#*points to when it happened to me irl & how i got erased out of my own identity and the thrown back into the straight category for being bi

[coolauntlilith]

I do block blogs calling a canon bisexual character gay/lesbian. No I don't see it as a blanket term kind of way, yall have made sure of that.

[thatdeadaquarius]

SAGAU / Isekai Genshin:

You can still use your characters! ... as in possessing them 👻

(all art by me down below, hope its decent lol - did it for u guys and myself i mean what )

Edit 9/7/23: 1,500+ NOTES??? BRO WHAT!! THABK YOU <3

Edit 12/24/23 + 4/5/24:

☆

My dumbass forgot to put this here .-.

Anywya this is a full length fanfic now ;)

PART 1 (you're here!) / Part 2

So.

You got sucked into a video game. 

Crazy, but it happens ¯\_ (ツ)_/¯

yknow how it issss

...you very quickly discover that unfortunately video game rules still apply...

which wouldn't normally be an issue! like, needing to use the bathroom in the middle of a fight? Nope! minor cuts and bruises like papercuts, only actual enemies or fall damage counting? hell yeah that'd be great (theoretically no chronic pains if you got that?? hmmmm unsure)

see the issue comes when you realize, you as a player, don't have a "character" that's all your own

there's aether/lumine yeah.. but bc the game's real now, they're their own people, and you didn't wake up to find yourself as a blonde twin...

the closest you can describe your form as is .. like a seelie?

or like the way ghosts look in game?

but a lot more "starry"

like your specterlike, but you look like you got filled up with stars and the milky way, maybe a reference of you being from another universe/world? (aether/lumine/dainsleif/khaenriah star symbol reference secret thEORY-)

but yah.

you also got just, white eyes.

like, not iris, not pupil. like your pupil and iris got erased

you gotta admit, at least you look really aesthetic now.

(u also got a little cape and hood on at all times, and you cant take it off to see your starrified hair >:/ ,very Blue Diamond-esque, look up Steven Universe, Blue Diamond if you dont know who im talking about)

so needless to say, as soon as you sort of glitched your way into existence you were HYPE

i mean ur ACTUALLY IN TEYVAT WITH THE BOYSSSS

...then you realize your a spooky-no-character-to-pilot-around-thus-no-character-model-body-for-you thingy

and that you cant touch stuff!! >:(

like wth!!!

thats just downright unfair.

so, you figure if you got no body to be.... you gotta find a new "character" to pilot >:)

...

I choose you, yellow fungi!

...

....

you're in the fucking woods (Sumeru somewhere obv, u knew that the moment you opened ur eyes),

what'd you expect?? an archon??

..wait a minute. can you possess an archon-

these kinda thoughts plague your first few days of irl genshin impact playing

a rishabold tiger? yep.

a sumpter beast? kinda slow and heavy feeling but yeah.

...you also try a ruin machine LOL

by far, the fungi and ruin machines are the best to possess, mostly because you can remain upright with those

(tho u did find some type of flying monkey that wasnt in game, but its like,, a real world and jungle now so that makes sense there'd be more complexity + stuff)

you do eventually think you should try and possess a person at this point... but ur kinda nervous 👉👈

its ur first time doin this okay nobody explained the basics to you youve been winging for a week now!

will your mind be replaced with theirs? it hasn't been so far with the creatures/bots

and as far as you can tell, they kinda just-

forget what happened or "wake up" after you possess them

(the tiger you were for a day looked confused as hell when it realized that there was a new pile of fruit next to it when it "woke up", it was your way of saying thank you to the animals of the jungle, u left them little piles of food you collected running around as them)

so THEORHETICALLY-

you should be good to go and possess a random poor eremite

... you figure you want to possess something human-like eventually even if you get a puppet body like wanderer/raiden so...

here goes nothing...

♤

so it's been 2 weeks since you've been forcefully yanked into teyvat, and by the second week, you were trying to possess eremites

which! worked out!

mostly..!

you kinda convinced the entirety of two eremite camps that a certain part one of sumeru's forests is hella haunted bc ppl keep "blacking out" and doing things they don't remember doing, yknow... like possesssion LMAO

they kinda ran off to escape you but, hey!

experiment #2: people possession, success!!

now you were kinda convinced of this when you realized no matter the angle the animals and machines of sumeru didnt react to you getting super close to them (you dont have to touch something to posses it, just look at it really, but you wanted to test limits, so you walked up to sumpter beasts and fungi and ruin machines)

but no one can see you.

you don't have a "character" most of the time, you can float and glide around the ground like scaramouche lol

you cant touch stuff bc of this, you cant smell stuff (u saw the eremites campfires & couldnt smell the smoke until you were them)

you cant eat stuff w/o a body, so.. it makes sense that the eremites and passing merchants, cant see you when you float around, trying to reorient yourself after 2 weeks of experimenting

:( ur only a lil sad about it... but mostly not bc lol u got possession powers so trade off u guess

the first time you see a vision-bearer you literally scream

LMAO

ur so lucky u cant be seen or heard

bc Collei would have def screamed back lol

needless to say u stalk the forest ranger- ALL DAY.

Collei goes on patrol around the woods? you go on a patrol.

collei goes to visit other forest rangers? you "visit" other forest rangers at base (lol u def possess a guy who was asleep on a bench nearby & wake up to go talk to Collei "in-person", poor guy was so worried he sleep walked/talked so hard he went to see Tighnari an hour later lmao)

welp, you decide this is your life now, follow Collei everywhere, talk one-sided to Collei until you can possess a forest ranger w/o it being suspicious (dont wanna turn the poor rangers into the terrified eremites from a week or two ago...)

then, after you get the courage and erase the paranoia that tighnari can just... somehow hear your ghostly bullshit-

u do the same to Tighnari (then Cyno when he visits! no u didnt squeal, so what, nobody can hear you- )

♧

Tighnari begins to get suspicious about 3 weeks into this routine.

he's been starting to collect and start a file on all the rangers or nearby villagers that've started randomly "blacking out/sleep walking" in the evenings usually

(u possess as close to nighttime as u can so it seems like sleepwalking)

So when Cyno comes back from a mission gone wrong,

having nearly been decapitated by a rogue flying ruin machine, only to black out and come to standing calmly 10 feet further than he remembered being 1 minute ago...

Tighnari's suspicions are confirmed, and he launches into researching this phenomenon.

his first thought is something like the aranara, but that doesn't account for the effect this thing is having on people

after all, what little forest spirit is strong enough to-

-control humans??

Tighnari begins to get the sense he's in over his head after he finds himself pushed into going into Sumeru City in order to collect more library books or ask around if the blackouts have spread to the city people

he answer is negative, on both accounts.

and he spends about one half of the day walking around, and the other reading up all he can on mythical creatures or ailments

Tighnari gives up for the day, and as he makes his way back to Ghandarvaville, he almost gets ambushed by some particularly nasty muggers

...and then he wakes up 20 feet away, his denro vision thrumming with power, full of worry and fondness for himself??, (just like Cyno said he felt happen to him..)

...Tighnari decides he needs reinforcements.

YOU GUYS-

UR LOCAL ZODIAC SIGN OBSESSED W/GENSHIN HIT A CHARACTER LIMIT ON A POST FINALLY. 😦

??? THIS WOULDVE BEEN LONGER BUT I BARELY GOT SPACE FOR THIS- I- EVEN THE QIQI POST DIDNT HIT LIMIT-

uh cya ig!!

Safe travels lmao,

💀♒️

♡the beloveds♡

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist @revonie / @hat-on-a-cat / @takottai / @sickly-falling (?) / @iruiji

(Sorry about the late tag! I forgot to update my taglist before i posted this 💀 my bad guys)

Also if the people who got put there who i couldnt find a blog for see this, idk what went wrong ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ - maybe check and see if ur setting for "being able to be searched/looked up" is turned on?? Idk man

[courtney-deserved-better]

thoughts on the gen2 cast? hope ur having a lovely valentines day btw!

thank you! i had to work on valentines day but my coworkers had a little dance party and passed out chocolates and flowers and it was very sweet. anyway here are my thoughts:

anne maria - love her!! she's so fun and deserved better. i feel like i struggle to write her though

b - he also deserved better. trans and deaf king in my heart

brick - i feel like we'd get along irl. also deserved better but it was nice that he was respected for his elim by mike zoey cam

cameron - i wish i liked him more but he annoys me at times. has some great funny moments!

dakota - not a fan of the dakotazoid arc but i enjoyed her before that. i hc her and anne maria as latina and like to think they would chat in spanish while getting ready in the bathroom and sometimes mike (who i hc as latino) will join in (i love spanish-speaking hcs if you can't tell)

dawn - wish we got to see more of her. wish she was eviller. wish she had a proper rivalry with scott.

jo - she's so funny!! i feel like i struggle to write her too. if only i could get a better handle on her and anne maria i would write more jomaria

lightning - at first i thought he was annoying but now ive realized hes so fucking funny i wish he wasn't made a villain though that felt very shoehorned in

mike - pretty neutral, don't have a lot of dislikes when it comes to him but don't have a ton of likes either. i think if there was more time to explore his personality outside of his did i would enjoy him more (i would also love to see more of his alters they're so silly) he needs more screentime to just be mike outside of zoke and his did (but i understand why that didn't happen in a 13 ep season) (also that's not to erase his did i think that's an important part of him but for most of the show it feels like its the ONLY part of him) (this is a lot of description for a character im pretty neutral on. anyways)

sam - another character that annoyed me at first before i realized how delightfully silly he is

scott - funny scheming bastard man. wish we got to see a bit more sympathetic side to him

staci - pretty neutral, there's not much to go off of in canon but ive read some interesting headcanons/reworks of her personality

zoey - hmm. complicated. i would like her more if the narrative didn't overly favor her and could point out when she was being judgmental (and if she actually had growth, i read this great analysis years ago about how zoey as a character never internally changes from her first appearance to her last) it also bugs me how she has all these skills simply to serve the plot with no real explanation (i have a similar problem with julia but that's a post for another day)

[poorticklishsoles]

When I was around 10, I searched for the word "tickling" on Google and stumbled upon a guy face down, feet tied together to the bed, getting his feet methodically tickled with fingers and a small electric toothbrush. This was my introduction to what would later become my seemingly lifelong attachment to this kink we all share. I can still hear the exact sound of that toothbrush in my brain, but sadly the video has been erased with no trace of it online. (It was called Ken's Feet Get Tickled if anyone has it)

Throughout the years, while growing up, I knew there was something weird about liking this stuff. It seems like I also became attached to feet from that video, and I soon became very fascinated and almost obsessed with finding these so-called "tickle videos" online. Soon enough, I realized it made me feel funny, and at that point where tickling, feet, and bondage became full-on fetishes for me.

I spent even more time after this realization digging deeper into the topic and trying to figure out just how many other people were like me. There were times when I felt really alone and strange... and sad while growing up because although I knew there were people like me online, they all happened to be much older, and I was not of the age where I could meet anyone anyway. I ended up signing up for forums with like-minded people, creating a kink Instagram account, and desperately searching for people like myself. I just remember thinking, "Why am I such a freak for being into this stuff so young." I would have to wait much longer to realize this is common for many more people than I initially thought.

I got supper excited when I turned 18. I thought, "wow I can finally get out there and explore this stuff safely!" I was pumped to be out there and meet cool people that I could become friends with. That was important for me. I feel like I never could properly engage with my kinks if I wasn't friends with the person first... So I decided to make friends.

I met so many incredible people through Instagram, as I thought that that was where the largest group of people in the community were. (I didn't know about Tumblr yet) One of whom became my best friend. I met ticklewitchjess on Instagram back last year. What amazed me about her was our ability to talk about things outside the kink. We formed a genuine friendship. I learned about her favorite color, how she loves thunderstorms like me, some of her trauma, how she cosplayed, and how she loved to learn things even if they were random because of her adhd... I learned that we had many similar interests in the tickling tropes out there. We roleplayed... A lot. I learned that she was an absolutely gifted writer from that, and I genuinly feel like my own writing improved as a result.

We talked everyday like that for a few months... From morning to when we would go to sleep... but one day she told me....she told everyone that she had to take a step back for personal reasons and take a break from her kink account. We talked for the last time and I gave her my last bit of support. I hope one day she does come back when shes in a better place... 

I never thought I'd have a connection like that with someone ever again... And for the most part I was correct, at least for just under a year. One night I again got in my feels about not having any real connection with anyone, now at the age of 20. I genuinely felt sad and depressed that I wasnt getting to explore my kink irl and even felt jealousy when id see tickle vids with 18 and 19 year olds having such a fun time. I ended up sending around 6 or 7 copy pasted greetings that night just to see if anyone would respond. I was about to send the same thing to a person I found that was super far away from me but instead I decided to switch it up and be genuine. And that's how I met @tklish-princess

We started chatting, taking our time at first, but eventually speeding up when we realized we had so much in common! Over time we flirted with the idea of meeting up and I honestly still can't believe we made it work. That's right! I had my first meet up ever! It wasn't just sessions though. We stayed together in the same Airbnb for a full week, essentially living together, and she showed me all around. We even got to do some super fun stuff further away from the town. It was just such an amazing time and Ari was just so sweet and kind to me that I was just constantly melting. I've never really been to college yet so I never got to have the experience of like..really being on my own and living with someone so I can't lie and say I wasn't a little nervous, but as soon as we met and hugged all that went away.

As you've probably seen on her post we did have sessions...some of which were recorded, and we'll be dropping teases as time goes by 🤭. I'm super excited for that and I'm super excited to finally say I have a real tickle partner in my life now! She has the cutest little feet and toes and even her hands are cute and ticklish 🥺.. I'm quite literally obsessed. She's such a sensitive little tickle bug but also a pretty evil ler...which surprised me because when we started talking she claimed to be 90% lee....yeah no. Youll see soon enough that that's not the case. I truly believe I found the best and it was 100% worth the wait.

So Ari...thanks for making this stubborn little dream of mine come true. I love you, and I can't wait to see you again.. 😇

TLDR: I MET AN AMAZING PERSON IN THE COMMUNITY IRL AND SHE'S MY BEST FRIEND NOW AND IM SUPER HAPPY 😄

[frasermints]

For the ask game, every multiple of 5.

bestie that's so many

5: what does your latest text from someone else say?

"This robot is trying so hard" in response to a youtube shorts link i sent

10: when is the last time you played the air guitar?

people actually do this??

15: do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

behind. always. i fucking hate getting my picture taken. froggie can attest to this after she made me get after i got BeReal

20: what is your greatest weakness; greatest strength?

damn we're going with the serious ones tonight aren't we? i like to think that, in face-to-face irl situations, i'm a good listener. i just fucking suck at responding. especially after my covid infection, i can't brain-to-mouth words anymore. the edit feature on imessage has helped this significantly since 99% of my interactions happen over that text platform but hooooooly shit i'm so bad at speaking

25: do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

i really like facetime but i fucking HATE looking at myself in the little window so i'll usually point it directly at my ceiling unless it's with One Specific Friend, mostly bc she's already seen me naked so her seeing me at Not My Best isn't a big deal and also like. idk i just fucking Hate My Face lol

30: stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? do the same with your left.

since i'm in bed and the only thing to my right is... the air. pumpkin is directly in FRONT of my right arm so i'll go with that. my phone is in front of my left arm.

35: to you, what is the meaning of life?

dude i don't even know. fuck around and find out. see more than twelve thousand trees. don't tell your friends they do too much yoga. own a cat. have at least one sex-induced medical emergency. confuse a seagull for an eagle when you're high as shit and get laughed at for it. drink a truly on the beach and watch the tide come in. eat so many cherries you shit yourself forty five minutes later and don't regret a single second of it. buy all of the notebooks you see in the bookstore and don't write in any of them. sleep outside when it's warm enough. take care of a houseplant. go far enough away from the city to actually SEE the stars. work with children. cry because of a dumb movie. breathe.

40: do you drive? if so, have you ever crashed?

yes: coming home from the seattle/tacoma metro area i got hit by someone going 90mph (145 kph) on the interstate. genuinely thought i was fish food that day.

45: what's the worst injury you've ever had?

probably the time i attempted rifle and caught it w/ my skull instead of my hands.

50: do you believe in magic?

eh

55: love or lust?

insert "why not both" gif

60: is there anything pink within ten feet of you?

yes, a couple things. a couple of bowls, a bag of potting soil, my sharps containers, some animal shaped erasers, a solid 50% of my sex toys are pink for some reason.

65: top five favorite blogs on tumblr?

peach, froggie, lou, steph, and vati

70: are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend?

i would choke me out without hesitation i do not understand how froggie tolerates me to be honest with you

75: what are the last four digits of your phone #

what are you a cop???

80: what size shoes do you wear

i don't know bc it's changed since i've started t and now none of my shoes fit

85: what's the last song you listened to?

i wanna get better by bleachers (title of my current wip comes from this song!)

90: you wake up to find that you're surrounded by mummies. they aren't doing anything, just standing around your bed. what do you do?

assume i'm dreaming and try to go back to bed

95: you just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. you have to depart right now. where are you going to go?

do i HAVE to??? i don't have a passport and i don't like airports :(

[wixelt]

Main thing aside from procrastination stopping me getting on with Hermitphibia is False’s lore. Feel like I need to wait things out before I write more for her & Anne.

...that said, i’ve had this one rattling about my brain for weeks, & recent revelations in the HC-Empires crossover have added to it:

Picture a time in mid-Season 1, before meeting Sasha & Scar, or even Grian. When False is the only Hermit Anne’s met, but definitely after the Snow Day incident.

False’s training of Anne is progressing well. Anne’s natural ability is impressing False, & the teen’s enthusiasm’s keeping things moving. False has even been trying to curb Anne’s less healthy tendencies, though doesn’t yet know their full extent & won’t for some time.

However, one thing False has noticed that’s really getting under her skin is Anne’s growing hero worship of her.

It was subtle at first in a “cool big sis” way, but its becoming clear Anne Boonchuy’s starting to see “Badass False Symmetry” as something to strive for. Comments made on Snow Day about how she would “never leave anyone to die” aren’t helping at all.

And putting aside False’s personal feelings, Anne’s done things that False recognizes as some of her own shortcomings. Things that have in past & present only caused problems.

And one evening, in the middle of Anne going on about how awesome her teacher is... False snaps.

She rather sharply exclaims that she isn’t some ideal to be looked up to. She might try to do the right thing & she knows her way around combat as if she were born to it, but she’s done things in the past. Bad things.

Things she can’t take back even if they were done with noble intentions, that were Anne to know the full extent of them would erase any ideas she has about False being a good person (i’m thinking both leaving Gem behind in S8 & the whole Empires!False debacle).

This completely throws Anne off as False is basically calling Anne a fool for liking her, & the blonde storms off before she can form a response. Cue an episode’s worth of shenanigans stemming from a crisis happening (maybe Night at the Inn) while both Anne & False are emotionally preoccupied, that’s largely resolved by Anne learning when to do what she views as right rather than following someone else’s moral compass, as well as teaming up with False & proving to the blonde that despite past mistakes, she is a good person at heart.

After this there’s an emotional talk, & False opens up a bit more to Anne about her past & the Hermits. At some point, Anne comments that the Hermits sound like one big dysfunctional but happy family & admits to being an only child. Sprig’s also a part of this conversation for a non-only child’s perspective, & gets a tad too invasive with questions:

“...Soooo, do you have any siblings, False? Um, actual ones, I mean.”

“Sprig!” Anne hissed.

“...One.” False replied quietly, suprising girl and frog alike. “A sister, but...”

False trails off, pulling an almost pained expression, & Anne gets the feeling this is a tricky subject that False isn’t quite ready to talk about with her, so lets it go for now.

Or in IRL terms, i’m waiting for the Twins!False arc to wrap so I can avoid contradictions, though i’m going to assume for clarity’s sake that by the time of the AU the other Hermits have long since discovered pre-S9 False was twin sisters living under one twin’s name, though i’ll avoid outright stating that in case False’s final lore proves to be a little different.

For now, though, the air’s been cleared between teacher & pupil, at least until the next crisis rears its ugly head.

And that’s more or less all i’ve got in the tank, for now. As always, i’ll happily answer any asks should anyone have any off the back of this. :)

[matrixwhore]

.

idk if i’m being ridiculous. i truly just don’t know if im being ridiculous so i’m venting, but idk if im fucking being ridiculous. it’s hard to tell sometimes bc i feel sooo misunderstood is mostly it, but i also feel so alienated. i don’t feel like talking anymore. about really anything irl. im gonna be vague with this but i have invisible disabilities and trauma that make it so i don’t have much to give anymore. my energy is depleted. my energy reserve is depleted. i don’t have stored energy i have whatever i get from whatever sleep i get, if i even wake up with any energy, i have whatever’s left after my disabilities and trauma take what’s apparently theirs and not mine. i don’t have energy, but i still have to live and be an adult. and i’ve been dealing with this for a long time. im not optimistic about where things can go from here. and i think people just want to talk and say what they think and come up with all these build-it-yourself solutions that don’t play out that way for people like me. they want it simple and it’s not. it’s fucking twisted and complex. and i’m so, so tired. i’m tired of talking. i don’t want to talk to anyone around me and go in circles and leave feeling like it’ll never matter bc it’s easier for them to say i just want to be this way then, instead of the help isnt out there and it seems impossible to actually get what people like me need then what??? what do we do as a people?? what happens when we’re so without what we need and no one wants to give it and not enough ppl want to (or even can) do what it takes to fight for it?? not really. then fucking what??? that’s a harder conversation and if i bring that up to them i have to be able to answer that question and i’m just one very fucking exhausted, very fucking traumatized, very fucking disabled person in a world that wants to erase me. wants to silence me. wants to point the blame elsewhere if i end up dead bc it can’t be the state’s fault. i have to take responsibility for myself. rather than we as a community taking responsibly for the fact that we have deviated so far from who we used to be and how we used to support disabled people amongst our people. no, centuries and centuries of undoing that communal dynamic now falls on the shoulders of individuals who need help, but can’t fucking get it. and I DON’T WANT TO FUCKING TALK ABOUT IT ANYMORE. not even with people who say they’re concerned bc their concern is always conditional. it always turns out to be conditional. and truly what can they do. it seems it has to be, to some extent, conditional. like honestly they fighting for their lives out here too. i just don’t want to talk about it with them bc i recognize they fighting in ways they shouldn’t be, but they think i’m choosing my unhappiness (as if it could be so simple as to just fucking be unhappiness fuck) if i don’t get past symptoms that come with being who i am then that’s what i chose for myself. bc i’m not allowed to say it’s just how i am, not to them. i’m not allowed to say to them that this is what having the disabilities and trauma i have does to me in particular. it’s different for everybody. I DIDN’T FUCKING CHOOSE THIS. but they found a way to live in their way so i have to be able to too. when really i just want [REDACTED]. i don’t want to fucking talk anymore. i don’t have anything to say anymore. sharing my thoughts here about this vampire show is what i got right now and i’m surprised my brain is even coming up with anything to say here bc when i say for months and months my brain had nothing! no ideas! no thoughts! no anything other than the darkest fucking shit to say if it did have a thought at all! i’m so, so tired. i don’t want to talk. i just don’t. and i’m tired of feeling like i’m being ridiculous when really not saying anything feels like self preservation.

[breadstickysquid]

Haha I wrote something unedited before the stream and I'll uh. I thought it'd be cool to share it!

9/10/2023 (RANBOO REBRAND DAY!!)

Alright so, I can’t focus on my schoolwork rn because im too excited so heres an essay on how finding ranboolive changed my life for the better.

Early 2020, I had been watching mostly Wilbur soot, but had fallen out of interest as my mental health declined with the start of one of the worst years of school I’ve had that fall. I was having an absolutely rotten time. I only had 1-2 friends who I saw/talked to maybe once every few months, my classmates were apathetic to me, I was extremely gender dysphoric (though I didn’t know it at the time). I was quite frankly a danger to myself. It was.. bad. But one day, I was procrastinating on schoolwork by browsing youtube and I stumbled across Ranboo’s “spooky’s jumpscare mansion” video. I watched it and was instantly hooked. I’d have been on youtube for YEARS before then, but something about Ranboo’s content and community (though small compared to today’s given that I found him early October of 2020) made me feel warm and welcome, less lonely. It became an escape. I’d turn on vods in the background or tune into streams live while I chipped away at the workload that had me on knife’s edge for my depression and anxiety.

Things still sucked for awhile. I’d watch streams, seeing ranboo interact with others, and yearn for friends like that. In march of 2021, I finally took the leap and joined twitter, hoping to find people who liked watching Ranboo as much as I did. I did find those people, but social anxiety got a hold of me and would erase any words I wanted to say to fellow boobers. I did however, meet my best friend, which is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. (today, we are queerplatonic partners <3)

I had a chunk of time when I felt guilty about spending so much time online, and I stopped watching ranboo for awhile (the beginning of the beeduo meetup), but eventually I ended up coming back (it’s the neurodivergency oops), and though I still didn’t make any Ranboo viewer friends, I had a few friends that I introduced to also watching ranboo, just so I could infodump to them. By the time a year had passed since I started watching ranboo, I had a friend group again, and I saw other boobers talking about mental health and gender, and I actually realized I needed to reach out for help, and I started taking medication and doing therapy.

By 2022, I had reconnected with IRL friends, and was seeing people outside of my imidiate family more than once every few months for the first time in around 2 years. I ended up finally getting my grubby little paws on having a discord account, and lurked in the Rancord for ages. I never talked- I was too scared to, I thought I’d be seen as lame or something (that’s so stupid thinking back, all boobers are lame [lovingly] yaknow) but I also dragged my best friend into slowly starting to consume ranboo content, and I started realizing “hey, I could do this content creation stuff too” and I started to research things.

2023. now over 2 years of watching ranboo, and I’ve watched them grow as a person alongside me. It made my heart warm. I was happy, I was seeing my IRL friends every week, I lost count of how many friends I had, I was getting decent grades and had started adhd medication :D

Generation loss released, and became my entire personality for two months. It is one of my special interests still, and has lead to me and my friends making our own horror series, which we are very proud of. I think I’ve watched generation loss all the way through at least 15 times by this point. Once, I watched it 3 times back-to-back in 2 days, making friends watch it. I found other boobers, and converted a bunch of my friends to booberism. I feel tad bit bad or weird for having my main special interest literally be some funnyman on the internet, but the past 3 years have had both the worst and the very best moments of my life.

As of today, I have more good days than bad days. I’m working on making a brand to follow my dreams and start streaming (my “what’s up danger moment” as I’ve been calling it), to make fun stuff with friends. I am a born entertainer. When I watch ranboo streams, I see things I can try for my content, I see things I would do the same and differently, I see how to set things up. Sure, I’m terrified to start, but I’ll never know if I succeed if I never do it. As I write this part, it is about 1 hour and 40 minutes until the Ranbrand stream. My chest hurts from excitement. I cannot put into words how much ranboo and their community matters to me. It has influenced my life forever in a positive way, and it will continue to do so long into the future, even when/if ranboo retires from content creation.

I look forward to many more fun times with the boobers and the boob king, and perhaps even having those experiences for myself. When I think about streaming, I can’t see my flaws, I don’t have that little voice degrading me in my head. I can only think about myself positively, and I have ranboo and the boobers to thank for that.

It’s the start of a new era. Its bittersweet and nostalgic, but change is inevitable and good. Both ranboo and I have grown as people, becoming better versions of our best selves, and gaining confidence. I see life now, and I see the beauty of it, not the grime. I can never thank him enough.

Everyone is so kind and nice and sweet I just feel like theres so much love going around its amazing :( thank you guys for making these last 3 years just incredible

[nightcall99]

Dreams from 17.8.24

Dream 1: I was about to do an exam. Time in this dream seemed to flow as with waking life, so it's like I was actually there going through this. I walked into the hall to find a seat. It was communal tables where people sat in groups instead of the usual exam conditions where you have individual desks. Most of the tables were full and I approached a table where a guy (but don't know irl) was sitting that I had some history with, but didn't like. I think he make a few jabs at me and I tried to sit as far away from him as possible. Somehow I had notice of what the exam question was going to be and so I had prepared an essay in advance and memorised it. I knew this was the only way to pass since I am terrible at thinking on the spot. I looked inside my pencil case deciding on what writing utensil to use. I had a mechanical pencil and lead refills which weren't in a case, just lying at the bottom. The lead was thicker than usual. I though it would be a good idea to use a pencil since I'd be able to erase things but I was still undecided. I asked the girl next to me, Should I use a pencil or pen? She was like, When have you ever needed to erase anything, just use a pen. I think she was trying to say that I'm a senior student who has been doing exams for awhile and should know what's up by now. I took her advice. But then the pen turned into a flat type of rock and when I looked around everyone was writing their essays with this rock and it was normal.

I was trying to remember my pre-written essay to write it down but I couldn’t. It didn't help having all these people in close proximity, which was distracting and there was just random noise happening like people talking and stuff. I couldn't remember any of it. I tried to think of things to write on the spot but I just couldn't at all. I got so frustrated that I burst out loud telling everyone to shut up and they did. But it didn't help, my memory was shot and so was any creativity. I ended up writing some stuff but I knew that none of it made any sense. I had no idea what I was saying. I didn't even re-read what I was writing because I knew it'd make my anxiety worse knowing it was not good. I knew the essay I'd pre-written was so much better. A bunch of time passed and I'd almost written a page. I think the duration of this exam was 1.5 hours, around that. Then I realised that the essay I'd prepared was right there, slotted into my exercise book. If only I could just take a peek, just to jog my memory but there was no way I would be able to do it without getting caught. The teacher even came by and reprimanded me for using the exercise book to write in in the first place. I should have used a loose page. He said, There’s all sorts of things in there that would be helping you out. He didn't know I had the essay in there but he was talking about notes from classes. He wasn't happy but he said, Give me two 25 word paragraphs and you’re done. I said, Ok.

I'd still barely completed a page and it was terrible. I was writing a new paragraph now trying to a expand on a new point which I had mentioned at the start. I realised I had hardly addressed any of things I said I would in my intro. In the intro I made mention of 5-6 things to discuss. I just kept thinking about how my sentences were so disjointed and my handwriting looked so weird, like a child's scrawl. Even the chick next to mentioned it when she looked over. I said my handwriting changes sometimes especially when I’m stressed. This feeling came over me, like I was cheating but not in the typical dishonest sense. It just did not feel like 'me' doing this exam, it's like I was cheating myself. My mental faculties were just not there and it's like I'd anticipated this happening.

(This is basically what happens to me irl, but exaggerated to bring the point across. I've always struggled with 3D when other people didn't)

Scene 1: A bunch of travel medicines, was it for me? Yeah I guess I was going away. I saw doxy (malaria prevention). wasn’t sure I needed them but took them.

Scene 2: "An active mountain is moving closer to your house"

[wingsofescape]

DVD Commentary: "They’re trying to erase history.” Ed sounded horrified. “Anything that could counter their arguments would be destroyed, so it looks like everyone agreed with them.”

“You got it. They’re taking books and works from universities, too. Al told me–”

Winry froze. The sound of a body slamming against the wall rang in her ears, followed by Ed’s furious sneer.

“You know where Al is?!”

———————————————

“I’m sorry,” Fritz said as he rearranged his monocle and massaged his shoulder. “Al told me not to say anything until you’d gotten your drinking under control. I was going to tell you tonight.”

“How did you even know–”

Fritz cast him a long look. “Edward. No offence, but it was becoming glaringly obvious.

“Al called me the night he left. He asked me to keep an eye on you in case things got really bad. He hoped you would have a wake-up call and finally quit, but he was worried it might be your breaking point, too.”

Ed stared at him, feeling every muscle relax one by one and his anger be washed away in a syphoning sound of relief and shame.

Al was okay. Al still cared enough to ask Fritz to keep an eye out for him. Al had been worried about his shitty excuse of a brother. It made Ed’s heart break into a million fragments, a kaleidoscope of undeserved love and crushing guilt.

“Where- where is he?” He croaked." What were some other Fritz scenes that you considered for this? What behind the scenes can you share between Al and Fritz and what it was like for Fritz to watch his friend/employee descend into alcoholism and then later be left alone with no clue about a sobriety journey? Very intrigued!!

Hello hello and thank you for your question!

SO (I had to dig out my outlining notebook for this) in the very first version Fritz was supposed to voluntarily say that he had heard from Al and that would be the thing that prompted Ed's recovery and withdrawal process. But then I thought that Ed's motivation had to be as internal as possible and it would make more sense to have him already started the process and hearing about Al is the thing that prompts him to really take his recovery seriously. Also I found the thought of Fritz getting slam-dunked into a wall for hiding stuff really funny.

On another note I find Fritz's dual function as both comedic relief but also historical exposition really fun to use. He gets thrown into a wall but we also get to learn about the world in 1933 and his struggle as a Jewish person living in Nazi Germany. His divorce with Thea Harbou was finalised on April 20th, 1933, and she did give a pro-choice speech a few years prior. And yes, his meeting with Goebbels actually happened (also parallels a similar meeting Winry had in her past hint hint if you've read chapter 11)

That's a very good question! Fritz has known Ed since Ed was 18 and Al since he was a teenager. He's watched them both grow into adulthood and likely used Ed for research purposes into his films (he had Oberth as a consultant for Woman On The Moon IRL). He's seen Ed struggle to find the balance between being a brother but also having to parent Al through the teenage years, he's seen Ed be in love with Noah and have a home with her and Al and seen that home be obliterated by Ed's own actions. I'm sure Fritz has both facilitated the drinking (after all, he and Thea used to throw huge parties) until he realised it was becoming a problem. Then he likely tried to have conversations with Ed - and I'm sure Al also came to him and expressed his worries about Ed - which Ed probably shut down and dismissed. Ed and Al also travelled quite a bit so I'm sure there have been times where Fritz was anxiously wondering if they were both okay.

So I don't think he was surprised when Al called him. Relieved in a way for Al, I think. But probably just as terrified for Ed as Al was, and it must have been hard not to incessantly call Ed to check up on him and tell him to get his act together. Ed (behind the scenes) went on a complete bender and didn't answer any calls post-chapter 1 so Fritz was extremely relieved to hear his voice and have an excuse to get him to come to set (namely Winry). And Fritz also recognised the potential between Ed and Winry and called Ed a jerk before he could do irreparable damage to his relationship with her.

Anyway before I write another novel, I hope this answered any curiosities!

[something-about-sunflowers]

I appreciate you taking the time to answer but respectfully “Izzy doesn’t have the power to hurt Ed/didn’t say *what*” he was going to do” does not land for me. I was once “threatened” by a coworker IRL (I use quotes because my boss said “idfk why this guy would say something this creepy”) and his comments were easily as ambiguous as what Izzy said. “Better watch your step” is a power play, a reminder of your place. (1/2)

[And maybe Izzy was powerless because everyone hated him, but everyone hated this guy too, and he felt desperate enough to look me in the eyes and pull the institutional violence choke chain. Small, petty little men can still hurt you. I won’t bother you anymore and I appreciate your time, but I cannot go down an endless mental rabbit hole of semantics. I did not carry a box cutter in my work coat pocket for a year over semantics. (2/2)]

Anon, genuinely, I'm very sorry you had to deal with that. I've been through something similar, not the same, but similar enough I can commiserate.

That said? It's really. . . not the same? And I think you're maybe projecting your own feelings onto the characters in ways that don't entirely fit, given the context? Because the context is important.

I'm sorry, I suppose, that my response didn't 'land' for you but, like, that doesn't erase the validity of what I said? In the context of the show, where this all matters, Izzy can't actually hurt Ed. Point blank. His threat is an empty one because he can't act on it. I'm not saying Ed didn't treat like it was an actual threat (Though I will maintain that premeditated, hours after the fact, maiming isn't the go-to response to a threat, and I think that sheds some light onto how Ed perceived it, regardless of his words.), only that Izzy talks a lot of shit but won't follow through.

Its not 'maybe Izzy is powerless because everybody hates him', he was literally going to die because everybody hates him. That's the text. He is powerless on The Revenge. Sure, 'watch your step' is a power-play but Izzy has no power to back it up. He is not your co-worker who lives in the modern world, where 'murdering a guy you don't like/who insulted you/who threatened you' is frowned upon. He's a pirate. I'm sorry it seems like your co-worker got away with his shitty behavior (its hard to tell with your phrasing) but Izzy is not your shitty co-worker.

Its not 'semantics' to point out when someone is making an empty threat. And I think its poor form to base your media analysis on your trauma informed interpretation (as in, you are viewing it through a biased lens because of this traumatic thing that happened to you), and to dismiss other reads because they 'don't land' with you. Again, I'm sorry this happened to you, I wish it hadn't, but this is not the same situation.

[arcadianmoonshadowjedi]

ROTT Thoughts

I know that there's a lot of heat in the TOA fandom and mixed opinions on the ROTT ending and other parts of the movie. Honestly I'm totally cool with everyone whether they enjoyed or disliked all of it, or parts of it, but here are some of my honest opinions. Most importantly, I do NOT condone any attacks on the team that created the movie or anyone with a different opinion.

⚠️ Spoilers and a LOOOOONG post below!

Ok so I'll be completely honest, for the most part, I enjoyed the movie until the very end. I loved the animation and the score and the overall plot with the titans. I loved all the fight scenes with the titans and seeing Nari being a badass!

And of course all the characters arcs minus Mpreg Steve (that was super creepy and ruined Staja in the movie) and I also feel like Eli barely did anything. It just felt like reverse character development for them esp after seeing them grow in the TOA series.

Everyone else was great! I loved seeing Jim lose his confidence after reverting back to a human and no longer having Merlin's amulet and seeing him grow to see himself as a capable hero. Claire was a total badass with her shadow magic! Ofc Jlaire was amazing as always!! I loved seeing Douxie with his cool magic. And the Gun Robot giant was AMAZING!! And the Excalibur scene was fantastic!!

Now I'll get to the death scenes. Each and every one made me an emotional mess! Especially since Nomura and Strickler started out as antagonists and grew so much! And I was excited that Strickler and Barbara were finally getting married (I thought the movie would end with their wedding 😭💔). And Toby's death hit me so hard! I absolutely loved his scene where he went to disable Bellroc's magic! And him dying in sacrifice was so beautiful and emotional.

Now to the end. I absolutely hated it and pretend it never happened. For me it felt like a slap in the face. For me, the TOA series were perfect for the most part! There was so much character development, magnificent plot, lots of adventure, romance and friendship, such an amazing story. And with that ending, it just felt like it threw everything out of the window. Like Jim's the only one who remembers everything, like apparently all TOA was just his dream. But what about everyone else? Like Claire? Their romance and her devotion to Jim? Her growth from a popular girl who tries so hard to please her parents and watching her grow and mature throughout the series and become a badass with shadow magic? Steve growing from a bully to a creepslayer and being with Aja? Eli growing from being bullied to Earth's ambassador on Akiridion 5? Aja and Krel coming to Earth and joining the gang? Douxie joining the gang? Jims friendship with Blinky and Draal?? Toby's friendship with Aaarrrgghh and his beautiful sacrifice to save the world?

Speaking of Toby, I strongly disagree with the whole 'he was nothing more than comic relief an a sidekick to Jim' rhetoric in the fandom. Yes he maybe a comic relief sidekick but he rocks his war hammer and has helped Jim with alot of missions. He helped Jim kill Angor Rot, he found the birthstone, he destroyed the shadow staff, and he shined a lot in 3below too! These are a few of the things he's done but honestly he's the best sidekick and best friend I've seen written in fiction and got so much character development leading up to his sacrifice in ROTT. Yes there are points for improvement but that doesn't deny that he's a badass character! And the ending erased all of that too! I get that him becoming the trollhunter seems 'Toby rights' but I feel that with how the entire show was written, it just went against both Toby and Jim's characters.

Like why would Jim throw all this load on his best friend? Especially after accepting his destiny and responsibility as trollhunter? Why would he throw away his relationship with Claire after all they've been through? There was so much loss throughout the series, like Jim losing Draal, Aja and Krel losing their own parents, Douxie losing Merlin who was his own father-figure?! They were extremely painful but each of them had to move on and grow while still honoring their lost loved ones. I know Tobes was super important to Jim but I feel like he should've been able to grow and move on and honor his friend for the rest of his life. Or for writing purposes, for a happier storyline, maybe the kronosphere could've been used to save Toby and maybe even Strickler and Nomura as well without resetting the whole entire timeline of TOA. Since ROTT was finale for all of TOA, maybe a fast forward to when they rebuilt Arcadia and are finally living happier adult lives would've felt so satisfying, it would symbolize growth and happiness even after the worst apocalypse like the one they were in (Even irl people grow after a war or natural disaster, despite the trauma). But the problem with ending we got was that it not only erased all the events of TOA, but it left us with an indefinite plot hole which was completely unsatisfying and feels like a reverse growth. It left me feeling bitter and empty rather than saying goodbye to my faves on positive note.

Hopefully this clarifies why I (and perhaps others in the fandom) feel very negative about the way it ended. If you've read this far, thank you much for taking the time to read my opinion and rants, and excuse any typos I might have, I typed this on my phone on low sleep lol! 😅

[writingwithcolor]

Hey! I’m currently writing a Jewish character and was wondering if this would be offensive: my character has a family where her mother is Jewish but her father celebrates Christmas, so they fuse their holiday celebrations to bring their two families together for any holidays that fall in line with eachother. Would this be a problem? I’m basing her off of irl friends who’s family does this, but I want to make sure it doesn’t seem like I’m erasing her Jewish heritage and pride. Thanks so much!

Celebrating Hanukkah & Christmas in interfaith family

No problems from me other than to note that I hope you meant to say that they're both celebrated, not that they're literally "combined." Because putting Christian ritual into a Jewish holiday would bug me, as a reader, but someone watching Mom light the menorah before going out caroling with Dad would not--for example. Does that make sense? There are plenty of interfaith families out there that do both, but keeping the actual practices separate is the best way to keep the Jewish ones Jewish. (And in my example I was picturing both parents there for each activity, so it's not like I'm calling for that much separation -- just, not bringing up "the meaning of Christmas" while you're literally telling the Chanukah story.

You may also want to decide if the character themselves is drawn in one direction or the other, or neither yet. (You said "Jewish heritage and pride" so from this I gather that's how she believes? In that case, is Christmas totally just a fun secular thing for her or is it something she regards as an outsider, religiously speaking?)

--Shira

I'm going to start by saying that interfaith families exist, and have a variety of ways of expressing their combination of cultures. I'm absolutely not here to argue with that, be negative about that very real way of life, or invalidate those experiences in the slightest. 

With that being said... people outside our community really, really love to show us celebrating Christmas, and Easter, and eating bacon, or doing anything else that might code us as assimilated (regardless of our internal identities). These are things that some Jewish people do, and I think it's absolutely good to show the breadth of the community, and the varied ways we express ourselves, but I do not, at all, trust someone outside the community to do that mindfully. 

In wider media, whether books, television, movies etc. Jewish characters are so often shown to be either assimilated, or from an interfaith family. Interfaith does not necessarily mean assimilated of course! But the fact of their interfaith relationship is often used as a convenient way to get the Jewish character into situations that are intended to show how "not really" Jewish they are. There is an obsession with showing us as assimilated, a delight that is taken in trying to prove that we either are exactly the same as the broader culture, or that our differences can be erased and eroded until we are. 

A Jewish person remains Jewish, whether they go to a Christmas party or not, whether they have shrimp at dinner or not, whether they marry a non-Jewish person or not, but the intent behind constantly showing Jewish characters doing this is suspect to me. This asker may not have this ill-intent, but frankly, it's hard to come by a character, written by a non-Jewish person, that says "I'm Jewish" in the beginning of a work, and then "oh, no thank you, I don't celebrate Christmas" in the middle, let alone even continuing to say "I'm Jewish" by the end.

When I read a work about interfaith families, and their specific traditions by a person inside the community, or coming from an interfaith background themselves, I'm interested, happy to learn about the characters, and their lives. When I read a work like that by someone outside the community it leaves me with a bitter taste in my mouth, and the feeling that even fictional versions of us are being gleefully, voyeuristically, intentionally assimilated.

-- Dierdra

1) If your character is invested in their Jewish heritage, celebrating Chanukah is not enough to show this. Please please please research our other holidays and traditions, talk to Jewish people who feel the same level of connection to their Jewish roots, consume #OwnVoices materials.

2) Agree with Dierdra that interfaith families exist and deserve representation, but that writing an assimilated character requires a lot of research and sensitivity; any blatant disregard of halacha should probably be avoided in case it is consumed in that voyeuristic way by the reader.

3) And with Christmas in particular, you can be close to touching a nerve because not all Jewish people have fond memories of Christmas, to say the least. To people of minority faiths, it can be the time when our othering is the most blatant and impactful (we’ve included some personal stories below). 

It would be best to listen to many Jewish experiences of December shenanigans, from people who celebrate Christmas partially or fully, to those who are indifferent, to those who have mainly negative associations and memories.

-- Shoshi

Our personal experiences with Christmas (Jewish Mods)

Also, as a note from all of us, discussing this question brought up so many stories about our own experiences with Christmas, and the culture surrounding it.  A selection of them are below, just to give an idea of what it can be like:

- Just not having lights up was enough to get our neighbor asking our then roommate if we were "you know... sorta..." When our roommate confirmed that we are indeed Jewish, he reassured him that it was "fine." It didn't feel fine to be told that though. I also had a neighbor ask what we were doing for Christmas once, and I said "oh, we do Chanukah in this house" just to keep it casual. She excitedly yelled back "JEWS!!" Even without Covid I was getting to the point where December was just a month where I tried to stay in, and avoid getting grumpy at people who are just enjoying their holiday (they just happen to be enjoying it everywhere, all the time. And sometimes kind of aggressively). God forbid you correct someone when they wish you a Merry Christmas. 

- Me too, it's the marketing, it's so aggressive. Last year I got so fed up with Christmas music being on in the office that I decided to bring a dreidel and spin it casually on my desk throughout the day, just so that my own space could feel like it was somewhat reserved for my own identity, you know? On day two of this, a colleague I didn't know that well came up to me and said, "Please could you stop doing that? It's really loud." I wanted to yell "NOT AS LOUD AS YOUR MUSIC!", but I didn't, I just stopped spinning it because I'm a darn pushover at times. I had to sit through my first hand-wringing 'how will we do Christmas with Covid?' conversation in about September, even though Pesach and Eid were both during the height of lockdown in this country and no one said a thing until after the fact. 

- I've had people scoff, and sniff, and make snide comments to my face in my old workplace when I politely reminded them that I don't celebrate Christmas. It can get so uncomfortable, just existing in the world, and Christmas can end up a really miserable time. 

[cenestpasaudrey]

Review: Teen Wolf

I started watching Teen Wolf two Saturdays ago (May 29th?? I think) because I was bored out of my mind and I wanted something entertaining and light that I could listen to while I work on my work files. I was actually thinking of just playing The Vampire Diaries in the background since I've already watched it a couple of times but it was gone on Netflix. Then I checked out the recommended list of similar stuff and then I found Teen Wolf; so I was like, hey, why not.

Luckily (but not surprisingly), I liked it. Also, I found out that I finished the series during its actual 10th year anniversary which is dope. If I was watching it during its actual run, I think I would have been a little obsessed with it.

Few episodes in, I swear I really was like "Stiles is such a great friend! I want him as my friend." a couple of times. He's one of my favorites and I liked watching him so much that during the time when Void Stiles happen, I could totally feel how dark the episodes were. He's like one of the sources of comedy in the entire series and I felt that that was taken away too. Regretfully, he was missing during most of season 6 and to be honest if I was watching this during the actual run, it would've affected me. Deeply. The episodes that made me cry was when they were trying to remember his character because he was erased (6x8 & 6x9).

My second favorite character was Malia Tate. She's just so candid and frank. She has no filter which made her actions and suggestions either funny or ridiculously rude and yet, she didn't care. She had her own agendas and issues to deal with but her loyalty to the pack was always there. I loved her highlighter scenes and you could tell that she really was like Stiles in a way. When Dylan O' Brien was not present, she brought a lot of the comedic essence in the show.

My third favorite was Danny Mahealani because he was just so loyal to Jackson and at the same time, was a funny and kind character to others. He's a nonjudgmental character to the point that he knew his friends had supernatural powers and he didn't do anything about it. He just went by as if everything was normal and treat them exactly the same. Too bad he had to leave after season 3.

I think one of the things that separate Teen Wolf from the other supernatural series/show/movies that I've watched is that they've dealt with money problems. Like sure, Scott McCall was really powerful because he was the "True Alpha" but he had real life problems as well which couldn't be solved with him being a werewolf. Despite all the adventures that both him and Stiles had surpassed, there were still some issues that they can't get away from like hospital bills, rent and other stuff money-wise.

I agree that the ending is quite open-ended and there are still stories to tell about the characters. (Step-brother for Scott, maybe? Haha.) But I probably have a different reason why I want another season/movie/whatever. I wanted an extension because I wanted to see to it that that SOB Tamora Monroe got what she deserved. Haha. I hate her! Possibly because she was a guidance counselor who disguises herself as a concerned person but is really a big hypocrite trash that every word she let out is total BS. Like, she hated the sheriff for covering up the real identities of the people saving their small city but Gerard Argent hiding some things from her was fine. Girrrrl.🤨

Lastly, for the ships, I started to ship Malia with Scott when he was able to make her transform into a human after being a coyote/werecoyote for 8 years. I was like this is totally a meet cute. I mean, with all due respect from Stalia (I like them too but I really was going for Stydia because I think they were totally endgame), I thought that they could be together and that would be awesome and they did! I was like... "Finally! A show that pulled through!!! A good slow burn romantic relationship with no one dying on their wedding day, no one had to sacrifice his/her life to save a family member and no one had to be a gossip monger website administrator irl."😤

Okay, gun to the head, I ship Scalia but I ship Shelley Hennig and Tyler Posey more--not in an obsessive way, of course. Just in a "if-they-would-be-together-that-would-be-nice" way.

Anyway that's it. Photos ctto.

Rating: 4/5🌟

[ethanesimp]

TORNA DA ME // ONE

Pairing:  Damiano David x Med Student Fem! Reader

Warnings: Swearing, things that would never happen irl

Word Count: 5.1k 

Summary: Y/N’s big decision and how it affects her life.

Masterlist

Series Masterlist

A/N: I made sure to remove every description that was too specific to the OC (ex. eye color, skin tone, etc.) but please let me know if I missed one. There are some specific things regarding family members that I couldn’t remove without them eventually changing/messing up the plot later on. I’m really sorry about that :(

Previous

-Winter Fourteen-

The New Year was supposed to be all about changing perspectives and clean slates. It was the only time of the year where everyone could try and have a fresh start. Y/N thought of it as bullshit, but for the first time, she was willing to listen and try to have a fresh start herself.

Ever since she could remember, Y/N had spent most of her afternoons at the music conservatory close to her father's workplace, learning everything there was to know about the violin, an instrument her family had played for years. Her mother had started teaching her the basics as soon as she turned two years old. While playing was something she loved and was very good at, no part of Y/N thought of it as the thing she wanted to spend her whole life doing.

She knew all about how her mother had been in different orchestras growing up until she became a soloist, and eventually a famous violinist in her country. Truth be told, it sounded like an amazing thing, but something about following in those footsteps had never felt right.

Y/N never fully understood why until she was introduced to anatomy class during her second year of middle school. She was brilliant at it and loved to hear all about the different functions a human body had and just how much work it took to do even the simplest of tasks. She'd spend all her free time reading more about it in a book she'd convinced her parents into buying or ones she found at the local library. It didn't take long for her to fall in love with it all to the point where, if she wasn't reading, she'd surely be watching videos about it on YouTube.

Then, out of nowhere came the thought that had caused many sleepless nights and confusion to arise. She didn't know when the thought had originated exactly, but it had been roaming her mind for a while... She wanted to get into Med School. The more she found herself thinking and investigating about it, the happier she became with the idea. It didn't help that she'd gotten Medicine as one of her best matches in an aptitude test they'd done for fun during their last day of school before winter break.

Y/N still hadn't told Damiano a thing and she was dreading doing so after the way her parents reacted to the news. He was her best friend though, and she needed a second opinion on the matter. Damiano was the perfect person to give her one because he knew her better than her parents and wasn’t as biased as they were.

That was the only reason why she finally convinced herself to whisk him away from her family's annual New Year's party a few minutes after the clock hit twelve-thirty. He followed Y/N to her room without complaining and sat on her bed quietly as she paced around the room. She needed to find the perfect way to break the news to him in hopes that he wouldn't freak out the way her parents had.

"Damià" She stuttered out after a few minutes of silence, "I have something to tell you but it's kind of important so I need you to be as serious as possible about this as you can."

Once she stopped talking, Y/N saw it all over his face that he was more than ready to make a joke, so she interrupted before he could even open his mouth, "I'm serious, Damiano. One joke and I tell your Nonna what happened to the porcelain vase she bought in Paris during her honeymoon."

"Oh, wow. That serious, huh?" He questioned playfully, but immediately erased the teasing smirk on his face when he saw Y/N shooting daggers right at him. Damiano raised his hands in defeat, "Fine, I'll shut up. Just, please stop walking all over the place. It's making me nauseous."

Damiano gestured at the empty spot beside him. She climbed on the bed and made him sit so they were facing each other. Y/N grabbed one of his hands and toyed around with the ring on his index finger to stop herself from shaking or stuttering much because, even though the stutter had faded as she grew, it still took her a huge effort to string sentences together whenever she was nervous.

"O-Okay, so... I'm most likely leaving the conservatory," She finally confessed, "As you know... I barely have time to even eat after school because I spend most of the afternoon at the conservatory every day. It's taken a huge toll on my grades and I cannot let that happen now that I've started High School."

"Listen I-I've given this a lot of thought, but I'm almost a hundred percent sure that I want to get into Med School. I uh... don't think the violin thing is for me, not anymore at least," Y/N finished.

He stayed silent for a while, not because he was shocked or disappointed. In fact, he kind of saw it coming when she slowly started replacing her music sheets with diagrams and science infographics. Damiano just needed a second to find the right words because, by the way her hand was shaking and her eyes were focused on him, he could tell that his opinion was important to her.

"Se è questo che ti rende felice, penso che sia un'idea eccellente. Hai tutto il mio appoggio amore," He responded simply and gave her hand a firm squeeze of reassurance. (If that's what makes you happy, I think it's an excellent idea. You have all my support love.)

"Sul serio?" She asked. Damiano seemed calm and not shocked at all by her decision. (Seriously?)

He nodded and was about to say something else when she threw herself into his arms unexpectedly. Damiano laughed as he fell back onto the bed. She kissed both his cheeks repeatedly and then his forehead.

Once she stopped kissing his face, Damiano spoke once again, "Of course I'm serious. Not gonna lie, I think I saw it coming a long time ago. You looked happier after your first Anatomy and Physiology class than I've ever seen you after a violin lesson."

Eventually, she rolled off him and just laid in his arms while he rubbed her back, "Have you told your parents yet?" Damiano wondered after a bit of silence.

Y/N sighed but nodded, "Yeah, honestly wish I hadn't said a thing."

"I get they didn't take it too well, did they?" She shrugged and went back to playing with the ring on Damiano's finger.

"I mean, dad didn't say much, you know how he is. Mamá on the other hand freaked out. I swear she almost used her whole repertoire of swear words in Spanish. Said I was throwing my future at the conservatory away to focus on something that I'll probably stop liking once the time comes for me to get into college."

Y/N's mother, an elegant Mexican woman was always the face of serenity. Her eyes were calm and warm, and her smile was always soft. But God protect whoever dared to make her mad. All that kindness easily transformed into hostility. While she'd never dare raise her hand at anyone, much less her daughter, the woman was still sort of terrifying.

"She's probably right, I don't know," Y/N rambled, knowing Damiano wouldn't mind, "I do get terrified every once in a while when I think about the fact that I'll be studying very well into my late twenties, but then I think about all I would be able to learn and all the people I could hopefully help and it seems so worth it."

Damiano nodded along to her words, "I mean yeah. If it's something you love, you won't even notice time passing by. Besides, you're one year ahead so you've got that to your advantage, right? You'd be a year younger than everyone once you finish."

"And if you do end up studying until you're like thirty-three, I'll do everything in my power to help you keep your sanity and make you enjoy your youth," He added with a large grin. Y/N rolled her eyes. It sounded like a joke, but she knew he was telling the truth.

-Spring Seventeen-

It was already a few minutes past four in the afternoon and Y/N was still sitting at her desk as she'd been since very early in the morning. She flipped through one of the many flashcard packets she'd made and repeated all the information out loud to try and memorize as much as she could.

Y/N was about to present what could be a life-changing exam. She had always thought there wasn't such a thing, that her future would never depend on a few sheets of paper, but it turned out that there was.

While she'd allowed others to think she wasn't nervous or dreading it, on the inside Y/N was going insane. She had spent years working towards her dream and the test was the one thing that would make or break all her hard work. It was an absurd thing to place all her worth into one thing, especially when she'd spent so long separating her grades from her self-worth. Yet, it was the very thing she couldn't get out of her head.

Someone knocked on the door softly. Y/N sighed in relief, thankful to get her thoughts interrupted before chaotic scenarios where she failed the test started playing in her head, "Come in."

A few seconds later, a plate of food and a cup of mint tea were placed on her desk. Without looking away from the flashcards, she mumbled, "Thanks mom, but I'm not hungry."

"God, you really are out of it, aren't you?" A voice she knew all too well spoke. She turned around in her chair and almost squealed in excitement when she saw Damiano. Y/N didn't hesitate to jump out of her chair and into his open arms.

She wrapped her legs around his waist and pressed her forehead against his. It'd been weeks since they had seen each other after he left on vacation with his family for almost a whole month and seeing him had already lifted her mood and made her forget all about the negative thoughts that clouded her mind just a few minutes earlier.

"I missed you," Y/N told him before placing a quick kiss on his cheek.

Damiano kissed her forehead and smiled, "I missed you too, cara mia," He said and put her back down. A frown appeared on his face the moment he saw the dark circles underneath her eyes. She looked exhausted.

"So, how's studying going?" Y/N shot him a knowing look, fully aware that he'd started to worry. She shrugged her shoulders and sighed before sitting back down and picking up the flashcards from her desk.

She scratched the back of her neck, "It could be uh... going better. I guess?"

"Why don't you try and take a break?" Damiano suggested. He understood better than anyone why she worked so hard, he knew about her constant fear of her efforts not being enough when they mattered most, but even Damiano wasn't blind to the fact that she was starting to overwork herself, which would do her no good.

Y/N shook her head, "I don't need one. I'm doing fine, I promise."

Damiano gave her a pointed look, which she didn't even acknowledge because she was too concentrated on trying to learn the information in front of her. He sighed, knowing it was useless to try and convince her because she was far too stubborn. He took off the boots he'd been wearing and let himself fall on her bed, "Fine then, I'll stay here until you take a break and eat something."

He grabbed the first thing that was at the very top of a small pile of books she kept on the nightstand and almost laughed to himself when he saw it was another Agatha Christie book because he swore those were the only ones she read.

Every once in a while, he'd stop flipping the pages and would glance at her. Y/N found it amusing and just a tad bit endearing that he'd actually spend all afternoon sitting on her bed while flipping through a book he didn't give a shit about if that was what it took to make sure she was fine. She shook her head and bit her lip, then went back to revising the cards.

"Adoro il tuo sorriso," Damiano commented after a few minutes of silence. He could tell Y/N had been holding back a smile while she tried to keep studying and he found it entertaining to tease her just enough to distract her and make her laugh. (I love your smile.)

"Stai zitto," She responded and finally laughed, unable to hold it back, "Mi stai distraendo." (Shut up... you're distracting me.)

"Sei tu quella che mi distrae sempre," He fired back and nudged her shoulder. Her jaw fell wide open and she placed a hand over her heart to feign offense. Damiano rolled his eyes at that and shook his head. (You're the one who always distracts me.)

"That's a dirty lie and you know it, Damià. Now leave, I need to finish studying this section before dinner."

"Oh, c'mon, just a quick break. You've been studying since... when? Like seven in the morning?" Damiano insisted as he sat down on her bed and flipped through the flashcards she'd spent weeks making. They were all color-coded and kept separated in different piles according to the topic.

He tried to read one and smiled when he noticed the small doodles she'd drawn all over them to try and retain the information better. It was a little thing she'd done ever since they were in kindergarten trying to learn numbers, colors, and shapes. He'd taken on the habit himself and would often draw small doodles on pages with song lyrics he'd written.

"You're not going to leave until I listen to you, are you?" Damiano shook his head, which made her sigh, "Fine."

She climbed on the bed and sat down next to Damiano, who looked more than pleased. Y/N rolled her eyes and ate while she listened to him excitedly talk about his vacation and everything he'd done since winter break started. He sounded the most excited about how his band had found a local contest for bands and they were going to participate in it soon.

They were both similar in their level of ambition when it came to making their dreams come true. They worked hard and now both Damiano and Y/N were one step closer to making what they wished for reality. He'd found a band with ideals that matched his, with people he loved and was close to. She'd finally let go of all the doubts that held her back and was going to make the big jump and try to get into one of the best colleges in the city to study Medicine.

It was an exciting yet scary thing, but they knew that no matter what happened, they'd always have their best friend to turn to for love and support. For some strange reason, that seemed to ease them enough to forget about what could go wrong. At least for a while.

"So yeah... Oh! And before I forget, make sure to have tonight free, yeah? We're eating out with the guys," Y/N looked back at her best friend with a slightly annoyed look and was about to open her mouth to complain when he spoke again, "Nope, don't even try to get out of it, I promised. Besides, they miss you."

She rolled her eyes but didn't say a thing because she also missed the three people she'd gotten closer to ever since they started playing with Damiano. Y/N already knew Victoria and Thomas because they were only two years below her in school and one below Damiano. They'd hang out together sometimes and were part of the same circle of friends. While she hadn't met Ethan before, they instantly became good friends thanks to their mutual love for books and similar sense of humor.

"I seriously hate you sometimes," She admitted jokingly, only to receive a cheeky grin in return, "But fine, I miss them too. Could we take a nap before we have to go, though? Honestly, I'm exhausted."

Damiano laughed but nodded nonetheless. He opened his arms and beckoned for her to get closer, "Sure, c'mere."

After placing the dirty dishes on the nightstand, Y/N laid down right next to him, with her head comfortably placed on his chest and his arms wrapped around her waist. With the help of Damiano's soft humming and the warmth of his body against hers, it didn't take long for her to fall asleep. He just stroked her hair and kept humming until he eventually fell asleep too.

-Summer Seventeen-

Damiano dropped the last box of stuff by the living room, where a few more boxes already sat. The place was mostly empty except for the old couch and coffee table that sat in the center of the room. Other than that the apartment was bare.

Even as Y/N stood in the middle of the room and looked around, she still couldn't believe the apartment was her new home... and Damiano's. It was a crazy thing, for two seventeen-year-olds to move out of their homes and into a small apartment in the heart of Rome.

Ever since Damiano had brought up the idea after Y/N's parents had told her to turn down her place and scholarship at the college because it was too far away from their home, they'd had countless fights about the whole thing. Y/N didn't want to burden her best friend with something so big, but he was stubborn and insistent.

 Damiano kept on telling her they both had enough money to cover the rent for at least a year. The owner of the apartment building was a family member of his who had been kind enough to adjust the price to one that was affordable and manageable for them both. Apart from, that, they both had a considerable amount of savings, her from working at a small restaurant throughout High School and him… well, he had never been too specific about how he’d saved enough money for it.

In the end, she agreed, and thankfully so did her parents. Luckily for Y/N, they trusted him much more than they probably should, so when Damiano put the idea on the table during dinner one night, they agreed without much convincing.

"God, this is crazy," Y/N mumbled as she followed Damiano to the small balcony they could access through a sliding door by the kitchen.

They both stood side by side and admired the beautiful view before them. It almost felt like it was all a dream they'd wake up from soon enough, "Tell me about it," Damiano added as he blew out a cloud of smoke from the cigarette he had just lit.

"Thank you," She stuttered out and bit her lip to try and stop herself from crying, "This wouldn't have been possible without you. How can I ever pay you back for this?"

He turned to face her and tilted her chin up with his hand, "You can by going out there and following your dream, pretty girl," Y/N smiled up at him as tears started falling down her face. Damiano wiped them away with his thumb and kissed her nose, "You're brilliant, truly. I've seen how hard you've worked these past few years to get here and I know you'll be an amazing doctor one day. I believe in you just as much as I believe in myself, hell, maybe even more."

She laughed, "Woah, then you do believe in me a lot, don't you?" Damiano rolled his eyes and chuckled before he pulled her into his chest and wrapped one of his arms around her body.

-Present Day: Winter Twenty-

The apartment was unusually quiet when Y/N arrived. She was more than used to the sound of Damiano singing while he cooked breakfast in the kitchen for her and his bandmates who'd surely arrive shortly after her so they could work on songs for a few hours. That morning, however, he was nowhere to be seen. As much as she loved him with her whole heart, it was a relief to have the apartment to herself for once.

While she had planned to go directly to bed and sleep off the stress of her two-hour class, it quickly changed the moment she saw a red envelope mixed in with their mail. The piece of paper inside it was the main reason why she was glad that none of her friends were around like they usually would be.

She'd applied to a program in early October to try and get a scholarship to study in Madrid and complete her first month of hospital rotation there. The chances of it happening were pretty slim so she didn't expect much of it, but even then, she knew that a part of her would've felt ashamed if she had opened the letter while her friends were around only to get her application declined. They were just as anxious as she was to know the final results and she didn't want to let them down.

Right as Y/N had gathered enough courage to break the seal that kept the envelope closed she heard the familiar sound of keys being dumped on the bowl they kept by the door, shortly followed by Victoria's contagious laugh.

Her first instinct was to hide the envelope, but before she could even try, she felt the weight of Victoria's arms around her neck, "Ciao, bella," The blonde smiled and pressed a kiss to Y/N's cheek. (Hi, beautiful.)

Damiano, Thomas, and Ethan greeted her with warm hugs and kisses on the cheek. She felt herself relax when they all sat down in the living room and started talking about plans for their next tour. Phew, she relaxed, no one had noticed the envelope, everything was fi—

"Hey, what've you got there?" Ethan asked as his eyes fell on the envelope. Oh, for fuck's sake.

Y/N diverted her gaze to one of the plants that sat in the corner of the room as she played with the ring on her finger, "Uh... No-Nothing," She smiled nervously and cursed mentally for stuttering because that gave her mediocre attempt at a lie away.

Damiano frowned, "Tutto bene?" He questioned, voice laced with worry. (Everything alright?)

Before she could even come up with a lie convincing enough to get them to relax, Thomas spoke up, "È la lettera sulla cosa di Madrid, vero?" (It’s the letter about the Madrid thing, right?)

She sighed and nodded, "Sì, ma la verità è che non mi aspetto molto. È molto difficile essere selezionati per questo e io—." (Yes but the truth is that I don't expect much. It's very difficult to be selected for this and I-)

"Dai, Y/N! Sei una ragazza molto intelligente. Sono sicuro che la risposta nella lettera è sì. Se no, sono un mucchio di idioti per non aver realizzato il tuo talento," Ethan reassured while the other three nodded in agreement. They all believed in her far too much and she was sure they'd all be disappointed if the answer was a no. (C'mon, Y/N! You're a very smart girl. I'm sure the answer in the letter is yes. If not, they are a bunch of idiots for not realizing your talent.)

Still, she brushed off all the insecurities and sat down in between Damiano and Victoria, who had scooted over to let her sit. Y/N broke the seal but hesitated to open it. She looked at Damiano and Ethan for reassurance, both nodded.

"Okay, shit. Here we go," She mumbled and took out the thick paper from the envelope. Her hands were shaking as she tried to unfold it.

Y/N took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a split second before she started reading the contents out loud, skipping the first few sentences of greetings, "Miss Y/L/N, we regret to inform you that all the vacant spots for the UoM Program for Medicine have already been filled..." The last few words died down in her throat as disappointment started to sink in.

She was about to place the letter back in the envelope when Victoria stopped her, "Wait, wait. N/N, keep reading."

When she didn't, Damiano gently grabbed the letter from her hands and cleared his throat before he started reading from where she'd left off, "However, after carefully looking at your résumé and evaluating your application, we are pleased to inform you that you qualify for the Martin Scholarship for Medicine. If you decide to accept, it gives you the opportunity of studying at the University of Madrid for six months to complete your first semester of hospital rotations in the areas of Gynecology, Obstetrics, and Pediatrics with the same terms as the UoM Program..."

Silence fell upon the group as they all tried to process what Damiano had just read. Y/N's body had gone stiff after taking the letter back and reading over the thing once again. It took a while for realization to hit, and when it finally did, it felt as if all the blood had rushed out of her body.

Ethan was the first one to react. He jumped out of where he was sitting on the couch and pushed Victoria out of the way to wrap his arms around Y/N, "Complimenti per la borsa di studio, piccolina. Sono così felice per te." (Congratulations on the scholarship, little one. I'm so happy for you.)

His sweet words and warm embrace were enough to snap her out of the shocked state she was in. Y/N didn't even notice she had started crying until Victoria wiped her tears away. It felt as if a bucket of freezing water had just been dropped over her head. There was just no way she had just gotten accepted for a scholarship that just happened to be better than the one she had signed up for initially. God, her parents would flip out.

She sat there for several minutes with Ethan, Victoria, and Thomas all huddled together in a little ball as they hugged. Meanwhile, Damiano stayed on the same spot, still unable to move from the shock.

Once they all took notice of Damiano's state, Victoria cleared her throat. She nudged Ethan and Thomas on the ribs not-so-subtly and stood up, "I have to go to my dad's and pick up some furniture for my apartment and the guys are gonna help me. Isn't that right, Ethan?"

Ethan looked at Victoria with a frown on his face, but her deadly stare was enough for him to nod, "Right, of course. We'll see you two later."

"Congrats again, amore," Thomas mumbled and gave her one last kiss on the cheek before the three of them walked out of the apartment, leaving Damiano and Y/N alone.

After minutes of awkward silence and Damiano looking like he'd seen a ghost, Y/N spoke up to try and dissipate the tension, "You look more surprised than I do Dami."

He blinked a few times before wiping his teary eyes and looked back at his best friend, "Sorry, sorry. It just took me a bit off-guard. I mean, six months. That's... that's—"

"A long time," Y/N interrupted and Damiamo could only nod, "I was honestly not expecting this one bit either. I doubted I was good enough to study there for a month, imagine half a year."

"Are you sure it isn't a mistake? They probably got your application mixed up with someone else's." Damiano asked with a huge smile on his face, which made Y/N burst out laughing.

"Sei un stronzo," She chuckled and shoved him jokingly. Just as she was about to say something, one of their four cats jumped into Y/N's lap and cuddled into her arm. (You're an asshole.)

She smiled down at the little dark-brown cat she'd rescued from the streets just a few weeks back and softly stroked its small head, "I'm going to miss my little babies more than I'll miss you. You can go fuck yourself."

Damiano rolled his eyes and laughed, "You're adorable," Then he asked the dreaded question, "When are you supposed to leave?"

"I don't know if I'm actually going to accept, to be honest. My parents still don't know and I'm pretty sure you remember how they reacted when I showed them my acceptance letter last time. If it wasn't for you, they would've made me turn it down and this time around, I'm pretty sure you cannot move all the way to Madrid with me even if we both wanted to," She added the last part with a chuckle to try and make it look like she wasn't too worried about her parents and the way they'd react.

He sighed and placed one of his hands on her thigh reassuringly, "You know I love your parents, but honestly, fuck what they think. You have to accept this offer, the chances of something like this happening again are incredibly slim. Besides, they need to stop reflecting their dreams and failures onto you and just let you do what you love. You don't even need their money for this, it's a full ride, isn't it?"

"Yeah, I mean if they're the same terms as the UoM program they pay for everything except for my meals, but I'm sure I have enough money to cover those. But what about the apartment, Damiano? I mean, I can still deposit money to your account to pay my part and—."

"Don't even start stressing about that right now. You just achieved something amazing, why don't you let yourself enjoy it for a while? Let's go celebrate and afterward I'll take you to your parents' place and we can tell them about this together, okay?" She nodded and smiled gratefully at her best friend. Y/N didn't hesitate to wrap her arms around his neck and let herself relax for a little while.

[ilovebeingcalledawhore]

Content: Fluff, Highschool au

Summary: Just a snapchat confession story

Snapchat is fun and games, from ceiling pictures to nudes, fast repliers and some who don’t even open the snaps anymore. It’s stupid—entertaining until you talk to a boy that’s pretty goddamn cute and catch these dumb feelings that you know would fade away anyway.

It’ll fade won’t it? So might as well let yourself fall.

Huang Renjun was a boy in my class that I fancied, he was quite charming, no...erase that, he was very charming. Every single girl in class has once thought he was attractive and if any girl was asked who they would date it’d be him.

The boy had a sense of humour, was smart, attractive, sometimes snappy but it was the friendly banter that gave me the chance to talk to him. A month ago I finally decided to make a snapchat account, a day after that I asked for everybody’s accounts and his was the first one I got.

It was a calm week of me and Renjun asking about each other’s day or the cliche “wyd?”, a few weeks later he made me nickname and I dumbly didn’t want to make one from his actual name so I called him, “hunny”.

Bold, I know.

We laughed about it but I did back off and say, “sorry I just couldn’t think of something creative, everyone’s made a nickname for you already.” He agrees so I just stuck with his real name.

In school we’ve become much closer.

He speed walks to me and greets me, asks about my plans for the day or how I am, and boy! You don’t know how much I’ve walked away smiling so hard the ends of my lips could touch my ears.

I was falling quite fucking hard—but he was a charmer, girls in class liked him and he was friends with most of them. Some girls are touchy and gives him casual hugs, yes they make me jealous but he knew them before he knew me. They had a bond since years ago, we didn’t.

Then something happened—

A few more days pass by and me and my friends notice how his friend group seemed to tease him when I’m around.

It’s even come to the point where we’d hear Donghyuck screaming, “Do you like Y/n?”, during homeroom. You wouldn’t hear the response but seconds later his group would be screaming.

My friends said he liked me, I denied it.

Well, they were right. A week after that, I built up the guts to confess to him and not chicken out. Taking a photo of a ceiling and typing out the words, “I like you.”

I press the send button before I start doubting myself again.

1 min ago

2 min ago

3 min ago

“Fucking open it already,” I whisper to myself.

opened

1 min ago

just now

“He replied!” I squealed.

I press his snap full of worry; waiting for rejection but instead he sends this.

“About that...”

Fucks sake, I swear I screamed into my pillow so loud my saliva got on it. “Yes?” I replied with annoyance evident in my face, I wasn’t having any of it. I was worried and frustrated.

opened

15 sec ago

just now

He replied, ‘fuck, fuck, fuck, should I open this?’ I thought to myself, my whole hand shaking. I decided to push my phone to a corner and lay in bed to think.

If he says he doesn’t like me then it’s not the end of the world, he’s a nice guy, we won’t be awkward in school——but what if he says yes, then maybe we start talking and date——no he doesn’t like me why would he?

I roll off the bed and take my phone, still worried but reassuring myself that no matter what, I’ll be fine. I get into the app, his name beside a red box getting ready to be opened.

I press it.

“I like you too” I screamed and screamed and screamed.

He likes me too!

Renjun likes me too!

_____

[A month later] Winter break

I’m dating him! After a few solid weeks of talking and getting to know each other, I’ve learned about his likes-dislikes, family, goals, hobbies, peet peeves, little habits and kinks (but we’re not gonna talk about that here).

It was a moment at 2 am, talking about life and what not until he asked me out through a snap. I would’ve complained and said “you should ask me out irl,” but he beat me to it.

“I’ll officially ask you out when were back to school,” the rest of the night was filled with me giggling to myself in excitement.

Sometimes shooting your shot is the way to go.

It’s scary, you don’t really know what they’re gonna say.

“I’m sorry I don’t like you”

“I like you too”

“I’ll think about it”

“I’ve liked you since years ago”

But in the end you’ve got nothing to lose, in ten years time they wouldn’t talk about the girl or the boy who asked them out unless it turned serious. In ten years time, some people wouldn’t even remember you.

No one would remember how you wore your hair that day, what shirt you put on, if you were wearing this new weird coloured lipstick or if you carried around a new book everyday. In the end most things will be forgotten and it wouldn’t matter.

So fuck it and say what you feel.

Maybe—just maybe, send the snap.