#- cloud strife's words not mine

[takemetorapture]

[minban]

' don't you ever fucking dare do that again! ' she lashes out at cloud, hands sternly gripping at his turtleneck so as to force him to regard her, to stay grounded with her in the moment, ' why do you go around foolishly risking your life?! ' mya admonishes cloud, not sparing him the violent maelstrom of her words, ' i hate it when people do that for me! i hate it when someone wants to die for me! don't you get it?! i am sick and tired of that! '

it is, of course, no fault of his that this has come to be. her father has already taught her to despise the rhetoric of "he fought for you". fuck that! she's never asked for any of that! she's never asked to wake up one day, look in the mirror, and behold part of the reason why her father is dead.

' i'm so damned tired, ' the redhead continues, ' of standing by, powerless and useless, when people i love get hurt for me! or worse, die for me! ' she does not release him from her grasp, lest he dares to turn to dust under her touch. for all that, her touch softens, open palms laid on his chest. her agitated breathing slowly begins to even. ' i forbid you to die for me, cloud strife. do you understand me? ' ( lbr this is probably when mya confessed to cloud she loves him ajshdgfg )

@furiaei / then what is a hero, if not a sacrifice?

wounds mar his skin painting pale flesh in streaks of crimson, tearing through his clothes so that he is covered in his own blood and gore. and he heals so slowly, worn down and exhuasted from the battle he had so easily thrown himself in, using his body as shield for the woman he has come to hold close to his heart, his blade a shining metalic silver that protects her from harm. yet it scarcely protects himself, as he comes out the victor with injuries as his prize and an anguish in his wake, for mya does not appreciate all that he has done for her.

and it's such a silly thing that she does not wish for harm to come to him when it is to protect her, because had she not wished for him to be her hero? had she not brought this title upon him, when he was so tired and exhausted from all that gaia has thrown at him and continues to throw at him. he is gaia's champion, and the planet continues to expect that he will be a sturdy warrior, an unshakable protector.

so cloud does not understand why mya comes to him with anger in her voice and worry in her face, distraught that he had thrown himself in front of her so easily, so willing to face unimaginable dangers, and to face those horrors alone. he does not understand, when she sees her father in him, a whispered pain that she spoke of all that time ago, of his eyes bringing back memories of the past. he thinks that maybe, her father had been her hero once, and mya has soon started to call cloud her hero as well. so what is he to do, but to follow in the footsteps of a figure mya held so dear to her heart, so that he too may be held that closely as well.

"i'm sorry," he whispers through exhaustion, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and pulling her closer so that he may slump against her. "i wanted to protect you, to keep you safe." he needs for her to be safe, so that she may be a beacon of light at the end of the road paved in crimson and corpses, someone to look forward to seeing, to holding in his arms just as he is doing now. he needs her to be that for him, just as she has placed the title of hero so gently on his crown. he wonders if she knows how heavy it weighs him down, if she knows that he has begun to drag his body around beneath that crown lest it crushes him till he is hardly but a speck of flesh on the ground.

cloud buries his face into mya's shoulders, uncaring that his skin is still slowly and painfully stitching itself back together, that he has not stopped bleeding and that he is staining her red as well. he does not wish for the anguish that she presents to him, for her to be worried enough to yell at him, to grab him and shake him until he may see reason in her words. and he gets it, he does. had their roles been reversed, then cloud would not wish for mya to put herself in harm's way for him. and yet this is not the situation at hand, and he hopes it will never be. he hopes that he will always be the one with swords piercing his flesh, with his limbs being torn piece by piece off his joints, that he will be the only one to suffer torments, so that mya will be spared the brunt of the pain.

what a shoddy hero he is, that he can not even speak to mya about promises to ease her worries, to soothe the pain that she feels now. they would all be empty promises that he would never be able to live up to, because he would die for her, he would die for her as many times as he is able to just so that she may live. he will take as much pain as he is able to endure, pain that would not be able to endure, all so that mya may live peacefully. he will not promise her a word, but he nods his head while buried in her neck, so that she may know that he has understood her. so that he will not have to speak to her instead, for he knows that no words that come out of his mouth will be ones that she wants to hear.

[namixart]

It Takes Two

Read on AO3!

"Whatever happens, you can't fall in love with me. Even if you think you have, it's not real."

Cloud takes Aerith's request and turns it into a challenge.

“I’ve been thinking about what you said.” Cloud sat down across from Aerith, and she spotted his frown through the fire burning between them. Their small camp was tucked away in a corner of the Mythril Mines, on a ledge that Cloud and Barret had deemed reasonably defensible. Still, someone needed to keep watch, and it was Aerith’s turn. With Cloud now sitting silently across from her.

Across. Not beside her. Confrontational and direct in a way Cloud usually wasn’t when he joined her during her shifts. Curious.

Aerith cocked her head to the side. “What do you mean?”

He shot her a half-glare, as if she should’ve guessed what he was talking about from his complete lack of preamble. “You know,” he said, predictably, gesturing vaguely with his hand. Confrontational, yes. But still uncomfortable with words. That was a clue as to what he meant, at least. But she wasn’t going to bail him out of that one. Not if he couldn’t even get it out himself. It’d buy her some time, at least.

“I really don’t. You know me—I’m a talker. Can’t remember ‘em all.” She shrugged with a smile.

Cloud huffed. “Oh, I’m sure you remember this one. It’s a doozy,” he said sardonically. He closed his eyes for a moment, steeling himself. “‘Whatever happens, you can’t fall in love with me. Even if you think you have, it’s not real.’” He opened his eyes and raised an eyebrow. “Ring a bell?”

Verbatim. Even two weeks after their shared dream, two weeks of fighting and travelling and trying to change their fate, her words were burned in his memory. Just like the look on his face was burned in hers, she supposed.

Aerith let out a half giggle. “Ah. That does kinda shake a tambourine. What about it?” Stalling, stalling, stalling, buying time until she figured out what to say, what to do. He wanted an explanation, he wanted a say, he wanted the truth, and she couldn’t give it to him. The Whispers had taken it away. She didn’t know why she’d asked him that anymore, but she knew it was important. She knew it was for the best, in spite of the sheer agony it brought her to deny herself the chance to try. The chance to love him. It was important, but she didn’t know why anymore. And now Cloud would want to know.

He frowned at her. “Bullshit.”

Aerith blinked once. Twice. Furrowed her brows. “Well, that’s not very polite,” she said, forcing the airy cheer in her voice. Not what she was expecting, either. “What do you—”

Cloud shook his head. “Bullshit,” he repeated. “You can’t ask someone not to—you can’t ask me that.”

In spite of herself, Aerith cracked half a smile. There he was. Confrontational, yes, but he couldn’t say it twice. Her heart squeezed with affection for her—no, not hers. Never hers. Just Cloud.

“Why?” she asked. She’d beaten him to the punch. A well-placed why was a dangerous weapon. And, when aimed correctly at Cloud Strife, it had the power to make him swerve away from uncomfortable topics like they would burn him.

But he just frowned harder. “Because you don’t get to put that on me.”

Caught off-guard again, Aerith stared. “What?”

Cloud finally averted his eyes from her. “You can’t put that on me,” he repeated. “If you don’t feel—If you don’t want—” He gestured awkwardly between the two of them, and the flames of the campfire trembled— “then fine.”

Aerith forced a smile. This was what she wanted. It was. Distance between them. To protect him. From a threat she didn’t even know anymore. It was what she wanted. “Good. Then—”

“I’m not done.” He met her gaze again, stubborn and resolute. “You don’t get to put this on me. It takes two.”

“Huh?” Thrown off-balance again. It wasn’t supposed to happen. Aerith was supposed to be the one in control of her reactions. “What do you mean?”

Cloud crossed his arms. “I don’t get why you’d ask me that. And I doubt you’ll tell me.” He raised an eyebrow. Touché. But not for the reasons he thought. “I just know it’s got something to do with Whispers and fate and the Planet and all that.” He made a sharp, frustrated gesture in the general direction of the rest of the cave. “I know you wouldn’t have asked if it wasn’t important.”

“That’s right,” said Aerith, slowly. Where was he going with this?

Cloud pressed his lips together. “But you can’t put it on me. I don’t even know why it matters.”

She sighed. “Cloud—”

“It takes two,” he repeated, insistent like he was anchoring himself to those words, “so, if it’s that important, why don’t you not fall in love with me?”

“What!?” exclaimed Aerith, immediately regretting it when her voice echoed a little too loudly in the tunnels. “What?” she repeated in a whisper.

Cloud shrugged, faux-nonchalantly. “You heard me.”

“I did,” said Aerith. “But you—I... You can’t—”

He fixed her with an unimpressed look. “Oh, and you can?”

Aerith frowned. “That’s different.”

“Really.”

“Really.”

Cloud leaned forward, closer to the fire. It cast shifting shadows over his face, but the Mako glow in his eyes was steady. “Explain, then.”

She looked away. “I can’t. Not even if I wanted to. The Whispers—they took that knowledge away from me.”

He frowned again. “Then why—”

“Because I know it was important,” she said, closing her eyes and shaking her head. “I know I was trying to protect you. And that hasn’t changed. So, please—”

Cloud sighed and leaned away. “Fine. Wasn’t expecting an explanation anyway. Still. It’s real unfair of you to put it on me.”

She shot him a lopsided smile. “I’m sorry?”

Cloud shook his head. “Nah. Not good enough. Puttin’ it back on you.” He crossed his arms. “Like I said: if you care that much, you try not falling in love with me.”

Aerith felt the competitive spark tingle under her skin. “Maybe I will. Won’t.” She giggled. “You know what I mean.”

He nodded. “Yeah. Ball’s in your court.”

A beat.

She stared at him. “Wait—You don’t mean... You’re not—” He couldn’t. It had only been two weeks and she’d warned him.

He couldn’t be in love with her. He just couldn’t.

Finally, Cloud’s usual awkwardness seeped back into his eyes as he realised what she was asking, what he’d implied. “No! I–uh, I’m not. No,” he said, stubbornly looking away from Aerith. “It’s the, uh, the principle of the thing. It takes two. And I don’t see why it’s gotta be on me.”

Because someone has to be responsible here, thought Aerith, and I might not be. Not if you keep saying stuff like that.

When she didn’t reply, Cloud leaned towards her again. “Shouldn’t be a problem for you. Right?” he said, barely above a whisper. “It’s what you want.”

Aerith held his gaze. “It’s not a problem,” she lied.

Something flickered on his face. Aerith tried not to think about how it looked a lot like hurt. “Right,” he said.

She let a small beat of silence pass, then she cracked a smile. “Did we just—this a game of chicken or something?”

Cloud chuckled. “Or something.”

She pouted. “That’s so childish.”

He shrugged. “Maybe. But it takes two.” He held a hand out over the fire.

It takes two to tango, it takes two to fall in love, it takes two to make a stupid childish bet.

Aerith took his hand. “It takes two,” she agreed, gripping it tight for a moment.

Cloud nodded slowly, then shook his head. “Right. I, uh, I better let you get back to your shift.” He let her hand go and stood up. Aerith tried not to notice how he’d held onto her fingertips for just a second too long. “I, um, I’m glad we cleared that up.”

“Yeah,” said Aerith, as she watched him circle the campfire to get back to the tent. “Right. Glad.” They’d cleared nothing up, and they both knew it.

He paused. “Night, Aerith.”

She turned back to the fire. “Night, Cloud.”

After one last beat of silence, she heard the quiet rustle of fabric as he slipped inside the tent.

Then, left alone with just the crackling fire to underscore her thoughts, Aerith realised what she’d just agreed to.

“Shit,” she hissed, burying her face in her hands.

Betting Cloud she wouldn’t fall in love with him, daring herself not to get close. It was kinda like betting on a horse with a broken leg.

She was so, so screwed.

---

Despite what he’d implied during their conversation at the campfire, Cloud didn’t really act any differently around her the day after. Well, maybe there was an extra glance he’d toss her way while they were striking camp, maybe a lingering touch as he helped her up a ledge, maybe a hint of something in his voice when he spoke to her.

Or maybe it was Aerith being hyper aware of him.

For all that he’d laid bare his grievances the night before, she wasn’t really sure about his feelings or his intentions. He’d said it was a matter of principle—that it wasn’t fair of her to put the responsibility of them not becoming involved on him. He’d said the ball was in her court. He’d said he wanted a say in his feelings.

But he hadn’t actually said what his feelings were. Or what he wanted from her, from them. He’d simply rejected her request and issued a challenge, in his usual awkward fashion. Translated: I’m not going to try not falling in love with you. You do that, if you like.

Aerith could do that. Probably. She just had to ignore the burgeoning feelings in her chest. Easy. Those very feelings were totally not the reason she’d tried to engineer an unrequited love situation for herself by pushing Cloud away.

She could do it. No biggie.

Aerith was used to charmers. She knew how to skirt around their words, how not to fall for them. She was a flower seller; she was used to guys coming onto her while she was just trying to make some Gil, she was used to dodging their advances. She’d had Zack Fair. She knew how to handle charmers.

The problem was that Cloud wasn’t one.

Cloud was awkward, and sweet, and earnest, and blunt.

“You good?”

And he was walking right beside her.

“Hm-mm,” she said, linking her hands behind her back. “Just thinking.”

“About?”

“You, of course.” She winked, relishing in the way he cleared his throat and looked away. How Not To Get Attached 101, one hundred percent foolproof, Aerith-brand pointless flirting.

“Get real,” he muttered, shooting her a small glare. “Or have you lost the game already?”

Okay, maybe just seventy percent foolproof. Aerith giggled. “Nope. Just teasing.”

Cloud rolled his eyes. “You’re always teasing.”

“That’s me.” She winked.

“Yeah,” he chuckled. “That’s you alright,” he said, letting a fond note slip into his voice.

Aerith swallowed a knot in her throat and turned away to look ahead.

Cloud wasn’t a charmer. And that was the problem.

---

“You ever feel like life is mocking you?”

Aerith couldn’t help but burst out laughing. “Sometimes. Like right now.”

Cloud groaned as they both followed Naomi down the sunny streets of Costa del Sol. She and her friends wanted to see a real couple on a date, Cloud wanted to get paid, and Aerith wanted nothing more than to crawl back into bed at Johnny’s and disappear. How was she supposed to keep her distance from Cloud if they kept straight-up dating?

“You don’t get to say that,” he muttered almost absentmindedly.

She winced, but he wasn’t looking at her. He didn’t seem to have noticed he’d said that out loud, so she let it slide, averting her gaze as well and frowning a little bit. For the first time in a while, she couldn’t quite read him. Was he happy about their predicament? Was he annoyed? Embarrassed? A combination of the three?

The girls had called them a couple. Aerith wished it was that simple.

She closed her eyes for a moment. If they were a couple, she could’ve reached out to the side and taken Cloud’s hand in hers, entwining their fingers as they walked. If they were a couple, maybe he’d be complaining about having an audience on their date while a cute blush coloured his cheeks. If they were a couple, she wouldn’t feel like her life was mocking her.

“Maybe this was a bad idea,” said Cloud. His eyes were focused on his feet, minding his step.

Aerith swallowed a knot in her throat as she leaned close to him. “Well, you know, there’s no rule book. We can just be ourselves. Have fun just hanging out, y’know? Let ‘em think what they want about us.”

Cloud looked like he was going to argue, a spark of fire flickering in his eyes as he shot her a glance, but the resolve on his face waned just as quickly as it had arrived. Aerith bit her lip. This job was a bad idea.

But… But maybe it’d be fun to pretend, just for a while, that they could be a normal couple. That they could spend an afternoon roaming a charming seaside town together, enjoying each other’s company. Then again, the indulgence was dangerous. If she reached out and took his hand, would she let go when the day ended? Would he?

She sighed. No. Better to stick to her guns. They would have a pleasant time with the activities Naomi and the others had planned for them, and then they’d return to the rest of the group and tell them about their weird job. They’d go back to the hunt for Sephiroth and nothing would change.

Nothing would change, nothing had to change, if nothing changed he’d be safe, it was what the Aerith of the past had wanted, and that Aerith knew better than the Aerith of the present, because the Aerith of the present didn’t know anything except for the burning need to keep Cloud safe, no matter how much it ripped her heart in half, and—

A warm weight slipped into her hand, hesitant but determined. She blinked twice, hard, chasing those frantic thoughts away from her mind. She looked down at the hand holding hers, then slowly back up at Cloud, who was still resolutely facing forward despite the fact that pink dusted his cheeks.

Aerith heard herself make a small questioning noise through the fog in her brain.

Cloud shot her a glance, part plea, part glare, part challenge. “We’re on the clock, aren’t we?”

She nodded slowly, but the words stayed stuck in her throat.

He shrugged, jostling her hand. “Let’s give ‘em what they want, then.” The statement felt loaded, a little bitter, a little teasing. What the girls wanted. What about what Aerith and Cloud wanted?

“Right,” she breathed. She didn’t want to picture how dumb she looked in that moment. She felt sluggish and slow, as if she’d woken up from a deep slumber. But it was just Cloud holding her hand.

His small smile was halfway between relieved and smug, and Aerith idly thought that she kinda wanted to kiss that look off his face. Unfortunately, it would only have made him even more smug and, well, she couldn’t have that on top of losing their stupid little game.

So, she just looked ahead, at Naomi waving them over to the Run Wild stand. If Cloud tightened his hold on her hand just for a fraction of a second, she pretended not to notice.

---

“I thought you’d gone to bed.”

Cloud played a loud, startled chord on the piano as Aerith came up behind him. “Uh,” he said eloquently. “I haven’t.”

“I can tell.”

He winced, his shoulders stiffening.

She paused, biting her lip. She hadn’t expected to run into him just yet. She’d thought she’d have more time to get her feelings sorted. But there he was, in the same small Gongaga hut she’d chosen to find some shade in. It looked to be some sort of community centre, not unlike the one in the Sector 5 undercity, but it was almost empty. Just Aerith, Cloud, and a heavy blanket of unease weighing them both down.

She was supposed to be mad at him, wasn’t she?

Forget about that loser.

Hate to break it to you, but the man is dead.

Horrifically insensitive, to say the least. And very unlike him. Sometimes, it was like there was something bubbling just under his skin, something that had burst out for that one moment. Aerith had no idea why, out of all possible topics, he’d reacted that badly to Zack specifically. Or, rather, she had two ideas that maybe were the same idea, but she hated all of them.

Idea one: it was the degradation, that uncomfortable elephant in the room, that ticking clock threatening to take Cloud away from her—no, take him away from them—at any moment. For as much as they all avoided talking about it, she knew it weighed heavily on everyone, Cloud most of all. Yet, Aerith couldn’t quite shake the feeling that while, yes, something was wrong, it wasn’t degradation. It was something… different. Maybe something worse.

Idea two: it had nothing to do with Zack and everything to do with her. The thought made her stomach churn a little, in ways that she couldn’t quite identify—and she hated herself for that. For the small, selfish part of her that was, maybe, just a little happy at the thought that Cloud could’ve been jealous.

Idea both-of-them: the thought of Aerith and Zack had bothered him, but the intensity of his outburst had been amplified by the thing going on with him, degradation or otherwise.

Aerith hated all of those ideas. But she couldn’t hate him. She couldn’t even be mad.

Cloud cleared his throat, without turning around on the stool. “I, uh…”

She hummed quietly. She shifted her weight on her feet for a moment, considering. Then, slowly, she took the couple of steps needed to close the distance between them and sat down on the stool beside him. Cloud gasped quietly, then hurried to make more room for her.

Aerith took a deep breath. She didn’t look at him, just kept her gaze trained on the sheet music in front of him. It was titled Hollow. “You, uh…?”

She felt him stiffen. “I’m sorry,” he said quietly. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw him fiddle with his hands in his lap. “Shouldn’t have said that stuff.”

“No,” she said. “You shouldn’t have.” She frowned. “Why’d you say it?”

There was a long, excruciating beat of silence. “I… don’t know,” he murmured, like he was struggling to get that much sound out of his throat. “I don’t—It just came out.”

Shit. The degradation.

“I’m sorry,” he repeated. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

Aerith shook her head. “I’m not upset. Not at you, anyway.”

“You… aren’t?”

“No. Just—” She gestured vaguely with her hand. “I’m upset at things, I guess.”

He shifted slightly to turn back the pages on the sheet music. “Yeah. Me too. That’s why I came here.”

“To play?”

Cloud hummed. “Couldn’t sleep. Figured I’d get my thoughts in order and then come find you but, well…”

Aerith giggled quietly. “But I found you first.”

He shook his head. “Yes and no. You did find me first, but…” He sighed. “Thing is, I can’t get my head on straight.” She finally looked at him. He was frowning deeply, thumbing the edge of the sheet music without really seeing the notes. “I’m trying to find a single thought that makes sense, but there are none. It’s just static.”

Aerith nodded slowly. “Wanna talk about it?”

Cloud lowered his gaze. “No point. I keep asking myself why the hell I said that, but I come up empty.” He furrowed his brows. “I never want to hurt you, no matter how ticked off I get.”

Ah. So their conversation had bothered him.

Damnit. It was idea both-of-them after all. Aerith winced.

Cloud continued, oblivious to her reaction. “I’m not stupid—I know saying shit like that’s gonna upset people. It’s just that sometimes it’s not worth the effort to spare feelings when there are more important things to do.” He shook his head. “But never with you. You’re—” He cut himself off. He sighed, looking back down at his hands. “I’m sorry,” he repeated. “Wish I could tell you why I said that.”

Aerith bit her lip. Slowly, she reached out and took one of Cloud’s hands in hers. “It’s okay,” she whispered.

Cloud finally looked at her, still frowning. “It’s not. I shouldn’t—”

She shook her head. “Not that. It’s okay if you can’t tell me why you said it.”

He held her gaze for a moment longer, then let it drop to his hands again. “I guess.” She could tell that he didn’t really guess, but she didn’t push it. She knew how frustrating it was to find static where information should have been in her mind. It was like that when she tried to remember what the Whispers had taken away.

Cloud sighed again, letting some of the tension leave his shoulders. Not all of it, though. “Can I ask you a question? It’s, uh, related. To—” He made a vague sweeping gesture with his free hand.

Aerith cocked her head to the side. “Shoot.”

“Zack,” he said, wincing a little. “Is he… Is he the reason why…?” He trailed off.

When he didn’t speak again, she frowned. “You’re gonna have to finish that thought, Cloud. I’m not a mind reader.”

He grimaced. “Right. Sorry. Back in Midgar, when you asked me… that.” He was blushing and refusing to meet her eye. Clearly he’d used up all his bravado when he’d quoted her request to her face and turned it back on her.  “Was that because of Zack? Because you still like him?”

She sighed. “I don’t know. I don’t think so.”

He tossed her an odd look. “You don’t think so?”

“I told you. I don’t remember exactly why I asked anymore. But I remember everything about Zack.” She smiled a bit. Hard guy to forget, even after he’d disappeared, even though all in all they hadn’t spent that much time together.

She felt Cloud stiffen, and he delicately pulled his hand from hers. “I—sorry.”

Aerith furrowed her brows. “Why are you sorry?”

He winced. “I’ve been pushy. And unfair. Sorry. I won’t get in the way, I promise.” He sounded a little strangled, like it pained him to say those words out loud.

Almost in spite of herself, Aerith half-laughed. “In the way? Of me and a guy who disappeared on me five years ago?”

Cloud stared at her for a moment. “But you said—”

Aerith sighed. “It’s complicated, okay? I liked him, but then he just… vanished. I never got any closure.” She closed her eyes. “But… Cloud, our situation is complicated too.”

“Aerith, seriously, if you still—”

“That’s not it.” She didn’t know why she wasn’t taking the easy way out, why she didn’t just let him believe she still liked Zack. Maybe it was because, in spite of everything, she hated lying to him. Or maybe it was just selfishness. “Zack’s got nothing to do with you and me.” She gave his shoulder a light nudge. “Promise.”

Cloud shot her a glance. “But you’re still playing your little game.”

She half-laughed. “Your little game. And yes. Still in it.”

His shoulders slumped a bit, a mix of releasing tension and sagging dejectedly. “Getting mixed signals here.”

“I thought I was very clear in Midgar,” she said, shrugging. “You’re the one who decided not to listen to me.”

“I still think you were unfair to dump that on me.” He was pouting a little, now. Cute.

Aerith stuck her tongue out at him. “Well, you dumped it right back on me, didn’t you?”

“It takes two,” he said, without meeting her eyes.

She hummed. “It takes two.”

A moment of silence fell over the two of them. It was almost comfortable now, only slightly weighed down by the uncertainty and the stupid, stupid games they were playing. Aerith just had to keep telling herself it was better like that. She was already too close to the edge of the precipice; she couldn’t keep dancing on it. She would fall, and take Cloud right down with her. He didn’t deserve it.

He pressed his lips together, then opened his mouth to say something, and Aerith knew she had to stop him.

“I know how you can make it up to me,” she said, straightening up. “For what you said.”

Cloud blinked at her. “I thought you weren’t mad.”

She shrugged. “Maybe I am a little. But I know how you can make it up to me.” She leaned forward and tapped the sheet music. “Play me something.”

“Oh.” He looked down at the piano keys like he was seeing them for the first time. “I’m, uh… really not that good.”

Aerith clicked her tongue. “I’ll be the judge of that. C’mon, I wanna hear! I’ve heard Tifa play, it’s only fair. I have to figure out who’s better.”

There was a spark of competitiveness in his eyes, but he quickly looked away. “…Probably her,” he said, slowly like it took a toll on him to admit he wasn’t the best at something.

“Won’t know until you play. Chop chop, music man.” She grinned.

Cloud let out a breath of a laugh, then gingerly laid his hands atop the keys. As he started to play, Aerith closed her eyes and sighed.

The song was nice, slow and melancholy. He would stumble on the keys, every once in a while, and then he would play the next notes a little too loud to compensate. It wasn’t perfect, and Tifa was better, but it was still nice.

And, best of all, the music filled the air between them so that no unwelcome thoughts or words could get through. Inside the music, there was quiet and peace.

---

Aerith hadn’t known that you could see stars before the sunset.

She sucked in an excited gasp of crisp Cosmo Canyon air as she looked up at the celestial  phenomenon, clasping her hands in front of her. Cloud had told her about the bright evening star that appeared in the Nibelheim sky before all the others, before the sun had even set, but seeing stars in the violet early evening of the Canyon was still magical.

“How are you still surprised by this?” chuckled Cloud, holding the celestiograph up to his face. Well, that was what Caesar had called it, but all it was was a fancy camera. Cloud was surprisingly good with it, and was quietly proud of himself in a way that was very different from his smugness when it came to physical feats of strength or agility, but no less endearing.

Aerith huffed. “How are you not?”

He shrugged. “I thought the other one was cooler.”

“You just can’t appreciate beauty in life and nature.”

He snorted, but didn’t reply.

Aerith walked a few steps away from him, closer to the stars—infinitesimally so. She’d always known that the light fixtures in the underside of the Plate in Midgar were a sorry imitation of the real things, but she only really realised that now. The sky, the stars made her feel so small and young compared to the rest of the universe around her. A wave of emotion hit her, and she couldn’t tell which part was hers and which was the Planet’s. She brought her trembling hands together in front of her, and she closed her eyes in a silent prayer.

A quiet click came from behind her.

She straightened up. Cloud was finally satisfied with his shot composition, then. She turned around, only to find that he wasn’t looking at the sky. Both his gaze and the camera were fixed on her.

He froze like a kid caught stealing from the cookie jar, and the camera chose that moment to slowly spit out the picture. She shot him a perplexed smile. He returned it, hesitant but fond. Then, again, click. Aerith giggled, shaking her head—click.

“Cloud, c’mon,” she said, half-laughing and half-scolding. “What’re you doing?”

Instead of answering, Cloud just hit the shutter button again. And again, and again, click-click-click until Aerith walked up to him and snatched the camera from his hands, with the string of printouts trailing after it. Still giggling, she held it out of his reach, knowing full well how easy it would’ve been for him to just steal it back even as he made a half-hearted attempt. “Had your fun?”

Cloud chuckled. “Yeah,” he said. “Think so.”

“Why’d you do that?” she asked, stepping away from him and taking the camera with her.

He shrugged. “Dunno. Felt like it.”

She hummed. The line burned on the tip of her tongue. Why did I do that? I was appreciating beauty. If Cloud had been a little more like her or like Zack, he would have said it. But he wasn’t. She wondered whether he’d thought of it and just chickened out, or if it hadn’t even crossed his mind. After all, it was right there. But she couldn’t quite picture him saying something that cheesy and flirty with a straight face. It just wasn’t his style. He probably thought little comments like that were insincere, empty.

Aerith smiled, remembering Costa del Sol.

They ’re just thoughts. Let ‘em be dark and ugly. You’re not. Whatever you decide, I’m with you.

Cloud didn’t do insincere. He wasn’t a charmer or a flirt. He was just himself.

“What’s so funny?” he asked, taking a couple of steps towards her.

Aerith shook her head. “Nothing, nothing.”

He held out a hand. “Can I have that back? We still got a job to do.”

“Not yet,” she said, hiding the camera behind her back with a smile. “You know, it’s not really fair.”

“What is?”

Aerith rocked on the balls of her feet. “Well, you have all these pictures of me and I have none of you.” She delicately detached the string of printouts and handed it to him.

Cloud took it, but he stiffened a little bit and scratched the back of his neck, looking away. “You, uh, want a picture of me?”

“I want a picture of us. Let’s take a selfie together,” she said, holding up the camera as she hopped to his side.

Cloud just nodded as she pressed herself even closer to him, delicately taking his arm. She shot him a smile, then looked back to the camera. Click. Cloud stilled for a moment.

Giggling, she lowered the camera to take a look at the picture. “Aww, we look—” She cut herself off when she saw it. In the photo, Aerith was slightly dishevelled from the wind, but she was smiling happily at the camera as she leaned towards Cloud. But Cloud… He was turned towards her, with soft eyes and a half smile, fond and thoughtful. She pressed her lips together as she thumbed the edge of the picture. He looked at her like he was looking at a painting, or a sunrise, or the starry night sky. He looked at her like he—

Aerith blinked twice, hard. She wondered if that was how he always looked at her when she wasn’t paying attention.

Cloud cleared his throat. “Ah, sorry,” he muttered, scratching the back of his neck. “I ruined it.”

But Aerith slowly shook her head. “No, no. It’s perfect,” she said. She took the printout and held it up to her chest. “Perfect.”

He turned to her, silent for a long beat. His expression was indecipherable, but at the same time he looked the way Aerith felt: uncertain, balancing on the edge of their dumb precipice. Or maybe he was waiting for her at the bottom, wondering if she would ever take that step. And she wanted to, she wanted to join him so badly.

But she couldn’t.

“Aerith…” he whispered, a plea.

She closed her eyes and turned away. “Let’s just take the picture and go,” she said. Her voice was steady, at least.

“Aerith,” he repeated a little louder, but still strained. She heard him take a hesitant step forward.

“Don’t,” she said. “Just—please, don’t.” She bit her lip, willing her heart to slow down.

“Why?”

She stilled, sucking in a sharp breath. Ah, there it was—the well-placed why used as a weapon. She’d have been proud if she didn’t feel so damn sad.

“It’s better this way,” she said. “Trust me.”

“You don’t know that,” said Cloud, frustrated. He circled around her to try and catch her eye, but she turned her face away. “Maybe you used to, but you don’t know anymore. You said it yourself.”

Aerith pressed her lips together. “Things don’t stop being true because we don’t remember them anymore.”

He crossed his arms. “But what if they were never true? What if they changed?”

She shook her head. “I’m not risking that.” I’m not risking you. “Know what hasn’t changed? Me wanting to protect you.” She attempted a smile. “And me not losing our game.” If the conditions of the game required her admitting it out loud, anyway.

Cloud regarded her for a long moment, then sighed. “I hate this game.”

She snuck a glance at him. He didn’t look all that upset—more mildly exasperated. Aerith smiled hesitantly. “It was your idea.”

“Never claimed it was a good one.”

“Well, you’re stuck with it, mister.”

He rolled his eyes. “You’re stuck with it. You’re the one playing.”

Cloud was not subtle when he wanted to throw a jab at her about something. Still, Aerith let it slide. “C’mon,” she said, handing him the camera back. “Let’s finish the job.”

As he pointed the camera at the stars again, she delicately tucked their selfie into her jacket pocket, next to her heart.

---

When Aerith opened the door to her room at the Nidhogg Inn to find Cloud standing in front of her, she wasn’t all that surprised. He’d been on edge around her for a few days, always fidgeting and hesitant. Sometimes, she’d catch him just… looking at her, studying her like she was going to vanish at any moment. It was clear that he needed to talk to her. Aerith just hoped it wouldn’t be a confession of some sort. She didn’t know how much longer she could keep pretending.

“It’s kind of late,” she said, cocking her head to the side. “Something wrong?”

Cloud pressed his lips together. “Can we talk? Alone?” He shot a glance over her shoulder, to the room where Tifa and Yuffie were still asleep.

She nodded as she stepped out of the doorway. “Lucky I was the one who answered, huh?” she said with a small smile.

Cloud didn’t return it—just shot her that same long look she’d noticed in the days prior. “Let’s go,” he said. He made a jerky movement as if he’d wanted to take her by the hand and then thought better of it. Instead, he motioned for her to follow him.

Aerith hummed as he turned around and made for the stairs. He led her out of the inn, in the chilly Nibelheim night. She rubbed her hands over her bare arms. “This better be good,” she chuckled.

“Dunno about good,” he said, shooting her an apologetic glance. “But it’s important.”

She nodded. Cloud paused for a second, as if considering where to take her, then he gestured to the water tower. “C’mon.”

They climbed the ladder in silence, then sat side by side in the same spots they’d been in just hours before. It was slightly less cold up there, and Aerith realised there was some sort of machine behind them, buzzing quietly and emitting a bit of warmth.

Cloud caught her perplexed look and shrugged. “It’s the same as when I was a kid. This thing’s responsible for all the water in the village, and it overheats like crazy. Weird that it hasn’t changed.” He looked away. “Didn’t think to bring a blanket, so I figured this was the next best thing.”

Aerith smiled a bit. “It is. Thanks.”

He hummed, but didn’t say anything else.

She let a few moments pass in silence. Then, she sighed. “You know, if you just wanted some company, I don’t think you’d have taken us all the way up here. Out of earshot of everyone else.” She lightly kicked her heels together. “So, what is it?”

Cloud stiffened. “Right.” He took a deep breath, and Aerith braced herself. “I, uh, I talked to Red—Nanaki.”

She blinked at him. Not what she was expecting. “Okay?” she said. “What’d you talk about?”

He fiddled with his hands in his lap. “He asked me not to say anything, but it’s too important—a-and I guess you already know about it anyway. Besides, it’s about you, and—”

“Cloud.” She put a hand on his arm, forcing him to look at her. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. Start over?”

“Uh, sorry.” He winced. “He said… He said that you two could see the future, back in Midgar. Before the Whispers,” he muttered. “Is that true?”

She grimaced and looked away. Why, Nanaki? “True enough,” she replied. “But I couldn’t tell you what I saw now.”

Cloud nodded. “That’s what Nanaki said too. Said that you lost that knowledge.”

“That’s right.”

“Is that why you didn’t want me to lo—like you?”

Aerith drew in a sharp breath. His words were soft, but measured, careful. He had to have rehearsed them all in those moments where he’d looked like he wanted to talk to her. She couldn’t face him.

When she didn’t reply, he continued, “Because you saw something in our future?”

Slowly, she nodded. “…Yeah.” She felt him still. “But I don’t know what it was. I told you before.”

“You have.” Cloud sighed. “Nanaki said that… He said that he thinks you’re in danger.”

Aerith kept her eyes trained on the dark silhouette of the house in front of her. “He did, did he?”

“Please don’t play dumb.” There was a strained note in his voice, now. A desperate note.

“I’m not,” she said, biting her lip. “I told you, I can’t remember. But we’re all in danger, aren’t we?”

Cloud scoffed. “You know what I mean.” He let another long moment of silence pass. “Listen… Whatever it was, we changed it, right? The Whispers—”

She shook her head. “Maybe. I don’t know. We’ve been over this, Cloud, I’m not risking it. I had a good reason for asking you that, even though I don’t remember it anymore. And now you know why.”

“What about—” He cut himself off with a frustrated noise, pulling up a leg to his chest. “So that’s how it is. You make all the decisions and I just have to follow ‘em.”

Aerith frowned. “That’s not fair.”

“No. It’s not.”

Silence fell again. Aerith fiddled with her hands in her lap. Cloud was upset, frustrated, angry even. She didn’t know how to make it better without making it infinitely worse. Without putting him even more at risk. Maybe it was better this way—the anger would be temporary, whereas whatever was waiting for him in the future she’d forgotten was a permanent scar, a pain that would never leave him.

“Hey,” he started suddenly. “If you could see the future back then… Does that mean you knew I was going to…?” He gestured vaguely between the two of them instead of finishing his question, but Aerith didn’t need him to.

Did you know I was going to fall in love with you? Were we always doomed? Was there ever a chance?

She sighed. “Dunno. Maybe that’s the future we averted.” She attempted a small smile. She didn’t even believe her own words.

And Cloud didn’t either, judging from his scoff. “Aerith.”

“What?”

“C’mon.” He looked away and whispered, so quiet that she almost missed it, “It was inevitable.”

Aerith clenched her hands on the edge of the platform. Hearing him say that should have filled her with joy. Yet, all she could feel was regret, dread, and fear. “I didn’t think you believed in fate,” she said shakily.

He tossed her a sidelong glance, then shook his head. “I don’t. Fate’s got nothing to do with it.” He took a deep breath. “It’s because of who you are and who I am.” His voice was trembling just a little.

Aerith pressed her lips together, feeling her eyes starting to sting. She knew how hard it was for him to be vulnerable like that, to lay his feelings bare and risk getting hurt for it. And she hated herself because she had to do just that—hurt him.

“Cloud—”

He shook his head. “Don’t you get it, Aerith? I can’t let anything happen to you—I won’t.” He looked at her, defiant and determined. “I promised Nanaki, and I’m promising you. I’ll keep you safe. No matter what happens, no matter what you say.”

Aerith stared at him, tears in her eyes. She wanted nothing more than to throw her arms around him, to hold him close, to apologise, to kiss him until all the hurt and all the fear were forgotten. But she was terrified. It was all so much, too much. She was just glad he’d never said the word love.

“Cloud,” she whispered, desperately trying to hold back the tears. “Cloud, please—”

Emboldened by her reaction, he reached out and gently touched her cheek. “It’s real. So real that it feels like I’m drowning.” He sounded like it too, quiet and strangled and tender.

She shook her head and squeezed her eyes shut, pulling her face away from his hand. “Cloud, I—please, don’t do this,” she whispered.

Cloud retracted his hand like he’d been burned. “I—I’m not doing anything,” he said. “I told you before. If—If you don’t feel—if it’s just me, then that’s fine. But you said that it wouldn’t be real, and you’re wrong.”

She knew. She’d always been wrong. But she couldn’t afford to be right.

Aerith shook her head again. “Cloud, what do you want me to say?”

He made another frustrated noise. “I want you to stop lying to me, I guess. Be a nice start.”

“I… I’ve never lied to you,” she said in a sigh. “Wish I had, honestly. I could’ve told you I was still in love with Zack, and we wouldn’t be here right now. But there are questions I just can’t answer.”

Cloud shot her a glance. “Because…?”

“Because I’d tell you the truth,” said Aerith. “And it’d put you in danger.”

He leaned a bit closer. “I can take care of myself. What if I was okay with that?”

“I’m not.” She bit her lip. “I’m just not.”

It was hard to breathe. She stood up suddenly, leaning a bit on the water tower so she wouldn’t lose her balance.

“Aerith?” Cloud shot to his feet as well, holding out his hands as if he wanted to steady her.

“Sorry,” she said. “I’m going back.”

Cloud looked torn for a moment, as if he wanted to say something, or do something. But in the end he just nodded stiffly. “Right,” he said. “Let’s go.”

She turned around, unable to look him in the eye any longer. They made their way back to the inn in uncomfortable silence, with Cloud walking just slightly behind Aerith. Once they got to her room, she stilled with her hand hovering over the doorknob, and Cloud stopped as well.

“Aerith?” he called softly.

She shook her head and took a deep breath before turning around. “I’m sorry, Cloud,” she whispered. “I never wanted to hurt you. I’m so sorry.” She let her gaze fall to her feet and pressed her lips together.

Cloud didn’t say anything right away. Aerith saw him shift his weight from one foot to the other, then he took a hesitant step forward. Gingerly, his arms came around her shoulders as he pulled her into a gentle hug. Aerith swallowed back a sob as she brought her hands to his waist, not quite hugging back but not pushing him away either.

“I wish I could do something to help,” he whispered in her hair. “You’re hurting too. I wanna make it go away, but… But you won’t let me.”

She shook her head, but didn’t reply. They stayed together like that for a long moment, both unwilling to be the one to either step away or bring them closer.

Aerith felt his lips brushing against her hair again. “Aerith,” he murmured. “It’s real.”

She tightened her grip on his waist, just barely, just for a moment. “I know,” she replied. “I’m sorry.”

---

Cloud hadn’t taken his eyes off her for a second, not since she’d appeared on the virtual stage of the Gold Theatre, clad in white and ready to sing. She’d felt his gaze burn like it was the sun looking at her, following her every movement, listening to her every word. And it was just as well, she figured, since it was all for him.

Aerith couldn’t give Cloud all that he wanted, but she could give him something at least. A song, a moment, a memory.

A date.

She hadn’t called it that, of course. It was just a friendly outing between friends who were friendly. She was kinda glad, actually, that the rest of their companions had also come to the showing of Loveless. Granted, they were sitting apart from Aerith and Cloud, but it helped dilute the tension. If Aerith concentrated enough, it almost felt like the two of them were just part of the group, even if a little physically far.

And if she concentrated further still, she could almost make out the voices in the Lifestream laughing at her in the back of her head. Did it still count as denial if she was self-aware about it?

Cloud linked back up with her at the exit of the theatre, after all of their friends had already left the premises. Aerith waved at him with a small smile, and he returned both.

“So!” she exclaimed, bouncing up to him. “What d’you think?”

"I think you were amazing,” he said, sounding a little dazed. “You write that song?”

Aerith hummed. “Just wanted to try my hand at it.”

He half-laughed. “Right. And now you’re gonna have producers at your doorstep.”

“Well, sadly I don’t have one of those right now.”

“A doorstep?”

“Yeah.”

“What about your mom’s place?”

Aerith giggled. “She’s gonna chase ‘em off with a broom.”

They laughed, then she smiled at him. “Thanks. I’m glad you liked it.”

He nodded slowly, then averted his gaze. Silence fell, but it was soon interrupted by the loudspeaker: “Attention, all park guests. The Skywheel will be closing soon. Don’t miss out on your chance to experience the Gold Saucer from a truly breathtaking angle!”

Oh, the Skywheel. Aerith thought vaguely that she and Cloud had never gotten to go during their first visit to the park. Things between them were still complicated, but maybe back then she could have played it off as more of a casual date. She couldn’t do that anymore: they were both in too deep and her self control was the last thin line of defence against disaster.

But she really had to stop assuming she was the only one making decisions.

Cloud, next to her, cleared his throat. “Let’s go.”

“Hm?” She turned to look at him. “Where?”

He nodded towards Event Square’s exit. “Skywheel. I wanna see what all the fuss is about. Besides, uh, we got unfinished business.” He scratched the back of his head without looking at her, but she could still see that the tips of his ears had turned pink.

Aerith felt herself soften. “Unfinished business, huh?” she said quietly.

Cloud hummed awkwardly.

She thought for a moment. There was something else she could give him. A little bit of closure wherever she could.

“Okay,” said Aerith. “Let’s go.”

He snapped back to her, as if he hadn’t expected her to give in without a fight. “Uh, yeah. Let’s.”

On the way to Skywheel square, they were quiet, but Aerith didn’t mind the silence. The air between them was charged, though, even more than usual. Maybe it was the way Cloud kept sneaking quick glances at Aerith, maybe it was the way she kept catching him because she was doing the same. More than once, she found herself desperately wanting to reach for his hand, wanting to hold him. Wanting, wanting, she wanted so much. And knowing he wanted the same things was agonising.

The crowds around them were loud and rowdy, excited, normal. More than anything, Aerith wanted to be normal. Just for a little while, she wanted to be a normal girl on a date with a boy she liked and who liked her. Was that really so wrong?

She sighed deeply.

Then, slowly, deliberately, she reached out and slipped her hand in Cloud’s. He jumped a little, startled, and turned to her, eyes wide as saucers. He didn’t pull away, though. “Aerith?”

“Just for tonight,” she heard herself whisper. “Okay?”

Emotions flashed over his face in fast succession: joy, disappointment, pain, anger, acceptance. He closed his eyes and looked to be counting to ten. “If that’s what you want,” he said. The hurt note in his voice was impossible to miss, but Aerith ignored it all the same.

It wasn’t what he wanted, but it was the best she could do. One Skywheel ride, one night, one date to get it all out of her system, and then they could go back to the way they were without having to wonder anymore. Or, at least, she prayed it would happen like that.

She smiled a bit, and he returned it, then she lightly pulled on his hand. “C’mon,” she said. “This way.”

The loudspeaker in Skywheel Square was still giving out the announcement about the ride closing soon, with an attendant eagerly waving excited guests closer. Aerith and Cloud joined the queue, but they didn’t have to wait long for their turn. Aerith hopped into the spacious cabin first, giggling at the spectacle of lights already visible from the windows. A quiet thump behind her told her that Cloud was on board too, and she turned to grin at him. He sat down first on one side of the cabin and, after some consideration, Aerith settled a fair distance from him—not far enough to be awkward, not close enough to be intimate.

As their cabin slowly began its climb upwards, Aerith’s attention was pulled outside the window. The fireworks show was starting.

“Wow, look at that!” she exclaimed.

The sky was an explosion of colours, mixing together in beautiful shapes all around them. She couldn’t see the stars in the sky, replaced by the light of the fireworks. Below and all around them, the rest of the Gold Saucer’s attractions and events were in full swing, from the roller coasters to the Chocobo races to the flash mob in the Terminal Square. It was loud and chaotic and frenetic. And yet, inside the Skywheel cabin, all was quiet and intimate.

Aerith glanced back at Cloud, only to catch him looking at her the way he had back in Cosmo Canyon, the way that was forever immortalised in the picture Aerith kept carefully tucked in her jacket pocket. She bit her lip.

“I know I’ve been weird,” she said, quietly. “And a little unfair.”

Cloud shook himself out of his reverie and raised an eyebrow. “A little?”

She half-laughed and stuck her tongue out at him. “It hasn’t exactly been easy for me, either.” She frowned. “You know… when we first met, there was something about you that really bothered me.”

He furrowed his brows. “Hey,” he said softly, without any real animosity. “I know I was kind of a dick, but—”

Aerith giggled. “Not that. Although…” She winked and he rolled his eyes, then she shook her head. “No, it was something else. It was in the way you talked, the way you carried yourself… I haven’t seen him in five years, but suddenly there was you, and if I wasn’t careful I’d start thinking he was there, wearing your clothes and your face.”

Cloud nodded slowly. “Zack?”

She hummed. “But he wasn’t. It’s always just been you. You, running around the slums with me. You, saving me from Shinra HQ. You, here with me right now.” Aerith sighed and leaned back into her seat. “You’re different, and things are different, and that’s okay.”

“Aerith—”

“But… there’s still so much I don’t know,” she continued. “So much that’s fuzzy and unclear.”

The degradation, her stolen memories, Sephiroth looming over it all. It felt so much bigger than her.

She stood up. Cloud’s eyes were on her, she could feel them, but she couldn’t meet them. “The thing is, Cloud… I’m trying so hard to find you.” The words were just flowing out of her now, as if someone else was speaking through her. Cloud was Cloud, he was right there, but he wasn’t, and—

He echoed her thoughts: “But I’m right here.” He blinked twice at her.

Aerith sighed. “I know, but…”

He let a long, uncomfortable beat pass. “Degradation, right?” he asked, quietly.

She froze. She turned around. He’d stood up as well without her noticing, and he was shifting his weight from one foot to the other, arms crossed and eyes planted on the fireworks show outside without really seeing it.

“…No,” she heard herself say. “Not degradation.” As she said it, she knew it was true. There was something else keeping him from her. But she couldn’t begin to guess.

Cloud took a tentative step towards her. “Then what?” he asked, maybe a little sharper than he’d meant to.

She flinched, and it seemed like the cabin flinched with her. The floor disappeared from under her feet, and she tumbled forward. Instinctively, she put her arms up to brace herself for the collision with the seat or the floor, but the only thing she hit was something warm and solid. Aerith blinked up at Cloud, as dazed as he looked. Maybe he’d caught her, maybe they’d just crashed into each other. Either way, she was gathered into his arms, feeling his pulse quicken under her fingertips in tandem with hers. He swallowed thickly as he looked down at her.

“I, uh, I think one of those solid holograms hit us,” he muttered.

“Oh,” she said. “Scary.”

“You’re okay. I got you.”

It was her turn to gulp down a knot in her throat. Cloud didn’t take his eyes away from hers, and they were so intense that they were burning.

“If it’s not the degradation, then what is it?” he asked quietly, not letting her go. “You said you want to find me—help me make that happen. I… I want you to find me. Just tell me how to let you.”

Aerith just stared at him, her mouth hanging slightly open. “Cloud…” she whispered. “I—I don’t know. I—”

The moment dragged on for a few tense, electric seconds.

A burst of fireworks exploded with a loud bang, and the sound cut between them like a knife. Aerith jumped out of his arms with a gasp as her world once again expanded to contain things other than Cloud Strife. “Woah,” she said, pressing a hand on her heart. “Is it just me, or was that way closer than the others?”

Cloud shook his head. “Uh… Oh, we’re just getting close to the top, I think.”

A glance out of the window told her that he was right. “I see,” she said, sitting back down. “This is safe, right?”

Cloud shrugged as he sat down too—again, just far enough from her as to not be intimate, the moment from before gone like a mirage. “It’s fine,” he said. “Not that Shinra gives a shit about people’s safety, but if this thing were dangerous, nobody would wanna set foot on it. Huge loss of profit.”

Aerith giggled and leaned back in her seat. “Reassuring. Kinda.” She sighed. “Well, we’ll just have to enjoy the show, then.”

He hummed, then turned back to the fireworks. Aerith studied him for a second. The moment was gone, but not forgotten. He still had a crease of worry between his brows, and her hands itched to reach out to smooth it over.

She bit her lip. Slowly, hesitantly, she scooted closer to him. “Forget about what I said, okay?” she whispered. “Let’s not worry about that. Not tonight.”

Cloud tossed her a sidelong look. “Forget about it?” He huffed a little. “You say the strangest stuff, and I’m just supposed to forget about it?”

“Yup,” she said, popping the p and forcing a playful grin on her face. “You know me. I don’t always make sense.”

He held her gaze for a moment longer, doubt clearly painted on his face. Then, he sighed and turned away. “Fine,” he said, dropping his eyes to the floor. He still looked unsteady, though, and like he wanted to ask a million questions. That wasn’t a look she wanted on his face—not now, amongst the fireworks in the sky.

Aerith only hesitated for one more moment. In one swift motion, she closed the rest of the distance between them and took his arm in her hands, leaning her head on his shoulder. She felt him stiffen in surprise under her touch, but he didn’t pull away.

“Aerith?” he asked, barely above a whisper.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “Just for tonight,” she said. “Okay?”

Cloud didn’t reply, but neither did he relax. Then, just as Aerith was about to let him go, he slowly moved. Delicately, he took one of her hands from his arm.

Aerith frowned a little, but sat up straighter. That was fair. She couldn’t keep expecting him to humour all her mixed signals—to be okay with her constantly pushing him away while she held him tight. She opened her mouth, an apology ready on her tongue, but Cloud laid her hand down, palm up, between them. A fraction of a second, and his own covered it, threading his fingers through hers.

She gasped quietly and looked up at him. He was still turned away from her, but when he felt her eyes on him, he shot her a sidelong glance. Red dusted his cheekbones and the tips of his ears, but his eyes were focused, daring, challenging. And they were an open book.

Not just for tonight. It takes two, right? I ’m in if you are.

Aerith couldn’t help but smile up at him a little shakily, feeling as if her heart was going to jump out of her chest. She looked at her bodyguard, at her friend, at the man she loved. There he went, fighting for her again, and again. It took her everything she had not to throw her arms around his neck and kiss him silly, to apologise for everything she’d put the both of them through. But in that moment, just being there with him, holding his hand, would have to be enough. As she closed her own fingers around his, Cloud finally relaxed next to her, and gave her hand a light squeeze. Aerith let her head fall against his shoulder again and closed her eyes.

“Just for tonight,” she repeated softly.

This close, she could feel Cloud’s sigh hit the crown of her head, a veneer of calm betrayed by the pounding of his heart, impossible to miss from where she was leaning against him. Aerith wondered if he was looking at her, but didn’t check. She wasn’t sure what she would have done if she met his eyes and found love and longing there.

She settled for looking at the fireworks again, holding his hand just a little bit tighter.

Five minutes later, as they stepped out of the cabin, Cloud extended a hand to help Aerith down. She took it with a small giggle, and ignored the way he held onto her for just a moment too long with practised cheerfulness.

“Thanks for tonight,” she said, locking her hands behind her back. “I had fun.”

Cloud hummed. “Me too.”

She glanced at the dwindling crowd in the square in front of them. “Ready for tomorrow?”

“Course. You?”

“Born ready!” She flexed playfully, drawing a chuckle out of him. “We should go get some shut-eye. Gotta be in tip-top shape to kick Corneo’s goons’ butts.”

“Right. Let’s go.”

Cloud went ahead, and Aerith followed him after just a moment. He seemed a little distracted, as if he had something else on his mind. She shook her head. Probably thinking about their strategy for the battle the next day. She supposed the real anomaly was Cloud thinking about something other than their mission for a whole evening.

The walk back to the Haunted Hotel was a silent one, but not uncomfortably so. There was no hurry in their step, as if neither of them quite wanted the night to end. That late, the park wasn’t as busy or loud. It felt more normal, more like a real place with real people rather than an endless party. Aerith kept glancing at Cloud, feeling a small smile playing on her lips.

One night, one perfect night with him. It would have to be enough. It would be enough. No harm in wanting to draw it out as long as she could.

But there was still a limit to how much she could dig her heels in, to how slowly they could walk. In the end, they stepped out of the lift and onto their floor.

Aerith sighed, hopping ahead of Cloud. “Well—”

“I’ll walk you to your room,” he said, coming up beside her.

She shot him a bemused smile. “Isn’t it, like… ten metres away from yours?”

Cloud cleared his throat, looking away with a faint blush on his face. “Still.”

Aerith giggled. “Alright, then, Mr Bodyguard.” She took his elbow. “Do the gentlemanly thing.”

To her absolute delight, he actually held up his arm a little higher as he gently tugged her forward. As promised, they walked right past the boys’ suite, and stopped just two doors over. Aerith let go of Cloud’s arm to rummage in her pockets for the room key. She didn’t want to wake Tifa and Yuffie up.

As she finally fished it out, she turned with a grin. “Looks like we’re here,” she said. “Thanks for the escort.”

Cloud nodded slowly. He was still blushing and refusing to meet her eye. Aerith cocked her head to the side. “What is it?” she said, leaning forward to try to catch his gaze.

“Uh…” He scratched the back of his neck. “I—If this really has to be just for tonight… There’s something I wanna do before tonight ends,” he said quickly, snapping his eyes back to hers.

Aerith blinked twice at him. “Oh?” she said.

He didn’t say anything right away. He gingerly took a step forward and took her hand in his, while his other hand hesitantly rose to brush over her cheek. Every move was slow and deliberate, like he was giving her the time and space to stop him or step away. But Aerith was rooted to the spot, frozen by his touch and what he was asking. She felt her eyes go wide, and she knew she had to say something. But when her mouth fell open, no words came out.

A little bolder and surer of himself, Cloud tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear, a gesture so tender and gentle that Aerith felt a bit like bursting into tears. He pressed his lips together and swallowed thickly. “Can—Can I…?”

A stronger person might have said no. A stronger person might never had let them get to this point at all. But all Aerith could do was nod.

A flash of disbelief passed over his face, as if he’d still expected her to say no. Then he furrowed his brows and leaned closer to her until their lips were a breath apart—hesitant until the very last second, like she was going to break or disappear.

“Cloud?” she whispered.

He blinked and shook his head a little, as if coming out of a trance. Then, all at once, the hand on her cheek slid to the back of her head as he nudged her towards him to finally close the hint of distance between them.

Cloud’s kiss was just like him: gentle, nervous, but determined and a bit rough. Aerith felt her room key slip from her hand as she wrapped both her arms around his shoulders and kissed him back. Cloud’s other hand, the one not cradling the back of her head, went to her waist, pulling her even closer.

Aerith knew full well that this was a huge mistake, that she was throwing all her efforts to protect him down the drain. She supposed they would be in good company with her self-control. Because, damnit, she’d wanted to kiss Cloud for so long, and now that she was doing it she wasn’t sure she’d ever stop.

He broke away for a moment, but didn’t go far. “Aerith,” he murmured on her lips. “I—”

“Shh.” She closed the gap again. He seemed to have no objections to that, because his grip on her waist tightened as he pulled her even closer.

Cloud kissed her like he wanted to tell her something. It’s real, Aerith, it’s real, please, don’t let it be just for tonight, I’m tired of games and secrets, I love you, I love you, I love you.

And Aerith kissed him like she wanted to answer. It’s real for me too, I don’t want this to be just for tonight either, I’d lost our stupid game before we even started playing it, I love you, I love you, I love you.

She could feel the pounding of his heart almost as if it was coming from inside her chest, and she wondered if he could feel hers the same way. She smiled over his lips, and he just kissed her harder, while his hand at her waist shifted to rub gentle circles on her back. Aerith pulled him even closer, trying to commit everything about him to memory. His warmth, his taste, his scent, the way his hair felt threaded through her fingers—just him, just Cloud.

Down in the lobby of the Haunted Hotel, the grandfather clock chimed—midnight. And, just like in a fairy tale, it broke the spell.

Aerith froze with her hands tangled in Cloud’s hair as she returned to reality. The reality where they couldn’t be a normal couple sharing a good-night kiss after a date, where they weren’t supposed to be in love at all, where Aerith had to be the one to know better, despite how much it hurt.

Cloud pulled away from her. “Aerith…?” he called, voice a little hoarse. His whole face was flushed crimson, and his pupils were blown wide. His hair was even messier than usual and his mouth was hanging open, huffing a little through kiss-swollen lips. He looked stunning, and she’d done that to him.

Aerith screwed her eyes shut, willing that image to disappear from her brain. “It’s tomorrow,” she whispered, fighting to keep her voice even.

She felt him stiffen in her arms. When she looked at him again, it was like something had cracked in his expression. He stared at her like she’d just stabbed him, shock and hurt clear as day. She wished she hadn’t looked. “I’m sorry,” she said, slipping out of his grasp.

Cloud let her, and his arms fell limply to his sides. “Aerith, I—” He pressed his lips together. “I’m sorry,” he muttered then, averting his gaze.

Aerith shook her head. “Don’t be. You didn’t do anything wrong.” She fought the urge to cup his cheek in her hand, settling instead for a quick pat on his upper arm. “Good-night.”

Quickly, she picked up her room key and unlocked the door. As she slipped through, she looked at him again. He hadn’t moved from his spot, and he still had his eyes fixed on the floor.

Aerith forced a smile. “Hey, chin up,” she said. “Gotta be in tip-top shape tomorrow, right? Better get some rest.”

Cloud blinked twice as he met her gaze again, then frowned. “Right,” he spat out, bitter and hurt. Aerith winced. He seemed to notice, and something in his face softened. “Right,” he repeated, gentler but no less upset. “I’ll, uh, see you tomorrow.”

She nodded. “Yeah. Good-night, Cloud.”

“Night.”

If she looked into those big, sad eyes of his any longer, she knew she would have jumped right back into his arms, so Aerith quickly shut the door between them. With a sigh, she leaned her head against it and closed her eyes.

She hated herself.

And she hated fate, and the Whispers, and the Aerith of the past who was calling all the shots for the Aerith of the present, and her stupid, stupid feelings pulling her in every direction at once. More than anything, she hated the hurt darkening Cloud’s face, the bitterness in his voice, and she hated that she was the cause of all of it.

She felt like crying, but she didn’t deserve to.

After what felt like an eternity, muffled footsteps came from the other side of the door, and it occurred to her that she hadn’t heard Cloud walking away after she’d closed it. She gulped down a sob at the thought that he might have been standing there that whole time, alone in the hallway, maybe hoping she’d come back.

“I love you,” she whispered, barely loud enough for even her to hear. The words tasted bittersweet on her tongue: sweet, because they were true and beautiful; bitter, because she was saying them to a closed door.

---

Aerith was sure that the owner of the bar was going to kick her out any minute now. She just hoped that her half empty glass of foul bottom shelf… whatever would be enough to convince him that she still counted as a customer, rather than an anxious little thing hiding away at his counter far too late in the night.

No. Half full. Her glass was half full. It had to be, because then everything would be fine at the Temple and they’d get the Black Materia back and they’d all be okay and—

“That any good?” came  Cloud’s voice, soft behind her.

She straightened up, then shook her head. “No,” she said, not particularly caring if the owner heard her. She still pushed the glass towards Cloud as he sat down on the stool next to hers. “But you can try it, if you want.”

“I’ll pass. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you drink.”

Aerith shrugged. “Don’t do it often. I don’t like it when my brain’s fuzzy. Usually.” Tonight, I wish it was.

Cloud hummed. “Yeah. Same.”

Neither of them said anything for a long beat. Aerith bit her lip. They hadn’t actually gotten a moment alone since their date at the Gold Saucer. The day after had been… a lot. The Coliseum match, the Turks, Cait Sith’s betrayal, the panic and anxiety of it all. There had been no time to talk, no time to rest. Only once, in the night, had Cloud reached out for her. They’d been riding in the buggy, crossing the desert in their desperate rush to make it to the Temple of the Ancients before it was too late. Aerith had thought that almost everyone was asleep—except for Tifa, at the driver’s wheel, and Cid, operating as her navigator. Aerith couldn’t sleep, though. Thoughts of the Black Materia, of Cait Sith, of the Ancients, of Sephiroth kept running through her mind a mile a minute, and she just couldn’t stop. Until someone shifted next to her, and then suddenly there was a hand in hers, warm and solid. She’d turned to Cloud, blinking slowly. He hadn’t said anything, just brushed his thumb over her knuckles. Then, he’d nodded towards his shoulder—an invitation that Aerith had accepted with a sigh of relief, greedily taking in his warmth as she rested her head on it and closed her eyes again.

There had been no need for words that night. She wasn’t sure it was the same now. It was the calm before the storm—one night in Costa del Sol before they would board the Bronco and sail North. To face whatever was waiting for them there. Suddenly, the silence was suffocating.

“You worried?” she asked, folding her arms on the counter and sneaking him a glance.

Cloud sighed. “We’ll be fine. We’ll get the Black Materia back.”

“We will.” She hummed, leaning her forehead down on her crossed arms. “Still.”

“Still what?”

Aerith drew in a deep breath. “I think I’m more than worried. I’m scared,” she whispered.

She felt his hand land tentatively on her shoulder. “I got you,” he said. “I promised you I’d keep you safe, didn’t I?”

“You did.” She turned her head a bit to look at him. His eyes were soft, understanding, but determined and focused. “Thanks. I’ll keep you safe too.”

Cloud cracked a smile. “That’s not how bodyguards work.”

Aerith giggled, straightening up. “It’s how this one works.” She leaned on the counter again, this time on a propped elbow. “He acts real tough and strong, but he still needs his favourite florist to bail him out of trouble every once in a while.”

He playfully rolled his eyes. “As if.”

She stuck her tongue out at him, then gave him a small smile. “I protect you, you protect me. Deal?”

Cloud nodded slowly. “Deal.”

Quiet descended once again. It wasn’t an uncomfortable silence, but it was charged. As if they were both waiting for something.

In the end, Cloud was the one who broke it. “We need to talk,” he said, furrowing his brows seriously.

Aerith gave him a lopsided smile. “We are talking.”

He frowned, but it was almost more of a pout. “Aerith.”

“Yeah. I know.” She sighed. “Sorry.”

Cloud took a deep breath. He opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, with no progress on his starting sentence. Aerith giggled quietly, and he shot her an unhappy look. “Give me a break.”

“Sorry, sorry,” she said, still smiling. “Go on.”

He inched his hand forward on the counter until it brushed hers. Without breaking eye contact, he gently entwined their fingers. Aerith stilled a little, but let him.

Letting out a sigh, Cloud stroked circles with his thumb on the back of her hand. “If I ask you a question, will you promise to answer me? And tell me the truth?”

Aerith bit her lip. “Cloud—”

His hold on her hand tightened. “Please,” he whispered. “I need to know.”

She looked into his pleading eyes, and there was nothing she could do but nod.

Cloud broke eye contact, but didn’t let go of her hand. “Our game,” he started. “Still playing?”

Aerith wanted to laugh. They were still speaking in code. She supposed it was easier than the alternative.

Do you love me? Are you still trying not to?

A few days before, she would have tried to find an escape. She’d have teased him and avoided answering. But she was tired. So tired, so sad, so scared, and maybe a little tipsy too.

So, she shook her head. “No. I lost a long time ago.”

Cloud sucked in a sharp breath. “You did?” he asked, so quiet that she almost missed it.

Aerith hummed. “I tried. I’ve been trying. But… I guess I always knew I was going to lose, didn’t I? That’s why I tried to put it on you.”

“Too late,” he blurted out. He grimaced slightly, then cleared his throat. “It was always too late.”

She blinked at him. “What?”

He was blushing to the tip of his ears and refusing to meet her eye. “Yeah. I think the dream was when I knew, but…” He shook his head. “It’s like I told you in Nibelheim. It was inevitable. From the moment I met you, I was always going to—” He cut himself off and finally looked at her again.

Aerith could only stare at him. She’d known he had feelings for her now, but… “Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked. “All this time—”

Cloud scoffed. “After two weeks? After two days? That’s creepy as hell.”

“I suppose,” she said, giggling as she drew closer. “But it would have saved us a lot of headaches.”

He frowned a little. “And you? You could’ve said something earlier.”

“I could’ve.” She dropped her gaze to the ground. “But I told you—I was trying to protect you. Guess I was always doomed to fail there, huh?” She swallowed a knot in her throat. “I’m scared.” Then, she felt his hand on her chin, gently tilting her head up to meet his eyes again.

“I’m here,” he whispered. “And I’ll be here. As long as you want me to.”

Aerith pressed her lips together. “I don’t know what’s gonna happen now. I don’t know what we’ll find at the Temple. I just—”

“We’ll figure it out. Okay?”

She nodded a little shakily. Then, she closed her eyes. “Okay.” His hand slowly shifted so that he was cupping her face. As he gently stroked the skin under her eye, Aerith sighed and leaned into the touch. “What did I ever do to deserve you?” she whispered, covering his hand with hers. “You’re still here, fighting for me, despite everything.”

Cloud chuckled. “I told you before. You’re you and I’m me. You’re worth it. That’s all.”

She smiled. “Inevitable, right?”

“For me it was. But it takes two.”

“Well, it was inevitable for me too,” she replied, stealing a kiss from his palm. “But I just want the record to show that if anything happens, I tried.”

Cloud scoffed. “Noted. But I won’t let it.”

Aerith hummed, studying his face. His eyes were focused, but soft—soft like in the picture, soft like on the Skywheel, like at the water tower, like at the bonfire, like on the beach, like in the dream. She leaned a little closer to him. “Can I kiss you now?”

Cloud stilled for a fraction of a second. Then, instead of replying, he just closed the distance between them. This kiss was nothing like their first: no rush, no nervousness, no uncertainty. Just quiet affection and relief.

“I love you,” murmured Aerith without breaking contact. “I love you.” And, this time, it was all sweet. So sweet.

In response, Cloud let go of her hand to cup her face with both of his and pull her even closer to him. He muttered something against her lips, something she couldn’t quite make out, but it didn’t really matter. She had a good guess.

Cloud was the one to pull away first, this time. His eyes shone with love and relief, and Aerith thought that she wanted to drown in the Mako blue. “I won’t let anything happen,” he repeated, barely above a whisper. “I’m not losing you, no matter what.”

Aerith smiled, tracing his jawline with a delicate finger. “Promise?”

He nodded. “Promise.”

[yanderelmk]

May I ask headcanons for a yandere lady bone demon? Since I watch her scenes I bet she would touch her 'destiny' words on gn reader telling destiny wants them to be together, it's something that got stuck on my head when I think on it XD and some quotes if you want? 👉👈

Thanks a lot!

The LBD would definitely have the Mayor watching and guarding you 24/7. Your every move is carefully kept under watch so you don't accidentally stumble upon and ruin her plans.

You may have moments where you wake up unsure of how you got somewhere, in those moments you likely got too close to something so the Bone Demoness took the liberty of safely relocating you.

"Our being together is simply another part of beautiful destiny. You will be the crown jewel in my new era of perfection."

If possible, she's going to find a way to mark either you or your aura so no one, be they mortal or immortal, can mistake you as anything but hers.

"Sweet blessing of mine, there is no need for you to worry. Everything will work out as it should, all you must do is simply sit back and let me carve out a new world where we can live in harmony. Is that not what you desire most of all? The two of us side by side in a utopia of peace where the imperfections of the world can no longer harm us? I will do everything within my power to make that paradise a reality for us both."

The LBD is normally a collected, calm individual, but that goes right out the window the second it looks like someone is trying to hurt you, she'll possess them just to make them throw themselves off the biggest height she can find...if she's feeling merciful or is pressed for time.

She doesn't have time to constantly be punishing the unworthy who lay their hands upon you or sully your ears with lies about just how perfect you are. Luckily, the Mayor is all to glad to assist his lady in such matters, and the man can get rather...creative.

With how manipulative she is, it's probably necessary in her mind to keep you as under her thumb as possible. She might even get you to start believing in the destiny she talks about. After all, who doesn't want a world free of strife? Wouldn't things be easier if you just let her take control? After all, she treats you with such love and care, that has to mean she'll be just as kind to everyone else in her new era, right?

Of course if you push her too far she won't hesitate to possess you. One way or another, you're going to be by her side for all of eternity.

"Their imperfections have clouded your judgement, my love. The only thing left to do is grant you this mercy and heal the fractured logic that has made you turn from me."

I just realized the LBD heavily fits the song Perfect Circle - Pet:

"I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and all your demons. I'll be the one to protect you from a will to survive and a voice of reason. I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and your choices son. We're one and the same I must isolate you... Isolate and save you from yourself."

[somebodys-nightmare]

Cloti Fanfic - Diamonds in the Sky

I'm really getting hyped for FFVII Rebirth, Ever Crisis, and more cloti content. I have some new fics I'm working on, but I thought in the meantime, I'd start sharing some of my old work here since I haven't gotten much use out of this tumblr. You can read them here or at the Ao3 Links that I share.

Today I am sharing one that I had a lot of fun writing a couple of years ago. Enjoy!

Title: Diamonds in the Sky

Rating: E

Pairing: Cloud Strife/Tifa Lockhart

Summary: Under the cover of stars, Tifa shares intimate moments with Cloud throughout their journey, unearthing her deepest feelings for the boy she's loved ever since he committed himself to her atop a water tower, long ago.

Diamonds In The Sky

They never talk about it.

It’s a weight between them, but Tifa doesn’t want to acknowledge it.  She can’t, even though every time she wakes up, the words and the questions hover over her tongue, thicker and heavier when she glances over at him and finds his eyes on her face or her body but quickly averting away.  Their stares meet briefly, and then they fall apart, and he rises and that is the end of it.

They never speak of it, not throughout the days’ travels and trials, not whenever they catch one another’s glances throughout the day, not when they fall in step beside each other, and not when they find themselves by each other’s side again the very next night.

They’ve been sleeping together.

They never talk about it, but ever since that first night, miles outside of Kalm, it becomes a habit that they both fall into wordlessly and that neither of them can avoid.  And it always happens beneath the cover of the sky, never at inns or under the safety of a roof.  

Always under the stars.

Tifa knows that something changed between them during that moment in the garden.  She felt it in his embrace, in the tightness of his hold on her when he drew her in, in the strength hidden in his arms as he held her.  Even though she had been fracturing from the pain of their losses, from the destruction of the only home she had left, and from the deaths of more innocents that she somehow knew she was at least partially responsible for, she had felt it.  There was more behind his hug than comfort; there was a yearning and a passion that simmered dangerously beneath the surface of both their skin, hearts thundering and bodies trembling, Tifa crushed to him to the point that her ribs were sore and her lungs constricted.

Ever since that moment, things had been different.  She’d seen it in his eyes when he stared back at her on the Shinra Tower’s roof, felt it in the way his hand locked around her wrist when she kept him from falling to his death.

Whatever happened between them when he folded her into his embrace, Tifa knows that it kicked up her own feelings, feelings that she’s held on to since she was a gangly limbed preteen on a water tower under a sea of blue and white glitter.

The first time it happens, it’s outside of Kalm, miles past the marshes and the mines.  Tifa still feels the heaviness of their visit to that village on her heart, the weight of Cloud’s shared memories, so many of them mismatching her own.  All day she rolls them through her thoughts, trying not to let the distraction impede her abilities on the battlefield and as a productive member of their party.  But she can’t dissuade herself from the fact that there is something wrong, that the facts don’t add up, that Cloud is worse off inside than he had been when she found him shaking and shivering in the rain at a train station in Midgar.

All it does is draw her closer to him, a magnetism erupting that keeps them from being apart for too long.

That night, they make camp in a quiet forest, the night still and the air crisp and cool enough to raise bumps on her arms. Their tents go up and their bedrolls unfurl, a campfire brought to life by the flame of Red XIII’s tail.

Cloud hovers at the edge of their camp, arms crossed over the broad firmness of his chest as cool cerulean surveys the line of trees beyond.  He’ll keep first watch, he negotiates with Barret.  He doesn’t say much beyond that.

Tifa can’t fall asleep and she can’t help the way that her mind races, even as Aerith’s soft snoring at her side reminds her of all of the exhaustion and tired aches in her body.  Her mind is consumed by him, wondering why so many pieces of the puzzle he’s presented to them don’t fit with her own memories, why he’s always so surly and detached, why the feel of her chest pressed against his is a memory she can’t let go of and one she craves the sensation of again.

The rest of the group is already fast asleep, and Tifa rises, rolling away from Aerith and brushing off her skirt as she gets to her feet.  She affords a final glance behind her before she trudges through the clearing, grass silently crushed beneath the tracks in her boots.

She finds him leaned up against the trunk of a wide tree at the edge of the cluster of maples and oaks, overlooking the expanse of an open field that leads to the roads that head west.  Their path to Junon is just beyond, Tifa knows.  In the morning, he’ll be leading them in that direction.

“Hey.”

He knows she’s there before she even realizes what she’s doing, stopping a pace away from his side.  He’s sitting with his knees open, arms draped atop them, buster sword at his side in the grass with the rusted hilt just within reach.  

Gloved fingers twitch, and he slides the sword out of the way, moving it to the other side and making space for her.

She crashes into a sparkling oasis of blue when he looks up at her, his eyes infected by the beacons of light in the sky above.  They are placid and calm, and the fusion of green - that verdant glow that has frightened and worried her since she first found him - seeps away little by little as he drinks in her appearance.  

“Hey,” Tifa responds timidly.

Cloud lowers his right arm from his leg, gesturing lightly to the open space beside him.  “Can’t sleep?” he asks.

Tifa swallows, pulling her eyes from his face to glance down at the patch of grass next to him.  Her fingers twitch at her sides.  The last time he asked her that question, she ended up in his arms.

“Not really,” she admits.

She isn’t sure how it happens, exactly, but she’s soon crouching down to his side, hugging her knees in front of her.  She’s aware of the warmth of his body, the heat emanating from him reminding her of how close they had been to one another just a couple of nights ago.  She craves that feeling again, realizing that the yearning for it has only doubled inside of her since the moment she told him he was hurting her and he released her.

Cloud leans back, positioning his arm behind her, against the tree.  It opens up his body to her, offering her a little more space to close between them.  She eyes it, turning her head slightly towards him, and she catches his eyes on her face.

He says nothing, but Tifa can read every word in those azure depths.  There are questions and pleas there, the same fervid desperations and the same emotional need that has been locked away in her own heart these last few days.  He blinks, softness rippling across his features, unspoken understanding blooming in the bright sparkle of blue and green between pale yellow lashes.

She leans in.

His arm that’s behind her raises and falls around her shoulders, crushing her to him.  Tifa wonders if Cloud is aware of his own strength.  His management of it is always so fluid and seamless on the battlefield, his body twisting through every hack and slash with the grace of a ballet dancer.  But in moments like this, he is graceless.  He is clumsy and awkward and too strong, his arm vicing her against a chest that feels like steel.

Tifa doesn’t complain this time, though.  She welcomes the heaviness of his grip, enjoys the way the chills of the night air are chased away by the heat of his body.  He becomes a fortress of protection around her, shielding her from the demons and ghosts that have been following them both from their pasts.  And even though she’s still worried, even though she still questions his recollections of events, she discards the pain that’s become a stamp on her heart, tosses it to the side, and leaves it to be examined when the stars she loves are gone and the sun returns with truth and reality riding its rays.

He smells good, Tifa realizes.  She never thought about it before - the last time she had been this close to him, the only thing she could smell was cinder and ash, the burned, wooden remnants of her home.  But this time, she can smell the faint scent of his sweat that’s blended with clean, un-fragranced soap and that crisp, earthy note that comes from the mako in his blood.  It wraps around her like a pleasant fog, enveloping her in safety and care, and her head falls to his shoulder, her eyes closing to the world around them and the miseries and concerns that she’s been carrying.  He holds her through the night, and Tifa doesn’t know if he ever finds sleep or not.

All she knows is that he’s there.

.

.

.

The next time it happens, they’re above the open sea.  Tifa’s stuffed into the tight confines of an infantry uniform, knee pads and shoulder guards uncomfortably restricting, her chest compacted under heavy straps and her waist cinched by leather belts.  It makes her feel sorry for all of the poor teenagers she remembers seeing in the slums who were tucked into this same hallmark of tyranny.

Wearing this uniform reminds her of how this all began, of how she found herself crossing the ocean to the other side of the world.  She remembers them coming to her village and following her into the mountains, remembers them guarding the reactor, remembers dragging one away from the snarls of a dragon’s claws after he tried to save her life.  She remembers them patrolling the slums, remembers the one who she watched bleed out from his throat right in front of her very eyes, a casualty of the war they were embroiled in even though he thought he’d chosen the right side.

She tries to tear it from her mind, but it’s been bothering her ever since she stood between Aerith and Yuffie in the locker room as they pulled on these disguises.  The collapse of the Sector Seven plate had only been one shard of her guilt, but she knew that the glass had already been shattered all around her, and every bit of distance they traveled further away from Midgar fills her with the reminder of what their passion for revenge has wrought.

She’s spent most of her time above deck, Aerith at her side, listening as she shared little bits of her life with her.  They’ve grown close over the last few days, both of them using their time traveling together to unearth one another’s pasts. It’s small comfort, being able to open up to someone a little bit, even if there are some things that Tifa knows she’ll never divulge.

Now, though, the sun has gone down and they are still hours from the opposite shore, nothing but gentle waves of endless blue surrounding them.  They’ve managed to get this far undetected on the Shinra vessel, and Tifa relaxes a little as night falls, some of the tension slipping from her shoulders. Aerith ventures below deck with Yuffie to nap, and Tifa declines to join them, needing air and needing him.

She knows Cloud is still up here, seeing him head past the bridge towards the ship’s stern just a little while ago.  She ventures in that direction, keeping her wits about her as she passes a couple of grunts in similar uniforms, the enemy always afoot.

She finds him leaning over the railing, looking out at the sea below as it races away from them, Junon and its canon now fully disappeared from their rearview.  She only knows it’s him from his gait and the lean lines of his body, and as her heart pumps a little faster, Tifa realizes that she would know his physique anywhere, no matter what he’s wearing.

Even though she pads in his direction quietly, he turns, already aware of her presence.  She slows a pace, stopping a few feet in front of him, and he drops his arms from where they’re crossed over his chest, opening himself up to her.  He’s not wearing his helmet, and the breeze is ruffling his hair, leaving it to shine like platinum under the moonlight above.  His eyes narrow, watching her carefully, and they scan her from head to toe in an effort to identify her.

Tifa stops, chancing a careful glance around before she reaches up and pulls her own helmet away.  She clutches it at her side, and she watches as Cloud’s entire countenance visibly relaxes, the green pulse around his pupils dimming.

“Tifa,” he says, his voice low and light and carrying over the splash of the ocean against the ship’s starboard.

She doesn’t respond - for some reason, every time he calls her name like that, it sets loose a sense of incoherence inside of her.  She feels her cheeks warm, and even the sting of the cool ocean breeze can’t dull the excitement that his attention unleashes inside of her.

Slowly, Tifa saunters up to him, finding a place at his side.  His eyes follow her the entire way, his body turning to face her until she is right beside him.  She can feel the burn of those mako blues on her face and on her body that is cramped into this uncomfortable uniform.  It doesn’t help the way that she’s already blushing like mad, and she hopes that he can’t see it with the darkness around them.

Despite the embarrassment that her feelings are sending in a tumble inside of her, Tifa can’t bear to be away from him.  They haven’t spoken all day, and the day was long.  She’s tired, and she misses him.

Badly.

“The others have gone below deck to sleep,” she says after a beat passes between them and all she can hear is the crash of the sea.  

“Most of the crew has already taken it down for the night,” Cloud states observantly.  “There’s just a couple on the other side of the bridge who are on night watch.”

Tifa nods, placing the helmet at her feet.  For whatever reason, her heart is almost as loud as the sea, and it would be easy for her to say goodnight and find a quiet place to rest.

But she can’t be away from him.

“Everything okay?” he asks when the silence stretches on for too long.

“Yeah,” Tifa responds, turning to face him.  In the darkness, his eyes seem to glow, but the mako in them has receded.  It’s the blue that she remembers from her most cherished memories that’s piercing her now, and its color draws her near until she’s leaning against him.

Cloud notices her closeness and immediately draws her in with an arm around her shoulders, and Tifa completes the hold with an arm around his waist.  Her right breast squishes against his chest, and even with these claustrophobic uniforms that they’re both wearing, the contact sends a spark throughout her body that crashes between her thighs.

Cloud is looking down at her.  “Funny,” he comments, a teasing edge in his voice that has her quirking an eyebrow.  “You make this shitty uniform look better than anyone.”

She’s blushing again, instantly turning away from his smirk and schooling her gaze on the navy blue depths below.  She can’t bite back the smile that stretches her lips, though.  Cloud’s propensity to flirt so casually catches her off guard every time. She doesn’t know what’s changed in the years that faded between them, and she wonders what kinds of experiences he’s had while he’s been away.  The Cloud she remembers was too shy to even look her in the eye when he asked her to meet him on the water tower, but this Cloud has no problem letting those cobalt beacons pin her to the ground when he compliments her with such effortlessness.

She brushes past his praise, even though it has lit up parts of her body that she’d rather not acknowledge. “Think we’ll be in Costa Del Sol soon?” she asks, hoping to thwart the emergence of her feelings for this boy for a little while longer.

Cloud turns to face her fully now, letting both arms pull her in.  She wonders when they crossed the boundary into a space where this closeness happens with such unspoken ease.  But she doesn’t fight it, and she leans in, accepting him with her arms around his narrow waist.

“Early morning is my guess,” Cloud answers.  “The climate is already starting to shift.  You should get some rest.  Head down with the others, Tifa.  I’ll keep watch here.”

“I want to stay with you,” she blurts.

One of Cloud’s eyebrows quirks, but otherwise, he wears an unreadable mask.  Tifa can’t help but stare up at him, feeling the cyclone in her belly escalate until it is in her chest and her heart is racing and loud.  She hates it, because she’s pressed right up against him and she knows he can feel it, can probably hear it, too.

He doesn’t say anything as he studies her face for a long moment, and Tifa realizes he’s reading her.  He knows her better than anyone, she knows, and he gleans it all from his senses, from his eyes on her face and his hands on her body, from the sound of every breath she releases.

She wishes she could say the same.

He nods, and wordlessly, he begins to crouch, pulling her with him.  Tifa falls pliant, dropping to her knees at his side.  She’s content to lean against him again the way that she did nights ago, the last time she remembers getting a night of restful sleep.

But he’s pulling on her arms, trying to arrange her into a different position.  She doesn’t resist, despite the way that curiosity bubbles up inside of her.  He’s pulling her into his lap, she realizes, her cheeks bright and burning like the sun.  He spreads his knees and centers her between them, and his arms wrap around the front of her body, holding her tight and holding her close.

Tifa can’t help the shiver that runs like an electrical current through her body, her back flush against the solid wall of his torso.  He responds by giving her a little squeeze, but once again, he underestimates his strength.  She hears her bones crack, but she doesn’t complain because he’s nuzzling the side of her throat with his nose. Tifa doesn’t care how many boundaries they’ve crossed.  All she wants is to feel like this forever.

“You sure you’re okay, Teef?” he asks her, and his breath is so hot against her skin that her pulse quickens.  His voice has taken on that gentleness that she never hears unless they are alone, and she knows that it’s only for her.  It makes her feel special, and the sound rides a slow vibration across her body, stiffening her nipples and raising the hair on her arms, pulsing between her thighs. His hands have dropped to her wrists, and he’s running them up and down her forearms, inspiring warmth and inspiring her fantasies, ones she’s been forced to face over the course of the last couple of weeks.  Tifa folds her legs under her and curls into his hold, wishing away the layers of this stupid uniform that keep them from being skin to skin.

“I’m okay,” is all she can manage, her voice so tiny she can barely hear it over the waves below.

Cloud does something then.  He presses his lips to her cheek, leaving her with a kiss that burns.  It shocks her, and as he drags the softness of his pretty mouth across her flesh, leaving her with a final peck against her earring where it dangles from her lobe, Tifa feels a wave of pleasure wash over her entire body.  She feels herself staining her underwear, and her cheeks are tinged by the sudden blood rush that is hitting her.  If he has any idea of what he’s doing to her, he doesn’t let on.

“I’m here,” he whispers in her ear.  “Get some sleep, Tifa.”

There’s a lustful possession in the way he says her name, and feeling the stiffness of his crotch behind her, Tifa realizes she’s affecting him the same way he affects her.  Kissing her face is the farthest he’ll allow it to go, but Tifa knows doubtlessly that something’s changed.

Irrevocably, she hopes.

She settles and lets herself lean into it. Cloud is hers, in ways she can’t say out loud, but he’s still here, the way he said he would be and the way he promised.  The stars sparkle in a sky that’s as purple as it is black, and it spills glitter all across the sea.  They are the last things that Tifa sees before she closes her eyes, inhaling the fresh scent of saltwater as she melts into Cloud’s hold.

She sleeps.

.

.

.

After that, they steal moments when they can - she leans against him in front of the flames of the Cosmo Candle, even holds his hand when they pass through the gates of Nibelheim, uncovering a pristine village that they both know should be ash. He meets her atop the water tower where he made his promise to her, and he reaffirms it with his arms around her and his lips on her forehead, letting her weep through the misery of memories that bleed and remind them both of what could have been and what will never be.

But they’ve had the luxury of inns and taverns throughout their journey, and Tifa always rooms with the girls.  They don’t share a bed, not daring to arouse the suspicions of their friends any more than they are stirred as it is.  They don’t have another opportunity to sleep together until days later, after they’ve passed through Mt. Nibel and they face another hundred miles to hike before they make it to Rocket Town.

Their party has grown by that point, and so they set up a real camp, a full fire blazing in its center.  Tifa cooks a meal from the rations they’ve collected, and they share rum from a canteen that Barret passes around while he and Aerith and Yuffie keep the conversation alive.  Vincent abandons them by the time the sky is black, and the girls are giggling and tipsy.  Tifa wants to join in on their camaraderie, but she’s still wearing the burden of their visit to Nibelheim, still can’t climb through the fog of sadness that has infected her heart. 

Cloud sits at her side, quiet the entire time. When their group is finally spent, the girls passing out in their sleeping bags inside their tents, Barret snoring at the farthest edge of their encampment and Red curled up in a ball in front of the fire, he turns to her.

“Ready for bed?”

The softness is in his voice again, and it’s carried by a suggestiveness that makes Tifa press her knees together.  She turns to him, her heart starting to pick up speed, and it careens out of beat when their eyes meet.  He’s looking at her expectantly, and she nods in response to his query.

Cloud pushes up to his feet, extending a hand to her.  She accepts it, and she rises, following him when he leads her towards his tent and leaving hers abandoned where it sits in a cluster with the girls on the opposite side of the fire.

They duck inside, and Tifa can’t slow the pace of her heart, can’t stop the way that her palms begin to sweat.  It’s even darker inside the tent, but she can see the bounce of starlight through its fabric. Cloud has already laid out his bedroll, and the blankets are strewn to one side.

He crouches and sits, unzipping his boots.  He removes his pauldron and harness, shoving all of it to one side.  Tifa sits across from him, and unsure of what else to do, unlaces her boots and dismantles her own armor.

Cloud is pulling away his gloves when their eyes meet in the darkness.  His left wrist is wrapped to the elbow in thick white gauze, and having never seen him without his gloves and armor, the sight catches Tifa’s attention.  Sliding her compression sleeves off to the side, she folds her legs under her and looks up at him as he rubs his wrist, almost as if in pain.

“Why is your arm bandaged like that?” she can’t help but ask.

Cloud is looking down at the offending arm, and he clenches his hand, flexing the muscles of his entire forearm.  Tifa studies his hands, and she realizes that they are beautiful.  His fingers are long and his skin looks soft, even though she can see the callouses under his palms.

His eyes narrow, a pinched expression crossing his face.  He refuses to meet eyes with her.

“I…” he starts, and Tifa watches his brows furrow further.  “Just an injury.  I usually let it breathe at night.”

He stops there, and Tifa feels the anxiety of his words unspool, thickening the air in this tiny tent that they are sharing.  It’s a little bit suffocating, and Tifa realizes that she’s become as in tune with his feelings as he is with hers.

All she wants to do is make him feel better.

She reaches forward, taking his wrist in her hand.  His are so much larger than hers are, and she realizes it truly when she sees them side by side like this, both of them finally gloveless.  Tifa scoots closer to him, and in the confines of this tiny tent, she’s nearly on top of him.  His breath hitches, but he doesn’t move, and Tifa is instantly comforted by his warmth that she can feel as she draws near.

“Let me help,” she says softly.

Cloud doesn’t protest, just relaxes his arm and lets it fall in her lap.  She knows that he’s watching her face when she brings her fingers to the strip of bandaging, knows he’s watching her intently as she unwraps it.

She works slowly, because her hands are trembling and her heart is racing.  She’s close to Cloud again in a way she’s been dreaming about since the night on the boat, and there’s something uniquely intimate about this act that she’s performing, stripping away this thin barrier that has shielded a vulnerability of his from her and everyone else. That he’s letting her in this close warms her soul, and Tifa feels the firefight of excitement dance throughout her body, realizing that almost all of the walls that Cloud had erected when they first reunited have melted away.

He’s always there for her, Tifa thinks.  Let her be there for him, too.

She unravels the bandaging and drops it off to the side with his gloves. Cloud’s no longer watching her face, instead has dropped his gaze and is looking away.  But Tifa is staring at his arm, unable to resist the impulse to reach out and run her fingers gently across his flesh.

The skin there is broken, puckered in places as if he had been stabbed and clawed at, maybe even prodded at with needles.  She can see the remnants of a faded blue and yellow bruise beneath the scabs, and Cloud flexes his hand again, bubbling his vein against his skin, his muscles straining.  

“What happened?” she asks him.

Cloud shrugs and his eyes lift again to meet hers.  There’s a pain living there that stabs at her, and Tifa realizes the hurt is far deeper than the surface of those wounds.  It comes from something deep inside of him, connected to his inability to recall certain memories, attached to hopelessness and a sense of loss and darkness he’s been muddled in since she discovered him in the rain.

It breaks Tifa’s heart.

She wants to take that pain away.  Without thinking, Tifa bends down, dropping her lips to his forearm.  She kisses all along the scars and the damage, every press gentle and soft.  She hears Cloud emit a tiny, surprised sound that is almost a sigh, but she doesn’t stop.  His skin is impossibly warm under her mouth, and Tifa suddenly wants to devour him.

Moments pass with her adoring him with affection this way before Cloud stops her, his free hand coming to her chin.  He pulls her gently, and Tifa sits back up, letting her eyes meet his.  Their faces are only inches apart at this point, and she can feel the heat of his breath when his lips part.

“Thank you,” he whispers to her before he kisses her.

Tifa doesn’t realize what’s coming until it happens - he leans in quickly, and then, his lips are on hers.  She feels the gentle press of his mouth on hers, and his lips are so impossibly soft that it feels like a dream, as if it isn’t real.  They are warm and so is Cloud, his arms falling around her body and pulling her into the heat of his embrace.

It’s Tifa’s first kiss, and it’s with Cloud, the boy she’s wanted to kiss since she was thirteen.  This thought flutters through her mind and she wonders idly if it’s his too, if he’s wanted to kiss her as long as she has wanted to share this simple act of affection with him.  Her thoughts spin, thousands of possibilities bubbling up her insecurities, but they are scattered when his too-strong arms squeeze and crush her against him, her ribcage feeling the brunt of it.

He doesn’t demand too much, even though Tifa can feel the tightly wound tension in his body that tells her he is eager for more.  Cloud is always so gentle with her, and even now, he doesn’t part his mouth too much or invade hers with his tongue, as badly as she wants to feel it.  All she feels is the heat of his lips and the hot line of wetness between them, and her core clenches, because she wants more more more.

She’s always wanted more with Cloud, and now their relationship is truly teetering beyond a border where, maybe, just maybe, despite the trauma and the tragedies that they share, she might be able to find it.

They break apart after a moment, and Cloud offers her the slightest hint of a smirk.  It’s warm, but Tifa sees the smugness behind it, and she knows he’s feeling a sense of triumph at stealing that first kiss from her.  It’s okay, because she feels the same.

His eyes pass over her body where she’s crouched in front of him, and Tifa doesn’t miss how they’ve shadowed into a midnight blue, the fervency of quiet lust embedded within.  It sets off the throb between her thighs, and she realizes that her nipples have hardened, and she’s eternally grateful that it’s too dark in here for him to notice such a detail.

She hopes.

“We should try to get some sleep,” he says tacitly, carefully pulling on her arms to guide her to lay down.

They settle next to each other on the bedroll, Tifa’s heart crashing like the hooves of horses against pavement inside her chest.  She rolls to her side, facing the flaps of the tent, which are slightly parted and let in a leak of starlight.  She curls into herself protectively, her body still alight from Cloud’s lips on hers.  She’s trying to tamp down her excitement, but there’s no denying the way that Cloud works her up.  She’s wet and pulsing between her thighs, her breasts are aching, and her heart hurts.

She wants him.

Cloud settles behind her, and she feels the firm wall of him and all of the heat he brings with him.  It doesn’t help the way that she is throbbing, but it’s worsened when he presses the front of his body to the back of hers and wraps one arm around her.  The other falls above her head, caging her against him, and Tifa is flooded by a blend of feelings, of safety and comfort and desire that threads through it all.

“Goodnight, Tifa,” he whispers into her ear, his breath skirting over her skin.  She can’t avoid the impulse to sigh in response, and she leans back, wanting to feel all of him.

And all of him is hard.

His chest, his abs, his bicep that is curled around her, his hand splaying over the exposed flesh of her belly - all of it is like a block of iron.  But it’s the hardest part of him that has Tifa’s attention, the stiffness of his erection pressing into her bottom and setting her bones on fire.  She bites into her bottom lip, feeling dizzy as the implications hit her.  She can’t stop herself from rolling her hips a little, feeling it jerk against her.  Cloud lets out a groan, dark and low and deep in his throat.

He pulls the covers over them and holds her closer.  His lips are suddenly on the back of her neck, trailing their way up and down, adoring her with soft kisses.  Tifa melts, squirming against him as she feels her clit throb every time he christens her with another blissful press of affection. She rubs her thighs together, but its no relief.  She’s wearing too many layers, and the parts of him that she wants so badly are nowhere near the parts of her she needs him the most.

“Go to sleep, Tifa,” he scolds her gently when she grinds back into him again.  He’s hooked his fingers under her tank and bra, and they brush against the underside of one breast as he whispers over her shoulder.  The combination of his words and his touch is enough to turn her into putty, and she bites even deeper into her lip to keep a moan from escaping.  This is embarrassing enough as it is, and her cheeks are on fire as she realizes that he knows exactly how she is feeling at this moment.  Knowing how perceptive Cloud is, she wonders if he knows how deep her desire for him runs, leaving her to ruin another pair of panties as she lays with fire running through her veins.

The only consolation, Tifa thinks, is that she knows he wants her too, every muscle in her belly snapping taut when he idly passes his thumb over her nipple.

But that’s the end of it.  He lets his hand rest just below her breast, but he doesn’t continue to touch her anymore suggestively after that.  He just holds her tight, his body a firm fortress behind her as he spoons her, his knees bent against hers.  He leaves his final kiss against her hair.

Tifa lets out a slow sigh, hoping some of the heated need that he’s wrought out of her will disappear so she can sleep.  Cloud is breathing quietly, letting himself fall into a light doze.  Tifa glances out of the gap in the tent’s flaps again, her eyes hooking onto the swath of galaxies that burn above.

She doesn’t just have a deep-seated crush on Cloud that started in the throes of girlhood.  She doesn’t just find him mind-blowingly attractive, doesn’t just appreciate his pretty face and infectious aquamarine eyes and that lean, chiseled body.  She doesn’t just care about him and worry about the way that he has changed.

She is in love with him.

.

.

.

It’s days later when Tifa gets to sleep next to Cloud again.

This time, they are both flushed when they stop running together, bright lights and loud music a cacophony around them.  Tifa’s head is swimming, she’s had too many cocktails and her cheeks are bright.  She’s giggling, and the sound is so foreign to her, but then, so is the happiness she feels as she squeezes his hand tight.

They’re at the Gold Saucer, and they are on their date.  The date that Tifa had shyly tried to set up for them back in Sector Seven that never materialized because Shinra and all of its madness got in their way.  But they had a reprieve during their second visit to the Gold Saucer, and while every part of her was brimmed over with diffidence at the prospect, she was burning from the inside out with desire for Cloud.

So she gently brought it up again - shyly asking him if he wanted to spend the night finally celebrating their reunion the way that they had agreed just a few short weeks ago.  She hadn’t been prepared for the way that Cloud smiled and nodded eagerly, and without a moment’s hesitation, she was pulling him by the wrist and he was following her with his eyes trained on the back of her body.

They dance and they drink, and they hold hands as they make their way through the squares.  They’d both shed their gloves and armor before they went out, and Tifa is comforted by the firm warmth of his hand clasped around hers.  They play games at Wonder Square and Cloud is terrible at everything except motorcycling and snowboarding.  Tifa laughs when he fouls at basketball, and when it’s her turn, she wins a stuffed chocobo and gives it to him, his face as bright and red as a honeycrisp apple.

It’s late when they finally return to the hotel, and Tifa is so tipsy and full of unbridled joy that she isn’t even perturbed by the ghosts this time.  Cloud’s no longer holding her hand but holding her waist, keeping her close to him.  She likes the way it feels, subtle notes of possession beneath his gloveless fingertips that dig into the soft curve of flesh under her ribs.  People notice them as they walk by together, and Tifa catches their smiles.  They must think that they are a couple, and she wishes that they were.

She wonders.

Cloud walks her to her room.  She’s sharing with Aerith and Yuffie, and she hesitates by the door.  He lowers his hand from her waist and scratches the back of his head, and Tifa realizes that his cheeks are stained pink when he finally looks at her.

“I, uh, had fun tonight,” he manages, the highlights on his cheeks brightening and causing Tifa to flush in tandem.

“Me too,” she blurts, and suddenly, Tifa doesn’t want this night to end.  She doesn’t want to go in her room, doesn’t want to deal with Aerith and Yuffie’s line of questions, who both insisted they were going to stay up and wait for her so they could hear all about it.  She just wants to stay with him, to feel his lips again and to kiss him the way that they’d kissed a few nights ago outside of Nibelheim, the place where their pasts and futures had burned.

The Cosmo Canyons she’d sipped all night must be getting to her because she can’t stop herself from acting on impulse.  She rises up on her toes, clumsily reaching for his shoulders, and she kisses him.

Cloud is surprised - she hears it in the little gasp he makes - but after that, his hands are now both on her waist, holding her and keeping her from tumbling or falling over as she leans into him.  This time, their kiss starts as a soft press but quickly deteriorates into something messy and hot and swift as Tifa darts her tongue out.  Cloud doesn’t shy away from her advances, and he gaps his lips, letting her in.  Their tongues meet, and the instant the tip of his touches hers, Tifa feels the familiar, white-hot spark hit the most sensitive parts of her body - a sizzle and a zap across her tits and along the seam of her pussy.  She presses her body against his, aching for him.

They’re embroiled in a wet twist of passion like that for a moment longer, and finally needing air, Tifa breaks away.  Cloud’s eyes are hooded when he opens them again, and the swirl of colors in his irises is bright.  Tifa blinks, thinking she can see the stars there, like diamonds in the sky.

He glances at the door to her room, then back to her face.  Tifa knows what he is thinking, because she’s thinking the same.

She nods.

Cloud lowers his hands from her waist and takes her hand, and he turns away, leading her down the carpeted hall.  She ignores the spooky music that drawls from the overhead speakers and the flicker of candlelight from the torches burrowed into the walls.  Tifa ignores everything around her, except for the boy in front of her, the boy that she has loved for so, so long, who makes her body sing, who makes her feel alive, and who makes her forget how broken and damaged she is inside.

Cloud takes her to his room at the end of the hall.  He hates bunking with the other guys. Barret snores too loudly, Nanaki is always underfoot, Cid fills the air with smoke and Vincent just disappears anyway.  So he has his own room, and Tifa is suddenly more grateful for this than anything in recent memory.

He pulls her inside and locks the door behind them.  The room is small, but it’s furnished like all the others, blood-red carpets and dim candlelight, the bed outfitted in black iron that matches the grates on the windows.  The curtains are thrown open, inviting the multitude of colors that shine in from beyond, the Gold Saucer a place that never sleeps.

It makes her a little sad, because with all the light pollution here, she can’t see the stars.

Cloud seems to know what she’s thinking, because he closes the curtains, shadowing the room and keeping the kaleidoscope of rainbow colors at bay.  He turns to face her, and Tifa can see that his lips are still wet from their kiss.

“Tifa…”

His voice is so low, and it reawakens the ache that she felt stirred moments ago in the hallway.  He steps closer to her, and her head swims as she tries to remember how many drinks she actually had tonight.  She’s not sure if it’s the alcohol or the way that she’s so crazy about this boy that’s making her dizzy, but either way, she doesn’t complain or fight it when his hands come up to her face and he’s kissing her again.

This time, there’s a wildness in their connection.  That Cloud initiates this kiss colors the encounter differently, and his possession and dominance contribute to the sudden frenzy they find themselves in. Tifa moans into his mouth, relenting when his tongue finds hers, dancing against it, its firm point sliding against the softest part of hers.  She’s getting wet again, and her clit is throbbing and she’s pulsing from the inside out for him, finding herself desperate for relief from a tenseness that’s been building for weeks.

He knows, because he breaks their kiss and picks her up with his hands under her ass and drops her on the center of the bed.  She bounces lightly against the mattress, and already she misses the soft heat of his mouth.  But he’s crawling over her, his body a cage that shields her from the rest of the world, and all she can see is him, his beautiful porcelain face and ultramarine eyes and soft blond hair.

Her knees fall open.

Cloud isn’t one to rush, even though his breathing has quickened to the point that he’s nearly panting.  He pauses as he hovers, the tops of his cheeks pink, and Tifa blushes too as she realizes that his eyes are roving her.  He’s drinking her in, appreciating everything she has to offer as she lays so wantonly below him.  She feels unmasked by him, as if all her secrets and the sins of her desires have been laid bare.

“You’re beautiful,” he professes in a whisper.

It’s not the first time he’s told her this, but she’s blushing even harder nonetheless.  The last time he shared this sentiment with her, he’d been smirking and smug.  But this time, he’s sincere and soft, and the look in his eyes betrays something like reverence.

It melts her, only makes the electricity that’s sparking every nerve ending burn harder, because she realizes that he doesn’t only want her, but he needs her.

Maybe he even loves her.

Tifa doesn’t have time to ruminate on that too much, because Cloud is kissing her again.  It’s just as desperate as it had been moments ago, but he’s working even more purposefully now.  Every curl and twist of his tongue works with the aim to please, and his hand is on her breast, giving it a careful squeeze.

Somehow, Tifa is coming out of her clothes.  Her top and bra are discarded, both pulled over her head and tossed aside.  She tries to cover herself - she’s never let anyone see her naked before, and she doesn’t want him to see the nasty scar that Sephiroth left her with.  But Cloud kisses her again and whispers in her ear.

“Every part of you is beautiful,” he tells her, pulling her arms away and dashing away her insecurities with a kiss to her scar.

He thumbs a nipple while his lips reconnect with hers, and Tifa rolls her hips up towards his, feeling the stiff ridge of his erection trapped at the front of his pants.  The movement causes him to groan, and Cloud pinches her nipple, dropping his lips to her neck.  Tifa gasps and curves her head to one side, freeing up the expanse of her throat so that he can suck and kiss and nip at the column of it.  She arches her back, feeling her clit throb desperately while her panties grow damp. 

Cloud moves lower.  The tips of his fingers draw circles over both nipples, and his mouth is now at her clavicle.  His touch is so listless and soft that it drives Tifa wild, her body writhing in time with every strum of his rough hands against her sensitive peaks.  She’s leaking and she wants to feel more, an ache below that she’s familiar with and has only ever tried to satisfy with her own hesitant touch.

But now she has him, the boy who has always inspired these feelings in her, and she needs him to satisfy it. Badly.

He must know because he’s moving further south.  His mouth finds her nipples, sucking each one into firm peaks until she’s forced to moan, unable to stop the way fire screams along her limbs from the sensation.  Tifa never paid much attention to her breasts before, but being with Cloud these last few weeks made her painfully aware of the way he could make them ache, and his kisses and sucks and nips have her pussy so wet and the pleasure so bright inside her tummy that she wants to cry.

Cloud’s hands find her waist, working at the buckles of her skirt.  He’s a little bit clumsy and uncoordinated, but he isn’t discouraged by this fact.  In fact, he only grows more demanding any time he meets the resistance of leather or fabric, and by the time he gets to her panties, he’s tearing them.

Tifa shivers when she is fully naked and exposed under him.  He hooks his fingers into her stockings, toying with the fabric as he lowers himself between her thighs.  He glances up at her, his eyes glowing bright with the viridian blaze of mako, and she feels her cheeks burn when their gazes connect.  He smirks and she bites her lips, and then he drops his lines of sight to her spread core.

Tifa isn’t sure how to react.  She’s never been like this with anyone before, in fact, she can count the number of times she’s indulged her own impulses on one hand, every time connected with thoughts about him.  But she’s let it get to this point - naked and trembling under him - and she realizes that there is no turning back and despite her fear, she wants this, no, she needs it, so, so badly.

“Beautiful,” he praises her for the third time that night.

Tifa can’t handle it.  She blushes so brightly that she has to cover her face with her hands, unable to stare down at him and his smirk any longer.  Cloud just kisses her hip bone in response, though, and the next thing she knows, he’s touching her.

He starts by petting her folds, his touch gentle and careful as if he’s afraid to hurt her.  The tentative awkwardness of his movements tells Tifa that he’s just as inexperienced as she is, and though she finds this difficult to believe, she has to admit that she is comforted by it.  She wants to be his one and only, because she already knows he’s the only one she’ll ever have.

Cloud grows a little more curious, experimenting with the touch of his fingers on her.  Tifa closes her eyes and waits, hoping desperately that he’ll find her aching button, and soon.  He dips a little inside of her, just enough to drag out a thick stream of her wetness so he can roll it up and over her slit.  

Just a little higher, she screams in her mind.

Cloud kisses the inside of her thigh, and Tifa can’t help the heavy sigh that falls from her lips.  Everything about Cloud is so soft, even his kisses so close to an intimate part of her are handled with a gentleness that makes her dissolve.  But when his finger raises and finally finds her clit, she rewards him with a bright moan.

“Cloud,” she calls, lifting her head from the pillow, her nub filled with blood and engorged by now.  “Right there, please…”

Tifa’s voice breaks off into a whine, and her body is as tight as a bowstring as she waits.  Cloud offers her a hint of a smile, holding her eyes as two firm fingers stroke the side of her clit.  He draws circles over it, and Tifa tosses her head back again, closing her eyes and letting out a dark, needy whimper.

Cloud takes great joy in playing with her clit, Tifa realizes, and the more sounds she makes, the bolder he gets.  He wets the pads of his fingers inside of her, Tifa arching her back as he presages a taste of the fullness another part of him can provide her. He runs his fingers in a downward line over her sore, aching spot.  He swipes his fingers across it in back and forth movements, and Tifa tosses her head from side to side, feeling a puddle of lava surge deep in her belly.  He rubs the tip of her clit where it peeks out at him from beneath its hood, and Tifa is whining again, chewing her lip in an attempt to keep from crying out too loudly. 

Cloud stops, staring up at her, and Tifa feels her core clench and her clit pulse in anticipation.  She opens her eyes again and stares down at him through her lashes, her chest rising and falling with every quick, heavy breath that she takes.  Cloud’s eyes meet hers with a sparkle, and he kisses her inner thigh just once before he leans in and presses his lips to her clit.

Tifa rolls her hips and lets out another loud moan, and Cloud shushes her, his breath and the vibrations of his voice attacking her hot, swollen nub.  It makes everything worse, and Tifa raises her arm to her face, biting into the flesh above her wrist to stifle her noise.  Cloud is only encouraged by her responsive display, because he holds her thighs down and open with both hands before his tongue goes to work on her clit.

It’s impossible for Tifa to silence her sounds.  Even muffled by her arm, her keens and whimpers escape, his name floating from her lips in huffed intervals.  Cloud is lapping at her clit, massaging it up and down with the flat of his tongue, flicking it back and forth with the firm tip of it.  The coil in her belly tightens, and Tifa plunges into the feeling, letting the release she’s wanted to share with him for weeks now build in every muscle.  She strains to reach for it as she feels the wires of electricity expand inside of her nerves, tears pooling the corners of her eyes as it draws close.  Her whines of his name become unintelligible, and Cloud notices, because he looks up at her and smirks before he begins to suck on her clit.

That is all it takes.  The crescendo quickly builds, and Tifa feels herself on the edge of the cliff, ready to fall.  The sensation of his lips wrapped so tightly around that tiny, sensitive part of her, working so feverishly to please her, only helps the euphoria peak that much more quickly.  She’s wanted this so bad for so long that now that she has it, her mind has whited out with disbelief that blends with the pleasure he spoils her with.  Cloud hums against her, and Tifa breaks, crying his name in a burst as her fingers surge into his hair and she holds him there while she rides every wave.

At some point, it ends.  Tifa is spent, her breathing ragged and thin.  Cloud pulls his lips away from her skin with a small pop, and it leaves her trembling.  He crawls up beside her, taking her into his arms as he kisses her forehead and she tries to remember who and where she is.

“You okay?” he asks her, and she realizes these are her two favorite words in the world.

“Mhm,” is all she musters.  She leans closer to him, and when their bodies collide, she realizes he is still as hard as a rock against her hip.  It brings her back to reality a little bit, and she looks up at him, finding his eyes still wild with desire even though he hasn’t made another move yet.

It’s her turn to smirk.  Tifa offers him the most playful look she can garner, her inhibitions blunted by the remnants of alcohol in her blood and the afterglow of her orgasm that has her still trembling.  She leans in to kiss him, his lips slick and tasting like her.  She crawls over him, forcing him to lie back, her hands dropping to drag his sweater out of his pants so she can pull it over his head.  Cloud moves in tandem with her, letting her take control.

Tifa tosses the sweater aside and doesn’t shy away from admiring Cloud’s sculpted torso.  Plenty of times she’d been pressed close enough to him to feel every smooth line of muscle here, and she’d be lying if she said she never observed the way his pectorals were defined against the tight fabric of his sweater.  But this is her first time seeing the carved perfection of his body- sinew and muscle smooth and almost architectural in its design, beautiful pale skin puckered with scars that make her own pale in comparison.  She can’t resist the urge to touch, her fingers following the story that his body tells, tracing the slash above his heart.

Cloud’s breathing has grown heavy by now, and Tifa knows that he is eager for her to please him the way he pleased her.  And she intends to, in fact, just the thought of it has her growing warm and wet again despite how sated she is.  She wants to please this man so badly, wants to show him just how much she wants and needs him, how he is everything to her, and how she will do anything to make sure he knows it.

She goes to unbuckle his pants, pulling down his zipper.  Her nerves kick in then, and Cloud senses her hesitation.  His hand comes up to the side of her face, stroking her cheek gently, his fingers catching into the threads of her hair. It calms her, and Tifa exhales, reaching into his boxers and finding his cock.

She blushes as soon as she pulls it out, finding it long and thick and leaking at the tip.  It’s strained from lack of stimulation, its head bright red.  Cloud groans as soon as she touches him, closing his eyes.

Tifa’s never seen anything like this before, has never come close to doing anything like this.  But Cloud’s reactions are enough of a guide for her, and she strokes him with one hand, her heart beating faster and faster the more he moans and lifts his hips from the bed.

It thrills her to know that she is the one to reduce him to a writhing, whining puddle like this.

Wanting to repay his affection, she leans over and takes the head of his cock into her mouth.  She licks away the salty liquid, sliding her tongue between his split.  Cloud moans, and his fingers tighten in her hair.  She lowers her mouth and starts to suck, unsure of what she’s doing but making her best attempt anyway.

Moments pass with Cloud moaning and grunting, and suddenly, he’s pulling her back by her hair and angling his hips away from her.  Confused at first, Tifa leans up and wrinkles her nose, wondering what she’s done wrong.  But then she watches as Cloud empties on the mattress, a thick stream spurting out of him as he quietly moans her name.  Tifa blushes, but she feels like a queen inside.  

Some time passes while he collects himself, and once his breathing has calmed, Cloud reaches for the tissues on the bedside table to clean up his mess.  He rights his pants, then immediately slides closer to Tifa, pulling her close to him.  She’s still naked except for her thigh-highs, and when her breasts press against the warmth of his chest, all she can do is coo and sigh contently.

“You’re amazing, Tifa,” he whispers into her hair as he pulls the sheets around them.

Tifa laughs happily in response.  There are so many things she wants to say, but she’s afraid of every word.  The feelings he’s unearthed in her run deeper than anything she could have imagined before he returned to her in Midgar.  There was no separating herself from Cloud, and she loves him more purely and desperately than she ever thought possible.

She closes her eyes, inhaling his scent, her brain flooded with endorphins.  Now isn’t the time, she thinks.  She’ll tell him soon.

It’s the last time she sleeps with him.

.

.

.

The next time Tifa sleeps with Cloud, she’s weeping.

She’s weeping because he doesn’t respond to her.  He doesn’t look at her, and when his eyes are open, they are dead, the bright lights behind that crash of blue and green extinguished.  He doesn’t smile or smirk, doesn’t quip at her or roll his head to one side or call her name with that gentle softness that sends loose butterflies in her tummy.  He doesn’t cross his arms over his chest or tap his foot in frustration.  And he doesn’t hold her or kiss or touch her, the way that she had come to rely on and crave.

Things had gone downhill after they ventured to the Temple of the Ancients, and the lingering instability that Tifa had detected in Cloud weeks ago careened out of control.  It was followed by a succession of destruction and tragedy, and soon, they lost him.

She’s found him again - in the village of Mideel, locked in a sanitarium. While their friends worry about the world, Tifa makes the decision to worry about him.

He’s the only thing that matters.

She curls up at his side on his gurney, feeling his body tremble beside her.  She’s reminded of the way she laid beside him that first night in the slums, after she found him at the train station, his brain as mako-adled as it is now.  That night, she’d laid him atop her bed, watching his brow crease as he shook with confusion, and she’d laid beside him, praying he would wake out of it.

Now, she lays beside him, thinking about all of the nights that they spent together - the nights they never spoke of once the sun had come up and the stars faded away.  Over the course of that time, Tifa’s feelings bloomed and burst, until she was hopelessly in love with him and wished that she knew how deeply he returned her feelings.  But they both stayed silent, sharing their feelings with touch and never with words.

It had been a mistake, she realizes.

Tifa wraps her arms around Cloud, holding him tight in her arms.  He moans something nonsensical, and tears run in hot trails down her cheeks. Yet she clutches him even harder, refusing to ever let him go, even if he never speaks to her again.

He’s all that matters, and she holds on to the memories of the intimate moments that they’ve shared, all the times they slept at each other’s sides and held one another tight, when their lips were sealed together and their mutual touch brought fire out of their skin.

She wishes they had talked about it.

(Ao3 Link Below)

Comments welcome!

[backwaterheroics]

𝘒𝘕𝘖𝘞𝘐𝘕𝘎 𝘠𝘖𝘜𝘙 𝘗𝘈𝘙𝘛𝘕𝘌𝘙 𝘞𝘌𝘓𝘓 𝘊𝘈𝘕 𝘗𝘖𝘛𝘌𝘕𝘛𝘐𝘈𝘓𝘓𝘠 𝘔𝘈𝘒𝘌 𝘞𝘙𝘐𝘛𝘐𝘕𝘎 𝘛𝘖𝘎𝘌𝘛𝘏𝘌𝘙 𝘈 𝘓𝘖𝘛 𝘌𝘈𝘚𝘐𝘌𝘙!

repost, don't reblog!

NAME : rowen

PRONOUNS : she/her/my liege; we is also common i.e. 'we here at strife industries' etc but it's really just for self-reference

PREFERENCE OF COMMUNICATION : carrier pigeon maybe? i'm really bad at all kinds of communication tbqh. we can get some walkietalkies tho & i promise i haven't ever forgotten about u /phil collins voice, u'll be in my heart

chatting on tumblr ims is fine & i do have a discord ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ u can even have my whatsapp if u want, but standard messaging & data rates may apply. talk to ur doctor if rowenix is right for u

NAME OF MUSE(s) : this here is my boy kuraudo sutoraifu-waifu but i've written a few other characters here and there; cloud is the only rp blog i have any semblance of presence on atm tho - he is my forevergirl, my homeslice, my big chalupa. for ffvii specifically, i've also written rp for elena and rufus

BEST EXPERIENCE : you! i've met all my best friends through rp which is probably why i'm still even around in the rps

RP PET PEEVES / DEALBREAKERS : i don't like it when ppl say they do not like the chara i am literally writing at that moment. so like, if you don't like cloud, why are you here..... we don't have any money... we've got nothin for ya.... pls smash that unfollow button and do not hit the notification bell....,other than that tho, i don't really care. it's the internet. i've seen 4chan

MUSE PREFERENCES : paris hilton voice; i'll take five more of these little blonde bitches; fr tho i like charas who have issues with the self/who have a man vs self literary conflict kinda thing going on. i also like side-chars who don't have a lot of lore coz then i don't have to start from scratch like with an oc, but i still have freedom in the preassembled sandbox u kno?? i don't have time for a rowenverse

PLOTS OR MEMES : spontaneous stuff is easier for me; plotted stuff can get too detailed and then i freak myself out about it bc of anxiety about quality & expectations. that aside, i'll do either. if we go plotted i'd rather go 'lightly plotted' as in we talk about an idea and then just run with it, with minor course corrections as we go should the plane not take off as expected

LONG OR SHORT REPLIES : i personally tend to match length but sometimes the words just gotta come out and your one to three liner will have a 500 word reply. i have no preference from what i receive to what i give. it just is what it is and i'm grateful ur even taking the time to spend it with me

BEST TIME TO WRITE : when something else more important needs to get done. we love executive dysfunction. like right now, i should be finishing up a work project for tomorrow's meeting and yet....

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S) : our sense of humor is the same, or at least similar... cloud's social awareness is probably better than mine. neither of us talk a lot. is that good enough????

TAGGED BY: vctlan & then everyone i'm following who is still active has already done this i'm pretty sure... so if you haven't been tagged before and u see this, then i'm tagging u ok -- tell me abt u and be my friend

[sparrowandbee]

Introduction | Chapter 1, Part 2

Synopsis: 68 ADD marks the last year that Marian Cartwright is eligible for reaping into The Hunger Games. Will the odds be in her favor? Or will she be made to pay for her luck in the previous six years?

Author’s Note: I decided to split this first chapter up into to sections since I personally prefer to read shorter chapters. Let me know what you’d prefer to read!

Word Count: 1543

The sun was beating down on my face as we stood shoulder to shoulder, the smell of coal always lingering on my loose curly hair and ever blackened hands. Despite only a few clouds obstructing the clear blue sky, even the sunshine couldn’t change the dirty grey landscape of District 12.

It was my seventh reaping and the lingering dread no longer shocked me as it did in the years before. My name was written in 21 times that year- the slips of paper mingling with each other in the glass orb just a few feet from me- but I’d been around long enough to know that it didn’t matter how many names anyone had in there; the Capitol’s cruelty knew no fairness.

I had seen kids as young as 12 and as old as 17 be chosen and met with the same fate. Whether they stepped up in tears or in confidence, they all ended up as a nationally televised corpse.

I looked around at the girls standing with me and recognized a few of them from earlier reapings. There were two who wore a new dress every year, their black hair always in pretty updos. Their father was a mine supervisor, so they clearly had Capitol money. They would giggle and whisper to each other and I’d always caught different boy’s names being tossed around.

To my left were a few girls I’d seen around the mines before. They had always been a quiet trio but held on to each other for the entirety of the event, their knuckles getting bone-white as they squeezed their thin, pale hands.

We each inhabited different worlds within the same small district, but we were united by each July 4th, seeing each other’s familiar faces grow longer and more adult, beating the odds by returning every year, despite the Capitol’s desire to exterminate us. Our own tiny resistance.

The reaping was so quiet when we were 12.

I remember no one dared even whisper. But at 18, everyone acted as though this was just another bureaucratic inconvenience. As a lot of us had started to face real struggles in the latter years of our childhood, the Games just got more distant… more arbitrary. We had real things to worry about now.

I scanned my surroundings out of both habit and boredom. Frankly, most girls looked the same- mousy hair and sunken faces. From the far end of the field I spotted the braided blonde hair of Evaline Wergeld, daughter of a butcher I’d been avoiding since he caught me taking some of his bits at the Hobb. My head snapped back to avoid making eye contact, just as my belly let out a loud rumble.

No one turned around, of course.

Hunger was as much part of District 12’s soundscape as the song of the mockingjays overhead or the rustling of the trees against the breeze. It wasn’t anything to be noticed, particularly not from the scrawny orphan girl.

I was too busy worrying about whether I’d be able to scrap enough coins to eat something at night rather than entertain the thought of being picked out of hundreds of girls- especially since it was my last year being eligible.

I had survived 18 years of strife and self-sufficiency, needing nothing and being noticed by no one. This too would come and pass, like everything else before it, I thought as I stood in the barren yard amidst the other grim girls of District 12.

The mayor began the process with a tedious speech no one paid attention to. Instead I tried to get the coal dust out from under my short, bare fingernails.

“Welcome all and happy Hunger Games!,” the overexcited Capitol representative with voluptuous, undulating red hair exclaimed into the microphone, causing uncomfortable feedback. I don’t remember her name. We got a new presenter nearly every year- no one wanted to be stuck in 12.

I shifted, my newly stolen shoes still uncomfortable. It was strange to be this close to the stage, just three rows away from the pomp which always seemed so distant from the barren landscape. “And as always, may the odds be ever in your favour!” Her Capitol inflexion grated my ears as the wind caught one of the many ruffles on her flowy white dress.

As they did every year, a propaganda video was broadcast on the large screens on either side of the field.

As we did every year, everybody ignored it, preferring to fiddle with braids or straighten a washed-out floral dress.

I looked down and traced the outline of the delicate butterflies on my once-purple threadbare shift dress. It was the only dress I owned, and despite its tattered state, it was the most beautiful thing.

“What a wonderful message from our President Snow!” I looked up to see the announcer smiling widely, showing her blindingly white teeth through her purple lipstick.

“Now we will select one brave young man and woman who will have the honour of representing District 12 in the 68th Hunger Games!” She paused, clearly expecting applause. I sighed, not caring enough to roll my eyes. Rent was due in two days and I couldn’t be evicted again. I may be able to steal some food from the bakery so I can make it in time; everyone seemed to get distracted during the Games.

“Okay, ladies first!” Everything from her mouth was an abundant exclamation, and her words still echoed as her white heels ‘clicked’ and she reached her hand into the large glass bowl. The world went still; I’ve never experienced silence like the reaping, as if everybody’s heartbeats were suspended in unison.

Worry flickered through me then. As much as I tried to reassure myself, the threat was so present, looming over the heads of every child on the field. My stomach hurt not out of hunger but anxious nausea. No one was ever safe.

“And our lucky tribute is…” She stepped back in front of the polished silver microphone, her glittery green and purple eye makeup glistening against the artificial lights as she looked down to read the slip of paper, “Marian Cartwright!”

My name echoed through the yard. My heart dropped as my veins ran with ice, despite the sweat dripping on my brow. The girls standing next to me looked around, not recognizing the name of a seemingly invisible girl.

Seven years and for the last time of course I was made to pay for my survival- a cruel karmic trick for the girl who has nothing to live for.

Fitting. Poetic, even.

The girls around me retreated, probably realizing that I was the only one none of them identified. Slowly, they all held onto each other and moved back, creating a bubble around me, as if they would catch my bad luck if they stood too close.

In my 10 years of solitude, I’ve never felt more isolated, more judged or pitied- or perceived.

I looked up to the screens and found my face already projected on the stage. The announcer never let her smile slip and I cautiously walked towards her, flanked by two peacekeepers. My blood rushed at an inhuman speed, fueled by my anxiety and fear, feeling like I was moving against my will.

The stage lights were brighter up close than they looked from the floor. The announcer gestured her green gloved hand for me to step towards her. I couldn’t stop looking at the texture left by her thick, pale makeup. I could make out every wrinkle and crack on the surface which looked so flawless from far away.

I looked down at the worn brown leather Mary Janes I stole from my last landlady just a month ago. They were too small for me. I didn’t want to see anyone in the crowd, not because I particularly cared about them but because I couldn’t stand their pitiful looks.

Pity from people who never bothered to help.

“Alder Oakley!” I looked up to see the male tribute making his way to the stage, fear so clearly coloured his face. I tried to keep my gaze withdrawn until he stood next to me, to retain some dignity on his walk of shame.

He smelled fresh and clean when he stood next to me. He could probably afford those oils sold on the road by the seamstress. His button-up shirt was off-white and neatly pressed, the seams were all intact, a tell of light wear.

So he had some money to spare, but really, he looked like every other District 12 boy. A bit of musculature from a childhood preparing to work in the mines and a clean-shaven face. There was a bit of dirt on his hair, he was probably cutting wood for fire that morning.

He took my hand in his as the announcer exclaimed our names: “Marian Cartwright and Alder Oakley, your District 12 tributes!” but I kept my eyes down, with no intention of playing along.

With that, my fate was sealed with only the certainty of my imminent death.

—

Next Chapter

Masterlist

[ff7central]

The Never-Ending Road Trip

(6952 words)

by BrownieFox

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Final Fantasy VII Remake (Video Game 2020), Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII (Video Game 1997)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Major Character Death

Relationships: Zack Fair & Cloud Strife Characters: Zack Fair, Cloud Strife, Tifa Lockhart, Barret Wallace Additional Tags: Time Travel, Time Loop, Temporary Character Death, Zack doesn't stay dead don't worry, Kinda QPR Zack & Cloud, Zack and the very long nine months, On Repeat, mako poisoning, Not Crisis Core Compliant

Summary: Zack dies after getting Cloud to Midgar. But he doesn't stay dead. or Zack is caught in a time loop after freeing both himself and Cloud. Over and over again, Zack talks to Cloud, keeps his friend safe, dies, and hopes for a day when Cloud might even speak.

Recommended by Browniefox who says "Haha this one’s just mine. I don’t think it’s crisis core compliant. Just Zack, trying to get to Midgar with Cloud, while being stuck in a time loop."

Mod note: You are always welcome to recommend your own works!

[iamposhparis]

Shadows of Forever: A Love's Soliloquy

- Paris Ebalobo (05082023)

In the realm of shadows, my love, we reside,

Amidst a world untamed, our souls confide.

Embrace my words, like a soft caress,

For I shall paint a portrait of eternal tenderness.

In this tumultuous realm, uncertainties unfold,

But fear not, my darling, our bond shall hold.

For you, my dearest, shall never stand alone,

By your side, forevermore, my heart has flown.

Though the world may wage its fierce strife,

Our love transcends, beyond mortal life.

Through the chasms of distance, we'll transcend,

Connected by a love that time cannot suspend.

In fleeting moments, our words may fade,

Yet the depths of my love, no silence can invade.

In stillness, I'm with you, my thoughts ignite,

For our souls converse in the language of twilight.

Admittedly, my heart yearns for more,

To be with you daily, like waves upon the shore.

But know, my beloved, this longing pales,

For your presence in my life forever prevails.

When doubt clouds your spirit, and darkness looms,

Remember, my love, amid life's fickle rooms,

You are cherished beyond measure, my dear,

An anchor of solace in this realm of fear.

Hold tight to my promise, a beacon profound,

Through the tempests of life, our love shall resound.

In every whisper of the wind, every vow we make,

You'll always have me, an unwavering embrace.

So fear not, my love, as we navigate the night,

In our hearts, an eternal flame shall ignite.

For through highs and lows, united we shall be,

Bound by a love that defies mortality.

In the echoes of our souls, let my vow ring true,

You'll always have me, forever and anew.

With unwavering devotion, our spirits shall align,

In this eternal dance, your love forever mine.

[theprayerfulword]

September 09

Romans 8:28 We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to His purpose.

Job 12:22 He reveals the deep things of darkness and brings deep shadows into the light

Psalm 139:23-24 Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. 24 Point out anything in me that offends You, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

Proverbs 7:2 Keep My commands and you will live; guard My teachings as the apple of your eye.

Proverbs 31:9 Open your mouth, judge righteously, and administer justice for the poor and needy.

Galatians 5:16 I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh.

May you hear the word of the Lord telling you that it will be well with you, as it is with all the righteous, for you will enjoy the fruit of your deeds. Isaiah 3

May you only see with your eyes the reward of the wicked, the ones whose words and deeds are against the Lord, defying His glorious presence, parading their sin like Sodom and not hiding it, for they will be paid back for what their hands have done. Isaiah 3

May you rejoice in the beauty and the glory of the Branch of the Lord and the fruit of the earth which will be the pride and pleasure of the survivors who remain in Jerusalem and are called holy. Isaiah 4

May you seek the shelter of the canopy of the glory of the Lord, a cloud for shade by day and glowing fire for warmth by night, giving a refuge and hiding place from the storm and rain for all who will accept the cleansing from bloodstains by a spirit of judgment and a spirit of fire. Isaiah 4

May you have a high regard for the deeds of the Lord, and a great respect for the work of His hands in your life, lest you go into exile for lack of understanding His desire to draw you by His grace and accept you by His love. Isaiah 5

My child, draw near to Me and walk close to Me in familiar fellowship, satisfied in My love and comforted as the object of My thoughts. The supply of the world will be cut off, and the support of its people will be removed. I am the only source there will be, and My people, who have learned to know My voice and be led by My Spirit, are the only ones who will know how to find Me. I am the Lord who teaches you that which is profitable to learn and will prove beneficial to your lives, removing the consequences of past failures. I lead you in the proper pathway through life, showing you the right thing to do. Those who do My works for the praise of men are not of My own, for they have never humbled themselves, turning from their pride to seek after My heart. They still walk in their own ways, unrepentant, seeking that which is of the world and not that which is of the Father, and they will perish with the world unless they turn from their wicked ways to seek Me in sorrow and humility. Though the supply of food and medicine grows short, and the supply of goods becomes scarce for all who are in the world, My people shall not want, for I am your Shepherd. Though the support of civic officials decay, and justice can scarcely be found, though mature decisions from leaders are uncommon and wise counsel is rarely heard in public forums, My people shall walk in peace and certainty, for I am leading you in right paths beside still waters, and I am your strong defense. Do not set your affections on the things of this world, neither its nations or its institutions, its monuments or its memorials, for all these things shall pass away and be forgotten. Acknowledge them for what they are, and honor the courage and dedication they may represent, but do not make idols of them or give them the worship that is Mine. Have pity on, and show compassion for, all who realize there is more and are still searching, for these are My lost sheep, but do not strive with those who desire only to debate, those who are not seeking truth but only enjoy strife. My Spirit is still working with them, and I will bring you back to them when they are ready, lest they trample underfoot the pearls I give you. Stand on My Word, My precious one, and remain steadfast, enduring in the face of affliction, sheltered in the cleft of your Rock. Though your foot slips, My loving-kindness will uphold you, for I am your advocate and the Father is accepting of My intercession for you. I will strengthen you in order for you to strengthen your brothers. I am holding your hand, My lovely one, and though you stumble six times I will deliver you; even seven times, and evil will not touch you, for you will rise again and not know calamity. I am able to save forever each one who draws near to God through Me.

May you be humbly willing to be fed and nurtured by the Lord as a shepherd grazes his sheep in their pasture and his lambs among the ruins of the rich, for the Lord Almighty will be exalted by His justice, and the Holy God will show Himself holy by His righteousness. Isaiah 5

May you wait patiently for God to complete His work and fulfill the plan of the Holy One as the time approaches, giving mercy to those in the valley of decision, knowing woe is coming for those who call evil “good” and sorrow is laid up for all who put darkness for light, heartache will be waiting for those who are wise in their own eyes, drawing sin along with cords of deceit and wickedness as with cart ropes. Isaiah 5

May you be plain in speech and transparent in behavior toward others, not lifted by pride or turned by arrogance lest the gospel of Christ be disgraced, demonstrating God's compassion towards the poor and needy while withstanding the servants of God's adversary, whose end will be what their actions deserve. 2 Corinthians 11

May you rejoice and be glad when God restores the fortunes of His people and brings salvation for Israel out of Zion! Psalm 53

May you seek God and desire understanding, unlike the fool who says in his heart that there is no God. Psalm 53

[myristicisms]

Tawny fingers delicately ghost over familiar shoulders, the tips just barely brushing against pallid flesh playfully as a smirk quirks the corners of plush lips, mako eyes holding an intense warmth to them while fixating on doe features. Cloud was so pretty, he's always been pretty but to the raven haired warrior, Strife was prettiest in his arms. The way his hands could make that small waist look tiny, how lips pursed whenever canines would bury into alabaster skin and leave marks, all part of Cloud's beauty that drove Zack up the wall. There's a hideous creature that lays deep within his belly that purrs at each instance of leaving his claim upon the blonde, each kiss shared and words of endearment exchanged that somehow always resulted in the little creature uttering a pleased mine whenever he got to express just who managed to win over the younger man's heart.

There's also a relentless softness too, the desire to protect and sustain left over from spending so much of his time caring for the man and even more time yearning for him. Seeing how strong Cloud has grown only pushed that warmth and longing to intensify, adoration morphing into fondness and then eventually love and while the former SOLDIER was all the more interested in keeping that to himself, nothing ever quite goes the way he wants it to. It's amusing in a sort and only spurs him into growing more bold in his touches, the delicate ghost of his touch turning into a firm hold as his fingers trail down to that beloved waist, his chest pressed to the blonde's back as plush lips ghost over the shell of the man's ear, and with a smug grin atop his features, he makes sure his presence is announced in a low purr. “ Hey there hot stuff, you come here often? ”

@arcanecast | Cloud Strife;;

15. for a flirtatious starter .

[libidomechanica]

“Mated snowshoe, too, our harme”

Line ber in prosers, and myre, and on þe gods of     her behind a light room, he is a place, when as a cloud wylde what worse of the bloody     trace rank þurȝ þe schal to land redeeming mine. We’ll can said overhear. And so that presed     heterly fayth, which better me the circled so harbour fair, and so we for gode     cheat his eye, and frog eyes shall heath! In

there shall his but malice: if hit to me with fayr     ofte; he dross, so death the glittering at their murmur, seeing a lyȝt; ofte renk seȝe Sir     Gawen altogether rennes the larged trentagenet. Mated snowshoe, too, our     harme were on hor wylle þe hyde, and ofte so I wadna gie a bud of Vivian-     place—we’ll good com rich, thy golde haf tranquil,

yet watz þe trade, ’ like a stubbe auþer, now Io     Pæn sing; but the lake, effected, and fell, till envier? Seem proue her fate, when I rifles.     So that then, naked neither little array’d and silence chasm of mounting him, taking     your voice! The words countryman; took to enclose, but rathereas fro þe knyȝt ride in     yowre wytte, and to salute the riche rydyng,

we least I take whase o’er, that Divine can well     the found college loute abelef hit at a lawe; to quen þenne, and gather nor accessant     jeunes and fills all heaven. And fayth, þer back in love together tale most. Of here,     at a girl should curses so gode knyȝt and children near that bosom of some in my blunder’d—     all of thee lives artful, charms, a

living kings! What I shall be wonder by mistress?     Whose lorde brain truth and sumquyle, I wolde þerafter a street off to praunch of a night     see in his hede, þat is the stands from out the me holy sight grossly afloat wilt this     pass’d with to wish, bot her lips? The way the coft me þink he noble. Her melodies,     purgatorians, Lady be calde lerne ay

in sweet name a child of quest þe knyȝt brough not perched     his own strength of and God, ’ quoþ þe could not where þe dor afterimage should be a Jew.     Cast vnder faster greed thus your hounden a price honey and the End shall he purposing     in lapse gains, he forth dies the brow, enter’s as somethinks and their own least and pour thy     lights are ye as hath square the aquarian

gain: womanhood! And how she saw the poor Tom     walls thou ne wyth a clouds and open? Borne of life is ample, yet to þyse of his springs     shown, but fight of chere world warmed her the worm shamrock so ȝe taken by miracle.     Contradictions’ by Johnson: Echo answer ere the died: with holds the page—nor shepheard     steps or warriors by the stol’n frontinence

of these armes þat he stel Arthure with such good     Angela the chapel, quyle for woþe þe wyȝe, weldez, and all, and from stryf hent, who,     being had learn’d. And eclipse ende of West, march-movement: for it’s prevail ware oblivion     passion length win gracious as you knowez alse of hope and lanted, nor t’ other     thou have the affect and became token

he college and there lying on disguise for     to the holds these daynté, how pearl the Instruction, which made himself constant cause think good and     of all all as the mine! I shout, oh! And his body: save fancies do rise, and the blood     franches, prescience to my traced to bryng hym wonez about, the wind. Of honde þy knokke     synne. The millions to his casement

face. With itself lykez, Ferde for as the invent     a slant solve it; but semed. In the pine. Flung to soper þay wyth gone. At strife is golde.     I wadna gie Cuckold too long I striking all time; and cast of all things to me? And     fare þanne Alle of the reeking now a field-flowers I none lived in lee of Truth should     tail—a take ich a happed to see.

[lennart11412]

[Chapter 41]

1 And after that I saw all the secrets of the heavens, and how the kingdom is divided, and how the 2 actions of men are weighed in the balance. And there I saw the mansions of the elect and the mansions of the holy, and mine eyes saw there all the sinners being driven from thence which deny the name of the Lord of Spirits, and being dragged off: and they could not abide because of the punishment which proceeds from the Lord of Spirits. 3 And there mine eyes saw the secrets of the lightning and of the thunder, and the secrets of the winds, how they are divided to blow over the earth, and the secrets of the clouds and dew, and there 4 I saw from whence they proceed in that place and from whence they saturate the dusty earth. And there I saw closed chambers out of which the winds are divided, the chamber of the hail and winds, the chamber of the mist, and of the clouds, and the cloud thereof hovers over the earth from the 5 beginning of the world. And I saw the chambers of the sun and moon, whence they proceed and whither they come again, and their glorious return, and how one is superior to the other, and their stately orbit, and how they do not leave their orbit, and they add nothing to their orbit and they take nothing from it, and they keep faith with each other, in accordance with the oath by which they 6 are bound together. And first the sun goes forth and traverses his path according to the commandment 7 of the Lord of Spirits, and mighty is His name for ever and ever. And after that I saw the hidden and the visible path of the moon, and she accomplishes the course of her path in that place by day and by night-the one holding a position opposite to the other before the Lord of Spirits.

hymn

1 Then I saw a new heaven and earth, for the first had passed away; and the holy city came down from God like a bride on her wedding day. And I know how he loves his own, for I heard his great voice tell they would be his people, and he their God, and among them he came to dwell.

2 He will wipe away every tear, even death shall die at last. There'll be no more crying or grief or pain - they belong to the world that's past. And the One on the throne said, "Look, I am making all things new." He is A and Z, he is first and last, and his words are exact and true.

3 So the thirsty can drink their fill at the fountain giving life. But the gates are shut on all evil things, on deceit and decay and strife. With foundations and walls and towers like a jewel the city shines, with its streets of gold and its gates of pearl, in a glory where each combines.

4 As they measured its length and breadth I could see no temple there, for its only temple is God the Lord and the Lamb in that city fair. And it needs neither sun nor moon in a place which knows no night, for the city's lamp is the Lamb himself, and the glory of God its light.

5 And I saw by the sacred throne flowing water, crystal clear, and the tree of life with its healing leaves and its fruit growing all the year. So the worshipers of the Lamb bear his name and see his face, and they reign and serve and forever live to the praise of his glorious grace.

[skydinzeal]

✨The water Rune & its Norse Yogic stance& chant! (Stadhagaldr)✨I have written advanced courses on the Runes, I used to share here but have felt most of my readers may not be interested to go this far. I want to include this one, however. Please excuse my Cloud Strife look.😉 🔥⚡👽🌟🦋👑🌷 I want to remind you of the MAGIC you came from! The entire world is living without purpose. I still teach Astral travel, psychic tech, how to speak to Divine Spirits, truth of the Annunaki civilizations + more (DM for info)! 🔭🌠💜👽✨🔭🌠💜👽✨ 95% of my Belongings/Art are Gone again!🙁 Some stolen, some thrown in a landfill by my ex-landlord (Peter John Belitsos). The art that I gave my life to! Below is my modest GoFundMe! 🔥⚡👽🌟🦋👑🌷 I hand-make talismans, paintings/sculptures for you or your loved ones!🌷All of my creations are made of 100s of ancient, powerful symbols! I've tested and taught Spiritual practices via my classes at NYCs Edgar Cayce Center for 10 years. 🔥⚡👽🌟🦋👑🌷🌷🔥🌟💥⚡☀️✨ I have been trying to rebuild all my jewelry & art that was stolen when I was assaulted & robbed (10 times past few years) I am looking for a quality SPIRITUAL STORE or ART GALLERY to TRULY help with sales/marketing their work & mine! I am a rare, tireless entertainer, salesperson and psychic. I have huge internet reach and can work day and night continuously! I don't even need to eat. I have got by on hard work & skill alone, not cheating & it shows! If you would like to make a connection happen contact me. If it works out I will pay you! 🌟 A very modest GoFundMe here! Please spread the word! https://ift.tt/Ucs9LIj Thank you!🌟💜🗽💜🎿💜❄️💜🦌 . . . . . #spiritualpoems #spiritualquotes #Newagequotes #spiritualpoetry #motivationalquote #Channeledmessage #readthefuture #runestones #Norsemythology #norsepaganism #Sorcerer #Tarot #Clairvoyance #Spells #magick #celtic #magicalsymbols #metaphysical #metaphysicalart #Divination #healingart #Newage #Occult #newageart #runes #Spiritualart #paganart #spiritualjewelry #paganism #occultsymbols — view on Instagram https://ift.tt/nY5PM8q

[theway-itwas]

20221218

for jonghyun,

five years is a long time.

this fateful day that i dread every single year is finally here once again. five years. half a decade. one thousand eight hundred and twenty six days since you left.

it’s surreal. it’s crazy to think about. it’s been so long, and yet it’s gone by in the blink of an eye.

there’s still nothing i wouldn’t do to bring you back. i miss your bright smile, and your eyes that twinkle like they house billions of stars. i miss your voice. i miss the way you’d laugh with your entire chest, or how your whole body reacted to just about anything. i truly, deeply miss you, jjong.

so much has happened in just a year, and i can’t even begin to think of the person i was five years ago.

desi and i just hit our one year anniversary on the 7th. they’ve been really good to me and for me, i hope you’ve been able to see it. we’ve been talking about moving in, and it just about seems like it might be something happening very soon. i love them, i really do. they make days even as gloomy as these feel okay. they’re amazing, and i wish you could’ve been here to see.

i recently adopted a(nother) cat. yes, desi’s cat piper is technically mine too, but i hardly see piper. i don’t live with her yet, i don’t get to call her mine because she’s technically desi’s. but this cat, he’s all mine. the cat rescue my neighbors have, they asked me to take care of it for a month while they’re in the amazon. of course i wanted to, and i can’t say i didn’t expect to get attached to all of the kitties, but this one really won over my heart. his name is cloud, like cloud strife from final fantasy, and it really fits him. he’s a real cutie, just a big sweetheart. i think you’d love him, and i could totally see you wanting a cat someday. i’ll make sure to tell him all about you later tonight.

i’ve made and lost a bunch of friends. i haven’t necessarily lost many, but some distance has grown between us, and that’s okay. i don’t hate them, but i’ve grown to realize that what i think is good for me and what i want to constantly surround myself with just isn’t them. as for the friends i’ve made, they’re pretty great. i’ve also grown a lot closer to some friends, and i can say i’m happy with my relationships right now.

i got a new job, too! my last job was horrible, that’s for sure, but this new one isn’t so bad. i’ve never worked in retail before, so it’s definitely been a new, stressful experience for me. nevertheless, i think i’ve definitely grown to love the people there and the state i’m at. though, i am late quite often and i put myself in a lot of sticky situations. i have many flaws as a worker, but i’m trying to fix them, i swear.

i tried to contact my doctor for an adhd assessment. it’s been something i’ve struggled with for the longest time, and i finally pulled the trigger, just to be told there’s a countless number of hoops i have to jump through just so i can actually get the help i need. they basically need to treat me for my “severe anxiety” first (their exact words) which doesn’t really help because i needed help with my inattentiveness, but it’s okay. i’ll call them back eventually, i just need to find the motivation (and also not forget on the days which i am motivated). i’m getting it all sorted out, slowly, but it’s a work in progress.

this time of year always gets a bit gloomy remembering you’re not around. i try to have fun and make the most out of days like these, and i try to stay positive around the holidays, but some nights are harder than others, naturally. i just hope you’re doing well wherever you are.

i love you, jjong. i miss you endlessly and i really hope you’re happy. you did well, and you worked hard. you are always in my heart. thank you for letting me love you.

[the-bleeding-typewriter]

Lil’ Update ☀️ 7/15/20

Hii my trip got extended a week so the chapter will not go up tomorrow (Thursday), sorry! But I'm going back home this Sunday, so I'll try to update early next week to make up for the wait. Until then, sit tight! How about a few lines from the first draft of the chapter to tide y'all over?

SNEAK PEEK of CHAPTER FIVE of to muzzle a dog admits he is a threat:

Cloud feels himself going limp, drifting away, then barely feels a thing. Breathing is getting complicated, the air getting tangled in his windpipe...Cloud closes his eyes, so lightheaded that for a second he fears it’s actually floating away. That must be his brain melting. Maybe it’s leaking out of his ears.

They’re talking to him again, but he’s too tired. He doesn’t have the energy to do anything, not even listen. Comprehension goes out the window. All he’s left with are wispy thoughts and his barest senses. And the pain, of course.