#- not sure if any of these are what you're feeling or going thru anon

[farmerlesbian]

I could use advice on setting up a gate on a chicken run fashioned from deer fencing and stakes. My new place has a run in place with a coop, but no gate. Also, how do you deal with feelings of extreme guilt over attraction to other women? Sincerely, a terrified butch woman still figuring herself out.

depends on what kind of deer fencing you have but i think the first step you need to do is make some sort of frame out of a solid material in the fence for the door to be attached to. you'll want to also have your door built or purchased. also since chickens have a tendency to dig around in dirt, i'd recommend putting some sort of thing down on the ground to prevent them from digging a hole under the gate where they'd wiggle out. so a rubber mat or a 2x4 or some sticks or some bricks or something, whatever you have on hand. don't forget the hinges to attach the door to the fence! and a latch of some sort to keep the door closed. measure twice, cut once. hope your gate creation goes smoothly! would love to see photos once you finish the project! :D

now on the guilt topic. big hugs to you 💞 it's okay. i'm not sure exactly what sort of guilt you're feeling, but just know you're not alone in it. know you're not uniquely horrible or gross or yucky or weird. being into other women is COOL and HOT! and hey listen - we're into it. maybe reading lesbian erotica novels will help you, maybe finding erotic comics online will be comforting, maybe making a zine or writing a sexy poem will help. maybe posting on a dating website or app and finding somebody to sext with would be nice. maybe writing down your fantasies. maybe follow some lesbians on tumblr and instagram. maybe find a spot in your area that is popular with lgbtq/queer people and hang out there - a cafe or hair salon or roller rink or bar or social club. maybe watching fun flirty music videos or watching wlw films, seeing other people be open about their attraction and desires will help you feel more comfortable in your own. my recommendation is expose yourself to other people, observe that it is safe and that you are okay. practice expressing your attraction and desires, become more comfortable with it. wishing you the absolute best

[berryyuni]

Heyy 𖹭 luv ur writing!

I was wondering if you could possibly do a Ni-ki x Reader (best friends who like eachother tho, not dating) where Ni-ki shows up at readers house at like midnight to bring her over to his place instead. Or something along those lines where reader doesn't wanna be in her own house and Ni-ki helps her thru it ykyk?

Thankuuu :33

a place where i can go - nrk

✿ the "what are we" conversation can be terrifyingly awkward especially if you have so much to lose. but luckily, you have the most patient and understanding boy by your side.

pairing - bsf!ni-ki x gn!reader genre - bsfs who have feelings for each other, fluff, a hint of angst wc - 1.3k warnings - reader is overwhelmed with life, ni-ki and reader have a interesting relationship but aren't doing anything to solve it

tiana's note 🎀 - thank you so much anon for being so patient with me and thank you for requesting ! i hope i did you justice with this request, enjoy reading <33

౨ৎ reblogs and feedback are greatly appreciated !! <3 ✧˖° ... (library)

“i’m on my way” was the last thing riki texted you before leaving you - once again - alone with your thoughts. he’s currently on his way to pick you up and bring you to his place instead because you honestly couldn’t stand being at home right now. you have been bombarded with work and school and life just keeps throwing things at you. you couldn’t take it anymore. you needed to escape. and the first thing that came to mind was texting riki. he is the one you always go to with no hesitation. and he’ll always be the one to drop everything he’s doing to make sure you’re okay. 

you packed a bag filled with all your necessities for the night and next morning since you planned on spending the night with riki. this wasn’t anything new. in fact, you spent the night at his place quite often. you can even say that you slept better at his place than yours. you just felt safe and secure in his presence. your phone pinged, “here” riki said. you quickly thumbs up his message and left your house.

“hey,” you greeted him after you got into his car, “i’m so sorry for texting so late, i swear i was gonna go crazy if i stayed in that house for any longer.”

“no it’s okay,” he shook his head and pulled you in for a hug, “you doing okay?” he asked with a concerned look.

“yeah i just…i needed to get out for a bit. to breathe a little, you know?” he gave you a reassuring smile and nodded.

“let’s go home?” he grabbed your hand and rubbed his thumb on top of it.

you nodded, “let’s go home.”

as you drove to his place, he never once let go of your hand. every now and then, he would spare you a few glances, smiling at you whenever the two of you made eye contact - making you feel at ease. not a single word had to be said between you.

once arriving at riki’s place, he leaves you in the living room to get settled while he runs to grab some blankets and pillows for the two of you. he returns shortly after and seats himself next to you. the soft glow from the tv illuminated the room, creating a cozy ambiance. in the background, a faint melody from your favorite movie played. it was clear that you were still stuck in your head. riki didn’t fail to notice as you stared down at your lap, fidgeting with your fingers, "do you want to talk about it?" he asked, softly nudging your shoulder .

you shrugged, "there's not really much to talk about, life happens and it gets overwhelming sometimes," you sighed and laid your head against his shoulder, "i just needed to escape for a bit, you know?"

you can hear him chuckle under his breath, "just say you wanted to see me," he teased, "’it’s okay, i won’t judge because you’re down bad for me." 

you scoffed,playfully pushing his face away, "alright enough," it was silent before the two of you started to laugh, "you're the one who jumped at the opportunity to come get me."

riki stopped laughing and said, "well, who else would you go to? i promised that i'd always be there for you, didn’t i?"

"that's true," you murmured, "you're really all i have at this point."

he opened his mouth to say something but quickly stopped, taking a moment to find the right words, "is that a bad thing?"

"not at all, honestly..." you shook your head, "i wouldn't even trade it for the world. i’m pretty happy with the way things are." you grinned, looking over at him to which you noticed that his eyes were already on you, even glimmering in the darkness. you felt yourself getting lost in his eyes. your heartbeat increased.

he was the first one to break eye contact, "this is quite an interesting relationship you and i have." he said in a teasing tone. he looked over to your lap and grabbed your hand that was currently resting on it. he had this habit of playing with your fingers whenever he was bored. it was something you've always found endearing.

"yeah," you dragged out, "friendship..."

he was right about your relationship being “interesting”. both of you have known for quite some time that you have strong mutual feelings for each other. but what have you done about it? absolutely nothing. you’re still labeled as “just friends”. it kind of just became an unspoken thing between you two. to be fair though, there were reasons behind this. one, you’re not really in a rush to move forward with your relationship plus with how hectic your life is right now, you’re afraid that could take away from the fun of being together. you’re already in a good place with him so you don’t feel so obligated to take the next step so soon. and two, even if things did go well and you finally start dating riki, you're afraid that it might change things between you two. you're scared of the fact that you could potentially lose him. so what do you do to avoid this? keep it all to yourself.

a heavy silence filled the air as none of you had any idea what to say next. mentally cursing at yourself for making things awkward, your eyes looked at anything but riki.

the next few words that left his mouth caused you to bring your attention back towards him, “…do you ever think about if we weren’t just friends?” he hesitantly asked.

“do you?”

“i asked you first.”

letting out a breath, you admit, “i do and it scares me sometimes,” you felt his hand squeeze yours, encouraging you to continue, “because there would be a chance of me losing you whether it’d be because we break up or things just get weird once we actually start dating. i just can’t stand the idea of not having you in my life, riki.”

“hey,” he grabbed your face and gently rubbed his thumbs against your cheeks, “my promise i made to you will never be broken. i’m not going anywhere. and even if things don’t work out between us…i’ll make sure that everything’s going to be okay. you’re important to me too so i’ll do everything in my power to keep you in my life.”

“you promise?” you looked into his eyes.

“i promise,” not wanting to overstep his boundaries, he leans in to press a kiss on your forehead, “i got you.”

you have him and he has you. and that’s all that matters. 

“i know you’re probably not ready to move forward with our relationship and that’s totally okay. i don’t ever want you to think i’m rushing you, but i want you to know that i’ll always wait for you. as long as it takes, y/n.” 

“riki-“ you started but you were interrupted.

“you don’t need to say anything, i don’t want you worrying about anything else. we're here to get your mind off of everything. it’s just something i needed to say.”

the only thing you could do was nod at him. there was so much you wanted to say but for some reason, you weren’t able to verbalize it. but somehow riki understood it all. you didn’t need to say a thing for him to understand. that’s how it’s always been. he knew you too well.

putting everything aside, the two of you spent the rest of the night talking and joking around, all your troubles long forgotten. you felt your eyes get heavier and heavier and shortly after you found yourself fast asleep in riki’s warm and secure embrace.

watching as you slept soundly in his arms, riki knew that he would give you the entire world if he could. friend or lover, he’ll never let you go regardless.

©berryyuni 2024. all work is written by me. do not copy, translate or repost

taglist (open): @j-jinxee @j4keluver

[lvcky-g1rl-syndr0me]

could you write a quick thing abt hoon and comfort? like the s/o and hoon had an argument and then he makes it up to her. idk if it makes sense but hoon has been running thru my mind lately (never forgetting riki ofc tho)

-⭐️

missed date (request) ♪ park sunghoon

warnings: fluff, comfort, angst if you squint REALLY hard, pet names (angel, babe), gender neutral reader, really bad humor (its completely me), mentions of cuddling, hoon is so sweet :(, i think thats all!

this wasn’t the idea y/n had for the night. it was supposed to be the perfect night. sunghoon was supposed to come over and they were going to cook together and watch movies. that was until he didn’t show up. as y/n ignored the pinging phone, all from sunghoon trying to apologize and explain. the texts ended suddenly, but soon after, a thud comes from the window. what was that? they wonder. they look out the window to see their boyfriend outside, another rock in his hand ready to throw at the window. they open it and yell down at him “what the hell are you doing here sunghoon?”. “to apologize. please let me in y/n it’s really cold. i know im an ice skater and you call me elsa, but the cold does in fact bother me anyway”. they smile faintly at their boyfriends joke. “fine, i’ll be down in a second. go to the door” he smiles up at them as they close the window. they open the door and are immediately pulled into sunghoons arms. "i'm so sorry angel i didn't mean to forget. vocal practice ran late and i was just so tired that i went straight back to the dorm and fell asleep and i didn't wake up to my alarm-" he rambles on trying to explain himself for skipping their date. y/n couldn't help but smile at his adorable, apologetic state. "hey, it's okay hoon. don't worry" they say. "its not okay! you're upset and i'm such a shitty boyfriend!" they feel bad for him as he clearly felt terrible for the accident. they calmly explain to him "babe, im not upset. it was an innocent mistake. i'd much rather you get rest and accidentally miss our date, then not get rest and come tired or completely forget and we fight. its okay. i'm not mad.". "are you sure you're not mad?" he asks. "not at all" they say, smiling faintly at their worried boyfriend. he responds with a smile back, the adorable fangs that had charmed y/n peeking through. "come on, i expect serious cuddles after our missed date" y/n half jokes, "i couldn't think of a better way to make it up to you" sunghoon replies, the adoring tone clear in his voice. he loved his partner, and he couldn't think of a better way to spend his night then cuddling and watching movies with the person he loved most in this world.

masterlist

luckys note!: THROWING ROCKS AT YOUR WINDOW AT MIDNIGHTTT is what this imagine reminded me of and i LOVE it. if there's any 5sos fam reading this: hey im one of you🤭 but i hope this was good this is like my first written imagine so it might be a bit wonky LMAOO so im open to ways to improve my writing!! i hope you all enjoyed and i hope this is what you were looking for ⭐️ !!! thank you sososo much for your request i very much giggled and smiled a lot while writing this

© lvcky-g1rl-syndr0me, 2024. do not copy, translate or upload any of my works without my permission.

(📍) PERM TAGLIST IS OPEN!

@siya-bean @ivyannemarie

(🎀) ANON/EMOJI LIST IS OPEN!

⭐️

[aihoshiino]

Da Vinci Magazine Jan. 2024: A Q&A with Ai of B-Komachi!

In the January 2024 issue of Da Vinci magazine, there was an in-character interview with Ai as written by Aka Akasaka that you can read a translation of here! What I forgot to mention on that initial post is that there was also a little lightning round Q&A the original anon didn't translate at the time. Thankfully, they did post it and I just... completely forgot it existed until now. ;9 Shout out to past me who remembered to save it and kept me from having to dig thru the 4chan archives for it...

Unlike the original interview, this is my translation! So any goofs and gaffes are entirely on me lol. This is also totally spoiler safe, so you can read both this Q&A and the original interview no matter what point you are in the series.

Get to Know Ai Better! Q&A Session

Q. What motto do you live by?

A. I really like "Tomorrow is a new day." I'm one of those people who forgets all their worries after a good nights' sleep. (laughs)

Q. Tell us how you refresh yourself!

A. I like taking naps on my days off. I was saying earlier that I forget my worries once I've gotten some sleep but with this job, it can be hard to find the time to actually do it. Not just that, but lately I've been waking up in the night to take care of this and that, so when I do have the time to sleep, I really conk out.

Q. What is your routine on days off?

A. I wake up, prep some milk… oh, um - I like cornflakes so I always need milk for breakfast. Then I go for a nap (laughs). I know some of the other B-Komachi members like going to beauty salons or nail salons, but I don't do nails and I let my hair grow out so I'm usually just at home (laughs). I even cut my own bangs! I've been doing it for years so I'm pretty good at it. I've even cut other peoples' hair once or twice, though not anyone in B-Komachi.

Q. Your 20th birthday's coming up soon. What are you looking forward to doing once it arrives?

A. I want to try drinking alcohol. The president of my agency keeps saying, "I can't wait to have a drink with you!" He makes it sound like a lot of fun, so I'm curious to know what getting tipsy's like.

Q. What book left the biggest impression on you this year?

A. It's a manga, but I was moved to tears by "I'll Go With Sweet Today". The heroine is a girl who distrusts people and develops anorexia, becoming terrified of eating… I have a bit of that in me too, though not quite to the same extent she does, so I could really relate to her and her journey to recovery really moved me. If there's ever a live-action version, I'd love to play her!

Q: What would you like to do after the Dome concert?

A: I'd like to go on a trip or something. Where would be nice... Oh, I've heard of 'Mito Natto' before, so maybe Mito!

Q: What's something a fan said that made you happy?

A. You know, I didn't used to read any fan letters at all. But there was a time I was getting tired of being an idol and I was planning to quit, so the president made me sit down and read all the letters I'd gotten. That was the first time I'd ever realized just how much support I was getting and it made me go "in that case, I'll give them all my love and support in return!". I even wrote a song about it. So now I treasure all the letters and words I get from my fans. I actually got a gift from a fan recently, some 'star sand'. It was really beautiful and my real name "star" in it, it made me really happy. I've still got it displayed in my room.

Q: What is "true love" to you?

A. I guess if I had to sum it up, I'd say true love is being a genius who doesn't lie. I think maybe people lie to avoid lying. I'm not sure if that's a good answer and even I don't know if it makes sense, but it's just something I feel.

Q: Do you think you're a liar?

A: Hmm~~? That's a se~cret! (laughs)

[creatingblackcharacters2]

FAQs!

I go by Ice, she/her pronouns 💕. In case you had any of these questions, here you go:

1. "Why'd you make this page?"

I want to make the creation space- fandom to professional- more inclusive for people that look like me.

It is very disheartening when you really like something, and you see that oh! It's going to include a Black character! And then you get that character and... They're subpar. Especially in comparison to the usually white characters that have so much thought put into them. You accept them because you REALLY want that rep, but... We deserve to wholeheartedly accept our characters too, no ehhs about it.

I wanted to challenge myself, using my amateur art skills and my teaching skills, to convey to creators how that makes us feel, and little things they can do to more intentionally create their Black characters. There's more to us than adding to a diversity quota.

2. "So you aren't even a professional?"

I got 28 years of being a Black person on my resume 🤣 jokes aside, I am a self teaching artist. It's only been about a year and a half for me. My more specific goal here is to use my skills to convey a perspective change towards Blackness, not necessarily a "how to do". If you want to learn the specific how-to's of drawing Black characters, there are Black artists all over Tumblr and the web that can show you! I will always actively encourage you to go check them out and support them, it's a great way to learn as well as to support our community!

3. "But if you're not a professional, why should I trust you?"

Well, again, because I don't have to be a professional to recognize when supposedly Black characters... Don't look like me 😅. Or, in writing, don't have any thought about me behind them. I could show my 88 year old Grandma some art and she'd recognize the issues.

But also, I personally believe that if you start from the foundations thinking about intentionally creating your Black characters, it'll make it much easier for you moving into the future. I am holding my hand out as a Black peer to HELP YOU! There are professional video games and art pieces and projects out there with poorly designed Black characters. The concept clearly needs to be introduced to the people somewhere before a million dollar project is release 🤣 But I can't talk to the people at the AAA studios. I can talk to you!

4. "I don't think race matters/should matter."

Alas, it does, everything we do is affected by our beliefs unconsciously or not- but I'm not going to waste my time and argue with you. This blog isn't for you 🤷🏾‍♀️ this blog is for those who want to take that first step to be better, both as creators and as people. 👍🏾

5. "Do you support AI?"

Not in the arts. Learn how to create, it's very fulfilling.

6. "Do you answer asks?"

I do! However, this is a lesson based page, more than an ask based page. If I think your ask can be answered by one of my lessons, I'll refer you to that lesson. If it's an ask that's relevant to something coming up, I will answer it, but you will find more detail in the lesson coming up! I'm only one person doing this, and I can't answer every singular scenario. Also, keep in mind, if you ask me my opinion on something, I will be fair, but honest!

7. Will you be turning on anons?

Okay: right now, we've earned Anon Office Hours Wednesday 12:30pm thru Friday 6:30pm EST!

Most of this is due to the nature of what I'm discussing. Historically, these topics (and how race is relevant) upset some people, and it can get unsafe. Personally, I have no intention of allowing racists, or those who will take my advice in bad faith, to hide their faces. If you want to hate me, speak with your chest 😤👍🏾

The other part is that it is not a bad thing to ask questions! I did create this blog to be a learning opportunity. So long as you are kind to me and send me asks in good faith, I will be kind to you and reply in good faith. I'm also pretty sure I have the option to answer privately, so if you don't want your question posted publicly, You can say that.

If I get more questions, I'll update this!

[artistfingers]

Not to sound weird or ask for tmi but as someone struggling to figure out how to get top surgery, do you mind telling about your process on approval/how you went about being able to get top surgery?? It’s okay if you’d rather not get into it btw!

Congrats by the way, I’m excited for you!

ty anon!! and for sure. it's a big process and i was super fortunate to have a lot of support throughout. of course, this is my very specific experience in one state of the USA, so that is all i can speak to here and standard disclaimers apply

the TLDR is just: information, information, information. making sure you know all the coverage requirements for insurance, your hospital, etc, as soon as possible, will help you get ahead of any problems that could arise.

for me, the first step was getting my own insurance. i don't get it thru work, and i'd moved states the year before, so i was no longer properly covered by my parents' insurance.

i did some research and selected an insurance that covered my existing therapist, was accepted at a local gender-friendly Drs clinic recommended by a friend, and had good policies about surgery stays, and doable monthly premiums. and by doable, i mean, it's really expensive but i had some help from family for a while and negotiated for my job to reimburse some of it so. lots to do. and i'm looking forward to reducing to a less expensive one next year hahaha

i'd also recommend is checking if your hospital/surgeons of choice are in your coverage up front, as well as seeing what the insurance requires on their checklist around gender affirming care and surgeries. this might come with things like length of time on hrt, affirmation from a therapist that you are capable of making sound decisions, etc. i didn't check a lot of that coverage and stuff upfront and it gave me a heart attack later ajhsdgfs

in terms of hospitals/surgeons of choice, i was also very fortunate to have a friend recently go through this process. seeing their process and results helped me a lot, especially in making me feel like it was an attainable goal. it also made it an extremely easy choice for me to choose what hospital/surgery center to go to!

anyway, new insurance in hand, i started seeing a new dr and was upfront about my goals around hrt and surgery, even tho they weren't exactly the same almost two years ago as they turned out to be now.

for surgery, i was required to get a letter of support from my therapist, so after discussing with her in more detail, she wrote a letter and my doctor submitted it with a referral to the hospital/surgery center of my choice.

my therapist is not experienced with gender affirming care, so if you're in a similar situation, i'd recommend doing some research about what your letter of support needs to include. my first letter did not meet any of the requirements, which i only found out at my surgery consult.

idk if this applies everywhere, but my letter needed to meet guidelines laid out by WPATH Standards of Care 8 for gender dysphoria IE, diagnosis of gender dysphoria and support for your chosen surgery. additionally, like i mentioned before, your insurance might have its own requirements. my therapist gave me a draft of the 2nd letter and i cross-referenced it with my insurance's list of requirements before submitting it to the hospital.

but rewinding - after the initial referral, it was a waiting game to be called for a consult. when they did call me, it was originally scheduled for 2025, before being moved up to june 2024. i think these timeframes had a lot to do with the demand and back-ups from covid.

i had my consult in june then worked with my therapist for a new letter. once it was ready, i submitted it to the surgery team. i also had a follow-up call with my surgeon. then, i was called for surgery scheduling and my claims were submitted to insurance by the hospital. about a week later, i was notified via mail that insurance had given prior approval for my surgery.

i'd also like to note that once i had my consultation date set, i went about applying for financial aid directly from the hospital. because these surgeries can run $10k+ it was really stressful to not know the kind of bill i'd be looking at, what it would do to my savings, or if my insurance would cover me. every hospital should have its own financial aid office, and i've found the people at mine were super kind and helpful. it was a lot of filling out forms, providing tax info, proof of residency, etc etc etc. i had to provide additional documents at one point and then was finally approved for 65% assistance, which was a huge relief. that means whatever my insurance doesn't cover, i will only be paying 35% out of pocket. this approval came with another list of conditions that can qualify/disqualify you from the hospital's program, so i'd also try to look into those upfront if you can.

aaaaaand then finally!! with the surgery date set, it's just been a lot of logistics and planning. travel, time off work, getting together stuff i'll need for recovery, getting assistance from family, having Big Conversations About Gender With Family.... and now it's So Soon. feels surreal.

so yeah! that was my messy process. half doing research and half being patient. i hope this info is helpful!!

[monstersandmaw]

i saw your post about feeling like it isn't worth it to write cuz of reblogs lacking etc and wanted to let you know that even if they're not interacting with it, somebody out there saw it and enjoyed it, or even needed it.

i feel a bit bad for dragging my feet on this, am sorri, but i wanted to say thank you for your writing, the way you build up your little worlds and scenes and characters, and fill them with this genuine little warm and cozy feeling that you can just curl up in. (and pull off plot beats and subtle hints like a pro. :})

because i stumbled across your stories when i was at a severe low point, trying to patch myself up mentally after an abusive mess. and your stories, your writing, all the warmth and coziness and genuineness and just how sweet and intimate you craft relationships- it helped. deeply. it helped remind me what a good healthy and loving relationship looks like, what i should look up to and gauge a future one on, what i shouldn't bend on just because someone doesn't like it - and yes, i know, you're not the sole arbiter of relationship standards, please don't worry - but it still helped so much then. it reminded me that the hell i went though wasn't normal, wasn't on me, and i kept going thru your stories to remind me on the worse days. and those bad days kept coming less, because reminding me eventually gave me a small little constant flame of understanding and hope and relief with all this. and so your writing means and represents so fucking much to me. so thank you. so much.

obviously one person's experience doesn't make up for that work-to-appreciation ratio, or even a tiny number. but i hope knowing that for someone, (maybe even many someones), your writing represents more than just regular reading fodder- helps lessen the feeling of writing not being worth it for you. even if it's a tiny tiny bit.

I don’t have enough words for how lovely and kind (and brave) this is of you, Anon. Thank you.

I never mean to guilt trip people into reblogging, and only ever mean it as a general rule to encourage people who don’t know or aren’t sure about the etiquette, or to remind people who just comment ‘more pls’ without any other effort/nuance.

For those like this sweet Anon who don’t have the spoons or the energy or the time or whatever, you absolutely carry on as you are. It’s always so hard making posts which try to get people fired up about reblogging because I know it’s also going to look like I’m pressuring the quieter folk to do something they’re not comfortable with etc.

Know that at the heart of it, you’re all welcome here, whether you’re lurking and chilling out, or reblogging left right and centre.

Thank you for taking the time and effort out of your day to reassure me with this, Anon, and I hope you know you’re as treasured and valued as anyone else who contributes to this community simply by being here with us to enjoy all the creations people share.

Take good care of yourself, and goodnight from a very warm room somewhere in the south of England :). 👻💤

[octoberautumnbox]

Hi Box, I'm starting out as a writer and I want to ask you, how do you feel about using AI in writing? Thanks!

Hi anon! If you write yuri, pls be sure to tag me! Also reach out thru dm or discord if u wanna chat more hehe

This is a very long answer kinda, so I'll put keep reading here so everyone who isn't interested can keep scrolling along :)

I'm actually pretty against AI in writing, in all aspects but especially in fanfiction. Bad example, but imagine this:

The room is a grand space, standing at a height of 10 meters from floor to ceiling, exuding an air of elegance and spaciousness. Its walls rise up to meet the ceiling in a seamless blend of architecture, creating an expansive area that feels both imposing and welcoming. The smooth marble floor stretches out beneath, gleaming softly under the ambient lighting. Its surface is pristine, free from any imperfections, offering a mirror-like reflection of the room's surroundings. The cool touch of the marble underfoot adds a sense of luxury and sophistication to the space. (ChatGPT)

and

The high ceilings give off the impression of royalty, and you're sure you could shoot a bullet straight up and have it fall back down before it hits anything. Your shoes clack and slide on the smooth floor, and you wonder how anyone would keep their balance when each step you take is nearly a slip yourself. (OctoberAutumnBox)

Perspective is a powerful thing in writing, and showing how the environment affects a character or how interactions take place within it is a clear way to follow what's going on. That leads me to my next point:

Remember Chekhov's Gun, anon! Some may argue they use AI to write the boring or unnecessary parts, but I say to that, there are no boring or unnecessary parts! If your phone wasn't on silent in the start, you never would have missed her calls by the end.

There's just some stuff AI can't capture for you, and you're much better off growing as a writer (or artist or whatever really) without using it. Do reach out, I promise I don't bite ahahaha just lmk if you need help with writing and I'll do my best to lend a hand :)

However I do wanna say this might be a polarizing opinion, and ultimately if you choose to use AI then I don't have any authority at all to tell you to stop. I just think that writing is a very fun activity and I'm advocating that you give your writing muscles as much practice as you can!

[theoxenfree]

cort!! i saw that you watched exhuma and idk if you shared it already but i’d love to know your thoughts on it!

it’s on my watchlist for a while!!! and being the believer/superstitious person that i am, when i was deep diving about the movie, i heard they had to have a real shaman on site because the rituals they did for the film were VERY REAL.

i heard some of the actors even felt sick after shooting some scenes. real interesting stuff. anyways anyways, thoughts and reviews? 🎤

aside from the guy being terribly hot

OKAY, so, sorry for the delay, ryū!! I wanted to collect my thoughts on the movie bc it's definitely one of the better "horrors" I've watched in quite sometimes. hot guy is lee do-hyun btw, courtesy of anon lmaoo

what I'll point out right away bc I feel like I don't have a place to discuss it is that:

there are quite a few critical scenes of the japanese occupation of korea, which was a horrific historic occurrence, ofc. I do not know much more than that, so I won't speak more than there's some tension weaved into some scenes. the nuances of that time in history is probably something I wouldn't pick up on, but it was done so well that even I could follow what was being conveyed throughout the film.

however, that aside, I think this movie did remarkably well weaving korean folklore and buddhism into japanese folklore and buddhism, from my very meager understanding of all of those things. the particular rituals you're probably referencing were very intense in ways that I can't even describe, they certainly felt authentic as well.

somehow, those scenes were really able to drag me in and make me simultaneously uncomfortable, amazed, and look at them with some semblance of reverence. they're exceptional, but they're not easy to sit through imo.

the cinematography was absolutely one of the best things about this film—everything was shot so thoroughly, so beautifully, so thoughtfully and meaningfully. the cast and acting were spectacular; they put together a really good team.

as for the horror aspect of the movie: I would put it anywhere in my top ten for being "scary", but it was sufficiently spooky when it needed to be and relied more heavily on atmosphere to unnerve you and get the scares across, which I think it accomplished. there is some amount of gore, but I wouldn't say it's gratuitous in any way imo.

the plot itself is heavily steeped in the folklore and the historical occupation that I mentioned earlier and it never really gets away from that, which I can respect and appreciate. the directors and producers clearly had a solid objective and they stuck with it until the end.

my advice is to make sure that you're REALLY tuned into this movie if you want to stay on top of the plot. it isn't one of those horror movies where you can be in-and-out of it and still expect to achieve full effect of what the film crew was trying to accomplish, and still expect to know what's really going on.

bc they have separate "parts" which are telling a bigger story thru stacking different pieces on top of each other. so you NEED to pay attention.

overall, I really really really really loved this movie. I love watching different cultural/folklore takes on different things within the horror genre and I think that exhuma did it so beautifully

[mrs-nate-humphrey]

i hope I’m not bothering you by asking but i was just wondering about if they didn’t forget that dan and jenny were siblings in s3 (but still without changing the actual plot of the season tho, so like extra scenes) how do you think they would interact and scenes w/ them would be like? because i’m literally thinking about any time they ever interacted in s3 and the only two i can think of are a) in the episode of everyone trying to stop jenny from losing her virginity (which is weird) dan talks to jenny for two seconds before going over to vanessa and b) dan punching ch*ck (which was v satisfying to watch but like, any scene of them actually talking beforehand would’ve been great, thanks)

hiii you're not bothering me at all! i'm a bit late to respond to this because of like, medical reasons (all good now!) but i did want to respond to this eventually. i feel like i have already said something about the humphrey sibs but it's genuinely been so long that i barely remember what i said.

disclaimer that it is fuck o' clock in the morning so im not sure how coherent this ask is, also disclaimer that i havent watched gg in a while so i may be a lil out of touch.

trusting my mutuals to respond if anything i said makes no sense though kldfhgfdkl y'all know who you are you are the real ones

i think it'd be complicated but interesting if the humphrey sibs were there for each other consistently, because s3 is features queen jenny, and dan & vanessa being closer-than-before in uni, so i think there is some amount of distance in both their lives in terms of like. wondering why the other is doing whatever it is that they're doing. they're not both in high school any more, hell, they don't even live together any more, and dan for the first time in his life is a popular kid! jenny seems to be on top of the social hierarchy but of course nothing comes without a price! so there's like an inherent newness to both their situations which is unrelatable to the other. like however much dan wants to help jenny, or jenny wants to understand dan, they're both living thru stuff the other hasn't been through & so on. theyre in different eras of their lives, etc etc.

which isn't to say that they can't support each other, but it is to say that what that support would look like would be messy and confusing, i feel. they would have to actively learn how to be there for each other, or whatever else. there would be a learning period and also a "oh, you're not actually happy? i thought you were finally thriving what's wrong" kind of thing from dan @ jenny, possibly. because s3 is sad like that, it's a good time for dan (mostly??) and a horrible time for jenny.

i do think dan would not be okay with the way everyone is being oddly sexual towards jenny re: her virginity but like we see in 1x05 where he tells her off in front of her friends for wearing a dress that he compares to a cocktail napkin, sometimes he just .... does not realise that he is doing more harm than good/being misogynistic, etc. but as an anon once pointed out on here to me, comparing s1 dan to s3 dan isn't fair, because by the time we reach s3 dan HAS grown a lot as a character, and i honestly headcanon him to be far more feminist & thoughtful in how he treats the women in his life at that stage, compared to s1. so while i DO think he would take serious offense at how everyone treats jenny, i don't think he would fight for her in an obvious, confrontational way?

like. vanessa would. vanessa would literally SAY "what are you doing this is weird and invasive and creepy" but dan is non-confrontational to a fault. i do think he would like... do something about it in some other way, best case scenario talk about it to serenate alone, later, and tell them off, worst case scenario, classic gossip girl revenge plot where he gets them to break up or something silly like that. idk. don't look at me.

another thing that i think would be important / interesting is like. examining how all these relationships interact keeping the sibling bond in mind. because there was sooo much serena vs jenny tension in s3 and i feel it would've been interesting to actively explore how that was impacting both eric AND dan.

from an extra scenes perspective, i think honestly there would be? should be? conflict AND support. jenny's whole thing this season is that she is lashing out at her support system, isolating, trying to prove a point to the people around her. dan, as her big brother, is going to be extra protective probably, maybe even in ways that bristle her and piss her off. but at the end of the day, dan will drop anything & everything to be there for jenny (this is literally what we see of him in the pilot, in 1x01, so i think it's a foundational aspect of his character) so i think even if she tries to get him to fuck off, he will always love her & be there for her. unlike rufus humphrey, which im stil salty about.

oh, and that too. that's something i think about a lot. dan is caught in a strange space where his dad is civil to him but shitty to jenny, and... how does he navigate that? so much of jenny's behaviour in s3 makes sense to me when we look at the things she went thru in s1 and s2. so, for an interesting humphrey sibs arc i think the cumulative effect of all that keeping in mind how dan was / where he was at different points in jenny's story? and vice versa? those are things that can be layered and emphasized on to add more depth.

so yeah, sibling fights, sibling reconciliation, "what the fuck are you doing with your life" followed by "im sorry i did/said that, it was out of line for me" and maybe some gg schemery of taking down girls who are mean to jenny or getting georgie to leave dan alone together.

hope this answers it !I i am aware it is all over the place, hehe. whoops.

[golbrocklovely]

What's you opinion on the colby and mlp drama? I see some fans are mad at him for "breaking her heart", cause the poor girl was waiting around for 8 years in the hopes of him finally making her his girlfriend and he has the audacity to date another girl. For all we know they're never been in a committed relationship.Her fans should be encouraging her to finally getting over him and move on.

i've gotten an ask about this before, a week or so back. i was against commenting on it just bc i don't want to give mlp the time of day. but as things have slowly played out, via her and her fans… i don't really feel the need to stay silent on it.

there's a lot i'm probably gonna say, so this will most likely be a very long post lol

and to those of you that hate-read the shit i post - especially since you like mlp so much - i ask you kindly to read completely thru. i know that's a lot, but please consider doing it, especially before you send in an ask calling me a "dick rider" for colby just bc i don't immediately say he's a slut and a douchebag for breaking her heart :)

i'm gonna give the briefest of rundowns for those that don't know.

first off, if you want to know how i feel about mlp, here is an ask i answered a while ago detailing most (if not all) of the shit she has done over the years.

secondly tbh, i never understood her relationship with colby. sure, they were always weirdly flirty, seemingly in a will-they-won't-they type of thing. but her livestreams have painted an ENTIRELY different picture. one that paints her as a bit…. unhinged, imo. he doesn't look great either, but i'll get into it.

now, what has been happening recently: i pop in occasionally to her streams but for the most part i steer clear bc she annoys me too much. i have friends that tell me everything, plus you guys. but i have witnessed some stuff with my own two eyes. when she first started streaming, she was NONSTOP talking about colby. answered any and all questions about him, how they were super close, talked about adventure buddies, said all the good poems in her book are about him, even saying she was gonna have him on at some point soon. and she was gonna have him in videos soon as well.

as you have pointed out, anon, her fans are mad that he "broke her heart" but how that became "reality", so to speak, stems from this: her sister asked her what she was doing for nye, and mlp said she had no plans bc "no one asked her yet" to do anything. fast forward to after colby's bday, aka around the time the pics of him and m leaked, and suddenly mlp is not streaming.

the stream she did a couple days after colby's bday is a new level of crazy i haven't seen from her bc she just aired it ALL out. and even if she didn't do that, her fans with their big ass mouths on twitter, insta, and tiktok, have been doing it for her.

she explained to her chat that she just went thru a breakup, basically. that it was an eight/nine year long situationship that was on and off again…. interestingly, her and colby have been friends since 2015. which would be…. eight/nine years.

very clearly, she is talking about colby, without saying his name.

now, there was someone in chat that said something about situationships, someone else asked what a situationship is, and the person replied with "a sexual relationship but with no commitment" or something vaguely like that. mlp immediately said "oh that's not what i had."

………so, you're telling me that whatever went on between the two of them….. wasn't sexual…. at all??? maybe i don't understand what a situationship is then, bc i was under the impression that the SEX PART was kinda the whole point. otherwise…. you just kinda have a friendship. an emotional situationship is just not a thing lol

even tho she kept telling her chat "i can't talk about this", she just kept going. she said that la changes ppl, that she thought they were on the same page for years and then all of sudden things took a turn. she thought she knew him well bc she was so close to him for so long. she can't talk about it publicly bc it's "too obvious" and she has to stay offline bc it's all on social media (which really just… seals the deal that it's about colby lol). she said she cried in his face and he said nothing. she also, verbatim, said "it's like one week you're their everything and then the next they want to go party and be with crazy girls and i'm not crazy" which…. cmon girl. you might as well have said m's name atp.

now, with all of this out of the way… how do i personally feel about this, since my opinion is so valid lol jk

for years, mlp has made it her mission to plant the seeds thru out the fandom that her and colby were secretly dating behind the scenes. that they had something going on but "oh guys, i can't talk about it ;)", playing coy and never outright shutting down the rumors. i have literal ss from her fan accounts saying "you guys don't know the truth. of course colby would never tell the full story" and shit like that. these are fans that fully were in GROUP CHATS with her for years, listening to her every word. so it's very clear to me she was telling them directly what was going on.

or at least the good parts - that her and colby were a thing.

but colby CONSISTENTLY has said time and time again that he is single, that he is not looking for a gf, that he hasn't had one since 2016, that he hasn't met someone he wants to spend the rest of his life with. he has said all of that to us for YEARS. now, unless bts he was saying to mlp "oh baby, you know i'm just lying to the fans" that is the ONLY WAY he would be completely in the wrong here. regardless, colby has been seen publicly with girls so. many. times. mlp has been called out for liking edits making fun of said girls! she's also been rumored to be his guard dog, to loom over him, that he needs to "keep his bitch on a lease" - and the ppl who said this were the girls that were fucking with him. so she isn't in the dark that he is with other ppl.

and again, a situationship is NONCOMMITTAL. that means they aren't dedicated to each other. she herself has been with other guys, she admitted that. so why is it colby is the asshole here?

her fans are claiming that he flaked on her, that he chose m over her….. babes, that's not how this works. first off, again - noncommittal. these are the terms and conditions they BOTH agreed to. they have been playing this cat and mouse game since like 2016. nothing about their relationship has changed since then, let's be honest here. secondly, she literally said out loud "no one has asked me" aka COLBY DIDN'T MAKE PLANS WITH HER. so, he can't flake on someone he didn't make plans with. and this is no shade to mlp - but she doesn't drink, she doesn't party. colby for years has always been a partier. what exactly was he supposed to do with her on nye???? i'm not saying that to be mean. i say this as someone who is a wallflower, a stick in the mud, a prude, a straight-edge, ect ect. i haven't partied since i was in my early 20s. i get the lifestyle she has. i'm just saying realistically, of course he's not gonna want to hang out with her on one of the biggest nights to party.

now, all of this is not to say that she is the only one that did wrong in this situationship. colby should have said something long before now. but he liked that she emotionally supported him, he liked he could rely on her for his emotional needs to be fulfilled. he should have realized how deeply into him she was. he should have cut the chord long before things got to what they are today. but to bring it back to mlp, since this is about her mostly - she is 30. THIRTY. she has been playing this game since her early 20s. she knew what she signed up for. they haven't even had sex. with all that deep emotional bond shit they had going on - they never got intimate in that way. and clearly, she never had a problem with it. until now.

i think for the entirety of their relationship, mlp knew at the drop of a hat colby would come running to her - and vice versa. i think this is the ONE TIME he chose someone else over her. that, tied with the fact that she was making all these promises of him being in her content - videos, her documentary, streams - she NEEDED colby to say yes to all of this. and maybe he said yes, but then changed his mind. maybe he said he was too busy, and when she found out what he was busy with (hanging out with m on nye), it finally clicked that he was not into her like she was into him. even tho as a fan that has been obvious for years now.

and while i don't like mlp, i don't wish her harm. i don't wish her to be heart broken or sad. i know exactly what she is going thru. all of my dating experience has been unrequited love. i get it. trust me. however, you can't play innocent and naive. you knew what colby was doing all this time. and sure, he's a dick for not stopping this sooner. but you clearly knew what was up - YOU COULD HAVE LEFT. you had years, eight years in fact, to leave at any point. but you accepted what you could get, and you milked it for all it was worth. not to mention, but how did you expect him to want to be with you when you are in gcs with his minor fans talking about him constantly??? that man likes to keep things private, and you were basically shouting it from the rooftops.

not only that, but you played the fun game of shitting on any girl he was friends with or hooking up with. and only apologized when you got called out for it. and then tried to play the whole "i'm all for women supporting women" bs. let's be real honest, cards on the table - you only support women when you deem them as nonthreatening. the moment a woman is competition to you, especially in regards to getting attention from colby, you shit on them. bc you're scared. you're scared he will choose them over you.

also this doesn't even take into the fact that why would you want him to date you at this point when he has made it clear he doesn't like you like that? you want him to lie and pretend to be into you?

all of this being said, while i do have some sympathy for her, i also really don't. and the reason for it is bc she LIES. she egregiously lies, and has done it multiple times in her live streams (and obviously for years now).

here's two main ones, off the top of my head: one, she said she doesn't who corey scherer is…… besides the fact that apparently she has been in colby's life since basically corey was there, i find it hard to believe she doesn't know who he is. one reason is bc she used to go over to the old trap house. she 100% met him. and you know why i know this? reason number two, SHE IS IN THE BACKGROUND OF ONE OF COREY'S VIDEOS. she is there, sitting next colby. watching corey do something goofy for his vlog. why she would lie about this, idk.

two, and this is a bit of a weird one, she said she doesn't like zoos. she said bc she's vegan, zoos make her upset and cry and that she wants animals to be free or whatever. okay, hey, that's valid. and you might be like "how is this a lie?" well, back in september, when snc were in hot topic. she went with colby to said store. you know what they did after that (maybe even before)? THEY WENT TO A ZOO. i got the video clips of her giggling with colby over a capybara. the last time she seemingly hung out with him publicly was THEM GOING TO A ZOO. when she answered this question on stream, i was confused. bc she literally was just at a zoo with colby. so why lie??

she doesn't even benefit from lying about this shit. so what is the point?

and the reason why a lot of this deeply pisses me off is bc of how two faced these fans of hers (and colby's) are. in chat, she will have ppl kissing her ass, saying colby is a shitty guy. he's emo trash, he's a douche, they want beat the shit out of him from breaking her heart. he's a slut, and they even trash m. all that. but then, weirdly, on twitter and on xplrclub these same exact fans are begging, PLEADING, for colby to give them a crumb of attention. making edits of him, buying the merch, tagging him relentlessly. so… which is it? is he a dickhead, or is he this swell guy you want to have say your name in chat? pick a fucking lane.

okay. i'm done now :) lol

[weirdestcornelius]

honestly i think i can remember a few posts where kittycorn has been like "i say cometcare is the happy ending but they're incredibly dysfunctional lol" but like. idk... it feels like main sparklecare, where the main story only comes up and is thought about when it HAS to be, and otherwise it's all cutesy and comfort and shipping. if you're gonna tell a story, tell a story!!! don't make us pick thru unrelated stuff for crumbs of story!!!

So real anon. There's so much we haven't learned in both CC AND SC. I'm just a bit obsessive with my hyperfixations and special interests but frankly I wish we had less fluff and more actual storyline.

We don't know who broke Eve out of her egg, for starters. Not even a hint. Doom did seem to get all anxious and jittery when it was eventually mentioned though, so unless some random staff member did it I'm honestly confused on how the heck that happened. Pretty sure they didn't have any kids at the time of the cover-up and I can only imagine that Cuddles didn't like. Dropkick a child out of their egg for no reason. But I can assume that we're not going to be seeing him anytime soon, if at all, in CC. I feel like it will eventually be explained what actually happened to him but I'm waiting for arc five for that. Kc has said that it's the most interesting arc storyline-wise so HOPEFULLY we'll get more info about it.

There's things in SC that haven't been explained to. How the heck are the rats part spider if there's no arachnid anthries? Why do Funfetti and Pinata have to stay in the hospital? It's been mentioned that Funfetti has gone to jail before (I think. I'm not sure how but I think she mentioned it in v3) BUT Kc continues to say he's completely innocent so I'm not sure how that works. Of course not everyone who goes to jail is a bad person because the jail system fucking sucks and targets people that the government doesn't like, but that's still a very gray undeveloped area.

Also we were told that we'd get Cuddles' backstory at some point, but Kc specifically said "Nothing bad has ever happened to him" which makes him SUCH a BLAND CHARACTER. I wish we would get more interesting character arcs instead of just crumbs of story immediately followed by shipping material. v4 was absolute whiplash for me because one moment this character is having a mental breakdown, oh that's sa- oh it's barruni. Look this character is suffering from someth- oh it's a sex joke. Doom had a near death fucking experience! He was SET ON FIRE and it was still just leading to a sex joke.

It's not just that we aren't getting a lot of story that's the issue, any story we do get is interrupted by sex jokes or ship material. It's perfectly fine to have all three in the same issue, of course it is! But you need to learn how to cushion some areas in-between otherwise it's going to confuse your readers. You can't expect us to feel moved by an emotional scene but immediately follow said scene up with a sex joke.

[nightmare-dreamt]

Hi there i am not sure if your matchups are open but i wanna shoot my shot lol feel free to delete and apologies if they are closed :)

Id like a matchup for aot, demon slayer and tokyo ghoul (but mostly DS so if it is easier for you to only write one, pls do DS)

I am a bisexual guy so idm any gender, but pls give me adult characters.

A lil about my personality: im an entp. I think if my friends were to describe me they'd say im helpful, talkative and open-minded. I'm the type of guy to have a lot of random accumulated knowledge that is also struggling to pick a career lol. I talk a lot and seek stimulation thru conversations. It is my favourite way of learning and i find that i remember things best when it is a fragment of a conversation i had. I show my love for other people thru acts of service and i feel most loved when people give me some quality time.

Likes: board games, long walks, long convos, jewellery, animals, museums, travelling, webtoons & manga (esp psychological or crime stuff), history

Dislikes: close-minded people, politics (it makes me clutch my forehead lmao), networking, unnecessarily rude ppl (esp to service staff)

Appearance: tall, dark hair, pale-ish, thick brows, always in dark loose clothing but with cool jewelry

Thanks a lot in advance if you end up doin this and if not, it is fine. have a good day :)

Matchup for Anon!

Levi Ackerman:

He would fall for someone who is helpful and caring, wanting someone who isn't afraid to show their soft side and be there for someone who is in need. He spends a lot of nights in his office doing paperwork and sometimes he'll fall asleep on acident, but his heart always skips a beat when seeing his favorite tea in front of him when he wakes up.

Acts of service, like mentioned before. He has a bad sleep schedule so someone who would help him and do simple tasks would make his heart swell. If you're making a mess, but then clean your mess up when you're done, he's in love. Bring him his tea or something to eat, he has hearteyes like he's making sure not to let you go.

This man has been dead for centuries and he has never found someone as talkative as you, but for some reason he doesn't mind, not at all. He enjoys listening to your conversations and putting his own thoughts into them, never feeling ashamed of them or disturbed. He would never tell you to stop talking and instead would tell you to keep going wanting to have a long conversationw with you. He also likes your voice and laugh, so it's just a win win.

During any moment in time, Muzan would drop everything for you and spend as much time that is needed. You miss him? Well guess what, he's at your door ready to spend the next week by your side. You want to go somewhere? Well guess who's coming with. This man is never leaving your side, unless you want him to then of course he will.

[actualbird]

Before the actual ask, i have a suggestion: maybe add some general non-tot asks/req rules? bc i'm writing this rn like "this may be uncomfortable but i don't want to make you uncomfortable but i don't know if it will make you uncomfortable but-" 😭😭😭

now um, my ask:

i'm currently getting struck by gender dysphoria at very random moments and i don't like it. thing is, i don't know what my gender might be since it goes both ways and I was wondering, if you wouldn't mind sharing: how did you figure out you're trans?

hi anon!!! lemme go thru this one by one but first, i wanna preface everything with: dont worry, none of this makes me uncomfortable and you said nothing wrong. theres nothing here that cause for panic on ur end, it's alright, ur alright :D

okay so

on general non-tot asks/req rules:

i do have these rules!! theyre just not as Many as my tot-specific ones, but on my rules page u'll find these in the 2nd section :D

theyre like, reaaaaally general but the overall rule for all other asks is basically "be nice, i cant read tone well, and dont spam" so no worries, ur all good. i dont wanna make these rules any more specific because everything else seems like a case to case basis yknow

and now to the bulk of my answer

on trans stuff:

short answer on how i found out i was trans: it made me happy. god, it made me so happy and it makes me happy to this day.

long answer: come with me, anon, through my gender journey through the years....JKSDHVFKJSDHVKFSD

ok so for the longest time i knew i wasnt completely woman aligned in the gender department. like, from ages 14-20 i had identified as a bunch of different genders. first i identified as bigender, then i backpedaled and went back to just having "she/her" in my bio because i had a Moment Of Panic wondering "no no the Genders are for people who Really Truly Identify (whatever that means) and i shouldnt co-opt these terms because im not even sure what i am!! im not allowed to identify as bigender until i really figure it out!!*", and then for a while i identified as nonbinary, and then the pandemic happened which i think hilariously due to the lockdowns had the cool side effect of many people figuring out Personal Things and at some point in 2021 i was like ".....hey im a guy, actually. it makes me happy to be a guy"

*sidenote 1: this "but am i allowed to?" worry is a common thing i see a lot from other people also going through their journey of questioning their gender, and i wanna talk about it specifically later on in this response, but bACK ON TOPIC FIRST---

sidenote 2: yes, like a pokemon trainer, i have collected the three starter pronouns. she, they, and he. KJHAVFLASVFALSJK

backtracking through the other genders i had identified as, i'd chosen them all at the time for similar reasons: joy. i identified as bigender because i felt recognized for the first time, an identity where i could be both feminine and masculine. i identified as nonbinary because i adored the comfort of that freedom and that fluidity. i identify as a trans guy now because i realized that i can find joy in being a guy and still enjoy expression of "non-guy" things because guys who like pink and frilly fashion and plushies is still a valid and real type of guy, it's the type of guy i am. and these are more on the positive markers of gender expression, the opposite of gender dysphoria: gender euphoria, the happiness when gender stuff feels just right

btw, you are indeed using the term gender dysphoria correctly. that simply pertains to any kind of distress or upsetness due to gender things Not feeling right. within that definition, theres no requirement for you Already Having To Identify to use it, because otherwise thatd mean anybody who found out they were trans only after experiencing gender dysphoria was using it incorrectly, which seems rather silly. and even if the definition Did have that requirement.......who cares? JKHDFVSKDJHFVKSD i mean that in the most genuine and sincere way ever, because so long as it is harming nobody, who cares what word you use? sure, a Bunch of people care actually, and a bunch of people will pitch a fit policing on being allowed to use certain gender words and whatnot. but in general ive taken to trying to remember that like.....gender stuff is a Personal thing. it is the business of the Person Themselves, as it is our identity. it is up to us to define it, to explore it, to make our own choices on it. and well....generally, people who think your expression is any of their business is, at best, nosy, or at worse, a bigot.

i went on a tangent there sorry VSDFLJBFL, but my point is dont worry, youre using the term right. if youre feeling Not Good because something about The Genders doesnt fit, yeah thats dysphoria. and im so so sorry youre experiencing this, because it sucks

i said before that my main marker for realizing gender stuffs was the presence of a positive emotion, instead of the presence of a negative one. but i also experienced gender dysphoria, it just wasnt as big of a thing in my own journey. for me, it was less of a wrongness and more of a vague...discomfort. like wearing shoes that dont fit. it's fine some days but other days i couldnt stand it but my legs still work and i was much more focused on the times i Did find figurative shoes that fit immensely well.

.....oh something i think that wld be important for me to mention is that i kinda....somehow always knew i was of Another Gender. but i kept hesitating and kept backtracking because, kinda like what you say, it went both ways for me

im a guy. but i also really liked things that are traditionally seen as feminine, i still do. ive got a closet full of lolita fashion dresses, mixed in with the ridiculous amounts of plaid shirts ive got. throughout my life, i was never really regarded as masculine by other people, more often i was seen by others as some kind of manic pixie androgynous being. and these things, they made me hesitate. how can i be a guy if so much of who i am is seen by others as Not-Guy stuff?

well, eventually it's cuz i figured that what others think should have nothing to do with who i am and who i choose to be. relating back to what i said about Genders being a personal thing yknow. why was i so worried about what other people thought of a thing that only concerned me?

yknow one of the most gender affirming experiences ive ever had in my life was back was i was in college. i was just going out and about for a group work thing, and the classmates along with me were rowdy manly cisguys and i was feeling low and it showed, i was all meek and sad and shit. and then this lady came up to me, and i didnt get to know if she was a transwoman or a femme presenting gay man, but she sat with me and chatted with me and eventually she asked

(this convo happened in filipino but roughly translated it went)

her: do you want to be a boy?

me: yes (i answered so instinctively. at the time, i was identifying as nonbinary, but she asked a question and i gave my honest answer. yes. yes i did.)

her: well, youre very handsome! youre more handsome than any of them //gestures at the cisguy classmates

and that stucks with me to this day. another queer person asking Me what I Wanted, and affirming that. didnt matter that i looked like how i looked, that i obviously wasnt as objectively or normatively masculine as the cismen around us. what mattered was what i wanted, and i was handsome for it, and that was that.

after that we just talked about pop music, but i felt so good the rest of the day

now...on the unwritten question here of "how do you (as in, anon, or any other reader out there) know you're trans (or any kind of other gender designation)?" or if you already know you are some other gender, how do you figure it out? who do you ask?:

im sorry for how cheesy or seemingly unhelpful what im going to say next is, but i cannot stress how crucial it is: the only person who can ever answer these is You. ask yourself what makes you happy, what would alleviate your discomfort, what would cause comfort, what youre drawn to, etc.

but if i can give any unsolicited advice on that....itd be to make sure that the person youre asking, the person who is giving the answer, is really You. not the thoughts or opinions of other people, not the rules of what is considered 'norm', not the fears or the worries circling around the question, dont ask those things dont find the answer in those things. the person to give the answers is You.

and btw!! You can change sometimes. and sometimes your answer can change too, and thats okay if ever that happens. all my prior answers to this question changed in through life, and it doesnt mean any of my prior answers were wrong (sans the time i backpedaled, because then i wasnt getting the answer from Me, i was getting the answer from Worries). it just meant that those were the answers for Me when i was at that stage of my life.

tldr: i figured out i was trans because it made me so damn happy to be and also because i stopped giving a shit about what other people thought

i hope this response makes sense and that theres something in here that can help you out. im wishing you the best, anon <3

[defensivelee]

ok... i just blocked anon at this point but heres what they said bc apparently i didn't read what i wrote myself(?!)

i would just leave it at that, but honestly? i do wanna address some things here not bc i feel the need to defend myself to anon, but bc i wanna make it clear to you ppl WHY all this stuff was written.... like im not gonna sugarcoat it, i DO enjoy writing this bc hi. huge whump lover here. making pretty people suffer is my favorite thing. but it's also so important to say that this is FICTION (this is historical rpf which is kinda funny but still, none of this actually happened). there is no real abuse going on so there is no need for any of this performative bullshit. anon is just wasting time bc it goes without saying but i would never ever condone or do this shit irl. idk how it works for other ppl but for me fiction does not affect reality, the only way it does is that it makes me happy precisely because i can do whatever i want and nobody gets hurt. and these mfs dont care, they're dead im sure they have better things to do. anyway i just wanna say:

all the details anon is giving me abt my story makes it sound like they read the whole story, both Dona Dona and the main chapters. that's almost 100k words. when they could have clicked off at any time. when the tags are so clearly right there. like... you did this for what 😭

i assume the gang rape anon is talking about is in the Tenth Hot Spring when Bentinck serviced a bunch of dudes to seal a deal for William. i would find it kind of difficult to describe it as that... but tbh, yeah, it would have been incredibly hard for him to say no. in any case, so sorry to tell you this anon but there are no perfect victims in this AU! he never sees it as rape because he thinks he deserves it, and because he does enjoy it at times. his whole image as an Ally under an Overlifer kind of relies on that. and while i'll tag it properly, i'm not going to sanitize or sugarcoat it as it's a huge part of his character arc. he doesn't think he's allowed to say no or have boundaries, so he won't! in this society i think it would be hard to find a "perfect victim." Bentinck doesn't cry about this because he thinks he's fulfilling his purpose.

Bentinck being described as a shotacon..... im so sorry that was so fucking funny to me LMFAO

i wouldn't say he enjoyed kissing William's father as a boy, he just thinks he did. obv we don't get to see much of it in Dona Dona bc it's from William's POV. but even then, as an adult, he stills sees it as an honor. AGAIN, part of his whole arc of how he views himself, the religion, and his role in it. that event is kind of the starting point of that, it was put there for a reason and not bc i actually think kids can consent/enjoy assault! in my experience, they can think they did. here again, the perfect victim narrative does not always reflect reality.

you're right, kids can't initiate that! like i said in my disclaimer, it's a result of grooming and how they've been raised. they think they are, but it's just making them easier to abuse. i never once believed they could consent.

im not a rapist period full stop. just not

yeah i romanticize abusive relationships. in FICTION. they're fun to write. jamesborough is a delightful ship and the succubus au has been so fun to work on. real life abusers can choke and i would encourage anyone in a relationship like the ones i write about to seek help immediately.

Anne called Marly a slut bc SHE is victim blaming. EVERYONE victim blames Marly in this story. it's part of HIS arc. i would not blame any victim of this sort of shit irl. and even then, in this universe "slut" doesn't have such a negative connotation as in our world. yes, it is still victim blaming, but how can you read the story and still have it completely fly by your head like that

im aromantic, which i dont know how you wouldnt have just picked up from idk... SCROLLING THRU MY BLOG LIKE ANON SO CLEARLY DID?? LOOKING AT MY ICON?? so no need to pray for those hypothetical partners, it's never happening.

[arsenalgbt]

Will def stockpile for when you're back and will do my best to at leat have a bit of something up for your return! The uni au has a very solid plan prepared as of right now! For now though, enjoy the first pregnancy reveal! Question about the age gap will be mentioned in the second one which is on its way <3

Ben hadn’t moved from his spot at the dining table by the time Kieran and Leo had returned from the kitchen with coffees for the three of them and a tea for Declan who’d been tasked with getting a movie set up for the kids in the living room. The Trossard-Tierney kids were well mannered and would stay quite while their parents spoke to their uncles, Kieran and Leo had done a good job at teaching their kids that sometimes adults needed time to speak amongst themselves. Ben wondered if he would find teaching his child such a thing easy. Kieran set Ben’s coffee down in front of him and took a seat across from him while Leo went to grab Declan, all three of them excited about what Ben was going to reveal.

They’d known he’d been dating someone seriously for weeks now and were excited to tease him and ask invasive questions just like he’d done to Leo when he’d first started dating Kieran.

“Something wrong with your coffee mate?” Kieran asked, eyebrows knitted together in confusion. It wasn’t unusual for Ben to wait for the other’s before taking a sip of his drink or a bite of any of the biscuits laid out in front of them, but it was certainly unusual for him to scowl at the beverage like it had offended him. Ben just shook his head as Leo and Declan returned, both of them laughing at something or other.

“I’m pregnant” Ben told them once they had all sat down not lifting his gaze from the coffee in front of him. He should have asked for a tea; his doctor had told him to switch to decaf coffee but Ben didn’t believe in drinking that shit. He wanted to drink proper coffee, he wanted to drink white wine and eat sushi and smoke a fucking cigarette. He couldn’t do any of the things he loved and it was all Kalvin’s fault. Kalvin had taken everything from him and left him with the one thing he’d not wanted. A baby.

Leo and Declan looked at each other with wide eyes before looking at Ben who still hadn’t shifted his gaze. His voice had been so calm, so unfeeling, that it almost scared them. Declan was tempted to ask was it a joke as Leo prodded elbowed Kieran into the side as if doing so would prompt him to say something helpful. Leo could always depend on Kieran in moments like this, Kieran fixed things.

“Pregnant?” was all Kieran could say, too surprised by Ben’s revelation to say anything more than that. Ben nodded in confirmation, finally looking up to meet Kieran’s eyes. He couldn’t bring himself to look at Declan or Leo, two people who’d heard him talk about not wanting kids since they were mere kids themselves. Kieran didn’t know the extent of Ben’s feelings towards kids, Kieran wasn’t going to look at  him pityingly or tell him that he had options. He’d support him and his decision to keep the baby. A decision he’d just sealed by telling them about the baby.

“I’m a few weeks along” Ben swallowed, pushing his hot cup of coffee away from gently. It was so tempting to reach out and drink it but he knew at least one of the three men around the table would slap it away from him if they tried. They’d make sure he looked after himself and the baby. He needed them to do so “Met some guy at a bar and well, you and Leo know how it goes when you’re horny and unprepared…”

-💙🤍KT Anon

He wanted to drink proper coffee, he wanted to drink white wine and eat sushi and smoke a fucking cigarette. He couldn’t do any of the things he loved and it was all Kalvin’s fault. Kalvin had taken everything from him and left him with the one thing he’d not wanted. A baby.

it'll get better we promise!!!!!! T___T sorry u gotta go thru this first ben lmaoooooooo