#*insert hysterical laughter in the back*

[ryn-halo26]

SNAPCUBE REFERENCE!?!?!??@?1?

“I miss my wife, Tails.”

The wife in question:

David, Ash, and Milo

(Also now that Anton is canonically a shifter, I need shifter Anton back)

[ujiahae]

height doesn't matter, it never did

Summary ; In which you ask Jihoon about the heightening inserts they put in Idol's shoes

Warnings ; Suggestive joke made at the very end but that's about it

"So how tall do they make you?"

The soft clink of your boyfriend's chopsticks meeting the bowl in front of him rings through the space between your bodies. Jihoon's lashes flutter as he blinks a few times, chewing and forcing down the noodles in his mouth before he bothers to turn his head to face you. He's slumped forward a bit, posture broken and back hunched so he could keep his mouth over the bowl half-full with broth.

"What?" He blinks again, one time to silently convey the confusion that was filling his head.

"The inserts they put in your shoes. How tall do they make you?" You continue, giving a bit of insight this time.

Someone nearby sucks in a breath and when he turns his head, you see that it had come from Soonyoung - his cheeks pudged and full of food. He's silent, eyes boring into the two of you as he waits for the older member's response.

But Jihoon just seems to laugh, a soft scoff escaping his lips. "Inserts." He states, sitting up and setting his pair of chopsticks down on a nearby napkin. "Who told you about those?"

"I have my resources," A smile pulls at your lips. "Plus, it's kind of obvious. You're a few inches shorter than everyone normally, but during concerts you all seem right around the same height. Besides Mingyu, I mean."

"Dude's like a pine tree. He's an evergreen 'cause he's tall all year round." Soonyoung murmurs now that he's swallowed his mouthful of food. "Get it? Cause evergreens keep their needles all year round. And he's tall all year round." His eyes dart between you and Jihoon, then over to Wonwoo who's sitting directly across from you. While you and your boyfriend seem to just stare in pity at his sad attempt of a joke, it seems to elicit a small chuckle out of Wonwoo who pulls a straight face soon after in attempt to hide it.

Soonyoung smiles regardless, finding it funny himself that he'd made Wonwoo laugh simply because of how bad his joke was.

Jihoon turns his head back to you, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "A few inches more than normal, I guess? The inserts aren't that big - and the boots they make us wear have platforms."

Seeming satisfied with the answer, your question coming from genuine curiosity, you resume eating - as does your boyfriend beside you.

Wonwoo hums out after a moment of silence, tipping his head to glance up at Jihoon. "You'd still need a few inches to reach the rest of us, you know. We all wear platforms on stage."

And Jihoon sighs. He lowers the bowl of broth from his mouth and sets it on the table, swallowing as his eyes meet Wonwoo's across the table. "I don't need to be any taller on stage - we all even out." He hums, "And I make up for the missing inches of height in other ways."

You choke at his side, turning your head away and covering your mouth with a hand as Soonyoung bursts into laughter nearby. He ends up having to cover his own mouth as a piece of meat falls out, embarrassed but still hysterical after Jihoon's suggestive comment.

[221bshrlocked]

Broken and Grazed, Loved and Saved

Pairing: Crosshair x Jedi AFAB!Reader

Words: 4724

Warnings: Mutual Pining. Mentions of violence and blood. Touching Confessions! Angst to fluff because you know it. Crosshair being a tiny bit soft...just a tiny bit.

Summary: You get shot while trying to save Crosshair. He's shocked and confused as to why you would do such a thing. You both slowly reveal your feelings for each other as he patches you up.

A/N: I crawled back from my writer's block hell hole to post this. This is during The Clone Wars series folks, hence the Jedi insert. Once again, thank you so much to @cloneficgiftexchange for holding this event and single-handedly getting me to write every once in a while. This is for the lovely @arctrooper69 who inadvertently gave me a challenge with Crosshair. I hope you enjoy it babes and I hope I got his character down correctly. This is the first time I write for him. As always, let me know how I am doing in the comments please and thank you.

When Obi-Wan informed you that you’d be accompanying Clone Force 99 on another mission, you tried your best to not let your excitement come through. But one look at your old friend and the smirk on his face made you realize you may not have been as subtle as you originally thought. 

“Shut it Kenobi,” you walk past him, shaking your head when you briefly glanced to the side and saw him raising an eyebrow at you. He chuckles at your embarrassment, and you’re torn between making fun of him and letting him be. It was rare to see him display such an elated emotion, and you couldn’t help but laugh along with him when finally caught up with you and patted you on the back. 

“In all seriousness, do be careful out there.” A worried expression breaks through the smile and you nod at him, knowing that the sentiment wasn’t one of warning but deep concern for your safety. 

“As weird as it is to admit this, I feel like I might potentially be safest with them.” You come to a stop once you reach the door of the Temple, looking around the awfully quiet space before returning your attention to Obi-Wan once more. 

“I would have to disagree with you there. The rate at which they use explosives is severely higher than any other force I have fought alongside. Nevertheless, I trust your judgment. Do keep me updated, yes?” When you don’t respond right away, Obi-Wan follows your line of sight and notices where your attention suddenly lies. He groans to himself and wishes he wasn’t the keeper of so many secrets. 

“Young one!?” You snap out of your momentary haze when Obi-Wan quite literally yells at you, his voice carrying across the grounds and catching the curiosity of none other than the man you found yourself barely able to stop thinking of. 

“Sorry, yes?” You feign ignorance, giggling like a young padawan when Obi-Wan rubs his temples and swears beneath his breath.

“I’m only joking. Yes I will be careful, sure I’ll try my best not to get into trouble, and of course I won’t partake in Wrecker’s booming tactics. Satisfied?” You don’t wait for him to respond, already walking towards the Marauder and praying to the Force that the introvert of the group is less hostile towards you this time around. When you grow near to the clones standing at the foot of the ramp, you turn around one last time and wave goodbye to Obi-Wan, laughing when he rolls his eyes at you and heads back into the Temple. As soon as you turn around, you’re met with an incredibly energetic Wrecker, your shock turning into hysterical laughter as soon as he wraps his arms around you and picks you up. 

“Heyyy, it’s our favorite Jedi!” His grip on you remains gentle even though he’s lifted you off of the ground a good bit. 

“Hey Wrecker, I see you missed me as much as I missed you.” You gently tap him on his shoulder, hoping he’d put you down before any other Jedi sees how familiar you are with him. 

“Wreck, put the General down.” You glance to the side and see Hunter standing with his hands on his hips, his facial expression a bit unreadable. You laugh nervously at the leader of the Bad Batch, hoping Wrecker wouldn’t get in trouble because of your friendliness. 

To his chagrin, Wrecker puts you down and backs away, whispering a few apologies before returning to stand next to Tech.

“Sorry, I know I shouldn’t encourage it.” You tell Hunter as the two of you walk away from the rest of the Batch, your eyes unintentionally remaining on your favorite member of the group. If Hunter notices how you pay more attention to Crosshair, he says nothing of it and pretends you weren’t watching him like a hawk. 

“No need for any apologies, General. I don’t particularly care but I know how things are on Coruscant. Wouldn’t want him to be misunderstood.” Hunter points towards the Clones standing around the Temple with other Jedi Masters, smiling nervously at you when you sigh anxiously at the prospect of being the reason behind Wrecker potentially getting in trouble. 

“I promise to talk to him. And I’ll make sure to only be friendly when we’re not surrounded by…you know.” You try to laugh off the circumstances you find yourself in, only for Hunter’s body language to shift at the implications behind your words. 

“I’d be careful if I were you. Even if they aren’t around, others tend to misunderstand and- well, let’s just say that things get a little heated when we finish a mission and you aren’t on-board anymore.” You furrow your eyebrows at Hunter’s response, only to follow his line of sight and see who he’s staring at. When you’re met with Crosshair’s narrowed, irritated eyes shifting between you and Wrecker, you realize that Hunter may know more than he let on. 

“I- I don’t think you-” You trip over your words, unsure of how to respond now that Hunter knew of your inclinations as well. 

“Save it, I’m not judging…just giving you a heads up.” He excuses himself, saying something or other to Tech as the two of them ascend the Marauder. You look to the ground as you make your way to the ship, afraid of making eye contact with any of the others out of fear of making things more awkward. Even as you walk past Crosshair, you ignore him completely, pretending to fix the lightsaber hanging from your belt so you don’t have to deal with him now. As soon as you go to the cockpit, you throw a quick hello to Echo and walk back, pushing through the supplies scattered around so you can sit in the small space at the end of the ship. 

Even though you want to sit near Crosshair, you decide against it, knowing that you don’t have the capacity to deal with his passive aggressive comments now. You haven’t seen him in a long while, and there’s nothing you wish to do more than be near him, even if the two of you were to remain silent. But if the conversation with Hunter proved anything, it’s the fact that Crosshair was begging to pick a fight right now. You just didn’t want it to be with you. 

Taking a deep breath, you do your best to center yourself and ignore the whispers and murmurs traveling from the cockpit. You manage a fair job for most of the flight, but the closer you get to the Outer Rim planet, you vaguely hear your name thrown around between Hunter, Tech and Wrecker. You know better than to listen to what they’re saying, and before you can decide on whether or not you should ignore them, Wrecker stands up and grumbles something louder than the others would have preferred. 

“She doesn’t mind! You’re just telling me what to do because Crosshair won’t listen to you and talk to her.” Your eyes shoot wide open at his words, and as you turn around to face them, you see all of their expressions turn blank. Wrecker only recognizes just how loud he is when he faces you and sees a quizzical look on your features. He chuckles nervously and sits down as Echo makes his way towards you. 

“Sorry about that, we know how much you like to meditate.” He sits down beside you, glaring quickly at Wrecker so he doesn’t accidentally give anything else away. 

“It’s okay, it’s not like I was getting much meditation done anyway. You guys whisper pretty loudly.” 

“You mean you- could you hear us this whole time?” Echo asks, the direct gaze you offer him letting him know that yes, you could certainly hear what they were going on about this whole time. 

“You know then.” It was more of a comment than a question, but you shrug your shoulders at him regardless, unsure of whether they were telling the truth or just reading into the interactions between you and Crosshair. Before you can respond however, you feel the ship drop out of hyperspace and into the atmosphere of the planet.

“Another time Echo,” you ignore the pleading look on Echo’s face, not wanting to continue this conversation now that the mission officially commenced. Making your way to the front of the ship, you look across the yellow planet below you and sigh in irritation when you notice the storms forming just above the surface. 

“Did you know that Eshil is one of three desert planets that receives frequent rain? Rain storms are often violent here, delivering up to seven millimeters per minute. It is more likely for one to drown down there than to die of thirst.” The ease with which Tech spoke made you giggle, and you couldn’t help but thank him politely for the unsolicited knowledge when you saw Wrecker and Echo glare at him worryingly. 

“Don’t worry big guy, nothing will happen to you on my watch.” You pat Wrecker on the back as you begin your descent onto Eshil, and before you can attempt to calm him down a little, the Marauder begins to shake violently due to the rain and thunderstorms. In a moment of distraction, you lose your balance and fly backward, suddenly feeling a pair of slim fingers grab onto your waist to prevent you from falling. Thinking it’s Hunter who just saved you, you turn around to thank him, only to find a pair of steel, hazel eyes staring dead at you. 

The faint gasp doesn’t go unnoticed by Crosshair, nor does the disappointed look you throw at him when he lets go so he can push you into one of the seats. 

“Don’t hurt yourself, Jedi.” His tone is mocking in a way, but you don’t dwell too much on it and instead look around to see if anyone noticed the little interaction. Everyone is blissfully unaware of the tense moment you shared with Crosshair, and even though you can feel his eyes on you, you choose to avoid his gaze, afraid he would see how much of an effect he has on you. 

It takes too long to your liking to land, not because you didn’t like the turbulence, but because you couldn’t stand being in close proximity with Crosshair any longer. An hour ago, you were excited to join the team, wanting nothing more than to try and get closer to Crosshair, or at the very least, figure out why he’s always more passive aggressive with you than with anyone else. But after the not-so-subtle comment from Hunter, and the rather awkward conversation you overheard, you couldn’t finish this mission and be back on Coruscant fast enough. Somehow, knowing that the animosity was a product of mutual feelings made things worse.

No, not worse. That wasn’t the right word. 

Real. It made things real. It made things more accessible, which meant that the probability of anything happening was simultaneously high and low. 

“We’re here,” Hunter’s announcement is a welcomed distraction, and you wait until everyone stands aside to review the plan before jumping out of the Marauder. The rain comes down harsher than you’ve anticipated but you take a few seconds to appreciate it regardless, knowing that it wasn’t everyday you experienced rain caused by clean, natural clouds. It was so much different than Coruscant, strangely soothing as it seeped through your clothes and kissed your cheeks. 

The cool sensation suddenly shifts into a warmer breeze, causing your eye muscles to clench tightly in confusion. The feeling engulfs you almost like a hug, and you’re not sure how or why it becomes hotter with each passing second. It’s only when you open your eyes and glance to the side that you finally understand why you were being flooded with such intensity. You quickly avert your gaze as soon as you notice Crosshair’s embarrassment when he realizes that you’ve caught him staring at you. 

“Alright fellas, listen up. Our mission is simple: infiltrate the base undetected, retrieve the classified intel from their innermost vaults, exfiltrate before they even know we’re there. Stay sharp and Wrecker…no explosives unless I say so.” Hunter points firmly at the bigger clone, and you almost giggle when you see the hint of a grin appearing on his face. 

“Awww man!” Wrecker throws his hands up in the air, walking away and crossing his arms when he sees you approaching him. 

“Don’t worry big guy, there’s always a next time.” You pat him on the back, laughing to yourself when he retorts at you like a child.

“That’s what you said last time.”

“But I really mean it this time,” you twist your head down until you can get a better look at him, and when you meet his eyes, you watch as he tries his best to not crack a smile in return. When he does, you walk past him and stay behind Hunter as he slowly moves through the barren land. The closer you get to the compound though, the more you become uneasy at your lack of cover, but before you can say anything, the rain begins to come down harder than you thought it possible, making you squint to try and see where everyone is. 

“I guess that should do the trick!” You hear Echo scream from behind you, but the sentiment makes you uncomfortable. The idea of losing the rest of them before you even make it to the enemy line is disconcerting, and you make your way towards Hunter quickly. When he sees you approaching him, he stops and waits for you to catch up. 

“Follow my lead and make sure everyone keeps their helmets on so they can see.” You throw the hood of your cloak over your head a little further, the action not helping one bit as the water continues to crash down on you like a waterfall. 

“When we get there-” 

“I’ll signal for Echo so he can unlock the doors.” Waiting until he nods in agreement, you continue your journey towards the compound, praying to the maker that the enemy’s visibility is as bad as yours. The trek to the compound takes longer than you like, but when you finally have it in sight, you turn around and wait for the others to reach you. Hunter and Tech are ahead of everyone, and you squint hard until you can see Echo and Wrecker behind them. When Crosshair doesn’t show right away, you begin to worry, afraid that the rain became less of an inconvenience and more of a trigger to him. You’re about to run past the guys when you finally see him walking through the heavy downfall, no longer holding his firearm in his hands and instead taking his time as he walks towards the rest of the team. Even though you can’t see his expression, you know for a fact that Hunter is smirking beneath his mask, and you choose to ignore him as you go back to the front of the Batch and walk closer to the compound.

“There aren’t any guards posted outside. The storm must have sent everyone back inside.” You make a note, signaling for Echo to move ahead of you while the others wait a little farther away in case things don’t go according to plan. Anxiety washes over you all of a sudden, and you glance at the only member of the Batch you know dislikes the rain more than anyone. If Crosshair notices the way you’re staring at him worryingly, he says nothing and keeps his attention on your surroundings, ready to fire at anyone who comes in the way. 

When Echo unlocks the door, Tech follows after and heads straight towards the secured vaults at the heart of the compound. It’s quieter than you expect, but you figure it’s only because the storm continues to rage outside and grow louder by the second. As you move towards the vault however, you find the silence nearly deafening, and you wonder briefly if this entire mission could be a set-up. Before you can voice your concerns to Hunter, Tech gains access to the room with ease, already getting to work for the intel with Echo. You stand guard outside while Hunter and Wrecker scout the hallways and ensure you don’t have any visitors. 

Using the distraction to your advantage, you slowly make your way to Crosshair and stand beside him, waiting until he acknowledges your presence with a glance before attempting to break the awkward air around the two of you. 

“I hope the rain isn’t too much of a bother.” You’re not sure what else to say, and as you realize he won’t be responding any time soon, you figure it’s best to not try and fix whatever it is between the two of you now. Knowing that it will be even more uncomfortable if you walk away from him, you remain standing where you are, turning your attention to Tech and Echo to see if they’re almost done. 

The abrupt sound of guns firing pushes you forward immediately, and you watch as several weapons descend from the ceiling and the walls, instantly firing at everyone in the room. You make your way to the nearest wall and burn through the small firearms with your lightsaber, watching as Crosshair hits several more on the opposite side of the wall while Tech and Echo extract the intel. 

“I knew it was too quiet.” You mutter to yourself, running as fast as you can across the space to get as many of the little suckers as possible. When there aren’t any left, you sheath your weapon again and move towards the door. 

“Time to head out,” Hunter screams across the hallway and as you file out, you sense movement at one of the corners of the room. It’s instinctive the way you run towards Crosshair and shield him with your body, and your curse at yourself for not ensuring that all of them were taken down. Anger seeps through your mind at what could have been a fatal mistake and you ignite your saber instantly, propelling it towards the small object and bringing it back into the palm of your hand as more smoke fills the room. 

“We need to leave, now.” Your voice is stern, and even though you can see Crosshair staring at where you’ve just been shot, you don’t pay him any mind as you run through the winding hallways and make your way out of the compound. It’s somehow raining even harder than earlier, and you feel your body grow more faint with each step you take. The faster you try to run, the more unbearable the pain becomes, and it occurs to you that you would be no good to any of them if you slowed them down. 

You come to a stop and haunch over, applying pressure against your stomach and wincing in pain when more blood oozes through your fingers. Thinking that they’re all ahead of you, you kneel down and allow the rain to become less of an inconvenience and more of a calming presence. 

“What are you doing?” Crosshair hisses as he comes up behind you, and when you lock contact with his eyes, you regret not pushing yourself harder. 

“I’m fine…go!” You hope your voice isn’t as wavering to his ears as it is to your own, and when he shakes his head, you attempt to stand to confront him, only to fall back to the ground again. 

“Tech, bring the ship to my position.” You cruse yet again as Crosshair pushes a button on the side of his helmet while speaking to Tech. 

“Why have you stopped?” You can hear Hunter ask through the comms, and you look at Crosshair again, silently begging him to leave so he doesn’t get hurt. 

“The General’s been compromised.” He leans down and pushes your hands aside to inspect the wound, and if you didn’t know any better, you’d think that he was angry at you for getting shot…for saving him. 

“You need to go to the Marauder. That’s an order.” You hiss in pain when you feel him bring your hand back to your stomach and push on it harder than before. 

“You’re currently bleeding all over the floor. You’re in no shape to give me orders…General.” He’s pushing your buttons, but unlike before, when he smirked at every snarky comment he threw your way and chuckled when you retorted in likeness, his voice is laced with unspoken feelings now, as if he was silently thanking you for what you did for him. 

Before you can dwell too much on the change in his behavior, the Marauder lands right beside you, allowing you a moment of respite before Wrecker comes down the ramp and takes you in his arms. The jolting movements make you cough as your stomach throbs in pain, and you take one last look at Crosshair, finding his expression as irritated as when you were on your way here. 

To his credit, Wrecker does try to be more slow and soft with his movements, but when he lays you down, you can’t help but scream in agony at the wound tearing through your skin. 

“S-sorry.” You shake your head at Wrecker and assure him with a smile, only to drop it when Tech comes with a medkit and asks his brother to give you some privacy. 

“I do apologize General but I must cut your robe to administer the bacta spray and patches properly.” Ever the gentleman, Tech waits for your consent before taking out a pair of scissors. He’s about to cut through your robes when Crosshair walks in and stands behind him.

“If you can wait out-”

“I’ll do it.” Crosshair doesn’t give Tech a chance to finish his request, and when he stands up to argue with him, you reach for Tech’s hand and nod at him, waiting until he places everything down before moving towards the front of the ship. 

You’re sure Crosshair didn’t think this far ahead because he remains standing and doesn’t once turn his sight away from your wound. 

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer.” You break the silence and push your head back as the wound continues to burn. It must be all Crosshair needs to hear because he gets right to business, not once saying anything to you as he rips through your robes and begins to disinfect the flesh around the gash. You hiss and instantly slam your hand against his thigh, digging your nails into the plastoid covering him as he sterilizes the laceration to prevent any infection. 

“What were you thinking?” It’s the first time he’s ever spoken to you so softly, and you figure it’s because you’re hurt and can’t respond in likeness. But when you open your eyes and look at him, you’re shocked to find worry and fear swimming in his hazel brown orbs. It throws you off a little, and you shake the thoughts aside, knowing that you may just be reading too much into his behavior.

“At the time, I thought it was a great idea!” You chuckle only to curse out loud when he begins to apply the bacta spray on top of the wound. You think he’ll smile at catching you off guard, but when you look at him again, he’s as somber as a few seconds ago.

“And now?” Crosshair growls at you, actually growls, the sound coming as a shock to you. It occurs to you that maybe, just maybe, he was attempting to show you that he cares, but wasn’t sure how to go about it. When he stops what he’s doing and continues to keep his gaze on you, you lay your head back down and allow the subsiding pain to calm you a little. 

“Maybe…maybe not so much.” He narrows his eyes at you then, the expression becoming a little too intense for you and making you turn away to face the wall. Not another word is exchanged between you and him, and as he finally places the bacta patches on your stomach, you turn to face him again, no longer able to keep playing whatever game he started. 

“Thank you, for not leaving…for staying with me.” Crosshair continues to remain silent, his focus completely on the wound he was dressing. 

“And thank you for patching me up.” Again, he doesn’t acknowledge any of your words, waiting until he’s sure the wound is perfectly protected before throwing everything back into the medkit. You think he’s about to leave but when he finally looks up, you notice his eyebrows relax as he lets out a deep breath. 

“Why would you do that?”

The question catches you off guard, and you figure you may as well tell him how you feel because you’re not sure what will happen tomorrow. 

“You know why.” The simple whisper holds a thousand confessions, and Crosshair clenches his jaw tightly as he reaches for your hand. You gasp at the warmth of his skin, and swallow the lump in your throat when he grabs a wet towel and begins to clean the dried blood. You’re not sure how long you hold your breath, but when he’s done, he doesn’t let go. In fact, he does the opposite, bringing both of his rough palms around your own and keeping it as close to him as possible. 

“I- I’m not worth your-” The sentiment breaks your heart and you furrow your eyebrows at him as you attempt to sit up, not wanting him to finish whatever he was about to say. The stinging returns a thousandfold but you ignore the shooting pain and pull Crosshair towards you.

“Don’t ever say that.” You want to say more. You want to tell him that you’d gladly do it again to ensure his safety, that you wouldn’t give it a second thought because you care for him more than you’re allowed, more than he’ll ever know. But the way he looks at you makes it difficult to say anything else, and you lay back down again when your muscles beg you for some respite. Crosshair doesn’t let go of your hand. If anything, his hold on you tightens as he moves to sit closer to you. 

“It was annoying.” Whatever you thought he was going to say is certainly not those three words, and the confusion etched on your face makes him crack a smile before finally looking from your hand to you. 

“The rain.” You look at him for what feels like hours before you finally register what he was trying to tell you. 

“Wow, it took me getting shot at for you to finally answer my question…an hour later?” The joke doesn’t sit too well with him and you apologize quickly, afraid he’d get up and leave you all alone. 

“I- I didn’t think you’d��” The words die in his throat, and you look down at where your hands are intertwined, wanting to give him some privacy as he comes to terms with what he was feeling, what he was oversharing with you. 

“Remember?” You finish for him, smiling when he nods quietly and begins to trace the lines across the back of your hand.

“I remember everything you tell me, Crosshair.” Once again, the simple response is laced with too many revelations to your liking, but you know you’d never forgive yourself if you didn’t use this moment to show him how much you care. 

How much you love him.

He looks at you then, about to say something when he sees your face twist at the returning stinging sensations. 

“You need to rest.” His voice is firm, making you wish you weren’t hurt and could actually make whatever this is last longer. 

“Will you be here when I wake up?” Before, you would have been annoyed with yourself for being so vulnerable in front of him, but the question must be the one thing he needed to hear because he smiles softly at you before nodding in silence, bringing his chair a little closer to you can rest your arm better as you keep holding his hands.

“Sleep, cyare. I’ll protect you.”

[sinsinsininning]

A little bit softer

Chapter 2.

Eustass Kid x crew mate!fem!reader

TW: depictions of DV, descriptions of medical terms and procedures, not as smutty

A/N: I don’t know why but l always have to make my reader inserts or OCs a medic in some way……It’s probably bc I’m a vet tech.

~~~~~~

Kid felt… guilty, which wasn’t a normal thing for him. Suspecting you were scared of him was one thing. But knowing you were scared of him was another entirely.

He wanted to shake himself some days, you were just a rookie. Not his lover. Not his partner. He didn’t owe you anything. But then he’d ruin his own pep talk by thinking of you and your face.

After your conversation with Heat, Kid walked on eggshells around you. The entire crew was still trying their damnedest to meddle with him, so encounters with you had ramped up a lot. You both still did your best to avoid eye contact or speak to him. But it was clearly starting to wear on the crew’s patience.

“You need to handle your shit.” Killer said to him one day in his workshop. Kid couldn’t even pretend not to know what he was on about.

“You need to fuck off!” He shouted, feeling his shoulders shake.

“Just talk with her, you never know, maybe she likes you as well.”

Kid burst out in hysterical laughter, needing a few moments to catch his breath.

“She’s terrified of me Killer,” He coughed. “She thinks I’m gonna hit her or something. I heard her telling Heat.” Killer cocked his head, thinking.

“All the more reason to clear the air. What’s more is I can’t have the crew keep trying to pair the two of you up, it’s getting in the way of their tasks.” Kid fixed him with a glare.

“Newsflash, asshole! You were the one who started that shit!” He turned back to his table. “Besides the fuck am I gonna say to make her feel better? Huh?”

“That’s true, you’re not good with words.” Killer nodded and began approaching him. “You’ll just have to use your actions.” Kid laughed.

“Oh yeah? How am I gonna do that?” He asked sarcastically before a sharp pain flared in his right arm. “Ow what the fuck?!”

Killer had cut his arm, a deep laceration at least 5 inches long. The masked man shrugged at his shouting.

“She’s in the med bay, go up there, tell her you got cut while working. Ask her to patch you up.”

“Fuck you this stings!” Kid pressed a used rag to his arm. “I’ll fucking stab you.”

“She won’t be there much longer. Tell her you can’t find me and you can’t stitch yourself with one hand.” Killer took that moment leave, Kid stood there fuming for a moment. Part of him wanted to just stay down here and fix it later, just to piss Killer off.

But a stronger part of him wanted to see you, hopefully you wouldn’t run or hide. He made his way slowly to the med bay, almost hoping you’d be gone. As he entered he saw how unlucky he was.

You had your back to him, wiping down the machines that sterilized the suturing materials and other rudimentary instruments. He coughed to get your attention, keeping his injured arm hidden behind the doorframe.

“Hip are you don- oh!” He hated how tense you became, you soft stomach clenching in worry. “Sorry captain, I thought Hip was done with the mop. What can I do for you?” He showed you his arm and felt a small bit better as you gasped with worry.

The rag he’s used to staunch the bleeding made it look worse than it was, but it had dried a little and was now stuck to his skin. You motioned for him to sit on the chair by the table.

“How’d that happen?” You asked, trying to gently peel the rag off.

“Was working and it just kinda happened.” He wasn’t sure why, but he didn’t want to lie to you. “Don’t know where Killer is and I can’t sew with only one hand.” Still not lies technically.

“Gotcha.” You’re all business and he feels a little flush at the sight of you zipping around the room gathering materials. “Well it’s not too bad, really deep though. I’ll numb it, suture it really quick and you should be on your way.” Any trace of fear or anxiety was gone, your posture alert but relaxed, you soft face was focused.

“Take your time.” Kid drawled, enjoying the view, didn’t hurt that your ass looked good as you bent over to grab something under the desk. Your ass always looked good he decided. “Got nowhere to be.”

“Not true,” You return with a small syringe, some type of numbing drug he assumed. “You’re the captain, you probably got plenty of stuff to be doing.”

He didn’t respond, the injection you gave him stung so he had to bite back his swears about it. Neither of you spoke as you worked. You had to stand pretty close to place the sutures, your hands cold but soft as you touched him.

You shivered at one point and Kid realized, horrifically, that he’d leaned to far forward to watch your hands. You glanced up at him, caught his gaze and shuffled a bit further back. He wanted to growl as he saw how tense you’d gotten, your soft apology only making him more frustrated.

You were halfway done and he couldn’t take the silence anymore.

“So.” You tensed again, he could see it in your neck especially. “I never did ask… who was your old captain?” You jabbed the needle a bit harder at the question, obviously not on purpose as you profusely apologized. He ignored and continued to stare until you answered.

“His- um. His name is um… It’s Badger. Captain Badger.” You try to focus once more.

“How long did you sail with him?”

“2 years.”

“How big was the crew?”

“About 15.”

“Where’d you sail?”

“West Blue.”

“Why’d you leave?”

“Um.” You were almost shaking, he almost hesitated.

“Why’d you leave his crew?”

“What does it matter?” Oh that was a response, he grinned, anger was better than fear. At least in his book.

“Answer the question. It’s important for me to know.”

“You never needed to know before. Why now?”

“Because I’ve been watching you.” He leans forward more, meeting your heated glare as you tied the final knot. “You’ve got some peculiar habits, I’d like to know more about that.”

“You’ve been watching me?”

He nodded.

“Like on deck or like…. In my room?”

“Not like that you pervert!” He can’t help but shout, you don’t flinch though. A small grin on your face as you successfully get him off the topic.

“So not my room or the showers? Just to clarify.” He knows he’s blushing but he still growls and stands to his full height. You step back but he follows you, a look of fear in your eyes takes over the glee. But he can’t stop himself from continuing.

“You’re clever, but I still need an answer.” He crowds your space, placing both hands on the counter behind you, caging your body with his. He leans forward, letting his breath fan over your ear. “Why did you leave?”

You stay silent, face red and a little sweaty, he pulls back just enough to admire the sight. He can’t make a reassuring face to save his life, but he tries as tears fill up your eyes. Still, he can’t stop, he needs this. You need this.

“If you are unhappy with my performance or skills, tell me and I will fix them. I haven’t brought any bad habits on board. I assure you.” You finally answer, your words felt warm against his face, he grinned some more.

“Uh-uh you see, one of those habits, the only one really,” His grin drops from his face. “Is that you’re scared of your captain.” You pale at his words and start to shake a little. He continues, drawing back slightly.

“That’s something he taught you, right?” He tilted his head a little. “To be scared of your captain. Because you never know when he’ll just up hit you, right?” He parroted your words from the bar back to you. Your eyes are wide with recognition.

“I’m sor-“

“Save it,” He cuts you off. “I know I’m scary, it’s my whole deal. I’m a scary pirate who murders and pillage. But my crew is mine. Understood. I don’t let anyone harm them, especially not myself.” You lean back into the counter more.

“You hurt Wire. You made him need staples and you didn’t even seem sorry. You didn’t help patch him up.” Kid knew this was coming, he still didn’t know what to say.

“It was a mistake,” He said. “I didn’t mean to hit him, but you’re right. I should’ve check on him and made sure he wasn’t hurt.” It was hard to admit he was wrong, but in the small medical room, to you, it was a little easier.

Both of you stayed quiet for a while. He made no move to let you go. And you made no move to try. He wasn’t sure if he would’ve actually stopped you if you did. Finally, the tension in you jaw and shoulders eased, just a little.

“Badger… was bad. He didn’t just hit us. He stole from us and wouldn’t let us leave, even if some managed to escape they’d have no Beris. It’d be like starting from scratch, but worse because if he caught you he’d kill you.” You paused, taking a big breath, turning to stare at the wall. “I was secretly saving Beris, to hopefully run off and be able to hide from him. I didn’t have much, barely anything. One day he came and told me he wanted me to be his… wife.” Kid stood up straight, leaning back like he’d been struck, you continued barely noticing him.

“I told him no, I should’ve said yes and bided my time. Maybe I could’ve taken more people with me, but I was an idiot.”

“No that’s not-“ You cut him off.

“He threw a fit, tried to kill me. His devil fruit power nullifies weapons, so I couldn’t fight back. I tried to stage a mutiny, but everyone was too afraid, he’d never lost a fight. Eventually I jumped over board and swam to shore. I hid on a marine ship, I never had a bounty so I just pretended to be some girl who wanted to travel. I flirted with some of them and got a ride to a port a few islands over.” You sighed, a long exhale that seemed to deflate you. “I had no Beris or even clothes. But I overheard some rookies talking about joining your crew. I figured it was the safest option. So I spoke with Killer and here I am.” You trailed off quietly, tears still hadn’t fallen yet, it was almost impressive.

Kid didn’t speak for several long minutes, just watching you hold your breath. Finally he pushed off the counter, giving you both some breathing room. He began to exit when you called out.

“Captain what are you doing?”

He turned with a scowl.

“I’m setting a course to go murder that asshole.”

“What? Why that’s so far off our course.”

“I told you, you’re my crew. We’re gonna go murder him, then if any of your old friends wanna join the crew they can.” He laughed at your shocked face. When he’d caught his breath he turned again to leave.

[angsty-twihardxx]

heyy victoriaaa!!

i was reading thru your tommy masterlist (because i'm just craving good tommy content) and an idea popped in my head.

if you're taking requests/concepts in, maybe you could do a tommy x reader where reader is shy and "innocent", but to their friend (insert random name) they talk about how badly reader wants to "save a horse, ride a cowboy" w/ tommy miller, and juuust as reader finishes saying that, tommy hears it, so he just spends a week teasing + seducing reader, until she does something about it (maybe tease him right back)

JUST AN IDEA I THOUGHT YOU'D ENJOY! 🤫

MICHELLE—!! Your very much correct because I did in fact enjoy! ❤️

Warning: 18++ (minors y’all better get outta here I stg) smut, PnV. Tommy being such a tease, but it’s okay you get him back.

AN: y’all voted for smut on the poll so I provide, come get y’all juice <3

P.s teehee imagine him looking up at you like this when your riding him 🫣

SUCH A TEASE | T.MILLER

Springtime in Jackson had a lot of benefits, like more animals to be hunted, better harvest with lots of different types of crops which made for better food. The only downside, for you at least was how more precise patrols had to be. When the weather was warmer meant a higher possibility for infected and poachers. Which unfortunately for you meant that Tommy was out slot longer than you would like.

It was nearing ten at night when Tommy, Joel and the others finally arrived back home from patrol. Being stuck dealing with hoards of infected, it came to be no surprise that all he wanted to do was come home and see you.

After packing away his horse and gun, Tommy began his walk down to the Main Street. When it came to you staying up late for him to come home, which was alot more often as of late— Tommy knew exactly where you would be waiting for him.

Down inside the Tipsy Bison you were currently leaning against the bar along with one of your girlfriends, who came to keep you company. You were grateful that she stopped by because you always had the tendency to worry whenever Tommy would, your mind would flip through every worst scenario in your head like a good book. But Louise knew how to distract you, which apparently was by telling you her latest late night rendezvous with a particular coworker of yours.

“Okay Lou, please spare me the details. I’m working with him tomorrow morning and I don’t want to be traumatised.” You giggled, the few drinks the two of you drank together were already beginning to have its effect.

Absently your eyes drifted towards the saloon doors, your boyfriend still nowhere in sight. Sadly no amount of alcohol could ease your worries when it came to Tommy, the man was headstrong— which wasn’t always a good thing. “Hey I’m sure he’s okay.” Louise squeezed your hand reassuringly, despite your bubbly personality, she could still see how worried you were. “Now c’mon enough about me and more about you.”

Tommy smiled when the sound of your laughter filled his ears, after being gone all day all he wanted to do was spend the rest of his night with you. He felt bad, as of late he had been gone out on patrol longer than he was home with you. As he walked up behind you though, he was not expecting his hears to perk up at the mention of his name.

“Oh my God! You're worse than me! Does Tommy know about this?” Louise exclaimed hysterically,

“No-no but it's a thing I swear, I heard it's a saying. ‘Save a horse, ride a cowboy.”

Tommy couldn’t help but raise his brows in surprise, you never mentioned such interests to him before, his sweet innocent baby had a dirty little secret.

His mind instantly flooded him with images of you bucking your hips on top of him, his hands gripping on your warm velvet skin. The moans that would fall out of your mouth as you rolled on top of him as you reached your orgasm.

“Hey Tommy!” Louise called out to him, her pestilential voice rang through his ears. He returned her wave with a painful smile for the sake of niceties.

Your head quickly spun around to look behind you, the man you had been worrying about for the past couple of hours was standing behind you with a wide smile. “Had me worried for a second there.” You mumbled against his denim jacket, his muscly arms engulfing you into his chest. Everything felt perfect again now that you knew he was back safe with you.

"Sorry darlin.” He spoke softly as he kissed your hair, taking in your scent. A quiet groan falling from his mouth but luckily for him it was far too loud for you to hear. Tommy really couldn’t believe that you were hiding this little secret from him, especially one that he was quite fond of.

Tommy had a plan to get it out of you though, that was for sure.

. . .

You had no idea what your boyfriend was up to but you didn’t know how much more you could take. Since that night out with Louise he had been nothing but an absolute tease, and he knew what he was doing. He was always a flirt but he had taken it to a whole new level. His hands wandered more than usual, he flirted way more than he usually would.

What would usually be a quick peck in the morning before work, turned into a steamy kiss with his hands gripping onto your ass; making it absolutely infuriating when he’d pull away with some bullshit excuse. Leaving you high and dry, it was driving you insane!

The morning after your night out with Louise he got you as far as a writhing hot mess with both of your lips locked onto each other, only stopping to take gasps for air. You moaned against his mouth, as his tongue danced against yours. Arousal begins to pool in between your legs as he drops his warm kisses down to the nape of your neck, every now and again sucking on the soft skin.

“S-shit Tommy.” You let out a broken moan, your fingers gripped onto his crimson curls. Tommy couldn’t help the playful smile when an evil idea popped into his head, lifting his lips away from you.

No words left your mouth as it fell agape, your eyes looking up at his confused. “Why don’t you take what you want sweetheart?” Tommy whispered into your ear, sending shivers down your spine. For a moment you stood still in shock, never had he just plainly offered up the power to you like this. You had no idea what to do so instead you sat beside him frozen, noticing the devilish grin on his face.

“I-I dont–” Your head shook in confusion as you stuttered, this wasn’t the first time he had you lost for words like this. Tommy was a flirt, just as bad as he was the night he met you.

“It’s okay baby, why don’t you get ready for work? Wouldn’t want you to be late.” He gave you a chaste kiss on the lips before getting up from the spot beside you on the sofa and moving to the kitchen to make your coffee for the morning. Tommy wasn’t able to wipe the smile off his face as he thought about how wet you’d be all day thanks to him. Maybe you would give in quicker than he thought.

. . .

The next time was a few days after when he informed you that Joel invited the two of you to his home with Ellie for dinner, which you were elated about. Maybe if you were with the company of his brother, Tommy might actually calm down. You were beginning to get agitated with your lack of orgasm in the past couple of days, Tommy was the biggest tease and you didn’t know how long you could hold on.

You figured that he was surely finished with whatever game he was playing.

Well, that was what you thought until you arrived home and moved straight to your shared bedroom to get ready, and out waltzed Tommy in nothing but a towel wrapped around his toned torso. You froze because of course you did, he knew exactly what he was doing to you.

The muscles in his arms flexed as he brushed his teeth but your eyes fixated on his hands, you wondered what he would do with them if you rode him. If he would run them through your hair and pull on the ends so he could leave purple marks on the soft skin of your neck. Or if he would wrap his hands around your neck, taking the air straight out of your lungs.

His hair was still wet, beads of water dripped from his curls onto his bronzed shoulders. The faint remnants of how close you got to getting him the way you wanted only a few days ago. Red scratches lavished his olive skin like an artist's signature on a painting. A sense of pride washed over you with the thought of him taking his shirt off during the hot days in Jackson, how he loved the idea of everyone knowing you were his and vice versa.

You were so busy admiring the man in front of you that you didn’t even realise his eyes on you. When Tommy offered you a wide smile you quickly adverted your gaze, pretending your eyes weren’t just greedily glued to the raven hair path that stopped at the top of his towel. Your cheeks reddened as you turned to get changed, ignoring the pulsating yearning feeling you had to take him right here. Dinner be damned!

Tommy knew that his plan was working from the way you always avoided his gaze when he’d catch you watching him. He was driving you crazy and he knew it, he loved catching you in the act. How flustered and embarrassed you’d get. You wanted him just as much as he needed you.

He had you exactly where he wanted you.

Tommy couldn’t for the life of him, stop thinking about you. His teeth pressed against his knuckles, his eyes would glance back at you as you would speak. His usually soft caramel eyes were nearly black as he undressed you with his eyes. Those devilish denim shorts that were driving him wild, he wanted your thighs wrapped around his waist as he drilled into you. Fuck he needed his hands on you.

You jumped the second Tommy’s hand reached over to graze along the soft skin of your thigh, the two of you sitting beside each other at Joel’s home. Surely he wasn’t going to try anything with his brother and Eillie in the same room? His thumb kneaded your skin as he kept his eyes on Joel, the two of them engrossed in conversation.

You tried to ignore the arousal that was pooling in your underwear, his rough fingers danced dangerously close against the end of your shorts. Silently, you cursed the hot weather for giving your boyfriend the upper hand. Without warning he nonchalantly extended his arm so his pinky grazed against the soft fabric of your underwear.

With a shocked gasp you turned to face him, with eyebrows raised you stared at him I’m disbelief. Tommy only smiled in return as he knocked down the last of his whiskey, sending a wink your way.

‘Oh two could play that game’ You thought to yourself as you stood up, excusing yourself and making your way to the bathroom. You had an idea up your sleeve, for the perfect payback for teasing you all week.

Now it was his turn.

“Y’alright baby?” Tommy teased in your ear as you took your seat beside him, thinking he was getting you all roused up.

Little did he know.

Joel had called Ellie to help him with dessert, this was the perfect time for you to get your revenge. You returned him with an smile, nodding innocently has you placed your hand in his.

Tommy almost felt bad for teasing you all week, especially with small intimate moments like this. When you were happy with something so small, finding comfort just having his larger hands envelope yours. Key word being ‘almost’, moving your hand into your lap Tommy looked down to see what you left in his palm.

Your fucken underwear.

Quickly he stuffed the thin material into his pockets as he covered the smirk off his face with his hand. He was going to get you back for that one.

Dinner couldn’t have finished quicker, the two of you swiftly say your goodbyes to both Joel and Ellie before making your way home in the dark. Your hand instinctively reached out for Tommy’s, which he took before pulling you into his chest. “Pretty good trick you pulled in there.” He mumbled into your hair, his deep voice sending shivers down your spine. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You feigned ignorance, enjoying how the roles were reversed, now it was you that was driving Tommy insane.

As soon as the two of you were in the warm confides of your home Tommy's mouth latched onto yours, pushing till your back came into contact with the wall. You returned him the same amount of desperation, a whole week you had been waiting—you didn’t want to wait any longer. Both of your tongues fought for dominance as you groaned back into him.

“You’re going to be the death of me, women.” Tommy groaned against your mouth, his hot breath fanned against your mouth. “Could say the same for you, y’don’t think I know what you're up to?” You gasped in between touch-starved kisses, it felt like you had been waiting since forever for this moment.

“What was it you were sayin’ the other day to Louise? Telling your friend your dirty little secrets but not your boyfriend.” He tsked, shaking his head as his hands cupped your cheek, almost studying your face to see your reaction. “You heard that?” Your voice jumped, you knew you shouldn’t care. But a part of you worried with the thought of your boyfriend knowing your sexual desires.

“Yeah, n’here I thought you were all innocent, keeping dirty secrets from me.” Instantly you felt your cheeks redden in embarrassment, Tommy actually heard you that night and your drunken rambles. “I–I didn’t–” You stuttered but Tommy quickly shushed you, “I didn’t say it was a bad thing darlin’.” His Texan accent sends chills down your spine.

“Stop talking.” You breathed against his mouth, silencing him by sliding your tongue back into his. “You’ve been teasing me all week, I think it’s only fair if I get what I want.” The fingers you laced through his hair tugged just enough on his curls, a surprised gasp fell from his lips. “Yes ma'am.” Tommy drawled, feeling the blood rushing down in between his legs. Even though he hadn’t yet admit it to you, he loved it when you took control. Since he heard about your secret desire, he couldn’t stop thinking about you riding him and now it was finally happening. He felt like the luckiest man on earth,

Tommy dropped down onto the sofa, shimmying his jeans off in anticipation. His cock springing to life, your eyes instantly glued to the angry red tip that glistened under the light. Standing in front of him you made quick work throwing off your shorts and leaping onto Tommy’s lap. You wasted no time lining yourself up and slowly inching yourself down his thick shaft, a moan falling from your lips as you stretched around his cock.

Your cunt swallowed him eagerly as you started to rock your hips, his cock hitting all the right places. Once you had eventually adjusted to his size you picked up your pace, occasionally lifting your hip to then slide back down to his pelvis. “O-oh shit baby.” Tommy let out a shuddered breath as his head fell back onto the sofa. You felt a sense of pride, seeing how quickly you could render him speechless.

As you grinded into him the familiar arousal began pooling in the pit of your stomach. Tommy teased you all week, getting you so close to climax without you actually orgasming— you weren’t going to last long. And by the gasping mess that was Tommy, you knew he wasn’t going to as well.

Tommy's hands then clasped onto the soft flesh of your hips, you already knew his death grip was going to leave marks—Tommy was a sucker for letting everyone know who belonged to.

Suddenly you were lifted up, only to be slammed back down at a bruising pace. A loud slapping sounds echoes in the room as your thighs collide with his hips, your mouth fell open as you felt his cock hit the top of your cervix.

“Shit Tommy—" you mewled into Tommy's shoulders as you used your momentum to bounce on top of him. You clenched your eyes shut only being able to focus on how perfectly Tommy filled you up, feeling your orgasm fast approaching. “M’gonna come!” You whined as your body trembled, the tight knot in your stomach finally releasing as your orgasm washed over you.

“Oh fuck yeah baby—“ Tommy groaned into you as his dick twitched inside you, with his fingers still dug into your skin he sunk you back down with a bruising force. The two of you caught your breath in each other’s embrace, your hip still twitching as you felt him coating your walls. Neither one of you dared to move. “Holy shit.” You sighed out of breath, slight amusement in your voice.

“Baby, you gotta promise me to do that more often.”

[slashers-sister]

(This is something that happened, so I'm making a story, just imagine phones exist back then for the sake of this story)

Imagine you are on your phone on Pinterest, you found it fun, why?

Organizing, making cute and or deranged unsettling (Possibly ones about cannibalism people think are "AeStHeTiC!1! 😍🤪", you always did question which ones where and weren't actual cannibals..) moodboards.

Look, ya are quite lonely, and your brothers aren't always fun.

Actually you're in the barn hiding from your chores at the moment. You really didn't want to clean up all those knives :(

You like to keep random things, your room is FULL of stuff you've found around the farm. You got a lot of your personality from the twins, and Bubba. You spent most of your time with them.

..or stuff you've taken but that's besides the point!

You had bottles from 1947, your oldest glass bottle is from 1937! You also have old pins, which you and your brother Chop-Top do have a rivalry over who has the coolest.. Nubbins is the mediator, saying usually something along the lines of "Ya both tied, they are both equally cool." In reality he just can't choose who he likes more sometimes

You were on your phone, you heard Drayton calling. Oh no. You put it on a hay bale and immediately jump down from the hayloft. It's.. big but you fuck around and find out too often and have quite a high pain and heat tolerance.

"(Insert your full legal name), Get yer ass out here!"

To say your stomach filled with fear was definitely.. an understatement.

What did you do to piss off Drayton now? No idea but you went to go see what he needed. Hoping you weren't in for a beating on the head or back, why? He didn't whip you, he smacked your back so hard with a broom you heard a CRUNCH. Yes, you were fine. Well mostly, definitely traumatized a wee bit.

——————————————————————————

Meanwhile, guess who also had chores in the barn! The twins!

Guess who didn't lock, sign out, and brick their phone? You!!

Immediately they are nosey. What's their precious little-

..They didn't find porn, or anything like that.

Nah they just found the Spotify account, the notepad, which you definitely had a few issues. Specifically anger issues, you had some notepads you had to take 5 minutes to scroll through bottom too.

Your Pinterest was full of weird stuff. Odd animal pictures that look weirdly funny and distorted? Funny lil cannibalism boards, memes, a mountain of memes because you are either chronically yeehaw or chronically online, take that as you will.

They found a few moodboards about them, about our(? Your? Their? Ya get the point) Brother Drayton. Honestly it matched his personality.

Bubba's was cute and full of taxidermied roadkill, you had made both of theirs earlier, and rearranged it perfectly.

Then they found theirs.

When Nubbins saw it, you even had a picture of his knife and camera almost exactly, how cool!

You had Chop-Top's favorite band, maybe you do listen!

Then Chop-Top started hysterically laughing.

"W-w-what? What's s-so funny?"

Chop-Top gladly pointed it out.

Nubbins couldn't tell if he should laugh, cry, be offended, or plot your murder.

Meanwhile Chop-Top is dying (almost literally) of laughter. "That is the funniest shit I've ever seen her do, that takes the meat!" (You guys often don't say "take the cake", but "take the meat" as a joke.)

Fun fact, nobody actually went to school.. you guys were all homeschooled by big bro dray.

Chop-Top calmed his twin down after a while, still looking through the board, you had found many things you thought they would, it did like. You got almost everything right.

They are definitely plotting how they both can get you back tho.

——————————————————————————

No, Drayton wasn't too pissed off. You just forgot to tell him where you were, and scared the ever-loving shit out of this poor man.

Once you got back to the barn, you climbed to the hayloft.. and noticed your phone was moved. You immediately went through it, but surprisingly nothing was out of the ordinary.. except your notepad had a new note.

"you'll end up worse<3"

Cheeky little bi-

You silently live in fear waiting for what prank they'll do next :(

[mythicalmagical-monkeyman]

Le gays, nothing new lmao. Undercut, you know the drill. @murkystarlight

Summary:

Cyborg Cooper only he mentally dies while thinking about the technicalities and freaks out to Mateo about it

Additional Tags:

Izzie and Z- Blob are there briefly. headcanons, Cyborg Cooper. Mateo’s a good boyfriend. Cooper’s sparky, literally. mental crisis. Author wrote this on a whim. Dream world setting. Comfort. No beta we die mentally. Aged-Up Character(s)

With a yawn, Mateo swung his feet over the side of his bed and swiveled his head around to take in the landing. 

Unlike usual the landing was mostly quiet and the only others in sight were Izzie and Cooper who were sitting over by the trunk of the Marlowbaconkiller, the treehouse tree. So fight them they had been annoying baby teens when they had named the poor tree.

Z-Blob landed with a squish as he jumped up onto Mateo’s shoulder and nuzzled into the teen’s cheek with a gooey head bump. Mateo leaned into it until Z-Blob popped back to simply go on to stand on his shoulder and Mateo got up. 

Lazily the two made their way over to the tree. 

As Mateo drew closer he took in how Izzie was scribbling notes aggressively in a notebook while leaning against the front of the tree trunk while Cooper leaned up against the side, staring down in dismay at his hands. 

Mateo tilted his head to the side, “Alright what’s Cooper having a mental crisis about this time?” 

Izzie abruptly looked up before drawing out a long, “Uhhhhhhhh,” she then leaned over to glance around the side of the tree before turning back to Mateo, “it’s probably … better just to ask him about it yourself.” 

Mateo pressed his lips into a thin line but with an audible pop he let his mouth fall back open as he muttered, “Oh that’s not concerning.” 

Z-Blob hopped down from Mateo’s shoulder to join Izzie in whatever she was doing as Mateo walked the short distance over to Cooper. 

“Hey,” Mateo greeted, waving his hand slightly. 

His boyfriend let out a deranged, “EHH,” in greeting as he continued to stare at his hands. 

Ah, “So it’s that type of night?” Mateo guessed as he crouched in front of Cooper, “What happened this time?” 

Cooper shakily held up his hands, the pair of them cybernetic and metal thanks to a bit of dream crafting, though Mateo knew Cooper’s entire right arm up to his collarbone was metallic whereas only everything below the wrist on his other hand had been given the same treatment.    

“ Do I technically have hands?” Cooper asked, his voice half hysterical. 

Mateo blinked, and took a small second to think of how to respond, “That’s… silly frijoles, of course you have hands. They’re right here,” 

Mateo carefully grabbed Cooper’s hands in his own, wrapping them from the sides and bringing them up to his mouth so he could kiss his knuckles. 

“No, no, but like they’re cyborg replacements,” Cooper insisted, his voice sounding hushed yet panicked as he pulled his hand a little ways from Mateo, “ I dream crafted these! THEY’RE NOT MY REAL HANDS! Nothing’s under thesssse-” 

“Coop how’d you even begin to think about thi-“Mateo cut himself off as he heard snickering from his side and slowly turned away to see Izzie shaking with badly hidden laughter, “SERIOUSLY!?” 

“What!?” Izzie crowed back, her tone sounding like she was only trying to half defend herself, “I was curious,”

“Oh my gaw Izzie,” 

“HEY LISTEN THE THOUGHTS WERE TOO STRONG-“ Izzie yelled, scooting over to hide herself more behind the tree. 

Mateo simply shook his head with a sigh, “Izzie-“ 

“She’s right, she’s right, she’s right though!! ” Cooper hissed, and Mateo turned back towards him as the blond started to squirm a little, “ They’re not my hands Mateo, they’re inserts and I can take them off! There’s nothing under them, they’re full cybernetic robot hands!!! ‘TEO! ‘TEO DO YOU UNDERSTAND-“ 

Before Mateo could quite register what was happening, Cooper had grabbed him by the shirt collar and begun to shake him. 

“Hey, hey!” Mateo grabbed his boyfriend by the shoulders only to adjust his hands to the sides of Cooper’s ribcage when Cooper winced, “Quit shaking me!” 

Cooper quickly cooled it but still vibrated slightly like he wanted to keep shaking something. Without thinking much about it, Mateo sat down and gently dragged Cooper forward so he could pull him into his lap. Cooper knelt, straddling Mateo’s lap, and wrapping his arms around the other’s neck as well. Slowly they started to rock, back and forth, as Mateo nuzzled his face into Cooper’s shoulder he tried to find where flesh turned to metal so he could plant a few kisses along the fissure while rubbing his fingers up Cooper’s spine.

When Cooper finally settled, Mateo pulled back, loosening the blond's grip around his neck so that his wrists rested on Mateo’s shoulders.   

Though it was such a small tick, such a small movement yet all Mateo noticed was Cooper’s eyes flicking away, not daring to look at him directly so Mateo reached up and took Cooper’s hands in his own again. He laced their fingers together, the metal cold and rough but Mateo knew that for all the danger they could possess they’d never hurt him.

“Alright Coop,” Mateo stated as squeezed the blond’s hands, “Cooper look at me ‘kay.” 

Slowly Cooper looked at him, almost shyly like he was scared but Mateo greeted him with a soft smile. 

“These are your real hands ok, they might be different now, they might be damaged and changed, but they’re still your hands.” The tenseness seemed to ease from Cooper’s shoulders as Mateo went on, “They’re an extension of you and everything they do, they’ve saved people, saved me , they’re a part of you just as much as the rest of you is. But most importantly they’re still you.”   

Hesitantly Cooper shook his head as he tried to protest, “Bu-but my… my lightning, it comes from them not from me, they aren’t a part of me-?” Cooper’s voice picked up at the end like he was almost stuck between trying to prove to Mateo that his lightning wasn’t his and like he was still questioning his existence. 

So his lightning was also part of the problem, hu. Mateo wouldn’t lie when he said he hadn’t quite grasped the idea of how Cooper was able to summon up sparks of red electricity that he could use shock people or fry the circuitry of something but he figured it probably wouldn’t be horrible if he made a jump to try and guess at where it came from. 

“Your lightning doesn’t come from these,” Mateo let go of Cooper’s right hand so he could place the back of his hand up against where his heart would be, “it comes from this-“ 

Cooper quick jumped in to correct him, “That’s not how electricity works-“ 

“Shhh, I’m trying to make a point you doof, but listen. This is all you,” he let Cooper’s other hand drop so he could gesture to the blond in full, “they’re you ‘kay? Even if it doesn’t seem like it.” 

Cooper glanced down at his hands and adjusted them to hold them a little higher so that he could safely summon up a little spark of electricity that crackled along his fingers before reaching the tips and dying out. He shook his hands out after that and lurched forward to tackle Mateo into a hug. 

The pair fell back onto the ground with a small “oof” where Mateo returned the hug tightly.  

“You good now?” Mateo asked as he felt Cooper start to wiggle a little. 

“Mph, give me a minute,” 

“Alright, but then we’re talking about when the last time you slept before this was,” 

Cooper let out a scream which slowly dissolved into a laugh, “AHHHHHHHAHA, NO!” 

“COOPER-“ 

[obsidianpen]

Me again, I just thought of a scenario, imagine: Harry goes to the B&B, he talks to TR, right, but he's going to have to buy something, it's strange for him to go to a store and leave without buying anything, right? So what if he bought the Slytherin locket?! 👁👄👁

Even better, he buys the locket and presents it to Tom, claiming some excuse like 'for the good chat., or Harry buys it and takes it with him, that would irritate Tom, I know!! lmaoo

oh ok I should go to sleep before I wake everyone up with my hysterical laughter haha

oKAy so what I imagined was really similar!!! But at this point I assumed that Hepzibah already had it, Tom just doesn’t know where it is yet. I feel like it’ll it were at B&B he’d def steal it, or at least would never let it walk out the door with some saucy old witch. So what I imagined happening (omg here I go agaaaaaain) is that Harry - who we’ve now established is dressed nicely with a small fortune, see previous post - waltzes in, and yeah, he has to actually be looking around like he belongs there. Happens to be at the ‘likely cursed jewelry and shit’ section, that’s when riddle manifests like ‘what can I help you find yadda yadda insert much more suave and titillating words here’, Harry sees it’s all jewelry and so he says the first thing he thinks of, that he’s looking for a locket, riddle asks what kind, Harry finds himself semi describing Slytherin ha lockets before he catches himself and is like “er, no, I meant—you know what, nevermind” and riddle is a bit sus, Harry is mediocre at Occlumency so while he’s able to keep his thoughts private he is not able to do so gracefully and so Harry is certain that riddle knows he’s using it very consciously whenever they make eye contact - so, flustered, he tries to act all bored and like this store has nothing he wants and to leave on a high note, BUT THEN riddle, who is clearly very intrigued by this mysterious rich wizard who has yet to give his name and who is obviously looking for Slytherins locket, just like he is - asks very nonchalantly about the scar on his forehead (“…I’m no expert,” Riddle said lowly, those black eyes visibly tracing the jagged lines of his scar, “but it looks to have been caused by something… dark.”)

OH and right before he leaves, Burke is like, “couldn’t help but over hear you, sir, I believe I know the locket you’re describing. Very rare, beautiful piece, you have excellent taste, if my assumption is correct. Rumored to have belonged to Salazar Slytherin himself… sold it a few months ago to a different patron… but do check back with us. Many of our objects have a fascinating way of returning to our shop.”

Riddle: innocent expression, definitely about to look up who that patron was and go get that locket asap, several years before he otherwise would have

Harry, internally: fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuujuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

[wishitweresummer]

Hiccups (Sapnap x Y/N)

Word count: 621

Hey guys! Remember when I asked if anyone wanted a self-insert Sapnap tickle fic and then never ever brought it up again…here it is!

You’re the lee…good luck! <3

I narrow my eyes at Sapnap from across the dining table, swallowing hard and dropping the now-empty sugar packet between us. Then...I hiccup again. We let out a groan at the same time.

I've had the hiccups for about fifteen minutes now and we've been trying to get rid of them. We started with some little breathing exercises, then he held me in a hand stand. We moved on to chugging water and now eating some sugar. Nothing seems to work.

"Honestly, you need to shut up it's so annoying.", he says. I respond with a hiccup, ignoring his fake aggression.

"Is there anything we haven't tried?".

"Actually, wait! We can get back to that in a second, I gotta tell you something. “, Sapnap stares at me until he’s sure he has my attention. “So, yesterday I was walking into the- BOO!!!", he jumps up suddenly as he yells, causing his chair to fall back and me to jump in surprise a little. "Did I scare you?".

"I mean, yeah.", I say, then hiccup. “You’re an idiot.”. He throws his hands up and stands there for a moment, but then starts to walk around the table towards me.

"That's it. Get up.", he speaks sternly.

"Huh?".

"Get up.".

I stand up, but gasp painfully as he quickly grabs me around the waist and throws me over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

"Hey hey -hic- hey!", I yell. He walks to the couch and throws me down on my back. “Sapnap!!”. Before I can stop him, he grabs my sides roughly and shakes me by them, causing me to squeal out and squirm under his hold, my hands trying to push his away. "No!!!", but he does anyway. He starts to tickle my sides and I throw my head back, hiccuping loudly through my laughter. “Stop!!!”.

"I'm going to tickle them away!".

"Please! You're -hic- just punishing -hic- me!", I sputter out through my laughter. My hiccups seem to be getting worse. I twist and keep trying to throw his hands off. He jerks his hands up and tickles roughly at my rib cage, sending a ticklish jolt through my body. "No!! No please!", I squeal and laugh. I feel a hot blush take over my nose and cheeks as I have to resort to begging. Sapnap doesn’t listen.

Soon, another hiccup slips out between my laughter and his tickling becomes rougher. He moves one hand to my side and the other to that spot above my knee on my thigh. I cry out and slip into hysterical laughter, my hands pushing at his body and hands and the couch and anything I can get them on. My body convulses against my will at the ticklish touch. He's silent and smirking as he tortures me, clearly enjoying himself.

In an attempt to get away, I flip onto my stomach…which is a huge mistake. He straddles my back and continues the tickling. Poking at my back and sides, squeezing at my shoulders and my hips. His hands are everywhere. I gasp and laugh and squeak and squirm.

"Okay!! I can't take it!!". I squeeze my eyes shut as I struggle under his weight, feeling myself get lost to the feeling. I’m completely helpless now.

“I’m helping you.”, Sapnap leans in a little to tease the words right into my ear. I can’t help my embarrassing squeal.

"No more!". More tickling. "Please!". Even more tickling. "Oh my god!". Merciless tickling.

I gasp out as it suddenly stops and his weight moves off of me. I lay on the couch limp, gasping for breath. I roll over after a few seconds to see his smiling face.

"You have been cured!", he declares.

[asherscoffin]

[This is @cloak-and-dagg3r I just have to use my main blog]

Feel free to ramble on about Misha whoever you’d like but one question I have in particular is if he ever meets any companions after going into hiding or what kinda happens after that??

He’s a very interesting guy I do have to say

Thanks for the ask, Ash!! (Hehe we have the same name)

Despite having been working on Misha's story/character for about 5 years i have yet to get deep enough to start writing in other characters and companions for Misha- A lot of my inspiration comes from my friends and creating aus with them...so even though he doesn't have any companions in his main story, i have like, a billion aus where he does have a companion! Most of them are romantic, i really enjoy shipping ocs together lol. It's pretty fun and there's lots of chemistry that we can experiment with! It could be tragic, passionate and sweet, or something of dark desires... >:)

I do have some favorite aus though!

The Lockwood Farm AU, after Misha settles into hiding in Texas, he meets a man named Lupin who owns a family farm that appears to act as a rehabilitation center. When secretly, it's a cannibalistic cult that is tied to a dark, demonic power that controls it from deep within. Lupin draws Misha in and convinces him to join, which wasn't difficult given Misha isn't a stranger to cannibalism and is generally mentally dark, already classified insane. He was all around deeply willing. An unstable, passionate, and obsessive type of love sprouts between Misha and Lupin. They are a bloodlusty force to be reckoned with. Misha would come to join activities of the cult. Hunting "sheep" within the night while running alongside "wolves", and then feasting upon said sheep in a celebratory dinner. These sheep being victims, and the wolves being members of the cult. He can feel a new electrifying energy coursing through him, he's now more dangerous than before.

( @oddogoblino is the other side of the brain for this au, Lupin also belongs to him! The entire Lockwood Family Farm concept belongs to him! Our stories simply came together ^^)

Yet to be named AU(it's very new), Misha, after going into hiding is eventually found by the Russian Mafia and is captured. They plan on torturing him and killing him much like they did his father. He is beaten and tortured relentlessly yet never ceases to laugh in the face of death with bloodstained teeth. Hysterical laughter despite being broken, bloodied and bound. He peaks the interest of one of the many members of the mafia, Kolya. A gentleman with a hatred for Misha, but something about his bloodied smile and manic laughter makes his heart pound. Not only with anger, but with a warm excitement. Misha tended to tease Kolya sexually, coaxing out repressed homosexual feelings that he was ashamed of. Misha had expected to piss Kolya off before he was inevitably killed, but the results were unexpected, but worth settling for... Kolya had fallen in love with this madman he was meant to kill, and between them they aspired an escape. Kolya and Misha had formed a bond, and thus Kolya faked Misha's death and placed him back into hiding, with him. Inserting a poison in Misha that he could, at any time, set off if Misha chose to betray him and escape.

( Kolya belongs to my friend @whimster! It was very fun writing this au together and honestly i'm thinking about making it canon to Misha's story! :D So if you're curious about what happens after he goes into hiding, this may be it! I also want to eventually do a segment where he is institutionalized but gets broken out... )

Tysm again for the ask, i had fun replying and info dumping about some aus and Misha's relationships,,,,

[snappit-the-snek]

When Fae Sleep on the Ceiling

--------------------------------------------------------------

Word Count: 1.1k

Fandom: Twisted Wonderland

Genre: Crack

Warnings: None

Character: Lilia Vanrouge

Headcanon: He has slept upside down in the hallway and scared the shit out of a Diasomnia student, on more than one occasion. It may have been on purpose the second time.

A/N: first in my series of writing headcannons and short stories :>

--------------------------------------------------------------

Silence settled over Diasomnia, the only sounds coming from the crackling of the dim green torches and the clocks ticking away. Moonlight filtered in through the tall windows, casting soft shadows across the floor and grazing the faces of the students in their beds. Yes, 3 am in the dorm was as peaceful as it had always been-

“AAAAAAAAAGH.” Okay, maybe not. The frantic footsteps of a student echoed down the hallway, the student in question turning the corner at an alarming speed which sent them crashing into a corner table. Lilia watched incredolously as the boy picked himself up and continued his panicked sprint down the next hallway. The scream and flee-the-large-bat-thing routine didn’t come as much of a shock to him, this had happened several times before to a variety of jittery first years who were still adjusting to the spookyness of the dorm. It was the fact that they had sent the corner table into the afterlife in their attempt to get away from the sentient black lump hanging from the hallway ceiling that surprised him.

“Father, what are you doing.” Lilia turned his head and came face to face with a weary looking Silver. The cacophony of noises must have woken him up, an impressive feat. He would have to give kudos to that student later.

“Sleeping of course. What else would I be doing.” he chirped innocently. He gave the boy an upside down grin, which in turn received a suspicious look.

“Then why did I hear such a profound screech of terror?”

“Ah yes, that.” Lilia released an arm from his cape to make a wide gesture to the smashed corner table. “Evidently the mention of fae potentially sleeping in the hallway was missed during orientation again. Unfortunately this time an innocent life was taken.” Silver blinked at the pile of wood in surprise.

“Such a shame really. That corner table had so much life left to live.” Lilia raised a hand to his forehead, feigning a pained expression. “Alas, it met an untimely end this fair morning. We must grieve.”

“It is too early in the morning to be grieving for a table father.” Silver grumbled, exhaustion starting to creep up on him once again. “There are few people that would actually grieve a table in the first place-”

“NOOOOOOOO! TABLE-SAMA ARE YOU ALRIGHT!?” Insert jumping five feet in the air out of surprise. If the voice hadn’t already confirmed who was now very loudly mourning the table, the bright green hair sure did.

“WHO DID THIS TO YOU!? TABLE-SAMA ANSWER ME!”

“Sebek it is 3:10 in the morning tone it down!” Silver hissed, glaring down at the underclassman who was currently trying to sooth the pile of very much inanimate wood.

“I know its such a tragedy that the table had to leave us so soon.” Lilia piped up, adding to the hysterics that wracked the first year.

“WE MUST FIND WHO DID THIS TO THEM! THE TABLE WILL BE AVENGED!” Sebek cried. Both his arms shot into the air in anger holding seperate halves of one of the broken table legs. Silver groaned, softly facepalming while Lilia cackled loudly behind him. The commotion over the now pile of shards was so great that it drew the attention of more and more of the sleeping (was sleeping) students.

“Lilia, what is the meaning of all this noise.” Malleus questioned, letting out a yawn while striding closer to the crime scene. Lilia was wheezing so hard with laughter he couldn’t directly answer the horned fae, only pointing a shaking finger towards the hysterical man on the floor before falling back into uncontrollable laughter.

“I’m sorry Malleus I didn’t think this would get so out of hand-” Silver started, but was once again interrupted by a booming screech.

“TABLE-SAMA HAS BEEN KILLEEDDDDD!” Sebek cried, tears rolling down his face while he gestured his shaking hands to the broken table in front of him.

“Oh dear, it seems the vase on the table broke as well.” Malleus noted, crouching down to pick up some of the shattered white porcelain that littered the floor. “What a shame, I quite liked that vase.”

“Can we leave this matter for the morning, please.” Silver said exasperated, “We’re waking up the entirety of the dorm with this nonsense.” He gestured the hand not currently facepalming down the hallway, towards the several doors that had revealed confused and exhausted students staring directly at them.

“Ah yes, many apologies fellow students. Please go back to bed.” Malleus said, turning his head to address the growing crowd. The students turned back into their dorm rooms, grumbling about being woken up at such an ungodly hour of the morning before closing the door behind them. The fae turned back towards the wreckage, raising a hand towards it. Green magic rolled off his fingers like mist, curling around the pieces of the table and melding them together. Malleus watched as the vase put itself back together as well, setting itself down on the now fixed table with a thump.

“There, the matter has been dealt with.” He said, standing and brushing the remaining dust off of his nightclothes. “We shall find the student and have a talk with him about furniture etiquette first thing in the morning. I will be going back to bed now. Sleep well.” He offered a small smile towards the other three before turning to go back towards his room. Lilia was still trying to recover from his laughing fit, giggles still escaping him as he curled into himself.

“*sniff* Table-sama has been fixed! We must celebrate!”

“In the morning Sebek.”

“Yes I know that Silver.” Sebek snapped, wiping any remaining tears from his face. “Who in their right mind would celebrate a table being fixed at such early hours. Right then, see you in the morning.” Sebek shot up from his seated position on the floor, offering a curt nod and walking off like a solider in a marching band. It was as if he hadn’t just spent the better part of five minutes crying on the floor over a dismembered table.

“I will be heading to bed as well.” Silver yawned. “Please refrain from scaring more students tonight. We don’t need more broken furniture.”

“No promises.” Lilia wheezed, “If someone else gets scared I’ll warn them against smashing the table again.” Being too tired to respond, Silver opened the door to his room and walked inside.

“Good night father.” The door shut behind him, leaving the fae to his own devices. The rest of the night was relatively peaceful, the silence only being broken by the occasional giggling of the vice dormleader hanging from the ceiling. He was no doubt plotting who to 'accidentally' scare next, and if he was lucky, maybe he could get the unlucky victim to break something else.

[magma-queen]

A Venus x Maxie one-shot I whipped up over the course of a few days!

I hope Maxie is in-character! 😬🤞

-

On an uneventful day, Venus was feeling bored, and wanted to do something. All her girlfriends were busy, so shopping was out; she didn’t want to go alone either.

She was currently at home with her redheaded husband, but he was absorbed into a book on the living room couch, and didn’t seem interested in curing her boredom; not even her current outfit, consisting of cute moon shorts, and a flattering spooky-printed camisole, caught his attention.

⬇⬇⬇

⬆⬆⬆

She entered the living room, and puffed her bangs up, intentionally being indiscreet. Maxie didn’t even glance up from his book. She walked over to the couch, opposite to him, and draped her upper body over the top with another deep sigh. Still nothing. In a third try, she knelt down right behind his back, and rested her arms and small nose on the arm of the couch. “I’m bored,” She moaned.

“Heard you the whole time.” He still kept his back to her. “Why don’t you go out with your girl friends?”

“They’re all busy, and I don’t want to go out alone. Who will give me ideas?”

“Then bake those cookies you made me get last week.”

“It’s not close enough to Valentine’s Day yet,” She pouted.

“Design something, then.” As a hobby, she made designs for apparel, jewelry, and furnishing that were, as he would put it, macabre. Lots of dark colors and printings, plus certain Pokemon inserted in. It wasn’t his thing, personally, but it was definitely hers, as evident by some of the decor scattered around the house.

“I’m having an art block,” She whined.

He rolled his eyes. She could be a real child sometimes. “Well V, I’m reading this right now, so if you’re bored, find something for yourself until I’m finished with this chapter.” 

Now Maxie loves his wife more than anything, but he also enjoyed alone times when they were available. And normally, she did too; but she had occasional moments of craving his attention. 

She sat down on the couch cushion in front of him, and pouted again where he could see, with a little whimper and head tilt for good measure.

Maxie stayed focused on his book, trying not to notice the Goth girl in his peripherals. How her black-painted lashes fluttered under her thick, green bangs, and framed her deep, forest green eyes. Or how her shorts effectively showed off her smooth, ivory legs, and her top hugged her tiny body in all the right places. Thankfully for him, his will to not give in triumphed; his gaze stayed on the captivating story in front of him.

Venus dropped the cute look in disappointment. That didn’t work. She looked down, and smirked; he was sitting with his legs parallel to one another, bent comfortably like a triangle, and no shoes. Or socks.

Bingo.

Her recently-manicured hand sneakily drew to his left foot, while her eyes stayed on him. He didn’t notice what she was doing. She gently drew her black nails down from the ankle; before she could reach his toes, he reacted.

She burst into laughter at his jerking motion, and the high-pitched tone of the loud yelp he unleashed. Not to mention his book flying from his hands, and landing on the carpet with a thump. “Venus!”

“Oh my God, that was amazing!” She wheezed, doubling over. “I didn’t think you were capable of that tone!”

Maxie caught his breath from the mini heart attack she just gave him. “Don’t do that!”

“What?” She teased. “This?” She tickled the top of his foot again.

“AAH!” His leg kicked up to push her hand away, but she grabbed onto his ankle. “Yes, that!”

A devious grin grew on her face, as her grip became more firm. “You and me both know that’s not going to happen.” She began lightly tickling the bottom of his foot with her sharp nails.

“Vehehehehenuhuhuuhuhus!” Maxie began giggling and squirming hysterically, trying to pull his leg back. She was stronger than she looked. “Stohohohohop!”

“No way!” She shook her head. “Now I’m no longer bored! And you’re just so cute!”

“Dahahahamihihihihit Venus, stop ihihihihit! GAAH!!” He squealed when she went for his toes. “NOHOHOHOHOHO!! NOHOHOHOT THEHEHEHEHERE!!”

“Ooh, sweet spot!” Venus grinned like the little imp she was.

“IHIHIHI SWEHEHEHAHAHAHAR, VEHEHEHENUHUHUHUS, IHIHIHIHI’LL KILL YOHOHOUHUHUHUHUHU!!”

“I wouldn’t be making threats if I were you,” She teased, “I have the upper hand, baby.” She stopped, but quickly crawled into his lap, and ravaged his sides with both hands. 

“NOHOHOHOHOHO!!!” He howled with laughter, and tried to shield himself. “VEHEHEHEHEHENUHUHUHUS, STOHOHOHOHOP!!! GEHEHEHEHET OHOHOHOHOFF OF MEHEHEHEHEHE!!!”

“Sometimes I forget how ticklish you are, Max,” She giggled, “But then it comes back to me.” She stopped after a few minutes, and backed off to let him breathe.

Maxie panted and heaved for air, as he sat up with his legs away from her sneaky fingers. This wasn’t exactly her first attack. “Y’know V, I would’ve been done with that chapter by now, if you haven’t done that. Now you have to wait longer, little missy.”

Venus smirked at him, then practically dove to the floor, and snatched the book up. “Come and get it!” She dared, then made a run for it to the hall.

With an eye roll, Maxie slid down on his feet, and ran after her. Surely someone as tiny as her couldn’t be that fast, right? 

Turns out, that someone could be.

She kept up her little game for at least five minutes, scaling the whole house, and slowly wearing him out; she even slid between his legs to escape him, all the while keeping the book out of his reach. He tried to grab one of her ankles, but narrowly missed; the chase was immediately back on.

In the living room where it started, it seemed good luck turned to Maxie’s corner. Venus had to slow down to dodge some furniture in the room, and he managed to catch up to her. She squeaked and dropped the book when he quickly wrapped his arms around her waist. “Nohoho!” She was laughing already.

“Your turn, V-V,” He teased, and wiggled his fingers into her ribs.

“NAAAHAHAHAHA!!” She squealed, and squirmed wildly. “HAHAHAHAHA, STAHAHAHAHAHAP!!”

“Oh no, this is my time, girlie,” He smirked.

Venus threw her head back, and clamped her arms down when he shifted up into her armpits. “GAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!” She tried to pull his hands away, but her energy was draining from his revenge. 

She reached one hand around, and managed to start tickling his back. “AAGH!!” Maxie jerked away, bumping into her; he stopped his own attack long enough for her to turn around and regain the advantage. “NOHOHOHOHO, NOHOHOT THEHEHEHEHERE!!!” He shouted with laughter. “VEHEHEHEHENUHUHUHUS, STOHOHOHOHOHOP!!!” They both ended up on the floor, as her fingers skittered all over his back, even going along his spine, as his cheeks turned as red as his hair. She pinned him down on the floor, pulled his shirt up, and blew a raspberry in his belly, as her hands went for his sides again at the same time. “GAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!” He screamed. Since it was a rare moment of her lacking makeup, she didn’t leave any lipstick residue... this time. Though her long, soft hair draping down did him no favors. “VEHEHEHEHEHE, YOU’RE KIHIHIHIHIHILLING MEHEHEHEHEHE!!!”

She then backed off to let him recover. “For someone as stoic as you, you sure are cute when you laugh.”

He smirked at her through more panting. “I should... say the same... about you.”

“Thanks.” She crawled over to him, giggling when he tensed up. “I promise I’m done,” She said sincerely.

“O-okay.” She shifted into his lap, now with better intentions, and initiated a kiss between them. He happily reciprocated, wrapping his arms around her shoulders. Little did she know, the sweet moment wasn’t going to last.

She may had concluded her playful tickle attack for the day.

But Maxie wasn’t done yet.

As she pulled away, his hands sneaked down to her midsection, before going absolutely crazy on her sides. “NAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!” She screamed, and thrashed under him. “NOHOHOHOHOT THEHEHEHEHEHERE!!! NOHOHOHOT MY SIHIHIHIHIDES, PLEHEHEHEAHAHASE!!!” She accidentally let a loud snort out amidst her laughter.

“Did you just snort?” Maxie chuckled. “That’s adorable; you sounded like a Tepig.”

“AAAAGH, STAHAHAHAHAHAP!!!” She howled.

“Are you going to attack me like you did again?”

“YEHEHEHEHES!!!”

Maxie smirked with a quick eye roll. Again, what a child. “Wrong answer, missy.” He dug into where her sensitive waist curved in, unleashing more loud, squealy laughter. “Now for the second time, are you going to attack me like that again?”

“NOHOHOHOHO, I WOHOHOHOHON’T!!!” She shook her head frantically.

He then drew his hands away, though not without briefly tickling her flat belly where her top had ridden up, making her shoot up in a sitting position. She heaved in exhaustion, hugging herself as much as humanely possible. “S-sorry I started it,” She giggled, “I was bored, and you’re just so cute.”

“I don’t think you really are, but I’ll take it,” He teased, and leaned for a kiss.

She giggled, and pulled away after a few seconds. “You’re right.”

MY GOD THIS IS SO CUTE 😭😭 I loved every word! This was such a pleasant surprise to wake up to! Jdhdhfjdjsndkfkm *dies*

This will help me a little better in writing for Venus in the future! And I’m writing these remaining fics for you! 😭 This makes me smile so much, it’s so cute!

[chaoticjoke]

Watching Barbie handle the custom pink gun is like enjoying a separate form of art. He wonders whether there were any safety rules in that 'Barbie-land' she keeps rambling about. Even he, Joker has to admit, isn't that careless with guns. It was a smart decision to unload the weapon before giving it to her unless he wanted her to change her current occupation... This Barbie is a pirate! Are ya ready kids? I can't hear ya...

His head is tilted to the side as he stares at her genuinely puzzled expression while the blonde is so desperately trying to fire the pesky gun with the safety on. She's still too smart for a living doll, but for a woman who looks like a doll... well, her IQ doesn't matter as long as she keeps amusing him like she is at the moment. His laughter starts as a low rumble radiating from his chest and then it quickly turns into hysterical cackling.

"Ahhhh," he exhales sharply, failing at stifling the giggles as he wipes the tears from the outer corners of his eyes mixing the black and white on his skin, turning it muddy grey. "Gurrrrl. You're a riot." He grabs the pink gun, gripping it firmly in a gloved hand. He didn't even need to unload the pistol putting the bullets in his coat pocket. Oh well, you'll never know with Barbie. She's almost as unpredictable as he is. Maybe that's why he likes her. "Here. Lemme teach ya." He establishes and maintains eye contact, making sure he has her full attention and more.

The Agent of Chaos is going to make sure that she watches and learns. His murder doll in the making.

"You gotta load it first." And so he does, swiftly and effortlessly, but not as fast as he does it on a daily basis. He ejects the magazine, inserts the bullets, then re-inserts the magazine with a loud clicking sound. "Like this." He takes the safety off with his finger and racks the slide. "See?" The next second he aims at the picture of the Batman from the newspaper clipping that's pinned on the wall over his desk and shoots twice. One bullet goes into the Batman's head, creating a ragged hole in it. The other goes right through the heart.

"Always aim with both eyes open." Joker instructs, unloads the gun and passes the weapon and ammo back to her. "Now..." he swipes his tongue over his lips and lowers his voice. "you try."

his  words  like  whipped  cream  on  top  of  waffles  ⸻  to  say  barbie  was  content  with  joker  would  be  an  understatement.  that  bat  man  clearly  didn't  know  joker  like  she  did.  and  what  a  pity  that  is!  all  worries  fade  from  her  visage  when  their  hands  intertwined,  pearly  whites  bared  at  him.  ❝  i  know,  i  know,  ❞  a  pause  commences,  in  which  she  shook  her  head  to  sway  the  few  strands  that  blocked  her  vision,  ❝  but  for  a  moment  there,  i  totally  doubted  my  thoughts.  it  was  like  when  we  first  met!  ❞  she  mused,  losing  track  of  reality  as  her  mind  was  too  preoccupied  to  remember  their  first  encounter.  barbie  was  hopeless  and  full  of  flaws  she  never  even  knew  existed.  that  was,  until  she  crossed  paths  with  the  joker.  someone  who  acknowledged  her  as  a  doll  that  was  perfectly  perfect,  at  least  that's  what  barbie  thinks  anyway.

another  shook  of  the  head  as  she  returns  to  the  real  world,  cerulean  optics  carefully  watching  his  other  hand.  when  he  revealed  the  new  toy,  her  entire  demeanor  lit  up.  a  bright,  hollywood  -  worthy  smile  spread  upon  her  visage,  her  gaze  growing  wider.  ❝  for  me?  ❞  a  squeal  of  excitement  passing  glossed  lips  as  she  reached  for  the  gun.  and  just  like  a  kid  would,  she  snatched  it  from  his  grip  in  an  instant,  bringing  it  closer  to  her  face.  albeit  still  learning  the  ways  of  the  real  world,  barbie  couldn't  help  the  curiosity  that  bloomed  within  her  living  body  (although  that  remains  unknown,  it's  best  dolls  remain  unaware  of  such  thing)  ⸻  she  inspected  it  closely,  first  the  left  side,  then  the  right  side  and  ultimately,  she  ended  up  pointing  the  barrel  into  the  only  eye  she  had  open.

❝  i  know  what  this  is,  ❞  a  gun,  that  was  easy  for  barbie,  ❝  we  had  guns  in  barbieland  as  well!  i  learned  how  to  maneuver  one  on  the  set  once,  but  it  was  a  prop.  i  know  it  was  because  this  is  wayyyyy  heavier  than  the  one  i  had.  ❞  with  a  swift  motion,  she  pointed  the  gun  towards  the  ceiling,  trying  to  press  the  trigger.  but  nothing  happened,  ❝  is  it  broken?  i  press  the  thing  but  it  doesn't  work.  ❞  another  quick  glance  at  her  beloved  gift  before  she  cautiously  pointed  it  downward,  returning  the  gun.  ❝  would  you  fix  it  for  me?  i  love  it  and  i  know  the  next  time  i  come  across  the  bat  person  i  will  scare  him  until  i  get  my  answers.  ❞

[mirobami]

Hey hey! Could I get Kirari, midari, Yumeko, and sayaka hcs for a reader who is just like…insanely chill. Like they could be very close to debt in a gamble and is just like “niceeeee dude, I might lose lmao” they aren’t bad at gambling it’s just they like the games and don’t care for winning or losing and is like a great sport. Yk like “sickkk dude…” “it’s not a big deal…” “take a chill pill…”

↳ insanely chill s/o

♥ GENRE: fluff

♥ CHARACTER(S): k. momobami, m. ikishima, y. jabami, s. igarashi

♥ SYNOPSIS: in request!

♥ NOTE: ITST HE LAST FEW LINES THAT ABSOLUTELY GOT ME I WAS LOSINH IT I LOVE THIS PROMPT SO MUCH ITS SO FUNNY LETS GET TO IT

━ KIRARI MOMOBAMI ;  

She doesn’t know if you’ve gone insane from the school itself or if that’s how you normally are, but when she hears about you, she’s laughing a lot

You’re really not a bad gambler, it’s just the fact that you’re not here to win or lose, you’re just here for the sport

The one time she goes and watches you play is when you’re going against a student council member, which causes a stirring in the school

They’re all talking about how there can be bets made as to who is going to win or lose and she personally takes a risk mentally of choosing you

Unlike what she thought, you were exceedingly calm and even put down your cards and openly said, “Mannnnnn, you’re going to win this round, good for you, dude.”

Your opponent just sat there like ??? What just happened ???

Kirari was the one trying to stifle her laughter, because you just confused a student council member, something that was rare and hardly happened

She’s definitely going to try and see if you will join the council or at the very least, be in a place where she can watch you

━ MIDARI IKISHIMA ;

On one hand, you piss her off slightly but on the other, you’re hilarious and she wants to see if she can get you to gamble with her 

She does take you to her underground dungeon where she proposes a game with you and you’re immediately like, “That’s rad, bro, let’s get started.”

But the entire time, instead of you going all sadistic on her, you’re just chill about it; your whole life is on the line and all you can say is, “It’s not that bad, my broski, relax.”

Midari just wants you to do something that excites her but you’re the last person she should’ve gone to because you are so calm, it’s scary

It also completely throws her off guard to where she’s going hysterical with happiness when it’s your turn to put bullets into a gun that she had used as part of the game. Instead of saying something, you just say, “It’s not a big deal, take a chill pill~”

Midari is on this thin line where she doesn’t know if she loves you or hates you, but you did give her an interesting game where she was thrown off guard 

━ JABAMI YUMEKO ;

Oh, she definitely loves you and thinks you’re cool and funny

She’s the kind of person that’s calm during a gamble, but not as calm as you and definitely does not have the same remarks 

You’ve gone against Mary, that’s how she knows you and while Mary did try to shake you up, all you did was shrug and say, “Dude, you’re so good at this game, I’m very much impressed, wowwwwwwww-”

Yumeko is laughing softly in the back because Mary’s face is so funny and you’re just sitting there like nothing’s wrong

The day she asks to gamble with you is the day that she’s definitely going to be amused

She doesn’t care about the outcome, what she does care about is how you handle yourself because she doesn’t want someone that’s completely different than who she wanted to play against

She does insert you in her friend group because she really wants to hang around you more

━ SAYAKA IGARASHI ;

She’s actually losing her mind and braincells because of you

You! Are about! To go! Into life-crushing! Debt!

But NO, instead, you’re sitting there like, “Niceeeee bro I’m gonna lose by the way, just letting you know,” AS IF YOU AREN’T LITERALLY LOSING BY MILLIONS OF DOLLARS

You remind her of those surfer dudes on tv, BUT YOU ARE IN A GAMBLE PLEASE GET IT TOGETHER

However, you're very popular because you make people laugh and you're extraordinarily chill for someone that's stuck amongst a bunch of insane people

The president has given her specific instructions for her to go see you and she swears that she either got an enlightening experience or she truly has lost her mind due to you

She would never gamble with you, people like you are dangerous yet she can’t really hide herself from you

You’re too interesting to her and she can’t wait to see what you come up with next

[crankityart]

Arcane characters and how to make them laugh + their laugh headcanons PART 1

Feat. Vi, Jinx, Caitlyn, Jayce, Viktor + Heimerdinger

This was really fun! I love making up these quirky little hcs and this was just on my mind. uwu Stay tuned for part 2.

Note: reader insert and implied character x reader, platonic and romantic.

Vi

Despite being a sarcastic person, Vi doesn’t laugh out loud too often

Most of the time she will react with a cocky chuckle or snort

Definitely enjoys way more making you laugh and listening to your sweet giggles

However, there is one thing that ALWAYS gets her: real-life slapstick

One day you went ice skating together and the first thing you did after bragging about how good you were at it, was accidentally fall flat on your ass

Vi immediately burst into laughter upon seeing you unhurt but absolutely dumbfounded by what had just happened

You were a bit flustered but hearing her unrestrained laughter echoing through the frost-covered park made you feel all warm all of a sudden

Eventually, she calmed down and offered you a hand to get back on your feet

Not without teasing you for the rest of the day about it of course

You wouldn’t expect it but Vi’s laugh is very similar to Jinx’s, raspy and high but definitely less hysterical and sometimes it even has some qualities of Vander’s if she does more of a belly laugh

She will even do a knee slap if something amuses her particularly

Jinx

She absolutely loves it when you do an impression of Sevika

Bonus points if you dress up as her with a cloak and something to substitute her robot arm for extra mockery

First Jinx will just be giggling, biting her lip while watching you put on a little show but by the end of your skit you will have her crying with laughter and kicking her legs 

She definitely has a childlike sense of humor and doesn’t shy away from letting herself loose

That involves hysterical giggling, heavy snorting, and cackling like a mad chicken 

Her laugh is definitely a lot and can be super annoying to the people around her

But not to you

Seeing her so genuinely happy is quite a nice change

Silco also doesn’t seem to mind it

Will also laugh her ass off seeing other people – especially those she dislikes – getting pranked   

Caitlyn

So … Caitlyn is quite experienced when it comes to retaining her composure

She doesn’t just burst out laughing even though in the past there have been a couple of close calls

Her mother usually cut her off when she started to giggle about something in an unflattering situation

When Caitlyn is not around her parents she’s usually much more comfortable showing her emotions

However … there is something she is insecure about: her laugh

You found out about it one time when the two of you were goofing around on the couch

You started tickling her and to your surprise, she burst into the biggest high-pitched dolphin laughter you have ever heard from anybody

You were taken aback and she was  m o r t i f i e d 

She explained to you that she hates her laugh but you assured her that it was the sweetest, most beautiful sound to ever exist on this planet

She just rolled her eyes, telling you to shut up while turning bright red  

Jayce

Jayce will laugh about anything really

Comedy shows? 

He will be in tears not even halfway through

You accidentally letting one rip? 

He will ROLL on the floor!

But something that will particularly amuse him and infuriate you (affectionately) is making you flustered

When he sees you blushing deep red, stumbling over your own words, and then putting on that hilariously pouty face he just can’t help it 

It’s TOO cute!

He will let out a hearty laugh at your expression, sometimes giving your a firm pat on the back or just wrapping his arm around you 

It’s hard to stay mad at him though because his laugh is just so charming

Like … this man is mocking you, how can he be so handsome about it?! >://(

Also claps loudly when laughing

And you always feel like your eardrums are gonna explode when he does it out of nowhere

Viktor

Oh boy, here we have a tough candidate …

Viktor has a peculiar sense of humor and it’s quite hard to make him laugh out loud

A soft chuckle or grin is the most you can get out of him usually

He is definitely one to cover his mouth and giggle in secret when people aren’t paying attention

However, there was this one time you accidentally called Heimerdinger ”Heimerdaddy” in front of the yordle’s face when you bid him goodbye

And much to your surprise Viktor just … lost it

It caught him so off guard that at first, he tried to keep his wheezing down, pressing his fist against his lips as hard as he could

But there was no way he would get a hold of himself anytime soon

It was just 10 minutes of suppressed wheezing and giggling only interrupted by him choking on his own laughter and coughing 

Afterward, he wiped away the tears from his face, apologizing about a million times

Weirdly despite your blunder, you didn’t feel embarrassed for being laughed at but instead felt a sense of pride for experiencing this side of Viktor that probably no one else has seen before

Needless to say you you never managed to make him laugh like this again sadly

+ Heimerdinger

He will laugh at really corny jokes or witty wordplay

Thing is: he is always the one laughing for WAY too long

Everyone else will have moved on while he's still repeating the punchline of the joke in between laughing fits

It gets really awkward ...

His laugh is kind of a Santa Claus-esque ”Hohoho” 

Only if Santa Claus was a gerbil

[downtownbunnybaby]

JACKASS HALLOWEEN SPECIAL

Jackass Group x G!N Reader!

4140k

Description: Halloween Activities With the Jackass guys. Fluff. SWF. Johnny Knoxville romance subplot (if you squint..maybe)

WARNINGS: emetophobia, swearing, alcohol consumption, romantic Johnny Knoxville subplot ?

A/N: Part 2 of the little Halloween special from yours truly. let's pretend it isn't November and this fic is super late. Okay, thank you, much love.

It was a week before Halloween, and you and Knoxville were in the van watching Pontius perform his Devil skit, patiently waiting to film your stunts. 

“Any plans for this weekend?” He asks, taking his sunglasses off to get a better look at you. 

“Back home, around this time, my friends and I would rent these cheesy horror movies and spend all right eating sugary snacks and trying to scare each other.” Knoxville smiles fondly at your little anecdote, allowing you to rant about your high school endeavors. 

“How about you come over to my place Friday night? I'll buy some snacks, and you bring your favorite films,” Your eyes widen at his proposition, rapidly noddy, fumbling into another rant about your excitement. 

“Alright, doll, save the excitement for Friday.” He chuckles, watching you blush at the pet name. 

By the time Friday rolls around, you’re simply beaming. You had spent hours inside Blockbuster selecting only the highest quality cheesy horror films for you and Knox to watch. Practically sprinting to his front door, you knock, rocking on your heels and waiting for him to greet you. A few seconds pass before Knox answers and welcomes you into his home. 

“Excited for tonight?” He asks, despite already knowing the answer. Taking your coat, he leads you to the living room. 

“So I was thinking we should start with A Nightmare On Elm Street, then move on t—” You’re interrupted by an assortment of voices. All of your Jackass friends were present in Knox’s living room. 

“Heard you and Knoxville were having a horror marathon,” It was Steveo. “Couldn't let you two have all the fun.” Winking, he takes your bag filled with VHS tapes, forcing you to sit on the couch next to him. You thank Knox for putting this together before being silenced by Chris as he inserts Scream, despite your previous mentions. 

You were halfway through the fourth film, and no proper scare had occurred. The screams of Boo! from Chris and Wee-Man, not doing it for you anymore. Sensing the lack of tradition, Johnny catches your attention, motioning to the rubber snake next to his side of the couch. Bam would be your first victim of the night. He hands you a tape recorder filled with several snake sounds. The two of you had spent weeks retrieving the sounds and would randomly play them around Bam to scare him. Getting up from the couch, you ask the group if they need anything from the kitchen. The lack of responses, especially from Bam, confirms they had no idea what you and Knox had planned. You watch Bam from your position near the light switch. He looked so vulnerable. Huddled near Ryan, his hands subtly shield his eyes from the Gorey scene displayed on the TV. Johnny pulls the snake from his side. Quickly, you shut the lights off and play the recording as Knoxville tells Bam to watch out. 

A high-pitched scream is heard, followed by several gasps and laughs from your friends. Turning on the lights, you were all sent into hysterics. Bam was standing about 10 feet from his original position, and the rubber snake flung across the room. 

“I swear, Y/N, Knoxville, I will kill your faces so hardcore.” Crying with laughter, you and Johnny make your way over to Bam. Like a child, he pushes the both of you away, mumbling about how he wasn't scared. 

The following hours are relatively calm, except for the occasional giggles from you and Knoxville. The rest of the guys try their best to ignore it, knowing the two of you were planning a bigger and better scare than before. Like a circus clown, Johnny pulls several mouse traps from his pocket.

“Get Ehren, and I’ll get Dave.” He whispers, handing you a couple of traps. Dave and Ehren sat below you, Ehren practically using your leg to cover his eyes. The two of you wait for the perfect opportunity to snap them. Counting down with your fingers, you prepare the mouse traps. 1…Johnny Depp is sound asleep on the screen. 2…Freddy Krueger's hand pops up from the bed. 3—The knifed hand pulls Depp into the bed, clasping Dave and Ehren's ears with the traps. The loud SNAP, mixed with the jumpscare of the film, causes everyone to jump and let out a yelp. 

“Knock it off!” Ehren shouts, removing the trap from his stinging red ears. Giggling at the infamous line, you snap his ear again. 

“Why—why would you do that?!” Dave says, confusion and pain clouding his mind. 

Knoxville answers for the both of you, clutching his chest and teetering on the edge of the sofa. “Because it’s fun.” He was right. Of course, this was way more intense than what you did back home, but that’s what you liked about this new tradition. You look over at Johnny, who is already staring at you with a sly smirk. You couldn't wait to tell him about your Winter Holiday traditions. 

—

“Hi! I’m Johnny Knoxville, and this is a dumb idea.” Johnny sighed, holding a semi-rotten pumpkin. 

“Man, this is so gross,” Steveo says, gagging at the rotten vegetable. The two men were on the roof of the Jackass offices, waiting for their fellow castmates to walk below them. “I see someone! Drop it.” Johnny peers over the ledge, seeing you, Ryan, and Bam walking idly to the entrance. 

“So you’re going as a cooler version of yourself?” 

“Beats going as a rabbit,” 

“Not a rabbit, a bunny,”

“I’m going to wear a bear hat,” 

“Dunn, Shut u—” Your conversation is promptly interrupted by someone yelling, Happy Halloween, followed by a loud squelching sound as something lands by your feet, barely missing your bodies. 

“Dude! What the hell?!” Ryan gags at the sight of semi-fuzzy pumpkin guts covering his shoes and pants. You see Steveo and Knoxville cackling as they make their way down. You turn to Bam and Ryan, and a malicious smile adorns your face as Steveo and Knoxville head your way. Grabbing a handful of rotten pumpkin guts decorating your brand-new shoes, you throw it at Johnny. 

“Y/N! Stop!” You and Johnny run around the lot like cartoon characters. “These are new shoes, Knox,” Bam and Ryan mimic your actions, chasing Steveo around with the guts as he gags. 

You smile wide into Kosick’s camera, “What a great start to the episode.” 

“Welcome to the first annual Halloween Vomelet eating competition. Johnny stands in front of Dave, wearing a hazmat suit. Dave takes a bite out of a bat-shaped cookie and spits it on a plate, signifying the commencement of the competition. 

“What exactly makes this a Halloween competition?” You ask. 

“The costumes, Y/N,” Johnny replies matter-of-factly, motioning to the cast and crew dressed in terrible costumes. He playfully rolls his eyes before continuing, “Right, moving on, Dave, will you explain what you will be preparing tonight?” 

“Well, I will be preparing a standard Vomelet,” The camera pans to Steveo, who is already gagging at the idea. You and Preston sat next to him, dressed as skeletons, shaking your heads. 

“Why did I volunteer to do this?” You ask into the camera, hands in your face. Preston reaches over, grabs your shoulder, and says, “If you win, you’ll get a sweet trophy,” He points at Bunny,  holding a “gold trophy” shaped like a chef's hat. 

Dave begins his horrific meal, taking bites out of several vegetables and regurgitating them into the egg mix. Johnny, Chris, Wee-Man, and Ehren laugh at your reactions. Steveo looks like he’s in pain, despite just sitting there. Preston is giggling at your face. You’re staring dead ahead, not a single thought or emotion behind your eyes. 

“Now that we have our ingredients mixed up,” Dave pauses, showing the camera the light brown mixture. “We are going to cook it in this skillet,” The smell following the sizzling causes everyone in the room to cover their noses. “See, already smells delicious,” Toothy-grin adorning his spit-covered face, 

“That’s fucking disgusting,”

“Preston, come back,” Johnny tries to coax Preston to return between laughs. “Don’t think about the smell,” With Preston forfeiting, you motion Pontius to join. He grins, happily joining you and Steveo without hesitation. “See, I’m a vegetarian, so this is good,” He says, earning several laughs from the cast and crew. 

Once Dave’s abomination is finished cooking, he carelessly places bits and pieces on the plates in front of you. “Bon appetite!” He exclaims, tossing the spatula in the distance to focus his attention on the three of you. You simply stare at the “meal” in front of you, regretting every decision that led you here. Dave interrupts your thoughts, “Come on, take a bite,” Johnny does the same, edging the plate towards you. You’re incapable of moving a muscle, so Johnny takes the liberty of lending you a hand. Grabbing the fork, he makes train sounds, “Open up Y/N. Here comes the train,” Eliitcing a series of laughs, including your own, he takes the opportunity and shoves the fork in your mouth. By some miracle, you managed to keep the bite down. Everyone cheers as you open your mouth to reveal you DID swallow the abomination that was the vomelet. Dave hands you one of the many Halloween-themed cookies on his side of the table as a reward. 

“Steveo, Bunny, your turn,” You mumble, several cookie crumbs falling from your mouth. The two boys look at each other, nervous smiles turning into full-on grins as they link arms, feeding each other. Knoxville is the first to ask them anything. “So, how is it?” 

“It’s not that bad,” Chris replies, masking his gagging with laughter. He and the camera turn to Steveo, who looks like he might collapse. “O, any tho—” Bunny is promptly interrupted by Steveo spitting the egg dish and vomiting onto the plate.

“Hey!” Dave says, hurt laced in his tone. (You couldn't tell if it was fake or genuine hurt.) “I made that for you.” Chris then does the same, causing you to jump from your chair to not get any bodily fluids on you. Everyone is in hysterics as you gag at Steveo and Chris, covered in their vomit. 

“I should have gone with Preston. That’s fucking disgusting.” You grab the plate of cookies, leaving the mess behind you as you exit the room, but not before receiving your trophy. 

Wee-Man hands you the gold trophy as Johnny emphasizes your victory. “The winner of tonight's competition is Y/N! Who managed to eat one bite of Dave England's vomelet,” You smile, gloating in your victory. “I’ll give you another reward at home if you take another bite.” Johnny loudly whispers, winking at the camera. You gag, rushing to the bathroom. The idea of taking another bite makes you feel nauseous, causing your stomach to rumble. You hear Chris “comfort” Knoxville after you rush out of the room. 

“Rejection is hard, but there’s always next time.” 

“Y/N, I have to say, you make one hell of a bat,” 

“Thank you?” Johnny smiles at your confusion at his odd compliment. He was currently holding you up so you wouldn't fall on your face wearing roller skates. You had no idea why Dave chose you to do this bat skit with him. You were probably the most uncoordinated person in the group, well, second to Knoxville. Although most of it involved the two of you hanging upside down in several spots to scare pedestrians, several scenes involved you skating. Dave skates over, informing you that it’s time to film. 

You and Dave screech, flagging the start of the skit, and skate down an empty sidewalk, but you're quick to stumble and fall on the cement.

“Dave! Go back. Y/N fell again,” The cast laughs as Johnny picks you up and helps you move to the first scary location. 

You can’t help but giggle at your position. Dave shushes you as he hears people approaching. At the count of three, you both screech and spread your arms, showcasing your bat wings. Naturally, the recipients scream in terror, dodging imaginary attacks. The night goes as such, except for a few montage scenes of you and Dave skating while holding hands. 

“Y/N, if you’re going to fall, let go of my hand,” Says Dave, eyeing you worryingly as you stumble to stay upright. 

“I’m not going to fall! Now help me climb the lamppost,” Reluctantly, he helps up the shady-looking pole. You hung upside down for several minutes, waiting for someone to pass, but no one seemed to be in the vicinity. You whisper to the microphone attached to your chest, a link to you and the crew. 

“Guys, I might pass out if someone doesn't come soon,” 

Jeff is the first to respond, “Don’t,” He laughs as you complain about his curtness to Dave. “Unbelievable!” You begin. “I do all this shit for him, and he can’t be bothered to be worried about me. Let me tell y—” Jeff’s voice rings through your ear as he silences you, signaling someone is coming. Once again, at the count of three, you and Dave open your arms, screeching at a young girl below you. However, you miscalculated the distance between you and Dave, so when he spread his arms, he hit you right in the chest. The force of his fist caused you to lose balance and fall right off the lamppost. Luckily, your face protected the rest of your body from injuries. 

“Sorry,” You weakly shout at the woman trying to escape the chaos, but Dimitry follows her, trying to get her to sign the release form. 

Upon impact, Kosick shoves the camera in your face as everyone asks if you're alright. Ignoring their invasive questions, you simply hum the intro of Corona. 

“I think they hit their head too hard,” Kosick says, stifling his laughter as your humming grows louder. Johnny is the first to understand why you’re humming. 

“It’s the outro to the show,” He says, smiling at your odd way of communicating since you had no desire to speak after that brutal slam. “Am I right?” You stop humming, giving him and the camera a weak thumbs up. 

You playfully shove the camera from your face as Johnny helps you up. “Are we good? Because I’m ready to leave,” Subtle laughter erupts as you stumble on the skates, forgetting you had them in the first place. 

—

It was Halloween night, and by sheer dumb luck, your unrestrained group got invited to one of the most prestigious Halloween parties of the year. Twenty minutes into the pretentious party, Steveo decided to stir up the reserved environment. Jumping on a rather expensive table, hearing the cheering and validation from his friends, he threw himself into a wall forming a dent. Seeing security coming your way, you all decide to perform for the cameras. Spike and Tremaine knew you would be kicked out and prepared with Kosick and his camera. As the security grabbed two of you at a time, you kicked and flapped your body in hopes of being released. Oh, what a sight it was. Two grown adults in bunny suits (You and Pontius), attempting to climb much taller security. A fairy and skeleton (Dave and Ehren) trying to avoid physical altercations. Two Oompa-Loompas (Preston and Wee-Man) laughed hysterically, taunting the guests. A Bear and an Emo boy (Ryan and Bam) make their bodies limp, attempting to weigh the security down. Lastly, a wild boy and a sailor gloated at the attention they received. 

“Yeah. Dude!” was the last thing the party heard before the security threw you out on the street. Kosick pans the camera towards you and Chris. Tremaine asks, “How are we feeling, bunnies?” 

“Awesome!” Chris replies, showing his signature laugh. You ignore his question, scanning your now black-stained white bunny costume. 

“Son of a bitch! Could he not have tossed me softer?!” 

Based on the smile on all your faces, Tremaine proposes an idea. 

“How about we have a little competition?” You all chime in, curious but intrigued. 

“What kind of competition?” 

“If it involves drinking…I’m winning.” 

“No! I’m winning!” 

Jeff claps his hands, gaining your attention like toddlers. “Whoever gets kicked out of the most parties by the end of the night gets to pick out Danger’s next stunt.” 

“Oh, come on. Why is it always me?!’ 

Making your way up a street somewhere in Hollywood Hills, you all spot a particularly crowded mansion. 

“Ready, boys?” You ask, not waiting for a response as you sprint into the house. You’re in and out in a matter of seconds. When you ran inside, you bumped into the security guarding the entrance, disturbing his otherwise “peaceful” night. Grabbing you by the bunny ears, he tosses you into a nearby bush, ignoring your protests about keeping your suit clean. 

“Asshole! I was planning on getting my deposit back.” Standing up and picking leaves off your suit, you walk toward the group standing in the mansion driveway. Johnny is clutching Jeff’s shoulder, out of breath from laughing. “Y/N, what happened?! You were in there for 3 seconds.” 

“Doesn't matter.” Looking into the camera, you say, “I’m in the lead, and I have a great stunt for Danger Ehren.” 

The next party is by far the most entertaining. This time, the entire group managed to enter the home. Chris began to do his signature party boy dance to random guests and security while you and Steveo body slammed onto tables, taking an obscene amount of alcohol with you. Ryan and Bam pestered security. They asked the most random questions and even started fighting in front of them. 

“So…” Ryan begins. “What did you have for lunch?” The security guard doesn't even acknowledge the dirty blonde. 

“Hey, Ry! Eat this!” Bam side jumps, attempting to kick Ryan in the face, causing both of them to fall. A circle formed around them, and they up their performance for the cameras and guests. Tremaine quickly directs Kosick to record the Westchester boys. Spike pans his camera to the group, asking them about the current events. 

“Well…” Johnny begins, “Dunn is finally kicking Bam’s ass, and—” He’s interrupted by Preston's heavy Missouri accent. 

“Get him, Bam! Son’s of bitches, they got Y/N.” Laughing at the camera, he points at you, a heavy grin on your face. Two security come for Bam and Ryan, one already pushing Pontius out the door. Spike was already outside with Wee-Man, Dave, and Ehren, recording and providing commentary on your less-than-graceful exits. 

Dave provides very National Geographic-Esque comments, “Well, as you can see, a wild bunny—not the lifeguard, is fighting for its life. Struggling to be released from the grasp of a much larger predator.” Wee-Man joins Dave, “Oh! It seems the bunny is growing tired. Ehren, will the prey survive?” 

“No.” He says, giggling as you're thrown on the ground, another black skid mark adorning your white suit. Pontius is next, landing on top of you. You both groan in pain, cursing the security. 

Wee-Man and Dave announce that you two have gained a point, making you in the lead. Unfortunately, that did not last for long. Steveo was on the ground by your feet, shouting, “I’m going back in!” He charges back into the home. Gasps and shouts follow as he emerges into the house. The camera nearly misses as he’s quickly thrown out again, with Bam and Ryan following shortly after. 

“Yeah, dude! That’s two points in one go.” High-fiving an entertained Knoxville, he goes to Kosick and Pontius, pretending to interview him like a sports star. 

You interrupt the “interview,” “Wait! That doesn't count.” Ehren backs you up, not wanting Steveo to pick a stunt for him. “Yeah! Y/N is still in the lead.” The three of you begin bickering, going into technicalities about the silly game Jeff created. 

Johnny grabs your shoulders, slightly running his hands over them, trying to calm you down. The alcohol and adrenaline in your system made you way more competitive.  “Alright, let's have a vote.” Johnny was a victim of your competitiveness, so a vote was the only thing he knew would keep you from launching at Steveo. Jeff asks, “Should Steveo get the extra point for being kicked out twice?” Kosick then goes around recording everyone's responses. You and Ehren were the only ones that voted no, even Spike, Jeff, and Kosick voted yes. 

“Remember, I have the keys to all of your offices,” Pushing the group out of your way, you walk to the next house. 

It was nearing 3:00 AM, You and Steveo tied with 8 points, Chris 7, Bam and Ryan 4, and the rest had between 1 and 3, promptly giving up after you and Steveo surpassed 4 points. 

“One more house!” Chris chanted, gesturing for the group to join him. Softly chanting, the slams you had endured throughout the night finally settled in your body, a wave of pain hitting you as you hiked up the small hill. Luckily, you were behind the group, and no one noticed your slight change in demeanor. Well, except for Knoxville. 

“Everything alright?” He asks softly so the rest of the group wouldn't be inclined to comment. Slurring m’ fine in response, speeding up, you attempt to catch up to Steveo, but the pain, mixed with the alcohol, clouds your cerebrum, causing you to trip over your feet. Knox quickly grabs ahold of you, preventing you from a brutal face slam. 

“Alright, Y/N, I think it’s time for us to go home,” 

“No!” You protest, mumbling about a stunt called The Human Bullseye. Your outburst causes the rest of the group to turn, focusing on the duo behind them. Puzzled looks adorned their faces as they took in Johnny trying to hold you back. By some ungodly given strength, you wiggled your way out of his arms and sprinted towards the house. Halting at the front gate, you shouted at an out-of-breath Steveo, loud enough for the cameras and mics to pick up, “All or nothing?!” He sticks out his hand, a signal of agreement, “All or nothing.” 

Pontius is now the one to take on the animal documentary persona as you and Steveo disappear into the house, followed by Kosick, Tremaine, and Knoxville. “As we’ve just seen, the wild bunny presented the wild brown bear with a proposition,” Giggling, he breaks character for a moment. “Whoever gets kicked out first is deemed the winner of tonight's treacherous battle.” 

Inside, Johnny followed you as you searched for an opportunity to cause chaos near security, not wanting to cause yourself pain for too long. The crowded room and the heat radiating from your fur suit blurred your vision. If it weren't for the stunt you had planned for Danger, you would have given up long ago. Steveo fell into the same routine of falling on tables and throwing himself into walls. Luckily, you drew the camera's attention as you stumbled over your feet and fell head-first into a group of people, knocking their drinks out of their hands. You even managed to bring several of them down with you. Muffled chuckles fill the otherwise silent room after your less-than-graceful tumble. Johnny steps over several figures to help you. However, security beats him to it, picking you up by the underarms like a toddler. Not having sufficient energy to protest, you allow him to scold you as he carries you out of the home, “Alright, kid, go home. The neighborhood is tired of you ruining their parties.” 

Outside, Spike was prepared with the camera, waiting to capture the winner. The sound of Steveo cackling causes him to whip the camera from Dave and Ehren’s playful fist-fight to the front door. To everyone's surprise, Steveo was far behind you as security carefully threw you out. Ehren is the first to speak, letting out a cheer as he runs towards you, “Yeah, Y/N wins!” The other boys join Ryan and Bam lifts you, unbeknownst to your pain, accidentally dropping you on the solid cement. Muttering apologies as Johnny picks you up to go home. 

“Ehren, just put the suit on!” It was Monday now, and Danger Ehren was reluctant to perform the stunt you had come up with, despite winning last weekend's Halloween challenge. 

“No! This suit isn't going to protect me,” He shakes the flimsy nylon in your face, emphasizing his point. Dave is the only other member present and helps you convince Ehren to go through the stunt. It was more of him hitting Ehren until he agreed, but whatever works. 

“I’m Ehren. This is the Human Bullseye.” Throwing a football to his chest, you thank him. 

“Finally! Now let me throw these pomegranates at you.” 

—

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