#*every week ooops not month

[elibean]

Guys im shifting into lc mode i can feel it happening im so sorry

[andscene-if]

it's officially been a month since i posted the intro, so i thought i'd make one of these!

the demo is currently at 30k and it's still only the first 2/3 days ooops🙈 also, i've ditched editing while writing bc it was slowing me down, so we'll see how many words there are after i'm completely done

chap 1 spans a week & it's all about the recent news, interview(s), filming, and all & it's looking to be pretty hefty, but i think we can agree, more is more🤣

thanks for all the interest, it doesn't go unnoticed! i know i haven't been active much here, but rest assured, i'm using up every bit of free time i have working on the demo! :)

[ineffable-xenanigans]

Sparkling

Ooops, I accidentally fell off Tumblr for so long that my queue ran out. Anyways, my extremely belated contribution to week 16 of the Ineffable Prompt-A-Thon by @ineffablyruined is also (not so) secretly an announcement regarding my fic!

I'm extremely excited to share with y'all that A Mouthful of Blessings is now just part 1 of my new Senseless series. Feel free to subscribe on AO3 if you're so inclined 😇

The current plan is for it to be a five-part series. I'm already done writing part 2, An Eyeful of Changes; it's not ready to be posted yet (beta reading and illustrations still pending), but I'm hoping I'll be able to release it at some point during January. It's about 8000 words split into 3 chapters, and they're all delightfully smutty. And I'm almost done writing part 3, A Noseful of Spices, consisting once again of 3 smut-filled chapters. Well, not only smut; don't worry, this series will continue to be both Porn With Plot and Porn With Feelings.

I'm not sure exactly if the illustrations will be in the same style or if I'll switch it up a little bit, but I did make a little doodle that turned into an illustration in my sketchbook, which is the image you saw above. As you can see, Aziraphale will be getting what he wished for towards the end of A Mouthful of Blessings...

Oh, later that night, or perhaps tomorrow, they were going to take a bath together. He was going to gently brush every knot out of Crowley’s hair, and then he was going to braid yellow daisies into it.

Hope everyone is having a nice end to their month and year!

[lfghughes]

Key To My Heart

a/n: i somehow ended up writing a lot more than expected ooops

warning: cursing

Long distance relationships were not easy, that was something you came to find out very quickly. It’s not that you and Kirby had any kind of fights about it or that there were any kind of trust issues. You just hated the fact that when you wanted to go home to your boyfriend after a long day he wasn’t there. There was no doubt that he felt the same way. It didn’t help that on top of that he had a busy schedule so there were certain periods of times where you barely talked or would have to wait until very late at night to talk.

The reason right now that you were living apart was he clearly had his team he played for but you were still going to school and you didn’t want to switch to online since you only had so little time left in school. So you both had decided that for right now this is what worked. This was your last semester though and neither of you really had the talk of what comes next.

You didn’t want to assume you were just going to move there and you decided to see if it was something he would bring up so you wouldn’t feel like you were pressuring him in any way to make a serious move. It was your spring break though and you wanted to surprise him at one of his games.

How you managed to keep it a secret, you had no clue. You were so excited about it and you had almost spoiled the surprise yourself a few times just while on the phone with him. To get there and surprise him would require a lot of planning and reaching out to his friends and teammates and they were all very eager to help. This involved a little white lie too. So he wouldn’t think something bad happened to you because you were having to travel and not talk a whole lot you had told him you’d be taking some before spring break exams.

At the arena, the boys and some of the staff had managed to secure you a pretty good spot to where he would be able to see you but just in case you made a sign for him that you had spent a lot of hours decorating. As soon as he skated out for his warm ups he had taken a total of two laps and when his eyes scanned the crowd before him, his eyes fell on you for a second before it turned to someone else and then right back to you.

“You’re fucking kidding me.” You could see him mouth the exact words but the smile on his lips said he was more than excited to see you. He skated on over and waved at you. He then pointed towards the tunnel he headed out from to where you knew the locker rooms and all the staff would be. You understood what he was saying so you found a staff member and quickly let them know the situation and after confirming that it was okay for you to go back there you went to meet Kirby.

There were no words as he walked over straight to you, lifting you up in his arms in a tight hug. “Are you kidding me?? How did you get here?? Your exams?? What?? Did the guys know about this? Is this why they were being suspicious all day?” There were so many questions and you couldn’t help but laugh at all of them. “Surprise! It’s spring break so I figured I’d come over for the week.” A look of realization came on his face as he held his hand up like he was trying to pause the conversation.

“I have to go grab something from the locker room, give me a second.” He quickly headed back around, leaving you confused as to what he was getting. When he came back he had a little black box and no not the kind that had a diamond ring in it so you knew he wasn’t about to randomly propose in the back of the arena. “I know school is ending soon for you and you don’t have to say yes because I get it’s asking for a lot for you to move out here for me but here’s the key to my place.”

You were surprised that he had gone and made a key for you and even though you still had a month before school ended you were already excited about this future. “It’s a yes, for sure a yes. I mean as long as you’re okay with coming home to me every night.” You told him and he smiled at you and thought of that. “I’m more than okay with that.”

[virtie333]

Day 10 - Life Day Damerey Celebration

Prompt: Celebration

Summary: Poe and Rey celebrate Life Day their own way.

Warnings: Ooops! They took over this one. They were getting tired of the lack of smut. So... this is rated Explicit. MDNI

AO3

It was only their third Life Day as a couple and they almost didn’t get to spend it together.

Rey had been offworld on a peacekeeping mission for over three weeks. It was supposed to be an easy assignment. New Republic advisors had already laid ground for the peace talks between the Statches and the Aeoliahs, but once Rey arrived both sides had suddenly demanded more from the settlement. Rey learned later that both species had esteemed the Jedi and were trying to prove to her that they were better than the other. In the end, Rey had finally helped them reach a prudent arrangement that would hopefully maintain peace between the two for a long time to come.

She arrived back on Yavin IV in the afternoon, just in time to join in on the annual celebration. Not only was the whole colony gathered to eat and drink and be merry, but several of Rey and Poe’s friends from the Resistance were there to take part in the festivities. Friendships created during war tended to last a lifetime.

Rey landed her little cruiser on the Dameron family landing pad, then rushed to the empty house to shower and change. Wearing a lovely little green dress that she had picked up while on her trip, she jumped in the speeder and headed into the village.

Wetyin’s Colony was lit up already with bright lights that Rey knew would look amazing after the sun set. Decorations representing the local traditions of several species bedecked every corner, as well as most trees and bushes. An open-sided tent had been set up with tables in case it started to rain, and food was being prepared almost non-stop, but those who weren’t currently eating were out and about in the village square, drinking and laughing and singing. There was a live band in front of the local grocery, and several people were dancing.

Rey found her friends easily, as Chewie’s tall form stood out among the crowd. He was the first to see her and immediately wrapped her up in a hug, lifting her feet off the ground. Beau, Kay, Jess, and Karè also swooped in for hugs; she hadn’t seen any of them in almost a year! Finn and Rose followed them. Rey saw them frequently, as they had both finally settled right here in Wetyin’s Colony. After spending almost two years with Lando and Janna helping former stormtroopers find their homes and families, they had finally married and planned to start a family here on Yavin IV.

Rey and Poe had already beaten them in that department; Rey was currently three months pregnant. Nobody but Finn, Rose, and Kes knew and since Rey wasn’t showing, yet, she was content to keep that secret for the time being.

As she was laughing at something Jess was saying, strong arms wrapped around her from behind. Rey tilted her head to the side, welcoming her husband’s wet kiss on her neck.

“Sorry I’m late,” she told him, lacing her fingers with his as they lay over her still flat belly.

“You made it,” he said softly in her ear. “That’s all that matters.”

The party continued on as the afternoon waned and the sun set. The bright orb of Yavin still lit up the sky, preventing complete darkness, but no one complained. Rey and Poe ate, danced, spent time with old friends and new, and ate some more. Never once did they leave each other’s side, and they never stopped touching. By mid-evening, Rey was exhausted, but still wired. Her trip had been long, and while she loved spending time here with her extended family celebrating Life Day, she ached to spend some time alone with her husband even more. As they danced together one more time, she gave him a meaningful look.

No words were needed; Poe understood.

Without any hesitation, they both left the dance area and headed for the edge of the village where Rey had parked their speeder. Rey drove, as Poe had had more than a little alcohol this evening, and within twenty minutes they were home.

“BB8’s gonna be mad we left him and DO behind,” Poe said as he pulled Rey through the front door, nuzzling her neck.

“He probably won’t even notice for hours,” Rey answered, rubbing herself against Poe’s front. He groaned in response.

“That’s a beautiful dress, by the way,” he said just before he began to suck on that spot just below her ear. She shivered in response, her body already prepped and ready thanks to their constant touching all evening. “I can’t wait to take it off.”

“You don’t have to take if off right away,” she answered. Grasping his elbows, she backed up until her butt hit the edge of his desk. She shimmied up onto it, spreading her legs.

His eyebrows shot up as he slid up against her. “A little desperate tonight, aren’t you?”

“Pregnancy hormones,” she responded. “And more than three weeks away from you.”

“Kriff!” he breathed harshly. “I missed you!” He began kissing her, opened mouthed and wet, rocking his pelvis against her core.

Rey pulled her skirt up and out of the way, then began working at his belt and fly, grateful the war was over and he no longer wore a blaster on a regular basis; quickies like this had been almost impossible back in the day when they were both heavily armed. She still carried her lightsaber almost all the time, but it was clipped to her belt and easy to remove when needed.

And it wasn’t in the way tonight.

As Rey gently pulled Poe’s mostly erect cock out of his pants, he took a quick step backwards, taking her panties with him. She hadn’t even felt his hands move that low; she had been so focused on her own task.

“Smooth, Dameron,” she smiled as he quickly moved back between her legs, pushing her skirt back up as it had fallen when he stepped back.

One of his hands fondled her pussy, and he closed his eyes and moaned. “So kriffin’ ready for me,” he whispered.

Rey threw her head back in response to his intimate touch. “Yes!” she hissed. “Poe, please! Now!”

“Yes, Ma’am,” he said with a grin. Taking his cock in hand, he lined himself up and slid home.

“Awwww, yeah!” Rey gasped, bringing her knees up and leaning back slightly, trusting that his arm around her back would keep her from falling all the way.

Poe stopped when he was all the way in, his eyes watching her intently.

Breathing harshly, Rey looked back at him, her skin tingling, her core throbbing. He filled her so absolutely full. “Poe?” she asked, wondering why he was so still.

“My Jedi,” he whispered. His eyes drifted down to where they were joined, then he focused on the lightsaber on her belt with a smirk. “My Jedi.”

Rey knew how turned on he got when he was able to fuck her while she still wore her lightsaber; it didn’t happen very often. “Your Jedi,” she confirmed. “Forever.”

His eyes met hers again. “Forever.” Then he began thrusting, his hips snapping into her over and over again.

The euphoria built once more, and Rey closed her eyes, letting herself go, not fighting the feelings, both physical and emotional, that this man created in her. After weeks of controlling her temper and remaining distant and formal, it was a relief to let herself go. Poe was the only person she opened herself up to completely, the only one she trusted enough to keep her emotions safe. She may be the guardian of the Jedi, but he was the champion of her heart.

Her release came seconds before his. She cried out, letting herself fall forward against him, feeling his arms wrap around her tight as his hips jerked erratically and he spilled himself inside her. For a long moment they simple held each other, panting, Rey’s legs wrapped tight around Poe’s waist, his cock still buried deep inside her.

Finally, Rey lifted her head to look at her husband. “Happy Life Day,” she said with a smile.

Laughing, Poe hugged her once more. “Happy Life Day, Sunshine.”

[takaraphoenix]

❛ you're mine, and i take care of what belongs to me. ❜ for Magnus and Jace? 👀

So this was supposed to be a smutty prompt but it accidentally turned into just pure possessive/protective Magnus with no smut? Ooops

--

A few weeks after he'd started hooking up with Magnus, Jace started to notice subtle changes.

Downworlders he encountered treated him with… recognition, at first. A certain degree of respect even. Not in a 'bowing down before him' sense, but rather… treat him as an equal than just as another Shadowhunter nuisance. He didn't notice at first, it took him a couple weeks.

He only noticed when it became more apparent. When Downworlders, particularly warlocks, started to… there was no other way to put it; to protect him. Like he was one of their own. They had his back, stepped in when someone else was out of line toward him. Which was just bizarre.

It wasn't hard to guess that this was related to Magnus, especially since warlocks seemed the only ones to actively step up for him and that this particularly happened in Pandemonium. He was getting VIP treatment at the club these days, got waved in ahead of the line, the bartender knew his favorites and always served him first. And whenever someone was even a hint of inappropriate with him, someone stepped in like he was a damsel in need of a knight protecting his virtue. It would severely piss him off if he didn't find it somewhat funny, quite frankly.

It was a couple months into it, and into whatever he had with Magnus, that it gave him pause. One particular incident that really struck Jace and left him reeling. He'd been hanging out at the bar, bantering with the bartender, Timothy Jeong, with whom he'd grown closer over the past months, when a warlock sat down, very close next to him, interrupting their conversation.

"Hello, gorgeous," the warlock smelt like alpha and sounded like sleazebag. "What's a pretty omega like you doing here all alone? I think you should go back to my hotel with me."

Jace was used to people hitting on him. Back in the day, he used to relish in that and take pretty much everyone home with him, living a life of hook-ups. Nowadays, he did consider himself taken, even though him and Magnus had never quite put a label on it. Yet what had started out as drunk, convenient hook-ups between roommates felt much different now, three months into it. So while Jace still liked the ego-boost of being hit on, he also didn't hook up with them anymore. He turned toward the man with a pleasant enough smile on his lips – knowing that some alphas could react very testy when an omega didn't immediately fawn over them and Jace would like to avoid causing a scene at Magnus' club. Before he could say anything did Hal Armstrong step up to them – head of security, the biggest, bulkiest alpha Jace had ever seen, tall and bald and with arms the size of Jace's head. If Jace had to guess, he'd say that Timothy must have called for security.

"Is that alpha bothering you, Omega Bane?"

And that was it. That was the moment Jace realized that whatever was going on was definitely more than just a bit suspicious behavior from some Downworlders around him. Omega Bane. It actually took Jace a while to register that Hal was talking to him, and then another couple moments to digest that and try to formulate a reply. Too long for Hal, it seemed, because the alpha was already standing right behind Jace, a looming presence, glaring down the stranger.

"Out of every omega at the club, you really picked the wrong one, pal," Timothy chuckled, casually leaning against the bar. "That's not just the club owner's omega. That's the High Warlock of Brooklyn's omega. If I were you, I would… scram, before Magnus Bane sees you."

Jace blinked repeatedly, looking between the guy who had hit on him, Hal and Timothy. What. The name Magnus Bane did the trick though, because the warlock's eyes widened in recognition and fear, before the man simply ran off. Jace tilted his head and crossed his arms.

"What was that," Jace asked, voice sharp.

"We want you to have a good time here and be undisturbed," Hal smiled at him.

The man looked scary at first glance but really was just a gigantic puppy. Jace heaved a sigh.

"I don't need you to intimidate people who hit on me, Hal. I'm quite capable of shaking unwanted attention myself, you know. This… was not necessary."

Hal faltered, looking like a kicked puppy, and Jace nearly felt bad. Only nearly though, because he really did not appreciate being patronized by alphas. He'd had to fight for everything, every ounce of respect from alphas in the field. To prove that he didn't need saving.

"Look," Jace sighed. "Thank you for wanting to help, I appreciate that, but how about, from now on, you help me when I signal that I need your help?"

"Oh. Okay. Yeah," Hal nodded quickly. "Sure, I'm sorry. I just, Alpha Bane said-"

"I do not need any alpha to speak for me," Jace's voice was final. "Not even Magnus, not even in his own club. Am I understood?"

"Yes, Omega Bane," Hal ducked his head like a naughty child.

And there it was again. Omega Bane. There was a weird sense of pleasure, pride and giddiness bubbling in Jace's chest that he tried to squish. Couldn't think about that right now. Maybe couldn't think about that at all. Because if he thought about that too hard, he might have to confront his feelings for Magnus. And that was something he'd effectively avoided thinking about these past months. Mostly, he admitted, because there was always something else going on – between Valentine's return, Jocelyn's death, the loss of the Mortal Cup, the reveal that he was Clary's brother, the reveal that he wasn't Clary's brother. When was he supposed to reflect on the nature of his feelings for the alpha warlock who had taken him in, became a drinking buddy and then became a convenient hook-up, repeatedly, until it started feeling like more than hook-ups.

/break\

That had been the first time Jace really noticed, but it wasn't what pushed him into talking to Magnus about it. Feelings. He didn't do those, much less talking about those. No, that only happened about a month later, when he'd been on a mission with Clary and Izzy and things had gone awry. Alec was missing. Jace and Alec were a duo, they were so in-sync, they worked as one. Now that Alec was head of the Institute though, he went on far less missions and Jace was still adjusting to that, while Clary was still adjusting to being a Shadowhunter, missing years of training.

They'd been overrun by demons, overwhelmed, got separated. Jace was bleeding profoundly from a slash on his side where one of the four demons he was battling on his own had hit him with its claws. He'd managed to kill two of them at this point, but he didn't know where Izzy and Clary were and he was starting to feel dizzy from the blood-loss. One of the two demons left roared at him and slashed at him again, but Jace wouldn't be Jace if he didn't battle to the very last second of his life. He cut off the beast's hand, causing it to roar in distress. However, it was also distracted, just enough for Jace to try and run. A coward's move, his father would say. A means of survival, his parabatai would say. He made it out of the sewers and toward an alley.

"Oh shit, oh crap you are bleeding, like, a lot," stranger, female voice, panicked. "Wait. You're the. The High Warlock's omega. Oh shit. Hold on."

Jace squinted, trying to make the blurry person in front of him out. The blood loss was getting to him. Someone – this person – grabbing his arm was the last thing he noticed before blacking out.

/break\

When Jace next came to it, it was in a comfortable and known environment. Magnus' bed in the loft. He recognized the soft sheets and the safe scent of his alpha all around him. A hand reached out, brushing his hair out of his face. Magnus' hand. He'd recognize those fingers anywhere. Humming softly, he leaned into the comforting, gentle touch.

"You awake, Trouble?" Magnus' voice was soft. "Do you need anything?"

"Wa… Water," Jace coughed, blinking his eyes open.

The next moment, Magnus held a water-bottle against Jace's lips, helping him drink. Jace's heart was skipping a beat at the gentle care. He was so used to powering through any injury mostly alone, the only one who'd get close enough to take care of him for any extend of time was his parabatai.

"Alexander left about an hour ago. I had a hard time prying him from your bedside," Magnus smiled bemused. "But he was in need of a shower, a warm meal and his own bed. Andrew helped me lure his boyfriend back to the Institute to take care of himself for a change. I'll text him."

"Thank you," Jace heaved a sigh as he tried to sit up, but a stinging pain brought him down.

"Sh," Magnus rested a gentle hand on his chest to ease him back down. "You were seriously injured, you need to lay down and rest more, Trouble."

Slowly, bit by bit, the events that had brought him into this bed came back to him. "Clary and Izzy."

"They're fine," Magnus assured him with the smallest smile. "Couple bruises, broken arm in Isabelle's case, but other than that, no serious injuries."

A deep, relieved sigh as Jace settled into the bed more comfortably. Magnus' bed. It had been two months at least since Jace last slept in 'his' bed – his bed at the loft. Far longer since he'd been back to the Institute. Even after Aldertree had been removed as head, Jace never returned. By then, him and Magnus had already started sleeping with each other and Jace was so comfortable here.

"How did I get here?" Jace asked slowly. "I remember the sewers, but…"

"Phoebe Nightingale, one of my warlocks, came across you in an alley and portaled you here," Magnus looked utterly pleased by that. "It was greatly appreciated."

The High Warlock's omega. Jace remembered hearing those words in the alley. It made him think of the other instances he'd been referred to as such by warlocks. Omega Bane. Jace had ignored it for weeks now. Maybe because he… liked the sound of it. Maybe because he'd gone through yet another identity crisis, gone from being a Wayland to being a Morgenstern to Luke and Clary trying to make him a Fray to… not being anyone, really, because he didn't know who his parents were, just that Valentine and Jocelyn weren't it. He currently had no real last name, not really.

"Why do your warlocks think that I am your omega?"

"Because you are, honey," Magnus raised one eyebrow, his fingers gently tracing Jace's face. "You're mine, and I take care of what belongs to me."

Jace flushed, his head racing at Magnus' words. He'd never dared to ask what they were, but it seemed that Magnus had a pretty clear idea of what they were. Reaching out, Jace took Magnus' wrist to pull him down onto the bed with him and, slow and with a wince, Jace rolled over to snuggle up to his alpha. Magnus hummed pleased, wrapping an arm around his waist.

~*~ The End ~*~

[myrealitymyfuture]

Im so funny- I really need to stop making things up and texting boys - I’ve been running thru them like crazy smh

The attention is definitely addicting and I get a lot of it- despite this it never feels like enough- from one person from 2 even 3. There is always something new and shinier

It’s nothing personal and writing about it will help me but making up the scenarios js already starting and I can’t go down a John rabbit hole again bc of how unhealthy that was

I lost control of this and idk how to go back from it smhhhhh

Ugh I don’t want to say this but on to the next-

Lost ina little digital world

Worlds apart,

Even better,

I am healing,

I am healthy

I am okay even if everything is not okay

And I do notice that everytime I get engulfed by any whirlwind it’s bc I want to be sooo distracted soo sooo distracted

It’s whatever I don’t think I came off too strong but maybe I did-

Regardless, I really need to keep my shit together in the next few months

I might need to take a break from the boys like frrrrrrr frrrr even tho I don’t want to :(

Okay- how would I do this?

My health physical like needs a break too

I’ve been excessive these past few weeks

It’s gonna be okay but I gotta lock innnnn

Like frrrr

I don’t remember or exactly know what my fantasy is but I do think that keeping it fun girl and easy going is chill but in the end, chasing pure hedonism in these trysts leaves me feeling emptyish :(

It’s like every encounter has a close ending and I don’t want to b jaded but part of me is steering that way-

I know it’s me- I have blind faith but ooops I keep getting ghosted and it’s like I like it like that- it’s fucked - don’t really know why I do that.

It’s like every cli is so responsive it’s almost relieving there is no action in being ghosted

Whatever it is - I’m not apologizing

No

No

Ugh

I have a weakness

For hot men

That are younger than me

And I wish I could work tonight

But I can’t

It’s all good love

[omsdoortodoor]

Episode 4: Departure date minus 24 weeks

Ian’s Bikes

The Stable

Bike No 1: 2023 Cannondale Carbon Synapse

My reward to myself for working all of last winter, not that I needed much in the way of an excuse to buy it!

Although this one is the same model of my other Synapse it is a completely different bike both to ride & in its equipment. Still very responsive it is so much more comfortable to ride. Kitted out with electronic (no cables!) Shimano 105s the gear changes are quick & crisp & I love it! This is the one I will use for the challenge but will take the other Cannondale as a back up.

I had a few days in France this week & managed to get out for a couple of training rides in great weather, cycling in sunshine on quiet roads without having to dodge pot holes is so enjoyable especially when I could ride Bike No1!

The first of three rides was to the village of Sigeur & back, a total climb of 875 ft in 13 miles. The next ride was down the valley to Tarascon & back, 10 miles downhill to Tarascon & then a steady climb back up the valley to Auzat.

Jane's week - Angry Drivers

Having spent the last few weeks talking about my MS and fundraising, my thoughts now focus on coping with the challenge of supporting Ian using our Motorhome, Celeste.  Here she is, what a beauty. 

Named after Queen Celeste from Barbar the elephant.  (Apparently, she was not only Barbar’s cousin, but also his wife – who knew).

Celeste’s vital statistics are:

Height: 2.84m (9ft 3in)

Width 2.34m (7ft 8 in)

Length 7.18m (23 ft 7 in)

Weight: under 3500kg.

So, she is a pretty big beast – longer than a typical 17-seater minibus, but being under 3500kg is important because it means I can drive her without having to get a special category reinstated on my driving licence.  That category was revoked, as standard, when my licence was changed from a normal one to a 3-year medical license.

The reason why I mention that she is longer than a 17-seater minibus is because I did drive one of those as a support vehicle on a 3 peaks challenge many years ago.

So, this week, we took Celeste out so that I could get some reversing practice.   I drove to the Tesco car park in Cullompton to get used to how the reversing camera works.  I also found that the turning circle, when reversing is less than I had thought. Ooops. I was definitely closer to one parked car than I thought.  We have no parking sensors.  I am thinking that it might be sensible to alter that.

I also found where the horn was.  Very conveniently right in the centre of the steering wheel, if you are interested.  She is Italian built, so this may be why the horn is so accessible.  I was furious because as we left Cullompton, Ian said, oh one of the cupboard doors has opened.  So, I waited for a long straight section (not on the motorway for those who know where Cullompton is) where I could pull over safely.  I signalled with plenty of time and pulled over gently.  Bear in mind that nothing can happen fast in a motorhome of this size.  (I might change my mind on that later on).  And this bloomin’ driver beeped their horn, just because the had to pull out and  overtake.  I was so furious because a. I had manoeuvred safely and b. if I had done that in a car, they would not have beeped.  So, I beeped back – loud, long and clear.  Well, it made me feel better.

The other major prep I need to do involves building up my stamina so I can get to the end of the day without being exhausted and still be able to incorporate all pillars of the Overcoming MS programme that I follow.  Bear in mind that it will be rinse and repeat for every day of the challenge.

But how on earth to do that when you live with MS?  If you read my blog special to mark MS Awareness Month, (see above) you may have a little idea of what I will need to (at best) overcome and at worst (continue in spite of).

My plan has been to create a list of what a typical day on the challenge may look like and try to replicate that as much as possible.  The idea being that by the time we go on the challenge, a lot of the things will become daily habits and not a daunting To Do list.  I need to build up my strength (because I will be driving a big vehicle and because I will be putting up an awning and 3 wind breaks every day) and my stamina because I will need still be on the ball enough to cope with completing the social media in the evening.  I think resilience also needs to go in there too because I will need to cope with the unknown and speak French, which believe me is a BIG challenge.

So, I have created my list and every day I work out what % of those daily tasks I have achieved.  I also rate my fatigue when I wake in the morning and my level of tiredness last thing at night.  10 being high.

My aim is that I feel 0 fatigue first think in the morning.  (i.e. full recovery from whatever the day before throws at me).  That I regularly achieve 100% of the daily tasks (because they will all need to be done).  I am less worried about the end of day tiredness if I achieve full recovery by the following morning.  Hopefully that all makes sense.  I have 25 weeks to do this in.

Each week I will give you my headline figures.

Since I started to use this method (10 days ago):

I have experienced the lowest fatigue (2 out of 10) on just one day. ���

On the same day I achieved the highest % of daily tasks (70%). 👏

I have felt least tired in the evening (4 out of 10) on two days.🥳

I have experienced my worst fatigue (10 out of 10) first thing in the morning on two days.😩

I have achieved the lowest % of daily tasks (37%) on one day.😫

I have experienced my highest level of tiredness at the end of the day (7 out of 10) on four days.🥱

Thank you for reading this

Jane & Ian

[deep-space-elf]

Haldir x Reader - Unwanted

Masterlist: Desktop || Mobile

A/N: Have you ever been annoyed by having a crush on someone? Like “Nope! I really don’t need this right now. Stahp it!”? Because that’s what I’m going through right now. Anyways, this headcanon was actually supposed to be a ficlet, but I just never got around to write it. So I posted it as a headcanon, according to the motto: Better this than nothing. But now I’ve finally found some time and motivation and suddenly I wrote 1700+ words. Well, that a little longer than I thought... Ooops?! 😶 Summary: Y/N is fed up with her crush on Haldir, thinking he’d never return her feelings for him. She plans on doing everything she can to stop this stupid infatuation but thanks to Rúmil her plan is doomed to fail.  Word Count: 1770 Warnings: A little angsty in the beginning  Reader: fem!Reader, Reader is a historian (though it’s only mentioned)

Y/N stomped towards her home, not paying any attention to what was going on around her. Her cheeks were coloured bright red. What was she thinking?! If she wouldn’t be in public, she’d smack her head against the book she was carrying. 

As she reached her home, she closed the door behind herself - trying her hardest not to slam it - and slid down against it. She tossed the book carelessly aside and put her head in her hands. This couldn’t continue, she needed to stop. This was making her nothing but miserable. 

She spent basically the whole morning sitting near the training grounds, pretending to be reading while sneakily watching Haldir train. The longer she was there, the harder it was to pretend. Her eyes wouldn’t stay on the pages and would find the march warden more and more often. 

Eventually, Rúmil would sit down next to her, a smug smile plastered on his face. “So, how’s my brother doing today?” 

The blood rushed towards her face. “I-I have no idea what you’re talking about!” 

Rúmil laughed, a full belly laugh. “Sure, Y/N. Just talk to him. I’m sure it would please him.” 

“Don’t be silly,” Y/N said and stood up. “Why would a march warden be interested in talking to a historian? Anyway, I have to go. Good day, Rúmil.” 

Her friend shook his head. “You’re hopeless. Have a nice day, Y/N and think about what I told you.” 

Y/N groaned, think back at the conversation. “Stupid, stupid, stupid!” 

This has been going on for months now. Whenever Y/N had the chance, she would sneak a peek at the handsome march warden. First, she thought it was simply fascinated with his skill and well, perhaps because he was easy on the eyes. But soon she had to come to terms with the fact that she was developing a crush on him. 

Whenever she would see him, her heart would flutter with happiness. Whenever she heard his voice, she got goosebumps. Whenever she was not concentrating, Haldir would occupy her thoughts. It was annoying! 

She was pretty sure that Haldir would never be interested in her that way, and she wished her brain understood that. The more she thought daydreamed about Haldir, the deeper she fell into this rabbit hole. At this point, she couldn’t even remember what it was like when he was not constantly present in her mind. 

She got up from the floor and sighed. This needs to stop! she told herself once more. From tomorrow on, she would stop seeking out every opportunity she could get to see him or him talk. She would preoccupy her thoughts with work and books, so her brain wouldn’t have a chance to come up with another daydream of him and Y/N together. Tomorrow, things will change! 

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆

It was early in the morning when Y/N walked through Caras Galadhon on her way to work. She was early but it would only give her more time to plan out projects and find books she will read in the coming weeks. Her first step on not thinking about him. 

“Y/N!” She turned around and saw Rúmil jogging towards her. 

“Good morning, mellon,” she greeted her friend. “You’re up early.” 

“Haldir wants us to train harder in the coming weeks,” Rúmil rolled his eyes. “You know, because of the surge in orc sightings. Like they would come anywhere close to Lothlórien.” 

“Who knows,” Y/N replied. “Orcs are not exactly the brightest and attack anything and anyone.” 

Rúmil smirked. “Of course you would agree with Haldir.” 

Her cheeks began to colour. “Well, it is a sensible precaution!” 

“Of course,” Rúmil nodded mock-seriously. 

It was her turn to roll her eyes as she poked him in the sides. “Stop it!” 

“Anyway,” he changed the topic, “would you mind coming to the training ground with me? There’s something I like to show you.” 

Y/N hesitated. Normally she would agree immediately. Rúmil was her best friend and when he asked something of her, she would gladly agree. But after her promise to herself yesterday, she wasn’t so sure if going to the training ground was such a good idea. He would be there and inflame another inner turmoil. 

Rúmil nudged her playfully when she didn’t say anything. “Come on, it’ll be great!” 

If she wouldn’t go, Rúmil would know something is up, and probably be a little pest about it. Get a grip! she scolded herself. You can’t bend your whole life around an ellon to avoid him, just because you have a crush on him! 

“All right,” Y/N said. “As long as it won’t take too long.” 

“Great!” 

Just go there, see what Rúmil wants to show you and leave. Easy. Any thoughts about him will be squashed immediately!

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆

After a couple of minutes, the two friends arrived at the training ground. The first thing she heard was him shouting commands at the soldiers. Her body reacted before he finished the sentence and sent goosebumps all over her arms. No! No, no, no! Don’t think about it. 

She turned her back towards the training soldiers and looked at Rúmil. “So, what did you want to tell me?”

“Ah, wait here,” he said and vanished in one of the small huts, presumed to be an armoury, next to the ground. 

Behind her, she heard more commands and instructions being shouted. She didn’t even need to turn around to know when they came from Haldir or someone else. Calm yourself, dammit! But eventually, she couldn’t resist any longer, and her head slowly turned towards the source of the voices. There he was. Through the numerous soldiers, she spotted Haldir instantly. To her, he stood out like the moon between the stars. Bright, beautiful and mesmerising. Nothing and no one could compare to him. 

She was so captured by him that she didn’t notice Rúmil returning, or how he rolled his eyes when he saw her staring at his brother once again. “Just talk to him.” 

Y/N jumped. She turned her back towards her friend. A, by now, well-known feeling spreading through her chest - forlornness. “I wouldn’t even know what to say.” 

Rúmil shrugged. “Anything, really. You could talk about-” 

Y/N peeked over her shoulder and saw the march warden had spotted them. Her breath caught in her throat when he was looking directly at her. He patted on of the soldier on the shoulder and made his way towards them. Y/N felt like fainting. 

“Shit! He’s coming over! Hide me, Rúmil!” she said and tried to get behind her friends back. But Rúmil was faster. He grabbed her shoulders and placed her right in front of him. As if this wasn’t traumatising enough for Y/N he waved his brother happily, like nothing was wrong. “Hey, Haldir! Y/N wants to tell you something! I’ll be with you in a moment.” And with that he sprinted towards the changing area, leaving a dumbfounded Y/N behind. 

I really need new friends. Perhaps that should be my next project - sorting out the people that BETRAY me like this! 

Haldir looked after his brother but didn’t seem to be too worried about his weird behaviour. When he turned towards Y/N a soft smile played around his lips. “Lady Y/N, what can I do for you?” 

How can a person even be this pretty? His eyes… oh my, they’re even prettier up close. And he said my name… Oh, right. Think! Say something! Anything!

“Um… nothing really,” Y/N said, her voice barely above a whisper. “Rúmil is just being… Rúmil.” 

She looked down on her feet, not being able to hold his gaze any longer. She could feel her cheeks heating and hoped Haldir wouldn’t see it, or not understanding what caused it. 

“I must apologise for my brother,” Haldir said. “For some reason, he seemed to be set hard on us getting to know better. I am sorry if he caused you any discomfort.” 

Was Rúmil pesting Haldir just as much about her crush on him? That little-

“Oh, now it’s my fault!” Rúmil returned, dressed in his training clothes. He regarded them both with a flat look. “But you’re right, dear brother. I want you two to talk to each other because I know that what you two want!” 

Haldir and Y/N flushed. They both opened their mouths to protest but Rúmil was having none of it. “Nope! No backtalk! For months I’ve heard you two whining that you want to get to know the other but didn’t know how. Well, here it is, the perfect opportunity! I happened to know that you both have nothing planned tomorrow evening, so I friendly suggest - actually, scratch that friendly, you two better follow my advice, or I don’t want to hear about the topic ever again - that you two meet and chat and whatever. Just. Talk. To. Each. Other! It can’t be that hard!” He threw his arms in the air and stomped towards the training ground. 

Haldir and Y/N looked at each other, stunned by Rúmil’s outburst. It was Haldir who broke the silence first. He cleared his throat awkwardly. “Rúmil is right, I’d really like to get to know you, Y/N.” 

For a moment Y/N couldn’t believe her ears. She smiled fondly at him. “I’d like to get to know you, too. So… um… tomorrow evening?” she asked and hoped it wasn��t too forward. 

Haldir nodded and Y/N could have sworn his cheeks looked a little red. “It sounds good. I know a nice place… Shall I pick you up, once the sun starts setting?” 

Y/N’s smile grew wider and wider. “Sounds perfect. I’m looking forward to it.” 

“Great,” Haldir said. 

For an outsider, it might have looked like they were having an awkward moment, but for them both it was one of the best moments in their lives. One of many that would follow. They kept on looking at each other for a little while longer, both not believing what just happened. After months of hoping, wishing and dreaming they would finally get to know each other… and hopefully become more than just friends. 

“I’ll see you then,” Y/N eventually said. 

“See you tomorrow, Y/N,” Haldir said and walked back to his soldiers.  

With a wide smile and butterflies in her stomach, she walked to her work. Maybe I don’t have to sort Rúmil out after all. Perhaps he actually deserves a promotion on my friends-list. Better not tell him. It’ll only get to his head. 

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆

Taglist: @velvetmotel97​ 

If you want to be tagged, let me know! :)

[cinnamon-medical]

#summer studying challenge 2021

Hello! I am back! August is behind the corner, school days are getting closer and closer. On September 16th, I have introduction to medical studies. I am so excited.

Also, I flipped through the pages of my anatomy books. First topics will cover skeleton and muscles. To be honest, I am terrified of face muscles :D I am sure I will feel uncomfortable after seeing cadaver ooops

16th July - Do you have any summer traditions?

Not really. But one thing I noticed is that every summer I did something to my hair. Once I dyed it Ariel red, next summer it was purple, then I cut my bangs and last summer I dyed my hair ginger. This summer, I am thinking about getting curtain bangs, but we will see... So I guess my tradition is to change my hair.

17th July - What is your typical daily routine in the summer?

On days when I am working, I wake up at 4 am, have light breakfast, go to work, come home at 8 pm, then I do a few Duolingo lessons, take shower and go to sleep. (So sad, I know)

When I have day off, I wake up at 6 or 7, have a cup of coffee, watch morning show on tv, then I do Duolingo lessons and stories, walk the dog, clean the house and my room, journal a bit, then in late afternoon, I visit my aunt, we drink coffee (sometimes wine) and chat. Then I read a book or scroll socials and in the evening, I watch movies. (Boring af)

18th July - How do you stay motivated during the summer? (for example, to study)

This summer it is a little bit more difficult, since I am not spending most of my days at home. But I will tell you example, I am completing Duolingo lessons, because of my 180 days streak. Does it count as motivation?

19th July - Do you stay indoors or outdoors more in the summer?

It's 50:50.

20th July - Are you a ‘summer person’?

Not at all. I am glad it is finally warm outside, but I prefer spring or autumn.

21st July - What is an unpopular opinion that you have about summer?

School holidays are a bit too long. In my country, holidays last 2 months, college students have longer holidays. I think, 2 months at once is a bit too much. I would prefer having holidays like this: School from September to Christmas, then maybe 3 weeks of holidays in April or May and then August.

22nd July - What does summer feel like where you live?

It feels....fine? I live in Central Europe, so we do not have any sea, but I live in area that is influenced by the mountain climate, so our temperatures are not that high, but I still feel like in sauna.

23rd July - Would you prefer summer to be hotter or colder than it usually is for you?

Colder!!!

24th July - Would you prefer your summer to be shorter or longer?

If we talk about the season, then I am okay with how it is now :)

25th July - Daytime or nighttime – what’s your favourite time during summer?

Suprisingly, I prefer nighttime. I am usually morning person and most active before noon, but it changes in summer where I am opposite.

26th July - Do your sleeping habits change during summer?

I go to sleep later in the night.

27th July - Do your eating habits change during summer?

Yes, for me it is easier to do 20+ hours fasting during summer than in winter sooooo.... that's what I do (#not pro any eating disorder)

[padfootagain]

Such A Silly Game

Here we go with a second fic for Ben's week!! Today’s writing prompt was ‘a moment’. Join us on @benbarnesbirthdayparty​ to follow the event. This is a modern AU for Caspian! I am very proud of this little piece, I hope you like it.

Just so you know, it was meant to be a drabble. Then it became a regular one-shot, and turns out, it became a 7k-long fic... Ooops...

Anyway, enjoy!

WARNING for mentions of injuries, explosions and violence.

Tell me if you like my little fic :)

Word Count: 7365

"Lionheart is on the move."

"Copy that. Everything's clear all the way to the hotel."

"Have you checked the hotel itself."

"Of course. We're all good."

"We'll soon be there."

You ended the phone call, putting the device back in the pocket of your vest, and you nodded to your colleagues waiting for your signal a few metres down the street. The two of them climbed in the black car parked in front of the one you would be using tonight. You turned to your three other colleagues who stood by your side in front of the Narnian embassy.

"Get ready to leave," you ordered to two of them. "Marco and I will take care of the King's car. Stay close to us."

You patted the shoulder of one of your colleagues, who was younger than all of you. It was her first day as an official bodyguard serving the King of Narnia, and she was nervous as hell. After a long and difficult training, she was finally ready.

"Don't worry too much. It's Manhattan. The threat level is not that high," you reassured the young Denise. "Besides, you're paired with Reep! He's the best mentor you can have...  after me, of course."

"Ha... but Y/N here is too busy running the whole show, being the head of his Majesty's security to take care of the new recruits," your friend Reepicheep laughed at you. "Come on, let's get ready. The King will soon walk out of the embassy. And tonight, I pay for the beers!"

"Why the merry mood?" you asked, raising a playful eyebrow in surprise.

"Well, you've just said that I was a father now!" he replied, gesturing at Denise and making all of you laugh.

"Hey! I've been working with all of you for six months already!" Denise protested.

"Only as a trainee. Now, you're an official bodyguard!" Marco replied, nudging your new recruit.

"Congrats, by the way," you gave Denise an encouraging smile. "Now, go to work!"

"Yes, Ma'am!" your three colleagues chimed, and Reep and Denise walked over to the car behind yours.

One car on the front, one behind, along with three motorcycles came to complete the guard of King Caspian X. His diplomatic mission at the U.N. was about to end, only a few days left before you would find the quiet of your homeland again. Not that you complained about the charm of this city, but the threats were much greater in number on foreign soil for the King, which meant more work and more stress for you.

You had been working as his personal bodyguard for six years and been his head of security for two more. Eight years by his side, spending your days and nights thinking about his safety. You had protected him on every continent and in dozens of nations. And if it wasn't exactly recommended for you to admit it, you had formed a strong friendship with the King.

Or well, perhaps it was a little more than a friendship the two of you shared, but you were both painfully aware that you shouldn't act on it. Not in an easy way, at the very least. The King entering a romantic relationship with his bodyguard would bring the media on fire. It would eclipse every other project he might want to work on. And both of you would have to face hell. None of you were ready to take that step, or at least, you both assumed that the other wouldn't want to go through this. There were moments though when you would think like your feelings were shared, that he did see you in this tender light too. There had been a handful of moments, even, when you had thought that he might kiss you. It had never happened though. You reckoned that it never would. Besides, you knew the King well enough by now to be sure that he wouldn't risk putting both of you through all this mess if he weren't certain that his feelings for you were strong enough to resist the chaos.

You guessed that it meant that he didn't see this in you, after all.

The front door of the embassy opened, revealing the King confidently walking out. He was accompanied by two bodyguards who never left his side, no matter where he went. They would join the teams in the front car. You and Marco greeted the sovereign with a bow, and he nodded at the two of you, thanking Marco when he opened the door for him.

He settled in the back of the car while you sat in the passenger's seat and Marco would drive you through Manhattan.

"Is His Majesty ready to return to the hotel?" you asked, and he nodded once more.

You gave the signal to the other cars, and within seconds, you were on the road.

"Miss Y/L/N, you wouldn't happen to have a..."

But Caspian fell silent when you handed him a bottle of water and a box of aspirin before he could probably ask for it. He chuckled, accepting the medicine.

"Thank you. I guess I'm that predictable, huh?"

"You were to meet several other leaders today, I reckon anyone would end that kind of day with a migraine."

"How was your day? Not too much, I hope."

"Everything is ready for you at the hotel, Your Majesty."

He chuckled, before swallowing the drug and rubbing circles on his temples in an attempt to shush the pain that pierced his skull.

"That is not what I was asking, but I'm glad to know that too. Although, knowing both of you and your team, I had no doubt my room would be secured long before I would arrive there."

You couldn't refrain a proud smile.

"Thank you for your trust, Your Majesty."

"You still haven't answered my question."

"Our day was pretty uneventful," you finally answered, your smile widening by the minute.

"Have you celebrated Miss Amos's first day as an official member of staff yet?" he asked, and you felt your heart swell with affection towards him.

He always remembered everything. You wondered how he did it. How, despite all of his duties, he still thought about every single person who worked for him.

"We were thinking about celebrating tonight," Marco joined in.

"Get a bottle of champagne on my account," Caspian instructed with an excited smile. "It's always a good feeling to welcome someone in our little world."

"It is, indeed."

"I have a few files to go through before we arrive. So..."

He handed you his phone.

"If someone calls, I am either dying or peeing."

You couldn't refrain a laugh, shaking your head.

"You shouldn't joke about dying, your Majesty. And especially not with your security team."

"I guess not," he answered, struggling to refrain his smile.

He picked up a couple of files, and started working again.

He was lost in laws and treaties and numbers and statistics. He rubbed his tired eyes, but focused on the documents on his laps despite his headache. You guessed that he would remain silent for the rest of the ride, so you turned to look at the shining lights of Manhattan at night instead. It was a beautiful sight indeed, of lights stretched with speed and reflections upon the Hudson River. The loud noise of the busy city still managed to sip inside the vehicle, honking cries and shouts and the humming of motorbikes speeding up across the large lanes. It was a rhythm that didn't really suit you: loud, busy, never-ending. You much preferred the slower pace of Narnian lives.

Despite your wandering thoughts, you remained focused on what was going on outside your car. You reckoned that as the King's head of security, you never truly relaxed. You were always monitoring whatever was happening in his vicinity, always attentive to details in every scene that played before you. A habit that was hard to lose once off-duty, but you didn't really mind. Maybe it was because of how you felt for the king, you reckoned that it was no bother to you to always be thinking of him.

You were outstandingly good at your job, and Caspian was well aware that he owed you his life, and did so on many occasions. How many plots had you brought down before they would come to fruition as an attempt on his life? He didn't know the exact number, but he was pretty certain that he wouldn't be able to count them on only his two hands. You didn't tell him about these things though, except when you were worried that a threat might still be out there. Otherwise, he would learn about your work through Reep, most of the time. He reckoned that it was just how you were: too humble to bring your good work to the light it deserved. Actually, you simply reckoned that the King had more important things to do than to listen to threats that were not relevant anymore. You did tell everything to the Prime Minister though, she had asked for the reports of all your operations. But if you could take at least one worry off of your sovereign's shoulders, then you would happily do so.

It was because you were so competent that you had quickly been promoted to a higher position in the King's security team. All your colleagues liked to praise you in saying that if you hadn't been in the team, the King would most likely not be in such a good health today.

So, it really wasn't because of your incompetence, or because of the incompetence of anyone in your team, that the quiet ride to Caspian's hotel turned into such a dangerous situation.

Because there was no emails to be found between the perpetuators of the attack upon the King that night, nor were there any strange online activity to be monitored, nor any suspicious discussions over the phone to be listened to. Every step was planned face to face between their instigators, and there was no way you could have guessed that an attack was planned for tonight.

How did they know how to find the King tonight, you never really found out. There were many mysteries about this particular moment that would take years to be revealed. And many important things would unfold in the very short time during which the attack took place. Their consequences though would linger on for many, many years.

You were always surprised by how the followers of Caspian's uncle kept his fight alive, despite the fact that his attempted coup resulted in their leader's death. You guessed that loyalty, even when misplaced, had no end. And with a bit of thinking, you understood the feeling. You reckoned that nothing could ever break your loyalty towards Caspian.

If you were supposed to hold your loyalty to the throne, you were well-aware that you had shifted your allegiance to Caspian himself long ago. Ever since he had shared his biscuits with you on that sunny afternoon in the royal gardens of Cair Paravel. You had talked like two friends, basked in the warm sun and the distant whisper of the sea. That was the first time that he was fully Caspian with you instead of the King. That was when you had fallen for him. You remembered every second of it...

But the scent of roses was long gone and at the moment at stake, you were about to face the greatest risks you had ever taken.

It was so sudden, like a flash. Everything was normal in the busy street, and the next second the car before you was bursting into flames.

Marco hit the breaks just as your foot made the same movement against the floor of the car, as a reflex. All three of you were projected forward with the strength of the deceleration, before hitting back your seats.

"What's going on?" Caspian asked behind you, a little out of breath. "Is anyone hurt?"

But you weren't given an occasion to speak, as loud gunshots rang through the night, the bullets crashing against the bulletproof windows interrupting you.

"Get down, Your Majesty!" you ordered, and for once, Caspian was the one to obey an order without a complain.

You unclasped your seatbelt and moved to check on Marco, who was holding his head.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah, just banged my head against the wheel."

A new sequence of gunshots came in an outburst, but the glass was holding on for now. You looked around, trying to calm your breathing and your pounding heartbeat. No matter how panicked you were and scary the situation was, you needed to analyze what you had to be done. Assess the situation and act.

Assess and act.

"Your Majesty, are you hurt?" you asked, trying to control the shakiness in your voice as you scanned the street.

"No, I'm fine. Are you both okay?"

"We're fine."

Chaos was raging outside. People were running away to find shelter out of the street, abandoning their cars in the middle of the road in their panicked state. Which meant that the roads ahead were all blocked or would soon be. Anyway, ahead, the first car was burning in bright and tall red flames, completely forbidding any way out. The gunshots were coming from the right side of the street, you guessed from one of the buildings.

You reached for your radio.

"Does anyone copy?"

"Hear you loud and clear," Reep's voice came a little distorted through the radio. "Lionheart?"

"We're all fine. What's your status?"

"Unharmed. A bit bruised, but nothing to worry about."

"Is the road behind you clear?"

"No, blocked by a bus that was left there in the panic."

You checked your watch. Only a minute or so must have passed since the beginning of the attack.

"Stay put," you ordered.

No one answered from the first car, and you had to push your grief and worry for you colleagues aside for now. All that mattered at this precise moment was to get the King to safety.

"Your Majesty, there's a bulletproof vest under the driver's seat, put it on."

"Already done," Caspian replied. "What do we do? The streets are blocked?"

You nodded, and couldn't help but be impressed by how calm Caspian was despite the circumstances.

"I'm working on that," you replied, looking around the street again.

"We stay here and wait for help?" Marco asked.

"No, we need to get out of here, the windows won't hold forever."

"I agree with Miss Y/L/N on that one," Caspian nodded.

You spotted the entrance of a subway station a few dozens of meters away. You would have to cross the road, a piece of grass and another road that seemed completely blocked by a set of abandoned cars.

What if they had chosen this spot because they wanted to trap all of you in the subway?

But the next set of bullets made cracks run across the windows, and you reckoned that you didn't really have a choice.

"We're gonna aim for the subway, on the left."

"It's too far away," Marco shook his head.

"Reep," you called over the radio. "We're gonna make a run for the subway station on the left."

"Copy that."

"Get as close as you can with the car," you instructed to your colleague. "Your Majesty, stay down, and be ready to get out of the car quickly."

Caspian merely nodded, bracing himself against your seat.

Your colleague obeyed, starting the car again and driving as fast as he could towards the subway. But there was no way the car could pass between the oak trees that bordered the second road you had to cross. You had to get out of the car while still on the grass.

Reep and Denise stopped their car next to yours, turning the car to create a large protection for your team.

"What about the front car?" Denise asked as she and Reep joined your group.

But you shook your head.

"No response. And the priority is to get the King to safety."

Your young colleague nodded.

"Everyone in formation around the King," you ordered. "You all know what to do."

And indeed, there was no need for more words. You surrounded Caspian, using your own bodies to shield his. It was a quick run to the subway. Just one road to cross. But you would be in plain sight then.

"Your Majesty, are you ready?"

He studied the way your eyes were filled with fear. It was an expression that was easy to read on your features then. He spotted the sweat across your forehead, and the way your chest rose and fell more than usual. But there was determination as well as panic to be read in the frown that creased your brow.

He knew that this moment might be the last you shared. There was no reason to deny the truth. You were all risking your lives now, and he was painfully aware that it was his fault if you were in harm's way. Still, he reckoned that you wouldn't change a thing if you could. You would still choose to stand beside him.

There were many things he longed to admit, and many confessions he ought to make before dying, but now was not the time. Despite the urgency of this moment, despite the danger, he couldn't simply blurt out the fact that he loved you with all his heart, and had done so for years.

After all this, then, he decided. It would be the reason why you'd both have to survive this, so he could tell you at last.

"I'm ready, Miss Y/L/N."

You took a deep breath, giving him a short nod, before turning your gaze towards your goal.

You could make a stop behind a car, before finishing to cross the street.

"We aim for the cab over there," you instructed. "On three. One."

The four bodyguards gathered around their King, much to his dislike. It was their job though, to protect him at all cost, and he understood it. He understood that he was the King, and despite his country being a constitutional monarchy, his role was still key in the government and the health of his country's economy. He understood it, and he hated it.

You were right behind him, your arm reaching across his back. You would be shielding him on his right, and he was well aware that it might be the most dangerous position to be in at that moment.

Still, he remained silent, and let Reep position himself by your side, and your colleagues before them.

"Two."

Your heart was beating so fast, faster, you reckoned, that it had ever beaten. You were struggling to breathe, and yet, you were painfully aware of Caspian's scent of cinnamon and orange blossom.

You closed your eyes to focus, to gather your strengths. There was no mistakes allowed, any would most likely cost you your life, or worse, Caspian's.

When you opened your eyes again, you stared at the cab you were about to run to, only a few meters away. Despite your fear, your expression on your face was determined rather than afraid.

"Three!"

You all stood up as one man, running as fast as you could, although you remained bent over the King, making sure he was safe, four human shields covering your sovereign's body.

You counted how long you spent unprotected.

One, two, three, four, five...

The gunshots started, and a couple of bullets hit the pavement right next to your feet.

Six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven.

You crumbled against the cab, your legs shaky with the adrenaline running through your veins while the gunshots went on, digging holes in the cab behind you.

"Everyone alright?" you asked.

You were met with four nods.

"The shooter is in the big building on the other side of the lane. I'd say third or fourth floor," Reepicheep said.

"I've spotted him on the third window of the fourth floor," you agreed. "But there's no chance we can aim at him from here. Better make a run for the subway."

"And if he wants us there?"

"Then we'll shoot whoever is inside. Keep your weapons at the ready."

Your gun was already in your hand, the safety long gone and your forefinger ready to pull the trigger while you held the weapon so tightly your hand hurt.

You had been trained for this. You didn't doubt your abilities. You only doubted your luck, it was the one thing you couldn't control after all.

"Alright, one more time. On three," you instructed once more. "One."

Bullets hit the car you were hiding behind again, and you shielded Caspian as well as you could. When the shooting stopped, he sat straighter again, his dark eyes fully black in the weak light of the street, with no way of telling where his irises started and his pupils ended. You stared at each other for a few seconds, both of you a little out of breath.

He rested his hand on your forearm, his touch delicate.

"Are you hurt, Miss Y/L/N?" Caspian asked in a concerned whisper.

But you shook your head.

"We need to move," was your answer, and the King merely nodded in response. He knew you were right. You needed to hurry.

"Two," you resumed your countdown, and your colleagues and you took back your protective positions around the King.

One final sprint and you would be in the clear, for now, at least.

"Three!"

The shots resumed the second you started towards the subway.

You counted the seconds again while bullets ricocheted against the pavements and the cars surrounding you. Glasses shattered on your right, the high-pitched noise added to the detonations.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine...

You would have needed a couple more seconds, that was all. Just two more seconds, maybe three, and you would have reached the entrance and been able to take cover.

But you collapsed before that, just as the number nine rang in your head.

Caspian felt it. He felt that your hand slipped from his back, and your presence across his back and by his side disappeared too. He turned to check on you, and the scene he found was the one he dreaded most.

You hit the ground just as he turned to you.

His eyes grew round, and he made a movement towards you, but he was dragged away by the rest of his bodyguards.

"No..." he breathed, but it might just had been a shout for the pain that tore the word apart. It was simply too broken to come out louder.

Then he was pushed against a wall, and you were out of sight.

You were shot. You were hurt and it was all because of him. He had to go back and carry you to safety. He had to protect you just like you had protected him so many times before, just like you protected him just now.

"Unhand me," he ordered between grinding teeth. "All of you, unhand me."

If Marco and Denise obeyed, Reep stared back at his king with a stubborn look on his face that Caspian hated.

"Your Majesty, you can't..."

"That's an order."

"I'm afraid I can't obey this order, Your Majesty. You can't go out there for her."

The two men stared at each other, reading each other's anger and resolve in their eyes. Caspian's fear and panicked state was slowly turning into anger at the idea that he couldn't help you. And under other circumstances, he would have understood. He was the King. You had sacrificed yourself for him, and you risking your life would be useless if he walked back out there and got shot too.

But it was you. It was you, and he didn't care about anything else at that moment. Not about his country, or his duties, and certainly not his safety. You were lying on the cold pavement, just a few meters away from him, at best wounded and at worst dead. He would not leave you behind. He had things to confess, after all.

And on top of his fear for you and his panic rising through his body at the thought of losing you were added his regrets. So many of those, so many moments he had stopped himself from talking to you, from admitting how he truly felt, from holding you close, from kissing you.

It seemed simpler then, it seemed wiser too. He figured he had all the time in the world to tell you the truth. And now he was angry at himself, more than at Reepicheep, for letting so many of these moments slip through his fingers over the past years. And maybe he had let you down just as much as he had let himself by staying silent when he was so certain that he loved you. If he had let you down in the past, he was determined to never do so again, and certainly not now.

"Unhand me. Now."

"Your Majesty, if you get hurt, her sacrifice will have been in vain."

"I can't leave her there..."

"Your Majesty..."

"Get out of my way."

Reep heaved a sigh, knowing his King too well to keep on protesting. Instead, he did as ordered.

"I'll go with you then," Reep decided, and Caspian didn't complain.

Before he could add another word, Caspian was running to you, closely followed by his bodyguard.

He grabbed you by the shoulders and started to drag you towards shelter. With Reepicheep's help, he carried you to safety in just a few seconds, but he remained unprotected long enough for him to feel the stinging burn of a cut across his right arm. He merely winced though, and didn't let out a sound before all three of you were protected again.

Meanwhile, Denise and Marco had wandered further into the deserted subway and found no threat.

"Your Majesty... your arm..." Denise whispered, her eyes wide in concern.

"It's merely a scratch," Caspian brushed her remark away.

She looked for something to wrap around his wound to slow down the bleeding, but the King wasn't paying attention to her at all anymore.

"Miss Y/L/N? Can you hear me?"

His call was met by nothing but silence. Your eyes were closed, and a cut crossed your cheekbone, probably caused by your fall. He checked your pulse, but you were still breathing although your heartbeat was a little slow.

Caspian looked for your wound, but couldn't see any blood.

"Help me turn her to her side, she must have been hit on her back," he ordered, and Reep and Marco helped him to manoeuvre you so he could take a look at your back.

Sirenes echoed through the street then. The police and ambulances were arriving. But for now, you were still on your own.

After a careful examination, Caspian spotted a hole in the fabric of your suit, right under your right shoulder, and when he brushed his fingers across it, they were slightly covered with blood. He took his phone out of your pocket to shed some light on the spot, and he realised that your bulletproof vest had slowed the bullet enough for it to be still visible as it got buried in your skin and the first layers of muscles on the edge of your shoulder blade.

He heaved a relieved sigh. He was no doctor, but he reckoned that the wound in itself was not too severe. The strength of the impact must have been the worst part, he reckoned.

He gently put you on your back again, and resumed his efforts to wake you up.

"Y/N! Y/N please, open your eyes."

He ran his hand across your forehead and your cheek before cupping your face, his fingertips lost in your hair.

"Y/N... please... please, you need to wake up now. Y/N..."

Finally, your eyelids fluttered and opened, barely revealing the shade of your irises that Caspian dreamt about. And he reckoned he had never been happier to see your eyes.

"Ouch..." you let out with a wince.

He gave you a bright grin, tears shining in his eyes.

"Y/N... how are you feeling?"

"Been better," you admitted. "Where are we?"

"We've reached the subway. The police is here. Help is on its way."

"Have you... checked the perimeter?" You asked Reep.

"We're safe for now," Marco nodded.

"Happy to see that you are still the same," Caspian chuckled, his voice hoarse and a little weak.

"Are you hurt?" You asked, noticing the blood on his sleeve.

"It's just a scratch. I'm fine. We're all fine."

You made a movement to sit up, bit Caspian gently pushed you back down.

"No, lay down. Help is on its way. You need to rest."

"Your arm..."

"I'm alright, it barely brushed me. Stay down. You'll be fine."

He reached for your hand, for once not caring about the people around the two of you who witnessed the scene. It was so rare that he would let himself slip so far as to touch you in any way, and you felt overwhelmed by the chaste but loving hold.

But you were exhausted, and struggled to keep your eyes open by now.

You gathered your strengths to look at him, staring at his dishevelled hair falling before his dark eyes, and the beard covering his cheek, a little bit of sweat pearling across his forehead...

God, you loved him so much, it was almost embarrassing...

"Y/N, I need you to stay awake, okay?" Caspian's voice was low and deep and it sounded fragile now, begging. It was such a strange tone to hear coming from your King, you reckoned that you had never heard him beg for anything before.

"I'm so tired," you replied, although you were blinking in an attempt to open your eyes for good.

"I know."

"It's hard to breathe."

"You were shot. The vest stopped the bullet, but I reckon that the force of the impact was enough to knock you down. You could be more severely wounded than what we can assess now. So don't move, and stay awake while we wait for help."

"Take care of your arm first."

He exhaled loudly, a tender smile settling on his lips while his eyes filled with tears again.

Outside, the sirens rang closer again, and some gunshots could be heard from the distance. It was loud and chaotic and scary. Caspian didn't look away from your eyes though.

"You really have to always be this stubborn, don't you?" he asked, his voice too gentle for his remark, and as you thought about an adjective to describe his tone, there was no word that you could think of that suited more than 'loving'. And this tone of his made your heart melt.

Police officers finally reached your shelter a few minutes later, along with a team of paramedics. Reep guided them to you, and explained the situation, while you tightened your hold on Caspian's hand.

"As we've almost died, and it's a very short moment that'll soon end..." you whispered, so only Caspian would hear. "I think I can admit that... I really wish you could stay with me now."

But you were surprised when Caspian shook his head, giving you the most tender smile you had seen adorning his lips.

"I'm not leaving your side this time. As you said, we've almost died. Call it cliché, but it changes things."

You wanted to ask him what he meant, but the paramedics finally reached you, and you had to give them your attention instead.

"Take care of the King first," you ordered them, making Caspian chuckle.

You really would never change...

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

 You hated hospitals. They were white and cold and filled with pain. The blankets and sheets were scratchy and the mattress uncomfortable. And there was no need to get you started on the food.

You were in one of these hospital beds now though, and had no choice about the matter. If the bullet had not made too much damage in itself, the impact had hit you with enough strength to break one of your ribs. You would stay in the hospital for a couple of days, and after being patched up, you had fallen asleep alone in your room.

Only, you weren't alone anymore when you opened your eyes again.

Caspian was asleep, sitting on a tiny chair with dark circles under his eyes that showed that he had barely gotten any sleep during the night. You guessed that he had passed out because of exhaustion rather than peacefully resting. His neck was twisted to a strange angle, and you could foresee the wince he would make as he would wake up with painful muscle.

You guessed that moments of peril did change things after all.

You could already think of the headlines if the fact that the King had spent the night in the hospital to stay with his bodyguard was to come out. Caspian didn't seem to care though, clearly, as he was curled in his uncomfortable chair by your side.

His arm was pressed against his chest in a tight bandage. He looked properly exhausted, yet, your selfish side was happy he was in this chair instead of the comfort of a bed. He was by your side, after all, how could you not enjoy the sight?

The sun was rising outside, still pale and golden above the skyscrapers while the city that never sleeps came a little bit more to life. You studied the way a few stranded photons got caught on Caspian's eyelashes and in his long dark hair. You measured the distance between your hand and his. Maybe a metre, at most, you would say.

You kept on staring at him for a while. A couple of minutes or an hour, it was hard to tell, you reckoned that you could have spent your whole life just looking at him. Despite the rush and danger of the previous night, and where you were now, there was something unbelievably soothing about watching Caspian sleep by your side.

When he finally stirred, blinking his eyes open and rubbing the sleep away from them, his gaze instantly settled upon your frame. He offered you a warm smile once he noticed that you were awake.

"Good morning, Miss Y/L/N," he greeted you, his voice hoarse in the young morning as he rubbed his painful neck.

"Good morning, Your Majesty," you answered with the same smile.

He scooted his chair closer to your bed and leaned towards you.

"How are you feeling?"

"Numb. I guess they must have given me painkillers."

"You got some morphine during the night."

"Explains a lot."

He chuckled, nodding.

"I guess it must."

"How is your arm?"

"It was a mere scratch, but I am royalty, so... I reckon the doctors are being zealous."

"How did you get hurt? Is it because I fell?"

He stared right into your eyes to answer, knowing you wouldn't like what he was about to say, but he didn't really care.

"No, I went back for you. I carried you back to the subway, with a little help of your colleagues, of course."

"You did what?!" you exclaimed, trying to sit up but falling back into the bed as soon as a jolt of pain crossed your back and chest.

Caspian was on his feet in the blink of an eye, gently pressing his palm against your shoulder.

"You have to lie down. You have a broken rib. Apparently, it's going to hurt like hell."

"That... might be a good idea... Don't think it's making me forget what you've just said though. What on Earth were you thinking?!"

"Is that really how you're supposed to talk to your King?" he asked, quirking a playful eyebrow.

"When you act so recklessly? Yes."

"So what was I supposed to do? Leave you there, alone on the pavement?"

"Yes!"

"That will never happen."

"Your Majesty..."

But just as you were about to protest, he reached for your hand, and made you fall quiet, the words stuck in your throat as his soft skin met yours. Your heart sped up, and you watched him setting his eyes upon your two hands. He slowly sat on the edge of your bed while you struggled to find back your voice.

"This has been going on for too long, don't you think?" he asked in a whisper. "Such a silly game we've been playing..."

"This?"

"Well, I could be wrong, and then I apologize for what I'm about to say. But I thought... I think you might feel like this too."

"Your Majesty..."

His lips curled into a sad smile.

"Do you think you could call me a different name one day?"

You struggled to swallow.

"I'm not supposed to."

"As if I've ever cared about your origins and mine..."

"People do care though."

"Yes... I guess they do."

"So... you can stay for a little longer, and then the moment will end as you pass this door, and we'll be back to a King and his head of security."

He looked up to stare at your eyes once more, trapping your soul in them, it would seem.

"Is that what you want? After all these years? Don't you think we have lost enough time already, worrying about what people might say about us?"

"Nothing's changed. You're still the king, and I'm still your protector."

"Things have changed though."

"Really?"

"I almost lost you. I saw you lying there on this pavement, thinking that you might be dead. I've always pushed back this moment because I thought we would have time, that 'later' would come, eventually. But the reminder that our time on this Earth is a precious thing was only too violent for me to ignore last night. We've lost years already, I don't want to lose more time."

"But..."

"Just... hear me out. Let me tell you..."

"We shouldn't."

"When you were shot yesterday... I thought... I thought back on these moments when I almost didn't stop myself. When I almost told you how I feel, and when I almost kissed you and... and there is nothing in my life that I regret more than to have let all these precious instants pass."

He heaved a sigh, shaking his head.

"I'm... I know it won't be easy. But I'm tired of not being honest."

"Your Majesty..."

"No need to bring that distance between us again now."

"But..."

"But I love you."

You fell silent. You thought that he did love you. You hoped so. You wished that he would. But hearing the three words pass his lips was something else entirely. It felt... overwhelming.

"I've loved you for a while," he went on, his cheeks turning crimson, and his gaze dropping back to your hands, unable to hold your stare. "I... there will never be anyone else."

"You should marry a princess or... someone... like that..."

He chuckled again.

"Even you don't know what that means. We're in the 21st century, don't you think that I could have a choice to marry who I love. As long as the woman my heart has chosen loves me too, of course..."

His voice trailed off, waiting for reassurance, for your answer. But you remained silent.

"I want to do this," Caspian went on, staring at you once more while he gently stroked your knuckles with this thumb. "I'm ready to face it. Life is too short, Y/N. Yesterday was the last strike for me. I can't... I can't go on like this. I can't go on seeing you everyday and yet not being free to kiss you, and to ask you about your day, and to talk to you for hours just because I want to know everything about you and I want to hear your voice all the time. I can't go on being jealous of every man you speak to, imagining that maybe you could fall for them instead of me. I can't go on wasting my life like this, Y/N. I've wasted years already. You know that I would do anything for our people, I would die without a second thought if it meant protecting our country. But you becoming queen would be a good thing for Narnia too, I know you would be perfect in that role. And I just... I need you. And I want you in that role, by my side. I want you as more than the head of security. Critics will be made, and journalists will invent scandals, but we can beat this. We can, and if you give us a chance, we will."

He grew silent again, waiting for your answer. Before you would speak though, you gave him a smile.

"You're jealous of the men I talk to at work?" you asked, making him laugh.

"Of all that I've said, is that everything you've chosen to acknowledge?"

"We'll pass to the declaration of your unconditional love for me in a minute," you answered, both of you chuckling despite the tears glimmering in your eyes.

"Yes, I am jealous of them," he admitted. "Yes, I love you. And I don't want to be with anyone else. So... what do you think?"

You could have answered that it would be difficult, yet, you wanted to try it too. You were ready to embrace the storm that was sure to strike you, if it meant finally being with him. You wanted to tell him that you were jealous of all these noble women he talked to at galas as well. You wanted to tell him that you regretted these moments you had let slip through your fingers just like he did.

But instead, fewer, more important words passed your lips.

"I think that I love you too, Caspian."

He seemed a little stunned, but then, the grin he gave you was the brightest you had ever seen graze his features.

He didn't find any words to answer to that statement, so instead, he did what he had stopped himself from doing dozens of times before. Instead of speaking, he leaned down to press his lips to yours.

And Gosh, you had been wishing and dreaming and waiting for this kiss for years, but was it worth the wait...

His lips tasted of bitter hospital coffee, and they were soft and warm against yours. His scent was overwhelming, making your head spin. His hold on your hand tightened, but it remained tender all the same. When he turned his head a little more, his lips brushing yours instead of connecting with them fully, you reckoned that your entire body was set on fire by the way your two breaths mingled against each other's mouth, and how warm the air leaving his lungs felt across your skin. Finally, you were there, holding on each other, kissing, breathing the same air.

For how long did you keep on kissing? A few minutes, or a few hours, you wouldn't have been able to tell. All that you were aware of was Caspian's kiss and the way it made your body tremble, and how he was out of breath as well. Your fingers were lost in his soft, dishevelled locks like they were made to belong there.

When you finally broke apart, both of you out of breath, he rested his forehead against yours.

"So... what happens now?" you asked after a long silence.

"Now... I'm catching my breath, and then I think I might kiss you again."

You laughed, shaking your head.

"No, I meant... about... everything else."

But it was his turn to shake his head.

"It can wait until tomorrow. Or later, at least. Now... let's just enjoy this moment, okay?"

"It's nice," you agreed.

"Then let's just enjoy it while it lasts. Let's make this moment as long as we can."

"For how long do you think we can make it last?"

"Well... I reckon that a lifetime would do."

 *************************************

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[thedorkmagiciangirl]

The Mysterious Cases in Domino City

Summary:Multiple deaths.  Supernatural insanity.  And not enough proof to show how it all happened. 

This week on Buzzfeed Unsolved, we dive into the series of inexplicable events that took place ten years ago in Domino City.

Two men sat at their desk, papers stacked in front of them.  Ryan sat on the right, trying to hold back a grin, and Shane was leaning back in his seat.

"This week on Buzzfeed Unsolved, we're diving into a series of inexplicable events that took place over about a year in Domino City, about ten years ago."  Ryan says, and Shane glances at him.

"And all of these," Ryan said, clearly enjoying himself as Shane began to frown, "are connected back to one Yugi Mutou."

"Wait, Yugi Mutou?"  Shane paused.  "That's the Duel King. isn't it?"

"Yup.  I'm surprised you know about Duel Monsters."

Shane sighed.  "Before we get started, I don't believe any of those rumors that it was designed by aliens or that the cards are possessed by spirits or anything like that.  Now go on."

"For those of you that don't know-"

"I.E. those of you living under a rock."

"Thank you, Shane.  Duel Monsters is a collectible card game that has taken the world by storm, and the best duelists have risen in fame to be celebrities, such as Mutou Yugi, Kaiba Seto, Jonouchi Katsuya, and Kujaku Mai."

"Wait.  How come they're all Japanese?  I thought this game started in the United States."

"It's taken off in Japan.  But there is another reason why all of the most famous duelists are Japanese.  Two of the most high-profile tournaments were held in or near Japan."

"So Domino City.  Hometown of Kaiba, Mutou, and Jonouchi.  Also home to one Domino High School, which is arguably the worst high school in the world."

Okay but like

Aren't all high schools the worst

This high school...look

It was something

"High schools aren't created equal in awfulness," Ryan said, "and Domino High School had it all.  Even though Rintama, a nearby school, was known to be the one for gangsters, Domino High School had more bullies than a football team, ludicrous levels of violence that everyone just...got away with, including murder, and cartoonishly evil teachers.  I cannot overstate that last bit."

"I feel like I'm going to regret asking this," Shane looked at the camera, "but how bad was it?"

"We're gonna talk about the murdered student later," Ryan said, "but one of the teachers was named Ms. Chono.  She expelled fifteen students in six months.  Among the student body, she was called the Wicked Witch of Expel."

Are you kidding me?  The Wicked Witch of Expel?

Who came up with that?

Wheeze

No really like

Did she just really hate her students

If so, why become a goddamned teacher if you hate kids?

Why?

In what world does that make sense?

And who let her get away with that?  Doesn't someone have to check over expulsions?

Shouldn't somebody be like why the hell are you expelling so many students?

So basically

All the others teachers sucked too, she just sucked the most

And apparently the principal had a crush on her

And also she would go on dates just to reject men apparently

What?  Are you kidding me?

She's like a caricature of an evil teacher from a kid's show!

I did say cartoonishly evil teachers

"But it doesn't end there.  Time to get to the juicy bits."

"Again, all of the weird shit about to go down centers on Yugi Mutou.  One kid with dyed and spiked hair-"

"His hair could be an Unsolved episode on its own.  Yugi insists it's natural in every interview where he has been asked but I refuse to believe that."  Shane said.  A picture flashes across the screen.  "His hair is three colors!  Three!  Colors!"

"That's only the start of the weirdness," Ryan said seriously.  "He was also short, geeky, and into games and puzzles."

Or in other words

He had a target painted on his back for all bullies

A kick me sign.

One student described it as

If there was a bully within a short distance of Yugi

They would find him, specifically

And they would bully him

This apparently happened outside of school too

Of course it did

"Now according to what testimonies we have from Domino High students-I've asked Yugi Mutou's close friends and even the man himself about this, by the way."  Ryan said.  "All of them refused to answer questions about this in particular."

"And you think that's because they're hiding something rather than because they don't want to be on a show that will accuse them of murder or being aliens."

"It's suspicious!"  Ryan insisted.

"Sure it is."

Ryan frowned at his co-host.  "Moving on," Ryan said, "two of the first of his many, many bullies were Hiroto Honda and Jonouchi Katsuya."

"Wait, what?"  Shane frowned.  "Duelist Jonouchi Katsuya?  That Jonouchi?"

"Both of these two ended up becoming his best friends."

WAIT

So these guys like beat him up

Bully him

And then yugi is like haha

It's fine we're friends now.

According to domino high students

That is exactly what happened

"Most Domino High students were mystified at what they described as a sudden change in Jonouchi's behavior, though Honda was apparently more reluctant to befriend Yugi.  But this sudden change occurred at the same time as the first of our inexplicable events."

"And you think they're connected."

"I know they're connected."  Ryan cleared his throat.  "At Domino High, Tetsu Ushio was the hall monitor, known for his physical strength that intimidated pretty much everyone, including the teachers."

"I'd be more scared of his eyebrows."  Shane said.  "Those things are ginormous."  A picture of the man flashed across the screen and confirmed that his eyebrows were indeed giant.

"Ushio would find the kids that were bullied often and offer to help them out with their bullies."

"That sounds noble, but the way you say that…"

"He would then force the victims to pay for his services and then brutally beat them if they didn't pay up."

"I knew it.  And since this story is going oh so predictably...he tried it on Yugi, with the bullies being Jonouchi and Honda."

"Stop stealing my lines!  But yes.  What we know after this is...a lot more sketchy.  We know that Yugi ended up standing up for Jonouchi and Honda, cementing the beginnings of what would be a lifelong friendship.  We know that Yugi was beaten up for not paying.  But...and here's where the weirdness shows up."

"Finally.  Hit me."

"The next day after this at school, Ushio was found playing with garbage and dead tree leaves and calling them money."

Wait WHAT

Predictable NOW, shane?

Okay fine that was a turn I didn't expect

So he was hallucinating garbage to be money?

Wait if this was at school so did everyone just see him

Hoarding garbage or something

Like how would you even respond to that?

What do you mean?

So there's this terrifying bully and he's holding garbage

And he tells you it's money

And you're just like, yup!  It sure is money!

Please don't hurt me

wheeze

It probably happened that way

"Before we get to the theories, we have to go over some other incidents."

Shane leveled a stare at Ryan.  "Wasn't this just a psychotic break?"  Ryan shook his head.

"The incident with Ushio was only the beginning of the mysterious incidents that began to plague Domino High School.  After this, bullies at Domino High started going mad.  All of them in ways that seemed karmically designed to punish them."

"For instance, a TV director who filmed at Domino High and filmed Yugi getting bullied-the footage has his face censored out but not the hair so it's plainly obvious who it is-was blinded and sees nothing but digital mosaics, the same used in the film to censor Yugi's face."

"That could still be a coincidence."

Ryan pulls out a clipboard.  "Sozoji, bullied people into going to his music recitals that were described as being so painful and loud that one student was sick for three days afterwards.  Sozoji now hears his own heartbeat in his ears so loud he's practically deaf.  Then.."  Ryan's eyes fall on the next name on the list.

"Then, since we're going in chronological order-"

"We are?"

"Next comes the murdered kid."

"Oh.  Wait.  Are we accusing Yugi of murder?"

Ryan paused..  "Maybe?"

"Brilliant.  I look forward to getting sued."

"So the story of the murder begins with Domino High's school festival.  Yugi's class had pulled a popular spot out of the lottery, and then seniors, led by one Goro Inogashira, came, beat them up, and took the spot."

"And they didn't get punished for that?"

"See earlier note about getting away with murder."

"God, this high school really is the worst."

"The seniors who took over were making okonomiyaki, which is like a savory pancake.  It's been called Japanese pizza."  Ryan said, gesturing with his arms in a circle.

"And this is relevant how?"

"The seniors put the grill they were using for the okonomiyaki in the festival spot.  Traces of explosives and the senior classroom's leader's remains were later found on the grill."

"What the fuck."

"He was blown up with his own grill."

"I repeat.  What the fuck."

"The school festival continued."

Shane stared at Ryan.  Ryan was looking down at his notes.  Slowly Shane put his head down on the table.  "Tell me there's not more.  There is.  Isn't there."

"Altogether, there's about 13 incidents that we know of, two of them taking place during Duelist Kingdom.  Not at all of them are as firmly connected to Yugi as these though."

"Like what?"

"Well, Ms. Chono got hit with this and ran out of a classroom screaming.  A producer started insulting the audience on air while Jonouchi was competing on a competition show, resulting in the producers going bankrupt and being unable to pay the prize."

Wait so Jonouchi won

And then they went bankrupt

So he never got the prize

I feel bad for that guy

If it was Yugi who did it

I can just picture him

Rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly

Ooops, Jonouchi!

I didn't mean to cheat you out of-let me check

One million yen

wheeze

What's that in dollars?

About 95000 dollars

Shit

That's a pretty good payday

I would not have forgiven yugi for that

That's fair

"And a shop owner was poisoned with his pet scorpion."

"Wait, what's the connection for that last scene?"  Shane muttered into the table.

"The shop owner found some of his shoes missing afterwards, and while we don't have any direct links proving Yugi was at this scene, buuuut we do have the testimony of a Domino High School student, who stated the following…"

"Jonouchi bragged about those stupid Air Muscle shoes for days afterwards."

"Guess what shoes were missing?"

"Air Muscles."

"Got it."

"That is a really weak connection."

"It's possible!"  Ryan protested.  "But think about it Shane.  13 incidents in which people were...punished, for lack of a better word, in a karmic fashion that all relate back to one Yugi Mutou."

Shane opened his mouth.  Then closed it.  "And you have theories?"

"Oh yeah I have theories.  And none of them involve aliens for once."

"Theory One.  Yugi is our metaphorical Carrie."

"As in the Stephen King novel?"

"Think about it!  Outcast, bullied, then their enemies are killed or maimed or driven insane or what have you through inexplicable means."  Ryan crossed his arms.  "You can't tell me there aren't parallels there."

"Yes, but then Yugi would have to have psychic powers."  Shane said dryly.  "And psychic powers don't exist."

"Really?  Then what's your explanation?  They can't all have coincidental mental breakdowns.  Remember, Goro Inogashira was murdered.  With the traces of explosives on the scene, there's no way it was an accident."

"Yes, but you're forgetting one thing."  Shane said.  "Carrie did all of that on purpose because she was vindictive and spiteful.  Whereas Yugi is apparently Mr. My Best Friends Were My Bullies."

Ryan raised a finger before lowering it.  "He could have lost control of his powers."

"But if he'd lost control there'd be less signs of intent.  All of the punishments were designed-the extortionist hallucinated money, the TV producer mosaics, and the horrible singer was driven deaf by sound."  Shane says.  "That shows intent and purpose.  Not what you'd expect if somebody lost control.  And that still wouldn't explain Inogashira.  Explosives means he didn't blow a guy up with his mind."

Ryan nodded.  "The explosives were taken from a chemistry lab."

Shane stared at Ryan.  "They had explosives lying around?  God.  The question is why haven't more students been murdered."

"Anyways," Ryan said, "that's the first theory.  Theory Two ties in with my first and it is:Yugi had a second personality."

Shane stood up and started walking away.

"Wait!"  Ryan cried.  "I have evidence for this, I swear."  Shane walked back, a long-suffering look on his face.

"This better be good."

"So, Yugi Mutou is most famous for participating in the Duelist Kingdom and Battle City tournaments, which," Ryan added, "could both get an episode of their own.  Half of the finalists in Battle City were hospitalized.  In Duelist Kingdom...between Yugi's incidents, other murders on the island-"

Wait wait wait

Other murders???

Okay so

A total of about ten people were murdered at Duelist Kingdom by my count

…

TEN?!?!

Why haven't I heard about this before?

It was covered up by Industrial Illusions

Only one death was reported to the public

Maximilion Pegasus

His eye was ripped out

That sounds disgusting

If it helps it was his prosthetic eye

It actually does

So it's okay to rip someone's eye out as long as it's a fake eye?

Shut up

"Duelist Kingdom had ten casualties.  One of which was Maximilion Pegasus, who died after his match with Yugi Mutou.  Another was "Bandit" Keith Howard, who was found shot through the head.  It is possible that this was a suicide, since Keith was known to show symptoms of depression, but this cannot be confirmed.  No bullet was found at the scene of the crime, and so no guns can be reliably linked to the crime through rifling marks.  The other eight were found after the tournament had ended and information of their deaths were only released to the public four years after the tournament. Those duelists had been hanged on the island, and afterwards all attempts at investigation were stifled by Industrial Illusions."

"Also during Duelist Kingdom, there were two incidents with the previous M.O.  The first was a man who thought he was being controlled by a puppet.  The second was a man who hallucinated being hanged himself, suggesting that this was a karmic punishment for the murders he had committed.  He also later confessed to those crimes while he had been hospitalized for injuring himself."

So there were at least three murderers on this island

The guy hanging people

The guy driving people insane

And the guy ripping out people's eyes

And a maybe-suicide maybe-murder

This is just crazy.

We haven't even gotten to Seto Kaiba and his connection to Yugi

Or Battle City

Or

Look

A lot went down at Duel monsters tournaments

Why do people go there then?

Like stop going to duel monsters tournaments

Apparently if you make it to the finals you have a one-in-two chance of being hospitalized

Fame

Fortune

And you could just get off on it

Is that your theory Ryan?

People are like

Oh I could get murdered

Finally a game with high enough stakes to turn me on

Wheeze

It's possible

"Okay, but I was promised evidence of a split personality.  You haven't delivered."

"I'm getting there," Ryan said.  

"And how come more people haven't talked about this story?"  Shane asked.  "Three murderers at a single tournament?  Come on!"  Shane started muttering.

"Cover up."  Ryan deadpanned.  "What else could it be?"

Shane groaned.

"Also, this tournament...was fishy.  For one thing, half of the finalists hadn't even been invited to the tournament."

Shane's groans grew more pained-sounding.  "Of course they weren't," he muttered.

"Yugi invited Jonouchi along, and he placed second, with Yugi himself being first.  But I've spoken to some of the duelists at the tournament, who saw Yugi duel firsthand.  All of them state that Yugi was a completely different person when he dueled.  Take, for instance, Insector Haga's testimony, who reported that Yugi told him to 'Get off the island, insect, or I'll pull off your legs one by one!'  Which is to say the least, uncharacteristic of him."

Shane banged his head into the table.  "God help me, your theories are making sense to me.  Maybe I've been driven mad too."

"So yeah.  If Yugi had a split personality, he was apparently crueler than the original Yugi, and it's this personality that developed the powers and hurt those people."

Shane raised his head before slumping back onto the table.

"But that's not the last theory I have."  Ryan smiled.

"This is the most insane of them all, isn't it."

"Theory Three.  Yugi was possessed by a ghost."

"Of course we're going back to possession now."

Two images appeared on the screen.  One was of Yugi.  The second was of Yugi dueling.  "Yugi has red eyes when he duels."

It could be contact lenses

Red eyes

Come on

That's possession if I've ever seen it

Or it could be red contact lenses to go with his already weird taste

Like look at what he's wearing

He's wearing a fucking collar

He would absolutely wear red contact lenses

Okay probably

But this theory has more evidence going for it

Sure it does.  Even though ghosts don't exist.

You're in de-nile

Did you just-

Another image popped up onto the screen.  "This was an exhibit at the Domino City Museum on ancient Egypt, featuring exhibits about the reign of the Nameless Pharaoh.  Called that because we have no idea what his name is.  Notice anything-or should I say anyone-familiar?"

"That's Yugi Mutou's hair."  Shane said.  "I'd recognize those spikes anywhere.  And...that one facing him.  That's Seto Kaiba."

"And above them are the Dark Magician and the Blue-Eyes White Dragon."

"Wait, what?  I don't see a dragon.  Do you mean that clawed thing?"

"It's not very detailed, okay?  Go with it for now.  Those two are their favorite cards in Duel Monsters, the ones they are famous for using...and this is a 3000 year old tablet."

"Are we sure it's three thousand years old?"  Shane said.  "It could be a forgery.  I don't think carbon dating can be used on stone."

"It's been verified by several experts on ancient Egypt.  The one on the right was a pharaoh, and the other his high priest."

"And this relates to Yugi and Kaiba how?"

"Yugi is possessed by the ghost of the pharaoh, who delivers karmic justice because of the eye for an eye thing, and has magic powers because he's a ghost."  Ryan nodded, as if that made perfect sense.

It did not.

"That's the dumbest thing I ever heard."

"Look at the carving of the pharaoh again.  At his chest."

"The weird triangle thing?"

"Now look at the photo of Yugi Mutou.  That pyramid around his neck.  He only started wearing it at around the same time that the weird incidents started.  And according to Yugi and some other experts I spoke to it's a genuine Egyptian artifact."

Wait wait what.  

This guy wears gold around his neck? 

Isn't that super heavy?  

and stupid to carry around a priceless artifact like that?"

If it's cursed, I guess it'd be able to protect itself from thieves.

Except curses aren't real!

Then what's your explanation?

…

You don't have one, do you?

No

But that doesn't mean any of your crazy theories are right

Shane sighed and squeezed the bridge of his nose.  "Okay.  So.  All of what you said was completely batshit insane."

"But…"  Ryan prompted.

"But I can't say you're wrong."  Shane looked physically pained at having to say those words.  "I mean, the number of incidents means it can't be explained away as coincidence, there's no mundane explanation I can think of…"  Shane now looked like he was choking on a lemon.  "You might have a point."

"Yes!  And that has been recorded!  You can't deny you said it now, Shane."

"I said might, Ryan."

"Well, given that our best theory relies on psychic powers and Yugi and the others that would know aren't talking, we still have a lot of questions."

"Were these people driven mad by Yugi or someone else, purposefully or not?  Was Yugi haunted or did he want revenge for himself?  Who chose up the deaths of people in Duel Monster tournaments, and for what purpose?  Was it only to preserve a company's reputation, or was something more sinister at work?  And most importantly of all, is Yugi's hair dyed or not?  But despite all of our investigations, the people with answers have chosen to remain silent...and so this case remains unsolved."

[inctlife]

When did the nct dream members knew they wanted to marry their s/o and how did they propose?

i’m not going to write the proposal as i believe everyone has a different opinion on engagements/how they want their engagement to be

renjun

so basically changming was about four months old and you were in the kitchen, making renjun’s lunch for the day while changming was in this baby carrier thing thats attatched to your front

and renjun had just been having a shower but came down to say good morning (you were still asleep when he went into the bathroom) and he just say you dancing round the kitchen with his son giggling at you while you made his lunch and omg🥺🥺 renjun’s heart bURST he could not have been more in love

and just in his head, all he could think was ‘this is the woman i’m going to marry’

jeno

so jeno was in the gym lifting some weights and he lifted some kinda weird and something in back was in AGONY like he had to leave cause he was like sHIT i am in AGONY and he arrived home to you and was like ‘hello!!’

and you were like ‘my love !! welcome home !! ur early!!!’

but jeno was kinda limping and you were like ‘nOOO whAT HAPPENED’

and immediately helped him up to your bedroom and laid him down on his front and called the doctor and the doctor was like ‘probably just rest for a while’ and so you laid in bed next to him and just chatted for a while and you massaged it a bit when he needed it and brought him whatever he wanted and he just had this sudden realisation of

‘no one is every gonna love me this much’ ‘,, apart from my mum’

and he went to buy a ring with jaemin the next day :)

donghyuck

so you were pregnant with donghyuck’s baby

and at this point you were like,, pretty pregnant,, like 8-9 months about 34 weeks ?? like baby was ready to come out and you weren’t about to do much moving

and the two of you were staying at donghyuck’s mum’s house so she could be there whatever happened bc like,, she’s done this before,, she knows wtf is going on

so you’ve just woken up and you reach over to get your phone (with difficulty cause like... 9 months pregnant) and when you turn back over you see donghyuck still asleep !!

and you kinda smile because omg he’s so pretty :( you love him :(( and you started softly combing his hair and he’s like kinda awake but he 100% doesnt want to tell you

“thank you, duckie,” you whispered, “you’ve given me lots in life and i know you’re gonna be the best dad ever :((“

and donghyuck’s almost crying but he isnt about to break this act

“i’ve never told you but every time you speak she kicks so much ,, our little princess really loves you.”

and then donghyuck opens his eyes and you’re like oOOPS but he’s literally crying and he just puts his hand on your waist and kisses you and is like “i love you sm baby :(((“ and it’s just a love fest and donghyuck is more certain than anything ever before that he is going to marry you

jaemin

so it was the day after you had given birth to uju and you were still in the hospital

and the nurses had just taken uju off for a bath because they adored uju and jaemin’s mum was taking care of areum and hanuel so it was the first time in a WHILE that you and jaemin had time alone together

and you just looked at jaemin and started giggling and he was like ‘:D what’

and you had uncontrollable giggles but managed to spit out ‘we have three kids’

and jaemin smiled bc,, ur right it’s a bit fucking wild

and your laughter finally calmed down and you smiled and just said ‘and i couldnt ask for a better person to be my children’s dad’

and jaemin almost cried bc did you not know how much you and your kids meant to him anyway?? and he just grabbed your hand and was so stunned at himself by the lack of ring that he swore to himself he was gonna get himself in gear and just fucking marry you

i mean by this time he knew he was going to marry you anyway

chenle

so all the chinese members of nct were hanging out and along comes kun with his wife and tiny little baby xiaolian (she’s actually like 11 months) and immediately you and chenle are oBSESSED

after a while when xiaolian gets used to her settings,, kun lets her sit on your lap while you and chenle entertain her and lets just say she LOVES you

and at one point, she starts to cry but she also is very happy in your arms?? so kun’s wife is like ‘do you mind feeding her? i think thats what she wants’

and you’re like ‘no problem!!’ bc ?? it’s xiaolian? she’s adorable?

and so you kind of have her on your lap but so she’s facing you, her back resting on the table and you spoon mashed up banana and biscuits into her mouth in the most entertaining way possible

and she’s giggling and eating happily and even kun and his wife are like ‘damn she’s good with kids’ but chenle isn’t even listening bc omg he’s so in love with you??

and this whole time he just cant stop picturing your future together !! :(( he loves you!! and he tells you lots once you’ve handed xiaolian back to her parents

jisung

so you and jisung had just been to mark’s wedding and it was so emotional !!! it was so cute !!!

and the whole time mark’s wife was staring at mark with so much love in her eyes and mark was doing the same,, and you were sat across from jisung at the dinner table so it just ended up that as you watched everyone’s speeches, he couldn’t take his eyes off you

and you were laughing at johnny’s speech and wiping tears away when mark was speaking and there was just a twinkle in your eyes that almost made jisung cry

and when he and chenle went up to the drinks table today, standing there for a moment and watching their girlfriends dance with each other and jisung’s like ‘i’m gonna ask her to marry me’ and chenle’s smiling cause he’s thinking exactly the same thing about his girlfriend !!! bffs amirite

[loveisblindfanfictionbka]

Love Is Blind: Chapter Fourteen

Chris frowned as he received a message from the doorman that he had a guest downstairs. He saved the work he was doing on his laptop, grabbed his house keys and left to the front lobby. He tried to hide his shock as he saw Robyn standing by the front desk. He walked over to her, “Robyn. What are you doing here?”

“I figured a few weeks was long enough for us to figure ourselves out. Can we talk?”

“Sure. You could’ve just come upstairs.”

“I’d figured I’d save myself the walk if you didn’t want me here.”

“Why would I not want you here?”

Robyn shrugged as she made her way onto the elevator. Chris followed behind her then pressed the button for his floor.

“Did you think I was mad at you or something?”

“Or something.”

Chris chuckled. Within a few moments they were inside his condo, “hungry? Thirsty?”

“No, I ate before I came.”

“You really came to get down to business, huh?” Chris replied as he sat down on the couch across from her, “what do we need to talk about?”

“Everything you said when you were last at my house was right. And in hindsight, I’ve been very unfair and selfish towards you.”

“Robyn, I don’t think-”

“Please let me finish. I didn’t want to be in love with you even before I knew you  were you. I didn’t want to still love you long before we ran into each other again. And I’m so frustrated that I can’t stop it. I can’t stop being happy when I see you. I can’t stop being happy when you call or come around. I can’t stop being happy having Anesa hug me or fall asleep in my lap. I want it to stop but I can’t help it. You’re right that I don’t want something serious but it's not because I don’t trust you. I don’t trust myself. I don’t trust myself to be strong enough to handle who you’ve become. You’re brash and honest and open and it makes me feel so damn inadequate. We’ve joked and you’ve been concerned that you’ve ruined me for somebody else but you really ruined me for you. Loving you and losing you broke me. It happening again is going to kill me and I don’t want to do that to you or to myself. I carry this weight of not feeling good enough, of not being strong enough. I don’t want to send you backwards. I don’t want to go backwards. I know that at some point, you’d leave and you’d be ok with that but I won’t.”

“I appreciate you telling me this but what does this change for our situation?”

“I don’t know. I don’t have all the answers.”

“Sweetheart, that’s all I needed to hear. If you don’t have all the answers, why are you asking all the questions? There are some things that we cannot control. You don’t think I worry about you eventually walking out on me. You don’t think I worry about going backwards emotionally. You literally take my breath away from me. These past few weeks have been immeasurably difficult to live without you but I’m not gonna force anything on you for the sake of my wellbeing. I want us to compromise and figure this out together. I want to be able to have uncomfortable conversations with you without fear of shutting down or us shutting each other out. We have a history, it's not going anywhere but we dictate what our future is going to be.”

“So what do you want from me, Christopher?”

“I want you to be ok with loving me. With being happy when you see me. With wanting to be a great mother to my daughter. I want you to feel adequate and enough. I can tell you, you are as much as I want but if you don't believe, what good will that do.”

“I can agree to that.”

“And what do you want from me, Robyn?”

“I just want you here.”

“That’s it?”

“That’s it.”

“I can agree to that.”

“So what do we do now?”

“How about I start working on dinner for us and you help me?”

“What are we making?”

“Let’s check to see what we got.”

Chris held out his hand for Robyn to take as they both stood up to go towards the kitchen. Robyn stopped part of the way and pulled Chris towards her.

“Something wrong, Baby?”

“No. I just- thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me. I really didn’t do anything.”

“I do have to thank you. Really.”

“Why?”

“I’ll tell you later.”

Chris chuckled as he pulled her into a hug. He kissed her temple as he rubbed his hand along her back, “I love you, Robyn.”

“I love you too.”

                                            ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Daddy! Daddy! Mommy’s here,” Anesa yelled as she looked through the front window. Chris got up from his seat on the couch and opened the front door just as Robyn went to stick her key in the lock. Anesa ran over and hugged her legs.

“Hey Love! How’s my girl?”

“I’m good. I missed you.”

“I missed you too, Sweets. You gotta let Mommy get into the house though.”

“Ooops, Sorry.”

Robyn giggled, “it’s ok.”

She turned to Chris and pecked his lips, “Hey Babe.”

“Hey. I thought you weren’t coming by until later.”

“My appointment finished up early so I figured I’d head this way now instead of wait.”

“Cool. Dinner isn’t quite finished yet.”

“That’s fine. I’ll just play around with Anesa until you’re done. Do you need me to help with anything?”

“Nope. I got it.”

“Ok. Come on Nesa Boo. Let’s find something to do until Daddy’s finished with dinner.”

Anesa grabbed Robyn’s hand and they left to the back of the house.

Chris smiled as he walked back to the kitchen. If you had told him six months ago, that Robyn would be back in his life, he would have thought he needed to be back in the hospital. Not only for her to be back around but to be exclusively in a relationship was really blowing his mind. It had only been a few weeks since she agreed to officially get back together but it had been long enough for him to realize he wanted to go all in with her again. The first time around may color how she sees marriage with him but he wanted to use as much time as he could to change her mind. It took a while to get used to Anesa calling her Mommy but she warmed up to it so maybe it’d work the same way for them planning a future together. Again.

“Christopher,” Robyn said in a sing-song voice as she walked into the kitchen, “you ok in here?”

“I’m good, Babe. You ok?”

“I’m great. Can I talk to you for a second?”

“Sure.”

“Did you say anything around Anesa about me moving in here?”

“No. Why? Did she say something to you?”

“Not in a direct way but she started talking about me being here with her when the social worker comes over.”

“Oh. Wow. Well I mentioned to her social worker that I was in a relationship during one of her visits but I made sure she was aware that you didn’t live here. I’m not sure why Anesa would say something like that.”

“Maybe we should talk about this Mommy thing, I think she’s taking it much more serious than we anticipated. I know we talked to her about it and that our relationship doesn’t mean marriage but I don’t think she’s old enough to understand what we do mean.”

“If the Mommy thing is making you uncomfortable, I have no problem dialing it back but as for anything else, I don’t think she’s really understanding what we mean no matter how many ways I explain it to her.”

“I’m not uncomfortable. I was serious about wanting to be a part of her life regardless of how we work out, I just don’t want it to give her the wrong idea.”

“Duly noted. I’ll talk to her tonight. Did you want wine or anything to drink with dinner?”

“No, I think water would be best.”

“Is something wrong?”

“I’ve just had these really weird dizzy moments and I don’t want to exacerbate them by drinking alcohol.”

“Have you been to the doctor?”

“Yea, I’m waiting on some test results to come back so I’ve just been being careful.”

“Why didn’t you tell me earlier? I would’ve brought dinner to you instead of having you drive up here.”

“It’s fine. They happen sporadically so I’m good. What you make for dinner?”

“Roasted cornish hens, baked potatoes and broccoli with cheese sauce. Are you ok to eat that?”

“Yea, that’s good. Sounds amazing.”

“Thanks. You know I’m gonna have you stay here and drive you back to the city myself, right?”

“For your tone after I said the word dizzy, the idea crossed my mind.”

Chris chuckled, “you sure you ok?”

Robyn nodded her head as Chris walked over to her and cupped her face, “why you looking at me like that.”

“I love you.”

“I know.”

Chris chuckled and shook his head, “you’re making me worry about you, you know.”

“I don’t want you to worry about me because there’s nothing to be worried about. That’s why I didn’t want to tell you about the dizzy thing.”

“See you can’t say stuff like that and not expect me to worry about, Robyn.”

Robyn smiled before she leaned up and kissed his lips, “Trust me, I am fine. If it is anything serious, I will let you know.”

“You promise?

“Baby, I promise.”

“Can I have another kiss?”

“You have as many as you want.”

Chris smiled then pecked her lips several times in succession, “I am so gonna enjoy you staying with us this weekend.”

“I can’t stay for the whole weekend.”

“Why?”

“I got people coming to my house.”

“Aww...you can’t cancel?”

“Nope, they are coming in from out of town.”

“Is it your family?”

“Yes and no.”

“And what does that mean?”

“Some of my relatives are coming but most of the people coming are colleagues. It’s a fundraising mixer for my shelter.

“Oh ok.”

“You sound disappointed.”

“No, it’s not that. I just wanted you to be able to stay longer, that’s all.”

“You’re welcome to come if you want.”

“Nah, I won’t have anyone to watch Anesa. It’s fine.”

Chris moved towards the stove and Robyn felt this chill come over the room.

“Chris, are you upset with me?”

“What? No. Why would I be?”

“I don’t know. I just feel like I offended you for some reason.”

“It’s nothing. You ready to eat?”

“I’m ready for you to talk to me. Chris, look at me.”

Chris turned around and leaned against the counter beside the stove, “there’s really nothing to discuss.”

“I hurt your feelings or something. I can see it in your eyes. Baby, talk to me.”

“Why didn’t you tell me about the event before?”

“Because it’s a work thing so I wasn’t even thinking about it like that. I do this every year since I opened the shelter. Why is it bothering you so much?”

“It feels like we’re a secret sometimes.”

“Why do you feel like that? My family knows we’re together. My friends know. We spend all our time together. What makes this feel like a secret?”

“People knowing and us actually being a couple around them are two completely separate things.”

“Chris, if my family was here, we’d be at their house for Sunday dinner and parties like we used to be but that’s not the case. It's not like my parents are here and I’m just keeping you away from them.”

“I understand that.”

“Sweetie, you have their contact information, you can speak with them at any time. You do not need me to play go-between. It’s not like they hate you or anything.”

“I guess.”

“Is that what it is? You’re afraid to reach out to them?”

“Robyn.”

“Chris, the questions will be asked at some point especially if we continue becoming more serious. We were married before, we can’t avoid it.”

“I’m not trying to.”

“So what is it? Do you really need me there as a buffer?”

“No but I would like for us to be together as a unit.”

“What makes us not a unit? We’re always together. Chris, what is it you really want from me?”

“Forever.”

“You want to get married again? So soon?”

“It’s not soon for me. We’re not completely starting from square one. I’ve never denied being in love with you and wanting you to be a part of my life. I know it’s only been a few weeks since you told me that you loved me but I don't wanna waste any more time with this.”

“What’s the rush? I’m not going anywhere. You’re not going anywhere. Why can’t we just enjoy the exclusivity for now?”

“We are enjoying it.”

“So what is the problem? Are you afraid I’m gonna walk away at some point? Marriage isn’t gonna assuage the fear and we both know that better than anybody. I committed to being with you again. I committed to being in love with you. I committed to moving forward but I cannot make you do the same. I cannot pretend that taking this slow isn’t the best way for us because I believe it is. The novelty has worn off. Reality has settled in and we have to get comfortable with who we are before we can really start talking about who we wanna be. I spent over ten years getting to know the old you. I deserve more than a few months to learn the new you as well. That’s only fair.”

“You’re right.”

“I am not saying that I would never marry you but I just want the space to get there on my own.”

“Which is only right. My apologies.”

“Maybe we shouldn’t do this as much anymore.”

“What?”

“The staying over at each other’s houses and stuff. I feel like I’m giving you the wrong impression.”

“It’s nothing that you’re doing. It’s just me getting ahead of myself, that’s all. I know where you stand on the issue and I’ll adjust accordingly. No harm. No foul.”

“Chris, I don’t want to hold yourself back from what you want to do.”

“I have no interest in ever marrying anyone except for you so I will wait as long as you want.”

“Don’t say things like that.”

“Why?”

“Because I can’t pretend to be mad at you when you do.”

Chris laughed, “why would you want to be mad at me?”

“Because you weren’t being honest with me. I usually don’t have to dig for you to tell me what you’re feeling. I don’t like that.”

“You are correct. And I do apologize. I just didn’t want to freak you out which apparently didn’t work anyway.”

Robyn chuckled, “is dinner ready yet?”

“Yea. Can you get Anesa?”

“Sure. You sure you’re ok?”

“Yea, I’m good.”

Robyn’s brow furrowed as she walked over to him, gently cradled his chin and kissed him deeply. She pulled back and gave him two pecks before smiling up at him, “better?”

“Definitely better.”

Robyn laughed as she left out of the kitchen.

Chris pulled on his pajama pants and sat on the side of the bed just as Robyn walked out of the bathroom with her towel wrapped around her. She carefully dried off her skin, set the towel aside then started to put on lotion. As she rubbed her hands across her belly, Chris noticed something odd.

“Robyn?”

“Yea Babe?” She replied as she clasped the front of her bra closed.

“You said earlier that you’ve felt dizzy and stuff.”

“Yea? What about it?”

“Are you pregnant?”

“What? Why would you ask me that?”

Chris walked over to her and took her to stand in front of the mirror, “I have very limited knowledge of this but look.”

Robyn looked and even twisted her body around then turned to Chris, “I don’t know what you’re seeing but I don’t see anything. What makes you think I’m pregnant?”

“Your skin just looks very taunt over your belly, it doesn’t look like it normally does and you haven’t lost any weight or gained any added muscle in that area.”

“Chris, what are you saying?”

“Your stomach looks hard.”

“Does it feel hard?”

Chris carefully ran his palm across her belly and nodded, “yes, it does.”

“It doesn’t feel any different to me.”

“Did the doctor give you a pregnancy test?”

“Well no. They don’t normally do that for signs of vertigo besides we are sparingly sexually active and we use condoms every time. I had no reason to suspect pregnancy. Also I’m over 40 years old.”

“That doesn’t really mean as much as it used to.”

“You think I should get a pregnancy test?”

“I really do.”

Robyn sighed, “well if you think so, I’ll have my doctor give me one at my next appointment.”

“When is that?”

“It’s next week.”

“You think you’ll be ok until then?”

“Yea. There’s nothing really to be concerned about. I haven’t been drinking. I don’t smoke or anything else harmful so I’ll be fine until then.”

“Would you like me to come with you?”

“That’s sweet but not necessary.”

“I feel like I should.”

“I really don’t want to make this a big deal until it has to be.”

“Are you ok if you are?”

“Sure. I don’t have anything against having children. I just rather not get too far ahead of myself. With my age and everything, there could be a lot of things wrong with these symptoms. I can handle it.”

“You sure you don’t want me to go with you?”

“I’m very sure. I will call afterwards and we’ll talk but I’d rather do it by myself.”

“Ok.”

[daylightsun]

What I Learn from Years of Reading and Collecting Books and Letting Some of Them Go

These past few days, I "KonMari" my room and decided to rearrange my bookshelves. While sorting out all of my belongings, I discovered a box filled with books I manically collected during my college years sitting underneath my bed. After opening it, the books seem to be staring at me while I stare back at them like we are having a confrontation of sorts. For a moment, it made me reflect on my life as a reader and book collector, and this sense of nostalgia hit me.

After snapping out of this nostalgic state, the fact remains that my shelf space and room space are precious and limited, and I only want to fill my life with things that “spark joy” within me. I need to decide which books would stay and which would eventually go to the bin. So in honor of literature month and the books I am about to throw away, I would like to write some piece to honor my journey as a reader and book collector.

Starting Years as a Reader and Book Collector

My fascination with books started early in my childhood. I remember holding my small hardbound fairytale books, a book set with stories like Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs and Three Little Pigs. But it was the illustrations at first that engrossed me. It's like my eyes can't get enough of the colors and drawings. I look at them again and again, committing them in my memory. Then there was my childhood best friend Grimm's book of fairytales. The book was enormous and heavy. It contained more words and the occasional one to two pages of illustrations, like the naked butt of the king in The Emperor's New Clothes, the candy house of the witch in Hansel, and Gretel other beautiful illustrations inside that book.

However, it is in my teenage years that I started to enjoy reading literature, and book reports ignite my interest in book collecting. Books like Ella Enchanted, The Little Prince, and Thieves of Ostia were carried inside our classroom boxes after boxes. A sheer excitement overcame me, forgetting the fear I felt days before asking for extra money to buy something outside the average family expenses, even if it is for school requirements.

I did not grow up in an environment that encourages me to read books outside the typical academic obligations. It is usual for Southeast Asian households to be thrifty, so buying books for leisure is a luxury. Moreover, since it does not involve cleaning and moving around the house, reading for my parents is a lazy activity. Not to mention what damage it can do to your eyesight, they would add. However, I continued to read in secret and went against the general expectations.

I have read Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince while holding a flashlight while everyone in the house is sleeping at night so no one could scold me. I read with my friends at school. We exchanged novels, particularly stories about young adults. I bought my first novel, L. Montgomery's Anne of Green Gables, in a book fair inside my school using my savings. And even after my childhood best friend, who was four years older than me, went away to college, I marched to their house and borrowed books from her mother like Louisa Alcott's Little Women.

Reading helped me to cope with my deep-seated feeling of isolation and loneliness because of being an adopted child. I found out pieces of the truth through indirect hints and silent whispers between adults and childish banter between cousins. So I was left alone on my own devices to understand and stitch the truth. But in reading, I started to find solace and identity with the people I meet in stories. Books became for me houses I visit to explore and get to know the people living inside. And sometimes, I leave too early out of boredom or just out of an inability to comprehend the house. But sometimes, even after the visit, a piece of my heart stayed inside those pages. When I read, I have companions, and when I buy a book, I have something of my own.

Moreover, in books, I found girls like me, like Anne in Anne of Green Gables or Mary in The Secret Garden. Orphaned and neglected at a very young age and adopted, they were able to find acceptance and love. In those stories, they eventually mattered and belonged to the people around them. And in my heart, I wanted the same assurance these characters have that I am going to be OK despite my "oddness."

Not encouraged to read, buy books for my leisure, and being an adopted child in her young adolescent years made me want to form a personal path of rebellion. I decided to be a bookworm and persist in reading and building my book collection even if I am discouraged! Talk about being brave and revolutionary. Though I developed a deep affection for reading and books by this time, this "rebellious" way serves another personal purpose, and that is instead of being single out because ofbeing an adopted child, I can be single out because of my "bookish-ness." This identity gave me a powerful feeling of being significantly different from the crowd. I am somehow special but without the burden and constantly feeling the need to fight the pity of the people around me.

College Years

When I went to college, I develop an unhealthy impulse of excessively buying booksbut not reading them. There is a Japanese term for this impulsive behavior called "tsundoku." My obsession with buying books can be attributed to two main culprits. First, I started to attend and participate actively in church, and second, the store Book Sale.

In our church, we have a statement I wrote in the tablet of my heart with great faithfulness and love. It goes this way "Great leaders read books," which is a remarkable statement unless someone went overboard with trying to read books by purchasing them. This someone is, of course, is me. Ooops.

On multiple days within a week, I would visit and sit on the SM Baguio's Book Salefloor, hunting and obsessing over books. I would gladly move stacks upon stacks of books desperately looking for a purchase treasure. And most of us know, books are sold at Book Sale at a meager price. It became a standard for me to go home to my boarding house with three to five books. And oh boy, the stacks of books in my room just grew and grew. By the end of my seven years in college, the heaviest of my baggage is the one enormous box where I managed to fit all the books I have acquired.

Even though my college years were a time of my compulsive and unhealthy behaviors in reading and book buying, these were also the years I familiarized myself with what types of storytelling I would enjoy and who are my favorite authors. Neil Gaiman and Haruki Murakami cast their spell on me, and I would read again and again stories like The Little Prince, Memoirs of A Geisha, and The Last Time I Saw Mother.

But what I am most thankful for reading around this time is the opportunity it gave me to connect to other people through knowledge sharing. When I read an excellent book that gave me a lot of insight, there is an internal urge to pass it to someone else or talk about it with a friend. So I either talk about it or give the book. Giving that well-written book will sting a bit. Still, the disappointment of not having someone to undergo the experience of reading it is more painful than letting it go because I've discovered that there are types of books that cannot stay only in one pair of hands but have to travel to the next pair to be held and read. Some stories and books are personal to me, and they will stay on my shelves as long as they can, but there is another type of book that the knowledge they contain needs to be passed on and shared.

Working Years

Buying books using the allowance from your parents are far easier than using your own hard-earned money. Being a young professional and just started to manage my finances made the reality of my unhealthy addiction hit hard. I can not longer afford to go to book shops without thoroughly thinking if the book I am picking is something I should buy. "Adulting" has forced maturity in me.

Putting some healthy breaks on my general attitude towards reading and book collecting is just one part of the exciting times ahead of me as a bibliophile. Going back to my hometown and having more personal freedom have opened the doors to uncharted territories. As a reader and book collector, I've been officially and finally introduced to book fairs and Philippine Literature.

When I talk about book fairs that I participate in this time, these are the mega fairs that involve many publishing houses. Book fairs with book launching, book signing, live-reading, and writers' meet and greet events. The Manila International Book Fair (MIBF) and Big Bad Wolf are an example of these fairs. The experience was exhilarating and magical, and I would like to think that every reader and book collector would agree that book fairs are sort of heaven or nirvana on earth.

But so far, the greatest book fair I get to experience must also be the most challenging endeavor I undertook professionally, the Frankfurt Book Fair 2019. Imanaged to be a part of the team that organized the delegation that represented the Philippines in the largest international book fair. FBF is annually held during October in Frankfurt, Germany, with participants worldwide and boost to be the most extensive platform for digital and printed content. So even though I did not personally go to Frankfurt, being part of this massive event as a production assistant and being part of the early planning stages to post-prod was a dream come true. Seeing over 500 books published by the leading publishing houses in the country and written by Filipino authors showcased in the entire world in a beautifully designed stand made me very happy and proud.

Working in a government agency that primarily serves the Philippine publishing industry also gave me a closer look into the local literature. Unfortunately, I did not grow up reading books written by Filipino writers. Aside from the usual piece of local literature my Filipino textbooks in high school and college courses offered, Philippine literature did not become part of my early reading and book collection. But my ignorance of Filipino authors and literature ended when  I worked at NBDB and when a friend lent me Philippine literature books. As I started to read the literary works of Eliza Victoria, Nick Joaquin, Luis Joaquin M. Katigbak, and other amazing Filipino authors, I felt both shame and relief. I finally got to experience my national consciousness and Filipino identity through literature by Filipino authors for Filipinos.

But my bad habits in college still are present and had managed to erode my psyche. Surrounded by so many book-related things, I got back to the same dangerous pattern. I acquired more books but have no diligence and genuine interest in reading. In the process, I become a hoarder like the Businessman from The Little Prince, who cannot stop owning and counting every star he sees in the sky but never understood its value. After all, what is a book without its reader?

And as a result, something bad happened. The words in the pages started to leave me, I slowly lost the ability to build worlds in my head, and my insatiable thirst for knowledge had dwindled. Then one day, I lost all of my interest in books. For one and a half years, I would not touch any books on my bookshelves and stop actively reading and looking for books to buy. I had enough.

                                                           *** Going back to the present time and Marie Kondo, she mentioned in her best-selling book, The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up (and yes, I have the book), that the KonMari method encourages only to keep around thirty books. Thirty books seem to be awfully few, and how can a person who loves reading and collecting books find the courage to let go.

But as the book explained, you need to ask oneself the fundamental question of the KonMari method, "does this spark joy?". Does this book spark joy? Have I read this, and if I happened to have, does it aroused my intellect? And I have asked these hard questions to every book in my belongings.

It is almost four years after my time at the university. I am currently in a work-from-home setup which is a very fortunate situation while in the middle of a global pandemic. And yes, I am about to throw books, a lot of them, which you might think is a waste, but deep down, I know I will never reread these, nor will I ever start to read them again.

Honestly, I cannot remember the exact day I pick up a book on my shelf and read again, nor the reason behind it. But having the courage to declutter and purge my book collection, I realized a few months ago that I started again to read and purchase books, but this time there is an effort to be mindful with every reading and purchase made. This subtle change in behavior gave my reading and collecting a better sense of purpose and direction.

My life is composed of limited time, meaning I can only read books that much. But I've been in a relationship with books for many years now. Collecting books became a form of personal art, and reading stories helped me become a better person. It healed me, became a catalyst to learn a couple of life lessons, and taught me to give. And I do not see myself stopping at any point in my life. So might as well keep and read books that only truly capture my spirit, challenges me, and, if I was lucky, changes me. Because that is the thing about it, books are powerful.

[spikeymarshmallows]

in which there is a little bit of healing

Standard trigger stuff for Spikey’s mental illness, but this is a happier post, rather than a “spikey is falling apart rn” post.

So I just got home from spending.... 6+ hours with high school friends. These two girls... we fell out of touch for a few years. One on bad terms. The other... just changes. The one on bad terms was someone I regularly had dreams about apologising to, and the dreams only stopped once I apologised.

Now, note: I was in the wrong. She was extremely uncomfortable hearing about sex, and teenage!Spikey thought that was stupid, so would deliberately talk about it, and when she asked me to stop, kept doing it. I thought it was ~funny~. So like, not being all "owo, she was mad at me, but it was wrong :((((". No no, I fucked up. And I did it constantly for five years. SO. FAIR. Someone violates your boundaries constantly? Yeah, you totally have the right to tell them to never contact you again.

Anyway, I apologised to her about three years ago, maybe three months before I left to the USA. She was like "nah man, it's all good, we were just idiot teens. Wanna catch up for drinks with me and the other girls?". And so we all went out and had drinks. It was lovely. She and I have loosely kept in touch since. And today, I saw her and the other friend again.

These two girls were really instrumental in my teens. I had a few other friends.... very VERY intense friendships that uh. Didn't end overly well either. But E and C.... These two. Were my best friends, in many ways.

Now, darker shit.

I was a horrible teenager.

Again, not just "ooo, I was so bad". No no, I genuinely really put these people through the wringer... My mental health spiralled in a very traumatic and public way.

And E and C visited me in hospital. E's Mom--who was a single Mom, and had E when she was 19--let me stay with them for about two weeks when I was 13, to get away from my house.

And uh. I ended up in hospital a few times. E and her Mom visited every time. C visited the first time too. E and I were less close as high school went on, but... still. A special person. Then the falling out. And today. Well, we touched on things.

....And it was really.... It was healing. It came up naturally, but I was like "jeeze, I was fucking horrible, I'm so sorry for what a horrible person I was at those times".

And E, in particular, was like "nah, you can't control your mental health". And.... in the car on the way home, I nearly cried with how much catharsis it gave me. Because I feel immeasurably guilty about the person I was during these darker times in my life. I know how traumatic and upsetting it was for everyone around me. And to know... that they didn't hold it against me.

It doesn't erase the trauma.... It doesn't. And I say "it's an explanation, not an excuse for how I behaved"....

But like. To know that they... that they don't view what I did as something evil or horrible inside me. They know it was my mental illness, not me. I.... 

I have carried this horrible weight about it for years. And I always will. And I think it's important that I do, to an extent. To make sure I never let things get that bad again. But. IDK. It was just such a simple "nah, it's okay man, it was your mental illness, not you".

Ooops. I'm actually kinda crying as I type this. I think the last time I cried was when I was packing in the USA lol. Just. They don't hold it against me  What good people.  

[[Also, I mentioned getting the bipolar Dx and... I was all "lol, disappointed but not surprised" and I laughed and said "I bet you're both like 'OH. GEE. WHAT A SHOCK /s'" and E was all "hey, c'mon, we put the surprised faces on!!" and like. Yeah. XD]]

So... I don’t know if I’m articulating this correctly. But.... Just. A weight off.