#- “death by popping” afterlife. and since we know that some amount of people died after using the bubble transformer_ they must have went -

[wheucto]

an afterlife where everyone looks just like you

[misterxsamsa]

I feel like there's potential for a really compelling OCD Johnny headcanon somewhere in the subtext of JTHM. You could interpret his constant neurotic fixation on needing to paint the wall, and constantly, almost impulsively killing to satiate that as being somewhat analogous to obsessive-compulsions. I've seen people resonate with this when I allude to it in posts here and there, but I've never actually dedicated one to my thoughts on it.

This is a panel I think about a lot in relation to this, because this guy just died dramatically, went through a thought-provoking journey in all corners of the afterlife, and in the seconds following his resurrection what immediately comes to mind is violent fantasy! It's not something he actively tried to think about, based on what we're seeing, it just popped up there on its own accord.

That seems to be how it generally goes for him, if you look at the Twitter, for whatever that's worth canonically, it's all just elaborate murder, elaborate murder, oddly specific violence, etc. etc. That's just who he is as a character, sure, but he doesn't always kill out of anger or repressed sexuality, so after a certain point you've got to question what is driving him towards all the murder, practically to the exclusion of all other activities? His mind just seemingly generates a constant string of violent scenarios that bug him until he acts on one of them, and it's completely out of his hands. He's obsessed!

I don't think the fact that he regularly enjoys his rampages of cathartic violence even automatically rules out OCD as a possibility, since he does become distressed and confused by them in moments of self-reflection, such as we see shortly before he dies. Also, while his thoughts of violence comprise the "obsessive" part of the disorder his compulsion, to kill, would then be the "compulsive" part and would thus be designed to give catharsis from the obsession by nature. If you subscribe to the belief that Johnny's mentally ill, then you're probably of the opinion he has multiple disorders. They most likely give him a far more complicated relationship with his obsessions and compulsions, much more so than somebody who's only got OCD. They're his ball-and-chain, and his catharsis simultaneously, as his constant murdering allows him an outlet for his rage, fear of abandonment, sexuality, and need for control in situations on top of just giving him a release from the hold of his obsessive thoughts.

It's probably easy to look at my pathologizing of Johnny's traits, and my neglecting of their supernatural origins as me just ignoring the source material for projection's sake. Yes, I do know that Johnny wasn't written with any specific mental illness in mind, and yeah, I'm aware that a lot of what I'm discussing is attributed to the wall thing's influence in the comics. However, I don't think that's an adequate explanation for it all. His hallucinatory abstractions like Reverend Meat, and the manic-depressive symbolism in the Doughboys, and his delusional paranoia, and even this all continue to be documented facets of his character even after he's free of the wall's influence. That horrible little tentacle beast was only feeding and creating based on what was already present in Johnny's mind, and given the amount of symptomatic dysfunction present in him, even afterwards, it feels a bit silly to me to argue he's completely neurotypical.

I don't even think the answer to "What's plaguing his brain?" has to be as simple as it either being entirely mental illness, or entirely the paranormal infestations making residence in his cranium at any given time. Hell, I'm not even married to a collection of solid disorder headcanons, I just look at the two as being blended seamlessly. There's a lot to be said about the concept of "death of the author" but for me authorial intent stops where execution begins. It just so happens that in an attempt to craft some kickass lore, JV accidentally portrayed a lot of people's real experiences, with a surprising amount of depth and accuracy. He probably threw a bunch of random shit into his cool murder-dude character that he associated passively with insanity, like hallucinations and paranoia, not thinking about it, but he still basically fell assfirst into portraying a nebulous psychotic disorder, since that's all stuff that actually happens to people. I'm getting ramble-y, but basically Johnny is the Schrödinger's Cat of mental illness, and not aknowledging his neurodivergence to some degree practically breaks his character, because it makes everything he does make marginally less sense, even with the lore.

[shoezuki]

Tommy's prison/revival arc isnt well written actually

Anyways ive been wanting to talk on it a while for a bit here but havent had the Time or like. The thought to. But im gonna go off now.

First off im gonna say im ASSUMING this stream and plot of tommy being in the prison with dream is written entirely by tommy and dream. Wilbur May be involved in the latest stream but im not sure.

Bringing tommy back to life after only three days of him being dead did practically nothing to progress plot, the characters, or audience's understanding. In fact i feel that it damaged Other characters' potential and plot and already established plotlines.

The 'development' aspect

A really, really easy way to see if anything has changed or developed through an arc or plotline is to straightup just compare the 'beginning' to the 'end' in terms of the barebones situation. So;

Beginning: tommy is trapped in an isolated prison cell with dream, his own abuser who has hurt him in the past, for an unknown amount of time. He's terrified of dream and being stuck there with him.

End: tommy is trapped in an isolated prison cell with dream after being killed then revived by him, his own abuser whos hurt him in the past, for an unknown amount of time. Hes terrified of dream and being stuck there with him.

Okay. This is simplified obvious. But the point stands. ALTHOUGH the troupe of 'going back to the beginning' is common in the heroes journey its. It doesnt work here. Has tommy learned anything? Has he changed as a character? Is the severity of their situation any different? Have we, as the audience, learned anything new?

Im going to expand on that last point because i think it has the strongest potential argument. Technically for progression in literature and development of plot/characters, things can Change without them being Aware as characters. It can change just by the audience's perception changing or being challenge.

Slight example: i've been reading a webcomic called Your Throne. Its a fantasy/political drama about a noble lady who entered a competition with another noble lady to become the empress. The main lady lost despite her being a better fit, and the comic starts with the main lady trying to assassinate the empress. Its assumed and stated by the main lady that she 'ruined her life' and so thats all the readers know. However, later in the novel we see flashbacks to the competition itself and find that the two ladies were extremely close friends, neither wanting anything bad for the other, but it was the emperor himself who manipulated both of them for his own agenda. Those flashbacks gave us an entirely different idea of who the real antagonist is and completely changed the two main ladies' relationship. THAT is how the audience's understanding of the plot and novel can be used to change the entire story. We dont get such here though

Some things that were brought to light during tommy being dead/revived:

Dream is capable of reviving people infinitely

This was already implicated and assumed. The book dream has being a means of reviving people has been around Technically since schlatt's death. This just 'confirmed' what was known

Time works differently/feels longer in the afterlife

This doesnt really impact much beyond emotions and implications. If we had more insight into what the 'afterlife' is like beyond nothingness perhaps so. But really it just makes it so wilbur being dead for what feels like 9 years and tommy having been dead for 2 months appeal to emotions.

Wilbur is evil

This one fuckin sucks i cant lie HSKSHSISSGEGDV. Like i was gon go on bout it and i will but it jus sucks. We have nothing to go on besides tommy's word, no examlles of what Horrible things wilbur said could make tommy assume this, etcetc. Ill most likely make a seperate post on how this feels like we're just going to get 'wilbur is a horrible villain' type with him. But still. I feel wilbur Not Being Good isnt a new development.

Dream is going to revive wilbur

This doesnt feel new either, part because phil had wanted to revive wilbur before (ill get to that more later) and that tommy had kept dream alive/initially imprisoned him with the idea of him reviving wilbur.

Dream believes wilbur will break him out of prison

Okau this makes no sense to me actually. I cwnt understand How exactly wilbur would be able to do this? Or why dream believes he even Could? Mans been dead for like 9 years and all we Know of the afterlife is that its black... nothingness. How would 9 years of that make wilbur capable of busting the prison open?

So. Yeah. All in all this plotline hasnt done anything new, developed things, or altered people's perceptions. We just ended up back at square one. Back to tommy being traumatized, dream being 'evil' and horrible and doing villain monologues, and them being stuck together.

Other characters and plotlines

Im pretty damn sure tommy's revival fucked up a LOT of other characters' plotlines and potential development. Honestly i feel this has a lot to do with the writers not communicating with other ccs well enough. But Ill talk about specific characters from least to most fucked over in my opinion:

Sam

He's the best off. He hqd been there during tommy's death, had been close to tommy, had majorly blamed himself and his own mistakes for tommy's death. His grief and self hatred was actually really heartbreaking and well done. The attached character of Sam Nook being unaware of tommy's death and simply waiting for tommy to return was a really good parallel to sam's own grief and anger. like it really snapped sam the guy who cares for tommy and wants to do Right by him back together with him as the Warden of the prison. Mixed personal life with 'just business'.

I feel it wouldve been nice to have him like. Have more time to grieve properly and come to terms eith tommy's death and his own involvement/influence over the events. Him finding tommy alive again Could be a means of him like. Facing his own grief head on if done well.

Ranboo

Mostly in the context of him and sam's argument do i feel it got screwed over. The weight of them yelling at each other and trying to find who to blame and the implications that Maybe ranboo was the one who caused the security breach that closed down the prison on tommy just.... doesnt hit so hard anymore. Because how can there be blame and arguments and a 'who done it' mystery when tommy popped up all fine again?

Puffy

I dony know much of her involvement or how she found out tommy died (besides metagaming shhhhh) but i saw her monologuing of how they 'failed' tommy and like. Her whole 'he was so young we the Adults failed him' spiel is like........... inconsequential? Now??? Like no dont worry he died but hes alright now.

Philza

BET YOU DIDNY EXPECT TO SEE THIS FUCKER!!!!!! But actually though i want to talk bout how this ties into phil. A LOT. for Zalbr ❤. But also because i see ppl tying phil to tommy's death n like nah shutup u doin it wrong. Ill go off more in a Wilbur Post. But essentially: i dont like that dream is now going to revive wilbur. I feel they arent going to tie philza into this Despite phil having originally been trying to revive his son and studying on it and Attempting and Failing. But now suddenly dream can just. Say some magic words and Poof wilbur lives? So we're just going to Kill philza's revival attempts plotline and leave that hanging? This made his efforts seem pointless and Wack like oh why didnt you just Say The Magic Words phil????

Niki

I feel really bad for niki. She hasnt been able to do a lore stream during tommy's 'death' (she tweeted she wanted to but her computer wasnt working) and considering her entire character.... that shit is important. We seen it with Jack Manifold how tommy's death impacted Him considering he literally wanted tommy dead. And since niki is in a similar boat to jack of trying to kill tommy and it being her Only goal...... thats extremely important.

BUT. i feel there wasnt any communication. Did she or anyone even know tommy would be revived? Did no one consider they could At Least let her do a single stream on it? Like jack manifold????

We couldve gotten a Really good niki lore stream. I genuinely was so excited for it and i dont regularly watch her. But we seen it with jack manifold which is why i dont feel he got screwed because mans genuinely did So Good he could pop off with anything n i think it works in His favour. But now........ for niki. Canonically she never even knew tommy was Dead. So its like nothing even happened for her. Is she just supposed to continue on trying to kill tommy with no progression?

What i think would work

This is more me being like 'hey @ the dsmp writers let me in' type speculation sbosegussgs. But i was thinkin on a Really easy way to 'fix' this without rewriting lore and the streams.

Dream should kill tommy again now that he's been revived and Leave Him Dead.

More development for the characters who are affected by his death Especially niki. More time for grief and self reflection and development

A chance for the audience to figure out what the 'afterlife' really is.

Dream is supposed to be smart and a master manipulator or something right? Why doesnt he use being able to revive tommy as a bargaining chip with sam for his own freedom?

The audience would now Know dream's intentions with tommy better, that this death isnt 'final', but we could still see other characters' grief and reactions and coping without it feeling cheap. Ive seen some 'but people dont know tommy is alive so hes still dead in their mind' but that sucks imo.

We'd know more on dream's ability to revive people and that he can just Do It on a whim (which i think sucks but hey im trying) but no one else would know this canonically

Okay. Im done. If you read this. Thankyou. I love you. Hmu.

[postguiltypleasures]

The Magicians Finale - (over a year later)

I didn’t watch the first season of The Magicians as it aired in late 2015- 2016. I was already watching the roughly estimated maximum amount of television I could watch. I didn’t have the time to make for a new show. It debuted at the same time as The Expanse, and that looks like the “better” show. But I would soon realize that I liked The Magicians more.

While I was watching the first season, I attempted to go back and look at the writing from while it aired. This experience profoundly influenced how I felt about the controversial ending to the fourth season, and the fall out in the fandom.

The fourth season ended after Quentin Coldwater, ostensibly the show’s central character, dying while saving the world. In his orientation to the afterlife there is discussion about was this actually heroic or was it a manifestation of his depression and suicidal identification. The show doesn’t answer this directly, it just has Quentin experience how his friends are mourning him and feel how loved it was. People felt really betrayed by this. It was considered deeply irresponsible. I have already written about it here. In the aftermath, part of me thought back to those recaps and reviews of the first season and wondered “how did we get to place where we could feel so betrayed?” Because reviews from the then seemed certain that it was more problematic than it was. Take for example this recap from Vulture season one, where the writer, Hillary Kelly, wonders who this show is actually for? Or this AV Club recap of the first season finale where the writer Lisa Weidenfeld erroneously thinks that The Beast and Julia, both rape victims, are being set up to be the show’s main villains? And that Eliot’s forced marriage to Fen was potentially a straight washing.

The fact that the worries Weidenfeld put into writing didn’t pan out is probably part of the reason that the show’s reputation improved. It would also have characters within the show call out others’s sexism, racism, etc. which could feel like something of a corrective to a lot of pop culture out there. You might also have noticed that in Weidenfeld’s recap she makes a comparison between Julia and Willow-gets-addicted-to-magic-plot season six of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Ads for the first season even looked like they wanted viewers to draw that comparison.

I remember from around the second season coming across a several articles declaring The Magicians a worthy successor to Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Emily VanDerWerff discussed it in her review of the second season. As one point she makes the statement that “The Magicians isn’t as politically subversive as Buffy”, and I’m going to go out on a limb and say that might be less true than she assumed at the time. In an era of backlash against Buffy’s creator Joss Whedon, The Magicians could be comparatively more empathetic to its characters and had some pretty subversive plot points. But I haven’t watched an episode of Buffy since the early aughts, or The Magicians since it wrapped.

(VanDerWerff’s writing heavily influenced my own thoughts about thee show, which I previously wrote about here. I am also including links to her old podcast, I Think You’re Interesting and the interviews she did with novelist Lev Grossman and show runner Sera Gamble, though I should note those are from before she transitioned and under her dead name. Also I wanted to include that she included it in her best television of the 2010s article.)

In the articles I just linked to, you might also notice frequent comparisons to Game of Thrones. While the comparisons focus on the the vast difference in budget and how ubiquitous GoT was at the same time The Magicians aired, it is worth noting that both series are postmodern, deconstruction takes on their respective sub-genres. While GoT could use that to point out why surprising and awful things happened to their characters, The Magicians mostly had fewer horrible things happen to its characters. But the comparison might have influenced how post Quentin’s death people made a litany of those events/plot points to prove that any faith in the show was misplaced and it was a betrayer better left behind.

The after the fourth season I pulled back from discussing The Magicians online. I just couldn’t deal with other people’s anger. I was never really active in the fandom, but I did write about it here more than probably any other series since I started this blog. This may have given me a false impression about how the media ended up covering the show. While writing this I was planning an arc that would go something like, “at the start of the fourth season the media loved it and articles this one by Kathryn Van Arendonk at Vulture came out saying that they regretted stopping the show part way through season one. But the fan backlash to the finale was so harsh that even the show’s frequent champion, Emily VanDerWerff didn’t write about it at all for the fifth season.” She did write a positive review at the start of the fifth season. I even read it at the time. She didn’t write about the finale, and that disappointed me, which may have led me to mis-remember the earlier. (I did remember this round table discussion about the ascendency of fandom in which she discusses the show’s situation, and it might have also contributed to my misremembering.)

The AVClub had Weidenfeld write a review of the first episodes, but she no longer recapped the episodes as she had for the first four seasons. (Her review is generally about what is missing from the Quentin-less series) While preparing to write this I found out that Decider’s Anna Menta recapped through the third episode, despite being amongst those who felt betrayed by Quentin’s death and the lack of opportunity for Quentin and Eliot to explore their romance.

(I just want to take a moment to say a couple of things here. Firstly, I really believed the show runners when they said Quentin was dead and not coming back so I didn’t see the first couple of episodes as a tease that he might come back. When my grandfather who I was very close to died I would regularly have dreams that his death was incorrectly called and he’d come back. I saw those episodes as a version of that.)

This has been show I’ve written about the most in recent years. But as I was mostly ignoring both professional and fan writing about it for its final season, I only really got around to reading these now. I’m going to start with this post-finale interview with the producers, Sera Gamble, Henry Alonso Myers John McNamara, written by Vlada Gelman at TVLine. It isn’t really a lot of new information. It’s interesting to read about how being renewed or not affected their editing decisions in post production. They seem happy with it. At Entertainment Weekly, Chancellor Agard interviewed Gamble and McNamara. There is more talk about the connection between the final season of the tv show and the finale book of the trilogy, The Magicians Land. (As a viewer I was always pleased when they somehow brought in details from the books late in the season, whether it was big things for the arc like the World Seed page or details that only mattered for an episode like whales being magicians.) In the interview, they also talk about some of the wildest plot points. Gamble and McNamara also gave and interview to Adam Chitwood at Collider. Chitwood is the most enthusiastic about the show. The interview also confirms for those who want to know that Jason Ralph asked to be let go from the show, and that Julia’s pregnancy probably wouldn’t have happened if her actress Stella Maeve hadn’t gotten pregnant. Finally, in an I can’t believe I missed it example, at the New York Times, Jennifer Vineyard also interviewed Gamble and McNamera. This one starts pretty politically with how trying to save the citizens of Fillory unintentionally works as a metaphor for quarantine and how we don’t get through difficult periods of times because of individuals, instead it’s more of a collective. Then it somehow turns into a a thing about being in a mutual admiration society with William Shatner. I truly didn’t see this one coming.

So now I have to get to the actual reviews of the finale, with the caveat that I haven’t watched any of the series in over a year so it’s definitely not fresh in my mind. Over at The AVClub, re-capper Weidfeld is mostly mournful for the series, but also makes the point that when the characters grew up and stopped being so hurtful towards each other and themselves, it was less compelling. It kind of ties back to my “how did people think this was a show that wouldn’t hurt them” question from earlier, but with less interest in fans. I don’t remember if my feelings as it went on would have agreed with it, but it is partially why it was in good place to end the series. At io9, Beth Elderkin seemed to think the finale was rushed and the show deserved better. I don’t remember if I felt like the episode was rushed. But as I read through her recap, I realize that I’ve also forgotten a lot of the episode’s plot points. Over at The Mary Sue, Jessica Mason wrote a positive review highlighting aspects that pleased her as a fan who wanted good things for these characters.

Shortly after the finale Sarah Stankorb at The Atlantic recommend the series to COVID bound bingers. I was shocked to see this. I didn’t think anyone would be recommending it post season for backlash. (Earlier on an episode of Our Opinions Are Correct the hosts walked back what could have been a recommendation for the series, which disappointed me. I don’t remember which episode this was.) It’s a lovely overview of the whole series. I especially like how Stackorb addresses the way the show dealt with Julia’s assault (greatly improving on the source material). It made me wonder if the show will have a legacy, one worthy of celebration. I don’t hope for a revival, but if I had time to re-watch it, I might. And I am happy to read comicbooks building on the source material.

[emrysarthurpendragon]

Let’s hang out sometime!

He had no choices. Merlin keeps muttering these words as he walked past the citadel’s doors. The guards standing there, one at each side of said doors, barely send a curious glance at him. It was not usual for the young warlock to go out in the middle of the night. Most of the time, nightfall – or even later – was the moment he left the city to collect plants for Gaius. Some flowers were blooming away from the sun, while the moon was high and full. For that reason, the soldiers just nodded in his direction and reminded him to be careful. Bandits used to roam the woods around the citadel and his royal pratness needed his manservant. Ok. He added the prat part. Still, after tonight, Arthur and Merlin would belong to the past. The young prince, soon-to-be king, needed not him now. He had seen enough lately to know. Arthur was not the once and future king. He hated magic as much as his father does and will do until the day he died. Morgana had every right to lose her mind, growing up in a place where people like her were burned at the stake, even when they used their powers to help and protect their loved ones.

“He will forget me. After all, we were just manservant and prince … not friends.” As if he wanted to befriend an idiot like Arthur. Real friends don’t throw goblets and various pieces of furniture at you. A sad smile graced the brunet’s lips. He remembered a time, in Ealdor, when Will pop out of nowhere with something to eat for them. They would grab hands and run together in the woods, laughing and playing tricks on the local bullies. They were poor, Merlin even more than Will’s family, but so much happier. Back then, no destiny darkened his future and threatened to crush him if he failed.

After some time, the small way through the trees widened and opened in a beautiful clearing. Here and there, white flowers faced the snowy full moon. Like stars fallen from the sky and to the peaceful earth. The soft wind made them dance shyly, nervous to move under a stranger’s gaze. In the middle of the clearing, surrounded by green grass, an oak stood. Oaks were magnificent. Older than most humans, they waited there and only shared their knowledge with a few chosen ones. Long ago, one of them sent a dream to Merlin. One about a world of magic. A world in which he was free to be himself and not some babbling, goofy, stupid manservant. A world with Arthur, the King, by his side and staring at his people with fond eyes. With kids roaring with laughter in the wide streets of Camelot, chasing each other’s and sending sparkles of magic toward their friends. It happened not long after he first step foot in Camelot and, like an idiot, he thought of a glimpse from the future. If it were, he probably messed it up somewhere. Like he did with Morgana, and probably Mordred too. Well, at least, Mordred had not attacked them for now. He was somewhere with his fellow druids, happy and alive. Hanging from a branch, a liana caught his eyes and merlin waved his wrist, calling it to him and making a knot with what could be called a cord in that case. According to the legend, taking someone’s life sends you to a terrible place in the afterlife. Doing so with yourself condemn the person to even worse … reincarnation where they would suffer even more. Funny enough, Merlin though nothing could be worst than what he was enduring right now. The other day, he barely avoids being caught by Leon, using magic to protect them in an ambuscade. The final countdown before his burning had begun and he chooses to die to his own terms. Not with Arthur’s hateful eyes on him, but with his laugh in his ears and his smile behind his closed eyelids.

“I guess it’s time to go…” whispered Merlin, slowly climbing the tree. For one moment, he turned his blue eyes where he heard a rustle in the bushes below. Probably his imagination. Some part of him wishing for a sudden twist in his fate, in the form of a friend coming to stop him. A chuckled escaped his lips at his stupidity. No one was coming. With that in mind, Merlin straightened the knot around his neck and made the last step between his life and death. “Freya, I’m coming,” the young man whispered and then, nothing. Nothing but the blissful darkness.

 * * *

Gwaine had been at the tavern – again – and stumbled out of the place around the witching hour. Maybe earlier. From the corner of his eyes, he saw the familiar figure of his friend, Merlin, walking down the street and outside the city. As a matter of fact, the knight knew Gaius needed not plants. They met earlier that day and his pots were so full he could probably make a good amount of money selling them to the nobles. Why was Merlin heading out then? Not for Arthur. The Prince never asked his manservant to leave town after dusk. Behind his banters and flying items, the young man cared deeply for his servant and would never endanger him like this. Merlin, on another hand, had that habit to endanger himself. The other day, Lancelot stopped him from falling down the staircases. How was he still alive? Gwaine did not know. Especially with all the adventures they shared since the day they met. Bandits. Sorcerers. Magic creatures. He survived them all but almost kill himself in the most random situations one could imagine. Of course, he decided to follow his friend in a matter of second. Anything could happen in the woods, in the middle of the night. What if the brunet was tricked and killed by an enemy of Camelot? None of them would survive this. Well, they will. But they’ll change in the process. Merlin was their glue. The one whom united them in the first place. A little brother. If something were to happen to him, if Arthur found out someone noticed Merlin and decided to ignore him … let’s say there would be consequences. In a lucky day, even the slightly drunk soldier managed to follow Merlin without being noticed. He stumbled a few times. Cursed when his right foot got stuck in a root. Still, he followed his friend and watched carefully, hidden behind a tree, what happened next. Or he listened. A cold feeling grew in Gwaine when the wind carried Merlin’s word.

“He will forget me. After all, we were just manservant and prince … not friends.” He said. Merlin, the cheerful boy, spoke like a man collapsing under too much pressure. Merlin who joked with them earlier that day, about how Arthur would kill him one day, if he keeps using him as a target during practice. Was he hurt at training? Something they said or did? His thought prevented him from following Merlin and when he reconnected with reality, the younger man was gone. Gwaine searched for him. He looked everywhere for hours. Or it felt like it. Then, the clearing appeared and his blood froze in his body. No. This what not happening. Merlin couldn’t be standing in a tree, face turned toward the sky, a ghostly smile gracing his features. He watched in slow motion the manservant’s movements. Even if he ran really fast, his chances at saving Merlin were inexistent. The wind carried the name of a girl named Freya. Did Merlin lose her? Who was she? His friend never mentioned a special someone before. A better half, lover or even good friend. Thinking out loud, Merlin had always been secretive about his life.

“Merlin! No!” screamed Gwaine, running under the tree. The small body fell and remained limp. From his pocket, the knight grabbed a knife and threw it at the vines. Call it luck, the blade snapped the liana right away and Gwaine caught his friend. Merlin weights nothing in his arms. His skin was pale and his chest immobile. As still as a frozen lake in winter. With shake hands, Gwaine undone the handmade rope and checked for a pulse. Sure enough, no bones had been broken when Merlin fell to his death. He probably chocked, gasping for air until his consciousness faded away.

“Please, don’t be dead. Not on me,” begged Gwaine, practising first aids on Merlin. One. Two. Three. Four. He heard a loud crack as a rib broke under the pressure. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered, repeating the same gestures, giving his own oxygen and forcing in into Merlin lungs. After what felt like eternity, a loud gasp broke the silence. Merlin’s chest started rising and falling again; slightly, but enough to make him alive. “Hold on, I’ll take you to Gaius.”

The way to Camelot never felt so long before. The guards are the door sent worried looks their ways and Gwaine hurried. His loud steps sound like those of some spirit of the dead. With a loud bang – and a startled Gaius – Gwaine stepped into the physician’s office.

“Sir Gwaine? What’s the…” started the old man, before his gaze fell on his ward. “Merlin. What happened?” asked Gaius, hurrying the knight toward the table, where they lay their friend and/or surrogate son.

“I don’t know…” stuttered Gwaine, nervously scratching his neck with his left hand. “Followed him in the woods and … and he tried to… I lose him for a minute and … was hanging in … in a tree… I don’t understand.”

“Oh, my dear boy,” sighed Gaius, checking his books and potions. The thing was, he felt magic was involved in Merlin’s current situation. Lately, the boy had acted off character. Whenever people were not looking, he noticed how his ward’s happiness melted to a grim look. But magic saved him too. Around the younger man’s neck, he felt the golden stream that saved the warlock. His bones clearly snapped the moment he jumped off that tree and repaired themselves to save him. No matter how hard someone had been trying to kill Merlin, the boy’s magic acted like a shield. Or a curse, if legends were true. Legends about Emrys being the most powerful warlock ever, and also an immortal being.

Hours passed and Gwaine ended up snoring on a chair. That is, until Gaius said he did his best and that now, they just had to wait until Merlin felt strong enough to open his eyes again. The sun rose in the distance and the knight yawned loudly.

“I better go wake the Princess. I’ll tell him Merlin’s sick and banned from duties for the time being. Physician’s orders.”

“Thank you, Gwaine. For helping my boy and keeping the secret.”

“He’s my friend too,” smiled Gwaine as he exited the office. Once alone, his smile faded. Merlin almost took his own life. Merlin thought Arthur could lose him and be okay with it. Every single person in Camelot, from nobles to mere peasants knew how close they were. Even that stupid King Uther and his stupid laws knew. If magic truly was involved in it, Gwaine knew it couldn’t force that kind of feeling in one mind. No. Somewhere, even deep inside his heart, Merlin had believed them enough to do so. Or was it about that Freya girl? What if there was no magic here? What if Gaius told him so, just to ease his aching heart?

Without knocking, Gwaine entered the prince’s bedroom and found him fully awake, his back turned to him and struggling with his shirt.

“Merlin, you’re late!” growled the blond.

“Not Merlin, Princess.”

The man froze and turned over. His messy hair poked out of the shirt, quickly followed by the royal’s head with a confuse look all over his face. The moment their eyes met, Arthur asked in a worried voice:

“Where’s Merlin?”

For a second, Gwaine did not find the words. He closed his eyes and saw Merlin’s limp body hanging before him. He remembered how cold he was, how thin … his fear when he realised what had happened.

“He’s sick. Gaius tied him to his bed,” joked the man, trying his best to hide his worry. Thankfully, Arthur was the oblivious type and accepted his poor excuse. He never found out about the truth. Not when they visited Merlin as a group of worried knights. Not when the manservant awoke. Not even when, after a week and a half, Merlin resume to his duties and acted as if nothing happened. The only change came from Gwaine, who stopped his usual stops at the tavern to keep a vigilant eye on his friend.

[heartslogos]

an oath to keep

Gideon is sitting on a dull ashy rock, boots covered in dull ashy dirt, staring out at a dull ashen sky as dull ash clouds puff around her. She is waiting for a drop ship to pick her up and take her away.

She is certain of two things.

One, when Harrowhark Nonagesimus gets her she’s going to be so mad at Gideon that she’s going to skip straight past frosty rage and into frothing at the corners of the mouth and she might try to pop each individual vertebrae of Gideon’s spine out through Gideon’s mouth like a candy dispenser.

Two, Gideon is deader than disco. Which provides a minor sliver of hope because disco has a weird tendency to dip its toe back into living every so often before being quickly shunted off into its shallow grave.

Gideon, in fact, does feels some minor, weird, buzzing feeling in the back of her skull that signals to her that she’s not all the way gone yet. Just ninety nine point nine nine nine nine nine nine nine nine nine percent there.

She raises a hand and runs it through her hair, as she sighs, slumping down on the rock to stare up at the bleak sky.

Trust being dead to land her back at the Ninth. The afterlife couldn’t have something a little bit more interesting? Gideon’s no saint and didn’t have many expectations for what the other side would hold for her, but surely it wouldn’t be ye old homestead of eternal bleakness.

Figures that the bad place for the bad people is just the Ninth. It explains so much, honestly.

So far Gideon has catalogued three bits of good news while sitting on her old rock friend.

One. She’s got her two hander. Its familiar weight means that this place can’t be completely awful. Real hell would’ve been stuck in the afterlife with the little metal wand of a rapier and the kind of alright knuckles.

Two. Gideon also still has her glasses. Unscratched, unbroken, and in perfectly mirrored condition that she can see her reflection in them.

Three. Gideon’s existence in the afterlife is not a complete mangled wreck like it was when Gideon threw herself into it to start with. Her arms and legs work, her torso isn’t a sieve with a bonus chance at tetanus, and — not as great, but neither here nor there — her face paint looks fresh, sharp, and unblemished. Which also leads to the bad news that Gideon poked at her face a bit and could still feel the angry little zits on her forehead and the sides of her face.

Being dead, apparently, does not rescue a person from acne. Acne is a powerful curse that extends beyond life. There can be no rescuing from acne.

“Ninth.”

Gideon looks up and is somehow disappointed to see Camilla.

“Yo,” Gideon stands up, waving awkwardly. “Do I apologize?”

Camilla blinks at her, confused, “What for?”

“You’re here.”

Camilla looks around, and shrugs. “Not for long.”

They both look up at the sound of ship engines.

Camilla’s hands rest on her hips as they watch the dull clouds part, and the lights of a ship start to come closer.

“Thank you for what you did back there,” Camilla says as they watch the ship descend. “You do your house proud.”

Gideon shrugs, uncomfortable at the thought of making the Ninth House feel anything positive. The Ninth could suck it. It wasn’t really —

“The Ninth has less syllables than Harrowhark Nonagesimus,” Gideon says.

Camilla’s lip twitches upward at the corner. Gideon has a feeling Camilla already knew that.

“It was an honor to fight with you,” Camilla says as the ship completes its descent, landing off in the distance and lowering its ramp. She turns to Gideon and holds her hand out. “I’m going to join my adept.”

Gideon grasps it. “Hey, what was it that you were supposed to do?”

Camilla’s smile is grim and thin. “Finish it.”

Gideon’s hand tightens on Camilla’s. “And — ?”

She doesn’t now how to finish that question.

Camilla nods once. “It is done.”

They both let go of each other and Camilla turns to walk away. Gideon watches her for a bit before returning to her rock.

“Gideon!”

She looks up and sees Camilla, almost at the ship.

“You could come with us,” Camilla yells out towards her, “You’ve done more than enough. Our part is over.”

Gideon stares at Camilla, and then beyond her at the ship. She imagines she can see Palamedes in the shadow of the ship’s entryway. Boy that would be an awkward ride to wherever dead people go next. No thanks.

“Pass. I’ll wait for mine,” Gideon yells back.

Camilla is very still in the distance before she raises an arm and waves, then turns and completes the walk onto the ship.

Gideon watches the ship as it slowly returns to the sky and away from here. Her throat tightens and she tells herself she isn’t crying. She’s got no paint or brushes. If she messes up her face it’s going to be stuck that way for eternity. No thanks.

Gideon doesn’t know how long she’s been here. It could be minutes. It could be hours. It could be days or years or centuries.

She doesn’t feel tired or thirsty or anything. She’s got enough to do. Infinite laps to run, push ups, crunches, squats, sword drills. She even messes around with pushing rocks around the bleak landscape.

“You.”

Gideon groans, sheathing her sword as she drops her stance. She turns and she sees the hulking mass of Crux lumbering towards her, face grim and foreboding as ever.

“Come on, Crux,” Gideon gestures around them, “We’re dead. Can you drop being a giant wanker for like…a minute? I’ll even pretend I don’t know about the part where you rigged my ship so I would die as soon as I got off planet.”

Crux scowls, coming to a stop a few feet away from her, “Death is the least of what those who abandon their house deserve.” The formal marshal looks her over. “Ultimately you made up for your many flaws, though I can see that your disrespect and lack of manners remains unfixable.”

“Thanks?” Gideon hedges that this is supposed to be the most backhanded of complements, so backhanded that it goes right around to being a complete insult. “You know, Crux, I didn’t think you’d ever kick the bucket. Do I get to ask what did you in? Was it spite? Did you enjoy yourself so thoroughly on the news of my death that you kicked it to see if it was real? Did your dusty old bones just give in and send you collapsing to the floor in a puddle of skin?”

If Crux’s scowl gets any deeper it would threaten to become engraved onto his very bones themselves. Crux’s scowl is so deeply etched into his face that Gideon swears that you could pack the grooves like pockets.

“You wear the paint and patterns of the Ninth like an unattended toddler who put them on in the dark with their fingers,” Crux says. Overhead Gideon hears the sound of a ship coming.

“Looks like your ride’s here,” Gideon says, “Bet you hope that I’m not the one who rigged it this time, eh? Wouldn’t that be a nice turn of the dramatic? You want to offer me some skin mags? For old time’s sake?”

Gideon scrambles to hide behind her rock as Crux advances.

“You can’t kill me, Crux. I’m not scared of you, you old bag of dust,” Gideon says as Crux strides past her and her rock towards the ship, one hand on her sword just in case. The entire way the sound of his breathing and the rattling of his bones made Gideon think of a goody bag for necromancers with knuckles in it being shaken about. Gideon gives Crux’ back the finger.

“Gideon Nav,” Crux says as he walks towards the ship, “You have been a blot on the records of the Ninth since you fell onto our heads.”

Gideon is about to fire off a retort regarding the lack of heads in the Ninth in general, when Crux continues.

“But you saved the Reverend Daughter, and thus the Ninth. You may have been a blot on our records, but you will remain recorded, nonetheless. You were a cavalier worthy of service.”

Gideon watches Crux shamble all the way to the ship and get onto it, saying nothing in return.

Aiglamene comes around eventually, and Gideon is surprised to find herself sad to see her old mentor.

Her face is, dare Gideon think it? Fond.

“What’s up?” Gideon says, mustering up a small salute for the old woman. “You outlasted Crux! Good on you.”

“You are a wretch and a fool, and a legend of the Ninth House,” Aiglamene says. “It is good to see that despite the legends that came after your death and the amount of heroics involved in those legends, you are still Gideon Nav. When we heard word of what you did, I didn’t want to believe it. I couldn’t believe it. You did — “

“If you say I did the Ninth proud I’m going to throw myself down right here and have the biggest fit you’ve ever seen in your life, and since you’ve been around since the beginning of time it’s going to be one impressive fit.”

Aiglamene gives her a flat look that makes Gideon’s guts gurgle in protest.

“You did me proud, you thrasonical miscreant.”

“You got a dictionary for that one?”

Aiglamene sighs. “I can’t believe that I actually missed you.”

Gideon puts a hand over her heart, “Captain. You do care.”

“I regret the waste of emotion every second I spend looking at you. What are you wearing on your face?”

“Glasses and face paint. Don’t I look like a real proper Niner?”

“You look like a proper malignancy.”

It feels like it’s too soon when the ship comes for Aiglamene. Gideon wants to keep her here, ask her a billion questions about what exactly happened after Gideon died. About Harrow. About the Canaan House. About everyone and everything. About what it felt like to see Crux dead and do a jig over his body.

Aiglamene might even stay.

Gideon’s not so selfish as to ask that, though. So Gideon just gestures to the ship.

“No one’s rigged that one to blow, swear it,” Gideon jokes.

Aiglamene just looks at her, like she’s studying Gideon’s face. Gideon half expects the woman to command her to drop and give her some drills, make sure she’s fighting fit. Gideon expects that she’d do it on reflex.

“If you wait here, you will have a long time to go,” Aiglamene says. “You’ve done your service, Gideon. You did more than what anyone could have asked you, more than what duty asked. You’re free, Gideon. No one owns you, no one can ask anything of you anymore. You can walk away.”

That would be nice if it were true. But it isn’t.

“I made an oath, Captain,” Gideon says. “And I intend to keep it.”

Aiglamene starts to smile.

“You know, so when her lady of eternal gloom and dusk shows up I can tell her that this is what keeping a promise looks like.”

The smile doesn’t go away.

Aiglamene holds her hand out, Gideon grasps it, expecting a firm shake and a serious and slightly formal nod goodbye, but the old woman pulls Gideon in with surprising strength. Gideon is surprised to find that she’s actually taller than Aiglamene now. Which is weird, because one would think you would stop growing when dead.

“Goodbye, Gideon Nav,” Aiglamene whispers into Gideon’s ear. “And good luck.”

It takes a huge amount of effort to uncurl her fingers from Aiglamene’s robes as they part.

Gideon watches Aiglamene go. And when Aiglamene raises her hand to wave goodbye as the ship’s door closes, Gideon salutes. And she holds that position until the clouds have closed over the ship and the gray world is silent again.

There are others. Eventually Lachrimorta and Aisamorta kick it. Gideon takes great pains to make sure that she’s well hidden when she hears those two biddies coming. She’s there for a handful of nuns she recognizes, some other serfs and cultists, various laypeople. Most of them she doesn’t know by name. There are some she doesn’t recognize at all. She does her best to remain hidden for the most part. Gideon would rather not have to deal with them.

Time must pass, though Gideon doesn’t really feel it. It’s like all of time is a giant slush that Gideon stands in the middle of, unmoved and unmoving.

The temptation to get on one of those ships and get away from here is there, but Gideon has something stronger than that. An oath.

Gideon’s word is important. She can’t leave here until it’s completed.

So she waits. She practices drills with her sword, even though she doesn’t really need to anymore. It does keep her fit for running away and hiding from faces she doesn’t want to deal with, which is nice. She does laps. She does sit ups. Crunches, squats, one handed push ups. Clap push ups. Hand stands. Whatever.

She even does the motions for the drills with a rapier and knuckle using a stick she’d found.

Gideon waits.

It feels like not long enough when she feels the dreaded step of Harrowhark Nonagesimus on the horizon.

Gideon turns, hand resting on the pommel of her two hander, the other adjusting her glasses as the shadowy figure of velvet and lace and bone drowse closer.

She hears a ship in the distance.

“One flesh, one end,” Gideon whispers to herself as Harrow comes into close enough view that she can see the press of her thin lips, the coiled tension in her shoulders, and the spite flickering in her eyes. “Sup.”

“You,” Harrow snarls. Gideon holds her ground as Harrow picks up the pace, great clouds of gray dirt and ash puffing away behind her as her long robes hiss along the ground. “You impertinent, selfish, foolish, insufferable, malicious, contrary shit.”

“I feel like that this is just the prologue for an epic speech,” Gideon says, pointing towards the ship coming towards them, “You want to discuss this on that instead?”

“I’m not going to discuss anything with you Griddle,” Harrow snaps, but continues walking towards the ship, “I am not having a discussion. I am going to tell you exactly why you did a completely stupid and unnecessary thing. I am going to tell you exactly the many ways you were wrong and how idiotic you were. I am going to tell you, in great and exact detail, the many ways in which your choices negatively impacted me over the past centuries, and I am going to explain to you in a way that even your single brain cell — which, I imagine has much atrophied over time due to lack of any meaningful stimulus — can understand how incomprehensibly and stupendously ill advised your abrupt departure was and the repercussions of you disobeying my orders was.”

Gideon falls into step behind Harrow, folding her arms around the back of her head and grinning at the back of Harrow’s.

“Oh, you did miss me.”

“It was a cold universe without you, Griddle,” Harrow snaps. Gideon beams. “And I had to deal with it by myself. I had to hold a sword, Griddle. A blasted sword. Do you know how frustrating it was to do — to do laps? It took me years, Griddle. Years. Just to swing a metal stick. A metal stick. Did it ever strike you that I had better things to do? That such physical labor was meant to be delegated to one such as yourself? I doubt it.”

Gideon stops waking and just watches Harrow go at it, snapping as vicious and mean spirited and terribly frustrating as ever. She missed this. She missed Harrow.

And now she’s going to have forever with this.

Gideon’s smile feels like it’s going to crack her face. She’s a masochist.

“Are you coming or not Gideon?” Harrow turns about, one foot on the ship’s ramp, tapping impatiently. “I’ve been waiting for this end for millenium, Gideon Nav. How long are you going to keep me waiting?”

“You’d think with millennium to yourself you’d have learned patience,” Gideon says, slowly walking towards her. “Besides. Aren’t I worth waiting for?”

[seanpatricklittlewriter]

The Final Blog Post of 2020

Greetings, friends. It has been a while. 

I think, as it has been for so many of us, 2020 is going down as a year where I accomplished pretty much nothing.I had big things planned for 2020, as I am sure a lot of you did, and they just… did not happen. Most of the downhill slide started in March, when I accepted a third-shift job. My body did not respond well to working third shift, and it sapped me of just about any will do to anything. I spent my days asleep, and my nights hovering through a weird twilight state where I was awake and doing things, but I was not happy about it. On my days off, I could barely function, and I started getting little fits of narcolepsy. After a doctor’s appointment, I mentioned these issues, and the doctor told me that someone who has the sort of thyroid and metabolic conditions that I have should not work third shift because it throws my whole system into whack. 

So, I’m looking for a new job, a better job (hopefully), and something that I actually look forward to doing. If nothing else, I’ve learned that money isn’t as important as actually enjoying your work.But, with this job, and the pandemic, of course, all my routines were knocked out and I have been struggling to figure out a new routine. I used to be able to write at home back when I lived in rented apartments. Since I bought a home, I’ve found it difficult. There is always something around the house that needs doing. I found a refuge at my local Culver’s restaurant. I’d go in, get a diet Mt. Dew to drink, and kick over 3-5 hours in my favorite booth grinding out pages. Now, with that not exactly being a favorable option, my writing output has decreased to almost nothing. A sentence here. Maybe a page or two, if I was lucky. The inability to generate a solid routine has made the story harder to solidify in my mind. So, it’s been a rough year is what I’m saying. 

I’m still kicking, though.

As is traditional, I like to list a few things that I found that brought me some joy this year and share them with you, as maybe you might like them, too.

Movies:

--I have not watched a ton of movies this year. The last movie I saw in a theater was “1917,” which I enjoyed greatly. It was an excellent WWI film, and the fact that they made it look like it was done in a single take was a masterstroke. It was beautifully filmed, and almost every frame could be a painting. Well worth the time. 

I also just watched “Soul” on Disney+. There was a lot reminiscent of “Inside Out” in “Soul,” but “Soul” was a much quieter, more existential film. I liked it a lot, but it wasn’t one of Pixar’s best outings. 

I watched George Clooney’s “The Midnight Sky” the other day. It was a long, dreadfully slow, and ultimately pointless film. I did not care for it. Most of the other films I’ve watched this year were fairly forgettable. 

They were titles on streaming services that have been out a few years, but never generated a lot of noise. 

Television: 

I watched a ton of television this year. What the hell else was I going to do, right? I’m sure most of you are in the same boat. Anyhow, I have long believed that TV has become superior to films in the last few years. Better characters, better stories, and the time to tell those stories. I prefer episodic television to just about anything film has given us in the past few years, so here’s what I was watching this year.

--“19-2” (purchase four season on Amazon Prime):  If you’ve watched “Letterkenny” on Hulu, then you must be familiar with Jared Keeso, who plays the central character Wayne. Keeso won some awards for a Canadian cop drama called “19-2” before he made “Letterkenny,” and I can understand why. This is a fairly dark, but realistic cop drama about the 19th Precinct in Montreal, Quebec, Canada, and deals with the new guy (Keeso) transferring into the precinct from a small town and dealing with his new partner (Adrian Holmes) and the rest of the flawed members of the station in addition to dealing with policing duties around the city. One thing I liked about the series is that it never got away from the day-to-day grind of policing in a big city. The characters’ story arcs had to be worked in around the calls and patrols. The first episode of the second season of “19-2” deals with the precinct responding to a school shooting. It is, by far, one of the finest hours of television I’ve ever seen. Chaotic and hurried, brutal and bloody. It’s everything that keeps your eyes glued to the set. There were only 38 episodes of “19-2,” but I could have watched another four seasons of it. It supplanted “The Shield” as my favorite cop drama. Well worth the time.

--“The Queen’s Gambit” (Netflix): I’m not going to add anything original to this that hasn’t already been written by other people. This highly lauded limited series was well-written and acted, and it actually made competitive chess interesting. Anna Taylor-Joy was excellent in the lead role, and the costumes and sets were fantastic.

--“The Uncanny Counter” (Netflix): My mother watches an insane amount of South Korean TV shows. I don’t know why. She is the butt of many jokes because of this. However, “The Uncanny Counter” is a pretty cool series that feels like an indie comic book. The premise is a group of Grim Reapers run a noodle shop and fight demons. However, the show is much more complex than that. The characters’ stories are all intertwined in odd ways, and it’s very watchable. 

--“Hospital Playlist” (Netflix): Another show my mother suggested was the sappy, and almost twee hospital show “Hospital Playlist.” This show is a fairly soft, airy, and cute little hospital drama about five doctors who have been friends since medical school. They’re all heads of their respective departments now, and they work at the Yulje Medical Center. While the show centers around the five main characters, there’s a whole slate of other doctors and interns who add to the story. Inevitably, the show is about life, love, and death—like any other hospital drama. However, the core group of friends also get together once a week and play music to relax, so there is a cutesy pop song at the end of the episodes that plays into a montage of that week’s story wrapping up. The characters in the show are very likeable, and that’s about the best thing this show has going for it. Each episode is like 90 minutes, and there are 12 episodes in the first season, but I watched them all, and I hate to admit it, but I’m interested in seeing what season 2 will bring.

--“Upload” (Amazon Prime): Greg Daniels of “The Office” fame created and produced this series about the Singularity, a hypothetical point in the future when we will be able to merge our consciousness with a computer, and thus physical death will mean we have a chance to live a digital afterlife where we can still interact with our loved ones on the earthly plane through VR. The show is funny and extremely intelligent. It’s satire and commentary wrapped up in a solid existential premise. 

--“Star Trek: Discovery” season 3 (CBS All Access): I’m not going to write a ton about ST:Disco, but I will say that season 3 is the first season that felt like “Star Trek” to me. It’s one of the few shows that I have actually looked forward to week-to-week.

--“The Mandalorian” season 2 (Disney+): Like ST:Disco, this is one of the few shows I actually looked forward to. The first couple of episodes felt like the series was in a bit of a rut, but the last three episodes made it all worthwhile. Total fanboy moments abounded. 

--“Ted Lasso” (Apple+TV): Strangely enough, a sitcom based on a single-premise joke from a series of Superbowl ads from a couple years ago is, hands-down, my favorite new show of 2020. Jason Sudeikis of SNL fame plays Ted Lasso, the former head coach of the Wichita Shockers college football team who is hired to be the head coach of FC Richmond, a Premier League Football team in England. Initially Ted is hired by the new owner of Richmond, who happened to have won the team from her ex-husband in a messy divorce. Her initial goal is to have Ted unknowingly destroy the team, but Ted’s boundless optimism and true concern and care for his players flips the script. This is the show that 2020 needed. It is funny and joyous, and it’s another feather in Bill Lawrence’s (Scrubs, Spin City, etc…) cap. I watched this show out of a sense of loyalty to Bill Lawrence, but I ended up LOVING it. The fact that Apple renewed “Ted Lasso” for two more seasons immediately is very telling about how good this show was. Highly, highly recommend.

Music: 

I barely listened to anything new this year. Not many bands I liked came out with a new record, and I was usually listening to podcasts or watching TV instead. However, there were two albums that came out year that I would note.

--Kyle Kinane, “Trampoline in a Ditch”: Kinane’s newest stand-up album, recorded in Madison, Wis., is a fun jaunt through Kinane’s weird sense of humor and excellent writing style. This record had me and my daughter laughing out loud on the day it came out, and I’ve listened to it several times since. Kinane’s writing is so good, I pick up subtle jokes on additional listenings. 

--Brett Newski, “Don’t Let the Bastards Get You Down”:  Milwaukee Dork Rocker Newski put out another solid album this year. Check out the video for “Wha’d Ya Got to Lose?”

Podcasts:

Spent a ton of time listening to podcasts at my third shift job. I’m not going to write a ton about them individually, but here’s the list of the podcasts that got the most listens from me:

--Gilbert Gottfried’s Amazing, Colossal Podcast --Fake Doctors, Real Friends --Timesuck --Scared to Death --Office Ladies --Unexplained --Lore --Cabinet of Curiosities --Haunted Locations

Books:

I probably read the fewest books I’ve read in ages this year. I’m usually good for 20-40 books a year, and this year—I just did not get there. I maybe read 12 books this year, and that bothers me. I just could not focus on reading. However, much of what I did read, I enjoyed. The best of those are as follows: --Craig Johnson, “Next to Last Stand” --CJ Box, “Winterkill” --Joe Ide, “IQ” --Sebastien de Castell, “Crownbreaker” --Douglas Preston & Lincoln Child, “Crooked River” Anyhow, I hope some of those media suggestions will bring you some joy. We sure could all use some in 2021, no doubt. In the meantime, do continue to stay safe and healthy. Take precautions. Don’t throw caution to the wind. My plans for 2021:  --Lose weight (as usual) --Finish the second Abe & Duff novel --Maybe finish another of the several novels on my desktop --Get a job I don’t hate --Make it to 2022 Here’s to hoping I have some good news about Abe & Duff in 2021. Thanks for reading, and Happy New Year. --Sean 

[agameforgoodchristians]

The Angel of Death (Hezekiah 3:18): A Misunderstood and Theologically Vital Non-Entity

It’s now time to address that scythe wielding, six winged, cherub whose coming heralds fear in the heart of humanity; 

[Read that reference again]

The black-robed psychopomp who culls and carries souls from this reality to the next; 

[Read that reference one more time]

The smoother of baby-breath and divine emissary of plug-pulling: the Angel of Death.

[Something doesn’t seem off to you?] 

Click here to read Hezekiah 3:18.

Death Angels in the Hebrew Bible/Old Testament

There is no “Angel of Death” in the Bible. Not really. 

There are multiple angels/messengers (מַלְאָךְ - ma’lak) in the Hebrew Bible who take lives, but none of them are ever called “THE angel of death."  Those angels have been mostly conflated into one being through Western literature and pop culture. These include:

The angel at Passover, the Destroyer (הַמַּשְׁחִית - masḥit), famous for killing the first-born in Egypt (c.f. Exodus 12) [We've written about this figure before]

The Adversary (הַשָּׂטָן - has-satan) in Job's story, who kills his family, as well as a stupid amount of his servants and animals,  and

The ever-present "angel of the Lord," who periodically is called to slaughter by the hundreds  (c.f. 2 Kings 19:35 and  2 Samuel 24:15-17).

Some argue that the Bible includes other mentions of savage seraphs, but each have textual issues. Proverbs 16:14 mentions "angels of death" (plural). However the context of the metaphor leaves open the possibly that these are not referring to divine beings, but court assassins/hit-men. Some interpret Job 33:22 as referring to “killers” or “dealers of death” who are angels. However, the Hebrew translation may be referring to death itself. 

But beyond arcane biblical nerdity (which we love), why is this even important? What is the deeper meaning or message that this all conveys? We believe it is this: In the Hebrew Bible/Old Testament, Death is not a function outside of God's control. 

In all of the cases above, the deaths are caused by beings whose actions are directed by God, or whose action is synonymous with God’s action. What do we mean (esp. that last part)? Re-read the story about the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah in Genesis 19. Gen 19:13 records the angels as saying that they will be the ones who destroy the region. However, Gen 19:24 places that action directly in the hands of YHWH. This is actually a reoccurring issue in the Hebrew Bible: a passage will sometimes say that an angel carried out an action acting on behalf of God, but will later say that it was handed by Godself. This happens in the Passover story, as well as the "angel of the Lord" narratives referenced above.

This is important, in part, because a shift took place in the biblical consciousness between the time of the Hebrew Bible and the Christian New Testament: 

People began to view the relationship between God and Death differently.

A New Outlook on Death

In antiquity, Jewish thought held no concept of life after death aside from residing in Sheol (the ubiquitous abode of the dead). When you died, you went to Sheol, and done. This is one of the reasons that the Hebrew Bible has little to no discussion of Hell and eternal punishment, or Heaven and eternal rewards as the New Testament does.

This theological pattern held until the fall of First Temple. A change in the view of the afterlife was influenced by interactions with the Assyrians, Babylonians, Medes, and Persians before, during, and after the Exiles. Because when the excrement hits the air conditioning, theology changes. Late in Second Temple Judaism (the second century B.C.E.) the change in afterlife theology (eschatology) can be seen in the rise and content of the apocalyptic literature of the era, including what made it into the Bible (c.f. Daniel, Ezekiel, Isaiah, Jeremiah, Joel, & Zechariah). 

By the time the New Testament was being written, these shift in eschatological thought had taken root, and are very apparent in the New Testament (NT). Overall the NT views death as the work of the devil/Satan (who also got a serious biblical makeover during this period, but that's a Card Talk for another day). The NT writers return to the Garden of Eden as the source of physical death in ways NEVER explicated in the Hebrew Bible (Eden is not mentioned in the Hebrew Bible outside of Genesis, and once in Ezekiel, but never in the ways the NT writers do. More on that below). To summarize the drastic shift we're explicating:

death became an enemy to God's plans, not a tool God employs.

Death became something that people feared in a new way. After the utter devastation at the hands of foreign invaders and the fall of the Temple, the people of God could no longer simply believe that their misfortune was completely at the hands of God. They wrestled with the concept of evil, especially deaths that seems untimely, insensible, and outside of God's ubiquitous kindness (c.f. Job, Ecclesiastes, Lamentations, Ezekiel, Daniel, Psalm 88 & 137). 

Religious thinkers and the common person returned to Genesis chapter 3 for answers. And Death was seen as a disruption of God's intended good for His creation, despite the overwhelming witness of the rest of the Torah. But if Death was now an enemy, death needed to be defeated. 

Coming Back from the Dead

One result in the war against Death was the belief that death is not the end, that Sheol was not the end: we, or at least the holy, will make a come back. During this era, the notion of the resurrection of the dead became a hotly contested source of theological debate. 

Consider Jesus' conversation with the Sadducees in Mark 12, which is predicated on their belief that there was no resurrection of the dead. Consider Paul's brilliant ploy while on trial before the Sanhedrin in Acts 23:6-10: he pits the resurrection-believing Pharisees against the resurrection-denying Sadducees in order to cause chaos and clear the room. That turned into a full-on brawl. 

The NT also records that during His ministry, Jesus brought a few people back from the dead. But (as we had beaten into us during in Sunday School) we should not confuse "resuscitation" with "resurrection": the former brings people back to life, but they die again. The latter is a perpetual state of eternal living. A distinction at the heart of the conversation between Jesus and Martha moments before He resuscitated His good friend Lazarus. It also reveals the import of the theological difference between the two, and the shifting paradigm of death between Old Testament and New.

When Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went and met him, while Mary stayed at home. Martha said to Jesus, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died. But even now I know that God will give you whatever you ask of him.” Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise again.” Martha said to him, “I know that he will rise again in the resurrection on the last day.” Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. Those who believe in me, even though they die, will live, and everyone who lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?” She said to him, “Yes, Lord, I believe that you are the Messiah, the Son of God, the one coming into the world.” (John 11:20-27)

Death, instead of a divinely dealt solution, has become a problem.

Enter Christ and the victory He brings through the Resurrection, defeating the Devil's death power.

The death of Death

Turn to Romans chapter 5 and Paul's discussion of the "first" and "second" Adam (Adam and Jesus respectively). Consider:

Therefore, just as sin came into the world through one man, and death came through sin, and so death spread to all because all have sinned (vs 12) . . . But the free gift is not like the trespass. For if the many died through the one man’s trespass, much more surely have the grace of God and the free gift in the grace of the one man, Jesus Christ, abounded for the many. (vs 15) . . . If, because of the one man’s trespass, death exercised dominion through that one, much more surely will those who receive the abundance of grace and the free gift of righteousness exercise dominion in life through the one man, Jesus Christ. 

Therefore just as one man’s trespass led to condemnation for all, so one man’s act of righteousness leads to justification and life for all. For just as by the one man’s disobedience the many were made sinners, so by the one man’s obedience the many will be made righteous. But law came in, with the result that the trespass multiplied; but where sin increased, grace abounded all the more, so that, just as sin exercised dominion in death, so grace might also exercise dominion through justification leading to eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.  (vs 17-21)

The power of the Resurrection over death is something the New Testament can't stop taking about it:

Since, therefore, the children share flesh and blood, He Himself likewise shared the same things, so that through death he might destroy the one who has the power of death, that is, the devil, and free those who all their lives were held in slavery by the fear of death (Hebrews 2:14,15).

 He who does what is sinful is of the Devil, because the Devil has been sinning from the beginning. The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the Devil's work (1 John 3:8).

 When I saw him, I fell at his feet as though dead. But he placed his right hand on me, saying, “Do not be afraid; I am the first and the last, and the living one. I was dead, and see, I am alive forever and ever; and I have the keys of Death and of Hades. (Revelation 1:17-18)

1 Corinthians 15 stands as Paul's grand treatise on the Resurrection of Christ, the hope of the saved, the present and future work to be done, and it's power to conquer death. It contains many "THE RESURRECTION IS AWESOME AND KICKS DEATH'S BUTT!" statements including:

But in fact Christ has been raised from the dead, the first fruits of those who have died. For since death came through a human being, the resurrection of the dead has also come through a human being; for as all die in Adam, so all will be made alive in Christ.(vs 20-22)

Death has been swallowed up in victory. / Where, O death, is your victory? / Where, O death, is your sting?” (vs 55)

The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. (vs 56-57) 

 Amen. 

While we began this post years ago, and began revising it months ago, today is day after Easter Sunday. 

'Nuff Said

World without end. 

[journeysintowebcomics]

Homestuck Liveblog #159

UPDATE 159: A List of What Went Wrong

Last time John had started experimenting with his retcon powers. He has managed to arrive to different moments during Homestuck but none of those moments are useful for the purposes of stopping widespread death. So let’s continue!

Since typing blindly on a keyboard until managing to write Hamlet by sheer force of luck is something John wouldn’t like to do, he decides to be more practical: ask for help. The problem is that since John’s powers are rather unique, there aren’t many options regarding who to ask for help. Dave? This isn’t time-travel. Rose? Well she’s better prepared, in my opinion, but John isn’t sure what Rose’s powers even are. So instead he focuses on Terezi.

JOHN: i think i understand what she was trying to do now!  JOHN: she was trying to give me a way to come back.  JOHN: like, zero in on her thought signal, or something.  JOHN: terezi, you're a genius!  JOHN: i mean, you're a weirdo! but you're also a genius!!

Ah, you got it now, John! Yeah, I supposed Terezi was trying to do something like that. So is it here where the passwords come to mind? John is going to return to each moment and change what happened there? The passwords go all the way to a quite early part of the story, hmmm...well what matters is that a plan may be forming here!

Terezi didn’t leave any instructions regarding how this is supposed to be done. Thanks a lot, Terezi, you a pal. Well she was also bleeding to death and generally under a lot of stress, so no one should blame her. John isn’t going to let the lack of instructions bother him, though, he is going to try very hard now. “There’s no place like home...” he thinks so hard Terezi’s face appears on his forehead. Maybe try to think it with numbers, John? It’s worth a try.

Oh! So it wasn’t the entire phrase, it was just the last word! No wonder the password didn’t work when I was trying it. It’s good it didn’t work; I’d have missed quite some stuff.

The reader is immediately taken to the part of Homestuck where they have to input the password, so here I go. ‘HOME’. And it works! John appears right beside John and Terezi, mission accomplished. A whole mountain of possibilities has just opened now.

While one John stares at the one that just arrived, Terezi is simply amazed her plan actually worked. The plan can start...but not right now, because Hussie has other things to show. Hm. Okay. Fine, that’s fine, I guess. A bit of a loss of momentum, but it’s fine. The point of view changed to Meenah and Vriska.

They’re visiting a psychedelic amusement park none of them know what is for. The Dark Carnival? Maybe Gamzee’s work, this could be? It isn’t like anyone particularly cares, not even Vriska, although she had been the one to wonder. After all, the dead bubbles are a collage of memories from a few quadrillion people, who knows which ones made this place pop up of the ground like a daisy. What matters to Vriska and Meenah is that they’re here, just shooting the breeze.

It isn’t like they have anything better to do, so they decide to just play with the attractions until something else happens. The afterlife can be boring, I suppose. They don’t want to ride anything –come on, there’s a rollercoaster here! —so instead they wonder if they should get a tattoo. Alright, I see...hmmmmmmmm...okay, time out. I’m going to be honest here.

You know this sensation when you know the finish line is not too far away so you’re running as fast as possible to reach it, hoping to not to dredge through minor stuff that at the end may not matter that much? It’s kind of a botched metaphor, but you get what I’m trying to say? Honestly that’s how I’m feeling about Homestuck right now. It has been a long journey, and there are less than a thousand pages left. I have felt like lately something Homestuck had during most of its time here is lacking right now. I can’t pinpoint what it is, exactly, but that’s what I feel. Given the many hiatuses Homestuck went through – and I think I just went through the part where the gigapause had happened – I don’t think it’d be a stretch to think Hussie lost some form of inspiration during the pauses. Don’t get me wrong, there are parts of what I have been reading recently that I like. Really, there are! But other times...yeah, I feel like I’m starting to persevere with this story if only to finish Homestuck and say I did.

It’s depressing to feel that, honestly, because I like Homestuck and I have many good memories with it. I’m hoping I’ll like more what’s left of this webcomic. Maybe this is...what being ‘burned out’ means. It can’t be because I have been reading Homestuck for a year and eight months, because I read Scary Go Round for almost that same amount of time and I didn’t feel burned out. I just...I don’t know. Onwards, I’ll keep going.

Question, who is going to give you a tattoo? Yourselves? Who knows, for all these gals know inside there’s a copy of Kankri who is going to fill their backs with a diatribe spanning eleven paragraphs written in 3 pt Arial, hah! That’d be a bit funny. Meenah gets Vriska to decide to get a tattoo, it’ll be nautical themed, they bond. Good for Vriska and Meenah! And Aranea...well I suppose Meenah has left her friendship with Aranea behind, she didn’t even mention her in name when she referenced Aranea. I wonder what the Aranea that recently died is going.

And that’s it here, back to John and Terezi. John hasn’t gotten used to talking to himself like this. The First One is confused by what’s going on, just like anyone would be, and asks what’s going on. The Actual John doesn’t mince any words, he straight out says this:

(JOHN): so, what does that actually mean for me?  (JOHN): what am i supposed to do now?  JOHN: i don't know what it means.  JOHN: unfortunately, you may not be relevant anymore.  JOHN: i'm the john who is learning to use his flashy powers to reconstruct the time line, so that responsibility is on my shoulders now, not yours.  JOHN: sorry, i am just keeping it real! 

Oh, ouch! “You’re not relevant anymore”, paraphrasing. That’s a rough thing to say and to be told! The First John is at a loss, unsure of what he should do. As long as it isn’t bleeding out in the desert like a certain troll did, the First John is at liberty to do what he thinks is right, in my opinion. The Actual John tells him to go see Typheus in the off-chance it’ll lead this all to be a stable loop – somehow – and that’s that. Goodbye, First John! Sorry for hijacking your life!

Now that there’s only one John in the vicinity, the plan has to be discussed. Terezi has more or less an idea of how this is supposed to be: return to moments where mistakes were done and undo/stop them from happening in the first place. I like that plan, that’s a good plan! And since the retcon power won’t make everything be doomed, there shouldn’t be negative repercussions here. Terezi can think of a few moments to return to...moments when she made mistakes. Huh. Say, now that I think about it: could it be enough to return to two critical moments like not losing the Ring of Life and stopping Jade from falling under the Condesce’s control? The latter would be very difficult, though. I don’t see how that’d be done.

JOHN: yeah, i know what you mean.  JOHN: when i try to think of what to fix...  JOHN: all i can do is look back on what i did wrong. 

That’s natural. Hindsight is always 20/20, and I think fixing your own mistakes is a good start, for both of you. Losing the ring is the first thing in John’s mind, good. That’s the first problem to solve.

JOHN: really, what do we do?  JOHN: do i go back to when we were just starting to play the game, and give us some advantages? 

Hmmmm...no, too vital. Too many things would change if John does that, and I don’t think they’d be for the better. In my opinion, anything before the moment the three year trip on the golden spaceship started should be left untouched.

JOHN: when you start looking back and realizing how interrelated everything is, it starts feeling like an overwhelming job to fix it.  JOHN: on the one hand, you don't want to change so much that the reality you create is barely recognizable.  JOHN: you want to keep everything as similar as possible, so you get to keep all the lessons you learned and the important experiences you had with your friends.  JOHN: but on the other hand...  JOHN: if you aren't going to change something substantial enough to make a real difference, why bother at all?  JOHN: it's like, go big or go home, you know?  JOHN: sort of a catch 22 when you think about it. 

Yeah, you get it, John! Everyone is lucky the person who has this ability is someone with a certain amount of prudence and maybe common sense. But Terezi isn’t listening to anything at all, focused on her own work. She’s writing with her own blood on her own scarf. You know, classic Terezi stuff! She does this kind of thing all the time. I think you’ll never stop thinking Terezi is weird as heck, John, hahaha.

Terezi has managed to make a list of instructions for John to follow. Time to solve her mistakes, I’d say! Using her Seer of Mind powers, Terezi seems to have been able to remember her thoughts during a few moments of the story, if I understand how this plan works.

TEREZI: 3V3RY CH4NG3 1 4M T3LL1NG YOU TO M4K3 W1LL H4V3 1NCR3D1BLY SUBTL3 CONS3QU3NC3S  TEREZI: HOW3V3R, TH3Y W1LL B3 4BSOLUT3LY 3SS3NT14L FOR CR34T1NG 4 MOR3 F4VOR4BL3 OUTCOM3  TEREZI: BUT ONLY 1F YOU FOLLOW MY 1NSTRUCT1ONS TO TH3 L3TT3R, NO QU3ST1ONS 4SK3D! 

In other words, John is going to use the Butterfly Effect through Homestuck. With some luck nothing of this will have to end with never having to meet Rose, Dave and Jade in order to save their lives. I don’t remember the exact moments the passwords prompts were, but I think I saw five or six throughout Homestuck. Were all of them in moments when Terezi was around? I don’t really remember.

John is ordered to take the scarf and do what it says, no questions! So of course he immediately asks questions. The mood is lighter than before, most likely because there’s a possibility of solving what went wrong. All that remains is follow that scarf.

You know, John is right, this is a lot like when Terezi gave him a map to follow. He’s leaving the fate of the whole session up to Terezi instead of just his own life. That’s a nice reference to past events, and this time he isn’t going to be killed by the denizen. Hopefully! Terezi grabs blue chalk because that’s the color John was assigned by Hussie once he was created and...

...well that’s a bit morbid! As if John needed more proof positive that you’re extremely weird, Terezi. Once she tosses the chalk at John so he can do what needs to be done Terezi decides this is a good moment to finish bleeding out. Quite convenient timing! Trolls sure are a resilient bunch.

JOHN: god, you are so fucking weird.

Understatement, John! She crossed the line of weird and total nutcase a long time ago. And the whole fate of the session(s) depends on her and her plans! Isn’t that a cheery thought? Haha, well, it isn’t like there are any better options available. Put all these lives in her now dead hands, John! What could go wrong?

In Calliope’s little pocket dimension – dream bubble, you get the point—Jane has arrived. She looks completely normal, no signs of being controlled by the Condesce. How do people keep finding this place, I have to wonder. Is Calliope summoning them here? Is it an accident?

JANE: Apologies for the intrusion,  JANE: But I seem to be lost.  JANE: Could you please tell me where I am?

Ahaha, is that so? Did you turn left in the Land of Brains and Fire, crossed the stairs until you got to the dungeons of Derse, and then walked forward until you got here? For a place that’s as hidden as possible so Lord English doesn’t find it, people sure have a propensity of stumbling here. Maybe it’s something the Doomed Calliope did.

Calliope is ecstatic to see one of her friends. Hello, Jane! Fancy meeting you in the good ol’ emptiness! Jane is understandable taken aback by the sudden show of friendship Calliope was about to do, but since everyone in Homestuck has a color and a symbol associated to them, she manages to identify this stranger as Calliope. It’s meeting time...

...but for the next time. See you soon!

Next update: next time

[hanisaway]

50 q’s & my a’s

1. Zodiac sign. I am a Leo! Hence, my url.  2. Sexual orientation. Straight. Really straight. 3. Relationship status. Crushing on someone, but it’s never gonna happen. 4. Someone you miss. I really miss my grandmas -- one’s in Manila & the other is in heaven. 5. Person who’s arms you’d like to be in. My mouth is shut. 6. What you find attractive in Men/Women? I have long answered this question & here’s a few physical things that I find attractive in both guys and girls: eyebrows, smile, hair, height & eyes. I also find people who move really well (if that makes any sense) attractive. I can’t describe it; It’s just something that draws me into someone. 7. How tall are you? Quite tall here in the PH. 5′6. 8. What you love about yourself? My skills, I guess.  9. What you’re doing tomorrow? I’m going to school. Hopefully, it wouldn’t be too boring. 10. What are your future plans? I’m going to college to be a psychologist/psychiatrist. But that’s only Plan B ifever my plans of becoming a writer doesn’t happen.  11. Your last night out in detail. Um. Last night (Valentine’s Day) with my parents at a really nice restaurant. Yum. 12. Your favourite book. It’s a guilty pleasure, but it’s Meant To Be by... I forgot who wrote it but this teen book is absolutely delightful. I wanted to say the Harry Potter series, but that’s cheating because it includes 7 books. So, I guess, after HP, it’s Meant To Be. 13. All of pets you’ve ever had. We had a lot of dogs before, but most of them died and left us with two. We had two goldfish once; One died from overfeeding, the other died from getting stuck in a starfish toy in the bowl. We also owned a bird once. That bird flew away. 14. Something that changed your life. Going to Digos instead of staying in Manila. It was a big change for me back then, but now it, admittedly, is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. 15. Do you remember your last dream? It involved Star Wars and death. 16. What your last text message says? “Who u.” Classy. 17. Do you respect your government and the way your country is run? I agree with some things our President has took action on, but I do disagree with some other things he’s said and done.  18. Where you would like to live? I have always wanted to go to London and experience the gloomy British weather, see the Stonehenge, and do British shit like that. I have no idea why, but ever since I popped out of my mom’s womb, I’ve always wanted to visit. 19. Your  favourite flavour of ice cream. Cookies and cream. 20. Last thing you ate. Grilled pork. 21. Which swear word do you use the most? Shit. 22. Your plans for summer. Draw a lot, mostly with my drawing tablet. Also write a lot. Try to get thinner. 23. Any upcoming concerts? Not soon. 24. Something that you’re proud of. My accomplishments as an officer in the student government at school. 25. Do you still talk to your first crush? Well, no, not really. He’s in Australia. 26. What language do you want to learn? French. I tried Duolingo once and got tired of learning and so I quit. Lmao. 27. Where you  have lived before? Laguna, PH. 28. Eye color. Brown. A dark brown. Like, almost black. 29. Favourite style of clothing. T-shirts, plaid or denim shirt, black skinny jeans, signature Converse. 30. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning? 30 minutes, tops. 31. Where did you go today? School. 32. Where are you right now? In bed. 33. How many countries have you visited? Two, so far. The Philippines and China (Hong Kong) 34. Something old. My earrings. I’ve been wearing this since I was a young one, probably 1st Grade. 35. Something new. My drawing tablet that I will be using a lot this summer! 36. Something inherited. My height. 37. Is death more scary than life? I don’t know for sure, but it’s far less exciting, I think. Life’s scary because it’s unpredictable and I never know what’s gonna happen during my time here, but I know there’s going to be a lot of happy moments. Meanwhile, death is the end. I don’t know if there is an afterlife (I sure do hope there is), but for me, death is scary because it is inevitable. 38. Experience you’ll never forget. Climbing to Lantawan with my friends. 39. What’s your favorite part about today so far? Hanging out with friends during school. I enjoy talking to them and laughing and teasing and fooling around.  40. Who is your hero? This may sound corny, but my parents. They’re the real superheroes in my life. 41. Are you happy with where you live? Yes. It may not be as advanced as the other cities but I enjoy the moderate amount of buildings to balance with nature. 42. Do you like your handwriting? Yes. 43. What do you wear to bed? An old t-shirt and shorts. 44. Tea or coffee? Coffee. 45. Chocolate or Vanilla? Vanilla. 46. Are you excited for anything? Summerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. 47. How late did you stay up last night and why? 12 midnight because I was watching Youtube videos and printing my assignment. 48. What’s your ringtone? I don’t know. My phone’s on vibrate all the time. 49. Did you have a dream last night? Yes. 50. What keeps you going each day? The future.