#*immense depression*
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If you’re writing a qCellbit who’s a goth emo edgy bad boy type, make him ridiculously into online chess or something. Have him have a detailed excel spreadsheet of every horror movie he’s ever watched ranked and analyzed. He has a terrarium filled with dirt in his bedroom for his pet worms. He has entire Wikipedia pages memorized. Yes, he looks like he’d try and kill you, and sure he has a collection of pocketknives, but he practically lives at the library and is on first name basis with the old ladies gathering there for their book club once a week. He’ll beat the shit out of you if you mess with his family, but he doesn’t make a hobby out of being violent. His actual hobbies include puzzles and escape rooms and criticizing escape rooms for being too easy and getting stuck in escape rooms because he thought the solution was too easy but it was the wrong solution and he’s too embarrassed to try anything else.
#but yeah sure guys throw 8 months of characterization out the window#in favor of focusing on a short arc that’s meant to symbolize his spiral into depression and immense self hatred#paint him at his most miserable and say that’s his entire character and not just an important aspect of it sure
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"It Came Upon a Midnight Clear" is a profoundly beautiful Christmas carol but it does kill me that Edmund Sears is in there with the rest of the (generally pretty triumphant) Xmas canon like
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I’m just really really emotional about the fact that Reo got Nagi to leave his house, eat properly, make friends, showed him that life can be exciting - not just bothersome. Even if he didn’t realised it then, Nagi must’ve been so incredibly lonely before Reo came into his life
#nagi seishiro#nagireo#reonagi#bllk#Nagi dealing with depression is a hc very dear to me#and I believe Reo’s kindness and attention helped him immensely#edel hcs
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clocked off and i immediately went to my phone to read more hdg
#i think ive got a problem#but also it does help my mood immensely#especially now that schools kicked in and my depression/anxiety has been getting worse#hdg#human domestication guide
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Some very goofy BMB doodles
References under the cut:
#blind man's bluff#ladyredms#l4d2#bmb spoilers#phil trying to intimidate the group by telling them to shoot him but he just looks like that#and on my reread i had the image of the “yeah we gay” meme in my head when nick shot the hazmat zombie LMAOOO#i can't wait for nick to experience more of the beauty of reciprocated gay love#and finally a little doodle tribute to the bridge arc#honestly the bridge arc has the most satisfying and emotional payoff that I’ve EVER read in fiction#like I’m still in awe of it!!!! what a beautifully written and depressing and immensely cathartic arc!!!#and the way it sets up the potential for soooo much positive change even within all that darkness!!!#it seriously had me sobbing like a baby at some parts and made me fall in love with the characters all over again!!!#okay i need to stop blabbing about the bridge arc but I love it sooo much
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regardless of everything I think it’s pretty much undeniable that season one dean would full on commit murder-suicide (kill late seasons dean and then himself) if he saw the state of late seasons sam and i think that’s pretty telling
#early seasons sam would just get immensely angry and horribly depressed like what the hell happened here#early seasons dean being unable to even fathom not forgiving sam for anything and everything because that is his baby brother#and he sees how much guilt late seasons sam feels and how the fight has been beaten out of him#how he’s been violated again and again in the most insidious ways and how his anger is gone and he never wanted this#it would break his heart it would#sam winchester#spn#dean winchester#personal
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Getting back into the hang of things with a garfield comic redraw
OG under cut
#my art stuff#digital art#undertale#sans#papyrus#garfield#mom#(I forgot her name OTL)#redraw#comic redraw#it was 4 very stressful hours of drawing#cus I don’t have all my brushes anymore and the ones I have are out of order and stuff#some haven’t even been re-added in general yet#and my favorite blender is nowhere to be seen and that’s stressing me out immensely.#but after I finished this and gave it a moment to actually look at it#it immediately put a huge grin on my face (which is rare for my art)#I hope I’ll be feeling better about whatever brushes I end up using for my art in the future#cus rn I feel like death and I’m extremely depressed over it OTL#Change is really hard for me especially with something that is routine like this#and used for RELAXATION#The only thing I’ve been able to lean back into for comfort has been traditional art and my ukulele#which aren’t bad but they’re not my extremely organized and personalized CSP space#blegh#this mixed with me getting a new laptop in general has been extremely stressful and depricating#wish me good luck OTL
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i don’t really enjoy giving dazai copious amounts of extra trauma in his backstory for multiple reasons but mostly i just think it’s weird that people have to come up with a reason for him to be as depressed as he is instead of just accepting that mental illness doesn’t have to have a reason
#like first of all he already had an overall pretty bad childhood so it’s not like there isn’t any trauma there#but even if he didn’t#he could still be depressed#why is it only valid for him to have depression when he first experienced immense trauma#lmao
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Oh this is going to be so good.
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Also if anyone is wondering "how is it even possible to reach Perfection in Stardew Valley, how does one even go about doing that," I have made a handy meme that I believe will answer any and all questions.
#i don't think i said this before but: this took 283 hours of gameplay (rounded up) and 8 in-game years#well Leah said ''the past 8 years'' in the cutscene but i'm ON year 8#so technically 7 in-game years i guess#but still. close enough.#stardew valley#anxiety and immense stress also contributed. not JUST depression alone#but the meme mentions depression so there ya go
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parents are funny the way they want you to be open and honest with them, supposedly, but when you are, it leads to some fucking confrontation that didn’t need to happen, and when that happens, it leads to something you weren’t ready to say coming out, then being coaxed out into a still very much controlled held-back version of describing your lifelong experience feeling shame for existing the way you do and not being “easy” or as good as like, your little sister, academically, or as capable of masking as anyone else, and THAT carefully worded recall of just the natural fucking feelings of growing up in a frankly abusive household, resulting in.. oh, sorry, YOUR FATHER crying as if he wasnt just trying to gaslight you into thinking he didnt tell you the other day to Improve Yourself As A Person (right before the conversation about his mother entering hospice so now guess who can’t fucking mourn without associating it with that!) and that he instead was saying Improve Your Situation
and then he like catches you like visibly dissociating, comments, you try and put it in very simple words what just happened (in the same manner you have pointed out every other little thing he does to invalidate your feelings, or as he’d put it, “your feelings” yes using air quotes) and he suddenly is a fucking Psychology Scholar And Didn’t Need You To Explain What The Defense Mechanism Even Was and oh then also admitting to doing harm in the past, saying he had apologized (wonder why i dont remember), your mother(actual psychology minor) getting all “i’m sorry you feel that way” and also after a long ass tangent about there being a difference between “shamed” and “ashamed” as if you didn’t mean the word you say, a thing you did make very clear, ONCE AGAIN FUCKING CRYING ABOUT YOU BEING OPEN AND HONEST FOR ONCE AND TELLING THEM THEY HURT YOU
#its been. a wild fucking semester so far#oh and then also my fucking brother saying it’s like he doesnt have a sibling and i dont give a shit Sooo Much that i made my father cry#respectfully i fucking held the thing that would actually ruin him back.#because i did a fucking interview with his mother years ago for a class#and she talked about the way her mother treated her#when he first found out i was like. violently depressed as a teen#he drew the mental parallel of his mother getting hospitalized#for shit her fuckinf mother caused.#he cannot comprehend the pain he causes.#by all means my morher can comprehend what she does. she just. does she give a shit actually? lol#i feel for him. right now. in his grief process#but the fucking audacity to see me exercising autonomy and telling them they fucking traumatized me basically#AND COLLECTIVELY CONTINUINF TO USE THE FUCKING ABUSE TACTICS#im sure he was crying genuinely. but if i cry it is never genuine to them it feels#so.#yeah.#i havent been on tumblr i had a experiment thing for a class on social media breaks even though. lol. mental health? isolation??#but like. i think just the process of realizing wwwwhy we are the way we are#so immensely fucked up#its been a lot#its just. fucking sad i got forced into THIS conversation prematurely#but my fucking bad for trusting my mother i guess#vent#vent tw#anyway i was gonna push therapy back a week but. oooooooooweeeeee
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Angel please what happens with America did trump win (I’m not American)? I’m confused w the recent ‘don’t off yourself’ posts
hahaha yes trump won hence the posts. its a grim day here but i just hope everyone knows we made it thru one trump admin before, we can do it again!!
#i was so depressed this morning but being at work and bitching with my coworkers has helped immensely#we arent in this alone no matter how much it seems like it
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HIGH QUALITY VERSION OF MY ANGEL 🥰💕💖❤️ she is so very precious and cute.
#this one image of her shall give me all the strength i need to fight depression and chronic illness in the coming weeks#she brings me such immense happiness 🥰#gush
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youtube keeps recommending this video to me and EVERY SINGLE TIME I think the thumbnail is a tragic alien, like
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thinking about the fact that I have loved one direction for over half of my life and dying a bit inside bc of how much they still mean to me
#I have never been able to formulate into words how immensely grateful I am to them#they were literally the only thing that brought me happiness during some of the darkest years of my life#they were the reason I kept living too many times to count#and it seems silly and the same tired musings of a depressed teenage girl#but what they did and have done for me is so real#they brought me to people I needed so desperately at the time#my mom became a fan of them bc of what they did for me#I hope they understand just how much they managed to touch the lives of so many of us#one direction#1d#1d af
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Me posting? No way, haha.
Anyways, enjoy happy art. A rare kind, in my case. >:3
#my art#tws#the weird story#Gabriel Fear#Lilly Fear#Some lore in the tags to make some sense to this:#Lilly is not Gabe's biological daughter he can't have children#((that's a whole different story lmao))#Buuuut he really wanted one so his dear uncle the literal God of Life was like “Fiiiine#you can have one“ and then he snapped his finger and boom CHILD#...#She's dead now :“D#*immense depression*
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