” he admitted, his ears flattening slightly. “This place… it’s dangerous. It’s not right that you had to grow up here.”

You sighed, crossing your arms. “It is what it is, Jack. I survived. That’s what matters.”

His eyes softened, but his expression remained firm. “You shouldn’t have had to ‘just survive.’ You deserve better than that.”

Something in his tone made your chest tighten.

Jack wasn’t saying this because he pitied you. He was saying it because he cared. Because he wanted you to have something more, something safer, something better.

You looked down at your hands, feeling a warmth spread through you that had nothing to do with the neon lights around you.

“…You really think so?” you asked quietly.

Jack let out a small huff, stepping closer. “Of course I do.” His voice was gentler now. “You’re strong, Y/N. You’ve been through a lot, but that doesn’t mean you have to carry everything alone.”

His hand found yours, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

“You don’t have to be alone,” he murmured. “Not anymore.”

You felt your heart stutter.

For so long, you had relied only on yourself. But now, standing in the place that had shaped you,where survival had always been the priority,you realized that, with Jack, maybe you didn’t have to fight alone anymore.

Maybe, for the first time, you had someone who truly had your back.

And that thought?

It was more comforting than anything else in the world.

Ruggie Bucchi

Ruggie had always been good at reading people.

It was a survival skill,something he had picked up back in the slums of the Afterglow Savanna. He knew how to spot the difference between someone who had grown up comfortable and someone who had fought for every scrap of food they ever ate.

And from the moment he met you, he knew you were the latter.

You had the same sharp instincts, the same guarded way of carrying yourself, the same look in your eyes,one that told him you had seen things most people wouldn’t understand.

But he didn’t press. He knew what it was like to have a past that wasn’t meant for casual conversation.

So he waited.

And eventually, you told him.

Zaun was nothing like the Savanna, but struggle was struggle, and Ruggie knew the weight of it all too well. He listened as you spoke about the city buried beneath Piltover, its polluted air, its streets filled with desperation and danger. He listened to how you had learned to survive,not because you wanted to, but because you had to.

And for once, Ruggie didn’t have anything clever to say.

He just sat there, processing your words, his ears twitching as he mulled over everything you had been through.

Then, in a voice quieter than usual, he muttered, “Man… you really had it rough, huh?”

You scoffed. “Says the guy who grew up in a place where food was a luxury.”

“Hey, at least I had fresh air,” he pointed out, nudging you with his elbow. “That’s gotta count for something.”

You chuckled, but there was a heaviness in your gaze that didn’t fade. Ruggie noticed. He always noticed.

So, without another word, he reached over and ruffled your hair.

“Don’t get all gloomy on me,” he said, flashing you that signature mischievous grin. “You made it out, didn’t ya? And now you’ve got me.”

You rolled your eyes. “Lucky me.”

“Damn right.”

That was that.

But then, somehow, Ruggie ended up in Zaun with you.

Maybe it was curiosity. Maybe it was a dumb decision. Either way, he found himself standing in the middle of the undercity, ears twitching at every little sound, his nose wrinkling at the thick, chemical-laced air.

“…Okay,” he muttered. “I get it now.”

The place reeked.

And it wasn’t just the pollution. It was the feeling of the city,the weight of it pressing down on him. The way people moved, the way they barely glanced at him before looking away like they were already calculating whether he was worth the trouble.

It reminded him of home.

Not in a good way.

“You’re staring,” you said, amused.

Ruggie blinked, shaking himself out of his thoughts. “Yeah, well… I’m just thinkin’.”

“About?”

He stuffed his hands into his pockets, walking a little closer to you. “How the hell did you survive here?”

You shrugged. “Same way you survived in the Savanna. You adapt, you find ways to get by. You do what you have to.”

Ruggie was quiet for a moment, his tail flicking behind him.

Then, suddenly, he grinned.

“Bet you ran some real good scams here,” he said, nudging you playfully. “C’mon, tell me you at least pulled off some fun tricks.”

You smirked. “A few.”

“Knew it.” He chuckled, shaking his head. “You and me, we’re not so different, huh?”

You tilted your head. “Because we both had rough childhoods?”

“Nah,” he said, flashing you a sharp grin. “Because we both know how to win.”

You stared at him for a moment before laughing.

It wasn’t often that someone could understand what it meant to grow up fighting for every little victory. But Ruggie? He got it.

He didn’t pity you. He didn’t act like you needed saving. He just understood.

And, somehow, that made everything feel a little lighter.

Ruggie stretched his arms above his head, sighing. “Welp, as much as I’d love to stick around, this place is a little too grimy for my taste.”

“You’re one to talk.”

“Hey, hey, I’ve got standards,” he said, wiggling his ears. “Besides, I like your dorm way better. Way less chance of gettin’ jumped.”

You raised an eyebrow. “Scared, Bucchi?”

Ruggie grinned. “Nah. Just got better things to do.”

He reached over and tugged you closer by the wrist, his grip surprisingly gentle.

“Like takin’ you somewhere nicer,” he murmured.

Your heart skipped a beat.

You huffed, trying to play it off. “Oh? And where’s that?”

Ruggie smirked. “Anywhere, as long as I’m with ya.”

And just like that, the weight of Zaun seemed to fade,just a little.

Because with Ruggie by your side, even the darkest places didn’t feel so bad.

English is not my first language !

[tarotofhope]

PAC: ♡ Channelled Love Songs from your Current/Future Romantic Partner ♡

(Please Read My Pinned post *IMPORTANT NOTE* before selecting a Pile)

🎶 All dividers on this blog are provided by @uzmacchiato 🎶

Masterlist | Paid Services

Pick an Image by meditating and selecting the image you feel called to. You can be attracted towards more than 1 image. If you are not able to select maybe this reading isn't for you.

(You can find all the songs mentioned in the Piles on SPOTIFY. Unfortunately Tumblr only allows 10 audio links per post🥲)

Pile 1

Songs - Aaya Jado Da by Asees Kaur

Screen Time by Epik High ft. Hoshi

Don't Forget To Breathe by Aaryan Shah

Welcome to your reading, Pile 1. First of all, lot of green ink occured in your pile. Your partner seems very caring, nurturing and protective of you. They might be a very caring and loving person themselves, very protective of their belongings and loved ones. They like to have a quick check on you(like not in a toxic or negative way). They want to know you better and your little quirks. They genuinely care about your well being. They might be very cautious, structured, organised individual, a fitness freak as well. They seem kind of very picky, they don't open up to just anybody, they might have very few close friends. They're mostly not interested in flings and one-night stands. They take relationships seriously so they'll only jump into it when they see some real value in it. This person is like a 'husband/wife material' person or atleast a long term partner. This also seems like a long distance relationship to me or getting into a relationship after a series of personal hardships when you've become very mature either age-wise or experience-wise.

So, that's all I got for you, my dear Pile 1.

Hope you're with this person or find this person soon 😉

Hope, light, love and peace to you..🌸🌼🌻

Pile 2

Songs - Talk About Love by Callum Beattie

Seven- Clean Version by Jungkook

Tenu Khabar Nahi by Arijit Singh

Welcome to your reading, Pile 2. Have you guys currently been in separation or broken up with your partner? This could be a recent past energy as well. See, now this also looks like an ex's energy(I don't like to go into this topic because it creates unnecessary confusion but it appeared in the reading so I had to) and whether ex or not, if you strictly don't want this person back into your life, you must then very well know that you've ended up for good and you don't need to allow this person back or this pile totally isn't for you, you should select another pile. One thing is prominent though, one of you has done something bad to the another person..and that was the main reason for your guys' separation. I'm nobody to judge you guys, you know yourselves better. Well, whoever this person is, they want to reconcile with you or you're currently reconciling already. It could be a different case for everyone choosing this pile. It could be so that this person or both of you might still have feelings for each other. This person wants to make things better or do things right. There is a promise of not making the same mistakes again. This person is asking for another chance. Now, you need to decide for yourselves, what's good for you and what's not. It's totally up to you.

That's all I see in the cards for you, my dear Pile 2.

Hope, light, love and peace to you..🌸🌼🌻

Pile 3

Songs - Tera Mera Hai Pyar Amar by Ahmed Jahanzeb

I'm Gonna Love You by D.O. ft. Wonstein

Can't Help Falling In Love by Elvis Presley

Welcome to your reading, Pile 3. This person looks so in love. But more so, this person is very sure of you, there feelings are very intense, too. As they are saying, that it's so easy to fall in love with you, either it's a love at first sight situation or there is a certain clarity about choosing you/about wanting to continue further with you. Nothing can change their mind about you. They are giving me strong future spouse energy because they just want to take you away as soon as possible. So, they'll be very assertive in their approach towards you in the courtship period itself. I also think that they'll be the first one to approach you if you've not met this person already. They'll make sure that you know they are not just fooling around, that you're in for a very long ride. They'll also want to make sure that you too, feel the same way for them before going very far because they want it all or nothing. They'll definitely try to win your heart over, Pile 3.

That's all I got for you, dear Pile 3.

Hope, light, love and peace to you..🌼🌸🌻

Pile 4

Songs - Young And Beautiful by Lana Del Rey

Every Second by Baekhyun from EXO (Record of

Youth OST- 3)

Aadat Se Majboor by Benny Dayal

Welcome to your reading, Pile 4. This person might be a heart-throb. Popular person energy(for their work or looks). Everybody swoons over them. Their energy is quite charming and charismatic. They are bold, fun loving and outgoing, life of the party kind of person. You both might be quite the opposite of each other. They will be very confident in their approach. They might just be nervous about how to woo you because you are different from others and they don't want to make any mistake. They don't want to look like a creep. If you've already met this person or in a relationship, you know. They are someone who'll totally make a fool out of themselves to make you laugh. They love to see you smile and laugh but also, you don't laugh a lot, it seems. There seems to be a lot of people who are sexually attracted to them, but they choose you because you are special to them, you're not like the others according to them. They might've got their heart broken a couple times earlier due to which they're afraid of losing you but that's not going to be the case because they're sure of one thing that you're very firm in your decisions, rock solid and you won't run away when life gets bad. You guys are going to be like a power couple, each helping the other person where they are lacking, each completing the other.

So, that's all I got for you, my dear Pile 4.

Hope, light, love and peace to you..🌻🌼🌸

Pile 5

Pile 5

Songs - Lover by Taylor Swift

Spider By Hoshi

Tere Mast Mast Do Nain by Rahat Fateh Ali Khan

Welcome to your reading, Pile 5. Your person seems very Venusian(very lovey-dovey, full of charm, likes fine art) and Neptunian(very dreamy) to me, a hopeless romantic even. Some of you might also be attracted to Pile 4, because this pile has got some similar vibes. They are magnetic, could also be popular for something that they do, something that only they create. They have a good taste in music as well, could be a musician or they like to play musical instruments. Dancing and singing could be their hobby or talent. They are also someone who knows flirting like the back of their hand. It comes naturally to them, sometimes they don't even know that they're flirting. They might also like good food and fine-dining, might also love to cook. You might not like this person in the beginning because you think they're a flirt and they don't look serious, but you'll eventually start liking them because they're not what they seem from the outside. It is giving me the vibes of 'One fell in love first, but the other one fell harder.' Their heart is so pure and innocent. They'll woo you with their heart, Pile 5. You seem like a tough nut to crack to them, someone who's hard to get. I also think you've got pretty eyes and a resting b**** face. They love it. There's going to be a playful banter between you guys. Everything will be worth it in the end.

So, that's all I've got for you, my dear Pile 5.

Hope, light, love and peace to you..🌻🌼🌸

Thank you so much for being here. I post PAC readings every Tuesday and Friday. Do love and support by reblogging, liking or following.

——————————— ♡ ♡ ♡ ———————————

[astra-ravana]

Tips, Fun Facts & Guidelines: From The Grimoire Of Deathful Wombs

☠If you summon a spirit for one purpose, abandon that purpose once the spirit manifests, and then ask for something else instead, the spirit will be furious. Making an additional request impromptu can go alright, so long as the additional request is not too much of a tangent from the original request.

☠The Ars Goetia, which contains 72 demons, was a rewrite of an older grimoire containing 69 spirits. The Ars Goetia included four additional demons and excluded one named Pruflas. 72 relates to the muliebral current of magickal energy, total magickal empowerment, and the Ophidian (draconian/serpentine) current.

☠If you disrespect the demons thoroughly enough, they might attack you, even to the point of having deathly intent. Even when that happens, it is still entirely possible for the deities to forgive you and continue to further your ascent.

☠Forgiveness is easy to get from most spirits, but sometimes forgiveness is partial. Articulated apologies and offerings both make forgiveness easier to get, and making spiritual progress is a big way to regain their favor.

☠Each of us will resonate better with some demons than others from the very beginning of our work. This is based partially upon the idiosyncracies of our physis- you will get the strongest manifestations by working with a demon whose physis is comparable to yours. Invocations of various demons will help you identify which types of spirits you resonate with. The ones most divorced from your physis will be difficult to invoke. By deliberately working with those spirits, you have become gradually attuned to their physis. Not only will this give you the ability to effectively access greater portions of the Numinous, it will strengthen the weak points in your spirituality and balance your own physis. The more balanced your energy is, the more powerful it is.

☠All the deities have their own character, preferences, values, etc. Ra hates psychic vampyres to the extent that he is liable to attack entire covens of them unprovoked, but Tiamat, Qingu, and Absu all love vampyres and are quite interested in their success, evolution, and well-being. Shugara judges people based on character, deeds, and potential. Samael is more strict than most deities.

☠You don't get over shit, you get through it- grieve normally. If you still have an emotional attachment to a bad memory, that means there's something about it you still haven't processed. Spells for emotional healing don't make you weak, they just allow you to cooperate with the spirits who care about you. To rephrase that last sentence: team work makes a dream work.

☠Refuse to distance yourself from the persons and spirits important to you during times of hardship- that's one of the worst things you can do.

☠Do not neglect your own well-being and mundane life for magick. The spiritual high can distract you from your outside life and incline you to procrastinate and neglect your obligations.

☠You'd ve surprised how early in your life certain spirits may have had their eyes on you. Your relationships with them may go back to past lives and/or activities between incarnations. Don't let it bother you if you aren't one of these cases.

☠If spirits call you a fool, that means you're doing the right thing: exploring unfamiliar territory. The Fool symbolizes the initiation process, as does Death. Death also symbolizes change and transformation.

☠Entities who are of a similar spiritual nature to yours or which share the disposition of your personality, will be easier for you to sense, see, hear, channel, evoke, and invoke. There are many factors defining the nature of your personal spiritual make-up, including the state of your alignment with various planetary forces, your Zodiac sign and its alchemical element, your attunement to various types of spiritual energy, and the position of your personality on the spectrum from feminine traits to masculine.

☠Some spirits have their own signature ways to give omens to the magician- Shugara uses the rain, Surgat tampers with locks, and so forth. Omens oftentimes simply serve to either let the witch know the spirit is interested in them or assure the witch of their presence. It's not too uncommon for spirits to hide your shit, appear in clouds, etc.

☠As far as I know, no perfect or omnipotent beings exist.

☠The gods destroy people all the time. Sometimes this can be so subtle that a magickal adept can be destroyed by a deity and think that it's helping them the whole time.

☠If a spirit tells you something you already know or reminds you to do something you already planned on doing, they're doing it for a reason.

☠Offerings do not have to be given during ritual, and you'd be surprised how many different types of viable offerings there are. You can offer fur shed by your pets to a demon (burn it). Fresh picked flowers can be an offering- so can sharing your meal or drink. Incense and lit candles used in ritual can serve as offerings.

☠Demons require offerings for sustenance, but they will only demand them of you if you did something wrong- unless a given offering is simply necessary for a ritual.

☠Ask the demon what they call themselves. If necessary, ask them to explain the symbolism of that title.

☠Consuming part of an offering to a deity takes the essence of that entity into your being.

☠Most practitioners of demon magick have a matron and/or patron demon. When a spirit offers to fill this role, make it official with a personally designed ritual.

☠Refusing to speak about a rite will greatly increase its power, but speaking about it isn't the end of the world.

☠If a deity asks why it should fulfill your request, the right answer is always something to the effect of, "I just wanted your help". Anything else is technically a lie. Lying to a spirit about why you want what you want is a huge mistake, but even the most trustworthy spitits may lie to you about certain things either for your own benefit, to prevent you from knowing a truth you are not ready for, or even just to patronize you. This does not count as hypocrisy on their part- deity-human interactions are a special case.

☠You'll end up looking back at problems you could've solved with black magick.

☠Chances are that whether or not human or animal sacrifice is immoral depends entirely on whether or not it is immoral to kill the person of animal in the first place.

☠Demons hate child abusers.

☠Destructive magick "thins the veil", furthering the alchemical refinement of our universe.

☠Love and lust are very magickally powerful, and sexual interactions with a deity increase your energetic rapport with them.

☠Drawing one of the Goetic sigils is often enough to get the attention of the demon it's attributed to. The demon may even manifest while the sigil is being drawn. Simply looking at any given sigil can make the sigil more powerful permanently. It is even possible to subconsciously activate a sigil by looking at it- this is not a bad thing, nor does it mean that you're being vampyrized by whoever designed the sigil.

☠Some demons think less of you when you think less of yourself. If this becomes a problem with a spirit, tell them you're trying to fix whatever problems you have and ask for assistance.

☠Force yourself to be confident about the effects of a rite during, before, and after its performance.

☠If a particular spirit fills you with intrigue and/or excitement, this means they want to interact with you.

☠When a spirit manifests to give you instructions or warnings, the advice is often as simple as, "do this". "Pay more attention to your surroundings". "Don't trust this person". If a demon tella you things like this, the advice is often necessary for your well-being in your immediate situation. If you plan on doing a rite in the next couple hours and a spirit suddenly tells you to do it at 10:30 specifically, you might find that this is necessary to avoid a grave intrusion.

☠Unless you specifically expect a demon to adhere to its recorded appearance, it will often assume a form hither to unrecorded, even to the extent of changing genders.

☠Even spirits renowned to be the most harsh, demanding, cruel etc. often turn out to have a kinder side.

☠You should only offer your blood to the most important spirits in your path- always seek the guidance of your matron/patron and/or higher self before you offer your blood to a nre spirit. Once you offered blood to a spirit, they are always with you, and their ability to influence you increases. This does not mean that they will take control of you at some point the way people infer. Any amount of blood offered is sufficient to create this connection, and offering more blood later will not strengthen the connection.

☠Cemeteries are great places for demon magick- just don't use them without guidance.

☠Do not think demons are limited to their recorded ranks and attributions.

☠The more you work with, pray to, meditate on, and research an entity, the stronger your energetic rapport with them grows. Generally speaking, when you are thinking of a demon, it is thinking of you.

☠The idea of historical facts is a relatively new invention. Mythical stories often served to contain truth instead of fact. Imagine that a given mythological figure is recorded to have given his last piece of food to a stranger. Such a story would most likely not be intended to relate a specific and factual historical event. Instead, such a story might just serve to convey the mythological figure's generosity.

[system-of-an-up]

🫂🫂🫂🫂

nobody talks about the feeling when you just need your long distance best friend

[uyuforu]

Astrology Theory: Union Composite Chart

This theory is based on the Union Asteroid (1585). When adding two people Union PC together as a Composite, you'll get a Composite of your Union Persona Charts. It's a theory that may show how you will meet. Theory tested on couples. To do it, you need to take your Union PC's date + timing, apply it as a date data on Astrodienst, do the same thing with your person's Union PC. Then take both of those datas and apply it with Composite Chart.

All pictures were found on Pinterest

Other posts you could like:

જ⁀➴ Juno Persona Chart as your love Story

જ⁀➴ Union Persona Chart I

જ⁀➴ How will your Future Spouse propose to you?

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༘⋆✮⋆ Sun 11H could mean meeting on social media, online, on some apps, or just related to technologies. Could also be related to meeting because of friends.

༘⋆✮⋆ Sun 6H can be a sign of meeting at work, during your both daily routine, something related to health as well. You could meet one day casually.

༘⋆✮⋆ Sun Scorpio 5H can be a sign of meeting and have a big crush on each other, but you could keep it for years.

༘⋆✮⋆ Sun Libra 6H could mean you are each other's work crush, you could also have a sort of love at first sight, be interested in each other romantically right away.

༘⋆✮⋆ Sun Scorpio 11H could mean you could meet through private DM, private message online.

༘⋆✮⋆ Sun conjunct Mercury could mean you could meet online, somewhere people talk a lot, a sociable place, you could also talk a lot when you meet, laugh, exchange ideas, etc.

༘⋆✮⋆ Sun Libra 8H could mean you could meet and have a big secret crush on each other, cheating COULD be involved.

༘⋆✮⋆ Saturn 12H means there can be distance or long term hardships after meeting. It can take a long time for your two to be together.

༘⋆✮⋆ Moon 1H can mean you can see each other as very sweet, you can feel quite comfortable when you first encounter, you can also feel like you are at home with each other. You can feel safe together when you first encounter.

༘⋆✮⋆ Venus 12H could mean you'll have feelings for each other but keep them hidden for a reason. Not wanting to show you love each other/ have a crush on each other.

༘⋆✮⋆ Saturn 2H could mean you could share hardships, you could know a lot about what you both struggle with in your personal life.

╰┈➤ Get your own Union Persona Chart for 25€ ⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪

༘⋆✮⋆ Mercury 6H means you'll speak daily after meeting each other.

༘⋆✮⋆ Neptune 7H COULD be an indicator of cheating.

༘⋆✮⋆ Chiron 7H means there will be hardships coming together as a couple.

༘⋆✮⋆ Jupiter 8H could mean you could officially get together in secret, very intimate.

༘⋆✮⋆ Jupiter 11H could mean you could get together while still talking online, you could have along distance relationship and mostly text and call.

༘⋆✮⋆ Jupiter conjunct Uranus could mean you could mean you could end up together in the most unexpected way.

༘⋆✮⋆ Jupiter conjunct Neptune could mean not seeing how you'll be together, or not seeing right away you'll end up together.

༘⋆✮⋆ Jupiter 10H could mean getting together as directly something more serious, such as proposing.

༘⋆✮⋆ Uranus 1H means how you see each other will eventually change from the first time you meet to after you meet.

༘⋆✮⋆ Neptune 1H could mean you could have prejudices about each other when you meet.

Thank you for reading!

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back to index ; ask ; request ; rules

[sapphicautumn]

hii :) i have a request for hbo ellie williams, could you write a fic where reader feels insecure and is worried about ellie leaving her but ellie comforts her and reassures her and its all sweet and fluffy

This is soooo sweet! thanks for the idea anon, hope this does some justice!

I'm Your Baby. E.W

Synopsis: Ellie and you have been dating for almost 7 months now, and living in Jackson as a queer couple still faces its hardships, especially when Ellie isn't one for PDA: it only leaves you wondering if the relationship is mutual.

Pairing: Established relationship. HBO!Ellie x Fem!reader. WLW couple.

Warnings: fluff? love? all of the above?

this is wlw. no men. thank u!

Ellie didn't know what was going on with you. The 7 month anniversary of your relationship was approaching, and something was just off.

You used to greet her at the door when she would come back from patrol, even feed her food. The last week or so? nothing. It almost appeared as if you were distancing yourself purposefully.

She went through the mental list of things she could have possibly done to piss you off. "dishes..? trash..? do i smell?" hmm...no. Ellie's been good on girlfriend duty, so with each moment she doesn't know whats up your ass, the worse it starts to bother her.

You, on the other hand, have knack for getting in your head about every little thing. Communication? not great at it, which Ellie knew, but you both agreed that you would try.

Well, how could you try, when your own girlfriend doesn't even want you!.....or so you tell yourself.

The idea sprouted a few days back, when a night at the Tipsy Bison with friends would lead to you overanalyzing. Sat next to her, Ellie's arm slid away from you. the fuck??

Your pouty eyes scanned around. oh.

Seth was walking in. Of course, he made the both of you uncomfy. Hes been loud and proud, vocal all day long about his opinions on your "unnatural" way of life. aka lesbianism.

Now, a normal person would have asked right away what the issue was. nope, you dragged it out, and walked your feet all the way back home with Ellie, a whole 5 steps ahead.

"baby..." Ellie cooed

nothing. you kept walking.

"babbbyyyy.....?" she'd call a bit louder, smiling with tease. "is there a race to get home I don't know about?"

"im just tired!!" you frowned, letting your girlfriend catch up with you. Her hand rubbing your lower back. "thats all?"

"yup."

she trusted you.

but you were still beginning to grow insecure as the days went on. You felt you had every reason to. On Tuesday, you worked in the stables. The brown comb gently ran through the horses mane as your glanced beside you.

Outside of the gate, Ellie and Dina stood together and spoke, and normally this wouldn't bother you, but given the already tight circumstances, you almost burst out crying.

Of course Ellie would want Dina, she is beautiful, they get along well and everything. You turned your attention to shimmer, pressing your forehead against the animals head. "what do i do, shim?" your voice was a mumble.

You couldn't help but glance out once more, seeing Dina hug your girlfriend before leaving. Fuck.

You had officially come to terms with the fact Ellie maybe didn't want you. What if she left you for Dina? She felt comfortable hugging her in public and not you?

The situation came to a head the next night, when Ellie came back from visiting Joel across the town. It was late, but not that late. She saw your curled up, concealed figure under the plaid bedsheets.

Upon taking her boots off at the door, she walked over and sat on the edge, her hand rubbing your arm. "hey...?"

"mmmphm" your voice was whiny, muffled into the beige pillow.

Ellie sighed, biting the inside of her cheek before speaking. "wanna tell me whats going on?"

"nothing"

A slight smirk spread across her face in thought before jumping onto your laid form, she giggled and pulled the sheet down, peppering kisses on your face.

"h-hey! no!" you tried to push her off, your own eyes looking up and meeting her brown, doe ones as she straddled you. "ellie...cmon-"

"nooo...I know something is wrong baby....why dont you talk to me, huh? did I do something? make ya mad?"

......."yes" your eyebrows scrunched, slight hesitation and nervousness evident.

Tilting her head, the brunettes face softened, obviously becoming concerned now/ "oh, alright...well" she took you hand, playing with it. "can I know what, specifically?"

"as if you dont know!" your voice was kinda louder than before, you couldn't help it. You saw her face scrunch, could tell she was running through the past few days, trying to find out what happened herself. With you taking a breath, you start again, calmer.

"Im sorry."

She nodded, "its ok..." her tone was quiet, but confused.

"look i- ...I just have been in this mood, this mental mind space the past few days. Ive been feeling....worried about our relationship."

"you wanna break up?" Ellies face was mortified, her own worries showing through.

"what??? no! but you probably do!"

Shaking her head, getting whiplash, she responded. "what do you mean 'I probably do'? You think I wanna break up wit- what??"

You frowned, yanking your hand away from hers. "Just admit you want Dina or some shit, I saw you two hugging. You are always talking with her, and I just can't take it anymore!"

Ellie stared at you, speechless. Suddenly she burst out laughing and collapsed beside you on the bed, throwing her hand over her chest.

Your frowned, nudging her. "yeah? glad thats so fucking funny to you"

"babe, baby, my love...my sweetheart" ellie cooed, collecting her laughs and hoisting herself up on her elbow to glance down at you. "I dont want Dina" her words came out with an exhale, eyes almost rolling as she scrunched her eyebrows up, as if what shes saying is the most obvious piece of knowledge.

"but...youre always all over her. Hugging her...being nice...eye fucking.."

"I hug her, thats about it. She's my friend, my love. I don't like anyone the way I like you....." her tone softens, "and i'm sorry if that wasn't obvious." her hand picks your up, interlocking your fingers as she keeps her eyes on yours, guilt filling her features.

"well then why dont you ever hug me around other people? or touch me, or kiss-"

"because I didnt wanna scare you off, or make you..uncomfortable?"

"why would you scare me?"

Ellie smiles shyly, sitting up against the headboard. "because...we've only been dating a while, and I guess we never really discussed what is ok and what isnt."

"ellie" you deadpan, "you can touch me in public, you know that"

"no I didnt. I know some people in town arent the nicest, and I dont wanna be the reason youre feeling unsafe."

You sigh, squeezing your hands together as you kiss it. "you could have asked me first"

"..well...same with you dumbass"

You roll your eyes and lay on your stomach, hiding in the pillow. Ellie rubs your back, hips. "Im sorry baby"

"i'm sorry too" you muffled.

Ellie smirks before crawling, laying down so her chest is against your back, giggles mixing with yours. "my sweet girl...youre the only one stupid enough to put up with my shit. I love you....Why the hell would I look anywhere else?"

You turned your head, watching the wall as you laid against the pillow. "you love me..?"

She cooed an answer.

"I love you too....i'll try to be more open. Im just really possesive"

"oh, oh I know" she giggles, peppering kisses along the back of your clothed shoulder.

"that's what I like about you, crazy."

<3

[deoboyznet]

heads up! check out izzy's new piece! pls remember to reblog as always <3

i'm home | tbz lee sangyeon

» ​PAIRING: tbz lee sangyeon x gn!reader (please tell me if i made a mistake!)​ » TROPE/AU​: established relationship au!, long-distance relationship au!, non-idol au! » GENRE​: loving boyfriend sangyeon, very supportive sangyeon, fluffy fluff, bit of angst (ok, maybe more than a 'bit'), comfort comfort and...comfort » WORD COUNT: 4625 » ESTIMATED READING TIME: ~17 mins » WARNINGS (lmk if i missed anything!): mention of religion once, proofread once, workplace hardships navi/masterlist!! 🤍

i was a little bit nervous about posting this, especially since it was very rushed! sorry, i didn't plan this well 🥹 nothing came up till the last minute 😞 def didn't freak out or anything— 🤠 i'm gonna hype myself up and think this is fine considering i was racing against the clock (which i didn't manage to beat 😞) and have study to do (exams who? nov 9 who?).

but first of all to me: i know you rejected a lot of opportunities, drowned yourself in a lot of regrets, and i understand that planes are scary for you. i hope that you will find a reason soon to finally see the world like your younger self was dying to do. you were so close to doing it in july and i'm so proud of that first step. keep going, okay?

and! to you @winterchimez...i don't think there are any words needed. welcome home, soulmate! 🫂

Nothing will ever feel as much at home to you as Sangyeon could ever be.

You knew this the moment you told him about how you got the opportunity to work overseas. You remember when it felt like you were fighting endlessly with yourself. Around two years ago, after your weekly date, a loving kiss on your lips and the way Sangyeon would flash you that endearing smile, you thought that everything would be fine. You pushed, what you thought, to be a slim chance that you would be able to work overseas to the back of your mind. At first, you felt crushed about the video interview that you messed up, stuttering and using filler words while you internally scolded yourself for not preparing answers to simple job interview questions. Your head was overloaded with information between things to say and not to say, what would be the best answer and how to play your cards right. In the end, as soon as you pressed the red button on the video call interview, you reached out for your phone to call the first person on your call logs.

Sangyeon remembers that video call, the line of tears cascading down your cheeks as you vent your feelings out. He always waited for you to finish your sentences, nodding along to your words and giving affirming body language to show that he was actively following. Along your stream of words, you didn’t realise that Sangyeon stepped outside in the cold air, his phone at a new low angle and the lights from the buildings were the only reason why you were still able to see his smile across the screen.

“Wait…why are you outside? Where are you going?” You grabbed the new box of tissues from your bedside table, ripping the top part of the box with the dashed lines to help you retrieve a new paper instantly.

“Just grabbing some things.” Sangyeon leisurely answers, bringing the camera closer to his puckering lips, “I’m sure you did amazing, baby. Don’t worry too much, alright? And if you didn’t make it, then I’m sure God has other plans for you.”

You both continue talking over the phone, wiping your eyes, drinking a ton of water and burying yourself underneath the blanket as Sangyeon continues his little errand run. Soon enough, you finally understood why the phone was tilted upwards towards the sky and why Sangyeon didn’t show the things he bought—all the usual things that he would share with you during his random, night errand runs like this one. 

It was when he finally brought the phone up to be in line with his face that you recognised the familiar street background that he was walking in. You gasped, throwing your blanket to the floor, and opening the door suddenly to face your parents who looked at you with shocked eyes. They couldn’t even voice out any of their thoughts because you were out the front door as fast as you exited your bedroom door.

Knowing well that you found out about his plan, Sangyeon made a final sprint for your house, the contents inside the plastic bag ruffles and his earphones your excited laughs and words fill his earphones, mixed in with some of your still sniffling sounds from the devastating earlier events.

That night wasn’t the first time that Sangyeon would run over to you with no notice or hesitation but Sangyeon had been going through a tough time with his personal life and you didn’t know that he would still be able to have such energy to take care of you. It’s a miracle that you were able to still go on dates that these days would be impossible to plan. That night was a reminder to you, especially with the way that he lowered his lower body down, wrapped his arms around your waist, and lifted you as he buried his face into the crook of your neck, that you really love your boyfriend and that he has always been your number one supporter.

In his arms, with some final tears that Sangyeon wiped away delicately from your still-red cheeks, you were sure that everything would be fine. 

Your tears started because you were stressed but it ended with comfort.

But you got another huge headache about a week later when you got the final results of the interview. It could be the acceptance letter (that you were still sure you weren’t going to get), but you knew that you needed to at least open it, read it and accept whatever result it was to move on with your life. So, you tapped on the notification without much thought and you will forever remember this sentence: We look forward to working with you. You froze then and there, your jaw open in disbelief and your fingers went back to the main email page, pulling the inbox page down to refresh the screen. Lo and behold, you were faced with a challenge that you didn’t bother to think about.

You sprint to Sangyeon’s house as soon as the reality sinks into you. Once again, you left your parent’s house after breaking the news to the owners before leaving. Usually, you would have never been able to run that fast and long without a break. The adrenaline and anxiety took over your whole body, and you let your legs guide you to your boyfriend’s house. 

Sangyeon welcomed the news with open arms, his feet adorably tapping on the spot and a deep, soft kiss on your lips that still held his radiant smile. But unlike him, you could only stand at your spot in front of his house and give him a reluctant smile. To this, his smile drops and so did the arms that were in the air a moment ago to celebrate this new journey of yours. The vertical lines between his eyebrows made itself evident and you could only respond with a series of head-shaking and quivering lips.

“Hey…” He cradles the back of your head with one hand, the other on your cheek as he steps forwards towards you, “What’s wrong? You’ve always wanted this.”

Your arms surrounded Sangyeon’s lower body tightly, taking a handful of his sweater and your cold nose slowly became warmer thanks to his body temperature, “I know. But now that it’s happening, I’m having second thoughts.”

He continues to dig further into your thoughts, wanting to understand your feelings more and why you were having second thoughts about something you worked so hard for, “Do you want to elaborate further now? Or do you want to come inside first?”

“If I say the latter, will you cuddle with me?”

This is the you that he knows: the one that would always wish for a kiss, then a cuddle and then another kiss. You lift your face from his chest, increasing the distance between you both slightly. Sangyeon sees the sparkle in your eyes and the slight pout on your lips when you look up at him with a silent plea for a positive answer to your question. 

Who was he to refuse and break your heart like that? 

Plus…he wanted to cuddle with you as much as you did.

And so with the support of your loving family, chaotic friends and encouraging boyfriend, you packed up, headed onto the new country alone and started a new, independent life. Thankfully, you were able to find a place close to your workplace and the foreign place became your home quickly with your three kind housemates. Splitting the chores around the house, cooking, and establishing times to use the washing machine was never a problem. Living in the same house made it easier for you all to spend some time and get to know each other better, leading to routine Friday nights to be spent with each other, going on road trips and eventually overseas trips.

Your workplace has been rewarding as you found the same good qualities of your housemates in most of your co-workers. From day one, everyone has welcomed you to their lives with open arms and you knew for sure that these people wouldn’t be the reason that you would ever have to leave to go back home.

“It’s just so unfair.” It was the company, the workplace and the conditions that they put you in. The logic didn’t make sense: the place was understaffed yet they won’t hire any new people. Of course, there were many underlying factors around it, but after being so overworked, adapting to the new culture, being homesick and, your body trying its best to adjust to the new season changes that you would never have to deal with back home, it was inevitable that you were going to break down soon, “Why? Just why do they have to do that?”

“I’m so sorry you’re going through that.” Oh how much Sangyeon just wanted to jump out of the screen and hug you tight. When was the last time he ever got to do that anyway? He missed having you in his reach—his favourite love language not being able to be expressed for about half a year now, “Hang in there, baby. I know you can do this. Stay strong, hm?”

Through your blurred vision, you could still make out his sorrowful smile, his hand that just hovers the top of the camera on his phone as if to recreate the feeling that he was touching the side of your head.

Perhaps, the worst part of being away from home is your inability to ever interact with them in real-time. The time difference made it too exhausting for everyone on the other side of the world to communicate with you properly. Sure, there were rare days when they could, but the way their moon would rise when the sun said its greetings here made you swallow down your tears at night, forcing you to reassure yourself that ‘everything is going to be fine.’ Because of this, it was a routine for you to drown in your thoughts throughout the day, waking up with a heavy head and heart from the previous nights as you plaster on a weak but still genuine smile when you greet your coworkers. 

With the help of your housemates, your family and Sangyeon have managed to surprise you on both of your birthdays as well as some gaps between their schedules. Those memories would be the ones you would replay in your head as you cry your heart out in the middle of the bed that’s in the middle of the room, in the middle of the night.

Other than the visits and calls, the only things that would connect you to them are the daily pictures and videos. At the very least, they captured the lives of the ones you love back home. Unlike the memories that you could only see and keep for yourself, the physical evidence of their smiles is another big source of comfort for you, especially when all you wanted during your lonely walk home was just life updates from the people that you love most. Somewhere along the way though, the pictures and videos became too much for you, and you start to imagine what the picture would be like if you filled up the negative space within it. 

How would it be like to share that laughter, smile and experience of the atmosphere that the picture manages to capture? What was the air around there like? Humid? Cold? Warm? Aromatic? Or maybe perhaps, would you have been too entranced by Sangyeon’s presence that the only thing you could smell was his signature perfume mixed in with his laundry detergent? 

How would it feel just to have Sangyeon’s shoulder pressed up against yours whenever he has that habit of putting an arm around your back to grab the opposite side of your waist? To have his bigger hand securely intertwine with yours? To have him press a kiss on the side of your head after he whispers ‘I love you forever’ to your ears—knowing well that you were the only one in the world that he would ever confess that phrase intimately to.

How would it feel like to just have the familiar buildings of your neighbourhood, your city and the familiar murals or paintings in your life again? Would it be more comforting than the pictures of the same scenery on your phone? Would your heart be more at ease walking in the night even if all the lights were off or there were no signs of life?

As an answer to your thoughts, after two years of learning, gaining life experiences and missing the air of your home, you bravely decided not to pick up the pen on the table and sign your initials on the new contract paper. 

You decided: I’m going home. 

It’s been a really wild ride. A ride that you would never exchange for anything else. For one, you made friends from the other side of the world. Friends that you knew you could always hit up and visit if you ever come back. Two, it was real when people say that ‘the distance makes the heart grow fonder’. Sangyeon has always been the boyfriend who would cry and carry his burden alone but would always welcome your hardships into his life. Before, even though you could pick up some of the signs on some occasions, the limited video calls allowed you both to pour your feelings out, exchanging confessions and true thoughts. Had you not been across the world, you were confident that Sangyeon would step out of his shell eventually but you were thankful that the distance did its job healthily and your relationship with him strengthened with the tears and chuckles that he showed. 

When the time came and you finished training the new worker who would soon be taking your place in the company, you did your final preparations before stepping out of the house that sheltered you for two years. Final goodbyes, tears being shed, words of affirmation and promises for occasional updates were made before you drove off to the airport. Rolling down the car window, you twist your upper body to face the back of the car, your hand waving up in the air. 

The ride to the airport is bittersweet. You put your phone down after texting Sangyeon that you would call him when you pass through security. All you wanted to do at this moment was to look out the windows and take in the colours of the journey, half-scared that the scenery might turn monochrome soon if you didn’t pay close attention.

Keeping your promise, you connected your earphones and turned on your camera to be faced with Sangyeon leisurely lying in bed, one hand on the back of his head on the headboard, blinking his eyes to fight the sleep from his system.

“You should sleep.” 

Sangyeon shakes his head, straightening his back and sitting up. He takes a deep breath, his chest expanding in volume as he does so, “You only have a few minutes before you have to go anyway. I can stay awake and accompany you.”

“You’re the best, you know that?” 

Thankfully, you found a seat for yourself in the busy atmosphere. You place your backpack on the floor in front of you between your legs, being mindful of the other passengers in the busy airport who most probably had a long day before this, now having to spend overnight in a metal column.

“Love that hoodie on you. Where’d you get it?” Sangyeon wiggles his eyebrows playfully and you roll your eyes, “Good to know that you didn’t leave it behind.”

“I would be crazy to leave this behind.” You pull on the strings of the hoodie, fastening the circumference of the hood around the outline of your face, pouting cutely to your boyfriend who just laughs at you fondly.

“Can’t wait to hold you.” That sentence holds so many meanings and tugged on your heartstrings so much. It hurt for a bit to hear him say that, especially when his voice sounded so tired, “I love you so much.”

“I love you so much.” You whisper to the microphone, holding the tears that you didn’t want to show to your friends throughout the whole week, “I miss you so much. I can’t wait to go on physical, real-life dates again.”

“A few more hours.” He reminds the both of you, holding on just a little bit longer, “Everything will sort itself out then.”

That’s right.

A few more hours until you will both be able to be in the same space again. Just a little bit more before you’ll be able to steal a kiss from his lips whenever and wherever. 

You can’t wait to be back in the comfort of your bed, saying ‘goodnight’ to your parents and slipping out of your windows shortly after to meet Sangyeon at the convenience store. 

You can’t wait to spend some time with his mum—who he gets very jealous of sometimes—and steal more childhood, baby pictures of him. Along with that, you can’t wait for his mum to let you sneak into his room to steal some of his clothes. 

You can’t wait to see his blushing face as he freezes between the doorframe when his eyes land on how his sleeves would completely cover your arms, and your thighs and expose a little bit of your shoulders. 

You can’t wait for him to scoop you up in his strong arms, eliciting your series of squeals and giggles that he has fallen deeply in love with. 

You can’t wait for him to tuck you in bed, pulling his blanket up to your chin. He would then frame his larger body over yours throughout the night, making you sleep deeper and better. But your night, wouldn’t be complete until you delicately kiss him on his chin, cheek and lips. His night wouldn’t be complete either until he kissed your forehead, nose and lips, taking his sweet time on the last body part. 

Most importantly, the night wouldn’t be complete overall until your lips part each other and exchange ‘I love you’s.

As soon as you landed, the adrenaline of finally being in the same country, the same land, the same building knocked out the jetlag and you were suddenly wide awake. You felt a bit bad for the bottom of the seat in front of you and your backpack which was violently ripped out from its peace, but you would like to think that they would understand your sudden burst of energy. You race and slip yourself between the bodies of people who were most probably confused and amazed by how much your eyes were darting around the conveyor belt so quickly, trying to find your check-in baggage—but you didn’t care.

You care about is Lee Sangyeon.

Now, you passed through every security check, every random bag inspection, opening and relocking up all your luggage again one by one, your patience running out by the minute.

But it’s okay.

Because now, only one glass door stands in the way between you and all the people waiting on the other side. 

You watch from the distance as the automatic door opens and closes through other passengers. You were even able to catch a glimpse of some of your fellow flight passengers who spotted their loved ones immediately in the crowd, their hands releasing the handle brake of their trolley when they rushed into the crowd. Their loved ones cry and gasp at the presence that they have been so desperate for, their bodies swaying side to side to keep some of their emotions regulated in public.

Oh, how you know you wouldn’t be able to hold in your tears.

Exhaling and inhaling a couple more times, your hands grip the handle of your trolley, doing a final baggage check that everything is securely held in place and that you didn’t leave anything. Finally, you push the handle to release the brake and you start to walk over to the translucent glass doors. 

Time didn’t slow down. 

It just felt still. 

It didn’t stop though—it just felt still.

You could hear your heartbeat through your ears, your palms were sweating in nervousness and you could barely feel the ground that you were walking on with every step of your feet. The gush of wind pushes your hair back dramatically and your eyes water at the cooler air from the other side of the door. Metal barricades separate the arriving passengers from the crowd from both sides of your body and you force your teared-up eyes to carefully scan through the rows of the crowds and the signs that they held up. Your back straightens to accommodate your eyes’ effort in addition to your lips that move in the shape of the name of the person you miss the most. Unfamiliar faces fill your visual field and your feet finally take you to the end of the barricade, heart feeling heavy at the unsuccessful event to pick out anyone in the crowd that you know. 

But then…

“Found you.” 

His appearance explains why you were unable to quickly pick him out from the crowd if you didn’t focus on detail. Sangyeon grins at your shocked facial expression, watching your eyes slowly lift from the bouquet in his hands to the freshly black dye on his hair.

“Y-You—”

“What do you think?” His pointer and thumb raise to twirl a bit of his hair, his eyes still on you, “You always said that I would look good with black hair.”

“Good?” Oh, he knew what kind of effect this is having on you and he’s having fun with this, “Sangyeon, you—” 

His facial expression softens straightaway when the tears that you’ve been holding for so long finally drop to the ground and he strides forwards immediately as soon as he catches a glimpse of your quivering lips. Forget about the flowers, forget about the people around you, forget about how you were standing in the middle of the walkway. He sets his ‘welcome back’ gifts on top of your things, swiftly wrapping an arm behind your shoulders while the other one cups your cheeks. 

Sangyeon held your shaking body against his tightly, and it was good that he did, otherwise, you would surely be on the floor. You relished in the scent that you missed the most, purposely taking in deep breaths to ground yourself back to the present. The boy smiles at the realisation, letting your free cheek cutely rest on his chest. He hushes you softly, the swiping motion of his thumb on your cheek giving you a physical reminder of his presence—a reminder that he is with you at this very moment. Multiple kisses were pressed on your forehead in an attempt to calm you down and responded with a whimper as you tried to form words.

“It’s okay.” It really is, “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”

Your body responded to his affirmation, your arms finally wrapping around his waist, the tips of his fingers just barely intertwining behind his back. Your palms lay flat on his smooth leather jacket and your ragged breathing found a stable pace once again. The increased oxygen in your blood allows you to finally feel Sangyeon’s plump lips on your forehead and the blush begins to form across your cheekbones. 

“You’re really here.”

“I am.” You feel the way his chest vibrates at his deep chuckle. 

That’s all he said and it’s way more than enough. Eyes closed, in Sangyeon’s embrace, his familiar scent, his lips hovering on your eyelids to press kisses there—everything is starting to feel like home.

“You look handsome.” For the first time since you arrived, you finally look at this new hair colour properly. Your eyebrows furrow, almost a look of dissatisfaction and disapproval, “Too handsome.” This time, one of your eyebrows raised at the way he responded with a teasing smile, “How many people asked you out already?”

“Honestly,” He starts to act, tightly closing his eyes as if to think very hard. He prolonged his hum with the way you glared at him cutely, wanting to tease you for longer, “quite a lot.”

The answer made you scoff, tilting your head away and you started to pull away from his embrace. Sangyeon didn’t let you walk away fully though for he pulled you right back to his body. Your hands attempt to stabilise your body the sudden act by resting on the curves of Sangyeon’s shoulders. The playful look in his eyes disappears and the extra layer of moisture shows itself—it tells you that he has been waiting for the only person to ever see his tears to be within his arms again. Both his hands rest on your waist and your own eyes search for the emotions behind his, a hand wiping his lower eyelid. That act makes a tear fall before another one falls and it soon becomes a fountain of emotions for the older male.

“I missed you. So much.” The way that Sangyeon puts so much emphasis on the second and fourth words sent chills down your spine.

Your hand on his shoulder slides upwards to cup his face, the other downwards to do the same on the other side. With all the strength you have left in your legs, you put your weight on your toes, fluttering your eyelids close and lifting your body to press a longing kiss to his lips. You tasted his tears on the curves on his lips, but knowing well that it stemmed from love, made your heart slowly start to heal. Sangyeon reciprocates immediately, travelling his hands to the side curves of your body, stopping at your neck, gently tilting your face upwards to deepen the kiss. The kiss sweetly alternates with his own hugging your bottom lips, pulling away for oxygen, a little ‘I love you’ and diving back in to hug your upper lips.

This is what home feels like.

It’s not some building or some land that could be pointed out on a map. It’s not necessarily the photos and videos that you received, even though they comforted you on cold nights. It’s not necessarily the rushed talks and recounts of your lives because the second hand on the clock mocked the little time you would always have, even though you were thankful that you had that small gap to do so.

It’s actually experiencing all of the above, going through all those trials, all those confusing emotions, and still feeling love and support. It’s being able to just walk with defeat over the day’s work but as soon as you arrive back home, the feeling either washes away or you’re able to just vent it and cry it out. 

With the right people, you were able to let these experiences turn into lessons and precious memories—similar to how there are specific bricks to build the proper structure of a house. As those experiences build, so does the clear image and structure of a house. Sure, houses break down due to inside and outside factors but when it does, you’re confident that you can work it out and make it stronger. 

With those thoughts in mind, the corner of your lips tugged upwards and no words were needed for Sangyeon to know that the smile wasn’t mischievous, teasing or playful.

It’s one full of relief and happiness.

“Welcome home.” Sangyeon changes his words between your kisses.

You hum, waiting for the next time he pulls away to give a proper response.

“I’m home.”

navi/masterlist!! 🤍 tags (send a dm/ask if you would like to be here!): @deoboyznet 📢❤️ @k-labels 💙🤍 @k-films 🤎🎞️

[hoonieyun]

letter from: heeseung ⋆｡˚❆˚ ｡⋆

you're my wishlist, looking at you got me thinking of christmas. snowflakes in my stomach when we're kissing and when you're coming down the chimney, oh it feels so good... -sabrina carpenter "a nonsense christmas"

pairing: lee heeseung x reader

genre: romance/fluff - a BIT of angst - idol!heeseung - long distance relationship

warnings: suggestive, kissing, profanity, and overall 18+ (not proofread lol)

summary: heeseung comes home for the holidays

christmas herald masterlist ⋆｡˚❆˚ ｡⋆

word count: 3302

You didn’t think you could fall in love with Heeseung anymore than you already did but as you smiled at your phone while looking at the photo of Heeseung holding a duck shaped snowball, you couldn’t help but miss him even more. 

As you were going to continue smiling at the handsome photo of Heeseung, you’re interrupted when Heeseung’s contact photo appears on your screen, indicating that he was calling you at the moment. You quickly accept the call and soon enough, Heeseung’s handsome face that you were just staring at appears, he’s bundled up in warm clothes and a scarf so big that it almost covers half of his face. 

“Hi, baby! How are you?” Heeseung asks, flashing his classic smile that never failed to make you swoon. “I was literally just looking at the photo you just posted!” you tell him with a laugh. 

“Wow, you love me huh?” Heeseung teases and you roll your eyes in response, smiling at him regardless of his teasing. The two of you briefly catch up on your days and what you have planned for the week. Heeseung was currently in a car on his way to schedules you assumed and you were in bed, cozied up in a large knit blanket and a hoodie of Heeseung’s that he had left for you. 

Dating someone who is constantly in the public eye and famous doesn’t come easy, but as you face hardships it only makes the sweet and tender moments even more worth it. You and Heeseung have been dating for 2 years now, going on 3 this upcoming Christmas and the only thing you could wish for is that he would come home for the holidays, but with Christmas arriving in the next 24 hours; it was highly unlikely that would happen. 

“What’s on your mind, pretty?” Heeseung asks, bringing you out of your thoughts. You hadn’t realized that you were spacing out, “Oh! Nothing, babe. Was just thinkning about how fun Christmas will be tomorrow. Wish you were here!” you say, a slight pout at the end. Heeseung’s eyes soften at your words, he wished he could spoil the surprise but he knows waiting will be worth it. “I know, my love. I want to be with you more than anything in the world right now.” Heeseung says. 

“But your Christmas present should arrive tomorrow!” he continues. “You didn’t have to get me anything!” you ask, pouting even more but knowing Heeseung was always one to spoil you. “Alright, I’ve gotta go, my love. Merry Christmas, love you. I’ll talk to you soon.” Heeseung says and you bid him goodbye but not before blowing him a kiss through the phone and Heeseung catching it in his hand in response. The two of you laugh at the interaction before ending the call, a sigh leaving your lips as you spend yet another Christmas without the love of your life. 

⋆｡˚❆˚ ｡⋆

Heeseung sighs as you end the call and a smile spreads on his face. You had no idea about his Christmas gift for you and although he felt guilty for leading you on a bit, he knew it was going to be worth it in the end. 

“Is she off the phone?” his manager asks and Heeseung hums in response. His manager tells him that they’re almost at the airport and tells him to make sure he’s got his passport and boarding pass ready. Soon enough, they’re at the arrivals wing of the airport and Heeseung is making his way inside to catch his flight all the way to the love of his life, you. 

Heeseung would arrive sometime on Christmas morning so he was excited to be able to surprise you. He had coordinated with your mom to make sure the surprise works, ensuring that your family holds the secret and doesn’t spoil it for you. Heeseung has been planning this surprise for the last few months and did everything he could to make sure that his company and managers would allow him and in all honesty; he was going to make it happen regardless.

⋆｡˚❆˚ ｡⋆

The next morning was filled with half joy and half yearning. You wished you could wake up and find Heeseung sleeping soundly next to you in bed but like every other day for the last year or so, you woke up in bed alone. Christmas morning should be filled with only joy so you weren’t going to let Heeseung’s absence overshadow your enjoyment of Christmas day with your family. 

You spent a quick amount of time after getting out of bed to get ready. You were going to spend Christmas day at your mom’s house, as you usually did, and you wanted to put yourself together but not too much. Your mom had told you to wear holiday pajamas so you had gotten dressed in a red plaid pajama set. After getting dressed, you quickly packed your car with the presents you were bringing to your family and made your way to your mom’s home. 

Pulling into her driveway, you were met with several cars that belonged to some of your relatives. Your mom suddenly runs out to greet you a Merry Christmas and after sharing a warm hug with her, she helps you bring everything inside so you could greet the rest of your family. 

It was all smiles and warm hugs as you entered your childhood home and what sadness you had from Heeseung’s absence was soon filled with the joy brought by your relatives. You make your way to each family member, hugging and greeting them, when your sister asks, “Merry Christmas! No Heeseung again?” and although she meant no malice behind it, it left a bitter taste in your mouth as it was another reminder that you haven’t been able to spend Christmas with him for the last few years. You shook your head slightly and unbeknownst to you, there were side eyes and smiles exchanged from your relatives as you responded to the absence of your boyfriend. 

The greetings were short lived as right after everyone began exchanging gifts and opening their presents. Several of the kids were cheering in joy as they opened their presents to see toys, stuffed animals, and clothes with cartoon characters you didn’t really recognize. 

You smiled at all of the happy kids and glanced over at the older relatives who were thanking one another for their gifts, the presents being more of convenience for quality of life and a mixture of small personal presents that they knew each other would like. You opened several presents and thanked those that gave you one but although you didn’t want to be a debby downer, all you wanted was for Heeseung to be with you. 

From the side, your mom was looking at you, watching you and trying to read your expression. It doesn’t take much for her to know that you were merely yearning for your lover and she couldn’t help but feel for her daughter and as much as she wanted to comfort you and spoil the surprise, she knew better than to do that. Knowing that the surprise would be worth it in the end. 

⋆｡˚❆˚ ｡⋆

Heeseung ends the call with your mom excitedly just as you’re pulling up into the driveway. He tells her that he had just landed and as soon as he gets his bags, he’ll be on the way to your mom’s house to surprise you and give you the best present you’ve ever had on Christmas. He was so excited to see you and couldn’t wait to get you in his arms and never let go. 

Your mom would occassionally send him updates on you, letting Heeseung know that you had arrived, what you were wearing, how you were feeling, and although he felt bad that you were a bit sad on Christmas, he knew that his presence would be the best present to make you feel better. 

And after what felt like the longest drive of his life from the airport to your childhood home, Heeseung is pulling into the street and instructing the driver to drop him off a few houses down just to be sure you don’t see him coming. 

⋆｡˚❆˚ ｡⋆

Your mom receives a text from Heeseung and she smiles at her phone, “YN, honey. Here, open this!” she says, handing you a gift bag that had a bright red bow on it. “Mom, you didn’t have to get me anything, but thank you.” you say, giving her a hug before opening it. You excitedly open the gift from your mom, being taken back to when you were a child and you’d be ecstatic opening presents from your mom.  

You throw the glittery tissue paper to the side and pull out a white hoodie that was folded neatly but in a way that covers the front. You unravel the hoodie and a smile breaks out onto your face as a laugh erupts from your lips. You flip over the hoodie to show the rest of your family and they all laugh together, the hoodie has a photo of Heeseung as a baby and a santa hat is edited onto him. You thank your mom once more for the cute gift and although you still wish Heeseung was actually there, the hoodie itself helped a lot with how much you missed him. 

You quickly put the hoodie on and at the same time, the doorbell rings. You look at your mom confused as you scan the room, all of your relatives that you knew were attending Christmas at your moms were already here so you weren’t completely sure who that could be. 

“Are you expecting someone else, mom?” you ask and she merely just asks you to get the door. As you get up to open the door, you don’t notice that your relatives have sneakily pulled out their phones to record and were all biting back smiles and laughter as you approach the front door. 

A surprise waiting for you. 

⋆｡˚❆˚ ｡⋆

Heeseung’s heart is beating faster and faster as he walks up the short steps up to the front door and as he presses the button of the doorbell, it feels like time stops as the bell rings from the inside. 

He swears he could hear his heartbeat louder than anything at this moment and he wasn’t completely sure what he would do as soon as he saw you. He had run through so many scenarios in his head on what he would do. 

He thought about just randomly appearing in your moms house. 

He thought about hiding inside of a comically large gift box and popping out.

But as he waited for you to answer the door, all he could think about was wrapping his arms around you and feeling the warmth of your love envelope the both of you. 

Heeseung is brought out of his thoughts when the sound of the door unlocking and opening takes over the sound of his heart beating in his ears. The door slowly opened and there you were, standing behind the door, beautiful as ever, eyes wide and lips slightly parted as your eyes met one another. 

“Merry Christmas, my love.” Heeseung says, flashing a smile you hadn’t seen in person in so long. 

But before Heeseung could approach you with a hug, the door gets slammed in his face. 

⋆｡˚❆˚ ｡⋆

“What the fuck..?” you say, turning around to look at your family to which you find them all laughing with their phones out recording your reaction. Your breathing was suddenly so fast and you couldn’t process what was happening. 

How was Heeseung standing at your mom’s doorstep at this very moment? 

You couldn’t even fully process what was happening before Heeseung was ringing the doorbell once again. You swing the door open and as Heeseung is about to say something, you jump into his arms with a hug and he catches you. Wrapping his arms around your waist as yours are around his neck. He’s softly rubbing your back while whispering comforting and loving words into your ear. All you could hear was the beating of your hearts together as he whispers into your ear. 

“Merry Christmas, my love.” Heeseung says once again and this time you don’t slam the door in his face. You pull your face away from his neck to look at him, like you were making sure that he was actually there. 

“How are you here right now- Actually, I don’t care.” you say as you tighten your hug and bury your face in his neck once again. Heeseung laughs at your reaction and brings the two of you inside. One of your cousins helping Heeseung bring his suitcase into the house. 

He sits the two of you onto the couch and you situate yourself on his lap. Not even caring that this was way more PDA than you were usually comfortable with in front of your family but you couldn’t bring yourself to let go of Heeseung and neither could he. 

You and Heeseung save your conversation for later, for now the two of you were just happy to be in each other’s arms as you celebrate the Holiday with him and your family. They’d occassionally ask him questions about his life as a KPOP Idol and each time you would shush them and each time Heeseung would gently pat your back to let you know it was okay. 

That’s what you loved about Heeseung, he was always so accommadating and put so much effort into being a part of your family. You couldn’t help but just smile at him as he spoke with your family, they all got him something small but meaningful for Christmas and he soon passed out gifts he brought from Korea. 

“Oh! Before I forget…” Heeseung says as he slightly shifts underneath you, removing his winter coat to unveil a similar white hoodie like the one your mom got you but he had a photo of you as a baby with the same santa hat photoshopped onto the photo. You burst out into laughted at his reveal and once again wrap your arms around him. 

After a few hours and enjoying lunch together, your relatives leave your mom’s home with you and Heeseung leaving the very last; making sure to help your mom clean up before leaving, Heeseung’s idea that only made your heart swell with love even more. 

The two of you bid farewell to your mom, giving her a hug and kiss before heading back to your apartment. Heeseung in tow behind you as you walk over to your car. Heeseung offers to drive and although he hasn’t been in your hometown for a few years, it seems like his memory of the route to your apartment had never left his mind. 

You can’t help but stare at him as he’s driving and as cringe as it may seem, he had one hand on the wheel and his other was gently set on top of your thigh. The two of you spend the car ride singing to Christmas songs and laughing, enjoying the moment together and extending the moment into your apartment. 

Once the two of you enter your apartment his hands are on you and your lips connect. Sharing a kiss that the two of you have waited for for what seems like eternity. The kiss was electric and it felt like the first time you two had ever kissed. At the airport when Heeseung had finally asked you to be his girlfriend right before his flight back to Korea. 

The two of you spend the next few hours in your room, limbs tangled with one another, and your pillows and blankets thrown onto your bedroom floor. 

⋆｡˚❆˚ ｡⋆

“I can’t believe you’re here right now… this is crazy.” you say as you lay your head on Heeseung’s chest while he softly plays with your hair. He explains to you how he made it happen and how he had been planning it for the last few months with the help of your mom. 

“How long are you here for?” you ask, afraid of his answer but to your surprise and joy, Heeseung let’s you know that he’ll be there with you for New Years. He had to pull a lot of strings to be able to get a vacation away from the company for a week or so and with the help of his members, he was able to do just that. 

“Remind me to thank the guys.” you say with a laugh. “What about me? I’m the one that made it happen…” Heeseung says with a fake pout and all you could do was give him a quick kiss on his pouty lips. 

Christmas without Heeseung wasn’t easy, hell, life without Heeseung wasn’t easy and living so far from one another was the ultimate challenge to your relationship but somehow, through his busy schedule, he made it work. 

His dedication to you was a true testament to his love and you couldn’t help but ponder on a future with Heeseung where the only distance between the two of you would be the length of the walk you’d have to go on as you make your way down the aisle. He was someone you could see forever with and you knew that he was the one for you, and so did he. 

“What’s on your mind, pretty?” he asks and you sigh before answering. “Just thinking about how lucky I am to have gotten you as the person I’ll love for the rest of my life.”

“Rest of your life? Are you sure… I mean I know I’m a catch but forever's a… long time.” Heeseung teases and you merely just laugh and slap his chest in response. “Please, if anything, you’re stuck with ME.” you say, grabbing his arm and wrapping it around you tightly. 

“And I wouldn’t want to be stuck with anyone else for the rest of my life.” Heeseung says, giving you a small kiss on your crown. “Thank you… this was the only thing I wanted for Christmas and just when I thought that I would go another Christmas without you… you’re here.” you say, a small tear falls from your eyes and Heeseung pulls you up to look at him, wiping your tears away. 

“I know it’s hard not always being together but just know that I spend every hour of the day and night wanting nothing more to have you in my arms and to go home at the end of the day and to wake up the next day seeing your beautiful face. 

Thank you, for being so patient with me and sticking by my side through everything.” Heeseung says and even though you had briefly stopped crying, you couldn’t help but cry even more at his loving words. 

“Besides, maybe next time I’ll just fly you out to Korea.” he says and you laugh once again while wiping away your tears. 

Heeseung was good at that, making you cry because of how much you loved him but also knowing how to comfort you at the same time. It’s like he knew you so well that he was more connected with your emotions than you were with your own. 

“I love you, thank you for everything. You’re the best present I could ever ask for.” you say, giving him a kiss. 

“I love you too. I couldn’t have asked for a better Christmas and way to enter the New Year than to spend it with you.” he says, once again pulling you into his arms for a hug. 

A hug that you wish you never had to let go of. 

copyright 2024 - present © hoonieyun all rights reserved

all writing here is fiction & not in any association with characters mentioned.

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[coca-cola-brainstorm]

Stronger in the dark

prologue:

When it was just you and your mom, she seemed different. Perhaps she was exhausted because she had to do everything alone. You didn’t know your dad—your mom once shared that he didn’t want you in his life. She had a past as a dancer, and he believed she was just trying to take advantage of him for his money. The day she confided in him about this was the last time he ever saw her face to face.

At first, Greg didn’t seem so bad; he knew what he was signing up for when he started dating your mom. The excitement of their marriage brought a new spark to your life—having a dad was something you had yearned for, and for a while, everything felt like a fairytale. Laughter filled the house, and happy memories were made.

But like many good things, that happiness began to wane. The warning signs were there: the subtle cracks in their relationship slowly became more obvious. You noticed your mom starting to wear down, her smile fading a little more with each passing day. The nights were filled with hushed, tense arguments that seeped through the walls, creeping into your dreams.

It felt as if she were transforming before your eyes, becoming a stranger in her own home. Every change chipped away at the warmth you once felt, leaving you in a whirlwind of confusion and sadness.

You could sense that something was off; you noticed the little twitches she would make. Some days were manageable, while others felt overwhelming. Greg got worse—his anger seemed to boil over at the slightest thing. You grew up quickly because you had no choice; you learned to take care of yourself. Just like your mother before you, you didn’t rely on anyone else.

Years sped by, and by the time you turned twelve, life in Gotham had woven a complex web around you. Your mom was a ghost in the house—physically present but emotionally distant, consumed by her own struggles. You learned to navigate the world largely on your own, spending long hours in the shadows of your cluttered home, your academic achievements a protective facade against the chaos outside.

Gotham was a harsh, unforgiving place, where survival often meant making choices that blurred the lines between right and wrong. You had become adept at fitting in with the city's underbelly, taking on questionable jobs that required a cunning mind and quick feet. Each task was just another means to get by—a way to blend into the background of a city that thrived on secrecy and subterfuge.

Your small frame was both a blessing and a curse; it allowed you to move stealthily through crowded streets, slipping unnoticed through the cracks of society. With nimble fingers and an instinct for evasion, you learned to dodge the watchful eyes of those around you, honing your skills in a world where the difference between safety and peril was razor-thin. Yet, beneath the surface, the weight of your choices lingered, a reminder of the reality you faced in a city that rarely offered a way out.

You had witnessed Gotham endure its fair share of hardships, but at that time, you still felt invincible in your youth. Then, everything changed in an instant when tragedy struck: your mother died from an overdose. The funeral was a blur, a hurried affair devoid of warmth or healing. You didn’t cry; in fact, you felt a strange detachment, as if the woman who had brought you into this world was a stranger. You had long stopped calling her “Mom,” instead settling on a cold, clinical distance that mirrored your fractured relationship.

It was as though she had vanished from your life long before that fateful day, fading into the shadows of neglect and chaos. Your stepfather seemed equally indifferent; he moved through life like a ghost, often present at home but never truly there. When you crossed paths with him, he offered nothing more than a dismissive glance, and you had come to accept that silence as a comfort rather than a burden.

You learned to exist in your own bubble, navigating the world independently, because relying on anyone else felt like a weakness. You didn't need him or your mother; you had forged a path for yourself in this unforgiving city, believing that self-sufficiency was the only way to survive. The scars of loss and neglect had made you resilient, but they also left you feeling isolated in a world that continued to spin around you, indifferent to your struggles.

You made it a priority to take care of yourself, regardless of the circumstances surrounding you. The nature of your jobs often lingered in the shadows—some were shady and perilous, filled with risks that could leave you bruised or worse. There were nights when desperation drove you to steal, taking what you needed to survive and thrive. Despite the precarious path you walked, you operated in a way that kept you under the radar; no one ever caught you in the act. Yet, that didn’t mean you were invisible. People noticed you. The local law enforcement was all too familiar with your name and face, and the city’s criminals recognized you as well, aware of your resourcefulness and endurance. You navigated this world with skill, knowing that both sides kept their distance, intrigued but cautious of your determined nature.

Years passed, and you were now sixteen, navigating the gritty landscape of Gotham City. It was an ordinary day, the kind that blurred together in your memory—a typical school day that surprised even you with your decision to attend. As the final bell rang, the familiar rush of students pouring out of the building filled the air, but you lingered for a moment, feeling a gnawing hunger in the pit of your stomach.

Stepping onto the bustling streets, the scent of street vendors and distant coffee wafted toward you, teasing your senses. You wandered aimlessly, the chaos of Gotham all around you, the sounds of honking cars and distant sirens muffled by your racing thoughts. With little money to spare and an insatiable craving for something to eat, you slipped into your usual habit. Being a bit of a kleptomaniac, you navigated through the market stalls and shops, your heart racing as you discreetly snatched a few items—some snacks here, a soda there.

In the back of your mind, you believed your actions were unnoticed; after all, Gotham was a city where shadows could easily swallow a person whole. But that day, you felt a prickling sense of unease, an instinct whispering that you were not as invisible as you thought. As you turned to leave, the sensation of being watched hit you with sudden clarity, and you realized—perhaps you weren't as stealthy as you believed.

As you stepped out of the store, a wave of adrenaline coursed through you, but before you could fully process it, reality struck hard – you were under arrest. The chaos unfolded in a blur. Perhaps the thrill of getting away with it too many times had dulled your senses, or maybe you had simply let your guard down, becoming too comfortable with your choices.

Once at the precinct, the heavy door clanged shut behind you, echoing the finality of your situation as they ushered you into a cell. You felt a strange calmness wash over you. Handcuffs were not new to you; you had danced this dance before. As you peered through the bars, you recognized several faces among the officers; some were familiar from your previous encounters, while others eyed you with a mix of boredom and judgment.

Then, one officer approached you, a noticeable figure in the sea of uniforms—Officer Gordon. His presence felt oddly familiar. You had crossed paths with him on multiple occasions in Gotham; he was always earnest, often attempting to steer you toward the right path. His gentle nudges to pursue an education and make better choices rang in your ears, a stark contrast to the cold steel of your current reality. In that moment, you could see the disappointment in his eyes, and it made you question just how far you had strayed from the dreams you once held.

He leaned forward, curiosity etched across his face as he asked you a series of questions about school. You forced a smile, lying through your teeth, claiming that everything was going well, even though the truth was that you rarely attended. When he inquired if there was anyone who could come to pick you up, you hesitated for a moment before mentioning your stepdad’s name. However, deep down, you knew he wouldn’t be able to help since he hadn’t answered his phone all day. The atmosphere grew heavier as the situation turned serious; they proceeded to explain the necessity of conducting a blood test to verify your identity, a routine but unsettling requirement that left you feeling more isolated than ever.

You didn’t care much in that moment. You figured Officer Gordon wouldn’t find anyone significant, or if he did, they could simply swing by, scoop you up, and you’d go your separate ways without a second thought. The tension in the room was palpable as you waited for the test results. When they finally came back, Officer Gordon’s expression shifted—it was a mix of surprise and concern. He quickly excused himself to make a phone call, leaving you alone with your swirling thoughts.

Minutes later, he returned, his demeanor more serious than before. “Your father is on his way to pick you up,” he informed you, and you felt a flicker of anticipation, expecting it to be Greg. But when the door swung open, it wasn’t Greg who stepped inside. Instead, it was Bruce Wayne, a figure who radiated an air of authority and confidence, instantly transforming the mundane atmosphere into something charged with weighty implications. Your heart raced as you absorbed the reality of the moment.

[bluev0id]

~ What's coming your way? ~

I'm bored at my friend's graduation ceremony, so here's a little reading! Pick one of the four combinations of stones ♡

🌸 Check out my ETSY(link) where I sell jewelry made with these pendants 🌸

1. Green agate + iridescent seashells

If you've been feeling not like yourself or missing something in your life, you will experience a return of what was lost. Expect a wholesome time in nature or engaging in your cultural or family traditions. If you haven't had time for hobbies or enjoying time by yourself, it will be a wonderful period where you'll be able to create, daydream and have some relaxing self care time. Someone from the past might return and you'll be able to fix the broken. On the other side, if you've been experiencing injustice or a lack of order, this will be sorted out.

Keywords : bringing it back, the way it should be, sunshine, traditions, to belong

2. White seashell and opals

There's high expectations on you either from others or yourself. You will want to be on your grind, trying to have a breakthrough. I do sense that there will be a feeling of lack that will guide you through this experience, so make sure to exercise and let go that nagging feeling inside of you that's saying that you're not doing enough. Don't push yourself over the limit. You will be taking life seriously and desiring all the nice things. There might be a woman in your life who will play a major role during this time. Reflect on where your desires come from and what are the things in life that last and matter the most, because through that you’ll be able to reach the paradise you're seeking.

Keywords: lazy, not enough, money, status, a woman

3. Pearls

A period of melancholy is coming your way. You might find yourself crying over memories or enjoying late night walks, staring at the moon through the window before bed. But it's not sadness you'll feel. It's the knowing that life passes and you have to move on and that being alive, despite all the hardship, is beautiful. You will long for someone to be there for you is it a friend or a past/long distance lover, and I see them trying to support you as much as they can. You'll receive sudden kindness from strangers or close ones during this period of your life.

Keywords: love, goodbye, warmth, memories, church, mistakes

4. Red and white agate stones

Honestly, you are that bitch. And your friends love you. I see a period of confidence, support and power coming your way. Your friends or people around you will have your back if you're ready to stand up for them as well. You'll feel empowerment by realising your influence and won't be afraid to speak your mind. When you reply late, you'll have people wondering where you are and if everything is alright. Community and good communication. If you're currently lacking close relationships, then I sense a group of individuals entering your life and being on the same wave as you.

Keywords: shepherd, fuck the rest, parties, friends, pick me up when I'm down

🌸 MY ETSY 🌸