#*points to when it happened to me irl & how i got erased out of my own identity and the thrown back into the straight category for being bi

[coolauntlilith]

I do block blogs calling a canon bisexual character gay/lesbian. No I don't see it as a blanket term kind of way, yall have made sure of that.

[thatdeadaquarius]

SAGAU / Isekai Genshin:

You can still use your characters! ... as in possessing them 👻

(all art by me down below, hope its decent lol - did it for u guys and myself i mean what )

Edit 9/7/23: 1,500+ NOTES??? BRO WHAT!! THABK YOU <3

Edit 12/24/23 + 4/5/24:

☆

My dumbass forgot to put this here .-.

Anywya this is a full length fanfic now ;)

PART 1 (you're here!) / Part 2

So.

You got sucked into a video game. 

Crazy, but it happens ¯\_ (ツ)_/¯

yknow how it issss

...you very quickly discover that unfortunately video game rules still apply...

which wouldn't normally be an issue! like, needing to use the bathroom in the middle of a fight? Nope! minor cuts and bruises like papercuts, only actual enemies or fall damage counting? hell yeah that'd be great (theoretically no chronic pains if you got that?? hmmmm unsure)

see the issue comes when you realize, you as a player, don't have a "character" that's all your own

there's aether/lumine yeah.. but bc the game's real now, they're their own people, and you didn't wake up to find yourself as a blonde twin...

the closest you can describe your form as is .. like a seelie?

or like the way ghosts look in game?

but a lot more "starry"

like your specterlike, but you look like you got filled up with stars and the milky way, maybe a reference of you being from another universe/world? (aether/lumine/dainsleif/khaenriah star symbol reference secret thEORY-)

but yah.

you also got just, white eyes.

like, not iris, not pupil. like your pupil and iris got erased

you gotta admit, at least you look really aesthetic now.

(u also got a little cape and hood on at all times, and you cant take it off to see your starrified hair >:/ ,very Blue Diamond-esque, look up Steven Universe, Blue Diamond if you dont know who im talking about)

so needless to say, as soon as you sort of glitched your way into existence you were HYPE

i mean ur ACTUALLY IN TEYVAT WITH THE BOYSSSS

...then you realize your a spooky-no-character-to-pilot-around-thus-no-character-model-body-for-you thingy

and that you cant touch stuff!! >:(

like wth!!!

thats just downright unfair.

so, you figure if you got no body to be.... you gotta find a new "character" to pilot >:)

...

I choose you, yellow fungi!

...

....

you're in the fucking woods (Sumeru somewhere obv, u knew that the moment you opened ur eyes),

what'd you expect?? an archon??

..wait a minute. can you possess an archon-

these kinda thoughts plague your first few days of irl genshin impact playing

a rishabold tiger? yep.

a sumpter beast? kinda slow and heavy feeling but yeah.

...you also try a ruin machine LOL

by far, the fungi and ruin machines are the best to possess, mostly because you can remain upright with those

(tho u did find some type of flying monkey that wasnt in game, but its like,, a real world and jungle now so that makes sense there'd be more complexity + stuff)

you do eventually think you should try and possess a person at this point... but ur kinda nervous 👉👈

its ur first time doin this okay nobody explained the basics to you youve been winging for a week now!

will your mind be replaced with theirs? it hasn't been so far with the creatures/bots

and as far as you can tell, they kinda just-

forget what happened or "wake up" after you possess them

(the tiger you were for a day looked confused as hell when it realized that there was a new pile of fruit next to it when it "woke up", it was your way of saying thank you to the animals of the jungle, u left them little piles of food you collected running around as them)

so THEORHETICALLY-

you should be good to go and possess a random poor eremite

... you figure you want to possess something human-like eventually even if you get a puppet body like wanderer/raiden so...

here goes nothing...

♤

so it's been 2 weeks since you've been forcefully yanked into teyvat, and by the second week, you were trying to possess eremites

which! worked out!

mostly..!

you kinda convinced the entirety of two eremite camps that a certain part one of sumeru's forests is hella haunted bc ppl keep "blacking out" and doing things they don't remember doing, yknow... like possesssion LMAO

they kinda ran off to escape you but, hey!

experiment #2: people possession, success!!

now you were kinda convinced of this when you realized no matter the angle the animals and machines of sumeru didnt react to you getting super close to them (you dont have to touch something to posses it, just look at it really, but you wanted to test limits, so you walked up to sumpter beasts and fungi and ruin machines)

but no one can see you.

you don't have a "character" most of the time, you can float and glide around the ground like scaramouche lol

you cant touch stuff bc of this, you cant smell stuff (u saw the eremites campfires & couldnt smell the smoke until you were them)

you cant eat stuff w/o a body, so.. it makes sense that the eremites and passing merchants, cant see you when you float around, trying to reorient yourself after 2 weeks of experimenting

:( ur only a lil sad about it... but mostly not bc lol u got possession powers so trade off u guess

the first time you see a vision-bearer you literally scream

LMAO

ur so lucky u cant be seen or heard

bc Collei would have def screamed back lol

needless to say u stalk the forest ranger- ALL DAY.

Collei goes on patrol around the woods? you go on a patrol.

collei goes to visit other forest rangers? you "visit" other forest rangers at base (lol u def possess a guy who was asleep on a bench nearby & wake up to go talk to Collei "in-person", poor guy was so worried he sleep walked/talked so hard he went to see Tighnari an hour later lmao)

welp, you decide this is your life now, follow Collei everywhere, talk one-sided to Collei until you can possess a forest ranger w/o it being suspicious (dont wanna turn the poor rangers into the terrified eremites from a week or two ago...)

then, after you get the courage and erase the paranoia that tighnari can just... somehow hear your ghostly bullshit-

u do the same to Tighnari (then Cyno when he visits! no u didnt squeal, so what, nobody can hear you- )

♧

Tighnari begins to get suspicious about 3 weeks into this routine.

he's been starting to collect and start a file on all the rangers or nearby villagers that've started randomly "blacking out/sleep walking" in the evenings usually

(u possess as close to nighttime as u can so it seems like sleepwalking)

So when Cyno comes back from a mission gone wrong,

having nearly been decapitated by a rogue flying ruin machine, only to black out and come to standing calmly 10 feet further than he remembered being 1 minute ago...

Tighnari's suspicions are confirmed, and he launches into researching this phenomenon.

his first thought is something like the aranara, but that doesn't account for the effect this thing is having on people

after all, what little forest spirit is strong enough to-

-control humans??

Tighnari begins to get the sense he's in over his head after he finds himself pushed into going into Sumeru City in order to collect more library books or ask around if the blackouts have spread to the city people

he answer is negative, on both accounts.

and he spends about one half of the day walking around, and the other reading up all he can on mythical creatures or ailments

Tighnari gives up for the day, and as he makes his way back to Ghandarvaville, he almost gets ambushed by some particularly nasty muggers

...and then he wakes up 20 feet away, his denro vision thrumming with power, full of worry and fondness for himself??, (just like Cyno said he felt happen to him..)

...Tighnari decides he needs reinforcements.

YOU GUYS-

UR LOCAL ZODIAC SIGN OBSESSED W/GENSHIN HIT A CHARACTER LIMIT ON A POST FINALLY. 😦

??? THIS WOULDVE BEEN LONGER BUT I BARELY GOT SPACE FOR THIS- I- EVEN THE QIQI POST DIDNT HIT LIMIT-

uh cya ig!!

Safe travels lmao,

💀♒️

♡the beloveds♡

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist @revonie / @hat-on-a-cat / @takottai / @sickly-falling (?) / @iruiji

(Sorry about the late tag! I forgot to update my taglist before i posted this 💀 my bad guys)

Also if the people who got put there who i couldnt find a blog for see this, idk what went wrong ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ - maybe check and see if ur setting for "being able to be searched/looked up" is turned on?? Idk man

[courtney-deserved-better]

thoughts on the gen2 cast? hope ur having a lovely valentines day btw!

thank you! i had to work on valentines day but my coworkers had a little dance party and passed out chocolates and flowers and it was very sweet. anyway here are my thoughts:

anne maria - love her!! she's so fun and deserved better. i feel like i struggle to write her though

b - he also deserved better. trans and deaf king in my heart

brick - i feel like we'd get along irl. also deserved better but it was nice that he was respected for his elim by mike zoey cam

cameron - i wish i liked him more but he annoys me at times. has some great funny moments!

dakota - not a fan of the dakotazoid arc but i enjoyed her before that. i hc her and anne maria as latina and like to think they would chat in spanish while getting ready in the bathroom and sometimes mike (who i hc as latino) will join in (i love spanish-speaking hcs if you can't tell)

dawn - wish we got to see more of her. wish she was eviller. wish she had a proper rivalry with scott.

jo - she's so funny!! i feel like i struggle to write her too. if only i could get a better handle on her and anne maria i would write more jomaria

lightning - at first i thought he was annoying but now ive realized hes so fucking funny i wish he wasn't made a villain though that felt very shoehorned in

mike - pretty neutral, don't have a lot of dislikes when it comes to him but don't have a ton of likes either. i think if there was more time to explore his personality outside of his did i would enjoy him more (i would also love to see more of his alters they're so silly) he needs more screentime to just be mike outside of zoke and his did (but i understand why that didn't happen in a 13 ep season) (also that's not to erase his did i think that's an important part of him but for most of the show it feels like its the ONLY part of him) (this is a lot of description for a character im pretty neutral on. anyways)

sam - another character that annoyed me at first before i realized how delightfully silly he is

scott - funny scheming bastard man. wish we got to see a bit more sympathetic side to him

staci - pretty neutral, there's not much to go off of in canon but ive read some interesting headcanons/reworks of her personality

zoey - hmm. complicated. i would like her more if the narrative didn't overly favor her and could point out when she was being judgmental (and if she actually had growth, i read this great analysis years ago about how zoey as a character never internally changes from her first appearance to her last) it also bugs me how she has all these skills simply to serve the plot with no real explanation (i have a similar problem with julia but that's a post for another day)

[poorticklishsoles]

When I was around 10, I searched for the word "tickling" on Google and stumbled upon a guy face down, feet tied together to the bed, getting his feet methodically tickled with fingers and a small electric toothbrush. This was my introduction to what would later become my seemingly lifelong attachment to this kink we all share. I can still hear the exact sound of that toothbrush in my brain, but sadly the video has been erased with no trace of it online. (It was called Ken's Feet Get Tickled if anyone has it)

Throughout the years, while growing up, I knew there was something weird about liking this stuff. It seems like I also became attached to feet from that video, and I soon became very fascinated and almost obsessed with finding these so-called "tickle videos" online. Soon enough, I realized it made me feel funny, and at that point where tickling, feet, and bondage became full-on fetishes for me.

I spent even more time after this realization digging deeper into the topic and trying to figure out just how many other people were like me. There were times when I felt really alone and strange... and sad while growing up because although I knew there were people like me online, they all happened to be much older, and I was not of the age where I could meet anyone anyway. I ended up signing up for forums with like-minded people, creating a kink Instagram account, and desperately searching for people like myself. I just remember thinking, "Why am I such a freak for being into this stuff so young." I would have to wait much longer to realize this is common for many more people than I initially thought.

I got supper excited when I turned 18. I thought, "wow I can finally get out there and explore this stuff safely!" I was pumped to be out there and meet cool people that I could become friends with. That was important for me. I feel like I never could properly engage with my kinks if I wasn't friends with the person first... So I decided to make friends.

I met so many incredible people through Instagram, as I thought that that was where the largest group of people in the community were. (I didn't know about Tumblr yet) One of whom became my best friend. I met ticklewitchjess on Instagram back last year. What amazed me about her was our ability to talk about things outside the kink. We formed a genuine friendship. I learned about her favorite color, how she loves thunderstorms like me, some of her trauma, how she cosplayed, and how she loved to learn things even if they were random because of her adhd... I learned that we had many similar interests in the tickling tropes out there. We roleplayed... A lot. I learned that she was an absolutely gifted writer from that, and I genuinly feel like my own writing improved as a result.

We talked everyday like that for a few months... From morning to when we would go to sleep... but one day she told me....she told everyone that she had to take a step back for personal reasons and take a break from her kink account. We talked for the last time and I gave her my last bit of support. I hope one day she does come back when shes in a better place... 

I never thought I'd have a connection like that with someone ever again... And for the most part I was correct, at least for just under a year. One night I again got in my feels about not having any real connection with anyone, now at the age of 20. I genuinely felt sad and depressed that I wasnt getting to explore my kink irl and even felt jealousy when id see tickle vids with 18 and 19 year olds having such a fun time. I ended up sending around 6 or 7 copy pasted greetings that night just to see if anyone would respond. I was about to send the same thing to a person I found that was super far away from me but instead I decided to switch it up and be genuine. And that's how I met @tklish-princess

We started chatting, taking our time at first, but eventually speeding up when we realized we had so much in common! Over time we flirted with the idea of meeting up and I honestly still can't believe we made it work. That's right! I had my first meet up ever! It wasn't just sessions though. We stayed together in the same Airbnb for a full week, essentially living together, and she showed me all around. We even got to do some super fun stuff further away from the town. It was just such an amazing time and Ari was just so sweet and kind to me that I was just constantly melting. I've never really been to college yet so I never got to have the experience of like..really being on my own and living with someone so I can't lie and say I wasn't a little nervous, but as soon as we met and hugged all that went away.

As you've probably seen on her post we did have sessions...some of which were recorded, and we'll be dropping teases as time goes by 🤭. I'm super excited for that and I'm super excited to finally say I have a real tickle partner in my life now! She has the cutest little feet and toes and even her hands are cute and ticklish 🥺.. I'm quite literally obsessed. She's such a sensitive little tickle bug but also a pretty evil ler...which surprised me because when we started talking she claimed to be 90% lee....yeah no. Youll see soon enough that that's not the case. I truly believe I found the best and it was 100% worth the wait.

So Ari...thanks for making this stubborn little dream of mine come true. I love you, and I can't wait to see you again.. 😇

TLDR: I MET AN AMAZING PERSON IN THE COMMUNITY IRL AND SHE'S MY BEST FRIEND NOW AND IM SUPER HAPPY 😄

[frasermints]

For the ask game, every multiple of 5.

bestie that's so many

5: what does your latest text from someone else say?

"This robot is trying so hard" in response to a youtube shorts link i sent

10: when is the last time you played the air guitar?

people actually do this??

15: do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

behind. always. i fucking hate getting my picture taken. froggie can attest to this after she made me get after i got BeReal

20: what is your greatest weakness; greatest strength?

damn we're going with the serious ones tonight aren't we? i like to think that, in face-to-face irl situations, i'm a good listener. i just fucking suck at responding. especially after my covid infection, i can't brain-to-mouth words anymore. the edit feature on imessage has helped this significantly since 99% of my interactions happen over that text platform but hooooooly shit i'm so bad at speaking

25: do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

i really like facetime but i fucking HATE looking at myself in the little window so i'll usually point it directly at my ceiling unless it's with One Specific Friend, mostly bc she's already seen me naked so her seeing me at Not My Best isn't a big deal and also like. idk i just fucking Hate My Face lol

30: stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? do the same with your left.

since i'm in bed and the only thing to my right is... the air. pumpkin is directly in FRONT of my right arm so i'll go with that. my phone is in front of my left arm.

35: to you, what is the meaning of life?

dude i don't even know. fuck around and find out. see more than twelve thousand trees. don't tell your friends they do too much yoga. own a cat. have at least one sex-induced medical emergency. confuse a seagull for an eagle when you're high as shit and get laughed at for it. drink a truly on the beach and watch the tide come in. eat so many cherries you shit yourself forty five minutes later and don't regret a single second of it. buy all of the notebooks you see in the bookstore and don't write in any of them. sleep outside when it's warm enough. take care of a houseplant. go far enough away from the city to actually SEE the stars. work with children. cry because of a dumb movie. breathe.

40: do you drive? if so, have you ever crashed?

yes: coming home from the seattle/tacoma metro area i got hit by someone going 90mph (145 kph) on the interstate. genuinely thought i was fish food that day.

45: what's the worst injury you've ever had?

probably the time i attempted rifle and caught it w/ my skull instead of my hands.

50: do you believe in magic?

eh

55: love or lust?

insert "why not both" gif

60: is there anything pink within ten feet of you?

yes, a couple things. a couple of bowls, a bag of potting soil, my sharps containers, some animal shaped erasers, a solid 50% of my sex toys are pink for some reason.

65: top five favorite blogs on tumblr?

peach, froggie, lou, steph, and vati

70: are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend?

i would choke me out without hesitation i do not understand how froggie tolerates me to be honest with you

75: what are the last four digits of your phone #

what are you a cop???

80: what size shoes do you wear

i don't know bc it's changed since i've started t and now none of my shoes fit

85: what's the last song you listened to?

i wanna get better by bleachers (title of my current wip comes from this song!)

90: you wake up to find that you're surrounded by mummies. they aren't doing anything, just standing around your bed. what do you do?

assume i'm dreaming and try to go back to bed

95: you just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. you have to depart right now. where are you going to go?

do i HAVE to??? i don't have a passport and i don't like airports :(

[matrixwhore]

.

idk if i’m being ridiculous. i truly just don’t know if im being ridiculous so i’m venting, but idk if im fucking being ridiculous. it’s hard to tell sometimes bc i feel sooo misunderstood is mostly it, but i also feel so alienated. i don’t feel like talking anymore. about really anything irl. im gonna be vague with this but i have invisible disabilities and trauma that make it so i don’t have much to give anymore. my energy is depleted. my energy reserve is depleted. i don’t have stored energy i have whatever i get from whatever sleep i get, if i even wake up with any energy, i have whatever’s left after my disabilities and trauma take what’s apparently theirs and not mine. i don’t have energy, but i still have to live and be an adult. and i’ve been dealing with this for a long time. im not optimistic about where things can go from here. and i think people just want to talk and say what they think and come up with all these build-it-yourself solutions that don’t play out that way for people like me. they want it simple and it’s not. it’s fucking twisted and complex. and i’m so, so tired. i’m tired of talking. i don’t want to talk to anyone around me and go in circles and leave feeling like it’ll never matter bc it’s easier for them to say i just want to be this way then, instead of the help isnt out there and it seems impossible to actually get what people like me need then what??? what do we do as a people?? what happens when we’re so without what we need and no one wants to give it and not enough ppl want to (or even can) do what it takes to fight for it?? not really. then fucking what??? that’s a harder conversation and if i bring that up to them i have to be able to answer that question and i’m just one very fucking exhausted, very fucking traumatized, very fucking disabled person in a world that wants to erase me. wants to silence me. wants to point the blame elsewhere if i end up dead bc it can’t be the state’s fault. i have to take responsibility for myself. rather than we as a community taking responsibly for the fact that we have deviated so far from who we used to be and how we used to support disabled people amongst our people. no, centuries and centuries of undoing that communal dynamic now falls on the shoulders of individuals who need help, but can’t fucking get it. and I DON’T WANT TO FUCKING TALK ABOUT IT ANYMORE. not even with people who say they’re concerned bc their concern is always conditional. it always turns out to be conditional. and truly what can they do. it seems it has to be, to some extent, conditional. like honestly they fighting for their lives out here too. i just don’t want to talk about it with them bc i recognize they fighting in ways they shouldn’t be, but they think i’m choosing my unhappiness (as if it could be so simple as to just fucking be unhappiness fuck) if i don’t get past symptoms that come with being who i am then that’s what i chose for myself. bc i’m not allowed to say it’s just how i am, not to them. i’m not allowed to say to them that this is what having the disabilities and trauma i have does to me in particular. it’s different for everybody. I DIDN’T FUCKING CHOOSE THIS. but they found a way to live in their way so i have to be able to too. when really i just want [REDACTED]. i don’t want to fucking talk anymore. i don’t have anything to say anymore. sharing my thoughts here about this vampire show is what i got right now and i’m surprised my brain is even coming up with anything to say here bc when i say for months and months my brain had nothing! no ideas! no thoughts! no anything other than the darkest fucking shit to say if it did have a thought at all! i’m so, so tired. i don’t want to talk. i just don’t. and i’m tired of feeling like i’m being ridiculous when really not saying anything feels like self preservation.

[antspaul]

3, 8, 12 abortion fic!

unhappening, 10k, charles/lando, abortion

3. How did you find the visuals for this fic? Is there a method you have?

i'll take visuals to mean setting and imagery - i actually struggled with scene setting a bit on two different fronts: envisioning how the different elements of the paddock all fit together; and the logistics of the abortion clinic (which is akin to a private women's health clinic). i resolved both of these issues by choosing to be a bit vague with where certain encounters took place. i looked up some private health facilities in europe and took light inspiration from those + my own experience working in an outpatient surgery as inspo for what the clinic looked like.

the scenes that took place in monaco were loosely inspired by what i remembered from charles's vlogs. only loosely though - i try not to get TOO bogged down in the actual specific details of a character's IRL life. i prefer to play with what's possible instead of what's fact. like, rather than describe the exact places that lando and charles lived, i tried to describe places that i thought fit lando and charles's character arcs and emotions at that point in time (i.e. lando's empty, corporate apartment building to which he has little emotional connection vs. charles's building situated within a community that lando can feel).

certainly not a novel approach lol! but i rly enjoy working with setting when it's relevant and the tone fits <3

8. What inspired the title for this fic? Is that usually how you choose titles?

i think i used the word "un-happening" during one of our brainstorming sessions for this fic and it stuck out to me then as a possible title! i used it in the fic here:

He’s glad Charles is taking care of what needs taking care of. There’s just a lot to wrap his mind around and never enough time to do it, happening and unhappening so fast Lando can’t track it.

Here Lando is struggling to wrap his mind around the facts that 1. Charles has been pregnant with his baby and 2. the only time that he has to process that is when Charles is in the act of aborting it. So he never got the chance to consider the pregnancy or the baby as real possibilities before they didn't exist - in a sense, they never happened. Which is also what this section is getting at:

What happened earlier this week doesn’t count, not really. Lando won’t deny that. That clump of cells inside Charles was never going to be anything regardless, so who cares that Charles erased it from the narrative? It was nothing; it never existed.

More than that, "unhappening" refers to how Charles and Lando consider secondary gender. In an omegaverse society in which your designation isn't revealed until you're a teenager, being an alpha or omega is becomes an event; it's something that happens to someone.

The way that I conceptualized biology here is that outside of heat/rut, the differences between a male omega and male alpha aren't super obvious. In addition to secondary gender happening to a young alpha/omega upon their first heat/rut, secondary gender an event with only recurring biological relevancy a few times a year (unless you're pregnant). Charles doesn't see being an omega as a culturally-constructed category, only a recurring physical one (he grew up not thinking of presenting omega as a remote possibility until it happened to him); on the other hand, Lando (who grew up being treated like an omega, even without the biological experiences of one) thinks of being an omega as a more immutable cultural category.

The tension between the two of them essentially boils down to this: Charles thinks that being an omega is an event that he can prevent or erase when it happens to him; Lando views it as a much more significant part of his own story, and fundamentally disagrees that it's something that can be outrun, or erased - that it can't "unhappen" (because nothing can).

This was a long answer omg... but thank you for giving me the chance to talk about this!! this is definitely not how i usually title fics LOL i'm notoriously finicky about titles and usually just choose a song lyric.

12. Was there a scene you wished you could have included? Why didn't it fit in?

not really! there were moments when I wished that I could make Charles's interiority a bit more obvious or explore what he was feeling. I have a lot of thoughts on how this version of Charles might feel about parenthood and children - and why his career complicates that. But ultimately Lando POV didn't allow for that LOL his narration tends to be a bit self-centered.

There were more details I wanted to explore with Lando and his mum that felt like they would take up too much space and mess up the pacing if I went into them. For example, in this universe Lando's mum was told, after his youngest sister was born, that future pregnancies would be quite risky. So I had a short snippet planned where Lando thinks about sitting with his mum afterwards in the waiting room of a clinic, an experience that looking back he realized might have been her getting an abortion.

THANK YOU ELLE <3

🎬 Behind-the-Scenes Fic Asks 🎬

[breadstickysquid]

Haha I wrote something unedited before the stream and I'll uh. I thought it'd be cool to share it!

9/10/2023 (RANBOO REBRAND DAY!!)

Alright so, I can’t focus on my schoolwork rn because im too excited so heres an essay on how finding ranboolive changed my life for the better.

Early 2020, I had been watching mostly Wilbur soot, but had fallen out of interest as my mental health declined with the start of one of the worst years of school I’ve had that fall. I was having an absolutely rotten time. I only had 1-2 friends who I saw/talked to maybe once every few months, my classmates were apathetic to me, I was extremely gender dysphoric (though I didn’t know it at the time). I was quite frankly a danger to myself. It was.. bad. But one day, I was procrastinating on schoolwork by browsing youtube and I stumbled across Ranboo’s ���spooky’s jumpscare mansion” video. I watched it and was instantly hooked. I’d have been on youtube for YEARS before then, but something about Ranboo’s content and community (though small compared to today’s given that I found him early October of 2020) made me feel warm and welcome, less lonely. It became an escape. I’d turn on vods in the background or tune into streams live while I chipped away at the workload that had me on knife’s edge for my depression and anxiety.

Things still sucked for awhile. I’d watch streams, seeing ranboo interact with others, and yearn for friends like that. In march of 2021, I finally took the leap and joined twitter, hoping to find people who liked watching Ranboo as much as I did. I did find those people, but social anxiety got a hold of me and would erase any words I wanted to say to fellow boobers. I did however, meet my best friend, which is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. (today, we are queerplatonic partners <3)

I had a chunk of time when I felt guilty about spending so much time online, and I stopped watching ranboo for awhile (the beginning of the beeduo meetup), but eventually I ended up coming back (it’s the neurodivergency oops), and though I still didn’t make any Ranboo viewer friends, I had a few friends that I introduced to also watching ranboo, just so I could infodump to them. By the time a year had passed since I started watching ranboo, I had a friend group again, and I saw other boobers talking about mental health and gender, and I actually realized I needed to reach out for help, and I started taking medication and doing therapy.

By 2022, I had reconnected with IRL friends, and was seeing people outside of my imidiate family more than once every few months for the first time in around 2 years. I ended up finally getting my grubby little paws on having a discord account, and lurked in the Rancord for ages. I never talked- I was too scared to, I thought I’d be seen as lame or something (that’s so stupid thinking back, all boobers are lame [lovingly] yaknow) but I also dragged my best friend into slowly starting to consume ranboo content, and I started realizing “hey, I could do this content creation stuff too” and I started to research things.

2023. now over 2 years of watching ranboo, and I’ve watched them grow as a person alongside me. It made my heart warm. I was happy, I was seeing my IRL friends every week, I lost count of how many friends I had, I was getting decent grades and had started adhd medication :D

Generation loss released, and became my entire personality for two months. It is one of my special interests still, and has lead to me and my friends making our own horror series, which we are very proud of. I think I’ve watched generation loss all the way through at least 15 times by this point. Once, I watched it 3 times back-to-back in 2 days, making friends watch it. I found other boobers, and converted a bunch of my friends to booberism. I feel tad bit bad or weird for having my main special interest literally be some funnyman on the internet, but the past 3 years have had both the worst and the very best moments of my life.

As of today, I have more good days than bad days. I’m working on making a brand to follow my dreams and start streaming (my “what’s up danger moment” as I’ve been calling it), to make fun stuff with friends. I am a born entertainer. When I watch ranboo streams, I see things I can try for my content, I see things I would do the same and differently, I see how to set things up. Sure, I’m terrified to start, but I’ll never know if I succeed if I never do it. As I write this part, it is about 1 hour and 40 minutes until the Ranbrand stream. My chest hurts from excitement. I cannot put into words how much ranboo and their community matters to me. It has influenced my life forever in a positive way, and it will continue to do so long into the future, even when/if ranboo retires from content creation.

I look forward to many more fun times with the boobers and the boob king, and perhaps even having those experiences for myself. When I think about streaming, I can’t see my flaws, I don’t have that little voice degrading me in my head. I can only think about myself positively, and I have ranboo and the boobers to thank for that.

It’s the start of a new era. Its bittersweet and nostalgic, but change is inevitable and good. Both ranboo and I have grown as people, becoming better versions of our best selves, and gaining confidence. I see life now, and I see the beauty of it, not the grime. I can never thank him enough.

Everyone is so kind and nice and sweet I just feel like theres so much love going around its amazing :( thank you guys for making these last 3 years just incredible

[nightcall99]

Dreams from 17.8.24

Dream 1: I was about to do an exam. Time in this dream seemed to flow as with waking life, so it's like I was actually there going through this. I walked into the hall to find a seat. It was communal tables where people sat in groups instead of the usual exam conditions where you have individual desks. Most of the tables were full and I approached a table where a guy (but don't know irl) was sitting that I had some history with, but didn't like. I think he make a few jabs at me and I tried to sit as far away from him as possible. Somehow I had notice of what the exam question was going to be and so I had prepared an essay in advance and memorised it. I knew this was the only way to pass since I am terrible at thinking on the spot. I looked inside my pencil case deciding on what writing utensil to use. I had a mechanical pencil and lead refills which weren't in a case, just lying at the bottom. The lead was thicker than usual. I though it would be a good idea to use a pencil since I'd be able to erase things but I was still undecided. I asked the girl next to me, Should I use a pencil or pen? She was like, When have you ever needed to erase anything, just use a pen. I think she was trying to say that I'm a senior student who has been doing exams for awhile and should know what's up by now. I took her advice. But then the pen turned into a flat type of rock and when I looked around everyone was writing their essays with this rock and it was normal.

I was trying to remember my pre-written essay to write it down but I couldn’t. It didn't help having all these people in close proximity, which was distracting and there was just random noise happening like people talking and stuff. I couldn't remember any of it. I tried to think of things to write on the spot but I just couldn't at all. I got so frustrated that I burst out loud telling everyone to shut up and they did. But it didn't help, my memory was shot and so was any creativity. I ended up writing some stuff but I knew that none of it made any sense. I had no idea what I was saying. I didn't even re-read what I was writing because I knew it'd make my anxiety worse knowing it was not good. I knew the essay I'd pre-written was so much better. A bunch of time passed and I'd almost written a page. I think the duration of this exam was 1.5 hours, around that. Then I realised that the essay I'd prepared was right there, slotted into my exercise book. If only I could just take a peek, just to jog my memory but there was no way I would be able to do it without getting caught. The teacher even came by and reprimanded me for using the exercise book to write in in the first place. I should have used a loose page. He said, There’s all sorts of things in there that would be helping you out. He didn't know I had the essay in there but he was talking about notes from classes. He wasn't happy but he said, Give me two 25 word paragraphs and you’re done. I said, Ok.

I'd still barely completed a page and it was terrible. I was writing a new paragraph now trying to a expand on a new point which I had mentioned at the start. I realised I had hardly addressed any of things I said I would in my intro. In the intro I made mention of 5-6 things to discuss. I just kept thinking about how my sentences were so disjointed and my handwriting looked so weird, like a child's scrawl. Even the chick next to mentioned it when she looked over. I said my handwriting changes sometimes especially when I’m stressed. This feeling came over me, like I was cheating but not in the typical dishonest sense. It just did not feel like 'me' doing this exam, it's like I was cheating myself. My mental faculties were just not there and it's like I'd anticipated this happening.

(This is basically what happens to me irl, but exaggerated to bring the point across. I've always struggled with 3D when other people didn't)

Scene 1: A bunch of travel medicines, was it for me? Yeah I guess I was going away. I saw doxy (malaria prevention). wasn’t sure I needed them but took them.

Scene 2: "An active mountain is moving closer to your house"

[wingsofescape]

DVD Commentary: "They’re trying to erase history.” Ed sounded horrified. “Anything that could counter their arguments would be destroyed, so it looks like everyone agreed with them.”

“You got it. They’re taking books and works from universities, too. Al told me–”

Winry froze. The sound of a body slamming against the wall rang in her ears, followed by Ed’s furious sneer.

“You know where Al is?!”

———————————————

“I’m sorry,” Fritz said as he rearranged his monocle and massaged his shoulder. “Al told me not to say anything until you’d gotten your drinking under control. I was going to tell you tonight.”

“How did you even know–”

Fritz cast him a long look. “Edward. No offence, but it was becoming glaringly obvious.

“Al called me the night he left. He asked me to keep an eye on you in case things got really bad. He hoped you would have a wake-up call and finally quit, but he was worried it might be your breaking point, too.”

Ed stared at him, feeling every muscle relax one by one and his anger be washed away in a syphoning sound of relief and shame.

Al was okay. Al still cared enough to ask Fritz to keep an eye out for him. Al had been worried about his shitty excuse of a brother. It made Ed’s heart break into a million fragments, a kaleidoscope of undeserved love and crushing guilt.

“Where- where is he?” He croaked." What were some other Fritz scenes that you considered for this? What behind the scenes can you share between Al and Fritz and what it was like for Fritz to watch his friend/employee descend into alcoholism and then later be left alone with no clue about a sobriety journey? Very intrigued!!

Hello hello and thank you for your question!

SO (I had to dig out my outlining notebook for this) in the very first version Fritz was supposed to voluntarily say that he had heard from Al and that would be the thing that prompted Ed's recovery and withdrawal process. But then I thought that Ed's motivation had to be as internal as possible and it would make more sense to have him already started the process and hearing about Al is the thing that prompts him to really take his recovery seriously. Also I found the thought of Fritz getting slam-dunked into a wall for hiding stuff really funny.

On another note I find Fritz's dual function as both comedic relief but also historical exposition really fun to use. He gets thrown into a wall but we also get to learn about the world in 1933 and his struggle as a Jewish person living in Nazi Germany. His divorce with Thea Harbou was finalised on April 20th, 1933, and she did give a pro-choice speech a few years prior. And yes, his meeting with Goebbels actually happened (also parallels a similar meeting Winry had in her past hint hint if you've read chapter 11)

That's a very good question! Fritz has known Ed since Ed was 18 and Al since he was a teenager. He's watched them both grow into adulthood and likely used Ed for research purposes into his films (he had Oberth as a consultant for Woman On The Moon IRL). He's seen Ed struggle to find the balance between being a brother but also having to parent Al through the teenage years, he's seen Ed be in love with Noah and have a home with her and Al and seen that home be obliterated by Ed's own actions. I'm sure Fritz has both facilitated the drinking (after all, he and Thea used to throw huge parties) until he realised it was becoming a problem. Then he likely tried to have conversations with Ed - and I'm sure Al also came to him and expressed his worries about Ed - which Ed probably shut down and dismissed. Ed and Al also travelled quite a bit so I'm sure there have been times where Fritz was anxiously wondering if they were both okay.

So I don't think he was surprised when Al called him. Relieved in a way for Al, I think. But probably just as terrified for Ed as Al was, and it must have been hard not to incessantly call Ed to check up on him and tell him to get his act together. Ed (behind the scenes) went on a complete bender and didn't answer any calls post-chapter 1 so Fritz was extremely relieved to hear his voice and have an excuse to get him to come to set (namely Winry). And Fritz also recognised the potential between Ed and Winry and called Ed a jerk before he could do irreparable damage to his relationship with her.

Anyway before I write another novel, I hope this answered any curiosities!

[wixelt]

Main thing aside from procrastination stopping me getting on with Hermitphibia is False’s lore. Feel like I need to wait things out before I write more for her & Anne.

...that said, i’ve had this one rattling about my brain for weeks, & recent revelations in the HC-Empires crossover have added to it:

Picture a time in mid-Season 1, before meeting Sasha & Scar, or even Grian. When False is the only Hermit Anne’s met, but definitely after the Snow Day incident.

False’s training of Anne is progressing well. Anne’s natural ability is impressing False, & the teen’s enthusiasm’s keeping things moving. False has even been trying to curb Anne’s less healthy tendencies, though doesn’t yet know their full extent & won’t for some time.

However, one thing False has noticed that’s really getting under her skin is Anne’s growing hero worship of her.

It was subtle at first in a “cool big sis” way, but its becoming clear Anne Boonchuy’s starting to see “Badass False Symmetry” as something to strive for. Comments made on Snow Day about how she would “never leave anyone to die” aren’t helping at all.

And putting aside False’s personal feelings, Anne’s done things that False recognizes as some of her own shortcomings. Things that have in past & present only caused problems.

And one evening, in the middle of Anne going on about how awesome her teacher is... False snaps.

She rather sharply exclaims that she isn’t some ideal to be looked up to. She might try to do the right thing & she knows her way around combat as if she were born to it, but she’s done things in the past. Bad things.

Things she can’t take back even if they were done with noble intentions, that were Anne to know the full extent of them would erase any ideas she has about False being a good person (i’m thinking both leaving Gem behind in S8 & the whole Empires!False debacle).

This completely throws Anne off as False is basically calling Anne a fool for liking her, & the blonde storms off before she can form a response. Cue an episode’s worth of shenanigans stemming from a crisis happening (maybe Night at the Inn) while both Anne & False are emotionally preoccupied, that’s largely resolved by Anne learning when to do what she views as right rather than following someone else’s moral compass, as well as teaming up with False & proving to the blonde that despite past mistakes, she is a good person at heart.

After this there’s an emotional talk, & False opens up a bit more to Anne about her past & the Hermits. At some point, Anne comments that the Hermits sound like one big dysfunctional but happy family & admits to being an only child. Sprig’s also a part of this conversation for a non-only child’s perspective, & gets a tad too invasive with questions:

“...Soooo, do you have any siblings, False? Um, actual ones, I mean.”

“Sprig!” Anne hissed.

“...One.” False replied quietly, suprising girl and frog alike. “A sister, but...”

False trails off, pulling an almost pained expression, & Anne gets the feeling this is a tricky subject that False isn’t quite ready to talk about with her, so lets it go for now.

Or in IRL terms, i’m waiting for the Twins!False arc to wrap so I can avoid contradictions, though i’m going to assume for clarity’s sake that by the time of the AU the other Hermits have long since discovered pre-S9 False was twin sisters living under one twin’s name, though i’ll avoid outright stating that in case False’s final lore proves to be a little different.

For now, though, the air’s been cleared between teacher & pupil, at least until the next crisis rears its ugly head.

And that’s more or less all i’ve got in the tank, for now. As always, i’ll happily answer any asks should anyone have any off the back of this. :)

[something-about-sunflowers]

I appreciate you taking the time to answer but respectfully “Izzy doesn’t have the power to hurt Ed/didn’t say *what*” he was going to do” does not land for me. I was once “threatened” by a coworker IRL (I use quotes because my boss said “idfk why this guy would say something this creepy”) and his comments were easily as ambiguous as what Izzy said. “Better watch your step” is a power play, a reminder of your place. (1/2)

[And maybe Izzy was powerless because everyone hated him, but everyone hated this guy too, and he felt desperate enough to look me in the eyes and pull the institutional violence choke chain. Small, petty little men can still hurt you. I won’t bother you anymore and I appreciate your time, but I cannot go down an endless mental rabbit hole of semantics. I did not carry a box cutter in my work coat pocket for a year over semantics. (2/2)]

Anon, genuinely, I'm very sorry you had to deal with that. I've been through something similar, not the same, but similar enough I can commiserate.

That said? It's really. . . not the same? And I think you're maybe projecting your own feelings onto the characters in ways that don't entirely fit, given the context? Because the context is important.

I'm sorry, I suppose, that my response didn't 'land' for you but, like, that doesn't erase the validity of what I said? In the context of the show, where this all matters, Izzy can't actually hurt Ed. Point blank. His threat is an empty one because he can't act on it. I'm not saying Ed didn't treat like it was an actual threat (Though I will maintain that premeditated, hours after the fact, maiming isn't the go-to response to a threat, and I think that sheds some light onto how Ed perceived it, regardless of his words.), only that Izzy talks a lot of shit but won't follow through.

Its not 'maybe Izzy is powerless because everybody hates him', he was literally going to die because everybody hates him. That's the text. He is powerless on The Revenge. Sure, 'watch your step' is a power-play but Izzy has no power to back it up. He is not your co-worker who lives in the modern world, where 'murdering a guy you don't like/who insulted you/who threatened you' is frowned upon. He's a pirate. I'm sorry it seems like your co-worker got away with his shitty behavior (its hard to tell with your phrasing) but Izzy is not your shitty co-worker.

Its not 'semantics' to point out when someone is making an empty threat. And I think its poor form to base your media analysis on your trauma informed interpretation (as in, you are viewing it through a biased lens because of this traumatic thing that happened to you), and to dismiss other reads because they 'don't land' with you. Again, I'm sorry this happened to you, I wish it hadn't, but this is not the same situation.

[arcadianmoonshadowjedi]

ROTT Thoughts

I know that there's a lot of heat in the TOA fandom and mixed opinions on the ROTT ending and other parts of the movie. Honestly I'm totally cool with everyone whether they enjoyed or disliked all of it, or parts of it, but here are some of my honest opinions. Most importantly, I do NOT condone any attacks on the team that created the movie or anyone with a different opinion.

⚠️ Spoilers and a LOOOOONG post below!

Ok so I'll be completely honest, for the most part, I enjoyed the movie until the very end. I loved the animation and the score and the overall plot with the titans. I loved all the fight scenes with the titans and seeing Nari being a badass!

And of course all the characters arcs minus Mpreg Steve (that was super creepy and ruined Staja in the movie) and I also feel like Eli barely did anything. It just felt like reverse character development for them esp after seeing them grow in the TOA series.

Everyone else was great! I loved seeing Jim lose his confidence after reverting back to a human and no longer having Merlin's amulet and seeing him grow to see himself as a capable hero. Claire was a total badass with her shadow magic! Ofc Jlaire was amazing as always!! I loved seeing Douxie with his cool magic. And the Gun Robot giant was AMAZING!! And the Excalibur scene was fantastic!!

Now I'll get to the death scenes. Each and every one made me an emotional mess! Especially since Nomura and Strickler started out as antagonists and grew so much! And I was excited that Strickler and Barbara were finally getting married (I thought the movie would end with their wedding 😭💔). And Toby's death hit me so hard! I absolutely loved his scene where he went to disable Bellroc's magic! And him dying in sacrifice was so beautiful and emotional.

Now to the end. I absolutely hated it and pretend it never happened. For me it felt like a slap in the face. For me, the TOA series were perfect for the most part! There was so much character development, magnificent plot, lots of adventure, romance and friendship, such an amazing story. And with that ending, it just felt like it threw everything out of the window. Like Jim's the only one who remembers everything, like apparently all TOA was just his dream. But what about everyone else? Like Claire? Their romance and her devotion to Jim? Her growth from a popular girl who tries so hard to please her parents and watching her grow and mature throughout the series and become a badass with shadow magic? Steve growing from a bully to a creepslayer and being with Aja? Eli growing from being bullied to Earth's ambassador on Akiridion 5? Aja and Krel coming to Earth and joining the gang? Douxie joining the gang? Jims friendship with Blinky and Draal?? Toby's friendship with Aaarrrgghh and his beautiful sacrifice to save the world?

Speaking of Toby, I strongly disagree with the whole 'he was nothing more than comic relief an a sidekick to Jim' rhetoric in the fandom. Yes he maybe a comic relief sidekick but he rocks his war hammer and has helped Jim with alot of missions. He helped Jim kill Angor Rot, he found the birthstone, he destroyed the shadow staff, and he shined a lot in 3below too! These are a few of the things he's done but honestly he's the best sidekick and best friend I've seen written in fiction and got so much character development leading up to his sacrifice in ROTT. Yes there are points for improvement but that doesn't deny that he's a badass character! And the ending erased all of that too! I get that him becoming the trollhunter seems 'Toby rights' but I feel that with how the entire show was written, it just went against both Toby and Jim's characters.

Like why would Jim throw all this load on his best friend? Especially after accepting his destiny and responsibility as trollhunter? Why would he throw away his relationship with Claire after all they've been through? There was so much loss throughout the series, like Jim losing Draal, Aja and Krel losing their own parents, Douxie losing Merlin who was his own father-figure?! They were extremely painful but each of them had to move on and grow while still honoring their lost loved ones. I know Tobes was super important to Jim but I feel like he should've been able to grow and move on and honor his friend for the rest of his life. Or for writing purposes, for a happier storyline, maybe the kronosphere could've been used to save Toby and maybe even Strickler and Nomura as well without resetting the whole entire timeline of TOA. Since ROTT was finale for all of TOA, maybe a fast forward to when they rebuilt Arcadia and are finally living happier adult lives would've felt so satisfying, it would symbolize growth and happiness even after the worst apocalypse like the one they were in (Even irl people grow after a war or natural disaster, despite the trauma). But the problem with ending we got was that it not only erased all the events of TOA, but it left us with an indefinite plot hole which was completely unsatisfying and feels like a reverse growth. It left me feeling bitter and empty rather than saying goodbye to my faves on positive note.

Hopefully this clarifies why I (and perhaps others in the fandom) feel very negative about the way it ended. If you've read this far, thank you much for taking the time to read my opinion and rants, and excuse any typos I might have, I typed this on my phone on low sleep lol! 😅

[writingwithcolor]

Hey! I’m currently writing a Jewish character and was wondering if this would be offensive: my character has a family where her mother is Jewish but her father celebrates Christmas, so they fuse their holiday celebrations to bring their two families together for any holidays that fall in line with eachother. Would this be a problem? I’m basing her off of irl friends who’s family does this, but I want to make sure it doesn’t seem like I’m erasing her Jewish heritage and pride. Thanks so much!

Celebrating Hanukkah & Christmas in interfaith family

No problems from me other than to note that I hope you meant to say that they're both celebrated, not that they're literally "combined." Because putting Christian ritual into a Jewish holiday would bug me, as a reader, but someone watching Mom light the menorah before going out caroling with Dad would not--for example. Does that make sense? There are plenty of interfaith families out there that do both, but keeping the actual practices separate is the best way to keep the Jewish ones Jewish. (And in my example I was picturing both parents there for each activity, so it's not like I'm calling for that much separation -- just, not bringing up "the meaning of Christmas" while you're literally telling the Chanukah story.

You may also want to decide if the character themselves is drawn in one direction or the other, or neither yet. (You said "Jewish heritage and pride" so from this I gather that's how she believes? In that case, is Christmas totally just a fun secular thing for her or is it something she regards as an outsider, religiously speaking?)

--Shira

I'm going to start by saying that interfaith families exist, and have a variety of ways of expressing their combination of cultures. I'm absolutely not here to argue with that, be negative about that very real way of life, or invalidate those experiences in the slightest. 

With that being said... people outside our community really, really love to show us celebrating Christmas, and Easter, and eating bacon, or doing anything else that might code us as assimilated (regardless of our internal identities). These are things that some Jewish people do, and I think it's absolutely good to show the breadth of the community, and the varied ways we express ourselves, but I do not, at all, trust someone outside the community to do that mindfully. 

In wider media, whether books, television, movies etc. Jewish characters are so often shown to be either assimilated, or from an interfaith family. Interfaith does not necessarily mean assimilated of course! But the fact of their interfaith relationship is often used as a convenient way to get the Jewish character into situations that are intended to show how "not really" Jewish they are. There is an obsession with showing us as assimilated, a delight that is taken in trying to prove that we either are exactly the same as the broader culture, or that our differences can be erased and eroded until we are. 

A Jewish person remains Jewish, whether they go to a Christmas party or not, whether they have shrimp at dinner or not, whether they marry a non-Jewish person or not, but the intent behind constantly showing Jewish characters doing this is suspect to me. This asker may not have this ill-intent, but frankly, it's hard to come by a character, written by a non-Jewish person, that says "I'm Jewish" in the beginning of a work, and then "oh, no thank you, I don't celebrate Christmas" in the middle, let alone even continuing to say "I'm Jewish" by the end.

When I read a work about interfaith families, and their specific traditions by a person inside the community, or coming from an interfaith background themselves, I'm interested, happy to learn about the characters, and their lives. When I read a work like that by someone outside the community it leaves me with a bitter taste in my mouth, and the feeling that even fictional versions of us are being gleefully, voyeuristically, intentionally assimilated.

-- Dierdra

1) If your character is invested in their Jewish heritage, celebrating Chanukah is not enough to show this. Please please please research our other holidays and traditions, talk to Jewish people who feel the same level of connection to their Jewish roots, consume #OwnVoices materials.

2) Agree with Dierdra that interfaith families exist and deserve representation, but that writing an assimilated character requires a lot of research and sensitivity; any blatant disregard of halacha should probably be avoided in case it is consumed in that voyeuristic way by the reader.

3) And with Christmas in particular, you can be close to touching a nerve because not all Jewish people have fond memories of Christmas, to say the least. To people of minority faiths, it can be the time when our othering is the most blatant and impactful (we’ve included some personal stories below). 

It would be best to listen to many Jewish experiences of December shenanigans, from people who celebrate Christmas partially or fully, to those who are indifferent, to those who have mainly negative associations and memories.

-- Shoshi

Our personal experiences with Christmas (Jewish Mods)

Also, as a note from all of us, discussing this question brought up so many stories about our own experiences with Christmas, and the culture surrounding it.  A selection of them are below, just to give an idea of what it can be like:

- Just not having lights up was enough to get our neighbor asking our then roommate if we were "you know... sorta..." When our roommate confirmed that we are indeed Jewish, he reassured him that it was "fine." It didn't feel fine to be told that though. I also had a neighbor ask what we were doing for Christmas once, and I said "oh, we do Chanukah in this house" just to keep it casual. She excitedly yelled back "JEWS!!" Even without Covid I was getting to the point where December was just a month where I tried to stay in, and avoid getting grumpy at people who are just enjoying their holiday (they just happen to be enjoying it everywhere, all the time. And sometimes kind of aggressively). God forbid you correct someone when they wish you a Merry Christmas. 

- Me too, it's the marketing, it's so aggressive. Last year I got so fed up with Christmas music being on in the office that I decided to bring a dreidel and spin it casually on my desk throughout the day, just so that my own space could feel like it was somewhat reserved for my own identity, you know? On day two of this, a colleague I didn't know that well came up to me and said, "Please could you stop doing that? It's really loud." I wanted to yell "NOT AS LOUD AS YOUR MUSIC!", but I didn't, I just stopped spinning it because I'm a darn pushover at times. I had to sit through my first hand-wringing 'how will we do Christmas with Covid?' conversation in about September, even though Pesach and Eid were both during the height of lockdown in this country and no one said a thing until after the fact. 

- I've had people scoff, and sniff, and make snide comments to my face in my old workplace when I politely reminded them that I don't celebrate Christmas. It can get so uncomfortable, just existing in the world, and Christmas can end up a really miserable time. 

[cenestpasaudrey]

Review: Teen Wolf

I started watching Teen Wolf two Saturdays ago (May 29th?? I think) because I was bored out of my mind and I wanted something entertaining and light that I could listen to while I work on my work files. I was actually thinking of just playing The Vampire Diaries in the background since I've already watched it a couple of times but it was gone on Netflix. Then I checked out the recommended list of similar stuff and then I found Teen Wolf; so I was like, hey, why not.

Luckily (but not surprisingly), I liked it. Also, I found out that I finished the series during its actual 10th year anniversary which is dope. If I was watching it during its actual run, I think I would have been a little obsessed with it.

Few episodes in, I swear I really was like "Stiles is such a great friend! I want him as my friend." a couple of times. He's one of my favorites and I liked watching him so much that during the time when Void Stiles happen, I could totally feel how dark the episodes were. He's like one of the sources of comedy in the entire series and I felt that that was taken away too. Regretfully, he was missing during most of season 6 and to be honest if I was watching this during the actual run, it would've affected me. Deeply. The episodes that made me cry was when they were trying to remember his character because he was erased (6x8 & 6x9).

My second favorite character was Malia Tate. She's just so candid and frank. She has no filter which made her actions and suggestions either funny or ridiculously rude and yet, she didn't care. She had her own agendas and issues to deal with but her loyalty to the pack was always there. I loved her highlighter scenes and you could tell that she really was like Stiles in a way. When Dylan O' Brien was not present, she brought a lot of the comedic essence in the show.

My third favorite was Danny Mahealani because he was just so loyal to Jackson and at the same time, was a funny and kind character to others. He's a nonjudgmental character to the point that he knew his friends had supernatural powers and he didn't do anything about it. He just went by as if everything was normal and treat them exactly the same. Too bad he had to leave after season 3.

I think one of the things that separate Teen Wolf from the other supernatural series/show/movies that I've watched is that they've dealt with money problems. Like sure, Scott McCall was really powerful because he was the "True Alpha" but he had real life problems as well which couldn't be solved with him being a werewolf. Despite all the adventures that both him and Stiles had surpassed, there were still some issues that they can't get away from like hospital bills, rent and other stuff money-wise.

I agree that the ending is quite open-ended and there are still stories to tell about the characters. (Step-brother for Scott, maybe? Haha.) But I probably have a different reason why I want another season/movie/whatever. I wanted an extension because I wanted to see to it that that SOB Tamora Monroe got what she deserved. Haha. I hate her! Possibly because she was a guidance counselor who disguises herself as a concerned person but is really a big hypocrite trash that every word she let out is total BS. Like, she hated the sheriff for covering up the real identities of the people saving their small city but Gerard Argent hiding some things from her was fine. Girrrrl.🤨

Lastly, for the ships, I started to ship Malia with Scott when he was able to make her transform into a human after being a coyote/werecoyote for 8 years. I was like this is totally a meet cute. I mean, with all due respect from Stalia (I like them too but I really was going for Stydia because I think they were totally endgame), I thought that they could be together and that would be awesome and they did! I was like... "Finally! A show that pulled through!!! A good slow burn romantic relationship with no one dying on their wedding day, no one had to sacrifice his/her life to save a family member and no one had to be a gossip monger website administrator irl."😤

Okay, gun to the head, I ship Scalia but I ship Shelley Hennig and Tyler Posey more--not in an obsessive way, of course. Just in a "if-they-would-be-together-that-would-be-nice" way.

Anyway that's it. Photos ctto.

Rating: 4/5🌟

[ilovebeingcalledawhore]

Content: Fluff, Highschool au

Summary: Just a snapchat confession story

Snapchat is fun and games, from ceiling pictures to nudes, fast repliers and some who don’t even open the snaps anymore. It’s stupid—entertaining until you talk to a boy that’s pretty goddamn cute and catch these dumb feelings that you know would fade away anyway.

It’ll fade won’t it? So might as well let yourself fall.

Huang Renjun was a boy in my class that I fancied, he was quite charming, no...erase that, he was very charming. Every single girl in class has once thought he was attractive and if any girl was asked who they would date it’d be him.

The boy had a sense of humour, was smart, attractive, sometimes snappy but it was the friendly banter that gave me the chance to talk to him. A month ago I finally decided to make a snapchat account, a day after that I asked for everybody’s accounts and his was the first one I got.

It was a calm week of me and Renjun asking about each other’s day or the cliche “wyd?”, a few weeks later he made me nickname and I dumbly didn’t want to make one from his actual name so I called him, “hunny”.

Bold, I know.

We laughed about it but I did back off and say, “sorry I just couldn’t think of something creative, everyone’s made a nickname for you already.” He agrees so I just stuck with his real name.

In school we’ve become much closer.

He speed walks to me and greets me, asks about my plans for the day or how I am, and boy! You don’t know how much I’ve walked away smiling so hard the ends of my lips could touch my ears.

I was falling quite fucking hard—but he was a charmer, girls in class liked him and he was friends with most of them. Some girls are touchy and gives him casual hugs, yes they make me jealous but he knew them before he knew me. They had a bond since years ago, we didn’t.

Then something happened—

A few more days pass by and me and my friends notice how his friend group seemed to tease him when I’m around.

It’s even come to the point where we’d hear Donghyuck screaming, “Do you like Y/n?”, during homeroom. You wouldn’t hear the response but seconds later his group would be screaming.

My friends said he liked me, I denied it.

Well, they were right. A week after that, I built up the guts to confess to him and not chicken out. Taking a photo of a ceiling and typing out the words, “I like you.”

I press the send button before I start doubting myself again.

1 min ago

2 min ago

3 min ago

“Fucking open it already,” I whisper to myself.

opened

1 min ago

just now

“He replied!” I squealed.

I press his snap full of worry; waiting for rejection but instead he sends this.

“About that...”

Fucks sake, I swear I screamed into my pillow so loud my saliva got on it. “Yes?” I replied with annoyance evident in my face, I wasn’t having any of it. I was worried and frustrated.

opened

15 sec ago

just now

He replied, ‘fuck, fuck, fuck, should I open this?’ I thought to myself, my whole hand shaking. I decided to push my phone to a corner and lay in bed to think.

If he says he doesn’t like me then it’s not the end of the world, he’s a nice guy, we won’t be awkward in school——but what if he says yes, then maybe we start talking and date——no he doesn’t like me why would he?

I roll off the bed and take my phone, still worried but reassuring myself that no matter what, I’ll be fine. I get into the app, his name beside a red box getting ready to be opened.

I press it.

“I like you too” I screamed and screamed and screamed.

He likes me too!

Renjun likes me too!

_____

[A month later] Winter break

I’m dating him! After a few solid weeks of talking and getting to know each other, I’ve learned about his likes-dislikes, family, goals, hobbies, peet peeves, little habits and kinks (but we’re not gonna talk about that here).

It was a moment at 2 am, talking about life and what not until he asked me out through a snap. I would’ve complained and said “you should ask me out irl,” but he beat me to it.

“I’ll officially ask you out when were back to school,” the rest of the night was filled with me giggling to myself in excitement.

Sometimes shooting your shot is the way to go.

It’s scary, you don’t really know what they’re gonna say.

“I’m sorry I don’t like you”

“I like you too”

“I’ll think about it”

“I’ve liked you since years ago”

But in the end you’ve got nothing to lose, in ten years time they wouldn’t talk about the girl or the boy who asked them out unless it turned serious. In ten years time, some people wouldn’t even remember you.

No one would remember how you wore your hair that day, what shirt you put on, if you were wearing this new weird coloured lipstick or if you carried around a new book everyday. In the end most things will be forgotten and it wouldn’t matter.

So fuck it and say what you feel.

Maybe—just maybe, send the snap.