#*delusional voice* the entire thing is actually a metaphor for coming out and can and should be queered

[realbeefman]

fist fight charlie day is deeply overhated it is AMUSING. does charlie day being beat to bits by ice cube mean nothing to you people? does nobody care about campbell's strained relationship with his wife or his and strickland's mutual desperate love for the job or homoerotic violence as the only acceptable hypermasculine expression of true passion???

[enbee-ai]

season one, part two; episodes nine through twelve

part 9 "the boat"

strangers to friends to enemies to begrudging teammates to friends again to... i shan't say

EYES ON THE WALLS????

"i think something is watching us" what, other than the hundreds of drawings of eyes covering the walls and floor?

eyes? gouged out? where have i heard that one before

all queer horror podcasts know is the bone deep fear of being watched, those bloody eyes, and lie

is this a queer podcast??? am i being delusional? i just kind of assumed it was considering the kind of media this is and who it's popular with

"it doesn't matter what i say arthur, we both know you're going to pull it out"

being stuck in his body is the fastest, most efficient way to grow to care about the man you're forced to work with to save the world

us...

"i may not be seeing your way of thinking, arthur, but i do see you.

(i see the way your mind works)"

i'll maybe elaborate later

is john killing peter the thing i thought john was hiding from arthur? perhaps, however i'm not entirely convinced that is everything there is to it

"i feel that warmth within you" ohh well

the scorpion, the frog, and their nature :/ might this be foreshadowing (IT WAS)

metaphor for I WONT KILL YOU, ARTHUR (FUCK PAST ME)

a man thorn in half, nice

there's something moving in his mouth... white worms crawling... ok

he's not wearing his uniform anymore? is the officer butt naked?????

ah no he's wearing a diving suit

"i'm scared— the dark world..." "i'll meet you there, friend" (FUCK YOU)

is this turning into tentacle porn, just like in taz

"just, let it go. you are not alone" :(((

"don't start coming loose on me now" "i won't" (MIDDLE FINGER)

the voice arthur heard calling him from the dark world sounding like john's could mean a number of different things (FUCK ME)

DAUGHTER? (YEAH)

part 10 "the hotel"

is arthur not remembering emily just a way to reintroduce her in the story and remind the listeners of that plot point or is there an in fiction reason, and is it the same reason why he seems to have forgotten eddy twice already? is it guilt or is his mind slipping from this reality?

whiiich is perhaps why arthur was so hung up on that baby they found, and why he wanted john to describe her for him (i'm referring to the daughter reveal. fuck this version of past me also)

hello master?

anyway i was so wrong about the head. i'm so upset, i knew it had to be plot relevant but i had such a strong gut feeling!!

it's interesting that john can't hear her, and that he fears her so much

its about time you got excited about something??? JOHN :))) that's so lovely

i feel like it is about time i say that i imagine arthur as a classic PI in a beige a detective coat and a black hat, while john's metaphorically and metaphysically got his feet on arthur's shoulders and he's folded on himself so he can talk to him directly in arthur's ear. do you see my vision

john wants to get to know arthur better 🥰 (arthur is yelling at him)

part 11 "the sect"

butt naked king in yellow

sorry right that's not the king in yellow, but it would've been funny. butt naked pallid mask guy

i'm still convinced the yellow king is actually john (FUCK YOU)

they got to the mask guy themselves, they walked in his liar, oh my god, why does he have a suitcase? was he following them? did he anticipate their moves this far into the future, from when they first met in episode one? just like that? all the way from arkham?

*dice sounds* there's a business card

DONT GO LIMP ON ME NOW

IT SOUNDS SO BAD. LIKE I GET WHAT HE MEANS BUT IT SOUNDS SO BAD

them moving the mask guy's body reminds me that we still haven't had the answer as to why john killed peter in the first place

what the fuck (<– guy who just got to the part were arthur pretends to be the dead mask guy and the other cultists ask him those fucking questions)

ARTHUR. WHAT A FUCKING GENIUS (<– guy who just listened to arthur put the mask on too try and see if something appears on the empty sheets of, mhm, flesh)

the cultists are running a dnd campaign...? (WELL)

john??? calling arthur a sheep???

"way to be your own person" sjsjs (WITH WHAT AUDACITY)

ALL HORROR PODCASTS KNOW IS SPIDERS AND LIE

what's he hidingggggg "more things" what do you remember that you're not telling him

after all he's trying to protect arthur, telling him not to trust him, that he could get the chance to take as body and that he isn't sure he wouldn't (FUCK HIM FUCK THEM AND FUCK ME. YEP. GOOD FUCKING PODCAST BUT AT WHAT COST)

(rereading the shit in these notes is so painful. past alice you were so naïve)

part 12 "the end"

*laughs evily* why's john evil

italian hand gesture 🤌🏻, sorry i had pizza for dinner

are killan talking about the dream world in a psychiatric hospital and arthur being in one while he himself was in the dream world two related facts, somehow?

you're not alone, for what it's worth :) (🖕🏻) (<– it's a miffed finger emoji btw)

it's interesting to note that out of all the podcasts with a focus on eye imagery (tma, wtnv, tpp kind of, taz with john hunger) this is the first time mirrors are getting a central role as well, that i know of. malevolent seems to be both about others seeing your perspective, seeing you, AND seeing yourself as much as it is about being watched, followed and known by something which is unknown to you (as in the case of the cultists, and particularly the specific questions they asked arthur)

still, i'm not entirely sure this take of mine is worth anything, maybe i'm wildly misinterpreting

also tunnels and underground caves and basements and the dark. what's up with that (WHATS UP WITH THAT HUH)

oh! and laundry shutes

oh shit the ancient elevator only goes down

at least we know now what that hotel was for! a win for the gays today (A HUNDRED THOUSAND LOSSES FOR THE GAYS TODAY)

what if i didn't want to see the secret tho. have you thought about that

is it a good time to say that i'm scared of elevators?

GOD through the ceiling of a huge cavern nonono please no

A CITY ! OH ! AN UNDERGROUND CITY ! why does that sound familiar, have i read something about it before? this is FASCINATING

is this were the masked cultists went? how do they get out?

the elevator looks broken. i see

we are home? what do you mean

a reminder, somewhat, of the dark world perhaps? is this a place in between?

the eyes are unmoving. they follow us. they're waiting for us.

"john don't break on me now. i need you" nice (👎🏻 THUMB DOWN)

so much water so many boats!! what does it mean! is it because water reflects, does it tie in with the mirror motif?

and the unknown, of course. there are creatures living in the water (<– guy who's about to find out there are creatures in the water, and is in for a surprise)

why are you touching it what the fuck what the fuck (<– guy who doesn't know yet)

"tell me if we see something in the water" we

all of these audio dramas about the horror of eyes and yet they're all so incredibly unique <3 it really is true that everything's been already done, but never by you <3

good call!! get those hands outta the fucking larvae swarm infested waters

IT'S IN HIS ARM IN HIS FLESH WHAT THE FUCK

ALL PODCASTS KNOW IS WORMS AND LIE

the eyes of a creature slowly following them just above the surface of the water... themes and motifs

*monstrous amphibian creature attaches its stomach to arthur's* is this a good time to appreciate john referring to parts of arthur's body as "our"? (bad bad no good very bad but also foreshadowing. i guess)

the creature was draining blood from him? is this connected to the cult taking a sample of his blood, too? does the test they were talking about have anything to do with this creature, or is it quite unrelated?

"our stomach is bleeding quite a bit" our stomach

the peak truly of codependent homoeroticism

also, green light. what's up with the green light

"we're a team" "yes we are"

"a place that is thin between those worlds" guess i was right! nice

separate them?? right now? when they are both saying "we" and "our" and "us"? that's interesting

everyone in the amphitheater is watching them <– themes and motifs

two (2) voice actors in this podcasts <–and i love them both (do i) (i do..) (JUST ONE??? JUST ONE VOICE ACTOR – 23-03-23 addition)

is the cult... about them? (<– guy who's about to get their whole world turned upside down)

A PIECE OF THE KING WAS TRAPPED IN THIS WORLD IN A BOOK I FUCKING

I FUCKING KNEW IT

THEY WERE TALKING TO JOHN ALL ALONG HE IS THE KING IN YELLOW AND I KNEW IT

SO HE IS EVIL

mmmh my face is mine again this vessel is yours again my king

no more us it seems like!!!

aaaaand this is why the king's influence was following them so closely. anyway do you remember when i

"this also makes me think that john might be having quite the influence on arthur's mind, to an extent, one that arthur is not aware of, at all"

anyway

the end indeed

"this... part of me, that you've stolen, it has lost its way. my fractured soul has become entangled in yours. i'll simply kill you and reclaim it"

OH! patrons choose arthur's path! this is a glorified ttrpg campaign after all!!! i knew something was up with how the decisions were being made that's so cool

which is also why they air one episode per month, makes sense!

@its-your-mind this is for you

here are my notes on malevolent's season one, episodes one through eight

considering my history with eye-related imagery podcasts, it was only obvious that one day i'd get around to malevolent as well. so here it is:

the two things i knew going in are as follow:

one of them is named john, while the other's name is arthur. i have no clue who is which

lots of the aforementioned eye imagery. i think at least one of them might be coded yellow, although as far as i know they are... sharing a body, perhaps. one of them is not human. and he's EVIL

i didn't jot down many notes while listening to the first bunch of episodes, but i have some general thoughts.

the setup is really smart. it's a really good idea to have arthur suddenly go blind and having john describe his surroundings, the people they come across and the actions arthur himself is going to take, but it also almost feels like a dnd campaign as far as descriptions and the dialogue goes (good, i'm very passionate about taz), especially when john gives arthur a description and arthur asks him questions, or when john lays out the possible courses of action they could take and leaves the choice to arthur. also why are there dice sounds sometimes when john notices some detail or other? what's up with that

part 1 "the dark world", part 2 "the missing girl", part 3 "the mansion", all in rapid fire:

(at this point i was convinced this was all taking place in england. podcast protagonists love being named john, and british)

i love stories that start in medias res, but this isn't even that. this is directly after the res. intriguing

peter... a private detective's partner in investigating... mmh nureyev i am constantly reminded of you come back home

the mystery seems straightforward enough, at least as much as a mystery can be, but arthur's detective skills really shine through here. he seems quite level headed.

it's really funny that he tells the voice (this is what i was calling john until episode five) to shut up and calm the fuck down he's so right for that, you go you funky little detective! 

i wonder when he's going to break down

DRIVING? WHILE BLIND???

creepy rotting abandoned mansions and mystery babies, love it, nothing to complain about

part 4 "the voices"

is the guy (kellin) the one who can actually hear the voice? is the severed head just a lifeless thing? does he think ! he can't hear the voice while his sister's head can, because he's unstable? is this what's happening? how would this guy (kellin again, i had no idea how to spell his name before looking it up i apologize) even be able to talk to the severed head in the lake?

oh this is GOOD horror

part 5 "the gift"

what? how did that happen? what? (i'm apparently referring to how arthur got in a hospital, according to the time stamp i left next to this note!)

is that the dream world the book guy was talking about in his notes?

did they actually have this kind of medical technology back in the 1930's?

oooh john

OO FRIEND

thank you for the recap of the previous five episodes i have just listened to

I KNEW SHE WAS DEAD!! CONSEQUENCES (of being asleep for a month)  (i'm talking about amanda / sarah here)

part 6 "the hill"

john seems to really like saying arthur's name

"arthur" "what?" "it's closed." hah

alright yes i s'pose i could yeh

how come john keeps asking arthur to play the piano? is there a reason beyond the obvious?

oh oh his reaction!! it's so lovely!!

gingerly walking into a gun shop and buying a gun like the real americans do. yeehaw

"you know how to [pick a lock]?" "many times, friend" "friend"

!!! john is so surprised to be called arthur's friend!! he didn't even notice it when they were in the hospital but arthur's been calling him that for a while now, back before the coma :)))

"more than telling (turn right) more than telling—"

part 7 "the island"

abandoned houses, severed heads, creepy lighthouses in the middle of a foggy lake, hitchhiking with the wrong guy. cults

all of my favorite things

we fucked up, you fucked up

who's john????????? what 

what do you mean who's john. what's happening to him, why doesn't he remember his own name that he picked out for himself kind of

part 8 "the caves"

"once more in the abyss, john" "once more, friend"

first time john's called arthur his friend! it's even more meaningful knowing how much he likes calling him arthur

john hates rhetorical questions, i see. although i'm pretty sure they're an integral part of being a PI and reasoning stuff out

the coffins were removed... and the widow wasn't alone... this is the thing that fucks me up the most 

more dice sounds

"if they are a cult, who or what are they worshipping", i see john's the one asking the rhetorical questions now

a woman? the widow? why has she gone feral

counting? what? the coffins? time? (about the signs they find on the cave's walls)

ah

john 😳 i need you with me on this 😳

the black goat, the king in yellow (arthur and john? is that why they're coded yellow? is john the king in yellow? could that be?)

is john hiding something? why is the fact that he left the severed head behind continually brought up? is it going to be relevant, was the head actually... supernatural?

does john know something he isn't telling arthur?

antoine's final plan and henry's sacrifice ?

"the one who wore, yellow?" "yes the king in yellow"

the one who tried to kill arthur in episode one? (i think this might be referring to the one who killed sarah, or the one who was following her)

"FUCK YOU JOHN" "FUCK ME? FUCK YOUR EYES"

well john is obviously worried that arthur's lack of empathy for the creatures they've come across up to this point will translate in a... rejection of some sort (fear, disgust, or anger) towards him if and when they find out where john came from and what he is

he's also aware that the time he spent in the dark world must have greatly influenced him, both in his actions and his mind. i think this is why he is showing so much empathy for the widow (was she really?) getting sucked into the cult, he knows how much the environment you're in and the company you are with can influence a mind

i mean, this is just speculating. i hope whatever malevolent veteran is reading this is having a laugh

this also makes me think that john might be having quite the influence on arthur's mind, to an extent, one that arthur is not aware of, at all

well, shit

[sweetea-rosey]

Ooo hi I saw you take requests? I have a writing request if you want to :))

So here is my idea:

Remus has a notebook given to him by the other sides to write his thoughts down in. See, Remus has clear impulse control problems so this notebook of for him to write his thoughts down instead of just doing and saying whatever comes to mind. It gives him a chance to think about it. Sometimes, maybe like once a week give or take a few days one of the other sides will sit down with him and read his thoughts with him just to make him feel validated and heard. Well this particular time one of the sides (of your choice) sat down with the notebook and found some rather interesting things.

Now, you can take this one of two ways (it’s really all up to you!)- You can make this something angsty (hurt comfort), or you can make it something shippy! It can be any Remus ship you want but I personally am more partial to intrulogical hehe 💙💚

Take your time and have fun with it!! Have a good day :)

Ah! Ty for the request! I started writing it on the day you submitted it, but Tumblr deleted it after a while of not saving :') so now my motivation to do this is deterred

Anyway, this'll be my first time not writing something Roman centric =w=""

Remus held the book in his hands. He remembered the day Roman gave it to him, when he risked traveling into the dark scape because he knew his brother needed this. Because he did, too.

An outlet.

A place for his monstrosities to be, other than inside his head, allowed to torture him to their best abilities. The illusions his mind creates are no longer just in his eyes. It's no longer insanity- it's creativity. The journal isn't the first one. But he and Roman make sure to keep eachother stocked up; they get filled rather quickly. The Imagination holds an entire library dedicated to their filled journals from over the years.

The journals have also become sort of diaries to them. So, imagine what were to happen if one of them got lost? The possibility of their secrets being seen by unbidden eyes.

Remus burst into Roman's room, "Ro!"

Roman jumped from his spot at his desk, "Jeez- ! What is it?"

Oddly, for Remus, he seemed almost anxious, "Have you seen my latest journal?"

Ah, that explains it. Roman understands the severity of losing something that holds your private thoughts. He stood up from his desk chair, turning to face Remus better, "No, I haven't. Is it missing?"

Remus nodded, unable to speak through the panic coursing through his veins, the hormone mixing with the feeling of the plasma we call blood rushing through veins and arteries, rest in his heart, which is thumping with vigor, the- Remus shook himself. The imagery coming on its own with nothing to do with it, "Thoughts, thoughts thoughts, thoughts, blood, where? Everywhere? It is me, I am thoughts and blood and gore and death and slime, and..."

Roman pulled his brother in, the physical touch of his second half grounding him, finally balanced out with his brother there to help him.

"Breathe, Ree...I get it...I'll help you look for it, okay? Do you have any spare journals?"

Remus shook his head. He had just started this one, he was too busy brainstorming on the pages to remember to restock.

"Okay, do you have the focus to conjur any, right now?"

Remus shook his head again. No no, of course not! He's too focused on the one that's missing!

"Alright, that's okay, Ree. I get it. Here, use this for now," As Roman spoke, he pressed a plain black book in the unstable man's hands, "Get some thoughts out on that, then we can start looking, okay?"

Instead of answering, he made the rest of the way into the prince's room and started letting the thoughts out.

.

.

.

"Feel better?"

Remus let out a breath and nodded, "A lot, thanks. Can we go look, now?"

"Of course, let's go."

It took hours. The sun was gone in Thomas' living room and they were still tearing the place apart, searching absolutely everywhere. Remus was tempted to just dismantle the mind palace and look through the stuff that gets left behind. The fear was boiling in his gut in the ocean of acid.

"What if we don't find it? My blood, sweat, and tears went into that book! Pieces of my heart are in there, I can't lose it, what if someone else finds it and reads it?"

Roman shuddered, because he didn't believe that Remus was being metaphorical, "I understand the severity of the situation, Ree. We should go look in the Lightside, now..."

Remus shrugged as much as his slumped posture will allow, "Sure..."

"We'll find it, Ree..."

"That's not what I'm worried about. If I lose it? Fine, I have others, I can start a new one. I'm scared of someone else finding it and reading it... there's things in there I don't want others seeing..."

"I get it, you know I do. We'll get it back before anyone else can even know it exists, alright?"

Remus just shrugged off his comforting hand, "Stupid prince, always making promises you don't even know if you can keep. Don't do that to yourself and don't do it to me. I'm not stupid enough to fall for that shit."

Roman recoiled, almost physically, "Sometime, people just need reassurance."

"And then, when you're wrong? I know you don't like breaking promises, Princey."

"...Then hopefully we'll figure it out."

"You're such a fucking optimist, it's gross."

Roman rolled his eyes, "I'm helping you look, be nice, you doofus."

"Oh wow, "doofus", I'm so offended," Remus said without much effort.

Roman ignored him.

.

.

.

"It's not HERE!" Remus screamed, a pot crashing through the wall.

Roman manged to muffle the noise and quickly put it back together, "We will, this was only the first room in the Lightside. You need to calm down."

"I can't! What if someone else already found it and read it? What if they hate me? What if they never wanna talk to me again because nothing in there makes sense, what-"

Roman caught his hands, "Woah! Woah...Remus, when did you start caring so much about what the others think of you?"

"I don't!"

"But...-"

"I don't care about what Logan and the other think of me."

"Of what...Logan and the...? Remus...is this about Logan?"

Remus hesitated just long enough.

"Oh great Aphrodite, it is..."

"Aphro-? NO! No, I don't!"

"Remus, is there something about Logan on that book?"

Remus said fuck it in his mind and sighed, "Yes... I...some fantasies...that he might not approve of..."

"Oh, Remus..."

"What if he finds out, and he...? He just doesn't...?"

Roman hit his brother on the head, "This is why you're a doofus. It doesn't matter if he finds it, you have nothing to worry about."

Remus rolled his eyes. Literally. He rolled them like dice and Roman had to look away, but got the message.

"How would you know?"

It was Roman's turn to roll his eyes (PROPERLY).

"I'm leaving you to figure that out. But, I do."

"Sure. Whatever. Asshole."

Roman moved on to look in the next room.

.

.

.

A flash of green leaped onto him and he was tumbling over, the item in his hands flying out.

"Remus!"

The man scrambled over and snatched the book up, "Did you read it?"

"I- no, Remus what is it?"

"It's mine. Roman, I found it!"

Roman? Since when do those two talk? But, as Remus said, Roman walked in.

"Oh, thank Hades."

"Logan had it."

Roman sucked in a breath, "Did he read it?"

Remus shook his head, relief is a weird expression on the man's face.

Logan wouldn't mind seeing it more.

"What is this about?"

Roman took the liberty of answering, "The book is Remus' and it's private. Reading it would be invasive."

"Oh, my apologies, then. But, I had just picked it up, it was left over from Remus' running through the room and into the Imagination, along with some other debris I cleaned up."

"It's alright, nerd."

Logan's gaze lingered on Remus a bit, before he bid his farewells, reminded Roman of some work he needs to do by Friday, then left.

"Y'know," Roman said as they turned to walk back, "You could tell him how you feel."

Remus scoffed, "I'm not self destructive, like you, RoRo."

Ignoring Remus' jabs is difficult for the prince, nevertheless, "And do, pray tell, how it's self destructive?"

"Because he'll say no and that will hurt. I don't like when things actually hurt. I'm not risking him hating me even more."

"Woah, woah, he doesn't hate you."

"Doesn't he? I'm chaotic, irrational, vile, ik everything he fights to keep under control."

Roman digested this and thought hard on how best to explain this, "But that's exactly why you two are perfect for each other. You help him let loose when he's being a stick in the mud and he helps you keep in control of yourself and stay organized.

"You're delusional. He doesn't like me, he can't Ro. It goes against our very beings! Go ahead and fool yourself, but you can't do that to me. That's just cruel." Remus disappeared and Roman sighed as he tried to brush off his brother's words.

As the embodiment of romance, he thinks he'd know when a couple will work out or not. How will he convince his brother and Logan of that? He supposes he can't blame them for that, who would listen to the love advice of someone who loves someone that loves someone else? Kinda hypocritical.

.

.

.

"Just leave me alone!"

"Remus! Would calm down? Just listen to me!"

"No! You're a liar and I hate you! Do you want me to get hurt? You're an asshole you good for nothing prince!" He screamed. Why won't his brother let this go? Doesn't he see that everyone is better this way?

"Fine! You're right! Is that what you want to hear? Call me an asshole, call me stupid, call me evil or whatever! But I'm not wrong! Why don't you believe me? Ha! Why am I trying to reason with the self proclaimed unreasonable?"

Remus looked down from his perch on the guillotine, "Wait, RoRo-!" But he was gone.

"Fuck."

He rushed out, hoping to Loki that he didn't do too much damage.

"Roman!"

But he found who he wants looking for.

"Why are you screaming in the middle of the common room?" Came that cool and sexy voice.

"Looking for my brother, duh."

"Funny, I just spoke to him."

"Where'd he go?"

"Not sure, but he told me to stop being a robotic fake and confess to you."

"He- ? ROMAN!" Remus summoned a hammer and maybe there's a new hole in the wall.

"He was right, surprisingly."

Remus was not expecting that, "Come again?"

"I have noticed, over the course of our interactions, that I have developed feelings that I didn't recognized until Roman brought them to my attention. Remus...I have romantic feelings for you."

And it was the last casual and calculated confession Remus ever heard. He imagined something with ropes. But it was the best thing he ever heard. He didn't expect to be crying.

"Remus?"

"I like you, too..."

Logan brightened and stood up, his heart beating unnaturally, yet pleasently, as he moved closer, "Then... perhaps we...?"

But before he could finish, Remus pulled him in and there was no need for words.

Part 2 with what happened with Roman afterwards?

Ty so much for the request and I apologies for the long wait.

@fireflyjunkie

[frumfrumfroo]

Can "masculine" and "feminine" Fandom ever truly coexist or are they always destined for conflict? Everything I've seen indicates that even if it only happens in a passive-aggressive way,, they will always fight until one pushes out or marginalizes the other (and the creators will probably take sides).

I think they do co-exist all the time. For example Star Trek and DBZ both have huge fandoms of both temperaments, despite the common stereotype that they're ploty techy manly franchises for boys and only male nerds like them. TOS invented shipping fandom as we know it. Nor is there usually much tension between the two camps. It's just that the streams don't really cross; fic/meta/shipping fandom is over here and speculation/powerlevels/trivia fandom is over there. You can be in both, but you do them separately and usually one is way more 'mainstream' as the face of fans than the other. Doctor Who is the rare case where it's equally infamous for its no-romo anoraks and its die-hard shippers.

The fact that those are ancient, venerable fandoms is probably a factor, because fandom as a whole used to be more compartmentalised. You only hung out in the part that interested you and could engage for years without interacting with anything outside that bubble. Things like zines and webrings and livejournal groups were split up by topic. Although people say the days of mailing lists were more like now because it was a niche and everyone had to scroll past everything. I wasn't there, so these are speculations.

But what's definitely different now is that the fourth wall has been completely demolished and whining on SM can change the direction of multi-billion dollar franchises, so the old need to 'win' fandom and feel like the loudest voice has become something with real stakes. If bullying the 'wrong' audience out of fandom results in your faction being catered to, that incentivises aggressive gatekeeping. Which people already did even back when it was totally delusional to think the creators knew or cared what fandom thought, so having it actually work is going to make it ten thousand time worse. Franchise writing by angry twitter committee is probably going to continue and this will lead to many more pieces of Extruded Movie Product dreck while Disney and Amazon buy up the entire global entertainment industry until the inevitable collapse of mega-budget Branded Content which can’t come soon enough.

Do I expect shipping and emotional analysis fandom will continue to get the shorter end of the stick and be mocked for caring even as being a massive anorak who's memorised every meaningless stat in every issue of Captain Bland's Monotonous Adventure becomes ever more mainstream and acceptable? Yep. But this has never succeeded in pushing shipping out of fandom and while certain kinds of ‘nerdiness’ have become ‘cool’ (much like it’s socially acceptable to obsess about sports but not Magic: the Gathering tournaments), the genuine weirdos still have far more in common with people who write fanfic than they do with the casual audience who are the true target demographic of any big budget film. A lot of the pressure which causes fandom infighting is being exerted from outside and when trends change, the need to guard your terf so that senpai notices you lessens significantly.

Although I should probably take issue with the idea that it’s a ‘both sides’ thing, because I know of no example, ever, of a ‘feminine’ fandom rejecting or trying to drive out ‘masculine’ interests. If you want to talk about who would win in a fight in a shoujo manga or discuss the worldbuilding logic of Labyrinth from a non-metaphorical perspective, absolutely no one in the fandom will have a problem with that. I knew a guy who was super into the ‘lore’ and non-romance plot of Twilight (how? idk), and he got no shit whatsoever for ‘doing it wrong’ from the fans because they did not feel threatened by his perspective.

A lot of these ‘boys club’ fandoms do feel threatened by shippers or literary analysis (because icky lady cooties mostly) and that’s what it comes down to. Same with antis and any other ‘you’re doing fandom wrong!’ group. They are afraid of not being exclusively catered to if they aren’t the overwhelming majority. That’s the only reason there’s conflict. If they weren’t worried about not being the default and not having their worldview constantly validated, they wouldn’t care about us.

[artificialqueens]

Taking Advantage of The Moment (Max-centric; Max/Jaidynn if you squint) - Puppy

A/N: Hello, folks. I have posted things for writethehousedown, but this is my first time on AQ. After seeing/posting the Groundhog Day prompt, I wanted to take on the challenge.  I’ve always been fascinated with time loops, so heck. Here we go. Max and Jaidynn’s relationship here can be seen as either platonic or romantic.

TW: Panic/anxiety attack

Summary: Max Malanphy finds herself reliving her elimination day over and over and over and over again.

~~

Max solemnly rolled her bags out of the workroom for the- who knows how many times it was at this point. She understood completely what the universe was trying to tell her.

Was her runway not up to standards as other times? Yes. Was her Snatch Game performance questionable at best and terrible at worst? Well, she was literally near her last possible choice since producers disapproved of her first few choices. If only this stretched to yesterday, the grey lady thought to herself, I could’ve thrown in a line about Party City or something like that… She had already accepted that she lost the lip-sync against Jaidynn too. She was a damn good performer and 80s’ R&B wasn’t generally in Max’s repertoire. So why the hell was this still happening?

Perhaps she’d sleep on it, but that was useless. She’d wake back up on the same day. It seems she had lost count of the many things she had tried to do to finally fly back home.


~~~

“This seems a little familiar… repetitive even…” Max approached Violet with some caution.

“You’re the one getting read about your wigs, and you talk to me about repetitive?” The one-of-a-kind collectable joked, or at least attempted to. She was still getting used to the whole ‘bring a warmer person’ thing.

“Shouldn’t I have gone home already?”

Violet tilted her head in slight confusion. “What do you mean? I think it was Kandy’s time and…” she beckoned Max to lean down so she could whisper into her ear. “You didn’t hear it from me, but your Merle Ginsberg… wasn’t that bad last week.”

Max’s fears were assuaged until she got on the runway. The brightness of the lights and the tightness of the corset creeped back into play. She once found herself asking to loosen her outfit and sitting at the edge of the stage. Yep, she was reliving the moment that sent her home.

~~~

Around the fourth or seventh time she had been eliminated, Max had practically memorized the backstage conversations. “Well, now we know what she really sounds like!” Ginger joked, prompting a fit of laughter and a punch to the arm. Max hoped to have hit her face, but she wasn’t that far gone yet.

She once attempted to shed her purported prudish nature in another loop. She started conversations about what she once deemed vulgar, but all she had got was strange looks and reminders she was sharing too much information. She didn’t speak again until critiques.


Immediately after (or was it two times after?), she had tried her best to be the friend that everyone needed. She’d help with outfits and accompanied Fame and Katya as extra moral support. Among the sewing and helping others with makeup, she barely had time for herself. The moment she stepped onto the runway, she barely put on a face of makeup and nearly fainted from lack of energy. Thankfully, she woke back up in her hotel room and last night’s pajamas.

The most recent loop was just spent in utter silence. Max had just… broke.  She dared not speak or respond to anyone. She had choked back inaudible tears everywhere she went that day until the runway. As she was sweating under the lights, she prayed that she would pass out again. The voices in her head overpowered anything that she wanted to come out of her mouth. The ones constantly nagged at her for every decision she made on that show.

In an attempt to direct her attention away from those voices, her focus shifted elsewhere. This elsewhere unfortunately was drilled on the various sets of eyes staring at her, and the thousands more who would see it once it was edited and aired to the public. How many people would consider this some stunt? They’d probably think she was crazy or delusional.

She’d whisk herself back to Oz in times like this to cope, but it didn’t work. Any time she’d try, she would be trapped in the Witch’s castle near the crystal ball. “Auntie Em, I’m frightened…” Max whispered to herself as she slowly got back up. Hopefully the tear stains would have dried out of the corset by the time.

Max remained silent backstage. She knew what the judges’ verdicts were going to be; why bother discussing them? The outcome was the same yet again. She’d pack, she’d sleep, she’d wake up to walk the runway yet again.

As she woke up yet again, a thought crossed her mind. All of her attempts to actively change the situation ended up making things worse. The day kept repeating. Max got up out of bed and stared at her reflection. Had she been too much in her head? She chuckled; if she was that far in her, Fame probably would have gotten the joke by now. The queen took a deep breath in and vowed this. Go through the day as it was any other. Don’t make any drastic changes, Maxie.  If you do, just… have them be small and insignificant. Try to make someone happy. The grey lady sighed and officially got ready for yet another loop of the same day. If this was the last, that would make her one extremely happy person. If it wasn’t, she would go back to trying… maybe ask Violet for a cincher this time.

~~~

“You’re done early,” Ginger noticed Max from her peripherals.

“Well, I’ve basically worn the same face since I’ve been here, so I guess practice amounts to shaving off a few minutes.” Max retorted as she admired herself a little longer. Her red contacts stared back at her: the leather-bound black widow. She laughed at her own little joke. The other girls couldn’t possibly know what that little comment also meant. The queen hummed a show tune to herself as she waited until filming started.

Being done this early felt so surreal, almost voyeuristic. The now black-haired lady stared among the workroom, eyeing her little corner of the room in particular: the various wigs and looks she wasn’t going to bring to the public. Perhap she could use this time to start packing again; there was no need to delay the inevitable. She let out a sigh as she stared at her belongings.

“Hey, girl. You seem a bit out of it today.” Max was shaken out of her reverie and looked down at the shorter queen.

“It’s nothing, really,” Max lied, but saw that there was no use doing so. For all she knew Jaidynn was going to forget it the next time this happened; telling her wouldn’t hurt. In fact, it was cathartic for the tall one.  “Never mind.. It has felt a little strange. Ever since I’ve been here, it’s been as if I was in a dream and I still haven’t quite woken up yet. Speaking of… I’ve probably already asked you this, but can you pinch me?”

“Did you get enough sleep last night?” Ever concerned, Jaidynn leaned against the wall and  attempted to hold her friend’s hand.”I think this may have been the first time we saw each other today.”

“I’ve been reliving this day for gods know how long. Sleep is the least of my worries.”

“Have you actually done so or is this just ‘Max language’ for something else? I get that filming has been repetitive and it’s all routine, but I doubt that you’re going through some Bill Murray shit.” Max had a tendency to speak entirely in metaphor; Jaidynn and others on set knew that first hand. When she spoke, she often spoke in terms of Oz and werewolves when she wasn’t giving sage advice. When she wasn’t inside of her head, she was off in another world where magic is real and nothing can go wrong. Thank goodness she had folks who could snap her back to reality.

Max nodded her head as she then eyed Fame and Katya in another corner of the room, silently mumbling along to their conversation to prove her point.

“Damn, girl. That sounds pretty cool. It would definitely come in handy. You could improve on your looks and save yourself if you were ever on the bottom.”

Max widened her eyes, not wanting to say too much. She already violated her mission by confiding in Jaidynn. “I’ve already done so much. What else is there to do?” Before she could say anything more, a PA had come in telling them to line up. “Shall we continue this later?”

Before they knew it, the arduous hours of judging had passed yet again and the critiqued queens headed backstage. “Did.. did that happen every time? You sounded good” Jaidynn asked about the corset mishap. All Max could do was nod her head and laugh.

“Sometimes, I’d switch up the song,” she whispered back and giggled. “I remember I did ‘Over the Rainbow’ one night… ‘The Man That Got Away’ another… One night, I think I-”

“The accent…”

“What about it?”

“You lost it for a second there.”

“I- I did?” Max shouldn’t have been surprised, but she just stopped for a second. It felt strange, having slipped out of this persona she had made for herself after having maintained it for filming and then some, but also freeing too. It was as if a giant weight had been lifted off her shoulders. “Didn’t even realize.” She laughed a little louder than she normally did, garnering more attention that she usually got. Max and Jaidynn joined the other girls with smiles on their faces and an underlying sense of uncertainty.

Sitting with her fellow castmates wasn’t the best thing in the world. There was no doubt that Max Malanaphy was an introverted figure. When they were normally congregated backstage, she would be among them, but barely contribute. Her comfort zone could only extend so far. She’d often flock where Violet or Pearl were, so she could talk about her day and how the other queens acted towards her, but that was the longest she’d have a conversation. The constant loops had certainly made things easier for the young lady. The only time she broke away from the conversation was to practice the song with Jaidynn.

“You really don’t have to do this, Max. I mean… you have the song down better than me at this point.” The Nashville queen remarked, taking a headphone out of one ear.

Max blushed a little at the remark and bounced the curls of her wig with one hand. “Don’t puff me up too much, dear; I wouldn’t want to send you home tonight,” She awkwardly laughed afterwards. “I’d still very much want it to be an even playing field… or as even as possible considering circumstances.” Jaidynn popped the earbud back in and they continued to listen together, mostly in peace and quiet. The song looped on repeat until the five minute warning came around once again.

“You ready?”

“As I’ll ever be.”

“What happens after this?” Jaidynn started as she was lining back up. “I’m gonna forget all this ever happened, I guess…”

Max was shaken by the suddenness of the statement. She had never really considered the implications of Jaidynn’s situation. This whole day would be meaningless “I mean it depends… I might go through the wringer again.” Her cadence suddenly began to speed back up to an alarming pace.  “The outcomes of the lip sync might change but it does not seem likely at the moment because I’m pretty sure Michelle hates me and they’d want me out as soon as possible but who knows, it might be a double sashay or a double shantay or I might win or no one wins or-” She stopped herself yet again, but her breathing became much more erratic. Now wasn’t the time for yet another breakdown.

Jaidynn attempted to cup her tall fishy friend’s face, but settled for squeezing her hand. It would have looked ridiculous due to their sizes. “Look at me,” she started as Max crouched  to her height. “No matter what happens, you’re gonna kick ass. I’ve seen you, girl, and you’re a badass performer. You’ll turn it out.”

“The Shakespeare challenge…” Max’s eyes widened as she realized what Jaidynn had just said.

“What about it?”

“You used my own encouragement against me!”

“Y-yeah.. I figured it’d help.”

“And it did.” Max curtsied and kissed the back of the hand Jaidynn was still holding before throwing herself into a hug. “It’s just… I- I’ll make sure you won’t forget me.”

“Do you promise?”

“I swear.” That was the last thing Max had said before the final lip sync.

Like most go-rounds, the outcome was the same. Jaidynn had lived to see another week while Max was sent packing yet again. This time was different; she didn’t feel as defeated as she had previously been. She had said a speech, blown a kiss, then left the stage with as much dignity and grace as she had entered.

It was melancholic seeing the looks that she wouldn’t be able to show the judges, but  it wasn’t too bad. She’d probably see them the next day. That was the least of her troubles at that moment. The only thought occupying Max’s mind was Jaidynn. If this was her last tomorrow, how was she going to let her friend know she was safe and that she made it out with a little bit of sanity intact? Before she left the workroom yet again, Max tied the handkerchief that was paired with her final runway look to the end of the table where her friend’s stuff was. She took one hopefully final glance at the workroom and didn’t look back. All she could do was pray that she’d wake up with a phone the next day.

~~~

The next time Max walked into the werk room, she wasn’t alone.

She followed behind the eliminated queens. It was nice seeing everyone again. She apologized to Trixie for saying she’d win it for her, but her college friend laughed it off, saying it wasn’t that big of a deal. It was also quite lovely seeing Sasha and Kasha and Kandy again, as well as Tempest and Jasmine, but something felt missing.

Although she was ultimately paired up with Violet (something she was happy about), she still couldn’t get her mind off of Jaidynn. She was the only person she had trusted with probably the most valuable information of her life. Just seeing her had to have been enough evidence she was back. For all she knew, it could have been a couple more loops since she returned from Jaidynn’s perspective. Memory was a funny thing. For now, she just had to pretend as if her first yesterday was the only time the elimination had happened. There was a possibility of returning to the competition tonight.

“I think you might have forgot this.” Max put part of her corset down and looked up at a familiar face. There Jaidynn was with the little black shawl in her hand. She maintained herself the best that she could, but it didn’t last much longer. The tall queen hugged Jaidynn as hard as she could.

“Thank you…” Max whispered as a few tears started to form. “Thank you, darling, for everything.”

[gukknj]

rebirth (m)︱one

summary: as you enter a completely new world, you realize that do-overs aren’t always a good thing.

pairing(s): jeon jungkook x feminine reader, park jimin x feminine reader

genre: vampire au

warnings: mentions of death, blood

Eden was built upon the idea of insatiable bloodlust and overall vampiric superiority. It was a place that one could not find so easily unless they were of a supernatural bloodline, completely hidden in the darkest depths of forest and underground beneath the fae tribes. Eden became a place where vampires could come to sate their hunger, discover their hard limits when it came to feeding, truly come into their own as a monster. 

There were also strict rules, of course, rules that prevented the general public of creatures from becoming truly unhinged murderers. Jin made sure that no one could enter his sanctuary without a background check first, as well as other stipulations that caused hundreds of bloodsuckers to give him unbelievable amounts of money. If there was one thing Jin was before a vampire, it was a businessman. 

Jin also hated a lot of things; humans, law and order, women who thought they could seduce him, idiots that turned their children into vampires, and above all else, Park Jimin. 

So, it wasn't a surprise to anyone when the first thing he did upon visiting Jimin's little secluded cabin was pulled his signature combat knife from his pocket and glared at the annoyed, younger man. Well, it was a surprise for you. Jimin had only mentioned this 'all-knowing' Jin as his old friend, but you saw past that lie the moment the tall, powerful man stepped through the door with Chae in tow. 

His expression was both deadly and handsome in equal parts. He had the kind of face that was hard to forget, especially given that a pair of terrifying fangs was placed between his plump pink lips. Behind him, Chae was rolling her eyes at the animosity radiating from both men as they circled each other like wolves. Jimin's face gave nothing away in terms of fright, but you did notice how he quickly gulped once he spotted the shiny weapon Jin wielded. Chae cleared her throat.

"If you two little girls are done pulling pigtails, I'd like to get back to the real issue." She said before turning around to you, lying on the living room couch with a puke bucket beside you filled with blood. Jin and Jimin couldn't hear her, they stared each other down until they were sure neither would make a sneak attack once the other moved. 

"Don't mistake me not punching this knife through your heart for a truce..an understanding. Mercy. Chae's like family to me." Jin spoke with such hatred that it scared you. He then turned to you, cruel brown eyes examining you like a science experiment. He made you feel ashamed to be in the position you were in like you weren't even worthy of being in his presence when you looked so unkempt. You hadn't looked in a mirror in such a long time, but if you had to guess, you probably resembled the walking dead. Not a comforting fact when you realized everyone in the afterlife is objectively hot. 

Jin stalked towards you, crouching once he'd reached your position on the couch. He was so near to you, you nearly forgot how to breathe. Everything about him radiated power and wisdom beyond years. His hand raised to you and you flinched back. He chuckled at your weariness and used his hand to feel the temperature on your forehead.

"You're a jumpy one," He whispered. "I won't hurt you. You must be scared." His voice turned so incredibly soft as he felt all over you, checking your heartbeat and pulse rates. "Is there anything you have a craving for at the moment?" He asked. You shook your head. The idea of blood seemed disgusting to you, especially since you were chucking it up by the boatload. "Are you experiencing sharp pains in your stomach? Speak up."

"Yes. It hasn't gone away." You were aware that your voice was cracked and weak, but there was nothing you could do to stop it. In Chae's long absence, Jimin had given you water, soup, bread and anything that he thought might help get you back in working condition. Nothing stuck. He nodded.

"Any other abnormal instances you'd like to tell me about?"

You think. "It hurts to open my eyes for too long. Sounds are too loud. Lights too bright. My teeth ache.”

He nodded, "Okay, all normal for a transition."

"And I don't remember anything."

He paused. "What do you mean by that? You don't remember being turned?" He asked. Jimin and Chae both lean forward for your explanation and you could feel yourself tearing up as you have to say it for the first time.

"I don't remember myself...who I was...what I did. I know I had a family and friends, but I don't remember them. I don't know who I am." You sniffled and blinked back the tears threatening to fall. Jin barely reacted to your hysterics. He forced your body up as you whimpered, hands traveling up to your head. He prod in a few spots, taking note of your physical reaction to him. 

"She's possibly concussed from her death. The healing process hasn't fully started yet because she hasn't been properly fed. Chae, you said you gave her what type of blood?"

She frowned. "I gave her every type. She barfed it all back up afterward. And she still fucking is. Jin, I don't fucking get it. What's going on?"

"I don't think she needs human blood. That shit only made her sick, it's killing her from the inside out. There are very few cases where this happens, you see. One hundred percent of the time it's an instance where another supernatural species has been turned into a vampire hybrid," Jin scoffed out before turning back to you. He wore a glare now. "And you're trying to tell me that you don't know who the fuck you are."

"Hey!" Jimin shouted, rushing to stand beside you. "Look at her, man! Does it look like she's fucking lying? She has absolutely nothing to gain." He tried to reassure the angry man, but Jin shook his head.

"She has everything to gain. A little half-breed trying to infiltrate my territory and report back to wherever the fuck she came from. You said you found her where? Bleeding out in the middle of our woods?" Jin asked Chae, who looked just as angry as Jimin.

"Shut the fuck up, Jin. If I hadn't found her, she would've died. It would be a pretty shitty plan if it were a real plan and not a delusional fairytale that comes from years of being an asshole to everyone you meet." She seethed. 

"Being around Jimin for so long has made you soft, Chae."

Jimin sneered. "The fuck is that supposed to mean?"

You sat back and tried to make yourself smaller. Death was beginning to sound like a better fate than to be tied up in the mess unfolding before you. And they just kept going, arguing back and forth, voices rising higher and higher until it felt like all Hell would break loose. Your ears couldn't take the ringing. It protruded your sensitive eardrums like nails against a chalkboard. You finally screamed.

"SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!"

You clutched your head in pain from even your own voice. The three vampires paused their bickering and turned to you with wide eyes. You grabbed Jin, uncaring of his thoughts of you, and used him to lift yourself into a standing position. He raised an eyebrow at that but let you continue to struggle on your two feet, holding the lapels of his pea coat and glaring up at him. 

"I don't give a fuck what you think I'm trying to do. Fix me or fucking kill me." You choked out. Jin smirked. The siblings watched the scene with bated breath, praying that you didn't just sign your death certificate. Jin always was a wild card. 

"Fine," Jin said. "Assuming that you are a poor, defenseless little brat, I will help you move forward in your transition process." He said and Chae let out a sigh of relief. Jimin still stared, worried. "However, if you so dare as to cross me, you're going to wish you died." He threatened, which you didn't take lightly. You nodded in understanding. "I can't help you in this dump where there are only cartoon character Band-Aids and trash cans as puke buckets. You need to come with me. To Eden." 

His eyes bore into yours so intensely that you had to turn. You glanced at Chae, your savior, for her okay on the admission. She bit her bottom lip, refusing to look directly at you. 

"You can't take a baby vamp to that fucking cesspool." Jimin glared. 

"She's a big girl, I'm sure she can make her own decisions." Jin continued to stare down at you. "Jimin's only upset because Eden is only for the most elite of vampires and he isn't on the guest list. We have the best of resources for a fresh one such as yourself. I'll take care of you. And maybe, when you're feeling better, you can come back here to visit." He persuaded. It didn't sound like a bad idea. 

"Say something to her, Chae." 

"I don't think you have a choice. Jin isn't all bad. He's right, actually. We can't help you like this." She pouted. "You'll be in better hands with him. And I'll visit you every day to make sure you're alright."

Jimin rolled his eyes. "Not what I meant." 

Thankfully, you still had common sense and deductive reasoning skills. Even you could tell that Jin wasn't a person you'd want to ever cross, but he seemed to have a solution to your problem and you didn't want to spend the rest of your life on a metaphorical death bed. Or an actual one. Could vampires die of starvation?

The dark glint in his eyes told you all that you needed to know; you definitely wouldn't be coming back to visit Jimin. The blonde boy's eyes were telling you not to leave with Jin, but you also had to take into account that they both didn't like each other. The most important opinion, you thought, belonged to the sweet girl that saved you. You couldn't ignore the pull you've had to her ever since you took your first breath of life, the way that you wanted to run to her the most for comfort, how you instinctively trusted every word she spoke with your entire being. So no matter how big and pleading the boy's eyes were, you couldn't agree with him.

"I'll go with you." You whispered to Jin. Jimin visibly deflated.

"Smart girl." Jin praised with a small smile. His eyes cut to Jimin. "We'll be on our way now. Let's hope we never have to see each other again." He said. 

"If you truly felt that way, you never would have turned me in the first place, Jin. But, by all means, get the fuck out of my house. And keep her away from your little lackeys." Jimin spat at the older man. You glanced between both of them in alarm, soaking in all the new information before Jin grabbed your arm and started pulling you to the door. Chae gave you a meaningful look as you passed her and it gave you enough strength to mindlessly follow along with the older vampire. 

You were finally alone with him, in the dead of night, but it didn't feel as terrifying as you thought it would. Maybe because once you two got a far enough distance from the cottage, he dropped the 'bad guy' front and offered to carry you the rest of the way. Jin was intimidating as all hell, but you couldn't limp through the forest for who knows how much longer so you fell into his arms graciously.

"Is is...far?" You asked after about five minutes of walking through the forest. 

The man grunted. "You know, you talk an awful lot for a sick person with amnesia."

"I said one thing."

There wasn't much talking after that besides your occasional coughing fits and general pit stops to upchuck whatever blood was left in your system. Jin sneered, whispering 'how much fucking blood did that girl give you' before speeding up his pace. There wasn't much to focus on in the meantime, except for the tall trees looming over you, seemingly touching the clouds. The noises of owls hooting and bats flapping rapidly overhead. 

Jin also turned into a focus point. You admired his classically handsome features and how powerful he could look without doing much of anything. You wondered about his unclear history with Jimin and Chae and why he was so adamant on intimidating Jimin. 

Jimin had mentioned that Jin used to be his friend, so maybe they had a huge falling out some time ago that didn't involve Chae. Maybe, once upon a time, they were all like a happy family. You wished you could remember your family. It was all blurry, vague hints of memories with no real faces or names, just locations and scenery, and heavy nostalgia. 

"I can feel you thinking." He said after a few minutes of you stewing in a stale silence. "It'll be best for us both if you held out on trying to figure things out until we've figured out a sustainable way of living for you." He advised with a scold. 

"I can't help it. It feels like missing puzzle pieces. And it's odd because I still know how the world functions; I know that vampires are supposed to be something like myths, I know the melodies to songs I can't name right now, I know that I was terrified of dying. But I don't know what I did...the decisions I made to lead me here." You confessed. 

Jin nodded. "Ignorance is often bliss."

"But I don't have an identity."

"Isn't that a blessing?" Jin began with a smirk. "To not have any preconceived notions made by others about who you are? To have an open range of possibility regarding your morals, values, ethics...it's quite exhilarating. You can be whoever the fuck you want to be with no judgment."

"No judgment?" You asked, weakly. You doubt that anyone could just do whatever and get away with it.

He laughed. "This is the supernatural world. It takes a lot for people to collectively judge you, trust me. The way I see it, you've been given a gift." 

Jimin had mentioned that before. A gift.

"Human life weighs down on us. We wander back to check in on family and friends...and we see them grieving and moving on, gradually forgetting about us. We see them getting into trouble that we know we could fix, but we can't interfere. Most of us don't get over it. New life is painful, but I think you'll adjust just fine." Jin said before halting to an abrupt stop.

You would've never expected to be standing in front of an old half burned down hospital building. There were at least three floors, or they're used to be given that most of the third floor looked chopped off. It was only scarcely boarded up and had tree vines crawling up over every visible wall. You skimmed over the old building with a disgusted look in your eyes. 

"You've gotta be kidding me. Jin, if you're going to kill me, you could've just done it three miles ago. I'd rather not die inside of this dungeon of horrors." You whined pathetically which Jin had the gall to laugh at you for. 

"My dear, this 'dungeon of horrors' is the gateway to Eden. Stop wiggling so much, you'll be fine." He assured.

The moment that he stepped inside, a crow yelped rather loudly in the sky, something so immediate and timed that you knew for a fact it was no coincidence. Jin carried you forward, towards a hidden area filled with moss and shrubbery. Before you could protest, Jin had already set you down on the cold concrete and pulled out his combat knife. You prepared to be skinned alive, but the knife dug into his own skin instead. The blade pierced the palm of his hand causing dark red blood to drip. He placed his hand in front of him onto a particular piece of concrete, letting his blood fall onto the pavement in a pattern you weren't familiar with.

"What are you doing?" You asked. 

"Eden has many different entrance locations, all of which require a blood offering to unlock the doors." He explained just as the seemingly normal floor under you began to sink downwards. You panicked for a moment, grabbing onto Jin's leg as the ground carried you lower than you ever wanted to go. He lent back down to pick you up again, but this time you wrapped your arms around his neck, fearing what would happen if he ever set you down again. 

Amongst the bare walls now surrounding you was a heavy-looking metal door. Jin took you towards it, hitting it in a rhythmic tap that was too intricate to be improvisation. The door flew open immediately, revealing a dark hallway.

Your heart raced unintentionally. 

You didn't know that Jin could hear your heart beating rapidly as clear as he could hear you speaking to him, so you didn't see his mildly concerned look down at you as you clutched onto him like a safety net. He sighed.

"Do you still want to do this?" He asked. It was so unexpected of him that you eased up on your grip and stared, unsure of how to respond.

"If you mean survive, then yes. I trust you."

"You just met me, dear. It's incredibly stupid to trust strangers." He scolded you not unlike a father would and it made you smile for a split second.

"As if I really have other options, Dracula. Get a move on it before I really pussy out because I can't take looking at this creepy place a second longer." This time Jin laughed and simply adhered to your wishes, speeding through the door and into the hallway. Behind you, the door slammed shut on its own and you could hear the floors lifting once again. 

You kept your eyes shut as you sped through the long hallway. Until the faint sound of music tingled your eardrums and Jin came to a sudden halt. "Welcome to Eden. Let's get you settled in somewhere."

Hesitantly, you opened your eyes to examine whatever hell hole you've been brought to, and you couldn't help the gasp that tore through you. Jin smirked at your reaction.

"I think you'll have a good time here, so long as you don't wander off by yourself or run accidentally into JK."

"Who?"

[discyours]

What are your thoughts on contrapoints' new video if you've watched it ?

I had actually watched it before I got this ask but I wanted to rewatch it to make sure I had a good answer. Terrible idea, I spent way too much time on this, too much to justify shortening this out so I’ll put a cut out of courtesy to my followers. 

I did actually find myself agreeing with her on a few points, though I didn’t spend much time being excited about that since criticising “TERFs” is hardly a new or rare thing. Starting out the video with a dramatic reading of a Germaine Greer quote was funny in my opinion, but it did set people up for an obvious bias. Some radfems truly are that transphobic and that’s really important to acknowledge, but it’s hardly news to anyone in her audience. I would’ve preferred if she’d engaged with more moderate forms of gender critical feminism, though I can’t say it’s all that much of a surprise that she didn’t do so since the entire basis of her channel is essentially putting on a wig to create a strawman (that’s not to say that the points she argued against were never made by anyone, but she does get to pick and choose which ones she talks about rather than debating a real person).

It’s also quite telling that she only asked past gender critical feminists for their input, not anyone who currently holds those beliefs (though again, can’t say I’m surprised). I did actually like her explanation of gendercrit ideology (”The idea is that gender [femininity, masculinity, gender roles, all that] it’s all a patriarchal construct, and biological sex is the only thing that makes a person a man or a woman.”). It’s fairly rare to see people represent it even somewhat accurately, so props for that.  She then went on to mock questions about trans ideology as being comparable to “the Jewish question”, so,,, that strong start didn’t last long.

She explained that trans people are on the defensive against genuine questions because of the amount of transphobia we have to deal with from the government, the press, and oftentimes our family. It’s the reason we stick together and stick to unambiguous slogans that don’t concede anything (”trans women are women”). Which, cue 10 people unfollowing me, I don’t disagree with. I started this blog to talk about trans issues and at this point I’m about as trans-critical as troons can get, but even I don’t have the energy or desire to engage every single person I come across in their genuine concerns about trans people. The part Natalie leaves out however is that these slogans and chants are often part of an attempt to change legislation, where you don’t get to just state that trans women are women and refuse to discuss it when people don’t blindly accept it. Being on the defensive makes sense, but it’s incompatible with being on the offensive to change laws and social norms.

Moving on to CONCERN ONE: GENDER METAPHYSICS

This is one part where I actually strongly agreed with Natalie (well, as much as could be expected). She explains that sometimes, people use metaphors to explain feelings that are difficult to put into words, and that that’s how she understands the “trapped in the wrong body” language. Thanks to some groups who do mean this literally (thanks transmeds!) I don’t blame radfems for taking those statements seriously and attempting to debunk them, but I’m also really not fond of radfems jumping on just about any attempt to talk about dysphoria. A lot of the time these objections go beyond wanting to debunk something that is assumed to be meant literally, and beyond wanting people to think critically about their dysphoria; it reaches the point of expecting that they’ll simply reason people out of their dysphoria, since being dysphoric (and being trans) just doesn’t make any sense.

She also criticises brain sex theory much in the way that I do, and says she thinks of herself as a woman who used to be a man rather than having always been a woman. I’m too gendercrit to relate or agree completely, but compared to most trans people’s stance on this it’s pretty damn agreeable.

She finishes off this… chapter? With a quote about “living as a woman”, and while I have plenty of thoughts on that it’s elaborated on later on, so let’s move on.

CONCERN TWO: GENDER STEREOTYPES

Natalie explains that her clothes, makeup or voice don’t “make her a woman”, and that no trans woman thinks femininity and womanhood are the same. Rather, they’re using femininity as a cultural language to prompt people to see them “for what they are” (women).  

Obviously the question of what makes someone a woman has yet to be answered here (unless the quote from the last chapter was intended to but that’s pretty circular [go watch the video this is too goddamn long to copy everything]) so I’ll leave the “see us for what we are” be for now. But it’s absolute bullshit that no trans woman equates femininity to womanhood. How many trans women have explained that they knew from a young age because they liked to play with dolls and their mother’s makeup? There have literally been trans women claiming that butch lesbians are closeted trans men, and that an aversion to femininity counts as gender dysphoria. I do agree with her last point, though. I didn’t cut my hair when I came out because I thought that would “make me a man”, I did so because it’d help me pass. A lot of radfems are intentionally obtuse about the existence of cultural signifiers just to paint trans people as delusional gender-worshippers.

I am actually gonna quote her here because I think it’s important;

“I think butch or gender nonconforming cis women sometimes side-eye hyperfeminine trans women because they don’t identify with this version of womanhood at all, and they’ve had to struggle since childhood against a society that’s told them they have to be feminine. And I completely sympathize with that. I think there should be more gender freedom, less coercion less restriction. But also, I’ve had to fight against the same society that told me I should really, really, really, not be *this*. So, I feel like we should be able to form some kind of solidarity here.”

I was ready to be mad at the start of the sentence but I actually agree. I just think that solidarity is lost when trans women refuse to acknowledge that society’s insistence that they don’t be like *that* is about gender roles and hatred of gender nonconformity. There is great potential for solidarity between GNC females and feminine trans women, but trans women reject it because they don’t want to be seen as GNC males or acknowledge that other people do. They want to be treated as normal, feminine women, and not doing so counts as misgendering.

CONCERN THREE: ABOLISH GENDER

Natalie argues that, while potentially a good idea, abolishing gender is a Utopian project (/pipe dream), much like abolishing borders. That denying trans people their gender identity because “abolish gender” is much like denying immigrants citizenship because “abolish borders”. It’s targeting the people who are most vulnerable under the present system, and then leveraging that system against them under the pretense of abolishing it.

I’ll concede that abolishing gender (and frankly, radical feminism as a whole) is fairly idealistic. Most radfem goals are incredibly long term and while that’s a good thing in some ways (I’m quite happy to be with a movement that refuses to accept anything less than complete female liberation, rather than some form of feminism that insists it’s only needed outside the west [”We’re already equal! I can vote! Look at the pants I’m wearing”]), it also leads to quite a lot of abstract academic bullshittery, and unreasonable expectations of ideological purity.

I don’t think it’s reasonable to view individual trans people as personally responsible for accomplishing the very long-term goal of abolishing gender. But radical feminism is not about individualism (which a lot of radfems do seem to forget, to be fair). There are radfems who are supportive of trans people; Andrea Dworkin herself supported transition. Only as a bandaid for a much bigger issue (the existence of gender) but she at least felt that trans people should be allowed this bandaid, should be allowed to reduce their suffering in current society in whichever ways they can. Dworkin’s view on this is far from rare and some radfems are even trans themselves. But to get back to the part about radical feminism not being individualistic; while individual trans people are not necessarily an issue for gender abolition, the wider trans community and its current political ventures most definitely is. The entirety of radical feminism is not going to collapse from a singular tran getting a gendered hairstyle, but replacing laws to refer to gender identity rather than sex can absolutely be devastating in the long term (and in the short term, when you look at the amount of protections that female-bodied people lose as a result), and that’s exactly what the trans community is currently pushing for.

Natalie also criticises the fact that gender critical feminists don’t seem to go after, say, Kim Kardashian for promoting gender roles. That they attack trans women with barely any following rather than people with actual power and influence. And I disagree with that, radfems are definitely highly critical of women like Kim Kardashian. But the way Natalie makes this point exposes part of the issue; nobody is going after Kim Kardashian for wearing a dress because Kim Kardashian never made an active choice to start wearing dresses. She experienced female socialisation no differently than any other woman (or, arguably, far more strongly considering who her parents were), so there’s some sympathy to be extended there. She has more responsibility due to her platform, but it’s no easier for her to break out of gender roles whereas trans people, to some extent, knowingly stepped into another gender role.

CONCERN FOUR: MALE PRIVILEGE

Natalie argues that men don’t treat trans women like their equals. That non-passing trans women are not treated like men, but like monsters, and that “male privilege” is not a good description of that experience.

This is one of those things that’s really hard to argue against because there’s an inherent disagreement about gender. Natalie’s insistence that non passing trans women aren’t treated like men comes from preexisting notions that a man is more than simply an adult human male, which is where I disagree. Non passing trans women are treated like men, but that does not mean that men will treat you like an equal; much like straight men can still treat gay men like shit, white men can still treat black men like shit, etc. “Male privilege” has never been a good descriptor of gay men’s experiences with homophobia either, but that doesn’t mean that they don’t have any. There is more than one axis of oppression.

Moving on, Natalie brings up radfems’ skepticism about the whole notion of “passing”. I’m not going to bother to quote it because the entire part is good, but I do have strong feelings about this.

Her argument about gas station attendants and plumbers is completely on point, and I fucking hate it when people try to argue that anyone who reads trans people as their desired sex is simply being polite. It’s genuinely fucking impossible that everyone we run into has been indoctrinated into politically correct gender ideology, and the nerve a lot of radfems have to insist that our genuine life experiences are worthless next to their opinion is downright insulting.

Passing is, in fact, subjective. With my shift in perspective since becoming gender critical, my perception of trans people has changed too. People I used to believe passed flawlessly are now quite noticeably trans to me, but that’s not to say that that’s a result of “breaking free from trans ideology”. Relying on gender roles to identify people’s sex is in fact the cultural norm, and only actively attempting to view things differently (or spending large amounts of time around GNC people) changes that.

CONCERN FIVE: MALE SOCIALISATION

Natalie starts off by acknowledging that she has no idea what it’s like to be catcalled as a nine year old girl, or what that does to a child’s psyche. It did not start happening to her until she was an adult, when she knew what she was getting into and was ready for it. I just want to mention that separately because I just about cried when she said this. Sexual harassment at a young age is one thing I see trans women consistently failing to acknowledge, and an end has just come to the years of frustration I have suffered as the result of this argument going completely unaddressed.

She goes on to argue that socialisation does not stop at childhood; that it is a lifelong process. One example she gave is that her appearance is commented on far more now that she’s transitioned, and that that’s been something she’s had to get used to. I actually think that’s a good point and one that should be considered more, but I’m uncomfortable with the implication she brings when talking about resocialisation, as if childhood socialisation can be erased/redone entirely (which I don’t believe it can).

Then there’s the “trans women don’t experience socialisation the way cis men do” argument. Let me quote this and see if you can spot anything wrong;

“But also, trans women often don’t experience the socialisation the way cis men do. Many trans women are feminine and queer before they transition, and have always experienced a kind of femmephobia that is rooted in misogyny.”

The implication that feminine/queer equates to trans is really harmful, and once again she’s arguing from a different concept of what a man actually is. Not to mention that “femmephobia” is only a thing against men, as women are expected to be feminine.

“Some trans women also identified as women years before transitioning, and internalised society’s messaging about women more than society’s messaging about men. Now that’s still not the same as living in society as a girl from birth, but it’s also pretty different from the socialisation of most cis men.”

Interestingly enough, I initially wrote down “masculine cis men” rather than “most cis men” because that’s what the captions said. I wonder if Natalie realised her unfortunate implication that feminine = trans after uploading her video and decided to change it in the captions, since the words don’t sound all that alike.

She then talks about “stolen valor”, that she suspects that male privilege and male socialisation are such major talking points for gender critical feminists because they feel like it’s an injustice for people to claim their identity without experiencing their oppression. She compares radfems to transmeds; both groups supposedly believe that you need to suffer for your identity to be valid.

Fundamental disagreement about gender is affecting her understanding yet again. Identity-based thinking just can’t be applied to gendercrit ideology at all; the whole point is that gender identity itself is harmful, and that women who consider themselves as such because they are adult human females have extremely different experiences than people who feel that they identify with womanhood regardless of their lack of life experiences actually being female.

[”You didn’t suffer like I’ve suffered! You don’t know what it’s like”] “I’m tempted to strike back by saying that you don’t know what it’s like to occupy an identity so stigmatised that most of the people who are attracted to you in private are too ashamed to admit it in public”

Ever heard of butch lesbians, Natalie?

“You don’t know what it’s like to have a body so non-normative that you’re shut out of whole areas of society”

Cough

CONCERN SIX: REPRODUCTIVE OPPRESSION

I’m getting fucking tired at this point and I hate myself for even writing this long of a reply up until now. Basically, she pulls the good ol’ “not all women experience their womanhood the same way” argument, and then makes a fucking coat hanger abortion joke. I wish I had an in-depth reply to that but I don’t. I honestly don’t have the words to express how angry it makes me that someone who has never even had to deal with even the mere possibility of unwanted pregnancy thinks they have any place to joke about the horrific lengths women were forced to go to as a result of their reproductive oppression.

CONCERN SEVEN: ERASING FEMALE VOCABULARY

Through her assumption that feminism is a mere shield for gender critical radfems to hide their transphobia behind, Natalie is disregarding the actual feminist motivations behind opposing gender-neutral language. I mean, she literally does not even touch on it, she only says that nobody has any issue with individual women referring to themselves as women rather than “menstruators” (or, by her suggestion, “people who menstruate”).

Medical lingo is complicated, and I understand wanting to ensure that trans people do not lose insurance coverage when they change their legal sex. I don’t believe that changing all medical language to be gender neutral is the only possible solution there, but at the end of the day doctors are gonna know the difference between male and female anatomy even if their textbooks talk about “pregnant people”. Medical language is not the issue here, it’s the expectation that this language becomes commonplace everywhere, including in feminist discourse. That’s the point where female vocabulary is erased, and where it becomes impossible for women to discuss the reasons for their oppression. Menstruation and pregnancy are not “gender neutral” issues when it comes to institutional oppression, and we should not treat them as such.

Moving on, let me quote her directly:

“I have no problem with cis feminists discussing or celebrating periods or wearing pussy hats at political marches. […] I totally get why cis feminists would want to celebrate their reproductive anatomy in defiance of a society that routinely shames and subjugates them for it. The problem arises only when menstruation or reproductive anatomy are used to misgender trans men or exclude [women who don’t bleed].”

The assumption wasn’t that every individual trans woman takes issue with women discussing their anatomy, so “I don’t have a problem with it” is not an argument. I mean, you’re obviously free to say it to get people off your back about it, but it does not debunk radfem concerns when there absolutely are trans women who believe it’s “terfy” and “exclusionary” to talk about issues that only affect “cis” women. That last point is a funny one, despite all the inclusive language trans women regularly forget that menstruation is not a cis thing. And that’s an issue Natalie appears to suffer from too, unless this was unfortunate phrasing and we were just meant to assume that trans men talking about periods is not up for discussion. Either way, it’s clear that inclusive language is clunky to everyone, the mistakes that are acceptable to make just depend on which side you’re on.

CONCERN EIGHT: TERF IS A SLUR

Natalie uses an interesting definition of “slur” here: “a pejorative that targets someone’s race, religion, gender, or sexuality”. I say interesting because I can’t find it anywhere. I could find “an insinuation or allegation about someone that is likely to insult them or damage their reputation.”, “an insulting or disparaging remark or innuendo”, “a derogatory or insulting term applied to particular group of people”, but not hers. Presumably because she made it up herself (and haf-assedly at that, did you forget disabled people exist Natalie?) knowing that all of the former definitions would, in fact, consider TERF to be a slur.

Now I’ll be honest, I’m not a fan of the whole “TERF is a slur” thing. I’ve seen someone use that to say “if you call me TERF I can call you tranny”. I don’t think being called a TERF (which I have plenty of experience with) should be considered to be comparable to being called a tranny or a bitch. TERF has become essentially meaningless and is an inaccurate term roughly 95% of the time it’s used, but it is meant to have a meaning (”this person excludes trans people from their feminism”), whereas other slurs don’t tend to have any message aside from “this person belongs to a minority and I want to insult them for it”. I’m not ignorant to the fact that it’s often used as a synonym for “lesbian” though, and that it absolutely is used insultingly and with the intent to ruin a person’s reputation, so I’ll stay in my lane on that.

After comparing “gender critical” to “race realist” and mentioning a general refusal to use these terms as to not legitimise bigotry, Natalie explains that she has very little patience for “TERF requests for linguistic decorum” because of the “maximally hurtful, harmful, and insulting” language that radfems use to talk about trans people (eg, referring to transition-related surgeries as mutilation, and the terms “TIM” and “TIF”).

I have some thoughts on this because, while I fucking hate these terms, Natalie’s disdain for them is hypocritical. She just acknowledged that using certain language legitimises the ideologies behind them, and that’s exactly why “TIM” and “TIF” were born. Referring to trans women as trans women while also insisting that woman means adult human female, something trans women do not fall under, did not work out well for radfems in the past. Conceding linguistic ground merely for the sake of respect essentially meant they’d instantly lose that argument, an argument that is in fact extremely important for feminism. I justify using technically incorrect terms (including pronouns) to refer to trans people because I’m trans myself, I understand what it’s like to be dysphoric and I believe that signaling that level of respect can at times be essential to get people to listen. But this is not an apolitical issue and as much as I despise being referred to as a “TIF”, I can’t blame that term’s existence on hatred.

Natalie concludes her video by being “real” about what the core of the gender critical movement is actually about: transphobia. Visceral disgust and hatred for trans people’s very existence.

And you know, for some people that definitely is the case. But this isn’t where I concede that I’ve been faking trandom to give credibility to my transphobia, or where I break down, admitting that I’ve based my entire political stance on pure self hatred (I mean lord knows I have enough of it, but nah that’s not what happened). The reality is that there are gender critical trans people (including trans women), and I’d dare suggest that we are not the only ones who believe in gender critical ideology for reasons other than transphobia.

In conclusion, this video is just another rebuttal against a strawman of “TERF beliefs” which never even attempts to treat them as genuine, only as ignorance that is easily educated away, or hatred that can’t be argued with regardless. I can’t say I’m disappointed with this video (it’s certainly not lower quality than I’d expect from contrapoints) but I am disappointed with the political climate where this is the furthest any outsider is willing to go to debate against gender critical ideology.

[danielxrk]

            ✞ TEAM F2 * POP VS KPOP MASHUP  { lines & times  }

( * mentioned, some very briefly: @rkheejin @rkxsungwoon @rkpjy @rkjeonghxn @jacksxnrk @rkyq @rkminhyun @hyojinrk @ericxrk @rkmason @rkeunji @rkkhg )

daniel has a bad feeling about these results. he wants to trust his and heejin's performance at the very least-- to believe that at the very least her superior vocal prowess carried him through, but as he's always said in this competition: nothing is guaranteed. no, he hopes they're in the top of the performances this time. he wants to taste it, at least once, and with heejin's voice and a performance he's proud of...why couldn't they be?

no, more than him, he's worried for empty enigma, and even with heejin beside him, without their hands to hold in the tension of impending results he feels...entirely alone-- empty, maybe, even though he knows they're still here. they're still in this together, and they're lucky for that, but they feel so far apart now. he didn't even get to see much of the others this week, everyone too preoccupied with their own performances to mingle together like usual. he's afraid the distance will only grow, and not with more performances, but with an elimination. daniel hopes he's wrong. he wants empty enigma to go to the end-- for a company to see their potential as a team and sign them together. that's the dream, but even for as idealistic as daniel is, he knows better than to expect it. at some point they just might push their luck past its limit.

he holds his breath as the top three are called, hoping (regrettably not praying; he should've) to hear the name of someone in empty enigma-- for one of them to finally be acknowledged for their efforts, but there's nothing. instead, he's surprised to hear that everyone called as part of the top three are performances he was silently critical of, and this comes with the sinking reminder that he really doesn't know anything at all. he is still an outlier in this industry, still so clueless and unadjusted, so misguided and...delusional. maybe he let one performance he was proud of get to his head, and suddenly, all of his confidence is gone.

he looks over at heejin, and he wants to say something comforting, but he can't find his voice, so he looks away again, staring at some point between his feet and the stage. he just doesn't want to send heejin home, and he doesn't want to see sungwoon go home either. he can make peace with everything else. he thinks he can. the first duo eliminated is no real blow to him, nor no real surprise to him either. he's sad to see jinyoung go, but jeonghan on the other hand...comes as a relief. he won't have to see him and his eyes boring into him any longer. he can accept the second as well, even though he wanted success for jackson, both of them returning from the first season of the mgas. (part of his feelings with moonbok resurface. who is he, to earn a position while they don't? he feels less of it thanks to heejin-- knows she deserves to stay, even if he doesn't.)

the third elimination is the kicker. his heart sinks, even though he felt this coming on. aside from the gutting that minhyun's elimination is, he's also confused. minhyun and yuqi's performance was probably daniel's favorite, and yet...? his earlier crisis is amplified; he's forced to reassess everything he thought he knew in this competition, and forced to confront the reality that empty enigma will not be getting signed together, and boy, daniel has always hated confrontation.

yet katie lee sparks that hope back up in him, only for daniel to snuff it out as soon as it appears, only so he isn't disappointed a second time. it's not for lack of faith in minhyun's ability to return to them, but for the need to prepare for the worst, and accept the current result. there are many people in this competition better than daniel, and some of them even better than his friends, if daniel is objective, and if today has proven anything, it's that his eye for talent is practically nonexistent. the judges' agenda vastly differs from his own, and he'd do well to only expect as much going forward.

he still stands when it's all over, and bows to heejin. aside from the difficult elimination results, it'll be difficult to part from her as well-- strange to fill his time practicing with someone else after the routines they've established. "i'm sure you'll do well next round. i already know you'll be top three. i'll be cheering for you."

then, he finds himself at minhyun's side, easily. he pulls him into a hug once everyone else is finished fussing over him, and stays there for a moment. "you did well," he mutters. "thank you for coming with me." he doesn't think he could've done this without all of empty enigma behind him-- all of them with him, and he knows he wouldn't want to even if he could. it took him a while to get used to minhyun on stage, and it took watching him here to realize he belongs there. he hopes minhyun realizes that now, too. if this is the end, daniel will miss seeing him there week by week, but he hopes there's more for them-- that this is a see you back on stage again soon.

he pulls away from the hug, hands still gripping minhyun's arms, and he grins at him. "do your best."

hyojin finds him soon after, and when the dust from the rest of it clears, he's really happy to be paired with him. hyojin is someone he already knows, albeit not very well; he has the unique experience of knowing how he is on stage too-- a rarity for daniel, aside from his bandmates and anyone he shared a stage with on the mgas. he isn't one to perform with others often, always one to keep to himself, though there have been a few times with close friends. even then, it's not really...out in public, like their spontaneous street performance of fear was. he still doesn't know what possessed him to offer to rap back then, other than to get more practice, but now, he thinks it might've just been fate, or at risk of sounding like a biblethumper, divine intervention. the holy spirit, or something. either way, he's positively sure crossing paths with hyojin again here is meant to be, and he intends to make the most of it.

he takes hyojin's extended hand and shakes it, firmly at first, and then a few times after, just to properly convey his excitement, grin wide. "we do! i had a feeling we would," and his smile becomes more mischievous. "let's do well!"

working with hyojin has none of the intimidation working with heejin did, and none of the safety net, either. with it is a desperation to do better. it's not that hyojin isn't talented, it's just that the judges haven't acknowledged either of them yet, and it leads daniel to believe they're fighting for mere survival more than a spot in the top three. it doesn't sit well with him, resigning to that much, but he doesn't want to set his expectations too high, especially with minhyun's elimination and his confidence in his knowledge here taking a hit.

with hyojin, he feels less fear in giving out suggestions, though he thinks both of them are similar, and it leaves some awkward moments that daniel finds something close to comical. he's sure they'll get used to each other in time; he likes hyojin, and he's excited to work with him.

but none of daniel's suggestions quite feel right. they either focus too much on himself or on hyojin, and there are too many options, like he's dug himself into a hole by refusing to pick between singing and rap. he's immensely indecisive, but he tries to paint it as a strength to hyojin even though it's likely very clear he's metaphorically pulling his hair out. hyojin still kindly offers his input, gently, and daniel grows to appreciate his insight and company even more. if there's one thing that's certain, it's their strength in instruments, and daniel finds comfort in this shared boon. it seems only fitting to make use of it. they play chords together, as if that'll bring some idea to mind, but even if it doesn't, daniel finds it reassuring-- good bonding, building of much needed team synergy going forward.

but really, when he's honest, there is something he's wanted to do from the start, he just hasn't mentioned it because he doesn't know how to get it done in actuality during this timeframe. still, it's where his heart and thoughts always end up, so he expresses it, knowing hyojin will gently turn it down if he thinks it's too difficult or unrealistic. "what about a mashup?" he says, and hyojin likes it, and daniel's expression brightens. "really?" and hyojin agrees, and daniel doesn't know what he did to earn two partners saying yes to his ideas in a row. he only hopes they'll pay off like they did last year.

this mutual agreement doesn't mean it's easy, because now is the matter of which songs to use, and daniel asks hyojin if he can speak english. daniel hasn't sung in english yet this season aside from his very first audition, and it seems like a side of himself he needs to show. hyojin, however, does not know english, and seems set on a kpop song, so...a dilemma, but one daniel solves without too much trouble. they're doing a mashup, right? so why not both?

they hit the ground running after that, and choose to split themselves, daniel searching for popular english songs that he'd like to include, and hyojin doing the same for kpop. when they come back together again, they settle on a key to transpose them all into, and throw out the ones that won't fit. they'll alternate between kpop and english, they decide, like it's a battle to see which one will turn out superior in the end, but they'll swap sides at the very end, evidence that all music should be enjoyed, regardless of language.

that's the concept, anyway. daniel doesn't know if it will translate well to the stage, but he hopes so, and as he and hyojin work on the instrumental to layer the chosen songs over, and settle the order, he's excited to bring it there.

the week's episode airs, and all of daniel's excitement and confidence wavers once again. youngjae's comment breaks him down-- makes him think about his own incompetence and his motives and everything he put off thinking about. of course it would come up. it makes sense, but somehow he hoped he could slip by without ever having to deal with it. a repeat. is this performance a repeat too? they plan to use their instruments, so maybe so. the mashup is different, though, and he hopes it's interesting enough to make anyone sharing youngjae's sentiments second-guess them.

so he does the only thing he can: pushes onward, and decides if he's going to go out for being repetitive, or a one trick pony, or there for the wrong reasons, it'll be doing what he wants to do. he's honest with hyojin about his troubles regardless, in case hyojin has his own doubts, though he's sure to skate around the details about why empty enigma are there. it's just that repeating becomes a theme-- repeating performances, repeating all of the negative comments in his head, repeating practice over and over. hyojin wants to do this just as much as daniel does, though however, so daniel vows to do his best. he's spent his entire life making his choices based on what others want for him, and their opinions, and this time...he doesn't want to care. this time, he'll show his true self, and give it everything he has, as he's done this entire season.

among it all, hyojin wants them to come up with a team name, and historically, daniel has been bad with this. both his first collaboration this season and last season didn't have a team name at all. still, he throws out some lackluster suggestions, hoping to god that hyojin will take this responsibility from him, and eventually, he does. "i don't know what boys over flowers is," he admits with a laugh, though maybe he heard his little sister talking about it. still, when he suggests f2, he likes it. "f2 is a chord!" and he grins. "it has two different meanings. i like that." they come up with an intro then, and daniel humorously cringes at hyojin's suggestion for it, but lets him have it. it's not so bad. "what if we play the f2 chord during it?" daniel adds, determined for both meanings to come across, and hyojin agrees. daniel perks up. not so bad at all.

he finds himself back in a familiar recording booth, and as before, he's willing to teach hyojin anything he wants to know about recording that he doesn't know already. by now, conversation flows easily, and he feels as confident in their budding friendship as he does their performance (which admittedly, still has it's lacking moments; that applies to both.) daniel records a little a little background bass, and gets the drum machine set for its appropriate parts, and hyojin records the driving snap beat for the earl parts. they decide to record a version of the full instrumental too, just in case. daniel makes sure hyojin's settings are the best they can be on all of the equipment when it's time for him to play the keyboard, and then records the acoustic guitar himself. all that's left is the finishing touches-- turning up the levels that are too quiet, and turning down the ones that dominate the track, and any final tiny instrument parts, and then all that's left to do is practice-- and then kill it, of course.

it's a familiar routine by now, and as such, the decreasing number of chairs doesn't shake daniel as much as it did before. it's still noticeable, however, and still a reminder that he's survived above so many others; he's both honored and confused. he knows he hasn't earned his place yet, but he hopes after today, he'll be one step closer.

he's equal parts terrified and in awe that minho is so close to him, and he stares longer than he should. he's sure to bow to him, multiple times, as he feels is appropriate, before they sit down. daniel is delighted to find sungwoon not so far away from him either, and in a verging on foolish act of bravery only sungwoon could inspire, leans forward and waves to him when he catches his gaze, even with eunji in between them, still unsure of where they stand. he always wishes sungwoon was closer, but if waving at him before performances begin must become a tradition, so be it. hyunggu takes a seat next to him too, and he's an extremely familiar face by now, so much so that daniel finds it easy to give him a smile and chat with him while everyone is getting settled when he isn't doing so with hyojin. even when performances begin, he does the same, splitting his attention between hyojin and hyunggu, this time happily caught between two (friends?) willing to converse to fill the transitions between performances. daniel is sure to only comment on anything if he has something positive to say, mindful of both his manners and likelihood to get evil edited given any out of place remark.

and boy, does he have a lot to say about minho, quelled into silence by the sheer power of all of his performances, as always. for a moment after they finish, his smile disappears, jaw clenched, expression equal parts subtle worry and underlying determination, but soon he smiles again, even if it's not entirely wholehearted. "tough act to follow," he admits to hyojin with a laugh, sounding free of nerves even though he's far from it. "we can do it," he decides, just as much for his own resolve as his partner's, and he pats hyojin on the back before they gather their instruments and take to the stage.

they set up at a slant, angled to face each other just enough to not alienate the audience or judges, a microphone stand each in front of them though they considered a single one to really drive home the sing-off aspect. instead, they opted for guaranteed sound quality, and so here they are, ready, standing in front of the judges. he says "f2!" along with hyojin, and plays the chord on his guitar with a big grin and slightly dramatic flair. "you're excited to see what we'll do next, right? i'm #5017, kang daniel!" and hyojin finishes off with his cheesy, albeit appropriate introduction. all that's left is to return to their spots, and he gives hyojin a single nod of assurance before they begin.

it starts off with about four measures of a guitar intro, courtesy of daniel, and he's in his element-- playing guitar as an accompaniment to a powerful voice, hyojin starting them off with boy with luv. daniel's contribution comes next, along with the introduction of their first simple beat.

thought i'd end up with sean but he wasn't a match wrote some songs about ricky now i listen and laugh

he could've changed the names in thank you next, maybe pulling a taylor swift and calling out his exes and the mess of his past relationships that he was still thankful for. in the end, he'd have to change all the lyrics to get the names to fit, so he decided to go with the original. part of his reasoning is that line about ricky, considering...he kissed a guy named ricky at the beginning of this year, and the aftermath has been...complicated, or at least it is in his head. he doesn't consider him and ricky anything close to exes, but it was...something, regardless, and he owes ricky the respect of not writing it off as much as he's inclined to. he doubts ricky will appreciate this reference, if he hears it, but daniel couldn't help but appreciate a good irony (coincidence) and couldn't resist including it. besides, thank you next is an iconic enough song to end up on this list without any reasoning, and he has written a song about ricky. maybe eventually they'll be able to listen and laugh. he sings the familiar "ohs" of boy in luv to finish out his verse.

they switch back to hyojin, singing a brief snippet of kill this love, previous beat replaced by that driving snap, and the ball is back in daniel's court all too quickly, with the return of the previous beat, and those intertwining ohs once again.

oh oh oh oh the club isn't the best place to find a lover so the bar is where i go me and my friends at the table doing shots drinking fast and then we talk slow

daniel didn't choose these songs based on lyrical content for the most part, just the ones he liked, and ones he thought were popular, since hyojin was worried about them suffering for choosing more unknown songs. however, he still feels he can relate in this, an ode to empty enigma (though squall at least has certainly found lovers in clubs) and the countless times they've gone out to get drinks, or followed up shows with them, all fond memories.

after the slow the beat becomes the same, and drops out in what is one of daniel's proudest moments of the production. he leans into it, and lit eads the into dalla dalla, and a harder drum beat, still layered over the snapping. now, he lends his voice to harmonize with hyojin's for the first time, the first evidence of their kpop and english pop worlds colliding, as they're meant to.

the beat builds up and drops down, beat more pressing, heavier bassline, and daniel steps up to deliver his most challenging vocal part, which might be his favorite of the performance, though he loves everything left until the end:

versace on the floor ooh take it off for me, for me, for me, for me now, girl versace on the floor

it's risky in so many ways-- more provocative than daniel typical tries, testing his range more than daniel typically attempts, but if he wants to improve he can't play it safe. he needs to push his boundaries, and prove he's capable of more than anyone has seen from him week after week, and this is new. even with all the practice he put in for this part alone, he isn't perfect; his voice never is, but it's good enough-- no cracks, no glaring mistakes. (maybe this choice wasn't just based on liking the song, but a lyrical one too-- brief glimpse of bravado, cameo making an appearance, trusty as always, and he does his best to sell it. he's had practice in that too.)

the beat drops again, layered over hyojin's keyboard, getting the chance to really shine, and they go into a song daniel liked even before this competition: rooftop. he nearly rapped his first audition to this song, and admittedly didn't know much of the other songs hyojin chose before he gave him a much needed kpop crash course. he harmonizes again happily, and it shows on his face.

there's a twist this time, however, and instead of flipping back to an english song, it's daniel carrying them into fancy with the help of hyojin's harmony on that first fancy.

fancy you, who cares if who likes first

it's a short line, simple because they wanted an ode to tooice's recent release, which daniel now knows was very popular. he likes singing it, but more importantly, he likes what it leads up to: chandelier, hyojin's killing part. his vocals are spectacular, never the same, totally unique (but legitimately. no lies nor memes detected.)

they end off with another harmony, voices blending together in their final note, and when they're finished, in that beat of silence before the clapping comes, daniel looks at hyojin and grins.

they rush off stage, and daniel feels pride, even if nerves still linger too. he couldn't have come up with a better performance than this round, so he has no regrets, and knows he did his absolute best; he just doesn't know of that will be enough to keep them afloat in the competition. hyojin's words shake him out of his thoughts, however, and he returns them with a smile and a, "you too!" that he wholeheartedly means. he takes his partner's pinky and links it with his own. let's meet again. "we will," and he means that just as much.

[skeletonwoman]

Cotton Eye Thor (Thor)

this was a req!! Yay!!

Request:  I absolutely loved “Your Face” and was wondering if you could write another Thor imagine taking place right after Ragnarok where the reader and Thor are reunited for the first time since Thor loses his father, his eye, etc. and he breaks down and the reader comforts him. Super super fluffy please ❤️ (If it fits, could the reader be Tony’s daughter? But if it would just be irrelevant you can leave that out, whatever you think is best). Thanks

i hope you like it! it took days  to complete

HELLA RAGNAROK SPOILERS EVERYBODY. HELLA. ;)

“It was a ski trip,” you snarl, barely holding back your rage. “It wasn’t a f*cking declaration.”

Tony laughs, completely ignoring your words as he regales Pepper with your best moments from the weekend.

You’re so stupid. A few PhD’s and suddenly you think you can handle a delusional Stark?

“Seriously Tony,” you growl and he sighs, shooting Pepper a look before he turns toward you. You can see the small curve to her mouth, as if it’s all so adorable.

“Daughter-”

“Nope.”

“I’m having a conversation, what do you need?”

He says it so calmly. As if it’s no big deal.

You’re so stupid. No ski trip is worth this. Well… This one you just went on was fan-f*cking-tastic.

“I need you to stop calling me your daughter. Someones going to hear it and think it’s genuinely true.” You try to give him a serious look, that this is a serious issue and he smirks.

“Shall I list the evidence,” he begins, his Jarvis imitating voice out in full force. Asshole. “Your genius brain? Obviously from me. You have my mothers eyes. You’re a tiny ball of rage, just like I used to be- but I covered it with sarcasm rather than your outright hostility.” He grimaces and your teeth clench. “You’re easily the right age. And Fate somehow dropped you into my arms when you needed me most. The only thing we haven’t done is a DNA test because you’re afraid it’ll be positive and you’ll be my daughter and I’m afraid it’ll be negative and you’ll truly push me away.”

He grins widely and your anger melts away.

You want to say something, to ease him but there’s nothing you can say.

Pepper moves half a step closer, her palms smoothing over his shoulders and he subtly leans into her touch. Under her hands, his entire being softens and you sigh with relief.

Turning, you come face to face with your most favourite person in the entire universe. Of all the galaxies and stars and planets and peoples. This is your favourite.

And he looks like shit.

But even shit, he’s still yours. And you’re his- despite how much being his sucks. 

“My love!” Thor booms playfully and you throw yourself into his arms, your legs wrapping around his waist. “I have missed you!”

“Okay, that’s my kid, bro,” Tony grumbles and you scoff, your eyes glued to your best friends face as you stroke your fingers through his hair.

“I’ve missed you too,” you hum, and he beams at you. Tony makes another grumbly sound and you roll your eyes- brightening Thors smile.

“Where’ve you been, anyway?” Tony asks and you frown slightly, shifting slightly. Thor releases you slowly, your body dragging down his a touch more than necessary.

You note that Tony makes an indignant noise about this as well.

“Out, about.” He waves a vague hand, still holding you tight to his body with the other. He catches your gaze, “would you like to go watch Greys Anatomy? Where I have been, I have not kept up.”

You frown slightly, your gaze darting about his face before you swallow.

“Of course, there’s been two new seasons since I last saw you, gorgeous. You’ll never guess what’s gone down.”

He smirks knowingly before hefting you with a firemans lift over his shoulder. Your surprised squeak bursts into a laugh and you smack his ass hard.

“You have to ask!” You shout, smacking him again and he moans exaggeratedly.

“Harder! Yeah, baby!”

“I hate both of you,” Tony snarls and Pepper laughs softly. Your view of them disappears around a corner and Thors shoulders suddenly soften under your stomach.

“Thor?”

“Not yet,” he murmurs and you smooth your palms over his back reassuringly.

“Is this where we left off?” You ask, glancing from the screen to Thors face. He nods, tension around his eyes and you crawl up the bed. Collapsing against his side, you gently palm his cheek and smooth your thumb against his temple. “How’d this happen?”

His head tilts into your palm and his remaining eye falls closed.

“I…” He exhales a heavy breath and presses a kiss to your wrist. “I had a vision when we first met Wanda, when she… Gave those dark visions to everyone, I saw something. After that I went-” He shakes his head. “Erik Selvig tracked down a location for me and I induced another vision, that confirmed my fears. That Asgard would fall under the curse of Ragnarok.”

Your mouth falls open and you stare at his still closed eye.

“Did… Was…”

“I followed the clues to Surtur, the creature that was foretold to ruin Asgard and I defeated him. Took his helmet-crown-thing. I returned to Asgard on his warning and… Loki lives.”

You gasp audibly this time, and his lips twitch with the beginnings of a smile. His gaze catches yours and you raise your eyebrows.

“Yes. He had sent my father to Midgard, imprisoned him in an old persons home and worn my fathers guise and ruled in his stead. After I made him reveal himself we went in search of father. Met a Mr Strange. He was… A ridiculous little man.”

You giggle, your thumb running over his temple again. You’re familiar with Strange.

“Father gave us a vague message that his lifeforce was holding back a monstrous sister we had never met and that he lied about history. Then he died. And our sister arrived. Her name’s Hela and she’s the worst. She pushed us out of the Bifrost while trying to murder us and we ended up on a trash planet, Sakaar. I was enslaved into a fighting ring, my brother slept with the leader of the planet- he’ll never admit it. I found the Hulk, and a Valkyrie, the last of her kind- turns out my sister exterminated the lot of them. We escaped to Asgard, rescued the people, set off Surtur and he destroyed the planet while my sister- whos life force was tied to the planet, fought and died.” He coughs, blinking hard as if just noticing the tear tracks burning down his temples. “My brother lived, Banner lived, Heimdall lived. I don’t… know why I am so emotional.”

His arms encircle you, cuddling you against his chest while he buries his face into the crook of your neck.

“I missed you, more than I thought I would. Every time I went to sleep I wondered whether you were asleep too, whether you missed me, how soon it would be until I could come back to you.” He presses a dry kiss to your neck. “After it all happened, I had- I have a planet of men and women to find homes for. We have settled them on an island here but I don’t think this is forever, there is too many people on your planet already.”

“You’re going to find them a new planet? An second Asgard?” You tilt away from him to catch his eye and he mumbles an agreement. “And you’ll…”

“When I find it, I’ll have to remain there, as king.” His palm smooths up your back and into your hair. “I’ll also…” He clears his throat and his gaze darts from your face to the show playing in the background then back to you. “I will need a queen, to start a family- assure my peoples futures but-”

Are- can he hear your heart? You can hear it. Surely he can hear it. Hear it stopping, breaking, going too fast, cracking. Something. Somethings wrong. He’s still talking when you sit up, pushing back out of his grip.

The change is instantaneous, from nervous to panicked. Worried to fearful.

“Y/N,” he blurts and you hold up a palm.

He needs a broodmare. A pedigree bitch. Whatever animal breeding metaphor that comes to mind.

“I need-”

“I need you,” he cuts in, his hand cupping your jaw as he sits up. “I need you with me, because I can’t be a king, be anything for anyone if I’m not with you.”

“You just said-”

“That I need a wife and family, but I want you. And you can give me- be those things for me. Right? If you wanted- me, if you wanted me.” He expels a hard sigh, relief evident and you find yourself smiling. Somehow.

He wants you.

Despite everything, he wants you, wants you.

You’ve never kissed him.

He’s practically proposed and you’ve never even kissed him.

Your fingers bury themselves in his hair as you tug him to you, your lips finding his in a rushed kiss. For a moment, it’s messy and awkward and your heartrate spikes. You’re going to marry this- then it softens. And his hands are sliding around your waist while his tongue strokes into your mouth. And you’re on your knees, braced over his lap while his hands smooth over your ass- then squeeze.

A giggle pulls you apart and you can’t help beaming when your gazes clash. His grin is too smug but you can’t help but feel it too.

“I love you and I want you to be my queen. Will you consent to marrying me? Now or in the future?” He pauses for half a second- no time for you to answer. “Preferably sooner, we are in a lull that I am sure will not last. Should anything happen I want you to be cared for, you are my heart and my people must know it.”

“Tony would look after me- not that that matters right now, but Tony would look after me.”

He frowns, nodding but keeping his lips sealed. After another moment of silence it hits you.

“Oh! Yes, yes! I will, I’ll- Yeah, lets get married and do all the things that come with it. Queen, whatnot.”

To see the look on his face after you agree, you’d suffer a hundred royal positions. A thousand. Anything to have that moment forever.

Actually…

“FRIDAY! Do you have playback in the rooms?”

“On one minute loops, Miss.” Comes the automated voice and you sigh happily.

“I want a record of this last minute. I want the minute before I asked you about playbacks.”

“Yes, Miss. It has been sent to your tablet as an AVI.”

Scrambling off your new fiances lap, you snatch your tablet from beside the bed and crawl back up beside him. On screen, you can see his face clearly where your back is to the camera. Your position brings warmth to your cheeks, though it might have something to do with the soft kisses he’s placing on your neck. Your on screen self nods and… There.

“I love you, by the way. I love you too,” you say, dropping the tablet behind you and climbing back aboard him. “I love you and want to marry you. And Friday, I want this few seconds as a clip too.”

“Yes, Miss.”

I didn’t edit it in my excitement to finally post and be done etc so i guess just f*cking kill me if it’s riddled with mistakes (they often are- it’s like my thing at this point)

[mirrorfalls]

Lego Liveblogs ST: TOS, part 12 (of who-the-hell-knows-how-many?)

Lotta high hopes riding on this one, folks, in spite of the permanently-Simpsons-tarred villain name. Will they wind up breaking the Conscience of the King? Let’s find out.

* Easily the least science fiction-y opening we’ve had so far: no Enterprise bridge, no stars, just a single line of dialogue this is an Earth play being done by non-Earthlings. * Aww, Kirk’s pals with Nick Fury! * So the inspiration for this one isn’t hard to figure - fugitive Nazi hunts were all the rage back in the ‘60s. Which makes it all the more interesting how eager Kirk is to brush the whole thing off. * The best forensics Starfleet has to offer... what, couldn’t even get fingerprints for comparison? * Hope you’re read up on your Poe too, good Captain. You oughta know what happens to Lenores... * Woo. Now there’s a mood-killer. ** I swear, if it turns out he faked his death just to guilt Kirk into investigating... * Now, now, Mr. Spock. Green isn’t your color. * “The regulations are very clear about taking on passengers... especially after that Charlie kid passed through.” * Another benchmark (I think) the first solo Spock-Bones dialog. ** “Now I know why they were conquered.” Jesus, Bones, I thought you were past your racist phase! * So... the tour scene. I can practically feel the effort dripping off every word of the script, but it still falls a ways short of actually convincing me Kirk has any  emotional investment in this, rather than just stringing her along for leads. At the very least, they could’ve found a slightly more organic metaphor to tie into the idea of Kirk being chained by his command. * In contrast, this very next scene is something that shouldn’t work but does: Spock spits out the entire story behind Kirk’s behavior in roughly two minutes, before the episode’s even halfway done. Part of it is Nimoy, letting just the right amount of “fuck Vulcan culture, I have things to say about eugenics” fury seep through, and the other part is all in the script: Kodos’ butchery is one of those things that looks kiiiiinda reasonable if you’re in the ruler’s seat, and absolutely goddamn horrifying from literally any other POV. Both options, at least on paper, could driving Kirk’s own stake in this whole thing. * Oh hey, it’s the Irish guy from The Naked Time! Welcome to the “only people who can hang Kodos (assuming he’s still alive)” club! ** Aaaaaand goodbye. Really, hanging out in that big a room by yourself, you were kinda asking for it. ** (Also: Windex in his milk is a hilariously Realistic(tm) way of going about it, but I kinda wish they tried ear-poison for full Shakespeare points.) ** (Also also: Why do I get the feeling someone on-set probably cracked a “Christ, Uhura’s singing was that bad?!”) * So Bones and Spock confront Kirk over... something. I’m theoretically happy that the script isn’t taking the easy way out and making them go “You’re just seeing things, Jim!”, but the whole oooh-Kirk-might-snap thing isn’t much good for building suspense, since at this point Kirk still insists on taking the investigation slow. Hell, if anything they should be dragging him over not putting more men on the case! * And now, Kirk and Spock reenact me searching for my car keys * Alright, we’re deep in the third act now, so let’s get that face-to-face showdown going. I’m sure Kirk’s carefully arranged the most subtle, intricate questions for teasing out- ** Or he could just ask him “Are you Kodos?” point-blank. Captain’s privilege. ** In all seriousness, this scene jumps out to me for one reason: neither of these men needs to go this far. All Kirk needs is a straightforward voice-print; all Kodos (or is he?!) needs is to go “Oh gee, this Kodos of yours sounds like a douche! Sure hope he’s gone for good!” Instead, they lay all their cards out, because tiptoeing around their motives feels inherently repugnant; what they’re doing is Right, element of surprise be damned. * Alas, we end the act not on this, but on another goddamn sitcom cue of ~Lieutenant NPC overhearing something~ * Alright, so I guess this thirty-second sideshow is meant to prove how Kirk is still keeping a level head, but it’s a bit dulled by this being the exact part where the script tosses out any ambiguity. He is Kodos... and it looks like Murder For The Greater Good runs in the family. * Still, whatever problems I have with the script (which is getting less morally nuanced by the second), Lenore’s actress sells the hell out of her being genuinely delusional enough to think murdering people to cover someone’s tracks is equivalent to being a Soldier In A Cause. ** And I’ll admit: “The play’s over. It’s been over for twenty years.” is an absolute banger of a line. * Welp. ** C’mon, guys, I know you remastered this - couldn’t you have made it look even slightly less like she shot him on purpose? *** Unless... that was the point...? * Even if it was, though, this finale tips things from Unsettling to Just Plain Silly - rambling famous Shakespeare lines does not a compelling breakdown make, guys. ** And on top of that, because Females Are More Innocent, she doesn’t even have to live with what she’s done. * “You really cared for her, didn't you?” “I had about two-and-a-half scenes with her, Bones. What do you think?”

This play’s the thing, all right - it’s not quite as good as Balance of Terror, but it aims just as high, if not higher, and it get more than halfway there. Whatever my problems with the direction or Lenore (who’s a bit of a nonentity before the last act - I couldn’t even buy into her having a fake romance with Kirk), Shatner’s clearly having an absolute ball doing Shakespeare in Space, and Kodos’ actor brings a kind of pained gravitas that even the Romulan Commander never quite hit, almost enough to make you forget he massacred 4,000 innocents and didn’t even have the guts to own up to it until the very last second.

And more important than any of that, this is probably the biggest plank in Kirk’s backstory we’ll ever get: past friends and flames will definitely be walking onto the Enterprise for years to come, but none of them could cast such a haunting lens onto every action he takes from here on out. His Captaincy isn’t just a matter of playing hero or serving the Federation, but because he personally saw what horrors the self-righteous and powerful can wreak - and, so long as there’s a single breath left in him, vows he’ll never see again.

Next: Seven men walk into a planet...

[funkymbtifiction]

Hi, Charity! I have been having an identity crisis lately. (Yet another of many in the past year of a lot of self discovery and doubt). I spent quite a while thinking I was either enfp or infp, after retyping myself several times from intp to intj to infj and then xnfp. But recently I became convinced that I am an infj and was right in my typing when I first learnt about the underlying cognitive functions (intx was pretty much just from online tests). I know this sounds very vague so far and I’m not giving any details of why or how.

Hey, Mar.

Wish your e-mail address had worked, so we could have this talk in private. :)

Since you were vague in your descriptions of Ne/Ni, I wasn't able to tell which one appears to be dominant, but here’s a few thoughts reaped from the post:

I struggle with seeing myself clearly, but I don’t know if it’s because of Fe or because I’ve had a tough family situation growing up where I was basically not allowed to have an identity separate from my caretakers. I am easily swayed by other people’s opinions and start to doubt my convictions but again, don’t know if it’s Fe or poor self-confidence (or both?).

It could be Fe if you allow other people’s emotions to cloud yours, or it could be the Ne-dom problem of being unable to see yourself clearly. Every single Ne-dom I've ever known / talked to, myself included, had a hell of a time finding their own type and still cannot see themselves very clearly, because Ne is so busy gaining 'outside perspectives' 24/7 and has such poor self-awareness (inferior Si) that it tends to believe whatever idea anyone throws at it about themselves, even if it doesn't match who they are. The idea just sticks to them and them being a Ne/Si, they cannot properly filter it out (Si: Hey, I’m not like that!).

I could especially relate, among other things, to that sense of impending doom and being stuck in the same situation I am currently in and no hope for a better future. Not being able to imagine a better future for myself and seeing only all the ways in which I am stuck and will be stuck stresses me out quite a lot, actually. Sometimes I obsess over it.

All intuitives feel that staying stagnant is a literal hell, so this could be Ni OR Ne. But Ne/Si tends to have a more generic 'I'm not sure what I want, but this ain't it and I hope this isn’t all I ever have from my life' approach and NiSe tends to think, 'it's time I stop fixating on this single vision and DO SOMETHING TO MAKE IT REAL” followed by fear it may fail and then they’ll have nothing, since no other dream / career / ambition has outlasted this one.

To the point that sometimes I can only find solace in fantasizing about meeting that one person who will save me from my troubles, as unrealistic, unhealthily codependent and disempowering as it sounds.

Free amateur psych advice: other people cannot save you, because other people are just as imperfect as you are. This is common in a fearful N user, who tends to idealize and fantasize about a hero coming to rescue them, because they are so uncomfortable interacting with the sensory world on their own. The answer is that you have to save yourself, since no one else will. :)

An aspect of why I believed myself to be an enfp is that I could relate a lot to your more personal posts (especially about writing) or whenever you’d offer personal examples to illustrate type. Or in doubting my introversion because sometimes I would talk to a person and get so energized by that human connection.

What kind of energy? Emotional (Fe) energy? Or I MET SOMEONE FULL OF GREAT IDEAS AND NOW I'M WIRED (Ne) energy?

Right now I’m in the middle of rewriting a novel. It changes with each draft. People change. Motives change. Ideas change. Hell, I decided to change the murderer because another possibility will clean up the plot better so now I’m having to rewrite entire sections and leave other characters out / fill the holes they leave behind. I’m fine with it. It’s fun and somewhat easy. It energizes me. That’s high Ne. “This was fine last week but now it bores me and I have a better way to approach it, so it’s all gonna change and continue changing until I find something that works.” I sometimes joke that me being me, as a Ne, I’m not ‘done’ with something until I can read it twenty-six times in the editing process without wanting to change something at its fundamental level. I know I found the RIGHT idea, after using and discarding a bunch of alternate possibilities.

(My INFJ friend basically writes her novels in head, figures them all out in advance, then sits down and writes it out and changes very little in revision. Ni.)

I struggle to see if I do actually perceive the emotions of those around me and can easily step into someone else’s perspective and I’m observant of the unspoken agreements in a social situation, or if I’m delusional and I just like to think I’m an empath because it makes me feel better about myself.

Perceiving them (Ne) or feeling them (Fe)? When you are in a group, are you watching people so you can SPECULATE on their emotions (Fi) or are you immersed IN their emotions and sometimes lose yourself in the process (Fe)? Are you GUESSING at their feelings (Fi) based on a sense of inner self (”Are they bored? She looks bored. Can’t other people see she’s bored? I would not want to be bored, so we need to keep her from being bored. How are other people not see this?” Fi thinking can actually mean, “Because this would bore ME, I’m projecting being bored onto her when she’s not actually bored.”)

Side note: intuitives often over-estimate their own skills because their intuition / imagination is fantasizing an ideal self, instead of using their real self. And coming crashing down to earth and realizing they were wrong / are not very good at that / really are not a God is somewhat crushing to their ego.

One thing that really made me lean towards infj as a possibility is realizing that, at least for me, writing is a way of expressing and externalizing my feelings.

Why is this specifically shifting you toward INFJ? INFJs do not have a corner on writing. This is equally if not more common in the INFPs. Every Fi-dom poet of the last five hundred years can testify to externalizing their feels in writing.

MY emotions get so tied up inside myself that until I get them out on paper (Te) I cannot organize them or even figure out how to say how I feel -- and that's crucial, because Fi/Te types may resort to metaphors, ducking conversations, or intense internal monologues that may never be voiced (because it takes time to organize their thoughts before they speak on an emotional level) while Fe/Ti types can usually simply sum up their feelings vocally when asked, since that's what Fe/Ti does.

So, are you externalizing to get others' feedback on your feelings and affirmation (FeTi) or are you writing because you know no other clear way to restructure and share your abstract (hard to describe) feelings (FiTe)?

Before, I believed I had Fi because I have strong beliefs about individuality and personal integrity and I passionately hate the kind of group-think that leads to lack of personal integrity in favor of what the majority wants. But at the same time I strongly believe in equality. In fact, I believe what makes us equals is (as corny as it sounds) precisely that we’re all unique and irreplaceable and have a unique purpose for our life, that nobody else could fulfill quite like us.

You should ask yourself: do I pass immediate moral judgment upon hearing new information like a Fi-dom or do I internalize / interact with the ideas before I judge their ethics like a NeFi or do I try and fit the new information into my internal worldview and see how to use it to motivate people in a NiFe way?

Another reason for me thinking Fi is that somewhere along the line I had convinced myself that I hated people and I took on the identity of a misanthrope.

Um. Why would this connect to Fi in your mind?

I have been struggling big time with having too high expectations of myself and with my overall perfectionism, which more often paralyzes me instead of making me work harder. I am studying again after a few years, and the deadlines are just killing me. They feel like life or death. I obviously don’t know how to work with a schedule, I did 90% of the workload of two weeks in the first two days and then felt burnt out and spent the next week and a half distracting myself by researching random non academic stuff just for personal amusement, like mbti and the enneagram, and how to make pumpkin pie, and the relationship between veganism and the tv series Hannibal. Procrastination is definitely something I’m good at. It’s two days before the deadline and I’m struggling with that 10% of work that I haven’t done yet, and after spending the whole day stressing out about it and not being able to write a single sentence of my essay on cave art from the paleolithic, I am writing this instead. At least, just by writing this, I’ve already gained some clarity on what’s going on inside my head, which is always helpful.

I’m 90 pages into a book on perfectionism from a psychological perspective at the moment, but Jordan Peterson has wise words for this sort of behavior: finished is better than perfect.

I too am a perfectionist, but for me it's more spewing ideas out on the page (Ne) and then anxiously trying to formulate them into some kind of structure that has an overall point (Te) and then agonizing over the details in case I got something wrong that will cause people to throw out my good ideas in favor of the misinformation (low Si) due to Ne placing unrealistic standards on this situation due to being combined with perfectionism, which is fear based (if this isn’t flawless, people will judge it harshly and not listen to what it says).

I’m sorry I could not give your type based on what you wrote, but hopefully I explained enough about my thinking process and gave you good enough questions that you can find your type by being honest about your mental processing leading to behaviors.

- ENFP Mod

[barrimyr-adin]

Well here’s the Akatsuki Suppression arc notes

I hope you enjoy it because I sure fucking didn’t.

Ugh, i'm going to have to endure a bunch of Shikamaru bullshit in this arc.

Kishimoto is gonna turn Yugito into fodder, isn't he?

Asuma looked so douchey when he was younger.

I'd also like to know how he's doing all this ninja shit when he's been smoking for like twenty years.

I will admit that the OP music is pretty dope. I really like listening to it.

Is Konohamaru's voice actor also Ino's voice actor?

Part 1 Tsunade > Part 2 Tsunade

How is angrily stamping a bunch of documents while not even looking through them supposed to be taking your work seriously?

So why is Tsunade a princess but Naruto and Asuma aren't princes?

We all know damn well that the reason Kishimoto made Tsunade so "incompetent" is because she was the only female Hokage and Kishimoto fucking hates letting his female characters be good at anything other than being pretty.

I fucking hate these old dudes.

So Jiraiya just ditched Naruto and Tsunade to go on recon and didn't even stay in contact? What the fuck?

Pretty sure Kishimoto just needed him out of the way, because if he was there then he would have solved most problems super easily and Naruto wouldn't have had enough chances to act like a fucking moron.

The fact that Kakashi and Tsunade are encouraging Naruto's obsession with Sasuke is honestly disgusting.

Fuck you, Kishimoto. Just fuck you, you piece of garbage. Why do you hate women that much? You didn't just beat Yugito, you had to fucking disrespect her like that too!? And if you wanted her to lose, then you shouldn't have made her so badass in the first place. Fuck you, you were so damn lazy that you couldn't even give an explanation for how she was beat either!? For fucks' sake Kishimoto, just fuck off. I'm sick of your shit.

If this series wasn't anything other than garbage than Yugito would have fucking demolished Kakuzu and Hidan.

I hate how the Akatsuki can barely stand each other. Making the villains hate each other is a cheap way of dehumanising them.

You'd think Naruto would be more buff after three years of training with Jiraiya.

So is every Akatsuki pair just gonna be two douchebags who do nothing but argue about minor ideological differences?

This monk is dope as hell! Can he be the main character?

For fuck's sake, now we have to deal with these douchebags beating another person who should fucking wreck them.

And of course, we're not gonna get an explanation for how they win again. Because Kishimoto is lazy and has no respect for his story, characters, or audience. And apparently no one told him about the whole "show, don't tell" rule.

Am I honestly supposed to believe that Naruto "there-are-no-shortcuts-on-the-road-to-Hokage" Uzumaki is asking Kakashi to give him another trick to speed up his training? Somewhere along the path, Kishimoto entirely forgot who the fuck and what the fuck he was writing.

How the hell are we back to Naruto wanting to catch up with Sasuke? Wasn't like the entirety of Part 1 devoted entirely to that? And maybe you would be in the same league as Sasuke if you actually fucking did something in the past three years, Naruto.

Yamato is me right before exams.

I fucking love Sai.

So why are Sakura and Sai just sitting around marveling at Naruto instead of training themselves? I mean seriously, Kakashi, Yamato, you guys know they are also members of Team 7 right?

Sakura, why are you being passive aggressive towards your fucking elementary school teacher? If there's a teacher you should be pissed at, it's Kakashi.

Tsunade's plan seems clumsy as hell.

Aren't Ino-Shika-Cho supposed to be one of the closest teams? Why the hell are Asuma and Shikamaru going out with Izumo and Kotetsu instead of Choji and Ino? Does Kishimoto really not give a fuck about them at all? Don't answer that, I already know.

Like I heard about how people got pissed that Kishi pushed aside Ino and Choji to focus on Shikamaru but this is something else, man.

Is Sakura's character ever going to not revolve around another man?

Naruto, not bothering to rest is the dumbest fucking thing you could do. You know what Sasuke was doing when you guys found him? He was asleep. RESTING! Then he whooped your asses. The key to success is rest.

I thought his signature jutsu was the Shadow Clone Jutsu and the Rasengan.

Why do I feel like I missed a bunch of shit in the filler arc before this?

Like, I don't know who this monk dude was, but I'm gonna assume him and Asuma were boyfriends.

That bounty comment is kinda fucked up, Asuma.

How long is this ramen bullshit gonna go on for?

I literally could not give fewer fucks about Hidan and Kakuzu.

The reason I actually liked Kisame and Itachi is because they actually got along, especially in comparison to Orochimaru and his cronies. But fuck, the rest of the Akatsuki are just a bunch of assholes.

How is a change in chakra nature supposed to make the Rasengan stronger? The Chidori is both a change in form and nature but the Rasengan was more powerful (at least in Part 1 before all of Kishimoto's shitty retcons).

So from what I heard about Team Minato, I still think it's bull that Kakashi even knows the Rasengan. I think it would have made more sense if Obito, the obvious Naruto parallel, was able to learn the Rasengan through hard work but Kakashi the apathetic genius couldn't get it as easily as he got everything else, so instead he created the Chidori, something he could get easier. But to be fair, knowing the Chidori and the Rasengan and wielding the Sharingan helps with the whole image of being likely the most versatile ninja in the world, especially since Kakashi really hasn't been living up to his hype.

Are you really going to teach Naruto to create a new Rasengan before he's even mastered the normal fucking version?

I don't really get how a Rasengan with a change in chakra nature is considered unachievable? I mean, that's basically the Chidori.

I'm calling bullshit, Kakashi. You don't actually think that Naruto could surpass the fourth Hokage. If you did, you wouldn't having fucking ignored him for all of Part 1 and then just let him be taken out of the village. The only one of your students you believed in was Sasuke.

Naruto used to be the guy that nobody believed in. The kid that had to do everything on his own because nobody around him thought he was worth helping. Everyone thought he was a hopeless case. And i'm not saying that we still need that. But now we can't even have a single arc pass without like three or four people fucking raving about how much they believe in Naruto. It's like, for fuck's sake Kishi, how could you go so far from the heart of your series? How could you stray so far in the opposite direction from what was working?

You don't actually think you're going to fight the Akatsuki do you, Ino? Kishimoto is just gonna make you get your ass handed to you and then have one of his faves swoop down to save the day.

Choji is a really good friend.

For fuck's sake, Kishi. You couldn't even let Choji use his own fucking words? You just had to have it be about how kewl Shikamaru is. Ugh.

They were fucking, Shikamaru. Their relationship was obviously romantic.

Kakuzu, I really don't think you're allowed to just carry corpses into public bathrooms like that.

If the Akatsuki are known as international terrorists, then how the hell are they able to just go around wherever they want in their very distinctive robes without anyone giving a damn?

When did the Akatsuki become such fucking gimmicks?

Still pisses me off that we have Izumo and Kotetsu here instead of Ino and Choji.

Asuma seems to be overreacting to Hidan and Kakuzu. They've barely even engaged and Asuma's already making them out to be invincible.

I don't understand why Kishimoto is having such difficulty making Hidan and Kakuzu actually seem threatening. He refused to let us see how they beat Yugito, he refused to let us see how they beat the monk, and now Asuma is fearful of them for no reason. Kishi really forgot about the whole "show, don't tell" rule.

I see Kishimoto hasn't fixed Shikamaru's problem of sitting still for an extended period of time to think of shitty strategies while his opponent just fucking stands around doing nothing but watching him for no goddamn reason.

I get that all these shogi metaphors are supposed to make Shikamaru look smart, but they just sound like nonsense. It really just makes Shikamaru seem delusional. The battlefield is not a shogi set and your comrades aren't pieces. If you can't understand the situation without an elaborate metaphor about a board game, then you are a ridiculously limited strategist.

These monk techniques are fucking dope.

Immortal jerk is the only insult you could come up with, Shikamaru?

Asuma's Burning Ash jutsu doesn't make any sense but I'll let it slide.

The new OP shows a bunch of the Konoha 12 but its all lies. Kishi doesn't even remember that they exist.

Hidan went all hammy insane villain. How shocking. I've never seen that before. What a unique character.

I want to die.

I can't take Hidan seriously because he sounds like Billy Crystal.

I want you to imagine every scene with Hidan in it, but replace him with Mike Wazowski.

So Shikamaru was only able to save him because Hidan spent too much time screaming useless bullshit?

Yeah, guys. Shikamaru is such a badass. Such a genius. Incredibly intelligent ninja. Doesn't rely on luck or ridiculously stupid villains at all.

I fucking hate you, Shikamaru.

Thanks for reminding me about Sasori dying, Shikamaru. Still fucking angry over that.

Why would Shikamaru even doubt that Deidara is dead? Is Shikamaru's so-called intelligence ever going to make any sense or at least not be bullshit?

These fucking shogi metaphors are just getting goddamn annoying.

Look if you need to fucking stop time for 10 fucking minutes just to have your character analyse the situation then they're not a very smart character. And it's bad pacing and you're wasting time.

Your character is also not impressive if you need to make one of their opponents stand watching with their thumb up their ass instead of actually doing something for no goddamn reason just so they stand a chance.

So are Izumo and Kotetsu going to fucking do anything?

So how many more people are we gonna have to listen to kiss Shikamaru's ass?

Actually, there's really only one person kissing his ass. And its Kishimoto, who will never miss a chance to insert himself into the story in order to yell at the audience "LOOK AT SHIKAMARU, ISN'T HE SO COOL!?"

I swear, Kakuzu and Hidan are such fucking idiots.

Stitching Hidan's neck back together isn't going to change the fact that his inner organs have been sliced open.

So that super well-animated fight in the OP isn't going to actually happen? It was just for the OP? Man, fuck that.

The only person we've seen use crows is Itachi, so why is he attacking one of his own? Well, besides the bullshit plot twist I know is coming.

So who's this dude with the glasses and how's he going all Aquaman with the crows?

Jfc this taijutsu is horrible, it's only ever worth a damn either in OPs or in the ultimate climactic fights that the studios are saving up all their money for. But even so, this taijutsu is fucking trash to look at. Same with the Team Gai clone fights.

Holy shit, its Pain.

Not the voice I was expecting for Pain.

Where is he though? That is some fucking scenery.

I know I've already said this, but I really hate how the Akatsuki just turned into a bunch of douchebags just waiting to kill each other for no goddamn reason.

Is Shikamaru really trying to make Ino and Choji be quiet and listen to Asuma right  after he fucking yelled at Asuma to shut up?

Did Asuma just take his last fucking moments to fatshame Choji?

Man, Asuma really is a fucking dick.

Asuma, shut the fuck up. Shikamaru would be the shittiest fucking Hokage possible.

Man, Asuma. You sure are taking a long time to fucking die.

Asuma, are you going to spend all your damn time fatshaming Choji? It's not like his weight is holding him back as a ninja, in fact it's his strength. Maybe he'd be the super strong shinobi you wanted him to be if you spent some actual time training him instead of fatshaming him and playing fucking board games with Shikamaru.

Thanks for reminding me about how Shikamaru was promoted to chunin first. Still fucking pissed about that.

Is it bad that I felt literally nothing during Asuma's death?

Still think it's fucking stupid that Naruto still needs shadow clones just to make a normal Rasengan.

So in theory, Naruto could make several shadow clones and then then have all of them go through his Nine-Tails Transformation? Dude, no one could stand against him if someone just trained him to control the Nine-Tails' power.

Still think this shadow clone cheat is fucking bullshit.

It fucking sucks that Kishimoto thought making Sakura more violent was somehow actual development. She used to be one of the more intelligent, calm, and rational members of the team. Now she just threatens to beat anyone who disagrees with her.

Pain has been monologuing for so long that he's lost my attention. I know that he's explaining his intentions but it's dragging on for so damn long that I don't even care anymore.

Nevermind, it all just amounts to world domination anyways. So not much to even care about.

So the Wind Style: Rasengan is just a Rasengan with air pressure? How exactly is this superior to the Giant Rasengan? Or superior to making Naruto's training over the timeskip not shitty?

What's with this stylistic change in the Kurenai scene? Felt like I stepped into a psychological thriller.

I feel like we've seen Konohamaru cry at too many funerals. Can someone just give this kid a break?

Why does this lady have an irish accent?

"I'll be here for you" he says as he walks away from his own son while he's crying in agony.

Man, Shikamaru is a dick, Shikaku is a dick. Is there a Nara that isn't a dick?

Why are these fucking shots of Shikamaru's face and hands better animated than the fight Asuma died in?

Okay, I know I've said this before, but using shogi as a device designed to represent Shikamaru's intelligence is ridiculous.

Also why does it feel like the animation and art style have changed?

So why is it okay for Shikamaru to define the meaning of his life by vengeance but everyone gives Sasuke shit for wanting revenge against Itachi?

How the fuck did Kakashi and Tsunade just know to be at that specific place at that specific time? Wouldn't it have made more sense if Tsunade had brought Kakashi along in case they refused to back down? Its just stupidly convenient that the both of them just happened to know that Team 10 would be there at that specific time.

And why the fuck is Kakashi willing to go on this mission!? He tied Sasuke down to a fucking tree just to give him a speech on the futility of revenge, but he's perfectly willing to let Shikamaru go after revenge, even willing to help him? That's fucking bullshit. And yet another instance of Kishi going out of his way to make things go well for Shikamaru, even when all sense would point to everything going wrong for him.

And why not just bring Naruto instead of Kakashi? It's been established that Naruto is closer to Shikamaru than he is to others and he just mastered a new powerful jutsu. Plus you don't have to mess up his character to bring him along the way you have to with Kakashi.

Better yet, why didn't Kishimoto choose Kurenai instead of Kakashi? (the answer to this question is: sexism) At least then it would make sense for her to want revenge. Plus Naruto could continue training with Kakashi and maybe Team 8 could come in as back-up instead of Team 7. Give them some fucking focus.

Also, once again, Tsunade's characterisation has fucking sucked in Part 2. She used to be a very enjoyable character, now she's just an asshole who runs around shouting at people, letting everyone do whatever the fuck they want, and going on about how she believes in Naruto. I'm also sick of how everyone disrespects her, nobody acted this way towards Sarutobi.

Man, Kakuzu fucking dragged Hidan in front of the entire Akatsuki.

Tbh, Hidan is a fucking joke.

Wait, Ino is a skinchanger!? So dope!

That thing with Kakuzu and the bird was dumb in so many ways.

Jesus christ, did Kakuzu and Hidan really fall for that shitty fucking trap.

Shikamaru's new jutsu didn't even make sense. Not to mention that it came out of nowhere with literally no forshadowing.

I can't believe that Kishi is making Kakuzu fucking go on about Shikamaru being a good tactician when that was literally the flimsiest fucking plan possible.

They are really gonna drag out the process of Hidan mirroring Shikamaru's movements, aren't they?

So is Kakuzu a human puppet too like Sasori?

So Choji can harden his hair now? Since when could he harden his body at all?

I don't like how apparently every element is weak or strong against another particular element. It should be about the skill of the ninja, not about whatever fucking element they have. Plus, it just feels like it was shoehorned in right at the end.

To think that for a second I thought we were done with Kakuzu. I got my hopes up, thinking we were almost done with these fools' bullshit but nope. Kishi loves to torture me.

Kakuzu's special attack: getting uglier than usual.

Did Kakuzu just summon a bunch of No Faces?

Or were they hollows?

How the hell is your mask still on after that wind attack, Kakashi!?

Kakuzu named his giant fire attack after a headache?

Did Hidan just scream out "Heeyaah!"?

I feel like the animation has suddenly gotten so much better.

Or maybe not better, just... more fluid?

FUCK YOU, SHIKAMARU! I WAS SO READY TO SEE CHOJI WHOOP HIDAN'S ASS!

So are Choji and Ino gonna be able to do anything?

Oh yay, Kishi ruined Choji's character.

Why are you like this, Kishimoto?

So did Choji just conveniently forget to bring his clan's food pills?

Hidan and Kakuzu suddenly went from zero to badass in like a millisecond.

How did Shikamaru even catch Hidan in that Shadow Possession? Every other time he needed to make the hand signs just to keep the jutsu up.

So I guess of all the Akatsuki we've seen so far, Kakuzu seems to be the strongest. Though it still feels like a bunch of bullshit pulled out right at the end.

And Hidan seems to be the weakest, outside of Zetsu and Tobi who we haven't seen in action yet.

Well this new animation style is much more appealing, only problem is a lack of facial consistency.

So Kakashi has mastered earth style, lightning style, and water style?

When the fuck did Shikamaru become the protagonist of this series?

Seeing Hidan so chill is honestly unsettling me. He looks like me after I've failed an exam. Motherfucker just looks dead inside.

I don't get it. Was Hidan's jutsu connected to Shikamaru or Kakuzu? And if it was connected to Shikamaru, why isn't he finally fucking dead!?

So if it was Kakuzu connected to the jutsu, then what was that bullshit with Shikamaru about "not being deep enough"?

This may be the only time Shikamaru has actually been smart, although I still hate the whole masterplan-that-we-had-no-idea-about-being-revealed-at-the-end trope. It occasionally works with villains, but not with heroes. The protagonists shouldn't be misleading their own audience and in most cases it just feels like an asspull.

Also, even if the concept of Shikamaru's plan was smart, the whole thing would have fallen apart if Kakashi hadn't coincidently, conveniently, and nonsensically been in the right place at the right time and agreed to go with them (I still don't fucking understand why he went with them). Their whole plan would have been fucked if Kakashi hadn't been there, which shows bad planning and a lack of foresight on Shikamaru's part.

There will never be anything in existence as bullshit as Shikamaru splashing Kakuzu's blood onto Hidan's fucking needle of a blade as he's about to fucking stab him. Except maybe the fact that Hidan apparently didn't fucking notice it despite the fact that Shikamaru did it right in front of him. Like, he didn't even try to hide it.

Ugh, Kishi, if you want me to believe that Shikamaru is a genius then stop pitting him against fucking morons.

Did Kakashi just judge Kakuzu for killing without remorse when Kakashi is a fucking ninja?

AGAIN! WHY THE HELL IS KAKASHI OKAY WITH SHIKAMARU TRYING TO GET REVENGE!? He's not just fine with it, he's supporting and enabling it! It's completely out of character. After all that bullshit with Sasuke and the futility of revenge, he's just gonna do all the work so Shikamaru can get his revenge? Why?

Because Shikamaru is Kishi's self-insert, that's why. Fucking hate this character.

Why is Kakuzu even dead? Shouldn't he have three more hearts?

Why the fuck didn't we get to see Choji use that Expansion Jutsu: Super Slam on Hidan!?

Oh ffs, why is Kishi so insistent on not letting Choji and Ino do anything at all

im just so sick of this

Well, Kakuzu's back. When will I be free from this bullshit!?

I'm not complaining but why do all the Akatsuki members paint their nails

Hidan's laugh is depressing.

Did you really need to name each of them, Ino? As if everyone can't see them. And why the fuck did you leave out Yamato?

Sakura, we both know the smartest person in the Land of Fire is named Shino Aburame.

Of course Kishi had to insert a fucking flashback just to kiss Shikamaru's ass.

Apparently Will of Fire means being a lazy ass now.

How inobservant can Hidan be.

How many asspulls is Shikamaru gonna get?

And Asuma's ghost just randomly fucking appears? Yeah, that makes sense.

Why does Naruto have the slitted pupils but still has blue irises?

Ugh, it seems like Naruto has adopted Shikamaru's style of combat. Do almost nothing while your enemy just fucking watches.

Ffs, just let Choji do something!

How the hell does Wind Style: Rasenshuriken befit the Nine-Tailed Fox, Kakuzu?

When I heard about the Rasenshuriken, I imagined Naruto changing the shape of the Rasengan, making it thinner but wider and spinning at speeds high enough to slash through things. I imagined it being his own unique creation, a long-range Rasengan that could be thrown. Which would allow him to cover his bases and make up for his weakness when at long distance. But nope, it's just the Rasengan but bigger. Which is redundant considering he already has the Giant Rasengan.

And of course, Naruto fucked up again. Can you do anything right?

Didn't Kakashi say he's already used the Chidori four times that day? Isn't that his limit? Shouldn't he be fucking dead!?

Even Choji notes that the Rasenshuriken is fucking stupid.

Seriously, what's up with Naruto's eyes?

Ffs, Naruto you can barely do anything at all but you're talking about surpassing the Fourth Hokage? Man, fuck off.

And once again, Naruto is putting his pride before the mission. And somehow this is supposed to be endearing. And for some stupid fucking reason, everyone's okay with it. And for some even fucking dumber reason, Kakuzu hasn't killed them all yet.

Why do these deer look like demons?

He isn't that good, Sai. The author just loves the taste of his ass.

I'd say that I hope Hidan gets out and destroys the whole village one day, but let's be honest, Hidan is such a dumbass he wouldn't be able to get anything done even if he did get out.

A long preparation time is supposed to be a disadvantage to an attack, usually added only to extremely powerful attacks. But in this dumbass series, that doesn't matter because your opponents will always just fucking sit there and watch you do your stupid fucking preparations instead of actually fighting you.

I think the animation went back to its old style.

If Kakuzu is so focused on Naruto, why doesn't Ino just take the opportunity and use her Mind Transfer Jutsu to take control over him? This whole thing could have been fucking solved 10 episodes ago if Kishi gave a damn about his side characters.

God, the Rasenshuriken is fucking ridiculous.

Is it just me or has Kakashi gotten hotter?

Naruto hasn't surpassed you in the fucking least, Kakashi.

This is the fucking fifth time Kakashi has used the Chidori today! How is he not fucking dead!?

Man, Kakashi can be a real savage when it comes to trash talk.

Why the fuck are we seeing Shikamaru interact with Kurenai but not with her own fucking team?

ugh why do i ask questions i already know the answer to

did shikamaru just like.. lay claim on Kurenai's baby? he didnt even fucking ask her or anything

jesus christ even the pieces are the same. just call the fucking game chess

i feel like shikamaru has gotten even more arrogant than he was before

so naruto's body can regenerate the incinerated flesh after entering the four-tailed form but he can't take some extra chakra and wind pressure? that makes a lot of fucking sense

....

i just wanna die

so apparently the rasenshuriken is basically the eight trigrams sixty four palms ghdvuybfdjgfjwkjfdjJUST FUCKING KILL ME

it doesnt even make sense!

thats not how fucking wind works!

and when the hell has naruto ever been precise!?

and why can't he just heal!?

why am i still watching this trash series?

who the fuck is this lady orochimaru wants and why should i even care

how the hell is the rasenshuriken gonna be a last resort when he can't fucking do anything else?

IM FINALLY FREE

IM DONE WITH THIS FUCKING ARC

I DONT HAVE TO KEEP WATCHING THIS FUCKING SERIES

IM FREE

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[themjinterviews-blog]

11. hey slim, I drank a fifth of vodka, you dare me to drive?

What are some of your favorite cities you’ve been to?

New York City(NY), Lake Placid(NY), Idaho Springs(CO), New Orleans(LO), Del Mar(CA)

Would you allow your children to date prior to 16? (assuming you want any)

Yeah, no sense being q control freak about it…I’d want my kiddos to feel cool being open with me about stupid shit like that rather than sneaking around.

Did you ever go through a phase where you thought guys in bands were ‘hot?’

I never had a specific hard on for guys in bands compared to guys not in bands…but some were and are still hot.

What’s something about adult life you were never warned of or prepared for?

Well, everything actually. I presumed there was some sort of metaphorical sleeper agent mode or light switch that would activate post-graduation and somehow alo those grown-up things I was supposed to do next like mortgages, marriage and kids would manifest because well, that’s what comes with the conventional adulthood package, right? Except that wasn’t what I wanted post-college. I desperately needed an entire decade of destructive self-discovery. (And I don’t regret any of it one bit, btw).

Did your parents teach you proper ta able manners when you were growing up?

They tried. I say please and thank you but I never really think about taking my shoes off inside or talking while chewing.

What was the last thing you baked?

Oh, no dear, I don’t bake. Unless we’re talking about getting baked, then like a month ago.

Do you live more than 5 hours away from the nearest international border?

Sometimes. I live on the road in a semi-truck. I’m in Nevada now, so no.

Does your town havea farmer’s market?

My hometown does. There's a pickle vendor there with dank-ass pickles.

What’s the westernmost point you’ve been to?

California.

What is the last restaurant that you made reservations for?

Nowhere. I’m not classy.

When did you last feel lonely?

I don’t know, not for quite some time.

Can you easily tell when others are masking their true emotions?

Sometimes. I like to think I’m perceptive about that sort of shit, but I’m definitely not a mind-reader so realistically, it’s heresay.

How often do you wash your car?

I do not own an automobile.

When did you last lend money to a friend?

That would entail having money wouldn’t it? I work remotely from the road and don’t make much at the moment.

Which app on your phone do you tend to get the most notifications from?

Facebook, Tumblr and Design Home.

Do you own a Dutch oven? If so, what was the last thing you cooked in it?

That'd be a cumbersome item to have in a semi-truck, wouldn’t it?

Do you find it easy to put yourself in somebody else’s shoes?

Yeah. But it’s important to remember even if you imagine yourself walking in their shoes, you haven’t actually walked in their shoes and have no right to judge their journey.

What is currently on your kitchen table?

No kitchen table.

What is your favorite time period in history to learn about?

I enjoy going to the Renaissance Faire.

How old were you when you met your current best friend?

Preschool.

Have you ever kissed a smoker?

Yes. And I used to be a smoker, too.

What is the minimum age to obtain a driver’s license in your state/country? Do you think this is an appropriate age, or should it be higher/lower?

Probably 16. I have no opinion on the age laws, as they currently don’t effect me personally.

If you won the lottery, do you think any of your family members would ask you to give them some of your money?

They wouldn’t need to ask, I’d voluntarily share. Unless, of course, I only won like $20.

What is the craziest thing you’ve seen happen at your workplace?

Some guy flipped out and called me an asshole in front of the whole restaurant because we ran out of Rigatoni pasta and the chefs used Penne instead. Clearly a catastrophic offense.

Do you own any home automation gadgets like wifi thermostats or wifi bulbs?

The fuck are those?

What is something you gave up on after many failed attempts?

Trying to logically explain to my delusional ex that I wasn’t conspiring with total strangers to elaborately torture him, that he probably isn’t the Messiah and the entire saga of madness was mainly a byproduct of unaddressed logical fallacies piling up and feeding off each other. He seemed to prefer to believe his interpretation of things, logic be damned. So I eventually accepted I couldn’t force personal epiphanies or change fixated delusions by quoting super profound philosophy.

How old were you when you started to seriously think about what career path you wanted to pursue?

When I was 5, I wrote that I wanted to be a cashier at the Square Deli in the career blurb in the yearbook. My career goals never really took off from there. Always hovered a hair above not giving a single fuck.

Have you ever disliked a book so much that you didn’t finish it?

Probably.

Would you rather read a book, or listen to the audiobook?

Read. Being able to underline and scribble notes in the margins helps me retain the content. I get too distracted and its hard to focus because Audiobook narrators always read it different than the narrative voice in my head does.

Do you think tomorrow will be a better day than today?

No day is better or worse than the next. All days are a continuous string of moments and experiences.

[ezlebe]

(I 1000% stole this idea from @claricechiarasorcha​ who mentioned a scenario where Millicent was like Pushinka - a oneupsman sort of gift from Leia, but then I sort of warped that into something completely different, I apologize.)

“What is this?” Hux says, leaning over the box and trying to gently drag his finger over a soft ear. The creature looks up at him with yellow eyes as it wakes, practically glowing, “A felinx?”

“Hardly.” 

Hux glances up from the box, wincing and pulling his hand back with a start as a pair needle-like teeth latch onto a finger. Ren seems to have gotten over his sulk in record time, though Hux doubts that the issue of the Upsilon upgrades will not be so soon forgotten – he’ll probably bring it up again on the bridge in the middle of the day.

“A ralltiir cub,” Ren says, reaching down with a gloved hand into the box, running a pair of fingers down the standout strip of light hair down that cub’s spine. “My mother has one.”  

Hux feels his lips twist into a sneer, “Oh.”

“They are capricious and ill-tempered, not meant to be pets,” Ren continues, his patting having caused the cub to begin purring, clumsily attempted to curl both paws around Ren’s wrist.  “Fjalte once attacked a Senator’s aide after they angered my mother. A prosthetic was needed after he gnawed off their arm.”

Hux raises his eyebrows, looking back down at the little beast with some disbelief. “Ah, so this ‘gift’ is meant to kill me.”

“Likely,” Ren says, shifting forward on his feet with what might be an odd peering through the visor. “It is Fjalte’s own progeny.”

Hux nearly drops the crate, leaning away from a questing paw with a low, skeptical noise. He doesn’t think Organa would stoop to setting a bomb in a living creature, but… she is pragmatic. “How can you possibly know that?”

“The note,” Ren says, leaning over and tracing his fingers against a flowy design etched into the crate’s lid, “More than a gift – a peace offering from my own stock.”

“Ah,” Hux says, narrowing his eyes at the mess of whorls and spines of apparent typescript. “I’m sure.”

Ren is quiet for a long moment, dropping his hand back to his side. “It may be meant for me. Not many can read High Alderaanian.”

Hux huffs his agreement, gently dropping the crate to the floor and grabbing the cub itself, hoisting it up to look better. It really is darling little thing, in a tooth and claw, growling to bite sort of way. “You can hardly take care of yourself, let alone a pet. Has she met you?”

Ren shrugs, rubbing under the cub’s chin with a curl of fingers, an odd tilt to his head when he glances up to Hux. “Not really.”

Hux rolls his eyes, never quite eager to deal with Ren in a metaphorical mood. He curls his arms into his chest until Ren’s hand drops, leaving the cub reaching out with oversize paws, though only a moment later it turns to lick with a sandpapery tongue at Hux’s neck, purr lulling into a rumble. It doesn’t seem like the offspring of a creature that could tear off a limb with ease.

“Pets aren’t permitted within the First Order,” he mutters, resisting the urge to give any acknowledgement to the way the cub seems to be settling in to sleep against his chest. It’s very warm, and very soft, but that is exactly the problem; distractions, attachments, wastes of resources, et cetera – they’re all bad for upholding the goal. 

“I’m not bound by regulation,” Ren says, his helmet cocking sideways at an odd angle before righting itself, focused at Hux’s face. The silence grows long and awkward after another few moments, until he looks down to the cub still in Hux’s arms, “It’s staying.”

Hux raises his eyebrows, skeptical, “You’re really taking responsibility for something?”

“No,” Ren says, shoving past and pausing momentarily at the door, not even deigning to turn around as he speaks, “It came to your office.”

“S-sir?”

Hux closes his eyes for a moment, then looks up from holo feed with a slow inhale.  “Yes, Lieutenant?” 

“Lord Ren has arrived in the anterior ship bay,” Mitaka says, diverting his gaze down to his data pad and seeming to wince around the eyes. “And he is fighting with Millicent. Again.”

“The harmless wrestling that beasts of their sort do,” Hux says, raising his eyebrows and tilting his head, watching as his condescension makes Mitaka curl up tighter, “Or actual fighting, Lieutenant?”

“I um, I don’t know,” Mitaka stutters, lips going tight and blanching, “Sire – sir.”

Hux almost rolls his eyes, reaching for his data pad and easily pulling up the feed with a frustrating sort of muscle memory. He narrows his eyes at the projected display, watching as Millie throws Ren to the ground and starts gnawing on his helmet with snarling, exposed teeth. Ren responds in similar violence, an invisible hand grabbing Millie by the scruff and throwing her to the ground, where she rights herself in an instant with a visible roar just as Ren bodily dives for her. 

It is, admittedly, very difficult to tell the degree of killing intent from either participant. 

Hux watches the grappling for a few more moments before turning to Phasma, doing his best approximation of disinterested, yet frustrated, rather than vaguely intrigued. “The bridge is yours, Captain.”

“Yes, sir,” Phasma says, nodding shortly before returning back to watch the troop movements at her own station. She sends some approximate look just as Hux steps into the lift, her head tilting with what has far been taken as the helmeted version of a smirk, “We’ll be here while you discipline your pets.”

The doors close before Hux can even begin to scold her for undermining him in front of the entire bloody bridge, but he’ll remember it the next time she requests a schedule change. It’ll hardly be more than a petty revenge, but a revenge all the same. He can even assign her to detail with Ren, trodding through dusty and barren planets on a chase after cowardly ghosts.

A slam just near his ear is what greets him at the entrance to the bay, then a heavy body ramming straight into his and knocking him to the cold, unforgiving alusteel floor. He’s not quite winded, and it might bruise a little on the shoulder that hit first, but otherwise the only injury is to his pride, some niggling little thought at the back of his mind insisting he should’ve been able to dodge a beast of little more than muscle and violence going at some breakneck speed. 

Oh, and the ceiling looks appalling in here – covered in black streaks from clumsy pilots and visibly thick with exhaust residue. He’s going to have to get someone up there, and as much as he’d like to make it a particularly moronic adherent of the Dark, it’ll probably be a droid; regulation safety and all.

“General?” A voice comes from literally on top of him, uncharacteristically meek even through the modulation.  

Hux slowly turns his head, catching his own furious reflection in the visor. Ren hasn’t moved since he… fell; how does something like this even happen? It’s not as if Millie has the biological ability to throw anything the size of Ren. 

Millicent seems at a similar loss, pacing back and forth from her usual perch on top of the Upsilon. It is admittedly the first time Ren has even attempted any sort of physical harm, but she shouldn’t be so neutral about it – Hux was the one that raised her from a cub; Ren only fulfills her mammalian needs for play. She should be at Ren’s throat for vengeance, not taking some cowering retreat to her favorite napping spot.

“Is that blood?” Hux asks, narrowing his eyes to the telltale stains around Millicent’s mouth. He tries to leverage up on his elbows, attempting to get a better look at Ren from helmet to boot – he’s going to need to be a little more stern about putting a stop to this if actual injury is becoming involved. 

“I brought her back a toy,” Ren says, finally rolling off and laying flat next to Hux, helmet clunking against the floor. 

Hux shifts up a little more and settles his palms flat on the ground, heaving a sigh, “A toy.”

“She needs to hunt,” Ren says, “Even if it is some worm she can catch before they even reach the door.”

Hux frowns with realization, looking around for the… Ah, there it is, a crumpled body in an orange jumpsuit, striped lekku splayed over a gruesomely exposed spine. “You realize we’re meant to be interrogating the Resistance, not letting Millie eat them?”

Ren tilts his head, though it’s more of a raised eyebrow than a smirk. “Yeah?” Hux stares at him for a moment longer, then shoves up from the ground to stand, walking over to the Upsilon with singular goal in mind. He ignores the sidelong stares from a pair of technicians at a cargo shuttle in the next bay, snapping his fingers and pointing to the floor at his side. “Millie, down. Now.” 

Millicent bares her teeth for a moment, a growling sort of whine escaping her throat, then jumps down with a soft thud to his side. She presses her head to Hux’s thigh, pushing hard enough to force him back a step. 

“No,” Hux says, crossing his arms to keep from giving into the reflex to rub at her ears. “I’m not happy with you, either.”

“I didn’t do anything,” Ren says, the loud stomp of his boots sign enough he’s finally stood from the floor. 

“Are you absolutely delusional? You were two cycles late for your return, you fed another enemy agent to my pet, you caused such a scene that it drew my personal attention away from the bridge,” Hux says, turning on his heel and counting off on three fingers, then slowly lifting a fourth, “And then you crushed me.”

“I didn’t know you were there,” Ren says, patently dismissive by the short rush of static in the vocoder betraying a scoff.

Hux lifts his chin, feeling a sneer twist at his lips, “Oh, and is that excuse going to remove the bruises from my back?” 

Ren doesn’t seem to know what to say to that, a few short twitches of his head and a curling of his hands the only reaction. 

“You’re on this ship to do a job, Lord Ren,” Hux says, his own anger quickly spurred on by the complete lack of attempt at an apology. He hardly expected one, but a few moments of remorse would be polite. “I invite you to find your restraint before worse happens.”

Hux suffers the silence for a few minutes longer before steeling his jaw and heading for the lifts. He hopes the relief he feels at the soft sound of Millie’s paws at his side isn’t obvious, nor the thin thread of regret when he catches the subtle slump of Ren’s shoulders as he passes him; it’s not quite the conversation he envisioned having when he came down here, but Ren really needs to act his age.  

“Report,” Hux barks, flipping through the pair of feeds from Ren’s private medical room. 

“Unidentified toxin, sir,” the med droid says, bringing up a report filled with more unfamiliar terms than Hux would care to admit, then pointing at a scan of Ren’s foot with a metal claw, gesturing near the ankle, “Administered through a projectile into the lower calf and meant for a species roughly a fourth of his weight.”

“Full recovery?” 

“Affirmative – projected two ternary cycles,” the med droid confirms, dropping the display with a short, needless nod. “The toxin nearly destroyed his foot, but we managed to repair it. He will be moved to his personal quarters at stability – projected within current hour.”

“Notify me,” Hux says, closing his own feeds with a pinch of his hand. 

“Yes, sir,” the droid says, giving an affected bow before their holo disappears completely from Hux’s office. 

Hux stares at the empty space for a long, silent moment, then slowly stands, taking his coat from the back of his seat and throwing it over his shoulders. The trip to his personal quarters is only a short lift ride and a few meters of walking, the only difficult part of it being the curious expressions from passing officers and their quickly diverting eyes. 

He opens the door with his code and data pad, a half-hearted lift of his arm before it slides open with a hiss. The inside is quiet and dimly lit, making the pair of bright, prying eyes all the more obvious from the adjacent room. 

“Millicent,” Hux sighs, narrowly watching her roll defiantly to her back on the coverlet; she knows the bed is off-limits. 

He walks over and drags his hand across her chin, careful of the exposed canines protruding passed her jaw. She gives a now predictable chuff low in her throat, trying to grab his hand back in a fearsome paw when he kneels down at the sight of something unfamiliar protruding from just under his bed on the floor. 

“Millie, what is – ?” Hux pauses, pulling harder and realizing he’s holding what can only be Ren’s cape in his hands, only it’s in utter tatters, ripped apart from the bottom and barely half as long. He has absolutely no idea what it’s doing in his quarters, “Where did you get this?”

He startles when it’s yanked out of his grip without warning, Millie growling low in her throat with what seems to be her version of offended. She drags the it to her own little corner adjacent to his bed, draping it into a messy heap over the edge of her makeshift bed of old pillows. A low, painful feeling sinks into Hux’s chest when she presses her forehead to the crumpled pile of cloth, like she’s trying to headbutt it into reacting to her. 

“He’s not dead,” Hux mutters, refusing to feel any sort of guilt over the matter. She’s an oversize felinx, not an actual child, and it’s not as if he told Ren to keep away from her, he simply… heavily implied it. 

All aside, he couldn’t have predicted Ren actually listening to him. 

“Oh, I see,” Hux says, crouching down and spying another familiar item of clothing in Millie’s pile – an old greatcoat, replaced for one-too-many ripped seams from wear. “You’re stealing my clothes as well.”

A low beep pierces the room before Hux can do any more digging, drawing his attention to his data pad. ‘Transport successful.’

Well, the med droids are certainly getting efficient, though a glance to the time shows it’s been nearly twenty minutes since he requested the update. He presses the datapad into silence, pocketing it and looking to Millie, who has peeked open her eyes with irritation at her mid-day nap being officially interrupted.

“Come,” Hux says, gesturing with has hand for her to come to his side.

Millie rolls over at the first few words, but doesn’t obey, closing her eyes with the sort of apathy only capable in lower creatures. 

Hux rolls his eyes, walking more demonstrably to the door in the other room, loathe to repeat himself. “Now, Millie.”

Millicent bounds to his side now with a minor look of delight, staring hard at the door for a long moment, then looking up at him for an instant before returning to the door. It’s worrying for a few seconds, and he winces as she bounds out and down the hall without waiting a single moment for Hux to check for onlookers. 

He waits just outside the door and watches as she pauses at the lift, tilting her head back to where Hux is standing, then running down again past him to the other end of the hall, sitting down in front of another door. 

“You’re utterly transparent, even for a beast,” Hux says, walking to said door at a more sedate pace. He eyes the cracked display for a moment before tapping in the override code, standing still for the retinal scan and wincing at an overbright light that has become far too familiar. 

Millie bounds in with absurd excitement as the door slides open, circling the main room for a few seconds before heading into the sleeping quarters. A shout of genuine surprise, then an answering roar from Millie, and Hux already feels incredibly awkward. He had thought he could go in there and say something dismissive, but now he’s looking backward at the door, realizing it would probably be better if he just retrieves Millie in a few hours once whatever sedatives Ren got have rendered him dead to the world. 

“Hux,” Ren says, voice raised and calling before Hux can attempt to take his leave. His tone is off, and it takes Hux a moment to realize it’s because his voice is clear, no cover or false tenor through the modulator. 

“What?” Hux responds, stepping into the door and finding Ren gracelessly lying on the bed – foot propped up on one end, Millie in some sort of headlock on the other. 

Ren frowns after a few moments of mutual staring, a low suspicion manifesting and then disappearing from his eyes. He seems to accept it all the same, the silence of the room losing some of the tension and simply becoming mildly uncomfortable.   

“She stole one of your cloaks,” Hux says, ignoring an urge to go looking for where they’re kept; he’s certain the closet is in utter disarray, and he doesn’t need that compulsion to tidy surfacing in Ren’s quarters of all places. “And an old coat of mine. She’s torn them to pieces and is sleeping with them.”

“Okay,” Ren says, seemingly disinterested in the systematic destruction of his wardrobe. “She can’t be nesting; I don’t see the problem.”

“Not unless that med droid is incompetent,” Hux says, narrowing his eyes and watching Millie play at trapping a stray corner of coverlet under her paw. He’s not noticed any other potential signs, but his education on galactic biology is hardly comprehensive.

Ren scoffs under his breath, a condescending look crossing his face, “Or you have another ralltiir?”

“The same med droid also told me you near lost your foot to a teddy bear?” Hux says, crossing his arms with a quick flash of heat behind his ears. It appears Ren has forgotten the row in the ship bay, so all in all, mission accomplished on that front. “What’s your witty rejoinder to that?”

Ren shakes his head, shoving his face into the thick fur on Millie’s neck and muffling his voice by consequence, “Lucky shot.”

It’s the short hairs sticking up at the back of Finn’s neck, the subtle muting of extraneous noise that warns him first, years of drills kicking in and screaming at him to turn around before the worst can happen. He spins on his heel, stopping Poe with a hand on his arm, and that’s when he sees it – a ralltiir. It’s walking a few steps behind them, slow and grey around the muzzle, but still zeroed in on them with glowing eyes.

“Oh, that’s Fjalte,” Poe says, kneeling down and holding a hand forward, outright welcoming the overlarge predator to rub up against his palm like a kitten. “He looks scary, but he’s just a big softy.”

“General Hux has one of those,” Finn says, still glancing at exits and calculating the quickest, most subtle way to get to any one of them. He likes Poe, but Finn has had his own run-ins with ralltiir. “Millicent.”

“Shouldn’t you say Kylo Ren has one?” General Organa says, appearing from the same direction Fjalte must have come, holding a disconnected lead that she folds into a pocket at her belt. 

“No,” Finn says, leaning a few centimeters further back from Fjalte. He glances up in the ensuing quiet to see a perturbed look on the General Organa’s face, realizing she must be waiting for something more substantial. “I mean, sort of, ma’am, but I think the General would be… angry to hear anyone call her Lord Ren’s pet. There is a rumor that Lord Ren gave her to him, but – well, it’s hard to believe.”

“Ah,” Organa says, an odd emotion settling around her eyes. 

“Lord Ren does like to let spies go when he’s done and let her catch them on the ship,” Finn continues, gesturing awkwardly in the shape of the Finalizer, remembering a few of the more memorable chases with nausea low in his stomach. “The only time I ever saw her was at the emergency clinic on level seventeen when she came in looking for one. She was so big, and had these giant – wait, where are his teeth?”

“They’re usually removed and replaced with small artificial ones when they’re just growing in,” Organa says, looking down at Fjalte and running a pair of fingers through the standout hair at his back. “It helps calm their instincts. To leave them in is… a very risky choice.”

“Sorry, can we go back to the part where I was going to be eaten alive for fun?” Poe says, speaking slowly and raising his brows with no little disbelief. “Is that what you’re seriously saying?”

“Oh,” Finn intones, feeling his eyes widen at the epiphany. He hadn’t even thought about anything aside from getting off the ship, getting away from the First Order. “I can’t believe we got out – no one ever escapes from Millie.”